#like i just realized how hard i fucked myself

[starsforselene]

Prove it - Mingyu x Reader

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x Afab reader

Rating: explicit MDNI

Contains: Fingering, breast play, light ass smacking, doggy style, little dirty talk, unprotected sex, coming on body

Word count: 2.7k

Summary: During a late night hangout session, you and your friend Mingyu get into a discuss over whether all guys fall into the "boob man" or "ass man" category. Mingyu insists he's both. Naturally, further exploration is required.

Note: This is just Mingyu smut I have no excuse.

--

“Oh, c’mon! Be honest with yourself and with me!”

“I am being honest! I swear it, I don’t have a preference!” Mingyu exclaims as he leans forward on the couch, eyes bright with laughter.

You huff and shake your head as you fold your legs up on the couch, fighting your own laughter.

“Kim Mingyu, every man is either an ass man or a boobs man. The whole ‘I don’t have a preference’ thing is just a way to seem like a sensitive guy. In touch with your feminine side or whatever they say.”

Mingyu rolls his eyes and leans back again. He’s not annoyed, not truly, the smirk on his face gives him away. You’re half a pizza and two soju bottles deep into your routine weekend hang out and the conversation has somehow ended up here. Some would think it strange to ask your best friend what he prefers on a woman but after years of being friends nothing is off limits anymore; you know nearly everything about each other. Maybe part of you just wants to finally know everything about each other.

“I know that you have a strict preference for douchebags who pretend they’re more mature than they are to get into your pants but, I promise you that I genuinely don’t prefer one over the other. I-” he pauses and looks at you, suddenly a little more flushed. “I don’t have to prove myself to you, you know.”

His hesitation peaks your interest, now you have to know. You sit up and lean closer to him, gaze boring into him. He chuckles but doesn’t break eye contact, heat searing through you as his dark eyes meet yours. You inhale sharply, taken aback by the sudden pulsing between your thighs, fighting the urge to bite your lip when you see him lick his momentarily.

“So what were you going to say? That you don’t have a preference ‘cause it’s all just so great?”

He laughs and runs a hand down his face, leaning his head back against the sofa. He’s splayed out almost fully across it now, leaving you just enough space to still be sharing the couch with him. Typically, the fact that he’s sitting there in just a tank top and some shorts doesn’t bother you–he’s just a friend, after all–but his broad shoulders and large arms are just so…there tonight. He’s gotten bigger lately and you’ve enjoyed teasing him on his new hobby but now your body is reacting to the results of his hard work in ways you find surprising. The silence pulls you out of your thoughts, realizing a little too late that you were blatantly staring at the way his pecs stretch the material of his tank top.

“See something you like?” he says, raising his eyebrows comically as he flexes his chest.

“Stop it! Don’t change the subject!” You swat his arm–his very firm arm–and laugh.

“The answer is yes, okay? I don’t have a preference because it’s all great and I love every single inch of a woman’s body. As all men should by the way, even though they don’t.”

The way he holds your gaze as he replies shoots heat down your spine and into your core. Arousal floods your panties, causing you to clench your thighs together. You’re confused at how your best friend is managing to turn you on like this.

Mingyu’s eyes widen the smallest amount as he drops his gaze down to your mouth. In a panic you gasp, releasing your bottom lip in the process. Shit, were you just lustfully biting your lip at your best friend…and he…seems to like it? You search his face for hints of disgust or humor but find nothing but his widened pupils. You sit back against the couch, putting distance between you and whatever the fuck is happening right now.

“Did my answer satisfy you?” he asks, voice husky.

“Satisfy me? It takes a lot more than a response to do that, Gyu.” It amazes you how well you act unaffected when in reality you’re coming apart at the seams.

“I’m sure it takes plenty to satisfy you,” he retorts with a chuckle as he sits up straighter with what you think is a sly attempt on his part to adjust himself.

When he catches you looking he smirks; you played right into it–he wanted you to look. You take a breath in hopes that it looks like you’re annoyed when you’re pretty riled up.

“Oh? Are you trying to say something?”

“Yeah, actually. I am.”

You laugh despite the heat radiating under your skin. If he wants to play this game you can match his energy; that’s not a problem. You square your shoulders and stare him down, willing your heartbeat to settle even though your pulse has been racing since he mentioned you being satisfied.

“Are you insinuating that you can satisfy me?”

Mingyu swallows hard and you preen with satisfaction at how you’ve affected him. It’s short lived, however, as he leans forward to bridge the gap between you. The air feels charged, his eyes meeting yours with a fire you’re not quite used to seeing from him.

“I just want to show you that I really don’t have a preference, that’s all. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about what it would be like to satisfy you,” he says with a sly smile.

All bravado leaves you along with the air in your lungs, you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming. It takes only a few seconds to gather yourself enough to respond, the words leaving your mouth before you can begin to question it.

“Fine, prove it.”

He closes the distance between you with a low growl, capturing your mouth with his in a kiss that leaves you reeling. You wrap your hands around his neck, tugging him closer as he deepens the kiss, tongue claiming your mouth. With a groan, he pulls you by your waist until you’re straddling him. You can feel how hard he is already, his clothed cock pressing against your aching core.

Your hips grind against him, seeking friction to quell the aching between your thighs, moaning into the kiss as you feel his cock twitch in response. His grip tightens on your waist, moving your hips faster in time to his own grind against you. It should feel silly to be dry humping like desperate teenagers but hearing Mingyu’s whimpers and his body reacting to yours is intoxicating. Without giving it much thought you’re clawing at his shirt to get it off him, tugging at the material until you’re forced to break apart to take it off. He returns the favor and rids you of your shirt, eyes locked on yours, lips swollen from kissing—he looks downright sinful.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” He asks.

“I need to know if you’re full of shit so, yeah, I’m down.”

Mingyu chuckles and rolls his eyes; he grabs you by the back of the knee and before you can protest you’re on your back. He hovers over you, slotting between your legs with ease. You can feel him, hot and heavy against your core; you can’t help but roll your hips up to seek more, making him hiss and tut at you.

“I’m not surprised that you’re an impatient little brat. Sadly, you’re going to have to wait. I have a point to prove.”

Before you can retort, Mingyu shuts you up with a searing kiss. His hand moves down your side to still your hips, squeezing you once in a warning. You groan into his mouth, your hands sliding up his back to drag your nails down his skin. He shivers against you and you love how you can affect him just as much as he does you.

He starts trailing sloppy kisses down your jaw, stopping to nip just behind your ear, making you gasp and whimper. He smirks against your skin as he continues his way down with other small kisses, bites and soothing licks. You’re panting by now, core throbbing with need with every touch of his lips on your hot skin. His hands expertly snake behind your back until they reach your bra clasp, undoing it with the ease of someone who’s had the practice. You shimmy the straps down your arms and toss the garment aside.

You half expect him to attack you like some kind of over-excited teenager but he doesn’t; he drinks in your form with an almost reverent awe, making you shiver. Mingyu smirks when he catches you watching him, huffing a laugh before kissing you again.

It’s too brief of a kiss, his lips leave yours to trail down the column of your neck as he makes his way down to your breasts. He eagerly sucks a pebbled nipple into his mouth with a groan as his other hand kneads at your other breast. Your back arches in response, soft moans making way to more desperate whimpers and pleads when he tugs playfully on your nipple.

“You sound so pretty like that. Can’t wait to hear you come for me,” he mumbles against your skin as he makes his way over to your other breast.

Your only response is another strangled groan as you tangle your fingers in his hair to tug him closer. Not that you need to because he doesn’t seem to have anywhere else to be; he takes his time licking and sucking on your sensitive buds, never neglecting either breast as he moans along with you. He’s painfully hard against your cunt, cock twitching every time his name leaves your lips, he grinds into you as he ravishes you and it’s nearly driving you over the edge. You’re starting to get overstimulated, half-crazed and desperately wet when you finally beg for mercy.

“Gyu, please, please, I need you. Please,” you breathe as your legs wrap around him.

Mingyu looks up at you, lips deliciously swollen and dark, and laughs. For a moment, you think he’s going to shrug and ignore you but he doesn’t. He sits up and starts tugging your shorts and panties off, you lift yourself off the couch to help him take them off and pretty soon they’re somewhere on the living room floor.

He looks at you, eyes dark with need and runs his hand down your stomach, caressing your skin until he reaches where you need him most. You gasp as his finger dips between your folds, finding your swollen clit and circling it gently as he watches the way his hand moves. You watch him as he sucks in a breath and bites his lip, mesmerized that he’s just so into you. Your lids flutter closed with a groan when he slips a finger inside you, pressing it against your front wall until you’re grinding your hips into his hand with pathetic mewls and whimpers of his name.

Stars explode behind your eyes when he adds another finger, moving them in and out in time with each roll of your hips, scissoring you open for him. He’s moaning with you, low grunts of appreciation every time your walls squeeze around his fingers and how good he sounds is making the room spin and your release draw closer. Mingyu doesn’t miss a beat, using his other hand to circle your clit until you’re gripping the side of the couch and chanting his name like it’s the only word you know how to say, your climax bursting through you in quick waves. You’re left panting and floaty on the couch, but not for long.

“Turn around,” he growls as he undoes the tie on his sweatpants.

You oblige, flipping over and getting on all fours, backing your hips up until they met his. You notice he’s still wearing clothes and you pout, grinding against him until he grabs your waist and stops you.

“Can you learn to be just a little bit patient? I’m enjoying the view,” he teases as he grabs a handful of your ass.

“I promise the view is better once you’re fucking me. I’ll let you smack my ass, too just so you can prove yourself.”

This earns you a huffed laugh from him and soon you can feel his hard cock sliding between your folds, teasing your clit before lining up with your entrance, hands gripping your waist. He’s still long enough that you open your mouth to say something but just as you’re about to say something he finally penetrates you, sliding inside you slow enough to make your shiver as he stretches your walls.

Mingyu sucks in a breath through clenched teeth when he bottoms out, gripping you tighter like he knows that you already want to start moving, craving the sweet friction of him. Your walls pulse around him and you both moan; your head drops forward as you whine, circling your hips despite his hold on you.

“This is so much better than what I imagined. You feel so fucking amazing,” he groans as he starts rocking his hips, slowly, like he’s wanting to savor it.

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about this, too. Not like this though but it’s fine,” you reply with a smirk.

Mingyu stills, you can hear the head tilt in his voice. “Oh? Like how then?”

“Mmmm…you’re usually fucking me faster, harder. But if this is more your speed–oh fuck–”

He smacks your ass before gripping your hips again, picking up his pace until the room fills with the lewd sounds of his hips slamming into you repeatedly. He’s angled himself perfectly, each thrust in hitting your front wall hard enough that you’re breathless and dizzy, the rope in your belly already impossibly tight. You’re gripping the couch cushions for dear life, moaning his name every time his palm connects with the soft flesh of your backside, stars beginning to float in your vision as your walls start to clench around him.

“You gonna come already, baby? You talked such big game about taking me hard, what happened? Too much?” he coos as he continues to fuck you relentlessly.

The only thing you can respond with is a drawn out whine as he continues to fuck you, deep thrusts that hit exactly where you need. You can’t string words–let alone thoughts–together to retort, all you can manage is pathetic begging and pleading for more. Mingyu’s happy to oblige, hands gripping your ass cheeks as he kneads them to ease some of the sting from earlier. You start meeting his thrusts, lost in the feeling of him filling you completely, incoherent praises and pleas falling from your lips as your release draws closer.

“That’s it baby, feels so good. Keep fucking yourself like that, wanna feel you come around my cock,” Mingyu groans as his fingers find your neglected clit to rub tight, fast circles.

You come, eyes squeezed shut as fireworks burst in your vision, your body shaking with every contraction that rolls up from your toes and crashes over you. If it wasn’t for Mingyu holding you up against him as he fucks you through it, you’d collapse onto the couch from the dizzying release that rocks through you. He’s not far behind, hips jerking erratically as he tries to prolong your pleasure, deep moans and pathetic whimpers falling from his lips as he pumps into you wildly.

He pulls out without warning, the emptiness a little jarring as he groans behind you, hand on your ass to stop you from moving. You feel the warm ropes of his come against your skin as he groans your name breathlessly between deep moans.

He’s up before you have time to make a comment about your situation, disappearing into the bathroom down the hall and coming back with a washcloth.

“Sorry I didn’t ask, felt it was a better option than the alternative,” he comments as he wipes you down.

“I’m on birth control but I guess you wouldn’t know. Thanks for uh, cleaning up the mess for me.”

“Would be rude if I didn’t, you know? Anyway, hope that you believe me now,” Mingyu chides with a smile.

“I’m not convinced, if I’m honest. I’ll need further research to come to a clear conclusion,” you say as you get up to get dressed.

“Oh, you’ll be coming, alright.”

#mingyu imagine #mingyu smut #mingyu fic #mingyu x reader #svt smut #svt imagine #svt fic #fic

[oizysian]

Secrets | Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanoff

Requested by @sashawalker2

Summary: How do Wanda and Natasha react to finding out Y/N was a victim of Hydra?

Word count: 1.2k

•

“When were you going to tell us you were experimented on by Hydra?”

“I don’t know, Wanda. There never seemed to be a right time.”

“Would’ve been nice if we had known before going to bed with you.”

“What’s the difference, Nat?”

“It’s like we slept with a stranger. We don’t even know you anymore.”

I blinked at them, pushing the tears back as the two women that meant everything to me looked at me as if I was a total stranger.

“I’m still the same person.”

“You’re not.” Nat insisted. “You lied to us.”

“I didn’t lie! I just … neglected to mention it.”

“What else did you neglect to mention?”

“I may have forgotten to tell you guys that I maybe have … some powers.”

Nat all but rolled her eyes and Wanda just continued to stare at me.

“What powers?”

“Not many!”

“What powers, Y/N?” Nat had clearly lost her patience.

“I’m strong and I can heal, okay?” I was ashamed of my past, of my powers, and being forced to out myself in front of my girlfriends was embarrassing.

“How strong?”

“I can hold my own against any of you.”

“Not without proper training.” Nat mumbled and I glared at her.

“Try me.”

“Okay, okay,” Wanda finally spoke, getting in between us before we started fighting right in front of her. “Y/N,” her voice was soft. “Why didn’t you just … tell us?”

“I was scared, okay? I was scared and ashamed.” I turned away from both women, my hands shaking with rage. “I hate what happened to me. I hate what they made me. I pushed down all my strength and all my abilities so I could just be normal.”

I turned back towards them, tears threatening to fall as I pleaded to them with my eyes.

“Is it such a crime to have wanted to put all that pain and torture behind me and just … pretend?”

Nat swallowed roughly as she listened to my words.

“You could’ve told us.”

“I couldn’t.” My voice broke. “I worked so hard to put all of that behind me. Telling you would’ve undone everything I did to be the person I am today.”

“But we told you who we were. That wasn’t fair of you, Y/N.”

“I know,” I turned to Wanda, hoping that at least she would understand me. “And I’m sorry. I just didn’t want either of you to think that I was some Hydra agent undercover or something.”

“And what if we do?”

“Do you?” I directed the question at Natasha, but then turned my attention to Wanda. “Do both of you really think I’m a Hydra agent? After everything I told you? After all we’ve been through?” I yelled, my chest heaving and my tears finally falling.

Wanda’s eyes shifted to the ground, but Nat continued to stare straight at me.

“Wouldn’t I have killed both of you already? Maybe while I was fucking you so hard you were screaming my name -”

Natasha’s fist collided with my face before I even had the chance to react. I barely flinched at the blow, even though she had used all her strength and channeled her anger into the hit. I sighed, knowing full well that I deserved it for how I spoke, but disappointed that she resorted to violence.

“Natasha!” Wanda cried, but I raised my hand up toward her, telling her it was okay.

“I deserved that.” I breathed, watching as the realization finally crossed her features that I had taken a hit from her and didn’t even take a step back. “I shouldn’t have brought that up, I’m sorry.”

“Y/N,” Wanda said my name softly, slowly approaching me. “I don’t think you’re with Hydra. I don’t think you have an evil bone in your body.” She took my face in her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. “You need to be honest with us from now on. No more secrets.”

I nodded, my eyes filling with tears once again at the softness of her voice. I thought she would’ve been angrier than Nat, but I guess she understood my desire to put it behind me to an extent.

“No more secrets. I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. It’s okay.”

Nat stood back and wordlessly watched us, still as the dead while Wanda comforted me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her, hugging me, and I watched Nat from over her shoulder. Her face was unreadable, blank, but I knew her well enough to know that she was mulling over everything that happened.

“They took me as a child,” I began, looking Nat directly in the eye. “I was tortured for years, injected with god knows what until I was finally able to escape.” I swallowed roughly, blinking away tears. “I can’t tell you how many of my bones were broken, how much of my body was destroyed just for it to repair itself within minutes and for the torture to start all over again because of it.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to …"

“I want to.” I gave Wanda a slight squeeze, letting her know it was okay, and continued. “I wasn’t the end goal. I was just a guinea pig. They were just going to use me until I finally died.” I scoffed. “Unfortunately for me, they made it almost impossible for me to die from anything other than natural causes.”

I sniffled softly and I felt Wanda’s arms tighten around me in support.

“I can’t even kill myself.”

“Y/N, don’t.” Wanda spoke against my neck and I could feel her own hot tears against my skin. “Don’t say that.”

“I tried.” I grabbed onto her, burying my face in the crook of her neck. “I tried to kill myself so many times, but I always wake up. I always wake up.”

I could sense Nat approach before I felt her arms around the both of us. Wanda was full on crying at this point and I was doing my best to hold and comfort her. As Nat embraced us both, and I could’ve sworn that I heard her crying too.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

I looked up at her, her eyes shining with tears. I leaned toward her and pressed my lips to hers and she responded in full, kissing me back while we held Wanda.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered against my lips and I shook my head.

“Don’t apologize. I was the one who was wrong.”

“I was an idiot. I … hit you.”

“Which I deserved.”

“No, you didn’t. I lost myself.”

“It’s alright. I’m fine, see? Not even a scratch.” I tried to make light of it to try and make her feel better.

I knew it happened in a moment of passion and I truly did deserve it. I had deserved everything that happened to me. I knew that.

Before I could voice another thought, Wanda lifted her head up and kissed me, her lips trembling.

“I’m - I’m fine.” I breathed softly, her green eyes searching mine. “I’m fine, Wands. I promise.”

“I don’t want anything to come between us ever again.” Wanda’s voice was small and she sniffled softly.

“Nothing will. Ever. You two mean so much to me. More than you’ll ever know.”

#oizysian writes #wandanat #wanda x nat x reader #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff x reader #wanda x natasha #sashawalker2

[funera1pyre]

iii is fuming.

right before the show, the two of you had fought. it was just some minor scuffle, but the fact that iii had to go out and play with your fight still looming in his mind was killing him.

during the show, he had begun to realize how in the wrong he was, which led to him screwing up a few songs. nobody really noticed it, but he sure did. he was mentally screaming at himself up until the show concluded. iv could tell something was up, as he kept shooting glances at him.

as soon as the show was over, iii hurried backstage, hanging up his bass and making his way to find you. after looking, he found you sitting on a chair backstage playing on your phone. without a word, he grabbed your hand and tore you off the chair.

you jumped at the sudden treatment, iii was obviously upset, he hadn’t even started to take off his stage outfit before coming to see you. he led the two of you to the closest closed off room he could find and locked the door.

slamming you up against the wall, he grabbed your leg and hiked it up around his waist, gripping tightly. he’s staring right at you, his black hair slightly over his eyes as he’s breathing heavily.

“iii, i-” you begin before he rips off his mask and slams his lips against yours. the kiss is dominant as he pulls your body closer against his, and he can feel your heart pounding. you’re his girl, and he shouldn’t have argued with you over something so stupid.

pulling away, he’s looking down at you with love. the red paint fades slightly on his face where his mask was, going down his neck.

“listen, i fucking love you. that entire time i was so upset with myself i wanted to scream. i was a fucking douchebag and i was wrong. i’m sorry. now let me make it up to you.” he places his red painted hand softly around your throat. being in your presence is beginning to calm him down, but his anger with himself still surfaces. he needs to fuck you.

his words blow the wind right out of you. with a smirk, running your fingers down his chest, you say, “show me how sorry you are.”

he quickly runs his hand under your shirt and grabs onto your chest, slamming his lips back to yours. the kiss is full of lust and possessiveness. “perfect fucking tits” he mutters and you can feel him becoming hard against you. you trail your hand down to his bulge and palm him gently. he’s so fucking big under your small hand, and it drives you crazy. you’re just as obsessed with him as he is with you.

you let out a moan when he twists your nipple between his fingers, and iii clasps his hand over your mouth. “shhh love, gotta be quiet, don’t want anyone to hear me claiming you do you?”

yanking your pants down in one swift movement, iii shoves his fingers in his mouth before sliding them softly into your wetness, thrusting gently as you moan into his hand. the possessiveness radiating off of him has you dizzy.

“please fuck me iii.” you try to speak as clearly as you can with his hand over your mouth.

“atta girl,” he pushes his cock into you in one quick thrust, making you gasp in pleasure. as many times that you’ve taken his dick, the stretch is always intense with his massive size.

you could hear people outside the door cleaning up from the show. iii was slamming his hips into yours and his hand remained clamped over your mouth. his gaze remained fixed on yours, eyes full of lust and adoration for you.

his pace was quick and rough like he had nothing on his mind but you. you couldn’t help but admire how sexy he looked, messy black hair covering his sweaty forehead and his eyes clouded over. the red paint was starting to smear.

as much as you wanted to be loud with how good iii was making you feel, the idea of the other boys or any of the crew hearing you had you holding back your noises. or maybe you wanted them to hear you, hear iii fucking you backstage. it was so risky and hot.

“god i fucking love you,” he breathed out as he felt you clench around him, your moans muffled by his hand. “gonna cum for me pretty girl? hmm? cmon give it to me.”

with his sweet words you came all over his dick, iii moaned as he felt it and with one quiet groan he released inside you. he slowed his pace, riding out your highs and pulling his hand off your mouth to place a sweet kiss on your lips.

“forgive me, baby?” he smirks, breathing heavily and cupping your face.

you giggle kissing the tip of his nose. “of course i do. now let’s get going before the others start to-”

you’re cut off with a rattling of the doorknob from the other side, you and iii’s eyes darting towards it. “iii? you in there?”

“better get going,” iii whispers with a smirk.

#uh #yeah #hiiii #iii’s new hair has me crazy #sleep token smut #sleep token #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token imagines #sleep token x reader #iii x reader #iii sleep token #iii smut #sleep token iii smut

[mousydentist]

KPTS fics under 10k that changed my brain chemistry

PART 1: KimChay

Inspired by @the-cookie-of-doom making a fic rec list, cause i was like hey! i like fics too! so here's a bunch of <10k word fics that altered the course of my life. i'm gonna do a few parts, so this first one is just kimchay. i tried to tag all the authors on tumblr but there was a couple i was unsure of so please lmk if they have an account for me to tag! (or if i fucked up any of the links cause you know tumblr was fighting me) <3 without further ado, and in no particular order:

Your last lie by saturnscoded @saturnscode (8182 words)

Not Rated. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

In which Porchay's boyfriend cheats on him with Kimhan and he decides to take revenge. Or Things get out of control and Chay doesn't know how to stop.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- this fic oh my god i love this fic. GO READ THIS FIC RIGHT NOW. yknow when people are like "would you rather have a fic with amazing plot or amazing writing" GUESS WHAT BESTIE THIS ONES BOTH. GO READ IT.

Ringing Endorsements by bisexualbard @bisexualbard-writes (2556 words)

Rated G. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim is not impulsive. Kim is a planner, a plotter, a researcher, and generally considers all angles of an action before he makes a move. Chay has always been the exception to his rules though, which is why he’s not even surprised at himself when he walks out of the jewelry shop with an engagement ring barely a month after they’ve reconciled. The only problem is, he doesn't stop at just one.

i have shed so many tears to this fic. it hits the sappy romantic in me right in the fkn feels GOD it just hurts so good ITS NOT EVEN SAD it's just so good it makes me cry 😭😭😭

podfic available by AirgiPodSLV (AirgiodSLV) @airgiodslv!!! welcome to tumblr fdjsjd

heaven is a place (here, on your floor) by booksnchocolate @booksnchocolate (7020 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

They're going to have sex. Eventually. They're going to take their clothes off and Chay is going to explore all of Kim's glorious, glorious body with his hands and mouth and – whew, he's going to need a cold shower. There's just one problem. It’s not a big deal, at first.

oh boy. what do i even say about this fic. i think about this fic a lot. like a LOT. it's so incredibly moving and emotional and ugh. just. perfect. no notes. i've cried at this and if i read it again right now i would cry again

Kim's Magic Pussy by imdeadlily @imdeadlily (8096 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim wakes up and finds his dick is gone. MIA. Vanished. Displaced. Chay has no issues with this.

i'm a die-hard imdeadlily fan. i highly highly recommend everything they've written and this fic, THIS FIC. ITS SOOOO. just. go read it. you have to experience it yourself.

rainbow hanging over your head by IsleofSolitude @emberfaye (4174 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Chay is crushing hard on Kim. That's the only reason it takes him awhile to realize kim's brothers are being weird.

this fic is the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when it's winter and you take a big blanket that like 10 times your size and you cuddle with your dog. that's this fic. i love this fic more than at least 90% of all things.

Pillow Talk by Atlas (xx_atlas_xx) @xxatlasxx (1427 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim finds some time to himself while on tour as Wik, but gets interrupted by a phone call.

FOLLOWING THE TRANS KIM THEME WITH THIS MASTERPIECE. ive screamed all up in atlas' dms ab this fic and there is a REASON it was my most re-read fic of last year. sweet little trans!kim smut that i adore

drape myself with floral light by fern_tdvuh @fern-tdvuh (2080 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

"Kim feels like a sunflower – he can't resist basking in Chay's light." How Kim and Chay recognize their love for each other via tattoos, and then share it with the world.

this fiiiIIIIIIIIIIIC GODDDDDDDD. i swoon. i SWOOOOOON over this fic. i simply do not even have the words. this fic hurts my bones, hurts down to my soul. so fucking good. 10/10

Do You Believe in Magic? by disast3rtransp0rt @disast3rtransp0rt (3407 words)

Rated T. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Deadpool continues to breeze past the entire situation, as he usually does when he’s in ‘trouble’. In fact, ‘Pool starts flirting even earlier into their banter than usual. “Did you hear the part where we’re soulmates, Spidey?” “I actively ignored that bit, actually,” Chay outright lies. Like a lying liar whose spandex is on fire. One hand is still on his hip, and he uses the other to gesture between the two of them. “What if we’re platonic soulmates?” “That’s not how the spell works,” Sabrina the Pain in Chay’s Ass speaks up. “We were hoping to summon Death, but–”

THIS FIC EEEEEEEE oh my god this was just so cute my heart simply could not take it. i read this after like, just, such an awful terrible day and it made me smile and god i love it. very special place in my heart for this fic.

i see rain but maybe they're all tears for you by OdeToFics @thestrangeillusion (5459 words)

Rated E. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

Chay slumps back down onto the couch, picking up his controller where he'd abandoned it when there was a knock at his door. "Take your clothes off and then come here," he commands with a steady voice without even looking in Kim's direction. When his words are only greeted with silence from where Kim is still standing next to the door he'd just locked, Chay turns around to look at him and raises a challenging eyebrow at him. "W-what?" Kim stutters out and Chay feels a rush of satisfaction in making the always cool and collected Kim Theerapanyakun finally lose his resolve for once. "You said 'anything', did you not?" Chay asks coldly. ~~ Or: Chay wants Kim to be as vulnerable with him as he had always made himself for Kim. He wants to have some control over Kim. He realises too late that he's in way over his head.

OOF this fic hurts so good. post canon kim having emotions, goodness gracious it HITS DIFFERENT. SAD ANGST PORN MY BELOVED. SMANGST IF YOU WILL

The Art of Persuasion by Zoiseaunoir (9226 words)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Porchay really wants to top. Kim needs a little persuasion. ... or does he?

!!!!!! some top tier kimchay communication porn. i read this fic like seven times in the week i first discovered it AND YOU SHOULD TOO

Take Your Time (I Promise Not to Run) by WildelyDawn @wildelydawn (3637 words)

Rated E. Rape/Non-con. Summary:

“Somnophilia,” Kim reads out loud. “A sexual interest in engaging in sexual activity with a sleeping person.” Chay hadn’t said no to any of his desires so far. But this is different. This is taking without asking. It’s wrong. (Or: Kim discovers somnophilia and struggles to keep his desires to himself. Chay's there to guide him through it.)

fOOkin hell this fic, this whole series actually, actually actually everything by dawn but i digress. just like, jaw-dropping plot, beautifully written, and smutty on top of it?? just 10/10 fic overall, absolutely outstanding

podfic available by Princess_Moonlight!!!

paying the price by IsleofSolitude @emberfaye (4133 words, ongoing)

Rated M. Creator chose not to use archive warnings. Summary:

Secure with the knowledge that Kim won’t leave him again, Chay unblocked Kim and pressed the call button. (Alternatively, Chay fucks around and finds out. All magic comes with a price.)

:*) bro. this fic took my emotions and put them in a blender. the first chapter was jaw dropping and had me hooked, and the second chapter picked my jaw off the ground and stapled it back on with no novocain. my heart huuuuurts thinking about this fic /pos

I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All by Sweet_William @sweet-william-writes (3108 words)

Rated E. Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-con. Summary:

Chay starts having graphic dreams where Kim attacks him. When he is faced with a real-life volatile Kim killing men in Hum Bar to protect him, he realises they were never nightmares. They were wet dreams. And now he's going to make those dreams a reality, whether Kim wants it or not.

yOWza bonowza this fic is a doozy /pos. author's note says "Because we need more awful kimchay fics <3" and sir you delivered!!!!!! spectacular and gasp-worthy, i couldn't stop thinking about it for like four days after reading it

Technicality by TheCookieOfDoom @the-cookie-of-doom (9136 words, ongoing)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

Kim is an OnlyFans model. Despite taking (literal) monster dildos up his ass on the regular, he is still, technically, a virgin.

now this one is just technically (ha) less than 10k, its 9k and ongoing but goddamnit im counting it because loooOORDD. this has almost all of my favorite tropes wrapped up in 9k of excellent writing and GOD it makes me feral like actually fr feral

K's Puppy Boy by Maenecoon @maenecoon (9944 words, ongoing)

Rated E. No Archive Warnings. Summary:

To be in K’s position, to garner the attention of people who'd pay to see him do more and go further into the depths of depravity. To feel wanted and needed and pleasured all while earning a bit of pocket money. It sounds like a dream. And so Chay's here now, attempting a stream of his own. ー Or, Chay stumbles upon the prettiest camboy. Things go downhill from there.

OK THIS ONES ALSO JUST BARELY 10K BUT LISTEN. holy F LISTEN TO ME. go read this right now. this shit has me blushing and kicking my feet and chewing my arm off and SCREAMING OUT LOUD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT god GOD ITS SO. ok yeah go read it.

#gonna make another one with other pairings sometime in the future #i already have a list of ones to include #pls send me all your <10k fic recs 🛐 #kimchay #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche the series fic #fanfiction #fic recs

[bunnygirllover45]

hi. this is not a question per se but more like a comment. it is completely unrelated to everything, I just wanted to say thank you. this may sound completely stupid, but I am a trans man and I suffer from chest dysphoria. I bought a binder and even though it made me feel a lot better, but I realized that my chest was not completely flat. before, I was always like "I need to have a flat chest or I die." I still have some chest volume, that is very minimal, but it is there. days passed and watching your oc (the batshit male one, I love him) not having a complete flat chest despite being a guy made me feel a lot more secure on myself.

I've seen plenty of guys that were assigned male at birth (and even ones assigned female at birth but with complete confidence even without a completely flat chest), both real life people and fictional characters, and they have made me more confident. you've helped with that, so I wanted to say thanks.

also. your art is pretty and your style is unique. don't ever stop what you're doing.

sorry for the long text. you don't have to answer this, I just wanted you to read it. I hope you have a very nice day, night, or whatever moment of the day you're on. :)

Oh dear,, this is really cute. I understand this issue a lot, I've been dealing with dysphoria too for years, no matter how much I tried I always felt like I would never feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't wanna get too personal, but I still deal with those feelings every day, sometimes I wish I wasn't born like I was. Let me tell you something anon, gender is a fucking excuse to label things for marketing purposes, you can be whoever you want. I know it's hard not to think "I shouldn't have this" or "My body should be like that" ( I deal with those thoughts often too.) just to fit an imaginary list of attributes a gender should have invented by society that doesn't understand your struggles, you feel like a man? then you're one! It's okay if you still don't like some parts about yourself, hell, I hate some of mine too; do anything that makes you feel better, that really makes you feel like you belong there, in your own body. I'm really happy my art helped you. I hope you have a very nice day too, thanks for taking the time to send me this. And remember, you're handsome! you're valid, you're doing your best, and most of all, you're you, the most genuine and beautiful form of you.

#chrona... answers things? #wish you the best

[zsturiolosx]

Teach ya — pt. 2

pairing: Dom!matt x Reader.

summary: it’s been a week since Y/n lost her virginity to her best friend, Chris, and everything has been weirdly normal. You two are still friends and no one even talks about it. Well, except Matt, he has been thinking about it all week. He always thought you were hot, but before finding out you had sex with his brother, Matt never thought of you sexually. Until one day he can’t take it anymore and talks to you about it…

warning: smutt, cursing, pet names, unprotected sex.

part 1

Matt’s pov.

There she was, sitting on my couch, next to my brother, acting like nothing ever happened, acting like his dick wasn’t inside of her last week.

Everyone was acting normal, actually, and it was driving me nuts! No matter how i tried, I can’t forget that happened.

I always knew she was hot, she obviously is. But i never had thoughts of her like that, my creativity was leaving me on the edge every time she came over. Gladly, nobody ever realizes, but I don’t know for how much more I can hide it.

My mind always goes to forbidden places, like, what it would be like to have my dick inside of her, having her scratch my back and moan my name.

Y/n drops her phone on the floor, she gets up and bent down, grabbing her phone. Which she doesn’t know, is that her mini white skirt doesn’t cover up her pink lace panties.

I feel my pants tightening around my thighs as she sits back down on the couch. Fuck.

I groan, getting up and up the stairs, I open my bedroom door and go inside my bathroom, locking the door.

Y/n, look what you done to me.

Y/n’s pov.

“What’s up with him?” I ask, seeing Matt get up and go to his room, sounding mad.

Chris shrugges, watching his phone. I ignored it.

The air conditioner was set to fucking 60 degrees, giving chills all over my body.

“Ugh, i’m so cold.” I whine, hugging myself. “Why do you like to leave this house fucking freezing?”

Chris turns his phone off, looking at me, his blue eyes meet mine. “I don’t know, bro” He says, putting his feet of top of the center table. “Go get a blanket in Matt’s room.”

I nod, getting up and going up the stairs. As I get to the second floor, i walk through the big corridor, going to Matt’s door.

I knock in his door, but get nothing in response, so after a few seconds, get in. But, Matt wasn’t there.

I ignore it, looking around to find the blanket. I see the comfy white blanket next to the bathroom door. I walk to there and bent down we to grab the blanket, but when I do that, i hear something going from the bathroom.

It was… Matt, but he was whimpering and his breathing was fast. What the fuck is he doing??

“Fuck- Y/n” I hear his voice moaning my name.

Oh my god, is he jerking off to me?!

I feel my heart beating and my breathing accelerated, i never knew Matt felt that way about me!

A heat going through all of my body as I listen him washing his hands. But when I hear the door unlocking, i feel my body freezing, i couldn’t move.

His door opens slowly, but he doesn’t realize me yet. But when his gaze looks up, his ocean blue eyes meet mine, in shock.

“Y/n” He says, his voice ringing in my ear, echoing. “What are you doing here?”

“Uhm…” I try to answer, but nothing came to my head. “I-i just came to grab a… a blanket” I laugh nervously, showing the white blanket in my hand.

“Why didn’t you knock?!” He asks, now seeming annoyed, his voice went up, his browns furrowing.

“I did! You were just too busy to hear…” I say, looking down, realizing just after what I said.

“Did you hear that…?” He scratches the back of his neck, obviously nervous. Your gaze meet your feet, trying to contain a cocky smile.

The thought of Matt Sturniolo getting hard because of you, and jerking off moaning your name made the heat between your legs grow, you squeeze your thighs together to try to stop it.

“Yeah, i kinda did. Pretty busy with the thought of me huh?” I say cockily, his smirk growing in his lips.

“Don’t act like you didn’t want the attention though, coming over with this little skirt that doesn’t cover your pretty lace panties, like a slut.” Matt walks closer to me, taking large and slow steps. He looks up and down at me, bringing chills all over my body.

His hands goes to my waist, the cold of his ring touching my warm skin. I slightly gasp, which makes me chuckle.

“I am not even touching you right” He comes closer, his face inches to mine, his minty and warm breath hitting my face.

His blue eyes were dark, his pupil occupying all the space. His hair was falling over his face, but still couldn’t cover the shine in his eyes.

My heart beat was fast, as he leaned down and pressed a kiss on my cheek, so so close to my mouth.

“Do you know how much i have been thinking about you? Thinking about you and my brother fucking, it’s driving me insane” His voice was raspy and low, my mouth slightly open, searching for air to occupied my whole lungs.

“But, all of this has been making me want to fuck you, not Chris, me.” His words ringed in my ear as he continued to stare at me with dark and focused eyes.

“Oh, i-i” I shutter, trying to focus on anything but the memory of his noises and whimpers to me.

“I know you want too, I see you squeezing your thighs together” His cold hands suddenly go to my ass, his rings going down and down until his hands are inside my skirt. “Do you want me to fuck you, baby?”

The nickname alone made you give in, making you nod, like a needy slut. Matt chuckles, looking at you with a cocky smirk.

“I need words, gorgeous girl” You took a deep breath before answering him.

“Yes, please” Your voice was shaking, and before you could even think, his soft and pink lips met yours with hunger.

His tongue grazed your bottom lip, asking for passage, which you quickly accepted it. His tongue explored your whole mouth with dominance, you didn’t even try to fight back.

One of his hand went up your jaw, holding you like he wouldn’t let you escape. But the other on continued down, going more and more close to where you need him most. His agile fingers quickly met your clit, doing circular moves.

“Already so wet for me, yeah?” He interrupted the kiss, his touch making you moan quietly. His fingers stop suddenly, making you miss his touch.

“Matt” You whine, making his laugh. He mumbles a ‘wait’ and picks you up by the ass, taking to his bed and dropping you on the fluffy king size bed.

He appreciates you for a second before diving in, kissing your neck, leaving purple marks and small bites. His big hands go inside your shirt, meets by you bra, he goes to your back, unclipping your bra in one second.

Without even hesitation, Matt takes your shirt and bra in one go, leaving your breasts naked for him to see.

He licks his lips and smile, leaving a trail of wet kisses all over your body, through your tits, stomach, before reaching the hem of your skirt.

“So, so gorgeous” The vibrations from his voice run through all of your body. The tingles nonstop, you getting annoyed with how long he was taking.

“Please, Matt” Your whining made his ego growing even more, the fact that you were craving his touch so much you couldn’t even wait made him feel really confident.

“Alright, my needy brat” He chuckles, quickly becoming serious again. He takes of your skirt, your panties were already soaked, which made him even harder.

He kisses your stomach, going down until he’s kissing your inner thighs, his mouth giving you goosebumps. His fingers played with the hem of your panties, slowly taking off of you.

The vision he has it’s just so much better of what he ever imagined, his hard on was hurting at this moment, but he spent a whole week imagining you, so he was gonna take his time.

Matt’s mouth went closer and closer to your weak spot, his kisses making you weak to your knees. His mouth met your clit, he kissed it gently before sliding his tongue through all of your folds.

You moan, biting your lower lip to contain your noises. His tongue hitting just the right spot every time, your legs trying to close, but Matt kept his hands on your thighs to stop you.

“Keep open for me, baby” You hear his raspy voice saying, the vibrations of his voice trembling through your body.

Matt keeps licking and kissing you, so you soon feel that familiar knot creating on your stomach. You whine and moan, ready to release at any moment.

Matt puts your legs over his shoulders, hitting a new angle, an even better angle, your knees tremble, and you feel your orgasm approaching, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Matt, i-i” You shutter, not being able to talk straight. “I’m gonna-“

You interrupt yourself, feeling you liquid leave your body, going all over Matt’s mouth. He licks every drop of it, leaning over you and kissing you passionately, you could feel you taste in his tongue.

“God, you taste so good baby” He says during the kiss, you whimper in his mouth, as you feel his erection brush over your exposed part.

Matt unbuckle his pants and pull them down, his bikers were completely filled, you gasp just imagining the feeling of him inside of you.

“Are you ready?” He asks, towering over you, you nod a yes, and anxious yes.

Matt take of his boxers, you feel yourself getting wet again from the view. You take a deep breath, as Matt aligns himself with your entrance, you feel his tip brushing towards your hole.

“You gonna be a good girl and take my dick, huh?” He smirks, you close your eyes and nod, letting a small moan leave your mouth.

Matt slowly pushes himself into you, his inches going one for one inside your hole. You moan, rolling your eyes back. He whimpers in your ear, making you weak.

“Fuck, you’re so tight baby” His raspy voice drives you insane. You feel your walls clenching a round him as he finishes pushing all of his inches into you.

He’s big, but he doesn’t wait for you to adapt. So soon Matt starts thrusting in and out, first slowly, then faster.

He’s faster in every push, your skins slapping together fills the room together with your moans. You’re both panting as Matt goes into you and out.

“Tell me, tell me if I’m better than Chris, huh?” Matt whimpers in your ear, you can’t think of anything but his dick inside of you, filling your whole.

You quickly nod, not being able to speak. Matt’s going on a fast speed, faster than you ever experienced.

Chris was amazing, but he was slow and careful. Matt is being rough and harsh.

“I want to hear your pretty voice, baby” He smirks at you, his thumb travels to your clit, doing circular movements while still thrusting into you.

“You- mhm” You try to speak, as you press you eyes shut. “Better”

“Made you cock drunk, yeah? Matt presses a kiss on your cheek, you whine, feeling your orgasm approaching for the second time.

Your walls tighten around his dick, as he reaches a faster pace, your skins slapping together and you moan out his name.

“Matt-“ You open your eyes, seeing him looking at you with a smile like he isn’t fucking your brains out. “I’m coming”

He groans, his thrusts becoming sloppy. “Let it go for me, baby”

As his raspy and low voice rings in your ear, you feel yourself releasing, the knot in your stomach disappearing as your liquid falls over his cock.

Matt wasn’t far behind, and after a few seconds, you feel him filling you up with his cum.

You both are panting, as Matt goes out of you, but yet doesn’t lay down. He pushes his thumb into your hole, not letting not even a drop of cum leave you. “Making sure nothing comes out”

Matt lays down next to you, turning to the side to face you. His hand travels to your face, his fingers caressing your face as you get your breath back.

“This was better than i ever imagined, Y/n” He says and turns your face to look at him, his eyes were shining and his smile was lightening you.

You smile too, as you see him getting closer and placing a sweet, slow kiss on your lips. Matt grabs the blanket and cover you, as you feel yourself tired.

“Matt, it was perfect” You say in a low and sweet voice, he smiles and pushes you closer to him.

His hand on your waist and his breathing on your neck was the perfect scenario, and you slowly falls asleep.

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #smut #matthew sturniolo

[thecrowsart]

👁️🦎🎯

(crops under cut)

#natsume yuujinchou #matoba seiji #natori shuuichi #horrible exorcists #sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol #usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking #anyway FUCK architecture #really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand #but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol #ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene #and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself #but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos? #his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer...... #tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk #meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol #hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid #he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like. #it's weird for him to not be matoba #anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and #i had a specific composition in mind #i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo #but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably #btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage. #and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so #i chose architecture LOL #okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair #im doing my best LOL.........but boy #OKAY im done

[ankhisms]

can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon

#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it #feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes #feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle #with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy #for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard #for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels #weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own #various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very #vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable #tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does #relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass #but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall

[derpinette]

i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of

#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration #just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming #the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness #eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing #what a damn chore #so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked #i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED. #i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please... #i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace #but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know #anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes #so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really #trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway... #the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever #JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess #light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings #also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL #so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me #but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace #sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general #oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body #& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks #like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman #& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

#.mei chats #soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain #i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent #i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them #and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself #but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back #trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do #Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms #or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!! #<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect #in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly. #they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid. #god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now #i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all #so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do #god this got long. sawry #.not f/o related

[ladsofsorrow24]

one of the... weirdly good thing about AI art invading the illustration field is that now, whenever i look at art that doesn't cater to my weird fucking taste, i'm able to appreciate the efforts and creativity that are put into making the artist's own personal vision come to life

#i don't like talking about this whole shit because its fucking tiring #but damn if there's one good thing about AI art to me as an artist myself #its that it makes me appreciate other artists despite our difference in taste or aesthetic #because... dude drawing is hard #no matter what handicapped you got #me personally? i'm struggling a lot with my arms and chest pain lately #add into the whole general anxiety shit and my motivation to draw goes haywire #yet... when i actually able to draw... refine parts of the art i'm currently working on #it makes me realized how much i enjoyed doing this #and the thought that other artists who i admired also able to experience this joy too #idk i feel some sort of camaraderie with them #so yeah i think people should try to learn how to draw than steal other people's art just to scam others #tmi tag

[bo0zey]

Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening

OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.

sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.

i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .

#i have an idea but i’m not sure if it’ll work...imma need mcr 2 pull thru n meet me halfway on this 1 lol #anywyas i h8 talking abt riot fest i feel like every1 h8s me whining abt it too lol #i was so angry and upset with the world and myself. i really tried so hard to stay conscious; #ppl were asking if i was ok & i kept nodding yes because i didn’t want to be pulled out of the pit bc #then i’d lose my spot + my ONLY chance to see MCR live & so up close. #next thing i know i’m being pulled over the barrier by security and WHOOSH into dissociationville i go. #they were too much for my brain to handle so i’d just fall back even more into that weird dissociated state #i honestly would have preferred to not have even attended the concert. like HONESTLY 100% deadass i wish i didnt even go. #like imagine urself in my shoes lol i went from being 2nd row from the stage to like 70000 rows away. #yall dont understand how awful it is to have such a golden opportuntiy to be 1 hr n a few feet away from the band who saved u #to having it all ripped away from u in literally a matter of seconds #if i’d just stayed home my 12y/o little wouldn’t have had to experience the psychological trauma of having everything to having nothing. #my 15/16 year old teen wouldnt have had to re-live the experience of realizing there’s nothing left #in this world to comfort/protect/save her OR her childself #22 year old me realizing i failed them and all the other parts of me. i cant be happy i cant have shit in this world #i couldnt have my mom but at least i had mcr right??? nope lol that got ripped out of my fingertips too #i cant even begin to describe the emotional damage/psychological blow the situation had on me bc like #i cant even put it into words and i know nobody will truly understand/believe me when i say how heartbreaking & detrimental this #situation was for my already fucked up psyche. or they’ll think im exaggerating but its like u dont get it #ive lost so many things and people i spent my entire childhood/adolescence maladaptive daydreaming. #at age 12 mcr became my escapism for ~4yrs straight bc they were the only thing that made me happy #while all the other ppl in the real world in my day to day life were making me wanna kms everyday #like ik it sounds extreme/dramatic but ??? i mean i dont even fully understand my reaction tbh. #i think its just mcr used to be my happy place n then i get to see them live and its just an absolute nightmare #and the fact that i was dissociated from their concert when they used to be the only thing to keep me grounded to this earth??? #truly i wish i didnt even go like i cant even listen to their music anymore without wanting to crawl out of my skin #when the only thing that made u feel alive made u feel deader than ever inside....yeahhhhh not fun!! #its a heartsinking feeling i hate it so much i wish i had a doever #mcr #when will mcr return from the war

[no1ryomafan]

I be semi back into mega man and I’ve been thinking about why-despite it objectively being more known-it was harder to get people into compared to getter and I think it’s chalked up to the gameplay comes first over any story stuff. MM lore is still insane and a funny rabbit hole to fall into but its not what people think about when they think about this franchise past a basic plot summary, they think about a grueling platformer with freedom to do the stages in any order. But playing all these games, especially if platformers aren’t you thing, doesn’t give you all the lore context given this was a series made in the late 80s and continued up to the 2010s, so pieces of lore were kept to manuals or sometimes even interviews. Sure, a lot of people are use to outside sources for lore, but given how many games there are even if you could pretty much take away the first series out of it to make it seem clearer, you still have to deal with the fact the lord didn’t really pick up until the third platformer because X didn’t know if it wanted to be episodic like classic or actually be more serious- which among other reasons lead it to probably be the messiest series in terms of lore. And then there’s the fact you can’t even recommend someone to read a manga or watch a anime for lore retellings because all of the mangas basically are their own takes of games and anime? Lol despite some games having animated cutscenes the ones who got the anime privilege was the RPG games which everyone in the lore circles always ignore because it’s a separate timeline.

Basically: Mega Man really be “gameplay first, lore bits second” and given I meet a lot of people who don’t play many platformers/are good at them, + the factor there's multiple fucking series which makes it slightly confusing or overwhelming to a outsider, yeah me recommending niche mecha show that’s somewhat convoluted tends to be the better option.

#meg text #mega man #rockman #mm is honestly more of a interest I keep to myself even if I should mention it more #because I don’t want people to think I’m just getter #but it’s kinda hard when- it’s like this lol #it’s not as messy as KH and FNAF in terms of lore but it’s harder to beat those #but it’s main issue is nothing smoothly connects even if within a series context it’s fine to be stand alone #it’s just they never played it or when they did something had to go wrong #looking at you Capcom when you decided to continue mmx after x5 #when the plan was to end it there and tie to zero but this threw a hole into everything #though also recalling how legends wasn’t supposed to be canon but made canon bc of the inti games is funny #we never see the gap bridged and there’s some confusing details between them so you could technically just ignore legends #but then you realize in ZX “oh wait humans are becoming robotic and everyone in legends is human-robot hybrids” #it worked out in their favor compared to other things even if it’s sad will never see it tie perfectly #also on the end subject with the side material the lore fandom needs to stop ignoring BN/SF #it’s especially saddening how much Starforce gets flanked for “not tieing to BN well” when IT HAS A FUCKED UP TIE IN THE FIRST GAME #the scene late game where all the PETs are in a dumpster- that saids so much #but also starforce has interesting lore in itself even if it’s not connected to the main series and vastly different #aliens and em waves are cool you guys just SUCK #I was also gonna add a rant about Capcom and how they did too many series here but this is too many tags

[gattmammon]

So the molecule change is going badly

#i know this is the worst moment because im taking halved dosage of both meds #so my serotonin receptors are like. what exactly are we doing. and im hurting all over which is a sympthom of duloxetina withdrawal for me. #but fuck i had NOT realized how much the drug contributed to keeping my will to live up throughout the day #its kind of disappointing #this feels like way back in the days when i was just rawdogging life and its. uuuuh no good #both my general doctor and my job gave me shit about how many times ive been missing work #and like. i cannot say anything beyond im sorry #because depression is so hard to explain. people dont accept 'i just could not bring myself to be a human today' as a valid excuse #like literally i kept thinking. j need to do this and that. but my body was like. nah #and like this job is my pride and joy. i had a spotless fucking record. im so sad and angry at myself #i just hope that when i start taking full dosage of the new meds things will smooth themselves over

[8rujaa]

okay, i might let people in

#i’ve been nonstop talking to this person for a few days now #like nonstop we’ll have multiple convos going at once and having to use voice messages to catch up to everything lol #our conversations have yet to die since the first one we’ve had #it feels very very very refreshing to find someone who can keep up #and we have so many things in common but like i’ve always found myself to be a lil weird and have out of the ordinary interests #not trying to say that ‘i’m not like other girls’ LMFAO but it’s hard to find ppl with this many things in common #like one or two things i get but we’ve been able to connect on so many things #even like chronic pain which like is nice to find someone who understands #so now i’m like actually excited for the first time about meeting someone #i’m very very excited and they’re so so so sweet #i feel like i can always tell who’s been in therapy because we tend to carry conversations in a similar way … does that make sense??? 🤣 #like u know how there’s ‘gentle parenting’ #i feel like there’s a specific way people who have been in therapy speak to others #they’re always so mindful of boundaries and also reciprocal #in conversations #we also have the same taste in music which is wild cuz i listen to every genre in existence and music from many different languages/culture #our spotify blend goes crazy 🤣🤣 #we’ve only been talking for a week so i’m trying not to get my hopes up but im just excited 😆😆😆 #lmao but like even if we just end up becoming friends i’m still happy to meet someone who’s so similar :D #i’ve been wanting friends who also struggle with the same things so we can do selfcare things together or maybe just chill on high pain day #and we will know how to be there for each other a little better than ppl who don’t get it.. i crave that real bad 🥲 #i realize i sound delulu as fuck cuz i haven’t even met them in person but i can already tell we’re going to get along 😌😌😌😌 #i’m aware of how delulu i sound and maybe i’m getting my hopes up but it truly does feel like i was waiting for someone like this 🥹