i always love harder than what i receive. they love me but i dont think its the same as how i love them. it never is. i try to control it but my heart is a shattered mess
Hey sweetie,
the answer will be to always give yourself the love you are seeking in others. Those people are mirroring back to you where you need to heal. That over extension of love you are handing out like free donuts is for you. You deserve to give that love to yourself. Imagine if you invested in your dreams and passions like you did in other people? Imagine if you really put yourself first above everything else like you do other people? Imagine how wholesome you would feel if you let others come forward and love you? Instead you lean forward and this leaves no room for them to lean into you. There needs to be space for someone to love you. You create that by loving on you, choosing you, prioritising you. I struggle with over extension of love, and life always teaches me the hard way this is not the answer. The answer will always be to put you first, choose you. Love on you, cherish you, admire you. As you do this, watch how quickly those around will follow lead. xoxox
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Keep your heels and standards high!
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Femininity is not the absence of strength. It is the confidence and deliberate act of being exactly who God created you to be. Women are powerful in their softness, their nurturing spirit, their creativity, and their childlike wonder. A caring heart towards the people around them is often more impactful than stepping into a setting for the sole reason of trying to prove their worth to men or for the sake of proving their independence/value in some material form. Regardless of what the world says women ought to be in this age, I would like to be warm, gentle, a lover, and a friend. The creator of a home, and the giver of peace & joy to those I love. It’s okay to want to be a feminine woman.
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Stop ignoring your bodily signals that’s somethings not right. You get a bad stomach and need to run to the bathroom after the morning smoothie? It doesn’t agree with you. You get terrible anxiety and feel you need to perform on dates with the pretentious guy? He’s not your person. You feel shaky after the iced latte? It’s not for you sweetie. Your body is constantly sending signals, letting you know what feels good, and what doesn’t. Foods that don’t agree with you, people that cause you panic. Take inventory on what's causing dis-harmony in your life, and start editing ruthlessly. This is an act of self love. No more ignoring signs from your inner guidance system. Start heeding the call from your body. It’s speaking to you always.
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“Who/What causes you to lose allure?”
If you don’t like cussing, sorry. Your future isn’t guaranteed and we don’t have time to wait for the perfect moment.
The Who’s
Negative bitches. Negative bitches can come in the form of mothers, relatives, besties, and acquaintances. In some cases, they can be well intentioned, but they’ll never understand your lifestyle choices if they aren’t in it themselves. Negative bitches will make you shoot yourself in the foot through sabotage, feeding you doubt through the guise of “caring about you”, and talk about how they never did that and they’re still fine. They want to throw you off track so they won’t feel embarrassed or left behind.
Uninspired persons. The people who want to grow with you by attaching themselves to your hip, and literally copying everything you do. If you do 100 jumping jacks in the morning, they’ll do 101 and take credit for it first if they succeed.
Level up buddies that gave up on leveling up. When you’re on your journey or generally growing your independence, you’ll realize that you can’t afford what you always want to do and staying in your current position ain’t getting you nowhere. Having colleagues that became complacent isn’t helpful to you or them, so dissociate or send them packing.
Comfort zone friends. Comfort zone friends can be the same as negative bitches, except they can become proactive if they view you as a mutual, instead of as a frenemy. Comfort zone friends can also be childhood friends, relationships that you run back to when they ran their course, acquaintances, and placeholders.
Comparison heauxs. The name is literally their description: bitter heauxs that always feel the need to compare themselves and you to their/your progress. They always try to humble you but copy your habits at the same time since they can’t trust themselves.
Unsolicited advisors. Unsolicited advisors like giving advice and comparing their progress at your age to theirs. Their desired results are attention, praise and appreciation for unwanted advice, but I ask if they want a cookie for giving an opinion no one cared about. If they’re people you can’t avoid, ask them questions that have no benefit to your mission.
The What’s
Telling your business on the first visit.
Exposing your routines, private life.
Telling your favorite habits [to heaux’s that’ll switch up on you if given a chance]. If you love singing and the heaux is mad at you, guess what? Your voice sucks and you sound like a dying goat. Love your pretty nose? Guess what’s being attacked first in a fight.
Telling your plans to anyone who’ll listen.
Taking advice from people TO HEART who haven’t experienced what you do. It’s taking medicine you don’t need, but convinced yourself enough that you’re sick. My confidence is the highest it’s been, and I now understand why low esteem people would take advice or criticism from people who’d never liked them.
Giving up after you put in the work required, because “your plan said I could do this in 6 months” but it’s 6.1 months later.
Revealing who you are to someone who didn’t put in the work to know you.
Living for other people.
Living through other people.
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Don’t do things because other people tell you to. You have to decipher if things are for you and are authentically things that align with you. Don’t curate the image of who you want to be based on others. Don’t listen to music to genuinely don’t like just because of how people will perceive you. Don’t wear clothes that don’t suit you and you don’t feel comfortable in because you have been told to. Yes these things matter to an extent because how you present yourself matters. What I’m saying is don’t create a caricature of yourself because nothing about it is real to you. Nothing is true to who you truly are. Adapt things to who you are. Find music that you like. Find clothes that you love. Discover books you truly enjoy. Find videos that truly spark your interest. Don’t be superficial. Create a life that is true to you, one that deep down you don’t hate or feel dissatisfied with on the inside because you’re living a lie. Even if it’s different people will respect your genuity.
Live well.
- Femme Refinery
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Psyche tidy up
Giving yourself grace when you fail, and getting back at it right away. Failures are part of the perfection path.
Doing things not because you "must" but because you know why.
Unclenching your muscles on a frequent basis and normalizing being in stressful situations, like a boss babe. You know they're stressful but you don't let them get in the way to your goal.
Identifying your triggers, and recognizing them. You don't navigate life anymore from one trigger to another in a constant state of stress-anxiety. You know some stuff is triggering an emotional response but you answer to the rational thoughts. "Yes, I know this thing is triggering me. Worst outcome may come but I can deal with it no biggie. I rehashed many times my responses. "
Recognizing your emotions, but not letting them take up all your emotional mindspace. "Yes I'm angry, this thing happened and it caused me to feel unlistened to, I give myself a few minutes to breathe in silence, then think of the best action that'll benefit me"
The more you let emotions and triggers take up space in your day, the less you'll be able to live your life, but it isn't a excuse to avoid them squarely; you're also not living your life in extreme avoidance of them. Facing them upfront, as distressing as it may be, will lead to a quieter simpler life later.
Answer your truth: if you viscerally don't like something, do/say something. You do not have to do actions that go against what you stand/believe for.
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G O A L S
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How Did You Build Healthy Habits?
Setting Clear Goals:
Define specific, measurable goals for building healthy habits.
Break down goals into smaller, achievable tasks.
Starting Small:
Begin with one healthy habit at a time to avoid overwhelm.
Gradually increase the difficulty or complexity of habits as they become ingrained.
Establishing Routine:
Incorporate healthy habits into your daily routine for consistency.
Set specific times for practicing habits, such as morning exercise or meal prepping on Sundays.
Tracking Progress:
Keep track of your progress to stay motivated and accountable.
Use a journal, habit-tracking app, or calendar to monitor your daily habits.
Finding Accountability:
Share your goals with friends, family, or a support group for accountability.
Consider partnering with a friend or family member to work on building healthy habits together.
Celebrating Successes:
Celebrate small victories and milestones along the way.
Reward yourself for reaching goals with non-food rewards like a relaxing bath or a movie night.
Staying Flexible:
Be open to adjusting your approach as needed.
If a particular habit isn't working for you, try a different strategy or approach.
Learning from Setbacks:
View setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning.
Analyze what went wrong and make adjustments to prevent similar setbacks in the future.
Seeking Support:
Don't hesitate to seek support from a coach, therapist, or healthcare professional if needed.
Surround yourself with a supportive community of like-minded individuals who encourage your efforts.
Being Patient and Persistent:
Understand that building healthy habits takes time and consistency.
Stay patient and persistent, and don't get discouraged by setbacks or slow progress
if you want learn mor buy this EBOOK :
https://healthyus.gumroad.com/l/lifestyle
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