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roniscloud · 3 years

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psh - love affair

park sunghoon [f. 8516 words] love affair

so when i’m gonna know what to feel inside, baby?

maybe it’s just all in my head, so

don’t overthink, this is love

maybe it’s just a crush

baby, is this your love affair, your love affair?

synopsis: what happens when two childhood best friends make a deal to help each other’s reputations? an unforeseen circumstance prompts sunghoon to approach you, intriguing not just you but practically every other student at your college. you believe your reunion with him can only end in one of two ways: you resort back to being friends and go on with your lives, or you use each other and once you’re both done, you fall out and never talk again. how will you two navigate your companionship? is it just the nostalgia coming up? a revival of feelings? a new crush? could it possibly be actual love?

genre + tropes : fluff. comedy. the slightest angst. childhoodbestfriends!au. enemiestolovers!au. college!au. fakedating!au.

warnings: fem reader. a little swearing. slightly suggestive themes, sorta. a few cliches. mentions of underage drinking. the american collegiate school calendar. does them geeking out over fantasy/sci-fi sagas need a warning? unknown mutual pining. they’re so helplessly clueless of their feelings. also appearances of the rest of enha plus txt.

i. prologue

if someone told you that you would reconnect with your childhood best friend—let alone date him, you would’ve laughed in their face and told them to fuck off. park sunghoon is bad news. well, at least to you he is. one of the infamous campus playboys, you can spot him around the quad flirting with a different girl practically every day.

but to you, he couldn’t have been anymore unlike the sunghoon you grew up with. you grew up with the sunghoon who couldn’t stand being around others, mind always focused on his own interests. you knew him as the little shy boy who would hide behind his mom whenever new people came around. the first person he opened up to was you. you can blame your mom for that. you can vaguely remember her words, something along the lines of mrs. park and i have been friends for longer than you have been alive. when we found out we were both expecting, we knew you two were destined to be besties.

she was right. everyone thought you were two peas in a pod. wherever one of you went, the other followed. always stuck together, like true partners in crime. your close bond stuck for years. if anyone needed you, you’d most likely be found in the seats of sunghoon’s ice skating practices and competitions, cheering him on and being obnoxiously loud. likewise, he always attended your showcases, spending hours complimenting your artwork.

but then the villain of everyone’s lifetime eventually appeared. puberty.

alas, your friendship did what anyone could predict of a couple of preteens entering high school. the usual “no matter what we’re gonna stick together!” leading to “sorry for blowing you off, got really busy,” to the imminent “what happened to us? we used to be so close,” and eventually the end of it all. senior year, the two of you attempted to leave on a good note. by that, you mean your parents made both of you apply to the same colleges to have a chance at sticking together. well, it worked, you got into the same university. funny how the universe does things.

back to present day, you’re now in your second year at hybe university. let’s just say, sunghoon isn’t the only one who went through a personality change. sunghoon traded his late night practices on the ice to one-night stands at frat parties. you, on the other hand, traded your once outgoing and fun-loving persona for a more… cold grunge meets artsy introvert. overall, let’s just say you both have reputations for not being the most approachable people. well at least you still have one thing in common.

ii. the cafe

the busy campus cafe was roaring with study groups filling every table. the aroma of fresh coffee and tea being brewed filling the air, creating a warm atmosphere—contrast to the cold winter weather just outside the walls. the college students scattered around, just like their minds scattered as they prepare for finals. not immune to the dreaded time of year, a group of four boys enter, immediately grabbing the attention of those already nestled inside.

a quick roll call of the four known by the student body as en-4, a combination of the dance crew name enhypen and the notorious f4. lee heeseung—the campus heartthrob, captain of the dance crew, center of the basketball team, and an unknown hopeless romantic. park jongseong, although everyone calls him jay—the resident bad boy and party animal, but those close to him know that he’s actually the responsible one. sim jaeyun, otherwise referred to as jake—the friendly and flirty frat boy who you can catch playing soccer in the quad almost every day. finally, park sunghoon—the handsome heartbreaker. he doesn’t need more of an introduction.

the four of them make their way to the counter, placing their orders. of course jake doesn’t miss his chance to sound extra sweet and send a quick wink to the barista, getting elbowed by heeseung in the process. after getting their drinks, they look around to see almost no where to sit. not a single table to fit all of them was available.

in one of the tucked away areas, sunghoon spots an empty seat at a smaller table. the only catch was there was someone sitting across from it, hunched forward over her laptop. he can’t see much of her figure but he immediately recognizes her features. it’s you. well, a more mature and grown up you, but he couldn’t forget that face for the life of him.

sunghoon’s feet drag himself across the crowded room, catching the attention from the neighboring groups he passed but sneaking away quiet enough to not alarm his own friends. the three are too caught up arguing about what to do. sunghoon can hear the faint voice of jay suggesting going somewhere else while the other two shoot him down as he walks further away. he makes his way all the way up to your side. you look up, scanning him, confused but unamused. “this seat taken?” the first words he said in a year and half to you. still not not giving him any emotion, you hesitantly shake your head once, immediately bringing your focus back to your essay.

ignoring him only works for so long, his gaze not leaving the top of your head. you can feel his stare piercing into you, finally meeting his eyes. “what’s your deal?” the irritation and bluntness in your tone is all too evident.

he shrugs and answers nonchalantly, “nothing, just go along with it.” his answer is hushed, almost as if he’s a bit embarrassed.

“what are you trying to pull here, park?”

“can i not just sit here and peacefully drink my latte? am i that disturbing to you?”

“considering that the second you started walking in this direction, everyone had their eyes on us, then yes, you are that disturbing.”

“they’re not looking at us.” he pauses before continuing with his rant, “they’re looking at you.”

“and why the hell do you think that is?”

“they’re all trying to figure out what could possibly be so interesting about you that i would choose this seat.” he says it like it’s the most obvious answer.

you scoff and turn to see the lingering stares of the others in the cafe. “well, if it isn’t the god park sunghoon being as humble as ever, gracing me with his presence and having mercy on a peasant like me.” the sarcasm dripping off your tongue like venom.

he smiles warmly at your animosity and chuckles. “i’ve always loved your sense of humor.”

“funny cause i’ve always despised yours. i’m gonna ask one more time. what do you want, park?”

he only shrugs. hesitating before responding again, “i like it here. i like talking to you. it’s familiar… comfortable.” he sees your expression change subtly. it’s only for a second before you regain the prior look. he tries to read you. he caught you off guard and his pride brings a smirk to his face.

by now, he finally tunes back into the situation around him and can feel his phone going off in his jean pocket. he pulls out the phone to see dozens of notifications, quickly stealing a glance back up at you to see that you’re already back to typing away on the previously forgotten assignment. he laughs as he sees the boys blowing up their group chat asking what he was doing. he looks up, finding the three sitting at a cramped booth with shock and confusion written all over them.

“enjoying the attention?” your turn to break the silence. when he turns back to you, you continue, “you’re no stranger to it but you’ve always loved it.” he gives you a slow nod, turning the question back to you. you answer him, “you know that it’s not my forte.”

“and why is that? scared people will get to know the real you?”

“oh please, like you aren’t afraid of me exposing all the dirt i have on you. imagine the buzz i could create with all of your old baby pics.”

he jolts up from his relaxed position, eyebrows raised, and completely on edge, “you wouldn’t dare.”

you lean forward in your seat, elbow resting on the table, cheek resting in your palm, and chuckle, “try me.” the words leaving your mouth quickly and a smile immediately replacing it.

“you’re finally smiling at me. good to know you still have emotions.” he gets you to laugh again. you spend the next 20 minutes catching up. looks like you two kept more in common than you thought. things run smoothly between the two of you, some of your old memories and inside jokes being brought up. “why didn’t this happen sooner?”

“what, us talking? i mean, you and i stopped running in the same crowd and school got the best of us. i will admit, though, freshman year sucked without you.”

he sighs when he hears your admission. “how about this? a proposition. i’m sure you’re aware that i don’t have the best reputation.”

you cut him off, “you can say that again.”

“haha, very funny,” he throws in another sarcastic comment. “you know you’re not exactly the most approachable either. hate to be the one to break it to you but you’re pretty intimidating.” he notices the expression on your face turned into one of annoyance at his last statement, “don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true.”

you dismiss the slight jab, telling him to continue. what you don’t expect is the next four words to come out of his mouth. “go out with me.” he sees your face drop, “oh come on, stop looking at me like that.”

“so i see, a little bit of time without me and you go insane.”

“look, i don’t mean actually date me, i mean… pretend to.”

again, you stare at him like he grew another head. “you want me to fake-date you? what are we, in a k-drama now? sorry hoon, you’re attractive but i would’ve preferred hwang in-youp or song kang.”

now he’s a bit annoyed, answering cockily, “i am so much better looking than them.”

“you wish.”

his jaw drops for a few seconds and then he chuckles. “i’m serious, think about it. we go out and spend time with each other like old times. i don’t look like i’m so incapable of being in a committed relationship and you don’t look like such a loner. no offense.”

“offense taken… but i see your point.”

“see, look at you using that smart brain of yours. this would be no strings attached. just two friends helping each other out while simultaneously deceiving everyone else. i know how much you love tricking others.”

you sit quietly, weighing the pros and cons in your head. “deal.”

iii. bro code

a few days later, sunghoon sits in his shared apartment with the boys, slumped on the couch as they eat dinner. “why are you guys so against it? i thought you wanted to see me in a relationship and now that i’m in one, you guys don’t approve. make it make sense. i should be free to date whoever i want.”

“yeah dude,” pausing to take a bite of his burger, “we get that.” jay answers, seeing how defensive his friend is getting.

jake interejects, “we respect your choices, but like… her? of all the girls that are falling at your feet, you chose her? the one that has no interest in you at all? i know you’re powerful but i don’t get how you managed to pull that off.”

“i feel like you could’ve consulted us about it first. bro code, man.” heeseung says as he shrugs his shoulders and sips on his soda.

“that’s kinda why i like her, because she isn’t all over me like the others. she’s cute and fun to hang out with. just give her a chance. honestly, what’s the worst that could happen? we go out and it doesn’t work. no harm in trying….”

that seems to do the trick as the boys lay off from the topic, going back to their own dinners and watching the latest episode of the penthouse.

later that night, sunghoon leaves their dorm to meet up with you. you agreed earlier that if you needed to meet up and talk that you’d go to the art department. perks of being an art major allows you a studio to spend your time in, secluded from the outside world. in this case, you and sunghoon don’t have to worry about nosy roommates.

when he arrives, he makes sure to take the back entrance like you mentioned. he makes his way through the deserted halls, glancing at each room he passes, and taking note of the various pieces framed along the corridor walls. he gets to the end of the building, finding a studio decorated with your name on the door. he silently enters. you don’t notice him at first with your back against the entrance and the music playing too loud through your airpods, focused on molding the clay on the pottery wheel. he grabs an empty stool, propping it beside you and taking a seat. he takes off one of your airpods, putting it in his own ear.

you finally turn your head towards him, “how long ago did you get here?”

“just now. how long were you waiting?”

you sit up, facing his direction. “i had a couple of classes today and came here to finish some stuff, been here for… what time is it?”

“um… almost 11.”

“then like four hours.”

“you’ve been working on that for four hours? what even is it, and when did you start doing pottery?” he points at the unfinished ceramic.

“not just that. i had some paintings that i needed to finish for my portfolio and those are in a separate room to dry. this,” you refer to the clay, “is just something i’m working on for fun. i got into it cause one of my profs suggested i try another medium.”

he nods along while you explain. “you can keep working on it while we talk.”

you hum in confirmation and turn back to the wheel, rewetting your wands. “so how do we make this believable? seems like people already know. word spreads quick when it comes to you.”

“we just need to act like a couple. so hanging out, going on dates, posting each other here and there, and being affectionate.”

“wow you finally found an excuse to kiss me,” you laugh as you joke with him, him following suit. “sounds reasonable, not much different from how we were as kids, just now we have to call them dates.”

“shouldn’t cause too many problems. just don’t fall in love with me, babe.”

you smile at the new nickname, “likewise, hoon.” you continue throwing the clay, molding it to your desired shape. you hyperfocus on the sculpture, tuning out the boy sitting next to you as he watches—he catches on that you still have the habit of pouting whenever you work on your art. you hunch forward, letting some of your hair fall in front of your face. too caught up, you don’t notice that sunghoon left his seat to stand behind you. he takes your locks and ties it into a messy ponytail. you snap out of your tunnel vision to ask, “why do you just have a hair tie handy?”

“i always had to carry some around for you because you always lost them. i never grew out of it, i guess.” he grins warmly, “do you remember how many times you had complained when you would get paint in your hair and i would have to clean it up for you?”

“how could i forget?” the night ends with more laughs and reminiscing on your childhood. time really does fly faster than you think.

iv. rated pg

the bell rings as you and sunghoon enter the convenience store. you two are discussing the movie you two just watched as you walk through the aisles.

you split up agreeing to meet back at the register. you make your way to the drinks in the back while sunghoon goes to get snacks. you grab an iced jasmine tea for yourself and an iced vanilla latte for hoon. sunghoon yells over the stands as he browses, “hey, what should i caption for my insta post?”

you respond loudly, “i don’t know, something related to movies.”

sunghoon looks at the picture on his phone: a photo of you two snuggled up in the theater, most of your face hidden in his hoodie. he types in quickly “rated pg for park’s girl <3”, hits post, and goes back to browsing. he goes to grab bento boxes, honey butter chips, candy jellies, and practically everything his eyes landed on.

when you make it to the cashier, you see sunghoon with his arms full. “you good there, park?”

a muffled “yup” is heard behind all the food.

you look around, walking away when you find what you needed. going closer to him, “why didn’t you just grab a basket?” you start to take some things from his arms, lightening his load.

“i… uh… didn’t think of it.” he pauses in between, an embarrassed expression adorning his face. you giggle as you take everything to be rung up, missing how his ears turned red. you catch the worker’s name on his tag, jungwon. before you can take out your wallet to pay, sunghoon’s already entering his card into the machine. you whip your head around, ready to tell him off. “nope, do not look at me like that.” you roll your eyes at him as you grab the bag with what you just bought.

“oh come on… you can’t seriously be mad at me.” no response from you. “really? the silent treatment?” he scoffs jokingly when you cross your arms against your chest. he comes closer to bend down and wrap his arms around your waist. “it’s snacks. it’s not that big of a deal.”

you release yourself from his grasp and walk out of the store, still faking being mad. you mumble, “whatever,” under your beath but still loud enough for him to hear.

he bids jungwon a quick “have a nice night”, not missing him calling the two of you a cute couple. sunghoon meets up with you outside, already sitting on the curb of the parking lot.

v. pretty boy

the start of a new semester. en-4 are sitting out on the grass of the quad. surrounding them are various groups of students, typical for the buzzing campus on a crisp spring day.

“you need to cook the noodles first. end of discussion.” jake says sternly. he and heeseung are in a heated argument over the proper order of cooking ramen.

heeseung defends himself, “you are so wrong. you make the broth first to build the flavor.”

jay brings his attention up from his phone, “neither of you should be allowed anywhere near a kitchen.”

out of nowhere, a loud car horn is heard, drawing the attention of every student in the area. sunghoon looks up to find you leaning against the passenger door of your car and yelling, “hey, pretty boy! get in.” he chuckles at both the label and how bossy you sound, turning to his friends to grab his things. the three of them are stunned at him.

jake breaks first, “wait, what?”

heeseung lets go of his argument with the australian, “dude, are you seriously leaving?”

sunghoon only nods as he walks away, not letting them ask any more questions. he notices all the watching eyes and decides why not put on a show? he shouts out to you, “thought i was picking you up later, babe.” he makes sure to emphasize the nickname as his infamous smirk tells you exactly what his intentions are.

“lecture ended early, love. prof had some emergency. thought why not surprise you…” you wrap your arms around his shoulders as he reaches you and let him lay a quick peck on your cheek. “now come on, i’m taking you out on a date so either hop in or lose your chance. your choice but i don’t have that much patience so hurry up.”

“yes, ma’am,” he leans in closer and guides his hands lower from your waist. “but i’m driving,” he says as he sneakily takes your keys from your back pocket,

“you sly fox.” he laughs at the new nickname as he opens the door, letting you sit down before closing it. he makes his way around the hood, noting that all attention is still on you two. he meets eyes with his friends again, the three looking much like the faces he saw in the cafe almost six weeks ago. as he buckles in and starts the car, you rest your hand on top of his on the gear shift. he raises his eyebrows and gives you a charming smile. “by the way, why’s your friend looking at me like that?”

he looks back up to face the boys, “which one?”

“jay. since we started doing this, he keeps looking at me weird—like weirder than the others.”

he tilts his head to the side when he realizes that jay is indeed looking in your direction, but his eyes are focused solely on you. “jay is… how should i put this? you know what i’ll tell you later. for now, tell me where to?”

vi. jukebox

the hazy red glow of the neon lights and checkered tiled floors welcomed you as you led sunghoon into the local diner. this place was a staple in your childhood, your go-to hangout spot with the aforementioned boy when you were still in your youth.

“i will say, this is a nice surprise.”

you look up to sunghoon as he sits across from you in the vinyl booth seat, “i knew you would love it.” you laugh with each other as you get situated, seeing a young but tall—why is he so tall? he looks like he’s only a teenager—server coming towards your table.

“hey, i’m niki and i’ll be taking care of you guys today,” the giant says cheerfully. “anything i can start you guys with?”

sunghoon looks up at the boy to take your order swiftly, “two strawberry milkshakes, please.” you watch as niki nods and walks back to the counter.

“well, well, well, park… you remembered?” you question teasingly with a cocked eyebrow.

“you’ve always had a sweet tooth. no wonder you loved me so much,” his turn to turn up the typical park sunghoon charm.

you scrunch your face in annoyance, “you should become a comedian.”

“i will never get tired of your sarcasm. it really just… keeps me going.” his way of joking back. “stay here. i’ll be right back,” he says quickly as he looks behind you and gets out of his seat.

you wait patiently for him, assuming he’s just going to the restroom. unbeknownst to you, sunghoon is making his way to the jukebox on the other side of the restaurant. he flips through the song list, finally finding the one he wants. he quickly puts in the coins and sets it in the queue. as he turns to go back to you, he sees an engraving on the side. he runs his fingers along it as he inspects the writing. property of sunghoon and y/n. he thinks back to your last day of eighth grade when you two etched the label onto the wood. he joyfully walks back to your table, ready to let you know about the memory. he sits next to you now, resting his arm behind you and around your back,

“what took you so long, park?”

right as he’s about to explain, niki comes to your table, “two strawberry milkshakes. anything else i can get you two?”

you turn your head quickly to the boy sitting next to you, seeing his eyes are already focused on yours. “um… no, i, uh, think we’re good.” you stumble and stutter a bit. you watch him as he nods his head and walks away. regaining your composure, you ask sunghoon again, “so what did take you so long?”

once again, he gets interrupted. the sound of “purpose” by justin bieber playing over the speakers makes him stop. he gives you a second to register the song, “that’s why.”

you tilt your head down and look at him quizzically, “really? this is why?” you reach to your drink, sipping on the straw as you wait for his answer.

he mirrors your movement, nodding his head in confirmation. he too drinks from the tall glass, contrary to your use of a straw, he opts to drink straight from the rim. he pulls the milkshake away, leaving some on his upper lip.

you burst into quiet laughter, turning your gaze away to not spit out your own shake.

sunghoon furrows his eyebrows in confusion, “what’s so funny?”

you turn back to him, “you got a little something there, park.” you wipe away the liquid from his face with your thumb, popping into your own mouth to clean it up.”there, all good now.”

sunghoon freezes in his spot, trying to comprehend what just happened. it’s quick but he feels something. trying to shake off the foreign feeling, he turns to face forward again. he feels you lean into him, head resting on his chest. a small grin appears on his face, humming along to the justin bieber tune still playing.

“i missed hearing you sing.”

sunghoon looks down at the crown of your head, “really? you used to always tease me about it, though.”

you shake your head with a light laugh, “i never meant it. whenever you sang, it always calmed me. i used to think… if you didn’t pursue skating, you could’ve been a singer.”

“and then what? i would bring you around on tour everywhere and sneak you in backstage?”

“that could’ve been fun.” you now laugh louder than before, him along with you.

there it is again. sunghoon’s not sure what it is, trying to suppress the odd emotion. he sits there, cuddling up to you in the booth, finishing the strawberry milkshakes, just hoping you can’t hear the way his heart starts to beat faster.

sitting at the bar, snacking on fries, and trying to not be seen by you two are heeseung, jay, and jake. they ask themselves would they really be considered sunghoon’s friends if they didn’t follow them and stake out their date.

vii. nerds

sunghoon picked you up from the art department today. he showed up about ten minutes too early, and he got permission from your instructor to monitor your class from the back. he waited outside the door while you cleaned up, earning a few prying looks from your peers as they exited. as you drove back to his place, you agreed to have a movie marathon.

opening the door to his dorm, you say “we are watching star wars. luke, leia, and han solo are a way better trio than three child magicians.”

sunghoon defends his choice, “first of all, they’re wizards. second, i’m offended. harry, ron, and hermione use magic with their wands. all star wars has is weird weapons and robots.”

“they’re literally in space and excuse you, but does something called—oh, i don’t know—the force ring any bells? they’re jedis, duh.” you rolls your eyes, making your annoyance clear.

sunghoon stops in the hall, “harry potter has spells and potions.”

“star wars has chewbacca.” you stand next to him with your arms crossed.

definitively and matter-of-factly, sunghoon says, “quidditch.”

“you can’t seriously believe quidditch is praiseworthy?” you look at him crazily.

“you two are such nerds.”

you both freeze, turning to see the rest of en-4 sitting in the living room. in the midst of your argument, you both failed to notice the others were home. you realize that jay was the one to stop you two. you also realize it’s the dreaded time for the best friends to finally meet the “girlfriend”. sunghoon seems to realize it as well, reaching to intertwine your hands to both sell the act to his roomates and to calm you down.

he leads you into the living room, meeting eyes with the boys. “so… guys, this is y/n, my girlfriend.”

“it’s so nice to finally meet you! i’m jake. sunghoon here has been holding out on us. i mean, come on, it’s been like two months and he still hasn’t introduced you to us.” the australian continues on with his energetic and positive ramble, asking you questions about your relationship.

heeseung butts in to tell jake to slow down. “i’m heeseung. jake’s right though, you two started dating before winter break and we’re barely meeting you now. sunghoon is always hanging out with you and telling us everything about it. honestly, all i can tell you is to run while you still can.” the others all laugh at his antics.

sunghoon scoffs, “hey, i’m not that bad.”

you excuse yourself to get a drink from the kitchen. you can hear jake spitting out more questions like rapid fire to sunghoon as you walk away. you reach into the fridge, fishing out a water bottle.

behind you, jay enters quietly. “you two are cute together.”

you flinch at his voice, “geez, dude. almost gave me a heart attack.”

he chuckles under his breath and leans against the counter, “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. i met sunghoon at freshman orientation and we immediately became friends, but i’ve never seen him like this.”

“really hoping you mean that in a good way.”

“don’t worry, it is. you know… he only has a soft spot for you. the three of us are his best friends but he only ever smiles like that with you.” he sways his head back and forth as he rambles, taking a pause between his words. “stay with him. it’ll be good for everyone.”

you smile at his approval, “you wanna know something? he actually said you would be the hardest to win over. he said something about you being super protective over your friends… yet, at the same time you trust their judgement. he told me that when he and i got together, he wasn’t scared to tell you but more worried as to if you would like me.”

he smiles with you now, “that all he said about me?” he asks while raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

“he also mentioned that you’re a good cook.”

viii. proud

a professor of yours is holding their annual spring showcase for contemporary art. every year, a handful of students are chosen to join and display their art amongst other renowned artists. you happen to be one of the few, a top contender chosen for your abilities.

you’ve invited your friends, including en-4 to come by the studio and see your work—albeit a bit nervous for their reactions. you stand on watch by your section, greeting the patrons and waiting for the boys to arrive.

thankfully, they show up within the first hour of the gallery opening. they each show up looking professional and chic, sporting all-black fits—most likely at the hands of jay. sunghoon immediately finding you and leading the way for the rest. you welcome them in, explaining your collection, the concentration being “vulnerability.” the works are a mix of several mediums, majority being oil paint, each displaying a closeup of various people. the paintings show their bare faces, imperfections and blemishes with nothing to hide.

the night continues with more and more passing by, complimenting your collection. by the time the exhibition ends, you and sunghoon are the only ones left in the studio. he’s stayed in the same spot, eyeing one piece incredibly closely. throughout the entire showcase, he had kept going back to the one canvas. you join his side, linking your arm with his. “this one is my favorite,” you hear him say.

you look up to meet his eyes, “why this one?”

“because… it’s you.” you takes your arm out and moves to stand behind you, now wrapping himself around you and resting his chin in the crook of your neck. he holds your hands in his, “i am so proud of you. times like this, i am proud to call you my best friend.” he turns his head, kissing you once on your jaw, and then pulling slightly back to kiss you again on the cheek.

you turn around, hugging him closer with your arms around his shoulders, “thank you.” you hold each other for a few minutes. when you pull away, you lock eyes. you feel your heart beating against your chest and your breathing getting faster. you snap back to reality when you feel sunghoon’s lips on yours. you’re not sure why you tangle your fingers in his hair and kiss him back or why he grabs onto your waist while backing you into the wall. he continues placing pecks on the corner of you lips, creating a trail down to your neck. when you let out a sigh and say his name, he stops. there he stands, a few feet in front of you, awkward and unsure of what to do next.

he breaks the silence, “it’s late. i should drive you back home.” he watches as you slowly nod your head. the drive back to your apartment was dead silent. you tried to occupy yourself by looking out the window.

when he drops you off, he bids you a quick goodnight. “um… text me when you get back home.” sunghoon just looks forward, muttering “ok” before leaving.

in the elevator, you look at your reflection on the metal doors. you make your way inside your place and take a seat on your bed. your mind is too busy reliving the moments with sunghoon before. you try to comprehend what you should do but find yourself too tired, instead falling asleep and missing his text.

ix. spring break

it’s currently the middle of april and the boys have made you an honorary member of en-4. you and sunghoon have been pretending to be a couple and successfully tricking everyone for the last four months.

everyone has the week off for spring break. jay, being the generous guy he is, rented out a cabin in the mountains for the now five members of your friend group. you all rode in one car on the way up, and you totally didn’t fall asleep in the middle seat while cuddling into sunghoon’s side.

you all decide to settle into your rooms once you arrive. “so there are four rooms, two downstairs and two upstairs.” jay pauses, looking towards you and sunghoon, “i assume that you’ll be fine sharing one.”

you immediately answer, “yeah, for sure.” you look to see sunghoon avoiding your gaze, sensing knowing looks from the others. sunghoon and you already guessed that they would make the two of you share a room and truthfully, neither of you minded. growing up together meant a lot of sleepovers and sharing beds so this was no problem.

he continues on, “great, you guys can take the master bedroom on the second floor cause it has the most space. i’ll take the room next to you, heeseung and jake can take the two down here.”

everyone agrees and sets off to their assigned rooms. you and sunghoon drop your bags onto the mattress, starting to unpack. the interior is spacious, the tall glass sliding doors allow lots of natural light to come in. the room itself is cozy, king size bed with matching bedside tables, and a big fluffy area rug. you’re too distracted to notice that sunghoon has gone outside to the balcony. he leans against the railing, taking in the scenic views and the breeze, basking in the setting rust-colored sun. when you finally realize that he’s not next to you anymore, you silently make you way onto the balcony, wrapping your arms around sunghoon from behind.

he tenses up at the sudden contact, relaxing when he realizes it’s you. there it is again, his heart is acting up like at the diner. he’s noticed it more often—the way that whenever he sees you, his heart beats differently. this weird feeling in his chest, this warmth that only shows up around you. he gets lost in his thoughts, envisioning what could become of your situation.

“what’s got you so lost?”

your voice snaps him back to reality. he turns around to face you, “uh… nothing, just thinking.”

just when you want to question him further and talk about what happened at the showcase, a knock is heard on the door. sunghoon walks away, going to open the door. both of you can feel the awkward tension when he leaves his spot.

“hey, we’re kinda hungry so we’re gonna order some food and watch a movie downstairs,” jake informs you two when the door opens. “feel free to come down and join whenever.”

“yeah, we’ll be down in a bit,” sunghoon tells him as heeseung nods before leaving you two alone again. you both finish getting settled before heading downstairs. you gather around the couch as ponyo plays on the tv and you reach for a tray of sushi.

the night continues, the moon sitting high amongst the stars. after the movie, dinner, and some drinking games, everyone retires to their respective rooms. you plop yourself onto the bed, tired after the day’s activities. you hear sunghoon getting something from his bag along with the rustling of some plastic. you crane your head up to see him approaching you. he sits on the edge of the bed, now with fluffy headbands and face masks in hand.

you scoot back a bit, “nope. no way you are getting me to do that.”

he laughs lightly at your antics, “oh come on… let me take care of you, at least just for tonight. please.” he gives you a pleading look with pursed lips, dragging out the “please” to show how desperate he is.

that was the deciding point that led to a spa night. you both changed into comfier clothes, you borrowed one of his hoodies and sweatpants. sunghoon got settled in closer to you and you reached for his wrist to grab one of the elastic bands. you adjusted your position to sit on your knees, reaching up to tie his hair back. he, on the other hand, took one of the headbands to bring your hair back and away from your face.

by the time midnight rolled around, you two were snuggled under the comforter with face masks, surrounded by junk food, and on the fourth episode of some random netflix show. as the night continues, a wave of sleep starts to overtake both of you. you help each other take off the masks and clean up, getting distracted every few minutes because one of you would start messing around. the boys had stopped by to say goodnight, catching you two in the middle of a mild pillow fight. after sending them off, you fall asleep in each other’s arms, basking in the warmth of your shared embrace. heeseung had snuck in at one point and stole a few quick pictures to tease you two with.

the dawn breaking through the sheer curtains causes you to stir in bed. you turn to see the alarm clock on the nightstand say 6:02. untangling yourself from sunghoon’s grasp, you sneak outside. you climb up to sit on the rooftop, feeling the cool chill of the dewy morning. the time alone gives you a sense of serenity.

meanwhile, sunghoon moves under the covers, confused why he can’t feel you. his eyes open and he doesn’t find a trace of you in the room. worried, he gets up and quietly searches the house, making sure to not wake the others. he goes into the backyard, seeing a shadow on the ground with an unusual shape. he looks up to find you perched on the roof, facing the opposite direction. he eventually climbs up to sit next to you. he hesitates before getting closer and putting his arm around you. you sigh as you lean into him. there you both stay, watching the sun come over the horizon in a comfortable silence.

x. disaster averted

the following week, you all return to campus. needless to say, the break was well used—the days at the cabin mostly being spent at the lake or around the campfire. another day spent hanging out at en-4’s dorm after classes. sunghoon went out to pick up food for everyone. you are in his room, trying to cram for an upcoming test and failing miserably because the other three are all playing fifa way too loud.

while the boys are playing, the doorbell rings. jay gets up to check who it is, seeing a young girl and immediately recognizing her. he lets in yeji, sunghoon’s little sister. she casually joins the boys around the tv, catching up on whatever has been happening in their lives. sunghoon arrives back home within twenty minutes.

“i’m back with the food,” he shouts out loud enough for everyone to hear including you behind his closed bedroom door. he places the plastic bags on the table, looking up to see another face. “yeji? what are you doing here?”

she gets up to greet her brother, giving him a hug, “it’s my spring break and i wanted to stop by.” sunghoon then realizes that his family doesn’t know about him becoming friends with you again or about your current situation. he drags her into the kitchen hurriedly, “ok so here’s the thing… you remember y/n?”

“of course! she’s like my big sister.”

his breath gets caught in his throat for a second, “yeah, don’t call her that. anyways, her and i are friends again,” he sees yeji’s eyes widen with excitement and continues with his explanation before she can cut him off, “and she’s my girlfriend.”

“what?!”

sunghoon panics and covers her mouth with his palm, “fake girlfriend!” he rushes out the whisper. “the guys don’t know that our relationship isn’t real and i’d like to keep it that way. they don’t even know that we were friends beforehand. yeji, i’m begging you to go along with it. please do this for me.” he clasps his hands together in front of him with a pleading expression.

the young girl crosses her arms in front of her and pretends to think about it, “hmm… fine.”

sunghoon blurts out a chant of “thank you’s” not knowing that his sister only agreed cause she always thought that you and sunghoon would’ve been a good couple. he tells her to help the others set the table while he goes to you. he quickly explains what’s happening and you’re just excited that you get to see yeji again. you both leave his room and you make your own way to the living room, spotting the other girl and exchanging glances.

yeji stops what she’s doing to turn and face you, “who’s this?”

you answer back casually, “y/n. i’m a friend of the boys, and you are?”

“yeji, sunghoon’s younger sister.” she says it proudly, bringing a grin to the aforementioned boy.

“oh, you’re yeji? hoon was right… you are pretty.”

she tilts her head and cocks an eyebrow, questioning you “why would he tell you about me?”

jake chimes in like it’s second nature, “i mean, why wouldn’t he tell his girlfriend about his sister?” he states like it’s so obvious. “they’ve been together since december.”

“girlfriend?” she takes a step back in false shock, “since december? why didn’t i know about this?”

“what? i don’t seem like your brother’s type?”

“it’s not that. i’m just surprised he managed to get and keep a girlfriend. you’re like, way out of his league and he’s a loser.” one thing to know about yeji is that as much as she loves him, she will never miss a chance to tease her brother.

with a scoff, you finally hear sunghoon join in beside you, “not gonna lie, that one hurt a little.”

“i’m so telling mom,” she says with a mischievous smirk.

you laugh at sunghoon’s shocked face and smile at the younger park, “i like you, i think we’ll get along just fine.”

“i like you, too.” she looks at sunghoon, “keep her.”

everyone laughs at the interaction as they settle in to eat. sunghoon sits to your right while yeji sits on your left, wondering how his two favorite girls learned to be such good actresses.

xi. returning the favor

fast forward another month, the end of the semester means the dreaded finals week again. sunghoon has been, for lack of a better word, slacking on some of his classes and is now juggling to prepare for exams and revisions. couple that with yeji telling his mom about your “relationship” and her nonstop questions, all of this stress has been piled on. this all amounting to him getting sick.

now, sunghoon being sunghoon means that he pushed everyone away and hasn’t told you about his condition. luckily for him, you’ve been cooped up in your studio trying to finish your portfolio and also prepare for your exams. unluckily for him, the boys have gotten worried and heeseung called you.

which brings us to the present, sunghoon stuck in bed with a fever, congestion, and neglected notes. a knock on his door does nothing to help his headache but seeing your face meekly peek in makes him relax. “what are you doing here?” he asks hoarsely.

“did you really think i wouldn’t find out?”

he avoids your glare, “i didn’t want you to worry.”

“honestly i’m not upset that you’re sick, but that i had to hear it from your roommates.” you come closer to him, clearing out the scattered papers and textbooks from atop his bed. you sit on the edge, taking out some medicine and cooling packs that you picked up from the convenience store.

“you really don’t have to do this,” he twiddles his fingers in embarrassment.

you tie back his hair and place one of the packs on his forehead, “you’ve always been the one taking care of me, so i might as well return the favor.”

you busy yourself with getting the cough medicine ready and sunghoon takes an actual look at you. he notices that you’re wearing his old skating jacket, the same one he gave you at your high school graduation. he makes more room under the covers, allowing you to come closer and lay next to him. he drapes one arm over you and holds onto the end of the jacket sleeve, “i can’t believe you kept this.”

“we stopped hanging out and we weren’t in each other’s lives for a year and a half after being together basically since birth,” you pause, a little saddened thinking back. “this was the last thing i ever got from you. it’s all i had left.”

he brings you closer, neither of you caring if you got sick. “well… now you have me again. for good.”

xii. the party

the end of the school year has finally arrived. some seniors from the txt frat are hosting a big party to celebrate. of course, en-4 was invited—mostly thanks to heeseung being close with them. although you have made more friends and now have a more active social life, parties are still not your thing.

yet, much to your dismay, being friends with designated party people means that you’re getting bombarded with pleas to go regardless. sunghoon took the lead on convincing you, “please, i promise that it’ll be fun.” the boys join in, their voices overlapping. sunghoon practically tackles you onto your couch while pouting and furrowing his eyebrows in desperation.

“stop looking at me like that. i can’t think properly when you do that.”

right on cue, the boys start to tease you. jay clears his throat and jake makes kissing noises, meanwhile heeseung starts singing y/n and sunghoon sitting in a tree… while you just glare at them.

“if i say i’ll go, will you all leave me alone?”

they all shout “yes” in unison. which is how you ended up at the crowded frat house. although they had begged you to come, they practically abandon you and sunghoon when you get there. jake had yelled back to you that his friend sunoo from his econ class called them over for beer pong.

you and sunghoon find a big bean bag in the corner and stay there for a bit. he offers to get you both some drinks and leaves to the kitchen. you’re not sure how long he’s gone but you eventually get uncomfortable. you start wandering the house for some space to get some air. you find an empty room and make your way into the connected bathroom to wash your face. you take some deep breaths, then realizing that you didn’t tell sunghoon. as you’re about to step out, he enters the room.

“i figured you would want some space.”

“how’d you know where i was?”

he comes up closer to you, “in the sea of people, in this mess, in this frenzy… i will always find you. no matter what happens or who comes into my life, i always find my way back to you.”

“what the hell is that even supposed to mean, park?”

“i mean…” he stops to compose himself, “oh for fucks sake, i’m tired of this being pretend. i’m tired of being allowed to call you my girlfriend in public but not treat you like it in private. when i kissed you at the showcase, i had wanted to do that for so long, and i’ve been wanting to do even more.”

“sunghoon, look-”

“wait, i’m not done. what i’m trying to say is that i want you to be my girlfriend, for real this time—not as a joke, not as a trick. i want us to be together as an actual couple because i like you, a lot more than you could believe-”

you cut him off this time, kissing him like he did all those weeks ago. you kissed him in the way that you weren’t sure what words to say other than, “i would love to be your girlfriend.”

sunghoon shines with the biggest smile, picking you up and spinning around. when he lets you down, he incessantly leaves pecks all over your face. he holds you close, “now, how about we go enjoy the party?”

you nod and lead him hand in hand towards the door. you turn the nob, only to have the three remaining members of your friend group fall at your feet. heeseung landing on top, shouting out, “i fucking knew it!”

#sunghoon #park sunghoon #sunghoon fluff #park sunghoon fluff #sunghoon imagine #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon fic #sunghoon fics #enhypen #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen imagine #enhypen imagines #enhypen fic #enhypen fics #enhypen fluff #enhypen sunghoon imagines #enhypen sunghoon fics #enhypen sunghoon fluff

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duchessofostergotlands · 2 years

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I know you made posts debunking Albert/Charlene conspiracies in the past but how do you ignore all that noise? I’m on this general celeb gossip reddit where there was a thread asking ppl which celebs they’re sorry for, if any. I know, my fault for reading it in the first place but Albert/Charlene was one of them and there was a full on discussion. Like, idk A&C personally so she might really be imprisoned for all I know. But to treat it as fact and using pics of her crying on her wedding day, while completely ignoring the several pics of her looking super duper happy with Albert is so annoying. I know it’s a dumb thing to be annoyed about especially when I willingly subject myself to read those threads in the first place.

Well you already know my answer to this! haha. Don't read them! But I know it is easier said than done. Up until about 2018/19 I would definitely search out articles and things that I didn't like and I would always comment on them here or answer anon questions about them and spark a big discussion. And all it was doing was fueling that cycle of anger. Because of my BPD, I am quick to anger and it can be really intense and frightening so while this behaviour isn't healthy for anyone it was particularly unhealthy for me. But anger's addictive!

Honestly going to therapy was a huge help. I recognised more where the anger was coming from and I learned to let go of things that are nothing to do with me. I also realised that when you rise to the bait every single time, you give someone power. I can choose not to give these articles clicks or drive people towards them. I think that's really hard to do because you don't want to risk being apathetic or silencing yourself but to quote my dear Dorothy Parker: "I do not have to attend every argument I'm invited to." Pick your battles! I started by implementing that with my blog - blocking and deleting messages and no longer feeling an obligation to respond to things - and it trickled into other areas of my life from there.

The shift in the fandom also contributed to this. Seeing Kate go from hated and vilified to adored and beloved by the same people within a few weeks - after Meghan arrived - was surreal and made me really understand that the press and the public are fickle and what these people actually do or say doesn't really matter. I think up until that point I'd genuinely believed that if I argued well enough and presented enough evidence I could change people's minds. With the Kate and Meghan thing I realised all that matters, all I can control, is what I think and feel about them and what I know to be true. I grounded myself in that and worried less about the noise.

I will comment or read the odd thing here and there but definitely avoid it a lot of the time. And that is partly because I had the same awareness as you, I knew I should choose not to read these sites. But perhaps the difference is that after I realised the control these conversations had over my mental health, I wasn't just aware that I should stop reading these sites; I actually didn't want to read them either. I no longer felt an obligation or that kind of addictive quality.

#the one thing that does really grate on me is the claim he was with charlene when he allegedly conceived this third child #she said years ago the date of their first date #and it was AFTER THE KID WAS BORN #princess charlene #ask #anon #monegasque princely family #royal fandom

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gb-patch · 3 years

Text

Ask Answers: December 11th, 2020

How old are terri, miranda, lee, shiloh and jeremy? Are they all the same age as the mc?

Step 1: MC is 8 and Shiloh is 7

Step 2: MC and Lee are 13 and Jeremy is 12

Step 3: MC, Lee, and Terri are 18, Miranda is 19 (though she just barely turned that age)

How many different personalities are there for Jamie? Does picking one color of dialogue option mark down the personality or is it the choices and actions themselves?

There’s not really any set amount of personalities. You can mix and match traits in different ways and different levels, it’s really up to you. The colored options just give an idea of the tone of what you’re doing (whether it’s serious or more lighthearted or more emotional, that sort of thing).

Hey! Sorry to bother, but I was just curious. Why does MC and Cove react the way they do in the errands moment? It just sorta seems like they overreacted to being left alone in the farmers market.

I’m a little confused on what you mean. You can choose not to care or to have a good time, your MC doesn’t have to be upset. There are more choices that lead to upset feelings, but that’s because there’s really only one way to say you’re really okay and multiple ways to feel upset (sad, angry, scared, etc). And if someone is upset, there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling fine is okay too.

As for Cove, he’s just like that. Cove is a sensitive guy and he is especially bothered by parents pulling stunts without talking to their kid ahead of time. If you wanna annoy Cove, that exact thing they did is one of the fastest ways to do it, ahah. And he’s not gonna let it slide just because it was the MC’s parents doing it to them rather than one of his own parents doing it to him.

so if I were to become a one time patreon pledger, would I still have access to the things from that tier after the month is over (such as 18+ pics or access to a demo/beta)?

If you join Patreon for one month you’ll get everything released that month and have access to all our past posts, and you can save the stuff to your own computer to keep it forever. But you won’t get access to things that come out after your subscription has ended. So if you want to join for a specific piece of content, just make sure you wait until that content has already come out and then subscribe.

Why did Noelani and Pamela decide to adopt within the USA when they had previously adopted abroad?

Because we wanted to highlight more than one type of adoption. Both are valid.

At what age was MC adopted in our life?

Only around a year old, but it’s flexible based on what the player wants for their story.

If Pamela is estranged from her family and Noelani doesn't really talk to her's, where did Lee come from?

Lee is a backer created character, she wasn’t originally part of the cast. Because our main supporter wanted her to be related to the MC’s family, we gave Pam one sibling she still talks to and that sibling has a daughter, Lee. The game was still in pretty early development way back then when we first mentioned the family situation. It’s just kind of inevitable that during the game making process some things ended up changing, aha.

In the relationship DLC’s for Derek and Baxter will there be options for polyamory to include Cove?

I’m afraid not. The way Our Life: Beginnings & Always works doesn’t support developing a poly relationship well, it’d very quickly build up too many alterations to manage. But we do hope to feature polyamory options in future games.

Will it be possible to confess to Cove (or vice versa) in Step 4, if it hasn't been done already?

Yeah!

are you going to put the credits song on youtube or spotify? i really like it and want to play it for my friends 🙏🥺 ty

I’m so glad you like it! We have rights to use the song in our game and for our game to be the only game it’s ever used in, but the rights to sell/upload the song belong to the actual creators of the music. We’re happy to let them decide where they’re comfortable posting the track.

Quick question, do you plan on continuing to use MC we can custom? I liked all your games but being able to customize Our Life's MC was awesome

I can’t say if every game we ever make from now on will have a super customizable MC, but we are planning other projects with that feature. Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be the only one. It’s nice to hear you appreciated the effort to add that.

Can I just express my disappointment that you only get a 'makeout session' in Step 3 if your MC is outgoing? My shy MCs miss out on grabbing the Cove booty... xP

Whether or not you can make out with Cove and how intense it can get depends on how long you’ve been a couple. If your shy MC takes longer to get with Cove, he’ll need more time before he’s ready to do that sort of stuff. And if your confident MC has been with him for years already, then he’s at a point where he can go that far with them. I’m afraid patience is required when it comes to romancing that boy, haha.

If we played in 1.0 and we updates to 1.1 do we have to start over? Or do save files transfer? I hit the "ignore" not sure if I should have for the game to work properly

1.0 save files should work with version 1.1. If you’re getting error reports can you send us more details about what the error is saying?

Bug report: At the end of the 'Mall' DLC moment in Step 2, there's a point where Cove says the MC's name, but it's said in his Step 1 voice instead of his Step 2 voice. I don't know if it happens with ALL names, but it happened with my most recent game using the name Devin.

As a follow-up to my earlier bug report about the voiced names (or at least Devin) in the Mall moment, I had the same issue in the Soiree moment as well (with the same name - again, it might just be that one).

Thank you for the report! Can you let me know when you downloaded the DLC files? I think that should be fixed in the most recent version of them.

Dear gb-patch, I'm one of the OL Kickstarter backers (and I had and still have a great time with your updates, it's great to see the project grow and you are great in communicating with your fans 💕).

I want to wait until all steps are complete until I play, I know I'll enjoy it even more if I can experience it all together. Because of that I didn't open the game myself but I just saw your post with the screenshot of the voiced names and noticed that the name that I submitted to you isn't on the list. The name is Mai (or May), will it be available later?

Thank you for supporting us! Mai is one of the names that we’re still working on. It accidentally had a tone missed.

And thank you for all of these asks <3

—————————————————————— We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #ourlifeba #Our Life Beginnings & Always #ask #asked #gb patch #gb patch games

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sunseteyes · 3 years

Text

by your side

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ STARRING: hajime iwaizumi; gn!reader

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ THEMES: mutual pining? kinda sad

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ WORD COUNT: 4.6k words

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ SYNOPSIS: this is the story of you and hajime, and how your friendship crumbled when he found out something that was meant to be a secret moments after it was said.

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ INTERMISSION: this is a part of @samusangel ‘s songfics! the song for this fic is ex by kiana ledé. do listen to that song because it’s bop! also, i have finally interpreted my real life story of my 7-year unrequited crush:) yes, most of this fic is based on what happened to me, not all though. i’m kinda hoping to do the ending too lmao. please don’t get too attached to hajime:) enjoy! oh btw i had to add arms on iwa’s pic so if you noticed it, i’ll give yo 10m points (also for the reference for that line haha)

when you first met hajime iwaizumi, it felt as if you had someone who will always have your back, someone you’d always trust, someone who’d continually care about you, through and through.

that’s how being friends are, right?

yet why is it that his name alone could hurt you better than anyone’s? why can you still remember the stolen glances and lingering touches that were barely there?

why is it that even after eight years, you’re still regretting why you said hello that day?

why?

from oikawa: hey! from oikawa: i heard that you’re in the photography club from oikawa: please please speak to my friend iwa-chan he can be kinda shy to oikawa: uhm who is this? do i know you? from oikawa: oh my y/n from oikawa: did you really not have the one and only oikawa tooru’s number?! me?? to oikawa: ...oikawa how did you get my number? to oikawa: and who’s iwa-chan??

“hey iwaizumi-san! come sit here!” you exclaimed, a huge grin on your face as both you patted the seat beside you, eyes looked over at the boy that had just entered the room, a sense of relief passing by his expression the moment he found your gaze.

“we’re in the same class, right? and i think makki mentioned you before. what’s your name again?” he says the moment he sat on the same chair you urged him to sit on.

“(y/n),” you held out your hand. “-it’s nice to meet you.”

hajime takes it willingly, a friendly look on his face when he does so all the while responding with, “it’s nice to meet you too. and since i can call you with your first name, then you can call me hajime, if you’d like.”

“well, hajime it is then.”

the smiles that you shared were harmless, not even an ounce of hesitating thought crossed your mind when you had your very first conversation with him, as well as the next ones.

“hey hajime, what’s your number?”

“hm? have i not given it to you yet? here, let me type it for you.”

from iwaizumi: hey :) to iwaizumi: yeah yeah i received it hajime from iwaizumi: oh come on from iwaizumi: is saying a hello that hard?? to iwaizumi: hello to iwaizumi: you happy? from iwaizumi: yeah :)

“(y/n), want to join us for lunch? we have a free seat right here.”

“hajime! i saw a good movie! let’s watch it later? snacks are on me as long as it’s your turn next time.”

smiles, giggles, laughs, whispers or notes whenever the class is ongoing, always beside each other during club meetings, you and hajime even share each other’s secrets and random text conversations during midnights. in just a short time, you were able to trust him, and he did the same for you. for you, that is indeed an unusual feat--you never trusted people that easily to be honest.

“have you heard of the name wakatoshi ushijima? i once liked him, y’know.” you say in a low volume, making sure none else hears not just because your words were meant to be a secret that was never to be talked out loud, but it’s since you and hajime are currently in a club meeting, and you would hate your name to be added in the noisy list.

“you meant that big guy in section five? are you serious?” hajme scoffs, as if you just said a very insulting thing to him. “you could do better, you know that.”

you scoff, chuckling. “are you blind? he’s as handsome as you could be.”

“is that your way of saying i am handsome?” he smirks, “i knew i’m your type all along.”

you playfully smacked him on the leg, making him recoil a bit from your form.

“you wish,” you muttered, brushing off his claims, not really expecting much by that time.

still, fate decides to surprise you with a gift you can never take back.

“hey, what do you think of iwaizumi? you two are quite close, aren’t you?”

“well,” you say, humming as you try to think of a reply whilst writing down the remaining notes that you should write before the teacher decides to erase the contents of the blackboard. the subject itself made it difficult because it was math--and you always fail on math thus this matter is more important than the topic that your friend was chatting about.

so you gave a mindless answer. “he’s a dork, but he can be cute sometimes.” you say, a memory of when you had to endure an entire hour of hajime talking about dinosaurs flashing in your mind a ghost of a smile crossing your lips as you continued writing on your math notebook.

then a tragedy came in almost an instant, not even a single warning to try and prevent that from happening.

and it changed your whole life.

it was childish, you could say, and it was the start of a neverending downfall for not only you, but for your friendship with hajime.

“he’s cute?! hey, hajime, (y/n) thinks you’re cute!”

when the roars of your classmates reached your ears, you were already sitting upright, eyes wide open, forehead knitted, and mouth slightly ajar.

what?

the moment your gaze met his, you knew that he believed it; the childish statement that was meant to be platonically true.

you were misunderstood.

bye everyone, including hajime.

and by the next day, when the club where you and he first met came, he didn’t want to sit next to you. what’s more, is that he purposely asked his other seatmate to change seats with him.

he ignored you, the whole time.

to iwaizumi: hey to iwaizumi: you don't believe that right from iwaizumi: what? to iwaizumi: what happened earlier to iwaizumi: it’s not true yknow that from iwaizumi: uh from iwaizumi: yeah sure

“you like him, don’t you?’

you glared at hanamaki, one that could even send daggers his way if it could. “no, i don’t”

“then why are you so worried? i mean, he still responds to your chats, right?” he mutters, munching on his sandwich all the while watching a volleyball match of your seniors, eyes trained at the ball.

you frowned, biting your lower lip in contemplation as you recalled when you talked to hajime last night about school work, which was a thing for the two of you before too.

“yeah,” you say, glancing at the other side of the gym, where hajime sat next to toru, his childhood best friend who was from another class. by then, a rush of sadness and loneliness flushes away your appetite, the sandwich on your hand almost forgotten. “-but he’s completely ignoring me in real life.”

it didn’t bother you much by that time.

“you’re staring, y/n.”

“yeah, like they do always.”

you could only roll your eyes at hanamaki and matsukawa, who were your best friends at that time due to the fact that you three had been at the same class during elementary and had continued being close since then. when you became friends with hajime, you merely did so just to have someone to talk within that one club that you shared with him and not with the rest of your classmates. aside from that, you felt comfortable talking to the guy. he really did look friendly and welcoming that it was quite easy to hit him up with a conversation.

but it didn’t mean that you like hajime.

right?

you scoff, muttering for the two to shut up before proceeding to enter your classroom, the two leaving you alone since they were not a part of your class. now, you could only bow your head down as you make your way to your seat, trying not to make much of a peep in hopes that no one will have to talk to you and most likely bring up the topic of you “crushing” on hajime when it’s not true at all.

but guess what? it’s not going to happen when the fact that your seatmate is toru oikawa himself.

“hey (y/n)! have you had a great lunch?”

the smile that creeped to your face was forced, honestly speaking. although if oikawa had noticed it, he didn’t ask for it further. “yes i did, how about you?”

“well, it was nice, but don’t you think it will be nicer if you join me and iwa-chan instead?”

the thing with oikawa is that he’s not just chatty with you, but he also tends to tease you with hajime, before that unfortunate day even came. the story behind that is that oikawa merely saw you talking with hajime one time after the club that you two shared and then he confided to you the next day, saying “you and iwa-chan look cute together, (y/n), i swear one day one of you will fall in love with the other, i’m sure of it.”

okay, you confirm to yourself that you didn’t like hajime that way is not because you wanted to prove oikawa wrong, but it does seem like toru oikawa was challenging you ever since he said those words to you.

and of course, you’ll win it, no matter if it was a real challenge or not.

“how about you, do you have any ideas?”

eyes followed as soon as the conversation turned to you, including hajime’s--to which you have met as soon as your mind returned to the reality that you temporarily exchanged for the train of thoughts that continued to operate inside of your mind.

“huh?”

“if you’ve got any ideas for the project,” says oikawa, being the automatic leader of the group due to his ability to instantly get along with everyone and having the real capability of leading them. apparently, the teacher decided to group you with the two, along with two other classmates that you never really bothered to get along well with. “if none, we can just go with what we gathered so far.”

you broke your contact with hajime after he did, turning your gaze to oikawa with a shake of your head. “no, i don’t have any.”

the worst part of the situation between you and hajime was that everything seems like a lie. the friendship--it seemed like a lie that you never bothered to correct or initiate to stop. why?

yeah, you kept wondering why.

maybe it’s because you always treasure your friends, or that you wanted to prove that what they are claiming is a fake, a lie--that you didn’t have a crush on hajime, and you will never ever will.

but what if you really did?

what if all these denials are making you believe that it is true as well? you had been thinking about that for quite some time now and the thought of it alone scares you. sure, you’ve had crushes or you’ve had people whom you liked or had feelings before, but not one that was your friend. it makes you wonder if these so-called “feelings” could have been due to wanting to always be with him and talk to him, but not in a romantic way. in fact, those are what you were feeling towards hajime.

there’s really nothing you should overthink about.

you like hajime as a friend, but not as someone you could see being with doing all the romantic stuff that other people do with their significant others.

for all you know, that thought was sooner diminished.

“did you cut your hair?”

“hm? yeah i did-” looking up, a sight that you never bothered to ever think about before was suddenly in front of you--hajime, with all the beauty of his wide shoulders and the muscles of his arm peaking through under his sleeve, extending down to his exposed skin to hi beautiful, veiny hand.

the only reason you were able to be brought back to school and to where you are exactly was when you felt a fleeting touch by your forehead, brushing away a couple of strands of hair that was on your forehead, the action waking you up in almost an instant to find hajime iwaizumi stepping back to give you back your personal space, an embarrassed look on his face that he sooner had to look away sideways to “hide” it from you.

and then he walked away. just like that.

you didn’t know how many seconds or even minutes you were sat frozen on that bench, the sight of the people practicing dancing in front of you to prepare for the upcoming intramurals that has a cheerleading competition in its event. your mind was floating; maybe up in the sky, plunging through the clouds, thinking about only one thing--or person.

why he did that, you had no idea. you could only think about all the questions that suddenly popped in your head, the scene continuing on playing like a broken television, replaying and replaying and replaying.

from iwaizumi: hey that hairstyle looks good on you from iwaizumi: you should keep it to iwaizumi: i ain’t keeping a hairstyle just coz you like it :p to iwaizumi: but… does it really suit me? from iwaizumi: yes :)

“do you like iwa-chan, y/n?”

you were sure you didn’t before but now is a different matter. not after that very small moment that you’ve had in real life after hajime ignored you continually on the outside.

leaving oikawa’s question unanswered was not a good idea, and he kept pestering you, asking you the very same thing, even as you were with others, merely whispering the words by your ear whenever he has a chance. you knew it was merely oikawa’s way of trying to set his two friends up--that’s if you treat him as a friend anyway.

you ignored oikawa, only until he whispered a different statement one day.

“i heard one of our classmates likes him.”

now that had caught your attention, unconsciously making you lock eyes with oikawa, who visibly looked pleased with the reaction that he was able to pull out from you.

“who?”

“the same one who asked you if you like iwa-chan.”

maybe it was out of curiosity or maybe something else, but either way, that specific reason made you glance towards where oikawa was pointing at, the very same person he was referring to in his words was sitting next to hajime, such an unfamiliar sight for basically anyone since hajime was indeed seated far away from them before, and for you to see them beside each other, it was, what was that word?--unsettling.

“they obviously like him, don’t you think?” oikawa mutters next to you, his lips pursed together, his eyes narrowed at the same way you were looking as well, the very subjects of your gazes minding their own business, as if they were the only ones left in the world.

you looked away before you could think about them further, however the scene is still in your mind, evading it and also blocking the previous memory that was stuck in your mind for days--when hajime finally made a “conversation,” with you. well, he didn’t really talk much that time but it was still better than nothing.

and now, just when he was not ignoring you, this person shows up and flirts with him-

wait, stop thinking about it y/n!

you blamed it on oikawa, like you had always done, ignoring the fact that those blames should be pointed to you instead--you who had an indecisive mind and the one that thought of all of this as a challenge of a game--a game where you should beat all the teasings by ignoring all of them. rather than doing that, you overthought all of them--it was all your fault.

it was your fault that you’re now having feelings for hajime.

unbeknownst to you, they slowly built up inside of your heart, his grasps creeping and creeping the more you longed for him in real life and not just behind the gadget that you two had; behind the chats that were merely there, inside an application where you can never know what his real reactions were due to the fact that you couldn’t see him as you two converse.

it was you.

it was you whose heart started fluttering as time went by.

“come on, hug them! it’s a punishment.” everyone cheers, and yet beyond the noise is the panic that rushes through your entire system, your eyes glazed over at hajime, who was looking embarrassed the more seconds passed by.

you stood there, fidgeting and unable to stop yourself from moving your feet, walking towards mattsun to makki to oikawa, begging them to stop this with merely your eyes, your lips refusing itself to open and say something that you’ll regret. after fully accepting the fact that you were slowly having these pesky feelings towards hajime, you still kept denying it to others. you were still afraid of what hajime would think. yes, sure, he was still talking to you through chats and text messages, even calling you a few times, and you knew that he wouldn’t be that pleased to have others teasing the two of you like this. he gets particularly annoyed whenever he’s “embarrassed” for stupid stuff like this. he deems it “pointless” in his own words.

it hurts, and that’s why you were also willing to indulge with oikawa and the others during moments like these, the hidden desires of your heart coming true to life even for just this single moment.

when you finally felt hajime’s arms around you, you felt as if you were protected, nurtured, and secured--and it felt very different. whenever you hug someone, you’ll feel comfortable, yes, but never this kind. in hajime’s arms, you felt a shield that physically safeguarded you from your surroundings, even from the noises that were supposed to erupt by your ears. instead, you heard of nothing but your heartbeat, pounding like a madman inside of your chest, continually for only one person.

by then have you realized how much you have craved for him.

you have hugged hajime a couple of times before, but it was the very first time that you have felt that kind of sensation pass through every cell in your body, releasing a rush of contentment only a millisecond after you’ve felt it. the embrace didn’t last for long, but for you, it was enough. for now.

that night, he didn’t reply to your text messages.

to iwaizumi: hey to iwaizumi: are you asleep already? to iwaizumi: it’s still early though... to iwaizumi: just uhm message me when you read this okay?

when you felt like everything was going back into order before the hug, fate does something again.

actually, it was you who did it and fate merely attracted you to doing it.

people are afraid of confessions, most of the time. and apparently, you’re one of those people. no matter if it’s a confession for a petty thing such as telling your friend that they smell a bit or a stranger when you see them having some dirt on their face or stain on their clothes. yet, despite being nervous about it, you still do it.

for some reason, it applies to your feelings about a confession towards hajime as well.

the moment you had fully accepted to yourself that you liked him more than a friend would, you knew it was the end for your friendship with him- that you can never bring back whatever that was lost or what was supposed to had been before any of these shenanigans ever happened.

weeks and months went by, until it had been a year and more since you first claimed that you liked him. by now, you weren’t at the same class as him anymore and guess what? you two were not talking or texting anymore either.

it seemed as if the friendship just… faded. and even if you had feelings for him, you let it slip from your hands, and yet it was the very thing that you were convinced that you wanted to have all this time--to not let this friendship die. since there was no possible way hajime would ever like you, at least you’ll have the friendship, you’ll still have him with you, by your side, even not as someone you secretly desired him to be.

“how is he?” you let out, barely able to look at oikawa as you gazed at your feet and the ground, something that is not even that interesting--to which the other knew and noticed. yet instead of speaking of it, oikawa answered your question.

“you meant iwa-chan, or me? if me, i’m alright, just a little hungry, do you want to go eat?”

still, oikawa is oikawa and he did everything to make you look up to him, even if it were of a soft glare, like you’d always do--and you did, earning yourself a satisfied smirk from oikawa, slightly snickering at your reaction.

“just kidding. iwa-chan is doing fine, just his usual self; iwa-chan being iwa-chan. no one is with him still, if you want to know--which i know you were.” he says, even so far as learning by your side, as if attempting to mutter the last statement by your ear.

even if your and hajime’s friendship were slowly fading away, you and oikawa still kept in touch. you had no idea why but, he eventually became your friend while in the process of this hajime ordeal, plus he was also your seatmate the whole year when you were at the same class.

oh, and he’s also the only one connected to hajime, so of course, being friends with him was also an advantage for you. at least, there was a mutual friend whom you could talk and confide to about his own friend, hajime.

“what happened to your confession anyway? i was quite positive you had a chance with iwa-chan this whole time.” you couldn’t see what he was looking at as he was saying those words but you were sure you heard him huff, which meant that he was making this funny expression in his face, one that made you chuckle a bit at the mental scene.

yet that chuckle turned into a smile--a smile that oikawa could admit that he had never seen in your face before.

“i confessed i like him, but, well, it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t like me. if he does, we’d probably be dating right now.”

usually, oikawa would be amused at your sarcastic remarks, but this one, he did not lie it one bit, just like the sad expression that you were making. he felt as if he was in your place, and his heart broke for you, the friend whom his bestfriend had rejected.

unbeknownst to you, oikawa tried to help you, even so far by “matchmaking” or “promoting” you to hajime. however, it seems the things only worsen the more oikawa does it.

“why? don’t you like them?”

“it’s not that.” the very same knitted brows appear on hajime’s expression and oikawa immediately recognized it since it was the same face that he’ll always give when they talk about a conflict--one that hajime doesn’t like talking about.

oikawa thinks it's childish-- the way hajime ignores all of this and the way you still stay hopelessly devoted to this man. it’s like you’re both prolonging the discomfort and pain that you two were feeling. he wanted you two to just talk it all out so that he wouldn’t be caught in between the two of you, and also because he didn’t like having you and hajime to be in this situation. he loathed having to see you both suffer from your own decisions and actions.

hajime is a broken man--that much you knew. oikawa once mentioned to you that hajime had his heart broken by someone he liked for several years, and now, he was rather reluctant in liking someone. when you came in the picture, he was already a broken man. that’s why you were fine with having to love him without him loving you back.

you didn’t mention that it was not painful otherwise.

“hajime,”

the recognition that plays by his face amuses you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him too; his face is not really much different than before, but it was obvious that he had matured a lot and puberty really gifted him with such a handsome, chiselled face. not only that, but his build changed too, even if he did have strong, muscley arms before. now, he looks like a very mature young man.

which he is anyway, why are you even paying attention to those things?

“long time no see” you say, halting in front of you and for him to fully turn to face you.

“y/n?” hearing your name being called by him gives you a feeling you once had before. however, you merely brushed that thought away, just in time for him to finally break off of his surprise.

“yeah, it had been.” he says, then pulling out the chair beside him, patting it. “here, let me treat you to a drink.”

you hesitated, and it seems as if hajime noticed it. “it’s alright if you’re in a hurry, we can just catch up some other day.”

“yeah, i think we should.” you nervously chuckled, and just when you were about to panic at how awkward the sudden encounter was, you were reminded by something. “we can have coffee some other day, but i have something for you.”

hajime watches as you rummage your bag, your attention focused on whatever you were finding as he takes this opportunity to actually look at you.

you look beautiful and mature, not so different from before, but you surely bloomed and become a really attractive person. if hajime were to be asked, he would have asked you on a date in almost an instant. yet, it will be proving to be difficult due to the history that you and him had.

the thought alone makes him want to regret his decisions from before, but he was not willing to say or express it out loud.

if you would give him a chance though, he’s pretty sure he would take it. he’s very different from who he was before, much mature and capable of being in a relationship.

he’s ready.

“here,” you suddenly were extending your hand to him, holding out a piece of envelope that looked very much like a letter. and before he could question it, you spoke.

“i’m inviting you to our wedding. toshi and i are trying to find people from our previous schools so…. here.”

the smile that was on your face was bright, and hajime was having a hard time processing everything that was happening in his mind and before he knew it, you were saying goodbye, leaving the invitation on his hand before leaving the cafe, saying that you had some errands to attend to.

when he was left alone, it took hajime a full minute to open the invitation, seeing the names written on it and reading everything else. he was surprised, but what shocked him the most is that he actually felt different.

he wasn’t heartbroken, no. it was as if someone had poured ice-cold water on him, the same memory of when you and him talked about the very same man you were marrying playing in his mind over and over.

it was amazing how fate brought you two in this situation, but it sure didn’t occur in hajime’s mind. when he first met you, he felt like he’d just met someone who will always be by his side, and he knew you deserve the best, that’s why he thought that he did not deserve you.

now he can only question himself as he looks at the invitation to your marriage with another man, drinking coffee alone and without anyone by his side anymore.

#iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #hajime iwaizumi #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi oneshot

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #internet stuff #this went in a bigger direction that i thought it would lmao #but anyway

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my-arlington-academia · 3 years

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Cliffany part 2

O-kay, and that’s it! I don’t know if I’ll write a continuation tbh since it was just a silly little idea that came out of nowhere. (Although I did have some ideas for more!) I haven’t really been active on my fanblog lately so it’s not like it’ll make much of a difference though haha. By the way, I’m thinking about making my blog more "Dulcet-oriented" rather than just SE. I hope you guys don’t mind? Recently, I’ve been getting more and more into Black Tarot! So expect my blog to change a lil 🔮🕯🌌

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It had been a couple of days now since Tiffany’s last interaction with Claire, and while she was still ignoring her like before, Tiffany’s efforts in doing so had increased. The moment she spotted her in the corner of her eye, she would move at a faster pace, as if running away. Was it guilt after all? No, she just didn’t have the energy to deal with Claire’s annoying and unnecessary empathy. The empathy that she knew she didn’t deserve which made her feel even more frustrated towards Claire.

All she should be worried about right now is getting more followers on Instaglam, not avoiding a nobody like the plague. On that note, spring was coming soon, the flowers started to blossom and the days were getting longer which meant... that the "cottagecore" tag on insta would go trending soon, no doubt! And of course, living on the Arlington campus as one of its students, this gave Tiffany the access to its beautiful garden. Although honestly, she only ever went there to take pictures and this time wasn’t any different. She had prepared some tea sets and dresses for the occasion, all of which she would throw away once spring went away along with its "trends."

Carried by her confident footsteps, she walked to the garden. That confidence was only a facade though. She knew exactly what kind of people and who in particular went to take strolls quite often in this goddamn garden. But hey, it was 7pm and the sun would soon start to set. Knowing that Claire always arrives 15 minutes in advance to any meeting and most likely always wakes up at 6am, there was nothing to be worried about. Chances are, she was either doing her homework before going to bed like a goody-two-shoes or watering her weird-ass plants. Tiffany always had the horror of seeing these at Raquel’s parties. It just didn’t fit at all with the rest of what was going on in the room and ruined the whole "party" vibe.

In any case, there she was, searching for a good spot to take pictures and set up a fake picnic. That basket filled with different colored blankets, tea sets, biscuits, tea and a pie was way heavier than Tiffany had initially thought. Maybe she really should’ve asked for collab pictures with Trisha from the fine arts department. She didn’t really like her but when it came to follower count they were surprisingly close, although Tiffany was still number one of course. Still, if she had asked for a collab they could’ve carried those heavy props together.

After finding a good spot next to the pond, Tiffany set everything up in an aesthetically pleasing manner and got down to taking the pictures. She was taking different shots to post them one by one throughout the week and give out the illusion that she was taking those the same day she posted them. She was ready to upload the first one, call it a day and go back to the dorms without touching any of the tea or cakes. It’s all just useless calories anyways. As she was putting the tags on the picture, she started wondering what were the names of those flowers in the background.

"Ugh, fuck. What are those orange shits called again?"

"Marigolds."

"Ah right, thank y-"

Tiffany immediately snapped her head back. This annoyingly gentle voice could only belong to one person.

"...What the fuck, Claire. Where did you pop out from?!"

There’s no was she was there the whole time, right? It’s true that Tiffany could get lost in what she was doing once she was focused but it wasn’t to the point where she became completely unaware of her surroundings.

"I came by a few minutes ago... Y-you looked so invested in what you were doing that I didn’t want to bother you! I didn’t mean to pry."

Well, Tiffany could always upload those damn pictures from her room. Claire’s arrival just meant that it was time for her to leave. However, seeing that Tiffany started packing up her things, Claire panicked thinking that it’s her fault. Which was in fact, her fault... in a way.

"O-oh! You’re not going to finish your picnic? I’m so sorry, I’ll just leave! Throwing all of this good food away would be such a waste-"

"Are you fucking dumb?"

Did she not get that this was all only a set-up for taking pictures? It was obvious that Tiffany didn’t have any intention of eating or drinking any of that. Not to mention that after everything that happened the other day, she was still not scared of approaching her?

"I don’t give a damn about the food, it was just for my social media accounts you dumb bit- ... dimwit. I was already done anyway so you don’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m leaving."

"I see! T-then maybe I can help?!"

Help? What did Claire even know about- Actually, on second thought. This whole "cottagecore" shtick was a great fit for Claire. She probably already had all of the things Tiffany bought last week for those pictures, even better and more authentic-looking ones probably. This was maybe the one and only time Tiffany would let Claire "help" her. But from her point of view, she was mostly just using her.

"Hm. Is that so? How can you help me then... Claire."

"Wait just a second! I’ll be back right away!!!"

She ran immediately towards the dorms. Well, she'll probably bring a bunch of random stuff. In the end, Tiffany was really torn between the idea of staying and waiting for who knows how long and the idea of leaving right now. Surely, Claire would make a hilarious expression when she’d realize that she was played with and abandoned. While trying to laugh it off, Tiffany accidentally remembered what happened a few days ago, along with Claire’s crying face. Damn... Okay, fine. She’ll wait for her but only because it would be annoying if she bawled again like a damn toddler.

And so she waited until, from the corner of her eyes, she saw a girl with a pink dress running towards her. That girl, of course, being Claire. She carried a picnic basket with her too, but much bigger and more practical. For half a second, Tiffany thought that Claire actually looked maybe, just maybe, a little bit pretty. She erased the thought in a hurry, covering it with harsh words as usual.

"Wh-why did you change your clothes? You think I’m gonna take pictures of you?"

"Ah, no, well..."

Claire looked at the beautiful picnic set-up and the cyan dress Tiffany was wearing.

"I just wanted to fit in with the rest of what you put up, I guess. Also, don’t you think that we kinda match? I brought some of the cookies I baked and my favorite teas and tea set. I think mine will look better with your picnic blanket! Uh- N-not to say that yours looks bad!!!"

She was trying so hard to make herself likable that it was painful to see... and kinda cute. God, Tiffany was really hating her thoughts today. She was just going soft because of Claire’s aura or something. Again, this was definitely the first and last time she was letting Claire help her with anything. I’d be bad if she turns completely brain-dead and clueless like her.

"...Whatever. Show me what you got. I’ll decide if it’s good enough."

Claire was pulling everything out of the basket one by one. Everytime, better and better items were pulled out after the other. Her cakes and cookies gave off a "homey" feeling which was more fitting with the aesthetic rather than Tiffany’s store bought patisseries. Claire was staring at her, wide-eyed and excited.

"W-what do you think, Tiffany? It looks good, doesn’t it?!"

"Uh. Yeah, it’s fine, I guess. I’ll take a few pics."

That was a lie. This looked so much better than the try-hard bullshit Tiffany had done. She was good at riding on the "trend wave" but Claire was a natural when it came to this one specific thing. Tiffany was trying to look as poker-faced as she could so as to not show her satisfaction, but clearly, her apparent enthusiasm for each shot was betraying her. Sometimes, she would accidentally take one with Claire in the shot and ask her to move.

"Hey. You’re ruining the picture with your ugly fac- dress. Move to the right."

Before Tiffany could even do anything about it, Claire was already pouring some tea into 2 cups.

"Woah woah woah, put the teapot down. I didn’t agree to this."

"But...This is a kettle, Tiffany. Not a teapot."

"Oh, shut it!"

Claire gave off such a dejected face that Tiffany, once again, felt like she was kicking a poor puppy to the ground. She held back on going off on a rant.

"But we’re already here and the weather is so nice! It would be such a shame not to use any of this at all..."

Claire looked around, observing this beautiful setting, not to mention, the sun was finally starting to set. Going home right now would be like an insult to the utter beauty of this scene, it almost looked like it came right out of a fairy tale picture book. Without mulling it over any further, Tiffany took a sip out of her cup.

"I’m only doing this because I feel compelled to, got it?"

Claire’s eyes lit up nonetheless.

"Alright! Please try out my cookies too!"

Tiffany contemplated them for a second... is it true that home-made stuff is more healthy? Surely, that’s just a myth, right? A cake from the store and a home-made cake will have about the same amount of sugar in them regardless of who made them and how. Well, she did see Claire share her food from time to time with her friends and while she would never admit it, it is true that she was a bit curious about trying them herself. What was the last time she had eaten anything "home-made"? Or did it ever even happen?

"...Okay, whatever. I bet they taste shitty."

Tiffany reluctantly took a bite... It was surprisingly really delicious!

"It’s bad."

"R-really?"

As much as she wanted to lie about it, she couldn’t after seeing Claire make that dejected face again.

"Uhhh. No, um. Hmm... On second thought, it’s pretty average. It’s okay-ish."

Tiffany really hated herself right now. Being mean has never been this hard before. She couldn’t wait for the moment where they would be done with this ridiculous play-pretend and go back to her room. She tried drinking and eating as fast as she could without making it look like she was in a hurry to run away from this awkward situation. And God, it was so fucking hard...

Unsurprisingly, they were both pretty silent the whole time. Well, it wasn’t like they had anything to converse about or things in common. Right as Tiffany was about to get up and pack up her belongings, for real this time, Claire spoke up. Nervously fiddling with the hem of her dress.

"Um. So you know, I have something to confess to you, Tiffany."

Oh God, not now. As much as Tiffany found this timing annoying, she couldn’t help but poke fun at that poor choice of words.

"Confess? Oh my, so you like me in that way, huh? That explains everything."

"Wha- N-no! That’s not it! I mean, realistically speaking, t-that would never even happen!"

Was she implying that she could never like someone like Tiffany? Well, Tiffany herself was the one who brought this up but she was a bit offended at that statement. Regardless though, the way she was trying to deny it so hard was kinda cute. No. Not cute at all! If this went on, Tiffany would really become crazy before the end of this day.

"Last time, you said that I was only being kind towards others to profit off of them and I didn’t say anything but... that wasn’t true at all! I always wanted to help you because I thought that you needed it, I swear. Not to satisfy myself! ... Well. Except maybe..."

"Except...?"

"T-today. I admit that I kind of had ulterior motives."

Now that piqued Tiffany’s curiousness right away. Suddenly, she didn’t want to leave as much anymore if it meant that Claire would finally admit that she did some things for her own benefit. Why was it? Did she want to post a picture of herself on Tiffany’s Instaglam to fish for compliments, knowing that she had a lot of followers? Claire hid her face behind her hands and muttered a few words.

"I... wanted you to warm up to me."

"...Huh?"

That’s it? That was it? Claire’s ulterior motive was for Tiffany to "warm up to her."?

"So like, you want us to be friends or some shit?"

"Oh no! Not necessarily that far, just... good acquaintances!"

Is she stupid? There’s no way that she genuinely thinks those "motives" are bad. Tiffany sighed in exasperation.

"Listen. I’m just really tired right now, I don’t have the energy to assimilate all the shit you’re saying. I’m packing all of this up and going back to the dorms."

In complete silence, they gathered all of their belongings and walked to the dorms while keeping a fair distance between the 2 of them. As if to say, "we’ve got nothing to do with each other." Surprisingly, Claire didn’t try anything anymore. Didn’t even wish for a "good night" or a "good evening" which was weird to say the least. Tiffany tried to ignore it and when she got back and unpacked all of the props, she noticed something that didn’t belong to her. One of Claire’s lunch boxes with cookies in them and... a note?

Here’s my number just in case ;3 Please give me my lunchbox back once you’re done eating the cookies!♡

"...Your note makes me wanna barf."

So that’s why she didn’t try anything. That sneaky little... she must've slid that into the basket when they were packing. She already knew that Tiffany would eventually be forced to talk to her again... as if! Who says she’ll return it? She can just throw all the cookies away along with the box... Or so she thought. Tempted, she took a bite, then another one. And another one. Her diet was ruined for sure now. Damn you Claire and your stupidly great cooking skills, as if you needed another skill to be better and more perfect than you already are. Tiffany put the box away, trying to forget the delicious taste and smell. Back to Instaglam she goes. Uploading the picture while adding the "marigold" tag on it. Going through the pictures again, she noticed that some of them had Claire in the corner. She was thinking of deleting them but... well whatever. She can just crop her out later if needed. Her dress looks pretty so it’s fine even if she does appear in the pictures. All we see is a bit of her hair, as long as her face isn’t visible, it’s okay. Yup. It was totally not because Tiffany was slowly starting to feel something towards the girl she was trying so hard not to get involved with.

#sweet elite #claire durand #tiffany #cliffany #crackship #fanfics

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daisyannewinchester · 4 years

Text

Siren!Jaskier

Alright so, I ran across this post of all these aesthetically pleasing pics, you can find them here. and someone @wilwheaton made a comment abt there being a prompt for each pic. So of course, all the fucking sudden, my brain was flooded with story ideas for each one. So I am slowly working through them all. Here’s my first one... This one is a Siren!Jaskier fic. @g-e-r-a-s-k-i-e-r here it is hun :) I’ll also be posting these to my AO3. (Edit: I cannot figure out how to post the picture of AO3 and am about to throw hands. or a computer. so it will only be the fic with no image. Edit again: i figured it out. haha. I’ve bested you, AO3. Fucker) You can find me under the same Daisy tag. Enjoy!

Geralt grumbled to himself as he descended into the valley, shoes getting muddier and muddier as he went. It felt like he was carrying ten extra pounds with him each time he picked up his boots, that much mud was caked onto the bottoms. It would take him ages to dig all the mud out once he was done. He couldn’t complain too much, though. The pay for this job was very generous.

The townsfolk up the mountain had begged and pleaded with a fat sac of coin for him to rid them of the incessant wailing coming from the flooded town down in the valley. The mayor explained with bags under his eyes that whatever was down there howled at all hours of the night and well into the morning, only stopping in mid afternoon and starting up again in the early evening. It had started two weeks ago when the dam had broken and flooded the valley and half of the town that inhabited it.

Geralt had to agree, the singing had not stopped since he set out early in the morning. While it was not unpleasant, it was also hard to concentrate on anything besides it. As he got closer, he was able to pick out several voices joined together, each singing in harmony to wail their tunes to the sky and the strum of an instrument keeping all the voices in tune. Geralt drew his silver sword as he finally reached the cobblestone streets that led into the town. He didn’t think he would need it; he had a good idea of what was down here, but it never hurt to be prepared and more than one creature might have inhabited this abandoned town. He passed building after building, following the wailing closer to the source. The sheer volume of it hurt his sensitive ears and he growled, annoyed.

The singing immediately stopped, and he heard several loud splashes followed by ear ringing silence.

“Fuck.”

He ran ahead into an open square. Half had been collapsed and tilted into the water. He could see wet spots where several bodies had been sitting at the water’s edge. There was a lute propped up out of the water and a trail of drops leading away into the water. He hummed and picked his way across broken boards and stone. He took the lute into his hands and studied it. Whomever it belonged to was taking good care of it, the wood was oiled nicely, and the strings well kept. He had an idea and sheathed his sword, keeping the lute in his hands as he walked away.

“This will make good coin,” He muttered to himself, only speakingjsut loud enough to be picked up at the water’s edge.

He heard a very faint splash in the water but ignored it, picking his way along the bank until he ducked into a stairway that led into the ocean. He propped the lute up on the stair just out of the water and promptly stripped himself bare, re-strapping a silver dagger to his thigh before wading into the cold depths. Water lapped at his chest by the time he was fully submerged. His ears picked up a faint splash behind him but he didn’t turn. Proceeding with washing himself, he allowed the shadow to creep down the steps closer and closer to the lute.

He caught sight of a naked man in his peripheral, young, with brown hair dripping and plastered to his face and bright blue eyes, fixated on the lute, wet fingers reaching out to grab it. Geralt’s hand snapped out, fingers wrapping around the hand gripped on the neck of the lute, yanking the wide-eyed, startled, dripping man back into the water. The boy yelped, flailing his arms as he was pulled headfirst into the water. Geralt wrenched the lute from his grasp and held it out of the way of the splashing. He watched as the mans legs grew together into a singular fin all the way up to his waist, scales glistening a sea-foam green that perfectly blended with the water. Gills grew on the side of the man’s neck and his teeth elongated into fangs, which he bared at Geralt with a hiss.

Geralt held his other hand up by his shoulder in a gesture of surrender, “I just want to talk.”

The siren coiled up like a snake about to strike and Geralt held the lute over the water. “Attack me and she goes in.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Geralt lowered the lute to the water. The siren feigned nonchalance, picking at something on the claws of his fingers. When the strap brushed the water, the siren yelped and held out his hands as if the stop the Witcher.

“Alright. Alright! Stop! What do you want?”

“The gods awful singing. Stop it.”

“Excuse me?! They may be young, but those children are getting along wonderfully! I have high expectations for quite a few of them to become excellent Lures someday.”

“Lures?”

“Yes Lures. Enticing humans into the water. What’s a proper word? Hunter? Whatever you lot call them.” The siren sassed as if this is common knowledge that sirens must be trained in their art of hunting. Geralt hummed.

“Well, your classes are annoying the town up on the cliff. They’ve sent me to quiet whatever is making a ruckus down here.”

The mans bright blue eyes strayed into the water like he could see the knife strapped to Geralt’s thigh through the murky blueness. Geralt stood still under his scrutiny. The siren started to hum and the wolf pendant on Geralt’s chest vibrated as well, holding the siren song at bay. The man’s voice had a strange musical quality to it when he spoke, his voice seemed to pull Geralt in, even with the pendant keeping most of the magic at bay. The siren’s expression shifted from one of annoyance to intrigue and seduction. His tail swishes in the water, pushing him gently toward Geralt in the water.

“And just what do you plan to do about our singing, dear human? Tell me the truth, now.”

“Make a trade. Lute for silence. Find somewhere else to do your classes.”

The siren hummed in thought but didn’t respond. He eyed Geralt up and down, and entices, “What’s your name?”

“Geralt.”

The siren lit up in a way Geralt didn’t expect, eyes changing from dark with hunger to bright with excitement.

“Oh, I’ve heard about you! Geralt of Rivia, the famous Witcher! Come to visit my new home, how exciting!” His voice doesn’t hold any Lure to it anymore and Geralt relaxed minutely, pendant going still around his neck. The siren’s tail flicked in excitement.

“I’ve a better deal.”

“Hm.”

“I’ll tell the other professors to move our classes and you give me my lute back and let me travel with you for a year. I’ll stay out of your hair; you won’t even know I’m there. I’m in desperate need of new content to sing about and the life of a Witcher is perfect for my songbook.”

Geralt thought it over. He’s sure, once on the road for a few days, the siren will beg off, find the nearest river and make for the ocean, bored out of his mind and tired of the grunge of life on the road.

“Fine,” he growled and climbed the stairs out of the water. The siren seemed unfazed by his nakedness.

The siren beamed, showing off a mouth full of fangs.

“Brilliant! You can call me Jaskier, by the way. I’ve got to get my stuff and inform the academy that I’ll be taking leave, but I’ll meet you at the edge of town! Oh, the children will be so excited. I’ll have such tales to tell them upon my return.” With a flick of his tail, he darted off. Geralt watched his scales gleam in the water as he sliced through the water down the canal and out of sight.

He quickly redressed and set off for the edge of town. He’s climbing back the way he came when he heard panting behind him.

“Were you trying to leave me behind? You were supposed to wait for me!”

“Please, tell me you’re dressed.”

“Of course, I’m dressed, I’m not an imbecile.”

“Hm.” Geralt glanced behind him to see Jaskier in a deep green doublet open to a white tunic tucked into green trousers. Completely impractical for travelling. His lute is strapped to his back, along with a small pack. Geralt picked up speed as best he can.

“Oi! Slow down you oaf. One would think you’re trying to lose me.”

“Hm.”

“Well that’s rude, I thought we were friends.”

Geralt stopped and turned to the siren. “Come here.” He gestures the smaller man closer.

The man stepped forward eagerly and promptly darted out of the way of Geralt’s fist. He bared pointed teeth at Geralt in retaliation but doesn’t seem too put off, still following after Geralt, just out of arms reach.

“You need to put those away when we get to town.”

Jaskier stretched his jaw and sharp fangs turned into human teeth.

When they come within sight of Roach, tethered to the tree, Jaskier beamed and bound forward, cooing to Roach and petting her mane. He seemed so excited, Geralt didn’t have the heart to tell him off. When he tried to climb into the saddle, Geralt gripped him by the hips and pulled him off. Jaskier shrieked in surprise and it hurt Geralt’s ears. The Witcher set him on the ground and saddle Roach instead.

“You walk.”

*****

Four months later and Geralt swears the siren would have been tired of him by now. And yet he’s still here.

Geralt finds that he doesn’t want Jaskier to go.

Not that he would ever tell him that.

#siren!jaskier #geraskier #slightly #if you squint #jaskier #geralt of rivia #siren #the witcher #henry cavill #joey batey #daisy writes #daisy shorts #enjoy

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yakumtsaki · 4 years

Photo

Alright you guys, sorry for the delay, I’ve had to restart this post 20 fucking times because my changes weren’t being saved in the draft and then I kept getting the ‘upload failed’ error. In case you don’t remember wtf is going on you might wanna re-read the last update (I certainly had to) which is apparently from JUNE 2018. Jfc I suck so hard. Now this was gonna be really long but tumblr wouldn’t post it so I’m breaking it up in 3 parts, part 2 to be posted tomorrow. For those that don’t feel like reading back, general recap of the last couple updates:

Jojo cheated on Wyatt with Max Flexor and my solution to that marital crisis was to adopt our first dog ever, a puppy hilariously named Maxx.

The puppy grew up to be an asshole and is constantly beating up the cats, who have turned into giant pussies (no pun intended) and are losing every fight to him despite the fact they’re named after Mortal Kombat characters. They’re a fucking disgrace to Alegra’s/Victor’s/Ronroneo’s memory and I haven’t settled on a cat heir yet because they both suck.

Jojo is perma miserable, I don’t even remember how much money away from his 100k LTW, and still not a werewolf despite my pathologically persistent attempts to make him friends with the wolf.

Fucking useless Wyatt didn’t get promoted while Komei was alive providing us with his 100 townie friends, we spent 20 updates befriending every rando that crossed our lot to secure his promotion, and then finally on the day he was supposed to become Captain Hero, Wyatt got, of course, fired and is now on track to take longer to complete his literal career based LTW than Komei took to get 6 pets on the top of their careers.

Absolutely everyone hates noogie addict Shajar, she got a Kylo Ren makeover, and we still don’t know what her sexual orientation is thanks to her ridiculous fitness/fatness turn ons and cleanliness turn off.

Golden child/10 nice points freakshow Cyneswith grew up, rolled romance with the most disturbing turn-ons/offs possible (grey hair/mechanical & charisma turn off) and the 20 simultaneous lovers LTW.

Wulf grew up into a kid, got an Amadeus makeover, is officially a Wyatt clone and the only member of this family I don’t completely hate yet.

Now I’d like to begin the first Union post in more than a year by requesting you do me a solid and lower your expectations for this thing as far down as humanly possible. Like really try to recreate the Jules Verne classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth” with your expectations here, because my brain is so fucking fried that there’s a 20% chance I randomly start citing sources at some point during this post. This grad school crap has seriously been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. And speaking of bad trade deals, let’s get this update rolling with the man, the myth, the legend, the husband who managed to make Komei look like a dreamboat in comparison..

..Wyatt fucking Union, née Monif. It’s been a long time, but I’m not gonna lie to you Wyatt, not nearly long enough. Looking good man, just one small question, where the fuck are your eyebrows?

-You àccidéntally deléted thém, imbécilé, et I cannôt exprèss my irritatiόn prόperly becausé I hàve non eyebrôws!

Did your selective French accent get thicker this past year or is it just me?

-It géts thickér whén je suis distrésséd, givé moi mon eyebrôws bàcc!!!

No can do, brother. Actually can do, but I think the Mona Lisa look is working for you, and more importantly I still hate you, so I’m just gonna hardcore ignore you for the rest of this post if that’s ok. Talk to me when you finally get promoted, aka never the way this shit is going.

-Non! NON! MON EYEBROWS!

It’s been lovely catching up.

Jojό I mean Jojo, goddammit Wyatt, is spending most of his time building robots in the mausoleum (sweet hipster band name alert)..

..giving financial advice in Shajar’s room (inb4 what’s the difference between the mausoleum and Shajar’s room)..

..building evil snowmen alone in the middle of the night, like all mentally healthy middle aged men with 3 kids are wont to do..

..and getting the piss harassed out of him by the cat ghosts in the bathroom (sweet hipster band name alert #2). How is this like the fourth time this happens in the exact same spot, will you just stop autonomously cleaning the bathroom after midnight? It’s obviously where the cats hang out, give it the fuck up already.

-I’m actively TRYING TO DIE you absolute moron, what does a guy have to do to get killed around here?

Yea can’t say that I blame you but not happening, you can commit suicide by Ghost Alegra after the kids fuck off to college, ok? I promise.

-Oh like you promised me being heir was a route worth pursuing??

Um obviously you too need to go back and re-read your own life story, because I spent the entirety of our “““cherished””” time together telling you heirship is a shitty gig at generation 2. And then to top it off you went and married Wyatt to ensure maximum shittiness, so there you go, fucking enjoy. God I am so sick of both of you losers and we’re only 5 pics in. Let’s check in with your spawn, I’m sure they can’t possibly be more annoying than their parents-

-oh right, I forgot, this is the generation with 10/10/9 active points where the party never stops. Cyneswith are you somehow twerking to classical music?

-How else am I gonna attract all those hot senior citizens per my grey hair turn on and 20 lovers LTW?

Ok great yea I see how this is gonna go, you’re trying to entice people into voting you for heir based on how torturous playing this fucked up LTW is gonna be for me, well forget it, my readers are intellectuals and completely above such petty entertainment. (istg mofos, don’t even think about it, i already did Komei’s 5 pets career shit, i will burn this place to the ground if you saddle me with Cyneswith banging the elderly for 30 years)

-No need to worry your stupid little head, I will beat Cyneswith for HEIR just like I beat her HAIR up daily! HAHA!

Shajar no offense but you’re a fucking war crime of a sim, nearly everyone who’s ever met you hates you including your parents, and the fact that you’re the alternative here is really not helping my situation in any way. Also how the fuck are you gonna be heir when the only thing you seem to be attracted to is giving noogies, you’re like one week away from college and I still don’t even know if you’re str8 or gay or bi or w/e the fuck you are. You have Jojo’s personality combined with..

..yes exactly, DANIEL’S SOCIAL ABILITIES. I mean I was joking with the whole ‘Shajar’s the spawn of Satan’ thing, but this combo of traits was clearly drawn up in Hell’s boardroom.

ANYWAY. It’s a snowy Sunday morning, and anyone who has been a teen knows what that means:

Time to go clubbing! Man I remember being like 15, waking up on a freezing Sunday morning and my mom making me a cup of hot chocolate before I drove off to the club. Those were the days.

-Uh, Shaj, when did you learn how to drive?

-Don’t be stupid, Cyneswith, people don’t need to ‘learn’ how to drive.

-They absolutely do, actually.

-Well what can I tell you, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

-Here we are, safe and sound! Celebratory noogie!

-YOU RAN OVER 9 PEOPLE

-How many times to I have to explain this to you, Apartment Life townies are not people.

Can’t argue with that logic. Let’s just go in and find out what Shajar’s sexual orientation is once and for all so I can spend the rest of this update aggressively promoting Wulf’s candidacy.

Now I consider ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ one of the dumbest sayings there is, but even I have to concede that this particular picture truly is worth a thousand words. Quick poll, what is more horrifying, Shajar’s literal Joker face or Cyneswith, whom I’ve never seen read a book ever, autonomously pulling one out in the middle of the dance floor, in what I can only assume is an attempt to attract old perverts with the schoolgirl routine?

And I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like ‘bro, you’re just reaching to make a bad joke bro, Cyneswith is just a sweet nice introvert and not like other girls, she doesn’t feel comfortable in the club’, well to that let me reply with another picture that is worth a thousand words:

Yea that’s right, on the first minute of our first time out WE RUN INTO THAT ONE ELDER TOWNIE THAT HAS WRINKLE MAKE UP ON. GODDAMMIT CYNESWITH

Do you guys remember how Jojo was obsessed with Stephen Tinker as a teen? Are you seeing the connection here?? Those kids have literally inherited the worst possible traits from both their parents turned up to 11, it’s fucking unreal.

Right after I get over Wrinkle’s presence I turn around and what do I see, those 2, who have never had a non-noogie physical interaction, autonomously doing the family kiss thing. I didn’t even catch it on time because I was loling irl, we came out here so these assholes can find age-appropriate partners, and instead they’re kissing each other. Seems about right with this family, and clearly Striped Scarf’s dumb ass ships it.

-They look so much alike, it’s meant to be!

Yes, and they even share the same last name! Talk about written in the stars.

Thankfully Abhijeet is here to save us from incest by perving on Cyneswith. GTFO ABHIJEET. Anyone like ‘bro townies just autonomously come to greet your sims on community lots regardless of age, stop calling them perverts’, see you in about 5 pics down.

I try to have Shajar chat up Striped Scarf and suffice it to say Shaj ~stole her heart~ and presumably put it on this stick to wave around.

NO. CYNESWITH NO. I’m seriously having déjà vu of all the times I was like ‘NO. JOJO NO’, jfc.

Shajar is unsurprisingly exhibiting no interest in socializing with anyone around her, instead she’s trying every activity this terribly lit place has to offer, and she looks demented while doing it:

I’m feeling a primal urge to photoshop Darth Vader’s melted helmet on the bowling ball here, someone please remind me to do it for the heir vote photoshoot.

-HA. SUCK IT DENISE JACQUET

That’s Denise Jacquet?! I can’t tell who anyone is for shit anymore. The default replacements are a scourge upon premade brands, I’m getting rid of them pronto. Speaking of scourges, where the hell is your sister?

-Who cares?

I wanna say ‘me’ but we both know that’s a lie.

Oh ok, THERE SHE IS.

-So you see Cyneswith, just because something is technically ‘illegal’, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong-

Yea yea fascinating stuff, now get out of the hot tub or I will fucking neuter you, I don’t know if a eunuch mod already exists for medieval games but I will make one if it doesn’t.

Here, Cyneswith, drink some water, have a nice G-rated convo with your sister about violins and stop pissing me off.

-First of all this is straight vodka.

Great.

-Secondly Shajar is talking about Mozart’s coprophilia.

-I sure am.

Amazing. Well, I guess it’s at times like these when you need to look inside your heart and truly ask yourself, what did you expect from Jojo’s children.

ABHIJEET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME TALK ABOUT CASTRATION

-Ha, I went home and put on my most elderly-looking formal wear!

-I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Ab <3

CYNESWITH SHUT UP. I can’t believe you people are actually making me miss Gunther’s teenage whoring, at least he kept it age appropriate.

-Is some random lady pressing her breasts against my head?

She most certainly is, Shajar, because it is now crystal clear that this bowling alley doubles as the site of annual perv townie convention and we walked right into it-

-and it’s also clear we have serious issues and are enjoying ourselves. Shaj I legit don’t know what to tell you, this is the first time you get along with someone right away and it just had to be the adult with the bad haircut and the flasher’s trench coat???

-You’re damn right it did.

Alright then, I’m officially going to nope out of this situation, safe in the knowledge you’re a noogiesexual and nothing will actually happen with this freak, so I’ll focus on Cyneswith instead who is much more of a loose canon.

Here Cyn, talk to this guy, who I’m 90% sure is the same guy your father rejected in favor of stalking Stephen Tinker when he was your age.

-Ohhhh, he’s dreamy!

Omg really?? Halleluj-

-oh never mind, you were of course referring to adult ass Brandon Lillard. I do like that our townies have recurring roles each generation, we should make rejecting Blondie a rite of passage in this family. We should also officially gtfo because this is happening:

-Um, now that I’m looking at you in harsher lighting, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

Oh, thank the fucking lord.

-Let’s celebrate the fact we didn’t get hopelessly obsessed with any adults here by doing the traditional Dance of Normality!

-We beat Dad’s genes, we beat Dad’s genes!

-We’re normal!

Yes, and we’re definitely showing it. Can we please leave now so I can make sure I’ve uninstalled Inteenminator and turn off free will?

-Nop! Venue change!

-Got-out-of-the-car celebratory noogie!

-Made-it-to-the-door celebratory noogie!

Shajar you unironically have a noogie addiction, I’m not kidding in the slightest, you need to see a doctor.

Great, great, not another teen in sight and to top it off Denise followed us here to ensure maximum elder presence. I feel comfortable officially declaring this day a complete waste of time.

God, the vintage pink dress and the pink alcohol combo is some straight up current era Taylor Swift nonsense. That’s it, we’re outta here, back home where no one is lurking, waiting to strike at us-

-SOPHIE NOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔

-The Lord is my shepherd.

NO HE ISN’T EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T HERD CATS PLEASE DON’T DIE

-Nop, I’m over it. Goodbye heathens, it’s been nice, hope you don’t find your paradise.

UGH SOPHIE, my beloved Westboro lunatic, the last gangsta generation 1 cat we had.. I can’t believe you’re gone and all I’m left with is stupid Goro and D’vorah who can’t even beat up the fucking dog. This is truly painful.

Yes, pets, I agree, Kaylynn is completely to blame for Sophie dying of old age. The time has now come to decide on a cat heir-

-and since Goro ran away like a little bitch after Sophie’s death despite the fact he didn’t even like her, he’s automatically disqualified and will be going off to live on Melody and Daniel’s farm once returned to us. Congratulations to D’vorah I guess, on being the least terrible of two terrible options.

On the topic of terrible heir options, Cyn has non-stop wants to go on dates and have her first kiss and all that crap, and since our Sunday morning clubbing was a bust we invite over the matchmaker.

-Hello there young Union, I see your house has been upgraded since I was last here.

Oh right we haven’t required your services since Daniel was a teen and we lived in a trailer, well we are flush with cash now!

-Hopefully your payment reflects that.

It will!! Just please give us someone good, I can’t deal with single teen Cyn for one more second.

-Oh my, what a beautiful BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.

WHAT!? NO THAT’S 5K IT’S JUST A SNOW GLITCH

-What do I look like to you, a money thawing service?

Does such a service.. exist??

-It does not, so I have to go home and use a hairdryer on this!

Just come inside and we’ll give you non-frozen money!

-No, no, you’ll get what you paid for..

-Have a magical time!

...

.........

......................

Lakshmi this was so fucking evil that I almost want to age you down and see if you and Shajar hit it off.

-As if, the whole neighborhood knows what you did to Komei.

Helped him achieve his insane 6-pets-career LTW?

-Turned him into a servant while your sim was lounging around all day!

Oh yea I did do that. But Wyatt was also a townie and he does literally nothing, Jojo is the servant now!

-Only because Wyatt is too fucking stupid to do things! Word has gotten out, no townie will ever marry in this family again unless they’re brain dead, so it’s Wyatts only for you from now on, sister!

Well this has been a complete fucking disaster. It was great seeing you again, Lakshmi, thanks for the dream date with the adult farting machine, 5k well-spent.

Pretty sure it was you bro, and yes, how about we don’t do that again.

Wyatt has brought over Amanda from work! (Aka Victoria’s only friend and subsequent lesbian lover, who is really pretty and is definitely getting married in at some point, preferably after the brown hair genes have been weakened so we can go back to being gingers.)

-Wow Shajar, your grandmother, God rest her soul, mentioned you were her favorite and now I can see why! Loving the Kylo Ren look!

-Is someone being genuinely nice to me?! What is happening?

-Yes, please stop being nice to her, Amanda, we don’t want her getting used to it.

Jojo istg.

-Cyneswith dear, tell Amanda all about how much money your grandmother left you so she can stop being nice to Shajar.

-Soooo much money, Miss Amanda!

-Ah, what a polite child I’ve single-handedly raised.

-Now, Cyneswith, you really need to get back on the dating scene so you have ample time to find the perfect spouse and continue our line, since you’re clearly the only one of my children that is remotely heir material.

-Dad, Shajar and Wulf are right next to you.

-Oh they are? I’m wearing my special contact lenses that make those disappointments invisible to me, but even better, they need to hear this. Shajar is a noogiesexual and thus incapable of reproduction, and Wulf is not even a Union, I mean have you seen that kid? Wyatt reproduced by himself like the amoeba he is. Now, your grandmother-

-YOU MENTIONED ME 3 TIMES AND HERE I AM

OH FUCK VICTORIA, deleting the default replacements gave you base game hair!!!!

-That’s the part you’re scared by, not my Beetlejuicesque entrance?

There’s literally nothing scarier than your ghost sporting this haircut for all eternity, I’m re-downloading that default immediately.

-Oh mom, so good to see you! Let me just hug my beloved child, Shijer-

-Shajar, dad.

-SHAJAR, let me hug Shajar, like I do all the time.

-I’m glad to see you’re not picking favorites among your children like I did, the way I treated David-

-Daniel, mom.

-DANIEL, is the one thing I’ve truly been regretting in the afterlife. That and not skinning Marisa Bendett alive when I had the chance.

-Well, as you can see by Shajar’s totally normal and not at all shocked reaction to my hug, I am a wonderful, fair, and emotionally available father.

(Bruh this freaked me out so much when it happened, I mean I KNOW it’s an animation glitch but I was convinced my sims had become sentient for a good while after)

-Is your grandmother’s ghost still on the premises?

-Yup.

-When will this nightmare end, paying attention to you is the worst.

-Ok she’s gone.

-FINALLY. Now it’s back to the crypt for you, and don’t you dare go complain to her urn!

-Ah, Stephen, Stephen, my life is crap and I can’t even🎵

And with the knowledge you have composed a theme song for Stephen Tinker, part 1 of the Union comeback update is concluded. Will Shajar’s sexual orientation reveal itself? Will Cyneswith find true love? Will Jojo become a werewolf? Will Wulf continue to be the only dignified member of this family? Will D’vorah have kittens? Will Wyatt do literally anything worth mentioning? Tune in for parts 2 & 3 to find out, unfollow button on the upper right corner for those who need it.

#gen 2 #ts2

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

Text

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 15 - Candy Page 34

==>

John finally decides to let the relevance of his story end, and enjoy that he’s made at least some of his other friends happy with his choice. Time to read Page 34...

VRISKA: Pfft, yeah, wh8tever. I’m basically Immortal, bitch.

Preeeetty sure you’re confusing yourself with one of your parents.

Pff, actual healthy kismesis with a Tavros? Wow, we’re getting all sorts of redemption by not-really-Vriska proxy here.

HARRY ANDERSON: he’s always getting all weepy whenever i talk to him anyway. HARRY ANDERSON: i don’t think i could have taken another round of him choking back tears while apologizing to me about “what happened with me and your mother, harry.” HARRY ANDERSON: i mean, god. he’s not even fucking DRUNK when he does this. HARRY ANDERSON: that might actually be the most embarrassing part.

.......

Okay, having grown up with a father who suffered from serious depression and would break into tears embarrassingly easily, uh. I can relate? But also fuck you, that’s inconsiderate.

--Dammit, new Vriska is catching wind of old Vriska.

Vriska and (Vriska) both start shrieking at a pitch John’s only ever heard one time before. It was a sound that once accompanied the end of everything. A sound once heard the night he dreamt in anime.

Oh that’s brilliant. If the entire Candy arc ended here it’d be great, though I know it’s not quite over yet.

==>

...Oh shit, we actually get to see what happens immediately next.

Interesting introspective thoughts! Or, trying her best NOT to be introspective and failing.

Oh my god, SHUT UP Gamzee. Vriska, just kill him already??

PFFF HE SENT A PIC OF IT TO KARKAT :D

Pfff. Yeah, Vriska, TRY and ignore what just happened and how it was almost entirely your idea.

(Vriska) is so furious, she has no way of pinpointing the exact moment her intent stopped being intimidating him into silence and started being guaranteeing his silence, forever.

Thank FUCKING goodness, PLEASE kill him.

YAY he’s dead! :D (Even though he’ll probably revive anyway because bullshit.)

Heheh. NOW we get a cross-Vriska heart to heart.

==>

Alright, a bit more John moping. Man... this Candy section is a whole lot easier to swallow AFTER Meat than I imagine it would have been before.

.....heck. EITHER of these epilogue branches are really fucking hard to swallow the first time around without the other’s context.

Oh huh, it’s his house from the Medium then? Relocated and stuff?

Jake, hm. Is Jake going to try and leave his son with John like that failed kidnapping in reverse or?

Jake snaps the elastic on his pair of red underpants. It’s the only thing he’s wearing.

Oooookay then.

JAKE: She had a certain way she liked me kipped out and well, i didnt want to bring anything that belonged to her when i left. Nothing she er, might miss. TAVROS: You took me,

Jake winces.

TAVROS: And,,, you took you,

Jake’s wince deepens.

Oh, so that’s what this is! Jake fleeing with his son from an abusive relationship. About gosh darn time. .....geez, how bad did it get for JAKE to finally muster the gumption to do that himself after all these years???

Jake is one whole wince now

I know THAT feeling. Or at least feel like I do.

John you dedicate your life to keeping this child happy

JOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough forever.

JAKE: Maybe you should blame me? JAKE: Maybe i need someone to blame me. For once. JOHN: ...huh? JAKE: I think im starting to realize that ive been going through life with the mindset that nothing has ever really been within my control.

YES.

This is how Vriska broke Tavros way back in the comic, by constantly denying him agency. Jake’s been battered down the same way too, and it’s not too late to pick up the reins. He’s already DONE that by finally leaving his genocidal wife.

There’s a bit of Page of Hope-yness to this whole disastrous Candy timeline, come to think of it? People fulfilling others’ desires out of obligation constantly, doing what they think others want? Roxy, Jake, Dave and Karkat... all fucked over at the aggressive whims of more active folk, rolling over when they really shouldn’t have? Or in Roxy’s case, her CHARACTER basically SHOULD NOT HAVE IN THE SLIGHTEST?

JAKE: Havent you ever wanted to let someone make the tough choices for you?

Huh.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

Yes. You can act and change this too, John. You almost did with the kidnapping before! Go and take down the new Batterwitch.

Hm, Hopey thing?

JAKE: John. JOHN: yeah? JAKE: Take my hand. JOHN: what? why?

Oh shit. Are they going to be able to FIX some of this BS with some sort of hopey thing??? :D Probably too much to hope for but still!

Being flung from Jake’s orbit of Hope and Change

Pffff. Had to throw in an Obama didn’t you.

...Oh. Oh wow. Oh we get to figure out what the fuck was up with Roxy all this time. Oh boy.

JAKE: So what if it doesnt change anything? Wont it matter to your family to see you care? JAKE: Wont it make you feel better to try?

Heheh, Hope aspecty stuff. The ability to believe that something matters even when you “know” it doesn’t.

==>

...Yeah, it’s pretty easy to relax on a dead Gamzee.

Oh cool. These Vriskas are alike enough to bond! New Vriska is still in her teenage unbalanced go-for-it stage, and old Vriska has been knocked down a peg by the clown incident, putting them on a close enough level to not want to instantly disown each other, unlike old Vriska and ghost Vriska.

VRISKA: The Mayor’s dead, dude.

HOW did the Mayor die?!?? Did I just FORGET that from the end of Homestuck or something??

(I mean, probably.)

Callback to the clouds in that first Jade dream John had.

(VRISKA): Or may8e the truth just makes me kind of nervous. VRISKA: What “Truth”? (VRISKA): Don’t tell him I said this, 8ut, I think John is just an extremely powerful 8eing. Even when he sucks. (VRISKA): And he certainly does appear to suck in this reality. (VRISKA): And yet, the uneasy feeling is there. (VRISKA): It’s a vague feeling I’ve had in the 8ack of my mind for a long time, 8ut it really hit me when I was talking to him earlier. (VRISKA): It’s distur8ing to think a8out that much power 8ottled up in one stupid nerd who’ll never understand it. VRISKA: What Power are you even talking a8out? VRISKA: Like, lame Wind Powers? (VRISKA): No, I mean... (VRISKA): The power to shape reality. Even without intending to.

FUCK did he really cause all this??? Even the Roxy shit?!??? D: D: D:

It’s being left vague but it IS sounding like John was actually RIGHT about all that stuff. FUCK, if the “villain” who messed up Roxy is actually just John’s subconscious... :C

Even if the epilogue ends right here, though, with John about to call Roxy, I can imagine it working out, though. It’s on a right enough track there.

(VRISKA): I’ve spent so long caring so much a8out what other people thought of me. Mainly that they saw me as important, or making a “difference.”

Mhmm mhmm. Light n stuff.

Yeah, realizing that importance isn’t ALL that’s “important” is really, um. Important. Ahem.

Hm, other Vriska, that smile had seven pairs of dots, not eight. :?

(VRISKA): The POINT is, I was so mad at her. (VRISKA): That happy ghost version of myself, who was free of everything. (VRISKA): I was pro8a8ly mad 8ecause she got to 8e who she really was, without stressing a8out it, which is something I never felt like I was allowed to have.

Indeed.

(VRISKA): I guess I mean there’s someone specifically I fell out of touch with, who it feels like I’ll never see again.

Too bad, only ghost Vriska got her reunite with ‘Rezi. :P

(VRISKA): On some level I knew she was right. She was happy and honest with herself. And that’s what made her... (VRISKA): A version of myself who was actually worthy of someone I cared a8out.

Yyyep. As I said. :)

VRISKA: You’re just talking a8out The Girl You 8linded that one time, aren’t you? (VRISKA): Ummmmmmmm.

Heheh. Yeah, you’re not going to hide that sort of thing from your sharp near-clone.

Oh cool! She gets to see all those messages and feel turboguilt or something.

...oh shit. Is a message going to actually get to her? It-- oh shit. Didn’t Terezi have her phone buzzing in her pocket and ignored it in the end of Meat or something? Or at SOMEONE did and I thought it conspicuous but it didn’t get addressed in that side of the story and-- FFFFuck is she eventually going to see it or??! D:

She’s GOT to have seen it before running all the way off with villain Dirk, right?? D:

==>

Okay. You seem to be thinking clearly, Roxy. What’s going through your head? Give us some answers. Don’t fuck this up too much, John.

but she knows by now that it’s not her job to make him happy. That was something she gave up on years ago. But wanting to? That feeling is still as fresh as it always was.

FUCK was this all just a placid feeling of obligation to make John happy for all he did to ensure victory or something??? D: D: D:

She’s still working through what she feels about distancing herself from Jane

Yesssss

If he’s truly about to be real with her for the first time in forever,

Gosh fucking DARNIT John, you could have fixed all this DECADES AGO if you had a real talk with her ONCE!!!!!

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit ROXY: u might relate JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are. JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it. JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life. JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally. JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault. JOHN: but even before that... JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did— JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do— JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

...Huh.

That may not actually be true, and Roxy might be about to prove how self-absorbedly reductive that is.

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

Okay YES. If this wasn’t him, then SET HIM THE FUCK STRAIGHT. :D

She knows more than he does, and she doesn’t need to hear it.

TELL US TELL US TELL US

YES TEAR INTO HIM he’s wanted that for so long stand up for yourself and tell us what the fuck happened and why

He’s been looking at her, really looking at her, and she doesn’t want to blink, just in case that shatters it.

Yes because he was looking for the real Roxy that would call out his BS

JOHN: i used to be so angry that you wouldn’t tell me what you really thought, before. JOHN: not like i wanted to FIGHT fight, but like. JOHN: i’m just not used to this flavor of roxy. ROXY: hm ROXY: sounds to me like u just disproved ur own hotshot theory then genius JOHN: huh? ROXY: you wished i was one way the whole time we were married ROXY: but i wasnt

YES!!! Yes his theory’s disproven! He never WANTED Roxy to just act that way, he wasn’t the cause of this, I was hoping for that! :D

ROXY: i was bad at standin up for myself then and im learnin to be good at it now

That’s....... sad, if that’s the explanation. But it’s better than mind control I guess. :(

JOHN: but... JOHN: you were never like that before i... ROXY: dude ROXY: where tf do u get off trying to decide what is or isnt me being “like me” enuff ROXY: do u think ppl stay the same their whole damn lives or what

Oh wow. Now Andrew’s slamming SLAMMING of fanfics. He’s saying “who are you to know for SURE that they wouldn’t act that way”?? That’s pretty good.

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

:’)

Mhmm, and they’re free from the heroic design arcs or what have you. Or... were, until Dirk tore them back in again. Tossed aside their fucking victory with his selfish... ugh.

Mhmm, Roxy’s the perfect person to explain that not being in a canon, Light-filled timeline isn’t really a bad thing.

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

Roxy thinks about time and the spirals of choice that hang just outside her periphery, and the vertigo grows.

Good advice, and hm. Maybe there’s some Void sight kind of playing into this as well, making it easy for her to get paralyzed by indecision and she’s had to learn to work through it.

...Ooh, that was a really cool non-binary gender diatribe in the narrative text. That’s some nice stuff. I felt like that was missing from the Meat side, glad we got it here at least. :D

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward. JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

Thank goodness.

YES, JOHN SHOWING HIMSELF STRAIGHT-BACKED FOR HIS SON!!! :D

Man, I wish my dad had done that instead of all the other shit he did. At least he’s dead. :)

(Here’s a hint in case you’re wondering why I was relieved when my Dad offed himself.)

But that’s off topic. Let’s wrap up this epilogue already!!

==>

Page 39... only three or so pages left, right?

Pff, Karkat’s keeping them safe.

Heheh, more shitty Liberty statues.

Heheh, using them for weapons caches.

Gosh I hope they actually love each other and are mostly happy. Jade seems happy, at least. :(

Dammit, there go the doubts. He wouldn’t have had those doubts with Karkat. :C

He’s standing in the Oval Office of the White House.

Oh heck yes. Please tell me...

And over there... is something he doesn’t quite recognize. It doesn’t seem to fit in. He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

YES

Dave doesn’t waste any time. You don’t find something like this in the Oval Office and start agonizing over whether or not to use it. He steps on the platform, and in a blink his surroundings are completely different. The centuries of overgrowth are gone, and he appears to be in some sort of crypt, boxed in by walls of smooth, golden stone. At the far side of the room, something is hanging on the wall, encased in a sort of display. It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

HELL FUCKING YES

YES OBAMA

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider. OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

Dave’s jaw hangs open. The legends have been confirmed. As well as several key headcanons of his. Without thinking, he drops to one knee and bows his head.

DAVE: m... mr president DAVE: its an honor sir

Man, forget my past stomach clenching. Forget my hesitations, my turbulent emotions, all the ups and downs the various facets of these Epilogue chapters have given me. THIS is the best. THIS makes it all worth it. This is the best thing to have ever happened, and if I ever feel any regrets about ANYTHING that transpired in the Epilogues, I’ll feel infinitely better the moment I remember it gave us THIS.

The most beautiful scene I’ve ever witnessed. All my liberal, economy-ranting hopes and dreams confirmed. It’s glorious.

OBAMA: Come on now, Dave. We can’t be having that. OBAMA: I’m nobody’s king. I’m a democratically elected representative who took an oath to serve his country and his people. People like you, Dave. OBAMA: If anything, I should be the one bowing.

OBAMA. I MISSED YOU OBAMA. I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE THROUGH YOUR TEXT AND ITS SO COMFORTING AND UPLIFTING

DAVE: mr president what i mean is im a huge fan of yours and i hope this doesnt sound fucked up but on some level i feel like ive been waiting my whole life for this moment?? OBAMA: I know, Dave.

Yes, yes you have. Yes, we can.

OBAMA: Most people thought I was gone. But I was keeping an eye on events. OBAMA: Wouldn’t miss it for anything.

I, too, would like to have the feeling that Obama is still out there, keeping an eye on things. Watching, smiling... providing some last background of Hope as things seem so temporarily sour. That feeling would be amazing.

...I mean he’s still alive IRL, sure, but not Obama watermark smiling lovingly from the sky or anything like it should be.

Yes, back to reading. Back to this glorious, definitely canon moment. The moment we learned that Obama was with us the whole time. :’)

DAVE: sorry if this is nosy but if you didnt die when you disappeared then how did you die OBAMA: Most of that is classified, Dave.

Pfffffff :D

OBAMA: When I was a boy living in Hawaii, on my thirteenth birthday I was visited by a mysterious stranger. OBAMA: He was an older man with a mustache. Kind of a corny, old-fashioned, adventuring type. He tried to convince me we were related. Of course, I thought he was full of shit. OBAMA: To this day, I’m not sure about that. Maybe he was. I didn’t think much of his tall tale at the time, but what did pique my interest was his story. OBAMA: He was voyaging all over the Pacific looking for a mysterious island, which supposedly had all the answers he’d spent his whole life searching for. OBAMA: During his travels, he set up outposts all over the ocean to help with his search. Such as one near where I lived as a boy. The outpost had a laboratory, an archeological dig site, a network of underground tunnels, the works. OBAMA: One time, I snuck in there and did some exploration of my own. Somewhere in the maze of underground ruins, I found a transporter pad, just like the one that brought you here. OBAMA: It sent me to a new realm. A place they called the Medium.

Grandpa Jake of Earth A, thank you SO much for bringing us this gift. The gift of Obama.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we take a walk. You’ll have a chance to collect yourself. And there’s something I’d like you to see.

:O :O :O

I am shivering with anticipation.

Ah, leave it to Obama to help Dave with the final steps of his character arc.

OBAMA: Are you sure that’s all he is, Dave?

FIX THINGS OBAMA!!!! :D :D :D

Wait, what if Obama can turn things into an actually legitimate DaveKatJade? That would be a miracle only a god of Hope could pull off.

OBAMA: I’ve had my share of doubts about all that, just like any other man. OBAMA: And I’ve had plenty of the same kind of struggles as you, Dave. DAVE: wait DAVE: you...

Obama nods, smiles wistfully. Dave arches his eyebrows high above his shades. They stare at each other, and in the look they exchange, they seem to say all that needs to be said between two grown men on the matter.

:’)

OBAMA: Believing is the key to understanding the truth underlying the words, the truth underlying the ideas they represent, and the truth underlying who we are as individuals. OBAMA: The power of belief, the power of Hope, that’s what endows that which is intangible, ephemeral, or uncertain with a sense of reality. OBAMA: It brings focus to the insubstantial, the mirages of the mind, the multiplicity of what is possible, of what could be, and isolates it—concentrates it—to turn it into that which is. OBAMA: And the result of that, Dave, is what we call truth.

I didn’t think we’d be learning more about the Hope aspect straight from the mouth of Barack Obama.

OBAMA: He taught me about many things. Combat, philosophy, life, love... DAVE: love??? DAVE: hold on are you saying DAVE: that...

PFFFFFFFF :D :D :D

OBAMA: She’s settled happily into the specific. That’s her path now. OBAMA: All of you have embraced that life, in this safely sequestered version of planet Earth. OBAMA: All of you until now, Dave. OBAMA: This is why you’re here. OBAMA: I believe you’re ready to wake up. DAVE: ...

...this is suddenly possibly going to be getting slightly sad isn’t it. D:

--Oh shit, so THIS is where Davebot came from.

How is he going to break things off with Jade though??? D: D: D:

...Oh my GOSH he’s just going to suddenly vanish and abandon her isn’t he. D:

...alright, merging with his other selves, et cetera...

It defers to its greatest knight, risen anew.

Yeah that’s nice but am I supposed to pretend you’re going to say goodbye to Jade offscreen or

--ah that’s why the bot didn’t have shades, gotta use the genuine Stiller ones

==>

Page 40, and the start of this sounds a lot like the Postscript. But we’re getting more this time, thank god.

ARADIA: when i watched as everything broke apart ARADIA: and got swallowed up by the black hole ARADIA: which is where i ended up too ARADIA: that black hole... ARADIA: thats basically you right JADE: yes. ARADIA: and when you speak of your brother ARADIA: thats lord english JADE: yes. ARADIA: and hes dead JADE: not just yet.

Oh shit. John’s final blow didn’t kill Lord English did it. Alt!Callie is going to strike the very last killing blow herself isn’t she.

JADE: lesser beings have so much trouble perceiving divinity in the uncanny.

Divinity? Like, Lollipop-style divinity? I mean, I guess this IS the Candy branch...? But what made this so “perfect” to begin with?

JADE: this world, unlike the canonical horrors from which it is hermetically insulated, will always fail to meet the combined criteria for truth, relevance, and essentiality that would endow this realm with any real gravity. JADE: its own naturally occurring supply of gravity, rather than the artificial supply i have given it. JADE: as such, what transpires here is characterized by experiential frivolity. JADE: physically, it is cordoned off by the black hole’s event horizon. it is safe. untouchable. JADE: inescapable. ARADIA: that sounds ominous

Oh. So this outside-of-canon timeline-verse whatever that Candy takes place in is like a trap? For Lord English to be trapped in forever, inside not just his OWN story like we thought before but into a place where he’ll be forever irrelevant, while, like... the “Prince” and others following him for pursuit or camaraderie reasons manage to escape somewhere even different? --No wait those people are OUTSIDE this place, in the “real” timeline/universe of Earth C. So Dirk’s destination is somewhere completely different; oh, and alt!Callie is the only one with the power to escape the black hole, to bring Davebot and Aradia with her back to quote-unquote “canon” or the closest thing to it to bring bastard Dirkbro down.

Or... something.

JADE: one could describe it as a phantasmal projection confined within my horizon. JADE: it was created by a choice that made it possible for that horizon to expand infinitely, to consume infinitely. JADE: and since that choice could not coexist with canon events, this place manifested to here to support its consequences. JADE: if this world were capable of anything either essential, relevant, or true in some stable combination, then it would perpetuate a corrosive paradox. JADE: as such, insulation from what is out there, and the inescapable well it rests in, is what protects all it holds inside. JADE: and since i am the embodiment of the black hole in which it rests, JADE: i am the one protecting this world.

Oh huh. So when we saw alt!Callie creating the black hole out of the Sun, she was actually using John’s “choice” and his timeline split to engineer the paradox that drove that singularity’s expansion? And so she’s going to be the lord and safeguard of all that is Non-Canon, and also seek to guide the heroes trying to save what IS Canon?

Hm!

JADE: physical destruction is one thing. JADE: obliteration of the entire canvas for all of reality over a given cosmic span is another. JADE: and yet there are even more insidious forms of destruction and subversion of life to consider. JADE: methods that are difficult to grasp for those on your plane.

Yep, destroying Heart. Destroying Soul. Destroying the uniqueness that drives individual agency and choices, and suborning people completely to your will and ideals without their consent or choice.

Hmm....

JADE: but longer stories have the power to draw consciousness into them. they possess arresting and hypnotic qualities which can be used by their tellers to alter the awareness of the listener.

Yep, like a biased narrator with their claws on the > prompt for characters.

JADE: i brought to your attention that the story you were listening to had a speaker with a specific identity. JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.

Yep yep. And by commandeering the story to his own agenda, Dirk’s been robbing everyone of a fundamental right to their own existences.

JADE: this is the sort of corruption i now must dedicate my existence in this new body to ending once and for all.

Heck Yes; returning the narrative to as objective a speakerless-ness as can be attained or simulated, and divesting the bias from agenda’d narrators that can wrest all control from the participants in a story, enslaving them and making them the author’s puppets instead of true to themselves as characters, people, etc.

--Oh my GOSH, was Dead!Jade eating the remains of Lord English at the end of that Postscript??? She was, wasn’t she? :D :D :D

That’s pretty fucking awesome. And a pretty fucking fair fate for him to get cannibalized by his sister.

JADE: consume his body. JADE: absorb his essence. JADE: and then using this host, i will generate enough power to move beyond the staggering pull of the event horizon encasing this world. JADE: a prison of my own making, which can be escaped only through the supreme unification with my other half. JADE: it is crucial to the cosmos that i succeed. JADE: the prince of heart has to be stopped.

:D :D :D :D :D

Pretty awesome! A decent setup to a story that probably shouldn’t be told, the implied sequel that Meat invites up or whatever. And... oh phew.

Oh PHEW.

OH FUCKING PHEW. HOLD ON.

So. The very last line of the epilogue, the last bit:

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Okay! :D :D :D

So, when I read that last line, I was INCREDIBLY disheartened. I thought that Andrew was declaring that canon would never interfere with anything again, that this was the FINAL WORD on Homestuck and everything to do with it as far as canon was concerned, and that Dirk’s crimes and such would forever go unresolved and left to the imagination.

But that’s not what the line meant.

What’s INSIDE the singularity, and thus “under” the imaginary line, is everything non-canon, all the possibility and fanfiction and dead ghosts and such who are trapped in this safeguarded realm alt!Callie created to protect them, away from the influence of any future plot danger beyond the mundane issues they create for themselves.

And what’s OUTSIDE the singularity, above the line, is canon. A canon which actually continues, and which this line doesn’t necessarily cut short.

I don’t know if Andrew will ever continue this nonsense, maybe to show me a Rose who’s actually happy as a robot or something? But... er, that’s not the point. The point is that even though the story “isn’t over”, it’s left so it CAN continue, so that the final state of these ISN’T a permanent cliffhanger to be left forever unfulfilled intentionally. I’ll still be traumatized by the state some of these characters are left in, until Andrew maybe possibly chooses to resolve some of this nonsense with later content, which he probably won’t. Heck, this actually might be easier for him to create a new work with, given how much baggage has been left behind on old Earth and in the singularity, so all you have is a much relatively smaller cast of characters on a chase to wherever Dirk is planning to go? But, like. When I read that Postscript, I stopped believing anyone I saw suggesting we’d get anything after this. Any sort of work of... you know... continuing, er, Homestuckiness from Andrew, no matter what it was. But even just... leaving it open even if he isn’t going to DO anything about it, and having that final line NOT be an aggressive cutoff? Is just nice. Nicer, anyway.

And this singularity is kept safe for us to enjoy ALL of the old stuff, the multitude of possibility that the in-singularity version of Roxy glimpses out of the side of her eye. That--

Oh my Gosh. THAT’S also what the final line means.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Homestuck fanfiction is now COMPLETELY FREE FROM CANON.

Within this singularity, nothing has to stay true to absolutely every underpinning of the earlier comic. Nothing has to make sense. Nothing has to be narratively consistent with anything else, though it’s obviously more enjoyable if it is. Truth, essentiality, and relevance may all be FLEXED as much as any individual fanfic writer needs to! And... and earlier, before this epilogue. When we would get Snapchat stuff of the story on Earth C. And even before that when all we had was the ending flash. There was still a FEAR on many parts that there was more to canon that Andrew wasn’t telling us, that whatever was in our imaginations about what may have happened was “wrong”, that any fanfic you wrote was liable to be disproven formally. But that’s not the case anymore. Because with that line, with alt!Callie sealing off this realm and taking just a last few soon-to-be canon-impactors out of one of its timelines, Andrew has left ALL of the earlier trappings of Homestuck, of Earth, of all these characters and ghosts and fragmented possibilities, permanently free from canon influence from the rest of time. Meaning no Homestuck fanfic that takes place in this singularity-granted realm may EVER be busted by Andrew’s future work. He’s done what he first aspired to do when he declared all fantrolls in existence canon. He’s finally “killed the author”. He’s made the very FACT of an author an enemy, to be pursued in its own canon story outside of all this. He’s set EVERYTHING free.

Wow. So that’s what all the point of all this was, huh? :D

Let me read the last few pages of Candy anyway. Where was I again?

Oh, about to click the last page. ==>

Oh my GOD. This Postscript is about the end of MEAT, where the Meat Postscript showed us the end of CANDY!!! :D

Let’s hear where this shit is all going! I’ve been wondering what realm Dirk is actually heading towards to try and start fucking up. Reading...

...Oh, okay. I thought I glimpsed someone mentioning something about Rose “doing Dirk’s laundry”, and I thought I just missed some narrative comment on laundry made when Dirk took Rose out of the apartment on that final trip out to Jake’s for a spaceship? But I guess this was the scene they were talking about. Fuck you, Dirk.

One of her more reckless shipmates chipped a tooth trying one, despite repeated warnings to stay away from the stuff.

So Terezi IS there? And probably received that final message from Vriska to think about.

It’s a stray ruby slipper. The other is about ten feet away, down the hall. No sign of their owner anywhere.

Yep, that’s definitely Terezi.

...Oh cool, Rose’s body isn’t quite dead? She could be returned to it or a souped-up version of it if she’s ever brought to her senses outside Dirk’s corrosive influence.

A new planet is within sensor range. She studies the millions of statistics all pouring in at once.

They’re heading for a planet? Somewhere else in Universe C?

It’s an M-Class planet. The right size, right age, right distance from the sun. There’s no advanced life yet. It’s exactly what they’ve been looking for all these years.

Shit, a NEW planet? For all this shit to go down on? Maybe I don’t need to see what happens next, that sounds potentially a little boring. The future adventure this story entails COULD just be implied and never followed up on.

Once the new race has established

What race??? Human, hybrid?? It’s not TROLL, y’all would have brought Aradia if that was the case, right? Or is this why there are tons of trolls in Universe C that Caliborn and Calliope’s parent trolls got to incinerate ages later, seeded across planets by these assholes?

The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?

Ahhh. Okay. So this may INDEED be something interesting, something worth seeing. A new session, one where Dirk is the villain, Rosebot is enthralled, and old heroes are on their way to help see him thwarted. Along with the mystery participants of a session we’ve yet to see.

Enough time goes by that she begins to wonder if he’s asleep. But no. It’s just the irritated silence of a man who knows he isn’t currently dressed well enough to attend to something important.

DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?

Yeah, fuck you and your anime pantaloons straight in the Yaois, Dirk Smartass.

Okay!

So that’s the end of the epilogue. BOTH epilogues. And... I like it.

I don’t know why. I mean it was all excellent before, and my stomach’s still a BIT clenchy, but I like it now. I misinterpreted things from the Meat ending, and now everything... everything makes a little more sense. Some things seem resolved, others earned...

And... in a way I feel like I could actually oddly accept, even if there’s never anything that touches on this ever again...

It doesn’t seem “over”. :)

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots #Barack Obama

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irageneveart · 5 years

Note

hello! i was wondering what program&brush settings you use for your artwork? im new to digital art and i really like the way you colour! Especially those light effects they're so extra cool!

omg Anony you’re such a wonderful being, thank you for liking my art enough to ask me that!

now watch me failing trying to explain things to you lmao. I’m self taught and I’m in no way the best at this, so what I’m going to tell you might still be flawed but this is how I do things o/

hmm it’s gonna be long so I’ll put it under a cut!

1) I’m using Paint Tool Sai for everything in my art but if I still feel the need to, I’ll use Photoshop to correct colors and lighting. for example in this progress gif:

you can see where I decided “no, I don’t like this cold blue feeling” so I went to Photoshop (because it allows changes much easier than Sai when it comes to colors) and I changed it to a warmer purple! you can always play in Photoshop and try to see different versions of your art, different colors will give off different feelings

most of my artworks don’t look the way they do at the end because while drawing I tend to be focused on other things (line, where to place shades, lighting, etc) while when the picture is done I can focus on the feeling I initially wanted it to have!

2) My usual brushes are really basic. also ignore my ugly writing.

Sketch: I use this to sketch because it has a nice and easy flow, I can get messy lines that look good (the latest Brahms Heelshire drawing I did is entirely drawn with this one!)

you can always switch between your brushes depending on what feeling you want your art to have

Lineart: this one has nice, smooth and bold lines. I like to play around with it’s size. I believe it’s the basic one Sai has

little advice: if you’re not happy with your lineart try to alternate heavy lines with tiny ones. for example:

you can see how bold her hair is, but adding thinner lines to the glasses, the folds of her clothes, hair etc. it will create a better dynamic of your picture and will leave the eye of the viewer to run around it! I’m honestly awful at explaining stuff fdkjsnjkfds ofc this is a personal preference but my linework improved since I started to think like this

Base color: this is the color tool sai gives you, I changed my names so I can’t remember its default name. I like it to be bold because when I was little I used to color entire coloring books, so even now digitally I like to color every bit like I’m using crayons haha. time consuming and useless but shhh. basically I put down every base color with this one

Acrylic: now this one is tricky, when I got it the first time I wanted to use it to shade, but using it I discovered it’s much better for blending. after I put down the main colors and shades I just use this one to blend them together and I sometimes paint with it too

Blending: it’s literally the blur brush Sai provides you xDD

now keep in mind that using its settings (the things near the “Normal” option!) you can get different types of blur! always play around to see what looks good in your art. also remember that not every shadow has to be blurred or blended out, there are many ways shadows can look, using both blurred and heavy (cast) shadows in your art will definitely improve it. using real life references might help

Airbrush: the very brush Sai gives you. I’m using this one mainly for lighting. what I do is basically put down a hard light, like literally take a light color and place it where I see fit on the character, then I give it a bit of glow with the airbrush. one thing I noticed is that depending on the surface, the glow will change!

in this one you can clearly see the light on his cheekbone, but then there is a much weaker light on his face, that’s made with the airbrush and then blended into the structure of the face.the glow on the cheekbone and the ear is made with airbrush, using orange and playing around with the layer modes (overlay and luminosity, these are your best friends when it comes to lighting!)

lastly I want to present another best friend for us artists, the eraser

you can make highlights with the eraser too! you can cut the light in different shapes to give different feels and many other things, the eraser is definitely your best friend and not only in erasing mistakes. try to play around with it sometimes

Other things I learned:

try to use a different color for shading, using the exact color but darker will only make your art look dull, lifeless. the same goes for lighting! there are lots of tutorials on color theories and practices out there to help you with it

don’t be afraid to get wild, use oranges, reds, blues, purples in your skin and play around with the layer modes, you’ll see how much more alive it will feel. also don’t be afraid to try different styles, constancy is not the friend of a creative mind. experiment, try things, go out of your comfort zone. make it fun, make it personal. if you like drawing dogs then keep drawing dogs and enjoy it! don’t let labels and others to influence you and your spirit

ik this is obvious but never compare yourself with others. your journey is yours, you have a different hand, a different brain and a different being. this also goes to drawing things others did already! who cares there’s 0284e4895 other pictures with Kitbull already? draw yours, it will be unique and special because it has something from YOU in it, and no one can replicate that not even with tracing

watch people online! of course when you sit down to draw it will be completely different, but involuntarily you’ll learn and exercising you’ll find your own way of doing things. there might be much better ways for drawing lighting than I do, but this is how I feel good and I like to do it!

I know you hear this everywhere but really, practice, daily if you can! in October 2017 I tried to to the inktober challenge for the first time, I haven’t finished it and I was late anyway but I can tell you that trying to draw daily definitely improved my art. now I’m able to draw a picture per day with not much effort (yesterday I was able to draw three pictures with pretty good quality! o/ always start small and be proud of every step!!)

lastly, don’t be hard on yourself. every picture is a lesson, doesn’t matter how it came out. maybe the anatomy is wonky af, but you learned and your brain will remember what not to do next time. try and try and try and never say “my art sucks”, say “this pic doesn’t look how I wanted, but I still like it. I’ll do better next time!”. the moment you start to like your art you’ll see how much it will start to shine hehe

I might come out with more stuff but this is already really really long xD just be yourself, love your art and enjoy it!! lots of luck for you Anony, I hope I didn’t bore you and this will be helpful for you and others! :D

#ira geneve #art advice #tutorial #sai brushes #art tips #anon ask #ira rambles #wah this was long sorry #but it warms my heart to know some people look up to me for things #and I'll do all I can to help anyone

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spnskinnyballs · 6 years

Text

Mr Stranger

Summary - It was purely by coincidence that you were paired up with this particular mystery man in a random chat roulette site on a Thursday evening. (Not one of your finer moments) Charming his way into your little life as Mr Stranger how long can you two really keep the anonymity between you?

Pairing - Jensen x Reader

Word Count - 2,569

Warnings - Swearing, dirty talk, masturbation

Part Three

Series Masterlist/ My Masterlist

The hours had passed and you had survived. With aching feet you handed over your patients only 20 minutes after you were supposed to have already left and made your way to the staff room. Lucy was sat in a swivel chair twirling around as she waited for you to finish, god she was a good friend.

Saying your goodbyes you beckoned Lucy towards you and you both grumbled all the way to the lockers. Today was a good day but it was long and heavy and tiring and you craved the comfort of your bed. Lucy looked as though she agreed with you without either of you saying a single word.

You both pulled on your jackets in silence having a whole conversation with glances and grunts until she huffed out a sigh and pulled the door open, standing in front of it for you as though she was too weak to hold it open with one hand.

“I’m so fucking tired.” She whispered with an edge to her voice as you two made your way back through the ward to leave the hospital, making an agreement with a grunt she shook out her shoulders and continued. “I swear to god as soon as i get home i’m pouring myself a pint of wine and not leaving my bed all weekend.”

Laughing at her it was all you needed to pull you out of your silent stupor. “I’m so with you there, my feet hurt so bad.” You cried out to her. “I’m going to go home and cuddle up with a disney movie until i fall asleep.”

“Oh please, you’re going to go home and talk straight to lover boy.” Accentuating the last few words and making kissy faces at you she completely ignored the roll of your eyes. “Seriously though, how cute is he?”

Scoffing at her you shook your head before replying. “I told you we didn’t show eachother our faces.”

“Yeah but you saw other stuff didn’t you?” She remarked knocking her arm into yours.

“What? Yeah, he’s got a nice body, i think he’s cute.” You shook off opening your hand bag and unzipping the small compartment where your car keys lived, not realising the silence until you had retrieved them and zipped your bag back up to see Lucy looking at you with a confused expression. “What?!”

Holding out a hand in front of her and blinking her eyes she responded “Hold up. You two just talked? Like talked? PG?”

“Yeah. What, I didn’t give the first guy i talked to since Jeremy a free porn show.” Answering defensively you edged off heading towards the drivers side of your car.

“Babe, don’t get pissy with me. Sorry, i just thought that you two had fooled around or something.”

Closing your eyes and listening to her you stopped and leaned forward on the top of your car. “Baby i’m sorry, long day.” Looking at her she huffed and nodded in agreement before you continued in a quieter tone, more raw and honest. “He’s practically the first guy i’ve talked to since Jeremy and honestly it scared the shit out of me just to talk to him let alone mess around with him. But thank you though, if i just went out and talked to some random guy i really don’t think that it would have gone so well. Appreciate it.”

Your tone had turned sweet and sickly by the end and she scrunched her nose at you once again, crinkles framing her eyes. “Oh hun, you know i’ve always got your back. I love you but i need to go home. Go back, send him a dick pic, drive safe sweet, love ya!” Shouting over her shoulder at you, she had turned mid sentence and walked towards her battered old car leaving your smiling tiredly and climbing in your car ready to finally be going home.

An hour later you were settling into your bed fed and watered. Rolling yourself up into the sheets, your head hit the pillow and your feet thanked you for the comfort, but something was missing. Something was yearning inside, a hunger that hadn’t made itself known for weeks. Rolling to your side and lifting your leg over the duvet you deliberated your options, after a moment you reached over and took a mouthful of the wine you took with you to bed. The warmth settled through your throat before settling in your stomach growing courage and an extra layer of burning in you.

With a deep breath and a giggle to yourself you repositioned yourself in the sheets until they were almost off you. Repositioning your boobs in your bra and twisting the sides of your lacy underwear so that they hung a little higher and a little tighter on one side you lifted your phone above your body and took a photo, more like several photos.

Once you were satisfied you draped yourself in the warmth once more and rolled onto your stomach scrolling between the pictures until you settled on one. Your pink flowery bra was the first thing that stole your attention, your breasts accentuated with the extra padding and while your eyes followed down they were caught with the glimmer of your belly bar and the navy blue lacy underwear that was hanging slightly too low on one side where your knee had lifted up the mattress.

Despite the many critiques you gave yourself, you looked hot. With your face nowhere to be seen and no distinctive features on show you dragged it into a message before you could talk yourself out of it. Clicking send you shook your head at yourself and reached for the wine. Fuck, you needed wine.

With a hundred thoughts running through your head, granted more sexy than not, your mind went to mr stranger. Was he even home? He only told you earlier that day that he worked 12 to 14 hour days so would he even respond, or rather would he even respond in time.

Your musings were cut short by the buzzing of your phone settled on the pillow next to you. Biting your tongue to quell the giggles inside you rolled over and swiped up your homescreen before you could even think, breathing deeply as you read the reply.

‘Fucking hell babygirl i’m not even home yet. You horny sweetheart?’

‘Haha sorry for the bad timing i couldn’t help myself. Maybe just a little, why you gonna do something about it?’

Hitting send before even allowing yourself to reread your response you reached over and drank another mouthful of wine, you were horny and enjoying yourself, there was no way in hell you were letting nerves come into this.

The response that followed was almost immediate. ‘Fuck yes, what would you want me to do about it?’

Oh so many things you thought to yourself but actually voicing them to him? Dirty talk was not your strong suit. Sure it turned you on hearing it but it’s not something that you’ve ever really done for others before but you were doing so many new things these last few days what would be one more to add to the list.

With a determined grin you typed out your next message. ‘Everything. I want you to play with me until i’m screaming your name. Does that sound okay to you?’

Feeling emboldened with your sudden confidence you bit your lip and waited for the mental image heading your way.

‘Fuck yes. I’d kiss you, lick your lower lip. Kiss your cheeks and jaw and lick a line down your neck, kissing you lower and lower. How does that sound sweetheart?’

A shiver went up your spine as you read those words. ‘That sounds so good, i’d kiss you right back, nibble your lip and kiss it better, tugging at your waistband. How low were you planning on going?’

‘I’d move my hands down your waist and kiss your chest all over, pay attention to your nipples until you’re moaning and pulling my hair.’

‘God yes. I love having my boobs played with. What would you do next?’

‘Well in that case i’d play with them until you couldn’t take it anymore, until you were begging me for more. Then i’d finally slide down and kiss at you through your underwear then slowly pull them down to see how wet you are. I love going down on a girl, hope that’s not a problem?’

As you read the words you swear you could physically feel the sensations, imagining this hot guy doing all these things to you.

Fuck this was a good idea.

Leaning over to your nightstand you quickly pulled open your draw and found your vibrator before writing out your response. As you began to text you had a change of plans and a fuck it attitude wash over you. Leaning forward you unhooked your bra throwing it away and placing the vibrator on your thigh opening up the camera. This time you only took one photo, you didn’t have time to mess around with looking good, the need inside you growing more and more impatient.

The photo was angled from your face down onto your body so your eyes drew from your naked breasts down to the twists of your underwear and finally landing on the vibrator. You sent it immediately so that he would have a moment to focus solely on that before your message followed.

‘There is no way in hell i’m complaining about that. I’m so fucking wet just thinking about you going down on me. Kissing my thighs and licking at my clit, running your tongue over me so you can see for yourself just how wet i am for you teasing me like that.’

Waiting for him you finally pulled off your underwear and picked up the vibrator, still turned off, rubbing it up and down sliding your slick around, jumping slightly as the cold metal came in direct contact with your clit.

‘You look so good beautiful. I’m in the car with a hard on thinking about doing that to you and thinking about what you’re doing to yourself. You playing with yourself baby? Gonna make yourself cum talking to me?’

The knowledge that he was turned on by this conversation just as much as you were only turned you on more. He was hard because of you, because of the photos that you sent him.

‘You turned on thinking about me? I’m lying in my bed running my vibrator over myself right now thinking about this. Please don’t stop, keep telling me what you would do to me.’

‘Sweetheart i’ve had a hard on since you sent me that first pic and this convo isn’t helping. I can’t wait until i get home and i can join you, i’m almost there think you can hold on for me?’

Whining at his response you dropped your vibrator and moved your free hand up to play with your boobs instead.

‘That makes me feel so fucking good you have no idea. I’ve stopped and i’m playing with my nipples now instead. You’re going down on me, sucking on my clit and squeezing my boob while i wrap my legs around your shoulders. What are you going to do next?’

‘Yes i am. My fingers are twisting your nipple just slightly and my other hands grabbing your ass. I’m circling your clit with my tongue and then i’ll finger you at the same time so i can really tell how wet you are.’

Dropping your phone on your chest moaning you squeezed your thighs together for any kind of friction. Just as you were picturing him sliding a finger alongside his tongue your phone buzzed again with a picture message. Sliding it open it was of him, jeans unzipped and pulled down, black boxers on show with an outline of a large, solid dick straining at the fabric, jaw dropping at the image as you studied it intently a message took center frame of your screen.

‘I’m home and i’m going to jerk off now thinking about you.’

Moaning at the message you started typing back only a second later, with your free hand you reached for your toy and began circling yourself once more.

‘I’m rubbing my vibrator over myself right now. I want you to imagine me sucking your dick. Licking at your head slowly circling it before i go down on you, fitting as much of you into my mouth as i can wrapping my hand around the rest that won’t fit because you’re too big.’

After hitting send you finally turned your vibrator on arching your back immediately at the sensations. Moving it around and flicking through the settings until you placed it just next to your clit in that perfect spot before turning it onto a strong constant vibration. Your head flooded with images and you settled on this perfect stranger sat in his own bed fisting his cock to the image of you going down on him, him moaning because of you. This turned on he got a boner in a car because of you. Coming because of you.

Fuck you were so close. With that last image of him coming undone purely from what you were saying to him your back arched and your body tensed, a silent scream rolling off your tongue as an orgasm exploded from you knocking you senseless. You stayed there motionless with the vibrations flooding through you, working yourself through such an intense orgasm until you became too sensitive.

Throwing your vibrator away from you you untangled yourself from under the sheets rising for air. Falling down into your pillow you threw the covers around until they were the right way around once again and you picked up your phone ready to message your perfect Mr Stranger as it buzzed in your hand with another image.

Smiling sleepily to yourself you opened it up and physically whined at the image you were confronted with. It was similar to your earlier picture with his jeans unzipped and pulled down but this time the head of his cock was peeking out through the top of his tight boxers, trapped in the waistband and further up his now naked torso was a chain of cum dancing on his stomach.

Fuck, that was hot.

He followed it up with a text message mirroring your exact thoughts. ‘Fuck that was hot. I didn’t even make it off the couch. How was that for you?’

‘That was amazing, I haven’t had an orgasm like that in forever. Thank you, i’m so sleepy now though haha I don’t know about you but i wouldn’t mind doing something like that again?’

Your eyes were already starting to falter as he responded to you, your body exhausted from the activity.

‘I’m glad i could help but this whole thing was all on you so i should really be the one to thank you. Me too, go to sleep babygirl i’ll text you in the morning. Thank you for tonight, you’re beautiful Mrs Stranger <3’

There was no way of getting rid of the grin that spread across your face at his words, his kind sweet loving words. Falling asleep with a smile on your face, your night was filled with sweet dreams of a faceless stranger.

@shellydemon @anotherwaywardsister @ravenangel33 @dean-winchesters-bacon @bookoffracturedescapes @pisces-cutie @sp8b8 @tumbler-tidbits @torn-and-frayed @kaz11283 @mannls @supernatural-bellawinchester

@mermaidwannabe-clc @novaddictx

@girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @pensysto @jenbarb10 @topthis808 @mirandaaustin93 @keepcalmandbeajunkie @lullabylike @jamielea81 @adorkabletiff91 @perpetualabsurdity @onceuponathreetwoone @castielsssdean @diariesofthebeautyobsessed @missbosstown @queenslandlover-93 @deangirl7695 @musiclovinchic93

#jensen x reader #jensen x you #jensen x y/n #jensen ackles x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural reader insert #jensen imagine #jensen ackles imagine #mr stranger #g writes

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moonweav3r · 5 years

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9 11 30 41 42 55 56 59 62 63 65 67 69 70 84.

Hey there! So, I kind of ignored this ask for a bit bc I’ve been in a weird headspace lately and it was actually hard to answer some of these without rambling/oversharing but here it goes:

9. Describe your perfect mate: Someone open-minded, honest, curious and respectful who shares at least a good amount of my values/principles. Someone creative in some type of way, who would enjoy my love for music/films/shows/art in general idk and we could like, inspire each other to some extent? They’d have a great/kinda dark sense of humor which I love, probably very sassy but still pretty down-to-earth and chill and intimate with me. They’d enjoy long conversations about anything and everything and just being silly, messing with each other. They’d probably be very much into sex but also, very affectionate and cute and caring with me. Also, pets are a big bonus.

11. Do you ever want to get married?: Tricky question bc a part of me doesn’t believe in marriage that much, but a better part of me is really fond of the idea? Like, I’m sure I wouldn’t marry anyone that easy but, with the right person and if both of us are on the same page in most things it’d be really nice. Most of all bc of the intimate connection/compromise with each other, like the meaning behind all of it. I care little about the state/church part of it tho.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?: Not seriously at least. I’ve had days when I’ve wanted bigger boobs or curvier/more feminine hips but I don’t think I’d put myself through surgery for that lol

41. Have you had sex so far this year?: yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?: Depends on the person I’m with and if I’m in the mood to tease (which usually I am) 🤔

55. Share a relationship story: I met my first bf at summer camp, when I was like 12 and he was a couple years older. I remember he had really soft and pretty curly hair. My first kiss was in some bench he told me was “secluded” bc I was kinda shy about it, but either way our friends at camp saw everything. After that, we used to sneak downstairs at my apartment building to make out, with the help of my best friend/neighbour atm so my fam wouldn’t notice. He really wasn’t the best kisser tho, it felt a little like when a dog kisses you? He’d just manage to drool all over my face🤦🏼‍♀️ it was a bit gross but idk I was still excited about making out in general I think haha

56. State 8 facts about your body:

my eyes usually look pretty dark, but in direct sunlight you can see some lighter shades of hazel/green

I tend to get hot very easily but my nose and feet are usually colder

I have really sensitive skin since I was a baby, which is often really annoying

my shoe size is 6

I’ve never dyed or straightened my hair

I haven’t got any tattoos yet, but I really want them

I’m always wearing perfume or fragance mists

I actually really like my ass, my boobs and my thighs even tho they’re not perfect at all and the first 2 could be bigger lol

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!): I don’t take many selfies so, here’s my new profile pic c:

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?: Idk, I’m the kind of person that likes see eroticism in the little details so, probabaly letting me tease and pleasure them (with their consent of course!) and not only see the look in their eyes and hear all the sounds they make when they open themselves completely, but like finding a way to almost overwhelm their senses with touches and kisses y’know? there’s nothing like feeling that trust and desire literally project out of the body of the person you want to feel good.

And viceversa, there’s nothing sexier than feeling all that desire everywhere around me and most of all reflected on the person I’m with. Like watching them kiss me everywhere, touch me and grab me everywhere. Doesn’t matter if it’s fast or slow nor specific actions, when it’s like that both people can feel it and it’s amazing.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?: I guess it depends again on the people involved, their dynamics and what they feel comfortable with. For some, it’s people naked/half naked touching, kissing and/or penetrating each other’s genitals? But like for others, oral and handjobs aren’t sex but standalone actions or maybe just foreplay. So, my definite answer is communication before/after whatever you do bc when you know, you know 😂

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?: I don’t think I’ve had a routine for it? Just take your time, learn the buttons and corners that make you and your partner crazy and try a mix of purposely avoiding them for anticipation + getting to each one for satisfaction. Also, don’t be scared of making it playful or making each other laugh.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?: literally anything that involves good music, food, some drinks and a location or activity we both enjoy. It can be going to a gig or to the theatre and have drinks outside, or staying in making dinner together and watch movies with some drinks in just comfy clothes or underwear

69. What turns you off?: bad hygiene and smells ugh also mustaches

70. What turns you on?: turning someone else on, confidence, good smells, neck kisses and biting lips, when breath hits skin and teasing when we can’t touch each other... those are some, I guess

84. Why did your last relationship fail?: Honestly, I’m still really confused about the whole thing. Right now, I’m just sure they haven’t loved me for a good while, not sure for how long or if it was real love or even attraction from their part. I won’t say they didn’t try to feel that or to make things work, bc they did to some extent. But tbh it’s just really broken my heart in a way I couldn’t imagine. They really didn’t give two fucks in the end and dismissed everything that was invested like it was all meh making me doubt it was even real. I’m not perfect and I’m sure they must make up excuses on decisions I’ve made or stupid traits. Most friends we had in common don’t even text me back for some reason and even physically they look like a totally different person, idk why. In the end, it was just fucked up in many ways and tbh feels like they suddenly killed off the person I loved. I guess it’s easier that way.

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veruesse · 2 years

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Hi I hope it’s not weird to ask but do you have any tips on how to start wearing the hijab? I really want to take this step but at the same time I’m struggling really hard with my self image and covering my hair only adds to my insecurities, I hope I’m not burdening u with my worries, pls ignore if I do xx thank you

Assalamou aleikoum, it’s not weird or a burden at all! We could help and encourage each other, so I’m glad you’re asking me! ❤️

First of all I’m soooo happy to hear that you want to take the step! Sooo let me tell you a bit about my ‘hijab story’ or however I should call it haha…

I started wearing hijab when I was 16, almost 17. It was right after Cherlie Hebdo happened in Paris… I started to really do research on Islam then decided I wanted my Islamic identity to be visible. Also: this world is honestly shit and I felt like I would feel more protected and closer to God when wearing the hijab. With protection I mean a lot of different things, like it would be easier for me to not be in certain spaces a muslim shouldn’t be in, there would be less to be sexualised by men (which I still find *** cause men should never sexualise anyway, but now at least I would feel more protected by this) and also protection from God.

First of all I think change can always be a bit scary, but that is completely normal. And honestly, you will eventually get over it. It really is that simple. Like I said before, I personally really really see/saw the hijab as protection. And also, I would somehow once in my life go through a time of a bit of insecurity because of that change. The sooner I got through that time, the sooner I would be comfortable and finally just be a hijabi… if you know what I mean? And the idea of dying as a non-hijabi made me scared… so I thought the sooner I do this, the better.

So for me, I think it was mainly the difference of clothing that I found hard. I used to wear short dresses, crop tops with high waisted jeans (but you could still see a bit of my belly), short tight skirts, etc.

Maybe some practical tips: find hijabis whose hijab-style and clothing you really like. Try out similar things. For me personally, I did not want to start with a ‘turban’ or anything. I literally only wear a basic black hijab but tried out nice outfits. For the first two years I struggled a LOT with my hijab. After two years, I honestly wanted to take it off. Then I realized it was not the hijab itself that made me ‘unhappy’ about the whole situation. But when I started to wear the hijab I changed my WHOLE style. So I did not ‘cover myself more’ but I went to a completely different style, which was not me at all. I wear a lot of black, bomber jacks, big clothes, etc. Nowadays you see it more and more with hijabis, but then the hijabis I knew would wear a lot of beige, and cute clothing. So instead of - after two years - taking my hijab off, I just changed my clothing style and finally went back to my 'old' style, but then halal lol. And damn Alhamdoulillah I don’t think I would even be able to go out without my hijab. Alhamdoulillah.

Recently I met a - now friend - from Palestine. She is a hijabi and moved from Palestine to the Netherlands. Here, she struggled a LOT with her self esteem as a hijabi, saying she somehow felt really bad here and asked me to help with her clothing. I literally told her to send me pics of hijabis on Instagram, hijabis whose style she liked and we went shopping for similar clothes. Not the exact same, obvs. Over time, you develop your own style. It helped her a lot and the confidence also showed! I also think that your self esteem will literally have to do with the way you take care of yourself and - very cliche - how you love yourself. So both as a hijabi or not, make sure you do that as well.

And never forget: Allah swt is with you! The harder it is for you, the more hassanaats in sha Allah, but also I simply strongly believe that you will get used to it and you will be very happy with the decision in sha Allah!

Honestly it made me very excited as well. It's a beautiful thing and maybe weirdly, somehow made me feel closer to other muslims as well. A bit weird and hard to explain... and it will definitely make you feel closer to Allah swt! All this up here might make it look like a big thing, but it's really not! In sha Allah you will get used to it and before you know it you can't go without it anymore! The two years I mentioned is a long time. It took me long before I realized why I felt like that. If possible, talk to other hijabis. If there are certain insecurities, talk to them about it. That way we can help each other.

You can literally always dm me, or send me anons. I can also give you my IG account if you want to talk about it there…whatever is best for you. I hope that Allah swt makes this journey easier for you and soon you will be a happy and confident hijabi! Allah bless you. ❤️❤️❤️

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lady-une · 6 years

Text

Chapter 12

Here it is chapter 12...just about done with the story now. Please like and share if you could.

Sarah

The ride to the studio on the bus was getting easier to deal with as the weeks dragged on. I still hated myself every minute of the day for putting us all through this. Gray was so right when he told me this wasn’t something to get confused on. I not only hated myself for basically stringing Gray along but for almost destroying his friendship with Jay. I was that girl you always hear about who inserted herself into a strong group of friends only to come between two of them. To pit friend against friend only because I was a selfish person. Every night when I got home I would look at social media and see the pics of everyone and you could tell there was some strain between Gray and Jay. Gray didn’t deserve this at all, that man deserved the world! He was the sweetest and most loving man I had ever met. Neither of the guys ever tried to contact me once I had moved, that stayed true to the agreement we made and I was thankful. I wish my mind was clear now but it still wasn’t, Hua even told me to just come back home after the contract was up and I was starting to wonder if that was the best option. I loved what my career had become but not who I had become.

I walked briskly from the bust stop to the studio wanting to get inside and get a cup of coffee before the day started. When I walked into the break room Simon and Gray were there talking. Simon smiled up at me while Gray kept looking at the ground before excusing himself and walking right past me without even giving me a glance. The pain I felt at his cold shoulder was justified, I was the reason things were like this. I walked over to Simon to make a cup for myself trying not to let the pain show.

“Still not talking to you?”

Clearly, I suck at concealing my feelings, “He hasn’t said a word to me since the night he left the apartment.”

“He will come around.”

“It’s been a couple of months Simon, I don’t think he will and I can’t really blame him.”

“Don’t stress it.”

Simon gave me a sad smile before he walked away as well. Gray won’t look at me, won’t speak to me, and he leaves the room when he has a chance. I disgust him, my presence sours the mood and it only makes Hua’s suggestion more appealing. No one ever brings up the distance that came between me and Gray but I know they noticed it. The glances my way followed by hush conversations when they don’t think I am looking. The quick finger pointing across a crowded room followed by laughter, that’s what I have been reduced too. I doubt anyone outside of the four of us know the reason for the coldness between us but I still had my fears. It honestly felt like I was back in high school but worse, the anxiety I haven’t had in years slowly was resurfacing. The fear of being the social outcast and having nasty rude comments written about you on the bathroom stall had now evolved to comments being written on social media. While the comments back in the day could be painted over, today once a comment was out there it couldn’t be taken back. It just takes one comment and then it spreads in seconds, tweets are shared from one person to another. Blogs pick up on it and screen shots are taken, the receipts as people call it now. Those are shared through conversations and posted online, the spilling of the tea if you will. Everyone loves to hear the drama that is hot at the moment, I didn’t want to be that drama and it was my biggest fear.

As I walked with my hot glass of coffee I spotted Jay walking with Simon up to the office and I just moved out of sight and watched him. Jay wasn’t like Gray, he actually spoke to me when needed. The conversations were short only quick answers from him but if he didn’t need to he wouldn’t talk to me. Had he not been the boss I doubt he would have talked to me, it would have come off as unprofessional if he completely ignored me. He never averted his eyes from me but some days I wish he would. I could see the pain in his and I knew it was pain because it was the same thing I saw in my own every time I looked in a mirror. The two of us were the main cause of the pain, while I was the primary reason of the pain we both played equal parts in this. If we didn’t play into our feelings for each other and kept it professional this would never had happened. The only good thing that came from this was the fact that he had finally kicked Baem to the curb. She was finally out of his life and never came around the studio. If it wasn’t for the problem between the three of us then things would have been back to how they were when I first started this.

I wish I could go back in time and change this.

I thought as I held back the tears that were wanting to surface yet again. I had spent more than enough nights crying over this. I rarely went out with the group unless it was needed. If I wasn’t at the studio then I was at home or doing something else that was needed for work. I just didn’t have it in me to fake my happiness around people. I just like Gray through myself into my work and that was good enough for me.

I was just finishing up some lyrics for a new song and getting ready to go grab something to eat when Simon walked in.

“Hey Sarah do you have a second?”

“Sure Simon.”

I sat back down and he sat down next to me.

“So with your MV out now and the release of your album coming up I thought it would be a great time to get you some screen time.”

“Screen time?”

“Yes, not acting or anything. I was thinking more along the lines of a variety show. I think you will be pretty happy because it’s going to be ‘RUNNING MAN’.”

I sat there looking at him with my mouth hanging open, that was my favorite show and a guilty pleasure of mine. Whenever I would get stuck I would take some time away from my work and watch either the new episode or old ones.

“So what do you think?”

“Oh my god yes! WOW! I can’t believe this, I am going to be on RUNNING MAN?”

“You sure will, they had a spot open and called us to see if you were free. It was super short notice but we didn’t have you scheduled for anything. So the filming is set for tomorrow, again I know super short notice and I am sorry for that.”

“No don’t worry, you could have said it was later today and I would have been fine with it. I mean its RUNNING MAN for crying out loud!”

“I am glad you are happy with this, it’s been awhile since I have seen a true honest smile out of you. I think this will be good for you.”

“Thank you Simon, for everything.”

“Don’t mention it, I have some other things to handle but I will send you all the info for tomorrow.”

I stood and gave him a side hug before thanking him again for doing this. The rest of the day was spent with a much happier atmosphere then I had been in for a while. Even Loco and Chase brought up how I looked happier and I was very thankful I still had them to share the news with. Of course, they teased me with going on the show because they knew I thought Lee Kwang Soo was attractive and adorable, it was always funny watching him on the show being teased by Jong Kook. They asked if I wanted to go out for drinks but I declined wanting to get a good night’s sleep so I would be refreshed for filming. I walked with the guys out of the studio and ran into Jay who was waiting for them. We all just stood there waiting for someone to make a move, Jay broke the silence first.

“I heard about RUNNING MAN, you must be pretty excited.”

“I am.”

“Well have fun.”

“I will.”

Jay cleared his throat and started walking towards his car and I started walking towards the bus stop when he called out to me.

“Sarah!”

I turned around, “Yeah?”

“It’s going to be cold tomorrow, make sure you dress warm.”

“I will.”

“Ok…..good. See you later.”

Jay didn’t say anything else before he got into his car and sped off. I didn’t allow myself to think anything more into his comments, I needed to stay strong in my attempt at having space. I didn’t make any stops before going home and getting ready for bed.

The next morning, I woke up and got dressed making sure to dress nice but comfy going with a pair of jeans and long sleeve shirt. I figured if we were doing anything like I have seen in the past I wouldn’t need a big heavy jacket because we would be none stop moving making sure I would stay warm. I grabbed a lighter jacket and a hat and gloves before going to catch a cab. I arrived at the filming location and was met with the PD of the show who went over everything with me but didn’t tell me what we would be doing today.

Filming began and I was introduced to the cast and was surprised that they even knew who I was. I mean yeah they could have been told about me but Haha looked to be super happy to have me on the show. They asked me a bunch of questions about coming here from the states and how my experience has been in the industry. It was fun being able to talk about everything and they were all so welcoming to me. Then the next guest was introduced and even I was super excited to see that it was Kim Woo Bin. We greeted each other and he went on to tell them about the fashion show I was in which earned me more questions. Eventually the show started with the first game which was a game of talent where we were measured on different talents from dancing to impressions of people and animals to reenacting lines from our favorite movies or shows. It was so much fun and thankfully I didn’t embarrass myself too much. The next game was also outside and I was starting to regret my choice in jackets as even with all the movement I was getting cold. This was the normal race to find an object hidden on the compound and there was a hidden guard within the cast who ripped off name tags of people to banish them from the game. If the item was found then the guard would have to suffer a punishment. Had the guard not been Jong Kook I am sure we would have won but the man was a beast and took everyone out before we could find the item. Since he won he got to pick the person up for penalty and of course he picked Kwang Soo who suffered a water bomb in the freezing cold weather. After the filming was over I thanked everyone for having me and they wished me luck with my album release.

I took a cab home and thankfully the cab driver cranked the heat for me as I tried to thaw out my frozen body. When I got home I stripped my clothes and jumped in the shower turning the temperature as hot as it would go not caring if I gave myself any kind of burns from the heat. When the water started getting cold I got out and made myself some soup for dinner and went to bed under a few layers of blankets.

The next couple of weeks I started to feel the repercussion of my poor choice in jackets for the filming. It started off as just a couple of sneezes and a runny nose where the guys all suggest home remedies to kick the cold but none of them worked. Eventually this sneeze morphed into coughing and a fever. I was supposed to be working on some tracks with Loco for his new album and couldn’t be missing work. I was taking every kind of medicine I could get my hands on to help keep me functioning. I don’t know if it the over use of medication but my stomach was starting to hurt. The pains weren’t anything too concerning, just a stomach pain here and there so I just decided to ignore it and push through the pain.

I was walking into the studio with my layered jackets and medical mask on trying to keep my germs from spreading. I saw Simon walking out of the break room and stop in his track when he saw me. He looked horrified and slowly approached me as if I would attack him in some way. He stopped just out of reach of me and looked me up from down.

“Jesus Sarah, you look like shit.”

“Thanks.” I sneezed and coughed trying to hold my lungs in with my hand that shot up to cover my face.

“Fuck Sarah, you really do look like crap. Please get out of here, I don’t mean to be rude but go home. No in fact go to the doctor. It’s been a couple of weeks and you still aren’t better. Please go see the doctor and come back tomorrow.”

I tried to protest but Simon shook his head and extended his arms out blocking me from entering the studio and spreading whatever cold I had. I eventually conceded and turned and made my way home. I knew my body could kick whatever this bug was if I just gave it time to rest. So instead of going to the doctor I just went home and went back to bed. For the rest of the day I slept and only woke up because of a coughing fit or needing more blankets. When the morning finally came I tried to make myself look as healthy as possible in hopes that Simon or anyone else who saw me wouldn’t think otherwise.

When I walked into the studio I tried my best to hold back the coughs or keep from flinching from the pain in my stomach that was starting to get worse. I was slowly walking back to my room feeling the world get fuzzy and heavy, instantly regretting my choice to come in. When I opened my door I was welcomed with the sight of Simon sitting down going through his phone. The door opening alerted him to my presence and when he looked up I knew I failed at trying to pull of the healthy look.

“Oh for fucks sake Sarah, you look worse then you did yesterday. What did the doctor say? Is it contagious? You should really be resting.”

“I rested all day yesterday.”

“And the doctor?”

“I never went, I figured I could fight off whatever this is.”

“Jesus Sarah, I don’t have time to walk you down there and hold your hand. Just stay there.”

Simon pulled out his phone first calling Loco and then Chase to see if they were free to run me to the hospital, neither of them were free as they were all recording at the moment. When he finished his call his hand dropped and he looked up at me and shook his head before picking his phone up.

“Sarah, I really hate that you didn’t go to the doctor. This is a last resort and you better act on your best behavior.”

I stood there puzzled by his comment but then understood his warning when I heard him talking on the phone, he had called Gray.

“Gray, I am so sorry to ask you this and yeah it’s going to go against everything I told you not to do. I need you to come take Sarah down to the hospital before she takes the studio down with whatever she has.”

He was silent listening to Gray talk before he thanked him and ended the call. He walked me out of the studio and to Gray’s waiting car where he was already in it waiting for me. The car ride to the hospital was tense not just from the awkwardness between Gray and I but because I was trying my best to hold in the groans of pain. My arm crossed over my stomach and I doubled over unable to contain the pain any longer.

“You ok over there?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

I clutched my stomach tighter and cried out from the sharp pain I felt, it was as if someone had stuck a rusty old kitchen knife into me and was twisting it. I tried to hold my stomach with one hand while I unzipped my jacket to cool off as I felt I was burning up.

“Sarah what’s wrong?”

“I will be fine, just a little hot.”

I turned my head to face Gray and tried to give him the best smile I could. Another wave of pain came over me and the world became fuzzy and I heard Gray call out my name before everything went dark.

Gray

I looked over at her as she tried to smile but all I saw was the sweat covering her face and the flushed look on her face before I saw her clamp her eyes shut and grimace in pain before she slumped forward.

“Sarah!”

I pulled the car over and parked it cutting off other cars but ignoring their honks as I pushed Sarah back in the seat to check on her. She was breathing but it was labored and when I checked her head she was burning up. I knew I had to get her to a hospital and quickly. I put the car back into drive speeding off down the road weaving in and out of lanes trying to get their quickly. It felt like everyone in Seoul was out driving and causing me to slow down but eventually we made it to the hospital. I threw the car in park and ran to her side of the car taking her into my arms and running into the emergency area demanding a doctor for her. We were shown to an empty bed where I laid her down and the nurses began to strip her down and started checking her vitals. One of them came over to me asking what was wrong and I told her of everything that I knew. That she has been sick for a couple of weeks but recently it just started to get worse. They asked some other questions about her being around other sick people or if she has had any surgeries and I answered no to both. Then they asked if I was a guarding and I said yes, they had me some sign some forms to examine her to rule out things such as her appendix since she was having stomach pains. Once the forms held my signature they rolled her out and I was shown to a waiting area.

After about an hour a nurse came back and told me they had her resting in a room and that I could go see her but that she was sleeping. I thanked the nurse and she showed me the way, when I walked in they had her hooked up to machines to monitor her vitals and had her hooked up to some IVs. The nurse told me that a doctor would be in shortly and I thanked her again before she left me alone. I walked up to her sleeping form and took a spot in a chair next to the bed. I took her hand in mine and held onto it, she still felt very hot but knew that whatever this was she would beat. A knock came at the door and I turned around to see a doctor and nurse walk in, I stood and bowed to them.

“Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon doctor, will she be ok?”

“She will be fine, we did some tests and it’s safe to say it’s nothing too dangerous. It wasn’t her appendix as we had thought, it was in fact just the flu. I don’t see that she got a flu shot yet and this year we have been seeing an increase in people coming down with the flu. We really wouldn’t worry too much but since her fever was so high it could be a concern for the fetus. I would like to keep her here under observation until the fever has broken and to monitor the fetus. If you have any questions the nurse here can answer them for you.”

The doctor bowed before exiting the room leaving me there trying to understand what he had just said. I grasped onto the chair to keep myself from falling, I shook my head trying to make my mind comprehend what I just heard. I sat myself down and looked up to the nurse who was watching me.

“She has the flu?”

“Yes, she will be fine as we have already started administering medication to help with the fever and liquids to help her body fight off it.”

“And…..” I swallowed hard not wanting to say the word.

“The fetus?” the nurse answered for me.

“Yes, that……is it ok?”

“As far as we know yes the fetus is strong, the stomach pains she was feeling was caused by the fever putting the fetus in distress.”

“How far?”

“4 weeks, we will go over this once she wakes up. If you need anything else feel free to come find me.”

I slowly bowed my head and the nurse left me closing the door softly. I turned my body back to take in the sleeping form and my eyes landed on her stomach. I still didn’t want to believe what the doctor had said but knew it had to be true because there was no way they would have been wrong about it. I sat there watching her body raise with every breath she took and the sounds of the beeping from the machines being the only sound in the room. I couldn’t believe this was happening, she was laying here with his baby…..with Jay’s baby inside her. My anger began to raise, as if it wasn’t hard enough knowing that she had fucked him, as if it wasn’t a knife to the chest to see his mark on her skin. But this…..this was the worst thing that could happen. The pain I was feeling from this was the worst kind of pain. I had still hoped that some way or another I would be able to find my way back to her. Now I knew there was no way that was going to happen.

It was another 20 minutes before I saw her arm twitch and watched her slowly regain consciousness. She opened her eyes slowly blinking against the brightness of the hospital lights before she turned her face to me.

Sarah

The loud beeping coming from the machines slowly brought me back. My body was still very hot but my arm was cold and I knew I must be hooked up to an IV. I blinked a few times before turning my head to see Gray sitting in a chair next to me, whatever the reason I was here for must not be good by the look he had on his face.

“What did they say?”

“It’s the flu.”

“Then why do you look like that?”

“You had a fever and that caused your stomach pains…….your body was trying to tell you that you were putting your fe…” he paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “The pain was from you putting the fetus in distress with the fever.”

I laid there blinking at him thinking this must be some kind of joke. He couldn’t possibly have just said what I think he said.

“Come again?”

“The fetus Sarah, your pregnant. I guess I should congratulate you.”

“Your joking, this is some kind of sick joke. Your just mad at me and now you’re trying to have your revenge. I won’t be mad, I know I deserve it.”

“I would never joke about this, you have HIS child inside you.”

“There is no way.”

“Of course there is a way, you were fucking him.”

“No, it’s not possible.”

“It’s not possible? Not possible your pregnant or not possible it’s his child? Because I know for damn sure it’s not mine! I never got the chance to do that with you! Or is it some other guy? Were you fucking another man?”

The pain from his words hit me hard like a building had just been dropped on me, I know I hurt him but for him to think I was that kind of girl to be messing with more than Jay hurt. Then again, I did nothing to prove him I wasn’t that kind of girl, in fact he only saw things that proved I was in fact that kind of girl. I let the tears make their way down before closing my eyes and telling him to leave. He didn’t say another word and left the room.

I laid there for a few more minutes before calling a nurse. They came in and gave me a rundown of everything they had told Gray. I was in fact 4 weeks pregnant and I would have to stay there until my fever broke and that they knew the fetus would be ok. I thanked the nurse for everything and she left me in the room to think over everything. I had a choice to make, I could terminate this pregnancy and leave never to return back here. Or I could keep the child and leave. Either way I knew my time was up here, I had ruined everything and there was no coming back from it. I let myself cry for the pain I had caused with both Jay and Gray and the pain from making the choice I had to about this baby inside me. Then I cried because I was going to have to give up on music, there wasn’t any way I could make this work. I cried until I felt like I had nothing left to give when a thought came to mind. I could possibly make this work if I were to leave and be signed onto H1gher music instead, I could be based out of the states and I wouldn’t need to worry about Jay or Gray as neither came to the states unless there was a reason. I knew what I was going to do but I needed info, I grabbed my phone and called Simon.

Gray

I was just walking back into the studio as Simon was walking out.

“Where are you heading off to so quickly?”

“Sarah called, said she needed to talk to me.”

“Why?”

“Not sure but she said it was important. How is she doing? It’s nothing serious right?”

I shook my head no and he smiled before walking towards his car and getting in. I watched him drive off and wondered why Sarah wanted to talk to him.

She couldn’t possibly be thinking of telling Simon about the baby?

I thought as I watched his car turn the corner. I stood there thinking of what she could want but eventually turned towards my car and driving off to go back to the hospital. I pulled up and got out of my car just as Simon was walking into the hospital. I followed him up to Sarah’s room making sure to stay a good distance from him so that he wouldn’t notice me. When he knocked and entered the room I went up to the door and slid it open enough to hear them talking.

“You ok Sarah?”

“Yeah I will be fine, just the flu.”

“You should have listened to me yesterday when I told you to go in.”

“I know and I am sorry.”

“So what did you need?”

“How much longer do I have on the contract I signed with Jay?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just tell me?”

“I think two or three months, now tell me why you need to know?”

“I want to go back home. If you two are thinking of signing me on for good please sign me to H1gher and not AOMG. Let me be based out of the states and I don’t want to work with Jay only you.”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Is it because of everything with Gray and Jay.”

“Yes.”

“You know you don’t need to run away.”

“I know, but Simon this is beyond repair. It’s time for me to go back home. I want to continue with my music but I can’t do that here. Please if I am signed sign me to H1gher and let me go back home.”

“I know we want to sign you, there is no doubt about that. I guess I can understand your reasoning behind this but just give me some time to think on this.”

“Simon if I’m not signed and able to work from the states then I won’t be signing. I will give up everything and will return home.”

“I see, well then I guess I will have something to seriously consider. Rest up Sarah and I will talk to you when you come back to work.”

“Thank you.”

The door opened the rest of the way and Simon walked out and I walked in closing the door.

“Why?”

Sarah shot her head towards my direction not expecting me to be there.

“Why what?

“Why are you running away?”

“You know why Gray.”

“Because of the baby?”

“Because of everything, everything that has gone down between the three of us. There is no repairing this Gray now more so than before. Before we might have been able to find a way back from this for us three but now there isn’t. It’s time for me to go back home.”

“You can stay.”

“I can’t and you know it. I just want you both to be happy and to get back to the way things were before I came into the mix.”

“You can stay and I will raise the baby as mine.”

“You know that’s not right.”

“So what, I don’t want to lose you.”

“Gray you deserve to be happy with someone who loves you for you and with someone who isn’t carrying another man’s child.”

“Just think on it please. Don’t make such a drastic choice while you are sick. It’s the medication that has you all messed up.”

“Gray you know it’s not the medicine.”

“Just think please.”

I didn’t give her an option to say anything else before I walked out the door ending our conversation. I wasn’t about to let her leave just like that, no I had to do everything in my power to get her to stay. Over the next few days I went to the hospital to visit her on my lunch break and after work. I brought her stuff to work on that she asked for and just kept her company. Every day I asked her to stay and every day she turned me down, I knew I was fighting a losing battle but I refused to let her go without a fight.

“Sarah just stay.”

“Gray we have gone over this so many times already, I can’t stay here.”

“You know I said I would raise the kid.”

“Oh yeah how’s that going to look? Your mom would kill you if you had a child outside of marriage.”

“So what, I can handle my mom.”

“You could never do that to your mom, you are too much of a mama’s boy to hurt her.”

I kicked the at the invisible dirty on the ground because she was right, “So even if I don’t claim the kid as mine you can still raise the kid here.”

“Gray it’s not that easy, you know how the Korean society is. Being a single parent is so frowned upon. It’s not the same as being a single mom back at the states. Add on that I am part of this company and it could end up hurting you guys in the long run. I can’t do that.”

“Don’t give up ok, I will find a way to make this work.”

“Gray please just let it be.”

I looked down at my watch before I stood up from my chair, “Wow look at the time, I have to get going.”

“Gray I mean it.”

“I will be by tomorrow to pick you up ok.”

I didn’t give her a chance to answer me as I walked quickly out of the room. She made some valid points, my mom wanted a grandchild but she wanted it the right way. I had to find a way to get her to stay and I was running out of time because I knew Jay and Simon would want to get her contract settled soon. I went right home and didn’t bother eating, I just laid there in bed thinking of ways to get her to stay.

NEXT CHAPTER

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