#like individual jobs people would do as their job but I'm doing multiple

[loafgeto]

I'M BETTER, AREN'T I? | geto suguru

geto suguru x fem!reader

synopsis: your boyfriend isn’t satisfied with the sex life you both have and suggests an open relationship. in the mean time, he sends you to a sex coach to get better.

contents: no curses au, fem!reader, she/her pronouns, 18+ mdni, nsfw, explicit language, open relationship, semi-plotted. smut contents: semi-public sex (suguru’s office), foreplay, dirty talking, praising, breast play, cunninglus, fingering, squirting, unprotected sex, mentions of multiple creampies, orgasms, blowjob, throat fucking, size kink, corruption kink, somewhat breeding kink(???), ass grabbing, pet names (princess, baby, darling kind of). not proofread!!

word count: 4.3k

note: i was so hard when writing this. anyway enjoy this short fic while i go cry at my assignments and pull my hair out

“this doesn’t usually happen,” he utters quietly, lips against the bare skin of your shoulder. you’re situated on his lap, your back facing him as his middle finger rubs against your clit. you moan softly at the sensation, feeling his other hand spread your legs wider.

“w-what doesn’t?” you question, biting your bottom lip as you slowly turn your head to look down at him.

“this,” he replies with a coo, pushing two fingers into your dripping hole causing you to gasp. he begins to pump his fingers in and out slowly, observing your erotic face as you begin to moan with each sensation. “i shouldn’t be doing this with a client, y’know? i could get fired.”

right. this doesn’t happen at all.

this all started a few days ago— when you and your boyfriend were having an intimate night. he was your first boyfriend, and the person you lost your virginity to. in hindsight, you had no prior experience to sex and your boyfriend became extremely upset over that.

he claimed he was unsatisfied with the sex life he had, and that statement worried you. was he going to break up with you because you couldn’t satisfy him enough during sex? you were paranoid over any possibility, and practically begged him that you’ll be better— do better.

so he suggested an open relationship. you were totally against it, confused on why such thing was needed. he claimed that it was a way to experience and explore his needs and wants that you couldn’t give him properly. it shattered your heart, but he got you to agree to the open relationship by saying he only loves you and that he wanted the best for the two of you.

and for the mean time, he recommended you to see a sex coach. you had no idea what a sex coach could possibly do, but your boyfriend said that it was the best option on making you a better person at sex. so you agreed, and he arranged an appointment for you to someone he knew from his college days.

hence, led you to encounter geto suguru.

him and your boyfriend met during a psychology class, and became seat mates for the semester. suguru was studying psychology, wanting to become a neuropsychologist and had sex coaching as a side job. it was all you knew from the information your boyfriend gave you, but other than that, this man was a complete stranger that you had to talk to about your unfortunate sex life.

when you first saw suguru, you didn’t expect someone like him to be a sex coach. he was muscular, tall and winsome. he’d fit the role of a corporation’s leader, managing hundreds of people and leading them to success. but he was in a chair, coaching individuals and couples about sex.

it took a while for you to approach him with how unsatisfied your boyfriend was with the sex life in the relationship. and how you both agreed to open relationship. you didn’t know what you ever did wrong, and you were always open to try new things— well, because you absolutely knew nothing when it comes to what good sex is. suguru listened to it all, nodding his head as if he was making a mental note about it.

but what about your needs? suguru would ask. what do you want or like?

to answer his question— you had absolutely no idea. you were always in the mindset of satisfying your boyfriend that you don’t even know what you want or like when it comes to sex. suguru was rather surprised, but he didn’t inquire further before changing the entire purpose on why you were there.

how about we figure out what you like?

there was no reason to deny, therefore you agreed. he started asking how you liked being touched, or what do you like hearing your partner say. however, you didn’t have much of an answer to that either. when your boyfriend wanted to have sex, he would usually take the lead and tell you what position to be in or what not— and that was because he enjoyed those things.

can you demonstrate for me? you asked him. the question sounded so novice, so unthreatening— that pure look in your face caused suguru’s heart to ache and he had absolutely no idea how to demonstrate without using you. you were practically vulnerable.

i can’t do that— he replies in a gentle manner. your eyes were pleading for him, reaching him for some sort of help that he couldn’t deny. knowing how desperate you were, he was willing to help you.

suguru would then find himself sitting next to you. with your permission, he’d snake an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. he was much bigger, stronger than your boyfriend that it made you feel weak. you could even smell the scent of his cologne as your body inched closer to his. you could barely look at suguru in the eyes, but he turned your face towards him with his other hand. he was gentle with you and his words, asking where he should start and if you were comfortable.

when it came to foreplay, your boyfriend never issued it before having sex— he’d just kiss you and push you down on the mattress. so you had no clue where suguru should start. suguru pondered for a moment, suggesting that he would take the lead and if you liked something, you would tell him. same thing went for something you didn’t like. you nod in agreement and he started rubbing his hand between your inner thigh.

you’ve felt your boyfriend’s hands on your thighs multiple times, but it was nothing compared to how sensually suguru was doing. his hot breath brushed against your ear and his other hand began caressing the side of your hips, causing your body to tremble. suguru asked if you liked it, to which you could only nod. you were gradually getting turned on, and suguru’s purring voice in your ear triggered it even more.

your pussy was quivering and soaking your panties. it was wrong to be turned on like this from a stranger, how would your boyfriend feel? you were too paranoid about that possibility, and when suguru noticed your reluctance, he stopped and made you face him.

remember, you’re in an open relationship. he reminds you. he didn’t mean to imply it harmfully— rather, he wanted you to relax, and not worry about what your boyfriend might feel. however, suguru already knew that your boyfriend could care less, he was probably fucking someone else at the moment. i’ll take care of you, trust me.

you had to tell yourself that you were the one who asked suguru to help you, so there was no turning back now. i want you to kiss me, you request and suguru couldn’t reject it. he leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours and you immediately return the kiss. it started off passionately and he pushed you down on the couch.

after the short makeout session, suguru placed you on his lap. one of his hands had unzipped your pants and was pushed underneath your panties. you moaned at the feeling of his fingers gliding down your wet pussy. you were so wet and it sent blood rushing to suguru’s dick.

you’re so wet. hear that? suguru whispered and pushed your pants down along with your underwear. you were completely surprised, trying to cover yourself though his grip on your thighs kept you from doing so. are you ever this wet for your boyfriend?

you shake your head. no. suguru was the first person to ever make you this wet, and with that fact, it made suguru feel empowering over your boyfriend. after several teases with your clit, suguru had you take off your shirt— leaving you in a bra. your skin was so soft and delicate. suguru badly wanted to mark you all over, show your boyfriend what he was missing. however, he reminded himself that he was working.

thus, lead to the mention that something like this never happens. it was true, sex coaching doesn’t involve sex at all. suguru was always helpful to his clients, and he’s never laid a hand on any of them until you. a few nights ago, he received a call from your boyfriend— they don’t regularly speak to each other, but had each other’s contact ever since graduation.

suguru was informed about you, and listened to the complaints your boyfriend had about you. it was irritating to say the least, how someone could degrade their partner like that? but it seemed your boyfriend didn’t care what suguru had to say, at least, not yet.

“it’s okay, ‘guru. i-i’m not going to tell anyone-“ you reply, moaning when his fingers curl and pump deeper into your pussy. suguru’s fingers were much longer and thicker than your boyfriend’s, it brought you a different ecstatic feeling.

“yeah? well, you gotta keep your voice down if you don’t want anyone to hear, princess,” suguru whispers, pressing a kiss on your shoulder before slipping his fingers out of you. catching your breath, you watch as he raises his fingers soaked in your arousal. “see how wet you are? just because of me, huh?”

“mhm..” you reply, nodding your head before he pushes those same fingers back into you. your head falls back slightly while suguru latches his mouth on your shoulder to suck the skin.

suguru pushes your bra up with his other hand, immediately groping your breast and gently pinching your nipple with his thumb and index finger. you’re unable to contain your moans as they reach a higher pitch. his fingers spreads your walls perfectly, reaching your deepest spots that your boyfriend could never reach with his fingers.

“mm- suguru!” you had to cover your mouth with a hand, feeling a knot forming in your stomach. you were reaching your first orgasm, and suguru noticed from the way your walls clenched around his fingers.

suguru grunts, fastening his fingering pace— still sucking and licking the skin area of your shoulder. you could feel his erection poking your ass, and you could tell he was big. so fucking big. it even caused you to fantasize about him shoving his cock deep into you, making you cum instantly. well, you had no idea how cumming felt like for you, since your boyfriend would usually be the one to finish before you. but suguru— he was making sure you’ll cum.

his grip on your boob was another feeling you’ve came to enjoy. the way suguru fondled with the fat of your breast and pinched your nipples was completely different from when you had to do it yourself. suguru gave both of your breast attention with his big hand, and it was enough for you to cum.

you came all over him without warning, moans muffled underneath your hand as suguru pushes his fingers out. your body dropped and fell back against his before he held you closely, hearing the sound of your heart beating against his chest. he hums, pressing soft kisses on your neck before moving his lips back near your ear.

“call me whenever.”

your sessions with suguru continued to occur for a span of two months.

while your boyfriend was out doing his own things, you would set regular sex coaching appointments with suguru. and if not, you’d be at his house doing a session. your boyfriend never inquired much about your whereabouts or what you were doing, besides that he knew you were with suguru. therefore, your time with suguru allowed you two to form a closer bond, and share personal things and secrets.

you were even comfortable enough to share about your sexual fantasies you had of him. and how you desired to feel him inside of you, touching and kissing you all over. you wanted to know how good sex felt, and suguru was willing to give you that.

and after the first time, you both couldn’t stop seeing each other. you were able to experience things and new feelings, and you began to develop feelings for the man.

aside from his personality when it came to sex, he was kind and generous, polite to everyone, and incredibly smart. when you visited him at his workplace, all of his co-workers would be around him and talking to him. and he would dismiss himself from them whenever he saw you.

suguru was quite romantic, more than your boyfriend ever was— gifting you bouquets of flowers and expensive jewelry, taking you out on simple dates to restaurants and other fancy places, and complimenting you. it was the bare minimum, literally. but you barely receive these gestures from your boyfriend, so it flattered you a lot.

it was another day where you went to visit suguru at his workplace. you didn’t set an appointment but since you visited him regularly you could just walk into his office— only during his lunch break though. you wore a flowy dress that reached your mid-thighs, hair done in a specific way with light makeup layering over your face. lately, you’ve been wanting to be pretty just for him and your boyfriend even noticed your change in appearance, but he never approached you on the reason why.

when you arrived at suguru’s office, you see him standing outside— talking to one of his clients. you stood afar for a moment, waiting for suguru to finish his work. and from the corner of suguru’s eyes, he immediately detected you and couldn’t help but smile.

after his client left, you approached him with a smile, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek before entering the office. “you should’ve called me,” suguru says, following after you.

“i wanted to surprise you.”

“oh? well it worked,” suguru replies with a grin, observing your face for a moment. “something the matter?”

“hmm,” you nod your head, hearing the door shut behind and you turn around. “my boyfriend wants to meet me for lunch in about 30 minutes. i didn’t want to go but he said it was urgent. your workplace was along the way so i wanted to stop by.”

“well he can wait a little longer,” suguru huffs but smiles before pulling you close by holding your waist. you look up at him as your face burned, observing how his broad body towered over yours. “by the way, you look beautiful,” he whispers the compliment before kissing you.

you wrap your arms around his neck, tippy toeing closer to him before he grips your hips, pressing yours against his. you could feel his throbbing cock poking through his pants, already soaking in pre-cum and practically begging to become free. you smile against his lips and suguru grunts, feeling your hand rub against his erection.

“fuck. we can’t do it right now, baby. i’m also busy after my lunch break, i have a meeting,” suguru groans in annoyance, glancing at the clock hanging over his desk.

“mm.. it’s alright, suguru,” you reassure, kissing his cheek before you pull away. he watches you kneel in front of him, your face coming face to face contact with his erection. “i’ll do this quickly, ‘kay? don’t want either of us to be late.”

suguru nods, hand lowering to caress your face as your hands unzipped his pants to free his hard throbbing cock. he moans, feeling your small hands wrap around him. another thing was how much you’ve changed over these two months. initially, you barely had an idea of what to do and was always reluctant. but now, you’re able to confidently perform gestures yourself and suguru fucking loved it.

he fucking loved knowing the feeling that he made you like this— knowing he corrupted you— changed you into someone who was confident with herself and was able to do something without hesitating. knowing how you quickly became addicted to him and his cock. oh how he wanted to brag about it to your stupid boyfriend’s face.

your hands pump the length of his cock as your mouth latches onto the tip leaking with his pre-cum. suguru grunts, his cock twitching in your hands as your mouth began taking him. you were never too good at giving a blowjob, but after suguru— you believed you improved quite well. seeing his reactions were able to tell you how good you were doing, and it made you want to see more of it.

you were much smaller than suguru, and he loved it. seeing your small mouth take his fat cock was something he’d never once figured liking. his moans start becoming louder as you pushed his cock deeper down your mouth, sucking and gliding your tongue all around him. you look up into his eyes and suguru nearly broke, dick pulsating from how you performed.

the wet sounds and the sync of your moans begin resonating the room, and as much as suguru needed to quiet down— he just couldn’t. he loved the feeling of your mouth around him, pleasuring him towards his orgasm. the tip of his cock starts poking your throat as you bobbed your head faster, gagging a few times before pulling away.

you swirl your tongue around his swollen tip, wrapping one of your hands around him again before pumping it. he groans, throwing his head back. he was about to cum, and he slightly pushed his cock back into your mouth.

“mm-“ you were somewhat surprised, but realizing he was about to cum soon, you’d make sure to fuck his cock with your mouth with the best you can.

“fuck- princess. your mouth takes my cock so good, doesn’t it?” suguru grunts when you push his cock far into your mouth once again. you moan, your eye sockets shortly welling with tears as he rocks his hips slowly. “gonna fuck your mouth, yeah?”

you nod and suguru’s hands hold the sides of your head before he starts thrusting faster. the tears in your eyes finally stream down the side of your cheek and your hands wrap around his wrists as his cock continuously smacked your throat.

the feeling of suguru’s cock down your throat was completely different from how your boyfriend would force his cock down yours. but you’ve completely forgotten the feeling of him, as suguru seems to already own your entire body.

suguru never forced himself down your throat, and the first time he fucked your mouth, he’d inform you to tap his leg or somewhere three times for him to stop. at first, it was agonizing— you were always gagging and uncomfortable with the feeling but suguru was patient and was able to help you adjust to the feeling. and when you got better, you began performing orally with suguru’s cock.

“gonna cum right now, baby- fuck,” suguru groans, head falling back as he was about to pull his cock out. but you refrained him from doing so and he cums deep into your mouth.

you moan softly as his warm cum hits your throat, and you swallow his load before pushing your head away. you gasp for air as your body slumped back. your mind was becoming foggy and you didn’t even notice suguru picking you off the ground.

“sugu, what are y-“ you question as he pushes you stomach down against his cold desk and lifts your dress. he pushes your soaked panties to the side, watching as your arousal dripped out of your pussy. he grins before gliding his tongue against your wet folds, immediately making you moan. “a-ah. suguru-“

his tongue circles around your clit several times and he pushes two fingers into your aching hole. your moans muffle behind your closed lips, and your eyes shut to the feeling of his tongue fucking your pussy from behind. he pushed his wet muscle into you, sucking and licking all of your arousal. you grip the edge of his desk as he starts pumping his fingers slowly.

“suguru, baby- need your cock s’bad right now,” you beg, turning your head around as one of his hands grabs the fat of your ass.

“hold on, princess,” suguru replies, slipping his fingers out and flicking his tongue around your pussy. you whine, unable to remain patient and suguru only chuckles at your reaction. he stands behind you, lifting your dress further up.

“s-suguru..”

“i know, baby. i know,” suguru hums, using a finger to pull your panties that still wrapped around your hips down to your thighs. he then returns both hands to the side of your ass, aligning his cock to your wet entrance.

suguru shoves his cock into your swollen pussy, instantly making you cum. he starts thrusting his cock deep and fast into your pussy before using one of his hands to press both of your hands behind your back. your legs become wobbly and your moans are uncontrollable as he fucks the brains out of you. he wouldn’t slow down at all, and desperately wanted to fuck his cock right into you until you came over and over again.

his hips slam against your ass harshly, balls slapping against your pussy as his body lowers over yours. his desk starts moving and creaking each thrust he gives you, some of the things on top beginning to roll off and hit the ground.

“fucking love this pussy,” suguru comments, peppering kisses down your neck and shoulder.

“mm— i love your cock, sugu!” you scream as your body rams into his desk because of how rough he was thrusting into you.

suguru groans, removing his hand from your ass to hoist one of your legs up. his cock was able to penetrate deeper into your pussy and smack the entrance of your womb, making you become a moaning and crying mess.

“fuckk, i’m cumming- suguru!” you cry out as your vision becomes blurry with more welled tears in your eyes. he was fucking you too good, and your pussy had clenched around him, indicating for him not to pull out.

even after cumming all over him, suguru kept drowning his cock deep into your pussy, rubbing against your most sensitive spots. he fucked his cum into your baby room, but that didn’t mean he’d stop at all. he continuously pounded you, filling your entire pussy up— and you both ended up losing track of time.

suguru pulls your dress off, along with your panties and flips you over to face him. you prop your body up as he pushes your thighs further apart to continue fucking into you. his previous cum milked into your womb begins leaking out, and you whine at the feeling as your arms went around his neck.

"y-your cum is-" you begin, gasping when suguru pulls your hips closer to him.

"don't worry, princess. i'll give you more," suguru grunts with a wide grin. "'m gonna give you so, so much of my babies."

"yes, yes!" you nod as your eyes began rolling back. being in the moment, you didn't notice your phone already ringing several times. and even when you heard, you and suguru chose to ignore it. all you could think about was suguru- and his cock filling and shaping your pussy to his size like it was all his.

suguru began rubbing circles around your clit with the tip of his fingers as you both began reaching your next orgasms. your mind became foggy, and all you could hear was your moans and the wet sounds of his cock slapping against your pussy. you pull suguru close to you, pressing your chest against his as he dumps his final load into you.

"f-fuck.." suguru's voice breaks as he buries his face into your shoulder.

"suguru?" you call to him through your heavy pants, feeling his warm cum refill your womb. you give him a gentle kiss on the side of his head and he pulls away.

suguru slides his dick out, letting out a heavy sigh before turning to kiss you again. when he turns away, he glances at the clock and reads the time. "shit, i'm late for my meeting. and you're late for your lunch meetup."

you giggle, shaking your head as suguru pushes his pants back around his hips. "they can continue waiting."

suguru lifts you off the table, noticing how much of a mess it was and chuckles. "mm.. you're right, my meeting isn't that important anyway.. and i don't have another appointment until 2.. so that gives us an hour and-"

but suguru was interrupted when there was a knock on his office door. you both tore your attention away from each other and turned to the closed door, thankfully it was locked. "yes?" suguru clears his throat.

“geto? are you still in there?” it was one of his co-workers and you both glance at each other. “the meeting was moved to next monday, sir. just wanted to come inform you about it.”

“oh? that sounds great, thank you," suguru replies and you both wait until the co-worker dismisses themselves, leaving you and suguru alone again. "guess.. we can go for a couple more rounds, yeah?"

you giggle, inching your face close to his, “hmm but there's something i have to do first."

"hm? what's that?" he inquires as he raises a brow before you kissed him again.

you pull out your phone, reading the long notification bars informing the missed calls you received from your boyfriend. suguru could see them too and he curiously wonders what you would possibly do. were you going to call him back?

but instead, suguru watches as you block your boyfriend's number, or well now, ex-boyfriend's. and you toss your phone to the side, grabbing his biceps and pushed his hips against yours. "now, let's continue."

LOAF4U. thank you for reading! please do not copy my work or publish in another media without my permission.

#loaf4u #18+ minors dni #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen one shot #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #anime smut #geto x reader smut #geto smut #geto suguru x reader smut #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru smut #geto suguru x reader #geto x reader #jjk geto #getou suguru x reader #geto x you #geto x y/n

[bangficsx]

PLANNERS

pairing : jungkook x reader insert

word count : 7777 [coincidence ;)]

synopsis : wedding planner hooks up with the bride's cousin

warning : slight dry humping, teasing, blowjob, fingering, cum swallowing, squirting, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (it's just a fic), a dick pic i don't think there's anything else..

"I already got the number given for how many tables and chairs are to be set up" the man tells you, leaving you in disbelief.

"I think you have a misunderstanding. I'm the event manager. I was supposed to have a meeting with you about it." You try to put forward your argument which gets dismissed again immediately.

"A certain gentleman came two hours before and told me everything in detail" the man answers getting irritated by your insistence about his mistake.

"Now please do not waste my time miss. I've got a lot of other clients." You turn around and roll your eyes, stomping forward murmuring "again".

It wasn't the first time your job got done by your customer. You have never met one like this before in the hundreds of weddings and events you've arranged. Why pay a hefty sum to you if they want to do everything on their own?

You make up your mind and set out on a quest to find the mysterious man who keeps completing the tasks he hired you to perform. And you've already assumed he must be the typical arrogant asshole from your nightmares.

The next morning, you leave for the photographer's studio three hours early. You were supposed to meet them to decide the lighting and type of camera that is to be used. What kind of shots the couple wants.

In your two year long career, you've never had an upset client. You try your best to deliver the exact kind of wedding they must've dreamt of for their whole lives.

The wedding ceremony is one of the most important events of a human's life. The most joyous celebration that unites two individuals and families together.

And you make those dreams come true. It's in your hand to control all that is controllable on that most special day of someone's life.

This wedding is by far the most expensive one you've ever handled. Usually you would manage two or three in a month. But they put a condition asking  you only focus on theirs for the month the wedding's scheduled in.

The groom started his own tech company at just 20 and earned a name for himself. While the bride is the ceo of a pharmaceutical company her dad left to her.

You ask your photographer if they got any emails about your event and when they checked they actually had one. You asked them for the address ensuring them there would be no consequences.

When you search the email address, you find it mentioned on a linked in account. You assume it must be the bride Si-young's cousin as you clearly remember her telling you she doesn't have any siblings of her own.

You find the man has attended a business school abroad and has professional posts about the company. Again you assume, he must work in the company too. Probably hold some influential position and hence, acts like such an asshole.

You also come from a well to do family yet you never understood why rich people spend money on services they don't even use.

You look at the picture of the man carefully. A pretty good looking man for sure. And you smirk when you find him in the car that's driving up the street just like you expected.

You feel stupid that you'd shared the schedule with them to assure everything would be done in time. There was a fair amount of time left yet you were working everyday as it was a big scale event, a grand affair. Two business tycoons coming together along with their souls and hearts.

You walk upto the spot where he parks his car. Resolute to give him an earful about what has been happening for the last week.

You stand with your hands folded waiting for him to ask what you want and to gladly tell him to let you do your job. He walks past you and enters the studio leaving you gasping.

You stomp your feet and follow him. Fuming in anger, you call behind him "excuse me mister what do you think are you doing huh?"

He keeps talking with the photographer showing her samples that you were supposed to show and tells them they want better ones than those.

"Mr Jeon!" You call him again. He finally turns around.

"Can I help you?" He asks as if he's clueless.

"Yes. I think you're aware that Ms Si-young and her fiancé have appointed me as their wedding planner. I'm the one whose supposed to perform the tasks you've been performing. It's my job" You finally release all your pent up frustration.

"It's complicated" he says and turns around to continue his conversation.

"Excuse me sir do you not understand how much inconvenience you've been causing me. I have been wasting my precious time and money to travel miles only to find you've already done the job" you shout unable to believe something like this could ever happen.

"Look it's not my problem. I told Si-young that I would look after every little detail about her wedding. It's not my fault if she paid someone to do it. Just keep the money." He says with an expression that says he wants you to fuck off but you aren't going to give up so easily.

Going away with free money is easy. But you're not gonna do that. It's a large sum of money that you received. And you need to manage this event to enhance your portfolio. Grabbing this opportunity is so far your biggest achievement. If you do this you'd be able to kick all the asses that laughed on your face when you told them your career choice was becoming an event manager.

And your stubbornness resulted into the gentleman bringing you to a café to explain to you why he wants to arrange everything by himself. How much it means to him. What Si-young denies to accept.

"Her dad died when she was nineteen. She was abroad studying when he was on his deathbed. I was by his side through out his sickness. And his dream was to have a perfect wedding for his only daughter. Look she's the only thing he ever had. Her mother died before he could marry her. He meant a lot to me because you see my dad all our fortune drinking and gambling. Uncle took me in and provided me with the best of opportunities and education and in turn it helped me send money to my family. He saved us and now I want to fulfill his last wish and dream. That's why I want to arrange the whole wedding. Ensure everything is absolutely perfect. Si-young likes to flex her money, she thinks just spending lots of money will get her the perfect wedding day. She doesn't understands only someone who deeply cares and loves her would ensure perfection." You feel attacked and he surely knows he's being rude to make you run but you're not going to, not so easily.

You've had enough experience dealing with people who won't trust you. Parents of brides and grooms, brides and grooms themselves, even your own parents.

You quickly pull your tablet put and open your browser which already has a tab open with your website on it.

"Well Sir I'd like to tell you I've been an event manager with an expertise in wedding planning for two years now. I've successfully managed a hundred weddings now and this is my profile. As you can probably see with your own eyes I'm able to put up the best possible events." You tell him proudly because nobody else ever takes pride in you.

"Look I've told you I want to do it and I'm going to do it no matter how much you try to" he says again and you can't bear it anymore.

You lash out "You don't understand how hard I've worked to get here alright. I've worked my ass off the past four years. Two years as an intern where I worked like a dog and then at my own company. I have been able to get here based on sheer hard work and nothing else. I'm not gonna let you snatch it away from me." He watches your nostrils flare, and your skin turn red.

"Alright calm down. Take a deep breath" he says before he sighs.

"Please" You can't believe yourself and takes everything in you to stoop like this but you speak the word out.

It's the way you ask him that he relates to you in some sense. He knows what working hard is like and can tell from your eyes you're speaking the truth.

"Can we do it together then?" He offers.

You roll your eyes at him, contemplate then answer "fine"

"So easy.. you had to make it so hard" he chuckles and you look away trying to hide your smile.

"At least get a black coffee for self respect. You're embarrassing me along with yourself" You point out that you two have been sitting for too long without ordering something.

"Sorry" he mumbles before ordering.

"It's okay" you respond.

"You just wanna... keep... sitting on the same table" he asks fearing another outburst from you.

"People might misinterpret if I suddenly leave and sit somewhere else." You answer. Think it might benefit both of you.

"How so?" He asks. You don't understand if he lacks experience assuming he might have drowned himself in studies first and now work or he's just messing with you and having his own fun in it.

"We looked like we were fighting. They might think we were a couple... and we broke up" you answer clearing all his doubts.

"You're kinda clever you know" he says.

"No doubt" you answer.

Your coffees arrive and you both silently sip from your cups. He keeps glancing at you then at the table. Covers his mouth not known to you, he's covering a foolish grin, a blush because he can't stop looking at you and get reminded of how cute he found you in control of anger. How he adores a smart woman who can take a stand for themselves and don't give up.

"You know complete silence can be misinterpreted in a way too" he leans over the table folding his arms.

"Certainly" you agree. Also you are finding it impossible to resist the urge to talk to him.

A part of you is unable to believe you are having coffee even that you're sitting at the same table with a person who studied from one of the top business schools of the world.

"You want a sandwich or something... lemme compensate you for all the money you spent at least obviously I can't return you the time" he speaks looking around for the waitress. Before you can refuse he has already ordered two. You didn't say anything because you could hear your stomach grumbling in hunger. You hadn't eaten a proper dinner last night too.

"You know I kinda understand her dad and you too" your words grab his attention. He looks at you, fluttering his eyes, without any shame not moving them away.

"Hmm" he finds himself at a lack of words.

"It's pretty important to my dad too... That someday my wedding goes well if it happens. But we aren't really on good terms anymore so I don't really know what's gonna happen when the time comes" you tell him. Mustering the courage to finally open up. You've been in your shell for way too long now. It's been five months since you and your girlfriend broke up.

"What happened" he asks trying to not offend. "If you're comfortable to share" he quickly adds.

Your sandwiches arrive right before you start answering, "He wanted me to be an engineer but I had no interest in that area. So he didn't help me tuition for undergrad or anything at all. Mom is a homemaker so she couldn't help me as such. Then when I started my business even then he didn't give any seed money or anything. So far I've been able to manage on my own so I guess I'll arrange my own wedding by myself too. I've got one life, I'm gonna live it out on my own terms. I don't give a fuck anymore" you bite a huge piece off your sandwich not caring what he thinks.

"I'm proud of you" he mutters.

You are surprised to hear that and make no efforts to hide that, "What... what did you just say?" You ask.

"Oh you heard it. You're strong and self made so..." he scratches his nape nervously.

"Thanks" you tell him.

You take another bite of your sandwich.

"Also my parents don't know that I'm bi" You blurt out, kinda on purpose to see if he's gonna back off because of that but it doesn't budges him. He seems to be absolutely fine with it. And there have been many who have left after you state that fact about yourself.

When you both finish eating you walk outside the café together.

"Sorry for wasting your time like that" you apologise. "You seem like you have a serious job"

"No it's not like that... it's all for Si-young and she means a lot to me, even more than my own siblings." He quickly explains.

"Wine tasting tomorrow 5pm" You remind him although he must already have it pinned on his schedule.

"See ya" he leaves after getting in his car. He wanted to ask you to get in the car and drop you wherever it was you needed to go but he had a meeting in an hour and had to prepare for it.

The next day, you meet again. You feel guilty of the excitement of sorts that you hold in your heart to meet him again.

You thought about him all day long the day before, all night and all morning. He was beautiful and kind. Inspiring and caring. You'd never met a guy like that before.

You skip your usual pants and shirt work outfit and instead wear a dress. With a denim jacket on top and boots to walk in.

The wine seller was not a long distance away from your place. You had a home office setup and were saving for an actual office.

You find that Jungkook has already reached the location and was waiting for you. You feel embarrassed not knowing for how long he's been there.

He walks upto you and greets you and you do the same. You walk inside together.

"We have a booking for a wine tasting" you ask the receptionist who points at an old man sitting in a corner. She asks him to take over.

You and Jungkook sit at a table with glasses placed in front of you. The old man uninterested to work asks you to just tell whichever tastes best after showing you samples from what they offer at weddings. You know that the place has the best wines so you don't object towards the behaviour.

"Should we try this one first?" He asks.

You both try the same wines and wait for a few seconds for the taste to settle in.

"No way" You answer. He chuckles and nods.

"OK, trust me this isn't their best" you tell him quickly not letting him doubt your choice of wine seller.

"You've had the best one before?" He asks.

"Yeah someone gifted me once" you get reminded of your ex who brought it for your anniversary. It brings back all the bitter memories from your breakup. It was the longest, strongest relationship of your life yet it ended in such a bad way. You still haven't completely forgotten her.

"Jungkook" you take his name as if he's a friend of yours.

"Yeah everything alright?" He senses the change in your tone and expressions because he hasn't looked anywhere else.

"Can you... can you please taste these and tell me which one you like best? I'm sure you have a great taste in alcohol." You request him. He looks at you and nods.

He picks up a glass and drinks from it. You're sure he must have a hundred questions rushing through his mind but he's not asking them out of politeness.

"Don't wanna kill you with curiosity it's just because my last ex and to be honest one of the best ones brought the best wine from here for our anniversary so I don't wanna taste it and remember it all again. It was pretty terrible... the break up" you purse your lips.

"I'm not curious about those things" he sips another wine and makes a face furrowing his eyebrows. You don't know what to make of it, it looks like he's gonna get angry at you for bringing you to a place which has not a single good one.

"How are these their bestsellers... like what the fuck is even happening here" you look around to call someone and ask them if they actually arranged you the best samples.

"No wait... fuck.." he takes another sip. "Heaven" a moan escapes his mouth before he presses his lips together.

"You like it? I was worried, thought you were gonna get angry at me" you sigh in relief and he laughs, giggles looking at your face.

"Why would I ever get angry at you?" He shrugs his shoulders.

"I boasted about this particular place so I'm bound to be questioned if it doesn't turns out as per the expectations I have planted in someone else's mind. Part of my job is to have a varied taste because different people like different things and I have to cater to their needs accordingly." You speak and he was mesmerized with you.

"You speak so well... damn. You really are passionate about what you do" hee says.

"Yes I am" you confirm.

"I like people with passion for their jobs" he says. You feel butterflies in your tummy. You know how he's indirectly pointing at you.

"So... should I go sort it out with them?" You ask.

"You know... you could drink some other wine. I don't like getting drunk alone" he says.

"Well if you feel like that" you buy a mid range bottle for yourself and ask for a glass. It's not necessarily a place to sit and drink in, yet you two are the only ones there. And you don't like making people feel lonely so you'd better get a little drunk too. And wine makes you feel kinda cosy, drunk but still like yourself.

You can see that he is tipsy. He buys the wine he liked for himself. Once you're both finished you step outside the store.

"How did you get here?" You ask.

"Took a cab" he answers. "Driving wouldn't have been a smart thing to do if I knew I was gonna drink" he adds.

"Don't you have like drivers" you ask curiously. The alcohol starts to have it's effects with the passage of time.

"Not me" he answers your query.

"Hope you aren't getting late for any plans" he says checking if you haven't forgotten about something.

"Why are you curious now?" You smirk.

"Don't want you to blame me later that I got you drunk"

"I drank out of my own will. Just say you're curious to know if I have a partner. I can sense your intentions very well Jeon" you walk away from him but he giggles and steps closer again. You move away again and he pulls you, gently holding your arm.

"Hey I have no such intentions" he denies.

"I'm not so naive to not notice" you keep walking forward with a straight face.

You are certain of what's going on inside his mind. You were sure of your attraction when you first saw him. You've had enough of crying over your ex and remembering the things she did to you. All you need is someone else to do even better things to you.

"By the way... how old are you?" He asks hesitantly.

"Not a minor for sure" you try to annoy him.

"Real age please ma'am" he rolls his eyes.

"Turning 24 in a couple months" you tell him wondering if he's older than you or if he would be uncomfortable that you're younger than him.

"I'm 26, means I can talk informally with  you" he states without you asking.

You don't know why you keep walking further. Even though you know you should just take a cab and go back home yet it's like you're waiting for something. You want to just get even the glimpse of an opportunity. Even though a part of you knows it's not completely right but that adds to the thrill of it all.

"Are you sure you don't have someone waiting for you?" You ask him indirectly.

You are begging inside your heart to know that he's single.

You can't stop the trail of dirty thoughts that follows as you see his skin shining with the layer of sweat that's covering his face. He flicks his lip ring with his tongue, you see him bite his lip before he looks at you with a hint of lust in his eyes.

"Umm no. I have been single for like two years now. My ex left behind a lot of damage too. Took me a lot of therapy and strength to get through it all. We dated four years, I thought she was the one and only and well..." he pauses. You understand what he means and nod.

"I'm sure your little heart will heal" you pat his chest lightly and he smiles. His hand brushes yours as he shifts to walk closer to you even though you barely had an inch between you two.

The image of him biting his lip replays in your mind. You glance at his lips again which he parts making you avert your gaze before he notices.

He's in a leather jacket, white t-shirt, black skinny jeans. Your eyes travel south and get a quick look at the fabric hugging his toned thighs. You wonder if how many abs he's got under the shirt. Fuck, you can't believe your brain is fantasizing about a man you've only met twice when the sun has just started to set.

"You're curious about so many things right now but you aren't asking isn't it?" You smile looking at him. Try to ease the tension because you can sense it building in him too.

"Oh come what do you think I'm even curious about?" He scoffs.

"We're all curious about things Jungkook" you say. You almost trip over a rock but he holds your hand. He keeps holding it just in case you lose balance again. You both are equally tipsy.

"Well what are you curious about?" He asks after a moment.

"Well you know like what happens after death? What will happen to me if the number of people getting married keeps decreasing? What cock tastes like?" The last one makes him cough and stare you.

"You're so drunk" he says.

"Not so much" you tell him.

"Then repeat what you just said" he says

"Why?" You fold your arms over your chest narrowing your eyes at him.

"Why is that a thing you're the most curious about?" He blurts out.

"You're asking like you have some position open for a blow job giver" you joke.

"Like you'd apply for the job" he adds.

You look around people don't give a fuck they're busy minding their own business. You regret saying what you said but yet you let go.

"Have you been to the wedding venue yet?" You ask changing the topic.

"Just checked it out on the internet" he says.

"Wanna go check it out?" You ask.

"I'm kinda tired what about tomorrow?" He offers.

"We've only walked like 500 metres" you chuckle.

"I'm sure it's more than a thousand" he says.

You reach the bus stand from where you can get a bus to your place. He stands beside you.

"You should get a cab. I'll just get on the bus." You tell him. You sense the disappointment in his eyes, but for some reason he doesn't express his desire.

"Okay. If that's what you want" he takes his phone out from his pocket.

You feel foolish waiting for him to turn around and say something. He keeps tapping his foot on the ground, looking at his phone.

The next day arrives after much anticipation. You get late, losing time in doing makeup.

The blood rushes to your cheeks everytime you think about him. You slept last night dreaming about his face, his lips, his delicate features.

You wait on the road for the cab to arrive. Jungkook texts you that he's on his way.

The banquet's in a hotel where the ceremony will take place.

Last night you both had no other options. You don't think each other's homes would've been a great option and there were no motels in sight either. He didn't even bring his car which could've been a compromise you would've made.

Now being in a hotel means you have the opportunity on hand you just have to catch it.

You give him a tour of the place. You have permission to enter the hotel at any time since they all know you are a wedding planner and you're managing an event there in a month.

As soon as he finds you both in a secluded corner he's quick to make the offer.

"You do know what I'm expecting?"

"What? For me to pay for lunch?" You tease him.

"For your curiosity to die" he answers.

"I don't wanna die so young" you tell him.

"Sure can't before you taste cock" you cringe hearing him phrase your words. You know it's just skin and flesh, it can't have it's own taste. It's not like pussy which you've tasted many times but only your ex's. You were drunk, wanted to be suggestive towards him and hence made that up.

"Well I don't have anyone right now whom I'd like to suck off" you tease him more. Kinda like to watch him get desperate.

"Think again" he says. You almost laugh but like how direct he's acting. He has hope evident in his eyes.

"Thought so hard my head hurts" you answer to play a level further than him.

"You're killing me" he says making you walk backwards and hit your back against the wall. Although he keeps his hand behind you so that you don't get hurt.

"No I'm not" you say.

"I'll buy you pretty things" he says. Keeps his hands beside your head.

"I'm weird I don't like pretty things" you joke, enjoy the way he hisses with frustration.

"Then I'll buy you ugly things. Or whatever you like..."

"Excuse me.. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy" you clarify. He sighs. Gets closer.

"I know you want me and you're fighting it. And I want you so bad... you can't even imagine" you hold to him for support as he stands dangerously close to you, staring into your eyes. You pull him a little closer and with the tip of your tongue lick his lower lip. The metal of his lip ring feels cold as your tongue glides over it.

Before he ends up losing all control, he takes your hand and barges into an open room. You raise your eyebrows finding it very questionable what he just did.

"I already booked it" he smirks before he  sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you above his lap.

You sit on him a bit hesitantly knowing he has a growing erection underneath his pants, causing him to act like this.

"Don't act so innocent" he whispers before pulling you closer with his hands on your hips. His hardness presses to your crotch.

You wrap your legs tighter around him.

He tangles his fingers with your hair. You lean closer to him but he doesn't kisses you. You try to get your lips on his but he keeps moving his face, touching his lips and his nose on your cheeks and neck and behind your ears.

"Don't" you whisper.

"Like you didn't" he puts a peck on your lips then pulls back again before you can fully kiss him. You let out a complaining groan and give up on trying to kiss him. He'll do it on his own because you know he wants it too.

"So desperate aren't you..." he presses his lips near yours. "Yet you were giving me such a hard time"

"You were the one denying your very obvious interest in me... and I was kinda nervous because I've never before hooked up with my clients or anyone related" you tell him. He chuckles.

"That's because you help people plan their weddings silly... it would be really problematic if you hook up with someone who's about to get married" you laugh at his words. The vibrations of your laugh travel to him, as both of your chests remain pressed together.

"And if it's not them it's their parents, that's way worse" you both giggle before he tucks your hair behind your ear and finally kisses you.

You hold his head to not let him go and slowly move your tongue into his mouth. He reciprocates your actions with the same passion you show. He gently grazes his teeth over your lip. You squeeze his nape lightly.

His hands travel down your neck and you look down as he unbuttons your shirt. It's brown to go with your black trousers. Your bra is just a cotton one. You washed your only lace one and it didn't dry in time to wear in the morning.

Jungkook cups your breast as he kisses down your cleavage. You fiddle with his buttons too. You really want to see what's underneath. He's insanely beautiful for a man and you feel jealous of his soft, silky hair. You have to carry out a whole ten step haircare routine through out the week to keep your hair frizz free and prevent dryness.

When he kisses you again, you grind yourself against him a little. He moans into your mouth. It's evident how close to the edge he is.

"You know if you want I can help you with that" you say as you feel wetness seep from your own folds as you stay pressed against his hard cock.

"Oh please... please..." he pulls himself away a little. Palms himself before you move his hand away.

You keep your hand on his chest and make him lie down. You have always liked how bouncy hotel mattresses tend to be. He giggles but quiets down as your hand reaches the button of his jeans.

You grip him from above his clothes and he pushes himself up against your hand. You unbutton his jeans after rubbing him for a few seconds.

Slowly you pull down his boxers too. And adore how pretty and thick he is. Your first man in four years and you're glad to grab a nice one. You feel evil to think of him like this but who cares, you both are just here to fool around, have fun.

You had a boyfriend when you were around nineteen to twenty and since then you only dated women. You did go on a couple dates with guys but none of them worked out.

You pull his jeans down his hips around his thighs. His cock is fully hard, the tip shines with precum. You make him lose his shirt too revealing the tattoo sleeve. You had gotten a glimpse of tattoos sneaking up his sleeve but had no idea that he had a whole hand full of them.

"Pretty tattoos" you remark and he smiles grazing his fingers on his arm.

"Tell me about them after you cum" you say making him chuckle.

"For that you have to start somewhere... I'm dying please" he whines.

You're quick to oblige. Your hands wrap around his dick. You give him a few pumps before licking his length.

You keep moving your hands around the base as you suck the top. He let's out muffled moans as you continue.

Somehow you get lost in the way he moans, knowing it's because of you, that you still can make people feel good. You were skeptical of yourself for a while after your ex labelled sex with you at the end of your relationship as average. You had always had a thrilling sex life with your partners, trying new things, new locations, new positions and techniques yet somehow you grew boring to her.

And here a man lay in front of you, groaning and moaning, definitely not faking it, with the way he was twitching and throbbing inside your mouth.

You keep going without thinking much. You find him responding well and if you keep doing it he'll reach climax and that is what you want for him, to get some release. He's been stressed about his cousin's approaching wedding and you assume his work life must be hectic too.

He grabs your hair in his fist trying his best to not hurt you. His grip loosens as you feel a warm liquid fill your mouth. The taste is a mix of things you can't describe with just one word. Before you swallow the first spurt another gets released out from his tip. Your clit throbs so bad, your heart beats so fast, you feel so wet, you just want to pull your pants down and make yourself cum if nobody's gonna do it for you. You feel an ache in your pussy and an urgent need to relieve yourself from it.

Jungkook lies with his head buried in the pillows. When he looks at you there's a shine to his face, his eyes. He has no care for how he came so much that too in your mouth.

"Either you make me cum right now or I'm making myself" you say pushing your trousers down as you lie beside him. You throw your shirt away too.

"Alright do it then..." he says. "Let's see how hard you can make yourself cum" his words sends another chill down your spine.

"Well then" you sit comfortably on the bed. Then part your legs. He watches carefully. You slowly push your panties to the side. Touch your clit and moan as the touch feels heavenly.

But the way that your pussy is all wet and messy and pretty Jungkook can't resist the temptation.

He sits beside you and slowly trails his hand up your thigh. You continue to rub your clit not caring what he thinks. Why would you do it's not like he means anything to you.

He doesn't removes your finger instead pushes his into your hole. "Fuck" you moan as he tries to find the sweet spot.

You increase your pace of stroking your clit.

With his free hand, he pushes the fabric of your bra down to expose your breasts just enough to get access to your nipples. He circles his thumb around the hardened buds.

As his finger continues to circle on your g-spot, he wraps his mouth around your nipple. His tongue circles around. He sucks trying to take in more of your boob into his mouth. You find it hard to maintain your rhythm of clit rubbing.

Yet as you find yourself too close to the climax, you're motivated to keep going. You just know it's going to be very hard. And with your moans and expressions, he finds his motivation too. He presses the tip of his finger against your walls.

You feel an unbearable pressure build inside you. Desperately trying to get relief. He's amazed how fast your hand starts moving. His eyes don't move away from your cunt neither does his finger pressing on your g-spot.

He takes your tit inside his mouth again. Your moans intensify as it finally snaps. Your thighs shake, you see the stars, think you've died for a second. It travels from your head to toe. You remove your hand but he doesn't.

Through the overstimulation he brings to you another unbearable pressure which turns into a wave of pleasure as you lose all control and squirt, shaking uncontrollably. Jungkook pulls his hand away and watches as you rub yourself again and spray more of the liquid soaking the sheets. You keep rubbing yourself and an orgasm combines with it. The control of your body has gone from you to your orgasm.

Jungkook moans watching you as his hand reaches his own cock thats hard again. He starts to pump himself as you catch your breath, your body still shakes.

"You surely enjoyed that" he says.

"Very much" you answer.

"Can we fuck now?" He asks. It's inevitable. You didn't think you'd come this hard in front of him. You look at his cock hard and ready to fuck you senseless.

Your lingering gaze tells him enough. He takes position above you. And before you know his tip is massaging your insides as he thrusts himself again and again.

Your phone starts suddenly ringing and with the surprise he sits up still holding his shaft. You fumble with the objects inside your handbag and take your phone out.

It was the hotel manager telling you they've arranged a special meal for you and your guest. Jungkook rubs himself against your clit and you almost moan yet he doesn't stops instead smirks.

As soon as you cut the call, he starts to fuck you again this time relentlessly. You both struggle to hold for long and come within minutes. He pulls out at the right moment, makes a mess all over your tummy and you clench around nothing as a short quick orgasm washes over you.

It's hard to speak after what you two did. You decided to take turns to shower. Thankfully you had an emergency pair of panties in your handbag which remains there all the time in case you unexpectedly start your period.

It's a rooftop setting where your food was. You had developed an appetite after the things you did that had tired you out immensely. You hadn't expected this at all, you were firm before entering the room that you'll just make out with him but so is life and it's happenings, one thing leads to another.

You sit across the table from Jungkook.

"It got a little crazy I'm sorry. I just lost..." he interrupts you and you wait for him to speak, "It was so fucking good... don't you dare try and deny that" he gives you a serious look and you chuckle.

"It'd been a while since I had fun like that. Sometimes one needs that right?" He nods, mouth stuffed with food. Would've bought you food regardless the hotel offered it or not.

"Bet you can say Si-young did a good job hiring me?" You joke.

He bites his lip before he laughs lowly.

"We're done with bookings now. I talked over a few things with the hotel. Guess I'm gonna see you for the final checks now" you speak in a low tone.

When you think about it you're gonna miss him even though it isn't a long time that you two spent together. There's just something about him that does something to your heart which you don't understand.

"Actually I have to go on a trip abroad and I don't know how long it's gonna take to wrap up the work although I'll be here for the wedding anyhow" he tells you. His voice is low. You know how much he wants to look after preparations firsthand.

"Hey don't worry. I hope you have some sort of trust on me now. I'll work my ass off to make sure your sister has the perfect wedding. And I'll give you updates every fifteen minutes." You say reach his hand that rests on the table.

"I'm counting on you" he says tightly holding your hand.

"You can" you answer.

Over the next few weeks you try to make contact with him but the time difference makes it impossible for you to have a conversation with him in real time. Mostly you send him updates regarding the wedding which is just work for you.

On a lucky day, you catch him online at an ungodly hour. You find out he's drunk. He keeps mentioning the sex you both had. Explains in detail, the things he liked which is almost everything about it. You're surprised he remembers it in such detail.

He sends you a pic of his erect penis says he's thinking about how you came and he hopes you look at it and make yourself come even harder. Everytime you are playing with yourself, you do remember the way his fingers worked and try to replicate it. The orgasms are strong that way and with his image in your mind even more.

You have no idea how you're gonna get him out of your mind. Although it brings you some peace that you're in his mind too.

He was in another country, he could be fucking anyone. It's not like he has to try too hard to get some. Yet he was thinking about you while jerking off. He liked the parts which others found a mess and a pain in the ass.

It was the nicest feeling to have someone accept you, appreciate you, like the way your body is and the way you are.

Much to your disappointment, he could only arrive on the day of the wedding. Hours before the ceremony starts. You had completely forgotten about his arrival, drowned in work as you were.

You were checking the lighting and flowers all around the place when two hands touched your shoulders. You turn around freaked out. Although it could be a friend from the staff trying to tell you to relax.

When you look at him you can't belive that he made it. He hugs you and presses a kiss on your forehead.

"Thank you so much for looking after everything so well" he thanks you but you shake your head.

"I'm getting paid" you say, then whisper "a big sum" you add. Although money hadn't been the only motivation for you to work hard on this project.

"Look at you" he fixes your hair, "What has become of you? You work hard more than you need to" he lightly pats your cheek before he guides you to a room at the back.

"Now show me the dress you're wearing.  Will wank in advance so I don't get too horny if you're gonna look too hot" he says.

"What... there's no dress I'll just be wearing what I'm already wearing" you glance at yourself in the mirror, you put on a shirt with embellishments to look not too plain. You don't get ready for every wedding that you plan.

"Good I bought you one. I just saw this while walking on the street and thought how good this'll look on you" he opens his bag and takes a packet out. He rips it open and gives you the dress.

"And you're still interested in me? The time was enough to fall in love with someone new" you say as if he had ever been in love with you.

"I'm not so easy" he says.

"Tell someone else" you respond with a smug look on your face. He chuckles.

"Now are you gonna change or..." he begins to undo the buttons of your shirt.

You think of taking over for a moment but then let him do it.

You help him pull the shirt down your arms leaving you in your bra. His hand reaches your back and he unhooks your bra.

"Hey..." you hold his hand to stop him.

"What? The dress is padded" you hadn't really noticed even when he was showing you the dress you were just busy looking at him.

Your bra slips off and his hand wraps around your tits. He squeezes them then sucks your nipples one by one, covers your whole chest with small kisses. You feel the wetness growing, you can't get too distracted. You have to go out or everything will fall apart.

His hand goes down your navel and rests between your thighs. Your breath hitches as he presses his fingers against your pussy.

"Oops made you wet. Don't worry will gladly help you with it..." he smirks and you remain numb as he slips his hand inside your panties.

The tip of his middle finger presses against your clit. You whimper.

"I don't have time" you complain.

"Alright" he starts to rub you. Circles his finger around your clit.

You were so wet, so aroused. You started to grind yourself on his hand and suddenly came, your juices gushing, clit throbbing against his finger, thighs shaking, you hold him for support.

"Told ya" he chuckles then pulls his hand away and hands you the dress to wear.

You like the dress, it was complimenting his outfit when you two stand together.

He stands behind you and holds your hand bringing it to his throbbing hardness. You rub your fingers on him a little bit then turn towards him.

"I need to be out there to make sure you can ensure the perfect wedding for your cousin." You touch his cheeks.

"Wait for me here after the reception is over. I'll get here and then I'll make you make up for it" you nod giggling before you leave.

When you left the room, you had no idea this was the last time you were ever going to talk to him.

This was the last time you were ever going to see him.

You did come to the room and wait like he asked but instead of him a girl came.

Said she was just made his fiancé and was supposed to wait for him there like the bride had told her to.

You knew who the girl was. You knew where she sat. She was from a business family too.

In the end, like always you got proved wrong. Money emerged victorious over human emotions or feelings.

You might plan a thousand weddings after that but he will always remain a distinct memory. A mysterious man who won your heart in a way you could never describe.

#jungkook fanfic #jeon jeongguk #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts smut #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook oneshot #bts fanfic #jeongguk #jungkook x you #jungkook imagines #bts jungkook #jungkook angst

[coffeeadict61]

Humans Are Weird: Auditory Processing Disorder

Report # 306

Topic: Auditory Processing Disorder

APD: disorder of the auditory (hearing) system that causes a disruption in the way that an individual's brain understands what they are hearing.

Four days ago I was doing my monthly meeting with the electrical department, receiving updates on our monthly usage, needed parts, and checking up on general morale. (The transcript of that meeting is already turned in.) After the meeting we had refreshments and I discovered Lucy (previously mentioned in report #286) pouting in a corner. I inquired what was bothering her. She said, "The ship's head medic just diagnosed me with APD but he wasn't trained to treat it." I asked for further information on the condition. She listed several of her personal symptoms. "It means I don't always catch what people say. It feels like my brain doesn't want to listen. In one ear and out the other making me look stupid to however I talk to. It's connected to my misophonia, and the fact I was born really premature."

I was unsure how to comfort her so I made no effort. This seemed to work for Lucy kept speaking.

"And what's worse is there's nothing I can do! We don't have a speech therapist aboard or even any research materials! Its starting to affect my work performance. On top of decoding, hypersensitivity, and prosodic problems, I have integration issues which mean its really hard for me to focus on what people are saying when I'm doing something. Which freaking sucks when you're part of a team!" I had no clue what she was really talking about but gave her a hug (human gesture of enveloping one in your arms as a sign of comfort or safety), and she apologized for "venting" to me.

She then spoke on how her crew mates just thought she was "slow" or wasn't good at her job. They questioned if she was capable because she would follow directions incorrectly and she was worried she'd be replaced with someone "less problematic". I tried to assure her that I would help anyway I could on her behalf. Never again will I doubt a human's sincerity.

After some of my own personal research I have made a list of the different types and their definitions for your education on the subject:

Hypersensitivity – Hypersensitivity to sound is often diagnosed as misophonia or hyperacusis. Misophonia is when people have adverse physical reactions to sounds, such as becoming nauseated by the sound of chewing or slurping. Hyperacusis, on the other hand, is characterized by a sensitivity to sounds. For some, this means that white noise can be deafening, even causing physical pain.

Decoding – Decoding difficulties involve a lack of figuring out words that are spoken. They hear the sounds, but their brains do not process them as words.

Integration – Integration applies to those who struggle to do multiple things while listening. Such multi-tasking may be writing notes and listening, or having conversations while typing an email.

Prosodic – Prosodic refers to people who have trouble with tone, inflection, and implied meaning. A question and exclamation are processed identically in their brains. Their speech is also often monotone.

Organizational – Finally, organizational, or output, is often characterized by not recalling information in a specific order or having difficulty with noisy situations.

Honestly, Humans are so diverse and unpredictable. To think that different "problems" or " abnormalities " within their mind or body can lead to even more similar issues astounds me. They are so intricate in a way my species has never been. Despite the struggles that their disorders, and conditions being, I think it's strangely beautiful. Maybe that's just me, but I have a new appreciation for them.

I am requesting the presence of a speech therapist, whether physically or digitally, to be readily available to our crew. We must also add APD onto our medics research requirements. It is not an overly complicated subject to be fluent in. I also request that Lucy's diagnoses be added to her list of wrongful termination along with her gender, age, and race. No one should feel their position is at risk because of a disorder or disability. I also request that a written copy of daily instruction be printed for her if necessary. She is one of our best electricians and I mean to keep her employed here as long as she wants.

Human Observer #5743

#humans are weird #humans are space orcs #APD #auditory processing disorder #its an educational one folks #Lucy #Human Observer #Human observer5743 #Lucy is back #space #science fiction #sci fi #aliens #hope you like this one guys

[frownyalfred]

*busts down your doors* HEY! Long ask for ya

okay so I was rereading your fic where EMS showed up because Dick couldn’t flip on the trampoline (rip) and it got me thinking about routine trauma.

So here’s the thing: I am not EMS. I know three people who are EMS, but my extent of EMS experience comes from one (1) ride along and lurking on EMS subreddits. Those guys are a hoot. Great memes. Anyways.

A comment stuck out to me: “You haven’t truly lived the job until you’re eating a gas station burrito next to a dead body”. I’ve seen a bunch like that. Nonchalance and dark humor because well, that’s their job. Gore is the norm. Sure, depending on the area, your usual calls might just be lift assists, but other areas are neck deep in gang violence and violent crime.

A pretty common post on that subreddit is also, sadly, “I just got a call that’s never bothered me before but all of a sudden I’m broken” or “I’ve never had a problem running this type of call before but all of a sudden it just hit me.” Delayed trauma is a bitch. Someone pointed out that if a civilian saw a fatal car accident with multiple corpses, they’d be in therapy and given support and it’d be a huge deal. With EMS, they’re just expected to deal with it. (EMS mental health is getting better- there are helplines and resources and first responder focused therapies- but it’s still a developing field)

ANYWAYS, now that I’ve given you a crash course on the EMS mental health crisis (someone should really write a feature on EMS in Gotham those fuckers would be crazy and I love them already), my point is, how would this apply to the bats? Seeing bodies is treated as very much the norm to them, but do you think it ever just… catches up? The impact of seeing corpses day after day? Do you think they have to fake being fine and tough during those times because well, “everybody else in the family is fine with it, I’m not going to be a liability/burden/weak/etc”

Do you think Bruce, the goddamn batman, who shouldn’t be ruffled by anything, ever just feels something crack inside when he looks at a little boy who could have grown up healthy and strong like his Jason, had (Bruce) someone been there for him? and then he can’t work cases with kids for a week?

This is such an excellent ask, thank you so much for gracing my inbox with it!

It's a very good question. I'm also on a lot of those subreddits (needed to do some research for that fic) and the discussion in those forums and on TikTok is like you described, a kind of practiced desensitization to all gore and suffering in order to survive in their job.

What I've seen from those discussions (and my EMT friend) is an almost sub-conscious trend where they allow themselves the "thing" that breaks them, and they push a lot of that trauma and emotion onto that thing. Like an EMT saying they don't do kids, or they don't do gunshots to the eye, etc. And they'll sob like a baby on those calls, while remaining stone-faced and level-headed through the triple homicide.

I'm just theorizing here, but I imagine the Batfamily uses similar coping skills -- pushing all that trauma and suffering into a box which cracks only under limited, defined circumstances. And they break or snap only under those conditions, because, subconsciously, they allowed themselves to.

So yes, Bruce might be 99% fine with most of the bodies he sees, but there might be a little boy who has a detail (like Jason's dark hair) that just slams into him out of nowhere.

PTSD and trauma literally change the structure of the brain. Individuals react differently to trauma after that, but there does appear to be a "desensitizing" effect with repeated trauma, as the body tries to compensate.

I agree that the Gotham EMTs must be some crazy motherfuckers. They probably deal with 6x the normal shit EMTs deal with in other cities. They probably take on a lot more trauma and burn out quicker than other EMTs, too.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I admit I don't cover PTSD explicitly in a lot of my fics.

#ptsd #trauma tw #ptsd tw #death tw #bruce wayne #dc #batman #myfic #theresurrectionist #batfamily #batfamily meta #bruce wayne meta #batman meta #asks

[rageprufrock]

Hi Pru, this is a career question... I am in my mid-twenties, female, not quite the most junior employee at my organization but treated often as one. The workplace is highly male-dominated, competitive, the older supervisors sometimes hilariously old-boys'-club, and the younger men (my age) mean well (feminist, etc.) but have their own territories to defend. For complicated reasons I cannot leave. I knew some of this coming in but am ashamed to say that

You’ll love this: my response is so late because I too girlbossed too close to the sun and have accidentally reached mid-senior leadership status at my organization and the past month has been the most hilarious cluster of fucks. Insert clown emoji herey.

ANYWAY.

I have a few thoughts on this one, and hopefully one, or some, of these are helpful as you're navigating your early career.

To address your most immediate question: is it meant to be this hard? I think "is it meant" or "is it always" are two different questions, and each with branching answers completely dependent on your field and profession. Some are notorious for early career hazing--banking, medicine, etc--and then the answers are that the suffering is a feature, not a bug, for these industries (this can be debated ad nauseum but you know what I mean), and then for many, many other professions, the answer is that while it's not meant to be this difficult, it still is, and that it's all we can do to survive it.

But setting aside the macro issues, of whether the role itself is objectively hard or if the environment you're in is objectively sub-optimal, the more nebulous and inescapable thing is that each one of us, individually, in our early career are undergoing one of many puberties and all its attendant implied indignities. I find it weird that culturally we don't talk about this much--at least not in Western or the Eastern cultures with which I'm most conversational--but think about it: in the first five to ten years of your working life, you're often simultaneously navigating a staggering number of life-changing systemic shifts that have a tectonic impact on your lived experience. I

For a lot of us, beginning your life as a working adult means you're likely moving out of your parents' home, which adds a huge amount to your mental load and financial burden.

For a lot of us, these early professional jobs are also the first time we're operating in a performance-reward system for which there is no clear rubric or understandable progression monitoring--there aren't any grades, and I can't tell you the number of people who I've spoken to in my career who have been shocked when they're told they're being put on performance improvement plans even though they thought they were doing fine.

It's like being sent to college with no class list, textbooks hidden in eight different departments run by varyingly helpful people, while trapped in an inescapable group project run by someone who seems just as frazzled as you are, and told "okay well you should need to bring me your completed degree by EOD Thursday." This doesn't even take into account your genetic assignment to play this entire game on hard mode by failing to be a cisgendered man in the dominant cultural demographic.

People who've had multiple jobs and career changes can attest, every new job, no matter how seasoned you are, is fucking exhausting. It's almost a joke among my friends at this point how often I change jobs, and every single time I do, there's at least a six month run where at the end of every day, I'm fucking spent. I couldn't calculate 1+3 if my life depended on it, because I've spent my working day so furiously trying to read the professional tea leaves and figuring out what the actual fuck I'm supposed to be doing--which, funnily enough, is never as clear as you would think! Even if you are at increasingly senior levels of responsibility! It's really fun and good! Your boss's boss's leadership team meetings? Surprisingly similar to when I used go get coffee during my break working at an ice cream shop to complain about our customers and equipment and boss! It's amazing how no matter how much changes, everything stays the same!

So I think in the end, my answer to your question is this:

Is it meant to be this hard? Depending on what you do, maybe.

But should it be this hard? Of course not. Life is short and lush and wonderful, but already so filled with challenges, and it's a shame that being rooted in capitalism, we're all forced to participate in a system that's so unbending and unforgiving.

But does that mean it's going to be forever? Or that you can't survive and thrive and have fun in the process? Absolutely not.

However awful you feel, however bad the job is, it doesn't have to be forever. This role you're in now may be just what you need to find your next, better, better paid opportunity. And maybe that one won't be the ideal for more than a year, maybe two, but that's why you keep an eye out and a keen focus on what you want, and what's most important, and like a shark, you continue to move and grow as you get clearer on where you want to move and how you want to grow. The person I was at 24 could not have imagined the person I am at 38, and I'm guessing that the woman I am today can't fathom who I'll be in another 10 years. Whoever she is, I hope she's still choosing to do hard things and--to the very best of her ability--having a good time in the process.

It's okay to cry about work. It's okay to cry at work, even though I strongly recommend that you do this huddled in a restroom in privacy because otherwise it gets messy--fairly or otherwise. It's okay and normal to do these things. It's okay and normal to feel like a fucking disaster, to feel--or to in actuality!--be categorically failing. It is okay and normal to hate and love your job, and to love money and hate the work. There is no right way to do this, and the only wrong way is to give up on yourself, or to create a situation where you cannot have the freedom of your choices or your future.

It's also going to get easier with time. Even if you don't feel it, every day you're getting more experienced, more confident, more discerning. Those microscopic, atomic changes in you accrue, and I'm sure if you're honest with yourself you can already identify how even today, you are a stronger, more capable person in your professional context than you may have been just a year or two ago. Even if you don't mean to do it, just the experience, the bruises, the callouses from throwing yourself at the brick wall over time will rewrite the person you are--if you do this with your eyes open and intentionally, all the better.

Five years from now, ten years from now, you might still find yourself crying about work. But hopefully you'll share the good fortune I have been privileged enough to have, and find yourself the type of good friends who say, "don't care during work hours, it's beneath you to give them the satisfaction--cry later," and actually have the wherewithal to follow that extremely correct guidance.

So anyway, it shouldn't be this hard, but it is. The good thing is, you're better and stronger than it is, and you can look forward to the day you get to look over the shoulder at all the worlds you've conquered as you get ready to do it all over again.

💖

#advice #career advice

[musicalcastingideas]

Dropout Does Nerdy Prudes Must Die

I am a massive Dropout and Team Starkid fan (if the latter isn't obvious enough from looking at my reblogs) and I feel like there's a lot of overlap between the fandoms. My criteria for being considered a "Dropout Person" is anyone who has appeared on a Dropout show at least once, excluding guest appearances (so for example, Monet X Change counts because she's been on one season of D20 and an episode of Um, Actually, but Laganja Estranja doesn't count because she was only a guest on one of the Legally Not Survivor episode of Game Changer)

I will be trying to factor in voice types where I can, but there will be some instances where I just assume the person can sing the part, because I don't know if the person can sing or not. Also, I will be casting each of the individual parts, I know the actors in the OG cast play multiple parts, but there are so many talented people in the Dropout roster that I can cast each part individually.

Please enjoy. Also spoilers for Nerdy Prudes Must Die, I don't think I can talk about this without them. And also for Dimension 20's A Court of Fey and Flowers.

Max Jagerman: Grant O'Brien

I'll be honest, my main motivation for this one is that Grant looks a bit like Will Branner. He does play the heel really well, and I think he would do a great job playing Max, especially his more Freddy Kruger-esque quipping when he's dead.

Also, this is pretty niche, but in an old College Humour year-end video, where they all pick their favourite skits of the year (I think it was like 2018 or 2019?), Grant talks about how he thought it was really funny that in the Jocks and Nerds Both Think They're The Underdogs sketch, he was the closest thing the College Humour cast had to a jock, and this feels pretty similar to that.

Grace Chastity: Anna Garcia

She has a very unhinged "I am short and I will make that everyone else's problem" energy about her that you really need to play Grace. I think she would also do great with the physical comedy needed for the part.

Peter Spankoffski: Omar Najam

Awkward, nerdy guy who falls in love with the baddest bitch in the cast and would die for her. Am I describing Peter Spankoffski or Prince Andhera from A Court of Fey and Flowers? Also I want to hear Omar sing Cool as I Think I Am.

(This is a joke, love Binx but clearly Delloso De La Rue is the baddest bitch in A Court of Fey and Flowers)

Stephanie Lauter: Surena Marie

I don't have a real explanation for this one, this is vibes.

Richie Lipschitz: Ross Bryant

Watching Ross work his way through all the possible nerdy white guy rap options in Game Changer Karaoke cemented for him that he needs to play one of the nerds.

Ruth Flemming: Izzy Roland

A part that requires the performer to be deranged and horny? Call Izzy Roland!

Solomon Lauter: Brennan Lee Mulligan

Any Dimension 20 (or Critical Role: Exandria Unlimited) fan knows, Brennan is amazing at playing callous, cruel and manipulative characters, so Solomon Lauter is right in his wheelhouse.

Wiggly: Josh Ruben

Josh is so good at voices and playing weird characters, I would love to see his take on Wiggly.

Blinky: Erika Ishii

Erika Ishii is absolutely unhinged, I had to cast them as one of the Lords in Black. They could honestly be any one of them, but I picked Blinky because the voice Lauren Lopez does reminds me of Erika.

Nibbly: Lisa Gilroy

This one is also just vibes, but the vibes are correct.

Tinky: Zac Oyama

I am the head of the Zac Oyama As Weird Little Guys fan club, and what is Tinky if not a weird little guy? (who is also a chaotic evil eldritch being)

Pokey: Mike Trapp

I mainly just went off the vibes of the "What do you want Steph?" line, I think Mike would do well.

Detective Shapiro/Female Reporter in Hatchet town: Rashawn Nadine Scott

This is the only one I'm casting two parts, because they're both relatively small (and also I fully forgot that Bryce was not playing Detective Shapiro in Hatchet town until I checked the Genius page lol). Anyway, I think Rashawn would do great at acting as Detective Shapiro, but the main motivation behind this choice is that I want to hear her sing Bryce's part in Hatchet town. She would murder it as hard as Max murders nerdy prudes.

Officer Bailey: Jacob Wysoki

You need someone to chew scenery and throw props? Call Jacob Wysoki, he'll eat it up and go back for seconds

Brenda and Stacy: Jujubee and Monet X Change

I want to see them do the Go Go Nighthawks cheer, I think it would be amazing.

Jason and Kyle: Zeke Nicholson and Ify Nwadiwe

They both seem like the kind of guys to give butt slaps (consensually of course).

Mark and Karen Chastity: Zach Reino and Jess McKenna

They both have Awkward White Parent energy, and I think they would be very funny in this part.

Miss Tessburger: Vic Michaelis

Watching them play Vic Michaelis in Very Important People makes me think they would be great as the haughty assistant.

Miss Mulberry: Katie Marovitch

Katie just has "That nice teacher who lets students eat lunch in her classroom" energy.

Dan Reynolds: Lou Wilson

You need an icon to play an icon.

Emma and Paul : Emily Axford and Brian "Murph" Murphy

Dropout's iconic married couple to play Hatchetfield's iconic couple.

Hard Cuts:

Ify Nwadiwe as Max Jagerman:

He would have slayed the acting, but I assume based on his speaking voice that he's a baritone on the lower end of the range. However, if I am wrong about this and he could sing the tenor part, please treat him and Grant as tied for the part in my eyes.

Ross Bryant as Solomon Lauter

Vic Michaelis as Detective Shapiro

Erika Ishii as Ruth Flemming

Tao Yang as Peter Spankoffski

Jess Ross as Karen Chastity

Jacob Wysoki as Max Jagerman

Wayne Brady as Dan Reynolds

Aabria Iyengar as one of the Lords in Black

Anna Garcia as Blinky

Brennan Lee Mulligan as Wiggly

Lisa Gilroy as Grace Chastity

Grant O'Brien as Solomon Lauter

#musicals #team starkid #dimension 20 #fancast #please don't hate me #nerdy prudes must die #starkid npmd #npmd #hatchetfield #hatchetfield universe #hatchetverse #grace chasity #anna garcia #max jagerman #grant o'brien #peter spankoffski #omar najam #richie lipschitz #ross bryant #ruth fleming #izzy roland #solomon lauter #brennan lee mulligan #the lords in black #wiggly #wiggog y'wrath #josh ruben #nibblenephim #nibbly npmd #lisa gilroy

[codecicle]

WHATS POPPING‼️ I'm Ashton B Codecicle Gayboy Swagaythor and I use he/him they/them and it/its with no preference in between all of them. Dudebro Manguy who will be weird and freakish on your dashboard faggot-style :D👍

matching pfps with my boyfriend's @felixisfruity and my friend @originallymax ^_^

‼️ cc!wilbur and cc!dream stans fuck off. if i talk about them im always talking about their characters (my ocs) ‼️

HELLO!! gaze apon ye affront to god and despair. if me or any of my posts have made you deeply sigh with shame and regret then i may be entitled to financial compensation! cashapp me 20 bucks rn

also! am a minor ^_^ so i wont be drawing the labia ghoul as i am 14 years of age smiley face (<- inside joke)

I LOVE TALKING TO MUTUALS AND FRIENDS AND BUDDIES AND HOMIES. COME TALK TO ME I HAVE A DISCORD SERVER YOU SHOULD DM ME FOR THE LINK OOOOOOOO YOU WANNA JOIN CLUB CREPUSCULE SO BADDDDDDDDDDD OOOOOOOO

number ONE codeflippa and qcharlie enthusiast. if anyone tells u otherwise run very very fast in the other direction and dont look back its me boy im the ps5 speaking to you inside ur brain listen to me boy

mcyt is my special intrest im never leaving this place until the day i die. qsmp dsmp osmp scu smplive cogchamp sdmp epicsmp.. my servers.... <3 i also watch chuckle sandwich and jrwi + most mcyt adjacent people

I do not make sideblogs and never plan on it! outside of!! url hoarding and my singular jrwi gimmick blog/son @has-chip-beaten-the-allegaytions I'm a Chip "Bastard" James JRWI enthusiast btw ^_^)

albatrio are transexuals and faggots and in queer platonic t3t love i dont care about jrwitwt they can explode. sad! 💥💥💥💥

also also im a grimeduo guy. a big one. being both a slimer and an inniter at the same time is like a full time job of being transgender but i somehow manage. who up beastin

if you ever want to listen to my scu propaganda and start watching it i ramble about it a little bit in this ask

i am learning french btw!! charlie and baghera mental illness strikes again (chose the class before the qsmp started and has now managed to make practicing a language into something about my special interests to make me more intrested in it) ((YOU WANNA SEND ME ASKS IN FRENCH. YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO ME IN FRENCH. YOU NEED TO GIVE ME FRENCH PRACTICE. ITS MEEEE BOY IM THE FUCKING PS5 FREE WILL IS AN ILLUSION))

collection of people being normal about me.

(my chip hater blinkies and normal about father-child dynamics shirt were both made by felix!! <3 this egg is transgender image was made by @/foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland </3 and the juanaflippa divider can be used with credit to the artist!! it was made by @/etoilesbienne)

tag list ahead! if you ever need me to tag something just send me an ask or dm and let me know i will ALWAYS say yes i want people to be safe. that being said i do talk about triggering topics from time to time and my intrests are often gore/body horror filled like genloss or bitb so keep that in mind!! i will still tag them properly but i am a walking trigger warning PLEASE stay safe :DD

original posts -> i make yet anothet post just for me 👍

important things ive gottta find multiple times -> saving for later

i am arguably a pink core (the typa shit ballincat43 is on) person and you can pry that from my cold dead hands so here is the tag for it LMAO -> me core

qsmp -> qsmp

qsmp fanart -> qsmp art

absurdly powerful dnd podcast posting -> jrwi (i also tag the individual characters)

liveblogging newer jrwi episodes or jrwiepisodes with spoilers -> jrwilb

gayass military game posting -> cod

generation loss -> genloss

jerma -> jerma is a fucking cryptid

liveblogging -> liveblogging

ask tag -> we have mail :]

best asks I've ever received -> askbox hall of fame

slimecicle cinematic universe -> scu

autism² (risk of rain) -> ror2

self rb -> reblogging my own post

the mcu / mutual cinematic universe -> little rp thing I do with my friends ^_^

tag for elliot (my boyfriend) -> my love felix <3 <3

pokemon (autism³) -> poketag

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #flashing images #image id in alt text #^_^

[soupthatistohot]

why it's called Meursault and why that's the correct spelling

(plus other related thoughts because I'm a nerd)

BSD s4 spoilers ahead!

With s4 of BSD airing, we've finally arrived to the point where Dazai has been arrested and is imprisoned with Fyodor in Meursault. With this, I noticed that depending on the streaming service people are using, in the subtitles, Meursault is spelled differently (Mersault vs Meursault).

There is a correct spelling. It's Meursault. I know this because (surprise, surprise!), this name is a literary reference!

The Stranger is a story by French-Algerian author Albert Camus (1913-1960), and one of his most well-known works, the main character of which is named Monsieur Meursault (hence the spelling). I don't think there would be any spelling discrepancy with this name because it's French in origin, meaning that it's spelled using the roman alphabet. There would be no reason to eliminate that extra "u".

Other names that are translated from languages that use different alphabets having multiple spellings are more understandable. For example, Chuuya's name in Japanese hiragana (one of multiple alphabets the Japanese use) looks like this: ちゅうや. I don't know much about etymology or anything, but I assume the fact that because Chuuya's name doesn't originally come from the roman alphabet is why it has multiple spellings in English (Chuuya vs Chūya). This would not be the case for Meursault, though, because there's no discrepancy there. French and English use the same alphabet.

Okay and now I wanna be a literary nerd for a second — spoiler warning for The Stranger in the next paragraph, if you care about that.

At the conclusion of the story, Monsieur Meursault is arrested for murder and goes to prison, where he accepts his death as inevitable and is at peace. I suspect that the fact that in the BSD universe Meursault is a French prison has to do with the character's fate, but I wonder if the part about accepting death will somehow play into it? I don't know how much Asagiri is letting the inspiration for the prison's name influence his storytelling....

And on that note, I also think it makes so much sense that Asagiri would have an interest in Camus' work! Albert Camus was an author, yes, but also notably a philosopher who believed strongly in absurdism — the idea that life is meaningless, essentially.

This point of view isn't quite as dark as it seems, because for some absurdists, it just meant that it was up to the individual to create meaning within their own life. One of my favorite quotes from Camus is "The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”

Part of the reason I think this makes sense for Asagiri is because BSD is very much about its characters searching for a meaning of life. Dazai is searching for a reason to stay alive by helping people as Oda told him to, Atsushi is slowly overcoming the idea that his meaning of life is solely to help others, Akutagawa is slowly overcoming the idea that Dazai is his reason to live, etc. etc..

It also makes sense because Kafka Asagiri is a pseudonym. The given name Kafka is taken from another famous absurdist author, Franz Kafka (1883-1924). He wasn't a philosopher like Camus, and actually, he wasn't really even known in his lifetime for his writing. He worked a day job as a banker, which he hated, and at night he wrote. His stories often touched on the absurdity of bureaucracy, and were far less realistic and more ridiculous than Camus' work (ever read The Metamorphosis?). But they were similar in that they called out hypocrisy and the innate absurdity of life.

So basically, that's why it didn't surprise me at all that Asagiri was also familiar with Camus' work, and liked it enough to include a reference to it in BSD.

I was also just genuinely delighted to learn this as someone who is really interested in Camus! I read one of this other works, The Plague, in high school and this past summer I read The Stranger. His work is really cool to me, and though it's dense at times, I like that it's thought-provoking. It was also interesting to see the parallels between The Plague and the Covid pandemic... it's quite spooky how not much really changes.

Anyway! Thanks for reading my nerdy little ramble! I hope you got something out of it and please share your own thoughts if you have any, I'd love to hear them :)

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd s4 spoilers #bsd s4 #meursault #literary reference discussion #kafka asagiri #albert camus #franz kafka #absurdism #soup rants

[i-heart-hxh]

What do you think Killua's training consisted of? And you think he got the same amount of torture training as his siblings? I'm a little confused because It's hard to think of how the Zoldyck family would set up their assassin training. Thanks!

Hello! This is another of those Zoldyck questions where canon doesn't give us the clearest answers, but I'll put together what I can and try to make reasonable guesses with the rest! A lot of it remains mysterious, and I don't think it's likely we'll get significantly more clarity as the series goes, though I certainly could be wrong.

First off, my assumption is that there's a whole complicated process that the Zoldyck kids go through in their training, most likely something that's been refined for generations. If you look at how complicated even the system with the butlers is (the Zoldycks even have a school for butlers on their property!) for instance, I can only imagine how thoroughly set up and well thought out the training is for the kids. However, I'm guessing this is something that can be adjusted to account for individual differences, and it may involve trial and error as well.

(One of my reasons for saying this is it feels to me like Illumi and Milluki were treated somewhat differently--I think it's possible Illumi didn't turn out how they hoped with extremely strict training as the eldest child, and it might have messed him up, and then they ended up being "too lax" on Milluki after that. You could argue it's just personality differences, but to me they feel like the results of too strict/not strict enough upbringing in a way that may be intentional.)

We know that Killua learned and mastered darts as part of his training. The kids are likely taught skills like this that will apply to assassination techniques and train their coordination/depth perception/etc., probably as a lead-up to more intensive/hands on training.

We also know Killua has been taught to resist poison and electricity. With the poisons, I think they were added to their foods in small increments that increased over time, and with the electricity it was probably similar in the sense that they were shocked more and more intensely over time until they had a higher tolerance for it. This probably applied to other things as well--pain tolerance as a whole, going without sleep, other forms of tolerance (heat, cold, holding their breath, just off the top of my head?) that might be useful as assassins.

I'm sure there was extensive physical training of multiple kinds, including training with weights similar to what we saw in the butlers' quarters perhaps, and probably some sort of schooling on the family history, physiology of the human body, and assassination techniques, among other subjects. I'm sure the kids receive a thorough education, both in the assassin sense and in general.

We also know Killua was at Heavens Arena for two years, from ages 6 to 8, and he was left without any money. It's actually surprising to me that the assumed heir of the family (if he was deemed such by then, we don't know that for sure) was left there, but if I were to guess probably Gotoh or someone accompanied him, though canon doesn't say anything about this. (Or at the very least someone must have been tailing him/monitoring him without his awareness, there's no way they weren't keeping an eye on him.)

It's disturbing to think about, but I wonder if the Zoldycks would somehow obtain people that they could sacrifice to training the kids early on in their training process. Maybe death row inmates or something? We've seen a lot of questionable human rights in the HxH world, so it wouldn't surprise me. We also know for instance that love affairs between the butlers are punishable by death, so things like that could potentially be a source of people for the kids to learn on...

I assume after a certain point in their training/at a certain age, the kids would move on to actually taking on lower rank assassination jobs and learn directly through that. Canon has mentioned a few times that Killua has killed a fairly large number of people (though no actual numbers are given) and he refers to himself as a professional assassin, so maybe this started after he got back from Heavens Arena or something like that?

There also must be a timeline for when the kids start to learn nen as well. We know Killua hasn't learned about nen by the time he rebels and escapes, so it's possibly something the kids learn when they're a bit older, perhaps once the family deems that they've mastered the other aspects of the training. They may have been holding off on teaching Killua about nen to keep him under control as well, with the help of Illumi's needle.

There does seem to be a certain level of favoritism towards Killua in the Zoldyck family due to his talents. We know he's favored to some degree by at least Silva, Kikyo, and Zeno, and he receives preferential treatment from them. Zeno in particular is described as being soft towards him (we see this within the series itself as well), and Zeno employs Gotoh and Canary, who are the only butlers Killua truly trusts.

Again, there's no way to know when Killua was deemed the heir, but I do assume he was given more attention than the rest of his siblings as a result. I can't decide if his position in the family means he would have gotten stricter or less strict training overall, more likely a mixture of both. On one hand, he was likely held to a higher standard, and on the other hand, it was probably easier for him to meet those standards, so they may not have had to push him as hard. His cockiness and behavior at the beginning of the series makes me think he was praised a lot, and he was used to succeeding and being superior to his siblings. Of course, regardless his upbringing was clearly very traumatic and difficult for him.

I hope this is helpful! A lot of it is guesses, but I think they're at least educated guesses based off canon. Even though it's left vague, there's still a lot to this topic, so I may have overlooked some aspects, but I did my best to give a thorough response within reason. If anyone thinks of things to add on, feel free. Thanks for asking!

#hunter x hunter #hxh #killua #zoldyck family #asks #anonymous #my posts #meta

[archivalofsins]

There’s a conversation to be had around the similarities of two prisoner’s stories within Milgram. All the prisoners' stories have similarities of course but I'd like to focus on two that I personally haven't seen compared that much. Now the reason I may not have seen many comparisons is because I'm just woefully inactive in the tags in general. I don't look in Milgram tags on any platform.

So, please excuse me if you've seen something like this before. The prisoners that I’ll be discussing today are Prisoner 007 Kazui Mukuhara and Prisoner 010 Kotoko Yuzuriha. So, let’s have a fun discussion for a bit.

To no one’s surprise this all comes down to lying.

Kazui is known for lying within Milgram. Kazui’s inclusion in the cast serves the purpose of highlighting the dishonesty of his peers through himself. If Kazui can blatantly admit to being a practiced liar, then what does that say about the rest of the cast.

This same concept is repeatedly highlighted over the trial one interrogations through Es stating at the beginning of each one that the prisoners can lie. Blatantly reminding who they are interrogating that they are not obligated to be honest with him that it is their job as the warden, Milgram's (through the song extraction), as well as fans to figure out what the truth actually is.

So, it's of no concern to them if the prisoners are honest or not. At the end of the day, it is Es' job to discern the truth of the situation. These statements call to attention to the fact that no individual needs to incriminate themselves or admit to wrongdoings in the face of authority figures. Along with the very human inclination to lie and make oneself look better than they were/are to avoid consequences. This is highlighted again through the birthday interaction Kazui has with Yuno (on her birthday) during this trial.

I’m getting ahead of myself, though. First let’s talk about why Kazui lies.

Kazui purports to lie for the sake of those around him. Stating on multiple occasions that telling the truth is what led to his crime. That if he just kept lying it would have been better for the sake of those around him.

In Half he laments no longer being capable of lying to himself about his own feelings. Projecting his internal issues on those around him. Still trying to continue the lie for their sake. In every lyric lamenting how, his heart has changed while someone else’s never will. Reeling over why the things he purposefully cast to the wayside are back to question him now.

Avowing that this heart of his is about to disappear while asking for someone to please tell him what to do before it does. In a very similar way to how Yuno repeatedly asks in Umbilical.

“Please tell me what I should do, my heart will float away and disappear.”- “What do you want to do? Please tell me.”

Asking those around him how he should perform in contrast to Yuno asking those around her how they want to proceed. Kazui is once again trying to go up on that stage to give the appearance he believes those around him want. Putting on an act for an audience of one. The first one being himself and the next one being his victim. Presenting that best version of himself that they’ve built up in their minds.

At first he did this to defend himself because,

“It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself.”

*What comes after this is my interpretation of this translation as such it may not be completely accurate.*

23/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday) Kazui: You’ve been helping Shidou-kun, right? That’s a bit surprising. You didn’t seem to be the type to concern yourself with others. Yuno: Hmm, what’s this all of a sudden? It’s not like you’re wrong, I’m not really that interested in people. Under other circumstances I wouldn’t even bother- But if someone is about to die in front of me, I’ll help out. That’s just normal, isn’t it? Don’t you view it that way too, Kazui-san? Despite helping too, you don’t really seem invested on a fundamental level either. Kazui: …Maybe. I’m not as sharp as Kashiki-chan. I was brought up in a world that was all about physical strength. So, I’ve never even thought about things like that. Yuno: Haha, we’re both liars, aren’t we? The only difference between us is our reasons for lying. You lie to protect yourself, because you’re important in your own eyes. For me, no one is particularly important- Even myself.

And,

“If I were to make sure and suffer, I would rather be by your side. Laughing together, side by side, this distance in our relationship is misleading me, is this what happiness is?”

If the only options are pain or pain in good company many people would choose the latter. Like he says in Cat,

“The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t. I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream.”

In a situation where all roads lead to pain and suffering, where no one comes out unscathed. Every possible option is a futile attempt at delaying the inevitable and one’s only choices are burn alone or together. What would a person rather choose a lie that hurts themselves or a truth that hurts everyone?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Kazui’s sin isn’t as simple as being dishonest because dishonesty is a given in life. The reasons people lie by every definition are varied and intricately painful. Not just on those lied to but those doing the lying as well. Yet, honesty can be just as painful. It can be ruthless and selfish. Because people rarely come off as being honest to benefit the other person.

A person can be honest with the best of intentions, but those intentions don’t determine how the person they’re being honest with will take their words. There’s no way to let a person down gently, at times the only thing a person is going to be able to do in life is let them down. Sometimes a disappointment isn’t a learning experience but just a disappointment. It’s just a moment where someone dejectedly goes,

“You’re not the person I thought you were.”

A moment that hurts everybody. Both a situation and sentiment that Kazui is all too familiar with. Something he can’t help but be sympathetic to and disgusted by. Because it’s something he’s done himself. He’s looked at someone and got an idea of them that they could never live up to. He thought someone could be something for him that they couldn’t and knows good and well where these expectations lead.

Second Trial Teaser Movie

“Er, so…… could you listen to what I say without laughing? I……”

The Second Trial Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Line

“Hinako, I love you more than anything.”

Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Subbed Line

“I’m so dumb… Why did I have to dream?”

"I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

"I can’t STOP, I can’t be NORMAL."/ "Tell me why you tell me, “STOP”?"

Kotoko is at the stage of her life Kazui used to be at. Lying to herself saying that what she's doing is for the sake of others. Yet, in actuality, everything that she's been doing has all been for herself.

From the very beginning she never asked for others to understand. For them to agree with her methods or reasoning. Telling us loud and clear why she does the things she does from the start.

Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Subbed Line

"This feels so good."

Second Trial Teaser Movie

"What do you think? Does it hurt? Purge complete. This is the appropriate punishment."

The Second Trial Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Line

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing Earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

"It’s ok to dislike, right?"

Only using others as a justification for what she already wanted to do.

Make yourselves my reason.

From the beginning she only wanted-

A reason for judgment execution.

The people around her supply that reason to her. Outside of that she couldn't care less about how they feel about her behavior or what they think of her.

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"/"Don’t you dare stop now."

As long as they don't stop giving what she wanted to do in the first place a meaning.

"If it damaged someone’s dream to the points of stopping it."

If they don't damage her dream to the point of stopping it.

"Tell me why you tell me, “Stop”. "

As long as they're weak, if they can't defend themselves, if wrong doers exist then she can-

"Laugh and I can get to like myself."

She can keep-

"Drowning in the knowledge that I am right."

But if someone gets in the way of that. Tells her what she's doing is excessive or too much. Then they're just trampling on her reason to live her dream. Kotoko lies to herself stating that she's doing what she does for the sake of those around her.

Saying that,

Q.12 What is your motto? Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.” [TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.]

Yet, the truth is it's the only way that she can live with herself. It's the only way that she can satisfy and validate her own abnormal existence.

I feel like I’m going crazy after straining my nerves. The person that can’t be saved, is now understanding the abnormality.

"That’s why I became your fangs as the long-awaited hero."/ "Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true..."

Q.19 Do you want to be forgiven? Kazui: I don’t know. If I’m being honest, I do kind of want my weakness to be pardoned. Q.03 Do you think any other prisoners who committed the same sin as you deserve to be forgiven? Kotoko: Of course. Haven’t I already said that I believe my actions have been correct?

Both wanting to be forgiven accepted as they are. Yet, both refusing to accept others outside of their own terms.

"I just wanted to touch, to caress. I just wanted to be touched."/ "I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target."

Both caressing the morals and feelings they held so dear.

Yet, slowly corrupting them through realizing the meaning these things held were nothing more than convenient excuses. One tearing apart the lie through their own will and the other clinging to it with bloody hands because it's the only thing left for them to stand on. The only thing that can tell them they're right anymore.

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings? Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again. Q.18 Do you regret your “murder”? Kazui: I regret it. I wish I could’ve just kept lying. Q.12 What is your motto? Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.”[TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.] Q.13 Do you have any regrets? Kotoko: No. Q.15 Which is more important, the objective or the means? Kotoko: Objective. Does that not go without saying?

Because as long as the goal is good, then the means to get there don't matter.

The biggest difference between them is that Kazui longs for the verdict of Innocent and Kotoko Guilty. Kazui asking Es to base their verdicts not on their beliefs but on what's safest and Kotoko asking us to simply hate evil for what it is without sparring sympathy for the prisoners.

Pointing out how we wouldn't care if she did this to these criminals if it wasn't for the fact we know them all while Kazui brings up how natural it is to lie for the people you care about if it means they won't get hurt.

Both trying to encourage the audience to do what they believe to be the best thing over the course of trial two.

"Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."/ "Hate evil as the evil that it is! Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Both asking the audience these opposing questions.

How far should someone be allowed to go just because they care for someone? Is anything and everything on the table? Is there no lie too big and no action too harmful? How far should someone be allowed to go just because of how much they dislike a certain person or action? How far should even our best intentioned and moral biases be allowed to go? Is there no limit to the harm one should be allowed to cause in the name of justice and peace?

Does the blood stain less based on the reason behind the bleeding? Or does it stick just the same.

Say that sympathy is useless.- Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye.

Follow the King of the Masquerade./Come on, rely on me, go on.

Give me the verdicts of GUILTY.-INNOCENT, isn’t that right?

To be caressed by you, that would be perfection.- They’re still here, still here, it grates me.

#milgram #kazui mukuhara #kotoko yuzuriha

[marzipanandminutiae]

In yesterday’s Dracula Daily update, Mina mentions she is “only taking one change of dress”. 1) Was this a common occurrence for short trips or because of the circumstances? 2) Would both dresses be ‘traveling dresses’? 3) I’m assuming one dress means the top-most layer & she packed multiple chemises, etc. Could other undergarments (i.e. petticoats) be re-worn between washes? 4) Would she have been able to launder her clothing while travelling? Thank you.

Good questions!

While I'm not 100% sure, I believe her mentioning that she's only taking one change of dress is because that's such an unusual thing to do. To my eyes, it highlights how quick and desperate her flight to Jonathan is: she's dropping everything and preparing only the bare minimum so she can get to him as quickly as possible. I believe it would have been more common, for a trip all the way to Hungary, to bring the full trunk she's opting to have Lucy keep in readiness for her instead.

Given Mina's practical nature I'm going to assume they're both travelling dresses, but I suspect that could vary from person to person in similar circumstances. Eg she might pack two travelling dresses- hard-wearing materials, colors unlikely to show the soot and dirt of rail travel, skirts that clear the ground, etc. -but another woman might have chosen one travelling dress and one fancier dress. That seems like a more individual question to me.

She would almost certainly pack multiple chemises or pairs of combinations, yes. Anything that didn't touch the skin directly could definitely be re-worn between washes, unless it got particularly dirty (and even then, sponging the hems of one's petticoats and even outer skirts was a common way to remove dirt without a full wash).

As for laundry, Mina likely didn't do it herself even at home- it was quite common to send your clothes out to a laundress, even for middle-class families and individuals. As you can see in Bernadette Banner's recent video, laundry was a strenuous multi-day undertaking back then, which is why people could make decent money doing it as a full-time job. Anyone who could remotely afford to outsource it, did. I haven't done deep research on this, but it's my impression that most hotels of the caliber Mina's likely to be staying at would employ a laundress (or multiple) on their staff to wash guests' clothes.

#ask #anon #history #1890s #dracula daily #dress history #social history #I'm always slightly baffled by pop history sources that insist everyone did their own laundry and made all their own clothes #in the 19th century #like. if that's true then why were Seamstress and Laundress/Washerwoman viable occupations? #what do you think they were sewing and laundering? #the 1% are by definition a small category of society so there couldn't be enough business from them alone #to support entire thriving trades around making and washing clothes #that's not to say NOBODY did it themselves. of course people did #but like. clearly not everyone who wasn't rich

[smytherines]

Extremely specific neurodivergent curtwen headcanons that crack me like an egg:

ADHD Agent Mega is practically fan canon at this point, but I feel like we focus on him being bored & fidgeting more than other ADHD issues. Like I imagine so much of his macho guy bluster is 1. from being gay in a homophobic society, but also 2. From Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I dunno, something about the way he gets so flustered and defensive when people criticize him (which happens constantly)?

I've been thinking about maybe Curt being dyslexic? Like maybe he doesn't read briefings because they're already difficult to focus on, but also they're literally difficult to read? He mixes up information no matter how hard he tries. He's learned to stop trying and pretend he's just too cool for that nerd shit, but whenever someone gives him a hard time for screwing up he takes it really really personally? He has big emotional outbursts, which is especially tough as a closeted gay man in the 1950s-1960s

I have a lot of headcanon about autistic Owen Carvour, but it's kinda weird because he's canonically the villain of SAF, and that tends to stray uncomfortably into "he was always a monster" OR "the fall made him into a monster." So with autistic Owen headcanon it veers too close to saying that being autistic made him a monster (yikes, no) or that becoming disabled (no way in hell he doesn't have chronic pain issues after all that) made him a monster (also yikes, no).

So for me, the way that I frame it is like... okay so Owen is literally masking in the show, but I think about what that says about him that one of the major details we know about him is that he is very good at pretending to be other people. I'm a heavily masked autist myself, so this really resonates with me. With autistic men there are some very specific stereotypes like math, bad at social interaction, etc. But I think Owen would have a profile more stereotypically attributed to women: being hyper aware of everything around him, using "movie talk" or just remembering interactions with others and having a script. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like you enter a situation and you can more or less suss out what people are expecting from you in that situation, so you just flip through your mental rolodex of phrases and deliveries and ways to stand and hold your face that align with their expectations of you. You become adept at blending in.

I would fully believe that Owen reads every briefing multiple times and has charts and diagrams, and maybe before the fall part of why he does that is that he knows Curt is a talented agent but just struggles with that part of the job, and Owen feels protective of him. Like he gets that Curt is impulsive and feels the need to be a counterweight to that. It feels like Curt blocks out information and takes in stimuli, and Owen blocks out stimuli but takes in as much info as humanly possible.

Then there's all the villain shit obviously. This is extreme headcanon territory, but one part of being autistic is what they call the "autistic sense of justice." That absolutely does not mean that autistic people have some preternatural ability to be eternally on the right side of history, we all have our individual identities and experiences coloring what we consider "justice," but just on a personal level being autistic and becoming disabled radicalized me. It led to me becoming anti-capitalist & anti-imperialist. It drastically changed my perception of right and wrong because I had to interrogate my own understanding of power, the way the concept of "crime" is created (like you get jail time for shoplifting, but your boss doesn't get punished at all for stealing money out of your paycheck).

I've already done ridiculous long posts about the political stuff, but I do think that an autistic person, especially one who has gone through a massive trauma, might come through it with a new understanding that the US/UK governments are actually pretty awful, that ignorant brutes shouldn't be in charge of politics and information.

I dunno I probably have more but I've already dumped too much here

#spies are forever #owen carvour #agent curt mega #curtwen #ND curtwen #autistic owen #adhd agent mega

[banned-for-horny]

why do people wanna hurt Robin so badly??

i'm trying to understand it, but i can't. he can be annoying at times, sure, but he's one of the least annoying LIs in my opinion. sure, Robin not getting a real job and having to pay for him is a hassle, but you don't have to have him as an LI if you really don't want to, and still keep him safe--just don't raise his "lust" stat high enough to trigger the scene.

no genuine hate towards anyone who dislikes Robin, i'm just trying to understand why y'all would wanna go so far as to drag him down to the UB with you, just to watch and make him suffer. it just confuses me.

I'm gonna put on my serious hat for this one just because I think it's an important topic that extends not only to my personal takes on characters but also the common trend of "because you do this immoral act, you must endorse it in real life!" that is in a lot of fandoms. This fandom is still relatively small and maybe I'm preaching to the choir, but still, it feels like a message I need to put out there sometimes.

Especially when new people keep joining.

Before I go on my tangent, I'll just sum it up as "it's fictional, do whatever you want."

How a character responds to suffering is fascinating and sometimes just a fun way to explore their personality. How do they respond to having their life on the line or their individuality stripped away? How does Robin act based on their level of confidence? As for people who avidly dislike Robin, it's their opinion and they have the right to that.

Now, personally, I adore Robin. Love Robin. All of my mutuals can vouch for that.

I also like angst and suffering. A lot. I think it's fun and considering what DoL is as a game, it's entertaining. I sent Robin's ass to the UB because I wanted to see the scenes and how they are compared to being there alone, and I wanted to see Robin crack like a lil egg. High Confidence Robin is very entertaining and I love him.

I also imagine people who hate Robin would do the same shit. Idk, I'm not a Robin hater. I have sent Kylar's ass to prison multiple times, though. I also have a friend who despises Whitney and always chooses to send them to the UB during their dismissal event. The one time they didn't, they beat Whitney's ass so often that their dominance stat literally disappeared from their tabs.

If it's not your thing to put your little guys through Hell, then that's perfectly fine!

But as someone who actively went out of his way to go collect alll Robin's Punishments and UB scenes (which is under #sorry robin if anyone is curious lol), you can see where my stance lies. It's just fun. Harmless fictional fun.

In summary.

#degrees of lewdity #answered stuff #is this an overly serious response? probably #but i will always take the opportunity to remind people that people are free to enjoy their fictional tastes whenever #so yeah enjoy this one

[autistpride]

Talking about echolalia and scripting and the difference.

Echolalia is when an autistic individual repeats, or echoes, words, sounds, or phrases that they have heard.

Echolalia is often considered to be used more by those who are nonverbal, but all people can do it. Nonverbal is a term used by medical community to express that the person is unable to use language in a conventional "functional" way.

Echoing can be immediately after hearing something or delayed. Delayed is when the echo occurs later and sometimes in different situations. The delay could be hours, days, or even years later.

"Be careful so you don't fall!"

"careful, be careful, don't fall, be careful."

"Yup be careful."

"You did it!"

"Great job you're awesome!"

"Yes you are awesome!"

Echolalia is actually a normal part of early childhood development and expected of children during early language development.

However, in some autistic individuals they still use echo phrases past this developmental point.

As communication develops, either through verbal language, sign, pecs, or AAC than echolalia diminishes.

A lot of people falsely believe that it serves no purpose and no communicative meaning at all.

Echolalia isn't meaningless.

There are multiple reasons for echolalia.

-To declare that they heard the speaker

-to give extra processing time to understand and compose a response

-to request something

-to respond to a request or question

-to rehearse a situation

-to remember something

-to process and follow commands

-to provide conversation back and forth

-to give information

-to label and show recognition

-to protest or express joy

-to self regulate.

Scripting is the knowing repetition of words, phrases, or sounds from other people's speech. Such as an autistic individual reciting lines from movies, commercials, books, etc.

Scripting is language in the social sense as it has a purpose: to share meaning, to socialize, and to express feelings, communicate experiences, rehearse situations, and stim.

Scripting is seen as abnormal because the individuals are verbal, but the way we use our verbal language is not considered conventional.

Scripting for rehearsing is essentially practicing what we would say before we say it. Like when making a phone call, placing an order, or communicating with someone.

Scripting in social situations is a very common scenerio for all people, not just autistic individuals.

These society scripts are confusing to autistic individuals because we don't understand why the small talk or these questions are asked with no desire to an actual response. But following learning them, it's confusing when someone does not follow the script.

"Hi how are you?"

"Hello. I'm good thanks and you?"

"I'm good thank you"

This is an example of a social script. The first person doesn't actually want to know how you are and the second person responds with good even if they are in fact not doing well. They also know it's the social norm to ask that question in return.

When people follow the script most of society follows, it makes it easier for autistic individuals to handle social situations.

"Hi how are you?"

"Oh man today has been so busy."

In this situation the autistic individual either caused awkwardness to the first person by actually responding or the other person has caused confusion and anxiety to the autistic person by not following the social script and they initially may not not know to respond.

So to summarize, echolalia and scripting both serve a purpose!

"Actually I have heard those things, about a thousand times, but never have they been told to me with so much sass. Drop the attitude. You are acting like Garfield on a Monday."

"All right, well I'm not surprised. C'mon, let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!" ❤️

#autism acceptence month #autism #autism acceptance #asd #autistic pride #autistic #autistic adult #actually audhd #audhd

[discourseposter]

HOW DO YOU GET THAT VINTAGE LOOK I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR AGES I don't want to buy a polaroid

Doesn't show but I'm actually excited as fuck about it. I've been a photographer for like, what, six years? maybe seven? I have a trusty DSLR that might be old by today's standards but still takes beautiful, professional quality pictures. I've tried all kinds of flashes and filters to get this sort of look but you know what did it? My mom's early 2000s camera. Yeah, one of these

that picture was taken with the camera on the left, a Samsung ST66, I would consider it a midrange 2010s digital camera in regards to the quality and liberty of adjustments. the camera on the right is my backup for the day, a Kodak Easyshare C142, your average economic family camera (everyone knows someone who owns one of these I believe)

Highest chances are, you probably have someone in your family with a digicam abandoned on some drawer because people don't use these anymore, they've abandoned them in favor of their phones. If this isn't the case, you can probably get one on a secondhand store or eBay, for pretty cheap!

(I don't have many recommendations, other than probably get one that's over 12mp, with at least 3x zoom, preferably from 2010 or newer. As to brands, it's a lottery. People recommend the Nikon Coolpix a lot (I love Nikon sensors so I can vouch for that much) or Olympus and Canon cameras. Despite what you may believe, Kodak hasn't made a good digital sensor since, well, never, so I wouldn't personally recommend it a lot)

Why a digicam?

why not!! here's two features of your digicam that your phone doesn't have:

- analog zoom: you know when you're zooming in on one of these and the lens starts making noises and moving around? that's the multiple individual lenses in your camera moving around so that you can zoom in three, five, or even ten times the size of your picture without losing any quality. what your phone does when you zoom in, in opposition, is basically cropping the picture you're taking. digital zoom is inherently lossy — not to mention the angular graduation of phone lenses causes the image to have some distortion in comparison to the way we see (yeah, this is why you look ugly on your pictures but pretty in the mirror)

- big, harsh, blinding flash: this is THE MAIN THING, the main element of that "polaroid look". These types of cameras have a limited or nonexistent aperture range, so they overcompensate by turning on auto flash. This overcompensation results in a very characteristic look that makes us feel nostalgic. when taking night pictures, turn that flash on!!!

and, here are two features of your digicam that a professional camera doesn't have:

- small, harsh, crappy flash: see: above. DSLR's built in flashes... They do the job. Everyone knows if you need the real deal you gotta get one of those big fancy fixtures, but also, Nikon doesn't want you taking crappy pictures with their camera so they put some work into defusing the flash and shit so it's not as crappy and harsh. Joke's on them, we kinda like that!!

- smaller, cheaper, limited, overall CRAPPIER: and you know what? That's good. A point and shoot cam is good actually!! we get lost in features and lenses and sometimes it's a bit much. A small portable camera with its so many limitations can help us focus on composition and storytelling, and mainly just... Having fun!!! photography used to be about having fun, remember? whether you're out on your own or with friends, you and other people will take your crappy digicam wayyy less seriously than they would your professional cam. And that takes a lot of pressure away.

Anyways this is your sign to dust off your crappy digicam and go shoot some pictures.

#digicam

[rainbowolfe]

Mystic Seller Decode V2

Okay, this version? This version I'm pretty confident on the meanings of the individual symbols, but less so on what they're trying to say as a whole. Each of these symbols represents a faction of gods.

[Left to Right] The Old Gods, The Mancers, The First Gods, The Great Ones, The Gods of Death

Old Gods So far three Old Gods have been referenced: Turua, Ithaqua, and the Revenant. They weren't the first, but they've been around quite some time and most likely were the original Old Faith, if not their benefactors.

Mancers The "Mancers" may not be their official name, but it's how I'll qualify them. So far only the Grand Mancer and the Necromancer have been mentioned, but they seem to have been early members (servants?) of the Old Faith.

First Gods If not the symbol for the First Gods, then it's the symbol for the descendants of the First Gods. So... the Second Gods, I guess XD Clauneck, Kuudai, and Chemach.

Great Ones Just hear me out on this one. See this analysis. Though they've strayed from it, The Old Faith was meant to serve the Great Ones. Alternatively, in the opposite direction, this is a symbol to represent their equivalent to The Devil.

The Gods of Death There are allusions to there being multiple gods of death that potentially existed at the same time. Which makes sense, it's a big job. People stay dying. They would have all been servants to the Death.

On context clues alone, I can assume with confidence, that whatever Mystic Seller is saying is related to why Lamb is unworthy of entering his realm. The meaning also has to fit into this string of dialogue:

God Tears remain. Do not allow complacency to take root. [Symbols]. Yet you have shown yourself to be a worthy deity.

That "yet" is key. Whatever it is, the problem lies in the creatures/deities of this realm. Most likely a trait they all share; or maybe there's a generalized (negative) opinion other realms have of the creatures from this one.

And so, let's try to interpret this beast.

Interpretation 1 - Lineage

There were five "Mancers" of importance, and Mystic Seller is describing their lineage. Perhaps the sin is the way they comingled with each other, or maybe they were just assholes and their presence means that the rest of the extended-god-universe doesn't want to deal with this realm.

Mancer A, the offspring of Wild Card (someone born from a First God and a Great One) and Death God.

Mancer B, the offspring of Mancer D and Wild Card. Death God, born from a Mancer and an Old God (likely Mancer B).

Mancer C, the offspring of a First God and an Old God.

Mancer D, born solely from First Gods.

I would suspect that means Mancer A is Narinder. The Kin of Turua tarot card implies that the Red Crownbearer is one of "his own", and it's Turua's influence taking over the Bishop's temples after all is said and done.

Making Mystic Seller's message a very long-winded way of saying that Narinder is an inbred hybrid and an affront to the Great Ones, so Lamb will never not be associated with that.

Pros: -it makes a lot of sense?? -gives Narinder a bio-family that he would reasonably want to separate himself from, gives a reason why this realm was abandoned by their higher power and the gods of it left to die out. At least biologically, it kinda has to end with Narinder. (or Lamb usurping him, which is probably what they were gambling on)

Cons: -Incest. But. Maybe that's why the Great Ones were like "no." to an entire realm and every god in it XD -Hard to turn into a coherent statement. -Mancer C's role in all of this left unclear

Interpretation 2 - Victims of Their Successors

Attempting to find more context clues from the dialogue itself. Here's something that happens to work. This sentence structure:

"I seek the newly appointed god, successor of their victims, last of their kind. Confer with me."

The god, who they replaced, their label, who they bargained with. Following that structure, we get:

The Mancers, successor of the First God empowered by the Great Ones; the last of the Gods of Death. The Mancer empowered by the Old Gods conferred with them.

The First Gods empowered by the Mancers, successor of the First Gods empowered by the Great Ones; the last of the Gods of Death. The Mancer empowered by the Old Gods conferred with them.

The First Gods empowered by the Old Gods, successor of the Mancers. The last of the First Gods.

This gives us three factions among the First Gods before they all died out. Those who served the Great Ones, those who served the Old Gods, and those who served the Mancers. It would seem that, for whatever reason, the First Gods lost whatever "blessing" the Great Ones had been giving them for generations and began to rely on the godly beings they were stuck with. This may be related to The Beguiler and the Oath of the Crown.

Ultimately, the Old Gods won that power struggle. The Mancers were tricked/ betrayed by one of their own and devoured as a result. The absence of the Mancers means the First Gods depending on them would be left powerless, and be destroyed as well. So there go all the gods of death. If the last of the First Gods were the beneficiaries of the Old Gods, then it would make sense that their descendants would continue that tradition.

That's where our bird trio (Clauneck, Chemach, Kudaai) comes in.

So basically, Mystic Seller is saying "The Mancers and the First Gods that served them were destroyed by the Old God's puppet(s), and those that remained now serve the Old Gods."

And maybe.. Maybe. That is the problem. The Great Ones no longer have control of this realm, so they abandoned it. And severed it from the rest so that the Old Gods couldn't continue to grow in power.

Because something powerful aided the Bishops in sealing Narinder away. Willingly or not. And something else manufactured a millennia-long scheme that warped the fabric of the universe to their will to have him freed.

Cons: -I absolutely picked a random sentence with zero reason -Mystic Seller doesn't seem to recognize the bird trio as gods

Pros: -A series of sentences that make sense -Able to assign fitting characters to the symbols

#cotl #cult of the lamb #cotl theory #cotl bishops #cotl narinder #cotl the one who waits