#like I had to read with my own two eyes that in this version cas apparently would do heroine for some v strange reason and like ???????????

[the-princess-of-loki]

Loki²

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader x Loki

Warnings: smut, graphic descriptions of smut, if you don't like it DON'T READ IT. There's a paragraph that's MXM (LokixLoki). You could read it without reading that paragraph, but again, if you don't like it, don't read it.

I was tired. So fucking tired I could barely keep my eyes open to see the door in front of me. I jiggled the keys in my hands as I tried to remember which key was the one to open the door of Loki’s and my flat. The work week has burned me down mentally and I wasn’t able to do a simple task like opening a fucking door. At least, I had the whole weekend with Loki ahead of me to look for. Maybe Loki was in a good mood and wanted to give me one of his famous massages. I smiled at the thought. His big hands always felt so good on me…

I finally found the key so I opened the door. I left my keys on the bowl we had next to the door for them and hung my bag on the rack. Our flat was really not that big, so I was surprised when I didn’t see Loki sitting on his usual spot on our two-place sofa reading a book. As I walked towards our small kitchen, I heard laughter and flirting coming from our bedroom. I walked there slowly as if moving by an automatic response more than real will. I felt my heart throbbing against my chest and my ears started to get blocked. I could only hear the fast rhythm of my heart and a piercing whistling.

As I stood in front of the door, the doorknob on my trembling hand, I pondered for a moment if I really wanted to see what was waiting for me on the other side. Was I ready for it? Hell, no. Did I need to see it? My gut was telling me that I should. Just for the sake of not doing a scene and seeming even more pathetic, I took a few deep breaths before daring to move again. As I slowly recovered my hearing, I noticed that everything was silent. Obviously, Loki knew I was there. Why he hadn’t come out of the room to make up some kind of excuse was beyond my comprehension at that moment.

Once I was calm enough given the circumstances, I opened the door slowly. I couldn’t have prepared myself for what I saw in a thousand years. The sight in front of me left me utterly speechless. I think I forgot how to breathe at some moment. I just stood in the doorframe, not able to move or look away. It was impossible.

Loki was there on the bed, kneeling on it, in all his naked glory. But even if that was a sight to be left breathless, it wasn’t all. There were not one but two naked Lokis kneeling on our bed. Did I pass out and hit my head that hard? Was I in heaven? I didn’t know but this felt like a wild version of paradise. The two Lokis smiled at me and both of them extended one of their arms towards me. Only one of them spoke, though.

“Hello, my dear princess,” he said, his smile intact. “Come to bed, my love.” It was more of an invitation than an order but my legs moved on their own accord as if he were the owner. Once I reached the side of the bed, the two Lokis helped me get on it, kneeling right in between them. The Loki behind me started to unbutton my shirt just enough for my collarbone to be exposed. He placed both of his hands on each side of my hips as his lips started a travel from my neck to my collarbone and back. I sighed at the sensation of his warm lips on my exposed skin. “We both know how tired you are, my dear,” the Loki in front of me went on as he caressed my cheek. “So we thought about a little game to wind you down a little.”

“Wh-what kind of game?” I asked, my breathing getting heavier because of the kisses I was receiving from the Loki behind me.

“One that you’ll enjoy, of course,” the Loki in front of me answered, mischief shining in his green eyes.

“Where’s the catch?” I asked before moaning as the Loki behind me started to nibble on my skin. The Loki in front of me laughed.

“You know me so well, my dear,” he chuckled as he kept caressing one of my cheeks. “There’s a little condition or pre-game if you’d like. If you win, we’ll both take care of your pleasure.” That notion itself seemed mind-blowing but there had to be something else.

“And if I lose…?” I asked a little wary, closing my eyes as the Loki behind me tilted my head back to have full access to my throat.

“If you lose, you will take care of our pleasure. Pretty fair, isn’t it?” The Loki in front of me asked after a small chuckle. Still, I wasn’t convinced. Loki’s thinking was too complex for this game to be so simple.

“And what do I have to do?”

“Oh, that’s easy, love. You only have to tell us which one of us is the real one and which one is the magic copy. It should be easy enough for you. As I said before: you know me so well…” he smirked.

And it was easy. I could definitely tell the difference without a second of a doubt. But I was conflicted about my answer. On the one hand, I couldn’t even phantom the kind of pleasure that not one but two Lokis could bring me. After all, only one Loki always drove me crazy with pleasure. However, pleasuring Loki was as much enjoyable to me as his pleasuring me. I loved to be able to drive him completely insane with my actions. Every time he moaned my name in pleasure, he grabbed my hair tightly and lost control of himself was as blissful as when I reached my own climax. So I had to think carefully about my answer.

However, how could I think about anything at all in my current situation? I had two beautifully naked Lokis in bed with me. One of them talking sweet nothings to me; the other slowly unbuttoning my shirt, kissing my neck, throat and collarbone, nibbling them softly and caressing every bit of newly exposed skin. There was no way I could think.

“This one,” I said in a breathy whisper as I grabbed a bunch of the Loki behind me hair. “You’re the real one,” both Lokis chuckled at the same time.

“What makes you say that, my dear?” The Loki in front of me asked with a smirk. The Loki behind me stopped his ministrations on my skin so I could take a moment to at least answer coherently.

“A few things. First, the real Loki would never make it easy for me to guess it. He’d think that I’d think the one doing all the talking was the real one because we know how much he likes being in control. So he would change roles to try to confuse me. Secondly, the copy hasn’t touched me in any private area, while the real one already kissed my neck, my throat, my collarbone and caressed my whole body. But there is one thing that Loki has no control over and that thing is defining to know which one of you is real.”

“May I know which thing is that, princess?” The Loki behind me spoke for the first time since I entered the room. I smiled.

“The way your touch makes me feel, love,” both Lokis looked at me with a surprised expression. They were so cute that I couldn’t help smiling more and caressing one cheek of both of them. “When the real one touched me first, I felt this warm, fuzzy, comfortable and safe feeling that I always feel when you’re around. When the copy caressed my cheek, the same feelings aroused except for the safety. And the real Loki always makes me feel safe, even when he’s angry. It’s always like that,” I shrugged, blushing a little. Loki looked at me still surprised but after some minutes, he smiled sweetly. Although I must admit it was a little weird to see his copy do exactly the same thing as him at exactly the same time.

“You do have me figured out, don’t you, princess?” The real Loki chuckled. “Well, we made a deal and it’s time for us to deliver...”

I shivered involuntarily at the way his sultry voice left that sentence hanging in the air. I felt his smirk on my ear where his lips were and I saw his copy in front of me smirking too. The real Loki put two of his long fingers below my chin and softly moved my head to the side. He joined our lips in a sweet but passionate kiss. I didn’t doubt to return his kiss; our breaths mingled and so did our tongues. I gasped when I felt both my shirt and my bra disappear but I kept kissing Loki all the same. While the real Loki kept kissing me passionately, I felt his copy’s mouth and tongue on my collarbone. The copy’s tongue moved down my torso until he reached one of my nipples. He blew some cold air into it and then surrounded the pink bud with his mouth, lazily stroking it with his tongue. I had to break Loki’s kiss as I moaned and arched my back. The real Loki smirked again as he grabbed my work skirt and tore it to pieces. I was already heaving and this was just starting.

Loki caressed the sides of my body while his copy moved to my other nipple. Loki grabbed the sides of my panties and I could see a smirk on his lips as he tore them into pieces too. His hands caressed my belly, going lower inch by inch. Before he reached my core, he stopped, though. He was, without a doubt, enjoying this as much as I was.

“Are you wet yet, my princess?” Loki asked in a sexy whisper.

One of his hands still wandered around my core while the other caressed its way to my butt. I gasped when he grabbed tightly one of my asscheeks, squeezing it; I moaned a second later when he slapped it at the same exact moment his copy sucked harder on my nipple. My air and lungs weren’t enough to moan out my pleasure. Loki slapped my other asscheek, a little harder this time, making my hips move away from him involuntarily. Right in that instant, he massaged my external walls with two of his long digits. I heard him chuckle through my moan.

“You are always wet and ready for me, my princess,” he praised me still chuckling.

Loki teased my clit for some moments while his copy sucked my nipple and squeezed my asscheeks. The real one rubbed my clit with his thumb and I moved my hips with his movements until the copy grabbed my ass more tightly so I couldn’t move. I whimpered and they both chuckled at the same time. Then, Loki inserted one of his fingers inside me, while he kept rubbing my clit with his thumb. I moaned, tilting my head back so much that it ended up resting on his shoulder. He moved his finger inside and out of me, teasing that fantastic spot with each thrust, all the while he rubbed my clit with his thumb and his copy kept sucking on my nipples, alternating between the two of them.

When Loki felt I was used to his finger, he nodded to his copy. The copy smirked and left my breasts and one of my asscheeks as he inserted the same finger that Loki had inside me. I moaned as both of them moved their fingers at the same time, just teasing me. They kept adding fingers inside me as they felt how I was getting more and more aroused every second that passed by. I got excited as I saw them both taking his fingers out of me completely; that only meant one thing. However, when my lust-clouded mind was able to think, I got worried. They were both preparing to penetrate me. Both.

“Loki…I…both…I won’t be able…” I stuttered, looking back at the real Loki behind me who smiled at me sweetly but with mischief shining on his green eyes.

“My princes, have I ever done something to you that you didn’t enjoy? Have I ever hurt you?” Loki asked as he kissed and nibbled my neck.

“N-no, but…” It was difficult to concentrate on words at that moment. Almost impossible.

“Then, keep trusting me, my love. I will always do what’s best for you and I promised you pleasure, not pain. So relax, my love, and give yourself to me.”

I was still a little hesitant, to be honest. But what Loki had said was true so I decided to do what I always did in these situations: I trusted him and gave myself to him. He always knew, sometimes better than me, what, how and when I needed something. So I just nodded to him, giving him my express consent. I knew that he wouldn’t go on until I had fully and expressly consented. It was one of the things, of many things, that made me fall in love with him. Even for our first kiss, he’d asked for my permission.

Once I’ve consented, both Loki and his copy started to prepare to penetrate me again. They had to move on the bed so they’d be able to do it. I was excited but hesitant at the same time. Loki knew it, of course he did, so he grabbed my neck with one hand to bring me towards his chest as he was still behind me. His lips lingered on mine, his warm breath hitting my face as a hypnotic fragrance.

“Feel me,” he whispered in a low, sultry voice.

Loki crashed his lips on mine and I lost every ability to think. I was only able to feel him, just as he had told me to. After a short while, I had to break the kiss as I felt both Loki and his copy thrust inside me at the same time. I moaned high. I felt a little bit of pain, I wasn’t going to lie. Loki was big enough on his own and now he was doubled in size and completely inside me. Loki, of course, knew it, so both he and his copy stayed still inside me.

“Good girl,” Loki praised me as he breathed heavily. His chest went up and down against my back and the same went for Loki’s copy in front of me. A thought crossed my mind then; a dangerous thought without a doubt. Loki knew about it as soon as it crossed my mind and he chuckled. “Oh, my princess. Who would’ve known you had such dirty thoughts, my good girl? But I’ve promised you pleasure and I’m a god of my word, aren’t I?”

I couldn’t believe it, but was really excited and amazed to see, when Loki grabbed his copy’s neck and brought him forward to him with me still in the middle. They kissed passionately right next to my face. It was an exaggerated kiss so I could see every movement. Loki looked at me the whole time, making sure that I was looking and enjoying the show he was putting up for me. And hell, I was enjoying it more than I thought I would. When I saw their tongues playing together, I couldn’t stop myself and joined their kiss with my own tongue. I moaned as soon as they kissed me back.

Once I was lost in that passionate and wild kiss -really, not even in my wildest fantasies I’d imagined that I’d get to kiss two Lokis at the same time. Loki and his copy started to move slowly, thrusting inside me in a rhythm which made sure that one of them was all the time inside me. I broke the kiss and moaned with each thrust, as they both hit my G-spot all the time stimulating me non-stop. To make matters better in this particular situation, Loki started to rub my clit with his thumb again. I was being over-stimulated and I didn’t know how much time I was going to last. I even started to feel my walls getting tighter around both Loki’s and his copy’s hard members inside me.

“You’re so close, princes…” Loki whispered in my ear in his sensual, breathy voice. “Cum for me, my good girl…cum for both of us.”

Immediately after he finished speaking, I cum hard with a high moan of his name. I trembled as I felt my orgasm in every inch of my body. However, Loki and his copy didn’t stop or slow down his movements. If something, they moved harder and faster. My mind was in no state to think about anything but my body responded automatically to their movements, getting ready for yet another orgasm. I was still trembling from the first one but it seemed that my body wanted to please both Lokis with an orgasm for each. It didn’t take me long until another climax hit me and this time I felt both Lokis cumming too, filling me with their semen so much that it started to fall down my inner thighs before they got out of me. It was, without a doubt, the hottest experience of my life.

Once they both took out their member of me, I fell on the bed, breathing heavily and completely exhausted and satisfied. Loki laid next to me, caressing my back with the tip of his fingers as he too tried to recover his breath. I turned my face to the other side to look at him and we both smiled tiredly to each other, the look of complete satisfaction present in both our faces.

“Would you like my copy to give you that massage you were hoping for, my princess?” Loki asked with half a smirk. I laughed and nodded.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki god of mischief #loki fluff #loki friggason #god of mischief #mcu #loki of asgard #loki of jotunheim #loki smut #loki x female reader #loki x reader smut #loki x female reader smut #loki x reader

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Arguing with Wanda (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

Wanda had lost everything. You knew that. After Westview, you did everything you could to be there for Wanda. You saw what the government's didn't. Wanda wasn't this loose end or liability. She was hurt. So you stuck by her. Even as she tried to pull away and isolate herself, you refused to leave. Eventually she gave in trying to make you turn from her. That grew to become a content feeling. You weren't trying to replace anyone. You were simply there when Wanda needed you. That book changed her though. 

At first it was reading, that reading you had thought was solely to help her understand her power. Perhaps it did. However you couldn't ignore the darkness that lay just skin deep. It seemed like she tried to hide it but there simply was no hiding the darkness in her eyes and the tint of red that glinted at you every now and then. Then again, perhaps it was just a trick of the eye. You weren't sure how long she had intended to keep her plan for you. Regardless it was only a matter of time before you could no longer hide hunting down a child across not one but multiple universes. Anyone would be frightened to confront Wanda. Anyone with reason knew there wasn't any reasoning with her. Wanda had to learn on her own but that was the problem. How long would that take and furthermore, at what cost would it take before she realised it. You couldn't sit back and watch this. Yet no matter what you said, she always had an answer, she had a reason. Whether it denial or downplaying the situation, Wanda justified every move she made and that was very familiar to Westview. She seemed taken aback by the sudden crack in your voice. 

"It's happening again, Wanda." "What?" She frowned. "Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should." You said softly. "You're talking about killing a child and then stealing two children from another version of yourself. "My children." Wanda emphasised. "You didn't have children in this life, Wanda." You said quickly. "I dream of them every night." Wanda ground out. "That means they exist, somewhere, they exist!" "It means they're out there with their mother! Another you! Safe and happy! Isn't that enough!?" "No!" Wanda snapped at you. She marched towards you, fury in her eyes. "It's not nearly enough! I deserve them! I lost everything and have nothing to show for it! I sacrificed everything and Vis didn't get a funeral, they took him apart for parts! I had to kill him! I gave up my children and still people look at me like a monster! My brother is dead, my parents are dead! I am in a country completely and utterly alone, the home I once had exploded into dust! I have given everything for this world and no one is willing to acknowledge it! So I am going, I am going where I can be with my children and never coming back!" Wanda was seething breathing quickly through her mouth. "If I don't get what I want then I will give it to myself. I've earned it and I have the power to do so." You stared her down. You turned away and leaned on the dining table. "Do you remember when you fought Thanos?" You asked lightly. Wanda didn't reply, clenching her jaw. It spoke volumes that she hadn't thrown you across the room. Yet you couldn't care in that moment. Instead you continued. "I do. I watched you." “What does that have to do with any-" "You weren't looking at me but I was looking at you." You met her eyes. “When your eyes turned red, I always thought it was the most magical thing I had ever seen. To see how much power you held, it was mesmerising but do you know what else I saw that day as you countered him?" "I was a little occupied." Wanda said icily. "You smiled...just as he did. He smiled when he spoke of the perfect universe he wanted to create. You smiled, Wanda. You smiled at him. You are just like him." "Don't you dare." Wanda warned you, glowering at you. "You've become what you hate. You're no better than Thanos." You shook your head, ignoring her warnings. Wanda needed to hear it. "Your chasing a child. Call her whatever you want. Pretend she is a mannequin if you want, it changes nothing. She is a person, a child and your boys would be sickened if they knew their mother intended to sacrifice another child for them." You finished and Wanda slammed her hand down upon the dinning room table. "With her power, I could protect my boys from anything. I could do some much, it's prophecy that I rule everything and I don't want any of that. I just want my boys but I'm cruel for this? I'm unreasonable for choosing to be a mother. One sacrifice for the many that will go untouched by me? The Avengers, they break the rules and become heroes. Yet I didn't get that, did I? I'm the enemy. It's not right and its not fair." You let out a sigh. "I don't even know who you are anymore." You uttered in disbelief. "Don't say that." Wanda said icily with a shake of her head. "Who am I talking to exactly, Wanda?" You said sharply. "The Scarlett witch or Wanda Maximoff? Was Agatha Harkness right all along? She told you what some book says and now you're going to cherry pick the perception it might give others?" You shook your head. "You don't have the right and it's delusional of you to think Vision, Pietro or your boys would think of you if they could see you now." Wanda let out a frustrated cry at your words as you stormed out. "Where are you going!?" She yelled. You didn't respond, simply slamming the door shut behind you. If only that had been enough to change her mind.

#marvel #wanda maximoff #multiverse of madness #scarlet witch #endgame #wandavision #reader #oneshot #one shot

[booksandwords]

Hottie Scotty and Mr. Porter by R. Cooper

Read time: 1 Days Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Quote: “where are they finding these men?” “I have no idea. Whatever the nosy straight lady version of Grindr is” — Cole and Scott

Hottie Scotty and Mr. Porter is the story of thirty-year-old Scott "Scotty" Yun and forty-two-year-old Henry “Cole” Porter in Montgomery, CA. It is fairly simple and tropey, which leads to some predictability. But it's not about the destination as much as it is the journey. I will say the ending is perfect. Firefighter and EMT Scotty is a human and flawed character. He often sees himself as simply a body, something that those around him don't help with. Because they don't notice how he sees himself or don't realise the issue with it. Scotty uses his good humour and natural charisma to shield his hurt, there is unsurprisingly trauma in play here. His human attitude gives him a slightly flawed narration to a degree. I'm happy we got to meet Angie, Scotty's sister. She is such a positive female character. I just wish we got to see Scotty with his niece and nephew, Cole too because they love him.

Being a small town there aren't many gay men in Montgomery, one of Scotty's previous hook-ups is Cole. Librarian Cole is older than Scotty and quite happy with his life as it is despite the death of his husband, the one who wanted to move to Montgomery in the first place. He is happy with his books, his library, and his baking, the last thing he really wants is a committed lover. Cole is an on-point librarian, the tbr piles, a passion for reading and a fierce defence of the role of libraries in modern society. I appreciate the addition of baking to the mix it just makes him appear so comfortable and contrasts delightfully with his bedroom attitude. He also owns a cat (because we do love a tbh fairly accurate stereotype) and Honey is cute af. She is a freaking mercenary though, smart but a mercenary. Kathy The b***h gets what she deserves, I read book 2 is this series first I liked having the context for what this woman did to warn our wrath. And earn she did, no spoilers as to what she does.

I'm going to add quotes as per usual. But there are so, so many quotes here.

Scott shrugged, more awkwardly this time. “Among other things. Friends. We’re still friends. Although, I wouldn’t say we were, like, lovers or anything. More like roommates with occasional benefits. And if we went out anywhere, I was more of a purse.” “Purse?” Cole’s eyebrow were doing that up and down thing again, interested but unhappy. He had the line between his eyes, too. Scott took his time straightening the strap of his bag where it dug into his elbow. “There to look good on his arm.” He thought of Kathy’s book and the men on the cover, but didn’t turn to glance at it. “Purse,” Cole said again, almost in disbelief. “In my day, we said eye candy.” — I have never heard Purse for this term. Somehow it feels even more derogatory than eye candy or arm candy which is a term I've heard used. This is an example of Scott's comfort with his physical appearance and the impact it has on others but the hurt it has caused him. (Scott, Cole and Kathy)

He blamed Kathy and her friends for this, and so many of his problems. Shortly after that night at the mayor’s house, they had outed him, and while he hadn’t been hiding anything, it still should have been his choice who to tell and when to tell it. — B***h outing is never okay. And like this? Even worse. Feels like it was revenge. Ugh, there are so many reasons to dislike this woman. As is the point.

“Eric wasn’t much of a reader either. Except for airport mysteries.” Cole made a tiny, exasperated noise, then shook his head. “They drove him crazy, but I think he liked to pick them apart, like a reverse puzzle. His work was stressful. Falling into stories took more effort for him. Or maybe he felt enough in his daily life that he didn’t need the catharsis of a good book.” (Cole) & Scott imagined they had fought a little because Cole liked books so much and Eric hadn’t, but a good kind of fight, playful. Something to keep the smile in Cole’s voice at the memory. “Despite what people think of computer nerds, he was very good with feelings—and puzzles.” — These are such are perfect veiled complements. Running or working out is Scott's version of reading, his version of Eric's puzzles. They are Scott's way of processing and relaxing. We all have them they are just all individual. (Cole)

“What should we toast to?” Scott had to ask something, and that was better than everything else he could have said. “It’s been a while since I’ve done shots.” Cole considered his glass, then Scott. “Do we need a reason?” “Oh, yeah.” Scott nodded. “Otherwise you just have a drinking problem.” —(Scott and Cole)

“I’ll see what my wife has to say about that.” Tiny let him lean. “She’d probably be into it. You city folks….” “You sound pretty into it,” — I really wish we'd met Tiny's wife, Rhonda. There are lines in this and in the second book that me really like her. There are also moments that make me think Tiny is really not as straight as he would like people to believe. He sorta feels like at least bi-curious. (Tiny and Scott)

“She does this. I think she knows when I’ll be by.” He stepped over the ditch into Cole’s yard and stared directly at Cole’s stubborn cat. “Honey, you have to come down if you want me to pet you. I’m not going up there.” — Honey. You are a weird cat and I like you. Bacio (Jimmy's dog) was just as cute but in a different situation. (Scott)

Honey and Bacio made me wonder about the contrasting tropes for the books. Cole and Scotty (Hottie Scotty and Mr. Porter) are an opposites attract couple. Javier and Jimmy (For Better or Worse) are grump/sunshine and friends to lovers as is only right with a demi in play. What I will say is that this book is much more overtly sexual though no less heartfelt and longing than its sequel.

I really regret not reading this before I read For Better or Worse which is Javier and Jimmy's story. They do stand alone but Scotty and Cole's story explains why Kathy and the knitting circle are so awful. We meet parts of the Fire Family and see just how far they are willing to go for their own. That scene in the bar is a whole other level of wtf straight people?? Though Scotty was right that was definitely Javi behind him. I kinda wish that moment appeared in For Better or Worse it would have been torture for Jimmy to watch. The frustration, the jealousy, the want and all to Javi's obliviousness. Because in his words in For Better or Worse “I don’t really notice things like this. Everything looks like friendly teasing if you don’t know what sexual tension is. I get confused.”

#hottie scotty and mr porter #r. cooper #book review #ktreviews #read 2022 #novella #spoilers on goodreads #booklr

[riverdamien]

Book Reviews

A Review of The Eyes of God: A Fisherman's Tale by Marilyn Huntsman

and Bibliotheca. Volume 5

Translation from the Original Tongues

being the Version set forth

Anno Domini

1611

1881

The American Edition

1900

Newly Edited

2016

Ms. Huntsman springs for us a tale of Simon Peter beginning at the very start of his meeting Jesus and ending with his own death upon an upside-down cross.

She rounds out her talk with the description of his having two wives and two children, his boy died due to persecution against Peter, his daughter had a son before his death.

In the reading of the times in which the Church was founded, one reads of division, much as today, as people moved away from the central tenets of the teachings of Jesus, into their own cultural biases. One is taken by the violence throughout their time, which seemed very little different from today. The difference was there was no atomic bomb or means of destroying the climate.

Ms. Huntman concludes with Peter being moved to Rome for trial as the leader of the Christian movement, and finally, crucifixion on a cross upside down.

This is a very readable and touching book. She has done excellent research on the politics and the events of the time and bases her novel on the overall Biblical story.

--------------------------------------------

Bibliotheca. Volume 5

Translation from the Original Tongues

being the Version set forth

Anno Domini

1611

1881

The American Edition

1900

Newly Edited

2016

Bibliotheca. Volume 5 is a newly edited version of the King James Version. It conveys the poetic beauty of the original King James and is easily readable. Personally, the dignity and beauty of the language led me to read through this version in two days. It draws one into scripture.

The editors allowed the words to flow freely by removing all verse numbers, and it was like reading a typical book. Following the tradition of the King James Version, it does not use inclusive language.

Acknowledging the same translation faults as those of King James, this book is highly recommended for its magnificent readable language.

We live in a time of a continual flow of news, and of spreading gossip on social media. A time when anger rages, and Christianity is under attack.

There is little positive news on faith in Jesus of Nazareth on social media and in the news. We hear nothing of the social justice work of the various religious groups, nothing of people sharing their positive relationship with God.

Personally, I am shredded to pieces over my faith.

But what I have found over and over is that "if you want to save your life, Jesus said, "you must first be willing to lose it. You must be willing to take up your cross and follow me"--yes even through the Valley of the Shadow. For the Kingdom of heaven will cost you not less than everything. But here is a great secret: even when you only catch it in glimpses, like lightning flashing from east to west the kingdom of heaven is already you.

And in this kingdom, all are welcome: The people walking by the window of the restaurant next door, on their way to a party. The homeless man on the corner, talking crazy, the young man on the corner selling drugs. All of us. Here, they that mourn will be comforted: the parents of the young man who committed suicide in Texas, the street youth who found out his parents are dead, and could not go to the funeral, and the young homeless girl with brain cancer. Here, where crosses can be so heavy, burdens are quietly made light. And when one's eyes open as a child's one will catch sight of the smile of another. Then: "Wow", he says, and smiles! These two books reminded me to "smile  again! Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God"!

------------------------

Fr. River Damien Sims, sfw, D.Min., D.S.T.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

www.temenos.org

415-305-2124

[bideanfreckles]

instead of saying "hbo spn" you could just say "extremely dark and edgy and graphic AU that can either sound very ooc or just like kripke era when not too graphic bc I'm projecting hcs way too much" for example

#jay talks #sorry but I'm seeing these going around everywhere rn and I have v Strong Opinions™ about it okay #like I had to read with my own two eyes that in this version cas apparently would do heroine for some v strange reason and like ??????????? #he doesn't even get drunk but okay......... #and I thought I was too dead inside... apparently I'm wrong #idk like you do you write/hc about whatever tf you want #and don't get me wrong endverse is my fav au so I enjoy some edgyness but #I just wanna talk about dean walking miracle at the beach and enjoying sunsets okay #after having to endure the last 2 eps I want nothing but happy things pls

[myaimistrue]

part one of the fic for my content creator celebration! in this one, season five cas learns a little bit about how to take care of people from bobby <3 part two will be up tomorrow! EDIT: part two is available now here!

read on ao3

Castiel watches Dean sleep.

He knows he’s not supposed to. It’s something Dean’s told him plenty of times, usually in that hushed whisper Castiel has grown so familiar with over the past weeks spent in hotel rooms and Bobby’s house with the Winchesters, all those early mornings and late nights. But he thinks even Dean would allow him this, if he were awake. He thinks Dean would understand why Castiel has to stay here, has to watch over him.

They were ambushed by some of Castiel’s brothers and sisters this afternoon. Castiel is still strong enough to have fought most of them off, with Sam and Dean’s help, but he wasn’t strong enough to prevent Dean from being seriously hurt, let alone to heal him.

But Bobby patched him up well. Sam and Castiel brought Dean back here as quickly as they could, and Bobby worked efficiently. The wide cut on Dean’s torso is shallow, fortunately, and Bobby cleaned and bandaged it carefully. The dislocated shoulder has been popped back into place, and with the minor flickers of his remaining grace, Castiel was able to soften Dean’s head injury to a mild concussion that should heal within the week. If you weren’t looking closely, Castiel thinks, you might not even realize Dean was injured at all.

The quiet is broken by the familiar sound of floorboards shifting as Bobby’s wheelchair crosses them. Castiel doesn’t bother to look away from Dean to greet him.

“You gotta sleep,” Bobby says gruffly as he comes to a stop beside the old chair Castiel is hunched over in. He eyes him knowingly. “I know you hate it, but you’re pretty damn close to human these days. You need rest the same way we all do.”

“I’m watching over Dean,” Castiel says, gaze locked on the curve of his cheek, the way his faint freckles stand out especially by the light of the desk lamp.

“Well, I’ve been doing that his whole damn life,” Bobby grouses. “So why don’t you go lay down before I kick your ass all the way there?”

Castiel looks over, and Bobby’s arms are crossed firmly across his chest. A thread of fondness runs through him, for the man who made sure the Winchester boys grew up with some sort of unconditional love, and has now taken Castiel in the same way: with plenty of grumpiness, but an ever-present undercurrent of kindness and care. Fondness for Bobby, who taught Castiel how to make salt rounds, who makes sure to buy the sugary cereal he has recently become fond of, who has healed Dean now that Castiel is now unable to.

“You did well with him,” Cas says quietly. They’re both looking at Dean, his peacefulness in sleep. Castiel tries not to think of the way Dean cried out in pain as Bobby and Sam popped his shoulder back in place, the pale line of agony in his face as Bobby cleaned out the cut on his torso. “You made it as quick and painless as possible.”

“I’ve been patching him up since he still had his baby teeth,” Bobby says. He looks at Dean like a father would—like Dean is something to be proud of, to protect and to love at any cost. Castiel wonders if his own Father ever looked at him like that, even once.

“I remember, one of the first times John dropped them here.” Bobby’s voice has taken on the tone it does when he’s telling a story, and Castiel feels himself relax further into the chair at the familiarity of it. “Sam was still real little, so Dean had to be five or six, maybe? He tripped down the porch steps one day, scraped up his hands and knees. He didn’t even tell me.” Bobby chuckles softly. Castiel watches him, enraptured by this story, this new sliver of Dean he doesn’t already know. “I found him standing on a chair in the kitchen trying to reach a bottle of vodka. Guess John never taught him about antiseptic.” A shadow passes over Bobby’s face, an angrier version of what Castiel has seen on Dean and Sam when discussing their father. “So, I sat him down and started cleaning him up, and he was so quiet. Wouldn’t say anything, just screwed his face up and kept his mouth shut, even though I knew it must’ve hurt like a bitch.”

“It’s hard to imagine Dean being quiet,” Castiel says.

“He was a quiet kid,” Bobby replies. “Wasn’t until he got to be a teenager that he started this whole macho motormouth routine. Before that, he didn’t talk much, especially if he didn’t know you well.” He sighs. Castiel wonders if he misses that version of Dean. “Anyway, I told him, you’ll feel better if you let some of that pain out. It hurts worse when you keep it all inside. He just kept staring at me, so then I said, if you don’t tell your daddy, I’ll let you cuss. Just this one time. And his eyes got so wide, and I poured some antiseptic on the worst of it, and like he couldn’t help it, the kid goes, oh fuck, Bobby!”

They’re both laughing then, hushed as they can be in the quiet twilight so as to not wake Dean. Castiel can picture it easily, big green eyes swallowing up Dean’s tiny face, the way the curse word would’ve spilled out of him and surprised him more than anybody else. That child seems so close and still so far away from the sleeping man in front of them.

“I couldn’t quit laughing,” Bobby continues, still laughing in the present day. “And I swear, Dean smiled so wide I thought his face was gonna split in half. By the time I finished bandaging him up, the kid’d run through just about every cuss in the book, and he wasn’t crying about his hands and knees anymore.”

Castiel’s laughter goes quiet, and so does Bobby’s, until they’re both looking at Dean again, at the man who made it so that they see each other as far more than just reluctant allies, so that they now know each other as family. Dean shifts in his sleep, and the wrap on his shoulder shifts along with him. Unthinking, acting on a terrifyingly human instinct, Castiel reaches out and straightens it with a gentle touch, smoothing over Dean’s shoulder with careful hands.

He feels Bobby’s eyes on him. Castiel wonders, as he often does, if he has crossed some unspoken line with Dean, if he’s done something a human would know better than to do, something Bobby and everyone else can see right through. Sometimes, he thinks they all know something he doesn’t.

“Dean means a whole lot to you, don’t he?” Bobby finally says. His voice is low, almost kind.

Castiel thinks of Dean’s soul in Hell, glowing warm and golden. He thinks of how he’d fallen to his knees beside Dean after Afriel knocked him aside this afternoon, the rushing and roiling panic. He thinks of how he can’t ever look away from Dean, even when he’s angry, even when he’s scared.

“Yes,” Castiel says. “Yes, he does.”

Bobby searches Castiel’s face, and seems satisfied with whatever he finds there—he claps Castiel on the shoulder, squeezes once, then lets go. “Now, you go the hell to sleep. I’ll wake you up when Dean does.”

Castiel, who’s starting to think that if there’s anyone he can trust to watch over Dean, it’s the man beside him, doesn’t argue. 

#deancas #dean #cas #bobby #spn #del's writing #fic #content creator celebration #rambleoncas #offbeattraxx #gardenercas #seffersonjtarship

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/ #deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

[hoboal87]

The Fear

Title: The Fear

Pairing: Dean x pregnant!Reader, minor Sam x Eileen

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader

Summary: Dean comes home to find Y/N missing.

Word Count: 2300+

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, kidnapping, violence, fluff, pregnancy, non-graphic descriptions of childbirth, 15 x 20 adjacent.

A/N: my entry for @princessmisery666's #daily mix challenge combined with a Nonnie request.

Edit: I forgot to thank the lovely @lovealways-j​ for beta-reading this for me. Thanks, Sabrina!

My song is "The Fear" by The Score

My Full Masterlist

Something’s wrong.

Dean can sense it the moment he steps into his shared room with Y/N. He looks carefully around the room, trying to find a clue as to what’s got his hunter instincts in high gear. It looks no different then when he and Sam left three days ago, and yet, every bone in his body is telling him something is off.

“Y/N?” He calls out hesitantly as he makes his way towards her old room down the hall. She’d been in the process of turning it into a nursery for the last month and had a tendency to get lost in paint samples and baby supplies. As he closes in on the room, he can feel himself becoming more on edge and instinctively reaches for his gun. “Sweetheart? You in there?”

Dean’s heart sinks further into his stomach as he reaches the newly-converted nursery. The usually meticulously organized room was in a state of disarray as if there had been some sort of struggle. Dean calls out for Y/N again, willing her to give him some kind of sign that he was overreacting to what he was seeing.

He quickly pulls out his phone dialing Y/N’s number, he and Sam should have never gone on that hunt, Y/N was due in less than a month, but she insisted that they go.

This is Y/N, sorry I can’t come to the phone, if it’s an emergency please contact Sam or Dean…

“Fuck,” Dean mutters, waiting for her message to end. “Hey sweetheart,” he does his best to keep his voice steady. “Me and Sammy just got back and I just got a feeling…” he takes a deep breath. “Call me back. Love you.”

Dean pockets his phone, before taking in the room again, trying to convince himself that it’s his new-father instincts and not his hunter instincts that have him so on edge. That’s when he sees it: under a discarded bag, a small pool of blood. Dean’s breathing grows heavier, and he scans the room again, looking for any kind of sign of what may have happened in the room.

“Sam!” Dean yells out, his breath quickening. “Sammy!”

Sam’s behind him, skidding to a stop before taking in the sight of the room before him. Even with only a cursory glance Dean knows that Sam’s thinking the same thing as him, something’s happened to Y/N.

Dean hurries down to the infirmary, Y/N had insisted that they have everything to monitor her in the final months and in the worst-case scenario anything needed to help her deliver. The simple fetal monitor is right where they’d left it three days prior, Dean insists on listening to the heartbeat of his unborn child on an almost daily basis, letting the rapid thump thump thump put him at ease.

Dean’s phone buzzes in his back pocket, and he breathes out a sigh of relief when Y/N’s picture fills the screen. He takes a minute, calming himself, she doesn’t need to know that up until this moment he was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Sweetheart,” he smiles, “y’know you had us worried for a minute.”

There’s silence on the other end of the call, save for heavy, scratchy breathing.

“Y/N?”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Y/N whispers, choking back a sob. “I shouldn’t’ve trusted her. Now–”

“Baby, listen to me,” Dean finds Sam in the hall and mouths trace the call, Sam nods and bolts towards the library. “Are you okay? The baby?”

“That depends on you, Dean,” an unfamiliar voice replaces Y/N’s. “Now, be a good little soldier and do as I say. Only then will your precious wife and child have a chance to make it through this unharmed.” Dean can feel his blood boiling, this is why he could never not be a hunter. He and Sam have made too many enemies over the years, and now Y/N and their baby may be paying the price.

All the fear that he felt when Y/N first told him she was pregnant comes rushing back to the surface. Dean never thought he’d get married, let alone be a father, but with Rowena keeping the demons in check, and Jack limiting the angels' interaction on Earth, with the exception of Cas, life became some version of safe for the brothers.

That’s why Y/N insisted that they take the simple salt n’ burn just one state over. She knew that they were going a little stir crazy, Bobby, Jody and Donna, had started training the next generation of hunters so that boys could retire. Dean was hesitant to leave, Y/N was only a month away from her due date, but she shooed them out the door, claiming to need her own space from her overprotective husband and brother-in-law.

“Are you listening, Dean?” The voice tuts and Dean tries to clear his head of ‘if’s’ and ‘could’ve’s’ all it’s doing is driving him crazy.

“I’m listening,” Dean repeats through gritted teeth. The voice gives coordinates to a location a few hours away and before he realizes it he’s in the Impala, ready to do whatever it takes to save his wife and baby. Sam tells Dean what he’s already sure of: this is a trap and Y/N is being used as bait. He doesn’t care, he can’t lose her, lose their baby, not when she’s done nothing more than love him.

The sun is setting when they pull up to the abandoned farmhouse, original, Dean thinks. Dean wants to go bursting in, guns ablaze, but Sam stops him, reminding him that they don’t know who or what has got Y/N, and they have to be smart. He wants nothing more than to punch his brother for suggesting that they wait even a second longer to rescue Y/N, but he lets the words sink in and reluctantly agrees.

Silver bullets, holy water, dead man’s blood, witch-killing bullets and machete’s are divided between each brother, knowing that whatever has Y/N, one of these things will most likely kill it. When they enter the farmhouse Dean’s eyes lock on Y/N, who’s against a wall, two chains around her wrists.

Dean rushes towards her, the only thing on his mind is getting her and the baby out of this place and back home. Her breathing is shallow when he reaches her, and he gently inspects her body. Gingerly, he touches her face, allowing her Y/E/C eyes to meet his and she smiles lazily at him. Knew you’d come, she whispers, and Dean leans forward to place a kiss on her forehead. His free hand lands on the swell of her belly, where he can feel a slight kick against his palm.

“I love you,” Dean says softly so that only Y/N can hear him. “I’m gonna get you outta here, sweetheart, okay?” Y/N nods slightly as Dean focuses his attention on freeing her from her bonds.

There’s a grunt behind Dean, and when he turns around, Sam’s on the ground, and there’s a somewhat familiar woman standing behind him.

“Dean Winchester,” she exclaims as two large men appear and pull him to his feet. “Been too long.”

“Jenny,” he utters, remembering one of the first cases he worked with Sam. “You look good, a little dead, but, good.”

“Always the charmer, weren’t you Dean?” She takes a step towards Y/N. “I could smell you on her the second she walked past me. Women always trust other women, made her think I was a hunter; a tragic backstory here, a name drop there, and bingo, the dumb bitch is leading me into your home.”

Dean feels his anger rising as he tugs against the two men, his eyes flicker to Sam, who slowly starts reaching for the blade next to him.

“Up,” Jenny orders and when Y/N doesn’t comply she produces a blade, and presses it against her stomach. Dean’s heart stops at the threat to Y/N and their baby. “If you want to give your baby a chance to ever see the light of day, I suggest you cooperate.”

Y/N’s legs are wobbly as she stands, tears glistening in her eyes as Jenny slowly runs the blade against her. Dean’s gaze doesn’t leave her, watching as Jenny uncuffs her, and leads her slowly over to him.

Adrenaline pumps through Dean’s veins and he frees himself from his two captors; headbutting one and throwing a punch at the other as Y/N is pushed out of the way. Sam is up on his feet and in a swift move, swings the blade through Jenny’s neck, her body falling limp to the ground. For the briefest of moments, Dean relaxes, only for a vamp to be coming at him again.

Dean can barely keep track of anything, his eyes tunneling in on the large vamp in front of him. He can hear the grunts of Sam, and the familiar sound of another vamp going down. Y/N isn’t in his line of sight, and through the blood pounding in his ears, he hears Sam call his name.

It was just the distraction that the vamp needed and he barrels towards Dean, slamming him against a wooden post. He feels something pierce his side but he keeps fighting against the vamp. As the vamp is about to take his final shot, his head is gone, and Sam is quickly resheething his blade.

Y/N cries out, cradling her stomach and even from a distance he can see the pool blood between her legs. Go, Dean orders Sam who quickly obeys.

“I think she’s in labor,” Sam mutters. “I don’t think we can get her to a hospital in time.”

Dean rushes to Y/N’s side as best he can, telling her everything will be alright. Dean returns to Baby, grabbing the first aid kit, hastily patching up the wound, and retrieving a blanket from the trunk. The pain hits him all at once, but he pushes through it, his pain doesn’t matter, all that matters is that Y/N and the baby are safe.

Y/N’s screaming out in pain, begging for someone to make it stop as Sam does his best to calm her. Dean closes the distance in only a few steps, positioning himself behind her. He takes her hands in his, whispering praises in her ear as Sam orders her to push.

Within only a few minutes, Evelyn Marie Winchester is brought into the world, wailing loudly as Sam wraps her in his flannel and hands her over to Y/N. Dean offers Sam a silent thank you as he takes in the appearance of his daughter. Evie’s the perfect combination of him and Y/N.

The moment of bliss doesn’t last long, as Sam reminds them that they still need to get Y/N and Evie to a hospital. Dean moves from his place behind Y/N and winces at the pain now radiating through his body. Sam gives him a curious look, and Dean shrugs, trying to convince his brother that he’s fine.

Dean takes Evie out of Y/N’s arms, and cradles her against him as Sam helps Y/N to her feet. Dean takes a few steps before legs start to give and his vision starts to blur. The last thing Dean hears before everything going black is Y/N and Sam calling out his name.

Five Years Later

Dean watches as Evie runs around the backyard of their new home, chasing Miracle and laughing hysterically. Y/N was right, the Bunker was no place to raise a little girl, she deserves everything that he and Sam never had, and he is determined to give it all to her. Evie will never know what it’s like to go to bed hungry or cold, or wonder when she’ll see her parents again.

The opening of the front door tears Dean’s attention away from his daughter, Sam’s voice filling the otherwise silent house. He turns to see his brother carrying a ridiculous amount of gifts followed by a very pregnant Eileen with a shaggy haired toddler attached to her hip.

“Unca De!” Little Bobby tries to squirm out of Eileen’s hold and she carefully lets him down. The toddler bolts for Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean’s leg. “S’Evie’s birfday!”

“I know, buddy!” Dean laughs at his nephew, “how ‘bout you go tell her ‘happy birthday’?” Dean opens the side door and lets Bobby out.

“You are going to spoil my daughter rotten, Sam Winchester,” Y/N appears from the back of the house. Dean’s still amazed that even after years together, Y/N can take his breath away.

“Well, if I had another niece or nephew, I could spread the love.”

“I think you’ve spread enough love, Sammy,” Dean jokes as he heads into the kitchen, Sam following behind him. “I mean, you’re basically having your kids back-to-back.”

“Three years is hardly back-to-back,” Sam reaches out to grab a beer. “You’re just mad ‘cause I one-upped you.”

“Actually,” Dean peeks into the living room. “We’ll be even. Y/N’s pregnant.”

The words have hardly left Dean’s mouth before Sam’s engulfed him in a hug. Dean’s positive that Eileen and Y/N are having a similar conversation at this very same moment, but what neither Sam or Eileen know is that they have a bet on who will crack first.

“Just found out a couple of weeks ago,” Dean continues with the ruse. “She wanted to wait until after yours was born, didn’t want to take Eileen’s thunder or something.” Sam nods, seemingly understanding.

Hours later, after the last present has been opened, and the final piece of cake has been eaten, Sam and Eileen take a very sleepy Bobby home. Evie sits at the kitchen table, listening carefully and a smile growing on her face as Dean and Y/N tell her that in six months she’ll have a little brother or sister.

“Or both,” Y/N corrects with a knowing smirk.

“Both?”

Please reblog or send me an ask with your feedback!

This one-shot was requested by a nonnie, my requests are currently open, you can send me an ask or DM me if you’d like to request something. 

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#pmdailymix666 #dean x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean x pregnant!reader #angst #violence #kidnapping #angst with a happy ending

[quillquiver]

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

#alex talks #spngate #archived #this was very therapeutic #and i honestly don't know if i will ever be able to love something like this again #because i have been burned oh man #but this fandom is amazing #and i am proud to be a part of it #and i am not going anywhere #journaling #15x18 #15x19 #15x20 #castiel #dean winchester #destiel

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Traditions

A/N: This is for @thesassywallflower for the @spnfanficpond's Secret Santa Fic Exchange! (I had to pinch hit for the person who drew your name because they had a family emergency, so I hope you like this quickly-written thing!) They listed a few different pairings they would like, and my weird brain said, "SHOVE THEM ALL IN THERE!" Well, that wasn't physically possible, but I fit three of them in, somehow. Not beta-read because I'm a savage and time is a cruel mistress.

Summary: This is technically post-15x19, but in a canon-divergent world where certain folks are somehow back because reasons.

Pairings: Dean x Donna, Sam x Eileen, Cas x Meg

Word count: 1230 words

Sam landed so heavily next to Dean that he sent the gliding seat flying back hard enough to nearly tip the thing over. It was a pea-green two-seater outdoor gliding rocker that had been Donna’s grandparents’ from sometime in the early ’70s, but she kept it greased and looking good. Dean appreciated the work she put into it, just like Donna appreciated the work Dean put into Baby. He shifted to counterweight his moose brother and successfully stopped an accident from happening while glaring at the culprit.

Sam was so drunk his cheeks were bright red and his eyes rested on somewhere near Donna’s garden shed, completely oblivious to how he’d nearly knocked everything over. Dean wanted to grunt at his brother in disapproval, it would have gone well with his mood, but Sam looked to be in a similar mood.

“I love how much Donna and Eileen and Cas and Meg are getting into the holidays, but man, I don’t think I can listen to another version of The 12 Days of Christmas. That last one was just dogs barking, I think? Who comes up with all of this stuff?”

Dean sat back, his shoulder next to Sam’s since Sam was slumped down sloppily from being so very, very drunk. He shook his head and grunted in agreement. “Life was simpler when it was just us on the road with skin mags wrapped in newspaper for presents.”

Sam mimicked Dean’s earlier grunt of agreement and sighed while they both looked out across Donna’s snow-covered backyard. Little flakes were falling, but not enough to really add anything to what was already there. Colored lights lined the eaves of houses and covered trees and bushes, prettily lighting up the neighborhood where Donna lived. If it weren’t for the music and raucous laughter coming from inside the house, it would have been something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

“Do you think we’ll ever get used to normal holiday stuff like this?” Sam asked, trying and failing to sit up a little straighter on the cold, metal seat. “I mean, Cas and Meg seem to have embraced their new humanity without angel or demon powers full throttle, doing every holiday tradition they can get their hands on.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I had no idea there were traditions for Arbor Day.”

“Exactly!” Sam said, drunkenly smacking Dean in the arm as he emphatically agreed. “They’ve taken on everything they can find, and here we are, hiding from all the mistletoe!”

“That’s because Cas doesn’t seem to care that Meg has no qualms about kissing anyone and everyone she catches! I had no idea they would be so ‘free love’ after they got together!” Dean paused at a faint memory of a human Cas from a different timeline but shook it off. “But I get what you’re sayin’. They’re assimilating. Why are we sitting out in the cold?”

Sam shifted, wrapping his coat around himself a little tighter, and sighed again. “This is all I ever wanted. Jack’s in charge, so no looming apocalypse. Eileen, you and Donna, Cas is happy with Meg, we’re safe, we’re surrounded by family, and they’re sharing all of this with us.”

“So why are we out here hiding from it?” Dean finished Sam’s thought as the creak of the back door opening pulled their attention away from their own musings.

The sounds of the party inside poured out the door as Donna stuck her head out, first, then came outside with Eileen a step behind. Jody was laughing loudly while at least two of the girls were yelling about something. “What are you two doing sitting on that thing in this weather? You’ll catch yer death!”

Dean shifted with a groan. “Sam’s too drunk to feel anything, right now, and I’m pretty sure I lost feeling in my ass twenty minutes ago, so it hasn’t been too bad since then,” he joked with a smile. He waved her over and pulled her down to sit on his lap. Donna settled into his arms and gave him a sweet kiss. On the other side of the seat, Eileen did the same for Sam.

Donna cupped her hands on Dean’s cheeks, warming them as she looked into his eyes. “It’s okay if all of this is a bit much for you two, ya know. We know you’re not used to this kind of thing.”

Eileen, not being able to see what Donna was saying, said almost the same thing to Sam. “We figured you two needed a break from everything. Just wanted to check on you.”

Sam gazed adoringly at Eileen like a puppy looks at his favorite treats. “I really love that you guys did all of this, really. It’s everything I ever wanted. I don’t know why….” Sam’s voice trailed off as words failed him, but his hands squeezed Eileen to show his affection for her.

Donna put a hand on Sam’s hand where it rested on Eileen’s leg, catching both of their attention, then addressed all three of them. “Look, I know that you guys have lived in a way that this is all new and that’s okay! You have already put up with way more than I expected you to! It’s going to take a long time to get used to the idea that life is good and you can have this. And then, it’s gonna take even longer to get used to doing it!” Donna ran a hand through Dean’s hair, smiling as he leaned into her touch. “And all of that is totally okay. You say the word and I’ll send everyone to bed so you can have some quiet time!”

Sam took Donna’s hand and shook his head. “No, no! That’s okay! We’re okay! We’re just, I don’t know, taking a breather?” He looked at Dean, who met his gaze and smiled.

“Yeah, just needed a breather.” A soft smile played on his lips as he turned back to Donna. “Thank you, though.”

As Dean leaned in to kiss Donna, Sam did the same with Eileen. After a couple of sweet kisses, both women shivered and decided to head back inside. The brothers elected to stay outside for just a little while longer and watched with fond smiles as their partners disappeared through the door. Quiet descended once again, with the two men simply watching the snow fall.

“We are the luckiest sons of bitches in the whole goddamn world, Sammy,” Dean said, still staring into the middle distance. “It may take some getting used to, but I’m sure as hell gonna try.” Dean looked over at his little brother and slapped a hand on his knee with a smile.

Sam returned his brother’s smile and nodded. “Me, too,” he said, clapping Dean on the shoulder. “Let’s go back inside before our asses freeze to this thing.”

Dean chuckled and stood up, then helped his brother up. Sam almost knocked him over, but Dean caught him and steadied him with a laugh. Sam laughed at Dean’s laugh and they both headed back into Donna’s house, laughing at each other and how good their lives were, now. Both of them had good women who loved them, good friends around them, and a handful of skin mags wrapped in newspaper with their names on them under the tree. They couldn’t ask for anything more.

#spnfanficpond secret santa #dean x donna #deonna #donna x dean #sam x eileen #saileen #eileen x sam #cas x meg #megstiel #meg x cas #dean fluff #sam fluff #queue has four redundant letters #mrswhozeewhatsis writes #incoherent babbling by mrswhozeewhasis

[onionsaremeansstuff]

Arranged Love

Pairing: Mob!Castiel x reader

Gender: Male  

Summary: You were forced to marry on of the biggests mobsters in the town: Castiel, but, that doesn't mean he likes you 

I dont own the character or the gif

TW: sexual assault

Beta’d by  @chaoticgaysstuff​

The Novak family was one of the most notorious gangs in the City of Kansas. Dominated everything and everyone in this city. Everyone was afraid of that family, and there wasn't a single soul that didn't know about them, or the reputation they had. They made their name known with how dangerous they are along with the blood spilled and steel, purging all other mobsters in this city. 

But they still had enemies who could be just as dangerous and notorious as them and that was The Y/L/N Family, another gang in the neighborhood who was one of their rivals. Both families wanted the conflict between them to end, but both didn't want to be the one to submit to the other first. 

When they finally decided to come together and agree to settle everything that an idea was born. An agreement between the two families was reached to finally have peace with one another. 

The youngest child of the Novak family, Castiel would marry the daughter of the Y/L/N family who had yet to be born yet. 

Castiel was anything, but happy when he heard about the deal. After all, an arranged marriage would take away every ounce of his freedom, but he did want to end the conflict between both families. 

And it was definitely a shock to everyone when the child was finally born, a boy was born instead of a girl like everyone was expecting it to be. 

The tension in the room had risen considerably, but with the legalization of same-sex marriages, the agreement was still fully intact and still planned on having it. 

Castiel was pissed. Not only was he being forced to marry someone that he didn't even know, but he would have to marry a man. 

 Honestly, he thought about running away with his girlfriend and living in hiding for the rest of his life if he needs to. 

But, he knew that would be considered treason and the gang wouldn't think twice about killing him. 

He could only enjoy the next 18 years of freedom before Y/N turned 18, and they would have to get married. 

 Castiel already hated that poor boy. 

 -

 Y/N was only created for the sole purpose of marrying Castiel who he has never seen before in his entire life. 

He never really saw his parents a whole lot, and spent most of his time indoors, being taught how to cook and clean. 

 The few times he was allowed outside, he went to the park where he used to play when he was a kid, and can relax now as an adult. 

When the wedding had finally come, it was the first time that he would be meeting the famous Castiel. 

He has heard countless stories about the man. All good things and how handsome he was with the intention of making Y/N as submissive as possible. 

When he arrived at the altar, Castiel looked at him with hatred in his eyes that made Y/N flinch as the priest said that wedding vows they always said at weddings. 

You said the two famous words "I do" with a small kiss. Cheers and applauds ranged throughout the crowd. The rest of the party, you sat next to Castiel who really hated you. Everytime you tried to talk to him, he would sit there with his lips shut into a thin line. If there wasn't so much noise and you were outside, you bet crickets could be heard in the background. 

You moved into the Novak's mansion at the end of the party, and Castiel still refuses to speak to you, no matter how many times you have tried. 

The Novak's family came to properly meet you for the first time as Castiel left the room. 

 You were still being polite to everyone despite everything going on with Castiel and introduced yourself to everyone with a smille. Just how you were taught. 

Honestly, you hated all these stupid rules that you had to learn, but you didn't want to piss of anyone in the Novak family, especially now that you were living with them. 

You introduced yourself to Castiel's father and his brother, Gabriel who were the only two at the house at the time, so the introductions were very quick and soon, Gabriel offered to show to your room which you greatly accepted. 

He took you to the other side of this huge mansion, and stopped outside of a room with a very large golden door that looked fit for a king. He opened the door to reveal a huge bed in the center of the room. There were two desks with lamps on both sides of the bed with a small chair next to one of the windows. There was a door that led to the huge, shiny bathroom, and another that led to the walk-in closet that someone could practically live in. 

The room was nice, but you noticed how Castiel wasn't here. You were confused and asked Gabriel where he was. 

"The two of you won't be in the same room together. Castiel has asked to sleep alone." 

 You nodded, and didn't know why hearing that caused a feeling of sadness to wash over you, but it did.

 Of course he wouldn't want to be in the same room as you. The two of you didn't know each other. You both were practically strangers and it made sense that we wouldn't want to sleep with you. 

 But, all your life, you had heard stories about Castiel and kept being reminded over and over again that you were going to marry him. You couldn't help, but create a version in your head of what you imagined this man would be like. The version where you fell in love with him and everything was okay between you two. 

Gabriel said goodbye and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him as you threw yourself on the huge bed, and fell asleep in seconds. 

This was really your new life. 

---

 The next day after you moved in, their butler woke you up from your sleep to let you know that breakfast would be ready soon and to get ready. 

You got ready for the day, and headed towards the dining room soon after. 

Until you remembered that you didn't know where the fuck it was. 

 You were definitely lost in this huge mansion, walking from what felt like every damn hallway in this place. Seriously, how many hallways did they have? 

Suddenly, you felt someone place their hand on your shoulder. 

You turned around to see a tall man with green eyes, wearing what looked like clothes that just came out of the 20th century.

Ew, who dressed him? 

 "Who are you?" The man suddenly asked in a very deep voice. 

 "Y- Y/N." You stuttered out, feeling a little nervous. 

 "Oh, Castiel's husband," The man said, looking at you, "What are you doing in this part of the mansion? You shouldn't be here." 

"I don't mean to be here," You admitted, "I was just looking for the dining room." 

 "Oh, allow me to take you there." He held out his hand to you, which you gracefully took. 

 The man walked down endless corridors which felt like an eternity until he took you to a large room with a huge table and a large chandelier hanging over it. The rest of the members of the Novak family were already seated at the table. 

Everyone greeted you as you sat down in one of the chairs at the table. The man who took you there was about to leave the room. 

"Thank you." You thanked loudly and politely, as the man smiled at you and left the room. 

 You were looking around looking for Castiel when his father, Chuck noticed your gaze and told you that Castiel is usually late for breakfast all the time. 

 You started eating your food when Castiel entered the dining room. 

He changed out the clothes from last night and into other dressy clothes with a trench at 7 AM. 

You didn't understand why people in this place decided to wear what they were wearing. Their fashion sense was horrible and Castiel looked like an accountant. 

 Castiel ignored your good morning and sat far away from you at the table. 

You were silent for most of breakfast while one of Cas brothers spoke to you which you replied with one word answers, or gave a few nods. 

When Castiel was finished eating, he left the dining hall and you decided to follow him. 

You called out to him as you followed him, but he ignored you like always. 

 Once they were far away from the dining hall, he pushed you up against the hall, his hand wrapped around your throat. Not tight enough to hurt you, but enough to scare you. 

 "Shut the fuck up!" He snarled, staring at you in the eyes, "I want you to leave me alone. You destroyed my fucking life!"

"I-It's just that w-were married now, a-and I wanted t-to get to know you."

Castiel let out a dry laugh, "I don't give a fuck about us being married, or this shitty deal. You mean absolutely nothing to me, understand? Stop annoying me before I make you." He released you and went into his room.

You gasped for air once he released you, and rubbed the sore spot where he choked you, trying as hard as you can to stop tears from falling.

---

The following days at the mansion has been very boring.

You weren't allowed to go anywhere and when you tried to sneak out of the window, they were barred unfortunately.

Castiel's brothers were nice to you, but didn't try to befriend you, or even talk to you all that much.

More and more days have passed.

You spent your time walking around the house and reading books in their library.

Despite there being people here in this mansion, you honestly felt alone.

---

When nightfall came, you had trouble sleeping. Tossed and turned for most of the night and even closed your eyes tighter, hoping that you would fall asleep, but you just couldn't.

Guess insomnia was kicking in.

You let out a sigh before getting out of the bed, and deciding on getting a glass of water from the kitchen, but that wouldn't be an easy task due to the fact that this mansion was basically a maze.

Hell, you didn't even remember where the dining hall was which was near the kitchen.

"Y/N?" A voice said from behind you which caused you to turn around. Standing before you was the same man with green eyes who led you to the dining hall, "What are you doing up at this hour? It's 3 in the morning and you shouldn't be in this part of the house, again."

Well, I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get a drink of water, but I got lost." You replied, "Again." You added in which caused the man to let out a little laugh as he gestured for you to follow him.

Finally, the kitchen was insight.

You entered the large kitchen. The green eyed man took two cups out of the cup board, and a mug filled with water out of the refrigerator. He poured you and glass and handed it to you.

"Thanks, uh..." You trailed off, hoping that you could get his name since you didn't know it. 

"Michael." He introduced himself to you, and you froze when you heard his name. 

 This was Michael Novak. 

He was the most feared man in this city with his cold, calculating stare that could freeze anyone in their tracks with only a single look. Rumors had it that he would kill anyone who looked at him the wrong way and one time, someone accidentally bumped into him, not knowing who he was and went missing that same day. He was way more terrifying than his father. 

You were scared of this man from everything you heard.

Noticing the scared expression on your face, Michael laughed, placing a gentle kiss on the back of your hand, and all you could do was laugh along with him. 

"Gosh, I love that reaction when people know who I am," He exclaimed, "But, you can relax. They are just rumors. Well, some of them are true, but I'm not going to hurt you. You're family now, and I don't hurt my family." 

 You let out a sigh of relief, and relaxed a little bit though you were still cautious. 

Michael offered you a cookie and you really weren't sure where he got it from, but accepted it and hoped that it wasn't poisoned. 

"I wish Castiel thought that way." You muttered softly, hoping that Michael wouldn't hear you, but he did. 

 "Does he not think of you as family?" Michael asked curiously, "You? His husband." 

 You shook your head and told him about what's been going on. How Castiel has been ignoring you all the time and how you two sleep in separate rooms, and how much he hates you, but made sure to leave out the part about him choking you. 

Michael gave you a look of sympathy, a look you didn't think this man could ever give someone and wrapped his arms around you.

You were shocked by this, but relaxed into his arms. You didn't really hug very many people, but hugging this man felt good. Really good. 

"Don't worry, okay? My brother is..." Michael looked for the right words to say, "Well, he's complicated and has some problems, but it's not your fault. I can talk to you for him if you want." He offered, but you denied that offer. You didn't want to possibly make the situation worse by bringing his other family into it. You both stood there for a moment still wrapped in each other's arms, enjoying the peaceful silence before he broke it, "You should go back to your room now. I'll take you there." 

He took you back to your room and both said goodnight to one another. 

Thanks to that conversation you had, you managed to sleep peacefully. 

 ---

The next night was once again, another sleepless night. You decided to go back to the kitchen and actually remembered where it was this time. 

And Michael was also there. 

"Hey, little one. Couldn't sleep again?" He asked once he noticed your presence. 

 You mumbled a small yes under your breath and got a glass, and poured yourself some water. 

"I take it you have insomnia?" 

"That I do," You answered, "And it doesn't help that there's absolutely nothing to do here. Can't exercise, can't watch TV, I can't even go outside." 

Michael chuckled, "Well, the game room and the huge library is in the part of the mansion where you aren't allowed to enter along with the gym." He paused, "You're right. There's not much to do around here." 

"You got that right and why can't I enter that part of the house?" You questioned, "What's over there that I can't see?" 

"It's where we do business." He said, using air quotes around business, "Dad and I don't want you involved in any of this." 

You rolled your eyes, "I'm fine with hearing people get tortured if it means that I can watch some Netflix." You stated seriously which made him laugh. 

"I'm sorry to say this, but you still aren't allowed to go in that part of the house. But there's a TV in my room and I have the day off tomorrow. If you want, we can watch something together." He offered and you agreed to that offer without a second thought. 

"Thank you. You're saving me from dying of boredom in this place." He chucked before leaving you alone in the kitchen. 

---

Finally, breakfast was over and you could go watch TV with Michael today. 

He took you to his room and it was nothing like how you imagined. 

You imagined there would be guns planted on the walls with knives and other deadly weapons they used to kill people. A dark room with black wallpaper that would scream evil. 

Instead, it was a nice room with a huge bed in the middle and a TV on the other side of the room, across from the bed. A blue wallpaper and a couple of bean bags planted in the room. A lamp next to the TV along with a bookcase. 

It was nice. Basic, but nice nonetheless. 

There were pictures of his family on the walls. You looked over them, and one picture stood out to you. 

Someone who you didn't recognize.

"Who's the punk in this photo?" You pointed to the picture with a tall male who had a mohawk, green dye added in his hair. He was wearing a shirt that said "surf naked" and a pair of biker pants. 

Michael looked at the photo you pointed to before looking back at you, "We all go through some stages in life. It just had to be me who went through a punk phase." 

Your eyes widened upon disbelief. 

Michael, the most feared man in this city who wears such formal clothes on a daily basis, had gone through a punk phase? That's something that you weren't expecting. 

Before you knew it, you busted out laughing at the way he used to look. 

 "Hey! That's not funny!" 

 You let out another laugh, "Sorry."  

Looking through the other pictures, you saw pictures of his family from their younger years. Gabriel and Castiel when they were children and Chuck when he was a few years younger. Pictures of them at birthday parties and special occasions. 

 One photo really caught your eye and in that photo was Castiel himself. He looked to be a few years ago. Maybe about 6 years younger, standing next to a beautiful woman with pale skin and dark hair. 

"Who's the woman?" You asked, as Michael sighed. 

 "That's Meg. Castiel's ex fiance." 

Ex fiance, huh. You feel like you had a pretty good idea why they broke up, but needed to hear it first for confirmation. 

 "They broke up because of me, didn't they?" 

Michael sighed once again, "Yeah. But that was for the best, even though he didn't see it that way," Michael sat on the bed before he continued, "Meg was a very toxic person. She cheated on Castiel several times and only dated him because of his surname, but he loved her too much and always forgave her for everything that she did wrong. When it was time for you and him to get married,  my father forced her out of town and made her break up with Castiel, even though Castiel didn't want that to happen." 

Well, now you can kinda see why he hates you. He's in love with someone else and had to get married to a stranger. 

"So, that's why he hates me so much?" 

"Pretty much," Michael nodded, "But, you are a much better fit for him than her." 

"But, you don't even know me well enough to even know that." 

"I'm a pretty good judge of character, but enough talking about this. Let's watch something." He patted the spot on the bed next him, telling you to come over and sit down. You sat down next to him and you turned on the TV. 

You two spent all day watching TV and talked about everything and nothing. From your childhoods to stories that you both had endured to your favorite hobbies. 

 You found out that Michael loved Disney and that he was the oldest Novak along with being the funniest. 

Hanging out in Michael's room with him had become a routine for you both whenever he had the day off. 

Spending time with Michael made you forget all about your "husband" and the problems you had with him. 

But, he didn't forget about you.

 Castiel hated you with every fiber in his being for being the one to separate him from Meg, but he definitely found it weird that you kept going to Michael's room. 

 Were you and Michael in a secret relationship? Were you seriously cheating on him with his own brother? 

He felt jealousy coursing through his veins, but tried to push it down and ignore it. He doesn't like you, after all.

 But, he couldn't help but overhear the conversations that you and Michael have. How soothing your voice sounded, your intoxicating laugh, and those stories about your life. 

How the two of you were similar in a lot of things and how every single detail of your life seemed to be amazing. 

You definitely peaked his Interest. 

Soon, it wasn't just you who got excited when Michael had a day off from work. 

 ---

You quickly walked to Michael's room with a cup of coffee in one hand, and some pancakes in the other. The older man had a terrible habit of not eating, so you decided to make some food and bring it to him. 

When you knocked on the door, Michael opened it, dressed in a suit with an opened suitcase on his bed that he was putting clothes into. 

 "Oh, good morning, little one! Thanks for the food, but I have leave right now. I have to deal with some unfinished business." He grabbed his suitcase off the bed and walked over to you, kissing you on the forehead, "My key to the room is on the table and you can use it while I'm not here." He ran out of the room before you could say anything. 

A smile made its way onto your face. You had Michael's room all to yourself. 

You set the food and coffee down on the table and flopped onto his bed, reaching for the remote and turning on the TV. About a half hour later, your eyes started drooping and you ended up falling asleep.

 ---

 You woke up to the sound of someone opening the door. 

"Michael what the fuck are you-" Before the person could finish speaking, he noticed that it wasn't Michael in the room, but that you were in the room,     Y/N? What are you doing in Michael's room?"

 Castiel stood on the side of the bed, wearing that trench coat again. 

"Oh, Michael let me stay in his room." 

 Anger and jealousy could be shown on Castiel's face, "Get out of his room!"

"What? No! I can be in here if I want to be in here! Michael actually likes me and allows me to stay in here!" 

 "Well, why didn't you marry him then?!" 

"Oh, I wish I could've married someone amazing like Michael, and not to a spoiled playboy who gets pissed off because he can't marry his girlfriend!" You exclaimed, "You are pathetic Castiel!"

Castiel was so angry that he looked ready to kill. To kill you, and honestly you thought that he would, but he left the room instead and slammed the door shut.

You sighed and went back to watching your favorite movie, trying to ignore your husband's existence.

---

When dinner time came it was only you, Castiel, and Gabriel.

It was mostly silent. Gabriel had made some jokes which were funny, but none of you laughed.

Castiel was the first to leave and you left soon after, heading towards your room, but their butler stopped you.

"Master Y/N, you will be sleeping in Master Castiel's room from now on."

You froze, 'Oh, no. He's gonna kill me in my sleep.' You thought.

"Master Y/N? Are you okay?" The butler asked, trying to get your attention, "Please follow me to Master Castiel's living quarters."

You followed the butler to Castiel's room and he stopped outside of his room door.

"Here's his room and your belongings are all inside his room. Have a good day, Master Y/N." He said and walked down the hall.

You gulped before opening the door.

Castiel's room didn't look different from yours at all. The only thing that was different was the wallpaper.

Castiel was in the room and looked at you when you entered the room, but soon turned his attention back to his cell phone.

You approached the bed like you would approach a lion. Fearful and cautious.

"Lay down and don't make a sound." Castiel's deep voice demanded and slightly startled you.

You laid down on the bed with your back to Castiel, eyes staring at the wall.

It was still pretty early, but you wanted to sleep soon, afraid of what Castiel might do or say and you didn't want to be awake for that.

"Aren't you going to brush your teeth before bed?" Castiel questioned, poking you in the shoulder.

You got out of bed and went to the bathroom where you found your toothbrush and then brushed your teeth.

"Finished, happy now?"

He rolled his eyes, "No, I'm not happy now. Are you going to sleep in that outfit?" He pointed at the outfit you were currently wearing, "All your clothes are here and where did you get that hoodie?" He demanded to know.

"Michael gave it to me." You answered his question.

"Take it off now!"

"No!" You responded, pulling the hoodie closer to you.

"Take it off now, or I'll do it myself." He warned as he approached you.

"Over my dead body." You replied, and soon regretted it since he could make your death quick and painless.

Castiel took the hoodie off your body, and you let out a sigh of annoyance.

'What the fuck is his problem? It was just a hoodie!' You thought.

You didn't wear a shirt underneath, so you put your arms over your stomach as Castiel stared at your upper body.

"Stop looking at me and you don't deserve to see me without a shirt on." You told him, as he rolled his eyes and went to the closet, taking a white t-shirt and threw it at you.

He sat on the bed and started doing something on his phone.

The shirt was his and you honestly didn't want anything from him, but you just put on the shirt and laid on the bed, turning your back to him and hoped that he wouldn't kill you in your sleep.

---

You woke up in the middle of the night to hear Castiel grumbling about something.

"Michael... not... yours..." He murmured into his pillow.

"Sleeptalker. Great." You thought sarcastically, as you tried to go back to sleep, but Castiel's constant talking was making it pretty hard for you to do that.

"Y/N… mine." He said before going completely quiet.

You just ignored whatever came out of Castiel's mouth and went back to sleep, but was curious to know what he meant by saying that.

---

The following days were basically the same as the last. You would wake up, have breakfast, go to Michael's room and then go back to Castiel's room.

The two of you didn't speak to each other at all.

---

You were watching TV in Michael's room when the bedroom door opened. Michael stood there wearing those awful clothes. You hopped off the bed to give him a hug.

"Oh, hello Y/N." Michael greeted, hugging you back, "How are you?"

You told him about everything that has happened the week he has been gone and he talked a little about what he's been up to as well. Of course, Michael didn't say much at all. You told him how you were now sleeping in the room with his brother and you didn't know if there was an actual smile on Michael's face, or if that was your imagination.

"Master Michael and Master Y/N?" You heard the butler address you both before Michael allowed him to enter "Master Gabriel asked you both to get ready because you will be leaving shortly."

"Leaving? Where are we going?"

"Today is Gabriel's birthday and we are going to one of our family's nightclubs to celebrate." Michael explained to you and you left the room to change your clothes.

---

The club was very loud and noisy.

There were a lot of people you’ve never seen in your life, not that you’ve seen many people other than your family and the Novak's.

Michael was gone. He said that he had to resolve an unforeseen event, but you were sure he was just having sex with someone and he looked like he needed to release some sexual frustration.

You saw Michael as an older brother. Nothing more and nothing less. You really wanted him to meet someone and get some rest. He needed it.

Gabriel had disappeared with someone and Castiel was sitting in a chair with a girl on his lap, and they were obviously flirting with one another.

You felt pain, but made sure not to show it.

So, you decided to go to the bar on the other side of the club to get something to drink and to get away from them. You weren't old enough to drink yet, but no one will say no to a Novak. 

 You took your drink and went outside, and sat on the bench outside with a Martini in your hand. You were drinking it when you suddenly felt a hand touch your thigh, causing you to jump slightly. 

 You looked to your right to see an older man who was obviously drunk. 

"What's a pretty boy like you doing out here all alone?" He purred, rubbing his finger up and down your thigh. 

His breath smelled of alcohol and you tried to remove his hand from you, but he wouldn't budge. 

 "Dude, fuck off!" You yelled, and stood up, wanting to get away from this creep.  

 The man pushed you against the wall, putting a hand inside your pants with one hand squeezed your ass while trying to kiss you. 

 You tried to get this bigger man off of you, but he wouldn't go away. Then suddenly you felt the man being pulled away from you. 

 "Who the fuck do you think you are?" You heard someone's deep and opened your eyes to see Castiel holding the man by the throat "Who do you think you are to touch my fucking husband, you motherfucker?"

 Castiel dropped the man to the ground and pulled out his gun, aiming it at him, "Never step foot into this town again because if I see you here, I will kill you and that's a promise that I'll keep." He punched the man in the face, blood on his knuckles from the punch. 

  Castiel turned to face you who had a scared expression on his face, "Are you okay?" He asked, feeling concerned for your well-being. 

You didn't answer that question, still in shock from everything that had just  happened. 

"Come on. Let's go home." He took your hand and led you to his car. 

 ---

Castiel took you to his room and laid you on his bed, taking off his trench coat and putting over you. 

 "Do you want to talk about what happened today?" He asked softly, sitting next to you on the bed. 

 You just looked at him for a second before looking away. You felt Castiel's rubbing his finger over your jaw. 

 "It's okay now. He can't do anything to you, okay?" He spoke softly, "I won't let him. Michael won't let him. None of us will let him, okay?" He kissed you on the  forehead and was about to get up when you stopped him. 

 "Can you please stay?" You asked. You didn't know why, but you wanted Castiel to stay here with you. 

He was confused at first, but nodded and laid behind you with your back pressed against his chest. 

That's how the rest of the night happened. You wrapped in his arms in complete silence. 

 ---

 You woke up the next morning with Castiel's arms still wrapped around you. 

 You didn't want to leave because it was really comfortable being in his arms, but your moving caused Castiel to wake up. 

 "Good morning, Y/N." He greeted and you mumbled a good morning in return, "Let's eat something, shall we?"

 You stood up and got ready for the day, but before you left, you placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. 

 "Thanks for saving me last night." You told him, and his only reply was pressing a kiss against your forehead. 

 "It was nothing and," He looked down at the floor before looking back at you, "I'm sorry for how I've been treating you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way." He apologized, and you accepted it. 

 He went to open the door but turned to look at you. 

 "Y/N, I..." He sighed, "I want to give us a chance." He spoke confidently. 

 Your eyes widened in shock, "What?" 

 "I was an asshole to you and I really don't deserve another chance, but I've watched you from afar these past few months and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I listened to you and Michael's conversations, and I started falling in love with you, even though I am one stubborn idiot and didn't want to admit it. When that asshole touched you yesterday, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I know that I don't deserve it, but can I-" Before he could finish you leaned over and kissed him. 

 "Okay, Castiel." You smiled at him and left the room. 

 You two sat next to each other at breakfast this time and Castiel gave you a huge smile. 

Gabriel and Michael were happy that you two are finally getting along together. 

 ---

"Come on, Y/N. We'll be late for our date!" Castiel said from downstairs at the mansion entrance. 

"It's not like someone is gonna take our place at the restaurant, Cas." You replied, walking down the stairs and kissing you on the cheek. "Lets go."

When Castiel opened the door, you saw a woman standing there with a kid in her hand. She was about to knock on the door before he opened it. 

"Hello Castiel." The woman greeted. 

You recognized her from somewhere, but couldn't place it until realization dawned on you. This was Meg, Castiel's ex fiance. 

"I need help with our son." 

In that moment, you felt your world stop and fall apart. 

#x male reader #castiel x male reader #castiel x reader #supernatural x male reader #supernatural x reader #castiel x male!reader #male reader #Misha Collins x male reader

[mittensmorgul]

I feel like I should be posting more original content. I’ve been here for so long, posting original content analyzing every detail of this show, and posting literally millions of words on the subject, and the show has gone and done exactly the thing I’ve been writing about, confirmed in text that the story I’ve been watching in the subtext is really the story they were telling all along.

And I could be posting gleefully about the beauty of the most intense metanarrative, the absolute bananapants layers of meta in any piece of media I’ve ever consumed in my 46 years. From the self-referential and universe-bending plotlines to just how deeply embedded ALL of this has become as the central core narrative of the final season, as the characters grapple with what is even real when they’ve been characters in a story beyond their control or understanding for so long only to come so close to earning their freedom and “becoming real” by using their OWN words and declaring for themselves their truth and their happiness and their love.

It’s... mind boggling that everything I’ve ever written about this show is coming back around in a final grand swoop of the narrative arcs that I honestly don’t know what else I can do aside from waving one hand at canon and inviting everyone to just read the entirety of this stupid blog while looking smugly satisfied with myself.

It’s about love. The whole story is, was, and always will be about love. And not just destiel, but the whole damn show. The character of Dean Winchester, for all the jokes about being emotionally constipated, is essentially the embodiment of selfless love and has been since the start of the show. But because of the story itself, he had to become hardened to it, to accept that it wasn’t something he could have for himself if he lived the life he did. And yet he never let that destroy him, despite now understanding that that’s exactly what Chuck spent the last 15 years (and really the entirety of Dean’s life) attempting to do-- to break him for the sake of the story.

Cas’s confession in 15.18 wasn’t just about how Cas loves Dean, but why. Cas, the only version of Castiel in any of Chuck’s infinite universes who broke free of Heaven’s command, did so because of the love he saw in this selfless but self-hating man. Years of crack posts about Dean breaking angels cannot even begin to touch how deep this goes.

One line in Cas’s monologue about Dean thinking of himself as “daddy’s blunt instrument” was a line from season THREE, before Cas ever even MET Dean Winchester and began to know him. It was a phrase that had never been spoken aloud in reality. It happened literally inside Dean’s dream, where he knew he was doomed to go to hell and was confronted by the demon version of himself. Dean said this line TO HIMSELF, IN A DREAM, TWELVE SEASONS AGO. And then yelled down that demon-dream version of himself with this:

DREAM DEAN: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

DEAN: Son of a bitch!

DEAN pushes DREAM DEAN hard, knocking him into the wall above the desk.

DEAN: (screaming angrily) My father was an obsessed bastard!

DREAM DEAN tries to get up and DEAN kicks him down on the desk again. DEAN holds the weapon as a bat and hits DREAM DEAN once and then pins him to the wall with it.

DEAN: All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-

DEAN steps back and swings the weapon again, hitting DREAM DEAN twice.

DEAN: He's the one who let Mom die. who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me. And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

DEAN shoots DREAM DEAN twice in the chest. As he lowers the weapon and looking at DREAM DEAN, we see the latter is dead. Blood is splattered on DREAM DEAN's face and his eyes are closed.

--

And then after that, spoiler alert, he went to hell and Cas pulled him out.

Dean: Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?  Castiel: Good things do happen, Dean. Dean: Not in my experience. Castiel: What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?

It took him YEARS to truly get past this. He didn’t really get to confront his own father until season 14, in a sort of “It’s A Wonderful Life” sort of episode where he could see what his life might’ve been like if things had turned out differently. And oh, Cas isn’t in his life. But he gets to confront John with his own self-acceptance, his own confidence in the life he’s made for himself and the people (including Cas) who have become his family. He gets to hear from John that he never wanted that life for Dean, and Dean gets to say, well I would choose this life anyway.

Until Chuck’s revelation pulled that rug out from under him. Dean had been-- if not deliriously happy, at least content with his life. Because it was HIS. And then he found out it wasn’t, that Chuck had always been writing the broad strokes of his life, had always been the one throwing catastrophe after apocalypse after cosmic crisis directly in his path because he wanted to watch Dean struggle to save the world yet again, and finally give him the ending to the story that Chuck wanted-- a broken and devastated Dean who’d sacrificed everything for the story yet again. And suddenly NOTHING about anything made sense to Dean anymore, and even Cas showing up in his life and then weirdly sticking around all these years was suspect to him. He trusted nothing, not his choices or his feelings or his own happiness.

But now? We know (and Dean knows) that Cas was one thing Chuck just couldn’t control. That he was never supposed to think for himself and rebel and fall in love with Dean. And Dean knows that too. He knows all of it. And ALL of that just went wooshing through Dean’s central processing unit in the span of two minutes and came up error messages, because it was too late now and Cas was gone again, and there might not be any getting him back this time.

So unless Dabb era has been entirely about destroying everything that was ever good about this show, and about their own storytelling, and the metanarrative and the subtext and the character arcs, making Dean and Cas’s relationship the main emotional arc of the entire season demands that Dean get a chance to answer to this.

If love is truly the ultimate weapon of their salvation, as the show has been screaming since s11, then Dean gets to keep Cas. Because anything less is failure at this point.

I’m sorry I haven’t been replying to many people in my inbox, but honestly I’m too tired to deal with anxiety over how the story will end. I only care about the story, and I’ve written more about it in the last howeverlong I’ve been at this than I can possibly reiterate before the next episode airs. All I can do is point and gawp at the fact that the story is what I have always thought it was, and be content.

Revenge of the Subtext, indeed.

#spn 15.18 #destiel #the scheherazade of supernatural #revenge of the subtext #it's spirals all the way down #order vs chaos and darkness vs light #using your words #grand unification via love theory #there's probably 3000 posts across those tags and more in other tags linked to those if you wanna know how i feel about this show #i feel like i've written everything bar the shouting at the end at this point #lol including Revenge of the Subtext aka my first dcbb fic back in 2015 so like... *eternal shrug emojis* #i don't know what else to say at this point other than you either read anything i've written in the last 8 years or so or like... #nothing i say now is really gonna help i guess #lol i even wrote about how chuck was controlling the story way back in s11 so like... #i think i was one of the few holdouts in s11 who was convinced that amara didn't need to be killed but reunited with chuck #from like two days after 10.23 aired and before we knew she was amara or that chuck would ever come back #or that he was god lol... i was calling them darkness and light or creation and destruction #i wrote a lot of wackadoo sounding shit because we had no context to define them yet but ALL of it held up all season #and then dabb era ushered in the age of the metanarrative where the story unfolded on at least six levels simultaneously #and i get that's not every casual fan's cup of tea but for someone invested in the characters it ws GLORIOUS #they laid this whole trail of subtext and meta breadcrumbs all the way up to this point circling around a huge pole holding up the entire #story... and the center of it all is LOVE and it's an angel's love of a single human that the show has been pointing at forever #you draped yourself in the flag of heaven but really you did it all to save one human... hello season 9! #and a broken human's love of an angel he feared he could never deserve... and that's the love that can defeat every cosmic power out there #that's what we have left to watch in the final two episodes and i honestly don't know what else to say #love wins

[derangedhyena-delphinidae]

numerous issues with “The Aftermath of Seaworld”

When I get time to do so (aka when I’m done with the documentary), I’m likely going to make a video version of this going into the details. 

But for right now, I’ve made this. Both as a guideline for me and so everyone can begin to get an idea of the severity of issues involved.

Researching things is time-consuming and can be very difficult - believe me, I know. But I’m of the mind that if you’re making content with the intent of educating people, you have a responsibility to perform a certain level of due diligence. It IS okay to express uncertainty or doubt if you have it. It is NOT okay to confidently assert things that you do not know with certainty.

The video has an anticap slant, and I’m obviously not disagreeing on that front. But again: if you’re gonna go through the trouble of teaching people something. Bare minimum... please make sure it’s actually correct. *** 1) x ‘founded in 1964 and based out of Florida’ -  ???? Seaworld definitively began on the west coast, in San Diego, CA. And given that the first park opened in early 1964… things came together before that. Uh? 2) x ‘four people founded Seaworld [...]’ For one… it wasn’t originally conceived as a restaurant, it was originally conceived as an underwater bar/lounge. Two… calling the four guys involved in founding the place “frat brothers” is fucking ridiculous and completely overlooks a) how each was actually involved and b) the overall significance of their contributions to the field as individuals. Hint: like it or not, they were important and did a lot! 

3) x If one is going to bring up SWBGCF/rescues while talking about the literal founding of SW, it gives the impression that it’s been around for that duration. It hasn’t.  It’s actually a bit unclear when SW started an organized rescue program, but the Fund itself and all that it did came about much later. The rescue information and how it’s presented is actually INCREDIBLY complex, nuanced, and has a fascinating history (from a “bad company behaving badly” perspective). Oversimplifying this, to this degree and in this misinformative way, does the facts of the situation an INCREDIBLE disservice.  

4) x [assertive statement about what the name Shamu means]  ….Uh actually there’s several explanations for the name Shamu, and the most likely one IMO seems to be the “she-namu” one, not the “friend of Namu” one(? What is this even based on.) 4b) It’s not quite clear if she’s saying “Namu was the first ever orca to be displayed and perform shows” or or Namu was the first to be displayed and, like Shamu, performed shows. Either way, Moby Doll was the first to truly be displayed to the public, not Namu.

5) x ‘Namu died after one year in captivity and you’d think that this might deter Seaworld from doing the same thing again…’ Seaworld truly had nothing to do with Namu. And they leased/took possession of Shamu before Namu died. ‘Again’? What?

6) x “Now, PETA paints a pretty disturbing picture…” [while showing Okura’s artwork] This video segment is, and this is putting it nicely, a pile of poorly-researched BULLSHIT.  -Yes, PETA talks about Shamu’s capture, re: the harpooning of her mother. This Youtuber cannot apparently be arsed to look more than 1 Google search into this, as she proceeds to dismiss the information as potentially fabricated. There are two detailed accounts of Shamu’s capture that I’m aware of - in books - and though they have some slight conflicts, it’s absolutely NOT in doubt that the female who was very likely Shamu’s mother was 1) harpooned, 2) died from her injuries and 3) this had been done to make her easier to catch/locate because there was a fucking buoy attached to the harpoon. Which she dragged around for at least 24 hours prior dying.  So maybe don’t dismiss that as PETA hysteria, maybe TRY to determine the truth of the matter, which would inform one that it is both true and completely horrifying.  -In addition, Okura is an awesome individual who has worked very hard to create a variety of informative artwork for our cause. Okura is NOT associated with PETA and it’s borderline libel in my eyes to use their artwork in this dismissive manner when the primary sources of it can be easily identified online, with full explanations and everything. Do I take special offense to this because of the misuse of artwork? Absolutely. Artists get disrespected enough online. I’m tired of it. This kind of laziness IS NOT acceptable.

7) x ‘timeline is fuzzy about when Shamu died’ …………… it’s…. It’s really not … newspapers are pretty clear about it…..

8) x [complete and utter oversimplification of the lifespan issue, which is not acceptable for anything published in 2020. It just isn’t. If you’re going to bring it up like this, either do the legwork and get into the weeds or stay out.] 8b) [same for reproductive ages. sigh]

9) x if we’re going to talk about when Cornell was involved with Seaworld it’s very important to specify when Cornell was involved with Seaworld and not make it seem like it’s present tense.

10) x “both were rescued by Seaworld” - uh? no. Zero orcas have been rescued by Seaworld. Literally none. The infected-jaw orca was Sandy, whose story is complex and certainly does not involve Seaworld until much later. And many of the orcas in that time period had bullet wounds, often only identified post-mortem because they didn’t seem to hurt the animals much. Also, unflinchingly blending 70s captivity ethics with modern ones is also complete nonsense? 

11) x [tilikum coming from sealand] inhales I am going to make an entire video centered on this fucking subject because it’s one of the single most profound arguments for Seaworld being garbage as assessed by US government agencies in the 90s yet everyone utterly fails to mention this. Why?!

12) x what on earth is this nonsense re: quoting a quote from Zimmerman’s article - which has already been removed from its original context, so the original context is not available - and then penalizing the quote for existing as if Zimmerman’s article were the context? That is offensively disingenuous. I honestly don’t know what the original context is, either - but it’s wildly inappropriate to act as if the Zimmerman article is.

13) x this is relatively minor but ‘Paul Sprong’? You literally have his name on the screen. And then mis-reading his age too? While asserting it from a static article published years ago? Effort? Where is it?

14) x ‘another trainer, Peter’ ….. Ken Peters…. 

15) [weirdly glossing over the widely-available list of orca-trainer injuries/aggressions, despite it being central to the point.] 16) x This pilot whale outrage certainly happened but it was pretty clearly Blackfish that started the cascade of woes for Seaworld. Who has ever asserted this?

17) if you’re gonna just rehash blackfish, tell people to go watch blackfish.

18) x I’ve already gone over the context issue with Seaworld calling out Howard’s statement in Blackfish here (point 23). Which is to say, IN CONTEXT in Blackfish it’s clear what Mr. Garrett is talking about but, divorced from that, it sounds incorrect. But this Youtuber AMPLIFIES the issue by doubling down on the assertion with “no record of a killer whale doing any harm to anyone in the wild.” The surfer event should always be mentioned. Yes, there’s absolutely room for doubt. But there’s also a clear demarcation between an accidental attack (eg mistaken identity, as was likely for the surfer) and intentional one (eg the incidents at marine parks.) Why do people kneecap themselves on this point 18b) please stop acting like Luna represents orcas in general.

19) x “Howard, for all of his research…” … while referring to David Duffus’ b-roll and statements. Uh. 20) x Apparently this Youtuber has single-handedly resolved the dorsal fin issue. You know, the thing that hasn’t been properly researched ever, that has been subject to a ton of debate, that isn’t 100% settled for a variety of reasons, and almost everyone talks about in terms of theories and likely possibilities.  21) x Alexis Martinez wasn’t “torn to shreds.” In a space where even moderate exaggerations are often penalized harshly by the opposition, this kind of blatant nonsense is not welcome. Plus, the reality’s bad enough… you don’t have to make anything up!

22) x *sighs. points at own webpage*

23) Talking about the shows stopping without acknowledging how that’s a bit of a farce is something else. In addition to apparently just flipping to buying what Seaworld’s selling re: its ‘improved image.’ 

*** Tl;dr video is so unrelentingly full of errors ranging from small to egregious it makes me seriously concerned for the veracity of the rest of this person’s content. The maker of the video provided a list of their sources in their video description, which I will have time to look through in detail later. The above is solely a response to the information they present IN THE VIDEO - which, is very important because let’s be real: a lot of people are not going to look at the list of sources. People don’t even do it when citing papers (no really, you’d be surprised, fml.) For anyone who wants to whinge that I haven’t linked or asserted any sources of my own for my claims… well, remember what I said about time-consuming and ‘I’m busy’? Yhea. Getting all of that together will be part of making a video. So if you want to shrug loudly at my list here… you can, that’s your prerogative, I’m happy to say I DGAF if that’s your takeaway. 

What I hope, is that if there’s anything I’ve made clear over the While of running this blog, it’s that I don’t fuck around when it comes to sources and information and do my best to provide what information exists, all of it, not just cherrypicked bits and bobs. Anyways. Here’s step 0 at least. Please don’t share that video. Pretty please.

#seaworld #grumble

[wormstacheangel]

some latinenatural for my benefit mostly. read the first two chapter on ao3 aqui

Dean was still wearing a big smile when he finally kicked his boots off at home. It took everything he had to finally let Cas leave his Baby, wanting to keep pulling him in for one final kiss after another. Cas now knows what “Otro Besito.” means. Enough so that every time he heard it, he rolled his eyes, but he always leaned in. Until finally, he closed the car door and promised to text Dean tomorrow.

Cas’s number is now saved under an angel emoji porque Dean es un romantico first and foremost.

“Apenas estas llegando?” Dean looked up to see his Tio sitting on the couch with a novela playing on the tv. “Como te fue?”

“Awesome.” Dean picked up his boots and walked over to kiss the top of his Tio’s head before heading to bed. Ignoring his fake protesting of the affection. “Me voy char un baño.”

They asked about Cassie in the morning, and Dean made up some casual date, a believable one, but told them they were probably better off friends anyways. It made it harder to think of excuses to sneak out at night but working for Victor at night made it easier for Bobby not to question him.

He wished he could tell them about his actual dates. Talk about Cas’s stupid two left feet and his beautiful smile. He wished he could talk about the way Cas looked, eyes squinting and head tilting como un pajarito when Dean spoke more than three words in Spanish. But he loved it so much, and just getting those good morning texts from him made his days so much better.

[Read more under tag <3]

It was Monday again when Dean walked by Cas’s house with the raspados.

“Mi Angelito,” Dean wanted to reach and kiss him, but eyes were still watching him. So instead, he reached down and handed Cas a grocery bag filled with Tupperware. “I brought you a real lunch so you can eat it instead of just some ice.”

Cas had admitted that he came home for his lunch break to see Dean. Giving him no time to have an actual proper lunch, and Dean won’t have any of that. Su hombre va a estar lleno y feliz con su comida.

Cas took the bag in shock before handing it back to Dean. “No, Dean, I can’t take this.”

“I woke up extra early to make it for you y no lo quieres?”

“¡Si te quiero!” Cas reached to touch Dean’s cheek, blue eyes watching Dean’s reaction as he quietly added, “Mucho.”

Dean swallowed hard before taking Cas’s hand and giving it a quick little kiss before letting it fall. “Cas, cariño, I was talking about the food. I said ‘no lo quieres’ not ‘no me quieres’. Do you hear the difference?”

“Oh.” Cas stepped back and looked at the plastic bag in his hand. “Then I um-thank you.”

Dean chuckled, stepping forward to wrap Cas in his arms for a quick squeeze. “Ay, pendejo.”

“Dean!” Dean could picture the roll of the eyes without even looking at Cas. He tried to hold in his laughter as he pulled away just a little, just enough, so their faces stayed inches away.

He raised an eyebrow at Cas as he asked, “What? Ya no me quieres?”

Dean could see Cas’s wheels turning in his mind as he mouths the words Dean just said to him. The blush on his cheeks growing as the realization hits him. “Me. You said-yes! I mean, si! I mean, yes or whatever!”

Dean was sure Cas had no idea what he was saying. It’s not like he said amo. No, Cas said quiero. It was the less intense version of ammo, but still,l it relatively meant the same thing, and Dean wasn’t sure if he was ready to repeat it.

“Quiero un beso.” Dean says instead, wanting to rest his forehead down on Cas’s but restrains himself. The hug was already pushing it out in public.

“Dean, my brother is home.” Cas looked at the house behind him before looking back at Dean, eyes sad, but Dean only smiled back at him. His hand reaches to pinch Cas’s cheek gently while he winks at him.

Te quiero. Es lo que quiere decir pero ahorita no es el momento. It’s too early for that. Ahorita, Dean está feliz nomás en tenerlo. No tiene que decir nada. No tiene que decirle a nadie que se está enamorando muy rápido de un güero con ojos más azules que el cielo. Más brillosos que una estrella. Más hondos que el mar.

No. Dean didn’t have to tell anyone que se está enamorado de los pies a la cabeza. It’s fine.

Dean lifts his hat enough to scratch his sweaty hair before he jumps back on his bike. “Pick you up later then?”

Cas nods as he holds the grocery bag tight in his right hand before lamely waving at Dean with his left.

Dean leaves with a loud ring of his bells.

A month of sneaking around goes by with Dean asking Victor to tell Bobby he was working for him during his date nights. It was obvious Victor knew, but Dean was way too scared to confirm it. Either way, Victor agreed to help him sneak around and didn’t push for details.

Though he always eyed Cas like a challenge whenever he came around, Cas never seemed to notice as he was caught up rereading the same menu he has been looking at for weeks.

It was a Thursday night that Cas called to ask, “So what are we?”

Dean was in the middle of mopping the bathroom stalls in the office building, with Bobby doing a different one on the same floor. Sam was somewhere throwing away the trash from the offices while a few other folks that worked for his Tio cleaned up whatever they had to do. The only sounds in the offices were vacuums and music coming from someone’s speaker.

“Cas, I’m kinda busy working right now.”

“You said I could call Thursday nights cause you get bored.” Fuck. He did say that. “Unless you don’t wanna answer.”

“It’s just…no es algo-”

“English, Dean. I can’t read your expressions over the phone.” Oh, so that’s how he catches on.

“Exactly! It’s not something to discuss over the phone. We can go out tomorrow and talk about it.”

Cas didn’t say anything but Dean could hear him moving some stuff around.

“Cas?” Dean pushed the mop bucket out of the bathroom as he finished. Trying not to think about how here Dean was, working late as a janitor while Cas was staying late at his fancy corporate job. Fuck, si piensa mucho en eso se va a volver loco. “Cariño? Andale Angelito, don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad.”

“Then talk to me.” Dean hears Cas make a loud and tired sigh. “Mira, que suspiro!” He teased.

“Dean, I don’t know-Ah! Fuck!” Dean hears Cas’s phone fall against something hard. Dean’s heart raced, not knowing what to do.

“Cas? Castiel!” Dean calls to his phone, already abandoning his bucket to start jogging to the door to drive wherever Cas was, even though he didn’t know where that was. “Contestame, cabron!”

Dean stops when he hears Cas awkwardly laugh through the phone. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I usually never stay this late. I’ve just been behind the last few weeks.”

Dean couldn’t hear what the other person said, but Cas sounded fine, so Dean took a breath of relief.

“Dean?”

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry. The janitor walked into my office, and it scared me. I didn’t realize how late it was.” Dean can already picture Cas running his hand through his hair. “Don’t think I didn’t hear you call me…cabron.”

Mierda. “Well, you scared me! I thought something-Don’t do that!”

“Dean,” Oh, good. Cas was smiling. “I didn’t think you cared so much.”

“Shut up.” Dean heard the echo of his own voice. “Oye, cariño, take me off speaker! I don’t wanna hear myself.”

“Sorry, but I need my hands to pack up my things. But please, continue talking about how much you care about me while I do so.”

Dean grumbled, “I’m hanging up.”

“But te quiero!”

“You can’t keep using that against me, Angelito. Es tu culpa.”

Cas was silent for a second before Dean heard, “Excuse me. If you’re done, you can just-Sir? Hey!”

“Cas?” And before Dean can panic again, he hears a familiar voice call his name from the other end.

“Dean?”

Dean’s heart sinks as the voice echoes in his mind. Dean’s head falls into his hand as he starts to shake just a little before answering. “Sam. Tell me where you are.”

#sorry to leave you like this but i had to post it now or I'll never finish this story #next part most likely this weekend and that will be that! #again sorry for my bad spanish pero google docs sucks man #and i can read spanish pero not write so well #okay excusas over #latinenatural #sobrenatural #destiel #deancas #fic #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #destiel au #wormstachwrites #my writing #yes i do realize it is a bad timing with the dash but what can we do #i lack patience #but once again if you have a word you wanna know you can google or leave in the comment and i will do my best to explain #though you are better off asking google but 'pies a cabeza' is head over heels btw #so niceeee

[maxineswritingcenter]

Maybe in Another Life - Dean x fem!reader part 2

In this universe, Chuck had won, Dean, Sam, and (Y/N) were the only ones left. They must find another reality to live so they can find a way to bring back their own. But after getting separated, (Y/N) must find her Dean while working with this universe’s hunters.

Also Season 15 spoilers

TW: Mentions of losing a child

----------

“(Y/N)?” Dean voice sounded as broken as he looked. (Y/N) looked anywhere but Dean’s eyes. She was so tempted to run and hug him that she had to tighten her clenched fists, so much that her nails were digging into the palm of her hands, to keep her grounded. This wasn’t her reality, this wasn’t her Dean and she wasn’t his (Y/N). 

Thankfully, Jody blocked the path between the two, “She’s from another universe. A universe that God destroyed.” 

“Like those versions of us that came through a portal a few days ago?” Sam asked after clearing his throat.

“It seems like God destroying so many realities at one time is creating some kind of rifts in the multiverse.” Alex said, earning looks from Kaia and Claire. 

“Multiverse? Like Spiderman?” Claire crossed her arms over her chest. 

“It was the only word I could think of, gimme a break.” Alex rolled her eyes. 

Finally, (Y/N) decided that she should speak. She put a hand on Jody’s shoulder, moving her only slightly so she could address the brothers, “Look. My world got destroyed. I lost...” Her eyes went to Dean, “Everything.” She looked back at the rest of the group, “I swore that I would run that son of a bitch ragged for what he did to my family and I’ll be damned if I let it happen to this world too. We’re gonna stop him, no matter what.” 

Sam stepped forward, “Tell us what we need to know.” 

-

After a change of clothes from Jody, Sam caught (Y/N) up on all the things that had happened in their world. They had already been through what she had back home so that was promising. 

“So Chuck and Amara merged and...” (Y/N) bit her lip forcing back tears she had shed before, “Jack’s gone?” 

“Well, yeah, but we got get him back from the Empty after we gave Billie God’s death book.” 

“Did she read the new ending?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And what’d she say?” 

Sam raised his eyebrows, “She uh, she said it was interesting.” 

“That’s probably not good.” She leaned back against the chair and closed her eyes. She opened them again to find Sam staring. 

“Sorry,” He blinked and looked away, “It’s just... You’re our friend that died. And... If you don’t mind me asking-” 

“You want me to tell you how the apocalypse happened?” He only nodded. She sighed, remembering when it all went wrong. 

“Well, we did what you tried. We let Jack go through the trials to become a bomb.” She looked down at the kitchen table they were sitting at, “I begged for another way. I had always wanted a family of my own but was too scared to. I got attached to Jack because he was a child that was invincible, or... He was supposed to be.”

After cornering God and Amara and trapping them in the bunker, Dean led Jack through the bunker to the room where they were being held. Sam, Castiel and (Y/N) followed behind, the parental panic dripping off of both of them. 

“Billie is playing us.” Sam explained, having come back from Death’s realm to get God’s death book. 

“So, what, her plan's not gonna work?” Dean asked. 

“No, it will work.”

“Then great.” He said quickly. 

“But listen, if Jack takes out God and Amara, it'll create a power vacuum that Billie will fill. This was all her power grab.” Sam explained. 

“Wait,” Cas said, “Death wants to become God?” 

“As long as Chuck dies, I'm good.” Dean continued to lead Jack. The boy hadn’t said a word, just clutching his stomach. 

“Okay, listen, just stop.” Sam pushed forward to block Dean’s path. 

“Get outta the way, Sam.” Dean shouted, “What are you doing?!”

“I'm trying to make you listen.” Sam pleaded. (Y/N) came around, holding Jack’s face up. His face was twisted in pain, being held up by Dean’s hands. 

“Jack...” She said softly. He met her eyes, his lip trembling from the pain. 

“We don't have time!” Dean barked, “Jack already lit the fuse! We gotta go!”

“You did what?” Castiel’s voice was filled dread as looked at the Nephilim. 

“Sam, I'm not gonna ask you again.” 

“Dean, please.” Sam begged. 

(Y/N) felt at Jack’s forehead and pulled her hand away quickly, he was literally burning up. Her heart filled with darkness, Jack saw the look in her eyes, tears building in his own. 

“I’m sorry...” He whimpered. 

“No, no...” (Y/N) sniffled and combed his hair out of his face. Everyone’s attention was then brought to Dean pulling a gun on Sam. 

“Move.” He said sternly. 

“Dean, don't.” Castiel glared. 

“Dean!” (Y/N) grabbed his wrist but he only shook her off. 

“Move, Sam. Move!”

“Dean, don't do this.” Sam held his hands up. 

“I don't want to do this, but this is everything!” Dean was getting glossy eyed.

“No, it's not!”

Dean cocked the gun, willing to kill his own brother to stop God, “Get outta my way.” Sam knocked the gun away, the two began to tussle, Dean punching Sam. Castiel and (Y/N) pulled Jack out the fight. Jack groaned in pain, (Y/N) stroked his hair softly, tears falling down her face. There was no other option now. Jack was going to die. After Sam fell to the floor, Dean grabbed Jack from her and continued to bring him to the storage room. 

“Let's go, let's go.”

“Dean. No, Dean.” Sam followed, grabbing Dean which caused Jack to fall to the ground. Castiel and (Y/N) knelt down, besides Jack. 

“Wait. Stop! You gotta listen.” Sam started but was cut off by Dean slamming his head back into Sam’s face, knocking his brother off. 

“You guys go, go!” Dean said to his friend and his fiancé. 

“I can’t.” (Y/N) finally let the tears fall, “I can’t do this.” Begrudgingly, Cas brought Jack towards the door. 

“No!” (Y/N) rushed forward as Cas opened the door to the storage room, shoved Jack inside and slammed the door behind him. She rushed passed the group, Dean grabbing at her jacket. As she ran forward, she heard the boom from inside and what followed was a cosmic blast that blew them all back to the other side of the hall. 

After a moment, and the ringing in her ears subsided, she opened her eyes. There was a figure in the hole of a doorway that led to what remained for the storage. Her heart leapt, begging that it was her Jack. 

“Jack...” She called softly, struggling to stand, “Sweetheart, is that you?” 

“Ya know.” Her heart sunk hearing God’s cocky voice, “That really pulls at my heart strings, (Y/N).” 

“No...” Dean’s voice was almost a whisper as they all stared at God who was still very much alive. 

“I mean... Are you kidding me?!” God barked, “After everything, that was the best you could do?!” 

“Where’s Amara?” Cas kept close to (Y/N) who started trembling in fear and agony. 

“Amara. Amara.” He motioned his hands over his chest, “She’s in here somewhere.” 

“What, you consumed your sister?” 

“We came to an understanding, so spare me your contempt, Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday. You know what every other version of you did after "gripping him tight and raising him from perdition?" They did what they were told. But not you. Not the "one off the line with a crack in his chassis." All of you. You know,” He stepped forward, “I tried and I tried and I tried,” Each word boomed through the bunker, “But you're all just too stupid, too stubborn. Too broken. You know what? I'm over it. I'm over you.”

“Yeah? Good.” Sam’s voice was strong but it still shook.

Dean motioned with the gun, “Screw you, Chuck.”

“No, screw you. You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. So, kill each other, don't kill each other... I don't care.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean... have fun watching the world end.” With that Chuck disappeared. 

(Y/N) walked towards the room, Dean calling out from behind to keep her from the room. 

“Don’t!” She growled through clenched teeth and tears. She walked through the hole in the door. It looked like a bomb had gone off for sure. She looked around, seeing that all that was left of the boy was a scrap of his jacket. She fell to her knees, taking the cloth and holding it close to her chest. 

“No... No...” Her words were broken by sobs, “No!”

“Cas tried to negotiate with the Empty to get Jack back but she just kept him there. Both of them.” She wiped away the tears that had fallen, “Then everyone disappeared and the darkness started to take away everything. Chuck called us to the cabin to talk. I lost... the Sam from my world and then Dean and I were the only ones left and then I was on the side of the road.” She finished her story. 

“Wow...” Sam said, “I can’t imagine...” 

“Well, you won’t have to.” She stood up from her chair, “I’m gonna save this world and take that son of a bitch out with me.” 

“In that case,” Sam stood, “You should come with us. It’d be nice to have you around again and for you to help us with this situation.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Sam.” She looked out to the window where Jody and Dean had been for the last half hour.

“Maybe not, but,” Sam licked his bottom lip, “We really need the help. You always know what to do, which was a real disadvantage these last couple years.” 

(Y/N) started tapping her foot, chewing on the inside of her cheek, “Alright.”

-

The ride back to the bunker was long and familiar, but the worst part was getting back to the bunker and seeing how different it was. She had snuck off to explore, she found the room she shared with Dean, seeing that it looked like it hadn’t changed. The only difference was the pictures that were stuck in the vanity mirror. There were the ones when they were kids with John, the one with Dean and Mary, but there were new ones: a picture of Mary and John with Sam and Dean, but it looked recent. Looks like John and Mary had been brought back but seemed long gone by now. The other picture was her and Dean, it was when they had gone on a picnic together, they were laying in the grass, smiling up at her polaroid camera. The next thing she saw was Dean’s ring on the counter, meaning that he took it off. (Y/N) supposed that it made sense that he wouldn’t wear it since that she wasn’t here anymore. But it still hurt that he took it off. 

She heard his familiar footsteps from Dean’s heavy boots. She caught his glance in the mirror. He saw her eyes and pulled at his collar. He pulled a chain from under his shirt where her wedding band hung, shining in the light. She instinctively felt at her ring, feeling the metal there. 

“I kept yours...” He said, “As a reminder to always try harder. Because if I had, you would still be alive.” Her hands gripped onto the vanity, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“What happened to me... In your world?” He asked, taking a hesitant step forward. 

“You... You don’t want to know.” She whispered. 

“But I do... I need to know what I could have done-” 

She turned around quickly, “There was nothing you could have done. Chuck was ripping apart our shelter and you were impaled by a piece of it.” Her voice cracked, “You died in my arms and I couldn’t do anything but threaten an absent God.” She inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath, “The worst part is that I don’t even know where his body is. I can’t give him a proper funeral because whatever spit me out here took me away from him.” She sat down on the edge of the familiar bed and chuckled to herself. The bed conformed her her body like a hug from a familiar stranger. 

“Memory foam.” She said fondly, “It remembers me.” 

Dean walked over and sat next to her on the bed, the feeling was normal but it felt wrong at the same time. It made her so conflicted. On one had, Dean was alive. But on the other, her Dean was dead and this Dean was just as sad as she was. She wanted to hold him tightly, to kiss him just as hard as he wanted to kiss her. But she couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair. Who knew how different this universe’s (Y/N) was compared to her. 

“I just have a question...” He said after a while. 

“Yeah?” 

“When Lucifer took Cas over... Did you leave to find a way to stop him? Did I...  Stop you from leaving?” 

She closed her eyes tightly, “Dean... My answer will hurt worse than my death.” 

“Please.” He reached out, lifting her chin up to face him, “I need to know.” 

“I didn’t go because I had a miscarriage.” Her words seemed to break what was already broken. Pieces into pieces. He looked like he did when it had happened. Complete despair and heart break. The same look he gave her when he watched her scream on the bathroom floor holding what was supposed to be the one good thing to come out of their nightmare of a life. 

“I got really attached to Jack after that, I loved Jack like my own and it killed me to watch you call him a monster...” She sniffled, “Because he’s my baby.” 

Dean’s voice caught in his throat as he tried to speak again, “I-I don’t think like that anymore. Jack’s our kid. Even if it took me a long time to realize it.” She only nodded, standing up from the bed. 

Dean stood up as well, his eyes full of desperation, “Where are you going?” 

“I need to take a walk.” She looked him up and down, “Alone.” She walked out before he could stop her and walked back through the bunker to where they came in. But before she could get to the exit, Castiel and Jack were standing in the kitchen talking with Sam. 

“(Y/N).” Castiel stared, confusion evident on his face. Jack looked at her as if she were a stranger, which hurt more than she would like to admit. Cas walked forward, but hesitated as he stopped a few feet in front of her. 

“I’m not your (Y/N).” She said sadly. 

“Yes, Sam explained it but... Seeing you now, it doesn’t matter if you’re not from this universe. You’re still my friend. And I missed you.” He pulled her into his arms like he was greeting an old friend, and he was. She had to remember that she wasn’t of their world but for now she would allow herself to become a part of it for her sanity’s sake. She wrapped her arms around her friend, fisting her hands into the trench coat that had literally been to Hell and back. 

Besides her, Jack appeared, a sad smile on his face. She turned her head that was resting on Castiel’s shoulder to face him. 

“Hello, sweet boy.” She reached out and held his cheek softly. It seemed like he wasn’t used to this kind of softness, a mother’s touch. His real mother had died as a result of his birth and in her world she had taken over that role.  

Jack leaned into her touch, savoring the moment. They all did. What she didn’t see was Dean looking at the group from the hallway, anger building in his chest. 

-

“So the Empty is pissed at Castiel and Billie now.” She rubbed her temples as Team Free Will explained how the bomb situation had ended differently. They were all gathered around the World Map Table. 

“Yup.” Sam sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

“You cut Billie with Death’s scythe?” She asked. 

“She was going to take Jack with her.” Dean said, “What was I supposed to do?” 

(Y/N) combed their hair out of her face, “Billie’s dying. And pissed. She’s gonna retaliate.” Just as she spoke, Sam’s phone rang. When he answered, they all heard a very frantic Charlie whose girlfriend disappeared into thin air. They decided to go out on the road to figure out what was going on. 

The car ride gave her time to think. In her world, Billie got taken out with the rest of the world so now that they had God and Death pissed off at them, saving this world seemed more impossible than ever. 

When they arrived at Charlie’s, Castiel, Jack, and (Y/N) stayed outside. Jack was leaning against the hood, facing away from the angel and the hunter. 

“They won't be long.” Cas broke the silence, “They just didn't want to overwhelm their friend.” She wasn’t sure who he was speaking too, but Jack answered. 

“I don't mind.”

“How're you feeling? You've been quiet.”

Jack paused before answering with his own question, “How long you been waiting to ask me that?”

Cas let out a quiet laugh, “I guess I didn't want to overwhelm you.” He came around the sit of the car to sit next to Jack on the hood. (Y/N) stood quietly on the other side. 

“I feel... strange. I don't know if that's because of what happened to me, if it means something, or if I just feel strange because... It's over. The plan. My destiny.” His words shook, “I was ready to die, and I wanted to. For Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right. And now... I don't know why I'm even here.” 

(Y/N) came around the side of the Impala and wrapped an arm around his shoulders like she used to. Even though he didn’t know her at all, he still accepted her touch. 

“Jack, you don’t need to apologize or need to be forgiven.” She said softly. 

Cas continued, “We don't care about you because you're useful or because you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.” 

The Nephilim began to cry, “God, The Empty, Billie... Everyone's so mad at us, and I don't have my powers. There's nothing I can do to protect us.” 

“Honey,” She hugged him close, “We all feel like that sometimes. Like we can’t or haven’t done enough. But we’re family, and family protect each other.”

Jack let out a shaky sigh, holding onto (Y/N)’s hand, “I'm scared.”

“I know. Me, too.” Castiel put a consoling hand on Jack’s shoulder. Soon after, the silence was broke by Dean and Sam hurriedly coming out of the building. 

“We need to go.” 

“What’s going on?” Cas stood up from the hood of the Impala. 

“Billie’s getting rid of everyone from the other universes.” Sam said, his eyes landing on (Y/N), “And that means you too.” 

----------

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My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

#my fic recs #destiel recs #my destiel recs #ok that's it for right now #should be plenty to keep y'all busy for a bit