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lwtqts · 2 days

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no because that eunseok fic is relating a LITTLE TO WELL to my life..... okay a little storytime ONLY IF YOU'RE INTERESTED ‼️ okay so this girl i became friends with the beginning of freshman year decided to turn her fucking back on me out of no where, so its the ending of sophomore year for me rn and in January she had started to become distant and i didnt mind because yk maybe she was going through something and wanted to be alone but mind you i kept asking if she had a problem with me or something because yes i am an overthinker okok 😾☝️and I skip right to conclusions anyways she starts making our entire friend group distant from me (except for two girls whom ive known since literal diapers) anyways i start to get uncomfortable because wtf she used to be so nice and a girls girl until one day she snaps at one of the two girls and starts calling her names and telling her to fucking move on from a guy my friend was talking to at the time which mind you that girl shouldn't be talking because shes still obsessed with her ex from FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO 😭‼️‼️anyways that day she made the room hella uncomfortable and that day going home from school something didn't feel right and that's when i get a message from her asking if we can talk and i answer her right away cause fucking finally she spoke up about her attitude anyways she starts going off on me on how terrible of a friend I am, that I'm a bitch who makes everyone uncomfortable, I'm judgemental and opinionated and that I bring nothing but bad energy to everyone in my life and I was just sitting there in disbelief because wtf and not to toot my own horn or anything but I am one of the nicest people I fucking know 😭 I have gotten so many compliments from those around me on how I put others first and how I radiate mother energy, and how i put my own problems aside to take care of those around me and yes I will admit i am the mother of the group and i am proud to be that 🫡N E WAYS she would quite literally like the guys I liked or his BEST BEST friends and try to get with them 😭👎 and would always judge everyone but if you told her something she'd be mad and make you apologize like girl !?!? anyways me being the bigger person I apologize for those dumbass reasons and there we unfollow each other and that's it but I wake up the next morning to MULTIPLE messages from this girl talking about how if I was to talk shit id do it to her face or that i need to shut my mouth on social media, GIRL THE WAY I WASNT EVEN ON SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE I NEEDED A BREAK FROM IT TO RETHINK ABOUT THIS GIRL AND HER INTENTIONS THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE FRIENDS AND SHE PULLED SOME SHIT ASS LIES FROM HER ASS AND KEPT ACCUSING ME 😭 what's so funny though is that she was the one talking shit on me on social media but as I was realizing this I get a text from one of the two girls and she sends me a screenshot of all the shit that the girl was talking behind my back, FOR 2 MONTHS SHE WAS TALKING SHIT ON ME WHILE ALSO PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND 😭😭 AND THE BEST PART ABOUT ALL THIS IS THAT SHE IS GOING AROUND PAINTING ME AS THE FUCKING VILLIAN DUDE 😭😭😭 AND SHE LITERALLY SWITCHED OUR FUCKINF ROLES AND SAID I WAS THE ONE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP LIKE HUH !?!?? since it's been months of that happening I catch her ass glaring at me and STILL spreading rumors about me but almost everyone in my school knows I'm so sweet and I've known a majority of those people since kindergarten and that girl just moved to that school so 😭 honestly I just continue to let her bark because I don't like problems with anyone and I like to be the bigger person 😓 also she turned the friend group on me by convincing them that I was talking shit on them which I wasnt and now only those two girls talk to me! lol sorry for this long ass storytime I was just thinking about how yunjin is sounding a little TOO much like this ex friend of mine 😭😭 if you want more details I have PLENTY GIRLLL like the tea is boiling over!! okok tyyy 💗 (I love your work smmm but eunseok pisses me tf off in that fic 😞🤞)

BRO WHATT😦😦😦😦

im literally mouth open what the actual fuck, i hate people like this fr like what the fuck is their problem. i had a friend like this too which was at the beginning of the year and she started talking shit on me bc of a guy who i happened to like too BUT i didnt know she liked him because she never told me, and she started talking shit on me and making me look horrible saying shit like im a pick me girl, i need male validation and attention, but girl i literally did NOTHING to her but like this guy and be friends with him, i confronted her later on and she shut up real quick admitting that she was jealous of me. ugh but i hope you find better friends soon ! because from what i know, people who talk shit on you who happen to be your friend are jealous. but like if you ever need someone to shut that girl up rq, dm me because no way in hell is she gonna get everyone on her side nuh uh🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

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kaiju-krew · 2 years

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big baby

#lets pretend i didnt start this a month ago and didnt have the energy to make it pretty #anyways goji is a big stinky affection starved baby #godzilla #mothra #mothzilla #mosugoji #kaiju #my art

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atlabeth · 3 years

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neighborly things - sokka x fem!reader

summary: reader can’t make things for shit. thankfully, she has a cute and crafty neighbor willing to help her.

a/n: im so sorry lmao. i have requests and i have 2 series that havent been updated in like a month but sometimes i just need to write a stupid little oneshot to get back in the writing mood. i did this in an hour

im not a screwdriver expert so dont come at me if some of this info is wrong lmao

wc: 1.6k

warning(s): some cursing but otherwise pure fluff. also i didnt proofread im SORRY im pretty sure they laugh grin and smile like 200 times

“Dammit!”

Anyone unfortunate enough to have a place near you during this time would have heard the phrase on more than twenty occasions, and it wasn’t even noon yet. You had gotten the parts in the mail to put together a new dresser a couple days ago, and had finally decided to take on the task. You didn’t know if it was because you were inexperienced with furniture or just lacked basic comprehension skills, but it was proving to be no less than Herculean.

You threw the screwdriver at the wall and fell back to the floor as you let your arms sprawl out above you. You had been trying to screw in a part for no less than thirty minutes, and if a miracle didn’t happen right about now, you were going to lose your mind.

Your head snapped towards the door when she heard a knock, and your brows creased. “God?” You muttered as you got up, wondering if you had actually thought a miracle into existence.

You weren’t greeted by a deity when you opened the door, but the man standing in front of you was pretty damn close. With ocean blue eyes, hair pulled back in a ponytail with shaved sides, and toned arms, he was a sight to behold. But you had no idea why he was in front of your door.

“Hey, are you okay?” He questioned, genuine concern in his tone.

“Um, yeah, why?” You were trying to rack your brain for any memory of this guy — because you knew you would remember him if you had seen him before — but to no avail. “Also, who are you and why are you here?”

“Right,” he chuckled. “My name’s Sokka. I’m your neighbor; I live—” he gestured at the door just next to your place, “—over there. Moved in a couple weeks ago, so that’s probably why you don’t know me. I’ve just been hearing a lot of cursing and loud noises coming from your place, so I figured I would stop in and see what was going on.”

“Oh. That’s.. very considerate of you, Sokka. I’m just…” you sighed and chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all. “I’m just trying to put together a dresser, and it’s not going well at all. That latest sound you heard was the culmination of my rage. I threw a screwdriver at the wall.”

“Yeah, that’ll do it,” he laughed. “Listen. I don’t wanna intrude on you or anything, but I happen to be pretty good at putting things together. I had to do a lot of furniture construction when I first moved in, plus I’m the one all my friends call when they need help with putting anything together. I could probably help you with whatever’s troubling you.”

“Are you serious?”

“Oh, no. I just go door to door joking around with people, asking if they need help with their furniture, sometimes I ask if their refrigerator is running? It really gets a kick out of them.”

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly and stepped aside so he could enter your apartment. “Thank you so much, Sokka. I’ve read the instructions a million times, I seriously don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

He crouched down and picked up the manual, turning to a dog-eared page and skimming over the instructions. He pointed at the screwdriver you had thrown against the wall and glanced back at you. “Is that the one you’ve been using?”

You closed and locked the door behind him then walked over to the wall, picking up the unfortunate victim of your anger and spinning it in your hands. “Yeah, why?”

“Do you know what kind it is?”

“Um.. maybe? God, I don’t know. I think it’s a Phillip’s head?”

Sokka laughed and shook his head, holding up the manual so you could see it. “That’s where you’re going wrong. You need a Pozidriv for these screws — they’re similar enough that anyone can make a mistake.”

You stared at Sokka in complete amazement — apparently, your savior lived next door, and he came in the form of a handsome guy with basic knowledge on putting furniture together. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you said as you walked over and took the booklet from himl. You flipped through it a couple times and read over the part, shaking your head in disbelief.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” you repeated, louder this time. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get that thing to- to work, to screw, to— whatever you call it?”

“It’s actually to—”

“Thirty minutes!” You interrupted, earning a small chuckle from Sokka. “Thirty damn minutes that I have been trying to get that screw in, and it’s all because I was using the wrong screwdriver. Why would they make screwdrivers that are so similar but aren’t interchangeable?!”

He shrugged and held up his hands. “Don’t ask me — I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. But like I said; this dresser might fall apart if you keep using this thing. I actually have a Pozidriv back at my place, I can go get it and we can finish this up together.”

“God, that would be the biggest help,” you admitted. “But I don’t wanna take up your time — I don’t know how I would even repay you.”

“I’m doing this because I want to help you,” he said. “You don’t have to repay me. Think of it as… as a neighborly thing.”

“A neighborly thing?” you repeated with a laugh. “Well, if you’re offering, I’m definitely not going to refuse.”

“I am offering,” Sokka winked. “And unless you want to be at this for another three days, I think you should take that offer.”

You pretended to deliberate over it before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “I guess I’ll let you help me. I mean, really you should be thanking me for this brilliant opportunity to, um.. hone your skills.”

He laughed, a brilliant sound that made your heart sing, and nodded as he went back to the door. “Thank you so much for letting me put together this dresser. Truly, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Then I’m happy to be of assistance.”

Sokka grinned then unlocked and opened the door. “I’ll be right back, then we can get started.”

Once he got back, the two of you got to work. The next three hours passed so quickly as you and Sokka talked about everything from the work you did to people in your lives (no girlfriend, thankfully), to exchanging stories — even the silence, though rare, was comfortable.

Sokka pushed the last drawer into its place then clapped his hands as he stood up, admiring the fruits of your labor. “And that’s it! We’re done.”

“Wait, we’re done? Already?” You set down the instruction manual and stood up as well, backing up to Sokka’s position to see what he saw. “Wow, that looks.. that looks just like the picture. We are good at this! Well, you’re really good at this, I’m good at keeping you entertained. But still!”

You held your hand up for a high five and he laughed, but not without meeting it with a satisfying clap.

“It does look pretty good,” he admitted. “And not only do you have a brand new, fully functioning dresser, you also had the priceless experience of spending three hours with the neighbor you know nothing about.”

“That’s not true,” you countered. “I know that you’re really good at putting things together, you’re a genius when it comes to anything math or science, and you hate blueberries.”

Sokka snickered and brushed his hands off on his jeans. “That’s everything there is to know.”

“I dunno, Sokka. You seem like a pretty interesting guy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s not every day that someone offers to put together a whole dresser just because they feel bad.”

“Well—” he tore off a blank part of the instruction manual and picked up a spare pen from the counter, then put it up against the wall as he scribbled something on it. Sokka put the pen down and handed the slip of paper to you with a smile. “If you ever need any more help with furniture, then call me.”

You could feel your cheeks heat up as you took the paper. Your fingers brushed ever so slightly as you took the slip of paper, and you decided to just go for it. You bit back a grin and tried to sound as innocuous as possible. “And if I want to get to know you beyond the blueberries?”

Sokka laughed and leaned against the doorframe. “Definitely call me.”

“Great.”

The two of you smiled at each other like idiots for way too long before a notification from his phone broke the silence. He jumped from the sudden noise and dug his phone out of his pocket, giving you an apologetic look. “Sorry, my sister just texted me and I gotta get over to her place.” Sokka started towards the door then paused and turned around. “I actually had a lot of fun doing this, though. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You knew you had that same smile on your face, but it just wouldn’t go away. His energy was contagious. “Definitely.”

“Great.” He winked at you one last time then left, closing the door behind him, and finally snapping you out of your spell.

You leaned against the dresser and stared at the slip of paper in your hands, committing the number to memory.

You were definitely going to take him up on that offer.

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin

#avatar the last airbender #avatar #atla #avatar the last airbender fic #atla fic #avatar fic #sokka #sokka atla #sokka avatar #sokka fic #sokka x reader #sokka x reader fic #sokka x you #sokka x y/n #avatar x reader #avatar the last airbender x reader #sadie writes

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violasmirabiles · 3 years

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got tagged by @panwriter, thank you xx

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise? ali. pronounce it however you like i dont really care lol

2. when is your birthday? march 26. so just a few weeks from now. oh boy

3. where do you live? joensuu, finland babey

4. three things you are doing right now? pretending im reading the essays i shouldve read for methodology class weeks ago, making a list of things i need to get from the university library (and where those books are exactly - i dont actually go to the uni library very often at all but for some reason rather many of the books i need arent available as ebooks), trying to drink the second bucket of coffee of the day without spilling it everywhere

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest? re-animator; stephen king multiverse (was gonna just say the shining and doctor sleep but we all know its more than that); saw franchise; the godfather. though with sk and godfather im basically just playing in my own little isolated sandbox and im more than fine with that thank you

6. how has the pandemic been treating you? ah well. its been treating me. got my ba degree and generally have been able to study more so thats good. spent five months with my family in tampere last year and itd probably be good for me to go there again but as it is im stuck in my apartment because of doctors appointments. like thats the only reason i cant just Go. also i recently realized i havent seen my grandma in over a year and cried about that. choir stuff is obviously all fucky and uncertain. also having time to think about things and stuff means ive been figuring out gender stuff so thats been.....interesting....and energy consuming.....and crisis inducing

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? täällä on joku by absoluuttinen nollapiste, its finnish weirdness hours in my head 247

8. recommend a movie. i mean, yeah, re-animator

9. how old are you? 25. 26 in a few weeks

10. school, university, occupation, other? university of eastern finland, babey! english language and culture major, literature minor. did my ba thesis on the shining. the novel, fuck the kubrick film, and wouldnt have been allowed to do my thesis about a film anyway. so right now im a masters student and will start working on my ma thesis next year, trying to get as many classes out of the way before that as possible. dont know what im gonna be once i graduate and id really rather not think about that but i do like studying in spite of everything

11. do you prefer heat or cold? heat. but, like... thats relative, isnt it? what i consider warm is Definitely Not warm to someone who lives in, like, texas. and i Tolerate cold and, christ i dont know. my favorite season is spring.

12. name one fact others may not know about you. once came second in a school skiing competition! i was ten. we didnt get medals, we got like pins/brooches and i still have my silver brooch somewhere

13. are you shy? sometimes. often. im anxious

14. pronouns? they/them. like i said ive been trying to figure out gender stuff and the only thing im Very sure of is that i am Not Cis, and im scared, and i get easily defensive about it all, and i have a lot of internalized issues i need to work on. gendered pronouns are like my number one personal enemy, i need the sort of....neutrality, ambiguity, yknow. finnish does not Have gendered pronouns, we have hän for he/she/they/every neopronoun - and we dont even fucking use that one, everyones just se (it) and thats all fine and dandy when you dont want to Think about your Gender every time someone refers to you and im rambling because i am once again getting defensive for no reason sdfdsfs yeah theres still a lot to unload here i swear were getting there

15. biggest pet peeves? on a bad day? everything. but to give an actual answer, people not realizing their experiences are not universal and that their actions can and will have an effect on others

16. what is your favorite “-dere” type? glad to say im temporarily illiterate so i dont know what this says

17. rate your life from 1 to 10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be im afraid i cant do that luv i dont want to have a breakdown

18. what’s your main blog? this one babey

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for. i have @ihmekukkavesi for my photography and @shineondoc for university hell and occasional doctor sleep/the shining yelling. im not gonna call it my studyblr cos it....its really not....its not. im not a good student. im not organized, i dont feel like im Doing This right. im definitely not exemplary. everything becomes a crisis and i need to let it out somewhere and thats what shineondoc is for.

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friend? oh boy. uh. im not good at keeping a conversation going. yet at the same time i cannot fucking shut up if were talking about something im excited about. i dont know how Real this is but i feel like i might come across as like...arrogant or something but i swear im just scared and trying to keep myself from Rambling(tm) and. well. trying to sound like a normal fucking person.

tagging @nowendil @appelssiini @librarytraveller @sailonacrossthesea @stokoetopia @kirsikkaprinsessa and anyone whos bored and wants to do this

#got tagged #once again. no pressure if you dont feel like doing this

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beatrix-kidd0 · 3 years

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our love story.

we met a few years ago, when my hair was the longest its has ever been, and his hair was brown after months of dying it different tones of bright colors. after me, his hair would always stay the same color. i dont know if it was my fault, or the fact that i really loved his natural color, and he loved how i loved it.

we started talking because we had mutual interest. we met through mutual friends, went to the same school but he was a year older, we would some times catch each other on breaks at the same time, smile, and keep going. but sometimes we would react to each others stories ‘oh i love that movie’ ‘i love that radiohead song’ we had a very similar taste on movies and music, and i really like spending time reading, he liked playing videogames, our conversations started becoming longer every single day. still at school we acted casual, like two not so close friends, i dont know if it was me, i got so nervous when i saw him that i almost could really open up, i started getting worried, thinking the only time we would conecct would be via text. for me, i never considerd anything romantic with him, i knew he just got out of a relationship, heard it from a friend of a friend, and i knew how gorgeous is ex was, there was no way in hell he was choosing me after her. but i liked him as a friend. we would see eachother at parties and nod, some parties i started getting flirtier, i could help myself, the more alchohol in my sistem, the more flirty i became. just casually bumping into him all the time, touching shoulders, looking at him while he pretended to not notice but i knew he did. but he also was very sweet, he would always ask me how was i, and laugh whenever i told a joke to the crowd. even though i tried my best to not speak that much when he was arround, i didnt want to embarace myself. he was so cool, and confident, and i was none of that.

then the insomia started to kick in, every time i would live a party i could go to sleep, just thinking of facing him, making out in a bathroom, him telling me he liked me. i hated myself for slowly thinking more and more of him, because i knew he didnt think of me that way. but i could fucking help myself.

one night we had been texting the whole day, we started texting like that, just two friends constantly texting about very stupid stuff, but always waiting by the phone to see his name pop up on my screen and bring me a silly goofy smile. i was out with my friends, and i got drunk, every time i was drunk i fucked up, he knew that, i told him i was going out with some friends. while my friends were talking about something i wasnt really paying attention to, i message him, it took him two minutes two replied my heart was on my cheast.

hi, u up?

yeah. arent you with your friends? have fun

yeah, also a bit drunk

ha ha

and i wanted to ask you something.....

okay?

what is this? we talk all the time, but we pretend we dont know each other at school.

her friends started picking up on her worried and nervous face. her heart on her cheast. she couldnt tell her friends something so vulnerable like gettin rejected right at the same time they were laughin about some silly storie. she could tell them. so she lied, said her dad texted her she was worried about responding because she was drunk. after a couple minutes, he replies.

im sorry. im awkard, u know. i really like you. as a friend, maybe even more. but just got out of something so serious.

she didnt knew what to say. she chugged what she had of her beer.

ha. ok. no worries.

but then she felt something in her chest, and she had to come clean.

actually, yes. i think i might have feelings for you. and i dont know if i can keep talking to you like this.

she had never been this honest with him before. it felt good to stand up for herself, but at the same time she was not ready to loose her over a drunk night.

oh. yeah i have feelings for you two

so?

lets go on a date

she smiled. she could stop smiling. she excused herself to the bathroom, she had to scream.

really? u sure

im sure. lets go have a couple beers, get to know each other on person. i really like you and i dont wanna lose you.

cool. same

cool.

they went on that first day, and then a couple more that week. they started spending one day with eachother, one apart, one with eachother, one apart. they had such a flow when they talked to each other, it was easy. yet they had never kissed. she counted five dates, no kissing. their dates were usally at a park, very early in the evening, one day they even went for breakfast at nine am, so it wasnt really making out time. but she felt like that was his way of telling her she was a friend. he liked her comments on music, and movies, he would watch all the films she recommended, and he would tell her to watch the ones he liked and waited for her review like a little kid. he loved when she waited for him reading, and how she send him little messages after every date whenever she got home thaking him. he liked her nose, and her hair, and the eyeliner she did on her eye. later on, he would try to copy her eyeliner and she would laugh everytime because he would always fail misreably. everything was great. yet every time he would get closer, he could feel her standing a distance away. everytime they were silent, and he though of kissing her, she would rapidly change the subject and get into a deep conversation about the industry of make up cosmetic, or something radom like that. she was always talking, and he loved that, but sometimes wished she realized he wanted to kiss her. either she didnt want it, or she was to nervous. the good answer was the second one.

one day she was walking down his street, he told her he wanted to show her his favorite coffe store right across from his house, what he really wanted was to show her his room. something very personal to him, but he liked her so much. they had a coffe, a great talk, they laughed. and they went upstairs when the coffe filled them up with energy and joy. she was nervous, he could tell, but she faked it like a pro. she was shaking when they got upstairs. he introduced her to his mom ´mom this is my friend´ she said hi with the prettiest smile and tried her best to be the nicest girl that mom had ever seen, she really wanted her to like her. she like the way friend souned in his tounge, and dreamed of the time he introduce her as more than that.

when they got upstaris, to his room, it was very clear what was going to happend. when they sat down at the bed, she took out of her phone and founded any excuse to just calm down and look at something other than his face for a second. her hands were shaking holding it, thankfully he wastn playing attention. he was so cool about the whole thing. she asked to got to the bathroom and when she got out, he was waiting for her in his bed. he was thinking. she wanted to stay there, as an observer, watching him think in a room that was so personal for him. he caught her watching.

´come here´

he said and she did. she sat next to him.

´i really like you´ he said.

´oh really?´

he stared holding her hand and playing with her palm.

´you can read hands?´

´sometimes i wish i could read your mind. i never know what your thinking´

´i never know what you are thinking´

´oh cmon, im so easy to read. you must know what im thinking now´

´i dont know´

he got closer.

´what are you thinking´

´im...´

he got even closer

´im thinking im scared´she said ´im thinking we will have a terrible kiss because im a terrible kisser and it will ruined this great thing we have going on´

´no way´

he got closer. she got out of the bed and stood up.

´im sorry... im´

´i dont wanna pressure you´

´no, no, its me.... its not you...´ she sat down next to him again, and grabbed his hand, she wanted to show she cared. ´alright... kiss me... but do it slowly´

and very slowly. first his hand in her hair, her hand on his jaw. but he did kiss her. their lips conected in slow motion.first very slowly, taking good care of her lips, listening to her request. then, his tounge started working his way through her mouth, very slowly as well. she understood the langeague he was speaking. her nervousness started to go away, even thought she was focues on the kiss, the more their mouth connected, the more passion she felt, the more she let loose.

´is it good? do you want to stop´he said

´no... no... its perfect´ she said an inmediatly grab his face and kiss him very passionaly this time. he thought it was the sexiest thing she had ever done.

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blackgirlblues · 4 years

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Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi,

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry.

I know it’s a lonely place to be in.

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it.

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems.

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase.

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer.

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history.

Big yikes.

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music.

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power.

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true.

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label.

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company.

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite.

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards.

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms.

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place.

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya.

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold.

But I still got out of it and I’m still here.

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true.

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer.

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life.

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours.

and then never put any more energy into them again.

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it.

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive.

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music.

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music.

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life.

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top.

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

#blackgirlology #black girl #black power #black love #black blogger #Black Blogs #music #blog #blogger #journal #journaling #diary entry #diary of a black girl #diary #dear diary #tumblr diary #dreams

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all-of-the-imagines-for-eve · 5 years

Text

Forget About It ~ Sweet Pea (part 6)

A/n: Oh, you didnt expect this? Well, remember how I saw I wrote a different part 5? Well it was after the part Five I posted so I took what I already had and I changed it to fit what I established as the new part five. I really hope it fits because I desperately tried lol. Tell me what you think!

Word Count: 4586

MASTERLIST

School kept up like that all the way until Christmas. Kids messed with me less and less as Archie stepped in more and more. And then Betty, too. And then Veronica. Veronica less than the other too.

As winter came and people started chucking snowballs at me, I decided to keep my Serpent jacket at the house. Now I just let faded jeans and Sweet Pea’s jacket swallow me whole. The ends of the sleeves covered my hands, and I’d never felt so soft and warm… except when I was in his arms and not just his sleeves.

Despite my strengthening relationship with my brother, school and Serpent business kept me from seeing the other Serpents. We texted and called all the time now but I wanted to hug Sweet Pea. Kiss him....

As time passed without Sweet Pea and Christmas drew closer, I drew quieter and sadder. People just let me fade into the background. Maybe it was the cold weather but god I just missed my boyfriend.

I found myself alone a lot, things happening and time passing without me paying much attention to it. My dad had noticed my little depressional episode and had tried to help, but I was shutting him out too. Kids at school left me alone, unwilling to make me snap even if I was a traiter because it wasn’t fun to bully someone who stared at you blankly with a dead look that sent a chill into your bones and made you feel guilty for doing it.

I was thankful for that. It seemed that after the winter holidays the antagonizing might be gone altogether between the growing guilt that was surfacing as well as Betty and Archie working together to get people to back off. I was sure Cheryl would always have something to say to me but who cares about Cheryl Blossom?

I spent a lot of time in my room these days though. It might have been some of the reason as to why I didn't see Sweet Pea, honestly. I'm sure Archie would have taken me for at least a visit if I'd asked, but I didn't even think about it until I was in bed and it was late and then I'd forget about it the next day, trying to keep my head above the water as I worked on school and lived for the phone calls I had with the others I missed so much.

Speaking of my room, I wasn’t getting much sleep. As my angst grew, my sleep lessened, and I spent that time changing my room around. I stripped the bed of all the pillows and blankets and settled for one pillow and one blanket and a sheet- all from the closet in the hallway. It looked better now. Less like it used to.

I’d started to wear my old clothes but only when I couldn’t bring the energy to spend on watching clothes, and then I’d wear Sweet Pea’s jacket and it would cover the color and North Sider feel of the top I’d doned. It was a nice compromise and I didn't mind it as much as I thought.

Despite my dip in mood, it was an obvious relief to my dad and brother that I was reinstating myself in my room. They'd never said anything about the make shift bed I'd made on the floor but I knew they knew, and they had winced every time I flinched as pain from cricks and sore spots. Now, despite being tired, I wasn't in pain. I was very quiet though. They simply talked to each other, trying to loop me in and cheer me up and mostly failing.

That all changed when Christmas came.

It honestly took me by surprise. When Archie has asked me to help them make cookies, I'd had to ask for what. "It's Christmas tomorrow," Archie told me, concern on his face.

"Oh." So I'd made cookies with them, and I'd be straight lying if I didn't say it didn't cheer me up a lot. We laughed and made jokes and messed with each other and honestly, it was EXACTLY what I'd needed.

When we finished, we watched Christmas movies we'd seen a million times and then talked conspiracy theories and pointed out new things we'd seen this time around. I was feeling way better and that gap that had extended forever before was quickly closing. By some miracle, I was finding out how to balance my blood family and my Serpent family.

When nighttime came, I caught Archie's arm. "Remember when we were kids and we'd camp out in the living room together to wait for Santa? We'd try to stay up all night and always failed but then we'd wake up in the morning and be together?" His face softened at the memory and he nodded. "You wanna do that again?"

His face broke into a smile. "The couches might be a little small for me now... but definitely." I smiled too. We moved pillows and blankets - every single one we could find - into the living room. Instead of leaking on the couch. we made a mass bed in the floor with couch cushions and pillows underneath to make the floor comfortable.

We stayed up late, surprisingly, to talk about my life on the South Side. Before the lack of texts and calls that had been broken when I'd confronted them at FP's party, the only interaction with them was when Jughead had brought me my box. I told him about the clothes and how I'd collected all of them and the progression of it. I told him of sleeping (innocently; I had to enunciate that several times) with Sweet Pea and how warm he was and how happy he made me. I talked about falling for him and going on adventures with him after school sometimes and all the gossip I'd learned from Toni and my prank war with Fangs. I told him about making breakfast for Jughead and wrestling with Hotdog, who probably wasn't at the trailer anymore now that I thought about it.

"It sounds like you had a whole life there," Hw whispered after a while.

I looked at him, both of our happiness strained. "I did," I admitted.

"And they were... nice to you?" I knew he was thinking about the bullies at school and I looked away. I didn't know how to say it without hurting him but I think my silence was answer enough.

We went to sleep after that.

I woke up to my brother and dad by the tree. It seemed they had put it up and taken out the boxes of lights and bulbs but were sitting on the floor, talking. Waiting maybe?

“I just want her to be safe,” my dad mumbled tiredly.

Archie nodded. “But she's not safe dad." He paused a long time. "The kids at school... are terrible to her. Betty and I are trying but there's too many students for the school to do anything about it and honestly I don't think they would even if they could. She’s not happy... Have you heard her tell stories about the South Side? She had a whole set up there. She WAS happy, there. I just- I don't know."

It got awkward and quiet so I interrupted, pretending I was just waking up. Sitting up, I yawned loudly. They both looked over. “Morning fellas. A little early, yeah?”

My brother stood up, forcing himself to cheer up as not to ruin my mood so early. “It’s Christmas. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up to have breakfast and set the tree?” He picked up a gift from the floor and handed it to me. I rose an eyebrow, and he motioned me to open it. I did and inside was a bright green Christmas sweater. I couldn’t help but smile. It reminded me of a time when I would traipse around in cotton candy pink and bubble turquoise. It reminded me of smiling and laughter and a green snake on a black jacket. “Do you like it?” Archie asked.

Looking up at them, I saw them melt with relief at the first sign of the smile they had grown so used to seeing on me before everything went to shit. “I love it,” I whispered tenderly. I tugged Sweet Pea’s jacket off and then a faded, blank grey t-shirt off as well, leaving me in a tank top for just a moment before I pulled the sweater over my head. I sighed, settling into the festivity that had evaded me for so long until last night. “Let’s decorate.” So we did.

We spent the morning pinning lights and baubles and eating popcorn instead of putting it up. We laughed and pushed each other around and messed each other up. For just a moment, we felt like a family again. We were one again united and… and… it was amazing. For just one second.

Then the moment ended when Archie and I walked to school, my arm around his waist and his arm around my shoulders. It stopped when we walked into Riverdale High, and Archie left, and I was left alone, facing my peers in my green sweater and black jeans, hoping no one would look at me in my bright colors and see a Northsider. Or worse, see a Southsider dressed like a Northsider. A threat. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

My worries were dashed away when someone I recognized waved at me, a small smile on their lips. I nodded in return. Kevin said hi to me by name as he passed. He hadn't really recognized my return yet. Betty touched my shoulder, getting my attention so she could compliment my sweater. Not that her interaction wasn't normal but that it felt so much more casual than standing up for me against bullies that it really stuck with me. Veronica laughed at a joke I'd said quietly in class at the teacher’s expense.

I felt normal and- well, not safe and not apart of these people I couldn't stand on any other day. But not in danger, at least. And I could lie to myself, just for a second, that I was a Northsider. Naive and unaware and innocent and good. As young and small as I had been not even three months ago when I WAS one of these Northside idiots. I felt like my earlier comparison was odd. Not a hidden danger- a wolf in sheep's clothing. No, I felt a fool, denying I was surrounded by obvious danger. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, pretending just for a second.

After school, I joined in on the work at the Christmas Tree farm. One day he asked me to take the work for him because he had something to take care of so I stayed even after he left. It was a nice distraction and really good exercise. I enjoyed it.

That peaceful bliss was messed up when, that night, I found out about all of the chaos with Betty and Archie and the Black Hood. I was waiting anxiously for my dad and brother to get back home and when I saw Archie, I tackled him in a hug. “Oh my god I just heard are you okay?” I gasped, leaning back and scanning his body for any significant injuries.

He chuckled. “Acting like my mom as usual.” He smiled, and we both calmed, reveling in the moment we had just had. It was eerily like so many we had had countless times before. Back then it had been normal. Before the Black Hood. Before the Red Circle. Before the Serpents.

Archie put his hand on my back, moving out of the way. "I talked to dad on the way over here. There's constant chaos and it seems we're never gonna get a break but I thought I'd give you one last present..."

I turned to see Sweet Pea of all people standing there, Toni, Fangs, and Jughead around and behind him. I was absolutely thrilled, my eyes widening as I faced Archie. He nodded at me and then I raced to my friends, tackling Sweet Pea so hard it knocked a laugh out of him. "Hey there, Princess."

I was so overwhelmed. I ran a hand through my hair, looking back at Archie. He had followed after me but kept a respectful distance from the other Serpents. Even if he was on relatively good terms with me and Jughead, Fangs and Toni didn't much like him and Sweet Pea was negatively decided on him thus far. I pushed those thoughts away. "You guys came?" I asked, looking at the others. I pulled away from Sweets to move to them as well, hugging Fangs, Toni, then Jughead. It felt amazing to be in person with them again.

"Nice outfit," Jughead joked when I pulled away from him. I looked down. I was startled to realize how Northside I looked. My jeans were fresh, a pair I’d snagged from the drawer I hadn’t touched until this morning. The collar of my sweater covered my tattoo. I felt… like part of the garden. Where I’d felt like that black smudge when I first came back, I felt out of place around the Serpents again, too neat and put together and pristine. When had I put my hair up? I usually wore it down these days…

I swallowed, looking back at Sweet Pea. His easy expression was unfazed though and suddenly I was relaxed again. He hadn't missed my moment of anxiety and when I returned to him, he quickly whispered, "You look really good."

I whispered back, "I look like a North Sider."

He rolled his eyes. "Wherever I am. Remember?"

The promise we'd made what seemed forever came back to me and I smiled. "Yeah." The last bits of my balancing between South and North side dissipated. What had I said? A North Side Serpent? Yes. They had seen me in the house I’d grown up in, messing with my brother. In my perfect house with my perfect brother in my perfect neighborhood, where everything was pretty and purposeful and pristine. A stark difference to the Southside. I'd thought it would have thrown them off again, but it seemed to cheer them up. Seeing me happy and lively... It had been made clear. I was not half a Serpent, but I still knew where I'd come from. My friends did too. And the friends that mattered didn't care where I started or where I was now. They cared about me.

Jughead cut off the quiet moment between me and Sweet Pea, smiling softly and handing me a small gift. “Toni, Fangs, and I wanted to get you something special. Open it later.” He kissed my forehead.

"Thank you guys," I whispered softly, genuinely touched.

Jughead waved it away. There was a slight pause where he tilted his head. “You’re different today." I rose an eyebrow. "It's just good to see you doing well here. When Betty told me..." He swallowed. "I'm glad you're doing well.

The others stared at me but I shook my head. "Later," I begged them all. They instantly complied.

To distract, Sweet Pea stepped up, pulling me into him. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. He kissed my hair and I melted into him. He moved away and then behind me, holding me in a way that I would still be able to talk to the others. I wasn’t complaining.

“We just wanted to drop by and say Merry Christmas,” Toni explained. “We’re off to… do some stuff and-”

Jughead’s hand shot out to catch hold of mine. The mood suddenly changed and I realized that there was more to this visit than a social visit. “Y/n..." His eyes were worried. I pulled away f ron Sweet Pea, getting serious. "Penny. It’s blown up. She took a video and is using it as blackmail. She has my dad doing drug runs for her-”

I moved closer to him. “Oh my gosh Jug." My face hardened in anger. No one touched my friends. My family. Especially not some bitch like Penny Peabody. "what can I do?”

He smiled, looking at the others. “Told you she would want to help.”

“Of course,” I agreed. “No Serpent stands alone.” I put my hand up, offering it to him. He grasped it, his eyes meeting mine with pride. We exchanged a nod. “Tell me everything.”

After it was all laid out, I went inside to confront my dad. “Hey, the Serpents dropped by.” I paused as he hummed, acknowledging me with a nod. “They were wondering if I could spend the night?” He looked up sharply and I rushed to give my reasons. “Sweet Pea will give me a ride to school in the morning, and I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ve missed them, Dad.” My eye widened in desperation, and he sighed.

He looked at me for a second. “You promise you’ll stay safe?” I nodded. “And… have a good Christmas?” I nodded a second, my face softening. He sighed again. “We have been working all day, figured we’d just head to bed anyway. Archie’s a mess…" He relaxed. "Sure.” I grinned, thanking him, and then took off to my room, ripping off my sweater and putting on a black shirt from the floor and then my Serpent jacket as it hung on the banister of my bed. I pulled my hair out, catching my reflection in the mirror. Damn. Such small changes really had such an effect on how I appeared…

Outside, everyone was waiting for me. I hopped on Sweet Pea’s bike, and we all took off toward Penny Peabody’s place with intentions to destroy. It was messy, and I’m not proud of everything that happened, but I had agreed to be here, and so I was.

After we dealt with Penny, I found myself in the bliss of Sweet Pea’s bed again, wrapped up in his arms. I turned to him. "How doesn't it bother you that I'm a North Sider?"

His hand traced my face. "Because you're not like some North Siders. You don't think you're better than us just because you have better circumstances than us. And, I mean, you're a Serpent." He shrugged as if that covered everything. And it actually did. I thought he was done but then he spoke again. “Your family is the Serpents... But you’re also a Northsider.” He paused. “You have family there too. You’re a...

"Northside Serpent?" I offered.

He smiled. "Yeah." And that was it. He brought up an even less pleasant topic. “I heard you were getting bullied.” I jerked, looking up at him. He grew sad. “It’s true then.” He shook his head, his hand running down my face.

"It's stopped," I whispered. "Archie and Betty helped."

He nodded. "Okay." He smiled a little. “You know, you looked pretty. Looking like a North Sider. Delicate. It actually sort of caught me off guard, but I don’t mind it.” He got closer as he spoke, his next sentence spoken against my lips. “Wherever you are.”

Our words were soft. "I was so scared you were going to forget about me."

He kissed me then, so hard that it knocked the breath out of me. I moaned and his fingers pressed into my skin. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you at all, let alone long enough to forget you,” he mumbled through the kisses. “Not even if I tried.” He moved over me, pausing. “I love you.”

I smiled. “I love you too."

His nose brushed against mine. “I’ve missed you. Your smell. Your lips. Your smile. Your eye. Your hair. Your voice. I’ve had a hard time sleeping. It’s too cold, and I can’t get comfortable without you…” When I met his eyes again, they were darker. I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” He looked at my lips and then the parts of my body he could see, and then back to my face. “I’m ready.”

The air in the room changed immediately. I was NOT expecting that. “Are- are you sure?” I asked.

Leaning down, he nodded. “I want you so bad it’s driving me crazy. Is… it okay with you? If we…?” I chuckled, pulling him closer. Our lips met, and I wasted no time in getting heated.

“Yes,” I answered, muffled by him. “Fuck me, please.” He shivered, his gaze zeroing in on mine a second before he dipped down, attacking my neck. By now, Tall Boy’s bruises were gone, but Sweet Pea made some of his own. He decorated me in love bites, not even trying to hold back. He ground against me, and I gasped, eyes closing.

My hands moved to tug on his shirt, pulling it up his body until he had to lean back on his ankles to take it off. I scrambled out from under him, trying to follow after him. I tugged off my shirt, throwing it into the shadows on the floor. We gazed at each other as I moved slowly to straddle his waist.

Suddenly I burst out laughing, and it startled Sweets. My forehead went to his shoulder. “What?” he asked, the humor in his voice evident as he failed to not smile along with me. I leaned back, running my hand down his face, my fingers tracing his jaw. He was so beautiful. So gentle and kind and so in love with me. How did I get so lucky?

“My dad told me to have a good Christmas,” I told him. He grinned as he realized the irony of his encouragement as we sat in our current situation, moments from crossing a boundary my dad would not approve of.

He pulled me closer. “I have a gift for you,” he told me. “I wasn’t going to give it to you because I got scared but… I have one.”

A frown came onto my face. “I didn’t get you anything.” I looked away. “I didn’t even realize Christmas was coming.” My eyebrows knitted.

Sweet Pea pressed our foreheads together. “I don’t expect you to get me a gift. You’re here- what more can I ask for?”

My smile grew. “Keep my gift for the next holiday,” I whispered. “I just want you to tonight. I want my gift to be you and me, here, now, and nothing else. No worry or stress or Black Hood or Northside. No tomorrow when I have to go back. No Penny Peabody. Please?” He didn’t even pause before nodding, leaning to put me back on the pillow. “I just want to have a good Christmas with the man I love.”

Sweet Pea beamed. “I can do that.” His lips were on my neck and my eyes closed, a sigh passing through my lips. The noise was breathy and smooth, half in pleasure and half in contentedness.

Merry Christmas indeed.

Christmas really boosted my spirits.

After our night together and my anxiety as he took me back to school, Sweet Pea's calls and texts came more often. We called in the morning as I walked to school, every night, at lunch. I felt myself relaxing and easing. The distance didn’t hurt so much. I started to mix the Serpent clothes with the ones I already had. I wore both and if I did it right, I could see what people meant when they said clothing choice was self expression. These clothes FIT me.

Unfortunately, my happy disposition on top of my developed confidence seemed to draw people in. Instead of tripping me or pushing me or treating me like I was a disease, people were actively trying to be apart of my life. Curious girls who thought I was super cool and flirty guys who thought I was super hot. Archie was by my side differently than before. Now we stood together, heads up and shoulders back. I didn’t walk behind him, hiding behind him. We had each other’s back.

His actions encouraged Betty to slip more into my life again. For real. Not just in passing or to defend me, but in class and walking to class and at lunch. Texting and calling, gossiping and getting advice and hanging out. Through them I grew a comfortable acquaintance with Veronica, and distantly, Josie as well.

The Bulldogs had actually had my back once or twice when a guy had gotten too in my face and insistent. Reggie had talked to me after but I told him I wasn’t interested and he backed off.

All of these connections I had though felt less genuine and more like a business agreement. With Betty, maybe, but... Where had they been those first few days? Those first few weeks? Where was Reggie when his own Bulldogs were whistling at me and calling me pet names to make me uncomfortable? Where was Josie when I was being pushed around- literally? When I was being trampled? I could only count on Betty and Archie. Veronica too. Maybe.

The Serpents always had my back. I couldn’t help but still think that. They would have my back no matter what side of Riverdale I looked or acted like. They had my back no matter who I was facing. Even before I’d been a Serpent, my own brother had abandoned me while the Serpents had my back. If they were here…

And then they were.

When the announcement sounded, I sat in the lounge, with Betty, Archie, and their friends. I heard the words ring through the halls and I froze, my heart stilling as I dared to hope.

South Side High was being shut down, and some students from there were coming here.

Could I get so lucky? To have my biggest wish come true? To have my brothers and sister here, with me, along with the love of my life? Being in these halls to be in a good school like I’ve wanted to happen for so long?

...How could this go wrong?

This was Riverdale- nothing good happened here. Especially in high school. I couldn't help but wait for a catch.

While everyone freaked out and Veronica tried to calm them all down, I stared at the wall, trying not to bring attention to myself and my complete joy.

Betty noticed me first. We both smiled- after all, Jughead would be coming too. Even in the precarious situation they were in, she couldn’t lie to me at least that some part of her was very excited.

Archie noticed me next, smile just as wide. He was glad to have Jughead back as well. And heck if I could finally have the people I'd missed so much back in my life? Hell yeah! The three of us were ECSTATIC!

Then I saw everyone else's faces. Eyes seeking me out and burning into me. I thought if the weeks of torture and my smile fell away. Nervousness nudged at me.

I called Sweet Pea that night and he confirmed that he, Toni, Fangs, and Jughead were coming to Riverdale High. Honestly, I wasn't as happy about it as I wish I could be. They'd be around again and in a better school. But the students...

My mind filled with the worst scenarios possible and I went to bed the night before uneasy.

Why couldn't I just be happy?

When had my life gotten so complicated?

FTL: @alexa-playafricabytoto @chipster-21 @bitchyseawitch @justanotherdaydreamersoul

Story Tags: @reblogserpent @xprblmatcprincess @black-kitten-imagines @foolsgoldxo @90skpophoe

#sweet pea #jordan connor #south side serpents #serpents #riverdale #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea x reader #jordan connor imagines #jordan connor x reader #south side serpents x reader #south side serpents imagine #serpents x reader #serpents imagine #riverdale imagine #riverdale x reader

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kiruuuuu · 5 years

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Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #thank you!!#I couldn't even fit everything in #well at least doc could #HA

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highrankingdemoness · 5 years

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So let's talk happiness (tarot spread at bottom )

As of late I've been really really STUCK and angry. Two days ago was suppose to be my last day at my job and although I didnt expect a bon voyage i didn't expect being berrated and basically told "You'll never better" .

That basically kill what little resolve i had taken so long to muster being my rent is almost 600 a month and I would only be safe for the month of June. And then I get home to hear my father's job is taking advantage and like a dumbass he is not thinking of investing in a knee or back brace. He was even thinking of quitting his job !

If I had quit my job I be writing this complete panic attack because I be in the potential to be homeless again because the two men in my life screw me over and into an overpriced apartment i didnt want or could afford

I started bitching at a friend mostly because I was irritated with the concept that I didn't deserve to be happy and when i accept that idea things only got worst or when I fought for it THINGS ONLY GOT WORST

It was when my friend mention something that I never took into consideration in all my 28 years of life

"There are other people fighting for thier happiness . And that might collide with yours . You might have to fight someone else to gain your happiness - that also mean taking thier happiness "

Now being that his an Pices ( yea yea Gemini sucks but we are not as melodramatic as Pices. ) I though he was being dramatic but in perspective he's right -

No matter how innocent, wholesome, open-minded better your intentions are they will always clash and if youre doing the think youre doing the "right" but you are not mentally prepare for an obstacle (because if youre doing the right thing and who stop people soon "good " things -right ) youree gonna lose because unfortunately there is someone in the world who would benifit from you not achieving your happiness in some twisted way

Also your happiness might be in theory completely unrealistic and unachievable in the way youre going at it. If you're not willing to reconstruct or at least think about youre just getting agitated and wasting energy.

From our conversation i was able to construct this 4 question spread and though i share it for anyone who ...kinda want to be happy and believe they're doing thier best but is still facing unbelievable shit and just kinda ....need another way to go about things

'The Battle for Happiness' Tarot Spread

Now If you read all my rambling thanks.if you didnt ok here we go -

Setup: four cards in a horizontal (left to right or right to left) . The correspondent question are below

1. Your happiness

Warning: "your happiness" is not your endgame in this spread . It is what you are pretending you want or brutally honest anmoucement. Your might think you desire order - this answer might say chaos. You might think youre doing a great job dealing with realistic expectations of soceity and the spread will say your dillisuion.

"Happiness" is what you're not be honest with but what you desire or something you're going after but May be afraid of going after a certain way

2. The obstacle or other happiness going against yours.

This is very direct. This either a person a thing or your self sabotaging. It is for you to recognize as a flaw and vulnerability. Don't try to mull or say it's not done maliciously especially if you can pinpoint this to a friend or a lover and you're uncomfortable with the idea of someone close to you "hurting you " - Recognize or it will worsen.

3. Why is your happiness in "competition " with thiers?

If you read my ramble i talk on this but in short even if youre doing something good or something you're 110% sure you want there will still be people who tell you you don't. There will still be people who will go out of there way to control you . If number two is the "who" this would be the "why ".

4. How do you fight for your happiness?

Now that you understand what type of happiness youre fighting for (or trying to debunk counting on How you reacted to question/answer 1) and, why and who you're fighting againstyour "weapon" of reason should make all more sense as you approach the battlefield.

Oh you can add explained cards before or after laying down and or flipping over the answer cards.

#witchblr #tarot #tarot spread

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chillihansol · 6 years

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barista!jeonghan (click for HD)

yoon jeonghan is part of the city barista squad

and the laziest one

he requested to work on making the coffees and less interacting to customers

bc he does not have enough energy to ask the same thing over and over lol

it’s fine with their manager bc his co-worker is luckily hoshi

so hoshi does the talking while jeonghan does the drinks

their shifts start right after seungkwan’s and seungcheol’s

jeonghan makes the best coffee out of the four workers in the city

seungcheol is the worst

and people love his coffee so they often ask if jeonghan is around

he often takes nap on the storage room when there are no customers

which is also the reason why he smells like coffee all the freaking time

besides the fact he makes them, he also sleeps with the packages of coffee beans hahaha

since jeonghan is a multi-talented barista, his latte arts are very known in the city

people would tag him on social media for making such a beautiful latte art

seungcheol is so envious of him

ofc, his rosette latte art is the best and the most wanted design

sometimes. he’d try to make cute animals

or a trail of mini hearts

jeonghan is pretty famous too

like junhui

one time, he encountered the same situation when the girls didnt know what to order bc they dont drink coffee

anyways,, jeonghan loves his job

but he also loves it when his shift ends bc he goes straight to the nearest park

he will have a cup of creamy coffee in his hands while he sits on the bench and inhales some natural breeze

this is his routine

going back to the shop, jeonghan is pretty close to some customers too

tho not as much as soonyoung does

but he’s close to a few,,

and this few includes you

in fact, you are the closest to jeonghan

jeonghan enjoys your company all the time

he’d even forget about his nap hours for you :’’)

you met jeonghan through dk

bc you’re into latte arts, dk recommended jeonghan’s coffee place bc the campus cafe does not necessarily make such thing

so you met jeonghan four months ago

and tbh

you hesitated if he is the jeonghan bc damn, he’s a t t r a c t i v e

the first time you met him, the shop was really packed with ppl, and the baristas where working really fast behind the counter

you somehow stopped yourself from ordering a latte art bc they seemed really busy that time

but you stayed there for a while, waiting for the customers to lessen in a bit, until there were only a few of them when you made your way to the counter and a cute guy with small eyes smiled at you widely

you looked at his named tag, and it said ‘soonyoung’

then you looked at the other barista whose back was facing you

and you couldnt help but stare at his broad shoulders

and his lean torso

and his silky light brown hair

until ‘soonyoung’ cleared his throat and you snapped back to reality

“hyung, i think she’s one of your fans”

slafksa your eyes widen and shook your head too immediately, and you were like nononononono

ofc, jeonghan turned around to look who this person soonyoung was pertaining about and he found you, and saw your flustered face

it was so embarrassing

and that time, you wanted to punch this soonyoung in the face for jumping to conclusions easily

luckily, jeonghan didnt ride soonyoung’s trip

“no, i think she’s dokyeom’s friend”

and you were nodding your head too quickly for agreeing on him

the sight looked so cute in jeonghan’s eyes so this brought a huge smile on his face

poor soonyoung who was so clueless

“dk told me you were coming today, i was just doing a latte for you” he said, walking closer to the counter

as he stopped by it, he leaned down to match your height and rested both of forearm on top

who is this handsome guy and why does he smell like coffee

your head jerked away from the closeness of his figure to you,,,,,and it was so awkward so you put out a hand and introduced yourself

“im y/n”

“i know. im jeonghan”

“i know”

so jeonghan’s first latte art for you was the usual rosette

tho it was the most common design, you still thought how talented jeonghan is

and how thoughtful he was for doing your coffee in advance

thanks to dk

the first time you met him, he actually sat in front of you as you took one of the tables,,,,basically, jeonghan ditched his job just to have your company, and his shift was ending anyways

so you continue to meet jeonghan in the next months, but not daily, since you often get your regular coffee from the campus cafe

you visit him twice or thrice a week and he’d give you a pre-made latte art :’)

how sweet

as you continue to know more about jeonghan,, one day, you found him sitting on a bench at the university park

his eyes were closed and his arms were crossed on his chest, a cup of coffee was resting beside him,, and he was also wearing a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up which looked so attractive on him skhfasljs

you thought that he wouldnt mind your company so you quietly sat beside him, and jeonghan wasnt bothered at all

“hi y/n”

this made you jump from your seat bc,, did he see you?? with his closed eyes??

but you tried to play it cool, “how did you know it was me?”

“no one really approaches me except for you” he chuckled, and finally opened his eyes to look straightly at you

and you swore, a bucket of butterflies was poured in your stomach

knowing jeonghan, his shift in the coffee shop was done at that time,,,but that was the only time you found out that he likes chilling on the park

and you were taken a back bc,, you never saw him there, considering that you are always at the park too

this brought the two of you to another stage of friendship,,,when you visit jeonghan, you’d wait for his shift to finish so both of you could chill on the park and talk about stuff

if the weather’s not good, he wouldnt ask for you to stay in the cafe but you’d end up still staying bc you enjoy his presence too much

there are times when jeonghan has to work overtime,

and if there are no customers, he’d bring you to the storage room and continue to hang out with you

soonyoung gets very suspicious,,, bc he thinks you and jeonghan do something pg there

but truthfully, you were just lazily talking together

the others found out about your relationship friendship with jeonghan

and seungcheol was so sure the boy is in love with you bc he forgets his nap hours just to hang out

and he thought you are going to be jeonghan’s distraction and jeonghan would not be able to make good coffees anymore

there was a moment when you somehow realized that you already have feelings for him too,,,and you were kind of scared bc your friendship with him has grown so much and you didnt want to ruin it bc of your feelings

let’s not forget about jeonghan’s fans, right???

so one day, you were chilling with him again, when a group of girls came inside the shop

with soonyoung greeting them enthusiastically, they saw you and jeonghan being all giddy and happy while talking to each other

you were not sure if jeonghan saw it but you caught this girl giving you a glare

and she whispered smth to her friends and they gave you a glare too

fite me

tbh, you didnt like ppl giving you that kind of treatment, and jeonghan seemed to notice that you became quite uncomfortable, asking if you were okay

when soonyoung finally took their order, jeonghan excused himself to make the drinks

you might or might not had been watching his figure as he make the coffees

when he came back to hand the drinks to the girls, one of them had the aUDACITY TO WALK ON YOUR DIRECTION AND ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ SPILL THE VERY HOT DRINK ON YOU

SNDJSNLKS IT WAS SO HOT

you yelped in pain, jeonghan was shocked and panicked, the girl pretended that she was sorry, and her friends were quietly enjoying the scene

jeonghan ran from behind the counter to go to you

“can you be more careful next time?” you asked bitterly

and boy oh boy, the girl was like “maybe if you weren’t blocking the way and flirting with him then this wouldnt happen to you”

jeonghan for sure was so mad from what she said,, and you were not having it

“maybe if you were actually really nice then jeonghan would have flirted with you, but you’re not.”

YOU GO GURL

jeonghan bit his proud smile from what you said, but he was still kind of mad from what the girl did to you

“pls be careful next time and try not to hurt any customer” he said, a hint of annoyance was evident in his voice

then he turned to you and whispered “come with me”

you followed him to the storage room, and the girls were left in surprise,, while soonyoung cleaned their mess

as you entered the room, you plopped down on the small seat and a pout came on your lips “they ruined my shirt” you muttered

he was getting something from his bag, then he handed you a hoodie, “change your shirt with this, i’ll be back”

then he was out of the room,,

when you replaced your ruined shirt with his hoodie, an unfamiliar manly scent lingered in your nostrils

it was jeonghan’s real scent

not the coffee scent

but his real scent that smelt so manly

when he came back, he had a cold compress on his hand, and squeezed himself beside you

the drink was spilled on your side and near your chest, so jeonghan hesitated for a second before pressing the compress

“do you want me to do it or you can do it by yourself”

you chuckled at how flustered he was, ofc, you got the compress from his hand and put it inside the hoodie

while you did that, he snaked an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him

then pressed his cheek on your forehead

djaslkdjsalkdj

“i need to ask my manager to ban ppl from going here if they’re going to cause any trouble”

and as he said that lowly, you wanted to melt in his arms bc he’s so sweet and concerned to you :’(

“you don’t really have to do that, you’ll lose bunch of customers. i guess, i’ll be the one to adjust” you mumbled

“no, i want you here. if you stopped coming, i’ll resign and apply to the campus cafe then”

that time, you were so sure that the feelings are mutual

so,,,,you pulled a way to have a better view of his face, then pressed your warm lips on his cheek

“spill. are you in love with me???”

“and what if i am?”

“i dont believe you”

then in a second, his lips connected with yours,,and he didnt pull away until you kissed him back

when the two of you separated, he muttered under his breath “you taste like coffee” and earned a subtle smack on his chest from you

and you started dating on that day thanks to the girl who spilled coffee on you : )

jeonghan didnt resign on his job,, but the girls just stopped showing up in the shop and he is more than glad

you’d still visit him, and he’d still give you a latte art

esp when you’re not feeling very well, he’d make a heart design for you

jeonghan just loves you so much

when you couldnt visit him, the two of you would just meet by the nearest park and you’d have your time together there

when he’s not working, you’d go into park adventures with ofc, a cup of coffee

bc jeonghan, parks, and a cup of coffee are your love :’)

maybe you love jeonghan a lil more hehe

and he does the same to you

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 5 years

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Because I’m selfish could you do a shipping me with members thing? I’m short, half Greek and Scottish but raised in Australia (yes, I do have an accent) I have really long brown hair and hazel eyes, and I play bass and sing. I love to read and write, and I almost always have headphones on and music blasting. I also am a drama student and I love to act. Thank you so much xxxxx Love your blog btw.

hi! don’t feel selfish for this, i’mma keep it real with you pal - i have asked for several ships before nO SHAME

anyways, in relation to BoRhap - I ship you with Gwilym!!! At first I was going to say Joe, but I think I see you meshing with Gwilym really well:

When Gwilym got cast as Brian in BoRhap, you were the first one he called. First, to break the news. Second, to ask you for a little help brushing up on his skills. He knew you played bass, and it wasn’t exactly lead guitar, but he still wanted to know all of your little tips and pointers in case there was something he could use when he finally met Brian.

In fact, he came over the next day with his guitar, already ready to learn. You were happy to oblige, but you admitted to him early on that you didn’t exactly know how well you’d be able to translate your bass-centered ideas to the guitar.

“What’s different about the two?” he’d asked, seated across from you and leaning forward over his guitar, genuinely interested in what you had to say. He considered you a great mind on the subject.

“Well, the mechanics are similar, you know, as far as that goes, but the fingerings aren’t going to be the same…” you rambled on for a minute, Gwil transfixed by everything you were saying.

After you were done speaking, he’d grinned at you proudly. “You’re brilliant, love.”

He calls you brilliant a lot, actually. It’s his favorite thing to say to you, because of the way your eyes light up when he says it. They are already brimming with all kinds of energy, but after he calls you brilliant - that’s when he’s the most captivated.

You heard that word - brilliant - coming out of his mouth the most often when he was reading over your latest writing, no matter what style it was. Poetry, prose, he loved it all.

“Can I keep this one?” he’d asked one time, holding up a piece of prose you’d written specifically about him. You grinned and took it back from him, looking over it for a moment.

“What’s so special about this one?” you’d asked as you sat back on the bed, preferring the poem you’d written about him a few months ago much more than this piece. But boy, did he have an answer for you. In fact, you’d never heard someone speak as passionately about something as Gwil would once he got going.

He stood up and gave you a 10 minute speech about why he thought you should let him keep that short story, introduction, body, and conclusion to the speech all included.

“So, can I?” he’d asked after a moment of you sitting there, dumbfounded. He gave you a toothy smile as he sat back down next to you.

“You were definitely born to be an actor,” you mumbled, handing the prose to him and shaking your head in disbelief at how much he’d fought for those two pages of writing. That’d gotten a chuckle out of him, and he peppered the side of your face with kisses before happily taking the story back.

Speaking of acting, Gwil LOVED coming to your performances. He took a whole week off of filming once just so he could see every night of your theater company’s Anything Goes.

He’d posted a big long paragraph about your performance after opening night, telling all of his loyal followers how brilliant you had been, and how proud he was of you. And, of course, he’d put some sentences in there about how much he loved you and loved going on this journey with you.

And then Joe commented “-Bri” just to make fun of how eerily alike Gwil was to his elder double. Classic Joe.

Now, if we’re talking Queen, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really think I ship you with Roger - HEAR ME OUT, I have some (probably weak) reasons:

The reason I think you’d caught Roger’s eye before any of the other boys is because of your accent - he’d latched onto it almost immediately after hearing you speaking to Deacon, who had hired you as a bass tech. You were both eagerly discussing some kind of system that Roger hadn’t a clue about, but your voice was like a drug to him.

He’d made a point of inserting himself into the conversation, introducing himself and chastising John a bit.

“How come I haven’t met your friend here sooner?” Roger scolded John playfully, John just laughing and shaking his head.

“This is Y/N, she’s my new tech. I figured I’d introduce her to the most sane members of the band first, but first I have to figure out who those are.”

You’d laughed at that, particularly because of the mock hurt on Roger’s face before he’d reached out to shake your hand, you introducing yourself this time.

“That accent,” he’d had to point out, letting go of your hand, “Where is it from?”

“Australia. What about yours?” you’d countered, noticing a bit of a different lilt to his words than John’s.

Roger scoffed at that, shrugging. “Cornwall. Exciting stuff, eh?”

After that day, he’d always find reasons to come and talk to you, sometimes the reason being no better than him wanting to hear your accent.

The day Roger realized he actually might fancy you was when he’d noticed you writing on one of the off days and asked to see a sneak peek of what you were doing. Roger loved writing songs, and wondered if you had any good material.

You did. In fact, he was thoroughly impressed by your work, and spent the rest of the day work-shopping with you, which spilled over into a late night coffee run before it was time to go hop on the bus to head to the next tour stop.

You were in the coffee shop, talking about what Queen had coming up after this tour, when Roger had redirected the conversation.

“You know, I’ve never asked, what did you study back home?” he’d inquired, curious to see what kind of person you were. He’d pegged you as some sort of major similar to John based on your identical knowledge of his bass, so he was pleasantly surprised when you revealed that you were a drama student. “An actor, huh? That must be why you’re so seemingly interested in all of Brian’s stories. God, explains so much now.”

You had to laugh at that, shaking your head. “No, no, Brian actually has some good stories and knows how to tell them. Now you, on the other hand…” you’d trailed off, Roger recoiling in slight insult at what you’d suggested.

Someone who could keep up with his humor and insult him while they were at it? You were growing on him quickly.

One thing he always really enjoyed doing once you grew more comfortable around him was (carefully) taking your headphones and listening to a little bit of whatever you were currently listening to.

At first, it annoyed you a bit, but when you realized he was genuinely wanting to pick up on some of your music taste, you allowed it to happen with little to no issue.

Also, he’d started slipping you song recommendations on tapes of his, labeling them cute things and drawing little smiley faces on them. Though it was difficult to understand his scrawlings sometimes, you cherished those tapes.

While we’re talking about songs, Roger liked to hear you sing. One time, you were trying to explain a part of the song where you thought Deacon wasn’t getting a good sound out of his bass to another tech, and you started singing the chorus part where it started sounding off.

Roger was, for lack of better words, shook.

Like, he loved your voice.

So, clever little gentleman he is, he found a way to start getting you to sing around him more by pretending to hear issues with the bass in the songs they’d play during their sets.

“It was like, it was muted during the last part of the second chorus, you know?” he’d said one time, working his way into it nonchalantly. “Like, the part where, you know, Fred goes, ‘and I love the things…’“ he’d trailed off, pretending not to remember the next part.

You thought for a moment, then you sang in a soft voice just to clarify. “And I love the things, I really love the things that you do, oh, you’re my best friend? That part?”

“Yeah, yeah!” he’d say, smiling and pointing at you like you were a genius for remembering the simplest lyrics in the whole set.

You caught on after a few times of false alarms from him, but you let him keep believing that he had you right where he wanted you. It was honestly really cute that he’d go through so much work to hear you sing, even if he didn’t necessarily need to try that hard.

(But don’t tell him that, for God’s sake.)

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obsidianarchives · 5 years

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Ashley Romans

Ashley Romans started her formal acting training at Pace University School of Performing Arts. She moved to Los Angeles immediately after graduating in 2015. Los Angeles theater credits include: Celebration's Charm (Beta), Rotterdam (StageRaw and LADCC award recipients). Film/Television credits include: "I'm Dying Up Here" and "Shameless" (Showtime), "Are You Sleeping?" (Apple TV), "Hermione Granger and the Quarter Life Crisis" (Sunshine Moxie), "NOS4A2" (AMC new series).

Black Girls Create: What do you create?

I’m an actor. I create by acting. Collaborating with writers, directors, designers, and visionaries in whichever medium possible to hopefully create an honest reflection of a being’s life experience.

BGC: How do I create?

I suppose my entire creative process begins with healthy self trickery. Not quite deception but more healthy, playful, self manipulation. Naturally as creators we have a way of resisting and fearing whatever it is we most want to bring about into the world. Similar to a mother’s fear of giving birth or raising a child, we think “what if the world doesn’t receive my creation well? What if people are mean? What if it’s not healthy or ready?” I often find myself trying to bribe or trick my way out of this fear. I trick myself into going into my next audition as confidently as I can, or preparing for that day on set when I really don’t want to, or finding some connection with a character trait I find reprehensible.

I also think it is very important to stay relaxed and loose so one can reach a playful and spiritual place of creativity. So I try and keep myself healthy; mentally, spiritually, and physically by reading, eating healthy, journaling, praying, meditating, and exercising.

BGC: How did you get into acting?

I would say my professional pursuit officially began when I went to study theater at Pace University in New York City for my undergraduate degree, but for as long as I can remember I always had an interest in acting. I loved watching ‘90s action/drama movies with my father and “I Love Lucy” reruns with my mother as a child at all hours of the day. I became even more interested in theater and performance through high school choir, joining community summer camps, and doing the spring high school musical.

Even as an adolescent I felt it was best to keep my professional aspirations to myself in fear of naysayers. In retrospect, I understand now that high school is a time a lot of young people are dealing with self doubt and insecurity. Considering that I was far from the funniest, smartest, or most talented individual in the theater department, I, unconsciously, kept my performing ambitions quiet even from the people closest to me because I didn’t want to risk someone rubbing their self doubt on me. I worked up the courage to audition for a couple of acting schools but I told no one except my acting teacher Douglas Hooper and a few very close mates.

I still abide by this privacy philosophy even now and it hasn’t steered me wrong to this day. I still feel that speaking one’s dreams and aspirations among chaotic or unsupportive energy environment would most likely dissipate or poison their own source.

Eventually after graduating from Pace University through a couple months of tumbling I landed representation for acting with a management company and I moved out to Los Angeles. I’ve been able to land some great acting opportunities and gain a supportive team of people and I could not be more grateful.

BGC: What has been your favorite role so far?

I have so many favorites. The roles that stand out to me as my favorite are the ones that have most challenged me and allowed me to explore a different aspect of life, and explore and connect to the full range of the human experience. I’ve received some of my most valuable acting lessons in various roles in the theater. I played Inez, a red dressed-vixen-leading lady with a passionate, deep-seeded hatred for her ex-husband in Stephen Adly Guirgis’ Our Lady of 121st. Two years ago I played Beta, a young teenage gang affiliated boy in Chicago with a secret in Phillip Dawkins’s play Charm at Celebration Theater. This coming March I will be part of the Kirk Douglas’s production Rotterdam by Jon Brittain. Set in the Netherlands, I will play Fiona/Adrian, one half of a modern London couple who decides to make a huge change in their life. My experience acting in these productions specifically has been positively nurturing. Throughout our rehearsal process, I learned what it means to be not just a more nuanced and skilled actor but also a more supportive and capable teammate in the creative process.

In terms of film/television world, my work as Hermione Granger in Sunshine Moxie’s Hermione Granger and the Quarter Life Crisis remains my greatest acting lesson in the film/television/on-camera discipline. Eliyannah Yisrael, Megan Grogan, Alice Pierce, other writers and producers leveled up my game up. I’ve never before been number one on the call sheet and I’m not sure if I ever will again, but having that responsibility was so enlightening. It was also an invaluable learning experience getting to work with those amazing creators and seeing those women just get shit done. It was truly an honor being chosen to play such an important and monumental literary character in this version. I remember reading the Harry Potter series as a little girl in London and thinking how much I wanted to be part of and live in that magical world. Playing Hermione in the HGQLC series was by far the best artistic adventure I’ve ever had. Exploring moments, scenes and how far we can bring characters all felt like adventures. Even our trip to Dublin, Ireland this past year felt like one big adventure. I’ll be forever grateful for that experience.

BGC: Why do you create?

I enjoy acting because I love being seen and getting to disappear. It’s a paradox but it’s my truth. I enjoy exploring the range of human experience. I love that I get to feel connected to people in the safe incubator that is pretend. I love that I get to feel and say all the things I’m afraid to feel and say in my real life. I still never get bored of going to the theater, movie or stage, sitting in a dark room with other people and watching performers simply tell us a story. I hope to serve God and the people around me through my creativity and acting. I always hope to truthfully represent a human experience no matter how high or low the stakes it might seem to us at first. Losing your phone and frantically trying to find it can be as exciting and dramatic a story as losing one’s job or finding out your spouse is unfaithful. It’s all in the storytelling and truthfulness of the moment and I love as an actor I get to explore that.

BGC: Who do you hope to reach through your work?

Honestly, the most important people I aim to ultimately reach and impress are my nieces and nephews. Yes the public, my agents, and producers are all important but I feel as though they are a means to an end. Right now my oldest niece is 10 years old and she loves the Hermione series and is always pretty excited to see me act on TV. At the moment she still thinks I’m pretty cool and I hope to keep it that way.

If this was a decade ago and you asked 16-year-old Ashley the same question I probably would have said something like “I want to be a voice for the voiceless and the underrepresented… blah blah blah.” Truthfully, I don’t think I ever really knew what that meant. I mean, I knew what it meant on a superficial-runner-up-in-Beauty-Pageant kind of level but now that answer doesn’t resonate with me as the gutter truth. Whenever I’m working on scripts, deciding on content to create or post etc, I ask myself “Is this something I would be proud to let my niece see? Is this the kind of work that can help make the world even the tiniest bit better for her?” Eventually, she’s going to grow up and have a voice in this world and I hope that her seeing me embrace mine will give her the courage to embrace hers. My nieces and nephews and all the children like them are who I hope to reach.

I really love seeing how the world is changing now. Representation in the media was so limited even 10 years ago but now it’s getting more and more beautiful by the day. With so many platforms, works such as Pose, Glow, Fresh Off the Boat, Chewing Gum, Masters of None, Eighth Grade, and more, so many beings who have been underrepresented for years are getting a chance to reach their audiences and tell their stories. And we all get to identify and see ourselves in each other. I don’t have to reach out and save the world because it kind of starts with myself and our own backyard.

BGC: Who or what inspires you to keep creating?

Oh geez, that’s a loaded question. My peers are my first and foremost inspiration and motivation. Again Eliyannah Yisrael, Megan Grogan, Alice Pearce, Jessica Jenks. It’s remarkable to watch those ladies do what they do. I love being in acting class and witnessing breakthroughs or being in a really great rehearsal with a cast mate. That’s always promising when you get to be part of the creation of something honest and true. Even if it is just a great moment in a scene. Actors who inspire me are endless. Octavia Spencer is a fantastic actress and creator who I adore. I had the blessing of working with her once and she’s an even better human. Lovely doesn’t do her justice. I love watching Regina King. There’s a great example of an honest to God creator and storyteller. She’s accomplished so much in acting, directing, writing, and producing. That’s also how I feel about Shonda Rhimes, Boots Riley, Jim Carrey, Maggie Gyllenhaal. There are many more. I’m sure as soon as you publish this interview I’m going to think of more.

BGC: Why is it important as a Black person to create?

As Black people, we have such a specific and loaded way we walk through the world. The Hermione Series has such a beautiful tag line. It says “HGQLC - Write Your Own Ending.” I’ve always loved that because it gives power to the subject. As Black people it is our responsibility to take control of our story the best way we can. We must feed our communities the best and most honest images of ourselves to ourselves because images and representation matters. In the area of cinema, for years non-Black people have told their version of the Black experience and it has left us misrepresented.

BGC: How do you balance creating with the rest of your life?

It’s always a struggle to keep a balanced life. I have a tendency to obsess and quickly lose perspective but when I want to regain balance I plan my day to make sure I get everything I need in. Luckily for me in my particular art form, acting is about living so I know I can’t be a good actor if I’m not allowing myself to experience life and fun.

BGC: Have you been able to build a support system around yourself? What does that look like?

I feel so grateful for my support system. I have amazing representation, an amazing day job with super awesome and motivating coworkers who are actively pursuing their life goals. I also have super supportive family and friends who tell me they’re proud of me just for being myself. My sister is also a great support system, someone I can speak and think out loud with no fear of judgment. I could not be any luckier.

BGC: Any advice for young creators/ones just starting?

It takes 10,000 hours to be a professional at anything. So just put in the hours, however that may look. Either do it, read about it, watch a YouTube video on it, whatever you have to do to learn about your craft and get better.

BGC: Any future projects?

I’m going to be doing a remounting of the stage production Rotterdam at the historic Kirk Douglas Theater in Culver City. It’s a short run, performances run from March 28 - April 7th, but it’s such a blessing to revisit this work with such a remarkable group of people. It’s a super funny and insightful play about gender and love.

In the television world I just finished wrapping a new AMC series starring Zachary Quinto and Ashleigh Cummings called NOS4A2. I don’t know the exact date it is to be released but it’s happening soon. The series is based of the hit novel by Joe Hill and it centers around a teenager (Cummings) who uses supernatural abilities to track down the seemingly immortal Charlie Manx (Quinto), who steals children and deposits them in “Christmasland.” I play a Detective Tabitha Hutter trying to suss out the truth. This series has supernatural fantasy, horror, action/adventure, procedural, and family drama. Everything you want to see.

#actress #Harry Potter #theater #actor #New York City #London #Los Angeles #Black Woman Creator #create

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Ohhh fuckin geez at least let me has a pikachu

Today's update: still feeling all fucked up from Everything Happening At Once, also getting a migraine from all the stress the other day and how i basically didnt sleep for two days and then passed out today and lost the entire 24 hours. Like man i cant even say the family shit was yesterday?? It just feels that way cos i spent all of today either sleeping, crying or crying on the phone to the bank and the stupid online game store that took my money for pokemon preorder yet didnt send me the actual game. GAHHHH and ive forgotten to Eat Food for like the whole three days all this shit has been going down, aside from a handful of Starburst candy my sis gave me during our Big Awkward Moment. And the energy drink i chugged on the way there to meet her because Fuck I Need Awakeness To Comprehend This Shit. I think my stomach is exploding in on itself.

Anyway! ANYWAY!! Gahhh! Anyway!

Thank you mega fuckin big much to the friends who leant me money AGAIN, both to catch the midnight bus to meet a long lost sibling and also to fix this stupid game preorder bollocks. God what the fuck is up with my life? I feel so guilty asking for money and man you guys have leant me like 300 in the last 3 months! Fuck i hope this stupid cavalcade of finance problems stops soon and i can start paying you all back because JESUS CHRIST. I feel like my skin is melting off my bones whenever i think about how much i dont deserve such great friends! 'welp yeah theyre wonderful people, guess i lost an arm' You ever wanna cringe yourself into a little ball from embarassment? Yeah like that but so much that i disintegrate into atoms.

SO I HOPE! FOR FUCKIN GODS SAKE! That this stolen money zero game bullshit gets resolved soon. But there's no chance of it taking less than a week, so thank you SO MUCH for helping me place another preorder at a different more reliable shop! This is what i get for fuckin going bargain hunting aaa. I ordered pikachu version just in case the original order does somehow turn up, cos it was eevee version. But i got none of the preorder bonuses anymore and no pokeball controller on this. I guess maybe itll make my second playthru more fun if i can finally use the damn controller, haha! And this second copy is probably gonna arrive quite late now cos i missed the preorder window. But it should be either on saturday or monday which is way better than waiting a month or something chasing up this bullshit! And hopefully also in a week or two i will get the money back from selling alll those preowned games, and it can go towards A: GROCERIES and B: repaying bebst friends of reckless money giving. You guys are fuckin nuts, seriously!! And man god i hate that im still suffering this knock-on effect tight finances bullshit from the stupid mental hospital thing 3 months ago. I mean i failed to even last a month there and its cost me almost a thousand pounds in terms of stocking up the stuff to be able to move house temporarily, all the mobile data i had to use while being without internet while i was there, all the miscellaneous expenses along the way, and then all the bill debt and having to restock tolietries and groceries and everyries when i got back home. Sighhh! And i feel guilty that i bought a stupid warhammer starter kit around halloween and i still havent even opened it because The Guilt. Like man i should have somehow predicted there would be more money trouble and saved that money rather than make a selfish purchase. But like it was the cheapest beginners kit anyway and i even haggled a discount for getting the figures without the paint. And now im being selfish and getting this pokemon game!! Twice!! Because stupid fuckin online banking nonsense!! Godddd give me back my money so i can give it to my friendsssss

So yeah in summary Bunni Feel Bad and also Overwhelmed and also Bad. But hopefully stuff is sorted now. Gah!

Also probably will be some delay on doing a lets play of this new pokemon cos i dunno when its gonna arrive and also i feel Big Sick now and need to chug a paracetamol and eat a loaf of bread before i die. Hope i dont spend all weekend just passed out on the sofa from Too Much Braining In One Day. Srsly why did this all happen all at once...

Also i probably wont go with the idea of twin protagonists headcanon for this LP, cos the whole Untimely Lost Sibling Madness kinda made that a sore spot to think about. One good side of getting the version i didnt want is that i can pick the female protagonist if i get pikachu version, and go with the personality i was gonna use for the female sibling. Cos actually it seems that your rival dude's perosnality is kinda simular to what i was gonna do for the male sibling? Could just have that sort of relationshup as a best buddies thing. And playing as a sassy roughhousing jock girl protag is gonna be more fun than playing The Nice And Shy Dude which is basically what i always do in every game cos its just me??? Would get more fun character lets player contrast with protagonist Darcy.

Also fuck i am gonna have SO MUCH to talk about in this first episode! Watchers who dont follow me on tumblr are gonna be so confused. "Hey youtube i just got out of mental hospital and found my long lost sister who thought i was dead, anyway never mind that lets talk about pokemon! I was gonna say i dont have any baby pictures of me when the original Pokemon Yellow came out, but here's the one i found on a facebook obituary for myself yesterday..."

What the fuck is my life, seriously?

Also if my starter ends up being a male pikachu im gonna name it Chuppy after my original one in pokemon yellow. And if its a girl i'll call it Ghostwriter after my mimikyu and pretend that its a mimikyu that just has an extra high quality disguise. Seriously, picturing all of these cute antics and tiny costumes on mimikyu makes it all even sweeter to me! I love ghosties!!

LOL I JUST REALIZED MAYBE IM A GHOST TRAINER COS I WAS "DEAD" ALL THESE YEARS AND DIDNT KNOW IT

Seriously man if there are any parents out there reading this, dont fuckin lie to your 4 year old that her sibling is dead just because the dad divorced you. There are no words for how fucked up this is. Except 'oh i guess thats why my favourite digimon frontier character is duskmon'. I fuckin thought that plot was unrealistic when i first watched it! XD actually i think duskmon is straight up my favourite digimon design and the one i'd probably pick as my partner, even though i prefer Impmon's plot from the third season. I kinda wanna go make a fanmade full evolution line for Duskmon now?? Man why am i getting so wildly off topic!

I really need to eat a food and sleep a sleep

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risaomine · 2 years

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dyingxdream

January 25 2008, 12:55

Background of the person I am today

I've had a total of 4 relationships my entire life. The first infatuation was when I was a freshmen in high school. Needless to say, it didn't work out and I eventually got over him. I talk to this guy on ocassion, and there's always going to be that "almost could have happened" deal but he was the one who taught me that giving somebody all you have, and investing time, energy, money, etc, can sometimes all be for nothing. I dont hold a grudge against him, because if I wanted to be let down easy by any guy, it would be by him. He was a sweet guy, and I still think about him, not in the "I want to date him" way but when I'm remembering days long gone.

My first real relationship was the summer going into my junior year. Yea I was never big on having a new boyfriend every week to feel accomplished because I was active in high school so I didnt need any further distractions. Well had dated over 7 months. We talked marriage, and attending college together. We didnt have the same future goals though; he wanted to live on a ranch, I wanted to eventually live in the big city. He was overly jealous, and a bit conceited, but I still fell for his school boy charm, and quick wit. Our eight month anniversary was going to be on Valentines day. He broke it off six days before and I was heartbroken. I lost all my dignity trying to persuade him to take me back. I'll admit I acted like a damn fool. We met up to "talk" on valentines day, and we were really close to getting back together but he changed his mind and so we played the game of cat and mouse again. I wrote him a ridiculous love note, which he of course, shared with his closest friends. I then became depressed, and stopped eating. I almost fainted from being so weak at times, my grades dropped, teachers noticed a change in my behaviour, and I became obsessed with death. I would take triple the recommended dosage for more than one type of OTC drug, and I started cutting to let my emotions out physically rather than emotionally. I felt alone, used, and stupid. I should have learned my lesson the first time. I had very supportive friends then, and they understood that a quick trip to starbucks or a shopping spree just wouldnt cut it.

One thing I didnt mention yet was, the night my boyfriend had broken up with me, I was over at a friends house spending the night. I thought it would just be a normal girls night in, but after being dumped and publically screaming "what the fuck, why are you doing this to me?" for everyone in her neighborhood to hear, we just went back to her house. I cried for a while, then wiped my tears away and pretended to be fine. Her boyfriend of a year came over that night. It started out innocently enough. Her dad wasn't home, because he was in the military and called away to duty so she had the house to herself most of the time, and her mother had left her father a few years ago so she basically had to grow up fast. The boyfriend had an idea that a threesome would be great. I didn't feel comfortable about the situaton, but he was a cocky dickhead who said "I bet you wouldnt do it anyways." Stupidity and my competitive side took over, so I kissed her, and that was that. That was the first and I hoped the last time I'd make out with a girl. (Nothing wrong with being bi-sexual or lesbian, but subjecting someone to like a certain gender isnt right. For me, kissing a girl is wrong. For the next girl, it might be right.)

Well, the night didnt get hot and heavy like most threesomes but I left feeling easy, and trashy. I cared for my friend but I never wanted to interact with her boyfriend again. I avoided spending the night at her house for four months. Then one night, I had planned on spending the night at my other friends house, but she had a curfew so we met up with my friend and her sisters friends planning a crazy night. Some guys had been invited over to their house, since her dad was out of town yet again, so I knew there wasnt a chance that her boyfriend would there since he was the very jealous type. Well eventually the guys left, my friend fell asleep, and I ended up on the living room couch watching a movie. I recieved a text from my friend but it wasnt a usual message. It was from her phone but her boyfriend had written it. He told me to go to her room so we could have another go at it. I told him I was watching a movie. He was persistent but I held my ground. He then did something that suprised and intimidated me. He came out, turned off the dvd and pushed me into her room. At first I sat on the other side of the room, he was trying to butter me up telling me I could come closer. I kept my distance then he got up and made me go on the floor. I was still across the room and didnt budge, then he brought blankets down to the floor and thats when I knew I was in trouble. In all the commotion my friend (the one who I was going to originally spend the night at) woke up and came into the room. It was dark, and she was groggy. She asked what they were doing, and why I was in there. I wanted to tell her to turn on the light, grab me, and leave ASAP. Unfortunately my friends boyfriend yelled "get the fuck outta here" and locked the door behind her. Escape at that point was futile. He had managed to get in between me and the door so I was trapped now. He told me to kiss my friend. (I knew he had an abusive past, and when he didnt get his way things could become scary.) So I listened. Once again, it was all wrong. All the emotions pent up from the past year; the anger, frustration, betrayal, disappointment, and hatred were the only emotions that coursed through my veins. I felt like a whore, what's worse I was more his whore, I was no longer myself. Now some people might say, you could have slapped him, left the room, and called it a night, but there was much more psychological damage that had been done.

Some people might also say, it was just a kiss.. but that kiss represented the breakdown of the person I had worked my whole life to be. I was a strong, independant, no nonsense, self respecting high school student, who now cowered in silence and hated who I had become. Last time I got off on just kissing my friend, but this time he wanted more. He wanted to go all the way. My friend had lost her virginity over a year ago, I had never lost mine. I only had a body, but no heart, no soul, and no voice to call my own. He started to undo my pants, this was the most humiliating moment I had experienced. He started to pull them down. He only had his boxers on, and my friend only had her bra on. There were street lights outside, but my world came crashing down and everything was dark. He knew I was still a virgin. He wanted to go in but I gathered enough courage to tell him no. He tried to kiss me, I wouldnt let him. He was my friends boyfriend, and even if she was in the room I'd call that cheating. My friend had been on the bottom, I had been on top of her, and he was on top of me. He gave up on trying to put it in, and directed me to lay down beside her. He started to try and kiss me again, but he only got my cheek because I would turn away. He started to finger my friend, then he started to finger me. I won't forget the pain that shot through my body. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This guy wasn't my boyfriend, he wasnt my friend, and he was hurting me. His breathing started to get heavy and ragged, she started to moan..all I could do was to try and not think about what was happening. He went in his boxers, and his breathing went back to normal. He said, "You liked that didn't you?" I wanted to scream no you stupid bastard," but I remained quiet. He got up and I looked for my pants that had been strewn across the floor. I quickly put them on and left the room. It hurt to walk, it hurt to think, so I did the only thing I could, I slept. It wasnt a fitful easy sleep, my brain was still awake to listen for any audible noises coming from the other room. I didn't want to face my friend or her boyfriend.

Before all the other people in the house started to wake up, I shook my friend awake, and told her we needed to leave. She looked at me sleepily and we got all our things, and left the house quietly. We had told her mom the night before that we were spending the night at my house, so we couldnt go back to her place this early, so we settled for the shopping mall across the street. As we were coming close to the entrance, I sat down. I winced in pain because it still hurt. She wondered what was wrong. At that point, I broke down. My friend knew something was wrong because I never cry. Finally, after gaining some composure, I told her about the night when my boyfriend had broken up with me, and that first time with my friend and her boyfriend. Then I told her about what had happened last night. Profanity and disgust rang loud and clear. She put two and two together realizing that she was so close to being my saviour the night before. She wanted to go back in time, and tell my friends boyfriend to "fuck himself" and promptly leave the house. I know it wasn't her fault, I know we couldn't go back in time, and save my decency. All the shops were still closed because it was still early, so we settled for a 24 hr convienance store where we bought cheap alchol to numb the pain. My friend did what was probably the best thing any friend could do which was listen. She realized why I had put so many emotional barriers up. This was the real me, broken, lost, hurt, alone, and only a fraction of the strong, confident, outspoken person I had been only a year ago, or was percieved by others. Only a few people know about this story, I hardly let people in because one way or another people have this tendency to leave. If a person has no dependance on anyone else, they dont gain anything, but if a person does depend solely on other people, then they lose everything. That's the truth about life.

To this day, I rarely go back to that dark place. I try to put it in the back of my mind, where my deepest darkest secrets and insecurities lie. This is the horrendous ugly part of me I don't want anyone to see. I honestly don't blame my friend for what happened. If only I had spoken up, maybe all this could have been prevented. He was abusive and intimidating so she feared him. I am no better than she is because I too, didn't stand up for myself. I know that there have been countless other women with horrible stories, and mine was only a mere taste of how bad it can get..but this is my story, my regret, my pain, my disappointment, and my burden to carry for the rest of my life. That teenage girl who couldn't stand up for herself four years ago has become someone who won't let any man walk over her. My past makes me into the person you see today.

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moomoof · 6 years

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Stop it.

I was friends with this person for almost 2 years and it the last few months it turned into a toxic relationship.

We used to do hangouts and talk about issues we cared about on his channel but i found myself not being comfortable with some of the topics

but if i ever voiced i didn’t want to do the show he would keep pushing the issue and i was weak to put a stop to it.

That’s not to say i didn’t enjoy the shows cause i did buti didn’t want ot do them all the time .

The problems started with our view points really

I personally feel like he hid his real views out of fear of being abandoned or maybe he just posed as a liberal to ge friends who knows this is all speculation on my part after thoughts .

This post is just to let out all my angst and frustration.

I didn’t handle the last encounter withh im well i should’ve just said what i wanted and left i hoped he would understand but what scared me was his reactions again i wanted out of his show at least for a little bit

i would suggest he find other ppl he would pick up on the hints ...

i was going though a rough patch with my health and i had no energy what’s so ever i didn’t want to disappoint him so

..i told him straight up i couldn’t do it to get our mutual friend and o it with him he seemed annoyed at least in text

i didn’t speak with him directly then i saw the show live with our friend and ..

his reaction to my illness was annoyance he was like she’s off ill or

whatever the hell hshe has with the biggest eye rool i ever seen

...and then even if i told him multiple times

i was ill i did'nt want to talk he tried to force me by calling my hangout

...and he was rude to our friend cause i suspect he was jealous of our friend or annoyed

that our friend was trying out his own show i don’t think my friend picked up on this

He lied about how his old friends broke up with him

Of course i believed him ....well actually no for a while now i wasn't believing him cause he lied or omitted things i found them out on my own.

That's the heart of the issue it was a slow crawl but i woke up and wasn't going to be used by him.

Like i was saying i was sick he didn't care i told him i can really do this show cause i have things to do or i honestly didn't want to i told him that once but... a disturbing patterned emerged with him. No matter what i said or did he would act like i didn't say it and want his way. In the long run i got anxious around him any time i had an opinion he will shoot it down i couldn't express myself on my twitter feed without him screaming at me and somehow making me feel dumb.

I told him on many occasions i was emotionally abused and physically abused nothing. He of course said he was there for me to chat but i don't like talking about that stuff to ppl. But i suspect it was an empty gesture put there to pretend to be a good friend but in the end he wanted just a person to speak to cause he had issues but also he would use those issues against you. one year ago he said something awful or something like that and i disagreed true i got heated he screamed when that didn't work then he play oop i'm anxious card that then played with others and me for ever more.

He had to be right all the time. He had that stupid internet idea that if you don't have evidence of what you are speaking then you are wrong! or shut up even tho i never really went to his feed after a while cause i was tired of arguing.

He enjoyed arguing.

Then the big event that woke me up.

We were arguing about jill stien or third party voters actually i was talking about it on my feed and he shoved his opinion in my face....

yelled at me then i tried to be funny and say get with the program! with the clapping emojis

He flipped a switch and said i was stupid by saying oh you think i'm dumb? really? ok then your writing skills are mediocre at best or worse actually. (yes i am aware my writing is terrible) but a personal attack like that for no reason hit me hard.

He just...went to that , that's what he thought about me ...i suposedly let go but it churned for days i have very low selfesteem it took me years to get out of a dark head space. He knocked me down. He hates everything i am cause i do agree with him. That was my head space the next few days i wrote warnings but didn't name him. 3 changes and then i block you don't care you are my friend if you hurt me and put me in a dark space i am cutting you off. He got weirder with me hostile almost after then we butted heads and we airred things but i somehow had an inkling it wasn't safe to talk in the dms i talked in public ...it was weird i suggested we should take a break i wanted it so badly....he said no... and i caved and went back to the same shit different day. Then the last draw happened

I hate susan sarandon's white feminism i fucking hate it i hate her i hate that she cares three fucks about what she created

He has this weird white knighty behavior that he will attack you for talking shit about his favorite ppl.

He also probably felt personally attacked he thinks i somehow am talking about him all time.

We got heated i was already tired of his shit i started to withdraw from our supposed friendship. Then he did it...he attacked my identiy aka my puerto rican ness and added hillary to it he later deleted it. So he can claim he didn't know what he did to cause my silence but more on that later. He knew that after Maria the hurricane i lost family i wasn't connected to the for weeks i had to worry aobut their well being for months without being able to do nothing ...i was a wreck for months he knew i told him, it was on his show too ( he since deleted all of them GOOD!) I did not deserve this more over i had a very hard anniversary coming up as well not to mention it was september ( still is) i lost my cousin and everythign that i knew as my world this month and it was Maria's anniversary. He just threw it in my fave he used my pain to win a stupid internet argument. I decided to ignore him for a week or so until i can figure out what to do with him, talk to him again, stop talking to him so often but still be friends or completely run away in fear.

I could not speak to him it hurt it really hurt he used my pain against me i could not trust him....and the silent treatment happened.

The next day he acted like nothing happened and asked me if i was ready to talk about gay muppets like nothing happened ( the whole bert and ernie incident) that scared me ....he acted like everything was ok ...it wasn't it could be clear for anyone that it wasn't...

i muted his feed and muted him but twitter doesn't understand that maybe ppl want not to get notification from a follower or person you are following for a bit...

He kept liking my stuff in the hopes i would be happy? this is speculation on my part...

He commented on my posts to see if i would bite.

i ignored him hoping he would get it i muted hangouts cause i feared he might call

i had growing fear my heart would race thinking he was there replying liking and dming me...

This might sound dumb but ...it isn't it is harassment...

His former friends mentioned this he would use his second account to spy on them months after the fact they blocked and left him behind..that should've warned me.

He would mention them a lot. Like i said earlier i believed them but i didnt let on to him that i suspected something happened...at first i thought well they should've told him why and then block him and during the a conversation he did something and they didn't likee it's normal ...let it go ..in my head... i nodged him to write it out and let it go in a nicer way.

But he was controlling i saw it when he hated when friends posted somethign he would scream about it...

They mentioned that they felt free from his smug behavior that he would not value their opionions and then later one of his ex friends said it wasn't the change the channel movement but the how he held certain views on gamer gate..when i voiced my own he screamed at me cause he felt like he knew better and how dare you think otherwise!

He would go into these rage fits over this topic, if you didn't agree with him , eye roll

condescenion and disdain. This was the topic which lied about and the ppl he lied about or omitted it cause if he didn't he could push his narrative which was that gamer gate was a good movement ...by ignoring all the misogyny and abusive behavior cause he hated ppl on the attacked side. He hated that todd in the shadows blocked him for saying awful things about his friend. He kept on and on about that...like it was a bad thing...

He believed a group of rapey men that wanted a transgender woman to die and claimed she raped her sister... i will not go further into this.

I put my feelings on that forward he would probably be annoyed in his head about it..whatever.

He hated lindsay ellis cause she liked the tweet that told him off for harassing todd and his friend..

Sorry to his ex friends for my words about them cause i believed him for the most part and i did care about him i wanted ot make him feel better.

i was wrong i fed a monster.

I wanted a week of peace away from him ...didn't happen he kept on and kept on ...he even got our mutual friend involved and lied .... he lied he said to him oh she's angry at me cause i don't know i did something wrong i am worried about her ...she's sad about stuff and the world is a bad place blah blah making me sound like the problem...

remember our mutual friend can't really pick up on these things

He asked i just told him not to be dragged into this cause i was pissed off

then i said it was nothing i was fine. and i moved on and ignored him some more...

He kept going ...

Then finally he did th final final thing and made up my mind for me.

He tried to guilt trip me into being his friend again or even to talk to him it scared me ...i blocked him completely on everything

he said you are hurting...me

me?! i hurt him what? he hurt me he didn't care and he dares to accuse me of something i never did so he can look like victim yet again!

That pissed the shit outta me i got tired of his toxic domineering personality

He wanted to control you by making you feel bad about challeging him on his views about having my own views for breathing for not wanting to do the thing he wanted on the day he wanted ...

him not caring about my illness really hurt me... he hurt me and i still have the anxeity and have it in my head his words ....i want it gone...so i wrote this to stop it!

He was not worth it...he's a bad person toxic it's not your fault...

I reached out to one of his ex friends i needed reasurance ...i needed to know i wasn't crazy and seeing something that wasn't there ....now its over i want never to ever see him or talk to him again.

I recount times were he said awful things like ugh when my face showed up on the hangouts ...like my face is ugly...

i took pictures he would say geez or something like that ignored it..

he laughed at my lack of furniture or equipment..to do audio work...

He even got super hostile with me when our mutual was with us...cause i didn't agree with him ...

I wrote a memorial for my cousin and he sullied it by commenting on it moments after he hurt me like a psycho...

Now i know why he kept trying to bring up his friends cause i interacted with mutuals he wanted to know if they told me about him...and for weeks i struggled to find out by asking them but i never did...

He is disturbed i am stupid for allowing it to continue to this point i don't know how far he would've taken it but my psyche could not take it anymore...

He even made fun of my drinking

it was a terrible idea to engage with him but i honestly thought he was a someone else like a person i watched turned out he wasn't he was using an account to get ppl to like him then he change later i guess...

Maybe i'm wrong maybe he isn't all bad just immature but i don't care he scares me and hurt me...sorry for this post but i need it out of me

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