#like im not defending anything mentioned in this post im just begging people to understand that the scope of bad media

[woomycritiques543]

TW: Mentions of suicide, rape, abuse, and online harassment. To continue on with the Dirgentlemen issue, this time with more evidence since im having to defend myself from the Hazbin "critics" in this fandom- for the thirtieth time!

Ive added more information (text wise) to the last post regarding Dirgentlemen's direspect towards my personal information and legal rights. Otherwise, I will not be further disclosing anything as I want no more involvement with this person or for the situation to get any worse. I provided my evidence, both here and on Twitter to put as much as I could into both the threads, and on here, I defended myself as much as I could from this much larger channel. Both saying "abuser language" and "innapropiate" not just being things that could get me into major legal trouble, but attempting to control the free speech of the public thread by saying how "innapropiate!" I was being for mentioning my own trauma, that he could have easily ignored and let me talk with that one fan about the representation in peace, but choose to harass me any way to along with telling me to "drop it!" in a conversation he started and one that I was begging him to stop doing so he doesnt cause me any further repuatational harm behind my back! But of course, he decided to continue the conversation anyway and thrown on further slander, along with harassment, for two whole hours until I finally got him to stop responding once he began to play the "victim" by telling me to "leave him alone!" after having harassed me and trying to put down my free speech and pushing me down for mentioning my traumas in a public area, the disrespect towards my reputation, refusing to drop the conversation for hours, let alone change the subject or stop harassing me, and it took me blocking him myself after there was enough evidence so I could finally leave and making me continue in order to do so by having as much evidence in both the threads and here as possible to protect my reputation, along with my legal rights due to his deframing and disrespect towards both my information and his disrespectful comments towards it, along with the overall harassment from "Dirgentlemen", in Twitter, on 3/13/23.

Again- the thread is likely still there, so you can see for yourself.

I have nothing to hide, and neither should have him by trying to hide what I was actually saying by trying to weaponize my trauma against my point to make it look like I "CANT!" mention serious topics in that Twitter thread in the first place. Trying to hide behind his status to silence me away from fighting for myself, the others in the community, and our representation and our right to say anything against how he is treating us, serious or not.

The toxic "positivity needs to stop, it's hurting people, what Vivziepop has been encouraging her fans to act, Dirgentlemen and all, is hurting people and it needs to stop before this gets any worse, and as someone who once tried to commit suicide because of being attacked back when I first joined here, before anyone actually ends up being killed knowing of how many others have tried to do the same, to make sure that things dont get any more out of hand. I know that I am not perfect, and that I have done things that I regret, but that's in the past, what matters is what I do now! -and I will fight for our representation within this community until I know that things wont get worse, till I know for a fact that this cultish behavior will die down and that many more fans within this fanbase can feel safe to fight for what they beleive in again, not just this fandom, but anywhere I go as long as im here, alive!

But for that... here's the thread.

This fan then apologizing after not reading through with what I said/ only reading the "abuse" and "r^pe!" part and unlike Dirgentlemen, actually treid to understand what I was saying.

Dirgentlem's first respond, see how he is speaking to me here in comparison to the fan who actually read my post? This also being a response to my intitial comment.👆

"There will be no harassment!" That proved to be a lie, didnt it Dir?

Again- notice how like Vivziepop, that he only responded to the merch comment, aka something he could put out of context?

Regular Helluva Boss stan (I know, funny how he said he "hated" stans for bullying him for his representation as a Italian, but somehow the representation that he doesnt want to admit is being misrepresented here is something to "cry about!" 10/10 Criticism you got there... /s) levels of emotional manipulation and gaslighting.

"I have experinced trauma too." Ok, then respect other people's wishes to have their free speech and just.... block me? Like you're telling me you were going to do but didnt because your ego here matters more than how the representation effects other people here, and also, if you dont want to talk about this... block me! Dont try to silence people away from mentioning things like this in the thread at all like you somehow own the entire thread. What the hell?! If you didnt want to talk to me about this, why respond to a thread mentioning it and go on for hours about how "innapropiate!" it is to mention things like this in a thread- that's public, while trying to use me mentioning my trauma, at all, as a excuse to try to silence me away from calling you out on your behavior and disregard towards other victims on the subject matter! If you didnt want to talk about it- dont, and just leave me alone and let me leave instead of continuing with your fruitless accusations! Literally using the fact that people shame others for mentioning subjects like this, using the shame we have to deal with from the public to your advantage to hide away from your own reckless behavior!

But... to continue:

(Again, continuing to try to use my personal information to silence me away from my free speech, and also trying to use this trauma to manipulate me away from telling him the wrongs of his behavior, all the while refusing to address anything about what I as saying about how he was treating other victims in the situation! Literally weaponizing my trauma to keep himself from addressing how he was treating me, let alone even mentioning any of my other points, literal emotional manipulation and using the stigma towards mentioning our stories to your advantage, which again, hurts other victims of sexual harassment! When again- if you didnt feel comfortable with talking about it, you could have left! But didnt because the real reason why you were doing this was to deframe me with the stigma against mentioning this kind trauma publically so you could silence me away from telling you how innapropiate and disespectful your behavior was!)

"YOU THINK THIS WAS ABOUT ME!? IT WAS ABOUT THE BAD WRITING NOT MY REPRESENTATION!" Actually yes, it is, and the fact that you're Italian and the way it effected your representation.

You all dont beleive me?

It's literally right here, why even lie if what you did is public?

It seems useless, oh wait! It is useless, because it's right here!

Nice try! But not enought to cover your tracks...

But back to what I was saying...

"You made it personal." Actually no, I mentioned something about my life, once, and then you decided to have a whole conversation about how "innapropiate!" it is to mention what happened to me, forcing the conversation into being personal for your benefit.

Again, nice try, but I can see through what you're doing here, and it is nothing short of inconsiderate, deframing, and slander!

But to continue... again.

Literally- Dirgentlemen... if that's even your name! Again, you were only focused on insulting and deframing me! No criticism, even after I asked you what I did wrong- YOU made it personal, and then tried to mention your autism as guilt tripping, to manipulate me into feeling "wrong" for saying how the reason I write this way is because I have autism and have a hard time expressing how I feel with little words while saying no criticism to find a way to write in any other way!

You Dir, did not care about "feedback" here, if you did, you would have given me feedback that I asked for instead of verbally beating me to the ground over and over and OVER again to fit your own egotistical, selfish narrative to benefit yourself in the situation and only yourself. No feedback, no mentions of my other points, just weaponizing my trauma to benefit yourself and how your audience see's you. Which is why you continuined to weaponize what I went through and lied to keep your repuatation near perfect instead of admitting to how you treated me was wrong. Dirgentlemen, you my freind, are a liar, manipulator, and a egotistical bully! The very things you accused me of being, and more, for your own benefit! Because like Vivziepop, you only cherry pick and lie without any sympathy besides what will make you look good! This isnt criticism, not even constructive criticism, this is bullying! Plain and simple.

Again, mentioning that he's also autistic to guilt trip me. when I literally was only saying "Hey, im autistic and need details on social interaction sometimes, can you get me any advice?" and he just responded with "IM ALSO AUTISTIC!" as if that somehow invalidates me from talking about my experinces in public, a place he could have left and let me communicate to others in at any time! The same kind of "im autistic so it's ok for me to be as ableist and assertive towards you!" kind of mentality bootlickers in our community have. With the overall entitlemen of "Im putting you down for mentioning your trauma publically to benefit me, a someone of higher status! Im this so you also being that, as someone of lower status gives you no right to tell me of what ive done because of how "innapropiate!" you are to me for mentioning this in public! I will not be held accountable and you will leave and not tell me anything of what ive done wrong, I can leave at any time, but I dont care because what matters is to use your trauma to make you feel wrong for telling me that im deframing you and diregarding your point by refusing to mention it! Your word on your representation in the situation doesnt matter here, which is why im using you mentioning your trauma to silence you!"

It honestly feels like he was trying to make me not say anything about the show's representation so he tried to choose something to make me look bad for what I was saying, even if it was to harass me for speaking about my personal experinces in public by pretending as if he "owned" the place and made it look like I was "harassing" him by mentioning things about my life with words such as "drop it!" or "leave me alone!" in the middle of harassing me! Let's face it, Dir was only mentioning things like this to deframe me for mentioning something about the show that he didnt want to admit was there- aka, the bad representation, forcing me to continue in order to post as much evidence as possible, trying to invalidate me away from talking about my experinces to VARIOUS PEOPLE (one of which, apologized to me for doing similar to what Dir did!) ! but Dir purpoesly ignored that part.) in a PUBLIC SPACE to deframe me away from criticizing anything about the show that he wanted to deny existed with the "CRY ABOUT IT!" and "BE HURT SOMEWHERE ELSE!" comments to try to shame me away from having my own free speech and how I felt about the show because GOD FORBID /s anyone there has a different opinion than him on these things since they should "cry about it!" if they do like im a piece of garbage rather than a human being to consider. Invalidating me away from my free speech, shaming me for mentioning that "Im a sa victim and what you just said invalidated my representation and how it effects me!" (aka: the FIRST time I mentioned my personal experince, and would have been the only one if he didnt keep harassing me about it!) and overall being highly disrespectful towards both me, my representation, along with my personal information, and being highly manipulative whenever I responded to his disrespect and using my personal information as an excuse to try to silence me away from commenting on said disrespect, despite the fact that he easily could have left and choose to keep responding to me.

"You came to me."

Actually no, I didnt come to you for you to just treat me like shit and use my trauma to manipulate me into not saying how i feel about your blatant deframing of my character. I didnt come to be shit talked, I came to speak of a type of representation and how you're disregarding said representation with your clout motivated "groundbreaking!" nonsense, and to receive feedback. None of which you did, because the concept of constructive criticism didnt matter to you, it was the clout, the validation. The same way most of you Hazbin "Critics" and "Reaction videos" try to get clout off of the franchise without having any care for how bootlicking for Vivziepop will effect other people. You didnt care, which is why you kept going instead of considering how you were treating me, the representation of thousands of people, along with anyone else who has gave critique about Helluva Boss's representation!

"Is this your big moment?" God, again with the narcissim! This time with how he felt that the only reason anyone would talk to him here is for his subscriber count, feeling as if he was "higher" than me for doing so, and not the fact that he was harassing someone over a fictional character, that again- doesnt even exist!

As for the "man child" comment:

I apologized, because I wasnt here to harm, I was here to critique, not to put out my personal life for an hour and to have to fight for my rights by trying to push back his slander, but to critique! Because I- am a writer, a critic, an artist, and a human being and I will not fall just because you and any of the disgusting "fanbase" cult! Which isnt even all fans of HB in the first place! There is no "true fans of Vivziepop!" Vivziepop's "true fans" are a online cult that worship almost every move she makes and harass, abuse, and threaten any of the "non belivers" of her supposed "perfection." and accuse "jealousy" of anyone who fights back from her lack of desire for healthy positivity, research, or any change at all! that I will not let exist without accountability and neither will anyone else trying to do something about this. Vivziepop doesnt just have a fandom, but a cult that she leads with her own manipulation and deceit, and I will not stand for people continuing to get hurt within our community from these people, or anyone being discriminated or harmed for that matter. Ever!

Again, everything that involved things he couldnt twist had no reply while anything that he could use to twist my words- did! Because Dirgentlemen, I dont even want to call you a "gentlemen" or "polite" anymore after how you treated me, so "Dir", only wanted to reply for anything that he could use to manipulate people into not seeing the wrongs of his behavior. Not critique, or feedback, but bullying!

There is many more things within this thread, so this will continue within a reblog. As for the last post, ive added both the detail on how saying that someone is using "abuser language" could cause legal harm, along with the comments on how I was being "innapropiate" for telling him that I didnt want to be spoken in a demaning or disrespectful way in regards to my representation and how Helluva Boss effects said rep.

- and for that, for now, Im done!

Goodnight.

#helluva boss #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical #helluva boss fandom

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

#eiypo

[crimsoncrown2]

Thoughts on MLB

First things first- we all have our opinions on the show. Some hate it, some like it, some are disappointed- ME.

I’m disappointed in the show because of a lot of things that happened in the last half of season two and season three. I’ll talk about it broadly here because I need to sort my thoughts properly but these are the b a s i c and m a i n things that disappointed me.

You can skip this post if you actually like to continue looking at MLB with rose tinted glasses and I’m not forcing you to read it but yeah. If you have anything to express, or if you want to defend against some points- I’m open to those as long as they’re polite. I don’t h a t e Miraculous Ladybug, it’s a good show and has a lot of potential- I just feel like it could’ve been better.

1.) The formula of the show is just repetitive now. It’s been- what, three seasons already. Usually by the third season there’ll be some development. Sometimes even by the middle or end of the second season but right now everything seems to be the s a m e.

2.) MARINETTE- What happened to her? The first season I can excuse her character cause we just newly met her. Second season was kinda fine and I could see a fair bit of development. THIRD SEASON?? HAHHAHA DEVELOPMENT WHERE YOU AT? She seems to just get creepier and stalkier the longer we see her. Not only that but her character continues to be increasingly annoying. Like, she can c l e a r l y talk to Adrien normally then she turns a 180 and she’s back to square one.

3.) Adrien, my child- where is y o u r character? To m e, he seems like a doormat almost. He’s ju s t th e r e most of the times. I’m not talking about Chat Noir but  A D R I E N. He’s so... conflicted and never settling on o n e thing. Like, my boy- choose and please stop being a kind piece of shit.

4.) The miraculous, just what is going on here? The Ladybug and Black Cat miraculouses are supposed to be this oh so powerful piece of jewelry that can bring upon the destruction of the whole world. Yet. Y E T- we have miraculouses that can literally send you anywhere in the whole world- thaT CAN TRAVEL BACK IN TIME BUNNYX IM LOOKING AT YOU FUCK-

5.) Hawkmoth, why the fuck are you not making a move yet? Yes, he’s been making akumas but he should’ve won b y n o w. Trial and error people-

6.) MAYURA IS JUST A CHEAP COP OUT OF HAWKMOTH’S POWER PLEASE, WHAT IS WR O NG  WITH THE MIRACULOUSES HERE???

7.) I don’t like Master Fu’s origin story. We were all hyped up to how Hawkmoth got his miraculous or how Fu lost it. Then we got Feast. Which, honestly? I didn’t like the story of how Fu handled everything. Actually, I don’t like the origins of the miraculous it’s stupid.So much potential but now it’s reduced to t h i s.

8.) What happened to Hawkmoth- no- Gabriel’s character? It’s switching between caring yet distant father to villainous father who doesn’t give a shit. What happened to the Gabriel that begged Adrien to transform just for the sake of not dying- What happened to the Gabriel who almost wanted to tell Adrien his long time secret of being Hawkmoth? Oh yeah, he went flying out the window the same time Chat Noir did in Chat Blanc. It’s like they’re alternating between a true evil villain and a sympathetic villain.

9.) WHY ARE THEY JUST GIVING THE MIRACULOUSES OUT LIKE CANDY? NOT TO MENTION TO FUCKING CHILDREN? I understand Marinette and Adrien getting the miraculous. Alya was also fine, same with Nino. Chloe was an accident but it was nice- for a while- but that’s it. Then, thEN THEY COTINUED GIVING IT?? LIKE?? Why can’t you just use it yourself?? Or fuse it cause that’s a thing apparently. 

10.) WHAT HAPPENED TO CHLOE’S DEVELOPMENTTTTTTT LIKE FUCK I WAS WAITING FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. I WANT E D IT TO HAPPEN. BUT WHAT DO I GET? I GET A CHLOE WHO THROWS EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW AND JOINS HAWKMOTH LIKE FUCKING H E L L. We already have Lila who’s the mean bitch and Hawkmoth’s little proxy, do we really need Chloe to stay the same? Like- LEgi t, Zombizou was the beginning to what looked like a compelling redemption arc but no, she went b a ck.

-Crimson

#miraculous ladybug #rant #disappointed #disappoinment #couldve been better #marinette #adrien #ladybug #chat noir #hawkmoth

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

#a collection of my dumbass tag rambles about the umbrella academy #for the ever lovely #hellomyguru #im definitely gonna be thinking of more pride hcs tho bc... Gay. #oooo i should make a post about my gender/sexuality hcs for all the siblings maybe?? ive seen other people do that and like.. i wanna share #but i also dont want to be eaten by people who disagree so... mayhaps not. #idk. #anyway. i knew i typed a lot in tags but uh... i wasnt aware of how bad it was. whoops? #mytuaposts

[moonprincess92]

you know i want all of the AUs!!! but especially that coffeeshop AU — with sprinkles of them becoming roommates and having to fake date for some mysterious reason. :D (but i‘d be happy with just the coffeeshop AU tbh.) but you know i love all of your AUs (stories in general) and love you! ❤️

it’s no coffee shop au, but i managed to do the other two - anything for you, girl! (also on ao3) 

Jyn was literally already halfway to her parent’s house when she got themessages.

JynnjYYYNNNNNfuck my life apparently danielle is getting marriedFUCKFKJGIN MARRIEDPLS ANSWER THIS IS AN OFFICIAL CODE BLUE

She’d only glanced at them as she drove, but upon seeing the forebodingDanielle’s name she immediately pulled over to read them through properly.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

She hastily texted back,

AREU FUCKING KIDDING ME TELL ME UR KIDDING 

Only two cars whizzed on by before he replied,  

I am NOT kidding, she’s fuckingannounced it on fb????

In the next second, Jyn was furiously pulling up said Facebook, searchingfor Danielle’s profile. She was technically still friends with the woman, butonly so that she could retain the prime stalking privileges that being Facebookfriends provided. If she could, she would have blocked and deleted herMONTHS ago, but Cassian had begged her to keep her around ‘just in case, Idon’t know, so I can avoid her I guess’. It didn’t take much scrolling. Themost recent post of hers was an engagement announcement to some guy she hadliterally never even heard of, complete with professional photo spread andcurrently over a thousand likes.

Out of spite, Jyn angry-faced it.

JUSTCHECKED, MATE U WEREN”T KIDDING

OF COURSE IM NOT KIDDING

Areu drunk yet????

I’m certainly on my way

Jyn sighed, staring at her phone. She’d been planning on meeting up withher parents for dinner for months now. With her living several cities away andtheir ever-increasing schedules, it was always hard to find the time… but thisparticular crisis called for significant action. She quickly texted Cassian oncemore,

Areu at home??

I am currently on the couch of pain,yes

Don’tmove, I’ve just left work, I’ll be there soon

Before she could receive the expected ‘no, no, you go see your familylike you planned don’t worry about me’ messages, she quickly called herparents.

“Hello?”

“Mama? It’s me,” Jyn said. “Look, I know we’ve had to reschedule thisdinner like three times now, and I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to make ittonight either.”

“What’s going on this time?” Lyra Erso sighed. 

“Cassian’s ex-fiancée has just announced that she’s engaged again.”

“Oh, shit,” Lyra said at once, any trace of disappointment instantly gone. “Seriously, Danielle?”

“You understand the gravity of the situation.”

“I thought they’d only just broken up?”                

“It was four months ago,” Jyn admitted. “But four months to get over athree year relationship, find someone else, fall in love, AND get engagedagain? Fuck her!”

“Jyn, go home, seriously,” Lyra insisted. “Make sure that boydoesn’t drown himself in the bathtub or something.”

“I think drowning in alcohol is more likely – thanks Mama,” Jyn said inrelief. “Can you explain to Papa?”

“Of course – OI, GALEN!” Lyra’s booming voice suddenly screeched down the other end of theline. “CASSIAN’S EX GOT ENGAGED AGAIN!”

“The girl who dumped him two weeksbefore the wedding? How dare she!”

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

Jyn figured to hang up then. It didn’t take long for her to hang a quicku-turn and swing back in the direction she had come from, but it was longenough to notice the ten or so new messages that had apparently been sentto her as she’d spoken to her parents.

“Don’t even start,” she said upon storming straight into theirapartment. “I was coming back no matter what you said, this is a Code Blue forsure.”

“Did I even use the right one? Which one was Code Blue again?” Cassiansaid in resignation. He didn’t even bother getting up from the sofa, where hewas currently laid splayed out with a half-empty bottle of wine sitting on thecoffee table next to him.

“Code Blue is ‘emotionally my life has gone balls up and I need you’,”Jyn reminded him. “Code Red is ‘I fucked up and need immediate assistance’. Wesave Code Black for ‘I’M DYING’.”

“I don’t know, I think this could be a Code Black as well, Jyn.”

“You’re not dying yet,” she snorted, snagging the wine as she sat downon the other end of the sofa, lifting Cassian’s legs out of the way anddropping them back into her lap. She peered at the bottle in her hand andasked, “Could you have bought a cheaper bottle of wine?”

“I wasn’t spending any more on her.”

“Fair point,” Jyn threw some back. Cassian gestured for her to pass itbetween them, but she shook her head before hastily drinking more. “No, no, Iclearly have to catch up here.”

“I’m not THAT drunk.”

“Try and get off this sofa.”

He glared at her for several moments.

“Case in point.”

Cassian groaned, flinging an arm over his eyes. “Honestly, how did I endup here?” he said and Jyn felt for him, she really did. When you knew someonefor nearly 10 years, you saw a lot of heartbreaks and aches. From when they’dfirst met as awkward 18-year-old’s, to now in their late twenties and honestlyjust trying to Adult without dying, the two of them had been there throughevery single disastrous relationship they’d ever had. She’d been therebefore, during and after the Danielle fiasco, and he’d been right at her sideas she’d slashed the tyres of every ex who’d ever cheated on her (tugging onher arm and practically begging that they leave before they get caught, but he’dstill never let her do it alone). There was little that they hadn’t donetogether, or that they wouldn’t do for each other, to be honest. She rubbed hisshin where it lay over her said,

“It’s gonna be ok.”

“IS IT?” Cassian pressed his fingers hard over his eyes. “I appreciatethe support but Jyn, she’s engaged. Three years apparently wasn’t even enough time to want to marry me,but four months and she’s more than happy to say yes to some other bastard? Whothe hell even IS that guy?”

“Cassian, we’ve established that Danielle is a flighty bitch who can’tdecide what she wants and you’re better off without her,” Jyn sighed. “Do Ireally have to beat it into your head again?”

“Probably.”

She leaned over and whacked him affectionately. Thing was, the nightDanielle had called off the wedding was still a very vivid memory, even allthese months later. Literally two weeks before the day, and he had turned upoutside her door out of the blue at one am. He had only been living in his newapartment with his fiancée for three weeks at that point and her first reactionhad been to think welp, SOMEONE’Sdead. Instead, he’d looked at her with an expression that she couldn’t readand had told her simply,

“Danielle left me.”

“… fuck,” she’d said in reply.

And she really hadn’t known what else to say, because what the hell elseCOULD you say? Cassian had been so dedicated, so ready to be married, so deeplyin love that the idea that Danielle had just casually told him one night, “Hey,so I don’t really think I’m ready for marriage, sorry this didn’t work out,”seemed unfathomable.

Jyn had held out her arms and Cassian had immediately walked into them.

“Can I move back in with you?” he had sobbed into her neck.

“Of course,” she’d said back.

“ANYWAY,” she said now. “I might make more jokes and hit you some more,but I’m honestly sorry, Cassian. This sucks.”

“Yeah,” he muttered through his hands.

“You can cry, I won’t judge,” she smirked.

“Fuck you,” Cassian was already attempting to smoother the tears that wereleaking through and she damn well knew it. “Honestly, this is just mostlyembarrassing. Everyone knows that we were engaged only four months ago, and sheapparently wasn’t ready for marriage then but she’s suddenly ready NOW? WHY,JYN? FUCKING WHY.”  

“Hey, only a handful of people know that’s why she left,” Jyn pointedout. “If anything, everyone will be judging her for getting engaged again soquickly! That help at all?”

“A little. But I haven’t even told you the worst part yet.”

“Christ on a bike, there’s a worse part?”

“Brace yourself,” Cassian took a moment to apparently pull up somethingon his phone. In the next, he was handing her the device apparently showing atext conversation between himself and someone with the name ‘DO NOTENGAGE’. 

Hey, Cassian idk if you’ve seen, butI’m getting married!! I’dlove for you to be there, of course it’s a little whirlwind hahaso we haven’t had time to send out official invites but it’s onsat 5th Aug in southlake tahoe. PLS come, I’d love to see youagain!!!! Xxxalso feel totally free to bring a plus 1 ;)  

Jyn was honestly kind of in awe.

“Say the word,” she declared, staring at the offending message. “I swearto god, just say the word and I will fucking END her.”

“I’m not quite at that point, but I’ll let you know if I change mymind.”

“You’re not going. I cannot BELIEVE she had the guts to inviteyou!”

“About that…” Cassian cringed.

Oh, motherfucking shitballs.

“You already said you’d go, didn’t you?”

“Well, if I don’t go I look petty and clearly not over her!” Cassianhastily defended himself, snatching his phone back off her before she couldread his no doubt ‘omg I’d love to!!’ messages (not to mention promptly hurlinga fist into his head as well). “So I said yes out of spite, only now I thinkI’ve backed myself into a corner. I can’t go, but I can’t not go either.” 

“Christ on a bike, Cassian." 

"I know." 

“Well, if you think you’re going alone, you got another thing coming,”Jyn pointed out, grabbing the wine. Blimey, even she needed it now. “You’reshowing this bitch one way or another that she doesn’t have a hold on youanymore.”

“I appreciate your furiousness on my behalf,” Cassian said. “but believeme when I say I am in absolutely no headspace right now to go out and find adate.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I get you,” Jyn said. “Good thing this isn’t just awedding anymore, this is a fucking war. You can’t just take anyone, you need to take someone that is going tomake a statement. Someone that people will talk about for MONTHS after. Youneed to take the one person in the entire world that would piss her off themost.”

“So… you?”

She started a little.

She hadn’t actually been thinking of herself, but now that he mentionedit, it was suddenly the perfect plan. Danielle had quite famously never exactlytrusted the over-half-a-decade of friendship between her and Cassian, despiteJyn having attempted to date several other people over the last three years andCassian being the most devoted boyfriend she thought she’d ever seen. Herand Danielle had always played nice of course and there had even beenmoments when Jyn had managed to bring herself to maybe kind of like her, butthere had always been an undertone to their every interaction that just made itclear that at the end of the day, Danielle Livesay hated Jyn Erso’s guts andprobably always would.

There was no one else Cassian could possibly take that would annoy hermore.

“Yes, me,” Jyn said. “I’m serious, you take me as your date and Daniellewill flip her fucking LID, it will be perfect!”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“Good thing you’re not asking then,” Jyn declared. “I’m insisting andit’s decided. You got yourself a fake girlfriend! For the record, I’ll cuddleyou and give you a few kisses if she’s looking in our direction, but no tonguestuff ok?”  

Cassian just shook his head, trying not to laugh.

“You’re the fucking best, Jyn.”

“Of course I am. Now drink more wine, this is gonna be a longnight.” 

Of course the wedding was in fucking Lake Tahoe.

Last minute AND destination, Danielle was basically guaranteeing thatthe only people who would come were either only interested in a weekend away orwere the only ones who had no plans. Cassian’s jaw had been clenched basicallyever since they had left their apartment Friday afternoon, but steadily gotworse the closer they got to stepping inside the hotel for the ceremony.

“What do I say to her, whatdo I say–” he hissed frantically under his breath as they approached the nodoubt bloody expensive hotel. She insisted that he chill the fuck out, onlythat resulted in him shutting up and staying deathly silent instead.

"God, you’re not making this easy, mate,” she pointed out.“I think I liked it better when you were talking, I could at least tell ifyou were still alive or not.”

He just let out a strangled squeak. 

“Hey,” she said,reaching out and gripping his hand tightly, their fingers interwoven together.She brought them to her chest, holding him there and making him look at her.“Cassian, I get that this hurts but don’t make it about that. You can hurttomorrow, make tonight about revenge. Hold onto that feeling instead. We’llmake out in front of her a little, and then go and get smashed at the bar.Deal?” 

He nodded faintly. 

They were purposefully a little late to the ceremony, just to furtherprove the point that they didn’t actually give a fuck. They were quicklyushered in amidst some irritated looks from Danielle’s family. Jyn did noticethat only one of Danielle’s three sisters had apparently bothered to show up,and yet it seemed that nearly everyone from her office had taken the trip justto take advantage of the open bar later. They took up an entire row, lookingbored and passing a hip flask subtly between them.

Danielle naturally looked fucking stunning in her dress, and Jyn wassuddenly very glad that Cassian had insisted on tradition and not seeing itbefore their own wedding because turns out she was literally wearingthe exact same dress. Out of all the things to piss her off, Jyn had honestlythought it would be something more extreme, but nope. Apparently, a dress didit! That fucking dress, the one that had to be altered three times,that Jyn had helped her pick out, had reassured over manycomplimentary glasses of champagne that she looked beautiful in and thatCassian would love it, only to just turn around and use it to marry someoneelse instead… fuck her. Her husband-to-be looked kind of in shock, honestly, like hedidn’t quite know what he was doing up there in front of all these people.

Really, she knew the feeling.

Luckily, their strategic lateness meant that they had missed half theceremony, so they didn’t have to sit through too much of the gushing ‘I loveyou’s. They only caught the tail end of it, Danielle tearing up as she spokeher vows.

“Oh my god, I’m going to ruin my make-up,” she said, gaining some politelaughs. “Oh, Derek. Honestly, I don’t even know how to finish this. I thought Iknew what love was before we met, but turns out I had no idea. I am so, solucky that I found you and get to spend the rest of my life with you. I loveyou.”

Jyn glanced over at Cassian briefly as the vows wrapped up.

She had never seen the man go white before, but he was white as a sheetnow.

“I’m so glad that’s over,” he ended up grumbling through champagne onlya little while later. Thankfully, the reception was in full swing and honestly,it was almost worth all the emotional pain this weekend was so far causing justfor the sheer elaborance of it all. The dinner had been fucking amazing, and the vinyl windows had all beenrolled up to expose the ballroom to the open air and natural lakeside view.Lanterns criss-crossed the ceiling and with a DJ pounding out cheesy pop dancesongs, it was easy to get lost in a sea of alcohol and forget the whole‘getting married four months after getting dumped’ thing.

“I’m still pissed that she hasn’t even come over to talk to you yet,”Jyn pointed out. “What kind of fucking host doesn’t even talk to all theirguests? It should be easy, there’s only about thirty of them who even botheredto come!”

“Honestly, I’m fine with it.”

“Honestly, I’m not,” Jyn said. “I wanna show that bitch a piece of mymind.”

“God stop talking, stoptalking, I think she’s watching us,” Cassian suddenly panicked, spluttering onhis drink as he hastily turned around. “You’re jinxing it!”

“She’s looking?”

“From the high table, I accidentally caught her eye!”

“Perfect,” Jyn reached out and wrapped her arms around Cassian’s waist.He didn’t raise an eyebrow, however, until she started running her hands up anddown his back, clearly something she didn’t usually do when hugging him andalso obviously in Danielle’s line of sight.

“Jyn…” he sighed.

“Come on! Is this not why you brought me?”

“I’m starting to re-think the idea, to be honest, she’s going to knowit’s not real, that I’m just a hopeless loser who brought his roommate as adate to his ex’s wedding–”

“Shut up, that’s just her getting into your head,” Jyn insisted. “Workwith me, here.”

Cassian sighed… before leaning forward and pressing his nose into herneck. “That’s it,” she grinned. It wasn’t quite the statement she was goingfor, but it would work for now at least. From this angle, it would look like hewas kissing her exposed neck and shoulder, and she purposefully turned ever soslightly so that her face could be seen from the high table.

Sure enough.

“Oh my god, she’s coming over.”

“Shit–” Cassian nearlyspilled champagne down her back.

“Don’t stop kissing me!”

“I’m not kissing you, remember–”

“Well, maybe you should be, because we got about twenty seconds beforeshe’s here–”

He cut her off with a sudden kiss that was just on the side ofdesperate, but she didn’t care. Honestly, she’d had worse kisses before andwith worse people. She didn’t even have long to make a spectacle of it sincebarely a second later Danielle was upon them, calling out and forcing themapart.

“Cassian! Jyn! Shit, guys, thank you so much for coming!”

“Oh, Dani,” Jyn said, cheerfully. “It’s no problem.”

“The journey wasn’t too bad?”

“Nah, we road tripped it,” Jyn carried on talking, seeing as it seemedthat Cassian had been deemed temporarily speechless. As well as she knew herbest friend… really, she didn’t know at all what he was currently thinking.Hell, she wasn’t even sure if he was even out of love with Danielle yet. Like,properly and everything. He was clearly not over her, as anyone rightfullywould be, but the man had been in love with her for three goddamn years. Thatwasn’t something you could just turn off overnight.

(Jyn knew. She had tried once.) 

So she kept an arm slung around Cassian’s waist and chatted away aboutmostly meaningless things for a while until he could get his bearings (and histongue) back. Eventually, he managed to cut in over the conversation with arather strained and out of the blue,

“You – great! The ceremony was great!”

Danielle blinked a little, but otherwise carried on like normal. “Thanksso much,” she smiled daintily. “Hey, honestly it’s just good to see you guysagain! It’s been too long and apparently,” Jyn noticed her gaze harden just slightly around the edges. “I’vemissed a lot.”

“I s’pose there is a lot to catch up on,” Jyn noted. “Bodhi says hi, bythe way, and Kay says you can go something anatomically impossible.”

“Oh, Kay. He never gets old,” Danielle blatantly lied. “Not that I don’tLOVE your friends, but I was actually talking about you two! Like holy fuck,when did it become a thing? It’s so exciting!”

Her tone made it clear that it was not something to be excited about atall, but Jyn feigned the same enthusiasm anyway.

“Oh, it’s pretty recent,” she glanced at Cassian for help confirmingtheir made up story. They had spent their eight hour car journey here creatingit and honestly, it she had thought it worthy of an Oscar or two at one pointbefore they’d forced themselves to tone it down a bit.

“Hold up, hold up,” she had said somewhere around Yosemite NationalPark. “The key to a good lie is simplicity. The more dramatic, the more detailsyou have to remember, the less believable it becomes. You’re a decent bloke,but not even Danielle is going to buy that you surprised me with a weekend awayto Paris.”

“But I was going to photoshop us some photos and everything,” Cassianhad mock-complained.

“Maybe we save that story for when Danielle ultimately invites us to herthird baby shower,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go with the ‘we hooked upwhile watching a movie one night’ story.”

“But that one’s boring.”

“Are you kidding? It’s not boring at all,” she had insisted. “If anything,it’s the most romantic shit I’ve ever heard! I mean it’s two best friends andflatmates who have known each other for years taking a chance one night andhaving it pay off, like this is fucking romcom gold.”

“Ok, fine,” Cassian hadrelented.

She might have also thought of pitching the entire thing to Hollywood,but that wasn’t the point to be focusing on here. Danielle was still standingin front of her, impatiently waiting to hear some epic-worthy tale that couldpotentially rival her own and considering the expression that was currently onCassian’s face, Jyn knew that she was gonna have to be the one to tellit. She could practically see the man internally spiralling.

“So it just happened then, huh?” Danielle said through a strained smile.

“Yeah, one night we were watching a movie together,” Jyn quickly threwback. “Just something dumb, but it got us thinking and it was like… I don’tknow. A switch getting flicked somewhere. Next thing we knew, we were athing and we basically never looked back.”

She glanced up at Cassian. She was a little thrown to realise that hewas no longer staring at Danielle in utter distress, but now watching her. Shewasn’t ridiculous enough to insist that the story wasn’t a nice one to thinkabout – was there really anything more ideal than falling for someone youalready knew so well? Someone that you didn’t have to worry about annoying ormaking a good impression with, because they had already seen you at your 4amworst and didn’t care? – but imagining pretend scenarios wasn’t exactly goingto get you far in life. How bad would it be if she let herself indulge for aweekend? No matter how unhealthy it probably was, she wanted to pretend atleast for a little while that she had her life sorted.

(A part of her hoped that Cassian might be willing to pretend a bitlonger too).  

“You know, I knew it,” Danielle hastily cut in. “I don’t know how, but Ialways knew it was you two! OMG, you’re like a movie or something!”

“You know, we had that exact same conversation on our way here,” Jynsaid, pulling back to give Cassian a pointed look.

“Well then,” Danielle’s smile was definitely edging into painfulterritory now, but that was what Jyn was hoping for. “I guess I’ll, erm–”

Jyn didn’t let her answer. She reached up and threaded a hand intoCassian’s hair, ignoring Danielle completely as she hauled him into her body.Danielle’s words died off immediately as Jyn kissed him with edge, with armswrapping around his neck and with that kind of energy that suggested that theywere only minutes away from pushing each other up against the gifts table.Honestly, she forgot the wedding, the people and the ex-girlfriend for amoment. All she knew was the inside of Cassian’s mouth and the things itwas doing to her.

Danielle hovered awkwardly for the entire five minutes it took her tofinally realise that they weren’t surfacing anytime soon.

“Well, see you guys around then!” she eventually trilled.

“–oh fucking lord,” Cassian gasped, pulling away once she was out of theirline of sight. “Oh fucking LORD, we just did that. She just did that. Am Idead?”

“Not yet.”

“I thought you said no tongue?”

“I don’t bloody know, ok?” Jyn said exasperatedly. “By the time Irealised, I had already committed. Kill me all right?”

“Nah, nah, I mean,” Cassian coughed, avoiding her eye. “the tongue wasgood.”

Honestly, a part of her wanted to simply laugh back the tongue was good? but something shot through her at his words. Maybe it was theawkward way he said them, maybe it was the fact that she could still feel himagainst her mouth, but either way something choked her throat and settled inher chest. When she looked up at him she felt her face growing hot.

Blimey.

“Jesus Christ, this was an insane idea,” he added, hastily.

“Well, we can’t go back now,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “C’mon, mate.Let’s go dance.”

(An hour later, she was still ignoring whatever it was that was in herchest).

Neither of them claimed to be good dancers, but the open bar surehelped. “Honestly, the drunker we get the better,” Jyn had added at one point,seeing as every good wedding had to be ruined by at least someone who got toodrunk to function and eventually rounded off the night with throwing up into anewly gifted vase. Traditionally, the more she and Cassian drank, the more theyembarrassed themselves and the equation only got higher when you added the twoof them together.

It was the perfect combination, really.

“CAN YOU PLAY WEIRD AL’S AMISH PARADISE?” she had screamed at the DJ atone point. “THAT’S THE SONG WE FIRST HAD SEX TO!”

“IT WAS?” Cassian had yelled back.

“JUST GO WITH IT, BABE.”

And so the last hour had resulted in many, many dances to increasinglywedding-inappropriate songs that had the guests roaring with laughter andDanielle no doubt fuming at. Jyn’s memory admittedly got a little fuzzy aroundthe fifth (or maybe sixth?) champagne, but she certainly did remember wrappingherself around Cassian and sloppily making out on the dance floor to the sultrytunes of Big Sean’s ‘I don’t fuck withyou’.

Somewhere between the sixth and seventh drinks, they discovered thephoto booth in the foyer, complete with little basket of novelty props. A largecanvas was mounted on the wall next to it, currently half full with photostrips of varying wedding guests wearing miniature hats and sunglasses. ‘Please help us make our night memorable!’ a small note read above it and Cassian had gotten the idea thistime.

“I’m going to hell for this… but Jyn, would you please make out with mein the photo booth?”

“It’d be my fucking pleasure,” she had declared.

She was still laughing about it afterwards. Their photos they hadpurposefully posted right in the middle of the canvas, complete with thescrawled message of ‘thnx 4 inviting us!’. She had lost Cassian however during a trip to the bathroom, and shetried to not make it too obvious that she was staggering back into the hall,clinging onto the nearest table to stay upright. He wasn’t waiting where shehad left him, and couldn’t see him anywhere near the dance floor. For a moment,she panicked that he had somehow tracked Danielle down somewhere and was busybegging for her back, but no, Danielle was accounted for, currently making therounds and chatting to all of her guests. She caught her eye and Jyn mock wavedwith a grin, only to turn it into a curse when the woman apparently took it asher cue to come over.

“Fucking Jesus, Dani, I’m not drunk enough for this–” she whined.

Danielle stomped to a halt in front of her. The charade was gone. Allpleasantries left at the door. This was the bitch underneath the smiles and shewas apparently not humouring her anymore.

“What is your problem?” she snapped. “Why are you intent on ruining mywedding?”

“Hey, you fuckin’ invited me.”

“I invited Cassian,” she reiterated. “If I’d known he’d be bringing you, I wouldn’t havebothered.”

“Why did you bother, though?” Jyn tried very hard to keep track of theconversation. It was difficult when one could barely stand upright. “I mean,you broke his fucking heart, wasn’t that enough? Did you really have to stompall over it, too? Who the fuck even does that?”

“Oh, like you have literally ANY idea–”

“I see you didn’t answer the question–”

“I never meant to hurt him,” she suddenly bit out. “It wasn’t as if I wanted to cancel my own wedding twoweeks before! No one wants to fucking do that, but I was getting married forall the wrong reasons. Sure, it might’ve helped if I figured out howimmature and insecure I was being a bit earlier, but sorry that I’m a dumbass bitch whotook my sweet time, ok?” 

Jyn just stared at Danielle. It really wasn’t the story she had beenexpecting, but maybe it should have been. At the end of the day, Daniellewasn’t a bad person. She was certainly an annoying person, a self-centred andmanipulative person, but never bad. There was a woman in there that Cassian Andor had managed to fall inlove with after all, one that she had reluctantly called a friend. She wasstill in there.

That was good enough for her.

“Ok,” she said, simply.

Danielle nodded before taking the champagne glass out of Jyn’s hands anddraining it herself. “I am happy for you guys, by the way,” she insisted.

“You don’t have to–”

“Nah, it’s fine,” she gave a strained smile. “Honestly, maybe anotherreason I left breaking it off so late is because a part of me was secretlyhoping he would do it first.”

“Why in the hell would he have done that?”

“Because of you,” Danielle shrugged.

She found him outside.

Sat on the steps that led from the ballroom out onto the rolling lawnsof the hotel grounds, his back was only a silhouette but she knew it was him.She clung to the handrail until she could throw herself down beside him,nudging his shoulder lightly. “Hey,” she said. “you disappeared.”

He drew in a shaky, rattling breath, and it was only then she realisedthat he had been crying.

“Oh, fuck,” she said at once.

“I’m fine, Jyn.”

“No you’re not, you’re – oh,god –” She was ill-equipped to deal with emotions on her best of days! Whenshe was drunk, she may as well pat him on the head and say ‘there, there’ forall the good she could do. But still, this was Cassian so she had to try. Shewrapped both her arms around his, hugging it to her body and resting her headagainst his shoulder. Cassian sniffed loudly, rubbing a sleeve across his face,but thankfully not shoving her off. She stayed quiet until eventually, hecalmed down.

“This was supposed to be mine.”

She stayed staring off into the grounds, squeezing his arm tighter.

“All of this, Jyn. The wife, the wedding, the lifetime spent togetherforever, this was supposed to be mine. Where the hell did it all go wrong?”

“It’s not your fault,” Jyn murmured.

“Isn’t it? How did I not realise?” he said. “Honestly, there must havebeen warning signs, things that I ignored or something, because no one just dumps you twoweeks before your wedding out of the blue like that.”

 “I just spoke to her,” Jyn mentioned. “Well, I say I spoke to her,it was more like she cornered me… but she said some things. Do you want me totell you?”

He shifted a little and she knew he was glancing down at her. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jyn, I need to know why she did this.”

She took a deep breath. “She said she realised she was getting marriedfor the wrong reasons. She did love you, but she mentioned the words immatureand insecure, so I’m guessing she only said yes to getting married because itwas the way to hold onto you… maybe she didn’t quite grasp the finality of itall until it hit her…”

Cassian sighed.

“She also mentioned me.”

FUCK.

She hadn’t meant to say that part. Hell, she still didn’t really knowhow to process that particular statement herself, that part was supposed to beburied and ignored for the rest of their given lives! Christ in heaven, youcouldn’t even give drunk her one job! She had no idea what to say to try anddefuse the situation (or even if anything COULD be said) and so she ended upstaying silent, her grip on his arm loosening a little.

When she tried to pull away, he grabbed her hand in the dark and pulledher back, holding it tight.

“Ah, well,” he was apparently going to laugh it off. “We always knew shedidn’t like you.”

“Dunno why,” Jyn said. “I’m a splendid bitch.”

“Look, please don’t think I blame you–”

“Nah, nah, shut up,” Jyn quickly waved past it. “Either way, are you oknow?”

“I’m far from ok,” Cassian mentioned. “but at least I think I’ll be ableto get over it. Someday.” 

“Good. Now let’s go bail early to piss her off one last time.”

“Sounds perfect.” Cassian was the first to move, heaving himself up onthe handrail before turning back to her and offering out a hand. Jyn stillwasn’t quite sure what exactly had gone down between them thisevening. More than a nothing, but less than a something… it waslike the idea of the two of them had simply been dangled teasingly infront of her nose and for the first time in her life, she was actually thinkingabout what it would be like to grab it. Jyn felt that undercurrent thatDanielle had always been so afraid of, the one that was currently thrummingbetween them, and the thoughts simultaneously terrified her and thrilled her…

(But they’d be fine. Tomorrow was a new day, and they would wakeup and this would all be fine). 

She took his hand.

“Thanks for doing this with me, by the way,” Cassian mentioned in thecar on the way home. 

“What, ruining your ex’s wedding for you?”

“Yeah, that,” he snorted. “We never mention the amount of kissing we’vedone to either Bodhi or Kay, by the way.”

“Oh, you can count on it,” Jyn said.

#rebelcaptain #ro fanfic #my fanfiction #LOOK I WROTE WORDS ASJDSJFD WHAT IS THIS #pls reblog me lol