#like . i am actively putting myself out there . i am also ready to return the adoration

[greazyfloz]

“I think I’m pregnant”

with luke hughes?

Fluff: 5. “I think I’m pregnant” w/ Luke Hughes

I'll Be Here

Luke was at practice while I was just laying in his bed waiting for him to get back. I was scrolling through my phone when I got a random notification from my period tracker app. I thought nothing of it and just slid the notification up and out of the way. As I continued scrolling, it hit me. 

“Shit!” I say to myself rushing to open the period tracker app praying that I just got dates wrong or something in my head, but I cannot remember the last time I had my period. I open my app, and it tells me I am 2 weeks late. “Shit!” I say again standing up immediately feeling sick with anxiety. 

I stand up and pace around the room as I try my best not to let the tears fall that I am fighting so hard for them to go away. The front door of the house opens and the house is flooded with whooping and hollering from the boys all arriving back from practice. I go over and shut the door before sitting on the bed.

 ‘Don’t stress’, ‘you aren’t pregnant’, ‘just because you are late doesn’t mean you are pregnant’ I keep telling myself, but then I also keep reminding myself that Luke and I are not the same couple we were a year ago. Sometime in the last year we ditched the condoms and became way more sexually active with each other. ‘Okay, just don’t cry Y/n’ I keep thinking to myself. 

The door swings open and reveals my smiley boyfriend. 

“Hey beautiful” he says walking up and wrapping me in his arms

“Hi” I say into his shoulder before breaking. I put my head in his chest and cry. Luke sits me on the bed and goes back to shut the door before coming back over and sitting beside me rubbing my back. 

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” Luke says worriedly, “Look at me babe”

“I can’t” I say crying a little harder.

Luke gets off the bed and onto one knee so he is kneeling in front of me, he starts rubbing my knee, and I reach out to hug him. He holds me in his arms bringing us both up to our feet. He doesn’t let go, he just holds me. 

Finally, I pull away and look up at him, “Luke, I think I’m pregnant.” I said and sat on the bed far enough to pull my knees up into my chest and cry into them. I feel the bed dip beside me as Luke sits wrapping his arm around me pulling me closer to him. 

“Did you take a test?” he asks as I let go of my knees and straighten them out. Luke grabs them and pulls you onto his lap.

“No, but I’m 2 weeks late” I tell him as he brushes the tear soaked strains of hairs from my face, “You came home right after I realized”

“Okay, well do you want me to go to the pharmacy” 

“Okay, I’m coming” 

I walk across the hall to the bathroom, taking my makeup off and throwing my hair in a bun. I walk out and back to Luke’s room. “Ready?” he asks and I nod as he takes my hand and heads towards the door. After Luke opens the door, he notices all the boys watching us leave. My face is noticeably blotchy from crying still so no one says anything. Luke lightly pushes me in front of him to guide me out the door and to his car opening my door for me before walking around to get in. 

When we returned back to Luke’s. He turns the key and looks over at me, “Would you rather take it at your place. I know it is a bit crowded here”

“Just as crowded as mine. Plus we will end up coming back here anyway” I say before opening the door. And making my way to the front door. I stop at the front door and look at Luke

“What?” he says worried

“I was just going to say I need a cup.. To-uh pee in so I can take both of them”

“Oh fuck, you scared me” he says, “Yeah, I’ll go get one. Go up, I’ll be right there”

I head upstairs and the boys are still back in the front room as Luke passes them to the kitchen. I can hear Luke say ‘don’t worry about it’ and ‘I’ll talk to you after’. Luke comes into the bathroom with me and hands me a red solo cup. “You want me to like- hold it or something?” Luke says awkwardly, making me smile for the first time all night.

“No” I say beginning to pull my pants down, “turn”

“Y/n” he says turning around, “I’ve literally seen you pee before”

I can tell Luke is already impatient waiting. I finish peeing and set the cup on the counter before wiping and flushing. Luke turns back around and helps we take one of the test out of the package while I do the same to the other before putting them in the cup. I take them out of the cup and put the caps back on them placing them on the counter.

Luke and I sit with our backs against the wall behind us waiting. Neither of us say anything for a bit, before I break the silence, “are you going to leave? I say looking straight in front of me avoiding eye contact I may gain from Luke

“What?” Luke says looking at me but only seeing the side of my face

“If those tests say I’m pregnant, are you going to leave me?”

“Why won't you look at me?”

“Because I can’t watch you break my heart”

“That’s not going to happen!” Luke says bringing a hand up to my face pulling it so I am facing him, “I love you Y/n. Everytime I tell you that I mean it”

“I love you too Luke” I say and he places a kiss on my lips before standing

“Want to check together?” he says stretching his hand out to lift me to my feet. He stands behind me lifting the first one 

+

I feel a tear sting my eye, Luke doesn’t say anything yet though. He picks up the other test

+

Luke turns me around so I am looking at him. He can see the tears threatening to fall from my eyes, he brings me into my chest hugging me tight, “I’m not going anywhere, I love you” he says

“I love you” I muffle into his chest

Don't know if I want to leave it here or continue

#luke hughes #umich hockey imagine #umich hockey #umich imagine #umich blurbs #nhl writing #nhl imagine #hockey imagines

[echoedcrosshairs]

Unseen Scars ~ p.2

Summary: Female Jedi survived order 66 hides out in the underground of Ord Mantell. Hiding out in Cid's parlor keeping your head down you see Rex's face and get sent backward in time. (Gif by @dreamswithghosts)

Warning: Order 66 Jedi Trauma, Feeling Haunted, Soft Rex, Angsty and Love

Word count: 2.7

Masterlist part 1

Facing all that you fear will free you from yourself. Your nerves were still on edge tempting you to flee being around the rest of clone force 99 even if their chips weren't activated they were still at risk at going nuclear at any moment. Although the walk back to the parlor soothed your nerves being Echo and him again but going into the parlor into such a cramped space didn't help. Rex positioned you behind him hoping it would help sooth you, his arm went around your waist ready to shove you away if necessary. Nonchalantly Echo had placed himself between Rex and the rest of his brothers, he may have trusted them with every bone in his body since they rescued him but you were still the commander to him. They both wanted to protect you even from a non existed threat. It was comforting that after all this time Rex and Echo just had to look at each other to know what the other was thinking. The 501st may be gone but the bond between them lives on.

"Do you think the Commander will rehabilitate?" Tech said flatly looking at you then back to Rex mind conversation, "Obviously I disagree with the systematic eradication of the Jedi, she does not possess the same mental fitness as we clones have been bred to endure and the order has seem to take a heavy toil on her mental aptitude for returning to the fight."

"The Commander-" Rex started, "Can speak for herself," you cut in.

You swallowed looking at Tech, "A wise man once said Truth enlightens the mind, but won't always bring happiness to your heart. It is a lot to accept and understand but it doesn't heal the fact my own men, men I trusted with my life and fought beside for years, tried to terminate me nor the death of so many allies. That same man also said 'Ignore your own instincts at your own peril," you paused to look at them and up at Wrecker before your eyes shot back down, you couldn't help feel that something was wrong but the force was beckoning your silence, "I am not ready to find myself in that position again."

"Well get them out," Echo said defiantly, "We'll never be a threat to you, ever."

"I'll be in touch," Rex nodded pulling you away from them towards the exit but waited to speak until he put a decent amount of distance between you and Hunter, "The force is telling you something isn't it?"

"They have to get them out, soon. How did you get yours out?"

Jesse... Vaughn... Your mind wandered to the battlefield, having the 501st at your side. The boys always wanted to die in battle but never like that. You wiped the corner of your eyes, "They were good men," you choked out when he was done.

"The best."

The both of you continued down the street in silence, at some point your hand found his. It still hurt to look at him but his presence helped the pain, "Now what?" you whispered.

"You can stay here... or you can help me save my brothers, I have to try."

You looked at him, the conviction as dedication across his face was the same one he had before a battle, "I'll come," you whispered before you had time to think it through, "Don't know how much use I'll be, Tech has a point."

"It doesn't matter, just having a Jedi with us is enough especially you Commander," Rex said squeezing your hand, "We should gather your belongings, the boys are destined to pick me up shortly."

Weaving between side streets it was an easy back track to your tiny place, Rex found a bag and quickly packed your clothes as your hand rested against the slats in the floor concealing your past.  You scooted up lifting the slate with the force letting your free hand dig out the pouch after putting the board back you opened it retrieving the saber. The weight felt foreign in your grasp, the metal cool to the touch. You flicked it up into the air catching it with the other hand, just like riding a speeder. Looking over you saw Rex observing with a small smile before he returned to packing, you tucked the saber away.

"Are you sure about this?" he said slinging the bag over his shoulder but not looking at you trying to hide the grim expression. He would keep giving you a chance to go back to a normal life if you wanted one even if it hurt him, the war took so much from you he didn't want to be the reason you lost any more.

"Facing all that you fear will free you from yourself," you stated with a heavy breath, it wasn't the simple answer you knew Rex wanted but it was the truth, "If you remember Anakin and I were never one for running when things got tough. I think I've hidden in the shadows long enough." That statement was the first sliver of hope you had in a long time. Your eyes found Rex's, fondness had swept over them at the mention of the old days, the simple days. Keeping eye contact you took the short steps across to him tucking your face in his neck holding him. Your body still screamed run but your heart told you not to let go.

His hand found your back rubbing it, "We should get going," he sighed not wanting the tender moment to end, "Let's meet the 105th," he smirked.

"Did you really just switch the numbers?" you said with real genuine laughter.

"No, but I think I'll start calling us that if you make that beautiful sound again," he said putting your arm through the crook of his, "Let's go."

Finding the ship wasn't hard, it was discreet for the most part in the back of the docking station. The only tell tale sign that it was different then any of the standard ships around the port had been a barely noticeable white mark barely indistinguishable in the shape of Ashoka facial mark hidden near the bottom of the haul by the ramp.

Rex squeezed your hand tightly finding the nervous expression on your face, "None of these men will ever be a threat to you," he said giving the ship three solid knocks.

Your heart shook as the anticipation grew, these are Rex's men. Deserters of the Empire, they could be trusted. Right? I trusted my men... Clam grew over your skin as the ramp finally touched the ground. Looking up you found a green trooper looking down at you, one of master Yoda's men? You watched the trooper salute, standing at attention coughing to get the attention of the other trooper hanging near by who repeated his attention.

"Commander, this is Nemec and the brother over there is Fireball, at ease," Rex said giving them a stiff nod.

"Nice to meet you, Sir," Nemec said as you walked on board after Rex.

"She's a little skittish around us clones so give her breathing room."

"Don't blame her," Fireball murmured, "I barely ever want to see our face again," he heard Nemec cough finding the glare he was giving him, "Just saying, I can barely stand to look at it after what our brothers did."

"His chip's defective, deteriorated but unlike Tup's it didn't execute the order early. It's out now. He took the loss of his General hard and found me soon after," Rex whispered.

"Let's get out of here, I'm going to show the Commander around," Rex said gesturing away from them, "Refresher, their room, my room, mess... sorta," he shrugged, "storage closet, I could turn that into your private room if you want one," he shrugged again nervously rubbing his neck at the unspoken question hanging in the area.

"I think I should share yours Captain, I'll want my own bed of course."

Rex's heart skipped a beat, "I can arrange that," he tried to keep his stern dignified expression but felt like a cadet, of course their had been nights together but never like this coexisting in the same place, "Sorry," he coughed finding the responsive blush across your face. "Anyway, you can take my bed for now. I'll go grab a spare mat from the storage room," he said setting the pack down on his bed excusing himself so you to get settled in. It's not like before di'kut, the reminder settled in his bones wondering if all of the closeness had been to much. He tried to steal himself to that possibility. Taking a seat outside the room, he forced himself to clear his mind until Nemec walked over.

"You sure about this, Captain," he said jetting his chin towards the door, "We need a Jedi on our side but are we sure being in these cramped quarters is good for her?"

Rex understood his brothers concern, he looked at the door for a moment before placing a hand on the man's shoulder, "She was always the backbone holding the men together after every major loses and always giving us hope. It's time we do the same for her." His tone was firm, "I trust her, she choose to come with me for a reason. I believe she knows she can work through this."

"Did you ever think she came because she loves you?"

"Trust her judgement, Vod," Rex smiled taking his hand off his shoulder, "Let's head to base." Turning on his heel Rex rummaged through the storage closet grabbing the rolled up mat before heading back to his room. Our room, he thought smiling. When he returned all of your belonging had already taken up the spade signifying your stay with him.

"I haven't seen or slept on one of those in ages," you smiled softly looking at the poor express for a bed as he laid it out, "I'll take the mat if you want the bed-."

"Don't even think about taking the floor Mesh'la," he said bringing his gaze to yours, "We'll head to our base to plan to get The Bad Batch's chips out and you can see everyone else, I know their's a couple other 501st troopers who'd love to see you," he smiled.

"Who?" You asked going wide eyed.

"Hawk and Dogma," his grinned widen, "I definitely didn't expect it either," he cautiously said walking forward letting one hand fall to your hip, "A Jedi and a captain, whatever are they going to think," he jested hearing you laugh melting some of the burdens in his heart, "I've missed you every passing moment, Cyare," his grin faltered for a second before returning, "No matter how long it takes I'll wait for you to be ready again," he said letting go, "the rest of my life if need be. Now I have to try to figure out how to get their chips out."

"Captain?"

"Yes, Mesh'la?"

You took the step back towards him wrapping your arms around his neck, the familiar scent, feel of him and the warm tiny tug through the force, "Thank you for being patient," you pulled away wrapping your arms at your side, "We can use the republic scrap yard, their were rumors of a ship being delivered."

"And you know this how?" Rex smiled crossing his arms.

"I did have a salvaging job to get by."

"I'll let the boys know and we can devise a plan, welcome back Commander."

You followed after him, skin prickling at Nemec and Fireballs presence. They each offered a small smile as you took the sit next to the Captain as he started planning. He was quiet for what seemed like forever when he hand stretched out and rested in your thigh as he kept working. You looked down at it, lip quivering as tears threaten to fall again. It's a different time, you placed your hand over his as you chimed it time to time with what little information you had.

"Rex?"

"Yes, Mesh'la?" he said not lifting his eyes from the task at hand.

"I'll love you the rest of my life too," you whispered squeezing his hand, "I think we're getting ready to land again," you said feeling the ship slowing down.

Rex gave a tiny nod standing up interweaving his fingers with yours, guiding you towards the cockpit finding Fireball bringing the ship down. You observed the low tech handmade building and the small cluster of troopers already waiting outside, greens, greys, a red and then the 501st blue. You saw the familiar valiant tattoo across Dogma's face and then the red hawk wing tattoo's on Hawk's temples. Walking off the ship Rex placed himself between you and the rest of them, each set of eyes noticing the hands bound together. You felt like you were going to be sick being around this many troopers, it apparently must have paled you.

"Commander, you're not looking so good," Hawk pointed out.

"Let's get some air Cyare," he said softly, "Hawk, Dogma both of you are coming with me to help a couple of our brother's get their chips out."

"Yes, Sir."

Gently you felt Rex stir you away from the crowd away from prying eyes towards the edge of the small base, guiding you towards a crate to sit on overlooking the forest, "Better?" he asked quietly.

"Do you think Tech's right? What if-."

"A wise woman once told me when I was losing faith in myself; A soldier's most powerful weapon is courage. Courage begins by trusting oneself. You choose to come with me, Commander, you could have stayed on Ord Mantell and lived out a regular civilian life but you didn't."

"You've been waiting since Tibrin to toss that back at me, haven't you?" you said with a smile sad laugh, your gaze travelled to the sky remembering other sayings you were taught; Who we are never changes, who we think we are does. One must let go of the past to hold on to the future. To seek something is to believe in its possibility. I was- I am Jedi, a Commander in the Grand Army of the Republic and partner of one of the most highly decorated Captain's. I do not run when the battle get's rough, I stand beside my men and face evil head first. I am survivor of Order 66, I lived to fight another day. You exhaled a breath you were apparently holding. Turning your head, you took his appearance forcing your mind to calm down and body to still. The familiar earthly tone of his eyes; the arrays of brown to shimmering golds, the short blonde hair, the expressive eyes just for you and a smile that puts very sun to shame. While your body tried to fight but your mind had already come to terms with reality, it might take for your body to catch up but it would be worth it. Rex would be worth it. You watched his hand come up and caress your cheek, your breath hitched as you leaned into it bringing your hand to his.

"Possibly," he smiled finally answering the question, "Ready to go back?"

"Yeah, I want to see the boys," you smiled.

Rex pulled you closer to him, "Let's go see the boys," he affirmed keeping his hand around your waist stirring you around troopers until he found the two other blues in the back rolling up their sleeping packs.

"Sir," Dogma saluted before staring down at Rex's arm, "Regulations-"

"No longer exist," Hawk pointed out, "Called it," he chuckled.

"Nice to see you too, Dogma."

"Sorry, still getting use to it," he added nervously.

"Me too," you mumbled.

"I am happy for the two of you," Dogma quickly added, "When are we leaving?"

"In a couple hours," Rex said feeling your body slowly continue to tense. His mouth fell agape when you reached out hugging the two of them, "I've missed you, boys," you whispered before pulling back. Rex's hand found your waist again feeling the muscles constrict themselves into knots. He stirred both of you back to the ship to your's room, "That was bold," he murmured eyeing you cautiously as you climbed onto the bed.

"With great risk comes great rewards," you offered, gently tugging his hand towards the bed smiling as redness flushed across his face. Sheepishly he removed his poncho and armor discarding it to a regulation neat pile on the floor, “How about until we leave I try to get use to being next to you again?”

“There is no other place I rather be then next to you, Commander,” Rex smiled climbing into the bed, “Just tell me when it becomes to much, I don’t mind taking my time with the scars I can’t see.”

#captain rex #tbb captain rex #clone wars captain rex #captain rex x jedi reader #captain rex story #captain rex x reader #captain rex x you #clone wars fanfication #the bad batch fanfiction #clone wars fanfiction #clone wars angst #clone wars fluff #clone wars fanfic #captain rex fanfiction #Captain rex fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars story

[smartycvnt]

Title: Bad Idea

Pairing: Casey Novak x Reader

Prompt: "I trusted you."

Word Count: 744

Casey knew that she was well beyond the point of no return. She had crossed that line a long time ago. The active flirting with her boss had toed that line pretty hard. Elizabeth was the type of woman that Casey had fantasized about whenever she was younger. Ash was her girlfriend, and before that, they had been close friends. Ash was great, but there was something about Elizabeth that Casey couldn't stay away from.

"If you're not enjoying this, we can stop," Elizabeth said quietly. It was rare that they ever went back to Casey's place, but Elizabeth's was under construction and the hotel she was staying at was on the same street as the building where Ash worked. Casey couldn't go see Elizabeth there, and Ash was working extra late to make up some extra money.

"I am enjoying this. I always do, I was just thinking," Casey reassured her.

"A dangerous passtime." Elizabeth leaned over and pressed a kiss to Casey's lips. Casey leaned into the kiss happily. It had been only two weeks since they had seen each other last like this, but Ash had been busy most of that time. Casey didn't like to seem needy, but she knew that she needed a lot of care. Elizabeth had a tendency to keep to herself, but she was completely unselfish with her attention when it came to Casey.

"Not as dangerous as this," Casey laughed. Elizabeth let Casey pin her down to the bed. Kissing Casey was unlike anything that Elizabeth had experienced before. She had been with a few women before Casey, but none of them had the energy that Casey did. They could go for hours, and probably even longer before Elizabeth generally had to cut Casey off. She held herself too high to just lay around all day fucking like rabbits.

Elizabeth let out a giggle as Casey dipped her head down to kiss her neck. The giggle quickly turned into a moan as Casey nudged Elizabeth's thighs apart. They had finished not too long ago. Casey knew that despite Ash's late night, they were still technically crunched for time. She wanted one more round with Elizabeth before she had to take a shower and go to bed for the night. There wasn't court in the morning, but she had a lot of work to do with the so-called "case" that SVU had dropped on her desk earlier in the night.

"Fuck," Elizabeth swore. Casey was no stranger to Elizabeth's mouth. The woman had come up in a different time and could honestly swear better than most sailors. However, the tone threw Casey off enough for Casey to sit up and look around the room. Everything seemed normal until her eyes landed on Ash standing by the doorway. It took Casey a moment for her mind and body to catch up to each other, but once they did, she scrambled to cover herself up.

"I can explain!" Casey started immediately. Ash just put her hand up to silence Casey. She wasn't running out, so Casey counted that as a win. If Ash had stormed out, Casey wasn't sure if she would ever catch up to her. "It probably is what it looks like, but I swear that I didn't think you'd be home to find out."

"I trusted you," Ash's voice cracked as she spoke. Casey's face fell as she realized just how much she had fucked up. "Was I not good enough for you anymore? If you wanted to see other people, you could have told me. I trusted you, Casey. I loved you. I loved you more than I have ever let myself love anyone else because I trusted you."

"Ash, I'm sorry," Casey apologized. "I don't know what else to say."

"There's nothing you can," Ash told her. Casey nodded as she sat back on the edge of the bed. She watched Ash quickly gather a bag of her things. Casey knew where Ash was staying, but she also knew better than to try and go before Ash was ready to see her, if she ever was.

"I fucked up," Casey groaned as she fell back onto the bed. Her head landed beside where Elizabeth was still laying. Casey kept her eyes closed. She knew that Elizabeth was glaring at her with disappointment and anger, and Casey couldn't handle any of it at the moment. "I fucked up so bad."

"Yes, you did."

Tag List: @himbos-hotline @thepalaceofmelanie @polkadotpenguin16

#my writing #one shot #casey novak x reader #casey novak #svu x reader #svu #law & order x reader #law & order #law & order svu x reader #law & order svu

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello MBTI Notes . I hope you are doing well . I really enjoy the Blog you provided us with . It's really a gift . Thank you very much .

I am an INTP and still feel maladaptive and I really have some few problems I need to explain if you could help me with them . I will be really thankful . I have Seen that you ask your audience the purpose of their Questions .

My purpose for asking is the following : To understand myself better and also Improve myself and be self-actualized as I progress through Stages of ego development and cognitive function Mastery .

My Questions are the following :

Question #1 : How can I overcome the obsession that I have for the perfect way of starting my self-development Journey and what is wrong with starting now and every moment I feel so rather than obsess over starting the next morning fresh ? - I mean what do I need to do to internalize the shift in my mindset that this is how it should be done rather than gather information and organize them and create a framework for how to work and not do the actual work but just '' seem to do '' and plan rather than do the effective work .

I am aware that I generate activities to avoid doing the actual work by citing the importance of waking up early , having the right plan , right mental models and many more excuses for postponing but it feels like an addiction and I don't know how to break the pattern . How can I understand it better , is it just Underdeveloped Ne and weak Si due to more brainstorming ideas but difficulty implementing ?

Question #2 : When I have a mental model to work with , let's say , Maslow's hierarchy of needs , or The DEAL In 4 Hour work week to grow and Improve my Life and uplift myself using this mental models as they would help me grow through how loosely they become frameworks from which I could invite goals from different branches like Improve My Introverted thinking or Build a YouTube Channel about Conscious Politics , I have to somehow go on to Reddit to look for validation . Ask differently to get validation from different people but never experiment and derive the answer or Just find out and stop needing people excessively . Is this some sort of Fe grip ? -- Can I know how to undo it through cognitive function Improvement and what I would be aiming for to end it ?

Question #3 : My Third Question is more like why I am as an INTP and many others I met passive and apathetic and can't seem to find an ambition that drives us restless and hungry . I have been excited at times about specific ambitions but this seems to have dissolved when I reached 26 years . I definitely have introspected on more and more and had some answers like the following : Eliminate escapism language , put myself in no return environment like a different city where I am far from home and there is a prospect of being fired from apartment from a landlord , act before I am ready and other behaviors that would create the urgency to make it . But again , I lack self-trust In my answers ? - I don't trust myself much this days . I want to be ambitious because of the energy and burning desire to make it through different stages of my life improvement but passivity seems to be the overwhelming energy . Maybe because since the last 5 Years , I lost my father who I was doing more studying to impress , Lockdown lowered myself esteem through media and fear , Getting sick with terbocolusis . How to have a breakthrough from this ?

Notes : Sorry for all this questions , I would be really appreciative if you help me through them . Thanks for everything you do .

----------------------

I worked as a teacher for many years, so sometimes I can't help but look at situations from that perspective. To me, you sound like a student who is good at following instructions (and can thus get a good grade) but ultimately doesn't understand the purpose of the assignment (and thus hasn't really learned the lesson). Such students are good at reciting nice sounding words they heard from teacher but aren't yet capable of independent thought, which might explain why you depend on others to validate you. Even though you stated your purpose explicitly, there is something about it that doesn't quite ring true, as though the string of fancy words is masking an underlying issue. If the underlying issue is a mystery because you're not fully aware of it, there's not much I can do but speculate as to what it might be.

I often say that self-improvement must be motivated by a genuinely positive intention if one hopes to get truly positive results. Unfortunately, when people lack self-awareness, they aren't aware that their intention is actually negative, but they can convince themselves that it's positive nonetheless. Generally speaking, a negative intention unconsciously attempts to cover up a deeper psychological issue, usually because it would be too difficult/painful to examine it directly. In proceeding with a negative intention, attempts at self-improvement remain superficial at best, only ever addressing symptoms but never able to touch deeper root causes. This is a common pitfall of self-help methods. Addressing symptoms can of course bring some emotional relief or minor life progress, but it doesn't produce lasting psychological change or spiritual transformation of the sort you seem to be seeking.

Although you asked three questions, they seem related and all tied back to the same mysterious underlying issue. I believe the major clue comes in the third question about apathy. It's possible that your intention is actually negative because you're really just seeking to fill a void of emptiness within. If that's the case, even if you're able to reach all the goals you've set, you'll still feel inexplicably unfulfilled, because the goals haven't addressed the root problem.

A common manifestation of unhealthy Fe is being devoid of feeling inside, which can lead a person to seek sources of feeling from the outside world, in vain attempts to fill the void. The void is like a black hole, bottomless, so trying to fill it is a never-ending task. It can even turn into a sort of addiction that has to be fed regularly. In INTPs this addiction is usually fed through Ne via constant novelty-seeking or through Ti+Ne via constantly seeking out some new horizon to conquer. Unfortunately, novelty always wears off and then it's off to find something else for the void to consume.

How does one get out of this addictive pattern? Ideally, the first step is to confront the problem of emptiness directly, to understand it and find the right ways of resolving it. I don't know your history, so I can't tell you all the reasons for why you feel empty, how it originated, or how it evolved over time. It's something you need to reflect on.

The most I can say about it only relates to functional stack dynamics, so whether the following is true in your particular case is for you to decide. Being disconnected from Fe means that one lives in a state of emotional disconnection from the world. This existential state of disconnection creates emotional emptiness, which can manifest as boredom, indifference, or apathy. Related to your first two questions, the goals you set for yourself seem to exacerbate the disconnect rather than heal it. Your attempts at self-improvement can be self-sabotaging if, unconsciously, your intention isn't actually to grow but rather to cover up the problem of disconnection.

The way to heal emotional disconnection is to actively form emotional connections. You can change your physical environment all you want, but as long as you have no real emotional connection to it, you'll continue to feel empty. This would be an example of knowing how to follow instructions but not really grasping the lesson.

In essence, you have to make the choice to care and take responsibility for things other than yourself, things out in the real world. E.g.: How much do you care about what is outside of yourself? Do you live your life in a way where your existence matters to more than just you? Do you make any difference in other people's lives? Do you take on duties or get involved with causes that would allow you to offer the best of yourself to support and enhance a greater good? Do you value something more than your own personal gain? Do you nurture an appreciative and loving attitude toward all the objects and people surrounding you?

Working on Ti doesn't accomplish much as long as your knowledge and skills aren't being put to good use. Building a youtube channel where you talk to no one in particular doesn't accomplish much as long as you continue to shield yourself from any real entanglements or consequences. For some people, getting their life in order is the challenge they need to progress and grow. But for others, imposing order on life is a way to avoid the messiness of actually living a life (one of the temptations of Ti-Si loop). Perhaps the activities you have chosen keep the world existing as a mere abstraction or always at a comfortable distance, either way, the result is you remain emotionally disconnected from it.

To be connected to the world means being a full part of it. You can't just dip your toe in the water here and there, whenever it suits your mood, always safely in control, always free to walk away to something else. At some point, you have to dive into the sea, sink or swim on your own, immerse yourself completely and risk getting swept away by the tides. You claim to have done something like this through your "no return" scenarios, but it's possible those scenarios are well within your ability to manage and don't produce any significant stakes. The challenges you've set up are good personal challenges to conquer for learning some practical life skills, but they somehow conveniently leave the problem of Fe emotional disconnection untouched.

Eventually, most personality issues go back to auxiliary development. As mentioned, seeking out novelty or challenge as a means of filling an emotional void is a misuse of Ne. You mention "ambition" but Ne is more about aspiration - the two aren't the same. You aim for things you define as "higher" but they aren't anything greater in terms of grand vision. Ne requires investment of blood, sweat, and tears in an aspirational attempt to create great positive changes in the world around you.

Perhaps you focus too much on yourself, i.e., your feelings, your journey, your methods, your models, your goals, your race to prove you can reach some imaginary finish line (that would help cover up low self-esteem), etc etc. All that inward attention without the outward connections to balance it just maintains and worsens disconnection, doesn't it? But why is your attention so misplaced? Why do you get so caught up in nitpicking the details of what you should be doing? Well, sowing doubt and hesitation is a good way to forestall the scariest aspects of Ne+Fe development, isn't it? It seems your idea of what makes a good life is too small or narrow. I'm speaking of putting yourself FULLY out there in the world, committing to something important and risking all of your feelings and emotions in the process, i.e., what it takes to live a full life. Keep finding "reasons" to hold back from living and you'll eventually feel stuck in place.

#intp #auxiliary ne #si loop #inferior fe #apathy #boredom #indifference #emptiness #ask

[willowser]

i'm afraid i have to go out on my own for a bit !!

— but i will return, eventually, with lil gifts for us all 🌱✨️

navigation !!

this is my 'running away to the woods' moment.

i've been putting a lot of pressure on myself recently — since last year, to be honest — and i've been trying to figure that out with myself while also still being active here, but — i don't think it's working. i've known for a little while now that i need to take some time away from here in order to allow myself to write at my own pace, but 🥺 i simply did not want to leave 🥺 because i am going to miss each and every one of you 🥺 but !! sometimes we have to make the hard decisions !!

i really want to clarify that this is all my own doing and not because of anyone. you have all been so patient and kind and forgiving, to an extraordinary amount, and i hope you know how grateful i am !! my sanity would have broken down much sooner, had you all not been so LOL i am and always will be my own worst enemy though !! so now i need to get out of my own way and stop taking advantage of the grace everyone is giving me !!

i don't know when i'll be back, but i will 💐 once i have some things finished and ready to go, i will come back to share them with you all !! southern charm and pleased to meet you will be finished and queued up, and i plan to have some other little one-off things that i hope you will all enjoy.

so this isn't goodbye !! just a ta-ta for now kind of deal !! i will still be active on discord, and i will give it out if you'd like to see me there !! and i will also still be on twitter ! you may see me around occasionally to do some tidying up; i'd like to make some changes to my tagging system, update my masterlist, change my theme maybe. but i will be around !! never too far !!

sorry that this is coming sooner than any of us would have liked, myself included !! but i promise to come back with all my unhinged thoughts and lil nonsense as soon as i can 😌🌱🦋💐🍓

#i love you all dearly !! #✿ news

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

He lives alone?! {Haru Kato}

Pairings: Haru Kato x reader

A/n: I happened to rewatch Balance Unlimited and I found myself looking for Haru short drabbles and shit like that but there were not a lot so I took it upon myself to provide you with some new ones so this one is inspired by Kotaro lives alone. I know this sucks but it's 5:25 am rn and I should be asleep so yes but I am more than happy to write more balance unlimited based stuff so feel free to request

Warnings: well...it is kind sad tbh but not much

Saturday, the first day of the weekend. Haru had been enthralled because last week in the Modern Crimes Department had been exhausting. So when the doorbell rang, waking both of you up, to say that he was angry would be an underestimation.

“Stay there, I'll get it.” He sighed and left the bed. He didn't even know what time it was but it didn't matter, when it's weekend every hour during the morning can be considered early for waking someone up.

“Hello, dear neighbour, I am Kotaro and I live in the apartment next door.”

Haru took his time observing the little kid in front of him, reaching his hands out to him while holding a tissue box, he couldn't be older than 5. Finally, a smile broke in Haru's face and he kneeled in front of the little kid before accepting the box.

“Thank you little man.” He peeked outside, looking left and right. “Are your parents here?”

“I occupy the apartment next door by myself. I must away.” The little boy said and ran away. (if you've seen the anime you know how Kotaro speaks so cut me some slack)

Puzzled, Haru closed the door behind him and returned to your bed, still holding the tissue box.

“You heard that too right?” He asked you, setting the box aside.

“A little boy renting the next door apartment alone? Is that even legal?”

“I am pretty sure it's not.” Haru said concerned.

“Come on, we'll deal with this later, let's go to bed.”

You were just as concerned as he was, Haru knew this. He also knew that you wanted to sleep it off purely because you would end up overthinking about it and so he agreed. He got comfortable with you almost on top of him and closed his eyes but he couldn't fall back asleep. The same went for you. So it is needless to say you both stayed like that not knowing that the other was awake.

“I'll look into it.” Haru mumbled to himself. You were both in the bathroom brushing your teeth.

“I'll help.” He nodded in response.

You both thought of calling Daisuke to help as well but the truth was that Haru was too tired to deal with him.

And so the investigation began.

After meeting up with the rest of the residents of the apartments in the flat you figured that the concern about Kotaro was mutual. Obviously you couldn't ask Kotaro anything because at the end of the day he was just a five year old kid so you all mutually agreed to take care of him.

But to Haru that wasn't enough. He wanted to know more about this child's past, what led him to live alone.

“Our neighbour said he is taking care of him, stop stressing so much.” You hugged him from behind. “Also the rice is ready.”

If you hadn't hugged him, Haru would have most probably forgotten about the fact that he was cooking at that time. His gaze followed your figure and he watched as you were putting the rice into two bowls.

“You're worried too.”

“I am but he is safe here with us. Everyone cares about him too. Our next door neighbour whose name I always forget...”

“Same.” Haru admitted.

“He accompanies Kotaro to and from kindergarten and the supermarket and practically everywhere. Plus the boy is always active and although he is shy, he asks for help when he needs it.” Both of you sat down and started eating with the TV on, working as a background music.

Whether Haru had found anything about the child's past, you didn't know but during the next few days he appeared to have calmed himself down. You didn't know if it was because of what you had said or because he had found something but no matter the case you were happy since him being calm meant that you could also finally relax.

About a week later, everything seemed to have become clearer. You and Haru would both go to work in the mornings and in the afternoons you would pick up Kotaro from kindergarten and occasionally dine with him. Everyone in the building was taking turns taking care of him.

“I can get used to this.” You heard Haru mumbling next to you. Your head was on his chest and his hands were lazily wrapped around you as you watched TV. “It's a bit...relaxing.”

“Yeah, I will agree.” You snuggled closer. You were more than sure Haru had found something but you didn't ask. Since everything was okay now and Kotaro was safe, you didn't want to know since at the end of the day all that mattered was the kid's safety and happiness.

“I do think however, that you would be a great mom.”

“And you would be a great dad but we're not having any children right now.”

“Couldn't agree more.”

#haru kato x reader #haru kato #haru kato the millionaire detective x reader #haru kato the millionaire detective #the millionaire detective x reader #the millionare detective balance: unlimited #the millionaire detective #writing #anime and manga #anime #manga #the millionaire detective balance: unlimited #the millionaire detective balance unlimited x reader #balance unlimited x reader #balance unlimited #haru kato balance unlimited x reader #haru kato balance unlimited

[9w1ft]

Hi, this isn't really a Kaylor ask but as someone who has been following your blog for a long time, I was wondering if you could give me any advice about work-life balance?

Not just work and life, but also a wide variety of things — health, fitness, hobbies, social life, personality improvement, etc.

It feels like whenever I try to focus on one aspect of my life, I end up neglecting the others and so I'm always returning to square and moving very slowly ahead. But I'm also not good at multitasking or routines. Am I the only adult who's not able to get their life together even though it shouldn't be that hard? :(

hey! oh wow last night i was having dinner with a preschool mom friend of mine and we were talking about how hard this is!

i definitely don’t have a complete answer for you because i’m an entire work in progress 😭 and also everyone is gonna be a little different based on personality and life situation, but, here are some things that have worked for me. maybe something resonates for you!

i think one reason why i adopted the tea habit for me—aside from wanting to clean out my cabinets— was because i wanted to have a small victory for myself each morning. with habit building, some people will drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, or do a quick breathing exercise while still in bed… sometimes people do mantras or self affirmations. in essence, it’s something that you can set yourself up to complete with very minimal effort, and that will help you start off your day with a small sense of accomplishment. i’m a simple person… when i feel productive at the start of my day, im more likely to have a productive rest of the day 😆 and i can trick myself to feel productive simply by pressing a button on a tea kettle first thing every morning!!

alright, so, as for balance.. i think it’s important to recognize that work-life balance is less about achieving a perfect balance but more about getting better at knowing when you should prioritize something and then tipping the balance board in that direction with intention, maybe loosening your grip on other things that command your attention, or even streamlining them temporarily to make leaning into the one thing easier.

i’ll give an example i read about somewhere. i think for a lot of people, the holidays can be a stressful time. especially if you’re running a household or doing some amount of activities for other people, prepping and shopping and planning and getting ready for events or parties or gift giving can put a huge weight on resources and you might find yourself neglecting daily household tasks like dishwashing or laundry or self care. even if you arent the head of a home, it’s a stressful time of year and the stress can put a damper on your mood! one strategy i read about that i partially tried this holiday season was to temporarily change parts of your house and life into holiday mode: pack away all but one set of dishes and silverware, pack away or push aside your wardrobe and pick out five outfits that you’ll wear for the next few months, and streamline your daily beauty process (some examples are, cutting your hair short or getting a perm or treatment, putting all your skincare and makeup away and just using an all-in-one cleanser/moisturizer and like, one palette of makeup etc etc). basically the person was saying, it’s good to be mindful of the season that you are in and transform your space into battle mode when you need to. by taking away many of the options and streamlining the decision making process, it helps you focus more on getting through whatever it is you need to get through with. what i did was the dishes thing. i packed away everything but a single set of dishes for the family and went through december and january like that. the benefit is that it lowers the hurdle of dishwashing giving it a cap of about 15 minutes, whereas the stresses of the holidays often lead to reaching for another dish and another and another, just because you have them, in lieu of tending to the sink, and before you know it you have an hours long task. i’ve actually kept a lot of dishes stored away still because of how much easier this is 😆

in terms of work, i’m not sure your age or occupation but in case you’re in a 9-to-5 type situation i think it’s important to remember that most people are simply not paying attention to you. everyone is first and foremost focused on themselves. it’s a simple thing but i think it’s hard to remember. especially if you are a hard worker that naturally wants to do the best job that you can. it’s okay not to get it perfect. in fact, the most successful people, i think, are great at giving 80 or 70% consistently and quickly, in contrast to someone who gives 110% but sometimes burns out or often takes forever to make a decision.

there’s a japanese phrase called “saba yomi” which literally means “read the mackerel” and nowadays it is used to describe the act of estimating numbers in one’s favor (for example saying you are 25 when you’re actually 28). but it originally comes from the work of commercial fishers that pull in huge nets of mackerel, and how they report their numbers. in the olden days, refrigeration technology was not where it is today, and when there are hundreds or thousand of fish in a haul, you simply couldn’t take the time to count every fish in the net, take out the similar looking fish, etc, to get an accurate count, because the longer you take, the worse the taste of the fish would get. in other words, oftentimes, accuracy sacrifices quality.

when you can put down the armor and realize that not many people are paying attention to you granularly, i think it’s easier to let go of a need to get every detail of work perfect. and ironically in some ways, this can make you better at your job.

i think a common thread to everything i wrote is the idea of checking in with yourself and talking with yourself about what situation you’re in and how you’re going to approach it. this week work is gonna be busy so i’m just gonna wear these clothes and just do this hairstyle and power through, and this way i won’t have to have a huge pile of laundry and a messy bathroom to get through at the end of it. or, today im feeling like i’ve got a cold coming on so im just going to give 80% effort today and give myself a quiet moment later on in the day to relax. or, im not going to get everything right for awhile but ill do something simple each morning that i know i can do, and congratulate myself for it right away.

i hope there was something in here that helps… at any rate, be kind to yourself!! every day is a miracle in its own way.

[aelaer]

I'm probably clogging your inbox with this but, ✨💘🎈 for the ask game? :))

Never clogging! I wouldn't do the ask game stuff if I didn't enjoy replying to it :)

✨ What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I've bemoaned in the past about how IronStrange fics get significantly more views/kudos compared to gen fics with the same characters, and that's the same story for my fics. The two fics marked "IronStrange" are at the top of my kudos/hits list (with the two crossovers rounding up the top 4), and I used to be a little bitter about that. I accept it better these days, though I do think folks who enjoy IronStrange should also toss more bones to writers who use the Stephen Strange & Tony Stark tag alone, and should rec gen fics in those collections, even if it's a separate category.

But because of this trend, it means that the work I'm most proud of, my Earth-197320 series, gets a lot less traffic than my IronStrange pieces. At this point, though, I am happy that there are still some out there who read gen fic. It'd be super awesome if it was more of a 50/50 split with Stephen fans, but that I have anything resembling an audience does make me luckier than some newer writers because the MCU is not as popular as it was in 2019, when I published a significant amount of my work and got my name out there. (I myself haven't read fanfic since February, so I need to get back into it. Part of why I haven't is that trying to find new gen fic starring Stephen is so difficult and discouraging).

💘 Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Yes, but not in the MCU! I have a large collection of ollllld one-shots that I did as a teenager surrounding book!Aragorn from LOTR. They're still up on older archives, but rewriting them would be fun. I did a couple that are up on AO3, but my LOTR muse simply hasn't returned. And there are fics I'd like to get done for the MCU first.

🎈 Describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? Does it change?

This is a pretty difficult question if you really think about it. I ended up going down a rabbit hole and read this fascinating article about creative writing and style and tried to see where I fit into it.

I know I don't follow all the rules of concise writing, especially with use of adverbs, because I think "said wryly" is a justified use of an adverb if it can be read as straight-forward *or* wry. I'm not sure what an editor would do with my work if I presented it to them, but considering that Ready Player One and 50 Shades of Grey's terrible prose was published without issue, I'm not too fussed about my use of adverbs.

I really enjoy deep dives into the character's psyche, but I always write from a limited POV of usually one or two characters, so we get a limited view of the psyche in general, at least in one chapter. I'm not terribly fond of the omnipotent POV and only wrote it in a comedy, which used it quite well.

I will say it can change depending on the needs of the story, at least a bit. For instance, I usually have a limited third person POV, but I have written in first person and I've written third person omnipotent. I have some description to help set a scene, but scenery is not my forte and it's something I actively have to put my brain power towards to get it done. My most descriptive piece by far was the one from Sherlock's POV due to his very observant mind, and that was a pretty challenging piece.

The narrative of telling the story is a huge part of my writing, but I like to see character growth throughout it, if possible. It depends on the length of the piece.

I think that's enough rambling on this subject, hah.

#darkkitty1208 #ask #answered #my writing #long post

[blackink-onpaper]

The Descend and the Resurface

Damian Hart (Beyblade) x OC

Summary: oc comes from a complex background, and in the midst of trying to save it all and help her family she enters a strange arrangement, which will change her life forever.

Masterlist 🖤

Tags: Beyblade, Beyblade Metal Masters, Julian Konzern, Jack, Damian, OC, Gingka Hagane, team Starbreaker, team Excalibur, dr. Ziggurat, Hades Inc., the Garcias

A/N: (ambience suggestion) this chapter will go along with the canon storyline, for this chapter watch Beyblade Metal Masters episode 96 if you like, it’s available on youtube! Other than that, this chapter and the previous were the ones I felt the most inspired creating, because I really wanted to provide more depth into this divide.

Hope you enjoy! :D

Chapter 20

After our return from the realm of desolation, I cleaned myself up while Damian changed into some more comfortable clothes. I checked my smart watch and saw the itinerary for tomorrow was, well, blank. This was confusing me because I knew the awards ceremony was tomorrow around noon, and Ziggurat also mentioned some demonstrations. Then again, maybe I was just overthinking it and I simply wasn’t invited to either activity and had the day to myself. I crawled back into bed, craving some affection from Damian and cuddling up to him. Even though he got the hang of sex quite fast, I could tell physical closeness was absent in his upbringing because of the way he handled cuddling.

“Please come visit me” I kissed his cheek: “I would love to show you my world, and I’m sure Ziggurat wouldn’t object”

He caressed my hair, giving me a gentle smile: “I would be happy to” I don’t know how to explain this, nor do I have any specific observations and examples, but since getting to know Damian more and speaking to dr. Carlisle it seemed that in rare moments of the day Damian’s softer, calmer side came out. I also think sex helps him relieve the bottled up stress and rigidity he is so used to, especially as I surrender to him to feed his need of superiority and dominance. Nonetheless, after seeing his reaction to my confession I have come to the realisation that Ziggurat probably did not give him any affection, even in the form of a fond nickname because he just calls him by his name, and probably never told him that he loved him.

“Damian… I told you I loved you, and I mean it.” I looked into his eyes, propping myself up onto my elbow: “I want us to be together.”

He remained silent for a long time, my assumption is because he did not know how to handle someone being loving to him: “And your parents?”

“Honestly, if you’re not broke they’ll like you.” I sighed, there was probably no point in sugar-coating it anyway.

“If the Konzern’s were good enough, then I believe we’ll get along just fine” he scoffed jokingly, putting an mysterious emphasis on the last two words. I didn’t know how much Damian was worth or how much he brought in, but I am pretty convinced Ziggurat was rich enough for my parents to seize any objections. My mind took off into fantasies about us walking along the cozy streets of my hometown, then going to the French Riviera, maybe renting a boat, dinners… I wanted all of it. I wanted him to see the colours the world has to show, and not just artificial lights and laboratories in the middle of a wasteland that neighbours another vast concrete jungle. With these fantasies and the smell of his skin, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up because Damian got out of bed around 5AM, probably for his Arrangement session. I stole a few fleeting kisses from him as he was putting on his uniform: “You guys are going to the ceremony?”

“Yeah” he put on his choker and gloves: “But I need to do a round of arrangement first.” We left together, him to the Arrangement quarters and I to my room to get ready. Hours rolled by, I was mostly resting before I got ready and headed to the cafeteria to have breakfast. Unsurprisingly, the students were giving me glances and whispering among each other, again.

Once I had finished my meal, I decided I would go up to the helicopter and wait for Starbreaker to finish their Arrangements so I could say bye to Damian before they left. When I reached my desired floor, I sat down on the sofa in the waiting room that overlooked the heliport, the same one where Carlisle and I had a conversation yesterday. It was nearing 11AM, and I knew the boys should be done soon. My heart started racing as I saw the numbers on the elevator moving towards the one I was on, and I stood in front of the elevator to surprise them. After all, it is a shitty feeling going to someone else’s victory celebration after such a hard battle. The elevator announced its arrival with a silent ‘bing’ sound, and the door slid open:

My heart dropped: “Julian?!”

“Camila?!?”

“What are you doing here?!?” I gasped, out of anyone I could possibly imagine being at Hades Inc. Julian was the absolutely last person on the list. Hell, if Gingka was here I would be less surprised.

“I should be asking you the same question” he stepped out of the elevator, surrounded with a hateful energy I have never seen him with, his fists clenched: “So it’s all true.”

For the first time in my entire life, I stepped back from Julian out of fear: “What is true? Julian why are you here?”

“Do you know what they call you, Camila? What people are saying about you?”

There was a silence, I didn’t say anything. I feared the unrecognisable emotions he was clearly consumed in, in addition to probably still being burdened by the loss he suffered in front of the global audience.

“No” I whispered. I didn’t want to make him any angrier by not answering him, knowing it was a pet peeve of his.

“ ‘The whore of Starbreaker’, Camila. They call you a golddiger. You’re an absolute disgrace to yourself, your family and everyone that extends to you!”

“Julian, che cazzo?!” I gasped again, this time for lack of air: “We broke up months before this tournament so you can focus on Excalibur - how am I a disgrace for moving on when you ignored me and didn’t want me back? Huh? How am I to blame when you know my parents need the money?”

“Money. It’s always about money.” Julian said, disgusted: “Of course you would join these hyenas if they paid you.”

“Okay then, what are you doing here?”

He paused this time around, battling the boiling embarrassement within himself: “The Konzern enterprise shares have been bought off by Hades Inc.”

My pulse stopped, remembering how huge and important their generational family businesses were; remembering his darling parents, our countless memories - this was his whole life, this was his pride, his plan for the future: “Julian…”

He barely uttered in a low voice, full of bitterness: “My name is now worthless, but I chose to keep our honor by joining dr. Ziggurat.”

Somewhere in the middle of his sentence, two elevators opened up to our left, with Starbreaker in one, and a totally different team that seemed somewhat familiar in the other.

“Good for you” an all-familiar snide comment echoed as Damian stepped out of the elevator: “ ‘Cause you might also snag an Arrangement and finally put up a fight.”

Julian lowered his head out of anger and humiliation, while the girl from the other team - who I now recognised as the Garcias - whistled: “Now that was a low blow!”

“Don’t disrespect me!” Julian growled at the Garcias, as Damian came closer to us, positioning himself closer to me.

“What’s wrong, Julian?” Damian mocked him: “You look upset… again.”

Julian looked at him with boiling, bitter anger that could probably burn a hole in the wall if he pointed his gaze into it, but remained silent. As he now works for dr. Ziggurat, I assume he is powerless agaist Starbreaker members, let alone Damian.

“Besides” Damian grinned at Julian sadistically: “I told you I’d ‘take all of it away from you: your pride, confidence’...”

Julian looked revolted, pale, ill and traumatised, but that didn’t stop Damian from serving the final stab into his heart - wrapping his hand around my waist, adding: “ …‘everything sweet’ ”, quoting himself from his match with Julian.

After a short silent pause - which wasn’t even honoured by complete silence because the girl and younger boy from the Garcias were making mocking ‘oooh’ and ‘burn’ nosises after what Damian said - Ziggurat arrived with two pilots:

“Time to go, everybody” he passed through the Garcia members and halted his stride to the helicopter to address Damian, Julian and myself: “We have a party to crash, we cannot possibly be late.”

Julian walked away towards the helicopter without even looking at me once, followed by Jack and the tallest Garcia boy. Damian grinned at me: “Don’t worry about him. His head feels empty without its crown.”

I looked at him, unsure if I should even be addressing the layers of things that had just happened or just wish him a safe flight and talk about this with him later: “yeah…”

He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss, thematically soundtracked again with noises provided by younger members of the Garcia family. When he pulled away, he grinned at me again - a victor’s smile: “Wish me luck, heads are gonna roll today… hopefully.”

“Good luck, Damian.” I said, before adding a bit more quietly: “I love you.”

“You too” he smirked at me, pulling away and walking into the helicopter which was apparently only waiting for him, his pristine white cape carried by the wind. The doors closed quickly, and the aircraft took off within the next minute.

There was a lot left for me to digest: for starters, Julian’s absolute disgust and hatred towards me was a particularly heartbreaking thing to see, regardless of the nature of our relationship. We are, or used to be, best friends as well as long term boyfriend and girlfriend. He was the only person in this world I knew as well as I knew myself. Then, the horrible thing that happened to him and his family; I don’t know if the shares value had dropped because of some external reasons so Hades bought up the majority, or if they just had an agenda of their own to take Julian and his family down so they bought them regardless? But why would they do that? They already had all the data from him and defeated him?

“But what if they wanted him?” I uttered to myself, waiting for the elevator. What if they wanted a left-rotating Bey in their arsenal, since Ryuga apparently despises them? For a guy like Ziggurat that’s a good enough reason to wreck someone’s entire family and heirloom. In the same line of thought, Damian said last night something about having more money than Julian, could he have possibly been aware of all of this, or even plotted it with Ziggurat, without telling me? It was hard to say if what he said he meant generally or specifically after this event, because both Ziggurat and Hades Inc. have a high revenue, therefore Starbreaker can’t be doing too bad themselves.

Related to Damian, I was having very polar feelings about how he treated Julian. On one hand, it’s Damian and his ever-present condescending, cocky personality, but on the other hand it was a conversation I deeply regretted being a part of even as a subject of conversation, let alone witnessing. What he did was as humiliating to Julian as if Julian knelt down and Damian pissed all over him, but then again Julian attacked me without a reason and called me a disgrace. My mind was racing, I thought about the ‘everything sweet’ quote Damian said: what if there was an agenda I was not aware of when he said it in the match itself? Had this been the plan all along? It’s actually not impossible, because they had to print, sign and deliver that Hades Inc. letter to my room at least an hour before the matches ended in order for it to get to the hotel in time, but in Beyblade you can never be sure how long the match is going to last. Furthermore, Carlisle himself had said he and Ziggurat had different reasons for me being invited to Hades… Or maybe Damian said it for a different reason and quoted himself just to torture Julian? My head began to hurt from the storm of flashbacks, ideas and theories running though my mind. I had to calm down, there was no way this overthinking will be helpful to me before they return.

I sat down in the common room, and turned on the huge flat screen TV that lifted itself from the floor to watch the WBBA ceremony. A comforting thought crept in: Damian had told me he loved me for the first time today. And after their obligations for the tournament end today, we could plan the rest of our time together. I was open to staying here with him, but I would also like my fantasies of him coming to Europe realised. My train of thought was broken by the theme song and opening sequence of the ceremony.

#beyblade #beyblade fanfiction #damian hart #damian hart x reader #oc #anime #beyblade jack #julian konzern #team excalibur #beyblade gingka #mfb oc #beyblade metal fury #beyblademetalmasters #beyblade zeo #beyblade damian #beyblade metal fusion #zeo abyss #team garcias #beyblade smut #gingka hagane #masamune kadoya #gan gan galaxy #my fic writing #my fic #fanfiction #smut fic #smut #mfb #team starbreaker #hades inc

[bomberqueen17]

ok computer

so i didn’t get to look at my computer for three or four days in there, really, so apologies if i missed anything

but i had a couple of people ask me things about the greater MDS timeline and the specifics of a couple of the chapters, and also someone sent me a timeline they’d put together, and I have a timeline I’ve put together I’d love to make into a thing I can post somewhere and I just don’t know what format to make it be. So. I will do something, I think it’d be helpful for me and for everybody, but I just am not sure how. I currently have stuff in a google doc but i don’t want to just share that. I think I just want to make a graphic. so I should think about that I guess.

It is Friday and I would like to post another update but actually nothing is ready. I have accidentally bled off a ton of time onto a side project that is nearly but not quite done, and needs a bunch more work to make into a thing I can share. And then I have a ton of stuff written for other bits of timeline, but nothing is quite scraped into coherence. To say I’ve been a bit scattered is to uhhh severely understate the matter.

but I have this weekend off, ostensibly, so we’ll see what progress I can make. (Ostensibly. I may have to come in to this office job; someone appointed herself to my department while I was gone and seems to have broken some of my equipment, and i feel like the only way to resolve that is to come and talk to her during the times she works, which are on the weekend.)

anyway i will have something to post soon, i’m not beating myself up or anything, i just have things i’m eager to share and i’m disappointed they’re not ready to share. how dare they not have beaten themselves into shape while i was busy elsewhere!!

here’s a snippet I guess. let’s see.

yeah, not sure where this is going but I wanted to go back and tell some of Morvran and Ciri’s early meetings, when he was in charge of the escort bringing her from White Orchard to Nilfgaard.

Captain Tiron Hesner leaned his shoulder against Morvran’s to murmur in his ear. “That princess is something.” They were between their horses, Morvran checking the girths, so there was little chance anyone would see or hear, but Morvran still looked nervously around. 

“Had you any doubt?” he murmured in return. 

“That northern fashion for trousers is almost enough to turn my head,” Tiron went on, and Morvran elbowed him. Tiron wasn’t shy about his proclivities, and Morvran almost regretted turning him down because everyone who didn’t seemed to have so much fun-- but there wasn’t much point, he didn’t seem to have the inclination himself, and he rather thought that was a prerequisite. “What!” Tiron yelped quietly. “Don’t tell me that leaves you cold too?”

“I wouldn’t say cold,” Morvran said mildly. While it was objectively true that the Crown Princess was a woman with a shapely figure, long and lean and muscular, he had never been much moved by shapely figures of any variety; what he found captivating in her was that she was a very good rider, though not particularly well-tutored. She was simply a very naturally-gifted athlete, and had been very well trained in general at controlling her balance and using her momentum. He had little doubt she was a superlative swordswoman and was likely talented at any physical activity she wanted to put her mind to. 

Whether her trousers were filled out to a certain shape or not was of little interest to him beyond the basic considerations of what type of saddle he ought to ensure she had for her use. She was riding one of his horses. He’d known better than to expect her to choose his mannerly palfrey: Cirilla had chosen Rheydin, Morvran’s actual war horse. He was a larger horse than she needed for her slight weight, but he was willing and spirited and she seemed to be finding him satisfactory. Selfishly, Morvran was glad she didn’t seem to be teaching him any terrible habits, except that she’d utterly broken him of his tendency to find the most unexceptional path and had taken to getting him to jump over every obstacle that was feasible. Didn’t do him much harm to be bolder, Morvran thought, now that he was the horse Morvran had left to use in actual battles.

#of course morvran has a gay bestie #fic snippet #snippet post #my writing #meet death sitting #morvran voorhis #indirect mention of animal harm

[janeykath318]

Sexiest Man Alive: a Shieldshock drabble.

“I told you, no further comments. He’s said all he’s going to say on the subject. If you don’t get off our property in five minutes, I WILL inform the Black Widow AND The Winter Soldier. They don’t like it when their friends are harrassed.”

Holding up her phone to show she meant business, Darcy stared down the reporters at her door. True to form, the name-dropping worked and she watched them scurry away like nervous ants.

Locking the door behind her, she returned to her husband, recently named The Sexist Man Alive, much to his annoyance and embarrassment. Steve had made his dutiful appearance at a brief press conference, then retreated to their house to hide out for a while.

“Are they gone?” he sighed, looking up from the the book he was as trying to distract himself with.

“Yep. I invoked both Natasha AND Bucky, so they’ll behave,” Darcy announced, curling up beside Steve. “The Enquirer dude is still scared of Bucky from the last episode. He looked ready to wet himself.”

Steve chuckled and put his book down to pull her closer.

“You’re the best, Darcy, but I’ll deal with it the next time. You’re my wife, not a guard dog.”

“It was stressing you out and I enjoy playing guard dog,” Darcy reassured him. “Even superheroes need protecting sometimes, too.”

“I’m retired,” Steve reminded her, wrinkling his perfect nose at the mention of the word superhero. He was not a fan.

“All the more reason, then,” she answered cheerily. “Also, I want you all to myself, Mr. Sexiest Man Alive. Took them long enough to acknowledge your rightful status.”

Steve’s ears turned pink and he shook his head at her. Darcy grabbed the magazine off the coffee table and flipped to the photo shoot.

“I’m getting that one framed and hung in our room,” she pointed out gleefully, ogling the page where Steve was wearing a white tee shirt and staring moodily into space, showing off his very fine arms.

Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled at her knowingly.

“Whatever makes you happy, Darce,” he said, giving her a come-hither look from under his eyelashes.

Darcy responded quite willingly and they were in the middle of a very enthusiastic make out session when the doorbell rang again repeatedly.

Reluctantly crawling off of Steve’s lap, Darcy went grumbling to the door ready to fight. But what she saw on the step made her do a double take, then double over in laughter.

“Darcy?” She could only gesture Steve toward her, being unable to form coherent sentences.

Standing on their front porch was a life size cardboard cutout of Steve in his stealth suit with a SEXIEST MAN ALIVE banner draped over his shoulder.

“Congratulations! Alexa, play Sexy Back.” was scrawled on the cardboard in writing that she recognized as Bucky’s. Various added commentary on Steve’s “attributes” was written on the jaw, shoulder, legs, and posterior. Sam and Natasha had clearly joined in the playful roasting of their friend. Darcy slid to the floor as mirth overtook her, but Steve yanked his flat doppelgänger inside and stuffed it on the hall closet before turning to her with his hands on his hips and a red face, torn between laughter and mortification.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” He asked suspiciously.

“Sadly, no,” she denied regretfully, giggling again. “They left me out, the meanies.”

“I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?” He sighed ruefully, hoisting Darcy to her feet and rubbing his forehead sheepishly.

“Nope!” Darcy confirmed. “Face it, Steve: you’re just too sexy for this world.”

“I’m still not sure I agree, but Your opinion on that topic is the only one that matters to me, sweetheart,” he declared seriously. “I will get Bucky back for that, though.”

Darcy chuckled. “And I’ll help you. Now, can we get back to more fun activities?”

She cocked her head with a flirty smile.

“Happily,” Steve agreed, his grin turning into a smolder.

Later, as she was tugged into the bedroom, a devious thought struck her.

“Alexa, play Sexy Back!” she called out.

Alexa promptly obliged and Steve’s eyes narrowed.

“You traitor,” he grumbled, scooping her up bodily.

“I mean, if the shoe fits….” she said with a shrug, pulse accelerating at his “I’m about to devour you” face. Darcy was in trouble: sexy, sexy trouble.

#fanfic #shieldshock #steve rogers #darcy lewis

[vegtable-bucket]

This is a very long and self indulgent vent post. Feel free to disregard and tw for sucidial ideation. I am currently seeking help but I needed to vent.

So 2023 I think is the official worst year of my life. I thought as the years went on life would like.... get easier??? But no lmao it somehow gets progressively harder and I feel like I am completely drowning and suffering at every turn. I will essentially plan a little treat for myself and that treat will then turn into like a comical death trap of some sort. I feel like whoever is controlling my sim is trying to torture me.

I'm just going to list the terrible things that I've had to deal with since I have what 5 months left of this year to claw my way through?

My cat was diagnosed with cancer. That cancer spread so rapidly in the span of one week, I got her diagnosis on her last day on earth.

Prior to this, she was puking 3 times a day and so I was cleaning up puke and sobbing over her for a month striaght

Vet bills

The doctor who did the biopsy of my cats cancer didn't relay how severe her cancer was causing me to have to spend 5 hours in the the ER. I was separated from my cat during those 5 hours. My phone was on 1%. Ready player one was my only entertainment. Many dogs got checked before my blood puking cancer ridden cat. The person at the front desk said "we only treat several emergencies first." Meaning vomiting blood isn't urget............. wild.

Obviously I had to put my cat down. She was 7 years old. I miss Pirate everyday. I used to call her an angel from outerspace, now she's really sailing around up there.

I had to do this without my husband present because he was at.... his grandma's funeral in England. I couldn't go because I was taking care of our dying cat. I find this to be an especially twisted fate since he left right before I had a psychotic break due to all the stress

I got covid. And I got it like a month ago in the middle of the summer. This ate away at my travel time making it so I couldn't see one of my friends in portland.

I got exposed to covid over the weekend and if I get sick again my job will take my remaining 3 days off. This is my last year in America and if those days are taken from me I won't be able to see my family for the holidays

I dont get to leave this hell country this year after excitedly telling everyone I was out of here. Embaressing.

Every single trip I have planned this year has been a complete disaster

I either didn't get to see the friend I planned to see, or my time with that friend was limited to reasons outside of either of our control leaving me to feel completely isolated, lonely and like nobody's priority or important friend (even though that's irrational)

I've had an issue with almost every single flight I've taken this year. Will it be delayed or canceled making me have to take the flight that makes it so arrive home at 4am? The answer is always yes!

My job had revealed itself to be a toxic work enviornement before but it continues to worsen.

My job makes me want to kill myself, like actively. I've had the worst suicidal ideation of life since I was 13 and having to visit my abusive and neglectful father

Somehow, at 27, all of my trauma seems to be bubbling up in the worst possible way and nobody in my support system is close to me right now/alive.

Guess what? In an ironic twist of fate applying to jobs also makes me want to kill myself and I find to be a dramatic waste of time.

My husband and I set up trips around this time of year which made it so when his grandmother died, he will have seen me once in the span of 4 weeks. Meaning the only person who I can mourn the loss of my cat with is gone. I will be coming home to an empty house when I return tomorrow and my depression is not making it easy to take care of myself

Living in America has never seemed more dystopian. My rights are simply withering away while inflation stacks up. It's been an expensive year by itself but the recession isn't helping

I feel completely lost on what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be financially stable (as I am lucky enough to be now) but I'm unsure of my future in england. I don't know if I really should pursue my masters because I feel my entire body aching to do something I enjoy and I have no idea if I'll ever be able to work in a field that improves people's lives and doesn't make me want to kill myself

I will never be mentally emotionally or financially stable enough to have kids. Having them seems terrifying to me. I cry for my younger self imagining her life and how unfair the world was to her, and wondering why I was born if not to suffer

I can barely focus on anything in my life anymore. I feel like my attention span has stopped working and I can only do a task for 15 minutes before feeling exhausted

Crippling weed dependency

I can't remember the last time I felt geniunely happy. If I spend anytime not listening to something or distracting myself my brain is essentially torturing and harassing me and telling me the many ways in which I should kill myself

I cannot afford a grippy sock vacation to make me not kill myself. I feel like I'd want to be there for a whole month and that's probably like 800k and would mean losong my job lmao

Having to wait for life to improve slowly on its own is agonizing to me as I really just want to leave America as quickly as I can to get away from it all. And then I remember all the things and people and places I will miss and I get this unearthly ache of sadness.

I'm also not blind and know terf island (england) is also doing remarkably terrible and I will be moving to a very xenophobic country far away from the familiar.

Everything that happens on the news now makes me fully believe I'm living in a dark comedy about a species that is run by a group of people so greedy that they are racing to extinction

*gestures widely at the state of everything*

I visited my dad's side of the family without nick (husband) present and not only did they bully and antagonize me the entire time, but they also said the most off the wall insanely racist shit I've ever heard in my life. So vile i was physcially ill after interacting with them. But I have to keep up appearances for my future wedding.

I want to cut them out of my life so fucking bad it's unreal. My mom is begging and pleading with me to not do it but being around such vile people makes me physically ill.

This things I used to love now feel distant and boring to me now. I feel like it's so hard to laugh at anything anymore

The real kicker for this is I always pack period items just in case, and I didn't for once and now I am dealing with painful cramps at 3am away from ibprofin and like all of civilization

Okay that's it. I hope none of you read this it's incredibly self indulgent and pitying. I feel as though I've never been allowed to be sad and it's all bubbling up this year and suffocating me. And then people keep telling me to not kill myself which makes me feel guilty for wanting to end it all in the first place. I've always hated asking for help, I hate people feeling sorry for me, I hate struggling. I've never even attempted because im too chickenshit.

Can't wait to share this post in therapy. Which I won't be able to afford for awhile.

I miss feeling joy.

#tw sui ideation #tw sui vent

[revenantemeritus]

A Gentleman’s Word (1/?)

A/N: I originally posted this story on Wattpad back when the first Kingsman film came out. This is the new rewrite of the original story. This is my first ever fic on Tumblr, so if the post comes out weird or if there's any errors. I will be actively updating this story, at least one a week since I am in the process of rewriting the original. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Pairing: Harry Hart x Kingsman!OC

Warnings: Mentions of death, unrequited love, pining, mild language.

Summary: Evelyn Wicker and Harry Hart have been inseparable since their time at the Academy. After being initiated into Kingsman the two worked side by side to ensure success. The only kick is Evelyn's deep-seeded love for her counterpart which at some point begins to interfere with her work. After their near death (and the death of Eggsy's father) the two both have a common goal; to right the wrongs. The recent death of James, better known as Lancelot, allows Harry to finally make good on the vow he took all those years ago. Evelyn is torn once she receives the news that Harry has been put into a coma after the incident with Professor Arnold, and she has to make a choice. But is it the right one?

Word Count: 1216

I'm sitting in my usual seat in the corner across from Harry's desk with my nose buried in a newspaper. Mornings like these were not usual, in fact most of our free mornings were spent this way. Harry Hart and I have been an inseparable duo since the moment we met as teenagers. We graduated secondary school together, we went through Kingsman initiation together, and we were inducted into the organization together. Galahad and Guinivere fighting side by side through even the most impossible of situations. Of course, due to the nature of our employment, we aren't always together. Both of us are sent on our own individual mission, promising one another that we will return to tell the tale.

From the outside looking in it would appear that we maintained the perfect friendship, existing amongst each other in harmony. Perhaps even for Harry that's how our relationship may seem, but the same cannot be said for myself. Truth be told, I have been harboring feelings for my partner since we were teenagers. I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about telling him; so many years have passed, one would think I would have by now. It's been 27 years of keeping this secret to myself, and to be honest it's driving me crazy. I can keep things professional, that's no problem; but it's on mornings like these, when it's just the two of us, that my mind begins to wander. It's like a scene out of one of the corny romance films, always peering up at him from my newspaper while he's distracted. Except there are no stolen glances or unspoken mutualism, just one woman pining for a man far out of her reach.

I lower my newspaper and begin folding it, keeping my eyes focused on the task at hand. "Finished already?" Harry quips, looking up from the newspaper in front of him. I look up and give him a slight smile, "I am. Nothing terribly interesting today it would seem." I soon drop my gaze back down as I stand and walk over to the bin, tossing the newspaper in it. Behind me I can hear his newspaper rustling, and the soft tap of his glasses being set down on his desk. I turn around and face him, surprised to see that he has also gotten out of his seat. "You are certainly right about that," he walks over to where I'm at and tosses his newspaper in the bin.

Giving a short nod to him, I twist the doorknob and step out of the room, not taking another glance back at him.  I make my way to the kitchen where a kettle is waiting, water already boiled and ready to be poured. I take a glance at the front door, debating whether or not I should head home or stay for just a bit longer. Behind me, Harry is leaning against the door frame, watching me struggle through my indecisiveness. "Leaving so soon?" he says, raising an eyebrow at me as I turn and look at him with a halfhearted smile. "Maybe. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should actually buy groceries today, knowing they'll most likely go to waste." A soft chuckle erupts from his lips, the corner of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly. "That is true; you spend more time here or at headquarters than you do your own home." I turn and face him with a slight eye roll, "you're right. Maybe I should buy groceries for yours instead of mine, since I'm here so often and all." His smirk breaks into a full closed smile, the corners of his eyes creasing just slightly. "That wouldn't be a terrible idea; it's definitely not one of your worst." I place my hand over my heart and feign being offended, "now that's just hurtful." This time he lets out a genuine laugh, the sound of it warming my heart.

"Come now we both know you have had some wild plans in the past," he quips, still leaning against the wooden doorframe. I raise a brow slightly at him, "even so, how many of those 'crazy ideas' of mine have pulled us through some rather impossible situations." With that he holds his hands up in defeat, "you've got me there." Soon after the words cross his lips the room falls silent, the air growing stale between us. I take another glance at the door, trying to think of a valid excuse to leave. After another moment of ponder, I turn my head to him and open my mouth to speak, but the sound of our glasses going off stop them in my throat. I blink in surprise and reach into my cardigan pocket, pulling out my glasses. As I look back up, I find that Harry has retreated back into his office to retrieve his glasses. With a soft sigh I unfold my glasses and place them on my face, "Merlin." The line is silent for a moment, making my heart plummet into my stomach. "Merlin? What is it?" I wait a moment longer before a hear a saddened sigh from his line, "come to the conference room; we've lost Lancelot." My face fell in that exact moment, my eyes looking up to meet Harrys saddened expression.

"We're on our way," is all I say before pulling my glasses off, setting them on the kitchen table. Harry walks out of his office and returns to the kitchen, his eyes meeting mine as he approaches. "Do we know what Lancelot was doing?" I say, my voice coming out a lot quieter than I intended. "No, but I'm certain Merlin will fill us in when we get there." I nod and frown, finding it impossible to move from the spot I'm planted in. As I step away to retrieve my suit from his office, all I hear behind me is one simple word from Harry.

"Shit."

As I pull out my suit from the case I keep it in, my mind begins to wander back to the day that Lancelot became Lancelot. A day that I know Harry carries of the weight of to this day, despite it begin 17 years ago. It was his mistake that ended up killing one of the recruits, one that we all thought was prime Kingsman material. If it hadn't been for Unwins bravery everyone else in that room would have died alongside him. Merlin, Harry, Lancelot, and I owe our lives to the man who sacrificed his to save ours. I glance over my shoulder as I slide my suit jacket on, seeing Harry running a hand over his face. After sliding my final pieces into place, I exit the office and walk up behind him. I reach out and place a hand softly on his shoulder in support, hoping to ease his nerves as best I can. With a reassuring squeeze some of the tension in his shoulders loosens and he turns, facing me fully. My heart aches in my chest at the sight of his pained expression, the guilt of his past mistake clear in his eyes.

Without a second thought and envelop him in a hug, his arms immediately snaking around my frame.

"We'll make this right Harry, together."

Together.

#harry hart x oc #kingsman #kingsman the secret service #harry hart #eggsy unwin #merlin #lancelot #galahad #guinevere #kingsman fic #fanfiction #harry hart fanfiction

[strangerthingfanfic]

I thought I would write a HellCheer fix for the fun of it. Please let me know what you all think

LOSS AND LOVE

Chrissy Cunningham was getting ready for the first day back to school after a week-long spring break.

Her phone rang and when she answered it was Jason's parents.

She listened in disbelief as they told the worst news of her life.

Jason had been killed when his car flipped on his way back to Hawkins from his trip to New York.

After thanking them for calling Chrissy hung up the phone and collapsed face-first into her pillow.

The next month was a blur. Chrissy was on auto mode at the wake, the funeral, and then the school memorial.

It wasn't until people started talking about graduation that she snapped back into reality. She had to graduate, for Jason and herself.

She got back in gear and made up the work she missed. The staff was very understanding and allowed her extra time.

As she was sorting through college applications she noticed that most of them asked for two extra-curricular activities and she only had one, cheerleading.

Chrissy got in contact with the school counselor to see what she could do with the short time she had.

He called her in and said that he would sign off on a whole year's worth of tutoring if she agreed to tutor and make sure one of Hawkins longest lasting students, Eddie Munson, graduates.

She quickly agreed and the next day at school she found Eddie sitting with his Hellfire buddies.

Squaring her shoulders she walked right up to Eddie and said, “put the game down Munson, I'm going to be your tutor and until you've got the grades to graduate, no more Dungeons and Dragons”.

Eddie looked at her and was about to laugh until he saw the death glare she was eyeing him with.

Taking a deep breath Eddie said with a laugh “told you 86’ was my year guys” and got up and followed Chrissy out of the noisy cafeteria.

“So what subject has been holding you back for three years Eddie?” Chrissy asked, trying to figure out what subject he needed help in.

“None. I just have a hard time concentrating and wanting to come really” Eddie said as he twirled the pencil he was holding.

Chrissy sighed and then got an idea telling Eddie to stay right where he was.

When she returned she had a stack of papers in hand.

“Ok Eddie, both of us want out of Hawkins so if you follow the plan we will both walk the stage in June.

I talked to the principal and explained the situation and he said if you did all the work required for your classes you don't actually have to attend them” Chrissy exclaimed triumphally.

It was the first time since Jason's death that she felt as though there was a future awaiting her somewhere.

Over the course of April and May Chrissy kept her grade point average high while making sure Eddie turned in his assignments on time.

She even started to attend the Hellfire club meetings and found she enjoyed it. She even became an active part of the club creating a character and everything which sparked anither idea.

She started turning tutoring sessions into DnD stories and just that little change really helped keep Eddie's attention on what mattered.

June finally rolled around and so did graduation day.

“Please stand up for our valedictorian, Chrissy Cunnigham,” the principal said, turning the mic to her.

“Graduating class of 1986, I stand here today not only for myself but for those who should be here and aren't. People like my forever love Jason Carver. But also for those of us still here. Those who fought and overcame the naysayers and are ready to walk this stage tonight. I am pleased to hand the second diploma to Eddie Munson who has overcome many of his own hardships in life and even though it took a bit longer than planned, he finally walks the stage today. Eddie please come and get your diploma” Chrissy said all smiles.

Eddie came out with the cheering of his uncle, friends and many members of the hellfire club.

He had his robe open and his hellfire shirt underneath but Chrissy expected no less.

Eddie accepted his diploma and held it up high and yelled “I finally conquered the hardest dungeon of them all, high school” and headed off stage with Chrissy.

Eddie celebrated with the hellfire club and his Uncle Wayne while Chrissy presented Jason's honorary diploma to his family.

As the day faded to night Chrissy and Eddie met up at a small lunch table.

“I'm so proud of you Eddie, you did it,” Chrissy said giving him her brightest smile.

“I couldn't have done it without you, M’lady,” Eddie said, flashing one of the most genuine smiles Chrissy had seen him show.

After sitting in silence for a while Eddie finally said: “I can't replace Jason, he holds a special place in you're heart no living person should ever try to take, but if you're ready to maybe add someone to you're heart I would like you to be my princess”.

Chrissy looked towards the school where a rainbow was shining over it in the dark of night. It was Jason’s favorite color and she was sure it was him urging her to continue living.

“I would be honored to be the dungeon master's princess,” Chrissy said.

Instead of leaving as both planned Eddie and Chrissy decided to stay in Hawkins and continue the legacy of Eddie the Dungeon Master.

She knew she made the right decision when two years later, after her and Eddie both had graduated with their AA Degrees, Dustin came up to her and said, “you are amazing and I've never seen Eddie so happy. You'll make amazing parents” and after kissing baby Jason on the forehead he ran to catch up with the others.

Eddie came over and kissed her forehead. “Ready to head back to Munson Manor Lady Munson?” Eddie asked, smiling. “I sure am Sir Munson” Chrissy said and they headed to the trailer with a very special rainbow forming behind them.

#stranger things #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson #chrissy stranger things #chrissy cunningham #hellcheer #finished #Chrissy/Eddie #chrissy x eddie

[concerthopperblog]

Shades of Sorrow Over North America Tour: Crypta Live @ Bogg’s Social & Supply!

Last year during the US Tour of Terror at The Masquerade in Atlanta, Morbid Angel brought a band named Crypta out on tour with them. After seeing the carnage and mayhem that is Crypta, when they announced their first-ever United States headlining tour, I knew that I had to be there. Crypta is a death metal band from Sao Paulo, Brazil that formed during the Summer of 2019. The band features Fernanda Lira (bass/vocals), Jéssica di Falchi (guitar), Tainá Bergamaschi (guitar), and Luana Dametto (drums). Crypta has released two (2) LPs and seven (7) singles. The latest album, Shades of Sorrow was released August 4th, 2023, on Napalm Records. It is also worth noting that Luana and Fernanda previously played together in the Brazilian thrash/death metal band Nervosa.

Leading up to Morbid Angel’s US Tour of Terror last year, I listened to Crypta’s debut album, Echoes of the Soul, steadily on repeat getting ready for that show. Crypta quickly became a band that I put in my musical rotation daily. I knew that this band was going to make some magic in the future, and I was excited to listen to their growth. So, when Crypta announced the Shades of Sorrow Over North America Tour 2024, I added a reminder to make sure I would not miss their Atlanta date. Crypta’s Shades of Sorrow Over North America Tour 2024 kicked off in beautiful San Juan, Puerto Rico on January 27th, and will continue until the tour finale in Seattle, Washington on March 2nd, 2024. Almost halfway through their tour, Crypta stopped by Bogg’s Social and Supply in Atlanta, Ga. to perform with local Atlanta area bands Murder Van and Malefic.

Murder Van is a death/thrash metal band from Atlanta, Ga. that formed in 2018. Murder Van includes DeathRay (bass), Drew Verstraete (drums), and Skraw Tharp (guitar/vocals). They have independently released one (1) LP, one (1) EP, and two (2) singles. Murder Van was a good choice to kick off the festivities, as they played some of their hardest and most brutal songs for the early crowd. And in return, the crowd showed their utmost appreciation for this insane set from Murder Van. Even Brent Hinds (Mastodon guitarist) showed up this evening to support his Atlanta buds. That is what Atlanta does, always coming out and supporting the homies! This was my first time checking them out and I hope to see them again soon.

You can follow this link to Murder Van’s Official Bandcamp page and check them out today!  

Malefic is a black/death metal band from Marietta, Ga. that has been active from 2003 to 2010, 2013-present. Malefic currently consists of Sam Williams (guitars), Jason Da Vila (guitars), Andy McGraw (bass), and Aaron Baumoel (drums). This quartet was crammed on stage but made the best of it with another ferocious set for those who came out early to the show. It is not often that you see a drummer take the lead singing duties, but Aaron is a phenomenal dual performer. Crashing hard on the drums and delivering some vicious vocals while Sam, Jason, and Andy shred on their axes. Just like Murder Van, I must admit that I have not seen Malefic before this evening, and I am ashamed of myself for missing out on some wild metal in the past. Support your local bands wherever you may live. There are a lot of great and unknown artists out there that need to be heard.

You can listen to Malefic at their Official Bandcamp page today!

Now after the opening bands helped destroy some ear drums with their ferocious sets, it was time for Crypta to take the stage. Getting the opportunity to see Crypta perform in such an intimate setting at Bogg’s Social was electrifying, especially with the energy that the band exhibits during their dynamic live shows. Crypta is a band that I will make every opportunity to see when they come near my area, and if you ever get a chance to see them then you will know exactly what I mean. Between Jessica and Taina’s lethal assault on guitar, Luana’s ability to blast some ferocious beats on the drums, or Fernanda’s wicked vocals that often remind me of the late great Chuck Schuldiner from the legendary death metal band Death.

Check out Crypta’s blistering set list from this evening’s tour stop at Bogg’s Social:

·         “The Other Side of Anger”

·         “Kali”

·         “Poisonous Apathy”

·         “Lift the Blindfold”

·         “The Outsider”

·         “Lullaby for the Forsaken”

·         “Stronghold”

·         “Limbo”

·         “Trail of Traitors”

·         “Under the Black Wings”

·         “Dark Clouds”

·         “Dark Night of the Soul”

·         “Agents of Chaos”

·         “Lord of Ruins”

·         “From the Ashes”

·         “The Closure”

 Head over to Crypta’s Official Bandcamp page today and show them some support. Or you can visit Crypta’s Official Online Merchandise Store for some band t-shirts, CDs, and more. You can also read my previous review featuring Crypta: United States of Terror 2023: Morbid Angel’s 40th Anniversary exclusively on Concerthopper.com.

You can still have time to catch Crypta on their first-ever United States headlining tour during the following dates:

02/14/24: Fayetteville, AR @ Majestic Lounge

02/15/24: Houston, TX @ Rise Rooftop

02/16/24: Dallas, TX @ Trees

02/17/24: Austin, TX @ Come and Take It Live

02/19/24: El Paso, TX @ RockHouse Bar & Grill

02/20/24: Albuquerque, NM @ Launchpad

02/21/24: Phoenix/Mesa, AZ @ The Underground

02/23/24: San Diego, CA @ Brick By Brick

02/24/24: Los Angeles, CA @ Whisky a Go Go

02/25/24: Las Vegas, NV @ Backstage Bar & Billiards

02/27/24: Sacramento, CA @ The Starlet Room

03/01/24: Portland, OR @ Dante's

03/02/24: Seattle, WA @ El Corazon

 Curious about Concerthopper? You can find more music-related articles, interviews, various photo galleries, indie music reviews, our ‘Bars & Bites’ section, our exclusive “She Said, She Said” column, or become a Concerthopper at www.concerthopper.com. Sign up for our monthly newsletter by following this link: The Setlist! Please ‘Like’ our page on Facebook and follow us on Instagram to stay up to date in 2023, on all music-related events/festivals such as SESSANTA: Primus, Puscifer, & A Perfect Circle: Live at Ameris Bank Amphitheatre (Atlanta), Life Is But A Dream… North American Tour: Avenge Sevenfold Live at KeyBank Center (Buffalo), Shoot For The Moon Tour: Sierra Ferrell Live at The Eastern, Blue Oyster Cult Live at The Eastern (Atlanta), Seasons World Tour 2024: Thirty Seconds to Mars & AFI Live at MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Mr. Bungle: Live at The Tabernacle, The Deathless Tour: Set It Off w/ Crown the Empire, Caskets, and Death By Choice Live at Water Street Music Hall (Rochester), Leftover Salmon, The Infamous Stringdusters, & The Kitchen Dwellers: Live at The Eastern (Atlanta),  RUCKUS! Tour 2024: Movements Live at Water Street Music Hall, We Legalized It 2024: Cypress Hill Live at Tabernacle, King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: Live at The Fox Theatre (Atlanta), and King Dunn Tour: Live at The Masquerade by following us on all social media formats: Concerthopper on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  You can also follow my concert hopping on Facebook and Instagram.

#2024 #crypta #atlanta #georgia #thrash metal #metal #metal tours #concerthopper #concert photography #concert #photography #review #concert review

[growingup101blog]

January Overview

Hello, sooo January whizzed by in a flash. One moment, I was on a New Year’s Day call with my cousins, sharp at 12 am, and the next, I am sitting at the tiny desk in my room, on the 27th of January, recollecting the first month of 2024. Time baffles me sometimes. And space too. On the 2nd of January, I was on my way to surprise my relatives in Lucknow, with handmade besan ke laddoo. I think it was around this time, or perhaps a day or two before, when I started re-reading the Percy Jackson and Olympus Books. That was truly a joyous experience. To relive the bits and pieces of childhood I had forgotten somewhere in the school library’s centre table’s left corner seat. The thrill and excitement to finish a book series, embodying the 13-year-old Sarah, I finished the series within a week, that too while traveling and spending time with relatives and cousins (more like hiding from them during reading time lol). A great way to start the New Year, isn’t it?

Soon after that, around the 8th of January, I returned to my correspondence address, from where I was supposed to leave for my university the next day. Change of plans. Changes in mood. Loved it. Gave myself the deserved "me-time," which I don’t usually get in my hostel or Uni. Played games, video-called long-distance online bestie, baked fun stuff, and saved some for friends and for binge-eating in the hostel. Came to the College on the 14th of January and hung out with friends and acquaintances. Spent the next day productively rewinding and planning for the weeks ahead. The class schedules and course details, along with some preparation for classes the next day. I really liked how during this time, the distractions that had been stuck in my mind for the past few months were completely "unalive". And till this date are "unalive". Saw them on the 14th and felt euphoric that I felt nothing upon coming across that interaction. Then the hustle and bustle of college life began.

Waking up before anyone else, showering, and getting ready before 8. Light breakfast and then spend whatever time was left after reading. Then off to college with my friends. Arriving earlier than the sloths and being introduced to the new professors. Attending classes with full attention, practicing active retention, and trying not to "unalive" some creatures. Trying to save money and doing better than before but still in desperate need of some improvement. Spending mornings in classes and then afternoons in the Dome building cafeteria, catching up on the missed work and studying ahead. Evenings are more relaxed than the hectic but occupied days which I like. Keeps my head in the game. And nights spent peacefully, almost.

I am glad that I am becoming a more consistent person, in terms of completing my study targets, homework assigned, and praying at the right time, regularly. Persistence and consistency are the key, I am aware. And trying to incorporate that into my routine to achieve a disciplined lifestyle. I have also put up healthy boundaries which were most definitely necessary. And as you can guess, I am much more at peace now. This month does feel like I took the right steps towards my goals and ambitions. Not all, but the majority of them. I am really happy and, well, not satisfied but not completely dissatisfied, Thank God. I just need to not break my streak and continue to work with the fire in my eyes and trust in my heart, that if God wills, I will surely achieve more than just my goals.

That’s all for the January review

See ya next month

Sarah

#blog #sarah sohaib #growingup101blog #study blog #university #2024 #january #january 2024