#levi ackerman x reader
i-ate-grass-once 2 days ago
Levi in a suit馃槍
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Just trying to clear out my pictures
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m-jelly 2 days ago
Good little changes
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amazing banner by @kenkopanda-art
Pairing: Mafia!Levi x Reader
Genre and tags: Being a couple, romance, cute, fluff, happy Levi.
Concept: As Levi works in the mafia, people are starting to notice little changes with their boss. He's gaining weight, brings in lunch, the bags under his eyes are gone, he has cute plasters over wounds, his hand gel is sweet-smelling, and his ties are getting cute as well. People are wondering what's happened to their big scary boss because he's not shouting much either. They try to push it and discover he's got a girlfriend who he worships to death, you.
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Connie looked at his watch and checked the time. He glanced up to see his boss walking into work at nine in the morning. He was so used to Levi always being at work, that seeing him walking in was strange.
Levi gave Connie a small smile. "Morning Connie."
Connie's eyes widened. "M-Morning sir!"
"You should go on break for a bit. You need rest."
"Sir?" Connie felt like an alien was possibly in Levi's skin. "Sure." He followed his boss into his office. "Can I get you anything?"
Levi shook his head. "No, everything is good."
Connie watched his boss tap away on his phone and smile. "Okay..."
Levi glanced up. "Can I get you anything? Do you need something? You need anything extra?"
"No...everything is great."
"Good. Now go take that break."
Connie frowned a little. "Yes...sir..." He left his boss's office and went to the break room to see his friends there. He sat down with his brows furrowed. "The boss is acting weird."
Sasha hummed. "Weird how?"
"He smiled at me."
Jean snorted. "Fuck off."
Connie locked eyes with his friend. "I'm not lying! He smiled at me and he was smiling at his phone too. He came in a nine!"
Sasha looked at her phone. "Nine? But he always stays over here."
"He came in at nine."
Jean hummed. "So, he's sleeping, working sensible hours and is happy?"
Sasha rested her cheek on her hand. "Maybe he has a therapist?"
Connie ruffled his hair. "Maybe..."
A few days later...
Sasha slipped into Levi's office with reports. She placed them down and saw a cute bento box open next to Levi, along with a pretty thermos. She handed the work over as she stared at the food in the bento.
Levi looked through the papers and hummed. "You can't have my lunch. My lunch is special." He looked up at Sasha. "But it's very good."
She gulped hard. "It looks delicious."
"I'll pass on that message." He signed off on the papers and handed them over showing off a plaster on his knuckle with a cute chubby dinosaur on. "What?"
She grabbed the papers. "Sorry, I was just looking at your plaster."
Levi looked down at it and smiled. "It's cute, right?"
"Cute? Uh, yeah! I really love it."
He smiled at Sasha. "Me too."
She stepped back. "I'll get these papers sorted. Thanks, sir."
Levi waved to her. "Not a problem."
A week later...
Jean walked with Connie and Sasha as they felt terrfied of what Levi was going to say to them. He knocked on the door and walked in when Levi said enter. He bowed to his boss. "Sir."
Levi sighed. "What can I do for you?"
Jean stood up and stared at Levi's tie, it had cute little sharks on it and tiny hearts. "Um..."
Jean gulped. "Oh, umm...we messed up. We were protecting a club of yours and a rival mafia member came to see us. We chased him down, but it was a distraction. Basically, your club got messed up. They broke things and spray painted. They didn't get anything important though. We're so sorry."
Levi stared at them as they bowed deeply. "Are you three okay?"
Connie stood up. "Huh?"
Levi got up and walked closer. "I said, are you three okay? Did you get hurt?"
Sasha frowned. "We're okay."
"Good." He let out a long sigh. "I'm glad. I wouldn't want you three to get hurt just because of a club."
Jean rubbed the back of his neck. "Sir?"
Levi smiled a little. "Just fix it as soon as you two can, okay? I trust you three."
"Uhh...yes sir."
Levi walked back to his desk and grabbed his hand sanitizer and put it on. "Don't push yourselves too much."
Sasha leaned over and whispered. "Is that sweetie hand sanitizer?"
"Yes." He smiled at Sasha jumping at him hearing. "You want some?"
She walked over and offered her hand. "Sure."
He gave her some. "Smells nice, right?"
She hummed. "Perfect."
He looked at his watch. "I need to head out. Go home you three and deal with the club tomorrow." He packed up his things. "You need to rest as much as possible. See you tomorrow."
A few days later...
Jean walked up to his friends staring at you in a summer dress. "What are you two doing?"
Connie pointed. "What's with the pretty lady?"
Jean stared at you and remembered you from the club. He'd gone with Levi and Mike for a job over a month ago. You had walked right up to Levi and told him how much of an asshole he was for being in the mafia, then slapped him hard. Jean had thought you were dead, but his boss had surprised him and chased after you. He had no clue what had happened after, but now it all clicked. Levi was dating you.
"Huh." Jean smiled. "I believe she is our boss's girlfriend."
Connie smirked. "So, that's what the boss needed, a good fuck! She much be great in the sack."
Sasha heard someone step behind Connie. She turned her head to see Levi stood there. She gasped and shook her friend. "Connie?"
"What? Oh, I bet he's kinky in hell in bed. Maybe he likes to dominate?"
He looked at Sasha and felt this coldness behind him. His eyes went wide in fear. "He's behind me, isn't he?" He whipped around to face his very angry looking boss. "S-sir!"
Levi clenched his jaw. "Springer."
Connie gulped hard. "I'll go on cleaning duty for two months alone, mainly the toilets."
"Guard duty too for six months! Night shift!"
Levi hummed. "Get to work then." He watched Connie run away. "You two have anything to say?"
Sasha shook her head. "No!"
Jean gulped hard. "Nothing."
Levi narrowed his eyes a little as he studied them. He smiled and perked up. "Good."
Sasha fiddled with her top. "So, did your girlfriend make you all those lunches?"
"She did. She was very happy when you said it looked delicious."
"She get you those cute ties and hankies?"
He looked down at his tie with little chubby bears on. "Yeah. They're great, aren't they?" He looked up. "She also gave me that sweet hand sanitizer you liked."
She hummed a laugh. "You seem happier."
"I am."
Jean smiled. "Love at first slap."
Levi stared at Jean, then chuckled. "You're right."
Jean thought he was going to die in that small moment, but he was safe for now. "You should go see your mrs."
Levi nodded at them both. "Good work on the club, by the way." He jogged over to you and hugged you. "Hey beautiful."
You hugged Levi tightly. "Hi!" You pulled back and smiled. "I'm so glad you invited me here. I'm looking forward to meeting everyone."
Levi kissed you and hummed. "I'll introduce you to Erwin today, but Hange will wait."
You cupped his face. "Why's that?"
He let out a long sigh. "I'm not mentally ready for the madness that comes with letting them know I'm in love."
You giggled. "Alright."
"LEVI!" You both looked over to Hange. Hange pointed at you both. "GIRLFRIEND!"
Levi groaned. "Fuck me."
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itssummerok a day ago
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levi聽 +聽鈥淵ou don鈥檛 have to act so tough. It鈥檚 ok to let other people care for you sometimes.鈥
content: levi x reader, fluff, modern!au
A savory aroma teases itself into Levi鈥檚 nose and awakens him from his already fitful sleep. His hand instinctively searches for you on the bed only to be met with cold, empty sheets. Levi鈥檚 vision gradually returns as his lids slowly open and those dark eyes search for where you might be. He sits up, hair a mess on top of his head and bags under his eyes. The headache between his eyebrows is relentless and makes him want to sink back into the covers, but he wants to be sure of your whereabouts first. 聽
鈥淵/N?,鈥 he calls out. There鈥檚 no answer, but there is still the aromatic smell of food coming from elsewhere in the house. You must be cooking something. 聽
Levi鈥檚 suspicion is confirmed when you appear in the doorway, hair tied back and hands busy with a bowl of soup. 鈥淗eya, stranger, look who鈥檚 up! Have a nice nap?鈥
He gives you his usual deadpan look as he eyes the dish of food in your hands. 鈥淵ou made soup?鈥
鈥淵up!,鈥 you chirp and set the bowl down on the nightstand in favor of grabbing a bed tray to place in front of your love. 鈥淚 thought it might help with that nasty cold you have!鈥 You make sure the miniature table is secure before stationing the soup down on top of it. 聽
鈥淭ch.,鈥 Levi hums in disapproval. 鈥淚鈥檓 not that unwell, you don鈥檛 have to treat me like a baby, y鈥檏now.鈥 聽
You cross your arms over your chest. There鈥檚 silence for a minute as Levi gazes up at you from his spot on the bed and studies the stern look on your face, one that lets him know you see right through his macho man persona. 鈥淟evi, you were sneezing up a storm last night and your headache was killing you. Not to mention your throat was so sore you could barely speak. Now eat the soup.鈥
His eyebrows raise at your commanding tone, but that fearsome look in your eye humbles him enough to have him bending to your will. He takes the spoon in his dominant hand and uses it to stir the broth around before trying it. Levi gives you one more questioning glance, but you stand firm on your demand. Even if you had to sit here and watch him the entire time, you鈥檙e gonna make sure he eats at least half that bowl. 聽
You鈥檙e pleased when Levi puts the first spoonful of soup in his mouth. You can tell he enjoys it, but of course he wouldn鈥檛 be too explicit in his emotions about it. 聽
The bowl is small, and Levi definitely finds the soup delicious, so it鈥檚 not too long before it鈥檚 all gone. You sit down next to him on his side of the bed, smoothing his hair down and kissing him on the forehead. 鈥淪ee, that wasn鈥檛 too bad, was it, grumpy?鈥
He only gives a grunt before placing the utensil inside the bowl. You tilt your head as you give him an amused smirk and aanother kiss on the cheek, and then remove the bed tray out of his way so he can lay down again. 聽
鈥淒on鈥檛 you feel so much better, love? I bet it made you feel all warm inside and it鈥檒l soothe that ache in your throat.鈥 You glance at him through the mirror attached to the dresser. He鈥檚 reaching for one of the napkins he keeps on his nightstand.
You exit the room to put the bowl and spoon in the sink but return shortly with a glass of water for your lover. Levi tries not to look too eager when he takes it from your hands, but he鈥檚 not too discreet. He downs the water and sets the glass on the stand, then lolls his head onto your shoulder.
You pepper his face with a few more kisses, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Ya know you don鈥檛 have to act so tough, it鈥檚 okay to let other people care for you sometimes.鈥
He breathes out a sigh and leans into your embrace. 鈥淵eah, fine.鈥 Despite his standoffish response, he gives your hand a light squeeze. His own personal way of saying 鈥榯hank you.鈥 鈥淥ne more thing, Y/N.鈥
鈥淗m?鈥 You lean in to give him another kiss on the cheek but are met with his hand covering your mouth. Your eyes widen in surprise as your boyfriend gives you the tiniest of smiles before teasingly saying, 鈥淪top it the with kisses, brat. You鈥檙e going to get yourself sick.鈥
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nelapanela94 2 days ago
Okay but what if you took Levi on his first picnic?
He didn't understand the word, or eating outside on a blanket on the ground or anything.
He whines the entire way. "You want me to get dirty?" "Eat with my hands?" "But there's ants."
And you're a giggling mess at his complaints and finally just tell him to shut up and while he's stunned into silence you start moving everything out of the way and lay down and try to pull him with you.
"You want me to LAY out here?"
"Yes!" And you're serious, so he does.
"The sun is in my eyes."
"Then close them."
So he does and and you get cozy against him and draw little circles on his chest until he finally hears your breathing steady. Then he takes it all in, and feels the slight breeze, and the warmth on his skin, and hears the stream running nearby, and it's so peaceful, you're the one waking him up just a short time later.
"So, can we try again next week?" That's him, asking you! :)
Eliza!!! this is so cute. Y/N taking Captain grumpy pants to his first picnic and he can't stop niggling
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t.w: fluff
w.c: ~2K
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Blowing out a sigh, Levi slips into his pocket the note you left on his desk yesterday. His svelte fingers run through his silky hair, sweeping off the meddlesome strands of his eyes. He sticks a mental post it note to remind himself to schedule an urgent haircut.
Petrichor is dank in the air; the grass glistened in the dew of the early morning rain. 聽He tugs the collar of his white linen shirt, scratching an itch on his neck, and looks up at the clear sky. He squints and shades his eyes against the intense brightness of the sun with a hand. In a short time, the mist will leave a gross tacky layer on his skin.
Spending his day off in the bathtub with you would have been a more pleasant plan. But he would never say no to the schemes you cooked up in your head鈥搕he ones involving him. At the end of the day, he ends up giving in to your big puppy eyes. 聽聽
鈥淪orry for making you wait.鈥 He feels your melodious voice coming from behind, followed by one arm winding around him. 鈥淚 had to double check we got everything.鈥 On your other arm hangs a wicker basket that cuts off your circulation, and you can feel your hand starting to tingle.
You plant a sweet kiss on his shoulder and steered around him, till you鈥檙e standing before him, and another kiss catches him out of guard.
鈥淗ey,鈥 he muses when you pull apart, and spots the basket brimming with everything you found in the kitchen. 鈥淲hat鈥檚 that?鈥
鈥淎 basket with food,鈥 you say, swaying it like a pendulum in your arm.
Levi rolls his eyes. 鈥淚 mean, what鈥檚 that for?鈥 he demands and grabs the handle, and a smile draws on his face when he notices what you鈥檙e wearing. A white tie-strap midi dress you confectioned yourself with a rayon fabric he bought for you in the market, complemented with a red hair ribbon tied around your messy bun.
鈥淲e鈥檙e having a picnic, Levi.鈥 You beam, rocking back and forth on your heels, hands intertwined behind your back.
鈥淎 picnic?鈥
鈥淵ou鈥檝e never had one?!!!鈥 You blink several times, stunned; your reaction tears out a blush from him. Levi flusters. He scratches his chin and averts his gaze. He鈥檚 been living in the surface for less than a year; there are still things he has yet to discover. 鈥淪orry鈥 I overreacted,鈥 you say soothingly and loop an arm through his, pressing your cheek to his upper arm. 鈥淟et鈥檚 go, I鈥檒l explain on the way.鈥
Distant hills hear your giggles and Levi鈥檚 whines as you look for the perfect spot to set your date. You tell him you鈥檒l be eating on a blanket on the meadow and strings of 鈥榯ch鈥檚 drips off from his mouth.
鈥淚t鈥檒l be fun,鈥 you reassure him, picking wild berries that grow along the path; however, judging by his narrowed eyes and his constant grumbling, he doesn鈥檛 seem convinced. Levi turns his face away when you offer him part of your harvest, and you, without fretting by his moody attitude, eat them one by one, rejoicing in the blend of sweetness and bitterness that lingers in your mouth
After a twenty-minute walk, your eyes light up when you spot the perfect place: a tuft of wild grass tickling the edge of a shallow river.
While Levi still holds the basket, you fumble for the blanket and extend it on the field, placing stones on the corners so that the breeze won't fling it over.
鈥淚 won鈥檛 sit there,鈥 Levi scoffs as you sit on your knees. You make grabby hands as a cue for him to pass the woven container to you.
鈥淪o, you鈥檙e eating standing?鈥 you retort, swinging the flaps open.
"You want me to get dirty?"
Your eyes go blank. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 what the blanket is for, silly.鈥 You pat the space beside you, and he reluctantly sits cross-legged, frowning and pouting like a grounded four-year-old. Another 鈥榯ch鈥 coils in his mouth as he tries to accommodate for the grass not to prickle his butt.
You hand him the bottle of wine and the corkscrew for him to do something useful instead of yammering, while you carefully pull out the food containers and set up everything nice and pretty on the wooden trays. Levi watches you, pleased and astound that you鈥檇 thought of any detail.
Different types of cheese, strawberries, sliced apples, nuts and ham, sticks of cucumber and carrot, pesto and mushroom p芒t茅, and a baguette put together a colorful feast.
Levi lifts the bottle and holds it at his eye level, swirling it, watching through the glass the tiny bubbles dashing upwards.
鈥淎re we drinking from the bottle?鈥 He gibes and raises a brow derisively.
鈥淗ere.鈥 You thud two mugs on the mat, and Levi pours the ros茅.
鈥淢ugs for wine?鈥
鈥淵ou know I鈥檓 clumsy sometimes.鈥
鈥淪ometimes?鈥 The corners of his lips twitch in an attempt to stifle a mocking smirk. You smack his shoulder with a soft blow; one cheek puffs out as your 聽lour at him.
鈥淚t was an accident,鈥 you huff. He wouldn鈥檛 stop rubbing in your face the fact that you shatter one of his favorite cups.
Levi pinches your cheek between two knuckles as you finish serving. Then, he stretches out his legs and leans back by a fraction, hands flat supporting his weight. A small, enamored smile creeps across his lips as he contemplates you. Your skin glows, bathed in the sunlight, and your hair, a perfect chaos. A few wild strands of hair slipped off the tie and are now rebelliously curling over your ears.
鈥淒on鈥檛 you ever get tired of staring at me?鈥 You lick your lips that curved into a smile as you place the bunch of green grapes in the center of the tray.
His eyes stumble with your long lashes, that look like two fans, sexy and enthralling; and then his gaze slides down your nose, until it entangles with your mouth. Your lips. Plump, juicy, kissable. His vice. With that vivid red lipstick that promises to leave his mouth messed up like the streets of the town the morning after the carnival.
You are luckiest person in the world because Levi loves you. You were the one who crumbled the walls he鈥檇 built around his wounded heart and saw past through his eyes. And he gave you everything; he bared his soul and showed his vulnerable side, the frightened boy he keeps tucked away in the recesses of his soul.
He wants to kiss you. He鈥檇 ask because no matter how many times you remind him he doesn鈥檛 need to ask for a kiss, he鈥檒l do it.
However, he skips this time.
He鈥檚 been a dick, he knows he鈥檚 been a dick who doesn鈥檛 deserve your lips. 鈥淭ime to dig in.鈥 You rub your hands together with excitement and began to prepare the toasts.
鈥淭ime to dig in.鈥 You rub your hands together with excitement and began to prepare the toasts.
Levi鈥檚 eyes follow you as you cut the bread in slices, slather p芒t茅 on them and decorate with toppings. Unwittingly, you hum a soft tune. Once done, you slip his full plate before him, and he eyes them warily as if making sure they鈥檙e not poisoned. His gaze then drifts to you and you鈥檙e already munching down one, cupping a hand beneath your chin, so the crumbs don鈥檛 fall onto the mat.
鈥淵ou haven鈥檛 touch yours.鈥 Your eyes scoot to him as you take another bite.
He frowns again, reaches out and wipes of the smeared pesto from the corner of your mouth.
"Do you really expect me to eat with my hands?" he jeers, his fingers rubbing clean on a napkin.
鈥淲hat鈥檚 wrong with eating with hands?鈥 You chaffed him for his silly complaints. 鈥淚 pack enough napkins, or we can wash our hands in the stream too.鈥
"But there's ants."
鈥淵ou just sweep them away,鈥 you snort, sending one to fly off with a finger-flick.
鈥淟evi,鈥 you chime, your mellow laugh filling the air and sweetening his ears. You rub a thumb between his eyebrows to ease the creases of his sulky grimace. 鈥淪hut up and stop acting like a brat.鈥
Bewildered, he stares at you with wide eyes and parted lips, then growls and folds his arms over his chest. 鈥淚鈥檓 not acting like a brat.鈥
鈥淵ou are.鈥 You hold him closer and smother his face with a shower of kisses and soft nibbles, but he whines more and shush you off, rubbing off the remnants of lipstick of his face..
You find it amusing to provoke him and piss him off, only a bit, from time to time. He's adorable, you think, even though anyone else would say you're crazy.
鈥淥pen up.鈥 You bring a bruschetta to his mouth, and he leers back, blushing, but surrenders and nabs on it.
鈥淭here you go, big baby grumpy pants.鈥
鈥淪o funny.鈥 He remarks sarcastically and takes a long swig of wine before hoarding the toasts in his plate like a squirrel stashing nuts. A chuckle slips off your lips, and you ruffle his hair, glad he鈥檇 liked it. You capture a lock of black hair between two fingers, ironing it and curling it upwards to study the ends. 鈥淐an I cut it next time.鈥
鈥淣ot a chance, Y/N. You know I don鈥檛 trust you with my hair.鈥
For dessert, you鈥檇 picked an apple pie with flaky butter crust that you almost devour whole. An explosion of flavors and textures takes over your mouth, so addictive that you can't put your fork down. But Levi tugs you away from a diabetic coma.
鈥淐an we have it for breakfast tomorrow?鈥 you query whimsically, licking your fingers before putting the dishes and leftovers back into the wicker box, moving everything away to make more room for two, and lie on your side, propping your head on your elbow.
Levi shakes his head, arms crossed over his chest, tapping his fingers on his upper arms. You shoot at him a menacing, insistent glance.
"You want me to LAY out here?"
His glower falter, and he gulps at your sternness. You're always in a good mood, sparkly and cheery, but one thing he鈥檚 learned is never to make you upset. He complies and, a bit averse, he joins you.
He lies on his back, and you nestle next to him, swinging a leg across his thigs, curling an arm over his chest and nuzzling your face on his shoulder. A waft of his pungent perfume strokes your nose , intoxicating you in that masculine, panty-dropper scent.
"The sun is in my eyes." He bellyaches, squinting and scrunching up his face.
"Then close them." You mumble, drawing little circles on his chest, gazing up at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
Levi's eyes meet yours, and he smiles back. He rolls on his side, capturing you in his arms, wedging one leg between your thighs, and douses the crown of your head in kisses.
鈥淭hank you for today, Y/N.鈥 His sultry voice caresses each letter of your name. 鈥淓ven if I鈥檝e been a pain in the ass.鈥
The tip of your nose skims his chin, and your lips make their way beneath his jaw, pressing ticklish kisses that wrench tiny chuckles from his mouth. 鈥淵ou should laugh more often, Levi.鈥 Your breath fans over his Adam鈥檚 apple, and his chortle鈥檚 joy transform in giggles.
鈥淪top that!鈥 His voice trembles in his throat against your mouth.
鈥淢ake me.鈥 You dare him, blitzing his neck with more kisses in a ceaseless assault. 聽聽
He lurches back and squishes your cheeks in his hands. His gaze roams over you, and he inches forward, whisking his nose on yours. Then, his hands amble around your neck, his thumbs stroking your earlobes and cheeks.
鈥淐an I kiss you?鈥
You nod.
First, a gentle brush before his mouth captures yours in a sweet hearty kiss. Your eyes close, slowly, and your tongue, spontaneous and urgent sweeps over his lips and plunges into his gaping maw, exploring every corner of his mouth, swirling and contorting with his in a mucilaginous dance.
When your lungs hoist the white flag, you pull apart and gaze at each other like two idiots in love.
Because you鈥檙e nothing more than two enamored idiots.
Huddled together, you鈥檙e the first one to doze off. Unlike him, wherever you lie down, you soon fall into Morpheus' claws. He closes his eyes, enveloped by your steady breathing and your warmth, the lavender of your shampoo, and yields to the rustling of the leaves that dither at the rhythm of the breeze, the whisper of the stream that slithers through the rocks.
Without realizing it, the world shuts down and only the two of you are left, cocooned in each other鈥檚 embrace.
鈥淟evi.鈥 His name belches off your mouth like cotton-candy, followed by a bath of kisses that wakes him up from his slumber.
He groans and peeks through one of his eyes. And there you are, drinking him with your sparkling eyes, tracing a finger over his ear.
You鈥檙e lying on your belly, your chin resting on your hand and your knees bent so that your heels are whisking your lovely, bitable ass.
Still engulfed in the drowsiness, he holds your hand, lacing his fingers through yours and brings it to his mouth, slathering kisses on your knuckles.
He nuzzles his face against your entwined hands, and a fleeting shade of pink creeps across his cheeks.
"So, can we try again next week?"
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secretanimewriter a day ago
cw// feral shit
i would pay a million dollars just for a whiff of his feet
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levmada 17 hours ago
First Times Anthology, ch.7: all of me
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work summary 禄 Intimate, vulnerable, gentle. Concepts Levi is a stranger to, until you.
ch.summary: Just when you think you know everything about each other, Levi has a way of surprising you after a close call. In wake of the worsening odds against the Titans, you "punish" him for taking an unnecessary risk.
content/warnings: ACKERBOND, hurt/comfort, LEVI RAGE MODE, canon-typical violence, minor injuries, softcore porn tbh, nervous breakdown/some descriptions of dissociation&reactions to post-trauma events, oh my god is that a reference to canon??, heart-to-heart talks, oral (f!receiving), creampie (f!receiving), Levi is always so careful idc, praise, resolved misunderstandings
wc: ~9.7k
a/n: i call this the 'learning to unconditionally love every facet of each other' chapter in addition to the more general name of the fic, 'levi therapy hour'. alternatively, the 'oh my god, is that a reference to canon??馃槺' chapter.
it's autumn year 849.
originally this chappy was gonna be split in 2 parts, but since every other chap is centered in one period of time b/n longer stretches (because it's an anthology, duh), i decided the last one is too separate to call it pt2.
BUT this is the real bonafide guaranteed second-to-last chapter. i mean it this time lol. that one is v close to being finished (i am stubborn and refuse to finish the closing paragraphs w/out finishing the one last singular scene, which.. is smut) and im thinking mid june or so!
ps: for all intents and purposes of getting railed by levi, pregnancy doesnt exist. pps, fingernails grow back. youll understand later, i just worry abt misunderstanding.
previous part銉粀ork masterpost銉籰ast part
Listened to while writing:
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Your first time is that following autumn, in all its golden-browns, dashes of fiery red, and silver skies. The summer season had finally burnt itself out, and it was time to breathe a sigh of relief for another season you both left still fighting.
Levi returned in the early evening from a days-long trip to Mitras on official business between him and the Commander. With paperwork out of the way, you had made a warm, filling dinner (with real butter, too, though meat was too expensive)鈥攆or no other reason than you had missed him, and you knew how irritating he finds those trips.
Afterwards, in bed, he stirred against you and leaned over to kiss. You kissed him harder. It was certainly no surprise when he crawled between your bare thighs, hands stroking up and down your freshly-shaved legs鈥攏or when he pulled away and asked, 鈥淒id you change your mind while I was gone?鈥
You knocked away the covers, as it鈥檇 quickly grown too muggy, and shook your head, heart suddenly pounding.聽
Before he left days before, you had asked his thoughts on going further than you ever had in the past, on him being inside you. His eyes had grown a touch wide, but he had nodded, and since he had been gone, the anticipation took over your mind.
But that didn鈥檛 mean you weren鈥檛 nervous.
聽鈥淵ou think you need more?鈥 he asks now, earnest, but his voice is muffled against your slit, lapping, then suckling over your puffy clit. He licks in maddeningly hot, lazy circles.
You shudder with a light cry, hands in his hair combing it backwards. His heavy tongue has you clenching down around his three fingers that slowly fuck into you.
鈥淣o.鈥 At least, you don鈥檛 think so鈥攈e鈥檚 been so thorough, and so fucking careful鈥攂ut the bunches of butterflies fluttering in your chest want to say otherwise.
You stammer, 鈥淭-Two times not enough for you?鈥
鈥淏elieve me鈥︹ He sits up on his haunches, three fingers curling inside you, his other hand idly pumping his red, swollen cock. 鈥淚t is.鈥
You make a blind grab for the sheets and rock your hips to meet him. 鈥淭hen hurry.鈥
He licks his swollen lips and gently withdraws his fingers. While clambering on top of you, he nonchalantly licks your sweet cum from them, though his nerves beat like a racehorse in his chest.聽
Your hand replaces his around his reddened shaft, the slide so easy from how much he鈥檚 leaked all over himself. More than before, you take in his size and realize how thick he is.
鈥淟evi,鈥 you whisper.
He rocks into your loose hand, and sighs in bliss. 鈥淵eah.鈥
鈥淐鈥檓ere,鈥 you plead, but before you can finish your buttery lips are already moving together.聽
鈥淏ut you鈥斺 kiss, 鈥溾攕top me鈥斺 kiss, 鈥濃攆or any reason.鈥
You admire the sheen of sweat on his hairline, the heat on his cheeks, the slope of his jaw, and almost forget to reply. 鈥淵ou say that every time, and guess what happens every time?鈥
鈥淭his is different.鈥
鈥淣u-uh. Same, 鈥榗ause it鈥檚 you.鈥
With a huff, he hoists your knees a touch higher around his slender hips and lines his cock up level with your mound鈥攖o see how deep he鈥檒l go.聽You shiver.
He cradles your hip as he feels you draw tense. 鈥淚 assure you it is.鈥
Your teeth hook into your bottom lip. You're so damn nervous, it鈥檚 easier to think so. Levi will take care of you, though. That鈥檚 guaranteed.
鈥淚鈥檓 nervous,鈥 you surrender. 鈥淏ut it鈥檚 probably not much different, right?鈥
He shakes his head into the shade of your neck; even without knowing what it鈥檚 like with a woman, he's confident you鈥檙e wrong.聽
In return, you throw one leg over his back, digging your heel in.聽
鈥淗ey,鈥 he gasps, 鈥測ou can鈥檛 just鈥斺
You drag him that much closer, caging him in with both arms and thighs. Between your spread legs his hips involuntarily twitch towards, then grind down against your sticky wet slit. He nudges your clit with the head, just to see how you鈥檒l react, and your hips bow up against his, whining miserably.聽
To reassure him, you massage his lips with yours. You don鈥檛 want to feel anxiety crushing you while you ache and clench for him around absolutely nothing. You need him. You need him.
鈥淐鈥檓ere,鈥 you beg again, and he lines himself up. Something hot, round and hard catches on your rim, and then pushes inside.聽
Levi鈥檚 desire pounds between his thighs and thunders in his ears. The drag is hot, soaking wet, and hugs his cock so tight that his jaw falls completely slack.聽
He鈥檚 certainly never felt this before.
For a moment his mind is utterly blank, reeling, and you cling onto him so tight.聽
鈥淔uck,鈥 you croak by his ear. He鈥檚 only halfway. 鈥淚t鈥檚 so big.鈥
He says nothing鈥攊f he opens his mouth a string of noises will tumble out; showing how good he feels when you鈥檙e not there yet doesn鈥檛 feel right鈥攁nd cradles you between both thick biceps, panting hard. It鈥檚 like your pussy is tightening to suck him deeper inside.
You shakily whine his name, seeking purchase by the strong planes of his back.聽
All you can think of is the uncanny feeling of your body stretching to take him. Levi isn鈥檛 big by most standards, but he makes up for it in thickness, and it鈥檚 plump even while flaccid.聽
It feels like he鈥檚 splitting you in half. Like all that preparation hardly made a dent in this blindly intense feeling. He was right.
鈥淚 know, it鈥檒l feel better soon. Jus鈥 a little more, sweetheart.鈥
He watches your features carefully and bullies his hand between you to fall over your mound. In firm, easy circles he strokes you, kisses your temple, then the side of your parted lips. 鈥淭hat better?鈥
A sigh is punched from your lungs. 鈥淵es.鈥
Pleasure licks up your spine when your hips finally kiss. He鈥檚 here. 鈥淟evi, Levi.鈥
He says your name in return, his breath fanning over your face. It鈥檒l get better from here. His hand moves away from your clit upwards to cradle the back of your head.
You crack your eyes open, only to find his shut above you, jaw tight and features pinched in pleasure. His bangs dangle in his eyes, so you push them back, and his eyes flutter open.
Bright eyes the color of twilight blink back at you, his pupils like two round black pools. It doesn鈥檛 feel like much else needs to be said.聽
His calloused fingers hug the thick of your thigh, where you鈥檙e shaking slightly. 鈥淚鈥檓 gonna go slow at first. Relax鈥攃an you do that for me?鈥
His endless care is anything but lost on you, which helps you relax all by itself. You nod, physically going soft and lax in his arms.聽
A small gasp sounds against your lips to feel you throb gently around him. He will last, certainly, but never did he imagine it鈥檇 feel this good before even properly starting. It frazzles his mind as much as it seems to do yours.
鈥淏aby,鈥 you groan, scraping down his back. 鈥淢ove.鈥
Experimentally, he grinds into all that heat. You whimper. Then he goes further, rolling his hips, and rocks in slow, shallow thrusts to the feeling of your own twitching up to meet him halfway.聽
Actually doing this, there was nothing鈥攁nd is nothing鈥攈e feared more than hurting you at all. Pain should never be a given in this, like he falsely assumed in the past鈥攚hich is why he burns brightly to take in the pinched bliss on your face now; even though he wants to lay you back and slam into you so bad.
鈥淭here you go,鈥 he murmurs, hot breath fanning over your lips. 鈥淕ood. That鈥檚 my girl.鈥
A soft moan falls off your lips. Pleasure apart from the feeling of Levi rocking into you, but just as intense, writhes in your chest. Your walls flutter hard around where he鈥檚 begun to properly fuck you, and then he catches your rim, and your hips abruptly buck up into him.
A louder groan rumbles by your ear. 鈥淔uck, you鈥檙e so tight鈥斺
鈥淧lease! F-Fuck me so good.鈥
Deeper, faster he buries himself inside you enough to hear his balls slap against your pelvis. If you want more, he will give it to you gladly. Hearing you beg for him, moan his name, winds him up hotter and hotter.
For once, his embarrassment evaporates鈥攊t doesn鈥檛 even register. It鈥檚 how sweet your voice and how good your cunt feels taking him so deeply, so readily.
All of it: all of him, all of you.
The bedframe whines, and he can鈥檛 remember when, but at some point your palm snakes over his forehead, tossing his bangs back so you can grab a good handful and coax him in for another breathtaking kiss. Immediately you take his bottom lip between his teeth, and his mouth parts obediently to let you in.
鈥淔uck,鈥 he groans. You can鈥檛 even think to lick into his hot, sticky mouth and rather gape into his mouth, crying out when he slams into that perfect spot. 鈥淩ight there?鈥
Your ankles lock around his lower back, moaning shamelessly right by his ear, which is enough of an answer. He squeezes your inner thigh, spreading you wide open, which changes the angle enough for him to slam into that perfect spot every time.
鈥淵es!鈥 you gasp in approval, head falling back to expose your neck to him. Your chests heave together, and it suddenly and swiftly registers in your mind鈥攈e鈥檚 fucking you, taking you, on top of you, all around you. You feel yourself getting close.
He feels you too鈥攖hat subtle lift in your back and the added sting of sweet pain from your tight hold on his dark hair. Where he grinds, his thrusts, splitting your pussy wide open, he feels you spasm and tighten.
鈥淟ook at me,鈥 he begs quietly by your hairline. Heat rolls through him. Quieter, 鈥淧lease.鈥
You pry your eyes open half-lidded, and you do鈥攜ou look deeply into his soft, blazing eyes, inspiring your whole body to shudder. A hot blush paints his sharp features, tight from pleasure.聽
Just watching him somehow hurls you closer to the point of no return. His pink lips are perpetually parted for you, and once, his eyes flutter, a fragile moan escaping, and you grab for his hand. He locks them on the pillow beside your head in response.
Your tits bounce along with his quick thrusts. You try to tell him you鈥檙e close, but you can鈥檛. Each sound ripped from you is punctuated by another wet slam of his hips.
A grunt is punched from his chest, so much so his sweaty forehead falls on yours and his rhythm skips. He鈥檚 about to come, too.
鈥淔uck鈥斺 He noses your cheek, panting, 鈥溾攜ou hear yourself? Fucking gushing around me鈥斺
鈥淵eah, yes.鈥 You paw for his sturdy shoulders as heat like an electric bolt rolls over your whole body, drawing you up tight. His fat cock splits your sticky cunt now in a flurry of hard thrusts. You uncontrollably struggle to writhe when a hand bullies itself between your bodies, and the frantic attention he gives your clit shoves you into your climax, dashing your vision in bright white.
鈥淔uck!鈥 He slams into your cunt, 鈥淕ood fucking girl.鈥
You don鈥檛 have enough mind to hear yourself let go, but Levi does鈥攖he loud cry ripped from your throat, your babbled whimpers, and his name and his name and his name being moaned at the ceiling. You鈥檙e so fucking loud that if someone was walking past, the sound would be unmistakable.
You writhe so fucking hard in his arms that he has to hold you down to fucking you through the silky-soft spasming of your cunt. You go so nice and tight, practically milking him, and combined with the rest runs his blood white-hot.聽
His end hits him close behind yours. It slams into him hard and sudden, making his cock surge, making him gasp. His hips stutter and his balls give a deep throb, and then he falls into it just as you鈥檙e coming down from yours.
Shaking and shuddering, these little mewls fall off your lips as you get to watch his jaw fall slack and utter bliss take over his blushing face. You get to hear a loud, rasping moan above you and feel him fuck you to completion, then his hot cum shooting deep inside your pussy, making your toes curl. So much, and a little more.
And then, when all that鈥檚 left is for him to slow and the swift heavy sounds of both your breaths, you feel him throb softly as he starts to soften inside you. His face is shaded in your neck, and neither of you move at first. Your sweaty hands are still squeezed.
He makes a noise. Idly, he realizes the mess that鈥檚 begun to dribble out between where you鈥檙e both connected, and pulls out slowly, rubbing the tremors out of your thighs.
Softly, you whimper at the sudden sense of loss you feel, stroking his messy hair with tingling fingers. A completely whole sense of warmth drapes over you now, leaving you sleepy.
鈥淎re you okay?鈥 he asks quietly from beside you. He feels it鈥檚 the right thing to do no matter what.
鈥淵es,鈥 you whisper, and roll over towards him. You squirm to feel it鈥攁 creamy mix of his mess and yours caking your inner thighs. You鈥檙e a little sore, but completely fucking satisfied. Your limbs are heavier than steel.
He shakily shuffles out of bed, and you stay still, spreading your legs so he can clean you up with a lukewarm washcloth. After he seems satisfied with his own state, you lug yourself up into a sit and kiss him tenderly.聽
It鈥檚 slow, and it鈥檚 lazy, but it rattles you to the core.
Levi still occasionally gets overwhelmed after. He stutters to pull away first, looking spent in a strained way, doesn鈥檛 reach out to touch you. Only if you initiate鈥攖his time by stroking his sinewy arm does he relax slightly.
鈥淎re you okay?鈥 you ask him in return, and immediately he nods, eyes softly closed. You take his cheek towards you and kiss his forehead reverently, like you mean to bless him, before you decide to take a bath.
He, ironically, likes bubbles and soaps with the softest smells; mostly fresh daisies and sweet smells. After helping you into the blissfully hot water, causing you to sigh softly, he sinks in behind you.
Washing has to ask for less time. As he does your hair, you take a small handful of bubbles and plop them on top of his head.
He is thoroughly nonplussed by this. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e such a brat,鈥 he tells you quietly, in that same tone he uses to compliment you.
You shift back around, rocking the water, and hum as a pair of strong arms close around your waist. 鈥淢y legs are still shaking.鈥澛
And for that, Levi clearly doesn鈥檛 give himself enough credit.聽
With one wide palm he rubs the aches out, and busies the other with smoothing your hair back so no shampoo stings your eyes. It took quite a bit of practice for him to get both good and gentle at doing it; he used to wash Isabel鈥檚 hair, but that was a long time ago.
鈥淭hanks,鈥 you murmur. Bubbles wobble around when you shift to make room so he can stretch his legs.
In reply, he kisses the shell of your ear. It鈥檚 nice, but it can鈥檛 last forever, either. An expedition is coming up soon鈥攖he last of the summer season.
You鈥檒l be breathing clean air while your comrades鈥 blood is spilled for two weeks straight.
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And spilled it is.聽
You haven鈥檛 seen running water or a warm bed in almost two weeks since departing from Karanese District. Some days are better than others, even some mornings less dire than nights, but considering how little you can bring yourself to sleep out here, you catch yourself thinking of it as one eternal, bloodsoaked day often.
However, today was鈥攖o put it lightly鈥攅specially dire.
The night is humid. The sun stole away the worst of the heat a while ago, but the air is thick, leaving dew staining the grass. Your mind is muddy, abandoned on the battlefield, but the adrenaline never really dries up outside the Walls. You could spring into battle the very next moment if the situation called for it.
The tent flap collapses shut behind you. As soon as the strategy for tomorrow and the day after was charted, Levi pushed himself off the wall and fled.聽
You always give him space when he needs, and you had concerns for the Commander: mainly a couple of caches that were abandoned after Maria fell, and whose retrieval was the main objective of this expedition.
But after today, you鈥檙e breaking that rule.
Levi being Levi, no one questions what he does. It's like him to skip pleasantries, but he isn鈥檛 waiting for you outside the tent, nor at the makeshift canteen (a glowing bonfire) where watery stew and ration crackers are being handed out.
It鈥檚 easy to pinpoint when things went awry, which makes the fact that you don鈥檛 understand what exactly happened all the more frustrating.
ODM was nearly useless in those long stretches of plain green fields. What made the situation more precarious was the old riverbank in the area that鈥攂ack before Maria fell鈥攗sed to carry ferries back and forth between districts with a metal pulley system. Given its size, it鈥檚 impossible to cross, and the rushing water is a drowning risk if the underlying metal didn鈥檛 break your back first.
And that鈥檚 exactly where Titan numbers grew overwhelming today. At the time, Gunther and Petra were elsewhere in the formation to assist other squads, leaving you, Eld, and Levi to yourselves.
With every step, if you focus hard enough you can still feel giant footsteps rattle your bones. Shitty luck had it that you were swatted by an Abnormal close enough to the steep riverside to be hurled into the water like a stone into a pond.聽
When you were a girl, your father鈥檚 political standing with the royal government allowed you the privilege to take swimming lessons. They would have, for once, proven useful if your loose hadn鈥檛 tangled you in a steel web after you hit water.聽
One free arm and as little as you could kick your feet didn鈥檛 mean a thing as you were tossed from rapid to rapid. Weeds and algae had infested in the absence of the ships, making what sparse rocks there were too slippery to grab.
You鈥檙e sometimes pushed to believe that Levi is attached to you not by heart or feeling, but an invisible twine. Lack of air combined with the constant red flood of adrenaline dragged the nightmare out exponentially, but you were told later it was a minute, if that, before Levi did one of the most reckless things he鈥檚 done in a long time and dove in after you.
In his defense, Eld told Levi that he couldn鈥檛 swim, so Levi lied and said he could. Otherwise, you would鈥檝e drowned. Eld covered your backs during that time.
You remember a force stronger than the rapids taking hold of you, you remember hacking out lungfuls of water, shouting, the shove and yank of the water, and the scrambling鈥攆or something, anything. Dirt, even now, stays clotted underneath every single one of your fingernails鈥攅xcept two, for you no longer have them.
The only thing he did that was more bad than good was hold onto you, causing the tangled wires to be pulled tight like a snake around its meal. It was you who managed a snag on a fat, bulbous root wider than your palm could wrap around, but he was the one who plunged his sword into the wall of muddy earth, snapped his blade in half like shattering glass, and cut you free as much as the chaos you were neck-deep in allowed.
He ordered you, hold still, and then dread, as thick as oil. You don鈥檛 remember how he lost his hold on you鈥攊t all happened so fast鈥攂ut as if in slow motion you can easily recall pivoting downstream, your palms greased from the wet earth in order to save your savior.聽
Levi can鈥檛 swim.
But then the surface of the water broke in the center of it all. Your shoulder is still killing you from where he first seized, then hauled you back to the wall with one arm, the other pushing the water aside.
You hadn鈥檛 froze up in years in battle, not until today, because who was carrying you just wasn鈥檛 Levi鈥攏ot with glowing, unseeing marble in place of his eyes, not saying a word, not with that look on his face.
The next thing you knew, air was punched from your lungs with the force you were thrust upwards. Dirt smeared your cheek in ugly clumps and you clawed for purchase鈥攔ipping out earth for all you care鈥14 kilos of equipment and all.
Despite the fear running through your blood, you were about to call out to him when earth squelched and his elbow hooked around yours. He was himself again, with the command to either shed your gear or move faster.
So, you leaped. Wildgrass, stringy and thick, was all you needed鈥攂esides him shoving you by the bottom of your boot鈥攖o swing yourself over the precipice like a climb out of hell.聽
He was still normal when you literally dropped your arm over the edge and helped him the rest of the way鈥攅yes sharp and determined, but still normal. If he hadn鈥檛 been, you have the feeling now that he wouldn鈥檛 have even needed your help.聽
That was somehow scarier to imagine.
Eld, blood steaming off his face, rode by on horseback to escort you due to the wretched state of your bloody hands. Levi stayed behind to clean up the rest of the Abnormals.
There鈥檚 nothing anyone should, or even could discuss in the heat of battle, but you still waited for a second look, something, even though that was foolish.
At first, you managed to convince yourself it was the white-hot adrenaline, or the pain so sharp it made your working mind feel somehow outside your body that conjured up what you saw. But after emerging from sleep in one of the wagons for the injured, you refused to doubt.
Levi is strong, but no one is unstoppable.
This rift wasn鈥檛 because you were slow to react for those few moments, or even that you launched off the wall to save his life. In fact when the two of you next spoke鈥攂efore charting strategies with Erwin and the rest, but after the sun sank into the earth鈥攈e didn鈥檛 seem to understand at all beyond what was only obvious to him.
He asked, 鈥淗ow bad is it?鈥, and all you could bring yourself to do was shake your head. It felt so hard just to look at him; you were afraid if you did, you would see that other person again.
You haven鈥檛 spoken since, but to be fair you needed to recoup, to gather your wits again like a bunch of loose feathers. For all the scrapes, cuts, and contusions, you put the most energy into processing that power that overtook him for those few precious seconds. You struggled.
But it鈥檚 time to do something.
You grip the belts of the ODM tethered around your waist so you don鈥檛 end up picking at your bandaged fingers. Nervous habit.
You can鈥檛 forgo what little reprieve from the fight you now have without discussing it, and it鈥檚 guaranteed Levi won鈥檛 be the one to instigate the conversation鈥攏ot until his frustrations completely boil over. He鈥檚 always needed help communicating, and this is certainly no exception.
Near the barricade at the entrance to the village is where you find him, seated on a log before one of the smaller campfires. It鈥檚 not necessary: where buildings don鈥檛 cover, makeshift barriers stand, and green capes in full ODM stand posted around the perimeter, but Levi is nothing if not vigilant.
鈥淗ey,鈥 you say.
He grunts, not so much as twitching at your approach. The roles are reversed now: he can鈥檛 seem to look at you.
You both bathe in the heat from the fire in silence until you can鈥檛 take the quiet anymore. Hands on your hips, you watch the flames. 鈥淵ou saved me today.鈥
鈥淵ou would鈥檝e done the same.鈥
鈥淭hat鈥檚 not the point,鈥 you argue softly, making yourself heard over the crackling firewood. 鈥淵ou can鈥檛 swim.鈥
Dirt scuffs behind you. Once his warm palm lands on the nape of your neck, tears immediately spring to your eyes. You feel yourself pull towards him鈥攕omething almost scarily inevitable, like gravity pulling rain to the earth.
You return the gesture and sway there gently in silence. Both of you smell like dead fish dipped in blood, leather squeaks, and your gear clunks together, but neither of you care.聽
鈥淵our injuries?鈥 he asks against your lips, a little blandly.
You sway a little. 鈥淚鈥檒l live.鈥
In response, he bullies the fingers on his free hand under the belt tethered by your hip, and holds you there.
In terms of an apology, he won鈥檛 give you one: there is no risk from today that he wouldn鈥檛 take all over again, but in terms of an explanation, he can鈥檛.
鈥淚 just鈥 knew what I had to do,鈥 he attempts to explain, only to watch the look on your face turn pensive.聽
He recalls the look on your filthy face, eyes blown wide in fear once back on solid ground. By the time he rejoined the formation and you woke up, it hadn鈥檛 gone away, not completely.
A fear of his own seizes him, so he pulls away. He can鈥檛 look at you. He fears that if he does, he will see it oozing from your expression again.
Very rarely does he see you truly afraid. You鈥檝e almost met death multiple times. It鈥檚 him, it must be, because he can鈥檛 fucking swim and yet he saved both your lives despite every facet of the situation that should have made survival impossible.
In that moment, he felt, or was, unstoppable. He鈥檚 felt that way before, and you鈥檝e seen him do the impossible before鈥攈e fails to understand what鈥檚 so different this time.
鈥淲hat is it?鈥
He makes his voice carefully even, but you know him better. You take a steadying breath before launching into an explanation of your side of the story: what you saw, how you didn鈥檛 believe it at first, and how you felt鈥攈ow the fine hairs on the back of your neck stood up when he grabbed you, how your blood froze and how astounding his sudden strength.
Now he鈥檚 sitting, arms crossed over his knees while you scuff the dirt with the toe of your boot. When you describe the way he looked, he asks, 鈥淲hat was wrong with them?鈥 and you look away.
鈥淵ou wouldn鈥檛 believe me.鈥
He frowns. 鈥淪pit it out.鈥
鈥淚t was like you weren鈥檛 even there. They鈥攚ell, glowed.鈥澛
Silence. You attempt to make the one-sided conversation light. 鈥淚t鈥檇 be impressive, if it wasn鈥檛 life-or-death, of course.鈥
鈥淚 don鈥檛 remember any of that,鈥 he admits quietly, barely audible over even the crickets.
Shadows dance across his face as you ask what he means by that.聽
He shakes his head and repeats himself like a broken record. He never remembers those moments. It鈥檚 an experience only comparable to spectating your own falling body while it expertly kicks and flails in search of solid ground.聽
Maybe it isn鈥檛 that he knew what he had to do, but his body. It acts sometimes without his permission, but only to defy death when he himself cannot. At that point he鈥檚 instinct alone, an empty mind, a blank slate.聽
鈥淗ave you ever had moments like that?鈥 he ventures to ask, not looking at you because he鈥檚 confident what you鈥檒l say.
You give it some genuine thought, raking through your memories. 鈥淣o, Lee. I haven鈥檛.鈥
As he thought. He says nothing, but scooches to make room for you to sink down on the log beside him. You ask why.
鈥淔orget I asked.鈥 If you were scared of him then, or now as you described it, then there鈥檚 the possibility of tomorrow; it鈥檚 better the conversation ends here.
You drape your bandaged hand over his scraped knuckles. 鈥淚t鈥檚 okay,鈥 you say.
Levi measures the breaths he takes. There must already be alarms going off in your head, alerts that he鈥檚 upset, but you wouldn鈥檛 understand no matter what he said. He understands it very little himself.
鈥淚t really was impressive,鈥 you go on, squeezing a little despite the pain. 鈥淎nd I wanna know what you think.鈥
鈥淲ere you scared?鈥
You look up, but his hollow eyes are on the fire. The way he鈥檚 turned only lets you see half of his face.
Feeling frayed, 鈥淓veryone鈥檚 scared to die, aren鈥檛 they?鈥
鈥淣ot dying.鈥
鈥...You mean鈥斺 your heart falls, 鈥溾攐f you?鈥
He says nothing. Frowning deeply, you carefully put your hand on his shoulder, giving him the freedom to shrug you off, which he does, albeit hesitantly.聽
He stops you. 鈥淵ou鈥檇 have every right to, if you were. Or are. Don鈥檛 spare my feelings because you鈥檙e鈥攜ou.鈥
鈥淚 wouldn鈥檛,鈥 you protest. It stings that he assumes you鈥檇 lie.
鈥淚 know.鈥 His expression turns hollow. 鈥淚鈥檓 just saying I鈥檇 get it鈥攊f you were scared. I didn鈥檛 know all that until you said it. So, if you鈥檙e scared鈥撯
You鈥檙e happy to hear him out until he starts to repeat himself.
鈥淟evi, stop.鈥 You shake your head, incredulous with him. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 ridiculous.鈥
He scoffs.
鈥淚 mean it. I鈥檝e never actually been scared of you; except in the beginning, maybe.鈥澛
Who wasn鈥檛? One time, a Scout remarked that Isabel was a 鈥榮not-nosed bitch鈥 within Levi鈥檚 earshot, and he marched right up to the guy and said nothing before kicking the absolute shit out of him. He was put on medical leave for weeks.
In no way does he look or sound amused, but at least he doesn鈥檛 rebuke you. You go on, remaining truthful: the situation itself was at the root of the terror you felt, not him. In that moment, yes, you were scared, but it never crossed your mind that he would hurt you.
鈥淲ould I be here if I was scared of you?鈥
He scans your expression for a hint of deception, but finds none. This conversation is new to you both, not because he went out of his way to hide it from you, but he always excused those blank moments away as heightened instincts.聽
He鈥檚 used to it, that power. He was as defenseless as any kid before it awakened in him. As for you, he can鈥檛 recall ever being in such close proximity when those instincts took over鈥攏ot surprising, since it鈥檚 near-impossible to keep your eyes on each other when there鈥檚 a battlefield raging around you.
Again: 鈥淲hy did you ask if I鈥檝e ever had a moment like that before?鈥
Levi looks away, feeling his eyes ache when he closes them. 鈥淚t鈥檚 kind of unbelievable.鈥
Your pinkie closes around his own, and he links them. 鈥淭he man who raised me had those moments too.鈥
He opens his eyes. There are a plethora of reasons why Levi would rather not think of himself as related to Kenny in any way. He felt that way before he left him too, but the difference is that assuming he was explained away why he saved his life. Few things could explain why Kenny left.
So that conclusion is trembling, it鈥檚 cruel, and it鈥檚 shameful. It was enough that he had to come to the conclusion that Kenny left him that day because he couldn鈥檛 measure up to the strength he always spoke so highly of.聽
鈥...Can I ask a more personal question?鈥
鈥淒id鈥攜our mom ever mention anything?鈥
For an endless stretch of time, he doesn鈥檛 reply. His knitted brow tells you he鈥檚 wracking his memory for something, anything; if not something about the power, then anything out of the ordinary.
鈥淚 was too young, so not really.鈥
You quirk a brow suggestively. Not really isn鈥檛 a Not at all.
鈥淪he told me once that we don鈥檛 have a last name because we鈥檙e good people,鈥 he finally says, then pauses. 鈥淪o, as I said, no. Not really.鈥
And you know even less. You decide to let this topic go. 鈥淗ow I feel about you is the furthest thing from scared,鈥 you murmur.
He gives you a small, meaningful glance, then nudges your temple with his lips. 鈥淭hank you.鈥
You rest there in silence for some time, just like that. Crickets sing their songs and lightning bugs blink in the darkness. It鈥檚 still sinking in that you鈥檝e both made it through another day. He doesn鈥檛 want to forget, so he can鈥檛 bring himself to admit he needs to be alone right now. Not yet.聽
鈥淲ill you sleep?鈥
He gives you a look, because you know the answer to that question. Still, you encourage that he get a few hours at least.
If he鈥檚 not mistaken, a majority of the force is sleeping in barns, so he鈥檚 in no hurry.
You kiss his temple, and leave him.
Levi makes himself at home in his head until his backside falls asleep and the flames die down in the heart of the logs.
He鈥檒l never know the answers鈥攈ell, if only he knew the questions. Power鈥攖he power鈥攚as Kenny鈥檚 religion, if some idiot could ever think him a religious man. Kenny loved to talk, but he never bothered to tell Levi anything important those years he looked after him. He never even learned Kenny鈥檚 last name.
It doesn鈥檛 matter, he reasons, because no matter the reason he possesses the power, no matter where it came from or if it鈥檒l ever leave him鈥攊t鈥檚 his to use.聽
It鈥檚 the perfect strength, the keenest of instincts, and it鈥檚 his.聽
One thing is terribly obvious to him now. The reason, then, that he鈥檚 so often left behind is because he鈥檚 not good enough, compared to the power. There鈥檚 in the end no one, and nothing else, deserving of more blame.聽
But today he was good enough, and for that he can forgive himself. Just for today.
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The most notable thing about the charge back to Wall Rose is the incessant rain: the ground more resembles mush than earth, the rivers spill over into the soggy grass, and everyone is waterlogged in one way or another, most from head to toe.聽
As a result, it takes three days longer than it should to reach the gates: visibility is worse than terrible, the horses have a hard time moving in it, and the quickest route runs beside the main riverbanks. It isn鈥檛 an option.
It goes without saying that Levi is jumpier than usual. He鈥檚 snippy you decided not to ride with the injured, and with the rain on top of that, he might as well have a stormcloud over his head (and Oluo too, for how hard he tries to imitate him).
But he never complains. Scouting leaves no room for bitching about the rain when any one of your friends got swallowed before your eyes days before. He very much wears a stony mask on expeditions, where he鈥檚 no longer himself, but fierce in his role as Captain; you as his Lieutenant.聽
Still. Through the mist and the haze and the rain clinging to your bones, as the visage of Rose plastered to Trost鈥檚 gate broke through the fog, you just about tear up. For once, it isn鈥檛 the rain. Petra laughs out loud and Oluo admonishes her for it, but then he starts laughing too.聽
鈥淎nd just when I thought we wouldn鈥檛 make it!鈥
Gunther whistled. 鈥淲hat a sight.鈥
鈥淣ot until we鈥檙e all inside,鈥 you caution them, remembering yourself, and the glimmer of celebration dies down.
Levi tosses a look back at you and motions towards the head of the formation, where Erwin is sure to be. Inevitably, Hange and Mike are already parting their squads to join him, as is customary.聽
You鈥檙e not obligated to join him like the rest, you two sharing leadership of the squad, so you shake your head. You鈥檙e not thrilled for the crowd of disgruntled townsfolk to crowd you all, to hear鈥攏o matter how hard you try to tune them out鈥攖heir gasps of dismay, for them to jeer at the blood spilled and say: 鈥淭hose damned Scouts. It鈥檚 like they want to die,鈥 and so on and so on and so on.
Levi nods. 鈥淢eet back.鈥
That is Levi-speak for, See you at our place as soon as you鈥檙e finished showering.聽
You wonder if you鈥檒l have the energy. You could doze off on your trotting horse.
A nod. 鈥淪ir.鈥
You spot the second most notable thing, ironically, once you鈥檝e trudged past the gates ahead of the rest of your squad. Your mind is a waking fog, the world mere background decor, but it鈥檚 difficult to miss kids at a funeral. It鈥檚 the Cadet Corps.
You toss a look over, and spot them in a row with no sign of Shadis, unsurprisingly. It鈥檚 customary for them to attend the return of the last expedition before graduation.聽
Very few, as usual, are doing anything but paying attention, but three watch on raptly enough to make up for the rest. It鈥檚 easy to tell which ones saw Maria fall.聽
The bold stare on one of them unnerves you. Running away from Titans isn鈥檛 the same as slaying them, and even then鈥
The split-second the blond one catches your eye, you turn your head forward, feeling nothing but dread.
The rest is a blur until that first spray of hot water pelts your head, but even now you might as well be a ghost. Water beating the floor bounces off your ears, the saddle once beneath you now only an echo of an ache on your thighs and backside. Distantly, your entire body stings, sorest of all your hands. Even where you stand, scrubbing mud and grime and clotted blood still clinging to your hair, you waver on your feet.
On the way back, Alina died. Eaten. It鈥檚 hard to believe she was on your squad so long ago when even yesterday feels like an eternity ago.聽
She was always clumsy, you muse, hating yourself. The last time you saw her personally was Mayfest last year. Who was she with? What did you talk about?聽
You search for meaning in the meaningless. It was as simple as scanning the composite list of casualties two days ago, and catching her name. A life, a memory, a name鈥攂linked out of existence, just like that. There鈥檚 nothing you could鈥檝e done.
鈥淭hose goddamn Scouts. It鈥檚 like they want to die.鈥
Abruptly, a sob bubbles up in your chest. It鈥檚 dry, silent weeping at first, but then tears. Then more, and more, and you鈥檙e blubbering in the shower, the ache on the inside intertwining with the physical. Your head pounds.聽
You don鈥檛 register it when the water begins to bleed cold. With your bare legs folded against your chest, you sit against the wall dry-heaving because you鈥檙e out of tears to cry. More than Alina, it鈥檚 a pain that鈥檚 hard to explain.
You鈥檙e so tired of saying goodbye; the friends you鈥檝e grieved, whose families you鈥檝e had to give your condolences to, usually, if not always accompanied by either Hange or Levi. Your heart is a bottomless graveyard. You couldn鈥檛 possibly spare enough tears for each of them, but your heart is stubborn enough to try.
Levi finds you this way after he knocks on the door, hearing the water, but not you. You鈥檙e not quite there to comprehend his voice, nor his warning that he鈥檚 coming in鈥攏ot until he appears in the open curtain, parted just slightly. Suddenly, you鈥檙e far too aware of everything.
鈥淚鈥檓 sorry,鈥 you hear yourself rasp. 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 thinking, wasted water, sorry.鈥
He tugs it a little wider. 鈥淵ou have nothing to apologize for,鈥 he tells you gently.
The wooden mechanism cries as it鈥檚 shut off, followed by the drip-drip-drip, then the quiet, which is somehow deafening. You notice his cravat is gone, and he鈥檚 already peeled his jacket, boots, and waistskirt off, but other than that he鈥檚 still in uniform; it鈥檚 hard to imagine his shirt ever once being pressed and white.
Another apology sits on your tongue鈥攅ventually Levi was always going to come scrub the filth of the past two weeks off him鈥攂ut you keep it to yourself, as he said.聽
鈥淐an I come in?鈥
鈥淧lease,鈥 you whisper.
He does, and crouches down heavily. A fluffy towel is draped over your shoulders.
鈥淚鈥檓 still disgusting,鈥 he warns, 鈥渂ut do you want help getting up?鈥
鈥淧lease,鈥 you say again.
He rolls up his filthy sleeves, then helps you rise to your feet. Now that you don鈥檛 have to keep it together anymore, it all comes crumbling down. Even Levi isn鈥檛 impervious to it.
鈥淟et鈥檚 get you cleaned up, sweetheart.鈥
On the lid of the toilet you wring the towel through your hair. He does the rest, thoroughly, which reminds you that you have little idea how you鈥檇 cope without him.聽
He leaves you for only a moment to retrieve a fresh change of clothes for you, and it鈥檚 only with the stiff way he drops them on the counter that you start to worry it鈥檚 more than post-expedition fatigue.
Your jaw tightens. 鈥淎re you hurt?鈥
Either you鈥檝e both been through enough, or he鈥檚 too tired to argue. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not bad.鈥
First of all, he needs to clean up. You鈥檒l get dressed, and he鈥檒l join you soon.
You relent, unsurprised when 鈥渟oon鈥 turns into a half-hour. Levi鈥檚 brief, combat-style showers are unthinkable just after an expedition. It鈥檚 no wonder why, but this time you have reason to worry.
Too sick to even think of eating, you chip away at the paperwork at his desk鈥攏umbers to add, death certificates, field reports, numbers to subtract鈥攚hile you wait. He must鈥檝e spoken with Erwin. You wonder what they talked about; not even Erwin is immune to everything, no matter how his own mask portrays him to be.
While you work, you think of nothing, but at the same time, everything. Every second, every sound, every sensation. The snapping of jaws.
You rub your temples and rationalize that if Levi is injured that badly, he would have no choice but to see a medic, but never without some push and shove. Even if he was bleeding out he would claim it was a waste of resources.
After listening like a hawk for the water to shut off for an eternity, it finally does. In short sleeves and baggy pants, you meet him in front of the bathroom door, him staring at you like he can鈥檛 quite believe you鈥檙e real.
鈥淲e still have shit to do,鈥 he states blandly.
You ignore him and ask, 鈥淲here are you hurt?鈥 as you lead him by the small of his back in the direction of the bedroom.
It takes a little push and shove for him to relent, as always. He mentions something about a mother hen and a little bruising and more words that, at their root, mean, It鈥檚 not bad, up until you ask him to show you, and he hesitates.
鈥淟evi.鈥 Sat on the foot of the bed beside him, you remain firm. 鈥淚鈥檓 not asking anymore.鈥
鈥...It鈥檚 unnecessary.鈥澛
鈥淭o you.鈥
He scowls at you weakly. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not the end of the world.鈥
鈥...To you.鈥
He straightens up when he hears your voice shake, then winces a little. 鈥淚t鈥檚鈥擨t鈥檚 not. I wanted to see if tightening my belts would make me more accurate, and it did. They鈥檒l be gone by next time.鈥
You could scream. 鈥淵ou idiot. You run yourself into the ground already鈥攚hat鈥檚 hurting yourself gonna do?鈥 Your next breath shudders. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e too important, and not just to me.鈥
鈥淚t saved more lives,鈥 he argues stubbornly. 鈥淒on鈥檛 you get sick of watching your comrades die?鈥
You stop, hanging onto your last breath, and hang your head a little. You鈥檇 think after so many years seeing death everywhere you look, you鈥檇 be used to it by now, but this was an old friend.聽
鈥淲ho doesn鈥檛?鈥 you remark, staring at a crack in the floorboard. 鈥淏ut you鈥檙e not just someone鈥檚 comrade, and you know that. You鈥檙e being careless.鈥
鈥溾ou lost someone, didn鈥檛 you?鈥
It鈥檚 less of a question, more of an observation. Calmly, he takes your twitching hand in his own to rub the aches out of them鈥攁lways from the ODM triggers鈥攃areful to avoid bandaged spots.
With a shake of your head, you tug on his knee to encourage him to face you. 鈥淟et me see.鈥
He shuffles towards you, but he doesn鈥檛 look happy about it. 鈥淵ou were crying.鈥
鈥淚 cry at everything,鈥 you dismiss easily, guiding his chin towards you. Though his frown is weighted by stones, waiting to see what you have to say, his cheeks are soft cradled in your hands.
Reverently, you lean in and press a fragile kiss to his forehead. 鈥淟evi, love of my life, this is stupid,鈥 you tell him as lovingly as possible. 鈥淓ven if I wasn鈥檛 here to worry about you, you can鈥檛 do this. All you can do is all you can do, and even then鈥 I鈥檝e seen you do more than anyone.鈥 You often. 鈥淚鈥檇 feel a lot better if you showed me. There鈥檚 solutions to bruises.鈥
He melts鈥攁 little at first, then like butter in a hot skillet. 鈥...Fine.鈥
With a little help, he stiffly pulls his shirt over his head. Forcefully, you put on a mask of careful indifference. You know how guilty he feels every time something like this happens as a result of good-intentioned, but self-sacrificing actions.
Bruising, as he said. Where his harness once was鈥攆our corners stretching both under his arms and over both shoulders鈥攖here鈥檚 bruising. Bruises criss-cross in an X shape following down his lower back, which disappears under his trousers. His chest is no different: a mess of purplish-bluish-black stretches across his stocky chest, follows down his midsection, and disappears in a V shape below his waist.
You again resist an urge, this time to shake him. You鈥檙e willing to bet more circle around his upper thighs, that they wind down his legs, and dig into the bottoms of his feet.聽
You stand abruptly to dig through the bathroom for lotion and first-aid, but not without petting his head first so he knows there鈥檚 no more anger waiting to be spewed. 鈥淪tay here.鈥
He nods.
You鈥檙e more worried than even disappointed anymore. If it鈥檚 as you suspect and there鈥檚 no exception to where his ODM was strapped on, then the only places he was spared are his arms, his lower legs, and (of course) from the neck up.聽
That鈥檚 it, no more work tonight. You鈥檒l strap him down if you have to.
Back in the bedroom, he did as you said, but with the favor of dressing down to just his briefs, which makes you feel a little lighter. There are bruises on his thighs. His clothes are neatly folded by his side.
He straightens up just as you climb onto the bed behind him and uncap the bottle. 鈥淚 met with Erwin earlier. There鈥檚 death certificates to take care of. Letters too, after you鈥檙e done.鈥澛
鈥淚t鈥檒l be a little cold at first.鈥
Then cold, cold cream lands on his shoulders, which you immediately begin to lather. You dig your fingertips in just a little, and he knuckles the bedspread, fighting a groan.
鈥淟ook, I heard what you said, but we shouldn鈥檛 keep those families waiting.鈥
鈥淵ou look. If Erwin knew about this鈥斺 you pop your head over his shoulder and gesture down, 鈥溾攈e鈥檇 tell you to do the same thing I鈥檓 doing now. Say, hypothetically, he somehow found out鈥︹
He鈥檚 not impressed by your threat of blackmail, but doesn鈥檛 argue. Erwin is a bigger force to be reckoned with. Levi could get put off-duty, or worse, lectured.
The stuff you鈥檙e massaging into his back, right between his shoulderblades, must鈥檝e been expensive: it鈥檚 actually thick, actually consistent, and actually doing something. Eventually, the cold fades into an icy sort of burn that鈥檚 so powerful he feels his muscles physically loosen.聽
He had no idea just how tightly he was wound until you start kneading your palms in鈥攏ot too hard, mindful of the bruises themselves鈥攁nd he has to fight his eyes on shutting, then his mind on dozing.
This and that can wait until tomorrow, you keep saying. You keep rebuking him, and he starts to have real trouble arguing now that you鈥檙e almost through with the muscles on his lower back. It has to be the worst there, because it鈥檚 never been so hard to resist showing how much he鈥檚 enjoying this.
鈥淵our hands鈥斺
鈥溾攆eel good?鈥
鈥淣o,鈥 he huffs. 鈥淵our injuries鈥斺
鈥淥h? They don鈥檛? Should I go harder?鈥
He knows what you鈥檙e doing. Maybe it鈥檚 better he just suffers the consequences of his actions. His thighs throb dully.
Breathing hard, he finally manages, 鈥淲hat if I can鈥檛 sleep?鈥
鈥淔or once I doubt that,鈥 you retort, sounding very pleased with yourself.
Fuck you for always reading him so well. He shudders a breath as you get through with his hips, and says nothing.
Now you round his other side and kneel down, looking almost scarily determined. There really is no changing your mind, let alone stopping you.聽
Strange. When he actually lets go a little, he feels less stressed. Nothing exists except for your magic hands and the focused little frown on your face as you work, and the sounds are your breaths and his much heavier ones.
So he doesn鈥檛 fall asleep, he watches your face as you move over his pecs. His middle isn鈥檛 as bad, so he can focus to talk, and explain.
鈥淚鈥檓 sure you鈥檝e noticed that recruitment is in the ground鈥攁h鈥攈as been for years now, and our living-to-dead ratio per expedition isn鈥檛 great, either.鈥
You click your tongue as you settle between his legs. 鈥淚t鈥檚 better than before Erwin came up with the long-range formation.鈥澛
Not that he鈥檚 wrong.
The lotion is terribly slippery in your hands, shaded a very diluted yellow that makes his skin almost shine when you rub it into his twitching belly muscles. It鈥檚 obvious how well it鈥檚 working鈥攏ot that you plan to tell him how expensive it was鈥攂ut you also notice, with unease, the way it makes the violent bruising brighter and somehow angrier than before.
He grunts in disagreement, though you aren鈥檛 wrong. While Shadis was Commander鈥攁nd before that, he鈥檚 told鈥攁 great deal of what the Scouts used to do outside the Walls was group up in squads, ride together, and recover as much territory as they could, until they could no longer.
Thing is, Titan country is never short on Titans, which frustrates Levi to no end.聽
As far as they know (as far as Hange鈥檚 figured out, rather), the way they breed is a complete mystery. Where they come from, why, and for what horrific reason they like to eat people has been a mystery since history became history.
He thinks, dejectedly, that the most compelling piece of data they鈥檝e collected since he joined up was that notebook a Scout named Ilse Langnar was found clutching. His and Hange鈥檚 squads recovered her from the depths of a hollowed-out tree a Titan had stuck her in. It spoke to her, called her by a different name, even.聽
Now that he thinks about it, forget data: all they reaped from that day was a heap of more questions.
鈥淚 spoke to Erwin about a fortnight ago before we left,鈥 you鈥檙e saying. You鈥檝e skipped past his thighs for now, and sit cross-legged on the floor massaging the bottom of his foot, which is propped up on your knee.
He practically punctures the bedspread from clutching so hard in order to resist twitching, flinching, and especially launching into a fit of laughter.
鈥淲hat鈥斺 He moans under his breath,鈥溾擶hat was it. What鈥檇 you talk about?鈥
You鈥檙e forced to pin his ankle down so he doesn鈥檛 twitch away from you. So ticklish. He鈥檚 lucky he鈥檚 cute.
Levi squirms.聽
鈥淐aptain Levi, you better sit still.鈥
He huffs petulantly. 鈥淔uck you. It鈥檚 your fault. Deal with it.鈥
鈥淚s it really?鈥 You dart your thumbs on his most ticklish area just to rile him up. You hear a gasp, then only a hint of a raspy chuckle before he nearly kicks you in the face鈥攁ccidentally, of course.
Maybe it isn鈥檛 your fault. He鈥檚 willing to agree with anything you say if it鈥檒l get him to sleep sooner.聽
His bruises pang dully, an amazing improvement from before. A profound heaviness drags him further and further into a warm nothingness. You make it very easy.
You decided to be generous and massaged his calves anyway. Up you go now. Almost done.
You return to what you were saying before. Erwin briefly confided in you and Mike over drinks when the discussion of future expeditions came up about two weeks ago; sealing Shiganshina bled heavily into that conversation.
Levi鈥檚 right that they don鈥檛 have enough bodies. The Survey Corps has always been an unpopular regiment for obvious reasons, and what鈥檚 worse, there鈥檚 no doubt numbers would be even less by the time you made it to the gates.聽
Even if you all traveled during nightfall, you鈥檇 have nothing to seal the gates themselves with. Stone is too heavy for the horses; Hange claims Titans aren鈥檛 tricked by tarp, nor canvas, nor wool, and even if they thought up a solution, there鈥檚 a good chance most of who鈥檚 left would die on the return home鈥攊f anyone is left.
You鈥檙e in a bad way, to be very vague and very blithe.
Levi grunts. You鈥檙e molding your fingertips with each side of his knees now, a fresh dollop of lotion making him shiver.
鈥淭hose abnormal idiots haven鈥檛 been seen in almost five years.鈥 He groans. 鈥淔uck, not so hard.鈥
You ease up, flex your smarting fingers, and wait until he goes boneless again. After what he just said, you almost want to knock on wood.
鈥淵eah, but that鈥檚 no reason to get comfortable.鈥
His hands planted back behind him are all that鈥檚 keeping him upright now. 鈥淥bviously. I鈥檓 just taking account of our shitty situation.鈥澛
鈥淚 know, angel.鈥
His eyes are closed. 鈥淓rwin will figure something out. He always does, is. His brain never stops working. Probably doesn锟斤拷锟絫 sleep, that bastard.鈥
You chitter a little, amused. 鈥淵ou don鈥檛 sleep.鈥
You don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 listening. 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 you lay back?鈥
He peels his eyes open. 鈥淲ith this slime all over me?鈥
鈥淚鈥檓 not asking,鈥 you tell him again.
With a little effort, he manages until his head is on the pillows. The bruises on his back throb a little, but the good pain wins over the bad until he floats at the very edge of a pleasant, dull sleep. The next thing he knows, you鈥檙e back between his legs, massaging more lotion into one of his heavy thighs.
He shades his eyes with his arm and ignores the fact that he鈥檚 somehow half-hard. After the past two weeks, how is that even possible?
鈥淎lmost done,鈥 you sigh softly, sounding pleased.
All this attention generously given to him when you never addressed who you lost out there earlier. You never snap at him, and after what he said, that鈥檚 how he knew.聽
He wishes it was more rare that he found you in such a state upon coming back. Part of him too is still out there, fighting, so much so that the sight of you standing after he showered stunned him for a moment.
What can be done about those things? Nothing. There鈥檚 no fixed solution, no light at the end of the tunnel guaranteed, but there鈥檚 always something he can do as far as you鈥檙e concerned.
Whatever that thing is that makes him fearless, and somehow completely safe, and happy, but also scared鈥攈e can at least share that with you. Let it consume you both. He knows there鈥檚 a name for it, but he doesn鈥檛 want to name it, not right now.
His pensive eyes are on you as you finish up. Watching you so candidly leaves him feeling excruciatingly sappy even when all the grief forces him to feel nothing.
He gets like that after every expedition. Tomorrow, without fail, he鈥檒l be on a cleaning frenzy (he鈥檚 been antsy; two weeks gives dust plenty of opportunity to collect), and you鈥檒l likely be forging his signature so there鈥檚 less work for you both to do later. His name looks better in your handwriting, anyway.
HQ will be somber, quiet, in mourning. Unlike Shadis, Erwin mandates a day off after each expedition. In the worst of cases, two.
Much later鈥攐r not, time has blurred together鈥攈e instinctively rolls over to you and lays his head down on your chest. He鈥檚 wearing pants again.
聽Then, he sees the light dim down behind his eyelids, and remembers himself a little. 鈥淵our fingers.鈥
鈥淏ad, but not that bad,鈥 you murmur, combing his hair backwards. 鈥淚 cleaned up while you were asleep.鈥
Overwhelmed, his jaw moves a little uselessly. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 not fair.鈥
鈥淭omorrow,鈥 you assure him, but he insists on asking, just in case, about whoever you lost. The pain on your face earlier was palpable.
鈥淣o, I鈥檓 happy right now,鈥 you sigh wetly. 鈥淚t made me feel better to, to make you feel better. So please.鈥
He uses the very last of his energy to lean up and kiss you somewhere鈥攈e thinks your jaw.
鈥淔ine.鈥 He鈥檚 whispering this. 鈥淏ut that goes both ways. Tomorrow let me鈥斺
鈥淎lways.鈥 You kiss his hair. "I will."
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lazycacing 2 days ago
Late night thoughts #10:
It's not that he wouldn't hold your hand in the public, it's more like he couldn't. Levi does not only have a reputation to uphold, but also fighting his inner conflicts. He is so used to being alone, being the lighthouse of hope to people. He doesn't know how to be in the state of love.
He loves by being protective. And the captain is always on his heels, looking out for danger.
So you give him his space in the public, walking next to him or slightly ahead him but still within touch. People would thank and compliment him on the streets, making him feel uneasy of the attention. Attention was a bad thing in the underground. It means you are going to get mugged.
He would pull you around by your elbow when he sees people getting too close to you, and gives death glares to men staring at you for too long when you are picking something out at the store.
One day, on the way back, on a quiet road, he slowly links his pinky with yours, trying to get permission to hold your hand. You slip your palm into his, feeling his long, delicate fingers intertwining with yours. He would do the thumb thing that makes your chest warms up.
Bonus: Erwin is walking behind you silently and takes a mental note to tease Levi later that night.
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astridthevalkyrie 2 days ago
standing at the crossroads: chapter 5
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Captain Levi is your lover. But more importantly, he鈥檚 your superior, and you鈥檙e well prepared to follow him to hell if he needs you to. And when people start turning into titans, and every bloody death is one step closer to the truth, hell may be exactly where you鈥檙e going.
Chapter 4聽|聽Series Masterlist
taglist:聽@whore-for-anime, @macaronnv, @sparklython, @marciabito, @rintarhoes, @honeycakiee, @dracq, @welcometofunkytown, @tokyo-banana, @andsothemonsterscrept, @c0urtn3y, @rukova, @deadlyaffairs, @yellowminb, @sempiternalxmusic, @lacheri, @midaribaby, @rawritzrobin, @meeraaa-17, @atinyarmyx1, @kissalix, @inaaavae, @castellandiangelo, @ackermandick, @missyasma, @tenaciouswritersheep, @notgoodforlife, @sakurashell, @lqme, @affection-thief
chapter warnings: female!reader, canon-typical violence, grief, survivor鈥檚 guilt, self-deprecating thoughts, blood
a/n: reader does a lot of thinking in this chapter lol. also hello. i鈥檓 so sorry for the late update. it鈥檚 been a hellish semester. i am graduating tomorrow, and i鈥檓 very excited.
People keep pushing you in their rush, but you still manage to weave through them easily enough, sidestepping and zigzagging the crowd. There is a steadily rising panic in the air, but for now, your heart isn鈥檛 beating madly nor are you frantic in your movements, just naturally rushed. Maybe you鈥檝e just had so much excitement today that your ability to react appropriately has been shot, or maybe seeing everyone else so freaked out is having the opposite effect on you. Whatever it is, you鈥檙e grateful. Now is no time to get agitated, not when humanity鈥檚 fate is on the line.
鈥淐aptain.鈥 You鈥檙e not even out of breath by the time you find the person you鈥檝e been looking for.聽
鈥淚 heard. I鈥檓 headed for the office they put Erwin in.鈥 Without breaking step, you fall in next to him, swerving around all the people going both in the same and the opposite direction. 鈥淵ou got checked out, didn鈥檛 you? Can you ride?鈥
鈥淵es, sir.鈥 Actually, you鈥檙e not even close to any kind of injured status. Just some minor scratches from the rocks. You鈥檝e fought with worse.聽
A peek outside the window shows you the sun has nearly set. Your heart pulses in fear鈥攔iding into titan country at night is terrifying, but there鈥檚 nothing else to be done.聽
鈥淎re you going to ride out too?鈥
鈥淲hat kind of question is that?鈥 Levi mutters.
鈥淎 fair one,鈥 you argue, with conviction in your tone. He鈥檚 in no shape to fight. 鈥淚鈥檒l follow you out, but鈥斺
鈥淕ood to know.鈥
Your cheek twitches in irritation. It鈥檚 not the time to get all antsy with him. Right now is the time to follow orders and save people, get them inside the last wall. What Thomas said鈥ell, it made you fairly certain that the titans were already deep inside Wall Rose. There must have been countless casualties already. Civilian casualties, which is a new world of horror that you鈥檙e decidedly not thinking about right now. Just like you鈥檙e not thinking about the ones in Stohess, or the way your friends were killed in the forest.
You don鈥檛 know when the right time is to think about these things, but it鈥檚 definitely not now.
鈥淲hat do you need from me?鈥
After all, there鈥檚 no need for you to hear Commander Erwin鈥檚 debriefing (or, more likely, stand outside while Levi receives it), so you might as well stay busy.
Levi thinks for a second, then inclines his head, looking at you but more looking through you as he says, 鈥淕o help Hange. We鈥檒l meet up later.鈥
Exhaling deeply, you take the promise for what it is and murmur a, 鈥淵es, sir,鈥 before separating from him. Lately, in these small moments together, it鈥檚 like you can hear the slow ticking of a clock, marking down the seconds. Reminding you that you don鈥檛 have many moments left. That any time you ride out could be your last.
Oh Rose, this isn鈥檛 a time to freak yourself out. Hange. You鈥檙e supposed to find Hange. She should have gotten some kind of office inside this base as well. Or a lab, at least.
Sure enough, when you follow the cracks in the walls, you find her, hunched over a desk observing something. Right as you enter, Moblit turns to exit. In his haste, he doesn鈥檛 see you over the large boxes he鈥檚 carrying.
The two of you crash. With a yelp, Moblit tips this way and that, sending the box at the top teetering over the edge, and then falling down to the ground. In a flash, you lean down and catch it, gasping as you look up at him. He stares with equally wide eyes.
鈥淥h, good, more hands!鈥 Hange spares you a glance, unaware of the near accident. 鈥(F/N), be a doll and help him move the boxes to the wagons, will you?鈥
鈥淵es, sir.鈥 You exhale shakily, gazing meaningfully at Moblit. 鈥淗ere, give me the other one. You grab more.鈥
He nods, dumping the weight into your arms. You grunt, but stand up straight as he scoops up the rest. Now that you鈥檙e seeing clearly, this room is only half a lab. The other half serves as storage. A peek down at the box tells you what you need to know. Emergency rations. Blankets, nonperishables, other things to hand out to refugees.
鈥淲e鈥檒l fill up the wagons, but Hange, we鈥檙e going to leave soon, so please don鈥檛 take too long!鈥
鈥淢mhm!鈥 She agrees so noncommittally that she may as well have just refused.聽
鈥淪ection Commander!鈥
鈥淚 heard you!鈥 Lifting her head up, she grins at you. 鈥淭imes like this are when I hope he鈥檚 not this loud in bed.鈥
Moblit burns red and says, 鈥淗ange!鈥 in the most scandalized voice you鈥檝e ever heard. You chuckle softly, feeling your knuckles strengthen against the wood. Honestly, you really did need the major鈥檚 humor now more than ever. It鈥檚 comforting in times like this, when the one thing you can鈥檛 do is lose your head.
However, there鈥檚 also no time to dawdle. You and Moblit quickly rush out, running side by side to fill the wagon up. Even if all of them are filled to the brim, it won鈥檛 be enough. But still, something is better than nothing. If there are any boxes left within the base by the time you leave, you鈥檒l consider the task failed.
Your mind is oddly blank. Which is surprising, considering that the last time you thought Wall Rose had been breached, you鈥檇 panicked and nearly been accused of treason, but things have changed, so a different attitude isn鈥檛 really that strange. The titans aren鈥檛 right at your doorstep, you鈥檒l get a couple hours to prepare from the looks of it, and most importantly, you know that there鈥檚 someone who can stop the titans鈥擡ren.
That is, if he manages to get back into top shape and transform without any complications. For now, all you can do is hope for the best.聽
Oh, but hope is so dangerous. You know that more than ever now.
Dangerously addictive.
There鈥檚 a slight rattling, and you turn your head to realize it鈥檚 coming from the box in Moblit鈥檚 hands. More specifically, from how his hands are shaking the contents inside.
鈥淢oblit.鈥 You try to snap him out of it, but one measly call of his name doesn鈥檛 work. 鈥淢oblit! Hey, listen to me, Berner!鈥
An anxious face meets yours right as you drop the box onto the wagon. On it, you see stress like you鈥檝e never known before. Moblit鈥檚 good on expeditions, better than someone who didn鈥檛 know him would expect. He鈥檚 like you in a way, worried beforehand but far more collected when there鈥檚 an actual fight. He鈥檚 been in the Survey Corp longer, even been Hange鈥檚 assistant longer than your entire Scouting career. You鈥檝e seen his ugly side, when he snaps at a poor passerby because of the amount of work he has to do, or when he drinks one too many cups and Rashad and Abel have to haul him over their shoulders and carry him to bed. Everyone has ugly sides, his is actually relatively normal.聽
But at the moment, you can鈥檛 let him freak himself out, because no doubt it鈥檚 contagious. 鈥淛ust a couple boxes at a time, okay?鈥 You place your hands on his shoulders. 鈥淛ust keep going, fill up the wagon, and then we鈥檒l head out. Yeah?鈥
He nods, but you keep a hold on him until he nods with more conviction.聽
鈥淚鈥檓 good,鈥 he breathes, squeezing your palm as he pulls it off. Reassured, you start walking again, and he keeps up. 鈥淚 hope the others are okay.鈥
The others. Nanaba, Gaelgar, Lynne and Henning. Mike. Mike Squad. Who are already down one person since Thomas is here.
鈥淭hey鈥檙e fine.鈥 You swallow. 鈥淭hey鈥檒l be fine.鈥
The realist in you pleads for you not to throw around statements that you know can鈥檛 be proven, but imagining everything that could go wrong will hinder you, and you can鈥檛 afford to be hindered.聽
So, you tell your head and your heart that they will be fine, and don鈥檛 budge from that singular thought.
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A hand circles your wrist before you can try and find Levi amidst the chaos. 鈥淎t least say goodbye,鈥 Millie snipes crossly.
You do more than that. Hands on her back, you pull her in, fingers tightening into the curls on her nape. Hugging her feels like more than just a casual parting. It鈥檚 been three years since you鈥檝e seen her, and now, you have no idea when the next time will be. For all you know, you鈥檙e going to be one of the lives lost in the attempts to reclaim Wall Rose.聽
Millie knows that. She holds you quietly, like a friend, like a sister, more gentle than anyone鈥檚 ever been with you. She kisses your cheek and whispers, 鈥淭hree pages. At least three pages next time. Okay?鈥
It鈥檚 a simple but effective way of telling you to stay alive. 鈥淚鈥檒l do my best,鈥 you murmur, mimicking the same words Levi had said to you the day Wall Maria fell. From personal experience, you know they鈥檙e not entirely reassuring, but they鈥檙e better than the alternative. Empty promises don鈥檛 do anyone any good.
鈥(L/N),鈥 your captain鈥檚 voice calls you from a couple feet away, 鈥渢ime to go.鈥澛
But Millie hangs on to you a couple seconds longer, and you don鈥檛 protest.
鈥淕ood luck,鈥 she says in a hushed tone. You nod, giving her one last squeeze before separating. Almost naturally, the two of you salute each other, reminding both yourselves and the other which life you鈥檝e chosen.聽
And then you part from Millie, and rejoin your captain. He鈥檇 waited, even though you鈥檙e pressed for time. You suppose you should thank him for that, but he doesn鈥檛 spare you a moment to do anything of the sort before he鈥檚 debriefing you. Apparently, the commander thought it would be cute to form little groups. The two of you will be with Hange, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and鈥
鈥淧astor Nick?鈥澛
He鈥檚 someone you鈥檝e seen a couple times growing up. People are more religious within Wall Sina than they are in other parts of the walls, and even though your mother had always turned her nose up at the church, it鈥檇 be impossible for you to avoid them entirely. Over the years, they鈥檇 spread far and wide, and Pastor Nick was well known, so when he came to Stohess, everyone would be abuzz with excitement. More recently, you鈥檇 seen him at Eren鈥檚 trial, naturally on the side opposite the Scouts, the one that wanted Eren dead.聽
The man gives you a short look. His brows furrow as though he recognizes you, but he doesn鈥檛 say anything.聽
鈥淥h, good, you鈥檙e already acquainted!鈥 Hange emerges from behind him, which is when you realize that the pastor doesn鈥檛 particularly look like he wants to be here. 鈥淢aybe you can get some information out of him, then.鈥
Your gaze goes from her to where Pastor Nick is averting his eyes, keeping them trained firmly on the ground. 鈥淲hat information?鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 about our friend up inside the wall. See, Nick here knows something and refuses to tell us.鈥
Oh. The titan. It had been so bizarre that you鈥檇 elected to ignore it altogether. And then the news came about Wall Rose, so it had been the least of your worries. But now that you are thinking about it鈥
It鈥檚 deeply unsettling.
鈥淪orry, Major. My family wasn鈥檛 very well renowned by the church.鈥 Then you address him directly. 鈥淯nless you鈥檙e feeling friendly?鈥
The only answer you get is a slight scoff. More of an answer than you anticipated, honestly. And you鈥檙e more tired than you expected yourself to be, so you don鈥檛 have the energy to push further. If Hange couldn鈥檛 crack him, then what are your chances?聽
Damn, you shouldn鈥檛 be this drained when there鈥檚 a fight coming. The fear, at the very least, should keep you from letting your guard down at the worst possible time. Maybe it鈥檒l make up for the lack of sleep you鈥檝e gotten in the past twenty-four hours.
All of you get in the cart. You鈥檙e smushed against the side, Levi on your left, then Pastor Nick, then Hange. Her squad is supposedly up the front with the commander, for whatever reason. You鈥檙e not going to try and figure out Erwin鈥檚 play. Not tonight. As Hange explains the situation with the pastor to the three teens, you focus on the hooves of the horses as they ride out of Stohess.聽
Leaving this time hurts much worse than it did all those years ago.聽
There goes the promise of a safe life. Right here, with Levi, is the rest of yours.聽
Thing is, you think you鈥檇 feel just as much despair if you鈥檇 still been in Stohess and had to part from him as he left without you.
Your life companion. Your captain. Your superior. That鈥檚 better than any lousy husband or wife. Right? Right? Yeah. Right.
A part of you wonders if married couples that are in love ever feel the same disconnect that you do from Levi right now. You鈥檙e not angry with him, how could you be when he hasn鈥檛 done anything to hurt you? No, you鈥檙e angry with yourself, angry for letting him down, and he鈥檚 angry at you for being angry with yourself, and the whole thing is so, so stupid.聽
If you weren鈥檛 in a moving cart with five other people, you think maybe you鈥檇 kiss him. You haven鈥檛 kissed him in鈥owever long it鈥檚 been, it鈥檚 been too long.聽
Titans. Titans are in Wall Rose. No kissing, no hugging, only fighting, only slicing their napes open. Again, and again, and again, until鈥ntil鈥
鈥淭o hell with that!鈥 Eren snaps you out of your reverie as he stands, slamming his hands down on the table. 鈥淣o, we鈥檙e doing this backwards! If this son of a bitch knows something, he needs to come out with it! Humanity鈥檚 on the brink of extinction and all you care about is keeping your oath?鈥
He falters, sitting back down with his hand on his face, in obvious pain. Mikasa fusses over him, and then you hear the familiar click of a gun. 鈥淭here鈥檚 more than one way to get at the truth,鈥 Levi mutters, 鈥淕ranted, I may not be in top form at the moment, but it doesn鈥檛 take much strength to squeeze a trigger. That said, I鈥檓 genuinely hoping I won鈥檛 have to blow a hole in you to settle this. How about you?鈥
Your eyes flit down. In Levi鈥檚 hands, concealed by his black suit, is a flare gun. If the situation wasn鈥檛 so dire, you鈥檇 smile. Yeah, he鈥檒l do a whole lot of damage with that. It does make you wonder, though. You know he鈥檚 killed people, but as far as you鈥檙e aware of, he hasn鈥檛 done that since he joined the Scouts. Though it鈥檚 not hard for you to imagine him as a killer, you surmise that he was quite a different person back then. Someone who wouldn鈥檛 have put up with your bullshit as lightly as he did. Well, if 4 AM drills and sparring sessions that ended with your uniform covered in dirt and mud counted as light.聽
鈥淥i.鈥 Levi鈥檚 elbow nudges yours. 鈥淵our hair.鈥
Concerned, you reach up to touch it, before realizing what he鈥檚 talking about. 鈥淥h, I lost my tie during the fight. Didn鈥檛 have time to find another one before we left.鈥 It鈥檚 a hassle fighting without your hair tied up, you know from all the times it鈥檚 come loose on missions. Sometimes, you鈥檇 keep spares in your satchel.聽
Levi reaches inside his suit. From a pocket, he pulls out a tie, flicking his thumb to throw it to you.
As you catch it, you feel Mikasa鈥檚 eyes on you, but you try not to call more attention to the gesture than needed.
However, you do get the several meanings behind it.聽
You鈥檇 never been aware that he carried spare hair ties for you, aside from the few times during expeditions you specifically asked him to. When it became a regular habit, you don鈥檛 know. So it鈥檚 sweet, in a sense, that he鈥檚 come to anticipate such a minor need of yours. If several years in the military had left you an optimist, you鈥檇 even consider it romantic. But since the beginning, in fact, dating back to your very first encounter with him, Levi had insisted that you tie your hair up. You鈥檇 started doing it then to get in his good graces, so he鈥檇 agree to train you. And over time, it just became natural. You鈥檇 even grown to prefer it that way.
Levi, though? Levi had made it quite obvious that he didn鈥檛 prefer it that way. Levi, who always made a point to undo your bun and run his fingers through your loose hair, despite him being the one who pushed you to start wearing it like that. Levi, who鈥檇 given you several bruises and cuts with his rigorous training sessions, but who kissed the cuts on your hands with a look of deep guilt, like he himself had carved them there. Levi, who鈥檇 told you he鈥檇 wipe your smile from your face but then later said he wanted to bring it back. Always contradicting himself. The separation of being Captain Levi and being your captain, a distinction that neither he nor you could ever quite figure out.
Him giving you the hair tie is a gesture that tells you he鈥檚 asking you to be professional, strong, tough鈥攁 soldier, with her hair tied up. The woman he loves, the one in his arms with her hair down, is not needed, as much as he clearly hates pushing her away.聽
You reach up and tug your hair into a bun in one fluid motion, and wonder if it鈥檚 possible for that woman to die completely, and just how much Levi would miss her if she did.
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You鈥檙e starting to get sick and tired of revelations.
One, the walls are made up of titan material. Whatever the hell that means. The important thing is that Eren might be able to harden too, and Wall Rose could be saved if he could manage to plug up the hole.
Two, little Krista Lenz who came by your usual workout spot to ask for tips and tricks was far, far more valuable than she let on. How and why, Pastor Nick refused to say, but clearly seeing all the people desperately fleeing their homes did a number on him. Probably the same number seeing Wall Maria falling did on you.
And so the little group Commander Erwin has put together must split up before even going on their first mission. Levi orders Armin to be clever, Mikasa to be strong, and then鈥
鈥淒on鈥檛 screw this up,鈥 he tells Eren coldly, and you frown from the corner you鈥檙e standing in.
That鈥檚 unnecessarily harsh, and you know you鈥檙e not one to talk, when your teammates literally made up a nickname for you based on how emotionless you get outside the walls. And you know Levi had to cut Eren out of his titan because he鈥檇 been about to consume the Female Titan. But as far as you can see, Eren hasn鈥檛 done anything malicious, and he鈥檚 doing pretty well for a literal fifteen year old who hasn鈥檛 been given an instruction manual on his newfound powers.
But you keep your mouth shut because鈥ell, because you鈥檙e not trying to argue with Captain Levi right now.聽
He turns to you and you salute, spine straight. 鈥淪ir. Shall I accompany Hange Squad?鈥
Levi and Hange look at each other, exchanging a few silent sentences, until Hange nods and orders Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and the brown-haired girl who entered earlier to follow her out. Similarly, you and Moblit communicate with just a few expressions, and with a simple breath, he nods his head. You鈥檙e good. You鈥檙e both good. He follows her out and you release an exhale that you didn鈥檛 know you鈥檇 inhaled.
鈥淵ou鈥檒l stay with me, for now.鈥 At your questioning glance, he continues, 鈥淲e still don鈥檛 know the situation with the titans. There鈥檚 no need to put all the non-invalid soldiers in one location.鈥
Right. That makes sense. Still, you can鈥檛 help the fleeting need to go to Utgard Castle with the rest, just so鈥
So you can see if Mike Squad is alright.
But of course they are. They鈥檙e just as good as you in terms of skill鈥
And look where the rest of your squad ended up.
No, no, no. Ever since Eren has shown up and turned everything on its heel, you haven鈥檛 known what the right balance is between reckless optimism and counterproductive pessimism, but anything aside from total neutrality is distracting. Destructive, even.聽
Shaking your head, you focus up. 鈥淎nd where will we be heading, sir?鈥
Before Levi can answer, someone else does.
鈥淭rost.鈥 Commander Erwin steps into the room, looks between the two of you, then settles on Levi. 鈥淲e should arrive there by daybreak.鈥 His gaze trails down to the captain鈥檚 leg, despite the other man鈥檚 slight scowl when he notices the motion. 鈥淪till fine to keep riding, Levi?鈥
鈥淵eah.鈥 Levi鈥檚 jaw is set. 鈥淕o. We鈥檙e right behind you.鈥
To his credit, you really are. Hardly a minute passes after Erwin leaves before you鈥檙e preparing your horses. As you give Horsey an apple from his saddlebag, you note that Levi is already seated and ready to go.聽
Ever the fighter.
He鈥檚 not a perfect soldier. No, he鈥檚 far too disgruntled of a person for that. But, and you can鈥檛 help the resentment you feel towards the commander, Levi is the perfect weapon. Humanity鈥檚 Strongest Soldier.聽
That doesn鈥檛 mean he can鈥檛 just鈥reak, one day.聽
You鈥檝e seen the ugly sides. His nightmares, tears, and breakdowns. Sometimes it would be natural, the both of you twisting and turning in your sleep after a particularly gruesome mission, suffering with similar demons. And other times, months after an incident, you鈥檇 find Levi鈥檚 cheeks stained with tears that you鈥檇 dutifully wipe off until they stopped coming.聽
When he鈥檚 already given his very soul to the cause, what more does the commander want from him? His limbs? His life?
鈥淐aptain, if we do run into titans鈥︹ You wait until the both of you are mounted to ask. 鈥淲hat exactly will you do?鈥
He鈥檒l fight, you tell yourself, of course he鈥檒l fight. He鈥檚 no quitter.
Levi gives you a long, hard look. 鈥淚 suppose I鈥檒l get eaten.鈥
And you think you physically feel the ripple of anguish travel through your veins at the very prospect.聽
鈥淭hat was a joke,鈥 he quips dryly, tugging the reins, 鈥渓et鈥檚 move out.鈥
Many people have told you that you have shitty humor, the captain included. But you don鈥檛 think any one of your jokes has ever left such a sour taste in someone鈥檚 mouth.聽
Shit, you are not this sensitive. Life is changing all around you, but you refuse to let it turn you into something you鈥檙e not.
Even though a creeping voice in the back of your head tells you that you already have.
Fucking Maria, Levi should just leave the humor to you.
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By the time the news arrives at Trost, you鈥檙e close to chewing off your nails in frustration.
You think it鈥檚 the first time you鈥檝e seen Pyxis really look his age. Tired, weary, and very much like he鈥檇 enjoy sleeping the day away.聽 鈥淚 see,鈥 he says to the panting messengers in front of him, 鈥渘o breach as far as you can tell, correct?鈥
鈥淭hat鈥檚 correct, sir.鈥
鈥淗m. As I thought.鈥
The brown-haired girl who you鈥檇 seen leave with Hange earlier makes a face and whimpers when the water in her flask runs empty. You give her yours, and she beams appreciatively while the other soldier continues.
鈥淏ut, sir!鈥 he cries. 鈥淎 situation has developed. You see, we ran into another group on the way back to Trost. It was the Scout unit led by Section Commander Hange.鈥 Your ears perk, and your nerves stand on edge. Had something happened to Hange鈥檚 group? 鈥淭here were recruits from the 104th Cadet Corp with them, none of whom had equipment! This may sound crazy, sir, but three of them were鈥斺
Oh, no. You didn鈥檛 want to hear it.
The tiny headache forming from the lack of sleep and general tenseness of the situation increases tenfold.聽
Fuck the titans.聽
Erwin has a hand on Jean鈥檚 shoulder, holding him back from being rash. With a sharp tone, he questions, 鈥淲hat happened when their titan forms were revealed?鈥
You鈥檙e ready to panic.
鈥淭he Scouts faced them. The Armored Titan, and the Colossal, head on. But by the time our unit arrived on the scene, it was鈥oo late. I鈥檓 sorry.鈥
Everyone falls into a brief silence, but that鈥檚 not enough for you. 鈥淭oo late? Too late for what? Major Hange鈥檚 dead?鈥
鈥淣-no!鈥 he stutters, and both agitation and relief bloom inside your chest. 鈥淣o, what happened is鈥斺
鈥淲hat about Mike Squad?鈥
鈥淚-I鈥檓 not sure, sir鈥斺
鈥淒ammit, how many people were killed!?鈥
Not the drawl that you鈥檙e used to hearing your name in such a commanding way from, your head jerks to the side in surprise at the commander, who鈥檚 giving you that look he always gives you, like you鈥檙e a nuisance he can鈥檛 be bothered to deal with.聽
鈥淧erhaps it鈥檚 best if you go sit in the cart and await further instructions.鈥
To do this in front of a group of soldiers, in front of Pyxis, your old commander. Holy Rose, he should have stayed your commander, because if you鈥檇 never left the Garrison, you wouldn鈥檛 have to get so involved in this utter bullshit. You wouldn鈥檛 be standing here being benched like you were a goddamn cadet and not a fully grown woman with an alarmingly excellent titan kill rate. You wouldn鈥檛 be getting humiliated by a man who has always seen you as nothing more than an unreliable burden.聽
鈥淚s that an order?鈥 It takes every muscle in your body to prevent your teeth from clenching. 鈥淪ir?鈥
He stares at you for a moment, but then, deciding he can鈥檛 be bothered, looks back down at the frantic soldier, motioning for him to go on.
鈥淓ren Jaeger was taken. Some people were wounded, and two Scouts were killed.鈥
That鈥檚 not good enough. But it is for Erwin, apparently, because he nods, albeit with a newfound tense expression on his face. Tense doesn鈥檛 even begin to describe what you鈥檙e feeling right now.
If Eren really was kidnapped, then鈥hen, what did you lose your squad for? What would these new鈥攐r old鈥攅nemies do with him? And really, how long can you stand here thinking of what-if scenarios while everything goes straight to shit?
Not long, it appears. 鈥淎ll personnel, prepare to ride out!鈥 Erwin booms, brushing past the group that鈥檚 gathered around him. Jean moves to talk to the brown-haired girl, who doesn鈥檛 seem to have any intentions of giving you your flask back. It鈥檚 fine, water seems like a relatively useless need right now.聽
Just as you鈥檙e about to mount your horse, you hear the commander behind you.
鈥淣ot you. I want you to stay here.鈥
For a horrible second, you think he鈥檚 talking to you, but when you turn, it鈥檚 Levi who鈥檚 being told to stay behind, raising an appraising scowl to his commander鈥檚 order. 鈥淎nd when things take a turn for the worse out there, who do you expect to take on the Armored and Colossal?鈥
鈥淪omeone who has a functioning leg,鈥 is Erwin鈥檚 smarmy response. Levi scoffs, loudly, but you鈥檝e never seen him disobey a direct order from Erwin, and today is no different. Neither man is wrong. Levi can hardly fight when it pains him just to walk, and Erwin knows fully well that even with an injury, Levi still has far more fighting prowess than anyone else in the military.
Except maybe, over the years, you鈥檙e not quite the selfish person you used to be, but only because you鈥檝e developed a certain different type of selfishness. A selfishness that calls to you, whispers oh so discreetly.
Humanity may fall, but at least Levi will be safe.
There it is, the bane of your existence.
And so you say nothing, knowing that it could very well mean failure.
鈥淓rwin,鈥 Levi says, now facing your shoulder with his back to Erwin. Jerking his head, he continues, 鈥淭ake this one with you.鈥
鈥淣aturally, she鈥檒l ride alongside the rest鈥斺
鈥淣o,鈥 he retorts, 鈥渢ake her with you.鈥
For once, you have no idea what game Levi is playing. Neither does Erwin, it looks like, but he nods curtly either way. 鈥淔all into formation besides me,鈥 he tells you, 鈥渕ake it quick.鈥
Then he begins to walk away, leaving you to give Levi a confuddled look. 鈥淲hy did you鈥斺
He seizes your arm, so tightly that it would hurt if your tolerance to pain wasn鈥檛 high, and so harshly that someone would think you had been insubordinate.聽
鈥淏ring him back alive.鈥 He murmurs the command into your ear. 鈥淣o matter what it takes.鈥
He lets you go after that, brushing past your shoulder without any other words. And while you didn鈥檛 hope for or expect a tearful goodbye or even a wish of good luck, you didn鈥檛 think you鈥檇 be left with this.
Because even if he didn鈥檛 intend it, Levi鈥檚 words carry a second meaning, one that you hear loud and clear.
This time, don鈥檛 fail.
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Hange鈥檚 face looks almost natural with burns. You鈥檙e almost certain you鈥檝e seen the sight before, but it doesn鈥檛 make it any less disturbing. However, it鈥檚 extremely relieving to see that the burns don鈥檛 stop her from barking out orders, or from using her wonderful brain to locate exactly where Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover might have taken Eren. From beside you, Moblit squeezes your shoulder affectionately, in what you interpret as a returned favor for before.
The time crunch rings, both in your head and on Mikasa鈥檚 face. Sundown. You have till sundown.
鈥淗ey.鈥 In your rush, you run up to a boy with a buzzcut, aware that standing outside the wall is not ideal for having a conversation, but you can鈥檛 wait, and Moblit and Hange are too busy. Besides, the horses are still being transferred, and your query will only take a second. 鈥淪orry, I didn鈥檛 mean to alarm you. But I was told you were at Utgard Castle with Mike Squad. Springer, right?鈥
鈥淯h, yes, Connie Springer, sir!鈥 He salutes. 鈥淚 mean, ma鈥檃m!鈥澛
You don鈥檛 really have a preference.
鈥淚鈥︹ Your breath catches in your throat, dry from how terrified you are to hear his answer. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 see Mike Squad around. Did you鈥攄id you separate from them, by any chance?鈥
Springer鈥檚 face turns pale.
A low thud settles in your stomach. 鈥淎ll of them?鈥 you ask quietly, allowing yourself to despair.
鈥淎ll of them,鈥 he says, clearly regretful, with downcast eyes, 鈥渨e saw all of them, you know鈥xcept Section Commander Mike. He went off on his own, but he never returned.鈥 At the thought of Humanity鈥檚 Second Strongest dying all alone, out there somewhere with no one coming to his aid, you could swear the world stops. You were never close to him, but he was so strong, and if he couldn鈥檛 make it, then what chance did the rest of you have?
And the others. Gaelger, the only person who could realistically challenge Moblit to a drinking competition. Henning, always a calm presence around the base, excellent at puzzles. And Lynne, so good with kids and the elderly, a natural soldier because of the goodness in her heart.
Nanaba, your favorite sparring partner.
鈥淭hey fought till the end,鈥 Springer mumbles, 鈥渢hey protected us.鈥
鈥淭hat was their job,鈥 you respond dully, 鈥淚鈥檓 glad. Glad they dedicated their hearts.鈥
Only for Eren to get captured and for everything to go straight to hell anyways.
You exhale shakily. Another elite squad, plucked off like nothing, for no reason. Your response to Connie is what you鈥檙e supposed to say, what the commander would say. What you want to say is that at the end, you wish they had strayed. You wish they had prioritized their own lives.
And speaking of the commander鈥
鈥淪ir.鈥 You meet him at the bottom of the wall, gingerly landing on the grass. You鈥檙e not sure how to put it, but he鈥檚 never been delicate with you, so you see no reason why you should spare him either. 鈥淎side from Thomas, Mike Squad has been wiped out.鈥
Not a single flinch, or change in his carefully crafted expression. 鈥淵es, I heard. Anything else?鈥
Section Commander Mike was your friend. Don鈥檛 you want to cry for him?
鈥淚 assume you were informed of this Beast Titan?鈥
鈥淵es. That鈥檚 not our primary goal right now, however. If we don鈥檛 recover Eren, then another titan shifter will be the least of our problems.鈥
Are you like me? Incapable of mourning, too focused on just doing the task in front of us?
Perhaps you don鈥檛 want to be similar to a man so many people consider a monster. Not much further from a titan himself鈥攔ather, their number one meal supplier.
Could you have made the call to send them all to their deaths? No, would you? If you get annoyed by anyone else questioning your capabilities instead of your willingness, it should apply to yourself as well.
You don鈥檛 know. You don鈥檛 really know anything anymore.
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It feels wrong to be riding outside Wall Rose, without Petra and Eld on either side of you, without Levi in front. Not just the spirit of it, but physically. Your head keeps jerking to your right involuntarily, then angrily refocusing forward when you don鈥檛 see the sight you鈥檙e accustomed to.聽
Your heart goes thump, thump, thump.
The only comfort you have is that if you crane your neck just slightly, you can see Ricky behind you on the far left, and he dutifully raises a hand in acknowledgement every time he notices you looking. A gesture that you return in kind, knowing that being able to see each other during missions is a rare luxury. With so many soldiers from the Garrison and Military Police coming along, there wasn鈥檛 any time to explain the long distance formation to them. It鈥檚 risky, but efficient.
The Scouts on the outliers still spread out a bit to send smoke signals back to command. You notice Commander Erwin never gives the order out for anyone else to shoot a green flare, always choosing to do it himself. His usually pristine blonde hair now has some wisps decorating his forehead, but other than that, he鈥檚 solemn, serious, and it鈥檚 hard to hate him for essentially killing people when he always leads the charge himself.
It鈥檚 hard, but you can still manage it. Fuck him.
Especially because even as red flares fill the sky, he never strays too far from the path, no matter what it costs. And no hesitation. No crack. Nothing, absolutely nothing鈥
鈥淲hat the hell!?鈥
Gaping, everyone looks up, where red flares have started to fill the sky. Not from a single direction, but from everywhere.
鈥淐ommander Erwin!鈥 one of his men cry. 鈥淲e鈥檙e surrounded!鈥澛
鈥淭here is a way around. Should we head towards it?鈥
It鈥檚 a pointless question. The forest is close, Eren is just out of reach. Erwin would never let that kind of chance pass away, regardless of how many lives he damned in the process. 鈥淪oldiers!鈥 he yells out. 鈥淧repare to fight!鈥
Good thing you鈥檝e been preparing all day. Finally, that tension, that anger, that overwhelming need to do something, is given an outlet. Leaning forward until you鈥檙e almost flat, you push your horse further, following the commander straight into the fray.聽
Titans, all waiting in front of you, make a gleeful charge.聽
Cries of war behind you.
A flash of lightning bursts through the air in the middle of the forest, halting both titans and humans as everyone is momentarily distracted by the sight and sound.
Amidst the gasps, Armin鈥檚 voice rings out clearly. 鈥淚 think someone鈥檚 transforming into a titan!鈥
The odds of it being someone on your side is 50/50, and you really don鈥檛 like those odds.
鈥淪oldiers, disperse!鈥 the commander booms. 鈥淭he enemy has assumed titan form! Find Eren and get him out of there! Battle is not our objective! Locate, recover, and retreat!鈥
Several cables shoot into the sky, and the itch for a fight makes you slip your fingers into the holster, gliding over the lever and ready to fire.
Erwin looks back. 鈥淲e forge ahead this way! Do not engage ODM gear unless you need to!鈥
The two men behind him echo, 鈥淵es, sir!鈥澛
You don鈥檛.
Why not?
There鈥檚 no reason not to!
But before you can protest, he fires off another green smoke signal, not to redirect the group, but to catch the attention of the titans. You don鈥檛 understand, is he using himself as bait?
Your horse squeals as one of the titans dives on its stomach, barely missing you with its mouth. On instinct, you swing your arm behind you, gasping, release the blade, and send it flying straight towards the titan鈥檚 eye, which it heads dead on, forcing the creature to abandon its prey so that it can regenerate.
鈥淐ommander!鈥 Your shriek is breathless. 鈥淲hat are you doing?鈥
Of course, he doesn鈥檛 see fit to respond. Not to you. Because you鈥檙e his soldier. Because you鈥檙e a Scout. Because you鈥檙e supposed to dedicate your heart.
Except he鈥檚 wrong. You鈥檙e not dedicated to his stupid fucking cause, you couldn鈥檛 care less about discovering the world or eliminating all the titans or achieving freedom. You don鈥檛 follow Erwin, you don鈥檛 follow the Scouts, you follow Levi. Because you admire him, because you love him.
And you鈥檙e not going to die because Erwin commanded it.聽
Levi told you鈥攐rdered you鈥攖o keep Erwin alive, no matter what. His not being here cannot diminish the weight his words carry for you. And they won鈥檛. They won鈥檛, they won鈥檛, they won鈥檛!
Hundreds of people must be screaming. They鈥檙e screaming because most of them are dying. But out of all of it, the fear and blood and catastrophe, you somehow make out Ricky鈥檚 voice exceptionally clearly.
Your head turns, and your eyes widen.
Tears gush from her eyes. Her cheeks are bright red, and as the sword she was holding collapses to the ground she clasps her hands together in what looks like a prayer, but really, she鈥檚 just holding her hands to her heart.
鈥淚 love you!鈥 she screams, voice tearing from deep within her. 鈥淚 love y鈥斺
That鈥檚 the last thing she says before she鈥檚 eaten.
And the subject of her confession, Ricky Belle, screams equally as loud.聽
Time freezes.
Ricky鈥檚 lost her. He鈥檚 crying, running head on to get his revenge.
You have to help him. If he fights like this, he won鈥檛 make it. You have to go after him.
鈥淏ring him back alive.鈥
No. This wasn鈥檛 supposed to happen. You were never supposed to choose.
Protecting one person was protecting the next. So how is it possible that you have to choose now to either help your best friend, who just lost his girlfriend, or to keep following the commander, the very reason for her untimely death?聽
And all because of Levi鈥檚 orders? Do they outweigh the life of your best friend?
You realize they do.
You can鈥檛 even shut your eyes to hide the terror that envelopes you. Fear of the titans. Fear of yourself.聽
Unsure which is greater, all you can do is stare straight ahead as you leave Ricky behind.
There鈥檚 another flash of lightning. For the first time in your life, you gaze upon the Armored Titan, leaving the forest with Eren in tow.聽
鈥淩ight!鈥 Erwin bellows, raising his sword. 鈥淟et the titans chase you! All squads, follow my lead!鈥
With a repulsive crack of your heart, you register that he hadn鈥檛 even noticed Lily鈥檚 death. Because of course he didn鈥檛.
鈥淓rwin!鈥 someone roars. 鈥淵ou conniving bastard!鈥
Amidst the dust and wind beating at your face, you face the fact that you just left your Ricky to die.聽
You鈥檝e set yourself on this path, to make sure that Erwin comes back alive.
Death erupts around you, cruel and twisted and terrible, as everyone begins to engage. Erwin shouts orders left and right, and it鈥檚 only your instincts and your horse that manage to keep you alive as he fires another flare, directing the attention of the titans exactly where he wants them.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e insane,鈥 you wail under your breath. He doesn鈥檛 even hear you. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e off your fucking rocker.鈥
If you were as brave as you used to be, and not so focused on the horrible happenings enveloping the plain, you鈥檇 say it louder.
It only takes a few terrifying minutes for the next order to come down. 鈥淪quadrons, break! Make the titans scatter!鈥
Oh, fuck. You actually scream this time, barely ducking out of the way from giant flailing hands, gripping onto the reins of your horse with one hand as you begin to slash wildly with the other. It doesn鈥檛 make more than a few cuts, but it prevents you from getting cut as you stay right on Erwin鈥檚 trail.
The world, usually green and blue and everything in between, is a disgusting shade of orange uniforms spattered with red.
Jean is who you catch sight of first as Erwin abruptly slows for a second. The new Scout looks queasy as he stares upon the titans descending on the Armored. Voice trembling, he asks, 鈥淚s this hell?鈥
鈥淣ot yet. But it will be,鈥 the commander promises, riding forward. You gasp sharply, only inches behind him. 鈥淎ll soldiers, charge! We鈥檝e come to the moment of truth! Mankind鈥檚 fate is decided now! There is no future in which we reclaim these lands without Eren, and there never will be! Go! Recover Eren from the Armored Titan and retreat!鈥
Well. You鈥檇 always known it was going to end like this.
鈥淵our heart and soul to the cause!鈥
For a beat, you feel nothing. There is absolutely nothing left in you to give to Erwin鈥檚 cause.
Then, as you ride, you spot something.
Or more accurately, someone.
Banana-colored hair. Flying up through the sky and advancing straight forward.聽
The feeling rushes back to you all at once. Erwin cries, 鈥淎dvance!鈥 but instead of being focused on him or on Eren, it takes everything in you to not let the lump in your throat overwhelm you right then and there. Ricky鈥檚 alive. You didn鈥檛 abandon him to die, he made it.
So relieved are you that you forget your mission.
It happens all at once. In the blink of an eye. You almost miss it.
Until you hear the ground-shattering screech.聽
鈥淐ommander Erwin!鈥
In what is possibly your darkest moment, you think this could be amusing. That鈥檚 the arm he salutes with.
It鈥檚 barely registered in your mind before you hear Erwin scream, 鈥淚 said advance, goddammit! Eren鈥檚 right in front of you! Do not falter!鈥
And well, you don鈥檛 really know if he seriously expects you to obey that order.
鈥淣o matter what it takes.鈥
You鈥檙e flying off your horse, with your old instructor鈥檚 instructions from the first day of ODM training ringing in your ear. Never. Ever. Fly Backwards.聽
Distributing your weight, you flip back, one sword gripped tightly in both hands. With a crunch, it digs into the titan鈥檚 flailing arm, slowing your descent. If you were Levi, you could roll around the arm and slice it clean off, but since you鈥檙e not, you use the sword lodged into the titan鈥檚 arm to propel yourself up towards its shoulder.聽
If you can grab any part of its skin, you鈥檒l have the chance to take out another sword. If you can just鈥攇et鈥攈igh enough鈥
The benefit of having grabbed the commander by its mouth is that the titan has both its hands free.聽
The other one comes swooshing down to grab you, and you鈥攑erhaps stupidly鈥攍et it, latching onto a finger and taking a blade out without the holster to stab into its palm.
As you drop, your fingers dig into the blade, drawing blood. Without even looking at them, you shoot your wires as high as you can, and suddenly you鈥檙e running up the titan鈥檚 stomach鈥
Without anything to keep it from carving into your hand, you slice the titan鈥檚 neck, and the air splatters with both of your blood. Right as it starts to topple, Commander Erwin severs his own arm and free falls towards the ground.
Sliding around the dropping titan鈥檚 neck, you grab onto him, before landing in a rough but otherwise safe landing.聽
Erwin鈥檚 torso is stained with your blood. And his arm is stained with his own.
There鈥檚 so much of it, you note as you bite down the familiar nausea.
鈥淲e need to get you out of鈥斺
鈥淲hat were you thinking!?鈥 he roars, cutting you off. 鈥淵our orders were to retrieve Eren! Between two people, you save the one who鈥檚 irreplaceable!鈥
Not the thank you that you with your bloody palms think you deserve.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 care what Captain Levi told you.鈥 His eyes are wild in a way that you鈥檝e never seen. 鈥淩ight now, your orders come from me.鈥 And before you can even comprehend that he somehow knew about Levi鈥檚 orders, he鈥檚 pointing his good hand towards the hoard of titans swarming the Armored. 鈥淕et me there. Immediately.鈥
Go fuck yourself, is on the tip of your tongue. Instead you raise your fingers to your mouth and whistle, hauling Erwin onto your horse behind you and heading into the fray.
It all passes in a flash. People dying, titans dying, it鈥檚 all hazy against the red blurring your vision. Like the opposite of an out of body experience, you only feel the physical, the way your body jolts with each step forward, how the blood warms your hands, Commander Erwin holding tight onto you with one arm. That pressure leaving when he, without any indication, shoots up to slice right through the straps holding Eren hostage against someone.
If this man doesn鈥檛 stop falling, you鈥檙e going to have a very serious talk with whoever raised him.
鈥淎ll soldiers, retreat!鈥
You鈥檙e not even going to bother to believe that you can make it out that easy. And sure enough, the large body that the Armored Titan throws your way proves you absolutely right.
Both you and Erwin are blasted off from the impact. You think you hear something crack and hope it鈥檚 not your own bones.
鈥淪hit,鈥 you hiss, struggling to stand. You have to escort Erwin out. Now.
鈥淐ommander!鈥 someone else cries. Erwin says something, but there鈥檚 a ringing in your ear that drowns it out.聽
As you sit up, you take notice of a few things.
One, no one nearby is going to come to your aid.聽
Two, titans are now closing in.
鈥淒ammit, Levi,鈥 you mutter under your breath, 鈥測ou asshole.鈥
You stand.
鈥(L/N)!鈥 The commander is gripping his ripped sleeve in obvious concealed agony. 鈥淔ind Eren and get out of here!鈥
鈥淚 have to鈥斺
Out of nowhere, he grabs the front of your collar. 鈥淲hat you have to do is listen!鈥
In that moment, he sounds so much like your mother that the anger that has been building for years finally erupts.
鈥淪hut up,鈥 you let out with gritted teeth, seizing his arm and yanking it off. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 care about what you think I have to do. I was told to bring you back alive, so I do not care who lives and who dies, I am going to make sure you get back to base, and I don鈥檛 care what you have to say about that, so for once in your life, shut up!鈥
And then you look up at the titans with your last set of blades and get ready.聽
You don鈥檛 care what he says. You don鈥檛 care about how your body aches. You don鈥檛 care that somewhere deep within you, a girl is shrieking that you鈥檙e going to die. She鈥檚 pleading with you that no one, not even Levi, is worth your life.
Just like with the commander, you tell her to shut up.
Time to go out in a blaze of glory.
A tremor starts鈥攊t begins at your feet, but jolts through you like an electric shock. Everyone in your line of vision looks like they鈥檙e experiencing something similar, and strangely enough, so do the titans. Not even sparing you a glance, they begin to turn and rush towards the same place.
Not towards a person, but towards another titan.
Honestly, you don鈥檛 have the energy to question it.
Thankfully, Horsey is unarmed. 鈥淕ood boy,鈥 you whisper shakily, pulling the commander on once more. 鈥淟et鈥檚 go.鈥
On the way back, you see Ricky, still alive. You see Eren, up and kicking. You鈥檙e not sure if you retain the right to feel relieved, but that doesn鈥檛 stop the feeling either way.
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Titans are humans.
Hange gives this disturbing discovery as you all stand in Commander Erwin鈥檚 room, next to Connie Springer, who looks more horrified than all of you combined. After hearing his story, you can鈥檛 even imagine how you鈥檇 compose yourself if you were in his shoes.
Hange assures everyone she鈥檒l escort Connie out. Pyxis heads out next, giving you a nod and a pat on the shoulder from where you鈥檙e standing by the wall. Finally, Levi stands, and you prepare to follow him out until Erwin speaks up.
鈥淟ieutenant. Stay for a few minutes, please. I鈥檇 like to talk.鈥
Levi鈥檚 brows raise, and if you weren鈥檛 so baffled you鈥檇 smirk. This is the first and only time Erwin has ever: one, not kicked you out of a meeting, and two, asked for a private word afterwards.
鈥淩ight. I鈥檒l wait outside,鈥 Levi murmurs to you lowly. You nod, curt, as he shuts the door behind him.
After he leaves, you face the large bed with a salute. The entire ride back to base, he鈥檇 said nothing directly to you, although you鈥檇 imagine that once the adrenaline wore off, the pain finally set in, not that he displayed any. All the soldiers that had rushed him once you were over the wall were far more concerned about his state than he was. He鈥檇 asked for Hange, but she too had been placed under the care of medics to treat her burns.
Still, even afterwards, when he had plenty of time to reprimand you in front of both Levi and Pyxis, the commander said nothing. Maybe the revelations and plans were at the front of his mind, but could you telling the leader of the Survey Corp to shut up really just go unpunished?
Well, if that had been the case, you wouldn鈥檛 be standing here. This might be the moment you鈥檙e finally kicked out of the military; you have been testing the waters for years.
Erwin breaks the silence. 鈥淭hank you.鈥
You don鈥檛 let yourself get hopeful. But?
鈥淏ut you should have saved Eren,鈥 he concedes. 鈥淚 understand Levi gave you a certain task, however, outside the walls, you listen to your direct superior.鈥
Maybe it鈥檚 not even worth pretending that you鈥檙e taking his words to heart. There鈥檚 no way he believes the insincere nod you give him. He must know that if you had to repeat the day over, you鈥檇 make the same decision. 鈥淗ow did you know about that, sir, if you don鈥檛 mind me asking?鈥
鈥淚 know Levi,鈥 he responds cryptically, and at your dubious look he reveals, 鈥淎nd he wasn鈥檛 that quiet.鈥
You鈥檇 thought Levi had been pretty quiet. 鈥淵ou were eavesdropping.鈥
鈥淚s that a bad thing?鈥
鈥淚t is if people have secrets.鈥
鈥淎nd you do, don鈥檛 you, Lieutenant?鈥
Dammit, you knew he knew. 鈥淚 have no idea what you mean, sir.鈥
His gaze passes over you. 鈥淔or the longest time, (F/N)鈥斺 For some reason, the use of your first name makes you stand up straighter. 鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 figure you out. But I think I have, now. Or I did, on the battlefield.鈥
Now why in the world would he be paying attention to you when there were so many lovely titans to focus on instead? You don鈥檛 care for theatrics, when they鈥檙e not your own at least. 鈥淚鈥檝e told you before that there鈥檚 nothing to figure out that you don鈥檛 already know, sir. Fickle heart, right?鈥
You don鈥檛 mean for the last part to slip out. It鈥檚 bitter, the one thing you鈥檝e always remembered he said about you. The one thing you鈥檝e always remembered whenever you鈥檙e either saving someone or killing a titan, pushing his cause forward.聽
He leans forward. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 one thing I can apologize for.鈥
Your tongue clicks. 鈥淲hat were the other candidates?鈥
鈥淭he 57th expedition, for one. Do not think I took that loss lightly.鈥 He sighs. 鈥淭hey were remarkable soldiers.鈥
No, they were so much more than that.
鈥淥r maybe for leading you into a situation where you had to make a decision between staying with me or helping your friend.鈥
This makes you stop. He鈥檇 seen you abandon Ricky? Someone had been a witness to what could easily be one of the worst things you鈥檝e ever done?
鈥淥r鈥︹ And at this he looks you straight in the eye. 鈥淢aybe you鈥檇 like me to apologize for Stephen Hansen.鈥
Your veins turn to ice.
He knows his name?
There鈥檚 no way.
鈥淵ou expect me to believe you remember him? That you didn鈥檛 just find an old file so that you could bring him up?鈥
鈥淢aybe you鈥檒l be surprised to learn, but I didn鈥檛 derive any pleasure from seeing him eaten.鈥 Erwin doesn鈥檛 remove his hard gaze. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 know that stopping in that city would lead to his death.鈥
鈥淏ut it did.鈥 After holding it in for so long, you finally accuse him. 鈥淚t did, and you never took responsibility.鈥 Really, you鈥檙e not sure what taking responsibility looks like in this kind of situation, but you have to level some kind of crime at him, otherwise you鈥檒l be just like him, pointlessly blaming the titans. 鈥淵ou can鈥檛 possibly remember every single person who鈥檚 died for you.鈥
He doesn鈥檛 disagree. 鈥淚 don鈥檛. But I do remember him. Does that convince you that I鈥檓 telling the truth? It doesn鈥檛 matter. Whether or not you believe me is irrelevant. The point is, if I start apologizing for every death I鈥檝e caused, I鈥檒l sit here forever, and even if you believe that鈥檚 fair punishment, the hard reality of our situation is that there鈥檚 no time to sit and apologize, not if we want to move forward.鈥
鈥淥h, right. The mantra that you both live by.鈥 The mantra you could never live by. It makes you smile tightly. 鈥淣o regrets. It must be a real easy way to deal with all the guilt, right?鈥
鈥淒o you think so? Tell me, in all the nights you鈥檝e spent with him, how many nightmares has he had?鈥
It truly does offend you that he thinks you鈥檙e this stupid, but you simply stress your point, more strained this time, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what you鈥檙e talking about, sir.鈥
鈥淵ou don鈥檛,鈥 he repeats.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 need your confirmation, you do understand that, correct?鈥
Yes, you do understand that. It鈥檚 more of a petty thing at this point.
鈥淎lright. Let鈥檚 say I do apologize for Stephen Hansen. For Petra Ral, for Oluo Bozado, for Eld Jinn, and for Gunther Schultz. I can go on. But none of them are who I鈥檇 like to discuss with you.鈥
Oh, so there is a point to this.
鈥淚鈥檇 like to discuss Captain Levi.鈥
That is probably the most jarring thing he鈥檚 said in the last few minutes. There is no way that the purpose of this visit can actually be to grill you on a relationship that he has no evidence to prove. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know how many times I have to say鈥斺
鈥淵ou obeyed his orders out there. Not mine.鈥
鈥淵es, sir.鈥 Perhaps Yes, Commander No-Shit might be more appropriate.
鈥淵ou care for him.鈥
鈥淗e is my superior,鈥 you answer carefully.
鈥淲hat would you be willing to do for him?鈥
You blink. 鈥淓xcuse me?鈥
鈥淚 do realize that his orders take priority over mine. However, I have a certain set of orders that I鈥檇 like you to follow, and I think you鈥檒l do it without too much persuasion on my part.鈥
There鈥檚 no response to this, not until you hear what exactly the orders are, so you just wait for him to continue.
鈥淚鈥檇 like you to put that loyalty to good use. Protect him the way you protected me out there.鈥
Ironically, this is the first thing in days that has made you laugh. It鈥檚 a full blown one too, if a bit sarcastic. The familiar feeling of lightness in your stomach, one you鈥檝e missed sorely, returns with force.
鈥淐ommander,鈥 you inform him with a bright grin, 鈥淲ith years of experience, I can safely tell you that Captain Levi doesn鈥檛 need anyone protecting him. I could train for a lifetime and his skills would still surpass mine. I鈥檝e never seen a single titan that he couldn鈥檛 kill.鈥
鈥淭itans, yes.鈥 Raising his arm, the commander points his hand at the window, middle and index finger extended. 鈥淏ut even Levi can鈥檛 do anything to stop a speeding bullet if he can鈥檛 see it coming.鈥
The smile vanishes from your face.
鈥淲hat will you do then?鈥 he asks. 鈥淲hat will you do when there is a bullet headed towards him, and no amount of skill will stop it?鈥
There鈥檚 only one correct answer. It settles in, a newfound, heavy weight on your chest.
You step between Erwin's hand and the window, blocking him from the sunlight, and meeting his eyes with all your conviction.
If all he needs is a body, then, for Levi, you鈥檒l gladly step in.
鈥淩ight.鈥 Erwin looks grim, but satisfied. 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry to put you in this position.鈥
Somehow, you don鈥檛 think he really is sorry, but what鈥檚 more is you don鈥檛 want him to be. He鈥檚 right, he has so much to apologize for that it would be ridiculous to actually demand it, but this does not fall into the list. All for one reason.
鈥淭hank you.鈥
He raises one of those large brows. 鈥淔or?鈥
鈥淚 understand you now too.鈥 You give him the first heartfelt salute that you鈥檝e ever afforded him. 鈥淭hank you for not letting Levi go with the rest of us. Thank you for caring about him.鈥
Nodding shortly, he says, 鈥淟ikewise.鈥
So the two of you are similar to each other, after all. Not just because you鈥檙e monsters, but because you鈥檙e actually not as monstrous as either of you would like to believe.
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Levi doesn鈥檛 ask what you and the commander discussed. You think it鈥檚 because he really doesn鈥檛 want to know. Smart.
He leads you to his office, face twisting in slight pain every few seconds whenever he puts too much weight on his leg.
鈥淐aptain.鈥 Once the door is closed, you reach out for him. 鈥淪ir, please sit.鈥
Before you can make contact, he beats you to it, nudging you back until you鈥檙e seated against his desk. Ignoring your bafflement, he takes your hands and begins to unwrap the bandages, reaching to pull out a clean one from his drawer.
Throughout it all, he鈥檚 silent, and so are you. You watch him as he gives you his entire attention, carefully cleaning your cuts before starting to apply the new bandages. It hits you, the thought鈥攜ou don鈥檛 deserve this鈥攂ut you don鈥檛 say it, wanting to feel his touch for as long as you can. Because now you know time is even more limited than you thought.
鈥淲ill you not even look at me?鈥 you ask quietly when he鈥檚 done.聽
Without obliging you, he answers, 鈥淲e haven鈥檛 spoken since you came back. I assumed you didn鈥檛 want to.鈥
鈥淥f course I do. I always want to talk to you. I just thought鈥︹
Levi intertwines his fingers with you, then looks up from your hands, finally giving you a much needed dose of gray.聽
鈥淚 just thought you didn鈥檛 want to.鈥
He shakes his head slowly. 鈥淲hy wouldn鈥檛 I?鈥
You bite your lip. 鈥淵ou鈥攜ou said to bring Commander Erwin back alive. No matter what. And I brought him back with one arm. I mean, he鈥檚 not dead, but鈥ut I didn鈥檛 exactly鈥 failed,鈥 you spill, swallowing. 鈥淎gain.鈥
鈥淒umbass,鈥 Levi snarks, 鈥渂ringing him back alive implies I need you back alive too.鈥
鈥淣o.鈥 Tucking a finger under your chin, he continues. 鈥淕et the thought out of your head that I blame you for what happened to the squad. It鈥檚 as much my fault as it is yours.鈥
鈥淵ou put me in charge.鈥
鈥淚 put myself in charge of Isabel and Farlan too.鈥 His eyes flash. 鈥淭hey died under my care.鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚鈥攖hat鈥檚 different!鈥
鈥淲hy?鈥 Levi鈥檚 grip on your hand tightens. It hurts, but you don鈥檛 want it to stop. 鈥淏ecause you鈥檙e allowed to blame yourself and I鈥檓 not?鈥
鈥淣o, because I let you down! I can鈥檛 trust myself not to do it again!鈥
鈥淲hen did you become just my soldier and nothing else, huh?鈥
You don鈥檛 answer. You can鈥檛 answer. Although you think the answer is some time around when Gunther鈥檚 head was sliced off.
No response.
鈥(F/N), answer me.鈥
You don鈥檛.
Levi groans, frustrated, then tilts your head up.
He tries.
鈥淚f I was just your captain, then you wouldn鈥檛 let me do this,鈥 he breathes, leaning in close.
You turn your head.
Well, this feels nostalgic in all the wrong ways. Levi鈥檚 lips still on your cheek, not moving, but you see the realization settle in on his face.
Rejecting a kiss from him could be the cruelest thing you鈥檝e ever done to both him and yourself. You hate it. But it鈥檚 your message to him, the message that, at least for now, he can鈥檛 have both.
And this one, as much as it hurts you because you love him more than you鈥檝e loved anything or anyone else, is the right choice.
Sliding off the desk, you accept it and decide not to have regrets.
鈥淚鈥檒l meet you at the safehouse once you鈥檙e finished here, sir.鈥 You salute. 鈥淚 assume Major Hange has already begun to lead Springer there.鈥
Levi knows, and you know, that there is now a wall between you two. The lines between superior and lover are not as blurred anymore. If it hurts him鈥攜ou know it hurts him鈥攈e doesn鈥檛 say anything, but accepts your decision, which, you realize with anger, makes you love him all the more.
鈥淲hen you arrive, do a parameter check and make sure the area is secure,鈥 he orders you motionlessly.
鈥淵es, sir.鈥
Then you turn and head out the door to join up with the rest of your new squad.
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chrisrobert-evans 2 days ago
Council of Anime Men I Love
Hello, embark with me on a journey of gathering my favorite Anime men into a group and making headcannons of them.聽
Today's head cannon is: How they respond to running into your ex.
On my list of men we have: Kakashi Hatake, Yami Sukihero, Levi Ackerman, and Satoru Gojo x black reader (Can be read by all)
CW: Allusions to sex, suggestive sexual content along with suggested violence. Kinda fluffy, kinda angsty.
1. Kakashi Hatake:
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Kakashi wouldn't care. He'd be the type to brush your ex off. In fact, you'd have to beg him to interfere.聽
"Y/n!" Your ex shouted when he saw you.聽
You cringed and turned around from the product you were looking at. Kakashi looked up from his make out paradise book to see the man approaching you. He'd let you handle It for now. The guy was obviously no threat and Kakashi had no reason to suspect anything from you.聽
"Oh hey Ayato!" You faked a smile.
"Ayato, this is my boyfriend, Kakashi, Kakashi, this is Ayato, my ex-boyfriend." You took kakashi's arm, hoping he'd get the hint.聽
"Hey." He threw up a peace sign.聽
"Ope well, look at the time, we've got to get going we have a busy day." You tried to walked away.聽
"Aww are you sure? I'd love to catch up with you."
You shook your head. "I don't think we can stay, right Kashi?"
Kakashi look at you and then to Ayato. A devious smirk ghosted his covered lips. "We can go out for coffee, I'd love to hear about Y/n more."
You gave him a death glare. One that let him know he was in for it later that night. He'd just calm you down later.聽
2. Yami Sukehiro:
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Yami would be the complete opposite of Kakashi. He's in your conversation before you can even think. You have to beg him to stop interfering.聽
You didn't think the conversation would be this long. You knew Yami was in the bathroom and he would be a minute, but you thought you'd be done with the conversation by now. You didn't know your ex was going to ask you everything about life.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing talking to my woman?" Yami stands behind you. He's got a cigarette between his lips. His huge gruff stature drew your ex's attention.聽
Your ex backed away given that he was significantly smaller. You closed your eyes in defeat.聽
"Who's this clown giving you heart eyes?"聽
You forced a smile and turned to him. "Yami, this is just an old friend of mine." You said sharply. "Be nice."
You could feel his mana radiating from him, trying to assume dominance over a man he knew nothing about. "I suggest you stop making eyes at my woman and continue shopping."聽
"Yami-" You started.
"Alright man, I was just talking to her, she can't have friends?" Your ex finally found his balls and stood up to Yami.聽
You gave him a sympathetic smile before whispering, "run"
3. Levi Ackerman:
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Levi doesn't interfere with your reunion with your ex, but he also doesn't let it go like Kakashi. He's more of a subtle type of guy, but very possessive.聽
Your ex came up to you while you and Levi were on a small lunch date at this local tea shop. Levi was drinking his tea and talking about his grievances with the young scouts when your ex came up to you.聽
"Y/n! Hi! didn't think I'd see you here, you weren't ever a big fan of tea."
You gave him a fake smile. "I wasn't a big fan of certain teas, yes."聽
Your ex barely paid mind to the man sitting beside you. Levi's eyes were cold and his glare could kill the man with how sharp it was. "Perhaps she didn't like your tea." Levi mumbled.聽
You grabbed Levi's hand that wasn't holding his teacup.
Your ex finally looked at Levi. "Is this your friend?" Obviously he was more than that, but your poor idiot ex couldn't get the hint.
"Boyfriend." Levi corrected.聽
"Oh boyfriend, well it's nice to meet you, and good to see you again Y/n!"
"It was a displeasure to meet you." Levi stood up. "But I'm glad you messed up." He draped his jacket over your arms as he gestured for you to stand with him. "Now she's mine."
4. Satoru Gojo:
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This man is a man-baby about it. He's the most insecure of them all. You have to reassure him that you will never leave.聽
"Satoru please take your blindfold off!" You huffed. "It's not like I flirted with them!"
You were perched on Gojo's lap while his back was against the bed's headboard. He was pouty with his arms crossed. He usually never wore his blindfold around you, but after the mall trip you just had, he'd had it on ever since.聽
You were at the mall doing some shopping when you ran across not one, not two, but three of your exes. Only two of them spoke since you cut off all contact with one of them. However, Gojo wasn't a fan of how you smiled at them and laughed at their trash jokes.聽
"I was being friendly 'toru. I'd never leave you for trash like them. They all broke my heart, but you- you have it." You grabbed his hand and pressed it to your lips.聽
"You promise you don't still have feelings for them?"
"Pinky! Besides none of them could fuck me like you do." You whispered.聽
Satoru slid his blindfold up. "Damn right!" He flipped you over on your back.聽
Please do not copy any of my works without permission
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koulakoukoula2003 21 hours ago
Hello! could you possibly do Levi with a s/o who knows how to play the violin really good and she has not told anyone, but then one day he finds her playing Experience By Ludovico tysm!!
Awwwwww, anon, I used to be a piano performer and I know a few violin basics too! I'm writing this while listening to this man's amazing music, it's just 馃憣馃憣馃槱
Also, im so sorry this took so long, anon馃槥
Genre: fluff, no warnings
Pairing: Levi x violinist!Reader
You had kept it a secret for many reasons. First of, audiences made you panic. You never performed in front of anybody. It's not that you couldn't take judgment. There was a time that you could, but a performance went bad and you swore to never do that again. It had almost made you hate that one thing that you loved the most - violin.
You had been playing ever since you were little. You adored it. You always got so lost in it. But maybe giving Levi a second key to your home was a bad idea. At first, you hadn't answered the door to him knocking. You simply hadn't heard him, but he was getting worried.
You never told him you could play. But he heard it the second he stepped in using his spare key. He followed the sound upstairs to your room. Your door was half-open but he could still see you inside, holding the chestnut brown violin, swinging the bow in perfect, smooth motions that accompanied the music.
And you played it so good. The sound was so beautiful. He didn't know you could play. You two had been dating close to a year and yous still hadn't told him somehow. But you were so beautiful, he almost felt like he was falling for you all over again.
Only when you finished the song and turned to place the violin back in its case, did you realise he was there. You let out a yelp of surprise that startled you both.
"Levi! H- How long have you been... standing there?" You stuttered ridiculously. He couldn't have watched this, could he? "I- I- I'm sorry, I play terribly, please forget you saw this-"
"Oi, what the fuck did you just say?" He cut you and he approached you. "Terribly?" Levi frowned. "My ears may be fucked up, but it didn't sound terrible, brat. Not even close,"
Your cheeks were a cherry red and you looked up at him hesitantly. "Y- You mean that?"
"Tsk, of course, y/n," Levi cupped your cheek. "Why didn't you tell me you could play like that?"
You chewed on your lip. "Well... it's a long story,"
"I have all night,"
You smiled at him and fell in his arms. Your sweet man was always so understanding. You buried your face in his neck and you sighed blissfully.
"I love you," You whispered softly in his neck and a small smile spread on his lips as he buried his face in your hair.
"I love you too, y/n,"
Boy do I know about fucking up a performance AHAHAHAH *cries in failure* LEMME KNOW IF Y'ALL LIKED IT!
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sukunababy a month ago
饾悆饾悎饾悅饾悐 饾悁饾悕饾悁饾悑饾悩饾悞饾悎饾悞
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鈥 Eren Jaeger, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirschtein, Reiner Braun, Levi Ackerman x f!reader
cw. big dicks, creampie, deepthroating, cum eating, pet names, praise, mating press, squirting聽| m.list
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饾悇饾悜饾悇饾悕 饾悏饾悁饾悇饾悊饾悇饾悜
鈭 BIG. LONG. THICK. FAT DICK. Probably one of those cocks you can see the outline of when he pushes it in 鈥 Eren's cock is one of those cocks you have to be properly prepared for to take it. Pink tip that tends to dark red as it begins to drool pre cum 鈥 veiny shaft, fat and heavy balls. 10/10 he teases cause he's aware he's big and never misses a chance to tease you, "my pretty girl is struggling to take me, im gonna make it fit, baby"
His arms hold your thighs up as he pushes his fat cock inside your tight pussy, your back resting against the cold tiles of the shower as Eren grunts in your ear, "fuck, huh baby, you like that, don't you?"
His cock hammers your tender spot hard and his balls slam lasciviously against your ass, "It's to-too much" you sob under his thrusts and you can feel how his girth twitches inside your hole as you cling to his long hair.
Your pussy grips its length so well that Eren can't suppress his moans, "fuck, you're gonna make me cum" he coos grabbing one of your hard nipples between his teeth as the hot water keeps running over your sweaty bodies, he angles himself so well that his crotch rubs against your hard nub making you spasm.
Your folds flutter around him messily as he continues to thrust deeply into your dripping pussy, "yes, so close" he babbles when your eyes roll and your walls tighten, your stomach clenches before you gush over his throbbing cock.
"Shit, that's it, what a good girl" Eren hums holding you between his hard body and the wall, his throbbing cock continuing to fuck your abused hole as you tremble in his arms.
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饾悁饾悜饾悓饾悎饾悕 饾悁饾悜饾悑饾悇饾悜饾悡
鈭 his cock is LONG, fills you so well 鈥 you drool as soon as his tip presses on the bottom, and his cock is not all the way in 鈥 Pinkish tip and not very veiny. Heavy and sensitive balls, he could cum just watching you take one in your mouth and adore it. 8/10 is always tidy and his seed tastes good, not sorry for this
Your eyes roll at the lewd sound of your pussy being fucked good, his moans escape lightly from his puffy lips hidden on your throat, "baby, uh you're so good" he stutters rubbing the head of his long shaft on your sweet spot.
Your fingers are wrapped in his blonde hair as Armin works his hips against yours in a slow rhythm, his balls slamming into your ass gently, "I'm gonna cum" you meow, your cunt continues to stretch under his thrusts before he lifts off of you.
"Please come for me" he hums rocking his hips back and forth, his pretty long cock throbs as he disappears inside your tender cunt and reappears with a white ring all around it, his thumb rubs circles on your hard wet nub triggering your orgasm.
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饾悏饾悇饾悁饾悕 饾悐饾悎饾悜饾悞饾悅饾悋饾悡饾悇饾悎饾悕
鈭 Jean has a long and pretty dick. The longest and prettiest of them all, thick enough, in proportion let's say 鈥 not very veiny with a nice thick pink head when fully hard. His balls are heavy against your tongue when he makes you lick them and pre cum starts to slide down his shaft. 10/10 loves to have you choke on his pretty cock.
His heavy balls slam on your chin as he holds your head still and rams his hips against your face.
"Oh you are fuckin good" Jean growls low throwing his head back as he hits the back of your throat tearing a gag.
Your eyes fill with tears and your jaw starts to ache, "is my cock too big for you baby?" he asks amused tearing you away from his thick shaft, drool keeps your tongue attached to the tip of his cock as you chase back the tears and start pumping him with both hands.
Jean smirks as you greedily suck the tip and work the shaft with your hand, "you're eager for my cock uhu baby you drive me crazy" he admits watching as you try to swallow his cock deeper.
Drool drips on his pretty balls as you bob your head back and forth, your moans buzz in his ears and his hips lift towards your face.
His thick cock throbs on your tongue before his load starts to fill your mouth, "fuck baby, take it all," he gasps pushing into your mouth, "let me cum in your cute throat."
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饾悜饾悇饾悎饾悕饾悇饾悜 饾悂饾悜饾悁饾悢饾悕
鈭 THICK. VERY THICK. Reiner's cock is bigger than long, heavy and veiny 鈥 a large vein runs through his shaft and throbs when he cum. The tip is dark pink and tends a little to the right, 鈥 balls so full and heavy that every time he cums your belly swells, and it comes gushing out of your slit. 9/10 one of those that won't make you walk the next day and loves the idea of breeding you.
"T-too big" you sob as you try to slide onto his shaft, your nails scratching his shoulders and digging into his biceps as he holds you still in his lap.
Reiner smiles placing his lips to yours before pulling you down completely ripping a scream from you, "you've taken it before" he coos grabbing your ass and starting to make you jump on him, "take it all" he says sinking deeper again.
You whimper savoring the way his fat cock spreads your tight cunt, your eyes roll back as you feel him hit your sweet spot, "you always take me so good, my good girl" he hums in your ear.
Your pussy clenches so tightly around him when Reiner finds your bud and begins to circle his thumb around it, your hips begin to roll taking his cock deeper and deeper, your swollen, slick walls fluttering around him.
"Reiner ... c-close mh," you stutter, his eyes fixed on your tight little pussy swallowing his thick cock as you keep grinding against him.
"Yes, will you come like a good girl?" he asks as you spasm desperately in his lap riding out your orgasm, wrapping your arms around his neck and your lips to his in a sloppy kiss.
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饾悑饾悇饾悤饾悎 饾悁饾悅饾悐饾悇饾悜饾悓饾悁饾悕
鈭 omg Levi is FAT and LONG. 鈥 he's not aware that it's way too much until you ask him to slow down while he is hammering because he's splitting you in half. It has so much girth that you can't get your hand around it. Sensitive cock, literally just rub your thumb over his tight slit and he'll twitch. Breeder balls. Yes please, your cunt is a 10000/10 for him when he sees his cum dripping out because his load is too much. 9/10 his cum is bitter because of the tea he drinks
The headboard slams against the wall, but the possibility that the neighbors might complain doesn't cross your mind, not when his thick cock grinds fiercely inside your abused slit.
"Levi, oh shit" you groan, his strong arms hold you wide open as he rolls his hips against yours, his heavy balls slap your ass filling the room with lewd sounds, "I'm gonna fucking cum like this" you babble.
Your eyes roll back as Levi pushes your knees to your shoulders making you hold them open for him, "be good" he moans from above you, your mind feels too fuzzy but you do what he says.
You grab your thighs and take everything he gives you. His thick shaft pounds against your sweet spot making you feel full, his tip drooling pre cum as it sways back and forth.
Your eyes fill with tears and your walls throb around his cock, "a little more" he slurs grabbing your hips as he pushes his shaft past your slick folds, "you're so tight" he coo lasciviously.
His thick cock spreads your tight walls making you moan as Levi begins to pound desperately, he grinds his thumb on your puffy clit making it throb as you start to cum and gush, squirting around its girth.
"Fuck, that's it" he moans slamming his shaft down on your clit as he is pushed out by your milky cum, "that's a good girl" he coos rubbing his cock on your folds to extend your pleasure and release his load on your belly.聽
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馃彿. @im-eating-rn @shoto-daddy @imkumichan @yunho-leeknow @jean-prettyboy-kirschtein @tojibreedingme @littlemochi @weyheyavengers @yeagerfushiguro @senjuasuna @devynfayrer @sirenuh-blog1 @sukunasbabymama @lilymoonpie @cryszus @dukina @spicybunnyxp @matssuncxmslxt @shigamiryuk @narmisseite @hannas16 @kurtaclangobrr @daoyuu @itsmeseph @awkwardchick87 @ramens-posts @imkumichan @trueshellz @peace-for-levi @tojidilfs @lobotomy-lover @keresssss @jiminie-08 @simpforerenn @seiiblue @snoopysxng @toshigimmemilk @atsushisbunny @ray-lol @blesserqueen @fantasyfairysworld @ren-simp
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m-jelly a day ago
What about Levi x reader with a new baby and she is already a little insecure about breastfeeding cause it's just not going right. Then, out and about one day they realize they forgot a bottle and she decides to breastfeed in public (which can be controversial) and Levi tries to shield reader and the baby for her comfort and tells off anyone who has something to say. It starts going much better after that with both reader and baby getting the hang of things.
And it's totally cool if it's not up your alley. But if you want, a story or HC discussion, whatever you think. And, what DO you think Levis reaction is?... I almost went with something different but couldn't stop thinking of this.
Personally? I think there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public. Baby gotta eat. Only became a problem because breasts have been over-sexualised. Let that woman feed in public! Let the baby eat! Stop making women feel ashamed of their bodies!
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@kenkopanda-art is so bad ass <3 look at this pretty banner!
Only natural
Pairing: Levi x Reader
Genre and tags: Modern AU, fluff, cute, first time parents, newborns, dad Levi, protective Levi.
Concept: Levi can see how exhausted you seem from your baby not latching on when it comes to breastfeeding. Your husband suggests a nice walk in the park to relax you a bit. As you walk, your baby starts to fuss needing food. You check the bags but can't find the bottles, which means you have to feed your baby in public. Levi shields you from prying eyes and shuts up anyone who makes a comment. You don't care because your baby finally feeds.
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Levi rocked his little baby in his arms with a soft smile on his face. Things had gone perfectly so far. You were healing well, he was changing nappies and doing the middle of the night wake ups and your baby was healthy. You were both a well-oiled machine full of love, but there was just one issue.
Your baby was refusing to breastfeed. Levi could see it was getting to you emotionally, so he was doing everything he could to support you. He was giving you massages, baths, all the good food. Levi was a fantastic husband and father. He did everything for you, which is why he felt awful that he couldn't fix this one thing for you.
He approached you sitting on the sofa looking mentally tired. "I have an idea."
You smiled at your husband and sweet baby. "Oh yeah?"
"I think all three of us need to get out of this house. How about a walk in the park?"
You got up and sighed. "Perfect idea." You kissed your husband, then tickled your baby's cheek with love in your eyes. "Sweet baby."
He handed the baby over. "I'll get everything together."
"Thanks." You smiled down at your newborn. "So cute. We make cute babies."
Levi hummed a laugh and got distracted by gazing at you. "Yeah." He blushed and hurried with the rest. "Come on."
You lay your baby in the carrier and sighed. "There we go."
Levi pushed the pram as you hugged his arm. He led the way to the park and walked slowly with you. He smiled a little as he felt you relaxing with each step. He just wanted to fix everything and make things perfect. He wanted you to be happy. He knew there would be some issues and he was prepared, but he was too prepared. He knew he needed to take a step back and let you feel.
You jumped when your baby started fussing. "Have you got a bottle?"
Levi checked the bag hanging on the pram. "I should." He felt a cold rush through him. "I swear I packed them...oh...shit I got distracted. I'm sorry."
You nibbled your lip. "Levi?"
He led you to a bench. "Just try, okay?"
You nodded. "Okay."
He handed you the baby. "Here." He took his cardigan off as you started pulling your top down on one side. He hid your breast and the baby with his cardigan. "That okay?"
You gulped. "Yeah. Thank you." You massaged the top of your breast. "Alright little bean, feed from mummy."
"Unbelievable." A man tutted. "Feeding in public? Children could see."
Levi glared at him. "Listen, asshole. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural and my baby needs to eat. You going to let a baby starve because you only see breasts as things for pleasure?"
The man scrunched his nose up. "Breasts are sexual things!"
"Then why the fuck do they make milk for babies? If they were just for pleasure, then they wouldn't produce shit and just be sensitive things."
You looked at your husband. "Levi?"
"Hold on, sugarplum." He stood up and pointed at the man. "You don't know what we've been through, you don't know us, you aren't the police and her breast isn't hanging out."
He turned to you. "Honey."
You smiled. "It's working."
Levi lit up. "Wait, really?"
You welled up and nodded. "Yes. I'm finally breastfeeding."
Levi sat down and put his arm around you. "I'm so glad." He kissed the top of your head. "I bet you're going to sleep tonight."
You giggled. "I am."
He wiped your tears away. He kissed you, then pulled back the cardigan a little and looked down at his baby feeding. "Hungry, aren't you?"
"Very, it seems." You laughed and looked up at the man. "Fuck off!" You smiled when he ran off. "Honestly! Who is he to say how I use my breasts? Asshole."
Levi hummed a laugh. "You're a wonderful mother."
"Thank you. You're the best dad and husband." You kissed him and moaned a little. "I love you."
"Love you too."
You gasped. "Oh, burping time."
Levi took his baby from you and held them against his chest. He patted their little back until they burped. "All done."
You tucked yourself away and sighed. "Thank you."
"I'll do anything for you both." He lay his little bean in their pram before pulling you close and holding you. He rocked the pram to get his little one to sleep. "Anything."
You nuzzled the crook of Levi's neck. "Thank you."
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marvelousbakugou 3 months ago
Hey, love? Hmmm?
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lazycacing a day ago
Late night thoughts #11:
Miche and Nanaba finally tight the knot and decided to throw a wedding in the Scout's HQ. You had been choosen as one of Nanaba's bridesmaids and Levi was Miche's best man.
With limited budget, everyone in the Scout chipped in and helped with the wedding. The men and boys decorating the canteen into the wedding hall, while women and girls prepared the food. The best men and bridesmaids were responsible to ensure the bride and groom look presentable during the ceremony.
With a tight schedule and a lot of work, you and Levi didn't get to see each other much. You even spent the nights with Nanaba and the other bridesmaids (Hange and Petra) working on the dresses and decorating Miche and Nanaba's new room. Erwin gave them a private room at the end of the least used wing of the castle.
After 5 days of chaos, it was finally the wedding day. Miche and his best men, Moblit and Levi wore their best suit that they sheldom wore, waiting for the bride's (and bridesmaids') first look. The 3 men were nervous, especially Levi because he had never seen you in a dress and his thoughts were running wild.
"Here comes the bride, boys," Hange announced as you approached with Nanaba walking between you and Petra. The men turned and their eyes widened with shock when they laid eyes on Nanaba. Nanaba in a spaghetti strip silk white dress to her ankles, a string of pink pearls hanging between her collar bones, and a crown made from fresh daisies sitting slightly crooked on her blond hair. She looked like a fairy. As they locked eyes, tears streamed down Miche's cheeks, reminding him how far they had come.
When everybody was admiring Nanaba and Miche's sweet interaction (crying, wiping tears and whispering I Love Yous), Levi had been staring at you with awe. When he first saw you walking down the stairs in that off shoulder lavender coloured dress, his mind was blank and his jaw dropped. You had a couple of tiny white daisies tied onto your hair (Petra's idea), like snow falling permanently on you. Subconsciously, he reached for your hand and pulled you closer gently, as if he was holding a porcelain doll.
"Hi, captain," you smiled brightly at him, checking him out in his black suit and slacks. "Hi...," he whispered, "you... you look b-beautiful." He blushed. Levi had never been good with compliments.
Kissing his cheek, "you look stunning, captain. You look like a prince." You told him.
"And you look like my bride," Levi thought out loud, blushing hard. Before you could react from that sudden comment, Levi had moved away, barking orders to Moblit to get a handkerchief for Nanaba and telling Miche to stop crying and get to the wedding hall because we were going to be late.
You smiled at your shy captain who got shock at his own comment as much as you. But you were happy to hear his honest thoughts. You started moving and helped Petra fixing Nanaba's makeup as Hange fixed her veil on her head.
Levi stole a glance at you before he disappeared into the hall with the groom.
"We are going to have a wedding too, someday," he secretly made a promise to you.
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gojogotswag 6 months ago
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I鈥檓 sensing a pattern here鈥. 锟
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m-jelly a day ago
Hi Jelly. Could you do Levi x affectionate reader, but she's shy to be affectionate with him (they are still just friends with mutual pining) and he's confused about it thinking she might hate him because of this lack of fisical contat, and then he comfronts her and she addmits she was scared he wouldn't like it, but from now on she will shower him with affection
Cute <3 Yes.
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@kenkopanda-art just rocking it with these banners <3
Come closer
Pairing: Levi x Reader
Genre and tags: Romance, confessions, shy reader, affectionate reader, cute, fluff, modern AU.
Concept: You and Levi have feelings for each other and since you realised it, you've been holding back on affection towards Levi because you don't think he'd want you to be like that. Levi notices the change and misses your affection. When he confronts you in his office, you confess your feelings.
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Levi watched you hug Hange tightly as you both laughed and joked together. He had noticed you'd stopped hugging him and being playful with him for two weeks. Levi's heart hurt because having that affection allowed him to be close to you.
He hated this distance.
His eye twitched when you playfully shoved Mike. "Tch, damn it."
Erwin leaned against the wall next to his friend. "Something on your mind?"
"What is it?"
He nodded to you. "She's stopped being like that with me."
"Right." Erwin tousled his blonde hair. "Perhaps you should have a chat with her? Instead of guessing, you should ask her what's changed and she will tell you."
Levi clenched his jaw. "I don't like cornering her at work."
"Then outside of work."
"Maybe." He pushed away from the wall. "I just want my friend back."
Erwin watched Levi sulk as he walked to his office. "Poor guy." He approached you and motioned for you to follow him to a little corner. "Hey, Levi needs to see you in his office. Before you go, what's going on?"
You hugged yourself. "I developed feelings."
"You should tell him."
"I should."
He pointed. "Office."
You hummed. "Yeah, see you soon." You strolled down to Levi's office and knocked. You entered once he gave your permission. "Hey, Erwin said you needed to see me?"
Levi sat on his desk. "No, but I'm going to take advantage of this moment. We need to talk."
You nibbled your lip. "Sure."
"You've stopped with the touching, hugging and playfulness. Did I do something to offend you?"
You shook your head. "No."
He shrugged. "Then what the fuck is going on?"
You sighed. "The problem is how I feel."
You sat on his sofa. "I've fallen for you. At first, it was a little crush, but the more affectionate I was with you the harder I fell. I got scared you wouldn't like it if you knew I was being affectionate because I had feelings for you. So, I stopped."
Levi wiggled his finger. "Come closer."
You walked over to Levi. "I'm sorry. I'll do my best to hold back my feelings."
He reached out and held your chin. "You really do have feelings for me?"
"I do."
He blushed hard. "Then you should be more affectionate with me, right?" He gulped hard. "To show how much you want me."
You frowned a little. "But that wouldn't be right if it was onesided."
He kissed you and hummed. "It's not."
You blushed hard. "Good."
He let you go and pouted. "So you better be more affectionate."
You stood between Levi's legs and wrapped your arms tightly around Levi. "Yes, Levi."
Levi hugged you back and hummed. "I only like it when you're affectionate with me, mainly because you're special."
You pulled back a bit as Levi placed his hands on your lower back. "Well, I'll be super affectionate now."
"Good and if you ever have something on your mind, just talk to me."
You smiled. "You too."
He cleared his throat as he blushed. "N-Now, I would like m-more of those kisses."
You giggled. "I'll happily give them to you."
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