#like EXTREMELY long post

[orbmanson7]

Will Logan Ever Be Happy?

An Extensive Analysis of Logan Sanders' Spotify Playlist and Predictions for the Future of His Character Arc

Logan's Playlist on Spotify

Logan's Playlist on YouTube Music

A few quick notes before we delve in…

This is an extensive analysis in the sense that it's currently around 16,930 words long. Please feel free to read it at your own leisure.

The description of Logan's Playlist on Spotify explicitly states to listen to these songs in order of their listing. This indicates a progression of sorts – of feelings, events, and the plot of the story being told here. It is important that we listen in order, and it seems like Logan would prefer us to listen this way to best understand what it is he is trying to convey.

The repeated themes found throughout many of these songs include: isolation, depression, regret, nostalgia, perfectionism, miscommunication, being the odd one out of a group, recognition of flaws, loss of control, being disliked, a love and familiarity for learning, and finding solutions to problems.

It should also be noted that a handful of these songs are told in second-person perspective, using “you” to indicate a main subject, as though the story is being told by the speaker about someone else’s actions to that someone else, rather than explaining anything outright about themself or how they feel about it. By doing this, the speaker is instead choosing to focus on others and only allowing the listener to sense and interpret how the speaker was affected by what the other party in the song had said or done. This by itself can easily indicate Logan’s insistence to let others take that stage, even when it’s his turn to tell his story, or to show off the faults of others in lieu of focusing on his own failings.

It may be important to remember that as we continue.

The Elements by Tom Lehrer is a simple starter song, as we know. Logan began as a friendly teacher character, someone to help guide Thomas through learning and encouraging curiosity and wonder within him. He helped Thomas to find solutions to problems with the most useful answers, and implored him to keep trying, keep researching, until he truly understood a topic. This was something good, something commendable.

In particular, this song involves a listing of the complete periodic table of elements, something that Logan, as Thomas’ Logic, likely would have to have known very well, considering the focus of Thomas’ major in college. This would have been information Logan used frequently in Thomas’ studies and schoolwork prior to the events of the series, which helps to signify this early interpretation of Logan’s character.

This is the early beginnings. It’s a solid starting point, telling us what we need to know about Thomas’ perception of who he believes Logan is meant to be.

Immediately after, we have White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic, which, similar to the first song, is meant to give us a sense of Logan’s character. Thomas sees him as a helpful teacher, but he also sees him as a very nerdy, reserved, uptight, and pretentious kind of person who likes learning trivia and reading mystery novels and watching sci-fi shows and doing puzzles and making wordplay jokes. This fleshes Logan out more as a character, not just showing us who Thomas sees but giving us more perspective on what to expect from him.

[lyrics:

I wanna roll with the gangsters

But so far, they all think I’m too white and nerdy]

Early on in the series, the sides only appeared momentarily to help offer suggestions and advice to Thomas relevant to what he needed. There seemed to be less cohesion with the group, mainly due to a lack of narrative at the time, but the sides still appeared to work together so long as each stayed in their respective areas of expertise. Despite that, lyrics in this song seem to imply Logan had already seen himself as an outlier to the rest of Thomas’ sides. He recognized that this came at fault of the interpretation of his character, the personality he displayed, his mannerisms, even his interests.

From the very start, Logan was being viewed as something different and distinct in comparison to the other sides.

These first two songs are meant to be reminiscent of not only our first impressions of Logan’s character, but also of Thomas’ overall impression of him early on in the series.

Within the first few episodes, this is how Logan was interpreted and seen, as a nerdy but supportive teacher-like character. Based on Thomas’ vine character of the same attire, Logan was originally meant to be respected but relatable, someone who could understand the kids he was teaching, but was also full of incredibly useful knowledge and knew exactly how to convey that information in a way that would encourage and enlighten those around him.

As one of Thomas’ sides, however, he was minimized to only being Thomas’ Logic, someone who still had an incredible wealth of knowledge and used it to teach and guide Thomas specifically, but he was also someone who was meant to be more stereotypically “nerdy” by Thomas’ standards. He was still able to act as an instructor to Thomas and to the audience watching, but his status of authority was diminished, because now he was no longer a teacher, he was merely another part of Thomas.

This is where Algorhthym by Childish Gambino comes into play. This song indicates a recognition of the world and how it functions, but also a fear to do anything about it, to step out of line. This lends to Logan’s perfectionism, yes, but it also shows that Logan is highly aware of his position as Thomas’ Logic, and what is expected of him. He knows very well that he does not perfectly fit the mold that Thomas has made for him to fill.

Early in the song, there are mentions of misunderstanding directions and testing the waters in objectionable ways.

[lyrics:

Made us the guinea pig and did it with no permission

Told her to call a friend, didn’t tell her to listen

So very scary, so binary, zero or one

Like code is like coal mine canary]

Being put in a position without a choice in the matter, Logan is very aware that he has a big role to fulfill. He’s being depended on to do his job right. But there has, at no point, been any guidance for him to follow. It’s not as though there’s a training manual out there on how to be Thomas Sanders’ Logic, which means Logan can only attempt to figure it out as he goes along.

Now, this is no different from the other sides, as they all lack any kind of instruction on how to do their jobs, either. They all just have to make mistakes and learn from them to improve and get better with time. And, typically, this should be a good thing, but in Logan’s particular case, his job requires him to be relied upon as the one with the answers and solutions, so if he’s seen as someone who makes mistakes, that ruins his ability to be trusted to give those answers in the first place.

Making mistakes would contradict his purpose as Thomas’ Logic, but if he didn’t make mistakes, he couldn’t learn from them and get better like the rest of them. However, it’s inevitable that he will make mistakes because he has no idea how to do this job because he didn’t have any training involved before he started. But if he makes mistakes, he could lose that job, or the job itself could become misconstrued or defunct due to his failures. It’s an unpleasant and repeated cycle with no clear end.

Logan aims for perfection, knowing the risk of failure is so high and comes with such consequence, but he still has hope that something might work out. He also doesn’t seem to have much of a choice otherwise.

But he's already beginning to loop back around in circles over this, even so early on into the series, and this leads him to questioning why the world works this way. Just why does it contradict itself so much?

[lyrics:

I dream in color, not black and white]

He already realizes that he is seeing everything in a different way than Thomas and the other sides do. The world is so much bigger than the arbitrary parameters that are being set for it. Understanding and learning may need rigid guidelines to teach a beginner, to not overwhelm them, but once you know the basics, you can take those training wheels off and start exploring just about anywhere. If you want to try more adventurous feats, you’ll need better gear, more specified knowledge, but it’s not as though you are barred from entry. There is always more to learn, you simply have to go looking for it.

But the world somehow seems to think that’s not the case. Many believe that you either know something or you don’t, or that things can only be either one way or another, with no nuance involved. Instead of understanding all the shades of gray and color in between every moment, every idea, that there’s fluidity and the ability to shift and change at almost every turn, they choose to rely on what they’ve already learned and refuse to challenge it, even when the opportunity arises to do so. The world has so much more to offer than the black-and-white to which people often cling.

There’s so much space in between every atom, infinite amounts of empty air, that which we can barely comprehend, yet we see an object, a person, or any full form as completely solid, contradicting what we expect. We may say a penguin cannot fly, and yet you could put one as a passenger on an airplane and that could be considered flying. It has just done what was thought impossible. It is all about our perspective and the rules we set in place for our world that limits what we believe we know and understand, but that doesn’t mean that’s how the world actually works.

Unfortunately, changing someone’s mind can be very difficult, especially when you’re the one who contributed to them learning those basics to help them conceptualize the topic in the first place. It can be very hard to teach someone that knowledge is genuinely limitless, especially when they have found less use for it as time goes on and no longer have a desire to keep learning.

The song then indicates that the way a human behaves doesn’t always make logical sense, but that they value their life and experiences.

[lyrics:

Humans don’t understand, humans will sell a lie

Humans gotta survive, we know we gon’ die

Nothing can live forever, you know we gon’ try

Life, is it really worth it? The algorhythm is perfect, mmh]

Logan can comprehend this notion, even if he doesn’t quite understand and see the world in the same way as Thomas does; even if he believes some of his actions are illogical, he knows Thomas’ ability to live his life to the fullest is something memorable. He can recognize its importance overall, even if he doesn’t fully agree with how it’s done.

Logan likely comes to realize by this point, even so early on, that compromise is the best option here, just as we saw in the episode The Mind vs The Heart. Even if he doesn’t see things in the same way as others, he can still meet someone halfway, and hope that they can meet him halfway in return.

However, nothing is ever that easy, it seems. Just because he’s willing to step back and take another’s perspective into account does not mean others will do the same for him.

This more or less encapsulates the rest of the song from his perspective. He learns to stop challenging that which doesn’t want to be challenged, attempts to follow what is expected of him, even if what is expected of him is a perfection that he is unsure can even be achieved. He has to compromise some of these details and nuances so that the world can still run on its bizarre rules, for Thomas’ sake, and this results in him having to step away from his goals to make way for the others’ instead, or even to be pushed away when his insistence to the contrary isn’t appreciated, like we saw in the episode Moving On Pt 1: Exploring Nostalgia.

He learned fairly well that day that sometimes emotions took priority over intelligence, and even if Logan didn’t fully comprehend the purpose they served in solving that dilemma, he was attempting to find a proper answer that would be of benefit to Thomas regardless. But what he learned instead was that his efforts were unwanted simply because he was viewing the situation from a very different perspective than the others were.

As such, he began to learn not to question these parameters that the world operates upon. He needs to do what he can Within those parameters to ensure Thomas’ survival and simply hope that he’ll thrive with knowledge (and Logan) as his guide.

And that is exactly why the next song is Fitter Happier by Radiohead. The whole song is a monotonous text-to-speech vocalization of varying guidelines one may expect for someone to appear as and/or be human. As the list goes on, the more inhuman the stipulations become, betraying the real purpose behind the list, that this is someone attempting to appear perfectly human while misunderstanding what that means entirely.

Again, Logan was never given a guide on how to do his job, so he had to just make it up as he went along and attempt to do it perfectly without any help or reassurance. From Logan’s perspective, he knows his goal is to make sure Thomas survives to live his happy life, but his expertise in helping Thomas achieve this relies on knowledge and facts, not emotions or empathy. This results in Logan’s attempts coming off as unempathetic, cold, and strict, not to mention completely missing the point of living.

But because he is doing this solo, and because he has awareness of the consequences of failure, he is aiming for perfection and doing his best with what resources he does have – which happens to be his own intelligence and what he can learn through research. Unfortunately, when it comes to life and living, Logan’s limited only to the facts, and his primary focus is Thomas’ survival, nothing more.

[lyrics:

Not drinking too much

Regular exercise at the gym, three days a week

Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries

At ease

Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats

A patient, better driver]

This is why some of the lyrics list guidelines such as “regular exercise at the gym” or “eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats.” These are the types of recommendations you would hear from a doctor or nutritionist, examples of efforts that may result in longer life. If someone only cared about extending their life or living healthily, these would be excellent suggestions. But when they are devoid of any emotion, removed from relationships with family and friends, absent of aspirations and goals for someone to enjoy said life, the suggestions instead become robotic and inhuman. Yes, you can live longer by following these steps, but you may not enjoy the extra time you are given to do so if you only follow these suggestions and nothing more.

This is something that was discussed during the Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? episode, where Logan asserts that creating a balance of daily tasks to maintain his wellbeing will allow Thomas to live a long life. Roman argues that if Thomas spends all his time taking care of himself, it doesn’t give him enough time to pursue his dreams and he insists that he must instead take risks and give priority to his aspirations. In the end, Thomas found his motivation in a balance of both of these recommendations, that he should maintain his health while also taking the chance to achieve his goals.

While a human genuinely needs that balance, to have both sides of this argument included to find true motivation to keep going, these individual sides within Thomas are always likely to see their own mindset and opinion on the matter as the priority, as the “right” way to do things. This is exemplified by Patton’s addition during the end credits scene, where he offers his opinion on the topic about having the opportunity to add positivity to the world. His belief is only an addition to the discussion and wouldn’t detract from Logan and Roman’s suggestions, but it shows that each of Thomas’ sides have their own views on what the real answer is meant to be and that they do not agree on this notion, even if they do see eye-to-eye at times or are willing to work together for Thomas’ sake.

This song is likely meant to remind us of that episode specifically, and what Logan’s opinions on the matter were at that time, indicating his goal is for Thomas to maintain a balanced and healthy lifestyle so that he has the ability to survive and live a long life. It shows us that without the others, there is a lack of balance, but it also shows that Logan is striving for perfection, with special regard to Thomas’ needs, not necessarily his wants or desires. After all, that’s Roman’s department, right?

And this is a big factor in why the sides don’t often get along with each other. They each have their own idea of what is actually best for Thomas, and when it comes to Logan, he has an easier time arguing his points because he has all the data to back him up. This doesn’t keep the others from fighting against him, nor does it keep Thomas from taking the others’ side anyway on many occasions, but it’s still something he can rely on when everyone else is against him.

But even if he cares about Thomas’ survival most, is what he’s proposing truly the “right” way to go about it?

If he learned anything from Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?, the ending of this song may indicate he recognizes that Thomas may well live a long life with his suggestions, but would not necessarily be happy in that life, so perhaps perfection isn’t the right goal to have in mind.

Happiness, however, can be very subjective. For instance, happiness to Logan would likely involve the satisfaction of a job well done, or the opportunity to learn something new, so what would life for Thomas be if he couldn’t have that?

This is what leads us into the next song, Medicine by STRFKR, which continues the thoughts on perfectionism and the problems that arise from it. Perhaps due to the events associated with the last song, Logan has come to realize that the goal of being perfect is either truly unattainable or, as this song seems to suggest, prevents the desire to continue learning once reached. Logan, of course, would not want Thomas to have peaked when it comes to obtaining knowledge, as there will always be something you don’t know, there will always be something new to learn. If perfection removes a desire to know more, he wouldn’t be able to encourage Thomas to learn anything new, even something for his survival. As such, his goal of perfection is flawed.

However, this now completely conflicts with his earlier notions about his own aspirations of perfection, as he must be knowledgeable and helpful for Thomas, to provide him with what he needs without flaw, without failure. He must be perfect, but perfection is not possible. He must be perfect, but perfection begets disinterest and prevents further learning. So, perfection should not be his goal because it will be of overall detriment to Thomas.

His new goal needs to be something else, but he must still maintain something as close to perfection as possible, because Thomas’ perception of him cannot be altered. Thomas will still expect perfection of him, but he can never truly attain it because it’s both impossible and would ultimately remove his purpose to Thomas as Logic. Such a feat is even more difficult to achieve than perfection, so he’s very much stuck at this point and will need to figure out a new solution to this complicated problem.

[lyrics:

Sorry

So helpless

So help you

Any way you like]

When in doubt, Logan knows he can turn to one thing: Thomas’ preference on the matter. If Logan can’t decide on the best course of action, he will instead choose whatever it is that Thomas wants, as that is how he may obtain his happiness even when working with a less-than-perfect Logic.

After all, if perfection was not the true goal, then perhaps it was meant to be whatever Thomas wanted instead. Logan didn’t need to reach perfection, he just needed to reach Thomas’ expectations. The goalpost had moved, but it was still in sight, and now he’d just have to create a new strategy in order to find success, meaning it was time for some experimentation to his approach.

[lyrics:

(spoken behind music)

The following of them does not depend on believing in anything, in obeying anything, or on doing any specific rituals

Although rituals are included for certain purposes because it is a purely experimental approach to life]

Between the events of Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? and Learning New Things About Ourselves was a fun little promo episode known as Crofter's: The Musical, and while it may not seem all that relevant in the grand scheme of things, it’s important to remember the focus of the episode relied on Logan’s extraordinary adoration of Crofter's jam.

Given his love for the product, he was ecstatic at his opportunity to be recognized through that which he admired – by being featured on a specialized version of the product itself. It’s a high honor, it’s respectable, it’s cherished. This is a great moment for Logan, seeing a lot of his efforts come to fruition in an interesting and unique way.

However, it is soured by Roman’s bruised ego, as he prefers his spotlight and sees this one moment as Logan being viewed more favorably than him overall, and then it is further ruined by the mention of Logan’s wordplay and puns throughout the episode as him acting unusual, notably unserious. Logan becomes rather concerned during the end credits scene as the others point this out about him, and he realizes that he needs to maintain the status quo after all.

His experimentation in finding a balance, of what was acceptable and what was not, resulted in him understanding that he could not engage in sillier interests publicly so as not to alter the others’ perception of him and his purpose to Thomas or tarnish his reputation as a practical, reliable, knowledgeable side. He must continue to keep emotions removed from his position as Logic, even with perfection off the table as a motivating factor.

Now, before we move on to the next song, I want to re-establish whereabout in the timeline of the series we are by this point.

We had the early origins near the start with The Elements song and White and Nerdy, which likely took place somewhere within the first couple episodes that featured Logan. We dipped into Algorhythm, which likely took place around the time the actual plot and deeper characterization began appearing in the show, somewhere between The Mind vs The Heart and Moving On Pt 1 & 2. Then, Fitter Happier seems to strike some similar chords as the episode Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? from Logan’s perspective alone, meaning we’re fairly far into the series already. Medicine is somewhere around Crofters: The Musical, which means we are about to get to Learning New Things About Ourselves.

That was an episode that definitely served as a big turning point for Logan and how he readdressed his role as Thomas’ Logic and perceived how he was meant to fulfill his position.

This is also the point in the playlist where things seem to take a much darker and negative turn.

For now, we move on to the next song, which is The Watchtower by The Dø.

Now, @intrulogical has a great analysis of the meaning that may be associated with this song from Logan’s perspective, that Logan may overthink and prefer to hide away from others out of shame when he doesn’t perform adequately, that he recognizes his mistakes and has, on multiple occasions, offered to leave the discussion in order to benefit the others and Thomas. He has taken to suggesting his removal from the situation when he doesn’t seem to have the solution they need or when he has become emotional in times where he shouldn’t be, meaning that he has come to realize it may be a better option for him to leave, rather than stay and potentially make the situation worse.

We already know that he has come to understand perfection is not possible but must still maintain something akin to it, feeling shame when mistakes are inevitable. We know he experimented with his approach to no avail, where he learned he must remain emotionless and cold to be successful. The amount of stress from trying to meet expectations, maintain restrictions, and adapt himself for the others’ benefit is beginning to take its toll on him.

The Watchtower is a song that seems to suggest Logan’s methods are what make him a true outlier among the group, but the lyrics literally start out with “I’m breaking, I need another start” which would mean this is a reaction to his stressful situation, not an action Logan chose in advance.

But he is still prepared when reacting like this. He has weighed the options; he has taken past experiences into account. He has more knowledge now on how to be Thomas’ Logic in a way that fits Thomas’ expectations, and he is no longer blindly attempting to do his best without failure and is instead using what failures he’s already had to recontextualize his understanding and guide his next actions.

But he still needs to appear as flawless as he possibly can, for Thomas and the others, so that he still embodies his role as Logic, so that he can still be relied on and trusted to do his job. While he recognizes perfection is not possible, he will still get as close to it as he can.

While stress may be a factor, this may explain some of the true motivation behind his desire to hide away in these moments, or at least his belief that it would be easier to solve these dilemmas from farther away.

[lyrics:

From the watchtower

Where we can see things coming

Good or bad, at least we see things coming

From the watchtower

Where we can read the future

Whatever it says, at least we know what’s up]

Within these lyrics, we can see that this is a very divorced perspective to have, as though Logan prefers to solve issues from a distance, removed from the situation itself and able only to view it, not directly interact with the parties involved.

Using his influence on Thomas to solve the issue without being present in Moving On Pt 2 after he abruptly left in Moving On Pt 1, Logan has shown that he can be successful when he isn’t there to be talked over and insulted, be overwhelmed by everyone’s emotions and concerns, or have his own uncontrolled emotional outbursts. He can stay unbiased, practical, and clear-headed from a distance and achieve the best results.

This explains why he attempted to leave after his outburst in the episode Learning New Things About Ourselves, because he had seen prior success in doing so.

However, it’s clear that there are some consequences to this approach.

[lyrics:

I don’t mind

if I’m impopular

I’m thinking

And no one in particular]

Another repeated notion throughout the series that Logan is now well aware of is that he is not very well liked. While this seems to stem from a combination of the expectations put on him and his stricter handling of the others’ more outlandish ideas, at this point, and the lyrics suggest he tries to make it seem as though it doesn’t bother him. But we know otherwise, because Logan does continue to attempt to garner favor from Thomas, the other sides, and the audience. It’s why he picked up the slang word flashcards, and it’s partly why he tries to use more relatable metaphors and analogies to explain complicated subjects. He does want to be liked, respected, and Heard, even if he claims otherwise.

His attempts to remove himself from the group to benefit Thomas and perform his duties from afar only seem to add to this dislike that’s been building for him. His absence prevents him from building and maintaining any relationship with the other sides (not that he was making much progress with that around that time in the series regardless). When he has his outburst in Learning New Things About Ourselves and tries to then leave the discussion entirely, he is quickly stopped by Patton who insists he stay instead. He would have preferred to leave, knowing he was more beneficial to Thomas if he was unemotional. Unfortunately, because he stays, he is unable to resolve the issue for Thomas like he had before, and instead spent the rest of the episode uncomfortable and unable to relate to the emotional concepts that were applied.

He comes away from that situation recognizing his own misunderstanding of the others’ actions in their attempts to help Thomas, but there is no solution found, only a slight improvement to Thomas’ mood about the discussion on the whole. And on Logan’s part, he was also left without a solution, resulting in him adding this as another failure to his list and believing that he will need to do more to better accommodate the other sides and Thomas’ emotions in order to achieve the best results.

[lyrics:

I’m breaking

I need another start

Far away from the city lights]

This follows the lyrics at the end of the song, repeating exactly how it started. Nothing was resolved here; Logan only sees his mistake and feels ashamed for it. He still wants to solve Thomas’ issues from a distance, but now he’s more aware of the emotional stakes that he hadn’t been implementing in his solutions before this point.

He has decided that he’ll do better, but he isn’t sure how to do that exactly, and he’s still hurting, but that’s left unacknowledged.

And Logan only comes to realize that the others are pulling away after this, as we see in Selfishness vs Selflessness, where he wasn't included in the courtroom scenario and pushed to the back and out of the way after the one moment where he could be helpful.

Logan can see that this is what Thomas and the others want for him, to stay out of their way, because he apparently can't understand them in the way they prefer. Never mind the fact that the inverse is true, too.

And that leads us to the next song, The Breach by clipping.. At a minimum, this song is very concerning, but also a helpful indicator as to what seems to be happening and possibly even why.

[lyrics:

Generally operating normally

A small anomaly has become evident

And probably should be noted]

In simple terms, something has changed, and likely not for the better. Something is different.

If we’re aware of the timeline of the story, this is sometime after the episode Learning New Things About Ourselves, which means it's likely about Remus’ arrival in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts and how it signifies Thomas’ declining mental health.

Something specific that should be mentioned about this song first is its lyrics. They are read as a computer observing a situation, assessing the variables, and stating plainly the solution to be enacted by others. This is similar to what Logan was able to successfully do in Moving On Pt 2 and would have preferred to use as his approach in Learning New Things About Ourselves, which is to stay distant from the situation itself but address everything calmly and without emotional disruption.

However, the lyrics are also given in very quick succession, indicating a hastiness to the necessity of these instructions. This could mean that if the subject does not act swiftly, the results may not be optimal.

[lyrics:

First: the recommended course of action should be to

Administer a sedative to all the cargo via ventilation

The ship is fully capable of automating this

But requires an approval code from the administration]

As he learned in Learning New Things About Ourselves, Logan has to better accommodate the other sides’ emotions (as well as Thomas’) and their concerns on the matter in order to competently resolve the issue, so appearing and calmly explaining what needs to be done is the approach he chose. But that didn’t work out at first due to the same issues he’s been having this whole time, which is everyone’s reluctance to listen to him as well as their insistence on keeping him out of the group, especially while they are all so emotional themselves in that moment.

In order for this to work, he would need to convince Thomas and the others to trust him and to listen to what he had to say. In reality, Logan can only give them the advice they need here, he can’t actually fix it for them, hence the lyric, “but requires an approval code from the administration.” They can’t logic their way out of this but using logic can guide them away from the overly emotional response and provide the instructions needed to find that solution.

Logan applies the instructions from the song – administer a sedative? Calm the others back down. The importance of alacrity? Speak with confidence, stay positive. Send security immediately? Logan took charge of the situation at hand because no one else was handling it.

Logan keeps himself level-headed, refuses to show any emotional response (not to Remus, not to Virgil, not to Patton), and displays his worth as Thomas’ Logic to the best of his ability. And it works fairly well, as he manages to calm the other sides and Thomas down while also warding Remus off and tiring him out. It took longer than he probably expected, but he accomplished what he had set out to do.

Despite the end of the song sounding like an electric-powered warzone, the episode Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts had ended on a positive note for Logan, as he was praised by Thomas for being cool, with how he handled the situation so smoothly and didn’t let anything affect him. This marked a success for Logan, and he now knows that addressing situations with swift action, getting right to the point while also allowing for the other parties to vent their feelings on the matter, and staying composed and unemotional himself while addressing the problem was the best course of action, at least while Thomas was in this type of mindset and far more stressed than he had been in the past.

Perhaps he really has finally figured out how to be a proper Logic for Thomas after all.

Unfortunately, whatever elation he had in that episode doesn’t last long, as our next song, Letter C by Zach Sherwin, is all about being embarrassed by others and reflecting back on the situation later to think of something cleverer that could have been said in response.

As this is something he has dealt with a handful of times in the series as a whole, Logan wishing he could have thought up a better comeback to the others’ insults in the moment is not unheard of, and it could easily be inferred that he’s done this type of reflection on his own many times.

[lyrics:

And now it’ll linger forever but I’ve been stewin’ over

What I’d say to him if I could do it over]

The song lyrics mention how this situation lingers, that it’s something Logan thinks about repeatedly, even though we know there have been multiple moments like this. He remembers it for a long time, he thinks back on each one, wishing he could have done something more when he had the chance.

This is a moment more steeped in pride than obligation to his duty as Logic, however. While his desire to be viewed as clever and informed comes from the expectations of him as Thomas’ Logic, his desire to be respected as Better than the other sides in this particular way does not.

As was told in Learning New Things About Ourselves, it seems Logan habitually criticizes the others and becomes more standoffish in response to stress and a lack of order, as though the lack of control in a situation supercedes his judgement on how to behave among the other sides. In attempt to regain that control, he tries to place himself and his importance in the matter above others, which only causes additional problems.

In reality, all the sides should be balancing each other out, but the system currently in place is not balanced at all, and we often see sides like Logan further down the ranks than others on a regular basis. This can explain his desire to level it back out or rise even higher, to prove that he should be listened to and respected, and he could easily convince himself that his reason for this desire stems from his necessity to Thomas as opposed to any correlated feelings of shame or pride.

Thomas needs his logical side, someone to act as his voice of reason when the others are too emotional and rowdy, someone to provide unbiased facts instead of the others’ leaning opinions, someone that he can trust to always be in his corner and do what’s best for him every time. While the others turn Thomas’ gaze to the future or the past, Logan does everything he can to keep him steady in the present, so long as Thomas actually listens.

Logan had spent a lot of time to change and be better for Thomas, to meet and exceed his expectations. He adapted his thoughts, his methods, his temperament, all to best accommodate Thomas and his needs. So, it makes a lot of sense that he’d have a lot left unsaid after everything he has tolerated throughout the series. He wishes he could have the respect he believes he’s owed instead of continuing to endure insults left and right, but for now, he can only make up such scenarios where he comes out on top in his mind.

A moment of respite comes with what's next on the playlist, Galaxy Song from Monty Python (as sung by Stephen Hawking), which has a delightful message of enjoying the wonder found in our universe. There’s already so much to learn on our planet, but there’s endlessly more available to us out in the rest of the ever-expanding universe.

The song jabs at the inevitable stupidity of some people but chooses not to complain or find a way to be better than them. Instead, one should choose to refocus on something positive, to distract themself rather than to dwell on it. It’s better to think about something you enjoy rather than something you hate, right? And this makes it seem as though it’s a response to the last song in this way, that Logan has dealt with another insult or stressful situation and was unable to respond in the way he preferred, so now he’s choosing to ignore it and think about something fascinating to pass his time in a healthier and nonjudgmental way. Ignoring the situation is no better than stewing over it, but at least this way he gets to think about something he appreciates.

Neither of these songs seem to have a particular place in the overall storyline from the series, by the way. They seem to embody multiple similar occurrences over the course of the show, indicating that this has happened before, continues to happen, and will likely keep happening in the future. However, it’s not a great situation to repeatedly have to handle, especially if Logan is still as stressed as we know he is, and if he simply keeps permitting it to happen without speaking up properly about why it bothers him, then it will never change.

The next song, Streaks, is itself a very interesting song that embodies a lot of nostalgia, both good and bad, that Logan holds about his past with Thomas – teaching him, helping him study, guiding his path through school and college. Sadly, we know that Thomas proceeded to let his Chemical Engineering degree collect dust so he could instead pursue an acting career and become a successful Youtuber as an adult. To Logan, these more creative interests overtook his studies and Thomas’ potential for a stable and well-earning career.

[lyrics:

All these years of filling out papers

Building a future

Keeping your head down

Tryin’ to keep a head on your shoulders

Keep it creative

Make it your own somehow]

From these lyrics, we can see the inclusion of creativity as a secondary to getting the work done, showing something that was discussed in Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? as Logan proposed that Thomas maintaining a healthy lifestyle and doing his work tasks needed to take priority over creative pursuits and aspirations. This could imply that, during Thomas’ school years, Logan may have had a lot more say in what Thomas should do to be successful in his classes and to get into college, and that he didn’t turn away Thomas’ interest in creativity but preferred it to not take priority over his schoolwork.

But, as we know, what may have started as a creative outlet soon grew into a genuine interest and then a full acting career that negated the entire point of all of Logan’s hard work. If Thomas had wanted to be an actor or a Youtuber all along, why did Logan put so much effort into getting Thomas to study, to do his work, to get into college, to earn his degree? He couldn’t even be proud of such an accomplishment because it served no purpose to Thomas as an adult. It didn’t signify anything except wasted effort on Logan’s part.

[lyrics:

Throw ‘em in the water

Let ‘em sink or float

Give ‘em what they need to move on

Then you let them go]

This sounds like something you’d hear from a parent watching their child grow up and move onto adulthood and pursue their own life away from the family home.

Logan had done his part, he taught and guided Thomas in everything he needed to know in order to achieve success. And when it came time for Thomas to follow through, he proceeded to veer off to a completely different path and Logan could do nothing but watch it happen. Thankfully, though, Thomas Had found success, just not in a way that Logan had expected.

He hadn’t even prepared for this type of eventuality – it was unknown territory.

But Logan could adapt, he could make this work. He’d shown he was able to overcome past obstacles, and he found ways to implement research and education into Thomas’ creative career, giving him an opportunity to still learn something new. He just needed to stay relevant and keep Thomas’ interest and continue encouraging him to learn. However, that proved much harder to do when Thomas refused to listen to him.

Thomas had grown to require much less from Logan over time, having moved away from the days of tests and studying to bigger and better adventures. It left Logan with very little to do for Thomas but maybe to appear when he had no one else to turn to.

It was as though it wasn’t just Thomas’ degree that he’d placed up on a shelf to collect dust, but Logan, too. To stay tucked away, unused for years, only ever coming in handy for very specific situations and nothing but an embarrassment or eyesore in others. What use could he possibly have anymore? Why should Thomas be proud of him when he didn’t need him for anything?

Now, if you’ve noticed, these past few songs seem to lean more heavily toward emotions than the ones that came before them. Letter C was about embarrassment and feeling shame over his mistakes and how he’s been treated, trying to use his pride to combat it. The Galaxy Song was about relief and ignoring the situation to escape to wonder and curiosity as a coping mechanism. And now Streaks is about nostalgia, the wistful longing for what once was, and the painful memory of what came of that despite all his effort.

He’s embarrassed, he’s running away from the problem, he’s sad.

You see, Logan is trying to find a solution here by using something similar to what the other sides might try when they are the ones struggling. He’s copying their methods. Roman leans on his pride to sooth his ego and to make himself feel better, Virgil runs away and hides from his issues, and Patton delves into nostalgia and strengthens his sadness, feeling it deeply.

This implies that Logan doesn’t quite understand how to handle whatever it is that he is feeling, but he's paid close enough attention to what the others have done, even if he doesn't understand why or how it's meant to help. Now that he's searching for some sort of solution on his own, he experiments, tries something new based upon his research and facts, rather than asking for any kind of help.

Remember, he can’t tarnish his image as a near-flawless Logic that is supposed to already know everything, who they’re supposed to be able to rely on. So, he will have to solve this one on his own, too, by just trying things out until he eventually gets it right. That is what the experimental approach is for, after all.

But these emotional songs are only the beginning, and they’re about to take a stark turn.

Next is What I Do For U by Ra Ra Riot, which is a song absolutely steeped in frustration and anger. In so few lyrics, it says a lot of what Logan has been mulling over lately in the storyline. We know his frustration over everything has been building more and more.

[lyrics:

I want you to survive

Anything you need]

This song gets right to the point with its opening lyrics and even the chorus. It tells us that Logan’s efforts, all these recommendations to Thomas, all the schedules and planning, all this encouragement for him to eat healthy and take better care of himself, all his guidance and advice and helpfulness serve one purpose and one purpose alone – to help Thomas survive.

[lyrics:

What I do for you

I do for you]

Everything he does, he does for Thomas.

But does Thomas recognize that? It doesn’t seem so.

And this, of course, bothers Logan. It doesn’t just bother him, it angers him. Logan has put in so much of his time and energy over the years into doing everything perfectly for Thomas, with no help in doing so this entire time. Prioritizing Thomas’ wellness over everything, listening to the others even when he couldn’t understand their emotions, remaining level-headed and calm around their puns and insults and threats, hiding his interests and holding back his words so they wouldn’t think less of him. He has worked against obstacles and odds of which the others aren’t even aware. He has bent and molded and reshaped himself in so many ways to better accommodate everyone else, to match their expectations, to make them happy. He did it for them.

But what does he get in return? Mocked, disrespected, and ignored.

And, worst of all, Logan knows just how important he is to Thomas! Well, in function, at least. Thomas would not survive without Logic, and yet Logan seems to be the only one to recognize that fact. He can’t even be respected for his function, his purpose in keeping Thomas alive and well. It’s one thing if they didn't like Logan, but wasn’t the fact that he was needed for Thomas’ survival enough for them to tolerate him, at the very least?

[lyrics:

I’m your only hope

And I’m your savior too

Every single test

You’ve been ever carried through]

On top of that, and as we saw in the Working Through Intrusive Thoughts asides episode, Logan has been attempting to solve Thomas’ issues by himself, relying on his knowledge and experience with Thomas to determine the best approach in every situation without consulting the other sides at all. At some point in the series, Logan came to believe that he was the only one who actually cared about what Thomas needed, that he was somehow the only one actually keeping Thomas alive. He believes he is the only side who’s clear-headed enough to handle Thomas’ problems, the only one who can act as a voice of reason, the only one who offers practical and useful solutions.

This is, unfortunately for Logan, not actually true, but it makes sense why he would come to this conclusion, considering that every side disagrees on what they think is best for Thomas. The other sides tend to focus on their own self-interests and goals as guiding factors while Logan is the one who deals the most in absolutes and factual information. Something that Roman suggests can be complete fantasy, impossible to ever achieve. Something that Patton suggests can be unreasonable to follow through on or would only hurt Thomas in the long run. Something that Virgil suggests can be rooted in negativity and self-doubt, bringing Thomas’ mental health down as a result. Janus’ suggestions can be incredibly biased and not always socially acceptable. Remus’ suggestions…well. They can be both uncomfortable as well as impractical.

But Logan never gives impossible, impractical, or biased recommendations to Thomas. He uses research to find what would work best for the situation, then applies it to his knowledge and experience with Thomas to determine what would suit him most, and then suggests it outright, explaining in simple terms a way in which it can be implemented.

He does all the hard work for Thomas, so that all he’ll have to do is simply follow through. Each time, he does this with Thomas and his needs at the forefront of every offer.

Yes, he can go overboard a bit, just like all the other sides, but he thinks that just means he needs to be flexible and allow for some exceptions to balance things out, allow Thomas to be happy in his survival. After all, he has learned so much over the course of this series, hasn’t he?

He learned to compromise with those he disagreed with in The Mind vs The Heart. He learned that too much or too little of any side’s influence could bring detriment to Thomas in Accepting Anxiety Pt 1 & 2. He learned that emotions could override intelligence and present a major problem in Moving On Pt 1 & 2. He learned that finding some balance between his suggestions and the others’ was optimal in Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?. He learned that such balance could not be applied to himself as he had to maintain his role as an unemotional Logic and stay serious in Crofters: The Musical. He learned that he needed to expand his understanding of why Thomas preferred emotions over intelligence despite the need for both in Learning New Things About Ourselves. He learned that the other sides and Thomas could apparently solve their issues without his presence in Selfishness vs Selflessness. He learned that his method of taking action and solving the issue for them when they were too emotional to do it themselves was more efficient in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts. He learned that, despite his willingness to help, the others much preferred to solve issues without him in Putting Others First. He learned that his method of efficiency in solving Thomas’ problems on his behalf was not particularly welcome and would not earn him the respect he desired in Working Through Intrusive Thoughts. He learned that despite continued efforts, the others still won’t listen to him or to each other in Have I Grown? – Five Years Later. He learned that, as the logical side, the others would always assume he was against them and their ideas in Can Plushies Improve Our Health?

He's learned…a lot. Overall, he has concluded that he is needed but not wanted, that he has the answers but not the perfect method to apply them, that he apparently should allow for emotions to guide the other sides and Thomas while keeping himself cut off from them entirely, and that he should be implementing logic only where it is most required or when specifically requested.

Logan has found what he believes should work best for Thomas, but has also realized that Thomas is refusing to listen. Thomas doesn’t want to do things that benefit him, he doesn’t want to do things that will make him feel better, and Logan certainly can’t force him to do them, either, even when he’s sure it will help. Are the suggestions the problem or is it because it’s Logan suggesting them that keeps him from doing it?

Logan is very determined to perform his function, to keep Thomas alive and well. He wants to empower him to overcome the mental health difficulties he’s been facing lately, and to allow him to take care of his needs, but Logan’s doing all of this by himself because he doesn’t believe anyone else is capable nor wants to do what has to be done.

The other sides prefer to only dabble in the fun parts, the emotional parts, and leave the complicated and messy stuff to Logan alone. And if Thomas refuses to listen just because it’s Logan telling him the answer, then it puts everything at a standstill, including Logan’s purpose for even being there.

It frustrates him. He feels like he’s been put in this unwinnable position, always made out to be the bad guy when all he does is care about Thomas’ survival and wellbeing.

[lyrics:

I couldn’t ever give up on you

But don’t thank me]

He, quite literally, could never stop doing his job as Thomas’ Logic. He could never stop doing his part, keeping everything afloat, making sure that Thomas can still function, even when Thomas’ mental health is fighting against him at every turn.

Throughout all of Working Through Intrusive Thoughts, we see Logan pause or postpone his plans so he can redirect Thomas and attempt to salvage his mental health, give him time to refocus. He knows it’s a priority right now. He has learned time and time again that emotions are more important than logic in this world, even if logic is the reason he knows and can implement ways to help Thomas to calm down and manage those emotions.

Logan knows by now that he can only help when he’s asked to or when he’s needed most, but after every obstacle and barrier he’s managed to push through, after being the only one who cares enough to do anything to help, he’s left tired and frustrated. He just wants Thomas to listen, for once, for his own benefit, so that he might understand what it is Logan hasn’t been able to say because he’s been pushed down and away for so long.

He shouts out “Stop ignoring me!” to Remus, but Remus knows it’s not really him that he wants to yell that at, and he’s right. Logan’s frustration is mostly with Thomas, and this song shows that very clearly.

He won’t give up on him because he physically can’t, but maybe he has stopped caring about why that is. Maybe he will just do his job, meet the bare minimum of expectations, and not care about the rest anymore.

When Thomas asks him “What’s next?” in the Have I Grown? anniversary video, Logan simply responds, “You tell me.”

He knows his opinion doesn’t matter. He knows no one listens to what he has to say. His suggestions are ignored, his advice is unwanted. Why should he bother giving a damn any longer if Thomas and the other sides clearly don’t give a damn about him?

And that’s where we get to the next song, Erase Me by Ben Folds Five.

This is a very pivotal moment, and it’s notable that it seems to be something that will happen in the near future of the series, because, as of the last song, we have already surpassed all currently released (and relevant) episodes of Sanders Sides in this timeline of the playlist. Erase Me will be related to whatever happens next in Logan’s arc, which also means everything from here on out is more of a prediction than an analysis.

[lyrics:

What was our home?

Paper, not stone

A lean-to, at most]

There’s a lot going on from the very start of this song. First, Logan’s perspective of the mindscape, the “family” of Thomas’ sides, and the system they’ve been using to keep Thomas going was clearly built on shaky foundation, paper-thin and ready to fall at a moment’s notice. Patton holding back negative emotions and then pushing Thomas to prioritize others over himself, Roman pushing himself too far and letting passion fuel Thomas’ every move in desperate attempts to look like the good guy, Virgil’s persistent presence alone despite his efforts to do better only to turn around and assume the worst of Thomas’ opinion of him, Janus’ meddling and his attempts to get Thomas to understand his issues without saying anything outright and only confusing him more and making him feel more guilty, and Remus being abrasive and outlandish to grab Thomas’ attention at every chance he has even if it comes at a detriment to Thomas’ health. It really was only a matter of time before things fell through.

Thomas struggling the way he has been was bound to happen because he wasn’t taking care of himself, he would only listen to some sides far more than others and wasn’t listening to his voice of reason much at all. This created an unfair and, at times, toxic environment for the sides to live and work in. All of them constantly trying to grab Thomas’ attention was what kept them from paying attention to Thomas and what he needed instead.

This became increasingly evident after Janus showed up in the narrative, and has been explicitly clear since Remus’ arrival, too. Thomas is not doing well mentally, and his sides are all stressed out which is making it worse. Logan can recognize all this from a detached, outside perspective despite also being just as affected. He’s been trying to keep things together for Thomas, working on his own to fulfill every role being left undone while the others are too upset to handle things as they typically could, but unfortunately, Logan’s finding it hard to care anymore.

[lyrics:

And when you pulled

Your half away

Gravity won

Like it always does

Did I weigh a ton?

Would it be easier

To just delete

Our pages and the plans we made?]

So, this song is sung in a very accusatory tone, poking at a specific person (mainly because it is originally a break-up song). The speaker is very upset and angry with the other party, and they are relaying their observations and asking why, asking if it was their fault this happened.

“And when you pulled your half away” implies that Logan was not the instigator of whatever preceded this incident, but as we saw with the last song, Logan holds some beliefs about Thomas and the other sides that are not fully true but are not exactly contested either. He could easily see their insistence in pushing him away, ignoring him, and refusing to listen even when Thomas is in desperate need of help as their act of pulling away from him, even if he is the one who has finally let go.

And while I don’t want to get too particular with my predictions, I do believe it’s very possible a last straw for Logan at this juncture may very well involve Thomas’ mental health and what he genuinely needs for survival.

If you’ll remember, Logan now believes he is only truly needed when it is absolutely necessary and there are no other options, or if he is specifically requested to help in some way, so if there is a situation that requires his attention, only for him to show up and be rejected yet again, he may just give up at that point.

And Logan thinks he is the only side genuinely looking out for Thomas, not just for his needs but his wants, as well. Thomas had specifically asked for his help in the Working Through Intrusive Thoughts episode, only for him to take on multiple roles to keep Thomas calm enough to handle himself. And Logan was the only one who bothered to ask Thomas what He wanted in the Can Plushies Improve Our Health? promo video, before even making his argument that everyone else assumed would be in opposition but turned out not to be.

Logan sees himself as that last remaining straw, really. If something is going to finally break him, it will be Thomas and the others. It will be their negligence, their refusal, their rejection of him that finally bends him too far, pushing him to a point where nothing can ever be the same again.

[lyrics:

So what will you do

With no me for you

I know what we said

What if I left

A thing or two?

We know that you don’t seem

To think about what you need

‘Til you reach to find that you’ve—

Erased me]

Like I said, Logan sees himself as the only one holding Thomas together. He believes that, without him, everything would fall apart and turn to chaos, and he’s probably right about most of that.

These lyrics are the speaker predicting what will occur, that the others won’t even notice his absence until they need him for something, and that’s when they’ll realize he’s already gone. This indicates a potential plan to leave, maybe not fully ducking out but certainly not sticking around either. Something that would keep Thomas’ logic functional for use while also allowing Logan a reprieve from him and the other sides, where he would only be used as one would a tool; tucked away in storage until the moment it is needed, then put right back afterward.

Leaving is the key here, though, and it’s something we’ve already seen result in detriment to Thomas back in Accepting Anxiety Pt 1 & 2, and yet, Logan has come to believe that this is a favorable option. Why? Is this to help him feel vindicated, to teach them a lesson?

It's not as though they want him around enough to stop him from leaving anyway.

You know, both the title and chorus of this song portray a very particular message, as “erase me” is not the speaker’s action, because he is not the one erasing himself. Rather, it is a suggestion to the other party so that they can finally be rid of the speaker. The lyrics are also taunting with these words, as if to say that this is what the other party has wanted all along anyway so they should just do it already.

Logan is asking, pleading, for Thomas to let him go because he obviously doesn’t even want him around. Logan doesn’t want to put up with this anymore, and as angry as he is at how he’s been treated, he knows he can’t just give up on Thomas, he’s literally a part of him. This has to be Thomas’ decision, Thomas’ action. Thomas has to be the one to push Logan away, the one to erase him.

Logan isn’t just angry at this point, he’s miserable. He knows he’s unwanted and barely needed, as he serves so little purpose to Thomas in his current career and doesn’t get along with any of the other sides despite everything he has tried to do to correct that. They’ve made it clear they don’t want him around, and they have already proven they can solve issues on their own without his help. He doesn’t need to be there, so why won’t Thomas just let him go?

[lyrics:

Erase me, and you’ll never have to face me

Erase me, Option-Command-Escape me

And if you feel nothing, guess what I wanna be?]

A fun little tidbit of knowledge here, but the Option-Command-Escape function on an Apple computer is its force-quit option, to completely cease a program from running. The program can’t do this itself; the user has to combine those three keys to make it happen. And when they do, the program will have closed and shut down completely. Often this is used when a program isn’t working the way it’s supposed to, when it fails to do its job. By doing this, you put it out of its misery.

Logan isn’t just asking to leave, to only benefit Thomas from afar or only as needed, he is essentially begging for death. He no longer wishes to function at all, because he believes he has no purpose to Thomas or the others. He is pleading for Thomas to let him go, find someone else who could do a better job as his Logic, someone who they’d actually enjoy having around.

For Logan to reach this low of a point, something truly devastating has to have happened to him. I cannot possibly predict what may truly set him off in this way, but given the most recent events in the series, he isn’t all that far from this point already. Likely, it will involve his worth and use to Thomas, and it won’t just be that he was forgotten or tossed aside like in SVS and SVS:R, but that Thomas or the others doing something that will clarify his uselessness out loud, where it can no longer be denied. There will be a divide that leaves him alone on the other end, finally and truly aware that he will never belong here.

Desperation that turns to anger to hide away its shame and misery, Logan won’t just duck out like Virgil had in Accepting Anxiety Pt 1. He would lash out, make sure Thomas and the others knew exactly why he wanted to leave, and begging that they be the ones to cut that connection for him. Maybe he will do something to push the issue, to give them a reason to do it. Perhaps the Orange side will emerge at this point, either to assist him in whatever he’s trying to do or to take over for him or something else entirely.

Regardless of what happens, Logan has now hit a very low point, and everyone knows it.

The next song is Art is Dead by Bo Burnham, which by itself can imply quite a few things.

As if simmering down from the initial blast of heat in the last song, there's still anger and annoyance here, but also a realization.

Something I want you to understand about this song before we relate it to Logan and why it’s included in this playlist is that the speaker is talking about a position, specifically an entertainer, and is saying that what they do is problematic. The speaker is complaining about another party, only to then turn around and include themself within that party. They are not just saying “entertainers are bad and here’s 50 reasons why.” They are saying “entertainers are attention-seekers, and so am I.”

So, when you then put this into perspective with Logan and the message he’s been trying to convey, he is pointing out flaws that he sees in what is likely Roman, as well as Thomas, but he’s also including himself as part of the problem. He recognizes that he, too, seeks attention – from Thomas, from the other sides, from the audience. And he doesn’t feel that it’s a good thing, he sees it as shameful because he knew why it was an issue, and yet he kept doing it anyway.

This seems like a moment of self-reflection, to see that he is not above the others at all, in fact he’s not that different from them when it comes down to what they all want, which is Thomas’ attention. Every single one of them is trying to be heard, but Thomas has only been listening to some of them. And most of them never feel that what they do get is enough, no matter how much it is.

This song shows that Logan knows he wants Thomas’ attention, but also that he doesn’t feel he’s done enough to deserve it. He believes he hasn’t even earned a right to complain like he has. He’s ashamed for how he’s acted because he thought he was supposed to be better than this. He doesn’t deserve the respect he thought he was owed; he doesn’t deserve anything.

With this song, he has somehow managed to dig even lower than his last low point, he’s just sorry for all the trouble he’s caused. Maybe his emotions got out of hand, maybe the Orange side caused problems but it was his fault because he let it happen – who knows? Even if he felt vindicated in the moment, it was clearly fleeting, and now, after the events of what happened, Logan only feels worse.

And then we get to Equation from The Little Prince next on the playlist, and we’re still in that zone of self-reflection, but it’s no longer about how Logan’s just like the others. No, now it’s all about his own flaws, his own failures, and everywhere that he’s fallen short.

Logan has now managed to dig even deeper than his lowest low, folks! It just gets worse and worse! Can you believe it?

[lyrics:

Will I ever know

How white is the snow

Does it matter after all?

Will I ever learn

How to fly like birds]

In this lowest point, Logan can only come up with questions that have been left unasked. Did he hurt Thomas? Did he ruin whatever he had with the other sides? Will he be forever trapped in this world Thomas created for them, with no way to truly explore the real world, to see its full wonder? Will he ever have a chance to do better, to be better, to hope again? Will he ever reach his true potential? Did he ever even have a true potential?

He had attempted and failed to find perfection for so long. He believed it was just a matter of trying, of wanting to meet Thomas’ expectations of him, that if he put his all into it, then he could see it through and be what exactly what Thomas wanted him to be, to be what everyone expected him to be, to be what Logan himself hoped to be.

Hours, days, weeks, years… In the end, it was never truly possible, and yet he had kept foolishly hoping for so long that he could be enough for Thomas. He had called the others’ ideas irrational, when, really, it was him all along with the impossible dreams.

[lyrics:

Are you good as gold?

Are you far from hope?

Are you well alone,

Dad?

Will I be a brave?

Will I be a bright?

Will I be a good grown-up?]

The future was never certain, but now Logan could never be sure of anything. What will become of him? What will become of Thomas? Is it even possible to recover from this, to start over, to get better?

We then move on to the next song, Sunrise from In The Heights. Logan is not doing well, but something he definitely needs more than anything right now is some sort of hope and motivation to keep trying and keep going.

Sunrise appears to be a song meant to involve either Roman or Patton communicating with Logan, but the purpose in its placement on this playlist seems to infer emotion as a motivation to learn, if you break the romantic intent away from the song itself, that is. Anything can motivate one to learn, even love, and Logan must be able to recognize this and understand that emotions and intelligence do not have to have a clear separation and can instead work in tandem. Learning isn’t just about curiosity or survival, it can have very emotional ties, as well.

For so long in the series, Logan has insisted he did not have emotions, even when this was clearly false. He believed that keeping himself removed from emotions would help him succeed in his job as Logic, that the others would be able to rely on him much more if they could trust his knowledge to be unbiased and unmotivated by unpredictable emotions. He assumed that divide between the two was necessary, and that if the two merged or collided, he would be unfit to do his job, that he would not be taken seriously.

However, doing this kept him from understanding and processing his own emotions as well as being unable to empathize with Thomas and the other sides. He only grew to misunderstand and mistrust emotions more and more as time went on, becoming startled and confused at his own outbursts, not aware of why he would feel a certain way or have a certain reaction to a situation, because he refused to let himself experience that emotion, to feel it. His lack of understanding directly resulted from his choice not to engage with emotions at all, despite their importance.

And finding that importance is where this song comes in, because the crucial point Logan had been missing all this time was that emotions can encourage one to learn, inspire one to research. Love can motivate someone to learn a new language, so they can communicate, as we hear in this song. But something like anger can motivate someone to research an important topic so they can fight for what they believe in with facts on their side. Sadness can inspire someone to look into advice and ways to help, not just for oneself but for others, too, employing empathy and logic side by side. Fear can motivate someone to find truth, to create familiarity with routines and schedules, to calm down cognitive distortions to maintain peace of mind.

Logic and emotions do not need to be separated; they can work together very well. In fact, most people use both in tandem every day.

For so long, Logan had set for himself a barrier he could not, would not cross. He knew there was nuance to the world but learned over time that he could not display his own. He resorted to that black-and-white thinking for the others' benefit and then to his own, finding that it was all-or-nothing when it came to Logic or Emotions. He believed one would merely taint the other, so they must be kept apart, even if that left only he alone on the other side, as the only logical side.

Despite the unfairness and discomfort, he didn’t want to challenge what he had come to think was right, what he’d been using as his basis for how he was supposed to act, which is why he refused to learn more about it, to never dare change the perception that he held.

He had given up, letting the world and its arbitrary rules dictate who he was and how he should be…but that was never meant to happen.

Once he realizes where his thoughts had steered him wrong, it will be like a whole new world of opportunities has suddenly opened up to him, giving him so much more to explore and learn. It will give him what he was missing this whole time. It will bridge the gaps he’d been unable to cross.

Logan does serve a purpose, and it's an incredibly important one, but it’s not something he was ever meant to do completely alone like he has been.

And that, of course, is where we get to the next song, One More Time with Feeling by Regina Spektor.

Firstly, this is a song about recovery, which is definitely where Logan would be by now in the story, processing what happened, and attempting to move forward and do better. As many know, recovery is not linear, and it’s certainly not perfect.

But given everything that has happened, it’s not all on Logan to improve himself on his own. Yes, he will need to allow himself to feel emotions so that he can understand them better, and he’ll need to learn ways to implement feelings alongside intelligence when working with the other sides to help Thomas, but the other sides need to do their part here, as well.

They have pushed him away, refused to listen to him for so long, often for petty reasons that blossomed into their eventual negligence. It won’t be easy to fix that level of miscommunication between Logan and the others. It’s not as simple as Logan finally speaking up, or the others promising to do better; it will require a lot of work from both ends before anyone can truly meet in the middle on this.

Logan had spent a lot of time before all this, trying to find ways to meet the others halfway, only to met with nothing in return. He gave up so much of himself, and now resents their choice to only take and never give anything back. Once the others finally reciprocate and show that they do genuinely care about him, only then will Logan have the chance to start this journey, to finally begin to get better.

The lyrics that we hear a few times in this song “this is why we fight” can have multiple connotations, such as an explanation of why the group miscommunicates and argues so much, why they don’t get along. But it can also mean that this is their motivation to keep trying, to fight for what they believe in.

I believe both of these meanings are present in Logan’s perspective of this song.

[lyrics:

Oh, everyone takes turns, now it’s yours to play the part

And they’re sitting all around you, holding copies of your chart

And the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting into yours]

Earlier on in the song, Logan believes that the others don’t understand his predicament, even if they want to help. They are still separate from him, even if they’ve all had their own issues to overcome, that doesn’t mean they actually comprehend what he’s going through, how it feels, what it means.

He experiences the world so differently from the rest of them. How could they ever possibly understand?

They are pushing him to do something he cannot do well – to open up, to reach out, to feel – and it’s only condescending and antagonistic how they keep insisting that he try again every time he fails.

“This is why we fight” during the chorus is his condemnation of their actions, that he doesn’t think the others can meet him at his level. He is not in a place yet where he can believe they’ll listen to what he’s actually saying, he can’t trust that they’ll bother to explain these unknown things to him in a way he can understand. And this is why they continue to fight, to argue, to not get along, because they aren’t properly communicating, they’re just making the same mistakes again and again.

[lyrics:

You thought by now you’d be so much better than you are

You thought by now they’d see that you had come so far

And the pride inside their eyes would synchronize into a love you’ve never known

So much more than you’ve been shown]

Logan thought he would be better, not just in regard to being the best he can be for Thomas, to succeed as his Logic, to know what to do, and to have the answers, but also in terms of his own recovery. It’s difficult, and some days are worse than others; he makes progress and then he doesn’t, and it’s shameful because he has such high expectations for himself.

He’s so used to aiming for perfection that when failure is consistent like this, it feels wrong to be told it’s actually okay, that it’s normal.

But he wants to prove that Thomas’ efforts and the efforts from the other sides have not gone to waste on him, that he is improving. And yet, he keeps failing anyway. He was supposed to be perfect; he was supposed to be reliable! But now look at him. Even with their help, he’s still messing things up.

He just wants to make them proud, he wants to earn that attention and respect that he couldn’t get before, even if he knows he still doesn’t deserve it. He wants to prove that maybe he can deserve it, though.

“This is why we fight” during the next chorus is his agreement with the others, that this is the motivation to keep trying, to keep going. Someday, he can be better. Someday, he will be respected and trusted and relied upon in the ways that he wants. Someday, they’ll be proud of him.

Until then, the fight is worth it.

This leads directly into In My Mind by Amanda Palmer as the next song, as we see Logan has held very high expectations for himself, which is why failure had hurt so much. But now that things have changed, he may be beginning to challenge these expectations, to expand upon them and understand that he has a chance for something different now.

[lyrics:

Because I will be the picture of discipline

Never minding what state I’m in

And I will be someone I admire]

Part of the issue really did come down to lyrics like “never minding what state I’m in” because Logan never put himself as a priority. This entire time, even at his lowest point, Logan was never the one who was important, not even to himself.

He was okay with this because this was never about him, it was about what Thomas needed or wanted. His willingness to bend and remake himself to benefit the others was surely a sentiment shared by all of them, that this was just what was needed to accomplish his job.

It’s not until Logan finally realizes that this is not the case, that he needs to put himself in some priority, too, that he’ll ever begin to improve and truly get better, able to be himself or enjoy anything he does again.

A big part of recovery is not setting your motivation on someone or something else – you need to get better because you want to be better. You need to believe you deserve to be happy, to get the things you want. Logan can say he’s doing this to benefit Thomas, to build back a relationship with the other sides, to earn back his position and demand respect as Logic, but that will only fail until his motivation is simply that it’s something he wants to do, for him. When attached to others and their expectations, those strings only come with guilt and can end up making his situation worse.

Logan has to do this for himself.

[lyrics:

And it’s funny how I imagined

That I would be that person now

But it does not seem to have happened

Maybe I’ve just forgotten how to see

That I’m not exactly the person that I thought I’d be]

It starts with recognition, the realization that he hasn’t met those expectations he held for himself. There’s still judgement and he still feels guilty about it, wondering how he could have let it get to this point. Maybe he just wasn’t paying attention properly, maybe he should have remembered that he’d already decided long ago about perfection being unattainable and how that was supposed to apply to him, too.

[lyrics:

Not like me now

I’m so busy with everything

That I don’t look at anything

But I’m sure I’ll look when I am older]

He regrets having missed out on the present, not having the chance to experience the wonder of the world that he so admires due to all his efforts towards achieving perfection and doing his best to handle everything by himself. He was so busy trying to do everything so precisely and getting the result he wanted that he hadn’t given himself the opportunity to enjoy anything in all that time.

He could do activities if they were productive, if they served a purpose, but he was a hypocrite, always aware and sharing the wonder of the universe and all that exists within it, amazed by the here and now, yet spending all his time locked in, looking away from the present while trying so hard to maintain it.

How long did he spend, convincing himself that just as soon as he achieves what he set out to do, then he would have time to do that? How long would he have kept going if something hadn’t finally snapped and broken everything, forcing him to confront this?

Would he have missed out? Would he have been somehow worse?

[lyrics:

And it’s funny how I imagined that I could be that person now

But that’s not what I want, but that’s what I wanted

And I’d be giving up somehow, how strange to see

That I don’t wanna be the person that I want to be]

Finally, a breakthrough. While not quite acceptance, Logan is finally starting to see the difference, that he wants things in a different way now than he did before.

He kept trying to strive for perfection in his recovery, but didn’t he recall how badly that had gone last time? He knew perfection wasn’t attainable, but he believed that was the expectation Thomas and the others had for him. He kept trying to get to it, no matter what it cost him, and that’s how he wound up here in the first place.

And now, after everything, things have changed. Thomas is listening, at least more than before. The others do care, and try to make sure he knows it, too. Logan had wanted to get better, to make them proud, to prove that he deserved what they were offering to him, but… that wasn’t even the point of it all.

All this time, he’d thought he still needed to be perfect, that that was what he wanted, but now that he’s finally had a chance to look inside himself, to experience wonder and curiosity again, he has realized that what he really wanted was to be accepted.

He didn’t want to have to change himself so the others would listen, he just wished they would actually want to listen to him, to like him for who he is, to let him be himself without requiring him to change, to only be the best, only what was needed, only Logic.

He wanted to be more than Logic; he wanted to be Logan.

With that, he finally realizes that doesn’t have to focus on perfection for Thomas’ sake and survival. He can focus more on himself more instead, on what he actually wants from the world, what he wants to do, and what he wants to try. He can be what he wants to be – more than Thomas’ Logic.

Having finally realized what it’s all for and being given the time to explore that, we get to the next song, Not Perfect by Tim Minchin.

This is a song that attempts to use facts and knowledge to explain feelings and thoughts, bringing context to situations that Logan had struggled in doing before this point. Finally beginning to understand what it is that’s going on inside, what these feelings are and why they’re there, to have the words he needs to adequately describe it to someone else, it all must be so relieving.

There’s still uncertainty, sure, but it’s a lot less stressful now, knowing there’s a way to talk to the others, to actually communicate what he means. He may still be startled, caught unawares, but he doesn’t have to shove it down and away anymore. He knows how to pause and reflect, let himself experience it, and he knows how to control his own behavior in reaction to it.

It’s far from perfect, and there’s still a lot he’ll need to learn, but he does so enjoy learning, doesn’t he?

[lyrics:

This is my earth and it’s fine

It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time

It’s not perfect, but it’s mine

It’s not perfect…]

Another thing to note about this song is the ownership behind most of the lyrics. “This is my earth” and “it’s not perfect, but it’s mine.” That sense of belonging is something that Logan has always wanted, and to be able to not only express that, finally, but to feel that it is real, that he is no longer just an outside observer but a part of the world as a whole, must be incredible.

He’s finally found his place, and though it was here all along, he no longer feels trapped in a cage or left collecting dust on a shelf. He has his place, he knows he’s a part of something greater, and that he’ll be appreciated for who he is.

This song has a perfect matching bookend, by the way; it’s three songs from the end of the playlist whereas Algoryhthm was three from the start. Both of these songs involve one’s differing view of the world, recognizing not only how it works but their place within it. One deals with that negatively, the other more positively.

In Algorhythm, Logan still had wonder for the expanse of the world but found himself trapped by the parameters being set. It didn’t matter that he knew things didn’t have to run in this way, he had no power to change it. He was given no other choice but to give up and go with the flow. He could only change himself to match it, knowing he was an outsider who didn’t belong but had to make do with his circumstances.

In Not Perfect, however, he still has that differing view of the world, but instead of being the outlier, he’s now able to find comfort in knowing he has a place within this world. There are so many wonders everywhere, all around, in the biggest and smallest of things. Yes, he sees the world differently, but so do others, and that’s amazing! He may feel alone at times, he may feel infinitesimal among the great expanse of the universe, but he is never truly alone. He knows he belongs here. He has those who understand him, and he doesn’t have to change for anyone. The world can accept him for who he is, always.

It's as though whoever curated this playlist knew precisely what they were doing. They cared deeply enough to ensure this story, Logan’s story, was told exactly the way it was meant to be, to describe the highs and lows, to explain the truth behind every note, and to inspire with hope anyone else who may be struggling, as well. This story, this playlist, says to us calmly and clearly that everything is going to be okay. It’s not perfect, but it’ll be okay.

In Human by Tank and the Bangas, we get to hear that acceptance, that love on full display.

Things have finally slowed down now, a song for a moment that comes at a more comfortable and soothing pace. Logan finally has the time to look around and see what he’s been missing while he’s been so busy with everything else.

This is another song that uses facts not only to describe and evoke emotions, but to inspire awe and wonder. Emotion-driven curiosity, channeling all the wonders of the world, of you, as your inspiration and guide to learn more and appreciate the here and now.

[lyrics:

Don’t you ever become complicit

With living life on a shelf]

Logan had gone so long pushing away parts of himself simply because they were flawed, not partaking in his interests because they didn’t fit the mold he so desperately wanted to fill. But now that he’s found his place, he can appreciate his chance to finally be more, to explore and share what he’s learned, knowing he’ll be heard.

Something we’ve seen from Logan since the very beginning is just how deep and wide his wonder goes. He loves the world, the universe, and everything found within it. He holds such fascination for the innumerable amount of living species in the world, for all the technology that’s been created and built, for every concept born of a mind. Logan loves the world so much, and he wishes so much for others to cherish what can be learned from it, as every moment, something new emerges. So many possibilities, so many chances to do more, see more, be more.

Logan was never meant to be someone who was pushed away, kept from the world that he loves so dearly. And now that he finally has the chance to be himself, to be accepted for who he is, we see that he immediately turns to what he loves most: wonder, and the opportunity to share it with others.

Knowledge can do so much for so many, but it’s best purpose is to be shared openly and freely, given to all who will take it. It’s not meant to be inaccessible, locked away, kept elite behind paywalls and tuition fees. It’s a part of what makes the world as amazing as it is, and Logan knows this and wants it to be shared.

[lyrics:

You have to continue to live

There are too many more interesting lessons]

Logan had made it his upmost priority in life to ensure Thomas’ survival, but this was something that eventually led to him burned out, begging for his own life to end instead. This journey, this long arc full of ups and downs, gave Logan the chance to see that his priorities were misaligned. He needed to take care of himself, he needed to give himself significance, because otherwise, he’d be constantly pouring from an empty cup.

He had to choose not only to live but to give himself the chance to do what humans do, to experience life, to enjoy it. Whatever time they have, they will make the most of it, because it can’t just be about survival.

Back in the song Algorhythm, Logan learned that humans do things very differently, that they don’t always act in ways that make sense, that sometimes they don’t prioritize survival despite its importance. In Fitter Happier, his interpretation of what it meant to be human was so disconnected from reality, misunderstanding what it was truly all for. But now, he has been given the chance to experience that broader spectrum; he’s no longer cut off from emotions and the ties they make to every moment in life.

There is so much more you can do with emotions as your guide, as the heartbeat to fuel your curiosity, your will to keep learning.

[lyrics:

And if you never knew

That that was enough to just be

You obviously don’t know

A thing]

This song has marked this moment out clearly for Logan, that he is finally an important and valued part of Thomas, that he belongs here and has a place here with the other sides, within the world, within the show. And it wasn’t perfection and changing himself to suit their needs that got him there. He was able to accept himself and give himself the freedom to explore and discover more, to find his own way to benefit Thomas, to be Logic, without strings, without repression, without solitude.

Being unabashedly himself was enough. He was enough for Thomas.

And then we get to the last song on the playlist, Time Adventure from Adventure Time.

A charming song to complete the set, to bring us back to how happy and smiling Logan had started out at the beginning of it all, though this time there’s a lot more depth to that smile. He knows more now; he’s learned and changed and improved in ways he never knew possible at the start of all this.

[lyrics:

Time is an illusion that helps things make sense

So we’re always living in the present tense

It seems unforgiving when a good thing ends

But you and I will always be back then

You and I will always be back then]

Existentialism with a positive twist, Logan can recognize the world for what it is, for how it works. But there is always that encouragement to remember where we all are, in the here and now.

Logan values the present the most, even if he’s someone we know who relies on the past for experience and the future for motivation. In comparison, Roman values the future and what it can hold, Patton values the past and what it can mean, and Virgil mixes between the past and the future to keep Thomas on a steady path. Logan is one of the only sides, other than perhaps Janus, who values the present moment above all else.

He wants Thomas to see what’s right in front of him instead of ignoring it for what he remembers of the past or what he hopes for the future. It’s okay to want those things, to appreciate them, but disregarding the present only results in missing out on the world around him, on what’s already available to him right now.

Logan sees Thomas’ potential and aspires for him to achieve it, but he can’t keep his mind on faraway goals without doing what he can in the present. Make a plan today that you can enact tomorrow. Brainstorm that story right now so you can write it later. Hug that friend today so you can remember it later when you miss them. There’s always a reason to act in the present, to live your life right here and now.

This ending song shows us that Logan has grown so much, and came to be happy at the end of the story. He’s come to understand himself, the others, Thomas, and the whole world so much better than ever before and is better for it. From this point on, things will surely be different, but now he has everything he needs to face anything that may come his way. He can rely on his knowledge, but also trust that he has his friends at his side, that he has their support. He knows Thomas values him and what he has to say, and that he can tell him when things are tough, when he needs him to listen.

He is heard. He is loved. And he loves in turn, all without having to do anything but be himself.

Something I absolutely adore about these last few songs on the playlist is that even though Logan is doing better now, after everything he’s gone through, he’s not showing this newfound satisfaction and happiness in the ways that you’d expect of most people. He’s doing it his own way, the way he likes doing it, and he’s thriving for it!

He prefers to work alone, having the time to think and contemplate strategies and plans without interruption. He likes reading in a quiet room, exploring fascinating new worlds and concepts all on his own. He likes sharing what he’s learned, and being relied upon for his knowledge, given the opportunity to explain ideas to others in the hopes that it will fascinate them and encourage them to learn more themselves.

He's not changing himself to do what others want of him. He’s not trying to fit some mold, to be okay by anyone else’s standards. He’s just…being Logan. And that’s everything I could ever want for him.

This playlist has involved such an amazing journey for Logan; it’s a story told through something humans will always love to share – music!

It showed us every crucial moment of Logan's arc, from what we've already seen in the show to what we know is bound to come next. It's clear that Logan has so much more to learn, especially from the other sides, who will be able to understand him once they finally try to communicate effectively and work together for Thomas and for themselves. The situation will improve, they will be happy, someday.

Someday, we’ll get to see the real conclusion to this character’s story, and until then, we can hold out hope for a good ending.

#logan sanders #sanders sides analysis #sanders sides #ts logan #logan angst #long post #like extremely long post #this is basically a very long winded way of saying that i hc logan as the biggest brooder to ever brood #so very broody and angsty #also yes i genuinely just write like this naturally and used to always be called a walking thesaurus #if you need clarification on anything i am always glad to extrapolate on my thoughts #especially because there was so much more i wanted to say here but i needed to reel it in haha #orbs thought bubbles #oh one last thing - i transcribed these lyrics myself in this post bc most websites were so incredibly wrong with these

[loveselenade]

Madoka 1.5

Since I’m watching PMMM for the first time (with a lot of it spoiled due socmed lol), I figured it’d be fun to write my thoughts so far, 1.5 episodes in. It goes without saying, but don't send me any further spoilers, as this is only fun if I can manage to remain as ignorant as I am now.

Things I knew before hand:

-Kyubey is a bastard.

-It has Shinbo Akiyuki's artistic sensibilities all over it (reason I started watching, tho I'm unclear what exactly his involvement in this is lol). Also, Urobuchi Gen is the main writer for this lol

-Madoka dies.

-Madoka is the paragon of good.

-Lesbian Satan.

-Homura has catholic guilt??

-Someone's backstory involves a brother or something.

-Guns

-Time loop.

-Jewel seeds but evil (this only makes sense if you've watched Nanoha, sorry lol)

-Witches

-Madoka saved a cat

---

--

-

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Illusory motion.

[image id: top view of a monochromatic, distorted staircase that looks like a spiral.]

An upwards climb or a downward spiral? The irregular curving of the stories and the pattern alternance sure makes it look like it's spiraling inward. As our lace curtain lifts so the play can begin, this is our first look at the kind of world that awaits us.

[image id: gif showing a close up to Madoka's legs and then a panoramic top view as she runs through a monochromatic hallway with a chessboard pattern]

I don’t have a lot to say about the witches’ labyrinths yet, but I’m always a sucker for dreamscapes (I loved them dearly in Flip Flappers, where they had the incredible work of Studio Pablo strengthening the storybook look), and I’m assuming the labyrinths symbolize something about the interiority or the difficulties the witch in question faced. I don’t have a lot to go by with the two labyrinths in episode one, but I did love the glimpse of the one we get in the opening sequence. I love the effect that it creates when alternating between panoramic shots or extreme close-ups to Madoka’s legs and back as she runs—respectively making her look too small against this overwhelming set piece or claustrophobically trapped in her impotence. As the camera moves along, there’s a sensation that the different patterns in the floors are moving. Because of the way we perceive depth via ascertaining the apparent parallelism or convergence of lines and value/color contrast, among other things, the pattern alternance in this monochrome set piece creates illusions of either motion or that each row is a step more elevated than the other. It’s a properly trippy place. I enjoy it. The straight white for the lighting and tiles creates an artificial and alienating atmosphere. The uniformity of its looks is disorienting. Is Madoka going the right way?  It’s really a fantastic introduction to the world of Madoka Magica.

The path you must follow has been prepared for you.

[image id: A green, flourescent exit sign is centered in the screen, hanging above a dark path framed by silver chain fence]

Despite the disorienting feeling, Madoka follows mostly straight paths and there's a clearly labeled, correct exit. This brings to mind the predetermined paths present in Revolutionary Girl Utena's imagery.

Additionally, I find the way Madoka’s run is boarded reminiscent to Utena’s chase after Anthy in Adolescence of Utena:

[image id: gif showing a panoramic view of of landscape shwoered in sunset lighting and red, square pillars towering over the space. Utena, looking tiny, runs further into the place.]

[Image id: gif showing a top down view of a long monochromatic corridor with chessboard pattern that Madoka, a mere pink dot in the screen, crosses running. The corridor is right in the middle of the screen and surrounded by different equally black and white mandalas that turn slightly.]

We get panoramic overhead shots emphasizing the disorienting, geometrical maze and the impotence of our heroines' tiny figure against them.

Before reaching their destination, they both cross a stairs-bridges of sorts; Utena, towards the dueling arena where Anthy waits for her to continue the dueling cycle with Utena as champion; Madoka, towards the foyer where she can find her exit to where Homura is struggling against another hopeless, fighting cycle, one which Madoka choses to perpetuate when making a contract with Kyubey…

[Image ids:

The image to the left shows shows a stich of two Adolescence of Utena's screenshots: the one on top showing Utena crossing a bridge; due the top down angle and the inclination of the bridge, the planks on the bridge look like stairwells. The image on the bottom shows Utena crossing the bridge against the creamy, pinkish sunset sky. The bridge railing is shown a black silhoutte in the foreground.

The image to the right is a stich of two monocrohmatic Madoka Magika episode one screenshots: the on the the top shows Madoka crossing a corridor, the foreground is dominated by abstract geometric shapes. The one on the bottom shows Madoka going up an ample stair well, and the surrounding walls have a similar geometric patterning.]

Absolute Reality.

[Image id: Predominantly black and white screenshot showing a dark tree on the foreground and black debri flyaing around. A little to the right of the middle line stands Madoka, with Kyubey sitting on top of some fallen pillar. The subtittles are Madoka's dialogue and read: "Can I really do something to help?"]

The offer that tempts Madoka into a contract is the promise of agency. She can’t stand the reality where there is nothing she can do, thus it's the promise she does actually have power to influence the narrative and help others and stop their suffering what Kyubey dangles in front of her. Madoka feels deeply moved by the pain of others and has a strong empathetic response that makes it very easy for her to be preyed upon by our resident ugly cat here. It’s detrimental to her. Maybe Homura has a point in reversing her wish to be the divine embodiment of Goodness. 

It’s then interesting that she expresses disappointment upon waking up not only in the premiere but in episode 02, as well. Her waking up animation might as well become bank during this introductory arc (I’m betting it does, can’t wait to be wrong). When confronted with the thought the world her senpai Mami introduced to her, one of great danger but also apparently fulfilling and actualizing, Madoka expresses disappointment. Even though she has a happy, easygoing life full of friends and family that love her and that she loves in return, there is something else she is looking for.

Confronting your own humble plainness again.

[Image id: Screenshot of Madoka's room dimly lit. Madoka is drawn towards the bottom left edge, hunching and hugging her huge body plush with a beleagered expression.]

Appearances, facades.

Trained confidence. 

[Image id: Screenshot showing makeup labelled with numbers, as if to indicate the order of steps.]

Following Madoka’s "dream", we learn about her homelife anchored around her interactions with her mother as they talk about the love lives of the people around Madoka, contrasted to Madoka's own assertion that no one has an eye on her. Their whole bathroom conversation could be characterized as "girl talk": they go on about love and the need to maintain an appealing image as means to reach it. I could easily accuse this scene of being sexist (and it did rub me the wrong way initially), but the dialogue is naturalistic enough to paint a trusting, warm bond between mother and daughter; plus the repetition of the make-up motif in the second episode while interspersed with Mami's explanation draws attention to themes of appearance and desire.

A remark that can easily be taken as reinforcing gender essentialism lol

[Image id: Screenshot showing the sinks at the foreground barely visible at the bottom edge, with Madoka and her mother in front of them. Madoka is holding her red ribbons with her left hand hesitantly, while her mother has her hands over her hips, talkig matter-of-factly: "A woman's appearance is the one thing she can't afford to get looked down at."]

The contrast in the way mother and daughter carry themselves is apparent. When Madoka relays her reports about her homeroom teacher's love life, her more experienced mother offers keen observations about the possible state of the relationship. Where Madoka takes things at face value, her mother can see deeper. The same applies to the image they project to the world— where her mother has a set (numbered) method to achieve her ideal image, Madoka fumbles and fusses about her ribbon choice and not being seen as too much. The frame pan showcasing the end result has Madoka standing timidly with her hands folded over her lap and her back reflection shown in three different angles in the background mirrors, as if she's being thoroughly scrutinized. While her mother confidently observes her reflection in the mirror, Madoka shrinks at being observed.

[Image id: Screenshot showing Madoka in the middle with a dopey and hesitant expression and her arms drawn close. Her reflections are shown in the mirrors in the background.]

I can't say that Madoka’s self-confidence is worryingly low given what we’ve been presented with—while she lacks the self-assurance her mother possesses, she doesn’t seem particularly self-deprecating. While her affirmation that no one looks her way reflects that self-consciousness, Madoka doesn't further put herself down. Instead, it could simply be that she's a teenager only now discovering her identity, what she's comfortable with, what she wants and what place can she carve for herself in this world. Her mother advises her to train the image and behaviors of someone confident as a first step to grow more certain of herself. The scene places emphasis on the process of purposefully building the image you project, which becomes relevant as episode two's layouts play with a reflection motif around talks of desire. 

While thinking back on Kyubey’s proposal of granting them one wish in exchange of risking their lives, Madoka ponders about what she wants. Her waffling contrasts to her mother’s immediate, cutting  response concerning pragmatic concerns from her work life when Madoka echoes the question to her. Although, of course, her mother lacks the whole context that makes the decision heightened, Madoka’s roof talk with Kyubey and Sayaka reinforces that there isn’t anything she wishes for that strongly. Yet. 

Additionally, when Madoka proposes a bigger ambition to her mother (“Wouldn’t you rather become CEO yourself?”), the image her mother projects into the mirror changes drastically into a more fierce and dangerous look, complete with the repetition of her labeled make-up symbol. This ties a connection between the image people project and what they desire. And just like Madoka has a rather inhibited persona, so do her desires appear mild.

This takes us to Mami, their helpful senpai.

A slightly distorted image seen from below the glass table totally screams trustworthy.

[Image ID: Screenshot of Mami drawn in a low angle, showing her sitting with her legs neatly folded under her backside and her hands resting on her lap. Despite the sunset light filtering through the windows, she's very dimly lit. Most of her image, from the waist up, is shown slightly distorted as its filtered through the glass of the table. The table legs curve outwards and frame her the image in a strange way. The subtitles present her offer: "You should see for yourself what it's like to do battle with witches."]

Knowing the spoilers that Homura is trying to save Madoka from death via time loops and preventing her from forming a contract with Kyubey has an interesting effect— that is, it casts suspicion over other characters. Mami is the helpful senpai that shows up in the nick of time to save them from the witch, heals Kyubey, explains the situation to them and even promises to protect them from Homura at school. She also offers to show them the fieldwork so they can make up their mind about whether to become contracted! The earlier, careful portrayal around purposeful appearances and the reflection motif repeating during their talk can’t be coincidence. Clearly, she wants to be seen as someone who’s dependable, and whether this has more sinister implications or is stemming from personal wishes is unclear to me yet. Mami feels more like Kyubey’s sales associate than anything else. “You can come observe” it’s the pitch you give someone unsure whether to join a club so you can lure them further in. She’s encouraging them to take on a responsibility that can have rather grim outcomes, despite her early assertion that magical girls don’t necessarily work together to reap the rewards of fighting witches—a statement that further reinforces the narrative of Homura as an antagonistic force to our young heroines. Mami either is very upstanding and thinks it’s a duty they should take on since they were chosen or there is something deeply fishy going on here.

For all intents and purposes, Mami is a completely separate entity to our young heroines, not unlike Homura. She’s the one who’s a magical girl already, they’re the uninitiated. They sit on the same side of the table, opposite to her. This shot emphasizes their separation through the black leg of that foreground furniture.

There’s clearly a lot we don’t know about her.

[Image id: screenshot showing Mami's living room. There's sunset light still filtering in, but the room is mostly dimly lit. Mami is on the side of the wall, so she's in the shade. They're sitting at the table, Madoka and Sayaka together on the same side and visually opposite to Mami. The black legs of a furniture are shown in the foreground, creating a strong visual barrier between Mami and her juniors.]

Isn’t it just so fun how this reflection shot obscures her face? Like she’s covering it with her hands in sorrow. Seems charged that it coincides with her explanation about witches causing suicide and murder, does she know of someone who was a victim of them? OR better yet, someone who became One?

I know that magical girls become witches in this series, which also poses interesting possibilities…

[Image id: Screenshot showing Mami's lap with her hands resting on top of it as she sits in front of the table. Because of the top angle, the reflection of her face shows dimly on the glass table. Her face overlaps her hands. The subtitles read: Many of the inexplicable suivides and murders that occur..."]

Are my suspicions on Mami’s intentions totally off-mark? I have no idea, but it’s incredibly fun to doubt her  lol

Speaking of despair lore, I usually raise my eyebrow—think it’s full of shit— when there’s worldbuilding that links suicide and violence to supernatural entities; it’s a run-of-the-mill battle shonen explanation, Noragami also uses it with Ayakashi as amalgamation of negative feelings and energy from the people of the places they haunt. Now, this could still work on an allegorical sense of how oppressive environments lead to such emotional outcomes, since most stories don’t engage with the structural causes of such problems… It can be that, or end up attributing a metaphysical cause as the source of all darkness without even so much extending understanding and sympathy to the people who suffer from it. Where does Madoka Magica fall, I wonder…

Blessed fools.

A pained smile framed behind by bars, a surefire sign that someone isn’t totally trapped. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Sakaya's back with her face turned in profile towards the right. She's smiling ambigously and her right hand is holding to the white chain wall that dominates the background against the bright daylight sky. The subtittles read: "Well... Maybe the pair of us are just fools?"]

Given our young heroines lack of direction, ardent ambitions or anguishing desires, Sayaka muses that perhaps the fact they don’t have anything they’d die for is a sign they’re blessed fools. This rings true for Madoka. She’s a happy kid with a supportive family and friends. Despite her longing for something more—her own agency? confidence? Romantic love?—, there doesn’t seem to be anything that is making her actively miserable. Her mild adolescent ennui is not necessarily something pernicious and would’ve likely resolved itself as she experienced and tackled more challenges in her life with the guidance and support of her family. This whole business paints more ill-fated for her (and I mean, I know it is. What a tragedy, hers).

But is this true for Sayaka? This brief shot with its ominous red sky and its bedridden figure shrouded in darkness begs to differ… The fact she feels guilty over being chosen, thinking there’s people who’d make use of a miracle much better than them makes me think it’s rather someone she knows… Is this her motivation to get into Kyubey’s magical girl agency? I don’t have a lot to go by…

[Image ID: Screenshot representing a short-haired person in bed shown facing right . Most of the shapes are represented as black silhouttes, sans the translucent curtains and the ominous red sky framed by the window. The subtittles read "We've been so blessed.."]

Sayaka and homoeroticism.

Welcome back, Shinohara Wakaba. 

[Image id: Screenshot showing Madoka, Sayaka and their irrelevant friend Hitomi at the park. Sayaka is hugging a slouching Madoka from the back, saying "You must be my bride, Madoka!".]

The Girl Talk in episode one continues as we follow Madoka’s commute to school with her two friends: the blue one, the to-be Magical Girl, Sayaka and this one random girl that I'm surprised it's even there. The banter and physicality to Sayaka and Madoka’s interactions is fun and warm, selling their chemistry as friends. And near the end, Sayaka playfully proclaims Madoka must be with her, which immediately brought to mind Revolutionary Girl Utena’s Shinohara Wakaba's own ambiguous, very physically affectionate date-play with Utena. 

Rather than being a maiden in the sidelines, however, Sayaka is positioned as Madoka’s protector against Homura. Given Homura is fighting to be Madoka’s silent protector herself, this is unbelievably funny to me. When Madoka finds Homura's staring off-putting during P.E., she hides behind Sayaka. When Madoka— with Kyubey in her arms— is alone facing the inscrutable, darkness-shrouded, threatening Homura, the one who shows up to save her is Sayaka. When they're alone within the creepy labyrinth, Sayaka protectively embraces Madoka. When Madoka is worried that Homura might try to attack them at school, Sayaka offers to punch Homura. This antagonistic placing of Madoka's two protectors is hilarious, and I'm curious to see if the dynamic fizzles out as we delve into Sayaka's innermost wishes and struggles or if the tension will boil over into something interesting.

'Get behind me, Madoka! I got the fire extinguisher!' 

Such a hilarious way to break the tension.

[Image id: Screenshot showing Madoka and Sayaka in a dark parking lot, with most of the background shrouded in shadows. Sayaka is holding a fire extinguisher that she's shooting towards the left, and Madoka stands behind her, holding Kyubey.]

Even their sitting order in class positions Madoka behind Sayaka lmao Does Sayaka have a thing for Madoka or just a hero complex? 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Madoka and Sayaka sitting in their classrooom. Sayaka is shown sitting a row in front of Madoka, a column to the left. Madoka is holding Kyubey in her arms. The subtittles read: "If she tries anything on you, I'll punch her lights out!"]

The show acknowledges the homoeroticism between the two in a tongue-in-cheek manner during their commute in episode 2, when their normie friend feels put off by the apparent intimacy of their silent (telepathic) communication:

"You've been staring so intently into each other's eyes… What on earth did you do after I left yesterday?!"

This girl is too homophobic to become a magical girl, smh. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Sayaka, Madoka and their friend Hitomi drawn in profile at the park. Sayaka and Madoka are positioned on the left side of the screen, with a tree in the background subtly serving as visual barrier between Madoka and Sayaka. Madoka is slouched and halfheartedly reaching to Hitomi. Hitomi is positioned on the right side of the screen, with her hand to her heart and running towards the left. Her dialogue reads: "Don't you see that it's a love that can never beeee?!"]

Madoka points out that their normie friend's remarks sound a lot like what Sayaka tells to her on a regular basis, lending credence to my Wakaba comparison lol This gag could simply be an acknowledgement of the charged homoeroticism present in the series, but it still amuses me so far a lot of it has circled around Sayaka and Madoka. 

Akemi Homura

Her soundless, despaired scream as she catches sight of Madoka with Kyubey was so cinematic ❤️

[Image id: gif showing a zoom out of Homura's face as she screams. She's resting on a tree branch that's represented as a black silhouette, with debris floating around represented in the same way.]

Speaking of homoeroticism, it's time to talk about Homura. I actually felt a little sad that I already know about her motivations because she's so incredibly off-putting, I'd have had a lot of fun speculating about the meaning of her actions, the way she's framed and the meticulous way her micro expressions are portrayed. However, it's not like there isn't still some room to have fun reading into them. She enters the picture via the classic transfer student trope. From her introduction alone, she creates an awkward atmosphere with the way the standoffish silence lingers due her laconicism. 

Despite her aloof demeanor, and in pure transfer-student fashion, Homura still stands out both in academics and physical feats (she even breaks the regional high jump record lol!); as such garners the attention of her peers. Nonetheless, she couldn't be more uninterested in them, as the one she can't keep her eyes off is Madoka. Her taciturn, blank-faced and cutting demeanor can paint her staring as downright aggressive. This is further reinforced by being color coded with the darkest values in the cast so far: black and purple are her signature colors, classic villain palette. 

Her conversation with Madoka as she rehashes the "could you show me where the infirmary is" routine is the big standout of hers in episode one —the tropey nature of this encounter makes it very easy to imagine how their first interactions went down the first time—. The low angle that emphasizes her head tilt and the accentuated shadows on her face and body make her look haughty and intimidating.

She's literally staring down Madoka lol Worth noting this same framing is repeated as she warns Madoka in a few minutes, complete with rotating animation for gravitas, contributing to Homura's bad vibes. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Homura's face and shoulders slightly turned to the right side of the screen. The right side of her face is heavily shadowed and so are her shoulders. She's looking down on the viewer. Her dialogue reads: "May I ask you to accompany me?"]

While one could think that the reason she approached Madoka was to issue her warning, I'm actually not that certain. It could be due the way her anguished reactions to being around Madoka make her look quite erratic as she tortures herself with these distorted echoes of her memories—but I also have to point out the abrupt way she brings the interaction to a halt, stomping and suddenly turning. The way she behaves through the whole interaction feels quite impulsive, which gave me the impression of Homura purposefully trying to recreate the past (whether out of indulgence or to torture herself, I'm not really sure).

It's really fun the way this obscured close-up to her profile hiding her eyes— making it difficult to parse her emotions— paired to how the next highlighted extreme close-ups have her clenching her teeth led credence to the "Homura is a hostile party" narrative. Personally, the timing is what gets me. She reacts deeply upset to the fact Madoka politely yet impersonally addresses her as "Akemi-san" lol This girl was in the trenches. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Homura's shadowed profile facing left. She is holding her face up, seemingly imperious and her mouth is tightly shut.]

The way the timing makes it seem like she's really pissed at Madoka’s remark that her name is weird + subsequent fumbling is very funny lol I wouldn't say she's not upset from it, but mostly in the "it's painful to be around you" way. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing a extreme close up to Homura's clenched mouth, as she lowers her face. There's heavy shading on the left side of her face and lens flare coming from the right side of her face.]

There's a lot of natural verticals in the panels of their classrooms and the windows they transverse that create visual divisions between the two. I found it particularly noteworthy that while there's a natural sense of distance and awkwardness between the them, Homura is the one who accentuates it and fully brings herself to the other side of the threshold when she suddenly skips forward ahead from Madoka. The idea she's intentionally cultivating a distance between the two is very intriguing and appealing…

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Homura and Madoka facing left as they walk through the corridor with blue window panes. There's a particular wide vertical division in between Madoka and Homura, placed more or less in the middle of the screen. Homura is on the left side of the screen, but closer to the blue vertical division. Madoka is falling behind, with more white space between her and the middle.]

Their sitting order reinforces this idea, situating Homura all the way to the front, completely out of reach. 

[Image ID: Screenshot showing Homura sitting in the front row, looking back at Madoka's seat.]

They look fully at odds with each other thanks to the high contrast between the bright windows and the shaded frames. The dark values to their visual barriers fully bring out the tension brought by Homura's sudden halt-and-turn as she issues her warning. Homura is framed as thoroughly oppositional to Madoka, and she herself doesn't bother to correct any misunderstandings. It's pretty interesting she's fine with being vilified if it might grant her any slight chance to get what she wants.

[Image ID: screenshot showing Homura and Madoka drawn in a symmetrical composition, separated visually by the regular window panes. Homura is drawn towards the left edge of the screen, facing right and standing imperiously. Madoka is drawn on the right side of the screen, towards the edge as well, slightly slouched and in a timid pose. Subtittles show Madoka's dialogue: "Yes, really! I couldn't lie about that."]

Homura's dead-eyed ominous warning vs Mami's personable, smiling offer of support, fight!  But this is truly why I can't trust Mami lol Should you really be tacitly encouraging them, Yellow Senpai? A cutting warning really seems more befitting here…

[Image ID: Extreme close up to Homura's blank left eye with the right side of her face being heavily shaded. The subtittles read: "Because if you do, you will end up losing all of those things.]  

Odd ends. 

There's a lot of small gestures that really bring out charm to the interactions and feelings, but if I pointed out absolutely everything, I'd never finish this lol 

There's one thing from the Madoka-wakes-up Bank I do want to point out, though: the odd feeling Madoka’s head turn with the hard shading gives me. Now, I know it's a Shaft™ thing, I've watched another TV series directed by Shinbo that was produced there and I've heard of it. But I still find the timing peculiar— after the opening sequence with her running to the rooftop in episode one and the brief recap with Mami's transformation in the second, just before she wakes up. Of course, this reinforces that sense of being at the verge of waking up from an odd dream, which Madoka fully believes, but it can also get a sense of deja vu. Typically, one would assume that Madoka’s run towards the rooftop is a glimpse to an event that will happen later down the line. But given the nature of this being a time loop and Homura's insistence on preventing Madoka’s death via preventing her contract altogether, which it's implied to happen in that sequence, I don't think there isn't any reason to think that it's not something that didn't already happen. If this ends up being the case, I'm curious how that'd affect further loops.

Tell me your secrets, you pink little one. 

[Screenshot showing a extreme close up to Madoka's eyes facing towards the left. Her face is drawn almost facing front, leaning towards the right. There's heavy shading on her face and a black background.]

Expectations for the rest of the introductory arc:

-Second half of episode 2 will end in a cliffhanger that'll destabilize routine while they fight a new witch. 

-Said cliffhanger will involve Mami (I HOPE IT DOES). I'm suspicious of her and hope she does something terrible, but I think it's equally, if not more, likely that something terrible happens to Her lol

-🤷🏻‍♂️

Hmm that's it. I'm not very good at imagining scenarios lol 

I'm also half-expecting to be wrong about nothing making Madoka miserable, mostly because I've been obsessing over Takamachi Nanoha, another seemingly well-loved, normal kid who turned out to have Important Baggage lol

#pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #madoka kaname #Homura Akemi #Sayaka pmmm #Mami pmmm #so this post made me discover that the image limit is 30 pictures LMFAO #anyway i'm dead and i'm tired. I get it now. I need to save a back up of my file and images and write the img ids as i go #i'm dead #long post #like extremely long post #Mami Tomoe

[whisper-and-tangle]

Trick or yeet?

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#long post #like EXTREMELY long post

[sansebastinae]

a maintenance worker surveys a problematic pipe in the basements of hangar 7. // 3200

I love lowercase letters. dont go sending emails to random people now! mild horror, no explicit stuff. for the sake of your sanity and tumblr scrolling, why not just read it on my blog or on a PC? it really is long.

FWD: ATTN : PIPE INSPECTION REQUIRED IN BASEMENT LEVEL 3

From : RED BULL GMBH ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT, Mathias Mischa <[email protected]>,<[email protected]>

to: me <[email protected]> date : 16:34 , August 3 2023

Technician required in Hangar-7 Basement 3. Routine inspection of pipes from July 30.  

Valeri

same pipes as July 30, just a check on whether they are working. You can grab a guy if you want.  piping maps are the same, but attached in PDF below as usual. you can report directly to my office or send an email whichever is easier for you in three days…….. sorry, next shift is also preoccupied with another section. :-( 

Regards,

Mathias

—---

MATHIAS MISCHA |TEAMMASTER 02, RED BULL GMBH ENGINEERING DEPT.

// 16:35 ------------------------

‎‎The soft ding from the laptop spooked the poor technician who was riveted to the article on his browser tab. A few moments passed before he grumbled audibly. That is the third time in the last few weeks I have to go down there… We already have to do a routine inspection. What the fuck? He was starting to wonder if the Michelin Star Restaurant in that building was starting to cook and present some forest monster from Schwarzenberg nearby. 

And alone? That went against every single safety precaution known to man. Mathias, you’ve worked for Red Bull for twenty years, but you don’t even care about that huh.

He fucking hated that tunnel, and he didn’t feel like waiting, might as just get it over and done with.

It took him another three seconds to realise that the email was sent an hour before he was scheduled to clock out of his shift. Pretty rude of them to send an email so close to the end of the work hour too…bastards. Can’t let a man read his horror stories in peace!

Thankfully, past him had the diligence of putting away his tools neatly.  He scooped up the navy and red duffel bag from the corner of his office and made his way easily down to the great glass building 2 streets away…would be what he would’ve said, if not for the absolute rainstorm right outside. He scrambled back in, cursing and swearing under his breath as he ran back up to his office room to grab his big umbrella and company jacket. Gotta thank them for making a solid jacket, but still, fuck them for making him do this.  He looked up at the gloomy sky before starting his brisk walk to the eye-catching glass architecture of Hangar-7.

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The underworkings of Hangar-7 was the very least, really odd, and at worst, a kind of maze. Maybe it was in his imagination but in his fifteen years of working as a technician for structural stuff all over the country, he hadn’t seen one as weird as the glass building belonging to Mateschitz. Then again, anything made or promoted by him or his, y’know, entire company, was weird. Who thought that sticking a Formula 1 car on the side of a cliff was a good idea? Or an entire bungee jumping competition? Aerobatics? What’s a drink got to do with Aerobatics? He was never in it for any of the F1 fame and frankly, having watched a race in person, he didn’t feel it was worth the price. The questions asking him whether he ever got to see the racers never ended though. 

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// 16: 55 ------------------------

He flashed his pass to the old security guy, and after a tense few seconds, was waved through and allowed to the maintenance hallways. He could feel the guard staring at the back of his head even after he closed the door behind him. This wasn’t the guard that was there the last time, but he sure gave the exact same vibe as the previous two - total distrust. Must be part of the job, he wondered.

tink tink tink….the hurried patter of rain on the glass.

The first basement floor of the maintenance areas were pretty well lit and actually really neat, thanks to the combination of,well, lights, and glass letting the outside in. He could still see the rain from here. He had to say, pretty cool and forward thinking engineering.  Basement 1 was where most of the important stuff was located, and really, that’s usually where all the work would be. Not today however.

The soft patter of rain was completely shut out when Valeri reached the end of the corridor tunnel and headed to the door with stairs leading directly down to the third basement. Man, he thought. I hate this part. The atmosphere completely contrasted with the modern look of Basement 1 – rusty and creaky were the words that came to his mind as he made his way slowly down the dimly lit, steep but wide stairwell. His colleague had also remarked on the condition of the place the last two times they were here. It was weird, and even he had his fair share of traversing janky dubious tunnels in his career around Austria.

BASEMENT 3. AUTHORISED STAFF ONLY -

Well, that was the door alright.  Text spray painted with a stencil.

Last he came here, he had notified the management of the poor lighting of the tunnel, and had almost tripped over whatever that was going down here. They had acknowledged it, and promised to work on it as soon as possible. Valeri wasn’t going to take any chances this time and took out his stronger torchlight, clicking it on. He turned on his helmet light as well, before pushing down on the bar that served as the hinge. 

As expected, the tunnel was, well, not well lit. In fact, it seemed darker than the last two times before, and oddly, feeling worse. Was it always this way? Maybe they had scheduled the lighting personnel to come at a later date and this pipe decided it was a good time to screw things up. Either situation, still dark. So that is a fantastic development, especially that he was alone.

He walked deeper into the tunnels, the stale air and humidity stinking up the place. He made sure he could see the painted numbers and signs on the wall, and referencing it to the slightly sad and soggy printout of the map from the email. Valeri was impressed with how quickly the ink had smudged just from a bit of rain - some of the numbers were barely visible at that point, pink ink mixed with cyan and whatever. The circle he drew with a red pen, too, was slowly cascading down the paper with every moment that passed. Valeri, of course, was not pleased.

Thankfully he navigated the route cleanly enough, and managed to find the same thin pipe that was the source of all the problems, at the farthest ends of Basement 3’s tunnels, which was a squalid dead end, horribly darker than the rest. Whatever lamps that were being used here felt more like a mockery than actual help. Brushing his gloved hand along the pipe,  he found the troublemaker kink that was supposed to be fixed a couple of weeks ago.

 Valeri visibly frowned on realising that the fixes that were done hadn’t worked. He didn’t have the full tools as before obviously - just here to check if they functioned. He quickly made a note of it on the back of his printed map as a precaution ---

- ‘leaking again bolt area  - joints - may require heavy maintennce - close rstrnt?

Alright, that was more than enough. Remembering the details was easier anyway when you weren’t being distracted by the strange sickly-sweet iron stench of this not-really sewer.. A cursory glance at the other pipes revealed nothing else of note, aside from typical grime and the leaking orange substance --

Hold on. Orange? Valeri jerked his head up to look at the pipe again. This was a brand new development and he was already dreading the report he had to write. He obviously couldn’t feel it through his padded gloves, but it was slimy, and prone to gelling, and the source of the new alarming smell. It couldn’t be sludge or whatever sewer stuff and he hurriedly pocketed the pen and paper, hoping that he wouldn’t have to stay around any longer for any longer, grabbing his duffel and making a blind beeline right for what he felt was exit as he whispered the zone where the exit was located ; “B3-Z6, B3-Z6, B3-Z6…”walking right into another dead end, and Valeri was staring right into a wall where the pipes ended. Checking the map, he felt his temples throb a bit at his own stupidity.

There was no B3-Z6; the ink had simply smeared down connecting the 5 into a 6, and Z5 was in another end of the Basement. Fuck.

He held his breath, trying not to yell, only letting out a long sigh through his gritted teeth over how blind he was. He leaned against one of the pipes in the corner, letting himself take a good look at his surroundings in the dim light.

And then the pipe moved in a little. 

The speed at which Valeri moved away from the wall in fear was understated, and he traced the offending pipe that moved, before having his fear turn into confusion. 

The entire section of the wall that he had leaned in was not a wall - rather, it was an extremely well concealed door with thin yellow pipes that had no function. Gently handling them had no effect - it did not budge, but when he pushed it down, the door groaned and swung in, revealing a terrifyingly steep metal staircase down with no lighting, save for a small light winking erratically in the dark. Shining his light down felt pointless - the inky darkness just absorbed it.

Nothing and no one had any mention of this door. He had been working for the Red Bull company for a good three and a half years, and all the maps to the various places around the city were well documented and labelled. This was not one of them and the map had nothing of note about this section. 

To anyone else, they would simply be bolting out of the area at that very moment. Unfortunately, Valeri found himself very rational and massively intrigued by this entire complex. Gingerly, he stepped a foot at a time to test its structural integrity, and upon finding that it was safe, descended down, but not before dumping his duffel to make sure the door did not close, and only carrying his torch with him.

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// 17:27 ------------------------

“Valeri! Whaddup!”

A man by the name of Jann walked into the office with his drink, fully prepared for his shift. This simple routine was broken by the obvious lack of his co-worker’s reply, or presence for that matter, alongside the general state of affairs of his table. A remnant of a sandwich wrapper was hastily left, and the man snorted. Is he still around? Not like him to stay til it was truly the end of his shift.

Jann stole a glance at Valeri’s PC, being the nebby person he was. That one busted pipe again and …an Austrian tabloid site about weird unsolved cases. ‘...human remains found in highly unusual places in and around the three Germanic-speaking Countries…not really human parts…’ Since when was he into this shit?

Whatever. I need my shit for later. The thought of his colleague was promptly put to the back of his mind as he went back out to his own locker for his own tools.

.

.

.

The logical assumption was that he was in the sewer tunnels of Salzburg at this point. But the air was not the overwhelming stench of grease and waste he knew of; to his curiosity, but rather…of clinics. Unless there was a clinic that he hadn’t known of that had terribly bad disposal practices, this all pointed to “a bad idea”. But they were on the extreme outskirts, and the medical bay wasn’t even close to being near Hangar 7. And yet he was following that smell because frankly, there weren’t any other routes down here.

The technician had no idea how far down he was at this point. He had long left the stairwell into an equally badly lit metal stairway. It was notable to him that everything down here felt ‘neat’. He had looked at his gloves and the odd cleanliness confirmed it, getting him to wonder how long - or recently - this place had been built. The pipes were dead silent, a stark contrast to the constant drone of gas and liquids of Basement 3. He hated that he could almost hear the ringing in his ears.

.

.

.

‘Disposal’ . Now that room was going to bode well for him certainly. He considered leaving it knowing it would be locked like the others, but the little squeaks of the door hinge said otherwise, baffling him. 

Still somewhere, at least.

The apparent smallness of the room was obvious the moment he stepped in and was greeted by a shelf four steps away.  The stains on the floor lit by his torch was enough to inform him it was clearly trash water stains.

And then Valeri looked past the first shelf directly into the eyes of a head smiling right at him.

Or the lack of its eyes, in this case.

Valeri screamed, sending his torch  clattering to the floor. The beam’s frantic movement did not help as he properly perceived the unknown shelved objects lit up by the beam – forearms, feet, torsos, heads, hair, red lines – He scrambled backwards and right out of the door, and into the hallway– 

Nononononopenopenopenopenope—

He had run to the opposite end of the corridor steps. He wanted away, wherever the fuck. The voids were clear in his mind’s eye and he wanted it gone.

Direction did not matter, and when he finally gained his wits, he realised he was not in the vicinity of Disposal,, but the set of stairs on the other end of the corridor. 

All his lights were off. He didn’t remember when. But he would be thankful for it, when he heard the clanking of footsteps from above and chose to hide in the darkness with the safety of his dark hoodie. Praying wasn’t enough, as Valeri held his breath and shut his eyes so tightly it hurt.

Tnk….tnk….tnk….

.

.

.

‘Hold it properly, I’m gonna open the door.’ The sound of the hinge hunking and opening, and a pause.

‘……//what the hell, why is it a mess? fucking Stein...’

Valeri opened one eye. As his muddy vision solved itself, he made out two figures in weird medical suits in front the room he had just run out of. One of them carried what was unmistakably a body, but without its head. 

He stifled a choke of disgust, unsure whether it was from the scene, or the overwhelming medical stench.

In a beat, the one outside carrying the headless body threw it in.  There was no care whatsoever, no regard, until he heard the barely perceptible conversation become clearer as they headed closer back to the stairs they came back from.

“How… cking bodies did they make? ”

“After that Seb guy retired. Had to remove everything. Burn, trash, whatever. ‘No more Vessels’. ”

“Which Seb, there are like, four...five.”

“Vettel. Some  program years ago, but just started to take out the trash after that big old guy died.” A pause. “Fuck that other old man too, creepy-ass one eye. Said they still kept one though…”

He waited a minute more, hearing the last garbled words of “...not even having a wiki pic”. making sure of complete silence before leaving the safety of his space and bolted his way back from where he came. It made no sense whatsoever, sounded fucking wrong, but he had enough of it, and he had enough of parts, he’d enough about weird shit, he just wanted to not fix that fucking pipe anymore. 

Back up the steel rusty staircase. 

Up the tunnels. 

Up the stairwell, until he saw the duffel bag that loyally kept the cursed door open. Valeri grabbed it, and hightailed it back the right way this time. B3-Z3, Z2, Z1, and he tanked the door open, almost falling over with the full force of his body just trying to get the fuck away from Basement 3, up, up , up to Basement 1  and his face right into the of the guard from earlier.

“What took you so long? Isn’t it just an inspection?”

The guard was not amused at the sight of the technician, who looked right out from a sewer. Valeri wanted to tell him about everything below, but it sounded utterly stupid and would get him dragged out the premises and his job permanently.

“.......i just tried running up the stairs." oof.

“............That’s what I thought. You techies barely do jack anyway. This section is going to be off limits, closing time and all. Hurry along.” The guard walked off, leaving Valeri to be alone.

It was for the best really. But he had noticed something when he said it. It didn’t feel like that guy’s first time, either.

.

.

.

// 18:00 ------------------------

“Jesus Christ, Valeri. You really haven't – You look like shit?”

The sopping-wet technician stood in the doorway of his office, while Jann peered from behind his PC. 

“...Yeah, pretty shit day overall. Also, they told me to check the pipe.”

“Oh?”

“It’s fucked again. Can’t believe it. Needa write a report.” Walking over to his table, he started stuffing his things into his usual work bag, trying hard to hide his tremors. That weird fucking face kept flashing in his mind and he knew it was going to have a bad night tonight. 

Just keep with the report. That’s it. That’s all.

.

.

.

// August 5, 10:22 ------------------------

Doo-doot.

The Teams application lit up, and the weary Valeri looked at the message from his Teammaster with furrowed brows. 

“forget about the second day” “Second day?” “fully read your report…..yeah forget about the second day inspection. We’ll let an external team do it. out of our scope really” (thumbs up react)

Good. As long as it wasn’t him, he didn’t care. He navigated to his fave tabloid site and was ready to gorge on stupid funny articles again for the rest of the day, until he scrolled to the sports section.

“Vettel Possibly Back To F1? New F1 Boss Inbound!” said the heading. But that didn’t catch his eye – rather, the image used was his Championship win in 2010. Kind of hard to believe that this little babyface won one of the most prestigious titles in the sporting world,yet with a demeanour so loved by everyone until his last curtain call. And yet...

Babyface?  

He stared at the picture for a good minute. No mistaking it, that was the same face he saw in the cesspit 2 days ago. The same body type they tossed into the disposal. And he didn’t feel too good. He tabbed out, pressing his palms to his eyes to rid of the sight in his mind again.  But the same fucking grin kept appearing in his mind.

It’s just a stupid fucking sport about cars. What do you need for all that?

--------------------------------

that was ass. Thanks for reading it. 3200 i think…i edited it in the post either way.

It used to be that before the page got updated, his wiki page was…really scant (go wayback machine his jan ‘22. Like the picture used for him was literally a drawing.) weirdo.

I just watched too much wendigoon, nexpo and lemmino, fnaf stuff  the past week. Safe to say i wasnt really sleeping well.

Lol. https://www.redbull.com/gb-en/f1-wrc-f3-motorsports⠀⠀⠀

I like to think the vessels are made from the same stuff as gemjam’s reset @ ao3. Great oneshot and has lead to perma rb-drivers-are-experiments brainworms.

#writing #long post #like extremely long post #i can shut the voices in my head now. here's your dumb story #consider putting dot flow's ost on play because that was my brain the whole time.

[suiheisen]

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank #he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :') #he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated #but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING #drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay... #also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger......... #geno kept Hovering in concern #po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog #ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both #also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited #anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a #long post #sidney crosby #evgeni malkin #pittsburgh penguins #also!!! to all who celebrate #ramadan kareem/eid mubarak #<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good

[emaiiyaru]

atoning for my (your) sins

#Emaiiyaru's Art #not my proudest work but it's something #< how i get by posting #sorry for extremely long post but i feel like the immersion worsens immensely if i combine pages #sorry sorry #genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact scaramouche #wanderer genshin impact #scaramouche #nahida #nahida genshin impact #scaramouche genshin impact #genshin impact nahida #genshin impact wanderer #wanderer #genshin art #genshin fanart #genshin impact art #genshin impact fanart

[sergle]

I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon

#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays #if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone #because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page #but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source #because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it #and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but #on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway #someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those #if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link #to my etsy #I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside #like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth #like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back #or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info #about what the art is and who made it and their links #I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful #and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited #but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue #reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing #as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen! #that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB #A JOB!!!!!!!!!! #sergle.txt #I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark

[keepyourpantsongohan]

I have a Venn Diagram to share

#satoru gojo #kakashi hatake #mostly this post was inspired by me having the phrase 'toxic yaoi friendship' stuck in my head wanting a way to use it HAHA #the bi flag colours are. as always. intentional #also i struggled on describing the anime magic thing. because kakashi is EXTREMELY powerful. and ppl admire that #but ultimately no one's really like 'wow what a freak' about him specifically. but they are definitely like that for gojo #i could add a point about love triangles too but this is v long already #also kakashi is ALSO silly but not as a trauma response. silliness sidegig #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jujutsu kaisen manga spoilers #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jujutsu kaisen #jjk series #naruto series #ayesha talks anime #paint edits #nonsense #i also thought about adding a 'would call me a slur'/'wouldn't call me a slur' point jokingly but i thought that it might be too soon #(i haven't read the manga but i do keep hearing things against my will) #venn diagram

[stergeon]

enbarr, sometime in 1186:

ok so @frozenartscapes made this addition to my post about byleth and edelgard writing each other letters all the time, right:

well i kind of lost my mind and now we're here.

i'm sure this meeting is salvageable :0) hubert's sanity, however,

#fire emblem #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #edeleth #byleth eisner #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard #byleth x edelgard #three houses #sterge.pptx #long post warning #haven't drawn comics in a good while lol #i guess it's good practice for hourly comic day this week #really hope this makes any sense and is remotely legible #i have yet to figure out how to get stuff to look half-decent when shrunk down for tumblr #boy i sure am glad i gave byleth emotions in my fic so i can have her make the dumbest expressions known to mankind #my half-baked Lore Reason is that she's not used to using her facial muscles yet so every expression is Extreme #there's no justification for why edelgard is like this. it's just funny #yeah it's all ooc but i'm a dyke with a pencil and i can do whatever i want

[general-cyno]

I haven't stopped thinking about zolu after wano bc isn't it crazy that zoro, as enma's new wielder, has declared he might as well become the king of hell and it turns out he's a descendant of the shimotsuki/frost moon family line, making him a descendant of shimotsuki ryuma the god of the blade whom he resembles physically, whose sword zoro earned after defeating his zombie in thriller bark and who's considered a hero of wano that's only rivaled now by joy boy - luffy's sun god nika the warrior of liberation and joy. that both zoro's presence and luffy's df awakening as nika/joy boy in wano were considered the "work of fate". how zoro was luffy's first crewmate, one he actively sought after learning just his name and fearsome reputation. the whole pirate king and greatest swordsman business. their parallels to roger and ray. how they both have the will of kings/conquerors. I feel insane

#zolu #tp #I am extremely fascinated by this turn of events ngl I'm not sure if something's being cooked here #(in the manga I mean) but the food sure smells good #like what the hell is this #also I just caught up with the manga to the most recent chapter so thinking abt these two is the balm I need rn #after all those ahem. very recent dark turns. I love OP so much it's so good #I also think it's funny that zoro's birth month lowkey spoiled his family origins lmao #considering what shimotsuki most commonly means apparently #and I mentioned it in the long wano post I made but #the mix of fate and choice wrt zolu is just. really good

[crimeronan]

people being like "hunter needs structure and stability" respectfully hunter DOES need stability - in that he needs an environment where he's no longer afraid of the people around him & is confident that he'll always have a safe place to stay n safe people to call - but the kid absolutely DOES NOT need structure. if anything hunter needs LESS structure. this is mister "teens are probably into the same things as me, like authority and rules" please be nice to him.

my absolute favorite hunter darius dynamic is one with like, hunter asking to stay out late on a school night or whatever bc luz has some cool-as-shit event happening in the human world that he wants to attend & darius is just like "you can do whatever you want forever" & hunter's like "aren't you...??? going to....??? give me a curfew????"

darius: why would you need a curfew?

hunter: because i-! what if i'm TIRED before SCHOOL

darius: then you can skip a day.

hunter: [HORRIFIED GASP]

darius: kid. look. you already extensively weighed the risks and benefits of going to this thing on a school night. right?

hunter: ......i did make three charts.

darius: and you determined that the benefits outweigh the risks. with your three charts

hunter: .....yes

darius: ok.

hunter:

darius: so.

hunter:

darius: in conclusion. you can do whatever you want forever.

#and rheyre perfect. thank you. #toh #dadrius #hunter toh #darius deamonne #hunter does not need anything even REMOTELY approaching authoritarian and/or heavily structured parenting. #hunter needs a parent he can call to be like 'i may have overestimated my human alcohol tolerance' and have them come get him without #getting him in trouble. and darius is that! darius covered for hunter wrt flapjack u think that man has RULES?? #or that it's a bad thing that he doesnt?? maybe it's just because i grew up with an authoritarian dad and extremely permissive mom #but i'm still friends with one of my parents and it's not. the one who wouldve cared if i was home by ten. #hunter needs someone to tell him it's literally fine to make his own rules and not sweat the small stuff #long post ?

[katabay]

trains :)

this is a very rough and scribbly comic, but sometimes that's all a comic is going to end up being lmao. the guy with the jacket is darren, glasses is andy. not featured, andy's dead brother who nevertheless insists on haunting the subtext

the main thing I wanted to draw was the train tho

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app

#darren and andy's brother were best friends and darren was there when andy's brother died #and made a very normal promise to always look out for andy. unfortunately. it's a little. hmmmm. suffocating! a decade later! #not that darren's been looking after andy for ten years. they were on opposite ends of a fictional planet #but in the way that andy's in love with darren and would be fine with dramatic declarations of 'i have to keep you safe' if they were #not attached to his dead brother. like. if that's the only reason he gets to hear words like that he would like to Not Hear Them thanks! #also andy is an extremely dangerous person in his own right so it's also like. hmm. hmmmmm. #it's messy. the death of andy's brother defined darren in a kind of way so the prospect of having to re define himself #without the absence of andy's brother to shape that is Unpleasant to think about #thankfully they're both going to be stuck on this fucking train for a significant amount of time! for my enjoyment!!! its train time baby! #long post #komiks tag #original tag

[sealsdaily]

I am absolutely not reblogging that post to save my followers but @pinkhairsupremacy I LOVE your seal....

#not daily #mod ribbon #For those wondering; extremely long post with like 10000000 gimmick blogs on it you know the onw #seal art #spotted seal

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards

I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?

I. Magic Tricks

You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)

But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."

In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets

This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?

From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.

Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)

2008.

Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible

2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?

2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!

2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards

2012.

This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??

2013.

Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form

2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):

For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one

2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):

The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"

III. Why Does This Matter?

*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs

This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!

There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.

But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(

#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post #nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg #that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face #<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH #anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project #and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore #i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects #<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about.... #idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ #theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create. #haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think: #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion #<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell #fernando alonso #fa14 #f1 #formula 1 #catie.rambling.txt #we do a little bit of f1

[milquetoad]

of the many injustices put forth toward the show by fans i think the most overall damaging and telling of a complete lack of critical viewership is the idea that sam riegel builds his characters with nothing more than the bit in mind. like you are only telling on yourself if you think characters like scanlan shorthalt and veth brennato are one-dimensional and depthless

#if im being exTREMEly generous i can maybe understand this view of scanlan if you started c1 and then gave up 30 episodes later #he played the long game with him more than any other and a lot of his growth could be looked at as shallow if you DIDNT watch til the payoff #but any time this opinion is used as a blanket over all of his characters including tary and even FCG.. like be serious #i mean at this point im definitely biased bc he is my favorite player at the table. However. that wasnt always the case #and even when i was myself writing some character choices off i NEVER applied that to the characters themselves. how can you?? #seen sooo many ppl criticize him for making veth an alcoholic or scanlan irreverent & hedonistic as tho it’s only possible #to play these traits as shallow jokes or at best played out satire…. and then the same person will turn around #and praise how percy was built to be pompous & superior and jester immature & self-centered and caleb steeped in self-effacing hubris #why are these characters and their players given a near universal acceptance of nuance and acknowledgement of growth & healing #but SAMS CHARACTERS ARE NOT!!!! #this turned into such a rant but it bothers me SO much. everyone at the cr table is so goddamned talented #and takes the game as seriously as it deserves #so many more points i could argue but this is already so goddamn long no one is reading this far. i love sam and all of his characters <333 #critical role #sam riegel #scanlan shorthalt #veth brennato #my posts

[c-kiddo]

looking at all the comparisons of the oldest to newest tmn arts again and honestly so sad that fjords nose got so straightened out like 😐 who gave him a nose job ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#kiddo say #hell on planet exandria #hes just so yassified but not in a way thats fun to me #give him some fat back into his face its so sad </3 #i like th long hair but . the hooked nose + beard with it couldve been so good. but instead he just looks dehydrated #thee post i mentioned in prev ask. it was in my drafts #matching post to me mourning cads hooded eyelids that got deleted in the fancy collectors figure sculpt </3 #but he has monolids in the new art so ^_^ . we stay winning #i wont talk about the newer yasha designs . yous know how i feel lol #i dont want to be mean also bc i think jesters new look is cute and fun but shes also got that league of legends splash art anatomy going o #like the waist and back arch is so extreme her spines just misaligned #it makes me sad . someone help my girl . get her a snack also