eliot: love is a weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
sophie: you're literally making flower crowns for parker and hardison as we speak
eliot, pointing a rose stem threateningly: you're on thin fucking ice
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Eliot: Get ready for a large file transfer
Hardison: How large?
*a giant filing cabinet falls out of the top window of a multi-story building*
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Sophie: you lost a lot of blood and passed out. do you remember anything?
Eliot: only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Nate: there was no ambulance. I drove you.
Eliot: what? but I heard sirens.
Parker: that was Hardison screaming.
Hardison: I was WORRIED!!
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funky little guys
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Incorrect Batfam Quotes
Batman: Did you take care of the guard?
Robin!Jason: Yeah! Dick told me to distract him but I thought that would take too long.
Flashback
Robin: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Robin: *chloroforms guard
Flashback end
Batman: What? He’s gonna wake up in like three hours?!
Robin: It was either that or push him out the window. You disapproved the last time I did that.
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Arthur: And I love Past Merlin and Future Merlin.
Merlin: Thank you. But it's a wasted effort. Past Merlin is dead. He dies every second, over and over. Future Merlin never arrives. He's suspended in time forever.
Gwaine: Sometimes you forget how his brain works and then…
[mimes explosion]
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Ghost: How did you both know there would be an extra uniform in the bag?
R/n: Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms, in case they get called to work unexpectedly.
Soap: Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.
Gaz: How does everyone know that?
{R/n and Soap answer at the same time.]
R/n: Worked airport security.
Soap: Slept with a flight attendant.
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Rogue: So, what, the salt was plan B?
Wizard: No, no, that's, ah, that's plan M.
Sorcerer: Don't I die in plan M?
Wizard: Yeah, usually.
Sorcerer: What you mean, usually? How many plans do I die in?
Wizard: C, F, and M through Q.
Sorcerer: C, that's a little close to home. You need to switch that up. How many plans does Bard die in?
Wizard: None. And Fighter none. And Rogue… nnehh. So there is a plan where Fighter comes out of it with a scar from the temple through the eye all the way down to their mouth-
Fighter : Ooh! I'd look so cool with a scar!
Rogue: Wait, wait, wait, go back, hold on, let's-let's rewind--you skipped past me! You skipped past me.
Wizard: Well, I have one, there is a plan, but it's evolving.
Rogue: Okay, that's creepy. Don't you think that's creepy? They're planning my death.
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Leo: Karai saved my life. Twice!
Karai: Once. And a half.
April: How do you half save someone's life?
Karai: I was the one that was sent to kill him, so I figure that only counts as half, right?
April: That actually makes sense.
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Kate: Did you hear about this? The Tracksuit Mafia are dropping people from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.
Yelena: I know, right? Twenty feet. Walk it off.
Kate: Yelena, you do know that normal people just don't "walk off" a 20 foot fall, right?
Yelena: So, all those times I pushed guys off a building, and they were all, 'AAAHHHH!,' they weren't just being funny?
Kate: No.
Yelena: Huh, I thought it was funny.
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Wei Wuxian: It's okay to grow up, realize you're not the person you used to be.
Jin Ling: You never grew up.
Wei Wuxian: Yeah. I achieved perfection pretty early, huh?
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Asta: Noelle saved my life. Twice!
Noelle: Once. And a half.
Yuno: How do you half save someone's life?
Noelle: I was the one who accidentally threw him off the cliff before saving him, so I figure that only counts as half, right?
Yuno: Huh.
Yuno: That actually makes sense.
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Parker (xe/xyr): may i have your pronouns?
Sophie (she/her): sure! she/her
Parker (she/her): thanks :)
Sophie (/): wait
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Nebula: You bought me a gift?
Rocket: I wouldn’t say “bought” exactly… I obtained.
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parker: how was your weekend?
nate: not too bad, sophie and I crashed a party and stole a painting. annoyed sterling, which is always fun
sophie: sterling even offered us a job, that we won’t take, of course. we might sleep with him, though. how about you?
hardison: we did a job and then found out a crazy guy was weaponizing the spanish flu
parker: hardison stepped on a bomb and i blew one up
eliot: i got shot. twice.
sophie: just another normal weekend :)
nate, parker, hardison, and eliot: yeah :)
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