#like im rlly close to just doing it

[bastardlybonkers]

science rulez

#hlvrai #half live vr but the ai is self aware #dr coomer #bubby #uhh bubbys design is p inspired by alieryns design for him in their wanna kiss animatic #i just rlly love the way they drew him lol idk if its close enough that i gotta give credit to the inspo but it probably is so im doing it #tommy coolatta #hlvrai darnold #im working on a gordon rn but i wanna post him on his own #this was originally just gonna be a tommy page but then i drew coomer with a gun and i was like #guess i gotta draw the whole science team now

[obsob]

i never post my jus black n white of these so. here is the pencils for a lament for icarus redraw!! im excited to colour this. nothing gets me going like a warm colour palette 

#mine #if i was icarus i simply wouldnt fly too close to the sun #i lov doing these so fun #like brain 0 thoughts i just see and draw its so relaxing #im aware his leggies look weird but they just do. its just like that #hes got rlly skinny legs baby u gotta work those out too #ive never drawn muscle torso before i actually did okay i think hehe #i was. distracted whilst doing it #i had to crop it bc i didnt want to draw his weird lumpy feet but i drew the nymph at the bottom like rlly well #i did her back real good #GOD im so excited to colour this im losing it okay okay #i should have. lunch. i think my mother has eaten all the bread >:( #i need to get room snacks!!!! room sncacks #did i tell u i started taking probiotic vitamins like gut health ones my GOD #when i first saw the packaging i was like does this have 16 BILLION live cultures in it. no it does not #i want to eat 16 billion bacteria #i feel like that would equal ur daily calorie intake. equivalent of eating a small dog #we walked dog yesterday n we had a hire car so i had to have him on my lap hes so wiggly #anyway i will colour this soon n post it eheheheheh gna make icarus trans

[silenthillbunni]

.

#idk i just.. sometimes i wonder if i can be loved the way i love #bc like my love is adaptable nd persistent nd patient nd it encloses disappointment nd flaws nd obstacles #it closes around it nd changes shape. it's there nd it's solid yet adapts when it needs to #other ppl's love is so demanding nd is built on expectations nd perfection #if u dont live up to every single expectation their love just shrinks nd fades away #maybe it is connected to like... i dont rlly love ppl for what they can give me or do for me. or what they can fill or provide etc etc #i love ppl simply bc i love them. who they are. etc etc #so ig sometimes i dream abt being loved how i love... im just me. nd disappointments nd flaws nd my brokeness is there but the love doesnt #evaporate bc of those things... #my love is fierce nd wont back down without a fight. it's hard to kill. it isnt fragile built on flimsy foundations nd cant be blown up easy

[wakanai]

.

#i feel so isolated #i can talk to people #but it's hard for me to find someone i can genuinely connect with #hard for me to converse in interesting conversation with people i find interesting #i was in a group setting a while ago #talking w “friends” (not close friends; but still 'friends') #it was ok #the thing is #i don't particularly like my friends #like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa #it's most likely a 'me' thing #i think its because of a lack of communication skills that its hard for me to find connection/make friends that i rlly like and etc #ironically the friends i do like are always extroverts and i always feel like i care more about them than they do #because they have sm friends whom they're close to and genuinely connected with meanwhile i struggle with even making 1 connection that #doesn't drain me/makes me happy/keeps me stimulated #so when i do find that 1 person i become attached and want to be closer to them #and when that happens idk i remind myself that they dont care for me as much #and i try not to be too clingy so as not to annoy them #i want to be closer to them though. we have our own friend groups but still #school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school #there's only a few people in class that i enjoy talking to #the only one (the 'main' one) that's my friend is the extrovert i mentioned a while ago #and for some reason im getting flashbacks or trauma from my past friendship #because as of now we're just classroom friends #and in my past friendship. i was also invested in that homegirl. but..we drifted apart T-T #its quite sad #i feel lonely #i want to be better at bond making and connections because #its miserable #vent

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe I need to go thrifting and overhaul my wardrobe sososo bad

#the duality of fran #yes im whining and being vain at work #but like. im just. burdened with guilt abt clothes for various reasons #and i would rlly feel better about life and myself if i dressed the way i wanted #i miss being close to things! i want to pop into thrift stores on a whim and find perfect pieces and be me #im tired of making do with things given to me that i feel obligated to make use of. or that dont sit right #or that are hyperfeminine and never my style anyway #where are the earth toned masc clothes for short broad hipped round tummy people #i did round 1 of a purge this weekend. if im still feeling antsy ill do round 2 tonight #problem is i always feel guilty and end ip keeping shit i know i wont wear #i have to. kondo it. in the sense of. does this spark joy #at least for my clothes. its the only way to fight the brain guilt #no i do NOT want this sundress in fact if it were up to me i wouldnt own more than 1 summer and 1 winter dress #that's it!! where are my fuckin pants and button ups

[lycanthian]

i need to fuckign explode

#i need to talk tohim i need to talk to him i need to talk to him i need to tlak to him but i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaant bc im too scared of that lol #it was on my mind two months ago it was on my mind a month ago and its on my mind now and it is driving me insane #bjt k dont want to say what it is because thats a can of worms of potential for people to Know i dont want #so glad the guy in question is locked out of tumblr and the other guy involved barely looks at tumblr #only fucking place i can get this thought out even vaguely #i need to talk to both of them bt i cant because i feel like i will die trying to. heart attack on the spot #as much as i dont want him to i hope he gets a notif for this and asks me sbout it #even though theres no way hed knownim specificslly talking abt him #bc at leas that way it spares me the fucking nightmare kf bringing it up to someone #and its like. objectively not s problem #if i just used my words and talked it out it would be done so fast.but the problem is even though i talk to both of them so much #the thought of talking to them abt this specific thing scares me so bad that #i think if i sent a text about it i would close discord snd not open it for 2 years #sighghhggggghhghgghhhggh ive been rlly good abt not venting on tumblr lately bc i didnt like doing it in the first plsce but #there is literally nowhere else for me to complain about this in a spacethat i am comfortable complaining sbt it in #that does not include one of the affected guys #lycan howls

[ectonurites]

almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

#super dark times #+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse #after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next #there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him #touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made #to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh. #and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! #this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being #like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD. #YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that #there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh... #[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was #straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE #also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides #at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make #sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house #anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all #to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the #initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me. #in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)

[stargarland]

question in the tags ugh sorry for complaining

#for context. #it’s graduation in may right #and my roommate and his family rlly want all of our families to get together #but like… bro i haven’t seen my family in almost 6 months and i won’t see them until december again #i live across the country from my home and siblings and my dad is leaving after grad weekend to live in a dif country #and i won’t see them for another 6 months IF IM LUCKY #so respectfully i want to spend the rare time i get with my family actually with them and ive told him this but apparently not clear enough #and i feel so rude and liek i come off being like i don’t want to hang out with ur parents #but … IDK i’ve softly been like no❤️ but it’s a hard situation what do i Do #like i miss my family man i rarely get to see them #and i don’t expect him to understand like his family lives close by and we just come from dif experiences but UGH IDK

[chipjrwibignaturals]

THOUGHT ABT CHIP JRWI INCIDENT 40 DEAD 32 WOUNDED

#im so fucking far behind so I feel like I can’t rlly say shit #bc either its shit I’ve already said or abt events I haven’t witnessed myself #so I can’t like. give MY take im going off second hand info anyway #idk I just. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!! #he’s so selfish and selfless and all he really wants is to protect and love #forever some part of him is stuck as that little boy on the black rose #whether it’s in his desire for family and crew or even just his… simple urge to do good for goods sake that children have #before hard reality and Reuben and the streets told him to keep to himself and only care abt him and his #idk I just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya #it took gillion beating the shit out of him for that selfish shell to break #for him to realize like. hey. you’re impacting the ppl you interact with and you’re being a *dick* #and after we see him care more not just for his crew (like keeping his promise to gillion to not lie or just trying to know them better) #but like. signing for la alma. giving up grimms magic to revive people. stealing from royalty to give to an orphanage #loffinlot chip just… WOULDNT do that. it wouldn’t help him and just puts him at risk. just ignore it keep your head down and leave. #and even WITH that growth he’s still got that selfish streak— in the most positive sense of the term #him turning down Lizzie’s army offer in joaldo is him prioritizing those close to him over the needs of the many #(versus with Grimm doing what serves the most— self-sacrifice is easier to swallow) #anyway. tumblr mobile stopped showing my last tags like 7 lines ago so im stopping here just. #know that fucker is rotating in here again.

[marblerose-rue]

i havent drawn my kitty in so long so here r some doodles ^_^

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #do i or do i not have a kaden tag . or an oc tag its been so long #IM . IM SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER cries into a paper bag (NOT RLLY its been going well) #(i am just tired and cant wait for this summer) #this is just for me teehee i havent done smth like this in a while #i am going to bed goodnight!!!

[hexados-on-a-string]

spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.

#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me #its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying. #its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through #its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them #i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway #something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else #its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and #im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts #anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them #ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously #but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free. #i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me #i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me #idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst #they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much #i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT #also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon #who is also one of my favourite characters ever #and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool #im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but #i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus #anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially #i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy

[silenthillbunni]

i think the reason i always feel so lonely is bc rlly all i want is a romantic relationship that is kinda co-dependent but we love eo nd it works for us. idc that it's generally considered toxic. that's what i need nd want. like i do want to experience nd go thru life w someone always by my side. i need someone close to me all the time to seek quiet, verbal nd physical comfort nd reassurance from. i need to share the burden nd horrors of life w someone else. have their warmth nd closeness be an anchor for me.

#nd it wouldnt get 'too much' bc im actually not like that #i can be content w the same thing for sooooo long. thats comforting to me #nd like to have this we wouldnt need to be attached to the hips or anything. we could be in different rooms or go for a walk alone or whatev #but rlly i want someone to spend most my time w. i want someone where the love makes us want to be close even if we're silent #nd not doing anything. being alone yet together #there r prob lots of psychological reasons for this but honestly i dooont caaare #i want a comfortable life im sick of being scared. nd i dont want to be 'brave' or push myself to live how others want #idk.... i also think this would be realistically possible for me bc im not a person who fights lol #like i just dont. if im in a bad mood i say im in a badd mood i need to be quiet nd thats that. i can coexist without causing friction #but yeahhh it's (part of) why i constantly feel alone. this is what i need to feel truly satisfied nd nothing else can soothe it #📓💭

[astrxealis]

my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY #I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G #UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY! #i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades #down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND #things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad #just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot #and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy #bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class) #and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care #for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better #and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself #I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing #yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD #im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^

[divorcetual]

The meower

#Queued... technically March 23rd? #I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz #either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total #well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but #ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!! #Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong #Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !! #Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic #atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK? #I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig #I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later #Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho #and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab #ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho #ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE?? #augh soo many cool things..... #Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana? #ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too? #I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC?? #I started it and got abt one page done on the plane #I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk #Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all? #I hope soooooooooooo #Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE?? #i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^ #Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U #queue drop #weather report #WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT

[hella1975]

i never considered how brave my neurotypical flatmate is for willingly choosing to live with two diagnosed ADHD flatmates but she was out all last night in nottingham leaving the two of us alone and it was HELL we were just going back and forth over what to do bc we both wanted to do SOMETHING but neither of us knew what like we were pacing and shouting at each other and then it went quiet for a while before my flatmate completely seriously just went ‘…. we could try acid?’ like there was no impulse control to speak of my flatmate took it to nottingham with her

#like yk that horrible adhd feeling when you KNOW you need to do something like ur skin is practically crawling with the need for it #but you can’t think of anything and all the piercing shops are closed #it was like that but squared bc me and my flatmate both got hit with it at once #and we’ve not rlly spent time together ALONE when we’re both like that for ages now #so we were both just like ‼️‼️ARGHHHHH‼️‼️ #and usually we’re quite compatible BECAUSE we get it bc one will have this feeling and the other will come up with normal shit to do #like go to the cinema or the bars or something to Satiate The Urge without doing something extremely dangerous and out of character #BUT WE WERE BOTH OUT OF ACTION AND MY FLATMATE ABANDONED US TO IT #we did not do acid dw <3 I did think I was going to murder my flatmate in cold blood tho #and now I feel really restless so im gonna go out and hopefully not spend all my money on pointless shit for no reason #hella goes to uni

[pirateboy]

sorry gonna get personal for a second I don't think anything someone has said to me in recent history has hurt me so much as my ex boyfriend saying he didn't think I felt the full range of human emotions........ ow

#having had time to think it over yh ik it was a stupid and completely wrong statement #im autistic so yh my emotions and how they present are irregular. but that doesnt mean they're not there!!! #but also like. it just made me feel so not seen and misunderstood.... rlly odd from someone u feel that close to #anyways i definitely has my share of fuck ups in the relationship so i dont blame him feeling ill will towards me #but that in particular fcking hurt! you're wrong and i try so hard 4 ppl to understand my emotions cos i do have them!!! #anyways a positive note on a similar theme: sort of similar to when my friends said they admired how chilled out i was #(to the extent that i could've been high all the time lmaoo) #that was surprising cos i consider myself quite a nervous/anxious person #but that was acc such a slay to be told that bcos thats totally the vibe i want to be giving off :) #marchibald's