Chapter Three: The Ackerbond Feels
Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader
Warnings: SMUT, cumming untouched (m!receiving), phantom handjob i guess? pls i have no idea how to tag this, masturbation (m! & f! receiving), edging (m! & f! receiving), Levi having the bluest of balls, terrible timing from reader, phantom prostate stimulation??? overstim, forced orgasm (m!receiving), lowkey voyeurism, Levi beating the shit out of Eren oop—
A/N: managed to cut this chapter down to a reasonable size because if i did everything i’d planned to, it would have been the length of a novella :”).
ONCE again another big ol’ thank you to @peace-for-levi for beta-reading this word vomit, who pointed out the fact i rarely make any errors when writing smut… take from that what you will
AND OF COURSE @levmada for the original concept <3
taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos
As days turned to weeks, things didn’t get much better. The most recent expedition had to be cut short by the news of titans breaking through Wall Rose, only for the hole to be plugged by the time the Scouts returned. Levi couldn’t decipher what he saw that day. He’d barely had enough time to figure out what the hell was happening between him and you, let alone throwing this titan-shifting child into the mix of things he was barely able to deal with right now. On top of all this, he hadn’t spoken to you very much at all. After that poker night, things grew too hectic to keep on top of whatever kind of relationship budding between you two, so things sort of fizzled out a little. He still felt your pain, and he was sure you still felt his. So sparring with each other was an absolute bitch to deal with. Every hit landed caused the attacker to wince, completely throwing off the rhythm. By the time he called for a break, his entire body was aching, and from a quick glance up to you nursing a bruise that wasn’t on your own body, you were feeling the same.
He paired you up with Oluo after that, and found considerably less punches landing on his own skin, to his pride.
Though your late night paperwork sessions continued, they continued in silence. You brought a tray of ‘pig piss’ in with you. You’d been getting better at making it without him, and whilst he was proud, it kind of left him with a hollow feeling. This also meant neither of you would have to pause working. He wasn’t really sure what to make of that either. Whilst he appreciated your dedication to the mountains on his desk, he couldn’t help feeling like it was an evasion. A clever tactic to encourage silent working, rather than a break and risk talking. It hurt slightly, but he respected it.
Though he still noticed you wore his jacket more than occasionally.
Sleep hadn’t been much easier either. Levi would be the first to admit, he wasn’t very good at sleeping at the best of times. Usually he would try to work himself into exhaustion, until he could no longer physically keep himself upright, and was forced to slump over his desk. But recently, he’d been unable to focus. A constant, aching throb plagued his head most waking moments nowadays. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he was convinced he’d died and been taken to a new kind of hell.
Erwin had lessened his workload – thank fuck – and with your help, he would finish his work in record time. But that also meant he had a harder time trying to work himself to death. He’d promised you he’d try to get some more sleep. Seeing you so worked up over his health left his heart wrapped in a kind of comforting warmth, one he really wanted to stay.
He’d been trying to sleep for the last two hours now, and he just couldn’t seem to shut off. That pounding in his head only seemed to worsen the longer he lay down, tossing and turning, tangling himself in the sheets. Sweat dampened your hoodie, and he was more convinced than ever that he was coming down with some kind of sickness. Breath quickening, chest rising and falling in desperate pants, Levi turned over onto his front… only to release a trapped moan the moment his crotch touched the sheets below.
Confusion clouded his senses as he turned again, onto his back. An extremely visible tent had formed in his loose flannel pants. He was hard. So, so fucking hard. Levi blinked in utter bafflement.
It wasn’t that this hadn’t happened before. Yeah, even Levi Ackerman wasn’t immune to human urges, but it was never this bad. That throbbing in his head seemed to have travelled down his front to his now pulsing cock. He could feel his veins desperately pump blood down his shaft, his balls constricting periodically, length twitching and he was absolutely drenched. Tip spilling copious amounts of prespend, saturating the front of his pants and most likely ruining them for further use tonight.
“Wh– the fuck?” Levi couldn’t wrap his head around what the hell was happening. Something had changed in him over the last couple weeks, and obviously it had something to do with you.
And it was as if thinking of you had triggered some kind of switch in his brain, because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Levi’s cock pulsed raw pleasure through his nerves, causing him to throw his head back and grit his teeth. He wasn’t even touching himself, both hands currently firmly fisting the sheets either side of his head. He refused to make a sound, he really didn’t want to hear his own filthy noises, but when he felt some kind of phantom hand wrap around his length, he couldn’t stifle the sudden, sharp intake of breath.
He looked down, legs spread and bent at the knee, to see if he could decipher what the fuck was happening, and why all of a sudden he felt so good. White heat flashed down his shaft, his tip throbbing and leaking with each ghostly pump. Levi’s hips kicked up into the phantom touch, and the moment he thought of you again, he couldn’t stop himself.
“F’fuck! I– wh– I d’ahaaah! D’damnit, ah, haah, f’fuck…!” The more he thought of you, the hotter his euphoria ran. He didn’t have the mind to acknowledge how disgusting he would feel after, both literally and metaphorically. All he could think about was how utterly blissful he was feeling. He almost didn’t want to touch himself in fear of whatever the hell was going on would stop. He’d never made himself feel this good. Not that he indulged in getting himself off very often anyway, but it was usually for convenience rather than pleasure. And even then he would have to have a cold shower instead, his hand never being enough to find his release.
But this… this was something else entirely. Levi’s entire body thrummed with the languid movements down his cock, his back arching steeply into his stimulation. His head tossed back and forth, desperation lacing his now airy, whimpered moans as his grip on the sheets tightened. He didn’t want to tear them, but fuck he was getting close, knuckles draining white with his increasing pleasure.
His hips were thrusting rhythmically now, and he fought every instinct not to crawl onto all fours and hump into his own hand, but again, he didn’t want this to stop. Flashes of your face lit up his mind’s eye, twisted in shared ecstasy. A manifestation of his newfound feelings he both hated and craved. He could almost hear you, hear your muted cries, your whines of his name. Fuck he was gonna cum. Fuck, fuck, fuck–
When everything stopped, and he was forcefully pulled back from the edge. No pleasure, no stimulation, nothing. Levi almost sobbed, bucking wildly into the empty space that replaced the crying bliss he’d almost reached.
In a desperate bid for release, he tugged the hem of his pants down past his thighs, frantically pumping his cock in a tight fist. He didn’t know who he was begging, all he knew was that he needed to cum. He needed to reach a high he never knew existed. Levi flicked his wrist up his shaft, releasing a breathy whine with each downward stroke. His other hand skirted down his front, bypassing his weeping length and cupped his heavy balls, massaging and rolling them in the palm of his hand.
He’d never been a religious man, but honestly he genuinely considered praying for release. Teeth grit and jaw clenched, his hips collapsed back onto the mattress in defeat, hand stilling on his pulsing cock. Whatever had riled him up so much had completely disappeared, leaving him all achy and desperate and with no way of relieving the tension. He’d never been able to get himself off by his own hand, and now was no different. His chest heaved great gulps of air, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead.
With one last half hearted attempt, Levi’s head fell back as he resumed the slow strokes of his overly sensitive length, whimpering when his thumb dipped into his weeping slit. Even squeezing his bulging balls brought no euphoric high, only adding to the blissful frustration. Sure, it felt good. Great, even. But nothing in comparison to what he just felt.
He heaved a great breath before releasing himself and resting the back of his hand on his forehead. Whilst he didn’t cum, he knew he would have to change his sheets anyway, and throw his pants and your hoodie in the laundry. But first he needed to shower. His cock still throbbed desperately, and he needed this to be gone if he was to sleep tonight, as you wanted him to so much.
Kicking off the cover, Levi stripped himself of his clothes and tossed them into the basket, trying to think about anything that would help rid himself of his erection. Titans, was the first thing that came to mind. A dirty floor was the second. Sure enough, by the time he stepped into the shower and turned the temperature down, he was only half-hard. Good enough.
You didn’t think you could curse Nanaba any further. You’d been so close. So close, when she knocked on the bathhouse door. You’d been just cresting your high, when she loudly complained about how long you’d been in there, scaring the shit out of you and promptly sapping the arousal from your veins.
Honestly? You blamed Levi for your recent increased sex drive. Him and his stupid fucking face and stupid fucking abs. Fuck you couldn’t get the image of him at poker out of your head. Tossing his jacket and shirt to you, sitting so casually in nothing but pants and his cravat. Fuck fuck fucking fuck. You’d started to take regular baths to try and calm yourself down, but this was the first time you decided to do something about your throbbing clit.
Until stupid fucking Nanaba interrupted you, and you were left hanging. Fuck’s sake. This was the only time you really had to yourself. Since the Scouts returned yesterday from the most recent expedition, you’d simply had no time to breathe. Not with that titan kid. Levi had informed you all of what he saw after things had settled down, and you’d honestly didn’t believe him at first. But when Eren Jaeger was taken to the cells below with some nasty looking scars around his eyes that you were told weren’t there before, you started to believe him.
You were contemplating everything over breakfast with your squad; your weird connection with Levi, the discovery of Eren, Nanaba’s irritating face, when Eld elbowed you slightly and you snapped back to reality, looking down at the porridge you’d just dropped onto the table.
“You alright this morning? Looks like you’re not even with us.” He asked, swallowing his mouthful. You sighed, placing your spoon back into your bowl and pushing it away from you, only for it to be promptly swiped by Gunther, dumping the contents into his own bowl. Petra gagged and you distantly wondered how anyone could eat so much and also keep the physique of a soldier.
Eld elbowed you again a little more forcefully, causing you to look at his expression of expectation.
“Sorry, what?” You asked, suddenly aware of all eyes on you. But his face softened.
“I asked if you were alright, but I think you just gave your answer. What’s on your mind?”
“Trouble in paradise?” Petra asked smugly, her brow raised. You sent her a glare.
“Wow, Pet, you ever considered becoming a jester for the king with jokes like those? I think the hat would suit you.” Your tone dripped with sarcasm as she held up her hands in defeat, giving you an ‘I know how you feel’ look before glancing at Oluo. Seems things weren’t going all that smoothly there either. You almost asked why she hadn’t told you, but there had been barely enough time to eat recently, let alone discuss love lives.
“Woah, you seeing someone?” Eld asked with genuine curiosity. He looked disgustingly happy for you, and you didn’t know why it pissed you off. It just did.
“No, Petra’s just being… Well, Petra. I’m just thinking about everything, honestly,”
“That checks out.” Gunther responded, a mouthful of milky oats. Walls, he really was disgusting sometimes. You were grateful to him though, because without confirmation, you weren’t sure the rest would have believed you, regardless of your honesty.
“Have you ever thought about not taking on the world by yourself?” Eld asked.
You almost melted at his sincerity. Though you hated when people worried for you, you definitely preferred it when they actually talked to you about it. There was nothing worse than being made aware someone worries for you without actually finding out why.
“Sounds boring. I like my constant state of anxiety, thank you very much. It’s soothing,” you responded haughtily.
“What kind of fucked up paradox is that?” You were surprised when Oluo chimed in. He never really joined in group discussions that didn’t revolve around him. “If you want my advice, just don’t think about the things that concern you. It’s how I stay calm on the battlefield all the time.”
Spoke too soon.
“Nobody asked for your advice.” Petra sighed airily, and you knew something had definitely happened between them when Oluo didn’t bite back. Rather he just huffed and went back to his breakfast. You and Eld both looked between them with intrigue, before shrugging simultaneously. Though it seemed with the slight distraction, the rest of your squad had forgotten about whatever the hell was going on with you. All but Eld, who kept sparing worrisome glances your way. You did your best to ignore them.
“Oh, yeah, have you been told? We have the day off. Superiors have a meeting this morning and then it’s that kid’s trial this afternoon. I was thinking about heading into the market after lunch before the trial, if you wanted in.” Eld mentioned, and your heart felt a thousand times lighter. A day off? Thank fuck for that. Honestly, you really needed it. Though the thought of Levi still having to work irked you. Did Erwin ever stop?
“I’d love to actually, need to pick up some more tea leaves.” You said almost absently, as if talking to yourself. Which was a mistake, because now the entire squad was looking at you as if you’d just confessed to a murder.
“Since when did you drink tea?”
“Thought you only drank tea when doing paperwork?”
“Wait, have you and Captain Levi been having tea dates?”
You didn’t know where to start first, looking between the stunned Gunther, Petra and Oluo. Eld stayed silent.
“Walls around, calm the fuck down! We took a break and I messed up making tea, and wasted two bags. I just need to get some more cuz I felt bad. This is more for myself than anything else.” You’d discovered that the key to a good lie, is to mix in sprinkles of truth. Gunther and Oluo seemed to have accepted that, Petra of course still narrowed her suspicious gaze at you, and Eld kept his silence.
“To be fair, if I wasted one of Captain’s wash cloths, I’d be straight down the marketplace too. I’m surprised it’s taken you this long.” You had to look away as Gunther once again spoke with a mouth full of oats.
“It’s not like we’ve had an abundance of spare time. And for the love of the walls close your mouth you animal.” Petra scrunched her nose in disgust as Gunther opened his mouth further just to spite her. You were tempted to throw a crust of bread just to see if he could catch it like the animal he was.
The sudden screech of chairs behind you had your whole squad looking over to see the superior’s table all stand in borderline unison. Your eyes immediately caught Levi amongst them, looking utterly exhausted. Maybe he hadn’t been sleeping very much. Not like you could blame him. He sure as shit looked as tired as you felt. You gave him an empathetic smile when his eyes found yours, and he looked a little surprised.
But before you could change your expression to question him, Hange’s arm snapped around his shoulders, and you saw his jaw clench in sleep deprived irritation.
“Would not wanna be them today.” Eld murmured to you, clearly looking in the same direction.
“Neither. Can’t imagine dealing with the shit they have to deal with.” You replied, tearing your eyes from Levi’s and looking at the rest of the group. Even Erwin looked a little worn, and you assumed this meeting wasn’t one he’d organised.
“You two just wouldn’t be able to take the heat. It needs a sturdy mind, a cold exterior. You need to be apathetic towards those around you to make the hard decisions. You need a t– argh!” Oluo managed to cut himself off by biting his tongue, by the sounds of his pained choke.
“That’s what you get for running your mouth.” Petra responded flatly, and you briefly glanced back at her. ‘Later.’ she seemed to say. You nodded.
“Well, I’m going to have a bath, since Nanaba fucked up my timing yesterday. Only in there for twenty minutes, but I swear, if any of you shitheads try to take my time today, you will not live to see the morning.” It was a genuine threat. You had one goal this morning. One agenda. And this time, you were determined to finish.
Meeting. There was about to be a fucking trial over a kid, and they were having a fucking meeting about it the morning before. He saw him last night. Had asked him what he wanted, and Levi couldn’t deny he was impressed with his answer. He’d never seen anyone match his own hatred for titans, and so see it from a kid so young… It was refreshing.
But Nile fucking Dok and his stupid fucking Military Police just had to get involved. Even Pyxis couldn’t see the point of this meeting, the old Garrison commander sitting at the table, clearly more interested in the contents of his flask than he was with the meeting.
“Erwin, you can’t possibly think you can use this kid. He’s uncontrollable! You’ve heard the reports, he tried to kill one of his friends. She’ll have a scar from it! Please, listen to reason for once.” Nile implored desperately, trying to get through to the marble faced commander. Levi knew it was useless. He’d seen the look in Erwin’s eyes the moment he heard about some titan shifting kid. The Scouts have been given a gift, the key to freedom hung so tantalisingly out of reach. And Erwin Smith would do anything to grab it. Including sacrificing innocent lives.
“This isn’t the first time I would have taken a gamble on something dangerous. And this won’t be the last time it works out to our advantage.”
Levi knew he was talking about him. He was a gamble, after all. Some grungy criminal from The Underground, now Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. Some sick joke, if anyone asked him.
“Think about it, Nile. Think about what we could achieve with this kind of strength. Look at how far we came after my last gamble paid off.” This time Erwin actually gestured to Levi, who did nothing but raise a thin brow. This meeting was pointless, and everyone in the room knew it.
Levi opened his mouth to contribute, before promptly shutting it again, wide-eyed. Oh fuck not now. He clenched his jaw, nails biting into his fist as heated pleasure sparked in his veins, his cock twitching to life. For fuck’s sake why now? He took a deep breath, trying to calm his suddenly racing heartbeat. It wasn’t that bad yet, he could last through this meeting, and get back to his office before–
Levi choked on a gasp. Oh fuck, it was so much more intense. A silky hand had wrapped around his shaft, slowly pumping up and down. Up and down. Balls throbbing, tip aching, he could feel the front of his briefs saturate with his precum. His pleasure was interrupted by a harsh kick to his shin beneath the table, and Levi looked up to see Hange, brows tilted in concern.
‘I’m fine,’ he said back, hand moving to cushion the ribs he bruised a few weeks ago. The perfect cover-up for the euphoria bubbling away in his crotch. They seemed to get the message, nodding in sympathetic understanding, and turning back to Nile, who seemed to have gone off on yet another rant.
Not that Levi could concentrate. He barely managed to suppress a shudder and a hiss as the ghostly ministrations continued, the suffocating tent beneath the stiff leather skirt only adding more to his frustrations. He strategically placed a hand in front of his mouth to muffle his breathing, and hide the blush steadily spreading across his cheeks. It was becoming more and more noticeable that he was in discomfort now. Miche sending him a concerned look, Erwin glancing his way. He barely stifled a moan before deciding enough was enough. He was going to cum in his pants –in front of everyone– if he didn’t leave now. He didn’t even know if he would make it anywhere private in time.
He shivered as whatever was pleasuring him pressed down lightly on the now pulsing vein along the slick underside of his cock, before he stood up abruptly. The entire room stopped, some expressions surprised, others concerned. But Levi gave no answer to their questioning looks, rather turning and heading out the door at a brisk walk. His office. That was the only place he would feel comfortable enough to let this run its course. He was so thankful everyone had taken the day off as an opportunity to be out and about. Nobody witnessed the embarrassing pauses he had to take when a particularly strong wave wracked his body and rendered his legs useless. There was nothing like the relief he felt after opening the door to his office, slipping inside and turning the lock.
His hand shot up above him, bracing himself against the wooden door as his back arched against it, finally releasing those gravelly moans and pitched whines trapped in his chest. His other hand fumbling numbly with the buckles and zipper of his pants. Levi barely managed to free his cock before another heated stroke caused his head to throw back, hair mussing against the wood as he writhed, hips bucking up into nothing. He had to sit down. Or at least had to lean against something so when his climax hit him, he wouldn’t collapse onto the ground.
It was less of a walk to his desk, and more of a desperate stumble, catching himself against the mahogany as a ghostly thumb dipped into his weeping slit, rubbing in slow circles as if to spread his pearlescent fluids over his throbbing tip.
“Fuck! Shit, sh-ahaa-aah, fucking gha-haah!” He couldn’t help himself, thrusting erratically and catching that same pulsating vein on the curved edge of his desk. He couldn’t stay here, gripping his desk. The second he reached his peak, his seed would ruin all the paperwork he’d worked so hard on. All the paperwork you’d worked so hard on. “Oh fuaaah-nghaaAAAH…! FuckfuckfuckFUCK!” It was the same as last night. The second he thought of you, his boiling pleasure increased tenfold, knuckles draining white as his desk creaked under his grip. Levi’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, back arching like a bow as the pumps down his shaft increased suddenly, no more pauses between pulls, but rather a constant, blinding bliss that seized his muscles.
Where he found the willpower or strength to move, he would never know, but the second he fell into his chair, his hips were rising again, hands now gripping the arms. He’d not once felt like this. Not even last night. This had gone beyond the pleasure of last night into something so full-on he couldn’t think of anything else. His head was both clear and clouded, arousal swirling in his mind.
“Pl…please… f-fuck! Oh fuck, please, w-wanna cum. Need to… nghahaah! N-need to cum!” Once again, Levi didn’t know who he was begging, but his visions of you returned. Filthy, debauched visions of your pleasure-twisted face, your airy whimpers. It was like he had a bird’s eye view of your own euphoria, watching your fingers reach inside your dripping walls, searching for something.
A foreign pleasure had Levi wailing, something he’d never felt before. A stirring deep inside him, a place never before stimulated and oh fuck did it feel good. His pelvis kicked up, and as much as he wanted to grind on that little mound of euphoria, he didn’t know how. All he knew was that he needed more.
His vision of you returned, and he watched your hips undulate on your fingers. Your head thrown back against whatever you were lying on, your fingers ghosting up your naval, over your stomach and up to your bare breast. The second you rolled your nipple between your fingers, Levi’s own jolted. He didn’t even know he enjoyed being touched there, until you pinched and squeezed your pebbled bud, silently crying out. Levi was oblivious to the fact he was mimicking your sounds until his voice caught on a particularly loud groan.
With your stilling fingers, so did his pleasure. Levi’s hips kicked up in frustration, and he was suddenly terrified he wasn’t going to finish, like last night. Once again desperation forced his hand, and he clasped his cock in his fist. Instantly your image lit up again, and despite your hands having paused, you started to writhe. Eyes squeezed shut, mouth hung open, you started to move your digits again, and his nerves shuddered in ecstasy as that foreign feeling returned.
Drunk on arousal, Levi started to gasp your name between his frantic whimpers as he changed his pace to match his mind’s visions of you, that new bundle of nerves singing in stimulation. Levi felt his balls draw tight, chest heaving with each laboured breath as he approached his peak. Behind his eyes you, too, had started to grip the surface behind you, your thumb moving to rub your clit.
“S-so close, fuck please…! Oh my fu-nghaahaah! Yes fuck, oh shit gonna-haah, ah nghah haah, gonna cum! F-fuck oh fuck d-don’t stop, please fuck ‘m gonna fucking cum… oh fuck oh fuck oH FUCK…!” Levi’s body locked up, brows pinched and muscles quivering as his pleasure boiled up to Elysium. Cock twitching, he finally reached his peak, back bowed steeply against the chair. He completely lost control of his hips, thrusting and bucking sans any rhythm into the air, rope after rope of his seed exploding from his tip as he fisted himself through his orgasm.
Wave after scorching wave of bliss wracked his system, electric honey coursing through his veins as he watched you reach your own high, head thrown back and mouth hung open in a silent scream. With each of his own breaths came another broken wail of your name, all places of sensitivity over his body vibrating as he drained his heavy, achy balls all over his shirt, streaks of his cream reaching his pecs. He started to jolt with oversensitivity, the pleasure becoming too much. But even after he took his hand from his length, it felt as if he hadn’t moved at all.
Cracked, whiny pleas flew from his lips for the stimulation to stop, trying his best to move away from whatever had him in a vice-grip. Behind his eyes, you hadn’t stopped. Though you’d reached your peak, your fingers continued pumping inside your hot cunt, your other hand now having moved down to play with your slick pearl again.
Levi felt himself heat up all over again. Leaning forward against his desk, he tried to break himself out of the choke-hold his imagination had on him, but to no avail. He’d just cum his brains out, he didn’t even know if he had anything left to give. The phantom hand returned, and he almost screamed, snapping his head back so violently he was vaguely concerned about breaking his neck. That spot within him stirred again, and he sobbed, scraping his nails against the wood.
He could do nothing but sit and take it, clearly his sex-drive wasn’t done with him. Falling back into his chair, Levi writhed desperately, clinging on for dear life as he was worked up all over again. Tears steadily leaked from the corners of his shut eyes, his hand dipped to his still heavy balls, rolling and moulding them in his hand. Everything felt so fucking good, and his chest inflated as he felt a strong massage against the bundle of nerves inside him. He didn’t know why he was trying to hold out, he felt as if he were trying to fight back a tsunami with a tea-spoon, his pleasure building to a new level. Oh fuck he was going to cum again.
He wondered if you had ever cum screaming his name.
Levi’s mouth flew open in a not-so-silent roar, white exploding behind his screwed shut lids. Thighs shaking, abs tensing, fists clenching as he came so hard for a second time. His entire body was alight, bucking and contorting with each fresh wave of drowning bliss. Seed once again expelled from the pulsating head of his cock, dribbling down his length. He’d never been so fucked out of reality in his life. Stars still danced in his vision as his eyes opened, slowly coming down from his soul-sucking high.
What… The fuck… Just happened?
Levi blinked back the blurriness, bucking up the courage to look down at the creamy mess coating his softening length. Oh he would definitely have to change, his shirt saturated a duller grey where his cum had landed, his crotch drenched. But he found himself unable to move, legs unwilling to support his weight. Something had fucked him into oblivion, rendered him absolutely useless. He didn’t even want to move, bathing in the afterglow of two scorching orgasms. Though he cringed at the stickiness coating both his hands.
That was where he found the strength to move. He refused to bathe in his own fluids any longer, and forced himself shakily to his feet, and shuffled into his conjoined bedroom. His shirt, pants and briefs joined your hoodie in the laundry basket, adding to the growing pile he would have to wash very soon. He hated it when dirty clothes piled up. It just looked so… untidy.
Levi’s skin crawled with the idea of putting on fresh, clean clothes on his sweat-dried body, the crisp cotton instantly becoming filthy the second it came into contact with his skin, but he didn’t have time to shower. The meeting was most likely coming to an end, and we would have to hurry if he wanted to return.
Weighing up his options in his head, Levi placed his fresh clothing back on the bed, and hopped into his shower. They didn’t really need him anyway.
“You could have worn casual clothes, ya know. You don’t have to go everywhere in your uniform.”
You rolled your eyes at his comment as Eld straightened from where he was leaning against a wall in the courtyard, waiting for you. Fresh from your bath, you felt so much more relaxed now, having finally finished what you’d started last night. Though those images were still fresh in your head. Levi’s pleasure-scrunched face and desperate pumping of his cock just made your own session so much hotter. There was no point in denying what you felt for him now. What you’d felt for a long time. Might as well use that to your advantage.
“Hange asked me to join the trial later just as I went to change. You know how they are.” You shrugged, folding your arms as he fell into step beside you.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on? Because to be honest, I’m really worried about you.” Eld didn’t take his eyes from you as you began the short walk into Trost. You honestly debating telling him about whatever the fuck was going on between you and Levi. Debated telling him about your weird connection with him, about how you can feel his pain, and how he can see what was going to happen to you. How you saw and felt what would have happened had he not made it in time.
And if you were being honest with yourself, if you were going to tell anyone, it would be Eld. But despite having shared nearly everything with him, this just felt too much. Too personal. This was something just between you and Levi. And weirdly, you didn’t want anyone else to know. You liked keeping it something special between you two.
Even if you hadn’t spoken in what felt like a lifetime.
“Nothing’s going on. Seriously! I’m fine. I mean, as fine as one can be when a titan shifting kid emerges from the newest cadet corps, the Colossal titan shows up again after years of silence and breaks through Wall Rose, only for the hole to be plugged by that same shifting-kid, and now that kid who saved so many lives is under threat by the fucking Military Police who most likely want to kill him or dissect him. Want me to go on?” You asked, raising a brow to your blonde companion.
“I just feel like you’re lying to me.”
You were taken aback, stopping to gape at him. “What? I’m not lying to you! I can’t lie to you, you always see through it anyway so there’s no point.” You admitted a little quietly, fiddling with the sleeve of your jacket.
“Then tell me what’s going on. Please?” Eld took your shoulders, forcing you to look back up at him. Maybe you could tell him something…
“It’s… fuck, alright! It’s just, it’s Levi…” instantly his hands disappeared, returning back to his sides. The silence dragged, and you couldn’t help but regret ever saying anything.
“Is he dead or something?”
You huffed a relief fuelled laugh as you both resumed walking, thankful for the lighthearted shift in conversational tone. “No, I just– I mean we’re sort of–”
“So you are having secret tea dates!”
You levelled a flat stare toward his cocky, wry smile. It was, unfortunately for you, infectious.
“No. It was just, since Hange’s capture mission… I don’t know, things sort of, shifted, between us.”
Eld’s face dropped to something a little more serious in understanding, and you found yourself more grateful than ever for your best friend. “How so?”
“I don’t know, just, things got kinda weird, I don’t really–” you were cut off when Eld suddenly skipped ahead, theatrically bowing before you in a grand manner.
“Tell me your woes, oh princess, and I shall impart my endless wisdom upon you!” You barked bubbles of laughter at his antics, and it occurred to you he only did that to make you laugh again. Eld always had a way of putting you at ease, and things like this instantly shattered any tension you felt.
“You’re an idiot.”
“What? I don’t like seeing you upset, sue me.” He held up his hands in defence, though still smiling like a moron. You elbowed him as you walked past, shaking your head in amicable disbelief. “But seriously… what do you mean things shifted?”
You sighed, deciding to just bite the bullet. “I started to like him more than I thought I did. And then I realised, maybe I had always liked him like this, I just tried to drown it because of our circumstances. But now… things have shifted more than ever.” You weren’t about to delve into your half-baked theories about his own feelings. What you thought you knew had been thrown for a complete loop recently.
“And here I was thinking you were still hung up on yours truly.”
You felt him poke your temple, your head tilting to the side a little with the considerable force behind the gesture. “You’re a dick,” you bit back.
“I know~” Eld sang, still sporting a shit-eating grin.
“...I used to be.”
“...I know.” He sounded a little more solemn, and something strangely heavy suddenly weighed on your heart. You always had a suspicion he’d known about your old feelings, but neither of you had brought it up until now. Sort of an unspoken agreement.
“Well, since you so ungraciously rejected me, I went to find a connection elsewhere.” You tried to lighten the whirlwind mood, but he stayed silent. Your stomach dropped with sudden realisation before he’d even explained.
“I didn’t reject you. I just realised how I felt too late. You’d already moved on by the time I figured my shit out. Then Georgia came along and yeah, I fell in love with her. But I’m not about to lie and say I never felt like that toward you. I’m just glad we stayed close after we both moved on.” His confession had you breathless. All those years ago, your feelings had been reciprocated and you didn’t even realise. Seems like you were both morons, though it left a pleasant feeling in your chest. Knowing you weren’t alone. You stopped walking for the second time.
“Well then, Eld Jinn. I can finally say I am completely free of feelings for you, and thus I can finally say I love you without confusing you into thinking any deeper into it.” You grinned wildly, feeling as if heavy chains had just been removed from your shoulders.
Eld must have felt the same thing, because he reflected your smile. “I love you, too. Now let's go get your new man some tea.”
“This does not mean I’m above killing you and dumping your body in a nearby ditch.” Your flat delivery had him hollering, before crushing you with an arm around your shoulder.
“So soon after a love confession? The Captain better watch out.”
“Walls, I knew telling you was a terrible idea! Get off me, you oaf.” You shoved him off, biting your lip against your giddy smile. Though he’d never left, you were glad to have your best friend back to his usual self.
“Okay, okay, serious talk. You like the Captain, so what? Do you know how he feels?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. You gave him another one of your stares.
“If I knew how he felt, I wouldn’t be worried about it, would I?” You asked rhetorically, tempted to smack him round the head.
“Hmm, okay, good point. Why don’t you get him something from the market then? Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel, and that’s why he’s holding back? Either that or he’s not interested and you’d have been rejected by two men in the Special Ops squad,”
“You are such an asshole. Also, when have you ever seen Levi like a gift? He’s not that kind of man.” You did deliberate his suggestion for a second, but not once had you ever seen Levi happy to receive something. Your squad had tried once, to get him a token of your collective appreciation, and he didn’t even bat an eyelid.
“Shit, yeah. This is hard, you really know how to pick ‘em, don’t you?”
“You know you’re on that list of people I’ve picked, right?”
“Yeah, but I’m the only good one. The rest are awful.”
“There’s only three!”
“Oh? Who’s the third?”
“You think I’m answering that after how you’re behaving? Absolutely not.”
Eld borderline cackled, throwing his head back in hilarity. “Alright then, keep your secrets. But answer me one question.”
You eyed him suspiciously, not trusting the suddenly way too innocent look on his face. “Shoot.”
“Man or woman?”
“Oh, woman.” You answered honestly, smiling slightly as you thought back to your first crush. Your cadet corps days really were a long time ago, and you hated thinking about what happened to Ilse. Nobody deserved that.
“Interesting. Was that before or after–”
“Pretty sure I answered your one question.”
Eld once again threw his hands up in surrender as you walked through the streets of Trost. It was a shame you never really got many days off honestly, you loved the markets. They were so vibrant and busy, it made you feel there was hope for humanity, even if the war against titans was lost. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe everyone would survive.
“What’s his favourite tea?”
“Black.” You answered as if it were trivial, barely any thought needed to be put into your answer, you knew it instinctually. Though you turned to find Eld staring at you in disbelief. “What?”
“You didn’t even debate it.”
“I thought everyone knew that!”
“No, strangely enough, not everyone knows the inner workings of our captain’s tea preference,” Eld quipped back sarcastically, running his fingers through a soft, floral patterned scarf. “What about this?”
You looked over, before snorting loudly. “What, for Levi?”
“No dumbass, for Georgia. You think it would suit her?”
You crossed the street to where he was standing next to the stall, taking the scarf in your hands. The fabric was light and airy, paired with the pattern and the almost mint green colour, it reminded you of spring.
“When would she wear it? It’s beautiful, yeah, but is it practical? Like, could she wear it–”
“She’s not a soldier.” He interrupted with a coldness that had you snap your mouth shut. He was right. Georgia wasn’t a soldier, all her clothes didn’t need to be practical. She could afford to have things like this, that she could wear just for the hell of it. You sometimes forget that. That people can own things for the sake of owning things. You never saw the point. Being a Scout, it was likely you would die soon anyway, so what’s the point of collecting clutter that would no doubt be burned along with your body? If you even made it back.
You blinked at Eld. “Sorry?”
He blinked back at you. “Why are you apologising?”
You looked around. Who the fuck said that? Did you say that? Did you think that? Since when did your inner voice contribute anything other than your own thoughts? Maybe it was your own thought…
“Nothing, sorry, just thought you said something…”
Eld tilted his head a little, brow creased with worry. “Are you sure you’re okay? You still seem a bit…” rather than finding the words, Eld instead demonstrated how you seemed, swaying slightly on the spot and wiggling his arms.
“I’m not–” you repeated the movement, “You’re acting–” and again. Any onlookers to this conversation would wonder whether or not either of you were sane.
“I’m not the one who’s hearing things and being fucking–” Eld wiggled back at you, and you folded your arms defensively.
“Just get the fucking scarf, I have places to be.”
“No, it’s not practical enough.”
You scoffed. “You’re not buying it for me.”
“What if I was?”
“Then I would use it to hang you with.”
“Oh you really are a ray of sunshine today.”
“Well I’m not about to be all lovey-dovey after you accused me of being–” you wiggle. Eld rolled his eyes.
“You and the Captain are a match made in heaven, truly.”
“Shut the fuck up and get your damn scarf.”
Eld caught the attention of the stall-owner, and after haggling a little over prices, he walked away with a small paper package in his hands. You, however, were off in your own world, to the point where your companion had to tug on the neck of your jacket to get your attention.
“Yeah, welcome back to this reality. Tea-leaves.” You looked off to where he gestured, a sweet looking old lady behind a surprisingly large collection of different boxes, various beads and crochet patterns hung from the canvas shelter. There seemed to be less variety and more abundance, but honestly that didn’t surprise you. There was never much variation in consumables in Trost.
“How do I know which is black?” You whispered to Eld, trying to decipher the colour coding. He helpfully shrugged, scrutinising the choices before you. Most of them had white ribbons tied around the side of the box, only a handful had green and orange. Were they even all tea? Were any of them tea? How the fuck were you supposed to–
“Ah, the ones with the orange ribbons are black tea, my dear.” You looked up, smiling gratefully at the stall-owner. You wondered how she came to be a seller, but unfortunately you didn’t have time for a story.
“Oh! Thank you,” –you laughed sheepishly– “You have a lovely stall, did you make these yourself?” Your fingers gently grazed one of the small knitted decorations, a blue circle with a white eye in the centre.
“I did, yes. I have a lot of free time, you see.” She picked up a cardboard box with an orange ribbon for you and placed it in a bag, before not-so-subtly slipping in another with a purple ribbon.
“Oh, no, it’s okay, I only want the one box,” you tried, but this woman seemed adamant you get the two. You silently cried for your coin purse.
“I wouldn’t worry dear, send him my regards.”
You paused, looking between the bag of tea and Eld, who’s eyes had widened in surprise. “I’m sorry, send who your regards?” You asked tentatively.
“Well Captain Levi of course! Nobody else drinks the black stuff. Actually…” before you could even open your mouth, she had stuffed another box worth of tea inside the bag, and held it out for you. “Although he’s never sent anybody on his tea errands for him. You must be quite special, young lady.”
You felt heat rush to your face as you took the bag from her shaky, frail hands. “Ah, it’s less he sent me and more I sort of, messed it up for him, I felt kinda bad so–” you stopped upon seeing her face light up, her gasp cutting you off completely. Glancing out the corner of your eye, you cursed Eld’s existence as you watched him slowly sidle away.
“He shares his tea with you? Now you really are someone special to him! Come, come here, I must get a look at you.” She gestured wildly with her hands for you to step around the stall for her, and you looked desperately at Eld, who looked as if he were struggling to contain his amusement.
Careful to mind the various boxes, you managed to dexterously step in the free spaces behind her tables, the paper bag still awkwardly swinging in your hands. She looked as if she could cry.
“Oh, you’re wonderful aren’t you? Look at you! Very beautiful, I can see why he likes you. You know, I knew something had changed about him when he last visited, I just knew it! Oh my dear, you’re going to have such gorgeous children, I can see them now!” You choked as she clasped her hands together wistfully. You couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable if you tried. Though it was nice to hear you were having some kind of positive impact on him.
“Do you know him well?” Your curiosity got the better of you, and you couldn’t help yourself.
“Oh yes, I've been selling Captain Levi tea for years now! He always comes here, never early, never late, the same time every time. Says I’m the only vendor he trusts, sweet boy.”
You chuckled a little at that, and she looked confused. “Sorry, I just– well I’ve never heard anybody refer to Levi as a ‘sweet boy’ before. I know many who would disagree,”
“Oh but my dear, he is! He brings my grocery shopping to me every week! And every week he says the same: ‘This is the last time I’m doing this, your legs still work.’ But every week he’s back again. He stays for a bit sometimes, and we have a spot of tea. He never says much, but when he does it’s usually about his work, or his squad. Ah, what was your name?”
You stepped back to the front of her stall before divulging your name, now too hung up in this conversation to even notice Eld had completely disappeared. You’d been filled with an all consuming warmth at the idea of Levi delivering this woman her goods, and you couldn’t help the smile blossoming across your face. “You may not have heard of me, honestly. I can’t imagine I come up in–” you wondered if Levi was ever cut off by her gasping. It had just taken her a while to put a name to a face.
“I can’t believe I’m finally meeting you! Oh, this is fate, I just know it. I knew I should open up today. You know, I thought to myself this morning, ‘Now, Evelyn, something good will happen today.’ And here you are! You really are a wonderful girl, and an even more wonderful couple!” You had to blink a few times, because you thought there was no way this woman, Evelyn, had tears in her eyes.
Of course, you were wrong. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you weren’t a couple. Not when you could literally see her dreams reflecting in her weary eyes. “When was he last here?” You weren’t expecting her to fall silent for such a long time, counting on her arthritic fingers days, weeks or maybe even months.
“It must be two weeks, now. No! Forgive me, three weeks.”
You did the mental maths in your head, and cringed internally. That must have been the day after he saved your life. The day after things shifted drastically between you. Was he really running that low on tea? Now you just felt worse for wasting it, though the boxes in the paper bag should be enough to last him a lifetime. Or at least two evenings.
“Gotcha. Well, it was really great to meet you, Evelyn! I’ll send him your regards.” You smiled, only now noticing Eld had completely disappeared. Sneaky bastard.
“Oh yes, please do. Maybe you could come round sometime! I’ve always told him to bring someone with him…” You waved as she trailed off, both relieved and disappointed to be free of the conversation. You wanted to know what she had to say, how much she knew about him. Had he really mentioned you to the point where she knew you by name? You felt a little self-conscious. What the hell had he been saying?
Pushing the conversation to the back of your mind, you scanned the slightly crowded street, before spotting your blonde companion walking back towards you, two delicious looking bread rolls in his hand. You scowled.
“Are you fucking serious?”
Eld smiled with a mouthful of sandwich. “What? Thought I’d let you spend some time with your new best friend! I got you food so spare me your wrath. Goat’s cheese, lettuce and tomato.” He held out the sandwich as a metaphorical olive branch, and you felt your stomach rumble slightly. It was a bit early for lunch, but you weren't going to have much opportunity to eat by the time you got back, so you took it anyway.
“How much do I owe– oh shit, I didn’t pay her!” Your eyes widened in horror, realising not once in that exchange did you hand over any form of payment. Whirling round, you managed to spot her stall in the throng of people. But as you squinted against the sun, you found no trace of Evelyn.
As if she was never there.
Your boots echoed through the empty hallway as you hurried along to the courtroom. You were already ten minutes late after talking to Evelyn, and Eld seemed to have all the time in the fucking world, wanting to stop and look at nearly every stall. As much as you adored him, you could genuinely kill him sometimes.
You stopped, whirling round to spout as many apologies as it took for forgiveness, only to see nobody there. Peering over the bannister of the staircase, you found the hall below you empty. Not a soul in sight. This was starting to get to you now. The larger part of you wanted to just crawl back into bed, shut your eyes, and pretend nothing was happening. Pretend everything was still normal. Because trying to deal with the fact that you were now hearing fucking voices on top of everything else would probably drive you to insanity.
As if you weren’t already insane.
You cracked the double doors open a tad, recognising the voice of Pastor Nick, you thought. What the fuck was he doing here? What did this poor kid have to do with the Walls? Other than plugging up a giant fucking hole in one.
Hange turned their head at your arrival, stepping to the side slightly to make room for you next to Miche. You had a pretty good view up here, able to see the entire courtroom other than directly below you. Leaning against the railing, you couldn’t help but feel an instant pang of pity for the boy. Chained up and gawked at like an animal.
“I’m assuming Rico already said her piece.” You mumbled to the scientist, hearing them hum in confirmation.
“Yes, but Nile and Nick currently have the support of the public. Some merchants just want him dead, mostly for revenge. Levi put them down.”
“Obviously.” You smirk slightly, scanning the room and finding him standing next to Erwin. And as if feeling your gaze, Levi’s eyes rose to meet yours.
‘Where the fuck have you been?’ You knew that look, had seen it a thousand times before, and you almost winced from the unspoken question.
‘I’ll explain later.’ You responded silently.
“Knowing all of this, should we really invest in him? Money, manpower, perhaps the very fates of us all!” You rolled your eyes. People could be really dramatic sometimes, honestly. Levi clearly thought the same, and you barely stifled a snicker at his expression of disinterest. How the hell could they just want to dissect him? He’s a fucking child for fuck’s sake. Sure, he has a terrifying power that you’d never seen before… but he was still just a fucking kid.
The courtroom fell into a soft hum of mumbling, clearly in favour of killing a kid. But your eyes widened the second they started hurling out random accusations. Gaze following the finger of accusation, you looked at the black-haired girl, too stunned to speak. The fuck had she done? Why was this courtroom so trigger-happy? What possible evidence was there for her? Your heart broke for Eren Jaeger as he tried to fight back. Was that his girl? Poor kid…
The entire room fell silent, and you couldn’t deny you jumped a bit. Even Hange next to you seemed to react. This one kid had managed to stun every person in the court. Impressive.
Your smile only grew as he kept talking, dragging selfish agendas into the spotlight, questioning the bravery of the Military Police, challenging their weakness. There’s no sense in having power if you’re not gonna use it to fight. You liked that phrase, it made you think of Levi, who you knew placed all his strength in fighting. Your eyes flickered back to him clenching his jaw. Oh shit, he was about to do something.
But you scoffed in delighted disbelief the moment Eren Jaeger accused the entire right hand side of the courtroom of cowardice. Both Miche and Hange either side of you snorted in amusement. This wasn’t going to end well, you knew that, but you also understood that he knew that. You understood that this kid likely knew he was going to die today. Why not go out with a bang? Your heart broke again, the sheer desperation lacing his screams pierced your chest, and you knew this trial was over when a gun was pointed in his direction.
Inevitable, but sad.
Your eyes bugged at the tooth clacking against the floor, the product of a brutal kick to the face. This was… much less inevitable. You knew Levi was about to do something, but you thought he was just going to say a bunch of shit to get people on his side. Though in hindsight, it was a stupid thing to think. When the fuck has Levi ever said anything that managed to get people on his side? They would much sooner run the other way. Other than Evelyn, you thought vaguely.
But you, and every other Scout in the room, looked on blankly as Levi kicked the ever-loving shit out of Eren, everybody coming to the same conclusion. This was necessary, his was needed. You needed to prove that this titan-shifting kid posed no threat to the Scouts. Or more specifically, posed no threat to Levi. So not one of you winced when the sickening cracks of wet impact shattered the silence. Not one of you looked away. If one of you looked weak, then all of you would look weak.
Even if it was difficult to watch. Taking a moment to mentally breathe, your eyes widened for a second time at the sudden slight pain in your legs, your foot pulsing slightly. From where, you had no idea, but a theory formed in your head. With each brutal impact, your own foot, knee, shin, flared slightly. It reminded you of sparring with him.
You knew for a fact Levi didn’t think the best teaching method was pain, and you were almost angry he leaned into the apathetic monster his reputation had garnered him. You fucking hated it when he did this shit. This wasn’t him, it was a version of him that inspired fear-induced hope. Because nobody could do what he does. Nobody could fight like he does. But that didn’t make him some fucking monster. Your sudden hatred for the room burned so bright you were mildly concerned that the sandwich earlier had given you indigestion. They pushed him to do this. He wouldn’t have had to do this if they’d just fucking listened.
He wouldn’t have to burden himself with weighted guilt.
“H-hold on a minute, Levi.” You heard Nile stammer from below, and once again you barely concealed your snicker at the Captain’s disgruntled response. Nile clearly didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the demonstration, since he kept going on about the kid getting pissed and turning titan. You managed a small eye-roll.
“You guys just want to dissect him, right? Let me ask you this, if it came down to it, could any of you kill him?” Levi didn’t need to clarify, the whole room could read between the lines. They sure as shit couldn’t kill him. But he could.
Erwin raised his arm, finally deciding it time for him to speak up. Better late than never, you thought. “I have a proposition to make, Premier. There is still too much we don’t know, and I don’t doubt the danger of our situation, so I present this: Eren Jaeger be placed under Captain Levi’s supervision, and we shall conduct a recon mission outside of the walls. If he can successfully control his ability, Eren would have proven himself to mankind.”
“Looks like you have a new squad member.” Hange murmured to you a little smugly, and you bit your tongue. Okay, maybe this wasn’t as ideal as you originally thought it was going to be. Now the fact he could barely control himself posed a bit of a problem. Sure, Levi could easily dispose of him, but how many would be hurt in the process? You wouldn’t hesitate to step in if any of your squad was under threat from him. Not for a second. Levi must know that.
“Very well then, I have made my decision.” The Premier called an end to the trial with a single crack of the gavel, and the grumbling crowd started to dissolve. You stayed for a second to watch the manacles binding Eren’s hands be unlocked before you left to follow Hange. You assumed this was where introductions started, for you at least. You knew Hange and Miche had already formally introduced themselves, and Erwin and Levi had paid him a visit in his cell. Poor kid.
“Well, that was eventful! Let’s go say hi! I’m sure he’d like to meet you since you command Levi squad when the Captain’s absent.”
You nodded vaguely, not really listening to what Hange was saying. Something had changed in the world, and not just between you and Levi. You couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to get a whole lot worse…
“Oh, wait here for a second, I just have to pick something up!” You did as they asked, loitering in the hall for a second before they returned with a beaming smile.
“I actually don’t even want to know…” you muttered, falling back into step alongside them, though they seemed to borderline skip down the corridor, and you fought to keep your mouth shut. How the fuck were they so happy about this?
Oh. Experiments. Right… Poor kid.
“Well, that was the best possible outcome.” Hange sang as you opened the door, finding poor Eren sitting on a couch nursing his bruises and cuts, cradling his likely cracked jaw. You were honestly surprised nothing had broken.
“We’ll see.” You responded quietly, leaning against the far wall with your arms crossed. It wasn’t that you didn’t like the kid. You honestly didn’t know him well enough to judge. It was more the threat he posed to your comrades, who he was now going to be in close contact with. The door opened again briefly, and Miche, Levi and Erwin joined the small gathering. You locked eyes with Levi, communicating your concerns with this decision. He responded with nothing. Rude.
“Does it still hurt, Eren?” Hange asked, having begun cleaning and disinfecting any open scrapes.
“Yeah… it does.” The kid responded hesitantly, now acutely aware of the company he was keeping.
“Really? Describe it to me.”
You wrinkled your nose at the back of Hange’s head, once again tempted to smack the side of it. Your jaw tensed as Levi sat down a little too close, your mistrust instantly rearing to the forefront of your mind. You were clearly being a little too obvious, because he sent you a quizzical look. You ignored it.
“You don’t resent me now, do you Eren?” You barely managed to stifle an eyeroll. Honestly, you’d be surprised if he didn’t, even if it was necessary. You would most certainly have a few unsavoury thoughts if someone you’d only ever met once decided to kick the shit out of you. Even if that someone happened to be the legendary Strongest Soldier.
“N-no, Sir. I understand it was necessary.” You were getting a little sick of being proven wrong. Levi glanced back at you. ‘See?’
You didn’t respond again.
“I apologise for the necessary actions taken Eren, but it’s good to have you on board.” Erwin’s bassy voice joined the room, and you straightened out of habit. Hange moved over slightly to allow the Commander to kneel before the boy, holding out his hand for Eren to shake. “Welcome to the Scouts.” Though you couldn’t see his face, you knew the man was smiling his usual pleasantries. What a joke.
“Ah! Of course, introductions! You’ve already met most of us, but in case you’ve forgotten, my name’s Hange Zoë, that there’s Miche, you obviously know Levi, but that,” they nodded in your direction, and you raised your chin as they named you for the kid, “is Levi’s Second in the Special Operations Squad. She’ll most likely be looking after you when Levi’s not around,”
You unfolded your arms and took a step forward, surveying him. “I’m not a babysitter, so you better pull your weight, kid.” It wasn’t that you meant to be hostile, but once again your blunt soldier attitude had got the better of you. Though, impressively, he seemed unphased, but rather more determined to prove himself.
“Got it! I won’t let you down!” You couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance to Oluo in his words. You really hoped this kid was nothing like him…
“Good to hear, welcome to the team.” You gave him a steely, impressed smile. Though you weren’t completely convinced this was a good idea, you can’t deny he had guts. Levi noticed it too, he must have. Because he looked at you approvingly when he realised you saw it too.
With not a lot left to say, having only been here for introductions, you took that as your cue to leave. Nodding swiftly to Hange, you crossed to the door and stepped out into the blissful silence. You didn’t care why it was so quiet, you were honestly just grateful for the short reprieve. Today had been… eventful, to say the least, and your conversation with Eld seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had happened. Honestly, you just wanted to crawl back into bed and lie there for eternity.
Before you could make it very far at all, you were stopped by that far too familiar voice calling you back. You couldn’t help but think this wasn’t the time to talk, but there wasn’t a lot you could do when you’d just received a direct order from your captain. The echoing of your boots ceased as you stopped in your tracks, pausing a moment before turning round.
Levi narrowed his eyes. You’d been off. And not your usual exhaustion kind-of-off – something was wrong, and he wanted to nip it in the bud before it got any worse. He forced all and any images of your ecstasy twisted face from his mind. Now was not the time to think about that. It was clear you weren’t about to walk back to him, and despite wanting to take control of the conversation, he still found himself walking up to you, surveying your expression. He’d seen the look you gave him earlier, he knew how uneasy you felt. Honestly? He kind of felt it too, in a weird way. Though it didn’t feel like his own. It felt somewhat distant, like an echo of trepidation in his heart.
“You were late. What, you got stuck taking a shit or something?” If you were being honest, you found it incredibly endearing the way he tried to make you feel at ease. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t work. Tension drained from your shoulders, and you took a breath. The first you’d taken since this whole titan shifting thing started.
“Not at all! Just got stuck hearing about your good deeds about town. Who knew you were such a saint?” You teased breezily as you started to walk again, Levi now by your side looking a little confused.
“The hell are you talking about? I haven’t done any–”
“Evelyn sends her regards, by the way.” You grinned cheekily as he almost choked.
Evelyn. Fucking Evelyn. Of course you ran into Evelyn. Of all people you could have seen today, you ran into fucking Evelyn. Oh, he was definitely forgetting her second cabbage next week.
You noticed the way he had stiffened slightly, and your heart only grew. How could somebody so terrifying to the people, be so fucking sweet? “Relax. It’s really kind of you. Though she did refer to you as a ‘sweet boy’ which, uh, was unexpected. She’s really fond of you, Levi.” You reassured, gently. Neither of you had realised you’d instinctually taken the route back to his office, before you found yourselves once again standing outside it.
“Why were you buying tea?” He inquired a little wryly, leaning against the doorframe. You shit you didn’t think this far ahead. Of course he was going to question why you were there.
“I, uh, felt bad. For wasting what I did, so just, yeah, went and bought more. That’s all.” You mumbled a little too quietly.
As much as Levi wanted to tease you for it, he could barely get past the sudden lump in his throat and returning stutter in his heart. You’d done that for him. You had gone out especially and bought something for him. He was never usually materialistic, so why the hell did this mean so much to him?
“And yeah, got talking to the old lady who ran the place. She was really nice, though it was kind of creepy how she knew it was for you.. Didn’t even ask, just told me to send her regards.” You explained further, avoiding eye-contact. Levi found his lips twitching slightly, pulling up into a little smile. “Oh, and she gave it all to me for free. As well as two other boxes… Honestly I think she was a ghost,”
Levi chuckled. How could he not? You were just so… you. So utterly perfect. There was no thought in his actions when he absently opened the door to his office and stepped inside. You, too, followed without thought, and the fact this had become such a natural occurrence emptied butterflies into his stomach. He’d grown to understand nothing could stifle them. Nothing could calm his stuttering heartbeat, nor the enveloping warmth in his chest, simply from your proximity. He both hated and adored it. Nobody had ever done this to him. This was completely new, all of it.
“What did you think of the trial?” He couldn’t tell whether you’d been talking for hours, or minutes. How many topics had he seemingly talked with you whilst wrapped up in his head? How much had he said whilst his mind was occupied with the way your lips moved as you talked. With how much he wanted to feel them on his.
You sighed, smoothing down your eyebrow with two fingers. “Obviously it went as well as it possibly could have.” It was the most diplomatic answer.
“...But?” Levi encouraged. He just wanted to know what you thought. Whether or not he did the right thing. He needed your support with this.
“I just.. Our squad? Really? He’s unpredictable… I just, I don’t know, what if something goes wrong? What if he loses control again?”
“Then I’ll deal with it.”
You huffed in morose amusement. “I don’t think your foresight works with the rest of the squad…” You pretended not to notice Levi stiffen next to you. You’d only spoken briefly on this subject, and honestly you didn’t really know how to breach it again. This was the best you had.
“So… we’re acknowledging it now…?” Levi asked hesitantly. It was almost strange to hear him speak with such trepidation. You’d hardly ever heard him uncertain about anything, speaking with a conviction you could only envy.
“Sort of difficult not to… besides, we already sort of acknowledged it… but yeah, I think it would be a good idea to discuss what the fuck is going on.” You sounded a lot more confident than you felt, and judging by the way Levi looked at you, he knew that. He knew you were a little nervous about this, most likely because he was too. Neither of you understood what was happening. It was both a blessing and a curse.
As if he couldn’t carry the weight of this conversation on his feet, Levi took a seat on the couch, prompting you to sit too. Not too close, but close enough that your thighs were almost touching. A silence fell over the room, but not an awkward one, more something a little thoughtful. It was always like that between you and Levi. Silences were never particularly uncomfortable. Only a few times when things have been left unsaid between you.
You cleared your throat. “We could start with how we saw the same thing? My death, as fucking morbid as that is.”
Levi looked at you, contemplating your choice of words. ‘Fucking morbid,’ he remembered thinking when he got lost in his head, thinking about the impermanence of possessions. That was him… right? But the thought of talking about your death twisted something painful in his heart. He didn’t want to talk about that. He never wanted to talk about that. Never wanted to even think about it. You couldn’t die. That was the solution. He would never, ever, under any circumstance, let you die. It just wasn’t going to happen.
Garnering no response from him, seeing he was a little lost in his head, you decided to try something. Steeling your nerves a little, you reached over, and harshly flicked the top of his ear.
As well as earning yourself a glare of confused disbelief, you also confirmed a theory you had, in the way your own ear echoed in response. “I had a feeling that would happen…” you muttered.
“The fuck was that for?”
“Testing something. And confirming it. I can feel your pain. I’ve felt it before.” He hoped it was only physical pain you could feel. “Back when you hurt your ribs, every sparring session… I can feel it…” your voice quietened to a whisper, not really sure where to proceed from here. Until Levi flicked your ear in retaliation. “Fucking– Ow!” You grimaced, cradling the side of your head dramatically.
“Wouldn’t you know it, I feel yours too.” Levi drawled, alerting you to the fact he already knew, he just wanted to get you back. You scowled, and he returned it with a flat stare. One that, for some fucking reason, made you smile.
“Says the woman that’s now bound to me.”
You both stopped, a picture of shock. Eyes stuck wide, mouth slightly parted, you processed his words. Bound?
It was a moment of weakness – a moment of vulnerability – and it just slipped out. He didn’t even know if that was what’s happening. He didn’t even know if he did bond with you. Truthfully, he didn’t really know what that meant.
You broke the heavy silence with a whisper; “Is that what this is…?” you asked, unsure of what ‘this’ implied.
Levi paused, not knowing what to do or say. “I… I don’t know, truthfully. I don’t know much. Only that all Ackermans are connected in some way. We all have a moment where something in us snaps, and we can suddenly take on the world. That urge is stronger when you’re– when you’re in danger.”
Levi’s entire body shivered as you took his hand in your own, his heartbeat slowing to match the slow swipes of your thumb across his scarred knuckles, and his voice cut off, praying you would take over for a second so he could recollect himself. And like so many times before, you answered his prayers. “I don’t really get the same overwhelming urge to take on the world, but I know that if you ever, ever die saving my life, I would never fucking forgive you, Levi.”
He looked at you in that moment, and saw the same unwavering conviction he was almost jealous of. Saw in your eyes every unspoken promise he had ever made to you. He never thought it was reciprocated. If he was being totally honest with himself, he genuinely thought you most likely had something going with Eld. That thought now was almost laughable.
“Might want to prepare yourself for a life of bitter resentment then.” Though humour was implied, there was nothing in his tone to suggest such a thing. Because he would. He would die to save your life. Happily. He wouldn’t even think twice; protecting you was all that fucking mattered now.
“I’ll just drag your sorry ass back from wherever the fuck you end up.” Levi’s chest hummed with thoughtful laughter, and your soul sang along with him. He surveyed your expression briefly, absently taking a piece of your hair between his fingers.
“You were annoyed at me today.”
“You could feel that?”
Levi stared at you blankly. “I don’t need to be bound to you to feel when you’re pissed at me. Your glare is enough.”
“Are you familiar with the phrase pot kettle black?” You teased lightly, earning yourself a flick to your forehead. You saw with satisfaction that he blinked a flinch. “Can’t really do that anymore can you?”
Levi clenched his jaw in faux irritation at your continued teasing.
“I’ll think of something else to do when you’re a brat.”
You tried your very best not to bite your lip at that statement. For all you knew, he could feel what you feel. Everything you feel. Though it hadn’t clicked yet. “But really, you were annoyed at me. Why?” He asked, and you couldn’t bear to hear the ever so slight hurt in his voice.
You sighed heavily, “It wasn’t that I was annoyed at you–” Levi silently interrupted you with a raised brow of snarky disbelief, “–alright, I was a little. But more so at the fuckers in the trial. They’re selfish agendas pushed you to the point where you had to prove you were the heartless monster they believed you are. Your reputation… it’s not you.”
Levi didn’t have the heart to tell you how wrong you were. His reputation was exactly who he was. “Why does it matter to you what they believe?”
“Because you matter to me, in case you hadn’t noticed. And I just–” you cut yourself off, taking a moment to think. Should you really tell him? Should you tell him that you see it? You see what it does to him? The twisting guilt you know he feels every time he loses a comrade. How hard he’s tried to numb himself to that kind of pain, but nobody’s immune. You feel like telling him would only make it worse. “It just pisses me off that you have to do that shit just to get past their own self-driven reasoning. That’s all.”
Levi’s perception of you had been wrong. You were a terrible liar. Or maybe he could just tell because of this whole bond thing. Either way, he wondered what you wanted to say, and tried to stifle his hurt at the fact you couldn’t feel like you could say it. You still couldn’t be completely open with him. Though what did he expect, when he’d never been completely open with anyone in his life. Not even Commander Erwin.
What he hadn’t noticed, though, was your subtle slide closer until goosebumps prickled on his skin at the feeling of your thigh now against his. He briefly wondered if you felt that way too. Wondered if you felt the same buzz where his breath caressed your skin, where his eyes flickered to your lips. Did you feel the same urge to kiss him as he did to kiss you? He fucking hoped you did. He asked you, flicking between your lidded irises as you scanned his face.
You didn’t respond verbally. You didn’t need to. Not when you were so close your lips barely grazed, ghosting touches on soft skin. You tilted your head slightly, lids mimicking your fluttering heartbeat as they closed.
Levi found himself completely spellbound by you, heart glowing with lovestruck anticipation. The hand fiddling with your hair slowly, hesitantly, broadened to cup the side of your face. He’d been wanting to hold you like this for so long, he could barely breathe. Soul humming, eyes closing, mind reeling, Levi closed the gap between you.
Only to be cut millimetres away from you by a harsh rapping against the office door.
You pulled back almost instantly, as if nothing had happened. Levi grit his teeth against a torrent of vicious curses. His skin still thrummed with your proximity as he looked at your now guilt ridden expression.
“I should, uh–” you began, gathering yourself to leave.
But Levi cut you off. “Stay.”
There was no room for argument before he stood to open the door to Commander Erwin, who looked just as surprised to see you as you did to see him. You nodded in respectful greeting, a greeting he returned.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” You waved off any sort of suspicion he held. No doubt he most likely suspected something anyway, so there wasn’t much he could do.
“That’s alright, Commander. I was actually just leaving.” Levi tried to pretend his soul didn’t shatter at those words.
“Ah, just as well. Hange wants to start straight away, so your squad will be taking the trip to the old headquarters in an hour.” Levi turned to look back at you as you stood from your seat, straightening your jacket.
No, his jacket, he recognised. Though the moment between you had once again been cut short, he could barely suppress his smile at the realisation. You still wore it. He wondered if you knew he still wore your hoodie?
“Then I’d best get going then, good to–”
Levi turned back to you, “I need to talk with you first. Adding Jaeger to the squad presents complications, and I want these failsafes finalised with the rest of the squad before we arrive.”
You blinked at Levi, who seemed to give you a look of ‘see? I can lie easily too.’ You bit your tongue to suppress your grin.
“I see. Don’t take too long.” Erwin nodded, before taking his leave. You couldn’t help but think his entire arrival was to just interrupt you and Levi. But nobody had a sixth sense like that.
Although… with recent developments, you weren’t so sure.
You looked at each other for a moment, before a melancholic smile pulled at your lips. “I’m uh, sorry. For that,” you glanced back to the couch, as if you could see the ghosts of your recent past, “It was unprofess–”
“Don’t. Did you see me pulling back?” You were surprised at the blunt nature of the question, though you couldn’t explain why. Levi had always been blunt, but you assumed that, for things like this, he’d be a little more coy. Though the second your eyes caught the soft, rosy tint on his cheeks, you felt your stomach perform somersaults. “Don’t apologise for shit you don’t need to, got it?”
You nodded. “Y-yeah, got it. S–” he stopped you with another raised brow, “...Not sorry.” You announced with faux pride. Levi clicked his tongue to avoid laughing.
“Tch, go get your shit together. We’re leaving in an hour.” He almost winced at his accidental tone of dismissal, afraid that it would have the same effect as all those weeks ago, but you just smiled back. He wondered what the fuck he did right to be able to bond with you, if only on a surface level.
You stopped before him, hesitating to leave briefly. You thought about going to kiss him again, only this time actually landing, but the moment seemed to have passed. So you settled for the next best thing.
And Levi didn’t know what to do with himself when your soft lips pressed against his cheek. A thrill shot through his nerves, and he fought to keep his breathing steady, as you lingered slightly, before pulling back all too soon. What he wouldn’t give to have you stay forever.
“Thank you.” You murmured, and before he could question why, you were out the door. And he was left with nothing but the lingering feeling of your lips on his cheek, and the blossoming warmth seeding from his beating heart.