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luvxkdrama · 8 months

Text

— promises

pairing : hong woojin x reader

warnings : mentions of wounds and blood

word count : 1.4k

summary : you stitch him up after yet another fight where his life could’ve been taken away and you confront him about it

—

The sound of the door unlocking made you snap to attention from your hours on the couch. You'd been eagerly awaiting any news from your boyfriend —Hong Woojin — who had been away for yet another mission with Gunwoo.

You immediately rushed towards the door and winced at the sight of Woojin covered in bloodstains. After exchanging a few glances with him and without saying anything, you made your way towards the bathroom in order to grab the first aid kit and clean his wounds as much as you could.

“Babe…” Woojin started but you cut him off by asking him to take his shirt off.

Even though he had a few wounds here and there, they thankfully weren’t deep so you could easily put a bandage on them to make them heal properly.

While you were cleaning up the small cut on his left cheek, you could feel Woojin’s strong gaze on your face, pleading you to talk to him.

“You promised you won’t put your life in danger again.” You stated truthfully, reminding him of his words from not even a week ago.

“Babe, I can’t leave Gunwoo alone in this and you know that. We just have to get rid of Myeonggil.” He sighed, leaning his head back on the couches’ arm.

“I’m just worried about you, Woo.” You put the first aid kit down and sat down on the couch next to him. “I can’t handle seeing you like this, always beaten up and leaving without giving me the certainty you will come back.” You said, feeling your heart ache every time he comes back home with his body filled with wounds and bruises.

Woojin carefully listened to your words, understanding that the situation was also taking a tool on you. As much as he hated to see you worried, he couldn’t give up now that he and Gunwoo were so close to put an end to this mess.

“I promise that once we’re finished with this affair, we’ll take a long vacation where I’ll be all yours.” He gently caressed your cheek with his thumb and placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I’m holding you to your word.” You sighed, the corner of your lips unconsciously turning upwards at the sight of your boyfriend’s bright smile.

The warmth of Woojin's lips connecting to yours momentarily eased your worries, but the concern still lingered in the back of your mind. You knew that their mission against Myeonggil was far from over, and it meant more danger for Woojin and Gunwoo. However, you also knew you couldn't change Woojin's mind once his determination was set.

After the tender moment, Woojin rose from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. “I will quickly eat something and we can go to sleep, I can see you’re as exhausted as I am.” he said with a weak grin.

“Maybe you should take a shower, Woojin,” you suggested. “It might help you relax, I can get you some clean clothes and make you something to eat while you’re there.” You suggested.

“Only if you join me.” He playfully wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned in to land a soft kiss on your neck.

You chuckled at his words and playfully slapped his shoulder, turning him around and gently pushing him towards the bathroom. Woojin groaned at your behaviour but raised his hands in defeat and entered the bathroom, leaving you to fetch a fresh set of clothes for him.

When Woojin returned from his shower, he looked a bit more refreshed. He changed into the clean clothes you had prepared and joined you on the table.

You put the food on the table and smiled at how eagerly Woojin was eating and complimenting your cooking skills.

You took a deep breath and decided it was time to address him something one last time. “Woojin, I know you can't back out of this mission and I won’t annoy you about it again, but promise me you'll be extra cautious and that you’ll come back home to me no matter what. I can't bear the thought of losing you.” You fidgeted nervously with the promise ring that Woojin has given you at your five months relationship anniversary.

Your boyfriend placed his hand over yours on the table, his thumb gently stroking the palm of your hand and his eyes filled with a mixture of love and determination. “I promise, Y/N. I'll do everything in my power to come back to you in one piece. And then, we'll have that vacation we talked about. Just you and me, no more danger.” He smiled, winking at you reassuringly.

You smiled through your worry, leaning in to kiss him before letting him enjoy the rest of the food.

The night wore on, and you and Woojin talked about the mission, the challenges he faced with Gunwoo, and your plans for the future. Despite the danger that loomed over him, you cherished these moments together, knowing that each one was precious.

As the first light of dawn peeked through the curtains, Woojin's exhaustion finally got the best of him and you both decided it was time to head towards the bedroom.

Although Woojin was tired, he couldn’t help but playfully pick you up and lead you towards the bed where he gently laid you down, before falling down next to you.

He breathed out in pleasure once the soft bedsheets came in contact with his skin, something he very much needed after a hard and painful day.

Woojin turned on his side to snuggle up to your back, holding you close to him to make sure you felt safe and loved. (And because, he just couldn’t fall asleep without feeling you by his side.)

“Goodnight, love.” He whispered and planted one last, gentle kiss in the crook of your neck before drifting off to the well-deserved sleep.

#bloodhounds #hong woojin #hong woojin x reader #bloodhounds x reader #woojin x reader #kim gunwoo #gunwoo x reader #kdrama x reader #fluff #angst #woo do hwan #lee sangyi

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its-time-to-write · 10 months

Note

hey big fan of your writing!! you write jamie so perfectly 💜 pls forgive me if you’ve already written something about this (i haven’t been able to find it if so) but could you write something post-mom city episode with the reader taking care of jamie when he’s hurt after the game and telling him how proud she is?? 🥹 thank you!!

This one’s canon compliant with you don’t want to know me for no reason other than the fact that I like to make my fics match up. It’s fun for me to pretend like I could write something with chapters someday😇 Hope you like it!

you’re in the kitchen humming

Of course, the one game you can’t go to is the one where Jamie gets injured so badly he has to come home on crutches. He’s not even the one who texts you about it. It’s Ted who writes, Your boy got hurt pretty badly. Might want to come pick him up when we get back.

So now you’re headed to AFC Richmond because Jamie only just let you know they’re back.

we’re in the treatment room, he says, and you don’t even take a moment to ask who we is.

It’s Roy and Keeley, and you aren’t a little bit surprised. They’re been passing around a bottle and laughing, so obviously Jamie can’t be hurt that badly. His right foot is stuck in a bucket of ice, so you get him up, say goodnight to Roy and Keeley, and help him tipsily hop to your car. Jamie chatters on about the game the whole ride home, only leaving room for you to interject the occasional “mhm,” or “I’m so proud of you!”

It’s somewhat of a chore to get him out of the car, mostly because he’s laughing so hard at the sheer absurdity of the situation, humor exaggerated by the champagne.

You finally maneuver him onto the couch and get him laid down, leg elevated. He’s still giggling.

You flip on the kitchen light to make him some food. You wonder briefly how many times you’ve done this: put Jamie on the couch, made him food, and let him take you to bed. It’s been a few years’ worth.

You’re at the stove humming softly, when you hear a tap thump, tap thump as Jamie hobbles over to wrap his arms around you from behind.

“Oi, you need to be lying down, mister,” you scold.

Jamie just presses his face into the crook of your neck.

“Can’t get comfortable. I’m still in my kit and I need help getting it off.”

His words are laced with a suggestive tone, made more apparent by the fact that his hands are no longer on your waist per se, but more under your waistband.

You put down the spatula and turn off the stove.

“Jamie Tartt,” you say in a tone that means listen the fuck up, “if you want even half a chance of getting in my pants tonight, you’ll go back to the couch and put ice on your ankle.”

His hands slip away and he groans, but complies. You shake your head and slide the eggs onto a plate.

You hate eggs, but they’re Jamie’s go-to post-match food. You asked him why once, and he said something about his mum and it being the only thing she could cook without burning.

So you suck it up and make him scrambled eggs every time he comes home from a game, whether home or away. Tonight, you bring him his plate on the couch, sit next to him, and hold it for him to eat.

You say softly, “I’m really proud of you, Jaim,” as he pushes himself into a sitting position. “Didn’t really get a chance to say it, but I am. You absolutely smashed it today.”

Jamie smirks. “I got your emojis,” he says. “Had twenty-one missed texts from you, none of ‘em containing a single word.” He puts down his fork and reaches into a pocket for his phone. “Got a fuck-ton of hearts, some fireworks, and one squirrel.”

You blush. Ah yes. The squirrel.

“Don’t think I can make it up the stairs,” he laments. “Might just have to stay on the couch all night. Sad. Alone. Fucking horny.”

You roll your eyes and flick his arm with your free hand. “You done eating? Because you need a shower. You smell, and I’m not fucking you until you’re clean.”

Jamie grins. “But you are going to fuck me.”

You shake your head. Yes, you are. With a goal like that, how could you not? Plus his foot’s injured, and he must be in pain. He could use a good distraction.

Jamie’s mind has to be going in a similar direction because he asks, “You gonna shower with me? I hate showering alone.”

“Obviously,” you respond. “You can barely stand on your own and you’re going to need help with your hair.”

—

This shower is a lot less sexy than some might imagine. Jamie is trying to keep his balance without putting weight on his foot, but it’s difficult because it’s slippery. You’ve made it through most of his shower routine (and yours too) but now you’re at the final step. Conditioner.

You grab the bottle and Jamie frowns. “You remember how much to use?”

You nod, but he’s not convinced. “Let me put it on your hand,” he says, grabbing the bottle and forgetting to be careful of his ankle. He puts too much weight on it and it gives out with a “fuck,” leaving Jamie’s lips.

He’s slipping and trying to grab onto something and that something is you so now you’re both tangled on the floor of the shower, water running in your faces and Jamie grimacing from pain.

—

You do manage to get him back up and condition his hair to his satisfaction (“It’s a delicate balance, babe,”) but the slip was not good for Jamie’s ankle. You have to go back downstairs for more ice, so now he’s lying flat on his back on the bed, towel wrapped precariously loose around his waist. When you’re satisfied that the ice is secure and Jamie’s foot is at a good angle, you flop down in the bed next to him. You’re still in your towel, too.

“I can’t stop thinking about that kick,” you say.

Jamie asks, “Which one? I did a lot of those,” and you laugh.

“The one to block Man City’s goal. The one where you landed wrong. It was probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so, so proud of you. I just can’t get over the fact that you can do all that and then you come home to me. It boggles my mind.”

Jamie’s blowing tickly breaths in your ear to make you shiver. “I was pretty sexy, weren’t I?”

You laugh again. “Everything’s always about being sexy with you, isn’t it? Sure, I’ll admit you were sexy. But you were also admirable and selfless and brave and amazing. You can’t sell yourself short.”

Jamie’s silent for a moment, and you think he’s fallen asleep. You look over to see him staring at the ceiling with glazed eyes.

You ask, “Are you crying?” and the words are barely out of your mouth before Jamie’s saying fuck no but you know he means fuck yes so you roll over to kiss him, because sometimes it’s better to leave some things unsaid. He’s pretty great, and you’re glad you’re the one who gets to tell him.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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likedovesinthewindd · 11 months

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Hobie with an s/o who loves smothering him with kisses?

this is so cute

hobie brown x reader

warning: none.

wc: ±700

a/n: having an absolute blast writing for hobie

Hobie made his way down the stage, and your smile widened with every step he took closer to you. When he finally reached you after squeezing through the crowd, he swiftly maneuvered his guitar behind his back and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his lanky figure down to place a kiss on his lips. The cold metal of his piercings always a welcome sensation on your lips.

"You were amazing, bee," you said, placing another quick peck on his mouth. He smiled at you, his arms wrapping around your middle. "Yeah?" he asked and you nodded excitedly. "You're always amazing though," you added with a smirk and he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Just gotta clean up the stage, then I'm all yours, yeah?" he said and you nodded, removing your hands from around his neck abd reluctantly letting him go.

★˚｡⋆

When the two of you finally got home, you got the chance to finally relax. He had showered and changed while you quickly whipped something up for the two of you to eat. Hobie always complimented you on your cooking skills, said that your food was way better than any stupid restaurant. The two of you layed on your bed, each nursing a bowl of cheesy pasta, as you watched an old movie.

When you finished your food, you placed your bowl on the small nightstand by your bed and shuffled along the bed so that you could snuggle into Hobie's pleasantly warm body. He accepted you gladly, wrapping his arm around your body and pulling you impossibly closer.

A few minutes passed before you had grown bored of the film playing. You turned your head so that you had a perfect view of Hobie's side profile. He was so pretty; perfectly sculpted jaw and gorgeous hair, full lips and his strong nose that you loved so much. Before you had time to think about it, you placed a kiss on the side of his nose, then on the apple of his cheek and soon you were placing kisses al over his face.

Hobie was a bit shocked at your sudden burst of affection, but he wasn't complaining either; he accepted it gladly. When you pulled away, he gave you a questioning look. "What was that for?" he asked. You shrugged. "Am I not allowed to love on my favorite boy?" you asked, once again stealing a kiss. You just couldn't get enough of him. He only smiled, giving in, now and then stealing a kiss for himself.

★˚｡⋆

The next morning he had woken up far too early for your liking. Your socked feet padded into the bathroom where he stood brushing his teeth by the small mirror by the sink. You wrapped your arms around his middle, placing your cheek against his back. You could feel the outline of his spine every time he moved a certain way.

"Good morning," your coarse voice spoke and he hummed, mouth still full of toothpaste foam. You removed your cheek from his back, and placed your lips directly over his spine. You placed a soft kiss to the area, keeping your lips there as you tried to will your groggy mind awake. You broke away when you felt him bend over to spit the toothpaste out and you removed your arms from his torso when he turned around to face you.

"You look ravishing this morning," he said sarcastically, referring to your mismatched pajamas and still slightly puffy face. You gave him a playful shove and made your way to the kitchen.

You made breakfast for the two of you and when it was time for him to go, you once again drowned him a sea of goodbye kisses, ending everything off with one big kiss on his full lips.

Hobie didn't consider himself a very romantic or sentimental person, but if there was one thing he truly cherished, it would most definitely be your kisses. Every single one out of the thousands he's already received.

#hobie brown x you #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown fluff #spiderman atsv #hobie brown #hobie atsv #hobie brown fic #likedovesinthewindd

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inkyquince · 2 years

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Inky beloved I'm feeling down in the insecurity dumps... How much would it be for soft thoughts of the LI's? Do you do commission headcannons or no

shush, i still do normal headcanons but am big tired and stressed out but big worried so lemme shoot off some soft headcannons

content warning. uh... implied past trauma for kylar. drug taking with alex.

Robin

Has plushie from when their parents were still alive and holds it very dear. Knows some of the others make fun of them for it, but they need it by their head every night or they struggle to fall asleep. In fact, its a plushie of a character in one of their games, the first one they ever played and its partially why buy the game console. The longer you're in a relationship, they start to shyly bring out the plushie more, feeling safe that you won't make fun of them. By the time the two of you leave the orphanage, they don't need the plush to sleep, but you two happily keep it by the bed still.

Kylar

They want to take a bath with you.

Hear me out, its partially not horny. But Kylar struggles with being completely naked due to trauma. This includes washing themselves and changing clothes. The reason they were first bullied was because they stopped changing clothes and stopped showering and its taken a lot of therapy for them to clean up as much as they have by the time they meet you. You might never know what happened to them, but they will show their utter trust in you if they ask you to bathe with them. Them leaning against your chest, almost fully submerged in the bubbles, happily letting you wash them. If they gain enough courage, they might start something naughty, but mostly if you two, the bubbles, snuggling and the rubber ducky bobbing past.

Alex

They prefer drinking to getting high but one night they do wanna get high with you. Just lie back and stare at the stars, feeling the world take one step to the left as you and Alex stay still.

Being high means that they aren't grounded, like they usually feel when they're drinking, it means that they're gently floating. One time Alex got high with their siblings and got so spooked they hid away and cried for ages. They liked it at first, but their trip turned bad. But there's no way their trip would turn sour if you're there, holding their hand and giggling your head off.

Avery

One day, Avery will pick you up for a date and take you back to their house instead of a fancy restaurant or a party. They will park in their drive way and sigh softly before looking at you.

"I need your eyes on only me tonight."

You protest that your eyes are always on them but they just give a small smile and get out. You follow them to the kitchen and they make a okayish meal, its nothing... Great. Just scrambled eggs and toast with some warmed up pre-cooked sausages, but just compliment it and they will kiss your temple.

They lead you to their room and just lie down, and hold you close as they sleep. They don't share what happened, but it must have been bad. They don't initiate sex but they press their nose into your neck and their hand against your stomach. They wish to hold you, for you to only be there for them, not the fancy surroundings for once.

Eden

Eden would capture a wolf pup for you. Will come home, covered in scratches, but if you ever wanted a dog, he'd be shuffling in, a tiny pup in his arms, sniffling at the air and yapping softly.

Now, don't get me wrong, Eden will say its up to you to look after them, but they will become that meme of the dad with the cat they didn't want. Makes a lil dog kennel for it, will make its food, will train it to heel and hunt and roll over.

Eden mainly wanted the pup for protection. It will grow up, strong and powerful, and it will protect their greatest treasure. They make sure that the wolfpup will shield you from anyone and anything if Eden can't.

Sydney

Their biggest want in life is to wake up and go downstairs and see you and Sirris chatting away, maybe making breakfast.

Sydney hasn't been able to have a stable home since their other parent passed away, and its been... Rough. Sirris has done well, but there's a reason they took refuge in the Temple, as it symbolized a second family for them.

But you came along.

So, even if Sydney either falls deeper into corruption, or stays pure, they wish for family outings, movie nights, cooking dinner all together. They want Sirris to adore you like another child, for you to wake up beside them and coo them awake. They want to hold your hand underneath the blanket, they wanna play footsie underneath the table at a restaurant as Sirris chats away about fun facts about the shrimp they just ordered. Sydney wants to take your hand, at the end of a fun night together, and have Sirris hug you both goodnight, before falling asleep, curled around each other.

Whitney

One day, they will pick you up in a rusted pick up truck, that their parents sneered at. One day, they will give you 10 minutes to grab your shit and put it in the back, maybe with a rucksack at your feet. One day, Whitney will be the one to drive away, and the only thing from this shit town they bring with them, is you.

Maybe its just a road trip, maybe its for life. Whitney can't see anyone else they would fight over space with in the backseat when trying to sleep. No one else to try to help them figure out the outdated map they stored in his desk from years ago, a promise to their future.

Whitney wants it all. The shitty coffee you two share, the way you two take turns to sleep. The uncomfortable sex in the backseat, the arguing, the make ups. The excitement of exploring a new life with no one but the only one who could actually love them beside them, their legs tucked underneath them in the front seat.

#hi #hope this is okay babe #am overstimulated but didnt wanna sleep before getting htis to u #ahhhh #lots of people talking to ink tonight #ink needs vodka and a nap #dol #quincewrites #murielsimp #robin the orphan #kylar the loner #sydney the fallen #sydney the faithful #eden the hunter #whitney the bully #alex the farmer #avery the businessperson #sfw #degrees of lewdity

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impala-dreamer · 7 months

Text

you wanna know who i am?

I'm the girl that wakes up every morning and spends her day doing for everyone else.

I'm the girl that crochets 15 new hat and scarf sets to give away for christmas every year and still wears a 10year old hat that's falling apart bc she didn't make one for herself.

I'm the girl that handwrites letters and sends them to friends just because, just to make them smile, expecting no response in return.

I'm the girl that spends hours and hours shopping for food and cooking meals that specifically cater to everyone else, even if she doesn't like what she's cooked herself.

I'm the girl that worries about putting out stories for everyone else, never writing what I really want, or putting novels aside because short stories need to come out fast or else!

I'm the girl who forgets to shower or brush her teeth, never puts makeup on, hasn't done her nails in four months because there's always dishes to be done, floors to sweep, toilets to scrub so everyone can come home to a clean house.

I'm the girl who is wearing 18 year old shirts from Old Navy that are pretty much see-thru because everyone else needs new clothes.

I'm the girl who hasn't had new glasses in almost five years and can barely see, because everyone else needs glasses first.

I'm the girl who does for everyone and asks Nothing for herself but to be loved a little bit, given a little attention, given a fucking hug now and then.

I'm the girl who you forget about so easily when I'm not in your sight-line.

I'm that girl.

#ranting #about me

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deathxwalkerxx · 2 years

Text

I’ll See You Again

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, sickness, murder.

Summary: You were in love once, then the love of your life disappears. Will you see her again, or is it too late?

part 1

A/N: I hope you’re all enjoying this story as much as I am!! Thank you all for reading it!!

It’s been months and still no word from your redhead. You didn’t know why you were expecting her to turn up, what did you expect she was doing with her life? You weren’t sure. So many thoughts were running through your mind, just like every other night. You couldn’t even remember when this whole thing started, this mess that you’ve gotten yourself into. You didn’t let anyone know what you got up to when you finished work, though you didn’t kill anyone, well maybe one person but that asshole deserved it, just like all the other assholes that you’ve come across, they deserved the pain that they were going to put on their victims. Maybe you thought she’d hear about it, and come to check to make sure you were okay. She always wanted to take care of you, that was what she told you, and so when you needed her the most, she wasn’t here at all.

Once again, while you were heading home, you heard screams in an alleyway, and once again you took off running, not wanting to give the person who was hurting the woman too much time to do any damage. Perhaps it was what you were going through, or what you’ve been through that had you shooting this guy down, and saving the woman who was then running off. You cleaned up after yourself, not wanting anyone to link this back to you. How you became good at this, you didn’t know. Not that you enjoyed killing people but maybe you could at least save people before your life ended so shortly. You got home, and hid the glock away then went and had a shower, while you were letting your meal heat up.

You didn’t think about what you did that night, just like every other night, you didn’t think about it. Your mind just went to her. Wondering what she was doing at this very moment, if she was settling down to eat herself. You wondered what type of food she would be eating, and if she would be enjoying it. Wondering if she was sitting down watching tv while she ate, if she had people with her, to enjoy some company with. You didn’t blame her for any of this. You could try to reach out to her, just ask around. Someone has to know her, right? Though you didn’t even know if she was even in the city, finding her would be a little more difficult than you thought. With a deep sigh, you listened to the microwave still cooking your food and went out onto your balcony to breathe in the night air. It always calmed you, the night skies. It was better than the day.

The day was loud and full of noise, but the night was full of peace and quiet, and someone was in your house, you could feel it. The glock was hidden, so you didn’t have a gun to fend yourself with, not to mention you never took defense classes, because you didn’t want people to see how bad you were at fighting. Yes, you were an idiot, but also. Things just took a turn and you couldn’t be bothered using your energy on protecting yourself. Not when you knew that your life was going to be moving on. Still, there was someone in your house, so what were you going to do? Maybe you could throw yourself off the balcony, and save the person in your home the struggle of killing you.

Or you could tell them they’re wasting their time, because you were sick, and life was making a joke out of you anyway. Still you wondered if they had noticed you yet, you heard the microwave beeping letting you know that your food was done. Another sigh was leaving your mouth, before you turned to head back inside. You paused in the dining room when you spotted that red hair in front of your microwave, watching her taking your food out and placing it on the counter, and that was when her eyes caught your own. “Wanda.” You breathe out to her now, as you get closer to the counter, to take a seat so you could eat your food. “Hey, you.” She whispers to you now, taking out two forks, she was leaning over the counter placing her fork into your food.

“What brings you to my little rundown place?” You ask, as your own fork was just playing with the food. Your appetite was leaving you, though you still did your best to eat, knowing you needed it if you wanted to keep the place that you were living in right now. “When I finally found you I had to come and see how you were doing.” Wanda asks, and you were nodding your head at her words, before moving to grab yourself a glass of water. “Well I’m living my best life.” You say to her and you could hear the deep sigh that Wanda was giving to you now, and you turned to look at her. “Why did you come here, Y/N?” She asks you now and you shrug your shoulders as you take a sip. “Wanted to get as far away from where I came from.” You admit to her, before you sat back down, watching Wanda eating the meal you hadn’t touched yet.

“I asked you to keep in contact with me.” She says and you were shaking your head at her now, taking a small bite out of the food. “I told you, you don’t have to keep looking after me, you’re not my mother.” You say to her, before you were dropping your fork, your stomach not wanting the food that you’d cooked. “You’re not hungry?” She asked you and you were shaking your head, pushing the meal toward Wanda now. “You have it. I’m going to bed.” You say as you move off your seat only for Wanda to grab you by the elbow. “She’s been asking about you.” Wanda says which has you whipping your head around to look at her. “You found her?” You ask and you watch as the woman nods her head.

“Well, she found me but that’s besides the point. I can hear her talking to herself at night. I can take you to her.” Wanda says and you just stood there staring at Wanda right now, really taking her in. Wanda didn’t attend the same school as you did. In fact she wasn’t even in the same country, it was only recently that you had found her company and yes you enjoyed it, but the way that she wanted to take care of you just made you want to distance yourself. It wasn’t anything personal against Wanda, it was just better for her. “No.” You found yourself saying, despite the fact that you really wanted to see her. “No?” Wanda asks, and you felt like with that one word that she knew more about things that she was letting on. “I don’t want her seeing me like this. Maybe when I have a bit more strength.” You mutter, as your hand was patting Wanda’s now, asking her to release you. “She’s going to find you, she’s good at what she does.”

Wanda says to you now, and you were sighing softly deciding Wanda wasn’t going to let you sleep any time soon, you moved into the living room sitting down on the couch as Wanda joined you. “You’ve got to stop what you’re doing.” Wanda says and it had you frowning at her while you tried to process her words. “What are you talking about?” You ask her, and you watch as she turns toward you now, her hands finding yours. “You know what I’m talking about, Y/N. You’re going to get yourself caught. Why are you doing it?” Wanda asks you, making you sigh. You were too tired to tell her to back off, too tired to argue with her, to tell her to mind her own business. “Because those jerks don’t deserve to live. Their victims don’t deserve to go through what they would put them through.” You tell her now, watching as she moved to grab your meds, and place them in front of you.

“You need to stop, and start to take care of yourself.” She says as she pushes the food closer to you. “They’re not going to find the bodies, Y/N. Because they’re not where you left them, and I’m not going to clean up your messes anymore, but I will be here to help you.” She says to you as you took a few bites out of the food that was now getting cold. “I didn’t ask you to clean up after me.” You admit to her now, as you look at her, slowly chewing on your food. “I know you didn’t, but I can’t have you being locked away. I can’t see you doing this to yourself, to those people.” She says to you, her hand gently covering yours. “Please. Don’t give up. You still have so many more years, sweetie.” God, she really did have a way with words, and you couldn’t help but sigh softly while listening to them, feeling your eyes burning while you thought over what she said.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I’ll take better care of myself.” You say to her, and you smile when you see that she is smiling also, seeing the way that those words made her feel better. “Good. Then you’re moving in with me.” She says which has your smile disappearing from your face, as you watched her move toward your bedroom, and it had you following her. “What? No. No, Wanda. I can’t. You live in the compound of those heroes, and I can’t.” You say as you watch her continuing to pack a bag for you. “No arguing, I need to be close to you, to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and this is the only way of doing that. I can’t be here all the time, and the longer you’re by yourself the more you’re not looking after yourself.” Wanda says as she moves toward the bathroom.

All of this just had your head spinning and you found yourself wobbly on your legs. You took a seat on the edge of the bed. This couldn’t be happening, most of your life you had been living here, doing your own thing, and sure it might not seem like you enjoy it, but you did. It was routine for you. Something for you to hold onto during all of this. “Are you going to tell me that I have to stop working also?” You ask as Wanda comes back into the room, and you watch as she nods her head, taking a seat beside you. “You need all the energy to fight this, Y/N/N. Working, and hurting those that deserve it, isn’t going to help you fight this. Being with me, I know I can help you with that. And the others that are living with me also. They’ll help. So let us help, let someone help you.” Wanda says, as she takes your hands in her own, giving them a squeeze, begging you to just let her help.

She didn’t like seeing you like this, when she first saw you, when she first noticed that you were sick, all Wanda wanted to do was help you. So that's what she was going to do right now, she was going to help you. She didn’t like seeing you like this, your place was always so dark, you never had any lights on in the place, it was like you were just hiding from everything and everyone. Like you were hiding from yourself. She watched as you moved off the bed, watching how slowly you moved toward your wardrobe, and brought out a box and placed it on the bed, watching you place that box in the bag. She wanted to ask you about it, but she didn’t want to push you. She wanted you to trust her, to open up on your own. “That’s all I need.” You say to her now, and she nodded her head, looking at your outfit you had on now. “Is that all the clothes you’re taking? Sweetie, I’m sure you have more clothes, right?” She asks you, which has you biting at your bottom lip.

“Talk to me, sweetie.” Wanda says as she drives through the rain now, her eyes staying on the road, but every now and again she would look to you. “Talk to you about what? I thought we discussed everything?” You ask her, your head still on the window, your eyes just watching the buildings passing by. “We have, but I’m not used to this type of quiet.” Wanda admits, giving out a weak chuckle to try and relieve the worry that she was feeling. “Sorry. I’m just not used to us spending all this time with you. Usually you come, watch me eat, watch me take my meds, and then you’d watch me go to bed.” You admit, with a weak shrug, your head rolling to the side so you could look at Wanda. “I’m just tired, you don’t need to worry about it.” You admit to her now, and it was the truth, you would be in bed right now, to wake up and do it all again tomorrow, but Wanda changed that plan. You did close your eyes now, and you were letting the ride put you to sleep.

You moved toward your dresser, bringing out two pairs of pants, and a few singlets, placing them in the bag. “That’s all.” You say, and Wanda nodded her head, before zipping up the bag, and moving out to the kitchen, to grab the medication that she had placed on the counter. You moved, toward one of the cabinets, so you could get the rest of the medication and you placed them in the bag also. “Um. No one is going to see me, right?” You ask her now, worried that they’d look at you weirdly, or not want you there at all.

“Probably, but it’s fine. I’ve talked to them about bringing you, and they’re fine, okay? They’re going to give you space.” She assures you and you move with her, toward the door that would take you both down to Wanda’s car. She places your bag in the back seat, and helps you get into the passenger side, before moving to the driver side. You weren’t up for talking, you barely talked anyway, so this wasn’t different for you. Wanda, on the other hand, was quite surprised at how quiet it was. Not because you weren’t talking, but you weren’t even thinking about anything either. It was like you completely shut down. Perhaps you were exhausted and that was why you were just completely shut down.

Wanda didn’t want to disturb you, but she smiled, as your dreams started to go through your mind, though that smile left when she realized who you were dreaming about. Natasha always plagued your mind, and Wanda wanted so badly to tell Natasha where you were, but you didn’t want that. Despite how much Wanda knew you wanted to talk to her again, she also knew that you would hope that Natasha was looking for you also. Wanda knew that Natasha was doing everything she could to find you, using all her resources. You just made it difficult for her to find you.

She pulled into the underground parking area, and turned off the car, she then gently woke you up, and helped you out of the car. You were pale and she knew that your pills were kicking in and that you needed to sleep. She wasted no time to get you upstairs, and into her room. She will figure out your room tomorrow on her floor, for now. She left your bag in the car, and once she knew you were sound asleep, she left to go down to the car to get it, only to be stopped by Natasha. “You knew where she was this whole time and you didn’t tell me?” Natasha asks Wanda, who looked back at her door and then back to the intimidating woman. “She didn’t want me to tell you. I asked her every time that I saw her, and she still didn’t want me to tell you.” Wanda says, before she was moving into the elevator with Natasha with her. “Do you know why?” Natasha asks, watching the way Wanda was shaking her head. “No. And maybe tomorrow you can ask her. For now, just let her sleep, Nat. She’s had a rough night.” And with that, Wanda left Natasha to get your bag.

She came back to her room, and she could feel the longing as you slept. Without thinking she stripped herself down and put herself in her own night clothes, crawled into bed, and held you close. She might not be the redhead that you wanted, but she was the redhead that you needed right now.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wandanat x reader

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kuekyuuq · 6 months

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Sims and Supercorp

...so I rediscovered Sims for me and created some Lena & Kara stand-ins (because I could not really make them look like them, gave them different names too).

Here's a list of things that they did and do, most of which I do not even force/control, simply based on the base traits I gave them from the start, again based on Kara and Lena individually.

Kara is a foodie but the very first time she cooked she caused a fire and now hates cooking.

naturally, this makes Lena the cook in their by now little household

Kara is super buff and a professional author 💪🖋️

Lena used to be more curvy and barely tolerated sports but ever since Kara keeps cheering her on when she's on the treadmill she's lost the trait and attitude a bit

Lena was a bit stand-off'ish at first when Kara tried to hit on her, but she was very much happy to flirt with Kara herself (it took just a handful of friendly to flirty interactions from Lena's side for her to start swooning for Kara and the "wanna be my woohoo buddy" option to show up)🤨 👀🥰

Lena is a tech-genius but as her position raised to a more CEO-like level she keeps coming home more and more often tense af

I takes EITHER a long relieving shower AND a boxing session to somewhat fix Lena's job based tenseness OR a simple hug by Kara (not even kidding!) 🤗❤️

Lena has whole two (2) social connections (Kara and some co-worker)

Kara's social list just keeps on growing...

Kara keeps inviting in strangers when I am not looking 🦋

she's even friends with the staff... 🍕🧹🙂

...Lena does give them generous tips, tho 💸

really, Lena only joins in on conversations with 3rd parties when Kara started them

...I had to limit Kara a bit from keeping to include strangers to their conversations while they were on dates! Geez! Focus on your woman, little social butterfly!

Most the time I just let them go and roam on their own, I find Kara and Lena holding hands and giving each other heart-eyes 😍😍

...to the point I have to separate them to take care of their needs so they/Lena can make it on time to work ✋🥲

While Kara is not a sloth, Lena is very tidy (and does not even get mad when she cleans after Kara)

Lena keeps wanting to talk about her fear of Death 💀

Kara keeps wanting to talk about her favorite foods 🤤

Kara is a total goofball.. and while Lena has very little humor for strangers, Kara keeps making her laugh/happy 😐😀

At first and still most of Kara's flirty interaction options are sweet gestures (hand holding, giving roses, reciting poetry), while Lena from very early on leaned towards more forward ones (sexy posing, seductive whispers, complimenting her appearance, invites to woohoo...) 💘😏

At this point, really whether I am controlling or they do it themselves, they get into flirty/lovey-dovey mood pretty much as soon as they talk.

I may cheer every time Lena gets a little late to work because she lingered (on her own) to wait for Kara to finish up whatever she's doing, just to give her a kiss or hug before rushing out... 🥹

Kara does get distracted a bit easier than Lena from what she's doing (unless she's writing ...or flirting with Lena)

Lena keeps seeking out the chess-board when unattended whereas when Kara is in the mood for logic-learning she defaults to the telescope

I am not sure if it's a bug, but Kara has this tendency to fall asleep after woohoo even when her stamina is still firmly in the green 🥰😴

I am not sure what is incidental due to my initial and very biased way of creating their characters, early actions and interactions I had them make, and which just is 'natural' development and progression...

...but it's a whole lot fun!

...is like watching a no-plot-fluff fic play out XD

(For anyone wondering, my stand-ins are called Kieran Walsh and Elle Yean - yeah, I thought myself clever with the second one XD )

#supercorp #sims 4 #silly things #just sharing #food for thought

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doberbutts · 2 years

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A week and a half on T:

Significantly reduced menses problems (which btw started over a week early less than a single week into T so there’s that to consider). Cramps significantly more controllable. Able to eat, digest, and poop which is more than I could ever say about anything. On the other hand cramps also lasted two days instead of one which I think is a ripoff, and the length of time I bled was also nearly doubled (always 3 days in the past, this time 5).

Voice doing a lot of weird shit- sometimes it’s normal and other times it’s deeper and other times it’s raspy. Harder to hit high notes but easier to maintain low notes when singing

HUNGRY. I wake up hungry and I am now hungry also for lunch and dinner. And sometimes snack after. It also means sometimes I eat and I’m hungry again like half an hour later. It’s not like a gnawing hunger but it is very present and kind of annoying. High protein snacks are the way to go.

Facial hair on cheeks still patchy and light. Facial hair on lip somewhat darker and longer??? I’ve always sort of wanted a soul patch with a little on the chin as well, which I knooooooooow is a Douchebag Style nowadays but also it makes me very grumpy that yet another Black Thing got co-opted by white people who now have decided it’s bad as that style started in the jazz community (which is why I like it, having grown up with my jazz-loving black dad and black friend of family) which was dominated by black people and now I’m off on a tangent

STINKY. Whewf my deodorant ain’t doing the 48 hour thing it claims to anymore. I’m applying twice a day and still catching a whiff every now and then. I don’t need to shower more because I’m using testosterone gel and am worried about gel transference, I need to shower more because I smell bad lmao

Speaking of smell, while it is... strong... there’s almost a pleasantness to it? My rural roots attribute part of that scent to men who work and labor all day, usually farming or hunting or woodworking or building etc. Smelly, but also kinda nice. I’ve always been of two minds about it when smelling it on partners after, ahem, vigorous activities, because on one hand. Stinky. But on the other hand. Good Scent. Is this what the musk fandom is always on about?

Muscles??? Noticeable muscles??? Not beefcake yet but my Arms Are Thicker. I was able to lift a 45lb bag of dog food for Sushi with little issue where I used to struggle before. I was able to lift Sushi off the ground, something I haven’t been able to do since she got over 85lbs (she’s 99.5 currently), without hurting or straining my back. She jumped into my arms like Creed used to and I caught her on reflex and held her midair and was like wait............. you don’t feel as heavy as you used to did you lose weight?????? And then I weighed her at work and nope she’s still hovering around 100lbs I can just carry that now apparently.

IDK if this is bottom growth necessarily but Stimulation Always is now somewhat of a problem. I’m thinking I will need to buy a new packer soon since my other one finally broke and the sensation of wearing my underwear has been, um, a lot. The prosthetic I buy sort of... cups everything, as it’s made specifically for trans guys with significant bottom growth or metoidioplasty, and that should help prevent unwanted Sensation when I’m trying to not be horny on main.

IDK also if I’m thinking horny thoughts more often but I’m definitely more affected by horny thoughts more often.

Speaking of Sushi she’s been all over me recently but I think she’s about to go into heat and she does turn absurdly affectionate when in heat so jury’s out on whether it’s my hormones or hers making her weird.

More stamina? My body still aches and is sore when I do too much but I worked in my backyard for like three hours yesterday immediately coming off of an 8 mile hike and then cooked and cleaned and was only slightly tired by the end of it. Sore, yes. But not tired.

Better poop??? Is this diet related since I’m eating more often or is this testosterone who knows but I’m appreciating not shitting my brains out all the time because my stomach decided to throw a temper tantrum about one of my meals.

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alwritey-aphrodite · 2 years

Text

What Love Is

Chapter 7 of You Are In Love

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Pairing: modern!Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: can you tell how I feel about kitchens?

When you blink awake, the sun is already high in the sky. You yawn, stretching like a cat, and think over what happened last night, early into the morning.

You and Poe had sat there on the blanket, well past 1 AM, with your shoulders touching and nothing else. Once, you felt his hand shift, as if he was reaching for yours, but then he settled again. Once you’d both yawned no less than five times, you decided it was time to turn in for the night.

As soon as your head hit the pillow, you were fast asleep. And now, you’re being pulled from your bed by the food you can smell from the kitchen. You make your way downstairs, pulled towards the kitchen by the scent of the pancakes.

Finn and Rey sit at the island, coffee cups in hand, looking rumpled from sleep. Rose is the one cooking the pancakes, and the first to shoot a cheerful “good morning” your way. She’s always been a morning person.

That’s one of the reasons why you always loved working those early morning shifts with her. She was always so energetic, so happy just to be alive, that it was impossible not to have a good time with her, even though the sun wasn’t even up.

And when you see Poe, he almost takes your breath away.

His curls are all sort of tousled, sticking up at endearingly odd angles and falling into his eyes. He’s wearing a soft looking t-shirt and pajama pants that sit low in his hips, giving you a generous view of his lower stomach as he stretches his arms above his head with a yawn.

You almost want to avert your eyes, because you’re not completely sure if you can control yourself around him if he’s looking all sleepy and adorable.

So much for the promise you made yourself.

You make your way over to the stool you’d been occupying during meals, smiling your thanks when Finn slides you a cup of coffee, doctored up just the way you like it. Poe is standing on the other side of you, leaning against the counter like a goddamn model. Has he always smelt this good?

He smells fresh and comforting, like rain and bonfires and clean laundry. You resist the urge to stick your face into the junction of his neck and shoulders, and chalk it up to your brain still waking up, not the way your heart falters whenever you see that sleepy little smile grace his features.

You need to get a grip: both on the yearning and on the part of your brain that’s scolding you for your every thought. It’s not like you’re dreaming about him sticking his tongue down your throat or leaving marks on your thighs. You just want to give him a kiss on that perfect nose of his and tessellate yourself around him, koala-style.

It’s really just a crush, and you still aren’t quite sure why you’re acting this way. Maybe it’s because he’s one of the first friends you’ve made in a while and you can’t picture your life without him now. Or maybe it’s because Finn planted that little ‘he totally loves you’ seed in your brains and now you’re overthinking every single interaction you and Poe have.

You resist the urge to shoot Finn an angry glare, because he’s not the one to blame for your pining, and instead just sip your coffee and listen in on the quiet conversations that fill the small space.

Rose finishes with the pancakes, making a sizable stack on each plate before she hands them off and the five of you start eating. You’ve always known that Rose was a talented baker from all your shifts together at Maz’s, but that clearly rolls over into cooking too. All of the pancakes are perfectly round and perfectly golden, and you’re convinced she’s some sort of kitchen wizard.

Breakfast is a leisurely affair, as you all eat and talk over your plans for the rest of the day. Then, slowly, your friends filter out of the kitchen, returning to their rooms to shower and get ready for the day, leaving only you and Poe in the kitchen.

You briefly wonder if he plans these little moments, choosing to stay back because he knows you will and he craves this time as much as you do, but you dismiss that thought as quickly as it comes.

“Dishes?” He asks, and holy hell, that soft, gravely voice of his should be illegal. You’ve never heard a better sound.

“I’ll wash, you dry?”

“No, I’ll wash.”

“But you did yesterday.”

“Exactly,” he says, smiling at you, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.”

You shake your head at him to hide your smile, and make your way towards the sink on the other side of the kitchen island. You settle yourself into the little corner as Poe gathers the remainders of the dishes from the counter.

Just like yesterday, the two of you make the task ten times longer with all of your easy-flowing conversations. You don’t let yourself dwell on how lovely and domestic it feels: the both of you in your pajamas, doing a household chore, talking about practically nothing.

You don’t even realize that the two of you have been standing there, crowded against the sink, for far longer than it would reasonably take to do the meager dishes until Rey walks into the kitchen to start packing the snacks and drinks for the beach.

A bit awkwardly, you slip out of the kitchen and hurry up to your room, where you rush through getting ready to meet up with your friends back in the kitchen. Before you do, you take a deep breath, trying to calm the hell down and hoping that no one catches on to your little crush, especially not Poe.

You’re calling it a crush because it feels indecent to say: I desperately want to spend the rest of my life with this person who is one of my best friends and every single time I interact with him it feels like my heart is going to implode.

So you settle on a crush.

Thankfully, no one makes any comments about how long it took for you to do the dishes, no winks or raised eyebrows or teasing grins.

You gather up the towels, and make your way towards the beach, and set yourselves up in the same spot you were in yesterday. And, luckily, just like yesterday, the beach is practically empty with the exception of your group.

The entire morning is spent playing around and having fun with your friends, and the majority of that time is spent on the water, floating and splashing around. You don’t even realize how much time is passing, too distracted by all of your laughing.

You can’t remember a time when you’ve felt so light, so happy, in a way that you can’t possibly articulate. You can’t describe how even being near them makes you fill with a warmth that could only be described as pure joy and safety, but even that doesn’t reach the depth of your feelings.

They’re your home.

And you can’t figure out a single way to tell them that, to let them know just how much they mean to you. So, instead, you smile a little wider and laugh a little harder, and vow to hug them a little tighter.

When noon approaches, you step out of the water to lay out in the sun and dry off before you head back to the house for lunch.

After you all decide that you’re dry enough, you gather up all of your things and begin the trek back to the house, where you settle into your spot at the kitchen island. There’s yelling and teasing when Rose announces that she’s heating up a frozen pizza, and you couldn’t be happier.

There’s always so much life when you’re with the group, so much affection you can almost feel it, as if it’s a tangible thing. It seeps into every teasing yell and every serious conversation, every hug and silent moment.

You wonder, then, if that’s what Poe feels for you. Love, but not in the romantic sense. In the way that you feel whenever you share a smile with Finn or work a shift when Rose, whenever Rey goes out of her way to bring you something special when you feel down.

You love them like your family, but that is not the way you love Poe, if you can even call it love.

It’s a slow, simmering thing that lives and builds in the depths of you. It flutters to life in the moments you steal, in diners or near kitchen sinks or on beaches past midnight. It’s the desire to spend the rest of your life wrapped safely in his arms.

And you’re terrified that that’s not the way he feels about you. That he doesn’t get that flutter in his stomach whenever he sees you, that he isn’t fighting the urge to kiss you whenever you smile or laugh. That he loves you the same way he loves Finn and Rey and Rose.

Which is a gift itself. To have someone like Poe Dameron love you at all, especially to have him love you like family? You’re not sure how you got so lucky.

And you fear that’s the extent of your luck, and you fear that you want him to love you differently.

After you finish eating, the cooler gets refilled with snacks and drinks and the five of you head back to the beach to spend the rest of the afternoon the same way you spent the morning.

By the time dinner rolls around, you’re ready for a nap: you’ve spent practically all day in the sun, laughing and letting loose with your friends.

All of you head to your own rooms, to shower and spend some time alone and out of the sun. In the bathroom, you peel off your still-damp suit before getting in the shower, luxuriating in the cool water that seems to bring your body temperature back to normal levels after all day outside.

Afterwards, you change into some comfy clothes, deciding that you were done being outside for the day. As much as you loved it, you really wanted to enjoy this vacation, and you couldn’t do that if you felt pressured to spend every single moment living it up.

But, when you head downstairs, it’s clear that everyone else had the same idea.

All of your friends are dressed in their coziest, weather appropriate clothes, and Rose is putting together a tray of snacks.

“We decided on a movie night, if that’s ok with you?” Rey asks from where she’s leaving against the countertop, reaching over to attempt to steal food and faking shock when Rose gently bats her hand away.

“That sounds perfect.” With that, the five of you head to the living room, and you help Rose haul all of the snacks, even making a second trip to make sure nothing gets spilled or dropped.

When you return, there are only two open seats: one right next to Rey and one right next to Poe. Finn had taken the large chair, and looked all too smug about it. You narrow your eyes at him, with a meaning only he knows, before seating yourself next to Poe.

Despite the fact that you felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest, you really had a great night. The movie marathon started with a mindless comedy, giving you all the opportunity to joke and talk without worrying about missing plot points, and then progressed onto childhood favorites, movies with low production value but high nostalgia factor.

You must have fallen asleep, because you come to with your head on Poe’s shoulder and your legs stretched out onto what should be Rey’s body.

“Where’d everyone go?” You ask sleepily, reluctantly pulling away from Poe and his warm body.

“They all went to bed.” Even with the faint light coming through the windows, you can see that he has that soft little smile on his face again.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

“It’s alright, really.”

“You should have just woken me up or pushed me off.”

“You looked all peaceful and comfortable, I couldn’t do that to you.”

And you were.

That was probably the best sleep you’ve had in months, and Poe’s shoulders were surprisingly comfortable. If it were up to you, you would stay on the couch and sleep with your head resting on his shoulder all night. And Poe would probably let you.

But, you would never actually do that, so you stand and stretch and yawn, regrettably making your way to your own bed.

“Goodnight, Poe. Thanks for letting me nap on you.”

“Anytime.”

If he was serious, you would absolutely take him up on that offer.

Still, you make your way to your room and all but collapse onto the bed, barely pulling up the covers before you’re asleep.

——

The rest of the trip passes much like the first two days: you spend most of your day on the beach, swimming and playing around on the sand, only going back to the house for meals. Sometimes, you’d stay in and play board games or watch a movie after dinner, and sometimes you’d hear back outside for a fire and stargazing.

And, by the end of the week, you have a nice little collection of water colors. You have plenty of the lake, and a few of the kitchen, and tons of your smiling friends. You even woke up early one morning to paint the sunset, and it was so beautiful you wished you did it more.

On the morning of the last day, you all decided to switch it up a little.

You all got dressed, and headed into the little town to grab breakfast at the local diner, a family restaurant that’s been open for over 50 years. It’s small, and painted a bright, happy yellow. You imagine it would be packed on the weekends, with tourists and locals alike.

“These might give those other pancakes a run for their money,” you say to Poe, shoving the last bit of your meal onto your fork. He sends a wink your way, and Finn has that smug look on his face again. You simply roll your eyes, and savor your last bite of food.

After you’ve all finished your breakfast and sat and talked for a while, you decide to take a walk through the town. The whole place feels oddly nostalgic, even though you’ve never been before. It feels homey and safe, and you wonder how much of that feeling is due to your company.

You spend the morning leisurely walking and wandering through the small shops. It’s an interesting little town, and you almost wish you had spent more time there. But, you were just as happy with all of the time you spent at the lake.

By the time you return to the house, it’s deep into the afternoon and far past lunch time. So, you quickly whip together some sandwiches, taking everyone’s preferences into account.

You all decide to eat on the back porch, soaking up as much time outside as possible. Afterwards, you change and head down to the lake one more time, trying to get as much as possible out of your last day.

As you try to avoid getting splashed by Finn, you can’t help but think about how lucky you are to be surrounded by people who love you and who love being with you. You’ve never really had a place to belong before, but now you have four amazing people who you know would do anything for you.

If you think about it too much, it’s practically impossible not to get emotional, so instead you change your focus to enjoying your last few hours here and getting Finn back for how much he’s splashed you this past week.

As much as you all wish you could stay outside forever, you have to start packing up, planning on making the drive back home after dinner. You take as much time as possible drying off, laying in the sun and soaking up the last bits of your vacation, before trudging back to the house to shower and get ready to leave.

In your mind, nothing is as nice as a vacation shower, after you’ve spent all day in the sun, spending time with your favorite people. Still, reluctantly, you need to dry off and start repacking, despite how much you wish you could stand under that stream of water forever.

Really, you want to stay in that house forever, with your friends and an endless summer mindset. You don’t want to go back home to your lonely apartment or go back to work, to have to deal with all of the problems of real life again. Mostly, you don’t want to go back to seeing your friends only once or twice a week, when you’ve grown accustomed to them being the first and last thing you see every day.

So, you take as long as possible packing up your things, trying to prolong your peaceful fantasy. But, all good things must come to an end, and even with all of your procrastinating, your bags are in the living room within an hour.

And, surprisingly, you’re the first one packed. You imagine, or hope, that your friends are having the same dilemma you are, trying to stretch out these last hours as much as possible.

You use your extra time to make dinner using up all of the leftovers and fresh food that you have, to try and reduce your waste as much as possible. While that cooks, you empty out the pantry and divide the remaining snacks between the five of you, something to keep you all from getting too cranky on the ride home.

Poe is the first one down, and slides himself into his usual counter spot after placing his bags next to yours. Finn follows almost immediately after him, with Rey and Rose coming down a little while later. All that matters is that dinner is still warm.

Despite how you wish to slow it down, time moves on and your departure gets closer and closer.

“We should do this again soon,” you say as you all do a final sweep of the house and the backyard for any items you missed early, and it’s a little embarrassing how much you hope they’ll agree.

“Definitely,” Rose responds, squeezing your hand briefly and shooting you a knowing smile that seems to lift a weight off of your shoulders, especially when the rest of the group agrees.

You all pile back into the car, returning to the same spots you occupied on your drive down. This time, however, everyone is much more talkative, and you watch as the sky fades from a vibrant blue to red and orange and pink before settling as a deep navy.

There’s music playing softly on the radio, and the sounds of your friends’ laughter fills the car and your heart. If you could freeze one moment in time forever, you would choose this one. You’re carefree and full of life in a way you’ve never felt before.

As much as you're disappointed about leaving your vacation behind, you don’t feel nearly as sad as you thought you would. That’s practically impossible to do when you’re surrounded by the people you love most, their happiness infectious.

The drive goes by much quicker than you’d like, and soon Finn is parking outside of your apartment and you’re shouting your goodbyes to everyone except Poe. He slipped out of the car and insisted on helping you bring your bags up, and you’re so eager to spend more time in the presence of your friends that you accept.

“Thanks for inviting me to come along, I had a lot of fun,” you say when you make it to your door, key in hand.

“I’m glad you could make it,” he says and smiles in a way that leaves you breathless, “I had a lot of fun too.”

You feel bashful, in the same way you felt talking to your crush in first grade. It’s a juvenile, childish feeling, but there’s a part of you that loves it, that revels in this feeling that reminds you of simpler times.

“Well, I shouldn’t keep them waiting,” he says, but he looks like he’d be content standing in front of your door all night.

“Thanks for helping me with my bags.”

“No problem.”

You’re not sure what prompted you, but next thing you knew you had placed a soft, quick kiss to Poe’s cheek, leaving him looking slightly stunned.

“Goodnight, Poe.” You don’t wait for a response, unlocking your door and hauling your bags inside as quickly as possible. You don’t hear him respond through the door.

Tags: @aellynera @disabledameron @dailyreverie @stevenngrant @creatively-analytical @poopirate @luckynachos @tiquinntheghost @ghostsongwriter-22 @fallinallinmendes @sabxism

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron fanfic #poe dameron au #modern!poe dameron #modern!poe dameron x reader #star wars fanfiction #you are in love series

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itwasthisorthemilitary · 2 months

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March 9, 2024

Today was our first real free Saturday. Most of us went into Chorrera, which is the province capital for Panama Oeste. The city is mostly commercial spaces and not my most favorite place but it was really nice to get out of the community and have absolutely no agenda for the day.

Every person I asked had some thing that they were hoping to buy (mine was an extra towel) and by the end of the day I'm pretty sure everyone got exactly what they were looking for.

Greek food for lunch was a major plus and I gotta say I was impressed by how good the tzakiki was. (Also impressed by 2 for 1 Sangria). Also went to a book store and I bought Peter Pan in Spanish so I am super excited to get into that soon.

The city was HOT and I'm so unimaginably sticky. I don't know what it's like to feel clean anymore.

We all got back to the community this evening and my family is out somewhere (idk where) so my mom texted me and told me to look in the fridge for food and y'all I am SO excited that I got to cook dinner for myself. Not only did I get to serve myself exactly how much I wanted, but now when my mom gets home she won't feel like she needs to drop everything to make me dinner so late. Feels so successful to bridge that gap of cooking something for myself. But also they still aren't home so Carlo and I sat with my neighbor, Maria, and chatted with her over duros (homemade popsicles). Maria is really cool and one of my favorite people, she's my host grandmother/neighbor and she always fills me in on the gossip. It would be considered weird/odd of me to sit at my house alone on a Saturday night even though I'd really just love to shower I'm going to go play cards at Audrey and Ahmets.

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tigre-edi-rawr · 7 months

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October 2023: Life Update

[Lifestyle] All I do is work, eat and sleep. If I have extra time to spend, that would go into cleaning the house a little or watching series until I fall asleep. I don't have the privilege now to eat good food everyday, I remember eating instant noodles and canned goods every single day (still experiencing now). I would eat fast food once as a reward, then go back to eating instant noodles and canned goods because that's what's convenient and what I can afford until the next payroll. Sometimes, I don't even want to eat, it's like I'm not longing for it, I could just drink water and be hungry until I feel weak and falls asleep. I sleep in an old sofa foam placed in a cold floor, every day my back hurts, I feel chilly and uncomfortable. I think my body is just not used to not having comfortable things in her life. My parents really spoiled me in life, gave me things so my everyday life was comfortable.

But I think, my state is now improving, I am financially being okay. Hopefully, I can afford a new comfortable bed with many pillows and a soft blanket. And a refrigerator, so I could stock food and just grab then cook. I could eat well! If I eat well that means I'm taking good care of myself, right?

[Relationship] Hmmmmm. Having difficulties with this one right here. I used to laugh when people say "Saka mo lang makikilala ang isang tao kapag kasama mo na talaga sa bahay." Don't get me wrong, I believed it when I was younger but never thought this is so fucked up when you're actually in the situation. And it really hits now. It's fucking real. Tbh, wouldn't dare to say I'm all healthy and fun to be with but right now.... The realest I could say is that this is not what I hoped for, not what I longed for, not what I dreamed of. I don't want someone to change so that we could work, I learned that "Kung hindi kayo swak, hindi kayo swak." even if that special someone change, it's not the same when someone really fits in your life, it would not feel like everything is working and acceptable. I just want everything to be easy, like how puzzle pieces fit in a board. My life is too much right now, to be stressed in my love life too. I don't have the capacity to cater the misery. I just want peace of mind, home, comfort, someone who will love me the way how I wanted to be loved, my all-or-nothing, my ride-or-die, the yin in my yang. Life is a fucking roller coaster itself, why want a relationship like one also?

I would love to have someone who I don't have to struggle translating myself with, I want someone who really knows me, the things I want, I need and deserve. I don't want to be the "guy" in the relationship. I want to be the baby. I'm busy trying my best to be mature in life but in relationship, I want to be the immature one, the one who always need to be cuddled and showered with love because someone thinks that's what I deserve. Someone who will be afraid to make me feel tired, hungry, or give me something to overthink about, because that someone already know I have too much burden to add more up. Someone who will make every thing he can possibly make lighter to help me lift this heavy life. I want someone who reads my soul. I want a man, someone who will take care of me. Not someone I should mold so that I could have the man I wished for. For once, I wish to have a man that is already molded, what I wished for. I'm no therapist, not a place to teach boys how to act and love. I'm so done with this bullshit. For once, I want to be the one who will be told how to act, be mature and be healthy in a relationship. To fix me... fuck, if someone could do that, hands down to that man already. This bitch ain't easy.

[Work] I am always proud of myself for not being dumb, you know? I learn fast, my intellectual capacity is something I boast off. I really like talking to intelligent people because it felt like the vibe is reciprocated, you know. Like for real, not to be a jerk. Worth my fucking time. But anyways, at work, I'm still an idiot. Don't mind me boasting since I am bobo right now, still learning and a beginner. But so far, by the comments given to me, I feel like I am exceling and coping good enough. I hope I will end this year at work with my sane self.

Enough na sana with workmates na Jollibee huhu, I can't even. Especially those who work too much to be recognized and takes credit then you will look like a tae lang na nakastay lang kasi walang dulot. Intellectual property is a critical issue. I'd rather work alone than work with toxic and unprofessional people, my patience can't even.

[Mental Health] This bitch is always on a mood swing. The instant change of physical/mental strength, mood, personality, walang makasabay sa agos ng utak ko pota. Anyway, my PCOS is the biggest contributor of this dilemma, couldn't choose to be nice for the better or to be fucking real and act/speak as I would please. The emotion burst, the instant cravings, the bloating, the constant "walang gana" phase. Tapon ko na sarili ko? Not very helpful for someone who is also a perfectionist, ga-hibla na nga lang pasensya ko, mas numinipis kapag wala ako sa mood tapos tanga yung kausap ko.

But I must say, I am at my most peaceful self right now that I am away from all noise. Mostly, I am alone, so I could only hear myself, which is sometimes also irritating but yeah, things are a lot better for my mental health. I can always blame myself only for all the hardships I'm having, the biggest relief. I am responsible for everything that is happening around me and inside me. A little easy to digest and solve since it's easier to forgive myself than other people if they destroyed or hurt me :)

I have a lot more to say, but I'm exhausted already. Bye.

#life #2023

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amive2567 · 1 year

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I just finished reading your other match ups and oh my gosh i love your style so much! my names Rachael (she/her) straight, and I'd like MHA please:) i love collecting books and being alone when it doesn't feel lonely. I'm an introvert, love cozy foods and being warm like sunbathing or warm blankets. I work out way too much and tend to over work and over think and I'm always in my head. I'm about 5'8 and have long brown hair and light brown almost orange eyes. I'm so excited I've never done this

A/n: Actually the match ups were already closed, but because of your nice message i couldn't bring myself not to do your match up. Have a nice day/evening/night <3

P.s: I haven't re-read it so maybe they are some errors.

Why?:

You both help each other when one is overthinking

He will cook you your comfort food every time you need it

Even if he's an extrovert himself, he understands why you need to be alone from time to time but never lets you feel lonely

Your small story:

The sweat was dripping down your forehead, and your muscles began to ache long ago, but you couldn't get yourself to stop. "Oi, brat, stop overworking yourself," called Katsuki from the kitchen. You couldn't hear him because of your loud music. "Brat?" he shouted once again. Still no answer. He stood up and walked towards the living room. There you were, still continuing your workout. Without warning, he took off your headphones. You turned around, startled by his action. "What are you doing? I was completely focused." you pouted and made grabby hands, to get your headphones back. "You are enough focused. Working out for an hour and a half won't help you. It's enough." Your eyes widened. "Is it that late already?" you questioned, more yourself than him. "Yes, go take a quick shower, your food will get cold."

You cleaned up your sports mat and stowed away your handles. As fast as you could you cleaned up your sweating and hurting body. After quickly drying your hair and throwing on some new pair of clothes you walked down the hallway into the dining room. "Alright, I am ready. Sorry for forgetting the time," you said as you entered the room. "Don't be," he mumbled and you took the seat in front of him. "Is something on your mind lately? You've been so obsessed with working out, that you always forget about important stuff." He picked up his chopsticks and mumbled a quick "Itadakimasu" YOu grew silent now, all the energy was drained from you as you thought about all the stress from work you've been hiding from. The feeling of not being enough crosses your mind multiple times. "It's just a bit stressful at work," you confessed, more hesitantly than usual. Katsuki quirked up an eyebrow and looked at you in disbelief. He slurped his noodles, and as he was finished he simply shook his head. "Tell me the truth. You are overthinking again, aren't you?"

After a while of thinking if you should tell him you nodded your head. "I won't push you to say anything that is on your mind, but remember the voices inside your head aren't the most reliable source. You will be okay, and these problems will disappear. Remember it will be alright." His demeanor turned softer as he said those words. They melted your heart. "Thank you, I needed to hear that." you sniffed and also began to slurp your noodles. You knew you could always count on him, even if it sometimes didn't seem like it.

Your special surprise:

A short playlist: Your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou

#300 follower event #300 followers #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader

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medusaveneno · 1 year

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✨Trending things/topics on tik tok and my opinion on them✨ lol I’m bored at 1 am and I’m scrolling through tik tok

Hair oiling ( Mielle rosemary oil amla oil ) ~ Every hair texture and especially bleached / colored , chemically damage and heat damage can benefit to hair oiling now it depend of your hair type and the porosity on which or what kind of oil you should use. Mielle oil isn’t the only oil good for your hair and for ppl complaining about it , it’s simply not meant for you. Amla oil is great too but if you don’t like the smell don’t make it trendy and keep your comments to yourself.

Zote soap /dial soap- it’s soap 😐 not that serious to sell out soap

Henna on hair ~ great to use 👌 and very beneficial✅ of used right if you 1000% sure you are never going dye or bleach your hair ( well until it grow out and you cut it off)

Any food sold from a tik tok ( pink sauce sold in Walmart ) ~ STOP BUYING FOOD FROM TIK TOK and the pink sauce still has its inconsistent coloring 🤢

Tj max , Burlington, Marshall, Ross , etc ~ Y’all are annoying stop shopping there if you can afford or you often buy from regular stores

Chrisean rock is preggors ~ 😳😭 buenoo , good luck

Yt ppl renaming ethnic foods~ 💀😂😭 Google is free bro

Oil pulling- I’ll try it one day 🤷‍♀️ idk tho do feel like holistic remedies can be beneficial

Jenna Ortega - great actress 🥰

Shea butter- love it 💕y’all should mango butter I personally mix it with lotion right out the shower

Shakira new song - love it 😘🤌

Miley’s new song ~ love it too 😘🤌

Bashing scar girl (iykyk)~ WHO GIVES A FUCK??? Like we know let her be

Grwm~ yo I use love grwm when I was younger still do but it use be so chill and relatable. recently out of nowhere some 13 young girl popped in my fyp doing a grwm and omg this younger generation either A) grew up rich or middle class B) being young and relatable has changed and now it’s being 13 about to afford expensive skincare and products / tools.

Soccer players ~ we all know they are attractive we get it

BFFR ~ BE FUCKING FOR REAL

Period (miss use of aave)~ it’s so cringe when ppl do this lmaoo funny how aave is trendy but looked in a negative connotation of a black person uses it.

Bad bunny throwing phones ~ Omg 😳 in my opinion he doesn’t like being treated at a celebrity and or wants to be respect don’t just go up ppl with your phone in their face ask first

Yt ppl learning how to bath properly~ BFFR

Nurses having mental breakdown ( I think that’s just my fyp tho) ~ the health care system in America suck ass and not only is it hard for patients but the workers

gentrification in nyc ~ bro it’s called the city that don’t sleep for a reason you can’t just complain about every noise you hear move out it’s not as romanticize as you think it is

Gentrification in PR 🇵🇷 : GET OUT GRINGOS 🤬

Yt ppl taking random ethnic goods : it’s giving Christopher Columbus pt 2

Realistic food candle wax : please stop I’m begging 🧎‍♀️

Benito with that Arizona girl ~ lmaooo good for her Irdc

Anything pregnant and newborn - I’m so scared … terrified even

Fear of aging ~ idk as 23 I’m stuck in between.

Ice spice ~ 🔥🔥 love her

Brad mondo/ butterfly cut ~ give okay tips there’s so many hairstylist better then him btw the butterfly cut is a lot similar to the unicorn cut that manes by Mel made

Cleaning tik tok ~ so satisfying

Cooking tiktok ~🥰😘🤌

#tik tok trends ✨#text post

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christinaroseandrews · 2 years

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An Essay: It’s okay to not be okay...

It’s okay to not be okay...

This is the mantra I’ve had to whisper to myself over the past year. Because this year? It’s not been okay. I’ve not been okay. I’ve had cancer... three different, unrelated kinds. I’m about to go in for radiation therapy because one of the cancers is what they call invasive. I’ve got a friend who has stage four cancer. I’ve been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, diabetes, PCoS, and endometriosis all from these cancers being discovered. Other than the diabetes, these are all diseases that I’ve suspected I’ve had... asked to be tested for... and was ignored over and over and simply told to just lose weight. This is medical gaslighting.

And it’s not okay.

There’s a certain kind of relief to be validated now. I was right; I knew my body. But under it all is anger: a deep searing anger that gnaws away at my brain and makes me want to scream and cry. Or both. Often both. And that anger--that rage--takes time to process, to work through my system so I can function on the other end. Because I am not functioning now. Above all, rage--like a flame--takes fuel to burn. It doesn’t discriminate between good fuel and bad fuel; fuel is fuel. Rage burns it all, consumes it all, destroys it all. So when the rage sputters to a halt, all that is left in the wake is exhaustion. A deep abiding exhaustion. The kind that takes months and years to heal.

And that’s okay.

I am exhausted. I’ve had to power through medical abuse, gaslighting, and ignorance on top of my illnesses. I’ve had to advocate and fight even as those who should be helping me were siding with my abusers and not listening. I’ve discovered that the supports I’ve long relied upon do not exist or aren’t as stable as I would like. And I’ve had to keep going, keep working and doing emotional labor when I don’t have ability. It’s hard making decisions. It’s hard to be decisive... and even though I am a take charge person, I don’t want to have to make all of the decisions in addition to fight my illnesses. It feels like I’m both the general and the private who has been in an over year-long battle that hasn’t ended. And it’s not like I was at full strength a year ago. I am disabled. I have several other chronic illnesses and conditions. I live in constant pain. It’s exhausting, and I am so very very exhausted.

And that’s not okay.

This exhaustion is both physical and mental and emotional. At times I am numb. But mostly I am tired. Fatigued. A bone-deep fatigue that leaves me with not even enough energy to care for my most basic of needs. Showers? What are those? Home-cooked meals? Ha! (Adding to this is that I am very food restricted so standard “easy” meals don’t help in the long term and actually cause serious harm) Cleaning? Are you kidding?! Sitting upright is hard. Reading is hard. Writing is impossible. And editing... how I make my money to live? Yeah... not happening. I’m just triaging. Every day I am triaging... making decisions about what I can and cannot do. What is most important and what I can let fall to the wayside. I sleep so much, and yes, I am healing from 6 different surgeries over 6 months. But we as a society both understand that people need time to heal but at the same point do not afford people that time or resources to heal. A week is not enough. A month is better. More would be best.

Because I am still not okay.

I have to remind myself that I cannot compare myself to others. People who I deem as having it worse who can get more done than I can. I can’t know their full situation. And I am not them. The comparison doesn’t help. And it doesn’t help when others compare me to them. Each person is different. Each has their own struggles. But because each person is different, what one person can shoulder is another person’s unbearable weight and still yet another person’s feather. But in the end, that weight is still weight. It doesn’t matter if it’s a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers; a ton is a ton, and both can crush someone.

So yeah. I’m not okay. And that’s okay.

Many of my friends are not okay, and that’s okay.

It has to be okay.

It’s been a hard.... Year? Decade? Generation? Age? Millennia? It’s been hard. We all agree that, right? It’s been hard. This isn’t the misery olympics. No one gets a medal for having the shittiest life. And this isn’t a competition anyone wants to win.

So I tell myself, it’s okay to not be okay. And I take one more step to hopefully, someday, finally being a little bit more okay.

#essay #personal essay #cancer mention #mental health #medical gaslighting #long post #wall of text #so much text #it's okay to not be okay #I'm screaming into the void here #I don't expect the void to scream back #it's days like today when I miss LiveJournal #and before anyone asks #yes I have a therapist #they're on sabbatical until January #I may take this down later

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roebeanstalk · 1 year

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a note to me and whoever

I need to be honest. With you, with those around me, and with myself.

I have a heavy habit of avoiding the things that scare me. The problem is, everything scares me, except a thing or two at a time, and those things change very regularly. Some days, art doesn’t scare me. Sometimes personal art does and commissions don’t, and sometimes it’s the other way around. Sometimes games don’t scare me. Sometimes food doesn’t scare me. Sometimes friends don’t scare me. Most of the time, TV shows and movies don’t scare me.

I am especially afraid of all of the things that are actually, genuinely good for me. I’m afraid to work out, to eat right, to look at the things I need to do, to confront myself, to work, to make money, to text my mom or my landlord, to clean the bathroom, to shower, to cook my own food.

Every time that I’ve pushed through it, I’ve been happy that I did.

But that is so, so rare. I have about a 5% success rate on pushing through the fear and doing the thing.

This week, it was hanging out with friends on Saturday and then getting a haircut on Monday. I also leave for my family for holidays on Thursday, and that is going to take a lot of pushing. I’m already coming up with all the reasons not to go, even though I know that I absolutely want to.

When I’m up against something that scares me is good for me - I should start making this distinction, but that’s scary too - My head starts to work overtime. Suddenly, I’m telling myself (and instantly believing myself with such conviction) that I don’t want to do it, that I can’t do it, that it’s going to hurt, that it’s going to kill me. It’s not in those actual words, and I guess I don’t feel an actual physical threat to my livelihood… But instead, an ethereal one? I feel everything close around me, I think of all of the things that I’ll have to confront, I’ll think of how much it’s going to hurt - emotionally. Just thinking about it, I get battered down to the point that I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep. A lot of the time, I do.

Right now, it’s been three weeks or so since I even opened a commission file, although I go to do it every day. I owe a lot of pieces right now. As I write this, my brain is trying to remind me of all of the reasons why, and how hard I’ve failed at weathering the storm and keeping everything on track. I know I have emails waiting for me, including some with some rude words. And honestly, that should be okay. I get into my avoidant hidey hole because I’m scared, and I don’t come out until I feel that everything has burned down around me. Maybe I feel more comfortable that way. Maybe I’d rather be seen sweeping up and making the best of a terrible situation, rather than being in the middle of a misstep.

Right now, in terms of art and commissions, I’m terrified. When I sit down to work, it’s like a giant swarm of shadows and more are swirling around the folder I need to open, the file I need to double click, the website I need to go to. More often than not, I have no idea how to handle them and I run. I get as far away from them as I can, so I can forget about them. At the end of the day, though, the things I need to do are still inside. I carry their weight with me throughout every second of every single day, except for that brief moment after I run away.

My intention is always, always, always to come back. It has been for years. This is not a new problem for me, and it’s definitely not only something that happens with art commissions.

Something I love to do when I’m having a hard time with something, is come up with some kind of scenario where I can handle it. It’s usually something fantasy. When I was in college and in a sound design class that I hated, I came up with this cool idea of a character who can collect sounds in jars, to be stored until you opened them and the sound would play. I was hoping that jazzing up the idea of me walking around Columbus would make me want to record audio bits more, but it never did.

In this moment, I’m wishing I had a weapon of some sort to fight these swarms of shadows that are chaining up and blocking the door. Maybe a baseball bat anointed in an oil, that I can swing around and diminish the shadows. A baseball uniform stitched up with special thread that has shadow dispelling properties, a cap that eases the effect on your brain you get from being around the shadows. Damn, that’d be cool.

I love coming up with these metaphors, and often get wrapped into trying to make big stories about them. In that, I wind up doing exactly what I always do: avoiding the thing that scares me.

Just do it. Brute force it. Fake it till you make it. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

I want to be able to use those mindsets, I really do. I’m terrified and feel so fragile, and I just want to prove to myself over and over and over and over again that I’m not. I want to believe that I can do these things. I know I have the skills to do most of the things I want to do, and that I’m an incredible student when I want to be.

I have absolutely zero confidence that I can do anything that frightens me, or isn’t comfortable. I absolutely do not want to end this on that note. I’m trying to come up with a lovely way to turn it around, wrapping this up with a positive mindset. I don’t have one right now, and maybe that’s okay. I don’t feel negative. I’m glad that I’ve written all of this, and that I’m even thinking about posting it (don’t know if I will). I think I should let that be enough. Confronting myself on this, owning up to it, is enough for tonight.

So… In short:

I have been really scared and avoiding a lot of discomfort. I have not been doing the things that will help me in the long term, and by doing so, I have been very unkind to myself. I’m really wrapped up in the shadows of it all, and I don’t want to be here anymore. Tonight, I’m acknowledging all of these things.

edit: little update i kept writing after this, 'cause i still had time to fill. i'm trying to do 30 minute journal sessions a few times a week. i decided to think about what i would do if i had the energy for it, and then i did some of it. i feel lighter. i wrote some notes to myself and i'm setting a reminder to read through what i posted here and the rest of it, including my notes to myself... i can do this

#robin chirps #late night feelings #rant #cw mental health

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