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lovejosephquinn · 1 year

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Since it’s getting closer to that time of the year, do you think you could write something about Joe during the Christmas season? It could be something fluffy like decorating the tree and baking sweets during your first Christmas together OR possibly something a little more spicy with the idea of Joe playing Santa and it goes along with the “Santa Baby” song ?

I’ll let you pick which one you want to do bc I’d be happy with either scenario! You always do such a wonderful job so whatever you write I know will be amazing 🤎 (I wouldn’t be opposed to you somehow combining both ideas into one if you wanted lol)

I love this 👀 oh my goodness. I changed it round to fit a particular silly Joe being his chaotic self. Mainly fluff 😋

Are you readyyyyyyy

Thank you for your request angel x

You were both covered in glitter and excess tinsel, you'd just finished decorating the house and practically yourselves. Your first Christmas in your new home together was officially beginning.

It was December 1st, Joe insisted you'd go out and get a tree together today and that you did, the biggest one you could possibly find. You'd bought all new decorations for it, lights, stockings, baubles, a wreath for the front door, the lot.

You watched Joe have arguments with the tree at least half a dozen times, saw him yell at the Christmas lights when they tangled themselves together, getting himself mangled in them in the process, give up with them twice and then go straight back to them pointing his finger and threating them to go in the bin if they wouldn't cooperate and then give the baubles a little telling off from the carpet when he didn't hang them properly on the tree. Within 20 minutes you'd given up helping because he'd rearrange anything you decided to do anyway.

He decorated you with the left-over tinsel after whilst you were snuggled with a blanket and a hot chocolate, watching the comedy sketch that was your Joey and decorations, wrapping it around you like a scarf, round your head like a bandana and even having the idea of cuffing you to the bed with it.

You hung the matching stockings on a bookshelf because you didn't have the fancy fireplace they have in movies and Joe was determined that he picked you up to place the star on top, informing you that this part was your job, giggling like a child throughout. He left turning the lights on till last, holding the switch and making you count from 5. "It's not the Trafalgar Square light switch on Joey."

"You're wrong, it's the Y/L/N / Quinn switch on." Joe beamed at you.

"5..." He began to count, gesturing his hand to you to continue the countdown.

You rolled your eyes, sitting on the edge of the armchair and shaking your head at the silly boy in front of you, you loved how much effort he'd truly wanted to put into this and knew he was a huge fan of Christmas, so you humoured him.

"4. 3. 2. 1." Joe flicked on the switch and the whole of the living area along with the tree lit up beautifully. "Tadah!" Your eyes sparkled gazing around the room and Joe quickly darted over to you, lifting you up from where you sat spinning you around and giving you a sloppy peck on the lips. "It's Christmas, baby!"

You giggled at his elation. "It sure is, my love."

He put back down to your feet and cleared his throat for the final display of spirit. "Alexa, play Christmas music."

The device obeyed and began to play Santa Baby.

Joe pushed you to the seat, giving you the most awful lap dance, shaking his hands about in the air and shimmying his shoulders around whilst putting on the worst Kyle Minogue impression you'd ever seen; making you cry into fits of laughter

"You're crazy, Joseph Quinn."

"Crazy about you, maybe." He stuck his tongue out at you, slipping into the armchair next to you in which you adjusted yourself to sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. "So, Y/N, have you been a good girl this year?"

"That all depends on what you're referring too." You placed a soft and gentle kiss on his cheek, making his already rosy features go pinker. His mouth fell forward when you pulled back catching your bottom lip with his teeth. "Oh no, this pretty girl's a bad elf."

"A bad elf?" you couldn't take him seriously, his straight-faced nod provided all of his theatrical training in that second. You creased at Joe, his stature quickly changing when the song was ending, quickly placing his forehead to yours, as sexy as he was trying to look you were cringing at his vague attempts to make the song sound flirtier than it was.

The words that fell out of your mouth next before you could even think them through made you internally vomit, and you couldn't help but practically bark in his face when you did.

"If I'm a bad elf then you'd better spank me, Santa."

Joe's head threw itself back in amusement, his eyes squeezed shut from the burst of loud laughter, he'd never heard such a thing from you before, the worst part was as awful as it was, he'd be in complete denial if he said it didn't slightly turn him on a little bit.

"That was quick for you, love. Oh my god." He couldn't stop laughing, his head raising back forward to you, tears practically streaming from his big brown eyes. It was your turn to play the poker face now and his laughing quickly stopped when you showed the impassive look.

"Wait, are you serious?"

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to tie me up with tinsel earlier."

He pouted his lips at you, as if the thought had slipped his mind. It hadn't. His heated face turned into a devilish smile.

"Then looks like both our wishes are going to come true tonight." you smirked back at him, ready for whatever happened next.

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sarahowritesostucky · 4 months

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Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Steve x Bucky

Tags: ptsd, trauma recovery, kink negotiations, fetishes, fantasies, body modification, objectification, degradation, self-harm, destructive sexual urges, heavy bdsm, bondage, 24/7 D/s, dom Steve, sub Bucky, sadism, masochism, castration fantasy, dark comedy, oddly sweet relationship dynamics (idiots in love)

Summary: Steve and Bucky reach a compromise, but Bucky's got "some work to do" to prove to Steve that he deserves his treat.

🖤Disclaimer: Nobody gets castrated or otherwise body-modified in this fic, okay? It's Steve and Bucky, kink negotiating and sceneing w/ regards to Bucky's very strange fantasies.

Wait! I haven't read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 yet!

Part 4 - Back to that Morning, Months and Months Later, When Steve Finds Out What Bucky Wants to do to His Dick:

Bucky sits on the floor and chews his lip with big eyes, staring down at Steve’s phone. The options he’s currently salivating over are all piercings. Specifically, genital piercings—something he’s gone googly eyed over for a long time, now. Steve’s finally worked up the nerve to consider it, and he’s giving Bucky options because:

1. He really does adore him and just wants to make him happy in every possible way. 2. He needs to positively reinforce Bucky’s streak of expressing his wants and asking permission for things. 3. He knows that Bucky getting in a car crash and losing his dick isn’t a realistic fear. 4. He’ll be forever–ever–ever grateful that Bucky did not sneak off and get his nuts removed, way back when.

Bucky grips Steve’s phone and swipes back and forth between all the pictures, looking like Christmas is about to come early.

“Jesus,” he mutters, and Bucky’s eyes flick up to him, amused, before returning to the phone. Steve fights not to fidget. “So … Which one do you like?” he asks, anxious about it. In the seventy or so years since he went into the ice, humanity has devoted—in Steve’s opinion—far too many of its collective brain cells to inventing a myriad of ways in which to stick needles in dicks. Human beings are remarkably creative, remarkably fucked up creatures. Steve’s in love with exhibit A.

He sits there and watches Bucky’s reactions, wary of the fact that he’s probably going to choose the most extreme option. Suddenly, Steve wishes he hadn’t given him all the choices. “Um,” he clears his throat nervously. “I like the fourth one. In terms of, ah, aesthetics.” Bucky looks up at him, and Steve nods. “Yeah. That one’s … that one’s my favorite” (‘favorite’ is a loose term here — it doesn’t involve sticking a needle through the head of one’s dick, so: ‘favorite’).

Bucky surprises him by agreeing right away, but then he gets a devious look on his face and amends, “Oh, but maybe I could do a couple of ‘em.”

“What.”

“Yeah! Like number one and number four,” that’d be fun. Bucky grins and snickers about it. “Shit. I’ve never been so glad my ma kicked the mohel out.”

Steve cringes as he’s hit with an odd combination of mental images—freshly circumcised babies and Bucky’s grown-ass dick, pierced to smithereens. “We can talk about it,” he says, voice coming out a little weak.

You look like you’re gonna throw up,” Bucky observes dryly.

“Yeah well. What can I say? I don’t feel the urge to go poking holes in myself.” Steve shakes his head as Bucky just continues to smile placidly. What has he gotten himself into? he wonders, amused. Oh well, at least he’s gotten Bucky off the idea of stuffing freaking pearls into his dick. He holds his hand out for Bucky to give him the phone back, then slides it into his pocket with a sigh when he does. “Get up,” he orders, loving and long-suffering. “Go pick out a pighole and lie face down on the bed. You’ve got a lot of work to do if you want me to take you out this weekend for any one of those god awful—”

“This weekend!?!” Bucky all but shrieks. He jumps to his feet and shouts, “Steve! I love you!” then scampers away to go get his pighole.

About an hour later:

Steve pulls back with a gasp, too close to the edge to risk staying inside, and wanting to stave it off. He kneels back in the sheets and looks down to where he just had his cock buried. The obscene gape that greets him makes him groan and curse lowly. “Fuuck. Look at that.” He can actually see his previous two loads, pooled deep up in Bucky’s ass, because Bucky’s got the pighole in and it’s holding him open and making him into the easiest, most useful fuck-object Steve could ever want to put his dick in. “Such a good cocksleeve, honey,” he praises, because he knows Bucky loves to hear shit like that (and, okay, maybe Steve doesn’t exactly hate saying it either).

True to form, Bucky groans and squirms, not moving from where Steve’s got him ass up and face down on the bed.

Steve grips himself hard, staring into that filthy abyss. “God.” He taps the length of his dick against the rubber rim of the plug, where it’s all but turning Bucky into a fleshlight for his enjoyment. “Wish you could see this, Baby. Fuck. Mmm.” He squeezes his dick, presses the head hard against the lip of the plug and watches as precum oozes out over black rubber. The sight takes his breath away. “Jesus,” he curses quietly, licking his dry lips. “I don’t think I’m even gonna put it back inside, you know that? M’ just gonna jerk off right here, like this.” He works his hand in a tight ring underneath the head of his cock. “Put it in you that way. Won’t even have to aim much, will I? Mm mn. You’re so fuckin’ open.”

He jerks off a little more while staring at Bucky’s wide open asshole, only pausing when his balls give another dangerous spasm, threatening to end his fun. He gathers saliva in his mouth while he waits it out, aims and lets it drip down to join the white of his cum. “Holy shit,” he whispers, watching it hit the pighole and slide in. “Oof, buddy, you’re killin’ me.”

“M’not even doin’ anything,” Bucky rasps, in something that might’ve been sass, if he wasn’t so far gone already.

Steve scoffs and grips an asscheek while he jerks himself, fingers digging into the fat and muscle, then lets go and watches his fingermarks fade from white, to pink, to nothing. He can’t stop himself from smacking it, then, swatting his entire handprint onto one cheek and watching it jiggle. “Best ass in the western hemisphere,” he murmurs. “Should smack it cherry red.” Not that it would last, but he knows Bucky would appreciate it.

He says as much, making a dumb, happy noise into the bed where he’s bent over in front of him. Steve smiles. He grabs the bulge of Bucky’s balls and his caged cock, drawing the handful back between his thick thighs. “And how’re we doin’?” he asks cheerfully, giving Bucky’s collective junk a shake. With his dick kept soft (or mostly soft, anyways) inside the cage, Steve can’t gauge it as well as he otherwise could. All he has to go on are Bucky’s moans and shivers and how fucked out he’s acting. With the plug in, Steve doesn’t even have the feedback of his asshole clenching and fluttering around him—sex toys don’t squeeze back, after all.

A glance down shows that his balls are pulled up tight, but Bucky’s always super responsive like that. Steve swats them harshly a few times while he gives himself another slow, tight stroke. “Fuck,” he whispers, eyes sliding covetously over the gorgeous slope of Bucky’s back. He wants to run his hands all over that smooth, tanned skin; wants to savour it and drag his lips everywhere he goes. He wants to dig his fingers into those fat hips and fuck in and in and in, until the backs of his eyelids go technicolored and he’s emptied of everything he has to give.

But he’s already done that twice in the past hour, so he’s trying to stave it off.

“Sir,” Bucky croaks, voice muffled from where his head is turned on the mattress, metal fist clenched and pulling the bedsheets into his face. Unlike Steve, he hasn’t come yet. Because he’s “earning” it. He squirms restlessly, back muscles shifting under the skin. “Please, please, c’mon.”

Steve slaps his ass again, though it isn’t harsh by any means. For Bucky it’s practically a love tap. “Please what?” he goads. He spits into his asshole again, just so that Bucky can hear him doing it, and in counterpoint he speaks gently, “‘Please’ what, baby? Hm?” He waits, but Bucky doesn’t seem capable of much more than little sniveling, fucked-out sounds; ‘Sir’s, and the occasional grunt or gasp when Steve hits him. Steve smiles at the dark mop of his hair that’s covering his face, in love. “‘Please’ … what?” He sticks one finger into his hole, not touching. There’s actually enough room that he can hold it there, inside, and still not have it be touching anything. And that in itself is obscene, like he’s touching a wound, like he’s reaching into someplace that isn’t meant to ever be exposed. He can feel the heat of Bucky’s body all around. “Come on,” he coaxes, mock–sweetly. “You can tell me.”

“Nnnh.”

“What’s this nasty hole need?” he purrs. “Mm?

Bucky seems to realize that Steve’s actually waiting for an answer, and responds with a slurred string of begging: “Please … Ss-sir. You, you. I need you. I do, oh, please, I … I need—”

“I?” Steve mocks, letting go of his cock to grab both asscheeks and pull them apart. He lets another fat wad of spit drip from his mouth down to its target. “What’s ‘I’? I’m not fucking an ‘I’.”

“Oh. I … ” Bucky’s breath stutters out of him in a broken moan. “Oh, Ss-teve,”

“Aw, Sweetheart, you’re confused,” Steve coos, chuckling, voice like velvet over top of razor wire. He leans over Bucky fully—hips to ass, chest to back, forearms braced to either side of those broad and mismatched shoulders—so that he can be intimately close when he purrs, “You think I’m fucking ‘you’, Baby?”

“Mmn, ooh … nno,” he moans.

>Steve kisses the shell of his ear, then whispers, “Tell me what I’m fuckin’.”

Bucky is hazy by this point—strung out on whatever it is that fills up those nooks and crannies in his mind, those fucked-up spaces that can only be intoxicated when he’s in pain or when Steve treats him like this—so it takes him a minute. Steve can’t see his face, but he can hear him licking his lips and swallowing a couple of times, can hear him struggling as he wades through the thick soup of his own thoughts before he manages to rasp, “This hole.” He sounds high, like he’s in love, like he’s about to wither and die, or come.

Steve hums in approval and kisses the spot just in front of his ear, where he can feel the emerging dampness of sweat. Even though he’s doing most of the work, it has been a while of this: teasing and taunting, slipping in and holding still, fucking Bucky just enough to make him really start to want it, then pulling out. Steve’s balls feel like they’ve been beat up in a back alley, and he just wants to come again. He pushes back to kneeling and reaches for the lube. “Exactly right,” he praises, flicking the cap open. He proceeds to squirt a disgusting amount directly into Bucky’s ass, squeezing the bottle hard on purpose to make sure it squelches loudly. “So,” he coos, mockingly sweet and patient, “What do you think this hole needs?” He guides his cock back home, pushing in slow, the seal of the pighole creating luxurious suction and filthy noises as he buries himself in Bucky again. “Oh baby,” he groans. “Fuck. You hear that? You hear the sounds it’s making?”

“fuck”—Another one of those tiny, tight little ‘fucks’ that Steve relishes so much. Bucky’s the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen, face down and ass up on the bed, dark hair all over the pillow, floating in snot and subspace, whining and crying every time Steve isn’t actively inside his body (and even sometimes when he is). “S’it good?” he slurs, the words mashed into the bedding. Other than Steve’s name and nonsensical gobbledygook, it’s the only real unprompted thing he’s been capable of saying for the past ten minutes at least; asking Steve if he’s good, begging and pleading to be good. “Please, Steve … I’m good, m’good, ff-feels so good—”

“Shhhh.” Steve fucks in all the way and grinds his hips against the meat of Bucky’s ass. “Yes, Honey. It’s so fucking good. S’the fucking best. Best thing I’ve ever had.” He pets a soothing hand down the center of Bucky’s back as he rolls his hips in deep, hard strokes, fucking him steady again. “You’re so good at this, such a good hole for me. Doin’ exactly what you’re s’posed to do. Lettin’ me feel your insides, takin’ it all.”

Bucky sobs. “I am, I am,”

Steve hushes him. “You are, baby. Doing so well. Just gotta hold still. Just gotta be a hole n’ let me jerk it right in there. A nice, sloppy place ta’ put my cum.”

Steve changes his angle minutely and Bucky sobs and jerks in place, then he starts pushing his hips back frantically. “Oh, ohn shit … oh shit, Steve, yes, pleasepleaseplease, oh—oh! I’m gonna cum I’m gonna cum, ohmygod I’m gonna cum! Fuck, fuckfuckfuck!

Steve reaches around and cups his caged genitals, jostling them. “Yeah?” he goads, snapping his hips harder. “This gonna make you cum, honey? Just this? You sure? Just bein’ my good little thing? Getting used like a little cum dump?” Steve can feel his orgasm coalescing, gathering like a stormcloud—deep in his gut, in the base of his dick, the root of his balls. His hips slam harder as the pleasure spikes and goes molten inside him. “Ugghn!”

A high, inelegant noise sounds from Bucky’s throat, and then he’s crying and writhing, sobbing out strings of “I’m good, I’m good, I’m good!” as he falls apart.

Steve can only feel the fluttering of his orgasm deeper in, past the rubber grip of the pighole. He shoves all the way in so he can feel it ripple on half his dick, grinding furiously in–in–in and reaching his peak. He clenches his teeth and roars, hips pumping nonstop as he unloads inside Bucky for the third time in ninety minutes.

Just like always, it feels like it lasts forever and not at all. “Holy … fuck,” he eventually pants, when he’s ridden it out and is left slumped over Bucky’s back. He’s still got one hand between Bucky’s legs, holding his caged cock and balls. Bucky came while soft in the cage; Steve can feel the ejaculate wetting up his hand. He gives him another jostle, eliciting an overstimulated whine from the other man. It makes Steve smile breathlessly, and he releases him. He pats his hip. “Stay down for a minute.” Bucky makes a weak noise of no-contest as Steve pulls back and starts to clean them up.

Steve removes the pighole. He feels his dick make a valiant attempt at a fourth salute, at the sight of Bucky’s asshole winking itself closed. “Jesus. Next time I really am jerking it into you.” Next time, he wants to yank the plug out and shoot his load on Bucky’s wrecked asshole when it’s still trying to close back up like it’s doing right now. He reaches down and swipes his thumb over the stretched-out pucker, whispering “Shit.” Bucky grunts softly and then Steve’s cum is being pushed out, bubbling white and hot out around his thumb. Steve groans. He smacks him on the butt. “Stop that. You’re filthy.”

“Sure am,” Bucky purrs, smiling with his eyes closed and stretching out to lay prone on the bed.

Steve lies up against his side and lazily fingers between his cheeks, at the still-lax hole as it continues to twitch and push out cum. He lets his eyes slip closed. “You realize you just came just from being fucked, right?”

There’s a smile in Bucky's voice when he hums, “Mmhm. Sure did.”

Steve wishes he had the energy to demand anything of Bucky right now. He’d tell him to roll over so that he could inspect the cage. Instead, he just asks. “Did it feel like you got hard?”

“No,” Bucky says dreamily. “No. It kept trying and failing, and then I just stopped thinking about it and focused on you.”

Steve plays with Bucky’s hair. “Did that help you feel less …”

“Yes.” Bucky peeks over at him. “I just came from freaking sex, Steve. I didn’t think I—” his voice breaks with emotion, and he takes a steadying breath. “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that again in my life.” He sniffles, tearfully happy. “I worked right.”

Steve’s old junker of a heart gets another ding in it. He pulls Bucky in close to be the little spoon, and lies there kissing at the back of his neck for a long, long time. “You always work right, Buck. You’re always perfect. I love you.” He traces the edges of the star that’s carved into the nape of his neck, and eventually he whispers, “We’ll go to the piercing shop tomorrow.”

Masterlist

For those curious about the cock sheathes and pigholes that Steve and Bucky play with in this fic: Oxballs products

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m-jelly · 1 year

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@kenkopanda-art thank you for this perfect banner <3 go check out their page for more incredible art!

This is a little something I wanted to write after being inspired by something I saw at work today. I saw a man with a little baby and they had matching jumpers! It was so adorable I just knew Levi would do the same. So, enjoy this tooth-rotting fluff.

Baby's first show

Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader

Genre and tags: Romance, fluff, modern AU, parents, cute, dad Levi, Levi being a cute dad and husband, theatre.

Concept: You and Levi take your son to a pantomime at your local theatre and have a little fun as a family. Levi plays with his son and keeps him happy and entertained as he watches the fun play.

Information: Pantomine -a theatrical entertainment, mainly for children, which involves music, topical jokes, and slapstick comedy and is based on a fairy tale or nursery story, usually produced around Christmas. Typical things shouted are "It's behind you!" "Oh yes there was!" Lots of audience participation, warning the heroes too. Booing at bad guys. Often called Panto for short.

Tag list: @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @skittlelover69 @li-anne @nbinairyn @strawberrybunny123 @nyxiieluna @galactict3a @notgoodforlife @demonsimp6

You walked up to the box office and smiled as the Christmas music softly played in the theatre. "Two tickets for Ackerman and I should have a ticket saying baby on lap?"

The lady picked up the little box and flicked through the cards and pulled out the right ones. "First line of your address?" She smiled when you read it out. "Here you are Mrs Ackerman, enjoy the show." She looked over at your husband and smiled at the sweet pudgy baby in his arms. "What a cute baby."

You hummed a laugh. "Thank you. It's his first panto and my husband's."

Levi gave a tiny smile to the lady. "My wife is not keen on them, so this should be interesting."

You laughed. "It's all good fun." You waved to the lady. "Thank you!" You looked at your tickets. "We're on the top floor in a box so Evan and you can have your own space."

Levi blushed. "I don't need much space."

You rubbed his back. "It can be cramped in this theatre. Plus, I love my space." You walked into the bar on the ground floor. You bought two soft drinks and something for you and Levi to snack on before heading up to the top floor. "You're pouting."

Levi huffed. "You paid for the drinks and food."

You walked up the two flights of stairs to the circle. "Well, you're holding something very precious."

Levi looked at his baby boy in his cute coat and tiny socks. He smiled and kissed his son's big puffy cheek causing Evan to squeal with laughter. "My cute little boy."

You smiled and sat down as you waited for the doors to be opened. "Do you need the bathroom?"

Levi handed you Evan. "I'll go before they let us in."

"I'll look after this handsome little man." You bounced Evan up and down before giving him a blanket he loves. You gently rubbed it against his cheeks making him smile. "You sure do love soft things, huh?" You kissed his forehead and hummed. "Love you."

Evan played with your top before smiling and flopping against you. He whined a little and snuggled. You softly played with his hair and noticed people were looking over. You weren't surprised really, your little boy was adorable with cute puffy cheeks and handsome like his daddy. You also noticed Levi was turning heads as he was walking back over to you.

Levi sat and sighed. "Everything okay?"

You nodded. "Perfect."

He opened his drink and sipped. "He okay?"

You looked down at your son. "Yeah, he's good." You turned Evan around to face Levi. "Who's that?"

Levi held Evan's hand as he squealed in delight. "Hey, my little man." He leaned closer and kissed his son's forehead before kissing you. "Hey beautiful bunny."

You blushed. "Calling me that here. You'll get me all flustered."

"Good." He glanced at the doors to see they were open. "Let's go to our box and get Evan settled." Levi took his son from you. "Rest for a bit, okay? Let me take care of our little man."

You smiled as Levi took Evan and the bag. "Well, what about me? I should carry something."

"I've got it."

You only held the drinks and snacks as you followed Levi to the box. You got in first and sat on the chair before Levi sat down next to you with Evan on his lap. "You should take his coat off."

Levi unzipped Evan's coat and pulled it off his little chunky arms. He gave your Evan's coat and fixed his little jumper. "There we go."

You giggled at Evan's little grey Christmas jumper with reindeer, holy and snowflakes in a row on a band. Evan was wearing the same jumper as his daddy. You adored how Levi and Evan matched each other. Evan was a mini version of Levi and it warmed your heart.

Levi put one arm around his son's middle and massaged his tiny foot in his cute socks. "It won't be too loud, will it?"

"He'll be okay." You smiled as Evan held your pinkie in his little hand. "Hopefully he'll have fun." You put your arm around Levi. "You too."

Levi smiled and looked around as the lights dimmed. "Thank you for setting this up. It'll be a good laugh either way." He hugged Evan as the music started and the dancers got the audience to clap. Levi took Evan's little hands and clapped them together. "Clap Evan."

You giggled as Evan seemed a bit confused then laughed as he clapped along. You gasped as the music changed and the evil Queen was on talking about Snow White. You looked at Evan as he was in awe of the woman. You hummed a laugh as people booed the Queen and even Levi was in awe of it all.

Levi held Evan up so his little bent legs hung a bit and his feet touched his thighs. Levi made Evan dance along to Snow White singing with the villagers. Levi laughed a little and kissed Evan's cheek before sitting him down and letting him watch as the actors talked.

Evan looked over at you as another song played. You danced and clapped your hands for him making him giggle. Levi wiggled Evan to make him dance along too. He sat him down on his lap and watched his son shuffle around on his lap and look over at people watching the show.

Levi twisted Evan back, tickled him and blew on his cheek. "Little devil!" He smiled as Evan squealed with laughter. "Eyes on the show." He glanced down as Evan slapped his hands on Levi's before kicking his legs a bit. "You are full of beans today."

You rubbed Levi's back and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "He's a happy boy."

Levi turned his head and kissed you. "I'm a happy boy."

You giggled. "I'm glad." You looked down and smiled. "Look Evan. Can you see the seven dwarves?"

Levi lifted his son up a little so he could watch the dwarves walk past the audience and onto the stage. "That's pretty cool."

You hummed a laugh. "Right?"

Levi's eyes lit up along with Evan's as they watched the stage as the seven dwarves talked and made jokes. They left the stage as the evil Queen came back, plotted against Snow White, and sent ghosts to chase her. He smiled as the dwarves interrupted the Queen, saved Snow White, and offered their home to her.

Levi looked over at you. "Intermission?"

You nodded. "It is. Do you want the bathroom?"

Levi shook his head. "I'm good. Do you want ice cream or something?"

You took Evan from him and got out his milk bottle. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

You smiled at Levi as you fed your son. "Do you want to buy me one?"

Levi pouted a bit. "Maybe."

"I'd love one then. We'll both have one."

He got up and kissed you. "I'll get them. Does he need changing?"

You looked down at Evan. "I'll do it just in case."

"Are you sure?"

You cleaned Evan's face and burped him. "Go get the ice cream."

Levi stood by you. "But."

You grabbed the baby bag and stood up. "I can manage." You kissed Levi. "I'll be back soon."

Levi went to the seller and waited in line for ice cream as he watched you walk down the stairs to get to the nearest changing room. He fiddled with his wallet as he felt lonely without you. Levi was so attached to you and Evan. He felt confident with you and without he felt awkward.

He sighed and ordered a little pot of ice cream to share with you. He thanked the attendant and saw people staring at him. He groaned when some women giggled and whispered about him. He didn't know what to do or say to people who wanted to flirt with him. He was so desperate for you to come back with Evan.

He moved away from the women as they inched closer. He perked up as soon as he saw you walking from the stairs over to him with Evan on your hip. He moved towards you. "All okay?"

You nodded and smiled. "He did a little tinkle. We're all good now." You tickled Evan's cheek. "Isn't that right?"

Levi smiled as Evan giggled. "I'm glad. Oh, I got us ice cream to share."

"Perfect." You returned to your seat and smiled as Levi fed you ice cream. "Mm, it's good."

Levi nodded and finished it off. "Yeah, it was pretty good. I'll bin it and be right with you."

You adjusted Evan on your lap so he could see the stage. You smiled at Levi when he returned. "What do you think so far?"

Levi let out a long sigh. "Little loud, but it's not bad. It's funny, but I get why you didn't like them as a kid. All that shouting and the really bad jokes." He smiled a little. "It's pretty good and Evan is having a good time."

You wiggled Evan making him giggle. "He sure is!"

Levi took Evan from you and looked to the stage. "Oh, it's starting." He bounced Evan on his lap as the actors started dancing and singing. "Hmm."

You smiled as you watched Levi closely. You could see all the emotions he was going through as he watched. He got Evan on his lap and danced him to the Queen's evil song. He danced Evan to the comedy characters singing the Ghostbusters song and even sang along to it.

Your heart swelled up as he looked worried when the old lady offered Snow White the apple. You giggled when he looked so sad when the Prince came on after and sang a love song about Snow White. The Prince then came across Snow in the forest lying dead on a bed and was told true love's kiss would save her.

Levi chuckled when the comedy character kissed Snow White instead of the prince and began singing the love song before being told off by the other comedy character. He watched the Prince kiss Snow alive again.

Levi turned his head and kissed you. "Stay away from evil old ladies."

You laughed. "Promise." You played with the hair on the back of Levi's head. "Love you."

Levi smiled. "Love you so much." He looked back and got Evan up again to dance to the comedy character doing a Freddie Mercury tribute act with all the other actors. "That was silly, but fun."

You smiled. "You like a bit of Queen though. You were happily singing along."

Levi blushed a bit. "I know, but still it was silly."

You snuggled up to Levi. "Sure thing." You smiled as the head comedy relief actor did some callouts to people in the audience before getting everyone to sing a song with him. "I think it's just the wedding now and then we can go home."

Levi hummed and watched the stage as people started clapping the stage was set up for a wedding and people clapped. He stood up with Evan and danced a bit to the song. "One last dance, right buddy?"

You grabbed Evan's coat. "Coat time. We'll head out before everyone else."

Levi sat his son on his seat and eased him into it. "There we go little man. All cosy and handsome." He picked Evan up and smiled. "Let's go."

You nodded and carried the bag as you and Levi left before everyone else did so you could beat the rush. You looked at Evan to see him fighting sleep, but he couldn't anymore. "Bless him."

Levi looked down at his son to see him pass out. "Tired little man." He led you both to the car and placed his sleeping son into his seat. "There we go."

You put his favourite blanket in his tiny hand. "Sleep well."

Levi pressed your back against the car and kissed you passionately. "Thank you for this. I had a lot of fun and I know Evan did. We should take him to more plays and to see some singers."

You hummed a laugh. "Yeah, we should."

He held your hips and kissed you again. "I love you so much and our sweet baby boy."

"Love you too and I love Evan."

He kissed you and took the bag from you. He helped you into the car and sat behind the wheel when he was ready. "Let's head home and snuggle."

You hummed a laugh. "Can't wait."

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clairelsonao3 · 8 months

Text

5 Comfort Films

Thanks for the tag, @mysticstarlightduck, whose post is here!

Seems like everyone's doing this one today, and since I seem to be doing very little today except comforting myself after an extremely stressful day yesterday, I might as well go for it. (And maybe then I'll watch them all!)

(By the way, I'm well aware that the newest film on this list came out in 1991, and I make no apologies for that.)

Criteria: Like any top-5 style list, I had to come up with my own very specific criteria, because I'm an obnoxious, pretentious nerd. That means trying my best to include different categories -- I could easily name 5 musicals or 5 Disney movies, but I won't. So it's one musical, one Disney, one romcom, one dramedy, one straight-up farce, etc. Second of all, Christmas movies could be a category all on their own, so those are all disqualified (check back in December). Fourth, no sad endings (sorry Titanic, Moulin Rouge, and Casablanca.) Fifth, I cheated by naming a runner-up for each one that falls into the same category. Sixth... I'll shut up now. Here's the list.

The Sound of Music (1965) -- Honestly, just about any musical could probably find a spot on my comfort list, but it begins and ends with this one. Slow-burn romance, breathtaking cinematography, and arguably Rodgers and Hammerstein's greatest score make 3 hours go by like that. Even when the Nazis come on the scene you're never seriously worried anything bad will happen. Runner-up: Gigi (1958).

2. Mary Poppins (1964) -- Yes, Julie Andrews again. She herself could be a walking, singing comfort movie. There are a million Disney animated flicks that could make the comfort list, but by mixing animation and live action to perfection, this is automatically the best of both worlds. Even hearing Dick van Dyke's horrendous Cockney accent is like wrapping up in a warm blanket. Runner up: Beauty and the Beast (1991).

3. Pretty Woman (1990) -- I was probably well into my 20s before I realized, hey this isn't just a movie I watch every time it comes on TV for no reason. I actually LIKE it. It's one of those movies. The lightest, fluffiest movie about sex work ever made. A self-acknowledged Cinderella story. Runner-up: Just Like Heaven (2005).

4. The Breakfast Club (1985) -- Even though Ferris Bueller is also great and obviously the more conventional choice for a John Hughes comfort flick, I'm going to go with this one. Yes, it's a bit darker, but it's also funny as fuck, which is kind of my thing, it involves forbidden romance, which, duh, and also has a surprisingly hopeful and upbeat ending. Runner-up: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986).

5. Spaceballs (1987) -- I thought way too hard about which film should get the last spot on the list. If the musicals are rainy-afternoon-watch-with-your-mom-in-the-living-room kind of movies, this is a late-night-premium-cable-parents not-home-watch-with-your-brother-in-the-basement-and-laugh-your-ass-off kind of movie. Every time I lampshade myself in something I write (and I do that a lot) it's a nod to Mel Brooks and the classic satirical style of comedy he perfected. Runner-up: Star Wars Original Trilogy (1977 et al.) (I know, not the same genre, but it's the source material, so whatever).

Hmmm... I'll gently tag @starlit-hopes-and-dreams and OPEN TAG because I'm seeing everybody get tagged in this and I can't keep them all straight.

#comfort films #tag game #not writing #movies

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whatstruthgottodowithit · 1 year

Note

Can I request a fluffy Joe Mazzello x fem. reader long fic where reader is at Joe’s house and they are cuddled up on the couch watching a romantic movie together and they make small talk and steal glances at each other during the movie, and at the end of the movie, a guy proposes to his girlfriend and reader comments that she just loves happy endings and Joe agrees with reader and says that he hopes that tonight he gets his happy ending and reader looks at him confused and asks what he means, and Joe gets down on one knee and pulls out a velvet box and reader puts her hands over her mouth and is crying happy tears and Joe tells reader he loves her so much and asks reader if she’ll marry him?

Happy Ending

Fandom: American Actor, RPF,

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Characters: Joe Mazzello, Reader,

Word Count: 943 // Rating: Gen

Summary: A quiet night in gets a little bit of excitement

Tags/ Warnings: Requests, Requested Fic, Rom Coms, Movie Night, Chick Flicks, Kissing, Engagement, Established Relationship, Love, Proposals, Teasing, Fluff, Bridget Jones' Diary, Reader's Ring Inspo

Notes: I missed this request in my notifications but here it is! @borhapgirlforlife19

I loved movie night. It was the highlight of my week. My life was currently so hectic and so was my boyfriend’s which meant that we didn't often get time to see each other. So, as a compromise, we had decided that at least one night a week we would take for each other and spend watching movies. Sometimes we went to an actual movie theatre but mostly it was like it was

tonight. The pair of us were sitting on Joe’s couch candy and popcorn littering the coffee table in front of us as Joe poured each of us a large glass of wine. I smiled and settled back onto the sofa, placing my hand on his back and rubbing it gently. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled, ‘what?’

‘Nothing,’ I shrugged as his smile widened, ‘I just love movie night.’

‘Me too,’ he said handing me my glass and then resting back and switching the television on.

He clicked on the home screen and then into the list of movies which he skimmed through unsure of what to pick. After a moment or two, he looked at me as if awaiting for me to suggest something.

‘What?’ I said taking a sip of my wine.

‘What do you want to watch?’ he asked.

‘Hmm,’ I said, ‘I’m okay with anything.’

‘You always say that,’ he grumbled.

‘Because it’s true,’ I giggled.

‘Oh come on surely there's something you wanna watch off the bat,’ he said as he slung his arm around me, ‘this is like when you say you don't care where we eat. Now I know that's not true.’

‘Because you should know,’ I giggled, ‘okay something…romantic?’

‘Like a chick flick?’ he groaned.

‘A rom-com,’ I corrected taking the remote out of his hand and finding the romantic comedy genre. Joe groaned again making me smirk as I flicked through the long list of films. I didn't know what to pick until finally, something caught my eye and I clicked it on without a second thought.

‘Bridget Jones?’ Joe said raising an eyebrow.

‘It’s a classic,’ I said.

‘Never seen it,’ he said simply.

‘What?!’ I baulked, ‘it’s on every Christmas! It’s like a rite of passage.’

‘I don't think I’m the target audience babe,’ he chuckled.

‘Well strap in Mazzello,’ I said, ‘because you’re in for a ride.’

Joe settled down and started to watch intently. As the film rolled on I swore I could even feel him chuckling beside me at some points. I loved it. Though it hadn't exactly aged well I didn't care as I watched Bridget struggle to choose between her two love rivals.

‘I can see why she likes him,’ Joe said as Hugh Grant fell into the lake and came out soaking wet, his shirt clinging to every muscle in his body.

‘Should I be concerned?’ I chuckled.

‘Hey Hugh Grant is a good-looking man,’ Joe said, ‘I can't deny that.’

‘Maybe,’ I said, ‘I’m more of a Darcy girl myself.’

‘Oh yeah?’ he said, ‘how come?’

‘He’s sweet. As good-looking as Daniel but not arrogant with it. He cares about her,’ I said catching his eye. He was watching me with a soft smile on his face which made me blush a little, ‘actually, he’s a lot like you.’

‘Well now I gotta swap teams,’ Joe said with a laugh.

As the movie rolled on we chatted only a little. He actually seemed to be quite invested in the story and even cheered a little when they started fighting. When the movie credits started rolling I sighed and sat up so I could tidy some stuff away.

‘That was a good movie,’ he said as I moved our glasses into the adjoining kitchen.

‘I love it,’ I called as I manoeuvred around.

‘Yeah I’m glad they ended up together,’ he said.

‘Me too,’ I smiled to myself, ‘I love a happy ending.’

‘Me too. In fact, I’m hoping I get mine,’ I heard him say.

‘What are you talking about?’ I said coming back into the living room.

When I appeared back into the room I was agog. The lights were dimmer and candles lit all around the room, so many I wondered how he’d managed to do it so quickly. And there, on one knee in the middle of the room as he presented an open ring box in my direction was Joe. Glee surged through me as I rushed towards him, his smile widening.

‘Joe-’ I said feeling tears brimming in my eyes as I clapped my hand over my mouth in shock.

‘Y/N,’ he said, ‘I love you so much. More than anyone I’ve ever loved in my entire life. I wanna spend the rest of our lives together. So, if you want to…will you marry me?’

‘Of course I want to!’ I squealed. He grabbed my hand and placed the ring on my ring finger quickly before he stood up and pulled me into him, kissing me deeply. I couldn't stop smiling throughout him kissing me and when he pulled back his smile was just as big as mine.

‘I’m so happy you said yes,’ he said, tears coming to his eyes as he placed his hand tenderly on my cheek.

‘As if you could doubt it,’ I said pecking him on the lips. My gaze dropped to the ring I had paid virtually no attention to. It was a simple silver band with a large diamond that I could hardly believe was mine. I loved it.

‘Joe I can’t believe it,’ I said, ‘I’m so happy.’

‘Me too baby,’ he said, ‘me too.’

#my writing #happy ending #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello fic #joe mazzello #engagement #proposals #request #requested fics

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moorheadthanyoucanhandle · 6 months

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(CHRISTMAS) BREAK MASTER

Opening this weekend:

The Holdovers--Nobody does bitterness like Paul Giamatti. From his earliest noticeable roles, as "Pig Vomit" in the Howard Stern movie Private Parts or as a pit bull owner on Homicide: Life on the Streets, he made his mark as a vessel of bristling, eye-bugging, impotent rage, and this has carried over into his best lead roles, in American Splendor or Sideways, or even in his miniseries as John Adams.

His seething high dudgeon generally is played for comedy, but even then this great actor brings it a stinging, near-tragic undercurrent; he makes his pained ineffectuality moving. With this latest from Sideways director Alexander Payne, Giamatti gets another vehicle for splenetic, barely-contained fury and defeated disgust. It's one of his best.

The time is 1970; the setting is a blueblood boys' school in Massachusetts. Giamatti plays Paul Hunham, a brilliant, exacting Ancient History teacher. Paul is single and friendless in his personal life; in class he brims with acerbic, sarcastic contempt for his lunkheaded, entitled rich-kid students.

On the eve of Christmas break, Paul gets stuck with a miserable detail: supervising the "holdovers," the handful of students stranded on campus with nowhere to go for the holiday. Perhaps the unhappiest of this unhappy lot is Angus Tully (Dominic Sessa), a bright kid with a troubled past whose Mom has excluded him from her holiday plans with her new husband. Paul's only adult ally is Mary (Da'Vine Joy Randolph), the cafeteria manager and chef, who's in mourning for her son, recently lost in Vietnam.

It likely won't astonish you to learn that as this little group clash, and then get to know each other and their backstories better, bonding and compassion start to develop between them. Working from a script by David Hemingson, Payne shades this process carefully, generating genuine and plausible warmth without slipping into holiday-movie sentiment. Not only is the film set in 1970, Payne seems to be trying for the modest, unassuming style of a Hal Ashby or James Bridges flick of that period, right down to the opening rating card and production company logos (even the movie's trailer was crafted as a throwback to this time).

The Holdovers is perhaps a bit on the poky side; little in the story gives much urgency to the pace. But the actors bring their connections to life. Giamatti's initial bile is highly entertaining and his gradually rising empathy is touching. Tall and tousle-haired, with a look of stricken perplexity on his handsome features, Sessa has a pleasing, callow awkwardness as Angus. Carrie Preston gives the movie a lift in each of her couple of scenes as a sunny-natured school administrator. And as Mary, Randolph steers around any hint of overt pathos, and as a result makes the character heroic.

#the holdovers #paul giamatti #dominic sessa #da'vine joy randolph #alexander payne #david hemingson

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thealmightyemprex · 1 year

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Top 10 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie

Ah ,Arnold .As a kid with an action loving dad ,I grew up on a steady diet of his flicks .Some are legit great ,some are not ,but they are at least memorable

Also sorry Commando is not on here,cause I dont remember if I have seen all of it

10.Batman and Robin

Hey this is favorite list ,not best .I know this film has been trashed to High Heaven over 25 years .....But damn its got fun moments and one of them is the hilarious miscasting of Arnold as the films villain Mr Freeze .While I do maintain he is miscasted.....Arnold seems to be having fun .It is one of the only times I can think of where you get to see Arnold as a scene chewy villain ,and him hamming it up and making ice puns is kind of a joy to watch

9.Conan the Destroyer

So I wanna save my opponion on Conan the Barbarian for later ,I'll just say I like it a lot and that this films big flaw is it doesnt live up to that first film.....That said I love that this film does its own thing .THis film is basically a D&D campagn with a ragtag group of heroes : big tough barbarian ,a weasly thief ,a kooky wizard ,a badass warrior woman , a princess ,and a token evil teamate who is working for the big bad ,all on a quest where they fight wizards and monsters and so forth . Cast is fun with returning players Arnold and Mako being a ton of fun ,SArah Douglas is a great villain ,but the scene stealer is Grace Jones . Its not perfect but if your in the mood for a quest based fantasy film,this is a fun watch

8.Kindergarten Cop

....OK I might get some shit for not putting this higher ,so I just wanna say its a really good movie. It uses Arnold comedy gifts well ,big tough movie cop being a kindergarten teacher is a hilarious premise , and I like the darker aspects that offset the comedy ....So why dont I have it higher?Honestly its just not a film I seek out .EVery time I have watched it it was because it was on TV or someone else was watching it .I'm also not a comedy person in general and If I do its something either dark or absurd . Will say it is a great movie ,just not one I watch a bunch

7.Last Action Hero

Now this is a movie with a great premise that I wish it did more with ,a kid being sucked into a action movie .It sets up some idea that I wish it went all the way with .That said there are hilarious moment s (ARNOLD AS HAMLET ),a weirdly great cast (Anthony Quinn is in this thats amazing ) ,Arnolds great ,and I actually love the main villain played by Charles Dance ,who is set up as a henchmen before hijacking the main villain role

6.Jingle All The Way

OK let me explain -THis is a nostalgic Christmas movie for me ,and this is my fave Arnold comedy....Kind of BECAUSE it is so weird . You have ARNOLD ,this musclebound action man ,playing a put upon every man ,whose trying to get a toy for his kid and dealing with rageaholic reindeer ,battling a warehouse of con men Santas led by Jim Belushi ,while a lustful Phil Hartman is trying to seduce his wife and it climaxes with him becoming a superhero fighting a psychotic Mailman played by Sinbad .....This film is fucking INSANE .......I LOVE IT .I love the skeevy performance of the late great Phil Hartman and its such a weird mix of ingredients ,I dont know if its GOOD ,but I resally love this insane movie

5.Terminator

I do think this film has aged a bit,i ......But its still really good ,in fact I think that makes it unique. The film has a dingy handmade quality , like you can tell this is an unpolished not high budget film and that makes is so cool .It is also VERY 80's ..Linda Hammilton and Michael Biehn are great but the scene stealer is Arnold as the villain .ONE.OF .THe COOLEST .BAD GUYS .EVER .Arnold is weirdly perfect as a unstoppable killer robot ,and he is aided by the effects work of Stan Winston (I will bring him up a few times )

4,Total Recall

Now we get to the great movies in my oppinion . This film is both really interesting with its sci fi concept and questioning of what is real and what is a simulation .....But its also a fun action romp with one liners and Arnold kicking but galore .Also cant go wrong with Michael Ironside and Ronny Cox as your villains

3.Predator

OK these top 3 are so good I could make them a tie ,but I do have a preference.It starts off as a military action movie with big burly tough guys like Arnold,Bill Duke,Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura doing macho tough guy things.....And then you realize this is a HORROR film ,and that these big tough action heroes are being hunted as prey by a very terrifying monster . I wish more movies did genre switches like this .It s also a rare Arnold isnt the focus,the real star is monster .I swear it people,The Predator is one of the most intimidating and terrifying villains in Sci Fi and I will give all credit to not only the effects work of Stan Winston but the amazing performance of the late Keven Peter Hall ,who makes possibly the best opponent Arnold has ever faced

2.Terminator 2 Judgement Day

So if I was going by best this might be number one cause.....I cant deny it,this is an action masterpiece .It does what a sequel should and it BUILDS on the first while also being its own film .I think it might be Arn9olds best performance ,the effects both practical and CG are groundbreaking ,the action is heartpounding ,Lind Hamilton is AMAZING and while the Predator is the best villain Arnold has faced ,the T100 is number 2 for me ,theis terrifying shapshifter is just relentless

1.Conan the Barbarian

That said this is my fave . If its sequel is a D&D campagn ......This is an epic poem .The action is grand ,the set design is grand , the MUSIC is one of the best film scores ever ,and the supporting cast includes legends like James Earl Jones,Mako and Max Von Sydow ,and it does all this while telling a timeless tale of revenge .I think ,while he has better performances down the line,this is the best use of Arnold and being one of my favorite fantasy films, I had to give it the top spot

What are your fave Arnold movies

@ariel-seagull-wings @goodanswerfoxmonster @angelixgutz @amalthea9 @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa @filmcityworld1 @themousefromfantasyland

#arnold schwarzenegger

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whoovesnassistant · 1 year

Text

Skit Contest Entry 4

Muffin Machine Mayhem! - Submitted by Superchick221B

Scene 1:

*Building noises and general T.A.R.D.I.S noises.*

Derpy: Heeeeyyy Ticktock. Watcha building?

Tocktock: I am unsure.

Derpy: What does that mean?

Ticktock: *Sighs* It means I am having engineer's block… I'm building… something. But I don't know what it's gonna turn out to be.

Derpy: Do you want some ideas?

Ticktock: Not really.

Derpy: Why not? I have so so many ideas!

Ticktock: I like to-

Derpy: You can make a bunny petting machine!

Ticktock: Um-

Derpy: Or a machine that fluffs your slippers in the morning!

Ticktock: Why-?

Derpy: Or a apple pie machine. *mumbles* that actually would have come in handy a little while back.

Ticktock: Derpy I-

Derpy: Or a banana throwing machine, a clown makeup machine, a giant rubber duck machine, a silly wig machine! *Gasps*

Ticktock: Oh no.

Derpy: HOW ABOUT A MUFFIN MACHINE?!

Ticktock: *Sighs* You know what… why not? I'll build you a muffin machine.

Derpy: REALLY?!!!

Ticktock: I'm gonna regret this.

Derpy: *Squeals* Oh thank you Ticktock! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ticktock: I can't build it if you remain here watching me.

Derpy: Oh right! Come get me when your all done!

Ticktock: I will.

*Hoofsteps leaving noise*

Scene 2:

Doctor: There you are Ms. Hooves. I was taking a little stroll earlier and saw an advertisement for a play. I was thinking we could take things easy today and go see it. I love a good play.

Derpy: Ooh that sounds fun. But Ticktock is busy, we'll have to wait till later.

Doctor: Oh nonsense, I don't think he'll mind if we go without him. Besides, it's only showing today.

Derpy: Oh all right.

Scene 3:

*Background sound of Hearth's Warming eve play.*

Doctor: Hm, I sort of expected the origin of Hearth's Warming eve to be more like the history of Christmas.

Derpy: Chris-what?

Doctor: Well it's a sort of holiday where I'm… Oh never mind. Was equestria really almost called Dirtville?

Derpy: No, I think that's for comedy.

Background Pony: Shhhhh. I'm trying to watch the play.

Derpy: Sorry.

Doctor: *Muttering* It would be so much more fun if this place was called Dirtville.

*Few moments of silence with play in the background.*

Derpy: You know, the Windegos kind of remind me of that Frowlorn.

Doctor: I can definitely see the resemblance.

Background Pony: Ahem!

Derpy: Sorry… again.

Scene 4:

*T.A.R.D.I.S door closing*

Doctor: What a nice play.

Derpy: Yeah, they did a great job!

Doctor: I especially liked the stuff at the merchandise stand.

Derpy: Did you really have to buy a replica of Chancellor Puddinghead's hat?

Doctor: Isn't it magnificent?

Derpy: Uh…

*Hoofsteps*

Ticktock: I've finished the machine.

Derpy: Oh yay! *Said with relief*

Doctor: Aren't you going to ask about my magnificent pudding hat?

Ticktock: I've learned to stop questioning your headwear.

Doctor: The only thing that would make it more magnificent is if the pudding was real!

Ticktock: Derpy, I need you to input your muffin recipes into the machine real quick before I can test it.

Derpy: Okeeday!

*Typing noises*

Doctor: Do you think you could make a butter machine too?

Ticktock: No.

Derpy: All done!

Ticktock: Alright, now just let me…

Derpy: Ooh! What does this lever do?

*Lever being pulled sound*

Ticktock: Wait! Derpy! NO!

Derpy: What's wrong?

Ticktock: That lever is only for emergencies. If you're out of ingredients it will take other matter and transmutate it into muffins.

*POP*

Doctor: My chair! I loved that chair!

Derpy: Woah…That is one big muffin chair. Here, let me just flick it back before anything else turns into muffins.

Doctor: No-

*Snapping sounds*

Derpy: Oops.

Ticktock: Welp… I suggest our next course of action be to get this outside before the T.A.R.D.I.S. gets turned entirely into a muffin.

Doctor: If you had made a butter machine, I probably would not mind that.

*T.A.R.D.I.S door noise*

*POP*

Derpy: Oh my gosh! All those poor trees!

Ticktock: The machine's rate of transformation is much faster than I had anticipated.

Derpy: That's probably my fault.

Ticktock: The speed of it is growing exponentially. If we don't do something soon, the entire planet could be muffins within the next hour.

Doctor: Okay, so if I just put this here- *Sonic Screwdriver noises* and this here. *Spring flying noises.* Oops, that's not it.

Ticktock: Given the nature of Derpy's apparent partially dormant destructive magic, the possibility of fixing the machine with a simple tweak is quite low.

*POP*

Derpy: *Whining* Please tell me that wasn't a bunny.

Doctor: Alright then… that wasn't a bunny.

Derpy: Ooooooohhhhh…

Ticktock: Doctor, if we do not hurry, the entire Everfree forest will be muffins in seconds.

Doctor: That is not enough time to fix it. *More Sonic Screwdriver noises.* perhaps I can create a temporary containment field around the device.

Ticktock: That will probably be sufficient until we get it to a location that will be impacted on a much smaller level than our planet.

Doctor: Perfect! I think we can safely take it back into the T.A.R.D.I.S.

Ticktock: Where do you propose we take it?

Doctor: I'm certain I can find an uninhabited planet to dump the thing until it finally shuts down.

*Trotting, T.A.R.D.I.S door opening.*

Doctor: Are you coming, Derpy?

Derpy: That poor poor bunny. *Sniff* I'm coming.

*T.A.R.D.I.S door closing*

*T.A.R.D.I.S teleporting noise*

Scene 5:

*T.A.R.D.I.S door*

Doctor: This planet should be perfect! It is completely devoid of life that might be destroyed by the Muffin Machine, and it has the perfect atmosphere to keep the muffins from growing stale or rotting.

Ticktock: Yes it should be ideal. To bad my machine never got the chance to be used properly.

Doctor: Let's hurry, the containment field is failing.

Derpy: Where should we put it?

Doctor: Look for a clearing amongst these… trees.

*Trotting*

Ticktock: I believe I have found the optimum position to place it.

*Setting down metal noise I guess*

Doctor: That should do it. And- oh no, the containment field is collapsing.

Derpy: Does that mean what I think it does?

Doctor: Run!

*lots of POPPING*

*Running, T.A.R.D.I.S door, T.A.R.D.I.S whirring.*

Ticktock: Well that was close.

Derpy: Too bad I don't get to have any muffins.

Doctor laughing his head off!

Ticktock: I'm confused as to the source of your oddly timed laughter.

Derpy: Why do you keep laughing?

Doctor: Give me a moment to get it out of my system! *More laughter* okay… okay… whew. Derpy, remember when I told you I'd take you to a planet entirely made of muffins…

Derpy: Yeah…?

Doctor: And how we never made it there?

Derpy: Yes…

Doctor: Well I now know why the T.A.R.D.I.S could never find the planet.

Derpy: Why?

Doctor: Because I was searching for it in the past. The planet didn't exist yet!

Derpy: It didn't?

Doctor: No! We just created it! Haha!

Derpy: Amazing!

Ticktock: Fascinating. Time travel has so many attributes I had not previously considered.

Doctor: Well now, Ms. Hooves, would it be alright if I finally make good on my promise and escort you through a planet of muffins?

Derpy: Certainly!

Ticktock: If the two of you do not mind, I will remain here and study whilst you explore the newly created world.

Doctor: That is quite alright. *T.A.R.D.I.S door* Ready to gorge ourselves on muffins?

Derpy: Never been more ready!

Doctor: You know what to say!

Derpy and the Doctor: AVANTE!

THE END

#contest #doctor whooves and assistant #doctor whooves #derpy hooves #tick tock #doctor who #my little pony

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vf-thompson · 11 months

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Film Review: Midsommar Reveals the Unspeakable Horror at the Heart of Going Over to Dinner at Your Swedish Friend's House

So, this was a weird one to watch with my mom and sister over Christmas break, 2021, while i recovered with her from a tumultuous emotional upheaval in my life. You know when your anarchist food distribution network implodes on itself because of assault allegations, and then your entire life blows up from the emotional fallout because you were supposed to move in with the guy at the center of it all? No? Well, when that happens, it leaves you in the right frame of mind to suggest Ari Aster's Midsommar as a perfect bit of family bonding to watch with your death doula mother and estranged intrepid globe-trotting sister. "You guys like psychological thrillers, right?" i naively said, queuing the film up. As Mr. Aster so beautifully illustrates in this nasty little movie, there truly is no place like home for the holidays.

My first viewing of the film had been two years earlier, when i was living in a thirty-bedroom party house near a large university, which was honestly pretty similar to the sinister Nordic society that Aster dreams up here. i was myself (allegedly) on shrooms when i wandered into the living room to see Florence Pugh's simpering, miserable face, surrounded by breathing flowers.

It wasn't until later, viewing the film in full with a close friend in their room, that i realized the flowers in this movie are just f**kin' like that.

i had seen the trailers for the film, been interested, and promptly forgotten of its existence, having not yet seen Aster's previous nightmare, Hereditary. Watching it that night in my friend's darkened lair of a room, stoned to the bone while she ran torture mods on her Sims on her laptop, i was a changed woman. i was, now and forever, Ari Aster's little bitch, cursed to simp for everything the man touches until i am pushed from the top of the senior citizen high dive cliff myself.

i'll be the first to admit that Aster by no means makes perfect films. Built on the bones of classical tragedy and comedy the way they are, they are rudimentary films, hardly cerebral like his contempories Eggers and Peele. There is something almost primal about Aster's gaze. Pelle sums it up best, as he explains the function of his remote village's midsummer festival to the film's protagonist Dani: "It's like a play," he says. Indeed, as Hereditary turns a bare bones haunted house story into a Greek tragedy, this film turns the macabre pageantry of rustic European folk dancing into a basic, almost paint-by-numbers, slasher flick. The cast of mostly disposable college students are picked off one-by-one by the rural pagans. It's hardly breaking new ground here—but treading old ground seems to be Aster's primary project. The man dances on top of graves with a wicked abandon, and if you're not privy to his particular brand of self-aware theatre kid shenanigans, it can be... a lot.

My mother and my sister were, for example, less than enthralled with my gushing over the ways Aster deftly compares the base, cathartic tradition of watching a bunch of co-eds get their shit wrecked with ooky-spooky horror-fied neopagan rituals. What can i say? i thought that she, as a hospice nurse who studies death practices around the world, would think it was interesting.

At its core, Midsommar is a movie about losing all the stability in your life, and having it completely colonized by found family, like honey bees building their hive in the skull of a lion. Found family is usually a treacly trope, one which ties characters together through strength found in their shared struggled against adversity. Midsommar flips that on its head, introducing us, in a manner not unlike Disney's classic film Meet the Robinsons, to the adoptive familial unit from hell. It raises the spectre of classic daylight horror cinema like The Wicker Man, trampling on its burial mound with manic dancing feet. Family traditions can be murder. As stated, the message is blunt as a hammer. Aster is not a subtle film-maker. Indeed, the opening shot establishes the whole film, just as in Hereditary, as nothing but an elaborate puppet show where the puppets bleed. A lot. In many respects it is the same movie told over again, with Aster's dolls moved from the dollhouse to the garden outside.

Simply put, the movie is incredibly pretty, incredibly fun if you're into this kind of things, absolutely insufferable if not. The soundtrack, color-grading, and ending sequence are transcendent. When Father Odd tells Dani "Welcome home," upon arriving in the village, you will either fall for their intoxicating spell, or you'll be smart enough to get the hell out.. Either way, i recommend it heartily, and can not recommend (allegedly) dropping shrooms at the same time as the characters in the film enough.

Read on LetterBoxd HERE.

#horror #reviews #film reviews #psychedelic horror #ari aster #midsommar #social thrillers

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earlgreymon · 2 years

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enlightenmonth 2022 (@koushirohikari) [day 25-28] go out/stay in in which, at some point of their relationship, they shared a netflix subscription together because they are the true introverts/homebodies (also, because koushiro just cannot detach himself from the screen even though it's his relax time). here are some movies/series they love to watch while staying in.

koushiro: time cannot be wasted on something that is not giving any new knowledge, so documentary it is. some of his favourites are the social dilemma (the title definitely doesn't reflect him, mind you) and elon musk's return to space. he watched stuff like arrival, knives out, and da vinci code series just because they played with his mind.

hikari: she admitted that she's just like any other girls... getting dreamy while watching chic flicks. even every christmas, she doesn't mind binge-watching those low-budget, cringe-storyline-but-they-kissed-in-the-end movies just for fun. since she's more on the mainstream line, she tries to keep up with the series that's on the trending/top 10; j-drama, k-drama, you name it. one of her favourites was start up because she got koushiro to watch with her every week. also, due to her job, she sometimes watched the kids' shows to follow the children's trend.

tentomon: huge fan of marie kondo after finishing the whole season in one day; he applied ALL of her suggestions to clean up the house and will get petty if someone messed up with his very-neat foldings. sometimes will watch food documentaries and then tells kae about a recipe that seems good to cook. just like his partner, also love documentaries, especially those about nature. david attenborough's were constantly on the list. also, sometimes joins hikari and tailmon to watch classic, old movies.

tailmon: she basically follows what hikari watches, but she loves animations! also, a bit like koushiro, she loves investigation/crime series. perhaps it's because she was once on a yagami household, she secretly loves to watch stand-up comedies just for fun. although rarely people subscribed to netflix to watch game shows/quizzes, she has the habit of having a friendly competition with tentomon to guess all the questions.

___

things they watch together: money heist, space sweepers, hometown cha-cha-cha, that blackpink documentary (koushiro loves it fyi), midnight diner, stranger things, queen's gambit.

also, tentomon is always the one who reminds koushiro and hikari to pay the subscription.

(template credit goes to sehyune!)

#digimon #headcanon #koukari #another day of i-want-to-make-a-fic-but-here-we-are #koushiro izumi #hikari yagami #tentomon #tailmon #enlightenmonth #enlightenmonth 2022

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legitelizabethwwefan · 2 years

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Valorant Headcanons - Favourite Movies

A/N: I’ve got nothing to say today lol. Enjoy!

If you want to request anything, you can do so here.

Hope you like it!

Word count: 271

No warnings.

Astra: Dramas, drama-comedies.

Breach: Anything Viking-related; also loves slapstick comedies.

Brimstone: Action, action-adventure, the occasional slapstick comedy.

Chamber: French films are his favourite. However, he’ll watch English-language movies; specifically dramas and romances (even if there’s no happy ending).

Cypher: Mystery/spy movies.

Fade: Also loves mysteries/spy movies, but also enjoys horror flicks; the gorier, the better. Dark comedy is also alright.

Jett: Action and martial art flicks; doesn’t matter what country it’s from.

KAY/O: Hates most robot movies because he believe they depict robots in a negative light. Will watch any action/action-adventure flick not involving a robot.

Killjoy: Sci-fi (despite the fact that she’ll critique certain sci-fi aspects). Also loves comedies.

Neon: Comedies mostly, but may watch a martial art flick if Jett’s watching one.

Omen: Not all that into movies, but secretly watches feel-good flicks (maybe even animated films) as a form of escapism.

Phoenix: Comedies are his fav, but also likes action and action-adventure films a lot too. Secretly loves sappy romantic comedies.

Raze: Action-adventure and sci-fi adventures, as well as comedies.

Reyna: Dramas- the more tragic, the better. Will typically choose Spanish films over English-language flicks. Also likes gory horror movies that can also mess with the mind.

Sage: Romantic comedies; anything with a happy ending.

Skye: Action-adventure flicks, but also loves all nature documentaries.

Sova: Also loves action-adventure flicks and nature documentaries. When it comes to the latter, he prefers winter-related documentaries. Secretly loves Christmas movies.

Viper: Dramas, especially if there’s an anti-hero or unlikeable protagonist. Likes horror movies also if they’re not too bloody.

Yoru: Martial art movies and action movies- the more action-packed, the better.

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agentnico · 1 year

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) Review

This film features the MCU’s first use of the F-bomb, and I must say its inclusion works for a great joke. However Marvel fans better be prepared, as this is nothing compared to what Deadpool is going to bring to this cinematic universe. Don’t you dare PG Deadpool! Disney don’t you do it!!

Plot: Still reeling from the loss of Gamora, Peter Quill must rally his team to defend the universe and protect one of their own. If the mission is not completely successful, it could possibly lead to the end of the Guardians as we know them.

Fresh off the heels of their very entertaining Holiday Special that gave us the gift of Kevin Bacon singing Christmas songs, the Guardians return for what is pitched as their final outing for this version of the team, as well as the final time James Gunn directs them before fully embracing his new head-of-DC duties. Look, we all love these characters, so of course even though the Marvel Cinematic Universe itself is stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment, there was no chance I was going to miss this final hurrah for these galaxy saving a-holes.

I’m happy to report that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is a very enjoyable superhero flick and a very satisfying conclusion for its heroes. What works for this movie is what Marvel itself currently lacks - focus. There are many characters here to balance yet Gunn manages to give each and every one of them a moment in the spotlight, whilst also delivering a tale filled with emotion, humour and heart. In a way it’s like the recent Thor: Love & Thunder, only it’s not a pile of crap. Unlike that movie, Guardians 3 manages to find a perfect stability between its comedy and dramatic heft, and the result is a super entertaining movie.

Naturally the big focus is on Rocket and his tragic backstory, and yes there is some animal cruelty involved so be warned, but that dark element really rose the stakes for this film and made you really care and understand why Rocket is the way he is, whilst also providing the perfect motivation for our team to proceed. In terms of the backstory, yep, it can be at times hard to watch. But also the animal characters are really adorable. A scene between an intelligent raccoon, a rabbit with artificial legs, a walrus with wheels and an otter with metal arms really got to me in a way I didn’t expect. My heart of stone was touched. What was also effective in relation to the backstory and even the present story was the villain. Chukwudi Iwuji was fantastic playing a truly despicable and downright horrible antagonist who had no moral compass. All too recently Marvel has been trying to give all its villains an element to root off, so it was nice to see one that was simply a bad guy full stop. And Iwuji infused this character with terror and evil. And look, he was much more menacing than Majors’s Kang who is supposed to be the MCU’s new big bad.

As mentioned prior, all characters get their moment to shine. It was nice seeing Chris Pratt return back to the goofball teenager attitude, as the character of Star-Lord was kind of ruined in the Avengers films and even in the Holiday Special he seemed off, but here Pratt makes Star-Lord once again the loveable idiot, and it was great seeing him back. Also his rapport with Gamora was very interesting, as following Endgame the original Gamora had died and was replaced by an alternate universe past version, so she doesn’t recall her romance with Star-Lord, so he is stuck longing for something he can never have which leads to both emotional and humoristic moments. Dave Bautista’s Drax and Pom Klementieff’s Mantis continue their fun banter following the Holiday Special, and Groot is, you know, still Grooting. At least it allows Vin Diesel to take a little break in between his endless Fast & Furious movies. Karen Gillan as Nebula brings her solid deadpan delivery, Sean Gunn’s Kraglin gets more opportunity to enjoy being part of the main group now, as Maria Bakalova voices Cosmo the Dog, and Cosmo is great. Just don’t call her “a bad dog”, she doesn’t like it.

Visually this is one of Marvel’s best looking movies, especially since even though there is green screen used, it is pretty smooth. What’s more there’s a lot of practical effects used too, and I even read on IMDb that this film sets the record for the most makeup appliances used in a single film, having more than 23,000 prosthetics used across more than 1,000 actors. And I’ll always pick practical effects over CGI. In terms of negatives, there aren’t many. Will Poulter is introduced as Adam Warlock, and he seems the most shoehorned in, as his arc and inclusion feels very pointless and inconsequential. Will Poulter himself is solid playing yet another baby-minded caricature, but I feel like Warlock should have been saved for later or maybe introduced in an earlier movie. Also the soundtrack - it’s by no means bad and there are a few bangers, but it’s got nothing on Awesome Mixes Vol. 1 & 2.

James Gunn emphasises yet again that without him Marvel is going to struggle, especially when it comes to continuing the storylines of some of these characters in the future, but nonetheless Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is a wonderful ride and a great caper to Gunn’s trilogy, bringing lots of great humour, character dynamics and emotion, and gets you hooked on a feeling...one last time. Oh, and Gunn finally managed to properly show Nathan Fillion’s face in a Marvel movie, and that in itself is a win!

Overall score: 8/10

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night-city-valentines · 1 year

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In the New Year I kinda wanna get into the habit of reviewing games, so here's a quick review of 'High on Life'.

From Justin Roiland, the voice of both Richard and Mortimer*, comes High on Life, a first-person shooter in which you travel across the galaxy to kill all the members of the cartel that are currently enslaving humanity to use as drugs. Along the way, you find/recruit various weapons that can talk. If the concept of Justin Roiland being the voice of the thing most used in an FPS seems horrifying, you and I are much the same.

Don't get me wrong, the game LOOKS good. It has a very distinct style - evocative of late-2000s CGI flicks - that works for this kind of game. And it is a Game! It isnt just a joke! It plays really well, reminding me a lot of Doom 2016 and BioShock Infinite. The biggest letdown for me is the humour which, unfortunately, is the game's biggest focus.

If you like Rick & Morty, or you're planning to get drunk/high over the Christmas period, this game will probably have you in stitches. I myself stopped liking R&M in Season 3, and I was far too sober to enjoy High on Life. My favourite character was Knifey, an unhinged Aussie knife, in case you were wondering.

A solid 6/10. Its on Xbox Game Pass so if you have it, you might as well give it a try.

+ Good gameplay

+ Great style

+ There is an entire 90s Teen Comedy that you can watch in-game

- Irritating humour

- A kinda 'whatever' plot

- The Teen Comedy is not a good one

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crowdvscritic · 1 year

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round up // NOVEMBER 22 + DECEMBER 22 + JANUARY 23

Ah, the holidays…the season of almost indiscriminate consumption of holiday treats! In my quest to complete as much 2022 viewing as possible for my St. Louis Film Critics Association ballot, I had to put many other items on my to-do list on pause. (More on that ballot coming in a future post.) I watched 7 of my top 10 of the year in these three months, plus another 7 of my honorable mentions, which means I could’ve just made this entire post a rehash of my Best of 2022.

You will find my Best of 2022 in this Round Up, but you’ll also find a few movies that just missed the cut. You’ll also find a classic sitcom, sketch comedy, a buzzy docuseries, staged musicals, the start of my 2023 viewing, and more. Like I said, it’s the season for almost indiscriminate consumption, and that includes pop culture. These are my faves from this season in roughly in the order I experienced them…

Holiday Crowd-Pleasers

1. Cheers (1982-93)

Add this to my list of uninteresting opinions: Cheers = not overrated! After years of viewing on-and-off a lá Sam and Diane (thank you, ever-changing streaming service libraries!), I finished all 11 seasons. And after laughing through almost 300 episodes with Cliff, NORM!, Carla, Rebecca, Woody, Coach, Frasier, and Lilith, I’m almost certain they know my name, too.

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2. SNL Round Up

You’d think the SNL gang would know my name name by now, too. These are the sketches that made me laugh most in these three months.

“Soup” (4805 with Amy Schumer) - I have been Amy Schumer in this scenario too many times

"Jurors” (4805) - “That is not a song from Midnights!”

“Big Dumb Hat” (4805) - I have been cured of keeping these hats in my consideration set

“Monologue” (4808 with Steve Martin and Martin Short)

“A Christmas Carol” (4808)

“Father of the Bride” (4808)

“Blue Christmas” (4809 with Austin Butler)

“NFL on Fox Cold Open” (4810 with Aubrey Plaza)

“Weekend Update: Colin Jost Interviews Rep. George Santos” (4810) - I’ve yet to tire of jokes at the expense of Santos

“Weekend Update: April Ludgate and Leslie Knope on Working for the Government” (4810) - My heart!

3. Enola Holmes 2 (2022)

On my long list for the Best of 2022. This murder mystery sequel is just as charming as the original, and this one helped me realize Daniel Pemberton is one of my favorite modern composers. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10

4. Double Feature - Unconventional Holiday Treats: The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special + Violent Night (2022)

If you like your holidays with a dash of quirky humor and and a dose of Kevin Bacon, the Guardians of the Galaxy have made the holiday special you’ve been waiting for. And if you like ‘em doused in blood, well, Violent Night is here to drench it on ya. Read my full review for ZekeFilm to see how it compares to its inspirations, Die Hard and Home Alone. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5.5/10

5. Harry & Meghan (2022)

Not the ninth Harry Potter movie. After gobbling up this six episode Netflix series, I watched with rapt attention a second time because my family wanted to check it out over the holidays. Whatever your feelings on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (my hope is always #TeamFamilyReconciliation), you can’t argue with their ability to tell a story or that the British media makes for a cinematic villain. These articles from The Atlantic and The New York Times helped me process the series, too:

“What Harry & Meghan Still Doesn’t Say About Race,” NYTimes.com (2022)

“Harry, Meghan, and the Men Who Hate Them,” TheAtlantic.com (2022)

“Why Has America Fallen So Hard for Harry and Meghan?” NYTimes.com (2023)

6. Double Feature - 1997 Volcano Action Flicks: Volcano + Dante’s Peak

Calling this a double feature is debatable since, um, they’re just the same movie. The hero (Tommy Lee Jones or Pierce Brosnan) is supposed to be on vacation but gets roped into managing a volcanic disaster—don’t you hate it when that happens? Jones teams up with scientist Anne Heche and rushes to save his daughter Gaby Hoffman, and Brosnan teams up with small town mayor Linda Hamilton and rushes to save her kids. Both are fun disaster spectacles, and since, um, they’re just the same movie, they’re getting the same scores. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

7. Six National Tour

While I do wonder about the longevity of lyrics like, “You said that I tricked ya 'cause I didn't look like my profile picture,” I can’t get the pop perfection that is the Six soundtrack out of my head. The Broadway sensation about the six wives of King Henry VIII has more songs than story, but their clever lyrics, diva solos, and accompanying over-the-top costumes are some of the most fun I’ve had at the theater in months.

8. Triple Feature - Heist Action feat. Corrupt Cops: Ronin (1998) + Out of Time (2003) + Man on a Ledge (2012)

Pick your setting: Europe, Florida, or Manhattan. Pick your cast: Robert De Niro and Jean Reno; Denzel Washington and Sanaa Lathan; or Sam Worthington and Elizabeth Banks. Pick your vibe: globetrotting conspiracy, Double Indemnity, or edge-of-your-ledge-seat thriller. Whether you choose Ronin (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10), Out of Time (9/10 // 7/10), or Man on a Ledge (9/10 // 7/10), you’re in for an exciting ride.

9. Shotgun Wedding (2023)

If Jennifer Lopez just made wedding rom-coms the rest of her career, I wouldn’t be mad about it. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6/10

10. Double Feature - Late ‘80s Comedies: Twins (1988) +The ‘Burbs (1989)

In roles they were born to play, Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are Twins (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10) who reunite as adults to search for their parents. In The ‘Burbs (8.5/10 // 6.5/10), Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Bruce Dern, and Corey Feldman suspect their new cul-de-sac residents of murder and they search for evidence in creative ways. With those high concepts, both exceed their low bars of success with jokes and silly set pieces galore.

Holiday Critic Picks

1. The Best of 2022

Recurring themes and plots of the movies of 2022: class warfare, murder mysteries, musical biopics, taking down predators, and meta commentaries on entertainers’ careers. Read my fully redesigned year in review at ZekeFilm as well as my review of my top film of the year.

2. Hadestown National Tour

Inspired by the Greek myths about Eurydice, Hades, Orpheus, and Persephone, this relatively new Broadway show’s outside-of-time setting evokes A Streetcar Named Desire in its set and costumes. The songs feature some of the beautiful voices and melodies I’ve ever heard and some of most inventive stage lighting I’ve ever seen.

3. Network (1976)

In ep. 131 of SO IT’S A SHOW?, Rory is taking her fashion inspiration from the classic Network. What is its legacy, and what do these inspirations mean for a journalism panel Rory is participating in? Faye Dunaway, Robert Duvall, Peter Finch, and William Holden make a stellar ensemble for a satirical script prescient of the media-driven world we live in. Pair with A Face in the Crowd for a thrilling, thought-provoking evening. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

4. Kiss Me Deadly (1955)

An explosive film noir! (And this year's putting up the tree movie?) After P.I. Ralph Meeker picks up a desperate hitchhiker (Cloris Leachman), his career and his life tailspin into a series of murders and a hunt for a mysterious package. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. MOSS by Maya Hawke (2022)

The best kind of intimate, vulnerable, and sweet indie pop, especially for the clever lyrics on “Backup Plan” and “Sweet Tooth.”

6. Rocky II - IV (1979-85)

Rocky II (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10) is the plot inverse of Rocky but just as thoughtful. Rocky III and Rocky IV (both 9/10 // 7/10) are exciting adventures with larger-than-life villains in Mr. T, Hulk Hogan, and Dolph Lundgren. Cue ‘em up to pump up for Creed III in March!

7. Hustle (2022)

Speaking of Rocky, this Philadelphia-set dramedy imagines Mickey at the center. Adam Sandler’s latest made my long list for the Best of 2022, and yes, it was partly because of those Rocky-style montages. Basketball isn’t my sport, but when I watch a good movie about it like this one, I always think for about 5 minutes I should really get into the NBA. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

8. What Price Hollywood? (1932)

If Hustle is a spiritual sequel to Rocky, What Price Hollywood? is the spiritual prequel to A Star Is Born. This romance features a wide-eyed Hollywood hopeful and an alcoholic movie veteran, though the plot details are rearranged from the standard plot structure in the 1937, 1954, 1976, and 2018 versions. Constance Bennett's wardrobe is *chef's kiss*, and this melodrama would pair well with either of Damien Chazelle’s La La Land or Babylon. (Keep reading for more on Babylon.) Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

9. The Last of Sheila (1973)

After so many comparisons to Glass Onion, I had to check it out—and it totally rules! James Coburn, James Mason, Ian McShane, Raquel Welch, and more assemble a year after a mutual friend’s death, and what begins as a pleasure cruise tuns into a crime scene. I have a deeper appreciation now of Glass Onion as both a riff and a twist on this film (though it still works as a standalone movie that just happens to have a Stephen Sondheim cameo), but I would’ve loved this morally gray whodunnit even without the introduction from Benoit Blanc. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

10. The Darjeeling Limited (2007)

And now I’ve finished Wes Anderson’s feature directing oeuvre. (Bring on Asteroid City and The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar!) Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman, and Owen Wilson are at their funniest and at their most self-absorbed as they process their father’s unexpected passing on a train ride across India. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

Also this Holiday Season…

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever has all the ingredients for a successful sequel—it just gets the measurements wrong. Read my full review for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

I didn’t care for Damien Chazelle’s Babylon, but I’ll never forget it. Read my full review of the uncouth, unending, uneven, unforgettable epic for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 5/10 // Critic: 8/10

Plane is enjoyable, but it’s one of Gerard Butler’s more forgettable action vehicles. Read my review of yet another movie where an everyman Butler saves the day for ZekeFilm.

On SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla and I investigated Danny Bonaduce’s transition from Partridge Family star to wrestling star, the real Paul Anka, and the forgotten ‘70s sitcom Chico and the Man.

Photo credits: Six, Hadestown, Maya Hawke. All others IMDb.com.

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