#like I actually did a good job I’m proud of myself

[reiding-writing]

Hiiii, first of all i wanna say congratsss!! You’re an amazing writer and i LOVE your stuff! Secondly, i would like to mention that i’ve never actually made a request before so bear with me 😬 Okay okay, so i was wondering if you could write cold!reader with angsty prompt 28. "I can't believe I didn't see that coming." and general prompt 23. “I thought I’d lost you.” Maybe spencer gets hurt and reader shows emotion (maybe some tears) and the team is all like ???

(feel free to ignore this btw 💗💗)

CLOSE CALL [CLIMACTERIC]

28. “I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming.”

23. “I thought I’d lost you.”

WARNINGS: fem!reader, guns, hostage situation, character death, reader is her typical rash self, happy ending

spencer reid x cold!reader || hurt/comfort || 2.8k ||

a/n: thank you <3 i’m honoured to be the conduit you chose for your first request and i hope this is what you envisioned 🫶

main masterlist!! ⋆｡°✩ cold!reader masterlist!!

event masterlist!!

Spencer’s hands shake so much as he pulls off his bulletproof vest you’re not sure how he has enough articulation in his fingers to do so in the first place.

“Reid, you’re not ready to do this.” Your words aren’t as harsh as they are truthful, but it cuts him down the same anyhow. “Let me or Hotch do it.”

“No, I need to do this myself,” Spencer shakes his head determinedly, and if he wasn’t so focused on the sheer amount of adrenaline running through his veins right no he’d probably be proud of himself for standing up to you and not just following your word as law, but alas, the only thing he could feel right now is absolute dread. “He won’t listen to you.”

Why was it always him that got personally involved with the unsubs? It was like they were a heat-seeking missile locked only onto his location.

Literally locked onto his location in this case. He’d seen him —Daniel as he called himself— on the train home from work, in the coffee shop he frequented, the local library, and he swears he also saw him parked in his apartment building’s parking lot.

It was like he was silently screaming at Spencer to notice him, and when he finally got to speak to the man, he asked for help. He was afraid. He was afraid of himself because he was having horribly intrusive thoughts that made him want to do terrible things and he viewed Spencer as his only scapegoat. Pros and cons of being all over the news for his job he supposes.

Spencer really did try to help him, but every suggestion he made was shut down like they weren’t good enough, like Daniel wanted Spencer to physically go into his brain and remove all of the faulty parts that were making him feel insane.

Spencer’s help just wasn’t good enough, and it lead to multiple people dying as a result.

And now Daniel was holding a woman hostage in her own house.

How was he supposed to not feel solely responsible for that?

Spencer had to be the one to speak to him. Not you or Hotch and your negotiation training, him and his personal connection to all the deaths that had happened because he wasn’t able to help someone that was begging him to save them from their own mind.

He practically shoves his revolver into your hand as he commits to going inside, taking a second to regulate his breathing before emerging from behind the SUVs to approach the closed front door, leaving you all in wait, guns raised at every window in the event that something goes wrong.

Something was bound to go wrong.

“Reid the minute that something feels off you leave, understand?” It technically wasn’t your call to make, but as you spoke into the small radio on your chest you weren’t really thinking about that. It’s not like Hotch would disagree with you anyway.

There’s a few seconds of silence over the radio, even though you know he heard you from the slight jolt in his spine as he reached the front door of the house. “Reid. Tell me that you understand that.”

“Copy,”

You had half the mind to drag him back into the car from that response alone. He clearly wasn’t listening to you, not properly anyway, and having such an emotional involvement in something like this was going to get him killed if he treated it the wrong way.

“Be careful,” Hotch was less antagonistic in his warning, but it held the same message.

Spencer threw an arbitrary thumbs up above his head before knocking on the door of the house and entering slowly with both his arms raised.

Then it was a waiting game. A stalemate where you had to sit with your guns trained and just wait for any sign of change. It was like absolute torture.

It was virtual silence and tumble weeds for the best of five minutes, and then there was a loud gunshot sound that echoed from inside the walls of the house, and all of that waiting felt for naught as you pressed the button on your radio with a steady stream of trepidation raising in your throat that he might not answer you. “Reid? Reid come in.”

You wait for something to come from the other side of the radio, even if it’s just the crackle of static from him pressing the button without actually speaking into it. But all you get is silence, and it makes that sinking feeling grow until you literally feel like you’re about to throw up your stomach.

You don’t think twice about running towards the front door of the house after you don’t get an answer, ignoring the calls of Hotch for you to back down and let SWAT take care of it so he didn’t possibly lose two agents instead of just one.

He knew you weren’t going to listen to him either way.

You open the door with your pistol raised at your eyes, the weight of Spencer’s revolver tucked into the waistband of your jeans acting both as an instrument to ground you and as a torturous reminder that the gunshot you heard couldn’t have possibly been from him.

It had to have come from Daniel.

Logically you should’ve swept the ground floor first before rushing straight into the dining room where you knew the three had been last, in case Daniel had left the room and approached you from behind.

You don’t of course, and you kick open the barricaded dining room door with enough force to splinter the door frame holding the hinge pin in place, the door hitting the wall with a thud.

The sight you’re met with is not what you expected to find.

“Reid—” You drop your gun to your side the second your eyes land on the back of his head, his back to you and his eyes locked on Daniel, lying on his back on the dining room floor with a bullet hole to the side of his head, his blood slowly pooling on the linoleum.

The woman he had hostage was alive too, thank god, practically trying to melt into the corner as she cried into her hands, obviously still in shock over what happened.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming,” Spencer’s words didn’t feel like they were coming from himself as he spoke, his voice feeling detached from his consciousness as his mind focused on fully comprehending the situation.

“I can’t believe how stupid you are—” Your body forces a sharp breath to leave your mouth as it cools don from the adrenaline rushing through your system, and you pull Spencer backwards by his arm to stop the blood from Daniel’s body reaching his shoes. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I just- I don’t know,” Spencer gives up on trying to find an explanation for his actions before even really thinking about it. He knows there’s no use, because he really wasn’t thinking, it was just acting on instinct.

“You see this Reid?” You give the radio on his chest a pull with your hand, causing him to stumble forward towards you in the process. “It’s a radio, use it.” There’s no denying the insurmountable rage in your tone as you berate Spencer for his carelessness, something that he most definitely deserves as he stands there nodding at you like an idiot.

You let go of his radio with a small push, sending him stumbling backwards this time, and you take a second to compose yourself before pressing on your own radio to communicate with the rest of the team. “I’ve got Reid and the hostage alive. The unsub shot himself.”

“Copy that, we’re coming in.”

Hotch’s voice may as well be a leaf in the wind as Spencer puts his full focus into how absolutely furious you seem with him.

“I’m sorry—”

”Sorry isn’t good enough.” You ignore the arrival of your teammates in the house, how they carefully guide the hostage outside to get her looked over by the ambulance waiting outside and how they secure the scene for the forensics team to deal with. “You cannot throw your life away by running head first into a dangerous situation knowing you can’t defend yourself.”

“I thought—”

“What? That it’d be fine? That you all of a sudden had all the training you needed to talk down an armed serial killer with serious delusions that could leave you as his next victim?” Maybe you we’re being a bit too harsh on him, but it was important he understood exactly what could’ve gone wrong. “You might be a genius Reid, but you are the dumbest goddamn person I have ever met.”

Spencer presses his lips together into a line at your declaration, lowering his head until his gaze is firmly planted on the floor.

“You are not an expendable resource, you can’t be replaced, and you need to understand that before you throw yourself into a possible line of fire do you understand me?” You ignore the lingering gaze of Hotch as you continue your verbal assault on Spencer, and you know you’ll probably get an earful yourself for being so hard on him, but he gave you a real scare, and you were expressing that to him in the way that suited you most.

“Yes I understand, I’m sorry…” The slight waver of his voice as he responds to you is enough to knock your anger down a peg, and you drag your hand down your face with a sigh.

“We were scared for you Reid, you could’ve died.”

“I know…”

You give another soft sigh at the voice he barely keeps his voice controlled as he whispers out his answer to you, on the verge of tears from your thorough verbal assault.

“Don’t do it again. I thought I’d lost you.” You lift up one of your hands to put it on his shoulder, although it lands closer to the curve of his neck, prompting his face upwards to meet your eyes once more. “And as much as you can be idiotic, the team needs you alive.”

He gives you a soft hum as an answer this time, not trusting his voice to not crack if he were to speak properly.

He tries not to focus on the warmth of your hand on his neck, nor on the fact that you’d said ‘I’ instead of ‘we’ when talking about being concerned for his safety under fear of only worsening his attempts at keeping himself composed.

Your gaze softens marginally as you spot the glassiness of his eyes, and for a second he swears that the protective shield you cover yourself with disappears to show the amount of concern you truly felt for him.

“I’m okay… I promise,” He nods softly at you with rounded eyes. He’s mildly flattered by how much you care, but he doesn’t want you to show it as concern, positive emotions suited you much better he thinks.

“You’re lucky, and it won’t last forever,” You use you hand against his shoulder to turn him around, pushing him gently towards the front door and using the opportunity of him not facing you to swallow the start of your own tears, clearing your throat into your elbow as he takes your lead in leaving the house.

“Reid,” Hotch is on top of the two of you before you even walk out the door. “Go and meet Morgan by the ambulance, I want you checked over,”

“But—“

“Go,” Hotch’s inherent ability to be authoritative trumps Spencer’s resistance immediately, and Spencer begrudgingly leaves your side with a small “yes sir,” to go and be checked out by one of the EMTs.

You attempt to follow him at first, but you’re promptly stopped by Hotch raising his hand in your direction, and then gesturing you over to him.

“Berating somebody for running into a dangerous situation head first with how you responded is very—“

“Hypocritical, I know,” You interrupt the end of Hotch’s sentence by finishing it yourself. “But if he hadn’t gotten into that situation in the first place then I wouldn’t have had to respond the way I did,”

“I understand you care about Reid,” Hotch crosses his arms over his chest, and although there is zero malice in his expression or his tone, you can still tell that he’s not exactly happy with you right now. “But you also need to be more careful with how you handle yourself,”

You narrow your gaze at him a little, and he mirrors it right back at you. “You can’t worry about keeping Reid alive if you’re not alive yourself, you need to be more careful, understand?”

“Yes sir,” The words are almost begrudging as they leave your mouth, but you know he’s right really. Running in after Spencer without a second thought and then berating him for being reckless was hypocritical, and you probably deserved to be reprimanded for it.

—

“You really gave her a scare you know,” Morgan speaks, prompted by Spencer’s very obvious lingering glances in your direction as you speak with Hotch.

“I know,” Spencer sighs dejectedly as he finally removes his eyes from you to allow the paramedic in front of him to check his pupillary response. “She made sure of that,”

“She cares about you Reid,” Morgan gives him a squeeze on his shoulder. “You’re gonna give the poor girl a heart attack if you keep this up,”

“That’s quite dramatic, the chances of somebody going into cardiac arrest from shock is extremely low, only 5% of all cases, and technically it would actually be cardiogenic shock, which isn’t a heart attack,”

“It’s a figure of speech Reid,” Morgan gives him a small playful shove after the paramedic has finished his evaluation, rolling his eyes. “Point is, you scared her, and I don’t know whether to be amazed or concerned at the fact that’s even possible,”

“She’s just as likely to be afraid as anyone else,” Spencer bites his cheek at Morgan’s declaration, unsure whether he should feel guilty or flustered at just how much you seemed to care about him, from the words of the rest of the team anyway.

“I mean yeah we were all worried about you, but she ran head first into the house with a potentially manic shooter inside, by herself, after Hotch told her to wait for backup,” Morgan gives Spencer a light nudge with his elbow, raising his eyebrows with an amused expression. “You know what I call that? Favouritism,”

Spencer lets out a small airy laugh, shaking his head as he stands from the edge of the ambulance.

“Face it pretty boy, you’re stuck with her for life, even if it means she follows you into an early grave,” The teasing in Morgan’s voice is unmistakeable, but his words ring truth either way. “Let’s just make sure you don’t end up in an early grave alright?”

“Yeah—” Spencer lets out another small breath through his mouth as Morgan pats his hand between his shoulder blades, gesturing for Spencer to follow him towards the rest of the team with a nod of his head.

Spencer doesn’t want to cut himself short just yet, especially if that means you’ll serve yourself the same fate. Although the idea of having you accompany him, even if it did mean in whatever lies after death, didn’t sound like too bad of an idea.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fluff #climacteric 🪶

[october19th]

I need a therapist to confirm that my family members are in fact ops

#i swear to god they both hate my entire existence #they both made it a point to shit on absolutely everything I did today even though today was supposed to be a good day for me #i officially moved into my own studio today and I’m so proud of myself but clearly I’m the only one proud of me #i packed my entire life up today and with the exception of Silvio helping me like. actually transport my possessions this was a #one woman job #i can’t remember the last time I heard my mom but especially my sister tell me that they’re proud of anything that I do #Elena’s been a bitch to me all day and I noticed that both times like moving in and moving out she’s always had people over which I don’t #understand like #do you have to see your friends the day that I’m sorting out my entire life #they both just do extremely op-like things and I always tell myself to like write this shit down because I swear my memory works against me #or I habitually smoke weed in order to forget and dissociate from the stress and angst that they put me through #they’re the type of ppl that tell me to shut up when I’m humming or singing a song lol #being alone is gonna be the best thing ever I’m gonna remember that I endured narcissistic abuse from not just one but two family members #for the past 4 months nice #at least I get to go back to being normal and happy now tho #and I’m gonna have groceries that’s cute love that for me #no more fucked up sleeping schedule and eating habits bc markham = depression

[doobean]

AN EASY A - NAGI SEISHIRO

synopsis: There's a problem student in your class and he just can't seem to understand that he needs to put in the effort. You've already given him three chances to make up his assignments - all of which he ignored. But what happens when he suggests another alternative during office hours?

contents: explicit content, afab!fem!reader, age gap (he's 22 and reader is 27), student-teacher (duh), reader kind of a tough professor lol, also a bully too ig, sex in teacher's office, masturbation (reader), power imbalance, nonconsensual video recording, vaginal sex, unprotected, creampie, breast/nipple play, dom?reader, switch!nagi, cunninglingus, cumming on face and inside, degradation, name calling (brat x 2, good boy x 1), nagi having a big dick, happy ending :) word count: 3.7K a/n: part 3 of my kinktober event :3 SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG LIFE TOOK OVER BUT I HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR THE LOST TIME ;; I WILL MAKE THE LAST KINKTOBER FIC EXTRA SPICY TOO DONT WORRY FAM - also im super proud of myself for literally scraping the draft and rewrote this within a span of two days?? like wow the pressure is on.

There are some habits that never seem to change — even with age. You’ve seen it all, experienced it too, from emailing your teachers last minute about having to make up an exam worth over half of your course grade to faking a family death in order to get an extension, or — and this is more for students who are a bit too ‘brave’ — blaming the teachers for their inability to do their jobs. You knew what you would be getting into when you went into this job, from having to do the last minute panic pleas to now being on the receiving end of it. And you now actually feel sorry for having to bombard your past professors like that.

You release a deep breath from your nose and flick the red gel pen across a student’s exam, circling the large failing number by their name. “I’ll see you next year.” You try to sound less harsh, more on the sympathetic side, since you’re relatively still within the same age group as some of these students, but who wants to hear that? That they have to repeat a course and be stuck a graduation year behind? Absolutely no one.

You want to look away as you hand the student back his exam scores because you just know it’s going to end with tears and meaningless pleas but that would be unprofessional on your end. Instead, you give the student a small smile and a couple of pieces of candy from the glass bowl next to you. 

“Sorry if it’s not much but it’s better than nothing?” God, you need to work on your pep talk. These students are basically adults, not elementary school kids.

“A-Are you sure I can’t do anything else to boost my grade?” The student starts to whimper and you have to tense your whole body from cringing at their quivering voice. 

Ugh, it’s useless. Why bother begging if they haven’t bothered to study the material?

Still, you manage to whip up an emphatic frown and shake your head, voice sounding more motherly. “I’m sure it’ll be easier for you to understand next time.”

Another whine and then a final huff before the student storms out of your office. By the time the door shuts and their wails are out of ear shot, you slump back into your chair and groan loudly into your palms. Your body aches from being at your desk all day long — your mind is doing no better, having to deal with students’ cries and unwarranted trauma dumping. Seriously, when are they going to pay teachers more to deal with this type of stuff?

On the bright side of things, your office hours are officially over. Final grades will be up by tonight and you’ve completed most of your tasks with all but one student being a constant no show for the eternity of the semester but that responsibility doesn’t fall onto you. He and the handful of others can just show up again next year. 

You spend some time debating your options, eating a nice, warm bowl of noodles sounds good for now but… you did spend nearly eight hours cooped up in your office and you are feeling a bit high energy right now, so stress relieving might be a good answer first.  

“Now, where did I put that thing?” You reach down your desk, pulling up your purse and rummage through it looking for a very specific purple ‘massager’. 

It’s super rare for you to ‘release’ stress while on campus grounds, this might be one of the few times, with others following the same patterns, but you feel the utter need to reward yourself after today’s events. It’ll only take you maybe ten minutes max, afterwards it’s dinner and then a quiet train ride home. Plus, not like you have a partner who can do this for you — you barely have time to take care of yourself, let alone be in a relationship or commit yourself to a random hook up. Sometimes, it’s just better to handle the situation yourself since it is your body.

A breathy sigh leaves your lips as you place the vibrating head against the soft cotton fabric of your panties, already soaked through by just the thought of de-stressing yourself. You throw your head back, with one hand steady with the magic wand and the other traveling up to your blouse, unbuttoning the top and allowing your black bra to be exposed in the room. As you increase the pressure from the vibrations, your free hand spills your breasts from its cups, your thumbs and digits immediately running over the sensitive nubs and plush flesh of your chest as you start to chase your high.

“M-Mhm—! Right there…” You roll your head to the side and shut your eyes, imagination fleeting to the thoughts of a male seated in between your legs, his tongue desperate and latching to your overwhelmed clit and folds while your thighs keep his shoulders in place. 

You think it’s so unfair that your other friends have already settled down with partners of their own. When holidays come around the corner, when you finally catch a break from all the whining and fake wolf cries, you just have to hear your friends gush about how romantic their partners are to them. You secretly hate winter because of it. All those talks about Christmas gifts, their New Year’s couples resolutions, their stupid fancy ski trips that cost close to thousands of dollars, and then top it off for Valentine’s Day. Summer is more bearable, only because of the lack of romantic holidays, but you still get bitter from seeing their beach photos and international trips.

You change the position of your magic wand, facing it closer and pressing it harder down your clit, nearly drawing blood from your lips as you suppress back a frantic moan — a moan that’s a mix of both pleasure and frustration. 

Fuck the students. Fuck your friends. And fuck this job.

“H-Haah—! Oh my god…” Your hips buckle feverishly, body quaking in your seat as you start to feel a familiar coil tightening in your stomach and a rush down below. A build up of tears start pooling at the corners of your eyes as your vision starts to grow hazy. Your heart heaves forward, about to burst out of your chest, the imaginary man just about to finish you off—

Creak.

Your eyes immediately pop open and the color drains from your face at the squealing sound from the door. You don’t have enough time to cover yourself up when you realize that a student is standing by the entrance, wearing an equally shocked expression on his face. A tousle of white shaggy hair, large gray eyes, appearing at a staggering height with—your gaze trail to his hands and nearly faint from the sight—his phone.

The sound of the door creaking again snaps you out of the phase and your arms fly over your chest, the words stuck in your throat and your vibrator falling to the floor. 

Shit, what should you ask first? Has he been recording you this whole time? When did he even show up? You’re positive that you were the only one left in the academic building, so what is going on?

“Um,” The male has the audacity to walk in the room, his gaze fixated on everything but you. “Are office hours still open?”

What. The. Fuck.

You blink once, twice, and, when the student is still standing there, confirming your thoughts that he isn’t an awful mirage sent down by the Lord himself, you feel yourself internally shrinking.

“I-Is that the first thing you want to ask me?” You stifle back a laugh, or at least you think it’s a laugh. Maybe even a few waterworks for later. “Just who are you?”

But then it hits you. The black and blue duffle bag he has by his side had his name engraved on it. You don’t need to take a closer to recognize the national team’s logo and you certainly don’t need a Google search to realize that Nagi fucking Seishiro, a soccer prodigy and your apparent student for the semester, might’ve just recorded you masturbating in your office.

You manage to find an old jacket from one of the drawers at your desk and throw it on before pointing a harsh finger at the man. “Delete it, now.”

“Will I get an A?” Nagi is surprisingly blunt and, now looking back, this might honestly be the first time you’ve ever talked to him out of the whole semester. He seems to catch your perplexed look, shooting you a pair of creased brows back as he explains, “All of my other courses were remote because of training and football games… You were the only professor that denied it.”

You huff, seemingly annoyed that he thinks he can be an exception to your course rules. “I don’t hand out favoritism to just anyone and,” You glare at the phone in his hand, sneering right back at his uncaring facial expression. “I’m definitely not going to pass you if you’re threatening to black mail me.”

“Maybe we can help each other out?” Nagi offers, maybe a bit too fast and too eager. 

You cautiously sink back in your seat, eyes narrowing at his suggestion. “What are you implying, Nagi?” The male shuffles awkwardly in place and your gaze flicks down, eyes widening for the nth time today and an audible gasp slips out. “You can’t be serious.”

“I need to pass and you—” Nagi clears his throat and motions to your slick covered vibrator, which is still very much on and buzzing away on the wooden floor boards near his feet. “You didn’t finish.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and adjusts the semi-hard length through his sweats with his other before finishing his offer. “I’ll delete the video, help you, and you’ll give me an A?” Nagi lamely suggests. 

You want to scream, dig yourself a ditch large enough to fit you and the rest of however much pride you had left, and wither away. You’ve had students coming to you with plenty of other excuses, much more tamed than whatever situation you’ve found yourself in. And, regardless how much shitty this actually is, it doesn’t get rid of the fact that: one — you’re still sexually frustrated from having your orgasm ruined by this oversized, lazy fucker, two — you literally just got this job a year ago and getting fired for masturbating on campus might not look so great on your record, and three — if Nagi is true to his words, maybe you both can just forget about it the next day.

“You don’t get the control, I do.” You rise from your seat, allowing the jacket to fall from your frame. Your gaze hardens on the male subject in front of you as you bend down to reach for your toy, turning it off and putting it away in a nearby drawer that’s most likely filled with other student’s graded assignments. 

Whatever, they’ll probably cry more fluids on it when they get their results back anyway.

Nagi tenses when you reach over to touch his arms, feeling up his toned biceps and rest of his upper body underneath the black hoodie, and he doesn’t dare to move unless you tell him to. You let out a scoff, feeling satisfied that he’s already willing to compromise so quickly under short notice. With a light tug on his sleeve, you drag him closer to your desk and settle yourself on top of it. You hike up your pencil skirt to your upper thighs and spread your legs wide enough for the width of his shoulders.

“On your knees, brat.”

He silently obliges, bending down on one knee and his hands find home on your inner thighs. You resist the urge to squirm under his touch, still feeling rather sensitive from your earlier chase and not wanting to give him any ounce of satisfaction. Without any audible exchanges, he allows you to direct his head closer to the heat of your sex, the combination of your increasing wetness and the hot puffs from his breath makes your stomach twist in anticipation.

With a quick swipe, his fingers brush aside your panties to the crease of your thighs and lean in, giving a few experimental licks to your slicked cover folds before burying the rest of his face in. Your reaction is instant. Your fingers claw their way deep into his shoulder blades, thighs threatening to squeeze the living life out of him, but Nagi’s grip is even more threatening. He stays rigid, palms glued to your thighs and keeping them in place as his tongue flicks against the stiff nub — drawing lazy circles.

Your mouth betrays your character as he suddenly decides to insert two digits, scissoring their way into your velvety walls. Nagi grunts in response at just how lewd you sound right now. 

“Soaking wet…” He observes with careful eyes at your sex before looking up, a playful smirk flashes across his face when he notices the flush in your cheeks. With another twirl from his fingers, combined with the slow swirls from his tongue, your head rolls back as the torrent seems to be relentless.

With the next extra pumps, you cum hard with a shudder, vicing your thighs against his head.  You can feel the leak of fluids slide out of your folds, and Nagi pushes his face inward, making sure he slid his tongue against that sweet spot of yours again. It blinds you with a final surge of pleasure, and you cry out as your orgasm shakes you to the core, nails biting into his shoulders.

You’ve never experienced an orgasm that intense before, even with the usage of your vibrator — hell, you can’t even remember when’s the last time a man has made you reach that high. Bright colors cloud your vision as you tumble through what seems like an endless bliss. Your body goes slack, back now flushed against the office desk, but Nagi’s body is still tense, his muscles twitching as he gets to his feet and lifts your legs off his shoulders.

“Hey,” Nagi slurs, wiping away your slick with the back of his hand.  “We’re not done here.”

“W-What are you talking about—ah!”

Your vision is just beginning to clear up when you find yourself trapped between Nagi’s arms. He’s hovering above you, a certain dark look casts over his gray hues as he bores into your own. You swallow hard, heart beating faster when you look down to see his sweats already laid around his thighs and his cock springs free, head spilling with heavy amounts of pre. Nagi’s length twitches at the sounds of your moans and the male takes that as a sign of approval.

“What?” He leans forward, his bangs brushing against your forehead. “You’ve never seen a penis before?”

“Don’t get smart with me, brat.” You spit back, immediately tearing your gaze away from his rather impressive size. Might be the biggest you’ve ever seen in person outside from those awful porn videos online.

If you can find the energy to, you might’ve laughed at his lame attempt to have the upper hand, but Nagi doesn’t waste his time. He closes the distance, smashing his lips against yours, tongue already dragging its way down your throat. You choke back but recover quickly, hands flying to his locks, grabbing fistfuls, and rocking your hips against his hardened appendage. A sinful groan slips from his lips and lifts one of your thighs up, your ankle resting on his shoulder while he wraps the other around his waist. 

You part your lips when he breaks away from the kiss, a thin trail of saliva connecting you two, and a whine spills from you as Nagi begins sliding his cock in between your folds. He sucks in his teeth, breath hitching sharply at the sight. 

“Wanna put it in so bad—” He shudders seeing your slick engulfing his length. “Can I—Can I please put it in?” His monotone voice now replaced with a shaky resolve, almost as if he’s seeking for your next stage of approval and pleasure. 

You reach up and cup his cheeks in your hands, eyes softening at his glassy ones. “Promise to delete that video and you might get a chance, Nagi.”

“Sei,” The male breathes out.

You tilt your head. “Huh?”

Nagi leans into your touch, nuzzling his cheeks into your palms. “Want you to call me Sei… Can you do that?”

“Sei…” You whisper out, suppressing back a laugh when you see the towering male tensing at the sound of his name. The twitching from his cock brushes against your clit making you squirm. “Sei, make me cum around that cock of yours.”

A cry escapes from the both of you when he slides in, inching bit by bit and holding your waist with both hands as leverage. You can’t do anything but throw your head back, sounds leaving your hoarse throat at the sheer size from him.  Your hands can only reach his thighs, nails leaving their crescent marks on his skin as Nagi bottoms out inside of you with a long, agonizing stroke. Nagi takes his time, building a slow but steady rhythm, staring down at you with intense gray eyes and making sure the thickness of his cock stretches your walls as he continues. You suddenly feel grateful that you came earlier, the extra slick and foreplay made the insertion easier because you’re certain without it there’s no guarantee that you would’ve been able to handle this mind numbing fucking.

After a few more experimental strokes, Nagi finds a comfortable pace. You’re now starting to get used to him and it feels so, so good that you’re finding everything in your power to spread your legs as far open as they would go. Sensing your struggle, Nagi lifts one hand to push your thigh back even further, and you let out a yelp, whining when you feel him brushing against that sweet spot inside of you again.

A warm rushing sensation starts building in your stomach again and you feel as if you’re about to jump off a cliff. Your walls clamp down around his cock, wails starting to bounce off the walls and legs shaking without any means of control. You’re absolutely floored by the way Nagi’s able to make your body react this much under his touch. It’s only your first time having sex, yet it feels like he’d been making love with you for a lifetime. 

Your eyes fly shut as the feeling of his callous thumbs make their way onto your swollen clit, rubbing and tapping away. Flames are riding your nerves, you can’t hold back any sort of resistance in your voice as he picks up the pace, hips slamming into yours and sounds of sex filling the air. Nagi moves swiftly and punishingly, holding your hips still and not allowing you any room to move around as his cock tears against that spot that had tears finally spilling down your flushed face.

“Sei,” You choke out a sob, throwing a hand over your mouth to try and suppress some of the noise. Though, you and him both know it’s a futile effort.

The build up of pleasure is so binding that you’re beginning to lose sense of time and place, feeling only the desperate and feral thrusts from your student. Your second orgasm fades slowly, leaving you in a pool of ecstasy, but that doesn’t stop Nagi. 

Still hard and pumping, his grip on your hips only tighten and he grunts out a lustful moan. “Feels good, right? Cumming all over me?”

You look up to him, tears of pleasure disorienting your vision, and in a state where you’re too incoherent to speak — pleading only with your doe eyes.

Nagi understood immediately. He slows down his pace, leaning forward, making sure the head of his cock kisses the inside of your cervix before bending down to place one on your own gaping lips.

“Such a good boy, aren’t you?” You manage out.

He groans at the pet name and peppers your face and neck with wet kisses, lifting your leg with one hand so that he can slowly stroke back and forth inside.

One of your hands reaches for your chest, fondling and toying with your nipples while your other hand reaches for the back of his head, gripping his white locks and pulling him down for another feverish kiss. Your lips remain sealed and pressed together in a battle of tongues as he rocks inside of you, sending you yet another orgasm as he moans into your mouth. 

“H-Haah—I’m close…” His hips buck wildly. “Gonna cum inside of this pretty pussy…”

Nagi finally comes undone inside of you, his whole body shuddering as coats of white paint the insides of your velvety walls. A heavy pant from him catches your ears as he pulls out slowly, eyes admiring the hot, white trail that travels down your thighs and onto your desk. 

By now, you can barely keep your eyes open, both mind and body exhausted. You try to get up, only to find zero strength left in your limbs, but soon you feel a pair of toned biceps around your waist and Nagi pulls you into his firm, yet comforting chest. 

You want to ask him something again, something regarding that video he took of you earlier, but you’re beginning to lose your train of thought as exhaustion creeps up. Your entire body aches and your pussy is still emptying his remaining orgasm. But, strangely enough, you find yourself not caring about it anymore. 

A smile makes its way onto your features as you drift off to sleep, making you miss the fact that Nagi did delete the video shortly after and scribble a quick note next to your purse. It’ll be another hour before you have the chance to read it.

‘Don’t forget that A. XXX-XXX-0506 - Sei.’

© 2023 DOOBEAN. do not copy any of my writing and translate/repost.

KINKTOBER TAGLIST (PART III)

@milkistoshi @mareonyan @saenora @blissblossom @wowonamo

#doobean:kinktober23 #cw: power imbalance #cw: video recording #cw: age gap #bllk #blue lock #bllk smut #bllk x reader #nagi x reader #blue lock x reader #nagi seishiro #nagi seishiro smut #nagi seishiro x reader #blue lock x female reader #bllk x female reader #doobean writes

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

#text post #life #faq #long post #well long-ish

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey lovely charm!

I haven’t sent an ask to any blog all this time I’m here because I’m trying to avoid negativity and victim mentality, however I’d like to ask this one thing (of course you can ignore this ask if it’s been answered before or you just don’t want to respond, also I’ll throw a TW but there’s nothing really bad on here)

I read the latest success story which actually almost brought tears to my eyes, I’m proud of this person and everyone that managed to get out of their awful and undeserved circumstances!! My question though is that one thing that drives me crazy all this time and it might sound stupid: how do we actually surrender to our imagination?

Is it just believing everything is going to change? Because I think I might be doing something wrong and I don’t know what it is, I’m just tired of waking up and seeing the same awful and dreadful reality. I’m tired crying every night because I’m being “forgotten” even by friends like I don’t exist sometimes. I’m tired “trying” for the void. Every night before I sleep and every morning, even for the whole day, I’m just thinking as if I got it all already, I’m walking to my dreadful 7-3 work but I’m imagining walking in London going to my actual dream job, wearing my dream clothes and having my dream appearance. The problem is that I feel I’m living on a loop, keep doing the things I did before but kind of “dressing them up” with my mind, in my mind. Any advice you have, I hope it’s going to also help out any other kind soul on here that needs it.

Thank you in advance lovely, I follow your blog with devotion and one of these days I’ll send you my success! xx

Hiii 💓I can only speak for myself, but surrendering to imagination for me looked like letting go of the how and the when my desires would appear. And you know it seems kind of stupid at first, I get that. When people used to say that it made me mad,but that was before I actually understood what it meant. I used to think well “If I wanted it in my imagination I’d just daydream” which isn’t even correct because if you’re imagining of your desires instead of from them, it’s the reason you don’t feel fulfilled anyways. But it’s actually a great thing.

When I stopped trying to change the 3D and stopped trying figure out how/why/when my desired would appear and instead remembered I already had them, it got a little easier. I stopped worrying about if my crying would stop my desires from coming to fruition, bc if I already have it in my imagination why would that matter? just because you’re wealthy does that mean you can’t cry lmfao. it didn’t matter what I did, when I got mad I stopped spiraling, I stopped trying to repress my emotions, it got easier and it became more real. That’s when I understood what they meant when they say you don’t want your desires just to be freed from desiring.

The limitless changes didn’t really start until I was Immersed in my imagination, though I had a good amount of conscious “manifestations” before so. But in truth I've always been a maladaptive daydreamer, creating a different reality within my mind. Despite what others and myself perceived as a bland and middling childhood, my inner world was vibrant and full of possibilities. Then I found myself wondering why these vivid daydreams didn't manifest into reality during my childhood. Idk if it was due to my age or lack of conscious awareness of what I was doing.But again I think it was because I was thinking 'of' rather than 'from'.

It’s the imagination that is limitless and why every creation is possible. It really did free me from my doubts I carried here in this plane. In the grand theater of the multiverse, every dream, every desire you've ever had is playing out already since you can see it in your imagination. You can have your dream life - from your appearance and personality to your family, zodiac sign, and even your perfect partner. you can revise and embody the life you want in every aspect, and wake up in a whole new world tomorrow. You can indulge in every spiritual practice you could ever imagine. You can connect with the energy of the universe on such a profound level that you become one with everything around you. You can become the grass under your feet, the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Why? Because you are a limitless being. You are the universe experiencing itself, a manifestation of its infinite creativity. You're not separate from the universe; you are the universe, yet a human at the same time. So what does the 3D have to do with any of that. Yes you’re here and it is real and you will experience the best of love and humanity because of it but first surrender to imagination because that’s where it begins.

“Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually. This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non-selective. The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause. These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness. The conscious is male; the subconscious is female. The conscious generates ideas and impresses these ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.”(Neville Goddard)

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)

"And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." (Colossians 3:10)

In the realm of imagination, boundaries dissolve. Here, we're not just passive observers; we're active creators, shaping our reality with every thought, feeling, and belief we entertain. This isn't about escaping reality but rather embracing a more expansive view of it.

So, why would you ever limit yourself to the confines of the 3D world? Why not tap into the limitless potential of our imagination, where we are the architects of our own promise. I mean your imagination is your superpower. So, harness it. Dream big, unapologetically feel-deeply, and maintain unwavering faith in your creativity that everyone is born with.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard

[zarla-s]

How do you decide when to use Spamtons little speech quirk and what to have him say? Your writing for him feels so natural!

Spamton’s speech pattern is surprisingly tricky! It has a lot of weird little things to it, haha. I’m glad you think I’m doing a good job though. :D Generally I try to keep in mind a few things for him...

Spamton misspells things a lot, but not always in the same way (with exceptions). He also likes substituting numbers for letters, usually in words that get caught in a spam filter to try to get around it but not always. ( [[Amazed at thi5 amazing transformation?]],  NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING AB04T! ,  SOMEONE LEFT [There] SOULS, [Lyeing Around......] ,  YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Pr1ce Sallamy],  AND THE [Number on theB4ck]!,  [Unforgettable D3als] ,  [Pr3mIUm luxjerry w4tch] )

When Spamton takes over the narration or influences it, he still misspells things. (CONGRULATIONS YOU ARE THE 100th VISITOR!!! )

Spamton is bad at tenses and mixes them up a lot. This is one of the most endearing things to me for some reason, haha.  ( I'M SO [Proud] OF YOU, I COULD [Killed] YOU! ,  I HAVE [Becomed] NEO. ,  MY ESTEEM CUSTOMER, THAT GUY [Steal my look]!! OKAY, MAYBE HE [Steal]ed BACK WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM, WE WILL ALSO [Divorced] )

He messes up pluralization or grammar related to it at times. ( HOTSINGLE, 100 CUSTOMER, AN [Valuable Item])

He actually swears a fair amount but it’s usually censored. ( YOU'RE [$!$!] RIGHT! , DEALS SO GOOD I'LL [$!$$] MYSELF!,  [$!?!] THE PRESSES! )

His capitalization in his bracket words/phrases is inconsistent and he spells things wrong in them at times as well. He usually capitalizes the first word though. ( [[A LimiTed Time Only!]] , [[Designed BY The Classics]],  [[ Sucbscrube ]] ,  THEN [[WHY]] GO TO A DUMPSTER!!! , YOU'VE GOT THE [[LIGHT.]] , [ succumb to the worm ],  SO HAVE I GOT A DEAL THAT'S [sweet Sunday creme] TO ANY SELF RESPECTING [Ball Nut]! , [fluffey] ,  [Pracitce]).

His capitalization in general is kind of all over the place. ( LIGHT nER! HEY-HE Y HEY!!!,  THat'll be 1997 KROMER.,  ENL4RGE Yourself,  I USED TO be A BIG SHOT. ,  I WOn'T FORCE YOU. ,  It's still DARK... SO DARK! )

He gets the verb in sentences wrong at times or has too many/too few words in a phrase.  ( HEAR THOSE [Balloons]???,  [Cool down with a]!!!,  [Wake up and the smell the] MY DEAD CARCASS!!! ) His grammar also gets wonky, especially with the tricky homophones like your/you’re or their/there/they’re. ( YOUR A BIGSHOT!! ,  WELL LET THIS BE A [Email] ,  SHOW OFF YOU'RE [Big Shot] )

He sometimes doesn’t finish a sentence at all, or leaves a blank space. ( BUY [KeyGen] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] ,  MEANWHILE I CAN [sneak out the back] AND, [Hurry now]!!! [Blink] AND YOU'LL MISS      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,  THAT'S WHY THEY'RE COMING TO [kill] ME RIGHT NOW. THEY'RE COMING TO ). Sometimes he just says one or two words or sentence fragments. (MONEY NO, KEYGEN) He likes repeating unfinished sentences as well, usually when he’s worked up about something. ( THE MEN INSIDE WOULD THE MEN INSIDE WOULD , I'LL GET SO. I'LL GET SO. )

He uses periods to emphasize certain parts of a sentence and sometimes he just leaves brackets or carets or other punctuation in his speech. ( YOU'RE  LIGHT neR< AREN'T YOU? , GO BACK. AND PUT. THE DISK. BACK. WHERE YOU GOT IT. ).

Sometimes he has spaces in the middle of words or in the wrong places ( DID YOU HAVE AN YMORE?,  I'M A SALESMAN   ,  ). Sometimes it’s just a mess in general ( DOESN;T IT?KID? ), and sometimes he likes to combine words ( [HonestMan] ,  [handsomeGuy] ).

My general approach to this is just to keep any typos I make while doing his dialogue lol.

He drops out of caps usually when he’s scared or thoughtful (not accounting for after his battle), and usually when he’s thinking about Mike.

A fair amount of his substitutions are vaguely threatening or allude to some kind of violence or suffering. He mentions death, dying, and screaming a lot, usually in unexpected contexts ( PRICES SO LOW, EVERYONE I KNOW IS [[Dead]]!!!,  VACATIONING IN [Burning acid] , NOW I'M THE [[It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!]] GUY! ).

Sometimes these threats are relevant warnings if you know what he’s up to ( TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!,  [Die Now] AND I'LL THROW IN [50] [Bullets] FOR FREE!,  THIS IS [One Purchase] YOU WILL [Regret] FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! ). There’s always a sort of “off” vibe to him that makes him feel a little dangerous.

As an aside, Spamton talks about people beating him up a lot.

He likes turning phrases about refunds into non-refunds, haha ( [No Money Back Guaranttee] ). He’ll sometimes just admit outright he’s trying to scam you ( HOW'S AN INNOCENT GUY LIKE ME SUPPOSED TO [Rip People Off] , [What's yours is mine] AND [What's yours is mine]. ).

He’s extremely excited and shouting almost all the time, so he very rarely has only one exclamation point about anything. Usually it’s three but it can go higher. Just go ham on the exclamation points lol.

[[Hyperlink blocked.]]  is a tricky one. He does use it a lot, but the context for it is hard to pin down. Usually it relates to things like souls, what it is that’s controlling him or what it wants, or how exactly he wants to escape it. Other times it’s sort of privileged or secret information that would be caught by a filter and blocked, or it’s some scammy thing or another that’d be blocked for user safety. Usually it’s something that someone wouldn’t want the player to know.

He does use sales pitch, adspeak, or internet slang substitutions a lot, ( [Friend Request Accepted] , [[Anything You See On TV!]],  [[Workout-Ready Body]],  [Luxurious Basement Apartment] , [[Pass My Savings Onto You!]] )  but not all the time! A lot of his substitutions are single words, usually on an odd tangent to the original word or just unusual in general ( [Deep Abyss] , YOUR [[Ant-sized]] [[Rapidly-shrinking]] LIFE!! , [Wacky Stacks] , [Little Nipper], LIKE MANY [buzzing] AND [burning] CREATORS,  GET OUT YOUR CYBER [skin wallets] ).

Sometimes they’re just a normal word in the sentence ( YOU GOT [Guts] KID!! , [Part] OF MY BEAUTIFUL [Heart], LOOK IN MY [Eyes] LOOK IN MY [Nose] LOOK IN MY [Mouth] ).

I tend to think about his substitutions a bit like the Orz, where a substituted word has alternate or deeper meaning than you’d think BECAUSE it was substituted. By [LIGHT], did Spamton literally mean light, or does light have another connotation to it he’s adding that’s not clear? I like thinking of the substitutions adding a potential multiple meaning layers to a word, haha. Maybe he can’t help it, or maybe that particular word is hinting at something more...

He can say full sentences without any substitutions in them, but they’re rare ( WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? ,  YOU'RE LEAVING!? WHAT ABOUT MY DISK!?!? , TOO MANY EXCESS VACATION DAYS?? TAKE A GOD DAMN VACATION STRAIGHT TO HELL, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD! MY LIFE ADVICE! , BUT KRIS, IF YOU REFUSE. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. I CAN'T FORCE YOU.). Interestingly, they often involve him saying he can’t force Kris to do something, something he says over and over and over. He seems very preoccupied with it.

#deltarune #spamton #walls of text #asks and answers #meta #in a sense

[abeautylives]

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 3

author’s note: Thank you for reading this ridiculous story. Now for the good stuff.

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2016-2018

word count: almost 7.8k this part

warnings: language, underage drinking (implied), mentions of sex and sexual situations, nudity, oral (m. and f. receiving), unprotected penetrative sex

You know how most people’s lives change pretty drastically when they move away for college?

What, were you expecting me to claim that I was different, special in some way?

I’m not.

If you’re wondering, Sam and I were fine. I guess he’d matured enough to keep speaking to me when he found out I’d almost fucked his brother. I was still immature enough to give him a classic three day long silent treatment over the whole Sam said he thought you were fucking that guy you dated thing.

I even made him agree to never bring me up to Jake again. Ever.

Anyway, my first semester of college kind of kicked my ass. I was smart enough, but I couldn’t decide on a major and it made the whole experience feel like a waste of time. I didn’t meet anyone worth much of my effort to get to know, and I spent a lot of nights alone in my dorm room. I barely even liked my roommate. Meanwhile, Sam was at home breezing through his last year of high school and preparing to actually go on tour.

Like a real tour. It was my worst nightmare. And I had to hear all about it when I came home for winter break. 

But he was excited, of course he was. And I was proud of him. And Josh, and Danny. I couldn’t bring myself to have positive feelings for Jake. After he’d rejected and embarrassed me (again), I’d run off to school determined to lose my v-card to literally anyone who’d never been to Frankenmuth or heard of their band. Fortunately for me, almost no one had heard of either.

So, I did. And Matthew Nowak had been a very cursory and lazy fuck, but he got the job done. I mean, he popped the cherry or whatever, he didn’t make me come, and I never gave him another opportunity to try.

I almost didn’t even go home for Christmas, my dad had been begging me to come see him, but I knew if I didn’t go home, I might never see my best friend again.

Was that a little dramatic? Sure, but the dates for tour were going to start around my birthday, before he even graduated, and he wouldn’t be home for the entire summer. There were talks of getting signed, to a fucking label. Releasing their music to the world. Jake’s dreams were coming true and he was stealing my best fucking friend from me.

He really was an asshole.

I went back to school in the spring a little sad, nostalgic for a time when things were easy and fun, and I always had a weekend smoke sesh in the Kiszka garage to look forward to. There was nothing for me to look forward to in Ann Arbor. Until I met Soph.

Sophie and I were paired up within the first few days of one of our classes, and thank God we were. We clicked instantly, she was almost like a female version of Sam with even better hair.

She got me out of my slump, out of my dorm room and out of my own head.

As we started hanging out more outside of class, we learned about each other’s lives at home, and she let me talk endlessly about Sam. About moving away from Traverse and finding the best friend I’d ever had, growing up with him, becoming an adult at his side.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but eventually I ran out of stories and didn’t feel the need to talk about him much anymore.

For a few months, we worked hard and partied harder, and I felt more and more like myself, or my new self, with her help. My new self must have been putting out certain vibes that attracted attention, because I wasn’t hurting for it. Not that I really had back home, but home had narrowed my view, the Kiszkas my whole world. Even when I did date boys, Sam was there to tell me he didn’t like them, then Josh was there shining brighter than the sun, blinding me to them.

Then Jake was there. Ruining me for everyone else, just by existing.

In Ann Arbor, Soph had the opposite effect. Every guy was cute, cute enough to talk to, flirt with, party with. A select few were hot enough to make out with, let them touch our bodies, we would touch theirs. Dance with them, let them pull us close, throw our arms around them and tell them to take us somewhere quieter. 

There was that one time, I’d gone back to this guy’s dorm and he’d put a playlist on shuffle. Ya know, so we wouldn’t be heard. And right before I put his dick in my mouth, fucking Highway Tune started playing. 

Instant no. I left him there with a hard-on and zero promises of returning.

But anyway, Soph and I had fun every weekend, studied every weeknight. By the end of the second semester, we’d decided on my major, and made sure we would share more classes in the fall.

When summer break rolled around, we spent the first half with her family in Grand Rapids and the second, reluctantly, with my mom. Home was weird without Sam, but he was off galavanting across the U.S. Communication between us had been sparse, though he did call me once every few weeks to fill me in, and let’s be honest, brag. I didn’t mind the bragging, much, but even with how well things were going at school, I’d have given anything to drop it all and be with him. 

Even if it meant tolerating Jake. 

Life goes on, time keeps on slipping, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning and all that. 

College was hard, but Soph and I really buttoned up in the fall. More studying, fewer boys, a little less fun, but Michigan gets cold fast and running wild all over campus didn’t hold the same appeal. We vowed to live it up in the spring, maybe settle down and get some boyfriends. Maybe not.

“Holy shit holy shit!”

We were in the library, Soph across the table from me with wide eyes, laptops, books and notes spread out between us.

“Shhh! What? What the fuck?” She leaned in conspiratorially and I turned my phone around to show her the screen. 

“They’re playing in Detroit. They’re coming home!”

“Will you be quiet? Who, Sam’s band?”

That made me laugh every time. I always called it Sam’s band, because he would’ve loved it and someone else I knew would have loathed it.

They hadn’t been home in forever, they were hardly even in the states, and when they’d played the Fillmore in the spring I’d been so bogged down with new classes and so much fucking homework, I couldn’t justify leaving campus let alone the city. 

But they were coming back, and I’d be on winter break. Sam had sent me their schedule, which I’d thrust into Soph’s hands.

“Aww, reunion! I wish I could go with you.” Her pouty face was unmatched, but she was going with her parents to visit family in Ohio for the holidays. For a moment, that realization made me panic. I wanted to go, needed to see my best friend, but to do it alone? Why did that make me nervous?

Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in two years. Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in more than two. I doubted I’d even get to spend much time with Sam, and I doubted further that I’d be able to get him away from the others.

Not that I wouldn’t want to hang out with Danny, or even Josh. But… well, you know.

I wondered if they were going home for the brief break between Detroit and Seattle, and I made a mental note to ask Sam. 

I’d insisted on buying my own ticket to the show, their third added at the Fox after the first two sold out, but Sam wouldn’t hear of it. He set me up with a ticket and access to see them backstage, and I tried not to let it get to my head. It's not like they were famous or anything.

Selling out multiple shows.

I FaceTime’d Sophie so she could help me decide what to wear - I hadn’t put this kind of pressure on an outfit since the night I kissed… yeah, you saw how that went.

We landed on skin tight faux leather pants, an extremely low-cut black and tan floral print top with a fitted bodice and wide, flowy sleeves, and chunky black boots. I planned to top it off with a vintage fur coat Sam and I had found thrifting a few years back. We’d always joked that it originally belonged to the old lady they named their band after. 

“Okayyyyy, so what about your underwear?” 

I stopped spinning in front of my phone, where I’d been showing Sophie the whole get up.

“What the fuck do you mean, my underwear? Who cares?”

“Babe, it’s a rock show! What if you meet a super hot guy with like, tattoos and a tongue ring that wants to rock your world?” I watched her eyebrows waggle as she stuck her own tongue out at me. 

“Yeah I don’t think that’s really their demographic.” 

But… an idea started to form. Sexy underwear would make me feel sexy. Who would be irritated to see me, looking and feeling sexy, arguably hotter now than I’d ever been? Who would be downright furious to watch me get a little flirty, a little provocative with another man? Men? His brothers?

Ohhh, Jake Kiszka was gonna kill me. And it was gonna be worth it. 

The ticket Sam held for me was in the front fucking row. Of the seats, behind the pit floor, but still. How embarrassing, what if I didn’t know any of the words? I didn’t really listen to their music, not since I was in high school, watching them practice or play at Fischer.

As you can imagine, I didn’t need to worry. Every, single, song was familiar. Songs that they’d written or started writing when Sam was barely fifteen. But the people around me knew them all, better than I did actually. 

That was… pretty cool.

I left my seat as the guys were blowing kisses and throwing flowers into the crowd, stopped in a bathroom to check myself out, and followed Sam’s directions to make it backstage. The guys made it there before me, I could hear their excited voices from the hall as a security guard led me to their green room. We slowed as we got closer, and I stopped the guard before we reached the door, composing myself, slipping my coat off, smoothing my hair and controlling my expression. 

You should've seen his face when I walked through the doorway, slow clapping and wearing my best deadpan. They all turned their heads in my direction, but his face was the one I sought out. 

His cheeks were still flushed from the stage (he honestly goes crazy up there) but he immediately turned so bright pink I hoped his head would explode. 

“YOU’RE HERE! Holy shit, you’re here!” Sam rushed at me and instantly my feet were off the ground, he swung me around and I couldn’t help the smile that stretched wide as I laughed with him. 

“You’re sweaty! Put me down, idiot!” He dropped me to my feet and grabbed a hand, lifted it above my head and spun me in a circle.

“Look at you, you look hot, T!” His laughter cracked loud and joyous and my heart soared. He didn’t mean anything by it, of course, but he was right and I knew it.

Danny approached me next, taller and even broader than I ever remembered him being, and wrapped me up in another sweaty hug. “Good to see you, did you get tinier?” We laughed and I slapped him away. Then Josh caught my eye, arms crossed over his bare chest under an open black vest and leaning against the vanity, grinning. 

I moved toward him and he met me in the middle, opened his arms and threw them around me. He didn’t make fun of me, or comment on the way I looked. Our cheeks were pressed together and he turned his face and dropped a kiss to mine. “We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you guys too, more than you know.”

He let me go and his grin stretched into a blinding smile. “What’d you think of the show?”

“It was fucking awesome, I can’t believe you guys are like, legit rockstars! Seems like yesterday you were jamming in your garage.” Sam sidled up and threw a long arm over my shoulders.

“To be fair, we didn’t really stop jamming in the garage until last year, T.”

I knew that, I guess. But I’d missed it, and I’d missed the moment my best friend grew up. But this wasn’t the time to get weepy about that. I still had a mission to accomplish.

Turning out of Sam’s hold, I faced him. He no longer looked apoplectic, but his nostrils were flared and his arms were crossed, one hand running a finger across his chin below pursed lips. His focus was distinctly somewhere on the floor, but I walked toward him and watched his eyes connect with my boots and then travel, slowly, all the way up my body. 

Get a good look, asshole.

And he did, his gaze lingered for a fraction of a second on my hips, and then again on my chest before it finally met my face.

Say something stupid, I dare you.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” 

My own eyes rolled in my skull. “Good to see you too, Jacob. How have you been?”

His features twisted in confusion for just a moment before he smoothed them back out. Good.

“Fantastic, living the dream, ya know. How have you been, Tiny?”

“Oh, really good!” I crossed one arm, tucking it under my tits and pushing them up while I twirled a finger through a strand of my hair with the other hand. “I’m majoring in English and Writing and aced all of my finals this past semester. Just really living my best on-campus life. Work hard, play hard and all that.”

It was so satisfying, the way he’d accidentally looked at my chest and then failed to look back at my face until I was done speaking. I swear to you my pussy fluttered when he swallowed, hard, before responding. It was that satisfying. 

“That’s- ahem, that’s great. Glad to hear it. Thanks for coming by to say hi or whatever but we need to pack up our gear and head to the hotel.”

Nice try.

“Oh, cool! I’d love to come with you guys, I just miss you all so much.” His face started turning pink again before I looked over my shoulder. “Sammy! Can I come with and hang out at the hotel? Just for a little bit?” I whipped my head back, my hair swinging with it, to see his face before Sam even answered.

I wanted to see if steam came out of his ears.

“Fuck yeah! You can crash with me if you want!”

One corner of my mouth lifted and curled. “Perfect!”

I regret to inform you that no steam came out. But I think it was pretty close.

When I pulled in at the hotel, I texted Sam and he told me they were in the lobby so I flipped my visor down, checked my face and fluffed my hair. After a deep breath, I got out of the car and made my way inside. 

The hotel wasn’t anything too ritzy, and I figured despite it all, they weren’t that famous. Sam still looked and sounded like the best friend I’d grown up with, though there was something about him that had become more attractive. All of them actually exuded more… sex appeal? 

Ugh, musicians. 

My timing was pretty good, I entered the building in time to catch them getting in the elevator, Jake being the last left in the lobby. But we caught each other’s eye and instead of walking on, he backed up a step. The doors closed and the elevator rose without him. 

He stood there, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, and waited for me to reach him. When I did, he spoke before I could. 

“What are you doing here, T?”

I painted confusion on my face instead of the pure gratification I actually felt. “Visiting my friends? What are you-“

“Cut the bullshit. It’s unbecoming.”

Okay, that was a little wrinkle in my plan. I hadn’t even started shamelessly flirting with anyone yet and he was already cursing at me. I doubled down.

“I came to see them, Jake.” I pressed the button to call the elevator back down and crossed my arms.

“And what about me?”

“What about you?” Just as I glanced up, feigning more interest in the LED display of numbers as the elevator came down than this conversation, he stepped closer and gripped my arm. Pulled me closer.

It felt familiar.

“I’m not buying it. Come on.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened to an empty car, but he was already pulling me down a hall toward a stairwell door. It swung open as he shoved through it, yanked me through and pushed me ahead of him, and it slammed shut behind us.

The stairwell was silent, our breathing was amplified and bounced off the walls. His voice made me flinch.

“Third floor. Go.”

Four flights of stairs and two landings separated me from their room. That was fine, I could do it.

Except he stayed behind me the entire time and didn’t speak a word. By the time I pushed the door to the third floor open, my nerves were fried and I was still trying to discern his reasoning for taking the stairs. If he had yelled at me or pushed me to the wall and kissed me in the stairwell, it would’ve made more sense. Instead, he placed a hand low on my back and led me down a deserted hallway to room 307. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief, ready to abandon the plan completely and run to Sam, use him as a personal human shield for the rest of the night.

But he pulled a key card out of his pocket and slid it into the lock, and the heavy door opened to a dark, empty room. 

Jake stepped inside and flicked on a light, holding the door open for me. I didn’t move.

“Jake, what-“

“Get in here, we need to talk.”

It sounded like a terrible idea, I hadn’t come here to talk. I came to spend time with Sam and do enough harmless flirting with the guys to drive Jake crazy. 

“No. Where are the guys?”

He just stared at me for a tense few seconds before he sighed impatiently. “In Sam and Danny’s room.”

“And which room would that be, exactly? I’ll just go knock-“

“Please.”

I know, I know. Did he really have to go and ask nicely?

“Fine, you know what? You have five minutes then I’m the fuck out of here.” He had the nerve to give me a tight-lipped smile, lift his palm and wave me in as I started to pass him and head into the room. Then he let the door swing shut.

We were alone.

The room was pretty standard, two queen-size beds, a table and two chairs. Not exactly rockstar shit. I tossed my coat onto the closest bed.

“You want a drink?”

I dropped into a chair, crossed my legs and folded my hands over my knee. “No, I don’t. What did you need to talk to me about? You have four minutes.”

He pulled a White Claw out of the mini fridge, popped the tab and sat at the end of the bed closest to me. After a swig from the can, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. 

“Three minutes.”

“Jesus, give it a rest, T.” He pinned me with a glare and my eyes widened. “Don’t. Don’t act all affronted because you’re not getting your way, I’m sick of it.” 

“I don’t know what you mean, I-“

“Stop! Tell me why you’re really here.”

“To see Sam! I told you-“

He stood from the bed, leaned across me and slammed the can onto the table. I jumped in my seat, but then he bent down and gripped the arms of the chair on either side of me. Right in my face, he ripped me to shreds.

“I’m tired of this, T. Since day one, everything has always had to be all about you, your feelings, your stupid ideas, your fucking games.”

That was ridiculous and it straightened my spine, I sat up taller and put us nose to nose, but he didn’t stop.

“How many times have you come between us and Sam? Pitted us against each other? Run away when you didn’t get your way, with one of us or all of us?”

With a huff, he pushed himself away from me but now I was ready for a fight. Launching from the chair, my body followed his. “And what about you, Jake?  You spent years fucking with me, leading me on, just to humiliate me over and over again!”

“Is that really what you think?!” We were squared up now, hands flailing as we yelled in each other's faces. “I didn’t do shit, and you spent years avoiding me, making me feel awkward and unwelcome in my own house because God forbid I ever be in the presence of such a self-entitled, delicate fucking princess!”

“Oh, you fucking prick. Fuck you-“

“So eloquent, that’s really lovely Tiny.”

You already know that he said that on purpose.

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I was fuming, the steam was probably coming out of my ears, and that pissed me off further. Everything about this was infuriating, my night completely off-railed, my time with my friends ruined. I was done.

I threw my hands up and then put them on his shoulders, with all intention to shove him out of my way and walk out of the room with some part of my dignity intact, for once.

But that’s not exactly what happened.

Because once I touched him, the tension reached a breaking point. And boy did it break.

Before I could push him away, his arms were around me, his hands spread across my back, and he pulled me in. 

Yep, he was kissing me. 

Our mouths slammed together and all the anger, all the fury, combusted between them.

My own hands betrayed me and shot from a grip on his shoulders to a grip in the hair at the back of his head, still slightly damp from sweat or a shower at the venue, I had no idea. And I didn’t care.

He ravaged my lips until they felt bruised, opened them with his and forced our tongues to battle for dominance, sucked the air from my lungs until I couldn’t breathe. I pulled away to drag some back in but he hardly gave me the chance, tugging me back in to kiss my lips, bite my jaw, murmuring between the attacks. 

“Why are you really here…”

His hands slid up my back and sunk into my hair, pulled my head to the side so he could continue his attack on my neck, my throat.

“Say it, the truth.”

My brain was in shut down, I forgot what words were and how to make them. His teeth reminded me, scraping along my skin.

“You. For you.”

His lips closed over mine again and he was moving me, two steps backward and we turned, the back of my knees hit the bed where he’d been sitting. Our mouths broke apart, our hands fell away. The sound of our breathing, fast and uneven, thundered between us.

“I’m not gonna stop this time, T.”

My heart stumbled over its next few beats.

“I don’t want you to.”

We fell back into silence as he reached forward and slid his hands up underneath my shirt, rough fingertips pushing the fabric up over my ribs, my chest, I lifted my arms and let him pull it over my head and shook my hair out as he let it drop to the floor. 

There was just enough light coming from the only one he’d flicked on, and the moonlight spilling through the uncovered window, that I saw his nostrils flare. His eyes trailed over my lace and silk covered chest before meeting mine.

“You’re so beautiful,” My breath caught, I held it. “I’ve never told you how beautiful you are.”

I couldn’t speak, emotion squeezing my throat, the words I’d always wanted to hear from him tightening every muscle in my body. So instead, I mirrored his actions and tucked my fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. Soft, heated skin met my touch and I flattened my palms over his hips, up over his stomach and I swear he trembled. Seriously! When they made it to his chest, I could feel the hard, steady beat of his heart, rapid beneath my hand. 

Maybe he knew I could feel it, maybe not, but he leaned in and pulled a soft, sweet kiss from my lips before he took over and tugged the shirt over his head. 

“Jake…” His chest and stomach were lightly toned and completely flawless, a glimpse of which I’d gotten when he was onstage, shirtless under an open jacket. I wanted to tell him just how perfect I thought he was, he’d always been, but the words wouldn’t come. So I bent my knees and dropped to the bed, the barely there happy trail leading up from the low waist of his pants now directly in front of my face.

I leaned forward and kissed it. A strangled noise came from above me, I smiled against his skin. Then his hand was in my hair and he pulled, forcing my face up. He smirked.

“You ever done this before?”

Asshole.

Blindly I reached for and found the button of his jeans, popped it open and worked his zipper down slowly. 

“Please don’t piss me off, or I won’t be nice.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Just making sure.”

His grip in my hair kept my chin tilted up, eyes locked with his. I peeled the denim over his hips and pulled it down to his knees. Heat rolled off his body in waves, I was dying to look at it, take it all in but there was fire in his stare and I was burning. My fingertips mapped out what I couldn’t see, found the subtle V that led down into his briefs and traced it before I tucked them under the elastic and rolled it down his legs. 

Jake Kiszka’s cock bobbed in the air between his hips and my face. Crazy, I know. I wrapped shaky fingers around him, felt how thick and hard he was before I’d even seen it, tried to picture what I could remember from his dark bedroom.

“Fuck, T.” I tightened my grip on him, just a little, stroked him once. His eyes slid shut.  “I can’t believe you’re here.” I stroked him again and his grasp on my hair loosened, my chin dropped and there it was. As perfect as the rest of him, his dick was big, the head flushed pink. My mouth watered.

For real.

In that moment, I wondered quickly what he liked, how fast, how slow, how hard? My tongue slid out and tasted him, just the very tip, and he snatched my hair up again. The sting in my scalp made my eyes water and I opened my lips and took him in, wrapped them around him and swirled my tongue over his skin. He whimpered.

I could be remembering that wrong, but I swear he did.

He wanted to take control, I could feel it in the smallest amount of pressure from his knuckles on my scalp, but I wanted to be stubborn. I was tired of the control he seemed to have over every one of our interactions. I released him with a soft pop and his eyes shot open. 

“C’monnn,” he groaned. I took my hand off of his dick and pushed him back, he almost stumbled, his legs still trapped in his half-removed jeans. I stood from the bed, spun us around and reversed our positions, then pushed him by the shoulders to sit.

“Patience, Jake, patience.” I flicked the front clasp of my bra open and felt the unrestrained relief as my tits spilled out, then that flutter of satisfaction as his eyes went wide right before going soft and dreamy. What can I say, Jake’s a breast man. “Aht.” He’d reached for them, lifted his hands like he just couldn’t wait to feel them again, but they paused in midair. “I said patience.”

He huffed out a sigh and dropped them, so I continued. Made a little show out of unzipping my boots, sliding them off and peeling the skin-tight material of my pants down my legs. His fingers flexed against his thighs the entire time, clenching into fists and releasing over and over. I waited until I was left in just the lacy thong to instruct him to remove his pants. 

His boots were kicked off and denim tossed away in an instant.

And there we were again. Jake, fully bared to me while we stared at each other, my tits out and pussy covered. But this wasn’t going to end the way it did two years ago. 

Not if I had anything to say about it.

I dropped to my knees and his legs spread, making room for me to kneel between them. His cock jumped when I touched him, just my fingertips, up his shins and over his kneecaps before I placed my palms flat on his thighs. When I peeked up at him through my lashes, he was staring hard, jaw clenched and nostrils flared again. So I continued to trace my fingers over his skin, further up his thighs, over his hips, up and down his happy trail. 

Through gritted teeth, “Baby, please.”

Baby? I was throbbing, slick between my thighs already but that hit me like lightning.

I wrapped a fist around him at the base and took him all the way to the back of my throat.

I had to. 

A string of rough curses fell from his lips and a hand tangled in my hair, but I kept my composure, sucking him in and stroking with my fist, letting him sink as deep as I could without choking. His skin was hot velvet on my tongue, I could taste his desire, his need, and I couldn’t help the moan that rippled up my throat around his cock.

“Jesus fuck.” His hips jerked, I gagged around him, he fisted the hair at the back of my head and yanked me off of him. “Get up here.”

Remember how I wanted to maintain the control here? Yeah, I failed. 

He used his grip on my head to bring my lips to his, his tongue sweeping in to dance with mine immediately, his hands moving down my body to pull me up and into his lap. I threw my arms around him and rocked into it instantly, his roving hands landing on my ass and pulling me in, his dick rock hard and slick with my spit grinding against my silk-covered pussy.

Just like that, I lost control of my insolent mouth too.

The kiss broke and I rested my forehead on his, my eyes trained on what was happening between our hips. “God… I-“ The head of his cock caught on my clit, I gasped at the feeling. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Embarrassing, I know. But then… ohh then.

His hands skimmed up my ribs until they were cupping my breasts, thumbs grazing over my nipples. 

“I’ve wanted you longer, T. Forever.”

Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps ran up my arms, I shivered, my nipples tightened, and he pulled one into his mouth. He sucked and lapped at it, thumb still moving over the other, and without hesitation he sunk his teeth in. 

“Fuck yes, yes yes…”

His tongue circled it again and he released it, pressed a hot and fast kiss to my mouth. 

“You still like that, huh?” He chuckled as he opened his lips over the other side. The silk between my legs was soaked, I could feel how easily I was sliding over his cock, and I was getting impatient despite the way I’d reprimanded him hardly ten minutes ago. 

“Jake, please…”

He popped off of my nipple and pulled another kiss from my lips, then leaned back and let one corner of his mouth curl up, self-satisfied and cocky.

Still an asshole. 

“Please what, baby? Tell me.”

My eyes rolled, even as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck, nipped and licked me there.

“I want you inside, please fuck me.” Self-control, out the window.

“Mmm,” he hummed into my skin, “No.”

Before I could be properly offended, and believe me, I was, he gripped my thighs and hauled me up, then deposited me onto the mattress. Well, tossed me, really. I bounced once, arms and legs flailing, hair falling in my face. By the time I pushed it away and propped myself up on my elbows, he was standing at the foot of the bed, dick in his fist. I opened my mouth to speak, to yell at him or beg him to stick it in, I don’t know, but he was stroking himself, and he moaned. My mouth snapped shut.

“I’m not gonna fuck you,” I scoffed, offended, pissed even. “Yet.” He let himself go and placed his hands on the mattress, then climbed onto the edge of the bed and started crawling towards me.

It was so fucking hot. His cheeks were flushed, his hair wild from my hands, his eyes dark. I backed away, moving up the bed until my shoulders met the headboard. He didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t want him to. Instinctively, my knees bent and my legs fell open, inviting him in. But he didn’t settle there, when his hands reached me, he grabbed me by the calf and threw my leg over his shoulder on his way down. 

His mouth opened over damp silk and I cried out, his name or God’s, I’m not sure, but his lips and tongue were moving against me and I may have blacked out. I came to when one of his hands skimmed up my inner thigh, and he broke away long enough to slip two fingers under the material and tug it aside. 

Jake Kiszka’s tongue was on my actual, bare pussy. 

My shoulders sagged against the headboard as I reached for him, burying my fingers in his already tangled and unruly hair, our eyes met and he dragged his tongue over me again and again.

“Shit, you were right, this is better,” I panted. He smiled against my cunt and I felt it. I smiled too.

My cheeks hurt I was smiling so hard, until he laser-focused his attention to my clit. His lips wrapped around it and he sucked it past them, my jaw dropped. 

“Oh, oh my God, oh my God!” He was good at this. Too good. The beginnings of an orgasm were already swirling, tightening in my belly, making my toes tingle. The tip of his tongue moving against me until he opened his mouth over me again, and I felt it plunge inside me. The sounds I was making were unholy but I had no shame, I couldn’t feel anything other than need. I needed to scream, I needed to come, I needed him. 

He brought a hand up around my thigh and ran his thumb over my folds, licking himself as he lapped at me, then swirled it over my clit as his tongue fucked me. Before I could even moan, two fingers from his other hand replaced his tongue inside me.

“Jake!”

His head tilted and he pressed his lips against my thigh, kissed it and grinned. “Yes?” Fingers everywhere, filling me and fucking me, circling the most sensitive part of me - I forgot what I wanted to say, if I had even wanted to. Instead I pulled his mouth back, he slid his thumb away and flicked his tongue against me. 

“Yessss, yes just like that, please!” I let my eyes close and stars were already dancing behind my lids, I was close, so close, and I told him so. I moaned it and his fingers plunged deep and curled. I screamed it and he sucked my clit back into his mouth. 

I came hard, nails dug into his scalp, bucking my hips against his face, screaming his name. 

It was unreal. College guys had nothing, fucking nothing, on him.

Before my muscles had even relaxed, he lifted his head from between my thighs and moved up my body, his fingers still pumping slowly inside me as he kissed my hip, my stomach, my breast on his way up to my mouth. He tasted like me when my tongue touched his, and he eased his fingers from my body. 

“Absolutely fucking stunning, breathtaking.”

His breath was taken? I still couldn’t breathe, my chest continued to heave as he left the bed, taking my panties down my legs with him, and I could barely lift my head to see what he was doing. My eyes closed and I felt the mattress dip with his weight as he returned and settled on his heels between my legs, still splayed open. I cracked an eyelid and found him watching me, wrapped condom held between his fingers. 

Under his gaze, I shifted down until my head rested on the pillows, spreading my legs wider, pussy presented to him on a silver fucking platter.

This was happening. There was absolutely no way this was not happening. Not this time.

“Now, Jake.” Unrecognizable, my voice had a distinct sex kitten-like quality that I loved as soon as it hit my ears. He must have loved it too, because his dick twitched and he gripped it. I reached up and snatched the condom from his fingers, tore it open and started rolling it on while his eyes bugged out and his jaw fell slack.

“Jesus, not your first time, huh?” My hand replaced his around him and I stroked, he leaned over me and I guided the head to my center, moved it through the slick pool of arousal there. He paused, poised to enter me, and met my eyes.

“I’m pretty much out of firsts, Jake.”

His eyes closed, his hips rocked forward, and he pushed just past my opening, the tip not even fully inside me.

I tilted my own hips up, he slipped a fraction of an inch deeper. I whispered, and it was sexy, and seductive. “It could’ve been you.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, opened his eyes and we watched each other’s faces as he sunk deeper, slowly, to the hilt. “It should’ve been me.”

Stunned, speechless, we stayed like that. Unmoving, bodies connected, eyes locked. He broke first, dropping his lips to mine and rocking into me softly. A sound I’d never heard before, quieter than a moan, crept up his throat, trapped behind his lips as they caressed mine. My legs lifted, cradling him between my thighs and wrapping around him. 

It was gentle, sweet. The exact opposite of how I knew it would’ve been, if I’d let him be my first, thinking he wasn’t. 

I felt my cheeks warm, my eyes pool with tears. I blinked them away. This was everything I’d wanted and more. I knew I’d been an idiot to think otherwise. Especially when he pulled back and delivered a quick, deep thrust and there was no pain. Only pleasure bloomed inside me, hot and volatile. 

“Again, more…”

An excellent listener, he repeated it. Again, again, and I met each thrust with my own. Our kiss turned frantic, sloppy, lips and tongues clashing and pushing, pulling and taking. The temperature in the room was rising with the heat of our skin, our bodies slipping against each other. He lifted his chest from mine, hands braced on the pillows on either side of my head, and the conditioned air on our damp skin made us both groan in ecstasy.

I damn near came again, almost commented on it but he dropped back down and shoved an arm between me and the mattress, rolled us both. We laughed as we landed, his hair strewn across the pillow and mine falling in his face. My laughter stuck in my throat when he grabbed onto my thighs and pulled, tucking my knees against his hips and forcing me to sit. I propped myself up with my hands on his chest and fell back into the rhythm, my hips rolling. 

“Goddamn, you feel so good, look so good riding me.”

My head fell back as his words rippled through me, his fingertips digging into me, his hands moving my body over his. He brought one to my chest, squeezed me roughly, rolled my nipple with his fingers, pinched it. Hard.

“Yes!” He did the same to the other, my pussy clenched around him. 

“You like when it hurts a little, don’t you?”

“I- I don’t know, I guess so- ohhh!” He wrapped a hand around each tit and sunk his fingertips into my flesh, then kneaded them both, ran the pads of his thumbs over the peaks. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot. You’re fucking perfect.”

Yeah, I lost my mind a little bit. My hips bucked wildly in his lap. Perfect? Me? My nails pressed into his skin, I dragged them down his chest, reveling in the sharp hiss sucked between his teeth, the way his own hips lifted from the bed and he fucked into me. Sharp, fast thrusts hitting me so deep I was screaming his name. He sat up and pulled my face to his, kissed me hard, bit down on my bottom lip, and then tipped me backwards.

My head was nearly hanging off the end of the bed, but really, who cares? My ankles locked behind his back and he was slamming his hips into the back of my thighs.

Fuck, was I gonna come? He had to be close. I lifted my head, now very much hanging off the bed, to ask him.

Beep. Click.

His hips stuttered and paused, we both whipped our heads to the door, which was fucking opening. 

Josh appeared, his foot crossed the threshold and he was looking down at his phone. 

“GET OUT!!” We yelled in unison. Josh’s head popped up, his eyes went huge, and then he laughed. 

“Shit, sorry guys.” He started backing out into the hall, the door creaking closed. “About time,” We heard him chuckling to himself and the door clicked behind him.

Jake turned his face back to me and seemed to realize for the first time that I was barely on the mattress. An arm wrapped around my back and he shifted us until I could look him in the eyes.

“What the fuck…” I whispered up at him.

His smile was subtle and affectionate before it stretched to a full grin, and he huffed a laugh.

“There was no fucking way I was stopping.”

I matched his grin and lifted to pull a kiss from his lips. “Good.”

He tucked his face into my neck and began the roll of his body into mine again. I let my hands roam across his back as he kissed and nipped my skin and his thrusts picked up speed. The orgasm that had been teasing me before we were interrupted built again quickly, and Jake was panting in my ear. 

But then… then. A whisper. Low and deep, but a whisper nonetheless. 

My name, my real name, hit my ear and I gasped, right on the edge.

“Come for me. Please come for me.”

How could I say no?

It broke, crashed, consumed me. His name on my lips as I tightened, writhed, and shook for him. 

He didn’t stop, didn’t slow, he chased after me and followed into the flames. My name burned into my flesh by his kisses, a guttural groan as he came inside me. 

Easily the best orgasm I’d ever had. Easily.

Because he’s just a man, albeit an incredibly hot, multiple-orgasm-inducing man, he collapsed on top of me. I let him. I ran my hands over his sweat-dampened hair and the soft skin of his back and we both caught our breath. Then he started giggling. 

I pinched his ass. “What’s so funny, Kiszka?”

His head popped up and he propped himself on an elbow, a wide grin splitting his face in half, gorgeous. “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that, that might’ve been the best sex I’ve ever had.”

We both laughed as I slapped his chest. “Might be?!”

“Okay okay, you’re right.” He looked at me dreamily, his eyes bouncing around my face. “It was the best.”

Because I’m a woman, albeit a mind-blowing sex goddess, I started overthinking. I couldn’t help it! You should’ve seen the way he was looking at me. 

“Jake…” He lifted his eyebrows, I lifted a hand to his face, tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “What does this mean?”

Those eyebrows knitted together, a quick moment to think that over. Then he kissed me, soft and slow. 

“I don’t know what it means. But I do know this hotel has free breakfast downstairs, so be up and ready by nine.” His smile stretched again, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oooh, do you think they have French toast? That’s Sam’s favorite.”

He attacked me, tickled me until I had tears in my eyes, kissed me until I was breathless, and fell asleep with his arms around me.

The truth is, I don’t remember the exact moment I fell utterly, completely in love with Jake Kiszka. Maybe you should ask him. 

#greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #gvf fic #greta van fleet smut #gvf smut #jake kiszka #jake gvf #greta van fleet fanfiction #jake kiszka fan fiction #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka smut

[kvthgok]

Surprise? | Miguel O’Hara x Teen Spider Reader (Platonic)

Warnings- none

Summary - Durning a mission you get hurt and try to hide your injury from Miguel

Side note - IM SO SRRY YALL THAT I HAVENT BEEN POSTING LATELY 😭🙏. SOMEWHAT PROOFREAD BTWWWW (ALSO to those who did request ideas I DID read them and am currently writing them 🤍🤍)

It was like any other day in the spider society. Fighting and sending anomalies back to their earths. But things had taken a slight little turn.

You had asked Miguel if you could tag along on a mission with him. It had token some convincing but half of it was just you begging. Miguel didn’t really like the thought of you going on actual tricky missions. He would normally send you on missions to catch the anomalies of the week. But not serious dangerous ones, especially the new anomaly Spot.

As you and Miguel were standing on a building Miguel was going over emergency plans.“Okay kid if anything goes downhill and you open a portal back to HQ immediately. I’ll be fine and finish up the mission myself.” Miguel looked at you trying to reassure you that he would be fine if you needed to leave.

Miguel sighed and then looked at the mission in front of you. “Ok you ready?” He asked you. His tone shifted back to a bit more stern and serious.

Yup!” You Said putting on my mask

The two of guys both put on your mask then swung off the building to the chaos down there.

Skip time after fight (cuz I’m to lazy & suck dookie at writing fight scenes🤭)

Miguel had met back up with you and was checking to make sure you were alright.

“You alright kid?” Miguel said having a tiny hint of concern in his voice.

He was about to say something else but stopped himself. He didn’t want to seem to over protective.

“The mission was a success. Good job kid.” Miguel said instead with a slight proud smile

He looked down at you and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah you alright kid? You didn’t get injured out there right?” He didn’t look too concerned but he had that same small hint of worry in his voice.

“Mhm yeah im fine.” I Said with a Small smile.

You had lied. Your hand was hurting like a bitch. The anomaly had stomped on it while fighting. You only lied to Miguel so he didn’t have to worry. Your lie seemed to work though.

Skip few days

These past days Miguel has noticed you had been laying off one of your hands and questioned you one night about it.

“Kid remember that time on the mission when you told me you weren’t hurt?” Miguel asked with a neutral expression.

“Yeah..why?” You said trying to act normal.

Miguel sighed and looked at you for a few seconds. “Don’t try to act like your normal. I’m not that stupid. Show me your injured hand.” Miguel’s tone had shifted back to being stern.

You still tried to act like you didn’t know what he was talking about.

He sighed out of annoyance and called out for Lyla telling her to scan you. She did find something. Your hurt hand.

Miguel was more annoyed then anything at this point. He had known you were lying to him this whole time. “So your telling me you’ve kept this injury hidden for a few days and didn’t tell me?” Miguel asked you while looking annoyed.

You nervously smiled not knowing what to say, “Surprise?”

He had a pissed off look on his face as he looked down at you, “Your not funny.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you had an injured hand when we got back to headquarters. I could’ve done something about it.” Miguel said with a stern tone.

“I didn’t want to you worry that’s why I didn’t say anything about it.” I said scratching my head looking down

Miguel looked at you for a few seconds. You could tell he was trying not to lash out. He sighed a bit and then spoke. “The next time you have an injury like this tell me please. This injury could’ve gotten a lot worse if you kept quite and let it fester for long periods of time.” Miguel spoke with a gentle tone even though he was pissed.

Miguel looked down at you once more. He could see that you had learned from this mistake. “I get it you didn’t want me to worry. Just don’t make that mistake again.” Miguel said looking a little less annoyed about this.

“Sorry Miguel” I Said in a low tone

“Its alright kid but next time just tell me. I want to make sure your always safe alright.” Miguel spoke with his eyes looking slightly softer and less stern.

#atsv miguel #miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel spiderverse #spider man 2099 #miguel spiderman #miguel x y/n #miguel x reader #spiderman #miguel x you #across the spiderverse #fanfic #x teen!reader #teen reader #platonic #platonic friendships #miguel ohara #miguel o hara #miguel o’hara x y/n #spider society #spiderman 2099 #spiderman atsv #atsv #atsv x reader

[chaotic-super]

For Her Sake - Chapter 19

AO3 Link

Kara rushes to take a box out of Alex’s hands. Despite being told that she shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting, she’s still doing her best to make the day more difficult by having everyone keep an eye on her so they can snatch boxes out of her hands as she tries to carry them into the new apartment.

“Alex, can you please stop? This is hard enough without us having to babysit you. I know you don’t like to feel like you’re not pulling your weight, but you can still do plenty of work just by pointing your finger at where everything can go.”

“So you can rearrange it later? No thanks. I’m going to go and start unpacking Lori’s things.” Alex hands over the box to Kara and stalks off with a scowl. She really does get grumpy when she can’t help out the way she wants. At least the others didn’t hear her little tantrum because they are outside getting more boxes and furniture from the van that Lena so kindly arranged for them to get so they can move everything into their new apartment.

Kara sighs and sets the box down atop the coffee table so she can find the label scratched onto the side of it with a sharpie. ‘Kara bedroom’. “Ok.” She mumbles to herself, heaving it back up and heading to what is going to be her new bedroom.

This is only the third box set down against one wall and the second she’s taken in there herself, but her heart flutters as she steps inside. It’s been a long while since she’s had her own space. Of course, she loves her sister and her daughter, and she can’t complain about their living situation before, but having this room will be hers, just hers. That feels like magic.

Not to mention the fact that she’s going to have her own bed too. They have had to take out another loan so they can get beds and furniture, but even Alex wasn’t too stressed about it, and that’s telling. Having stable jobs has done wonders for calming her anxiety. Kara is keeping the old bed so Alex can have a nice, comfy new mattress to help ease her back on the harder days, something firmer with more support.

“Hey, you. Are you hiding in here?” Lena’s voice breaks her away from her train of thought.

“Sorry, no. I was just thinking, is all.”

Lena sets another box down on the pile, one aptly labelled ‘Kara’s clothes.’

“Penny for your thoughts.” Lena leans against the doorframe idly, her arms crossing over her chest and her eyes dazzling in the light streaming in from the window.

Kara’s lips curl up into a tender smile. “I was just thinking about how far we’ve come. From that other apartment and struggling to so much as put food on the table and the fear that we would be kicked out at a moment’s notice, which I guess did happen, to us getting lucky and finding this place. We both have jobs, Lori’s happy, I’m happy, I’m going to have my own space for the first time in god knows how long. I have my good luck charm of a girlfriend. I couldn’t be happier.”

Lena glides forward, wrapping her arms around Kara’s waist and resting her forehead on her shoulder. “For the record, you make me very happy too. I’m so proud of you guys for doing all of this.”

“Lena, you caused all of this. We couldn’t have done it without you. We owe it all to you.”

“I don’t think that’s true. I might have helped a little, but you would never have gotten this far if you didn’t have the drive and the love you do. Hell, you got the job at Reign yourself. Sam would have never hired you if you didn’t fit the bill for the staff she needed, and I wouldn’t have hired Alex without her expertise. You’ve got to give yourself more credit.”

“I can give myself credit whilst acknowledging how much you’ve changed my life for the better and being immensely grateful that I met you.” Kara nuzzles her nose into Lena’s hair briefly before leaning back and pressing her lips to Lena’s for a brief moment. She can scarcely believe that she can actually do that now.

Lena shakes her head at her fondly. “One day, I’ll get you to take a compliment.”

“I look forward to that day.” Kara presses another kiss to soft, red lips before pulling Lena to the door by her hands. “Come on, let’s go grab the rest of the boxes, I want to hurry so we can go furniture shopping.”

“I thought you were going to wait and do that in a few days once you’ve unpacked a bit.”

Kara shrugs. “Originally, yeah. We were going to wait until after payday, but then we realized that we still only have one bed and we want to get everything set up so we took out a little loan that we think we can pay off within a couple of months. Lori is super excited about having her own room, so it felt harsh to move in but tell her she can’t stay there because we haven’t bought her a bed yet.”

Lena nods along. “You don’t have to justify anything to me, but I think that sounds like an excellent plan. Besides, it’s probably a good idea to get it all while you have the van at your disposal. I dread to think what it would look like trying to fit anything more than a nightstand in Winn’s car.”

Kara points her finger at Lena. “That’s a very good point.”

“Ok, let’s go and get the rest of the stuff inside so we can go and do that.” Together they start heading out of Kara’s room, but as they pass Lori’s room, Lena spots Alex sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Hey, I’ll catch up in a minute, ok?”

“Sure,” Kara replies.

Lena ducks inside, taking up a similar position against the doorframe to earlier. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I’m just taking a minute.”

“Whilst pouting?”

Alex heaves out a sigh, leaning back into the wall and letting her head thump back into it. “I just thought I would be happier.”

Lena swings the door behind her until it’s almost shut and slides down the wall until she’s seated next to her. “Why aren’t you happy?”

“I don’t know. I expected to be all excited to actually move in and have a bed to myself. To have a proper space again and be back on my feet. Instead, I feel kind of…numb, I guess.”

“That’s ok, you know? Sometimes it’s the expectation that ruins a moment for us.”

Alex tilts her head towards Lena, her mouth twisting to one side as she thinks. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been too preoccupied thinking about what I could do, all the plans I had for getting everything set up and decorated, that I let my mind run wild, so when we got here and my back and legs started playing up, it kind of burst my bubble.”

Lena rests her hand on Alex’s shoulder, squeezing briefly. “It’s ok to be disappointed, you know?”

“I know. I guess I’m just angry that my disappointment is greater than my joy.”

“Then let’s get your joy levels up.”

“How?”

“We’re going to get the couch out of the van, then you’re going to sit your ass down, get the website up for whichever furniture place is closest and start picking stuff out. We’re going on a shopping spree on my dime. You can put your wallet away and let me help you spruce this place up.”

Alex looks at her, exasperation practically dripping out of every pore. “You know I’m not going to accept that, right?”

“Well, I’m already going to take Lori around the store and let her pick out what she wants. You might as well get in on the fun.”

Raising her eyebrow at Lena in challenge, Alex questions her. “Has Kara said you can spend money on Lori like that?”

“Of course not.”

“And If I was to offer a proposal of you getting Lori’s stuff and one item for me and Kara, would that stop you from trying to buy us more?”

Lena shrugs. “That depends on the item.”

“Dining table?”

“Done. I love having dinner with you guys but I have the cramp I get in my calf when I have to sit around that table.”

Lena stands up and offers her hand to Alex, who takes it and uses it to heave herself up off the floor. “Kara’s going to be pissed when she finds out.”

Brushing her off and throwing a cheeky grin over her shoulder, Lena calls out, “She’ll get over it.”

-

“Where have Lena and Lori gotten to?” Kara looks around, heaving her cart that has precariously balanced flatpack boxes stacked inside it that are too long and overhang the edges.

Alex shrugs casually. “How would I know?”

“Do you think we should pay for these things first, get them in the van and then come back in so we’re not lugging them around the entire store?” Kara questions.

“That’s a pretty good idea. We can do that and then find the others. I’m sure Winn, Sam and Ruby are meant to be helping us with this stuff too. Everyone got a cart so we could get everything but they’ve all disappeared.”

They go and pay for the one double bed they have stuffed into the cart and a pair of cheap nightstands. There’s still a lot more they could do with getting but this cart is full.

They get it loaded into the van, careful to stack it nicely so everything will fit when they come back with more, before they go back inside with their fingers crossed that they’ll be able to find the rest of the group. The group that they will never go furniture shopping with again.

“I think Lena might have taken her to find a bed and a set of drawers for her room so let’s head over that way.” Kara points in the direction of where she guesses they might be.

“Or we could just keep getting out stuff first. I’m sure they’re fine.” Alex tries to stall her.

Kara ignores her though, not even processing what she just said. “I have a feeling Lori will pick out the most expensive bed there is. We’ll have to deal with a pouty kid later on.”

“I don’t think so. I think she’ll be happy to sleep in her own room so she’ll forget all about it once we’ve got her set up.” Alex taps her arm as she spots something on the end of an aisle. “Hey, glow-in-the-dark stars you can stick onto a ceiling. Shall we get a pack for Lori? I think she’d like them, and it might ease her nerves if she gets anxious sleeping alone for the first time in a long time.”

Kara picks up a pack, checks how many are in there and determines that one pack is plenty. “That’s a really great idea, Alex. I hadn’t even thought about that. Now that you mention it though, I’m expecting her to wake me up, but I’m sure a little cuddle time will be enough to calm her down enough to get her back to sleep.”

Kara is both looking forward to sleeping alone in a real bed and dreading it. In reality, she thinks that she might be the one that is going to struggle with it. She’s not going to admit that to Alex though, she’ll call her a wimp and tell her to enjoy the privacy, which she will also be doing.

Tossing the stars into the cart, they get going again and luckily find Lena and Lori pretty easily. They’re hard to miss with the gigantic cart filled to the brim with stuff and a second cart behind them that Winn is pushing. One is filled with boxes of furniture, and the other holds a mattress and a bunch of smaller items.

“What in the world is going on?” Kara announces her presence with an exclamation of pure shock. “Lena, what’s happening right now?”

Lena looks back at her with her usual calm, suave attitude that isn’t currently doing much to calm Kara’s rapidly beating heart. She can’t afford all of that stuff. Half of it isn’t even necessary, it’s just random bits and bobs that Lori probably picked up on a whim.

“We’re getting stuff to decorate Lori’s room with, and before you panic, it’s on me. I’m determined to become her favourite person and I’m not above using money to take that role.” The joke falls flat with Kara, but everyone else chuckles at the quip.

“Lena, it’s too much.”

“Nope. It’s not and this is going to help some of my favourite people in the long run so I don’t regret it even a little bit.”

Kara shakes her head. “I can’t let you—”

“You’re not letting me do anything. I’m doing it and you’re going to either accept it and be mad at me or accept it and help us build this stuff when we get back to your place.”

“Have you always been this bossy?”

Lena smiles proudly knowing she’s won. “Yep.”

Kara doesn’t want to give in so easily, but Lori is perched on Lena’s hip with a massive grin while Lena smiles down at her like she’s the most adorable thing on the planet, which is kind of is. “Show me what you’ve got then.”

Lori wiggles to get down from where she’s being held so she can run over to Kara and drag her to the first cart. “Look, Mama. Lena’s getting me a princess bed!”

Kara looks down at the picture on the side of one of the boxes and her eyes just about bulge out of her head. “Are we sure this is going to fit in her room? This looks massive.”

Lena reassures her quickly. “Yes, I measured her room before we left. I actually measured all of the bedrooms because I figured you guys would forget.”

“We did,” Alex announces proudly, clapping Lena on the back as she passes her to peer into the cart Winn is leaning over while he yawns, not caring much for the shopping trip and wishing they would have let him wait in the van.

“I was going to get a normal bed, but given the fact that it’s a small room, I thought this would be better.”

Kara takes another look at the bed and has to admit that Lena has a point. It’s a raised bed with storage built beneath it on one side and empty space beneath it on the other side that is covered with a curtain that makes it look like a princess’ castle. It’s perfect for Lori and will solve their space issues. It completely negates their need for any other storage because there’s a wardrobe on one side with a couple of drawers. They can get a toy chest or something to go in the empty space and maybe a little set of shelves or something too. It’s perfect and very very expensive. It’s definitely out of her price range. “You’re sure?” Kara checks again.

“Certain,” Lena confirms. “I think we should get a little beanbag chair for beneath the bed so she can hang out in there.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m getting that though. Plus more storage for the thousands of toys you’ve got in that other cart.”

Lena shakes her head. “No, you’re really not. I’ve got Lori’s room covered.”

“Lena.”

“Kara.”

“Lori!”

Both women look down at the grinning little girl who just wants to be included and burst into a round of giggles. Lena swings her back up onto her hip and wriggles her fingers against her smile to draw a burst of laughter out of her. “Hey, Lori? You don’t mind if I spoil you a little, do you?”

Lori shakes her head quickly and Lena pins Kara with a look that screams, ‘I win’.

“That’s not surprising.” Kara’s shoulders sink as she fully gives in to the fact that Lena is about to buy everything Lori could ever wish for just because she can.

They keep going, Lori occasionally pointing at things and Lena offering up others before the little girl even sees them. Half of this stuff will end up in the living room because there’s no way all of these toys will fit in her bedroom.

Once they leave the kids' section, Kara sighs in relief. Alex already had to go and get a third cart for the storage unit Lena insisted on getting, the beanbag chair, and a bunch of other random things.

“This is it, right?” Kara asks, sounding almost desperate. “No more?”

“Well…” Lena trails off, now feeling a little guilty at seeing that her buying all these things makes Kara feel a little uncomfortable. “I promised Alex a dining table, but I swear that I’ll stop after that.”

The desperate look is replaced by one of confusion, her eyebrows pulling together and her lips curling down. “Alex asked for a dining table?”

“Well, I offered. I love having dinner with you guys.”

“But?”

“But my legs hurt sitting on the floor. I need a proper chair. I don’t care if that makes me stuck up either.” Lena goes straight into defence mode, only stopping when she sees Kara trying to hold back her laughter. “It’s not funny.”

“it is a little bit.”

“No.”

Kara pinches her fingers together but leaves a tiny gap. “A little?”

Lena opens her mouth to argue but doesn’t bother. She copies Kara’s hand movement before turning and pushing the cart away. “Hey, where the hell are Sam and Ruby?”

Kara shrugs. “I think they ditched us to do their own thing a while back.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. I was hoping they would come join us with their carts.”

“I already bought some stuff. Alex and I took it out to the van and then came back in so we wouldn’t be lugging it about.”

Lena nods approvingly. “That’s a good plan. Let’s go do that, and then I can fill these carts back up.”

“You can what?”

“Stand by and not buy anything else.” Lena huffs. “Except maybe—”

“No.”

-

Kara runs a hand down her face, harsh and uncoordinated. If she thought going shopping with the group was stressful, then she was sadly very, very wrong. This is stressful. Putting together furniture when someone else is trying to put together something else next to her, messing up her screws with theirs, and getting mad when they can’t find the screwdriver they tucked into their pocket ten minutes ago is one of the worst experiences of her life.

She’s certain that Lena had the right idea when they got back. She immediately had everyone help her take Lori’s bed into their room and then promptly banished everyone out of there so she could work on it herself, the door only opening so she can occasionally toss out the boxes when they’re empty or to use the hallway as extra space when she has particularly large parts floating around that she doesn’t need yet.

“Kara, have you taken my—”

“Under your knee. Stop accusing me.” Kara cuts Winn off, trying to figure out if the sweat dripping down her temple is more annoying than being accused of theft for the sixth time in a two-hour window.

“Oh yeah, thanks.” Winn grabs it, no hint of an apology in sight.

Huffing a little, Kara pushes herself to her feet. Stretching out her back as she stands and limping away because of the rush of pins and needles to her foot, she heads for the kitchen so she can grab a drink. She needs a minute away from the group before she throws something at them, something she’s only preventing herself from doing at the minute by reminding herself that they can’t afford to have to repurchase anything if it breaks.

Letting her eyes lazily wander over the drink options, she freezes when she sees a six-pack of beer sitting front and centre. She has no idea who bought it or when it got put in there, obviously sometime today, but she can’t pinpoint when, but she needs to know who did it so she can make sure they don’t do it again.

There are three missing from the pack, so she decides to do a little snooping and stealthily eyes the room of people in search of the bottles. One is found easily, right next to Alex, and another is on the floor just a few feet away from Winn, but the other is nowhere to be seen. Dread sits heavy on her chest.

Grabbing two sodas, she aims right for the hall to find out for sure.

Kara has to climb over the mountain of cardboard to get to the door of Lori’s room, and when she gets there, she knocks firmly. She doesn’t want to just open the door in case there’s anything on the other side that she could potentially knock over, so instead, she takes caution in her stride and waits for a response like a civilized human being.

The door cracks open a second later and when Kara sees Lena’s face, she has her answer.

“Lena?”

“I’m so sorry.” Lena turns away from her, her hands covering her face as she stoops over, tears freely running down her cheeks. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Lena.” Kara tries to get her to turn back around, but Lena is too busy sobbing into her hands and visibly despising herself.

Kara clicks the door shut behind her, careful not to close it too harshly so she doesn’t startle Lena. She looks ready to be pushed over the edge into a panic attack as it is, which won’t help anyone.

The bottle is half empty and has been propped on the windowsill. Kara stares at it for a moment, debating on whether or not she should go and take it out of here, but the chances are that doing so would make the situation worse, that it would make Lena believe that she’s judging her.

“Lena. It’s ok.”

“It absolutely is not.” Lena swings around to look into her eyes. Teary green meeting worried blue. “I shouldn’t h-have done that.” She loses her words to a sob.

“I should have made sure nobody brought alcohol here, I’m sorry.” Kara tries, moving forward to gently skirt her hands over Lena’s forearms.

Lena shakes her head with a ferocity Kara isn’t expecting. “It’s not your fault. If I were strong enough, this wouldn’t have happened. I should have been able to resist it. I should have—”

“You shouldn’t have had to do anything.”

“I didn’t know he was going to bring me beer, I swear.” Lena diverts the conversation, proving that her mind is whizzing at a hundred miles per hour, a million thoughts ricocheting through her mind as she tries to catch up with the situation and figure out what to do now.

Kara frowns. “Who? Winn?”

Lena nods. “Yeah, It’s not his fault though. When he asked if I wanted a drink, I didn’t know he meant alcohol or else I would have turned him down, but when he put the open bottle in my hand and left before I could say anything, well…I couldn’t resist. I was halfway through it before my brain kicked in and I realized I had just ruined weeks’ worth of work. I was doing so well and just ruined it for half a bottle of cheap beer that tastes like ass.”

“Lena. The fact that you stopped says a lot. Come on, you started this whole thing because you didn’t like relying on alcohol, having half a beer whilst hanging out with friends and building furniture isn’t relying on it.”

Lena sighs. “I understand why you would say that, but I don’t think I ever really told you the extent of my drinking.”

Lena moves to sit down, choosing the only properly clear space in the room, the area beneath the bed, which is pretty much fully constructed, just the doors to the built-in wardrobe left to be added along with the little steps up to the bed. Kara follows her, sitting beside her as their backs press against the wall.

“It was worse than I said originally. I was too embarrassed to tell you how bad it got. I was drinking a lot. As soon as I got home, I was drinking. If I ever had the odd day off, I was drinking. Hell, sometimes, I was drinking at work. I had a cart there and everything. Jess got rid of it for me, but I know that if she didn’t, I would have kept drinking.”

“So, you’ve come a long way. That’s a good thing.”

“Kara, if I can’t resist it when it’s offered, I won’t be able to be sober. I just spent weeks just about keeping myself together, and I gave up too easily. In your four-year-old’s bedroom no less. You should be mad.”

Kara shrugs. “Sure, I’m not particularly happy anyone is drinking in Lori’s room, but I don’t blame you, Lena. I’m not mad. Maybe a little tiny bit disappointed if you really want the honest truth, but this is a journey for you. A little setback isn’t going to stop you, and now you know how terrible it feels to fail, you can use that to keep you from doing so again.”

“It’s not that easy.” Lena angles her body away from Kara, ashamed and downtrodden.

“Addiction never is.” Kara scoots closer until their thighs touch. “I’m not about to condemn you, Lena. You should know that I will support you in whatever way I can. Yes, I have Lori to think about, but you’ve made it very clear that I don’t have to worry about you putting her in danger. If the time comes when I do become worried about that, that’s a conversation that will have to happen, but at this moment in time, I think you’re trying your best and just need a little more help to reach your goals.

“Stay tonight, and tomorrow we can look into what could help. Maybe therapy or AA meetings. This is your journey and we have to find a system that works for you, not one built out of shame or anger. Instead, we’ll build one out of compassion and support. That’s what’s going to help.”

Tears openly roll down Lena’s face. “Thank you.”

“Any time.”

“I just feel so dumb for doing that. I thought I was better than that.”

Kara reaches over and tangles their fingers together. “You are better than that. One action doesn’t define a person. What defines you is what you do now.”

“I’m not drinking again.”

“And I’ll be here supporting you. So will Alex and Sam and everyone out there. You just have to let them in. If you don’t want to tell them, that’s fine too. Either way, this apartment has a new blanket rule: no alcohol allowed.”

Lena sags against the wall, leaning over and resting her head against Kara’s shoulder. “That’s not fair to the others, especially Alex. She deserves to be able to drink in her own home if she wants to.”

“I’ll speak to her. She doesn’t drink often anyway, so I don’t think she’ll mind only drinking at Winn’s place instead.”

“I’m so glad I met you.” Lena nuzzles in closer.

“Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”

-

“Are you ready to see your room, Lori?” Kara asks cheerfully.

“Yes!” Lori jumps up excitedly and goes to run to her mom but Alex catches her, stopping her from doing so because there’s still a mess in the living room she doesn’t want her to trip over. Instead, she picks her up and sets her on her hip until they are in the hallway, which Kara and Lena have already cleaned up.

After their conversation, Kara sent Lena to clean herself up a little while she started tidying up before they finished the bed and the rest of Lori’s room together.

Kara didn’t know the true extent of all the things Lena bought for Lori until they were putting it all up and she’s been a cross between horrified and amused about the whole thing ever since. Logically, she knows that buying all of these things isn’t going to set Lena back any. She has more money than Kara can even fathom, but there’s still a level of guilt there. She isn’t with Lena for her money and she doesn’t want Lena to ever feel like she is. On the other hand, this is for Lori, who deserves the world. Kara can see how wonderful of an opportunity this is for Lori and can’t turn down Lena’s generosity when it helps Lori. Not that she thinks Lena would let her turn it down if she tried.

Lori grabs Lena’s hand as she passes her, which visibly eases the tension in her shoulders, and Kara is glad for the fact. She may have been able to help calm Lena a little and to reassure her that she’s not going anywhere, that she’s here for her, but there’s just something about the unconditional love a child can bring that Kara can see is healing Lena’s soul.

“Come on then, Ms Lori. I think you’ll like it. We’ve done our very best to make it a room fit for a princess such as yourself.” Lena pins a smile on her face, one that just barely reaches her eyes, but Kara doesn’t care. It’s progress and she’ll take it.

Kara grins as Lena opens the door annoyingly slowly to get Lori to pout a little before she opens it fully and allows her to see her new room. The space that is all hers, something she hasn’t had since before the accident, something she barely remembers, if at all.

“Do you like it?” Kara asks, already knowing what the answer will be.

Lori squeals. “I love it! Mama, I’ve got a castle bed!”

“Yes, you do, baby.” Kara strokes her hair, watching as Lori dives onto her bed, climbing the steps at a pace she didn’t know she could manage.

“Mama, Lena, look!” Lori bounces gently, peering down over the raised side that’s made to protect her in case she rolls in her sleep. “Look at the pretty stars!” She points up at the ceiling, the glow-in-the-dark stars already starting to shine as the daylight fades, marking how long they’ve been working on the apartment.

Lena moves closer to the edge of the bed, looking up at the stars. “Don’t tell your mama I said this, but those are my favourite, and she got you those.” She stage whispers, making Lori giggle.

“Me too, me too.” Lori laughs, holding her arms out for Lena to lift her off the bed so she can get to exploring the underneath part of the bed where the beanbag chair and toy storage is. Lena even managed to find a kid’s bookcase in a soft pink that matches the curtain perfectly for all of her books.

Kara wraps her arm around Lena’s waist, pulling her closer as Lori switches to completely ignoring them in favour of her new toys. She was unhappy when she was told earlier that she would have to wait until her room was done to play with them because they needed the space to build, so she’s making up for lost time. Kara does not doubt that she’ll have to pick Lori up off the floor, where she’ll pass out in a river of toys later.

Lowering her voice, Kara rests her head against Lena’s. “I know you think today has been a bust but look at her. Look how happy she is. You did that. I’m hoping I can make you as happy as she is one day. With how much crap we’ve faced since we’ve known each other, I think we’ve got a pretty solid foundation so far.”

“Me too, but just for the record, we might have only just started dating but so far, you’ve made me very happy.”

“You’ve made me happy too.”

Read chapters before anyone else on Patreon here!

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #kara x lena #fanfic #cw supergirl #supercorp endgame #supercorp fanfic #chaoticsuper

[wrenreid]

Off Limits

Part Twenty-Seven

My freshman year of high school, I was put into a junior level government class. I was only in there because it was the only class that fit into my schedule other than ag classes I couldn’t have been less interested in. I didn’t talk much in the class because everyone was older than me, and they thought I was a kiss up because i always made good grades. I didn’t particularly love the class, but of course, I still did my work and did it well.

Toward the end of the year, we did a mock trial. We drew for positions within the trial, mr flynn the judge. I drew attorney.

The case was a business lawsuit, I was the lawyer who was going against the business for their supposed cruel acts.

Mr. Flynn told us that we would receive extra credit if we dressed up, so me, a fourteen year old with a desperate need for academic validation, borrowed one of my mother’s pencil skirts and a suit jacket from my dad. I looked like a mini Aaron Hotchner, even my mom said so.

I remember preparing for the trial for at least a week, being a little excited about the project. I wanted to win the case, especially since I was, as I believed, on the right side of the law.

My opposing attorney was Noah Kincaid. He was a smart but cocky kid who also cared about winning the trial.

I remember standing up from my desk when is was my turn to ask questions to the kid under oath. I felt as though I had stepped into myself for the first time. It was just a mock trial that lasted half an hour, but I felt proud and confident. I was good at it.

Mr. Flynn pulled me aside after class and told me I should consider law school in the future. He said, and I quote, “The way you handled yourself was the most confident and concise I’ve ever seen in a student. You surprised me, Hotchner.”

I didn’t take it to offense that he said my skills surprised him. In his defense, he’d only heard me talk when I turned in a paper or answered a question, which the latter was usually rare since I didn’t particularly like to “show off” in front of juniors who already thought I was a kiss ass.

I did, however, take his first sentence as a compliment. I was confident and my statements and questions were concise.

I smiled, nodded, thanked him, then left. A lawyer was not on my top five career choices at the time. I didn’t want people to think I was doing it because of my father. I was definitely not. But after some research and a few binge watches of crime shows, I knew I actually did want to be an attorney. Not because of my father but almost in spite of him.

My dad quit his job as a lawyer and took the job Agent Gideon offered him at the BAU. I resented him for it, still do, but that’s besides the point. He wasn’t around much in my most influential years, and at fourteen, I decided I would be a lawyer, and if I happened to have a family, I wouldn’t take a new job that prevented me from being there for them.

So now, I’m currently four weeks away from grad school and three years away from the BAR. And I’m going to rock the shit out of them both. Because I can and because I’m determined. It’s also way less about my unresolved daddy issues now than it was in high school and even some of college, it’s a dream of mine.

Spencer has made it his mission to make sure I enjoy the last month of summer as much as I can. He’s taken me out on a million dates like picnics, movies, late night drives around the city and out into the country, and more every chance he gets between cases.

At least now we don’t have to sneak around and lie about our relationship. Though I was prepared to keep this from my dad for however long necessary, I’m pretty glad we accidentally outed ourselves at my graduation dinner.

My dad cooked a big meal for me, some family, friends, and we invited the team too. Spencer and I didn’t even sit near each other. We barely talked the whole dinner just to be safe.

But as love-sick, horny couples do, when we saw an opportunity to take a minute alone, we did just that.

Having your father catch you making out with a guy will never not be awkward, but when the guy happens to be his employee, it’s fucking weird.

Though, I will say, the look on his face was priceless. I’ve hardly seen him have that much emotion on his face.

After a very awkward, flushed-face, and stuttered explanation from Spencer and me, we were able to calm my father down. He was a lot more excepting than I expected; I think he finally realized he can’t dictate my life, and he saw how happy we are together.

The rest of that dinner consisted of a lot of teasing from Derek Morgan, my brother being grossed out by me having a boyfriend, and everyone asking about law school.

I’m excited and anxious to start the rest of my life as a law student. I’ve prepared for this for nearly 8 years now, and I’m getting closer and closer to my dream career. It’s terrifyingly exciting. I’m grateful to have my family and Spencer by my side through all of this.

hey, so this is it for this story! this is also most likely it for my fanfiction in general.

and for a little life update: i started college a month ago, and i’m adjusting to my new life which has been interesting and scary and fun. im also in a healthy relationship and have been for a while which has been pretty amazing. i hope all my mutuals/ readers are doing well. thank you guys for sticking around :)

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @lovejules888 @marimorena06 @daph-421 @idkusername8787

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid angst #spencer reid #mgg x you #spencer reid smut #mgg angst #mgg fic #spencer reid and reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid series #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #mgg #dilf spencerreid #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x fem!readr #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid x original female character #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid hair #dr spencer reid

[littledigits]

That time when working in animation made me realize I needed therapy

Since we're on the topic of overworking / being passionate in animation and blah blah blah.  I want to share my story about working on the first season of Hilda (for context I was the animation director), specifically..how completely garbo my mental health got because 

I INSISTED ON WORKING MYSELF INTO THE GROUND. 

This is a story I've shared when I've had a chance to do lectures or talks, and if there is one really awesome thing that comes with ..weird ..animation clout, its that you can use those powers for good in terms of teaching people about the BS that comes with the job...anyway.

The reason why I like to talk about this is because I insisted on doing it to myself, and that was really got me thinking about the factors that do lead us into over working. Because heres the deal

Hilda season 1 was, without getting into too many details, a heckofatime...especally for the core crew. we were a small group, doing something new because most of us haven't worked on a show before that included pre production. My entire career up to that point had been working on service work for shows that were created in Burbank, so the new pipeline had a ton of challenges. We did all care, and we all believed in the project SOOOO much. I would tell people not to work over time, because I want my team to leave on time - but I was there...a lot. Leaving the studio by 11pm , working through the weekends..it wasnt an uncommon thing for me. sure , it wasnt all the time, but this stuff spans years sometimes so it went in waves. But whenever the challenges came up, i doubled down. because I super believed in it.

  And the thing was - other people told me to stop. I had a lot of valid concerns given to me by my friends and team members who saw how I was burning myself out at both ends. And I thought like, well , its my *choice*.  Its my chance to have a voice and be creative and try to do something different and we all have to push ourselves and yes its HARD but. THATS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT? surely if I just make sure I’m the one overworking and my team isn't.. that's fine. 

Well, no, I was immensely effecting my team maybe I wasn’t telling them to work late, but they were seeing me get more and more tired and stay later and later.  I thought they would still approach me for help, or if they struggled. But the issues they had they kept to themselves without wanting to put more on my shoulders. Because they *cared* , just as much as I did ..and we all took more on our shoulders then we should have and there were a lot of things that I could have solved had I fostered a better communication environment.  I became really resentful in my head over the smallest things, I actually saw myself becoming a more hateful person and easily annoyed. I came home every day rambling about the frustrations. Now, let me preface this by saying - my mental state did not only have to do with overworking. I had and have things still to unpack, but the control I had over work and the validation I got from it was a coping mechanism for me. I really didnt think i had any worth as a person outside of this job. It basically was a very nasty cycle that didnt stop until ...well I had gotten so bad I had to.  By the end of the first season I was actually incredibly close to quitting . I was in big anxiety attack territory because I was so worn thin- I had started therapy but eventually moved onto getting medication as well and that was what allowed me to stick it out. ( I have the same therapist and I am on the same meds, it was very hard to do at the time, but i cant imagine my life now without making that choice ). After it was done I was immensely supported by the studio and worked part time as a trainer, which is what i requested to give my brain a break. (Only a few of my closer friends knew how bad I was getting but it was pretty obvious I needed to rest) I'm really proud of the work we did and we keep doing on the show, ..and some other people may have gone through something similar and found it was worth it, but thats not me. I still struggle not to fall back into that mindset, but it helps knowing that if i keep myself out of it , i can help my team out of it, because I know they care about this show just as much as I do. I’m not a martyr, I am a leader, and its up to me to keep myself healthy so I can keep my crew healthy.   I always strive to be better, but i get to decide what that looks like - and for me ..better has nothing to do with the image on the screen. Its got more to do with the experience of the people around me. Readjusting those priorities has helped a lot with keeping my head above water and not add to the pressure that makes it so hard not to get sucked down in the first place.  I do think its good to talk about though , how our passion and language and drive can lead to a lot of us being a part of this cycle. And if theres one good thing about the challenges, its sharing them so at least others can learn faster then you did ;) . take care of yourself friends.

#animation #animation industry #director talk #i still think of how many people told me to stop and how i didnt #i tell people to stop and they dont but i do understand why #thats why this shit is ingrained and its more then just words #here you go a big long animation ramble :D

[eyeofnewtblog]

Just had a really weird job interview that actually made me think about my childhood…(I said I was independent and resourceful and was asked to provide examples)

My dad bought me my first car, but as soon as I had my drivers license, he told me I was grounded until I knew how to change a tire and change my own oil. I was grounded for about a week. The only help he gave me was showing me where the owners manual was and a few forums about my specific model of car.

My dad, while I was getting my permit to drive, required that I drive him up to the local Indian reservation for casino night (he would keep $150 in his right pocket and as soon he was out he would leave, he kept the winnings in his left pocket and as soon as he was $300 up we would leave) also he tried to teach his most mathematicalally challenged child how to count cards at black jack? Not a successful enterprise. I barely passed high school chemistry.

When I was twelve there was a cross continent moving situation that required my dad and I to move ahead of my mom and middle sister (this is the time he lit the stove on fire from trying to fry bacon…) after the stove incident, he dug out the recipe cards his mother had made for my mom when they got married, shoved them at me, along with the cordless 1990’s phone and said “I’ve dialed your Aunt Rock, (his older sister) Daddy wants biscuits and gravy, make her walk you through it.”

That’s how I learned to cook; having my aunt on speed dial and I would tell her what was in the cabinets, she would make a list for me to give to dad, and then she would walk me through the recipe. As I cooked it.

As a teenager, my dad knew that I was capable of cooking exactly what he wanted (IE exactly what his mom and big sis cooked while he was growing up) and as an adult I’ve had to actually learn to enjoy cooking as an actual experience and process and not just “what I was told��

When I was 21 my dad spent about $700 on brand new parts for a car I owned that was falling apart…I spent my 21st birthday drinking beer on my dad’s driveway tearing apart my van to replace rotors and brakes, while my boyfriend at the time and dad sat back and did nothing while calling me a great little grease monkey.

Honestly, I’m still not sure if I’m proud or humiliated by that, but the grease monkey comment came from the bf and he didn’t last much longer…

I don’t know. Obviously I didn’t make myself quite this vulnerable when I was in the actual interview, but it feels good to be vulnerable after the fact?

I just feel like my dad gave me a lot of tools to figure shit out for myself, and being resourceful is actually a really great quality. Feeling? Idk.

Being resourceful gives you independence.

Because any problems that come up? There’s either a YouTube tutorial, a blog, or SOMETHING available as a resource. And if you’re out of internet service???? There’s literally a book in your glove compartment somewhere telling you what to do.

#humans are space orcs #independent action #be your own Prince Charming #he’s stuck in a tree go rescue him #my dad is a hot mess #no idea how to cook #it’s okay he’s got three daughters.two sisters.and a wife #what kind of engineer needs to distract himself like that

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

#art year in review #anime-grimmy #fanart #sketch #comic #animatic #undertale #trigun #legend of zelda #monster hunter #kingdom hearts #undead unluck #genshin impact

[urfavbooblover]

Letter with lipstick || Ada Wong x female reader

Warnings: none

(remind me if I missed any)

- Resident evil 4 masterlist link -

Y/N’s pov:

Earlier:

Sitting on my bed, i stared down at the letter in my hands. Her handwriting was beautiful, less of the words she wrote to me. She’s on a mission again, all the way in spain and couldn’t tell me one thing about it, neither why she was there. “It’s important”, she committed to the paper i was holding.

She just ended the letter with “Love, Ada”, as my eyes landed on the kiss she placed right next to it, with the lipstick she always wore. The kinda red i love seeing on her and she knew all about it. I let out a sigh, “The woman that you are, Ada.”, i said, folding it together again.

Ada and I are close, too close just to be partners. We ‘slipped’ one time and in the next moment you saw our lips all up on each others.

I missed her. I couldn’t stand the thought of now not seeing her again for who knows how long. She’s good at what she’s doing, fulfilling her job just for everyone to be more than satisfied and i was feeling proud of her, for how far she has come. But the thought of losing her, especially when she’s so far away, has taken over my brain.

I informed myself about the situation, asking everybody for detailed answers. Anybody needs to know where she’s at, no? They weren’t down right away to tell me, but eventually gave in. Who were they to stop her from going there? Exactly, she did her own thing, going after what’s happening in rural spain.

“I need you to take me there.”, i commanded, standing tall against them. There was nothing they could do about this either. I’m not easily giving up, someone must have the trust to let me ‘surprise’ my woman. At least that’s what i liked to call it. I know Ada will be more than caught off to see me, however she wouldn’t mind. Quite the opposite. I can’t expect much different than a nice welcome.

Present:

Now here i am. I’ve been dropped off by the helicopter and one of my kind co workers who brought me to this place. I can thank him a lot for this, i guess i owe him something but that’s not my worry yet. I have to find her. So i didn’t think much, i rather started looking at the area around me.

It looks like a farm, the area is completely destroyed. I walked over dead bodies, scrunching up my face in confusion. Nothing i’ve never seen before, but someone must’ve been the cause of this. Was it Ada?

I was informed about a little story, so i went careful into this. I was here for only one thing actually. Ada. Whatever comes in my way isn’t as much as important as her, nothing is. No one else. I was ready to be confronted by her pretty self and sped up my walking through the paths and winding ways.

I was prepared for everything. I had my weapons and all that i could possibly need. I’d do anything to bring us both out of here. Anything for us. She surely knows i don’t give up easily and most definitely wouldn’t on her. No one even compares to her and the way she makes me feel. There’s no one quite like Ada.

I needed answers though. Am i really on the right track? I guess i was answering my own questions and thoughts when i came across a giant creature laying eliminated on the ground. Who else could’ve defeated it? She was here, i was more than convinced.

I jogged along the stony and muddy path, when i suddenly heard something. I slowly moved forwards to where those sounds came from, confirming myself that i’m hearing voices. It was all blurry and i didn’t know whose it might be. Till i made out the statute of a familiar woman. My eyes landed on her, my woman.

“No way..”, i whispered to myself, taking one more step towards her. “Ada!”, i shouted, catching her attention. Her body turned around, slightly facing me. I felt something in my stomach, when i saw her face. She immediately recognized me, her gaze softening but then again with confusion written all over her. She was completely stunned and couldn’t seem to move.

“Y/N?”, she said in a questioning tone, as i moved over to where she was standing. I was about to open my mouth, before i glanced down. A man stood there, his eyebrows were furried together as my face expression could be read as jealous. Who the fuck is he?

“Y/N. Look at me.”, i heard her soothing voice close to my face, interrupting my staring interaction with that guy. I slowly turned my head, seeing the slight worry on her. “What are you doing here? How did you get here in the first place? Are you hurt?”, she placed her hand on my arm, only ever showing so much weakness around me.

“I’m okay, Ada. I came here just for one reason, it was a pretty long flight.”, i explained, looking into her eyes that always shined so beautiful. “What about you?”, i asked as she moved her hand down to grab my own. “I’m on this mission, i was doing fine till i saw you. Now i’m feeling even better.”, she gave me a small wink before that strange man interrupted us.

“Uhm? I’m still here.”, he said in a nervous tone, letting out a playful chuckle. “Who is-“, “I have a deal with him.”, Ada interrupted my question, knowing what i was about to ask. She knew how protective i can be of her. Not in a controlling way though, most things i do are out of worry, making sure she’s doing as okay as she always claims.

“I got a name too, lady.”, “I’m Luis. You must be that girlfriend Ada kept mentioning and talking about.”, he continued. Ada’s eyes widened in response as a smirk formed on my face. So she called me her girlfriend behind my back? “Well yes i am.”, i confirmed very proudly, as i could see a rose color appear on her cheeks.

I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, taking her hand in mine. “I missed you, Ada.”, i whispered and watched her nervous state. “I missed you even more, Y/N.” I smiled at her, before looking down at Luis once more. “You surely don’t mind.”, i said, pulling Ada with me as we walked away from that scene.

“Hey! How am i supposed to get up here though?!”, Luis yelled after us, all desperate. We both chuckled to ourselves and i took Ada to a quiet place. I moved close to her body, our face just a few inches apart. “I came here just for you.”, i whispered, tilting my head a little to the side.

“Oh what would i do without you, Y/N.”, Ada responded in her typical flirty voice. “Be glad you have me.”, i muttered, closing the gap between us. It’s been way too long since the last time i felt her soft lips against mine. They tasted just like cherries.

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #resident evil 4 remake #ada wong #ada wong x reader #ada wong fanfic #ada wong imagine #ada wong resident evil #resident evil ada wong #resident evil x reader #resident evil imagines #resident evil one shot #resident evil au #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil fandom #resident evil fic #resident evil 4 x reader #x female reader #x nonbinary reader

[tomorrowxtogether]

YEONJUN: “It’s the one and only time I’ve ever truly been in love with something I’m doing”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Name Chapter: FREEFALL comeback interview

2023.10.26

YEONJUN, an artist firmly planted in the now, took a look back at the times when he didn’t feel he amounted to anything at all.

​I heard you have some new hobbies, including photography and listening to vinyl records. Is there a reason you’re taking pictures with special equipment now?

YEONJUN: As you know, I’m always having my picture taken by cameras. One time I was hanging out with a friend and they showed up with their camera. I saw the photos they took when we met some time later and they were amazing. I wanted to be able to do that, too—to look back on memories of everyday moments that would otherwise just pass by and capture them instead. The photos I take will be more than simply what the other cameras capture of me—they’re my very own behind-the-scenes look at things.

You mentioned that you’ve become more introverted and that you’re devoting more time and energy to yourself.

YEONJUN: I used to always meet up with friends whenever I had some downtime, but now it’s like I keep looking for things I want to do alone. I mean, my job requires that I’m constantly in front of other people.. At some point I took a look and realized I didn’t have a single minute to myself. I felt like I needed some time exclusively for me. I never used to like eating alone, but at some point, it became something I felt comfortable doing, and I ended up with more time to recharge my batteries while quietly writing lyrics or cleaning up my room.

It sounds like the change happened while you were figuring out for yourself what your needs are.

YEONJUN: I habitually end up taking a look at how I’m doing, so I’m usually pretty self-aware.

Since you know yourself that well, you must be very aware of how you come across to others. Is there any special reason you carefully pick out your outfits, even on just regular days?

YEONJUN: With my job and everything, I always make an effort to dress decently, even on regular days. I think your outward appearance is important in this job, and paying attention to small details like that is one way I take care of myself.

​You’re very hard on yourself, so you usually aren’t totally satisfied with your own performances, but you said, for the first time “in the longest time,” you were “satisfied with” and “proud of” your performance of “Back for More (with Anitta)” at the 2023 MTV Video Music Awards.

YEONJUN: We do the same dances hundreds of times for every song, so I can tell when I’m doing a good job or not. In most cases, there’s parts I’m a little unhappy with. Maybe I didn’t manage my energy properly, or I missed a move, or became a little stiff, and even if mistakes like those don’t show, we know. Those are the kind of small details only we notice, and even if people say we did a good job, we just feel bad about it no matter what. I feel like it’s hard to pull off as well as we do during practices because of the different outfits and our physical condition on the actual stage, but I felt like I actually was as good at the VMAs as when we practiced, so I was happy with the performance.

Did you plan every single thing in advance while practicing, like how to move your body without a single issue by carefully thinking through your movements down to the angle of your legs and the small details with your toes?

YEONJUN: It’s habitual now. You don’t think about how you should hold your spoon when you’re eating—you just eat. Similarly, the same thing applies to everything from angles to small details when practicing because all of those things have to be perfect. I don’t set out to pay special attention to any particular part when dancing—it just comes naturally to me now that I’m always paying attention.

I was really impressed the way you suggested to the other members of the group that you treat practice like the real thing for Lollapalooza Chicago, or how you actively contributed ideas on how to improve things when you were working together with the backup dancers from overseas.

YEONJUN: I think that was a result of me feeling like I’m responsible when it comes to matters of the stage. I want to be free and loose when performing at a festival, but looking back, it felt to me like we came across less like having a good time before and more stiff. So I thought, if we can’t just go in right away feeling loose, we need to practice that. And I naturally learned how to work better with backup dancers thanks to all the experience I’ve had. I’ve been working with all kinds of people ever since I was a trainee, and I learned that it’s better even for the people you’re collaborating with if you don’t hold anything back and just speak openly about your thoughts. I also feel like you have to know how to put a somewhat laid back, comfortable atmosphere in place in order for things to go smoothly.

You once said that “whether it be the biggest venue or the biggest stage for a singer, I want to perform in it.” Since then, you headlined Lollapalooza and performed at the VMAs. Would you say that, to some extent, your wish came true?

YEONJUN: Very much so. But I still want more. Humans are greedy. (laughs) I want to push our boundaries as far as we can. Playing on big stages is a significant source of motivation for me. Achieving one thing doesn’t mean it’s the end. I don’t want to slide back when we’re already up here. The more we grow and deliver good results, the bigger the expectations from the audience. I think the higher you climb, the harder the fall can be, and that pushes me to keep obsessing over getting better. But most importantly, I don’t want to let myself down.

our third studio album is about gliding down toward your dreams while also taking on the real world. Are you experiencing any “growing pains,” like in the lyrics to the single “Chasing That Feeling”?

YEONJUN: I know I have a lot of room for improvement, but I don’t really want to show that part of me to other people. I know just how much I still have left to work on. That’s why I have to work harder and why I’m so obsessed with the idea. It’s something that eats away at me sometimes, but I also know that it helps me grow, so I don’t shut it out. And that’s why I really want to capture that drive in our latest single. I want to be totally absorbed in the song when I’m performing it for people.

I’m reminded of when you were recording the previous album and you were frustrated because you were having a very hard time putting the direction you received into practice even though you understood it. What were things like this time around?

YEONJUN: It was like that this time too. Some songs are suited for my voice and easy to sing, but there’s also songs that make me go, What —am I seriously this bad? (laughs) “Happily Ever After” was hard because the really high and thin style is a bit different from my own, and yet “Growing Pain,” even though it was my first time trying something like that, was actually fine. I’m really into rock these days and it was fun because I think I really leveled up while singing it. I wanted to show off that I’m good at stuff like this, too.

You helped write lyrics for five songs on this album, and you always give your lyrics a really trendy, unique spin. What’s your approach to writing?

YEONJUN: I’m actually getting a little bit confused lately. The writing process didn’t go so smoothly this time around. (laughs) I don’t think it’s easy to incorporate my usual writing style with the kind of storytelling that the label is after. I actually thought I had a good grasp of that before, but not that much of what I wrote was a good fit for the album this time, I guess. (laughs) Bits and pieces of my lyrics made it in, but it feels like I wasn’t grasping the right feeling or like I wasn’t quite sure of myself when I wrote them.

It’s like the more you feel that sense of conflict, the more you crave to be creative.

YEONJUN: I’ve had that exact same thought lately. (laughs) I’ve also been working on a mixtape, but writing the lyrics has become a bit harder, and that’s because I’m trying to write good ones. I feel like I can’t really get going—maybe because I’m too worried about being perfect. It’s like I used to write freely before but now I have so many hang-ups that it’s like torture trying to write, like, Man … What now? Once again, it’s all because of the pressure I put on myself.

For all the pressure you’re feeling, you sure show a lot of pride and self-confidence. How can you consistently feel so proud of your group when you’re practically a perfectionist when it comes to your own work?

YEONJUN: I just … I just feel confident. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough and I lose some of my self-esteem, but I don’t think I’ve ever lost my sense of pride in the group or in myself. To be honest, there’s going to be some people who think we’ve had some things relatively easy thanks to how good our label is and the artists here that came before us. While it’s true that we got help from so many people, we’re the ones who made it through it all and we worked for everything we ever achieved. I have pride and confidence in that. Because, at the end of the day, we’re the ones who walked this road and made it all this way.

I think the reason you keep reaching for someplace higher without settling for what you already have is because you know that you can make it.

YEONJUN: I think I can—at least I’m confident I might be able to. You’ll never make it otherwise. You need to have spirit at least if you want to make something happen. (laughs)

When MOA recently asked you if it’s okay for them to watch the boy group survivor show that aired recently, you were quick to respond, “You can watch it. I’m not worried—I know you still love me.” Did you say that because you’re confident in yourself or because you feel secure in your relationship with MOA?

YEONJUN: Both. (laughs) Anyway, I mean, of course they can watch it. But I had this kind of confidence: “You would still love me more.” (laughs) And anyway, I know MOA is just joking around and trying to make me jealous. (laughs)

You sound like legit friends. (laughs) You’ve said you don’t feel the slightest bit nervous or any kind of pressure when you’re on stage and it’s just MOA.

YEONJUN: Just as you don’t second guess yourself or give a second thought to what you’re doing when you’re with your real friends, when we’re going to see MOA, I tell the other members “Guys, let’s just have fun!” They know and love everything about us better than anyone—everything from our personalities to the ways we sing and dance. So I don’t feel any pressure at all. Conversely, I feel a little pressure when there’s other people there because I want to make our fans proud.

What do you feel is your secret weapon for making your fans so proud? When you were on SUCHWITA with TAEHYUN, he said it’s your “charm and star quality.”

YEONJUN: My secret weapon? Well … I’m curious, too. I don’t really know, to be honest. Maybe just, I guess, that I’m equally not too bad at everything? (laughs) Now that we’ve been around a few years, I’ve heard so many times that younger artists really, really look up to me. It made me think, Am I really that great? What is it about me? (laughs) And I’ve thought about it from time to time, but the honest answer is that I just don’t know. But also that I kind of do? (laughs) If I were forced to choose, I’d probably choose what TAEHYUN said, but I think I’ll just keep working hard all the same, no matter what it is. (laughs)

When you and TAEHYUN said on the show that you’re determined to make it all the way to the top, it made me curious where you get that kind of ambition from.

YEONJUN: I used to be this kind of person who wasn’t good at a single thing. But then people started to pay attention to me for the first time when I danced at school. I was terrible at it (laughs) but the kids all said, “You’re good at dancing,” and that’s where it all started. I wasn’t ambitious and full of drive like this at first, but then I became a trainee, got a little better fighting through the steep competition, eventually debuted, faced even more competition, and step by step, throughout that process, it was only natural that I became so ambitious. I never wanted to do anything other than this, and that’s still true today. What would I do otherwise? It’s not because I’m not good at anything else but because there’s nothing else I love and put as much emotion and energy into. There’s plenty of times when this job gets hard, but I think I’d be having a much harder time if I weren’t doing it.

Did pursuing your dream have a direct effect on your self-improvement even when you had lower self-esteem?

YEONJUN: It must’ve had a big effect. When I first went to dance academy, I was so nervous that I couldn’t even sing. I couldn’t dance, either. I was really scared and had no confidence, asking myself if I was even capable. It felt like no one would ever notice me. But then, while I was there, I heard things like, “You have good facial expressions when you dance,” and, “Your tone is good when you sing,” and every time I was paid a compliment like that, it was a huge boost. I think that built up my self-confidence a bit, again and again, then more and more and more until I got to where I am today. So many people were by my side during those tough times. They became my friends and spent their time with me. Looking back now, that was both one of the hardest and one of the happiest times of my life.

Wow. It sounds like taking this path changed you completely.

YEONJUN: True. So true. It changed me a lot. It’s the one and only time I’ve ever truly been in love with something I’m doing.

You were asked who you would want to be if you could be one other person for a day, and you answered no one because you like yourself better than anyone else. What do you feel when you look back at everything that’s happened to you so far?

YEONJUN: The life I’ve led so far, the people I’ve met along the way, all the relationships, my job—I’m just so grateful for everything. That’s why I’d want to be reborn as me again. Even if I had to go through all the rough times again. Because I know I’d find the happiness in all of it anyway.

#txt #tomorrow x together #231026 #weverse magazine #yeonjun #choi yeonjun #weverse

[bihansthot]

Ok lovelies I did it! I wrote the Kuai Liang side of the request for:

Hopefully you lovelies will enjoy this one! I actually had a really good time writing it which is weird because I usually struggle writing for Kuai Liang verses Bi-Han. I had fun though because I got to incorporate some of myself in this one too since it’s a reader insert for Kuai Liang, the reader, you are my sister-in-law! Fun right? It got a little longer than I expected a little over three pages maybe four? I don’t know Pages is kind of a weird app but really easy to navigate on Apple devices and since I write on my Ipad now using a bluetooth keyboard it seems to do the job, it’s just kind of annoying because there’s no page numbers and no word count, but whatever I guess. This fic also heavily features good brother Bi-Han and depicts the Sub-Zero Brothers in their natural enviroment, aka being antagonistic little shits to one another, but in a very loving way. Anyway I really like this one and hope you will too!

Title: What Are Big Brother’s For

Rating: Teen (some swears, what else is new for me)

Pairing: Kuai Liang x F!Reader, background Bi-Han x Sol (aka me) implied Tomas x Hallvard

Summary: You and Kuai Liang are expecting your first child together and despite reading tomes of literature it turns out the younger Sub-Zero brother has no clue what to do, thankfully Big Brother Bi-Han is there to help.

Author’s Note: As always lovelies please like, reblog, comment if you enjoyed it as it keeps me motivated to write more!

You exhale deeply and bend forward at the waist, extending your arms toward the ground as much as your huge, pregnant belly will let you as you follow along to your “Mommy and Me: Prenatal Yoga, Third Trimester” Blu-Ray. “Inhale deeply and slowly roll yourself upright,” the movie continues as you follow along wobbling a bit as your balance isn’t quite what it used to be. You hear the door open and you’re greeted with a cool breeze wafting towards you as you hear the footfalls of your husband, the Grandmaster inching ever closer. His cool lips press gently to your forehead as you attempt to continue following along with the video mimicking the tree pose. You can’t help but reach out for Kuai Liang’s well-muscled shoulders to steady yourself.

“Are you sure it’s ok to still be doing yoga this late into your pregnancy xīngān?” He asks, his deep voice laced with concern. Being a first-time father Kuai Liang is not sure what to expect or what is safe or not despite the mountain of literature he’s read on the topic, he’s asked his brother what to expect numerous times as Bi-Han was a proud father of four and had been through the ups and downs of his significant other being pregnant. Bi-Han has been an invaluable resource on the topic, but after four children he’s a bit more laidback on the subject and a little more “just let her do what she wants” for Kuai Liang’s taste.

“It’s fine Liang, this is the program for the third trimester, the Blu-Ray says you can do it up to labor, you know I want to keep my body as healthy as I can for our baby,” you beam and happily rub your belly as you try and transition into chair pose, something far more obtainable for a very pregnant woman to achieve. “Oh, that felt a little weird, I don’t know if the baby likes this pose,” you crinkle your nose and try and ignore the sudden burst of pain rippling through you.

Kuai Liang grabs your shoulders immediately in an attempt to steady you, “really xīngān you shouldn’t continue if you’re in pain, you’re due any day now, I’m sure our little one will understand if you take some time off,” his handsome face knits in concern as he expresses his fears to you.

“Really it’s ok, it helps keep my mind clear and not focused on the pain that’s coming,” you say that, but you’ve given up following along with the video, the cryomancer’s strong, but gentle hold on you making it impossible if you wanted to continue in the first place.

“Still, I think that’s enough for now, your feet look swollen, let’s get you in the chair by the fireplace and let me rub your feet for you xīngān,” Kuai Liang helps walk you over to the fireplace but you never reach it.

A loud “Oh” falls from your lips as liquid suddenly drenches you to the core and your feet are soaking wet with the warm, thin fluid.

“Oh, what?” Kuai Liang repeats with concern before realizing what had happened, “oh! Oh! Your water broke!? Your water broke!” He parrots over and over again, panic written all over the Grandmaster’s handsome face.

You groan as a contraction hits and squeeze his cool hand tightly, “Liang, I can’t stand,” you warn before going slack in his strong arms.

“What do I do, what do I do?” The cryomancer repeats over and over as he supports your weight with ease, it finally dawns on him to get you to the chair. He scoops you up bridal style and carefully makes his way over to the plush chair by the roaring fire. He sets you down in the comfortable chair before staring at you like a lost puppy.

You cry out again as another contraction wells up and lights your nervous system on fire, you grimace and look over at your husband, trying to remain calm, “call your brother?” You offer, hoping the older cryomancer might actually have some useful tips or information to deal with the situation, but deep down you hope it's his wife who answers.

“Bi-Han! Yes! Call gēgē he’ll know what to do!” Kuai Liang snaps into action as he makes his way over to the desk in the room to search for his phone, of course, he wouldn’t carry it on his person like someone normal would. It takes him a moment to locate the device as he frantically fumbles to unlock the device and scrolls through his most recent contacts list until he finally comes across Bi-Han. “Please pick up, please pick up, come on you asshole answer the damn phone,” he growls in frustration at the screen as you sit there trying to focus on your breathing.

“What do you want you, little shit?” You can hear Bi-Han’s voice finally answer as Kuai Liang switches over to speaker phone.

“What do I do?!” Kuai Liang desperately asks, not bothering to explain the situation to his brother at all.

“Shit, what’s wrong, calm down kiddo,” you notice the shift in Bi-Han’s antagonist tone quickly switch to protective big brother mode.

“It’s y/n, her water broke, she’s having contractions, I don’t know what to do, I’m not ready!” Kuai Liang laments, his voice cracking as if he was trying very hard not to start crying.

“Dídí listen to me, you have to calm down, you knew this was coming, she’s been pregnant for nine months, take a deep breath,” Bi-Han instructs. “How far apart are the contractions, is the pain manageable? Have you called her doctor yet?” Bi-Han asks in a deep, calm yet authoritative voice, the same type of voice he’s used to calm his little brother down for years.

“I, I uh I don’t know, I didn’t know you were supposed to time them,” he answers sheepishly, red tinting his cheeks.

“Ok, let's start with that, can y/n hear me?” The older cryomancer asks, trying to keep his younger brother calm.

“I can hear you Bi-Han, is, is Sol there by chance?” You answer taking another deep breath and cradling your stomach.

“Sol’s picking up the boys from soccer practice, but she’ll be back before anything crazy happens, she won’t want to miss your little one’s entrance into the world,” Bi-Han reassures calmly. “Now, have you been keeping track of the contractions since my knucklehead of a brother isn’t?”

“They aren’t urgent yet, maybe five minutes apart, but the pain is pretty rough,” you admit and wince as the pain builds up again.

“Ok, Liang, hang up on me, call the doctor, tell them y/n’s contractions are approximately five minutes apart, but the pain is worrying, I’ll be right over, I’m going to call Sol and tell her to meet us at the hospital ok? Don’t do anything until I get there,” Bi-Han instructs the younger cryomancer.

“Ok, ok gēgē, call the doctor, tell them contractions five minutes apart, but painful, wait for you,” Kuai Liang repeats before quietly adding, “thank you,” and hanging up. “Ok xīngān I’m going to call the hospital now, are you feeling ok?”

“I’m ok love, I’m just a little worried, I haven’t been through this before either,” you give your husband a worried little sideways smile.

“We’ll get through this together xīngān if Bi-Han can manage being a father I know I’m more than capable of it,” Kuai Liang scoffs softly not wanting to admit how grateful he was to have his older brother in this situation.

You can’t help but wonder if Bi-Han was as flustered as Kuai Liang is going through it for the first time, knowing your himbo king of a brother-in-law though he probably winged the whole thing and somehow managed to do things correctly, though not without his wife’s help. You vaguely ponder what it must have been like for Sol as your husband calls the hospital and tells them you’d be arriving shortly and going over the procedure for check-in upon arrival, highly impressed at your technology-hating husband’s ability to navigate two phone calls back-to-back. Suddenly the fire goes out thanks to a large draft in the room caused by your brother-in-law’s timely arrival.

“I sent the recruits home for the night,” he announces as you shiver, wondering how on earth your sister-in-law managed to get used to the cold that clung to the older cryomancer.

“Thank you, brother,” Kuai Liang replies and stands there awkwardly before Bi-Han’s large hands clamp down on his shoulders reassuringly.

“You got this little bro, you don’t have to do anything hard, you just wait, your wife has to do all the hard stuff stop freaking out, she has the same doctor who’s delivered my four kids, everything will be just fine,” Bi-Han informs Kuai Liang in a very confident tone.

The Grandmaster just stands there blinking for a few moments before finally coming back to himself, “you’re right, everything will be fine, if you can deal with this I certainly can.” Kuai Liang does his best to give himself a little pep talk as for once Bi-Han doesn’t question his capabilities.

Bi-Han makes his way over to you and crouches down next to the chair before placing a cold hand on your forehead, “are you feeling ok? You don’t feel hot, is the pain ok? Have you been abusing my brother’s hand properly?”

Something about Bi-Han’s simple gesture makes you feel at ease and you’re very grateful your brother-in-law is there in this moment and you can’t help but cry, emotions getting the best of you, but in a good way. “I’m hanging in there Bi-Han, the baby is behaving and not hurting as much anymore, but I get the feeling they’re eager to get here, my contractions are closer together now,” you all but sob as you ramble the information off to the older cryomancer.

“Shhh, it’s ok, you’re doing such a good job,” Bi-Han reassures, petting your head softly before glaring harshly at his younger brother and it doesn’t take Liang long to get the message to come over to hold your hand. “I called Sol and Tomas, Hallvard is watching the kids for the night, they’re already headed to the hospital, is your bag all packed?” Bi-Han asks soothingly.

“Yes, it’s packed, can you go get it for me? It’s at the foot of the bed, along with the baby’s bag and the car seat we borrowed from you,” you steady your breathing as you ask him between sobs trying not to let them turn into hiccups.

“Of course,” Bi-Han leaves you alone with your husband as he goes to gather the things the two of you need for your soon-to-be baby.

“She’s really almost here isn’t she?” You sniffle happily cradling your swollen belly, pride slowly replacing the panic you felt earlier.

“She is,” Kuai Liang repeats softly, “I’m so proud of you xīngān you’re doing a much better job of keeping things together than I am, I was so petrified I didn’t know what to do.” He strokes your head lovingly and places a kiss on top of your head as you tense with another contraction causing the Grandmaster to grimace from the intense pressure you inflict on his hand.

“Sorry,” you grin sheepishly and wipe away the last of your stress-induced tears, “are you ready to be a father?”

Pride gets the best of Kuai Liang as he answers, “if my idiot brother can be a father you can bet I’m ready, I will be the best father out there, our little girl will want for nothing and be loved more than anyone else this world has ever known.”

“Idiot brother who knows what he’s doing,” Bi-Han corrects as he saunters back into the main room or the Grandmaster’s suite. “I’m putting his stuff in the back, with you Kuai Liang, y/n can sit up front so she has more leg room, but I’m driving, no way in hell am I letting your frazzled ass drive right now.” Bi-Han dictates as he heads out to pack up the car.

“No. No! Absolutely not! There is no way I am letting you drive! We’ll never make it there in one piece!” Kuai Liang exclaims forgetting about you for a moment to run after his brother in a relatively normal display of sibling rivalry.

“I’m the oldest, and it’s my car, I’m driving, end of story, besides you’re emotional as fuck right now, you’ll drive us into a snowbank. No discussion.” Bi-Han barks back and Kuai Liang almost winces at the dominance in his brother’s voice.

You cry out from another contraction, “oh for fuck’s sake, let him drive Liang!” You shout at the two squabbling cryomancers.

“Do as your wife says,” Bi-Han hisses and holds the keys over Liang’s head knowing full well his brother couldn’t reach them without jumping for them.

“Fine,” Kuai Liang finally relents, “but you aren’t allowed into the delivery room.” He huffs hating to lose to his older brother.

“Jokes on you kiddo, you aren’t allowed either,” Bi-Han laughs and climbs into the driver’s seat as Kuai Liang makes his way back over to you to carry you to the car.

“Unfortunately he’s right again, only females are allowed in the delivery room love, something about Chinese customs, Sol and the doctor warned me in advance since it's different than what I’m used to,” you explain sheepishly.

“We’ll see about that,” Kuai Liang scoffs as he buckles you into the seat and climbs into the back praying to the Elder Gods Bi-Han delivers all of you to the hospital in one piece.

The trip down the mountain was harrowing but by some miracle, Bi-Han navigated the drive with surprising precision as he pulls up to the hospital’s entrance. “Ok, get her inside, I’ll park and bring the bags in, Sol and Tomas should be there already,” Bi-Han announces as he puts the car in park and idles at the entrance.

“Thank you, brother, I, I mean it,” Kuai Liang replies reluctantly as he steps out of the car and helps you out.

“Please let me walk Liang, I don’t need the hospital seeing you carry me please, it’s embarrassing,” you try and reason with your husband. Unfortunately for you though another contraction hits and you double over in pain causing Kuai Liang to immediately pull you into his arms and march you inside the hospital.

“There you two are!” You’re greeted with a bright smile as a cheerful, busty, pink-haired woman bounds towards you.

“Sol, how did you get here so fast? You barely had time to leave before us and you had to stop to get Tomas,” Kuai Liang greets your sister-in-law and looks over toward Tomas who looked white as a ghost.

“Do NOT let this woman drive,” Tomas merely states.

“I, uh don’t really know how to drive in the snow or ice, so I just floored it the whole way and hoped for the best!” Sol chirps happily as she pulls a wheelchair over and gestures for Kuai Liang to put you down.

You blink at her incredulously, “Sol, you’ve lived in Arctika over 15 years, what do you mean you don’t know how to drive in the ice or snow?” You’re so distracted by your overly excited sister-in-law you don’t even notice your next contraction.

“You think Bi-Han lets me drive? Like Mr. I’m in Control of Everything would give up driving, he only lets me ever drive the kids to school and back since it’s right down the road, and honestly, most days they walk anyway,” Sol explains giving you that looks of ‘you’ve met Bi-Han now try being married to that’.

“R-right,” you stammer trying to be polite as Kuai Liang informs the desk clerk of your arrival and receives directions to your room, and informs him the doctor is on their way from their private practice and should be there momentarily.

“Ready xīngān?” Kuai Liang asks as he takes control of the wheelchair away from the pink-haired woman.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you answer trying your best to feel as confident as you can.

The delivery process isn’t as bad as you feared, but you were very grateful for the epidural and your overly excited sister-in-law’s support. You cuddle your little girl to your chest for the first time and cry tears of joy as you’re soon joined by Kuai Liang who can’t help but become overwhelmed with emotion as he openly weeps upon seeing the two of you.

“Oh she’s perfect, absolutely perfect, she looks just like you xīngān,” he whispers softly as Sol quietly makes her way out of the room to give you two some space.

“Come on qīn, I wanna see my niece!” Bi-Han all but shouts as he’s forcefully pushed out of the room and you’re once again grateful for your sister-in-law.

You and Kuai Liang are left in quiet awe as your baby girl coos and opens her eyes for the first time blinking and looking up at the two of you before smiling brightly and making happy noises.

“I think she likes us,” you whisper to Kuai Liang, eyes still glistening with unshed tears of happiness.

“I think you might be right,” he agrees as he squeezes your hand in glee as your daughter’s chubby little fingers wrap around his finger and she squeals with excitement.

“Look, she knows her Bàba already,” you sigh happily cradling her close. “She’s cool like you,” you admire the small bundle in your arms as your emotions overflow with happiness.

“Your Bàba loves you so much little one, so much,” Kuai Liang whispers and allows himself to get lost in the moment, lost in the emotions of bringing a life into the world with the one he loves more than anything else. He hadn’t realized how much fatherhood would change him, but this simple, tiny little girl was suddenly the center of his world and he would do anything and everything to protect his little family.

#mortal kombat #kuai liang #sub zero #bi han #og sub zero #reader insert #kuai liang x reader #sub zero x reader #sub zero x you #fluff #pregnancy #tw pregnancy #so much fluff #emotions #please like and share #fluff fic #fic request #my writing #cute