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beanghostprincess · 2 months

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Usopp's constant negativity and anxiety are something useful and "positive" at the end of the day (eg: fight against Perona) because he doesn't necessarily need to change his views, he just needs to trust himself and his abilities more and he just uses what he has at the moment which is, you know, negativity. It is not something positive but it does keep him safe from danger and he will end up being proud of himself and stronger than he could ever imagine, but that doesn't mean he'll stop being negative. It's just another personality trait a lot of people have, and Usopp using it for his advantage is something great, I feel. He takes pride in being like that. He's loud and shameless about it.

Unlike Sanji, who dwells on his negativity on his own. Quietly. And lets it consume him without having any power over it. His self-sabotaging and self-sacrificing behavior often comes from a place of giving up out of fear of others getting hurt to save him because that's pretty much his core fear. Being a burden/Not being able to save the people he cares about from himself and his past. It's not something the manga shows that much in comparison to Usopp's negativity, but Sanji's pessimistic views are pretty much one of the reasons why WCI happens and why he puts himself in the worst situation in Wano.

And I think (this is why I'm writing all of this) that they're perfect for each other because Usopp could show him that being afraid and negative isn't something so bad. After all, at least Usopp is aware that if he can't do something, the crew will help him out no matter what. Usopp's negative, yes, but it's alright because he doesn't go through it on his own. Even if he does look shameless and "selfish" when desperately asking for help (he isn't, by the way. It's actually pretty reasonable to act like that). Sanji needs to learn to ask for help shamelessly too and he needs to stop putting all the weight of the world's negativity on his shoulders. They need to carry it together.

Like- There's just something so personal in Usopp going "Yes! I am scared. Frightened even. Please, help!" because he might not like that part of him and he's trying to be stronger and more independent every day, but he acknowledges that things can go south and his reaction is very fight or flight but pretty mostly flight to be safe. While Sanji's response is always to fight because he refuses to let others know he needs help in case something happens to them (and also because he feels ashamed of feeling weak). Usopp shares the responsibility and accepts that he's kind of a loser sometimes but Sanji refuses to do so.

This is just a thought about Sanji learning that being a coward and asking for help isn't bad because they're meant to do stuff like that, and Usopp growing to be stronger and independent but not necessarily stop being pessimistic because sometimes you just... Are like that. Sometimes you're scared. Sometimes you have anxiety. And that's alright. You can be strong anyway.

#now this is one of the 1289123719834718937981 reasons why sanuso works so well together #they're literally perfect for each other idc #i just find the way oda portrays usopp's negativity really cool bc he takes that one 'negative' trait and turns it into a defense mechanism #against perona i mean #water 7 literally happens because usopp actually lets himself drown in negativity for once instead of trusting his crew like he always does #he won't stop seeing himself as less important than them and instead of communicating that or asking for help he decides to leave #it's a reasonable response when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown tbh but sanji teaches him it's okay for others to help you #which is funny because sanji refuses to use that for himself but that's because he's stupid and hates himself #they both hate themselves a lot but love each other a ton so. great relationship. teaching the other how to love #me when i say 'loser baby' from hazbin hotel could easily be sanuso but nobody shares that specific braincell with me #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

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tunemyart · 4 months

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Literally: what.

#ms word ai wants it to just say “thank”? that makes it... clearer somehow?#my work made us all install grammarly and let me tell you how often it makes my job harder #ai doesn't know shit okay #next question: do i start posting cabenson holiday fic tomorrow since it takes place over this upcoming weekend in real time dates #or wait until i have more of it together?

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wikitpowers · 4 months

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Ty was near Kit, as he always was, like a magnet clicking into place.

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lavenoon · 1 year

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Did I plan on adding to the reveal comics I made? No. Have a prequel to this one anyway. Fully from our little Hunter's perspective this time, so no heartbeats in this one (just me going wild with lines from the fic). Protective idiot hellbent on the belief that all cryptids are evil is confronted with the fact that 1) their buddies are what they consider to be an "evil thing" and 2) have proven again and again that they care deeply about them and protect them right back. That won't cause cognitive dissonance for sure! (:

@naffeclipse Hi yes hello I am still SCREAMING about the newest chapter literally every time I think about it too much I have to get up and move (made drawing this a unique challenge LMAO) I need to physically shake someone about it. Finally time to drop the lie I am so not normal about this fic

Lines in the first panel: "Speak no more." "It looks just fine to me." You've never detected an entity this strong before. He stays back as you flick holy water throughout the rooms. [...] a pitch black flat face, circled by deep blue and blood red jutting angles [...] "I don't know what you got in you that keeps setting off my equipment, but it is strong." Its remaining three eyes aren't upon you but on something above you. "They don't think, they don't feel. They exist to terrorize and torment." "I think you scared it." "We are scarier than it." Somehow, he closed the gap between the two of you in a moment. [...] nothing short of another threat could make it give pause [...]

Second panel: You're grateful Moon is here with you. "Breathe," he says, warm as sunshine, calm as the new day. Moon lifts you off the ground, clutching you close around the waist. Moon's optics frantically flick to you, wide in alarm. You are first aware of cool fingertips stroking the top of your hair. "We will stay with you," he murmurs in a tender tone that makes your heart swell. [...] your electronically recorded gasp causes Sun to bristle. [...] expose your shoulder to Sun, who makes a rather deep, unpleasant noise when you both find angry red marks [...] You have each other. You're not losing that. "I assure you, little hunter, I'm not leaving your side." [...] kept anchored by the safety of Sun's hand. [...] you squint to make out Moon at your backside, holding you close. "You take care of the scary things." "You won't be near us." By the glow of his eyes, he almost seems to admire you. Sun presses you to his chassis. "We, and our soot, are at your mercy, little hunter." It certainly wouldn't have lent a hand in taking down another cryptid. [...] he flings it away from you. Well, the slightest bit of intrigue, or is it confusion? "You're hurt." Because of him, you raise your voice. He taps once. "You have a dauntless heart." "We must come with you." "That's what we adore about you." "You kept me safe," Moon says softly.

#post let luce #my art #fnaf sb #fnaf sb au #cryptid sightings #cryptid!sun #screaming crying wailing I need to bite something oh my god #Need to hold myself back to not go off again I was already unhinged on ao3 #Need to somehow infuse the chapter into my brain like tattoo it on the folds or something #I need to ABSORB it #I have lost all semblance of normality or put togetherness #DEMON BEHIND YOU. SPEAK NO MORE.#I took another walk through my room #I cannot WAIT for how you'll do the reveal I'm going to be so unhinged about it #(I can and will wait ofc. Take care of yourself. Health over writing always. I'm just *vague gestures*)#Okay okay okay okay I'm done #if everything works out all lines should be legible tho u might need to open the picture in a new tab

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hood-ex · 7 months

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I have seen you talking about Dick & Dami's relationship and Dick & Tim as well,but what are your takes on Dick and Jason actually?

Like how you wish their relationship should be portrayed today and where are them missing when it comes to making those two acting like siblings?

Do you think in the past their dynamic was better?

How Dick views Jason and how Jason views Dick?

This is difficult to answer because there are like 8 different stages to Dick and Jason's relationship with various dynamics. They also view each other a bit differently depending on which stage we're talking about.

The way I would like their relationship to be portrayed today isn’t necessarily possible thanks to Jason’s integration into the family and acceptance of the no killing moral code. For me, their ideal dynamic is portrayed in Outsiders #44-46. And I know people are gonna find that regressive as hell but, tbh, that dynamic is far more interesting than the kinda awkward thing they have going on now.

Although, I don't mind that they acknowledge their brotherhood in a serious manner now. Like before they'd kinda be like, "Eh... I mean... we were adopted from the same guy but... brothers? Eh..." And now they're more firmly in the, "We're brothers," camp. So that development is interesting.

Character progression wise, it wouldn't feel right for for them to be super close in the way that, say, Dick and Tim are (unless we saw a lot of trust and relationship building between them), but at the same time, there is part of me that kind of wants them to have that older sibling bond (except Jason is closer in age to Tim than he is to Dick sooo actually let's just leave older sibling things to Dick and Cass... not that Cass is much older than Jason though so LOL this is why Dick has to lone the oldest sibling thing by himself... which is funny because Dick is technically no longer the oldest sibling, he's a baby brother now... except Dick and Melinda's relationship really hasn't progressed much sooo you could say they share blood but don't consider each other family yet, in which case, Dick is still the oldest... I mean, regardless, Dick is the oldest sibling of the Waynes... god why did they have to make all of this so difficult 😫).

#jason's like blerghhh dad always loved you best. but also hey we should work together bc you're a killer like me #and then jason's also like hey dick you were the most amazing thing i've ever seen and idk you're cool but i won't say that to you #and then he's also like hey dick i've got girl advice for you and i also need your opinion on my hair. oh now bane is trying to kill us #and then he's also like oh you got amnesia? i don't give a fuck about you and maybe i'll kill you #and he's also like oh you trust me? okay well... we're brothers and i'm gonna save you #and then dick's like oh hey kid call me if you need me. oh you died? i am literally devastated i'm so sorry #and he's also like wow you're very good at what you do but i don't trust you... okay but i trust the intel you're giving me sooo....#and then he's like why the fuck are you dressing like me and killing people?? quit doing stupid shit!!#and then he's like jason what the fuck are you doing--let me help you!!#and then he's like kinda indifferent to jason but jason is still Ugh this family is stupid why am i here #and then dick's like ofc i'm gonna come help you if you need me but also this is awkward af and things are weird between us so bye #except not bye because i'm staying here to help you and your team #and then dick's like i'm being controlled by joker so i'm gonna kill yoooou #and then he's like eh i trust you and i'm gonna help you bc we're brothers but you literally wrecked bruce's car you numbskull #and then he's like you're doing dumb shit and i have to take you down but oh thanks for not letting the train kill me #and then they're both like meh we're doing shit w the batfam even though neither of us should be here rn #and yeah that's how it goes. that's. literally it. writers cannot keep their relationship consistent in the long term #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #relationship analysis #anon

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rizzstappen · 8 months

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College Au, I agree that you def should write it 👀👀

Ahh okay I’ve been tinkering with this for a bit! Thank you for this ask Danni!!

This is my first time writing for Maxiel and first time writing rpf in years so please be easy on me 😭 but of course feedback and any questions are welcome!! Inspired by this picture and the tags!!

Sorry for any mistakes! But I don’t think I can look or edit this anymore without going insane 🤪 enjoy!!!

Maxiel College AU where it’s a special day during junior year!

—

“C’mon one more DR!” Blake shouted from across the tennis court. The Austin sun beating down on them making the already humid day feel worse than it actually was.

“Yeah, nah mate,” Daniel called back as the three men walked toward the net where they had set their backpacks down to get in a quick tennis match. “Max is waiting for me. I promised I’d be back on time. He says it’s a special day.”

Daniel had been thinking all day about it.

Before leaving for class Max had whispered to Daniel something about a special day. In his sleepy haze all the Aussie could do was hum and try to pull his boyfriend back into the warm duvet covers away from the busy campus outside their window.

Every morning was a routine once the semester began. Max woke at 7 am for his 8 am lecture. Showered. Got dressed. Kissed Daniel before he headed out the door. Daniel, of course, didn’t have class until 1:30. He liked sleeping in and staying up late. Plus he worked at the local bar which meant late night shifts. Max didn’t mind it. They always made sure to leave the afternoons free around dinner time so they could catch up on the day before Max went to play FIFA or do homework and Daniel went to work.

“He said that? You don’t know what the special day is?” Scotty asked with a slight scoff knowing if he forgot a date Chloe would have his head.

Daniel rolled his eyes sliding his backpack onto his shoulders and hiding his sweaty curls under a black and green hat “no he didn’t say what it was. If I ask he might kill me so I’m off to get some flowers on my way home” he nodded hopping the day would reveal itself when he walked in the door.

After saying bye to Blake and Scotty, Daniel headed out to the local flower shop. It was small with a French exchange student behind the counter who flirted way too much with Max in his opinion. The green eyed student recommended a bouquet of roses. Cliche.

Instead Daniel opted for an assortment of red, yellow and white tulips. Like the ones Max spoke about from his home country. Daniel liked to get flowers often wanting to give Max a little piece of home since he couldn’t travel back to Holland often.

The jingle of his key alerted the cats of Daniel’s return to the small apartment. Once inside the cats curled around his ankles and purred against his leg welcoming him back. Daniel leaned down scratching both Jimmy and Sassy behind their ears with whispered ‘hey guys, where’s dad?’ He toed off his shoes by the door before walking towards the living room. Max wasn’t in his usual spot on the worn leather couch Daniel had practically begged Max to bring back after they found it on the side of the road last year.

“Hello?” He called out the crinkle of the cellophane echoing around the tulips in Daniel’s hand.

“Shit” Max’s quiet voice echoed coming from the kitchen. Daniel made his way over seeing Max fussing over…something? His broad shoulders hunched down pulling at the fabric of his black polo that were tucked into his jeans being held up by a black belt.

Max turned holding a tray in his hands with what should’ve been a cake. The white frosting and vanilla bread had clearly turned into a crumbly mess.

“It’s supposed to be a cake, of course, but I think I took the bread out too soon and it was too hot. Of course I just wanted it to be decorated before you got back-“ Max rambled. A grin spread on Daniels lips “a cake for this special day?” He asked trying to real more information out of his boyfriend about this mystery day.

Max raised an eyebrow and nodded “of course why wouldn’t there be a cake?” He says.

Cake. Birthday? No. Anniversary? No. Daniel still couldn’t wrack his brain about what this special day might be.

Max smirked at his boyfriend as he sets the tray down on the linoleum lined kitchen counter “you have no idea what today is huh?”

Shit. He was caught. Max could read him like a book but Daniel wouldn’t admit it of course. “What?! Of course I know what today is. I got you flowers. Tulips” he grinned handing over the bouquet.

Max inspects the flowers. Not as good as the ones from his hometown but he knew it was the thought that counted. Max looked his boyfriend in the eyes a grin on his lips as he speaks “then what is today?”

Daniel looks back for a moment. What other possible date would be important enough for a cake?

A laugh bubbles up from Max “you don’t even know!” he smirked happily moving to get a vase filled with water for his flowers. “Daniel it’s the day we met in class” he spoke over the water running into the green vase “three years ago, of course” he nodded shutting the water off and sliding the flowers into the water before setting them down “it’s called a meet cute. I think” he said before he gestured to the cake sat on the counter “that’s what Victoria called it. She said it would be cute to celebrate it.”

The words ‘happy 3 year meet cute’ scrawled out in red icing against the white frosting in Max’s handwriting

Daniel was stunned.

3 years. He couldn’t believe 3 years had flown by. He remembered walking into his Horticulture 120 lecture and the only spot left was next to Max at the front row. He was sure he’d drop the class. It was an elective after all. But then he turned and saw Max’s eyes. Blue. Like the Maldives. In that moment Daniel knew he had to stay. So he did and clumsily introduced himself. His braces giving him a slight lisp. But it was the best thing he had done. Now he had an apartment and two cats with that same boy. And they were celebrating meeting 3 year later.

Daniel gives his boyfriend a soft look before his own laughter filled the space between them “oh Maxy” he said “that’s adorable really. Thank you” he says admiring the icing work he had attempted winning his finger into the white frosting and licking it off his finger.

“Happy three year meet cute anniversary” he said leaning in kissing Max’s blushing cheeks.

Max smiled turning to look at his boyfriend “happy three year meet cute anniversary” he whispered before planting a kiss on Daniel lips.

#thank you again Danni!!! I hope this meets your expectations!!!#in my head Daniel and max didn’t get together until halfway through the semester while working on a project together #that’s when they find out they live in the same dorm and hang out even more after that #and daniel is a engineering major at first but he switches to photography by this time #max does computer science #of course they go to UT!#and max is there on visa and Blake Scotty and Daniel decided to all just go there because dan loved it #hook ‘em!#and Charles runs the flower shop when he’s in school and flirts shamelessly with all the people who #come in and buy flowers #let me know if you want any more!!!#again I hope this is okay!#maxiel #my fic #asks #onboardsorasora #college au

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destielyurii · 6 months

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it's SO important to me that they play chess together. and that they play prime not prime, quiz eachother on tv & movies, play with rc cars, play virtual golf. but especially the chess

#they spend all their time together by choice!! they work together and even when they're off the clock #they're eating together they're playing games together they're watching movies together #like they're never not together and they!! play!! chess!!!!!!#something abt them doing such an archetypically “nerdy” activity in such a public place like they play in the mess hall #shep doesn't usually really like to advertise that he's a literal genius #he usually lets people think he's the dumb one which is pretty easy with mckay around #because mckay will never let anyone forget that *he's* a genius for even a second (affectionate)#but EVEN THOUGH he doesn't like to draw attention to his smarts. he'll play chess in the mess hall with rodney #i'm being very normal okay #mcshep #john sheppard #rodney mckay #sga #stargate atlantis #juno.txt

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hella1975 · 7 months

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i need to read more books and annotate in the margins i need to write more i need to buy jeans that fit me i need to eat more fruit i need to buy good quality headphones i need to get a skincare routine i need to talk to my friends more i need to wash my hair i need to stop treating this inhabitation as a curse. i am tired of punishing the body that has fought me for survival every day for years. i deserve little treats as regularly as possible !!

#more money would also be good but! we are working on it <3 this is a team effort im bored of being in a perpetual bar fight with myself #like sorry i havent answered my texts in months or barely sustain personal hygeine but that bitch (points at mirror) chucked a drink at me #it's okay tho we are in our enemies to lovers arc #just had a really vivid sudden 'i am in this body' moment and let me TELL you when you spend 90% of the time feeling a very #set seperation between your emotional self and physical self that is INCREDIBLY fucking jarring lmao. like oh this is me #the freckles on my fingers are just as much me as my years long loyalty to specifically prawn cocktail pringles. okay #that's cool. cool cool cool that's so cool so everything that's happened to me physically is still me okay cool #coooool cool cool. super cool btw. very angry for myself rn which never happens i normally just get angry at myself #LIKE THIS IS MY BODY! WHY DO I HAVE TO DRINK IT INTO BED AND HURT IT FOR NO REASON! WHY DO I LET PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH SO MUCH!#'i'll take care of you it's rotten work especially to me especially if it's you i'll do it but christ alive' except it's me and my body #like yeah im not happy about it bossman but we're stuck together. let's get you some nice clothes

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natjennie · 4 months

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OKAY why do yall have to have the worst nastiest most rotted bad faith interpretations of things ever the episode was incredible what the fuck is wrong with you

#you cant love something?#you've never heard of 'if you love something let it go'#????#like okay tell me you dont understand narrative structure without telling me #because the difference is they chose it! they voted! they decided!#all the other times leading up to this that alison has considered leaving it was never going to work #it was in desperation and full of schemes and tricks and barely scraping by #of course this time was different!#instead of NEEDING to sell the house. it was a choice #instead of alison leaving them it was them letting alison go.#do you GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it was actually perfect!!!!!!!!!!!#alison has always been the audience surrogate. and they made it so literal #like we are separated from the ghosts now but that doesnt mean we cant come back #that doesnt mean we cant love them #and even from the pov of the writers! you're leaving this story by choice #youre not being forced into another season or trying to scrape together every last penny #they're still there! we're just going our separate ways!#where's that art that's like. different relationships and its lines running parallel and away and intertwining #ghosts has always been about doing things in your own time and unconventional expressions of love and family and growth #i thought it was perfect okay!!!!!!!!!!#if you're mad i get it feel how you feel #but the themes stayed theming. i thought it worked perfectly #remind me to never trust when yall say things are bad #bbc ghosts #ghosts spoilers

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detroitbecomeonline · 5 months

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android sex drive is just "i have to build something (an android) right now" and getting really worked up about it

#saw veilders tags and then my brain thought of this #okay sure all androids are ace but #markus looking at north and being like ugh can we um. build a barricade right now #north: what #markus: i have to make something immediately come on let's go #north: i HAVE the PARTS for what you're feeling why don't we-#markus: i know what i want. you. me. barricade #connor just gradually feeling like he needs to build an android at work #(oh shit maybe that traci scene was sexual???)#Connor's gripping onto his desk like shit. he starts making origami #connor daydreaming about putting that damn traci back together #Hank: Hey Connor have you-#Connor: Shh. I'm reconstructing a case right now #that's so yuck sorry alsjdgwkksdg #OH NO KARA AND LUTHER kara: luther i want to make another Alice #luther:#kara:#luther: we don't have the parts #kara: i want to make SOMETHING #markus and simon wanting to build an android together and so they break into the CyberLife warehouse again #echo and ripple wanting to build an android but instead they end up building a car???#haha connor ur so disgusting #but he's not he's just a normal android with Build An Android Needs #dbh #dbh headcanons #mine

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queenlucythevaliant · 1 month

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Northern Lights

I heard a voice that cried, “Balder the Beautiful is dead, is dead!”

Who knows what to call the lonely exhilaration of gazing out into a bright Northern sky? Who can name it?

Jill could.

It was the same feeling that came to her at the teetering edge of a cliff at the end of the world. The same feeling as when she said her goodbyes to Puddleglum and Scrubb before they freed the prince. It was the same feeling that engulfed her now, sitting in the professor’s library with a volume of poetry before her.

The wild northern wastes were well named: utterly wild, perfectly desolate, and terribly Northern.

It was lonely there and often cold, but the sky was an endless whorl of gales and gray clouds. The stones were indigo under the pale winter sunlight, and at sunset they glowed a soft gold, as though lit from within. The gorges and moors lay before her, and Jill loved them for their vastness and their distance. Little grew in that country, but that which did was full of vigor. The grass was short and coarse. Every tree was victorious.

On a still, deep breathing winter night, Jill lay on her back beneath a covering sky. It seemed beautiful to her, rich and strong and glorious. Her eyes drank in the breadth of it until her tears began to blind her. Yet even then, she still couldn’t look away.

She felt bigger here in the wastes, like the landscape. Stronger, wider. The further she walked, the more she felt herself stretch out. One of these days, maybe, she would catch hold of herself at the edge and tug, and Jill Pole would open up clear as the Northern sky.

And through the misty air passed the mournful cry of sunward sailing cranes.

The thing that surprised Jill most about the battle with the serpent was this: there wasn’t any yelling. Always, it seemed, whenever she read stories about people fighting with swords, the combatants would let loose some guttural yell before their blows fell. They would scream and writhe in pain as they died. They would shout instructions to their fellows, “Look out!” or “Hit him there!” But the whole affair with the serpent passed with very little noise.

The poison-green coil constricted around the prince; he raised his arms and got clear, struck the serpent hard, and then Scrubb and Puddleglum dispatched the creature with heavy, hacking blows. The monster died writhing, but not screaming. And then it was over.

The thing that surprised Jill most about the moments before battle was, of course, the noise. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. She couldn’t stop listening to her own breathing. Every footstep rang out like a gong, and any words exchanged rang with a kind of finality that made them sound louder than anything.

“You are of high courage,” Rilian told her when it was over.

Yet the thing in Jill’s chest just then didn’t feel like courage. It was a deep breath, a plunge, and a release. It was loud and quiet all at once, till she was standing, blinking in the night air as snowballs whizzed round her, and maybe that was something like courage after all.

And now, there was a stirring in her chest as she reread the words on the page. Sing no more / O ye bards of the North / Of Vikings and of Jarls! / Of the days of the Eld / preserve the freedom only / nor the deeds of blood!

She thought of grief. Of freedom.

The lonely ache in her belly grew stronger. She felt herself uplifted into the huge regions of sky that were just beyond those cliffs, weightless as the breath beneath her buoyed her up, further, further…

When she saw Caspian up close, Jill thought that he looked like the sort of person who was meant to live in a castle. A silly thought, perhaps, since she knew he was a king– only she wasn’t thinking of Cair Paravel. No, Jill was picturing the ruins of an old British castle she’d visited once on holiday. She still remembered how the stonework had loomed over her, all towering arches and crumbling walls. That was where Caspian seemed to belong. He had an air of ancient tragedy about him.

When Rilian disappeared, all things had wept but one. The serpent coiled beneath the earth and flicked its forked tongue, spewing poison.

Now, the king half rose to bless his son. He whispered a few words as he caressed Rilian’s cheek, words meant only for those beloved ears. Jill saw Caspian’s lips move and wondered what a man like that could possibly say, when time ran so short.

They laid him in his ship, with horse and harness, as on a funeral pyre. Odin placed a ring upon his finger, and whispered in his ear.

Jill furtively took Myths of the Northmen and held it up to the professor with a question in her eyes. She was still shy around him and Miss Plummer, though she wished she wasn’t.

“Would you like to take that with you?”

“...Please.”

It takes a certain kind of person to be exhilarated by the heights. You’ve got to love vastness more than you fear falling.

They walked to the train station with an autumn wind blowing hard, and though Jill couldn’t fathom why, she turned and saw Lucy grinning, fierce and joyful– grinning and reaching a hand out towards her friend.

Jill reached back and grabbed it. “What will you do, once we’re back in Narnia?” she asked.

The wind blew harder. The feeling of anticipation grew and grew, until it felt so big that she couldn’t dream of containing it. And there was Lucy, holding Jill’s hand and laughing like it was easy.

Preserve the freedom only, not the deeds of blood!

The second time Jill went to Narnia, she found herself not at its edge, but at its end.

The thing about the Norse apocalypse is: it feels believable. It doesn’t reach beyond earth’s horizon to pull down hope beyond hope. It’s only the kind of courage that hopeless humans have: you are going to die, so you might as well die bravely.

They found the last king of Narnia bound to a tree. His eyes were faintly red from crying, and his wrists and ankles red from the coarseness of his fetters.

In the Norse myths, Loki broke free of his fetters at the end of the world. He escaped to the helm of a ship made from the fingernails of the dead.

The last king of Narnia fell forward onto the ground when Eustace cut his bonds. Jill crouched down beside him and watched as he rubbed feeling back into his legs. He wasn’t so much older than her, she thought. Jill was sixteen years old; the last king of Narnia could not be older than twenty-two.

In the myths, the gods were ancient, hewn from the bodies of giants old as the earth.

Jill put out a hand and helped the last king of Narnia to his feet. Not for the last time, she shivered. Something deep inside her (deeper than her chest, than her heart, than the marrow of her bones, deep as her soul, deeper) was singing an elegy and she didn’t know why, or how, or where it had come from. The king clutching her hand, who could have been her older brother, would have no heir.

Yet when he asked, “Will you come with me?” Jill could only smile.

“Of course,” she said. “It’s you we’ve come to help.”

And the voice forever cried, "Balder the Beautiful is dead, is dead!"

“This really is Narnia at last,” murmured Jill. The springtime wood had little in common with the wintry lands she had traveled the last time she was here– but it awakened the same feelings of Northernness in her chest.

Their party may as well have been the only people in the world, for how isolated their little wooden path seemed. Yet it wasn’t lonely, really, cocooned in all that green with the wind in the leaves and the primroses nodding and blue of the sky peeking through above.

Jewel told stories about what ordinary life was like when there was peace here. As he spoke, Jill could almost hear the trees' voices speaking out of the living past, whispering, stay, stay. She was caught up to a great height, looking down across a rich, lovely plain full of woods and waters and cornfields, which spread away and away till it got thin and misty from distance.

“Oh Jewel–” Jill said with a dreamy sigh, “wouldn’t it be lovely if Narnia just went on and on– like what you say it has been?”

She needn’t be a queen, as Susan and Lucy had been, but Jill would’ve liked to stay. She would've liked it all to stay, if it could. She might have been a woodmaid in a place like this: with the turn of the seasons, the swaying trees, swords into plowshares. Oh, if only she could stay!

Ahead, the last king of Narnia was softly singing a marching song. Jill tilted her head back and let warm shafts of sun caress her face.

I saw the pallid corpse of the dead sun borne through the Northern sky.

“So,” said the last king of Narnia, “Narnia is no more.”

He tried to send them back. Jill shook her head. It was very loud and very quiet. “No, no, no, we won’t. I don’t care what you say. We’re going to stick by you whatever happens, aren’t we Eustace?”

They couldn’t go back anyway. Neither would they flee, not south across the mountains nor North into the great wide wastes. No, they would stay. They slept in a holly grove on the edge of ruin, waiting for the bonfires to light.

Jill slept fitfully, but in between she dreamed. She was high up in the air, buffeted by clouds and pierced by shafts of silver sunlight.

They all died, in the myths. Jill knew that. It seemed beautiful and brave when she read it in her book, tucked away safe in the Professor’s library. It was terrifying now– and yet it was beautiful and brave still.

The dogs came bounding up, every one of them, running up to the king and his men with their tails wagging. One of them leapt at Jill and licked her face, tongue roughly lapping up the sweat and tears that had dried on her cheeks.

“Show us how to help, show us how, how, how!” the dogs were barking, almost ebullient in their enthusiasm. Jill bit back a sob. How lovely, she thought. How terribly beautiful. How dreadfully brave.

So perish the old Gods!

The white rock gleamed like a moon in the darkness when Jill finally reached it. She ran back to it alone, her hands shaking, while her friends stayed forward with their gleaming swords and Jewel’s indigo horn.

The while rock gleamed like the moon. Jill’s first shot flew wide and landed in the soft grass. But she had another arrow on her string the next instant. It was speed that mattered, not aim. Speed, and turning aside when she cried, so as not to drip tears on her bowstring.

The white rock gleamed. In the myths, a wolf devoured the moon. Peter’s wolf, slain many thousand years ago in this world, opened his jaw wide and darkness fell over everything.

Her next arrow found its mark. After that, she lost track. She pulled, and she prayed that her hands kept still another minute.

The unique thing–maybe the appealing thing–about the Norse myths, was that they told men to serve gods who were admittedly fighting with their backs to the wall and would certainly be defeated in the end. Jill let loose another arrow, felt the white rock at her back, and she knew that the clawing fear–beauty–bravery deep in her gut was the same feeling that she felt on the heights. The same feeling, but a different face. You’ve got to love vastness more than you fear falling.

“I feel in my bones,” said Poggin, “that we shall all, one by one, pass through that dark door before morning. I can think of a hundred deaths that I would rather have died.”

“It is indeed a grim door,” said Tirian. “It is more like a mouth.”

“Oh, can’t we do anything to stop it,” said Jill. Better to be dashed to the ground than it was to be devoured.

“Nay, fair friend,” said Jewel. “It may be for us the door to Aslan’s country and we sup at his table tonight.”

A hand tangled itself in her hair and started to pull. Jill braced herself hard, for a moment, until her strength gave out. She was standing on the edge of a high, Northern cliff. She took another step, and fell.

Perhaps when the moment comes, our bite will prove better than our howls. If not, we shall have to confess that two millennia of Christianity have not yet brought us to the level of the Stoics and Vikings. For the worst (according to the flesh) that a Christian need face is to die in Christ and rise in Christ; some were content to die, and not to rise, with Father Odin.

The world inside the stable was beautiful. It made Jill’s chest ache in all the loveliest ways.

Build it again, O ye bards, fairer than before!

#okayyyy so #i've been down the tolkien/lewis/norse mythology rabbit hole lately #it's a lot #but i've been picking at this piece in my head for a while now #which is more a rhapsody than anything else #but another for my narnia/classic lit sequence of pieces #the quotes are mostly pulled from Longfellow's Tegners Drapa translation #which Jack discusses in Surprised by Joy as one of the works that inspired feelings of joy and 'Northernness' in his boyhood #there's also a Weight of Glory quote in there #(paraphrased)#and one from the intro to Joy Gresham's book on the 10 Commandments that Jack wrote #(that's that last passage in italics)#i'm not really sure i was trying to make a point with this so much as just. explore that feeling of northernness #bc really northernness is two things #it's joy and exhileration brought on by beauty #and it's that beautiful hopeless courage when faced with unwinnable battles #and i love how intertwined those two things are for lewis #and let's be honest for me too #so that's what this is #hope it holds together okay #narnia #chapter one #night under narnia #dying of thirst #pontifications and creations #leah stories

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