#like I’ll start scrolling through Instagram and am like UGH this is so boring let’s see if see if anyone posted new art of Dean and Cas

[castiel-mybeloved]

I don’t even use my other social media anymore. No I don’t care what’s going on in the lives of people I know irl I care about what’s going on in the lives of my fictional friends

#this post is about Castiel #like I’ll start scrolling through Instagram and am like UGH this is so boring let’s see if see if anyone posted new art of Dean and Cas #something something about retreating from reality #something something about using tumblr and fictional worlds as a coping mechanism but we don’t need to talk about that #if you asked me a year ago how I would spend my free time after starting a full time job in a new city this would not have been my answer #but here I am #supernatural #spn #destiel #deancas #fan fiction

[youn9racha]

I Know (Part II)

Pairing: Changbinxfem!reader

Genre: smut

Warning: mild stalking, stripping, phone sex???, mutual masturbation, semi-exhibitionism, a tiny bit of corruption kink, and an even tinier praise kink, switch!changbin, switch!reader

Words: 2.8k

Extra Notes: like I’ve mentioned in the last part, everyone is above the age of 21 (think senior year of college age), so thats that. I’ve also noticed that the lyric is not that related to the story, but oh well :’) anyways, hope you enjoy this

And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…

PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST BEFORE THIS !!

—————————————————————————————————

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

—————————————————————————————————

Changbin’s calling me…

What in the world does he want to talk to me about in this ungodly hour? It wasn’t late, but it certainly wasn’t early enough for a call like this. I looked back at the window and I still see the curtains still closed, assuming he was out or maybe in another room. I answered and put the phone in my ear.

”Hello?”

“Hey, (y/n)! I just wanted to call to check up on you,” he said, “how are you?”

Damn, he only called for innocent intentions... Why is he so damn cute?! (y/n), you got two choices to respond back; you either respond give him a nice sweet response, or you give a sly yet friendly comeback. It can work—

“(y/n)?” The voice out of the phone took me out of my inner self’s debate.

“Yes! Yes! I am fine,” I said, embarrassed and mentally facepalming myself. This is not doing well, he already thinks I am a creep and a loser. Or maybe not, since its seems like I heard a faint chuckle and the word “cute,” followed by, but that could just be a figment of my imagination. “How are you?”

”Oh, I am good, just came back from hanging out with Chan and Han,“ changbin responded, there were shuffling in the background so he could be doing something while on the phone, but what is it? I wouldn’t know. I heard him and Chris mentioning a ‘Han’ in our conversation we had while preparing for my apartment, so that name is familiar, however the owner’s not. “You should meet him one day, I think you both will be good friends.”

”Woah there, you better take me to dinner first before I meet your friend,” I teased. Keep it going, (y/n), you’re on the right track, you’ve definitely caught him off guard, like you always do.

“Give me a place, time, and date, you’ll get that dinner, or maybe I’ll let Chris take you.” Changbin nonchalantly said, oozing confidence just by his voice. That bitch… Always makes it harder for me than it already is. As if he saw my blushing reaction, he began laughing.

“What’s wrong, princess? Cat’s got your tongue?” He said it in a low voice. Usually, I would gag if anyone—let alone a man—calls me princess, but with him, it felt different. It felt… arousing? No! No! (y/n), get a grip!

I rolled my eyes and laid on my back to be more comfortable, “What is it, Changbin?” I said, changing the subject, “What is that you wanted to call me at 10 p.m?” Yes, pretend like he didn’t just call you princess in the sexiest tone of voice you’ve ever heard. Totally would work.

”I told you, I just want to check up on you,“ he confessed but he also paused to say something further, “and also I am bored and I kinda felt like talking to you. I’m not wasting your time, aren’t I?” Although I couldn’t see him, he does however sound really sincere with his words. I don’t want to sound naive, but he sounded truthful.

“No,” I shook my head, “you really didn’t, besides I just got out the shower and was just scrolling through instagram.” I said, looking down in my nails.

”Oh, really?” He said, “were you going to sleep?”

”No, I stay on social media for a long period of time, I don’t sleep that easily“

”I see,” he said, but then he stopped talking. As the awkward silence has erupted between us, I started to think more about the first time I saw him and how I felt. While I thought it would be better for me to tell him later on and on person, but this balloon inside of me was getting bigger and bigger as guilt is inflating it. I sighed and started to speak, “Hey Changbin.”

”Yeah?”

“Can I confess you to something?”

”Tell me anything, doll, I’m all ears.”

Dammit! You’re not making it easier.

I bit my lips, “uhh,” I am glad he wasn’t looking at me, grimacing and slapping my head.

”You know hitting yourself isn’t gonna help,” as soon as Changbin uttered these words, my heart sank. My eyes widened as I got up and looked out window. His curtains were open, and it showcase a very, very pleasant show.

I see Changbin, sitting at the edge of his bed, facing me as his black shirt was fitting his form really well, especially with the semi-flexed arm that has his phone near his ears meanwhile the other arm was holding the elbow of the occupied arm. He was look at me straight at my eyes when we made eye contact, and fuck, was that an image to look at. As I looked like a deer going through a headlight, Changbin tilted his head in confusion, but he still had a smirk, “what is it you wanted to me?” he said through the phone.

”I-I“ I stuttered. At this point, I’ve lost all sense of dignity and my self thought, I am about to get called a creep by a good looking man I met not too long. Here goes nothing.

”I may have invaded your privacy,” I said, which caused Changbin to furrow his eyebrows in even more confusion, still having a slight smile to it. “What are you talking about?”

”Ugh, Changbin, I saw you half naked when apartment touring numerous times!” I yelled in frustration, as he kept pushing my button. I looked away, not bearing to look at him, as I closed my eyes out of guilt. “I understand if you don’t want to be friend, even though we met for only a week, but I just couldn’t bear the guilt that I—“

As I confessed, I heard a laugh coming put of the phone, I opened my eyes and looked at Changbin looking down, with shoulders shaking up and down. Now, I have the confused look that he had, “What’s funny?”

“Oh, princess, you have no idea,” He said, still looking down. Me still being bemused, he noticed my silence and looked up at my frowned face.

”I know…” He smirked, while my eyes were widened. Son of a bitch.

”W-wh-“

“I thought you knew that I’m doing all this on purpose, I’ve been trying to catch your attention every single way.” He leaned forward, placing both elbows in his knees, “I thought you were smart, only to be a gullible baby.” He whispered the last part, as I gulped at the last part. God damn, he’s so intense with his gaze. His eyes wandering all over me meanwhile maintaining a very dark yet exciting aura, which typically puts me off but now, I’ve never wanted to pounce a man so badly.

I smirked at him, the guilt I had had fizzled away, only to replace with arousal.

“So you’re not mad?” I looked at him, with innocent eyes, now laying on my side, facing him, as my robe slipped and exposed a part of my shoulder and the upper of my chest. He breathed in, as he was examining me, “no, why would I be mad at you?” He leaned back, as his head was thrown back, neck exposed, placing his free hand on the back of his neck.

God, is he so fine…

”I could never be mad at my precious baby.” He smiled a seductive smile at me, which made me riled up by rolling my eyes and looking up. “You like getting called that, don’t you?” He may have said it in a question form, but it didn’t feel like one, it was rather a statement than a question. “Hm,” I said, looking back at him, eyes half opened out of hunger for him.

We had an intense eye contact, where if it weren’t for the distant and the glass that is placed in front of us, we’d probably be all over each other.

”Has your hang out with Han and Chris worn you out?” I asked, decievingly innocent. Man, the power this man has over me is no joke. He scoffed, “so you’re just going to mention other men like that?”

Ignoring him, I got up, letting the towel that was loosely in my head fall onto my bed, and went closer to the window, “let me relieve you of your stress, if you don’t mind.” I shyly fidgeted on my robe belt. He looked at me up and down, licking his lips, “I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t as well.”

There’s nothing more sexier than mutual consent. (y/n), shut up, don’t ruin the moment.

I smiled and backed away from the window. I put my phone on speaker and put it on the side. I looked back at him, as I held onto my robe belt, he looked at me with a smile. I turned around with a slight sway on my hips, as I slowly undid my belt, slowly exposing my back at him, smiling as I heard a shuddering breath coming out of the phone.

As the robe completely fell off my body, being just in my underwear, exposing whatever secret flaws that has been hidden from the public. I silently gasp at the cool breeze as I held onto my chest, sensing my nipples getting hard. “Turn around for me, baby,” Changbin’s breathy voice echoed all over the room.

We may not be in the same room, and we maybe exposing ourselves to whoever is above and under us as well, but neither of us care. In our eyes, we only got each other, and we’re the only ones in existence.

I turned to him, letting go of my breasts and letting myself be bare, only to see him palming himself through his tight pants, groaning at his lack of full on skin-to-skin touch. It’s like he was waiting for me to tell him touch himself, which proved correct when he said, “please, let me touch myself.”

I smiled sympathetically, and also slightly astonishingly. I have never met a man with such switch like that. His dominating demeanor has faded and been replaced to a submissive cutie, which I obviously seem to admire very much. Pretending to thinking, I sat down, and looked at him, putting my hands behind me, “only if you give me a show too.”

I smirked at his state. He was disheveled, and adorned a beet tint all across his cheeks and nose. He looked beaten, but I loved it, and he does too. He put his phone on speaker too, quickly got up, and rapidly got his shirt.

“Ah ah!” I said, which caused him to freeze, looking at me, desparation was seeping through his eyes. Menacingly smiling, “slowly.”

Which he obeyed, surprisingly patient and sensual, I jokingly remarked that “he got dancer hips,” with the way he took off clothes while his hips moved in a way not many who can control their bodies can. He chuckle, “you should see how it works wonder,” his cocky attitude has made a comeback, which should piss me off but it made the whole thing hotter than it already is.

We’re both in our underwear, looking up at our eyes and looking down at each other’s half-nude bodies. Changbin wasn’t the tallest man I have ever met—not that it matters—, but he got many aspects that makes up for it, and its not just looks or personality. Just by the outline, I can tell that his little guy wasn’t little.

I propped myself with my elbows as I spread my legs, for him to see the wet spot that is stained in my underwear. He grunted at the sight, while I chuckle, “you like what you see?” I faux-innocently asked as I trailed my hand from my neck, making my head fall back, down to the valley of my chest, onto the waistband of my underwear.

“Fuck…” Changbin cursed, admiring the sight in front of him. He didn’t realize how lucky he was to see me in a state like this, not many have the privilege, especially not with men I met in a short amount of time.

I tugged my panties, took it off and exposed a part that he was dying to see, which caused him to gulp. He sighed with a smile, “god damn, (y/n),“ he shook his head in disbelie, “I’ve always thought you were gorgeous, but now I’m convinced you’re a goddess“

I giggle at his words, “and you, sir, are a demon disguised as a greek god” I teased back, tracing my two fingers around my lips, I noticed that he still was in his underwea. He still waited for my permission. How adorable.

”You can take off your underwear, Binnie” I didn’t even mean to give him the nickname, but I was too excited to even think straight. I looked at him, and saw him reveal his friend, and I gasped loudly, which made Changbin alert. “What? Whats wrong?”

”Nothing, its just,” I chuckle, “you have a nice dick.”

”Thank you,” He smirked as he sat down and looked at me, with full attention. I put my two fingers into my mouth, while maintaining eye contact. I then trailed my finger down to clit, which resulted in me letting out a blissful gasp. Meanwhile, Changbin was repositioning to a comfortable position as he began to touch himself, which caused him to let out a choked out groan.

”Binnie, as you touching yourself?” I half-whispered, but it was still loud enough for him hear along with my fingers movements that moved from my clit onto my slit, which made me moan.

”Ah-y-yes” Changbin groaned and nodded, as he was stroking his dick following the pace that I was going at.

After hearing Changbin’s groans, I began inserting my fingers at my slit, making me whimper in the process, “oh, fuck” I cursed, as I started to thrust my fingers in and out, noises coming out of my mouth along with the wetness of my pussy were getting louder, which excited Changbin, as his stroking was audible through the phone along with his beautiful groans.

“god, (y/n), if only I could touch you,” Changbin spoke through groans when he saw me fondling my breast and going faster. I was getting louder with my noises, in contrast of Changbin’s quite yet beautiful and audible noises. So much so, it sounds like Changbin was watching porn, rather than getting fucked at a distance.

“Ah-are-fuck-are you close?” Changbin asked through whines, his speech was getting difficult as he was getting closer to climax with his strokes going as fast as I was.

I nodded, out of struggle of speech, whining out, “Ah! Binnie!”

“Fuck, (y/n), I’m—“ Changbin grunted, as his strokes was started to get sloppy, he began to thrust onto his hands. I began to feel like something burning up in my stomach, moaning at the sensation, “Chang—I’m cummin— I’m cumming”

“Me too…” He choked on his words, as his groans and moans were also getting louder. Our phone voices combined was dirty but erotic, topped with the scene of two people masturbating to each other, now thats even a hotter view.

“Binnie!”

“Go ahead, baby... cum”

And just like that, I let out a squeal as I reached my peak, still playing with myself until I sensed an overstimulation. Not too long after, I was hearing a lot of grunt from the call and then I looked at Changbin, who ended up cumming onto his stomach, his chest raising up and down, letting himself catch his breath. Still out of breath, we both looked at each other, we both laughed at our fucked out state.

“Holy fuck, was that hot?” Changbin commented, taking the phone, putting it out of his speaker and back to his ear. I laughed at his sudden remark, nodding, “oh yeah, can’t wait to feel what you feel like,” I bit my lip.

”At least buy me dinner first,” He teased, referring to the remark I had at the time, which made me roll my eyes and him to chuckle. “You’re a dick,” I said.

”A big one, and a pretty one according to you,” He teased again. I started to jokingly groan at his words, causing him to laugh, “alright, alright, I’ll stop.”

I got up and picked the phone, looking at him, “I had fun, we should do this again,” him and I started exchanging a smile, this time it was more pure than the smiles we had earlier. He nodded, “for sure, but the next time is going to be in one of our beds, I really need to touch you.”

”The feeling is mutual.”

We began to talk a little more, until we both have felt that slumber was starting to sneak up onto our eyes. We both ultimately had to hang up, since we don’t want to raise our phone bills with our already long call. While facing away from the window, I couldn’t help but started admire Changbin in my head.

I typically hate men, but Changbin wasn’t just like any man.

He was Changbin, and I highly doubt that you’ll ever find a man like him.

#changbin fanfic #changbin scenarios #changbin smut #changbin imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfic #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #skz smut

[staeygoldenn]

3 Days

Summary: Ethan challenges Grayson to a bet. If Grayson doesn’t fuck anyone for a month, he can get the master bedroom in their new house. If he loses, Ethan gets it.

Note: This was inspired by their video and @milliondollardolan‘s blurb about a girl showing Grayson her nipple piercings. ✨

Tags: @milliondollardolan, @ryxgrantdolan, @bingexdolan, @evergreendolan, @blindedbythelightt, @dolan-bliss ,@vinylhazza, @angelgrayson, @333dolans, @baby-grayson, @joyrivh, @dolanstacoma @rhyrhy462, @graysavant, @mercurygrant , @tadadolan, @aquadolan @plantbasedgray @livelongdolan, @graysonswhore, @gloriousgrant @eiectricityscape, @dayofthegreatenigma , @yvonne2107, @cherryaestheticss, @khiaraaa-in-spacee, @prettyboydolan, @pineappledols, @livexdolan, @episkygrant @persistence-ofmemories @ethandolansrighteyebrow

“One month, no sex, and it’s all yours.” Ethan smirks and sticks out his hand. Grayson shakes his hand back, “Deal.” “I totally got this, I just got laid like last week, I can totally make it through a month,” he thought to himself.

Day 1… Grayson makes it through the day not thinking much about the challenge. His Insta feed made him get a little distracted but he decided to just close out of the app. Ethan came into the kitchen.

“Yeah that master bedroom is definitely mine.”

“Dude it’s only the first day.”

“That’s exactly my point, you’re already Insta thirsting.”

“Was not.” Grayson looks away and puts his phone down.

“I remember those days but now I’m a taken man.” Ethan walks away.

“Fuck, he’s on to me.” Grayson thought to himself.

Day 2… Day 2 came and went and Grayson started getting a little frustrated.

“How dare Ethan make this challenge during the month of Valentine’s Day? Ethan already had a girlfriend but it’s more difficult when you’re single,” he thought to himself.

Grayson sighed and opened the Instagram app. A girl in a black bikini caught his eye. Her long black hair, her beautiful blue eyes, her full lips, her tits… fuck he needed to close the app. “I’ll just go to sleep,” he thought to himself. Grayson laid his head on his pillow still feeling frustrated. Hmm there was nothing in the room contract that ruled out jacking off. He pulled out his phone and pulled up Pornhub. He scrolled through the trending page. He found a video that caught his eye. The girl looked similar to the one he had been eyeing on Instagram. She was getting fucked from behind while the guy had her thong scrunched up in his hand. The sound of her moaning started to get him hard. He started rubbing himself through his grey sweatpants.

“Fuck that feels so good,” she moaned, gripping the sheets.

The guy smacked her ass. Grayson took off his sweatpants and finally touched himself. He tugged at his length and cocked his head back. He stroked his cock up and down, squeezing for extra grip. The guy in the video fucked her harder and faster and soon Grayson was cumming on his hand. “Fuck,” he got up to wash himself off.

Day 3…. By Day 3, Grayson had started to crave sex. How a girl’s pussy would tighten around his dick as he was fucking into her. The sounds of her moaning his name, boosting his ego. The sight of her tits bouncing and her pussy getting wetter with each stroke. How he would grab a fistful of her hair and make her beg for it. He couldn’t let anyone on to this though, he really wanted that master bedroom.

“How you holding up, Gray?” Ethan asked him over breakfast.

“I’m fine.”

“There’s no way you’re lasting a month.”

“Yes I am, I’m gonna get that master bedroom, just like I’ve had at all of our places of residency.”

“We’ll see about that. Listen, I gotta go check on the construction progress so don’t get into anything while I’m gone or should I say anyone.” He laughed.

“You’re not getting that bedroom.”

“Bye, Gray.”

“Later, E.”

“Fuck, now he’s leaving me alone,” Grayson thought to himself. “I think I’ll just go take a nap.”

He laid down to sleep for a couple of hours and woke up to an Instagram DM. It was the girl whose pictures he had been looking at the night before.

hey 👀

“Hi 👀” he answered back.

I’m Lexi. I think we met at one of jake’s parties one time

Oh yeah hey how are you?

“That’s it. That’s all I’m gonna say that’s so boring.”

I’m good ☺️ I saw your recent pic you look good 👀

“Oh shit.”

You look good too 👀

do you have snap? 👀

Yeah

He sent her his snapcode and awaited her response. He got a friend request from lexi_96. She sent him a selfie and said hi.

Wow you look pretty

Thank you so whatcha doing?

Nothing just home alone bored

Same lowkey horny 👀

Same 😳

Hmmm

Hmmm what?

“Ugh this stupid bet.” He thought to himself.

Do you wanna meet up tonight? 👀

I would but I’m in this bet with my bro rn

What kinda bet?

I can’t fuck for a month so I can get the master bedroom

Lmao okay or you could get laid rn 😂 I just got my nipples pierced 🥴

It is tempting... 👀 send me a pic

I already did 😌

You know what I mean

Hey it’s your turn 👀

Okay fine

He took his shirt off and sent her a picture.

🥵

Thanks ☺️

I wish you were here 😫

Me too 😔

Fuck the bet and come fuck me? 👀

She sent him a picture of one of her pierced nipples.

Okay fuck it send me the addy

Grayson copied the address and put it into his maps.

otw

okay :)

Grayson changed into a fresh shirt and shorts and sprayed some cologne on. “Fuck, how am I gonna sneak out without Ethan seeing? Maybe he’s asleep,” he thought. He grabbed his bag and keys and closed his bedroom door. Passing through the living room, Ethan was on the couch FaceTiming his girlfriend. “Fuck,” Grayson thought to himself.

“Hey where are you going?” Ethan asked.

“Just out,” Grayson said, trying to leave.

“Okay,” Ethan said suspiciously. “It’s 11:30pm on a Wednesday night but okay.”

“Just gotta get some stuff…. okay yeah I’ll see you later.”

Ethan raised his eyebrow and shook his head. Grayson closed the door behind him and hopped in his Porsche. 30 minutes later, he arrived at the address.

here

He snapped her.

okay coming

He got out of the car and she met him at the front door.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

“Welcome. My room’s this way.”

He put his bag down and she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her.

“Thanks for coming. Sorry it’s sorta random.”

“It’s okay,” he smiled.

They started kissing and he put his hands under her hoodie, she wasn’t wearing a bra and he could feel the cool metal where her nipples were pierced.

“Just be careful, they’re still sensitive.”

“Figured,” he smirked.

He gently rubbed his thumbs along them, feeling them harden under his touch. She moaned gently. She took her sweatshirt off and he took his shirt off. She gently pulled at his silver chain and pulled him on top of her. He kissed her deeper. She wrapped her legs around him. He kissed her neck and started kissing down her chest. He lightly took the metal pierced through her nipple into his mouth and she moaned and gripped his hair. He kissed down her body and kissed along the waistband of her shorts. He kissed her thighs. She took her shorts off and revealed her black thong. He kissed her over her underwear, running his tongue along the fabric. She moaned. He went back to kiss her, and she removed her underwear. He went back to kiss her pussy lips, teasing her. He lightly kissed her clit and felt her buck her hips for more pressure.

“Please,” she whispered.

He looked up at her and licked her slit and licked her inner lips up to her clit. He traced long, slow licks back and forth. She started rocking her hips back and forth on his tongue. He grabbed her hand and held her thighs open. He started sucking her clit and with his other hand, stuck two fingers in and started stroking her G-spot. She was so wet and he felt his dick twitch. She started shaking and he could tell she was close. He moved his mouth off of her and removed his mouth.

“Fuck, please,” she whispered.

“Turn over,” he smirked.

She obliged and he rubbed her ass.

“Grayson, please, please let me cum.”

He smirked and ran his fingers through her folds. He started rubbing her clit and she moaned. He held her thighs open and tried to get her back to that same place. She gripped the sheets, “Please, please, please,” she pleaded and finally came on his fingers. She flipped over and he stuck his fingers in her mouth.

“Mmm,” she moaned. “You’re good at that.”

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“I think it’s your turn now,” she kissed him and moaned at the taste of herself also on his mouth. She kissed down his abs and reached into his pants to stroke him. He took his pants off and let her continue. She kissed his thighs and licked the tip, letting the saliva strand drip from her lips. She took him deeper into her mouth and took him all the way down her throat. He groaned and grabbed her hair at the base of her neck. She bobbed her head up and down. He cupped her chin.

“I don’t wanna come yet. Can I fuck you now?”

“Yes.”

She got up and straddled him. She lowered herself on his length and felt him groan in her ear. He wrapped his biceps around her and kissed her.

“Lay on your stomach,” he whispered in her ear.

She pulled herself off and laid down. He rubbed her clit and entered her. He started fucking her, the wet sound filling the room.

“Yeah this is definitely worth losing the room for,” he thought to himself.

She moaned as he kept stroking her G-spot. He laid his hands up under hers so she could grab onto him. She loved his weight on top of her and felt her pussy getting wetter. She loved feeling him deep inside her. Pleasure warming down her body. He slowed his strokes to try to steady himself.

“Please Grayson fuck me harder,” she moaned. She got up on her hands and knees and he started rubbing her clit and fucking her harder. He grabbed her hair with his other hand. He smacked her ass and she gripped the sheets.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” she moaned out. He felt her tighten around his dick.

“Can I nut in your mouth?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

He pulled out and she started stroking him and he came on her tongue. She kissed him.

“Fuck I gotta go before my brother gets suspicious.”

She laughed. “You still think that room is yours?”

“I mean there’s a slight chance but if I lose the bet, this was definitely worth losing it for. You were great,” he smiled.

“Text me again when you’re not in a bet and you’re a free man.”

“Will do.”

He kissed her one more time and headed out to his car. He raced home and arrived to Ethan, still up.

“Three fucking days Grayson?” Ethan laughed. “I was too generous giving you a month, I would’ve thought you might at least make it to two weeks.”

“Fine. I lost.”

“Yeah, go shower you dirty fuck.”

Grayson defeated, went up to go shower but hey at least he got laid.

#writings

[modernsocialmediaau]

who are you

February 28, 2015 2:30pm

" Lauren? " a woman's voice rang, it's like some type of dream. In Lauren's point of view, she's coming back into consciousness

" Lauren? " the voice adds again and Lauren finally opens her eyes which she immediately regrets seeing that she had a big ass flashlight pointed at her.

" There we go. " she chuckles and moves the flashlight out of her eyes, her oh so delicate eyes.

" Alright, so I assume you haven't been eaten all today? "she challenges

" You assume right, "

" Well, I recommend you eat and stay in here for quite a while. " she orders

" Will I get to perform tonight? "

" I advised you not to, but if you feel better then yes, and may I ask? " she pause and Lauren nods

" Is there something else on your mind because fainting should not be caused for only missing a couple of meals, at best you should've just been light headed. " she quizzes making Lauren nervous

" Aren't you a doctor? " Lauren tried to change the subject

" Yes, but I'm also a mother." she smiles

" I don't know. "

" I've got two teenagers living in my house, fasting usually comes from mood swings and mood swings often are due to love interest. " she hums

" Wha---whaa, " Lauren nervously chuckle

" So, mood swings and fasting check and check, who is the love interests?."

" Doc I really don-"

" Lauren humor me, okay. "

" No, I'm just-I have something in mind. " Lauren sighs knowing that she would not let go of the topic

" Which is? " she smiles

" I have a crush on my friend who iced me out of our friendship for awhile because of what some fans thought of us and she was pursuing this boy. But-well I think I might be even in love with her. Which makes me sick because all she ever did to me was break me but here I am telling you that I love her " Lauren covers herself with a pillow. Awaiting for her response but when Lauren removes the pillow she's simply waiting for Lauren.

" I know I'm not your mom but I've had my fair share of love affairs and if you don't let whatever you are feeling out willingly it'll find its way out.  " Lauren can't believer how easily she is able to confess this to a random person but not Ally and Dinah.

" Yea but out of the 7 billion people why her? "

" Alright what seems to be the problem? " she requests

" Well for one thing I'm not gay and neither is she. "

" So you're afraid of confronting her and your own sexuality. "

" Yes. "

" And the idea of keeping this big secret is making you anxious and paranoid. Which causes stress levels to go up. Now it all makes sense. "

" What do I do? "

" Tell her. " she simply said implying as if it were that easy

" Ugh. " Lauren quickly sits up and suddenly Lauren feels the familiar feeling of uneasiness and imbalance

" Sit down Lauren. " she grabbed my fore arm and guided me back onto the couch

" I can't. " I said

" You're also afraid of rejection, since you've gone through it before. But the thing is none of this will get easier. Not only will you're emotions take over, they will speak for themselves. "she smiles giving Lauren that mom smile

" Okay, so how do you advise I tell her? "

" Just be honest with her and don't drag it along. "

" What if we're not friends after? I can't exactly go another year of her ignoring me," Lauren anxiously rubs her wrist, and her anxiety comes back all over again

" You girls have gone through a lot, and besides it's not like she can quit. "

" Ok. Thank you Dr.-"

" Jacoby. " she smiles and begins packing her stuff

" Thank you. " Lauren replies

" Remember stay hydrated and eat. And if and I mean IF you feel better by the time of the show, go perform you're little heart out. But don't over do it," she asserts before leaving the room

Lauren wonders how much she's missed out on. She picks her phone up from the table and see's that it was already 3. That's when she realizes she's missed 3 hours worth of work.

Fuck.

Lauren decides to sit up but didn't feel good being up so high, so she lays back down. Lauren establishes to take a little catnap listening to music with a water bottle to her chest.

" Lo? " Camila whispers, but Lauren frankly didn't believe its her and decides to ignore her.

" Lauren? " she repeats herself and this time Lauren believes it is her

" Hey Camila. " Lauren croaks

" Do you feel better? "

" Yea, " Lauren weakly smiled

" Are you gonna perform tonight o-"

" Hell yeah I am. " she chuckles

" You are one bad bitch Lauren Michelle. " Dinah jokes making everyone laugh.

" Are you sure? " Camila interrupts the groups laughter and changes the vibe to a much serious one

" Sure about what? " Lauren questions taking the plate Normani is handing her

" Mhmmm, mac and cheese. " Lauren hums

" About performing tonight. " Camila repeats

" Yea she said I could, I just can't over do it. " Lauren laughs

" Girl you always over do it, " Dinah sasses snapping her fingers

" We all do, " Ally adds

As the girls eat and chat, Lauren see's a message from Will wondering if she can quickly go to the stage for a quick sound check. Lauren stands up, and excuses herself but Camila stops.

" Hey where are you going? " Camila worries

" I have to go to sound check. "Lauren laughs grabbing a water bottle, her phone, and throw outs her trash.

" Are you gonna be okay? " they announce in unison

" Uh yeah I think I'll manage. Meet you guys back here in 2 hours. "Lauren laughs rolling her eyes

" 2 hours it don't take that long. " Normani answers

" Yea but I also need to do make-up and buy a couple of things from Rite Aide. " Lauren responds

" Text me when your going to Rite Aide I need a couple of things too. " Normani winks and Lauren questions it but still nods her head.

Lauren leaves, the girls and scrolls through her phone as she is walking through the back. Will walks in front of Lauren stopping her in her tracks.

" Hey Will what's up? " Lauren is shock but also puts her phone down.

" The doctor said to be careful okay. " he reminds Lauren not wanting to have another panic attack

" I know,"

" Here Lauren, " the sound guy hands her, her ear piece and mic before carrying on with the sound check

" Thank you. " and we carried onto the sound check.

--

Lauren leaves the make up room and sends Mani a text letting her know she is ready for their trip to the convenience store.

As she waits for Normani she scrolls through her instagram or twitter to see if they made it public that she isn't feeling well. Thankfully it was a simple tweet from the Fifth Harmony twitter account, following up with another assurance.

@FifthHarmony One of the girls, had a bit of an accident backstage. We'll keep you guys posted

-Will

@FifthHarmony  And we're back everything is fine see you guys tonight

-Normani

" Hey sorry, " Normani runs into Lauren leaning up against the wall, while catching her breath

" Why are you running? "

" The girls and I got bored during dressing stuff so we played tag. " she simply answers as if it's a typical day in fifth harmony world

" Okay, well the Rite Aide is only around the corner so it won't take that-"

" Are you okay? " Mani interrupts

" Huh? I already told you guys. " Lauren chuckles and they start walking towards rite aid

" Lauren why did you faint? " she brings up

" Because I was hungry, "Lauren answers

" But that's- "

"I hadn't eaten since yesterday Normani it happens. "Lauren asserts not wanting to walk about this conversation anymore.

For the rest of the walk it was it was pure silence, until a fan would stop us for autographs and pictures . But other than that it was pure silence. It's not because I got sick of the topic of me, but it's just I'm tired of the constant pity being thrown at me. I am fine, I was hungry and stress.

" So I'm gonna tell Camila, " Lauren confesses making Normani trip on her feet and fall

•••

" What Mani? What did I do to her? I want to fix it. " Lauren cries

" Lauren I don't think you get it. " Normani sighs caressing Laurens head trying to calm and comfort her hurting friend.

" She's not talking to me what's not to get Mani? What? What did I do to her for her to just ignore me like this. " Lauren continues begging and pleading for answers.

" Wha- "

" You aren't doing anything wrong! " she interrupts pulling her

" But- "

" No! Listen to me? I don't know what's going on with her, but I sure as hell am positive you did nothing wrong. 3 months Lo I've watched the whole thing unfold and you have not done one thing wrong. " Normani explains bringing Lauren into another comforting hug but this time Lauren felt her tears on her shoulder. She began to cry with Lauren.

" Why? Why is she ignoring me. "

•••

" What? " Normani chokes while sitting on the floor

" Yeah, I think it's best. " instead of answering Lauren she stands up and picks her up

" Alright calm down. " Lauren smile

" When are you gonna do it? " Normani questions

" I don't know, probably when we get to Ft. Lauderdale. "

" Why there? "

" Well one I'll be near family so I won't feel alone. "

" You'll never be alone girl, " Normani sighs in relief giving Lauren a side hug

" Thanks Mani, and secondly I think it would be nice to see Luis plus I know he'll just have the right thing to say. "

" Exactly, and hey if you want me to be there I can be. "

" No I think I'd be best if I do this by myself. "Lauren smiles and continued to shop. It took 3 people for Lauren to finally decide to tell Camila, well a year of ignorance and 3 people. Lauren hopes that this all goes well, but it's still very much in faiths hands and its in the universe. Lauren has come to the conclusion where she doesn't need Camila to tell her she feels the same way or anything like that, she just needs the freedom.

#Camren #Camren fanfic #Camila cabello #camilacabello #Lauren Jauregui #laurenjauregui #please don't be offended Lauren #Normani kordei #normanikordei #dinah jane #dinahjane #allybrooke #ally brooke #fanfic #camren non au #nonau #non au

[artificialqueens]

Locked out of Heaven: Chapter One (Naomi x Valentina) ~ Goldingings

a/n: i was experimenting with pairings and originally wrote a oneshot, but why not write a fic as well? this fic will probably end up being a multi but it’ll mainly be Naomi x Valentina (Valomi?) anyways I hope y'all enjoy it!

story summary: in a world where you’re assigned a soulmate, Valentina begins to worry when she still hasn’t found hers at 23, but her life as she knew it got flipped when she moved to New York, discovering her soulmate was a certain supermodel in the making.

chapter summary: after an argument with one of her best friends, Valentina drags Shea off to New York instead in a search to find her soulmate, but is extremely surprised when an unfamiliar name becomes tattooed onto her wrist.

word count: ?

“trin come on! it’s not that crazy,” val begged her best friend as she was scrolling down her instagram feed. “you know how much this means to me,” she continued as trinity hadn’t even looked up, “You’ve said yourself you wanted to get out of here, and this is the perfect opportunity!” Trinity was trying her best to ignore Valentina, this has become a regular occurrence. “Ugh you don’t get it,” Val said getting up from her seat and walked to the other side of the room. Trinity finally put her phone down, to just to deal with her best friend. “What don’t I understand?” She asked as Val sighed. “I haven’t found my soulmate yet and I’m 23! Everyone else here seems to have found there’s and it’s not fair! You don’t know how badly I want this, I don’t want to die alone and I need to get out of those town, you’ve said yourself this place bores you-” Val rambled as Trinity interrupted. “I can’t just drop everything and leave though! I have my career, Manila, my other way friends here, you’re not the most important thing in my life, I want to leave, in my own time, with Manila, when it’s right.” Trinity raised her voice at Valentina, who was now just scowling. “Go Bug Shea about it, you know she’s more likely to say yes than I am,” trinity said picking her phone up again, and carried on scrolling through her social medias. “Fine!” Valentina huffed before picking up her bag and stomping to the door. “But if you don’t see me again, you know I’ll be in New York,” Valentina almost hissed as she slammed the door shut and pulled her phone out of her bag.

She stormed off to her car and got in it. At that moment she had never been more annoyed at Trinity, and she didn’t care how much she was acting like a brat, but truthfully she was becoming increasingly bored of LA, and she became increasingly worried of the possibility her soulmate wasn’t there. Being alone had been one of her biggest fears since she was a child, and she felt the longer she said, the more of a possibility her dreaded fears would come true.

As quickly as she could, she dialled Shea’s number and instantly put the phone on speaker as she began to start the engine. “Fucking pick up Shea,” Valentina whispered as the phone rang once, twice, then once again. At the 6th ring, Shea picked up and answered. “You ok girl-” Shea asked as Val cut her off. “I’m coming over to pick you up in an hour, regardless of your answer to what I’m about to ask,” Val huffed as Shea tried to form a sentence on the other side of the phone. “Wanna go to New York?” Val beamed as Shea audibly gasped. “Val we can’t just leave-” Shea remarked as Val groaned. “We can, and we’re going to, as one of my best friends you’re coming with me,” Val announced as Shea gave up trying to reason with her, she knew it was no use. “Well I guess I haven’t found my soulmate either,” Shea sighed as Val let out a quiet scream from her excitement. “I’ll see you in an hour,” Valentina exclaimed excitedly as she hung up on Shea.

Neither of them had anything to lose, which is why Valentina arguably preferred Shea at that moment. Shea usually thought things through but had always been a bit of a wild card, especially when it came to big decisions, so this would be no surprise to anyone. Shea was a few years older than Val, she was 25 and still hadn’t found her soulmate, which had worried her slightly but she had just accepted that she’d be alone. She had always loved traveling, so Valentina calling her deciding that they were moving to New York was arguably the thing she needed, but she would never admit that in front of her.

Valentina ran up from her car all the way to her apartment, she hadn’t planned this through, who was going to stay in her apartment when she was gone? when would she come back? if she even came back? Val didn’t know the answers to those questions and was too excited to even think about the logistical things with her plan. She grabbed the biggest suitcase she could find and started pilling up clothes and other belongings as quickly as she could, she didn’t think she’d ever been more excited for something in her life.

After a while she finished packing and zipped up her suitcase, she wasn’t taking a lot compared to what she would normally take, but she knew she wouldn’t fit anything else in her car, especially since she’s was joining her. She walked out of her bedroom door and into her living room one last time. She looked out of her window and out towards the skyline, it was possibly the last time she’d see that view. “Don’t worry Valentina, you’ll be ok,” she thought to herself as she picked up her keys and walked towards the door. She turned around and looked upon the apartment one last time, before leaving her home without looking back.

#rpdr fanfiction #naomi smalls #valentina #naomi x valentina #shea coulee #trinity taylor #lesbian au #goldingings #locked out of heaven #submission #as4 #rare pair

[ayehatethis]

Family ties

A/N: this is partially inspired by my love of Mully and partially of my own family. It’s not really fluff, but it’s not smut either.. just a short little blurb.

Growing up, my family was incredibly close. Any excuse to get together there would be a party. Whether it be a birthday, anniversary, holiday, or just a random Sunday afternoon. We were always together. I always had a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins running around and they were truly the village that the metaphor spoke of in ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. Each of my aunts was like a second mother, each uncle a second father and all of my cousins like siblings.

 My grandparents were the glue that held it together. Having a family of nearly 45 people definitely had its perks. But it also had its hardships. But my grandparents made sure that everyone felt loved and welcomed. Even if you weren’t actually related, you instantly became family when you walked through their door. They loved each of us equally but individually and it felt like a warm cocoon every time we were together.

Anytime anything happened where someone was sick, or injured, we were all there. 45 people crowding around a hospital bed passing a smuggled in bottle of liquor around the room or tossing sandwiches over the injured person became regular. We knew we were strong together and nothing could change that.

Until the last hospital stay. The last coma and the last sandwich tossed. We got older, we got angrier, and we got busier. No longer had time for one another unless it benefited us. As I grew older and my morals changed, their opinion of me changed as well. I was no longer one of the team, I was an outsider and unwelcome. Staring in at the party through the window uninvited.

What changed? My grandparents loving embrace was gone. Both passed and the pain of it all turned us against one another. Any chance they could get to tear one another down, they did. And when they kept treating me like a stranger on the street, I stopped pretending to care anymore.

I had moved on with my life. Got a job, met a boy, and fell in love. He became my family. He had an amazing group of friends and family around him constantly that reminded me of what I used to be a part of and I immediately felt welcome in his circle.

And I’ve been incredibly happy.

 My fiancé, Niall is quite a bit famous and we decided early on we didn’t want to acknowledge or publicize our relationship until we both knew we were serious. We didn’t need the press or anything getting into our relationship. And we’d gotten pretty good at staying off each other’s social media and the fans just thinking I was a friend of a friend that occasionally frequented the same parties. We never took pictures together or spoke to one another in public.

When he proposed a month ago, it begun our conversation on how and when to announce it to the world. Do we share a picture on Instagram of us together? Just the ring? Maybe call one of his friends he’s made in the business over the years? Maybe announce it on his James Corden appearance later this month, as a surprise to even the host.

Were currently sitting in a meeting room at his management company deciding the best way for this to happen. I hate this. I have how they control every aspect of his life even down to this, although I understand. They’ve gone over the pros and cons of everything a ridiculous amount of times before I actually fall asleep, my arm slipping out from under my head creating a thud on the table and startling me awake.

‘Pet, are you okay?’ he asks rubbing the side of my head where I hit the table.

‘Yeah sorry, this is boring. Why can’t we just do this our way without a bunch of other people’s opinions? Sorry guys, but none of you are in this relationship, we’ve heard your advice, I think you can leave us to decide.’

‘You heard the woman.’ He says to the crowd at the other end of the table before they all grab their useless paperwork and leave the room.

‘I don’t know how you do this all the time Ni, I just love you and want to finally be able to share that with the world. People are starting to think I made this boyfriend thing up.’ I laugh.

‘I know, me too. You just need to prepare yourself for people from your past to come out of the woodwork like you wouldn’t believe. People you haven’t talked to in ages will pretend you’ve been close for ever and they’re going to try to get something out of us. I just want you to be prepared.’ He warns me, grabbing my hands and holding them tightly in his.

‘Okay, so what do we do first?’ I question him.

‘First, we make sure ALL of your social media’s are private. Take off anything embarrassing, google your name and see if anything terrible comes up, and we get it removed. I just want you to be safe.’ He explains standing up and holding out his hand to me to take.

I stand up and follow him out the door and through the halls to the parking garage and into his car.

‘How long does that take?’ I ask after a few minutes.

‘Not long, I just need to make a call.’

He calls back one of his management team and explains our plan to scour the internet for information on me and clear anything incriminating. He tells the man on the phone we’ll change all passwords and privacy settings once we get home and he informs us he’ll call us in a few hours to proceed.

‘There. We’re in motion.’ He grabs my hand with his free hand and kisses my knuckles. ‘Are you ready for this, pet?’

‘I think so, but I’m still nervous.’

‘You’ll be fine. Oh and to let you know, anywhere you go from now on, I’m going to have someone with you just in case.’

We pull into the driveway of his Laurel Canyon home and I laugh, thinking this will soon be my home. Just a small town girl from the middle of nowhere living in a LA mansion with the man of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up here.

The next morning, a secretary calls Niall and informs him that all is well on their end and we can proceed as long as we’ve done our part. He hangs up and sits next to me on the couch. We start scrolling through his phone to find the perfect picture. We figure if we post just a photo of the ring, there’s going to be speculation and nonstop hassling of him until they know who I am, so a shot of the two of us for his Instagram is what we decide on.

I’ll post a photo of my ring to my couple of dozen friends on my now private account and he picks a photo of us taken from the night we got engaged. He had asked me in the backyard of his home over a home-cooked, candle-lit dinner. It was simple and perfectly Niall.

He had asked his roommate to take a few photos of the moments leading up to, during, and after because he knows I am ‘sentimental like that’.

He chooses a photo of him kneeling in front of me and captions it, ‘The Search is Over’. He looks at me with a grin and asks if I’m ready. I respond by clicking the ‘post’ button on his phone and grin back at him.

We decide to try to stay off of social media for a few days to let the news sink. I’ve not touched my phone since the day of the meeting and after what Niall had warned me about people coming out of the woodwork, I’m afraid to look. A week later I look at my phone to find nearly thousands of follow requests, friend requests and calls from people who were angry I kept this from them. He hadn’t even told them my name or any of my usernames so I’m not sure how they figured out it was me, but these girls could run the FBI, so it’s not surprising.

I delete most of them, other than the friends of Niall’s I’ve met and am now can publicly acknowledge. There are some from his family, and his bandmates and their families. I delete most, if not all of the fan requests and there’s 7 that remain that I stare at for apparently too long of a time because Niall comes and sits next to me, also staring at my phone.

‘Who are those people? You know them?’ he asks

‘You were right. Three are aunts, two cousins, someone I graduated high school with, and someone I was friends with in college.’ I say blankly.

‘You don’t have to accept. You can delete or ignore them, its okay. We’ve been together three years and I’ve never heard any of their names. How important are they?’ he asks and walks away.

He is 100 percent right. I delete them and set the phone down. I try to forget about it when my phone dings signaling a message request. I look at the name, recognizing it from one of the seven I’d deleted.

Hey, y/n haven’t spoken to you in a while, didn’t know you were rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. Maybe we can come visit you sometime? Don’t forget our invite to the wedding.

Love, Joan

‘UGH’ I scream and toss the phone to the couch, prompting Niall to run into the room.

He sees my phone which landed on the floor, picks it up, and reads the message.

‘We’re you going to reply to this?’ he asks

‘Only if I can tell her to fuck off’ I joke.

He laughs and runs out of the room, ‘hang on babe, I got you.’

He must be getting better responses than I am. I check his Instagram on my phone to find mostly positive responses. A few people calling me names, but what’s new.

He returns with his roommate Mully in tow, asking me, ‘You hated these people cause they treated you like shit right?’

I nod as I continue pacing the living room.

He grabs my phone turning on the video camera. He turns the camera to Mully and yells ‘HEY MULLY’ to which his friend responds, ‘FUCK OFF!’ and runs out of the room.

‘NIALL JAMES HORAN, I cannot actually send that!’

He collapses into a fit of laughter on the couch, ‘No, but it’s a nice thought.’

I sit down next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.

‘Besides,’ he continues, ‘if they start saying shit about you, you’ve got something prepared to send them.’ He laughs and ducks as I hit the back of his head with my hand.

‘NIALL, NO.’ I yell and he collapses into another fit of giggles.

#niall horan #my writing #mully #self edited #sorry

[vandnana]

Loving You Is Easy

Part Twenty-Two

I stayed over at Kai’s again, with the permission of Halmeoni of course. She completely encouraged it, but she still didn’t know about the things that happened with Chanyeol. If she did, she would have told me to just move in with Kai right then and there, and she probably would have disowned Chanyeol. 

She was already angry at him for choosing his friends over me, and if she knew about everything he had lied about, it would push her over the edge. The disownment may seem dramatic, but Halmeoni is capable of ruthlessness. She’s a Korean grandmother. Her power is unmatched. 

Back in Schenectady, Baek, Sehun, and Junmyeon all tried to make Chanyeol feel better, all through monetary expenses. They bought him new clothes, new shoes, his favorite food, even an entire cake, but nothing really worked. 

No words came out of his mouth, and because he drove all of his misery into hyper focus, he finished everything he needed to do. The rest of the night, he sat on the couch staring at the ceiling. 

His friends sat with him on the couch, but they were all extremely uneasy. Chanyeol’s outer agony was ruining their day too, and they didn’t know what to do or what was wrong.

 Baekhyun resorted to one final thing. He figured that if Chanyeol was depressed over a girl, he could just find him a new one. 

 He went to his Instagram to try and find someone in his followers list, but a new post caught his eye before he even got a chance to click on his profile. 

“NO FUCKING WAY.”

Baekhyun dramatically got up from the couch, strategically zooming on the post that distracted him. 

Sehun and Junmyeon shot him a confused look, but they stood up to gather around him. Chanyeol was still in his own little world. 

“Sehun, Myeon look at this shit. He never posts people ever, who the fuck is this? She’s fucking hot too.”

Sehun’s jaw completely dropped, and Junmyeon gasped a little too loudly. 

“That girl is so hot holy shit! Who would have thought little Kim Jongin could get a girl like that? He barely talked in middle school.” Sehun was slightly impressed, but there was also jealousy coating his tongue. 

Junmyeon suddenly had an epiphany, “You know what, it’s his artistic side. Girls go hard for that. Ugh, I guess I have to change my major again.”

Baekhyun smirked, “Yeah, I guess I’m gonna have to change my major too.”

“You think this is his girlfriend? What does the caption say?” Sehun interjected, scrolling down slightly to reveal the caption.

Junmyeon read it out loud.

Kai and June: 10.04

“Wow. Even his caption is all artsy.”

Chanyeol’s ears perked up, and he shot up from the couch. The three of them looked over at Chanyeol, their mouths hanging open at his sudden animation.

 He took the phone out of Baekhyun’s hands, which was even more startling. Sehun and Junmyeon were surprised too, and they froze their eyes on Chanyeol. 

He bore his eyes into the picture, and the settling pain in his heart shattered through his chest. He was overcome with so many conflicted feelings. The anger and shame he had for himself heightened as he looked at my smiling face, and his jealousy for Kai shot through the roof as he observed the way we were. But still, he was proud of me, proud of what i had accomplished, proud that I was able to have my art displayed. He was happy for me, and looking at me with my dress on made his heart melt. He thought I looked so pretty.

Chanyeol fell to the floor. 

“It should have been me.” 

All three of them gave each other wide-eyed glances before crouching down to comfort Chanyeol.

Junmyeon put a hand on his shoulder before asking his questions. 

“What are you talking about Chanyeol? You know her?” 

Chanyeol didn’t bother looking at any of them. He was still dazed by the picture.

“Her name’s June. I like her- no, you know what, I’m in love with her. But I fucked up by coming here, when I could have been there with her. Look at her all happy, with Kai. I don’t even know how I’m going to make it up to her, she doesn’t even want me to come back.” 

Sehun took the phone out of Chanyeol’s hands. He wasn’t much of a hugger, but he knew Chanyeol needed one. They all hugged him, hoping that it would absorb all of Chanyeol’s misery. 

They all equally started feeling shame and guilt too. They had brushed him off, even when he tried to tell them. They made it impossible for him to say no, and they knew he would give into them. 

“Sorry Chanyeol. We messed this up for you, big time.” 

“Yeah, I’m with Sehun. We really fucked up. We shouldn’t have forced you to come.”

Junmyeon felt a deeper shame than the other two. He felt like crying himself.

“I’m so so so sorry too. My dad only expected us to keep the place clean, and you’ve been the only one doing that. We’re sorry for being so careless. Because of us, the love of your life is mad at you.” 

Chanyeol looked up at his friends, touched by their apologies. But, he knew better than to let them take fault. 

“Thanks for apologizing, but this is all my fault. How am I going to make it up to her? She doesn’t even want me to come home.”

Baekhyun felt like the expert in this situation, his brain was working hard to bring us back together.

“She likes you back right?”

 Chanyeol nodded, his face still defeated. “Yeah, she told me herself. She said that I was the one she wanted to be with, but she said she can’t even look at me the same anymore. I bet she’s looking at Kai now the way she would look at me.”

Baekhyun clapped his hands in a sudden epiphany. “This is reverse psychology! She wants you to come back! Girls never lose feelings that easily Chanyeol. Don’t worry about Kai either. He may be there for her right now, but trust me, when you come back, she’ll be all yours.” 

Chanyeol couldn’t believe Baekhyun’s words, not after what he did.

“Baek, you weren’t there when she was crying. I let her down when she needed me, and with everything she’s gone through in her life, I can’t even imagine how much that hurt.”

Baek took both of Chanyeol’s shoulders tightly, his face determined.

“Listen, bro. If she didn’t like you back, it would definitely be game-over. But, she still likes you. You just have to prove to her that you’re actually worth it.”

Sehun butted in again, “Yeah, exactly. You can’t just stay here because she told you to. She secretly wants you to come and make up with her, but she was just way too mad to admit it.”

Junmyeon had his own ideas brewing about how Chanyeol could win my heart again.

“You should have your grandma help you bake something, and you can write “I’m Sorry” on it, then you can go to her house and give it to her.”

Baekhyun had another suggestion in mind too. 

“Yeah! That’s such a good idea. You can make her favorite pastry, and then you can even get her other gifts too. Does she like diamonds?”  

Chanyeol opened his mouth to interject, but Sehun had something to say too.

“No, diamonds are trying way too hard. You should get her something that she’s mentioned she needs, but hasn’t gotten. Then, she’ll be even more touched ‘cause you’re apologizing and you were thoughtful enough to remember something about her.”

Chanyeol waited a second to see if any of them would say something again, but they didn’t. They all had smiling, hopeful faces now, and they anticipated what Chanyeol was going to say.

“Okay, the pastry thing isn’t a bad idea, but June hates it when people buy her things. I’ll just make her the pastry, and explain everything to her.”

Junmyeon nodded his head approvingly at the plan. “You know her better than we do, so do what you think is right. But, what are you going to do if she just shuts the door in your face?”

Baekhyun and Sehun hadn’t thought of that possibility, but neither did Chanyeol. Well, he didn’t really need to worry about that.

“Guys, we live together. We can’t really avoid each other, even if we tried.”

The three of them threw themselves back in pure astonishment, and somehow all of their gasps were in sync.

“YOU LIVE WITH HER?” Baekhyun blurted out his tone was entirely proud. 

“Yeah I-”

“DO YOU GUY’S SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM?” Sehun was all the more intrigued and impressed that Chanyeol could leave such an important detail out.

“We sleep next to each other. Not sleep with each other. We...cuddle. ” Chanyeol was unsettlingly nonchalant about it.

His three friends were drowning in utter wonder and confusion.

Junmyeon, specifically, looked like he was going to faint, the mere shock almost taking him out.

“You live together, you sleep next to each other, and you still think she’d choose Kai over you? You. Are. An. Idiot.” Sehun punched Chanyeol’s shoulder. 

Baekhyun stood up and randomly started jumping on the couch cushions. 

Chanyeol got up too, rubbing the arm that Sehun punched. 

“What the hell are you doing? Stop jumping on the couch cushions! They’re expensive!” 

Baekhyun didn’t bother listening. “You managed to do everything in reverse when it comes to girls. You’re not even dating her and you already live together? You haven’t kissed yet, but you sleep next to each other? God, Chanyeol, what kind of life are you living?”

Chanyeol groaned, but inside he agreed with Baekhyun. 

“I just need to get back to her, I’ll take the train after your dad comes.” 

Junmyeon found his way back up, still seemingly dazed but alive enough to speak. 

“Can we come with you? It’s only right that we witness you guys making up. We were pretty much the reason this happened, and if she doesn’t take you back right away, we can be the ones to advocate for you.” 

Baekhyun hopped off the couch cushions, and Sehun got up from the floor to pat Chanyeol on the back.

Chanyeol smiled at his friends. He was beyond touched, and he started crying out of gratefulness. At the sight of his tears, they engulfed him in a hug again.

“I-I just really want to be with her.”

[btsinspirationtakesme]

Roses In Thorns

Summary

Being apart of the countries greatest mafia families had its problems; enemies grew from every thorn and you were one of the greatest roses to target. 

You didn’t expect the greatest thorn to prick you to be he who was assigned to protect you- Jeon Jungkook. 

Genre: Angst, (the good type), fluff, future smut in story line. 

BodyguardJungkook, Mafia

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

6k

Part 2

Part 1- YN POV

“Can you get down?” Taehyung asked, holding the ladder for you steady. You were worried you were going to fall flat on your ass, but it didn’t matter at this moment. You just wanted to get down out of sight and to Emily’s party. You didn’t drug your bodyguard for nothing. 

“Hold on, I’m jumping!” You braced yourself as you stuck your legs out from the ladder and jumped. Luckily, Taehyung caught you.

“Awh Tae, such a ladies man.” You winked cockily as you were set down. You brushed your dress off, happy everything was left in tact and snaked your arm around Taehyung’s. 

“Aren’t I amazing Taehyung, could you do that?” You asked, smirking. 

Taehyung was the boy next door who you grew up with. Your parents both worked in the same…business. Taehyung and you got each other, you had each others backs in times like these. All you really wanted to do was just go out and have some fun, but being apart of the countries greatest mafia families had its problems: enemies grew from every thorn, and you were one of the greatest roses to target. 

You were from a family that had been in this business since 1809 when the opium trade was rife. Your family had a series of alliances with the British, jotted somewhere in the history books as one of your ancestors amassed fortunes spanning Asia. Over time, enemies had grown in great numbers and they targeted those close to the current head of the entire family. Three years ago, your father was given the role of head and you were on the list of most targeted people in Korea, if not South East Asia. 

“I’ve been given more freedom than you Y/N and you know that.” Taehyung said, taking you to the car he had parked.

Snapping out of your heritage thoughts, you figured Taehyung was right. Some things never changed, including how conservative the people in your world could be to their daughters. Tae, while restricted had the freedom to go out and live his life like any normal 21 year old could; provided he had a gun tucked away under his pocket and security detail following him not far off. 

You on the other hand, were expected to be a rose in a steel glass cage. Sheltered, monitored, protected, guarded- you name every protectionate word and you were supposed to be the object of its affection. 

“These gender expectations irk me you know. Promise you’ll never do that to your daughter Taehyung.” You said, hoping your best friend would never be over bearing as your father and uncles.

“Never. It’s a free world ma cherie.” Taehyung smiled, a hand over your shoulders as he gave the instructions to his driver on where to go. 

“I hope Sir Y/N/F/N is okay with this. I really don’t want to get in trouble for taking you two out without permission.” Taehyung’s driver subtly warned. 

You hid your smile. 

“I won’t have anyone taking the blame for my mistakes, besides- appa needs to learn how to live a little.” You said, hoping the driver didn’t do anything rash like call your dad. 

You saw his eyebrows rise and then a sense of defeat going down as he proceeded to drive.

“What did you do to your body guard this time?” Taehyung asked, scrolling through his instagram as his other arm still rested on your shoulders. 

“I made him a cup of coffee, spiked it and then stuffed a sock in his mouth before getting ready.” You said casually, twirling his fingers that were hanging just off your shoulder. 

“Well it’s a step up from locking them in the food cupboard.” Taehyung admitted, reminding you of your weakest performance getting rid of a bodyguard. 

“I wish appa would just give up, y’know. I’m too smart for the doofs he hires.” You said, lying your head back on Taehyung’s arm. 

“You know, Y/N you really do have enemies. People would love to see nothing more than your dads little pride and joy deflowered and tortured before his very eyes.” Taehyung said, giving you a knowing glare.

“Then why’d you take me out if you’re on his side?” You said, shoving his arm away.

“I knew if i said no, you’d go out anyway and then no one who cares about you would know where you were.” He said in the most calmest voice, like it was the obvious thing to do. 

“No, no, no. That’s- you’re supposed to be on my side, Tae.” You said, annoyed Taehyung was taking you to Emily’s because he didn’t trust you. It seemed like no body trusted you around here. 

“I am on your side, but I’m not stupid. People really want to see you dead, Y/N.I get that your security details can get over bearing, but they’re really just looking out for you.” 

You rolled your eyes.

“Save it, Taehyung. You’ve got your own motives too. You’re probably just trying to get into my pants.” You said as the car halted in front of Emily’s house. You shook Taehyung’s arm off and got out the door the driver had opened for you. 

You smiled at him. ‘Thanks Ajusshi, I owe you.” 

You strutted inside, ignoring Taehyung’s calls to wait up for him. Taehyung, the boy you grew up with but also the boy that was your first kiss. Taehyung, who probably put on the I’ll-take-you-to-Emily’s- act because he knew there could be something in it for him.

Kim Taehyung, son of the other oldest mafia groups- like his father, known for his sweet talk but ulterior motives. 

You weren’t going to be anyones pawn. You weren’t a girl made of glass. 

“You made it, thank goodness I thought we’d have to sneak up and get you out!” You found Emily, the hostess of the party. She was one of your closest friends from boarding school and her mother was a hacker. You were both introduced when you were young whilst your parents went on their business trips. 

Her eccentric attitude was infectious. 

“I wouldn’t miss it, this is the fifth time I’ve managed to get out without being busted. I’m a pro at this now.” You said, as you took a flute of champagne from the waiter who had just passed you. 

“She won’t be a pro any longer if she keeps this up.” Taehyung said from behind, joining you and Emily now.

“T-Taehyung. I didn’t know you’d show up.” You knew that face, Emily had always had a crush on Taehyung. Recently it had gotten worse, and you hoped they’d hit it off soon. Taehyung was a hopeless puppy set on someone closer to his home though.

You sighed. You couldn’t deal with this much emotion. 

“I’m gonna get something else to drink, who else wants some?” You asked, ignoring Taehyung’s warning look. 

“Me!” Emily yelled as you already started turning on your heel. 

The music had risen a few beats up, bodies were swaying to the rhythm as you slithered in an out. You paused every few moments to get lost in the music yourself. Ah, you felt good. You felt free.  

A small part of you inside still had that delicious feeling: rebelliousness. 

“Enjoying yourself there princess?” A cool voice set the hairs on the back of your neck at edge as you filled the punch in your cup mid way through.  

You slowly turned towards the voice, which was closer to your body than you had thought. 

“I hope you wouldn’t mind pouring me a glass.” He smiled a breathtaking smile. Soft dark hair touched the tip of his eyebrows, with warm brown eyes and a gifted face. You were cross torn between saying if he looked angelic or sinful. It was somewhere in between. 

The suit he wore hinted more sin, but the smile on his face was angelic. 

“I need a name first for that kind of service.” You tilted your head, a smirk on your own face as you met his eyes that were boring into yours.

“J. Just call me J.” He said, closing in on you as he put his hands on both sides of the bunch table you were now back against. 

Daring, you thought.

You acted unfazed, turning your back which was now right against him and poured him a glass of punch. Slowly, you turned back against him to face him with an innocent smile on your face.

“Thanks. I’m parched.” He said, backing away as you felt his member come alive against you. 

Make your move Y/N, make your move you said as you pep talked yourself. You wanted him. 

You really wanted him. 

You watched the way he drunk the glass of refreshment in one go, veins straining out from his neck.

Who was this J, and why had you never seen him around before?

“Y/N! What’s taking you so long- oh. Hi.” Emily had come up from nowhere to you, and was stopped as her eyes rested on this ‘J’. 

“Emily! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Thanks for inviting me. I hope you don’t mind I brought along Jungkook, my plus one.” A girl you had seen around threaded her arm over Jungkook, who looked at your annoyed reaction and smirked. 

“Nice to meet you ladies.” He said, acting like the gentleman you knew he so wasn’t by his behaviour just a moment ago. 

“No problem, I hope you both have a good time.” Emily said. This J- or Jungkook’s girlfriend excused them both and Emily turned to look at you.

“We thought you were both about to fuck, what the hell happened? What an idiot!’ She hissed, referring to this new Jungkook.You were going to also agree with Emily, you had your sights fully set on him. He looked and fitted every imaginary box you had in the back of your mind. You were pissed. 

“Ugh, it’s nothing. Come on, let’s get drunk.” You said, taking her arm and pouring yourself shots of punch. You both drunk one, followed by another, and you were going to stop on your second shot but you spotted those familiar eyes burning a hole into the back of your neck. Jungkook. You didn’t even know him apart from his half angelic/sinful face and body but he was already annoying you. You proceeded with your third shot. 

Taehyung had eventually joined you both, who were now tipsy from the 13th shot of sweet poison you both had practically inhaled.

“KIM TAEEEEHYUNG YOU MONSTER, HOW ARE YOU SO CUTE!” You yelled, putting your arms over Taehyung as you sloppily danced with him, shooting Jungkook a death glare since his eyes still followed yours despite his hands being tucked under his girlfriend. 

“HEY, MINE YOU BITCH!” Emily said, laughing between hick ups. You pouted at her.

“I’M SORRY EM, HE’S ALL YOURS- YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE THE MOS-” Your voice was shut up by a familiar sound you had grown up with: gunshots. 

Emily screamed, whilst you and Tae looked at each other confused. 

“Y/N- run!” Taehyung yelled before getting his gun out to shoot someone in front of you. You were dazzled, the gun shots started firing fast and you were caught in the midst. You hated the helpless feeling. Your leg was pulled down by Emily, who was cowering under the bar with tears streaked on her face.

“Y/N…tell me it’s not true. Please, please, please, I can’t be friends with someone whose family murder-” 

“Emily!” You screamed, as a circle of blood expanded from her centre. She was shot. You looked up to see the perpetrator. 

Jungkook.

Tears welled in your eyes, angry tears in an instant as you held Emily in your arms. “Em-” Your arm was yanked up by Jungkook.

“Do you know who my father is? He’ll have you fed to dogs.” You threatened in your most dire voice. Jungkook smirked.

“Come on princess, we don’t have all day.” In an instant he flipped you over his shoulders tightly, locking your legs in the process. 

You bit him.

“Ouch, feisty.” He said in the midst of more gunshots. 

“Keep your head down or you’ll get shot, brat!” He yelled, as you tried your best to escape him. 

Who was he?

What was going on?

Emily was dead. Emily, the girl you had been friends with since you were 5, was dead in the space of a few seconds. 

Jungkook killed Emily.

You bit him again. 

“As much as I’m into kinky shit princess, nows not the time. Ahh, you sure don’t hold back do you?!” He said as you proceeded to vigorously bite his neck to get him to put you down. 

You hated feeling so helpless. 

“My father will destroy you if I don’t first- you piece of shi-” BANG!

________________________________________________________________

You opened your eyes to a familiar face: Dr. Jin. 

You felt your eyelids being expanded by his fingers as your vitals were checked.  

“All clear, seems like just a fall. You’ll be fine in no time.” Dr. Jin said calmly. Slowly regaining more consciousness, you tried to lift yourself up from bed. 

Bed. You were home by the looks of it. You had just been smacked out cold a few minutes ago though, it didn’t make sense.

“You’ve been asleep for two days now. I’m going to leave some medication for you to take if you feel like it, but you’ll mostly be fine. Any issues, give me a call.” Dr. Jin said sweetly, his handsome face lathered in empathy.  

Two Days?! You had somehow managed to be taken back to the safety of your home and out cold for two days. 

You were probably a nightmare to treat. You felt bad. Dr Jin was one of those rare people you actually liked and you usually had nigh terrors in your sleep, most certainly not a pretty sight. 

“Thank you. Does my father know about this?” You asked hesitantly.

“I, Y/N that’s not really my place. Please don’t try to get into any more trouble from now on though.” Dr. Jin tried to warn you. 

“You know where I am if you ever need to find me. Come see me about those night terrors you’re having when you feel ready.” His warm smile was something you didn’t deserve, but basked in anyway.

“Thanks, Jin. I really appreciate it.” You said, letting out a small bit of your appreciative side. 

“Anytime.” He said before leaving your room. 

Just when you thought you would be able to get a bit more sleep before the realities of what had happened two days before caught up with you, Jin’s exit paved the way for your parents and their team to come in. 

“Kim Taehyung and you are the most irresponsible mafia heirs I have ever seen in my entire life doing this! Explain yourself!” Mother joy, your mother was clearly distressed. You knew it by how her ever changing nails hadn’t changed from when you last saw her. They were still hot blue. 

“Mother, my head hurts.” You said, trying to escape yourself from her doting wrath.

“We had Dr. Jin give us an all clear before coming in. Explain yourself, Y/N. Surely you know how you’re one of the most wanted targets in this family!” Your mother had another outburst, and small part of your felt bad. You quickly pushed it back down.

“I need to live my life normally. What I want is answers though. One of my best friends is dead, why?” You asked, now looking at your father. He was in a navy pinestripe suit with a solemn expression. 

“The entire hacker family was supposed to die that night. I had put extra provisions in to make sure you didn’t end up there, but you just couldn’t listen could you?” 

The reality of the situation just sunk in.

“You were going, no- wait, you were planning on killing Emily?” Your eyes doubled up into the size of saucers in surprise. 

“Whilst I don’t like involving you and your mother in the business, simply yes. The hackers were swayed away from being loyal to us, the risk they posed was too great to not avoid. You know how we go on sweetheart.” Just like that, your father had explained killing like it was the most natural thing ever. It was what you had grown up with. 

For the first time, you got a taste of how your family was successful all these generations. 

You were ruthless. 

Ruthless killers. 

That didn’t explain who Jungkook- who had killed Emily was. Was he working for your father?

“Y/N, I’d like you to meet your new bodyguard.” Your fathers voice took you out of your thoughts that were just starting to unravel. 

The men separated into two files to reveal the sinfully angelic face that you had met two nights ago. 

Jungkook. 

“I think you owe your life to Jungkook, Y/N.” Your mother said, forcing you to tear your eyes away from him. They were filled on the brink of tears. He killed Emily.

“He killed Emily.” You said in a solemn voice.

“Emily was planning on killing you, don’t you get it? Y/N. Welcome to the family business. People will use you to get close to you before they do something. Loyalties change. Learn the rules of this family, it’s about time.” Your father tried to reason. Your eyes flitted back between him and your mother, who had her head down meaning she agreed.

Betrayal. Emily was planning to betray you. 

It was all too heavy for your mind and heart, but you’d hide it. 

“I still don’t want him as my bodyguard.” You said, casting him a glance. He shot you a cocky smirk. 

“Jungkook’s one of the finest, I had to go through a lot of hoops just to get him. You will not be attempting anymore midnight excursions with the Taehyung boy, or with anyone else. You’re under house arrest. Jungkook will be with you every moment of everyday. If you by so help me God, attempt to pull one on him- not that you’ll be able to, you’ll be sent off to Seychelles.” 

Seychelles, where your grandmother lived in hiding. 

“Am I 12, to you? You can’t do this.” You fought back. 

“As long as you’re under my protection, I will be. This is for your safety, Y/N.” Your father said sternly. 

You listened to his stern words, but didn’t accept anything he had said. You were still going to live your life, you had managed to get through 3 body guards in the past month alone by confusing them, making them quit or locking them in cupboards with spiked drinks. Jungkook wouldn’t know what hit him.

“Don’t think of pulling anything.” He warned again. 

You smiled sweetly. “Of course not, appa. I’ve learnt my lesson.” You lied, but your father believed you since you were his only daughter and pride. 

You saw Jungkook lowly chuckle out of the corner of your eyes. 

“Good. Your mother and I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. Make sure to see us before you go.” Your mother and father kissed you gently on the forehead before leaving with their entourage. 

“Don’t let her be too much of a bother.” Your father patted Jungkook’s shoulder as he left.

“I enjoy challenges sir, it won’t be too much of a hassle I’m sure.” Jungkook beamed a breathaking smile at your father back. You could tell your father loved him already, he barely ever smiled at his men. 

The room was empty, apart from you and Jungkook your new body guard.

You stared at him, dressed in a black fitting sweater and caramel trousers. Who the hell glows dressed like that? Jungkook did clearly.

“Hi Princess.” He smiled that same cocky smile you had seen those nights ago. 

“Stay out of my room, Jungkook. All the other bodyguards had the decency to do that.” You scowled.

“I’m not like the others, princess. Room’s airy, no?” He then sauntered over to your window to shut it. 

“I’ll be keeping this from now on too.” He- he’d managed to find your secret pick lock for the windows under your desk too. 

That was your only means of escape.

“Are you serious?!” You yelled.

Jungkook simply smiled at you back. “I know every fucking trick there is to know in the book, princess. Try and get past me. I dare you.” He challenged. 

“You won’t last long.” You said back. 

“I do love challenges. Especially from princesses like yourself. You can’t run to daddy now, not when he knows your always trying to get out.” Jungkook zoned in on you, closer to your bed. Your heart rate accelerated, but you pushed it back down.

“Go to hell.” Those were your last words before you decided to fling the covers off yourself and walk to your bathroom. 

You heard Jungkook’s footsteps.

“Are you going to watch me pee too?” You challenged, ready to throw a punch.

“Call me if you’re showering, then we’ll talk.” He winked, before backing away.

Cocky bastard, you thought. 

Beautiful cocky bastard. 

Luckily you had clothes to change into in your bathroom to save yourself from embarrassment.  Dressed in a white tee and jeans, you came out with wet hair to see Jungkook reading a book from your shelf.

“You know, I never took you for the sappy romance kind of girl. Really?” He showed you the cover of Wuthering Heights, where you had left your bookmark in.

“So much angst, that can’t be healthy you know.” 

“I never took you for the read a book kind of guy.” You shot back as you grabbed a fresh towel from your drawer and started to towel dry your hair.

“I majored in Math, but I had a minor in English in college. Don’t let the looks fool you, princess.” 

“Maybe you can help me with my math homework.” You said absentmindedly. 

“I could help you with a lot of things.” He zoned in on you from behind, which made you stop drying your hair midway. 

It reminded you all too clearly of that night meeting him, where you were set on fu-

Your phone rang. 

It gave you an excuse to leave his trap, so you dashed over to your bedside table.

Taehyung. 

“Taehyung, are you okay?!” You yelled down the phone.

“I’m fine, I got out there pretty safe actually. My father had some of our men there, I had no clue. “ You didn’t believe that for one second, Taehyung always knew. 

A small part of your heart warmed at the thought though, even without Jungkook- you wouldn’t be dead. Taehyung would have your back. 

You realised you should really apologise for lashing out on him like you did in the car on the way to the party.

“My place, we’ll have brunch on the porch and talk this over.” Taehyung proposed.

“I can’t.” You said looking back over to where Jungkook was standing a couple of feet away from you. He now had a solemn expression, analysing your movements over the phone. 

“I have a new bodyguard. I don’t think I can stuff him in a cupboard just yet.” You said, a little louder so Jungkook could hear what you were capable of.

“I’ll come over to you then.” 

“Great, I’ll make us some brunch.” You said, before saying your goodbyes and putting the phone down.

“Does daddy know you have a boyfriend?” Jungkook asked, following you out of your room as you descended down the spiralled stairs to the kitchen.

You ignored him all the way there. 

“Let’s keep our personal lives secret.” You winked back at him, and Jungkook rolled his eyes. 

“Ma’am. Would you like me to make you anything?” Sylvia, your elderly cook was in the kitchen. 

“No thank you. Taehyung’s coming over, so I’d like to make us something. You’re excused for now.” You said sweetly.

Sylvia excused herself and you got to work taking out all the ingredients you’d need from the fridge. You ignored Jungkook, who was now sat on one of the kitchen stools following your every move. 

“Does appa think I’ll burn the kitchen too, now?” You asked haughtily, as you saw Jungkook glare at you from the corner of your eyes as you whipped up the pancake mix you were making.

Jungkook cast his eyes away from you momentarily. 

There was a silence between you both as you worked, which you welcomed. You could still feel his eyes watching your every move, but you didn’t care. You loved cooking, and the kitchen downstairs was where you were most comfortable. You didn’t have too much control over your life, but you did have control here. 

It was your space.

You had managed to whip up some stacks of pancake, a bowl of fruit salad and freshly squeezed orange juice in no time at all. It felt rude to not offer Jungkook any, and you figured he’d be hungry too. The look in his eyes gave it away. 

“Here. Eat.” You said to Jungkook as you made him a plate. 

“Wow, she has manners.” He said as he took the plate from you.

You didn’t know why, but you were particularly looking forward to his expression once he tasted what you had made. He had on a poker face, but it slipped momentarily when he had his first bite. 

It was…cute. 

“What are you smiling for?” He asked as he looked up at you, face full of pancake like a bunny.

“Nothing.” You said, breaking away from his gaze.

“I brought us some- Y/N get down!” Taehyung’s voice filled the hollow kitchen, and you were grabbed by Jungkook in a split second as he pushed you behind him. 

Taehyung had his gun pointed to Jungkook, and Jungkook had his gun pointed to Taehyung.

Thee testosterone in the room was overwhelming. 

“Tae, it’s okay! Emily’s family were trying to kill me, he saved me.” You said from behind Jungkook’s protection. 

“Why is he here then?” Taehyung wasn’t dropping his gun.

“Appa thinks he’ll make a great new bodyguard.” You said sarcastically. 

“Drop the gun, kid.” Jungkook warned in his most deadliest voice.

Taehyung chuckled lowly before putting his gun back inside.

Jungkook did so too, and you broke free from his grasp.

“Tae.” You said looking at him as you made your way over to him, walking into his open arms. 

“I was going to get you out, you know that right?” He said into your ear.

Jungkook heard and scoffed at your moment with Taehyung. 

“I know you were, thank you. Let’s eat.” You said as you pulled Taehyung by the hand over to the kitchen island to sit where you passed him a plate of pancakes.

“Mmmmm…these are good, right bodyguard?” Taehyung said after his first bite, gesturing to Jungkook who was still on his plate.

He looked like a bunny caught in red lights, a stark difference from the usual stern and cocky attitude. 

Jungkook mumbled what sounded like an agreement before going back to eating.  

“Why’d you think Emily’s family changed loyalties?” You asked Taehyung, breaking him out of his brief interaction with Jungkook. 

“Well, you know what’s common in our world. Money, sex, power. It was one of those three.” Taehyung stated, listing the reasons on his fingers.

“My bets power. The hackers always wanted a bit more respect from your household and it was obvious for them to get to you to spite your father.” Taehyung reasoned.

“You seem to know a lot about their motives.” Jungkook intervened, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at Taehyung as he sat back. 

You watched Taehyung’s reaction carefully. “It’s one of the most plausible. Power sells better than only sex in our world. Look at Y/N here, she’ll probably be wed off to the son of some powerful heir to cement alliances. It’s how we work. Have been for centuries.” Taehyung said not breaking Jungkook’s gaze. 

It was uncharacteristic of him. Taehyung was everything you would never expect to be in the mafia world. He was sweet, fun and lighthearted.

It was like Taehyung’s father was talking.

“Tae, you don’t need to be so direct.” You chuckled. 

“It’s true Y/N, you’re going to have to accept it someday or another soon.” Taehyung momentarily flicked his eyes back to you.

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you pushed them back down like you pushed any sort of feeling you had. 

Always pushing things back down.

“I want to get drunk.” You said, you didn’t care if it was only midday. You wanted to numb the thought of your future wed off to some mafia heir, probably miles older than you, the older the more powerful usually. 

“I have to meet my father later to discuss some things. I can’t see you all the time Y/N, it’s what I came here to say. I’m going to be accompanying him on a few trips.” Taehyung said, ignoring your proposal to do something. 

“But-Tae-” You tried to get him to listen to you.

“It’s time we start to take on our roles Y/N. Last night was just an example of the life we’ll have to face. You’ll always have enemies, I’ll always have enemies and I’m going to be making a lot more as my father passes down his mantle to me.” This was uncharacteristic of the sweet Taehyung you knew. 

It was like he was trying to put on an act for himself. 

“Take care of her.” Taehyung said, after kissing you on the forehead looking to Jungkook.

Jungkook scoffed. Both of their eyes met they narrowed their eyes at each other. 

“With my life. I’m her protector after all.” 

“You know to call me if you need anything Y/N.” Taehyung said, unable to tear his eyes away from staring down Jungkook.

You scoffed. I want my friend back, you thought. 

Jungkook broke his gaze out of respect, realising he was staring down a mafia heir which in your world- his position did not allow. Taehyung tore his gaze away and walked out, slamming the door behind him. 

A few tears escaped your eyes. 

Jungkook was staring at you, a sigh escaped his lips. He took the plates on the kitchen island and took them over to the sink, turning the tap on.

“Where do you keep your washing up stuff?” 

You wiped the tears from your eyes.

“Left drawer.” You replied, surprised by how croaky your voice had been after a few tears.

You decided to help him, as you both worked in silent union as Jungkook washed and you dried the plates. 

The weirdest thing was it was oddly comforting, normal. 

You never had normal. 

Not when you grew up with seeing men in suits with bloodstains on them casually coming into the kitchen for a bite to eat, guns laying around in odd bits of the house and deadly eyes following your every move. Your father tried to avoid business and the home, but they were far too connected for him to realise. 

“What are you smiling at?” Jungkook asked, a small smile on his lips. 

“Nothing.” You said. 

“Thank you.” You mumbled.

Jungkook washed his hands and turned the tap off. He turned on his back and leaned against the sink. 

“I, I couldn’t hear that. Did you just say thank you?” Jungkook mocked. 

You rolled your eyes, a laugh escaping your lips. 

“Okay, okay. Thank you.” You said clearly. 

Jungkook winked, and you hoped the blush that followed your cheeks wasn’t visible. 

“What are you going to do with the rest of your day?” Jungkook asked, turning to tilt his head to you. 

“Wanna get drunk with me?” You asked, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to ask. You could even drug him up in the process and sneak out. 

“Nice try, princess.” He scoffed. 

You sighed. You were alone with an insanely hot guy who- in all other circumstances, if he wasn’t your bodyguard, would be upstairs in your room right now. You started biting your lip at the thought. 

“You’re thinking about it, right? I know you are.” Jungkook leaned forwards towards you.

“I’m thinking about what I’d do to you if we weren’t so rudely interrupted those nights ago.” Jungkook said in your ear, his voice was cool like those nights ago. He closed in on you, trapping you with his arms resting on both sides of the counter. 

“Too bad you’ll never find out princess.” He said as his lips ghosted over yours. 

With that, all traces of contact were ripped away as Jungkook moved away.

“You enjoy teasing me, don’t you?” You said, more of a statement than a question.

“That blush is riveting.” 

You rolled your eyes, trying to mask how upset you were from Jungkook’s reluctance to make a move. 

Eventually you announced that you were going to go down to the library to read, and Jungkook followed suit. It was hard to concentrate knowing he was there, in all his scowling, cocky glory. You were surprised your father had even allowed him to be near you like this, he clearly thought you had no interest in men. That, or Jungkook had charmed him.

He was charming.

“Who are you?” You asked, realising you knew nothing about your new bodyguard. 

You usually never knew anything about your body guard, but Jungkook was different. 

You nearly fucked him at a party. 

He glanced up at you from the book he was reading sat across you on a leather chair. 

“Did you get memory loss too from your fall?” He asked. 

“No, don’t avoid my question. Who are you, where are you from, why did my father hire you?” You asked. 

Jungkook sighed. 

“I’m Jeon Jungkook, my uncle knows your father and recommended me. I’m working my way up the ranks and he hired me because I’m fucking badass.” He said, but you didn’t buy it. In the short time you knew him you figured Jungkook wasn’t the type to work his way up the ranks- he had to be at the top. 

You’d figure the truth out, but you let it slide for now.

You were about to dig in for some more answers to other things, but Jungkook’s phone rang a couple of times. 

“Answer it.” You said. 

“It’s family. Stay put here, okay?” Jungkook sent a warning glance your way. 

You rolled your eyes and nodded. 

Jungkook POV:

“This isn’t a good time.” Jungkook said, looking to make sure the coast was clear as he picked up to answer. 

“Haven’t you killed her yet?” The voice on the phone asked. 

“You think I can just snap her neck on the first day of the job?” Jungkook hissed. 

“Do it soon. The sooner the better, her father will be putty in our hands when his little girl is dripping in blo–” Jungkook cut him off.

“Give me more time. I need her to open up to me.” He said. 

“Just do your job Jungkook.” The voice hung up. 

Jungkook nearly threw his phone across the room outside the library, but clutched it like a stress ball instead. 

He was already supposed to have snapped the girls neck in two by now. He had no reason not to, they were in the perfect situation. A secluded house, a naive girl and the friend who had decided to leave her. 

He was going to do it in the kitchen, he planned to get it over and done with after her friend left.

Then she cried. 

He couldn’t fucking kill her when she was crying, could he? He wasn’t that heartless, was he? 

He was Jeon Jungkook, heartless was supposed to be his middle name. 

He had a knife in his backpocket, ready and ripe to go. He was so ready to just stick the weapon in her neck but she just had to look at him with doe eyes. 

Why did she have to smile at him like that? She wasn’t anything special. When he first took on the case, he figured it would be easy as cake. Difficult to kill the daughter of one of the most feared men alive, but he had no sympathy for the girl before she struck a cord with him. She was supposed to be a spoilt mafia princess that wanted nothing more than to do her hair and play on Daddy’s yacht. 

She wasn’t supposed to be the girl that effortlessly danced around the kitchen, a victim of the mafia world thrust on expectations to marry old men and make babies, a girl with a lot of will power and might. She wasn’t supposed to be any of those things. She wasn’t supposed to be feisty.

She wasn’t supposed to be interesting. 

Jungkook needed to get his head in the right place, he’d seen a billion pretty faces in his time and snapped the necks of them in an instant. 

Why couldn’t he just snap hers?

He was interrupted from his thoughts by a scream that he instantly recognised as Y/N’s. 

No, no no, this couldn’t happen to him now. Were his men deciding to take things in their own hands? 

AN: I can’t wait to write this entire series! It’s going to be one of my main projects this summer, I’m SO excited. 

#jungkook #bts reactions #jungkook fic #jungkook mafia #mafiakook #bts fanfic #taehyung #taehyungfic #bts scenarios

[waldowski89-blog]

Two Lazy Weeks in the Making… (somewhere at the beginning of August 2017)

(Edit: Okay, the title sounds more dramatic than the actual bulk of this post but lets get into the ramblings of a madman who talks about nothing whilst trying to make it sound interesting. I’m also going to have to do a lot of writing as I want to catch up with all the post I’ve missed… which is a lot. Off we go into the post then)

(After Edit: Scroll to the credits music at the bottom and you can also listen to some albums/music that I listened to while writing this)

Hello again, I’m back! Not that I really left. I’ve been over on Twitch and Twitter mainly. So I’ve got lots of plans for social media stuff and am keeping myself busy. I know this shouldn’t be a diary type thing. Those can be boring. Especially mine seen as nothing much really happens in my life… honest!

I will be starting an Instagram account this week… yay! Please feel free to follow me on all my different accounts. It sounds like it’s all me me me (meme, har har) but I promise you it will all be entertaining… like a train wreck is entertaining. Tune in to watch a fully grown man go slowly insane. (Edit: That’s a laugh)

I’ve said before that: “Waldowski” is a character of mine and he is. However, my own personality seems to be… “shining” through in his work… or my work I suppose.

(12/8/17 (Edit: English style date)):

Right, so I wrote the top part a few days ago (Thurs 10/8/17 I think) and now I’m coming back to this. I’m going back to my old schedule and goals and adding a few things. When I do Twitch streams, which should be everyday. TWITCH STREAM ERRYDAY *AIRHORNS* I may do longer than an hour. I just bought Assassin’s Creed Origins too so stay tuned for that, exciting stuff! (Edit: I literally just bought it because I forgot to enter the discount code. What a mess!)

I was watching a vid earlier about Michael Jackson’s involvement in creating the music for Sonic 3. It was very interesting and I have heard about this before. The whole thing is pretty much confirmed now but it’s interesting to follow all the theories and research that’s been done into this. I won’t reiterate what’s already been said but I will link the recent vid on the subject. There are links in there too so hopefully I haven’t sent you into a research, insomniac inducing frenzy of a pit of information where you’re just holding a steaming cup of coffee with straggly hair and bloodshot eyes just looking for your next fix on that Michael Jackson/Sega music conspiracy… and breathe. Sorry for that long sentence, I got carried away.

Okay I’m back writing this again on 13/8/17. I’m going to finish this post tonight! I’m watching Key and Peele again. Those guys are funny, anyway, what I’m doing is writing out four pages by hand with my brilliant Parker fountain pen… okay… I think I’ve really lost it. I’m coming back out of retirement (secret link of more Key and Peele I didn’t post on twitter) (Edit: I put it in the Research section below too. Also, thanks to Philip DeFranco for the idea of a secret link. What fun!)

More plans are a: “Let’s Read” YouTube channel called: “Waldowski Reads”. I still have to get a few things to set that up first. It will be much like a let’s play channel but with me trying to read a book… funny, eh?

This kinda reminds me of when I’d do work at University. I’d have to set goals, plan things, etc… I have been doing this but falling behind lately. In any case none of that matters now. I’ve gotta move on and get on with actually doing stuff.

So, everything’s planned out for a little while for me. Anything happening out there? (apart from all the bad news of course. I already know about that stuff) I genuinely mean it too with following me on social media. I try to talk to as many people as I can nowadays.

Blergh, how did I do this before? A few months ago I’d bang out 1,000 words like it was nothing.

Oh my God, I totally forgot, Na Wri Mo (Edit: Almost, but it’s Na NO Wri Mo because it happens in November) is happening soon. Ugh, I’d always wanted to try it for years. What I’m worried about is one whether what I write will be any good, if I stick to it (quitting will feel like a massive failure for me) and if I’ll take it seriously (nothing should, I suppose) (Edit: Kinda gave up on the numbering of reasons, didn’t I ?) but I’ve had a tendency to let things travel into the realm of ridiculousness before… hmn, maybe that’s a good thing? It might turn out silly and fun for once. I’m not putting “The Vague Chronicles” in there either. Maybe the characters can crossover, I dunno.

It’s pretty much 12:00am as I write this. I’m gonna get it finished before I sleep anyway. So it’s four sides of handwritten A4 pages… did I already write that?

In any case, I keep liking vids on YouTube but they don’t stay liked (random I know but what else can I write… look at this shit. How the fuck is my Na Wri Mo (Edit: Pleb) project going to look? I don’t even have a plan Jesus Christ. Also yes I’m swearing… I’ve been drinking a little bit too. I’m not an example of how life should be lived… this is just an account of how I’m living mine)

Shit, I’m supposed to disappear. Well, at least in novel writing I am. Writing is about the characters not me, at least that what I’ve been told. I’ve also been told: “Write what you know”.

Back again. Been distracted by life. In… anyway what I was saying was ugh… it doesn’t matter I’m not supposed to be in the story, my characters are… but why do I become them sometimes? I have to… that’s the point.

So, this is the last page (handwritten anyway)

Damn, look at this, I’m letting myself get distracted at every turn. It’s 4:04 in the morning and I haven’t finished. I’ll have to type all this up tomorrow. Hello me! Weird right? You’re typing this up and I’m talking to you. (Edit: … yes very… I hope I get back to the point, whatever it was)

So, seriously. I dunno. This pen is kinda cool, right? Tired AndwewsiesTM. This will go up on Tumblr. I know I’m irrelevant at the moment. So drunk WHO CARES ABOUT THAT!? Nevermobf.

So, Assassin’s Creed Origins is coming soon… in October. Hopefully I’ll be ready to do a let’s play/stream hey I might even do an unboxing. It’s a collector’s edition with a figure and other stuff too. I’ll do it like the vid I’m showing someone now. Wink wink. (Edit: It was just me reading the handwritten version out… HUSHIES) She gets to see the handwritten stuff. This is her day after all! The best fan/troll anyone could ever hope for.

Gosh my writing is getting bad, so drunk. I’m okay of course. Oh! So there’s like four things I think I have to link in this “blog”. Um, the Michael Jackson Sonic 3 vid, the music from the Jetzons associated with that, the Key and Peele vid, oh and finally the AC Origins pic.

I’m back but for now… goodbye and I will see… MAY see you tomorrow. My name’s Waldowski and thank you to everyone who read this or listened.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ILY UWU!

AW

Research Links:

A Brief History of Michael Jackson's Sonic the Hedgehog 3

The Jetzons - Hard Times(Sonic 3 Ice Cap Zone Act 1 & 2 Remix)

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker - Sega Genesis - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 63

I’m Coming out of Retirement One Last Time...

Credits Music:

Thought Beings - Italo Nights

Tommy '86 - Disco Machine - [FULL EP]

Nightcrawler - Strange Shadows - [FULL EP]

VHS Glitch - Halloween Strangers [FULL ALBUM]

Bonus

Off we go...

Into uncharted lands...

[gguktastic]

He Tasted Like Love // D. H. X READER

NOTE : I didn't exactly understand the 'doesn't want kids' part, so I'm just gonna see it as 'is not ready for a relationship'. I'm so sorry for disappointing :( Warnings - swear words, vague mention of sex, very very boring and shit. ALSO YA'LL I HATE MYSELF I HAD THIS WRITTEN AND THEN I FORGOT ABOUT THIS I AM SORRY TO WHOEVER LOOK FORWARD TO IT LETS GO ON TO THE FANFIC SHALL WE // "DAN! PHIL! IN THE KITCHEN, THIS FUCKING INSTANT!" It was a rainy and miserable Saturday, and all I wanted were some mini Easter eggs to snack on, seeing as my room mates had bought them for a YouTube video on their very famous channel, but hadn't used them in the end. However, when I slouched to the kitchen to have some, well, you can guess what I discovered. Dan and Phil both grumpily walked into the kitchen. "[Y/N], it's fucking ten AM, you'd better have a good reason to wake us up at such an early hour," said Dan. Cue eye roll. "Who ate the mini Easter eggs?" I asked, cutting straight to the point. Both the boys straightened up, their cheeks painted in a light blush. "I'm sorry for eating a quarter of it, [Y/N]," said Dan, evidently guilty. "Ugh, whatever." "I'm sorry for eating the mini Easter eggs, [Y/N]!" Said Phil. I smiled at him. "It's okay, Phil. Just don't do that next time." Dan flared up. "What?!" He said, his voice high pitched. "So I'm dismissed rudely for eating, like, just a quarter of the pack, and Phil here is given a smile for eating the rest of it? This isn't fair!" He yelled, like a toddler. I laughed. "Dan! You're not a five year old anymore. Deal with it." Saying so, I simply walked out of the kitchen after pouring myself a bowlful of Dan's cereal. Right after me, Dan stomped out, and Phil stayed behind to give me a high-five (which completely flopped). Hello there. My name is [Y/N], and I'm a [INSERT DREAM CAREER HERE]. Three years ago, I found an advertisement in the newspaper by some Dan and Phil, who were apparently looking for a room mate. Since my current room mate threw wild parties at the apartment every other day and made me help her clean up, which basically meant she would sleep off her hangover, and I would end up cleaning the whole thing. On top of that, I'd been paying her monthly rent for around two years. Since I couldn't really afford to pay two people's rent or rent out an apartment of my own, I decided to ring the guys, whom I met the next day as I looked at their apartment after a coffee with them. I found out they were actually big-time YouTubers, so I pointed out that giving off their address and phone number like that could get them some serious stalkers. They said they had thought about it, and had decided to use a different phone number for calling, and to actually meet the person before taking them to their apartment to show them around. Still, dangerous. I, to this day, still didn't know why they were looking for a room mate, but I longer really cared. All that mattered was that none of them had tried to get in my pants. I was a sister to them, and to me, they were like brothers. However, I'm not going to deny that I have had a crush on Dan ever since I moved in, three years ago. I mean, could you blame me? Tall, dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, and those dimples? Irresistible. I shook my head, and proceeded to drown my feelings out with cereal. // Two days later, I waved goodbye to them as they got into a cab, on their way to the airport to leave for Singapore, and then, Australia, for a YouTube event. I sighed as the cab sped off. 'It's getting bored for a week now, great.' A day later, I was sitting in the lounge, re watching old episodes of Attack On Titan, wincing at all the gore and blood, when all of a sudden my phone began to explode with notifications. When I say 'explode with notifications', my phone literally fell of the table because it was vibrating that much. Twitter. Tumblr. Instagram. What on Earth even happened? I opened tumblr first, that's what mattered. All I saw on my dashboard was a picture of Dan, standing in front of the Merlion statue, mouth open, and in such a position that it looked like the water spouting out of the Merlion's mouth seemed like it was going directly into Dan's mouth. The caption? 'Yes quench my thirst Merlion dad.' I face palmed. Typical Dan. I scrolled a bit, and came across a picture of Phil, attempting the same thing Dan did and completely missing. I laughed, shaking my head. Those two, I swear. Again, two hours later, my phone exploded with notifications, thankfully not falling off the table this time (mostly because I was sensible enough to keep it away from the edge of the table.) I opened my Twitter this time. All I saw were the words 'Dan' and 'ripped jeans'. I finally found a picture. God damn. I'm not going to lie at all, but Dan look hot in ripped jeans, and my eyes bugged out looking at the picture of him. Oh lord, I need to stop. I got some more of Dan's cereal, to drown my feelings out: again. // A few days later, I woke up to the same thing happening. What did Dan do this time? I chose to go for Dan's Instagram this time. I felt my heart stop for a second. It was Dan, sat on a stool, wearing ripped jeans, and a long, feminine-cut flannel shirt. There was a smirk on his face, as he sat, legs apart. My breathing felt laboured. Oh, fuck. I immediately took a screenshot of the picture, and opened up the Messages app, just to shoot a quick text to Dan. [Y/N] - What is up with that fuckboi selfie? I sent the screenshot. A minute later, I got a reply. Danyul - Lmao I thought I was looking good wait I am looking good rite ;)) I laughed and replied. [Y/N] - you looked good but kinda like a fuck boy, js Danyul - ugh I want to kms now [Y/N] - nO you look like a good fuckboi Danyul - omfg what is wrong with u what is a good fuckboi [Y/N] - ugh whatever, I'll Skype you guys after your show, text me when ur done Danyul - lmao okay fine then ttyl enjoy the silence at home [Y/N] - I will dw, you enjoy australia Dan and Phil's meet and greet had probably started, that could be why he didn't reply, but just read the text. // "What the hell were you thinking, Dan?" I was skyping with the boys, and as soon as they picked up my Skype call, I called out Dan for the mirror selfie he'd posted a few hours earlier. "So I wasn't looking good?" He asked, a smirk on his face. Phil laughed as I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Danny boi, you looked good, kind of like a fuckboi - a good looking one at that - and you probably made the hearts of around a million girls from around the world stop and cause their 'deaths', as far as I saw on tumblr. Also, Phil, if you ever take a fuckboi selfie like that, apparently people are going to 'float out of their body and transcend into nine different dimensions," I said, making Dan laugh like a hyena and Phil stick out his tongue in the adorable way he does when he laughs. "You can tell them all, that is not happening any time soon," Phil said, and I laughed in reply. "Well I'm going to change out of these clothes now because my sweatpants are calling my name, I'll be right back," said Dan, disappearing into the bathroom with a pair of sweatpants and a tee. "[Y/N], spill." Demanded Phil, as soon as he thought Dan was out of earshot. I was taken aback, confused. "Spill? About what?" "Um? About the fact that you really, really 'like' like Dan?" I blushed visibly. "I - but - just that, I'm not ready for a relationship yet," I say, my voice getting quieter by the second. Phil's face softened and looked almost sad. "Todd?" "Todd." Todd was my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with only a few months ago after I found out that his 'helpful' colleague had been way too 'helpful' to him. It just made me not trust anyone else at all for a while and mainly just stop thinking about being in a relationship. I jumped back to the present as I heard Dan shut the bathroom door behind him and enter the frame. Phil and I put our happy faces back on as we talked till the sun came up, the dim light seeping through my partially open curtains. // "[Y/N], I'm hurt! Why wouldn't you come to pick us up from the airport?" Dan yelled, as soon as him and Phil entered through the front door of our apartment. I ran down the stairs to the actual door to the apartment. "Well, Dan and Phil, you'll find out when you go get changed and come into the kitchen!" I said, panting after the exercise. They looked at me, then each other, then shrugged. "[Y/N], it'd better be good, I'm still a bit offended." Said Dan, making Phil and I laugh as he nudged my shoulder while going up the stairs. In reply, Phil obviously raised his eyebrows at me and I bit my lip, slightly shrugging. Phil smiled and patted my shoulder as he climbed up the stairs and walked past me to get to his room. As soon as they were both in their rooms, I got my 'surprise' - successfully green velvet cupcakes after their fail at making them green once before- out of the oven, a sweet smell spreading around the kitchen. I then 'silently' ran to my room, grabbing a bunch of pillows. Phil was the first one to get out of his room, dressed in his classic, old gengar shirt and a pair of Star Wars pyjamas. I gently threw a pillow at him, Phil struggling to catch it. We had a mental conversation. 'Pillow fight?' 'Pillow fight.' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room?' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room.' We nodded, and put our backs to the walls on either side of the door, clutching our pillows tightly. We had to keep ourselves from bursting into giggles, but after a few minutes of waiting, we finally heard the doorknob turning. I looked up at Phil, and we grinned. 3... 2... 1... The door opened fully and I yelled out a war cry, slamming my pillow onto Dan's face, and then so did Phil. I threw the third and last pillow towards Dan, and Phil and I ran. It must've taken a moment for Dan to realise what was happening, because I was almost to the lounge when I heard Dan's footsteps on the floor. I stopped for a breath in front of the lounge, but Dan caught up. He was only a few steps behind me when I made the stupid decision of running into the lounge, which Dan then rushed into, closing the door behind him so I had no escape. He grinned evilly, and I resorted to darting to different sides of the room to avoid his pillow, but then I felt his arms around my waist, and I squealed. I felt myself rise up a few centimetres from the floor. "Dan! Let me go!" I said, giggling. I heard Dan laugh as he set me down on the floor again. I decided to run while I could, but me being me, I stubbed my toe on the edge of a couch. I fell to the floor, groaning in pain. Dan sat down beside me. "You're the only person I can trust to do something like that," he said, chuckling. I pouted, lightly hitting him on the shoulder. "Daaaaan," I whined. "It huuuuurts." I pouted some more. To make it feel better, Dan stomped his heel on the toe I had stubbed. I sharply gasped, and Dan burst out in his hyena laugh. All of a sudden, I felt him draw me closer to him, his arms around my waist, his head resting in the crook of my neck, bodies close together. After a second of not realising what was happening, I finally clasped my hands behind his neck, hugging him back. He smelt of vanilla and coffee; he felt like a summer day after months of winter. His breath against my cold neck, hot. "Hey, [Y/N], I know it's a really hard time for you after Tony, and you're really, really brave to be dealing with it like this, sometimes I forget that something so shit has happened to someone as beautiful as you; it shouldn't have, ever." His chapped lips forming the words against the bare skin of my neck sent shivers down my spine: the good kind. I let the first of the tears fall, wetting his shirt. When Dan hugged me tighter, pulling us together so close that I could feel his heartbeat, I let go. "[Y/N]. I know you won't like this, but I just have to say that I really, really like you. I overheard you talking to Phil about me the other day, and since then, I've been thinking, and I really, really, really like you. You can say no, I would understand." I pulled away from the hug, eyes wide, and hesitantly pulled him in for a kiss. He tasted like mint chocolate; his lips were softer sandpaper against my completely smooth lips. His hand was warm as it cupped my cheek, the other hand behind my back, pulling me closer to him. He tasted like love.

[chocolate-brownies]

Explore what digital detox can mean for you—and the world at large—at Wellspring.

I talk a big game when it comes to mindfulness. In the yoga classes I teach, as well as in conversations with friends, I find myself ranting about the evils of digital devices and social media. And yet I also increasingly catch myself reaching for my phone before getting out of bed in the morning. I obsessively watch every Instagram story in my feed. The sound of a notification, any notification, sets my heart racing with both anticipation and anxiety. It’s a hard truth, but an important one to admit: I am addicted to my devices. Can you relate?

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, a colloquialism I conveniently kept forgetting to follow with a second step. But my dependence has reached unhealthy levels—I’m sleeping poorly and unable to focus on simple tasks, like reading, without “checking in.” It’s time for a hard reset. I’m digitally detoxing for seven whole days, and will document my progress in a journal—that is, assuming I don’t collapse from withdrawal.

Here are the rules:

No personal social media, whatsoever. I can use social media for my job (I manage my yoga studio’s Instagram account) between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

Professional email only between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

No convenience apps (Venmo, Uber, etc.).

Try hard.

Be honest.

Day One

I’m a mess today. I attended a 108 festival in Santa Monica this weekend and flew back home on a red-eye. Disaster. I’m bleary-eyed, nauseous, and totally out of it. The only thing I want to do is binge on Netflix for hours, but I’m pretty sure that mindlessly staring at a screen would be a bad way to kick things off. I consider an online restorative class, but that requires a computer. They make everything so easy, and yet do they really fulfill our needs? I turn my phone off completely, pull down the window shades, drape my body over a bolster, and consider myself dead to the world.

When it’s time for bed, I find myself antsy to the point of clenching my jaw. It’s been almost 24 hours since I checked WhatsApp for messages, and I’m worried I’ll “miss” something. But what could be so important that it’d be sent via WhatsApp at 10 pm on a Wednesday night? I go to bed. 

Day Two

I’m still jet-lagged, but feeling more excited about the detox. As I go about my routine, I catch myself reaching for my phone dozens of times before noon. Literally dozens. This is not good. Each time, I ask myself: What were you planning on doing with it? The answer, I admit sheepishly, is always the same: Instagram.

I decide to dig a little deeper and explore why I feel the need to check IG, and I realize it isn’t out of boredom or curiosity. I notice that the common denominator in each of these close calls is that just before I grab my cell, I have begun to get a little anxiety about deadlines, my career, my hopeless singledom… Turns out, I’m straight-up trying to avoid feelings that oh-so-inconveniently keep creeping in. I decide to make a new rule: Every time I want to avoid a hard emotion by cruising the web, I have to sit, close my eyes, and feel the feels for two minutes. I do a lot of eyes-shut-sitting this week.

Day Three

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. I was working on an article, and I must have blacked out for a sec, because when I “woke up” I was seven images deep on my Instagram newsfeed. Let me reiterate this: I actually opened a new tab on my browser, navigated to Instagram, and started scrolling without realizing that I was doing so.

Apparently I also scroll for procrastination purposes. This was a theme that would recur again and again throughout the week: The second I felt stuck or bored or distracted by whatever I was working on, I would click open a new tab and start to type either “Insta…” or “Twitt…” or “Face…” Cruising around social media sites is my favorite form of postponing a dreaded task, a fact that Mark Zuckerberg would love but my editors would hate. I didn’t cure myself of the urge this week, but I did catch myself in the act earlier and earlier.

Day Four

This is a tough one to share. I realized today that, in addition to texting and IRL chats, one of the main ways I stay in touch with my girlfriends is to swap snarky comments via DM about people we hate-follow on social media. Ugh—it sucks to admit it, and it sucks even more that I do it. Gossip is a huge part of our society’s culture; I’ll even go so far as to say it’s how we’ve been trained to communicate with each other. But that doesn’t make it right.

I realized I was missing the daily lol moments from my best gal pal’s razor-sharp takedowns, and that’s when I first acknowledged the deeper issue. We have so much in common: We both love to cook, teach yoga, and are passionate about wellness. We have zillions of things to talk about and do together. Connecting and fostering a sense of closeness through this social media snark just feels cheap. And lazy. This one is an easy fix: We made plans to meet for tea, and shared an hour of substantial, thoughtful conversation. I left our date feeling refreshed, not guilty and dirty.

Day Five

Okay, I’ve definitely gotten over my withdrawal symptoms and have entered the euphoria stage. I made plans to go out with my parents to celebrate my mother’s birthday, and I had a tight turnaround from my shift at the yoga studio to the time of our dinner reservations. Normally, this type of situation would stress me out as I attempted to take care of my dog, get dressed, and get out the door, but today I felt a sense of lightness. I practically skipped out of my apartment with my cell set to airplane mode. What changed? I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I had officially crossed “Check Instagram” off my to-do list.

Let me explain: Once again, I’m blushing so hard I’m turning red, but my addiction has roots so deep that I have convinced myself scrolling through random people’s feeds is a necessary step in getting ready to leave the house. It isn’t just a time suck: The real problem is that I’ve placed undue importance on the minutiae of someone else’s life over my own. My voice says that attention and presence are important, but my actions say that what celebrity yoga teachers ate for lunch is more so. I decide to banish my cell from the “getting ready” process from here on out, and lean into the itchy “but I just wanna know” feeling that comes with my abstinence.

Day Six

Last week, while I was on vacation in another state, my folks had my aunt and uncle over for a meal. I knew this not because I was invited or because my mom told me. I knew because my aunt posted pictures on Facebook. This got me thinking how much of my friends’ and family’s life updates I glean from stalking — instead of talking. I’ve learned about my network’s pregnancies, deaths, and engagements through social media, and I’ve definitely shared big news (a book deal, a move, a new job) of my own through the platforms.

I used to tell myself that social updates were simply the most efficient means of reaching the most people all at once, but the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering: Why is it important to reach the most people all at once? If it’s a major life event we’re dealing with, shouldn’t I want to discuss it with personal, face-to-face interactions? And if it’s a boring detail not worth a real conversation, does it really need to be shared? I’ve considered social networks a huge part of my social life for the last ten years, and I’m not going to lie… I’m having an existential crisis over here.

Day Seven

It’s the last day of my digital detox, and I’ve reached a calmer, clearer place by actually engaging with the physical space I’m in. Instead of jumping up to cook dinner, do a final email sweep, and crush the last few items on my to-do list, I spent a few minutes after meditation this evening simply looking around my apartment. Did the light always look so beautiful this time of day? Had my ceilings always been that pretty? They’re REALLY pretty. Have I seriously lived here for four months without noticing them?

I’m suddenly aware of how often I pass time in restaurants, cafés, and parks without looking around. Why? Because my face is buried in my cell. Of course. I became hyper-aware of my own behavior patterns this week as I watched diners whip out their devices the second their dates got up to use the restroom, and I observed people moving forward in a line while scrolling until the second they reached their destination. I made a conscious effort to look up, look around, and spend time observing the buildings, furniture, decorations, and people surrounding me. It’s definitely a practice I’m going to carry with me when this experiment is over.

Parting Thoughts

This was one of the hardest things I’ve done. It wasn’t an issue of willpower; what made this detox challenging was being honest with myself about how unhealthy my addiction has become. There’s no way I was going to undo a decade of learned behavior in the course of a week, but what I will take with me is a clear awareness of my patterns and triggers. So that was step one. Step two is examining this new self-awareness with kindness, patience, and forgiveness.

Will I toss my cell out of my third-floor window? Definitely not. But I absolutely am going to scale back, check in less, and employ mindfulness tactics in my social media and technology usage. I tell my yoga students to play at their edge of discomfort, but not to live in extremes. What better advice than that for living in a digital age?

—

Rochelle Bilow is a yoga teacher and wellness writer based in Upstate New York. She’s an advocate for body positivity and healthy attitudes toward food and spends the majority of her free time concocting feel-good recipes. She’s also a nature nut and proud corgi mom. Connect with her at her website and on Instagram.

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#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

[artificialqueens]

This could happen (Trixya) - Toki

AN: First submission! A little one shot real-world Trixya for your nerves ft. a touch of smut. TW: Drink, drugs, swearing.

It was the longest leg of the journey, a boiling hot summer’s morning, and Trixie was already bored. On a day like this she should be out on the beach, eyes half closed in the dazzling light, sun pouring over her skin and drawing shadows across her slowly hardening abs. She loved going to the gym. She loved showing off her muscles, as if she had no idea anyone was watching her smooth skin ripple when she flexed. She loved being athletic, feeling adult. Getting a smoothie.  Now she was folded over the central table of the tour bus, listlessly checking the latest Instagram posts she’d been tagged in from the show the night before.  Nothing stood out as she scrolled. The usual thirty meet and greet selfies, the three photos of her grimacing and presenting a gifted copy of Contact, a photo of her with her arm draped over the shoulder of a slight twink sporting a hastily-bought merch T.  Everyone wants to stand out. Form a lasting connection, make an impression, linger in the sleepy next-day mind of the famous drag queen. No one did. She turned off her phone.

The bus was an ageing one, more fitting for a medium-low budget tour. The outlets didn’t work. Battery must be conserved, and that meant socialising.  Trixie pushed herself up from the couch and took a moment to stretch, flexing her biceps as the sun flashed through the windows.  “Ooh girl,” Violet piped up from the front. “Get it mama. Bring those arms up here.” Trixie yawned as she paced forward to where a few of her tourmates were curled up.  It was the tenth morning of the Summer of Drag tour, a long bill spanning fifteen states over twenty-four days. Trixie, Violet, Bianca, Alaska, Aja, Max, Pandora Boxx and Michelle Visage were all on the roster.. for most of the time, anyway. The Summer of Drag lineup varied several times between states to accommodate the busy schedules of the stars, although Trixie, Michelle and Pandora were permanent fixtures. From tomorrow Pearl would be around for a few days, Adore after that, and Sasha V at some point in future.  Trixie dropped down next to Violet and put an arm around her. The mood was definitely low energy, a droning song on the radio as endless fields rolled by outside. The sky was an impossible blue. Thousands of tiny scratchmarks on the windows caught the sun and frosted the windows gold. Most of the queens dozed. A gradual click, click waded into Trixie’s consciousness. She couldn’t place it. “Look at this bullshit.” Violet pushed her phone into Trixie’s hand and slid her sunglasses down over her eyes, shifting a little sideways to get more comfortable. Trixie glanced at the screen, an open text conversation dancing before her eyes as she tried to steady it against the pitch of the bus.

From: PURL bitch I know

From: PURL but like

From: PURL they said they’d find someone else

From: PURL so

Sent: ok but people are gonna talk shit about it cause you did this before (seen)

From: PURL yeah

Sent: I hope they send someone fun (seen)

Sent: this tour is dull af without you (seen)

Sent:  did they say who  (seen)

Sent: i am sooooo oooo oooo boredd (seen)

From: PURL no

From: PURL sorry purp

“Oh, that sucks.“  Trixie tried to pass the phone back to Violet, but her friend had fallen asleep.  She missed Pearl. It was weird how such a chill person could make everything so much more interesting. They hadn’t seen each other since a show in Boston that spring, and she’d been looking forward to catching up. Getting drunk together maybe. Goofing off.  Trixie glanced down at Violet, now snoring slightly. Tiny dark hairs had begun to pepper the skinny queen’s upper lip. A spot of drool was threatening to fall onto Trixie’s shirt. She shifted away slowly, willing it not to move until she was out of its path. Violet was always so confident. It dripped off her just like that drool drop. She seemed so permanently at ease, sometimes making Trixie feel awkward and misplaced against her backdrop of casual droll glamour. No big though. Not really. She was learning to let go of a little of that tightly woven country-boy background that kept her careful in life and love.

I guess we’ll see what the future holds. Maybe I’ll meet someone soon.

Her relationship with David had gone the invitable way of all the rest. Intense half-year honeymoon made stronger by the absences, but eventual scraps over missed dates and finally long silences, a few attempts to resurrect their romance, and a pretty inevitable break up. She didn’t blame him. It’s hard being in love with someone constantly on the go, and David had never been particularly interested in her drag. They’d shared a love of video games and a few music interests, but it hadn’t proven enough to last.

Trixie glanced up at the other queens spread around the bus. Aja was next to Violet, sound asleep. Beyond her Pandora, asleep too. Michelle was on the other side of the aisleway, tapping at her phone carefully with inch-long fake nails. Click, click. Oh, that was the noise. Beyond her was Max, deep in a book. Trixie shifted position and studied her for a minute. The morning sun played across the outline of the boy’s aquiline nose, casting a liquid silhouette across the pages as she turned them slowly. Crazy bone-structured baby bitch. Damn. She resumed count subconsciously.  Alaska was somewhere in the back, probably napping in her bunk. Bianca nonexistent. She’d opted to take flights between stops instead. Hated tour buses. The tour manager was probably up front with the driver. And that made nine. "Okay. Okay okay.” Trixie had finally freed herself from Violet. She rose to her feet and swung herself back towards the table where her phone lay, pushing the power button as she continued towards the bunks at the back. She scanned the rows for her nametag, mostly out of habit by now. Her bed was on the middle shelf, towards the back on the right-hand side. It wasn’t too bad, considering. Older buses seemed to have roomier bunks, and the external wall of hers was just one huge window with a rolling shade to block out the light. She slid it up halfway to let the sun pour in, mostly so she could watch the fields slide by as she rested her head on her warm pink pillow. The landscape really made her think of home. Occasional farmhouses baking in the hot sun, one or two with their aluminium windmill blades turning slowly. Somewhere a fan whirred softly. No birdsong, just the whisper of grass shifting. The quiet purr of the engine. Time slowing. Her eyelids drooped as the details began to blur. This was a nice moment. Tour wasn’t so bad.

“Rest stop ladies!”

Sweaty neck. Dry mouth. Possibly sunburn. Trixie shifted and reached for her phone as she felt the bus slowing down.

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Messages (39)

Mom (9) Katya (6) Kim (3) More…

From: Katya idiot

From: Katya idiot

From: Katya barb

From: Katya deb

From: Katya shelby

From: Katya shelby

Ugh.

Sent: Hey

Sent: What’s up

…

(seen)

Katya is typing

“TRIXIEE” came the roar of Violet’s voice, startling the sleepy queen. “GET UP ASSHOLE.” “Oh my god.” “Come on! I need vodka!” “Violet,” Trixie slid out of the bunk and stretched, pacing slowly towards the front. “You don’t need me to fund your alcohol problem girl. Work it out.” Violet had already disappeared through the door. Honestly, Trixie was glad for a break from the drive. She was the last one off the bus, stepping out into the scorching heat as the sunlight landed almost physically onto her skin. She could smell the hot tarmac of the rest-stop parking lot baking in the heat. A bird was croaking somewhere. Time to head for the gas station. She wanted something to drink, some snacks, and definitely something to read. Her phone battery was nearly dead, so she knew she’d be bored as hell for the next five hours.  The cool of the airconditioned store was immediately soothing as Aja’s dry laugh hit her ears. She was a cool kid. Her fanbase after her season aired had grown pretty fast, everyone fascinated by her naomi meets kim aesthetic. She was so honest, too. Easy to like. “Trixie.” Violet broke into her thoughts suddenly, rounding the aisle with a bottle of alcohol in each hand. She bore down on Trixie, offering one as she started to chatter.  “Vodka’s two for one. I have no cash though and my wallet’s on the bus. If you get me this I’ll let you have the other one.” Trixie didn’t even bother to protest the deal. “Sure girl. Get me a mixer, Coke’s fine.” She glanced down at the magazine rack in front of her. It was the usual assembly of shitty gossip editions, packed with fake headlines and the kind of exaggerated celebrity nonsense news that bordered on slander. She’d read all of them. A small side section of arts and crafts books caught her eye though, and she reached for a book of guitar tabs peeking out from the rack. It proved to be an out-of-print collection of 2000-2005 country song arrangements by local state musicians, the poorly printed cover a photo of an older man sitting on his porch with a scrappy looking dog. Looked dumb. Maybe she’d pick up some inspiration for her next tune. A couple of songs from her recently-released album had proven pretty popular, not just with the Drag Race fanbase but also the general public, even charting on the country music billboard. Since then she’d started working on new material, but her creativity had kind of dried up. Nothing stuck. Trixie headed for the counter, grabbing a bag of chips along the way. Violet was waiting for her and passing time making idle conversation with the clerk. He’d clearly recognised the queen, and was not-so-subtly attempting to swing a selfie.  “I’ll take a photo with you if you give me cigarettes,” Violet purred. That’s weird.  “You started smoking, girl?” Violet shrugged. The cashier’s face had fallen a little, and he started to explain that giving out store goods could get him fired. “I got ‘em. I’m not supporting your habit though. You owe me. This is blood money.” “Yeah yeah, I’ll pay you in show money tonight.” Violet laughed. “I always get more than you, so.” “You don’t even need it, cunt. You’re the rich one.” Trixie swiped her card as Violet gathered up their shopping. Her gaze fell on the songbook and she started to mention it, but Trixie’s less than playful shrug stopped her from cracking a joke.  “I’m bored,” she offered by way of explanation. “I figured I’d learn some uh… Backyard Bill and the Moonshines.” “Sounds cool, girl.” Violet shoved the cigarette pack into her back pocket. “I wanna do shots when we get on the bus though. If Pearl’s not coming I’m gonna just get drunk without her.”

Two hours later, Violet set about making good on her promise. Trixie stared at the row of shot glasses Aja was setting up on the table as Violet made sure they were quickly filled.  Alaska was next to her on the couch, slowly peeling nail glue off her fingernails with her characteristic bored langour. She was droning on about the new fashion label venture Sasha Velour was collaborating on. It was interesting, but Trixie wasn’t interested. Max was tucked up on the rear sofa at the table, deep in conversation with the side of Michelle’s face as she continued texting whoever it was she was always talking to.  “Yeah honey,” Trixie heard her murmur, “yeah yeah. Yep.” Aja pushed a shot into her eyeline. “Time to drink, Trixita.” Shots right after lunch. Three hours to go until the venue. Why not? “Cheers.” She downed the vodka easily, Violet a second behind her. Max glanced up from her seat but shook her head at Aja’s offer of a shot. “Guess it’s just the three of us. Move up.” As she started to squeeze onto the couch next to Aja, Violet’s phone lit up for a brief moment.  “How are you getting charge, girl?” “I have a battery pack, a girl gave it to me last night after I tweeted about this dump truck not having power.” “Work.” Trixie dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She checked the screen to see her battery level. 2%.

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Agent (29) BTDQ (10) Kim (9) Katya (4) Mom (2) More…

Oh yeah, what did Katya want?  Trixie swiped her phone, but let out an exasperated sigh as the screen froze and then faded to black. “Violet, can I use your charger?” “Sorry girl.” The skinny brunette shrugged as she tied her long hair into a ponytail. “It’s out. Only lasted for like an hour. Hey, round two.”

By the time the tour bus pulled into the venue parking lot it was already starting to get dark. Red stripes scored the early evening sky as the last of the golden sun painted the city skyscrapers. Lights were flicking on all around, late workers hunched over desks as everyone poured into the streets to begin their various evening plans. So many lonely people. I’m super romantic. And super drunk. Fuuck. Trisie slid her bag otno her shoulder andd stagered down theh bus gangway.  STTUUPID. shouldnt get tshi drunk before a show  buit theres no meet and greet tonigth  it'sl be fine she’d alreday put on her makuep evne though it wasn'r completetly as good as usuual. last shot was anhour ago and she was actually startig to sober up. she jstu needed some fresh air. pulling her hood up, she stpped into the cooling evenign air and took a deep breath.  that’s goood. not so bad.  ACtually, startig to feel a lottt better. Pandora put an arm around her shoulders as her head stopped spinning. “You ok?” “Yeah girl. Just shouldn’t drink on the bus. I’m good.” They shared a moment’s laughter as they heard the sudden roar from the line snaking around the side of the building, ripples of excitement spreading as the fans caught sight of the famous queens. “Let’s get inside.” Trixie followed the other queens as the group of prearranged roadies and assistants flooded out from the building. She greeted her assigned aid Toby and pointed out her suitcases amongst the pile being quickly unloaded from the bus, before stepping into the venue and narrowing her eyes to accommodate the dim lighting in the hallway. She was definitely still feeling drunk. Probably needed to touch up her makeup before getting on stage. She checked her watch, peering in the low light. The opening number was in an hour.  Trixie turned the corner of the hallway to see the dressing room doorway and soon spotted the familiar line of mirrors and lights. She plopped herself next to Aja, the newer queen of the pack looking a little more drunk than she was. “Which order are you on?” Aja glanced at the sheet on the countertop as she quickly unloaded her makeup. “Uhh.. Second, right after.. does that say Pandora?” Trixie leaned closer and nodded. “Yeah. Before Max. Then me. There’s no meet and greet tonight though, right?” Aja screwed up her eyes to make out the difference between her foundation powder shades. She held up a brush in a wobbly hand and took a stab at reaching for her base shade. She knocked it off the table.  “Yeah. I think Bianca’s first and last and she usually stays on, right?” “Up to her, girl.” Trixie found to her surprise that her makeup was actually pretty on point. She reached for her set of preprepared lashes and twisted the cap off her Duo tube, running a line of the glue down the middle of each dark clump.  “I can’t wait to get out tonight after this. I want a nap. I’m so fucking tired of the heat. I can’t ever sleep properly, it’s like I just get cramps and have these weird dreams about being late for this summer camp I went to when I was a kid. Except I never went to this one, so it’s like my head just came up with this weird.. place..” Trixie trailed off as she noticed how skillfully and deliberately Aja was painting her face. The younger queen had quickly transformed her cheeks into a distinctive contour, lining her nose with cream shades as she scrunched her eyes up to focus her vision. “Girl how are you so good at this when you’re drunk?” Aja laughed. “I’ve done this so many times. Like too many.” “Worrrk, what do you use to highlight?” “Twin Cake with Ice Angel and Kitten Parade, I’m doing shimmery fairy fantasy tonight.” Trixie glanced over in surprise as she held one set of lashes to her eyelids to let the glue dry. “Seriously? I haven’t met anyone else who uses those two together.” Aja laughed. “I learned it from you! You did a Periscope once ages ago and I asked you what you used. I still use it for my pink look.” “No way.” Trixie blinked a few times to check her lashes were fully attached. All good. “Well girl, I’m gonna go find something to keep my buzz going.” She reached into her bag and yanked out her phone charger, hammering it into the wall and hooking up her phone as she stopped to glance around. Where’s Violet?  A sudden rise in volume hit her as Bianca swept into the room. Immediately her head began to ache and she slipped out the door behind the tiny comedian queen, pausing to give her a quick air kiss. She knew roughly where the stage was, so she started down the hallway to the left hoping to run into an assistant who could grab her a whiskey from the bar. The pounding of the bass from the club filled the air. Trixie paused for a moment to identify the song.  It’s.. yeah, it’s Sissy That Walk.  Would she ever get away from the Ru Girl fame? She knew she should be grateful. Oh, she really was. But it was wearing to travel for weeks on end with people she couldn’t completely bond with, medicating with alcohol to pass the hours. She definitely needed to slow down on that. Except for now. She just wanted to get to the end of this corridor and find the club staff.

Instead, she turned the corner and ran straight into Katya. It took her a few seconds to adjust. The shorter queen was fully made up, double Courtney wig pinned on top in an effortless sweeping blonde style that looked a far stretch from her usual careless ‘ugly drag’. She was wearing her red cheerleader outfit, KATYA spelled out across her chest in black letters. Her bright blue eyes shone out from their smokey black makeup, teeth flashing a perfect white in the low light as she roared with laughter at Violet, the brunette hanging off her arm with a happy devotion.  Trixie sucked in her breath in total surprise. 

“Katya!” she shrieked, a little too excitedly for her own taste. Her comedy partner’s head whipped around and she was met with an enormous grin. Immediately she reached for her friend’s tiny frame. Hugging Katya was always like taking a little bag of bones into her arms, all frenzy and energy and joy.  “What are you doing here?” “They booked me, mama! I’m the surprise guest!” Trixie was flooded with a wave of half-drunk affection. Right when she needed someone to feel close to, here’s this idiot. The pair shared an unbelievable connection, always had. She suddenly found she could bear the thought of the tour. Felt excited, even. “Are you doing any other nights? How long are you staying for?” she asked into Katya’s wig, before pulling out of the hug.  “Just tomorrow!” Their eyes were locked, a moment Trixie didn’t want to break out of. Characteristically, Katya turned away first. “Christ, I need a cigarette.” “I gotcha girl.” Trixie narrowed her eyes as Violet reached into her back pocket and prized out the pack of Camels. She waved it in front of Katya’s face, grinning slyly. “Trade you. Sexual favours.” Oh right. Now it makes sense. She knew. Violet always flirted with Katya. Ever since they’d slept together on tour ages ago, Trixie had definitely felt the sexual tension whenever the queens got in the same room. It was pretty one-sided though, right? Katya laughed and reached for the cigarettes. “You beast! Using my addiction against me Barbara? Are you coming out?"  Violet tightened her grip on Katya’s arm and began tugging her toward the fire exit further down the hallway. As Trixie turned to head in the opposite direction she heard the brunette cackle, "Of course! I’m gonna suck your dick in the alley. Let’s go, bitch.” Eye roll. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here Katya. I’m boooored. You know Pearl dropped the tour?” An insistant flower of anger tugged at Trixie’s throat as she finally reached the backstage area. “Hey someone, can I get a Fireball?” So Violet had known since that morning. Katya was supposed to be Trixie’s comedy partner. They could’ve arranged something. Thrown together an impromptu UNHhhh. Knocked something up to completely eclipse everyone else. To be honest with herself, she’d had been feeling a little overshadowed on the tour. So many gigs and dates had left her little time to work on anything new, so she’d fallen back on Candy Man and a guitar piece from one of her more popular recent songs. Everyone laughed a little flat at her jokes, they’d heard them a thousand times before on social media. And Katya was this.. this catalyst of unpredictable humour, like some explosion of random parts of a thousand cultural references and bit-parts mashed through her perfect set of teeth. She was always, always a surprise. Her stupid goofball humour reached into Trixie and yanked out the best parts of her. Framed them in the spotlight. Made her so cuttingly funny, every joke landing like an old classic, met with shrieks of laughter.  Trixie and Katya the Comedy Duo were a force, and they could outshine absolutely anyone. “Here you go,” Toby showed up out of nowhere, slipping a glass of whiskey into her hand. “Straight up, on us.” “Thanks.”

Two hours later, her buzz was still going strong as she sat down to take off her makeup.  Her performances had gone well, met with a level of appreciation and such a genuine response from the fans that she was left a little humbled. This was what it was about, right? Being an entertainer.  Trixie lifted the heavy wig off her head and let out an enormous groan.  “Suck it up, queen.” Bianca slid down into the chair next to her, quickly touching up her lipliner with an expert eye. “At least you can go to bed. I’m on meet and greet for an hour.” “I’m not going to bed yet girl. Have you seen Katya?” Bianca glanced round and lifted a finger to point at the sky. “What do you think?” Oh yeah. The familiar trap beat opening of Same Parts filtered through the doorway, met with the deafening roar of the already-energised crowd. As Alaska piped up across the room about how much in royalties Katya must have earned for Tatianna, Trixie suddenly remembered her phone. She swiped it on and opened her messages.

From: Katya i’m booked with you!

From: Katya see you tonight

From: Katya lets do a double? I’ve got some new material

From: Katya call me call me

From: Katya deb?

From: Katya see you soon mama

The five mixed drinks Trixie had consumed since reaching the venue quickly welled up in her throat as she suddenly felt regretful about those nasty little thoughts she’d haboured about her friend. Poor Katya, she’d tried to get in touch. She was actually such a good person. And this momentary feeling of elation definitely has nothing to do with feeling jealous before. Jealous of what? I mean it’s normal to want to spend time with Katya. But Violet draping herself on her is so fucking gross. Give me a chance to talk to her.  Trixie suddenly felt a pang of nostalgia for their Australia tour. They’d shared the limelight 50-50 and had spent a couple wonderful days and nights goofing off so far from the usual routine of the big US tours. It’d been so great. Katya’s great. Where’s Katya? Katya’s on stage. Katya’ll be out soon. Katya’s sleeping on the bus tonight. Trixie paused her thought train to sweep her towering pile of black-smudged facewipes into the trash. She quickly slid out her contacts, dumped everything into her bags and shouldered the lightest. Toby, who’d been texting in the corner, immediately jumped to his feet and started ferrying her cases out to the back.  “See you on the bus boo,” Violet piped up, quickly taking down her hair. Alaska was sprawling next to her, texting frantically. No reason to stay here.  Trixie nodded and zipped up her jacket, heading out into the cold air. A pair of fans beyond the fence about forty feet off spotted her and started howling her name, so she gave them a little halfhearted wave before climbing up into the bus. She felt pretty drunk, still. It’d be a shame to waste it.  “SHOT.” “Oh my god.” As her heart returned to normal, Frank the tour manager slid a shot glass across the table. It was still smudged with Aja’s lipstick.  “This is my last night. Pete’s taking over tomorrow.” “Where are we going next again?” “Houston, then Austin.” “And after?” “Tulsa.” “Mhmm.” Trixie skulled the shot and winced. “That’s me for the night.” “No way, everyone’s doing a round when they get on board.” “Well Katya won’t.” “Oh right, I forgot. Was she like an alcoholic before?” “No. She just has an addictive personality and she doesn’t want it. She’s not really into doing things unless it’s a super serious blackout, yknow?” Frank whistled quietly. “Must be tough. You know a lot about her.” Trixie shrugged. “Well, we spend a lot of time talking.” “Do you ever run out of things to talk about?” “No.” Trixie ran her fingertip around the rim of her shot glass. She felt herself click into an automatic Talk-About-Katya mode. It was pretty familiar - she’d probably mentioned her comedy partner in 8/10 interviews. “She’s so funny. I’d marry her if it’d ever actually work between us. But you have to be attracted to someone before you’d want to spend that amount of time with them.” She paused for a second to think. “Either that, or not attracted to them at all. That’s why we get on so well.” Frank reached out and took the glass from between her fingers. “So you’re saying you’re completely 100% platonic?” “I mean..” Trixie started to hear the vague chatter of a few of her tourmates as they approached the bus. “Katya says attraction’s a spectrum. Like it’s such a fluid thing that changes from day to day. There’s definitely times when she’s into me sexually.” The alcohol loosened her lips for a moment. “I liked her too, at first. But I had a boyfriend and the shooting schedule was so intense, we weren’t really allowed to talk in private cause they wanted to film everything. So nothing ever happened.” “Right, yeah.” Frank leaned back to glance out of the window at the approaching queens. “But nothing after it wrapped?” Trixie shrugged. “I mean I definitely liked her. You can’t not like her. But we work so well as business partners that I never let anything happen between us, so I guess..” She shrugged. “That whole physical thing just died out. For me, anyway. I’m all or nothing, emotionally.” Pandora’s face appeared through the doorway, followed by Michelle. “She isn’t much for romance, though. As you could guess.” “Who?” barked Michelle, sliding in next to Trixie. She reached out and took one of the shot glasses Frank had finished refilling. “Who are we talking about?” “Katya.” “Ohh.” Downing the vodka with an expert flick of the wrist, Michelle pulled out her phone and immediately started to text. “The whole Ross-Rachel thing. Don’t you ever get tired of talking about it?"  Trixie shrugged. "It’s pretty good for business. It can get weird though.” She leaned forward. “You know fans write stories about us getting together?” “Mm-hmm.” “They’re elaborate, too. There’s this whole demographic of underaged girls that want us to get together. I don’t get it at all.” Michelle glanced up. “Honey, it’s obvious. Everyone needs a lovestory to believe in. Writing it makes them feel like a part of it.” “You’re right.” “WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW.” Katya’s familiar sex-noise echoed out from her parted grinning lips as the blonde queen burst onto the bus with Violet quickly in tow. “Drinks, ladies? God, I’m so hot. Is there a shower here?” Michelle gestured towards the rear of the coach.  “Help yourself. Use one of the guest towels on the shelf.” “Thanks mama. Nice doing business."  As she swept past the table, Katya glanced down at the line of shot glasses and grabbed one. She slid it over to Trixie before anyone could react and winked. "Trixie’s having mine.” “No, girl. I’m about to be passing out.” “Wouldn’t be the first tiiiime,” Katya half-sang as she disappeared into the bus bathroom. Trixie slid hers over to Michelle who accepted it without comment. They locked eyes for a brief moment, and the motherly brunette gave a smirk.  “You like it when she pays attention to you though, right?” “Oh yeah, she’s great. She makes you feel like the only person in the world.” Violet dropped her phone on the table and slid in next to Michelle. “Oh yeah,” she laughed. “And I’m gonna make HER feel like the only person in the world tonight.” Trixie suddenly snapped into focus. “Wait, yeah. Where’s she sleeping? All the beds are full.” “With me!” Violet rolled her eyes. “Duh. Literally. Literally!” “Yeah, we get it.” Frank broke into the conversation. “You want to fuck him. But not on this bus. Everyone needs sleep and you can hear everything, you know that.” “Shut up, Frank.” “No, he’s right.” Trixie spun around to face Violet, head swimming slightly. “I need to sleep this off, girl. You and Katya can fuck as much as you want, but not in your bunk. It’s above mine, and you know I hate noise like that.” Violet shrugged. “Fine. I’ll get a hotel in.. Where are we next?” “Austin.” “No, Houston. And you can’t, we have to get across to Austin by lunch. We’re driving all night.” “Fuck, I’m never getting laid.” The chat subsided into casual remarks about the evening, but it was always crazy how much everyone loved to talk about Katya. Trixie absentmindedly chewed a fingernail as she tried to understand her friend’s intense charm. It’s like people just wanted to experience her through conversation. Like even if she wasn’t around, she was on people’s minds. She’d even won over- “Alasssssssssssska!” Violet hooted, as the sleepy-eyed queen stepped onto the bus. “Bitch c'mere, we’re toasting Fred. Frank.” “Coming purple monster,” Alaska replied in her gutteral vocal fry. “Were you waiting for me?” “You wish girl. Here.” “Thanks girl. Where’s Kattie sleeping tonight?” “In with me,” Trixie blurted suddenly. She wasn’t taking the chance of Katya and Alaska hooking up. Everyone had half been expecting it since their Aspen snapchats and resulting intense fast friendship. Since those stupid Pure commercials they’d been talking on the phone a lot too.  Katya had a theory about separation of sex and soul. She’d gone into great exploratory detail a few times: wild-eyed, arms waving happily as she burned through cigarettes and spilled thoughts from that great endless mind of hers at a million miles an hour. She loved the idea of anchorless love. She couldn’t see it as a minefield, or anything but a way to tie everything together. She wanted to have sex with the entire world. But sort of with her heart. And brain. And dick. Anyway, she insisted that a successful business partnership could happen even when you were sleeping together. But not with feelings involved - she’d put her foot down about that immediately.  Trixie couldn’t separate emotions and physicality like that. She meant it when she said all or nothing. But maybe Alaska would give Katya what she wanted, and they’d be the next hot new comedy pairing. Maybe that’s what Katya was after. And now she was heading back down the aisle of the bus, makeup gone, towelling off her short blonde hair in a pair of black shorts and a Tshirt that said сука.  “Hiiieee,” she grinned. “What’d I miss. Oh, we’re driving.” Several of the queens around the table turned to check that yes, the bus had smoothly pulled out and was now making its way down an orange-lit road.  “Move over,” Katya squeezed onto the very full seat next to Alaska. Their legs tangled up and she fluidly threw an arm around her shoulders. “Tell me about the tour so far mama. How’s this pit of dusty rusty snakes treating you?” “Oh we’re fiiine.” Alaska dropped her phone onto the table and turned her full attention to her friend.  No one gets her away from that phone but Katya. Trixie leaned forward to join the conversation, but became suddenly aware her head had seriously begun to spin. “Violet’s up to her her usual antics. Max has read every single book, or maybe just one long book, and Michelle’s been doing my nails. We’re nail friends. I hate this god damn bus though."  "Shit.” Alaska and Katya turned to glance at Trixie, who’d turned pale and started to sweat. “Guys, I need to get out.” They quickly made space for her to clamber towards the bathroom, where she slid the door shut and dropped to her knees by the toilet. Everything was super swimmy. Ugh.  She rested her forehead on the seat and closed her eyes. It’d pass. It was mostly the movement of the bus anyhow. She just needed a minute.

“TRIXIE!!” The barbie queen’s eyes snapped open. How long had she been asleep? She reached up and unlatched the door, and immediately Violet spilled in.  “Oh my god. Oh my god I’ve been needing to pee so bad. You fuckin asshole. Get out of here.” “Sorry girl. I passed out for a sec.” Trixie pulled herself unsteadily to her feet and navigated past her friend. She glanced at a few of the empty bunks before swinging herself carefully into her own, head beginning to pound.  “Why do I do this? Fuck.” Time to get some rest. Trixie brought the glowing dial of her watch up to her face and screwed up her eyes in hope of making some sense of the time. 1:12 AM. She’d been out for half an hour.  Down the hallway the queens were still going strong. She could hear Michelle, Aja and Alaska ribbing back and forth, Katya’s shriek of laughter rippling out from time to time. Pandora and Max were deep in conversation, but she couldn’t hear what about. It didn’t matter. Time for sleep.

Neon.

Neon green. Soft. A smoky heavy texture in the air, summer night lonely. Darkness and neon and green. Still.  Two blurry little figures.

Trixie opened her eyes properly and peered out of the window.  The bus was parked up at a gas station. The lights of the pumps were shining out into the dark, and by the edge of the clearing Katya and Alaska were sharing what looked like a joint and talking to each other quietly.  As Trixie watched, Alaska reached up to touch Katya’s arm for just a second. They had their backs turned, and Katya exhaled in a long slow stream of smoke that faded softly into the darkness beyond.  Everything was mostly silent on the bus. A few snores filtered through intro Trixie’s consciousness. She checked the time again - 3:54 AM.  And she suddenly felt lonely. That was the thing with her and Katya. The lines were so blurry they had to be made completely clear and concrete. But Katya was right - attraction was fluid. And right now, Trixie’s heart hurt with jealousy and a touch of confusion.  The way Alaska and Katya were talking in a calm, quiet way made her a little nervous, too. Alaska could cut so easily through to Katya’s more serious side, the vulnerable bit she kept hidden away for the most part. She showed it on Periscope sometimes. Trixie had watched them all.  So what if those two start doing more together? And UNHhhh gets even less of Katya’s time? Whatever they do’ll never be as successful.  She had to admit it felt great working with Katya. She loved how everything seemed to be a predictable hit; platinum star fanbase gold. Their joint videos immediately climbed to most viewed, any minute interaction on social media prized and screencapped and retweeted and obsessed over. Financially, it was a winning combo. And..  And it made her feel special being half of Trixie and Katya when the other half was somewhere nearby being loved by the whole world. Cause there was that connection. It was implied. Katya was in some very unspoken, very platonic way - mostly platonic way - a little bit Trixie’s.  Now the silent late-night duo were turning and walking slowly back towards the bus. Alaska linked arms with Katya, their movements slow and easy. Trixie stared out into the darkness, letting them walk beyond her gaze. She heard the hiss of the door, their muted footsteps as they climbed onboard. She heard their motions as they passed by her in the dark. She heard a stifled giggle as they awkwardly climbed into Alaska’s bunk. She closed her eyes.

It was a boiling hot summer’s morning, Trixie’s mouth was stuck shut, and her eyes felt like little fireballs. Ugh fuck, Fireball.  For the past twenty minutes she’d been willing herself to get back to sleep, but it wasn’t coming. She was still her in sweats from the night before with the bus heating up pretty fast in the baking morning sun. She needed a shower. Swinging one leg out of the bunk, she suddenly realised she’d slept in her shoes. Great. Mess. She kicked them off and padded quietly into the bathroom, careful not to disturb the other sleeping queens. A glance at her watch showed it to be 7 something AM.  She quickly pulled the door shut and shed her clothes, stepping into the stream of lukewarm water with relief.  What a rough night.  Was it?  She cycled through the events from the evening before as she soaped up. That gas station scene had felt like a dream, but Katya’s absence in her bed was all too real this morning. Maybe this was it. The start of a new comedy partnership. One that didn’t involve her. What kind of stuff would they make? Probably something arty. They’d make fun of high concept fashion ads from the 90s and thrill the New York crowd to death. She could see why it’d be funny, too.  Trixie turned off the water and started towelling off as she began to think about her own performance for the coming evening. Maybe a Dolly Parton song to change things up a little. She still needed to check out that stupid country song book. She stepped into a fresh pair of boxers and pulled a shirt over her head. Clean clothes felt amazing. Stretching felt super good, too - even though the little bathroom was too small to really get a good reach. She stepped out into the aisle and tossed her dirty clothes on top of the full laundry basket, reaching out to steady herself as she swung her body into her bunk and dropped down straight on top of Katya.

“WHAT the fuck?” Trixie rapidly hushed her voice as the little queen giggled, squirming underneath her weight. Above her Violet gave a grumpy moan and kicked a foot out into the alley. “You scared me motherfucker,” Trixie hissed. Katya extracted herself and rolled towards the window, squishing herself up against the cool glass. She rested her head on one hand and struck a jaunty paint-me-like-your-french-girls pose. “Hi mama. Miss me?” “No. Where were you? I thought you were supposed to sleep in here last night.” Katya shrugged. “Was I? I slept in with Alaska. I mean I didn’t really sleep. She takes up all the room. Can we cuddle?” Trixie extended an arm without comment and Katya immediately swung her head up into her neck. It always felt so easy. An arm snaked over her stomach and Katya’s little bony hand tucked itself lightly under her hip. “MMmm.” “Shhh.” Trixie felt her friend sneak a knee over hers, pushing in between her legs.  “Let me in mama. Let me in, I’m not gonna try anything. Promise. I just want to sleep.” “No!” “Please? Are you sure?” “Katya.” “Mmmm. Mmm-mm.” “Katya.” “Mmmmm.” “Fine. But you’re gonna sleep and I’m too awake now. I need music. Do you have any?” Without a word, Katya reached into the pocket of her shorts and yanked out her phone, white earbuds tightly wrapped around it. She plopped it on her friend’s chest and rested her hand just below, fingertips in the dip between Trixie’s ribs. Trixie’s neck tickled as she inhaled happily. “You smell good, mama.” Trixie didn’t reply. With one arm around Katya she was finding it tricky to unwind the headphones, lifting the wires as the phone tumbled over onto her chest. It thwapped Katya’s fingers, the little queen mumbled in protest and moved her hand lower down. Halfway onto Trixie’s stomach. And then a touch lower.  “Katya.” “Mmmmmm.” She shifted her weight and slid her knee fully between Trixie’s legs. Their bare thighs settled tightly together, skin to skin. It might have been her imagination, but for a very brief second Trixie felt a completely unexpected twinge.  Fuck, not now.  “I’m not trying anything.” “You better not.” “Mmm. Night.” A moment passed before she felt the subtle shift of Katya’s body relaxing. She always fell asleep immediately. It had been a relief last summer when they’d stayed together, Katya aggressively hitting on Trixie in an effort to culminate their friendshp. Nothing had happened beyond a similar snuggle close to how they lay now, tangled up in a warm embrace. Attraction is such a spectrum. Trixie was pretty sure Katya wasn’t into her at the moment. But you never knew, she never clung at all. No signals. Her thigh, between my thighs.  Trixie needed a distraction. It was biological, right? A response to stimulation. It’d been a long, long time. She tucked an earbud into her left ear and swiped the phone on. It was locked. Katya was already snoring, and her hand was too awkward to tease a finger onto the home button.  Stuck with your crazy Russian musical soundtrack, or whatever. Or t.A.T.u. Or the background white noise track of a meat packing plant or something, you little weirdo. She pressed play from the lock menu. A surprisingly pretty muted synth track flooded her ears. Far off echoed drums. A slightly tuneless Swedish-sounding voice, breaking from odd melodics to soft whispers, phasing between uncomfortable and really beautiful as the chords shifted. This was so Katya. Nothing was ever straightforward. She looked for the odd in everything.  Everything came together. Trixie turned her head to rest her chin on Katya’s warm forehead, eyes half focused on the gold fields rolling past the window. She felt their bodies together, locked tight. Watched the light play over their skin. Their breathing had subconsciously synced, and she spent a few minutes zoning out into the way their chests rose and fell together. She could see Katya’s heartbeat pulsing along the golden skin on the back of her hand. She thought about their skin contact. Katya and Alaska would never snuggle like us. But if they start working together all the time, it’s pretty much the end of us.  At least.. in a business sense.  She knew she was being ridiculous. But she always leapt to conclusions. It was just her mind. Katya mumbled softly in her sleep, pushing her face a little closer into Trixie’s neck.  At least now, even if only for now, Trixie had her friend’s body wrapped up in her arms. She wondered if there’d ever be an event horizon - a moment where Katya’s phenomenal fame kept growing and she drifted away, just out of reach. Didn’t have time for filming. Couldn’t return calls. Didn’t text back. She’d expected that thought to trigger some kind of business plan in her head. A way to make it work. A plot to keep filming and collaborating on everything that kept their duo going. But instead, Trixie was surprised by how strongly her chest opened up and a wave of intense attachment rushed out, threatening to overwhelm her. Her fingers tightened imperceptibly on Katya’s skin.  Don’t go. She bit her tongue to clamp down on that thought, but feelings were hitting her. Hard. No, something else was hitting her.  She glanced down. The crotch of Katya’s shorts had begun to bulge, pressed lightly against Trixie’s thigh. She glanced at Katya’s eyelids and found them still firmly shut, the queen apparently deep in sleep.  Ugh, shit. What do I do now?  The strength of her recent unspoken realisations were enough to deal with at the moment. She definitely didn’t need any physical complications. She should push Katya off her and demand some space. Wake her up. Reestablish those boundaries.  Except.. The blonde queen had started to grind down slowly against her thigh, and for some reason Trixie couldn’t stop staring at the hardening bulge between her legs. Her heart began to pound. Her body began to respond. She could feel the blood starting an inevitable rush downwards, a familiar tingle growing faster than she’d like.  They’d sort of done this before, one time. An intense snuggle, some slow grinding. Katya called it frottage. Trixie thought that sounded like a kind of cheese. She’d cracked a joke and they’d broken it off, Katya rolling quickly off the couch to go find a cigarette. That was before David, before Palm Springs, when they’d had to shut anything like that down due to the budding new relationship. Trixie would be lying if she hadn’t briefly wondered about what would’ve happened in its place. What might have happened one of those vacation nights, maybe after their naked photoshoot.  But that was then, and this was now, and honestly she was starting to lose focus on anything but the now-visible outline of Katya’s erection through her pants.  “Katya,” she whispered. This wasn’t going to happen while anyone was asleep. She felt the queen’s eyelids open sleepily.  “Mm?” This is it. Do or die.  ..Fuck it.

“Come here.” Heart pounding, she took Katya’s hand from her chest and moved it slowly downwards, inch by inch, until Katya’s fingers were just about to brush the rise of her swollen boxers. She lifted her hand away and held her breath as the blonde queen paused for a moment.  And then, without comment, Katya dropped her fingertips lightly onto the shaft of her hard dick. As jolts of electricity pounded through Trixie’s body, Katya began to trace the outline of her erection, moving slowly with two probing fingers before sliding her whole hand over and around her girth, glancing up to meet Trixie’s eyes. “You were right, mama.” “What?” Trixie whispered, caught off-guard. “About the size. I didn’t believe you. You’re big.” “I tol-” Trixie’s breath caught suddenly in her throat as Katya tightened her grip. She began to squeeze with a little more pressure, grinding herself harder against Trixie’s leg.  “You’re too big for me. But maybe I’m right for you.” Trixie felt Katya’s free hand slide down to her hip, pulling her insistently onto her side to face her. She felt her fingers begin to tug her boxers down, the other hand still slowly moving up and down her dick with the kind of pressure that felt unbelievable through the material. It was too much. And then she was free, and Katya’s fingers were sliding around her shaft, and Katya was pushing her own pants down with a quick movement from her spare hand.  “Touch me,” she whispered, bring her lips up to Trixie’s. The skin was barely grazing, and Katya kept it that way. Trixie could smell her. Could almost taste her. Her lips started to ache, anticipating their kiss. Katya read her mind, and reached out for her hand. “Touch me first.” Trixie complied, letting Katya guide her down to her dick. She felt the warm skin touch her fingertips, and before she had a moment to think she’d already wrapped her hand around the girth of it, eliciting a tiny moan from Katya. They began to pump each other slowly, the hot breath between their lips mingling as they tried to stay silent. Trixie could feel herself melting into the sensation, her eyes closing in the warm sun, disappearing completely into the way her heart wrapped about Katya’s touch. She leaned forward to break the desperate tension but Katya leaned back, just out of reach. “Not yet.” “Katya? Where’s Katya?” Shit. Frank. Fuck.  Trixie opened her eyes to meet Katya’s blue-eyed surprise.  “Oh shit.” Trixie quickly scooted over to the bunk curtain, tugging her boxers up with one hand and pulling her shirt down with the other. She had no idea why she felt so guilty, but the way Katya was grinning made her jump all over. Now she could see Frank, barefoot and sleepy-eyed, some papers in his hands. “She’s here. What’s up?” “She has to sign these insurance forms. I should’ve had her do it last night but I need her to do it now before we cross state lines.” “I’m coming.” Katya finished buttoning up her shorts and propped herself up on one elbow. “I’ll be there in a sec.” “I’m leaving them on the table.” Trixie glanced over and watched as her newfound crush checked her pockets for her cigarettes. She finally found the crushed pack and teased one out, sliding it between her lips with a little smile. “Hey, do you know I bought those for you?” Trixie whispered. Katya flashed her a look of surprise. “Well.. I paid for them.” Made sense. Katya pulled the cigarette from her mouth and leaned in towards her.  “Do you want a small kiss, mama?” Fuck yes. But maybe..  “Tonight.” Gotta maintain some boundaries. A flash of a grin, the tiniest linger of her hand against Trixie’s chest as she clambered over her, and Katya was gone.  Trixie knew she wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t her style. But they had one more night to figure it out.

It was the second longest leg of the journey, a boiling hot summer’s morning, and Trixie was writing a song.

#trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #trixya #smut #tw alcohol #tw drugs #tw swearing #toki #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant #this could happen