#like its a definite yes now

[wasyago]

quick "chip" sketch from ep 109

#wanted to draw him with gray skin hehe #this ep is a real throwback to the desire isle arc.... holes in hearts. chip is stone gray/dead. big fight with a boss and ghouls. mmmm #his neck is a little busy so ill definitely change it if i draw him like this again. but itll do for now its a sketch anyway #love the color pallett otherwise tho... very tasty looking #i think this is the fifth art with a black background i did in the last couple days but pffff who cares i love black backgrounds #OH also yes. no hole in his chest. pretty sure the heart was pulled from his throat anyway #doesn't make it better but haha yeah #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #jrwi riptide spoilers #jrwi spoilers #riptide spoilers #my art #sketch

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling

[normalsexhaver]

1. Kneel.

2. Oh, come on. Let it hurt.

"You have given me everything. Thank you."

#fuck it im pushing this from drafts we die like men #more gifs under the cut obvs #i've never made gifs before please be nice to me #i couldn't not gif this though so here we are #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion spoilers #astarion romance #the bad one #depending on who you ask #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #love the graveyard scene for ye all but i was definitely out to make him worse #and i DID!!!! he's extra condescending now and im a huge fan #i also blew my pc up at one point tryna get this going its time for more RAM

[alpacacare-archive]

finished ultra deluxe and immediately started making this

i think theyd be good friends gjfgfd

also heres an extra:

(its that can i copy your homework joke) 

#im so sorry the gaster brainrot is real #tsp is amazing- already was but that dlc??? damn #definitely one of my favourite games of all time now #LOVE crows twitter announcement #like #i like to think gaster was like #HELL YES. HILARIOUS. I LOVE IT. #i had to add the line(tm) cus idk if its obvious that its the narrator speaking #i like to think of him as a disembodied voice #funky lil gay man voice telling you what to do #wish i had that #they have a little growing squad of old men disembodied voices who control a video game #love them #gaster: SAY HELLO TO ELON MUSK FOR ME. LOL. #anywasys #i love yall gn <333 #gaster #deltarune #the stanley parable #tspud #the narrator #*does a little dance* #EDIT- ALSO PLEASEEE ignore any grammatical errors i made- #english isnt my native + im VERY tired jdfdfkjdf

[front-facing-pokemon]

#skorupi #now THIS is a fucking guy!! skorupi's in like. my top 50 pokémon of all time definitely. i know that doesn't seem like much but i like too #many pokémon to say anything more definitive than that. but i do love skorupi. bug/poison is a fun type 'cause it handles its own weaknesse #bug handles poison's weakness to psychic. and i think that's the only one but y'know that's cool #not to mention they're JUST a little guy and you're realizing this and consuming this information #yes??? good

[scificrows]

Thinking about Murderbot and ART again and how Murderbot is so adamant that ART is not its friend and that they can't be friends and okay fine it'll tell the stupid space ship about its traumatic past but only because it keeps pestering it! And alright, maybe ART can help Murderbot and do a little surgery on it and assist with uncovering the Dark Secrets™ of Murderbot's past but it's and asshole and NOT Murderbot's friend!!!

And then when Murderbot mentions ART to its clients on RaviHyral it just immediately goes for the word "friend"??? And I understand that it couldn't exactly say "there's this giant research transport AI in my feed that helps me pretend to be a human" but like. Murderbot, darling, you could have used anything. You're cosplaying as pretending to be a professional human security consultant, you could have said something like "associate" or "assistant" or whatEVER but "friend" just rolled right off the tongue there, didn't it?

Bonus from Network Effect:

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #asshole research transport #𓄿 #i am pretty sure that is the first time in murderbot's life it has referred to someone as its friend?? #it definitely is the first time in the books #and then murderbot just continues to call ART its friend for the rest of the book?!??!?! #i wonder what ART felt like hearing that #a little vindicated? because YES it IS murderbot's friend now no matter how hard murderbot tried to deny it >:)) #(lesson learned: if you want to make friends just do a little surgery on them) #or just a warm feeling it can't quite place because i have a feeling murderbot is the first friend ART ever actively made too?? #apart from like its humans etc? but that's different! #and hearing it said out loud by this grumpy stubborn lil construct must be #nice #i just really like what they have going on okay 🥺 #murderbot diaries #being very normal about ART and murderbot's friendship YET again #i wonder if murderbot noticed that it did that too?? #like did it try the word out a few times in its head #tentatively just to see how it felt? #or is this one of those '20 inputs all at once while also calculating the likelihood of being attacked by evil corporates #and fighting with the risk assessment module #all while running pretendingtobeahuman.exe and TALKING to the humans :('-type situations? #so that murderbot really can't monitor what it's saying super well and so “friend” just slipped out unnoticed??

[smokewars]

yknow what i'll put this in the main tags one of my main worries with this (other than the safety of the cg illustrator that was fired and employees at project moon obviously) is that it feels like everytime theres a controversy, project moon just lie down and take it. theyre like doormats. appeasing them isnt going to make them stop, if anything it makes them more likely to do something like this again because they know its going to work and because it HAS before (im looking at ruina)

#hiiii this is me from tomorrow. they were legally allowed to fire the artist yes but i still dont agree w the decision #also adding this bc this is still getting traction one thing ive seen no one talk abt (bc its not important compared to everything else) #is that pmoon originally made limbus a gacha to fund their other projects. im not saying this as like a guilt trip or something 2 consider #btw. im saying it bc they have most definitely lost a chunk of their fanbase bc of this decision and therefore revenue #project moon #limbus company #library of ruina #lobotomy corporation #projmoon #i have sympathy for them ofc bc its a horrifying situation but im still disappointed abt how its dealt with #u are running a gacha game now its genuinely REALLY concerning if u resolve that type of shit like this #text

[sangre]

*wakes up in a cold sweat* obviously the guardian is an echo of the emperor's claim to being an adventurer bearing the burden of saving a wicked world..... (a pretense/a performance/an experiment to a means to an end)

but i can't stop laughing bc like. Tha. That's the emperor's OC. the dream visitor is his OC that he's shipping with tav. and let me tell you the fic is 300k

#I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS #bg3 spoilers #he made a blorbo he knew you would like.... #btw imo the guardian has its own merits in the emperor's ties to humanity / he's puppeting it detached at some story beats yes but #there's definitely more to it. as someone who was also infected with a tadpole and has the trauma of that. #even if it doesn't feel like trauma anymore bc of how illithid processing works like.. he still has intelligent recognition of loss + #isolation etc etc so i definitely entertain the idea that TO SOME EXTENT the guardian does something for him too. #regardless of what you want to argue that 'smth' is its too extensive/cinematic. he could manipulated u in 1000 other ways. instead #he chose t-. 🤺 🤺🤺🤺🤺 hi 🤺🤺🤺🤺 i'm going now #🦑.txt #s: i am still dreaming of kissing your claws

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

mostly tracing over the pharos concept art but this is just for fun. chuuya and the bestie (boy he is sealed within)

#if youre wondering about the blank space that was supposed to be a side profile but i was having such a hard time i gave up #yes theyre both trans. this holds no weight on the story but its a thing #well. dazai is. im not sure how being trans would work out for chuuya considering being literally death but there is definitely an allegory #theyre obviously not going to have the similarities appearance-wise so i had to think abt how to tie them together #pharos' prison fit now comes from dazais striped dress #theres also the bracelets & choker. chuuyacore but also one for every bandaged section #also i tend to draw dazai and chuuyas hair similar so theres that #its especially apparent in their little middle bangs i think #this appeals to nobody but me and was mainly for a joke abt chuuya & ryojis stage actors but. its a thing now ! #i like to think that present day dazai/minato wears the eye bandages. or maybe an eye patch #and ryoji chuuya can get his gloves and hat #now everyone imagine chuuya standing menacingly over dazais bed every night and talking to him threateningly to help #well i imagine here he would actually be on purpose threatening instead of just creepy fhfhdhdh #dazai would definitely push his buttons. rip chuuya im so sorry #well now ive drawn both of skk as pharos. this probably says smth about me #my art :d #skk #ryomina too technically but it feels unfair to tag it that

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

It may just be a side quest but getting the Bone Pit job is Kind Of A Big deal actually?? At least it is for Liam. Like. This is the first proper job he's had since coming to Kirkwall! No underground operation no low-paying dockhand job no minor errand but a Proper Legitimate (hopefully) long-term job! Sure it's dangerous but then again where do you expect to find a non-dangerous job in Kirkwall? Especially as a Fereldan refugee.

#like yeah he did it in part out of solidarity with his countrymen but also #as much as he cant stand hubert he IS a businessman. and this is a job opportunity that he never expected to get #laya plays dragon age #oc: liam hawke #my ocs #he definitely reconsiders if they should go onto the expedition after this #its still tempting yes but also really really risky. and if he has a secure money income now is it really worth it? #ideally he would give this gig a chance and go on the expedition if it turns out to be a scam but unfortunately it is time sensitive #(.....and also he already paid bartrand's fee and he doubts he would let him back out now)

[iangallagherisadeadman]

Don't you guys think it's fucked up when Fiona starts dating and sleeping out of the house, leaving Debbie, Carl and Liam kind of for themselves?

Once she started dating Mike she would sleep at his place sometimes which I think it's okay, she was paying the bills and would leave dinner ready and communicate Debs and she was still looking out for them, they had health care and she took them to the clinic and all that. She needs to take care of her, live a life, sleep at her boyfriend sometimes, that's fine and healthy. But then she marry Gus and is often out of there, get together with Sean and doesn't even know what's going on with them anymore (aka "why there's nothing to eat in the fridge" "cause no one is doing the shopping" dialogue with Debbie, not knowing when it's their first day at school, letting Sammy move in and run things after her trailer got fucked by Frank), and then she gets her apartment and moves out completely and like, okay, Ian was a EMT, Lip is a mechanic already I think, she did said she wasn't going to support Debbie after her pregnancy (fucked me thinks), Carl's at military school, but Liam is still a kid! And Debs and Carl are still underage! And they are her responsibility.

It just doesn't sit right with me that Liam didn't at least moved with her.

Specifically Fiona defenders, I would love to hear more about it.

#i could he talking a lot of shit cause i only watched s6 and ahead once and it was some months ago but #i dont think im wrong. i dont there was any sort of explanation or reason or anything like that #she straight up left all behind to start fresh with her apartment her money her expensive chair didnt she #and i want fiona to grow! to do her stuff! to be only a sister to her siblings and not their mom! but she is their legal guardian #yes lip and ian definitely has to help family now. she didnt had to raise them the way she did until s3 but she did and they own her big #at least i think they do. she sacrificed herself out of love for them. made them go to school. gave them a life and some sort of stability #so now its their time to take up the responsibility with her. but thats it. with her. she dont get to abandon them. #mostly cause she is their legal guardian yk. and it was very strictly imposed and explained s3 its from here on until theyre ALL 18 #and i somewhat think its okay for her to want liam to be in chicago when she left. she gave them money and he had there more stability #like she had no job yet no place to live he wouldnt have any family around to support him he would have to move to another school is a lot! #but to not make this move legally? to i dont know transfer him to lip or something? to not call and get to know how hes doing? #to not send liam $ once she gets a job or a share of her 50k every month? to not offer him to move with her once she gets her shit together #i dont like it. actually i hate it. #shameless #shameless us #fiona gallagher #og. #s9

[littleolfandomblog]

in defense of Luke Castellan:

I think it's a pretty common opinion that Luke was right and just went about it the wrong way, that's certainly the conclusion Percy comes to and the message the books push.

I think most who dislike Luke bring up how he confessed his "love" for Annabeth before he dies. The thing is, I don't think this was Rick's intent at all. I genuinely think Rick forgot that he made Luke significantly older while writing the last book.

It doesn't make any sense narratively to make Luke come out as a pedophile in his last dying moments. Especially since Percy calls him a hero directly after. Luke's death is meant to be a tragedy. It's also entirely out of character. I think it's made explicitly clear in the other four books that Luke loves Annabeth in a fraternal kind of way.

Personally, I think this part of the book is negligible and doesn't even make sense.

#yeah i know i'm a luke apologist #yes i know it's bad #you're allowed to be mad at me #i'm aware it's the wrong opinion to have #but i was in love with him as a kid and now i'm here #that part of the book had been erased from my brain #i pretend it didn't happen #rick riordan #luke castellan #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #please don't block me i don't usually post about percy jackson #plus i really don't care at all about this opinion i just think about it a lot and thought it would share #i'm so scared to post this i feel like its a bad idea #this was sitting in my drafts for a while #pjo series #pjo headcanon #not exactly a headcannon but definitely an examination #text examination #i guess??? #wow so many tags

[l4zyb0n3s]

do i think leon's one liners are stupid and dorky? yes

do i think him saying shit like "wish id brought some cheese" and "nighty night knights" is so very important to his character? also yes

#this has definitely been said b4 but i wanna say it again #listen in in re2 remake he is not saying anything of the sort #not a singlr goof or gaff or quip #he is swearing and scared and frustrated #so i think. the goofy nonsense quips are an important change #because to me it means he's desensitized and probably in the moment distancing himself from the gravity of what hes dealing with #so he doesnt like. yknow. breakdown at having to kill horrific beast after horrific beast #do i also think he thinks hes bieng cool? a little bit yes #its certainly not cool sounding at all but . i love that dork. #'nighty night knights' dumbest thing said ever let me tuck him in #hello draft from 5 months ago i think i will post you now #resident evil #leon kennedy

[crescentfool]

recently, i’ve been thinking about what a 100% social link/confidant run is like from the perspective of the persona protagonists, rather than the player. i’ve always been a sucker for thinking about the type of narrative created by a person’s gameplay choices (it can be so fun and deep) so!! i wrote this analysis / musing.

some notes before we start: this was written with the lens of persona 3 being the most recent game i played- but the concepts are applicable to the p4/p5 protagonists as well! no spoilers for any of the games are mentioned; this is moreso a general discussion of ludonarrative dissonance with the game mechanics and narrative and how it makes for fun angst (ft. personal interpretation).

(more under the cut!)

the framework: game mechanics

in all of the games, the social link system’s existence coincides with the social stats mechanic. certain social links require a specific set of stats in order to initiate it, or surpass a certain rank. each game has around 20 of these- each of which represent the major arcana (+ some bonuses, e.g. aeon / jester / faith / councilor).

for any players going for a 100% social link run, this basically requires each social stat to be maxed out. anyone who’s followed a guide for a 100% run would know that the beginning of the game tends to be very “strict” with how time can be used, most of which involves getting the stats raised  as soon as possible.

outside of characterization and worldbuilding, completing social links are incentivized for a variety of gameplay reasons. so how could this completionist play style affect the protagonists?

prioritizing social stats over everything else: a general view

regardless of which protagonist you want to put under a petri dish, with a 100% run, you’re essentially asking the protagonist to form amicable bonds with 20 or so people, give or take. granted, not everyone becomes adjoined to the hip to the protagonist.

personally, i feel that forming 20 different bonds over the course of a year would be rather strenuous. during these 100% runs, the protagonists may feel that they’re spreading themselves thin trying to dedicate their resources to multiple different people as well as raising their “social stats.” i find the implications that this has on said bonds is so, utterly fascinating.

while this isn’t reflected in the game and would be better represented within a fic, i find it difficult to believe that this type of behavior doesn’t have any ramifications on the quality of the protagonist’s closer relationships (or their self-image, for that matter).

just… imagine calling one of your close friends but then they consistently give responses along the lines of “lmao sorry i’m busy doing other things,” and they rarely make the time of day for you. how would you feel? gameplay-wise, this deterioration of the relationship is best represented in persona 3 with social links reversing if you haven’t spent time with them in awhile.

part of my fascination with this concept is influenced by my own experiences. trying to maintain so many relationships can be difficult to keep up with and it quickly gets overwhelming (see dunbar’s number for more information). jumping between so many people also makes it difficult to focus on a few relationships meaningfully- meaning that relationships may be limited to being simple pleasantries. even then, ‘successfully’ keeping every relationship satisfying comes at the cost of being unable to pursue your own development and interests.

overall, i think that trying to do so many things ends up lowering the quality of the relationship(s) involved, especially when you also consider the fatigue from going to school as well as fighting shadows.

playing the therapist friend / listening role: a general view

another aspect of the 100% run that i think about is how the protagonists rarely open up to other people. a good chunk of SLs follow a storyline of the protagonist acting as a therapist friend/helping the other person through one central issue. some SLs are an exception to this and have a more casual “we’re just hanging out vibe.”

basically, SLs tend to be weighted toward the other character’s growth, moreso than the protagonist’s (which is handled by the main story). that said, the idea of mostly playing a listening role across most of your relationships and not having many that you feel comfortable to speak freely about your own stuff… feels really unbalanced and unhealthy?

i do think that part of the lack of “input” can be attributed to the silent-protagonist approach taken in the games (which is a whole ‘nother topic). but!! i find that each protagonist’s options, while limited, are fun to think about! some of the traits and interpretations i’ve seen for the differing protags, to name a few, include:

being afraid to open up / get attached and keeping people at arm’s distance as a result

needing to be around other people, even if it’s just listening them, to distract from their own struggles / pretend nothing’s wrong with them

enjoying helping others, being a good and careful listener who can provide an appropriate and helpful response

the willingness to prioritize others over themselves; a lack of self-preservation

compulsive people pleasing

at its worst, the lack of “protagonist talking” or equal reciprocation in response could be misinterpreted by the other person as disinterest (like they’re talking to a wall). alternatively- the lack of “personal tidbits” could be taken as, “you don’t trust me enough to be able to open up, huh.” and i just think that seeing this in a fic would be the biggest shitshow ever (and i would read that).

concluding thoughts:

overall, i feel that the protagonists taking a predominantly listening approach to several relationships at once can lead to compassion fatigue and general burnout. the protagonists are rarely at the receiving end of being listened to and/or having their issues worked through… and that’s kind of sad?

while the 100% social link run can provide great power to any persona fusions (and other cool battle abilities + hijinks)... i ultimately think that there’d be a lot of mental strain that would make achieving this much more difficult when you take a narrative-emphasized approach.

i do realize that it is possible to see the general vibe of this post as “100% social link is bad,” but like… there’s something i find really appealing about the messiness of attempting to manage so many relations at once- only to fall short in several of them and attempting to salvage the last bits of their sanity. when you think about the complications of the 100% SL run from the shoes of the protagonist… yeah!! that’s the good shit!

anyways! if anyone knows of any fics with this kinda vibe for the p3/4/5 protags… feel free to drop it in my askbox… i like them all VERY much :3c… and if this raised any food for thought- i’d be equally honored! let the protags go through shit i wanna see their emotions and coping mechanisms damn it! 👏

#persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #yes it is 3am and im posting this. i couldn't sleep so i wanted to write something that i've been thinking abt as of late :x #highly recommend looking up ludonarrative dissonance btw! if ur interested in game storywriting its SOO interesting bc its definitely- #an occurence that happens every now and then in a video game. persona included. like.. when game mechanics tell one story but the narrative #-ends up contradicting that (or some other thing in reality ends up doing that...). does that even make sense?? #i tried to keep this post general to p3/4/5 but if you know me well enough you'll see how my p3 bias has shaped this post. lmao #i also could go on a tangent about how i feel about orpheus telos as a thing w/rt p3 social links BUT I WONT. unless...? #i have more i want to say on the topic (maybe will do so at a later time) but feel free to ask for more specific hcs with the protags? #maybe not p4kun though just bc ive only watched p4 so i havent had the time to let it sit btwn play sessions #anyway bye im just going to let this float in the void while i sleep. have a good day #meta #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks

[soldier-poet-king]

Wahhhhhh

The tldr is my boss couldn't go to this meeting today so I got sent to represent our archive, and I was the only archivist there in a group of professors and PhD students (whose research is tangentially related to the contents of the archive) and I'm just ahhhh

On the one hand, it was great, sitting around a table talking research for a few hours over lunch, it's all the best parts of grad school seminars and I've missed having those kinds of discussions IMMENSELY and it feels like a missing piece of myself has been returned. Even just from mostly listening for the duration.

On the other hand. The sense of imposter syndrome not being a Real Academic. And the sense of loss and regret. Yes yes I didn't go for my PhD because health, finances, awful job prospects for classicists. But I LOVED grad school. I love my MA and learning and studying and being a student. I miss it terribly, even though I'm good at and enjoy my profession.

Even had health/finances not been a concern, I'd never have been able to decide on a focused research topic for a dissertation. My interests are too broad. They're not even limited to classics. I'm bouncing between life changing academic interests constantly, and each one is foundational and obsessive, in its own way. I joked to Atlas this week that I was supposed to be born a foppish renaissance dilettante, but it's not even really a joke.

I know. I KNOW. My unlived lives aren't real. They shouldn't haunt me. The me that exists is de facto the best version of me because it's the ONLY me that exists. And life doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be Good. And it is good. But also. Why can't I be a full-time student just learning, never having to publish, but also an archivist and information professional, but also a mutual aid volunteer and praxis oriented person, and Also have time for hobbies like crafting and novel reading and video games, and things like cooking and gardening and strength training.

I'm aware that harmonizing and coming to peace with the multitudinous aspects of the self is the work of a lifetime but also I want it to happen /now/

#the duality of fran #your probably asking. fran. can you got THREE DAYS without the navel gazing obsession with your own selfhood and realization as a person #and without obsessing about the purpode and telos and fulfillment of ur own existence #the answer is. no ❤️ #ahhh itll be ok im just. boooooo reminded of all the things i try not to think abt #life is so short! life is so long! #i am so tired. too tired for even a fraction of the life i want to live #yknow the usual typical person who didnt think they would live this long and would definitely kms before this #so now its like. i gotta learn to live. i have to find out what i want. and the answer is apparently. i want everything #yes its part pride and ambition #but its also wonder and joy and awe and curiosity #why do i have to pick ONE thing. where there is SO much out there #life is too short for all the marvels of the universe #and i am too much a dilettante for it all #oh it is a good world and good life #some days i am just. afraid of the hunger for it all

[fischlcatgirl]

My least evidence based headcanon rn... trans girl childe

#idk man theres just something about him. its crazy bc normally when i transgenderify a character in my mind i will take their canon pronouns #like. itto and shinobu are transmasc and transfem respectively to me #when i trans them its retroactive #because i never really had. a realization. the act of realizing you are trans has never really meant much to me but with childe #hehe. childe comes out of the abyss with his hair grown out and he looks at it and he says hmmm. no its cool. im definitely keeping it #because its cool. and not any other reason #fast foreward one year and she does rip your throat out if you misgender her on purpose. and YES with her teeth #to me the only change is that he is a girl and wants people to acknowledge that now. all of the freakishness NEEDS to remain intact #mikhail and lyudmila in mondstadt like 'finally. some normal fucking news' #board certified my post #childe