#like idk how to feel about it I don’t want to bring it up to her but now she’s just mad at me and idk what to do???

[haetrack]

"girl who is going to be okay" back with the hard hour!

i know you tend to write more dominant and sexier y/ns (which i think are chef's kiss, esp the doms) but when it comes to jaemin for some reason i always imagine him with a less experienced y/n.

he wants to be oh so sweet to you, taking his time by slowly dragging his cock through your warm walls, his head nuzzled in your neck, but you just won't stop squeezing around him out of nervousness. idk why but the image of a man trying his hardest to restrain himself from going the pace that he wants, having to come to a still multiple times while all the way inside you to just take a breather and calm down, is just so hot?

jaemin x afab!reader

wc: 6.4k

warnings: pwop LOL, established relationship, inexperienced reader, desperate jaemin, dry humping, fingering, praise, oral, protected sex, soft dom!jaemin, sub!reader

a/n: don't ask me what happened... i lost the fight against jaemin brainrot...

-

jaemin has been trying to control himself recently.

he’s always been more cautious with you knowing that you still get shy around him. he asks if he can kiss you, softly placing his lips on yours. his hands never grip too tight around your waist, and they never wander down too far. unless it’s you who’s initiating the touching, he’ll keep his hands to himself to stop the need to hold you tight against him.

even if he wants to.

it’s been an ongoing struggle recently. he doesn’t know why, but he’s been filled with the need to have your warm walls around his length. on the late nights where you’re not there with him, he’s left alone to fuck his fist, imagining it’s you wrapped around him. he’d be so good to you, taking care of your every need.

he knows that he’s supposed to take it slow with you. you opened up to him saying that you were more inexperienced and that you were open to trying things with him. you just wanted to take it slow, you weren’t in a rush. he obviously respected your opinion, but he can’t help the thoughts that flooded his mind.

all he could manage was a soft smile and a press of his lips onto yours. he couldn’t wait to have you how you wanted.

-

jaemin wants you to come onto him. he doesn’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for yet. 

it’s one night where you’re both watching a movie. you’re cuddled up into his side, trying hard to pay attention to the movie playing in front of you. you’re not sure what’s gotten into you, but you can’t stop thinking about jaemin. he’s not doing anything, his hand is smoothing over your side as he watches the movie. 

you keep thinking of your words from the other day. you were the one who suggested going slow, but as you’re sitting next to him now, you’re not sure how you’re supposed to hold up your words. you don’t know how to bring it up. you’re not even sure what exactly it is that you want.

you can feel heat building up in your body, your cheeks growing hot the more time you spend at jaemin’s side. you bury your head into his shoulder, and jaemin coos at the sight of you. you almost feel guilty for feeling so… like this while he has no idea. you can feel frustration build up inside you, tears threatening to prick at your eyes as you want something you’re not even used to.

you accidentally let out a soft whine, immediately slapping a hand around your mouth. you pull away from jaemin, your shocked eyes looking into his. he looks more worried than anything, his eyes scanning all across your face as he asks, “are you alright, angel? is anything wrong?”

he watches as you shake your head no. for a moment, he’s worried for you, his hands moving to hold yours as he checks over you. he’s quick to realize how your thighs are squeezing together. it’s easy for him to pick up what’s wrong with you. there’s a small smile on his face when he puts one of his hands on your cheek, “you feel hot. you need to tell me what’s wrong so i can help you.”

judging by how he’s looking at you, you can tell he probably already knows what’s wrong. you let out a shaky breath, unable to come up with any words. his thumb rubs softly into the skin of your cheek as you nuzzle into his touch. you take a deep breath before you speak, “i… i need your help, jaemin.”

he tilts his head, “with what?”

“w-want you to… touch me.” before he can do anything, you reach for his hand, placing it softly onto your thigh. he stares at it, squeezing lightly as he feels around. he’s touched you before, but there’s a difference between now and the quick, soft touches that he usually lays onto you. you’re asking him to touch you in a voice he’s never heard from you before.

he calls out your name, getting your attention as he stares into your eyes. you slowly move toward him, softly placing your lips onto his. that’s all he needs, your confirmation as he molds his lips against you. his hands hold your face, keeping you still as your hands stay on the couch. one eventually makes it to his thigh, lightly touching it like he touched you earlier.

he lets you pull away from the kiss to take a breath. he finds himself slightly out of breath, too caught up with the feeling of your lips. he wants to feel you closer to him, despite you sitting right by him. he clears his throat, “can i try something?”

you whisper out a yes. he tells you to stand up as you watch him get more comfortable on the couch, spreading his legs apart. he looks up at you, patting his thighs, “come and sit down.”

the initial nervousness comes back as you feel more heat bloom in your face. your hands squeeze into fists as you debate on what you should do. it doesn’t last long, though. there’s a need for you to be close to him, to have him hold you as you kiss him. you want to feel the heat of his body against you as he kisses you.

you move slowly as you settle yourself on top of his thighs. it’s not uncomfortable, but you’re nervous to have him this close to you. he’s smiling at you, his hands sliding up on your thighs, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. he bats his eyelashes at you, “do you still want to kiss?”

nodding, you learn forward to press your lips onto his. you’re mindful of how you’re sitting on him, not wanting to put all your weight down on him. he’s quick to run his hands down your sides, getting you to fully sit down on him. 

he hums against you, gripping down onto your waist. he has you so close, and he can feel how warm you are against him. his tongue darts out, licking at your bottom lip. you open up slightly, letting his tongue lick into your mouth. it’s different from the soft kisses he gives you, and you welcome it as you move your tongue against his.

a soft whine escapes you, and before jaemin can try to get you to make that sound again, you instinctively roll your hips down onto his thigh. jaemin lets out an internal groan, swearing that he could feel you clench on top of him. all he’s done is kiss you and you’re already worked up. you move to get closer to him, your chest against his as he presses a hand to your back.

you roll your hips down, small noises escaping your mouth as you chase any type of friction you can get. your hands make it onto his shoulders for support as you mindlessly grind against him. 

jaemin can feel himself getting hard from the way you’re moving on top of him and from the way you’re whimpering in his mouth. he grabs your hips, shifting you right on top of his clothed cock. you don’t seem to notice at first, but when his cock twitches against his thigh, you pull away from him, staring down.

jaemin starts, “when you move like that on top of me…”

“it feels good for you, too?” 

he nods, smoothing his hand over your back, “i think i could cum just like this. whatever you do, angel, i like.”

you gasp at his words, feeling his hands snake around to your back, moving you forward against him. he lets out a swear at the feeling, moving his hands to your waist as you grind down. there’s a newfound desperation in your movements knowing that jaemin feels just as good as you feel, that you’re making him feel this way. 

you’re on top of him, rolling down your hips in a way that seems too out of character for you. the shy, reserved self that you show to him is gone, replaced with the need to get yourself off with him. you’re using him, pants of his name fan across the skin on his neck as his hands wander a little further down.

he’s no better than you. he’s letting out low grunts as his hips roll up to meet yours. his hands finally make it to your ass, giving it a light squeeze as he lets out a curse. there’s been too many times he’s had to stop himself from doing this, his hands moving a little rougher against you. he helps you roll your hips down onto him, grinding you down onto his tip.

he could easily flip you over, could pull down your shorts and panties and rut against your leaking pussy. but he can’t, choosing to be content with how he has you now. he grits his teeth, pushing away the thoughts as he hears you let out a whimper of his name. he asks with a low voice, “angel, do you feel like you might cum?”

you don’t answer right away, your whines and whimpers filling the air as you try to process what he said. you can feel him twitching under you, rolling his hips up against yours. your head falls to his shoulder, “jaemin, i need… i need to cum!”

his hands grip your hips, setting a pace for you as he grinds you harder against him. it doesn’t take long for you to cum, not when he’s holding you and letting out groans of your name. seeing you so desperate to cum pushes him over the edge, cum staining his boxers as he ruts his hips up.

there’s a comfortable silence between the two of you, heavy breaths filling the air as you collect yourselves. his arms wrap around your back, pulling you into a hug. you smile against his shoulder, your arms trying their best to wrap around his slumped figure on the couch.

it doesn’t take you long to start whining, “i’m hot and sticky all at the same time, jaemin. i think we might need to move.”

he murmurs against you, “let me hold you a little longer, angel. i liked this so much.”

“i did, too,” you press a kiss to his skin, “and as much as i did, i need to shower.”

a laugh fills the space between the two of you, “of course.” he pulls away from you, watching as you stand up on wobbly legs. to your embarrassment, he moves to walk you to the restroom, ignoring your complaints. 

-

jaemin thought that maybe just that once, you would act out on your instincts.

he noticed that you let him be a bit more touchier. he didn’t want to push anything, but he let his hands linger on you a lot longer than they used to. you didn’t even shy away when he would, you’d let his hands stay where they want to be. you’re the same, you kiss him more openly; you try teasing him a bit more, too. 

he likes seeing you be more open with him, likes seeing you feel more confident in your love. he’ll do anything you want him to if it means he can make you feel more comfortable. 

it’s another day that he’s at his apartment with you. you’ve had more time to come over, more time to spend with your boyfriend. he doesn’t expect anything because he has to remind himself: you want to take it slow. he doesn’t mind, he loves spending time with you regardless.

he doesn’t really expect you to come to him that day while he moves you both to his bedroom, a shy look as you approach him, “jaemin…”

he smiles at you, “hey, angel. what is it?’

“can we… can we do what we did the other day again?’

“what do you mean? what did we do exactly?”

you’re not dumb to not notice his sly smirk, a cat-like grin growing on his face. he knows exactly what you mean, but he’s trying to get you to say it. your face heats up, murmuring out words that you can’t even understand.

he moves to sit on the corner of the bed, his head tilting at your mumbled words. he reaches his arms out towards you, “you’re gonna have to tell me what it is that you want, baby. can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

without much thinking, you move to sit down on jaemin’s thighs. he didn’t expect you to move like that on your own, shown by how his breath hitches in his throat. his hands don’t hesitate to move to your waist, bringing you closer to him before they drop to your thighs. his thumbs move to the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, causing you to shiver on top of him.

he chuckles at the sight of you, likes how your shorts have ridden up, giving him all access to your thighs. he pushes you right on top of his bulge, and slowly grinds you down on top of him, “i had my baby waiting for too long, hm? i should’ve known you needed me, right?”

you’re already feeling dizzy from his words, trying to grind down on him already, trying to chase the feeling from before. his hands stop you, though, keeping you in place. he bites back a groan when he feels you squirm on top of him, “won’t you tell me how much you needed me?”

your voice comes out breathy, “i- couldn’t stop thinking about you. i tried touching myself, but… it just didn’t feel right without you.”

jaemin’s grip on you gets tighter, his eyes shutting at the thought. imagining you stuffing your hands in your shorts, trying to make yourself feel just as good as he made you feel. he lurches forward, caging you in a heated kiss. he can feel you try to keep up with him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you do.

he can feel how desperate you are, no restraint shown in how you moan into his mouth. you’re more unrestrained, and he loves it, loves how he’s made you like this. he’s just as needy as you are, probably even more than you are. he’s the first one to start moving, his hips grinding up into yours. he’s practically using you like a toy, groaning in your ear at the feeling.

his grip loosens, allowing you to move with him. you drag your clit along his hardening cock, clenching around nothing as jaemin peppers kisses along your shoulder. it feels just as good as last time, but you can't help but feel like you’re missing something. you want him, you need him to help you make you feel good. “jaemin, i-” you whimper, “i w-want more, please.”

he has to forcibly stop himself from grinding up to you, focusing on your words, “what do you want me to do?”

you grab one of his hands, looking at his fingers before placing it back at your inner thigh, “i-i want you to touch me. like how i tried touching myself.”

jaemin’s head tilts back, eyes shutting at your words. you can feel him twitch under you, his hands balling at his sides. he takes a breath before refocusing on you, “can you stand up for me?”

you do, moving off of him, immediately whining when you’re not close to him. he shushes you lightly when he rests against the headboard of his bed, his legs spread, eyes filled with need as he looks at you. “come here, angel. i’ll make you feel good.”

you crawl over to him, and as you’re about to face him, he turns you around so that your back is towards him. he pulls you against his chest, his head resting on your shoulder as he coos at you, “can you take off your shorts for me, baby?”

you’re a bit shy, but do so nonetheless. you struggle, too eager for him to continue. he watches you, eyes zeroing in on the expanse of skin being exposed to him. this is the most he’s ever seen of you, and you’re not even fully undressed. without thinking, he says, “you’re so pretty, angel. so pretty, just for me, hm?”

you’re quick to agree, your back pressing against his chest. you can feel his cock twitch under you, and it makes you more eager. his fingers leave featherlight touches along your thighs, inching close to where you need him most. he hums in your ear, “needed me to feel good, couldn’t touch yourself without my help. you’ll let me help you, right?”

you let out a whine at his words, squirming on top of his lap to get him to continue. he lets out a low chuckle, “my eager baby, i’ll make you feel good. just be patient.”

his fingers trace circles on your inner thighs, enjoying the small noises you let out at his teasing. you don’t try to rush him anymore, trying your best to stay still on his lap. you’re biting down on your lip when his fingers rest on the edge of your panties. he’s sitting there, so close to your heat while pressing kisses to your neck, and you’re not sure how much more you can take.

“jaemin, please touch me. i wanna know how it feels.”

he traces his fingers along your clothed slit. he immediately lets out a shaky breath when he does, realizing just how wet you are from the little touches he’s offered you. you’re like this because of him, and he knows you’ve never felt like this for anyone else. he’ll make sure you’ll never want anyone to do this to you.

“you’re dripping, angel,” his fingers press against your clit, “is it all for me?”

you gasp, hips twitch at the feeling, “y-yes! all for you, please keep going.”

he can’t say no when you ask so nicely, your sweet voice taking over all of his thoughts. his middle finger makes slow circles on your clit, enjoying the way whimpers easily begin slipping out of you. you hold onto his arm for support, your hips trying to rut up in his touch, unknowingly trying to gain more stimulation.

his other hand that’s not touching you pries your leg open, keeping it from trying to shut around his hand. you’re so sensitive, responding to the light touches with high pitched moans, whimpers of his name rolling off of your tongue. he has to forcibly stop himself from grinding into your ass, biting the inside of his cheek when he can feel himself twitching. 

he knows you need more when your nails begin to dig into the skin of his arms. his arm has a hard time trying to keep your legs open for him, caught up in all the sensitivity of his touches. you break when he speeds up the circles on your clit, “j-jaemin, hold on! i might- i might cum!”

“isn’t that what my angel wants?”

you feel embarrassed asking, but if you don’t tell him, he’ll never know, “can we… i wanna feel your fingers on me- or in me.”

jaemin’s head tilts back onto the headboard, all of his restraint lost at your words. “i’ll help you, wanna show you just how good you can feel. is that okay with you?”

“yes… please, jaemin.”

his fingers move to pull your panties to the side, exposing your dripping pussy to him. he bites down on his lip again to contain the moan that threatens to slip out. he can look over and see how wet you are for him, how you’re on display for him. “my angel has the prettiest pussy i’ve ever seen,” he lets out a breath at the whimper that comes from you, “so needy just for my fingers.”

you let out a whine, your hips bucking into the air as you try to search for any friction. he finally gives in, two fingers moving to circle at your clit. you melt immediately, head lolling onto his shoulder, loud whimpers filling the air. he mumbles in your ear, “wanna get you all wet for me before i try fingering you, okay?”

“please keep going.”

he presses a kiss to the shell of your ear, fingers speeding up on your clit. he can feel you begin twitching on top of him, legs threatening to close on his hand. you try to keep yourself spread open for him. jaemin’s other hand slowly trails up your body, reaching under your shirt to one of your boobs. he groans when he realizes you aren’t wearing a bra, fingers meeting a hard nipple.

with jaemin’s fingers on your clit and tugging on your nipple, it doesn’t take long for you to begin dripping all over the sheets. your moans have raised in pitch, calling out to him, begging him for more. “you’re ready for my fingers, angel? wanna feel them inside you?”

a moan of his name slips out of you, pleading for him. he plants a kiss on your shoulder, licking at the spot right after, “of course, baby. gonna take it slow for you.”

his hand slides down, his middle finger making it to your entrance. he shushes you when you start squirming, his finger slowly sliding inside you. it feels different, but good. your legs shut around his hand, and he lets it happen as he watches in awe. you’re so tight, he thinks. he wonders how he’s gonna fit himself inside of your tight pussy.

the thought makes him twitch in his pants, bringing himself back to the task at hand. your legs slowly open back up, your hips rolling in time with the movements of his finger. he didn’t expect to see the sight of you like this this fast. you let out a moan, “wan’ another finger, jaemin.”

“angel’s ready for another?” his ring finger moves to your entrance, slowly entering inside along with his middle finger. he can feel you tightly clench around his fingers, letting out a cry when his palm rubs against your clit. it’s too much, the sensation bringing you quickly to the edge. it’s only intensified when jaemin curls his fingers inside you, finding a spot inside you the sends shocks along your spine.

“feel good, baby?”

you can barely hear him, thighs beginning to shake as he presses he continues presses his fingers against your sweet spot. you’re falling apart quickly, his fingers plunging deep inside you as his other hand moves back to your boob, groping at the flesh. you let out a sob, “gonna cum, jaemin. wanna cum so bad!”

“yeah, gonna cum all over my fingers? go ahead and cum, pretty.”

your head falls back onto his shoulders, a wail leaving you as you cum, clenching on his fingers. his watches you intensely, watches how you’re left a mess because of him. he gives up on keeping your legs open, liking just how much you show how good he’s making you feel. 

he leaves kisses along your neck, his hand thumbing over your nipple and his palm slowly rubbing into your clit. you ride out your orgasm, letting out a squeak when the stimulation feels a little too much. he removes his hands from you, choosing to wrap them around you as he whispers in your ear, “did so good for me, angel. loved watching you fall apart because of me.”

while you’re coming down from your high, jaemin subtly brings his fingers that are wet with your slick to his mouth. he almost wants to moan around his fingers, realizing that you’re the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted. he likes the taste of you on his tongue so much, realizing he might just have to do more than finger you next time.

your breaths begin to even out, your mind becoming clear from the haze you were in. you can feel jaemin nuzzle into your neck, but more importantly, you can feel his dick press into your backside. he’s still hard, and you realize he hasn’t cum yet.

jaemin watches as you slowly turn your body to face him, sliding down to your knees. he moves to sit at the edge of the bed, your dazed eyes following his every move. your head moves to rest on his knee, looking up at him with a pretty smile on your face, “are you gonna teach me how to make you feel good?”

he follows your hand that trails up his thigh, dangerously close to his bulge. his angel wants to make him feel good. his hand cups your cheek, thumb sliding across your skin, “gonna be good for me, baby?”

-

over the course of a few weeks, jaemin has been seeing a change in you.

you’re more touchy now, easing into his side as you cuddle on the couch. you don’t shy away when he touches you either, choosing to go along with his antics. you tease him, a playful smile on your face when you let yourself sit on his lap.

now, you try to initiate more intimate acts with him. you’re still a little nervous, jaemin helping you along the way as you lay back onto his bed, fingers moving inside you. you always return the favor, jaemin liking the way you look with his cock in your mouth way too much.  he’s also had the time to eat you out, easily folding when you ask him to use his mouth one day.

which is how he finds himself today, harshly sucking on your clit while his fingers plunge into your dripping cunt. your whimpers and moans fill the air, almost covering up the lewd sounds of jaemin eating you out. every time he does this, he acts like a man starved, licking at your entrance just to get a taste of your slick.

one of his hands makes it to your boob, kneading at the flesh just to get you to moan out for him, just to feel you clench harder around his fingers. you whine when he pulls his fingers out of you, his tongue moving to lap at your hole. what’s different is that his tongue slips in, pressing into your hole.

your hips jut into his face, his nose rubbing against your clit. it feels so new, and it sets off a desire in you. your mind is now needing to be filled up with something more, something that jaemin can easily provide to you.

one of your hands wraps around the one on your boob, moving to interlock his fingers with yours. you can feel him smile against you, speeding up his movements. you call out to him weakly, getting his attention as he hesitantly moves away from your pussy. you try to ignore how his mouth and chin are wet, his low voice asking, “what is it, baby?”

you try to put yourself together, your voice coming out shaky when his other thumb rubs against your clit, “i-i’m ready.”

“ready to cum? i’ll make sure you do.”

before he can plunge back to your cunt, you call him once more, “not for that! well, to cum, but… i think i’m ready to have sex with you.”

at lightning speed, he sits up, eyes bulging out of his head, “really? are- are you sure? it’s not too soon?”

“no,” you smile, “i-i mean, i trust you. i trust you to, um, take care of me.”

he watches as shyness takes over you, avoiding eye contact as you talk. there’s a soft smile on your face, your words being genuine. “you should’ve told me so i could’ve made today more special,” he nags, “i could’ve had a whole day with you, angel.”

you let out an airy laugh, “any time i get to spend with you is special, jaemin.”

he huffs, “if you say you’re ready, then you’re ready. if at any point in time you want me to stop, i’ll stop. we can do anything you want, just say the word.”

“want this, jaemin. want you.”

he lets out an affirming okay, quickly sliding off of the bed in order to take his sweats off, choosing to leave his boxers on for now. he quickly rejoins you, “i’m gonna finger you some more, alright, baby? wanna make sure that you’ll be nice and ready for me.”

you nod, choosing to sit up a little more as you watch two of his fingers slide into you. you’re still so wet, his fingers easily plunging inside you. he scissors his fingers inside you, stretching you out for him. his thumb hooks around to your clit, rubbing in tight circles that has your head lolling back. 

“doesn’t take long for you to get ready for me, hm? my baby just needs my help, right?’ his words shoot straight to your core, pushing you close to cumming. he can feel you clench tightly, adding a third finger as he continues. 

you tell him that you’re close, whining that you want to cum with him instead. he smiles at you, cooing, “want you to cum now, then i’ll know that you’re ready to take my cock.”

you immediately let go, cumming all over his fingers. he knows what sets you off now, how to get you to cum quickly with just a few motions. he grins at the sight of you, “so good for me, my baby is so good for me.”

you swat him away when he tries continuing, a small laugh leaving him as you do. his hand smoothing over your thigh calms you, bringing you back to look up at him with a certain look. he bites down on his lip when you speak, “i think i’m ready- think i’m ready for you, jaemin.”

“yeah?” jaemin tries not to sound nervous himself, “my baby needs me already?”

you nod, covering your face in embarrassment at his words. it’s even more embarrassing when you ask, “you have c-condoms, right?”

he reaches over to his nightstand, fishing one out from the bottom of his drawer. since he started dating you, he hasn’t found the need to buy anymore. he thanks his past self for leaving just a few behind, he would’ve died if he had to say no to you now. a bright smile shines on his face when he shows it to you, laughing at you when you look at it weirdly.

“wanna watch me put it on?”

you laugh at his words, thanking him internally for trying to lighten the mood.

as jaemin slides the condom on, he realizes he wants this just as bad as you do. he notices how his chest is heaving with every breath he takes, and he’s not even inside you yet. his eyes glance up towards yours, looking back at him, pleading for him to just do something. “i’m gonna start moving. angel, need you to tell me if i need to slow down or stop moving.”

you nod sweetly at him, hand moving to cup his cheek, thumb smoothing over his skin. “i love you, jaemin. you can start.”

your sweet words and action has his skin burning up, his cheeks turning red as he lines himself up at your entrance. he can feel how warm you are, his tip sliding over your slit a few times, working the both of you up. his body hovers over yours, moving to press kisses on your neck when he slides in.

your nails dig into his shoulders when he presses in. he lets out a grunt, “s-so tight, need you to relax, baby. can’t move if you’re not relaxed.”

“s-sorry! i just- you’re so big.”

he groans at your words, his head falling to your shoulder again. he slips out of you, giving you a second to relax before you give him the go ahead again. he slowly slips his tip in, wincing when he feels you clamp down on him. he bites down on his lip to stop any embarrassing sounds from coming out, hand soothing your side as he pushes more of his length in.

it’s a weird feeling for you, it doesn’t exactly hurt, but he is stretching you open. nothing this big has been inside you, so used to his fingers. you let out broken whines, asking him to stop at certain points. your nails lightly scratch down his back, 

his hips finally are flush against yours, his cock buried deep inside you. you can feel him twitch, slightly shaking on top of you. he’s trying to calm you down, soft words being whispered into your ear, followed by soft kisses. his thumb snakes between your bodies, tracing light circles on your clit.

if only you knew how much he was struggling not to buck his hips into your cunt. you’re so tight, so warm, clenching down on his cock. your walls are getting used to the intrusion, soft pants fanning across his face. you call out his name, his hips accidentally pushing closer to you as you clench around him. he quickly apologies, eyebrows furrowing at the feeling.

“i-” you let out a breath, “i want you to s-start moving. s-slowly, please.”

“of course, angel. like i said, tell me if i need to stop, if i need to slow down, or anything, okay?”

you nod quickly, jaemin leaning back up, his eyes staring down at where you two are connected. you spare a look, getting embarrassed at the sight. he starts slowly moving, pulling slowly out of you before pushing back in. you can feel every inch of him, your warm walls inviting him in. it’s so easy for you to just let him take over, the feeling slowly bleeding into pleasure as he gets a rhythm.

while you’re getting used to the feeling, jaemin seems to be losing himself in you. every time he moves his hips, he can feel how wet you are. it’s like you try to suck him back in when he tries pulling out, like you need him to keep on fucking you. your arms are wrapped around his shoulder, bringing him closer to you. he’s surrounded by all of you, your scent, your cunt, the pretty sounds you’re making.

when you start moaning his name, he has to stop, head falling to your shoulder as he tries to keep his composure. he knows he can’t just yet, but he wants to fuck into your cunt, wants to have you fucked stupid just because of his cock. the thought makes him twitch inside you, the feeling of his orgasm already bubbling up in his abdomen.

he lets out a shaky exhale before he starts moving again, a little faster than before. “how’re you feeling, baby? tell me how it f-feels for you.”

“feels so good, jaemin! your cock feels so good inside me!”

you clench down on him, your hips rolling up into his. you’re moving in time with his thrusts, your nails raking down his back, leaving trails of red marks for later. he doesn’t care though, not when you’re wrapped tightly around him, not when he gets to hear you moan his name. all he can think about is you, and how badly he wants to flip you over and really fuck you.

“so tight, you keep clenching so tight around me, wanna make this pussy mine. tell me it’s mine, angel.”

“please! ‘s all yours, i’m all yours!”

he lets out a growl, he’s quickening his pace, hands gripping onto the sheets near your head. he needs to kiss you or else he might think about how bad you need him, how he’s been the one to show you all this. you kiss him back, whining into his mouth as your chest arches into his. he can feel your hard nipples against his chest, letting out a low fuck.

he can feel himself getting close, his thumb rubbing quick circles on your clit. he can start feeling you clench around him, your voice rising in volume as you start babbling out to him. he prays that your close, too. he doesn’t think he can last much longer, not with the way you’re wrapping around him.

“gonna cum, angel? you wanna cum, gonna cum with me?”

he sounds so needy, just as fucked out as you are. you can barely register his words, but you know you need to cum just as bad as he does. he picks up his pace, his hands gripping onto your hips as he pounds into you. his low moans join your whines and whimpers, jumbled praises leaving his mouth as he gets closer, “s-so good for me, angel. pussy made just for me, only for me. no one else will ever have you like this.”

you nod, tears pricking your eyes as you come undone, cumming all over his cock. he’s quick to follow, unable to stop himself from cumming when you clench down on his cock. he’s groaning in your ear, quickly moving to messily kiss you. he licks into your mouth, moaning when you start milking his cock.

he slows down, quickly sliding out of you. he sits back on his knees, eyes staring at your spent pussy. he’s broken from his trance when you let out an embarrassed whine of his name. he chuckles when you shut your legs, sliding the condom off before tossing it in the trash.

you’re so tired, all of your energy being used up. jaemin rejoins you in bed, hand smoothing over your thigh, admiring the glow emanating off of you, almost wishing he could take a picture. maybe for another time, he thinks, he’ll bring it up later.

it’s quiet, enjoying the presence of your boyfriend as his light touches move all over. before you can fall asleep, his voice calls out to you, “angel, we gotta get you cleaned up.”

you whine, “but ‘m too tired, you did this to me.”

he laughs, hand moving to hold yours, “i know, i know. let me make it up to you, let me take care of my baby, hm?”

you sigh contentedly, “in five minutes.”

he can’t ever argue with you, easily giving up when he lays right by your side, “five minutes, baby.”

#asks #🥤 anon #nct smut #nct dream smut #jaemin smut #jaemin x reader #jaemin scenarios #jaemin fic #nct fic #nct imagines #nct dream imagines

[morgana-larkin]

Mwahahaha hi I’m back to test your limits. I LOVED Want You Back sooo much. Can I request an alternate ending tho?? Where Mel apologizes and we’re like “oh cool thank u but I can’t believe u were willing to throw away a long term relationship without even talking ab it or letting me explain idk if I can trust u again what if something else triggers u and u just run away without making room for a conversation” and she’s like o shit ur right idk I promise never to do it again and we’re like idk bro u kinda broke my trust. And then BOOM. Sad ending. Maybe we fuck first and then decide in the end that we don’t wanna get back together w her. MWAHAHAHA

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️. So I’ll be honest, I started writing this thinking there’ll be a whole lot of angst, turns out it only starts with angst then just becomes sad. I don’t know where it came from but apparently my brain deemed heartbreak, so I was like “ok brain” and just went with it. It starts off a bit before the smut part in the original. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

On another note: I got more prompts I’m getting through, you can keep sending them and I’m adding Marilyn Thornhill to the list of characters I write for.

Ti amo - I love you

Want You Back - Alternate Ending

Warnings: Alright where to start *checks notes*… angst and no comfort, no fluff, sad Mel, brief car accident mention, just angst and fluff, no happy ending, smut, good luck

Words: 4.1k

“Then what are you apologising for?”

“For 6 years ago, making a big mistake.”

“Wha-”

“I read your note.” She says, cutting you off. “I should have listened to you but I was just so angry that I couldn’t think.” She tells you and looks at you with guilt. “The real reason I said no to Gary is because I didn’t want to be with him because I still have feelings for you. And I felt so guilty about how I reacted and I unblocked your number when I got home after reading your note and read all the texts and I wanted to find you or contact you but I had no way of doing that.” And a few tears slip down her cheeks.

“I haven’t moved on, you know. I’ve forgiven you for that night but I haven’t gotten over you.” You say and Melissa is looking at you with wide puffy eyes. “I tried, I ended up living with a girlfriend for a year. But then she broke up with me when she wanted more and I didn’t. Said I was emotionally unavailable. Which I guess is true, you can’t develop big feelings for someone if your heart belongs to someone else.” You said and the look on Melissa’s face said it all.

“Who does your heart belong too?”

“You.” Melissa sucked in a breath. “When I saw you standing there in the break room after 6 years, I couldn’t believe it, and you still look beautiful and stunning.” She let out an airy laugh.

“You as well, you still look so damn beautiful. My heart belongs to you too.” Melissa then gets up and walks over to you and crouches next to you and holds your hand and you look down at her. “I want to be with you again, if you’ll have me.” She asks and you look at her.

A few tears slip down your face and you look away. “I do want to be with you again Mel but I can’t.” You tell her and she looks at you with wide eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asks, still full of hope that you’ll take her back.

“I mean I can’t.” You tell her and look at her. “You sacrificed a happy relationship and didn’t even think about anything or let me explain. You read my note and that’s when you finally knew you fucked up. If you let me explain that night then we might still be happily together now.” You tell her and she looks down at the floor with guilt. The hope she had fading away the more you talk. She brings your hand to her mouth and kisses it. She puts her other hand on yours and has yours in between both of hers.

“Please, let me make it up to you. I’ll do anything.” She says with tears running down her face and choking on her words.

“I really want to Mel, truly. But could you promise me that what happened won’t happen again? Can you promise that you won’t ever blow up at me and break up with me without letting me explain. I do love how passionate you are and how jealous you can be. It’s very sexy.” You tell her and you put your other hand on her cheek and wipe away her tears, she leans into your touch. “But you chose to let your jealousy take over instead of your love for me that night.” You tell her and she nods with a bunch of tears on her face.

“I’m so sorry y/n.” She tells you and she’s full on crying now. You get up and lean down to hug her. She grips onto you and puts her head on your shoulder and continues crying on you.

“I know Mel, I know.” You tell her and you rub her back soothingly. After a few minutes she calms down and leans her head on your chest near your heart.

“I really fucked up. If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive me either.” She tells you.

“I told you I forgive you Mel, but I didn’t forget. I need to protect my heart.” You tell her and she nods. Then an idea pops into your head. “When we get out of here, maybe we both need closure.” You tell her and she blinks a few times before she understands what you mean and lifts her head up.

“Are you saying we should have sex one last time?” She asks and you nod.

“It’s ok if you say no, it’s just a thought.” You tell her and she wipes away her tears.

“I like that idea.” She tells you and you nod.

“Ok, your place after school or mine?” You ask.

“Mine.” She tells you and you nod. Melissa moves to lean against a wall, legs up and arms around them, hugging herself. You on the other hand went to lean against the door. Legs up but head back on the door. “You shouldn’t have your weight on it in 2 hours or you’ll fall when they open it.” She tells you and you look at her.

“I know.” You tell her. “I’ll move before they do.” You say, except you fall asleep and you do indeed fall back when they open it. Fall back with a “ah.” Splayed on the floor with everyone looking at you. Melissa slowly moves her head to look at you.

“I told you not to lean all your weight on it.” She tells you.

“Ya ya.” You tell her and you get up and then tell them all a good night and walk to your car.

Barb looks to you leaving then to Melissa who’s still curled up on the floor. She walks over to her and bends down, Melissa shakes her head, fresh tears coming down her face. Barb wraps an arm around her shoulders and rubs the shoulder furthest from her. “She said she forgave me for that night but said she can’t get back together with me. She said she has to protect her heart.” She says through sobs.

“I’m so sorry Melissa.” Barb says and everyone looks at her with sorry expressions.

“I understand, I made a huge mistake that night that I shouldn’t have. I mean I should have let her explain why that guy was kissing her but I didn’t. I mean he forced it on her and she was trapped and what did I do? I didn’t protect her, instead I yelled at her and broke up with her.” Melissa says, so much guilt that she carries.

“Melissa, you had no idea it was forced on her.” Barb says. “I mean you were at the table when she went to get the drinks. You didn’t see anything except the kiss.”

“I know but I loved her, I still do. I should have let her explain. I mean she tried but I kept pushing her off, I’m such an idiot.” She says and cries again, this time on Barb. The others decide to leave to let them have privacy. And honestly they’re shocked, they were hoping Melissa would have a happy ending and they’ve never seen her cry before.

After a few minutes Melissa calms down then gets off Barb and wipes her cheeks to get the tear stains off. Barb lets her go and they both get up, Melissa wipes her pants to get the dust off and sniffles a bit.

“Do you want me to come over tonight? Keep you company.” Barb offers but Melissa immediately declines.

“No, I just want to be alone tonight.” She ain’t gonna tell Barb the real reason she’s declining, she might not understand it.

“Ok, but call or text me if you need anything, ok?” Barb says and Melissa nods her head. Barb helps guide Melissa to her car and watches as she drives out of the parking lot before she gets in her car to go home.

Once Melissa gets to her place, she sees your car in her driveway and you still in your car. She pulls up next to you and you see her. You both get out and you walk inside to the house. You look around while Melissa gets wine. She comes out with your favourite red wine and 2 glasses while you’re still looking around. After all, you did live here when you were together, and it changed a lot. First of all there was plastic on the couch again and you roll your eyes at that. There was more family pictures up, she must have done it when you took your pictures off the wall. And there was more on the table, behind the couch, you walk over and pick up one and look at it.

“You kept it.” You told her and she walks up and sees the one you meant, even though she already knew. It was you and her on your first anniversary, you took her to a Philly game and she asked you to move in and it happened on the same day. You were dressed up in your Philly gear and you were hugging her with a bunch of boxes behind you. You both had huge smiles on your faces. You looked at it and remembered the day, like it was yesterday, and a tear slips down your face. You put it down and you turn to her. You see her with the 2 glasses and your favourite wine, you can’t believe she remembers.

“Of course I kept it. It was one of the happiest days of my life.” She says and walks to sit on the couch.

“I see you also put the plastic back on the couch.” You tell her with an eye roll.

“Obviously, you’re the reason I took it off. So since you weren’t here to complain, I put it back on.” She says and you smile and walk over to sit down beside her.

“Are you sure you want this Mel?” You ask her and she does a big breath in and out.

“Ya, I think we both need this.” She tells you and you nod and you take the offered glass of wine. You think that maybe you’ll be able to trust her again and might get back together but for now, you both need closure.

You both down the drinks quickly and then you stop. You don’t want to be tipsy or drunk so you’d remember this. Melissa then gets up and holds her hands out for you to take with a soft smile. You take her hands and she pulls you up. She then guides you to her bedroom and closes the door behind you. She brings you to the bed and pushes you on it then crawls on top of you, knowing you like the view. She then leans down and kisses you and you grab her head to push her down more to kiss her harder.

You run your fingers through her beautiful locks of orange hair, admiring how it feels as you kiss her. You then gently start scratching and rubbing her scalp and she begins moaning. You smirk, remembering what drives her to make the noises you love to hear. Melissa feels the smirk and pulls back to look at you. “Being cheeky are we?” She asks and you nod proudly. Melissa smiles at you then goes down to kiss your neck. She really wants to suck and do small bites on your neck but she doesn’t know how you’d feel about it and you’re not hers anymore.

“You can leave 2 hickeys.” You tell her, somehow knowing exactly what she was thinking. “As long as they’re on the side enough for my hair to cover them.” You tell her and she moves your hair out of the way and goes to your neck and starts sucking. You gasp and buck your hips under her and Melissa smiles as she keeps sucking, wanting to make sure they stay there for at least 3-4 days.

You take her shirt off and you stare at her chest and stomach. You then feel her all over with your hands, on her chest, on her stomach, all over her back. When trying to feel her back, the bra gets in the way and you unclip it quickly. You take her bra off and push her back as she was kissing your neck. You look at her breasts again and you always remembered how amazingly full they are. You put your hands on them and squeeze them, you run your hands all over them and then you look at her. Melissa can tell what you want and she scoots up a bit then leans down so you can put her nipple in your mouth.

You’re still able to have a hand on her boob while your mouth is on the nipple and you’re loving it. After having a few one night stands and a couple relationships, all with smaller breasts, you love having a big chest to touch and look at. Melissa knows how much you loved her breasts when you were together, she let you have however long you wanted with her chest when you were together and she’s going to do that again right now. “Take your time and touch them all you want baby, I don’t mind.” She tells you and you hum and nod. You take your time swirling your tongue around the nipples and sucking on the skin, leaving hickeys on her boobs.

She then pulls you shirt off when you pull back and she runs her hands all over you. She unclips your bra and takes it off and runs her hands all over your chest and cups your boobs. She always loved your smaller chest, she’s able to fit the whole boob in her hand, a perfect handful. She then leans down and sucks and licks the nipple, knowing it gets you very wet. Your neck and your breasts she knows are the most sensitive on you and it gets you wet very quickly.

She then trails down your stomach with kisses and stops where the top of your skirt is. She always loved when you wore skirts, easy and quick access, especially since you loved flowy skirts instead of skin tight pencil skirts. She looks at you and you nod, then she pulls your underwear down and off of you. She takes a look at you in nothing but a skirt on, a cute skirt as well.

She then spreads your legs and sticks her head under your skirt. She places kisses on your thighs, trailing up and down until you're whining and begging. Then she places a kiss on your clit and licks a strip up your entrance. You moan as you feel her hot tongue on your entrance and going up to lick your entire pussy. She licks your pussy a few times before she goes to your entrance and sticks her tongue in. You gasp and moan as she does that, remembering how good it always felt when she did. Melissa knew your body very well when you were together, she always pays attention to what you like and don’t like. Right now she’s doing everything you like and taking her time, wanting to draw this out as much as possible.

While she’s sliding her tongue in and out of your entrance, she slides her hands up your body and land on your breasts and she cups them. You begin bucking your hips and she uses her elbows to pin you down. “Oohh Melissa, that feels so good. Oh you’ve always known how to pleasure a woman with just your tongue.” You tell her and she smiles. She then travels her tongue up to your clit and she sucks and licks it. You keep trying to buck your hips to get more pleasure but she has you pinned down and she doesn’t plan on telling you to stop moving, just wants you to enjoy tonight. Before you come however, a minute later, she pulls back and you let out a frustrated groan at her.

“What do you want me to do to you baby? How would you like me to fuck you?” She asks and you think.

“Can you lick my clip and finger me until I come then fuck me with a strap?” You ask her and she smiles warmly at her.

“Of course.” She tells you then goes to get the strap and comes back. She goes to take off her pants but you stop her.

“Wait, I want to undress you.” You tell her and she stops immediately and stands there beside the bed where you are and you get off the bed then kneel down on your knees in front of her. You undo her pants then pull the zipper down. You then slowly slide her jeans down, over her amazing hips and then down her legs, then she lifts one foot off the floor at a time to take them off. You then grip the top of her underwear and slowly pull them down off her pussy. You noticed a wet spot on her underwear and you smile when you see she’s practically dripping. You can’t resist lifting up a bit and licking her pussy.

She starts bucking her hips while you lick her and then start sucking on her clit. Her legs get shaky and she puts her hands in your hair to keep you where you are. Without pulling away from her, you gently push her and she falls on the bed in a seated position and she spreads her legs to give you more room. She still has her hands in your hair and she’s rubbing your scalp while murmuring praises to you and moaning. “Oh that feels so good baby. Oh keep going. That’s my good girl. Your tongue feels so fucking good on my pussy baby. You move your tongue so it’s now sliding in and out of her entrance and you put a finger on her clit and start rubbing circles on it. She moans and gasps and starts bucking her hips and you’re able to pin her down enough to keep going. She has one hand on the bed to keep her up and she has one on your head, buried in your hair, and keeping you exactly where you are on her pussy. “Oh baby, is this turning you on?” She asks and you nod. “Why don’t you touch yourself baby? Pleasure yourself while you pleasure me, but don’t let yourself cum.” She instructs you and you move your hand in between your legs and you start rubbing your clit and you moan. And since your mouth is wrapped around her pussy, your moan vibrates on her and sends a shot of pleasure right through her and she gasps. “Oh baby, I’m so close, make me cum my good girl.” She says and you rub her clit faster and move your tongue in and out of her faster as well. She jerks her hips and her legs are shaking, then she cums with a high pitch gasp.

You then pull your tongue out of her once you lick up all her cum then you stand up. You let her calm down as she’s breathing fast and then she hugs your waist and lays her head on your stomach. You know physical touch helps her calm down so you massage her scalp and then her breathing slows down. She then pulls you on the bed, on top of her and you fall on her. You think this might have been her plan as your pussy is right near her mouth and she aligns it with her tongue and then dives in. You lift yourself up just as she licks your entrance and you almost fall down due to the surprise and pleasure. You position yourself so that you’re leaning back a bit to cup her boobs and enjoy her tongue on your clit. “Lean forward and go on your hands baby.” She tells you and you obey right away. “My good girl.” She says and some more wetness goes right to your core, as if you weren’t already dripping.

She then is able to now slip a finger inside of your entrance like you wanted and you gasp, she feels how wet you are and slips another finger in, and then a third. You moan as she slams her fingers in and out of you and curls them to touch your special spot. You don’t last much longer and you cum with a moan. She then pulls out of you and while still licking you, she pulls the strap on while you come down from your high. She knows your favourite position with the strap is doggy style and then move to both on just your knees with your back pressed against her front. So she slips out from under you then gets on her knees behind you and slides the strap inside. She then starts sliding it in and out of you slowly, wanting to hear all your gasps and moans as much as possible. After about 5 minutes of that, and some begging from you, she pulls you up so that your back is pressed against her boobs as you like to feel them. You move a hand behind you, in her hair and she cups your boobs and thrusts faster in and out of you.

She then moves your hair away from your neck and she sucks and kisses your neck. While still having one hand cupping your boob, she moves her other one to circle your clit. The sensation becomes overwhelming and you would have fallen forward if she wasn’t holding you up. You end up coming 10 seconds later and Melissa doesn’t stop as she’s close as well.

She starts praising you and calling you sweet nicknames in Italian, thinking you forgot what they meant, which you didn’t. You don’t say anything, you just let her do that, and if you’re being honest, you find it sexy when she speaks Italian.

With the overstimulation and the hot redhead pressing you into her boobs and saying sweet things in Italian to you, you end up cumming 2 more times before she cums. She slows down in you before pulling out, and even when she’s coming down from her high, she knows not to let you go so you don’t fall forward. She ends up wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder.

After you both calm down enough, she lets you go and takes the strap off before running into the bathroom. She comes out with a cloth and cleans you both before throwing it on the floor with the strap, then climbs into bed next to you and you end up cuddling on her. You put your head on her boob and wrap an arm around her stomach, and a leg to rest along her waist.

Melissa has an arm wrapped around your back and pulls you closer to her, she then kisses your forehead and whispers “ti amo” when she thinks you’re asleep, you weren’t and heard her perfectly.

You both end up falling asleep.

Melissa awakes about 3 hours later to an empty bed. You ended up waking up before her and slipped out before she woke up.

On Monday, you continue to treat her as you were, as if you never had sex with her and it broke her. She ends up not coming in the rest of the week, Ava mentioning that she didn’t hear from her on Friday, causing Barb to go check on her.

While visiting her house, she gets a call from the hospital, informing her that Melissa was in a car accident and in CCU. She then calls you and the both of you visit her in her hospital room. Barb goes to see if she can get some food for both of you, leaving you alone with an unconscious Melissa. You were holding her hand and at some point she squeezed it, letting you know that she knows you’re there and that she’s ok.

When Melissa wakes up a few days later, Barb tells her that you switched schools and states and might not return to Philly ever again. Barb also let her know that you want to tell her “I’m sorry.”

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

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Let me know if you want to be added!

#melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti x oc #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti #x reader #fanfic

[therabbitthatpostthings]

I admittedly made Nanami a lot less mean than the original post intended. Idk, I just feel like he's better at hiding his emotions, the only person who truly riles him up is Gojo. I just can’t imagine him foaming at the mouth with jealousy in sorryyy

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*

“You never get this dressed up for me.” Gojo dramatically sighed

“And yet, you look extra put together today.” You gestured to his half button silk shirt.

“No need to be jealous, not all of us can look this amazing.” He smirked

You swallowed your come back and turned back to checking your reflection in the passenger window. You took solace that at least Gojo’s ‘extraness’ offset your outfit. Then again, who could outshine Gojo Satoru?

“All this ‘cause your two boyfriends are showing up?” He chuckled

“Nanami finally agrees to come out with us! Can’t I be a little excited!”

“A little.” Gojo scoffed to himself.

Nanami wasn’t having much luck either. Punctual as ever, Nanami stood outside the bar in an off white shirt and slacks, his jacket hung over his arm. Like Gojo, he switched his regular eyewear for tinted glasses. He was already regretting spending his day off like this but couldn’t bring himself to not come. Even after Shoko and Utahime canceled, something pulled him to this outing. Being stuck with you flirting and Gojo non-drunk-drunk ramblings wasn’t exactly an ideal situation but, he couldn’t shake the idea of you being alone and possibly vulnerable with Hasegawa. Something still bothered him about it all. Everything fell too nicely into place. Yaga was very tight lipped about Hasegawa’s sudden inclusion, Nanami was beginning to think that he wasn’t told all the details either. All Yaga would say is that Hasegawa would be working in Tokyo until he had a “suitable” place in Kyoto. He never specified just what kind of work he would need to be so close to both schools but Nanami had a hunch.

He brushed the thoughts away as he heard a familiar voice call out to him. Hasegawa hurried over, “Big city life really isn’t for me.” He wore a black and brown button up over a white shirt. The short sleeves and black pants showed just how skinny he was compared to Nanami and Gojo. With his hair tied back he looked younger. Very different from the disheveled man he was imagining. “Am I late?”

“No, (L/N) and Gojo should be here soon.” Nanami answered plainly

“Fashionably late, that’s (Y/N) for you. They always like this- oh right, you don’t come drinking much do you?” He laughed awkwardly.

“I couldn’t find the time until today so, I wouldn’t know what (L/N) is like.” Nanami replied

“Oh, I guess you two aren’t that close.”

“We’ve drifted apart over the years but I considered them a friend back in highschool. They were my upperclassmen.”

“Ah! No way! That makes me older than you!” He smiled.

His ability to switch attitudes at the drop of a hat was impressive. Nanami was already at a bar he didn’t want to be at and was wasting his day off. The last thing he wanted to do was play mind games with this strange man.

(L/N), just what is your relationship with him?

You and Gojo, mercifully, arrived and stopped the conversation that quickly turned one-sided. You thanked Ijichi and hesitantly stepped out of the car. It was strange seeing you dressed up and outside your normal attire. Not even on the joint missions You and Nanami used to go on were you ever this casually dressed.

“Hope we didn’t keep you two waiting,” Gojo grinned, watching Nanami hold his gaze on you.

“No, I just got here.” Hasegawa replied. He stepped forward towards you, “(Y/N), you never fail to amaze me.”

“At least buy me something before you sweet talk me.” You jokingly rolled your eyes. You turned back to Nanami, “Thank you for coming tonight.”

“It was no problem.” Nanami stated. You two stood there for a moment before Gojo broke the silence and led everyone inside. Not even a single drink down and he already knew this would be an entertaining night.

* ✧ *

It was such a shame that Utahime and Shoko couldn’t make it. Gojo desperately needed someone to witness the minefield he was watching unfold. He could call Mei Mei but it would cost him more than anything she would order. Alas, he had to be entertained all alone. Nanami, suddenly very invested in the stories You and Hasegawa had to tell about the life you lived before coming back to Tokyo. Hasegawa, not at all subtly flirting with you and challenging Nanami. And You, unaware of it all.

Just when he thought this would be another night of complaining about work, he’s treated to a show.

“Excuse me,” You finished your drink and left for the restroom. With you gone, Hasegawa turned to the two men.

“What was (Y/N) like back then, weren’t they your senior?” He smiled nonchalantly.

“(Y/N) hasn’t changed much since then, they’re still the same.” Gojo replied.

“Ah, so still loud and fun.”

Gojo smiled, like a lightbulb went off in his head. “Yeah, they used to go around telling everyone they would marry Nanami one day.”

Nanami took a hard swallow of his drink glaring daggers at Gojo. Gojo returned the favor, peering over the rim of his glasses.

Hasegawa laughed, “That’s funny, (Y/N) barely mentioned you at all. It was so long ago though, you shouldn’t take it to heart.”

His fist clenched around the glass, “Funny. I could say the same for you.”

Before he could respond, Hasegawa got a phone call and excused himself outside.

Gojo whistled once he was out of earshot, “You really know how to welcome a guy to town.”

“Gojo, I wouldn’t advise you to be so casual around someone you just met.”

“Aww are you worried about me.” Gojo teased. “Or worried about, someone else?”

Though Nanami didn’t show it, Gojo knew he struck a nerve.

He continued, “You know, if a stranger is going to be around my students, I’d want to know about it.”

“And what do you know?”

“He was stationed in America a year out from graduating, that’s it.” Gojo said in a serious voice .

“That’s all you know?”

“That’s all I’ve heard.” It bothered Gojo that everyone seemed to know except him. Especially when it came to his student. Of course the higher ups wouldn’t make it so easy. They could risk it. Gojo can’t. For now though, Hasegawa wasn’t a threat to anyone. Well…

“I will worry about Yuuji, I’m his teacher. You should worry about your competition.”

“Competition?” Nanami scoffed.

Gojo smirked. “Isn’t that why you don’t like Hasegawa, Nanamin?”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“If you're worried about (Y/N) changing their mind,don’t be. They are still utterly in love with you!”

“Like that’s what I would care about right now.” He was annoyed but the blush on his face betrayed him.

“You deny it?” Gojo smirked.

“We have more pressing issues to worry about.” Nanami stated.

“Right, so Hasegawa can steal (Y/N) away and it won’t bother you? I guess that’s a way to get rid of him.”

Nanami rolled his eyes, “(L/N) can do whatever they want, it’s not my concern.”

“What’s not your concern?” You asked, appearing behind them. Nanami almost choked on his drink.

“About how you were so worried Nanami wouldn’t like your hair-”

“Gojo!” You whined.

“What? Nanamin already knows you love him! Why hide it?”

“I’m not hiding it. Not everyone needs to know.”

“Really? A couple years ago you would have been screaming it from the rooftop. Have your feelings changed so much?” Gojo jokingly gasped.

“My feelings never changed, I will always want Nanami but at least I’m less pushy about it now.” You huffed sitting down, “Nanami, I want you to think of me as a friend, okay?”

“Right..” that was all he could muster.

* ✧ *

The cool nighttime air hit your face as you and Nanami huddled out the bar first. You placed your phone back in your pocket after hanging up with Ijichi. You and Nanami had a higher tolerance but it still concerned you for him to drive home or ride the train alone. Nanami thanked you, of course.

“I sobered up because I knew Ryo would get hammered.” You assured him.

“You two must have gone out a lot.”

“Yeah, but that was years ago,” (Y/N) smiled. “I’m glad you came tonight Nanami. I hope we can still hang out like this.”

“Yeah. Of course.” For once Nanami didn’t know how to speak to you. The air around you had shifted and it felt like you two were on the same plane of existence, finally. The distance he was worried about before suddenly became shorter. He saw you differently. A part of him thought it was ridiculous, come Monday morning you’d be back to your aggressive flirting. Was that really a bad thing though?

Gojo and Hasegawa came hurdling out the door before he could think any further. “(Y/N)-chan!!!!” Hasegawa cheered. He wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders, “Take me home with you!”

“You’re too old to be acting like this.” You laughed. “I should get him to bed. See you guys later.”

“Get home safe.” Nanami called out. For a moment he saw Hasegawa look back and smirk at him. He’s drunk…

Gojo cleared his throat, “Lighten up, like you’d lose to someone like him.”

“Gojo, please do not make assumptions about people.”

“Oh that is rich coming from you!”

#no beta we die like men #nanami kento #nanami kento x reader #nanami x black!reader #nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #kento nanami #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

[fariesoiree]

Heyy babes it's me againn

I was wondering if you'd consider writing a smutty drabble about hobie with a reader who has a praise kink? 👀

Much love from yours truly, ☄️

welcome back! always love the interactions c: of cawrse you can! idk how long this is but i think it qualifies as a fic soooo . . . hate the ending but it was getting tooooo long c: ageless and minors dni i will block you, black fem reader, she/her prns

hobie first notices the way you sort of . . . cower when he compliments you a few weeks ago. maybe cowers isn’t the best word — more like shy away. sure, you’ll always smile and accept it all with grace but there’s always something about it. if he looks at you hard enough, your brown eyes looks a little different than usual. it brings about a curiosity in him that he’s never had before.

it’s a question that dwells in the back of his mind and only resurfaces now, when you’re both created comfortable indents on hobie’s gray couch, one that he’s gotten secondhand and restored himself. he holds a wine glass in his hand, filled with cheap, store bought wine. he doesn’t care too much for the taste or expensive experience and you feel fortunate that you are able to pick out the bottle this week.

on the tv, just large enough to cover the stand, plays another episode of too hot to handle. each time another bad episode of trashy reality television comes to an end and netflix auto plays another — your account because hobie would never — you just let it continue playing, transfixed on the forced drama.

“you think you could last on a show like that?” hobie asks, taking a sip from the round glass. the wine is more sweet than bitter and leaves a subtle alcoholic aftertaste on his tongue. he would prefer something a little stronger but the point is not to get drunk. instead it’s to enjoy each other’s presence. “like, on an island with a bunch of hot guys that you can’t fuck but you want to, so bad.”

you glance at him from the corner of your eye expecting to meet his gaze, only to find the side of his face. even from this direction, the angles of his jaw is still just as sharp and reflects his true beauty in a way that used to intimidate you in the earlier days of your relationships. “well, can i fuck the girls?”

hobie’s tongue clicks against the ridged roof of his mouth with a hushed tut! he rolls his eyes but the corners of his lips twitch upwards. you’re such a smartass. “obviously not. don’t act daft.” in between his words, he pauses to scowl at the private interviews from the contestants.

“then no. plus, i only want you. if i ended up on that show after meeting you, i’d just be bored, i think. what would i even do?”

a chuckle rumbles in his chest, spreading in thick warmth that crawls its way out his throat. his head lulls in your direction and the hand, attached to the hand wrapped around your shoulder, rubs across your bare skin, left uncovered under the white shortsleeved loose, cherry patterned top. it’s long enough to be perfectly comfortable when you’re curled up into his side, hanging around your arms without constricting your movement when the fabric gets bunched and stick beneath you.

“jeez, bug. aren’t you proper perfect. always treatin’ me so well.” when he looks down at you, there’s that look again, along with the sheepish smile that slowly creeps along your face. he doesn’t know how to describe it, but it’s there and it makes him curious. you’ve never been too shy with him, not anymore at least. yet, here you are, losing your train of thought every time he sweet talks you. “why do you do that?”

this time, instead of continuing to sit there with that distracted look on your face, you squint at him. his question confuses you enough to turn your head, having to tilt your head up to eye him comfortably. “do what?” you rest the base of the wine glass on your knees, propped up and pressed into your chest. the sock-covered soles of your feet are stable on the couch.

“that thing. every time i say something nice to you, you start acting weird.” hobie explained. he mirrors your expression, confused that you’re confused. how could you not know? you’re consistently doing it, each and every time without fail.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, ‘bie.” you say with a small shake of your head. the shiny fabric of your silk bonnet catches the sunlight and reflect it back out of the skylight over your head.

hobie’s houseboat is quaint, a little small, and depends heavily on the natural lighting. several windows are littered around the walls and occasionally left open to allow the cool breeze, rolling over the water, inside the room. the kitchen and the living room are only a few steps away, so much so that hobie doesn’t necessarily need a table in the kitchen. instead, he opts for bar stools at the counter that keeps the space from feeling stuffy.

the small, gray sectional is covered in a throw blanket and a few pillows, all varying in color and material — courtesy of you. the brown, coffee table in front of you has its own decor on it. decals from different shows hobie watches, figurines of characters he’s a fan of, a couple plants too that thrive in such sunny conditions.

a little ways down the hall is the bathroom, which is more open concept than your standard way of living. the sink is left unguarded and open to the houseboat residents while the shower and toilet are surrounded by three walls and a door, all designed to mimic the texture and appearance of wood.

farther down from that is the only bedroom in the boat, the one that you frequent for midday naps when you’re seeking the comfort of your partner. the little space is does have is narrow and only enough to fit a full sized bed, stacked on top a bed frame that allows for pullout drawers beneath, optimizing the storage. there’s a window next to the bed with blinds that stay pulled up during the day so you can ogle at the soft waves the push and pull of gravity brings about.

he’s gotten his walls decorated with posters of bands, memorabilia, and other random clutter hobie’s collected over the years. it’s never truly tidy here but it’s comfortable, it’s cozy to be somewhere that feels lived in without regrets.

“you don’t know what i’m talkin’ about?” hobie reiterates with a curl of his lips. he’s got his thick, dark eyebrows furrowed together, knitting and inching together on his forehead akin to caterpillars. sometimes, he’ll rest with his head on your lap and flinch under the cold tweezers when you pluck astray hairs out of their follicles.

you shake your head again and lean further into the warmth of his side. “mm-mm,” you hum and take a sip of the stella rose, pink and swirling in the rounded walls of your glass. you can still feel his skeptical eyes focused on the top of your covered head. before he can press you anymore, you cut him off, lifting your finger to point at the screen. “she’s actually an idiot. he’s been flirting around with two other girls but she’s still trying to get with him. that’s so stupid.”

he wants to side eye you, listening to that voice in his head coming up with what feels like rational assumptions but he doesn’t, because you’ve already moved on. instead, he just shrugs and drops it entirely — for now. “maybe she’s into that. a girl cuck.”

nighttime comes peacefully. the horizon darkens as the sun dips out of visibility. you made dinner, seasoned asparagus with steaming mashed potatoes and herb-crusted chicken; hobie washed the dishes from that night and after going through the motions of getting ready for bed, you both ended up in bed and under the soft sheets, wrapped in each others arms. you’re especially grateful that the boat remains well-vented and the air is cool on the water when you’re pressed into hobie’s bare chest. his skin is always so warm to the touch, so much so that it makes you hot with prolonged contact. in the summer, you can only cuddle for a few minutes before rolling away and throwing the sheets off to cool down.

you got your phone shoved into his face, playing yet another cat video. you smile at the orange feline on your screen, running around its living room in glee. “it’s so cute. i want one so bad.”

“yeah? think you’d be better off with a rock. can’t even take care of yourself.”

you can feel him smirk into your shoulder. one of his long arms goes to trap your body before you can turn and swat at him for his antics. he knows you and how you’d probably flick his forehead for talking about you in such manner.

“what — fucking — ever. get off of me.” you mumble, writhing in his strong hold forcing you into the mattress. he’s left you with enough room to turn your head. it’s a desperate attempt but you try anyway, straining your neck towards his skin to clamp your teeth down. each time, he angles just out of your reach and scoffs.

“feral ass animal. say please and i’ll let you go.”

“hobie!” you more or less whine, lifting your legs and pushing it against is. your futile kicks do nothing but tangle your legs in his until he’s got them squeezed and trapped. you’ve officially lost and there’s nothing you can do.

hobie couldn’t be more pleased with himself and distributes more of his weight onto your back. he grins, white teeth gleaming in the yellow lighting from the lamp on the shelves above your head, set on dim and creating a cozy mood to relax in. “say it. say it or we’ll sit here all night.”

you purse, pout, and wiggle even more. your phone has been discarded and forgotten about, lost somewhere in the bed between your struggling for power. it takes a few minutes to fall still and the air fills with harsh breaths from the both of you. hobie’s giggles are mixed in with snorts and you can’t help but smile at his delight.

“fine! whatever. please let me go.” you’re more upset that you have to admit defeat than the playful battle you’ve gotten yourself in.

it’s almost immediate, the way hobie retracts his grip and removes himself from you entirely, except for the sole arm lazing over your waist, lightweight and without purpose. “atta’ girl. you’re such a good listener.”

he expect some snarky remark to leave your lips, glossy and slathered in aquaphor but nothing. you don’t do anything at all. you only lay there, hands feeling around for your phone. you don’t even turn around to smack his shoulder. you do nothing at all and it confuses him.

hobie sits up, propping his head into the palm of his hand. from here, he gets a wide view of the expression you’re trying so diligently to hide. he can see the soft, timid smile on your face. you’re too busy digging around for your phone to notice his peaked interest. by the time you’re wrapped your fingers around the now warm glass of your phone, hobie’s fingers have done the same but with your chin and tugging it in his direction. “you’re doin’ it again,” he muses.

you’re forced to roll onto your back in his new position and clutch the phone against your chest. you feel a bit like prey, stationed underneath hobie and being accused of something you aren’t even sure about. “what?” your attention flickers between both of your eyes. you’re trying to get an gauge on the situation and turn even further to him.

hobie, much like you earlier, says nothing. his brain whirs with thoughts that rush through a million miles a second. he’s back to jumping to conclusions, working through the possibilities on his own. there’s only a few theories that he can come up with but they all sound silly. all except one. “you like it, don’t you?”

“what?” you repeat, even more lost than before. you’re rapidly falling behind his train of thought and squint your eyes at him. “you have to give me more than that, hobes. i don’t understand right now.”

he repositions himself, sitting up in totality. he doesn’t hold onto you anymore and instead moves to the space in front of you, space that he created by pushing your legs apart until you’re straddling his waist. he’s got a leg hanging off the side of the bed and dangling. the other is folded into him. “are you acting dumb or are you deadass?”

the sudden change in his demeanor has you spooked, even more so because you’re left in the dark. “are you mad at me? did i do something?” you push yourself up until you’re just a few breaths away. your heart races and you’re already wondering how to make up for your wrongdoings.

with the lighting, the room is still pretty dark. you can’t see too well that far apart but when you’re up close and personal with hobie, every detail in his face is on display and perfectly meshing together.

“you like when i talk nice to you. it’s obvious, darlin’. you start acting weird every time. ever since a few weeks ago.” his accusation is based on a few things he’s noticed as the days passed.

“well, yeah.” you sound like he’s the one pretending to be dumb, getting so worked up because you’re appreciative of his kindness. “of course i do . . .? what’s your point?”

hobie shakes his head. his own night cap glints with the occasional red glow. by now, he’s got his hands on your waist making temporary indents into your skin. “no. no, not like that. i’m talking about you like it. like, real bad. like, i bet i could get your panties wet from it, alone.”

your mouth falls open in a shocked o shape. it catches you completely off guard that he’s so suddenly brought up your infatuation with his sweet talk in such a suggestive manner. “huh?” is all you can manage because worst of all, you know he’s right because you have been hoping you’ve been discrete about it this entire time. “shut up?!”

“you didn’t say no.” he looks arrogant now, thumbing the elastic band of your cheeky-cut underwear, made from a gray cotton material and hemmed with a cream lace trim. the little bow on the front is sewn in and perfected with perma-stitches. hobie pulls it back and retracts his thumb. every time it snaps back into place, his grin widens. “i mean, if you wanna experiment, we can. y’know i never mind it, gorgeous.”

it’s suffocating. this whole thing is suffocating and you feel like you’re going to die in the best way possible. this so called “experiment” was not supposed to go this far. it was only supposed to be for a little bit, a half hour max and then you’d both go to sleep with the new knowledge to expand upon at another time. this was particularly important because you had to wake up early tomorrow and hobie knows this. it’s your fault; you shouldn’t have believed him. he looked too excited to worship you in praises and got so carried away that you’ve gotten your chest pushed into the bed. the arch of your back is so deep, you’re pushing your ass so high in the air and against hobie’s thighs.

hobie’s experiment is going so well for him. he’s gotten his chest against your back and his lips right next to your ear. his goal, done successfully, is to make his words as clear as possible so they process in your brain and send another wave of desire racking through every nerve of your body. a hand of his swipes along your clit, curling around the front of your body. his arm is getting somewhat squished underneath you but he couldn’t give fuck all about it. he’s too busy focusing on your wanton moans as you lose yourself, throwing your ass back fervently.

you got your head planted firmly into the bed and hobie hates it. he despises the muffled tone he’s given no choice but to hear; he puts up with it only because he’s having so much fun, too much fun. leaned down so close the the shell of your ear, he’s able to speak so alluringly, never mind the gravely tone his voice had taken on under the strain of casting his pleasure to the back of his mind. “my good — shit, god you’re so perfect — good fuckin’ girl.”

your response is nothing but open-mouthed whines into the sheets, leaving behind a damp trace of the shape of your lips in your wake. your legs quiver and would have otherwise been plopped onto the bed but you’re held up, what little strength you can muster through your forearms and hobie’s snacked around your waist working together keeping you where he’s got you.

you roll your head in his direction and cup his cheek. you look needy, basking in the warm lighting and drowning out the croaking frogs hidden in the shrubbery surrounding the lake. your fingers dig into his cheek to pull him closer and attach your lips to his, rewarding him with wet and sloppy kiss. both of your saliva mix as your tongues swirl against each other.

each particularly deep thrust paired with the smooth words of encouragement constantly flowing from hobie sends another watery gush of arousal from your cunt. it leaks down the sides of your thighs and becomes slathered on hobie’s.

he can’t help but laugh when your attempts to kiss him fall weak and you’re moaning against him. “hobie,” you whisper with a flutter of your eyelashes. they brush across his cheek and hide the burning desire in the brown rim of your eyes behind your eyelids.

a shudder runs down your back, all in preparation for your ultimate undoing. your head droops back into the bed and you clutch the sheets between your fingers. it’s all balled up and pulled into wrinkles.

he wants to reassure you but he can’t; hobie isn’t any better. he’s just as needy as you are, just as dizzy and on the brink of ascending. it’s just something that comes with being buried in your fluttering cunt. “perfect fuckin’ pussy. soo wet f’me, huh.” he says it more like a statement than a question. he doesn’t have to ask because he knows. it’s not like there’s anyone else that can get you to unravel like this, get you so soft beneath them, get your cunt dripping in slick.

there’s a moment when all movement stills and the feeling, the orgasm ebbing away brings a certain discontent that makes you mewl in hopes that the sound would active some carnal sense in his brain. it doesn’t. the only thing that happens is hobie shifting behind you, lifting his torso until he’s looking down at you. his hands grip at your waist, thumbs pressed into the curved dimples in your back. he likes to think they’ve gotten deeper from the amount of times he’s planted them here. “you want it?”

if you were in your right mind, perhaps the eagerness at which your head rise and falls with a nod. “yes, yes please. please, hobie. i want it.” by now, your bonnet had slipped off and tumbled onto the floor, leaving your hair exposed to the elements. you’re fortune to have twisted it a few days ago because even with the hairs beginning to frizz and coil into knots, most of it remains maintainable.

you can feel his rather large palms massaging your skin. it jiggles in waves whenever his hand cracks down hot and heavy. with enough time, you’re sure he could leave behind a dull shade of red. “do it yourself then, treacle. go ahead. take your dick.” he wraps his hand around the back of your neck, brushing your hair off your shoulders until he’s able to get a good, firm grip. he’s able to lift your head this way, pulling you out of your trance so you’d really and truly hear him.

you can feel your breath hitch and is stolen away. your limbs move for you, reaching out and taking a hold of the headboard. the other hand is firm on the bed, as firm as you can get it. you’re panting by the time you’ve gotten yourself here but you know it’s the right decision because hobie’s fingers trail down the column of your spine.

your tongue goes to spread across your now chapped lips. you can feel each ridge created from your once hydrated lips, stolen from the kisses and rubbing against the sheets. with your newfound hold, you sniff, grit your teeth, and throw yourself back against him.

hobie does nothing else but lightly hold your waist and eye each ripple of your round cheeks when they slam against his groan. he wants to throw his head back but then he’d miss his front row seat to your show, in all your glory. “l - look at you. mmm, fuck! looks so — . . . so good.”

you’re so mouthy, now but it’s all warbling and blabber, nonstop and nonsensical in tandem with every stroke you subject yourself to. it’s unexpected that this is what the night ultimately led to. after watching tv, eating dinner, and bickering with the love of your life, he finishes it off by filling your pretty little head with praises.

“look at how you fit around me. y’so good.” hobie peels apart the round globes of your ass. he’s able to get a clear view of his cock, long and skinny, sinking in between the folds of your cunt. it all glistens with arousal, coating the base of his shaft in a thin, milky liquid. he can’t help but lower his head towards your body and stick out his tongue. a droplet of his spit rolls down his tongue. it adds to the wet mixture of your sex and gets lost in all the precum.

he’s going to kill you, you’re certain. his cock is going to crawl its way up your esophagus and murder you. there’s no way it won’t with how full you feel, your cunt and your brain. still, even with how overwhelmed you feel, there’s no chance you will ever stop. if anything, it’s reinforcement to keep going, to hold the headboard harder, to launch your body back farther. the praise is going straight to your head and he knows it. hell, you know it. to die like this would be an honor and somewhere, in the deep, depths of your brain, you’re hoping it never ends.

#⋆౨ৎ˚⟡ 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 . . . 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 . . . ☄️ 𝜗𝜚⋆ #hobie x black!reader #hobie smut #hobie brown #x black fem reader #x black reader #astv hobie #x reader #hobie x reader #hobie x y/n

[burinazar]

:( patheticposting

nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is

[bethiewhimsy]

i’ve been stricken with so many problems.

#1) the fucking yearning. go away. i don’t need romantic love. it SUCKS and it’s BAD. disgusting. #2) a sudden repulsion for skirts???? WHAT THE HELL. I LOVE SKIRTS. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO WEAR THEM RN. it’s so fucking weird. #3) i have to actually decide what to do with my life. like. big things. like getting a damn apartment. #4) the crippling fear of growing up has resurfaced. i just turned 20. i don’t want to do this shit anymore. #anyway i’m fine 👍 #i suppose this is a vent post??? but in the tags. #haven’t vented on tumblr dot com in a hot hot hot minute #not since my irl friend started following me (hopefully they’re not reading this but if they are: hi) #ranting in the tags feels SO much safer. like. no one’s coming in here #OH ANOTHER THING. #5) a fucking midterm is here and it takes EFFORT. #it’s whatever im just feeling feelings and that’s all right #at least i have a fun little thing to look forward to this weekend #im going to see a ballet !!! #but damn……::::that makes me think about how i’ll never actually do anything with my life. #like we can’t all be on the stage but hell #like??? the knowledge that it only gets worse from here???????????? what the actual hell #and sometimes i think about how i’ll always have to be in the closet. #which sometimes im completely fine with and other times it hurts me a lot #idk. IDK. #anyway. im 20 and i don’t know what im doing with my life and ive never had a lover and i don’t have many friends #and i don’t have any passions or dreams or goals and we’re all only here to one day die. #damn i guess this is why people journal #maybe i should pick up journaling #i think it’d help tbh #anyway im rlly truly actually done now #edit: I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM #6) MY PERIOD IS MAKING ME UPSET. everything hurts and im gonna be so nauseous and gross tomorrow help me. pain & agony #7) i cant fall asleep!!!!!!!!!!! but im so tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #8) im gonna have to sit thru a transphobic + misogynistic + toxic ass chapel teaching tomorrow.

[pepprs]

i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today

#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph #physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw #between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could #barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n #nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one #of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk. #everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and #that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have #time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us #to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh #delete later #purrs #also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just #weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad. #ask to tag #like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it #literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi #smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s #not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing #abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it

[fuitygummy]

I think I’m failing therapy

#personal fuity shit #I can’t answer my therapist’s questions #I feel like I’m only repeating myself every session #I can’t do the things she asks me to. and I don’t even know why. I just can’t #I don’t exercise. I don’t leave my room. I barely drink water. I have an eating disorder #I honestly don’t know what she could do for me. and I noticed she doesn’t either #maybe I truly am a lost cause #I’m stuck in place. can’t get better and sometimes seems to be getting worse #when I told her I don’t even want to live anymore she kinda got. pissed at me? #she made it sound like ‘being alive only because I don’t want to make my mom sad’ is the most insane and wildest thing she’s ever heard #and that I was crazy to even think about it #as if that wasn’t my only thought for like idk 8 years or so #ALSO she keeps putting my bisexual identity in question every opportunity she gets. like wtf #just because I’ve never hooked up with a girl doesn’t make me any less bi #‘are you truly bi or just curious?’ idk and idc ma’am you’re the one bringing this up and making it look like a problem #I’ve got lots of complaints but. it’s not easy to quit #I’d have to tell my mom an excuse as to why I want another therapist #and looking for a new therapist is just nightmare #I’m just tired. really wish I could think about killing myself more in depth without feeling guilty #thinking about how my mom’s life would be shattered and all the pain I’d cause her gives me goosebumps. it breaks my heart

[asexualjedi]

As a kid I wanted to like be like the doctor like play them on tv but then I was likely they’ll never hire me I’m American and then I was like ok best I can get is companion but I need to like figure out how to break into acting I’m only gonna get older I’m running out of time. I need to get enough credits to ever be able to audition. Anyways long story short sometimes I’ll see the doctor or the companions and my brain just awaken that demon and is like ok we’ll time to drop out of law school change my life completely in need to hurry up and speed run if I’m not gonna run out of time.

#idk if I’m explaining it right bc I’m half wake but truly funny that’s ingrained in me just like I know how old I was at every grade bc in #elementary full I mapped it out bc I wanted to know how long I was trapped what year I would get out and how old I would be and that’s just #entranced in me no math no thinking #can’t think in any other way about it #but yeah something something autism something something my chronic depression anxiety #making me feel like very choose I made choosing to look at only the roads that are now closed and what could have been even if thetr easnt t #much of a chance for the other road or like why I decided what #anyways when I had idea for this post I meant to bring it up bc #I did acting right #but it was just small school stuff and trying out for like local theate companies and stuff #and like i didn’t go to far into it bc I had real really bad paranoia #like it’s better now #like it doesn’t mess with my life like it did or whatver BUT like I hated being on camera and people seeing me hearing me prociecing me. #like during the acting whatver but afterwards. like I’m better now I’m a private person don’t like to over share face on whatever online but #that’s also just internet safety right #anyways so I think it’s funny like yeqh person who hates to be prveeved and doesn’t want anyone to know there name or face go run quick and #become a television actor aim for a very ijnthe spotlight roll nothing bad can come from this ajdjdjd #feel like I lost the plot/whatver joke I originally had but I’m tired and have been doing property for like most of my waking hours the #past 2 days so if it’s not a hour like future interests in real estate my Brian’s scrambled

[distantwave]

#really think I actually need to find a psychiatrist one of these days #not to quote my shitty roomie but I really don’t have to live like this #I am. doing not as bad as I have at other points. but I am definitely not doing great I would say #like I mean things are fine at the moment. but there’s definitely the edge of a precipice kinda feeling to it #like I do really enjoy my job that’s a really good thing for me actually and I finally found a place to live so that’s excellent but #I do REALLY think I need to get help before I move out. which realistically isn’t going to happen bc it’s less than a month away #but uh. I am. not going to do well on my own admittedly. sure I was practically living on my own the last few months in the last place #just bc no one would speak to me. but there were still other people in the house. I think my potential for getting really bad again is #perhaps going to be alarmingly high if I’m on my own without a roommate or a therapist/physiatrist to figure shit out #I don’t want it to take away how excited I am to live at my new place but I genuinely should not be on my own. like practically I’m fine #it’s mentally I won’t do well with it I think #on a totally different note tho if I did ever end up getting diagnosed with what I think I’ve got going on it opens up a ton of #diners drive ins and dives jokes for me lmaoo #so that’s something I guess lol. but yea anyways idk what to do really. am bad at bridging what I can bring up to people and what I can’t #as that is literally one of the defining reasons my relationship with her fucking crashed and burned. so idk when/what/how much I can #talk about things anymore. went from telling no one anything and it completely ruining my closest friendship. to telling her everything and #it ALSO ruining our friendship. so my grasp of what’s appropriate is evidently nonexistent ya know. but I do need to talk to someone bc #I am perhaps doing less than optimal ya know? and I don’t really want to go back to my last therapist I feel like it’s been too long #don’t know what my plan of action is here but this was slightly cathartic at least

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#god i’m so unhappy and i just really don’t know what to do #i tried to look at job listings today and everything i saw sounded absolutely abysmal #i feel so pathetic i just wish i could work and have a normal job and not be a fucking freak about everything #i just wanna be able to take care of myself i hate being dependent on others so fucking much #but all i have the energy to do is lay around and feel miserable and everyone keeps telling me i need to do something! anything! #and i try i really fucking do but just nothing happens bc i just have no energy for anything #i want to go to school or have a job or SOMETHING believe me i don’t want to just lay around and not do anything and have no money #it SUCKS and makes me feel awful about myself and it’s straining my relationships bc i can tell everyon: #*everyone’s tired of me acting like this and i’m tired of it too but i just genuinely don’t know how to get out of it #im so tired and depressed and i’m trying so hard not to be like i’m taking my meds and doing my basic tasks and hygiene #but beyond that i have no motivation or energy for anything else and people are concerned about me wasting my potential #and i just feel like i’m disappointing everyone and i’m just a time/money/effort suck for everyone around me #i don’t even know what would make me feel better at this point #maybe just being someone else entirely. someone who’s not a fuckup who wastes everyone’s time like me #just nothing brings me joy anymore and i’m so agitated and pessimistic about everything and i wish that i wasn’t #the only thing i know to do is to cover it up with an inflated self esteem about how hot i am and how people desire me #but that desire is always so superficial and empty and feels amazing in the moment and progressively more awful as time goes on #idk i’m just ranting at this point but just know i’m in my electra heart era and not necessarily happy about it #personal

[justasadboi]

I had to talk to my dad today and ask a really big favor from him and even thinking about it makes me wanna blow my brains all over my fucking walls. Like now I have to go see him and have dinner with him and I was like not even gonna fucking see him at all and now I gotta go make nice with him. Like he has the fucking audacity to fucking tell me about the fucking concert he took his gfs kids to and like I wanted to fucking scream. Like I remember asking him to give me money to go to a concert and like supervise and whatever and he was like no. And then he’s like yeah it was like a full circle moment cause these people were my first concert and it was their first concert like wow crazy. And I’m like wow that’s awesome hahahah but in my head I’m like you dumb fuck I’m gonna blow up ur fucking house you piece of dog shit. Like I’m ready to fucking explode on goddamn everyone. Like I’ve just been bitchy today and distant but if I talk to these people im going to be a ducking cunt and idk what the fuck im supposed to do. Like my sister is gonna be in town when I go and idk if she’s gonna be staying with my mom or not and like I just wanna go home to my mom and fucking cry and freak out to her like idk wtf im doing I just wanna fucking die I don’t wanna deal with shit at home I don’t wanna live with my mom but I can’t live on my own financially or even mentally so like wtf is left for me bro how am I supposed to survive. Like im tryna be helpful for my bf cause he’s like having an episode but all I wanna do is fucking starve myself and cut myself and lay in bed till I fucking die. Or I wanna fucking scream at everyone around me and be like I don’t wanna be the fucking star anymore I want to be a fucking person not a goddamn star everyone looks at and talks about but doesn’t fucking care about or help. We kill our fucking planet and then complain that’s it’s breaking like wtf do you except that’s goddamn math 1+1=2 always have always fucking will. But even those numbers are made up so who tf actually fucking know

#bpd #the end of that just ended up going wild #idrk what happened there #but like fuck my dad #mad at my mom but I don’t blame her at all she and her bf just have me 550 dollars so like whatever #but like wtf #all he wants to do is talk about how I was an asshole drug addict when I was 16 #but like I’m not 16 and I haven’t been for a while #so idk why we need to bring up that I fucking suck #like I fucking suck rn but you wouldn’t know cause you aren’t fucking here #no one is fucking here #I feel like I’m in a goddamn bubble that y’all see but can’t get thru #I don’t wanna eat Easter dinner rn I hardly fucking ate today and it just feels right

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#I hate that I still think about you even when I don’t want to #I hate that I still check obsessively for your messages for hours on end and get so excited seeing that notification pop up #I hate that I still have feelings for you even though I’m trying to get rid of them #I hate that I’m struggling to move on and you did it like it was nothing #I hate that I feel like I’m not giving my all to my girlfriend or doing enough in my relationship #I hate that I hang on your every word like a life preserver #I hate that you still get my heart racing every day just by talking to me #I hate that I feel so stuck and don’t know what to do to get out of your spiral #I don’t want to make this your problem because that’ll just start another huge fight #I don’t want to risk pushing you so far away I never get you back #I can’t say any of this to my girlfriend because I know it would make her feel awful and ruin our relationship #I don’t know how to explain it to my therapist and besides he thinks I already cut you off anyway #why is this still so hard? we haven’t flirted or anything since April #I think maybe I’m still waiting for closure in a sense #things ended so abruptly before and we barely talked through any of it unless it was through little arguments or me being overbearing #so it’s like I never got official closure… idk like a discussion or a last time or something like that I guess #I know none of that should be needed but my shit brain is saying that’s what it wants/needs #I just don’t know how to talk to you about any of this because the second I bring it up there’ll be a problem #ugh I just feel like I’m trapped in these stupid thoughts and feelings and I hate it #and I think to myself in a couple years none of this will matters and I won’t care at all about it #I pray that that’s the case but I also need that shit to hurry up and get here now #personal

[peachinspiration]

bro like dude

#ever feel so dissociative that ur like #idk like #it’s the worst thing ever when you have a problem but feel like you can never bring it up #actually dying rn like I need a solution but I’m so out of hope and faith rn #praying it actually resolves but my god man #I don’t even feel like the same person living in the same reality anymore #like oh my godddd my ass wants to die so badly #I know deep in myself that things will resolve and get back to normal but at the same time I feel like it’s never gotten this bad #but I still have faith I just don’t know how it’ll play out #worse case scenario nothing happens at all and I just explode under pressure after a few weeks #manifesting it doesn’t come to that #I just wanna die rn man #also it infuriates me so bad how much my mind just cannot will not cooperate with me rn #I don’t even know how to exist amongst ppl anymore it’s THAT bad #I mean I’m sure I’ve gone through emotional hell before and each time I’ve pulled out but god I just feel so immensely betrayed and idk what #to do about it #even worse it’s like sorrys have been given blah blah but the feeling just won’t leave me and it’s making me wanna rip my hair out #I know it’s bad to keep venting about it cuz I already vented a lot to myself for hours #but god man I just wanna break my head open lol #praying to god my ass doesn’t snap under the pressure and do dumb shit lolll #I’m kinda just floating through the day and everything feels Grey and I’m just staring at fictional stuff as a sort of escape just speeding #through multiple different things and hiding my emotions from literally everyone cuz I have zero clue on what to do about any of it #and I’m terrified of even doing that cuz I fear bad things will happen haha magical ocd things #things will definitely improve from this things will definitely get solved and not in a way that’ll leave me traumatized I know this for sur #I feel insanely alone right now