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the-goldenbunny-diaries · 9 months

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Fractured Bonds

⚢ Pairing - Chaeyoung x Reader

✎ Word Count - 2.6k

☆ Genre - Angst

▲ TW! - Mentions of thoughts of cutting (nothing too bad, no blood or anything)

♡ Description - When the mental breaks the physical bonds between you and Chaeyoung (A/N: this is partly based on a true story so please go easy on me if its a bit all over the place)

★・・・・・・★

You first met Chaeyoung on a warm summer day, completely by chance. You were attending a local art exhibition, wandering through the vibrant displays of creativity, when your paths crossed. There she was, standing in front of a mesmerizing painting, her eyes captivated by the artist's brushstrokes. You couldn't help but be drawn to her genuine curiosity and passion for art. Seizing the opportunity, you struck up a conversation, discussing the artwork and your shared love for creativity. She was captivating, with a smile that could light up the darkest room and a personality that made everyone feel at ease.

From that moment on, it was as if the universe had conspired to bring you together. You both spent hours talking, laughing, and getting to know each other and as the sun set on that unforgettable day, you knew that this encounter was the start of something truly magical. Little did you know that your meeting would mark the beginning of a profound connection that would forever change your lives.

Your relationship with Chaeyoung blossomed, and you shared everything with each other, from your dreams and aspirations to your fears and struggles. However, as time went on, you began to notice that you were grappling with your mental health. Anxiety and depression started to take a toll on you, and simple tasks became increasingly difficult.

As you struggled with your mental health, the weight on your shoulders felt unbearable. Each day became a battle, as anxiety and depression seemed to conspire against your peace of mind. Simple tasks like getting out of bed, preparing a meal, or even answering a phone call became daunting challenges. It was as if a heavy fog had settled over your life, clouding your thoughts and emotions.

In the beginning, you tried to keep your struggles hidden from Chaeyoung, fearing that revealing your vulnerability would push her away. But as our bond grew stronger, it became harder to conceal the storm raging inside you. Trying to keep your mental health struggles a secret, you often battled your inner turmoil in silence.

One night, as the weight of your emotions became unbearable, you sought refuge in the bathroom, hoping to hide your pain from the world. You found yourself clutching a blade, contemplating an unhealthy way to cope with the overwhelming feelings inside. However, fate had different plans that night. Just as you tried to wrestle with your inner demons alone, Chaeyoung sensed that something was wrong. Her intuition led her to follow you to the bathroom, and with concern in her voice, she gently knocked on the door. "Are you okay in there?" she asked, her worry reaching you through the wooden barrier. Caught off guard and unable to hide any longer, you unlocked the bathroom door, revealing your vulnerable state, Chaeyoung's eyes widened with concern.

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you holding that?" she asked, her voice shaky as she gestured towards the blade in your hand.

Tears continued to flow, and you struggled to find the right words. "I... I've been feeling so overwhelmed, Chaeyoung. I didn't want you to see me like this," you admitted, feeling a mix of relief and fear at her presence.

Chaeyoung stepped closer, gently taking the blade from your hand and setting it aside. "It's okay," she said softly, wrapping her arms around you. "You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you, no matter what you're going through."

"But it's so hard, Chaeyoung. I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts," you confessed, burying your face in her shoulder.

She held you tighter, her voice soothing. "I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I want to understand. You can talk to me about what you're going through. We'll face this together."

Her words struck a chord deep within you, and you finally let yourself open up about the struggles you had been keeping hidden. You spoke about the weight of anxiety that often crippled you, the overwhelming sadness that seemed to have no end and the fear that you were burdening her with your problems.

Chaeyoung listened attentively, wiping away your tears with a gentle touch. "You're not burdening me," she said firmly. "I care about you deeply, and I want to support you through the good and the bad. We're a team, remember?"

A mixture of emotions washed over you, feeling both vulnerable and grateful for her understanding. "I just don't want you to think less of me because of all this," you whispered, afraid of being judged.

Chaeyoung pulled back slightly, looking directly into your eyes. "I don't think less of you, not at all," she said earnestly. "Your struggles don't define you. I see a strong, caring, and resilient person who I love deeply."

In that moment, you felt a sense of relief wash over you, knowing that you didn't have to hide your pain anymore. Chaeyoung's unwavering support made you realize that you were not alone in your battle with mental health, and that together, you could face whatever challenges lay ahead. From that point on, the bond between you and Chaeyoung grew even stronger, built on a foundation of trust, empathy, and love.

★・・・・・・★

However, as time went on and your mental health struggles persisted, you noticed a shift in Chaeyoung's behavior. She started to express frustration when you couldn't simply "snap out of it" or "think positively." It seemed as though she couldn't grasp the overwhelming nature of mental health challenges and expected me to overcome them effortlessly.

Her lack of understanding made you feel isolated and judged. You began to question whether you were a burden, and self-doubt crept into your mind, exacerbating your emotional turmoil. Whenever you needed reassurance or validation, you hesitated to reach out to her, fearing another dismissive response.

The strain in your relationship intensified, as the person you had turned to for comfort was now the source of additional stress. you longed for her to see the pain you were experiencing and to offer a compassionate ear, but instead, you felt invalidated and unsupported.

Your communication deteriorated as you struggled to explain the complexities of your mental health while she grew impatient with your emotional struggles. you found myself internalizing your pain, withdrawing further into myself to avoid confrontation and rejection.

As days and weeks went by, the constant backlash from Chaeyoung caused tensions to rise between the two of you. The breaking point came during a particularly vulnerable moment when you reached out to Chaeyoung for solace. It was a day when you were feeling particularly vulnerable and needed her support more than ever. You had planned to attend a social gathering, but as the event approached, anxiety began to consume you. Doubts and insecurities plagued your mind, and you found it difficult to shake off the feeling of impending judgment and rejection.

Hesitant to burden Chaeyoung with your worries, you tried to put on a brave face and attended the gathering with her by your side. However, as the evening progressed, you couldn't help but withdraw into yourself, feeling overwhelmed by the crowd and the incessant noise. You clung to Chaeyoung, seeking comfort and reassurance, but she seemed preoccupied and distant, leaving you feeling even more isolated in the midst of the crowd.

As the social gathering progressed and you began to feel overwhelmed, you found a quiet corner away from the crowd and motioned for Chaeyoung to join you. "Hey, Chaeyoung, can we talk for a moment?" you asked, your voice tinged with vulnerability.

Chaeyoung followed you to the corner, but her attention seemed divided, making you hesitant to open up. "What's on your mind?" she asked, her gaze wandering to the rest of the gathering.

Taking a deep breath, you mustered the courage to share your feelings. "I'm feeling really anxious here, Chaeyoung. The noise and the crowd are making it hard for me to focus. I just need a bit of support right now," you admitted, hoping she would understand.

Chaeyoung glanced at you briefly before turning her attention back to the party. "Come on, it's not that bad. Just try to enjoy the moment," she replied, her words lacking the empathy you had hoped for.

Feeling dismissed, you pressed on, needing her to grasp the depth of your emotions. "It's not that simple for me. I'm trying, but it's tough," you said, your voice trembling with the weight of your feelings.

She let out a sigh, seeming impatient. "You're always so sensitive. Can't you just relax and have fun like everyone else?" she remarked, the disappointment evident in her tone.

Her response felt like a blow to your already fragile state of mind. "Chaeyoung, it's not about sensitivity. This is real for me, and I just need someone to understand," you pleaded, hoping she would offer the support you needed.

Her eyes flickered with irritation as she replied, "Fine, but can we talk about this later? I don't want it to ruin the evening."

Feeling hurt and dismissed, you withdrew further into yourself. The silence that followed only intensified the feelings of isolation, making you wonder if you could truly rely on her to be there for you during your most vulnerable moments.

As the night wore on, the tension between you and Chaeyoung continued to simmer, setting the stage for the argument that would later unfold, ultimately leading to the painful realization that your needs and expectations in the relationship were not being met.

The car ride back to their shared apartment was filled with a heavy silence that seemed to echo the unspoken tension between you and Chaeyoung. Both of you sat in the car, lost in your own thoughts, the distance between you palpable. The events of the evening and the hurtful exchange lingered in the air, and you couldn't find the words to break the silence. Each passing moment only reinforced the growing chasm that had formed between you, leaving you feeling more distant than ever. As the city lights blurred outside the window, the quiet car ride felt like a reflection of the growing emotional distance, a stark contrast to the connection you once shared.

Once you arrived back at the shared apartment, the tension from the quiet car ride seemed to reach its breaking point. Unable to bear the emotional weight any longer, you finally spoke up, voicing your hurt and frustration. "Chaeyoung, I needed your support tonight, and you seemed distant and dismissive. It hurts that you couldn't understand what I was going through," you began, your voice trembling with emotion.

Chaeyoung, feeling defensive, responded with frustration, "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. Can't you just handle your emotions on your own?" Her words struck a nerve, and before you knew it, the fight escalated into a heated exchange of grievances, with both of you struggling to bridge the gap in your perspectives. The once loving and understanding relationship now felt like a battleground of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, leading to the heartbreaking realization that the bond you once cherished was unraveling before your eyes.

As emotions reached a boiling point, the tension in the room was palpable. Tears welled up in your eyes as you struggled to express the pain you felt. "Chaeyoung, I just need you to understand that my mental health is a real challenge for me. It's not something I can control or just 'get over,'" you said, your voice trembling.

Chaeyoung sighed, her frustration evident in her tone. "I get that you're going through a tough time, but sometimes it feels like you're just being overly needy and dramatic. Can't you try to be more positive?"

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut. "Chaeyoung, I'm not choosing to feel this way. I wish I could be more positive too, but it's not that simple," you pleaded, hoping she would see the pain behind your eyes.

She looked away, seemingly disinterested in your struggles. "I just don't know if I can handle this anymore. It's like you're always bringing me down with your negativity," she said, her tone cold and distant.

Feeling the weight of her words, you tried to explain how her support was essential to you. "I don't expect you to have all the answers, but I need you to be there for me. To listen and be understanding," you implored, your heart aching for her to comprehend the gravity of your emotions.

Chaeyoung shook her head, a frustrated expression on her face. "I thought I could handle it, but it's draining. I need someone who can be strong for me, too," she replied, seemingly unwilling to grasp the significance of your mental health struggles.

Anger mingled with hurt inside you, and you couldn't hold back your tears any longer. "It's not about strength, Chaeyoung. Mental health isn't a weakness, and I'm doing my best to cope. But your lack of support is breaking me even more," you said, your voice quivering with emotion.

Her eyes softened, but the damage was already done. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I can't pretend like this is easy for me either," she admitted, her voice tinged with guilt.

As the fight reached its climax, emotions were running high, and you could no longer bear the pain of the argument. "Chaeyoung, I can't do this anymore. You don't understand what I'm going through, and I can't keep pretending everything is okay. I need you to leave," you said, your voice firm but laden with sadness.

Chaeyoung's face displayed a mix of shock and regret, realizing the gravity of her actions. "I... I messed up, I know," she stammered, trying to reach out to you. "I'm sorry for not being there for you the way you needed me to be."

Despite her apology, you knew that it was time to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. "I appreciate your apology, but right now, I need space to heal," you replied, your voice tinged with a mix of sorrow and determination.

Reluctantly, Chaeyoung nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. She slowly gathered her belongings and made her way to the door. "Please know that I still love you," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

As she left the apartment, you were left alone, feeling a mix of sadness and relief. The weight of the fight hung in the air, and you slumped against the door, emotions overwhelming you. Surprisingly, you noticed the sound of soft sobs coming from the other side of the door – Chaeyoung was on the ground, too, leaning against it.

For a moment, you both sat there on opposite sides of the door, sharing the same physical space but feeling worlds apart emotionally. It was a poignant reminder of the bond you once had and the pain of its unraveling. As tears streamed down your face, you wished things could have been different, but you knew that taking care of yourself and your mental health was the priority.

In that vulnerable moment, you found strength in the realization that you were not alone in your pain. Despite the pain of the breakup, you knew that both of you were hurting in your own ways, trying to come to terms with the end of a once beautiful relationship.

With time and space, you hoped that healing would come – not just for yourself but also for Chaeyoung. The journey ahead was uncertain, but you knew that prioritizing your mental well-being and self-care was the first step toward finding peace and a new path forward.

#kpopidol #kpop imagines #kpop gg #kpop #chaeyoung #son chaeyoung #twice #twice x reader #chaeyoung x reader #twice angst #chaeyoung angst

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lizmindpalace · 9 months

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English love affair

This is inspired by English love affair by 5SOS and sort of by Lost in reality It is basically what I wanted from the UR+ card "A misty town". Pairing: Obey me Lucifer x f!reader.

Summary: Lucifer does not pay enough attention to you, and you are growing tired about it.

Word count: 7.3 K

Status: Complete.

Warnings: None, really, just some little innuendos. Pure fluff. Summer vibes.

This is 100% self-indulgent because the few last months were really tough for me and my heart was in need of some comfort.

Find it on AO3 and Wattpad.

The lights had turned down a while ago, the windows were open, and the sound of a light rain had drowned any noises around the house, but not the pictures burning in his brain. Heavens tears were dripping on the windows' glasses, beating them in synchrony with his heart, both the rain and his heart beat, slowly increasing their pace, as he kept wandering in that distant land, more than seven thousand miles away from home and days ago in time.

It had all started on a weekend in May, the nights were clearer, and the heat had reached its maximum. He had been doing some paperwork that had to be submitted that same night, even if it was Saturday. It was hard enough to get to focus on something that dull while the temperature made his cheeks blaze and his brain slow down, but it became harder when he decided to open the windows so he could get a bit of the late spring breeze and then had to contemplate how the other inhabitants of the house looked to be enjoying the weather, playing around, abandoning the house for a night out with the promise of leaving a unforgettable memory for the years to come.

Among the joy radiating from his brothers, as if it was a dark cloud in a clear blue sky, he could perceive a shadow that had a despondent face hidden between colourless fingers.

"Cm'on, MC, let's go to the casino, the drinks are on me".

"Sorry Mammon, but I'm not feeling like going to a casino tonight".

"She'd rather go to the spa with me".

"Or to the collectible merchandise pop up store for the new comedy 'I wished I lived in my Otome game and then it came true and now finally I'm living the life I wanted ' that is only open for limited time with me!"

"Actually, no boys, I think I'll pass tonight, and I'll stay here and wander around the garden, you guys go out and have fun, bring me some souvenirs".

After a few moments of disagreement, the crowd vanished, the breeze had scattered them as though they were tree leaves, leaving only a shadowy figure under the tree, in complete silence and loneliness.

"You should go out and have fun too, MC".

"I did not feel like it".

The man sat down by your side, and looked at the reddish sky, it was the closest you could have to a sunset, you looked at it as well, it was pretty but not as much as the stunning sunsets from the human world; you loved the Devildom and you had learnt to think of it as home, but sometimes you really felt homesick about the human world. His gaze met your glistening eyes.

"May I know the cause of your sorrow?" he asked with a soft voice, despite the fact his usual severity was present, you could tell he was worried, maybe he was afraid that you were not taking care of yourself.

"I'm not sad". You tried and he rolled his eyes at you.

"I presume you are homesick. Perhaps we could arrange that Diavolo allows you to go to the human world for a week, or a couple of weeks if possible, I consider that would solve any problems regarding your mental health".

You panted but nodded.

"Whatever, you'll let me know, right? You should go back to work, it looks like it is very important".

He frowned.

"You certainly do not seem happy with my resolution, but I'm not able to help you further if you do not tell me what the issue is".

"It's nothing, I mean, what could be wrong? I've always loved to spend my Saturday nights alone in the darkness, I mean, that's what you have a boyfriend for, right? That's just the ideal date: being all alone in the garden while he complies with his owner's orders, and that is as well the perfect definition of a boyfriend, the kind of boy who is working in his office all day and night long, and he ends up being so tired it takes him a second to fall asleep, and in addition, he forgets you exist".

You were not that kind of person, but lately everything felt like too much, he was never around when you needed him, and you had started to feel really bad about it, and yes, maybe you were homesick too, you longed for the human world's summertime.

"I beg your pardon?" Lucifer looked at you, he was confused, and he could not believe you were behaving like this and expressing your feelings in such way.

"You never spend time with me anymore! I'm tired of being broken hearted, it is like you take me for granted all the time".

Those words sent a different kind of pain to his chest and a bitter taste to his mouth. Had he been that thoughtless? Had he been so careless? He knew well his six brothers, lower range demons, some of the angels and even Diavolo himself and all members of the student council had fallen for you, and you had chosen him, you were dating him and not the other way round, as much as that expression hurt his pride, he would not care less; and yet, it did not sound like he deserved such honour.

His face remained calm, but his heart was beating faster than ever.

"I apologise about that" he whispered, he was almost wordlessly, he could only reach out for your hand as answer.

"It's ok, I did not mean to throw a hissy fit about that". You said after some moments of silence. "It is not important. Go back to your work, I will listen to your advice, and I will go out and have some fun instead, being locked up here is getting on my nerves".

You let his hand go and rose, then walked towards the house of lamentation, vanished into your bedroom. Lucifer sighed, and returned to his office as well, he left the window open so he could keep an eye at the entrance and at you, he did not think you would dare go out alone despite your words, he was sure you acknowledged how dangerous it was to venture yourself into the blackness of the Devildom streets, but he would like to check in case you did or something else happened.

The hours in front of the monitor had affected his already tired eyes, he blinked several times, he was almost blind. He rubbed his eyes when a cloud in his eyes came to life, and moved around as if it was an actual being. He approached to the window and noticed it was not an effect of the light, but it was his human going out as he had suggested. But why were you dressed like that?

A short sparkling dress indicated what your plans were, Lucifer did not want to think too hard about it. He did not want to be possessive, but it was his true nature, he could not help it, and he would be lying if he said that the mere thought of you being seen by everyone like this did not make his blood boil, or maybe it was the thought of you meeting someone attracted by you who would make you think was a better option than he was. Which was another thought he was not being able to bear, even if they were probably right about it.

"So... are you going out after all?" He had decided to casually interfere, now that he was coming closer his pace was slow, and he was glad you didn't see when he literally ran out of his study so he could get to you before you finally left, his demeanour was calm, but fire flowed through his eyes.

"I am". You said nonchalantly, hanging your bag on your right shoulder, looking at the pocket mirror in your hand, and approving the way you looked. He approved it too, but he did not approve you were going out and all of those demons got to see you too.

"May I know where you are going?"

"You have interest in me all of a sudden?" You teased him, with a tiny smile. You had known what his reaction was going to be all along.

"MC..."

"Asmo said he had changed his plans and he would be in a bar with some of his acquaintances, I felt like dancing, so see you later, have fun with your work".

Lucifer looked astonished at you, his mouth and eyes wide open.

"No" he said, it took him less time than you had expected, it had been a long time since the last time he had talked to you in that way, determination impregnated in his voice.

"Sorry?" You frowned, looked at him in feigned confusion.

"You're not going there".

"And why not? Just because you don't want me to go?" You mocked him.

"Just because you're going somewhere else".

You frowned again, trying to catch your thoughts because you were now clueless about what his words meant, but he did not hesitate, and soon he had you against the closest wall with no way out, his lips so close to your collarbone, you could feel his warm breath in your skin, sending shivers throughout your body, leaving you like a little inoffensive sheep cornered by a wolf; showing you why he was called the avatar of pride and the ruler of the underworld.

" You have five minutes. Pack your things up, we're leaving for a whole week".

A smile was drawn on your lips, lightning up yours and Lucifer's faces as well, there was some kind of complicity between the both of you that made your hearts race, then, you bit your lower lip and nodded after he whispered into your ear "it's an order, attendant".

You did as you had been prompted. You hurried upstairs and got some clothes in your bag, as well as some basic supplies. Soon you had a backpack with you, and you were waiting for Lucifer to knock at your door.

Which he did, sort of. He did not wait for an answer and just entered your room, taking your bag.

"But what about your work? And Diavolo? And everyone else?, they could get worried if we just leave like this".

"They'll have to deal with it".

He took your hand in his and hurried out the house of the lamentation, dragging you along with him.

"You did not even tell me where we're going".

He remained silent, you imagined you were going somewhere near the devildom, but once you saw you were coming closer to the border with the human world, you knew.

"Didn't we need some kind of authorisation from Diavolo to leave the Devildom?"

Lucifer shrouded. He never stopped until you two were walking down the wet pavement, surrounded only by orange buildings whose white mouldings stood out in the gloom of the night. You were trying to figure out where you were, but nothing gave you the slightest clue about it.

You had no option but to follow the man inside the orange building and then to the single bedroom for two. You looked through the window while he arranged everything related to your stay there. You saw the fancy houses and cars parked outside of them, it was really Lucifer like, you did not have a single clue where you were, until the blue and red flag let you know.

"Is this Mayfair?"

He smiled.

"You wanted to go to a bar, didn't you?"

You did not notice when he got rid of his coat, still wearing his devil every day clothes, he forced you to leave again.

The pub was overflowing with people and loud catchy music, you could get lost in such a crowd at any second, because the lights danced leaving blindness behind.

Fortunately, the so-called avatar of pride never let go of you, and soon you noticed you two were swinging to the beat of the music in the background, he had placed your arms around his shoulders and his hands held you in place with a grasp on your hips.

Your body had captivated him, but once your foreheads were close enough, your eyes stole his complete attention, you could see yourself in them, being unknown in such a crowd was revitalizing, his movements let you know he was enjoying himself more than ever, and you realised how much mistaken his brothers were when they thought Lucifer did not know how to have fun. Maybe it was the fact he had already drunk three glasses of wine, you did not expect him to get drunk off human alcohol, considering that demonous was at least fifth times stronger, but he was proving you wrong.

His always earnest, composed, paper like face, was now cheerful, his sharp teeth stuck out of his lips, as if they were thirsty for blood, your blood. In addition, a distinct gleam was radiating from his eyes, the kind of gleam he had when you were around and you pretended you weren't aware of his gaze, and that he would hide away when he realised you had noticed. This time he was not trying to skulk it, it was in plain sight, as he wanted you to notice. It felt as though he was devouring you using only his eyes, and you could feel your legs shaking, almost making you fall to your knees and hit the floor.

Summer heat impregnated your bodies and your minds, Lucifer's demonic personality stood out on the changing environment surrounding both of you. Your movements had made the two of you get closer. His hands on you lower back, yours in his hair. He would not say it out loud, but you could perceive he was waiting for more, for the next step, but he doubted, because you were sure he did not want to harm you and that was why he would patiently wait, although you were sure, it would not be for so much longer.

It was your turn to take his hand, to take the initiative to let him know it was fine, you got to the silent streets, where you hailed a taxi, what a blessing the taxi had some kind of compartment and the driver was not able to see the kisses you were stealing from your demon, and how he was devouring your mouth in return.

The car stopped and you two hurried your way upstairs to the flat Lucifer had got for you, something burned inside you, you wanted to be closer to him, even closer since you were already closer than ever already, your kisses were preventing you from getting to your bedroom, the avatar or pride was slowly ousting the avatar of lust and taking his place. The door opened as if welcoming the two of you. You did not notice when Lucifer was over you, staring with his lustful eyes at you, as if you were his prey with no way to escape.

You wanted to say something, but your senses were preventing you from thinking, you were not able to remember your actions either, so probably you had managed to say Lucifer's name, because he had also heard a whisper, his name slipping away from someone's lips, he left your neck for a second, leaving the heat behind for a moment, staring at the darkness, something was wrong, something felt odd, he had recognised that voice.

"For hell's sake..."

You let totally go from Lucifer's grasp and stood up.

"It's not fair you thought you could have MC all for yourself!"

"And all the fun". Asmodeus seconded Belphegor.

He rolled his eyes at his brothers, your cheeks reddened, while you were trying to recompose yourself, hoping no one had seen your previous scene.

"Of course, no one would like to invite the otaku shut in along, I had that coming".

Lucifer sighed, took his hand to his forehead and rubbed it in frustration, shutting his eyes close. His plans had been spoiled in the worst of ways.

"What are you doing here?" Lucifer did not try to hide his annoyance. A tiny smile was drawn on Satan's face.

"How did you know we were here?" You finally asked.

Lucifer got his phone out of his pocket and checked it carefully because Satan's gaze suggested he knew something he did not.

"We have an alert when you leave for the human world, you know, and as every time you do it you bring MC with you, we just wanted to check she was fine". Satan replied, the cunning smile never fading.

"So, we should all have a sleepover, since it's too late to go out now".

"Or we could all join Lucifer and MC in their activities, I think they were having fun".

You blushed again, failing at hiding it and your eyes meeting the floor.

"I think the sleepover would be better, there are always snacks in a sleepover". Beel commented. "And human snacks, which is even better".

"I think it sounds like a good idea, the eight of us can have fun that way. I'll just go to put my pajamas on".

You panted once you were alone in your bedroom for the night, even if you pretended a sleepover with all of them was a good idea and you loved all seven of them, you had really been looking forward to spending some time with Lucifer, alone. It tasted as if you had swallowed disappointment. You looked yourself in the mirror and forced yourself to smile.

Throughout the night, Lucifer and you were only able to exchange looks while his brothers were not paying attention, because they would always interfere when you were trying to speak, but with a single blink, he let you know he would find a way. You were trying to focus on the board games, and at the end you managed to have a good time when you were singing karaoke together. None of you knew when you had fallen asleep on the floor.

The morning came sooner than expected, it was summer, school was supposed to be over, so why were they forced to wake up at that time in the morning?

"Lucifer, for g- Diavolo's sake, what do you think you're doing silly? We had a blast last night, I have barely slept, and I need my sleeping beauty".

The demon whose arms were crossed over his chest looked annoyed at them, he was not happy, he was not even joyful, even considering the fact he was getting to punish his brothers, one of the things he enjoyed the most in the world.

"That's the consequence of leaving without authorisation, Diavolo called me when he noticed none of you were at home, and I had to promise him, this would do some kind of good to the Academy in order to cover the expenses, so we're going to the museum, and you'll submit afterwards a detailed report about it. I've booked tickets for the first tour in the morning, so stop complaining; haste your breakfast and hygiene, we're leaving soon". He looked at his watch in his wrist before speaking again: "and that's in fifteen minutes, so hurry up, or you'll never see the sunlight of the human world ever again, I guarantee you".

Lucifer's threats were always serious, his punishments would always be something to remember, the crowd showed disapproval during the next fifteen minutes and during the walk towards the museum that took them about thirty minutes, but Lucifer remained silent, he was concentrating on something the others were not able to tell.

All of them, strolled together along the corridors and through the white marble halls of the museum, the guide explained every single detail in every single painting and sculpture, that outlined human genius from different times and places. There was something about humans, it did not matter where they were from, how they looked like or what language they spoke, they were all the same, just fascinating. All of the demons admired the way they were able to expose their feelings and true colours in those art pieces, it did not take long for them to get lost in the world created by the human's eyes, they soon realised it was as captivating as you were.

A couple of hours passed by in complete calm, Lucifer himself was not able to believe he was having some time in peace, and the weight on his shoulders was slowly vanishing.

"Lucifer?" A whisper broke the silence everyone was in, it felt as though blood had stained the white veil of the wedding dress everyone dreamed of you wearing in their fantasies. "I cannot find MC". Beelzebub raised his voice, he had not been able to help it, fright and confusion were drawn on his face.

Lucifer finally paid attention to him, now the same expression could be read in his face: bewilderment, if he had to describe it. He looked around, looking for those red cheeks he knew so well.

"She does not pick her phone either".

He had been staring at his phone now, he had been thinking of calling you as well, hearing that made him freeze. Even if he knew the human world was safer than the Devildom itself, your whereabouts were always a reason of concern.

"Remain calm, everyone" Although the one who had to take that piece of advice would have to be himself. "I'll go check with the guard, I'm sure she's in another room or in the toilet, stay together, I don't want more disappearances".

Everyone remained quiet and silently agreed to his instruction, Beelzebub suggested the tour guide to give them the lunch break at that moment so they could stay together in a single place. The six brothers sat in the museum's café, they were trying to have lunch but instead they kept staring at the entrance, waiting for Lucifer, they expected to see MC by his side wearing a shy smile.

But that did not happen.

"Now Lucifer is taking an awful amount of time".

"Leave it to me, I'll call him". Mammon suggested after hearing Asmo saying what he was thinking.

"Beel, why is Lucifer's phone in your pocket?" Satan raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Oh no, he was so worried he forgot about it. And now if he gets lost, he won't be able to enter the food delivery app, he will starve to death". Everyone could see Beel was really worried about that scenario, he even left his chips by his side for a moment, his face showing worry.

"Let's wait a little longer, and then we'll go back to the flat if they don't show up soon". Satan said and everyone agreed in silence.

It was a shame they were trapped inside when the day outside was so beautiful.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" You asked a bit worried.

"That's why we escaped from the Devildom in the first place, isn't it? Stop worrying about them and enjoy me instead".

Your cheeks blushed and Lucifer remembered why he had fallen so hard for you, those colours that made you different to anyone else had captivated him. You kept walking together, you were now far away from the museum.

"I know, but they'll be worried, what if they make this bigger than it is?"

"There was no other way, and I would appreciate if you changed the subject, I don't want to think of them at the moment".

You sighed.

"I thought you were the adventurous kind; you know, the girl studying abroad in the Devildom, falling for the bad guy, you should be enjoying this". He snickered at you, and you rolled your eyes at him, but just after a moment, you joined him and laughed, he was somewhat right.

You surmised he was completely right after all, and you should enjoy your little adventure by his side, after all, his brothers had been the ones to show up without permission and without invitation and had spoiled your little time off. You took his hand in yours while you walked down the street after reflecting on this.

The fresh summer breeze was slapping your face, messing with your hair while your eyes fought to stay open, it made you feel at home, at ease, the feeling got stronger when you remembered you were with your lover, as if you were complete, your heart danced, and your blood rushed through your veins to reach it out.

"Fancy some tea? What? We're in London, aren't we?"

"Are you really offering me tea even considering this heat?"

"Would you rather have an ice cream, instead?" Lucifer said and your eyes shone while you nodded in approval. The both of you reached out to the park, it was greener than ever before, and the trees danced to the beat of the wind, Lucifer got you an ice cream that handed to you, and you suggested to sit down in the swings, he looked at you as if you were one more of his childish brothers, but at the end, he gave up, he smiled once you two were slightly moving back and forth, enjoying the good weather and your dessert. The sound of the tree leaves reminded you of a waterfall, the sun warming your body and the sound of people gave you the sort of relaxation, you had been longing for so long.

"Did you leave your phone at the flat as I advised?"

"They'll find it on the bedroom's vanity".

"Good, Satan won't be able to track us down this time".

You shared his devilish smile, knowing you had got your way this time.

"May I try yours?"

Lucifer frowned at you, your smiling face produced some kind of affection to his chest that changed his behaviour every time, it was weird to be seen in public like that, but no one knew him there, he remembered, so he obliged and fed you with his own ice cream.

"Try mine..." you made a grimace when he refused. "Don't make me force you".

"I would like to see you try".

"Sta-"

He groaned, irritated.

"I can do it. There's no need to do that".

He licked your ice cream while you chuckled, perhaps you were actually of the adventurous kind.

"It has a good taste, I think it's almost as sweet as you, although..."

You could not help yourself, seeing his lips move like that, you wished you were the ice cream instead, and therefore, you hurried to steal a kiss from him before he started talking. He blushed, he had not been expecting it, you had caught him off guard, it felt different in comparison to the night before, when you were anonymous, since now everyone around was looking at you two, or at least that's what he thought.

He froze for a second, his pride sheltering him, as if he was in a bubble, a bubble you were breaking with your daring actions, he was completely red, almost out of control when a light split the sky into two, drops falling from the sky started landing on your faces, lowering the temperature, you looked up, definitely there was a huge storm coming.

You did not mind, as long as you could keep holding your beloved one as close as you were now, however, he cared, because he stepped away, and took an umbrella from his coat.

"You didn't bring yours, did you?"

You shook your head. He sighed.

"We should seek shelter before it's too late, we can continue whatever we were doing there".

You stared at the sky, that morning when you looked at yourself in the mirror you had been glad of your choice of clothes, black shorts and black sneakers with a shirt with hues of red, you felt pretty and according to the summer, now that the sky was graying out, you were regretting your choices for the day, perhaps it was not appropriate enough now for the approaching storm. You looked at your bare legs with worry, but then another thought came to your mind, you noticed you had been wearing matching colours and you failed at hiding a smile when you realised it.

You did not want to leave but the grasp of Lucifer's hand made you rose and start walking again down the streets, leaving the natural scenario behind.

"You take it" he forced you to take his transparent umbrella, you looked up and noticed how the drops fell on it, it was a nice umbrella, you could not help but smile while seeing the sky above, crying over you. The calm suddenly changed though, since soon you noticed the light rain turned into a heavy downpour.

"Come here, you're getting wet". You gestured at the space by your side, under the umbrella.

"I'm fine, you cover yourself".

"I don't want to look after a sick demon when this is supposed to be fun, unless you're doing this because you're too embarrassed to be seen with me in public, which you could openly tell me, I'm not willing to beg for your attention ever again, we can leave things like this right now".

Lucifer took a deep breath, and then after a moment of hesitation, a step closer to you, and then passed his arm around your shoulders, while you kept holding the umbrella.

"If we walk slow enough none of us will be wet".

"And if I keep you this close you won't be cold". He whispered.

You smiled, made him stop in the middle of the street and carefully, placed your arms around his neck, leaving another kiss on his lips. The only thing covering you both was the see-through umbrella and the raindrops falling over it. Everyone around was looking at you and his cheeks were red as were yours, but you could not care less, you liked it when you made him blush. Even if it was only a side effect of his prideful character.

"You're being very naughty today, aren't you? I think I will have to do something to correct that behaviour". He leaned in and kissed you roughly this time, as if he was trying to demonstrate he could do better than you at being naughty, while he was demonstrating you, he would not care about his perfect image being scratched by you, he had made that decision, even if there was a chance you were encountered by his brothers again showing affection to each other like this. "I missed you, and I promise you, I'll never let work take over my time like this again".

He looked around after leaving you breathless, people had started to pass you by, ignoring you, however he must have seen something, because he stopped. "They found us". He took your hand and simply started to run without giving you any opinion on the matter, the umbrella no longer preventing the water from getting into you, making your body freeze, almost producing pain, and two minutes later your hair and clothes were soaking wet, leaving you tired after that little race. You took the red bus after you had stopped, although you had no idea where it was going to.

"I think we lost them again" Lucifer shook his head, plumping up his hair using his hand. Everything in him was hypnotizing and you could not help but admire his wet hair falling over his forehead, his bright red eyes thinking of something you could not imagine, giving him a mysterious look. You could tell there was some kind of malice in his grimace, he was having fun, he was a damn sadist after all.

"So, who was following us?" You asked trying to get out of your thoughts, trying to remain calm, you looked at the window, attempting to catch a clue of what was happening.

"My brothers, of course".

"How did they find us?"

Lucifer shrugged as if it was no important at all, and then held your hand in silence for the rest of the trip.

Some blocks later across the wet London streets, Lucifer held you by the waist, helping you to descend the bus steps so you would not get wet by stepping into the puddles, as if you could get wetter.

He took you through another narrow hallway, another tall building showing in front of you and covering the sky, and the rain, the only sound that could be heard were your sloppy steps. He led you upstairs, never letting go of your hand, it was silent. You did not stop climbing until you reached out the roof, the wooden door opened before you, leaving the two of you outside, under the no more gray sky, but rather painted in pink and orange hues, due to the fact the sun was coming back. The view was spectacular, the whole city of London could be appreciated from there, the wind hit your face, reminding you it was not a dream, you were there in flesh and blood.

"I'm glad it was here on time."

You glanced over at the table by the balcony, there was pizza and chips, as well as some drinks, you noticed then you were actually starving.

"Be my guest", he gestured and helped you to have a seat.

You soon were taking a big bite to your pizza slice. The feeling of being chased and your head revolving around was slowly decreasing thanks to the fact you were getting some energy from your meal, and now you were all of a sudden laughing.

"What is it the matter?"

"I cannot believe they followed us all the way here".

"My brothers have always shown some kind of protective affection towards you, it was just logical, although inconvenient, especially when you're trying to have a date".

Your face blushed, and then you stared at your pizza.

"How did you get the food?"

"Beel, he was quite helpful this time... Listen, it might not be the kind of date you were expecting, and I promise you..."

"Stop right there" you cut him off.

"I only wanted to spend some time with you, some quality time with no paperwork just you and I alone, no matter what we're doing, and I am very fond of pizza, so I won".

The fairy lights over your head suddenly turned on, as well as the lights coming from the distant city, you could see the reflection of the sun on the Thames, little ships travelling down its course with their bright flags and lights standing out the growing darkness. It was the phenomena you had been missing, one of the few things that the Devildom could not equal, Lucifer admired the landscape as well, it was likewise, one of his favourite things from the human world, the balance between light and darkness, good and evil, just as it was comprised in its inhabitants.

"I just wanted to make sure you still..." you interrupted yourself, leaving the sentence unfinished, as if you were choosing the correct words to deliver your message.

"I still and I will always love you, MC".

You could not help but smile even wider, you were not able to look at his eyes, you felt like a teenager again, maybe even worse, your legs shook every time you thought of him, your checks reddened when you saw him, and your voice stuttered when you talked to him. You wanted to tell him you loved him as much, but for some reason you could not get the words out of your mouth.

" I love you too, Lucifer". You finally managed to whisper.

Some fresh music started to sound in the background as if magic had produced it.

"You wanted to dance, didn't you? We've been interrupted every time".

He rose before you could say anything, and dragged you along, soon he had you spinning around the floor, you both laughing because it was something embarrassing (even more embarrassing for the avatar of pride), although you decided he was just enjoying himself as much as you were, which was not usual for him, and you concluded that once in a while, leaving his brothers without surveillance in the middle of the human world creating chaos, was not that bad.

Your body danced to the rhythm of the music for longer than you imagined; his grip on your waist, your hands around his neck, his perfume invading your senses, even standing out the smell of petrichor, the gift that rain had left for you; the sun had totally set when you separated your dreamy eyes from his, and the moon was now shinning over your heads, with its silver light falling over you, casting living shadows over the floor, the stars were sparkling as much as your eyes were. Your hearts were racing, he was not able to take his eyes off you, or his hands, you were both in some kind of trance, you were sure he had managed to cast some sort of spell on you because your brain was not able to command your limbs, they were only controlled by the electricity of his contact.

You did nothing to stop him when his kisses became warmer and more intrusive, or when his hands fought the resistance of the fabric of your clothes; your breath hitched in your chest due to the anticipation with every single kiss and touch, you let yourself fall into his trap of love and seduction, letting the sparks fly in the middle of the fire and the rain. That night, you allowed him to take over your body and soul, you were his prisoner, and you did not want to escape.

The music produced by the scattered raindrops on the glass roof woke you up, it was late, but not that late, the stars were still visible, and the sunlight was barely perceived in the horizon. Everything was quiet, then you remembered who you were with when you felt his warm embrace and soft breath under you.

"Don't leave". He said, showing some kind of vulnerability he would have hidden if he had been fully awake, that made you heart melt as he had done with your mind and body just a few hours ago, he would not say it out loud, but his heart was completely strung out. "I need your angel eyes".

You snickered and hugged him back. After that night you would not be able to leave him ever again even if you tried. Why had you waited so long to elope?

You softly kissed his lips. It took several minutes for you to get up, none of you wanted to let go the other, but at the end, the responsible side of Lucifer finally showed up. So, you were forced you took a shower, while he took care of making breakfast.

You fixed your appearance in front of the mirror. Lucifer casually walked in to inform you "It's time for breakfast, and then we'll have to leave" and held you from behind and kissed your cheek, then you two stared at each other in the mirror, your faces looked filled with joy and Lucifer particularly, looked as if he had come back to life after being dead for some centuries.

You nodded. Something was wrong with Lucifer today because he was spoiling you too much, the English breakfast before you was not only appetizing to your eyes, but also to your tastebuds.

"The breakfast was amazing". You smiled at him once you had finished.

"I am glad to hear you enjoyed it". He nodded behind his cup of black coffee.

"Thank you". You smiled at him and he, as a natural effect, smiled back at you. "I enjoyed this little trip. Even if it was just a night, instead of the seven days you had promised".

"I apologise about it, I will find a way to compensate it".

You agreed with his statement, you would have liked to stay longer, to do something else, but it was time to go.

The way back on the bus was calm, people was minding their own business and you enjoyed the trip looking at the buildings and the crowds outside.

"Who was following us before we took the bus yesterday?"

Lucifer chuckled and you raised an eyebrow.

"No one was following us, I just sort of felt creative".

You hit his arm and laughed.

"I knew your brothers weren't capable of doing so, they are good boys, you just have to be a bit more patient with them".

"What are you, their lawyer?"

"Please?"

He sighed.

"Fine, but you'll be responsible for their bad behaviour if you insist on defending them".

You nodded. You knew they would get into trouble often, but it was part of the fun. And most of the times it was nothing serious.

You soon arrived to the Mayfair place where you had first arrived the previous night, a crowd was reunited there and there were some ambulances as well, the street was automatically cosed and Lucifer had to double check it was the correct street, hoping it was the incorrect one, but deep down knowing it was not, he could almost see the scene before his eyes: he could see Mammon starting the problem, Levi and Asmo panicking about it, Beel being too busy eating to notice, Belphie smelling the smoke and deciding it was not worthy enough to wake up, Satan rolling his eyes. Lucifer moved his head in disapproval, sighed in frustration and wasted no time and started to think of an appropriate punishment, whereas you almost fell in his arms when you finally realised the flat and the whole building where you had been staying had been burnt to dust, and it had only taken them a night alone.

"I'm glad you'll get to do the cleaning this time, my little apple-pie". Lucifer whispered into your ear, when you finally met the dusty faces of his six brothers, then he chuckled.

Definitely, you would look for a way to stop acting as their attendant and- what? Lucifer had called you his little apple-pie? For some reason you decided to change your mind. Maybe you could wait a bit longer and keep up with your duties as their attendant.

The way home was as bittersweet as the chemistry that produced those strange feelings inside him towards you because Lucifer was mad at his brothers, and they were fearing for their fate and the punishment Lucifer would give them but there was as well an unobtrusive smile drawn on his lips because of the memories of your previous night together. He was less severe this time, maybe because of what you had told him or maybe for some other reason you were not able to tell, but maybe it was the happiness you two were sharing and weren't able to hide away. With time things settled down, life became what it used to be before your little adventure, although you weren't wretched anymore and every time and then, when Lucifer noticed he was not giving you enough attention he would find a way to have some time alone with you, he would count the days until he could bring you back to him.

"Are you going to sleep or are you going to stare at me all night?" You said, you were not able to sleep because he was not sleeping either and you could feel his red eyes on you even in the dismal darkness.

"Your picture haunts me in the dark while I'm falling asleep, it is not my fault". He sometimes felt like a rag doll, whose pieces belonged to you, and you could manipulate as you wished, and for some odd reason he was fine with it, he had given in, and stopped trying ways to turn it around.

"Oh, shut up, if we want to ride the London eye, we'll have to wake up early". You softly smiled and hugged him, truth be told, you weren't able to escape him anywhere either, not even in your dreams. He kissed your scalp and closed his eyes, you were right.

This was the first day of your second trip together and you could not wait for the adventures to come by Lucifer's side, under the rain in the misty town of London.

- Note: I took the idea of the pet name "apple pie" from some post here on Tumblr because I found it adorable, I just cannot remember who was the user who came up with it, so, if you're the one, let me know to give you credit here :3

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me fanfiction #lucifer x reader #lucifer x mc #mc #5sos #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #lmp:obeyme #lmp:obeymeff #obey me lucifer x reader #fanfiction #fluff #summerish

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faithfromanewperspective · 5 months

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Bipolar James??

Hi anon! I see you've found my post on something, likely related to the midnight heir and want to ask more. I still don't know how to link posts on this site, and my original was very much processing on the go and I doubt its comprehensibleness, so here goes. I'll try to summarise it.

First off this is a headcanon, a hypothesis if you will that attempts to make sense of the evidence we see in the different canon appearances of James Herondale: Nothing but Shadows; Cast Long Shadows; The Midnight Heir; and The Last Hours trilogy. Three short stories from different collections and three very long books. We get James' POV only in TLH and NBS (but more on this later). It is also a piece of a puzzle and really only partly explains what is going on for this boy: no real person can be minimised to a psychiatric diagnosis, and same goes with a well-constructed fictional character. I'll touch on some of the other context I find as important, and so this post might derail at times but I'll bring it back to the question you have asked. So without further ado:

There have been a lot of criticisms of the way Cassandra wrote James and I do want to say, these are valid. And it's okay to be disappointed. Personally I don't think he's necessarily inconsistent; instead I see the inconsistencies of expression as different forms of self-expression of a mentally ill teenager who's trying to make sense of his own existence in a world that can be cruel but needs love and kindness, but often only accepts these in neuronormative ways which cannot ever capture his own idealism and need for a specific kind of connection. Who was born into the lonely role of being the first ever of his kind; and on top of one-quarter of his genetics coming from a demon, his other three grandparents carry the genetics for a range of neurodivergences, further isolating his experience. He's such an interesting intersection of having grown up with love and having grown up carrying more than a child ever should, with no one there to really witness and empathise, not properly in the way he needs. So I'm going to go through chronologically to how I've reached this hypothesis, feel free to skim to headings if you like!

From the beginning: feeling isolated, neurodivergence and trauma Here I briefly touch on James' first canon appearance: the Whitechapel Fiend. He's only a toddler, a good kid, whose comfort item is a spoon, okay, and he likes to repeat what it is which is baby behaviour but also like this is our baby autistic boy (first piece of context). Here he spends time with his cousins as their parents fight demons. Yet, later he doesn't feel close with said cousins as we see in Nothing But Shadows, set approximately 11 years later.

Fast forward to the summer he turns 13, in Days Past in Chain of Gold and also Nothing But Shadows. His grandparents have died, he's a muddle of feelings and feels excluded from his parents' grief. He's going to Hatchards with his father, feeling socially awkward and self-conscious about it, about his existence, everything. My important piece of information to take away here is that from the outside you wouldn't know he's feeling like this. He's shy, well he's 13. He likes to read, what a good kid, what a cute hobby. Thomas calls him 'aloof and above it all' while he's actually half dissociated from the overwhelm and is constantly escaping into books to cope, to the point where he isn't sleeping well and he's missing classes. He's actually close with his parents, he doesn't have any other social networks (even though he is friends with Cordelia and Thomas, but he doesn't see them regularly and doesn't seem to know how to maintain long-distance friendships like Lucie does) and yet he still feels as if he shouldn't intrude on them and their feelings. This persists when he decides to stay at the Academy instead of worrying his mother or have Tessa feel as if her heritage was hurting him. He has this insecurity about worrying people that carries through all the canon stories we see him in, and even influences his narration.

And yet he's quite emotionally mature for 13. We see it in his conversation with Matthew when they first open up to each other. He stands up for himself when Matthew laughs. We see him processing in real time what it must be like to grow up having to care for your parents. We also see it in his ideals and his justification for why he's a shadowhunter. He's very empathetic, he cares a lot about injustice, he sees things from the perspectives of downworlders and mundanes and isn't afraid to say it, even when it further exacerbates the social awkwardness he's so self-conscious about. And I know, so far all I've done is made a case for him being autistic.

But he's also selfless to the point where it isn't sustainable, filled with hurt and rage as well as a growing consensus that he doesn't deserve to be taken care of and how could he ever be loved enough to be someone's parabatai? In one scene we see him direct this rage at Alastair. But most of the time it's directed at himself, and you wouldn't even know that it's there. You'd just see the boy who's always reading, who's a little shy and self-conscious (but as we see in Cast Long Shadows is starting to come out of his shell and build a little confidence when he's with his friends). A typical 14yo introvert. And he's so good, he's protective and loyal and justice-driven, he even threw Augustus Pounceby in the river when he insulted Tessa.

But what if that was just another expression of the rage and unprocessed hurt that becomes depression? It's not like with Matthew, who is expressive and friendly and wears his emotions close to the surface. It's the way it compounds with his shadow realm related ongoing trauma and autism-related sensitive nervous system to send it haywire, constantly watchful, nightmares instead of sleeping. And yes he works through the most obvious ptsd-ish symptoms here with Jem, but prolonged hypervigilance alone is a trigger for depression and I'm pretty certain that's what we're seeing in the lingering insomnia and self-deprecating thoughts he's used to dismissing (except in that odd window of time that is TMH when his self-control and inhibitions are down) and reliance on his friends to feel just about anything positive. We see it when he says the time with Cordelia 'was the happiest [weeks] of [his] life' in Chain of Thorns--like, mate, you barely left the house and you dreamed of people dying the entire time, was this really better than your entire life? He's a worrier and an overthinker and some of that is down to his neurodivergence and isn't in itself problematic, but sometimes things aren't that easy to unravel: he's always been like this, living with big feelings he tries to hide the intensity of and a bias towards the negative that he's simply learned to build a sense of optimism around. And so to him all of this is normal; he's largely accepted it, and he lives with it: not in a state of desperation but a numb sort of acceptance that is the product of years of work. Of course, even this coping strategy comes apart sometimes.

The Bracelet: Exacerbating and Twisting Existing Cognitive Processes and Midnight Heir Mania This next part of the headcanon mostly depends on my interpretation of what exactly the spell of the bracelet does. Mostly. Not completely. But after much investigation I've come to the conclusion that the bracelet is mostly an attention diverter. It functions a bit like ADHD forgetfulness, interestingly enough, but what is pretty much canon is it doesn't actually manufacture affection for Grace, only redirects the existing feeling of isolation and longing that it exacerbates by directing James' attention away from being able to focus on and maintain the memory of the feeling of belonging from when he's with his friends, family, whatever--but then again, he's kind of always been like that. It attempts to connect in his head pathways between the concepts of Grace, kissing, and love, and you can tell how much it gets both muddled with and overshadowed by the real thing when they kiss in Chain of Iron and James just subconsciously goes straight to imagining Cordelia. I think this is because it is demonic in origin and demons can't manufacture real love, or even feel it. My point is, I guess, that the bracelet isn't massively powerful (hence being able to pass undetected while conducting minimal attention diversion on others) but it is constantly, persistently, manipulating whatever neurological processes exist for James and directing them towards its own goal (this feeds into my theory of warlock genetics and DNA mimicry but here isn't the post to talk about it).

Thus, in some ways it functions like a less-than-ideal medication: it does prevent the overthinking from running free unless it's about Grace (which is probably helpful at times, and we see it in bits in Chain of Thorns when he's spiraling a lot more) but also dampens James' problem-solving abilities and overall intelligence, including his emotional intelligence about his friends which is probably the most heartbreaking part. It exacerbates any existing rarely-focused-on proprioception and alexithymia (another headcanon, not as strong but it fits) but makes him hyper-aware of a sense of pain and emptiness whenever he's not with Grace, building the association that it's from being without her. Mostly, it serves to contrast his connection (and their friendship is real, to start with) with Grace with the rest of the world by hindering his ability to feel connection and causing more isolation: which is unfortunately the thing James has been trying to get out of his entire life. We see Grace narrate that she saw the light go out in his eyes when she put it on him. This means that he gets to feel love and connection for a few short months only, and even that was against a backdrop of some pretty intense trauma (and through this contrast, the story paints the picture that connection and love=good and will defeat evil, isolation and secrets are bad and leave you vulnerable).

From there it's not a big jump to say that in The Midnight Heir, when Grace has broken up with him in a letter and there's no way to talk things over just that immediate and unexpected betrayal, the bracelet will have him hyperfixating on the hurt and the loss of Grace: the loss of his only hope and real joy and connection in life. His inhibitions and self-control that still, even with the bracelet on, have him behaving in socially acceptable ways in hopes of fitting in and laying the groundwork to love and connect with the rest of the world in a way that something in James has always longed for (yet simultaneously found all but impossible) and we see this when he goes to comfort Eunice Pounceby in his parents' stead--are down in this moment in time. And I refuse to believe that it's purely because of the alcohol. In fact, I think it's something that comes prior to his alcohol consumption at that time; the alcohol no doubt exacerbates it but if he were truly drunk he would not have such good aim with the gun (Ragnor wouldn't have been encouraging to shoot things if he was likely to accidentally kill someone imo) and he wouldn't be able to ride a bicycle with no hands or climb Nelson's Column or whatever it's called. Actually, based on what Will and Tessa say to Magnus about how he's usually so good but has basically been off the rails recently, I would say this is quite a clear indicator of a (hypo)manic episode.

A big misconception about bipolar is that manic episodes have to be euphoric (like extra happy and excited etc). This is quite clearly a dysphoric manic episode: it's as if the hurt and the hopelessness and every feeling he's been hiding have come to a head and been unable to be contained by the person he presents as to the world anymore. He's filled with self-deprecating rage, he's been under the bracelet's spell for long enough that he's shrinking from the possibility of being cared for even more than he already would, he's hanging out with Matthew who's in a similar headspace and is already a heavy drinker and Christopher who's already unhinged most of the time; Thomas is in Madrid and so there's no one to really ground him. On top of that it's mid to late winter and James pretty much canonically gets seasonal depression anyway, and depression and (hypo)mania can actually be triggers for each other and so it's quite possible that all of this built up to a point until he was unable to care about what people thought or how he treated them anymore and started doing things he wouldn't usually; with that came a burst of energy from his suppressed rage and all of this mounted into a dysphoric (hypo)manic episode. The letter from Grace was the cherry on top but also what catalysed him to burn off the rest of his energy in one night and almost die multiple times; we can assume his parents and Jem intervene somehow and somehow by the time we see him next in Chain of Gold he's back to his usual muted slightly frustrated (bracelet) self. That's my theory at least.

And I would say that the bracelet did have a big role to play in this but it didn't completely cause it. It only lined up more dominoes than would be there without it, possibly making it more extreme than it otherwise would be or show up at a time when it otherwise wouldn't. I also think TMH therefore is consistent with canon, and I see clues in TLH that build on this point: the same insecurities about worrying the people around him and the fact that he'd rather suffer alone; and a similarly unstoppable energy in Chain of Iron when he's tying himself to a bed the minute he's alone at home trying to figure out if he's the murderer just because he's dreaming through the murderer's eyes (and imo that's not a rational possibility at all, considering things like winter and nightclothes and wrong weapons and Effie would definitely notice him leaving and coming back covered in blood) and yet he won't just go to the Institute and tell his parents what's going on and have them watch him instead of ropes he can definitely untie. Like then it's far from a true hypomanic episode but he's hurting, he's desperate, he's quietly dramatic and feeling isolated and he's narrating the whole story like nothing is wrong and Cassandra wants us all to be worried about Matthew and somehow only Lucie and sometimes Thomas notice that James isn't okay either.

James' masking and narration style Finally, I've talked about this before but James (and also Tessa, which I think is where he gets it from) have a tendency to narrate what's going on around them in a way that kind of dissociates from how they're feeling. For James, it's almost as if the way he doesn't want to worry anyone around him has permeated into his internal narrative and combined with the skills he's learned to keep his head up while he's actually suffering quite a lot. I'd say this is much more prevalent at 17 than at 13 but it is still always there. If he shows the Mask (which Cordelia hates and he mostly uses when he's under the bracelet's influence, but we do see it a couple of times without) to the people around him, this is how he maintains a sense of optimism and autonomy to himself as he goes through a world that is very overwhelming. It's like a mix of radical acceptance and emotional dissociation which isn't the healthiest but also isn't the worst, it's quite common I'd say where I'm from (and this isn't tsc fandom related at all but I wrote a post on the western sydney work ethic which it reminds me a little of). It also means as readers (with this combined with Cordelia's narration and she views James through very rose coloured glasses) we're led to spend the entire trilogy worried about Matthew (who we get very minimal POVs from and the two we get really just serve to further the plot with barely any introspection) who is himself, actually very worried for James. It becomes a weird enmeshed cycle, but hey, what are parabatai for? And then in the epilogue of Chain of Thorns Matthew hits us with the heartbreaking (because it's to Cordelia) line 'the past few months [have really showed me or smth] how miserable James has been, and for [so?] long'. Like James is doing alright, he always has been, he never needed to be looked after the way Thomas or Christopher seemed to even back at the Academy. But he hasn't really been doing well, at least since then if not longer, and no one knows him or understands this better than Matthew.

I really wish we got James' POV in the epilogue of Chain of Thorns but instead we get Cordelia twice, and we see them in love and really living that and seemingly having done so and gotten closer the way they were always meant to be over that six months we don't see. He seems every bit that person we only got glimpses of who shows and tells her how much he loves her regularly because the feelings are so overwhelming in a good way for once but also because he's able to channel the very thoughtful and selfless way he's learned to interact with those around him into his relationship with his wife and she actually treats him in the same way in return: the wounds of isolation are slowly healing, it's summer and the depression has eased, the desperation and longing aren't really significant now that his needs for the kind of connection where he's seen and feels respected and free the way he likes to be are met, and overall this is a euthymic period for possibly the first time since he was very small and we love it for him--but it's also quite hard to tell on first read how significant this is, because he narrates as someone who's used to suffering and it's so normalised the way that culturally, most of us don't live like this (and that's probably a good thing for us).

Final thoughts Do I think the rage against injustice isn't there anymore, isn't simmering below the surface, it just magically went away because James and Cordelia are married and live happily ever after? No. Do I think that the trauma from his school days, the insecurities he picked up from his parents, and the whole sexual abuse fiasco won't come back to bite him later? Of course not. This headcanon exists because I can see that James' story doesn't end with one (1) eurhythmic period but instead this almost out-of-character ending is actually, just like the controversial TMH, a part of a bigger picture in which complex neurobiology can bring up changes in energy and mood in a cyclical manner and that seems to be what's going on with James. I do think that he'd require another hypomanic episode without the bracelet's interference to be diagnosed if psychiatry the way we know it existed then, and I do hope that when his life is less stressful and there's no sudden trips to the shadow realm and he's feeling connected and not constantly overwhelmed and maybe gets a chance to do some social justice stuff and express his sense of justice in a healthy way, they'd be a lot fewer and far between and probably less severe. But I do also think the minute you put him on an antidepressant he'd be not sleeping again (antidepressants can trigger mania) and maybe this time super excited about something? Autistic special interests that transcend the need for sleep in researching his favourite occult magicians maybe? Like it's mostly a vibe at this point, but I do think the evidence is there, and here are a few more reasons why:

First, the high genetic crossover with things like autism both in brain structures and co-occurrence. I think he gets his autism from Linette and from Aloysius Starkweather. I think the recipe for bipolar is also handed down with that mixed with whatever is going on with Edmund Herondale. Cassandra Clare invented genetics and Charles and Matthew Fairchild are evidence of this. I think their genetics would be consistent with what happens irl and to this point they have only proven this. I'm not going to quote the exact stats because studies vary, both conditions are massively underdiagnosed and have a tendency to be explained in stereotypical ways impacting the stats (James is very unstereotypical and I love that for him) and I have misquoted this before and I don't want to do that but I also don't have the time to dive into every scientific study and analyse their viability. But hey, the science is there.

And finally, the Waterstones letter Matthew sends to James from his trip when he has some advice from Oscar Wilde' ghost I believe and he thinks it might apply to James as well. Matthew is another character I've also headcanoned to have bipolar though it looks very different for him (also this is why I love these two's dynamic so much) and he's very intuitive about these things even with none of the terms we know today. So I wouldn't be surprised that he'll be like 'oh yeah this is me and james both' and be dead right about exactly what both of them need.

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soup-du-silence · 4 days

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YES TUMBLR, I KNOW YEO TAGGED ME, IM AWARE, YOU DONT HAVE TO SEND ME A PUSH NOTIFICATION EVERY HOUR, I WAS AT WORK!!!!

Taico tagged me too apparently but I didnt get a notif for that??? ok

Last Song: The DJ is Cryng for Help. Excited to be the oldest bitch at the AJR concert this summer.........again lol. Love/hate relationship with the new album but they put on a good show

Favourite Colour: red! I need to re-dye the red in my hair I am considering this a reminder.

Currently watching: We've been on youtube lockdown pretty much ever since Vanguard debuted, but with the boys in japan for holofes/their upcoming 3D debuts, their schedules have been inconsistent. Alisa's a very hardcore Betellion meaning if Bettel's streaming she has him playing on at least two screens simultaneously and is active in chat, and Im a very normal Hakkito meaning I usually get through like 65% of Hakka's streams, eventually, if I have time. We'll throw on Shinri or Altare if we're caught up or there's nothing else happening. I made the mistake of introducing Alisa to HBomberguy and she's been filling the gaps with her 500th rewatch of the Plagiarism or Pathologic vids while the stars are busy. But also we're watching Dungeon Meshi! Izutsumi soon!!!!!

At this precise moment in time Alisa's watching the new JapanEat upload. (We love this guy)

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: Spicyyyyyyy I love spicy Im a terrible cook and i only know how to season with cayenne. i dont know when exactly i started equating "flavor" with "pain" but it is what it is. I'm kind of reaching the stage in my life where I need to be more careful about what I put in my gut because sometimes just too much pepperoni will fuck me up for 24 hours but also what if I ignored my aging body and didn't do that?

Relationship status: I've been with Alisa for 15 years! We met in the Meet the Robinsons fandom on livejournal/deviant art

Current Obsession: Four years late to the party Twisted Wonderland finally got its hooks into me! (Add me on EN: ZyEdsarR) I'm very mentally unwell about Scarabia. None of the fanfic on AO3 is scratching the itch so I'm spending too much money importing doujin. It's great but it takes a month to get like eight books and oops one of them is just a straight up fanfic and im sure its banger but I can't google translate my way through 60 pages of japanese text, one of them is solid porn which, yknow, cool, but it was probably something I was in the mood for when I placed the order a month ago and now I want story, and I have to sit down at my desk with good light to translate with my phone camera when what i CRAVE is to lie in bed on my side reading fic on my phone until 2 am. I'm dying, squirtle. (Anyone got good fic recs? there is WAY too much fic for pickings to be as slim as I feel like they are)

Last thing I googled:

none of these recipes look like the amazing shit they gave us at Falafel King so wish me luck

#uhmmmm i dont think i have anyone else to tag aaaa

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rozieramati · 4 months

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12/31/23

wow. it's 2:30am, i can't sleep because i was crying a shit ton, reflecting on the end of the year, just feeling really alone. but then this happened.

i was looking for some old lyrics in my notes app for my (unreleased) album and stumbled upon this diary entry i wrote in May 2017:

it's super long so i can't screenshot the whole thing but here it is below copy & pasted. i can't believe how far i've come. i just want to hold her tight and tell her she did it.

Awakening

The year of 2016 is well known as the “year of realizations” and to be honest, I could not agree more. 2016 was a very transformative year for me; I experienced my first high level rowing competition (and did very well) I experienced love ( beyond what I could have ever imagined), I went to UC Berkeley for a rowing camp (eventually getting recruited), and within all of my successes I had downfalls, many downfalls. In regards to my unexpected suaray with love, it was the first time I had encountered someone that encouraged me to embrace my artistic side. He was very artistic himself, a poet but, for some reason, we connected through music. His passion for his writing inspired me to find what it was that truly gave me purpose because, going into senior year, I felt beyond lost. The fact that I did not know what made me truly happy, that I did not know who I really was or where I would like to see myself in the future, was something constantly on my mind and my anxiety around it completely overtook my life. I became very depressed because I realized I had lived my whole life to please others and their expectations, I had lived seventeen years of life not really living. Coming into this, I changed my lifestyle pretty quickly and once I did, I could never go back despite the possibility of disappointing other people in the process. I remember very specifically when everything shifted, it was as if life was forcing me to go down a different path, my own path. It was really hard and took a huge toll on my mental health but I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. The day I came back from rowing camp at UC Berkeley, I went to morning practice ready to get better and set a new PR for myself. I was erging (rowing land machine) our usual workout but I increased my intensity because I had gotten stronger from my time at Berkeley. By the time I had reached the second set of the workout I blew out my back. I figured, since I had injured my back earlier that summer, I would just need physical therapy and the pain would subside. The next day I went to practice in immense pain, but not enough to where I couldn't row so I pushed myself, as I tend to do. The next morning, I could not move. The pain had gotten to a point where getting out of bed was an almost impossible feat and simply walking around my house brought great distress to me. Even still, I believed that my back would be better within the next two months as the season started and Berkeley would still be an option for me. I did not give up, I went to practice everyday, I could not participate in a lot of exercises so I did extra physical therapy workouts. I did everything I could to get back in the boat, but when August turned into December and my back still remained in its condition, I had no other choice, financially that is, than to stop rowing. The whole time my back was injured, however, I had more time to be myself and not get caught up in other things like sports. I never really loved sports I just happened to be good at them so it was something that I naturally gravitated towards. Often I feel this is what people do, they settle for what they are good at and I, admittedly, was one of those people. I just let life happen and I was okay with it because I did not know any other way. Although a very traumatic experience, my back being injured was probably the best thing to happen to me. It was because my back was injured that I needed to do something with my spare time. I'm so used to having hectic non stop schedules that when I had this spare time, I NEEDED something to do. This is where my major life shift happened and I made my main focus something I had always loved but never imagined to make a priority in my life; I started writing music.

#diary entry

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zhalar · 9 months

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i was trying to reply to the post of yours i just liked and almost blazed it instead why are the buttons so close to each other.............. aNYWAY i only saw it now, and it feels A Bit weird two weeks later to be like Oh Hey. but. i've never been able to shut up in my life so! Oh Hey. i had to move to your ask box bcs the reply thing's word limit was like shut the fuck up!!! but. so. i don't even have anything useful to say except i'm 24 and started studying for my degree when i was like 19 and i still Don't Fucking Have It and in between i've moved like four times and am almost broke and saurrrr unemployed and Local Employers Hate Area Woman-Ish bcs of my very unsexy mental illness and lack of work experience. and i also fucking hate dishes and cleaning and groceries and everything IS stupid! we could all be eating berries and raising chickens and doing weird art in the woods! and maybe we should! all that to say that your vent was Extremely Relatable. modern society is a harsh maze. and shit's scary!! but i see you. and i'm rooting for you, for what it's worth 🐻🌻🍀🍄💕 and i hope the rest of your summer is good and joyful and everything goes smoothly with school and everything!! <3 good vibes and cheers ✨

YOURE SO SWEET TO REACH OUT TO MY SANGSTY (sad/angsty) VENT-POST OOOHHH places a fresh and washed stone fruit or suchlike of your choice onto your palm as a form of thanks....... im sorry to have left you hanging with my answering this btw, it was my last work day for the summer today and i didnt dare to open the message last night in case i got so distracted that the lateness woulda got me lol. love to plan my every move within the bounds of a work-life schedule. btw fully dying-laughing about the possibility of you somehow accidentally blazing that post CAN YOU IMAGINE DSHFKJGH

im real sorry that the general sentiment of that post resonated, sucks how we're ALL constantly in the trenches, here :-( (and also a bit sheepishly sorry if my vent caused any alarm or whatnot... sometimes it alll just gets to be oh so much and one must air their grievances out to the world unprompted like that. grhyeah..) truly would Shrimply Love To Own Chickens and Thatse It. my viiru&pesonen -fantasy lifted its head once again this summer, i meannnn now thaaaaats what i'd call living!! ffs!!!!

i would never ask you to shut up the reply-feature does Not reflect my views and opinions in case you were wondering. for real this msg brightened this day considerably, youre both a complete sweetheart and so fucking funny for the formatting and tone of this ask, good lord. hopefully you'll have some easier times going forward, typically i wouldnt wish a job onto my worst enemy but i also recognize how that is something thats uhhh, quite valuable actually, indeed, so in that sense im beaming some fking sense into your local employers' brains. [HIRE THEM!!!!!!!! for some NICE TASK!!!!!] I HOPE YOUR SUMMER THUSFAR HAS BEEN COOL AND FUN!!! and that the rest of it/the upcoming august treat you well also <3

#we r holding hands in a lush forest and skipping in a circle we are escaping the horrors of modern living tralalalaa #reply #dykenadjas #needed the good vibes. gonna hold them in my heart tomorrow as the School Times Begin #cant fucking BELIEVE that im going to SCHOOL. AMIKSEEN SIIS. idk ANYTHING about amis-culture theyre going to eat me alive there i think

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magicandarchery · 2 months

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TELL ME ABOUT 'WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO' I NEED DETAILS ANYTHING YOU HAVE IMMEDIATELY I HAVE NOT HEARD ABOUT HER I DON'T THINK

HOPE YOU ARE WELL FRIEND! xx

The week is ending better than it started, so for that reason I will say that I'm well. I know you mentioned you were overwhelmed. Always feel free to message me if I can help you with anything. *hugs*

Okay. SINGLE DAD ALEX MY BELOVED.

It has been a hot minute since I've mentioned When You Didn't Have To and I blame my ADHD for coming up with two more WIPs after I told myself that I would only have hockey fic and this fic as WIPs and work between the two (i really should know better by now).

Anyway, it's exes to lovers. Alex and Henry went to college together and one summer Henry went back to England and never came back. Never reached out to Alex to tell him why. So Alex moves on. He goes to law school. During his second year spring break there's a thing with a friend of a friend. And then there's Elena.

Record scratch to the present where Alex is a successful lawyer, who does all the girl dad things, and Henry is back in the States to work on setting up the Okonjo LGBTQ shelters. A very fortuitous coffee run one morning has Alex and Henry reuniting, and what happens after is a story about falling in love again, not just with your ex but also with their kid. If only Alex wasn't holding back for the sake of hearts not getting broken.

I do know I've shared a few snips before, but here's one under the cut (I've probably shared it, but it's been a hot minute):

The September air is cool and humid when he steps back outside and starts a familiar route between his apartment building and the offices where The Okonjo Foundation has taken up a temporary home while the renovations on the property for its newest shelter are completed. Henry stops at a small coffee shop, orders a latte and a scone, and starts to scroll through emails on his phone while he waits, mentally planning out his day. “Alex!” Calls one barista. “Henry!” Calls another. Henry’s focus is on sliding his phone back into the pocket of his jacket as he’s reaching for his beverage, but when he does finally look up he’s met with dark curls, beautiful brown skin, and a pair of brown eyes that are just as familiar to him now as they were the last time he looked into them before boarding a flight back to London. “I seem to recall a saying you Americans like to throw around.” the corners of Henry’s mouth tip up into a grin. “Something about gin joints, am I right?” Alex’s smile takes over his entire face as he breathes out a laugh and shakes his head. He lowers his head for a moment, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, and oh they are still just as devastating as Henry remembers them. “It’s good to see you.” Alex says finally as they move away from the counter to give the other patrons room to grab their orders and go.

Thanks for the ask, my friend!

#ama: wip edition #ask me anything #asked and answered #anincompletelist

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ventingbecauseineedit · 9 months

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It's been ages since I've vented on here.

Why? Because life has been pretty fantastic actually. I've gone through some serious improvements in dealing woth my ptsd from being abused, I'm in a healthy relationship, I live in a beautiful house with said partner, I'm learning more about myself, my relationship woth my mother has a tenuous stability, I have my absolute DREAM job.

But you know what still gets me? Reverse SAD.

I fucking HATE summer. Summer is the absolute WORST time of year.

Let's break down the why!

I'm pale af and so the sun is my enemy. I sunburn driving in my fucking car. If I need to just run errands for like an hour, I have to practically drown myself in sunscreen or I become a fucking lobster in pain that then has to deal with peeling skin from the burn. Not to mention cancer runs in my family and at least 2 family members have had skin cancer. That's a real fucking possibility for me that I am ALWAYS aware of.

It's hot out. My ideal temperature is in the 60s. It's repeatedly in the upper 90s to 100s where I live in the summer. That just makes me hot, sweaty, and ANGRY because I'm so miserable in the heat.

I can't fucking sleep because I dont start feeling tired until at least an hour after sunset and the early sunrise fucks me over too. At the height of this miserable season its only dark from 10pm until 3:30am. FUCK THAT.

(don't even @ me with fucking black out curtains. I would only have them up for ONE season because the issue is that I don't even start to get tired until at least an hour after sun sets. That means I would need that expensive ass material in my living room that is like half windows and my bedroom and my office. I can't afford that to only need them for one damn season. Thats bullshit. Plus, in the morning I won't be able to wake up because it's so dark. I just want better fucking balance of sunlight damn it)

Fire season!!! Everything is nothing but smoke! Even if it wasn't too hot out and I actually prepare with enough sunscreen, you can't fucking breathe because the air is so shitty from the smoke!!!

I am a teacher. Everyone always gives me the bullshit comment of "oh my god! It must be so great to have summers off!" First of all, teachers still work in the summer. We spend time continuing to work on our curriculum because there's no time to do that in the school year. So fuck off woth having that time "off". Second, I get seasonal depression in the summer in part because of the lack of routine. There is no structure to the summer. For like a week thats pretty awesome because i get to attempt to get some sleep, but as its already been discyssed, the sun ruins that plan.

More with the lack of routine: Every. Single. Summer. People are gone. Don't get me wrong, I love that people get to have adventures! But my social life becomes the equivalent of a ghost town every summer because there's no routine. There's no socializing with people who are off on their family vacations. Plus! Oh PLUS! If I'm not the one organizing the time, place, people, and doing all the communicating, nothing happens! It's not like people ever invite me! So that's a real good mental health motivator to realize that when I don't have the energy to make it happen because I'm suffering from seasonal depression, no one is going to reach out! Yeah. That's just fucking greeeaaaat for my self worth in the midst of depression.

So yeah.

Fuck summer.

#fuck the sun #reverse SAD #summertime sadness #venting #venting because i need it #personal #its too hot out #sunburn #cant sleep #time cant move fast enough #is it fall yet?#rant post #rant #ranting

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where-dreamers-go · 3 years

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Heyo! May I have Eragon's reaction to reader saying "I've loved you from the very start! I love you, but you don't love me! So why am I even confessing?" because I love drama and I do need a lot of fluff rn.

“The Many Questions And A Confession” Eragon x Modern!Reader

(A/N: How about a continuation to the one Modern!Reader slipping and telling Eragon how they know about him telling Arya about his true name?? I shall give the drama this day. It shall be a journey towards the fluff. Looks like this turned into an insert reader type deal. Needs a title now? Oops?

Drama time! Because Reader is really frustrated with Eragon in this one. Woo! How’s Eragon handle it? Spoiler: He doesn’t stop talking.

Continuation of this one: https://where-dreamers-go.tumblr.com/post/647030131496534016/if-modernreader-has-read-the-books-and-knows

Warnings: Angst! Fluff. Mild language.

Word Count: 1,703 words)

Hiding in your room’s bathroom, you remained silent. It was not so much that Eragon could not find you, it was that you did not want to be seen at least. So what if you had locked doors and were sitting in a dry tub? The worst that could happen would be if he decided to invade your mind.

“(Y/N)?” Eragon’s voice echoed throughout the chamber as the door to your room opened.

Of course he opened it. At least I didn’t barricade it, you thought. Can’t have thirty seconds to myself.

“Are you going to talk to me?” He asked quietly from the other side of the bathroom door. Apparently locating you was not an issue.

You narrowed your eyes at the door as you sunk further into the empty tub.

A barely audible sigh reached your ears.

“I’m not angry with you for knowing,” he said. “I just don’t understand why you’re running off.”

You glanced up to the ceiling. Did you forget your last guess?

“Then…you do have feelings for me?” Eragon asked. “Or you think I’m foolish for having feelings for Arya.” His voice softened, more speaking to himself than asking you another question.

You sighed and muttered, “Not so much that your feelings were foolish….just some of your actions.”

“You still haven’t answered my questions.”

“Because…wait for it….I don’t have to.”

“(Y/N),” Eragon’s tone lowered. “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks and it could not be for you knowing what I’ve done. If that were true…then you would have avoided me much sooner.”

“Brave of you to assume that I wasn’t avoiding you then.”

“We spoke more often then.”

“You asked me at least twenty questions a day. It’s hard to avoid that kind of persistence.” Kind of like now.

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I had just met you! I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I would never do that.”

“So please stop avoiding me. I promise to be less foolish if that will help.”

“It won’t.”

“Why not?”

“Stop asking so many darn questions.”

“No. Just tell me.”

“No.”

“Why—?”

“I’ve loved you from the very start! I love you, but you don’t love me! So why am I even confessing?” You threw your hands out in a wide gesture. “Why do I bother? What does it even matter? …why am I even still talking?” You huffed. “Are we finished now?”

Silence.

You heard nothing else. Nothing in the bathroom you were hiding in nor anything out in the bedroom.

He has to be still out there. You thought. But I swear to all that is good, if he so much as tries to enter my mind, I will loose it. I’ll probably scream, cry, or…whatever. You crossed your arms and tried to ignore the uncomfortable position you were in. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The lock on the door clicked and the door opened. Walking in with an unreadable expression, Eragon made his way to you.

“No.” You said shortly, but he made no move of stopping. “What are you—?”

Eragon stepped into the dry tub.

“What are you doing?” You sat up straight as he sat down in front of you.

Settling in, Eragon folded his hands in his lap.

You shook your head at him.

What in the world? If someone thought he couldn’t get stranger…he did.

“What the blazes are you doing?” You asked, too bewildered to kick him as the opportunity was brought up in your mind.

“I’m sitting.”

You rolled your eyes so far that you were staring at the ceiling. If there was one place you did not want to look, it was straight ahead.

Wanting to hit someone upside the head and still wanting to kiss their face can not be good right now, you thought.

“Why are you even in here?” You asked through clenched teeth.

“You have been avoiding me and I haven’t seen you,” Eragon said simply before his voice softened. “I’ve missed you.”

Keeping your gaze up or up to the side, you avoided eye contact.

“Can we skip to the part where you say ‘I’m sorry, but you’re right, I don’t feel the same way about you’?” You asked. “Not going to lie…right now…you’re kind of making this worse.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice was a murmur that tore through your heart.

“Alright.” Finally tearing your sights away from the ceiling, you hoisted yourself up and out of the tub.

“Where—I wasn’t finished.”

“Save your pity. I want to be alone.” You walked out of the bathroom and headed straight for your bed. There was an extremely low probability that he would follow you there too. Some lines weren’t crossed.

“I know you want to be alone.” Eragon was trailing after you.

I’m going to die from being not surprised, you thought of a quote.

“Please let me speak.”

“You’ve been speaking this whole time.” You yanked off your shoes. “What possibly could you have to say now?”

“I never said that I still loved Arya.”

You paused for a moment before saying, “Well…you don’t really need to. I’d be really surprised if you didn’t.” Tossing a pillow towards the middle of the bed, you kept your back to him.

“I don’t love her.”

Face scrunched up in confusion, you took a glance over your shoulder.

“Bull crap.”

His eyebrows pulled together. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m calling you out for lying.” You explained and crossed your arms under your chest.

“I’m not lying.” A smile slowly spread across the Rider’s face.

You rose your eyebrows, challenging him.

“Sure. And what changed your strong feelings for Arya? Cold soup?”

“You.”

“What?” The word hardly reached your own ears.

Eragon walked up to you, albeit cautiously, with a full smile on his lips. His brown eyes were lit with a happiness you were not comprehending.

“What are you talking about?” You whispered. “Why are you smiling like that?”

A chuckle rang out into the room as he stopped to stand in front of you. “How am I suppose to keep a stoic face after you confessed that you love me?” His smile only stayed on his lips when he did not receive any verbal response from you, locked into his happy moment. “I know you would never lie about your feelings. Not something as strong as love.”

You watched on, cautious.

What is he trying to say, that he likes the idea of me loving him? Uh. Is this normal? You thought.

“Perhaps I should have stated my feelings for you much earlier. Clearly you have been worn down with your heart and for that I apologize.”

“Feelings?”

“Yes,” he wet his lips briefly and straightened his posture. “I do care for you deeply, (Y/N). My feelings were already growing before I even recognized them.” His smile turned sheepish, but he persisted onwards. “I didn’t think I could have those feelings for anyone else, but….it’s different somehow. I’m not sure how to explain it. I feel better when I’m around you. We’re honest with each other and you’ve taught me so much already. I’ll make this as much like home as I can for you. I really want you in my life.”

It took a moment before you breathed in a small breath.

You knew that you were probably looking at him as if he had lost his ever-loving mind. Who could blame you at that point? You were in a completely different world. And one you knew of, mind you. It was bound time for a round of unpredictability.

Eyes the color of enriched soil underneath the blooming flowers in light of a summer sky watched you with surging hope.

Were you hallucinating? Lucid dreaming? No, you couldn’t be. There were far too many moments that would have had a timeskip or objects from back home. The only way you would have this much time with Eragon would be if it was real.

He’s serious? He’s serious.

Your chest tightened and somewhere inside all of your tension released. In its place there was a warmth that brought tears to your eyes.

Frustration rapidly melting away, you carefully turned to sit on the edge of the bed to compose yourself.

“Are you alright?” Eragon asked, kneeling down to look upon your face.

“I’m…,” you swallowed. “I’m still processing what you said.”

“Processing?”

“Just…uh… Can you give me a second?” You waved a gentle hand in his direction.

“Take as much time as you need,” Eragon said as he delicately took your hand in his own.

You internally groaned at how sweet he was even after you verbally rampaged him about leaving you alone.

Seeing as you did not retract your hand, the Rider held your hand against his chest. The position allowed you the rare opportunity to feel his heartbeat. A rapid beating of his heart as he awaited any sort of verbal response from you. Anything that would tell him if he should indeed pursue the strong feelings he had.

You snuck a peek at his face; clear of any imperfections of the sun and brown eyes lit up in hope.

“You’ve been interested in me this whole time?” You asked. “And I didn’t know it?”

After reviewing your choice in words, Eragon nodded.

“What the actually hell?” You laughed. “You develop feelings quick, sir.”

A lopsided smile appeared on his face. Your light teasing of his actions always did surprise him in the most satisfying ways.

“You’re not upset with me?” He asked. “About earlier.”

“A little.”

His smile dropped a fraction.

“But I’ll find it in myself to forgive you.” You smirked.

“Then I should be grateful.” Eragon held his head high. “I would rather face your affections than your wrath.”

“Alright,” you rolled your eyes. “That was smooth, but cutting it close.” You tugged on his hands. “Get over here.”

Before Eragon could stand, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders in a tight embrace.

“You’re a bit of an odd one, you know that?”

Eragon nudged his head against your own. “I will gladly be odd if it means I can be with you.”

~~~

(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful.

Best wishes and happy reading.)

~~~~~

DreamerDragon Tags: @cubedtriangle

Inheritance Cycle Tags: @shewhobreathesfire @emburbaguette

**Let me know if you would like to be tagged in insert readers, either through replies, ask, or message.**

#Eragon reaction #Eragon x Reader #Eragon x Modern! Reader #Modern!Reader #Erica answers #where dreamers go #inheritance cycle #I finally finished it! I did it!#Eragon being a little sassy #Eragon fluff

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ifwallscouldtalkkkk · 3 years

Text

"Look, I'm not gonna kidnap you" - Michael Clifford Oneshot (COLLEGE)

Female reader × Michael Clifford

Mentions of alcohol, slightly tipsy (consensual) interactions, swearing, SMUT.

____________________________________

You miss your bus home after a night partying with friends. Luckily, you meet a guy willing to give you a ride home, and his playful pinky promise to not kidnap you somehow convinces you to accept.

The smut in this story is fairly short. This was my first ever attempt at writing fanfic back in 2018, and I was a bit scared of sounding stupid

____________________________________

Your shoes clacked as you ran on the cobblestones. You were so close to the bus station that you could see the bus driver flicking a cigarette butt onto the ground and leaving the embers glowing on the dark cobblestones, before taking his seat behind the wheel. You picked up your pace even more and frantically waved a hand in the air, hoping that you could cut ahead as the bus made its turn around the station back and onto the road. You cursed under your breath, mentally labeling yourself an idiot for staying at the party a couple of extra minutes to say your goodbyes to a friend who was too preoccupied with shouting random answers to the ongoing pictionary game to even hear you.

You skipped every other step on the small set of stairs to reach the platform, and when you reached the corner where the bus would turn, you started jumping up and down and waving in a feeble attempt to get the driver to stop and pick you up even though you weren't technically in the pick up zone. You could see him seeing you, it was a clear summer night and thus barely even dark! But the near empty bus didn't stop. The driver probably saw you as an entitled child who was too drunk to be on time, and maybe he was at least 25% right.

”Fucking bastard” you squeezed out through clenched teeth as you stomped around in a little circle with your head thrown back in frustration. Calling your parents to drive an hour in the middle of the night to come pick you up and let you off at your dorm was not ideal. You knew that they would do it for you, not wanting you to walk the 6 miles home. No, this was definitely not your plan, but maybe it was a bit irresponsible to plan to take the very last bus for the night. You stomped one last time and breathed out deeply.

”What the fuck are you doing, girl?”, someone called out in a humored undertone.

You swiveled around and your eyes landed on a car parked a short distance away, at the designated pick up- drop off parking area. The boy whom the voice belonged to leaned out the open window of the driver’s seat, with his arms folded and propped up on the edge of the window. His smug smirk felt hurtful in your frustrated state, but it brought you back to reality somewhat. You could admit that you probably looked like a child who didn't get a pony for christmas – and to be honest, you felt the same amount of betrayal.

”What a fucking jerk!”, the guy in the car yelled when you didn't answer. ”Where ya heading to?”

You donned a tortured expression, brushed out your skirt, picked your bag off the ground, and started walking home.

You heard the lone car start and you put a bit more speed in your step. It soon pulled up mere inches from you anyways.

”Come on, you're not seriously walking home? You obviously live a ways away since you were supposed to take the bus”, he said with the same amused tone in his voice.

”I'll be ok, and you're probably wanting to get home yourself”, you said, trying to politely reinforce the idea of him leaving you alone

”Look, I’m not gonna kidnap you, I pinky promise”, he chuckled at his own words but continued when you kept your eyes locked straight ahead. ”Girl, I’m guessing that you live on campus, and that's like a billion miles away. I’ll drop you off all gentlemanly at your doorstep and tip my imaginary top hat at you as I drive away, never to be seen again.” You stopped walking and he had to jerk his car to a stop along with you.

”The fact that you know that I live on campus is not very reassuring”, you replied.

He rolled his eyes and let out a little laugh. ”That bus-” he pointed down the road that your planned ride home had disappeared along a few minutes earlier ”-goes straight to campus. I just dropped my pal off here to avoid driving him all the way to the uni, but looks like I’ll have to go there now anyways.” You looked him in the eyes. The way he spoke elicited a strange amount of trust, and although a couple of piercings and a questionable hair color for an adult could be spotted under his beanie, he didn't seem like bad news. ”Look, the door doesn't even lock properly, I wouldn't even be able to kidnap you!” he demonstrated the faulty lock on the passenger door. You had to smile at the enthusiastic way he presented it.

”You promise you won't leave serial killer notes in my mailbox?” He lit up even more at your reply.

”Promise”, he said. You swung your bag up on your shoulder and reached for the door. This was in no way the wisest thing to do in the situation, but you were already overwon by his goofy charm.

You climbed in and kept your gaze forward, feeling the boy's eyes on you, and you caught yourself subconsciously holding your breath. You caved and looked at him when it became clear he wasn't going to drive forward before you gave in.

”Seatbelt.” he said with a parental tone. ”Can't have such a pretty girl making unsafe choices!” It wasn't as funny of a comment as his facial expression suggested, but he really knew how to lighten the mood. ”Michael.” He stretched his hand out to shake yours formally. You replied with your name and a firm handshake. ”Oh girl, with that grip, no one could even dream of succeeding in kidnapping you" he said, laughing at your overly stern behavior.

”I just hate limp handshakes", you smiled, rummaging around in your bag after a snack. ”Damn it I left my granola bar at home”, you muttered under your breath.

”Oh uh, I've got a bag of peanuts somewhere…” Michael trailed off, reaching over to the glove department to rummage through his own stuff. His warm hand grazed your bare knee while reaching and you tensed up at his accidental touch.

”Dude, eyes on the road!” you exclaimed and he chuckled in response.

”I thought risk taking was a theme tonight – oh wait, here they are!” He plopped a bag of salted peanuts in your lap.

”Wait, you're not allergic, are you?” he asked. ”Some risks are not worth taking.”

”No, I love peanuts, no worries”, you poured a handful out and put a few in your mouth. After a night consisting mostly of liquor and dancing around, something to eat felt heavenly.

Michael asked you a couple of standard questions about your studies, and you gave all the standard answers.

”I kinda miss studying. Never thought I'd say that." Michael smiled. His hand dipped down into the bag in your lap to get some peanuts, getting dangerously close to between your thighs. You stumbled for a few seconds.

”Um oh, ok really?” His behavior was so unlike anyone else you knew. He was so daring and sure of himself, but he felt so warm and fuzzy in contrast. Maybe the previously ingested alcohol skewed your judgement, but you couldn't help but find this stranger utterly charming.

”Yeah… I'm on the road a lot nowadays for work", came his reply.

”Oh, what do you do? Uber driver for college girls who can't keep track of time?” You saw one corner of his mouth pulling smugly upwards at your joke.

”Uh no, I'm in the music producing business.”

”Huh, that's fun. I wasn-" you didn't finish your sentence as a deer jumped out onto the otherwise vacant road from between a few bushes on the side of the long stretch of asphalt nearing the campus grounds.

”Oh shit", you heard Michael exclaim while swerving a bit and stepping hard on the brakes. The deer stared confused at the headlights before scurrying off towards the other side of the road. ”You ok?!” the boy asked between quick breaths. Your breath was labored too, but your eyes and mind were mostly focused on the male hand that had instinctively been placed protectively on your thigh while braking. Michael unfastened his seatbelt and leaned closer when he didn't get an answer.

”Uh, yeah…” your eyes now focused on his light, green, worried eyes.

You just stared. You didn't mean to, but you didn't make an effort to look away either. He had gotten so close. His left hand was on your upper arm in a protective manner, and his face was just inches away from yours. You didn't mean to stare, and you most definitely didn't mean for your eyes to briefly flicker down to look at his lips. He noticed. He must have noticed given the way you were both so focused on each other.

”Wa-", you began, but didn't finish the sentence. To be honest, you couldn't even remember what you were about to say. Your eyes flickered down again, when your vocal cords failed you.

‘Shit!’ Your mind blasted out inside your own head, but Michael didn’t pull away, or look alarmed. If anything, his brow furrowed deeper, all the while he was trying to calm his own breath. After a couple more sharp exhales his grip on your arm tightened, and he pressed his lips to yours quickly, as if he was taking a running start. You kissed back automatically before you even registered what was happening. You tensed up and felt Michael’s grip loosen as if to retreat. 'No no no', you were not gonna lose this moment. No way. To signal that you were on board with what was happening you brought your hand up to his neck. ‘He can't stop now’, you were aching for him to continue touching you.

He got more involved in the kiss in response, and your other hand found its way up to the back of his neck too. The hand that had previously resided firmly on your arm now fell to your thigh and snaked its way to the back of your knees, pulling you closer still. Your voice had given up any sort of attempt of self control, and a short moan escaped your lips. The man reacted to your premature excitement and his right hand fumbled to find your seat belt button. In a surprisingly smooth motion for the situation being, he simultaneously pushed his own seat back from the steering wheel, and pulled you onto his lap as soon as the belt let go of you. Both your hands braced against Michael's chest, while his own hands pressed into your sides. Your fingers curled to grip his shirt, and his fingers mimicked yours by curling too, his nails digging into you. You could feel your pulse going crazy. Michael's heartbeat was probably also going off the rails, because he lifted you off of him a couple of inches so that he could grow more comfortably in his pants. He looked you deep in your eyes the entire time and let out a lengthy exhale.

“Girl, I don't even know what to do with you.”

He grabbed your ass to grind you into him. You let yourself angle your head back in reaction to your core finally being stimulated, and Michael straightened up his upper body to nibble at your neck. You helped him by moving your own hips along with the rhythm, but his hands still stayed firmly on your ass. When you couldn't take it anymore, you reached down to unclasp his belt, but your fingers fumbled more than you intended. You hadn't noticed how much you were shaking in excitement before now.

The stranger turned lover stared into your eyes patiently while you unbuttoned his jeans, but as soon as you managed to slide them down his thighs he pressed you hard against him, almost as hard as he pressed your lips together. Your underwear starting to become soaked from the thought of what was to come. Michael shifted his underwear down to meet his jeans. His hands couldn't decide where to rest, alternating between your hips, your chest, and your neck.

When focusing on your hips, his fingers on one hand slid up ever so slightly underneath the hem of your underwear, and his touch left you grinding harder into his thigh. You could tell that Michael knew how wet you were, your panties practically gliding around. His fingers found your hemline once more, and he slowly let his fingers follow the leg seam downwards. He let two fingers slip between you and the fabric to rest right outside your entrance for what felt like several minutes, but then inserted them forcefully when your whimpers became more desperate. He groaned too, from getting to feel you from the inside and knowing what pleasures it gave you. As if this didn't feel explosive enough already, his thumb joined his other fingers and circled your clit carefully.

You felt your cheeks turn red from the blood rushing fast through your body. Feeling sparks in your lower stomach already was not something you anticipated. Michael seemed to understand though, because he stilled you from assisting his fingers’ movement. He had stopped his movements too to make sure you would focus on his face. The look of his eyes as he kept them locked on yours was piercing and the icy-ness of it felt amazing on your hot cheeks. He held one hand deep inside of you, and the other on his own throbbing organ. He slowly replaced his two fingers with his cock, letting you get used to him gradually. You sank down, and the pain of stretching was miniscule compared to all the pleasure in the air. Once Michael was sure that you were comfortable with him, he elevated his hips just enough to push your limits. He finally let out a well kept-in moan. The subtle hip movements turned more and more intense until the point where you could tell you would end up with leg cramps in a few hours. The car wasn’t gigantic by any means, but you found ways to make do. With your hands behind your back, you could hold onto the steering wheel for support, with the added benefit of letting Michael’s hands roam over your torso freely.

Eyes watering, heart pumping, and legs trembling, you could feel your orgasm coming closer. Both your moans blended together into an audible mess as the electric pulses took over your body. After your release, your body relaxed heavy against the steering wheel.

A long, loud honk sounded out before you could get the chance to lift yourself off in horror. ‘Oh shit.’ The motion of lifting yourself off and plopping down in the passenger seat again wasn’t graceful, but it was at least fairly quick. You sat paralyzed holding onto your seat as a dog barked loudly at the sudden interruption of the usual peace and quiet. A lamp lit up in a house a few hundred yards away. It took a minute, but Michael finally chuckled - his hands rubbing his face. You cracked a smile too, but your stiffened posture would take a few minutes to get rid of. Michael clearly had a more easily relaxed personality than you.

The back of his head lay on the head rest, and he let it fall to one side to turn towards you. The same all-too-humored look that he had when you missed the bus was painted over his face. He didn't say anything, and neither did you. Words didn't really help in this predicament. He just pulled his pants up to waist level again and turned the car keys. You two drove in silence the few minutes left to reach campus grounds.

He crawled to a stop outside of the main dorms, and turned his head lazily again. You had quickly gathered your stuff in your hands as he pulled in, and you got out the second the car stopped.

“Well, uh… Thanks for the ride”, you said politely.

“You’re welcome”, he replied just as politely, and with a rare sincerity.

You raised your palm up in a subdued goodbye as you took a few steps backwards, and then turned around to walk away. Your shoes on the asphalt click-clacked loudly in the silent summer night. You reached for the door handle, the cool metal feeling sobering in your grip.

“HEY!” a word sliced through the silence.

You spun around on your toes quickly.

“Hey girl!” Michael continued when he knew he had your attention. He was leaning out the rolled down window again.

“I know where you live!” The grin on his face almost bursting by the seams.

A huge smile immediately spread across your face too.

ifwallscouldtalkkkk MASTERLIST

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preciouspeterbparker · 3 years

Text

i wish i were

inspired by conan gray’s “heather”

warnings: stepsibling incest (not yet but that’s the whole premise), underage masturbation, underage sex, angst. peter’s like 16 and a half, Tony’s almost 18

word count: 2.2k

summary: peter’s in love with his big brother. no biggie. (spoiler alert: it’s a big deal)

(A/N: okay this has been living in my head rent free for over a month. i've written more, but it's not fully fleshed out yet.

i figured i would post this and see if anyone is interested in reading it before i put a bunch more effort in lmao. this is filth. most of the angst comes later lololol (and more filth).

i hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think / if you'd like to read more!

- bloo)

PART ONE

Peter stands at his locker, desperately trying to blend in and remain unseen as he switches out his English textbook for Physics. The school year is basically over, given that it’s the last week of May but he’s still not comfortable in the junior-senior hallway. He’s always been the youngest (and therefore smallest) kid in most of his classes, given that he’s been in the ‘gifted & talented’ track since middle school. (He’s on track to graduate next year, taking his last few mandatory classes and completing an internship for additional credit.) This year, Peter feels even smaller than usual; maybe because most of the seniors are already eighteen, while as a sophomore, he isn’t even seventeen. He doesn’t have many friends this year, because of it. Ned moved away last summer because his dad got a new job, and, well, he’d never really needed more than Ned before.

“Hey Pete-squeak,” comes a voice from behind, making him jump. Rolling his eyes, Peter pivots slightly to face the newcomer. The infestation of butterflies that he's been harboring for the past few months begins to flutter immediately, tickling the walls of his stomach as his cheeks flush lightly.

The voice belongs to a tall (or, well, taller than Peter, anyway), ridiculously handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes, walking towards Peter with his hands in his pockets. The cheeky smirk on his face is all but permanent, but the small, genuine smile it slips into is something that Peter holds close to his chest, something that is typically reserved for him.

Tony, his older brother, is pretty much Peter's favorite person in the world. Technically, he’s Peter’s step brother. Maria, his mom, and Peter’s dad Richard got married when Peter was a year old and Tony was almost three. They’d essentially spent their whole lives together; neither of them could really remember anything before. They’ve always been close, but that’s changed a little bit this year.

“Hey Tony,” Peter chirps, reaching back into his locker to grab his physics binder. He tries to act natural, even though he feels anything but. His heart’s going a mile a minute inside his rib cage. He feels a little ridiculous, he has for the past few months. Swallowing, he manages to sound relatively calm. “You read the last 2 chapters of Beowulf, right? Mrs. Herrera gave us a pop quiz last period.”

The older teen groans. Closing his eyes, he throws his head back, a metallic thunk sounding as it collides with the locker he’s leaning back on. “Fucking hell. The final paper is due in like four fucking days! Is that not enough?” It’s quiet for a moment as Tony pauses before he opens one eye, cutting it to look at Peter. “What were the answers?”

Peter snorts in response, shutting his locker. “Not happening, T.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and lets the left side of his body rest against the cool metal. Three minutes til the bell rings, and Mr. Riley’s class is right across the hall. So he’s essentially got three minutes to indulge himself and the fuzzy warmth that’s running through his veins. He loves any time he gets to spend with Tony. “You’re lucky I told you at all, be grateful.”

Tony wrinkles his nose at him. “Rude,” he scoffs in mock offense. “I know you can remember them,” comes his teasing accusation. (And he’s right. Peter can recall the entirety of the quiz, but he’s still not going to enable Tony.) Then he pauses and raises an eyebrow at his younger brother. “Is that my sweatshirt?” The garment in question is a worn and slightly faded black Led Zeppelin USA 1977 crewneck sweatshirt. Peter’s wearing it over a charcoal and white check button-up. The sweatshirt is one of Tony’s favorite pieces of clothing, he wears it all the time (hence why Peter...borrowed it...without asking).

Having mentally prepared himself to be questioned at some point, Peter’s reply is already on the tip of his tongue. “Yeah, it ended up in my laundry and once I put it on it was too cozy to take off. And it looks good with these jeans and the button-up. And my boots. Trying out a new look,” he finishes, smiling as he pushes his glasses further up his nose. Tony often teased him about the thick, clear-but-slightly-pink frames, but Peter hadn’t wanted glasses at all (he doesn’t need any more reasons to be teased, thank you), but he likes these. They make him look cute, more feminine. More like someone Tony could want.

“You’re right,” Tony smiles. One of his hands comes up to playfully ruffle at Peter’s russet hair. “Looks great on you, kid.” There’s warm affection in his voice.

Peter feels his cheeks go hot again, and he wills the flush to go away. He can’t take compliments from Tony, now- they make him ache and preen simultaneously. He knows that Tony doesn’t mean it the way he wants. Peter knows that Tony would never speak to him again if he knew what was really going on inside his little brother’s head. The thought makes him sick to his stomach.

Speaking of stomachs. “Hey,” he starts as he fingers through the papers in his physics binder, attempting to find the problem set that’s due today. “Did you ever catch up on Hell’s Kitchen? I’ve been rewatching episodes trying to wait for you, but you’re taking too long. You saw the episode where Gordon-” Peter’s heart falls to his stomach and he abruptly stops speaking when he looks up to notice that Tony isn’t looking at him anymore, barely seems to be listening.

It falls completely out of his ass when he sees just what, just who, has stolen his attention.

“Sorry, Pete, gotta go,” Tony mutters once he realizes that Peter’s stopped talking, shooting him a hasty smile and shoving off the navy metal. He skirts past Peter, a slight skip in his step as he makes his way down the hallway.

Peter's swallows and clenches his jaw as he watches his brother walk straight to her, the bane of his existence. The reason he and Tony don’t spend as much time together anymore. The object of Tony’s affections. Pepper. She's...everything Peter wishes he could be, honestly. Tall, somehow a perfect mix of skinny & curvy, bright blue eyes, long strawberry-blonde hair. She's perfect. And not only in looks; she's also ridiculously smart. If Tony wasn’t valedictorian, she surely would be. She even volunteers at the local soup kitchen every weekend, and Peter’s pretty sure she reads to dogs at the animal shelter once a month. He hates that Pepper is so nice; he hates that he can't hate her without hating himself for it.

As if he didn't have enough self-loathing already.

***

Peter exits the bathroom that connects his bedroom with Tony’s after gently flicking the lock on his brother’s door to disengage it, the soft ‘snick’ ridiculously loud in the quiet of the house. He’s the only one home; Mom and Dad are at some sort of event for Dad’s law firm, and Tony went to a party at Rhodey’s house. (Tony had insisted that Peter was invited, but he had to know that the younger would never go- why would he want to be surrounded by drunk, horny, belligerent teenagers? The last thing he wanted to see was Tony and- )

There’s a dark gray towel loosely wrapped around his waist, so loose he has to clutch it in his hand to keep it from falling. He closes his own bathroom door behind him and drops the towel, digging through his underwear drawer to pull out a random pair of plaid boxers.

After sliding them on, the brunette takes a deep breath and lays back against the pillows, arms behind his head. He tries to consciously relax his muscles, the tension of the day not having melted away during his shower like he had hoped. Time for Plan B. It’s never let him down before. Peter reaches for his phone and unlocks it before swiping through his apps to open Spotify. The sound of “Dazed and Confused” fills the air through his speakers, and he sets it to repeat on a loop. It’s a little fucked up, the way he’s conditioned himself to respond to this song, but- Peter knows the whole thing is fucked up; he’s fucked up.

Closing his eyes, he does the only thing he’s been capable of for months: he thinks of his older brother.

He’s growing fond of the new facial hair Tony’s trying out; he wonders how it would feel against his skin. Which areas would be the most sensitive to its touch? His thighs? His neck? Peter’s head tilts back and to the side as he imagines wet, warm lips and the scratch of stubble. Just the thought, the phantom sensation, makes a soft mewl leave his mouth. It’s a little ridiculous how easy he can get himself going, when he thinks of Tony’s touch, of his body. Of his love. In his boxers, his cock shifts against his thigh as it begins to fill out.

The sensual, plucky bassline and wailing guitars of the song drag along, and so does Peter’s breathing as he brings a hand up to pinch at one of his nipples. He imagines the way Tony would tease him until he was whining, begging for release. He supposes it wouldn’t be dissimilar to his older brother’s typical manner of playfully taunting him. Maybe Tony would pin him down like he did when they were younger, climb on top of him and hold him there with the muscles he’s gained from boxing in the garage. The opportunities he’s had to see the older teen breathing heavy, shirtless and glistening with sweat, would be forever ingrained in his mind. The mental image sends more blood rushing south and his dick throbs as it quickly reaches full hardness, drawing a gasp from his mouth.

Peter takes himself in hand, studying the details of his cock. He knows he’s not huge, but he’s at least on the larger side of average. It’s flushed a deep, mauve-y pink, and he traces the line of a vein on the side with the tip of his pinkie. A shiver shoots down his spine. He wonders how similar it is to Tony’s. Is he circumcised like Peter is? Is he bigger? Longer, thicker even? Sure, he’s seen him naked before, when they were younger changing or in the bath, but that stopped around the time Tony was seven or eight.

(Tony and Peter had come home from school one day, and Peter’s head had been reeling over what he heard some older girls saying on the bus. He’d decided to ask Tony about it. His big brother knew everything. ...Mom & Dad caught them kissing in their bedroom. That was the end of bathing together, and Tony got his own room, too. Peter never forgot about the way his big brother’s lips felt against his own.)

A bead of precum oozes out of his tip and Peter rubs his thumb over it, smearing the liquid over his cockhead. Robert Plant’s voice moans over the speaker and Peter echoes the sound as he slowly strokes himself with a loose grip, his hole tightening around nothing. Biting his lip, he hesitates before slipping his left pointer finger into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it sloppily. Once it’s wet, he reaches down and gently presses the pad of his finger against the tightly furled muscle between his cheeks. His breath hitches as the sensation; he’s only touched himself down here a couple of times before.

The tip of his finger begins to breach his opening and a whine leaves Peter’s mouth. It stings a bit so he tries to relax, muscles fluttering, making a mental note to grab some lube next time he goes to the drugstore. He wants to be able to stretch himself out more, to imagine Tony’s fingers, Tony’s cock, splitting him open and stuffing him full. Fuck-

Tightening his grip on the base of his cock, Peter grits his teeth and grunts softly as he pulls his finger from his ass. He can’t cum yet- he’s not done. He reaches under his pillow, pulling out the balled-up t-shirt that’s taken up residence there. The black fabric has faded in some spots, and the Black Sabbath logo is cracked and worn; it’s one of Tony’s favorite shirts. Peter brings the soft cloth up to his nose, fumbling with it to find the area with the strongest smell. There are hints of Tony’s Old Spice deodorant mixed with a scent that’s distinctly Tony, a warm, masculine musk that has saliva pooling in Peter’s mouth. Delirious, fucking his hand to the beat, he wishes he had dug a little further in the hamper, pulled out a pair of Tony’s briefs.

That’s the thought that does him in. Peter cums into his fist, gasping his brother’s name, the sound getting muddled in the maelstrom of guitar and drums. Thick ropes of jizz splatter on his stomach and chest, entire abdomen heaving with his breaths.

He wipes the mess up with Tony’s t-shirt before tucking the fabric back under his pillow for safe keeping.

to be continued???

#starker #starkercest #peter parker x tony stark #peter x tony #bloo writes bad things (tm)

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thequibblah · 2 years

Note

Also any tips on titling a fic?

i'll say that most of the advice on titling i've been giving has been one on one since i need to have context before i can be really helpful haha. and also most of my titles (this is so obnoxious but i swear it's true) kind of just. pop into my head without much thought

the best titles ask a question — not explicitly, but they prompt the reader to be interested in what the "answer" is, which you'll especially notice in real books or movies. but you can totally apply it to fic too, like, what we do in secret — what do they do in secret?

SO let me say as a blanket, using my own fic as examples

can't go wrong with a song lyric, but don't feel obligated to pick a lyric from a song that's IN the fic unless it's apt [come together, blink three times, wtrf, i come back to the start, even just to reach]

rework a phrase you particularly like [ct chapter this time will be different]

don't be afraid to play around with phrasing until something sticks

irony is your friend — e.g. with in pursuit because i wanted this faux-regency vibe run-on title, and i wound up especially happy because it's like. nothing in that fic was in pursuit of magic for its own sake! also with if we never meet again, when the whole fic is about them meeting again and again, or if we ever part, when the whole fic is about them constantly parting

nothing wrong with being to the point [five ways] if it serves a purpose

pick a theme (that you think you can get mileage out of), as i did with wtrf chapter titles and with tis the fucking season, in which each chapter title contains a swear and a loose holiday pun

when in doubt try general poetic rules: 1. alliteration is good [to wed and to woo] 2. pairs of things sound nice [i have a wip called love and attrition, and to wed and to woo is also a nice pair, ct chapters love and propaganda, asked and unanswered, quill and ink, flying and falling] 3. rule of three, aka when you're listing something out it's pleasing for it to be x, y, and z (e.g. the ct chapters mates, dates, and big mistakes and sun, summer, sonorus, and lmaof is a list too though i won't say what each item is) 4. say it aloud to yourself a few times to test if it rolls off the tongue

i keep like a mental list of nice phrases from books, poems, etc i want to try and use, and for a couple of multichaps i even have a running chapter titles list. this is how we ended up with ct chapter noli me tangere, which is because i was reading hilary mantel and thinking of "whoso list to hunt"

#wow can i ever answer anything briefly #ask me #anon #writing tag

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karlajoyner · 3 years

Text

It’s Perfect (Reggie Peters x Reader)

A/n: So I wrote this up after having a mental breakdown listening to Unsaid Emily on repeat. No regrets. But yeah you guys should comment some requests!

Warnings: Mention of abuse

————

“Yeah well at least I'm not a dead beat drunk!" I yelled at my father who stood a few steps away from me with a bottle of liquor at hand.

As soon as the words left my mouth I should've known I wouldn't get away with it.

My eyes burned as I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek. I held it, in pain. Tears stinging my eyes.

"A bitch. Just like your mother was" He said taking another swig of his drink.

I quickly sprinted out the door with nothing but the clothes on my back. Hearing the man that once dried my tears when I fell on the playground shout out awful slures towards me.

I wasn't daddy's girl anymore.

I ran. I ran as far as my feet would carry me. Until I reached a familiar house 9 streets away.

I ran into the driveway quietly. Knowing Bobby's family would be asleep by now. I panted reaching for the garage doors pulling them open and running in shutting them immediately behind me.

"Y/n?" A familiar voice spoke from behind me. I turned around seeing two of my bandmates getting ready for bed. I took a few steps forward trying to steady my breath.

"I-" I didn't even get a word out before I broke down completely.

"I'll call Reggie" Luke spoke leaving out the doors I had just come from.

Presumably towards the house that had the landline.

"It's okay" Alex whispered pulling me close in a tight hug. I cried into his chest as we sunk down to the floor.

I cried for what felt like hours before the door opened once more. I looked up through blurry eyes seeing my boyfriend standing there in a white tee shirt and black jeans. With his lucky red flannel tied around his waist.

"Baby" He whispered coming to sit next to me.

"Thanks guys. I've got her from here"

"We'll give you guys some time"

"Feel free to pull out the extra air mattress for tonight" Luke said before him and Alex left the studio.

"Baby what's wrong?" He whispered in my ear pulling me close.

"I-it's my dad. I can't-I can't be there anymore. I won't" I choked out letting my tears fall freely.

"Shhh it's okay" He attempted to soothe me. Each hair stroke making me feel safer knowing he was right next to me.

Ready to protect me from anything and everything. I cried as he lifted me in his arms moving me over to the couch never releasing his tight embrace on me.

"It's not Reg. He called my mom a bitch and then called me a bitch and then he slapped me" I cried. The boys jaw clenching.

It was very rare that you saw Reggie angry but when he was it was blaintly obvious you did not want to mess with him.

"He did what?" He asked clearly aggravated.

"He laid his hands on you" He spoke again trying to stand up.

"No Reggie. Please don't leave me" I whisper holding onto him. His tensed body seemed to ease as he held me close.

"I'll never leave you baby. You know that" He said the room going silent as we enjoyed each other's company even in saddest of moments.

"Your never going back there again" He spoke after a while.

"Where will I sleep?" I asked.

"Here. Alex and Luke won't mind. Niether will Bobby. You'll move here"

"I- I don't know if that's a good idea"

"I already talked it through with the guys"

"It's true" A familiar voice spoke from the doorway.

Our heads whipped towards the door to see the rest of the band standing there with frowns upon their faces.

"We all talked about it and think it's best"

"My parents won't mind. Just like Alex and Luke your apart of the family and are welcome anytime" Bobby said as the three boys got closer.

"You're our bandmate"

"Our friend"

"Our little sister"

"And we'll protect you from anyone who hurts you" Alex finished making my eyes well up once more.

"I love you guys" I smiled as Reggie placed a kiss on my temple.

"We love you too baby. And once Sunset Curve plays the Orpheum. The first thing we'll do is buy a house where we'll have our own room. Our own privacy" Reggie said running his hand up and down my arm.

"Cool it man no need to get all hot and bothered right now" Luke said making me giggle.

"Plus I think there's something you need to do before that" Alex said winking at Reggie. I looked at the two confused as Reggie nodded his head.

"What? What does he need to do?" I asked watching smirks beginning form on my bandmates faces.

I watched as Alex ran towards the loft. His figure only becoming visible again when he threw a small object over the balcony down towards Bobby. Again I watched as he caught it tossing it towards Luke who walked it over the a Reggie.

"I was gonna wait until we got signed after our big show at the Orpheum. But some things happen for a reason I guess" Reggie spoke nervously.

I watched as he kneeled down beside me. My body immediately sitting up in worry.

"Y/n, god where do I start. We've been best friends since elementary school. And lovers for 2 years now. After I wasted way too many years trying to make you jealous instead of telling you how I felt. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was not asking you this sooner. Y/n Y/l/n will you marry me?" He asked making my eyes widen as he open a black velvet box with a beautiful ring inside.

I look around at the other boys who had smiles spread across their faces.

"I may not be the smartest, the funniest, or even the hottest of the group" He spoke playfully glaring at Luke.

"And I really don't know why you chose me out of all of us. But you did. Its all I can offer right now but if you stick through it with me I promise one day I'll give you the world" He said a smile forming on my face.

"It's perfect Reginald. Your perfect" I spoke. Taking in his beautiful features.

"So it that a yes?" I heard Alex ask. "Yes. Yes! Oh my god yes!" I yelled pulling him up for a hug.

I grinned as he slipped the ring on my finger hearing the boys around us cheering. But the only thing I was focused on was the boy in front of me.

A boy who had only been known to show me lust, compassion, and love.

I giggled as Reggie pulled me into a passionate kiss the cheering dialing down.

"She said yes!" He shouted as soon as we pulled away.

"Congrats man" Luke said patting Reggie on the back.

"You know man you should just move in too while we're at it" Bobby joked.

"No!" Luke and Alex shouted at the same time.

"We do not need them consummating their marriage a few feet away from us while we try to sleep"

"It's only a matter of time boys. We do need to do that though huh?" I joked looked at Reggie.

"I'm not complaining" He said a lopsided smile forming on his face. I giggled as the boys began to make sounds of disgust.

"We'll head to your place first thing tomorrow and get your stuff for tonight you can barrow some of my clothes" Alex spoke going to his suitcase as pulling out a pair of boxers for me to wear as shorts.

"Thanks Alex" I smiled watching as Luke and Bobby moved under the loft to pull out the extra blow up mattress there for anyone else who needed to stay the night. Which usually was usually me or even Reggie sometimes. When things got real bad at home.

"I've got her shirt" Reggie said removing his flannel and handing it to me.

"Thanks babe. I know how much you love this thing"

"I do. But I love you more. Plus you look hotter in it than I do"

"I don't know about that. Something about your James Dean rocker look gets me turned on" I whispered in his ear.

I giggled watching his eyebrows raise in surprise. His usual pink tinted cheeks going red.

"Hey! No sex before the wedding" Luke joked.

"Let me live Patterson" Reggie said taking my hand to lead me towards the small bathroom in the back of the garage.

"Where are you going?"

"To consummate our marriage" I joked. Sort of.

Reggie and I laughed as the boys groaned in annoyance.

"I mean I am staying the night" Reggie said pulling me into the small room.

"Your sleeping outside" Alex called after us. Reggie not hesitating to shut the door behind us.

#luke jatp #reggie jatp #alex jatp #owen patrick joyner #jeremy shada #charlie gillespie #madison reyes #flynn jatp #jadah marie #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #sunset curve #Reggie x reader #owen joyner

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kamosweasley · 3 years

Text

Not that damn song again (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : It's Christmas time so a cute fluffy fic about it sounds right. And I'm a simp for George (and Christmas songs), I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Words count : 2.5K

Author note's : lyrics from All I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey are in italics.

Tag list : @memekingofwwiii

It's terribly cliché but you can't lie, you love Christmas. There is no better time of year, with snow, hot chocolate, big sweaters, cinnamon cookies and decorations everywhere, how not to love it ? You don't understand people who prefer summer with its sweltering heat and sunburn and all those damn mosquitoes. But unfortunately for you, your boyfriend is a man of the second category whereas you are a woman of the first category. Which makes some things a bit complicated, like you grumbling when he wants to pull you out in the July sun or like him not being able to stand the Christmas carols that you play over and over again from the first of November.

“Not that damn song again …” he mumbles, hiding his face in his hands. “Darling I love you, but if you play this song one more time ...”

“Come on Georgie, it’s Christmas time ! Listening to Christmas songs is essential to my mental health right now. It's either that or stuff myself with cinnamon cookies with the delicious icing and not fit into my favorite sweaters anymore. You really don't like it ?”, coming to give him a back hug with puppy eyes. He never resists you with those eyes, he loves to see them disappear to give way to a big smile.

“I'm sorry my love, but at the end of the fiftieth listening of your playlist I started to hate Santa Claus and the sound of the bells.”

You're both sitting on his bed, he's finishing his potion homework but he's not getting very far with you in the same room listening to the same songs for over a month. He hates it because he loves you with all his heart, but he's starting to wish he could go deaf so he can't stand those melodies which haunt him even in his sleep. He would love it as much as you do, but the more the days go by, the more he understands this will never be the case. And he doesn't want to put limits on how you enjoy this time, he knows how much it means to you.

You put your hands under his sweater to warm your hands, the contact of your cold skin on his abdo makes him startle as you let out a giggle.

“Sorry, my hands are cold and I know that your mother's sweaters keep me warm so I took advantage of it …”

“I know darling, it's absolutely not to satisfy your wandering hands.” he says as he turns his head to kiss you, “I'm going to ask my mother to knit you some mittens, since it's very warm.”

“Good idea, I'm freezing to death right now.” George begins to turn around with a grin on his face, ready to warm you up in his own way but you haven’t noticed his purpose, “I'm going to go make hot chocolate in the kitchen, do you want some too ? I can bring you a cup, I make the best hot chocolate you've ever tasted. No offense to your mom who must make really good ones too, but mine is better.”

You often take him by surprise, changing the subject or not noticing how the situation is turning out and he always found it charming. You make him think of Luna a little bit, on another level but just as clueless as her sometimes. Your boyfriend smiles at you, returning to his potion homework. “Anything to please you darling.”

“You'll see, it's fabulous! I have a secret ingredient, if you're nice I might tell you what it is.” you put on one of his sweaters that you take from his suitcase before you wink at him and leave the room. He should take advantage of the silence of your absence to finish his damn homework in a hurry but he can't concentrate. Potion is boring and he really loves it when you wear one of his sweaters, it's way too big for you and that's what makes you so adorable. And you will come to spend a few days at the Burrow, meet his parents as his girlfriend and receive your own sweater knitted by Molly. He hopes that you will continue to steal from him even if you have your own.

“Here it is ! Taste it and tell me.” you say while putting the cup in his hand. You already know what he’ll say of course, everybody loves your hot chocolate, there is no reason for your boyfriend not to do the same. He thanks you before taking a sip of the hot drink, ready for a chocolate too sweet with some spice in it. And it is, but he has to admit that it is particularly good. He nods his head before he smiles at you. “You're right, it's the best I've ever tasted.” He puts his cup on the bedside table and returns to his parchment.

“So why don't you keep drinking it ? It doesn't look like the best hot chocolate you've ever tasted.” You're sure George didn't lie to you, but you still hoped he would act on his words. When he tells you it's the best hot chocolate he's ever had in his hands, you wish he wouldn't let go of the cup until he's finished it. Maybe you have a misplaced ego but this chocolate is your personal pride and you want your boyfriend to treat it well.

He runs a hand through his hair, not even taking his eyes off his homework. “I've never been a big fan of hot chocolate or Christmas cookies and certainly not of all those bell-filled songs. I’m sorry darling but I never liked any of this.” You melt before his eyes, he is sincerely sorry he doesn't like what makes you so happy and you think it's too cute.

"I'm just not a Christmas person. It's good because we saw family and have presents but still don't get what you found in this period.” You come and join him on the bed, sitting in a suit in front of him. “It’s simple. Let it snow, Jingle Bell Rock, All I Want For Christmas, it’s all about a magical time.” In his eyes you can tell that he doesn't understand at all what you're talking about, which is amazing when you consider how much time he spent listening to all those songs. “We are wizards. Our whole life is magical, I'm not sure I understand you on that point.” You grab a roll of parchment and hold it as if it were a microphone, looking at him with a glim in your eyes.

The best thing you can do to help him understand is to show him. You’re not a good singer, at least George never complains about it, perhaps because he tries very hard to keep his mind upright since he doesn’t like your playlist. It's unlikely you'll be able to change his mind, but a little a capella karaoke should put a smile on his face.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the present, underneath the Christmas tree.” While keeping your fake microphone close to your mouth, you point at your boyfriend with the same expression as Mariah Carey in the clip. “I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know ! Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you !”

As it is impossible to sing Mariah Carey without playing the diva, you give it your all and when you see George's smile, you do it well. It must be your acting more than the words of love that make him smile like that, it's like he's trying to restrain himself from laughing.

“'Cause I just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight.” On all fours you come and sit between his legs, facing him. He puts his cold hands on your hips passing them under the elastic of your jogging, a smirk on his lips. You shiver from the sudden cold on your skin but don't stop singing, your face getting closer and closer to his. “What more can I do ? Baby, all I want for Christmas is you ! You, baby.”

He's right in front of you. Your noses are touching, your eyes are immersed in each other and you melt like snow in the sun at the intensity of this moment. Damn you love him.

The hunger in his eyes devours you before his lips reach yours. A passionate, fiery, kiss that will get you high. Your head empties itself of all words and thoughts, your hands naturally place themselves in his hair and behind your closed eyes you imagine his smile, his eyes shining with mischief, his hand holding yours and all those little things that make you fall for him. Over and over again.

Gasping for air, the kiss is stopped. You're almost dizzy, head spinning with butterflies messing around in the belly. Liking George Weasley drives you crazy, there's no telling, you've never felt that way about anyone else. Before him you'd never been that high, you'd never had a simple kiss that made you tremble, you'd never dreamed of spending the rest of your life with someone. George Weasley is the kind of man you should treasure, marry and have as a father to your children. For the simple reason that he will be wonderful in all these roles, with him everyday life will never be boring, he will always have the words to make you laugh or smile. He will give love like no one else to his children, an exemplary father who will take care of his children as if they were the greatest wonders in this world.

You have no doubt about it, your boyfriend will offer a wonderful life to the woman he chooses. That's why you're not going to let him go. Your lover.

You suddenly open your eyes as you feel yourself tilted to the side with George, he's still holding you against him and you land softly on the comforter and pillows. You're lying against each other and George slips one of his legs between yours so that they get tangled up. “Now we’re good darling.” He kisses your forehead and plays with a strand of your hair, it's so peaceful. “I haven't finished the song.” You feel his mouth smiling against your forehead. “Who cares ? Certainly not me, I heard what I needed to hear. I think I understand now.”

“Do you ?”

“Yes, but I still hate Christmas songs.”

You lean on your forearm to look down on him, looking pouty. “C’mon ! You’re overreacting, this song is brand new. It's only been out for a month, you can't already hate it.” He grabs you by the shoulders and applies pressure to force you to lie down, not softened by your pouty air. “You listen to it all the time and if not, you sing it. Believe me, one month is enough to get sick of it.”

After being a diva a few minutes before, you're having fun being a diva again because after all, you can't talk about Mariah like that. And you can't help but defend the honor of your favorite Christmas songs. With a burning gaze, fists on your hips and a somewhat condescending tone, you fight back. “It’s Mariah Carey so it will be a massive hit, I’m sure of it. And at least, I’m sure you will think of me every time you’ll hear this song for the rest of your life.” Smiling at you, he adopts the same facial expression and flutters his eyes saying to you in a sweet voice: “The only way I'm going to hear this song again is from you. It's a Muggle song, no one is going to know it among wizards.”

Rolling on yourself to be flat on your stomach, half on George given the proximity that the bed offers you, you give him a charming wink as you rest your chin on your hands.

“That’s what I’m saying. At the end of each year you will hear this song many, many, many times and you will think of that moment when I sang it to you in your dorm at Hogwarts. You will see the scene again as you hear me singing it from the other side of our house. Because we're going to spend our whole lives together.” Since you're already half on top of him, he has no problem placing you on top of him, kissing both your cheeks and your forehead as you go by, making you giggle. “You’re a genius. You really thought of everything.”

You mess his hair before wedging your head in his neck, breathing in his scent. You smile against his throat and you know him well enough to know that it makes him smile back. “How could I want to live without you ? You know how to make yourself indispensable Georgie, it's almost annoying.” You love it when he runs his hand through your hair, it's the most relaxing thing ever. His other hand traces back and forth in your back, making you a little sleepy. This man knows how to deal with you. “Because you thought you were the only one who thought of everything? I would never let you go.”

If you could stop time and stay like this forever, you would do it without hesitation. You're comfortable in a bed, just the two of you, your hearts are beating at the same rhythm and you're in love. Then it smells like hot chocolate and you've managed to make him smile to a Christmas song. You never want to forget this moment. “Fine by me Georgie.”

You can't resist the temptation to hum Last Christmas, but George's caresses make you fall asleep little by little. You stop before the end of the song and in a few minutes you fall asleep on him. He kisses the top of your head, finding you absolutely adorable. You always manage to fall asleep quickly when you are being tickled, which makes him very tender and amuses him a lot. He often teases you about it, it always annoys you and he finds it even cuter.

Feeling your body rise slightly to the rhythm of your breathing, he starts humming the end of Last Christmas. He takes advantage of you being asleep, so you won't be able to talk to him about it someday. Continuing to run his hand through your hair and humming Christmas music, he smiles as he looks up at the ceiling. You are with him, alone and calm, in perfect harmony and he always liked to feel the beat of your heart when you cuddle. It's that kind of perfect moment. And he wishes it would never end.

#george weasley #george weasley fic #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #george weasley fluff #harry potter #christmas #christmas imagine

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