*sigh* to the anon who sent me the thoughtful message about dean never being able to put anything down after sam was placed in his arms that night, i am so beyond fatigued that i went to answer you and deleted the message instead…
you’d always be welcome to send it again! but the short answer is…it breaks my heart, and the potential did exist for that to finally be relieved and for him to be on more solid, even ground, the hope for newfound balance/freedom/agency was absolutely there, and they chose not to let him have it, and it makes me want to launch my fragile, normally non-confrontational, anxious self bodily across a table at someone 🙃
there’s part of a poem by Anne Carson that really speaks (maybe a little too much) to me, and I think reflects this poignantly for him:
“why all this beating of wings?
What was this cage, invisible to us,
which she felt herself to be confined in?”
Well there are many ways of being held prisoner […]
The bare blue trees and bleached wooden sky of April
carve into me with knives of light.
Something inside it reminds me of childhood—
it is the light of the stalled time after lunch
when clocks tick
and hearts shut
and fathers leave to go back to work
and mothers stand at the kitchen sink pondering
something they never tell.
“You remember too much,”
my mother said to me recently.
“Why hold onto all that?”
And I said,
“Where can I put it down?”
It was awful! I think sometimes about the fact that it’s floating around in the world somewhere…I hope it at least found a place with someone who loved him and that it isn’t sitting lost in a box or a warehouse.
Here’s an article about it and its entry on the wiki, and a post of Jensen’s saying he missed it. If it hadn’t been taken, I don’t think he ever would’ve stopped wearing it entirely, even if we’d seen it a bit less.
you have NO IDEA how I mourned that jacket, and it wasn’t entirely narrative reasons! although it can be framed that way (since the jacket was originally John’s, and Dean shed that skin as he became more himself and escaped that shadow - but I’d argue the car and the jacket were always far more defined by Dean himself, and Dean’s image being one he took from what his father did and then made his own). I’m not sure how well-known this is anymore, but between S5 and S6, a bunch of props were shipped from Canada to LA for a photoshoot, and they were stolen along the way. among them were Dean’s jacket, and that jacket was one-of-a-kind. they tried to remake it, but could never get it right, so they wrote it out instead. I could cry over his camel colored 6x01 jacket, and the amazing 7x23 custom jacket (which Jensen helped design!), but I never missed anything like I did that jacket from S1-5. it was so iconic.
i love pashmina!! she was very near and dear to my heart as a kid, i nearly cried when i finally got her in my new horizons island 🥺
OH MY GOD S A M E,, IVE LISTENED TO IT SO SO MANY TIMES AS A KID. IF THERE’S ONE SONG I LISTENED TO THE MOST IN MY ENTIRE LIFE IT’S THAT ONE
aKSDJHFJSK F FOR DART ;o;
dart: we poppin the BIGGEST bottles when nightmare dies tomorrow <3
i,, honestly don’t even know :(
is this about the sir kibble milking thing
the latest trend in couture is
AKSJDHGFHJKDSLJDHFDJKSJDHJSKA OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT
i was gonna say daroach should keep it in his pants and then i remembered he doesn’t have any
i’m not very smart pls explain (if you’re comfortable ofc)
When You’re A Stranger - did you have to move around as a kid and if so did you find it hard to adjust?
I have never actually moved house! Lived in the same house since I was born, though hopefully this year I’ll get to move out because, Adulting
Dead-ucation - would you rather be homeschooled or do you enjoy going into school?
I’m in my final year of sixth form and though when I was a kid I used to want to be homeschooled, the current lockdown means I am stuck doing online school AND I MISS GOING IN SO MUCH THERE’S NOT MUCH I WANT MORE RIGHT NOW !! sixth form has been the most I’ve ever enjoyed going into school :)