#like i added all the subtext in myself but tHE POINT STILL STANDS

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Subtext, by Calvin Klein

happy birthday @stinastar!!! I know it’s not the prompt you wanted, but I’ll write that too. :) Thank you so much for being awesome and so so sweet!

Legally Blonde au - modern - fluffy pre-getting together

depending on the comments I get on this, I might post a second part

tw: Geralt’s tragic backstory (foster care mention)

---

Geralt approached Jaskier slowly and kept his hands firmly in the pockets of his loose-fitting jeans. “What’s up-” he noticed the bunny ears poking up from Jaskier’s fluffy brown hair and added “-doc?”

The young law student looked up at Geralt through teary black lashes and let out another soft sniffle, his lips wobbling unattractively. Geralt hurried to drape his zip-up hoodie over Jaskier’s bare shoulders and take a seat on the wooden bench beside him. 

The worried teacher’s assistant rubbed his hands up and down Jaskier’s arms through the material, trying to warm him up a little better. “Why are you dressed as a Playboy bunny, sitting on a bench in the middle of the night in this terrible New England weather?”

“I made a terrible mistake in coming here.”

“What?”

Geralt had never heard Jaskier sound so utterly defeated. Usually the student was bright and bubbly, congenial to a fault even when he made mistakes or answered incorrectly during class discussions. The charming brunette seemed to pull bucket after bucket from a nearly endless well of positivity; until now, apparently. 

As he sat beside Geralt on the worn wooden bench, wearing the tight pink leotard and little wrist cuffs, practically glowing in the yellow-tinged lamplight, he seemed too ethereal to be real. Even as he shivered and sniffled, Jaskier looked too gorgeous to be human. Seeing him in such a distressed state was a little unnerving, like bumping into an old teacher outside of school or accidentally seeing your neighbors kissing through a window. It felt wrong. 

“I followed the love of my life to this stupid fucking university and now he’s going to marry some fancy, well-bred blonde woman like his parents wanted and I’m going to flunk out of these classes with nothing to show for my time here and my parents are going to-”

“Hey,” Geralt interrupted, taking one hand from his pocket to place on Jaskier’s trembling knee. “It’s going to be okay. Breathe, Jaskier.”

“Right. Breathing. Yeah.”

“Are you… okay?” 

Jaskier looked at him again and Geralt flinched away from the obvious hurt in his watery blue eyes. Of course he’s not okay, he’s sobbing alone on a cold bench in the middle of Halloween night. 

“Jaskier, I’m sorry. I’m not good with words but- Wait... are you saying you came to school because of a man?” 

“Y-Yeah. You could put it that way, I guess.”

Geralt yanked his hand away from the younger man’s knee and scooted backwards, away from the man he’d just been admiring. “Oh my god, that has to be the absolute stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You came all the way to Oxenfurt University’s prestigious and award-winning Law School to hunt down a husband?!”

Jaskier looks taken aback. Startled and bewildered and sad, like a much smaller child rather than an adult man with a degree and a half. “Are you mad at me!?”

“A little bit, yeah,” Geralt laughed humorlessly. He shook his head, swiping one hand over his face on his way to tuck in a stray strand of white hair. “I worked two jobs to get myself through college. I was doing full-time classes and pulling sixty hour weeks at the bar and the grocery store; I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s sleep since I graduated high school. I certainly don’t know the meaning of the word vacation anymore... and you came here to follow some- some guy that you liked?”

“We’d been together for three years before he suddenly dropped me to pursue a degree in fucking bitter looking women, to be completely fair. And I managed to get a good enough LSAT score to qualify for admittance, so it’s not like I’m totally incompetent.”

“No,” Geralt nodded, a small, genuine smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I guess that’s true.”

“No guessing involved,” Jaskier spat, tired and angry and flustered. “It is the truth, plain and simple. I deserve to be here and I will be successful.”

“Hmm.” 

“Well why are you here, then, Mr. Grouchy T.A.?”

“I grew up in foster care and let me tell you, from experience, that the system is shit. If I had been forced to remain a foster child for any longer than I was, I probably would have become a match-happy little delinquent like my youngest brother, Lambert. Luckily my third foster parent, Vesemir, adopted me legally and made me his son. He already had one adopted son, my older brother, Eskel, and after me there was Lambert.”

Jaskier took a moment to contemplate Geralt’s story, pulling the sweatshirt closer around his shoulders and burrowing down into the neckline in a way that sent butterflies swirling through Geralt’s stomach rather unexpectedly. Then the younger man smiled at him, pearly teeth glinting in the light of the streetlamp. “That’s… that’s a little sad and a little sweet. It makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

“The sadness and the sweetness,” Jaskier repeated, grinning a little more shyly than before. Geralt wasn’t sure, since it was so dark and he was so skeptical, but it almost looked like Jaskier was blushing. “Like you. Sweet, kind, caring, but a little melancholy. Anyway, I should be getting back to my dorm. I need to study.”

“I want my sweatshirt back,” Geralt said, standing and offering Jaskier a hand up. He wobbled to his feet, still wearing a pair of dangerously high black stilettos. Geralt knew this outfit would haunt his dreams for the next few weeks and cursed Hugh Heffner’s lingering spirit. 

“If you’re lucky,” Jaskier replied, and click-click-clicked his way into the darkness. 

Geralt honestly wasn’t sure he’d mind if Jaskier decided to keep it… maybe someday he’d wear it to class. And didn’t the thought of that send something odd and new and terrifying swirling in Geralt’s gut.

---

“Where are we going, exactly?” Geralt asked, eyeing the giddy brunette before him. Jaskier batted his long eyelashes at the grumpy T.A. and gave his sweetest pout.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“Hmm,” Geralt’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”

“Well then don’t stop now!” 

The excitable young law student laced his fingers with Geralt’s and pulled him through the large glass doors and into the mall. When at last his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the shopping center he asked: “What is this place?”

Jaskier grinned, taking a deep, dramatic breath. “A department store.”

Geralt rolled his eyes and took his own deep breath, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “What is that smell?”

“Love,” Jaskier replied.

“What!?”

“Love,” the student repeated, pointing at a sign with his free hand. It was large and pink and read LOVE, BY CHANEL in black block-letters. “There’s Love in the air.”

“Terrible joke, really,” Geralt teased. “But really, Jaskier, why are we here? You have plenty of clothes for court; I know because I’ve been in your closet and seen them firsthand.”

“We’re not here for me,” Jaskier elbowed his mentor and study partner gently in the side. Their hands were still interlaced in a way that made Geralt’s heart thunder dangerously against his ribs; love really was in the air, it seemed. Jaskier continued breezily, unaware of the older man’s roiling internal conflict. “I’m taking you shopping so that you have the proper outfit to wear when accepting Stregobor’s partnership offer.”

They had reached the men’s business section and the brunette released Geralt’s hand in order to dig through the racks of clothing. He was elbow deep in Calvin Klein and Kenneth Cole, hunting for jackets in Geralt’s size. “Jaskier, I can’t afford this kind of-”

“Hush,” Jaskier replied, waving his hand dismissively in his direction, letting it go limp at the wrist. “It’s a gift. No! Not a gift, a repayment.”

“I didn’t give you anything…” 

Jaskier looked up from the selection of suits he’d been inspecting and shot Geralt a dangerous glare. “You most certainly did give me something, Geralt Roger Eric du-Haute Bellegarde! You looked past my bubbliness and my pink blazer and my previous degree and treated me like a person. You supported me and encouraged me without asking for anything in return so this is what I’m giving you.”

Geralt took a step towards him and sneezed. “What is that smell?”

An attendant appeared as if from thin air, a little glass bottle clutched in her hand. “It’s Subtext, by Calvin Klein!”

“It’s not really my thing,” Geralt frowned, closing the distance between himeslf and Jaskier as he made his apologies, “But thank you, regardless.”

“Let me know if you gentlemen need anything!”

Geralt stepped close enough to feel the heat of Jaskier’s body, still not brave enough to initiate touch. “Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem,” Jaskier grinned again. 

Geralt considered the feelings that were stirring in his heart, driving through his veins, branching out through his mind so that all he could focus on was Jaskier... 

It might be a problem, he thought, allowing himself to enjoy the moment. But it can be dealt with another time. 

#legally blonde #legally blonde au #geraskier #geraskier ficlet #happy birthday stina #pre slash #legally blonde the musical #geraskier fluff #preslash #pre getting tgoether #getting together #bouncey's endless au collection

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 16 - ao3 -

Of course, Wen Ruohan wasn’t the sort of person to leave things to chance: the next time he sent an invitation for Lan Qiren to visit the Nightless City, he sent it straight to Lan Qiren’s father, instead.

“Naturally Qiren will go,” Lan Qiren’s brother said.

Lan Qiren mentally cursed Wen Ruohan’s name, even as he raised his hands and saluted to signify his agreement.

“Very well,” their father agreed, disinterested and toneless. His gaze was more and more distant these days; Lan Qiren suspected that the day his brother became sect leader was growing ever closer.

“I’ll select an appropriate escort, and a gift –”

“No,” Lan Qiren blurted out involuntarily, horrified at the idea of what another gift might trigger in Wen Ruohan’s purportedly competitive soul. “I – that is – I’m not going on behalf of the Lan sect, am I? I’m going in my personal status as his sworn brother. Taking too many people with me or bringing gifts might give the impression that I’m holding myself distant.”

Or something like that.

His brother looked at him for a long moment. “Very well,” he finally said. “Some servants as attendants, rather than a delegation of disciples, and no gift. You’re right; we don’t want to appear sycophantic.”

That hadn’t been what Lan Qiren had said or meant, but he’d take it.

His travel to the Nightless City was uneventful after that, as was his arrival: he made it to the main gate with relatively little fanfare and asked one of the guardsmen which way he should go, having never arrived on his own before. Instructions obtained, he made his way towards one of the side entrances to the Sun Palace. The main entrance was crammed full with petitioners, as always – Wen Ruohan rarely entertained them himself, but he had built up a decent bureaucracy to manage the work of it, which Lan Qiren supposed was necessary given the much higher number of people that were sworn to the Wen sect in comparison with the other sects.

It didn’t occur to him to question the instructions he’d been given until he was shown into one of the sitting rooms – not the one he’d been in before, and the hallways leading up to it were all unfamiliar – and he saw a woman sitting there, waiting for him, instead of Wen Ruohan.

The woman’s face was unfamiliar to him, but her luxurious robes, bone white and heartsblood red, patterned in the particular stylization of the red sun reserved for the highest rank within the Wen sect, as well as a glittering golden tiara dripping with rubies, announced her identity.

As did the pronounced curve of her pregnant belly.

Lan Qiren raised his hands and bowed. “Greetings to Madame Wen.”

He felt strangely uncomfortable, although he could not identify why. He had plenty of experience with pregnant women, so he didn’t think it was that, but there was something distinctly off-putting and surprising about this pregnancy, which Wen Ruohan must have known of but not mentioned during his visit to the Cloud Recesses.

Madame Wen watched indifferently as Lan Qiren saluted her, not stopping him even as he held the bow, and she was a few beats late in waving for him to stand up – her status as the mistress of a Great Sect was well above his as a second son, but it was still a little rude.

“So you’re Lan-er-gongzi,” she said, her eyes scanning him from top to bottom. “My husband’s sworn brother, of which he is so fond.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth to deny it, but all the usual excuses he’s concocted for himself choked in his throat and dried up on his tongue: every time he’d told himself that Wen Ruohan only meant to irritate Lao Nie or his brother, that it was a political move or a quickly-regretted moment of impulse, that their supposed ‘brotherhood’ was little more than a word –

It was difficult to weigh that against an afternoon wandering through a market, and a room done up in all the ways Lan Qiren liked best.

Be generous. Be grateful. Be loyal.

However it had started, Wen Ruohan had lived up to the brotherhood to which they had sworn.

Do not make assumptions about others.

Lan Qiren had not.

“Sect Leader Wen is forgiving of my faults,” Lan Qiren said, deciding that he would need to do better in the future. No matter the rumors about him, Wen Ruohan had never wronged him personally, and he ought to behave accordingly. “Allow me to express my best wishes for your child.”

It was an ugly and un-poetically blunt sort of well-wishing, and he regretted it the instant he said it; if he hadn’t been so distracted by unwelcome self-revelations, he would have thought of something better.

“A son, they say,” Madame Wen said, watching him as if to see his reaction. Whatever it was she was looking for, she didn’t seem to be getting it; her eyes narrowed in dissatisfaction. “Well, you've got a pretty face, I’ll give you that much.”

Lan Qiren was unperturbed by the comment – his ancestors had always had a taste for beauty – and he didn’t quite understand why she made it sound like an insult. Still, he’d learned from prior mistakes that when someone was complimenting you in a mean tone of voice, it was impolite to respond by saying “you, too”, so instead he just waited patiently for her to get around to making whatever point she had brought him here to make.

“They say that you’re a mediocre swordsman,” she said, and Lan Qiren frowned – he wasn’t talented, no, but mediocre seemed a little harsh. Average would be a better way to describe it. “A good musician, but also stern and aloof. I wonder, what aspects you have to recommend yourself to someone like my husband?”

“Your husband was the one who proposed brotherhood,” Lan Qiren said. He was pretty sure that was the case, though of course he couldn’t be entirely sure; still, he was going to stand on that ground until he heard otherwise. Feeling uncomfortable, he added, “I didn’t think I needed to recommend myself. Has he said something to you about me?”

Madame Wen’s lip curled up in a faint sneer. “He’s barely mentioned you at all.”

That was about as Lan Qiren would have expected, and he nodded in satisfaction.

“At least the rumors regarding your disposition were correct,” she remarked, her expression of dissatisfaction unchanging. “You don’t speak much, do you?”

Do not use frivolous words beat at the inside of Lan Qiren’s mouth, but he’d learned about not sharing the rules every time he thought of them, too, even if it had taken many years to do so. He inclined his head in confirmation instead.

“So cold and distant, like the frost on a distant evening – with a temperament like that, you seem untouchable. One could scarcely bear to lay hands upon you...I do wonder how well someone like you can really play.”

Was he supposed to start boasting about his skills in music? It was well known that personality could affect musical talent, and he was better at the more intellectual and reserved songs, although to his own disquiet he found that he could quite adequately pull of some of the more disturbed songs, the passionate and unrestrained pieces, as well; nevertheless, the type of music did not correlate with quality.

Confused by the line of questioning, Lan Qiren found himself blurting out the first thing that came to mind, which in this case was, “I’m best at guqin and xiao.”

He was pretty sure that wasn’t what she meant, though. He thought he detected dissatisfaction about her, possibly at his inferior answers, and he had the vague sense of what he might call hostility or resentment if she had been some evil creature, but he was, as his fellow disciples liked to remind him, notoriously terrible at understanding emotions.  

“Your talents must be prodigious.” Madame Wen smiled at him, face tight; he must have said something wrong. “You must forgive me my ignorance on the subject. I have no doubt that when you are in the field, it is terribly difficult to compete against you.”

“…I took first place at the music competition at the last discussion conference,” he said. Even if he suspected that she might not be talking about music, he was truly at sea in terms of what she was talking about. “But naturally that was only against my peers.”

Madame Wen’s eyes narrowed in a glare.

Lan Qiren had only meant that there were teachers far more skilled than he, but he had the distinct feeling that he might have accidentally insulted her.

He really wanted to stop having this conversation. Why couldn’t some of the rumors she heard about him have been about how bad he was at picking up subtext? Or, if he was indulging in futile wishes, something about how his cold and monotone voice was simply a characteristic, not a measure of how he felt about someone?

“Prodigious indeed,” she said through gritted teeth. “It seems I should ask for a demonstration of your talents.”

Wait, was that was she was hinting at? It was a little rude to make such a request on their first acquaintance – it made him feel a bit like a hired musician, rather than her husband’s sworn brother – but thinking on it further he didn’t mind. He did intend to be a musician one day, a traveling musical cultivator, and he had never minded playing for people. It was easier than talking to them.

“Is there anything in particular Madame Wen would like to hear?” he asked.

She named a song, fairly common and romantic in nature – at least one variation of the lyrics was crude enough that it saw regular use in brothels, but the tune itself was perfectly ordinary, and he supposed the sort of thing a young woman might enjoy. And after all, Madame Wen couldn’t be more than a half-dozen years older than he was, even if her poise and stature suggested an older woman.

Lan Qiren obediently settled in the spot that Madame Wen directed him to, taking out his guqin and checking it over meticulously to make sure it had made it through the travel without issue.

He had just started to play when there was a sound outside, the door opening; Lan Qiren looked up and saw Wen Ruohan enter the room in with a swirl of white-and-red robes.

He did not look pleased.

Lan Qiren began to stand, intending on saluting, but Wen Ruohan waved a hand at him before he could even start to rise up.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked his wife instead.

She smiled back at him, her expression seemingly full of meaning: “What do you mean, husband? I heard by chance that your sworn brother had arrived, and I thought to greet him, as any good wife ought to do.”

“Greet,” he said, his lips turned down. “Is that what you call it, when you have your guest play brothel songs for you?”

Technically, the song had been originated in a play –

“He agreed,” Madame Wen said. “But naturally my husband’s happiness is what I care for most. If my husband dislikes it, or think that I have insulted his sworn brother by permitting him to behave like a pretty flower selling favors in the red-light district –”

“Accompanist,” Lan Qiren corrected, and they both turned to stare at him. Their expressions were both quite intense, as if he’d said something wrong. He hesitated, but continued, “My understanding may be flawed, but I thought most brothel singers hired professional musicians to accompany them, so as to better reflect their beauty and increase – ”

“What are you implying?” Madame Wen snapped, and Lan Qiren recoiled a little.

“I didn’t mean – I only – it’s just that I heard –” he stuttered, and Wen Ruohan laughed.

“Perhaps I was too quick to dismiss the comparison,” she said coldly. “The flower appears beautiful from afar, but its thorns still cut deep.”

“My sworn brother is no flower,” Wen Ruohan said, and his eyes were curved; he seemed much calmer now, making the room less fraught. “But rather a pearl unlike any other.”

“Oh yes,” Madame Wen said, and she was sneering outright now. “Naturally you would think so. Who does not know of your – great friendship?”

Lan Qiren wouldn’t go that far. Not even half as far, really. He was just opening his mouth to point out that they barely knew each other, really, but he never got the chance; Madame Wen tossed her head, her tiara of gold and rubies making bell-like sounds, and placed her hand on her belly.

“I will retire,” she announced. “I would not dream of intruding in the time that you two wish to share. Perhaps he can play for us at dinner, if it is not too much of an imposition on his time.”

Wen Ruohan merely stepped aside and allowed her to go, saying nothing.

Truly, Lan Qiren thought to himself, the rumors must have misjudged Wen Ruohan – surely if he were as cruel and ruthless as all that, he wouldn’t have taken such insolence without raising a response.

“Forgive me,” he said, and Wen Ruohan looked at him.

“For what?” he asked, his habitual equanimity returned to him. “You did nothing.”

“She doesn’t seem to like me,” Lan Qiren said, bowing his head. “I’m not sure what it was that I did to cause it, but it was not my intent to cause trouble.”

Especially the sort of trouble he’d been specifically instructed to avoid, he thought, a little miserably; he remembered now all the admonitions of how, brothers or no brothers, oath or no oath, no man would want to anger the woman who bore him sons.

“Think nothing of it,” Wen Ruohan said, and when Lan Qiren stole a glance he did not in fact seem upset. “It is the early growing pains of marriage, little more, and worsened by her current condition. I was clear enough when we started out, promising her respect, power, sons, and even freedom, yet she can’t stop herself from scheming for more...truly well-suited to be my wife, provided she learns not to go too far.”

Lan Qiren did not understand.

Wen Ruohan noticed, and chuckled. “Do not concern yourself with it. You are not the object of her grudge, merely a convenient target.”

“She seemed to be fairly deliberately aimed to me,” Lan Qiren said doubtfully.

“Mm. Which of us has experience being married, again..?”

Lan Qiren ducked his head back down, conceding the point, and then, with an effort, shook his head to clear it of cobwebs and smiled at his sworn brother. “Well, you wanted me to come to visit you, da-ge, and here I am,” he said. “I look forward to the opportunity to spend more time with you.”

Wen Ruohan seemed oddly taken aback, almost more surprised by Lan Qiren’s sincerity than by his wife’s tricks and sarcasm, and it took several moments of staring before he finally responded with a simple nod. “I look forward as well.”

“I find we have not had time to get to know each other without a third party acting as a medium,” Lan Qiren continued. “Would you like to play a game or two of weiqi? I’m not…especially good at social interaction, getting to know people, but I’m sure I can manage to lose a game with some grace.”

Wen Ruohan had started smiling. “You assume you’ll lose?”

“I assume you have slightly more experience than me, yes. I’m decently skilled, but I prefer to spend my time on music…I really am happy to play for you and Madame Wen after dinner, if you’d like. A good life requires a happy home, and I can’t even imagine how difficult bearing children must be; I’m happy to accede to her request. Anyway, I enjoy playing.”

“I would be happy to hear that piece you played at the discussion conference once more,” Wen Ruohan said. “Though if you’re acceding to her request, I note – after dinner?”

“Well, naturally,” Lan Qiren said, puzzled. “I assumed she had misspoken. I mean, I’m your guest, aren’t I? Only hired musicians play at dinner instead of eating. If she really wanted music with her dinner, she would need to pay me.”

Wait, that sounded wrong.

“Not that I’d accept,” he added quickly. “I wouldn’t disrespect your hospitality in such a way.”

Wen Ruohan was grinning. “Indeed,” he drawled. “Undoubtedly she misspoke…it’s been rather a long while since I’ve played weiqi, but I think I’ll still be able to manage to trounce you. Let’s go find out.”

Lan Qiren gathered up his guqin and followed Wen Ruohan to the door.

“Oh, and little Lan?” Wen Ruohan said as they walked out into the hallway, his voice casual and indolent. “There’s no need for you to spend much time with my wife while you’re here. I wouldn’t want her to suffer too much stress, given the child.”

Lan Qiren didn’t entirely understand the request, but he nodded gamely. “I’ll avoid her when she’s not with you,” he offered, and felt pleased when Wen Ruohan nodded in satisfied acknowledgement. “I don’t want to cause her any more concern.”

“Good,” Wen Ruohan said, opening the door to another room – his bedroom, Lan Qiren thought as he spotted the familiar set of six treasure swords on the wall. There was a table there that would work well for a game of weiqi, and Lan Qiren supposed it made sense for Wen Ruohan to want to be comfortable while at home. They were brothers, after all… “I’ll have the servants set out the game. Shall we walk in the garden in the meantime?”

“That sounds good,” Lan Qiren agreed, then looked down at his guqin. “I should put away my things, if the room I’m in is not too far? I really didn’t have an opportunity…”

“Your room is just down the hall,” Wen Ruohan said. “You’re family now, aren’t you?”

Lan Qiren smiled.

Maybe this will work out after all, he thought.

#mdzs #lan qiren #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #spilled pearls

[chessieshire]

Processing my thoughts here.

I've been rewatching Cas and Dean scenes and moments where I know they talk about each other to analyze their reactions. Why? Because I wanted to assess for myself how I think Dean feels about Cas. I like to think I have pretty good intuition or so I've been told throughout my life. Track record of it is pretty good with the results.

When you grow up walking on eggshells having to assess people's behavior and emotions in order to protect yourself and others it becomes a necessary survival skill.

So what do I think so far? Ok so Dean is definitely bi so let's get that out of the way.

I personally think Dean has been subconsciously attracted to Cas and has felt love for him as a best friend or brother up until season 12 when I believe Dean actually fell in deep love with Cas.

I believe the moment Dean fell in love with Cas was when Cas killed Billy to save the 3 of them and then says he doesn't care if he loses his own life as a consequence.

I think before that moment Dean really did feel dead inside from being locked up in solitude for almost 2 months. Then when Cas made that huge risk to his own life to save theirs I believe it brought Dean's emotions back to life. Like a cosmic jumpstart.

Obviously Dean's an emotionally suppressed dum dum (I am too it takes one to know one) that he wasn't aware of falling in love with Cas he was just reacting to his frustrations, confusions, and concern for Cas and the "cosmic consequences". Hence the marital bickering in the next episode.

I believe that Dean started to realize he was in love with Cas when he almost died by the poisonous/venomous lance. When Cas said he loves him looking at Dean and loves them all. Dean started to realize he loved him romantically as he almost lost him again but probably still didn't "get" what kind of love Cas meant towards him.

Then Dean's dealing with too much confusion about it. He was so upset with Cas leaving and not responding to his messages it triggered his abandonment issues while Mary was also "needing space" at the same time that made those triggers worse. He had told Cas previously that he's his and Sam's best friend and brother (probably to observe his reaction to that to get a hint of how Cas felt) but he's obtuse so he probably felt like Cas loved him like a bro.

Not to mention season 7 when Dean is telling Kevin that he doesn't believe angels have the equipment to care and when they try they breakdown.

So I can see how it never occurred to him about Cas being in love with him and why he'd continue to suppress his own emotions and try distracting them with countless women. Despite cutting down on the sexual conquests in the last few seasons because they probably didn't work much anymore as a distraction and he got a piece of the void filled with merely Cas's friendship.

Edited to add: (oh shit how could I forget to point out?! So the last time Dean canonically had sex was season 12 episode 18 while Cas was missing and Dean was extremely upset with him. Dean was trying to distract his feelings about Cas and it no longer worked in my opinion. He looked more distracted than usual and when he told Sam how his night was he had to say awesome 3 times like he was trying to convince himself. Hence the last time he sleeps with a woman. From this point on Dean doesn't have anymore one night stands. ...carry on...)

Without a doubt Dean was unsure if angels in general could actually fall in love and felt like it was less painful to not pursue a romantic relationship due to the job and how either one of them could die for any reason.

If Cas had been human and there were no more monsters and demons and supernatural shit to hurt and kill people I'm confident that they would've been hooking up. It would've ruled out the complicated job risks and made clear that Cas is capable of feeling romantic love for somebody.

The times that Dean was actually angry at Cas and not "pretend angry but actually worried" were because he was offended that Cas didn't trust him and that Cas took off without an explanation or response. It just added to Dean's fears of Cas being incapable of feeling true love for him because he's an angel.

When Dean prayed to Cas in season 15 I think he was going to finally confess he loved him. But time was of the essence. As it always is and then they never get a moment after that to really talk to each other until Cas confessed his love.

Edit: Can I check this one off?! Because it really does sound like Dean says, "I...(breathy pause) I-love...(huff pause) you-don't know why I get so angry." *thinks* Yeahhhh it counts dammit! ✅

The episode after Dean's confession is Garth showing him being with someone is possible with their complicated backgrounds and jobs and he dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss. Whether or not the lamp really is a stand in for Cas it definitely is a representation of something or someone Dean truly wants.

He yearns for sharing love with someone.

Edit: Can I sorta check this one off? Ehhhh...maybe??? The guy that plays Garth (sorry I don't want to misspell the actor's name) stated that there was hidden subtext for romantic love with Dean and another character. He didn't say the subtext was "lamp" though since he thought this scene was meant to be fun...but...I think maybe it still could be if he was unaware of it. Since I'm hearing the dance choreographer says there's deeper meaning.

In season 11 Dean asked Jesse and his husband Cesar about what was it like settling down with a hunter. He was thinking about it! He wanted to know not only for Sam but for himself as well! He asked a GAY COUPLE which clues me in on maybe because they made him think of him and Cas. Maybe subconsciously anyway.

Dean never gets the opportunity to express how he truly feels other than anger, forgiveness, and brotherly love towards people and that's some toxic masculinity bullshit!

When Cas left to the Empty Dean was completely breaking down not just because he lost Cas but because he felt he lost his only chance at a happy life with a significant other who understands him.

And then the next episodes made no fucking sense. Read a bit like "oh well now I'm relieved I didn't have to confess my deep love for a dude and can move on! Mmmmmm...pie!"

(my phone autocorrected to "mmmmmm... Pierre" and I was like 👀 even my phone's like Dean is bi and looking for a french dude to take his mind off Cas lolll)

So to summarize...Dean Winchester loves Castiel and the last 2 episodes is some outrageous bullshit and I'll never get over it unless by some miracle Jensen obtains the rights to the show and fixes it!

#dean is bi #dean winchester is in love with castiel #deancas #deancass #deanwinchester #destiel headcanon #destiel is love #destiel is real #bi dean #deans mix tape #dean x castiel #castiel winchester #casdean #canon destiel #castiel #cas #destiel is canon #dean winchester #destiel #destiel angst #destielgate

[dotthings]

Since yes I do remember I have a tumblr and should probably use it to express myself because I’m wordy. After witnessing stan twitter 1,345, on a platform where nuance isn’t exactly common, I have some thoughts.

First: No EP or writer from spn has ever denied Destiel exists or ever told shippers to stop seeing or stop talking about it or mocked us for seeing it in their work. The writing team (which includes several queer writers) continues to work in textual level material as well as subtext and queer coding.

Second: A majority of Destiel fandom doesn’t harass and hate on the cast/crew/writers and we can see how Destiel’s now becoming increasingly textual in intent. We’re pragmatic about the chances of openly declared confirmation. That doesn’t make it less “real.” It’s getting more and more exhausting witnessing a subset angrily shouting down their own ship and attacking the show as a whole. That isn’t how I feel about spn and Destiel and I know I’m not alone on this. I’m not invalidating their rage. I’m tired of all of Destiel fandom being blamed for the behavior of a few and I don’t think the ones who behave like that are how most Destiel shippers act or how they see the situation (which is complicated) or how most shippers feel. Some are more wary than others, without being vitriolic or close-minded about Destiel and canon. Destiel fandom is not a groupthink.

Destiel is an important part of the show. It’s actually the relationship that is my personal heart center, and I’ve been yelled at plenty just for feeling that way about it, but it’s moot, canon made me feel that, canon gave me the ample content for Dean and Cas and their relationship, canon had opportunities to remove it, to end it, and never did. Instead canon built it up and added layers and made them even closer. Their relationship has been part of the A-plot. Even if it’s not the center of the show, it’s still crucial. (When are people going to get this simple concept? Something doesn’t have to be THE center to still be greatly important). For context, I’m a fan of Team Free Will too, and the bro bond, not just Destiel, and have been watching SPN since the pilot aired.

At some point under Dabb’s tenure on SPN, the way canon handled Destiel changed, from subtext, to moments where it broke into full text in ways I could no longer unsee how seriously the writing team takes this ship. I went from calmly resigned it was never going to actually be a thing, to the hair on the back of my arms standing on end because stuff was happening, and continued to happen, and it was no longer confined entirely to subtext, even if it wasn’t consummated or loudly confirmed.

Because there’s still people who straw man this kind of discussion, let me state very clearly: you are not wrong to want more open, loud representation.

Also: there is nothing wrong with wanting Dean and Cas to kiss. Or hoping for a sex scene. I’d be delighted if SPN goes that far. But if you’re out there insisting a kiss or some other explicitly sexual gesture is the absolutely, hard line the only way it will ever “count” you are hurting other fans, you are erasing the actual queer content. If you would burn the internet down in rage because Dean and Cas gets confirmation via a hand-hold or verbal confirmation or even a 3rd party statement penny drop when they aren’t even in the room, and claim that it doesn’t “count” and it’s “not enough” while you go on the attack, that’s not supportive of the ship or the work the writers have done to give it to fans as much as they can.

There has to be room for ships that fall between “loudly openly confirmed with sex scenes” and “nothing in canon backs this ship and it’s only fanon.”

Destiel in canon has had to date more canon build-up, more material, more arcing, than some canon ships in various fandoms. Yet people still deny its validity. Why is that? Why is that?

I’m not going around claiming a ship like that is incredible representation. There’s better representation available. Maybe go support that instead of obsessively attacking SPN, the crew, the cast, and turning against your own OTP.

There has to be room for multiple choice options rather than just “malicious queerbaiters!!” to allow for ships like Destiel where it’s obvious from the canon the creatives are taking it seriously in terms of story but are being held back from taking it where they would like to go with it. We won’t know until spn is over whether Destiel is getting its loudly open confirmation and consummation or not. I’m not making you promises, I’m not claiming to have inside info, I’m not claiming I know how this will go. I’m describing to you what I can see, with my eyes, so far, in both canon, which is borne out by extra-textual comments and incidents, but the extra-textual back-up is just support for what I can see in the canon.

I’d also like to know since when is fandom wank more important than the actual canon content. When did the drama and conflicts within the parasocial relationship between the people who make the show and fans become the thing calling all the shots here while people ignore the canon.

Let’s play a game. Close your eyes. Breath deeply. Imagine SPN canon, everything playing out exactly as it has in canon up to this point, but in fandom there was never a loud group of obsessed antis pounding in your ears calling you delusional or fake fans or ruining spn for seeing it. There were never antis repeating the weirdly contradictory “this show is about FAMILY so Destiel can’t be a thing.” There were never antis twisting the canon into uncrecognizable knots so they could deny and deny and deny how much Dean and Cas care for each other even as friends, along with their phobic anti-shipping concern trolling. There were never antis supposedly on your ship team (Destiel shippers who are hurt and disappointed at the lack of loud, open confirmation, which is valid, but some turned toxic over it) telling you there’s nothing there and you’re only being baited and it’s not real and you’re delusional for seeing it and a traitor to the ship if you see anything good for Destiel in the canon. Imagine you never heard of twitter.

Imagine that.

Would you doubt what’s before your eyes? Would you deny it was valid?

#Destiel #Supernatural #spn #spnmeta

[miminiac]

Korrasami had build up, just maybe not one you identified with and that’s okay...

I am tired of the LGBTQ+ community hating on Legend of Korra (LoK) for not being gay enough. The critique that there wasn’t enough build up is (1) not productive at all and (2) honestly, not true. There was build up. It may not be the build up every LGBTQ+ person will like, and it may not relate to the experience of every person’s coming out, but it was there. Korrasami was something the creators had tossed around as soon as Book 1 (not that they necessarily had permission to do anything about it). Take this quote from Bryan Konietzko’s tumblr post after the finale aired:

As we wrote Book 1, before the audience had ever laid eyes on Korra and Asami, it was an idea I would kick around the writers’ room. At first we didn’t give it much weight, not because we think same-sex relationships are a joke, but because we never assumed it was something we would ever get away with depicting on an animated show for a kids network in this day and age, or at least in 2010. (link)

The post also discusses how Makorra was never meant to be endgame after Book 1. Again, the time LoK was airing was at a point where states were passing laws to actively prevent gay marriage (LoK ended in 2014, legalization of same-sex marriage by supreme court ruling wasn’t until 2015––context is important). Did they actively write a romance in Books 1 and 2, no they did not. However, as many creators and writers, they let the characters lead them and they discovered that Korra and Asami were more than just friends. Again, taken from the same post:

The more Korra and Asami’s relationship progressed, the more the idea of a romance between them organically blossomed for us

So what we have with Korra and Asami is not a planned romantic relationship from the very beginning, however, the characters have been leading them there since the beginning, whether they realized it or not. Now, I am a big fan of Barthes’ “Death of the Author”, so I 100% percent think that viewers/readers have the ability to inject their own narratives and that multiple narratives can coexist. However, the point of this post is to explain why a critique of “wish they did more” is not productive when it comes to discussion of LoK of a piece of LGBTQ+ media representation. Therefore, I turn to the creators to show that there was intent and there was subtext and build up within Book 3 and 4 (as Bryan discusses in his post, please read in full when you have time).

A lot of Korrasami was hidden in subtext, and that happened because of homophobia within the industry, which still exists today. Content creators of LGBTQ+ media continue to have to walk a fine line. Take Noelle Stevenson talking about Catradora:

My big fear was that I would show my hand too early and get told very definitively that I was not allowed to do this

And like with Catradora (though a little easier since Noelle told viewers that every character is a part of the LGBTQ+ community by default unless explicitly stated otherwise), people saw Korrasami from as early as Book 2 (if not Book 1 on a rewatch).

At the time LoK started airing, I still thought I was straight; I still thought I was straight when I was watching the third season and telling my then boyfriend how Korra and Asami were going to be a couple by the end (literally, when they interacted in the first episode of season 3 while Asami taught Korra how to drive, I turned to him and said it; he said they would never do that and it was a pipe dream). I continued to see Korrasami’s friendship build into something romantic (even if the characters themselves were unaware of it).  

Come Season 3 Episode 9, where Asami carries away a helpless Korra, mimicking Katara having carried away a helpless Aang. For those who had watched the original series and were big Korrasami shippers, this scene basically made it canon. It could be argued as the point that maybe the friendship switched to something more romantic. The rest of season 3 and all of season 4 only added moments between these two (side note: I came out as bisexual soon after season 4 started airing, though I had been questioning my sexuality probably since the end of season 3).

Now is the Korrasami relationship perfect, absolutely not. Bryke admits as much, but it was a significant step forward. Again, this happened in 2014, so a lot of narrative within media of states passing laws to discriminate against same-sex couples and deny marriage. The hand-holding scene everyone screams about not being enough. Well, they received plenty of homophobic backlash from that.

The critique that they didn’t do enough is not productive. It is a critique that could be said about most main-stream LGBTQ+ media. I get that we are tired of scraps; I get that we are tired of having to read between the lines because creators are still afraid to come out and say it (pun intended). However, to critique LoK as “not being gay enough” ignores the context in which it was created and what that representation meant to many of the viewers (like myself) who were discovering themselves and their sexuality at the time.

Avatar: the Last Airbender (ATLA) was made for 8-13 year olds (from season 1), and I would argue that LoK was made for that same group of people, who would have then been 14-19 years old when LoK first aired. Thus, LoK was being watched by those entering high school and college––a time of self-discovery.

Additionally, a critique that LoK doesn’t do enough leads to an idea that there is “a right way” to create a LGBTQ+ relationship, which I would argue is harmful to the community at large. If you did not identify with Korra’s coming out, that’s completely valid. If you did not identify with the way the Korrasami relationship progressed, that is also valid. But you cannot invalidate the relationship of Korrasami, as a relationship built off a friendship and mutual respect that blossomed by into something more. The relationship was not sexualized with wistful glances and blatant sexual tension, instead, it was built on a friendship and respect for boundaries.

Again, multiple narratives can be drawn given each viewer has a unique set of experiences. One such reading could show that Asami was more in tune with her feelings for Korra than Korra was about her feelings for Asami. And, instead of flirting non-stop with Korra, Asami respects Korra’s space (though we all saw her check out Korra’s back muscles) and recognizes that Korra has a lot on her plate being the avatar, a relationship is not something on the forefront of her mind. It is only after defeating Kuvira (and the healing/growth from a few episodes prior in "Beyond the Wilds”) that Korra is able to truly understand her feelings to Asami, suggesting they take a trip together––just the two of them.

Now, you may not identify with that type of coming out, but other people do. And to argue that “LoK didn’t make Korrasami explicit enough” undermines the experiences of those in the LGBTQ+ who heavily identified with Korra’s experiences and her coming out.

Holding LGBTQ+ media to this higher standard is inherently toxic. I would like to believe that these creators are coming from a good place with good intentions. There is nothing toxic or abusive in the way Korrasami is portrayed. There is nothing unrealistic about the way their relationship progressed throughout the series. It was not a fan service––it was the natural progression of the characters.

And let’s not forget that Korrasami is not only confirming a relationship between two women, but it is also two women of color. Now, it may not seem like a huge deal within the contexts of the Avatar World, but it is important to remember the context of where this show was airing.

There are things we can critique LoK on. It isn’t perfect. We can discuss the hiring of white voice actors (as a way to hold new media that is being created or will be created accountable, not as a way to just hate on LoK); we can discuss the voices within the writers room and the lack of diversity there. These are critiques that can be made of ATLA and LoK and countless of other media produced. This is a valid critique when used constructively. It is not meant to tear down an entire piece of media and everything that it has done for various communities, but rather to point to a flaw within the way media is being produced and the racist, sexist, and homophobic systems in place that determine what and how media is produced.

If we are to critique, we could look to reimagining how we create and consume media, not tearing down media that has already been produced and stands in a pivotal spot of the community. As Audre Lorde says:

For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house.

If we are continually operating within the systems of oppression, we will never truly be able to dismantle them. Thus, to operate within the institutions of Nickelodeon, Netflix, Disney, etc. is to be beholden to the rules and constraints of a moderate, heteronormative, sexist, racist society. If creators stray too far from that line too quickly, there will be backlash. The perfect LGBTQ+ representation cannot exist while made within these institutions.

I would like to mention this statement is not to say that we cannot critique or boycott movies or shows that are performative in their diversity. There is no excuse for Hollywood after the successes of Black Panther (2018) and Crazy Rich Asians (2018) (and others) to not fill the crew and writers with the same representation being shown on the screen. We can, and should, hold production companies accountable––and given the internet, it is something we can do even early on in the production process.

I have gotten a little off track, but my point is, think about your critiques. Really ask yourself if it is a productive critique, or if it is critique that actually harms or is toxic to the community. Critiques are hard, I understand that. When we first start to think critically, it is easy to just jump on these “low hanging fruit” type critiques. It takes practice and comfortability learning and expanding your world view to construct a critique that looks at context from various point of views and experiences.

#korrasami #in this essay i will #let's talk about critiques #korra #asami sato #asami #legend of korra #tlok #lok #avatar #atla #avatar the last airbender #bisexual #lgbtq community #lgbtq representation #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #bisexuality #women loving women #sorry for the wall of text #i had to remove links because tumblr marked them as spam but you can message me if you want links

[stevenbasic]

“Wait tell me again we lost how many people?!?” I asked, still unable to believe it. Too much was happening, too much too quickly. Here I was, sitting in this monstrosity of an office Melissa has somehow arranged to be built for herself while we were away, in front of her gigantic new desk, still dealing with what happened with Sheryl at home (more on that later), and now this?!? More quittings?!?

“Shhh we’ll be fine…” Melissa soothed, trying to placate me as she poured a coffee for me at her new, elegant coffee station in the corner, “it was just the girls from accounting, Sharon from the front desk, a few part-time medical assistants…” I watched her add sugar and milk, and more milk. “Kathy was having trouble with Doris and Marjorie in accounting, anyway.”

I put my head in my hands. I can’t say I didn’t know this day was coming. So many of my old employees hated Melissa. Or, rather, they hated me for being such a weak turd, so easily enchanted by a big pair of tits that I’d hire an under-qualified, under-experienced girl like “Melissssy” to be their boss and basically run the finances of the practice into the ground, which was exactly what was happening. We’d been bleeding money and now we were bleeding people. Out of a total of seventeen or so original employees at the start, now only a handful were left. The rest, all the new hires were...hers: friends, ex-coworkers, people from this drug company to which she has some connection, a friend in sales. And if she made more hires to replace those that just left, the overwhelming majority at this point would have more loyalty to her than to me. I groaned, lamenting how far I’d let this get....

It was as if she was reading my mind when she consoled me. “Aw, shhhh...You still have CiCi, in scheduling, Aubrey and Brittni at the desk, nurse Vida, a couple medical assistants,” she said, listing the remaining original employees as I took my face from my hands to see her standing over me with my coffee, “And, plus...you have me.”  Her smile was ebullient, and she offered me the warm cup. 

“y-yeah,” I agreed half-heartedly, taking the coffee from her hands, taking my first sip, and immediately noticing she’d put in even more milk than the last time. If I didn’t know any better I’d think she was trying to slowly wean me off coffee, turn me into a milk-drinker. 

She sat back on the desk in front of me, looked down at me with sympathy. It had been a little bit of a shock, after a week of seeing Melissa in the most casual of clothes, in the most revealing of swimwear, to see her in a power suit again. She looked so...put-together, but still dramatically sexy. Her legs, even in her fashionable black pants, were strong and shapely, and even a buttoned-up white blouse and jacket had no chance in hiding the curves of her torso. “Anyway it’s done, they’re gone, they all left last week,” she said, reaching out a hand to cup my face, caress it tenderly, “you don’t have to worry. We took care of it, we have it covered.”

“A-and you knew about th-this, last week? Wh-while we were away?” I asked, voice cracking in my dismay. Though she had told me before, I needed her to repeat it, to explain. 

“Yes, I did,” she clarified, smiling beatifically, “I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want to ruin the nice time we were having, spoil your vacation.” She ran her hand through my hair, brushing it off my forehead. “So I didn’t tell you about all the girls that left. Randi took care of a lot of it, and Amelia. And Marisela, she’s been a great help, too.”

I found myself looking at Melissa's wide, soft lap, and sipped again at my milky coffee. Part of me, I have to admit, was relieved that it happened, finally, that the old veterans were more or less all gone, gone with their perspicacity and judgmental glares. Gone and that I didn't have to face them, that I didn’t need to be there for the unpleasantness. Part of me was glad there was someone else that handled things, that did the work. The way Melissa described it earlier, it sounded like there was a shouting match, a throwdown between Randi - who Melissa had left, probably foolishly, “in charge” while we were away - and the remaining old guard.

I could imagine it, Randi locking horns and talking some real shit - the kind Melissa herself would never be capable of - to the old timers, the ones admittedly most essential to the practice. They probably left in disgust, with only a few of the younger women - who had already found themselves gravitating to Melissa’s orbit - staying on. But - Sharon? My Front Desk Supervisor...she’d been with us from the start! Just like Doris and Marjorie from accounting: they’d all be a huge loss. 

“This is all good news, sweetie, a fresh start,” Melissa purred, continuing to assure me that everything was well in hand, “the only people here now are the ones totally committed to helping us grow and change and get better. And don’t worry, we’ll get in some new girls that love the practice, love you as much as we do. We want to keep you safe, secure...” She watched as I nervously finished the last of my coffee. “Do you want another cup?”

“uuuhhhh...sure…” I replied, as already she’d stood, had taken my cup from my hands. I watched her full hips and big rear, blessed with what looked like an extra sway in her tight black pants, as they rolled voluptuously back to her coffee station.

Safety. Security. ”Hey, uh...what’s up with the new security, on the computers?” I asked, as she fixed me another cup, “How much did that cos-”

“Oh, it didn’t cost us anything,” she replied, as once again she poured a more-than-healthy amount of milk into my coffee, “it was all paid for by Lean In…along with the additions, the improvements, the renovations, too.”

She meant her office, of course. This office. 

I was shocked when I had first came around the corner, directed by Marisela back to where we used to have two old storage rooms, only to find an entire new wing, a bright, contemporary hallway where once there was none. Had we taken space from the suite of offices next door?! Who’d okayed this?? How’d it get done so quickly?? We were away for only a week and I come home to...this?!? The hallway led, it seemed, to several new rooms: the first, on my right, looking to be the most impressive of them, behind an elegant set of double doors, a transom window above. On the door, a sophisticated placard: “Melissa Monroe - Office Manager”.

This was Melissa’s new office?!? Flabbergasted even before I first walked in, my jaw totally hit the floor when I opened the door and - I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was beautiful, and it was big. Modern, lots of whites, grays, natural driftwood tones brightened by tons of natural light. There was a sitting area with a voluptuous white couch, a big, comfortable chair and a plush white area rug underneath it all. Huge windows with a seductive view of the city skyline loomed behind an impressive desk at which sat a queen ready to receive her subjects: Melissa, my twenty-something new Office Manager. The whole place looked - and, I realized, as I stepped in - smelled just like her. Immediately - crap, whyyyyy…?? Is this some sort of weird instinct, now? - I felt myself thickening across my hip.

She stood, spreading her arms wide, and with a great swell of her chest in pride asked me: “Don’t you love it???” 

“I-it’s...b-beautiful…” was all I could manage as I walked in, unable to shake the feeling that I was entering dangerous territory, soil that was not my own. A new domain that was undeniably...hers.

She had giggled, and had asked me to sit.

So as I sat here now and drank my second cup of milk-thick coffee I looked around, again. I was beside myself. So, it was all paid for by “Lean In”?? Great, but I never intended for her to have an office!  Previously, she was just stationed in her own area in the main central space, in a semi-private corner but among the other staff. She had had a desk but now - an office?!? And - it’s so much bigger than mine!! By...a lot! It makes mine look like a walk-in closet! Did she realize it?? Was she that oblivious to how emasculating it is seeing a young, attractive employee get a bigger office than you? Or - the more scary thought - was that the point?

“The people at Lean In were so cool, more than happy to pay for it all,” Melissa explained, “as long as it was supporting growth in a company like ours.”

I knew I shouldn’t even ask it...but then I did. “L-like ours?”

She smiled benevolently down at me. “Woman-owned, woman-managed,” she said, as gently as she could, barely containing the giddy, feminist pride that was so obviously bubbling inside her. “Sheryl was the one that okayed the construction,” she added, as if unable to help herself. 

In the subtext, I felt like an afterthought, and was acutely aware of the fragile bones of my pride snapping, just like kindling, inside me. 

“We all thought the changes, the new rooms, the extra money for staff, would be great,” she continued, taking a moment to look around, admire her handiwork, “perfect first steps in our expansion.”

“E-expansion?” 

”Well, of course we need to replace the girls that we lost,” Melissa said, her eyes rolling but then falling back down to me again, “but we should add even more people, make ourselves bigger. It’s part of Lean In...growth, development, success, for women.” She was watching me closely. “Don’t you want to see that?”

”w-well, yes, of course,” I stammered, reflexively, “b-but...wait, what? more people?” Didn’t we have trouble meeting payroll just last week?

”To help revenue, since you’re not bringing in as much anymore - oh, shh don’t feel bad!” she continued, seeing my startled reaction. 

I was doing fine! Seeing patients, billing. It’s the financial mismanagement, the crummy scheduling and day-to-days of you and your...your...people that are-

“It’s okay, it’s okay, we’ll fix it. Lean In gave me some ideas, and I got some more ideas at the conference on how to make it work,” she went on, obviously excited for her new plans, “We should hire more providers - they’ll all have to be women, of course, for Lean In - but Nurse Practitioners, maybe a Nurse Asstha...Attess…”

“Aesthetician?” I helped, even through my disarray.

“Yes, that..! <giggle!> They can all make us a lot of money,” she said, “And they’ll all need support staff, so that’s more people…”

Of course I’d considered all this, adding secondary providers like PAs, APRNs, employees that can bill aside from myself so the practice has more income. We already had one part-time APRN, Vida...when I’d done the numbers before it just never made sense to bring on more. Why would it now? And...an Aesthetician - what did they do? Botox, Laser hair removal, chemical peels? At a Geriatrics practice?

“It sounds...expensive,” I said, knowing I was being too meek but god help me unable to disappoint her, not wanting to upset her by really putting my foot down with a ‘no’. “Expensive” was all I could manage. .

“It’s okay,” she quickly replied, ready with her response, “we have the Lean In money to start...and they'll bring in more than you, pretty quickly.“

Oh my god. It was like I could hear the overwrought strands of my stretched-thin ego actually snapping.

“okay okay okay...we can talk about it,” I said, disbelieving how far this conversation had gotten already. I was such a mess, after the travel and the fight with Sheryl and the bad night of sleep, the return to work and the thing with the computer, her office and now this. But I knew I had to step up, be proactive. Remember the last round of quittings, and the new hires after that? That’s how we got Amelia, and Josie, and that stern lady in accounting. “But first we have to replace the people we lost, just so we can operate,” I said, with as much authority as I could muster, adding, “a-and I want to be more involved this time.”

“Oh, of course, sugar, sure, if you insist,” Melissa replied, sweetly, indulgently, “I’ve already asked Randi to start looking for some girls. Here, why don’t we bring her in...” At that, she turned to her right and pressed the button on an intercom. “You two can come in now,” she announced. 

In less than a moment the door behind me had opened, and I craned my neck to see both Randi and Marisela stepping in. “Hiiiiii….” Randi keened, while Marisela just smiled.  Both were dark of complexion, dark of hair. Both were wearing black, both were in similar outfits. Randi’s pants, though, had flared cuffs while Marisela’s outfit was more figure-hugging head-to-toe. Randi was also wearing higher heels and a clingy silk blouse. Despite myself, I felt my loins respond...I was suddenly in a room with three very attractive women.

Politely, I started to stand, to offer one of them my chair. Melissa, though, immediately stopped me, sticking out her foot onto my seat, between my legs. “No, you sit,” she commanded.

I froze, sat back down, and in the next moment they were behind me, flanking me, one on either side. For some reason, my heart had quickened, and I felt surrounded. “H-hi ladies…” I stuttered, hearing the wimpish uncertainty in my voice, and then the contented purring of Marisela and Randi as they settled warmly behind me, close and confident.

”So... Dr. J agrees,” Melissa began, addressing her attendants, “we need to hire some more girls, and he wants to make sure he’s more involved in the process this time. Think we can do that?”

“Oh, for sure,” Randi answered, her voice entirely too sultry for a Monday morning, “I think we can do that.” She placed her hand on my left shoulder. “Can’t we, Marisela?” 

“Mmhm yeah sure...we can do that,” Marisela agreed, her hand now on my other shoulder. I caught myself swallowing dryly, confused. Marisela, in the past, had never seemed to warm to the new girls, to Randi, to Melissa. In fact, I thought she kinda hated them, in her own dark, quiet, passive aggressive way.

When Randi spoke up, it was again as if my mind was being read. ”With you gone last week, Dr J, with less patients, we girls had a lot of time to get to know one another,” she said, hovering close behind me on my left, “I think we all really started to come together as a team-.” . 

”...and realize how much we missed you,” Marisela chimed in, on my right, coming closer. I could feel the warmth of both of their bodies behind me, and it was doing nothing for my efforts to keep myself from - ugh - slowly hardening in my slacks.

“We had an early meeting this morning, at seven, all the girls,” Melissa said, her eyes on me, “so now we’re all on the same page, the new and old staff.” She cocked her head. “Randi? Would you fix his hair for me?”

“Haha yeah…” Randi replied, running a hand through my hair, arranging stray locks over my left ear.

“I told them all about some of the stuff we talked about on vacation,” Melissa continued, smiling as her friend tended to me, idly.

”L-like...what stuff?” I stammered, recoiling already at the memories, but allowing Randi’s ministrations. The thought of them all know-

”Ohh you remember…‘It can be more like this when we get home, y’know, with all the girls,’” Marisela said, as if repeating word-for-word what Melissa had said to me, that morning out by the pool as she loomed over me with her huge breasts in that white bikini, “It doesn’t have to be just Melissa. You can take care of patients-”

“...and we’ll take care of you,” Randi said, picking up where Marisela left off, in perfect harmony, repeating verbatim what Melissa had promised me, “Let us do all the hard work, make sure everything is easy for you, make sure that you’re comfortable, happy…”

“...that you get everything you need,” Marisela continued, moving her left arm around my neck, tighter. I felt the subtle press of her d-cup against the back of my head. What the fuck was happening?!?

“You remember…” Melisssa purred, leaning in towards me from where she sat, over me, on her huge new desk.

looked after, protected... 

I thought back, in that instant, to the starkly contrasting moment of last night, of my fight with Sheryl.

...supported...nurtured, fed…

Where she, Sheryl...she did what she did. While these girls, this group of women, seemed ready for me, ready for me to land in, ready to catch my fall.

...burped...changed…

“All you have to do is sit back and...let us. Let me,” Melissa said. As my cock pressed uncomfortably into my leg, straining my pants under the hapless cover of my folded arms, I could feel it, imagining it again….a finger trace across my bare belly, like that morning, as I lay on the lounger by the pool, “Let me expand what we can do, let us grow...”

The girls grew closer, like a coven coalescing around me.

But...but...I knew...I knew what I’d said I’d do. That I’d...be better. That I’d...be strong. That I’d...

”I-I th-think-“

”Shhhh...that’s your problem,” Melissa stopped me, before I even began, leaning even closer towards me on the desk, bringing her face nearer to my own, “stop thinking, sweetie, stop worrying…” 

”Yeah, Dr, J, that’s right...” Randi breathed.

:”...that’s for us to do now….” Marisela concluded, “...boss.”

================================

Thanks to user at GTSCity Rivense1 a way's back for the idea on the new office, and of course SaulJinzer for the Melissssy render. Check out his DeviantArt: lots of great Denise Milani giantess stuff and his 3D model for her is top-notch.

#Growing Into the Job

[lizziestudieshistory]

Let's have a chat about books, reading, and the impact of places like booktube, book twitter, and the dreaded goodreads! I've been mulling on this post for a while and I wasn't sure if I was going to write it. But as this blog is mainly a space for me to work out some feelings, I'm doing it for myself. So sorry for rambling, lack of proofreading, and the ridiculous amount of punctuation, especially parentheses. Feel free to keep scrolling and ignore me!

If you've interacted with me (in real life or online) for longer than about 5 seconds you'll know I like books... In fact "like" is a bit of an understatement... It's one of my defining character traits and has been since I learnt to read. I'm that person who, takes books to the pub and regularly falls over things because they're attempting to walk and read (and have done many times to the great amusement of my so called "friends"!) Yet, recently I've been feeling a bit...odd about my reading, like I'm not good enough to be a proper reader and, after some introspection and weird conversations with my bookish friends, I've pinpointed why. (Hint: it's bookish social media!)

When lockdown started my reading skyrocketed. At the time I was employed as a library assistant and was put on furlough while the library was closed, so I had more time than ever to read and the inclination to do it because I was bored. This led me to reading almost a third more than I usually do in a year, in some months I doubled it reading from 4-6 books a month to 10-13!

In some ways this was great, I was reading more than ever; in others it wasn't because, to be frank, I don't remember a lot of those books well. I can tell you plot and main characters but themes, feelings, my thoughts on them? Not much, for some nothing at all. In terms of quality it was a mediocre year - I actually struggled to find a top 5 list of books because I couldn't remember them and didn't think the quality was worth the praise. I did read some new favourites: Wuthering Heights, Emma, Beren and Lúthien are really the only stand out books, and maybe Rhythm of War for the sheer excitement.

However, 2020 set a precedent for me. I know I can read just under 100 books a year when I usually average 55-60. Rationally, I know 60 books is a lot when I'm a part time student, carer, and tiny business owner! Most days I only get an hour or two to properly sit down read before bed, once I'm finished with all my other responsibilities. But the possibility is still there, and it's starting to eat away at me as I've returned to my very reasonable 4-6 books a month now I'm busy again.

I've ALWAYS been happy with how much I read. But this year I'm not, and it's to do with the simultaneous reading boost and proper discovery of bookish social media. Lockdown gave me the free time to doss about on my phone (my phone and I are the best example of "frienemies" you could imagine!) In that time I found book twitter properly and, actually started watching booktube. I knew both existed but working, studying, and so forth didn't give me the breathing room to properly participate. It made me conscious of HOW MUCH some people read in a year, the boggling numbers and stats some people have around their reading lives. Don't get me wrong, I love a spreadsheet. I've had a spreadsheet for reading since I had to demonstrate my excel skills in Year 9 for a test and created one to track my reading. (I was a nerd, I know...) Point being I like stats, I like reading, both together are great - in moderation.

However, the inbuilt assumptions, expectations, and consumerism around booktube, bookstagram, goodreads, etc. are really unhealthy! It makes reading competitive and a social performance. For some people this works, it works for me to SOME extent. As I've said, I like reading stats and I've kept my own independently of bookish social media since I was 14 (cue feeling old...!) Yet the obsession with how many books you read in a month, is it more than X, am I reading the "right" books and most popular books is insane. And no, no one is doing this explicitly. But the implication is there and there IS a subtext with this unspoken competitiveness. It's not good for me and it's made me, for the first time in my life, feel guilt over what I'm reading or not reading?!

This month (April) has been particularly rough. I've had deadlines and a busy work month which means I've finished three books and a play, and I'm half way through two others. Two years ago I'd have been fine with that, but now I feel like it's not good enough? Why? Because I'm disappointed because I've not read more...

To add insult to imagined, self-inflicted injury, this has been my best month of the year in terms of quality and enjoyment. I've read some cracking novels, an eye opening non-fiction, and had the most wonderful time rereading and annotating Emma. Emma is my favourite novel! I've been wanting to slowly reread it and annotate the story for months! The extent of annotation I wanted to do, not to mention research, means I can't read it fast! Yet I'm annoyed at myself because I've been reading Emma exclusively for 16 days without finishing a book (the fact I know this is...alarming!) I've had the best time, it's been fun, enlightening, and an escape from my fairly boring life. But I'm still frustrated with myself?

So, what does this really mean?

Firstly, I do need to address, privately, my own insecurities and weird relationship with social media when it comes to books. This is a new thing, or a new awareness of it, but it does need some self reflection and rebalancing of my personal priorities.

Secondly, I'm going to avoid bookish social media. Well, mostly. Nothing is changing on here! I'll still be talking about my reading, chatting with people about their own books, and so forth. But I'm abandoning goodreads, book twitter, and booktube. I don't have instagram or tiktok so I can spare myself that palaver at least!

I'm also, for the first time in 8/9 years, going to leave behind my spreadsheet for a bit. I may come back to it because I love looking at my original clunky spreadsheet, how it's improved, and my changing reading tastes (not to mention the alarming number of times I've reread some books, it's honestly a bit embarrassing.) It's got sentimental value! But I need some space to not think about numbers for a bit.

This means I'll mainly be tracking my reading in my journal and returning to the important parts of reading. The books themselves. And my relationship with them: what do I actually think about the media I'm consuming? Am I enjoying myself? Did I take something away from this book? Not just adding them to a list to say "look at how many books I've read!" No one cares, not even me!

Basically, I want to reclaim the love of reading places like twitter and youtube sucked out of me. If you love these places then great! I'm genuinely happy for you, but my personality, mixed with pressures on my time means they're not a healthy place for me.

Anyway, back to Emma because I'm on holiday, it's the ball at The Crown, and I'm in love with Emma and Mr Knightley!

#books #reading #bookish social media #my relationship with reading #personal #long post #did not proofread #sorry guys #tbh i was fed up from proofreading my essay #emma #jane austen #emma is the best and everyone should read it

[cat-bit]

An Objective Assessment of c!Dream’s Current Situation and What the Future Might Hold

/rp SO One thing I want to get out of the way first off is that we all know Dream will eventually get out of that prison. It is a foregone conclusion at this point; he’s not going to be in there forever. Now, exactly how he gets out of there is the topic of hot debate right now, and honestly I’m excited to see what they might plan (as long as it doesn’t involve outright destroying it please GOD after yesterday’s trip through it that would break my heart). I think the theory of Dream pulling the favor card with Techno is the most popular at the moment. REGARDLESS!!! That is not what I’m here to talk about. What I really want to get into is how Dream’s situation will stay objectively the same regardless of whether or not he gets out of Pandora’s Vault. Because it’s honestly fascinating. 

The finale of season 2 brought with it some very interesting revelations about Dream as a character, which honestly felt like rain in the desert because at this point, we know so little about him. Now, the added mystery is what makes him intriguing, but it also leaves the audience in the twilight zone when it comes to important things, like his motivations and how those things might drive him to behave well into the future. Any scrap of information we get is important, because it helps us piece together a more coherent picture of the guy, thus allowing us to make reasonable predictions about the future of the SMP, and his place in it. In the finale, Dream revealed that his obsession with Tommy’s discs had less to do with control over Tommy individually and more to do with control over the server as a whole. Although, don’t get me wrong, they were still a very large part of the deal. Tommy was very much Dream’s lynchpin. He was the fulcrum of Dream’s entire plot; everything rested on him being able to contain Tommy and use him for his own means. But Tommy and his discs were also stepping stones towards a much larger goal, evident in the macabre trophy room Dream made, ready and waiting for all the items and pets (and even people) of personal importance to individuals all across the server.  Dream claimed that it was Tommy who brought attachment (and therefore conflict through attachment) to the server (”to discs, to pets, to friends, to land, to countries, to items”), and in several ways he was correct. The Disc Saga was the beginning of interpersonal conflict on the Dream SMP, and Dream fixated on this in a big way, to the point where he narrowed down all his problems to both attachment and control, until he landed on control through attachment. And in the finale, Dream claimed that he willingly gave up all of his own attachments so that no one would be able to control him like he planned to control everyone else-- we even saw this in action waaay back at the beginning of the Exile Arc, when Dream straight up told Tommy to burn Spirit’s remains, and claimed that he didn’t care about anything or anyone barring the discs. Now, we can sort of interpret what he meant when he said that’s all he cares about, because we have another piece of the bigger picture thanks to that finale. When Dream said all he cared about was the discs, we only have to look into the subtext of the scene to see that what he was actually saying was that all he cares about is control. Control is to Dream what Attachment is to Tommy; he has to have it, he’ll do anything to get it, he pretty much did do anything to get it.  And then he lost. And we get to see the first fracture in the mask of the confidant, taunting, cruel, and manipulative Dream we’ve gotten used to. He wasn’t expecting to lose; this wasn’t in the cards for him. He went into that confrontation with the assumption that he had planned for everything. He went into it with the assumption that he knew everything he needed to about his opponents, and how to manipulate everything to fall in his favor. Except he was wrong. Because in all that crowing about attachments and controlling people through them, it ended up being the one thing he didn’t account for. Yes, Punz was an absolute champion for leading everyone to the portal that got them into Dream’s vault, and his line when he stepped through will go down in history right next to “It was never meant to be”, but remember: he was paid to do it. He is a mercenary. For him, this was not about attachment. What I’d really like to point your attention to is literally everyone else. Oh to be a fly on the wall in that moment; I wish we could have seen it. Punz was the only one who was obligated to enter that vault; he accepted payment from Tommy, they had a de-facto contract. Everyone else had the option of staying behind. They didn’t have to go. They could have simply… done nothing. Stayed where they were and accepted the likelihood that Tommy and Tubbo would not be coming back. But they didn’t. They all came to both a personal and a collective decision to follow Punz into that situation. For one reason or another, they made a conscious choice to stand against Dream. They didn’t know what they would find on the other end of that portal, perhaps it would be certain death. But they went anyway. And it was all because of attachment. Not necessarily attachment to Tommy-- Jack Manifold and Niki were both there, and we all know how they feel about him-- but attachment in general nonetheless. Just as Dream said, Tommy brought conflict to the server, conflict that stemmed from attachments: “to pets, to friends, to land, to countries, to items.” Because of this, everyone had stakes in this game. Everyone had something on the line whether they knew it or not, something they could lose if Dream won, and again I only have to point to that trophy room to prove it. But they decided that Dream was no longer allowed to be the puppetmaster, making his plays from the shadows and laughing while everyone else suffered around him.  They made a stand as a collective, something frequent Ranboo viewers (myself included) have been frothing at the mouth for in the past few weeks. They formed a physical barrier between Dream and Tommy+Tubbo; they forced him to back down. I cannot stress this enough: this one scene was the highest the Dream SMP has ever climbed. The triumph and heart in that one moment was indescribable. It was vindication, and solidarity, and righteous anger, and courage, and hope, and unity.

For the first time in a very long time, the entire server stood for something as one again, and that is what will not change about Dream’s situation if he makes it out of Pandora’s Vault. Dream has no one. He said it himself, he purposefully cut away all attachments. And Techno? Techno will only help Dream in the future because that debt is still hanging over his head. Otherwise, their goals don’t align anymore. Remember, Techno has recently made a more concrete commitment to anarchy- not just wanton destruction, but true anarchy, relying not on hierarchy, but on communal effort and ties. And Dream is on the fast track to becoming a true tyrant. That too is a foregone conclusion. Dream’s obsession with control and order on the SMP will inevitably lead to tyranny; there is no other place for it to go, and I don’t think Techno will stand for that. Once his debt is repaid and Dream cashes in that favor, Techno will no longer be obliged to assist him.  And even then, even with the possibility of Techno helping him, even with the possibility of him putting Punz back on his payroll, Dream will still have no one. You think either of those guys are going to be his friend? No. At best, it will be a business partnership, at worst Dream will have to force Techno to honor the debt. Techno is a wildcard in every sense of the word, and someone could always just pay Punz more than Dream again. He has no one to rely on, no one who is truly loyal to him. That’s what stays the same. Because even if he makes it out of Pandora’s Vault, he will still be just as alone on the outside as he is in that cell. 

#dream smp #I still have so many feelings about that finale #im also excited about all the separate visitations we are going to see! #like Puffy and Ranboo #I think each consecutive visitor Dream has will slowly peel back those layers and reveal more and more about whats waiting for us #also obligatory 'this is all rp' tag #i wrote this post entirely about the characters #not the content creators

[auror-lovie]

I Loved You, Mr. Scamander; Ending 1 Part 2

━━━•✦.✧. Author’s Note.✧.✦•━

WAIT Y’ALL ACTUALLY LIKE VICTORIA???

PLOT TWIST!

━━━━━•✦.✧. Summary .✧.✦•━

Victoria always thought that writing out her feelings would make them disappear. And it worked!... Until Paris. When she returned home, she reread the letters she wrote about them.

━━━━━•✦.✧. Add-Ons .✧.✦•━

TW; SELF HARM: Picking at skin

THETORIA  (Theseus/Victoria) SUBTEXT (If you don’t want to read this then just click away)

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━━

After what happened in Paris, Victoria decided to take a break from working in the Ministry. She had just lost so much that it was taking a toll on her. Years of emotional baggage, finally released but at what cost? Her leaving the people she loved?

Yeah. That idea sounded better in her head.

A year away from the Ministry made her realize how mundane the muggle world was. In that year, she put her wand back in its box that Ollivander gave her all those years ago and put that box in a trunk that stayed in her closet. She distanced herself from the wizarding world, only keeping tabs via The Daily Prophet. 

Though she thought the muggle world was a bit mundane, she found herself falling in love with the muggle world, despite its flaws.

She needed income if she was going to keep living in that flat. So Victoria had cut her hair and started wearing men's clothing. She managed to charm her identification card to present herself as a male and got a job as a bartender.

When she wasn’t at work, she often strolled through the parks. Reading a book, thinking, or just… observing. Muggles were like wizards- possibly more advanced than they were. They had their own problems, their own battles, their own wars to fight.

Then she’d return home. Home to the flat that she shared with (Y/N). Even though she knew (Y/N) was gone, it didn’t stop Victoria from announcing that she was home. Old habits die hard.

“(Y/N)... I’m home…” Victoria whispered.

No answer. 

Victoria closed the door to her flat and walked over to the couch. She sat down and eyed a small box that sat on the coffee table in front of her. It was like the box was taunting her to open it, but if she were, the memories of her curse would reveal itself.

Her curse? She loved people too much.

She had put so much love into the world without expecting the world to reciprocate. She’s had many infatuations, but those died out within weeks or a month after she realized her affections.

There were only people in Victoria’s life that she ever truly loved, but due to circumstances, she only allowed herself to love them from afar. Hesitantly, she opened a small box. This box contained the letters to all the people she’s ever loved- not like she’d ever let those people read it. Opening the box, she picked up and opened the first letter her fingers touched…

Newt.

Wednesday 02 December 1908

Newton,

I’m writing this because I’m in love with you. I fell in love with your unfailing kindness. You were so kind to me and (Y/N). You were kind to the creatures you loved so much and I have a feeling that you’ll continue to hold this kindness. For your mind, as brilliant as it is, cannot comprehend extreme levels of cruelty or evil. You don’t have a wicked bone in your body, and I think that's something that we can all aspire to have.

Where kindness exists, generosity usually follows. My love, you have proven this quality in multitudes, as you are generous with your time and energy in taking care of us and your beloved creatures. Adding to that, your kindness and generosity lead to loyalty. Whether you are aware of it or not, you’re incredibly loyal to those you hold close- and I can’t help but be drawn to that.

Now, the other students would call you "weird". You are NOT weird- far from it. You love what you love, and you’re not going to apologize to anyone for it. With a mad twinkle in your eye, you lead us into a world of magical creatures with a sly smile.

Simply put, you’re a Hufflepuff through and through. You are hard-working, kind, generous, and selfless — with a touch of madness, and extreme loyalty all included. And for that, I love you. I just wish I could tell you, but (Y/N) loves you too.

And her happiness comes before mine.

- Victoria

She sighed and put Newt’s letter back into the envelope. Victoria picked up and opened the next letter.

(Y/N).

Wednesday 16 November 1910

(Y/N),

The most kindhearted Ravenclaw I’ve ever met. I think you deserve the world, yet somehow I don’t think you always see that. But I want you to know, I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve you.

You taught me what a soulmate really is, and I wouldn’t be able to survive without having you in my life. You come into people’s lives with a purpose and you change them. You make every single person around you better, without even realizing it.

You light up every room and lift every single person around you. You get to know the ones you hold close down to their very core, even when they’re hard to get to know. I would know- I was really closed off when we first met.

I could use up so many pieces of parchment, declaring my love for you but you don’t need that from me. You’re so in love with Newt. I can see it in your eyes. When we have Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw joint classes, you’re running over to his side. When we enter the Great Hall, you’re looking for him.

It hurts my heart to see you cry or be sad over Newt. Half of me tells you, “Everything will be okay. Just tell him when you’re ready”. What the other half of me really wants to say is “If he can’t see your worth now, then he doesn’t deserve it ever.” But you love Newt with all your heart and I wouldn’t dare get in the way of your happiness.

I love you, (Y/N). And I think I always will.

-Vi

Victoria hadn’t realized the tears forming in her eyes until a tear dropped onto the letter. She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her free hand. “Okay (Y/N), I’ve taken my break. I’m coming back to the Ministry… to get you back.”

•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•

A year was long enough. It was long enough to heal- to move on.

She returned to the Ministry. Walking into the main hall, she made her way to the Minister of Magic’s office.

“Miss Howard, are you sure you want to return? I am aware of your loss and if you don’t want to continue working for us, then I completely understand.” The Minister of Magic, Hector Fawley, asked.

Victoria nodded, “Yes, sir. I’m sure.”

“Alright then. You came in at the right time. I believe Travers and Scamander are with the others. Follow me.” Fawley informed, standing from his desk.

She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, despite her hair still being short. It was a force of habit she wasn’t able to break due to her anxiety. “Of course.”

Fawley guided her to the meeting room she knew all too well. She could hear Theseus’ voice through the door. Fawley gave no warning before he entered the room. “Travers, Mr. Scamander, I apologize for the interruption, but I do have an announcement to make. An Auror is coming out of… “retirement” to join your ranks.”

Victoria could hear his introduction spiel and picked at her cuticles. Her foot tapped impatiently. Fawley didn’t have to publicly announce her return. A nice private meeting would’ve been nice.

“Well, where is he?” Travers’ voice echoed.

Victoria stared at the door and gulped. Was she ready to face them again? Was she ready to face him?

“How bold of you to assume it’s a man joining you today,” Fawley replied. “Come on, Howard. Don’t keep your fellow Aurors waiting.”

Theseus’ head snapped up, looking at the doors. ‘Howard?’

She let out a shaky sigh before entering the meeting room. Eyes immediately darted to her. Her eyes met Theseus’ for just a moment before she focused on the bookshelf behind him.

Travers scoffed. “You can obviously tell that this Auror is a male.”

Victoria cringed. She felt her hands curl up into fists. Her knuckles turned white and small crescent moons were starting to form on her palm. It took everything in her power to not punch her superior. She exhaled deeply, unclenching her fists.

Theseus looked at the Auror that made their way into the meeting room. He looked down at their hands- Victoria now picking at her cuticles again. “Victoria?” Theseus asked to confirm his theory.

She looked back at him and nodded. “Hello.”

~*~*~

After a long day filled with meetings and settling back in, Victoria was exhausted and couldn’t wait to go back home. Once she organized the last file a soft knock was at her door.

“Come in!” She said, a small yawn following it.

“Victoria. Ah- hello again.” Theseus greeted as he entered her office. “Hope you’re settling in nicely.”

“You know, Scamander, you don’t have to tread lightly around me. I did my time. I asked for space and all of you respected that.” Victoria said, putting on her blazer as she walked to the entrance to her office.

Theseus cleared his throat. “T-That’s good. You heading home?”

Victoria nodded, “Of course! I can’t sleep in my office… unlike some people.” She teased.

“May I walk you home?”

Victoria looked at her watch. “Hmm… Since you’re offering. Sure.”

The walk consisted of them catching up. He asked about her new hairstyle and what she’d been doing for the past year.

“I like it. It’s cute. Now you can’t hide your face behind your hair whenever I make fun of you.” He said, ruffling her hair.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll mess up my hair no matter the length.” Victoria laughed, lightly whacking his hand away.

When they arrived at her place, Theseus looked around. Despite (Y/N) not living here, it seemed that she still did.

“Make yourself at home. I’m just going to change out.” She said, pointing to the couch before walking to her room.

Theseus walked to the couch and sat down. He looked around to see the photos of her and (Y/N) ranging from their Hogwarts years to the present.

He then looked at the box that sat in front of her. That box held three letters. He knew it would be rude to read them, but something was just calling out to him. So he slowly opened the box and took out the letters.

At first, he smiled when he saw that the letters were for Newt, him, and (Y/N). Then when he read Newt’s letter, something changed. He was confused. ‘Since when did she love Newt? Wait, she loved (Y/N)?’

Theseus was anxious to read his letter but proceeded anyway. As he read his letter, his heart was filled with mixed emotions.

He read aloud the last paragraph, “And all those times you made me smile and laugh, I fell in love with you. I hoped and prayed to whatever celestial being that could hear me. I wanted you to love me too, but you were already in love with (Y/N). No matter how many times you denied it, I saw it in your eyes. You have the same tells as your brother. I know because I loved him too at one point, so I noticed things. I’ve said it many times over the years and I’ll say it again, her happiness and well-being will always come before mine.”

“I loved you, Theseus Scamander,” Theseus whispered as if to keep that to himself.

Victoria gasped from behind him. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

He scoffed. “Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with a letter. Newt and (Y/N) got one too? Did they get to read their letter? Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked, standing up and turning to face her with all three letters in his hand.

“No! They didn’t. And you weren’t supposed to read them either. I was planning on not telling any of you” Victoria bit the inside of her cheek.

“Then why did you write them?” He asked, setting the letters back on the table.

“I was afraid of rejection. It was obvious that you and Newt fell in love with (Y/N). So when I wrote the letters, it was me saying “I love them and I’m aware that they won’t love me as I do them”. And in writing those letters, I laid out how I felt and from there I forced myself to move on.” Victoria explained.

Theseus stared in shock.

“Look, I’m not asking you to love me back in any way, shape, or form.” She sighed, picking at her skin.

“Victoria-”

“J-Just go. I know I invited you in here, but you need to go… Please.”

Theseus observed her actions and it didn’t seem like it was going to stop. “Victoria, you’re going to end up hurting yourself!” He said, walking over to her and quickly grabbing her hands.

“Theseus… Please just go. You read the damn letters. You know now.” Victoria cried.

He shook his head. “Not when you’re hurting like this. I’m not going to leave you alone.”

“But what about Leta?”

“We broke it off. We decided that getting together during a time like this would probably do more harm than good.” He said, holding her hands.

“Oh… I’m sorry…” She whispered.

“We can talk about that later. I’m staying to promise you something.”

She raised a brow. “Last time you promised me something, you broke it.”

“Well, I intend on keeping this one.”

“Then out with it, Scamander! I’m not getting any younger.” She joked, sniffling softly.

“I’m going to help you find her. I’m going to stay by your side and support you for as long as you want me to. I want to see a day where you’re not harming yourself due to stress or anxiety.”

“Then stay.”

And he did.

#fbawtft #fbtcog #newt scamander #theseus scamander #theseus scamander x oc #newt scamander x oc #(y/n) x oc #harry potter fanfiction #fantastic beasts fanfiction #Series: ILYMS #tw: self harm

[artellip]

Representation Matters?

I'm kinda tired now, but hear me out.

Growing up, I've always been surrounded by books. Movies. Narratives. Stories. And while they took me to far-off worlds and show me unrealistic but kind of cute relationships between characters, I've known, or felt, that there was always something missing even though I didn't know what it was. I had only realized it when I watched a sports anime back in high school and started wondering about how intricate and deep these two characters' relationship were and imagined what if there was something more? Of course this started the shipping phase, seeing the potential of relationships going a level deeper, more complicated. At first platonically, and then romantically. Because both were delicate and very much valid. But this was different, because I was wondering about two boys, rather than a girl and a boy, which I very much grew up with.

And then I started reading fanfiction, ones that had two canonically platonic, even queerplatonic, same sex characters getting together or realizing how much they meant to each other that they couldn't really stay as friends, because they were in love . Those kind. I started reading BL and GL Manga because they had that kind of dynamic I was starting to look for. But almost all of them were romance focused, there was always sex, and had all that love story shenanigans, even the problematic ones. At this point I was getting tired of romance centered plotlines, but I devoured them because I was searching for that one thing I never knew I needed: queer stories. Why?

At first, I thought it was because by then I had already talked to queer people, heard their stories; their struggles. By the time I entered college, I started fighting for them, with them. I wanted queer stories for the LGBTQ+ community because they deserved to be represented and heard. It was my only reason for some time, until it just wasn't.

I searched for queer stories because I was in the closet.

I was in the midst of an identity crisis, and I guess, subconsciously, I was looking for comfort, perhaps solace, a pat on the back, some words of encouragement.. not just for them, but for me.

But I realized there was not much to see especially in TV series and books. I realized I'd have to spend my time searching for queer stories that weren't so sexualized, mocked or even made fun of. And in the midst of all that, I realized those stories weren't so much told because they were considered taboo and abnormal in the real world. And it hurt. It hurt because I realized I was queer, and our existence didn't matter so much that it wouldn't warrant any good representation, and even if there were, there were only scraps of it, buried deep into ink blotted papers of forgotten books or even passing dialogues in television series and movies. And there were so little I was even already happy with mere passing comments of actors and directors and authors confirming queer coded characters and plot lines.

And then, I came to know queerbaiting. It was different from shipping characters together, at least for me. It gave me false hopes, and then it made me feel bad about it because I tried to see past the platonic due to the subtext. Don't get me wrong. I love platonic and queerplatonic relationships, even moreso between a girl and a boy (more on that matter some time) but I always feel robbed despite it because I've always been surrounded by that kind of relationship especially between two girls or two boys. Merlin and Arthur? John and Sherlock? Spock and Kirk? Hell, animes are full of them. Naruto and Sasuke, most sports anime (really, all those tension? You expect me not to ship them as more than friends?). They were lovely platonic and queerplatonic ships that I cared so much about. But was it too much to ask for some romantic queer relationships that were built on trust and friendship? I guess it was.

(I'd always wanted to point out that romantic ships between two men or women don't invalidate platonic and even queerplatonic ships, especially canon ones, and hoping a romantic one over a platonic one doesn't necessarily mean one is inferior over the other, and I know that it applies vice versa as well.)

Then Yuri On Ice came, and I thought it was just another queerbaited sports anime, but it proved me wrong. I remember crying in the bathroom after one scene that confirmed queerness and a queer romantic relationship which wasn't even sexualized or mocked. It felt like as if my heart would burst because after all those years, i felt so validated. I felt so alive. I realized how ashamed I was for who I am, and someone, something, telling me in the most profound way that I existed, that I mattered enough to be represented, that I matter , was a defining moment of my growth: I am queer and I am here.

Books with queer characters made its way to my local bookstore (Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the Proxy series, The Red Queen Series, The Song of Achilles, there were so many I was moved when I saw them in the stands, not hidden, but there for the world to see). It became clear to me just how much I was deprived. More and more TV series came forward with their own queer characters and stories . Person of Interest's, Root and Shaw was one of my favorites. Connor and Oliver from How to Get Away with Murder, Grey's Anatomy handling of queer characters, Korra and Asami from Legend of Korra, even Steven Universe and games like Stardew Valley where we can make our own narrative. I even watch Thai BL now. There were so much content now that my younger self would have loved and accepted, and I know, from my soul, they would have felt like they belonged.

For the first time in a long time, I am a bit hopeful, even just a little bit.

There's still prejudice, homophobia and fear lurking in the storytelling industry - whether that be books, games, movies, comics, or series. I doubt that would even go away. Hell, I still see some people invalidate romantic ships when it's canonically platonic. I still see queerbaiting. I still feel hopeless in terms of representation. Sometimes I still even invalidate myself. It's hard, to be frank. It's a heavy thing to carry. Wanting to feel alive, wanting to be reminded that I am valid despite my own queerness and in spite of it, wanting for at least a little comfort, for a little representation.

I'm into Supernatural now. And while the meta writers have spent years trying to predict or at least understand the text and subtext between Cas and Dean, and then seeing that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance it might be different this time, that perhaps they can be endgame after all, I'm 99% sure that probably won't happen. Perhaps platonically it will soar, and it will be added to the long list of deep platonic relationships with genius subtext. And while I'll be glad with it, I'll even probably devour it, I know a part of me will be disappointed, a sinking feeling rising in my gut as my lips move and Ill say, "Oh. It was an almost".

I'm used to being deprived, and the worst part of it? It isn't fine, but I have to suck up and be okay with it.

But perhaps, one day I'll stop apologizing for wanting a bit more good representation and respect.

Perhaps one day I'll stop apologizing for who I am.

And maybe, just maybe, one day, we wouldn't have to debate whether we should exist or not

- in creative spaces, narratives and other alternate worlds that stemmed from our ability to recreate stories and mirror human life.

Maybe one day we'll even be able to exist without question.

Maybe one day.

#yoi fandom #fandom #destiel #Spn #Queer #queer books #queerplatonic #person of interest #sports anime #yuri on ice #Proxy #i am queer #platonic #romantic #relationship #pop culture #books #movies #supernatural #ship #shipping #Characters #representation #all my fandoms #fanfiction #deancas #Anime #subtext #i'm so tired #steven universe

[missjanjie]

branjie filming their own sex tape or watching their own sex tape

if yall werent horrified by my attempts at spanish, brace yourselves for me writing with a language i know three (3) words in!

-

Brooke Lynn didn’t even realize what was happening the firsttime. It was on tour, everyone in a communal dressing room. All he had done wasabsentmindedly start singing a French children’s song to himself while he didhis eye makeup. “Au clair de la lune, mon ami Pierrot, prête-moi ta plume,pour écrire un mot. Ma chandelle est morte, je n'ai plus de feu. Ouvre-moi taporte, pour l'amour de Dieu…” his voice trailed off and reduced to humming.

Vanessa hadn’t realized he had stopped doing his makeup tohang on to Brooke’s words until they stopped flowing, swallowing thickly andfacing forward. He groaned inwardly, seeing the blush that hit his cheeks inhis reflection in the mirror.

Brooke had caught sight of Vanessa out of the corner of hiseye and turned to face him. “Something up, Vanjie?” he asked with casualconcern.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m cool…just checking to see if my brows arecrooked,” he explained. To further prove this, he stared at his reflection withgreat focus and intent, leaning closer as if to fully examine if his brows werelining up properly.

While believable in theory, Brooke wasn’t totally sold. “Ifyou say so,” he eyed Vanessa suspiciously, “Your brows are fine, by the way,”he added before finishing up his own look.

Even Vanessa had to ask himself – what the fuck was that? Ithad been a long, long time since Brooke Lynn had left him so tongue-tied andred-faced, how could he not be embarrassed by that? If nothing else, hewas able to get through the rest of his makeup routine and the show thatfollowed without further incident.

Then they boarded the bus back to the hotel. And it happenedagain. Brooke and Vanessa were sitting together – more out of habit thananything else. Also, out of an even more subconscious habit, Brooke begansinging that damn nursery rhyme again.

Vanessa pressed his lips together into a fine line beforeexhaling deeply. “What are you even saying?” he barely scraped by with anonchalant tone in his voice.

“Hm? Oh, it’s just a cute, little kid’s song,” Brookeanswered. “My nana would sing it to me all the time. She thought it was superimportant that I be exposed to French as early as possible…c’est bien que deparler de merde en public,” he mused with a laugh.

Vanessa, as confused and aroused as ever, just blinked andsmiled. He was quiet for a moment before asking, “Do you wanna go back to myroom tonight?” seemingly out of nowhere.

It didn’t take a master of subtext to realize that Vanessawasn’t asking for a cuddle buddy, so, Brooke certainly wasn’t confused by hisintention, as out of place as it may be. A smirk made its way onto his lips ashe replied, “You know I can never say no to you,” with a wink as he leaned downto place a chaste kiss on his lips.

Almost immediately upon their return, Brooke Lynn andVanessa were all over each other. “How do you say, ‘I want you’ in French?”Vanessa asked breathlessly against Brooke’s lips.

“Je te veux,” Brooke answered in as soft and sensual of atone as he could muster. “You want me to start talking dirty to you like that,baby?”

Vanessa nodded with almost too much enthusiasm. “I got anidea, spice it up a little extra,” he smirked mischievously as he got up,letting Brooke grab a condom and lube in the meantime. “Whatcha think, boo?” heasked, gesturing to the makeshift camera stand that he’d propped his phone upon. “This way we got a lil somethin’ for when we’re apart,” he explained.

Brooke had already started jerking off before Vanessastarted speaking. “I love it,” he stopped to say, smiling broadly. “Now comehere,” he beckoned him over with a finger. “Je veux te faire du mal,” hepurred, getting tackled by Vanessa in response.

When Vanessa was feeling particularly amorous like he wastonight, there was simply no time for teasing and being coy. No, he knewexactly what he wanted, and he wanted it now. This led to sloppy,haphazard prepping, but still enough to get the job done.

And Brooke had no qualms about indulging him – before long,he had Vanessa’s knees pushed up to his chest and his cock buried deep in hisass. “Tu te sens si belle et serré, bébé,” he growled softly as he builtup a firm thrusting speed.

Even though Vanessa still had no idea what Brooke wassaying, he loved it, and he was sure to put on a good show of it for thecamera. He made sure he was moaning loudly and languidly, making sure Brookeknew how good he felt, how much more he wanted, even shifting their position atone point so they could record a better angle.

By the time Brooke had gotten himself and Vanessa off, theyhad their own equivalent of an actual porno, and they were pretty proud ofthemselves. He threw out the condom and stopped recording. “I’m gonna send itto myself,” he said, messing with Vanessa’s phone until they both had their newmovie. “Can’t wait to watch it.”

“Me neither,” Vanessa hummed as they curled up in bed. “Nowwe got something to remind ourselves what we can come back to.”

#branjie #branjie fic #out of drag #s11t #smut

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

The Problem with the Avengers

 I’ve been reading a lot of Avengers comics recently scattered throughout their history and whilst they often have enough superhero action to kill some time, rarely have I ever found myself that engaged by the stories. In truth I’ve felt that way about virtually every Avengers story I’ve ever read.

In contrast whenever my reading lists took me to a random X-Men or Fantastic Four comic book I found they made for simply better reading.

This got me thinking about how traditionally and even now with the enhanced status the Avengers have in the comic series still seems to generate less enthusiasm than a lot of it’s competition with the really major superhero teams out there.

I think the fundamental problem is that, unlike those other teams, the Avengers is sorely lacking in identity.

I define the major Marvel/DC superhero teams as the ones that have been around near consistently for at least 30ish years and have have bled into multiple forms of other mass media.

So we’re talking the Fantastic 4, the Justice League (regardless of whether it’s called the Super Friends, the JLA, etc), the X-Men (and it’s associated spin-offs, e.g. X-Force, X-Factor, New Mutants) and the Titans/Teen Titans and the Avengers.

Unlike the Avengers, each of those teams has one or more simple ideas and hooks that have, more often than not, defined them and given them a basic but concrete premise to fall back on that the audience can easily connect to.

The Justice League are the All-stars of the DC universe, the team with the truly iconic characters in it’s line up and/or the guys who are at least mainstays of the DC universe in some fashion and well known to comic book readers. They are also at times allegorical to Greco-Roman Gods, e.g. Superman = Zeus, Batman = Hades, Green Lantern = Apollo, etc.

The X-Men are allegories for persecuted minorities and those who face bigotry in some fashion, as well as at times being allegories for adolescence.

The Fantastic Four are a nuclear family of scientists and explorers.

The Teen Titans are the junior heroes, the next generation, a junior Justice League if you will and more often than not the sidekicks to the older iconic heroes.

The Titans are the above but all grown up, independent, a non-nuclear family and in essence the next generation on the cusp of becoming the what their mentors were.

Now the Avengers at face value also have an easily understood hook too. They’re Earth’s Mightiest Heroes right? They, like the Justice League, are the All-stars of the Marvel universe right? Sometimes they’re talked of as being loosely equivalents to the Knights of the Roundtable.

The problem is that in practice...this is mostly lip-service.

For sure IN-UNIVERSE most people look up to the Avengers or hold them in similar esteem that the DC citizens hold the Justice League.

But as far as the real life audience is concerned for most of the Avengers history they really weren’t the All-stars of the Marvel universe and that comparison to Arthurian legend is really more talked about outside the comics more than it ever was genuine text or subtext in the pages themselves.

Lets put the Avengers into historical context. When the team debuted in 1963, consisting of Thor, Iron Man, Hulk, Ant-Man and the Wasp, all of those characters were less than 2 years old.

And its a matter of historical record that they were neither the highest selling nor the most popular superhero books Marvel was putting out, Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four were.

Furthermore the Hulk’s solo title had earlier that year been cancelled and whilst the other Avengers were continuing to regularly appear every month it was in anthology titles where they were simply the main, but not solo, stars. Those titles weren’t even NAMED after those heroes. You had Tales of Suspense for Iron Man, Journey into Mystery for Thor and Tales to Astonish for Ant-Man and Wasp.

Were these guys REALLY Marvel’s mightiest heroes?*

No they really weren’t.

To be frank it seems more like Stan Lee et al were trying to make bank off of the innate appeal of crossing characters over and doing so by grouping together the less successful and less popular characters.

You could make a similar argument for the Justice League of course, except when they debuted most of their members had been around considerably longer and they had Wonder Woman as a mainstay with Superman and Batman at times dropping in too, their presence only increasing across the decades. Nowdays many fans feel its just not the Justice League without the Trinity of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman.

Back to the Avengers, these characters were the revered all-stars of Marvel in name only, with the Hulk even leaving shortly afterwards, replaced by the probably more famous Captain America...who also didn’t have his own book at the time. Cap actually didn’t regularly appear in any title until around a year after his Avengers debut when he began starring alongside Iron Man.

Cap might’ve been a long established hero but even he wasn’t high profile enough to get his OWN solo-series. In fact when he finally did what really happened was he became the solo star of Tales of Suspense (renamed to Captain America) and IRON MAN got his first true solo-series**

To make the matter clearer when the Avengers went through their first major shakeup (less than TWO YEARS after the series began) the cast consisted of Cap (who was still sharing with Iron Man at this point), Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.

The Avengers had now been reduced to one character who shared a title with another one and three former villains who’d NEVER had solo-stories before, who weren’t even appearing regularly anywhere outside of the Avengers title.

Creatively this wasn’t all that bad. After all one of the pitfalls of team books like Avengers or Justice League is that often the series is constrained by events happening in the characters’ solo books or the other way around. Like the, F4 Cap’s kooky quartet could grow and develop in the Avengers and the only place you could see that potential growth was IN the Avengers comic itself; Johnny and Ben’s bland and bad solo yarns in Strange Tales notwithstanding.

However Cap kooky quartet was yet more evidence of how the ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ was a cool slogan for the team and nothing more. They were a million miles away from being the Marvel All-stars they were treated or promoted as.

They were just ANOTHER Marvel team, more or less a home for miscellaneous Marvel heroes who were:

a)      Relatively Earthbound

b)      Not overly weird like Dr Strange

c)       Flashier than dude’s without costumes like Nick Fury

d)      Not already on teams

e)      Not independently popular/interesting like Spider-Man

 After all there is a reason so much of Iron Man and Cap’s histories are wrapped up with the Avengers titles and why most adaptations of the characters work in wider Marvel Universe elements. Its because those characters supporting casts and rogue galleries were not strong enough on their own to support their solo titles most of the time, so they essentially became Avengers satellite books.

 This miscellaneous aspect to the Avengers though gave rise to another interpretation of the team, that in fact part and parcel of the point of them was that ANY Marvel hero could join their ranks. In essence that the Avengers could be a grand crossroads of the Marvel universe where any and all characters could pop up.

 Its a nice sentiment but holds little water when you consider how the Avengers in-universe were typically treated as the premiere superhero team and how in practice many characters remained consistently out of their ranks. Even if we do swallow this line of thinking that simply means that the Avengers in being a team where anyone can join simply has no identity at all.

 The X-Men during Claremont’s iconic run had a similar sort of idea of constantly changing up the roster except that book had the fundamental mutant metaphor to hold the shifting characters together no matter what.

 When your team identity is that the identity can be anything your team hasn’t GOT an identity.

 And this problem with the Avengers (a lack of identity wrapped around a false claim of being the Marvel All-star line up) went on and on and on for DECADES!

 It got to the point where the X-Men, who in the Silver age FAILED compared to the Avengers, made good on their second chance and gradually grew in popularity until they clearly eclipsed every other Marvel team and by the 1990s eclipsed every other superhero team and book on the stands, exempting at times Spider-Man or Batman. In that decade anything with an X would sell whilst anything with an Avengers A was B-grade at best.

 Whilst the Avengers claimed to be Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and Marvels A-list heroes, Spider-Man and the X-Men actually WERE.

 In 2004 when Bendis created the New Avengers with the explicit intention of re-orientating the team to finally truly be the Marvel A-list squad it had always claimed to be it had 2 big problems.

 The first was that after 40 years and 500 issues the perception of the Avengers within the comic book community had become pretty entrenched. The second was that Bendis only slightly made good on this promise of reinvention.

 By which I mean he added Spider-Man and Wolverine (basically the Superman and Batman of Marvel as far as their popularity went) to the Avengers as mainstays and then kept Iron Man, Cap and added in B-listers Luke Cage and Jessica Drew and not even a B-lister the Sentry.

 To be clear I am not trying to insult Luke or Jessica but most people in 2004 didn’t know who they were and most who did didn’t care about him. they were added to raise their profile which is the exact opposite of what the book was claiming to do.

 Even now with both characters holding more prestige than they did back then, if you were making a truly All-star Marvel superhero team Luke Cage and Jessica Drew probably wouldn’t be on the squad considering neither has a movie.

 Whilst it’s true Bendis made New Avengers an unqualified success if you or I wrote a comic book with the two biggest Marvel characters in it hot on the heels of beloved and acclaimed movie appearances for both (which were sequels no less) of course it will sell like hot cakes.

 But that sales success has absolutely not lasted.

 Because again, the Avengers have no true identity as a superhero team, not even with the raised profile of the more traditional Avengers members afforded by their film appearances. At this point the failure of Iron Man’s popularity in wider pop culture to translate into much of an increase in comic sales is a bad joke. The fact is the comic book reading community still regards Iron Man as of lesser status than someone like Batman or Spider-Man or Wolverine and similarly the Avengers status as a team is still being hurt by the decades during which they were all sizzle and little steak.

 Ironically this effect has been mitigated in adaptations. In cartoons (like Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes) a fresh modern take on the Marvel universe was presented wherein the Avengers characters were among the first  and seemingly only heroes to inhabit that world (as far as the audience initially believed) essentially rendering them Earth’s Mightiest Heroes by default and free of the F4 or Spider-Man as a measuring stick could truly come off as All-stars. It also helped that the team membership was more consistent and a greater focus was placed upon their interpersonal relationships with one another, rendering them either a family or a kind of private little community of superheroes. Plus the show was as much an adaptation of the wider Marvel universe as it was Avengers stories, meaning often they could give focus episodes over to individual members to flesh them out.

 To n extent the same thing happened in the MCU although because the MUC established solo movies for most of the Avengers first it in essence raised the prestige of each character thus justifying their claim to the film Avengers being all-star players. Plus there was a certain glamour and energy afforded the first film from being a never before done experiment in crossing over so many properties, this then fuelling consequent movies like Infinity War.

 What’s ironic about all this is that the false interpretation of the Avengers being the Knights of the Roundtable is actually a way more fertile concept to build the Avengers team identity around and a more compelling hook to sell to the wider audience.

 You could retain the idea that, in-universe, they are the Marvel All-star line up, but in the true substance of the series loosely build the stories and characters more around moderinzed takes upon Arthurian legend and ideals of heroism. Much as the Justice League have at times served as loose allegories for the Greco-Roman Pantheon.

If you look at the original team of Avengers, plus Captain America and Hawkeye, they already fit into loose concepts of Medieval era knights anyway.

Cap is a soldier, in other words a modern day knight, who is the absolute ideal warrior (Lancelot) complete with a form of chainmail armour and a weapon distinctly from Ye Olden Days.

Iron Man has frequently been referred to as a modern day knight in shining armour because he literally wears armour.

Thor is a Viking whom, I’m not sure were exactly around during when Arthurian legend is supposed to happen but like...close enough.

Hulk is perhaps equivalent to a troll, a creature from Medieval fairy tales.

Hawkeye is of course an archer and a clear Robin Hood allegory (Robin Hood is also Medieval).

And you could say Ant-Man and Wasp are akin to pixies. And even if you think not Hank when Giant Man is obviously a fairy tale giant.

I’m not saying every character needs to be as exact as those, but it’s just something for the team to concretely hang their hat on rather than continuing to insist they are the best Marvel characters all in one team when they usually don’t even have Marvel’s most popular character with them!

#Avengers #the avengers #mcu #marvel #marvel comics #marvel cinematic universe #new teen titans #Teen Titans #titans #Jla #justice league #justice league of america #X-Men #fantastic four #fantastic 4 #Captain America #Hulk #Iron Man #Spider-Man #Thor #wasp #ant-man #scarlet witch #hawkeye #quicksilver

[piedpiperenthusiast]

Review of the Love Yourself Series

Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions and you’re allowed to disagree with them. I base my opinions off of my own personal taste and my experience with all of BTS’ discography. I don’t claim to be an expert in music, but I do love music and BTS is the first group whose music I really truly grew to love in a long time. A lot of these were my opinions before I saw them live on tour, and my feelings towards some of the songs have definitely changed, so I made a second part with my review of the concert set list.

I understand that a group’s sound can change over time and I encourage and appreciate growth and experimentation from artists, and there are particular songs in the LY Series that I think BTS did extremely well considering it was their first time trying some of these genres.

LY: Her 

Her has a really solid set for a mini-album. MIC Drop Remix was the first BTS song I ever heard and it was completely different from anything I’d ever heard and enough to draw my interest.

I know some people gripe about DNA, and while I will admit it’s more “pop” than I’d expect from BTS, it’s still a really, really good pop song. Same thing for Best of Me, they took a beat that was pretty common in my opinion and made an awesome song.

Dimple is actually one of my favorites from Her, it was the first BTS song (aside from MIC Drop) to get stuck in my head, and I was glad to see it have a place on Answer. I always enjoy vocal-line songs, and this is no exception.

I personally think Pied Piper is a masterpiece and it’s one of my all-time favorite songs (hence the blog title). I love when BTS does more experimental, funky sounds, and I think Pied Piper was done so, so well. There’s also a lot of subtext in this song, and when you consider the elements used in the song coupled with the lyrics, I think it brings across the meaning of the song really well. It’s a bit of a sinister song (“I’m taking over”) disguised by how upbeat it is, and of course, the choreo (body rolls, anyone?).

Sea is the only hidden track in the series and it’s a hidden gem. Sound aside (and it’s a beautiful song), I think the lyrics are very important and we should pay attention to it’s meaning. Sea is an example of what I think BTS does best – a song with deep, melancholy lyrics that is still really nice in sound and catchy.

BTS’ hype songs are always fun and I really like Go Go, even the choreo is one of my favorites, and it is another example of a type of song that BTS consistently does really well.

Finally, Outro: Her. It’s very different from what we’ve heard from rap-line before, but their experimentation paid off and it’s a really good song. It’s a huge contrast from the Cyphers, but it’s still just as good in quality even if it’s not as hype. I’m particularly fond of the beat and I really like how it has a 90s hip-hop feel.

(I’m saving Serendipity for Answer btw so I can talk about the full length version.)

LY: Tear

Singularity I felt was a great intro for Tear and is just a really awesome song for Taehyung. It’s actually my favorite of his performances thus far and he was really able to show off his strengths as a vocalist. I really like the contrast between the sexy sound of the song and the sad lyrics. The MV is prob my favorite of all the “intros,” the production and aesthetics were so good, and Tae did so well with the acting and choreography.

FAKE LOVE is actually really good. I overplayed it a bit when Tear came out (streaming will do that to a person) but after a while I grew to love it, and I think it’s a really great song, perfect for a title track. It’s different from anything they’ve done before, and the sound is very unique. I particularly like the lyrics a lot (and believe that it’s a not-so subtle message to fans). I’m a huge fan of Jimin’s performance in this song in particular, and my only complaint is that I would have liked to hear a bit more desperation from Jungkook and Tae in their vocals during the chorus (hehe).

The Truth Untold… The first BTS song that has ever made me cry, and on the first listen too. Jin is always really good at conveying emotion in his singing and it was when he came in that the first tear fell. I was also really impressed with Jungkook’s performance as well. Jimin and Tae also did really well, it’s an all-around solid song and one of the best on Tear. The lyrics are seriously so sad and beautiful, but you don’t even need to know what they are saying to get the feeling of the song. 

134340. I cannot put into words how much I love this song, it actually competes with Pied Piper for my favorite BTS song. It’s sooo different but sooo good. Everyone did amazing, I love the rap verses and the vocals. Just a really amazing song, it doesn’t sound like typical BTS, but again, that’s not a problem since the song is just that amazing. It’s probably the most experimental song in the series and it paid off so well, and this is example of a strength for BTS, that they are able to try out different genres and still pull it off near flawlessly. This is also an example of the quality of music I expect from BTS.

Paradise is the silent killer of Tear and of the series in general. On first listen it’s okay, but the more time you spend with it, the more you appreciate it. I think the rap verses and Jimin really make the song (my ears are Jimin-biased, what can I say?). Definitely one of the most underrated song on Tear.

Love Maze is good, another song that Jimin really stands out in. I actually like Love Maze more than Airplane Pt. 2 and would have preferred to see this in the promotions for Tear instead. Which brings me to…

Airplane Pt. 2. I like that they wanted to build off of J-Hope’s Airplane, a song that I really, really like, but I think it fell short of the original. At first it’s really catchy and they still did a good job with it, going for a more latin feel, but it became kinda old really quick for me and I still prefer original Airplane over it. It is a song that I thought had potential for Western GP, but it wasn’t really promoted over here…

Magic Shop is a nice song, very Jungkook, and that made me want to love it more than I actually do. It’s still nice to listen to but the production isn’t my favorite. Compared to Love is Not Over, the last song JK did production on, I feel like I’m left wanting with Magic Shop. I do love the lines “You show me the best of me, so you’ll show you the best of you” and it’s very cute as a fan song.

Anpanman is another great hype song, loved it almost immediately and it’s super catchy. When I played it for non-BTS fans it was the song they liked the best, and again, it’s something BTS does really well.

So What kind of feels like the obligatory EDM song on the album lol. I see its appeal more for the concerts than as a contribution to the album, it kinda sticks out too much. I’m very fond of the bridge and the end though, and Jimin’s vocals make the song for me.

And finally Outro: Tear. It’s probably the best song on Tear the album, maybe even the series as a whole. Rap line did phenomenal. The intro sampling the highlight reel contrasts the rest of the song in the best way. Each member’s verses are just really, really good. Yoongi tried something different with the vocals and he did it really well, and the other two had really solid delivery. Another song I couldn’t wait to see live.

LY: Answer

I had somewhat unfavorable opinions on Answer. I didn’t want Answer to be a repackage; I would have preferred another mini-album, but I was pleasantly surprised by the way the songs were set up on disc A and how there are clear divisions between each part of the series. I didn’t expect so much vocal line and rap line division, but it all still works really well.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I actually like when each member gets to do solo stuff, it’s such a better way to gauge their individual talents and skills, and you can appreciate them all the more, so I was really happy to see that rap line got to do solos even if I didn’t expect it. And the collection of vocal line “intros” is also really good.

Euphoria took me some getting used to, I actually didn’t listen to any of the “bootleg” versions made after the Wonder video came out, but I was happy to find that I liked the official version a lot, particularly the bridge. Jungkook did really well with this song, and I think it had everything that Begin lacked.

Trivia: Just Dance is immediately catchy and soooo Hobi, it’s really, really good and he did a great job. He really captured his love of dance in the song and I’m happy he got to do a song like this.

Serendipity… I can go on and on about Serendipity. When I started introducing myself to BTS I started with Her and moved backwards with the discography, and I thought the intro version was so beautiful (albeit a little too short). It was the first BTS song I truly loved, and at that point in time I didn’t realize it was only sung by Jimin, nor did I know any of the members’ names. It’s a song that reminds me of what falling in love with BTS felt like, but aside from my personal attachment to it, Serendipity is just a really pretty song. Jimin is perfect for it, his soft and sweet voice really complements the message, and I felt like he really captured the feeling of what it’s like to be in love, to be happy in love. I was really hoping they would release a full version of Serendipity and I was thrilled when it was announced on the track list, and the added bridge is so beautiful. It’s a huge contrast to Lie, but I like it almost as much as I love Lie, because what really sells me is the emotion Jimin puts into his singing.

Trivia: Love is different from what I expected from Namjoon but it’s done so well and it’s also really catchy. The lyrics are genius of course, as I expected from him. I’m very pleased with this song and couldn’t wait to sing along to it at the concert.

Trivia: Seesaw gets my vote for best song on Answer. Again, it’s something very different from what I expected from Yoongi, but the production quality is so, so good. We get to hear his vocals and the song is refreshing. It’s kind of chill, but you still get this sense of regret and acceptance. It’s almost like an “answer” to Tear. He got the emotions so right, this song is just beautiful, and he continued with the surprises by including a choreo in the performance, so hats off to you, Yoongi.

I was really, really, really excited for Epiphany. I’m a huge fan of Jin’s vocals, to me he is the best at conveying emotion through his singing and I live for his song covers and Awake, so I was really looking forward to his solo, and I was not at all disappointed. Epiphany is a perfect song for Jin, and I was so pleased to hear that he had a hand in its creation. Like The Truth Untold, you don’t need to understand the lyrics to get the feeling of the song.

I can’t rank any of the solos in terms of favorites, because each solo is so essentially the member that performed it, it would be like ranking the members and I refuse to do that, but I do think that the Trivias stand out the most in terms of production quality.

In general, I think BTS’ rap-line is very special and they have real gems with each of the three rappers. I know rap line is already involved in all their music, but I’d actually like to see more involvement in the future. Yoongi once mentioned how he would like to do a whole album with just the seven of them, and I do believe they could make a really, really good album. I was impressed with all of the rap line solos but I can’t say that I was surprised, as I’ve come to expect high quality music from them, and they did not disappoint at all.

As for the group songs, IDOL is actually my favorite of the Answer group songs. I know the boys said it was something different for them, but all I heard was BTS. It’s like their hype songs and is like essential BTS, it played upon their strengths and I was happy to see more rap line parts in a title track. If I had to compare FAKE LOVE and IDOL, I’d say that FL is more vocal-heavy and is a great song for the vocalists to shine, but IDOL was a bit more equal (save for Jin’s parts…). It’s probably one of my favorite title tracks, it’s my favorite MV second to Blood Sweat & Tears, I love the energy and the camp, and the lyrics are so clever. IDOL has everything that I love about BTS and I love that they respectfully borrowed from other cultures and still made the song their own. I also think it had Western GP appeal, but alas...

I will  admit though, I was disappointed with the other group songs on Answer. It’s not that the songs were bad, they are catchy enough and are nice to listen to, but I wasn’t really impressed, not the way I was when I first started listening to all of BTS’ pre-Tear discography.

I’m Fine... For a song that (I assume) was supposed to serve as counterpart to Save Me, I was pretty disappointed. Save Me is one of my favorite songs by BTS, I really like the contrast between the upbeat tempo and the melancholy lyrics, and I don’t mind the EDM elements when it’s mixed with the boys’ voices. The vocals and the rap verses stand out a lot to me in Save Me, but not so much in I’m Fine. I do like the pre-chorus and the bridge, Jimin’s parts are my favorite parts of the song (surprise!), but I would have liked more from rap line. Namjoon did mention they struggled to write for this song and I can see why. I do appreciate that the lyrics mirror Save Me’s lyrics, but I personally think they could have done better. I will say that opinion could be skewed since I was betting so much on it being like Save Me, and after listening to it on repeat I do like it, it’s pretty, the choreo is interesting, but it’s not my favorite.

Answer: Love Myself sounds like an end credits song (lol), but I don’t mind that so much because it’s the song that ends the series. But it does seem a little anticlimactic for the final song of the series. The way the series had been going, with Her and Tear ending each album respectively, I knew that Answer was going to be the last song and that it would have all the boys, but I would have liked it to match Her and Tear a bit more, and it seems out of place with the other two. That being said, I do like the lyrics. “You show me I have reasons I should love myself” almost made me cry when I heard the song for the first time, and I think it’s a really great song to end their concerts with. I would have liked something a little more iconic, something more like Spring Day, and it’s missing BTS’ edge, what sets them apart from others, but it still does the job.

All in all, the Love Yourself series was quite an accomplishment for BTS, not just with the music they created but also with the sales and awards they won for it. The theme of “love yourself” is a very beautiful and important message, and their exploration of the concept through the series was very enjoyable. Her was a fabulous introduction to BTS’ discography for me (and I’m sure many other people) and Tear and the new songs from Answer were good enough to keep me sold on BTS. I am truly excited to see what the future holds for them music-wise, and I have a lot of faith that whatever they do will be brilliant. 

[I’ll link to the second part, my review of the concert, here and at the beginning of the post.]

#bts #bts love yourself #music review #love yourself her #love yourself tear #love yourself answer #kim namjoon #min yoongi #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #rm #suga #j-hope #jin #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts v

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Homecoming

Masterpost

6x02: Homecoming

I really need to knock the rest of these out -- hopefully soon I will! But man, there’s a lot more in season 6 than you might realize.  A lot of these episodes are pretty packed.  

At the beginning of the episode, we get a lot more Blaine-meta-ish things, and the one thing I’d like to pull from it is that Blaine’s getting therapy.  Yup, that’s right, both these boys are getting their heads checked by a professional - and that’s a good thing! Look, I don’t think Kurt and Blaine are going to live a 100% perfect and happy life-  no couple can accomplish that, but the fact that they’re both trying to better themselves is a huge thing, and recognizing that is a step forward in becoming adults (I mean, not even adults make the best choices to better their mental health).  So yeah, they might not patch up things perfectly, but I think there’s a lot of subtext (cause Glee’s always been subtext) that shows they’re both in better places by the time season 6 starts. 

The New Monday Night Dinner

So, because Will is a character again (ug) we start having Monday night dinners at his place (ug, ug).  Okay, it’s not really that - but he’s supposedly having all the show choir directors over for a friendly chat? How convenient that they’re all former students.  And why is Sam there? You know what - I’m not gonna think too hard about this. 

The main thing is that Rachel and Kurt are already having issues being co-directors because it’s Rachel and Kurt. 

And then Blaine arrives and Kurt feels super awkward about it.  I mean how do you act when you’ve dumped the person you love the most in the world and now have to be in a semi-casual social situation with them with your former teacher, former roommate whom your ex once made out with and who will some day carry your child, and former dude whom you both had a crush on.  This show is weird guys.  

Anyway, Kurt’s actually happy to see Blaine - even if Blaine is totally ignoring Kurt’s there.  And then Will turns the conversation to ‘everyone be nice to each other’, which lasts about five seconds when they try to give Blaine some advice about a girl being in the Warblers and Blaine is unsure about it.  It’s awkward.  But hanging out with your ex whom you aren’t actually speaking to at this moment is always gonna be awkward.  

Getting the Gang Back Together

Um, what even is this outfit trying to say, Kurt?  Are you the colorful walking dead? 

Anyway - Rachel and Kurt start their tenure as semi-teachers by organizing sheet music.  And let’s just say it -- they both have the most absurd way of doing it.  Just -- no, genre than artist, that’s it you weirdos.  But of course, Kurt would do it by emotion.  

You know what - say what you will about Kurt and Blaine’s communication -- Rachel and Kurt have by far less communication going on.  They’ve worked for two hours at ‘organization’ before they realized they were doing two different things.  Oh Hummelberry.  

Anyway, we get another argument from them - cause that’s what they do best.  And Kurt basically says what should have been said hours ago - that this is pointless without members.  However, if he’s doing his work study here (don’t ask me to define what exactly his work study is - I don’t get it either), shouldn’t he be proactive, too, in getting kids to sign up?  And what’s with the defeatist attitude Kurt? Kid’s still got issues relating to his break-up.  

(It’s also times like these that I do wish we had gotten a final career related story for Kurt, but alas, all the things we never had). 

Anyway, Kurt storms out as he usually does when having a fight and made his point.  

So - after a scene of Rachel following a disembodied voice to the men’s locker room -- we get Kurt meeting her in the auditorium and, sigh, apologizing for hurting her feelings.  Again.  Cause he’s never done that before.  

I think I’m tired of Hummelberry, guys.  

Anyway - weirdly, he apologizes for the things he said in the previous scene about her life.  Which, um, is weird - cause he didn’t actually take any personal shots at her -- which means they edited out some extra dialogue.  Man, I wish they had left that in - but can’t be too mean to Rachel.  

Anyway - Rachel says, yeah, they have to be proactive in getting people to join us - so she’s pulled in some favors.  Idk why Kurt is so -- who did you bring in Rachel?!?  He could have easily figured it out.  

Well everyone is all the former cast members who are still living and aren’t really part of the main cast anymore.  It’s Homecoming - so it seems fitting.  Though, I have to say.  Everyone looks like they’ve aged about ten years -- which isn’t a bad thing, it just means this little coda of a season would have felt better placed much further in the future.  

Anyway - Kurt’s surprised and happy to see all his old friends.  I have to say though - I miss that Blaine isn’t there.  I know he can’t because plot and the fact they’re trying to reset back to season 2 but still. 

Anyway - who cares if any of this makes sense, we have the gang back together again. 

Go they gather everyone in the choir room and explain that they need help getting the kids to join.  And Kurt’s super frigidity.  Huh.  I think there’s some room to explore Kurt as someone who is an anxious kid with minor OCD tendencies.  Cause that feels very apparent here.  

It’s funny that they rattle on about how much they need their friends to band together and save glee club because the school needs it -- when really, both Rachel and Kurt need it.  I mean, that is kind of the point of this season, but...  it’s just interesting to think about.  I mean, it’ll come full circle when Kurt talks about choosing another path to take at the end of the season.  They both hit rock bottom and now they’re looking for something to fill the space that will help them get back on the right track.  And their cause is saving the glee club.  

Hm.  It’s just interesting that this season of Glee is kind of one last stop in Lima before going out in to the world to really be the person you’re supposed to be.  I’m sorry the story wasn’t developed a tad more (except in the case of Rachel) but that’s what it is.  It’s almost fitting, then that I’m wrapping these up with the same kind of mentality.  It’s nice to have that one last thought and move on.  Anyway -- I’m getting meta on myself, lol... 

So - their brilliant plan is to sing in the school - cause that’s always worked in the past, lol.  And they do an 80s classic - because it’s Glee and the last season and Ryan Murphy has to get in all those hits that he didn’t use yet. 

But I think what stands out to me about this performance is that it’s less about the lyrics (which I don’t think make much sense anyway) and more about the visual style.  They’re recreating the music video, yes, but also adding the same elements of style used in the video -- the whole running from the police (Sue) thing, and it’s really pretty cool.  

You can’t get a really good luck at Kurt’s 80s outfit - but here it is, and this goober is just having a lot of fun dancing on the tables and singing in his high register.  It’s nice that they’ve now fully incorporated Chris’s voice into the group numbers -- especially when he’s not going to be singing much on his own.  

Gay Legacy

So, I guess later that day, Kurt goes to try to recruit the gay football player.  Cause, damn, if Ryan Murphy still is clinging on to his closested football player issues.  I really don’t know why Kurt’s wasting his time -- Spencer obviously doesn’t want to be a part of the team, nor have we seen any indication that he actually has some kind of performing arts talents.  But I suppose this scene is supposed to be a commentary on the current state of the LGBT community.  

Actually, that’s exactly what it’s about and it’s kinda fascinating.  The thing about this conversation is to show just how far things have come from 2009.  Society has become more accepting of the LGBT community (obviously, it’s got a long ways to go - but from when Glee started, a lot of progress has been made).  And we’re now here talking about different types of LGBT people.  Kurt can’t and isn’t the catch all for gay anymore - that definition has widen (even if it’s always been that wide and diverse, we can now, as a society, have that conversation).  And now even gay kids can have various inspiration to pull on - it doesn’t have to be musicals, it can be Modern Family.  And that even though Kurt and Spencer share a preference for men, doesn’t make them any more similar than any other two guys. 

So, yeah, it’s interesting that this scene (and the following one that Kurt’s not in) has less to do with the story and recruitment, as it is Glee’s usual way of knocking down the fourth wall and saying - yeah, okay so we’re not relevant like we used to be, but we did have an impact.  

Meanwhile, in actual story time - we get to remember that Kurt was once on the football team -- and learn that Spencer is an asshole, and I’m still not sure why Kurt’s trying so hard to recruit him. 

Recruitment

Kurt next pops up when Brittany is giving him advice on how to win Blaine back -- which involves burning all his clothes (yes, nude Kurt) but getting normal clothes (um, he’s been dressing ‘normally’ for a while now), and then being honest with him (yes do that!) about being a Barbara Bush impersonator (wtf Brittany?).  Kurt’s equally confused as the rest of us and moves on with his life as he should.  

However - I have to wonder - did they know at this point that Brittany was gonna try to get them back together? I have no idea.  None of Brittany’s actions make sense most of the time, so I shouldn’t think too much about it. 

Meanwhile - the main issue is that they’ve all failed to recruit members - mostly because none of them really know what they hell they’re doing.  But then Roderick’s magical voice floats through the vents (sure) and they’re all mystified and run to go find him.  

They find Roderick in the library - and why do they all look terrifying in this scene?  Come join the cult - Roderick, lol.  Anyway - they get a new member.  

And I’ll take a second and talk about the season 6 newbies - who are actually pretty interesting.  They aren’t cut from the same cloth of the originals as the season 4 newbies, their story lines all converge with existing characters, and we’re not forced to sit through any awkward love triangles.  They served a function and it worked, too bad this didn’t happen way back in season 4 - the show might have lasted longer. 

And then we get a long speech about what it is to be in glee.  Cause apparently we needed that reminder.  Kurt doesn’t say anything but nod in the background as other people give speeches.  Ah yes, we’re back in season 1 again aren’t we. 

Roderick auditions for Glee -- cause tradition - and Kurt... doesn’t really do anything.  But he’s there looking pretty so... 

First Meeting

So, ha, okay.  Roderick is their only recruit and he shows up and Kurt has this nice speech about how you can’t go back again, but maybe you can make something new and better out of the ashes of the old thing.  And I think that’s kind of cool -- because it’s not just about glee or his career, but about his relationship with Blaine.  Like I said earlier, even though they’re all home again, the point is to go in a, god help me, new direction -- one that’s better than before, and as we’re coming to the ending of the show, I kind of like that there’s a sentiment that says - yeah you can and are allowed to start over and do things again.  Second chances are a thing. 

However, they’re stopped quickly because Blaine comes in, screaming about how Jane was poached by Rachel and will now be in New Directions instead of the Warblers.  Blaine, who is clearly still angry (and very confused about his emotions) at Kurt blames Kurt for making it all happen -- which is ridiculous, but c’mon Kurt, Blaine’s allowed to have some residual issues.  Kurt even tries to say that it’s fine because the Warblers have a lot of people and New Directions don’t - but Blaine’s pushing back.  Which is actually a good thing, tbh, even if he is a little off the handle here.  Blaine’s no longer going to be a doormat - and that works much better for the balance of he and Kurt in the long run.  

Kurt and Blaine are on their way to being on equal footing again, but here there’s still a lot of pain that hasn’t been healed yet.  Subtext!! 

Homecoming

Alright, so official glee club has started! And they get two more members as the weird cheerleader twins join.  And it’s all happiness and joy as this new/final chapter has officially begun. 

And then we get the final number - Home - where Kurt gets to sing in his lovely lower register.  :D  And the Homecoming celebration officially starts.  It’s a little weird to see the kids doing something so high school normal, lol, but hey it’s a fun time to celebrate.  

So, um, Kurt, Sam, and Artie go spy on Spencer because -- tradition? I mean, that’s one of the themes of episode.  Let’s go with tradition. 

Anyway, being back is actually kinda bittersweet for Kurt because being back home means that there are still a lot of unresolved issues from the past to deal with. 

Blaine and Karofsky are there - and Blaine is intentionally not looking at Kurt, as Kurt looks like he’s been stabbed in the heart watching from afar.  The song plays on - Home is when I’m with you.  Well, Rachel and Mercedes and McKinley is home, but there’s a bit ‘home’ that’s missing in Kurt’s heart.  We’re gonna get there - but we do have a little ways to go. ;) 

#finding kh #kurt hummel

[stateofgrace-acoustic]

Why Speak Now is a lyrical masterpiece: an essay.

//it’s here!! i really wrote a 6000 word essay on Speak Now. yep, I’m a nerd and also slightly crazy. have been working on it for the last two weeks. i am really proud of this and i’m excited to share it, even if not many people read it. 

Special thanks to @bridgesburn-i-neverlearn who encouraged me to write this and also is an angel in general. Thank you for being excited about it as much as I am - I hope you enjoy! //

Speak Now is a fan favorite among Taylor Swift’s albums, even though it has always been painfully overlooked in the mainstream. It is undoubtedly amazing on more than just one level - musically, it is diverse, uniting not only country and pop but bringing rock into the mix as well; the songs are confessional, heartfelt, each one telling a different unique story. They feel almost theatrical at times, which the Speak Now tour with its musical appeal - the elaborate stage design, background dancers, and dramatic performances incorporated into the songs - capitalized on in captivating fashion.

What has made me fall in love with this album most of all, though, has always been its storytelling - and I’m sure most fans will agree with me here. In this essay I want to highlight what I believe to be a central reason behind the charm of Speak Now: its thematic cohesion, exploring the intricacies of confessions through songwriting, and of speaking - or not speaking - in the right moment. I will go through the songs on the album looking for these thematic ties, while highlighting what makes each song special in my eyes, pointing out subtle subversions and added subtext that make the songs more complex than they might seem on the surface. I’ll argue that these little subversions are what situate Speak Now in an in-between stage between naivety and maturity - between idealism and realism. It is this space of being in-between, on not quite having arrived at a specific point, but trying to make sense of the world through storytelling, that make the album so compelling. 

Taylor talked about the central idea behind Speak Now being confessions. ‘Each song is a different confession to a person.’, she stated before the album came out. ‘In the past two years, I’ve experienced a lot of things that I’ve been dying to write about. A lot of things I wanted to say in the moment that I didn’t.’* In the album prologue, she mentions specific, crucial moments where the decision between speaking or not speaking up can make or break a situation - situations in which she could have spoken up, but didn’t, and so she wrote songs about them. Songs that are, by nature, retrospective - confessions kept past the time that they should have been said, emotions bottled up from the moment they were felt. And retrospection always has something wistful about it, the knowledge of not being able to turn back time, even if your reflections may have made you wiser in time. 

This idea is central in Back to December, an apology to a lover she mistakenly let go. The progression of the relationship, but also her different states of mind associated with it, are symbolized by the different seasons - starting off light and sweet with ‘then i think about summer, all the beautiful times’, turning to the realization of love in fall, until ‘the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind’. Here she directly references her fear keeping her from holding onto the relationship. Now, the constant urge to relive the mistakes she made keeps her from moving on: ‘staying up, playing back myself leaving’. But she pushes the message of the song further than regret and apology - she knows that, as much as she would want to, she can never ‘go back in time and change it’, and as much as she loves daydreaming about it, that will never make it real. With that in mind, she tells him, ‘so if the chain is on your door, I understand’. She accepts that her apology might not be enough, that she might not be forgiven; she knows she needs to make her peace with that. This sense of acceptance not only shows maturity, but gives the song an undercurrent of sincerity; otherwise it could have been perceived as manipulative, an apology constructed to win back someone’s heart. Instead, it expresses an earnest sense of regret, and at the same time, the heartbreaking realization that regret is not always enough, and fixing the past is something beyond our control. 

The pain of reflections bringing back detailed memories of something that is forever lost is also a central focus on Last Kiss. One of Taylor’s biggest strengths in her songwriting is her focus on detail - rather than talking about the relationship in general terms, she evokes specific images of ‘the smell of the rain, fresh on the pavement’ and ‘that look on your face, lit through the darkness at 1:58′. Playful moments in the relationship and traits of her former lover that she found endearing earlier - ‘you’re showing off again’, ‘you kissed me when i was in the middle of saying something’, have now become bitter as she misses not only the big emotions, but the little quirks and small moments that made her fall in love. The chorus shows the pain of having to face dreams shattering; ‘I never imagined we’d end like this’. The way she continuously recalls beautiful moments from the point of view of her naive, lovestruck side, and crushes them with questions - ‘why did you go?’- and pain from the present, gives the song a structure that parallels the repeated, sinking feeling of heartbreak. This is brought to its most unfiltered expression on the bridge, where his current life and distance from her is directly contrasted with the intimacy they used to share: ‘so I watch your life in pictures, like I used to watch you sleep. And I feel you forget me life I used to feel you breathe.’ As in Back to December, she also dedicates the bridge to a central message to the person the song is about - but it is ultimately not only one of hurt, or even anger, but of being lost: ‘I never planned on you changing your mind’. The central idea of the song is that she feels deeply insecure because she does not understand why she was left. It becomes clearest when she expresses the hope that he might feel the same longing for their times together as she does: ‘I hope it’s nice where you are [...] and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed.’ This is not the scathing goodbye to an old lover that she can master just as well on many of her other songs; its heartbreaking nature lies in the simple, evocative way it talks about the pain of being left alone without knowing the reason.

If the communication on Last Kiss is one-sided, as her former lover is long gone, on The Story of Us, it is dysfunctional and characterized by the growing divide between two people - another variation of the topic of speaking and confessing that ties together the album. Besides the many metaphors related to stories themselves - ‘i don’t even know what page you’re on’ - the clear structure stands out here the most. The first verse recalls the effortless chemistry they had at the beginning - ‘we met and the sparks flew instantly’ - and the dreams of the time when everything seemed stable. But soon the distances are too far to cross, at least for one person alone - ‘so many things that I wish you knew, so many walls up I can’t break through’. She now desperately wants to know how the other person feels, but has no way of knowing: ‘I’m dying to know, is it killing you like it’s killing me?’ The disconnection is illustrated in the second verse as the actions of both people are separated and contrasted - “see me nervously pulling at my clothes [...] and you’re doing your best to avoid me.’ and ‘how I was losing my mind [...] but you held your pride’, unlike the first verse where the ‘we’ was central. In the middle of the isolation, she feels the weight of the things that are unsaid: ‘I’ve never heard silence quite this loud’, and perhaps also the weight of her own inability to articulate her thoughts and emotions: ‘I don’t know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down’. The song illustrates the difficulties of communicating once misunderstandings and emotional walls are built between people. She realizes that to break down these walls, both partners would have to put in effort - “I would put my armor down i you said you’d rather love than fight’, and recognizes that she is likely not the only one who has things to say that she cannot put into words: “There’s so many things that you wish I knew’. At the same time, the issue can never be resolved if her partner is not willing to take a step forward, and so, the relationship is breaking apart without either of them finding a way back to each other. 

Instead of real life issues with communication, the idea of speaking up in a crucial situation is taken to the realm of daydreaming where situations play out perfectly on the title track, Speak Now. It presents itself innocently - the speaker being an uninvited guest at a wedding, secretly having a crush on the groom. And in fact, at the beginning, the speaker illustrates herself as the total opposite of trouble: ‘I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion’. However, from verse one, a sense of cheekiness runs through the song - ‘her snobby little family all dressed in pastel’ doesn’t make the bride look too appealing, and ironic remarks like ‘it seems that I was univited by your lovely bride to be’ makes her seem quite a bit more feisty than she makes herself out to be. And indeed, at the end of the second verse she directly tells him , ‘You wish it was me, don’t you?’ It is still sweet, but also slightly taunting - he is the one who should have known better, and he picked the wrong girl. The part of the wedding ceremony where guests are allowed to speak up one last time, gives the song, and the album its name: ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace’. Even in a song as generally lighthearted as this one, the sentiment itself is quite serious, and runs through the sadder songs on the record as well - the fleeting nature of chances and opportunities to speak up, and the possibilites of regret if you let it pass. It is a challenge, in the moment, to raise your voice, but - as Taylor says in the album prologue - ‘if there’s something you should say, you’ll know it. I don’t think you should wait.’ In her daydream, she doesn’t wait, and speaks up despite of her nervousness to a happy ending -  and the guy in the song eventually thanks her: ‘so glad you were around when they said speak now’ - suggesting that he was actually unhappy with the situation as well and was too afraid to speak up himself. Even though it is, of course, not a line that is supposed to be taken too seriously and is simply the fulfillment of her romantic fantasy, him echoing her words, it can also be seen as a reaffirmation of raising your voice, as you might not only change your own life to the better, but effect others with your courage, too. 

Even when Taylor sings about stories of love in a light of positivity and liberation, she inserts more complex emotions into it than obvious on the surface. On the opening track Mine, she recalls the classic narrative of two lovers meeting, falling in love, fighting and finally reconciliating with a happy ending, but gives it a few subtle but meaningful twists that sets it apart from her earlier, more simple and naive stories in the like, as Love Story. Suggestions that the speaker of the song had to witness love breaking apart in her childhood and grew up not believing in ideals of happily ever after are woven through the song - lines like ‘wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts’ seem upon focused listen, quite dark and uncomfortable in a song this upbeat and optimistic, even if the story does get a happy ending. And the central fight that occurs in the bridge of the song is directly followed by the insecurities boiling back up and threatening to end what both of them have built. At the end, the song is about the power of love to set you free and make you believe that stories of happily ever after are possible - but it does not happen on its own. The repeated mentions of ‘hold on, make it last’ at the end of the song suggest that only if both partners continuously put work into it, the happy ending is truly possible. A subtle sense of maturity that the simple ‘baby, just say yes’ at the end of Love Story does not carry.   

Enchanted may be seen as the most straightforwardly romantic song on the album, but there are undercurrents of darkness here as well: the entire first verse speaks of being in a situation of loneliness and alienation from all the people in a room: ‘walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy’. It is a deeply sad image that is relieved by meeting the one person the speaker does have a real, intimate connection with. And while it is sweet and beautiful, the loneliness from the beginning of the song never vanishes entirely, as the entire song is a daydream - it is left open how the person that she has caught feelings for actually feels and responds.  The sense of agitation that comes with overwhelming happiness is never really resolved - she expresses it in ‘dancing around all alone’ and daydreaming about a happy ending - but the song is never grounded back into reality, which gives it its momentum - it exists and stays in its own sphere of joy and hopefulness.

In this song, as in so many others, the important, revealing emotions occur at specific nighttime hours - here it is the anxious reflection on who the other person might love, in Mine it was the crucial fight between the lovers, in Last Kiss a remembered moment of intimacy. It is at these hours that emotions are most raw and unfiltered - which ties into the confessional nature of the whole album. 

Taylor explores the intricacies of love further on songs like Sparks Fly, which, in its lyrical themes, can be seen as a predecessor to her album Red, as she talks about falling for someone that might not be the best choice, infatuation taking away her capacities for rational thought - ‘my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea’, a recurring idea on her fourth LP. As happy and liberating as the song is, there is a certain danger to the attraction that Taylor is aware of - it could all end up badly, but she is too caught up to care. She paints herself as helpless to the feelings at first - comparing herself to a house of cards and saying ‘you’re the kinda reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won’t get far.’ However, this simple image of total helplessness that does not give her any agency in instigating the relationship is subtly challenged on the bridge: ‘Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it’s just wrong enough to make it feel right’, she sings, suggesting that in some capacity she simply does not want to think about the possible results of giving into her feelings - she is aware there is something off, but prefers not to follow the thought further. It is a moment of almost conscious self-denial that not only draws strong parallels to songs such as I Knew You Were Trouble, but to another song on Speak Now that dramatizes the opposite of falling in love: a relationship falling apart - Haunted. 

Haunted with its deeply dramatic presentation gives the impression of Taylor being caught up in memories and feelings she cannot escape or move on from. More straightforwardly than on Sparks Fly, however, she states right at the beginning that she could see the damage coming: ‘I have known it all this time, but I never thought I’d live to see it break’. A small part of her held onto the hope that is might still work out. However, after everything is inevitably broken, she cannot find consolation or a sense of stability anywhere: ‘It’s getting dark and it’s all too quiet and I can’t trust anything now’. Her sensation of having lost her partner to a mysterious force that made his ‘eyes go cold’ perfectly fits the gothic atmosphere of the song, and the chorus shows that she is still to a certain extent in denial and shock as she pleads to him to come back to her - ‘something’s gone terribly wrong’ she sings, completely lost as to what caused him to turn away after she thought she knew him so well. The amount of shock she is still in is powerfully illustrated in the second verse as well: ‘Something keeps me holding on in nothing’. She is self-aware enough to know that it is senseless to keep coming back to a broken thing, but her emotions keep pulling her in. Finally, denial takes over again during the bridge as she repeats to herself: ‘I just know you’re not gone, you can’t be gone’. The song illustrates the precise state between realizing something is over, and dediding to move on. It’s the state of lingering for a while longer, being pulled from either side and being unable to let go - being ‘haunted’.

These same emotions of denial and helplessness are central in the next song as well, but it discusses many more emotional states, too- Dear John, which might be the center point of my analysis, as I consider it to be one of the most complex and impactful songs Taylor has ever written. It is a song about the dynamics of an abusive relationship and about heartbreak that gradually turns into self-empowerment. 

Taylor uses a wide array of images to convey her feeling of being trapped in the relationship in the first verse, always feeling like the weaker partner at the mercy of the other - she compares herself to a chess figure being rendered powerless by constantly changing rules, and evokes the image of a blue sky being turned into rain. At the same time, she discusses the anxiety that comes with being so powerless and being the subject of constantly changing moods - ‘counting my footsteps, praying the floor won’t fall through again’, as well as bringing up the already mentioned self denial that she is now aware of and that her worried mother brought to her attention. 

In the prechorus she frames the song as an explanation as to why she walked away from the relationship: ‘This song is to let you know why’. Then the chorus turns reflection of her emotional states into accusation, the first step on the song’s way toward empowerment. ‘Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with?’, she asks her partner to evaluate his own consciousness. But eventually, the chorus ends on a somber note as the accusation is directed not at him, but herself: ‘I should’ve known’. She regrets her denial in retrospect and blames herself for the way he treated her, a common reaction in emotionally abusive relationships. 

The second verse, then, takes the next step: she examines the reasons behind the relationship not working out, and explicitly incorporates both partners into the conversation. However, while she accuses herself of naivety, the majority of the blame lasts on him this time, presenting him as having ‘a sick need to give love and take it away’. She further disects his personality, stating that he would not actually listen to her criticisms - or anyone else’s -, but simply think of her as misunderstanding him, refusing to see any position but his own- everyone else is on his ‘long list of traitors who don’t understand’. 

Finally, on the bridge, she takes the crucial step up: instead of remaining a passive marionette in his hands, she takes back her agency, escapes his influence and therefore takes away his power: ‘took your matches before fire could catch me’, and, with her life back in her own hands, she is not only free, but a better person with a brighter life than his will ever be: ‘I’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town’. It is the central climax of the song, but I would argue that it has a second, just as important one, as the central moment of subversion is reached at the end of the song. She turns the last lines of the chorus on its head: ‘cried the whole way home’, an image of humiliation, sadness and brokenness, is turned into the triumphant ‘wrote you a song’. And instead of the self-accusing ‘I should have known’ comes one small, but immensely weighted comment that not only makes him look like the naive fool instead of her, but places her in a position of strength on the basis of her songwriting: ‘You should’ve known’. It carries a double meaning - he should have known not to mess with her that young, but he also should have known that she would fight back by writing a song. She uses her own public image as a weapon in a line that manages to both be slightly self-deprecating, and ridiculing her former lover for underestimating her. He might have broken her heart, but she can write about it and find protection and self-worth through her art - here, Taylor discovers the power of the song as a weapon, a concept she would later bring to heights of success on mega hits like Blank Space.  

Thus, Dear John takes the journey from a place of complete helplessness to strength and empowerment through art, and it chronicles the variety of emotional states on the way with captivating precision. 

As multifaceted as Taylor’s songs about love on Speak Now are, it is not the only topic she sings about, so for the last section, I’ll take a look at the songs that illustrate topics of empowerment, revenge, and forgiveness, as well as the overarching theme of growing up. 

Mean might be seen as just one of the many Taylor songs about getting back on a hater, but it is a truly special one, as she grounds the song in different emotions that all play together; a confronting attitude, making her critic responsible for his words and actions, a sense of the cheekiness from Speak Now, and genuine expression of the effect his words had on her wellbeing. She is not afraid to call out his behavior as hypocritical and unfair - ‘switching sides, wildfire lies, humiliation’, the accusatory ‘you’ hanging over the beginning of every verse. At the same time, ‘you have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing’ opens up a complete insight into the devastating effect his comments had on her. At the end, ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ is her way of telling him that as long as he does not actually know her and makes up accusations, his words do not have legitimacy at all. She even searches for roots to his actions - ‘I bet you got pushed around’ before stating that she will not stoop so low to use his own methods: ‘the cycle ends right now’. Following up on this idea, the chorus is her big, triumphant refusal to further engage with him at all, saying that some day, she will be so big, he will not even be relevant enough to hurt her. It is a much more scathing comment than actually directly getting back at him would be, completely stripping him of any relevance. Toward the end of the bridge, she seems to leave it at ‘all you are is mean’, but then fires off some more accusations: ‘and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life...and mean’ It is intentionally slightly petty, playing with restraint before she gives into her desire to express herself honestly and to get a bit of revenge, after all. She is having her fun with the rebuttal as much as she is genuinely expressing her emotions and making a mature statement about taking the higher road. She proves, on the song, that these do not have to be exclusive attitudes - you can send an important message while still having fun with the song.

But as effective as Taylor can be at balancing revenge and forgiveness, she can dive deeper into either side of the scale as well if she wants to. On Better than Revenge, she fully embraces her anger and fury to call out both her ex boyfriend and his new girfriend. She paints him as a possession of hers that was unrightfully stolen, and equates her rival to a child that hasn’t learned proper manners when she lectures her that ‘stealing other people’s toys on the playground won’t make you many friends’. Thus, in the word choice alone, she takes the conflict to a childlike level. Taylor shows herself as a person with mature attitudes who has to teach the other girl about proper behaviour - and she does have real points to make: ‘sophistication isn’t what you wear or who you know’ - but at the same time, her wilingness to engage in the battle and her desire to ‘always have the last word’ reveal her own motivations which come from a place of impulsive emotions and wounded pride, too. The triumphant and gratified way she sings ‘Let’s hear the applause, come on, show me how much better you are’ shows her taking pleasure from the fact that her rival was, after all, not worth it anyway - an attitude that is very much not mature, but she knows it, and she embraces it fully in the song, which no doubt felt cathartic to write. And here, again, we have the function of songwriting reflected in an actual song. It is only implied, but after all, the titular revenge she gets is the song itself - even if she could not win him back, she can make sure that she has the last word. 

Innocent can be seen as the opposite twin of Better than Revenge  - even though they are about different issues - when it comes to attitude. The song is all about giving a person who slighted you a second chance, the reasoning for it being that stumbling at a point in life is an experience everyone shares, and so everyone deserves a fresh start at one point with no past baggage keeping them down - ‘who you are is not what you’ve been’. She expresses sympathy in the verses, comparing adult life to easier days of childhood when a sense of safety and security was taken for granted, and you had people to look up to and guide you in life - ‘always a bigger bed to crawl into’. The line ‘wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything and everybody believed in you’ expresses both a sense of disillusionment that comes with adulthood and the loss of the support structure that seemed completely self-evident for all of childhood - being left alone, knowing that no one will be there to catch you once you fall, is a terrifying situation. Adulthood is the time when ‘the monsters caught up to you’, a simultaneously sinister and sad image for everything that caregivers cannot shield from us anymore after a certain age. And as this is an experience we all share, Taylor implies, we need to look out for each other instead, and give each other second chances when needed. She talks about regret, too, an idea that was already discussed in other songs: ‘Did some things you can’t speak of, but at night you’ll live it all again.[...] If only you had seen what you know now, then.’ This part not only incorporates the album theme of speaking into the song - in the form of words you won’t even admit to yourself - it also calls back to the idea of knowing a better route to past events upon reflection, but the wistful knowledge that turning back time is impossible. As Taylor herself relates heavily to this experience, as she has illustrated on songs like Back to December, she can apply the feelings to others and empathize with her supposed enemy. The song in that way shows itself to be about the power of empathy to remind us of experiences we all share and are bonded by, and, at the same time, it is just as much about growing up as it is about forgiveness. The key to dealing with the fleeting nature of life and the possibilites of missteps and missed opportunities, as is suggested in the bridge, is to keep reminding yourself that changes also bring chances, and as humans we are capable of constantly renewing ourselves: ‘Today is never too late to be brand new’. 

The topic of growing up is not left to Innocent alone to reflect; in fact, it has its very own song dedicated to it, titled Never Grow Up. The wistfulness of remembering the safety and effortless happiness of a childhood long gone takes center stage here, as she talks to a young child who stil has her entire life in front of her - yet, over the course of the song, Taylor gets lost in her own reflections and reminisces on what she has lost of her own childhood. The child’s innocence makes her think - in a heartbreaking way - of the inevitable time when this carefree nature - ‘to you, everything’s funny, you’ve got nothing to regret’ - will be lost and disillusionment will replace wide-eyed optimism. Having experienced it herself, Taylor wants nothing more than to shield her from the same fate - ‘I’d give all I have, honey, if you could stay like that’, but she knows that it is impossible. And so the chorus with its repeated mentions of ‘oh, darling don’t you ever grow up’ is steeped in a deep sense of sadness, as it’s clear that this wish can never be fulfilled. On the second verse, Taylor flashes forward to the teenage years and once again, recalls an image of naive, boundless joy, struggling to hold onto it - ‘don’t lose the way that you dance around in your PJs getting ready for school’. At the same time, she never loses sight of the fact that everyone shares the fate of growing up, and struggles with it, which might help us understand other generations’ struggles, too: ‘Remember that she’s getting older too’. The central idea of the song is the tragedy behind the constant wish to grow up as a child - ‘you can’t wait to move out some day and call your own shots’ - just to want to go back to the simpleness of childhood once you actually get there. Thus the mantra of the chorus can also be seen as a wish to hold onto childhood just a little longer, or preserve what is possible from it. But at the end of the song, when Taylor relates her own experience to the rest of the song, she comes to a rather defeating conclusion: ‘I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone:’ The only thing that is possible to do is hold onto the memories, they will hold on to you - ‘keep pictures in your mind of your childhood’ - and try to keep them safe in your heart.

Finally, the song that is left is the last song on the album, Long Live - and this song, too, is a reflection, but it is a much more hopeful, enthusiastic one that celebrates the people that helped Taylor get to where she is and all the memories that were made on the way. She consistently uses plural ‘we’ on the chorus of this song, illustrating the fact that it is not about her own success and story only, but about the community she has built along the way - with her band, her entire crew, and most importantly her fans, and just how much this community means to her. The song is a celebration of the things that can be moved when people come together - the way it can make the seemingly impossible come true - ‘long live all the magic we made’, and the way it can make seeming underdogs the ‘kings and queens’ of the world for just a night. She feels like she can take anyone on in this situation - ‘bring on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid’. This momentum, this power and beauty is something she wants to keep safely stored so that the memories can never be lost. At the same time, she takes a wider look into the future on the bridge, breaking her celebration for a while to think about the consequences of the fairytale ending, of things falling apart - and all she wants in this situation is the magic of the memories to be remembered, and felt even by people who were not directly there. It is, at the end, a love letter to her fans, for all that we have achieved together with her and that is yet to come: ‘I had the time of my life with you’. Thinking back on the album topic, it illustrates the wonderful things that can happen if you do take chances - if you take the courage to speak now. It leaves the album on a note of joy and a sense of magic the belief that even the highest dreams can be achieved, and everything is possible - when we find a way to connect with each other and fight for it together.

At the end, with Speak Now we are left with an album that examines love and life in all its complexities; incorporating fantasy and reality, regret and denial, revenge and forgiveness, loneliness and connection, wistfulness and hope into fourteen songs, each painted in muliple shades of emotion, all of them tied together by the topic of confessions and speaking up. It is an album that is both deeply personal and universal, and I have loved it for all of that for many years - I hope this love came through in this piece of writing, and I hope that I could make you relive your own love for Speak Now while reading it.

(If you’ve made it all the way to the end, thank you so much!! I don’t really expect anyone to read this, so if you did, I really really appreciate it. I hope you could get something for yourself out of it. And to Natasha, thanks to you more than anything - without you I never would have written this!)

*https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-announces-third-album-speak-now-186288/ 

#taylor swift #speak now #vanessa talks #for a very long time #vanessa has never talked this much #she is currently questioning her sanity #she loves speak now way too much

[sicklyscribe]

alien smoochies

Short and sweet of it:

If supernatural romance and small town drama are tropes you like, I think you won’t be disappointed if you give this show a shot. All of my concerns are ones that could turn out to be pilot-specific, and all of my accolades are ones that have every reason to continue showing up in every episode.

Character motivations were very strong and barring the placement of one scene, feel like natural parts of both the character’s lives and the necessary plot.

Chemistry between all of the actors was also a plus, though the pace of information and the desire to keep secrets from the audience at times worked against the main ship.

Plot isn’t anything to write home about, it’s an alien drama on a YA-centric network based on a YA novel, are you expecting anything more than the classic tropes applied to modern-day, and applied well? If you are, I suggest The Expanse, but you’ll be sacrificing the heady YA romance focus for a plot-oriented and philosophical-political lens. Both shows deal heavily with ideas of identity, community, and the rights of man, though, which all alien stories worth their salt should do!

That being said, the political overtones that are present are not shy. If it were ten years ago and I was reviewing, I’d say it was a bit much. But it’s not ten years ago, it’s now, and I’d say much is fucking warranted in a small town American drama set in 2019. It takes a stance with immigration, diversity, mental illness, lgbtq, feminism, “the wall”, and disabled veterans. It knows that escapism in fiction is important, to a point, but chooses to put itself in what I think is a brave and effective in-between.

let the long-winded-ness begin: Spoilers, of course

Basically all I wanted out of this show was for it to have a cute lead romance that was as charming or more charming than the one on the ill-fated Star-Crossed (yes I watched some of that, yes it could have been way better, but also yes it tried some things that made me smile and I thought worked pretty well), plus a plot that only made me suspend disbelief when it came to the existence of aliens that look like models and have superhero powers.

The romance was almost too heavy-handed for me, and I was watching this show for the heavy-handed romance. It feels this way, in my opinion, because we see the heart-stopping, sappy, magnetic draw of these two characters over and over again in ways that just seem over-the-top without knowing their history. Having them flustered at seeing each other again unexpectedly is endearing, but insisting overtly and repeatedly that we’ve got true high school sweethearts love on our hands folks! before giving us the hints that a lot happened that contradicts/questions the initial information feels a bit like the carriage before the horse.

The main place where this really gummed up the wheels for me was the post-healing, pre-reveal bit where the aliens are fighting about what happened. The current indication at this point in the show is that Liz did not give Max the time of day until maybe the very end of high school, and if so there was not any reason to believe it got to a romantic level (could be remembering this wrong, I’m not infallible and also I don’t want to go through CW ads again to confirm). This in the subtext of Max’s obvious infatuation mixes to present an obsessive/idolistic vibe to his feelings. As the pilot progresses, chinks fall into place in the backstory until we finally get enough foundation to fully support the way these people are talking to and about each other.

This intense withholding to me was a net negative -- I would have preferred more overt hints in the first twenty minutes that the main relationship meant much more in high school (and possibly was much more) than a long crush met with a budding one, and nothing happened from there. It would have made me feel I had more freedom to fall into those sappy loving longing scenes without the nagging sensation of unbalance.

Despite this, I was able to still totally go weak at the knees for the ‘You’re just feeling echoes of what I feel for you... It’ll wear off...’/’When will it wear off?’/’A few days, maybe a week’/’Okay, I’ll kiss you then.’ because THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE THE HELL OUT OF A BUDDING SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE. With each line I was hoping they’d go in this direction, and when I have hopes like this for sci-fi/fantasy romance dialogue I’m usually disappointed. This was *kisses fingers* bellissimo.

Other than the romance, the alien confrontation scenes in the early/mid portion of the episode could have really used a bridging line or two. Michael and Isobel are furious that Max healed someone and caused a scene when they’re not even sure if she remembers or suspects anything. Meanwhile, Michael is shorting out cameras and causing supernatural mayhem in nearly every scene he’s in. While Max and Isobel aren’t thrilled about this, there’s no acknowledgement by any of the three that Michael doesn’t have a leg to stand on here, or if they really feel that what Max did was that much more dangerous, they don’t nitpick at why. They shouldn’t have done the latter, really, since they were in their own dynamic with their own established norms and if this was part of those norms they wouldn’t have had to debate them. But as an audience member it took me out of the scene and lessened the impact of the job it was supposed to do in establishing how these characters fit together.

(also, i feel that since the scenes I just mentioned fell a bit short, I can’t say I see the point of Max telling them ‘I’m going to reveal our secret!’ when it will be for all intents and purposes unavoidable for him to do so regardless. To reinforce the character motivations, these scenes may have played better if Max was on the fence about telling Liz, and his siblings convinced him not to despite his concern for her and desire to alleviate her fears of mental illness. This would have shown his viewpoints -- “I think it’s right to tell her”/”I should be in charge of this decision” -- warring with his core value -- “Protect my siblings” -- and this conflict would have provided a lot more fodder for establishing the dynamic norms for these three.)

My other big-ish gripe was the military man set up to be the antagonist. In a “legend” fraught with red tape, cover-ups, and lies to highest branches of government, Commander Manes has one conversation with a young doctor (the son of his trusted dead colleague, yes, but still) and said young doctor plays the information barter game... and wins? The plot seems to need these two to be trusting in each other to some degree, but to have it happen so soon? A short scene where Doc Valenti was up to his ears in legally binding scary paperwork plus a half dozen checkpoints and failsafes before getting to the secret alien HQ would have been nice. I just don’t really buy that this head honcho guy waltzes on to base with a civilian and tells him the whole story just because he was BFFs with the guy’s dad.

This isn’t really a gripe, more of a standard that I think is worth aspiring to: disabled actors exist, and it would have been better if one had been cast as Alex. Maybe something sci-fi happens in the plot later that would have made this unfeasible, I don’t know. Maybe it was attempted and there really wasn’t anyone for it. There are a lot of maybes. I just know that representation always happens this way: it is simulated before it is direct. It’s good to support the simulation as far as it affects public opinion, but not talking about how it can be better is treading water. So: I’m incredibly happy for the work this show is doing to put different types of people in the public eye. As a part of that public eye, I feel the need to make my voice heard, so to speak, in continuing to push the standard.

Getting off my tiny little tumblr soap box, I think that’s about it for my thoughts. Of course I’m a writing nerd, so I have thoughts on every line written in every show I’ve seen in the past five years, and I’m not going to subject myself or anyone reading to the tedium of that. Of course I didn’t even scrape the surface of all of the topics covered by this pilot and what I thought about each and every one of them -- Liz’s characterization and relationships with her sister and best friend especially -- but suffice to say if I didn’t pick on it then I really enjoyed it. 

Anyone who enjoyed this, let me know! I’m not putting it in the tag since I’m trying to limit my fandom interaction, but I am interested in maybe doing more series or pilot reviews if people want to read them.

#reposting because the readmore link kept breaking #anamysis