This "ship dynamic" tweet from a few weeks ago you may have seen apparently was Problematic and Upset Many People™, but it gave me many thoughts, and out of both arousal and pure spite I am going to elaborate on former/childhood babysitter dynamic thoughts I had for Ayato/Itto/Xingqiu
//age gap, former babysitter x former kid, implications of childhood crushes on babysitter figures, alcohol consumption
----
When you were taken in to work for the Kamisato estate, it wasn't explicitly to care for their children. You started off as a general maid, but the head of the house at the time quickly recognized that you were fond of his children, and more importantly, that they became very fond of you very quickly. He thought you were nurturing and caring and gentle and all that, so he shifted your primary responsibilities to spending most of your time caring for and watching over his son and daughter.
Both were very well-behaved kids, so it wasn't challenging at all, both were bright and talented too. They were always proud to show off things they learned to you, always wanted you to participate in whatever they did. And they depended on you for comfort to some degree as well; you remember when Ayato was young, he would insist on having you in the room to do any kind of academic examination, for example, claiming your presence alone helped him do better. It was endearing, so you didn't mind.
You still remember those earliest days with great fondness, and you're sure they do too. Of course, there's always a bit of sadness associated with those days as well, seeing as it was when both of their parents were alive and well. It all feels far away now, seems like several years passed in the blink of an eye.
Their parents' deaths forced the two to grow up far too soon, Ayato especially, as if he wasn't already forced to be mature beyond his years from upbringing alone. You felt tremendous pity for him at the time, and you were thus that much more proud to see how he handled the transition and responsibilities so well.
And you, well, you were there in the background, helping everything run smoothly. You wanted to make things as easy as possible for the both of them, so you worked extra hard to ensure that every little need was taken care of. Made sure they always had food ready for whenever they might be hungry, even when it wasn't a mealtime yet. Always had their clothes ready and perfectly straightened out, to help with appearances to visitors. So on and so on.
Time goes by rather quickly. It always seems like just yesterday the two of them were so young, and in no time at all they're all grown. You no longer do the same tasks you once did, seeing as they no longer really need any supervision of course, but you still take care of the same little things, perform some household chores. Really, you move apart from specifically taking care of the two of them and become more of a general house servant, like you were originally hired to be. You see them less and less, spending more of your time taking care of a more broad variety of tasks that need to be done, often even leaving the estate for up to several days at a time to make a necessary trip for this or that.
The two adapt to the change rather differently. Ayaka seems to have no issue accepting that -- it's just a part of life, after all, it's only natural to move on from that early stage in life and become more independent, leaving behind your childhood caretakers.
Her brother, on the other hand... well, it's not that Ayato isn't independent, no, quite the opposite. He single-handedly takes on tasks and responsibilities far beyond those appropriate to his age and experience level, and manages to not just merely get by, but excel in virtually everything he does, all without ever really leaning on anyone for help, or even asking for help. In a way, you pity him for that, you know he's trying not to inconvenience others, and wants to create an image of himself that others will look to as capable and strong, to match up with other important figures of similar status.
He often rejects help, even. Once again, you assume it's something of a matter of pride, wanting to maintain a good image, but he insists on performing tasks by himself, says he wouldn't want to inconvenience others, says that they have more important things to do and dismisses them before they can protest.
Except for yourself. Perhaps it's just a soft spot he has for you, maybe he just can't bring himself to refuse. Most likely, though, you know that it's more that your assistance isn't actually with the tasks themselves, but rather the small things -- bringing him food, retrieving documents when needed (granted, having to get past him insisting several times he'll get it himself first, but he always gives in), and more or less nagging at him to go to bed when you find him still up and hunched over documents in the early hours of the morning.
As for why you still check on him so often and not his sister, though, is because of himself rather than you. At first, you did try to distance yourself, told yourself it was good for their growth and development as individuals that you put some distance between you and them... but in his teen years, he would always come seek you out, several times a day. At first you thought he needed something, but upon being prompted to say what that was, he would shake his head, and merely insist he was just checking on you. Just... just to see how you're doing.
And even then, you assumed it was perhaps a matter of him wanting a break from things, but the fact that he continuously came to find you specifically led you to begin to realize that it was actually a matter of seeing you. Which made sense -- the poor thing probably felt fairly isolated. Being handed such an important role, with such heavy weight to all your decisions, must be intimidating. He was probably seeking you out for comfort, since you were likely the one person he had left that provided a sense of warmth and reassurance, an association with easier and better times in his life. With that, and seeing as you had no real reason not to, you not only allowed it, but took the hint and instead started coming to check on him at regular intervals (although it still didn't stop him from additionally coming to see you sometimes anyway). Granted, he still got older and more confident, not to mention busier, and with that, he needed less and less checking up on.
For a few years, there as a period where you didn't see each other too much. You would check on him once a day or so.
In recent days, though -- with the return to a fairly normal state of affairs in the nation after the recent events -- he became initially far more busy, but as matters calmed down and conflicts came to an end, life seemed to slow down a bit. And a bit to your surprise, he begins to make attempts to, for lack of better words, reconnect with you.
You appreciate that he now always goes out of his way to check on you. Regardless of how busy he is, at least once or twice a day, Ayato comes to seek you out, putting down whatever he is doing at the moment to find you wherever in the estate you may be, whatever task you may be working on, just to ask how you're doing. He asks how the day has been so far, essentially asking for a progress report on the staff as a whole. But you're well aware that several other staff, much higher ranking than yourself, already give him that information several times a day, so it's just an excuse he uses to initiate conversation with you. Then it becomes asking about how you're feeling, if you need any help, to make sure to take a break and not work yourself too hard, and so on. You find it heartwarming that he takes the time to do that, despite having so many responsibilities on his hands.
Thus, you're a bit caught off-guard, one day, when you run into him in the halls, only for him to appear very frustrated. You approach him smiling, but it falls the moment you see the furrow of his eyebrows and narrowed eyes. The moment he sees you, he immediately interrogates you, with an unusual harshness to his voice, on where you've been. He's been looking for you everywhere, he says, and no one else was able to tell him where you were.
You shrink back, eyes wide. Sure, he's grown older and acts as the head of the estate now, but still, he's never treated you in such a commanding, authoritative way. He always seemed to have a sort of respect for you natural for those whom one grows up seeing as an authority figure, like how adults would have for their parents or teachers, a hierarchy etched into the mind that continues well into adulthood. This is just the first time he's ever used that tone on you.
But you reply very quickly, explaining you had gone off to the city proper for an errand and just... well, you didn't think you needed to tell anyone you were going, since it wouldn't take long...
He sees the startled expression on your face, and his own softens. You see the tension leave his body as he calms down, and he gives you a quick apology, saying he had no intention of coming across as so upset, he was just worried about you, following with some small comment about how perhaps he's just stressed from other matters earlier in the day and needs to rest a while, no big deal. He smiles, so you assume he's being honest about his feelings, and he must really just have a lot of responsibilities on his hands at the moment.
But nonetheless, as you tell him it's all fine, give an awkward smile back and excuse yourself and turn to walk away, he adds a quick 'that being said...' and instructs you that, in the future, he does expect you to inform him before you leave. Just for the sake of organizational matters, so he doesn't waste time looking around if you're not on the grounds, and for your own wellbeing. That's not too much to ask, is it?
You find it a bit overbearing, but you're not exactly in a place to be arguing with him or anything, and it's not that big of a deal. Besides, it's in-character for him, seeing as he tends to be very orderly and stresses organization, so you merely smile and reassure him that that's alright with you and promise to abide by this new rule. You more or less forget about the incident by the end of the day.
Until, that is, a similar occurrence happens a second time. This time, though, you swore you didn't actually leave the estate, you were just touching up an area of the building that was infrequently used, and thus only got cleaned every now and then. He has the same expression, you go through the same confrontation, he has that gruff frustration to his voice and only drops it when he sees how bewildered you are. You start to think that perhaps something in particular has him overly stressed recently, and he must just be taking it out on others. You're not angry with him for that, no, if anything you worry for his well-being. He's always been one to take on more than he can handle and refuse any help.
So you go out of your way to see him more often, check on him more, show general support. He seems appreciative. The first few times you come in and bring him extra little things -- some of his favorite food you made, an extra ink pot for writing just in case he needs one, little thoughtful things -- at first he looks at you with wide eyes, as if surprised by the gesture. But he smiles, always thanks you. You're glad you can be there for him, even now that he's all grown up... You want to support him as much as you can before you retire, of course.
Which is, obviously, something that you'll have to do someday. Being a maid is a strenuous job, usually taken on by young unmarried women who work a few years and then quit and transition to more sedentary, less taxing jobs once they get older. You've been here for years now, it's probably time to move on soon enough. The more time goes by, the more and more you've been contemplating it, looking into moving elsewhere for another job that would allow you more free time and to move back closer to your home and family. Having the fact that you worked for such a prestigious family as a point on your resume, it's not at all difficult to quickly find offers. You just have to break the news to Ayato himself. It'll be bittersweet, of course, but that's just life... and surely he understands that.
You still feel a little awkward when you finally go to tell him about it. You preface your revelation by saying you've been here many years now, and you've made enough money that you're looking to just more or less retire somewhere, work only a few short hours at some small job, and --
But he's incredibly dismissive. Oh, is that all? He laughs a bit, says you were avoiding getting to the point so much he was worried you had bad news or something. Ah, well, don't worry about that. Just work less hours and continue staying here. He'll even pay you the same. No worries. There, the matter is taken care of. You can be so adorable sometimes, making such a big deal out of a nonissue.
You hesitate, swallow, and reiterate that you want to move on. You want to move back to where you were from and all that.
He's quiet for a moment. There's a coldness in his expression that makes you uneasy. But it quickly disappears as he smiles, chuckles, both unmistakeably forced, a subtle sense of threat to them.
Surely there must be some other reason, yes?
He seems to refuse to believe you, continues to try and pry some other reason from you. There's something you're not telling him, right? Whatever it is, you shouldn't avoid telling him, you should know he'll be understanding. You shake your head, try to reaffirm that it's merely a matter of wanting to return home and all that, just settle down for a nice quiet life now that you're beyond the age of needing to work so much--
He cuts you off halfway through your sentence.
There's no need for you to do any work. Just stay on the estate grounds and find ways to entertain yourself, then.
He says he'll get you whatever you need to be happy here, to stave off boredom. You've worked so hard all these years, just fully retire early and enjoy life, you deserve it. You're making far too big of a deal out of this.
There's a rising tension the more you talk. You can sense him getting increasingly upset, and you find yourself shrinking back, but you still protest -- and finally, he snaps.
That's enough.
You're stunned into silence as he continues. You're being foolish, he says, ridiculous. Your life here would be infinitely better than anything you could ever obtain elsewhere. You're just so used to life here, that you've forgotten what commoner residences and lifestyles are like, don't realize how much luxury and comfort you have. He has respect for you, of course, but he won't allow you to make such poor choices. He cares for you too much, you see.
He talks over you, interrupts every protest you try to give. And before you can get a word in or argue any further, he waves his hand, says he has matters to attend to, gets up very suddenly and goes to rush out the door. So forget this nonsense, he expects you to be over it by the time he returns later today, he says. Please, really, don't sour the environment of the household with such a trivial nonsense, just forget about it.
He leaves before you can protest, very clearly making haste so that you don't have time to formulate a response. You're left shocked and standing still, blinking at the door and still trying to process the whole exchange. You were expecting him to be saddened by the whole thing, but angry? It doesn't make sense. You're so bewildered by it, you don't have any idea how to go about handling the situation.
You avoid him for a day or two, and for once, he doesn't come check on you either -- although you do get another one of the servants who comes to check on you, very oddly, and you can't help but think Ayato probably sent him to do so since he didn't feel comfortable doing so himself. You reflect on the issue, but you just can't think of how to go about handling the situation... it would break your heart to just have to outright leave and essentially part ways on poor terms. You want to at least get him to understand. You just have no idea how.
On the third day, however, it very suddenly becomes much more unnerving of a situation than you'd realized. You receive a letter in the mail. One of the places that offered to hire you... only now this letter is to inform you that said offer has been rescinded. No explanation of why. You feel a knot of dread in your stomach. You choose to believe -- you want to believe -- it's unrelated. Until the second comes in. And the third. On and on it goes, over the course of several days.
You're not sure what emotion to feel. Angry? Shocked? Disbelief? Perhaps you can give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's just a horribly timed coincidence. Maybe. You can't allow yourself to be complacent about it, so you summon your courage and confront him on the matter... Only to find he doesn't try to deny it in the slightest.
He has no shame or avoidance on the matter. In fact, the moment you so much as enter the room, he asks you if that's what you're here about. So it would seem based on your expression, he adds.
You're left silent for a moment. You begin to ask him if that means he's saying this was his doing, but he interrupts you halfway through.
Weren't you listening before? He could never allow you to do something so foolish. Since you were dead-set on making a decision that would most likely leave you in ruin, he did what he had to do to ensure you couldn't. You forced his hand on this matter. Come on now, he's not asking you to thank him or anything, but surely the least you could do is have some maturity and recognize your mistakes.
As he said before, just stay here. Live on the estate grounds, and accept a literal perfect life being handed to you. It's unbelievable that you're trying to turn that down. You're really making such a big deal over nothing. He shrugs, seemingly frustrated as he moves to walk away again, as if you're merely overreacting to some small ordeal.
You move before you think. You grab at his shirt, tell him to stop... But you let go, and find yourself cowering back when he turns his head to look at you with shock, almost a look of disgust, at your blatant defiance. You feel a pain deep inside. You still remember that sweet little boy that used to have such bright eyes and a wide smile when he would look up at you, the way he strove for your approval and praise, and now... he looks at you as if you were but a child, stupid and senseless.
Maybe you've gotten out of line. His favor for you has led you to believe you can just get away with anything, huh? You've never seen this look on his face, the way his eyes narrow, you've never had him grab your wrists as he does and refuse to let go.
You still refuse to accept that he's helping. You still refuse to see the error of your ways. If you don't want to accept it, if you insist on your stubbornness, then fine. If that's how you want to be, he can't stop you. If you resent him for it, then that's a consequence he can accept for doing the right thing. One of these days, you will realize what he's done for you, and you'll come groveling at his feet to apologize. When that day comes, he'll gladly forgive you. Until then, fine, be stubborn. But you will not be leaving, and that is final -- and will be enforced, if necessary.
And he lets go of your wrists, turns on his heel, and walks out with an anger in his steps, leaving you reeling in shock in a now empty room with no options left. Only now you're far beyond unnerved, now you're so unsettled it makes you feel sick. Shocked and still almost in disbelief at his behavior. You're still shaky as you return to your own lodgings, but in your mind, you've already come to a firm decision. You can only resolve to tell yourself you'll have to find another way out, even if it means deceiving him... if such an option even exists.
---
The Inazuman neighborhoods are often tight-knit communities, in the sense that the various inhabitants are close to one another, everyone helps each other out when they can, and everyone knows each other, no one is closed off and isolated.
It's the mentality you were used to, so, when you were given the opportunity to help out the old woman that lived close to you, you gladly took it.
You were a decade or so older than Itto, albeit still a youth at that time. The poor old woman could barely handle so much energy, sometimes it was a bit too much for her. So you, being the kind neighbor you were, volunteered to help her out with the responsibility of watching over her adopted oni child, ensuring that he didn't cause too much trouble, trying to minimize the damage he inevitably left in his wake wherever he went. Especially at younger ages, he didn't have a good concept of how strong he was, and would end up very frequently snapping, tearing, ripping, and otherwise breaking things without meaning to.
Unfortunately, on more than one occasion, that turned out to be the limbs of other neighborhood children. He just got to playing a bit too roughly and soon after there would be some poor kid's screech ringing out across the neighborhood. Another primary responsibility you tried to take on was ensuring that that didn't happen.
Not to mention he had some difficulty making friends in general, seeing as a lot of other little kids were freaked out by the horns and strength, and because he always was a bit... overbearing. Not to mention, plenty of their parents had outright told them to avoid him. It would break your heart when the poor thing would get all sniffly and watery-eyed because some other kids would squeal and run away from him, so you tried your best to be the best friend he could have.
On the bright side, he was one of those kids that you just had to try to tire him out, get him to use all that energy until he was exhausted and fell asleep. Which thereby also allowed you to get some rest as well. You can still recall those nice, quiet moments, laying around in the mid-afternoon in the sun outside, relaxed and peaceful aside from the heavy weight where he'd always lay on top of you.
As you could imagine, he was also very eager to have additional psuedo-familial figures to latch onto, aside from just the old woman who took him in. You presented one more person who would give affection and approval and praise, so he became attached very quickly. To an extent that, even outside of the times designated for you to come care for him, he'd come looking for you. On several occasions, on days he knew you would be coming over, you would even find him outside your door in the mornings, already wide awake and unable to contain his excitement. Eventually, this even progressed to him wanting to spend the night with you too. You didn't mind, he was just a kid anyway, so there wasn't anything really inappropriate about it, and thus you let him stay by your side, snoring away all night long.
He was also one of those children that always wanting to give "gifts" to you. Colorful drawings with name labels and arrows clearly indicated which scribbled figure was supposed to be you and himself. Lots of various edible things found out in the grass. Pebbles, crystals, bird feathers... this one's the prettiest, so it's for you!, so he would say. You also have a very vivid recollection of the time you closed your eyes for a few minutes and laid your head back while he played outside, awoken when he came back with an armful of beetles and dumped them directly onto your body. Lots of big ones he found, just for you. You remember trying to control yourself enough to get them off your body without freaking out and thereby hurting his feelings, which was no easy task. You wanted to see him happy, after all, and you knew that you were a source of companionship he otherwise wouldn't have had. You're glad you can be a positive force in his life.
But of course, he got older, more independent and capable, and soon you were no longer as needed. You became more busy as you became an adult, and slowly, little by little, you drifted apart. Going over several times a week became once a week, then a few times a month, then once every few months, and at some point you never went back again. That's just life, you figured, people get older and move on to new phases, you just need to appreciate the memories and all that.
Besides, you ended up relocating when you yourself got older anyhow, needed to move to the main city area for work. You still heard about him, whenever news came from home, the sort of mention in passing when being given quick updates about all the various people you knew and what they were up to, one name out of many. When you started getting reports that he apparently has been arrested a few times, you were a bit disappointed, but not incredibly surprised.
And while it's perfectly normal, inevitable even, to eventually run into old familiar faces every now and then, you're still taken a bit by surprise when you first see him again. By complete random chance, just walking back home in the evening as always, so you weren't really expecting to see anyone you knew... He (very loudly) calls your name out from down the street to get your attention, and despite the passage of time, you still recognize him instantly due to his general unique appearance and unmistakable energy.
You give him the standard 'oh, you've grown so much since I last saw you!' line, but you don't get to finish the sentence before you are promptly grabbed, squeezed, and lifted off the ground into a suffocating embrace, swung in a full circle before being set back down. You're too dizzy to even make out what he's saying at first, but he's talking rather rapidly, so you quickly realize as your head clears.
He's happy to see you. Very, very much so. So much so it confuses you a bit. You just... Didn't think he would remember you so well. You never thought you had all that much of a significant impact on him, you were just some person that watched him a bunch of times as a kid. You didn't realize you held such an important position in his mind.
But you suppose you should be flattered... So you reluctantly forfeit a quiet evening at home when he insists you come with him and catch up, invites you to meet the... fellow youthful hooligans he's apparently decided to acquaint himself with. You smile and nod and tell yourself it's the right thing to do, it would be rude not to. And they're nice people, which is good, within minutes of meeting them you can certainly see how they are exactly the type of people he would get along well with. The whole group sort of meshes very well, with each other at least, not so much yourself. They're just, you know, very loud and rambunctious and high-energy, compared to you, settled into a serious lifestyle and having left the excitement of youth and all that well behind. You feel a bit out of place among such younger people. But nonetheless, you pass the time being as nice to them as you can before eventually making an excuse about how you have to be up early in the morning and all that...
And that allows you to get away, but not without Itto insisting on taking you all the way to your house. It's super dark out now, you know? You smile and say it's not necessary, since it's a bit of a walk (and you really don't want him knowing where you live, but you leave that part unspoken), but he insists anyway. So you allow it. And he continues to talk, and talk, and talk, all the way back. Remember that time all those years ago that you did this thing and that thing? Some things he lists were specific occurrences, some habitual things you used to do regularly, but you recall each of them pretty well. The conversation actually takes the awkwardness away a bit, and you find yourself genuinely smiling as you recall all those old times.
It carries on all the way till you get to your door, and even then, he's still going on normally, rather than the usual "parting" tone one would speak in when about to say goodbye to someone. Almost as if he was right about to follow you into your own home. Still, he doesn't push to come in or anything, just accepts when you bid farewell and heads home.
You give the obligatory oh, we should do something sometime, but that's just a social norm, you tell yourself, not actually to be followed through with, right? Thus, you expect it would be the last you'd see of him for a while. You did what he wanted, "caught up," talked about how his life is going. You figured that would be it.
So when you see him the next day, you're not nearly as caught off-guard as you were the previous day, but him waiting outside your place of work does startle you. He wants to talk, again. He offers to take you to get food, pays for it (barely managing to scrounge up enough mora to do so), picks up where you left off yesterday conversationally. You smile and try your best to be polite. You figure he just wanted to see you a bit more.
And then he shows up the next day. And the next day. And the next day. It becomes a routine very quickly. You try to avoid him, but he always manages to find you.
You're not sure how to handle it, you've never been in quite this exact situation. For the time being, you're nice to him, you listen to him and learn more about how he's been doing. He's not... Really doing too much with his life, it seems, no job or anything like that.
Unfortunately for you, this leaves him with a significant amount of free time in which he has no responsibilities or tasks to speak of. More unfortunately, you quickly realize he has no concept of the fact you do, in fact, have responsibilities and things that need to get done. Well, perhaps he does to an extent, because every time he seeks you out he insists on helping. Or, "helping." He has a tendency to make things worse, much like when he was a kid, except now his mistakes and blunders have significantly more strength and weight and mass put into them, thus causing far more damage than when he was small.
Eventually, it's starting to get on your nerves too much. You have to say something.
But you can't bring yourself to be rude, he's got such a happy, kind energy to him... You'd hate to hurt him.
You try to be indirect. On one of your walks that you’ve been involuntarily accustomed to, you ask him if he's been, you know, looking at job prospects...? Maybe considering something new...?
He does not take the hint in the slightest, merely says nope, not really! in a tone far too upbeat and smiley for what he's saying.
Is he looking to settle down?
Haven't thought about that yet!
Maybe look into higher education?
Ah, that's super boring.
No questions you ask result in favorable answers. He seems perfectly content doing exactly what he's doing for the time being, and shows no sign of any discontentment with his current situation. But he does pick up on the common theme. What's with you wanting to know all of that? But thankfully, he immediately follows the question by assuring you not to worry, he's not struggling to get by or anything. It's really nice that you're concerned about him and all, but really, he's doing just fine!
You can't think of anything further to say, so you just sort of let it go, unsure of what to do from here. And the cycle continues. Each morning now, he's already waiting for you outside, invoking memories of how he used to do the same thing… except it was actually sort of cute back then.
He’s also very touchy. He was as a kid too, of course, but nothing has changed since then, despite the appropriateness of such touchiness having significantly decreased at his current age. It's just transitioned from him clinging to your leg, now instead to constantly having his hands on you in some way, arms wrapped around your shoulders, suffocating embraces.
Apparently he just has nothing better to do with his time than wait for you each day. He acts so very close to you, as if you were never apart, to a degree it's almost strange. For whatever reason, he just thinks that a brief connection you two had over a decade ago, is meaningful enough to indicate that you're still best friends or something automatically, even despite how much time has passed.
He keeps recalling more and more incidents from the past when you talk, and now it's getting to ones that, although you smile and nod, you don't have the heart to tell him you do not remember at all. To you, he was just... some kid you babysat for a few years. Not that you dislike him or wish anything but the best for him, it just seems so strange for him to have this sense of closeness and connection to you that is certainly not a mutual sentiment.
It gets progressively worse. Eventually, your supervisor comes to inform you that you need to do something, says he's loitering outside your place of work every day and it's unnerving people. You're told it needs to be fixed. Thankfully, you can at least then blame it on said employer, so it softens the blow quite a bit and he doesn't seem offended, merely happily agrees that he can wait for you across the street instead. Your smile twitches, you try to sweetly say that oh, he doesn't have to wait for you or anything... but no worries! It's no trouble, he says. How nice.
You've been constantly brainstorming of what you can do to escape this newfound situation, but you've been unable to come up with anything, until you're informed that there is the option of taking another position in a location a short ways away, just an hour journey or so. It would put you in a new area, let you get a fresh start, higher pay, and not to mention, away from your current location. You accept, admittedly largely because you see it as a potential way of getting you out of your current predicament.
As the day you intend to move draws closer and closer, you do begin to feel a bit guilty about your plan to just sort of ditch town without telling him where you’re going… no doubt he’ll be a little bit hurt. Thus, you start acting extra nice to him over the course of the coming weeks, allowing him to drag you from place to place at night as he so enjoys doing, and walk you home as he insists upon.
He always stops just short of coming into your place, coming to a halt right outside the door when you more or less firmly plant yourself in between him and the door itself and bid him farewell for the night. You're pretty sure if you didn't, he would just walk right in. You're pretty sure he wants to come in.
And one night, well into your newfound routine, you make the mistake of feeling bad about it, and tell him he can. You immediately regret the words as soon as they're out of your mouth, but it's too late, his eyes light up and soon enough he's standing in your living space. Great. You try to make things less awkward by occupying yourself with getting something to drink, also hoping that maybe some alcohol will help loosen your nerves and make the whole thing less awkward.
He's still talking all the while as you do. Oh, wow, you have a really nice place! It's nice and homey, and everything is so nicely -- wait, is that -- is that...?
You yourself forgot about it, it's one of those objects that you have sitting around that you're so used to being there you sort of forgot it was there. But yes, over in a corner with some other things you had laying around (really, in preparation for packing it up to take with you), you still have a small container of sorts filled with all those rocks and neatly-folded drawings and other little things he used to give you. They held too much sentimental value to just throw away, so you kept them... that seems to make him especially happy. He didn't think you would still have them after all this time.
It draws upon more and more memories, he picks it up and starts going through each little thing, recalling various occurrences behind each object. With that, once again, you feel the awkwardness and discomfort having him in your place dissipate to some degree, you find yourself genuinely enjoying the moment, just a bit. You share memories, laugh over some stories of things that have happened in both of your lives since those days, and down a significant amount of alcohol until you're both overly-giddy, laughing too much over nothing, conversation fading into slurred words and unawareness of what you're even saying... and next thing you know, you're jolting awake to a very familiar feeling.
You’re laying with a feeling of a weight on top of you, just like you did back then... must have passed out on the couch after a while. You can tell it's some early hour of the morning, the sun hasn't even begun to rise. You're on your back, and he slumped over so he's laying with his head on your chest, except now as a full-grown adult he's significantly heavier than he used to be. It’s quite awkward, for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, no amount of trying to shake him awake seems to have any effect on a deep drunken sleep, so you're more or less forced to wait, giving you plenty of time to reflect on what a poor choice this might have been, given you've basically just encouraged him.
You're left with nothing to do but to reflect on everything up until now, and the conversation that was had just a few hours earlier. You can't say why, but you have this... sinking feeling in your gut, like you've messed up somehow, but it's all too fuzzy to actually remember. The feeling keeps you from falling asleep, so you're left to just lay there for several hours, watching as the sun rises, the dread increasing all the while.
When he does wake up, he just gets up and yawns and stretches, acts like there's nothing particularly strange about being full-grown adults and falling asleep on top of you. He just says something about how much his head hurts, complaining until realizing that, oh no, he told his friends he'd meet them a bit earlier... sorry for leaving so quickly! He has to head out now, sorry he can't stay a bit longer, but no worries, he'll be back later this afternoon (as usual!).
But as he's about to run out your door, he pauses, he smiles and turns his head back to you to add that oh, almost forgot to thank you... for telling him about how you're moving and all that.
Mm? Yeah, you mentioned it when you two were talking, remember? You were super out of it, so you probably don't remember, that makes sense. You said you were moving and he offered to help and you said he could? You gave him the moving date to come by and help you transport your stuff? Don’t worry, he may have trouble maintaining, ah… a lot of responsibilities, but he would never miss out on helping you! He’ll be there, no worries.
Y'know, he's been thinking of relocating too! Get a fresh base of operations and all that. Perfect timing, right? It would really suck if you were far apart, after all. This way he'll still get to see you every day! It'll be great and -- ah, right, sorry, you'll have to finish talking about it later. See you in just a little while!
And with that, he’s out the door before you can even manage to protest. You’re left standing, staring forward, eye twitching… looks like you’ll need a new plan.
---
Being hired by one of the upper class families in Liyue is generally considered to be a major achievement, no matter how small the role may be. Even common roles are paid better and work under nicer conditions than they would doing the same job elsewhere -- for example, a private maid for a family would make far more than a corporate maid working for a business building, and so on. So for you, getting hired to be a child caretaker was a major opportunity that you weren't going to turn down, even if you felt a bit intimidated when you first arrived by just how massive and intricate the estate was, how every aspect of the grounds reflects the owners' enormous wealth.
Getting to work with their son actually helps calm you down. He's just a normal child like any other, albeit with some class-standing-induced differences in his behaviors.
You can tell from the first interaction that Xingqiu is particularly bright, his parents also hire private tutors, a different one for each academic subject, which no doubt contributes. He likes to show off said knowledge by spouting anything he thinks might be impressive. He's that child that's always rushing to give you some did you know? fact about whatever may be relevant to the conversation, hoping this information will impress you, even if it's very often something that most grown adults do in fact already know. You try and pretend to be impressed nonetheless, of course, seeing as it makes him happy. Your responsibilities aren't academic or anything like that, but more like a personal attendant.
He always tries to act more mature than his age, and it just comes off as sort of cute more than anything. It's only logical, though, that such a privileged child would turn out at least a little bit spoiled. He's a sweet boy, really... it's just that consideration for others' needs and feelings and time wasn't something anyone ever went out of their way to instill in him.
So while he's sweet to you, he sometimes gets very upset if he can't get his way over things. He has a tendency to think that pouting and staying silent will get him whatever he wants, or will at least get you to give him attention and thereby validate him. He's much better about it now, but when he was younger, it was pretty awful, he'd do it over virtually everything that didn't go his way.
He's also very insistent, in general, that when he wants attention, you need to give him that attention immediately. You're his caretaker, right? So he should be, like, the most important person to you, you should value him above anyone else, which means he's allowed to just interrupt any conversation or interaction you may be having and you should immediately forget the other person and pay attention to him instead. As time goes on, he's forced to learn that isn't always the case, although it isn't something he accepts without a great deal of bitterness about it. He still has a habit of interrupting your conversations, even now.
He also insisted on having you be present at all times, when he was very very young. He would refuse to have his lessons with the tutors or instructors if you weren't in the room, would essentially just whine and whine until finally his parents allowed it, having you in the room if for nothing else but to sit there and watch. It was rather boring, but you soon learned he didn't mind if you brought something else to work on, as long as you were just physically present in the room. The habit carried on throughout his childhood and well into adolescence, it basically just became a routine you didn't object to, and neither did his parents, seeing as it was easier to more or less just let him have his way on the matter.
Even as time passes, he sometimes seems to think you have no life outside of being his attendant. You still occasionally take time off, of course, to go visit family, take care of necessary things in your life, or just a short vacation. Sometimes a single day, sometimes a week or so.
At the youngest ages, the poor thing would, according to later accounts from the other exhausted staff responsible for your duties while you were gone, sob and cry every day you were gone, throw borderline tantrums over anyone trying to fill the tasks he was used to you doing.
Everyone else doesn't make the snacks the same way you do, it tastes different, which means he can't eat it. No one else knows how to play the games you two play. No one else reads to him the same way you do, they don't do all the voices for the various characters right. It's all bad because it's not how you do it, or so he would desperately try to explain to his parents whenever they came to see why he was making such a fuss over the matter. You would return to work a few days later to be ushered back to your position as quickly as possible. Every other household servants would have dark circles under their eyes, tired and exasperated expressions, thanking you for returning as if by doing so you were saving them from some horrible burden.
Once he got slightly older, though, it actually got worse. It became bitter stubbornness, to the point that once when you took a week-long vacation, you got a knock on your door only two days in from another household servant, begging you to cut your vacation short because apparently the young master won't do anything. Refuses to do any schoolwork or otherwise assigned tasks. Rejects all food presented to him and won't eat because it isn't tailored to his extremely specific preferences. It wasn't quite as bad, but the other employees are still quite overjoyed whenever you return.
Now, as a young adult, he just gets... quiet, when you casually inform him that you'll be taking a few days off soon. He doesn't respond immediately, but after a few moments just smiles at you, says he understands you must have incredibly important things to deal with.
But you just sheepishly laugh and say no, no, you just have allowed vacation time you haven't used up. But you tell him no to worry, it'll only be a few days...
Still, he's not very good at hiding what he feels, he tends to show his inner thoughts outwardly for a moment before regaining composure... This being no exception. You see his face contort with bewilderment for a second. Vacation?? His automatic assumption when you first informed him you'd be gone was that someone you were very close to must have died or something. That's the only logical explanation he could come up with in his head as to why you'd be taking time away from your job. But no, you're just... going off on your own. For fun or something. Because you feel the need to do that, for whatever reason.
He gets bitter. Sulks by himself the rest of the day, barely says a word. You notice, of course, but you're a little frustrated because you know exactly why and you're not going to pay that sort of brattiness any mind. He mopes, pouts, doesn't get much done. Internally, he's just wallowing in bitterness over the matter. It's not like your job is hard. You have it really easy. You just want to get away from him that bad? Even though you have the best possible living conditions here? Even a hotel or something would probably not be as nice as what you already have. Or so he thinks to himself, still maintaining a proper politeness externally and feigning to be unbothered.
Besides, what are you even doing with that time? He can't fathom it. It's not like you have hobbies or anything, right? You dedicate your time to doing stuff for him, that's what you enjoy. That basically is your hobby. So what are you doing in that time off? Just sleeping? Doing nothing?
Well, he can always find out. You live at the estate, so when you take time off you have to stay in inns. He casually asks something about how you do have a place to stay, right? Where will that be? Just to make sure you're properly accommodated, wouldn't want you staying somewhere cheap and dirty... So he gets the name.
From there, it's easy to follow you, when he wakes up extra early to go pay a visit... From a distance. You really are so thoughtless, inconsiderate even, doing such things and making him concerned for you with your carelessness. But luckily for you, he's perfectly willing to take a whole day of his time to watch over you. You don't do much of note. You get up, go walk around, buy things, come back to your hotel for a while... it seems you truly are just doing nothing. Which makes no sense, how is this more enjoyable than a normal day? Don't you like your job? How is this not boring for you? Well, whatever, you're just so difficult to understand sometimes.
The next time you emerge from the hotel (hours later, mind you, he was very patient and waited on you), you look nicer than you did before, dressed differently, more formally. You make your way across the harbor area, completely oblivious to being followed, until you arrive at some expensive-looking establishment. You sit down. He watches from a ways away. He almost thinks about walking up to you, pretending it's a coincidence and seeing if you would like to go for a walk, and then maybe convince you to cut this excursion of yours short and who in the hell is that.
Who's this guy?? Why is he sitting down across from you? Why are you acting like you know each other? You have no time to know anyone. You shouldn't, at least. What kind of guy is willing to settle for someone he can only see a couple times a month? Maybe it's family or something. That makes sense. You're being awfully affectionate for family, reaching out and grasping at each other's hands... but he's heard it said that the lower classes have less reservations about being outwardly affectionate to one another, no need to maintain the cold properness more familiar to him, so maybe that's it. Still irksome, nonetheless.
And then, the guy says something that makes your eyes go wide, you look stunned. It lasts only a moment before you smile, nod your head, whatever it was, you seem happy about it. He can't remember the last time you looked so happy... maybe you just received some kind of good news or something. Either way, it irritates him. Why do you act so happy like that over what's undoubtedly something relatively unimportant? It's annoying. It makes him more annoyed to realize he won't even be able to question you on the matter. Ugh.
He watches with a burning irritation in his stomach as you go about the rest of your night, finish and leave, and you go off down the streets... not back to your hotel, but somewhere else, and disappear inside together. Well, he's already deduced that you're family, so it's okay, such a thing is permissible only in this case. He'll just have to garner whatever information he can tomorrow.
You're not sure why he seems so upset when you return. Usually, your returns make him happy, but this time he seems... bitter. He stays very quiet, barely says a word, and when he does speak, it comes out very passive-aggressively. He asks you what you did with your time off, and you answer honestly, saying you didn't do much, just spent some time to yourself, met with your partner for dinner... leaving out the topic of conversation that was had, since that's not really anything you're ready to tell anyone yet.
You still see him stiffen, although his back is turned to you, absorbed in some book he has on the table. He doesn't say anything beyond oh, I see, but you sense animosity radiating off of him. It's no behavior you aren't pretty used to by now, so you simply sigh and try to go on with your day as normal. The more attention you give to him when he's being petty, the longer these episodes last, so if you ignore it, he'll go back to normal faster.
You love him dearly, having taken care of him for so many years, but it does get obnoxious sometimes. Perhaps that's partially why you've been thinking of moving on so much recently. Your date yesterday has only further led you to think that it's about time to do so, and carry on into the next stage of your life.
Xingqiu is... Well, he's grown. There's no real need for you anymore.
Really, you and his parents alike have avoiding bringing up the fact that his brother stopped having a personal attendant years before he was the age Xingqiu is now. And unbeknownst to him, his parents have actually specifically had talks with you about the matter, begged you to stay because they weren't sure how to handle the emotional devastation it would have on him if you were gone, they're well aware he developed a far greater attachment to you than his brother did to his maid. They remember full well how he always reacted as a kid, and even now, when you're gone for a week -- how would he react if you were gone forever?
But as time has gone on, you've started to feel you don't have much use here. He doesn't need to be watched over, so most of your day-to-day life consists more of being a sort of friend to him than a caretaker of any sort. You simply don't have any real reason to stay here much longer, so now it's just a matter of going through with resignation, and then getting married, as you've established with the guy you've been seeing as the next step you both wish to take.
It'll be a new chapter of life, an exciting and promising one... although you'll always cherish the memories you've made here, of course. Despite your young master's poor mood, you can't help but be elated as you go about your day, still reveling in the night prior and the future ahead of you.
Which is certainly only a cause of annoyance for him. What are you so happy for? You're walking around with an obvious joy in your movements and in the way you hum as you go about little tasks... it's bothersome, you shouldn't be happy. You just reveal that you've been hiding some... some... illicit relationship for who knows how long, and you act like it's nothing? You have no shame on the matter?
How do you even have a long term partner? There's no way, right? You can't. You would never see them, since you're always working, so there's no way you've committed to a relationship. But you certainly wouldn't make that up, you have to be telling the truth. You're going on dates, having fun with this person. He can't just let you do something so wasteful. What is it even for, anyway?
Oh, that guy probably doesn’t even like you, seeing as he barely knows you. That guy is probably the type who just wants someone sweet like you to push them around. And you’re so naïve to it, too, you don’t even realize what you’re getting yourself into! Honestly. How can you be this foolish, allowing yourself to become attached to this person and…
A thought pops into his head. His mind goes down a train of thought that create an awful, awful feeling, a gnawing pit of dread and disgust and panic in his stomach. You're dating, you're seeing some specific person, you'll spend time with him, and then...
And then what?
He's seen it happen to plenty of other maids and servants -- they work for a while, and then once they reach a certain age bracket, they start leaving. It's just ever even crossed his mind that you could do the same. You always registered in his mind as something... Permanent. But a quick check through family records he performs later that day confirms that the contract you signed all those years ago had a date range that's been expired for years now, and you've been continuously signing extensions for a year each.
He's not foolish, he understands what will happen. You're going to get married. And you'll quit. Have your own life. Spend your time with someone else, caring for someone else, paying attention to someone else's needs the way you're supposed to with him.
That's so not fair. Shouldn't you need permission for that? You're just going to abandon him after so much time?
Not to mention that even now, your time is dedicated to him, but your heart and mind is dedicated to someone else. Your thoughts too, probably. How much time have you spent going about your daily tasks for him while thinking about that guy? It makes him feel sick.
It begins to consume him, in the coming days. Eventually, you finally announce resignation (and your future plans) first to his parents, then to him. You break it to him very, very softly, prefacing it with how you've loved spending all these years here, but...
You're actually rather shocked that he seems to not be bothered. He smiles, says he's happy for you, and then returns to his reading. You're actually so taken aback that there was no trace of passive-aggressive discontentment in his words that you're left standing still for a moment. At this age, that's how he usually deals with being upset, since he deems himself too old to throw actual tantrums or appear outwardly upset, so he usually just gets subtle with his signs of irritation, but you genuinely find none. You're rather content as you walk out the door for the evening... if only you could see the way his expression changes as you shut the door behind you.
It's a difficult act to maintain, but he knows he can't appear too upset. He doesn't want to give any reason for suspicion. Unfortunately, you see, you've driven him to take drastic measures, but he can't afford to be connected to those measures.
This person is the reason you're leaving, so if that person is gone, you will stay. You will have no reason to leave, no one to leave for. It’s messy and inconvenient, but it must be done, and he’ll do whatever necessary for your sake. You agreed to be there for him... he won't let you back out of that. It's your responsibility. Just because some piece of paper says you were only obligated to for a set time doesn't mean anything, the right thing to do is to stay forever. It's a matter of ethical responsibility, not legal contract. He just has to be the one to push you in the right direction, ensure you aren't led astray by distractions that would pull you away from him. Even if that means dealing with those distractions outright.
And if you get someone new -- which he'll certainly have to put his full effort into preventing -- he'll just have to do the same thing all over again. A strenuous and unpleasant task, certainly, but it's no big deal, really. It's all worth it as long as he has you by his side.
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