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walks-the-ages · 1 year

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OP deactivated, and some of the links were broken/marked unsafe by Firefox, so here's a new compilation post of Leslie Feinburg's (She/her, ze/hir) novels and essays on being transgender:

Stone Butch Blues official free source directly from Author's website:

Stone Butch Blues, backup on the webarchive:

Transgender Liberation: A movement whose time has come, on the web archive:

Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman, on the web archive:

Lavender and Red, PDF essay collection:

Drag King Dreams, on the web archive:

(Also, if anyone ever tells you that the protagonist of Stone Butch Blues ""ends up with a man""........ they're transmisogynistic jackass TERFs who are straight up lying)

Please also check out your local public libraries for these books and see if they carry them, to help support public libraries! If you have a library card already you can checkout Libby and Overdrive to see if your public library carries it as an ebook that you can checkout :)

EDIT: another not included on the orignal masterpost-- Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or blue !

annnnnd in light of the web archive losing it's court case, here's a backup of both PDFs and generated epubs a friend made:

5/26/2023: hello! I am adding on yet another book of queer history, this time the autobiography of Karl Baer, a Jewish, intersex trans man who was born in 1884! Please signal boost this version, and remember to check the notes whenever this crosses your dash for any new updates :)

6/24/2023: Two links to share!

Someone made an Epub version of Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years, which you can find Here , as a more accessible version than a pdf of a scanned book if you're like me and need larger text size for reading--

And from another post I reblogged earlier today, I discovered the existence of "TransSisters: the Journal of Transsexual Feminism", which has 10 issues from 1993-1995, and includes multiple interviews with Leslie Feinburg and other queer feminists / activists of the 90s!

Here's a link to all 10 issues of TransSisters, plus a 1996 "look back at" by one of the writers after the journal ended, you can find all 10 issues on the Internet Archive Here !

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8/28/2023:

"Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out", can be found on the web archive Here, for the 25th Anniversary Edition from 2015,

and also Here, for the original 1991 version.

Each of the above can be borrowed for one hour at a time as long as a copy is available :D

This is a living post that receives sporadic updates on the original, if you are seeing this on your dash, click Here to see the latest version of the post to make sure you're reblogging the most up to date one :)

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October, 25th 2023:

"I began to dawdle over breakfast during shift changes, asking both waitresses questions. After weeks of inquiries, they invited me to a demonstration, outside Kleinhan's Music Hall, protesting the Israeli war against Egypt and Syria. I was particularly interested in that protest. The state of Israel had been declared shortly before my birth. In Hebrew school I was taught "Palestine was a land without peo-ple, for a people without a land." That phrase haunted me as a child. I pictured ears with no one in them, and movies projected on screens in empty theaters. When I checked a map of that region of the Middle East in my school geography textbook, it was labeled Palestine, not Israel. Yet when I asked my grandmother who the Palestinians were, she told me there were no such people. The puzzle had been solved for me in my adolescence. I developed a strong friendship with a Lebanese teenager, who explained to me that the Palestinian people had been driven off their land by Zionist settlers, like the Native peoples in the United States. I studied and thought a great deal about all she told me. From that point on I staunchly opposed Zionist ideology and the occupation of Palestine. So I wanted to go to the protest. However, I feared the demonstration, no matter how justified, would be tainted by anti-Semitism. But I was so angered by the actions of the Israeli government and military, that I went to the event to check it out for myself. That evening, I arrived at Kleinhan's before the protest began. Cops in uniforms and plainclothes surrounded the music hall. I waited impatiently for the protesters to arrive. Suddenly, all the media swarmed down the street. I ran after them. Coming over the hill was a long column of people moving toward Kleinhan's. The woman who led the march and spoke to reporters proudly told them she was Jewish! Others held signs and banners aloft that read: "Arab Land for Arab People!" and "Smash Anti-Semitism!" Now those were two slogans I could get behind! I wanted to know who these people were and where they had been all my life! Hours later I followed the group back to their headquarters. Orange banners tacked up on the walls expressed solidarity with the Attica prisoners and the Vietnamese. One banner particularly haunted me. It read: Stop the War Against Black America, which made me realize that it wasn't just distant wars that needed opposing. Yet although I worked with two members of this organization, I felt nervous that night. These people were communists, Marxists! Yet I found it easy to get into discussions with them. I met waitresses, factory workers, secretaries, and truck drivers. And I decided they were some of the most principled people I had ever met. For example, I was impressed that many of the men I spoke with talked to me about the importance of fighting the oppression of gays and lesbians, and of all women. Yet I knew they thought they were talking to a straight man" Transgender Warriors (1996) Leslie Feinberg

#bold text #large text #transgender #trans #nonbinary #leslie feinberg #neopronouns #activism #no id #pride #essays #Karl bae #memoirs of a man's maiden years #bi any other name

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afeelgoodblog · 5 months

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The Best News of Last Week - November 28, 2023

🐑 - Why did Fiona the sheep become a mountaineer? She was tired of the "baa-d" jokes at sea level!

1. Pope Francis dines with transgender women for Vatican luncheon

Pope Francis hosted a group of transgender women — many of whom are sex workers or migrants from Latin America — to a Vatican luncheon for the Catholic Church's "World Day of the Poor" last week.

The pontiff and the transgender women have formed a close relationship since the pope came to their aid during the COVID-19 pandemic, when they were unable to work. Now, they meet monthly for VIP visits with the pope and receive medicine, money and shampoo any day, according to The Associated Press.

2. New York just installed its first offshore wind turbine

The first wind turbine installation at South Fork Wind, New York State’s first offshore wind farm, is complete.

The 130-megawatt (MW) South Fork Wind will be the US’s first completed utility-scale wind farm in federal waters.

3. Anonymous businessman donates $800k to struggling food bank

But this Thanksgiving, a longtime prayer of food bank leaders was finally answered: an anonymous benefactor donated the full $800,000 they needed to move out of a facility they've long outgrown. That benefactor, however, preferred to stay anonymous.

"Very private company, really don't want attention," said Debbie Christian, executive director of the Auburn Food Bank. "It's a goodhearted person that just wants to see the work here continue, wants to see it expand."

4. Empowering woman saving hopes and mental health of suffering Ukrainian kids

Kenza Hadij-Brahim is at the forefront of promoting Circle of Toys

Hadj-Brahim is helping to launch the Circle of Toys initiative. A project that provides Ukrainian children in need of some normality with preloved toys. This new initiative connects people with old toys they might otherwise throw away, with Ukrainian families in need who want to provide some comfort to their children in this distressing time.

Find Refuge said : “The endeavour is driven by a sincere purpose: spark joy, foster play, and bring a hint of normalcy back to the young lives in Ukraine.”

5. TWO LOST CITIES HIDDEN FOR CENTURIES WERE JUST DISCOVERED IN BOLIVIA

Researchers have found these areas not only housed structures and pyramids but it has been uncovered that there were advanced irrigation systems, earthworks, large towns, causeways, and canals that cover miles.

Dr. Heiko Prümers from the German Archaeological Institute, who was also involved in the study comments that “this indicated a relatively dense settlement in pre-Hispanic times. Our goal was to conduct basic research and trace the settlements and life there. The research sheds light on the sheer magnitude and magnificence of the civic-ceremonial centers found buried in the forest”.

6. Sheep dubbed Fiona rescued from cliff in Scotland where she was stuck for more than 2 years

youtube

And at last, some positive climate news:

7. Three positive climate developments

Heating

When the Paris Agreement was adopted, the global reliance on fossil fuels placed the world on a path towards a 3.5C rise in temperature by 2100. Eight years on, country commitments to reduce their carbon footprints have pulled that down slightly, putting the world on a path for a 2.5C to 2.9C by the end of the century.

Peak emissions

Annual greenhouse gas emissions responsible for climate change have risen roughly nine percent since COP21, according to UN data. But the rate of the increase has slowed significantly. Recent estimates by the Climate Analytics institute find global emissions could peak by 2024

Rising renewables

Three technologies—solar, wind and electric vehicles—are largely behind the improved global warming estimates since 2015.

---

That's it for this week :)

This newsletter will always be free. If you liked this post you can support me with a small kofi donation here:

Buy me a coffee ❤️

Also don’t forget to reblog this post with your friends.

#best news of last week #Youtube

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quinton-reviews · 3 months

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Hi Quinton!! I have been a HUGE fan of your stuff since a friend sent me the Tobuscus Fallen Titans (I used to watch him back in high school and was like "huh, wonder what happened to him after those allegations") and I gotta say, it is REALLY FUNNY every time my fiancé and I watch the iCarly videos again, because when you cover Gibby's stunt double breaking his ribs, you cut to a clip of The Official Podcast. I used to play D&D with one of the main dudes from the podcast, so when he talks during that clip I do a goddamn double take literally every time.

Anyways, I remember an original Patreon stretch goal being a Fallen Titans on Homestuck! I was really big into Homestuck in my early 20s, and was wondering if that's still on the table at some point? If not that's fine, I understand plans change! I just love Fallen Titans lol, the Fred episode and the Neil Cicierega unFallen Titans are some of my favorite videos of yours!

That's a real funny story!

So here's the rundown on the Homestuck video. When I first started making long videos, they were actually inspired by the relationship I had with other YouTubers at the time. I used to watch, like, H3H3 and Filthy Frank, etc; and I'd always see people obsessed with the versions of creators from the past. Like, "Oh 2015 H3 was the best" and "Oh 2012 Frank was peak." So I had this idea that it would be crazy if H3 posted, like, a video he spent a decade on and you got a new video with 2015 H3 10 years on. (I don't watch H3 anymore ironically)

So the original idea for the "long video" format was that it would be cool if, throughout a long, analysis/review/recap video, you kept noticing someone get older. Maybe my months, maybe by years. That's why I always like to get a haircut when I start one of these videos. If you scrub through and you see my hair get longer and messier as it goes on I think that adds something magical you can't fake.

So... My pitch to the Homestuck video was that it would be funny to work on it just once per year. To record one segment, say "That's it for 12 months", and then come back around to it. And when I was making the iCarly and Victorious videos I actually recorded a few minutes of the video! I think it was two segments in total. But then I had a bunch of personal stuff happen and my work drive has been much lower, so any "back burner" video hasn't gotten much attention since then.

Now that the iCarly mini-series is done with, I want to focus on some short one-off videos I can make before April. But once that's done with, I would REALLY love to start work on a few more long-term projects which will take months or years to finish. I think returning to work on the Homestuck video, to at least get the first 20-30 minutes done, would be a great idea this summer.

Now, if you want to know my pitch for that video, here it is. The video is not a recap of the creative history of the franchise. I do not get into drama, community hell, lawsuits, or other YouTubers. My idea is this: you always hear about Homestuck as an outsider but you never hear about the actual content. Most franchises on Earth I know something about, even and especially if I've never been interested in them. I can tell you a bunch of facts about wrestling and MLP and the Fast and the Furious simply through cultural osmosis and having friends who are into those things.

I can't tell you the plot of Homestuck, who the characters are, what the themes are, nothing. I've known a lot of people who were into Homestuck but nothing about the series!

So I thought it would thus be funny to make a video about a bunch of people who know nothing about the series starting from the beginning and giving their reactions, even if it's been years since it all started. I call this part of the video the "Homestuck Book Club." So the next step is me picking out the members (who all have to have no history with it) and making sort of a podcast setup. We'd then read and record every six months or so, IDK.

This is why the video has been stuck in production hell! Everyone who wants to work on it and messages me about it already knows the franchise. I don't want spoilers, I don't want people writing for the video who get it already. I want to capture the "what the fuck is this" energy of three dudes just getting in the middle of it.

Also, I think that I really like the theme of the video capturing our lives as they go by, capturing us aging and changing. If you came back from the future and told me this video comes out in five years, I'd say great. If you told me it comes out in ten years, I'd say awesome. Until then, the latest edit will always be on Patreon, even if you have to dig a little.

#homestuck #quinton reviews #long videos

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sku1l-b4e · 1 month

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Heyy! Can u do a 2015 tom x young (18-19) fem reader where reader ask tom to teach her how to ride his dick cuz shes still a virgin? Like slow and gentle please? Ty if u write it! Have a nice day!

Ofc !! 🤭 (Can't promise it'll be good...)

Private Lessons

Category: smut, smut, smut !!! Warnings: dom!Tom, sub!reader, d¡ck riding, choking, swearing, badly translated german (Google), praise kink, fingering, marking, slight breeding kink? idk.

Reader is 18, Tom is around 26 !!

"Mm... Tom?" Your soft voice echoes through the quiet kitchen of Tom's mansion, he lifts his head out of the fridge and looks at you, a curious expression on his face. The two of you had been dating for a couple months now, and yet you had never had sex. Tom loved you enough to settle for jerking himself off until you were ready, but is today the day?

"Yeah, leibe?" He responds, standing up straight and closing the fridge to lean against it as he watches you, a nervous expression on your face as you shuffle in your seat on top of the counter. "Can you... Um... Can you teach me how to ride you?" His eyes widen, a smirk immediately plastering itself onto his face at the sound of your innocent voice asking him such a filthy question.

He takes a step towards you, his hands gently resting on either side of your thighs as he looks into your eyes. "Are you sure? You don't have to..." He asks for your confirmation, not wanting to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. You nod in response, watching as toms smirk widens and his tongue plays with his lip piercing, making you squeeze your thighs together. He waits for you to back out, but after a couple seconds of looking at your innocent face, he chuckles and moves his hands to your ass, pulling you into him as he carries you to the bedroom.

--⋆.ೃ࿔*:･.

Tom closes the bedroom door behind him with his foot and lays you down onto your shared bed as if you were a sleeping child, he looks down at you and smirks again at your expression, how innocent you look, your doe-eyes driving him crazy. "Strip, Prinzessin." He orders, his voice stern whilst soft and gentle. You obey his command, slipping off your tight tank-top and denim shorts, leaving you in just your baby blue panties and matching bra. "Fuck..." He murmers at the sight of you, his hungry gaze drinking up your appearance.

It doesn't take him long before he's gotten rid of his grey sweatpants and Calvin Klein, leaving them on top of your own clothes. He kneels in front of you, hooking both index fingers around the sides of your panties, looking up at you for permission. You nod, your bottom lip stuck between your teeth. He slowly pulls off your panties, throwing them onto his pillow before he does the same with your bra, but not before gently squeezing the small amount of padding. "Gonna finger you first, baby... Gotta prepare you for me, okay?" God, that accent, his voice alone is making you drip onto the bed sheets below you.

You spread your legs for him, his gaze moving down to look at your glistening cunt. A shaky breath leaves him at the sight of you, he raises his right hand, gently swiping up your slit and making you gasp at the contact. He smirks once again, his thumb pressing against your clit and forcing your back to arch. "Oh-! Tom!" You gasp out, causing him to look up at you with slightly furrowed brows. "Shh, baby... Let your Tom take care of you." He whispers, leaning his head up to catch your nipple in his mouth. He swirls his tongue around it, feeling it stiffen between his lips. He lets his teeth nibble on it, letting the pain of his bite distract you from his finger slipping into your cunt. He groans against your skin as he feels you clench around his finger, curling it slightly and eliciting another gasp from your pretty mouth.

He uses his free hand to spread your thighs wider, his lips leaving your stiffened nipple and trailing down your body and back up until he reaches your neck. He leaves small and big hickeys against your soft skin, as well as a couple nibbles, making you groan quietly. He continues to fuck you on a single finger until he's able to add a second, once he's able to add the second finger, he presses his thumb against your clit, forcing your pussy to clench around his digits. "Fuck, schatzi, so wet... all for me?" He asks, a hint of amusement within his lust-filled tone. You whimper, unable to respond as he curls his fingers, hitting that gummy spot inside you.

He pistons his fingers in and out of you, occasionally picking up the pace then slowing back down to hit that sweet spot that forces you to grasp his shoulders. But what after seems like hours and around two orgasms from his fingers alone, he finally pulls them out of you. He lifts them to mouth, sucking your sticky cum off a single finger before tapping your jaw. "Open." You listen, opening your mouth to allow his fingers to shove themselves down your throat. You suck off your cum from his fingers, grimacing slightly at the taste.

Tom then pulls his fingers away from you full and stands up, sitting beside you on the bed as your wide eyes go down to his erection. How on God's earth will that fit? He seems to hear your thoughts and he gently grabs your chin, kissing from your ear to your collar bone, shaky breaths and whimpers leaving your soft lips. "It'll fit, mein Süßes Mädchen..."

He wraps his hands around your waist, lifting you with a scary ease, he sits you on his lap, his hard dick pressed against your stomach as your doe-eyes stare up at him. He shuffles back onto the bed, laying down and holding your waist as you wait for his instructions. "Lift yourself and hover... I'll hold you up, mein süße." You nod, nibbling your bottom lip as you lean your hands against his chest, lifting your hips and hovering them over his aching dick.

He removes one hand from your waist, making you shake a little, he squeezes your waist with the remaining hand, using his now free hand to align himself."Slowly lower yourself, baby. It might hurt, but you'll be okay... Just tell me if you want to stop." You nod again, slowly lowering yourself with the help of his left hand whilst the right keeps himself aligned. He throws his head back and groans as he feels your virgin pussy swallow him. "T-tom... It hurts..." Your voice whines, causing him to snap his attention you. "It'll be okay, it won't hurt in a minute, just get used to it."

You let out a pathetic whine and he chuckles before he sucks in his breath and lets his head fall back onto the mattress below. He moves both hands to your hips, guiding you up and down all 7 inches of his cock. When he feels his tip kiss your cervix, his own hips instinctively jerk upwards, causing you to shriek out a moan. He manages to reign himself in, continuing to guide you slowly. Up and down, up and down. "Fuck... That's it, süße Mädchen... Oh, ja..." He whispers out his praise, his hips moving to meet yours as you moan and whimper, your breasts bouncing softly with each thrust.

As you slowly manage to adjust to his size, his pace starts to pick up, your body jolting with each movement from your boyfriend. "Fuck, schatz... So fucking tight, gonna fill you up, ja?" You can only moan in response, your virgin cunt creating an embarrassingly loud squelching noise as Tom's hips start to snap upwards as he starts to build up his climax. "Gonna fill you with my kids... Fuck..." Tom groans, his hand sliding up your sides until he reaches your throat where hickeys were forming.

He wraps his hand around your throat, the other gripping your hips tightly as he uses your body as his own toy. He moves his hips faster, more aggressive, a string of German dirty talk leaving his lips as he suddenly flips you over so you're under him. He pounds into you, his balls slapping against your plump ass whilst he buries his face into your neck, feeling your body jolts and squirm. He feels you tighten around him and you cry out his name, your back arching as your gummy walls flutter around his cock. He follows soon after, his hips moving against yours in a frenzied state until he pushes against you as hard as he can, feeling his orgasm crash over him and slowly drip out of you.

"Heilige Scheiße" ('Holy Shit') Tom murmers as he slowly pulls out of you, your body twitching as you come down from your high. He watches his cum leak out of your pussy and he frowns, plugging up your hole with two fingers. "No- no more..." You whimper, trying to pull his wrist away to which he laughs and shakes his head. "Relax, leibe... Just makin' sure no more leaks out of you."

This is ass but oh well !!

(I forgot u asked for slow and gentle... hope it was okay 🫶🏻)

#tom kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #gustav schäfer #bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz x you #bill kaulitz x reader smut #love #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz x reader #finger

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mydearesthrry · 9 months

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birthday wishes - h.s.

a/n: hi … this is long. it ends abruptly and im v sorry! apologies for my absence,,, enjoy :))

🎀 warnings/cw: nothing but fluff

🐇 pairing: 1dbandmember!reader x harry styles

💐 wc: n/a

summary: every year, Y/N posts something for harry’s birthday. every single year, no matter what.

a/n: pls keep in mind harrys relationship timeline or this wont make as much sense..? ok bye

2012

liked by niallhoran, zaynmalik, and 2,378,615 others

yourinstagram: Happy birthday goof!! Thanks for always tuning my guitars for me. I can’t believe you are 18!!!!!!!!!

view 79,058 comments

harrystyles: Thaaaaaanks. I love youuuu. <3 <3 <3

user1: SHE CALLS HIM GOOF UGGGGHHHHHH

user2: i cant believe that this picture is real

user3: THE HEARTS IN HARRYS COMMENT

niallhoran: no bday post for me?? D:

2013

liked by niallhoran, dakotajohnson, dontshakethepolaroid, and 3,008,263 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday h. u are 19. thats crazy. i owe my life to u thank you for being my best friend— thank you for you. i love u so so much bub :’)

comments on this post have been limited

niallhoran: h day!!! time to celebrattteeeeee!!!!!!

annetwist: love you sweetheart!

harrystyles: I love youuuuuu!!!! Thank you lovebug. <3

zaynmalik: time to get drunk!

2014

liked by niallhoran, zendaya, sabrinacarpenter, and 108,862 others

yourinstagram: its a national holiday!! happy birthday to my best friend, confidant, songwriting partner, and personal pillow. UR FUCKING 20. THATS INSANE. i love u so much pickle :’)

comments on this post have been limited

gemmastyles: old man!!!

harrystyles: Thank you Olive :) Love you tons.

niallhoran: a special lads birthday!

zaynmalik: 🍻

jamescorden: pickle and olive!

2015

liked by arianagrande, wherearetheavocados, and 6,826,728 others

yourinstagram: love you prince boy, happy birthday ❤️

view 198,726 other comments

harrystyles: My favorite person alive. Xx

niallhoran: legal in the states!!!!

user1: his comment is so casual but so cutw i cant 😭😭😭

user2: i am so unstable shes literally posted every time on his birthday for years

user3: NEW PHH CONTENT!!!!!

ynrryupdates: our suspicions were right! she posted again this year ❤️❤️❤️

2016

liked by tomholland2016, liampayne, annetwist, and 5,276,266 others

yourusername: hbd har <3 thank you for everything

view all 99,251 comments

user1: no special note… i think we’re losing them

user2: :( not the same this year

user3: i think she’s holding back now because he’s official with kendall?

harrystyles: Thank you, it was wonderful seeing you. H

user4: this is weird…. harry’s comment isnt sitting right with me…?

gemmastyles: missed your face!!!!!!!!!! love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

2017

liked by harrystyles, selenagomez, marikoluv, and 4,726,629 others

yourinstagram: happy birthday pickle, miss you <3

view all 99,625 comments

annetwist: Missed seeing you! Come back and visit soon ❤️

harrystyles: Thank you Olive. Love you. Miss you more.

gemmastyles: missed my best friend ❤️❤️❤️

user1: are we… are we finally getting them back….

user2: slowly going back to normal………

user3: HES SO DRY 😭

user4: he said love you 😭😭😭😭😭 miss you more 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

2018

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift13, sabrinacarpenter, and 6,276,151 others

yourinstagram: tbt our frat days 🤓 miss you always my bug, happy birthday ❤️ i love love you

view all 71,620 comments

harrystyles: Be home soon, I miss you more than anything. Love you love you love you. Thank you. H x

gemmastyles: I NEED you to come over when you’re back in London!!!!!!!

annetwist: My baby! ❤️🎁🎉

user1: OH WE GOT THEM BACKKKKKK!!!!!!

user2: now that harrys a freeeeeee man we can get ynrry back like weve always dreamed of!

user3: HER bug… im unwell

2019

liked by harrystyles, billieeilish, liampayne, and 4,276,991 others

yourusername: our time now, silly boy. happy birthday to my soulmate, lover, best friend… and everything else in between. i admire everything you do and I feel like the luckiest person alive to have the privilege of knowing you, cherishing you, and caring for u. that being said, i love you i love you i love you so much it hurts. thank you for choosing me. happy birthday pickle ❤️

view all 89,715 comments

harrystyles: There’s no one in this world I love more than you. Thank you, baby. Very grateful for you, Olive. Xxx

jamescorden: FINALLY

billieeilish: thank GOD this has been the hardest secret to keep 😭😭😭😭

sabrinacarpenter: mom n dadddddd

annetwist: My babies ❤️🎂

user1: OH MY FUCKING GOD

user2: STOP I KNEW IT

user3: FINALLLYYYYYYYY

user4: IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ALL MY DAMN LIFE

2020

liked by harrystyles, arianagrande, gemmastyles, and 4,917,899 others

yourinstagram: havent missed a year so why start now? happy birthday h, i love you so much ❥ p.s. ur fiance era looks so good on u ;)

view all 105,918 comments

harrystyles: Thank you. And I agree; I’ve never looked better. ❤️

user1: WHATTTTTT THE FUCK

user2: THEYRE ENGAGED???!!!!!!!!!!

user3: remember in 2013 when they got asked a question on the this is us panel about how they dreamed of proposing/being proposed to and Y/N said in italy… he def proposed when they filmed golden

2021

liked by user1, harrystyles, billieeilish, and 6,818,809 others

yourinstagram: first outing as newlyweds,,, only right to be celebrating pickles birthday too. bug… i trust u implicitly and love you entirely. my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy birthday harry ❤️

comments on this post have been limited

harrystyles: Soulmate. Thank you baby. H

sabrinacarpenter: cats out the bag… mom and dad are married !!!

annetwist: Official daughter ❤️❤️❤️

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry <3 #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles blurb #harry edward styles #harry styles social media #harry styles smau

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sunnys-out · 7 months

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I've loved you for so long (1) | Lucy Bronze

A/N: Hello! I haven't written in so long but here is something that I have been working on since the WC (she's a short one I know). I didn't post it earlier because I was moving and starting a new job but everything has calmed down and I had time to edit it. Please let me know what y'all think and hopefully, I can post the 2nd part soon! If you like my writing maybe through in a suggestion and I'll try my best! :D

Content: Angst, Fluff if you squint

{Word Count: 2004}

______________________________________________________________

I've loved you for so long

Oh, I'd forgotten how it feels

Feelings come back strong

'I've Loved You For So Long - The Aces'

Lucy and I had met, informally, in 2015 in Canada, we never played against each other in that World Cup but that didn’t stop us from bumping into each other at Tim Hortons. The couple of times that we ran into each other at the World Cup caused small conversations and laughs that left me wanting more. God, even just her smile left me wanting.

I didn’t message her throughout our respective seasons right after the World Cup but sometimes I’d click on her Instagram profile and just scroll and see her thrive in Manchester City. Well I did drum up the courage to message once.

‘It’d probably be weird if I messaged her out of the blue right?... I mean it has been weeks since Canada?’ I told myself as I lay on my small apartment couch in Portland.

My thumb hovered over the send button with a slight tremble.

“Fuck it” My thumb harshly hit the screen and the quick ‘Wanted to say that you had an amazing tournament. Shame we never played against each other ♥️That goal against Canada was a banger meant to send that in Canada lol!” message was delivered.

I swear I threw my phone onto the other side of my couch and took a shower not expecting to see two notifications sent five minutes after me.

‘Lucy Bronze liked your message’

‘Lucy Bronze: ‘means a lot. Hope to see you again soon, miss world champion ⭐️⭐️⭐️’

I didn’t notice the smile growing as I looked at the notifications on the screen. I probably read it 20 times, setting the phone down on my coffee table and pacing the room debating whether I should respond or what I even should respond with.

“Lucy is funny, maybe I can joke about how it’s been long or maybe just a ‘feeling is mutual’” I said aloud to myself.

‘Why am I getting worked up about this?” My hair is now messy by how many times I redid my ponytail pacing the room for 13 minutes. I kept procrastinating and just settled with getting ready for bed.

‘I’ll just respond tomorrow,’ I said, confidently, plugging in my phone and placing it on my nightstand. That sentiment lasted about 2 minutes before I walked quickly back into my room picking up my phone, opening the message, and liking Lucy’s before responding.

Y/N: I would love to see you again! I hope it's somewhere other than Tim Hortons even though I loved that place lol 🙂

My phone immediately locked as I got into bed and turned away from my phone. I closed my eyes tightly trying to go to sleep quickly so that in the rare probability that Lucy would continue the conversation, I could deal with it tomorrow morning, maybe ask Klingenburg for advice. Though she might scold me for fraternizing with the enemy, jokingly of course. Defenders knew other defenders right? Kling would find it funny that a right winger is flirting with a right back.

My thoughts were interrupted by one vibration and then two more in succession. My body slowly turned over to see my phone lit up still and then slowly dimming. My hand, subconsciously, went over, picked up my phone, and opened the messages seeing Lucy liking my message.

Lucy: Let me buy you a cup whenever you’re in Manchester; there are some cafes you’d like here.

Lucy: I would love to show you around 🙂

I smiled at the messages and immediately replied without a second thought

Y/N: I will let you know because I do need a vacation 🥲

Y/N: And I would love to give you a tour of Portland, the coffee capital of the world. Worth it.

I stared at the messages until I saw a little heart appear on my last message. The little dots of a message incoming made me nervously tap the side of my phone.

Lucy Bronze: I’ll take that as a promise 😉

Y/N: And I expect that cup of coffee in Manchester is a promise too ☺️

Lucy would only like the message and I would promptly go to sleep after waiting 15 minutes for a message that never came. I tried my best to not think about it but the feeling that came from reading her messages and the smile that would creep onto my face…I wouldn’t forget.

Hayley Raso came into my life slowly after that. Glances turned to long stares. The lingering touches throughout practice became more than a pat on the back for a job well done. The smiles and laughs echoed off the walls of Providence Park as we walked to our cars until it was just to my car.

The weekly movie nights at my place turned into watching a show and cuddling together after practice for days on end. Another toothbrush appeared in the bathroom and suddenly my queen-sized bed wasn’t as empty.

Mornings were met with a quick kiss, a hug from behind, and sweet nothings whispered in each other's ear.

Going to practice wasn’t done alone anymore and it was nice to have someone waiting on you if you had to stay behind to see the physio.

It was easy since we were both playing for Portland at the time and the team weren’t surprised when we told them.

Little by little the Australian would appear in my Instagram photos and I in hers.

The one that “broke the internet” was Hayley’s post of her kissing me on the cheek at the end of a game when the USWNT and Australia had a friendly. The one that sealed the deal for everyone was my Christmas post of photos of the party I had at my apartment. One, a particular one at the end, Hayley was in my lap while I kissed her.

Something, however, nagged at me every time I saw a certain person's name pop up “Lucy Bronze liked your post” but I ignored it. I now know it was the feeling of the “what if” and “what could have been”.

‘Did Lucy not want this with me? Maybe that’s why she never followed up. I probably said something to scare her away. Hayley didn’t run away’ I remember thinking to myself and as if on cue two arms snake their way around my waist.

“Everything alright babe?” Hayley said into my back, I, immediately, felt my shoulders relax at the sound of Hayley’s voice.

I whispered, “I'm alright, just read some rude comments. You know how some people get”. I lied to Hayley; I was happy in our relationship and shouldn’t be wondering about the “what could have been” with someone that wasn’t her.

Hayley would then go on to say that she’s told me to never look at the comments because when have the mean ones ever done something for us? She’d led me back to the bedroom to get ready for bed as we had an early practice but not after she promised to take my mind off the “negative comments”...it worked.

______________________________________________________________

She Believes Cup March 6th, 2016,

Lucy Bronze’s POV

We hadn’t played the United States in Canada which is a shame to not be able to play the future World Champions. Once, we had heard that we would be playing them in the She Believes Cup. I was excited for multiple reasons.

The US call up was released and I would be playing against (y/n). Since the World Cup, (Y/N) was making a name for herself as a strong right winger and playmaker for Portland and the National team.

On the pitch, she seemed cold and intimidating, but I met her as the complete opposite.

I was able to just watch her tap her lip with her finger with her US cap on backward as she decided which pastry she wanted with her coffee at that Tim Hortons. She whistled quietly as she waited her turn and then adorably, fumbled through her order. Then humming to herself happily as she waited on the side with her warm croissant covered by a napkin.

I was in awe of her. I had seen her play before and was always impressed by what I’d seen but never played against her.

As I went up to order my own coffee and pastry I noticed her scrolling through her phone, laughing to herself. (y/n’s) eyes crinkle when she laughs or smiles really big. She hadn’t noticed me when I stood next to her, also waiting for my drink, there I took notice that she was at least three inches above me and that she sticks out her tongue when she is reading something.

I breathed in and said loud enough for her to hear as she read, “I won’t tell your trainer if you don’t tell mine” I shook my little bag containing the coffee cake I had just ordered. I chuckled at the little jump she gave when she noticed me.

“Shit, sorry you scared me” a nervous laugh leaving her mouth

I extended my hand, “Sorry bout that. I’m Lucy, Lucy Bronze with England”

She completed the handshake, “(y/n) (l/n) with the US…obviously” She pointed to her hat that had USA stitched on the back.

The conversation had good enough banter that we both remained at a table for about 2 hours talking about life and football. I could tell you that I fell for the way she looked at me with her gentle (y/e/c) eyes as she described the antics of her new golden retriever puppy named Chili she had adopted when she went to Portland.

I never really was intimidated or made nervous by any American player, especially on the pitch but watching her warm up with an icy cold expression during the She Believes Cup match made me question if the person I met at Tim Horton’s was the same person.

I don’t think I was nervous but I lost count of how many times I would try to get a glimpse of her as she warmed up. Every time I did I’d feel the blush on my cheeks as I remembered the short text conversation that we had shortly after the World Cup.

I regretted so much for not following up immediately; I got scared. If (y/n) asked me today why I didn’t respond, I wouldn’t have known what to say to be honest. Lack of courage was what Jill had told me as Jordan patted my back while reading the messages.

The moment that I finally gained the courage to message (y/n) on Instagram to invite her to Manchester for a visit, was the day when I saw the picture of Hayley Raso kissing her cheek at a friendly. It was the first thing I saw when I opened the app to message her.

I remember my stomach dropping like the feeling when you don’t feel the bottom of a pool.

I had it all planned in my head that she’d accept and I had a mini itinerary in my head of things she would’ve enjoyed and sightseeing spots. But the photo of her with her face buried in Hayley’s neck as she hugged her made the feeling worse.

Raso had beat me to (y/n) and she didn’t even know it. I kicked myself for not being brave. I would’ve had her in my arms sooner. I tell her all the time that I fell for her immediately and from meeting her I wanted more of her every passing day.

Just seeing her across the field filled me with the tucked away feelings I had for her. I remember thinking…What I would have given to be there again talking about the most mundane things over coffee. Hearing her try her hardest to tell a joke but failing as she laughs remembering the punch line or even unconsciously speaking with an English accent when we spoke… God, I really loved her for so long.

#woso #wwc 2023 #lucy bronze #lucy bronze imagine #woso x reader #engwnt x reader #lucy bronze x reader #barca femeni

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ichikopotato · 2 months

Note

if you want to.. 2015 TOM SMUT PLSSS :0

YESSSSSSS

pairings : 2015, t.kaulitz ᡣ𐭩

warnings : smut (obvi), daddy kink (OBVI), pussy eating, older bf! Tom<3, pillow princess, rough sex, doggy position (why not) mentions of “princess, needy baby, slut” degradation, masturbation, hair pulling. ᡣ𐭩

a/n : IM SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN A WHILE😔 ILL BE RESPONDING TO MORE REQUESTS LATER, OR TOMORROW. Please reply/comment on this post to be added to my taglist. ᡣ𐭩

-> TOM JUST CAME FROM WORK, in a good mood. Driving home, speeding up just to see his little princess, you. Wanting nothing more than to see you all dolled up, wearing your cute apron as you cook dinner.

That wasn’t what happened.

Instead, his handsome smile, fading away slowly as he entered the apartment door, not seeing your form in the kitchen. He didn’t call out your name, wondering what you were doing.

He walked upstairs to your shared bedroom, quietly. As he opened the door, a cold look appears on his handsome face. His sweet, precious girl was masturbating, even when he told her not to.

Tom clears his throat, as you didn’t notice him as you rub yourself on his pillow. “Schatz, what is this?” He muttered, leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed.

You gulp, your cheeks flushed in embarrassment and guilt. You stop riding his pillow, immediately walking towards your boyfriend. “Baby, i-i—“ you were cut off by him with his finger on your lips, “not a word, princess. It’s daddy to you.”

You whimper softly, nodding “j-ja, daddy. M’sorry-!”you pleaded, placing your hands on his chest. He immediately pulled you into a kiss, laying you down on the bed.

You moaned softly, removing his man bun. Your fingers tangle around his soft locks, as he unbuttoned your pajamas. “Looks like my needy baby needs a lesson from her daddy, right honey?” He smiled, groping your breast.

You moaned, nodding. With that, he trails soft, wet kisses down your neck, down your stomach as it reaches its destination. He kissed your clit softly, earning a soft mewl from your lips.

“D-Daddy..” you mutter, biting your lip as he roughly makes out with your folds, moaning as his cold lip piercing hits your warmth.

He eagerly sucks on your clit, maintaining eye contact with you, a smirk on his lips. “You close, baby?” He muttered, not pulling away from your wetness.

You nod, gripping his hair. “oh fuck— daddy, i-im cumming—!” You moaned out, your legs shaking. He slurps up your fluids, smiling as he pulled away from your wetness.

“Ass up, slut.” He slapped your ass, grunting softly. You obey, as he smushed your head in the soft pillows. He unbuttoned his pants, freeing his hardened member.

You whine, earning a spank from Tom. Without a warning, he slammed his girth into you, earning a grunt from him. “You wan’ daddy to fuck you, baby?” He teased, not moving.

“p-please, daddy. need you to f-fuck me..” you whimper, your voice muffled in the pillows. “Too bad, princess. Couldn’t wait till’ daddy got home, hmm?” “Is my pussy that needy?” “c’mon, beg more, slut.”

You moan, as he finally starts thrusting into you at a rough pace. He smirked, lost in the feeling of your tight gummy walls sucking him in. He chuckled, pulling you hair up, making you arch your back.

He smiled, kissing you. He pulled away, panting as he thrusts into you faster. “Yeah, baby? You close? Wanna cum f’your daddy?” He moans.

You nod eagerly, as he let go of your hair, making you fall back into the soft mattress and pillows. “fuck, mmnn! yes— daddydaddy, please!” You mewled, gripping the pillows.

“Cum f’me, baby.” And with that, you moan, releasing your fluids, coating his shaft. He thrusts a little more, before pumping you full of his seed.

He immediately grabs a towel and cleans off both your bodies. He changed into his matching pajamas with you, before cuddling you to sleep.

“that’s my good girl, right baby?”

turns out your boyfriend has a different side of him in bed.

THIS WAS SO RUSHED BUT I HOPE YOU LIKED IT, NOT GOOD BUT NOT BAD. LOVE YOU ALL, STAY SAFE ANGELS. 💋

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utilitycaster · 1 month

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@notstinglesstoo replied to your post “The thing is, and I haven't gotten a chance to...”:

I saw someone not long ago say cr has always felt like a product to them vs D20 feeling organic and I protected my peace but I did want to ask them if they were brain dead

Oh man I wanted to address this at length because I feel this. My posts have been centered, again, specifically on published journalists picking Daggerheart aprt critically and applauding themselves for doing so despite it being within a couple of hours of its release and therefore any analysis is necessarily going to be based on at best, a skim, when they just as frequently will claim D20 seasons/Kollok are flawless works of genius based on only a partial read, but man D20's got a fandom problem too. (and all of the following comes with the caveat of "I really enjoy D20, and Dropout, and while we're at it WBN and NADDPod which both are half D20 Intrepid Heroes cast, and think Brennan is a particularly brilliant GM, and also it's obvious that the D20 and CR casts are on great terms, and wish the fandom for D20 were more welcoming and enjoyable because I feel it wasn't like this when I first started watching, as a CR fan, in late 2019 and has since curdled into something really weird and bad.")

The first point is the obvious one: technically speaking these are both products. These are performers doing an art form; it is also a portion of how they make their money with which they can buy goods and services. Believing that art is inauthentic when the artist gets paid and acknowledges that is a thing that happens is a fucking libertarian position at best. Like cool, you think only people who are independently wealthy by other means can make art, because it's not real labor, my kid could paint that, etc etc.

The second point is also pretty obvious. I have pushed back pretty hard on the "uwu CR is just watching friends! it's like we're in their living room" mentality among the fandom, which has decreased, thankfully, but like...it did in fact start organically as a private home game, and they decided, when invited, to make it A Show For An Audience. D20 was created on purpose as a show for an audience. This doesn't make it bad or fake - reread the previous paragraph - but in terms of "this is an group of people who really played D&D in this world together even before the cameras were rolling," Critical Role literally is that, and D20 is not.

I think beyond that...my biggest issues with the D20 fandom are first, the level of discourse is abominable. The tag is almost always just shrieking praise and the most surface-level readings possible. I keep bringing up the "Capitalism is the BBEG" mug but it genuinely sums up so much of how I feel; people who want their existing beliefs fed to them as surface-level no-nuance takes. I mean capitalism is fucking terrible but I do not need every work I watch to have a character turn to the camera and say "capitalism is bad" to enjoy myself, and indeed it makes it harder due to the lack of subtlety and grace. For all D20 fans complain about how unhealthily parasocial CR fans can be (and some can be), I find that a lot of the most unhealthily parasocial "how dare they BETRAY my TRUST by having a ship I don't like or not speaking up about every single societal ill" ex-CR fans move over to D20 and then pull the exact same shit; it simply doesn't get called out. Every time D20 fans are like "we don't want to become the CR fandom" it's like "your toxic positivity and unhealthy parasocial behavior exceeds the HEIGHT of what I've seen in CR; the main difference is that CR started in 2015 when D&D was still shaking off the raging bigot dudebros and so in the early days it acquired more of those fans, whereas by the time D20 came around the landscape of who played D&D and watched Actual Play had shifted wildly, and you need to judge September 2018 D20 fans in parallel to September 2018 CR fans, not September 2015 CR fans."

I also feel, and I alluded to this in the post about journalism, and other people have said this better than I have, but the pedestal people have put D20 on does feel like a single...not even misstep, but just, difficult choice that doesn't capitulate to the loudest fans will bring a good chunk of that fandom crashing to the ground. And that includes the journalists. For all the fans of CR can still be obsessed with the cast to an unhealthy degree? The cast and company have put up pretty strong boundaries and have not budged. D20 hasn't, and I think the second they do - and I think it will be for their benefit as a company and a channel - a big chunk of their most vitriolic CR-hating portion of the fandom will viciously turn on them.

#notstinglesstoo #nonrebloggable bc god it's hell week for me i know i've been shooting off opinions bc that is how i blow off steam #but like. i can't have this break containment i got shit to do

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obaex · 9 months

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dying to tell you - jj maybank

summary: after a normal beach day takes an unexpected turn, jj has something he needs to say.

word count: 3.7k

tw: 🦈

a/n: inspired by real events that happened to professional surfer mick fanning in 2015 - it is wild to watch!! (see above trigger warning before taking a peek!)

It was the perfect beach day.

You pulled off your flipflops and the bottom of your feet and your toes were tickled by the warm sand. You could hear the woosh of the waves rushing to meet the shore and receding again, a familiar melody. It was early, so the beach was quiet but for the waves and the occasional call of the seagulls flying overhead as the breeze kicked strands of your hair up around your face and made the seagrass in the dunes shake. You smiled to yourself - home for you was this place and the person next to you. You snuck a glance at JJ only to find the same smile on his face, his surfboard tucked under his arm. The beach, and its overwhelming sense of calm, peace, rightness was a love you both share. Your friends were running up ahead of you, dragging coolers, chairs and more surfboards, but the two of you hung back, walking side by side, enjoying the moment. JJ reached out and tangled his fingers lazily in yours and you squeezed back.

A few other locals dotted the shore and several surfers bobbed in the sizable waves. This part of the beach was a revered locals spot, tucked far enough away from the hotels and tourists to remain untouched by their noise and disruptions.

You helped set everything up before unfurling your large blanket, pulling off your clothes and collapsing on top if it, ready to spend the entire day squeezing every bit of sunshine and vitamin D you could into your skin. You loved the hot weather, the way the sun's rays baked ten times hotter off the glinting ocean, the way your skin would feel salty and sticky by the end of the day. You would live here if you could.

The boys were eager to get in the water, haphazardly chucking their backpacks and tearing off their shirts, John B and Pope making a beeline for the water as Kie chased after them yelling something about sunscreen, a lost cause. JJ eyed the water eagerly but his eyes wandered back to you, outstretched in his favorite bikini, the shape accentuating every curve of your body and the color amplifying your tan skin and bright eyes. He wrestled with his choice for only a second before flopping onto the blanket beside you, eyes glimmering mischievously as he reached for you. He couldn't keep his hands off of you on any day, but you looked so tantalizing he couldn't help himself as he pulled you into him and you giggled. His lips found yours and you were immediately lost in each other, lost to the world. Sarah took one look at you both and rolled her eyes. "Every time" she muttered to herself as she walked away to give you some semblance of privacy, wanting to be salty but secretly so stinking happy that the two of you finally got over the stolen glances and dancing around each other to go from friends to more than friends.

He tasted like peppermint from his toothpaste, salt and sunscreen as pushed his tongue in your mouth and you ran your fingers through his tangled blonde hair, a small involuntary moan escaping you at the feeling of his body crushed against yours, his muscular arms around you. JJ responded immediately, and without missing a beat, he lifted you off the blanket, and began walking back towards the Twinkie, never breaking your kiss. "JJ!" you laughed in surprise.

"Can't make noises like that without me wanting to do something absolutely indecent to you, sweetheart. M'taking you back to the Twinkie to spare everyone on this beach the show of a lifetime."

"We just got here!" you said, swatting him playfully on the shoulder. "The boys are waiting for you, we can pick this up later, promise." You pressed your lips to his cheek, sealing the deal.

With a resigned sigh, he placed you back on your feet in the sand, a mischievous smirk resting on his lips as his eyes searched your face, the flirtatious energy lingering but something deeper now running under the surface of his expression. He cupped your face, running a thumb gently over your cheek and his lips parted like he was going to say something. You looked at him inquisitively, unused to him being so serious. As he met your gaze, he stopped himself and smiled warmly. You wanted to ask, wanted to know what he was going to say, but as his lips found yours again, your brain scrambled.

You had been together for a few months but neither of you had said those three little words. Big words, really. You had felt them for a long time, longer than you'd even been together, but you were still trying to navigate this whole thing. Your feelings were overwhelmingly strong but what you had with him felt so special you didn't want to disrupt the balance. The words were on the tip of your tongue, dangerously close to spilling over, like your body's involuntary reaction to his proximity; when you fell asleep in each other's arms, each time you hung up the phone and every time he kissed you and then gave you that look, that smoldering, soul-crushing, heart-squeezing smirk that he was giving you now. And then he was off, peeling off his shirt, grabbing his board and running towards the water, leaving you breathless.

Kie and Sarah made their way back to you as JJ crashed into the waves. They shared knowing glances at you and made sneaky comments. They loved to tease you even though they were your biggest supporters. The boys could surf for hours and that was fine for the three of you, it gave you much needed girl time to catch up and discuss all the things the boys would roll their eyes at. You were comfortably seated in your chairs, facing the water and passing around fruit and snacks chatting idly as you watched the boys surf. They were spread far enough apart in the water to give each other opportunities to catch the waves. It amazed you to watch them surf. You didn't know a lot about surfing, but you knew JJ was good, very good. You could see it in his practiced confidence on the board and the ease with which he navigated each wave. You loved to see him so happy and in his element.

You had turned your attention back to Sarah's story when you heard a loud splash. You had been coming to the beach your whole life, your mind and body in tune with every kind of noise and this one was not one you had heard before. It wasn't the splash of the waves, the splash of children playing, the splash of a surfer at the end of their run, this was loud, aggressive... foreboding. Your eyes scanned the water fast enough to see JJ seated and bobbing alone on his board, his back to you as he faced the oncoming waves before his head snapped back to look behind him as a large fin crested the water.

You were on your feet before you knew what was happening. It was probably only seconds but it felt like a lifetime, like one of those dreams you have when you're running but don't actually go anywhere, your feet pounding the sand, your lungs burning as you shouted for John B and Pope, JJ never leaving your sight. JJ's eyes found yours momentarily before the large fin resurfaced and he got knocked off of his board and you couldn't see him anymore.

JJ didn’t think he could ask for a more perfect day as he bobbed in the waves, feet dangling in the cool water beneath his board. In fact, ever since he had gotten the courage to tell you how he really felt, heavily aided by beer, his friends, and an unrelenting pounding in his chest every time you were close to him, it was like his life had gotten exponentially better.

He stared into middle space as he ran his thumb over his lips, deep in thought at the feeling of yours pressed against them, and reveled in the fact that he could still taste you. He didn’t know how he went without you for so long, now he couldn’t get enough. He loved you. He knew he did, and he’d almost said it to you. Today, and about a hundred times now, including the night he first confessed his feelings. He knew it then. He’d known it for awhile. In truth, he was dying to tell you, dying to get it off his chest. He almost word-vomited it on a daily basis, when you curled into his chest as you fell asleep, every time you scrunched your nose and bit your lip when you were focusing, the way you looked at him when he kissed you, eyes glazed with desire for him. Goddddd, he thought. But a part of him was still insecure. What did he ever do to deserve you? In what realm of possibility could you love him back? He was deep in thought when heard a loud splash behind him that snapped him back to reality as chills ran down his spine.

He knew before he saw the fin. He had been in the water when other surfers spotted sharks, and he John B and Pope did occasionally get that unexplainable sense of foreboding that pulled them out of the water, the intangible surfer’s sense that something simply wasn’t right and the risk wasn’t worth it. That feeling washed so quickly over him now that it felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. He turned to see a large fin breaking the water behind his board as a dark shape moved beneath him, and that’s when he heard you. He turned to see you running towards the water and met your eyes just as the dark shape crested the waves and he was knocked off his board, into darkness.

John B saw you running towards the water and his first instinct was to laugh. You weren't unathletic but he'd never seen you move that fast before. He'd wanted to laugh until he heard the tone of your voice as you called his name. It wasn't joking, it wasn't fun, it was pure terror and his brain began piecing the puzzle together as he saw Sarah and Kie running towards other people on the beach, calling them out of the water and as you pointed desperately at JJ. John B turned his head quickly enough to see his best friend, the one person that had been there through every high and every low alongside him get knocked off his board by a tailfin as a large shape loomed in the water and he crashed into the sea.

He could hear Pope shouting at him but his heart was pounding and the blood rushing in his head made everything sound like he was underwater. Pope was paddling towards the shore.

"We have to help him!" John B cried, his voice high-pitched with emotion, knowing already that their efforts would be fruitless. What were they supposed to do? As far away as he was, he was already shaking as he tucked his own limbs onto his board, like this thin piece of fiberglass would do anything to protect him. He had seen the size of that shark, they were fucked.

JJ swam quickly to the surface, his body pulsing with fear, trying to get a sense of his surroundings, wanting to know what was around him but terrified to find out at the same time. He crested the surface, searching for his board, for any lifeline before deciding it didn't matter and he needed to get the fuck out of there. He began swimming strongly towards the shore, but panicked at the idea of the shark attacking him from behind so he stopped and turned around, frantically searching the water around him, kicking his legs and trying to swim backwards. He couldn't see a thing. He was hyperventilating and as he tried to suck in deep breaths water filled his mouth, causing him to cough. He continued to swim backwards, his eyes never leaving the dark water.

You had never felt as helpless in your entire life as you did standing on that beach, screaming, screaming for JJ, for John B, for Pope, for God, for anyone to intervene as your eyes searched the water for him, stomach roiling and mind churning with the worst possible outcomes. When you saw his head emerge from the waves, you began to run into the water.

"What are you doing?!" Kie shouted, exasperated as she threw her arms around you to pull you back.

"I have to go! I have to get to him!" you shouted back, trying to wrench yourself from her grip as you gestured to the waves. Wasn't if obvious? JJ needed you. Your whole heart was out there alone, bobbing in the water alongside an eight-foot shark. You wrestled in her arms, eyes never leaving the water as you watched him swim, heart catching each time a wave crested and you momentarily lost sight of him. He looked okay? Could that be possible? Was the universe that good? That he could look death in the face and still come back to you? Suddenly he stopped swimming for the shore and turned around, looking back in the murky depths, trying to backpedal, to backstroke. Did he see something? Was it coming back?

John B and Pope caught up to you both and Sarah put her arms tightly around John B as you watched. The group was stone silent.

Finally, it was too much for you, you shoved Kie off of you and sprinted into the water despite her shouts and the gasps of the crowd that had gathered. You were about waist-deep in the rough current, getting rocked by each wave when JJ finally turned to see you standing there, wading towards him.

"N-NO!" he shouted, motioning you back, moving as quickly as he could to force you back into shallower water, but his limbs were sluggish and tired and the current tugged him deeper. "GET OUT OF THE WATER!" He shouted, surprised at the anger and fear in his voice. You jumped slightly at that, never having been the object of JJ's anger before, but you didn't listen, you didn't care. You needed to know he was okay more than you needed to be okay yourself. You met him in chest-high water, your body crashing into his. He held you tightly, he wanted to enjoy this moment, but his brain and his body were still tightly wound in survival mode as he tugged you forward with him, needing to get you to safety, needing to know you were okay more than he needed to be okay. He wouldn't feel good about that until you were both firmly on dry land. When you were in ankle deep water, your friends converged on you, pulling you both into a hug as the small crowd that had gathered clapped and cheered, murmuring with disbelief at what had just occurred.

Everything thereafter was a blur. The beach day was over, no one wanting to spend any more time here after what had happened. Your friends buzzed around you, packing up the coolers and chairs and walking back to the Twinkie. You didn't leave JJ's side, didn't bother getting dressed or picking up your blanket, you stayed tucked into him, with his arms wrapped around you and he couldn't have been more grateful for the feeling of your body pressed to his, grounding him, a constant reminder that he was safe. The car ride home was mostly silent, the radio scratching in the background as JJ sat hunched over, his head in his hands, your head on his shoulder. You caught John B's eyes in the rearview mirror from his spot in the front seat, where he shared a brief, knowing smile with you. He's here, he's with us, it said. It's going to be okay, and I'm glad he has you.

By the time you got back to the chateau the mood was shifting slightly. There was still a heaviness in the air, thick with all that could have been, but the fog was parting and JJ couldn't stand the tension anymore. "I'm sensing a real heavy vibe right now" he said jokingly. "I don't know about y'all but I could use a fucking drink" and with that everyone cheered and his face lit up in a smile.

The night passed in typical pogue fashion with beers around the bonfire. Everyone was eager to shed the events of the day and relax, yourself included. You joined in on the fun but kept one eye trained on JJ, tracing his every move with your gaze. You told yourself it was to make sure he was okay, but a part of you couldn't stop staring, afraid that if you looked away for too long he would disappear again under a dark wave. He hadn't left your side, a hand resting on your thigh, an arm around your shoulders or tugging you to sit on his lap. He was always handsy with you, but this felt different, like you were a lifeline, a buoy he didn't want to let go of. You were in his lap, your head resting against his with his arms around you, his fingers tracing patters on your leg when he nuzzled into your ear, pressing a kiss along your jaw. "Hammock?" he whispered and you nodded, smiling as you hopped off his lap and the two of you made your way to the secluded spot amidst catcalls and whistles from your friends.

He settled into the swinging fabric first, holding it steady for you to crawl in to lay beside him. Your bodies fit perfectly together as the hammock swung gently back and forth, your head tucked into his neck, your arm around his chest. You felt him breath a deep sigh as his arms tugged you impossibly closer to him and he planted a kiss on your head. You turned to look at him and met his eyes, midnight blue in the starlight as he looked down at you.

"Are you okay?" you whispered. A simple question that had ten other questions behind it.

He nodded sincerely but didn't say anything. You had been hoping for more. Hoping to talk to him about this. If he wasn't going to say anything, you were going to have to break the silence.

"Jayj, I-I was really scared" you said, your voice quivering a little as you spoke. "I'm so glad you're okay. All I could think as I watched you out there was what I was going to do if something happened to you, I was out of my mind."

"I gathered that when you were sprinting into shark infested water while everyone was running out of it" he said, smirking as he pinched your arm playfully. You could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and that maybe he didn't want to talk about this, but you didn't want to talk about it with anyone else, you didn't think they'd understand.

"I'm serious, JJ. I guess I don't know how to explain it, I don't have the words for it. It was more than just the idea of not being able to reach you, of losing you, it was the idea of all the things we wouldn't get to do together. Like never having another bonfire night or taking a ride on your bike, or w-waking up in your arms or g-getting to k-kiss you or --" you could have kept going but your tears bubbled over and JJ's heart broke at the sight of you unravelling in his arms. He was holding himself together as best he could and he knew you were too.

"C'mere pretty girl, it's okay, I'm okay" he said as he wrapped you deeper in his arms and your tears left wet marks on his shirt.

"I'm sorry Jayj" you said, trying to collect yourself. "I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion--" and hearing you apologize was the last straw.

"-- You're not" he said softly. "I felt the exact same way." He sighed. He didn't want to relive it, like maybe if you didn't talk about it, you could pretend it never happened.

"Really?" you asked.

"100%" he replied. "When I turned and saw you before I got knocked off my board all I could think is how far away you were and what I would have to do to get back to you. I was going to wrestle that thing if I needed to." You both laughed at that. "But for real, I know what you mean, I had the same thoughts. Even though I was absolutely shitting myself, it was like flashes in my head of you and all the things I still wanted to do and experience together... all the things I should have said..." he paused and fidgeted a little.

"Hey, look at me" he said finally, putting a finger gently under your chin and tilting it towards him. He smiled and met your eyes, wiping a tear off your cheek. "If I was shark bait today, my biggest regret would have been not telling you how I felt, how I feel. I-I love you. A lot. A whole hell of a lot. I have since before we were together. You're the first thing I think about in the morning and my last thought before bed. You're the girl of my damn dreams Y/N and I never want to do life without you. You're it for me, gorgeous. Full stop. No one else." He said it with more confidence than he felt as it came pouring out of him, relieved to finally have it off of his chest.

Now he was desperately trying to read your response. She's smiling, that's a good thing, right?

Yes, you were smiling. Grinning from ear to ear as you listened to the boy of your dreams absolutely gushing over you. You were speechless for a moment, grasping at the words to say, words you'd wanted to say for so long.

"I love you too" you said finally, "So much, JJ" you were able to eke out before he crushed his lips to yours.

ps: sharks are friends and are so important to our ecosystem and our lil' planet! you are more likely to get bit by another human than you a shark (fact), more likely to die from ants, elephants, hotdogs and texting than a shark attack (also fact), and they only bite because they are curious, they do not want to eat you (also fact). so, be kind, be respectful, support sharks. #endrant

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