#like i don't need josie to 'face consequences' for everything i just want them to r e l a x

[whomadewaffles]

Some pjhazel incorrect quotes I've been saving for awhile...I feel like with how starved for content shippers of these two are right now, keeping these to myself would be a crime. I'm SO sorry for not citing sources. I wasn’t originally planning to post these, and finding them retroactively is like.. impossible.

Pjhazel is the focus, but others are included as side characters. So if you don't ship them, then just scroll on by and go about your day, please!

Also, for a heads up that will apply to all 3 parts: expect bad language and sex references cos obviously.

Oh, and this is part 1 of 3, even if it is the longest part

Long post under the cut!

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Josie: You slept with Hazel? OUR Hazel? Callahan??

Pj: I didn't know what else to do! She had those big, sad eyes. I couldn't help it.

Josie: ...sure, sounds like you had no other choice.

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Pj: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or sarcastic and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

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Hazel, jumping out of pj's closet: BOO!

Pj:

Hazel:

Pj:

Hazel: *makes the patented Hazel callahan sad face*

Pj: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!

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Hazel: TERRIBLE NEWS!

Pj: Did you disarm the bomb?

Hazel: If I disarmed it, would I come running in here and shout, TERRIBLE NEWS!?

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Pj: hazel, you are such a nerdy little dork, you can't pull any girl.

Hazel * has been crushing on her since they met*: okay. that's fine.

*2 years later*

Hazel: so what did you say? Repeat that again.

Pj: 🤡

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Pj: It has come to my attention, that I have some unresolved feelings or resentment toward my father.

Therapist: a little late, but I’m happy you’ve taken this first step. Now you can start looking to overcome that.

Pj: Already done. I’ve found a full proof solution…I’m going to ignore it. Completely and utterly.

Pj: just like my dad did me.

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Pj: the secret to being impulsive successfully is being faster than the consequences of your actions. you can't let them catch you or its all over

Annie: is that why everytime Hazel even looks at you since you kissed her you run away like a little bitch?

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Pj *trying everything she can to kiss hazel again without just admitting she likes her like a normal healthy person*: Hey, are you aware that kissing reduces stress?

Hazel: Okay.

Pj:

Hazel:

Pj: Hey, you look stressed. Like, really stressed. Just wanted to let you know.

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Hazel: It’s not that I don’t trust pj, I just... don’t trust her impulse control

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Hazel: None of you might remember this, but there was a time when PJ considered herself out of my league.

Hazel: Oh, how the mighty have fallen (into my arms)

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Hazel *trying to teach her girlfriend how to take better notes in class*: to make it easier, you should always highlight the important things

*later*

Annie: Hazel, why are you covered in different colored highlighter?

Hazel: don't ask

Pj: she's important! okay!?

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Hazel: I'm freaking out, How do I make our first date really romantic?

Stella-Rebecca: Be mysterious.

Hazel: Okay!

*later, while on a date with pj* 

Pj: So where are we going?

Hazel: None of your fucking business.

Pj *is shocked and a little turned on* 😳

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Pj: Yeah, I lost the ability to give a shit at a very young age. It was a very tragic accident. Never recovered

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Pj: *on the phone with josie* I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.

Josie: You’re pulling Oreos apart and shaving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you?

Pj: Maybe.

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Pj: I love you.

Hazel: I thought I annoyed you?

Pj: You do annoy me. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible, but I want to spend every irritating moment with you.

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Pj: Im tired

Hazel: You should come to the gym with me! We could make it a date and exercising gives you energy!

Pj: Yeah, the same energy you need to go to the gym

Pj: Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me

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Pj *texting*: I'm showering

Hazel *texting back*: oh nice, send a pic of you're hair in a giant spike lmao!

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Pj: rest assured, rational me and impulsive me are having a fucking smackdown 24/7 100% of the time

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Hazel: Please, this is the 4th time its happened, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Pj: I'm sorry is this OUR broken nose? Stay out of it.

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Pj: I asked Hazel out.

Britney: Oh, I’m sorry.

Pj: Why?

Brittney: Well, I assume she said no.

Pj: No, she said yes.

Brittney: Really? Then I’m sorry for her.

-------

Pj: Shout out to my girlfriend who just randomly decided to eat my chapstick.

Hazel: WHY WOULD THEY MAKE IT COTTON-CANDY FLAVORED IF IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE EATEN?!

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Pj: You're annoying.

Hazel *in her head*: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words

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Pj: I win

Hazel: I am literally pinning you down

Pj: I know

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Hazel: So sorry for making you fall in love with me because of my autistic swag and kissable lips.

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Pj: *Drinking a bottle of water*

Josie: Since when do you carry water? I've known you my whole life and you never do that.

Pj: Hazel freaked out ‘cause I told her I never drink water

Pj: Now she’s making me drink 8 glasses a day

Pj: It’s like, there’s water in soda, coffee, the little pools of water on pizza…

Isabel: …That’s grease

Pj: Well it’s wet isn’t it!

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Hazel: You're in love with me?

Pj: Unless you're not in love with me. Then I take it back, because, you know... I'm cool.

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Pj: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Hazel *singing*: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Pj *happy sigh*: Yeah, you're my dork.

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Pj: I'm a very good liar.

Josie: Yesterday, I asked if you were missing  hazel while she was gone, and you said "no" right before bursting into tears.

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#pjhazel #bottoms 2023 #pj bottoms #hazel callahan #incorrect quotes #hope you enjoy and hope this feels in-character for them! #us pjhazel shippers are starving so gotta help how I can! #part 2 will be posted tomorrow in the afternoon hopefully

[pinkhysteria]

anything lizzie does we get bashed over the head with it repeatedly, it's spelled out as Terrible and Awful and Bad. anything josie does it gets brushed aside immediately. i simply think the writers need to find a balance

this, and even if they never plan on changing that, i just wish we were allowed to at least talk about the latter and its relation to lizzie as fans without Them flipping their shit and making it blow up into "fandom discourse."

whenever josie is in the doghouse fandom-wise some of these ppl start saying wild shit like “i literally burnt my sister's hair off and killed her childhood pet and broke her fingers one by one and put poison ivy in her salad and tried to slit her throat when we were thirteen it’s NOT that deep 🙄” like okay then why do you have posts up talking about how you feel sooo bad for poor poor abused josie and she deserves better family than lizzie?? if it's all just fun and games? answer that, babe!

like why do y’all get to understandably empathize with josie re: lizzie being selfish/oblivious at times but if lizzie stans ever feel bad for her with some of the things josie has done to her we have to listen to you painstakingly explain how it’s actually normal to tell ur sister people hate her cuz she’s mentally ill jdskjdsk

#like this is what i’m TALKING ABOUT JDSKJD #the only time u wanna start #‘codependency is a two way street’ing and ‘siblings have drama that’s normal’ing is when u wanna defend josie #when it’s LIZZIE it’s toxic and josie is being treated horribly and ‘awww i feel so bad’ #it’s always ‘being mentally ill doesn’t excuse all of lizzie’s behavior/actions’ WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE #but with josie it’s ‘well she’s insecure’ ‘well she doesn’t know how to speak up’ ‘well alaric’ like... ok. #that doesn’t work for me sorry! #u can't have ur 'i really relate to josie having such shitty family so imma exaggerate that' cake #and then pull a 'uwu they've both made mistake' when she fuck up too #tvdu op #💌.inbox #some stuff they do re: each other i definitely say 'oh therapy is needed!' on both sides - including lizzie #but the show takes small shit and blows it up w/lizzie and treats the 'small' stuff with josie... as small stuff #like i don't need josie to 'face consequences' for everything i just want them to r e l a x