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asksoldieron · 4 months

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SO-18: Memory Bomb!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, but hopefully my eyes will improve enough to add some later!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Peanut Butter Bubblegum (SO-18) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

There! They got him! Well, sorta. That's definitely not Erik but he's in there somewhere. They'll get him out! Eventually!

I had such a cool idea for a musical comic but I can't do it. You'll have to read and imagine David and Hyacinth having it out, while what he is now is slowly subsumed by what he once was... Or while an imposter who made a very bad decision becomes permanently trapped in a web of his own lies. Maybe both at once!

*sigh* I'm struggling, but I don't get real feedback from the eye doctor. It's like they don't think I can't handle any negativity, so everything is all smiles and "you're doing great!" while I'm dealing with shit they should've sat me down and told me about before I even had the damn surgery.

You see, I had the impression the surgery was the best option for not losing any of the improvement I spent all last year making myself sick to gain. Heh. Maybe it was, but I've still lost ground and I'll need to put in even more work to get it back. I have a different issue now: stamina. My eyes get tired of focusing on detail, near and far, and in certain situations they'll just stop. I'll be straining as hard as I can and I won't be able to tell you if that's a D, C, O or G. It won't shift in and out of focus like I might be able to get it eventually, it'll just be a static blur until I rest my eyes and come back to it. (Kinda think the doctor thought I was faking or playing it up, since I could read letters the first time she asked me to, and then I couldn't. But the tech just listened to me describe what was happening and said, "Oh, yeah. Your eyes are just tired. Take a break.")

I don't have much trouble reading - as long as it's black and white or close to that. Much like Erik, I can get it from context. I've always read the shape of the word, because my damn eyes never worked like they're supposed to. But art is not like that. Hell, even reading a comic is harder for me right now.

I'm getting my Xmas computer soon. It has a bigger screen than my tablet, and I should be able to draw on it. I might not get so tired so fast with a bigger screen, but I won't know until I try. I found a good enough refurbished deal that I can afford a pen display with an even bigger screen, if it comes to that, but I'll have to give myself some time to strengthen my eyes in any case.

I thought I was just going to heal from this - it would only be a matter of time until the wound closed and my corneas cleared up - I certainly got that impression at the start. But now they say I'm not going to get better without more work. I'm stuck doing pretty much the same exercises, only now they're hard in a different way. The dry-eye does seem to be improving, but there's no guarantee it will keep doing that. I have nearly a year to wait for the dryness and light tolerance to stabilize, those things are the slowest to heal. Well, they would be the slowest, if I didn't have this stupid vision dysfunction. I have no idea how long that's going to take to adapt.

Anyway, this is all too many words. I'm trying to explain why I won't be able to come back with more story after a two week break, even though I have the next six-pack almost ready to go. I can write. I can reorganize the site (and I need to do that, the theme and the global colours are just stupid, and all my pattern blocks are malfunctioning). I can open a new bank account and put together a Ko-Fi page (after Patreon gets rid of my data - they only have a couple more days to do that within their 30-day limit!!). I can't illustrate. Nobody's going to stop scrolling and look at this shit in their feed if there's no images, and I'm not resorting to stock photos or AI.

I want to get to the point where I can spam my followers with something I'm proud of that looks nice, and send them to a site that I'm also proud of and which looks nice. I want more readers, but I don't feel right asking for them when everything's falling apart, including me.

So, I'll be here, but there won't be more story for a while. At least give me until the 20th, that'll be three months out from the surgery and I should be fairly well healed by then. It's just that I have this stamina issue nobody warned me about and no timeline for that. Almost like it doesn't matter. Hey, you can see without glasses! 20/20! Like we promised! Does it really matter if it expires without warning? It works when you read off the chart the first time and that's all you need, right?

No. I told you people I was an artist. You don't seem to be reviewing my chart and god alone knows if you even wrote it down, but you did ask me and I told you. This is not enough.

We'll see what the next few weeks will do for me. I hope like hell I'll be back soon with another six - words AND pictures.

[Back to Site?]

#tin soldier and soldier on #instalment #engagement lounge #eyes #updates #vent #didn't mean to vent but i don't know how else to explain #“you're doing better than you think you are!” the doc says #“welcome to my growing list of doctors i tolerate but do not trust” i would say if i could #but i don't have another doctor locally who can treat this at all #“hey didn't they tell you those eye drops don't work?” “what? but those are really good drops” “OK but they DON'T WORK”#“well just keep doing what you've been doing!”#FOREVER i guess?

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trin-gvf · 2 years

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D.R.W - dirty little secret

2.8k words minors DNI

danny x fem!reader

WARNINGS: daddy kink, gagging, slapping, degradation, cheating, spit, basically whatever u can think of

daniel robert wagner. what you wouldn't do for that man. one problem. he has a girlfriend. jordan. she was sweet of course but oh god was she a fucking airhead. you could fuck her boyfriend behind her back and she would never find out.

you had known danny since forever but never close enough to actually talk to him. he was in a band and seemed untouchable. that made you want him even fucking more. the way he played on stage made you dive your hand in your panties a great number of times. watching him play on stage was nothing but pure sex appeal.

one night after coming down from yet another high while looking at danny's instagram page you saw a particular comment.

jordieswxrld: so handsome! 💞

you were quick to tap on her account and message her.

y/n: hi girlie! you don't know me but I'm friends with the band and figured we could hang sometime!

jordieswxrld: omg hi!! i'd be down!

y/n: perf! does tomorrow at the tangle hearts cafe work?

jordieswxrld: it does!! how about 2ish?

perfect.

you continued to message her about stupid shit like your favorite colors, foods, how you met the boys, etc. you both agreed to bring one of the boys along. you got josh to agree and she said daniel would come along with her.

you set your phone down and drifted off to bed.

the next day you planned a perfect outfit. one that didn't draw too much unwanted attention but one you hoped would make danny notice you. even a little sneak at your cleavage would've made you happy. you slipped into a light brown cropped tank top with black high waisted pants. since it was starting to get cold you threw on a white knitted cardigan and some boots to top it off.

you looked over your outfit once more before meeting josh in your living room.

"ready to go?" you asked before grabbing your over the shoulder purse. he nodded and opened the door for you.

"i'm glad you're finally giving danny a chance, he's a cool dude." josh spoke whilst backing out of your driveway.

"yeah, i just guess i never felt the need." which a complete half assed answer and you knew josh knew that. it was an absolute lie. you never got to know danny because you'd eye fuck him everytime you'd come around him. every word you would have spoken to him would be dripping in lust. your words would have flowed like a spoon drenched honey, dripping back into the bottle with the sun casting a golden hue onto the counter.

the ride to the cafe was short, it wasn't too far from your house. the second you laid eyes on danny and his god awful girlfriend you didn't know whether to be happy around danny or annoyed to be around jordan.

as you got closer to the table, you presented a smile. danny and jordan got up, jordan greeting you with a hug first. danny greeted you with another hug, this one just a second longer than the one you had with his girlfriend. his cologne engulfed you. the scent alone made you want to rip his clothes off and go at it until you both had not an ounce of energy left in you.

"it's amazing to finally meet you! i've heard so many great things. i've just never managed to find time to hang out!" you said, faking your best friendly voice.

"ohh! i'm sure! you work at a big company i'm sure it's hard to find free time!" she said back.

"oh it really is!" you said sipping on your americano.

"i barely got today off." you spoke out, making casual talk.

"so, what is it you do?" danny chirped up.

"oh- well i work as a medical front desk receptionist. it wasn't too bad in the beginning but with covid, we're all so in demand so it's almost impossible to get any days off." you explained, taking in danny's every movement, every detail. his brown curls softly bounced with every movement his head made. the way he paid attention to your every word. you felt almost as if you were talking his ears off just to watch his eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips.

for a moment you thought he was an actual angel on earth sent down to bless your body with some holy feeling. but the feeling was much less than holy. the exact opposite to be specific. maybe an angel sent from hell.

"y/n…y/n!" you said, getting snapped out of your thoughts by josh tapping you on the side of your arm.

"what?" you barked back, clearly annoyed.

"danny asked you a fucking question dip shit." josh yelled into your ear.

"shut the fuck up josh, youre so loud! sorry danny, i was in my own world for a second!"

"that's okay, y/n. i was wondering if you were going to be at the show tonight. maybe we could all go to a bar after the show." he suggested.

"oh definitely! that sounds like so much fun."

the boys were kicking off their first leg of tour right here in their home state, michigan.

the rest of the day was spent in that little cafe, you taking in every beautiful detail of what was the man in front of you.

when it was time for your departure, you hugged them all goodbye.

"bye you guys! see you tonight!" jordan said, walking back to the car with daniel.

"he is really cool." you said looking down at your feet.

"told you." josh said with a smug smirk.

josh dropped you off at your house before going to the venue he needed to be at for sound check.

you quickly ran to your room, desperately searching for an outfit when you came across two items you knew would work well together. you decided to go with the band's theme.

you dressed in a body suit that was a gold velvet texture. it was two pieces of material covering your tits just right. it gave enough cleavage but you could jump around to the music if you really wanted. you found a chain belt to hang around your waist. it was also gold with suns on it. the suns has faces on them and it was very much one of your favorite possessions.

you paired them with nude stilettos and started on your makeup. you went with a basic gold glitter on your eyelids with black winged liner. you carefully placed gemstones under your eyes, mimicking what josh usually has when he's on stage.

you took an uber to the venue, not wanting to deal with the mess that was parking. as you went behind the building, you showed your pass to the security guards and met up with the boys backstage as they were about to go on. you saw the kiszka's, danny and everyone's girlfriends but dannys.

as you walked up to danny, asking him where jordan had been.

"she had to be with her family, it was an emergency." he said, he sounded sad but not too bad to the point you felt the need to feel bad for him. maybe this was your chance. with all the pent up energy he'd have from performing, he'd need to take it out somewhere. right?

you gave him a long hug before slowly taking a curl of his into your hand and slowly slid it between your two fingers.

"you look good tonight. goodluck." you whispered into his ear, placing a hand on his chest before walking away to get a drink. you smirked to yourself, hoping you had gotten to him. you'd definitely shown enough of your tits for him to check you out at least a couple times at the cafe earlier in the day.

as you went back backstage, you saw the boys giving it their all to the fans. as you leaned against a wall, you noticed danny eyeing you every so often when josh would take a moment to give the crowd a heartfelt speech.

as you took a sip of your white claw, you managed to "accidentally" dribble some onto your chest. you made a fake surprised face and took the drops of it onto your finger. making sure danny was looking, you lapped the liquid off your finger, making eye contact with danny.

you watched danny take a hard gulp, shaking whatever thoughts he had going on in his beautiful mind.

during their last song, you made your way to his changing room. you took a seat on his couch, crossing your legs and scrolling on your phone mindlessly until you heard the doorknob turning. you quickly shoo-ed your phone away and put on a smug smirk plastered on your face.

as he walked into the room, he was shirtless and covered in sweat. if he asked you to, you'd lick the sweat off the soft skin of his chest. his chest was moving like mountains, heaving up and down because of the adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

"what are you doing here, y/n?" he sounded shocked. really you couldn't blame him.

"hm. just..chilling i guess, daniel."

you could tell your words were working their magic. his eyes slowly darkened as his pupils expanded, making his eyes look black and full of pure lust. you looked at him with hooded eyes as you got up, dabbing his sweat off with a cooled towel.

"you seemed distracted daniel. what happened tonight?" you giggled as you slowly backed him up against the counter multiple makeup products were laid on.

"you know what the fuck my problem was y/n." his voice was much darker now, sending another gush of desire in between your legs.

"tell me, my sweet daniel. what was the problem." the sentence was more of a command at this point. both of your voices were low, not risking getting caught by any of the other brothers.

"my problem is that you eye fuck me any and every chance you get." he said through gritted teeth.

you softly placed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"i'm so much better than her daniel. i promise you that."

as you slowly pulled away from his body, he brought you back in with his hands digging into your skin.

"y/n.." he muttered.

"i've looked at you for so long, daniel. imagining how you'd feel against my body. imagining how much heat our bodies could produce together."

"if you keep talking like that i'm ripping your clothes off and fucking you dumb right here, right now." he said, pushing his very noticeable boner onto your thigh.

you were once, lost for words. not a single thought other than fucking the man in front of you were floating around your pathetic little mind.

"you don't think i didn't notice when you were bending over the table today? showing me your tits?"

you felt your bodies switch places. you were now pressed against the counter. you both were unbelievably hot and bothered. danny leaned down to place little kisses to your neck.

"what? you'd love be my filthy fucking secret. wouldn't you? getting fucked by me everytime shes not around."

"i'd love to be your dirty little secret, danny." you said, nibbling his ear lobe before slowly falling down to your knees. you undid his belt and undoing his pants. you watched them fall to the ground. you were left with his dick print outlined on his boxers. you wanted nothing more than to pull them down his thighs and shove his cock down your throat. yet, you refrained of doing so. you wanted to take your time with him.

you slowly outlined the tip of his cock, licking up the precum that had beaded through the fabric. you savored the salty taste on your lips before slowly pulling down his boxers. you softly gasped at his size, looking up at him.

"be a good girl and suck my cock like you're supposed to." he muttered, looking down at you. his hair was softly framing his face, his lips turning red due to softly biting on them.

you did as you were told and started with the tip, getting it wet and slobbered up. after doing so you ran your tongue under his shaft before taking about half of his dick into your mouth. he gathered your hair into his hand and made a ponytail with it, holding it together.

"c'mon now, you can do better than that. now can't you?" he said, pushing his cock down your throat. you let out a rather loud gag.

"look at you. acting like a whore and you can't even take my fucking cock." he growled, giving you a slap to your face.

he pushed his cock down your throat once more, leaving it there for a second.

"breathe through your nose, calm down." he smirked, loving to watch the struggle. when you gargled against his dick he let you off. a thick strand of spit connecting you to his cock. your mascara was slowly running down your face from your eyes watering while you gagged.

he stood you up, slipping you out of your body suit. you kicked your shoes off and he did so. the kiss you were currently sharing was full of moans and wet noises.

he pushed you back onto the couch and bent down to his knees. he slapped your pussy a couple times, causing you to jerk your body.

"danny please-"

"don't fucking speak unless your calling me daddy. do you understand?"

you were yet again at a loss for words.

"yes…i- yes daddy."

he pulled you to his mouth, giving a big fat lick, licking up every ounce of wetness you'd produced.

"you taste like fucking heaven. and this? is this for me?"

you nodded as he went back down on you. you covered your mouth, trying to be as quiet as possible.

he sucked on your clit, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. the hand that was placed over your mouth was now yanking hard on danny's hair.

"fuck daddy, youre so fucking good- holy shit!" you whisper yelled as intense pleasure coursed through you.

"let me hear you. your pathetic whines."

"danny what abou-"

"don't. fucking. question me." he barked out at you.

he fucked you with his tongue, causing you to tense every muscle in your body.

"daddy- fuck! i'm gunna-!" you cried out as you came over his face. he pulled away, his chin glistening with your arousal.

as you caught your breath, he walked over to grab his belt.

"on your knees." was all he spoke as you sat on your knees, facing away from him.

he grabbed your hands and quickly tied them together with his belt. how he knew how to do this? you would never know. and never would you have ever guessed daniel was so kinky.

he pushed you down, your chest hitting the back of the couch. a rough moan released from deep within your chest when danny stuffed his cock into your cunt. wet noises were bouncing off the walls, along with daniel's grunts and your moans. he grabbed your hands that were now tied together, using it to thrust into you. he took no time before going at almost impossible pace.

you were taking every feeling in, you couldn't help but let your mind go blank. your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your mouth was hung open.

"look at you. putty in my fucking hands. you came at me and now my cock is too much for your pathetic little self." he said, giving your ass a good couple slaps.

you started drooling, like you cared. you'd be a mess after this anyway. he threw his head back and gave the other side of your ass the same amount of slaps, evening everything out.

you were so close to the edge. so so close to feeling that burst of release you've been needing for god knows how long.

"daddy- i'm so close. don't stop- oh fucking god! don't fucking stop!"

a couple more thrusts and danny was pushing his cock further into you, painting your walls with his cum. you on the other hand, started to cry as you felt your orgasm. the feeling being almost too much for you. you were almost screaming by the time you were shaking over daniel's cock.

both of your breaths were unsteady and heartbeats going as fast as rabbits.

"holy shit." he said as he pulled out. his cum leaked out of you as he undid the belt around your wrists.

"look at that. my very own cock slut. hm." he said in almost a coo-ing voice.

he helped you wash up and even took your makeup off of your face before changing into some of his comfy clothes. you left long before he had to.

at the end of the day you felt happy you finally got what you needed. you were sore most definitely, but so fucking happy.

#greta van fleet #gvf #josh kiszka #greta van fleet smut #jake #jake kiszka #sammy #sammy kiszka smut #danny #danny wagner smut #daniel wagner #danny wagner #danny gvf #daniel gvf #joshua gvf #josh gvf #jake gvf #jacob gvf

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moldspace · 1 year

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10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 29, & 30

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

i'm terribly neglectful of my clothing drawing skills. it's something ive been meaning to practice but i just don't get around to it. i love the IDEA of drawing silly long medieval-style hoods on creatures. i rarely do them justice though. i really just want to get good at drawing silly historically accurate medieval clothes to be honest with you.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

ok i just answered this but ill expose myself and go into detail RE: tunes. lately it's been a lot of fish in a birdcage and crane waves, for whatever reason. i also have been kinda getting into oingo boingo and bjork... dabbling in them really, both are hit or miss for me. but as always when i need to get pumped up slayyyter or kim petras (turn off the light... album of all time tbh)(and stupid boy is the SONG OF ALL TIME!!! IMO). and cosmo sheldrake (especially his instrumental stuff) if i need a more chill background noise. (my music taste is. all over the place.)

12. Easiest part of body to draw

ooh possibly insane to say but i think my fav/most comfortable thing to draw lately has been faces! i'm not sure about EASIEST, i feel like that always depends on pose and stylization. if we want to get technical i think probably the torso is the easiest thing to draw. just kind of stylize it into a tube. that's definitely not what this question was asking though. ANWAY!

already answered 13 and 14~

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

most of my sketchbooking is done at my kitchen table or sometimes in class. my digital art setup is a big gaming laptop + a screened tablet so she stays at my desk, not very portable at all. the sculpture painting situation is EVEN LESS portable so that's pretty much exclusive to ~My Basement~

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

ohh inchresting question. i feel like the things i'm good at i've gotten good at because they're enjoyable, and i don't do the unenjoyable things enough to know if i'm good at them or not? honestly though, i don't like underglazing very much. i like the results i can get with it, but it's pretty tedious. glazing on the other hand i dislike and am also bad at maybe picking color schemes as well. people say i'm good at colors and it's true but the amount of trial and error that goes into it is such a pain!

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

usually i'm too absorbed with what i'm doing to. and when i'm working on sculpture it's hard to eat or drink anything without getting clay dust/paper mache glue/paint on and in my food! although when i really need a push to work on something i'll make myself a cup of earl gray to keep me company. 50% chance if it gets drank or if it gets cold tho.

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

this is hard because i think everything i like sneaks into my art one way or another! maybe the uncanny/spookier art i like. it's not strictly MEDIA, but i have some niche macabre interests like historical burial customs and ancient mummies (natural and man-made), anatomy and physiology, taxidermy, pathology, etc. that i don't think pop up that much in my work.

and i answered 30 already!

#ask #ask game #my vet anatomy physiology class was SO cool and i passed with an A by drawing every anatomical feature over and over to memorize it LOL

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xfindingtrouble · 11 months

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the devil's after both of us. (Vax to Percy)

" mhm. it's part of our charm, don't you think? " his words dance off his tongue with a post-drunken sarcasm. it's nearly funny, that Vax is the one who knows, who see's. That Percy has the opportunity to see him as well. Out of anyone, Vax is the only one willing to face the darkness that nipped at Percy's heels. Perhaps it was because it followed Vax too, casting a shadow over past & present alike. It drives them to fight & survive & do whatever it takes to do so... regardless of any ugliness it took to do so. There were things they needed to do, and ideas to protect.

What macabre common ground to find, illuminated by the fading light of the tavern they had holed up in. It was always a bit odd, to spend time alone with Vax'ildan. Percy mused was like walking a tightrope, deciding which way Percy may want to fall.

Something was thrilling about being challenged. It always made Percy feel too alive, his heart hammering inside of his chest as it threatened to leap out at Vax. It made it hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to distance himself from the heated moments they shared. But just as intoxicating, were moments like this. Familiarity, understanding, it was all hard to come by.

tonight has been entirely too genuine, likely fueled by the drinks Percy kept ordering one after another. it was easier to fuel the momentum when he took the edge off his mind when he didn't want to think twice ( or three times, as he was prone to. ) They had spent to evening trading quips & allusions to the men they were. Infuriating, dangerous & often flawed it was magnificent to observe & be seen. The night was simmering to an end as was the haze that brought on such honesty, but other, clearer feelings still lingered. It was a mess of emotions he couldn't quite place, a draw he felt when he settled too naturally at Vax's side.

" When you know the devil is at your heels, you always want to look at him. see what he's up to. doesn't leave a lot of room to look forward. " the sarcasm slides away as he meets Vax's gaze, looking for the understanding he craves but struggles to ask for. it feels strange, like he's confessing to Vax in a moment separate from the rest of time. it feels like he has to pluck the words from his ribcage, presenting them to harvest. At least Vax knew they may make him sick if he indulges. Perhaps this is why his expression now falls, resenting how easy they were to reach under Vax's presence. Percy lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, " But you know that, don't you? "

It was too real. Percy felt just as alive as he did when he & Vax caught one another's frustrated glances from across a room. Maybe more. Sharing sentiments, finding common ground that often feels out of reach when balancing the dynamics around them. True, there was always something worth keeping to their chests but unfortunately, there was just as much worth sharing. Percy liked scanning the metaphorical emotional passages Vax was willing to lay before him, enjoying the opportunity to peer over his carefully constructed walls to see what lies beyond.

But, Percy would be a liar if he claimed he didn't enjoy being nestled in the back of this tavern, shoulder to shoulder, flipping through the pages of one another's life. he's not sure when he leans so close. a breath away, he sees vax - he sees the details of a face tired as his, lovely in its survival. a surge of something close to boldness, maybe the desire, washes over him & he closes the space between them too quickly. a kiss, more eager than he means to be, though he doubts he could define what he means to begin with.

he wants to be closer, closer, closer yet & it is maddening. But this moment removes him from the past and catapults him into the moment. Percy recoils just as quickly as he pushes, reluctantly tearing his lips away before there is a moment to think. ( that was stupid, incredibly stupid ) He clears his throat, casting his gaze to the table in front of them. Percy wishes he was drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol but even he knows better. Even now he feels like he's caught in a sort of spell, drawing him back in. So he does something difficult for him: he tells the truth, " I'm not sorry. "

#cryptiique: vax #cryptiique #ch. percival de rolo #shakes them around in a bag like the little girl in finding nemo #comment cards ( answered. )

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vikdrain · 2 years

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headcanons of viktor when the reader feels sad, i beg you

viktor x sad!reader hcs

[ i waited to do this request for when i was actually sad LMAO highly dedicated to my work here so here it is ]

+ he tries his best to be comforting, he really does, although his instinct is to provide logical help, he tries harder to be the emotional support you need

+ before he figured out how to comfort you most effectively, he would sit there without a single clue how to approach your wallowing self, he was afraid of saying something unintentionally insensitive, accidentally causing you to drift apart because he couldn't properly be present for you in a hard time

+ as quite the emotionally unstable person himself, it's difficult to provide something he doesn't even have, but he was determined, for you

+ he was careful to make sure his tone was always gentle, but not in a patronizing or belittling way, he knew all too well how offensive that feels

+ instead of asking if you're okay (when you're visibly not), he just asks what he can do for you- if you need him to just listen, he'll listen to every single word that left your lips without interrupting, taking in every syllable with occasional nodding and hums- if you need advice, he'll try his best to give his best judgment while still considering your feelings, a loving honesty that you can appreciate in the long run- if you need to just have him there, he'll stay by your side as long as you need

+ often asks for you two to sit before you vent or anything, he'll offer any form of physical contact if it means it'll wipe away your sadness- you could straddle his lap with your face in the crook of his neck, the rivers flowing from your eyes trickling down and staining his vest, the vibrations of your voice hitting his skin, his fingers delicately tracing circles on the smalls of your back or on the sides of your thighs

+ you could lay your head in his lap, letting him comb through your hair with his hands as you stayed in silence, not wanting to speak about it, and he would respect it, never forcing you to do anything even though it would help him a whole lot more if he knew what was going on in detail- he knows that sometimes it's difficult to put it into words, it'd make it worse if he tried to coax a jumbled explanation out of you

+ once tried to cheer you up by using the hexclaw to carve a heart in a slab of stone with very crude drawings of you two together- it filled him with an irreplaceable warmth to see you start to laugh when he presented to you

+ "is this supposed to be us?"

+ "carbon copy, don't you think?"

+ if the matter isn't so serious, he uses light-hearted, stupid jokes to get you smiling again, sometimes he doesn't even mean for it to be a joke but it works 98% of the time

+ he won't hesitate to take breaks from work if you need him to be with you

+ sometimes your venting can lead to incredibly deep conversations between you two, bringing you closer together, an emotional bond that would be nearly-impossible to shatter, a link that simply cannot be penetrated, you can truly relate to each other in ways that others have difficulty sympathizing with

+ if it was another person who put you in this state of sorrow, it would be excruciatingly difficult for him to not consider beating them with his cane, but most of the time he can contain himself, most of the time

+ "i'm just saying, it would get the message across."

+ "viktor no-"

#viktor x reader #viktor headcanons #viktor the machine herald #viktor arcane #arcane #arcane viktor #viktor league of legends #arcane headcanon #arcane headcanons #arcane imagines #viktor imagine #arcane x reader #arcane league of legends

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raggaraddy · 3 years

Text

Sugar Daddy turned sour

Request: Hi!!!! read all of ur works its all amazing cant believe ur new.. can i request for a yan sugar daddy taehyung x reader x yan sugar daddy jungkook. they found out that that y/n have 2 sugar daddies and they lost their sanity(as if they even have that)...Thank u and YOU GOOD,KEEP GOING💜💞💞💞💞😘😁

A/N: I don't know how to post a reply to a personal message yet because I am new and Tumblr deficient 😅 But I hope you like the scenario ^-^ thanks for the request 💜

Here for Part 2

Summary: Juggling two guys and getting everything you want from them has always been easy for you, and Taehyung and Jungkook are no exception. Or so you thought.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of non-con, assault, cheating, violence.

Yandere! Taehyung

Yandere! Jungkook

Sunday. Taehyungs day.

You open your webcam, checking your eyeliner quickly in the startup view as you wait for the Tae to pick up on the other side. He pops up quickly a beaming smile filling his face.

“Y/n! Baby, I’ve missed you.” He’s radiant. As happy and as bubbly he always is.

You go along listening to him excitedly run through his past few days, telling you everything in excruciating detail as he jumps from one half-finished thought to another. He may be an adult but he certainly has a young soul. The whole while you feign attention, your fingers continually fidgeting with the diamond necklace or the matching bracelet he had sent you a few weeks back.

“How was your weekend?” He finally gets around to asking.

“Not so good. I always have to work so much," You complain, batting your eyes at the camera.

“You could always quit and come live with me.” He jokes-but not really. It’s a topic he has raised 3 times already. And you have the same answer ready as always.

“Daddy, you know I’m a strong and independent woman. I could never let someone else pay for me.” You pout, running your tongue over your lower lip while pushing your chest up a little to draw attention. “It’s just my rent is so expensive. I feel like I work just to pay the bills.”

In truth, your rent is already being covered by someone else. But he doesn’t need to know that.

While you continue to run through the fabricated details of your weekend, Taehyung is distracted, looking down at his phone. You know what's happening. It’s like a game. And you’re winning. Your banking app sends a notification, letting you know that K. Taehyung has just sent you a payment.

You open it up. Yep. That's rent for the month. Or more, money for that new TV you wanted.

“Oh! Daddy, noo.” You whine down the camera. “You can’t. I am okay. Really. Please don’t spend your money on me.” You frown if only to stop the smile that is fighting to fill your face.

“I want to baby. I have the money, and I just want you to be happy. Don’t stress about bills okay. I’m here.”

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy.

“Okay Daddy, if you insist.”

Tuesday. Jungkooks day.

With Jungkook it’s a much more straightforward transaction. He has said he wants to pay for you and he hates the back and forth pretences. He just wants you to say thank you, smile pretty, and give him all your attention.

“Do you need anything more for the week?” He asks through the camera.

“No Daddy, you take such good care of me. Thank you.” You smile.

“You still have the weekend of the 14th off?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. Off-screen you quickly scan through your calendar.

14th, 15th and 16th: Jk weekend.

Hmm, that came up quicker than you expected. You try to keep your booty calls with them as far apart as possible.

“Of course, I’m so excited! I haven’t seen you in weeks.” You say, it been less than 100% truthful.

“Months.” He corrects with a surreptitious undertone.

“Where are we staying this time?”

You always insist to stay in hotels. Because ‘your apartment feels too busy and mundane, and you want the time you spend with him to be magical and undistracted’. Honestly, you just don’t want him, either of them, in your personal space. You purposefully chose boys who live a few hours away. It’s hard enough to keep them separated in your everyday life with them being far away. It could only get messy for them to know where you live and how to reach you in person.

You’ve certainly gotten smart at this. Arranging the two men into different days of the week, scheduling them into your calendar to keep them apart and unaware of the other. Both had specifically said very early on that they do not want to share you with anyone else. And that you were all theirs. And while both of them seemed to trust you, you knew their reactions would be unpleasant, to say the least, if they found out about the other.

Sugar Daddies can be so possessive.

But while both these men are very handsome, money is better and more reliable than boys. And if they are stupid enough to spend it all on you, why should you care.

The week passes quickly and it’s the 14th. Once more you find yourself in the lobby of a 5-star hotel. Jungkook arrived in town early and sent you a message with the room number.

Time to actually work for your money.

You knock on the door only to find it slightly open. Entering there is a trail of rose petals lining the floor leading into the suite. All the lights are dimmed with a warmth of candlelight filling the room. This is so typically Jungkook. Pulling out all the stops to try to impress.

Dropping your bag at the entrance, you close the door behind you and explore inwards.

“Daddy?” You call out in a singsong voice. Your heels clack on the tiled floor as you round the corner into the living room. Jungkook is sitting on the lounge, one leg crossed over the other, arms rested up over the back. You smile at seeing him. You always seem to forget just how stunning he is in person.

“Which one of us are you referring to?” A deep voice startles you from behind. You jolt, spinning to see Taehyung standing behind you leaning against the wall.

Holy fuck.

Your mind starts to jumble through what is happening. Thinking about what it was that might have given you away. Evaluating how much they may know. And planning your next move.

Damn it. You doubt you’ll be able to smooth talk your way out of this with Jungkook. He’s too direct and absolute. So you’ll just have to accept that that relationship is over. However, you might be able to salvage this situation with Taehyung if you play your cards right. Being defensive should do the trick.

“What is this?” You snap, keeping focused on Taehyung. “This is such a violation of my privacy! You keep smothering me Taehyung! See this is why I tried to find someone else to hang out with.” You stomp your foot. He would always wrap around your finger so quickly with the little girl act.

“Ha!” He blurts out a short laugh in contradiction to how you expected him to react. “Wow. No, go on. I want to see where this is going.”

“Do you think we only just found out about each other?” Jungkook pipes up, coming from the couch.

You sigh. You had almost saved enough for a holiday to the Maldives too. But they seem to know too much. Fine. You can burn both relationships. They were starting to get too clingy anyway. “Whatever.” You roll your eyes. You got all you could from them. Time to move on to the next.

As you shrug them off, Taehyung steps into the path of the front door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Both he and Jungkook start to close in tighter. There is a cold tone to his words. Something far too close to a threat for your comfort. Even in heels, both men naturally stand taller than you which usually wouldn’t bother you. But with an unsteadiness to your footing and a very short dress on, in a dark room with two men you have used and spurned, you are feeling even more vulnerable than you feel you should.

“Move.” You order.

A smirk on his lips, Taehyung lifts his hand up and backhands you, knocking you back a few stumbled steps. You gasp, your hand clinging to your cheek, eyes wide in shock. He starts forward, Jungkook intervening, standing between the two of you.

You can not believe he just hit you! He has never done anything like that before.

“No, don’t do that.” He stops Taehyung as he starts to swing again. Shaking all over, you’re relieved that one of them is seeing sense. You take the outstretched hand of Jungkook, lip trembling from the burn on your cheek. He draws you closer and you wrap into him for protection. In the same motion, his free hand swings down punching you in the stomach, doubling you over, dropping you to the floor. “If you hit her head, she might get spaced out. I want her to feel this.”

His words send a chill down your spine. This can not be happening.

“Are you crazy!” You gape, trying to speak while gulping down air. Your head is dizzy, your lungs burning. Kicking off your heels for better movement, you climb back up to your feet not wanting to engage either man. Eyes focused you look past Taehyung to the door, storming forward. “I’m leaving. We’ll forget all of this, okay.” You bargain through short, panicked breath.

Taehyungs large hand slams you into the wall, pressing his palm against your shoulder. He follows Jungkooks lead, pounding his fist into your gut. And then again. And again. His hold removes letting you free and you plummet to the ground, crying within broken huffs while cradling your battered torso.

“You’re right. That is better.” He laughs at Jungkook.

“Stop!” You beg, unable to raise your voice above a soft yelp.

“What's wrong baby? You wanted two men. Now you have them.” Taehyungs bright smile returns to his face. This time with an entirely different meaning than it had ever had until it shifts into a straight, harsh look that you have never seen from him. “Didn't you always say you wished there was some way you could repay me?”

“You said that to me too.” Jungkook joins his side, both hovering above you, trapping you between them, the wall, and the floor.

Leaning down Jungkooks hand follows you as you squirm away from him. His fingers wrapped around your throat and lift you up, keeping you against the wall. He takes advantage of you being stuck, leaning into you pressing his lips to yours as you resist as much as you can.

“Baby, you’re going to pay us back for every dollar we spent on you.” He snarls.

Taehyung turns your face to him, also forcing a kiss on you. “Don’t worry, Y/n, you’ll see that we know how to share.”

Part 2

#yandere bts #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #sugadaddy #cheating #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts #yandere #yandere bangtan #taekook #bts reactions #bangtan reactions #jungkook #taehyung

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angellesword · 3 years

Text

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK | 15 (FINAL)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 4k

SERIES: CHAPTER 14 | SPECIAL CHAPTER

"You sure you don't need anything?"

You weren't sure if it was annoyance or amusement that caused you to chuckle upon hearing hesitation in your father's voice.

"I'm good, Appa." You assured him, "it's just Jeongguk. Don't worry."

You were wrong. He wasn't worried because of Jeongguk. He was worried because of you.

"Okay," your father let out a deep sigh as he tried to calm his mind. "I trust your soulmate. Have fun, love."

And just like that, the call ended.

Soulmate.

After everything that had happened, your father still believed that Jeongguk was your soulmate.

You still did too. How could you deny that fact when you could clearly see colors now?

It had been four months since your eye surgery. You didn't think it was going to be a successful, mainly because you were convinced that Jeongguk's hatred towards you was the reason why you went blind.

Apparently, it was your fault.

You knew it was reckless to drive when you were under the influence of alcohol. This wasn't just about you. This was also about the people who could have suffered because of your stupidity.

Your father was actually disappointed in you. He didn't expect you to do something like this, especially because he knew that you had a careful approach in life.

You hated being a burden. Your greatest fear was to be the reason why someone was hurting. Your father didn't understand what ticked you to break out of character, and so he asked. He asked what was wrong—causing you to break into tears.

You couldn't keep this to yourself anymore.

You told him about everything you had been going through—like how your soulmate didn't love you and how stressful being a lawyer was.

Of course your father understood, but he told you that it wasn't an excuse to put yourself and other people in danger.

There were other ways to welcome or ignore pain. You agreed since it wasn't like you planned this to happen.

Your father didn't believe in you, though. He felt like you were trying to harm yourself. This was why he called you every single day. He wanted to make sure that you weren't driving or doing things you weren't supposed to do.

He freaked out when you told him that you were going out with Jeongguk tonight. It wasn't because he hated your soulmate. Admittedly, he felt like you were lying when you told him that Jeongguk didn't love you.

That can't be right. It was obvious. Your father had met your soulmate and he saw the way Jeongguk looked and talked about you. He couldn't be wrong; the boy destined to be with you was whipped—as in madly in love with you.

His claim turned out to be true when right after your surgery; you gasped and cried so hard because finally, you could see colors.

It was too good to be true. Was this seriously happening? Was Jeongguk really in love with you?

You couldn't tell.

You used to think that seeing colors was the indication of your soulmate's love for you, but it had been months now yet Jeongguk hadn't verbally told you that he loved you.

Sure. Actions spoke louder than words. You guessed you just had to be contented with this.

The past four months felt like a dream. Jeon Jeongguk, the most stubborn and egotistical person in the world, was acting like a lovesick fool because of you.

You told yourself that you did not want to love your soulmate. You stood by this. You had been ignoring Jeongguk's attempt to 'win you over.'

(Un)fortunately, the boy just wouldn't stop.

He would send you letters written in a small sticky note every day just to tell you the sappiest thing. On the other side of the sticky note, there's an exquisite drawing of every detail about you.

You realized that it was some sort of puzzle, but you hadn't really had the chance to piece it together because you were too caught up with the words written in the sticky notes.

Note 1 Red Red is the first color in the rainbow. She is my first love, but it ended. I'm saying this because I realized that the start isn't always the end. She’s the beginning, you are my end game.

This was the first note you had received from your soulmate. It was plastered on your front door—this was also the first thing you had seen after you had been discharged from the hospital.

Note 2 Orange Orange is the color I thought I know by heart. As it turns out, I've been fooled. I have been fooled by the world, but it's okay. You helped me see.

This note was unclear to you, yet it didn't fail to make your heart feel light. You weren't aware that Jeongguk was talking about how the florist who sold him orange tulips for almost a decade, the one who fooled him.

No one could take advantage of him now, though. You helped him with this problem.

Note 3 Yellow My mom said that yellow is the prettiest color. She also said that it shines the brightest. I'm glad I didn't believe her. It wasn't bright at all. It only reminds me of the time I thought I'll lose you.

It took you long to realize what he was implying.

Yellow.

This was the color of your shirt when your car crashed. Jeongguk remembered how dark life was when you were pushing him away.

Your soulmate had sent you hundreds of letters by now. All of his notes started with colors. Out of all the things he sent you, the yellow note was what stuck to you the most.

The black world was frightening. It felt cold and lonely and Jeongguk was exactly like that. He was lonely. He suffered from a major heartbreak that was why he turned cold. He hated what Red had done to him, but he wasn't really different from his ex-girlfriend.

Jeongguk hurt you the same way Red hurt him, but your soulmate was willing to do everything to make it up to you.

Aside from the notes, you also found out that Jeongguk was the one who cooked your food each day. You got mad at Red because she failed to tell you the truth. There was even a point wherein you stopped eating the food your soulmate had prepared since you literally didn't want to do anything with him anymore.

Jeongguk was still persistent. He would always pick you up from work and then he would ask if you wanted to grab dinner with him.

You always declined his offer to take you out. Turning him down was always part of your daily routine, so you didn't know what changed this Saturday night.

Why, after four months, did you finally accept Jeongguk’s attempt to ask you out?

"Can't resist his bambi eyes, can you?" Jimin laughed on the other line. Your best friend called right after your short phone conversation with your dad. It was like everyone was interested in your business tonight.

"It's just one date, Jimin," you rolled your eyes, yet the blush in your cheeks indicated that Jimin was right.

You still couldn't resist Jeon Jeongguk.

It wasn't like you were giving into him. No. It would take more than his wide, doe eyes to melt your cold, cold heart. He hurt you after all.

But last night was different.

You were supposed to have dinner with your subordinates since it was Friday, but then you spotted Jeongguk waiting outside the building of your small law firm.

He was standing there with trembling lips. Your soulmate was freezing under the cold winter, yet he still chose to wait for you.

You see, Jeon Jeongguk was banned from entering your office. You told the securities not to let him in since he was distracting everyone at work.

Your employees just couldn't stop gushing over your soulmate to the point that they weren't able to finish their task for the day. They were always trying to get Jeongguk's attention and the most annoying part was that your soulmate didn't seem to mind—not because he was a flirt too. It was actually because he was too naïve for his own good.

So yeah. You banned him from entering the building because he was a distraction and definitely not because you were blinded by your stupid jealousy. No. Not at all.

He was your soulmate, yes, but it didn't mean you had to stay together. The only thing you two should do was to try to be casual and not hate each other.

You couldn't afford to make Jeongguk hate you. This was the only rational reason why you agreed to go out on a date with him tonight. You were just scared and guilty for letting him wait for you in the snow.

"Whatever you say," you could imagine Jimin's teasing expression despite not seeing his face. "Have fun, okay? Love you!"

"Ditto! See you soon," you pressed the end bottom of your phone as your doorbell rang.

Seven pm. You bit your lower lip, glancing at the clock. Jeongguk was right on time. He told you last night that he would be outside of your door at exactly seven in the evening.

You sighed and fixed your hair a little before opening the door.

Jeongguk practiced speaking the things he would say to you tonight in front of the mirror. He swore he prepared so hard because he didn't want to disappoint you. He felt like this was his only shot with you, unfortunately it seemed like he was destined to fuck things up with you again.

"Oh fuck," his eyes dilated upon seeing you.

You were wearing this pretty dress that accentuated your curves. You looked so expensive and exquisite that Jeongguk felt like he was out of place.

Your soulmate was wearing a thick sweater and black sweatpants. His hair was messier because of the winter wind.

"You're not dressed." This was the first thing you said to him. The scowl on your face made him think that you already regretted agreeing to spend this night with him.

He was wrong. You were only frowning because you felt embarrassed. You took your sweet time preparing for this date. You even rushed to buy a fancy dress just this morning, causing you to feel like a fool.

It was clear now that you were more excited than the man who practically begged you to go out with him.

"I-I just thought it'd be better to stay home because of the weather." The boy said sheepishly while showing you the home cooked food he had prepared for this date.

You swallowed hard.

"Come in." And then you opened the door wider for him.

Jeongguk let out a sigh of relief. At least you did not kick him out. He wouldn't know what to do if that happened. He missed your home so much. He missed Miri as well. Too bad the fury pet wasn't around.

Miri visited the Kims' mansion every Saturday. Red picked the cat earlier this day. She said Miri was the only one that could make Soobin smile. Red and Seokjin, the newlywed couple, were only allowed to visit Soobin every Saturday. They always take the little boy to a nice place with your cat Miri.

Jeongguk realized that it was a blessing in disguise that the cat wasn't around since no one was scratching the couch where you and him currently sat on.

Jeongguk's idea for this date night was to simply watch some movies while eating. He thought that this was the perfect plan, sadly it looked like you didn't share the same sentiment.

"Jeongguk," irritation was laced in your voice as you called your soulmate's name.

You were irritated for the reason that you felt like he didn't really want to be here.

Jeongguk seemed preoccupied. It was apparent when you asked him what film he wanted to watch. He simply said 'whatever you want," while staring at you blankly.

You let it pass at first, but you couldn't ignore it now that the movie had ended and it appeared like he didn't even realize.

Jeongguk was silent beside you, but he couldn't sit without fidgeting. The air was awkward. He looked awkward, like he was uncomfortable or something. He wasn't even eating his food.

"Did you like the movie? Were you scared?"

"Uh," Jeongguk was staring again. "I'm...yeah. It's pretty scary,"

"Oh." You narrowed your eyes at him. "I didn't know you were afraid of zombies."

"Yeah. I am," he wasn’t and you knew it.

You huffed, crossing your arms. He was such a liar.

"The movie that we just watched," you gritted your teeth. "Isn't about zombies, Jeongguk. It's not even a horror film. It's Toy Story 4!"

You were annoyed. Why did Jeongguk even ask to be with you when he wasn’t going to pay attention to you or to the things the two of you were supposed to do?

"I'm sorry..."

And there's it again. The insincere apology. He was always sorry, but he never changed.

"You know what? Just go home. I..." You trailed off as tears filled your eyes.

Why did you always have to make a fool of yourself because of him?

"I don't want you here."

Jeongguk's heart sank upon hearing the words that left your mouth.

"No please," he also turned pale, eyes turning wide because he wasn't expecting this date to turn out like this. What he wanted to happen was to enjoy the winter night cuddled with you as the two of you watched a romantic movie.

Jeongguk imagined watching Love 911 to give you an idea of some of the things he wanted to try with you.

"What do you mean no? It's obvious that you don't want to be here. You're not even paying attention."

"It's not like that," he avoided your gaze.

You only scoffed. Typical Jeongguk. Always telling you that you didn't get him.

"Then what is it? Why do you look uncomfortable? Why do you look like you don't want to be here—"

"I told you it's not like that!" He was staring at you using those big eyes. His thin beckoning lips protruded into a pout.

"I just!" He sighed like he found it hard to explain what he felt. "Can't concentrate on other things because all I can think about is you!”

"What—"

He didn't let you finish. Jeongguk was rambling. He was nervous. He didn't want you to get mad at him again.

"Your dress really looks so good on you and your make up is really nice. You're really pretty...and really beautiful and really sexy and I really just...really—"

"Huh." you pouted, slightly cringing because of his excessive use of the word really. "So now you're blaming the way I look?"

You were teasing him to get rid of the funny feeling in your stomach. Damn Jeongguk for confusing the hell out of you. You were supposed to be annoyed, but why were you smiling?

And why the hell was it so easy to melt into him?

"No!" Jeongguk groaned. He was getting frustrated. You seemed to always twist his words and extrapolate things.

"Look..." He closed his eyes since he couldn't bear to look at you anymore. He was scared to see the disappointment in your eyes.

"I just love you okay? Like really, really, in love with you."

Jeongguk's heartbeat doubled when you didn't speak.

Silence engulfed the whole room that he was forced to open his eyes.

His heart went even crazier. It was beating erratically.

Why were you staring at him with an agape mouth?

"What did you say?" You were no longer in the mood to fool around. Sure, you were teasing Jeongguk, but it didn't mean he could also joke about feelings and love.

It wasn't fair.

"I love you?" Jeongguk said, unsure.

He wasn't unsure of his feelings. He just didn't know if you were referring to the last words he uttered.

"You...love me?" You were still in doubt.

Jeongguk simply nodded his head; a soft smile was plastered on his lips as he scrunched his nose. You knew this look well. This was his genuine self and it only meant one thing.

He wasn't lying.

"But..." you bit the inside of your cheek. "This is the first time you told me that."

"I thought it's obvious?" Jeongguk mirrored your confused expression.

He expressed what he felt for you by singing. Jeongguk thought you understood.

You did not. The song lifted your spirit and you also found the gesture sweet, but you still didn't realize it was his way of confessing.

"I mean..." Jeongguk pouted his lips more. "Your eyes tell, right? You can see colors now."

As soon as these words escaped his mouth, Jeongguk felt like he had been hit by a truck—crushing his bones and telling him how stupid he was for crossing the street even though there were signs that told him to stop.

Signs.

The signs had been there all along.

"You love me..." Jeongguk blurted out. His realization was too sudden that he couldn't help but a cry a little.

You panicked as you asked him what was wrong.

"I wasted six months because of how stupid I am!" His answer was unclear.

"Gukkie," you put your hands on the either side of his shoulder, urging him to look at you. "You're not making sense. Speak slowly."

Jeongguk shook his head, tears still painting his cheeks. It was funny how the situation kept on turning around. Just a few breaths ago, you were the one who was on the verge of crying.

"I told you you didn't understand!" Jeongguk was still not making sense, but you decided to stay quiet and let him speak.

It looked like he needed an outlet for the reason that his emotions were overflowing.

"I left b'cause I thought...you...d-din't love me!" He sobbed and your heart cracked.

How could he think this way when all you had ever done was make him feel the love you felt for him?

Jeongguk's twisted expression told you that you had voiced out the question running inside your mind out loud.

"I called you delusional since I believed that you really are," he was bringing back the wounds that you were trying so hard to forget.

Still, you didn't stop him from speaking.

"H-How can you be sure you love me when I myself know that I am not worthy of your love?"

Jeongguk knew that he had always been mean to you. He hadn't done anything to make you fall in love with him that was why he was questioning your feelings.

It wasn't him whom you loved. It was the idea of him being your soulmate. You liked the thought that there was someone out there for you.

It made sense now, though. The fact that he could see colors brightly made him realize that your feelings were real, but it didn't mean he understood your reasons.

Jeongguk stood by his statement. He was unworthy of your love.

"You're not doubting yourself, Jeongguk." You shook your head at him, proving him otherwise. "You are doubting my feelings for you."

This wasn't about Jeongguk's beliefs. This was about you. You grew up thinking that when you felt like everything was collapsing, your only choice was to trust what you feel was right. It's because at the end of the day, you were going to be the one to face the consequence of your actions—not your parents, not your friends, and not even your soulmate. They would be affected by your decisions, yes, but only indirectly.

They could make their own choices that would directly affect their lives even if their choice was based on your decision. People would end up having different results even though they walked on the same path.

"But why me?" Jeongguk sounded broken as he asked this. It hurt you to think that he really thought so lowly of himself.

He couldn't be blamed. He loved Red before; however, it was still not enough. He had moved on from her, but it didn't mean that all the scars would fade away.

His first breakup up caused him to think that despite giving your one hundred percent, it would still be lacking for some people.

But you weren't some people.

You were you and you had your reason.

"Sometimes you don't need a reason to love someone." Your reason was not having a reason at all.

Your soulmate wasn't sure if he agreed to what you said.

Jeongguk didn't believe that just because things existed, it was already valid. Validation cannot be valid if one would not give enough reasons to prove why it's worth validating.

This was the reason why Jeongguk was questioning the love you claimed you felt. He needed reasons. He was just a human after all—always in need of affection and reassurance.

"I mean...I tried thinking of a reason why I shouldn't love you, but I just can't find any." Your confession made Jeongguk blush.

You had always been straight forward.

The way you loved was the opposite of how your soulmate loved. This was probably the explanation why it took him long to admit his feelings for you.

As stated, Jeongguk was in constant need of reason. His drawings of you were his proof of the love he felt.

"If you can't find any reason, then just allow me to tell you the million reasons why I love you."

He didn't wait for your answer. Jeongguk simply moved closer to you. His face was just inches away from yours.

"You're smart." And then he kissed your forehead.

You weren't only a book smart. You were emotionally intelligent. You had taught Jeongguk a lot of things, especially when it came to forgiveness and compassion.

"You're brave." He kissed you left eye.

He remembered the night you told him you liked him. It was in front of many people. You didn't hesitate even when he was running away.

"You're patient and understanding," he kissed your right eye.

You tried to understand Jeongguk's annoying attitude.

"You work hard in all aspects." He kissed your nose.

"You're beautiful," he kissed your left cheek.

You really were. Inside and out.

"It's you,"

Jeongguk didn't know if he could love someone who wasn't you.

"Most importantly, I love you because you are my soulmate." And then he kissed you on the lips.

You laughed in between the kiss, but you didn't stop kissing him back.

Did you forgive him?

The answer was yes.

Were you ready to love him again?

Perhaps.

Were you still hurt by his actions before?

Yes.

Did you want to be with him?

Yes.

There were many questions flooding your mind right now. Some of your answers might not be the truth, maybe you were just too happy right now—caught up in the moment because you were in Jeongguk's arms again.

But it didn't matter now because one thing was sure.

You were willing to love Jeon Jeongguk again because you didn't want to repeat his mistake.

You didn't want to lose your soulmate just because of hatred and denial.

Things were clear now.

Jeon Jeongguk loved you and the world was no longer black and white.

BONUS: (a poem made by young OC that made her realize why she should trust her own feelings)

holy. after 6 weeks???? i’m finally done writing this baby. wow. thank you thank you everyone for reading this—especially those people who never failed to send me feedback. i love you all!

New fic alert! READ HERE >> SAVE ME - Demon!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

YES. I LIKE USING BTS’ songs as the title of my fanfics. 😅

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pilmik · 3 years

Text

No better way to start a writing blog than by writing something completely self indulgent lmao college students this might hit too close to home but in my defense the new sem started and I'm. Mess

Gen: angst ig???some fluff? hurt/comfort? Quite literally just me writing what I want to hear

CW: insecurities, negative thoughts

Wakatoshi loves volleyball

Everyone knows this

Ever since he was little, he's lived and breathed for the sport

There's nothing better to him than the feeling of the ball hitting his hand, the adrenaline rush of a scored point, the satisfaction of a game well won

He didn't get this far on enjoyment alone though

As his s/o, you know this better than anyone, save for his coaches and teammates of course

You know the effort he's put in, you know that for every second he shines on the court in front he's spent hours practicing alone or with his teammates

And he shines on the court

Watching him play will never fail to make your heart stutter and your lungs feel like they're not getting enough air

After being with him as long as you have, you know enough about volleyball to know that Wakatoshi is something special

His speed, his strength, his reliability

No matter how many times you see that spike, the sound of the ball hitting the floor stays deafening

Wakatoshi was made to play Volleyball. It's an objective fact. Sometimes you think that the sport loves him just as much as he loves it

Sometimes, you get so jealous you could scream

one of the perks of being the volleyball captain's s/o is that you always get the best seats

You watch front row as your boyfriend leads his team to victory, and he always leads them to victory.

You watch, time and time again, as he scores the match point, that sharp wham of the ball hitting the court that sings triumph

Wakatoshi isn't the most expressive person. When his team wins a game, most people would write off his impassive face as nonchalance or as vanity, thinking maybe he's won so many times it doesn't feel like anything for him anymore

But you know him. You know that if you look hard enough at the end of a game, you can see a gleam in his eyes. A gleam that somehow means both satisfaction and hunger

Because while at the end of every game means victory, the end of every game also means the start of a new one, a new challenge, a new opportunity to be on the court. He loves every second of it

You know you're probably the worst person on the world for feeling this way about someone you love, but every time you see that gleam in his eyes, any pride and happiness you feel on his behalf is stained with resentment and an envy so bitter it stays on your tongue for days

You've never had that gleam in your eyes. You've never loved something so entirely, so completely as Wakatoshi loves volleyball

You honestly doubt you ever will

It's not like you're talentless or you don't have hobbies, you have the things you're good at and you have the things you like to do but it's not the same

You want so desperately to know what he feels like, to be doing something and to think, I could do this for the rest of my life and die happy

on your worst days, you wonder why he stays by your side at all

You watch him play, surrounded by his court and his team (no the court or the team, his.) And you wonder what he could get from you that he couldn't get from the sting of the ball on his palm, or the squeak of his shoes on hardwood

He's brilliant, wherever he goes be burns so brightly you swear he leaves scorch marks. What could a forest fire possibly want from a candle?

You watch them play a game against some college team, they win straight sets and Wakatoshi dominated the court, scoring a majority of the points. you're quiet on your way home, and he asks if you were bored by the game

You immediately tell him no, because on most days you love seeing him play, and you try and explain how you feel

He doesn't understand what you're talking about, obviously

Contrary to what most people think, your boyfriend isn't stupid or dense. He has trouble understanding different social cues and conceptualizing some of the more complicated emotions other people feel, but he's not an idiot

But these specific insecurities are something he's never had to face. For him, it's been volleyball since the start. His earliest memories are of his father in the yard, tossing a blue and yellow ball into the air while he sits on the engawa, chubby hands holding tight to a pink vabo-chan plush

It doesn't make sense to him, if you don't have anything like that, then all you need to do is find something you're good at, correct? Then you'll be happy

He tells you this, in his usual matter-of-fact way. (you can imagine how that went)

He doesn't understand why your eyes go glassy, or why you tell him you'll be fine walking by yourself for the rest of the way

But he does understand that he's made you upset, and he knows that he never wants to look into your eyes and see tears that he's put there

As he walks back to his dorm, he's wracking his brain trying to make sense of how you told him you felt, and what he said in response

He's still thinking as he enters the doorway, ignoring Tendou's greeting as he neatly removes his runners and puts them away

This, of course, alerts his redheaded friend, knowing Wakatoshi was taught to mind his manners

He leaves whatever he was doing to see him at the entrance, taking in his pinched expression. He knows that Wakatoshi walks you home after every game, and it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots

He quickly presses the pad of his thumb between Wakatoshi's furrowed eyebrows, smoothing the lines there

"trouble in paradise, Wakatoshi-kun? You can't keep frowning like that you know, you'll get wrinkles! Everyone already thinks you're an old man"

Wakatoshi trusts his best friend, even if he teases him constantly. Besides you, Tendou is his main confidant

He explains what happened much like someone would explain a mission report, in perfect unbiased detail. He tell him what you said, how he thought and responded and your reaction. Tendou is always patient with him, giving him his full attention.

After he finishes his story, his friend sits on his haunches in the middle of the hallway for a few minutes, pointer finger to his chin, head cocked and eyes to the ceiling, hmmmmmming thoughtfully

Wakatoshi waits at the entrance of their dorm room until Tendou snaps his eyes away from the ceiling and onto him

"Wakatoshi kun, I'm going to need you to imagine something for me"

His eyebrows pinch together again, but he nods

"Imagine you never played volleyball, you're exactly the same in every way, except your dad never showed you so you never learned how to play. Try and imagine who you'd be"

Wakatoshi tries his best to imagine, he replaces the blue and yellow ball in his memory with a red one, the bouncy kind they sell in bins at the grocery store. He replaces vabo-chan with some kind of stuffed animal wearing a bow

He thinks about school, about going straight home after class is over, and going to the gym only on weekends

He finds he's skipping parts of his life in large gaps, empty spaces he doesn't know what to do with, his future completely blank. It's terrifying.

Tendou must see the dawning horror on his face because he jumps up quickly with a flourish, clapping his hands together once to draw Wakatoshi out of his daydream

Tendou looks at him, smiling and says "y/n-chan doesn't have their volleyball. Most people aren't as lucky as you, finding your volleyball so early Wakatoshi-kun. Some people never find their's at all"

He stands at the entrance quietly for awhile after Tendou returns to his room, thinking about how scary it felt to imagine, even for a few minutes, his life full of the blanks that his sport filled

He wonders how it would be like to have those blanks empty all the time, with not even a clue how to complete them

Swallowing his pride, Wakatoshi realizes he wouldn't be able to live like that. Wouldn't be able to go forward into such unknowable territory, under such impossible odds

He thinks about you waking up every day, seeing your life full of blanks, and still pushing forwards despite it

He doesn't get much sleep that night.

You wake up in the morning to Wakatoshi's text ringtone

7:10am Toshi <3: Call in sick for first period.

7:10am Toshi <3: I am going to pick you up at 8.

7:13am Toshi <3: I will bring you breakfast.

7:27am Toshi <3: Wear a light jacket, it's chilly.

The half of you that's still hurt over yesterday wants to tell him to shove breakfast up his ass, but then you realise something

You stare at your phone, deeply confused

Doesn't he have volleyball practice before school?

You get ready quickly, and sure enough, when you walk out of your door at exactly 8:00, Wakatoshi is there.

He's wearing his tracksuit and runners, and he hands you a paper bag from the conbini. There's an apple, a bag of grapes and onigiri. In his other hand he's holding a warm drink, written on the lid is your favourite, exactly how you like it

"I am taking you to the park."

You tilt your head up at him, confused

"don't you have volleyball practice?"

"I'm skipping. We are going to feed the ducks."

The idea of Ushijima Wakatoshi skipping volleyball practice stuns you into silence, and you simply follow his lead to the direction of the park, you walking and him doing some sort of ridiculous exercise thing that looks like it'd make you puke

When you get there, you're happy to find that your usual bench is empty.

Wakatoshi pulls a water bottle out of his ridiculously-deep men's tracksuit pockets while you take the bunch of grapes out of the bag, neatly dividing it in half. You decide to take the big half of the grape bunch for once, because he was being a jerk yesterday and you deserve to feed the ducks more than he does. You give him his half and you both start feeding the ducks in silence

After awhile, he decides to speak

"Tendou made me imagine something yesterday"

You turn to face him, but he's still looking at the ducks

"he told me to imagine my life if I'd never played volleyball"

He frowns

"he said to imagine everything about me was the same, except I never started playing. I found that it was difficult"

"there were many things I found I couldn't fill in, both in my life and in myself"

"but the worst part was imagining the future. I couldn't imagine a single thing to put in it"

"I wouldn't be able to live like that. To live every day and see blank spaces and uncertainties. It sounds terrible"

He pauses for a moment and you're like :/ wow king thanks for the pep talk

But he takes a deep breath and he continues

"I think, for a person to face that uncertainty and keep pushing forward, they would have to be exceptional"

Your head snaps to look at him so fast you almost get whiplash

Exceptional

There's a word that you've never used to describe yourself

"I think, that if I knew someone like that, I would tell them that they are strong in a way that I doubt I will ever be"

He finally turns to look at you, and you try your best to see him through the tears distorting your vision

"after awhile of thinking, I finally thought of something that I could put in that blank future. Would you like to know what it was?"

You just nod, not trusting your words. His big hands gently engulf your own and for a moment you're absolutely certain Ushijima Wakatoshi will be the death of you

"if I didn't have Volleyball, if I didn't have a single clue of what I could do with my future, if I still had you by my side, I think I would be alright"

One hit K.O.

He keeps going though, as if he didn't just kill you

"if you would have me, I'd like to be in your blank future. For as long as it takes for you to find your volleyball, I'll be there. If it's months or years or decades,"

"if decades pass and you never find your volleyball, I would still like to stay by your side. Maybe your volleyball is looking for volleyball?"

His face contorts in consideration of the idea, and you can't help but laugh wetly, your tears soaking into his jacket as you bury your face into his arm

He presses a soft kiss to your head

"I apologize for what I said last night. I didn't understand"

You only shake your head

You two sit in companionable silence for a little longer so you can eat your breakfast, then you both walk to second period hand in hand

It's only in the boredom of your math class that you realize the gravity of what your boyfriend had said to you in the park

11:08 you: Tendou

11:08 you: was I tripping

11:08 you: or did Wakatoshi /propose/ to me in the park today

Tendou is typing......

A/N: I've never posted this kind of stuff before so comments would really be appreciated! Like if there's something I could do to make my stuff easier to read or whatever I wanna hear it! Even if it's mean I promise I'll only cry a little

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gureishi · 3 years

Note

okay so~ this HC request is for both saeyoung and GE saeran (vee relationship deal)

so i have this huge white bunny plushie (i'll probably send you a picture of it in DMs). i've had it for a very long time, probably since i was a very little kid. i don't think i'll ever give it away lolol. i go back and forth between just letting it sit around and actually using it, and by "using it" i mean:

i tend to sleep on my side, and i'll wrap my arms (and sometimes my legs) around that thing and hold it securely when i go to sleep. a lot of times, i sorta need to hold onto something when i sleep? or like, have my hand under the pillow (which is still kinda holding it, if you think about it). and so the bunny is great for that. and... i may or may not've put saeyoung's jacket on it a couple of times hehe 👉🏻👈🏻 cos that way i get to hold both! (though i definitely have held just his jacket at least once)

i'll most likely give you a few more details in DMs, but the gist is... what would be their reactions to seeing this? im not exactly ashamed of it but i probably wouldnt do it until i was more comfortable, you know? cos its still kinda... "embarrassing" but on a smaller scale.

[417]

YESSSS I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS ONE.

As I think I’ve told you, I sleep with a very large stuffed leopard named Liliana. So for anyone who’s wondering: yes, it’s me, my partner, Liliana, and our 50 lb pitbull in the bed every night. It’s...something.

So this is just an excellent scenario and everything about it is good.

Also! I dunno if this is relevant, but I figure that in the world of my fic, the boys each have their own bedrooms. Our MC is sleeping in one room or the other, depending on the night—in my story specifically, she’s still sleeping in Saeran’s room like 75% of the time. But over time, it becomes more even. Anyway.

Ahem as always when I write reader X both twins, they are both dating you but not each other. <3

Saeyoung and Saeran with an MC who sleeps with a huge bunny plushie

If you’re a little bit embarrassed about the bunny, maybe you don’t bring her around at first. Maybe you feel a little guilty leaving her at home (or maybe that’s just me), but you don’t want to start off, from the very beginning, bringing a very large stuffed animal into the picture.

But you are so much more comfortable when you sleep with her in your arms! And somehow she makes her way to the bunker—somehow, you have sat her down in a corner (of Saeran’s room, probably) and left her there.

One night you fall into bed early, because you are absolutely exhausted—and this is rare for you, but your head hurts and you need to close your eyes. And they are still up, both of them (of course they are), and it’s so much better to fall asleep hugging something soft.

So without even really thinking about it, you pull the bunny into bed with you. You are in Saeran’s bed, I think—and your head feels so heavy, and the bunny is nice and warm and squishy in your arms. And sometimes it is hard to fall asleep, but tonight, you drift off quickly.

You wake up to the feeling of eyes on your face—because when he looks at you, you are bathed in such vibrant warmth that it’s enough to rouse you even from a very deep sleep.

“Oh,” you mutter, trying to focus on Saeran’s face through the darkness. “Hi.”

His light eyes trail from your face, to your arms, to what is in your arms. You see him look. You blush.

“Who’s this?” he asks—and his voice is so gentle, so sweet, so full of delighted laughter. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced.”

You mumble something, burying your face in the bunny’s soft fur. Saeran sits on the bed beside you and cups your cheek with one cool hand.

You tell him her name—because what else is there to say?—and he gently pats her head.

“She looks soft,” he says. “Can I hold her?”

He is speaking as if she is a live animal, and his eyes are sparkling as if he feels that she is something very precious. Rubbing your sleepy eyes, you hand Saeran the bunny.

“Ohhh,” he says, as he wraps his arms around her. He lets his face fall into her shoulder, and he squeezes her so gently. It’s really something: his hair is lit up by the moonlight, and he’s got the sweetest smile on his face. The bunny almost completely covers his body—he is not a large human being, after all.

It’s so cute you could cry.

“Would you be upset,” you ask him slowly, “if I took a picture of you right now? I want to try and draw this later.”

He looks up at you; he seems somehow childlike all of a sudden: eyes wide and glittering.

“You want to draw us?” he asks. You nod.

“How could I not?”

He’s thrilled. He’s honored.

He is maybe sleeping with the bunny in his arms that night, if you’ll let him.

So for some time, she lives in Saeran’s room.

But one afternoon, you’re hit with a wave of tiredness. You didn’t sleep well the last couple of nights, and your vision is starting to get hazy. You just need to close your eyes, you think—just for a moment.

Saeran is in the kitchen; Saeyoung is in the garage. And it is so cold in this stupid house, and Saeyoung’s room is always warm. Almost unthinkingly, you wander into Saeran’s room and scoop up the bunny. She’s so soft in your arms that you almost fall asleep on your feet.

You meander into Saeyoung’s room and fall face-first onto the bed, arms and legs wrapped all the way around the bunny. And she is comfy, and the bed is soft, and there are so many pillows...

This time, you wake to the feeling of strong, warm arms weaving around your waist.

Automatically, you squeeze your bunny tighter—in turn, the arms hold you tighter, too. You open your eyes.

It’s still light out—you can’t have been asleep for long. Saeyoung has found you here (drawn to you, as he always seems to be), and has wrapped himself around you. You turn your head to kiss his cheek.

“I wanted cuddles,” he murmurs sleepily into your hair. “But it looks like you already found somebody to cuddle with.”

Ah: caught in the act again.

You laugh, feeling your face growing hot. Saeran loves the bunny, but Saeran loves everything, and—and—

“She’s cute,” Saeyoung whispers into your ear. “Just like you.”

“I’ve had her for ages,” you tell him, wiggling her ears in his face. “I didn’t really mean to bring her in here, but...”

Saeyoung shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes. He’s taken his glasses off, and he looks particularly sweet and sleepy.

“Listen,” he mutters. Ah—now he is blushing, his cheeks a lovely shade of pink. “When I came in here and found you and this huge bunny asleep in my bed, I...” He trails off, at a loss for words. “It’s just—you’re—”

Ah, and you love him like this, stammering and enraptured. You roll onto your back and smile into his flushed face.

“Oh, are we taking a nap?”

You turn. Saeran has found you, too—they can’t seem to help always drifting into your orbit, the two of them. He’s in the doorway with an amused expression on his face.

“Yeah!” Saeyoung says, wiggling around beside you. “And did you know we have a fourth member of our family?” He cackles, giving the bunny’s head a little pat. Saeran cocks an eyebrow at him.

“I did,” he says proudly. “You didn’t?”

You sigh, turning to hold out your arms to Saeran. He comes to you—of course he does—and folds himself contentedly into your arms.

And there you are, all four of you: you, your two beloved boys, and a very large bunny.

On one side, Saeyoung is warm and solid. On the other, Saeran is cooler, softer. You’ve got a head on each shoulder, and a comfy bunny in your arms.

You smell soft, well-loved fur and spring rain and smokey honey. You’re enveloped on all sides: safe and soft and warm.

You close your eyes. Just for a minute, you think—or an hour, or maybe two.

You could stay right here, wrapped up in their tender adoration, forever.

#mystic messenger #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #choi sandwich #headcanons #asks #417 #fwends 🥺#<3

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lostysworld · 3 years

Text

My dar(k) ling – The Darkling × reader

Part 13

Masterlist

Pairing: The Darkling x reader

Warnings: none?

Summary: Another fete, another challenge for you and Aleksander. Another person between you and the man you love.

– What the hell is that?

You step on the training ground that you usually keep during archery trainings with young grisha. But seems this time your today's training started without you. Instead of empty space on your usual place a tall young woman is standing next to the line of targets with children not far from them.

Unfortunately, Baghra is here too.

– I found a replacement for you for this day, - the old woman waves her hand and a dark-haired woman sends a suspicious glance towards your side.

– Once it's for a day, and then for a life.

Baghra only rolls her eyes on your barely audible mumbling. When she brings you closer to that woman, you realize you've seen her before during trainings.

– It's Zoya, one of the best grisha in the Second Army.

You trace her slim figure in navy blue kefta with critical glance, waiting patiently for her any reaction. Not that you are against new people, but definitely not today, the day after your latest conversation with the general.

– Zoya Nazyalensky. A Squaller, - she extends her arm for a handshake, and you notice familiar pattern on her sleeve and smirk.

– Yes, I can see that.

Nevertheless, you extend yours in response, with a blank expression.

– She will train them, - Baghra nods towards kids. – While I am dealing with you, young lady.

– What else? - you grit your teeth in annoyance. You still have some lessons with Baghra, but usually they are about one and the same.

– I'm not done abusing you. Not yet.

– I am done.

– What? - the woman raises her brow and stops, turning to you.

– I don't need your lessons anymore. Though I'm grateful for the things you taught me, Baghra.

– Did my son brainwashed you with his teary puppy eyes-

– He has nothing to do with it. I just learned everything I wanted.

You already turn to leave her on the gardens' line, but the old witch doesn't intend to let you go.

– Your ancestors could do incredible things, and you only learned how to summon two elements and think, that you can outdo those grisha, who are here from the childhood.

You freeze on one spot, slowly exhaling and inhaling to calm yourself down. With one swift movement you are standing in front of her again.

– Air I can summon is still in your lungs, so be careful with your words, Baghra.

The corner of her lips twitches, as if she's waiting for a reaction like this. When the first wave of rage passes you relax a bit and you step back.

–And I still think that you are wasting your time here.

– What should I do? - you throw a glance to her, throwing arms to the sides in grim surprise. – To destroy the Fold with my hands?

– It's time for youto decide whose side you are on, girl. Are you with Aleksander, or you are helping to destroy him from the inside.

Your blood turns cold. No wonder, Aleksander became so impulsive with a mother like that.

– As far as I know, the boy still trusts you, Y/N.

– It is the perfect reason for me not to trust you.

The woman shakes her head, seeing the girl in front of her as a lost one for her to save. Worse that her son's influence is her own stubbornness and youth.

– What was Aleksander like? - you draw her attention. – Before the Fold.

– He laughed... A lot.

– Well, he seemed to do this with me either.

– That's what I am talking about, - she comes closer to you making you flinch. – You may bring some light to his life, but you won't change him.

Nonsense. You shake your head. Every new conversation with Baghra leads both of you to her attempts to turn you against the general. Every time. Always.

– I would never ask him to change-

– But it doesn't mean you won't want him to, Y/N. He is used to ruin people who are dear to him.

You lower your gaze, observing the ground. Loud noises from the training ground reach your hearing. Seems Zoya entertains young grisha more than you.

– Well, - you take a step back to show the woman, that your conversation is over. – Seems, my life has been already ruined before I met Aleksander.

The woman scans you with a mixture of judgment and motherly adoration in her eyes.

– There will be no happiness between you, if you are so alike on this point.

– Be that as it may, - with only one sentence Baghra gets to set your mood up and down.

As soon as she nods towards your side, you turn away, heading to the palace, passing by the training ground. Your head is full of useless information and whirlwind of emotions, so you at least can be used as a bad example of a trainer now.

When you get closer to your room, where Genya should meet you to try the fete dress on, you notice a familiar figure behind you. Even not turning your head, you know who it is.

– That's what the general meant, when was talking about constant pressure.

Ivan smirks smugly to himself.

– Oh, shut up, please! - you reach the door and halt to face the intrusive heartrender behind you.

– I am not a little girl, I can cope with it.

– And I am glad to hear it, - his face just perfectly shows how he enjoys himself at the moment.

– Shouldn't you look after your husband, hm?

– He is not my husband-

– Well, he should be.

With that you slam the door in front of Ivan's face, making him drop this mean smile from his face. If you two go on with communicating like this, you will become besties for sure.

You have never felt yourself so stupid and uncomfortable in your entire life like right at the moment, standing near the wall of the ballroom.

Genya abandoned you about a half an hour ago, and you are standing looking at the only one person here, that may draw your attention.

Aleksander spends his time discussing something with lieutenants on the opposite side of the room. Seems he is not interested in the fete or, what's most important, in you.

Not this gorgeous dress you are wearing, not your hairstyle, nothing can make the man turn his glance on your. After your last conversation none of you dared to speak with each other or look at.

Most of dates to the dance are already preoccupied with their partners, and you have only to throw sympathetic glances to Fedyor and Ivan, where one of them sometimes salutes you with a champagne glass by turns.

Not that you are just standing alone, some of familiar grisha join you from time to time having a small talk. And you may even easily escape from this party, but the chance that Genya will catch you somewhere in the corridors is pretty high and unpleasant.

But one small detail doesn't go unnoticed for you. Only couple of seconds ago the music becomes quieter, and you casts a quick glance towards the orchestra. There from their side, Aleksander is looking straight at you.

But it is not a problem at all. This detail doesn't seem to you; as soon as you follow others' glances with yours you notice a person coming to you.

The one you don't expect to see next to ever.

White coat with golden epaulettes, blond short hair and unusual charming smile instead of dull glassy glance.

Vasily Lantsov is walking straight to your side.

People around are not used to see the part of the royal family dancing with someone at parties like this one, so even musicians slow down a bit.

You are not nervous, but the whole scene is like not happening with you, so you just watch.

– Miss Y/L/N, may I have the pleasure of the dance?

His voice pitch is not high, not low, but something in the middle, although not unpleasant to hear.

You hesitate, but feeling of the general's burning glance on your figure makes you smirk slightly and nod, laying your hand in prince's one.

The music halts, but when the young man leads you to the center of the ballroom, it starts again with new force. The constant thoughts, that you are the only couple now and everybody is looking at both of you vanish as soon as Vasily's hand lays on your waistline, pressing you closer to him.

He doesn't talk, but the man is always looking at you, attentively, with the hidden interest, and you unconsciously compare this dance to your first one with general. It is stupid, because, honestly, it's nothing compared to the first fete.

You were kind of in love, charmed by a handsome stately man, who you trust with your life, and what's now?

Lost, without direction, still in love, but more love than in love, you are dancing with the prince, but not enjoying it. Though the dress is charming. With long waves it waltzes with your every movement, black and red.

Your lips touches a one sided smirk and you can only imagine what an impression this dance has on Aleksander. Surely, his subordinates will have a hard day tomorrow.

Fortunately for you, the music stops soon and the man, as a perfect gentleman, lets go of your palm and smiles in the end. You curtsy and step towards another wall, closer to the exit. One dance is pretty enough for tonight.

But when you intend to leave the room, someone's hand wraps around your wrist, slightly squeezing it, and you turn around immediately.

Lantsov doesn't go away, but stands still peering at you.

– Would you like to join me this evening, miss Y/L/N? - your eyes narrow in suspicion. Carefully you try to take your hand away from him.

– Don't think me to be rude, your Highness, but you are not known for spending time with ladies.

The young man smirks to you and you literally feel that burning gaze from another side of the room.

– I am not, but you will rescue me, if do that, - you clearly don't understand his intentions and wince.

– Otherwise, I will be sentenced to never-ending grumbling of my mother about searching for a bride.

– Oh...

– "Oh" indeed.

You barely hold yourself from chuckling, but the the prince steps closer to you, and suddenly you think that this scene can be used as a motivation. Of course, not for you.

– What do I get out of it? - you take his hand, that Vasily gladly offers to you.

– A way out of your difficult situation.

His words lit a sparkle inside of your mind, your thoughts find a common point, and you switch your interested gaze on him.

He waits for a second and casts a glance on that side where the general should be, but you decide not to test your luck, and keep staring right at the blond man in front of you.

Suddenly you remember that the ring Aleksander gave you with the letter is left in your room, on a night stand.

A nasty rotten feeling crawls inside you and all your previous thoughts vanish away.

When you turn to the direction where Kirigan stood, you see no one. There is definitely not a good sign, and you quickly look around to sneak out of the hall without Genya noticing you.

You excuse yourself and runs out of the ballroom. All this evening leaves your head full of conflicting thoughts and feelings, so you just need more fresh air.

Usually it's Aleksander who comes to your room either to make up or to take his time alone while your sleeping. But something is telling you that this day is not one of them. You need to talk to him first.

The door behind general's back slams loudly, he can even hear some of the pictures on the walls shaking. Everything in the war room is left like it was before he left for the fete. But the man isn't the same.

He ruffles his hair, exhaling tensely, marching from one corner to another in strange mix of helpless rage and jealousy.

He doesn't know, what is going on with him. All these day it was not so hard not to pay attention to this girl, and now, when Lantsov shared a dance with her, the Darkling is furious.

He unconsciously registers his own shadows crawling to his figure from the darkest sides of the room. If he goes on like this, he will surely have troubles with controlling his powers in future, leaving it to his anger.

The full moon is in the night skies and millions of glittering stars are shining radiating a slight pale light. The sudden thought of leaving the palace and having a night stroll dies with a barely audible knock.

Not many people afford themselves a luxury of disturbing the general so late at night, but anyway he heads to the door.

He opens the door rapidly and he blesses himself for wearing a usual cold mask, the general doesn't give his surprise away.

– Zoya? To what do I owe your esteemed company?

The girl's hesitating, but determined expression almost makes him smile, but he holds himself back.

– You left the fete so soon, I was afraid something happened.

Aleksander steps aside inviting her in. Honesty, he may even use this night visit to forget his predicament, but something holds him back. Something is telling him, it is not his way out.

Unconsciously his hand slips into the pocket of his kefta, fingers find the ring of black metal and green stones. He knows the similar one is somewhere here, in Y/N's room.

But when the squaller walks in further into the room, straight to the table, both of them hear one more knock. Loud, clear one. Aleksander will never mistake him for any other.

– Come in!

He doesn't busy himself opening the door, and when it's opened by the woman he is afraid to see, Kirigan finds himself enjoying the moment.

– Am I interrupting? - the witch's cold voice rings in the tense silence of the place, as she cocks her head to the side. Zoya straightens her shoulders.

– I was just keeping company with the general Kirigan, - the man follows Y/N arching a brow without any other visible signs of displeasure. – People tell it helps when you are alone. Isn't it convenient? You should know about it.

Venom in Zoya's voice is clear, but it's not enough for freaking the young woman out.

– Yes, I'm forgetting all my troubles the moment someone breaks into my chambers in the middle of the night.

Kirigan presses his lips in thin line, trying not to smile or smirk. Despite this difficult situation and visible intentions of Zoya towards him, he can't not to admire his forest witch. The little girl turns into his queen. It's just her character, that doesn't let her admit it.

– Zoya is already leaving, - Aleksander pushes himself from the wall, attentively looking at the squaller.

The dark-haired woman passes by you, not even sharing a last glance, and when the door behind her closes, you feel like finally relaxing.

– Don't like the company of the royal family?

The general locks the door and comes back to you, eyeing your figure with a silky arrogant gaze.

You, in turn, don't leave his eyes too, but with completely different expression. The man, who adored you so much, when we first met and developed your feelings towards each other, who worried about your opinion about him, now only pushes you away as hard as possible and even harder.

You indeed are not recognizing the same man you loved. But maybe you should learn to love him again.

– What was that? - your quiet voice seems to shake him to the ground. This strange calm power on the bottom on your eyes frightens him.

– What was what?

– What made you what you are? - you come closer to the man knowing that he won't go away. There are no more places where he can hide from you. – Tell me, Aleksander, what have burnt the heart out of you?

His glance is a mix of shame and disgust. He can't just not look at you and solve his problems with that. With the woman who sees through him.

– You don't want to know, Y/N.

– Well, I'm here..., - you throws your arms to the side.

Kirigan turns away and comes up to the table with maps leaning on his hands. His glance is slipping to the documents and plans, but he feels you're coming with his back.

You can't wait anymore, come closer to your lover. Lean with your hip on the table to face Aleksander, desperately staring into sharp lines of his features, trying to find that very young man he was once, so long time ago, beyond all the darkness that surrounds him.

– What do you want to hear? I was killing people in their backs all these years. I have terrified them, terrorized using my shadows, I was Ravkan punisher. Fouler than death itself.

– I understand, - you say quietly, wondering if there is still soul inside of this man. Burnt down black desert. That is all he has instead of it.

– Do you regret?

You flinch, when low voice rings in complete silence after a pause. Instead of answering you just shake your head.

– Not a minute of it...well, - Kirigan's gaze switches to yours, when you highlights last words.

– Aside from the moments when you tried to send me away.

One-sided light grin touches his face.

– Don't tell me later, that I didn't warn you.

– Even if I ever regret about my decisions, I will never blame you, Aleksander.

Something in him clicks and he straightens turning his head to you. Need in the glance only softens you more.

– Call me that again, - everything inside you clenches, as you hear his broken voice.

– Aleksander-

– No, not like that.

On a short moment you don't understand his words, but then you are finally lighted up with an idea. His hand that lays not far from you appears under your gentle touch.

– Sasha.

The walls he was building for so long are crushing down at this very moment. You make a quick move to embrace him tenderly and tightly. The man immediately hides his head in the crook of your neck.

– Has the darkness in me won over the light, Y/N? - you feel these words as he touches your skin with his lips while speaking.

– I don't know, darling. I don't know.

– Maybe they are right, - he raises his head, and you see these two burning pools of pure madness in his eyes. – Maybe the beast should stay with his own kind-

– Shut up!

Kirigan blinks and fever in his glance vanishes. He definitely doesn't expect this outburst from you.

Your hands laying on his shoulders and chest before, now are cupping his face, making the man look you in the eyes.

– Stop talking nonsense, - his eyes are searching for something on your face, something that gives up your true feelings. – I love you, Aleksander. And you are not even close to a monster. Don't you dare taking about it again.

You bring his head a bit down so your foreheads touch. Only a moment before you notice tears gathering in his eyes.

– I thought I had lost you, Y/N. My dearest love.

You move closer to finally connect your lips, savouring the perfect moment of peace. Your name sounds like a lament from his lips.

– How can you still stand me after knowing who I am?

Kirigan steals one last kiss from you touching the tip of your nose with his. This tension he felt before slowly leaves him.

– I choose to love you for the things you have control over. Yes, I may not approve your methods, but I know that you want the best for your people. That's enough for me.

– If I knew that you become the only thing I needed, I would not come into that forest.

You chuckle and this turns into light laughter, that Aleksander catches too.

– I'm taking it as a compliment, dear.

When you two stop, you realize that it is pretty late already. You won't forget yourself tomorrow's morning for the lack of sleep.

– May I stay with you? - you are searching for the answer on his face.

– Come.

Aleksander leads you to his bedroom where you stayed a couple of times, laying his broad palm on your back.

He gets rid of his own closer and changes it, handing a new clean shirt for you to change as well.

Honestly you have a small collection of his shirts in your wardrobe now, and the whole palace will probably know about it, if you ever done wrong with Genya.

When you take you places on the bed you notice, that the man is still restless.

– Just try to fall asleep, - his hand twitches under your soft touch. – Don't think about anything else, okay?

He is silent, and you go on.

– I see how you talk to your people, Aleksander, I know that you are trying for them. Grisha are dedicated to you, because they know you care about them, - your fingers start brushing circles on the back of his hand. – Though, as I said, your methods are questionable for me.

– I want grisha not to be afraid anymore. Anyone.

– I know. But I can't advise you anything. I'm sorry.

He shakes his head, covering your hand with his.

– It's okay. I'm grateful, that you are here at all, and...

Emotions overwhelm him, and the general falls silent. Suddenly you move closer and hug him tightly, placing a chaste kiss on his brow.

– Shh, sleep. We will think about this in the morning

@aleksanderwh0r3 @all-art-is-quite-useless @carlywhomever @cynthianokamaria

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone x you #grisha trilogy #the darkling #the darkling fanfic #the darkling fanfiction #the darkling x reader #the darkling imagine #the darkling x you

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ithebookhoarder · 3 years

Note

Could I get something for valentines day to do with the Shelby gang? I really don't mind what or who. I just feel like I need a little love for the day...

Valentines Day Head-Canons for the Shelby Family

A/N: Of course you can, anon! Hope you have a great day, whether you’re celebrating or not. It’s just a day, really, so I hope this cheers you up ;) Sending so much love x

Masterlist:

Arthur:

This man would be nervous as hell that he’d mess up valentines day with you. He’s not exactly known for being the romantic of the family, nor does he have the sophistication of his younger siblings. In fact, he’s sometimes surprised you’re even with him at all.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t try, though. Oh no, this man is going all out for the day and nothing is too much for you. He’ll have asked everyone, and I mean everyone, for advice about what to do to make the day special.

He’s not a many of many words so he lets his actions do the talking for him, giving you a massive bouquet of flowers as he comes to collect you for the evening.

“Arthur, they’re beautiful. You really shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble for me. I mean, you even got orchids - my favourites. How did you know?”

“I remember you told me before, eh? When we were at that place down in London. The one with the fancy window displays.”

“I can’t believe you remembered.”

But that’s Arthur. He’s utterly head over heels for you, which is probably why he turns bright red as you kiss him on the doorstep before hurrying back inside to put them in some water.

He’d also make sure to open every door for you the entire night, refusing to let you even lift so much as a finger.

In fact, he even pulls your chair out for you in the restaurant he’s taking you to, glaring at the waiter who was going to do it, in a clear sign to back away if he wants to escape with his life.

“Arthur. I saw that. Behave.”

“I’m on my best behaviour, love. Promise.”

“Oh really? What a shame, as I had kind of hoped you wouldn’t be, considering that I’m wearing your present underneath this dress.”

Arthur almost combusts there and then.

Screw dinner - he wants to devour you and only you. Maybe that’s why he practically drags you out of the door at the end of the night, making you laugh as you hurry after him, the two of you fumbling with each other like horny teenagers.

Needless to say, you spend the rest of the night wrapped in a tangle of limbs, lost in an haze of pleasure as you gift one another with your bodies.

John:

Now, considering his kids and the fact they are more than a handful, he knows just how important time spent with just the two of you is. That would be his first and biggest gift, getting one of the family to agree to watch the hell spawn long enough for you two to spend some time alone together.

It’s just you and him for 24 hours of uninterrupted bliss, with no crying children or screaming babies to think about.

True, it would be weird at first to have the house so quiet, but that’s exactly what you need for you and John to just talk to one another about anything and everything you’ve missed over the past few weeks. After all, he’d probably have been so busy with work he feels like he’s hardly seen you recently.

He’s also remarkably in-tune with you and knows exactly how to spoil you rotten.

“You do so much for me and the kids, it’s the least I can do, right? You deserve the world, but I guess I’ll have to do, eh?”

Who knew John Shelby was such a softie?

He’d have the day mapped out down to the finest detail: Breakfast in bed? check. A hot bath with wine and candles? Check. That new dress you had your eye on when you last went into town? Check. Making love for hours on every surface of the house? Triple check.

He knows how lucky he is to have you and would spend all day making sure you knew.

“At this rate, we’ll be having another little one to be bribe Polly to watch next year.”

“John Shelby! I swear to god I am not having another baby-“

“So you want me to put my clothes back on and not fuck you again?”

You wisely say nothing and kiss him instead.

“As I thought.”

Tommy:

Considering how busy he normally is, the only gift you could ever want from him was that of time. Time away from the stresses of the company or his family and their never ending messes.

It’s why you’re eager to subtly remind him about the date every chance you get in the weeks preceding it.

Little do you know, he’s perfectly aware of the day. In fact, he has plans of his own cooked up for the both of you… you just didn’t need to know that yet.

It makes the surprise all the more satisfying as he wakes you early the morning of, peppering you with kisses and encouraging you to get dressed.

“I thought people usually tried to get people undressed on Valentines day?”

“Patience, love. It’s worth it, I promise.”

You laugh and trust him, unable to deny him anything when he looks genuinely happy for once. That in itself is a gift, as is the chance to spend the day riding with him around the estate you called home.

Tommy is happiest on horse back, and you grin as you eye him clambering on his horse out front.

You’re quick to follow, not surprised to see he’d had your horse readied too. He really had thought this out, down to the route you take.

“This way, there are no phone calls or fucking distractions,” he explains, relieved at the utter delight in your eyes. “Not unless one of the staff want to grab a horse and come find us. Good luck to them.”

“They’d need it, especially if they’re stupid enough to risk me shooting them for disturbing us. They’d be idiots.”

Tommy laughs.

Eventually, he’d stop you both, just on the edge of the woods, revealing the next surprise as he pulls out a blanket and basket (prepared with Frances’s help, of course).

“A picnic, Tommy?”

“I told you it was a surprise.”

It’s the best surprise as you both sit there, drinking and laughing as the sky turns dark.

That’s when he lights a fire for you both, letting you huddle close by the flames, eyes gazing at the stars above you.

You listen to him telling you all about the constellations and the stories he learned as a child. The sound of his voice is heavenly and you could easily listen to him all night.

So much so, you’re quick to wish the night would never end, letting you two stay like this, wrapped peacefully in each other’s arms forever.

Finn:

This literal angel is sweet as hell. Like, you better be prepared for the hand made card he’ll have made you… with Polly’s help, of course. He isn’t a hundred percent sure his spelling would have been right otherwise, but for you he’s willing to make the effort to try and write it for you. After all, you’ve more than likely been trying to help him learn to read and write since you started seeing one another.

“Aunt Pol… is heart spelt with two t’s or one?”

“One, Finn.”

“And does angel have a j in it?”

“No, Finn.”

Everyone else thought it was adorable and proof that he truly does love you. They’ve never seen him work so hard on anything in his life.

Your own card is much simpler, because you wanted to make sure he could read it without too much difficulty. You also may or may not have got a bit carried away with drawing hearts and other sketches to fill it instead of trying to use long and complicated words about how much you loved him.

However, neither one of you seem to care. You’re too happy with the cards you receive to care about your own possible mistakes.

You’re also too busy admiring how much of an effort each of you made with your outfits for your date. Sure, it was just drinks and dancing with some of the other teenagers in Small Heath (basically Isiah and his girl) but you’d both gone full out for the occasion.

“Is that suit new?”

“Maybe… John helped me pick it out. Why? Does it look stupid?”

“No, Finn Shelby. You look incredibly handsome,” you beam, toying with his lapels before linking his hand with yours. “I’ll be the luckiest girl there tonight.”

“And I’ll be the luckiest man.”

Oh yeah, you two are reals saps, just as most young lovers are. You’re all nervous glances, laughs and touches as you two dance the night away.

It would also be the night Finn kisses you for the first night, summoning the courage to do it as he drops you off back at your house, just a little after curfew.

It’s worth the risk and as you kiss him back he swears he’s flying the rest of the way home.

Micheal:

Micheal has had his plans in place for weeks, making sure every little detail would be perfect for the two of you. He’s honestly looking forward to it, enough to welcome his mother’s advice as she throws suggestions and tips at him the week before.

“Women like to feel special, Micheal. What about getting her a necklace? Or some chocolates? Fancy ones from France or something.”

“Mum, thanks, but I’ve got it covered. Promise.”

“Are you sure?”

Micheal laughs and tries not to be offended at her obvious doubt. Then again, he’s not always had a track record of being the most romantic or thoughtful with women. Still, he really cares about you and he’s determined not to mess this up.

It’s why he’s chosen the perfect place for you two to spend the evening together: your place.

He’s determined to spend the time just the two of you, and what better way to impress you than cooking dinner for you?

With the bottle of champagne he brought and your favourite records playing in the background, you’re quickly at ease, grinning as you watch him effortlessly chop, dice and season the dish he’s chosen.

How is peeling a potato so sexy when he does it?

It’s honestly impressive, but also because he’s putting so much effort into it which is a nice surprise. As is the way he dances around the kitchen with you whenever there’s a pause in the recipe or a particularly good song comes on.

You’re surprised at his soft singing voice as he holds you, humming along. It’s rare he allows himself to be seen in such a way, relaxed with no one to judge him for being soft or a little off key. In front of the other Shelbys he’s normally desperate to impress them, trying to be tough and nonchalant.

However, you know deep down he’s still the country boy you fell in love with when he first arrived in the city.

By the time you’ve finished dinner, the candles have almost burned out and you know where the evening is headed as you both start to scurry off to your bedroom.

Ada:

Ada is probably the most relaxed of all the Shelby bunch when it comes to special occasions. This is Ada we’re talking about. She’s also probably the most sane of the bunch, so she knows how to act like a normal person.

She doesn’t need anything big or fancy as a gift or some elaborate plan to make her fall head over heels.

A day in the park, with Karl holding both your hands as you walk to the duck pond, is enough to make her look at you with utter adoration in her eyes. She loves how well you both get on, becoming a little family of you own.

It’s why it’s no surprise you all have dinner together, with Karl helping to serve you as your two favourite people spoil you rotten. You normally eat together most days, even if Karl doesn’t normally wear a suit or call you ‘madame’ every time he passes you something like a mini waiter.

Ada smirks at the sight, informing you it’s all Karl’s idea - as is the card he thrusts upon you.

“I made the card myself!”

“You did? Wow, Karl. Look how amazing it is. I love the glitter on the heart.”

“I knew you would. Mum didn’t think so but I won.”

The look Ada gives you makes you want to laugh until you cry as you clearly sense the frustration she must have suffered in the pursuit of Karl’s artistry. It also explains why you’ve been finding glitter everywhere all week.

“Well, I love it. Thank you - both.”

You press kisses to both of their cheeks, grinning as Ada purred something about giving you her card later once Karl’s in bed. You’re eager to return the favour, impatient to give her your own card and gift.

It’s a framed photo of you all, taken one day when you’d all been at the local fair.

The sight of it is enough to make Ada watery eyed as she gives you yours, watching as you unwrap it and gasp in delight.

The book is the next in a series you’d recently started and fallen in love with. However, you were pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be released yet.

“What can I say? Perks of having a librarian girlfriend with exclusive access to advanced copies we’re supposed to be holding on to until next month. I borrowed one and I’m sure they won’t notice.”

“Ada Shelby. You stole a book for me?”

“Borrowed. Not stole.”

You don’t care, too overwhelmed to do anything other than kiss her passionately.

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straydawg-writing · 3 years

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞'𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦.

- 𝓚. 𝙯𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙮𝙘𝙠

• hunter x hunter series!

summary:

┍━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┑

𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮.

𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝.

𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙨.

ˏˋ♡̩͙♡̩̩̥͙♡̩̥̩ ⋆ ♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙̩͙ˊˎ

- 𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧, 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙆𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙪𝙖. 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙩. (𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙖 𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙘)

┕━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━┙

Chapter 1 —

⋯✰⋯

"Book."

"Gain!"

Bisky's eyes shined like stars as a smooth blue gemstone appeared in front of her. You could spot tears of hers spring up as she cradled the glittering rock like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"What should I name it? Blue-chan? Planet-chan?" she gushed, bouncing on the balls of her feet. You stifled a laugh, catching a glimpse of Killua's dumbfounded expression. If one thing were true, it's that he does not understand women.

While Gon and Killua endured Bisky's brutal training during Greed Island, you had grown to like her. Despite her being 45 years older than you, you imagined she was the closest thing to what a big sister would be like. Or maybe a mom? You wouldn't know.

Unfortunately, you weren't special enough to escape her unforgiving training either. Bisky knew no mercy. While training their physical bodies, she also trained the trio's nen abilities.

Gon developed his special punch move by using the rock, paper, scissors of Chinese martial arts. Killua learned how to better channel his electricity, though Bisky had looked concerned when he first demonstrated it to her. You couldn't blame her. Killua's ability to withstand electricity only came from years of shock torture, and you noticed how he rarely mentions the fact that he still feels the pain. You caught on to it the night you watched his Heaven's Arena match, remembering his voice floating to the stands.

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴."

Your heart clenched for him every time you remember this fact. He has a tendency to hide his pain, in order to not burden his friends.

Then there's you, who Bisky took upon herself to help.

Since the day Wing opened your nen pores and declared you a Manipulator, you practiced your nen with Gon and Killua daily. When the time came to decide your special ability, the answer was as clear to you as a cloudless sky.

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.

Since then you'd been seen carrying around leather pouches of dirt, water, and vines wherever you went. It was a nice start, but it sure did make your back hurt. And of course, Bisky would not accept that. Ordering you to dump out all of your pouches to the ground, she had you draw out your power from the scattered elements that had begun already mixing with the dirt.

Unsure, you had hesitantly stretched out your arm and tried pulling from the water. It took you a number of tries to get it right. You had squinted long and hard, focusing on extending your nen to the elements around you. To your giddy surprise, small, sparkling droplets of H20 were separating from the glob of inky mud to float just a few inches above your hands. Concentrating harder, the droplets began orbiting one another. They looked like little planets.

Sensing the vines, you were able to control their movements too, even manipulating ones that hadn't originated from your leather pouch.

Bisky's wide smile was all that you needed.

From that day on, you only practiced manipulating whatever was around you. The earth was your ally.

"Well, what will you do once you find Ging?" Bisky's voice snapped you out of a daze.

"Naturally, I'll introduce him to Killua, my best friend in the whole world!"

"What am I, a roach?" You mocked, but couldn't keep a smile from spreading across your face.

Gon's unyielding positivity and bubbly voice was like honey to your ears. No one could ever doubt the adoration he held for his best friend.

"Stupid, cut that out! It's embarrassing," said Killua, turning red as a tomato. He looked away in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, except you were right there to catch his blush.

You flashed a mischievous smile to Killua. "You know, I think an I-Love-You-Too-Gon-I-Also-Think-You're-The-Best would suffice once in a while."

"Shut up."

Killua was as stubborn as ever. You are playfully rolled your eyes before turning your attention back to the rest of the group. Gon was inviting Bisky to come with them and meet Ging, but she had said something about not being interested in men who already have kids.

"If I stay with you any longer, I really will get too attached..." Bisky tried to mask it, but you've always been good at noticing little details. She was going to miss them. And truth be told, you were going to miss her too.

"The hunter world is a small place. We'll all see each other again in no time!" you reassured your friends. "See you later, Bisky."

"Take care, Bisky." Gon said his goodbyes, Killua nodding next to him.

⋯✰⋯

"Accompany on."

"Nigg!"

At that, a bright light enveloped all of them, streaking them through the sky. Every time you did this on Greed Island, you had always shut your eyes tight. You'd never get used to the feeling.

The next thing you knew, the three of you landed in an area thick with white fog. It was slightly chilly, causing you to shiver. A hundred feet in front of you was a tall sakura tree with roots so large they could be mistaken for a magical beast. It had to have been there for at least a couple hundred years. Soft, pink petals drifted in the wind, dancing around you and your friends. As your eyes focused, you noticed a shadowy man reclining on the tree's roots. Could it be Ging?

Before you realized what was happening, the mysterious man turned towards the three of you and opened fire on Gon.

Then, Killua was diving in slow motion and pulling Gon out of the way and the two of them were rolling on the ground holding onto each other. Getting a hold of your senses, you looked down at dozens of bullets that had made holes in the ground and noticed an injured ant lying motionless on the floor. The thing was completely decapitated.

"Now look what you've done, you killed an innocent soul!" you exclaimed to the man, pointing at the poor bug.

"That's not Ging..." Gon whispered.

"What was that all about?! First, you push us down, then you fire at us. Stop messing around!" Killua accused the Not-Ging.

After helping Gon back up, Killua examined the insect too. That is, before it ruthlessly attacked him.

"Oh. It wasn't dead," you stated the obvious.

The man quickly finished off the ant biting Killua's leg with his machine gun before scoffing at you. He took off the black jacket he was wearing, unveiling straight, platinum white hair so long it almost touched the floor. You could get a better look at him now. He was lanky, and the beret he wore casted a shadow over his eyes. If you had to guess, you'd say he's about 6'3. Just who was this man? Had God finally sent an angel to cleanse you from your sins?

"I was being dead serious. If I hadn't opened fire, you would have been attacked. That was no ordinary ant, it was a Chimera Ant."

"A what?"

"An aggressive, carnivorous insect that's been designated Quarantine Level 1. You three didn't realize it, but you were standing right in front of their nest. If I hadn't fired the moment I did, an army of Chimera Ants would have consumed all of you by now," the angel explained.

You gawked at his beautiful long locks, gracefully flying in the wind as he turned to leave.

Gon seemed to have recognized the man, asking something about if he were the one who had saved him back then. Gon told a story about being rescued from a fox bear, though it looked like he had remembered something else because he held his cheek as if he'd just been hit. For the first couple of seconds, the man looked at Gon like he was in denial about the person right in front of him. Then, like it was nothing, he called Gon by his name. And if by a miracle, he also knew Ging.

"My name is Kite. Ging was my master."

You nudged Killua, "Did you hear that?! He knows Gon's dad!" Killua looked just as shocked as you.

The three of you followed Kite to a small campfire as he told them stories about Ging, himself, and his current mission. You were thankful for the heat source, warming your hands against the flame as it was only getting colder as night fell. You cursed yourself for not being like Gon and Killua, who always had their long sleeve layers and could just strip them whenever the weather deemed it necessary. All you were wearing were burgundy shorts, combat boots, and a black t-shirt. And of course, your necklace. You reached your hand and held onto the choker pendent around your neck. It was all you had left of your home. Just holding onto the pink pendent brought you enough comfort to warm you from the inside out again.

The sun was beginning to set by the time you met Kite's friends and the cute dog that had taken a liking to Gon. Your eyes softened as you watched Gon play with the puppy, having found its sweet spot right behind its ear. He caught you staring, and flashed his pearly whites.

"Y/N, come rub his belly! He's so soft!"

Getting up from your spot next to Killua and wiping the dust off your shorts, you traveled to where Gon was now teaching the dog new tricks.

"How are you gonna teach him anything without any dog treats?" you asked, petting the little dog.

"With this!" Gon pulls out a handful of goldfish from his pocket. He tossed one to the pup, who caught it in midair.

You held in a laugh. "Gon, why do you just have goldfish lying around in your pockets like that?"

"You don't always have time to snack when you're training you know.. Plus, It's in a baggy!" He showed you the zip -block bag that was stuffed inside the pocket of his green shorts, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. This time you couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"Oh I see, as long as it's in a bag, right? Can I see one?"

Gon nodded and put some goldfish in the palm of your hand. Looking for Killua, you spotted him sitting on a log watching as the sun set under the ocean's horizon. He looked so ethereal as the orange light reflected off of him. The light made his fluffy white hair shine, and a slight breeze made delicate strands wisp in the wind like snowflakes. You almost felt bad for disturbing the picturesque scene in front of you.

"Hey, Killua! Come feed this dog Gon's two-year-old musty goldfish with me!"

Yeah, you had ruined the moment.

"It's not two years old! I bought it in Yorknew," he whined.

"But it's musty?"

Killua walked up to the two of you with a questioning look, and you paused your bickering to hold open his hand and transfer the goldfish. The dog barked.

"I'm not sure, animals typically run away once they smell Mike on me," he said, referring to the oversized human-eating guard dog at the Zoldyck estate. Considering it's job was to deter people, you guessed that made sense. Still, you had faith that this innocent pup could show Killua some love. He needed the free therapy.

"Just try it!" Gon pushed.

Killua succumbed to Gon's request, holding the treat out to the tail-wagging puppy. Though, instead of taking the treat, it knocked Killua clean over, licking his face.

"What the heck— Help!" Killua desperately tried wiping the slimy slobber off of his lips.

"I think he's trying to kiss you." You giggled.

Mission accomplished!

"Kite did say that hunters are well-liked by animals. This means you're a great hunter, Killua!" Gon excitedly shared.

Killua offered a small smile. "I haven't passed the test yet, dummy."

⋯✰��

author's notes: hope you guys liked the first chapter! i'm excited to keep this story going!

#hunterxhunter #killua x reader #killua fanfiction #hunter x hunter fanfiction #killua zoldyck #self insert #killua zoldyck x reader #chimera ant arc #kite #gon

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yunho-es · 3 years

Text

Member/s: Wooyoung (ATEEZ)

Genre: soft

Warnings: swear words

Words: 2043

Before reading, I want you to know that I don't use any names or Y/n's because I know many people don't really insert their names, they read it as Yin 😂 I also write in first person pov because I think it's easier to read and imagine yourself in that situation

Beads of sweat slowly rolled down my forehead as I pulled out a piece of paper from my sleeve. I knew that the exam would be hard, but I wasn't expecting it to be this detailed. Thank God my friend made me write it all on a small piece of paper. At least I will get a positive grade. Of course he made me do it, he passed the school with those. Thankfully, he didn't go to medicine school. If I ever ended up on his surgery table, I would die.

Three more minutes until the end and one more question unanswered. The teacher noticed me shifting in my seat, but she knew I always get good grades. She finally stopped looking at me and gave her attention to a group of boys trying to switch their papers. I glanced one more time at the piece of paper and put it back in my sleeve. Just as I finished the answer, the bell rang. Half of the class groaned, probably because they didn't manage to finish in time. I took my backpack and left the paper with my name on the main table.

"Good job! Honestly, your exams are always my favorite to grade. I'm really happy to have a student like you."

"Thank you, Mrs Johnson. See you on Monday."

Once I got outside I noticed the sky already getting dark. It was just 5 pm and winter was already doing it's job; the roads were wet and slippery from mixed rain and snow and it must've been under 0 Celsius. Usually I walk home because it's not far away, but my school uniform, rain and cold weather didn't go well together. I was just about to call my roommate when I felt car lights on me, followed by a familiar voice.

"I think quicker than you do." Wooyoung smiled as he opened the door. "Get in please I don't want to spend the next week taking care of an annoyingly picky roommate. I have plans to get drunk and do something stupid."

"You do stupid things anyway without drinking. So save the money and the time. And oh, save me from embarrassment." I get in the car sticking my tongue out at him. "Did you cook anything? I'm starving."

"No, of course. I slept the whole day." I look at him, hoping to see a smile on his face that would give me a sign that he's joking. "Don't look at me like that, I was tired from the night shift. I'll take you to McDonald's." he drove out of the school parking.

"I don't want trash, Wooyoung. I want food." I groaned. He told me that he would try cooking something, but it's been a week and he didn't do anything. "Please buy some pasta and tomato sauce I'll make something."

"Honestly, I really don't feel like waiting. And McDonald's is f**king awesome!" his hand reached out to turn on the radio. "How can you not love the little purple box full of 12 golden beauties?"

It did sound good, but we haven't eaten any "real" food for a month and my stomach started to ache. Living with Wooyoung has its bad and good sides, the bad sides mainly being his laziness and stubbornness. Speaking of stubbornness, of course he took the left turn towards McDonald's.

"What do you want?"

"What a polite way to ask me. You've loosened up I see." I frown at him. He rolls his eyes dramatically and turns towards me with his whole body.

"Your Highness, what do you wish to consume today?"

"That's just too much."

"What the h*ll do you want? I'm taking 3 burgers and fries and you aren't touching them." the brown haired boy points his finger towards my face. I squint my eyes at him, then bite his finger. "Crazy woman."

"Hello, may I take your order?"

"Hello, yes. I'd like a..."

***

"Is this place good enough for the Queen?" Wooyoung spoke with his mouth full of fries and ketchup. We sat on the roof of his car on a parking lot near a river. The place is good enough for the Queen.

"Eat before you speak, what's wrong with you?" I laugh at him, seeing that he spilled the ketchup on his t-shirt. "No girl will want you like this."

"To be honest I'm not interested right now." he replied immediately.

I'd lie if I said that my heart didn't sink a bit. Whoever said that boys and girls can't be friends was right. One side always catches feelings, big or small. In my case, I believe it's a small crush. He's the only boy I hang out with, so that must be why.

"Why?" I allow myself to ask.

"I had a little crush on a girl but I had to give it up." he kept stuffing his mouth with food, trying to avoid the conversation.

"And...?" I look at him expecting more. But he keeps his mouth shut and folds the paper of the burgers in his hands.

"Are you thirsty?" Wooyoung offers a can of soda, still looking at his fingers.

"Yes, thank you." he opens the can for me, first taking a sip himself, then giving the green beverage to me. I drink the whole can almost immediately.

"You could've said earlier that you were thirsty, I had water in the car." his tone visibly changed. He sounded more serious now, as if he just wanted to go home and lock himself in the room. "Want another one?" he reaches for another can.

"I think I have one more sip here." I throw my head back trying to drink every single drop of the refreshing juice. I slowly started to lean back, forgetting that I'm not in the chair but on the roof of the car. "Sh*t!" I curse as I almost fall on the rocky floor.

"Hey!" Wooyoung quickly reacts and grabs my hands, pulling me towards him. All the empty cans rolled down on the floor, making loud noises. "You good?" he asks, eyes on my face.

His hands felt so warm around mine. I really didn't want to let go. "I'm good." I pull away, trying to get down to collect the cans.

"Leave the d*mn cans there. You almost fell down. Do you see those rocks down there? What if you hit your head? What would I do?"

"I'd pay to get your car cleaned from my blood, Wooyoung." I laugh, but when I notice that his face didn't change, my smile drops. "What's wrong? Why isn't it funny when I say something like this?"

"Behind all these jokes you have to understand that you are very important to me and I have a soft spot for you. If anything happened to you my life would stop. I'm a serious man behind all my sarcastic jokes. Please watch yourself, because I can't do it all the time. It takes a second to turn a peaceful situation into a disaster."

I stare at him with my mouth a little open. I'm surprised at his words, I never heard him talk like this. I manage to say a sorry, turning my head away from him.

After a few seconds of silence, which seemed like hours, he got down and picked up all the cans, then offered me his hand. "Be careful." I put my hand in his, slowly getting down on the floor. "What dumbass even puts these rocks on the parking lot?" he picks up a few of them and pushes them away, leaving the bigger and heavier ones where they were.

"I think because they don't want someone else to have the spot." I watch as he tries to move a few more rocks. "Leave it, you're gonna hurt yourself. Let's just go back home, please?"

"Alright." he leaves the rocks and opens the door for me. Then he proceeds to enter the car himself. "But just for the record, I could've moved those rocks." his lips curved in a small smile. He can't help himself.

***

It suddenly became quiet in the house. Wooyoung layed on the sofa, watching the TV, and I sat on the floor behind the coffee table with my back leaning on the sofa.

"I'm a bit disappointed that we didn't take any photos." I pouted, scrolling down my Instagram feed. He didn't respond. I kept quiet for a few more minutes, then broke the silence again. "Do you think you could pick me up tomorrow from school again?" again, no answer.

I turn around towards him and see that his eyes are closed. He fell asleep while watching the TV. I took a blanket from my room and layed next to him under it. It's not my first time napping with him, but most of the time he refuses. He says that he is a kicker in his sleep and that he doesn't want to hurt me.

The sofa in our living room is quite small so I have to basically lay on Wooyoung. Just as I close my eyes, I feel his hand around my waist, bringing me even closer to him. Now my head was on his chest and I was surrounded by his scent and warmth. This must be what heaven feels like. Usually when we sleep like this together, it takes us a few hours to fall asleep. Mainly because he can't stop making jokes and I can't stop laughing. But this is different. It's calm. It's beautiful.

I couldn't tell if he was asleep or just pretending. He held me close and rubbed my back slowly. "Wooyoung?" I tried calling.

"Hm?" he responds sleepily.

"Are you okay?" I look up at him. His eye are still closed, but his fingers are still drawing tiny patterns on my waist and back.

"Mhm." again, I receive a short answer. When I try to move and give him some space so he can sleep peacefully, he opens his eyes to look at me. "Please don't move. I want to sleep like this." one of his hands moved my hair from both of our faces. "Please?" he asked, almost whispering.

I have never witnessed this side of Wooyoung. His voice was different, his movements were different, his eyes were different. This is the Wooyoung I wanted for myself, but couldn't have him. It took me a few longer seconds to realise that we are staring at each other, doing nothing but breathing quietly. Once his hot breath fell on my lips I couldn't help but close my eyes and sigh. Right now, I hoped for one thing to happen.

"Why can't I have you like this every day?" his soft voice whispered. I try to speak, but as soon as I move my lips, I feel something soft brushing against them. My breath stops and I force myself to open my eyes. He's looking down at my lips as if thinking if the next step is smart to do. I allow myself a moment of bravery and I put my hands on his chest, getting closer to him. "F**k it." he mutters, finally putting his hands on my cheeks and pressing his lips against mine.

His lips must've been the softest thing to exist on this planet. I tried to move, but my body was frozen. I couldn't do anything, just lay and enjoy the softness and the warmth of his lips. He pulled away for a second, trying to say something, but when he didn't succeed, he went back to the older position. Then, again, he pulls away.

"You are so sweet. You taste like I always imagined." the red cheeked boy whispers, brushing the tip of his nose against mine.

"More, please." I manage to say. My lips and throat are dry, my mind is going crazy, and my stomach is witnessing fireworks. Wooyoung smiles, still not letting go of my cheeks. "Please." I get impatient.

He leans in again, this time kissing me with more passion. It stopped being sweet and soft, now only one word existed in my mind: more. And he happily listened.

#ateez #wooyoung #mingi #hongjoong #san #atiny #kpop #kpop oneshots #ateez oneshot #ateez scenarios #jongho #yunho #seonghwa #yeosang #kpop fanfic #kpop requests #ateez imagines #ateez wooyoung #ateez fluff

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obaewankenope · 3 years

Note

Okay so, I have ADHD. I'm 18 and was diagnosed 2 months ago? Maybe one? I don't remember. Anyways, I'm constantly thinking about and bouncing between the "hey it's okay you can't do this, it's not your fault, you just need some extra help and you can do it!!!" and "you're so stupid, just try harder, if you cared enough you'd be able to do it. why are you asking for special treatment and being a burden?" lines of thinking.

And that, especially lately, has led me to hyperfixating on the fear that, hey, maybe even when I do start medication and have finally figured out how to manage this with my therapist... what if I still can't do it?

This is especially difficult when it comes to art. I'm an aspiring artist & illustrator, and the struggle to do something that I love so much is so incredibly frustrating.

And it makes me worry that, even when I am finally medicated and have what I need, and even now when I'm REALLY struggling... maybe the problem is me and not the clearly albeist system I'm forced to work in.

Maybe I don't love it enough. Maybe I'm not as passionate and dedicated and driven to succeed with my art as I think I am. And it is so unbelievably soul crushing to think that because, that's it for me, that's all I can think to do with my life. I don't really have anything else, which I know sounds dramatic but, yeah. And the idea that I might not care for it enough, or that simply caring for it isn't enough, is really messing with me.

Uh so I'm not really sure what I'm asking aside from, WHAT DO I DO? How do I manage this? How do you deal with the imposter syndrome? Help????

Okay so, there's a LOT to unpack here, bean, and we're gonna do it now at 2:39am because why the fuck not, right?

You're 18 which means your brain is still developing. That means you have to deal with the chaotic brain chemistry that comes with growing on top of the chaos of adhd. That sucks.

The whole swings and roundabouts thinking on your ability is, sadly, very common. Too common to be as normalised as it is tbh. The first thought process is the Good One. That's the one that is Accurate To You And Your Needs. The second thought process is the Society Mindset Of Judgement.

I call thoughts like that "brain weasels" - a concept my friend Lily mentioned one day in chat and I just instantly accepted it as reality.

All those bad thoughts, all those moments of "you're a failure" are given a Name in my mind. That is Brian. Brain Weasel Brian. My mother calls them Brain Weasel Paddy.

I heartily advocate that sort of thing. Adopting this method of Attributing A Name to the thoughts that Don't Help You, is a good method of teaching your brain to separate the bad thoughts and the good ones that help.

Sometimes it doesn't work. In my depressive episodes, it doesn't work great if at all. But that happens. Sometimes nothing helps then. Sometimes existing is about as much as I can manage. It's Sucky but it's not permanent.

Rarely, is anything truly permanent. We just tend to think they are.

Next, hyper fixating on fear.

Again, pretty damned normal if also very sucky. Our brains, no matter whether we're neurodiverse or not, are Very Good at remembering the bad and giving up lots of Risk Lists to consider. This mechanism helps us as a species in the wild, of course, but in the world we live in now... well, it's not the best mechanism out there.

We can't stop it, though. It's part of our evolution as humans. We can figure out tricks to help manage it. See, the biggest problem we have with fear and anxiety is we try to push it down and away or we obsess over it. Those are the worst options.

Anxiety and fear have to be imagined to be like smoke. Its there in the air. Its part of it when a fire happens and we need fires for warmth. So anxiety and fear is natural. It's healthy to have both but not so much that we can't function. The mechanism is messing up if we can't function.

Anyway.

Have you ever tried to capture smoke in your hands? It's not possible. You can't cup your hands like you would with water, can't grip it like you would a solid. No. Because smoke is a gas and it moves and shifts and fills up any space it can.

Anxiety and fear are like smoke. They're part of everything and exists because of Reasons and they can be a good thing but can also be a bad thing too.

It can also become too familiar for us sometimes. Like a smoker who lights up and savours the smell of a burning cigarette.

We cling to what we know even if what we know is bad for us. It's human nature. But just because we cling to what we know doesn't mean we can't be brave and let it go. That's human nature too.

We're a species of messy contradictions, after all.

Medication helps the brain chemistry and assists that fear and anxiety mechanism. It's not a cure, contrary to belief, but it will help. Therapy helps you work through things and medication helps settle your brain which will help you further.

Does that mean it's going to fix you? No, because you're not broken. You're different but not broken.

With your art and illustration and your desire to become an illustrator, I can wholly understand the frustration you feel.

But I wonder, does that frustration stem from fear of failure or from feeling so many emotions and not being able to figure out their source?

If its the former, then that's understandable. We all fear failure. But sometimes, it's not failure we actually fear. What we really fear is success. Because we don't know what to do if we succeed. That's a long term thing.

Failure can be immediate and short term. It's something we can think about in the immediate future because our brains are able to follow the tangent of time enough for that.

But success. Success means long term considerations. It means thinking about what comes after. It means considering potential promotions, opportunities, work pieces, connections and so on. It means thinking of those things beyond the short term where our brain's are most comfortable.

ADHD brains are not really built for long term planning. We're good planners for short term things. Good problem solvers. But rarely is it a long term sort of solution we come up with.

Not because we can't, but because we get so mirred in the details, in the What Ifs and the Possibilities that we lose our focus on the Whole Picture. We lose the tangent.

I don't necessarily think you're not passionate enough. Hardly anyone who draws lacks passion. They may lack technique, but passion... That's something any artist needs in my opinion. Even just a spark.

But being able to use that passion, to convey it, now that's the challenge. That's Hard.

Sometimes it's next to impossible.

The thing is, ADHD and Autism make you feel things Deeply and Chaotically. This makes you struggle to process those feelings.

Being a young adult with Expectations and Responsibilities on top of sucky brain growth chemistry just makes that struggle worse.

You may not be able to channel your passion into your art currently, but that doesn't mean you don't have it.

Think of your passion like a tube that's got a blockage in it. The pressure inside is immense but you've got nothing on hand to remove the blockage. It'll take time to develop the tools, to find them, to help. Or. It might have to remove itself.

This doesn't make you lacking in passion. It just makes you temporarily injured in the passion department. We don't blame someone for a sprained ankle resting. Don't blame yourself for taking time off because of this.

Imposter syndrome is... Hard. So, so hard.

I don't have an answer for you about how to handle it. I do a pretty poor job of it myself. I fake confidence, am awful at accepting praise, and constantly feel inadequate. I just hide it really well.

But that's emotion. That's fear and doubt and anxiety. That's societal expectations stoking the emotional disturbance of imposter syndrome.

Logic tells me different.

But logic is hard to believe. Especially when the emotions are very Loud and Distracting.

Sometimes you have to call those doubts and fears for what they are: Brain Weasels.

Sometimes you have to think of it all like it's smoke.

Sometimes you have to sit down and meditate, crossing a mental bridge between reason and emotion to deliver a message to both sides.

We are individuals who pick out pebbles from the river and admire them. Sometimes we keep them. Sometimes we put them back. Most times, we move on. Those pebbles are difficulties, challenges, doubts.

ADHD tends to try and keep the pebbles. Imposter syndrome uses them as building blocks.

Sometimes you have to dig out the foundations and toss those pebbles back before you can start to work on fixing up the rest.

This has become very rambly now, I'm sorry. Its 3:24am and I need to sleep. I do hope this helps in some way, though. If not for you, then for others.

#Kat replies #ADHD #Neurodiversity #Neurodiverse #Autism #Mental health #Disability

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halloweenismyfav · 3 years

Text

《 Note: Kazu is one of the many best bois in A3. Take these. I also added a lot more info compared to usual, so I'll update older posts I've made when I get the chance. 》

《 💐 Kazunari Miyoshi General Dating Headcanons 💐 》

Warnings: None

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Meeting Kazunari was a bit more normal than one may think. You went to see Water Me! when it was closing night and thought that Kazunari was pretty good up on stage.

➼ You went to see him after the play ended. After making your way to the dressing room, you asked if you could see who you deemed as 'the guy who played Aladdin'. You gave him a couple compliments and he thought you were cute so he asked for your number.

➼ You gave him your number, cause who could say no to his smile?

➼ After talking for a bit, you ended up becoming quite good friends!

Being a friend of Kazunari's means that he takes a lot of selfies with you, only if you're comfortable with it though!

➼ He loves giving you hugs whether it's a side hug, bear hug, or a quick hello/goodbye hug. Even though it's a bit embarassing for Kazunari to admit, he loves feeling your body against his. He doesn't know exactly why...

➼ Expect a lot of DMs and late night texting.

➼ He loves sending you selfies of when he's at practice and you're always able to see Tenma and Yuki fighting in the back while Muku tries to seperate them, Misumi always off in his own world.

➼ Kazunari also loves when you send him selfies back even if you're doing nothing. He just likes seeing your face.

The longer he knew you, the more Kazunari started to realize his feelings. He tried more cheesy pick-up lines and started getting a bit more...nervous around you?

➼ Everyone, including Kazunari himself, was confused. He was bursting with energy but you walked in the room and he kinda shut down. It was like he malfunctioned.

➼ His face got all red and he was smiling a lot more when you did even the smallest thing...It didn't take a genius to quickly realize what was happening. He loved you.

➼ Like would be an understatement, even Kazunari can agree. He truly loves you.

He loves everything about you. It's hard to pick just one thing. If he had to pick just one thing...it would probably be how huggable you are. As stupid as it may seem, he loves hugging you.

Confession time! This may be a bit of a surprise, but Kazunari's extremely nervous. He ends up sketching you and giving you the finished drawing he ended up coloring. On the back of it has "Will you be my s/o" shakily written in pencil.

➼ When you say yes it's the biggest relief he's ever felt. After you set down the beautiful drawing, he gives you a tight and loving hug. He whispers a light "thank you" while your arms find their way around his torso.

The beginning of the relationship is primarily Kazunari trying to figure out boundries. He'll make sure that he knows what to do and what not to do. Other than that, it's almost identical to when you both were friends!

This is one of the men in Mankai that loves giving you affection and kisses. He has a thing for coming up behind you without warning and giving you a tight and loving hug while pressing a kiss to your neck. He adds an exaggerated 'mwah' as well.

➼ While he loves hugs, he's also a man who loves kisses! He loves kissing your forehead and lips. Kazunari's lip kisses are always long and show his love for you. There are times where he'll run his tongue along your bottom lip for a second before pulling away with a teasing grin. He's smitten.

➼ Another thing he loves to do is tickle you and then silence your laughter with a kiss. He loves feeling you smile against his lips and he can't help but do the same against yours.

Your first date was actually an art festival! It was lively yet calm all at once. He kept his arm around your shoulder most of the time. It was simple and cute...and where you both had your first kiss.

As long as you're comfortable with PDA, he'll be holding your hand, kissing your cheek, and giving you hugs no matter who's around. Of course he tones it down if you're around your parents.

Arguments with Kazunari rarely happen, if at all. He kinda lets you run the show if an argument does somehow happen since he doesn't like to speak his opinion much and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Since they don't happen often, there isn't much to say about it.

His favorite thing to do with you is either taking photos (i.e selfies) or sketching together.

➼ When sketching, Kazunari likes to sit behind you and guide you with certain things if you need help. When he does this he likes to sneak a quick kiss to your cheek or neck.

This dude is simple and likes to call you babe or baby. He does like to call you sweetie on other occasions!

➼ Please call him sweet names too! Even if it's just you calling him 'Kazu' it's enough. He would prefer if you called him babe too from time to time.

Overall you have a great relationship with Kazunari! He loves you with all of his being and hopes you feel the same. He'll love you for as long as he lives, so please do the same.

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"Man...I'm not usually this nervous." The blonde was sweating bullets. "Hm? What's wrong Kazu?" You asked. "Um...here." He handed you a beautiful portrait. The portrait was of you! Every detail was shown, even the smallest and most missable bits of you were there. "T-Turn it around." With some confusion, you flipped the paper around. Shakily written on the back was 'will you be my s/o'. Your cheeks flushed a bit...but you smiled. "Of course." It was Kazunari's turn to mimic your face. He then hugged you, the hug warm and tight. "Thank you..."

~==✦==~

"Kazunari-" Your laughter cut you off as your boyfriend tickled the life out of you, his legs straddling your waist. Your back was against the arm of the couch and you tried to pry his arms off of you but it was to no avail. "Kazu-" This time it wasn't your laughter that cut you off, but Kazunari's lips against yours. You reciprocated the act of affection and smiled against his lips. He did the same, smiling that is. God...he loved you so much.

#a3! x reader #a3 x reader #kazunari miyoshi x reader #kazunari x reader #act! addict! actors! x reader #a3 kazunari x reader #💌.love mail

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