#like guys i made one (1) teen dad bruce joke and now it's implanted in my mind that this guy has 6 kids by the time he's 30

[batarangsoundsdumb]

i genuinely can't get over teen! dad bruce wayne so please consider the following:

18 year old bruce wayne deciding to foster 2 year old dick grayson after seeing the fateful circus incident.

(according to new jersey law people from the age of 18 and up can be foster parents with no further age restrictions)

he does most of his training carrying dick around and dick spends the entire time just monologuing about dora the explorer while bruce is like "that's nice"

(after a few months he gets totally into it he's like: "oh jeesh, i can't believe swiper did that, how horrible of him, you did tell him no swiping right?")

alfred initially is like "ah master bruce, decided to sign up for teen mom season 4 have we?" but two weeks in he's dressing dick up in 'i love my butler grandpa' t-shirts and is already favouring him over bruce.

bruce at first just tells dick "i'm going to try and be a big brother to you, etc etc" but dick understands like 60% of what he just said and is calling him "dad" within 3 months.

he still goes to train with the league and has to justify to ra's al ghul why every 10 minutes he has to use the satellite phone to talk to a toddler about the plot developments of blue's clues.

him becoming batman is just increasingly harder because he has to spend an hour trying to convince dick that "no the guy in the weird suit is also me- i'm the guy in the weird suit"

by the time dick is like 3, bruce has found him hanging from a chandelier at least four times and he still doesn't know how dick managed to get up there.

bruce just hanging out with dick and being like "yeah this little dude is my best friend and what about it?"

when dick eventually gets older and is like "i wanna be a superhero and fight crime" bruce is like "you don't wanna be associated with those dweebs, go be a ballerina or something"

(clarks first reaction upon meeting dick and realising that oh wait isn't bruce like, 24? and this kid is like 8? is "that must've been quite a shock for your parents" and he immediately flings himself into the sun.)

#this is just an au that i fucking adore im sorry #like guys i made one (1) teen dad bruce joke and now it's implanted in my mind that this guy has 6 kids by the time he's 30 #yeah here you go teen dad bruce au #his relationship with dick starts out with 'yeah im gonna be his big bro' and ends with him staying up til 6 am to read bed time stories #'oh no haha i'm going to just take care of him until there's a suitable guardian' #6 years later when he's watching paw patrol with his million kids 'it's like there's no suitable guardians in all of gotham haha' #bruce wayne #dc #dick grayson #dc headcanons #batman #batfam #batfamily #robin