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radramblog · 3 years

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Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon is basically OK

Recently, I’ve partaken in some kind of cultural exchange with a friend of mine- namely, I’ve lent her my copies of the Scott Pilgrim novels (god do they kick ass), and she’s lent me her copy of Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon, seeing as I never played it at the time.

Well I’ve now beaten this game, and I have some thoughts about it, so chop chop Keara the story isn’t getting any younger I expect a full book report on my desk next Sunday.

Jokes aside, this was my first experience with a PMD game since Sky (discounting the demo for Gates to Infinity), and having missed the series’s third entry (fourth if you count those Japan-only WiiWare games), it’d be remiss of me not to at least mention that maybe some of the things I’m going to complain about were originally that game’s fault. But apparently that one actively sucks ass so who cares, just shift the blame over, eh?

(ah, primary-school-tier bullying, exactly what I want in my Pokemon game, cool)

I think one of the foremost issues people have about PSMD is the story, and I can’t help but agree. The game spends what feels like forever fucking about in Serene Village, doing what could charitably described as tutorial followed by slice-of-life-ish plots, and while I love me a good slice-of-life anime, those tend to be a lot less slow than this. Also the characters tend to be a lot less one-note, but it’s a kids game, so whatever. Speaking of kids, this to my knowledge is the only PMD game where you and your partner character are canonically children, and spend a lot of time around others. The game seems to establish unevolved Pokemon as kids, which while it doesn’t really add up with the rest of the series (e.g. in the first ones, Caterpie is clearly a child, but Metapod is as well and Gulpin is at least adult enough to run their own store), it would ultimately be excusable if it didn’t make that huge section of the game so boring.

They aren’t consistent with that kids thing, by the way. When you finally reach the Expedition society, you’re met with a bunch of unevolved Pokemon (Archen, Buizel, Bunnelby, Swirlix) that are running around behaving very youthfully, who then turn around and go hey we don’t allow kids in our gang please leave. Like, the plot had been leading me to believe that the whole place was shut down, Ampharos as its final member, and those kids were just running around an abandoned building, but nope, here are your teammates for the rest of the game.

(brown sus)

The remainder of the plot is basically fine, its not like the plots in this series are the greatest on the planet (save maybe Explorers), though the focus on the villains turning people into stone felt pretty awkward. It’s like they wanted to pull off a more dramatic, more personal-stakesy plot but couldn’t actually kill anyone. This gets kind of egregious when you end up in actual hell for a bit, in what I guess is the series tradition of potentially traumatic experiences and blasted hellscapes being exposed to the protagonists. The endgame plot all seems to come at you at once, not helped by it being lots of chained dungeons without returning to towns beforehand- it wouldn’t be as bad if the whole game was like this, but with such a slow start, it just feels so inconsistent. The endgame twist was pretty spicy, I’ll admit, but it didn’t have enough buildup to feel earned in my honest opinion.

(pictured: the best character in the game)

But the plot doesn’t matter so much as the gameplay does it? And as someone who has also concurrently been playing through the first Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game on my GBA, there’s a lot of interesting comparisons to make. The dungeons on the whole are shorter in PSMD, with few of the main-game ones reaching beyond 10 floors (and not going much past it) compared to the prequels’ capping off with a 25+5 floor behemoth in Sky Tower. This is made up for by every floor of the dungeons in PSMD feeling much larger and more labyrinthine than anything in other PMD games, meaning each one takes much longer than you’d think. I dread to imagine what the 99-floor dungeons are like in this game, especially considering you now need an item to quicksave the game if you want to do anything else now. The dungeons themselves additionally really do not feel like they’ve taken advantage of the 9 years of potential design improvements and two console generations of technology improvements between games- it is frustratingly same-old same-old in the dungeon design.

These problems are capped off with the increased difficulty- that is, that every individual Pokemon is significantly more of a threat to you than in previous games, and you don’t really get the opportunity to level grind much. And I’m not opposed to difficulty in games, obviously, but what it does in PSMD is ruin the flow of the gameplay for me. What works in Mystery Dungeons previous was that blend of exploration and combat, and in Super, that gets completely broken up by protracted encounters with even the chump-tier mons you encounter along the way. Also, they made the basic attack complete shit, and I don’t like that.

That’s not to say that the gameplay is all bad. I won’t comment too heavily on the Looplet/Emera system, because I’m kinda mid on it, but it didn’t help that despite all the game’s tutorialising I still didn’t get part of it until most of the way through the story. The game does have some moments of genuine brilliance in design, though. The way you recruit more Pokemon is so much better than the luck-based mission of the previous games, wihle managing to actually make you want to go on the random missions you get thrown throughout the game- for one thing they aren’t random, but it means you have a guaranteed good reward instead of the semi-RNG system where you just end up with a bunch of Gravelerocks and berries you’ll never use. In addition, the system where on non-plot days (and in the postgame) you just get 3 random Pokemon recommended to you, that get bonus EXP if you use them that day, is a great way of encouraging the player to diversify their Pokemon usage substantially, which is nice.

There’s a few other nice gameplay things I’d like to highlight. Considering the increased difficulty, the ability to rescue yourself (read: come back with the overpowered mons the game dropped in your lap) is really nice, especially since it’s not like anyone else is playing these games who can help. The way moves get better the more you use them is nice, especially considering how much more you use one move over and over in this game compared to main series Pokemon games. The random bonus missions and travelling mons you encounter in dungeons are nice, as well as the increased variety in missions available- as well as actually being able to revive fallen escortees, it makes the mission system overall much stronger than in previous entries.

Beyond that, though, I’m not sure what else I have to say about Super Mystery Dungeon. The game is a decent entry in what can barely be called a franchise these days, considering it’s 6 years old and yet still the newest entry, excluding the remake of the first ones that came out last year. It’d be a shame if this was the note we went out on for Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, but to be fair, I don’t think they’re ever going to be able to recapture the magic of the first two games. They struck gold with a lot of people, but I guess at this point, the gleam wore off.

#ramble #video games #pokemon #psmd #pokemon mystery dungeon

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chiyuukiaru · 4 years

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In regards to the newest chapter of Haikyuu!!, can I say how happy I am that Furudate sensei hasn't shown any "quite decent players, probably could go pro, but anyway they didn't for this or that reason" in pro careers?!

It would be so unrealistic and looks more like fanservice than a solid storyline.

Of course, by me saying that, it means I do have a list (?) of people that I think will and won’t go pro. Yes, I know, unless I am Furudate, I can’t really pinpoint who will be pro athletes and who won’t be. But I believe, we as dedicated fans, can all at least make some sensible guesses about that.

Now, moving on. The players that I actually think would go pro so far have appeared in manga as pros (cheers me!). As for the rest of them, I’ll try to break it down by teams coz it’s easier and tidier. Mind you, I’m not athletic and can’t do any sports at all. So technique-wise, I can’t explain much. I go by intuition and deep thinking for pretty much all of my guesses below. So if you’re going to read my analysis (?) or opinion (?), please don’t be too harsh on me just because I can’t give you the logical reasons behind it. Maybe, I should apologize in advance for this.

Karasuno (brace yourself, it’s gonna be long)

Kageyama is the first one. I honestly can’t see any other career choice for him except going pro and finally be a coach after he retired. Kageyama has been playing and practicing volleyball the longest, since he was 7 (Hoshiumi too). And this is the reason why he’s so far ahead of everyone. Also, he’s even worse than Hinata in school, so there’s no way he went to university to me. So, pro it is.

Aside from Kageyama (and Hinata, but I believe I don’t need to explain Hinata to you coz we’re currently the viewers of his journey to be a professional player), I can only see Nishinoya going pro. For me, he stands in the same category as Kageyama. And he’s not going to university with a brain like his. Not trying to be rude or belittling him, but I just can’t see Nishinoya voluntarily enrolling in college. Other than that, Nishinoya is one of the best Libero in the series. It still bothers me even to this day, that he wasn’t invited to the Youth Camp with Kageyama. But I think I understand why: there are just too many great Liberos and The Youth Camp wouldn’t be able to hold everyone there. Besides, there’s the “positioning after receiving thing” that Kageyama had to tell him. Who knows if Nishinoya has been doing that for so long?! An observant scouting staff or professional coach would definitely think it’s a minus point. And there’s the suspension he got too. Idk about other countries much, but I know how Japan really takes care of their background and portfolio. His suspension may be not for something dangerous like drugs, but it definitely marred his resume for the Youth Camp a bit. But Nishinoya has moved past that now and pro career is not so impossible for him.

For the other 2nd years: Tanaka, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita, they probably won’t go pro. Tanaka has a higher chance though, and deep down I want him to shine more in volley, but I still don’t think so. Tanaka & Kinoshita look like they will go straight down to labor working right after graduation. Ennoshita & Narita were in class 4 and can be assumed as pretty smart, so college and office working probably.

Tbh, I actually can see Asahi be a pro. But, he’s a bit tricky. It all depends on whether he got scouted after Spring High or not. Coz he already chose not to go to university, so it is not impossible as well. As for the rest of the 3rd years, no. I think they have other things (or a career) that they want to pursue and they are smart enough to do it (Daichi and Suga were both in college preparatory class). Though, I would love to see Daichi graduating from sport science or something and go back to Karasuno and be an assistant coach hehe.

For first years, I don’t think Tsukishima & Yamaguchi will go pro. Same like Daichi & Suga, I believe they both have a dream job in their mind, hence why they chose to go to university. Ofc, they can go pro after graduation, but I have little faith in it. Now, I think Tsukishima wanted to be an archaeologist or something along the line (all those dinosaurs!!!), I would be so happy if it turned out to be true.

Aoba Johsai

Except Oikawa, I honestly don’t think the rest of Seijoh will be pros. Maybe Iwaizumi or Kyoutani, but the others, not so much. On a side note, Oikawa (and Hinata) is the most surprising outta the rest of the Haikyuu!! characters. I mean, I never would’ve thought that he’d fly to Argentina and join a league there. I always think he’d join a Japan team. But I love the element of surprise, so I guess it’s fine.

Datekou

Aone has the best chance. Simply because he has all the necessary skills. But he’s so quiet I can’t guess anything from him. I could be wrong, really. Futakuchi and Koganegawa aren’t so bad either, but Idk tho.

Johzenji

I have no idea, truthfully. But I’m leaning more toward the opinion that no one from the team will continue playing professionally.

Kakugawa

I really really wish Hyakuzawa going pro. He’s blessed with the height and also power. With enough practice, he’ll be great. But that’s just my wishful thinking. I can’t really guess him, similar to Aone.

Shiratorizawa

Ushijima is another one of my “definitely going pro people”. He’s just a complete package. He has the sense, the height, the power, the… everything. It would be a big waste for him to just stop. And Ushijima is a volleyball baka too, so he loves the sport too much to not continue playing.

I also think that Goshiki might try to get into pro teams too, maybe after completing college. I don’t think he’d stop just like that. I mean, after Ushijima retired, Shiratorizawa never went to National again. I think that hit him hard. Especially because Ushijima left the team on his hand as the next ace. I would really love to see Goshiki improving himself and kinda get a revenge by getting much much better than before. But, if he doesn’t go pro, it won’t be really disappointing to me. After all, Haikyuu!! always tries to be as close as possible to real life, and in real life not every good player can be pro.

Tendou is a no no. He said he’d stop and he wouldn’t lie about it. Shirabu is confusing, but I think he’d stop in high school or maybe university. He’s not a bad setter, he’s good, but even within Shiratorizawa, his ability is not better than Semi. He was the starting setter just because he was able to blend into the background and be a support for Ushijima so he could shine. So, I really don’t think he got scouted or still pursuing Ushijima.

For the rest of Shiratorizawa, we didn’t see much of them so I can’t make clear guesses. I apologize once again.

Nekoma

Nekoma is also a bit confusing. But, I could see Lev go pro. He’s not super duper amazing per se (I say this based on his performance up to National, idk how he is now okay), but he has the talent and all those height and power. His progress is fast too. I think it’d catch the scouting agents’ attention.

Now, Kenma definitely wouldn’t go pro and we’re shown that XD. Surprise though, I always had a headcanon that he’d be a pro gamer or secretly doing stock trading. Just never thought he’d be a YouTuber and a company board member (or is it CEO?!). Imagine my feeling when my “simply headcanon” became real.

Kuroo is a bit like Asahi, but I honestly believe he is really smart and probably wanna do something else. I wish Yaku would go pro coz he’s a really top caliber Libero (and I would really like to watch his rivalry with Nishinoya grow more), but he didn’t really show much “ambition” for professional career for me. The rest of the members wouldn’t go pro too imo.

Fukurodani

Now, as much as it breaks my heart to say this, I don’t think Akaashi is going pro. He gives me “doctor/scientist/basically high and smart position vibe” somehow. And he’s very clever as well (all those thinking he does lmao), I think he’d pursue something else. So volleyball stopped in high school or university for him. Idk about the rest of Fukurodani though. I definitely wanna see more of Konoha, but the chance is small.

Bokuto >>> pro for me. Been that for a long time. He doesn’t strike me as academically gifted, but I can be wrong ofc. He could: a) straight going pro after high school or b) finished college then go pro. Either way, he’s definitely pro athletes material.

Inarizaki

Atsumu (I’ll call him Atsumu to differentiate him with his twin, even though I prefer last name tbh) also >>> pro. The reason is pretty similar to Ushijima/Kageyama/Bokuto. He’s just that good. Oh on this, I really should mention that I believe all the Youth Camp candidates are going to be or already pros (this by extension means Sakusa & Komori from Itachiyama).

For the rest of Inarizaki, the ones that will be pro are Aran and Osamu. Aran is awesome and one of the best 5 aces in the nation. I know he would get scouted. Whether he go pro after high school or after finishing college, idk. But he will be pro. I would riot if he isn’t. And for Osamu, it would be really cool if he goes to a different team than his twin and they will fight it out on court.

On a side note, Kita is one of my favorite characters and he’s the one that from personality and mindset, can resonate the most with me. But tbh, I’m certain he’s not gonna go pro.

Kamomedai

The only Kamomedai members that would be pro for me are Hoshiumi and Hakuba. Hirugami is high level himself ofc, but idk, I didn’t get the pro ambition vibe from him, similar to Yaku.

Hoshiumi is another one in my list that I think would be revealed as a pro. He’s small, yes, but there’s a wing spiker in Japan National Men’s Volleyball Team that’s around 178cm, and I believe Hoshiumi has grown around this height too. I mean, Hinata has reached 171cm, so it’s possible that Hoshiumi has grown taller as well. Besides, he’s really really really good. He has one of the highest overall skill after Kageyama. He only lose in power coz well, he’s smaller. After all, there’s the promise he made to Hinata. So a showdown between them will definitely happen. So, I think it’s safe to assume Furudate will make him a pro athlete.

Hakuba >>> same vibe as Lev and Hyakuzawa. He’s tall af. Not many people can reach 2 meters (especially Japanese), so he’d bring an advantage for any pro teams.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention Kiryuu. He’s definitely going pro (or he already is?). I really really like and admire him. His character is so wholesome and amazing, he deserves the best. And that translates to the best career too. I would be so disappointed if he isn’t a pro.

There’s also Tsubakihara High School that Karasuno fought in the first round National. Out of those players, the ace (Teradomari) and their wing spiker (Maruyama) have the best chance to get scouted. But there’s little information that we have about them, so I’m not sure. Furudate might not bring them back to the present. This also applies to Ubugawa and Shinzen High School captains from the training camp. Oh, Daishou-kun is also an interesting character, I would love to see him again. But maybe he won’t come back as pro player tho. But him giving commentaries will be very appreciated hehe.

PS: I kinda wish Furudate was a fic writer, lol. They would be able to write absolute masterpiece of crack-pair fics considering how they are able to make sense of Bokuto-Atsumu and Ushijima-Kageyama, lmao. Who else after this? Hoshiumi-Sakusa? Nishinoya-Kiryuu? XD

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tracklist-fic · 6 years

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Tracklist Fic | 0 / Prelude

Title: Tracklist | An original, mature, Ed Sheeran fanfic CO-AUTHORED BY: @tea-and-toblerones and @sippin-on-red-wine Rating: Mature (SMUTS my dahhhling, SMUTS)

Note: ARE YOU GUYS FREAKING OUT????!!! CAUSE WE ARE! This will be a full-fledged Chapter fic. We are DYING to know what you think so please comment/reblog/inbox/anon and spill the beans!

"You nervous Jac? Today's the big day. The first client you'll handle yourself. Now this is a big step but I have faith you'll do just fine."

I took a deep breath in an attempt to hide my nerves. This was the first day I was at the controls. I had been looking forward to this day for weeks. As soon a Mark had brought up that he'd be comfortable letting me handle stuff solo or as he described it guidance from afar, I felt the butterflies hit. It's what I've been working so hard towards. Now that it was finally happening I couldn't believe it. He paused outside the recording room, his hand on the door knob.

"Now, I've put you with our easiest client. They're laid back, not harsh, not overly critical. They're patient and are completely understanding." They must be the closest thing to training wheels I get. "They're also very hands on with the whole process so you'll be working pretty long days elbow to elbow with them." His voice grew a little sterner, "Now I will be checking over your work to make sure it's up to snuff and will sit in on a few sessions just to make sure you're doing everything correctly." His face broke into a smile, all previous sternness gone. "Now, are you ready to see who you're going to be working with?"

I nod, taking another deep breath, my excitement levels creeping up to near maximum. This is it. My dream is finally coming true. This is my first big step in the music world.

Mark opens the door, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with who's ever on the other side of the door. He turns back to me, motioning for me to come in. My eyes grow wide in shock when I'm staring Ed Sheeran in the face. I thought I had caught a glimpse of surprise flash behind his eyes but whatever I saw was quickly replaced with a warm and friendly smile.

Oh no.

"Jac, I'd like you to meet Ed." Mark smiles, practically bouncing with excitement. Oh no, no... "Ed, this is my intern and apprentice Jaclyn."

Ed offered out his hand, which I took, the shock still evident on my face. Ed smiled as he grasped my hand "It's a pleasure to meet you. Jaclyn. I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine."

This can't be happening.

Mark laughed, clapping his hands together, the sudden loud noise making me flinch. "I knew you'd be surprised that it's such a huge powerhouse in the music world. It was worth keeping it all a surprise from you just to see your reaction! Not only is he huge, this is his big album after coming back from a year's hiatus!" He was still beaming, "We won't start anything serious until tomorrow so I'll leave you two to figure out scheduling and whatever else might need ironed out." He shook Ed's hand one more time before walking out the door.

As soon as Mark left I sank down into the couch, grinding the heels of my hands into my eyes. I hear Ed’s footsteps growing closer to me. I expected to feel the couch sag beside me but the soft shuffle told me he had decided to perch himself on the table instead. I raised my head to see him staring at me with a smug look on his face, his arms coming up, crossing his chest.

"Fancy meeting you here, Jac."

This is a nightmare.

THE NIGHT BEFORE…..

It was just a typical Wednesday night at Copperstill, the bourbon bar I worked at part-time to help pad my lowly intern-salary. It had that 'modern rustic’ vibe that’s so on-trend, which basically means it's filled with expensive new pieces that are made to look old and scuffed up. Whatever. It was more than supplemental to my income, and that's what mattered. It wasn't uncommon to see well-known or well-off patrons in the bar, which meant Big Tips. That's what I'm about.

Unfortunately one of the regular customers is my skeezy ex-boyfriend, Dylan, and his little posse of frat-boy idiot friends. They drink cheap beer, shoot pool, call each other by their last names only.. and oh, they don't tip well.

When Dylan (Newman, to his 'bros’) and I broke up, he actually tried to 'claim’ this bar as his, saying it's the main hangout for his 'crew’. Even though I’ve worked here for years. Asshat. Obviously I'm not quitting the job that pays most of my bills, so here we are, unwillingly spending a lot of time sharing the same oxygen.

I wasn't proud to admit that it hadn't exactly been a clean break, if you know what I mean. There's a fair bit of alcohol DRINKING involved with being the person doing the alcohol SERVING, what a novel idea. Anyway, that usually meant that by the end of the night, I was buzzed and a little horny. Dylan was an asshat, sure, but he still had a six pack. What can I say, your girl's got needs. And he can be really great, sometimes. I hadn't really gotten closure from our messy break-up.

But Dylan was in rare form tonight, hitting on a particularly fake-looking blonde in the bar. Fun times.

At least it was pretty steady, plenty of patrons coming in and out. I was slinging drinks left and right and time had been flying. Until I noticed a certain ginger-haired celebrity quietly slip in and take a seat at the bar.

His signature tattoos were covered by the long sleeves of a plaid flannel shirt, buttons agape, hanging open, a plain white tee peeking out underneath. He was semi-incognito in a black baseball cap, but his coppery-red hair was untidy and stuck out in tufts under his hat. I took his order and hearing the British accent made it official: Ed Sheeran was in my bar… alone.

We often had lesser-known or less recognizable celebrities here, not quite anyone of his caliber. I mean, there's only one #1 streamed artist in the world and… yup, he’s it. But between my experience at the bar, and the handful of popular musicians I had worked with so far in my internship, I wasn't too badly starstruck. In the beginning it had surprised me how these people were just… people. They talked about the weather or news and ate the same things I did and overall, just wanted to be treated normally. And so I got Ed Sheeran a cold pint and went about my job.

“Yo! Jac! Round of Snakebites for the boys?” Dylan just shouted clear across the bar, instead of coming up and ordering something like a decent human being. I pretended not to hear him. I'm a bartender, not a medieval beer wench.

I was at the end of the bar refilling the beer cooler when I noticed Ed trying to flag me down, so I wiped my hands on my jean shorts and made my way over to where he was perched up on his barstool.

“Hi again. Do you have food here?” He asked, rather politely. I reached back next to the till and grabbed a menu.

“Not a huge selection, but everything we have is great. Here, have a look,” and I casually handed him the one-sheet menu. He glances at it quickly.

“Alright, I'll have the loaded fries, please. But could you do salsa on the side? And maybe skip the bacon, oh and and I don’t like the onions. Actually, no jalapenos either, please, I got wicked heartburn last time I had them.”

“So… you want cheese fries?”

“Well, we call it ‘chips & cheese’ in England but.. erm, yeah, I guess I do.”

“No problem, I'll put that in for you. Shouldn't take too long… cause, y’know.. No toppings.”

He snorted, apparently able to laugh at his own expense. I appreciated that about him.

“Say, is this satellite TV?” He asked, pointing up to the neat row of flatscreens mounted above the bar. I nodded. “Could you turn the football game on?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s Wednesday, there’s no football on tonight.” I grimaced internally, realizing that I actually knew the days of the week that NFL games were played. Another awesome thing I gained from my relationship with Douchey Dylan.

“No, love, football. Footie? Soccer?” First of all, who ya calling ‘love’, buddy? Second, he was flailing his hands all around as he talked. Kinda weird.

“Oh, yeah, I gotcha. You’ve been away from America too long, evidently.”

“It’s my first week back, actually, I’ve been--”

“Away. Out of the spotlight for a while.” I finished for him, matter-of-factly. I caught a glimpse of the macho men behind Ed’s shoulder doing some kind of secret bro handshake.

“How’d you…?”

“Who doesn’t know? Wasn’t born yesterday, man. Shit, do people ever really pretend not to know who you are? You don’t exactly blend into a crowd, no offense.”

“Cheers to that,” He held up his pint glass to toast me.

“Oh, I’m not drinking tonight.”

Just then, one of Dylan’s friends moseyed up onto the bar. He was wearing a light-wash denim jeans, the kind that are distressed before you buy them, and a super tight black tee shirt. It looked like it came from Baby Gap.

“Where are the Snakebites?” he asked.

“Uh, no one ordered any?” I retorted.

“Didn’t you hear Newman before?”

I rolled my eyes and went to work making a tray of the disgusting shots. The sour, gold liquid sloshed out of the shot glasses on the tray when I slid it back in front of one of the gorilla guys. “Thirty eight dollars.” The guy threw down two crumpled twenty dollar bills, took the tray and left.

“You’re right, I have been away from America a long time. Do people talk to you like that all time?” Ed asked.

“No, they’re just a special kind of stupid.” I shrugged, tilting my head over to the group of guys.

I cashed out the shots order at the register and then decided to pour myself a cocktail after all. The bar had cleared out a little bit, and to be honest, I needed a little something to take the edge off. Especially if I was going to have to watch Dylan subtly flexing his muscles in front of the blonde bimbo he was trying to impress.

I mixed myself a double and stuck a straw in, taking a long sip.

“Changed your mind about that drink?” Ed Sheeran piped in again. Probably shouldn’t have come to the bar alone if you’re in a chatty mood, pal.

“Turns out I’m gonna need it.”

“What’s that you’re drinking?”

“I call it a Painkiller. Vodka, tequila and grapefruit juice.”

“I’ll take one of those next, please.”

Ed ……..

She seemed like a really cool girl. Something feisty about her, too. ‘Spose you need that to be a bartender, especially since douche-bag fuckboys tended to travel in packs. Watching her work had won my attention over the footie match. She was polite to other patrons, but not overly peppy or talkative. All about business. I cracked up when one of the Ed Hardy jean-wearing guys put on some kind of EDM song on the TouchTunes, and she promptly switched it off and replaced it with a Jimi Hendrix tune, Watchtower.

I couldn’t help but admire her long, toned legs, her skin tanned from the California sun. She was wearing these high-waisted denim shorts that fit her body like a glove, and this pretty white tanktop that was all made up of rope and straps in the back, her tan skin peeking through the whole way down. But the shirt was modest in the front and she had finished off the outfit with a pair of teal blue chucks. Her sandy-blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail high on her head, the long waves spilling out and running down her neck. Her eyes were green, I think. I wanted to get a closer look.

She was gorgeous, no argument there.

I watched her pull out a tube of chapstick and apply some to her lips, which looked full and soft and were a pale raspberry color. I found myself first wondering what they would taste like…. And as she tucked the little tube back down into the denim of her shorts, fitted so snugly on her tight hips, I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like in other places, too...

Jac……..

A couple hours had passed. Dylan was open-mouthed kissing the blonde in front of the dart board while several of his ‘bros’ cheered him on. I’d had enough Painkillers that I knew I would most definitely have a headache at work in the morning. And Ed Sheeran just seemed to get chattier and chattier the more he drank. Which is great, unless you’re a miserable, sarcastic bitch, like myself. Blonde Bimbo was all giggles and lip bites and pouty faces. All that stuff was so not me. No wonder you’re going home alone, J.

“... so yeah, it’s at this really cool old theatre, ‘The Time’, have you heard of it?” Oh, was Ed still talking?

“Sorry, what?” You asked, not bothering to hide the fact that you totally weren’t paying attention.

He laughed. “You seem distracted.”

“Sorry,” I wasn't sure what to say. Sorry, my ex-boyfriend-still-lover has practically unlatched his jaw to suck face with a Barbie-doll lookalike right in front of me? Sorry, you're a Grammy-award winning singer/songwriter and even *that* can't snap me out of the downward spiral I'm in?

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe get a proper drink when you're off work, catch a movie or something?”

Wait, what?

“Are you seriously asking me out?” I asked, incredulously. “Uh, you don't even know my name.”

“Well, yeah, I guess I am innit?” He flashed a dopey grin my way.

“Hey, I’m flattered, I’m just not really… looking...”

“Have you got a boyfriend?” He asked.

“Nope.”

“Girlfriend?”

I could feel my face getting flushed. Was Ed Sheeran seriously asking me on a date? He shifted his posture and ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it up again. I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to do that to him...

I snapped back to reality.

“Nope. Just not really looking to, ah, date, right now.”

“Does that mean you're open to other… activities?” Ed shrugged off the flannel shirt, exposing the rainbow designs splashed all up and down his arms. Was he suddenly warm, or trying to illustrate a point?

Either way, it got my attention.

“I hadn't pegged you as a hit-it-and-quit-it kinda guy,” I replied, straightening my posture a bit. I was suddenly a little more aware of my physical presence, clad in short denim cutoffs that bordered on the line of distasteful, but kept the tip jar flowing.

“No -- I’m, that's not what I meant --” he stammered.

I glanced up at the clock. “Well, my shift is ending in about twenty minutes.” I said, matter-of-factly.

His jaw hung open a bit. “Okay. I'm do--, okay, yeah.”

“My place.”

“Okay. Are you going to tell me your name, now?”

“I don't really think you need my name, just for… activities.”

I had told Ed to meet outside by my car while I punched out. I slipped out the backdoor of the bar and sure enough, there he was, leaning up against my car with a sly grin painted across his face.

Okay, Jac, here's your last chance. Is this really a good idea? No? But he looks so… fucking sexy.

I crossed the small parking lot to where he was standing. I reached out to touch him, apprehensive at first, but then he pulled my face into his and his lips were on mine and they were pillow soft, but still rough and pressing on mine. All apprehension flew out the window at that moment.

The kiss breathed life into me, and I grasped his shoulders and pressed his back flat up against the side of my little SUV, letting my tongue implore his mouth, finally breaking that barrier. He was a really, really great kisser. His hands explored my body while our tongues explored each other's mouths. I really wanted to touch his silky mop of ginger hair, so I reached out and removed his ball cap, placing it backwards on my own head instead. He took advantage of my slight distraction and flipped me up against the car, his palms rubbing down my sides and onto my hips as I dug into that wild mess of red curls, threading my fingers through it, it's even better than I expected... He pressed the full length of his body against mine, and I was surprised to feel his cock already hardening through his jeans. Fucking hot.

I broke our connection, both of us coming up for air from that long and heady kiss. He pulled away from my body and I pouted instantly, I wanted him back, the pressure of his body felt so good, so right…

“How far is your place?” He breathed.

“Twenty minutes or so?” I was already panting.

“...Fuck.” Yeah, man, me too. Me. Too. Twenty minutes suddenly seemed like an eternity.

I grabbed the handle to the rear passenger door and swung it open. “In.” It wasn't a question.

He slipped into the warm, black leather backseat and I climbed up in after him, straddling his lap.

I could finally reach his mouth again and ravaged it with enthusiasm, the kiss turning more and more frenzied as my hips bucked around over the top of his pelvis.

He was the one to break away this time.“Damn… you are so beautiful… let me see you?” And he tugged up at the hem of my top, yanking it up and over my head.

My tank was sort of backless, so I hadn't worn a bra.

But Ed was all over me, his flattened hands running over my belly, my ribcage, my lower back, his mouth on my neck, and decolletage, then shoulder...

He stopped just short of my breasts, his hands pulling away from my body. “Please, just tell me your name?”

I deflected, burying my face into his neck and sucking on his sweet skin, relishing the feel of my nipples dragging across the soft fabric of his teeth shirt, the way my legs settled on either side of his lap.

His hands ran down my back now, instead, tracing my spine, his fingertips dancing over my skin. I took a little nip at the spot just below and behind his earlobe, and he moaned out into the backseat of my Jeep.

Even through both of our jeans I could feel the outline of his dick, straining at his zipper, wanting to break free.

“God damnit,” I cursed under my breath.

“What's wrong?” His voice was so sweet. You can drop the good-guy act, dude, we're about to fuck and never see each other again.

“I need to drive. Us. To my apartment. Right now.”

“You're going to need a shirt, then.”

He followed directly behind me on the stairs up to my apartment, I can only imagine he was staring at my ass as I climbed each step. I stopped in front of my door and pulled my keys out, Ed wrapped up my body from behind, his mouth on my neck, his hands sliding down my stomach, his erection pressed up against me. I finally found the right key and inserted it in the deadbolt.

As soon as the door swung open, it was game over. He slammed it shut behind us, locking the deadbolt again. His eyes were hungry, his lips painted a pretty kiss-stung shade of pink. He came at me, pulling my face up into his, those pretty lips crashing into my own as he walked me backwards until we were pressed up against the refrigerator in my tiny kitchen. Thankfully I had left the light on above the sink.

He quickly pulled off my tanktop again, this time going straight for my breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the little pink bud, sucking in. “Fuck,” I spat out, the sensation taking me by surprise. He replaced his mouth with two fingers, rolling my left nipple between them while his mouth moved to my other breast, repeating the same swirling and sucking while I gasped for air.

The door handle of the fridge was digging into my back, but I didn't even care, everywhere he was touching me was just buzzing. I wanted more.

“Bedroom,” I gasped out.

He removed his mouth, taking a step back. He looked 100% fuckable in that moment, the dim glow from the kitchen sink light illuminating all of his edges; the wiry scruff of his facial hair, his biceps clearly visible beneath the short sleeve of his white t-shirt.

I grabbed him by the hand and led him through my small apartment, into my small, cozy bedroom. The curtains were open, starlight pouring in through the window pane.

Ed closed my bedroom door behind us, and it was my turn to de-clothe him. I pulled his t-shirt up and over his head in one swift motion. The belt buckle was next, but my hands were trembling with urgency and I couldn't quite get it unclasped. He reached forward and did it for me, unbuttoning his jeans as soon as the belt buckle was freed. I took over from there, crouching down to yank his jeans and boxers down, watching in awe as his cute, fuzzy thighs appeared right before me. He picked up each foot in turn, letting me clear away the pile of fabric at each ankle.

I straightened back up and turned him around, walking him backwards toward my bed, then pushed him down onto it. He adjusted himself, dragging his body up the bed a bit until his head hit the pillows.

I shucked off my denim shorts, and the thong I wore underneath that was now soaked through with my arousal.

I crawled onto the bed, toward the headboard, and reached down to my nightstand to pull the little drawer open. I rummaged through it, reaching toward the back and found the little foil packet I was after.

I straddled Ed, clutching the little condom wrapper like it was my own personal Golden Ticket. His hands settled on my hips instantly, and I leaned into his neck again to suck and kiss and tease him, a strong little vein popping forward as he tilted his head back to release a soft groan.

Holy shit, his whole chest is tatted, I realized, as I shimmied down his body. The starlight was bright enough only to show me the mix of colors running over every inch of his chest, I couldn't make out what any of the designs were. Oh well.

Just a short trip down his belly and I found a soft trail of little coppery hairs leading to my prize: his cock, thick and rock-hard, curving up slightly toward his stomach. I tentatively wrapped my fingers around it and wow, was he ready to go. His cock literally pulsed in my hand as I tightened my grip. I had just intended to slip the condom on him but in that moment, fuck it, I just had to have a taste.

I let my lips fall open, tongue flattening as I lowered my mouth on his shaft. I flicked my tongue over his slit, then took his plump head in my mouth, lubricating it with my saliva. I let my tongue trace the outline of his ridge while my hand still grasped the base of his cock, pumping it softly. He was moaning again, his hips pushing up into my mouth.

I took his whole length into my mouth, and his hands crept up to my head, his hand gently grasping my ponytail. I bobbed up and down on his length a few times, taking his length deeper into my mouth on each pass.

I left a sloppy kiss over his head and eased off, sitting back on my heels. I ripped open the little foil packet and pulled the condom out, grasping the base of his cock as I rolled the little latex barrier down over his erection. “God, you look so sexy doing that…” his voice trailed off.

Once the condom was snugly covering his cock, I crawled forward, suspending my body over his. I leaned in for a quick kiss, biting his bottom lip as I pulled away.

I raised up my hips, gripping his shaft as I lined up my opening with his tip. I sank down slowly onto his cock, easing myself onto him inch by inch. His sex was so wide, so thick - he filled me up to the max, it was crazy hot. Ed apparently thought so too, as he took on a sharp breath and sputtered “...so tight, damn it…”

Once I had taken his full length into me, I took a deep breath and started to rock up and down on his cock, pressing my hands to his chest for leverage. The tip of his penis stroked my very back wall, dragging across it over and over again as I rode him in my bed, our bodies illuminated by the night sky outside.

I leaned over his chest, grabbing fistfuls of his hair as his tongue explored my mouth, his strong hands gripping my hips as I bounced up and down on his thick cock.

This kiss was sloppy, swapping saliva as we took turns groaning into each other's mouths. The new angle had my clit grinding against his pubic bone and it felt so fucking good. It had been a long, LONG time since I had climaxed during sex.

I broke away from his mouth, burying my face in his neck again as I grabbed at his hair, probably pulling enough for it to hurt. If it did, he didn't say anything.

“That's right, baby, grind your pretty little clit on me…” He muttered in my ear, his hands rocking me over and over him.

I was whimpering, I couldn't help it, the mix of sensations overwhelming me as he thrust into me over and over, my clit delighting in the pressure of our bodies coming together.

“I'm -- I’m --” I gasped out.

“Yeah? You gonna come all over my cock? Let me have it,” his voice shifted, low and growly in his throat and I was putty in his hands, I had no option but to obey and I cried out as my orgasm took over, my walls tightening around him as I held my breath and clenched my thighs around him and held my grip on his damp curls.

He flipped us both over, his erection fit snugly inside me the whole way. He adjusted the pillow beneath my head and left a kiss on my jaw. “You okay to keep going, love? Do you want me to stop?”

“No, no, more -- I want more,” I muttered, still trying to catch my breath.

He took my words to heart as he leaned forward, resting all of his bodyweight on his forearms, and withdrew his cock from me super slowly, then thrust into me again, hard, the sound of skin hitting skin reverberating around the room.

“Yes, just like that,” I cried out.

He sped up, sinking his rigid shaft into me in perfect rhythm, his eyes trained on our connection. I watched him as he watched his own cock sink into my pink flesh.

“D’you like what you see?” I asked, calling him out for his intentful stare.

He glanced up at me, a smirk plastered across his face. “Caught me..” he said, tucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he went back to watching as he fucked me slowly. His beautiful blue eyes shifted back up to mine. “You’re just so gorgeous, every inch of you… I want to taste you…” and before I knew it, he pulled out of me and was flat on his tummy, pushing my knees up, burying his head between my legs.

His mouth was on me in an instant, his tongue dipping into my folds. He licked and sucked on every inch of my slit before finally zeroing in on my clit. He hummed, the vibrations spilling over my sensitive little bud and I couldn't help but buck my hips up into his face, grabbing fistfuls of sheets on either side of me.

“Fuck -- do that again,” All manners were out the window at this point.

He obliged, humming again over my clit as he tongue stroked and flicked and then he one-upped himself, slipping a finger in my wet entrance, adding another layer of pleasure.

I groaned, wriggling my hips under his face, admiring his golden-copper hair fluffed up between my legs. “Don't stop,” I breathed, which apparently only served to egg him on more. He sank a second finger into me, stroking forward on my front wall as he went to town on my clit.

He hummed one last time and it was like he struck a match in just the exactly perfect way to make it light up in flames. White hot fire spread through my veins, branching out in all directions from my core as I tried to stifle my shouts. My heart thudded in my chest as I released my grip on the sheets and, once again, threaded my fingers through his hair, wanting to pull his beautiful mouth away from my sensitive clit.

He moved up my body and I pulled his mouth into mine, tasting myself on his tongue, kissing him open-mouthed so I could try to catch my breath again. That orgasm had absolutely wrecked me. I never had expected him to be such a skilled lover

“Want you.. to come.. for me now,” I said, breathlessly, inhaling on each pause.

He brushed the stray flyaway hairs off my face, staring up into my eyes. “Can I take you from behind? Is that okay?”

I leaned forward, pushing him up off of me, and flipped onto my hands and knees in front of him, which I imagine was a better visual than just saying, “Yes.”

He lined up with my entrance again and pushed in, filling me back up with his girthy shaft. I moaned, everything was so sensitive down there and the angle from behind was so different than before. Once he was buried in me, his hands found my waist and pulled me back into him, my hips meeting each thrust as he fucked me.

There's no way I could come a third time but holy shit did that feel good, so satisfying, just feeling his hips thrust into me as he pulled my body back onto him and I knew, I knew without looking that his stare was fixed down on my ass, watching as he buried his cock in me, probably admiring the way my ass swayed with each thrust, increasingly harder on each pass.

“Yes, fuck me, fill me up,” I choked out, pausing each time he entered me.

“Gonna -- come -” he warned, his breath hitched, his grip on my waist tightening.

Five or six strokes later and he pulled me into him one last time, holding me there, groans tumbling from his mouth as he emptied himself into the little latex barrier. I found myself wishing he hadn't worn the condom, the thought was just there in my head before I could make sense of it. Don't be stupid, Jac.

He held us still for a moment, probably collecting himself, before pulling out of me. I was so exhausted from my orgasms that I collapsed down onto the bed, rolling to lie on my side as he crawled out of my bed.

“There's tissues there, on my desk, wastebasket below it,” I panted. I watched as he crossed over to my little writing desk, cleaning up and disposing then used condom.

I expected him to slide back into his boxers and jeans but he came back to the bed, instead, sidling in next to me.

“That was really nice,” he said, a kind of daydream-like quality to his voice.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed, wondering when he was going to leave.

“Do you mind if I stay the night?”

Oh.

“I've actually got work pretty early in the morning…” It was a lame excuse, sure. But we had been clear about this being a one-night thing.

“Please? I can leave early in the morning. I just.. I don't want to sleep alone tonight…”

“Okay, fine. That's fine.”

He slipped under the covers and I flipped around to my other side, my back facing him. Before long, we were both asleep.

My head was throbbing as my alarm rang out (“Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel).

Ed was closer to my nightstand, so he grabbed my cell and handed it over to me to turn the alarm off. He slipped out of bed, finding his underwear in the pile of clothes on the floor and swiftly pulled them on. He dressed himself in last night's clothes as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, sitting up in bed with the sheets pulled over my naked breasts. Can't believe I let him sleep here.. NAKED. Fuck. Such a big day at work. Why did I have to go *there* last night? I'm supposed to be an adult. Ugh.

“I want to ask for your name, again, but I have a feeling you'll turn me down. Can I at least leave you my number?”

What does this guy not understand about a one night stand?

“Look, that's really sweet and all. But please don't. You're nice, and you're good in bed. But this was a one-time thing. I’m sure you won't be in town for long anyway. Sorry. I've got to jump in the shower so I can get to work on time…” I had avoided eye contact with him throughout my little speech.

“I understand. I'll head out then. It was nice meeting you, mystery girl.” He leaned down and left a peck on my forehead, then let himself out of my room. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to give myself a pep talk. I really needed to get up and moving so I could make it to the studio before Mark got in.

A moment later I heard the deadbolt open and my front door open and shut. I had forgotten to listen for that when he left my bedroom. I got up to re-lock the door and saw a note on the my coffee table as I walked naked through my living room.

It was his phone number, etched out in slanty chicken scratch, his name signed below it.

Thanks for reading!

#ed sheeran smut #ed sheeran fanfic #ed sheeran fan fic #ed sheeran #easter eggs #how many can you spot?

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years

Text

BIRDS OF PREY REVIEW: ED’s Very Important Thoughts on That Superhero Movie with a RIDICULOUSLY LONG TITLE!

On paper, Warner Bros’ decision to make a Birds of Prey movie with Margot Robbie reprising Harley Quinn, a character she pulled off so beautifully in David Ayers’ otherwise problematic Suicide Squad movie, seems like a good enough idea. Robbie is more popular than ever thanks to her two 2019 movies, and the character has become a fan-favorite among younger women (and presumably some men) both from the comics and her new DC Universe cartoon.

But where do I even begin talking about a movie that so desperately wants to be Deadpool in every possible way but also wants to be taken as seriously as any of the Batman movies?

Granted, I’ve never been the biggest Harley Quinn fan. I loved her as introduced by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm in “Mad Love,” and I give a lot of credit to Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Connor for what they’ve done to make the character so hugely popular in comics form, but like Deadpool, I can take or leave her.

For those entirely unfamiliar with the character, Harley is introduced via a crazy animated origin story, but as the movie begins, Quinn’s in a funk having broken up with the Joker. This also removes any protection she might have had from the criminal element she’s angered as “Joker’s girlfriend.” It’s a fairly frenetic way to open the movie, which might be expected if you��re even remotely familiar with Harley in the comics.

The actual story begins with Harley pissing off club owner/gangster Roman Sionis aka Black Mask (played by Ewan McGregor) when she maims his driver for a rude remark made towards her. Eventually, the plot becomes more of a chase to retrieve a valuable diamond that’s been stolen and swallowed by Ella Jay Basco’s teen pick-pocket Casandra Cain. I cannot even begin to tell you how one leads to the other since my head was spinning trying to keep up with Harley. Part of this movie’s existence can be attributed to wanting to introduce more DC characters to moviegoers, and the new characters introduced are mostly decent inclusions. Even so, like Joker, there are only loose connections to any previous movie or the overall DC Universe mythology. The Joker is mentioned, as is “Bruce” (as in Wayne), after whom Harley names her pet hyena, but otherwise, there’s very little for those hoping for any cohesion between Birds of Prey and even Suicide Squad.

The Huntress, a long-time Batman family anti-hero who has a vendetta against the mob after the murder of her own crime family, is played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead (one of my favorite actors), but she spends much of the movie acting grumpy, something which eventually becomes a source for some humor. There’s also former child star Jurnee Smolett-Bell (from Eve’s Bayou andRoll Bounce!) playing Dinah Lance aka Black Canary, a blues singer at Black Mask’s club who becomes his driver but one disgusted by his psychotic behavior. It’s a different take on the character for sure but not one that immediately connected with me. In fact, the movie’s greatest casting achievement is getting the amazing Rosie Perez to play detective Renée Montoya, although there just isn’t enough of her in the movie.

Who even knows what Ewan McGregor is doing with his erratic and over-the-top scenery-chewing performance as Roman Sionis? Surely, blame can be put on the late Heath Ledger for his Oscar-winning performance in The Dark Knight that has made every actor think they can achieve something similar by acting deranged.

Otherwise, director Cathy Yan does as we as anyone can possibly expect working with such eccentric material, but the result is semi-safe movie that lacks any sort of distinct identity or personality, other than maybe the action scenes or the score by Daniel Pemberton when it’s not being interrupted by needle drops.

The lack of stylistic identity is most apparent in the movie’s depiction of Gotham, which rarely looks like anything other than downtown L.A. (Gotta love those wonderful new California tax credits!) We’ve seen so many different Gothams over the years, from the stylish Tim Burton take to Nolan’s real-world grounding by filming in cities like Chicago and Pittsburgh. Even Todd Phillips’ Joker made an effort to give Gotham its own distinct identity. As much as everyone keeps reminding us that Birds of Prey takes place in Gotham, only two locations actually feel like it: The Ace Chemicals plant that Harley blows up and that amusement park location at end. Everything else just bodes of lazy filmmaking with no clear vision.

As much as Harley stays in line with how she’s depicted in recent comics withRobbie narrating much of it with Harley’s trademark squeaky voice and accent, while changing outfits for every other scene, calling the movie “Birds of Prey” is quite the misnomer. Despite the inclusion of Huntress and Black Canary, Birds of Prey has very little connection to that actual comic book entity, which was a group of crimefighters united by Barbara Gordon’s wheelchair-bound Oracle to do her legwork. For whatever reason, Gordon is nowhere to be found, instead replaced by Harley. (This is one of those cases where having a cameo by Gordon in an end credits scene might have actually saved the movie for me.)

Even if you like some of these other characters, they disappear for such large chunks of time after being introduced to instead focus on the relationship between Harley and Cassandra, probably the least interesting aspect of the movie… oh, and Black Mask. The way the other characters pop in and out makes Birds of Prey seem like it’s trying to be five different movies merged into one with each actor acting as if they’re in their very own completely distinct movie.

It’s not until the last 20 or 25 minutes of the movie before all these disparate pieces start fitting together. as Harley and the other women take on Black Mask (now actually wearing a mask) and his army of masked henchmen at an amusement park. This is where the John Wick stunt team earn their paycheck with impressive action pieces that almost make-up for how lame the movie had been up until that point. It makes it far too obvious how well Robbie’s Harley works as part of a team, but how aggravating she can be when given too much of the spotlight.

Maybe it can be expected since Robbie is the film’s first-credited producer, followed by former WB President of Distribution/Marketing Sue Kroll, who clearly knew how this relatively bland movie could be marketed to seem more fun and exciting than it actually is. Incidentally, this statement has nothing to do with the filmmakers being women – and it’s sad that we live in a society where I have to clarify this point. It just feels like the movie might have avoided some of the obvious pitfalls I’ve mentioned with more experienced filmmakers. (Or maybe not, going by how the first Suicide Squad movieturned out?)

It always feels like everyone involved with making Birds of Prey was trying their hardest, but using Deadpool (or any Batman movie, for that matter) as your benchmark is just setting you up for failure. Deadpool was as deliberately different from any previous Batman movie as it is from any other superhero movie. Birds of Prey’s weird mix of tone and styles in trying to blend the two puts it more in the vein of the Joel Schumacher Batman movies or even the ‘60s Batman series, without the campy nostalgia inherent in either. The fact that the movie rarely elicits a single laugh is how it diverges even further from the Deadpool movies, and it doesn’t help when you cast a truly funny comedian like Ali Wong in a dour and unfunny role that does nothing to serve any aspect of the story. I mean, what was even the point?

It’s genuinely puzzling how a movie that starts out from such a promising place can become so dull and unentertaining as it goes along. It’s a shame, since there’s so much great source material in the comics that seem to have been ignored in order to create something new and distinct, but ultimately forgettable. Birds of Prey is so schizophrenic in terms of look and style and tone, it won’t be changing Martin Scorsese’s mind about comic book movies any time soon.

Rating: 5.5/10

#BirdsOfPrey Movie Review HarleyQuinn DCUniverse MargotRobbie EwanMcGregor Batman Deadpool

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micaramel · 4 years

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When Jeffree Star and Shane Dawson launched their highly-anticipated makeup collaboration on Friday, it almost instantly sold out.

As diehard fans crashed the Jeffree Star Cosmetics website, critics questioned why people were buying makeup from a YouTuber with little experience in the beauty industry.

I purchased the entire line — except for the Diet Shane lip balm, which was unavailable — at a very busy New Jersey Morphe store that same day.

Though I initially had high hopes, I was a bit disappointed. Many of the eye shadows felt chalky to me and I found most of the liquid-lipstick shades unwearable, though I did appreciate the unique packaging.

Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Eye-shadow palettes are the focal point of the Jeffree Star Cosmetics x Shane Dawson collaboration.

The $52 Conspiracy palette features 18 shades, while the $28 Mini-Controversy palette has nine.

In my opinion, the outer packaging of these palettes is enough to impress most shoppers. The larger palette is packaged in a black-and-white spiral-print box, while the smaller product is contained in a black box with a 3D static print.

Dawson and Star detailed the creative process behind creating these packages in their recent YouTube series.

The Conspiracy palette is arguably the most-anticipated beauty product created this year.

When Star and Dawson first revealed this palette in their YouTube series, I thought it looked really unique. My feelings stayed the same once I held it in my hands just days later. Its geometric box stands out from any palette I already own, and it's leather-like material feels high quality.

I was a little concerned that it would be too heavy to actually work with, but its weight hasn't been a problem since I've started using it.

I couldn't wait to dip my makeup brushes into the colorful shadows.

When I first opened the palette, I thought the shadows looked less vibrant than they do online. However, this actually made the product seem more appealing to me, as I initially thought it looked both colorful and wearable.

I particularly loved the stamps embedded into each eye shadow, and appreciate that they really represent Dawson's work on the palette.

Once I swatched the product, however, I became less enthusiastic.

While arm swatches do not make or break makeup, in my opinion, they can be telling of a product's quality. In my experience, the lighter colors barely showed up on my arms while the darker colors looked patchy.

From left to right, there's: Ranch, My Pills, Tanacon, Diet Root Beer, Just A Theory, Spiraling, Conspiracy, Pig-Ment, Food Videos, Trisha, Cheese Dust, and Flaming Hot.

However, I really appreciate the quirky shade names of each shadow.

Not only do the shade names stand out from the more standard ones created by other brands, but it also feels like you're sharing an inside joke with Dawson and Star.

From left to right, the above shadows are: My Ride's Here, Illuminatea, Sleep Paralysis, Not a Fact, Diet Cola, and What's The Tea?

I had a little bit more luck when applying the shadows on my eyes.

I started by applying the shade Tanacon in the crease of my eyelid. While the shade barely showed up on my arm as a swatch, it applied beautifully on my eyelid. In my experience, the eye shadow looked pigmented and blended easily.

That is, until I got to the darker colors.

Because I was going for a fall look, I wanted to apply a maroon shade on the outer corner of my eye. Though the plum shade "Not A Fact" looked appealing, I preferred the metallic "My Apology" shade from the Mini-Controversy palette.

Unfortunately, I found this shadow to be very difficult to use. In my experience, it didn't blend well with the other shade on my lid, and excess powder quickly surrounded my eye area.

The black shadow wasn't as pigmented as Star promised in a recent YouTube video.

In "The Dangerous World of Jeffree Star" episode of Dawson's series, Star commented on the black "My Ride's Here" shade.

"It's so creamy — holy s---," Star said in the video. "Blacks are kind of hard to perfect sometimes if you want a really true black."

However, I don't entirely agree with Star. I used the shade as an eyeliner, and found it to feel more chalky than creamy. To be fair, I didn't use the perfect brush for this technique, but the shadow could have been more pigmented regardless.

In my experience, these eye shadows were pretty messy to use.

After dipping my brush into the Tanacon shadow only once, loose powder flew everywhere. Typically, I don't mind a bit of kickback — I find it usually means the shadows are more blendable.

In this case, however, I worried the excess product would muddy the other shades in my palette and coat my mirror in makeup.

My eye shadow could have turned out worse, but it also could've looked a lot better.

While I've certainly used worse eye shadows over the years, nothing about the Conspiracy palette really stood out to me upon first try. I had difficulty blending the shades, and the metallic colors seemed to fade quickly throughout the day.

I've since used other shades in the palette, and have grown to like Conspiracy more than I did initially — but I'm not sure it's worth spending $52 on.

I also tried using one of the shadows as a highlighter on my cheekbones.

When the palette launched, some people on social media said they planned to use the eye-shadow shade Ranch as a highlighter. Of course, I had to try this technique for myself.

While the color was a bit too white for my taste, it initially looked great as a highlighter. After only a few hours, however, it all but faded. I even asked a colleague for their opinion on the highlight, to which they replied: "I thought that was excess powder from your eye shadow."

The following day, I tried the Mini-Controversy Palette.

The $28 palette is much smaller than the Conspiracy product, but looks just as stunning. As I mentioned earlier, Star and Dawson really nailed the packaging of this collection.

The palette contains nine eye-shadow shades.

While one of the shades — Diet Root Beer – can also be found in the Conspiracy palette, the other eight colors are unique to this product.

Personally, I love that Star and Dawson chose to create both large and small palettes. Not only is this option more affordable, but it's also great for beginners, people who don't wear tons of bright colors, and those who want to try Star's products without spending tons of money.

In my opinion, this palette provides a decent mix of wearable colors and vibrant shades.

Like the conspiracy palette, I wasn't too impressed by the shadows as I swatched them on my arms.

From left to right, there's Flat Earth, Cry On My Couch, My Boyfriend's Purse, Controversy, Diet Root Beer, My Apology, Exposed, Cancelled, and The Simulation.

Overall, I enjoyed using this palette.

While I did find these eye shadows to be messy like those in the Conspiracy palette, the matte shades I used look stunning in person. It didn't take too much work to blend them or build up their color, and they also paired well with a liquid eyeliner.

Overall, I think the Conspiracy and Mini-Controversy palettes are nice, but I wouldn't reach for them every day.

I can understand why fans of Star and Dawson waited hours in lines — both at Morphe stores and online — to purchase these palettes. They're great collector's items, and would look stunning on any vanity.

Still, I just wasn't that impressed with the actual eye shadows. I found that blendability was an issue with every metallic shade I tried, and the mattes were a bit too messy for my liking.

I also tried almost every lip product from the Jeffree Star Cosmetics x Shane Dawson collection.

The collection includes six liquid lipsticks, which retail for $18 each, and a clear lip gloss, which costs the same price.

An $18 Diet Shane lip balm is also part of the collection, though the product was not available at the Morphe store when I was there.

From the moment I saw these lipsticks, I was confused by the shade range.

Star and Dawson first debuted their liquid lipsticks in "The $20 Million Dollar Deal with Jeffree Star" episode of their series. Immediately, I questioned why they chose the shades they did.

In my opinion, the three metallic shades looked unflattering, and the matte pink color seemed outdated. Only the neon pink and vibrant red seemed to make sense to me. Still, each color looked promising when swatched on my arm.

From left to right, there's: Oh My God, Ryland, I Gotta Go, Shane, Jeffree What The F---?, and Are You Filming?

I was even less impressed when I wore the liquid lipsticks.

I really wanted to love these lipsticks, as I consider Star's formula to be one of the best on the market. However, I only enjoyed using two of the six products.

The shade Oh My God, for example, didn't work for me, as it didn't suit my skin tone. I also found the shade to apply sheer — it took me at least four coats to get a semi-opaque look.

While I love Star's matte formula, I feel his metallic shades could use some work.

In my experience, the shades Ryland and Shane looked extremely unflattering. Not only did they apply patchy, but I feel as though they'd only work for Instagram-style makeup looks — not everyday wear.

I Gotta Go looked better, in my opinion, though I can't say I'd wear it frequently.

If you like wearing a statement lip color, the two matte shades from this collection are definitely worth purchasing.

In my opinion, Jeffree What The F--- ? is one of the best pink lipsticks I've ever tried. It looks vibrant and opaque, and also feels extremely comfortable on the lips. I almost forgot I was wearing it after it dried down.

Are You Filming? also stands out, though I think it only works when paired with a strong lip liner to keep it in place.

The collection's clear lip gloss has arguably the best shade name of any product in the line.

Dawson and Star named this $18 product Shane Glossin', a nod to the YouTuber's last name.

It's packaged in a clear tube with a pointed top, just like Star's concealers and other lip glosses.

I have no complaints about the Shane Glossin' product — it does exactly what it's meant to do.

In my experience, the product applies smoothly, looks glassy, and doesn't feel too sticky. While I do think you can purchase similar products at cheaper price points, the unique packaging of this gloss makes the extra cost almost worth it.

I also feel the product is especially perfect for people who don't wear makeup, but still want to support Star and Dawson.

Overall, I'm not sure the Jeffree Star Cosmetics x Shane Dawson collection is worth all the hype it's received.

In my experience, I faced too many roadblocks while using makeup from this collection to say it's worth purchasing. I find most of the eye shadows to be messy, and almost every lipstick shade feels unwearable. While the gloss works just fine, I'm not sure it stands out from others on the market.

I do love the product packaging throughout the collection, and think Star and Dawson did a great job adding unique details to their products — like the funny shade names and quirky eye-shadow stamps. Still, I'm not sure that's enough to save the collection.

I do understand why thousands of people eagerly purchased this makeup, and I think it's great that there's such a tangible way for viewers to support the YouTubers they love.

Still, as a makeup fanatic, I can't help but wonder if anyone would actually purchase these products if they didn't have Star and Dawson's names on them.

I bought Jeffree Star and Shane Dawson's new makeup the day it was released at a Morphe store, and the scene was close to chaos

Jeffree Star fans are selling the YouTuber's sold-out beauty products for more than double their original price as customers wait for a restock

Shane Dawson's mom visited a crowded Morphe store to buy his makeup line, and fans banded together to make sure she got a parking spot

Here's everything featured in Shane Dawson's makeup collaboration with Jeffree Star

from Design http://bit.ly/2K8VLjN

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