#like i. didnt know i was neurodivergent as a kid. i assumed there was something i was doing wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

firefox-97 · 11 months

Text

i dont know now if i really ‘identify’ with anything;neurodivergence for example,queerness for example,romance or normalcy for example(however there are some things i have to identify with, as purpose of locating myself in society,?though my honest thought is that i dont know if i ‘identify’ with much of anything except i really want to try to understand what that all means.obviously it means something.ah) .seems a lot like people think ‘iam weird=neurodivergence’ (reductionist) so i began to think ‘i am weird = neurodivergent’/category of ‘the people in my life taught me this and act like this=inherited neurodivergence in a way/but this is reductionist i think and maybe not something i am able to talk about/know about.at this point it gets confusing so i think even if a doctor really looked at me and said ‘you are neurodivergent.diagnosis’ i dont know if i would agree;because i can ‘function’ in a specific way/mask?. i thought for a long time, there must really be something some explanation for why im like this though (fake social functioning, fake sense of self, fake personability, consistent distress and fear etc etc) but because i am ‘fine, functional in this way’ i come out of works where i try to express my fear and my distress and my preferences and people think its a phase? or , literally had it called a ‘slump’? my cycle of tolerance and intolerance rather.

here are some thoughts:

major depressive disorder was the first thing i got per se but was treated only therapeutically because i think i hid my other symptoms/kept them close/things such as sh/cutting/suicidal thought/risk behavior/etc because first and foremost i am reserved.....and when my parents found out i was cutting (by accident not of my confession) they took me to a trauma center/emrgcy room where a doctor (who probably did not know what to do with a selfharming teen but did see that her mom brought her in to a emergency clinic) talks about gratitude and positive thinking. i dont know what my mom thought i was going to get out of that, or if she thought that the doctor would actually prescribe osmething, or treat me, or what. i dont know why if she was going to take me there she didnt take me to a different place, you know? probably a totally desperate move on her part. like, that certainly didnt stop me from selfharming, and especially in ways that were mostly invisible (choking,punching etc) but like i said i hid that rly well.but somehow i was still expected to do everything ‘normally’ even after that discovery. idk if the option of medication was discussed. i dont know if a support system was discussed. i think it was assumed i was just being stupid. i literally mean that, like i feel the rhetoric ‘youre a smart kid youll figure it out and get over it’ was used to me. so of course when i came and talked about the same feelings over and over and over and over again it was met with annoyance or frustration. like, why arent you solving this for yourself, completely ‘capable and smart’ person?! whats wrong with you?! meanwhile i had already stopped therapy and was expected to somehow figure everything out via ‘good communication with mom’ and ‘smarts/figure it out’ how the hell does that work? lol

im just looking back on this now, as somebody with really only a decade of awareness of myself in this way/depression;anyway

pmdd is like an assumed thing. the thing with pms is that people base it only on a few things when its actually a wide range of symptoms. pms could be extremely light most of the time/little symptoms physically or emotionally, or it could be one or the other (high emotion, little physical symptom/ high physical symptom, no emotional symptom/etc) pretty much every combination imaginable ranging from extremely life-impacting/impairing? to life-impacting (in that cleaning up blood and managing a body’s symptoms while having to manage life things is still life-impacting i think). so i think overall people tend to assume a set of symptoms of pms that is somewhere between ‘god youre acting so emotional must be pms’ to ‘why do you have to lie in bed for like 3 days? isnt it just bleeding and some cramps?’ ---> thus my thesis statement here; if pms was treatable as a range of symptoms (i know that it is in a lot of cases, but from what i hear its mostly in the sense of like contraception and management and less like uhh managing symptoms altogether? but i dont have experience with that; it probably exists) then maybe pmdd would be less of an overt diagnosis and more, ones particular flavor of pms looks like this and needs to be treated like this, while another persons is not something that needs treatment/same kind of treatment. instead we have diagnosis of pmdd (which is helpful for people dont take this as a diss of that. its incredibly important for people to connect with tthat if they need.) i just want to say this because every doctor ive talked to particularly men? (the two women i talked to both sympathized and believed me. its an awful feeling, kind of though appreciated on an individual level) when i say pmdd assume that all my symptoms come from pmdd. or, worse, tell me pmdd doesnt exist(???) but (then are basically saying all my symptoms come from pms). in the most recent case of talking to a doctor when finding out that pmdd/pms/hormonal cycle is the cause of my (he called it a) ‘slump’ into worse depression, suggest that altering my hormonal stuff in some way can fix it? (i mean shit lines up, but with everything else i was saying, i still remain depressed even not in the periods leading up to bloodflow)

basically it gives a basis to either completely ignore any other talking points i have or say ‘well other than pms youre fully functional so your options are to start with hormonal stuff’ (but there was also no like actual move into helping discover the cause of these severe emotional drops.so im left alone again with myself thinking im just making shit up). which is the feeling i hate the most.

for our singular brief moments of meeting can you just take me at my word? maybe there’s lots i dont understand.

so part of me is trying to pull back my understanding of ‘identification/identity’ since its gotten kind of swept up in identity online stuff which feels bad and kind of ignorant/sheepish to me; i want to form my own thoughts about this. i mean if i was like just weird and quirky or whatever and was actually functional/non-distressed to my own level of comfort/whatever that would be one thing. but i cant seem to advocate my own distress to others in any meaningful way, so i feel like i come off as petulant or complaining or ignorant in a different way. like ive only been depressed/(in a slump) for a month or so and just need to practice self care more and sleep some and i should be good and not like ive been passively depressed for 10+ years and actively dprsed for 7. i know the thing here is that depression/neurodivergence is different so i think part of me was looking to attribute the nondepressed weirdness i saw in myself to something else (why i dont care for friendship community, am i traumatized, why do i have “mood swings”, why i dont care about social norms but still seek to uphold them and feel awful about it, the physical things i do (im trying to normalize neurotypical stimming for myself as i know this is a thing) and the interests i have and how i engage with them (poorly because i am depressed, but internally very frequently if passively) and i have this running roster of myself because while im interested in other people i just dont feel the need to bother them with my self/dont feel the need to get to know them/dont have the drive or motivation. i think in a shallow way im interested in people who are interested in me (not in the romantic sense) but attached and loyal to people who i know will maybe stay (maybe im just untrusting). anyway i looked for something to relate to/identify with in an attempt to understand/care for myself better and now i think im doing that less these days in a similar/different attempt? (at least internally) like the people around me will not believe these identities and words and will not offer any response if i ask for help using these terms but if i show myself/show them/behave in a way that is like myself /maybe i will behave in a way that is like myself more? i am always too quick to believe others about myself and this gullibility has always led me to worse places so let me do my best

thought: part of me wants the option of join support group and also part of me is like there is no space for this there . i was in a mindfulness group once and everyone there was older than me and going thru very hard life situations and i was there just like ‘i am transgender and depressed and i keep seeing the horse god’ uh and it wasnt something i wanted to share. and i went to a hospital-based transgender support group and it was all transgender men who acted specifically and had what felt like such familiarity with each other and even though i identified as a transgender man at the time (and maybe still do idk) i didnt feel like i could be familiar with them. and ive felt like that at every queer support group ive ever been too which is only like three (i feel the most hopeful about maybe joining one again but also cant motivate myself. be alone.) and i joined a bipolar support group once but felt like a fraud and then was kicked out of the building due to a fire drill and did not want to go back. i just dont know how to utilize such a space at all or make community. when i go places i cant help but look like a weird loner who doesnt want to talk to anyone even though i do; i just cant help myself i really cant. i dont like talking to people in ways that feel disingenuous and yet i do all the time....ill think about this ^_^;

#p1rsnl

5 notes · View notes

goodmode · 2 years

Text

literally spent the past few years having to re-get-to-know-myself because i grew up not knowing a damn thing about neurodivergence and not having any access to resources about anything and not knowing anything about gender and thinking adhd wasnt real and not knowing about trauma and how it might affect relationship building with people who have it and not knowing that theres a word for being so completely disillusioned with the concept of gender as it is forcibly applied to me and not knowing what stimming is and not knowing that the feeling of being brainwired completely differently to other people is in fact NOT a “normal thing” that everyone feels and addressing the ways i acted/reacted strangely in the past and how they might be indicators that i may not in fact be Just A “Normal” Person Who Just Can’t Get The Hang Of Being Human And It’s My Failing Somehow and realising that launching headfirst into an interest and not coming out for months may not be a Thing Everyone Does

we didnt have these resources when i was at school. i learned everything i know from tumblr because i didn’t have a choice, that’s part of why i talk and act and sound like i’m way younger than i actually am i think. partly because if you’re tumblr flavoured you talk like fandom is normal and partly because i didn’t get the tools to ACTUALLY grow as a person and develop into an adult until my mid 20s because i didn’t know what i was doing or how i was supposed to do it. everyone take a minute to mourn for the years of my life that just got immolated for no reason like jet fuel because i didn’t have any method of moving forwards with my understanding of life in general lol

anyway watching younger people embrace literally ALL of these different things about themselves with confidence and pride and no shame is really doing something for my own confidence. we live in a society but it sure is changing around me and for the better and younger folks are teaching me a lot that older people in my life didnt teach me when i was their age. society is a learning curve in reverse. society is walking through life backwards and never wondering why until you see younger people walking forwards and going “yeah you were taught and assumed to walk that way but have you ever considered turning around even though no one has told you to? we figured it out and we’re telling you now. also we are doing this through the medium of self-celebration”

anyway it took me ages to figure out gender and i’m 29 next month and i think i might be autistic lol. i mean ive thought that for a while but its the first time im writing it with full belief. watch me doubt myself later

also the thing about me acting/sounding younger isn’t me being creepy i promise. like. i am still very much setting myself apart from younger people. i am 28 and i am holding many things at arm’s length because it’s important to i think. but boy it sure makes it really hard to interact with other adults!

but in other ways it doesn’t. sometimes you talk to someone even older than you and they’re socially awkward and struggling and it clicks and you think “ah, you’re like me and you just don’t know it because you had even fewer tools than i did” and talking to them turns into a breeze and you can see visible relief in their face lol. “you’re so easy to talk to” thank you, we’re both probably neurodivergent but i have no way of informing you kindly in this short interaction

we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society we live in a society thank you for coming to my 9am ted talk. if you grew up without ever hearing a single person talk about autism positively or ever hearing anyone use the word “pronoun” outside of english lessons then you may be entitled to compensation

EDIT: ACTUALLY NO IM NOT DONE it affects the way i talk to children too and you can ALSO see kids open up like a sunflower when they realise an adult is actually HAPPY to listen to their whole infodump without interrupting and WANTS to hear about what theyve been doing in minecraft and DOES NOT want to stop them and go talk to other adults. oh god, oh god, the Being Listened To. i can only imagine how that would have felt

edit 2: wow i put my whole ass into this one fellas

#gmtxt

5 notes · View notes

tradedsymmetry · 1 year

Text

I just really need to complain about online school for a sec lol

so my mass media instructor posts a bunch of questions relating to each chapter that we're supposed to answer in discussion posts and then reply to each other and try to have a discussion. sometimes the questions are multiple questions in one, or have lots of info so they're multiple sentences. so i try to format it so that it's easy to read, which for me includes two things: 1. still including the question so that when someone else reads my post, they know wtf im talking about/the question im responding to, without having to scroll back up or have the questions in another window or something (which for me is easier/less awkward than writing my answer in a way that includes what the question is, like they taught us to in elementary school) and 2. bolding the question so that it's easily distinguished from the answer, so that you can scan the beginning of the question to remember what it is and then move on to the actual answer. it's also acceptable to bold the answers, my instinct is just the opposite for whatever reason. also good is to just put the answer on the line below the question. and so many people DONT DO THAT. and its so confusing??? i just... obviously i love that humans are all so different. but damn. i just have to assume that this is (at least) partially an adhd/neurodivergent thing, that im really aware of the fact that huge paragraphs are a nightmare to read and having formatting changes is sooo important and just ;akjshdfkajhsdf;hka

i would RATHER someone write a paragraph without the questions included at all, than include the question but without any difference between it and the answer!! its so mind numbing to read the question over and over and over, but you HAVE TO in order to find the start of the answer!!! like, does that not bother them when they have to go read other people's responses???

also, for the "go listen to the radio and then answer these questions" one, someone wrote that they listened to "the local music station from Seattle."

.....?????? what the FUCK does that mean lol

i mean, upon further investigation im thinking that maybe all the stations are owned by iheartmedia now and there's one, KEXP, that's still independent... but like... say that?? it just sounds like you didnt actually listen to anything lol

last thing, but the questions this instructor is asking... i just dont understand the point of them, really. i dont know if this class just isn't, like, getting to The Good Stuff? like, the good conversations? or if they're bad questions. but the instructor doesnt participate at all either, like there's no guidance or asking questions like you would expect if we were in a classroom setting. which doesnt make any sense to me, i would think that you would participate MORE in an online class, because it's ALREADY so difficult, as a student, to ask follow up questions and comment on things. or at least it is for me?? maybe that's not typical?? im just so afraid of someone taking something the wrong way, which, yeah i guess i know that that's my problem that i need to get over... it takes me SO long to write a reply, it's exhausting...

anyway... im definitely trying to keep an open mind, maybe it's one of those things where as the quarter goes on it'll start to make sense.

also my psych instructor is out of contact due to a family emergency and i dont think it will effect me/my work/my class because the lectures are all recorded and it's a combined class and the other instructor is awesome and still available but im sad cause she seems really great and i just hope she's okay!!!

also okay kind of a fun one, this one kid, in the discussion about books, only mentioned the bible, and basically wrote a summary of it. like... "what books have influenced you" and he just went on and on about how he learned about jesus christ ("most people have heard about Him" LOL) it was fucking... just absolutely unhinged behavior, idek. and someone that i've already enjoyed reading posts from just commented, "what other books do you like to read?" I FUCKING DIED. if there was an IM feature or something i might have proposed to her.

AND ANOTHER THING!!! THERE'S NO FUCKIN WAY TO TALK TO CLASSMATES IN ONLINE SCHOOL???? one of my classes last year had a thread dedicated to it, the instructor said something like, "you can post here to find people to study with" or something, but no one ever used it... except me, once... but no one ever saw my post :|

anywaaaaayyyy.... its just so weird. i didnt expect it to be so weird, or weird in these specific ways... idk. im going to finish this quarter and spring quarter online but like... i honestly might look into what it would be like to transfer somewhere in person?? there's one nearer to me (than the one im currently attending online)... but i also dont have a car, and dont go out much as it is so that would be a HUGE change, on TOP of having to learn things... so idk. idk if the pros or cons will win. but i feel like there should be an asterisk on my diploma or something. like, "learned all the things but had absolutely no interaction with other students, academically or socially. proceed with caution." asjdhfjkhsdf ughhh idk. maybe i need to recalibrate and remember why im even going, which originally was something like, "because it's something to do AND i will get money for doing it, and i like to learn things and want to learn things and it will be easier to learn things if, instead of seeking things out, they're taught to me with material and exercises and deadlines and some amount of accountability and feedback." not "to get a degree" and especially not "to get a degree and then "use" it."

bleeehhh okay bye.

#going to school #life

0 notes

eurydice-thefool · 3 years

Text

me during the day: if i can’t see my work it can’t see me

me as soon as i get tired: why am i making myself cry every night

#shay vents #im frustrated because. i dont know what i can do and what i cant #like i. didnt know i was neurodivergent as a kid. i assumed there was something i was doing wrong #so everything was my fault..#and then i get diagnosed with anxiety and adhd and i realize i'm. never gonna BE neurotypical #and thats ok! but #im scared now #because i dont know what i will never be able to do bc of my mental illness and what i can do but im just refusing to #i dont know what im allowed to let myself feel guilty about #so now i feel guilty for feeling guilty!!!#love is so much thanks brain /s #again dont worry about me. probably gonna sleep in an hour or so.

0 notes

fen1s · 3 years

Note

Lmaoo so there is this one tweet that actually describes what I really think the insane mauruaders stans and the tweet goes : some of yall heard one fucking word and now yall can't stop saying it (and it's like a reference to those fuckers who say gatekeep, gaslight, toxic but for everything and they act its profound or some shit). I think they um definetly saw those words and deadass went let's be eco friendly and reuse the same arguments and everyone else went yes. And when there was a genuine difference of opinion they go to their backup response : by supporting this element or seeing their pov you are ( anti Semitic /racist / homophobic) and it's just like :you are aware the same people exist in this community right???

(also I really find it funny that some of them literally don't think the mauruaders won't fucking hate crime them, no ma'am they will hate crime you and then proceed to get the slap on the wrist, they are the reasons your school has anti bullying week [also lmaoo pandering to them makes to be in the 'group' makes all of you Peter Pettigrew you know the same dude you all decided to ignore] )

And then I have to remind myself that there will be one of them who will raise kids and try to be 'jily' parents which I assume is living vicariously through your child because God you peaked in highschool and you won't shut the fuck up about it (and lack any fucking development) which is consistent with Canon so hey it does work out. Also like who's gonna pay for your child's therapy when they realize people who are dickish to you are simply just dickish and no why do you think this is an enemies to lovers trope (and also for their kids dry ass personality which they got from their parents because ik they would want them to be constantly involved but like gym teacher with a kid who's into slight sports and now the kid has to try to get in the national team lol)

Like I need them to have a snape attitude towards kids which was very much : fuck them kids ( and I honestly couldn't agree more to.)

Hey so if you're a fan of the m*rauders and this appears in the general tag, im sorry, i tagged the post correctly but sometimes the tagging system doesnt filter content correctly, but just so yall know, below the read more will be content that is very m*rauder critical which yall may not like or may be upset by. this is a fair warning

It's genuinely frustrating how often they repeat the same arguments as if we care. like we know snape isnt a kind person and we know he doesnt make the best or morally correct decisions, but they never hold other characters to a remotely similar standard that they hold snape to

they like characters due to popularity and how much they can add in headcanons, we know almost nothing about the marauders era, so they can make their own universe independent of the harry potter plot line, but they dont actually give a shit about the canon characterizations we already have

the m*rauders are not canonically progressive, their bullying of snape isn't coming from a progressive stance. they literally only bully him because they think hes weird. there isnt any canon evidence that they went after students who were actively causing harm to others, such as avery and mulciber (two boys who actively were attacking muggleborn students), they never went after regulus despite the fact that je was outspokenly supportive of voldemort to the point where regulus basically had a fucking shrine dedicated to him, there isnt any canon evidence that they went after any other junior death eater. there is canon evidence that they attacked random kids simply for annoying them. there is canon evidence that they used illegal hexes on students that had the risk of causing permanent bodily damage. and i think the real nail on the coffin for the idea that the m*rauders only went after snape due to him being a wannabe death eater is something sirius literally says

this means that even during the war, the m*rauders didnt suspect snape of being a death eater, let ALONE when they were at school

they also just think all snape fans are white straight cis women who obsess over the "always 🥺" line. like they dont take into account POC fans, lgbtq+ fans, nonbinary or trans fans, jewish fans, poor fans, disabled fans, neurodivergent fans. they paint us all with the "you never read the books you just want to fuck alan rickman" brush and call it a day so they dont actually have to engage with us despite constantly coming into our spaces

also it BOTHERS me how they'll call snape a n@zi and then turn around and say "awe james was just a bit of a jerk !! 🥺🥺" bestie he was an actual genuine sadist who got off on bullying and sexually assaulting kids he deemed weird. like sorry to the alt m*rauder kinnies, but if you're punk, emo, goth whatever james potter would've bullied the absolute hell out of you. canonically. sirius literally defends his bullying of snape by calling him an oddball, yall dont think you would've been on the other end of their bullying?

#anti marauders #anti james potter #anti sirius black #pro severus snape #severus snape #this got kind of rambly #also if this does find its way into the m*rauder tag id recomment filtering the anti general tags so that this type of content doesnt appea #in the search engines in the future

48 notes · View notes

ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years

Note

(pt. 1) it seems ennea 1/8/cp6s can mistype as one another quite often. it also seems that there is an overwhelming amount of bs circulating around these types. especially 8s. you know more than i do, so i figured that i'd ask for your input. thanks in advance if you choose to read all this. basically, which one would you say is most fitting for myself? i'm extremely stubborn and willful. tbh, those two are simultaneously some of my best AND worst traits.

(pt. 2) i've gotten better at unclenching as i've aged though, so on the whole i think they're positive forces in my life at this point. when i was a kid i had some anger issues, but i worked on them and by the time i reached adulthood the issues had been dealt with. i still feel anger (of course lol), possibly a bit more often than others, but i dont really blow up. using that energy to instead try to fix the problem causing anger ASAP is better in literally every way so i do that instead.

(pt. 3) that last part about the anger actually is one of my tripping points, most descriptions of 8s ive read show them as being very explosive. some of them to the point where it sounds kind of cartoonish- which makes me doubt how accurate their descriptions of 8s are. but moving on, i'm very independent and have been from a young age. being reliant on other people is like sandpaper on my soul, i have trust issues tbh (that im working on with a professional)

(pt. 4) one of my more 1-ish traits (i think??) is that i tend to be pretty focused on the morality of my actions, with apparently enough intensity that other people point it out when describing me. i'm VERY concerned with justice. it's difficult for me to be a bystander. seeing people attacking others who cant defend themselves is infuriating on a deep level. i'll stand down if the victim asks, since they know their lives better than me, and offer other forms of support instead.

(pt. 5) related to that, i have very high emotional empathy while also having low cognitive empathy (both due to the same neurodivergence) which i think drives me towards compassion. despite the fact that i, in general, feel things with the intensity of a bonfire pushing the limits of what can be controlled, i apparently dont often show it externally. other people (w/ the exception of close friends) almost universally describe me as aloof. which probably ties into the trust issues tbh.

(pt. 6) close friends have told me that, before they got to knew me, that they were intimidated by me and thought that i didnt like them. other people seem to feel the same, but dont say so very often. with the people that were stubborn/caring enough to actually get to know me, it takes a LONG time for me to start opening up to them. but once we get to that point, pretty much the only thing that'd break off the friendship is them doing something morally reprehensible, violating my boundaries...

(pt. 7) or them ending the friendship themselves. a stumbling block in some of my relationships is that i can get into power struggles, sometimes over things that arent really that important in hindsight. i dont want to be anyones subordinate, i need equality in all my personal relationships if they're going to exist at all. i tend to take on the role of the Dad Friend in my friend groups; ive been told by them that they kind of see me as a source of strength that they can draw from/rely on

(pt. 8) ... its something that i like about myself. im also very blunt when communicating for better or worse. people come to me for honest, direct feedback and input, but it has made me some enemies in the past. when i was less mature it made me kind of abrasive tbh, though i learned to play nice well enough that its been literal years since i heard that specific complaint. also this is apparently relevant to the type question so tl;dr yeah, bad childhood. hopefully this is enough info for you

-------

Hi anon,

Thanks for your patience! My guess is cp6, but I’m not positive. I should also add, as always, that I do believe that neurodivergent people can be typed but because I do not (and should not) have all the details of people’s conditions nor can I judge what is due to those conditions and what is inherent to personality (not to mention whether that condition is something you consider inherent to your personality) it can be much more difficult for me to type.

While the way we act in inboxes isn’t the same necessarily as how we act in real life, “thanks in advance if you choose to read this” is not really an 8 statement to me and none of the writing style here stands out as 8: it’s far too conciliatory. 8s can be polite/cordial, but in my experience there tends to be a certain forcefulness or at least expectation. A healthy 8 is more likely to assume they will be read.

Similarly, you indicate that expressing that anger directly is something you’ve moved away from. 8s don’t - they learn perhaps to express it more respectfully (it is true that constant explosive anger is extremely unhealthy and that a lot of 8 descriptions are really hyperbolic) but healthy 8s don’t feel bad about being angry and find value in that expression, in addition to fixing the problem.

With that said I don’t get the sense you feel bad about angry outbursts necessarily, which is pretty common in 1s, and the morality seems outward focused: this doesn’t feel like a fear of “what if I am corrupt” but rather a more 6-like focus of defense and fighting for a belief.

You do mention extreme loyalty to those you are close to, and the wariness of a cp6 but the inherent 6 need for support systems - and willingness to be a pillar within that support system speaks to that.

The one thing that does still speak to 8 is the need for equality, and so I would look into what that ultimate fear is: is it a fear of being dominated or controlled in general (8), or is it a mistrust of those who have been in control over you and who did not provide you with the beneficial guidance and support they should have (6)?

#enneagram #Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

artificialenvy · 3 years

Text

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.

#they seemed to have changed their blog to currynya now #If you stop calling me a predator and stopped treating me like an abuser without listening and instead had a proper adult conversation on #discord id be willing to take down this post #but as it sits i have no choice since you keep attacking my character #currynya #currynahh

1 note · View note

scriddleraesth-blog · 6 years

Text

nothing else is helping today so im gonna just start talking about my agender jon if thats ok

- a lot of chest scarring. most of it looks potentially self-inflicted.

- not particularly fond of labels since none of them seem to cover the sheer amount of nuances neurodivergence contains or the inbetweens

- apart from that jon usually describes their neurodivergence as ‘atypical complex sensory-impaired ptsd with bpd neurosis’ to those who bother to ask or pry too much

- jon started out with autism as a kid. it caused them to hyperfixate on things like sounds of words, industrial machinery, and oily textures, which resulted in a lot of cases of jon getting into whatever oily substance they could find and often trying to pull apart the tractor to see how it worked.

- their parents didnt believe in any sort of mental disorders, were hardcore southern christians that believed all problems with a persons brain were to be prayed away

- jon was put through three exorcisms. one of the priests involved eventually went to prison for. something else. the other two, one of them was an alcoholic and hanged himself years later and the third moved to a different state.

- when jon was first travelling to gotham they saw a cross along the side of the road and ended up driving their car straight into a telephone pole from the ensuing flashback. they refused medical care and hitchhiked the rest of the way. their neck still has three hairline fractures that healed badly, leaving them unable to turn their head too far.

- jon has befriended eight crows with food and shiny things.

- jon spent 4 years working at an ice cream stand in wildwood nj before driving to gotham for college. forged several documents to even be able to go to college, since they’d dropped out of school at age 15 to run away from home and never got a chance to get their GED. ended up having 5 years of college before the university caught wind and ended up just giving jon the test for their GED since itd been 5 years and jon had such a high GPA

- jon had a couple of names before they settled on jon. theyd tried ‘reginald’ out for a week before switching it to ‘reggie’ for four months, then realized people were assuming it was short for ‘regina’. ‘torrence’ lasted almost a year until people started calling them ‘tori’.

- jon used to take advantage of their hair color to hide in the straw

- jon has an untreated orbital fracture in their left eye from when they were 10 going on 11. they wear schlera blackout contacts specifically to cover the permanent blood stain in their left schlera to avoid comments on it. their vision wasn’t 20-20 before that, but now they require glasses or strong contacts to be able to see depth properly. they have to physically tilt their head up and down to see up and down since their left eye has trouble doing so on its own.

- jon’s schlera blackout contacts are perscription and they get them from an eye doctor. pretty sure the doctor knows theyre scarecrow. dont know how the doc feels about this. actually pretty sure their eye doctor might be Quilt. idk

- jon fucking loves counting crows and sheryl crow. amazingly not because they both have crow in the name. no seriously listen to this music please and tell me this wouldnt be in any scarecrows playlist i dare you

- jon has the shittiest fucking pure black fake metal tree they put up every holiday for winter solstice. it has orange lights and a popcorn garland and candy corn garland too. the tree topper is a fucking jack o lantern and theres fuckin fake crows in it. everywhere.

- jon is a wiccan and favors rock based minerals over crystal based minerals. their religious practice ties in with their PHD and knowledge of minerals.

9 notes · View notes

ironicallynyas · 6 years

Text

i feel like such an alien right now. i almost always feel this way to some extent, whether im aware of it or not, but right now im really aware of it. i guess it comes with the territory of having adhd and autism and who knows what else, but at times it feels like 90% of my effort is put into essentially passing the turing test. even before i was consciously aware that im different ive always worked hard at trying to fit in, i guess that much is probably human nature. everyone wants to fit in, but ive never been super good at it.

i remember in upper elementary and middle school there was this one other kid i knew who was autistic, named alex. i didnt interact with alex much, but i saw how others reacted to him. he wasnt bullied much, as my school actually meant it when they said they had a no tolerance policy on bullying, and several of the teachers had experience working with neurodivergent kids and would have none of that bullshit. despite that, people treated him differently. in part i suppose this was because he was in fact a bit different, alex had trouble reading most social cues for example, far more than i or most people our age did. i have a tendency to try to assume the best of people, so i gave everyone the benefit of the doubt that most if not all of how they treated him differently was with best intentions or from simply not quite knowing how to react to him. As tolerant and progressive as my schools teachings were, and how much that rubbed off on my peers, i probably gave them too much credit. and outside of how they reacted to alex directly i saw too, part of how they thought of him when he wasnt around, the eye rolls, sighs, and groans that sometimes accompanied the prospect of having to work with him.

the reason im remembering alex now is because i always thought we were different. back then i didnt think of myself as autistic. i knew myself as having a really bad case of adhd, and was dimly aware that i was also diagnosed with something called aspergers (which is autism). besides that, even if i had thought of myself as autistic, alex and i showed a different set of behaviors and symptoms. i knew that i was WEIRD, and in my mind i held a hierarchy of weirdness/popularity. alex, even as well as we all got along with him, was probably the biggest outsider, in my mind. the next farthest out i perceived myself, followed shortly by some of my loose friends who i knew also had adhd. those others where tighter knit with both each other and the rest of the class than i, so apart from the few small cliques that isolated themselves from the class as a whole (as much as the school would let them get away with lmao) alex and i had the farthest orbits from the center in my mental social solar system model, alex being farther out than me. at least thats what i always thought. i thought that alex was more of an outsider than i was, but what if i was wrong? perhaps our orbits were not that of neptune and uranus, but more like that of pluto and neptune, each taking turns being farthest from the center. i saw how people reacted to alex when he wasnt around. maybe alex saw something of how people reacted to me when i wasnt around, things i have no knowledge of.

growing up with adhd and autism, ive always been weird. ive always felt to a varying degree and with a varying awareness of the feeling, like an alien or robot doing their best Normal Human impression. ive long known that as much as i try, my impression isnt perfect. and right now as im writing this, im unsure if i pass as neurotypical even half as good as i have always thought. i have as much way of knowing what is thought of me when i am not around as alex did.

#mystic rants

1 note · View note

thefreshchannel · 7 years

Note

Hey I'm newish to the td fandom so do mind me asking who Tasha is?

I guess since she seems to have deleted i can tell the story now lmao

She was basically a fake identity created to harass """the populars™""" like if u heard of jaded teenage girl tashalovesnirvana u probably already know what her personality was like, but the td fanbase was basically her origins and it is an incredibly long story to tell u every little thing shes done so a tl;dr would be tasha is basically a harasser/stalker who traumatized a lot of people for many years. like she pretended to be so many other people and was very out for blood lmao. Also she was a fake persona, along w many others, created by the creator of theconfessioncam herself cherri (who hasnt been online since new years 2015) to make everyone miserable for “kicking her out the td fandom”

BUT IF U WANNA KNOW THE FULL STORY IT’S UNDER A CUT CAUSE BOI IS IT LONG AND TYPING IT FELT UNREAL

I already spoke abt theconfessioncam so we'll just skip to the day the person behind it was exposed. The person behind it was called cherri (isabelle was her real name but we all called her cherri bc it was in her url)

Cherri was infamous amongst the fanbase bc she shipped chrindsay and wouldn't understand why others didn't, was mostly anti sj/w, liked and defended the one character who shall not be named at the time people were calling out the issues they had w the character (all ppl calling out the issues being neurodivergent while she was neurotypical also this is discourse i am not willing to touch again so dont even think abt sending asks about this lmao), created the phrase "screw you i'm getting my duncney on" and constantly commenting abt why the fandom was toxic and shit like that. Most people would ignore her at first until after theconfessioncam turned out to be her. Many people presented proof and evidence and now she was public enemy #1 like no one liked her and one night everyone started calling her out for her shit and like she immediately blew up. On everyone. I'm p sure after that night the whole plot started.

So like. Shortly after comes a person called "holly-so-jolly" (who then became holly-smokes-molly for a short period of time in late 2015? 2016? fuck idk but her fame was very short but thats another story)Holly befriended cherri and her group of uglies so fast by always being like "wow fuck the populars"

the populars, a term coined in by theconfessioncam's anons, referred to ppl who would argue a lot abt smthn and others would agree w over well, cherris gang. Anyways holly would almost immediately always start a fight w the populars or say some problematic shit or stan for cherri a lot. I know y'all are wondering what this has to do w tasha but trust me we'll get there lol

A few days (maybe a day or two) after holly joins the fanbase, a new hateblog (SPECIFICALLY MADE TO SEND HATE ABOUT THE POPULARS) popped up. The populars would get anons about the hate blog seeing as it was so brand new that it wouldnt show up in the tag just yet. And these confessions were CRUEL. Like wishing death/murder upon these ppl, encouraging self harm, harassing minors (literally under 16 at the time), ableist comments, racism, transphobia, homophobia like it was all there. Someone else faked a new blog agreeing w these confessions and managed to speak to the new hate blog (this was someone who was undercover and managed to expose the person running that hateblog, which ended up being holly)

Holly then changed her url to winner-challenged to try to impersonate ryan, but them claimed to be other 2 people making an april fool's joke (in february no less lmao) and then she changed her persona completely to desireesparx and tried to pass off as a new person in the fanbase. But it didnt work and she deleted as fast as she came in. Antitotaldramapopulars only lasted one day. On the same day, theconfessioncam was deleted. People suspected cherri was behind all this all to which she claimed she wasnt but we all know the truth lol.

After holly hell, tasha fiasco started. And boy was tasha fucking persistent. Like she came in early 2014, and only JUST NOW DELETED. It is 2017.

Tasha-loves-duncney was ?? I guess ur basic td blogger who just loved duncney? No one had any thoughts of her at first until she made a post about not understanding why people hated mike. So people went on to explain. And i forgot rlly what happened but like tasha started getting more aggressive. Like she would reblog "the populars'" personal posts and mock them, she even added a comment hoping for the person's house to fall on them. Someone then made the "fly away tasha" comment and she CRIED because apparently she had been bullied for having a bird nose and been told that before so it only made the phrase stick. She then made an entire post saying rape wasnt bad or some weird ugly shit like that, and even after that she still had a few ppl supporting her (mostly other anti s/jws in the fanbase and cherris old friends ((also CHERRI WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND OR SEEN! SHE DISAPPEARED DURING ALL THIS LOL))) And that's when we all were all over her and i'm p sure it was when all the hate blogs came back.

I'm not sure if maybe i'm confusing it for another hateblog or if there was another one before this one (or i'm getting the timeline wrong bc is2g tasha deleted and came back so many times) but a confession blog popped up called "camerainthepotty" or smthn along the lines that just seemed to post whatever random weird asks ppl would send them. Then during that night it converted to tdgossipgirls and ?? It was such a weird blog lmao like just like antitotaldramapopulars, it aimed to bully the fandom populars in burn book style ? Tabloid magazine style? Point is we all knew it was tasha lmao and at this point it started to become clear who tasha really was. Whatever hateblog it was it would post fake edited asks allegedly sent by the populars themselves which gave us great classics such as "king bee ryan outtie!"

Anyways tasha liked another populars' personal post and people told her to delete bc it was a super heavy personal post. She claimed it was for support but like she finally deleted. And we were tasha clear for a few months? Weeks? (someone even took the url i think) so she then came back as "tashasbackbitches" and boi was she mad lmao. The whole tag asked her to fly away and she took a screenshot of it and claimed bullying. She then tried to ruin ale//noah day by posting pics of dunc/ney which compared to all she's done this is the most tame thing she had done but ppl were still mad abt that anyways lol. So i think a day later she made the anti-winnerchallenged blog specifically aimed at ryan for whatever reason. She ""accidentally"" made a post for anti-winnerchallenged on tashasbackbitches but like once ppl pointed it out something even weirder happened like it sounds fucking unreal but apparently it was a fake tasha???? According to real tasha??? Who was now back as "tashalovesduncney" with no hyphens?? And going to people's inbox saying that tashasbackbitches WAS NOT HER And that she had proof on her blog bc there was a pic of her holding a piece of paper w her url written on it and also an audio post explaining what happened.

So tashasbackbitches was deleted and now we were stuck with tashalovesduncney. Which at first was??? Idk but the audio post on her blog sounded high pitched like. It didnt sound like no human voice lmao. Also the pic of her had the piece of paper edited in. So someone pointed it out and like. She immediately assumed another ""popular"", cass, had sent it. And when i tell u this tasha was DARK AND OUT FOR BLOOD, I MEAN IT LMAO. Like tasha clung on to cass ever since. She would @ them and all that shit on posts and like. This tasha was out to attack. She would constantly say awful shit abt the populars and @ them in her posts, or she would @ well known anti sj/w blogs (such as p0ppypicklesticks, swimmninda/privilege u name it) and encourage them to slay our sjw asses. Not only that but now there was an anti-deadbyshawn blog to aim hate at cass specifically.

I guess at some point someone else came in the fandom by the name of staceyd123 and was received in many different ways like1. People assuming this was tasha2. People defending her bc she was a minor3. Tasha encouraging her to befriend her

However a lot of ppl started to believe this was a different person. She did befriend tasha and a lot of the ppl in the fandom and bc she was a minor a lot of the older kids protected her from tasha and constantly warned her. Sometime between that antitdpopulars came back and more fake asks were posted, populars were being blamed on for the blog to bring attention to themselves. Not sure if it was earlier or at this exact time but i think it would tie into the next event better.

so tasha and stacey had this BIG FIGHT i guess cause stacey outed tasha for running the new anti populars blog and in this fight tasha blamed stacey for staceys parents divorcing and stacey claimed tasha clipped her toenails in a voice call and like. It was so odd at this point tasha started making fake asks about the people who supported her lmao. Then she would submit herself to blogs to send love to ppl being bullied and then those ppl would fight us and the whole night was a mess. Stacey had deleted and then tasha kept her url. I'm p sure sometime later tasha deleted too?? She came back as a sideblog the next time.

Stacey came back a bit around the same time and ofc had ppl on her side welcoming her back. Almost immediately. Another new persona came in at the time too known as ""fucknmacine18??"" He changed the url to "thechazmeister" or whatever but he was basically a dumb white straight dude fake persona that claimed to have abandoned the south park fandom. Once in the td fandom, he would reblog a lot of the girls selfies and make comments on them also claiming to fall in love w one of the populars? Two of the populars? Idk but point is him being there was. Irrelevant for a while. He would send uncomfortable asks to stacey apparently and also told tasha to fly away/rejected her or some weird shit that happened there idk the story of that but i know tasha was trying to befriend him and flirting w him lmao.

Several hateblogs came out too, one being psychoanalyzing the populars which would reveal incredibly personal information about them (based on their personal posts) and evaluate them. It was a really fucked up blog and no one knew how on earth she managed to get that information. The other one was very tame, it was battleofthepopulars or smthn like that which consisted of the populars being in a td like setting and each being voted off everyday and like. No one rlly paid attention to it lol. In the end when she booted off one of the populars, she ranted that it was bc she had blamed cherri for something she didn't even do. Which was suspicious seeing as tasha wasnt here around that time, meaning this person knew about cherri being exposed as theconfessioncam.

During that same time, tasha was still very much clinging onto cass. Sending them fanmails as she couldnt send asks since she was on a sideblog. Meaning she followed ppl on an unknown main blog. Cass would receive over 200 fanmails a day from tasha. Tasha even changed her blog's url to match cass'. One night tasha got tired of being ignored and blackmailed cass into talking to them, or their friends would be harassed. The main tag was full of tasha posting edited pictures of ryan on the main td tag, personal posts of another one of cass' friends with the read more code taken off. It was a horrible night. But in the end tasha exposed her main blog was staceyd123. Tasha had faked being stacey which would explain how she managed to get the personal information for her psychoanalyzations blog. She explained it was because she was someone who got kicked out of the fandom by “tortellani and the other populars” and that she finally knew what it was like living like a popular. She then proceeded to spam the tag w animal gore knowing it was a heavy trigger for one of the populars. Stacey/tasha then deleted. Never to be heard of until...oh no wait, we almost forgot our buddy chaz.

So chaz stuck around and made dumb posts and like. No one really cared for him. Until he wanted to be seen as a threat so he made a hate blog on american thanksgiving day taking the populars' descriptions on their mobile blogs and making them bad adding racist/homophobic commentary. It was here where he stole 2 urls belonging to two other populars and tried to pass off as them. Cass had remade, but chaz took their current url (hottiemcfright) as well as the tortellani url belonging to the other person who had changed urls to avoid traffic from TiA. So that night chaz. God it was a blur but he pretended to be those two people and filled the tag w a bunch of animal gore. Tumblr did jump on that and deleted him. Chaz was another of tasha's personas so, NOW we don't hear of tasha until february of 2015.

So now under the url: tashalovesnirvana, she sent popular bloggers racist slurs thinking she was on anon and then begged for them not to be posted and theyre posted for everyone to read. No one thought twice about it when the screenshots were going around but eventually ppl in the td fanbase noticed that tasha had sent those. And i mean, you can basically look this up as it spread from just the td fandom to literally all of tumblr knew about her. They made her asks into copypastas. And it got rlly funny bc at some point she didnt even know who kurt cobain was.

Anyways after this mess she deleted but she came back. Except this time tumblr updated the blocking system so it could actually work. And boy did it work well. Tasha did get 15 minutes of fame (or less) again when she came back but everyone would just block her and she would never be heard of again. She was still there reblogging posts from the ppl she hated toLet them know. She would try to get their attention but. The moment she would contact them she'd get hit w the block button. So naturally she brought back her persona "holly" as a stoner girl "holly-smokes-molly" who also had a short lived fame but then, again, people stopped caring after they had blocked her. One of her comebacks was her coming back as a woke feminist but no one else cared about her. Tasha was an old meme, so 2 years ago. No one else gave attention to her.

In 2017 she finally deleted. Like the url isnt even hoarded so that's how u know that it's all done. It took 3 years for her to leave us alone. 3 traumatizing years. A lot of the people involved were minors too.

I know i probably messed up some parts of this or got confused w the many hateblogs she made but like. Trust me when i say that she remade so many times it's hard to keep track of all the weird shit she has done. Also i've been typing this since 8am and i still shake a bit thinking about this lol.

87 notes · View notes

ofdreamsanddoodles · 7 years

Note

gwen tennyson

sexual orientation headcanon: mmmm pan probablygender headcanon: cis girl? *shrugs*mental illness / neurodivergent headcanon: i feel like gwen is like, undeniably nd, only it’s not something that really gets picked up on, b/c all her anxiety is generally focused around school, or doing some project that ppl just assume she’s an overachiever and dont realize she’s like, a lil dead inside from all that stress she’s giving herself?3 random headcanons:

as a kid she went to a lot of different kinds of like, magic shows and whatever because she wanted to see if she figure out how everything worked, but not everyone she knew realized her intent or whatever, so she has a lot of relatives who think she’s interested in magic because it’s cool and she’s honestly still a bit annoyed about this

she joined like literally every club in high school because she wanted to look good for college and etc and she had some friends joke that if anyone was actually gonna pull it off it was her, but she did eventually end up dropping out of like, half of them just bc they werent in her interest and it was just too much mentally

she knows SO MUCH about cars just from like, kevin osmosis. they just spend a lot of time together & that’s like, his Thing so she sorta started picking stuff up, but she didnt really notice how much it was till she was on a roadtrip w/ her family and the car broke down so she ended up giving like, this giant list of things that could possibly be wrong and how to fix it. ben doesnt know like half of what she does just bc she was listening like, 5% more & thought the knowledge was more useful then he did

#asks #petrosapian

19 notes · View notes

queerloquial · 7 years

Note

every odd question~

How did you choose your name?

ive just always favored magpies, so the word ended up in two of my urls (this one, and my original, steam-powered-magpie) and eventually turned into what people call me

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

social, definitely. i really only experience discomfort with my body based on what people around me see when they look at me- they see certain traits and assume ‘this is a girl’, so sometimes i do what i can to change or hide those traitsWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

trans, specifically- probably when i was 19/20 and learning more about being nonbinary and the various words i could use to identify myself

being not cis- i remember being as young as ¾/5 and thinking ‘i am not a girl at all >:(’

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

the first thing in my head was ‘i can pick my own name!’How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

im really only out here on tumblr (where i just edited my about page), and to my sister (who follows me & read my about every time i update it) and best friend (who i told in conversation somewhere, fairly casually)

im not out to anyone else irl because i live with and around a lot of people who are very against anyone who isnt a middle-class-or-higher white able-bodied neurotypical cis het conservative protestant christian

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

ive never used a real binder- only sports bras a size or two smaller than i wear normally- but im strongly considering getting one when im more financially stableWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

ive thought vaguely about top surgery or starting t, but they dont appeal to me nearly as much as just binding and wearing guys clothesWhat labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

i was a demigirl at one point, and used to go by she/her pronouns. now i only use those with people im not out toWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i use the womens room by choice, its habit by this point and i do so love my routines. i did once have a gas station attendant accidentally unlock the mens room for me- i was wearing baggy clothing and had my hair up in my hat- and having them assume from a glance that i was not in fact a woman was very niceWould you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

is that different from being closeted? if not, i do it because i dont feel particularly safe being properly outWhy do you use the pronouns you use?

they/them is a nice neutral set of pronouns that already fit neatly into common grammar

also im plural, so, bonus pointsWhat’s your biggest trans-related fear?

being known as trans by the people i currently live with/around & them reacting the way i think they wouldWhat do you wish cis people understood?

well that trans people are fucking human, for one. i cant tell you how many times my mom has heard about trans kids on the news and proceeded to talk about each one and call them “it”…

also that gender is not male/female, that presentation does not equal identity, that medically transitioning is not the only way to be trans or nonbinary/that not everyones medical transition is the same (some people take hormones, some get one surgery, some go all-out, some people dont want to medically transition at all)What do you do to validate yourself?

bind and put on my gayest flannel and my nice heavy boots and tuck my hair into the collar of my shirt. looking less obviously-feminine clears up a lotHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

i reblog trans/nb positivity posts and occasionally do gender-related dragon age headcanons, but thats about itWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?

uhhhhh being treated as human i guessHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

i think there might be some effect from being poor and fat- something along the lines of ‘society at large doesnt see me as a real woman anyways/i cant perform femininity to the required degree so why not be genderless’. theres definitely pull from being neurodivergent; thats actually my Real Identity definition. ‘gendervague- gender or lack thereof influenced by mental illness’. i use agender for conveniences sake, but at the core, i feel like if i didnt have all the brain things that i do then i would have a genderDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

non-gender with left masculineHow did/do you manage waiting to transition?

with my current living and financial situation, waiting is kinda mandatory, so its just. thats life, theres no changing it without drastic action that i dont know if im comfortable taking right nowDo you interact with other trans people IRL?

to my knowledge, no, but they could be closeted or just not disclosing their gender to me

#tao kan #misc tag #endlessly screaming into the void #askbox meme reply #the exception to irl interaction is that currently im hanging out w my Very Not Cis datemate for a while #its only for a few weeks tho #:(

1 note · View note

autistic--cryptid · 3 years

Note

A lil late but you're so right with the late work thing like,, its better to just be like "better late than never" and theres multiple reasons why not accepting late work is stupid as hell:

You're more likely to get half assed super rushed work because the students are more concerned about just getting it turned in than taking the time to do it fully

Deadlines stress people out and can be especially shitty for people who are bad with regulating work/time (e.x. neurodivergent students who have executive dysfunction or just generally are bad with time and deadlines)

Chances are the late work is at least partially done?? Its better to get SOME work from a student than not let them even try to turn at least something in

Just let people turn things in a little late??? It's not that big a deal my god you can even take a LITTLE BIT of points off for it being late just don't be ridiculous with it maybe if it's more than a week late take off 10% or something overall it's better to let them have some kind of grade

You're also assuming they have the actual time and ability to get that work done at home some people are too busy genuinely especially older high schoolers who might have jobs and they might have a lot of other homework that they need to get done

You're not taking into account that some people struggle with mental health which in turn can affect their motivation and ability to effectively get work done so not accepting late work is just gonna further destroy their motivation to even try to get it done

Better late than never policy >>>> late work = zero policy

-🌺

hi wait i’m sorry i saw this a while ago and then forgot to answer

you’re so right tho there’s so many reasons as to why a student might not be able to get work done on time. not to mention these students might not have a supportive household and therefore cant get any medical help for their struggles thus meaning they can’t get a 504 that says they can turn in work late.

teachers who create that like “late work is always an automatic 0 policy” just put themselves in a position where they’re more likely to not receive assignments than teachers who accept late work. if a kid works on an assignment and doesn’t finish or can’t work on it in the given time (like in class or something) for whatever reason and then realizes they’re 10 minutes past the due time at any point in their process of working on it, they might feel like there’s no point in turning it in or finishing their assignment if they’re just gonna get a 0 regardless of whether they do it or not. like, if doing the assignment will result in a 0, and not doing the assignment will result in a 0, what’s the point in trying? the idea that everything has to be completed to a certain extent and has to reach a certain caliber completely destroys a student’s motivation to do anything in that class if everything they do runs the risk of ending up meaningless.

give your students the time they need to work on assignments, even if that means they turn things in late sometimes, and stop acting like turning it in 10 minutes late or an hour late or 5 hours late is the same as not turning it in at all. two kids can start an assignment at the same time and both end at different times (which teachers should know if they’ve ever given tests in class and seen students turn their tests in at different times), turning something in late doesn’t always mean you didnt start it until after the due time, and it doesnt mean you didn’t try. please be considerate that not every kid has the time and ability to get an assignment done in the time theyre given

#‘‘well you can’t complain about the work load i give you cause i have to grade it all!!’’#if it’s so hard to grade it all then don’t give that much work #not to mention we all have 7-8 classes that all give different hard and long assignments #and we don’t all have people who can help us on homework or the ability to get all of our work done fast #and some students have jobs or siblings to take care of #or food to buy and errands to run #or family members to take care of or friends to take care of #or frequent doctors appointments like weekly therapy #or yknow like friends they wanna go out and do stuff with #if the only way we can get through school without having late or missing work #is to do literally nothing except for school #then school is fucked up #like yes you as a teacher need to grade all the work you’re giving #but you have the ability to control all the work you’re giving #and there’s plenty of teachers who’s only job is teaching #so they aren’t going home then immediately working for another 4 hours then cramming in school work then somehow getting sleep #please just acknowledge that students are people with lives outside of school #peyton says things #ask #🌺#long post

3 notes · View notes