#light shoulda just faked his fucking death or some shit

[tswiftandtsn]

TSN x Lover Album Breakdown

So I see Lover as the album about Mark & Eduardo finally making up honestly, ala The Social Network 2, while also touching upon what happened in The Social Network

I Forgot That You Existed - Eduardo @ Mark after he got his fucking money

(HOW MANY DAYS DID I SPEND THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG (EDUARDO) I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED AND I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME BUT IT DIDN’T (EDUARDO), IT ISN’T LOVE IT ISN’T HATE IT’S JUST INDIFFERENCE (BOTH OF THEM)  Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down, down, down, laughed on the school yard, as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground, and I would've stuck around for ya, would've fought the whole town, so yeah, would've been right there, front row, even if nobody came to your show (THE CHICKEN INCIDENT) But you showed who you are, then one magical night (DILUTION), 

Cruel Summer - Okay but like that was a cruel summer, but this is like the anthem for when Mark & Eduardo first got back in touch like

(Devils roll the dice (Mark), Angels roll their eyes (Eduardo), WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE, I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone (EDUARDO TO MARK),  And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know (EDUARDO TO MARK),  I'm drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar, said I'm fine, but it wasn't true (EDUARDO TO MARK) I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you (MARK TO EDUARDO),  And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? (LITERALLY, BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS DUMB ASS SHIT), HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE THE DEVIL (AGAIN BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT THE OTHER)

Lover: LIKE WE’RE IN LOVE AND ONE DAY WE’LL GET MARRIED MARKWARDO WE HAPPY AGAIN

THE MAN: WOULD BE MARK

I WOULD BE COMPLEX, I WOULD BE COOL (MARK), I’D BE A FEARLESS LEADER, I’D BE THE ALPHA TYPE, WHEN EVERYONE BELIEVE’S YOU WHAT’S THAT LIKE (MARK), I’M SO SICK OF RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN (MARK), AND I’M SO SICK OF THEM COMING AT ME AGAIN (MARK AND ALL HIS FUCKING LAWSUITS), THEY’D SAY I HUSTLED PUT IN THE WORK, THEY WOULDN’T SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND QUESTION HOW MUCH OF THIS I DESERVE. WHAT I WAS WEARING IF I WAS RUDE. COULD I BE SEPERATED FROM MY GOOD IDEAS AND POWER MOVES (OKAY BUT LIKE THIS WAS MARK DREAMING OF HIM ENDING UP ON TOP LIKE FUCKING WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND IF HE WAS RUDE)

THE ARCHER: SAD AND SCARED MARKWARDO more in depth version on my blog

I THINK HE KNOWS: THIS IS THIRSTY MARK 

I think he knows, His hands around a cold glass, Make me wanna know that, body like it's mine (Mark),  He got that boyish look that I like in a man, I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans, It's like I'm 17, nobody understands (MARK, EDUARDO THE SWEET LOOKING BRAZILIAN AND HE IS THE ARCHITECT OF FACEBOOK),  Wanna see what's under that attitude  (Eduardo’s attitude),  I'll make myself at home, and he'll want me to stay, I think he knows, he better lock it down, or I won't stick around (EDUARDO: MARK BETTER PROPOSE SOON OR I’LL SMASH ANOTHER LAPTOP),  Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh (Mark’s indigo eyes!)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: MARKWARDO SAPPY SADNESS

I counted days, I counted miles to see you there, to see you there, it's been a long time coming (SINGAPORE IS FAR AND THEY SHOULDA BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME AGO),  It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" The whole school is rolling fake dice (MARK AND EDUARDO AGAINST THE WORLD, MARK IS A BAD BAD GIRL),  My team is losing, battered and bruising, I see the high fives between the bad guys, Leave with my head hung, you are the only one Who seems to care (FUCK THE WINKLEVII),  and I don't want you to (Go), I don't really wanna (Fight) Cause nobody's gonna (Win), I think you should come home (EDUARDO MOVE TO PALO ALTO PLEASSEEEE)

Paper Rings:

The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met (DUSTIN WAS FUCKING HIGH THE NIGHT THEY FIRST MET),  Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet (MARK ENERGY),  Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, Cat and mouse for a month or two or three, Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe (WHEN EDUARDO FIRST DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE UP WITH MARK),  Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright (Uh) Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (JUST YES), I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings (MARK ENERGY HE LIKES SHINY ELECTRONICS AND MARRYING HIM WITH PAPER RINGS IS HIS ENERGY),  Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this (MARK AND EDUARDO YESSSS),  In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool, when you jumped in first, I went in too (PALO ALTO GOTS POOLS, ZIPLINE SCENE) I'm with you even if it makes me blue which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall (MARK IS COLOR BLIND ALL HE CAN SEE IS BLUE, EDUARDO HAS A BROTHER 0.0) Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so proud (THEY STRONGER NOW),  I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays, Wrap your arms around me, baby boy (EDUARDO ENERGY IN FIX IT FIC)

CORNELIA STREET

I rent a place on Cornelia Street (MARK’S PLACE IN PALO ALTO),  We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go (THEY STARTED OVER),  And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again (YEAH),  And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name (PALO ALTO SCREAMS MARK’S NAME) And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away (MARK TO EDUARDO),  Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours  (SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING THE NORTH FACE JACKET),  We bless the rains on Cornelia Street (RAIN IN PALO ALTO HAS TO BE BLESSED CAUSE IT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN EVIL),  Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on, I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street, Before you even knew I was gone (EDUARDO)  But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel  (MARK SHOWED HIS HAND AND <3),  I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends (MARK AND EDUARDO),  That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend (MARK AND EDUARDO),  Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen (THEY WATCHED IT BEGIN AGAIN)

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: THE DILUTION SONG

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby (EDUARDO),  I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up (STILL CAN’T HELP BUT WATCHING ONE ANOTHER),  'Cause I can’t pretend it's okay when it's not it's death by a thousand cuts   (EDUARDO),  I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright, They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town (EDUARDO AND MARK IN THE SAME CITY DURING THE DEPOSITIONS),  You said it was a great love, one for the ages but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages? (THE STORY AIN’T OVER YET THE SOCIAL NETWORK 2),  My heart, my hips, my body, my love, tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch gave up on me like I was a bad drug (MARK DITCHED HIM LIKE A BAD DRUG AND TOUCHED HIM EVERYWHERE),  Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Why are my fears at the touch of your hands? Paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts (FACEBOOK WAS THEIR COUNTRY IT WAS A LAWLESS LAND, MARK’S HANDS, EDUARDO’S TRUST, HE TOOK SO MUCH AND EDUARDO GAVE SO MUCH AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH, THERE WERE SO MANY CUTS)

LONDON BOY:

But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first  (MARK’S FUCKING DIMPLES),  And then I heard the accent, they say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives (MARK HEART EDUARDO’S ACCENT AND HE’S IN SINGAPORE NOW :’( )  He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet (EDUARDO LIKES MARK’S AMERICAN SMILE LIKE A CHILD WHEN THEIR EYES MEET), 

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER:

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror (EDUARDO),  I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky (EDUARDO),  Soon, you'll get better, You'll get better soon, cause you have to (EDUARDO TO HIMSELF),  But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do. If there's no you? (EDUARDO THINKING OF MARK),  This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because, cause I have to (EDUARDO YEARS AFTER THE DILUTION) 

FALSE GOD:

We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work remember how I said I'd die for you? (EDUARDO)  We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us Remember how I’d lie to you? (MARK),  And I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town I'm New York City, I'd still do it for you, babe (EDUARDO),  They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost (YEAH BIG MARKWARDO VIBES),  When you're led by blind faith, blind faith (EARLY FACEBOOK DAYS),  But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god We'd still worship, we might just get away with it, the altar is my hips even if it's a false god, we’d still worship this love (EDUARDO AND YEAH),  Hell is when I fight with you, but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness (VERY THEM),  Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you (MARK)

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN:

MARK AND EDUARDO’S FUCKING DRAMATICS SEE MY WHOLE BREAK DOWN OF IT ON MY BLOG

AFTERGLOW:

THE MARK APOLOGY

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue, put you in jail for something you didn’t do, I pinned your hands behind your back, oh, thought I had reason to attack, but no (MARK DILUTING EDUARDO),  Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves, chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say (I MEAN EDUARDO’S FACE DURING THE DEPOSITIONS UGHHHH THIS MARK),  Hey, it's all me, in my head, I'm the one who burned us down, But it's not what I meant, Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you (Ooh) I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh) I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow (MARKS APOLOGY),  It's so excruciating to see you low just wanna lift you up and not let you go  (MARK TO EDUARDO),  I lived like an island, punished you in silence (MARK) Went off like sirens, just crying (EDUARDO),  Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind (LAPTOP SMASH MUCH)  I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault, Tell me that I'm all you want (EDUARDO TO MARK)  Even when I break your heart, I need to say, Hey It’s all me (Mark)

ME!:

They’re happy in their individuality now there’s a more in-depth look on my blog

It’s Nice to Have a Friend:

Lost my gloves, you give me one (Mark) "Wanna hang out?"(Eduardo) Yes, sounds like fun (Mark) Video games, you pass me a note  (What Kirkland fic doesn’t have them playing video games?) It's nice to have a friend (Best Friends),  You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too, something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (Classic Markwardo fic move),  Call my bluff, call you "Babe" Have my back, yeah, every day, Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend (Mark)

Daylight:

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven, I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye (MARK ENERGY),  I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night and now I see daylight (EDUARDO),  Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky and so I became the butt of the joke (EDUARDO ABOUT THE DILUTION),  I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked, clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke (Mark wounded Eduardo and trusted Sean, trying to make Facebook stronger he ended up hurting Eduardo),  Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down (Mark ran with the wolves (sean) and refused to settle down always working still),  Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town (Eduardo storming out of Facebook),  Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now it's brighter now, now (They’ve resolved their issues now),  And I can still see it all (In my mind) (Their past is their past and it’s still there but they’re stronger),  All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) (Eduardo thought love should be simple and easy and no fighting) And I can still see it all (In my head), back and forth from New York (Eduardo having to fly back and forth, and them being apart) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden (Mark believed love was nothing but passion but he discovered it was more complex) You gotta step into the daylight and let it go, just let it go, let it go (They had to let go of their issues and focus on the fact they were meant for one another)

#the social network #tsn #tsntswift #markwardo

[anxiety-n-chill]

Draft of My Ohmtoonz Fanfic

Chapter Warnings:

Homophobia, Cursing, Mention of shooting and guns and death, Mental Breakdown, Crying, Abuse, Anxiety, Insecurities.

____________________________________

    Sickness was not always physical. For example, depression.

I had always been a happy person, or at least I tried my best, but recently it's become impossible to even fake it. I know it's just petty internet shit, we all deal with haters, but it's not the same. These people seem to know me, know my weaknesses.

'Your shit sucks, Luke. Fucking quit already'.

'Faggot!'

'You and Ohmwrecker god fucking queers'.

'Your father must fucking be so disappointed'.

'Should've been aborted'.

Positive people, true fans, protected me in the replies, but it didn't help. These just struck me. It's like they knew...knew about my secrets.

My laptop interrupted my thoughts with the familiar ring of a Skype call. I debated on ignoring it, but keeping myself in this depressing slump would just make things worse. I scooted my chair away from my setup and grabbed the laptop off my bed. I briefly smiled and the little collage of bunny stickers.

Opening up, I see the call was from the one and only Ohmwrecker. With a breathy chuckle, I answer.

"Good day, Ohmie," I greet. As usual, Ohm had his camera turned off, and I returned it with my own camera off.

"Toonzy! How's you?" Ryan's little giggle sends another smile on my face.

"Good..." I swallow as the hate comments return in my mind. Ryan catches this somehow; he's one of my best friends, of course he would.

Ryan gets serious. "Don't lie to me, Luke. What's up, man?"

I sigh and admit I had read the hate comments on my recent video. This isn't the first time I've put myself through torment like this, and Ryan had comforted me then too.

"Oh, Luke," Ryan says quietly, "We talked about this. Maybe it's best to turn off the comments on videos if they're getting bad like that."

"It would raise questions from fans," I answer, "And I can't ignore the true fans. I just...I just wish I was so damn sensitive."

"You're not sensitive, Luke," Ryan comforts, "Maybe go over to Del's house for a bit. He'd certainly get your mind off things."

I debate this for a minute. It wouldn't be a bad idea, and I haven't hung out with Jon in a while.

"Yeah I think I will," I say, "I'll text him now. I'll call you later, maybe we can record? Oh, also, thanks for the bunny stickers."

I hear Ryan give another laugh.

"Of course, Toonzy. See ya."

"Love ya, man."

And with that, I end the call. I place the laptop back onto my bed and return to my setup. Grabbing my phone, I send a quick text to Jon.

'yo u open to hang?'

I doubted he would be awake at 2pm, but it was worth a shot. To my surprise, my phone dinged soon after I laid it down.

'helllll yeah! just cum ovr whenevr man'

'k, ill get there in about an hour'

'cool beans'

I lay my phone back down and look at my desktop. The comments were still open on the screen.

'Faggot'.

'Queer'.

'Burn in hell, gay bitch'.

I close the tab with a sharp inhale. Ryan is right, looking at these won't help. I need to get out.

Before I change my mind, I go get a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. Freshening up and splashing some water on my face calms me down a bit. I slide on my boots and grab my phone, then my keys.

I head out of my house, making sure to lock my door behind me. As I walk to the driver's side of my car, I reach over my hood to swat away the neighborhood stray cat off. It gives me a disapproving look and runs away into the hole of my neighbor's fence.

As soon as my car starts, a song softly starts to play though the speakers.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."

That's depressing, too depression for me. I click the station off and connect it to Bluetooth, quickly restarting a podcast I had began last week.

Nothing interesting broke me from my depressing and lonely thoughts on the way over to Jon's. I guess the universe wants me to suffer.

The ride wasn't as long as I expected, guess I zoned out. Turning off my phone and car, I exit and make my way up to Jon's front door.

The doorbell was able to be faintly heard outside, though it was drowned out by the sound of pounding footsteps.

Jon opens the door wide and stands there with a big smile. "CARTOONZ," he laughs loudly.

Jon, surprisingly, was a lot taller than me, even taller than Bryce. He had black hair than stayed in a short buzz, and he has a bit of a stumble on his chin. His skin was very pale, and his eyes were a dark gray. Jon is a lanky fellow, but don't doubt his strength. He's a stubborn bitch.

"Hey, man," I chuckle and give him a quick hug. He closes the door behind me and leads me into his kitchen.

"Coke?" I nod and he tosses a Pepsi to me and grabs a 7up for himself. I silently disagree with his choice, but hey, he's a hater of Pepsi and is kink enough to keep some in his fridge for me.

"So what's good," he asks as he leaps up onto his counter to sit. I lean against on the counter beside him.

"Um..." I know I should talk to him about it, but Jon is like my little brother. I shouldn't put this all on him.

  "Ey man," Jon says more seriously, "What's wrong, Luke."

  I give him the same story as Ryan. My heart feels heavy again.

  Jon's knuckles are white at the edge of the countertop. "Fucking assholes. Wish I could teach em a lesson," he growls.

  "Jon, they're probably kids.." I say. Jon nods but is still tense.

  "I don't want anything to happen to you, Luke," he says quietly, "Not after high school."

  I gulp. I dated Jon's sister, Lucille, in high school, and me and Jon got close. Though her and I aren't together now, him and I still see each other as family. I grew up with depression, and Jon was there along with Lucille. They saw the worst of me.

  "I'm not a teen anymore," I mumble, "I should be able to handle this."

  "You aren't expect to handle shit! Lil fuckfaces shoulda grow up!" he says sternly. I smile a bit at his frustrated face.

  "I know, Jonny," I sigh, "but hey, they're not wrong..."

  Jon snorts, "They are. Bein' bi don't make you uh-uh fag!"

  I came out to Jon a bit after I left Lucille. It wasn't a rough breakup, even after dating for 8 years. We both knew it just wasn't for us as adults, more like a teen fling. Anyway, coming out to Jon was rough. He was accepting, and even told me he was gay. We cried together in our shared apartment. Afterwards, we drank cheep beer and played Mario cart.

  I give a little chuckle and Jon belts out a loud laugh. This is why this dumbfuck was my best friend. He can never fail to make me laugh.

"Hey, so me and Ohm wanna record t'night," I say after we calm down, "You up for some?" I see Jon dart his eyes for a second and bite the inside of his mouth. Fuck, what did this boy do now.

"Uh well I gots plans," he says awkwardly, "I promise Ev-Vanoss...that I'd play GTA." That's nothing unusual, so why is he all flustered?

"What's up, though? You're gettin all red," I ask with concern. Jon takes a chug from his 7up and swallows slowly to waste time.

"Uh...Vanoss wants to meet up."

"Oh shit," I gasp. Jon hasn't met the others- in person at least. Meaning they haven't seen his face. None of them know why he don't show his face expect me.

Bullies fucking suck.

"So...are you gonna?" I ask after a pause. Jon gulps and shrugs.

"I wanna...b-but ya know man," he sighs, "What if it gets online, or he expect something else."

I've heard this from Jon many times whenever he brings up fans wanting a face reveal. But this is different. This is his best friend Evan asking.

"Don't if you don't wanna 100%," I say, "I'll go with you if that'ul help." Jon nods and finishes his drink.

"I'll think about it."

After a few hours of watching movies and playing games, I say bye and head home. As soon as I do, a text lights up my phone.

'you home, toonz?'

I quickly unlock my phone to answer Ryan.

'yeah am now wuzzup?'

'bryce wants to play duo with me on some new game, trynna see what game you got in mind'

'uno?'

'I'm up for it, maybe he can join and put off his game'

'cool with me'

I head to my bedroom after grabbing a slice of pizza from last nights dinner. I open up my desktop and go to tumblr just to waste time as Ryan tries to convince Bryce to play.

- - -

So this is the first chapter (draft) and I would like opinions! There’s another little part after this that switches to Del’s POV with Vanoss n shit but I’m pretty solid on that. Feel free to criticize :3

#bbs #banana bus squad #ohmtoonz #fanfiction #fanfic #draft #critique #h2o vanoss #lgbt #wattpad

[carylerxsecretsanta]

Carol of the Bells

for @wolviesgal​

Title: Carol of the Bells Author: thegoldenkittenking Rating: T+ Summary: Carol comes to a surprising realization during the holiday season. A/N: More angsty fluff, which is– apparently– my thing. This is AU after season 7 and Carol and Daryl are hanging out at the Kingdom. 

The realization hits Carol like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere, knocking the breath out of her and leaving her dazed and confused.

They’re not even doing anything particularly romantic. Nothing that would trigger such a sudden and world-changing realization. He didn’t ask her to a moonlit stroll through the one ornamental garden the Kingdom has. Nor did he invite her to a candlelit dinner (although most of their dinners are candlelit now).

No, she realizes it sitting across from him stringing popcorn onto a string. A rotten floor in a house they were looting put them both out of commission for any real helpful work, but even with aching backs and bruises covering every inch of them, they can’t sit still. So they’re given light busy-work, which includes making popcorn garlands to cover the various real and fake trees the Kingdom has gathered.

The Kingdom takes Christmas very seriously and it’s absolutely bizarre to Carol. She hasn’t even thought of trying to celebrate since the world went to hell and it’s not like they knew what the calendar month it was. But the Kingdom does. And they certainly don’t half-ass their Christmas celebrations.

Daryl is huddled over his strand, applying the same diligent focus as he does to any task that is set before him. Carol looks up from her own half-strung garland, just to watch him. She loves to watch him get lost in his work. It’s one of the few times he’s completely unguarded. As she watches him work, she’s struck by the realization she is completely, desperately in love with him.

She stops working, she’s so shocked. Carol has always held him in high regard and with more than a little affection. He is her best and dearest friend. But love? Real, romantic love? She always thought she was beyond that. Any ideas she held of romance and true love were obliterated by Ed.

How does she even deal with this? Daryl has never shown her any indication he feels anything more than platonic affection. Or that he even wants anything more than her friendship. She can’t act on these feelings. They would ruin everything she holds dear. Carol would much rather pine than lose him completely. That is a fate worse than death.

“Ya okay?”

Daryl’s voice pulls her out of her reverie. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little sore.”

It’s true and little isn’t even half of it. Falling through the floor into the basement left her with broken, or at the very least bruised, ribs. Every breath sends a sharp pain through her entire right side. It’s a better answer than admitting what she’s just realized though.

“‘M sorry.” He hangs his head in shame.

“It’s not your fault. How were you supposed to know that the floor would give out?”

“Shoulda tested it or somethin’ Sounded real bad when I stepped on it.”

“I’ll recover. I’ve had worse.” Aching ribs and bruising with decent medical attention is a hundred times better than what she got from Ed.

Daryl sets down his garland and stretches with a wince. “Gettin’ hungry. Ya wanna grab somethin’?”

This is their nightly routine. Grab dinner and then hang out together. She loves it usually, loves spending time with him, but tonight, after her realization, she doesn’t think she can stand being that close with him. “I think I’m going to go lay down. My body’s putting all its energy into healing, I’m exhausted.”

“Oh… Okay. Uhhh, ya want me to grab ya anything?”

“No.” She watches his face fall and she tries to take the sting out of her rejection. “Thank you though. I appreciate it.”

She leaves him and her half-finished garland behind, making her way to her room.

***

She’s been avoiding Daryl for the last few days. Needs space from him to try and order her thoughts and feelings so she doesn’t betray herself. She couldn’t stand the sting of rejection. Especially his rejection.

So she throws herself headfirst into the Kingdom’s Christmas preparations, using it as an excuse to avoid spending time with Daryl. She can see the hurt in his eyes every time she makes an excuse, but her fear keeps her away. Can’t bear the thought of her silliness breaking their relationship.

She feels like she did back in Alexandria, when they first arrived. Hiding from Daryl because she couldn’t let him see how broken she was. How he’d read her in a second if she spent any time with him. Their separation strained them both emotionally and guilt churns her stomach. She doesn’t want to repeat those awful months. Not when she missed him terribly then and is beginning to miss him

Finally, after a long day of hanging up swag that ignites the ache of her recent injuries, she pulls herself together– she’s an adult goddammit and this is not something to be afraid of– and seeks him out. Tries to form an apology without revealing the real reasons why she’s been avoiding him.

She turns the corner into the main courtyard, and catches a glimpse of Daryl. Can’t help the wave of excitement and affection that rolls over her. She can feel a smile forming on her lips, until she sees what he’s doing.

And then her entire face crumbles.

He’s talking to one of the women from the Kingdom. And smiling and laughing with her. Daryl doesn’t do that with people, at least not people he’s uncomfortable around. And he’s very comfortable around her.

Her entire chest hurts.

Carol can’t even find it in herself to be mad. Sarah is wonderful and incredibly kind and sweet. The perfect type of person for Daryl. Carol shouldn’t feel like she’s lost something.

Daryl was never hers to begin with.

Carol takes a deep, steadying breath and shoves all of her emotions down deep. She’s happy for him. He deserves someone who can make him happy and laugh and isn’t carrying an abusive marriage and dead child’s worth of emotional baggage.

Someone better than her.

Even heartbroken she pushes forward, intent on trying to reconnect with Daryl. It isn’t like she hasn’t recovered from great disappointment before.

Pastes a half-convincing smile once she nears him. He may be seeing someone, but that doesn’t mean Carol isn’t going to give up on their friendship.

“You okay?”

Of course he sees right through her. “Just sore from hanging up all the swag. Don’t think I’m quite as recovered as I thought I was.”

Daryl’s brow furrows. “Gotta be careful. Don’t wantcha hurtin’ yerself.”

“I’m fine. I was wondering, do you want to eat together or…”

“Course I do.” Daryl wipes his hands on his pants. “Missed ya the last few nights.”

“I did to,” she admits.

God, did she miss him.

***

Christmas has arrived cold and clear and the entire Kingdom lost their collective mind. She hasn’t seen a group of people so excited for Christmas since she helped out in Sophia’s  second-grade classroom.

It’s a bittersweet day for Carol. She’s gotten caught up in the air of cheer and Christmas spirit that hangs around the Kingdom, but she can’t help but think of past Christmases. Ed was always on his best behavior and kept insults and general foulness to a minimum. Sophia was excited every year, hardly able to sleep the night before. It was her favorite holiday and Carol can’t separate it from her little girl. It will always be steeped in sadness and nostalgia for her.

Carol sits outside in one of the gazebos, spiced cider in hand. The last few jugs of cider from the apple harvest were hidden for today and Carol thinks it was worth it. There’s nothing more festive than a cup of spiced cider on a freezing day.

The only people not in the cafeteria properly celebrating are her and whoever is on guard duty. She can’t bring herself to participate but she doesn’t mind watching.

“There ya are.” Daryl huffs as he walks up the stairs into the gazebo. “Been lookin’ for ya.”

“I’ve been here.”

He gives her a lopsided smile and sits next to her, pulling a lumpy looking package out of his jacket.

He shoves the messily wrapped package towards. “Got this for ya,” he mutters to the ground.

She takes it out of his hands and holds it to her chest. “I didn’t get you anything,” she says, dismayed. They’ve never officially exchanged gifts before, never had a reason to.

“Don’t gotta. Ya’ve already given me” He pauses, searching for a word “… a lot,” he mumbles out looking not quite at her.

She unwraps it gently, trying not to tear it open in her excitement and curiosity. Can’t remember the last time she received a wrapped present from someone. Sophia, she thinks, who gave her her earrings just a few months before the Turn.

Inside the wrapping paper is a soft red wool sweater and light blue flannel pajama bottoms. It’s surprisingly… intimate.

“Why didn’t you give these to Sarah?” Carol asks, confused.

“Why?” Daryl asks, looking slightly bewildered.

“Aren’t you two… together?”

“What? No! I… uh… asked for her help with the bottoms. ‘Cause ya said all yers were gettin’ holes in ‘em and these were kinda too big. Can’t ask ya to fix yer own present, so I asked her for help.”

“Oh…” Hearing that they aren’t together fills her with a sort of giddy happiness, “Thank you. I love them.”

Daryl smiles and they sit in companionable silence until something catch’s Carol’s eye.

“Oh…” Daryl looks over at her and follows her gaze up where a bunch of mistletoe hangs jovially from the rafters.

“The fuck they’d find that?” Daryl asks.

Carol lets out a surprised laugh. “It’s a parasitic plant, isn’t it? Probably around in some tree somewhere.”

“Don’t half-ass this shit do they?”

“They take Christmas very seriously here.” Carol stops and can’t help but wonder if she’s going to go to far. “It’s considered bad luck if you don’t kiss.”

Daryl eyes her and then says, “Don’t wanna get bad luck. Not in this climate.”

He leans over as her heartbeat speeds up and her breath quickens. Daryl presses the softest kiss against her lips. It’s momentary and light as a feather, but, holy shit, it happened.

“Merry Christmas,” Carol half-whispers as she leans into his shoulder.

Daryl presses a kiss against the top of her head and rests his head against hers.

“Merry Christmas”

Thank you for reading! And Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!

#caryl secret santa 2017 #Caryl #from thegoldenkittenking #wolviesgal #gift 1 of 1 #submission