#like i genuinely dont understand what happened here and who thought this was okay

[olderthannetfic]

I always see people who have never been antis, talking about/questioning how some antis even ARE antis when you look at their taste in media - ie the ever famous joke of "Hannigram is #problematique" "but it's a show where he eats people" or whatever.

I thought I'd weigh in as someone who could, hypothetically, be called an ex-anti (which, thankfully, nothing ever really came out of it - it was just very 2014 keyboardwarrior-esque behavior of me being a chronically online young adult who would share posts in a group chat making fun of certain shippers, or reblog posts about how 50shades is The Most Problematic Media Ever to exist -- basically I was an anti with anti-lines of thoughts, but i never, like, a ran a Shipping Discourse Blog or whatever)

For me, personally, it was a few different things. I can now see how it's incredibly hypocritical that teenaged me shipped Light/L, while still thinking that Dramione was Bad And Abusive. It ultimately boiled down to a) being pretentious, and b) just not understanding media or what proshippers REALLY believed, with a side of c) not realizing that nuance exists. like i was pretty late to join tumblr, I think I immigrated here during PEAK "yourfaveisproblematic" era which definitely did have an impact on my opinions and my tastes.

to elaborate, a.) being pretentious. i mean this one just kinda goes without saying. "I engage in media in a way more intellectual way than you do, don't you know that? You're a filthy and disgusting person who writes Snape/Hermione because you're an actually disgusting pedophile IRL who would probably date your own student that you're abusing if you could. Meanwhile, I'm a very smart, good, and pure person. When I read Uncle Vernon/Harry, I'm doing it in a G-d honoring whump way that clearly condemns abuse, incest, and rape. Unlike YOU who only writes harmful stuff as a way to get people off :/"

(as an aside, i think this line of thinking will ALWAYS be present in fandom and popculture in some way, sadly. ie the recent trend of people hating on booktok bc the books are 'trashy' and how these porn addicts should read real classic literature instead.)

as for b.), not understanding media - i cannot emphasize enough that i was GENUINELY stupid and disconnected enough to think that proshippers REALLY WERE pro-All Of The Degenerate Dead Doves That They Wrote.

why did i feel this way? why did i understand that Lolita clearly isnt pro-pedophilia, but for some reason i thought that someone shipping weecest was? well, first of all, i think that fanfiction is (generally) seen as Less Serious than classic literature, and fandom is a fun place, so i guess i somehow thought that every fanfic/fanartist who wrote Problematic Things, especially Problematic Things that they portrayed as Sexy, really DID enjoy the thought of that Actually Happening To Real People.

and i think THIS is the bulk of why antis ARE antis. i'm not calling them all stupid - i do think BEING an anti is stupid, but at the same time, there are people who are truly smart and good-intended people who just have some really off color opinions about, like, homestuck ships or whatever. Lawlight is okay because notebooks that kill people don't exist so it's IMPOSSIBLE for the Harmful Aspects of Light/L to be romanticized! but schoolyard prejudiced bullies DO exist and are a REAL problem so Drarry is BAD (*truly completely unaware of the fact that there's 'realistic' aspects of the Light/L dynamic and 'unrealistic' aspects of Drarry - such as, for example, Hogwarts arguably being even MORE of a fantasy setting than DN is.*) I know that media literacy is the hot buzzword of the year to throw around in 2024, but, like, i really did not have media literacy.

as for c.), not realizing nuance exists - ok "nuance" might not be the best word here, but i dont know how else to describe it. like, each time ive typed the word "problematic" out in this ask, i've done so in a very tongue in cheek/ironic/retroactive way, but, like, those posts about how Everything Is Problematic, Including Your Fave ARE true. and i didn't like the fact that my favorite media or favorite person might've Made A Mistake! i need to Talk About Its Issues Because I'm So Betrayed That My Dear Sweet Comfort Media Would Do This To Me. I Need To Prove I Clearly Condemn It.

like, i legit morally could not justify reblogging a twilight post without adding in the tags '#this is my guilty pleasure it sucks that the books were so racist though' or whatever. Most people were lucky enough to avoid that line of thinking, but there was an actual group of people who felt a genuine need to virtue signal all the time, partly bc, hey, they WERE passionate about talking abt #issues in media, but also bc of a subconscious fear of If You Reblog A Singular Piece Of Hetalia Fanart, You're Literally A Nazi And Will Get A Callout Post Written About You.

and during all of this i was at the tail end of my high school experience (yes i know im younger than most of your audience, ha). i was going through A Lot emotionally, going through a lot of life changes, and lived in a very . . . interesting household/place where i couldn't do ACTUAL good in the world that i was passionate about. so to make up for the fact that i was genuinely in no place to do legit activism, clearly i had to save the gay community by arguing about johnlock queerbaiting or whatever.

^ and honestly i do think that is the position of most antis. theyre isolated and cant seem to do Enough in the Real Scary World so they have to resort to talking about how bad of a person someone is for "shipping abuse", bc theyre not in a situation where they could, for example, ACTUALLY fight the good fight to end abuse or raise awareness for it.

There was way more to it and way more that I could say, if I wanted to, but this post is long enough as it is and probably doesn't make much sense.

I feel bad for antis, honestly, or at least the ones who are antis in the way I used to be.

--

Oh yes, passionate young fools who think they can at least fix the internet if not their lives make up most of the cannon fodder. Some of the ringleaders are just mini dictators and wannabe cult leaders, but most anti-leaning types are just traumatized or clueless, even a lot of the ones who do serious damage and don't just mock shit in private with their friends.

[bulletsgirl]

I thought i was done with talking about my chemical romance fandoms crazy gender essentialism and transmisogyny and misogyny in general but i have one more thing. actually two. because i have yet to discuss why this is so personal to me.

number one: i really, really hope you people don’t talk to trans women like that in real life.

number two and in relation to that: the way people (you know who they are, or you don’t, in which case consider this a general statement.) are about trans people, trans women specifically i should say, and have been talking about trans people on here in general, has been deeply concerning to me because what they’re doing has happened to me.

when someone is dealing with their gender identity, you dont just tell them what they are. You can make it a safe place for someone to come out WHEN THEY ARE READY just by being openly supportive and in arms with transness and the transgender community. unless a person is going through immense obvious suffering and cannot understand why that’s the case you should NOT fucking walk up to people and just tell them what they are because 1 you are not them and therefore can’t be sure 2 that isn’t your place and 3 everyone deserves to be able to figure out to what extent they would like to address their gender dysphoria and what their desired timeline for doing so is.

you can say IF THE SITUATION CALLS FOR IT “hey, it seems like you might be struggling with issues related to gender. have you heard of transgender people? if so, do you feel like addressing your problems through this lens might help alleviate your suffering?” <- or similar. of course, i figured this should be obvious to trans people, who typically (bar conservative “transmedicalists” who make for an entirely different conversation that i don’t want to have) know exactly how harmful the inherent association of physiological and sociological traits in human beings with gender identity (and, by extension, gender dysphoria) is.

but really just making sure a person knows it’s cool and awesome and most of all OKAY to be transgender openly if they want to is the most important. you don’t do this by telling them who they are but by exhibiting public love for and solidarity with trans people. it’s always supposed to be on their terms, not yours. if you realized you were gay or trans because someone told you you were, that’s okay. i’m ecstatic that you were able to discover that about yourself and i’m glad it did you more good than harm. but almost never does the situation call for that; as you should know, you are not the transgender monolith; there is no monolith; there is no straightforward path.

there is only support and solidarity, which is not the same as declaring that someone is x when they themselves have not clarified it or rather need drastic intervention for their mental wellbeing and are genuinely blatantly clueless. i promise you most people struggling with gender identity aren’t clueless and know they’re uncomfortable with the box they’ve been put in, so don’t feel like you should just go ahead and pick a different box.

now on the personal side: it was really harmful for me when someone who wasn’t even transmasc told me i was a transgender man and that i should just accept that. my gender identity was more complex than that and i was addressing it on my own terms at the time internally because it wasn’t the business of others. publicly, i told people i was okay with using any pronouns and i disclosed the name i went by, as well as telling people i felt kinship with transness, but that was it. (if you’re reading this as someone that is aware of the celebrity-stranger central to the discussion at hand, you may be familiar with their own similar public disclosures.)

the way that maleness was foisted onto me by (well meaning) others made me collapse in on myself. they used he/him pronouns for me and barraged me with questions about my comfort with she/they/etc, as if i did not know better than them.

in the end, i just wasn’t good at being a man. pursuing maleness made me feel worse about myself because it was incongruent with my internal experience. not always, of course, because i am mostly a masculine/gnc person, but there were key aspects of being a trans man i exhibited because people told me i was one that made me uncomfortable, and i, just wanting relief, chose to pursue that angle seeing as it was other members of the lgbt community that pointed me there. im from a small town in the bible belt deep south and i’d never seen the world, because my family was poor and conservative and there was nothing for them otherwise. my new college friends were from big cities and had seen much more of the world than i had.

in truth, i should have been allowed to figure it out as i would have liked to. these people were aware that i knew about transgenderism and related to it, and i had told them what pronouns i wanted them to use, but they continued to apply pressure onto me. to this day, years later, i am devastated that i was robbed of my path to self discovery as it might have come about naturally. i would have made some choices the exact same, such as hrt and top surgery, but the emotional gravity of what i experienced will always stay with me, and the insecurities that came with it are still being shaken off.

this is my personal experience, but i know other people have felt similar pressure to conform to what they’ve been identified as by outsiders who were flat out transvestigating them.

i’m trans; i love being trans; i love my transgender brothers and sisters, i love trans men and women, and i love gnc people and the nonbinary identity, which has more or less fit like a glove and allowed for self expression that has ultimately been the most comfortable for me.

i am not saying i am going to be the leading example of all trans people, but i am an example of the consequences of these kinds of invasive claims.

if you’ve made the conversation at hand a “we the gerard way transgender believers and knowers vs the deniers who claim gerard is male” you have lost, because that is not what people believe. I would say most of us are very comfortable associating gerard with transness because they themself have expressed kinship and solidarity with us.

i hope if you took the time to read this you take all i say in good faith and understand why this conversation has hit home for me so personally. i hope you were able to understand why i am so distressed by those standing on a soapbox preaching harmful rhetoric and practices. and i hope that people who have engaged in said practices perhaps discover that they are hurting a lot of trans people, out or not, and i hope that they express love for out trans women more than pursue what they appear to believe are “closet cases” or “flagging”. i hope we all learn from this as a community online and choose to engage only with gerard’s gender to the extent that they’ve verbally signaled they are comfortable with, which includes not assigning them labels, whether that be female, male, trans woman, cisgender, or otherwise, and at least when talking about them seriously, using their pronouns (no, i don’t think you lovingly calling gerard your girlfriend is the crime here. it’s why you do it that’s the issue; you aren’t doing it with solely affection but rather with a motive as well.)

just let them, as well as other people, especially those you might encounter in your day to day life, be themselves without argument or unnecessary investigation. just leave people alone about their gender identity, please.

#that’s all.

[aokoaoi]

Hi Hi!

Can you do a Norm Spellman x male! (Or gn!) omaticayan!reader?

(I genuinely haven't seen any norm fanfics and I'm so sad about it. )

Have a wonderful evening<3

norman spellman x gn!reader.

◗pairing's :: norman spellman x gn!reader.

◗ warning's :: tiniest avatar 2009 spoilers.

◗ author's note :: this is my first time writing a gn!reader, so their might be errors on how i referred the reader to. if you see any mistakes, please point it out, ill fix it right away<3 might write another norm spellman post too bcs i don't really like this one<\3

"What's that?" You peered over Norman's shoulder as he flipped over a ginormous book. He turns at you, looking at the side of your face as he was also confused. "It's a book. I thought you knew what those are?" He questioned.

You were another na'vi from the Omaticaya clan, a friend of Neytiri, Jake's mate. You learned the english language with Neytiri back when sky-people hadn't attacked the clan back then, and you've learned a lot from Kìreysì, who was also known as Grace Augustine.

Like other Omaticayas learning from her back then, you loved the woman and even called her your closes friend. You've never blamed her for what happened, and you even forgiven her unspoken apology.

You awed at the sight of the smooth, white papers, finding interest in it. "Oh, a book! Kìreysì taught me about this, but I kind of forgot." You chuckled nervously, sitting beside Norman. He notices your gaze on the book, and decides to give it to you.

Norm noticed how you sometimes stare at things you find interest in, and it gives you the curiosity and urge to learn more about it. You smiled at his actions, grateful you didn't have to ask to let him know.

Your eyes scanned the english dialog written on the pages. Some were far too deep for you to understand, but some you found familiar with. You flipped over the page, being extra careful with the object as you were scared you'd accidentally rip it.

You let out a sound similar of a coo when you saw the pictures of technologies plastered on the book. You pointed at one of it, and looked at Norman. "I know these, I saw you bring one here!" You smiled.

Norman fondly smiled at your speech, happy you're making bigger progress. "Yep, but if you see someone else bring it, it means danger. Okay?" Your ears twitched at the sound of the word, and suddenly you felt numb.

"Danger?" You frowned, "Why dangerous?" Your head tilted, confused. Norman licks his lips slightly, slowly forming his words in a nicer way to explain to you.

"Well, (nickname). These technologies aren't really safe, and they can harm you. It can even kill you," he notices your ears dropping down at his forwardness, but he continues. "These people carrying these are bad. They're not here to make friends, and they're only gonna harm you. You know about sky-people, don't you?" You nodded at his question.

"I'm one of the sky-people, but my human body is connected to an Avatar body right now, that's why I dont look human."

You frowned, "You're not sky-people. You're far more different from those cruel demons." You stated, brows furrowed as you were upset by his words.

"But I am sky-people. I'm human." You incredulously shook your head as he continued to tell you he's a sky people. You obviously knew about the man being human, and his body being connected to a na'vi Avatar. But you'd never put him in the same category as those merciless demons.

You liked Norman because of who he was, and how he was so different from the species he was related to. You even had to admit that you even had a soft spot for him.

"So you think I'm na'vi?" You also shook your head again at that question. Norman looks at you, confused as to what you're getting at. You noticed his look, and decide to explain yourself. "I know you're not na'vi, and i know where you came from. What I'm saying is that I don't consider you as those demons, because you're different than them."

"I'd rather shoot myself in the leg with an arrow than describe you in the same category as those creatures. You're far more than them, Norm." You grasped his hands with your own, watching as a small fond smile crossed through his face.

"Please don't shoot yourself in the leg."

You hummed, booping his nose with your pointer finger. You sat beside him, your shoulders leaning against his as you leaned your weight on him. "Dou you wanna go ikran flying with me?" You perked up, watching as he closed the book her was holding and placed it back inside his bag.

"Alright. But don't you remember the last time we did that?"

"You almost fell, yes. But that was partly your fault, you weren't holding on to me." You frowned, vividly remembering how the second Norman wasn't holding onto you, he was almost pushed off your Ikran's back.

Norman shrugged at your words, "i guess you're right." He admits, outstretching a hand out for you to take, hoisting you up fom the log you were both sitting on. You cheered happily, holding his hands as you lead him to the direction Hallelujah mountains were.

© aokoaoi

#avatar 2009 #avatar 2009 x reader #avatar norman spellman x reader #avatar 2009 norman spellman x reader #norman spellman x reader #norm spellman x reader #norm spellman #avatar norm spellman #avatar norm spellman x reader #avatar norm #avatar norm x reader #avatar twow #avatar the way of water #atwow norman spellman #atwow norm spellman #—aoifics #—aoirequests

[mueritos]

Hey Matteo, is there anyway I can be an anarchist from home? I dont have the means to do things like leave the house for too long so no protests. I know theres donating to certain places but I dont feel like Im doing enough

hi friend! first of all, being an anarchist doesn't necessarily mean youre gonna be out on the front lines throwing molotov cocktails or creating communes. being an anarchist, to me, is living life in the most anarchist way of de-centering hierarchy in your interpersonal and intrapersonal life/relationships, of honoring people's autonomy (and even their autonomy to make bad decisions or decisions we don't like), holding ourselves and our communities in transformative accountability, and to just live life as authentically as you can.

there is of course the political action aspect, but you must understand that everyone is at different points of their lives. when you're in community with people, you pick up the pieces people have left behind, you pick people up when they fall behind, and you shield them from harm and retaliation by fulfilling their needs. You can read as much theory as you want--from adrienne maree brown to karl marx--but you need lived experience and community to see how these theories play out and are informed by life. you can't be an anarchist without a community of folks who are willing to love you, protect you, and keep you accountable.

at the same time, i'm not here to shame anyone. i have certain thoughts about everything and how "allies" have been pushing marginalized communities to speak up. frankly, what I will say is I will never shame anyone for how they survive in this fucked up capitalistic white supremacist world. you are suffering daily oppression from all sides, I can't blame you for not doing much to inform yourself about daily atrocities because you can barely make your rent. but if you have the capacity and are willing to want to do more, just know that you are holding endless knowledge and historical memory of these moments that the world wants us to erase from history. do not forget. donate, share information, talk with your friends, and hold your marginalized communities closer than ever, but the best thing you can do is never forget.

at the same time, this goes for everyone really, but im not intent on pushing the most marginalized voices (BIPOC but especially Black voices) to speak on every atrocity ever when they're already struggling through their own. i've seen far too many BIPOC communities and advocates online be pushed into speaking when they're not ready or when theyre genuinely protecting their BIPOC folks from MORE zionist/white supremacist hate by making sure they respect their decisions to not speak pubicly. again, I don't intend to shame anyone for doing what they can to survive, ESPECIALLY BIPOC communities. It's atrocious that even now racism is still being used to villify BIPOC voices that are speaking in drafts, still processing their grief and emotions, and for pushing BIPOC voices who aren't even okay with speaking publicly due to fear of retailiation (because thats fucking happening!) at the same time, i do think white folk need to pick up the slack as usual and just get off of BIPOC folks' backs.

i hope this helped. long story short, don't shame people for surviving under oppression, do what you can with the capacity that you have, and hold your people close. I hope that helped and im happy to expand on more.

and as always, the anarchist library is the best resource around.

#muertoresponds #just posted a few thoughts on my insta story so this has good timing #and theres reasons why on tumblr i havent spoken much #working with a group of social workers rn and palestinian classmates about creating a group #but unfortunately even i am suffering under capitalism and white supremacy as are everyone else

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 4, episode 4: hungry!

HAPPY WOLFWOOD WEDNESDAY AND DAY 4 OF @tristampparty!! i've watched this episode at least half a dozen times so... LET'S GOOOOO

it's been pointed out a million times already but lol lmao even. i want to eat rocks.

this is more subtle if you dont know japanese but wolfwood being introduced in episode 4 is also a death flag. did they plan it this way on purpose. (4=shi=death)

also the radio dj for this episode is masaya onosaka again!

it just breaks my heart, man. god when i read volume 7 and realized that's where orange got this from. man. man.

wolfwood getting hit by the truck is funny i'm sorry.

okay i'm kind of confused actually about what the plan was here... like we know that wolfwood was sent to be vash's guide, but him getting hit by the truck was OBVIOUSLY NOT PLANNED so the group finding zazie at the fuel station wasn't planned either. like. based on what zazie says later in the episode, they were "helping" wolfwood gain vash's trust by creating an enemy for them to face together. so did zazie just do all of this on the fly? should i just assume that zazie knows everything that's going on all the time? did they see what was going on from the worm cloud above that we see at the start of the episode? even though those worms were just... microbial? so they determined which fuel station the truck was going to stop at and killed the people there and disguised themself... that must have been what happened, right?

and what's with this. there was a post i saw a while ago where op said they don't like how orange adapted this scene. because the context is changed. because zazie and wolfwood are working together so instead of this being an act of genuine kindness wolfwood is just... acting i guess. but i don't know. does wolfwood even know this is zazie at this point. maybe he's stupid idk KLJDSFKLSDFJ or is it that he can't help himself because zazie LOOKS like a child?? I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS SCENE NOW.

this is clearly an act though i mean unless orange has some insane as-yet-unseen backstory for zazie, these aren't genuine tears

it's so funny how vash gives roberto the bill like this. like, "daaaad..."

so he says, with zazie at the center of the composition.

they tried to spike him up a little bit, but no matter how you look at him, i don't think he's worthy of the title of needle-noggin. this is just wolfwood subconsciously remembering what he called vash in previous timelines (<- JOKE)

i wonder about this. the only "human" who can control worms is zazie. humans, plural, though? how many human disguises has zazie taken on over the years?

wolfwood has given negative reasons for vash to trust him. this is just vash subconsciously remembering his relationship with wolfwood in previous timelines (<- JOKE)

vash's little sneeze after him and wolfwood get sneezed out of the worm is sooooo cute

they're just lying out their ass they're fully aware that vash is a plant

ehhh i've said this before but i don't like how orange adapted zazie... they're very different from their manga counterpart. they're one of the most changed characters i think. i don't like their design that much either... the half-pants... idk... i like the bug mask at least...? i like that there's some insect-like design elements but... eh...

honestly shout out to these guys. the real stars of this episode fr

interesting how roberto is the one who distrusted wolfwood the most but doesn't actually oppose wolfwood going with them...? meryl is the one most opposed...

I'VE WATCHED THIS EPISODE SO MANY TIMES AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ZAZIE MEANS HERE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN KILLING FRIENDS. WOLFWOOD DOESN'T DO THAT. HE HAS NEVER DONE THAT.

what moment does he mean. talking about his gate so does he mean in episode 3? from when... right before he shot his gun at knives, maybe? there was a weird aura... i thought it was because of what knives did to vash's gun but... uhhh.... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh (steam comes out of my ears from thinking too hard)

uhhhh. this is ninelives. there's more than one of him. is this how they adapted ninelives... instead of being piloted by nine guys there are nine... of him... like... nine big guys... nine robots(?)...????

haha. yeah. and knives hates that. :')

that ends episode 4... we're really getting into it now...

#tristampparty #trigun talk #june speaks

[trash-can-sam]

OKAY this is a long one but I dont see people talk about Grace and I deeply adore her shes my second favorite (almost tied with first (Qi) tbh) and deserves more love.

Heres the line that I pretty much based this on:

When I fist saw that line I was like oh thats interesting but then I learned about what she was and I was like OH MY GOD SHES TALKING ABOUT HERSELF. Because what are the chances she just happens to have a sister with a very similar job as her, and the wouldnt you get sick of a life like that implies she doesnt like her job even if she does actually have a sister.

(Also this line from her engagement letter)

NOW THINGS THAT I IMPLY THAT ARE NOT CERTAIN BUT ARE TRUE TO ME (you do not have to read this to understand anything I just want to talk about her):

She genuinely is interested in archeology. Her collecting various things for archeolgy could have just been her making herself seem more convincing, but she does genuinely seem very informed on the topic. AGAIN, could be her being more convincing, but I wouldnt doubt if she actually majored in it (or at least took a few classes) because it would make sense to play a character with something youre kind of knowlegable about, and she seems to know quite a bit about specific school practices and genuinely be opinionated on archeology's place in the world. Also, her likes indicate this is something shes genuinely interested in and passionate about. THE DIGGING HOLES IN THE GARDEN THING ALSO IS NOT MADE UP, and she says "Old habits die hard I guess", implying (at least to me) that she did it for similar reasons or maybe that she found something that inspired her to be interested in archeology.

She definetly seems to not really have faith in the system shes in, or at least doubt in it. Im not saying shes radical or anything (IF WE ARE GETTING SPECIFIC (Using current day terms) she seems reasonably moderate, pretty center left yk but I wouldnt be surprised if she believed in more socialist policies and shes clearly informed in whats going on, partially because of her job and also because I think being informed is important to her) and she still does work for the government, but she seems to not really be completely content with it. I dont really have any concrete proof for that besides this line which is really just how she thinks:

NOW she says she wasnt really involved in politics, which I think at the time shes saying this is true. I wouldnt be surprised if she was more involved when she was younger, but I think for the most part she has ideas. She really likes to think (also proved by this line, I think she thinks a lot of thoughts in a similar vein but for the most part doesnt share them because they dont really fit her brand) and I feel like that would translate more into thinking more of ideals than actual politics, especially since she feels like people who are noble and want to make a difference cannot under the current system.

I feel like there were more lines in quests and what not with her being more disillusioned but full disclosure this could entirely be an illlusion of the mind palace.

Since she also mentions specifically making a difference, I also decided to extrapolate that was strongly about her as well. Wanting to make a difference being attatched to her choosing the job is also something not said at all, but something I decided to connect because it makes sm sense to me

I THINK THATS ALL. But a lot of this is largely headcanon since we dont have that much info on her (Character development is still low, therefore I cry and sob and make things up completely BECAUSE ITS FUN.)

please think about her more so i dont have to make another 12 page kind of comic, mostly illustrated writing.

#mtas #my time at sandrock #mtas grace #my art #I have an absolutely incredible amount of thoughts on her #PLEASE have thoughts on her too #I BEG YOU #also this took SO LONG #literally on and off several months #I love how the second to last page turned out tho its my fave #not to pick favorites or anything #but I am #and grace is one of them #thank you for your time #im also tagging this #innane ramblings #because they are lets be real here #ernest is next on the chopping block.

[anonzentimes]

last asker here wahoo weehee but yeah i dont mind the ramble !!! honestly i do feel a little similar sometimes ourgh . maybe not with being in specific fandoms but especially when it comes to like . the smaller things like self inserts . the like

but anyway !!!!!! now im curious and im not too sure if you've answered anything of the sort before but i do wonder what you thought of the difference in characterization with Nagito in the games and in the anime?

not that nagito in the games r even one for one the same- same goes for the anime-

but i do know there's a difference , and i've heard so many differing opinions on how Nagito's potrayed in both, especially discussion on how faithful Nagito in danganronpa 3's character is to danganronpa 2, so i'll admit now im very interested on hearing your thoughts on him when looking at game nagito and anime nagito side by side eyes emoji

YAYY!!!!! I love getting asked to talk about him it's so fun!!! No one has actually asked this before, and I've been planning to do something on this for a bit!

Personally I think anime Nagito is actually really good! Although I think side lining him for a little bit was a weird decision, even if I understand why. But enough of that! Let's talk more about his characterization! I'll talk about what I think about Nagito's characterization in the anime and some annoyances I have with the misinterpretations!

I will admit that some of the fandom's opinions on, "Anime Nagito vs Game Nagito," kind of bother be because a lot of it stems from people not understanding his character in it's entirety in the first place.

The thing about Nagito is that he works as an amazing antagonist because he isn't ill intentioned and is just mentally screwed up. In the killing game his coping mechanisms and absolute beliefs are on display and he is at his worst, he's practically having multiple mental breakdowns and losing it. And his beliefs and coping mechanisms happen to be morally gray because he believes Anything is okay if it's for hope. With his luck cycle, coping mechanisms, and absolute beliefs that stem from both of these things we get Nagito. And when you place Nagito who thinks being trapped on the island forever without the ultimates impacting the world in any way is worse than one person surviving and making an impact on the world, he feels like he has to do something.

Basically, how Nagito acts in the anime and before the first trial is who he is when he's not mentally crumbling and I get really irritated when people try to say that in the game he was a "malicious psychopath" but in the anime he turned into "baby boy" like, just, GRRRAGHHH!!!!! IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS TO BE GATEKEPT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT!!! THEY'RE MISUNDERSTANDING HIM SO BAD IT HURTS ☹️☹️☹️

I believe the anime's characterization is pretty great and still keeps in tact his absolute beliefs that lead him to do morally gray things for the sake of hope! I think he's very well done characterization wise in the anime. I liked the episode where he ends up blowing up the gym because he wants to postpone the test for his classmates it made a lot sense with how he thinks and his luck cycle! I also really love his encounter with Junko and Izuru. He says several good lines in the anime that are accurate and completely in character for him, and I love it!

I think the addition that the class thought he was weird even before he was at his worst and didn't show much reciprocation is sad and adds to his tragic life. The fact that he isn't surprised when Chisa slaps him, but rather when he is shown affection gets me dude!!!

I think it is sweet though that, his time at hope's peak is probably one of the best experiences he had until everything went wrong. He isn't shown much reciprocation but he genuinely cares for his classmates beyond them being ultimates from hanging out and knowing them so long. He has some reciprocation from Chisa and the other classmates somewhat care about him to varying degrees. I believe his overall luck cycle went, get accepted into hope's peak, good luck, gets diagnosed, bad luck, gains people he cares about in his life and some who care about him too, good luck, all of them become despairs, bad luck!

The other thing I wanted to touch upon is Bryce Pappenbrook listening to criticism about how Nagito sounds more sarcastic than intended. For a lot of the english fanbase the misinterpretation that Nagito's not honest is beyond repair especially since he's hard to understand, but I really do appreciate the effort to change it slightly. Even if people who misunderstood think there's a huge difference or even retcon with his character, I think it's a nice change that he sounds more genuine like his Japanese voice in the anime.

I think the real difference with him in the Anime versus Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 2 is his role in the story. I think he's very in character, we just don't see him having meltdowns and go through his self unaware freak outs. We still see him do morally gray things and impact the plot though! In the anime he's doing better compared to the spiraling we see in Danganronpa 2 and rock bottom even more extreme beliefs we see in Udg.

Also I think the anime solidifying the fact that Nagito usually doesn't go out of his way for the ultimate's attention because he thinks he's unworthy of their time actually makes Danganronpa 2 more impactful. Because, if he doesn't try to seek the ultimates attention, then that's further solidifying the fact Nagito was interested in Hajime, he felt a connection with him even when they first met. We see him do the opposite of what he usually would just because of Hajime, and I think that's really sweet.

Nagito barely mentioning hope in Danganronpa 2's prologue is for the plot twist mostly, however, there could be multiple actual reasons for it. My interpretation is that it's because he wanted to make a good impression so he focuses on that instead, that combined with it not really coming up leads to them not really knowing what he thinks. There are hints of it and he's not purposely "hiding it" at all. Nagito is an honest person who only lies when he feels it's necessary, to further prove that point when he gets the despair disease, personality inverting disease, he gets the Lying disease.

Nagito in the prologue and in the anime are the same because he's not losing it yet, the only difference is Nagito talks slightly less about hope and his beliefs because It's not very relevant, he's trying to make a good impression, and he's focusing on keeping Hajime's attention. My favorite little thing supporting this is that he doesn't complain about going swimming. In the Dangan Island events we see him worry about it, but when he's focusing on everything else he didn't really think about it. He asks what Hajime is planning to do instead.

In conclusion, I believe Nagito in the anime is pretty good. He serves his role well for it not being his usual one, info about what he was like adds a little more to Danganronpa 2 analyzing it, and it's nice that we get to see more of him when he's not at his worst. He's still absolutely the same person and I think his characterization is really good. I think they could have utilized him more or made him relevant to the plot sooner if they wanted, but I think the impact and scenes that he has still are great and work well since he, again, doesn't have his usual role in the anime.

One last thing while I'm here talking about the anime's Nagito, a lot of people like to make the joke that he's "hopesexual" because of the one fan service line of dialogue in Danganronpa 3 where he basically says, "Hope feels amazing," and I just. URAGGHHH!!!!!!!! I'm sorry but if someone unironically says "hopesexual" I hope that their pillow always remains warm on both sides because saying it Is ANNOYINGG!!! It's so easy to get I don't know why people do this, and I know I'm being a little over the top but it just bugs me sooo bad Like,

Hope = Absolute Good/Euphoric Feeling for him, Horny = Euphoric Feeling for him, CONCLUSION: GENERAL EUPHORIA DESCRIPTOR!! He doesn't have a hope kink and the people who make those jokes are weird especially since it's straight up wrong!! I know it's just a joke, but it still gets on my nerves regardless because some people take it seriously. Even one of his songs uses this comparison by allegorizing hope with sexual desires, conveying that both are euphoric emotions for him! >:(

Anyways!

Thank you for your ask and Hopefully I successfully got all of the points I wanted to across! <3

#nagito komaeda #danganronpa #danganronpa komaeda #sdr2 nagito #danganronpa nagito #sdr2 komaeda #komaeda nagito #sdr2 #danganronpa goodbye despair #komaedology #nagito asks #sdr2 nagito komaeda #dr nagito #nagito ramble #servant nagito #danganronpa 3 #danganronpa 2 #dr3 #dr2 goodbye despair #dr2 gd #dr2 spoilers #dr3 spoilers #dr3 nagito #danganronpa 3 nagito #anime nagito #komahina #anonymous ask #anon ask #danganronpa ask #danganronpa asks

[cheddar-inq]

How did you know if your a therian or not...

I've been struggling to figure it out

Cuz I have DID and I have animal alters

Does that count?

I can't help with the DID animal alters part as someone who is not a system, so I'm very sorry about that !!! Therianthropy is a bit complicated sometimes so you may need to ask someone else for their thoughts on that.

For me, I discovered I was a therian not too long after I learned what they were. I had a vague understanding for around a year but I didn't really bother to look more into it, I didn't think I was one

A month or so before I realized I may be a therian I had started looking into it a lot more, and finally realized that 1- favorite animals are different than genuinely feeling like i WAS one and 2- those occasional dreams of me being a fox in the same place with the same other foxes. was how i started piecing together my past life it wasnt just me being silly

not all therianthropy is past-life based, of course, and red fox kit is my only past-life theriotype

therianthropy isnt linear or one exact experience

i have seven kintypes- three otherkin (one of those three being fictionkin) and four theriotypes.

when i started identifying as a therian it just felt so,,, right. it felt like i had finally found a part of me id been denying for a long time.

finding out my other types happened pretty quickly as i started realizing traits i was experiencing werent red fox and happened too often to just be random shifts that happen sometimes

which is how i ended up here !!!!!

questioning and being wrong is always okay !!!! i thought i was a marble fox for quite a while but i dont believe i am, i think its arctic fox instead.

remember, if youre questioning being a therian, very few parts of it are universal. quads and gear and vocals and such do NOT make you more or less of a therian, they are simply ways to connect with types. some therians do not shift at all, some are constantly shifting psycological and spiritual and past life therians are all just as valid as the others

uhhh yeah idk !!!!!! if you have any specific other questions youre welcome to dm me !! sorry i cant help a ton !!!!

#therianthropy #therian

[rodismancave]

A reminder to new folks because I feel I need to say this. It's a few specific rules and more of a 'this is how i roleplay' thing. It kinda got away from me fast but alas, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable for any reason so I just said what I feel i need to say to make that happen.

My muse is mean. It's usually nothing personal but he is Mean if provoked. There is a line and it is Thin.

This extends to his friends, mostly as a show of ease around them and as jokes, its just how he is. a little jokey joke. he says things without thinking and sometimes that leads to misunderstanding or an otherwise "cruel" comment. He normally doesnt mean it like that (unless he does)

this account is like 80% crack. i am here to have fun and be silly. if you take me seriously and get offended by it then I'm sorry but frankly, I have stated this many, many times. I do roleplay serious stuff, I do focus on a little bit of storytelling every once in a while, but for the most part I am silly and quirky. My portrayal won't always be 100% ic, sometimes a little ooc is healthy, for the bit. I stay committed to the bit, always.

Of course. if he's mean to your muse and you don't like it then you can let me know and I'll tone it down. I'll never be an asshole to people I dont know are 100% down to it or who aren't familiar with how my muse acts. However, sometimes being mean is in character with my muse and theres no other way around it. But the more intense, "i want to cause psychic damage" convos I will always ask if its okay for my muse to go hard on yours.

Rodimus is aware of the multiverse. This does not mean he's aware of the history of each multiverse. He may be aware of them, briefly, but he is really not going to dwell on it much and if you expect him to know it he just. wont. He doesn't really care all that much. This is also to say that he may confuse your muse for someone in his crew because of looking alike, and will treat you as such unless proven otherwise.

There are no people who are "canon" to Rodimus' crew, not at the moment. The only ones who I can say with confidence who are in his crew are @weavingmemoir and @stealthfeline, who are also my muses. This is for practicality. If your muse is part of the Lost Light crew in general, though (brainstorm, whirl, megatron, etc) you can respond to my lost light posts as if you were a member of his crew, I dont really mind. Like I said: commitment to the bit, always. The bit is always funnier when more people join.

Don't pretend like your muse knows mine and vice versa without talking to me first. This is mostly about muses outside G1 and IDW, or even people in IDW that Rodimus never really met, as well as OCs. It isn't really towards muses who HAVE interacted with Rodimus at least a few times. It is Awkward having to figure that out, and I'm not particularly a fan of having to dig around for people's relationships to understand what's going on between your muse and mine.

I don't really care if your muse is banging another Rodimus, or anyone else from his crew. Like I genuinely do not care, and neither does he.

I'll always make adjustments if you ask me to. I'll create new verses to fit with your muse, but that requires communication first and foremost. This also goes for events, if you want in on an event just talk to me and we'll see about it together. My events are never 100% thought out because I like leaving space for other participants to have a say in what happens. I just think its fun, like a group project (but less stressful)

When interacting with me I ask to lay off on the quirky colors and varying different fonts in one single reply. I have a lot of difficulty reading things like that and it strains my vision and it gives me a headache. Just, always have the same font throughout, and if there are different fonts, please let them be at least readable. The standard tumblr fonts are fine, except 'lucille', and the small font tends to me specially frustrating sometimes.

This is a g1/idw based blog. I take stuff i like from g1 and stuff i like from idw and i slam it together until I have something I like. Rodimus does not like the prime title, he does not miss being a prime, and he absolutely does not appreciate being called one, unless its doing things for his ego or to make himself look greater than he is. He is an Ass.

#ooc / misty forest #long post i guess. #goooooooooood afternoon everypony i yam going to go back to drawing art trades LOL bye

[littlespoonevan]

i really want to know your opinion on last night's episode! do you think we finally saw Eddie's oh moment? I see a lot of people talking about it and about his heartbreak but I'm not seeing it? like I see eddie upset about what buck is saying, but that could easily be platonic imo, my best friend saying someone else actually sees them? that would make me feel awful, like I'm here??? I see you??? and i get eddie feels lonely as well, but i dont ser that particularly related to him realizing he's in love w buck, idk idk what are your thoughts?

askjdhlf okay. where do i begin??? i should preface by saying i only got a chance to watch the last 25 mins of the ep like an hour and a half ago bc of how long it took for the ep to upload this morning so i'm still very much processing bUT

that cemetery scene was a lot.

to start by answering your question, i don't think we got an oh moment in the deliberate sense?? by that i mean, i don't think this was the show telling the audience "this is it!!!! this is the moment eddie realises he's in love with buck!!!!!" however i do think that scene did A Lot to suggest something big and buddie-related in the pipeline.

something about the tone of it felt very different to what we've gotten previously???? it's most certainly one of the longest conversations they've ever had at 3 minutes uninterrupted. it's also one of their most serious and touched on a wide range of topics (like it felt almost like a post-ep coda fic conversation to me????? askdjfh) and i think it's interesting that twice now in 6b we've had meaningful conversations between them that don't involve chris being brought up. because that's been something i've always said was maybe missing when it came to the possibility of them becoming canon??? we have so many conversations that emphasise buck/eddie/chris as a family but very few conversations between buck and eddie just about them and their friendship/relationship, y'know??

likewise eddie's reaction to natalia was in very stark contrast to the usual way he sort of snarkily comments on buck's relationships. @mellaithwen made the great catch that it paralleled buck talking about ana in 5x02 and it also reminded me of eddie's reaction to abby??? in the way it was this sort of weary-frustrated-resigned combination where he Knows this won't end well for buck and he's maybe a little bit annoyed at buck's lack of regard for himself (in 3x18 bc he's willing risk his own life for abby to save her fiancé even after she left buck the way she did and now with natalia in a 'how can you say she sees you better when the version of yourself you're showing her isn't you' way)

there's also just the big giant elephant in the room where buck is talking about how natalia sees him when eddie is the one who's always Seen him - all the way back to "to be seen to be found, isn't that what we're all searching for?". eddie is the one who constantly validates buck's feelings, who understands his reasons for the choices he makes, who knows exactly what to say to make buck open up. he even does it in this scene!!!!!! when he says "you don't have to be anything for anyone". it felt like a big fat example of dramatic irony tbh

and i think for me, regardless of what happens on the actual show, when it comes to how i write and approach canon in fic that scene acts as confirmation of my favourite headcanon that eddie knows about his feelings but buck has no fucking idea. and while we may or may not ever get real confirmation of that in canon, i think you can for sure read the scene that way without twisting it into something it's not :')

overall, you know i'm the most cautious person alive when it comes to canon buddie but i do genuinely, genuinely feel something has shifted in this scene even if it's not a definitive oh moment for now💛

#anon #asks #911 related #911 spoilers

[stars4-max]

Reasons why I think I'm certain character from twisted wonderland.... under the cut

tw — talks of starvation, isolation, death, abandonment, underlining stalking, horror, bullying... not talking of these by a lot but there are mentions so heres your warning

Idia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Azul

1. Idia Shroud

❝ Hey. ...So, uh, can I go now? ❜❜

— Okay hear me out. Listen. If you knew me personally or even if you don't I think you'd realize just how often I don't leave my room or go outside even if i want to

— I'm relatively always on the internet reading, playing games, drawing, watching YouTube, yknow.

— I don't go to sleep at reasonable times even when I say goodnight and if it weren't for the fact I'm tired 24/7 with no real energy I would NOT be sleeping in for even an hour. ((which happens anyway sometimes))

— I dislike irl interactions (unless I trust u a bunch) and I honestly try to avoid it as much as I can.

— I'm only /open/ to close friends(who I will see as family), my partner, or my cousin and I'd let them enter my space with no consequences

— I forget when I should eat and just avoid it whenever I can/want to because of personal reasons.

— Sometimes I forget to care for my hygiene ((dw I shower everyday when I have the will to stand))

— I put myself down faster than you can blink or I keep calling people names ((none offensive, think like... idk, tree or smth.)) to hype myself up

— I really.. and I mean really.. have a lot of family oriented trauma and if I could I would genuinely make a robotic family of how my family was before to me.

— that's not it but it gets more personal as I go on so erm

— #1

2. Malleus Draconia

❝ You aren't afraid of me. But I'm starting to become afraid...of losing you. ❜❜

— Now. Hear me out. #2

— For some reason, when I would ask my friends of what they first thought of me it was always "I was intimidated" or something of the sort and I would genuinely get so confused while looking like this.

— I don't get invited much to anything or get asked if I wanna join something a lot but theres this one person who makes sure to ask me if I wanna play games or watch videos together a lot like Malleus and Yuu ((PLATONIC YUU FOR ME DAWG. I SEE HER AS MY MOTHER.))

— I get isolated a lot in my family and if I wanna be around people I gotta do it myself (which is hard) and sit there but still be overlooked

— I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I make myself out to be, I'm very much out of them and I'm only really acting as to how I think people would want me to

— I don't understand human customs hel. Like I genuinely get so confused and be in awe when I see things others see like everyday

— I have big issues with abandonment and death when it comes to close friends (I'm talking like 4 year friendship and stuff.) or family I've grown attached to (my cousin), I'd genuinely do anything if it meant they'd stay with me ((vague spoilers lol!?))

— I take what my friends say very seriously if they aren't indicating that they're joking no matter what I sound like. That being said I make jokes unintentionally sometimes when im not even meaning to be funny

3. Riddle Rosehearts

❝ How was that? Do you understand the full extent of my capabilites now? ❜❜

— You don't have to hear me out on this one I'm a little shocked too.

— When I was younger I used to be wayyy too bossy and rude and if anyone even apposed me I would get angry and metaphorical go "off with your head"

— The only reason I woupd be so bossy and rude was because of my family and how they'd bend to my every will and encourage my behavior to others because i was a "golden child"

— especially my mom. She would see my bossy self and go "thats my mini me", looks and her personality

— As I grew older that bossy nature lessened of course but there are times i get angry when others dont have the same thought process like me and don't do something correctly in my eyes

— The only reason I don't let that bossy nature slip by is because of the fact I became my own ace and punched and told myself that I'm not the addition of my mother and I'm not the queen of the world

— of course I'll still follow rules but if they're like... unnecessary I'm not following them at all. Especially if its smth like "u MUST tie ur shoes five times" suck my D-'EYE'-C-K fr. 🐈

— I still have anger issues but I try and not let it slip past either. There was a time I got so angry that I was shaking and I had to be held back from attacking someone ((metaphorical "off with your head"))

4. Rook Hunt

❝ Non... Speak not. At this point, I can hear your inner voice just by gazing into your eyes. ❜❜

— I'm not as shocked by this

— For the other three it's more personal but for rook its in all caps PERSONAL. I see beauty in literally all things even if it truly is the most ugliest thing in space

— I can watch people from afar without getting caught exactly but enough for someone to get restless if I want them to be

— There are times I find information of someone on accident and I will be going deep into it. Like deep into it and then I'll forget it because it's not anything needed at that moment

— People either feel safe talking to me or unsafe and I cannot explain why bc even I dont know.

— I would wear outdoor boots for/with everything if I could and ik it would make people scream in horror.

— talking about horror i would watch detailed horror movies just to say how beautiful it can be and the symbolisms.. etc.

— I can also read characters kinda well??!?! and write them sorta well???!?? idk how to explain it but give me enough time with watching a character and I'll tell you exactly why I think they act the way they do or think the way they do or feel the way they do or how they would react to xyz, etc.

— even when I or my friends dont like someone I don't just base my reaction on that ((like I'm not a fan of neige or vil but if you told me to choose between the two I could not. both of their characters are good and if you wish I can even try to explain how.))

— I had a phase where I would speak in one language for a while ((spanish)) but i forgot what I used to say however half the time it was always me sayinf "i love you" to others i loved

— I called someone my butterfly once i think???? Cant remember who

5. Azul Ashengrotto

❝ What do you think? I have remarkable potential, don't I? ❜❜

— IF YOU KNEW ME IRL SINCE BASICALLY BIRTH YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

— I used to get bullied for a lot of things, my weight, my hair, my skin, my clothes, how i act, my glasses, my grades, how my moods would change drastically, my gender, etc

— So even when I was younger than I am now, I would see if others needed me to do something so I could gain favors or just get blackmail to raise over their heads for them to do smth for ME

— I was a people pleaser and a people eater no in-between.

— Unlike azul I didn't have a floyd or jade with me and it was just me myself and I

— LIKE azul I got a lot of people indebted to me lol.

— I would change myself and how I acted with people irl and on the internet to get literally every favor i could. I would know everything abt someone and they would feel like they HAD to help me with smth bc of that or bc i would show my more pathetic side

— I got so insecure of myself that I would try to take down any pictures i had of myself so that I could be "free" of the embarrassment.

— my family wouldn't help

— unlike azul I would do a lot of things to ensure i was skinny and cute and nice to others perspectives that I'd starve myself... so um.... yeahh.......

#🪐.exe #twisted wonderland #twst idia #twst malleus #twst riddle #twst rook #twst azul #disney twst #twst #idia shroud #malleus draconia #riddle rosehearts #rook hunt #azul ashengrotto

[kneelingshadowsalome]

lmao im sorry for making your blog a space for arguments, but, as the autistic engel anon, i am autistic 😭😭

i genuinely only sent that ask because that's how i myself am perceived by people and how i often end up feeling. the sarcastic "self-indulgent" was the thing that i thought would make it clear where im coming from.

i dont know if this is a language barrier sort of thing but i dont know why That would make people assume that i am not autistic, or why me making that kind of ask to comfort myself is suddenly turned into this kind of conversation lol

especially since i hear the term "loser" towards myself a lot (as well as its synonyms) from other people who don't understand me and don't believe that i could be autistic (because of being a woman, being able to mask well, living in a country that isn't educated on the topic well enough yet)

so like. idk! im sorry for saying something that anon found hurtful, but i think that across most communities that are jokes/sayings/etc that are okay for some people and aren't okay for others. so im sorry if what i said was indeed as hurtful as the other anon described it. i genuinely didn't intend to hurt anyone especially since i sent that ask after being mistreated by someone close to me and wouldn't want to someone else to feel hurt by it

and if that was the case for most people then maybe it would really be better to delete it? im not sure, but thank you as a writer for creating something so beautiful in response to my ask 🫶🩷

Look! 🩷 My darling autistic engel anon. I loved your ask and the first thing I did in the morning was write a little something for it because I thought it was adorable, relatable and delightful. The fact that you came to me of all ppl with that prompt, then came to thank me and say that it’s beautiful?! means the world to me! I don’t want to delete it 🩷 Of course if the majority of people came to me with torches and pitchforks I might reconsider but it sure doesn't look like it, and I trust that those who didn't like it just scrolled past, unfollowed, blocked, you know, the usual. At the end of the day, this is just a silly little cock blog curated by an autistic dumbo :D

I’m here to provide myself and other people a romantic escape, I'm here to address all kinds of funny crazy thirsty tropes, issues, kinks, whatever through writing because it's a much more controlled and safe environment compared to real life. But I can’t please everyone and it’s a bit futile to even try, I'm not perfect. Someone might find my blurbs and fics too fluffy, for someone else they're too angsty, too kinky, too vanilla, too this, too that, insensitive, problematic, boring, evil, I dunno. What other people perceive as cute, beautiful and self-indulgent might be something completely different to others. We're all different and for me your ask happened to bring joy 💌

#answered

[lviste]

i wanna have a very nice moment rn bc i feel like crying.

ava @rrinsluvr you were my first moot here and honestly i cant rmb how we became moots but i absolutely adore you for being one of my closest friend rn ( online and rp ) as well as one of my closest moots. you also inspired me to write smaus

su @scarahours you were one of my favourite smau writers and i admire you so when we became friends(?) i hope we are, i was kinda shocked bc i wasnt a writer yet and you were the one who encouraged and inspired me to write a remake of the remarried empress. i also consider you as one my closest friends online.

lee / lara @skaramush you were also one of my favourite smau writers and i admire you as well. the first time we talked was when i asked you to add me to your taglist so when one day you suddenly asked to be moots and join a server i was really shocked /gen and i hesitated to join but i dont regret it. i found it surprising and funny that you thought i was filipino tbh. both you and su. i consider you one of my closest friend online

nyx @albenyx you were one of the people to welcome me and for that i was grateful because on the first few days, i didn't understand anything at all and i had to use google translate. i really appreciate you trying to speak in english for me to understand easier and even though i bully you the most i really love you fr and you are one of my closest friend

FUCK IM STARTING TO CRY

okay moving on

kyo @telemi you were also one of the people i met at first and maybe we werent very close, i appreciate you trying to talk to me in english to make me feel welcomed and i hope we can be closer in the future okay? take good care of yourself and we will all be waiting for you to come back and maybe we arent very close but i consider you as one of my friends

sevy @sevynnee you were also one of the people that made me feel welcome in the sever. i appreciate you being aether and translating some of your words in english so i can understand better. we might not be as close or we are in your opinion, but i consider you as one of my closest friends online. honestly i was scared of you so i didnt know we could be this close in my opinion but thank you. i also admire how much time and effore you put in our rp

pam @ay4kshalatus you were one of the people who welcomed me even though i wasnt filipino and you made me feel welcomed and even now you are still really nice to me that i feel like i dont deserve it tbh and honestly im really glad we became friends pampam <3 or maybe im just thinking it too far but you are one of my closest friends online too in my opinion it doesn't matter if you dont feel the same.

ein @kazu-topia you were also one the people who welcomed me to the server. i admire your humor and you never fail to always make me laugh. i know i bully you time to time but i genuinely appreciate you from your dramatic antics to your crazy y/n life. i consider you as one of my closest friend. i know you tried to speak english for me at first to make me feel welcomed and i really appreciate it so thank you

biu @biuun you were one of the people who welcomed me to this server. honestly you had the most unproblematic life(until baizhu) and you would always stay with me while we watch them have their y/n era and i know you haven't been online much but in the beginning i felt left out because i didn't know what was happening nor was i sure on what to say but you were like " liv lets just sit down and eat popcorn while watching them " and that made me really happy to be involved at least once. i consider you as one of my friends or even closest friends.

ate sam @sunizome you were one of the few people who welcomed me and i was quite afraid of you at first because you were older than me so i didnt know how to react. we arent very close due to us not talking alot but i appreciate you being my ate for 10 seasons in the original timeline and i consider you one of my friends or maybe even closest friend. i hope we can be closer with each other

ain @shimenawas you joined after me i think but honestly you are so sweet to me??? like ik i bully you time to time but you are so nice to me and i feel like i dont deserve it sometimes. we arent very close and i would love to be closer with you in the future. and honestly i really consider you as one of my friends or even closest friends :)

@/everyone i love all of you and even tho i get mad at you guys sometimes or bully you guys, i dont really mean it. i know all of you miss the old liv ( the sweet, polite, nice liv) so heres the sweet and nice liv okay. i know i also say sometimes i regret joining the server, i dont actually mean it and im glad lara thought i was a filipino hence why im here. i love all of you and remember to take good care of yourself, stay healthy, and drink lots of water okay?

#— liv's rants 🍭 #— liv's moots <33

[goremet-chef]

i love polyamory 🗣‼ life changing for real like. IDK i think a lot of my disconnect to things directly comes from autism so to ik to a lot of people they CANNOT imagine such a thing but its pretty easy for me? like its just a bigger relationship its great, i work better in groups anyways thats why like all of my self inserts are inserted into polyam relationships. if its not virginia and kelvin, its link and sidon, papyrus and mettaton LIKE. SHIT LIKE THAT its just second nature for me.

(didnt mean to ramble so hard but welcome back to dominics yapping club today we're going to be yapping about my connection with romantic vs platonic love because its my tumblr and im here to YAP)

i guess that disconnect honestly. i STILL really have no idea if im actually aromantic or not. like i do a lot of yearning but am i REALLY yearning? i cant read myself so i have no idea like genuinely it is a FULL mystery who knows!!!! i think maybe like. okay it falls on bpd and how that affected my relationships, when i think back to it i can tell everyone ive ever been in relationship with, they were my FP so maybe i did love them? but i know i was also obsessed like.... listen looking back on younger me clueless to what bpd even was, having a mental breakdown in middleschool cuz yr online girlfriend made matching icons with HER AND HER FRIENDS FURSONAS..... like genuinely i was SO CRUSHED i thought it was over and done and i was like what about all that we had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO DRAMATIC OKAY... i dont blame younger me cuz he couldnt have known but like... the signs have always been there KSFS im a lot more. managed now, at least i try my best to be and from what i can tell in my 'recent' relationship adventures, one of them i was ONLY obsessed with for a little while cuz he gave me attention even tho he sucked a little and then the obsession like.. faded. it was over and i said goodbye and that was that (which. IK IT SOUNDS AWFUL but it was one of those sexual interest things and outside of that attention, he was very manipulative and honestly a little rude so. i did the right thing idk why i keep losing the relationship lottery)

i guess i just get nervous about that happening again, but like. im slowly realizing i can be obsessed with someone yes, but i can also love them. i think i spent a while there like.. discrediting any of the love i felt for anyone because it was accompanied with obsession, but thats not true!! i did love them, i loved her and i loved him and it all like. idk its a lie, ive been lying to myself and saying im only capable of brutal obsession when its not true, i can love too. i love all the time!!!!! i love my pets i love my friends like. im a lover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is honestly the first time im really realizing that tbh but. its the truth even if theres a lot of bitterness and anger and pain inside of me, there is also love

i think my problem is i just dont understand romantic relationship? like on an autism level cuz to me like. whats the difference between a partner and a friend? LIKE GENUINELY cuz im about as affectionate with a friend as how i should be with a partner SO WHERES THE LINE? to me there just is no line like idk i really cant see it! i think if yr dating someone, they SHOULD be yr friend because what................. like how could you get with someone whos not yr friend already yknow what i mean where did you find that guy!!!! and where has he BEEEN put him back bro.....

and even then i think i hear a lot of people describe their relationships as like 'dating their best friend' yes im sure but that just makes it murkier like. i think that romance isnt real guys i think its made up and its just a word, theres this like. this elevation of romantic love in comparison to platonic love and i do not understand why because its the same thing for me? i love my friends just as hard as id love a partner because thats what they DESERVE, so like idk i think in my head i dont see it either way its just love? the lines are too blurry for me to process so i just disregard them completely, somethin like that.

interesting to think about but it. like no one else feels that way so its very. if i did have a partner, could i give them what they need? i could love them til the very end, but like. what do they want from me............... like is there some unspoken rules that i need to have spoken to me or something, is it wrong for me to love my friends like that? is it wrong for me to love my partner like that? like i genuinely cant tell. i know people say ohh when you fall in love its this connection youve never had before its so special and new and different from yr other relationships and to that??? you must just not have very close friends!!! id do anything for my friends id lay my life down for them id eat them out id DO ORGANIZED CRIME AND BECOME A MAFIA BOSS i let them PEER PRESSURE ME INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL (lie), id go out on FRIEND DATES BASICALLY its so cute we all go out together and just hang around and shop and eat together like i love it and i would sit in their beds and just. be quiet because we dont need to be talking !!!!!!!!!!! ill sleep with them ill let them touch me even which says a lot cuz i REALLY dont like to be touched!!!!!! its love so deep it makes my brain fuzzy like im giggling right now teehee i love all my friends so much i give every single one of them a little kiss

my POINT IS i jsut dont see the need for like. the labels i guess? because to me there is no difference between romantic and platonic love, its all just LOVE i think thats whats made me feel so. STRANGE all the time, everyone always describes sparks and shit and i just dont understand cuz i spark with everyone i love, i wouldnt love them if i didnt!!!!!! grining

so am i aromantic? i do not know because i dont believe in romantic love/???? like. i dont think its that im lacking romantic attraction i think its just that romantic attraction and platonic attraction are the same thing for me basically like its just RAW LOVE AND ADORATION and i can extend that to anyone

OKAY i know this is so long this is literally me just. im like self mediating myself rn okay im HELPING MYSELF UNDERSTAND ME BETTER cuz i really have no idea whats going on at all

[nathaaaan]

*queue depressing music playlist*

hey

ever feel scummy? feel like people who are your "friends" don't like you? hate you? and even if they explicitly tell you that you're cool and what not, you think they're lying? same

that feeling never goes away, but i ran into one of my friends at the store today, and i met their dad, and he told me that they talked about me a lot. the way he said it lead me to believe it was positive and deep deep deep deep deep deep deep DEEP down, i thought he was lying. but he sounded so... genuine. he even offered to drive me home, he insisted actually.

it felt nice?

i don't know, emotions are weird.

personally, i think my irrational thinking of how people view me stems from what my mom says about me. she says im rude or mean, and sarcastic, im not fun, blah blah. ive apologized for being mean, because ive asked several of my friends if i was, and most said "kinda" or "it depends"

most of my friends seem... happy to see me? and i still dont understand why. i honestly talk and joke about death or dying (which just happens to be a sign of depression, thank you for teaching me that, school), and sometimes my friends ask, "are you okay?" lying to them feels weird, so i say no with a smile on my face. :)

i dont have therapy, or anybody to talk to about this stuff, cause really, i dont want to and there are bigger problems in the world. if i talked to a parent about therapy, they'd ask why i wanted it, and the last thing i wanna do is talk to them about it.

i dont even know what to do with myself. i cant do anything like work because im too young. the things i like to do aren't fun anymore (which also just happens to be a sign of depression, again, thank you school.) i dont want to do anything actually, besides lay down and die, but dying is the hard part >:/

im ranting, i know im ranting, because i forgot about the point i was trying to make, but idk what else to do. i don't expect this to get any attention, cause like, who cares?

the point i was initially going to make was "people love you" or something, but i clearly abandoned that.

if you dont mind me, im going to lay here and spiral. :3

anyway, if you actually bothered to read this, thanks i guess. hope you have a good day/night. <3

#rant #rant post #im so tired #short story #??? i think #depressing shit #sorry for being depressing #had to get this off my chest #do i need help? #probably #thoughts #uhhhhh

[semiotomatics]

cant sleep as uʒ, gonna wordvomit if you dont mind

its really fucking scary to notice yourself changing. like, even if its good changes. idk maybe its just me and my hyper-rigid sense of self but like. i need to be able to feel like i understand myself, and when that understanding starts to slip it. uhh. it freaks me out a lil.

honestly that was one of the scariest parts of finally going on medication for my mental issues. like, do i want to be happy and have energy and not be scared and vaguely suicidal all the time? yes, of course i do. but theres a part of me thats also like. but thats all ive ever known. thats who i am. when you take it away whats gonna fill the empty space?

and like. i kinda feel like im starting to find out. i mean, im still not cured by any stretch of the imagination, but i have noticed improvements, as well as just. changes (neutral). or maybe its changes (terrifying). changes in how i feel, how i think, what i want.

like. for example. ive considered myself ace since the day i first heard the word as a teen, and tho my romantic orientation has always been kinda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, ive been considering myself aro for all intents and purposes for years. and i love being aroace. its genuinely a vital aspect of my identity. it feels right. but yeah. lately there have been changes.

and that was exactly what i was worried would happen! cause "you're not aro/ace, youre just depressed" is such a common aro/acephobic argument, one that i myself have been told and have argued against, even though i realized it was technically a possibility.

and i know theres nothing wrong with it if that does end up being the case here. i know it doesnt invalidate my aroaceness up till now, i know it doesnt invalidate anyone else's aro/aceness, i know its okay. but still. im scared of the change.

so yeah, thats a bit of what ive been grappling with for the past few weeks. as things stand now, i still consider myself aroace, i just. want a different kind of relationship rn than ive ever wanted before. whether it would be considered romantic or queerplatonic or what i dont know.

i also have no idea at all how to go about actually, like, getting that kind of relationship. all of a sudden all the allo media ive consumed makes so much more sense to me. this shits hard!! by comparison being aroace is a goddamn piece of cake (pun absolutely intended).

anyway. yeah. i always seem to have these thoughts at night when i cant sleep, and i just. needed to get them out. if youve read this far, you have my sincere admiration 💚 im gonna go collapse into a ball and try to figure out what the fuck i want in life lol

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #idk man #theres too many potential tags for this #and i am le tired #ill come back and add tags tmrw #feelings n stuff