#like i'm aroace i don't know how to deal with attraction

[vulto-cor-de-rosa]

I'm not really into Hazbin hotel but I've seen enough of the fandom to know that I hate how people just ignore the fact that Alastor is aroace just so that they can ship him with whoever they like.

"Oh but aromantic people can still date" Yeah! Some can! If they're demi-romantic or grey-romantic or anywhere else in the spectrum, they can and want to date and good on them! But the problem here is that we don't know where Alastor falls under the aromantic unbrela, and you using this excuse, especially if you're not taking into consideration this specific fact about his character, ends up feeling like you're erasing the representation that us aromantic folks are desperate for and using other aromatics experiences for a cheap get-away card!

You wouldn't ship a cannon lesbian with a guy, you wouldn't ship a cannon gay with a girl, and you shouldn't ship a cannon aromantic with anyone! The only times that it's ok for you to do this is if the character is in a relationship in cannon (like Ineffable Husbands, where both Aziraphale and Crowley are aroace but they are in a romantic relationship with each other) or if the creator said that the character can feel some degree of romantic attraction.

We, aromantic and asexual folk, get almost no representation in popular media outside of creators saying stuff like "oh yeah btw they are aro and/or ace" and when we have characters that are actual good representation like Alastor, Lilith from TOH or even Saiki, people always find a way to completely ignore that part of the character. All that we are asking is for you to not ship ONE character! ONE!! Is that so hard for you?? You have a cast full of shippable characters but you just HAVE to go to the one that happens to be aromantic!

And when someone calls you out, you say that it's no big deal, well it is a big deal for us! Let us have one thing. One character. That's all we ask and somehow you can't even do that, shame on you.

#can you tell that this is a sensitive topic for me? #rosa's garden #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin alastor #aro #aromantic #ace #asexual #aroace #queer #lgbtqia #aroace alastor

[onesidedradiostatic]

You know, every time I imagine Alastor rejecting Vox, two scenarios come to mind, assuming Vox has been clear about his feelings.

On the one hand, I want to believe that Alastor, feeling uncomfortable, tried to be as "soft" as possible, considering that this idiot is still his friend and with whom he (possibly) had a business relationship for at least 20 years. But Alastor, being Alastor, no matter how "considerate and gentlemanly" he tried to be, he couldn't help but be very condescending in his rejection. That, or Vox simply has anger issues and an inability to take no for an answer. Perhaps a combination of both, and that's why they're on bad terms.

On the other hand, I imagine that Alastor acted the same as Lord Dominator when she rejected Lord Hater in "I'm the Bad Guy" (Wander Over Yonder) and for some reason I think it's sad but hilarious, and that Vox has every right to be a little bitter.

see the thing is I like to believe the rejection mentioned by alastor was actually interpreted by him as he said it "he asked me to join his team" and his aroace ass legitimately thought it was a business proposal he was rejecting, vox on the other hand meant it as a confession (but also maybe doubled up as a business proposal) and so when alastor said probably something like "ha! no", you could literally see the moment vox's heart breaks into pieces. if alastor found out it was a confession he'd probably think like ??? wouldn't it have been less painful if I rejected a confession???? rejecting a business proposal means I have legitimate problems with the way you do your work and I don't want to be a part of it, rejecting a confession just means I'm not romantically attracted to you??!??? what's the big deal??????

now if he had known it was a confession at the moment vox asked though, maybe he would’ve been softer about it? but it could’ve easily still been "ha! no" LMAOOOO

#ask #osrs.txt #radiostatic #staticradio #<- one-sided #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #aroace alastor #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor #hazbin hotel

[monarch-of-jack]

I might be the only one here. But the reason I feel conflicted when I see people shipping and sexualizing Aspec characters, is because I don't trust most of you to be respectful about it. Not to mention some of you straight up arent.

Yes, Aspecs are an incredibly diverse group of people. I KNOW. I've been in their circles for well over 10 years. But do you all really care about that?

If you don't, then you're really just using it as an excuse to ignore their identities.

Let me make it very clear that I support exploring ALL the nuanced ways that someone can be Aspec. We are so much more varied than just sex-repulsed Aces and romance-repulsed Aros. (Though those are still valid experiences, don't shit on them!)

There are Allosexual Aromantics. There are Alloromantic Asexuals. Aspecs in Queerplatonic Relationships. Grey-Aspecs, Demi-Aspecs, Oriented AroAces, Cupio-, Flux-, Lith-, Fray-, Recipro- Aego-, and a million other types of Aspecs. It's a huge spectrum.

And orientation doesn't equal action. There are sex/romance favorable Aspecs. There are kinky & kink favorable Aspecs. Aces that have and have had sex for whatever reason. Aros that are and have been in romantic relationships for whatever reason. Maybe they felt pressured. Maybe they were experimenting. Maybe they were still finding themselves. Maybe they were forced. Maybe they do it for their partner. Maybe they do it for money or their image. Maybe they just like it despite lacking attraction. Aspecs are people. They are all different and all equally valid in how they live their lives.

A character being Aspec literally just means they're lacking attraction in one way or another. So there's still endless possibilities in creating canon and fanon for them.

But are most of you really shipping characters like Alastor, Peridot, Jughead and co. as Aspecs, or are you looking for excuses to disregard their identity?

Have you actually educated yourself about their identities so you can portrait them accurately and respectfully? Are you infantilizing and patronizing them or make them act stupid? Do you make them pitiful, antisocial, or 'difficult to deal with'? Are you arguing with Aspec people when they point out something is problematic? Are you accepting input from Aspec people? Do you explain that you're shipping/sexualizing that Aspec character because of your specific headcanon or AU? Do you get angry if you have to clarify that after the fact? If you as an Allo, ship or sexualize Aspec characters, do you really do it with them still being Aspec?

The thing is, you can. But a lot of you don't. And that's why Aspec people react defensifely.

We have little to no representation in the media as it is. And yet you're annoyed when we ask you not to diminish or erase their identities.

I want to see Aspecs in all kinds of situations and with all sorts of preferences. But way too many of you are ready to shit on Aspec identities to get your fanon out.

I could go on for days about this. But the fact that some of you will get angy that I even made this post is exactly what I'm talking about.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #jughead #riverdale #peridot #steven universe #demisexual #greysexual #demiromantic #greyromantic #aspec community #aspec pride

[gay-otlc]

Yeah people can be weird about people who have fluid or multitudinous genders but static sexualities. Like I am multigender and attracted to men pretty much exclusively and sometimes (largely masc) nonbinary people and it feels like there's this expectation to also find women attractive because I don't fit the idea of static gender/static gender sexuality. I'm not suddenly bisexual because I have multiple genders; they don't just come as a package deal

Yep! People really have no idea what to do with multigender monosexual folks. I think it's largely because non-monosexual attraction labels (bi, pan, aroace, etc) aren't gendered, while (common) monosexual attraction labels are generally defined and understood using gendered terms. By itself, labels like bisexuality don't communicate anything about the gender of said bisexual person, but that's not the case with labels like gay, straight, lesbian. (Of course, these labels don't necessarily communicate gender either- for instance, not everyone who is a lesbian is a woman or a "non man"- but they carry strong gendered connotations.) Which is why multigender monosexual people constantly get hit by the "but you can't be lesbian if you're a man!" or "how can you be a straight woman if you're a man?" or "it doesn't make any sense to call yourself a straight lesbian" or "don't use [microlabel], no one knows what that means." Multigenderness and monosexuality is a hell of a combination.

#multigender

[mueslisoup]

I'm gonna get flamed for this (by *that* community) if I don't go anon

But I think aroace characters should just be aroace until they actually canonically SHOW INTEREST in another character

like if they knew they weren't completely aroace and just arospec they'd have a crisis but probably not know how to handle love 'normally' (LOOKING AT THOSE FUCKERS YEAH I SEE YOU) and do it in their own way because of their perception of love is different from well. Mostly everyone else's?

if they were truly aroace their world would be flipped like Jesus christ is this a crush??? Like it could just be an obsession because they don't have the normal Frame of reference everyone else has. It's even worse if the character is ND, because now they really can't tell if so and so is their friend, crush or whatever the fuck

this is to say I'm trying to learn aro culture and if I got anything wrong here PLEASE correct me

I'm not aroace myself but I'm pissed that some of the only rep you guys have is just... washed down the drain by the community

THIS!! I personally don't experience ANY sexual or romantic attraction, however I've spent years of my life talking to other aromantics and asexuals who DO occasionally experience these things so that I can understand my community and it's a BIG DEAL for them!!

When they start to experience this attraction they're usually uncouth in the way they go about accepting and acting on those feelings! And even more of the time they presume they're feeling attraction when in reality it was idolisation or platonic infatuation!

Drawing an aroace character in a sexual or romantic interaction with a character they've shown very little to no interest in and just sticking "I know they're aroace, but aroace people can do this too, don't be ignorant" in your captions doesn't make it alright for you to erase their identity.

I'm sick of people acting like its impossible for a character to not have sex and not be in a relationship!! Like they're not "whole" without someone else!!!

#arospec #aroace #aromantic #acespec #asexual #aphobia

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! So this is probably going to be a long and messy rant, but I had a fight with my allo friends recently about the feelings I have for a co-worker, and I just want to know what fellow aroace people think about this situation.

For context: I have a coworker that I have feelings for, but I'm not sure exactly *what* those feelings are. I spent a long time overthinking whether my feelings where platonic or romantic, and I decided to tell my best friends so I could get their help or support.

When I mentioned my coworker has a partner, my friends shut me down completely.

They told me to forget about it, that I shouldn't be friends with my coworker, and that I needed to keep a distance from said coworker.

I explained to them that I just wanted to be friends. I told them I didn't want a romantic relationship with my coworker, I wanted a fully platonic relationship, similar to the one I currently have with my best friends.

None of it mattered. My friends were more concerned with how my coworker's partner would view the friendship.

They said since my coworker is in a relationship it doesn't make sense to spend time with them one on one outside of work. They even went so far as to say if my coworker developed feelings for me it would put my coworker in a tight situation.

It felt like they were saying if I felt romantic attraction then that meant something was going to happen, even though I have zero interest in a romantic relationship. And it felt like they were putting a stranger first before putting me, their friend, first. So I tried to further explain my feelings and why I was so confused about everything.

And my friends said that if I saw my coworker as just a friend then I shouldn't be questioning my feelings :')

I was heartbroken because in almost a decade of friendship this was the first time that I felt my friends didn't respect, or at the very least didn't understand, my aromanticism.

I feel like I can never talk to my best friends about this type of stuff ever again. And how am I suppose to? I can't express how much their reaction hurt me.

They said I was overthinking things, and they're right about that, but my friends also don't understand how much of a big deal this was to me.

They even kept conflating my aromanticism with my asexuality and making comments about my aceness, even though asexuality wasn't apart of the conversation at all. I know 100% I am not sexually attracted to my coworker. The question was whether I'm platonicly attracted or romantically attracted. And even if my feelings are romantic, I don't want a romantic relationship.

I want to be friends with my coworker. I want to hang out with them and learn more about them. Is that really such a crime when I don't fully understand my feelings?

I guess what I want to know is, am I in the wrong here? In this situation, am I the problem?

i don’t see why being friends with someone would be bad, but i hope it’s worked out for you!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #long post

[theviridianbunny]

i'm having the queer panic and i'm gonna yell for a moment

yeah life is too short for me to get all wrapped up in lables but this has been eating at me for weeks and i'm gonna yell for a moment. i'm feeling a lot right now and don't know how to talk to anyone irl abt this - so im screaming into the void... sorry this is such a mess.

all i know is that women are pretty and sometimes men are pretty but- they're usualy fictional (jackie welles cyberpunk 2077 and sangunius warhammer 40k im looking at you both in particualr) - i've known that for years. i've primaraly self id-d as a genderqueer lesbian since i was 17/18 - that label has always felt right - and it still feels right - even when i've dated men.

there's only been like one (1) guy irl i liked in recent years - we dated for a bit before he went off traveling. it was nice - it was cosy - but it just kinda felt like a friendship??? we both cared for each other and liked each other - yes - but to me - it felt like a super cosy friendship (plus smooches and hugs and hand holding and going on cosy dates to look at art??? ) - we were dating - but it was like a no lables no strings "just chill and vibe" kinda deal - which worked for us both.

yeah i thought he was pretty and kinda hot - but everything also felt so new and scary (maybe because i've never dated irl in my adult life)

I just saw him andwas like "wow you're pretty and cool and nice and i like you???? :) " and the more i think about it - the more i'm ripping my hair out because I can't comprehend romance - it baffles me to my very core - i find it so hard to differentiate romantic attraction and platonic attraction and also aesthetic attraction- maybe it's an autism thing???

starting to think i might be aroace - and a part of that is terrifying me (even tho deep down i know its not a bad thing) - i've only just come to terms with being ace - i will continue to sit with the feeling.

reminding myself it's ok. whatever happens - i'm ok , and will be ok.

#delete later bunny #bunny screams into the void

[aroaceconfessions]

I have wanted to send this confession for a while but wording it/accepting it has been difficult. I have been hitting the pubs with my friends a lot recently to watch football together. Quite early on, when it was still in the group stages of the championship, a guy started a chat with me at the bar and then after a while asked for my number. He seemed like a cool person so I gave it to him, but I think I also did it because the entire exchange gave a huge boost to my self-esteem. After that, every time we've gone to a pub, I've constantly dressed better and hoped that a guy would hit on me again.

I had unpacked this need a couple years back while coming out as aroace, because I knew that we have all been taught that male attention and approval is the highest form of a compliment. But this has been making me doubt my sexuality and making me feel like an imposter. I know wanting approval is not equal to experiencing attraction, but when does it cross the line. To be fair, the fact that I just want to be asked for my number is a bit rude of me too because I'm leading on someone with 0 intentions of follow through. I don't want to date a man, but I'd like the compliment. It takes courage to approach someone like that, and so its a bit selfish of me.

Frankly, if anyone feels the same way sometimes, has any insight, or knows how to deal with this, please reply. Its all getting to me

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

cw: mentions of fatphobia, body image issues, gendered beauty standards

hey sex witch! love and appreciate your sex ed posts and the resources you've shared. i noticed that you've answered some asks about becoming more comfortable with expressing sexual attraction, and finding ways to see yourself as desirable -- i was wondering if you had any similar thoughts about becoming more comfortable with other people expressing attraction to you, especially verbally. it's something i'd really like to start enjoying in a casual way (i'm more okay with it within a long-term relationship or a kink dynamic, partly because it's something i can negotiate), but it's pretty consistently something that feels "off" for me and kills my interest. i don't want to react that way! i actively want to enjoy it, especially with people i otherwise like and connect with, and i feel like i might enjoy it a lot someday if the circumstances were right or if i changed my mindset/framing. plus, i know that i really like complimenting people i'm attracted to (if i know that they like it and i know what it means to them), and i'd like that to be a mutual thing.

to be clear, i haven't experienced sexual trauma, i'm nondysphoric (transmasc), and i'd say that i really like my appearance (in a nonsexual/aesthetic sense), so i think i can rule out a few of the common reasons that people feel this way. others have suggested that i might be aspec/demisexual when i've talked about my experiences, but i've gone through that particular questioning process before (and identified as aroace/"not interested" for most of my life), and i feel like it's probably something else.

i think a significant part of the problem is that when people have flirted with me/said that i'm physically attractive, they've usually referenced beauty standards that i'm both very opposed to and which are at odds with my sexuality and what i see as beautiful. i'm a guy who's always been viewed as thin and as having a "conventionally androgynous" (?) body type, and i've generally been attracted to people with body types and/or presentations that are noticeably different from mine -- that includes feminine-presenting people, fat and chubby people, and trans and gnc people who present in ways that combine masculinity and femininity. i've pretty much never been attracted to men who look like me. but when people compliment me on my appearance, they often compliment my body type or size directly or indirectly, and i feel like there's a certain undertone of "i'm labeling you as attractive because you don't look like Those People." i don't want to be around that attitude, and i don't find it flattering or "nice."

i generally wouldn't want to assume that a person who uses these compliments actually has extremely normative views on sex, is fatphobic, etc., and i believe that attraction is morally neutral no matter what your "type" is. it's not like i don't have specific preferences myself, though i probably have some biases that i'm not yet aware of. the whole idea of people being attracted to you because of aspects of your appearance that you didn't choose is...inherently messy, i think. i also know that in most cases, i can just leave, or ask people not to talk about me in these terms. but i still find the whole thing alienating and off-putting, to such an extent that i feel disconnected from most discussions and portrayals of sexuality, especially re: attraction to men. and that's on top of having to deal with the very common assumption that it's a universal experience for women and trans people to hate their bodies and want certain types of validation (but that's kind of a separate issue that i won't get into here).

do you have any thoughts on how to navigate this? i feel like i might be missing something important, but maybe i just need to understand and accept what doesn't work for me.

thanks!

hi anon,

I hate to be so brief when you've presented me with a veritable novella, but listen: you've already answered your own question here.

if I'm reading this right sounds like what you're experiencing isn't an issue of disliking compliments because you lack self esteem, but disliking compliments that are focusing on your body in ways that you don't enjoy. the problem in this scenario really isn't on your end. no matter how well-meaning people might be, you're not under any obligation to make yourself enjoy compliments that make you uneasy, and I'm certainly not going to be the person who tries to tell you how considering I operate my own life almost entirely around the notion that if it sucks, one must hit da bricks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you already said it yourself: if you don't like the way someone talks to you, especially if they're someone you'd like to continue having a relationship and building rapport with, the best move is to ask them not to talk about you that way. (if they're someone you'll never see again and don't give a shit about, by all means just blow it off.) if they're not cool with that boundary, awesome! you've learned something very important about them and can terminate that potential relationship immediately.

#sex edventures 2023

[kyanitedragon]

[ID: Teen Wolf screenshots featuring Stiles, with screenshots of aspec-themed tumblr posts edited onto them.

Scott talking to Stiles in the school hallway as Stiles stares into space, looking annoyed and tired. The tumblr post is from Lil-Aro and reads "If you're ever doubting your aromanticism, have a conversation with a alloromantic for like 5 minutes and you'll be good."

Stiles anxiously sucking on his lip as his dialouge says "How come when we graduate, we're just expected to go our separate ways? Why aren't I not trying to stay with them, you know?" The tumblr post is from AroKaladin and reads "Allos: aros have like no feelings. they're cold and unemotional and don't care about anyone!!! basically robots!!! they form no attachments to others!!! [next line] Actual aros, neck-deep in abandonment issues and dreading the day their loved ones inevitably marry off and leave them forever (something they cry about fortnightly): lmao i WISH"

Stiles looking behind him with a shocked expression, following Danny's gaze as Danny stares at a shirtless Derek off-screen. The tumblr post reads "Me a year ago: I don't get why people like to see others shirtless? Like, it's aesthetically cool, but??? [next line] My aroace ass now: Oh. OH."

Stiles gesturing while talking to Scott in the school hallway. The tumblr post is from Ace-Thinks and reads "Ace culture is having tons of questions about how other people experience sexual attraction in daily life but having no way to casually ask them [next line] Like [next line] "So... sexual attraction... how often do you like... feel that? Also what does it... like... feel like?" [Next line] See also: aromantics [Next line] "So... crushes... what's the deal with those?"

Stiles with a deeply anxious expression on his face, standing with his hands on his hips, trying to support himself. The tumblr post is from Cupio-Ace and reads "The only crush I have is crushing anxiety"

Stiles sitting on the floor, anxious and coming out of a panic attack. The tumblr post is from MauveMyHeart (deactivated) and reads "I'm a triple threat. Asexual. Aromantic. Anxious." The A in each word is bolded.

Scott and Stiles in Stiles' jeep, driving through New Mexico as Scott drives. The tumblr post is from Autcore and reads "Deepening the bonds of your friendship over a long roadtrip is aro culture."

Stiles pursing his lips while dramatically saying "No" as his dialouge reads "I mean no. You want to hear it in Spanish? No." The tumblr post is from RisingSm0ke and reads "Sometimes I laugh because as an aromantic asexual, my sexuality is basically just: No."

End ID]

#teen wolf #stiles stilinski #aroace #twgraphic #arospecfanworksweek #aromantic #tw #twedit #teen wolf pride #bi!stiles #aroace!stiles #aro!stiles #ace!stiles #my aspec headcanons #text post meme #aroace headcanons #queer text post meme

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

For a long time I thought I was allo (I'm ashamed to admit that I only learned the word allo in the last few years), but recently I started to think that I may be aroace.

I thought I had been romantically attracted to many people. But after learning about SOGI and reflecting on myself, I came across the mystery: "What makes me think I have been romantically attracted to someone?"

Sorry to make this a very personal story, but one of my parents was a person who did not care about me at all. That part of my life has influenced my personality development in a crazy way. I wanted a replacement for my parents, a replacement for my family - someone who would be sincerely committed to me. And it was complicated when someone I trusted, liked and wanted to get to know better treated me as unimportant, or when I learned that someone in their life was very important to them. I would put them in a box called "jealousy," and when I discovered that box, I would say, "Oh, I see, that's romance". But now I think those were not romantic attraction. I think it was more like a vague sense of frustration (I never had siblings, so I don't know if this is the right way to describe it) that my parents were so focused on their younger siblings that I might have become invisible and forgotten about in the family.

After I began to think that I might be an aroace, I read various aroace stories and sympathized with some of them, but most of the aros talked about how they had never been in love since they were little and that they did not fit in with the love talk around them. My distorted past does not fit there at all. I shared those things that I assumed were romantic attraction with my friends at the time and mingled in their talk. I am concerned that my behavior may have traumatized someone, and more importantly, I don't think I am qualified to call myself aro. Is it possible that I was romantically attracted to them, or that I was just crazy and not romantically attracted to them?

then, am I an uninvited guest to the aroace community, or are there aros like me who reconsider and say "that was not a love affair"?

Sorry for the long, rambling, and incoherent sentence.

It sounds like you're going through a difficult time, Anon. It sounds like apart from your questioning journey, you've also been isolated emotionally which is adding to the confusion. If accessible to you, you may want to consider therapy for this, make sure if you go this route that you find a therapist that will not try to treat your a-spec identity or treat it as at all the issue. (Remember you can change therapists at any time for any reason.)

For figuring out if you might be aro or not, it can definitely be difficult, especially if you're trying to analyse past experiences you're no longer experiencing. One thing that can help is to look at a label as something that describes your experiences now, not necessarily what you've experienced in the past. So whether what you were experiencing in the past was romantic attraction or not matters less than whether you're currently experiencing romantic attraction, so if this isn't something you've experienced in a while you're OK. Remember too that sometimes orientations can be fluid, and it is possible to be aro and have experienced romantic attraction in the past.

It can also be difficult to sort out your feelings when you're dealing with other complicated emotions, especially relating to figuring out your relationship to other people. It's also OK if you don't feel ready at this stage to decide if you're aro or not, there's no deadline to questioning, But I wouldn't say you're an uninvited guest, anyone who is questioning is welcome to explore and ask questions. No one own's these labels, there's no in-groups, these are just words that help people make sense of their experiences and find communities and others with similar experiences to theirs.

Hopefully this is helpful, Anon, but if you have questions or want to talk about anything in more detail, please do feel free to send in another ask. All the best and take care!

#mental health #trauma cw

[yukidragon]

Hi, first of all I'd like to say that I love your fics and theories/hcs/asks and I can't wait for The Phantom of Sunny Day Jack knowing that you were also working on it.

Secondly, there's something I've always been wondering. Since all characters with routes are male and the MC dated Ian it's kind of a given that (and necessary for the story to progress) that Sunshine is attracted both romantically and sexually to men. But what if Jack wasn't that lucky and MC was asexual? Since sex is kinda what lovers do so in Jack's mind so it seems to make him more sure of their love/feel secure in the relationship.

And what if they were asexual and aromantic and just couldn't love him back so friendship is all Jack will ever have. He's not their only friend either, and MC has known Shaun longer so his position as someone most important in his Sunshine's life is even more threatened, how would he deal with those feelings and the jealousy?

Or even worse, what if MC was attracted to women exclusively? In aroace friendship you can still technically make him #1 very best friend or something, but here Sunshine would actually LOVE someone else without him having the chance to win them over because it's impossible for them to ever reciprocate and naturally they'd be dating someone eventually, perhaps even married a woman, and naturally most people put their spouse above all. They don't neglect other relationships, but this one is simply the most important. How would he cope with that? Since whether he even gets to exist depends solely on whether MC wants him to. Would he get involved or just let his Sunshine be happy?

Ah... you really flatter me. Thank you! It makes me happy to know that you enjoy my writing and ideas so much that it makes you look forward to the Phantom of Sunny Day Jack more. I'm still blown away whenever someone tells me that. Thank you for being so kind.

Anyway, onto the ask...

You do raise an interesting question about an MC who simply isn't attracted to men. While we have evidence that the MC is attracted emotionally/romantically/physically to men, that doesn't mean that we can't go the AU route, or examine a scenario where they realize that it's not truly what they want after breaking things off with Ian.

I have touched on MC being asexual/aromantic in a previous post and how Jack might deal with that. I believe that if MC simply was incapable of romantic and/or physical attraction, that would Jack some worries, not because he's not supportive, but I think that Jack finds love to be the closest bond people can have. I also talked about how I believe he feels that sex is closely tied to that.

The fact of the matter is that Jack needs MC. From what we've seen on the "no" route in the demo, if they stop needing him, he'll become less real and will probably disappear. In that case he'll most likely return to a place that he described as hell.

That's why I think Jack insists on MC remembering him. If he stops being important in their mind, if they stop caring about his existence... then he's gone. Not to mention the fact that it hurts like hell when the person you love doesn't love you back.

If MC was incapable of feeling romantic love, that would be painful for Jack. Still, I imagine he would hold out hope that maybe someday that could change, especially if we're still talking about a continuity where they were in a relationship with someone before they met.

I can imagine that Jack wants the relationship Ian and MC had, which I'm sure is one of the many reasons why he probably dislikes Ian. Ian wasn't satisfied with the person Jack loves and needs so desperately. Jack can't lose MC, but Ian threw them away for a fling. It's kind of a maddening thought if you think about it.

If the relationship with Ian played a part in MC realizing that they weren't sexually or romantically attracted to men, it might be just another reason for Jack to not like Ian, to be honest. Not that Jack needs even more reasons to want to take care of Ian at this point.

Anyway, since you brought up a lot of different possibilities about MC's orientation that Jack could potentially deal with, I'm going to break them down one at a time. Let's keep going with the assumption that MC figured out this aspect about themselves after breaking up with Ian rather than it always being the case for the sake of simplicity.

First, let's go with an asexual MC who is sex repulsed. They don't want sex at all, but they still can feel attracted to men romantically. It's less than ideal for Jack considering his high libido and how he associates sex with love. However, he cares about MC's happiness and consent, so he won't do anything they don't want.

A quick reminder here - the "no" route was not intended to be a case of non/dubious consent. The team behind the game have repeatedly stated that Jack cannot do anything MC doesn't want. He can't even touch them they don't want him to. The intention in the narrative seems to be for MC to be reluctant about having sex, but still making the conscious choice to have sex with Jack in that route. The option to turn down sex altogether in either route is something that the team said will be added in a future update to the demo.

That said, I think Jack could accept not having sex with MC, provided that they showed him that they love and need him in other ways. I think he'll only truly feel secure if he's convinced that he's the most important person to MC, and they'll never stop loving him. As long as they could get together romantically, and MC could show him love other ways, I think he could be happy and eventually feel secure that a strong relationship doesn't need sex to solidify a strong bond of love.

With an aromantic MC, that's a different beast, especially if they have any sort of desire to have sex with people. I have a bad feeling that if MC was incapable of romantic love, Jack would continue to pine for them. He would no doubt consent to being friends with benefits in a heartbeat. After all, it's something he can give them that they want. I think that the mood would in a lot of ways be like the "no" route, since that is a prime example of MC and Jack having sex while MC doesn't want him romantically. The sex would be him desperately giving them what they desire just to make sure they never stop needing him... while he keeps loving them one-sidedly. He might even hope that one day things will change and they'll eventually love him as long as he just keeps giving them whatever they want. It would make for a pretty depressing situation, not going to lie.

It would make things worse if the aromantic and sexually active MC wants to have multiple sexual experiences with different partners without emotional attachment. I'm sure that would fuck Jack up mentally, and we'd see his worst yandere tendencies come out. I'd expect more and more people would be getting the Nick treatment, and even wind up killing themselves because of his manipulation.

After all, MC can't choose someone else if there's no one else left to choose.

With that thought in mind, an asexual/aromantic MC might be a little easier on Jack's state of mind, at least relatively. If MC doesn't want anyone else, romantically or physically, there's no one else who they're pursuing as a lover or partner. Jack, unfortunately, is no doubt going to remain constantly insecure, especially if MC has other friends, and he might start chasing them away and encouraging MC that they don't need anyone else but him, their best friend in the world.

I believe that Jack needs to feel like he's the most important person to MC. If he can't have reassurance that they'll always care about him and want him around, then he's going to have to make sure to do something about it himself.

Now... when it comes to MC not being romantically attracted to men... it would likely be the same functionally as just not being attracted to Jack in general. It doesn't matter who the person is or their sexuality - if they become more important than Jack to MC, then he can't feel secure in his existence. He might lose them. I'm sure he can live with being their best friend if not their lover, but not if they take someone else as a lover.

Jack seems willing to be whatever MC wants him to be, give them whatever they want as long as they'll always remember him.

That isn't to say that Jack would change into a woman to suit their desires if that's the only type of person they can feel attraction towards. His body might be affected by supernatural powers given the hints we've been given, but that would be pretty messed up.

Rather, I think Jack would try to figure out what about women that MC finds so appealing in a partner. Sometimes people with strong sexual preferences have exceptions despite their sexuality. He could potentially bank on becoming that exception by giving MC everything they could ever want in a relationship with a woman. Sure they might sigh and wish they knew a woman like him, but as long as he made sure no women get close to MC, then maybe eventually they'll change their mind.

It's a foolish hope, but it might be all Jack has at that point.

Of course... this is all speculation based off the idea that MC never really realizes that Jack is insecure about his relationship with them or why he needs them so badly. Not that he's going to tell them since that might risk losing them. It's possible if MC could find other ways to reassure Jack, maybe even help him deal with his issues and his tenuous grip on reality, then maybe he could become less insecure. Maybe he could accept just being friends with MC and accept his beloved being happy with someone else romantically, even if it breaks his heart.

Naturally, since the name of the game is Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, that's probably far easier said than done.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask #yeesh this post got depressing

[aroace-confessions]

i came to the realization today that i'm actually probably sex-favorable. there's still some stuff i'm trying to figure out (like i think i'm demi about it if that makes any sense), but i identified as repulsed for so long, and it's really hard to accept this change. obviously it's good that i'm figuring stuff out about myself, but i feel so shitty about this right now because it kinda feels like i'm betraying myself? i'm an aroace trans girl, and it's so hard to find transfem people who don't like or want to talk about sex, and i liked being different. it was lonely, sure, but i liked the idea of breaking the stereotype and living a life without something so many people want, but that's all changed now that i know i want it too. there's also the fact that i get really uncomfortable with sexual jokes, topics, etc. and i don't know how to reconcile that with this, i guess? i don't know if all that is just me being in denial for so long or if it's genuinely just me wanting sex but only being comfortable with the topic in very specific circumstances. there's also the fact that i don't really know who i would be able to even have it with? it's really hard for me to get close with allo people (mainly because of the whole being-uncomfy-with-sexual-topics things, but there's also other reasons for that that i won't get into), and it would be really hard for me to find the specific combination of another sex-favorable aroace who i can get close with and who has the same sexual preferences that i think i have. plus, there's also the fact that i'll be getting on hrt in may, and i don't know how that's gonna change this. i wish it could just make this all go away, but i know that's not guaranteed. i don't know what i'll do if it makes it bigger. my lack of any sexual identity has been a huge staple of my attraction for so long, and this change is already so big that i don't know it i can handle ir getting bigger.

i guess there are still a few good things. i'm still very much aro, and regardless of if i want sex i'm still very much acespec. and as i said, maybe hrt will somehow fix this, either by making it go away entirely or just by making me more comfortable with myself and helping me open up about this. i don't know. maybe i just need time to accept this about myself.

last notes: i would really genuinely appreciate it if anyone had any advice or comfort on how to deal with this, or also if anyone knows good ways to start to explore my preferences with other people. also if any transfem people have experience with hrt's effects on libido and sexuality that would also be nice :)

also can this be tagged with #24061749174 so i can find it easily?

Submitted 03/04/24

#24061749174 #sex favorable #questioning

[asexual-society]

Hello! I'm currently struggling with resolving some internal issues with myself about being aroace and where I fall in terms of the label that fits me. Not exactly obviously but just something to get me going in the right direction.

I'm struggling with my feelings towards romanticism and don't know how to feel about them. I'm currently in a relationship and I'm afraid I'm starting to lose feeling for my partner in a romantic sense. I still want to be with them and continue a relationship. I'm not sure on what level but I know l'd like to continue because still have feelings of attraction towards them. Any thoughts help!

Hey anon! I would say in this situation that instead of trying to define the relationship or attraction you feel, you could try to consider what you want. If you want to be with them, you can still be with them even if your feelings are different than they were. I'd suggest you communicate this with them, but first think about what exactly it is that you want out of the relationship.

For example, if you currently go on dates and are happy with that aspect of your relationship, that's something you can keep doing, if you like hanging out but not so much the "date" part, you can discuss that and have hangouts of the non-date variety. If you currently kiss and that's good, there's no reason you have to stop just because you don't want to do it romantically anymore, and if you don't then you can talk about what you are okay with or like doing. ("I don't think I'm romantically attracted to you, but I do have feelings for you and I'm attracted to you in other ways. I like the relationship we have as it is, so if you're okay with that, I'd like to keep doing what we're doing" is also a fine answer to this, but putting all cards on the table and being as open and honest is key.)

Plenty of aro people are in romantic relationships, or relationships that appear to be romantic, with alloromantic people, and there are probably a whole lot of people in romantic relationships who don't know they're aro, but their relationships still work because the romantic attraction isn't really the most important feeling in the relationship, they still may have other feelings of attraction or affection or love, and the fact that those feelings aren't from a place of specifically romantic attraction doesn't matter so much. It's true that this might be a dealbreaker for some people, and if that's the case it probably wouldn't work out in the long run anyway, but I think if they don't mind having a slightly unconventional relationship, there's no reason you can't make it work, because other people out there do every day.

I hope this makes sense, I think some people get very bogged down with labels, and sure they can be helpful to some people, but imo the words we use are just words, they don't have any more meaning than what we ascribe to them, and if you both want roughly the same thing then you're probably gonna be fine, and you can deal with labels later if you want. I do hope it works out for you though, some people might feel totally the opposite to me on this, but I can only speak for myself.

~ mod key

#asks #anon #mod key #aroace #unconventional relationships

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

me, an aroace Rantaro truther:

I just think he's non-partnering, 100% loveless

Ves: HE BASICALLY SAYS IT Fast: HE DOES I dont wanna say that people hcing him as bi or gay or whatever is aroace erasure but like. Idk i dont like it

he could be honorary member of the greater Akamatsu-centric polycule, but like, he's better off in his element, being the big brother to his friends

any of his ships is just better and feels more in character when it's platonic

and it'd be good for him to have friends he doesn't see as little siblings/therefore also feels responsible for & get some that are equals that he can rely on, but that doesn't mean they have to date

Ves: it was solidified for me the first time i saw the nailpainting scene and it just kept going the more i watched

Fast: I've always been upset abt this but i never brought it up here bcs. A lot of people here ship Rantaro w someone

well, those ships? platonic now

Ves: tsumugi says 'you know how to paint nails because you have a girlfriend??' and he says No and she says 'you don't have a girlfriend because you're such a player???' and he says Double No and it's SO funny, she wants him to be marketable so BAD but all romantic and sexual implications slide off him like an aroace duck his greatest sexual fantasy??? doesn't have one, he just wants a sibling figure who he can protect

Fast: I remember he talked abt how he's never been interested in anyone in his ftes And its just like "Wow I'm so glad there's an aroace character :-)" goes to the fandom "what the fuck "

he's got a classic case of people can't deal with attractive person being ace going on

Hina: Is there something wrong with headcanoning him as not aroace?/gen Ves: i wouldn't say there's something wrong but so many people just completely ignore all of The Words That He Says With His Mouth and headcanon him as a FUCKING PLAYBOY and it's so insanely frustrating. if you use ~ at the end of his dialogue you owe me 20$ he is, at the very least, disinterested in sex and romance. so i'd say not reading him as some kind of a-spec is upsetting, even if you do ship him

Mauri: demi rantaro GOOD aroace rantaro GOOD gray-aroace rantaro GOOD

I don't want to gatekeep, but, I'd be happier if more people kept it in mind, maybe make him an oriented aroace, or put those ships in relationship anarchy in some way

Mauri: reject amatonormativity embrace avocado man

oh yeah, gray-aroace is a excuse for shipping I would accept too, just acknowledge canon and work around it, don't act like he doesn't have the coding at all

#danganronpa #ndrv3 #rantaro amami #aromantic #asexual #aroace #talking headcanons #sexuality headcanons

[that-disabled-princess]

Hey uhm... if you don't mind, I have a question for you. I saw in one of your recent posts that you're a fellow non-SAM aromantic. Are you out to anyone irl as aro? If so, how did you explain the whole labeling your "sexuality" (as in, general orientation) without actually labeling your sexuality? Because I kinda wanna come out to my best friend as aromantic and I'm not sure how to do it. I have thought about coming out as aroace (as my experiences are a lot closer to ace than allo) but I'm not really comfortable with the ace label as I simply don't know if it's really accurate. Plus, I'm afraid my friend would miss that I'm aro and just call me ace whenever the topic of orientation comes up (without any bad intentions but still). But I also don't want my friend to assume I'm sexually interested in people.

Do you have any advice, perchance?

(Unrelated to that, I'm happy I found another physically disabled non-SAM aro on here)

Hi! Sorry it took me a minute to answer this, I wanted to give this ask a thoughtful answer.

I am out to irl people as aro. My best friend and my immediate family are the only ones I'm really out out to, though. I don't tend to take the time to explain it unless I actually need to because... you're right. It is so, extremely difficult explaining what being aspec means and all the little nuances of the a-spectrum.

I don't think I ever properly came out to my family either until this year. Just... made some aro jokes and let them assume whatever they wanted. I stopped coming out with every new update a couple years ago. My family is supportive and accepting, and our mom doesn't pressure us into any sort of relationship or anything like that.

Clarification: When I say "family" here, I mean my immediate family only. We're not even gonna touch my extended family.

Now, I did identify as aroace for a bit before realizing I wasn't exactly asexual. But my aromanticism has always been a bigger part of my identity, so as far as I can remember, dropping the asexual label wasn't a huge deal to anyone.

At the beginning of January, though, I did try to explain the concept of being aro without being ace to my family. Since my sibling is aroace, I'm not sure they (my sibling) really got it, but they did accept it. I explained that sexual and romantic attraction are two different things, and that you can feel one without feeling the other. We were running an errand, so it was a bit of a... rushed explanation.

If I'd had more time to explain the differences, though, these would've been some of the examples I used:

First off, one-night stands are a thing. You don't have to be romantically attracted to someone to be sexually attracted to them or to have sex.

You can also have a crush on someone without wanting to bang them.

Therefore, sexual and romantic attraction can be felt separately and are two different things, and alloaces and aroallos and non-SAM aces and aros are valid.

As for your concern about others assuming you're sexually interested in people: for me personally--and I've seen other non-SAM aros talk about this--my aromanticism affects the way I experience sexual attraction. I experience sexual attraction, but not Like Allos Do. My romantic orientation is aro, and my bisexuality is also aro. In a way, it is much closer to the asexual experience, only none of the acespec labels feel right. I don't know what being non-SAM aro is like for you, though, but it sounds like your experiences might be similar, so maybe this explanation can help?

And as for coming out as something you're not... The want to do that really is something, huh?

I'd say it's better to be honest if you're in a safe enough place to do so. (And this is coming from someone who originally came out as a lesbian due to internalized biphobia.) Be honest with your friend and be kind to yourself. Let your friend know that you're still working through some stuff and still figuring things out. If they're a good friend, they'll understand that.

I hope this is helpful and that everything goes/went well, love 💚💚

#aromantic #non sam aro #aroace answers