#like deeply personal

[coryfirelion]

Demi thoughts

Just thinking how being “demi” changes the world as I -demi romantic- see. And hear me out because here it comes my very sloppy description of how I see the world. Yes, “I”, me, myself; I can’t talk about other people’s experiences, so I’m writing MINE, okay? Okay, Good.

I never knew I was demi until it hit me like a train in my face. Confusion and soooo much questioning around helped to finally get to the “Oh shit, THIS IS IT! I’m demi!” And oh boy... my brain and heart were a mess.

(Some) Allos can go around and feeling butterflies just by looking pretty people in a bus ride and then, they never see them again and they can be fine with that. For me, it was like a long ass process of being nothing, to mutuals to friends to OH SHIT!

“I like this person! This person is my best friend! I can trust so much to them! They support me and help me be better! ....... Wait a second... why do I feel weird yet not uncomfortable talking to them? My heart is doing a weird shit, should I go to the doctor?? *Does research and comments about it to some friends* ***GASPS IN SPANISH***”

Many people say that Demi is just a normal person, that’s being loyal to your partner and yada yada yada. It’s not. I can assure you. What allos have with anyone that they might find attractive, we only it have with this (or these, because yes, demis can be poly too!) person! And it makes us feel so deep.

For me, it was finally understanding romantic song, finding the meaning in the expression “belonging to someone”, to want a person, to want to make them happy and to make their happiness one of your objectives in life. Yes, it all sounds common and trivial, but man, when it happens to a demi, it’s not common, it’s not trivial. It’s precious and treasured, because we don’t feel like that with just anyone, only with that person (people) that has our trust and confidence and makes our world better. And for me, it has brought to where I am, literally on the other side of the world, sharing an apartment with my girlfriend. And I swear I’ve never been so happy in my life.

Yes, this has turned out into a long ass ramble of many thoughts in one place >:v well, that’s how my brain goes, bear it with me xD

#personal #like deeply personal #demiromantic #demi #thoughts #demi thoughts #you can ask about this if you want #my dms are always open for everyone #:) #arospec #queer #qpr #queerplatonic #queerplatonic relationship

[evidently-endless]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

#[big sign that says this post is not exclusively about ts] #mountain goats fan take i know but #(quietly) the confessional style is almost losing impact because every goddamn thing has to be excavated from the depths of the soul now #and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd. #i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist! #something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content #idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently #mine

[ciil]

what makes us any different?

#my art #alien stage #alien stage spoilers #i finally scratched the itch in my brain just a lil #anyways i am fondly thinking abt comic of ivan antagonizing sua and respectfully sir ur a clown (me saying this while crying) #tfw ur both dead eyed dark haired high achievers who love deeply and would risk it all for ur person #i love that they r so similar in the lengths they'll go to but they're also like ewwww at each other #ivan and sua alien stage u'll always be famous to me

[twinstxrs]

idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.

#riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #these kids are all so self-sacrificing but i do think riz gorgug are the most clear (& juxtaposed) self-sacrificers #riz will mentally tear himself to pieces and get lost in cases and take on ungodly levels of stress for those he loves #gorgug will use himself as a human shield. he will take hit after hit if it means his friends are okay. #and they’d both do the other thing too. riz would let himself get hit for gorgug. gorgug would pull all nighters & take stress for riz. #even if mechanically they can’t or it wouldn’t make sense. they would if they could. #also #the starstruck barry mechanic of being a guard is so gorgug. it’s soooo gorgug like that’s literally him #anyways love this tall green guy & this short green guy so much #especially because gorgug is tall & considered intimidating but protective in a deeply kind way #while riz is short & underestimated but protective in a deeply vicious way (affectionate) #i hope this makes sense but i think riz is primarily ‘i would kill for you’ & gorgug is primarily ‘i would die for you’ maybe #this does not mean gorgug would not kill for riz or riz would not die for gorgug. they both would. #but those are the primary ways their love manifests due to the nature of their strengths/personalities. To Me #idk this is all just me saying stuff when i should be sleeping 😭 #sorry if i missed a riz gorgug moment in the main post btw i’m tired

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl found dead in a hidden room.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #qin su #EDIT: Tumblr published an earlier draft with only half the notes I wrote so: late entry on my JGY thoughts. #Unlike the mystic powers of the stockmarket (what the OG meme is referring to) I think this situation calls for more active investigation. #qin su is such a deeply tragic character to me and I really wish we got a bit more from her. #Love everyone who sent me messages about her after the last time she appeared. #I think she needs a spin off of her being a transmigrator SO badly. #MDZS has so many interesting characters - but it sometimes fails to give them the proper room to really develop past a role in the plot. #That's just the consequence of writing a story like MDZS. Not every character in a book *needs* to have a rich inner life and backstory! #To do so would bog down the story and obliterate any notion of pacing. It's just not possible. #Jin Guangyao (nee Meng Yao) is unfortunately not free from this leeway rule. He is the culprit of this murder mystery plot #and thus NEEDS to encapsulate the themes of the book. And personally he's a 7 out of 10 at best on this front (in the AD). #MDZS is about rumours twisting reality and working towards truth. And about how people & situations are rarely ever black & white #JGY has his motivations. He's well written in regards to his actions making sense for his character. #What started as good traits (drive to succeed & improve his image) became twisted over time (do anything to maintain his image) #and it's a good parallel to WWX! He has the same arc (with different traits)! Bonus points for IGY in that regard. #but man....by the time we confront this guy for murder there's not a lot of grey morality. He's just...deep in the hole *he* dug. #There's a beautiful tragedy to it! More on JGY in later comics - this is getting pretty long already!

[shorthaltsjester]

watching the sdcc panel and i am just very :) about how sweet their answers to “what are some of the micro moments from the game that have stuck with you the most over the years?” are. taliesin saying what the fuck is up with that which was the first like The Party Gets To Know Each Other moments of c3. travis saying asking his wife if he could kiss her in campaign. marisha going way back to the cannonball competition in campaign one. ashley choosing the beauyasha date but also just the silly goat noise matt made. liam adding onto that to compliment matt roleplaying grass so well and then saying his favourite moment was writing a story for laura and reading it to her as caleb for jester. and then matt saying that was his answer, and that his favourite moments of the game are when they find ways to give gifts to each other whether tangible or not. and sam saying his favourite moments have less to do with the story and is more so when he can just. see his friends across the table from him. when marisha perches and when laura and ashley are (badly) drawing dicks and liam saying he loves when sam sneezes and ashley tells him to stop it and just. yeah. they Are an extremely popular online powerhouse, but i’m so happy that they’re also friends building a world together out of gifts to and love for one another.

like i Am so enamoured with the characters and the world of exandria but the moments when you can feel the love that those people have for each other reach out from behind the stained glass of their performances (to steal a metaphor from brennan lee mulligan) are so extremely special and i am endlessly grateful that they decided to share their silly little home game with the world.

#it’s just the. laura and travis’ characters always being supportive of one another when they’re facing hardship #taliesin and marisha consistently making characters who challenge one another and still protect each other relentlessly #all of them being so fond of ashley’s characters always and literally seeing them light up in c1 episodes when ash got to join in person #sam and liam always making characters who offer one another reprieves into kindness that they don’t always get in the campaign setting #liam making orym after falling in love with keyleth as vax #marisha making laudna after matt’s storytelling with delilah and choosing vex as her body double #ashley using ‘i would like to rage’ and matt having kord ask her where she finds her strength #laura and matt always weaving these deeply complicated and emotional interactions between a daughter and a father #the gasps and yells and clapping when matt makes cool sound effects or reveals a map or breaks/ends on a cliff hanger #them ending both campaign 1 and 2 with ‘what a great/nice story’ and travis saying ‘let’s do it again!’ #and it’s like. yes yes i love the comics and i’m a fan of tlovm but . seeing this well produced thing that somehow mimics #the feeling i get sitting in my living room laughing with my roommates about my ranger’s giant rat failing to climb stairs #it’s very special it’s very sweet #critical role #sdcc 2023 #taliesin jaffe #travis willingham #marisha ray #ashley johnson #liam o’brien #matthew mercer #laura bailey #sam riegel #cr cast #critical role cast #my posts

[ouroblorbos]

some older ms paint/aggie drawings pertaining to my rp server again :3

#karkat honestly kinda seems like the type of person who like… not super into video games #but really fucking intense about things that are meant to be like. cozy games or what have you #idk i think it kinda fits with his general vibe of hardass who actually cares very deeply about his friends lol #homestuck #dave strider #karkat vantas #davekat #ouroart

[spriteofmushrooms]

The first time Jin Guangyao held Jin Ling did not go as he'd expected. Jiang Wanyin, half-mad and barely functional, for some reason had been allowed into the nursery by Jin-furen. The moment whispers of this reached Jin Guangyao, of course he went to intercede; and it was fortunate he had. He could hear wailing halfway down the corridor.

"Why is he crying?" Jiang Wanyin demanded of the wetnurse as he held the baby incorrectly.

"This one is sure Sandu Shengshou knows better than her," she replied, eyes wide. Jin Guangyao made note of this, but he had few hopes of improvement. Jin servants knew to be meek.

"Obviously, I don't," Jiang Wanyin snapped, brows furrowed as he stared down at Jin Ling. Jin Guangyao purposefully brushed the silk of his robe, and like a dog Jiang Wanyin raised his head at the sound. "Lianfang-zun, what am I doing wrong?"

With a smile, Jin Guangyao moved between the shaking wetnurse and the mad dog of Lotus Pier. "Jiang-zongzhu, babies require support. Adjust your hand--yes, ah, slightly to the side--"

"Please just show me," Jiang Wanyin said, sounding tired as he held out Jin Ling.

The moment stilled. If his cultivation were better, Jin Guangyao believed he would hear the wetnurse's breath stop. She was, after all, expressly forbidden from allowing his whoreson hands to touch his nephew; yet neither of them could deny a sect leader.

A-Ling was warm and soft, sweetly heavy as all babies should be. His embroidered, daffodil-colored swaddling still burned with the heat of Jiang-zongzhu's high cultivation. Automatically, Jin Guangyao checked the boy for a fever; but of course no illness was allowed to fester in this child.

His chubby cheeks were red from crying, but as Jin Guangyao settled him in his arms, Jin Ling slowly quieted.

"As expected of Lianfang-zun," Jiang Wanyin said, slightly mocking.

When Jin Guangyao gauged his expression from under his eyelashes, however, Jiang Wanyin seemed wistful. He looked as young as he was.

(For a moment, Wen Ruohan's laughter filled his mind. "Xiao-zongzhu" had been a common target of derision, in the beginning. Wen Chao's account of the rape of Lotus Pier had been unusually thorough, and its contents were well-known amongst Wen Ruohan's inner circle. Jin Guangyao had not included the details in his reports to either his father or Lan Xichen. He doubted that this discretion would matter at all to Jiang Wanyin, who had tortured Wen Chao at the side of Wei Wuxian. What would he do to Jin Guangyao for being the last to know?)

Choosing to ignore the self-deprecation and memories both, Jin Guangyao instructed Zidian's master on the handling of human children. Jiang Wanyin made an attentive student, but he did not reach to take Jin Ling even once Jin Guangyao finished. "Would you like to hold him?"

Frowning with concentration, Jiang Wanyin nodded and sidled closer. He held his arms as Jin Guangyao had shown him, and then he checked Jin Guangyao's face, seeking approval.

"Good," Jin Guangyao said. Jiang Wanyin didn't smile, but some tension eased. Careful not to touch hands, Jin Guangyao returned Jin Ling to his jiujiu.

The wetnurse's gentle "oh" described the scene well.

Against the black and violet, Jin Ling looked like a ray of sunshine piercing clouds. Jiang Wanyin's face cleared until he looked as delicately beautiful as gossip painted him to be; while Jin Guangyao generally considered him fragile, it was more in the sense of an arrow point designed to break once it pierced flesh. Now, though, he could understand why Jiang Wanyin was so often painted as a mourning lover spurned by the Yiling Laozu.

Then Jin Ling fell asleep, and Jiang Wanyin's eyes watered. He slowly settled onto the couch, careful not to jostle their nephew.

"How long can I stay?"

Ideally, half an incense stick. Jin Guangyao turned to the wetnurse. "Could you please ask Jin-furen to advise us?"

She bowed her head and left.

After a few moments, Jiang Wanyin said, "She needs guards in the room with her. If she can't even tell me I've fucked up, how will she fare against assassins?"

"Gold Scale Tower has many guards," Jin Guangyao began, but Jiang Wanyin snorted.

"Where do you think we are? If some pompous Jin cousin demands Jin Ling, would she say no? Much less someone with weapons drawn."

"As a servant--"

"Jiang servants can and would."

Jin Guangyao smiled. "Is it not true that Jiang servants are entirely comprised of disciples, disciple candidates, and those who failed to cultivate but chose to stay?"

"It's a sect," Jiang Wanyin answered. "Typically, they are operated like sects, yes."

"Gold Scale Tower must run in accordance with its scale," Jin Guangyao said. "The servants are often merely servants."

Jiang Wanyin, whose face displayed his opinion of that, said nothing for a moment, allowing Jin Guangyao to notice his headache. "She needs guards for herself, not just outside of the room," he repeated.

"Perhaps this is something you can address with Jin-furen?"

Looking up from Jin Ling, Jiang Wanyin studied him. "Alright. Is there anything else you want me to say?"

Jin Guangyao's fingers twitched with the desire to straighten his gold robes. "Between Jin-furen and Jiang-zongzhu, I am sure that all concerns have been considered."

"Please, you notice everything and didn't accept one single item I suggested for a-jie's wedding," Jiang Wanyin said. "Do you expect me to believe you don't have opinions on Jin Ling?"

Jin Guangyao inclined his head, and then he tentatively offered an observation and a suggestion. When Jiang Wanyin merely looked thoughtful, Jin Guangyao continued; while Jiang Wanyin occasionally asked clarifying questions, he never reacted emotionally.

It was... strange, to be in a room with this man, discussing the care of a child he wasn't allowed to do anything for. He wondered what he must look like to Jiang Wanyin to be accepted so easily as an expert on Jin Ling, on anything. Unsettling.

Yet unlike Nie Mingjue, being seen didn't seem dangerous; unlike Wen Ruohan, being noticed didn't accompany invitations to violence.

No, Jiang Wanyin observed him, and his conclusion was that Jin Guangyao could teach him how to hold his one treasure.

For the first time, it seemed like sharing a nephew with this man might be interesting, not simply alarming. Jin Guangyao looked forward to observing him further.

#pallas.rtf #mdzs #chengyao #my writing #i've never written from jgy's pov before 🙈 hopefully it's not too wrong #i wanted to show that jgy is the kind of person who is always thinking; always remembering; always connecting threads #you know. the kind of person who won't get dementia because his neural links are too vast and sexy #and also that he's afraid All The Time #anyway. #chengyao real #also that he plays with jiang cheng like a very stupid but cute puppy #this is deeply important to me and my chengyao feelings

[ruporas]

lonely

[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”

The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”

The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"

The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."

The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"

The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"

The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"

The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."

The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in #the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when #they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves #humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was #young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly #here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos #really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him #in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save. #in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who #knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day #theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together. #trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only #be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back #to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma. #ruporas art

[haunted-xander]

I guess old feelings don't disappear that easily

#thinking about her always and forever #trauma isnt easy to overcome and even if/when u do its not like it just leaves #rynes so used to living in anothers shadow that figuring out herself must be hard #especially when its interwoven with the complicated relationship youve had with the person you cared for the most #like ryne clearly looked up to and cared for thancred deeply even when he was fucking up #a big part of why she was struggling so much the entire time was because she wanted thancred to care for her as HER #and not just minfilia reborn #but she couldnt really see herself as anything else and thancred had his Whole Deal going on #so even after things get better and their relationshop mends itself #shed probably still have some fears about the whole situation #like what if im just a replacement still? #and such #okya thats enough ranting. im so Normal about her ok im the Normalest ever. #ryne waters #thancred waters #minfilia warde #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art #xander being insane about ryne

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

"If this sort of genocide happened in somewhere like America people wouldn't be ignoring it."

*stares at the camera in Native American*

this isn't to downsize the the slaughter of Palestinians but to point out that America is more than comfortable with slaughter not only overseas but on its own soil so long as it secures their efforts in colonization. If you call me a Zionist for this post I'm taking your bones.

#it just makes me wonder #who exactly do you think counts as a person #what is an acceptable tragedy to you #and i feel like its easy to blame Israel because of antisemitism and how deeply it runs #its more difficult to accept that your own people not only caused but continue to benefit from the genocide of my people

[mercifullymad]

i feel passionately about the need to enfold people experiencing (or diagnosed) with "just" depression or anxiety into the mad pride project. the more people who view themselves as mad, the better. much as the rhetorical move from "neurotypical" to "neuroconforming" emphasizes the artifice & social construction of "neurotypicality," so too will expanding identification as "mad" expose the sane/mad dichotomy as a false one.

it's true that (some) people with "just" depression and/or anxiety have an easier time navigating the psych system than people who have more stigmatized diagnoses. but this is not to say that they necessarily have an easy time — the carceral psych system is hostile to everyone subsumed by it, even the most "privileged" patients. we should of course critique & examine how our experiences are shaped by various intersections of privilege, but we cannot forget or ignore how someone with "just" a depression/anxiety diagnosis can still experience the full force of the carceral psych system brought down upon them (including but not limited to involuntary institutionalization, police intervention, & forced medication or other forced treatment).

we must encourage, if not insist, that those with the least-stigmatized diagnoses view their difficult experiences navigating the psych system as bound up with the liberation of people who have more stigmatized diagnoses &, often, a more violent experience of the psych system. we need more people to drop the "i have anxiety/depression but i'm not crazy" line and say loudly, "i have anxiety/depression & i am crazy. my access to just treatment is linked to the conditions of all other crazy people, who are my allies, peers, & friends. we are united in our cause & we all deserve a more liberating system of care."

#mad pride #mad liberation #disability justice #the way that one IG influencer who called depression & anxiety “vanilla” diagnoses has lived rent-free in my mind for the past five years.. #i was soooo upset by that for like three years & now i'm like. okay. it is a little funny. #but also i do think that somewhere in the 'destigmatization'/commodification of anxiety/depression (treatment) #we have lost the plot & forgotten that 'just' these experiences on their own can still be deeply distressing & chronic & endangering #& can make people (be viewed as) just as 'crazy' as someone with a more stigmatized diagnosis #& for me personally my experiences of anxiety & depression have been far more disabling than anything else #sorry i keep editing this post to correct typos...story of my life

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

My rendition of @tempo-takoyaki's DTIYS!

Congrats on the milestones! And to everyone else, please go check out their 'Drawing TGCF (except I haven't read the books)' series!

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #svsss #tgcf #wei wuxian #shen qingqiu #xie lian #better drawn mdzs #(Vaguely??? I think SQQ came out handsome enough to put him in my special gallery) #Showing up to submit this less than 3 days before the DTIYS ends is filling me with a bit of anxiety but it is done! #Initially I was going to do a descending level of realism/detail but noses make me nervous still. One day I'll get there. #The irony is that I was planning on drawing something to celebrate tempo finishing season 1 of their series only to find this DTIYS! #*and* it was their birthday recently. I am compelled to lift them into the air and shout their praises. #What a genuinely kind person with an art style I want to bite into like a crunchy apple!!! The *range* is incredible! #Also their xie lian is probably one of my favourite interpretations. So done with everything but not misanthropic. #Remembers everything and lets other's spin in circles with their lies for the sheer chaos of it all. Teases relentlessly. Deeply sad. #Give it a read! They are planning on continuing on so now is a great time to catch up! #Thanks for hosting this fun art challenge Tempo! We all appreciate you deeply B*) #I hope you have a better year in 2024 - you truly deserve the best.

[moesoup]

visdev sketches for a project

#my art #sketchbook #character design #GUYS. hold on hold on WAIT. this is deeply personal art that pertains to my actual life i'm begging you to be normal about it in the tags #i get it. i get it. you like the man with glasses but that is ME IRL LMAO #and the other man is an effigial representation of another actual living breathing person please try to be respectful. . . #glad everyone is enjoying the artwork that came from some of the most devastating things i've ever felt in my entire life though #. . . actually. i've changed my mind. i resent that this is spreading like a communicable disease

[ohitslen]

Promises

He should know better. 

Wolfwood has seen Vash make promises, or hear about the ones he has made in the past. He has also seen the end of each one and how every single time the outcome is less than what was promised. 

Vash likes to say embellished words, with a soft and determined voice that lures you into his hopes and dreams, it almost feels like a spell, as if he was calling for you to come closer and believe him. But Wolfwood knows better.

He believes in him, but Vash is much closer to being an idealistic dreamer than a realistic person like he is. He might not be aware of it, but his beautiful promises of a better future give people hope, a hope that is usually embraced with things like disappointment and abandonment. 

He doesn’t think that Vash does it with the intent of looking for any of those things. Far from it, he might even do the impossible in order to accomplish said promises, but life is too short and humans are too mortal for his wishes, so in the end, most of Vash’s promises end up being empty or they come to haunt him as a reminder of his failed vows. He admires the man, for his perseverance and idealism, but he also hates the man, for his stubbornness and lies. 

Wolfwood knows all of this perfectly to a tee. And yet, he has also found himself being drawn to his world. Because he also dreams of it.

A world in where his always present calls for love and peace exist, a world that is far more kind than what he might deserve, a world in where the kids can be happy and roam around without any worry in their heads, a world in where he can peacefully turn grey with age and his hands can shed the harsh callouses of his life. Who knows, maybe a world in where he and Vash can finally know the peace that was taken away from them, in where they can share the calmness that comes with the passage of time, indulging in every tick of the clock welcoming with open arms whatever comes their way without any fear.

It is a beautiful promise. But Wolfwood is a person that has to keep his feet on the ground, indulging in “what ifs” would only make things harder than what they had to be. He can’t have any ifs if he can’t make it through the now. And by the way he is carrying his present, he is doubtful he will even get to see a shed of that promised world that Vash tries to drag him into. So why mourn something he doesn’t even have, or will ever have for that matter.

He hates the way Vash seems to promise things so easily. His tongue silky and pliant, slipping divine words one after the other, promises way too big for what that barren world can actually fit. 

But when Vash talks to him in that holy voice of his, when he hears him say “It’s okay, everything will be alright, I promise” so gently right on his ear, while he holds his face so tenderly making him focus on him and nothing else, he wants to believe him.

He has seen the end of his promises. He knows how impossible they are. But for once, he wants to believe it too. Believe in that loving world that will cradle them both until they fall asleep, listening to the soft sound of the wind laughing while the moons smile upon them. 

So he allows himself to indulge in the warmth of his palms, leaning into the comfort of his existence, feeling the soft air of Vash’s breaths against his skin while their foreheads meet in a touch that feels like a hot brand that will melt him.

For an instant, he allows himself to be selfish and believe that maybe, that is how living in that world Vash so desperately fights for would be. Soft and warm, making him feel safe in the hollow of Vash’s hands where the world seems to fit so well. A world where the blue sky is a blanket that covers the love and care that is nestled in it like the one in Vash’s eyes. He wants to see that world.

For now, he will selfishly think that the world that fits in Vash’s hands is right there in where he is holding him, where his blue eyes are drowning in the light of the sunset dripping with love and care while looking at him, that the gentle touch of Vash’s thumb wiping his tears is the same as the kiss of that laughing wind in that distant future, where the smile of his eyes overcomes the smile of the moons.

He should know better. But he loves the thought of that world. And he hopes that Vash will get to see that world, because that gentle sight is more fitting for someone like him than the one of his violent world.

He promises to himself that he will do what it takes for that day to be possible. Even if the end of that promise will be empty for Nicholas, he knows it will be a full one for Vash. So it really isn’t that empty for him after all.

He hates his lies, and he hates how true they sound, but Vash’s embellished words are far sweeter than his bitter thoughts so they feel better on his insides, almost like a balm that cares for the wounds of his throbbing, painful reality.

He should know better.

But aren’t humans weak at the promise of love?

#yeah….mm…mhm yeah #my thoughts were going crazy with this one. because WW crying is something that has me week on the knees #WEAK FFS #also the thought of him becoming bare and emotional at the hands of Vash makes me want to jump around until I pass out #think of it. he is afraid of him in a way. but he trusts him so deeply too it’s such a contrasting and little contradictory thing #more like. denial after denial but yk what I mean. because that’s the whole post #also as a fun fact. while on the making of this thing the line of “it’s okay. everything will be alright. I promise #it’s meant to be said by Vash to WW #but also I did it considering that a)Vash is saying it to himself as well and b)it’s something WW wants to say to Vash as well #they are both incredibly pained men and they know it but don’t adress it. so verbally saying such words to each other issssUUUEHWHAGAH #ah yes. the intimacy of being emotionally vulnerable with the person who you would trust your life to but never openly say shit to eachother #isn’t that such an amazing flavor? I won’t lie to you it’s one of my favorites #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #trigun fanart #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #nicholas the punisher #lenssi writes #lenssi draws #trigun 2023 #trigun 98 #because I did a mishmash on WW design bc this is meant to be TriStamp time skip in my mind #his eyes were originally their canon steel blue/grayish tone. but while doing the lighting the brown looked gorgeous #i couldn’t help myself so I left it that way. because there is something so beautiful abt his eyes shining like that in #the afternoon light while he becomes undone under the sunset ya feel me? #OHFUCKIALMOSTFORGOT another little detail. Vash’s right hand doesn’t have a glove and it’s on purpose btw you’re welcome