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lovesickeros · 7 months

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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]

This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.

She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.

But it'd been almost a week since then.

The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.

That counted for something.

Not much, but something!

..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.

There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.

She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.

So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.

Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.

Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.

She really didn't like it.

There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.

She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.

She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.

That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.

Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.

But he wasn't.

He was out running her nation, instead.

And what was she doing? Nothing!

She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.

Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.

Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.

..She wasn't ready.

What was she supposed to say?

Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?

She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.

For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.

Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.

Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.

It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

"Focalors?"

The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.

She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.

"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"

The silence is deafening.

She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!

"Lady Furina?"

Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.

"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.

Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.

Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.

"Why aren't you killing me?"

The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.

She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.

"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."

The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.

He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.

..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?

How unfair.

"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"

She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.

..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.

She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.

For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.

Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.

For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.

Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.

She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.

She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.

She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.

"Again."

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #neuvillette #focalors #furina #dont ask what happened here idk #this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up #got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story #focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her #what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell #neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all #ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions #using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS #constant anxiety and panic 24/7 #will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry #compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more #i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY #i want 2 put them under a microscope #watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving #anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days

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turtleblogatlast · 23 days

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No but like every time I think about Splinter and what he had to go through just to keep the boys alive, my heart hurts for him so badly. Is he perfect? No not at all, but none of them are and by god does he love his sons.

The fact that all of them are alive, and grew to thrive despite the circumstances surrounding them is a testament of how much Splinter loves his boys. He raised four babies following the most traumatic time of his life, all alone with nothing but the sewers to house them (to hide them.) I feel like he’s not given the credit he deserves for all he’s done.

And I get that it’s easy to hold up his flaws and faults when it comes to parenting, I myself like looking into them because flawed characters are super interesting and said flaws make them more realistic and engaging, but he tries, and again, so many others would have given up on the boys or failed along the way but Splinter didn’t.

He’s their father, for all his faults he did his damndest to make sure they survived.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt splinter #rise splinter #he’s not perfect as I’ve said #and he’s got a whole slew of flaws and faults #but he’s a person - we are all flawed #he loves his sons dearly dearly dearly even if he struggles along the way to show that #parenting is not easy! especially as a traumatized mutant who is forced to do it alone #side note but I think this is one of the reasons why it kiiiiiinda ruffles my feathers to see so many people assign parentification to Raph #and in turn make Splinter out to be way worse and way more distant than he is in canon?#like idk I just don’t see what so many others see ig but maybe that’s just me #i guess my thoughts are like- let parents have flaws without villainizing them?#they’re still parents even if they mess up?#we can discuss the repercussions of a parents actions on a child while not casting that parent as an awful person #parents are peopleeee #I could go on but yeahhh #idk it bothers me seeing splinter’s efforts undermined when he’s been through so much #idk if ppl realized this by now but I love me some flawed characters #tho I do think in this fandom the ones whose faults are discussed the most are like #Splinter mostly then Draxum then Leo #of the main cast #and in Splinters case in particular his faults are made to cover his good qualities which makes me sad #because he is SO INTERESTING #they’re all flawed characters and tbh so interesting because their flaws are ALSO their strengths in many aspects

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mettywiththenotes · 4 months

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I like to imagine Kudou "Got together with Yoichi in less than 2 months" is infuriated with Izuku "Miscommunication with Kacchan for 10+ years" Midoriya

He is tapping his foot waiting for those kids to talk and kiss already

#he wasn't even there all those years but he sees the way izuku acts around bakugou and wants to rip his hair out #kudou: back in my day we didn't beat around the bush like this. we didn't have time to.#kudou: we just confessed and kissed because the world was in chaos and you didn't know whether it would be your last day on earth or not!#izuku looking at yoichi: First... please help #it would probably be like that #or maybe #izuku: its hard to explain but me and kacchan... we've only just started talking normally again and i can't mess that up #izuku annoyed: it's a lot more complicated than what you think it is #smthg like that idk lol #i feel like izuku would overthink whether the crush is mutual or not because of their history #and kudou's 2 seconds away from grabbing him by the shirt (?) and telling him to confess already #for their (the vestiges) sakes #bnha #bnha manga spoilers #kudoichi #bakudeku #mettys posts #metty posts #bnha spoilers #kudou #izuku midoriya

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badnewswhatsleft · 2 months

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(audio starts 10s in) i've been casually collecting some cd singles mostly for the artwork and the novelty of it all tbh, but i got this and never knew there was a "guitars down" version of sugar :0 upon listening it seems the biggest differences with this vs the album version are:

the instrumentals/sustained controlled feedback that usually plays behind the prechoruses is also used between the chorus and the 2nd verse, over the normal chuggy riff

the backing vocal harmonies in the chorus seem to be significantly brought forward which sounds STUNNING, easily the highlight of this version

made it (+the music or the misery) available to download as a flac file here :)

#tbh thank you to decaydancemp3 for basically obliquely teaching me abt that 10s workaround #i knew there were apparently a million iterations of sugar but like. i only js rdiscovered sometimes these cd singles have COOL THINGS #fall out boy #patrick stump #joe trohman #andy hurley #pete wentz #time capsule #spin for you #theres also smthn different happening in the 2nd prechorus but tbh idk what. like an extra.. zwoopy.. slide..maybe #2nd half of 2nd verse from 'isnt it messed up' also seems to have some more bg sustained notes but might be hallucinating atp #i always sucked shit at aural music theory exams

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errorwarblesrr · 8 months

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I feel like moments like these are important. It solidifies that after everything he has been through in Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, he is still a child. In OOT, he really was a child trapped in an adults body.

He doesn't consider himself a grown-up and doesn't really understand what's going on in the Anju and Kafei sidequest. He isn't motivated by the stakes or to help two lovers reunite but rather to just help for the sake of it.

In Great Bay, there are, unfortunately, a bunch of weirdos. He looks at a Zora man weird, but I think rather than just finding him gross, he doesn't get it as seen in the Fish Wish sidequest. He finds them weird, but he doesn't have a full understanding of it. This showcases his innocence in the game.

Along with that, there's also a moment where Sakon the thief tries to take advantage of Link. He talks about Link's sword and how cool it is, gives advice, and compliments the sword again, asking to just see it. It's obviously suspicious to the player, but if Link says yes, Tatl immediately gets hostile and attacks Sakon to drive him away instead of letting Link hand over his sword. If Link says no but tries to talk to him again, Tatl will immediately become hostile at Sakon anyway. I feel like this can show how niave Link can be.

There's also when Link receives a Keaton mask. He doesn't really get the meaning behind it and doesn't think accepting it if it makes sense, but he does it anyway. This doesn't really further any points other than he really is just a niave kid going through the motions.

Point is Majora's Mask highlights how he is still a child at heart. He thinks and acts like one still after Ocrina of Time. He didn't just grow up when he was asleep for 7 years. After everything he's been through, he's still him: a child.

#the legend of zelda #loz #ocarina of time #majoras mask #ik oot is viewed as a game about growing up or how Link is now a adult in a child body but mm just show that no he is still a child at heart #if anything he is a bit more experienced and probably a bit traumatized because no kid should go through that #kafei also seems like the opposite of link being the one who is an adult trapped as a child #this one is more of a vibe than fact but sometimes tatl feels like an adult scolding a child for not knowing better #like theres a part in ikana canyon with the messed up roof and she says how link always misses stuff like that #or if links sword gets stolen by a bird she says “what are you doing?!?” you know as if anyone would want that to happen #idk it just reminds me of an adult scoling a child

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kenmaiii · 13 days

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after two years i finally draw the favorite

#my art #still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone #for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil #for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #thistle #dunmeshi thistle #thistle dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig #i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer #u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore #i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good #while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it #i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow #like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else #tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm

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wiseatom · 9 months

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i tried for a well thought out post. instead you get this mess that i’m begging you not to twist:

the outraged cries of “cliques” are people being actual friends with each other. the people complaining about certain blogs or creators being on pedestals are usually the same people putting them there. i’m not one to belittle feelings - i understand where the upset is coming from. i even understand my place in it! but at the end of the day, we’re working ourselves up over what? notes? followers? hits on a fic? things based on luck and timing??

i can only speak for myself, but i work a full time job and i’m hard scheduled 45 hours a week. all of my free time goes towards fic writing, because that’s For Me and that’s what’s important for my mental health, and even then, i am usually too exhausted to do that. i would love to read fic and interact more! my to-read list is a mile long! it is just genuinely hard for me to find the time. i prioritize my friends because they are my friends — real, actual people i know beyond tumblr mutualship, who i talk to about more than just fic writing — and even then i am late getting around to it. i’m not saying this as a “woe is me, my life is hard” moment, but moreso trying to offer a perspective that is not even being thought of. and i get it, no one wants to hear it, because you’re frustrated, and being vocal about frustration feels nice (i know, bc here i am)!!

someone is going to come for my throat for making this post as a “big author” and “part of the clique we’re all vagueing” and maybe it’s juuuuust me but like. if you’re that unhappy, log off. if seeing a friend group you’re not part of interacting makes you unhappy, log off. if seeing the engagement other people get on their posts or fic or art makes you unhappy, log off. you cannot force people to interact with you or your creative work, and aggressively posting about it when they don’t is not inviting them to. i am begging you to stop having expectations of people you do not know, because at the end of the day, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

#i will be the first to recognize my quote unquote privilege when it comes to this topic lol #but it’s like. idk. you’re welcome to reply to this or rb with thoughts or tear up my ask box lmfao #i’ve been trying to word this more eloquently for hours and this is all i’ve got #but yk. whatever. i still can’t even word what i’m trying to say #know that this comes from a place of genuine concern and kindness i really am not trying to sound like a bitch here lol #again feel free to ask for clarification or whateva cheddar but the hostility has been Poppin #and i know y’all gonna be like IF YOU THINK THE POST IS ABOUT YOU IT PROBABLY IS!!#and it’s like ok well i think it’s interesting that i made a silly blog for a silly fic and made silly promo stuff with my silly friends #and suddenly we clique posting again. like i’m not being so conceited as to say OBVIOUSLY this is abt me but the timing is interesting lol.#believe me i would love to have time to read more things so like. tell me what you want fr lol #i know this is abt to get me into a mess lmfao hitting post anyway

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mokeonn · 1 month

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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

#simon says #to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb #you might not have done enough research #you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument #you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this #sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution #you do what you can to fight against the problem #you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem #and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem #like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue #but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face #they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you #and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing #sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that #i used this while talking with my Dad tonight #he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution #and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now #and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it #and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate #and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before #i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help #and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change #but all I really could do is the little things I have control over #and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over #like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet #which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue #and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best #so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment

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yardsards · 23 days

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just read this part of the adventurer's bible and

do you think toshiro was originally attracted to falin (whilst still being irritated by many of her same traits in laios) because he thought his father would find her interesting???

#undescribed #eliot posts #dunme #dungeon meshi #dm spoilers #idk how i feel about him #my first impression was positive bc he had a cool character design (and i found him quite handsome personally lol)#but also he was mean to laios :(#but also laios was asking him intrusive questions and messing up his name #but also he should have just spoken up instead of expecting others to just read his mind #but also dude was a nobleman in what looks like feudal era japan #which to my (albeit limited) historical knowledge had even more intense politeness rules than like. the victorian era #so if the dunmeshi world is like the irl era then it could be a cultural thing that he felt he couldn't vocalize that stuff directly #and also he was in love with falin and seemed to like her weirdgirl tendencies. which i appreciate and respect. like. me too dude.#but also how much was genuine feelings and how much was seeing her as a novelty?#BUT ALSO did his family own fucking SLAVES??? and was he cool with that???#or did i miss something/am i misunderstanding something?#like is the guy having a sixpenceee moment here #or am i just misunderstanding context/history here?

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creation-help · 6 months

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Do you have an oc that you kinda wanna kill off but can't bring yourself to, for whatever reason?

#Oc asks #Oc questions #Oc stuff #Oc prompts #I just KNOW what people are gonna reply to this but hear me OUT #I have one who I sometimes just. Do not like. Like the oc feels too cliche and tropey and everything #And it'd be more interesting to kill them off #But I know that would mess up alot of story things #I don't hate this oc but sometimes I do. But the oc is still like. Kinda dear to me? Idk #Does anyone understand

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earl-grey-crow · 1 month

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it’s me, hi, I’m the white witch, it’s me

#this was such a good episode I'm basically head empty no thoughts #can you imagine what jacob went through?? like...who's getting the award for most traumatized #the way home hallmark #that moment between nick and alice in 2007 was...interesting #their whole dynamic is interesting because it's so messed up! it's not romanticized or whatever it's just messed up and it messes them up!#I can't believe this is a hallmark series not just because they're including something messed up like that but also because they've made a #a series that lowkey makes me want to lie on the floor #also nick found the notes HE FOUND THE NOTES OH MY WORD #they really went there! I was wondering if they were going to do anything with him being back and that's where they went!#I never would've thought they'd do that #the way kat and elliot were prepared to just drop everything and go to london #and the way kat is always falling into water and bleeding out #I feel like there has to be more to what happened at that party? because what happened doesn't really feel proportional to the big deal the #made out of it? idk #anyway yeah I think that was one of the best episodes of the season #earl crow ramblings

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beartes22 · 3 months

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Constantly thinking about how WWX thinks about JC how he thinks JFM thought about YZY but mostly as how he denied and yet carelessly commented JFM thinks (disregards) about JC

It is so, so, so fucked up and one of the reasons why chengxian is so doomed by the narrative bc no matter what JC does or says, WWX already "knows" what is about. Bc JC is his shidi and WWX knows best. And still, pre masacre, pre core exchange, it could have work. It could have, because they love each other so much but JC lost his core. WWX thinks he chose his parents. He thinks Jc choose the dead bodies of his parents, a filial duty, over survival, over him. And he never forgave Jc for it.

Bc now is WWX turn to assume the consequences of his shidi actions, now it is his turn to bear the pain for him. And he does not do it with reluctance, he does not, he does it bc he loves Jc so so much, but still. Still. The hurt it caused it. The hell it send to him. The hopelessness.

And then to see his shidi thrive were he can’t no longer. To see him shine when he is but a shadow. To see him reach for the impossible time and time again as if it was not WWX who never gave up before, who rallied his shidi over his (small, imagined, greedy) woes. To see all that and know envy, envy he had denied his whole life and envy he will repress into resentment, into sth useful bc WWX is not like yzy or Jc he is not, he does not hurt the ones he lives with his jealousy and sense of inferiority. Bc how can he not envy, when one says his dad doesn’t love him but he still has a dad? When one says he is not enough for his sect when he has such a inheritance, such a clear path at life. And WWX never cared never ever ever, how could he? He loved his shidi best, in spite of all the bad things.

And somehow, Jc himself is a thing he has to be loved in spite of. And it’s heartbreaking.

#but WWX never will say any of that aloud or even think it clearly #this man has been running form negative emotion like he’s sprinting his whole life #also that would make him the bad guy and WWX has enough guilt to carry and not talk about already try #also I love Jc and it shows sorry #this is not to say he is a perfect shidi or anything the man is a mess #but all his doubts about WWX character have it reason. it’s proof #and maybe the proof was forged but it was there #he does not deal with a single emotion gracefully but he does deal with them. he lets them simmer for eternity #which is. not ignoring them.#bad but at least real. idk how to say it.#anyway it fucks me up how much agency WWX denies Jc and how much complexity he refuses to see #like. WWX would do the impossible to make Jc the person who hates him irrationally so that he is not the bad guy in the relationship #(which is more complex than good or bad guys but I digress)#I love when they reconcile but I also hate it. bc it is never acknowledged how much WWX daily shits on Jc as a person)#you can love a person you don’t like. it happens.#but the Jc in WWX head is not the real Jc and the sad thing is that WWX loves the real Jc not the inherited prejudice from jfm #but he can’t perceive him he refuses to he can’t bc then he has to deal with what he did to him.#he lied. he lied. he lied to Jc’s (and himself) so much he can’t no longer distinguish the truth of them and is so fucking sad #mxtx #chengxian #grandmaster of demonic cultivation

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