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obsessed-yan · 3 months

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a little vent ׂׂׂׂૢ་༘࿐

my "friend" (using quotes cuz honestly idk if i rlly consider him a friend anymore cuz of this coupled w past stuff thats happened) is being a total pos whiney asshole

what happened was, last week i noticed my debit card had transactions on it that i knew for a fact i didnt make. i contacted some1 from my bank to dispute the charges to get my money back; guy walked me thru it n i cancelled my card. few days later i seen a small amount refunded but knew it wasnt the full amount. friend n i had plans to go to target friday n maybe get smthn to eat, well bc of the stuff w my card i decided i just wanted to go into the bank n talk w someone irl so since i was off work early i asked if we cld go there first n hopefully get everything settled (he said ofc n i did for the most part, the charges started all the way back in april of 2023 which is wild to me that i didnt notice it until last week- i got part of my money back right away so thats good). after that we went to eat then to target (i wanted to go cuz of the cute honeypot i kept seeing on my tiktok fyp also got one ver of jungkooks album n a bts book anyway) i got very frustrated while we were at target so after i paid for my stuff there i was ready to go home.

then the next day at work one of my co-workers asked me how my date went n i said i didnt go on a date..? when i got home i msgd him n asked why said co-worker asked me that; it doesnt help that also that day 2 separate customers asked me abt my ex or made a comment abt how i shldntve broken up w my ex, its been almost 6 months get over it. why do u ppl care so much its none of ur business n also i got yelled at n cussed out by 2 other seperate customers but the date thing happened first n was the main thing that ruined my mood.

he said he thought it was one n asked her for advice. i said it wasnt it was just basically running errands n that i thought ive made it perfectly clear im not n nvr will be interested in him in that way, ever. boundaries were re-established as well that night.

then the next day (sunday) right once i get clocked into work one of my managers pulls me into our accting office to talk w me abt friend bc he called off for his shift n was crying. she knows he likes me n is basically obsessed w me but that i dont like him back n she knows weve been friends n hav talked together for a while now at this point but she asked for all the details that day. i told her as much as i cld b4 i was needed up front. she basically said that he was upset that i was upset abt what happened the night b4 n that he was jealous of one of my other friends n is worried for my safety bc of said other friend. my manager said shes worried abt me to but bc of him n said i shldnt talk to him for a while.

i confronted him abt that (not abt the jealousy of other friend part cuz i honestly forgot abt that bit until just now) he claimed that all he did was call off cuz his stomach hurt n he didnt know why our manager talked to me. he showed me some ss between him n the co-worker that asked me abt friday n i said i wasnt mad abt her knowing i was mad cuz she called it a date cuz u told her it was one when it wasnt n that i was also mad from our manager talking to me abt him. i told him not to talk to our manager abt what i told him and what did he do, he asks her abt smthn i said. like are u fucking an idiot wtf!?

then he said his plan was to leave me alone "until things die down" THERES NOTHINF THAT NEEDS TO DIE DOWN FUCKING MAN UP N HAV AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION W ME FOR ONCE WHERE U DONT TRY TO LIE OR PUT BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE FOR SHIT U OBVIOUSLY DID and stop talking to other ppl abt me its weird!!!

im sick n tired of whenever smthn happens w him i get asked abt it like what happened w him, idfk n frankly idc

i am so fucking done w him n his bs. he can try to make me feel bad or get pity from me all he wants but im seriously just so over all this bullshit. im not talking to him anymore fuck u. last time he stopped talking to ME cuz of how much i liked 🍫 n i wld talk w him abt it cuz i didnt hav any1 else to, plus we were friends i thought it was ok. but he said i was "unsafe" for him to talk to. i told my manager abt that.

its just like, when were talking before like the first time, he did basically the same shit when my friends wld point out bad things hed say or do n he wld deflect then default to being a crybaby abt it. like ur in ur l8 20's at best, learn how to take responsibility for ur actions man!! like are u joking w me rn

think ill hav to cut it short for rn, im getting tired n cant think str8 lmao

#౨ৎ yan vents ౨ৎ

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in-her-wildest-dreams · 4 years

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finally got an update from uni about placement and basically although the process will be VERY different than it should be and at times a little harder, it’s looking like as long as my next placement site stays open then i will get the hours i need to be accredited and graduate... it was reassuring but it also means from today i will be doing absolutely nothing with my life until mid May.... literally nothing... lol

#like 2 months of nothinf #love that for me

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thintothebones234 · 5 years

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Life isnt worth living

Life just isnt worth living anymore. I am so sick of the fake smiles the fake laugh. The I'm okay card then breaking down when alone. I'm just a Porcelain doll ready to be smashed into a million peices . No one can help me anymore no matter how hard they try.i am simply sorry for everything for worrying everyone all the time .people just. Need to live there lives and forget about me.im nothinf but a beached whale . I try to go to my appointments to take my meds but. They only numb the pain for so long . I miss my old friend meth he.made me. Feel okay like I could talk to anyone I spend my days hacking up my arms and legs just to feel a little bit okay. If I scream will anyone hear me or will they fade away. I have had 2 sucide attempts in the past month been in and out of the er on sucide watch. Being put on diffrent meds being in the pychward. Pretty soon no will want to help someone so broken. I desvered the rape. And abuse that I got in 9th grade. I cant even help my own boyfriend. I'm a big fuck.up to my family . I am stupid not good enough for collage . I I honstely was hoping this attempted would have worked but no .it didnt .now I'll pretend everything is okay I'll snap out of it pretend I dont have. Anxiety soical anxiety PTSD panic attacks aspergers ADHD sucide ideation bpd bipolar disorder depression .I'll scream at the world. Look at the broken kid . Who never found his way. No matter how long i try to stay postive it doesnt work .what is the point anymore. I have mr razor blade and that is good for me ! I am sorry for everything. Had to put this out somewhere everyone will just give up on me.

#loser #freak #fat #ugly

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theblackdolliasworld-blog · 5 years

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Nothing in my life is going right.😢

I don't where else to go or do when it comes to letting off somethings that have been weighing on my mind for awhile now. As cliche as it might sound to some of y'all I suffer from depression and lately within the past 2 years after my horrid break up it has become so much worse, because not only did I lose someone I loved for 11 years that didn't love me back in return, I lost my father that up an left 6 years ago prior to my break up, my mom and sister where forced to move far away from me, I lost people I thought were my dear friends due to the break up because my ex felt the need to trash talk me and make me out to be the villan, I lost my job of 3 in a half year of a lay off and haven't been able to find another job since.

I went back to school to better myself and get my shit together and get out of this depression state. Finally finished school and externship hours only to be hired on as a temp and let go for only working there for 5 months and now I'm back to square one, jobless, no source of income coming in to keep a roof over my head and food to eat.

I try and look on the brighter side of things and tell myself this current situation won't be permanent as I slowly try my damn hardest to get me out of this hell I seems to be stuck in and always be thrown back into no matter what I do and no matter how hard I try to do better for my life I get knocked back down over and over and has been that way what seems to be like my whole life. This is when I start to lose myself and sink further and further into darkness and I begin to give up and feel as if I'm a piece of shit that can't seem to get my life together and I'm about to turn 33 next month and I feel like a big fat failure that is cursed with failures and I will never amount to anything. All that hard work I put myself through snd what have I accomplished?......not a damn thing?! Maybe it's just me....maybe nothinf good in my life is supposed to stick.

I'm a very kind and generous person I always take care and worry about others then I do myself. I'm not happy unless the people I love and care about are. I want so badly to have my shit together, I do every thing right and what I'm supposed to do and yet I get nothing out of it. All my hard work, my sacrifice, my mental and physical well being. Yet I see people like my ex living a good life and is doing well and the kind of person I am is happy for him even after the shit he put me through I'm still happy for the asshole.

I can't help but tell myself "I want to be doing well and be okay too?" How come someone that done wrong to other's get to live a better life than me and not feel any ounce of guilt? Am I asking the wrong questions? "Idk?" Am I doing something about it? "OBVIOUSLY YES"!! Like I said before I am doing everything and anything and nothing good is sticking!! I can't help but think I'm cursed, like I can't be happy in this life, only in the next, if that is so then why the hell am I even alive?! These kinds of thoughts I have daily scare the living shit out of me! I joined a gym (thanks to my friend for hooking my broke ass up) thinking it would help get me out of my depression state and I still find myself not being able to get out of bed let alone leave the house.

Here I am still looking for a job and no luck (not surprised😒) putting myself in more stress thinking about my student loan payment due that is coming up, hooray! More things I have to pay! This is why I'm depressed and no longer want to live. I know others have it worse, but right now how my life situation is going.....I think it's safe to say I'm on that list of I have it worse.

I honestly don't know what to do or where to go and who to talk to? I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread that is going to break any time. What more can I do?! I really do feel like giving up, because obviously everything I'm doing is not working. I find myself crying more, even the littlest thing as spilling a little water on the floor makes me cry. Like "WHY IS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME?!" Type shit. You know it's bad when so much bad shit happens in your life and little thing will trigger you.

Having hope seems to be a lost cause for me. All I want is to be at peace and live comfortably and not have to worry about what's going to happen to me and where am I going to end end up?

Signed

Lost soul looking for a purpose.

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