#life after quarantine

[calamityandme]

I haven’t been having my extreme sense of dread or anticipation for basic required facets of life as much. While I’m in a better period mental health-wise, I can’t help but think about that weird anxiety feeling.

It’s so nice to wake up most days and not feel that burning uncomfortableness in my chest that flashes bright like a digital clock the time of my next obligation.

Some days I will wake up and think, “I don’t feel like cleaning a three story house in 4 hours,” but then I remind myself I get paid to do it, I love and live to clean, and I get to listen to my audiobook. I push through most days.

It’s a stupid thing to be proud of, but it’s been a couple months since I’ve called out of work. There’s been days R has asked me if I wanted to come the next day instead, but I haven’t gone out of my way to ask to not come in. I‘ve always had an issue with attendance. I blame my upbringing. It didn’t used to be this bad, though. I have always called in to avoid anxiety inducing situations, though. This is a pattern I’m trying to break.

Three years ago or so I cracked. I couldn’t handle working 2-3 jobs and school. I started skipping classes more, I called in on days I just needed to stare at a wall and cry. I know in my heart I needed those days, but it was selfish of me to not think of the people’s days I made harder by not carrying my load. I just was trying desperately to take care of myself. It got so bad that leading up to work I would be in agony.

I had horrible panic attacks. I wanted to die. At the same time, I had horrible anxiety that would tell me I was going to die on the way to work, or my loved ones are going to suffer because I’m leaving the house. My anxiety would tell me conflicting extremes I didn’t know what to feel. I just felt overwhelmed. Almost non-verbal. I would be rocking back and forth sobbing because i had to go to my middle (2nd) job that i especially hated. I just had to be home. My horrible dread would make my stomach hurt so bad that I would go to the bathroom like 8 or 9 times a day (and TMI I know but it must be mentioned I lost so many ounces of blood in those work toilets.) I was pale as shit and smoked too many cigarettes just to function. All I could eat was iced coffee and things I found for free at school. Cans of vegetables if I couldn’t find anything outside of the house.

I’m trying to be better about calling in and that sort of thing. I don’t want to be someone people think is flakey or that calls in for no reason. I just couldn’t handle things for a long time. I don’t know how I lasted so long. I’m not writing this to say feel sorry for me or look how much I’ve grown. I just am trying to put my manifestations out in the universe, I guess: I have changed, I’m a person I would be proud to know. I do good and I try to be good every day.

I just want to work on myself and try to be someone that I would look up to. I know my family thinks I’m reliable, but I want people who work with me or maybe people I went to school with to know that I honor my word. I know I shouldn’t focus on how other people perceive me, I just am so worried about it all the time. Ugh.

I want to focus on how I want to change. I want to adopt better habits. I don’t want to have regrets later in life that I didn’t do enough.

#mental health #anxiety #life after quarantine #trauma dump #sorry lol

[theprodigypenguin]

I bought a keffiyah a few weeks back, as I'm sure a lot of people did, and I wore it today because when I woke up it was absolutely pouring. It is so warm, so comfortable, probably better than any scarf or shawl I've ever owned before. Better quality for sure.

And now I can't stop thinking about how something made by kind Palestinian hands is keeping me warm and giving me incredible comfort and security while those same gentle hands are digging the corpses of family and friends out of rubble.

And I'm dizzy and sick to my stomach from anger and shame and love all at once.

I am so lucky, so privileged to be where I am, even if this country is my greatest shame. What an honor it is to have a voice I can use to speak up against injustice. My heart bleeds for Palestine and will continue to bleed until everyone is free from the river to the sea.

#free palestine #ceasefire #dont stop talking about palestine #the west bank #boycott works #boycott israel #i have never felt this much in my heart in my entire life #where i always knew the us was absolutely fucked and would do what i could #like protesting in a blm march during quarantine after george floyd was murdered #i dont think my anger has ever reached this level #ive gotten angry over injustice before yes #but never like this #and im not sure if i should be embarassed and ashamed or eternally grateful #probably all of the above

[little-shiny-sharpies]

*through gritted teeth* don’t trust how you feel about your life after 9 pm or during your monthly hell, don’t trust how you feel about your life after 9 pm or during your-

#//vent #I feel so alone #whenever I’m jittery and excited and I gotta talk to somebody there’s never anybody there #usually because of time zones #everybody posted about how quarantine affected them but that’s just literally how I’ve lived my entire life #I want to get a shit job at Joanne’s I’m not kidding deadass I want to experience the mundane life everyone else but me has lived #I only go to town once every 4 months or so and I RELISH it. There’s a whole world out there. Look at all these people with lives as rich #and complex as my own. What I wouldn’t give to small talk with every single person in Fred’s and learn their passions and how they live #all I do is wake up feed clean and water animals that’s all I’ve ever done #I remember being in HS and loving lunch bc I could watch everybody laugh and eat and live #I never got to stay after school for activities bc my mom hated picking me up #I never got to go to parties past 10 yrs old bc my family was more important and they fucking hated me orbiting them #my family is all I’ve ever known and they don’t even realize how starved I am for contact #ANYTHING #ANYTHING AT ALL #ILL TAKE SOME OLD WHITE MAN HURLING SLURS AT ME I NEED TO FEEL ALIVE #I need to feel the bitter sting of life and live #and I don’t even have online friends to play with like yeah I occasionally talk to my besties on here #but I can’t bring myself to ask for anything more

[majikdog]

I miss Copia

#crying over meeting a fictional character again #but it was so scary and I did it I rlly did that #and I think he recognized that and was good to me #and I got to see my friend and make more friends #some other things happened that were unpleasant but overall it was so good and I want to go back #I’ve been sitting in my room alone for a week in quarantine and I’m just reflecting #and I was so scared I’d experience having any regrets during or after the ritual #but I still feel so good about it #feeling so lucky loved and seen and I have to get that out in the open somewhere so hi lol #but yeah uh thank you papa again for being so kind and gentle and making everything as warm as possible #and thank you Grace for being so awesome and patient with me #My Mummy Dust #Ghost #Vent #kinda #I just can’t believe I made it this far in life to say I actually had an opportunity like this #I’m rlly proud and I’m glad I can have something like this to be proud of #I wish I could go back in time and show younger me #she had no fucking clue how cool she would be now

[carpathxanridge]

i’ve said before that ‘bi lesbians’/‘comphet lesbians’ are the modern day political lesbians, and i do still believe that in that both have done similar harm in eroding the lesbian community. but i think now it’s more like the flip side of a coin, and the differences matter in what they say about the current state of feminist consciousness in our generations. all of these groups are/were women who are essentially bisexual yet only want to date women. however, political lesbians had the feminist consciousness to be able to make that choice and advocate it as the best choice for all women. whereas, with ‘bi lesbians’ and ‘comphet lesbians,’ the notion of choice is unfathomable to them. in a culture where the biggest crime a woman can commit is being sexually inaccessible to men, but any degree of radical feminist thought is heretical, women who want to make this choice instead turn to labels, whether consciously or unconsciously, that absolve them of the sin of agency, of directly saying ‘no’ to men. for some ‘bi lesbians’ i’ve seen, it’s like they recognize their bisexuality but reject all coherence to claim they nonetheless have a lesbian ‘essence’ that, as if an external force, drives them to identify in this way and prefer to date women. for the ‘comphet’ crowd, they pick apart and analyze their entire sexual history to construct a neat narrative that explains why suddenly they no longer want to date men—perhaps this was their nature all along. they are driven to claiming the gay experience of being ‘born this way,’ of their sexuality being beyond their control. and for all they talk of heterosexuality being compulsive, they act out many compulsions themselves to banish their osa (see: tiktok videos of this genre lmao). this is all because if they recognize they are attracted to men and are actively CHOOSING not to date them… that’s not a choice they are comfortable in. and there’s no doubt that many of them fear being in too close a proximity to radical feminism.

granted, these are generalizations and patterns i’ve recognized in a certain subgroup of these women, and there are others whose motivations for adopting these labels i would afford less sympathy to. especially those who date trans identified males, and adopt the lesbian label almost as an opportunity to be elevated in their circle as an example of ‘correct’ behavior. but i think, judging from all of these videos in this vein i’ve watched of women who adopt these labels, that it’s important to recognize this crisis of agency in our generation, so great that women would literally rather brainwash themselves into believing they are and have always been lesbians than accept their sexual orientations and feel comfortable in making a choice in being female exclusive. i think many of these women truly believe that attraction is destiny, and that if they accept they are attracted to men then they’re obligated to act on it. and that’s concerning, from a radical feminist pov. i don’t think lesbians should have to prioritize sympathizing with or addressing this, because it’s first essential to reject homophobic postmodern nonsense, but i think bisexuals should be focusing on reaching out to these kinds of women and building a stronger semblance of feminist consciousness/separatist community within the bi community. because without presenting these women with another visible option, i think this phenomenon is legit never going to stop.

#thinking about that youtuber alayna joy #and how after being out as bisexual for years she came out as a lesbian… #durig quarantine when she was isolated from her community and faced with the realities of being male partnered for life #i truly think it was easier for her to say ‘i don’t have a choice’ and believe it’s her innate sexuality #than it wouldve been to break off her engagement otherwise #but i also think she was psychologically incapable of realizing that not being able to be fulfilled in an opposite sex partnership #is not the same thing as lacking osa #whereas wit the slightest bit of feminist consciousness one can realize that marriage is generally unfulfilling for ALL women #and that being isolated with a man is in many ways terrifying and oppressive #FOR ALL WOMEN #like ive watched all of her reflections on her coming out and like #i really cant help but think she’s just absolving herself of the sin of choosing against men

[youremyonlyhope]

Pippin is my favorite musical of all time.

But unfortunately, I seem to fixate on it during times of my life when my brain is especially existential, anxious, depressed, etc.

The last few days, I've been thinking about Pippin a lot, reading analyses of it, listening to the music. Just generally enjoying my comfort musical.

Then I remembered that earlier this week, my therapist heard me describing how I feel unfulfilled while unemployed and doing a lot of stuff for other people or to make other people happy and not doing anything for myself, all while having a completely messed up sleep schedule. And she said "Hmm... honestly... that sounds a little like depression."

And I was like "No. No. Because I am doing things. It's not like when I've been depressed in the past." but now that I'm back to fixating on Pippin, I think she was somewhat onto something since that's usually a bad sign. Yay!

#pippin #it's kind of sad that my comfort musical is pippin. but like. it's comforting for a reason. i need the comfort. #i'm currently being overworked by the theater i volunteer with because i was brought on to sew some pieces #and a couple turned into 6 pieces and then adding trims to other things and repairing a bunch of costumes #and completely deconstructing 2 different dresses to make them into new things #and then further alterations and tailoring and yeah this is not what i had signed up for #and how i need to learn to say no because i now have no time to do what i want to do with my free time #plus the jobs i've applied to have not gotten back to me and blah blah blah i'm doing nothing with my life at the moment #and past pippin obsessions have been senior year of high school when i had no clue what to do with my life #into freshman year of college when i was happier but still feeling strange about having no direction #then junior/senior year of college when i once again had no clue what i was doing with my life but about to graduate. #then one year post-college when i was considering leaving my job in the next year-ish to pursue theater #THEN during the really dark era of the quarantine in April just before May hit aka the lowest i've been in over a decade #literally crying every single day i was so stressed and anxious and depressed #and now. after a year of switching jobs. finally thinking i know what i want to do. and now having to actually do it. #while unemployed because my literal dream job that was supposed to last at least 4 months to a year only lasted 2 months

[quemirabobo]

I just said "I'm 22 and I'm not full of life anymore"

My mom stared at me and then started laughing "you're not 22 anymore"

I'm fucking 24 wtf is wrong with me

#my mind said 'quarantine years don't count' #i can't stop laughing 🤣 #after she told me that i genuinely panicked because i couldn't remember and then was like 'it was my birthday?' #gods my brain disconnected #chronicles of Yu's life

[newergrowup]

there are bad breakups and then there are breakups where your family still sends you newspaper articles about your ex

#and your ex still being your niece's hero and favorite athlete in the world #and in all the pictures shes right next to the person she cheated on you with #and your family s like “oh youll never have someone that good” #bitch i know #i bagged an international recognized athlete #but who knew muscles like a greek goddess came with emotional trauma and scarring #that girl WRECKED ME #and she s doing interviews going like “after a bad period of my life i finally stood up” #bitch wht bad period? #you cheating on me as i was in quarantine and going through grief and depression??????????????? #girl bye #personal #vent #vent post #tumblr

[farmersliga]

first monday night in a while that i dont get to watch the bundesliga highlights show with my dad :(

#its his bday and ​hes still quarantined sjdhdjdj #but! if his test tomorrow is all clear then we can watch tom night after i get home from uni :) #the life and times of liz

[theblogofdeath]

#hong kong reopens: life after quarantine

[mayra-quijotescx]

sorry I don't have a Wacky Early COVID Mental Illness story, I spent the entirety of what passed for "quarantine" in Texas getting COVID from work, watching my wife almost die of it, then struggling (ultimately fruitlessly) to organize my workplace from my sickbed : )

#got plenty of mental illness stories from after “quarantine” though bc that's all my life is now. not many are fun though sorry #the plague that never ends

[firefirevampire]

GOD I had forgotten how much I love Petals for Armor and how immaculate of an album it is

#saved my life after my last breakup #and quarantine #hayley williams #petals for armor #Spotify

[ririblogsss]

Danny the park crazy guy

Ok this follows Danny with him deciding he needs to get out of Amity Park cause he's parents are getting more and more obsessed with catching Phantom. And the plans he'd over heard were sending him into panic attacks. Not only that a new management was placed for the GIW, and with that they had become more brutal and accurate with their capturing. Danny couldn't make sure ghosts were safe and protect civilians, so Danny made a deal with Technus in exchange for most of the tech Danny has made in the past 6 months Technus has to hack into the portals that his parents and Vlad owned and permanently destroy them. Technus also made sure to wipe all the information on how to re-build the portal and planted a bug that will corrupt any file trying to mimic the portals code/mechanics. 

At first Dannys plan was to play the part of the defenseless boy who just witnessed his parents whole life work go down the drain, and pretend that ghost never happened. He's parents were sad (understatement of the century) but they soon found something to hyper focus on, before becoming ecto-biologist, they were trying to find ways to make liquid that would dissolve plastic in a non-lethal and non-toxic way. So after 2 months of not doing anything and only staying in bed eating ice-cream and fudge its like a light bulb turned on onto of their heads, and Madeline and Jack went back to their old selves. They still had moments were they would gaze back at their projects with heartbroken eyes, and Danny could help but blame himself for his parents suffering. 

Its like one day everything was close to normality (as normal as amity park could be) people weren't mentioning ghost in fear that one would appear out of spite. Classes went uninterrupted people were actually happy for that. 

But then the GIW started making moves, as they were getting more and more restless with no ghost sightings in the last 6 months. 

Then 3 months ago everything went to shit......

Danny could only explain it as if the Salem witch trials had started. But instead it was the 21st century and people were being accused of being / cooperating / aiding ghosts. The GIW had stormed into the town hall and had claimed that Amity park was in full quarantine. No one in no one out. Vlad was taken in for 'investigation' accused of working with the ghost because he never helped the GIW or offered funds, hence committing treason the US government. 

After that People would be taken out of their homes and obligated to take tests to prove they weren't with the enemy, if they passed they went back to their homes traumatized. if they failed.... Well no one really knows, but one might guess from all the screaming. 

Ironically. Dannys parents were the fist accused of cooperating with the enemy. The GIW stated that they seemed suspicious from the start as they never truly caught anything. he hadn't seen them since they were drugged and stuffed into the back of a van. Danny was thankful that Jazz (for collage) and Dani (traveling in Bangladesh) were out of Amity, but it wasn't like he could contact them and tell them what was happening. 

The GIW had cut all contact to the rest of the word from Amity Park probably because what they were doing was considered illegal and definitely were crossing human rights. 

Luckily Sams and Tuckers family were able to come to an agreement with the GIW so they could be exempted from the quarentine (buy themselves a way out). Unluckily Danny like most families didn't have those types of resources. 

But Danny isn't a Fenton for nothing, craziness, gull and genius ran through his veins. So every morning when they were obligated out of their homes and made to sit on the grass of the park square while the agents searched for any 'evidence' in their homes. Danny would use his core to emit a frequency that only other ghost and some metas could hear. But that wasn't what Danny was communicating to no. 

He was sending commands to all the animals he had befriended the last 15 years of his life. You see ever since Danny was a kid he loved how one could be able to domesticate any animal as long as you had food. So Danny when he was a kid applied The Operant conditioning to all the animals he crossed paths with. 

A few weeks after his accident (death) when Danny was making his daily feeding times for the animals in exchange for trinkets and money he realized something. He could understand what the animals 'spoke' and the animals could understand him through the vibrations of his core. When he asked CW about it he only told him that ghost speak allowed him to communicate with anything and anyone if he had a close enough relationship towards them. 

Basically this meant that Danny had hundreds if not thousands of animals (rats, street dogs and cats, pigeons, squirrels ect.. ) at his disposal. The only reason he never used them when fighting Ghosts was obvious he wasn't going to risk the life of his friends. 

And right now his friends were making underground escape routes for all of the Amity Parkers. The plan was already being set in motion. Everyone knew their part. 

One group would be distraction, a group of kids would scream and point in the opposite direction of the escape route and say they had seen a ghost and it was trying to hurt them. The GIW would be guided into a wooded area were they would be attacked by the more predatorial animals. Making them call for back up. 

One group would composed of the most athletic adults / young adults would go into the main base of the GIW (check for survivors and help them get out). 

Another group (the elderly) was in charge of checking that everyone was accounted for. 

Mothers, would be evacuated first with their children, they would be the get away drivers. Different drivers would take different routs. Some left the country other the continent itself. Some when to larger cities for hiding amongst the crowd. But the main goal was stick to your family and preferably if you can go alone. The less people the less likely you are to getting caught. 

And the teenagers from casper high, would ensure all their traces were lost making sure all phones and gadgets were left behind, as to avoid getting tracked down. 

And that's how Amity Park became a dead town (pun intended) in less than 60 minutes. 

This leads us to the present. 

It had been 7 months since Danny had left Amity park. he hadn't seen anyone or contacted anyone from there since. The over all consensus was that everyone had to go no contact with one another as to not raise awareness as to why so many people from different places were constantly calling one another. Danny was certain that Jazz and Dani had been contacted by Sam and Tucker about the situation in Amity. What he wasn't sure of is if they knew he was out of Amity or even alive for that matter. 

Danny was not dealing with what happened well. One of the guys who went into the Town Hall pulled him a aside for a second when they were evacuating to tell him. That he had seen both his parents bodies. They had not survived. Not many who were taken against their will into the Hall came out spared. 

Danny was devastated with his parent untimely death, he only hoped they had a humane one. 

So no Danny was not ok. he knew Jazz would criticize his copping methods. But if taking over a park in the middle of a crime riddled city was sooooo bad then why did he have the support of the Bats. (not the vigilantes the actual cave bats). 

Danny had gotten to Gotham not too long ago (about 4 1/2) months, and decided that the GIW wouldn't dare on their life go into a city were the 'wolds greatest detective and most feared man live'. Danny made an abandoned building overlooking the park his own. he quickly became allies with the fauna there and soon his rein over the part began. 

---

It started slowly, honest to god not a single local though anything of the bony kid laughing his ass off as he oversaw birds and other critters alike help him build what looked like a greenhouse. They did what any Gothamite would do mind their own damn business and go on with their day. 

It wasn't unlit the trees and torn plants started to build a wall like structure around the park that they started to think that the kid was going to be the next Poison Ivy. Worst of all they some have speculated seeing Pamela and Harley go in and out of the park... both smiling like proud parents. Some say that the kid was an ex Wayne kid that was sent into an asylum, and was kept quiet. Some speculate that the kids a meta that controls all animals. Some state they saw the kid talk to the animals and the animals actually listened and did word for word what he asked. 

But Gothamites weren't that worried if they were honest. The kid (Danny as he was now known) brought more entertainment (of the good kind) to Gotham he fit right in. The only thing that made him stand out was his mid-western accent. When asked where he was from he would only stare at you while an animal (different every time mostly racoons) would chase you away. Other than that the kid was a sweetheart he would often bring the veggies and fruits he cultivates in the park to homeless shelters so that the residents would have a 'more nutritious and full diet'. 

The kid would send animals to keep watch on kids and be alerted if any were at risk he would drop in and help in a very unusual way. And he always traded money for little things and bottle caps anything handmade (especially by kids) was infinitely rewarded with money and an automatic meal. 

Danny was known as the Gotham parks crazy. But he was their crazy and no government (illegal) agency of a brigade of bats and birds was going to take him away from them. 

(waaa this was way longer that expected I only wanted to write a sentence of local crazy Danny, and I just ended up writting mostly art other stuff)

#dpxdc #dc x dp #danny phantom #danny fenton