#like everything is saved to that hard drive

[aalyssah]

In Need For A Hug

Pairing: Hook x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff!

Word Count: 1,457

Summary: When Hook looses his FTW Title, he becomes distant from you, but after nights of being alone, he finally comes back to you.

A/N: Tbh I'm not really into AEW that much anymore. BUT, I'll  try to keep writing for it. Anyways, Hope You Enjoy!

"1, 2, 3!"

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

He lost.

Hook just lost his title.

Boos erupted around the arena as Powerhouse Hobbs snatched the title out of Bryce's hands. He quickly left the ring and retreated up the ramp with his team, the Don Callis Family.

They just helped him win and Hook was pissed. Pissed at the fact he let them get away with it. He was ready, he knew they would come out eventually, but he was so focused on Don that he didn't see Hobbs from behind.

After laying on the mat for almost 3 minutes fans cheered for Hook as he slowly got up. He had his classic blank look on his face, but if you looked really deeply into his eyes, you'll see the hurt he's feeling.

Hook walked out the ring and backstage, ignoring the calls of his Dad who left the commentary table. "Hook! Son, come here!" He still ignored him, walking forward to his locker room.

You sat on the couch, mouth open in shock. Hook was just telling you how ready he was to fight more than one person, but he was clearly distracted and that caused him to lose.

The door practically busted open as Hook instantly went to his duffel bag to get some sweats before heading for the shower, but you stopped him with the call of his name. "Hook? He paused as he lifted a shirt, turning to look at you.

"Are you okay? I know you must be feeling very-" You stopped talking when he walked away, closing and locking the bathroom door. You sat back down on the couch and then the sound of the shower coming on made you let out a sigh.

He really was upset.

About 10 minutes later a couple of small knocks hit the door. You got up and opened it, seeing Taz standing there with his signature shades on. "Hey there, kid. You talk to Hook?"

You sadly shook your head at his question. "No. He ignored me and went to the bathroom to wash up." Taz nodded his head, looking near the bathroom door and that's when he saw Hook standing there dressed in some black sweats and a HOOK shirt.

"Aye, you okay? I know title loss can be a hard thing, but you'll get it back. Trust." Hook scoffed under his breath. He didn't want to get it back, he should've never lost it in the first place.

"I'm tired." He uttered out, grabbing his duffel bag and walking out the room, bumping into you and his father. You both watched him as he walked down the hall and through the parking lot door.

Your hands fell on your thighs as you let out a loud breath. "Well, he's tired. I'll see you next week, Taz." You said, giving him a smile and walking to the parking lot.

You went to the car and Hook was already in, sitting in the passenger's seat, his bag already in the backseat. "You got everything?" You asked as you started the car. You got nothing, but silence.

“Alright, I guess so." You muttered to yourself, pulling out and getting on the road.

The whole 20 minute drive was sort of awkward. Every time you tried to talk to him you would get a silent response or even a side eye.

You would say, 'Okay' or. 'Anyways' to break off the awkward silence, but it didn't work. There was no music being played, not talking, not even a touch, just the sounds of the outside world.

It would've been peaceful if the tension wasn't so thick.

-

23 minutes later, you were pulling into the driveway of your shared house. Instead of going to a hotel and having to get up to drive home, you decided to come home to save sleep time, gas, and your time.

Hook opened the door and grabbed his bags and made a b-like for the bedroom. You sighed and got out of the car. This was gonna be a long night.

A long night it was. Hook didn’t say ‘goodnight,’ he didn’t give you a kiss, nor did he cuddle you to sleep like he always does. You felt empty. Lonely without his touch and that’s how it went on for the rest of the week.

Before you could wake up Hook was already out of bed and into the gym. You know why he’s up so early, but sometimes you want him to still stay in bed with you, hold you for a while, but he’s so focused on getting that belt back that it’s taking over his mind.

This morning was like no other. You were in the kitchen, making your cup of coffee when the sound of the front door opened. You looked and saw Hook walking in, sweaty, his shorts clinging onto his legs.

“Oh, good thing you’re here, the sink has been acting up since last night. I think something’s wrong.” You announced your worries, but Hook ignored you as he kept walking to the bedroom

“Hook.” You called, following him.

You forgot about the sink issue and when you went to use it this morning water sprayed EVERYWHERE, and you were pissed. That’s when you knew it needed to be fixed.

“Hook. I’m talking to you!” You called once more as he reached the bathroom. “Stop ignoring me!” You said and Hook quickly whipped around. “Shut up and get out my face.”

You felt your body freeze as he said that. The way he sounded. He’s never sounded this rude before and especially not to you.

Before you could have time to process what he said, the door was harshly slammed in your face, making you jump.

You could feel your eyes water up, but you quickly wiped your eyes, quickly searching for a hoodie and sweatpants before rushing out the door, car keys in hand.

You slammed the door and hopped into your car before driving off to your friends house.

You couldn’t believe he raised his voice after you.

-

After 3 hours of staying away from home you decided to come back. It was now in the afternoon and you opened the door. The house was cold and quiet. Hook wasn’t here. He must’ve walked somewhere.

You turned on the heat and went to the kitchen to find something to make for dinner. You smiled when you thought of a recipe and got to work, pulling out the ingredients.

Soft music played in the kitchen as you were in the middle of cutting up peppers, and then the door opened.

This time, you didn’t acknowledge that he was here, you just continued to stare at the bell peppers and cutting board.

You could hear the sound of his footsteps getting closer over the music and in your peripheral vision, see his black hoodie moving closer to you.

A second of silence passed and then you felt his arms wrapping around your waist. You froze mid-cut, letting him pull you into his chest. His head nuzzled in the nape of your neck, him breathing in your comforting scent.

You didn’t want to give into his touch, still mad at him, but you couldn’t resist. You melted into him, dropping the knife and pepper, head leaning back. You both just stood there, eyes closed, taking in this peaceful moment with the soft music contributing.

Y’all swayed side to side for 5 minutes before pulling away. You turned around seeing his face. He looked exhausted.

“I’m sorry.” He said. The first words he’s actually said to you in days. “No, I’m sorry. You just wanted to take a shower and I kept nagging and I-'' Hook shushed you, putting a finger over your mouth.

“Why’re you apologizing? I’m the one who yelled at you, I’m the one who slammed a door in your face, I’m the one who’s been mean and neglectful to you all week, all because I lost a stupid belt. I should be the one apologizing to you.”

You smiled at his confession, hugging him again. “It’s okay, just please don’t act like this again. You don’t need the FTW belt, I think you should go for something bigger, better y’know?” Even though you couldn’t see him, he nodded his head, agreeing with you.

He held you very tightly to his chest. You tried to pull back to continue cooking, but it was clear that he didn’t want to let go. “In need for a hug or something?” You teased him slightly. Hook muttered something and pushed your head farther into his chest.

Dinner could wait.

For now, you two stood there, hugging it out while a song by Lana Del Rey began to play.

#hook aew #aew hook #hook aew imagine #aew hook imagine #aew hook x reader #730 hook #aew fluff #wrestling fluff

[pianokantzart]

Mario definitely went through MORE, but not all of it was bad; he fell in love with a beautiful realm, made lifelong friends, and had the quality he was always shamed for praised at last. Luigi went through a smaller quantity of tribulations, but the whole thing was tinged in idleness and hopelessness. Even though DK and Peach warmly accepted Luigi at the end of the movie, Mario was the one who earned that friendship. Part of the Weeg angst potential could be him feeling like Mario blossomed into the person he was always meant to be while Luigi wasn't there to see it and cheer him on, and he feels like he can't keep up.

Also there's the fact that Luigi was already struggling to keep up with his brother when they were just plumbers, so while he no doubt feels happy for Mario I definitely think there would also be a sense of loss that he and Mario didn't get to grow together.

They had never been apart that long before, and it's just Luigi's luck that in the span of time that they were separated Mario learned all about the surrounding kingdoms, powerups and how to use them, how to fight and drive motorized war karts, and much more. So if Luigi felt like he was falling behind before, I'm willing to bet he now feels completely left in the dust. Even though they defeated Bowser together I imagine that once the high of that victory wears off, Luigi would be left with a strong sense of imposter syndrome. Sure, he saved Mario with a manhole cover... anyone would do the same. Everything after that he only managed to do with the power of the super star.

In the first movie Mario struggled with being perceived as a joke and wanting to prove everyone wrong, so I think it would be interesting if Luigi spent the sequel believing himself to be a joke and wanting to fix himself, even if it means pushing himself too hard and following his brother into dangers he is not physically/emotionally ready for.

#that's only one of like a dozen possible directions but #I do hope the fact that Luigi spent the entire first movie trapped in a cage gets addressed in some form or fashion #askbox #anon #super mario brothers #Mario movie #mario movie sequel #Mario #Luigi #super mario bros

[phoenixcatch7]

We could make Sqq a transformer in his past life. Like optimus prime sorta transformer. Cybertronian.

He'd be the only surviving seeker (winged guy) on the autobots side (I don't know all the canons but I don't think they have, like, any). Pretty young when the war started - unfathomably ancient for humans, the kiddie of the group to them.

And he arrives on earth. Discovers the Internet. Immediately gets hooked on critiquing stupid Web novels in every language, which being a sentient machine he can do at great speed without forgetting anything. Decides to read the final chapter during a battle because he's so close to the end and airplane had better pull SOMETHING good. Is so infuriated (distracted) by the ending he messes up and immediately gets killed by some low level decepticon. After FIVE MILLION years of war he gets offed by some loser over a stupid human story that wasn't even very good. He dies SO furious.

And then he gets reborn a human.

He is, as the kids say, big mad.

How by Primus do they do anything??

#I can't decide if back on earth it's post reveal or not because the revelation that a cybernetic alien soldier was the one being catty in #the comment section of his harem story would break sqh. It'd be so funny if he didn't believe him tho #Sqq trying so hard to blend in when he knows basically nothing about even modern human norms outside of stories and memes #No one can decide if Sqq just has hallucinations or has been possessed by an eldritch monster #Sqq: *under his breath because his thoughts are so hard to hold on to now* I MISS being able to fly myself #Sqq: *drops important items like xiuya because he keeps forgetting he doesn't have hammer space anymore* *heavy sigh* #Sqq: *does a weird twist of his limbs because he can no longer turn into a vehicle* *mortified* #Mqf: shixiong... Is everything alright? #Sqq; who's been trying to air drop his medical information to his hard drive because he's too squeamish to say it out loud: yeah - Yes. #Sqq with great feeling: humans... Are so SOGGY. You're all so SQUISHY and full of all sorts of nasty FUILDS. I have to consume SO much #And all I get is SMELLY #No wonder your species started global warming #Sqh: bro can you not?? #He adores lbhs cooking tho. #svsss #shen qingqiu #transformers #scum villain's self saving system #the scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #He's an idiot but he's an incomprehensibly ancient battle hardened 7m tall metal warrior squished into mortal form idiot #He is not picking up the signs lbh is putting down #At least once he figures out human limitations he can be a good strategist again

[katinkulta]

feels good that I have to write a short text again and that it's shittier than the one I wrote yesterday, just because my laptop *surprised pikachu face* gave up

#in fact I am not surprised pikachu facing because I knew it would give up eventually but I didn't expect it to die like this #don't worry about it it just has problems with booting itself the hard drive still has everything saved on it #not me panic buying a new laptop 5 minutes before the store closed

[running-in-the-dark]

got a new hard drive (had to, no space left 😔), so I'm using that as a reason to completely reorganise my files (mostly shows, movies etc)

I'm having such a good time 💖

#not sarcasm! it's so fun #the only thing that sucks is that I managed to break sonarr somehow. didn't touch a thing but okay sure #I'll figure it out #I've got to wait for a couple cables that we had to order anyway before I can start moving stuff around #I've been sooo frustrated with how chaotic everything has been so this is gonna be great #but yeah I've had to delete so much stuff already (not at all because I've been downloading too much John Larroquette stuff or anything... #😬😬) #and I've been complaining about it every day so my husband bought me a new hard drive 🙈 #still not enough space but it'll do for now #I always think 'oh I'm not a data hoarder! I don't have nearly as much stuff as those guys on reddit or wherever!' but like. it's not #because I don't WANT to save all of it #I only have *checks* 16 TB now with the new hard drive. I'd absolutely get a bunch of 20 TB ones if I could but no instead I spend money on #dumb shit lol #anyway yay I can stop deleting movies! very exciting #lol if anything I'm a hard drive hoarder.... I've got 7 internal ones and 3 external ones now. #yeah I just add new ones and don't remove any #I don't even wanna say it because I'll jinx it but. I've never had a hard drive fail. in over 20 years of having computers. I'm scared it's #gonna happen but 🤷 so far it hasn't lol #well one external one started failing but it went gradually not all at once. so I was able to move everything off of it first #and I mean I have backups of everything that's important! but not any of the media stuff 😬 it wouldn't be awful but it'd definitely make me #sad because I'm sure there's things there's that I couldn't find anymore #personal

[doomxdriven]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ?

ruined by fury

you are angry. you are angry and everyone knows it. the fire within you will not die, cannot die. for if it dies, you wont have a reason to burn. your rage simmers close to your chest, it boils near something you wont touch. you are angry because it is easier than anything else. you are angry because you choose it over pain. you are ruined because you cannot feel anything but your own ire.

#jin: dash memes #//yep tbh. like jin isnt always OUTWARDLY fuming or even in a constantly angry state internally but like?? fury. hatred... #//it drives most everything he does. his whole aim of vengeance and all you know?? inherently furious-ish thing #//not to mention all the anger and fury that was directed at him /long ago/ from those around him. be it the shinigami or #//his own people who he tried so hard to save only to watch them all push him away and despise him and wind up dead bc of it #//yeah mostly accurate result #//anyway im off the next two days and im gonna try and tend to things here for jin at least bc ofc his muse is screaming at me #//over the others SDFHJGGHJ

[valodia]

. (long tags)

#so like in the sequel of the story im currently saving my whole computer on a hard drive that my husband got me for my bday along w synth//v #in order to install windows 8 instead of 7 just so that i can in fact use said synth//v.. its a whole ordeal #so anyway while files are copying etc i stumbled upon some rlly old stuff from my old computer like some chat logs i had saved #when i was a teenager i had an obsessive personality so i saved certain logs of conversations with people that i cared about #like some w my evil ex when we were just friends n everything was still ok #so like i read like 2 conversations so far n its rlly somth wild. #ok so. #my evil ex did this thing especially when we started dating where he would tell me stuff thats obviously untrue about himself or the world #like just lies but told straight faced and seriously. and it wasnt just some little lies it was like obviously impossible stuff or misinfo #thats easy to fact check #at the start i humored him but the more he did this the more i saw he was serious and it didnt rlly matter to me that he was believing some #wild stuff (like he had powers or whatever) #but it was a problem when he would tell me while expecting me to believe it especially if its misinfo about the world or somth #or he made up incredibly wild excuses for his bad behavior #like i went missing for a week and didnt reply to you bc i was on a time travel mission or whatever. #i got rlly upset about it bc i couldnt reconcile that i thought he loved me but still told me untrue things that i thought he had to know #were wrong #i wasnt sure at the time bc trauma bonding etc but i started suspecting that he told me wilder and wilder stuff to see what he could get #away with to like trap me into a manipulation cycle. #so anyway the interesting thing is im reading these logs from a way earlier time when things were still good (just friends at that point) #and like?????? already he was telling me these fake things. but it was related to a media we both liked at the time #and it was just a thing me and my friends did. like we pretended some of us were married/dating characters or whatever and making things #up about our imaginary life w them or whatever. i was particularly into it and would write fanfic #or draw art about this etc #so it was on that note. but like i knew that this was fake? it was just a fun game for me like a coping mechanism but i still knew reality. #but rereading those logs now is chilling bc like the signs of him doing that were already there but somehow i never noticed??? #fdhjksfhdsjfhdsjkfhdjkshfdjksfgfgsdjfgdsjfyuertezutrhfdsjgdhsgfdsjgfdhsgfdhsjfgdhsjfhjghfdjfjdslfhdjsfdhlsfhjdyufhdsjfkhdskjfsd #its fucked up too but i cant help a feeling of euphoria rereading those logs i was always just so happy to talk to him at the time. #so. fun! things to tell my therapist #lodia sayings

[teaandinanity]

... someone needs to tell me not to do tarot fanart for A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler because I want to but also I am aware that that is the devil talking

#I have already started which is unfortunate #I was like 'wait if I'm gonna save a version to my hard drive' (I do this with everything I love because sometimes the internet is gone) #'I could make... an illustrated version...' #and since the chapters are all tarot cards like #obviously that's a Good Idea right? #I mean except for the part where this would require me to do 21 pieces of art and I will die #they will NOT have a consistent style because I have never in my LIFE had a consistent style and then I will cry #you know #it's obviously a Good Idea #except for all the reasons it is in fact a Terrible Idea #babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter)

[perenlop]

always feel kinda weird when i make a canon character “worse” than they are in canon in my own hcs but also like hyness was a literal cult leader who exploited the sisters and hit zan onscreen and literally used her and her sisters bodies as tools in his boss fight so like. canonically he is a horrible person who’s actions just get sweeped w a vague “oh he might have been corrupted actually theyre cool now” ending. so i guess its not that strange to just lean into him being abusive in my hcs

#like i get it star allies is the friendship game where everyone and everything becomes a friend in the end #but like... he literally gives me lusamine vibes lol #im not saying hes gotta be this one dimensional evil guy bc like he very well could have meant well and did genuinely #save the sisters lives and in my hc he does take in baby mag out of goodwill initially #if partially out of spite towards the ancients but he still initially wanted to make sure he had a parental figure #and part of why hes got so many followers is bc hes very convincing and frighteningly. genuine? to some degree? #idk tho this is all very loose hcs in a game that didnt really focus too hard on the specifics of their backstory #i think its just that hes convinced himself hes right no matter what and what hes doing is 100% ethical #like he thinks hes helping zan by keeping her from her sisters and hes helping mag by attempting to turn him against his ancestors #just in a constant state of denial that eventually drives him to hurt people and makes him lose everything #and ik none of the characters are extremely complex and well developed bc a lot is up for interpretation at the end of the day #but man. idk the dlc ending bugs me to this day i wish so bad it wasnt just shrugged off w ''oh he was possessed actually idk'' #echoed voice

[1800duckhotline]

me meticulously trying to save every single thing people draw for me in separate folders all neatly ordered bc i have mental sickness

#insane stuff. i just like keeping everything on my hard drive #it cheers me up when im sad #if you draw something for me: rest assured i save it

[stinkrascal]

finally decided to update my external hard drive on the off chance that my computer stops functioning and i just realized i saved my old reshade presets on my external omg!! im so excited about this, i miss my old reshade 😭

#i really like my reshade now #and 4.1 is sooo smooth #but the way 3.0.8 looks is just unmatched ;-; #gonna test it out tonight #that is whenever i finish updating my external hard drive #they’re expensive but they’re SUCH an important investment #i’ve seen so many people make posts abt losing all their saves and it is so sad to read #ik i would be devastated if i lost the straud save #definitely consider buying one if you can! that way you can save your whole computer without worrying #even if your pc shits itself you still have everything u need :) #my pc has died so many times over the years but rebooting it has always been seamless since i got the external #i can pick up where i left off #i sound like an influencer trying to promote a product lmfao but i just think they’re so important!! #like i said if u can afford to buy them they’re such a great investment #i think i got mine for like 150 at most a few years ago and it has been well worth the money! #ok end of the ad now ahaha

[cookinguptales]

soooooo.... you've mentioned a while ago there are some unpublished fics on your hard drive, namely the one with nandor(k) getting jealous of someone else trying to turn his familiar/bodyguard... so i guess my question is, what's the damage and whom exactly do we make out the bill to? *whips the credit card out* we ought to see that footage🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 pretty please 🙏🙏 [signed: huge fan and humble admirer of your written word]

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say finished fics, lmao. I have probably... god, I'd say at least 50k words of unfinished nandermo WIPs on my hard drive. It's a problem.

(long post incoming, warning: I am still kind of woozy)

I wrote the one you're talking about like. God, maybe in... March...? Early on in when I started writing for this pairing. The idea was basically that Derek asked Guillermo out (something about a guy saving your life is kinda hot, as Nandor can attest) and Nandor was like ??? when Guillermo actually said yes but he was largely supportive. He felt intangibly weird about it, though. And it wasn't until he realized that Guillermo being with someone else meant he wasn't with him that he started getting weird and pissy about it. And then Derek was like idk the etiquette for a vampire turning another vampire's familiar but dude, Guillermo deserves to be a vampire and I wanna do it.

anyway, that finally pushes Nandor over the edge and there's a lot of yelling between a lot of people but it did end in lot of angry possessive sex?? so you know all's well that ends well??

but the reason I'm telling you the plot in detail was because I never ended up finishing it (wrote an initial scene, some arguments, and the sex and then got distracted with a different fic I think) and more than that, I ended up cannibalizing some lines from it and using them in different fics. So idk that there'd be much point in finishing and posting it now...

I just liked this idea that Nandor wouldn't be opposed to Guillermo dating someone in theory, but once it started actually eating into his time with him he'd start getting upset for reasons he couldn't quite articulate. And then someone who is dating him also starts horning in on the vampire part?? the Nandor part?? that's a nope from him!

anyway, I also had it that by the time Nandor got all possessive and fucked Guillermo, Guillermo had already broken up with Derek and they were just friends and Derek had wanted him to be his vampire buddy. (I can see Derek being interested in him and wanting to turn him in return for saving his life, but I couldn't see it working out.) So Nandor was actually getting all shitty over nothing, but he didn't realize that. lmao

It sort of also ended up being about Nandor's issues and how he struggled with taking Guillermo but wouldn't let anyone else have him either because it was strongly rooted in his fear that Guillermo would leave once he got what he came for. because I can't even write hot possessive angry sex without Deeper Feelings coming into it, I'm a fucking disaster human.

But I guess in the end I decided to incorporate some of those ideas into other fics (esp an... equally unfinished truth serum fic) and leave that one unfinished. So it might just feel repetitive if I posted it now. lmao. idk that people would feel satisfied.

#writing liveblogging #the only other WIP in my hard drive I've mostly abandoned and probably won't finish #was one where Guillermo goes to bodyguard Nadja in England and oen of the vampires on the council gets interested in him #and is basically offering him both a romantic relationship respect and vampirism #but wants him to betray nadja and nandor #and he had to decide and ofc he chose nandor #and saved nadja #and they had bonded enough through this experience that she helps him go find nandor #whom he finds ~right ~before ~assassins come #bc the international vampiric council had been planning to get rid of both nadja and nandor bc they kind of suck #and they had an emotional reunion but Nandor was being... Nandor #and Guillermo ended up blowing up at him and telling him everything he'd given up for him and Nandor was just like #wait some vampire was HITTING on you #and that one ended up being kind of angry but mostly passionate sex too... #actually both kind of similar fics... #but I dropped this one because it felt too OC-heavy #like no one wants to hear about htis guy I had perving on Guillermo #even though it's super fun to write someone just blatantly perving on Guillermo who DESERVES IT #and because I ended up wanting to write a very different travel fic for Nandor #which I also........... did not finish #in my defense I had a rough/busy couple months haha #but these are the only two I've actively given up on #the others just exist in a state of limbo haha #wwdits tag #long post #replies #nandermo tag

[pumpkin-n-mc]

self reminder to look up comfort fics tonight :]

#if I have time (I will not) /hj /silly #OH wait I don’t work late tonight nvm ill have like the tiniest amount of time before I have to go to bed :D #so fun fact getting scrapes is a one way trip to regression #and this morning right before a massive day where ive had to drive a bunch of places #then come to the theatre and lead monologue work for the very first time #i tripped over a rock and just wiped out and scraped both my knees #(which these pants are just cursed bc the first time i wore them I also fell and scraped my knees so hard they bled) #so yea.. tentative first day to stop constantly being little has been a fail #especially now I have a two hour break like I just have to chill now #maybe ill rewatch monkey wrench or watch something cute to keep me occupied while i get notes and everything done #but yeah. ao3 ag3re fics save me

[peachinspiration]

dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)

#im in hell #that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real #my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually #and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am #it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom #and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure #it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t #make myself take more than 2 bites #the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself #something. omfgggggggff #I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it #more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do #and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting #addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore #my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance #but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working #it’s like wtf happened #I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way #and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything #it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he #doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing #and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative #but now it’s like #🪿 #yk what I mean #there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into #my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help #him with anything too #I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or #I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often

[medicinemane]

.

#i need to just go get a gun; main issue is that like everything else it's 50 miles from one #otherwise i could put on a stable face and go get the process started for buying one #then at least on a day like today i could just say fuck it; reach over; and splatter my brains on the wall #real shame i don't have a fast enough... nah; not even about being fast enough #i just figure i'd find a way to screw up hanging myself like i screw everything else up #and life's hard enough with brain damage from a fucked up hanging attempt #that's the real reason i want a gun; might fuck that up too; but they probably can't drive 50 miles in time to save me #where as they might be able to resuscitate me after hanging just with massive brain death #really need the blood loss mixed in #tired of being a parasite

[luveline]

𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

Spencer calls you drunk and in need of rescue. You confess a few secrets to him while he won’t remember them (or so you think). 3k, fem

cw drunk!spencer, mentioned past drug use, confident/bombshell!reader, flirting, spencer getting some well deserved comfort, a handful of his drunken compliments, insecurity, intense mutual pining

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You’re blissfully sleeping in the arms of a REM cycle when your phone rings. It pulls you by the chest, a punch of shock and expectancy at once. It’ll be someone calling you into work, Hotch himself if you’re lucky. 

You search blindly for your phone. If you’re even luckier, it’ll be a wrong number. Your fingers curl around the little body of your phone and you bring it to your ear without checking the number, frazzled. “Hello?” you ask hoarsely. 

Total quiet. 

“Hello?” You pull the screen away. The caller reads: SPENCER. You pull it back rather than hang up. “Hey, Spencer. Are you there?” 

“Hello.” He laughs. “Hello, are you there?” 

“I’m here, Spencer, where are you?” 

“That’s an interesting question, actually, and I’m sure there’s a great answer, but…” 

“But what?” You sit up quickly, your throat aching with sleep. Your room is black as coal pitch. “Spencer, what time is it, my love?” 

“You shouldn’t call me stuff like that.” 

“Stop being weird and tell me where you are.” 

He laughs like a hyena. You can see it in your mind, his smile and all his pearly perfect teeth. You love it when he smiles like that and he rarely ever does. “I’m somewhere and I need your help getting home!” he says with another funny laugh. 

“Are you alright? You sound…” He sounds inebriated. 

Spencer struggled with his drug problem for so long before you found out. You just hadn’t been around enough, and when you were he’d gotten good at hiding it. You can still remember how furious you’d been with everyone, including him, because you could’ve helped, would’ve done anything to support him through it. If he’s hurting now and hasn’t told you, you love him, but you’ll be insanely angry. 

“Spencer?” you ask quietly. 

“I went for drinks with a girl but she didn’t like me and I may have drowned my sorrows too much,” he admits. “Um. Did you know gin is very strong?” 

“Aw, baby. You’re cheating on me?” 

“I’m afraid so,” he says, and hiccups. 

“Where are you?” 

After some hassle wherein you persuade Spencer to give the phone to someone else in the bar for a slightly less drunk interrogation, you dress and gather your bearings for the drive. You zip a hoodie up over your pyjamas, stuff your feet into some old converse, and set out into the dark to find him. 

He calls you again as you’re parking. “Hello,” he says as soon as you answered. “I need you to come and get me.” 

Spencer called you twice to save him. Even if he doesn’t remember, he’s called you to come and get him when he knows he needs help, and that realisation is hard to ignore. “Spencer, I’m two minutes away, I’m parking. You’re still where you were?” 

“Where was I?” 

“At the bar, sweetheart. Are you still there?” It’s scarily dark out and you didn’t grab any sort of defensive measure before you came, which you regret now, climbing out of your car to walk the dimly lit road. The bar glows like a beacon to be followed. 

“Still where?” 

“Did you hit your head?” 

“Not to my knowledge. Though I’m not sure I have much right now. I feel like I’m forgetting everything I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot. You know I can read about eighty average length novels in one hour on an e-reader? The buttons make it faster.” 

“You haven’t told me that before.” You shiver against the nighttime winds, footsteps heavy on the grey sidewalk. 

“I’m trying to be more conversational. Emily says it’s not working.” 

“You’re conversational. Isn’t the only condition of being conversational to prompt a conversation? We’re always talking.” 

“…What?” 

You laugh like crazy. “Spencer, you don’t need to change the way you talk.” 

“I annoy people.” 

“You don’t annoy me.” 

You approach the door of the bar, a ramshackle sheet of plywood over what looks to be a glass door. The bar building seems in similar dessaray, with modern features wrecked by scratches and smashed panes. It’s a real dive. Spencer couldn’t have meant to come here. 

You war with both hands to open the door and find yourself faced with a long and empty corridor leading to another door. Worried you’re going to get kidnapped, you bring the phone back to your ear, Spencer’s chatting an immediate greeting. “…telling me I’m doing something wrong without telling me what it is, it’s impossible.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, can you come to the door?” 

“I don’t think I have control of my legs,” he says without inflection. 

“It’s definitely the building with the smashed door?” 

“Yesssss. Are you here?” he asks excitedly. 

“I better not get murdered, Spencer Reid.” 

“Am I in trouble?” 

“How are you even keeping the phone to your ear right now?” 

“I’m on speaker phone. Milly showed me how to do it. Say hi, Milly.” 

“Hi Milly,” a new voice says. 

You rub your eyes with one hand and square your shoulders, prepared to defend yourself if the creepy door leads to a creepier room. 

Spencer is immediately visible from the get go. You open the door on to a rather cosy looking bar, which you’re thinking might be the whole point; wretched exterior, secret attraction. Warm orange light ebbs into the space from sconces and a faux fireplace, while a wrestling match playing from the small TV behind the bar casts brighter light down onto Spencer’s shoulders. He looks out of place, dressed in a white oxford shirt and a suit jacket, his tie loosened and hanging from either side of his neck, compared to the lingering patrons who sit dotted around the room in booths and on barstools. One such patron sits in a plaid shirt and a trucker hat, her hair to her back, thick and dark. 

You hang up the call and put your phone in your pocket. Spencer gasps like he’s been smacked and picks his own phone up from the bar, clicking at buttons with clumsy fingers. “No,” he hums sadly. 

“Spencer,” you say, not wanting to disturb the people spending their sorry-looking night here. “Spencer. Hey, Spence!” 

His phone tips between his fingers. The woman you assume to be Milly catches it and offers it back without looking too far from her beer. 

“Hey,” you say gently, crossing a wide empty space to meet him. The room itself is shaped like a horseshoe, the bar taking up a surprising amount in the centre, and booths and tables placed around it. Spencer’s off of his barstool as you approach, eyes like puppy dog’s, arms extended. “You okay?” you ask. 

You can feel eyes on you both from every angle, but it doesn’t matter, not when Spencer’s falling into your arms (or on to them —he’s surprisingly tall when you aren’t wearing heels). “You alright?” you ask again. 

“You don’t have to be worried, I’m fine.” 

He’s less coordinated in real life than he’d sounded over the phone, his slurring unmissable, his hands like jumping fish as he tries to hug you. It’s weird and straining to take his weight but you do it without complaint. He smells the same, at least, only his cedary cologne is sharpened by the tang of gin on his breath. 

“Thank god you’re here,” he whispers. 

“Why?” you ask, pulling away to check for danger. 

“I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, handsome,” you say, genuine but laying it on thick simultaneously as you ease his head back to cup his cheek. You can’t help yourself. He’s the prettiest man you’ve ever met, and it gets worse every year. 

He frowns at you deeply. “I don’t like first dates.” 

“Then don’t go on them,” you suggest, “you don’t need to until you’re ready.” 

“I’m ready for love,” he says. You pull your lips into a flattened line, unsure of what to say, how to explain that it’s waiting for him, but his chin dips towards his neck and his eyes lock onto your face. “You’re not wearing makeup. God, you’re so pretty.” 

You flinch away from him. “Fuck, Spencer.”

“I’m sorry! It’s not that you don’t look pretty with makeup, but I never see you without it!” 

You’d forgotten you weren’t wearing any. Makeup isn’t a shield, exactly, but you like putting your best foot forward, so to speak. You’ve no clue what you look like tonight, hadn’t managed to look in the mirror, you’d been focused on getting to Spencer before he got lost. You can imagine the puffiness.

Spencer touches your cheek. You let him turn you mostly because he’s surprised you, his eyes roving up and down your face with a fawning curiosity. 

“You’re beautiful. You know that already, but people don’t tell you enough,” he says, his hand falling from your cheek. 

“Spencer,” you say softly, “let’s get you home.” 

You thank Milly for her help and grab Spencer’s bag from the floor to hang on your shoulder. You’d make a joke about how heavy it was if you didn’t think he’d take it from you, and, considering how drunk he is, topple over from the imbalance it provides. His shirt is clammy where you push your hand through his arm to link them, his footsteps wobbly. 

“I didn’t want to go on a date,” he says. 

“Then why did you go?” you ask, helping him over the door jam into the long hallway. 

“I don’t want to be alone forever.” 

“Spencer, you won’t be.” It doesn’t feel like the best time to bring up how much you like him. You’re sure he thinks you’re kidding, doesn’t everybody? Don’t torture him, they say. Don’t toy with him. Every time you flirt with him the team acts like you can’t mean it, and for a while it worked for you; you weren’t in love with Spencer. You weren’t playing with his feelings, but you didn’t love him, and then you joined the team and got to know him, watched him fluster at every comment you made or under any soft looking and realised you could love him. It was easy to fall for him. You liked doing it. But now he’s determined to write your affection off as a joke and going on dates? 

In the morning, when he’s sober, you’ll have to tell him how you feel. Or you could let him find someone more like him… ugh. It’s such a mess. 

You grapple with the size of your feelings for him as he hums and laughs his way down the hall to the glass door. On the street, he squints and straightens his back, fighting to regain his arm from your hold to cover your shoulder instead. “It’s cold,” he says in surprise. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine, I got my jacket. It’s a short walk, come on.”

His arm stops acting as protection and starts to use you for support. “I didn’t mean to drink so much.” 

“Drowning your sorrows is always a terrible idea because it tends to work,” you lament, less scared of the dark with him at your hip, though what protection he might offer is negated by the alcohol. 

“She kind of looked like you.” 

You squeeze your eyes together quickly. “Oh.” 

“I didn’t know she was going to. But she didn’t– she didn’t– it’s hard to talk. She didn’t listen like you do,” he says, lightly slurring, “she just stared at me like everyone used to in high school. Like she could tell there’s something wrong with me.” 

“Spencer, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I know,” he says. 

“Do you?” 

“Yes.” He frowns. “No, I don’t know. I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with me,” —his voice turns to a nearly indistinguishable mumble— “but everyone else always does.” 

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.” 

“Is that why you make all your jokes?” 

“What jokes, babe?” 

“Like that! Like babe. It’s funny ‘cos you’d never date me.” 

You’d slow if he weren’t already walking at a snail's pace. “That’s not true. Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?” 

“I won’t remember to ask you in the morning.” 

“Spencer, you remember everything.” 

He drags his feet. “I wish I wasn’t so weird,” he whines. It’s playful at the forefront but desperate otherwise, and it gives you pause. “I wish I was normal, and you could like me normal.” 

You look down at your hands, panicking, a flash of Is this a good idea? like an alarm in your head as you turn on the sidewalk to face him. He’s looking at you like he’s begging you to disagree with him. 

You’re happy to. 

“Spencer, I like you like this,” you insist loudly. His eyes and all his sweet lashes track the movement of your hand as you touch your chest, and your neck. “You’re not normal, I’m not normal. Do you know how many times I’ve been rejected? Just for being me? I’m too bossy, too outspoken, too– too high maintenance. I've had friends with good intentions tell me I need to lower my standards, need to relax, because otherwise I’m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I feel alone all the time.”

“But you’re perfect,” he says, puzzled. 

“To you. And you’re perfect to me.” Your hand crawls to the base of your throat. “So don’t say you’re weird like it’s ugly, honey. And don’t think I don’t like you, ‘cos I do. You think I’d come and get anybody else in the middle of the night dressed like this?” you ask him, gesturing to your ratty pyjamas and your dingy converse. 

“You look so cute,” he says mournfully. 

You roll your eyes. He’s too wasted for this conversation. “Come on, sweetheart. You can think about this too much in the morning. Let’s just get home in one piece.” Physically and emotionally. 

“Can I come home with you?” he asks. 

That had always been the plan. “Ask me nicely and I’ll consider it on the way.” 

— — 

Spencer shuts his eyes, hands itching to clap over his ears as you scratch the head of a spatula across your frying pan. “Is three eggs too many? People usually have two but that’s never enough for me.” 

“I think…” Oh my god the metal screeching is so loud. “You should have as many as you want. You know your body. There’s this study on intuitive eating…” I'm too hungover for this. “Three eggs is better than two.” 

“So you want three?” 

He cannot eat right now. “Yes. Please.” 

Spencer’s half sick with dehydration and half grief. He stayed at your house last night and he was too drunk to be nosy. He slept in your bed. He slept in your bed. He woke up to you at your vanity doing your hair, the nutty smell of hair oil mixed with the heat of the hair tool on high and realised with a start that he’d missed something he thought about all the time. 

You’d tipped your head back to smile at him. “There’s my boy. Sweet dreams?” 

He didn’t dream, but if he had, it would’ve been another agonising wish where you were his girlfriend, or his wife, or just there looking at him with love. He wakes up feeling sick because it isn’t true. And now you’re making him breakfast, humming a tune under your breath, sourdough sizzling under the grill and a shoddily blended avocado sitting in the bowl in front of him. 

You asked him for one thing. He picks up the fork and starts to mash the avocado again. He can’t fight the foreignness of sitting in your kitchen, a gap in his memory. 

He knows he told you about his date, how she looked like you, how she didn’t seem to like him much, but he’s struggling to collect the finer details. Why had you picked him up? He must’ve called you, but you could’ve said no. He remembers thinking you looked beautiful, but he always thinks that. 

The avocado is making him feel sick. 

“Here,” you say, sliding a plate of toast in front of him. “Do you want butter?” 

“I think I'm gonna throw up.” 

“You’re okay.”

“I can’t believe how I acted,” he says, pressing his palms to the hollows of his eyes. 

You turn off the hob. Fat bubbles and pops until it’s cooled. The clock on the wall by the refrigerator ticks incessantly. His slept-in shirt feels too tight despite the undone button. 

“Hey…” You round the island but don’t touch him, your voice gentle. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

He drags his hands down his face. “I can barely remember what I said.” 

“You were really nice to me… told me I looked pretty without my makeup, n’ that I was perfect. You were really nice.” 

Your tone is off. No flirtatiousness, no endless confidence, you sound wistful, like you’re glad he said it. You take the bowl of avocado he’s made a mess with and put it aside with the toast, resting your arm on the counter, and leaning into his space. “Spencer, last night? You didn’t do anything to be embarrassed of. You were nice, and kind. You tried to open the car door for me and you almost lost your eye, but you were fine. You don’t have anything to be worried about, really.”

“But it’s you.” 

“Gonna touch your hair,” you say, giving him enough time to move away as you reach out and rake back his fringe. His heart leaps into his mouth. “You said something last night like that, you know? Do you remember that? You said if you were normal.” You grace the skin beside his eye with the tip of your thumb, your perfume floating his way as you move. “And I said–”

“I’m not normal,” he says, remembering now. 

You’re not normal, I’m not normal, you’d said.

But you’re perfect, he’d said. 

To you. And you’re perfect to me.

“Right. We’re not normal, Spencer Reid, so forget that girl. She didn’t deserve you anyways,” you say. 

You draw a short, silken line down his cheek with the side of your pinky. To be touched so lightly has his stomach in knots —he’s not shocked by the swiftness with which your affection can make a bad situation good again. 

You turn away. “Now we should eat before everything goes cold.” 

He watches your shoulders move, and he remembers one last detail. So don’t say you’re weird like it’s ugly, honey. And don’t think I don’t like you, ‘cos I do. 

The way you’d said it… you couldn’t really mean…

“How’s your appetite? Still feeling sick?” you ask. 

Spencer smiles to himself, the ghost of your touch glowing warm on his cheek. “I’m feeling a lot better, actually.” 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

thank you for reading!!! please like/reblog or comment if you enjoyed, i appreciate anything and it always inspires me to write more<3!! my requests are pretty much always open for bombshell!reader (even though this one strays a bit from their usual story haha) so if you wanna see more let me know❤️

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