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kafkaoftherubble · 1 month

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185.2章：放下？还是压抑？可贺，抑或可悲？

// Chapter 185.2: Detachment v. Repression

This ramble concerns To Your Eternity manga Chapter 185.2. It is edited from a conversation between (yea you guessed it) @bestbonnist and me after the chapter dropped before I had to hastily run off because sorry gotta see shits with my Besto Furrendo! Lisan al-Ghaib! Lisan al-Ghaib!!!

Although this chapter is devoid of hype moments—unlike C184.1 where plenty of us were sent into a frenzy— and good old macabre, this is genuinely one of my favorite chapters to date.

Because it became a really nice philosophical discussion between friends. Sounds a tad cheesy when I say it like that...

(1) Two Different Perspectives on Fushi's Latest State of Mind

Ray expressed dismay that Fushi's coping mechanism seems to gave become even more terrible because they are essentially repressing their emotions. They are telling themself not to feel anything and to be detached. In the Wish Era, Fushi seemed to have become more resigned to their fate, which became starkly apparent when contrasted by the Doll and Andy's loud, outward desire to see Abel live.

That dismal observation actually stunned me—because I happened to see this development in a positive light. What better state of mind should Fushi aspire to attain apropos to their immortality... if not a state of non-attachment? After all, if they don't learn to be so, then the sheer impermanence of life will torment them forever. To me, non-attachment—or in a more English-natural manner of speaking, detachment—is a goal worthy of pursuing, even if it is often fraught with erratic instances such as mistaking "repressing one's emotions" as similar to "being genuinely unperturbed."

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(2) The Benefits of Attachment

In this story's universe, attachment keeps a person's faie (their soul) around.

Hence, to Ray, Fushi's loss of attachment implies their death (which I agree is a reasonable projection for the end of this story). When they no longer have anything to do—no goal—then it is time for them to move on.

But more than that, there's this other thing Ray is worried about. The manga asked whether Fushi is human, especially in its earlier exploration. Whether they think they are human. Therefore, it's hard to see Fushi's detachment as anything other than dehumanizing themself ("I'm not human so I don't deserve to be attached/feel bad when people I care about die.") It's one step to Fushi's progression into becoming a deity at the expense of their humanity.

This prospect is upsetting because they wanna see Fushi leave as a human being, as someone who dies after living a satisfying life like Yuuki did.

Ray also argued that there's a difference between acceptance and detachment. "Acceptance is acknowledging that something is out of your control and acknowledging that the way you feel about that." To them, Fushi seemed to have acknowledged that something was out of their control, but they hadn't yet acknowledged their feelings toward it.

Then, they conceded that while Fushi was frank about being pained by people leaving, ultimately, the dude seemed deadset on trying to ignore that pain altogether. "Fushi isn't good at being 'above' feeling things!"

I agree with this. Of course, they aren't! One of Fushi's powers is supernatural empathy. They can't ignore the sensation of pain or (occasionally) love in their vicinity even if they try. Feeling shit is what they do, willingly or not. And from an emotional connection like that, one easily forms attachments.

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(3) The Common Error: Mistaking Detachment with Apathy

Strangely, at that point in our conversation, it became clear that Ray thought Fushi should not be detached because it stops them from accepting death—while I think Fushi should learn to be detached because it helps them to accept death. Same destination, but different ways of assessing detachment as a path.

Now, of course, when I use the term "detachment" or "non-attachment" (preferred), I'm once again drawing it from a Buddhist philosophical perspective. Because dude, it's me, 睿得失。You fucking signed up for this the moment you talk to me, bwaahhahahahaha!

Even Buddhists, born and raised, often make the mistake of conflating "equanimity," which non-attachment encourages, with "apathy."

One of the four sublime qualities (brahmavihārā), equanimity (upekkhā) is the state of being unwavering and unperturbed even in the face of loss and gain [1], good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, and sorrow and happiness. Its far enemies—as in, its direct contrasting vices—are greed and resentment. But its near enemy—the quality mendaciously close to equanimity—is apathy.

[1] Just a little aside: this is why I joked that Fushi should take up my self-given Chinese name in our conversation. 睿得失 means "being wise (about one's) gain and loss." The hope of attaining some semblance of upekkha is built into the name already.

Plenty of people think being detached means being uncaring and indifferent, and that it has some elements of dehumanization to it—be it to other people or to yourself. But it's not. Being detached is to keep a balance between concern and coercion. It's expressing compassion while being mindful not to conflate your genuine care with your desire to will things and people to bend to the state or situation you wanted.

Fushi and us mortals could easily realize one fact about life: it is truly impermanent. The desire to impose our will on the universe—as if there is some supernatural feature to our will that can influence things to happen—is a source of agitation. Life doesn't bend to our will; it indifferently stays impermanent even when we demand it to be permanent in some sort of personal bliss.

In Buddhist thought, it's our actions and intentions that impart changes. Our will (and our demanding desires) don't. We'll revisit this in our 5th Chapter later.

In other words! Contrary to Ray's interpretation, I see being detached not as imposing a limit on your compassion but liberating it from constraints. Now that you're detached, your mode of compassion is centered around the situation and people as they are, not as you hope them to be. True compassion asks for nothing in return—not because you suppress your demands, but because you genuinely have none to begin with.

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(4) Fushi's Laudable Baby Steps

What really made me think that Fushi had grown here was their insistence that whether Abel lives or dies is "his decision to make."

Not Fushi's, despite their god-like powers. Not Doll or Andy, despite their love and attachment to Abel. It's Abel's choice. All Fushi can do is to accept whatever the man says—and that acceptance is only possible if they begin practicing detachment. After all, attachment results in the reactions Doll and Andy expressed.

To me, Fushi is taking a step in the right direction already. This is the kind of wisdom I think an immortal, most of all, should gradually pick up (I also think mortals like us should, too, but that's beside the point).

Here is where I think Ray's criticisms warrant merits in my interpretation: Actually practicing detachment/non-attachment is hard as fuck. I wouldn't deny that though it doesn't make you an apathetic non-human, you're not gonna be very normal-humanlike if you manage to be equanimous either. While learning to be detached, one often takes up a lot of problematic tactics and mistakes it to be detachment.

One such misguided tactic? Suppression of emotions. You force yourself to pretend you're not feeling anything instead of facing them and realizing their falsity while believing you're being detached. So Ray's concerns are completely warranted, because I don't believe Fushi has consummated their learning either. They wouldn't have lied about the massacre if they were really that detached.

Repressing your emotion, as a tactic, is wrong, but it is the hallmark of someone who's trying to get there, especially when you compound it with the philosophy Fushi was articulating. They care. But they are also being clear-eyed about the limits of their demand.

I don't think they seem resigned here. I think they are being wise. Baby steps, and their method is imperfect, but good nonetheless.

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(5) Yuuki the GOAT and His Biggest W Yet

Fushi grappled with wanting to impose their will to make others live as long as they in the Modern Arc, right? That's one of their biggest and most constant sources of dukkha (dissatisfaction/suffering). But Yuuki's satisfying death and life... actually steered him in the right direction!

Fushi didn't come to earn detachment because of some horrible, tragic death turning them jaded and cynical. They learned because Yuuki's life and death were that fucking good.

Learning philosophy from pain is all well and good. It is usually how people learn it (few would give a fuck about existentialism or Buddhist philosophy or stoicism or what-have-you if they weren't in a personal crisis). But learning philosophy from joy is a whole other thing. Whatever you learned from that instance has no hint of jadedness and cynicism to corrupt your thinking; it's like making a decision when you're at the most optimal state.

This is Yuuki's victory. He influenced and taught Fushi without giving him pain or trauma to live by. He was not some main character of a tragedy despite outwardly looking like a bumbling normie.

Think about it: none of the Immortals who were attached to Fushi, until now, had been capable of influencing and teaching them without accidentally leaving some grief, pain, and trauma!

Why does Fushi take on Yuuki's form so much lately—if not because Yuuki is the only one who managed to teach them without the use of pain or trauma or anything like that?

And as Ray pointed out, Yuuki was the form embodying "Peace." Even his death was offscreen and peaceful. On a bed, unpoisoned and unhurt. Fushi remembers him constantly because he makes them feel at ease.

"It's our actions and intentions that impart changes," that was what I mentioned in Chapter 3 of this long-ass ramble. Here it is exemplified. People inherit the fruits of other people's actions (and you yourself are one of those who will inherit your own actions, too). And well? These are the fruits of Yuuki's actions that Fushi continues to reap even now.

That's how complete Yuuki's W is. He managed to leave just the kind of food for thought for an Immortal that eventually set them up to grasp the kind of wisdom they lacked. Who says the Modern Arc has no lessons?

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(6) Conclusion, or The Abrupt Ending of a Conversation

As you can tell, I really don't think Fushi's latest development is bad. Bittersweet and a bit of a mixed bag, sure, but I ultimately think it's commendable rather than worrisome. Of course, my ass interpreting things through a Buddhist lens has a lot to do with it, but brutha, this is exactly my niche! You should have seen me talk about non-self vis-a-vis Fushi in a YouTube comment section!

Ray did leave this paragraph that had eluded me because, again, the Muaa'dib was calling me and I really gotta go:

"I have a potential counter-argument for you, which is about how Fushi's ideal person to follow is kind of a mix of Yuuki (as you explained) and Kahaku (bag of mess and you haven't read that part of the present era anyways), which is putting the concept of detachment together with a really selfish kind of selflessness (as we talked about). But I'm not clear on whether that's still there after their fight with the left hand. I feel like it's lingering a little but I haven't seen much evidence for it in the wish era."

Now, I don't really know what that whole bit was like because I didn't actually read all of the Modern Arc—just the latter half. But again, "detachment" and "self-lessness" are complementary and forward-feeding to one another in Buddhist Philosophy, so on this concept alone, I don't see a clash.

I should probably clarify what Ray's "selfish kind of selflessness" meant here, but... I'm kinda tired now. And I've briefly touched on this in my essay about... Gojo Satoru, goddamn it.

Or maybe Ray should explain it themself! I distinctly remember someone owing me like, 3 essays or something. I'm such a kindhearted person I'm willing to give them a discount and accept just one essay for this week, though. Don't squander it, you!

Thank you for reading my ramble.

----

Did you enjoy this? If yes, wouldn't it be really fucking cool if you get to read essays and commentaries like these, alongside fanfic and fanart and other interesting bits, in one place?!

BECAUSE! We are thinking of starting a To Your Eternity zine! It's merely in its Interest Check phase, but you gotta fill this form up so we can see just how many people in our modest little fandom want this! Be a supporter or a contributor, it don't matter at this stage! Support is the currency here!

#Honestly even before I started writing this I wonder if I *should* ahahhah #Yesterday it seemed like a really prime essay material!#Today? Suddenly call its meaningfulness into question ahahhahaha #But man this work deserves a lot more essays than it's actually getting. It's sad that it doesn't even have enough! WE NEED TO REMEDY THIS!#Me trying to fill the void is truly a 蜀中无大将廖化作先锋 moment. “An underqualified person answering a call because there's no one better.”#or in Jujutsu Kaisen parlance: I'm fucking Kusakabe holy SHIT #AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO SAY “Throughout heaven and earth I am alone"...........#.....until I'm attending a convention as a TYE fan #fumetsu no anata e #to your eternity #tye #fushi #fnae #manga spoilers #Wish Era #buddhism #yes a buddhism tag because fuck it. This is a lecture in and of itself!

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salparadiselost · 1 year

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A Quick Review of the Faie Auricula ("Itty Bitty") species

Hello and Welcome to the first step of owning your first Faie Auricula, or as most people call them, Itty Bitty! Now, we are sure you have many questions, but hopefully, we can clear some up and get you on the road to bringing your best friend home! First things first, what is an itty bitty?

Faie Auriculas are a tree-dwelling, mildly magical creature that initially came from the forests of North America and Europe. They are a semi-quadrupedal, semi-bipedal species that use their powerful hind legs and hooked claws to climb trees. In the wild, they live in large family groups and nest in tree hollows, often foraging for food at night. Their natural predators are owls, wild cats, and wolves, all of which wouldn't hesitate to hunt a bitty that strays too far from their hollow. Today, bitties don't have to worry about such scary things because bitties were domesticated many centuries ago. Originally, bitties were the pets of kings and queens and royalty often sent their knights on months-long expeditions to capture elusive bitties. As time passed, though, bitty craze spread to the masses and the demand for them grew despite the difficulty in acquiring them. Today, bitties still have the reputation of being a "rich man's" pet despite the great efforts to make them more accessible.

Why do they have such big eyes? One of the most notable features of a bitty (and one of the reasons they are so irresistibly adorable!) is their large eyes! Their eyes originally evolved to help them see in the dark and protect them from predators, but now they are mainly used to endear them to their human owners. A bitty's eyes are large from the very beginning and bitties grow into their eyes as they age.

The most common eye colour for a bitty is green or yellow. Teal eye colour is slightly rarer, and the most coveted eye colours are deep blue or purple. These colours are extremely rare in wild-type bitties, but through selective construction, the eye colour can be achieved.

What is selective construction? Selective construction is the magical process in which bitties are reproduced. Selective construction is a necessity in creating pet bitties because natural bitty reproduction is still a modern mystery!

Despite centuries of research, humans have never been able to breed bitties together, but groundbreaking research from Drake Industries discovered how to magically construct bitties. The magical construction process is a secretive, patented process so no details are known to the public, but we do know that construction requires material from at least two bitties to be viable.

Selective construction gives bitty owners the wonderful opportunity to choose which traits and behaviours they would like to put in their bitties! Prospective owners may choose traits such as eye colour, coat colour, coat length, coat texture, coat type, and tail type. Some traits are pricey than others, though, so be careful to keep track of your budget while ordering your bitties a la carte.

What should I know before my bitty comes home?

The most important part of owning a bitty is to be ready to love your bitty!

Bitties are an extremely social species and require lots of attention from their owners. They will need attention for at least two hours a day and it's highly recommended to give them outside time at least three times a week.

Bitties often are easily crate-trained due to their natural affinity to tree hollows, however, bitties will often grow unhappy if they are put into a crate for more than five hours a day. If you think that you will need your bitty to be comfortable in a crate, make sure to order a bitty constructed with a calmer temperament and train them early in their lives to be okay with being alone. Despite their high social needs, though, it is not suggested to adopt more than one bitty at once. If a bitty is adopted with another, they may try to bond with the other bitty instead of you! It's important to place yourself as the most important aspect of their lives as early as possible. When your bitty is older you may slowly introduce another into your household, but if the other bitty is an itty (a juvenile bitty that hasn't become bipedal yet) make sure it remains isolated until it is fully attached to its owners.

If all steps are taken to appropriately care for your bitty, you should expect to enjoy your bitty for approximately 12-14 years! As your bitty becomes a teenager, you should expect your bitty to start "slowing down", which means your bitty is entering its final stage of life. When you see that your bitty is slowing down, be sure to contact your vet to arrange end-of-life services for your friend. Although it is sad, slowing down is a painful, drawn-out process and it is much kinder to arrange these services for your bitty. Additionally, by arranging your services, you will be given the option to recycle your bitty into another construction for your next bitty! This gives you the ability to keep what you love about your bitty (and improve the parts that you don't love). I know you don't want to think about this now, however, it is best to know beforehand!

We are so glad you're starting the exciting journey of ordering a bitty! Please be sure to email our customer service department!

With Love, Drake Industries Building Your Best Friend from the Very Beginning - Excerpts taken from "A Quick Guide for Caring for Bitties" from Drake Industries

Written by: @salparadiselost Art from: @jube514

#kay speaks #kay writes #bitty au #jube #itty bitties #please bug Jube if you want more art #there’s more #I’m sure Jube will show you if you dm them #I also have more writing #I guess I could show you that if you asked #do you want really sad little cat… things?#we got them #itty bitty au

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blackkatmagic · 5 months

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Would you ever write Bacara, faie, and/or neyo just like, fuckin killing priest/Davin? There's like one fic like that that I've found, so I'm kinda curious about the fandoms willingness to write the traumatized trio angst but not give them a bit of murder as a treat.

I would, yeah. Not as like. the whole plot of a stand-alone fic, because pure catharsis fics aren't really my thing - I find that without larger plot drivers the emotion just kind of falls flat - but as part of a larger plot? Absolutely.

Although I do think it's purely fanon that the three of them were in Priest's fighting ring? Afaik, there are no specific clones named as having gone through that.

#kat answers

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postapocalyptic-cryptic · 2 years

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I think in any after the war au Faie deserves to get chubby and also go on hrt

#faie's one of those people who looks like they don't have much muscle but could deadlift your whole house #like me!

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madamlaydebug · 13 days

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{🌲🎍💭🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽🧚🏾‍♂️🪵🌳🙌🏿🙌🏾}Fairies In the ancient Kemites civilization or should i say like the europeans fary tales fairies paralleled the Seven Hathors or patronesses of childbirth, those regarded as fairy are the angles or godmothers’ The word feerie or fay-erie in modern French means land, realm, enchantment, or where the enchantment took place. The land of enchantment or fairyland is where dwell the fays or fee of medieval France. The faie or fee found in Old French originate with the fata of Late Latin meaning one of the fates or tutelary and guardian spirits.

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mwolf0epsilon · 2 years

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Whumptober Day 16: No Way Out

Prompt: "No one's coming."

Summary: The war has ended and Wolffe finally has the time to talk with Fox. What he finds is the Coruscant Guard less than eager to help him along the way, or even tolerate his presence.

[Yes I'm breaking out random AUs for Whumptober as well. It freshens the experience considerably.]

THIS STORY IS ALSO ON AO3

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The war had ended rather anticlimactically. One day it was in full swing, swooping roars of ships caught in dogfights and near infinite rains of blaster-fire, and then the next it was all just... Quiet. The conflict gone like a dying whisper. Leaving behind a handful of Jedi and hundreds of still living clone troopers wandering what came after.

Where their place in the galaxy might be now that they weren't immediately needed to resolve ongoing conflict. To fight, to survive, to work around the enemy's forces, was all that most of them knew.

What had changed to so abruptly cut off the war, one might ask? To put it simply, the chancellor had died of a heart attack. Keeled over mid-meeting while leaving behind a cacophony of hysterical screams of concerned senators. Or rather, temporarily concerned prior to the old bastard popping into a mist of dark shadows and ash.

A sith. The chancellor had been a Force-damned sith. And he'd died of natural causes of all things...

Anticlimactic in all senses of the word.

It almost made Wolffe sad that he hadn't gotten the chance to be a part of a grand battle against the old coot. To aid his general and allies in bringing down the true oppressor of the system he'd been cloned to defend.

It would have been the thing of legends.

Things were hectic still. Not in the same manner that they had been on the battlefront, mind you, but not quite as quiet as one would expect with the end of a war that had apparently been orchestrated from within.

Because of course Palpatine had been playing both sides.

He was a sith after all. They were crafty like that. Schemed big.

The current chaos was mostly political. Senators were scrambling to vote for a new more trustworthy chancellor, while also trying to figure out who fit the bill. As it turned out corruption ran rampant within the Senate, and that had been part of the reason why Palpatine had managed to get things done right under everyone's noses. There was also the issue of what to do with the clone army, but Wolffe didn't much care for that right now.

Cody, Faie and Gree were doing the great majority of the worrying on that side of things as it was. He, meanwhile, was far too busy trying to find Fox in all of this confusion to really think about the future.

His vod'ika hadn't said anything at all in the command batch private channel since the end of the war (hadn't said anything well before then now that he really thought about it), and that had felt rather uncharacteristic of him. Fox was the sort of bastard that never knew how to keep his opinion to himself. Had been a smart-mouth since he could talk. The silence was off-putting and it bothered him.

But it hadn't bothered him nearly as much as Wolffe not getting a reply when he'd messaged him privately. No one that he asked to do the same got any form of reply or acknowledgement, which didn't seem to surprise them or raise any sort of concern.

Cody had said Fox was just being a bitch as usual. Bly thought maybe he was just too busy with all the paperwork he probably ended up with after Palpatine croaked it. Neither suggestions had satisfied him so Wolffe had gone looking himself.

No better way to talk than face to face after all. Especially not now that he actually had the time to do that.

The problem was... The corries were not really cooperating with him.

Coruscant was huge. This had never really registered in Wolffe's mind back when he hadn't been on planet for long. His stays were often quite short-lived in between most campaigns he'd been a part of, and he knew foreign planets better than he actually knew 000.

That said the Coruscant Guard HQ was comparatively tinier than even the Senate Rotunda.

Tiny wasn't even an overstatement. The commander of the 104th had no idea how any of the corries could live in such derelict and cramped conditions.

Moldy damp spots were everywhere, the creaking of the foundation of the building was loud and ever present, and honestly Wolffe wasn't even sure how the whole thing hadn't come down on any of them just yet. The whole thing looked ready to collapse if you breathed on a support beam wrong.

No health-code in the history of civilization could possibly deem this shithole of a facility livable. Yet somehow the corries didn't complain about it. They simply just... Existed there.

Like they didn't expect anything better, which was appalling to say the least (and there's a lot Wolffe would like to say about all this).

Minuscule as the corrie barracks were, they were still very much a hard to navigate maze. So hard in fact that Wolffe couldn't figure out where the hell Fox's office was meant to be.

And none of the corries gave him a straight answer whenever he tried to ask. They just stared at him through their unreadable buckets (which they didn't take off even while indoors in their living spaces), silently scrutinizing him before giving a vague answer. Wolffe could feel the burning gaze of many of those men through their helmets. Could feel the anger radiating off of them.

His presence seemed to be unwelcome here.

"Have you gone downstairs? I'm sure his office is as low as your men spoke of us corries and our commanding officers... Or were that the men on the 212th? Perhaps the 501st?" A K9 trooper holding a leashed massiff offered. The sarcastic undertone was downright hostile despite his voice being quite leveled. "It's hard to tell, all of you sound so very alike... Now if you'll excuse me commander, Grizzer here needs to go back to his kennel..."

"Maybe you should check on the top floor." A shock trooper spat out venomously, right fist clutching electrostaff rather tightly. This one had no trouble showing his disdain for him being there. "Obviously Fox would be the sort of ego-maniac to look down on others while lording over his troops."

"I'm sorry sir, but I'll have to ask you to leave." A rather burly riot trooper monotonously informed him, while getting his arm stitched back up by a riot trooper officer right in front of the medbay door. "The medbay is currently off-limits to anyone who is not a part of the Coruscant Guard, due to unforeseen circumstances involving both a lack of resources and equipment. If you have any injuries you may need tending to, I would suggest going to your own battalion medics, an on-planet hospital, or sucking it up and dealing with it instead of bitching about it."

"You wouldn't find Fox in the medbay either." the riot trooper officer huffed apathetically. "Avoided it whenever he could. Didn't like giving Remedy or the rest of the medics any extra work. They barely ever got to rest"

The pattern remained like that. Either Wolffe would get turned around, barred entry from certain locations, or have the most sardonic responses given to him. It gave him a grim look into the sheer misery the Guard lived in.

He'd imagined something much better than this. All of them had.

A Coruscant posting didn't look nearly as nice and inviting as he'd once thought... In fact it only made him want to find Fox more desperately. Because if his men weren't doing well, then he dreaded think what condition his vod'ika might be in.

Finally a single trooper seemed to spare him the grief of running around in infinite loops like a headless nuna. A clone in officer's fatigues carrying several datapads, accompanied by an armoured clone with V-shaped and triangular decals that held some kind of specialized job Wolffe certainly didn't recognize (because all of the corries displayed their particular jobs through their identically painted armour and gear).

The officer, freckly face framed by long parted curls and a few thin scars, took one look at Wolffe and held a contemplative look for a few seconds before fully acknowledging him.

The trooper beside him remained silent. Eerily so.

"Can I help you sir?" The younger clone asked, tone gentle and kind unlike the rest of the corries he'd come across previously. Not a hint of hostility behind his words.

"Yes... I'm looking for Fox's office." The commander couldn't help let relief wash over him. Finally there was some hope he might actually reach his brother today.

"You're looking for the marshal commander's office?" The officer hummed in thought. His face scrunching up slightly. "Well... Myself and Rookie here are headed there right now. If you'd like you could accompany us."

"If it isn't a bother." Wolffe noted the number of datapads the officer was holding. Whatever Fox had summoned him for was likely important.

"It's never a bother to help a brother out..." The officer smiled sweetly, watching Wolffe with attentive eyes. Unblinking. "Us Guardsmen are loyal to our brothers above all else."

Funny, every single one of the corries he'd met hadn't been particularly keen on helping him out. Maybe today was just a bad day.

He followed the two clones without another word. The officer seemed content to fill the silence with humming while his companion marched alongside him quite stiffly. The tension on the armoured clone's shoulders apparent in his body language. He was uncomfortable with Wolffe's presence.

They reached what looked like a broom closet. For a second Wolffe thought maybe he'd been tricked again, until the officer knocked on the unassuming door.

"It's unlocked."

Of course it was. The door looked ready to fall off it's hinges. But that wasn't what really bothered Wolffe at the moment. No, the concern lay in it not being Fox who was seated at the desk of the tiny closet office.

"Commander Wolffe, to what do I owe the pleasure?" One of Fox's men, Thorn, was seated at the desk.

"I'm looking for the marshal commander..." He responded, eyebrows furrowing as he scanned the cramped little box that should most definitely not house a marshal commander.

"You're looking at him." Thorn deadpanned.

"No... I'm looking for Fox." Something wasn't right.

"....That's in poor taste sir." Thorn cocked his helmet to the side. Wolffe could practically feel himself burn under all the blindingly hot hatred masked behind his strained tone. "Surely you know that?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh... Don't you know sir? Perhaps you were off-planet when the memo was passed along?" The officer from before smiled sweetly again. But now that Wolffe was confronted with this situation, it didn't feel sweet at all. His smile felt lampoonish. "Fox died two years ago. We sent a full report to the GAR."

It was like time itself had stopped working. The words Fox and dead did not go together. They weren't supposed to.

"...What...?"

"Rookie, do you still have the recordings on your pad? Or have they been archived in the vault? I feel like digging up an old report will take too long to refresh some memories..." Thorn turned to look at the silent trooper who merely nodded in reply before taking out a datapad attacked to a latch on his belt.

The silent clone tapped away on his screen before shoving the datapad into Wolffe's hands.

What the commander of the 104th saw on that tiny screen... It bare not ever see the light of day. Unspeakable. Unsightly. Soul-crushing. They'd all undergone training to resist torture, but what Fox and the handful of men that had been captured with him had gone through was somehow so much worse than anyone would dare imagine.

The Malevolence incident had never left Wolffe's mind. He doubted seeing his baby brother's last moments would leave him either.

"It's been days... Why hasn't anyone come for us sir?" A shiny, a karking shiny, whimpered weakly while laying pressed against the vod'ika Wolffe would never get to talk to ever again.

Disillusioned, tired and wanting nothing more than for all their torment to end, Fox gave the poor kid an honest answer.

"No one's coming." The dead marshal commander hoarsely proclaimed with a certainty that made Wolffe's stomach roll. "We're not worth enough to retrieve..."

"But... But my brothers in the GAR they--"

"Don't you get it kid? The GAR looks after the GAR." Fox sighed. "The Guard isn't part of the GAR... We don't matter. They'll forget you ever existed. They always do..."

"I don't want to die..."

"No one's coming." Fox repeated, weak and unsure what else to do. There's no consoling any of the dying men around him. There's no consoling Wolffe either. "I'm sorry it had to be this way."

"Us Guardsmen are loyal to our brothers above all else." The silent trooper removes his helmet, revealing a young clone with a distinct V-shaped tattoo and eyes full of hatred and disgust.

"You GAR bastards are not our brothers." The officer's smile is bordering on cruel now. "A decision you made for yourself when you abandoned us here. When you all stopped calling. When you stopped caring because you thought we were all just weak little crybabies."

"Fox is dead." Thorn hisses. "Fox is dead and you lot didn't even care to look at the report that would tell you as much. Get out of here before I have security escort your worthless shebs out of here."

The war has ended and Wolffe's entire life is collapsing in on itself. This is not the victory he wanted.

#Eps Writes #star wars #the clone wars #whumptober2022 #commander wolffe #commander fox #sergeant hound #commander thire #commander thorn #clone trooper dogma #coruscant guard dogma #clone ocs #riot trooper olly olly oxenfree #riot trooper red alert #communications corrie rhythm #mentioned character death #wolffe is getting the brunt of all of the coruscant guard's rage #it's not great

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