#life is a performance and i did not audition yet they cast me anyway

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#life is a performance and i did not audition yet they cast me anyway #gif #animatedtext

[ashleywool]

Hello! Saw the show on Sunday and loved every second! I'm also a non-union performer who is neurodivergent (ADHD with anxiety comorbidity though I suspect it could be something more) and I've lately been struggling with navigating the audition process and its characteristics (loud waiting rooms, disruption of routine, long travel days, over stimulation of NYC itself) with my how my brain works.

I also live a bit far from the city so I usually need to weigh pros and cons when deciding what to go out for. And I find I'm constantly weighing the effects on my mental state against the opportunities it could give me. Are their things you or your cast mates do to help accommodate during situations like that? Do you think their are accommodations that the theatre community could put in place in audition spaces to better include neurodiverse talent?

To be clear, the actual audition part of it never bothers me it's always the easiest part. I just find I feel completely fried by the time I get in the room because of what it took mentally to get myself there.

Either way How to Dance in Ohio is such a breath of fresh air and I hope it manages to find life after Broadway either on tour or in schools or maybe a spot off-broadway. It has so much more good to give.

Ooooof. I feel this. All of it. I'm originally from northern Westchester and I spent many exhausting commutes doing exactly this.

I would honestly say the best thing you can do for yourself is to join Equity if you are eligible. It's a better audition experience all around, you can sign up for appointments in advance on the member portal and view projects that accept self-tapes, AND it will get you in the room for better jobs.

If you aren't eligible yet or just don't feel ready to compete on that level yet, I'd recommend focusing more on local projects over the big NYC cattle calls. I don't know exactly where you live or what your regional/community theatre scene is like, but I do know that those theaters are the ones that are struggling the most right now and could use people who are passionate and want to build their resumes. It's a lot easier to get seen and get cast, you'll be able to keep your day job and not tunnel-vision your life around waiting on line for crappy nonunion tours that charge Broadway prices but pay minimum wage, AND you will likely meet a lot of people who will get to know you much better and more personally than a casting director ever could in a 2-minute window.

Keep in mind, also, that when you walk into a professional audition and a casting director looks at your resume, they don't care how much you were paid for a job or what kind of contract you were on. And they don't care how you got your Equity card. The only people who care about that stuff are bitter judgmental actors who need the gatekeeping to feel better about themselves (and no matter what your answer is, they won't like you anyway). The people who actually matter only care that you're on time, prepared, friendly, open to direction, and right for the role they need.

As for actually doing the professional NYC audition grind, here are some pro-tips:

-Opt for appointments and self-tapes over "open calls" whenever possible.

-CONTINUE being selective about the projects you go out for. Trust me, I did many years of the "throw all the spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks" method, and it doesn't work, and it will only burn you out more.

-Don't overthink your audition material. You don't need exact 16-bar cuts of ten different in your book for every style of musical theatre. You can do the "overdone" songs and monologues if they fit who you are and the roles you can conceivably play. It's New York. Everything is overdone. YOU are not overdone.

-Dress comfortably. Sounds obvious, but it took me way too long to realize that no, really, I do not have to wear heels to an audition. Be strategic with layers.

-Get a rolling suitcase over a backpack. Way less strain.

-Noise. Cancelling. Headphones. Also, make playlists of your "comfort" songs and your "motivation" songs and your "wind-down" songs and your "zone-out" songs so you have predictable, appropriate background noise to whatever you're doing--commuting, waiting in the holding room, eating lunch, etc. Preferably songs that are not from musicals and have nothing to do with whatever shows you're auditioning for. Auditioning is a job and you need a work-life balance there too.

-Do something else in the city unrelated to auditioning or performing. Go to a museum or a park or just a cute coffee shop where you can just EXIST and not perform.

I hope these help <3

#broadway #how to dance in ohio #musical theatre #theatre #auditioning #auditions

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter One.

a/n: welcome to the first chapter of wtsgd! i’m so excited for you all to read this story and for what’s to come. please please please support content creators bc we’re doing this for free and it takes up a lot of energy to put out stories. so reblog, leave feedback, and send a message to motivate and support them. happy reading everyone <3

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 6.4k

come talk to me about wtsgd! i’d love to know your thoughts!

March 4, 2017

The trunk was filled with heavy boxes that were labeled with thick black sharpie, which didn’t seem to leave Luciana’s senses; and one too many suitcases filled with her many articles of clothing that she couldn’t get rid of—no matter how hard she tried—since she was too much of a hoarder and every piece of clothing seemed to have a lost memory in them that she tried very hard to think of, which only meant that it was worth keeping. 

A droplet of sweat leaked down the side of her face due to  her nonstop packing and heavy-lifting from her childhood room upstairs to her dad’s car in the driveway. It didn’t help that the sun was beaming down at her with every move like she was on center stage, in front of the spotlight, but it made much more sense for the sun to do that because that’s where she belonged: on stage. 

Moving to Brooklyn, New York from Cambridge, Massachusetts during, what felt like, the coldest but the sunniest day of March wasn’t the smartest move—to be fair, Luciana was never one to make a smart move, anyways—but it was one that needed to be done. Plus, all the lifting seemed to have warmed her up. 

Her destination, or now, home, in New York was one that she’d been anticipating for a while now. She had auditioned for the role as Kim in Miss Saigon on Broadway in November, and she’d gotten a callback in January for the role as the second Kim, meaning she would be on rotation to perform every week or two weeks, so the main Kim could rest. But she would still have to go to rehearsals and be on the side of the stage watching the show just in case she needed to jump in at the last minute. 

It wasn’t her ideal way of playing the main lead, but nonetheless, she was grateful for the opportunity, and she would take any chance that was thrown at her to not only take another step towards her dream, but also another learning opportunity to make her a better actress. 

Little Luci would’ve been so proud of the present Luci because it’d been her dream ever since she was younger, to be on stage and eventually, be on the big screen. Although she was far from completing her dream of being a face in Hollywood, this was a step that would take her to where she wanted to be in the future, and for that, she was proud of herself. 

As a child, Luci had been in various commercials; from being the kid that played with slime and had no lines but to just put on a big smile while the sticky substance ran through her small hands, to being the daughter in a car commercial with one line that said “Are we there yet?” with a groan and a face of exhaustion as if she were the one driving the car. She hoped that these commercials would have someone recognize her talent, to cast her as a Disney star, but that would require moving to California, which her parents were wary of. 

The commercials stopped when she reached middle school. Her early adolescent years consisted of an abundance of attitude and mood swings; Luci was a very tough and determined kid. Her love for acting had grown into a big balloon that was let go and on its way into the galaxy where no one could reach it—where no one could mess with her achieving her dream. 

She would always stand in front of her white wooden framed mirror—with delicately painted colorful flowers around the border—reciting lines that she heard from a television series or the films that she watched, and she would write them down in her blue notebook. Sometimes, her parents would let her search the script up if it was available online. But oftentimes, she would test and challenge her memorization, and listen to it by ear; testing her mind, and eventually, her memorization skills were immaculate by the age of eleven. 

It was perfect timing because by the time she was in middle school, she was able to snatch the roles she wanted when her school’s drama department held school plays. Her family thought that she would start to hate being on stage since school plays always ran until late evening, but being part of the productions had only enhanced her love for her talent, and it only prepared her for a quarter of what her future may look like. 

All in all, from a very young age, she always knew that she wanted to become an actress. The spotlight or the center of the camera was where she always craved to be. 

And she was finally making that dream come true. 

A black Toyota Camry pulled into the space behind the car that was filled with her belongings. Ren and Beatrice, Luci’s lovely parents, both get out of the car with a pink box of donuts—a snack for the road and for when she gets to her new apartment. 

“Ready, Lucky?” Beatrice asked, rubbing her daughter’s back. She was quite bummed to see Luci leave her childhood home, but she’s proud to see Lucky Luci chase her dreams. She was, after all, twenty-five and was bound to move out at some point, but to see it actually happen made Beatrice quite emotional. 

“Ma, please, don’t cry…” Luci frowned as Beatrice pressed her fingertips to the corners of her eyes. She wrapped her arm around her mother’s shoulder, comforting her. “You’re all coming to New York in a month, right? To watch me on stage?” Luci asked, reassuring herself that she would see her family in a different state to rescue her from her loneliness. 

Luci was an independent woman. She could do tasks by herself, go places alone, and she wouldn’t have a problem with it; she enjoyed the company of herself. But to know that at some point she might be alone—that everyone had left her behind or forgotten about her—was what scared her. She needed to know that the people who loved her unconditionally wouldn’t forget about her. 

“Of course we’re going!” Ren exclaimed with a smile that Luci was going to miss seeing everyday. “We can’t miss our baby on the Broadway stage. If we could, we’d go to every damn show that you’re in, but that would be a lot of gas, no?” 

She chuckled, nodding her head. She felt tears pricking her eyes at how supportive her parents were—they’ve always been. If she could, she would take them with her to New York, but her one bedroom apartment and their work said otherwise. 

“Now, Lucky, don’t cry.” It was Beatrice’s turn to comfort her daughter. Like any parent, when they see their child cry, it breaks their heart and they cry too. “We’re gonna see you real soon. You can always come back anytime you want. We’re just a phone call away and we’ll pick you up,” Beatrice said between sniffles. The mother and daughter were embracing so tenderly and comfortingly—enjoying every last moment together until they got to see each other again. 

“Jeez, you’re both the same—always crying!” Ren interrupted, making the two women laugh; and he was glad they found what he said amusing because he couldn’t handle the sad moment. “C’mon here, my Lulu.” Luci settled into her father’s arms, hugging him tightly. She’s always been her dad’s girl, despite having a close relationship with her mother, her relationship with her father was something that felt like home; he always knew what to say and when to say it. It helped that she was the female version of him. “You’re gonna be the best star out there, I’m sure of it. Now, I want you to have fun, alright? The fame, the fortune, the big city…it doesn’t amount to anything if you’re not having the time of your life” He comfortingly rubbed Luci’s back, holding her in a warm and tight squeeze. 

Luci smiled at her father’s words. She was always a bit hard on herself when she would mess up or forget a line or a movement that correlates to a specific line in her script. When she was younger, she would beat herself up for a sliver of a moment; she would cry into her pillow—sobs loud enough that they were heard from downstairs. Luci would think that she wouldn’t become a well-known actress just because of the minor forgetfulness her mind had presented. But Ren would gently tap on her ocean blue door, letting himself in because he knew his daughter didn’t have the energy to get up and let him in, and he would sit beside her, gently urging her to sit up with him. Once she complied, after many groans of refusals, she would be glad she did because her father looked deeply into her eyes—and it was like looking into the reflection of clear and clean water—and told her she was a star. It was only three words, but those three words reminded her to never give up and get up when she would hit the pavement of what she felt like were her fallen hopes and dreams. 

Ren would then end it with a statement of advice that had always lingered in her mind, resonating to the silent and harshful words that she tells herself. ‘Nothing will amount to anything if you’re not having the time of your life.’

A rush of gratitude settled upon her as her eyes became glossier by the seconds she was in Ren’s arms. Beatrice looked at her greatest treasures fondly, a smile appeared on her face only for it to be replaced by a look of confusion. 

“Where is that damn brother of yours? He said he was going to be here at ten!” Beatrice interrupted the sweet moment she was having with her father, making them disconnect from the hug—just as Ren did with Luci and Beatrice.  

Speaking of the devil, her dear brother was making his way towards home on the side of the street, wearing a grey sweatshirt that was stained with his sweat as his earphones were nestled in his ears, loudly playing music. He loudly sang along to some rap song, breath staggered as he rapped along with his hands. 

Nathan smiled once he stepped foot onto the driveway as he took out his earphones, seeing his family look at him vigilantly. Luci laughed, shaking her head. 

“Hey, there’s our superstar, little Ana!” Nathan opened his arms, ready to hug you but she quickly stopped him, curving her spine backwards to deny his hug. Ana had been one of the many nicknames her family had called her when she was growing up from the second half of her name, but Ana seemed to have stuck with Nathan as no one else really called her that, so it was his own personal nickname for her. 

“Ew, please, do not hug me.” Her face wrinkled in disgust from the spell of her brother’s sweat from his run. Nathan chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes before turning towards his parents. 

“Ooh, donuts-”

Beatrice slapped the back of his hand before he even got a chance to open the pink donut box. “Not until you shower and change. Lulu needs to be in Brooklyn by three!” 

“Ow, mother!” Nathan whipped his hand away from Beatrice’s burning slap, although he was just playing around and being dramatic. “But fine, alright. The star always gets what she wants, am I right?” He dropped his head towards Luci, sighing before he hurried inside the house to take a quick shower and change. 

Luci giggled, telling her parents that she would be right back to go up to her room to check if she’d gotten everything, even though she knew that she had everything, she just needed to reminisce alone for a moment. 

Her feet took her up the wooden stairs, where she, for some unknown reason, always spent her time sitting on as she leaned her back against the wall and read or drew. Nathan always found it weird of her when they were doing homework when they were younger, but it was just one of the many fun anecdotes he could tell reporters if he’s asked about their childhood. 

Pushing open her ocean blue door that she never changed because she loved the color, she was met with the emptiness of what was once her sanctuary. Despite the paint on the wall changing, the replacement of furniture, and rearrangement of her childhood room, Luci could still see the baby pink walls where she hung up various posters of her celebrity crushes when she was eight. She could still see herself walking over to her Cinderella white wooden dresser as she pulled out an inflatable microphone from her drawer before she walked over to her bed to sing her heart out with her cousin. In the corner of her room was her mirror that she painted colorful flowers along the border when she was younger, and she definitely did not want to change or get rid of it; it wasn’t difficult to stir up a memory when she was in front of that mirror because up until now, she was always reciting her lines to her own reflection until the late night. 

All of these memories that Luci held within her heart would help her ground herself—remind her where she came from. No matter where her career took her, she would always be the girl that was firstly known in her room, crying, laughing, and acting within the four baby pink walls until she was sixteen, and then it changed to an ecru white. The feeling of nostalgia clutched her chest, and for the second time today—not even noon, yet—she found herself crying. 

She silently sobbed in her sanctuary. Her chest felt tight, like her heart was grasping onto the memories, begging her to not leave, to not move on. But moving on would mean being stuck, and she didn’t want to feel stuck—she just never wanted to be in one place where the walls would slowly feel like they were closing in on her. She didn’t want to be in one place and eventually hated it, so for that, she had to move on. 

A soft knock was heard from the outside of her bedroom, making Luci turn around hastily. She found Beatrice standing in the doorway, warmly smiling at her daughter, and keeping the tears at bay because she needed the comfort of her mother more than her mother’s tears. 

“My Lucky Star…” Beatrice walked into the room, welcoming Luci into her arms. “You okay?” 

Luci deeply inhaled and exhaled as she calmed herself down from her cries. “I’m alright. It’s just hard saying goodbye to this place—to my room.”’

“Oh, Lulu. You don’t need to say goodbye. I know you’ll be coming back here soon, anyways. I know you love home too much to completely stay away.” Beatrice was subtly trying to remind Luci about her love for her hometown, for her home, but her words also were trying to remind her about that certain love for her home and to never forget that love so she doesn’t stray away because Beatrice was simply afraid Luci would never want to come back once she discovered the luxury of her career. And even though she knew her Lulu wasn’t one to forget about her family, Beatrice would never admit her fear. 

Luci sniffled, wiping her tears away as she pulled away from her mother’s embrace. “Yeah, I know. Just…doesn’t feel real that I’m leaving.” 

“Sure, you’re leaving, but you’re going off to do bigger and better things. You were never one to stay in one place, physically and mentally—you were always moving, always loved learning more. And I’ve always been so intrigued and interested in how your mind works.” 

“Ma…” The waterworks seemed to be the highlight of the move. 

“I’m serious! I’m so genuinely proud of you. You’ve been keeping your talent—and I don’t mean ‘high school plays’ talent. I mean your Broadway, Hollywood, Academy winning talent. Now, you get to showcase your light in front of thousands of people.” Beatrice always had a way of boosting Luci’s self-esteem, making her ego a tad bit more bigger than it already was. She didn’t mind if her self-esteem had skyrocketed into the galaxy of her dreams, but she always reminded Luci that being humble and kind always outweighed being obnoxious and arrogant. “Now, enough with these tears. You’ve got a road trip to New York. C’mon, now.” 

They made their way downstairs and out the door where Ren and Nathan were talking about the latest basketball game of the Celtics. The trunk was closed, and the only thing waiting was Luci herself. 

“There she is! Ready?” 

Luci took a deep breath, turning her head to look back at the pastel yellow house that had kept her safe for the past twenty-five years. From here, she knew everything was going to change. Whether it’d be for the good or if things would go downhill from here? She didn’t know; all she knew was that she was going to be doing what she loved and she was going to have the time of her life doing it. 

“Yeah, I’m ready.” 

The state of Connecticut seemed to pass by quickly from the car as Nathan drove at a decent seventy miles per hour; the state vanished just as quickly as when they entered. 

Luci mindlessly looked out the window, thinking about everything and nothing at once as she drowned out the music playing through the speakers of the car and Nathan’s voice singing along. 

The cars passing by, the bystanders, and the locals filled the streets and highways, making her wonder what all of these people’s stories were—wondering if they lived in this city or if they were just stopping by to visit, or if they’re just going through the state to get to the one next door just as she was. Maybe she’s had an encounter or simply passed by them on the street in a world that seemed too large but small at the same time. She always pondered on whether everyone else thought the way she thought—if they wondered what her story was or the people around them. 

The world is an interesting place and there were so many intriguing people out there, making her more excited by the minute as she takes on this new adventure in her life that would be completely life changing. Luci’s going to be meeting so many new people that, she would hope, have an impact on her personal life or career. 

“Nervous?” Nathan broke the comfortable silence between them. 

Luci raised her brows and curled her lips into her mouth. “A bit.” 

He nodded, thinking for a moment. Nathan was always one to think before he spoke, and it was a quality that some people needed to learn how to do. He quickly learned that lesson when he was in high school; one of his friends, Johnny, and him were going back and forth joking around with one another. And for some odd reason, teenage boys liked to joke around about fucking everything, so Nathan had said “Yeah, I fucked your mom, what about it?” without thinking. Johnny stayed silent, the rest of their friends were waiting for his comeback, but they only received tears that glossed over his eyes before he ran off to a different part of campus, away from the lunch tables. Nathan found him behind the orchestra building with his face pressed on his kneecaps, crying. Later, he found out that Johnny’s mother had passed away before their sophomore year started and he hadn’t told anyone, which left Nathan quite speechless, but it was a lesson that he learned: to think before anything comes out of his mouth. 

“I know you’ll do great. You were born to do this, born to be on stage. Everything you do is to greater your experience and opportunities. All the mistakes you’re gonna make, which we both know you’re gonna make, they’re gonna be learning lessons for you to continue doing what you’re good at doing; the mistakes are there so you can better yourself,” he reassured, occasionally glancing at you briefly before averting his eyes back onto the highway. 

Luci smiled, never taking her eyes off her older brother. She leaned closer to the middle console, where his right arm was resting on the padded console. Hugging his arm tightly and resting her cheek on his shoulder, she accepted and appreciated his advice, his words. They made her heart fill up with so much gratitude and love, insanely grateful and happy that she had such an amazing and supportive family who always knew the right things to say when they could sense her nerves and anxieties powering through the roof. 

“You’re gonna kill it out there. This is just a step towards where you wanna go, where you actually wanna be.” 

She nodded, looking to her right as they quickly passed the ‘Welcome to New York’ sign from the state line of Connecticut and New York, and it was the sign indicating her new home. 

Nathan pulled into the apartment’s parking garage, entering in with the code that the complex gave Luci on the silver keypad as the two watched the automatic gate arm swing up to the side, and Nathan entered the parking structure, parking in one of the many spaces available. 

Luci excitedly got out of the car, rushing to the trunk where Nathan had opened it from inside the car. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to bring the hand dolly to help carry the boxes, which meant that the siblings were going to have to carry the many boxes she packed by her own hand and strength. But luckily, some of them weren’t that heavy; most of the items in the brown boxes were kitchenware and she figured she could just drag those. 

One by one, they took one box each and headed for the elevator, where it took them to her apartment floor—floor four. Luci grabbed the keys from her purse that contained two copper keys hanging on one single silver loop and a small keyless sensor, and she unlocked her navy blue door, revealing her new apartment. 

When she entered, she was met with a door across the entrance that she would use for her coats and shoes, things that she would need when she’s rushing out the door. Going through the small hallway in from the entrance, it led her to another small hallway to her left where her bedroom and guest bathroom was; and to her right, it would take her to the kitchen and living space. With four big windows with black window frames, the natural light really came in, making her place brighter for saving electricity. 

Walking in and putting the boxes against the black cabinets in the kitchen, she immediately fell in love with the space, her space. Despite already taking a tour of the apartment a few months prior to her official move in day, it felt different being there for the second time because she now knew that this place was hers. She saw it in a different light, and she was already anticipating the memories she was going to make in her new home. The place was empty; and with every step and every noise from her mouth, the room would echo, and she loved it. There was something satisfying about the echo in an empty space that was hers, like she wanted to furnish the hell out of it, but at the same time, she didn’t mind the echo. 

“This is your new home.” Nathan put an arm around Luci’s shoulder. He got a bit emotional seeing his baby sister grow up and move away from home, but he was excited for all of the experiences and memories she was going to make. Luci looked up at him, not saying anything but smiling as she was speechless. Nathan could practically feel the excitement run through her and all he did was chuckle at her speechlessness. “C’mon, let’s go get the rest of the boxes.” 

For the next fifteen minutes, Luci and Nathan hauled the boxes from the car, to the elevator, and down the hallway to her apartment. There were about four more boxes left in the trunk, and they would’ve been finished by now if they hadn’t been taking breaks. 

Nathan’s phone rang as he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the cabinets of the kitchen across from Luci who was sitting in the corner where her dining table would be. 

“Hello?” Answered Nathan. “What? Tonight? I’m in New York. I’m helping my little sister move here. Uh, okay. Sure. Bye.” He groaned, standing up. 

“Who was that?” Luci asked, nosy as she was. 

“That was one of the board members at Mass General Hospital.” Luci’s eyes widened. “They just asked me if I could come in tonight to teach and supervise the new residents.” Nathan was a general doctor working in the Emergency Room as Mass General back in Boston. He’s always wanted to teach with all the knowledge he’s stored in his brain—always wanting someone to learn a thing or two when they spoke to him, and this was his chance. 

“Holy shit, that’s amazing, Nate!” Luci stood up, excited for him.

He started to breathe a bit heavily and Luci immediately took notice; she could practically feel the nerves coming out of him, the same nerves she felt while going in for an audition. “Yeah, I actually have to leave, like, right now.” 

“Hey, hey.” She quickly stopped him from running out of the building and out of his mind. “Come here—breathe with me for a second.” She held onto his wrists gently. 

“Luci, I have to-”

He pulled away, but she tugged him back. “You’re going to drive yourself through the highway, and who knows what will happen, you might get pulled over and you won’t make it to the hospital. So, just take sixty seconds to breathe with me.” 

For the remainder of the time that they had together, they took some deep breaths. She spoke encouraging and uplifting words to him to calm down his nerves and anxieties that he seemed to drive himself over a cliff for, and it seemed to work as Nathan’s shoulder’s weren’t so tense and the grip on her hands had loosened. 

The two of them walked down to the parking garage where Nathan took down the last four boxes and placed them by the entrance of the complex. He was adamant on helping her get the last few boxes up to her apartment, but she shrugged it off, telling him that she was able to carry them and that he needed to leave because he’s most likely going to hit traffic during rush hour. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay? I mean it. I will drive here in a heartbeat.” 

“I will, I will-”

“Just not tonight,” he joked. “This is the highlight of my career.” His smile was so bright that it was like he was a little kid on Christmas again who just received a Hot Speed set from Santa. 

Luci laughed, hugging him goodbye. “And call me if you need anything too. I’ll miss seeing you everyday,” she admitted, a slight frown on her face. She thought she’d have the entire day with Nathan, but it was cut short due to his work but she wasn’t mad about that at all because she knew there'd be plenty of times when he would drive down to walk along the New York streets and see her perform. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, Ana. But I love you and I’ll see you next month!” He hurried into his car, and Luci watched him as he pulled out of the driveway, waving at the rear view mirror to say one last ‘see you later’ to his little sister. 

Walking back to the curb where all of the boxes were set, Luci picked one up to test how heavy it was and she barely made it upright without almost hurting her back, so she put the box down to take a proper breather. She decided to drag the box closer to the door of the complex—which saved her a few steps without completely dropping the box that was labeled ‘glass plates’—and pulled the handle of the door, only to find it completely locked. There was a slight panic that flew through her until she realized that she needed her keyless tag that she had to press against the pad on the wall to get inside the complex, so she blew out a sigh of relief before reaching down to her pocket for her key, and with just her luck, her keys weren’t in her pocket or with her at all. Then she started to panic again. 

Luci quickly walked out of the parking garage and to the front of the building where the leasing office was to find them closed, which was odd because it was Saturday, but apparently their servers were down so they just decided to take the entire day off. She rolled her eyes annoyingly, walking back to the garage in a fast manner because she didn’t want anyone to take her boxes, and so she figured that she could just wait until someone left the complex or arrived. She even left her phone at her place, so it wasn’t like she could call anyone to help her, but some sort of entertainment would help the time go by quicker. 

Sitting on the curb in the garage, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, and humming the melody from the Miss Saigon soundtrack, an hour goes by until she sees someone walk past the automatic gate barrier, heading towards the entrance where he opened the door with his tag. Luci sprinted towards the door, calling out for help. 

“Wait, wait!” The man turned around confusingly, taking his AirPod out of one ear. She caught up, taking deep breaths as she waved at the man. “Sorry, I’ve been out here for an hour and I completely forgot my key.” He didn’t say anything but stared at her, wondering why he’s never seen this woman before. The apartment complex really only had four floors, and he’s sure that he’s seen everyone who’s lived here. She noticed that he looked down at the boxes and back at her. “Oh, I just moved in.” He nodded more understandingly. “Do you mind holding the door for me?” 

“Sure.” Was the first thing he told her before stepping aside to hold the door. She took another deep breath, getting into the correct form so she doesn’t throw her back out, and began to lift the heavy box. He noticed her struggling, and he felt foolish for not offering his help in the first place when he noticed the four boxes on the cement. “Here, sorry, let me help with that. Get the door, yeah?” Luci’s heart flipped once she heard his deep, accented voice before she gratefully thanked him and he grabbed the box from her, replacing her hands with his and the slightest brush of their fingers made her flustered; he held the box tightly to his chest without much struggle. 

“Yeah, let me just get this one.” Luci grabbed a much lighter box that had all of her shoes, and held the door for him with her foot as he made his way inside of the building and to the elevator. He pressed the button with the arrow pointing up, and luckily, they didn’t have to wait for more than five seconds before the bell at the top chimed and the stainless steel doors opened. 

With the heavy box in his hands, he still let Luci walk in first, which made her smile and he followed in as she pressed with the bold ‘4’ printed on it. He held the box in between his chest and the other end of the bar on the wall as they waited in silence as the elevator lifted them up to her apartment floor, and she brushed past him when he lifted his arm, gesturing her to go first. 

Her front door was closed but it was unlocked, which only made sense, so she opened her door, putting the box next to the entrance and politely asking the man to put it next to the one you put down. 

“Thank you so much, really. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help.” 

“It’s no problem. I was the same when I moved here too—forgot my keys and was locked out.” He related to make her feel lighter about the situation since it was an honest mishap. 

“Did you go to the leasing office?” She asked curiously. 

“Yeah, but they were closed.” 

“They’re closed today too! It’s like they do that on purpose whenever someone new moves in.” The man chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. 

She hadn’t gotten a proper look at him since she was too distracted by trying to get into her building, but just by one real look at him, he was very attractive—probably too attractive to where she couldn’t think straight. He was wearing a pastel yellow and white striped button down that was a bit flowy and open, showing his white tank underneath that was tucked into his black skinny jeans. His tank top was low enough, exposing a patch of chest hair and his necklace that rested against his skin, in between his swallow tattoos just below his collarbones. Rings hugged his long fingers on both hands as he held two brown paper bags from Trader Joes. He was handsome, that’s for sure, and she felt like she was going to compare his beauty to all the other men that she was going to encounter in the future. 

“They’re not very good at going into work, but if you give them a call then it’s like they’re a 24/7 help center.” 

Luci nodded, chuckling. “Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“I’ll help you with the last boxes.” Before she was about to protest and tell him that he didn’t have to help her anymore because she was sure the last ones were light, he made his way towards the elevator and she quickly followed. 

To her surprise, one of the boxes was heavier than the other and she was glad that the man was able to carry it for her. They took the boxes up to her apartment, stacking it on top of the ones that were set down before she thanked him gratefully again. 

“I really appreciate all your help.” She smiled, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Not that I’m doubting your strength or anything, but how were you supposed to get those boxes up to your apartment?” He asked softly, not wanting to offend her by his words. 

“Oh, my brother was supposed to help me, but he had to go back home for an emergency at work.” The man nodded, seeming that was the most acceptable answer, not like he was searching if she was lying. “But thank you for your help. You’re a true lifesaver,” she said with a soft smile on her face. Her tone was a bit flirty than she wanted it to be, but it naturally came out. 

“It’s not a problem. I’ll see you around.” Luci hadn’t closed her door yet, but she found out that he was literally her neighbor on the opposite side of the wall. He didn’t even have to take two steps to get to his place—all he had to do was turn around and he was home. She smiled at the thought of that, glad that her neighbor was already so kind to her. 

As he was fumbling with his keys, he eventually got his door unlocked, and Luci was itching to ask what his name was—maybe make her first friend during her first day living in the big city. The man felt his neighbor's eyes on him, burning through the back of his head, so he turned around at the same time she spoke. 

“Uh, hey,” Luci called out. He was looking over his shoulder, pursing his lips as he raised his brows. “I was wondering if…you’d like to have dinner with me tonight? Y’know, to thank you for all your help and practically saving me while I was stranded.” She chuckled, playing with the tips of her fingers as she looked at him with hope. 

He thought the invitation was nice, but…“It’s okay, really. I, uh, have plans already tonight,” he admitted honestly because he doesn’t make a habit of being dishonest. 

Luci had some thick skin—she grew it throughout the years, and she had always been pretty confident. So many people would think that she could handle rejection well because she’s auditioned for many roles in her lifetime, and had been rejected for most of those roles. But the rejection that her neighbor handed to her so respectfully and politely was one that hit her the most, and she didn't know why. 

Curling her lips into her mouth as she felt the pang of her heart sinking into her chest, she nodded and placed a small smile onto her face. 

“Have fun tonight, then. I’ll see you around.” She grinned, hiding the slight bit of pain that she felt. He nodded, walking inside his apartment as she was in her doorway as well. “Oh, I’m Luci, by the way.” She introduced herself, feeling like she should have done that ten minutes ago, but it had slipped her mind. 

The corner of the man’s mouth turned up into a sly smirk, and she nearly felt herself fall as she gripped the door handle tightly. It was enough to make the pain in her chest disappear, and all thoughts of the rejection that she would think about for the rest of the night vanished. 

“Nice to meet you, Luci. I’m Harry.” 

With that, Harry closed his door, putting a barrier between him and Luci, who was still standing in her doorway. She let out the longest sigh of her life, feeling like she’d been constricting herself from breathing properly for the last ten minutes. 

Luci closed her door and leaned against it, looking down at the boxes that were resting by her feet. She softly smiled, her cheeks were starting to get warm, and she was fully aware that Harry was the cause of it.

come talk to me about your thoughts and feelings! hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, thank you for reading <3 

ty to @sunflowers-styles​ for beta reading!

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles series #harry styles x oc #harry styles fic #harry styles ff #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles au #boyfriend!harry #harry styles writing #harry styles solo #actress!oc

[simplyclary]

Ewan McGregor: My Serotonin Booster

[P.S: Upon the time of writing, I have yet to watch most of his films including The Island, Beginners, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Trainspotting along with some of his series/documentaries including Fargo, Long Way Round and Long Way Up]

I have known many celebrities who has given me happiness these past few years, but it was during quarantine when I needed someone the most. Don’t get me wrong though, many of the people whom I discovered during the start of quarantine still provides me happiness until now, the only difference being that there is a specific someone who really provides me the dose of serotonin that I really hunt and yearn for, that specific someone being Scottish actor Ewan McGregor.

Before I get to the cheesy part (I guess), let me narrate the timeline on how I found my happiness in him.

I first saw him as the debonair bronze candelabra Lumiere who sang the iconic song “Be Our Guest” in 2017’s live-action Beauty and the Beast. I instantly found Lumiere charming and cute in that film and him being head over heels in love for Plumette (played by the gorgeous Gugu Mbatha-Raw) is so cute and adorable, not gonna lie. Also, a moving candelabra singing and dancing in the middle of your dinner table is such a cute visualization, don’t you think?

A year later, Ewan then brought me back to childhood nostalgia through the lens of Christopher Robin, where he played the titular character. Seeing that film for the first time and watching him interact with Pooh, Piglet, Tigger and the other characters in the Hundred-Acre Wood has awakened the child in me. I honestly melt everytime I hear Pooh’s voice (voiced by Jim Cummings) since that voice was what made Pooh one of the cutest bears in the world of cartoons. Also if you observe in the film, there was a scene where he (Christopher) twirled his umbrella like a lightsaber when trying to "kill" a “Heffalump”. That scene kinda made me giggle and also made me think if it was just Ewan’s muscle memory or not.

Fast forward 3 years later to the current year of 2021, I have made a galactic discovery through Star Wars (yes, I know, I’m so late to the rave but hey, better late than never, right?) and through this galactic discovery, I met the sassiest, kindest, strongest and iconic Jedi warrior Obi-Wan Kenobi. I honestly applaud both Ewan and Sir Alec Guinness for their portrayals of the live-action versions of Obi-Wan as well as James Arnold Taylor and Stephen Stanton who voiced Obi-Wan in the animated series The Clone Wars and Rebels.

Now, believe me when I say that I fell in love with the animated Obi-Wan first because of The Clone Wars. Falling in love with the animated version then made me fall for the live-action version which Ewan portrayed flawlessly. It was really obvious in Ewan’s performance as Obi-Wan how much he paid homage to the Obi-Wan of Sir Alec Guinness and I really admired that. Plus, the iconic (and meme-worthy) lines are utterly unforgettable and it made me so happy to hear that he’s coming back as Obi-Wan in his own series on 2022. It was honestly through the character of Obi-Wan where I really started to love Ewan and because of this, I started to dig and binge some of his past and recent work.

Now armed with the yearning to look for and watch more of his movies, I scoured the internet and I found Birds of Prey among the list of his movies. First of all, I was utterly surprised when I found out he was involved in an all-female movie, but I was even more surprised when I found out that he was playing Roman Sionis, a.k.a Black Mask, who is the main villain in the movie. Truth be told, I have a history of loving villainous characters and he was no different. I honestly found him convincing as a villain, egotistical at best and was kind of saddened when he *spoiler alert* died at the end. I was hoping he would come back in a somewhat miraculous way, but I could accept if that’s how his story ends.

After watching Birds of Prey and witnessing him play a villain, I delved into the world of fashion design through the lens of Halston which is a Netflix series about Roy Halston, a famous fashion designer back in the 70s. Ewan played Halston flawlessly, and while some scenes made me cover my eyes because of explicit content, I still enjoyed the show overall not only because of Ewan but because I got to understand what Halston was really like behind the curtain, if you’d like.

Now, I am not the biggest horror movie fan but I faced my fear when I met Doctor Sleep himself, Danny Torrance. Considering that this is the sequel to “The Shining” which is deemed the scariest horror film ever made, I braced myself for it to be horrifying and I would be jumping out of my skin while watching it, and I did in several scenes. I applaud Ewan for playing the grown-up version of Danny and making me understand his story through this film.

After that horror experience, I decided to watch something that speaks to my heart and that is a movie with music, and Moulin Rouge was the perfect one. Now, this movie is highly recommended for every Ewan McGregor fan, because he showcases both his acting chops and his powerful vocals in this movie. I instantly fell in love with the penniless writer Christian, his sweet smile, kind spirit and utter obsession with the idea of love. Also, those songs he sang with Satine (played by the angelic soul that is Nicole Kidman) are automatic auditions to my playlist. Also, that drama at the end when Satine died and Christian was grieving, it made me tear up indeed.

After drama comes more drama, I went into a real-life story and that is The Impossible where he played Henry who is the husband to Maria (played by Naomi Watts) and father to 3 kids, one of them being my favorite Spiderman Tom Holland. Believe me when I say that the movie pulled at my heartstrings, especially after the tsunami hit and the family got separated as well as the scene where Henry (Ewan) was at this one camp and he was speaking on the phone while crying. I really felt the “dad” emotions there, knowing that he is a dad in real-life. This movie, even though you are a fan of Ewan and Tom, is not for the faint of heart.

The latest addition to my list is the knight-in-shining armor that is Elmont from Jack the Giant Slayer. He is a feisty one, let me tell you that. He does not give up easily and boy, does he look hot with that crossbow. Anyways, him as Elmont was a fantastic casting, showcasing the selfless persona of a knight who was willing to protect his kingdom above all else. The mini swordfights in between serve as bonuses.

Please do know that I will be watching more of his work as the days progress, but while writing this, this is all that I have seen.

Finally, I’m done with that lengthy timeline narration and now, onto the chessy-ish part, because it depends on perception if you are willing to think of my love for him as obsession or just dedication.

For the most part, I can’t really describe how happy he makes me. It’s as simple as me hearing him talk in interviews with that lovely Scottish accent of his, hearing him sing covers of songs and seeing his pictures on Pinterest (I have about a hundred of him on a board on the app, along with a few Star Wars characters) and the internet in general or it’s as bizarre as me smiling when I see a photo of him with a silver hoop piercing on his left ear or as scenic (I don’t even know if that’s the right word) as when I see a clip/GIF of him running his hand through his hair. I don’t really know and therefore can’t describe what is this feeling I feel when I see him.

Recently, I’ve been binge-watching his interviews on Graham Norton, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and other outlets and I can’t help but smile amidst him repeating stories and saying the same spiels and all, there’s just something about his presence that makes me feel happy. I’ve also been listening to his covers of songs and him playing the guitar and I melt. I mean, even with his mundane fashion sense, his charisma just stands out for me. Also, his point of views on career and why he chooses the projects that he does is inspirational. I just love, adore and admire him, amidst all the controversy (which I’m not gonna go deep into because that’s all in the past) that happened.

At the end of the day, all I can takeaway from all of these, is that Ewan really makes me happy. With his expressive blue eyes, charming smile, melodic voice, and sweet personality, he can easily lift up my spirits as high as the galaxies can reach. If only I could tell him all of these, but I would just faint and stutter if I were to see him face-to-face. But seriously, given the chance to speak with him, I would tell him how much he means to me and how much brighter the world is because of him.

I’ll just end this lengthy narration with a line from “Your Song”, which is originally sang by Elton John and Ewan sang it beautifully in Moulin Rouge and is now one of my favorite songs.

“How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world”

#ewan mcgregor #obi wan kenobi #star wars

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 2 (thoughts + spoilers)

i’ve been trying my hardest to forget about iptym during the week so the countdown to each new ep won’t feel as long, but i don’t think i’ve succeeded. with each new ep i feel more and more nervous and excited bc i know the conflict and angst is only going to keep ramping up as the series goes on (and this ep was a good indication of that...not FULL BLOWN angst yet, but the undercurrent of angst is slowly starting to come to the surface). i’m def more prepared for it than i was during itsay, but that doesn’t make it easy ;;;

the standard ‘this is not a proper analysis’ here...i’m completely aware that this post in particular is really messy, but i just had a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts with this ep. one day i will learn how to condense my thoughts better, but today is not that day so i’m doing this under a read more for once bc it’s embarrassingly long 😂

we start off with teh in acting class where his teacher is explaining how you need to be able to understand yourself before you’re able to understand other people (and therefore put yourself in the shoes of the character you’re playing)...which even before i knew where this ep was going to go felt a lot like foreshadowing for the events that were going to unfold in this ep.

the acting exercises are basically a lot like the ones that we see bkpp (and the rest of the cast) having to do as part of their workshops in the documentary eps, so it’s kind of cool to see them incorporate parts of that into the actual show itself. feels more authentic since, if you’ve watched the documentary eps, you know that this is actually what the actors have to go through when they’re learning to let themselves go and get into character.

so through this montage of all of teh’s classes, we get to see how much he’s enjoying learning more and more about his major. it’s truly his passion, and he’s finally in his element. and it’s great that he’s surrounded by so many seniors that are also as driven and passionate about performing as he is...i find it interesting how teh, even from the start, has always been most attracted to people that have the same sense of ambitiousness as he does. in itsay, his best friend (aside from oh-aew obv) was tarn, who had a very similar mindset as him. so here, it’s not really that much of a surprise that all his uni friends are basically the drama club seniors that he sees as role models. oh-aew is kind of that one outlier bc he doesn’t fit that same mould/personality type that teh tends to surround himself with, which is where you can already start to see the discord between them arising. in itsay, bc oh-aew was working towards the same end goal as teh at the time, it wasn’t as much of a conflict. but in ipytm we can see that their paths are starting to diverge more and more. that being said, oh-aew’s someone that teh truly needs in his life bc he offers a different perspective to most of teh’s other friends, and as we can see later on, teh REALLY needs that.

now THIS was one of the interactions i was really interested in. we already knew from the ep 2 teaser that teh isn’t exactly happy with oh-aew’s new friend group, so i’ve been waiting to see how teh acts when he’s around them. everyone’s at q’s house celebrating plug’s birthday, and honestly?? they’re all really sweet and accommodating of teh (they get him sweet drinks bc teh tells them that he doesn’t drink bc it’s too bitter, and they don’t pressure him when he says he can’t drink bc he’s got morning classes). but then the conversation turns to teh and oh-aew becoming actors and earning lots of money (and how convenient that is), and teh starts to get a little riled up. i don’t think they mean anything by what they’re saying (they’re just playing around), but we know that teh's sensitive to this sort of thing, and i think to him, it’s almost like they’re saying it’s ‘easy’ to become an actor and start making bank. teh, who already knows how hard it is (esp since he’s been watching how difficult it’s been for khim in particular), starts getting defensive about it. the focus being on money hits a nerve with him too bc teh is very clearly majoring in comm arts bc it’s his dream, not bc of the money he could make from it. teh and oh-aew’s gang are just on different wavelengths, and you can really start to see how teh’s having trouble bonding with oh-aew’s gang bc of their differing mindsets.

it makes me slightly sad that you can see how worried oh-aew is about teh and his friends not meshing. it’s like we, the audience, are all feeling what oh-aew is feeling...his nervous glances at teh bc he’s afraid that teh might not like them. and the discomfort on teh’s part too. all of oh-aew friends tend to be a lot more like him, relaxed and happy to go with the flow, but we know that teh can be pretty rigid and intense about the things that he’s passionate about. oh-aew recognises this, which is why he’s as anxious as he is in the first place.

oh-aew’s tea tattoo in honour of teh is actually so sweet 😭 it shows how much teh means to him. he really got a permanent mark on his body to symbolise his love for his boyfriend ;;; but from teh’s perspective, it’s literally that first mark of change. it IS a pretty big decision, so i don’t blame teh for being shocked about it, but teh likely sees this as oh-aew’s friends being a ‘bad’ influence on him (which we know gets brought up again later). not bc of the tattoo itself, but bc of what it represents. it’s like he’s watching oh-aew start to change before his very eyes and he doesn’t know how to deal with that so he brushes it away for now.

the framing of that shot where teh and oh-aew are facing each other and then q comes to walk in between them is A LOT like how they used to frame the both of them in itsay and having bas walk in between them. interesting.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THE FACT THAT OH-AEW SPEAKS CHINESE WHEN HE’S DRUNK...that’s just plain adorable :’) it’s like he’s reverting back to when teh was teaching him chinese and they were first falling in love again. teh’s method of getting close to him was always tutoring oh-aew in chinese, so it’s as though oh-aew is trying to feel closer to teh again by speaking chinese to him. sort of like he’s trying to recreate that feeling all over again. i also love that this is basically the opposite of that oppo short film ad bkpp did haha.

we got the “ke yi ma” “ke yi” again ;;;;;;;; i love their little domestic moments. they’re so soft when they’re like this (i know we’re gonna have to weather the angst, but i hope we still have a lot more fluffy moments like this too pls). side note, i really love the lighting in these scenes!!

when oh-aew reads teh’s note about the kimchi jjigae and smiles but then reads the “do not skip class” and his smile fades away...oh, oh-aew, i feel u.

so now we get to see oh-aew in acting class, and the difference between oh-aew’s feelings towards class and teh’s feelings are like night and day. teh’s classes make him feel so fulfilled...this is genuinely something that he wants to do. but oh-aew is struggling. he doesn’t have that same sense of purpose as teh bc he’s starting to realise that this might not be what he really wants...he’s trying but just not enjoying it at all. when teh tells him about the casting call, i feel so much dread for him bc he’s clearly not looking forward to it whatsoever, but he knows how much this means to teh...so he’s willing to ignore his feelings for now if teh’s happy :(

is it just me or was this when oh-aew stopped carrying his ‘heart attack’ bag too??

idk this struggle in particular just feels so personal to me. i really identify with oh-aew when it comes to this bc when i was at uni i changed my major like 3-4 times (and changed unis a bunch of times on top of that) bc i had NO IDEA what i wanted to do. even now, i still have no clue what i’m doing a lot of the time. i’m glad that oh-aew at least managed to find some sort of clarity when he dropped in on his friends’ advertising class and realised that this was something that he enjoyed and was good at :’)

teh’s so excited and focussed on this audition that he can’t even see how worried and reluctant that oh-aew is about this. he wants them to have the same dream so bad that he can’t see that this might not be oh-aew’s dream anymore. but anyway, oh-aew is the sweetest, best boy as always. he’s so, so encouraging with teh. so patient. he really such a great balance to teh’s more volatile nature...but that contrast is also what makes you feel so bad for him when teh lashes out at him without thinking (as he’s prone to doing).

i LOVE khim. i just have so much respect for her. she’s always trying her hardest, and it’s painful to see her give so much of herself yet constantly be knocked down. the resilience that takes. i know that that’s part of the industry she’s in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. there’s a lot to be said about how harsh the entertainment industry can be (and the inherent ageism/sexism/homophobia within it), which i don’t have the time to go into here, but having to hear criticism like that...purely based on your looks (you don’t look smart enough, young enough, manly enough, etc.) is so incredibly disheartening. teh commenting on how harsh it is, and khim saying that it’s super common and telling the both of them how they’re gonna have to go through all of that the more casting calls they go to...OF COURSE oh-aew is only going to feel even more dispirited about this when he’s already realising that this might not be his thing anymore.

being able to take rejection and criticism is really fucking difficult (i know i could never do it)...and seeing oh-aew being told that he’s not ‘manly’ enough/too ‘girly’ in acting class and again at the casting call is yet another knock at his confidence. the way you physically see oh-aew get more flustered and anxious as the audition goes on, when he sees the crew shaking their heads at him :((( i feel all the nervousness, anxiety and embarrassment that he’s feeling right down to my very bones. then to walk out from that audition to khim talking about how damn hard it is to keep doing this time and time again only to be continually rejected?? my poor boy :( what’s fascinating to me is how differently the both of them interpret khim’s speech. teh latches on to her words and sees them as motivation to keep going...to keep trying and persevering. like a challenge. but to oh-aew, he just sees the difficulty and rejection. the instability of this career path, and how hard this could potentially be on his family as well. they’re both hearing completely different things.

teh being so happy about his audition even though he didn’t get the part and the way he turns around to face oh-aew directly when oh-aew tells him they said he was “too girly” and how he couldn’t change his personality to be what they wanted :((( pls. i just want to hug him so bad. teh’s “i like you the way you are now” and reassurance that so many other people do too  😭i know he kind of makes a mess of himself later on, but i’m still so glad that oh-aew got to hear that from him at least.

this show is the best at making you feel all that nervousness and anxiety when any of the characters are about to drop some big news. i was waiting with bated breath when oh-aew told teh he wanted to transfer majors. it makes me sad though that oh-aew has to constantly feel like he’s walking on eggshells when it comes to teh...he’s always most worried about teh’s reaction, and that’s prob the main reason why he didn’t opt out of comm arts even earlier. but oh-aew has all these mounting doubts about his major, and there’s only so long he can stick it out for teh’s sake, and the casting call (and khim’s words) really solidified that for him.

teh’s "you haven’t given it your all”/”you haven’t done your best” rubs me the wrong way bc it’s easy to think that way when you’re set on something and know that that’s what you want to do...but when you’re doubting/not sure about something, it just isn’t the same thing. we all have different thresholds when it comes to what we can endure and how much we can put into something. teh’s a hard worker, we’ve seen how dedicated he can be when he really wants something, but not everyone works like this. not everyone can be a teh or a khim. and esp not when they’re having to give their all to something that doesn’t feel right for them. and oh-aew’s right...sometimes once is enough to know that something’s not a fit for you.

when oh-aew mentions that he sat in on advertising class and thinks he might be into it, it’s like a parallel of that scene when they’re kids and oh-aew told teh that he wanted to become an actor like him. only now it’s the opposite. teh’s had this plan in his head that he and oh-aew are going to reach their dream of becoming actors and the lead protagonists in a movie/series together for so long now that it’s hard for him to reconcile that oh-aew might no longer want this as much as he does anymore. it’s like he can see this ultimate goal of his crumbling. so just hearing that it’s bc of q and the rest of the gang’s ‘influence’ that oh-aew sat in on their advertising class in the first place (and this triggered his interest in advertising) is like strike two for teh vs. oh-aew’s friends.

i’ve def mentioned this before, but oh-aew has always been the more pragmatic of the two, whilst teh is more idealistic, so i understand why he would gravitate towards something that was more stable of a career for him. more of a guarantee. he knows that advertising/marketing suits him better (not to mention that he’s always had the resort as his safety to fall back on too), and it’s something that he’s discovering he actually enjoys more in general too.

when i first watched this, i was like “oh wow teh’s matured so much!!” bc he didn’t blow up at oh-aew during this scene...that kind of ended up backfiring on me towards the end, but at the same time, i do think there’s a certain level of growth there since he does end up trying to reassure oh-aew (even if the blow up still occurs later on). it’s a process though...and even baby steps are progress.

8 months later and teh’s walking past that same place he and oh-aew walked by during his first night in bangkok...only now the poster is no longer the same red one. it’s blue... as though it’s signifying that this is just teh’s dream alone now, and teh clearly still hasn’t come to terms with that yet.

i’m really happy seeing oh-aew in a much better place now!! it’s so good to see him happy and actually involved in uni with his friends. but watching teh struggle going through casting calls and rejections makes my heart ache. hearing khim’s experience with auditions, and actually having to experience it irl, are two entirely different things. it’s like the reality of the situation is starting to hit in for teh. and that, on top of oh-aew not being there to support him in the same way bc their goals in life aren’t similarly aligned anymore, is starting to take its toll.

god, when teh lined oh-aew and was waiting for his response i was like nooooo don’t do it DON’T DO IT only for him to open ig to check oh-aew’s story 😭(though it IS cute that they have couple pfps). but we’re regressing. and now that they have different social circles it’s even harder to connect than before. teh feels like oh-aew’s being pulled away from him, into another friend group that doesn’t include him...and his insecurities are bubbling to the surface again. teh’s always needed that reassurance that he’s ‘special’ to oh-aew. clearly, we know that he is...but even now that they’re dating, it’s still something that he questions. and esp now that oh-aew is starting to feel like he’s fading further and further away out of reach.

i love seeing all of teh’s friends encourage him. they all understand how tough it is, and to see them all pull together to lift his spirits again is so lovely. but then his mood completely changes again when oh-aew comes to join them for dinner :( teh’s doing that thing again where he says everything’s fine when everything’s not fine (cue that “they ask you how you are and you just have to say you’re fine when you’re not really fine” meme). the flash to teh’s face when top says that he didn’t pass the exam to get into anantasart, and you know he’s just thinking about how he gave up his spot for oh-aew initially, and now that oh-aew’s transferred, it’s kind of like he’s turned it down twice. oof.

when teh tells them all that oh-aew’s transferred to advertising, it’s as though this is his way of trying to separate both his worlds. like oh-aew doesn’t belong here with his drama club friends, and it’s that pettiness that we got from teh in itsay is back in full force all over again. it reminds me so much of that time oh-aew told the itsay gang that he was a virgin, and so teh told his friends at school that he was a virgin too. or when oh-aew sent him that picture of his and bas’ legs touching, so teh retaliated by putting that pic of tarn on his story and leaning in to kiss her. it’s like he always needs to one up oh-aew. he doesn’t want oh-aew to feel the same bond with his drama club friends that teh has (esp when he sees that oh-aew is so close to his uni friends). where oh-aew was anxious about teh and his uni friends not getting on, teh is anxious that oh-aew and his drama club friends will get on too well so he has to create this distinction between them. kind of like his petty attempt to be all “i have my own friends too!!”, but it’s also combined with that feeling of inadequacy that he might not fit into oh-aew’s life anymore. he might not be ‘special’. idk if that makes sense but basically i think that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things during this scene.

when he starts attacking oh-aew at dinner...that was really hard to watch. you ever feel like you want to reach through the screen and just put your hand over someone’s mouth so they stop talking?? it was rough :/ it’s one thing to fight when it’s just the two of you alone, but it’s another thing to tear your partner down right in front of your friends. i understand teh’s feelings (and i know that they’ve been building up over this time), but my frustration was through the ROOF during this. it’s on brand for him, but still. and then poor khim :( i know oh-aew didn’t mean it in that way but the awkwardness of this entire dinner was just overwhelming.

another thing that’s sad about what teh said about oh-aew is that this is a huge sore spot for oh-aew, and it’s always been one of his biggest insecurities. the reason they stopped being friends when they were kids was bc teh said that he was going to quit eventually, so for teh to talk about how “shilly shally and indecisive” he is/how easily he ‘quits’ at things is a low blow when he already knows how much those words hurt oh-aew.

teh has a habit of jumping to conclusions based on oh-aew’s social media posts instead of actually talking things out with oh-aew so naturally it would make an appearance again here as well. and calling oh-aew’s friends “shitty” bc they’re different to him (aren’t as driven as teh and his drama club gang...therefore a bad influence on oh-aew) makes it really evident that teh still has a lot to learn. he really needs to start taking those acting class lessons to heart so he can see that not everyone is the same, and that other peoples’ experiences and perspectives are valid too.

teh’s long pause and “maybe” to oh-aew’s “and if this is what i really am, you’re not gonna like me anymore, are you?” BIG SIGH. it’s so typical of teh. i know he’s honest to a fault, but he REALLY needs to learn to think before he speaks sometimes bc he always ends up regretting it. i love that impulsivity of his, but it’s also one of the most frustrating things about him.

one thing that i find kind of annoying with the time skip is that we miss so much of teh’s festering feelings that it’s a bit harder to empathise with him when he has his eventual blow up?? i think if we were seeing this more consistently, it would be much easier for us to understand things from his pov better. like if we could slowly see this building up more and more as time went on, rather than just time skipping the 8 months until the blow up.

anyway, now khim and top are graduating ;;; i really hope that we’ll still get to see more of them in the next eps. i also love how the people in teh’s life are always so concerned for him (and how oh-aew’s doing). the message behind the book teh gets for khim’s graduation present is really sweet.

when khim first tells them that she’s going to be a flight attendant and teh blows up, i felt really angry at him initially. but upon reflection and rewatching this ep again...i think i understand where he’s coming from a lot better now. obv i still think he was out of line bc of course what khim’s saying makes sense...she can’t keep going to casting calls and scraping by with minor roles when she has to support herself and her family. in the end, we all need money to survive, and sometimes we have to be realistic about it. i really loved what she said about how we can have multiple dreams at once. but yeah, my heart really went out for her so much here :( it might be difficult for teh to see (or accept) rn, but he’s a lot more privileged than he realises. he still has hoon and his mother to support him financially, but not everyone is in the same position. not everyone gets to be as lucky.

regardless, i still understand why teh gets as torn up about it as he does. khim is someone that he’s looked up to and respected SO much...and his own doubts and insecurities have been steadily increasing. first, oh-aew changes majors, then, he keeps getting rejected at auditions, and now, the senior that he respects the most bc of her hard work and determination, is giving up her dream (at least in his eyes) to become a flight attendant. it’s like the world keeps telling him to give up bc it’s not going to work out for him. and he’s invested EVERYTHING into this dream. it’s all or nothing for him. but it’s like everyone else is slipping away, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold onto.

when teh looks at the tie and is reminded of oh-aew always being there to put it on for him :(((((((( ngl i was hoping that teh would be the first one to approach oh-aew (since their fight was bc of him), but i’m glad he apologised at least. and that they had a good talk about their feelings. but then again, this reflection after their fights is what they’ve always been fairly good at. teh just has to learn to stop internalising things so much that he ends up exploding so they don’t get to this point in the first place. so much has flipped from the first ep where oh-aew was the one feeling lonely and out of place. now it’s teh’s turn to feel all alone as he sees everyone’s dreams and goals (but his) start to change. like everyone is moving on and learning to adjust while he’s being left behind.

when they’re promising each other that their love for one another will never change, it just makes me feel so SAD. seeing them in the moonlight like this compared to the first ep when they were on the beach in phuket and teh was so hopeful and oh-aew was so worried :( everything’s already changed so much. making this promise under the moon like this reminds me of how bkpp kept talking about how the ‘ipytm’ title itself means an impossible promise...the two of them hugging in the moonlight as the score plays just feels so painfully bittersweet somehow ;;; my heart is aching, and i want the next ep, but i can’t deny that my anxiety is slowly building.

anyway, i know the end of this sounds so negative but i’m still banking on our teh/oh-aew endgame!!!!!!! it just needs to get worse to get better, and there’s still so much space for them to grow and learn. so many more experiences in store for them.

#i promised you the moon #ipytm #text #i'm sorry this is so long and that it took so long #if you read this whole thing you deserve some type of medal bc idk HOW it got to this point #if only i was able to be this dedicated to my assessments back when i was studying #i was mad with teh during the first watch but that simmered down a whole lot during the second watch #i think it's just hurts me to see him keep shooting himself in the foot #but i know that you mature through your experiences and the way he acts in this is still so consistent with his character #just...can he not hurt oh-aew like this. i just don't want to see him sad anymore pls stop making him sad #ok i'm going to sleep now peace out and until next week where hopefully there'll be some structure to my thoughts for once

[courtney-deserved-better]

not total drama related. but i just got wonderful news from a friend and have a story i need to share. if you like theatre and/or hopeful endings you will probably enjoy

im gonna cry. so back in early 2020 my school was doing beauty and the beast and everyone expected this senior girl who was nice and pretty and good at everything but secretly very mean to get belle. and my friend who was a freshman but very dedicated to theatre (and an absolute sweetheart) auditioned for belle just hoping to be the understudy for the senior girl. but then the cast list was posted and my friend got belle and the whole theatre community of the school was SHOOK. we later found out that the senior girl didnt even get a CALLBACK. watching her best friends who got the beast and gaston go O_O at each other when they saw the cast list was very funny. my friend was shocked and delighted but also a bit insecure. she was very excited to be belle but she knew the senior girl and her friends probably hated her now. i assured her that she absolutely deserved the role and she did. she absolutely crushed it at rehearsals. when we were into tech week, i overheard the senior girls friends talking about how the whole show was a joke, the cast list was surely a mistake, and my friend was too ugly to be belle because she was plus-sized. and let me tell you i have never been closer to violence than i was in that moment. anyways we got the news that our school was going to shut down due to covid next week during tech week. so the director decided that our dress rehearsal would be out first (and only, though we didn’t know it) show. we performed, and then everything got shut down. the director said we would do the show in the fall if school opened back up. it did not open back up until april of 2021. instead of doing a musical we worked on a musical showcase, where we recorded ourselves singing different musical songs and then filmed music videos for them. we even did some songs from beauty and the beast but it wasn’t the same. i moved across the country that summer. school started back up for my friend a few weeks ago, and the director announced that they would be doing beauty and the beast. everyone who had already been cast could keep their roles if they wanted to. this means that my friend gets to be belle again. one of the things she was really disappointed about during the first run of the show is that she didn’t get a nice yellow dress for belle, the costume department provided her with a cheap one that didnt fit well. a week before i moved away i went thrift shopping at goodwill and the minute i stepped into the store i saw a yellow dress that had probably once been used for someone’s quincenera, but looked almost identical to belle’s dress. and it was good quality. it was even plus-sized for my friend, so i immediately bought it (for thirty bucks!) and had my friend over to try it on. and it fit perfectly. auditions for the show were yesterday, and my friend just called me about the cast list. shes been working closely with director on stuff like the script (something that was scrapped in the original run was belle being the one to kill gaston but they’re putting that back in) and she got to see the cast list early. we have another best friend, who im gonna call paulette, because that’s her dream role in legally blonde. paulette has been doing theatre for as long as my friend, but hasn't really gotten as big roles, despite being dedicated and working hard. as soon as the director announced that there would be another run of beauty and the beast, my best friend kept encouraging paulette to audition for the beast so they could have a wlw version of beauty and the beast (my friend is a lesbian and paulette is bi). paulette would always laugh this off or scoff at it. this went on for months. i didn’t really believe she would audition for the beast, and im not sure my friend did either. but she did. and she got it. she’s the beast. my best friend, who brought me out of a really dark time in my life (partially caused by the senior girl and her friends, ironically), who is so talented and sweet and yet so insecure, and has waited almost two years to get back to this show, is going to star in a sapphic version of beauty and the beast with her underappreciated best friend. im gonna cry.

#if you did read this thank you i just really have to share this joy

[mikrowrites]

•aaron tveit headcanons•

a/n: aight guys I’m not dead! i haven’t really had the time to write much, but aaron tveit lives in my heart rent free so here’s these dumb kinda specific really long headcanons:

so you both probably met pretty early into aaron’s career

it’s probably safe to say both of you would have the same if not similar careers, broadway and acting

and though aaron was lucky enough to get his big break, you had unfortunately not (yet) and had to wait tables for a couple years after college

(insert waitress/customer troupe here)

you worked at a restaurant close to the theatre district after undergrad and aaron was starring in Hairspray

the boy saw you and was w h i p p e d

would come to the restaurant like 4 days a week

kinda creeped you out ngl

finally got the balls to actually start a conversation and boom: instant friends

and you guys were friends for a while! dumbass and chaotic conversation was a YES

“did you know barcodes scan the white space and not the black lines”

“WAIT WHAT??”

“how many orders of fries would put me in the er?”

“uhhh... 30”

you first caught feelings when aaron invited you to see him as Fiyero in Wicked

was it his amazing talent and charm? or was it his tight pants? you’d never tell

but nevertheless, oh shit! the friends to lovers troupe!

aaron is a manly man™️ and will always say he asked you out first

which is somewhat true, but you always argue the dinner you took him to after that show was the first date

because that’s when you first kissed him

and just like that! he asks you out!

first date is literally a d r e a m

no romantic dinner, no dress and tux

there was wine tho

you and aaron watched a Yankees game and got drunk off your asses laughing and screaming at the tv and annoying aaron’s roommate

did it end with both of you passed out on his couch cuddling? maybe it did

best. first. date. ever.

the second date WAS a nicer one, going out to eat and wandering the streets of New York City

and yes, some dates were ABSOLUTELY a par 9 on a golf course

you didn’t really put a label on your relationship for a while

because aaron’s career began to take off with next to normal and you finally got your big break on a national tour!

it was pretty bittersweet, though

you and aaron had a healthy conversation about your relationship, and decided you weren’t quite dating yet, but still talking. you guys wanted to see if you could manage the whole “gone for months at a time” thing

and you could!

skype, texting, and random 1 am phone calls

one time you feel asleep during one of the calls, and aaron just smiled and watched you sleep (not in a creepy way guys)

when you came back from tour you’d think you had come home from war

he all but tackles you into a hug, and kisses you

“let’s make this work”

so lo and behold! you were dating!

takes you to meet his family on thanksgiving

they love you

attending the tonys together, which was basically the first time you two confirmed a relationship

he said “I love you” first

a couple years would go by, catch me if you can and such, and you make your broadway debut!!

you’re def a triple threat

aaron’s so gushy about it, constantly brags about you

rumor has it he cried watching the opening night, denies it every time

literally glued to you for the entire after party, he’s just seriously so proud and in love awwh

and then he books les miz and graceland

you’re unable to travel to London w him since you’re in your own show, and it hits both of you hard

so what does this mfer do?

it’s the morning he leaves for shooting and you’re dropping him off at the airport

“hey when i get back from filming wanna get married?”

“sure”

totally gave you a little prize machine plastic ring at the airport

you guys are literally SO NONCHALANT about it as everyone around you goes insane

“i’m engaged, i guess”

the internet blows up because they actually can’t figure out if you guys are serious or not

don’t worry, aaron actually proposed properly with a proper ring eventually

you still wear the plastic ring on a chain around your neck for a while tho

you both decide to get an apartment together

domestic couple things

Your neighbors probably hate you from the amount of times you both have “sing-offs”

slow dancing in the kitchen, laundry day, watching football games together gets aggressive

i firmly believe that you aren’t a Dallas Cowboys fan

the biggest fights you have honestly is about the NFL

in all seriousness there is still small conflict every once in a while, but you both are fantastic at communication

attending the oscars with aaron

“yeah but lOoK aT mY BeAuTiFuL FiAnCeE”

you’d be lying if watching the oscars performance didn’t turn you on a bit

but ANYWAYS

you guys get married!

it’s definitely not a huge fancy wedding, just friends and family

you know for a FACT he’d sing “marry me a little” at the reception he so would

you guys dance all night

it’s adorable, his hand literally never leaves yours

you end up with a sinus infection from all the cake frosting he smears on your face

aaron felt really bad for it, so like a good wife you hold it over him for eternity

“remember that time we missed our flight to Belize because we were in the ER-“

“OH MY GOD—“

went to Belize to honeymoon eventually anyways

aaron was very much like that one john mulaney sketch

“that’s my wife!”

“hey! have you met my wife yet?”

“i love my wife”

life goes on for you two, you remain hopping from broadway show to show

aaron ends up working on his acting career more

lots of time apart, but that just makes the time together more precious

adorable phone contact names

“wifey❤️” and “hubby❤️”

you were on set a lot for rehearsals of Grease Live

you actually helped assist in some of the choreography from time to time

impromptu golf cart rides

and you get to watch it live! like, you were AT the carnival on the set!

you’re just really proud of your mans :,)

family and friends keep pestering you both to have kids

so you adopt a dog (MILES BBY I LOVE YOU)

also as a side note, you love Braindead

you laughed HYSTERICALLY during the salami sex scene

aaron filmed it and posted it on twitter

fast forward, you get offered to help choreograph a new show! woah! and you’d get to swing for it!

it’s super top secret tho, and you literally cannot tell aaron

you do eventually relent the information that you’re working on a new show, and the man doesn’t pry. he’s respectful like that.

you meet the team, and boy you are IN LOVE

auditions are fun, creating the choreo is exhilarating

you don’t hear about casting much at all tho

so when aaron walks into the studio you both immediately freeze

“wait what the f—“

“I KNEW IT!”

yup. you both were working on Moulin Rouge! and had NO clue

you both share (1) braincell

the lab went great, and soon you were on your way to Boston!

you HATE aaron’s longer hair, mostly because he won’t let you mess with it >:(

he eventually relents, and you teach him the secrets of “the man bun™️”

you also braid it a lot

“ow!”

“stop being a pussy about it”

or

“your hair’s the money maker don’t make me shave it in your sleep”

performing with your husband is a dream

sneaking looks on stage

aaron calls your frustrated choreo-instruction voice “mom voice” and the rest of the cast picks up on it

“no, it’s 7, 8! Up on 3, down on 5, 6, spin 7,8!”

“ok, mom!”

“SHUT UP, AARON!”

then broadway!!

the ricky-aaron lives

you had to go on for nini one performance and ricky teased aaron ALL DAY

you were totally in on it too

but aaron isn’t really the jealous type. he knows you are so in love with him, the same way he is in love with you

so basically he knew it was all fun and games

shenanigans backstage

one time during intermission you convinced aaron to give you a piggyback ride the ENTIRE 15 MINUTES

“hey aaron nice backpack”

small talk between scenes

like aaron would be sprinting to his next cue and you’d just

“i’m ordering domino’s for dinner pepperoni or sausage?”

“PEPPERONI!”

you both drink too much iced coffee, like people are actually concerned for you both

neither of you are party-ers really, but you can GET DOWN

i am convinced aaron can cook

like if he’d have a day off, you’d come home from an evening performance with a cooked meal and two wine glasses

never candles tho

not after the valentine’s day incident

BUT TO SUM IT ALL UP

y’all are cute :,)

#aaron tveit x reader #aaron tveit imagine #aaron tveit imagines #aaron tveit headcanons #aaron kyle tveit x reader

[lokismusings]

Russell T Davies on straight actors and gay characters.

I decided to put this here because I post a lot of Hilson stuff. As an actor, this article hit a nerve. However, as a defender of free speech, Davies is allowed to have his opinion without me thinking of him as insensitive. Just like I am allowed to have my own opinion and argument, and ask questions without being labeled “homophobic, intolerant” etc. (that would just make me laugh because have you SEEN my blog? Anyway, I’ve seen a few other websites covering this article. I am also very skeptical of everything I read, including the sources, and I try not to blindly believe everything. That being said, I felt like posting this to get other opinions and ask honest question to help my understanding. If this has already been covered on Tumblr, please feel free to send me the conversations! Some background on me: I graduated with a BA in Theatre and have worked both on and off the stage since I was twelve years old. I have directed plays and an audio play. Given my experience and dedication to my craft, I think my opinion is worth something.

Also, for the sake of this argument, I am leaving trans-actors out because that’s a whole different post. Here is the article:

https://news.sky.com/story/russell-t-davies-straight-actors-should-not-play-gay-characters-12185652

Okay, so first things first, let’s talk about this: “Speaking to the Radio Times, Davies compared a straight actor playing a gay character to black face.” Something that irks me is when one person tries to speak for a whole community and doesn’t reference people from said community who might disagree: whether it’s the LGBTQ+ community, a religious community, medical community, etc. The list goes on. Here, Davies is speaking on behalf of, or speaking for, both the LGBTQ+ community and the black community, is he not? I am genuinely asking because I would like to be more educated on this kind of speech. 

Then Davies says, "I'm not being woke about this... but I feel strongly that if I cast someone in a story, I am casting them to act as a lover, or an enemy, or someone on drugs or a criminal or a saint... they are NOT there to 'act gay' because 'acting gay' is a bunch of codes for a performance.” Does that not discredit his whole statement? If any actor does a caricature version of anything and doesn’t take it seriously or really works to get into the role and the mindset of a character, they’re not a good actor. At least, they’re not an actor that I’d want to hire. Second, by the logic that a straight person shouldn’t play a gay character, should someone without a criminal record not be able to play a criminal character? Before you go off and say “it’s about identity and sexuality, and playing a criminal is about the choice to break the law” or other arguments, I hear you. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the experience. How can an actor who has never committed a crime play a criminal character authentically? They do their research: reading, interviewing, etc. I’m not saying that an actor with a few minor marks on his record shouldn’t be considered for the same role. I’m saying that in an audition setting, if both of these actors were auditing for the role and the non-criminal-record actor just happened to do a better job and fit what the director and/or writer wanted, is that a mark against the criminal-record-actor? Maybe personally because we don’t know what the director is thinking. But chances are, it’s not a mark against the other actor. The other one just happened to have a better audition. Or, a major factor when considering casting, said actor was easy to work with--I’ve seen a lot of talented actors lose a lot of roles because of their inability to take criticism or notes. 

Plus, the whole “Breaking Bad” series?? I highly doubt the main actors were meth-making drug-lords. Or, a better example, “The Wire?” In that show, we see the constant battle and deals between drug-lords and cops. 

Another point I’d like to make:  “...is a bunch of codes for a performance.” That’s exactly right. The audience doesn’t want to know an actor is “performing.” We know that going in, with what is called “suspension of disbelief.” We know the whole show is a performance, but we also expect the actors to be truthful (unless it’s a comedy/farce, but again, that’s a different argument). 

Was it bad that, before 2020, some main characters in TV shows were portrayed as straight but the writers ended up “queer-baiting?” I am referring, of course, to House, M.D. (If you follow this blog, you’ll understand.) But I am also referring to the BBC Sherlock Holmes series. Yes, both pairs of characters (House and Wilson; Holmes and Watson) are assumed to be straight. However, some episodes allude that there could also be something more there. Even the actors have said in various interviews that they aren’t sure if it’s a true romance that the characters are afraid to face, or just a strong bond between best friends that blurs the line between platonic and romantic. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the picture. Therefore, should these characters have only been played by straight actors who are questioning their sexuality or feelings for a best friend? Would it have been disrespectful to gay people if these characters ended up becoming romantically involved? (If we ask the Hilson and Johnlock community, I’m guessing that’s a resounding “NO WAY! IT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!” xD <3) 

“It's about authenticity, the taste of 2020.” *Cinema Sins sigh*

"You wouldn't cast someone able-bodied and put them in a wheelchair...” Again I say, directors and casting directors need to ALWAYS search for someone who is in a wheelchair, or deaf, or HOH, etc. before looking for an able-bodied actor to play a character with that disability (I’m iffy on the whole term “disability because of its negative connotations, but I’m using that word in order to keep this post as long as possible). But I give you the example of Rainman with Dustin Hoffman. Or A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe. Or the play and movie Proof, where the father had a mental illness?  Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed late in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, but the father in Proof was written to allude more to schizophrenia. And yet, Anthony Hopkins did a tremendous job in that role. Or Even Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks. Many people today love Tom Hanks and laud him as a “woke” celebrity. But if he were to portray the role of Forrest Gump today, how many people would try to “cancel” him or at least have very strong words for the director not casting an actor with autism, due to the character’s autistic tendencies? A whole lot of people on the internet and Twitter, I’ll bet. As someone who struggles with anxiety and panic disorder, would I be upset if someone without that mental illness got cast in a role of a character struggling with that? Sure I would. But if they did an authentic job and approached the role respectfully, it would be hard to stay irritated. Besides, there are always more roles created practically everyday. 

To continue on with Davies’ quote: “...you wouldn't black someone up.” Yikes. I’m sure he didn’t mean this in a cast-off kind of way, but that’s how it comes across. I can see now why he said he wasn’t “being woke about this,” because a more “woke” way of putting that would be...what, exactly? “You wouldn’t cast a non-black person in a black role.” That sounds better and less harsh. Or even “a white person in a minority role.” Which should be common sense, and I agree with both statements. 

And then “Authenticity is leading us to joyous places." Oh! Look at that! There’s that word that I’ve been using and emphasizing throughout this whole post! Authenticity is one major brick in the foundation of good, credible acting. 

“High-profile examples of straight performers playing LGBTQ+ characters include Rami Malek's Oscar-winning portrayal of Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, and Taron Egerton's Golden Globe-winning turn as Sir Elton John in Rocketman.”

I haven’t seen Rocketman, but I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and it was great! Why am I high-lighting this movie? Because it’s the perfect example of a straight actor playing a gay character and playing it authentically, while also looking a lot like the real person they’re portraying. If a look-a-like had been cast who also happened to be gay, but couldn’t act to save their life or couldn’t bring as much as Rami brought to the role, wouldn’t that kind of put a damper on the film? And yet, Rami Maleck both looked the part and brought an authenticity to the role that many Queen fans loved and appreciated. Even the remaining Queen band members said that he did an incredible job and Freddy would be proud. I wonder if Freddy would care that Rami wasn’t gay? I doubt it, but no one can know for certain. 

Then there’s the whole term “gay face.” I personally don’t think this is the right term to use because it could possibly diminish the whole meaning and importance of “black face.” Even if Corden appeared to be mocking gay people (I never watched The Prom so I have no idea what his performance was like), calling it “gay face” takes away from and inadvertently belittles the whole dark history of “black face.” Black face’s whole history comes out of an even darker history of racist times filled with hatred and ignorance. I’m not saying that gay people haven’t had their own experiences with hate and intolerance, but isn’t kind of “un-woke” and “insensitive” to compare the hundreds of years of blatant, public racism against an entire race of people to the intolerance of homosexuals? (Again, I’m asking this genuinely because I want to learn and get other people’s opinions. I’m not trying to speak for any community, and I recognize that my personal opinion on this matter is just that: my opinion. And I could be better informed.)

Along the lines of the above paragraph, is it wrong to say or think that casting a non-minority actor in a minority role is a lot different from casting a straight actor in a gay role? Sexuality comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors; that is to say, every race has people with different sexualities. But I think it would be pretty cringe if a Caucasian actress was cast in a role meant for an Asian or African-American woman. 

Director Joe Mantello told Sky News the casting was not intentional, but rather a "very fortunate series of events".

He continued: "That being said, I think having an out gay cast really did inform the work and it took on a particular kind of tone because of that, which is not to say that's the only way to approach this material. But for this particular group, it did something that I think is very, very special. There's a chemistry that they have."

And this man summed up my entire argument! He also put into simpler terms what I have been trying to express about the beauty of theatre: there will always be special casts, especially when there’s a great chemistry from a shared experience. A "very fortunate series of events,” indeed. “The casting was not intentional...” leads me to believe that the director didn’t set out to have an all out-gay-cast, but rather, each actor brought great performances to their auditions and were considered by the director to be perfect for the roles. These actors also just happened to be gay.

If you’re still here after all of that, let me take a moment to sincerely thank you for reading the whole thing! I know it’s a lot, but I’m very passionate about acting and giving each and every actor a fair chance. Let me know what you think, and please be respectful!

#russell t davies #straight actors and gay characters #opinion #article #actor #theatre #film #television #hilson #johnlock #bbc series sherlock holmes #the prom #bohemian rhapsody #forrest gump #tom hanks #rocketman #this took way longer than i expected and i'm not even going to submit this anywhere #i feel like i'm back in college writing an argumentative essay #woke #woke culture #wokeness

[variousqueerthings]

The Outsiders First Feelings

So I’ve watched the extended movie, but not the theatrical version or read the book (plan on doing both)

spoilers:

Just want to be clear that there is critique of specifically the extended/director’s cut, but overall I am heartbroken at how powerful this story is. So that’s the TL;DR of it.

1.

First thoughts: Man they did well on this casting. Apparently they did group casting to make sure the ensemble worked (also Ralph Macchio remembers how they had to read for all the parts, but he was very insistent that he was auditioning for Johnny and tbh, if I’d been Coppola I’d’ve taken one look at him and gone “yes”)

Anyway this movie works on the strength of the cast more than anything for me. I care about the greasers (have to confess “Sherri” ended up being a non-entity, but that’s not Diane Lane’s fault, the character doesn’t have depth or connection to the others, since her life isn’t explored) because every one of them cares so much about each other.

2.

Second, I don’t know the context behind Hinton’s dislike of a queer reading of the text, but queer reads exist because queer canon has historically been rare/deliberately pushed into allegory and metaphor. All this to say that - however unknowing - she wrote a text that was absolutely filled with that queer subtext that a queer reader would immediately notice (and from the sounds of it a lot of non-queer readers too). Not knowing you did it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And the movie just adds the visuals that belong to that queer-coding.

And wow was this a story about the closeness and homosocial relationships between boys on the cusp of growing up. That shit is queer even before you get to the found family, the loneliness of being shunned just for existing, and the non-normativity of their status in society (class-based, but depicted through their finicky approach to their appearances, also interesting).

And of course. Ponyboy. And Dally. All of them to be honest. So very queercoded. And Johnny… I would be biased about Johnny even if he wasn’t being played by Ralph Macchio – smaller and more delicate in stature, abused at home, unable to form an identity because of how traumatized he is until he runs away for a week with his best friend and creates a domestic house inside a church with him, where they play poker, cut each other’s hair, read gone with the wind, and quote poetry? Okay. Okay alright. 

(sidenote: think director’s should’ve been knocking down the door trying to get Macchio after this and Karate Kid - crafted two wonderfully different characters that’re both considered iconic performances a year after one another)

I initially wasn’t sure who Dally was as a character to Johnny - wasn’t sure if he’d be the one to fuck things up for him for whatever reason, but actually he genuinely wants what’s best for him and functions as that after-image of what Johnny might*ve become if he goes away for the crime, making his motivation that much clearer. He really needed Johnny to live, to pull through, because Johnny was someone to fight for, to be better for...

Johnny had so many people who loved him....... ...................

3.

ANYWAY without having read the book yet, some critique on the movie: 

I think straight book-to-film adaptations are a bad idea 99% of the time and IMO this movie suffered for it. The pacing was just straight-up weird at times. I had a feeling that someone would die and that it’d likely be Johnny or Dally (oh sweet summer child), but while I could see the beats which likely work very well in the book, they didn’t always (sometimes they did) land at the right moments for a film. When Johnny died I went – oh, okay, that happens now, like this? If it hadn’t been for the acting I’d’ve been really annoyed, because of how it was built up and placed, it felt like it didn’t do the characters’ journeys justice.

Also in the extended edition – I was very confused about the music and read afterwards that Coppola straight up yanked out the original score and replaced it with generic 60s bops and why? Do? That? Whole scenes that would’ve been miles better with something else or entirely without music were disrupted (two big ones that stick with me: when they save the kids in the church and when they meet with Sherri before the rumble, but there were more).

That’s two of the main reasons I’m interested in watching the theatrical cut – third is that apparently he took out three scenes from the church for the extended edition and doubly why??? the church sequence depicts Johnny’s first (and only) taste at life. It’s vital to understanding his tragedy!!! whyyy??? cut it????

4.

I wonder how much of this movie acted as a precursor to Stand By Me (probably lots of people talk about this, but idk), just because of the obvious similarities, but Stand By Me did so much better at keeping it on-point and pushing the narrative forward in the right direction. Easier to adapt a short story (also Brokeback Mountain springs to mind) than a whole book, but that’s why I’m interested in the theatrical cut. Also… the music… (whispers, why).

That sounds really critical, but my feeling is mostly positive (well, sad, because everything hurts) – I get frustrated with movies where I can see how they would work with some more focus, because all the pieces are there: Arguably perfect cast, perfect story already provided, some strong cinematography (and maybe also a good score, can’t say until the theatrical), but then it isn’t brought together properly for whatever reason.

5.

Ponyboy and Johnny sure do stand outside and watch the dawn while quoting poetry and Johnny was gold even if he never saw it himself, he really was, urgh that hit my heart. The acting and images are gonna sit with me for awhile – and the tragedy of it all lingered because of the strength of the story and the acting, even if the handling of it onscreen was ultimately a bit clumsy.

Final thoughts:

There’s a deleted scene/rehearsal scene idk, but Ponyboy reads the letter Johnny wrote before he died and it’s just the VO, no visuals other than Ponyboy reading, no music. Just the stillness of that moment. 

So. Much. More. Powerful. I cried watching that. I’m very sad thinking about it.

Johnny is a gender.

#the outsiders #ponyboy #johnny cade #this is VERY much only about the extended/directors cut #ralph macchio #my writing #idk I just felt like screaming into the void because damn this story #going to read the book next I think #and then the theatrical cut

[angst-fairygodmother]

Scenario 18 and/or dialogue 23with Nathan and the Misfits crew might be fun?

A/N: I think I had a little too much fun with this one... Also if anyone wants recommendations for creepy carnival/circus music to add ambiance check the tags for my listening-list. Word Count: 4032 Content Warnings: death, murder, death threats, attempted murder, implied threat of sexual violence (very implied)

“Ugh,” you groaned, leaning on the railing outside the community center. “How long is that going to be there?”

The others looked to where you were gesturing to the bright colorful tents and flagpoles being set up on the far end of the park. 

“The carnival is going to be in town for a week,” Simon said, shrugging. “It’s not so bad, although it does mean a lot more people around.”

“Yeah, but it’s a carnival. There’s halls of mirrors and kettle corn and candy floss,” Nathan listed off, sounding more excited than he usually let you all see. “And clowns!”

“I hate clowns,” you said with a shudder.

“Don’t act like you do,” Curtis muttered, casting a glance over at Nathan and rolling his eyes.

You glared before turning your attention to your boyfriend, who had decided to take up his usual antics and was hanging over the rail by his knees (and one hand which he tried to hide) like he was trying to be a trapeze artist and hassling Kelly, who kept threatening to push him over into the lake. 

“Nathan Young, this lake is worse than the Bog of Eternal Stench, and if you end up in it, I’m not shagging you for a week,” you called over.

He shot up instantly, almost losing his balance in his scramble to get not only off the rail but as far from it as he could, as if the water could reach up and drag him in. Suddenly his attention was caught by a poster on the nearby column and he wandered over to it. Curious, you all followed, leaning around to read the bright purple page. 

‘Raven Brothers’ Carnival and Sideshow! Now hiring local performers with unique talents to be featured in our show!’

“We should totally do it,” Nathan said. “I mean with our powers, we’ll be a hit.”

“Mine’s not exactly one I want to be showing off,” Alisha pointed out, flinching at the thought, “so I’ll pass.”

“Fair point, what about the rest of us?” Nathan looked around the group, none of you particularly keen on the idea of using your powers like cheap tricks, especially not so close to home where you were sure to be seen by loved ones and neighbors.

“No,” Simon said, shaking his head determinedly. “It’s not right. We shouldn’t abuse our powers like that.”

Well, it wasn’t quite the voice of reason you were hoping for, but it was close, so you half-heartedly agreed.

“Well I’m going to anyway. It says ‘cash paid.’” Nathan snapped, trying to play off his hurt that you had all sided against him off as nonchalance. 

“Nathan…” you sighed, curling your fingers around his bicep, only to be shrugged off as he stormed in the direction of the carnival.

“It’ll be fine...right?” you asked the others, a bit fearfully. No one answered you, Kelly and Alisha casting you sympathetic glances and Curtis shrugging before all four of them turned back to gather their things and carry on with work for the day.

~

“The Playhouse?” Nathan read the sign above the red structure that had been erected with surprising speed given how sturdy it looked. “Kinky.” 

He had followed the signs, and then the crowd of freaks, here so that he could audition. But now that he was here...he fidgeted, running a hand through his unruly hair. 

He wasn’t nervous exactly, he told himself, trying to maintain his bravado even as an internal monologue. He just wished Y/N was here, to give him a kiss for luck. Not that he needed luck when he had charm and natural talent. He just liked the excuse to kiss her. Yeah, that was it.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the little black door open and strode into the dim, velvet-lined interior. He had to admit, it was spookier than he expected a carnival to be, but maybe that was just because it wasn’t all done up and lit yet.

“Hello,” an airy voice called to him. “Are you here for the auditions?”

His eyes fell to the small, dark haired woman at the front of the room, sitting in front of a raised stage. She had a clipboard in her hands and a very glittery tophat perched off-kilter on her head. “I’m the Head Floozy, I run all the stage performances and the carousel.” She offered him a brilliant grin.

He frowned, puzzled by her title, especially given that she certainly wasn’t dressed like a floozy in her loose jeans and bulky turtleneck sweater. Not that he would have noticed if she was. Because he had Y/N and would never look elsewhere when she was right there. But she wasn’t right there…

He shook his head, pulling his thoughts back to the woman who now raised her eyebrows questioningly at him.

“Oh, yeah. I am,” he answered, once again trying to play up the bravado.

“Great! I love how many young people are still performers at heart! What’s your name and your talent so I can add you to my list.”

“Nathan. Nathan Young,” he smirked. “And I’m immortal.”

“Sorry what?”

“I’m immortal. I’ve got this weird power from a freak storm and now whenever I die, I just come back to life. It’s great!”

She stared at him for a moment. “Well then, Nathan Nathan Young,” her voice held a hint of something dangerous under its lightness. “You just moved up to the first slot. Why don’t you hope up there on that stage and show me what you’ve got.”

“Oh…” he hadn’t thought about the fact that they’d want a demonstration. Too late now… “Well, of course! But I need some way to die first.”

“That won’t be a problem. You just hope on up and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Nathan climbed onto the stage. The woman pulled a wicked looking knife out of seemingly nowhere. She pulled her arm back and Nathan felt a jolt of regret, and pain as the knife embedded itself in his gut.

He sank to his knees with a wheezing groan.

A few moments later he woke with a gasp, his eyes flying open to find the Head Floozy standing over him, the knife (still covered in his blood) in her hand.

“Welcome back,” she chirped, a bright grin on her painted lips. 

She reached her free hand out to offer him help up. He decided not to take it, and her eyes narrowed but the smile never disappeared.

“You are definitely in. But, Nathan Nathan Young, do you have any friends with cool talents like yours?”

“Sure. My mate Kelly can read minds, and the weird kid, Barry, can make himself invisible. And my girlfriend…” he trailed off, your disapproving frown flashing across his mind.

“Whatever her power is, you can surprise me with it later,” the Floozy waved her hand dismissively. 

“What?” He frowned. 

She locked eyes with him, her face growing serious. “Bring them to me.” The command sounded nothing like her normal voice.

Nathan’s eyes went glassy for a moment and he found himself unable to resist, not wanting to even, before the world came back into focus.

“What was that?” he asked, having not heard what the woman said after asking if anyone else had powers. 

“Oh nothing!” That bubbly trill was going to get annoying fast, he thought. “Just be sure you’re here first thing tomorrow for rehearsal. We don’t have much time before the Grand Opening!”

After Nathan left the room, the Floozy turned to a man who had been watching from the shadows.

“This will be the Greatest Show Ever!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, a trick like that is sure to bring in the crowds,” he replied. “It might let us be stable for a while, not worry about it.”

~

A few days later, things were still tense between you and Nathan, and the others had convinced you that you should all go to the carnival, to support him and also just have some fun. It would be nice to have a change from just drinking at the bar or sitting around eating bad pizza for a change.

“I just want to state again for the record that I hate this, and if a clown comes at me, I’m punching first and asking questions never,” you protested weakly as the group strolled up to the ticket line. “And if it goes all Something Wicked This Way Comes, I will say I told you so.”

Even you had to admit that, all lit up in rainbow lights, with pennants fluttering in the breeze, and tasty smells and cheerful music floating out, the carnival did look pretty inviting.

“Five with Nathan Young?” Alisha asked the ticket attendant pleasantly.

The heavily face-painted man in the booth smiled. “Right this way. VIP treatment for all of you. These wristbands will let you skip the lines and get you a free funnel cake!” He ushered each of you over and you reached your hand over the counter to have the blue paper bracelet taped on. 

“And which one of you is the girlfriend?” 

You raised your hand meekly. 

“Ooh, good taste Mr. Young has!” the man exclaimed. “Come with me, young lady. Nathan has a special treat for you.”

“Eugh, gross,” Curtis muttered and the ticket attendant gave him a funny look before an exaggerated look of shock crossed his face.

“Oh, no! I didn’t mean it like that! Although I’ve only known him a week and I’d say he probably had it on his mind while arranging this…”

You flushed hotly.

“Let’s just...stop talking,” you pleaded. “You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up with you for funnel cakes later.”

The ticket attendant slapped a little cardboard sign on his booth to let the crowds know he’d be back later and led you away, winding confusingly through the crowds.

“So where are we going?” you asked. 

He shook his head. “I promised not to tell.”

Eventually, you were brought to a stop near the base of the ferris wheel. “Wait here.”

You nodded and the attendant disappeared, melting into the sea of people around almost as if he’d never been there. The minutes dragged on. You tapped your foot impatiently. If you were going to be here, you wanted to at least get to explore the show, not wait around for your chronically late boyfriend.

Suddenly a hand tapped you on the shoulder and you jumped, spinning around angrily, only to find laughing green eyes staring down at you, peeking out from behind a potted flower. 

“Nathan! Don’t scare me like that!” you shouted. You probably would have slapped him on the shoulder if it didn’t threaten to make him drop the plant.

“I was gonna do a bouquet, but I thought you might like something alive more,” he explained, holding it out for him. You took it, carefully, noticing that the clay was painted the exact shade of his eyes and had both your initials painted on it. 

“That’s sweet, Nathan,” you sighed, instantly forgiving him. “Although I don’t know what I’m going to do with a marigold all night…”

“Ye can keep in my dressin room and then we’ll get it at the end o’ the night.”

“Is this just an excuse to get me back to your dressing room for a quick shag?”

“No! I would never!” he pressed a hand to his chest in mock horror. “Unless ye wanted to…Actually I was gonna take you on a romantic ferris wheel ride but it took me longer t’ get here then it was s’posed to. So I gotta get back for the show...you’re comin right?”

“I don’t know Nathan…” you bit your lip apologetically. “You know I hate watching you die…”

“Please?” he whined, giving you those irresistible puppy dog eyes. “I need my best girl…”

“I had better be your only girl,” you said warningly before sighing. “Alright, fine. Lead the way.”

~

There was something strange going on. You were sure of it. The hairs on the back of your neck prickled as the lights in the theater dropped to signal the beginning of the show. And as much as you wanted it to be, it wasn’t just because carnivals creeped you out as a rule.

You couldn’t shake the feeling, even as you tried to enjoy the performances. And then your powers twinged and you looked down to see the marigold, balanced on your lap because you hadn’t had time to stash it before finding your seat, was wilting rapidly before your very eyes. 

The MC - a short, frighteningly pale woman with very little clothing and a very glittery top hat - came out on stage to announce the next act in her high, breathy voice that sounded better suited for a sex hotline. The clapping audience sounded smaller than it had in the beginning. The man came out, juggling a collection of fruits. You glanced at the person beside you and had to clap a hand over your mouth to stifle a scream. He was mummified!

You scrambled out of your seat, dropping the marigold corpse. The shattering of the pot against the laminated wood floor drew more eyes than you would have liked, but fewer than there should have been in the crowd. In particular, there was a man, dressed all in black, with a cold, cruel stare watching you now from the shadows at the edge of the stage. A shiver ran down your spine.

“Get her.” The MC called out in a voice that radiated power.

Everyone in the room moved toward you. Several performers came out from the wings, moving toward you. A familiar curly head appeared among them, moving toward you. Ice filled your veins and your stomach dropped like lead.

You ran.

~

You were panting and out of breath, cheeks stained with tears and desperate by the time you collided with the others, all standing around a bucket of kettle corn and watching a fire dancer.

“Oh thank god,” you cried, not caring that you had crashed directly into Curtis who had caught you in confusion and was staring.

“Y/N?” Kelly asked, confusion making her accent thicker. “Wot the fock happened to you.”

“Mummified...at the sideshow....evil...Nathan...mind control...have to…” you gasped, trying to explain around terror and exertion and your own heavy dose of confusion.

“Slow down, I can’t understand ya.”

You took a few deep breaths and finally pulled away from Curtis, who shrugged when you tried to apologize. You explained what you had seen and they all stared.

“I think having the plant with me saved my life, like my power used it to take the draining effect instead of me,” you concluded, sort of proud of it and sort of hoping you were wrong and imagining the whole ordeal.

“We have to save Nathan,” Simon stated matter-of-factly. “And stop the carnival from killing more people.”

“There could be more of them though. Everyone here could have powers and be in on it,” Alisha pointed out. “We should just go to the police.”

“Like they’ll believe us? They’ll book us all on suspicion for drugs,” Curtis countered, earning a dirty look from his ex-girlfriend.

“I’m with Simon. We have to try at least,” you said eventually.

The five of you settled on a plan and headed back to the Playhouse, not noticing the extra figure following in the shadows behind. 

~

The crowd was gone when you arrived and the building was dark. 

“Shit, they must be scattered looking for ya,” Kelly whispered, all of you hiding just in case. 

“Well then maybe we should let them find me,” you gritted your teeth, suggesting a new plan which involved you being bait for a trap.

Running back to the entrance, you spoke to the friendly ticket attendant again, finding out that the two people you described were The Floozy and Lloyd Raven, the two people who basically ran the show. 

“Great. Does this PA system broadcast to the whole carnival ground?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked.

“I need to borrow it.” Before he could say anything you grabbed the microphone, pressing the little button to activate it. 

“This is a message for The Floozy and Lloyd,” you called, hearing your voice echo tinnily over the speakers everywhere, cutting off the bouncy music. “Give me back my fuckin boyfriend or else!”

Then you thanked the attendant and made for the wide main lane. Nearby you spotted your friends in the shadows of a booth and took up your position. Alisha pointed to the booth, calling your attention not to the dart game, but the array of prizes: marigolds, succulents, peace lilies, and tiny philodendrons. You smirked. It might be their carnival, but you had a perfect counter to their home field advantage.

A few moments later, the pair came strolling out of the crowd, Nathan walking placidly and stiffly between them.

“Hello there,” the man, Lloyd, purred, tipping his purple velvet hat to you as they stopped, right at the perfect spot. 

“A fucking goatee?” you asked. “Really? Why not just wear a sign that says ‘I’m a villain’?”

“I don’t think you have much room to criticize my appearance dear. At least I have fashion, and the sense not to try threatening someone while wearing denim or ripped tights.”

“Let Nathan go.” You glared at them, reaching your powers out.

“But he’s ever so pretty,” the Floozy chirruped. “And would be so much fun to play with. Hey Lloyd, what if you fed off the immortal boy instead of the crowd?”

“I could sustain myself forever, and I just might. But it does so lack panache.”

Kelly looked ready to leap out at the Floozy. Curtis and Alisha were watching you for a sign that you needed them. Simon was nowhere in sight.

“Let. Him. Go. Now.”

“Oh fine,” Lloyd sighed dramatically, turning his head to the Floozy. “You know what to do dear.”

Her smile practically dripped venom as she leaned down to whisper something in Nathan’s ear. He started walking toward you, still stiff and glassy-eyed. You swallowed nervously, taking a step back. He increased his pace, running at you, hands outstretched, and definitely not for a hug.

And then suddenly he jerked to a stop in seemingly midair. You nodded in thanks to Simon, or where you approximated he was.

The grating sound of ‘Entry of the Gladiators’ blared over the speakers. 

“Fucking cliche,” you muttered, just as the first strands of trailing vine wrapped around the Floozy’s ankle. 

From there it was quick work to launch your attack, every little plant rising up to attack the two, subduing them and leaving them suspended upside down. Somehow their hats stayed on and irrationally it made you hate them more. 

“Release him, and everyone else from your stupid mind control,” you ordered once more. 

The rest of your friends had joined you by your sides, including a now-visible Simon who was still holding back Nathan, with aid of Kelly, to keep him from trying to throttle you.

“No,” she hissed.

“You know, we’ve figured out that when people die, it stops their power,” Alisha pointed out. You all whipped your heads around to stare, not expecting that suggestion to come from her of all people. 

“I can handle that,” an unknown voice said. 

“Who the fuck said that?” Curtis snapped, looking around. 

Meanwhile you absently shook the pair around by their binding vines, determined to knock at least one hat off without actually touching it.

“Me,” the firedancer from earlier said, stepping forward. “They killed my sister at their last show, so I hunted them down here. I would have introduced myself earlier, but you didn’t really give me a chance.”

Maybe after we’re done here you can heat things up with him, you suggested internally to Kelly, noticing the way her eyes roamed over the stranger.

She rolled her eyes at you, smiling.

“I was just going to use my power to smother them, but if you want to have a go, be my guest,” you said, gesturing invitingly to them.

You watched a ball of flame flicker in his hand.

“Oh!” you cried out, surprised that he had a power too.

Simon looked nervous, probably about the number of powers gathered in one place.

“Hey, you should use that talent to cause a tragic accident over at the Playhouse,” you said, off-handedly, hoping he would pick up on the suggestion of using a fire to cover up a mass murder.

He flashed you a smirk. “I like the way you think. But first, them. If you care about those greens, you might want to withdraw.”

“Nah they’re...actually wait, I really wanna do something first.” 

“This’s for threatening Nathan,” you growled. “And don’t think I don’t know what you meant.”

You narrowed your eyes, honing all your focus in on the Floozy. You whipped her up, high into the air and dropped her quickly down, jerking short just before she smacked into the ground. The stupid hat finally tumbled off her hair as she cried out in pain from the whiplash you had most definitely caused.

You grinned victoriously, and maybe a little manically if the looks the others gave you was any judge.

“Go ahead, I’m satisfied now.”

A few moments later, as the bodies burned, Nathan finally slumped, nearly knocking Simon to the ground as he became dead weight. Then he stirred.

“Where am I? What happened?” he asked, looking wildly around.

“Still at the carnival. You were mind controlled,” Simon explained, helping him right himself. 

“It’s a long story,” Kelly added.

“Y/N! Are you alright?” he asked, hurrying over to you and cupping your cheeks between his graceful hands. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you said. “How do you always end up the damsel in distress?”

He shrugged and flashed you a flirtatious smirk. “It’s because I’m so goddamn beautiful.”

“Hate to break up the party, but you should go so I can torch this place,” the firedancer said.

You all nodded, making your way to the entrance. 

“Hey wait, where is everybody?” Nathan asked. 

“I got them evacuated before we set our trap. The second time,” Curtis said, nonchalant. 

“But not the people at the show?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I didn’t go back that far. You know how it is.”

Later, the six of you, plus one firedancer (Andrew he was apparently called) lounged against the rail, passing around a joint and watching the flames of the carnival lick at the night sky, reflecting beautifully in the lake. The fire department would be there soon, and until then, Andrew assured you, it wouldn’t spread past the farthest tents. All in all, it wasn’t a bad end to the night.

“Hey, Y/N, can I talk to ya?” Nathan asked, pulling you aside.

“Are you alright Nathan?” you asked, concerned that the mind control had some lingering effect. 

“Hm? Yeah. I just...tonight was s’posed to be special and I fucked that up,” he started, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “But I wanted you to know anyway, I think I’m in love with you.”

“What?! Nathan, tonight has been a mess. You tried to kill me!” You cried incredulously.��

“That wasn’t my fault! You said yourself I was mind controlled,” he whined guiltily, dropping his voice as the others looked over curiously. “And it’s still how I feel…”

You sighed. It was no fun giving him a hard time if it made him actually feel bad.

“I love you too, you idiot,” you said, threading your arms around his neck and idly toying with a curl.

He grinned a wide, dopey grin. “I knew it. I mean I am pretty irresistible.”

You rolled your eyes. Before you could say anything though, his lips were on yours and he had pressed you back against the brick wall. You moaned softly into the kiss as your tongues battled for dominance, and all your witty comebacks were forgotten.

“By the way,” you said when he finally pulled back, reluctantly, for air. “I told you so. Carnivals. are. always. evil.”

#Listening List: Something Wicked This Way Comes - Vernian Process. Circus Apocalyse - Vermillion Lies. Entry of the Gladiators. #I basically just had those three on loop #also Uncle Raven's Super Happy Funtime Carnival (album) #Nathan Young x reader #horror prompts #Halloween prompts #Misfits fic #I LOVE creepy carnivals so... #that's why I went so hard on this fic #and basically wrote a whole ass episode #also I had a lot of fun dropping references to various other medias and things

[4homiesfilm]

5 Things - Devin 

April 9, 2021

And so it begins…

Well, I’m missing you all a ton right now, wishing I wasn’t back in shitty, smelly, stinky New York but still on the lake, ripping an apple bong, and trying to shimmy. Anyway, here are 5 things inspiring me right now, that I want to share, and hopefully some of my excitement and inspiration will rub off onto you...

1. “Films aren’t just for telling stories — they should create an impact that encourages other people to make work.” -Mati Diop. 

This wasn’t intentional, but in many ways this may just be the perfect quote to kick off this little weekly experiment of ours. This is what I want to do in general, with each film I make, but it’s especially relevant to the film we started making on this trip. Like I said the night we delved into the dark depths of how hard life has been the past year or more: we can help each other, and we can do so by inspiring one another. Mati is the perfect symbol of this for several reasons. When I first saw Atlantics, a little over a year ago, it made me think of Alisa and her style, particularly her Cuba doc. Both those films moved and inspired me in strangely similar ways, and so I had to tell her to watch it. I think it’s safe to say that Mati’s film also inspired Alisa, and then she urged all of us to watch it last weekend, and the excitement was then spread through all of us. This is so cool to me, and gives me so much creative energy. I could say so much about the film itself, and all the different aspects that moved me and blew me away, but just this rippling impact that it had on all of us makes me so happy. However, one of my favorite aspects is the music, so I will add this quote from Mati as well (which is from the same article, linked just below the quote): 

“Fatima is by far one the best musicians and artists of my generation and embodies the music of my time. I chose her because I wanted the music of the film to bewitch the audience like a djinn [genie] would, she also has an understanding of the complex geopolitical landscape of the film. My [way of telling stories] is fed by a lot of different references — European Gothic and the romantic movement, as well as my African and Muslim heritage — so I think the film is really a strange aesthetic combination. Fatima and I have a very similar hybrid culture.”

The full interview: https://www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/mati-diop-interview

2. Lee Chang-dong (aka... Director Dong) 

Wow, he has been such a profound source of inspiration for me these past few weeks. Each film of his we watched - and for Thomas and I it was three, yes three damn films! That’s like half his filmography! - had something different and new that blew me away, whether it was particular moments or something larger, something deeper pulsating underneath the surface. This interview he did after Burning’s release is fantastic, and these are the quotes that particularly stuck out to me: 

“To me it seems that films these days are becoming more and more simple, and the audience seems to desire simpler stories. Of course, films sort of shape the desires and the demands the audience makes, so I kind of wanted to go against this trend and see if a film can sort of throw endless questions at the audience. Endless questions about a larger mysterious world. This film is the result of that experiment.”

“[Hae-mi is] also the only character in the film who persistently pursues the meaning of life. The moment she disappears, I wanted the audience to sort of feel her absence and ask themselves what she represents and has been searching for — her presence in this film is very important, even when she's not there. The dancing in this scene really signifies her entire presence in the film.

When she's dancing the Great Hunger dance, searching for the meaning of life and really seeking true freedom, you see her doing that dance surrounded by both the lies and natural beauty that we live in. The scene being set during sunset, you see light and darkness co-existing, and you see the moon in the sky and you also see the grass swaying in the wind, you see the livestock, the farm and, of course, the Korean national flag, which symbolizes politics. You see all these elements that represent aspects of our lives — even the Miles Davis tune. I thought that through this scene I could portray and combine all of these elements together in the most cinematic way possible, so that the audience can really feel the potential of cinema as a medium and the unique aesthetics of cinema. So from the beginning to the end of the scene, I didn't want it to feel like it was directed or staged; I wanted it to feel as if we were able to capture this slice of life very coincidentally, and to capture Hae-mi's pursuit of freedom.

...The moment I thought of this image was when I first knew I could make this story into a film.”

Full interview: www.hollywoodreporter.com/amp/news/oscars-interview-lee-chang-dong-burning-1167869

3. Tsai Ming-liang. It makes me so excited that What Time Is It There? connected with Thomas the way it did, because this guy is one of my absolute favorite filmmakers. Watching that film was so inspiring and such a great way to end the trip, because it made me so hopeful about the future, and all its possibilities. In so many ways, Tsai makes the films I want to make. You all have to watch Rebels of the Neon God and Vive L’amour. Here is a quote by Tsai which is so similar to how I think about the films I make:

“When I was younger, I wanted to be a painter and I have always enjoyed looking at paintings. Viewing a film is admittedly a different experience from viewing a painting, but in my films I am continually trying to develop an experience for my audience similar to that of viewing a painting. I am more like a painter who is using the language of filmmaking than a storyteller who is using the medium of film.”

And here is Tsai talking about his star and muse Lee Kang-sheng, his star and muse who has been in every one of his films, which I also find so fascinating and, again, inspiring: 

“It’s not about a face being pretty; it is about how you frame it. The reason that I always cast Lee is his face. His face inspires me to look at film in a different way. Thinking about it, over my twenty-year career in feature films, it was never about the story, it was about filming Lee. 

[His face] evoked a particular sensation that touched me deeply, while the professional actors that I auditioned did not touch me as much. Ordinary faces, and ordinary people, tend to leave a stronger impression on me. When I chose Lee to be my actor, there was a lot of criticism. People complained that he did not have the face of a star. He wasn’t big or muscular. Yet, what deeply touched me was precisely this sense of ordinary-ness in his appearance. He was natural. Lee’s appearance in my films actually changed the whole path of my development as a filmmaker away from standard, industrial-style films and in another direction. 

As we have continued to collaborate, Lee has aged and his body has changed a lot. Usually in the film industry, when an actor ages and changes, the director will get a different actor to perform. Rather than choose that path, I chose to accept these changes and to allow the audience to watch as someone gets old and sometimes gets sick. I am using the changes in the body of Lee to have a conversation with the world. He will always be my actor. Using Lee throughout my career has been a kind of constraint because I could easily have used other professional or “star” actors. Placing this constraint upon myself was an active choice: a choice that was not driven by market forces but by what I wanted to achieve in my films.”

Here’s the full article: 

https://www.cineaste.com/fall2019/painterly-poetics-tsai-ming-liang-and-lee-kang-sheng

4. Our film, which I’ll be posting many stills from in the coming days/weeks, but for now, here are these three. 

It felt so good to be working on something new with all of you, and just be in that process, and see what comes out of it. I think we got some really exciting stuff, which I have to now go through and explore, but just the act of filming it and working together put me on such a high. Particularly that first night, when we got the blue shots of the lake (the boat going by, the green light of the other dock turning off) and then filming Thomas eat the enchilada...I get a specific creative rush when filming something that feels so exciting and new, and it’s a rare feeling, and I felt it then, and in other fleeting moments while filming for those days and nights. This is just the beginning...

5. Planning our next trip. Whether it be a road trip or just another week or so at the lake, I just want to be together again.

[roseskiesandbutterflies]

Pain Is So Close To Pleasure (modern!Queen x platonic!reader) - Chapter 2

Summary: As a recently promoted Soloist for the Royal Ballet, you move closer to Covent Garden with your three-year-old daughter, Rose. But your new neighbour turns out to be the last person you'd expect to pop up on your doorstep.

A/N: This chapter, but really this whole fic, has such a specific vibe and I love it?? Like I can relate to a lot of the things I describe, and I don’t know if that’s a me thing, or a British thing, or just a thing. Anyways I’m here for it. And if you’re not British and don’t relate to this fic in the way I do, and you’ve wondered what it’s like to live in Britain, this might give you a rough idea.

The chapter count for this crept up again because I’ve had about two or three more ideas for this. I think now would be a good time to mention that I’m treating this as more of a load of one-shots set in the same verse, rather than a story with a plot. That’s why it will start to seem more like a series of vignettes, not as a storyline.

As always, I hope you’re all doing okay with everything that’s going on, and I hope to have another update for you all soon. I hope you enjoy!

Warning(s): swearing

Word Count: 3.3k+

Inspiration: Incandescent by @immistermercury on AO3, Outed by @platawnic on Tumblr, Rock Angel by @mirkwoodshewolf on Tumblr, Brian’s Instagram, Modern Times Rock ‘N’ Roll by @rhapso-kei on Tumblr and AO3, this silly lockdown business, the fact that I should have gone to see Queen over two weeks ago but it’s fine

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26

Series Taglist: @banana-tree-freddiemercury @lillycarlyn (darling you didn’t say which taglist so if you want me to put you on the perm one then let me know)

Ask to be on either! Make sure to specify!

You popped your head round the door to the studio and smiled to yourself when you found it void of people. You switched the lights on, the charcoal-grey clouds outside casting a darkness over the Opera House; uncharacteristic for midday, but then it was London, and it was February. You couldn’t expect too much from good old British weather.

It wasn’t often that you had the opportunity of having a studio all to yourself, so when you did, you simply had to make the most of it. The way your timetable for the day had worked out meant that you had a longer lunch break than everyone else, not by much, but fifteen minutes was more than enough time to go over a routine you’d crafted yourself. So, seeing as you could afford to eat later on, and everyone else was either in the canteen or some café in Covent Garden, you decided to book one of the studios for your own use.

You connected your phone to the mostly unused speaker in the corner of the room and quickly found the song. Time was of the essence here, and you were most conscious of that. You lightly ran to the centre of the room, making sure you weren’t facing the wall-length mirror for watching yourself dance made you rather self-conscious, replacing passion with technicality. This dance was your own, you had created it, cradled it, held it oh-so-close to your heart; unlike anything you’d ever done professionally, this dance was all about the enthusiasm and the love with which you danced.

Freddie’s voice rang out through the studio, clear as day and filling each and every particle with the richness of his voice. The singular note was soon accompanied by harmonies and then the familiar piano motif of Somebody To Love. You smiled despite yourself as you began the routine.

You promised yourself that one day you’d perform this to someone, even if it was just Rose. But that day was a long way off yet.

The way you danced was unlike how you had ever done so on stage. You performed with a vivacity that many dancers lost so early on in their careers when they valued the physical quality of their dancing over the raw emotion of it. You considered yourself quite lucky that you hadn’t yet surrendered to that particular temptation.

You considered this song to be a crescendo in and of itself, just building and building as its many layers unfolded. You’d made sure that this was reflected in the choreography. Each section was grander a more extravagant than the last. You quite liked the simultaneous challenge and familiarity of it; it made for a good dance to return to when you found your head overflowing with your thoughts and anxieties. You made more and more use of the space as the song progressed, like you were contained by an invisible circle that gradually grew.

When the third verse came around, and Freddie’s voice temporarily faded into silence, fooling the nonchalant listener into thinking it was the end, you had a second to pause. You used it to inhale deeply before starting the fouettés that accompanied the acapella. One, then another, then another, more, more, more until you genuinely thought you were going to fall over. You persevered, however, pushing through all forty of the turns, and even though by the end you wanted nothing more than to lay on the ground and watch the world spin, you couldn’t stop yourself from beaming because holy shit you’d never done them all before. You shook off the feeling, allowing yourself to revel in it later; right now, you had the rest of the dance to get through.

You breezed through the rest of it, the highest jeté seeming insignificant compared to the dizzying hell you’d just put yourself through. When everything quietened down once again, and Freddie faded back into his falsetto, you came to a still in the centre of the ‘stage’, going up on pointe and gradually raising one leg into the air so that it was parallel to your upper body and then to your face. When the music kicked in again, you dropped it back down and returned to your original flow. With the last tiny piano chord of the song, you did a cheeky little jump with the biggest grin on your face, before curtseying to your non-existent audience.

Or so you thought.

A slow clap sounded from the doorway and you whirled round to look at the intruder, blushing furiously with the embarrassment of being seen without knowing. Your smile made a comeback, however, when you recognised the face.

“Wow, that really was something, (Y/N),” Brian whistled, “I’m impressed, truly.”

“Thank you,” you ducked your head, panting heavily. Your muscles screamed with exhaustion, and even though you wanted to just lay down and maybe have a nap, you stayed strong, refusing to appear rude to Brian.

Somehow, he seemed to read your mind, “You can sit down, you must be knackered. Don’t mind me.”

You smiled at him gratefully before sinking down in the corner of the studio next to your bag and grabbing your water bottle with desperation. You gestured to the spot next to you which he took gladly. “How much of that did you see?”

“Pretty much all of it,” he laughed, “I was about pop in for a chat but I saw you put the song on, and I thought I might as well watch.”

“Gosh,” you muttered, beginning to take off your pointe shoes to relieve your aching feet. You’d had back-to-back classes all morning and doing a routine such as that one after all of that just didn’t help.

“I didn’t know you guys danced to non-classical music,” he said.

You managed to get one shoe off, and you started on the other one, wrinkling your nose at the quite frankly disgusting smell that Brian was politely showing no reaction to, “We don’t. Well, I haven’t heard of it anyway. Even if people did somewhere, it would be an awfully long time before the Royal started doing it.”

He shot you a confused look, “Then how…”

“It’s my dance. I choreographed it a while back,” you shrugged, not really understanding what the big deal was, “That’s probably the best run I’ve done of it.”

“Wow, I,” he ran a hand through his hair, “That looked like something from an actual ballet.”

You ducked your head again with the kind of embarrassed pride that comes with compliments, “Thanks, Brian, that means a lot. I only made it a while ago. I,” you laughed self-deprecatingly before saying, “I’d just done quite possibly the worst audition of my life, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how shit it was. So, I just freestyled to some of my favourite songs and that happened.”

“You just made that up?” he asked incredulously.

“It wasn’t nearly as good as it was just then. I’ve been working on it for months until it became what you just watched. It’s been my little side project,” you mused, shoving your phone and both of your pointe shoes into your ballet bag. You poked your head up and peered through the huge window on the opposite wall, cringing at the heavy rain and how that wasn’t a good mix with the non-waterproof trainers you were now putting on, “Oh, shit, I thought it wasn’t going to rain until later. I don’t think I packed my umbrella,” you said, forgetting about your shoes for a second and rifling through your bag.

Brian placed a hand on your arm, “Relax, I have one, we’ll just have to share, if that’s alright with you?”

“Thanks,” you looked at him gratefully before returning to doing your laces.

“Where are you going anyway? You haven’t finished work already, have you?”

“Oh, I wish,” you laughed sadly. You did love your job, but today was just one of those days where you had no energy and just wanted to cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a box of Quality Street chocolates all to yourself and binge watch Miranda on Netflix. “No, I didn’t bring any lunch with me, so I thought I’d have a look and see which cafes have free tables. You’re more than welcome to join me if you want.”

About five minutes later, you found yourself running through Covent Garden Market while it was hammering it down with rain, sharing an umbrella with Brian that was way too small for the both of you. You were trying your hardest not to slip on the shining cobblestones beneath your feet, while also trying not to knock into any other pedestrians who, like you, were also running for cover. It wasn’t long until you reached your destination, a café that was a favourite haunt of yourself and Rose. It served at Rose’s Friday treat after she had finished preschool for the day, when the weather wasn’t too good and you couldn’t go to the playground in St James’s Park. You also frequented it on bank holiday weekends or half-terms where you’d been in the flat for three days straight and were in desperate need of some fresh air but had absolutely nothing to do.

You held the door open for Brian, hearing the little bell ring when it came into contact with the door, and you grabbed the umbrella from him as he entered. You shook it rather aggressively outside and popped it into the bucket next to you, filled to the brim with the umbrella of fellow patrons who unluckily got caught in the rain and had dived into the nearest establishment for sanctuary. You made your way to the only free table left while Brian queued up to order your food and drinks.

This wasn’t actually the first time you two had done this, though it was the third. The first time had been rather awkward, as from the second you put your shoes on to leave to the second you said goodbye, you were both repeatedly stopped by people wanting to talk to Brian. And even though neither of you ever complained, you had later admitted to each other that you had found it rather annoying. The second time wasn’t as bad, though at one point you had been stopped by a guy from some tabloid you’d never heard of asking for an interview. Much to your amusement, and Brian’s embarrassment, the guy had actually been looking to talk to you instead of him. You’d politely declined, offering to do it another time, but as soon as you’d sat down to eat, you teased Brian mercilessly about it, and still did every now and then. All it took was for you to say Brian look I’m more famous than you for him to blush furiously and ask you to please change the subject. Considering this was the third time now, the initial shock of oh my God I’m just casually having lunch with Brian May this is fine had passed. Now it was merely having lunch with a friend. Just that that friend just so happened to be an international icon. No big deal.

You looked up to see Brian making his way over to you, carrying a tray of food, and you smiled when you noticed that he’d remembered from last time when you’d told him what, in your opinion, was the best food this particular café had to offer. He sat down opposite you and plonked the tray down on the table, as you both started to work out who’s food and drink was who’s.

“How’s work been this week?” he opened up the conversation as he stirred his latte that had fake milk in it because I don’t know if their milk is locally sourced, (Y/N)!

“Not too bad, actually,” you said, taking a sip of your own drink and cringing when it scalded your tongue, “We’re just in our last week of rehearsals for The Winter’s Tale right now. Someone got injured on Tuesday, and our first performance is next Tuesday, so that’s not exactly ideal. But we’ll get through it, it’ll be fine, I’m sure,” you shrugged. The show must go on, you supposed. Pun not intended.

“Listen, (Y/N),” he started, his more serious tone intriguing you already, “I need to talk to you about something.”

You nodded slowly, “Okay…” You weren’t all too sure where he was going with this, and it was impossible to tell if the news he was about to impart was good or bad.

“I know this is very sudden, and there’s no guarantee that this will even happen, but I thought I’d ask you first,” he rambled for a moment.

“What, what are you on about?” you laughed impatiently.

He took a deep breath and said, “I have a business proposition for you.”

**************

The after-school pick-me-up was carnage at the best of times, let alone on a Friday which also just so happened to be the last day of half-term. Parents crowding around the doorway, desperate to reunite with their child and careless of who they had to shove out of their way in order to reach them. Children spilled out of the school, arms full of lunch boxes and month-old paintings that were meant to be rainbows and dragons but resembled something similar to an oil spill. Teachers waved goodbye with the odd word to the overly concerned parent, not-so-secretly relieved that their week off was edging closer, and hurrying everyone off because the sooner they left, the sooner half-term started. Something which parents had very split feelings over.

Not for you, however. You were more than happy to get Rose to yourself for the week, finding the flat way too still and silent and void of a child’s laughter for you to find remotely comfortable. And even though half-term would always mean a busy show week for you due to the sheer amount of families desperately needing something to do, you were still grateful for the time you got together. That may or may not be because you had spent the far majority of your adult life being a parent, but you weren’t complaining.

As per usual, you heard Rose’s shout long before you saw her face, but you decided that you wouldn’t have it any other way when you saw her run straight towards, “Mummy!”

You crouched down and hugged her tightly when she collided into your arms, almost overbalancing from the sheer force of it, “Hello, darling, did you have a good day?”

She pulled away and grinned at you, “Yeah! We had a dance party and we played games and we played musical chairs and I won and I got some chocolate!”

“Oh, wow, that’s really good Rose, well done you,” you bopped her nose and turned to the things she was holding, “What’s all this?”

She thrust a piece of sugar paper under your nose, “I did a glitter painting yesterday and it’s dry now! It has every colour in the whole world!”

You took it from her and looked at it, pretending to inspect it like a pretentious artist and putting on the poshest voice possible, “Well, I do think it’s rather splendid, if I do say so myself. Absolutely spiffing.”

She dissolved into giggles, “Mummy, you’re silly.”

You gasped in mock offence as you took her hand and started to lead her out of the crowd, “Excuse me, I’m not silly! I’m a very serious grown-up, don’t you know?”

“I don’t want to be a grown-up! Grown-ups are boring. I want to be little forever and ever and ever.”

“I’m a grown-up, do you think I’m boring?” you asked.

“Only sometimes,” she said very seriously, “Only when you talk about boring grown-up stuff.”

You chuckled slightly, “What about Rog and Bri? Are they boring?”

She laughed again as if you’d just said the funniest thing she’d heard all day, “No! They’re fun because they give me ice cream and they think of really good games,” she paused for a second, “Mummy, are we going to the park today?”

“Well, it is Friday so if you want to go then we’ll go. It is a very sunny day today,” you said, frowning when you noticed Rose’s face, “What’s up, sweetheart?”

She pouted as if deep in thought, “I don’t think I want to go today.”

“It’s perfectly alright if you don’t want to, darling. It’s half-term next week so we can always go another day,” you assured her, “Why don’t you want to go?”

“I feel a bit tired,” she said sheepishly, “I don’t want to fall asleep on the swings and fall off!”

“Oh, baby,” you said, heart swelling with the simultaneous silliness and adorableness of her logic, “I’d catch you before you fall, don’t worry. But we can go home if you want. We’ll find something else for your Friday treat.”

Her eyes lit up, “Can we have cookies? The nice ones with the big chocolate bits?”

“Good idea, darling, we can have cookies,” you did a quick mental run-through of what your biscuit tin was looking like at the moment and said, “I don’t think we have any of those ones at home so we’ll stop off at the bakery on the way home.”

“Yay!” she squealed before singing, “We’re having cookies! We’re having cookies!”

Rose spent the entire journey home singing that song, and even though you wanted nothing more than to never hear that tune again, you wouldn’t dare burst her bubble of joy. Besides, you didn’t think you could tell her to stop if you tried; she really was that cute. Or maybe you just told yourself that, so you didn’t feel like a terrible parent. You guessed you would never know. At least the lady who worked at the bakery found it endearing that a child could be that excited for something as relatively simple as cookies.

By the time you’d shoved the key in the door and the two of you had spilled into your flat, it was around half past four and Rose was positively exhausted, despite her best attempts to look and sound awake. You’d decided to have the cookies with some milk you’d warm up once you’d sorted out Rose’s stuff and gotten her changed from her long day at preschool. Then you just supposed you’d have some cuddles, and, with any luck, she’d fall asleep because the poor girl really needed it.

You put the radio on in the background before snuggling down on the sofa with her comfortably in your lap and your favourite honey-golden blanket draped over the both of you.

“I love you, Mummy,” she murmured against your chest before nibbling on the cookie that was bigger than her hand.

“I love you too, baby,” you said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and feeling her snuggle in more, as if that was even possible. You suddenly remembered your lunch with Brian, and the news you needed to impart, “I had lunch with Bri today,” you started, feeling her nod and carrying on, “He had a very cool idea, darling.”

“What was it?” she whispered, large, curious eyes looking up at you.

“He asked me if I wanted to work on a film, and I said yes,” you smiled, watching her face light up with the muted excitement that was usually paired with some element of confusion.

“A film? Is it a big film? Like Tangled?” she asked, suddenly much livelier than before.

“Yes, sweetheart, a bit like Tangled, except there’s going to be real people in it instead of animated people,” you explained.

“What’s the film about?” she was getting more curious by the second and it just made your heart leap with pride.

“It’s about the band that Rog and Bri are in, darling. It’s the story of how they got famous,” you grinned.

“Who are you in it?”

“Ooooooh, I couldn’t possibly tell you that yet, I’ve got to keep it a secret,” you said judiciously, smiling when she pouted at you, “I’ll tell you another day, sweetheart, don’t you worry.”

“Promise?” she asked hopefully.

You brought her into a hug again and whispered, “Promise.”

#ballet #royal ballet #queen band #ballet au #roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor imagine #Brian May #brian may imagine #brian may x reader #Queen #queen x reader #queen x reader platonic #queen imagine

[liechi]

/please/ tell me everything abt your college drama patho AU, I would absolutely delighted to hear all abt if possible :)

OHHH MY GOODNESS IM SO HONORED SOMEONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT IT ;__; I WASNT EXPECTING THIS WAHFHGH this is kinda silly but its the first au ive actually come up with myself.. im very much one of those “creative” types who can draw but cant write or come up with stories for SHIT so :’3c thank u for asking..

i ended up writing quite a lot so i will stash it all under the cut ^__^ but here is a group pic i did of the four main players ahhhh umm this art is QUITE old so dont look too hard lmfao but here are the lads!

so the play they are doing is hamlet because 1. play within a play..... 2. the main plot of this au is whether daniil or artemy will ultimately be cast as the lead role and i love to overthink about how both of them are fitting for the part in their own unique way o_o obviously daniil is aesthetically VERY fitting with all the dark emo brooding yet witty energy we love to see. artemy... well has a dead father etc etc but more than that i think a lot of hamlet’s philosophies are very applicable to him!!

the line i included in the caption of my art (“there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy”) is actually spoken by hamlet to horatio. here “philosophy” means science or learning in general. so hamlet’s acknowledgement of the limitations of the human mind, as well as his acceptance of it and the existence of unexplainable phenomena of the heavens and earth.. well i think all of that really lends itself to a strong argument for artemy to be considered for hamlet as well!! and thats just one example n_n

here are daniil and artemy’s bios (i havent made a proper illustration for them yet im sorry boys T_T)

daniil (21)

major: theater minor: ??? (past minors: biology, chemistry, anthropology)

hes an absolute prodigy. his acting style is deliberate and methodical. he places extreme importance on following the “old masters’” techniques and styles. often cast in melancholic roles and he himself prefers tragic drama.

he’s taken lessons his whole life and devotes most of his spare time to bettering himself with practice and improving his technique, both with the club and on his own (sometimes with eva n_n)

regarded as the natural choice for this season’s lead, until artemy shows up and proves worthy competition. cue the instant “rivalry” (instigated entirely by daniil)

despite his ego and mercurial temper, he rarely causes trouble for directors or fellow actors. at the end of the day he really just wants to be able to say he gave a successful performance

a life-long learner; cannot settle on a minor if his life depended on it

artemy (20)

major: dance, w/ focus on traditional russian styles minor: childhood studies

not originally interested in acting, he joined the theater club for various half-hearted reasons (to gain more performance experience, to have a more grounded routine, to make friends…?)

extraordinary innate acting ability. quickly recognized for his spectacular natural talent and, notably, improvisation skills.

he’s pretty amused by daniil and the sincerity of his rivalry and various antics in the club (which usually involve andrey). he’s not so competitive himself, but not so meek that he would simply forfeit the lead to daniil.

you wouldn’t hear him admit it but he’s gradually become genuinely invested in the club and theater/drama in general

^again sorry for the wall of text OTL.. anyway here are the bios i did for the stamatins!! AGAIN THE ART COULD BE A LLLLOOOT BETTER but the info is pretty much all there :D

and here is a more recent little pic i did for eva and yulia!! n_n

you know the chris fleming bit where he describes the line between being a theater student and an engineering student as “a nasty netherspace filled with sinister characters with confounding agendas.” LOVE that for yulia.

lara is also in this au she and mark are in charge of the costumes n_n clara is like a middle schooler who keeps showing up to watch their auditions and criticize them from the audience and nobody knows how she keeps getting in. the kains are like the wealthy alumni benefactors/sponsors who keep the theater program afloat. little vlad is the one greasy kid in stage crew that nobody likes

im still thinking of what i want to do with aglaya, anna angel, rubin, etc. but they are all definitely there :3c

#pathologic #college drama au #long post #text heavy #THANK YOU!! YAY!!!!!!! #lace-laden

[princessofguineapigs]

A Straight Line to You | Harry Holland Chapter 1

What person is this? First? Second? Third? Who knows? Prepare to know some of Y/N’s thoughts and some of Harry’s. But I’m still telling the story to you about you so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, I’m taking suggestions for how this story should progress.

University AU

The sound of voices singing let you know that you were getting close to the choir room at last. You kept getting lost in this large university building. All the buildings on campus were hard to navigate, but the music building was a true labyrinth.

You reached the doors of the classroom and tried to slide in discreetly, slowly shutting them behind you to keep from making noise. With the cacophony of voices, you don’t think anyone heard you come in. Certainly, no one saw you. You were used to being invisible.

You slipped in at the middle row of sopranos. The choir never stopped their song, even as you pulled out the packet of music you received the day prior. Being a transfer student, you weren’t sure of the protocol, but you were quick to identify which song they were on and began sight reading the music and singing softly. Thank god it was a song without many accidentals.

When the song finished, the director cleared his throat. 

“As you all know, in a few months, it will be time for our winter concert. This year’s performance has the potential to be a great one, especially with the orchestra accompanying us,” he said.

There were a few twitters of excitement in the group.

He continued on, “That’s why, I want to start the audition process for the Laudate Dominum solo next week. Any of you who wish to have a shot should start preparing. Now, let’s get back to it.”

With a nod to the pianist, the class went on to the next song.

*

Harry noticed her right away. The choir crescendoed in unison right before she entered the room, but the second she walked through the door, Harry’s voice faltered and all he heard was deafening silence. Everyone around him continued with the song, but it was as if all his senses left him except his sight. The miraculous vision before him was lovelier than any girl he’d seen before.

He craned his neck and watched this angel make her way unobtrusively to the other side of the risers. He knew then that he had to hear her sing. But there were too many voices for him to ever make out her voice like this.

When Dr. Cieber announced the solo audition, he prayed she would try out. He told himself he would introduce himself to her, so he spent the rest of rehearsal gathering the courage.

When it ended, Harry gathered up his things and strode over to her.

“Hey,” he said, lamely, kicking himself. Damn. He didn’t have a line. He didn’t even know what to say. He was so not smooth.

You felt surprised that someone was talking to you. You were notoriously shy and didn’t know why this super attractive guy had come over to you. Nervous, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

You didn’t know why your heart was suddenly thumping out of your chest.

“I’m Harry,” he said, tucking his hands into his jean pockets. He was wearing a red jumper that made his ginger curls look even redder.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, still feeling unsure.

“I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself.

“Are you...are you new?” he asked. He seemed nervous too. And so adorable. Wait, what? 

“Yeah, I’m a transfer,” you answered.

“I’m glad you joined choir,” Harry said, “What class have you got next?”

“Chemistry, it’s my last class of the day.”

“Hey, that’s great. My next class is in the same building. I can walk you there,” said Harry, “ y’know, if you want,” he amended shyly.

You’d gotten lost so many times today, you decided to take him up on it. Plus, you wanted to get to know at least one person at this school.

You put your bag over your shoulder and Harry picked up the books you’d been carrying that didn’t fit.

“You don’t have to do that,” you protested. You weren’t used to people doing things for you.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I let you carry these heavy things yourself?”

You smiled gratefully.

“Let’s go then,” you said.

*

The next day, you were on your way to morning classes when you got a text from Harry. You had exchanged numbers after he walked you to class. When you read it you got butterflies.

Harry had asked you to meet up for lunch. Your morning was a blur of note-taking as your mind reeled ahead to when you’d see him next. Ugh, you had it bad and you’d only known him for a day.

When you reached the cafeteria, Harry was waiting for you.

“Let’s grab a table,” he said. In an old-fashioned gesture, he pulled out a chair for you.

“How have your first few classes been?” he asked.

“It’s beginning to shape into a tough workload already,” you laughed, “but I think I can handle it. I always liked school when I was a kid.”

“Nerd,” he quipped.

“And you’re not?” you cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, I’m not the smartest of my brothers,” responded.

“Your brothers? How many?”

“There’s four of us,” Harry said, “My younger brother Paddy, my twin Sam, and my older brother Tom.”

“So who is the smartest?”

Harry thought for a moment, “Sam.” he decided.

“So you’re saying you’re the stupid twin?” you joked.

“Hey, that’s not what I said!” Harry shouted a bit too loudly, but there was a smile on his face.

“So, do you think you’ll go out for the choir solo?” Harry asked, changing the subject.

You nearly spit out your tea. Where had that question come from?

“I don’t think so. I’m not confident enough to sing a solo,” you answered.

“Aw, I’m sure you sing beautifully. You’re so pretty with a speaking voice to match. I bet your singing voice is just as lovely.”

You blushed all the way to your ears. Meanwhile, Harry couldn’t believe he’d said that out loud.

As you and Harry talked, you found yourself staring into his eyes more. His irises were unusually detailed. They were brown and warm, but like a thick molasses with flecks of light caught in it.

Eventually, you did have to leave. This time, your classes weren’t in the same building. Harry offered to walk you anyway, but you declined. You didn’t want to make him late for this own class.

*

With your red jacket zipped up tight against the wind, you made your way back to your dorm, bag over your shoulder and books in hand. As you walked alone, you thought to yourself that you should probably make an effort to get to know some other people. Maybe some other girls.

You had seen a flyer for a forensic science study group. You could use some study partners and the girls in your class seemed nice. Maybe it would be fun. You had an hour to decide. In either case, you wanted to freshen up in your room first. 

Once you were ready (you had settled on going) you took a deep breath. You could do this. There was nothing to worry about. Just a study group. No big deal. You might even make a friend. Plus you needed to think about something other than Harry. You’d see him tomorrow at choir.

*

At the study session, you were greeted by a girl you recognized sat in the front row of your class.

“Hey, Y/N, right?” she beamed at you.

“Yeah, and you’re Briana?”

She nodded.

“We just got started. No one wants to study alone,” she said.

You sat down with the other girls.

“I’ve been so lost on this assignment,” you admitted.

“Let me take a look at what you’ve done so far,” Briana said. She skimmed over your work and the notes that accompanied it.

“I think we can work through this together,” said announced. 

You felt relieved. She was being so nice.

After a few hours of homework and studying, the conversation dissolved into girl talk.

“I know you’ve only been on campus for a few days, but tell me, have you spotted any guys you’re interested in,” Briana questioned.

It was a bit nosy, but you hadn’t had anyone to talk to about your love life in a long time. Plus you felt like you could trust her.

“Well, there’s a guy I met the other day. I know it’s early, but I think I’m falling for him,” you said quietly.

“Oooo, what’s he like?”

You sighed, “He’s like a dream, honestly. He’s the first person I met here and we connected so easily. I feel at peace when I’m with him, though I’ve only known him two days.”

Briana giggled, “What’s his name?”

You shook your head, “Sorry, not today. I’m not sure I want to tell people yet. I don’t want him to know.”

“Aw, I won’t tell,” she pouted.

You stood up, “I should get back to my dorm.”

“See you in class!” Briana yelled after you.

The moonlight cast shadows on the walkway as you scurried through the dark streets. You had no reason to feel unsafe, but you were paranoid anyway. The stars sparkled brightly above you. It could have been a romantic walk if you had someone to walk with. 

Just then you paused. Were there footsteps behind you? Surely not. You were almost to the end of the street where you needed to turn. Your dorm was at the beginning of the next one.

You glanced back. You didn’t see anyone behind you. You must have imagined it. Taking faster steps now, you carried on. Your own footsteps were light. The ones in your imagination were heavy. Funny, how our minds could do that.

You moved to round the corner. And time slowed down. Hands grabbed you from behind and you screamed as you were dragged backwards. You could feel your sneakers scraping helplessly over the pavement. You twisted and struggled against the arms. You felt the hardness of the back of your head smacking into something brick or stone. Your vision blurred and you felt darkness take over your senses.

End of Chapter 1

#harry holland

[moonlightstars16]

A Brief Moment

It was the stereotypical Sporty Jock falls for the Nerdy Girl. Well sort of.

Steven Universe transferred at the beginning of the school year. While he wore varsity jackets and was on the baseball team, he normally just kept to himself. Was a friendly towards others? Definitely so. However after a certain incident involving a family secret, he became more cautious with who he allowed into his life. Even had meetings with the school counselor on occasion during his 'Study Hall'. Just to help keep him 'stable' from the haunting memories and traumatic experiences he went through. Though a lot was vague, these conversations helped him get out of his head. Soon he hardly had a need for it.

Connie Maheswaren was intelligent and excelled in all her classes. In fact she was not just intelligent but also athletic. In her own sort of way. Taking private fencing classes her parents signed her up for. She was a bit shy, but knew when to reach out and be there for others. Even if they were just strangers. Her compassion overflowed. However she also had a tendency to be a bit sassy when certain situations appeared. Just because she was a female, doesn't mean she was going to be treated like some 'toy'. It also helped to ignore the comments when she was so focused on a good book. Reading was more of an escape or a hobby. It was her life.

One day they met during theater class, a requirement for a passing grade. Connie assumed her role was apart of the tech crew. She knew her way around these things and thought it would've come in handy. However, when she landed the 'mysterious club singer' role in her audition(it was a play but had a couple numbers involved during the production), she was surprised beyond belief. She didn't even sing. Although the majority of this was purely in conversations so it was not impossible. Not the leading lady in it of itself but an important one none the less. Steven had landed the leading male role of course he fit the role perfectly. He seemed to be equally surprised but rolled with it naturally.

At one point he had come up to her after the class and asked for her help memorizing his lines. Connie had a small reputation for memorizing things in less than minutes. So it was only a matter of time before he asked. However he was new there and she understood the feeling of being 'a fish out of water'. Agreeing to help they met every day after school to work on homework and the play. During the time they grew closer and closer. Becoming friends much faster than the speed of light....well perhaps a bit less with a sort of rocky start. Still they became each others 'besties' and it was amazing.

Even having nicknames for each other. 'Biscuit', for Steven and 'Strawberry', for Connie. That was the snack they devoured on there first study session. It was a long day for them both and each were starved by the days end. After exchanging numbers and shared experiences with many of each others interests it became clear that the two were inseparable. Steven in return for her tutoring, helped her practice the song for the production. Connie was a bit nervous to sing around him, well anybody really. However she soon relaxed into it and even was surprised with how okay she sounded. Though Steven insisted she had an angelic voice.

The night of the production came and he gave her a quick squeeze of the hand three times for good luck before heading out onstage for his cue. Connie just breathed and cleared her mind and focused on becoming the character and leaving her old self behind for a moment. Just like in the rehearsals and private study sessions. To say the entire audience was captivated by her performance and his in the scene they shared together, was an understatement. Connie poured her all into the song and the scene. It truly felt like Steven's character was her 'Only Hope' in that moment. Or maybe it was the real Steven after all. Once she sat back down and finished her number, Connie wasn't expecting what happened next. Steven leaned over and gently pressed his lips onto hers.

That wasn't apart of the original script.

Improvisation works but this was completely by surprise. In fact they curtain came down ending the scene after the fact(was going to come down anyway after her song finished). Leaving them both staring at each other briefly. Utterly speechless as the darkness of the absent spotlight appeared. After that it was a bit awkward. Though not terrible. A small smile spread across her face moments after the kiss. Letting them both know that the feeling was mutual though a bit taken aback at the moment.

They agreed to sneak away from the cast party later that night to talk about it more. Connie went to change out of her beautiful costume into a long flowy skirt and beautiful blouse with a long sweater. A pair of black ballet flats were heavenly once out of those awful heels. Her hair was curled and came down just below the shoulders for her character and she decided to leave it as is. Just like her makeup. It was a tab more dramatic than normal but it was the theater and she didn't care. The party was in the gym and as she stepped out into the halls she was greeted with applause and flowers. But all that was all on her mind was the kiss. It made her a bit twitterpated from the moments so she didn't mind the attention that was given.

Until she entered the gymnasium. Everyone had eyes on her and she was confused as to why they were all looking at her and snickering. The confusion replaced her previous emotion as her gut told her something was off. One of her cast mates who seemed sad and looked with empathy, hesitantly pointed to the projector and what was being displayed on one huge side of the room. Connie turned and instantly everything around her seemed to stop. Her breathing became more jagged and her heart pounded in her ears.

Someone decided to use a dress rehearsal photo of her in all her makeup and hair. Photo shopping it onto a picture of a very scandalous woman showing off way more than the average swimsuit model. on the side it had a question in bold print. "Virgin Mary?" A nickname they used to tease her about being a 'goody-goody'. Now weighed more of an insult to her. It struck her right in the gut as she felt the tears gather in her eyes and the roaring laughter's deafening her ears. Gulping she raced out of the room as quick as she could. Tears blinded her so much that she didn't realize she bumped into Steven. Until she felt his familiar embrace and his calming voice.

"Woah! Woah, woah, hey..." Holding her shoulders and rubbing her arms gently he leaned closer to wipe the tears from her eyes. "What happened?" All Connie could do was shake her head and point to the gym. Covering her face as the utter shame she felt set in. Steven looked over her shoulder through the window and gasped at what he saw. Giving her a comforting squeeze on her shoulders he let go and slightly rushed into the gym. Connie walked afterwords and stopped right outside the door.

Seeing everything that happened through the windows. Steven punched a guy, named Kevin who apparently was behind all this, right into the tables and then turned off the projector. Destroying it in the process as the one girl, who gestured about the picture to Connie, gave Steven Kevin's laptop. Which he deleted the picture from existence before crushing the laptop in a sphere of sorts. Connie's hand went over her mouth for a moment as he walked back towards her and held a hand out for her own.

He took them to where the director and principal was before explaining everything. Steven being his honest self confessed what he had done. Connie waited outside after his confession, telling them all she needed some air. However being in the halls, feeling completely exposed as she walked towards a more secluded bathroom in the backstage theater. Looking at the mirror her face was truly messed up from her crying. Makeup smeared all over as her hair was a bit more humid looking since she didn't use that much hairspray.

Using some makeup wipe and face wash she removed all her makeup and cleaned herself up. But as she dried her skin, her eyes landed on her true self. The image of herself flashed through her mind. Was this how they thought of her truly? Even so it still hurt and she found herself gripping the skin, slowly kneeling to the ground as she bent over in shame. One hand gripping her arm the other trying to wipe away the tears that just kept coming.

It felt like hours as she sat there in the bathroom light. Crying her eyes out. That is until she felt once more the familiar pair of arms holding her close. Pulling her into an embrace as one hand stroked her hair and the other around her waist. They stayed like that until her sobs became nothing more than slightly hiccups and shaky breathing. Though she assumed it was from the dehydration she was slowly feeling. Steven handed her a water bottle since he figured she would need it. Connie couldn't even look at him yet. Or anybody after this entire ordeal. And just thirty minutes prior she was feeling amazing and in high spirits. Not she felt the rocks on the lowest she felt she could be at the moment.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered softly as she nodded in agreement. Helping her to her feet, he kept his arm around her and her hand in his free one. Quickly taking her in his Dondai supremo and playing calming music to help ease the tension. He drove her to his home, far away from the town and of course the school. Explaining what happened. How Kevin got everyone in on this awful idea of a prank. They were going to punish him greatly for it. And how he himself got suspended for a day for the punch and destroying of another persons property. "I don't care if they expelled me."

"Steven" Connie spoke up a bit softly than usual. He might not care but she did.

"Connie I would much rather know you are okay than my own education. Sure I will pay for the actions later but I would not ever change a thing." Pulling up into the driveway he turned the Dondai off and turned a bit more to face her. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Don't leave me alone...please..." Connie finally looked him in the eye after a brief moment of silence. Her voice a bit louder than before. "I-...I don't want to be alone right now..." Steven smiled, reaching out and gently caressed her cheek.

"I won't leave you alone. ...Not unless you want to be later." Connie nodded with a soft smile before feeling all the emotions rise within her and holding a hand over her mouth to keep from crying all over. Steven stepped out of the car and rushed to her side. Helping her down the Dondai steps before carrying her in his arms. All the way up to his home loft where the roof retracted so they could see the stars. Blankets, snacks, waters and hot coco(currently after he set her down on the couch bed). Both of them cuddled under the stars.

"How long?"

"How long what, Strawberry?"

"How long have you felt this way...for me." That last part she spoke a bit more softly.

"You still want to talk about it?"

"I rather keep my mind focused on other things right now... But even so, I do want to know."

"Okay.... I knew when we first began your voice lessons."

"So it was my voice?"

"Oh no- well it's part of it but it was because of your smile. You just seemed so happy with everything and so passionate in all that we discussed. I've never seen you so excited like that before. So full of happiness.... That's how it began. The more I saw of you being happy...the more I got to know the real you... I just... fell." They let his words sink in as the stars twinkled across the night sky.

"Steven...oh my gosh..." Connie exclaimed with a small giggle.

"There's the laugh I love to hear." He whispered kissed her forehead gently. Her head resting upon his chest as his arm secured her in his embrace.

"I figure you want to know how I feel?"

"Well I can wait till your ready."

"Well what if I told you that I am because I feel the same way. Except I-...I kinda need to confess this one thing before I do."

"Oh?"

"I kinda had a crush on you ever since I saw your audition. Also how you encourage the one before and after you during said time." She sighed and looked into his eyes. "Your friendly but in a way no one else can ever recreate. There's your own unique flair in every kind action you give. Never once did I see your pride or arrogance take over who you are. You are the real you... I love getting to know you as well."

"Ah... so that smile was a victory in the back of your mind?"

"I suppose you can call it that." They laughed briefly before sharing a moment of silence. "Steven...I-... There is not enough words to express how much I really am great full for everything you did tonight. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't-..." She could've even finish the thought as he held her tighter and she gripped onto him in the same fashion.

"Connie, I would do anything for you. I'm glad we became friends and....more..."

"So would I, I'm happy your in my life and our relationship we share. Can I stay with you for the night...please..."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." They talked more into the night until a certain question pulled them into the new reality, both realizing they now get to live together in.

So can I officially call you boyfriend Biscuit Steven?"

"As long as you allow me to call you girlfriend Strawberry Connie." They laughed once more at the cringe they both participated in. But the implications did not go unnoticed. Though the night was shadowed by the horrible event from earlier, their happiness for one another comforted them like the warm blanket they laid under. Falling asleep in each others loving embrace. Enjoying the moment of right now and for the happy days to come.

#connverse #connverse one shot #steven universe #steven universe future #steven and connie #stevenxconnie #connie maheswaran

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Heathers | Sweet Pea

A/N: As I said, I was rewriting Riverdale’s Heathers episode with focus on Sweet Pea and Reader as JD and Veronica Sawyer, and the rehearsals for the musical rather than everything around it (and if it’s the drama around it, it’s drama between Sweet Pea and Y/N).  We’ve been robbed of the masterpiece that is Sweet Pea singing Meant To Be Yours. I mean??? That song is amazing in both the off-Broadway and the West End prodcution and Sweet Pea would’ve looked SO HOT singing it and going all completely mental!  I did add some characters as friends of Y/N that are part of the musical too since I wanted an appropriate character to play Martha other than Toni (????) who really does not fit the role of Martha Dunnstock.  So, I think it’s going to be a six parter and I’ll try to upload one every night at 7pm. (can’t promise anything though)  Lemme know if I need to make a taglist and who to put on it! :)  Enjoy, kiddos! 

Words: 1711

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Y/N

Warnings: cursing, angst

Act one: Freeze Your Brain 

Every year we do a different musical at Riverdale High. Last year, we did Carrie, but this year, we’re doing my favorite musical ever: Heathers. If Cheryl Blossom hadn’t claimed the role of Heather Chandler, I would’ve auditioned for it. Mainly so I could yell ‘Shut up, Heather!’ at pretty much any given moment. But I did get the role of Veronica Sawyer which is kind of a more important role than Heather Chandler. I mean, Heather does die quite early on. “I’ve asked Evelyn to step up as co-director,” Kevin Keller, who always directs the musicals, says at our first day of rehearsals. I liked him as director in last year’s play and I think he and Evelyn will be a good team on this year’s musical too. However, Betty Cooper does not agree with that. “Why don’t we introduce ourselves and the parts we’re playing to get Evelyn up to speed with everything?” Cheryl gets up from her chair, clearly wanting to be the first one to go. “I’m Cheryl Blossom and I’m obviously playing Heather Chandler.” I roll my eyes at her. Being ‘theater-nerd’ means not getting along with the popular kids such as Cheryl Blossom and Betty Cooper. It’s not that I hate them, I just don’t want to be friends with them. I mean, it wouldn’t click between us anyway since all I ever do – according to most jocks – is talk and think and dream of musicals. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they’re assuming I always sing when I speak. Misconceptions about theater kids. “I’m Veronica Lodge, and I play Heather McNamara,” the rich girl with the raven-hair introduces herself. To be honest, Veronica did play Chris in last year’s play and she was honestly amazing. Her voice is to die for. I would ask her to join the drama club, but I’m too scared to. “Betty Cooper, I’m playing the third Heather; Heather Duke.” Then Reggie Mantle clears his throat, clearly wanting to go next, “Reggie, AKA jock Ram Sweeney. Going to bro it up with my bud Arch here. Just two single straight dudes doing some theater.” Once again I have to roll my eyes back at the annoying toxic masculinity-filled jock behind me. “And I play Kurt Kelly,” Archie then says with a small smile. He seems to be annoyed by the antics of his bro. I chuckle at the two boys, earning a glare from them. “You do know Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney are actually fake outed as gay by JD and Veronica, right?” I ask them with an amused smile on my face before turning back to Kevin and Evelyn. “I’m Y/N, and I play the ever so lovely Veronica Sawyer. Outcast, turned Heather, then blowing up my boyfriend.” Margot and Ella, my two best friends from drama club give me a sly grin. They both have the same idea as me; neither one of these guys knows the script yet. “Hi, I’m Sweet Pea,” a guy behind me then says. He’s one of the only Serpents with a vital part in the musical. The other Serpents are part of the ensemble, which is also important. But Sweet Pea’s role is one of the biggest, along with mine. “I play Jason Dean, or JD. Veronica’s bad-boy love interest who apparently blows up?” I turn to look at him and give him a nod that tells him he should believe me when I say Jason Dean gets blown up in the end. My eyes glance down to his neck where his Serpent tattoo prominently decorates his skin. I don’t mind the Serpents as much as the other Northsiders did. I didn’t mind when they transferred to our school whilst others picked on them and nearly got them suspended. I don’t hate them but I’m not friends with them either. I just don’t care. I mind my own business, which is theater most of the time. “I’m Jodie Smiths,” the girl next to Margot says. Jodie is also part of the drama club, but we’re not really great friends. I mean, we tolerate each other, and we do what we’re told when we have to do a scene together. But it’s not like I would invite her for a milkshake at Pop’s after rehearsals. Not like I do with Margot and Ella. “I’m portraying Martha Dunnstock in Heathers.” “Fangs,” another one of the Serpents raising his hand as he speaks up, “Hipster dork.” “Toni,” the girl Serpent then speaks up, “New wave girl.” “I’m Josie,” another Northsider girl goes, “And I’m the republican girl.” “Hi, my name’s Margot and I play the role of Stoner chick.” “And I’m Ella, playing the role of preppy kid.” I give my two best friends a wide smile. I’m proud of both of them for making it into the cast even though most of the popular kids claimed the other roles. A few other Serpents and Northsiders tell Evelyn – and the rest of us – what their role in the ensemble is, but I don’t even listen anymore. I’m too filled up with excitement to get started on my favorite musical ever. And then nerves start kicking in when I think of all the scenes I’ll have to do with Cheryl Blossom, Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, but mostly the ones with Sweet Pea. I have to make out with Sweet Pea. On stage. “Okay, let’s get started on vocal warm-ups and we’ll sing a few songs from the script to get us started,” Kevin suggests as he claps his hands. “Y/N, Margot, Ella and Jodie, why don’t you guide us through vocal warm-ups?” The four of us nod and get up off our chair, urging the others to do the same. We then teach them the sounds we always make during drama class to warm up. “Good!” Kevin then exclaims when we tell him they’re ready. “Let’s start with Beautiful then. Veronica Sawyer, take it away.” I nod and head up the stage, along with the rest. We don’t know any choreography yet, but it’ll be better if we’re up there to sing the songs. “September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year! And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?” That’s how Heathers: the musical always starts, and that’s how this adventure starts too. “And you know, you know, you know Life can be beautiful You hope, you dream, you pray And you get your way! Ask me how it feels Lookin' like hell on wheels... My God, it's beautiful! I might be beautiful... And when you're beautiful... It's a beautiful frickin' day!” I belt out the last note just like Barret Wilbert Weed does on the cast recording of the Broadway show. I feel like Barret Wilbert Weed or any other Broadway actress I’ve looked up to since I was a child. The ensemble belts out their last note too, getting Kevin, Evelyn and Sweet Pea up on their feet and clapping. I’m not entirely sure whether it’s just for me or for the entire cast, but it still gives me a wicked feeling of pride. “Y/N! I was obsessed with everything you put in that performance!” Evelyn exclaims when the clapping had died down. “Damn, girl! I’m so glad we casted you!” I can hear Betty scoff behind me, but I don’t care. All I care about is that they liked what I did with the song. Even though it’s just what I always do in my shower when I sing that song at the top of my lungs. “Yes! And ensemble was good too!” Kevin then adds to give them some compliments too. “Let’s just go in order of songs, so Candy Store next!” he informs, so I get off the stage and grab my water bottle to drink. I just have one line to say, but no singing in this song, sadly enough. I only go back on when Fight For Me is on and stay on for Freeze Your Brain. I hadn’t heard Sweet Pea yet as this song is his first one in the whole show. “I've been through ten high schools They start to get blurry No point planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den” My eyes widen a little when his voice chimes through the auditorium. He has a nice singing voice. Pleasant to listen to. Very soothing. “Care for a hit?” he asks, spoken this time, but still part of the song. It takes me away from my thoughts about how good his voice is. “Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?” I shoot back, and then he goes back into singing. My breath hitches in my throat when his voice grows louder and the notes get higher, but he hits them perfectly. I figured he could sing a bit since he got cast as JD, but I didn’t expect him to be this good. My knees even buckle a little at the way he sings ‘Veronica Sawyer’. All of a sudden, the boy becomes more attractive to me than he already was. I mean, he’s not bad looking, but the fact that he can hit all of those notes makes him twice as attractive. He makes me jump out of my thoughts when his voice grows softer and more vulnerable. “Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...” His eyes meet mine when he goes, “Try it,” in a spoken voice, just like Ryan McCartan who sings it in the off-Broadway version. Then applause bursts from the auditorium, making me jump a little. I had almost forgotten we were still in rehearsals. “Damn, you’re good,” I mumble, and hope he doesn’t hear. But judging from the little smirk that pulls at the corner of his mouth, I think he has. From that moment on, I knew this musical was going to change things in my life. Whether it was making new friends or playing the role of my dreams, it will change everything. 

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