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wonysugar · 6 months

Text

skilled | kim minjeong

synopsis : you always, always did her homework. what changed today?

pairing : bully!winter x nerd!femreader

genre : smut, nothing else, they just fuck very roughly, the end

tags : exhibitionism, they’re seniors, they also fuck in the lockers, before p.e, so they end up skipping oops, lots of manhandling, heavy degradation, fingering, nipple play, cunnilingus

warnings : !!read these before reading!! heavy blackmail, dubcon, recording, minjeong uses the word ‘lesbian’ as an insult, so homophobia? implied studentxteacher relationships

word count : 1.9k

a/n : disclaimer, all of this is fiction and is written for entertainment purposes!! i do not romanticize any of this. if anything similar is happening to you please please PLEASE speak up about it and also DON’T DO THIS TO ANYONE?? PLEASE?? THIS IS HORRIBLE

but on another note, happy belated birthday present @wintersera!! i meant to post this yesterday but uhm! writer’s block was on my ass. anyways i sincerely hope you enjoy it!

also this is not proofread uhm. SORRY,,

“where’s my homework?”

you looked away from minjeong, stupidly blinking at the numerous lockers behind her, trying to distract yourself from the fact that you were probably going to die today. to which, she groaned, annoyed.

her smooth hand grabbed your jaw in a swift motion and made you look at her properly, “i don’t have all fucking day y/n, it’s due next period. so, where is it?”

you felt your breathing get heavier by the second, your palms getting sweatier, your mouth suddenly producing more saliva, you knew how bad she got when things didn’t go her way, being a menace to everybody in school definitely got to her head. her poisonous stare piercing right through you as her grip on your jaw got tighter, you gathered up the courage to speak.

“i-i.. i don’t have it.”

..a scoff escapes her mouth, you always had the homework done and ready for her, what suddenly changed today?

“what do you mean you don’t have it? i told you to bring it today, didn’t i?” she responds, a mocking pout plastered on her face as you slightly shook under her touch.

“i didn’t do it, minjeong.” you confessed almost immediately. her eyes widened slightly as her eyebrows were upturned with condescension, surprised by your sudden boldness as she let go of you.

“it’s fine i’ll just- i’ll do it and give it to you after class. it’s about to be pe anyways—“ you added, stuttering and quickly closing your locker, convinced and hopeful that you could take the opportunity to walk away from the whole situation and get to the gym before she could do anything else.

boy, were you wrong.

in what felt like an incredibly short amount of seconds, she violently grabbed your collar and pinned you to the locker with full force, earning a yelp from you.

“who said i was done with you, bitch?” she leaned into you, staring at your visage like you were nothing but mere garbage to her, like laying her precious eyes on you was a chore. she giggled upon seeing your worried expression,

“i think you’re forgetting something, sweetheart. do i need to remind you that this whole arrangement started because i saw you, i watched you getting fingered by our teacher. i mean fuck, i always knew you were a weird desperate fucking lesbian, but our teacher?”

you clenched your jaw,

“i’m not a lesbian.” you snapped, to which she immediately started laughing.

“oh but you seem to be enjoying yourself soo much in that little video i recorded, don’t you think? how she was gripping your hair, how your eyes rolled back like a slut while she pumped her fingers in and out of you. be honest, you were loving it, y/n.” she hummed, then carried on,

“but then again, i might be totally blowing this out of proportion, so i could always show others and ask what they think–“

“goddamnit minjeong pleasepleaseplease don’t do that i’ll do anything i’m serious just– please.” you pleaded, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes now, like they always do when she’s pulling shit like this. if anyone were to find out that you gave your virginity up to your teacher for some grade, you’d be the talk of the entire school.

there you were, the y/n she knew and loved, the y/n who looked like a prey being hunted by its predator, the y/n who would sob so abundantly when she’d hurt you that it almost made her feel bad about it. the y/n that she got off on seeing.

thoroughly enjoying the sight of you shaking like a lost puppy under her, “so, why isn’t the homework done, baby?” she asked you in a mocking concerned voice, wearing a pout, being fully aware and amused by the fact that calling you by that cute and innocent pet name would make you quiver in even more fear.

she usually called you nicknames whenever she was planning to do something really bad.

upon seeing you avoid her gaze in shame, she gripped you tightly and pressed you harder into the locker. she was growing impatient, you knew it.

“i d-didn’t want to do it.” was the only thing you somehow managed to let out.

she stared at you some more, a smirk slowly cracking into place, progressively turning into a full-blown laugh as her grip on your collar loosened, before she let go of it completely once again. it took her a while to compose herself again, because it was just genuinely that hilarious to her.

“take off your clothes.”

what.

“w-what?” you immediately tensed up. thoughts filled with the possibilities of what she could do to you, your mind wandering in the dirtiest of places. you didn’t want to acknowledge it, but you felt insanely, extremely, very weirdly attracted to her.

“god, are you braindead or something? just shut the fuck up and take off your clothes, it’s not that hard. you’re better at being a fuckdoll than doing homework, anyway.” she groaned, snapping you back into reality.

“minjeong, the bell is about to rin-“

before you could even think about finishing your sentence, you felt a pair of lips roughly pressing against yours. letting out a surprised whimper, minjeong forcefully inserted her tongue into your mouth as she took it upon herself to get you out of your clothing, gliding her hands under the graphic tee you wore for your class, reaching for your tits and groping one of them before taking it off.

you quickly pulled away from the kiss, barely processing that it even happened in the first place. you suddenly remembered where you were at that moment, then proceeded to push her hands away.

“fuck - mmh - n-not here?? anybody could walk in and- and-“ you stuttered, completely ignoring the question reoccurring in your mind; why the fuck is she even wanting to do you in the first place?

obviously, as to be expected, she didn’t let you finish. instead, she just settled on grabbing both of your shoulders and turned you around, once again pushing you on the locker so your back would be facing her. you immediately felt your throbbing headache come back from the impact there was something else that was also throbbing, you just didn’t want to think about it.

you were getting ready to say something as you felt her stick her hand into your gym shorts, but she quickly used her other hand to shove two fingers inside your mouth.

“you’re way prettier when you stop talking.” she chuckled, whispering into your ear as she rubbed your embarrassingly wet cunt through the fabric of your underwear, making you whine against her fingers as you’re trying your hardest to be quiet and sucking on them to do so.

“my god baby you’re so wet for me.. and here i was, harassing you everyday, trying to annoy the shit out of you.. turns out you get off from this shit, hm? you probably play with your clit thinking about how mean i am to you all the time.” she sneered, “fucking lesbian.”

how the fuck did she expect you to stay quiet in this situation? the door was very much open, literally anyone could walk in at any moment, you were skipping class whether you liked it or not, and the way she was talking to you was not making it any better for you.

it’s not even like you could cover it up if someone did come in, due to the fact that you were, you know, slightly bent over in front of minjeong, her hands now inside of your shorts and on your clothed boobs as she manipulated your body to her liking.

it didn’t take long before her hands dug under your panties, sliding her middle and ring finger across your slit, feeling your slick immediately coat her digits. once again using her other hand to unhook your bra. your breathing hitched upon feeling her immediately grab ahold of your tit.

minjeong was quick to play with the bud, harshly twisting and pulling while attentively looking at your every move; her piercing gaze on you, observing and watching how your expression twists in one of euphoric pain, a wince whenever she dug her nails into your skin, mixed with a whine as she finally ended up inserting two digits inside you, slowly and gently curling them.

it was a sight to see.

“does my stupid little whore like that?” she asked you, taking in all of your reactions, one by one.

“f-fuck you.” was all you could let out in response, because while she was doing her thing, probably amused seeing you this powerless. you, on the other hand, were paranoid, throwing occasional glances at the door to make sure no one was near.

she chuckled when you threw your head back onto her shoulder, relieved from both nobody being near and the knot that was progressively tying in your stomach. you were getting close, she could feel it from the way your walls clenched around her, or the way your breathing got heavier and profanities started coming out of your mouth as you gripped her skirt tight. it was a myriad of things, really.

and that’s exactly why she completely stopped.

she knew it’d frustrate you to not finish, so she just completely ceased what she was doing. smirking while taking her fingers out of you and letting go of your chest.

“what the fuck??” is what you were gonna say if she wouldn’t have shoved the fingers she used to fuck you into your mouth, fake pout as she watched you. you made sure to glare at her before sucking on them thoroughly, also making sure that you licked them all clean.

“see how good you taste, baby?” she chuckled, taking her fingers out.

“i was close to finishing i was- i was about to cum.” you coldly told her.

she raised a mocking eyebrow, “first you don’t do my homework, now you wanna talk back? and here i was, trying to cut you some slack, fulfilling your weird disgusting fantasies and this how you thank me?”

she kicked on your leg, pushing you down to your knees and raised up her skirt to reveal her black lacy underwear, all in one swift motion.

she let out a theatrical sigh, “you know, you got me really worked up. so here’s what’s gonna happen,” she grabs your hair violently, making you look up at her. she laughed at the scene, at how ridiculous you looked, then continued.

“you’re gonna eat me out until i’m satisfied, got it? you wouldn’t want me to spread that video now, would you, y/n?” she tilted her head slightly, and.. here goes that fake motherfucking pout. oh how you hated seeing her treat you like an inferior.

is what you so desperately wish you could say.

but no, you actually obeyed. you proved her point, you showed her how obedient you can be, and ate her out like it was your last meal on earth.

her quiet moans, her grip on your hair, the grinding of her wet pussy onto your face, the way she was holding her phone and recording you, saying things like “you’re pretty - shit - skilled for someone who supposedly doesn’t like girls.” and “i know you’ve been wanting this, doll. it’s written all over your dumb fucking face when you glare at me.” while stroking your hair, before pulling on it right afterwards.

it was so dehumanizing, and for all you knew, she could use that as new material to blackmail you with next time, but you still did it. it was an indescribable feeling in the pit of your stomach.

you took a mental note that day,

and reminded yourself to never do her homework again.

#kim minjeong #winter aespa #winter aespa smut #aespa winter smut #winter smut #smut #kpop gg #aespa smut #female reader #kim minjeong smut #kim minjeong aespa #aespa minjeong #aespa minjeong smut #wlw #winter x female reader #kim minjeong x female reader

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crystalsandbubbletea · 4 months

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Vent post

(Tw: Suicidal thoughts, swearing, internalized homophobia, internalized polyamphobia, internalized acephobic, internalized arophobia, internalized enbyphobia, internalized ableism, enbyphobia, dead naming, 'LGB without the T+' person mentioned)

I'm tired of being alive.

I don't want to be alive anymore.

I don't want to be me anymore.

I'm sick and tired of everything.

I'm so fucking tired.

I hate everything about myself. I hate that I'm autistic, and have ADHD. I hate that I'm on the aroace spectrum, I hate being Demisexual and Demiromantic. I hate that I'm nonbinary, I hate that I'm polyamorous, I hate that I'm Trixic. I just want to be like everyone else I see, straight and neurotypical.

I'm so fucking tired of my school trying to "fix" me because I don't want to talk to anyone at my school.

I'm fucking tired of my case manager, you want to know why I don't go to you for anything? It's because I'm fucking afraid of you, goddamnit! You made me afraid of you! You acted like you would be fine with me being nonbinary and you acted like you would be fine with my preferred name, but in reality you're just another 'LGB without the T+' people. You're a lesbian and I foolishly ended up letting my guard down because of it, but then you kept misgendering me and you even used my dead name once, you didn't correct myself, and I couldn't correct you because I was having a full-on emotional breakdown, and you just made it worse. You don't even try to make yourself look friendly, instead you're always looking intimidating and difficult to approach. I don't need you as a case manager, what I need is a case manager who also has ADHD. A teacher I knew since my freshman year is a case manager and she also has ADHD, she should have been my case manager and maybe I wouldn't have half of my issues. But no the school was like "Oh you're queer, here have a 'LGB without the T+' lesbian as your case manager."

I hate that almost everyone at my school is acephobic and arophobic, they all act like it's the end of the world when people don't want to have sex or don't want a relationship. I didn't ask to be Demisexual and Demiromantic, I didn't ask to be this way. I'm sorry that I need very close emotional connections before getting into a romantic relationship?

I hate that I hardly see polyamorous relationships in media, no I'm not a fucking cheater. I'm sorry that I want to be in a relationship with multiple people where everyone is consenting to it? No, I'm not polygamy, polygamy and polyamorous are not the same and never will be.

I hate being nonbinary, I have extreme gender dysphoria because no one seems to care about my gender identity. I hate being very feminine, I hate my chest, I hate my waist, I hate my hips, I hate my legs, I hate my body in general. Why couldn't I have been more androgynous-looking? Spring is coming soon and I'll have to put away my oversized hoodies, which is one of the few things hiding my chest size. I wish I could get binders but I don't think there are any binders out there that could fit me.

I hate being Trixic, I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me? I'm sorry that 'lesbian' made me feel dysphoric? I'm sorry that I never felt lesbian?

Maybe I should just kill myself. No one at my school would care anyways. I'll just be one less freak. No one would give a damn if I die, except for the people following me, my online friends, the few friends I have IRL, and my family, but that will be it, no one else would care.

I am so fucking close to ending my life. I want to die.

So why can't I bring myself to end it all?

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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Ok imma be honest, this chapter moved me to tears and not the sad sobbing but the more inspiring kind. This chapter means the world.

She had told them her dreams were about ducks – since there were the only equally horrible thing she could think of.

Uncle Magnus had given her an odd look then, as if he knew she was bullshitting them. But he hadn’t said anything.

DUCKS AREN'T THAT BAD! HAVE Y'ALL EVER BEEN CHASED BY A GOAT?? I WAS CONVINCED I WAS GONNA DIE

Lexi would be royally pissed if this turned out to be some stupid pointless dream.

YUP

Even though she was only 7 minutes older than Lexi, Selena always acted like she was 7 years older.

That's so cute though

People looked at her pastel-coloured aesthetic immediately assumed she was the soft and sweet Fairchild twin. People saw Selena in her red leather jacket and thigh high boots and assumed she was in the infamous troublesome Herondale twin.

SMH THE DAMN STEREOTYPES

Why Selena hadn’t killed her in her sleep yet, Lexi doesn’t know.

BYE THAT'S EVERY SIBLING RELATIONSHIP EVER

The meals at the Academy were to die for – quite literally. Last week two students from the warlock fraction had almost killed each other over a blueberry muffin.

Oh how times change...they will never know the dreaded soup

NO ANJALI HAS BEEN GONE FOR OVER A YEAR???

IS JAIME OK?? PLEASE BE OK! HE CAN LIVE WITH TREATMENT SO I REALLY HOPE HE'S OK

Selena’s was Idris of course. She was kind of obsessed with it.

Max loved the shadow markets. Lexi thought they were very cool too.

Rafael loved his father’s office – which was weird. There was nothing to do in that room other than ponder about shadow world problems. Besides, the place still weirdly smelled like the tangerine perfume Anjali wore, even though the girl had left New York almost a year ago.

David loved the New York Institute – especially the library.

Gigi of course loved the dining halls.

Dining halls, kitchens, food trucks, vending machines - if a place had food with it, Gigi loved it.

It's so amazing how they all have their favorite places...(same David same)

“You’re supposed to pour the syrup on the pancakes not into your mouth,” Lexi chuckled as she sat down next to her.

“It ends up in my mouth anyway,” Gigi shrugged.

True enough.

AWW ROMAN MAKING GIGI PLAYLISTS!!

Someone make me a playlist.

“His parents fell in love in Rome when they were in Rome,” Gigi pointed out even though Lexi already knew. “I think it’s actually romantic.”

I had forgotten that-

Roman was nice. But not nice enough for Georgia. Lexi didn’t think there was anyone good enough for her parabatai – who was the most perfect person in the world.

Me @ anyone who tries to make a move at my best friend.

AWW GEORGIA LIKES HIM TOO!!

When's the wedding?

(you're telling me you didn't believe you were gonna marry your childhood crush? Liar)

“I like being his friend,” Georgia said. “I like spending time with him and all of that. But I don’t know if I like him…in that way. I feel like I need more time.”

Demiromantic??? YES GIVE US THE REP

Lexi sometimes thought life would be so much simpler if the world was full of women and everyone was a lesbian.

Ikr?? Life would be so much easier.

Lexi says Roman is too-nice-sus

Well well well

The kind of love that cheated death.

The kind of love that sustained memory spells put by princes of hell.

The kind of love that changed the world.

Trust me all of our standards are very high

Lexi successfully survived the class without falling asleep.

Me during English.

Ok who's the blond?

Lexi I thought we weren't gonna fall this soon-

Oh the girl's straight...sigh we've all been there.

which meant they had to hold hands. Kinda.

Lexi was a little scared of that.

Me.

Goddamnit, Alexandra. Get your gay together!

THAT'S SO RELATABLE LIKE?? YES

OH MY GOD IT'S EMMA AND JULIAN'S DAUGHTER GEIDIDHDOHDJSKSJSKGXJDHSODHKDGDDGDJHDJDGDJDGJDHD

Lexi knew Olivia liked boys. She hadn’t dated anyone officially of course. All the boys were kind of terrified of her father.

She could be bi or pan or omni. WE GOTTA HAVE HOPE

vegetable loaf... David I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Lexi then decided not to do any of her homework over the weekend because she was not coming back to the academy. She was not going to survive the sleepover and whatever else Olivia had in mind.

Bestie...why is this me when I make eye contact with my crush.

“Good stuff?” Max snorted. “Rafe literally ran away from home cause shit got too intense.”

“I didn’t run away!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Stop telling people that!”

“But you have rumours and shadowhunters getting thrown into silent city and cohort drama and all that exciting stuff!” Liv pointed out.

I-

Liv-

True though.

“Wasn’t there a serial killer when your parents were young?” David asked.

“And didn’t your uncle do necromancy?” Max said biting into a chicken wing.

True and true

“Sorry, Chouchou!” Lexi winced. “I, uh, sensed a mosquitoe on your leg.”

“Girl, your angel powers are weird as fuck,” Max laughed.

MAX LANGUAGE

“I don’t know,” the girl shrugged and threw her a wink. “I wouldn’t put anything past Lexi.”

Lexi looked at Gigi. She was one more compliment away from screaming.

But Gigi of course knew her struggle and therefore quickly stuffed a bread roll into Lexi’s mouth.

I need someone to stuff bread into my mouth when things get like this

There were rumours about David – and how Daddy had an affair. Lexi was yet to find those asshats and shove a witch light down their throats.

When you find them lemme know too.

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t need rumours be interesting,” David pointed out.

Max turned around, looking surprised at that. His cheeks turned purple. Lexi didn’t know why he was surprised. David only ever spoke fondly of Max.

JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY OH MY GOD

“Oh. Oh! I did hear something a long time ago!” Gigi said suddenly. “Olly, is it true you were conceived at the beach?”

“Georgia, you can’t just ask people where they were conceived!” David sounded horrified.

That is very much possible.

“I heard you were conceived in hell?”

“Oh my god,” Selena looked horrified. “That’s not true! It must have been about Max!”

“Y’all I am adopted!” Max was shaking with laughter and then stopped. “Although our dads could have definitely had sex in hell. I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Oh yes. Both clace and malec.

Then they had of course continued to discuss that cursed topic until Rafael had threatened to tell the Consul about it.

LMAO

Lexi turned around and saw Liv waiting for her. Nope. She wasn’t going to talk a walk – a fucking stroll! – with Olivia all on her own.

“You are coming back to the institute with me or I will un-parabatai you.”

You know there being an un-parabatai ceremony would solve a lot of shit

What if their hands accidentally grazed or something? That shit was lethal.

RIGHT????

She is just trying to be nice. That’s what friends do. They are nice. And they give each other pretty dresses and say they would like to see them in it.

Honey that's gay.

EVERYONE ASKING HER OUT IM DEAD

Selena: Ugh boys

Selena: When I win back Idris, we are leaving all the men behind.

Lexi: Except Magnus? Lol.

Selena: Obviously.

Is that even a question Lexi? Duh.

ALEC LIGHTWOOD THOUGHT SHE WAS STRAIGHT? THE SHAME!

OH MY GOD IM CACKLING

Not everyone can kiss their partner in the Accords Hall. Some people didn’t have access to the Accords Hall.

And most important, some people didn’t have partners!

We're getting a lexi and Alec talk someone hold me

“I’m going to tell you something,” Uncle Alec said. “It might sound simple. It might sound ridiculous. But it’s the truth. So, you must believe me. Can you do that?”

Lexi gave him a small nod.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think,” Uncle Alec said. “Not when it comes to your future. Not when it comes to your identity. They don’t get to have a say in who you are and why you are the way you are.”

Lexi bit her lip.

“Alexandra, people will always tell what to do. But you shouldn’t let them. Never let anyone tell you what to do with your heart or your body. Neither belongs them. It only belongs to you.”

THIS RIGHT HERE MADE ME START CRYING BECAUSE DAMN YES!

“Yep,” she groaned and then hesitated for a moment. “Uncle Alec…Can I ask you something stupid?”

“Can I say no?”

“No.”

“Then go ahead.”

I love her so much

“I feel…I feel it’s something we have to bear, Alexandra. The fear of rejection. It’s something we have to accept as an inevitable part of our lives. Because no matter how much love we have around us, we will always be afraid of people not loving us – simply because of who we are.”

Yeah...

“Besides, they named you after me,” he pointed out. “I don’t know what else they expected.”

EXACTLY! Did they really expect a straight child after naming them after Alec?

“I do like shouting,” Lexi wondered out loud. “That’s good advice.”

“I didn’t mean it literally!” Uncle Alec looked alarmed.

“No, it makes total sense!” Lexi grinned. “Some of these people can be tone deaf. Gotta shout it out. Loud and clear. Awesome advice! Thanks, Uncle Alec!”

DO IT

“Hey, Lexi. I was wonderin-”

“MOVE, I’M GAY!” she yelled as she shoved him aside and kept on running.

ABSOLUTELY ICONIC

“I prefer she/her,” Lexi answered. "But sometimes I prefer she/they. But you can use she/her because some of y'all already shit at grammar."

That's exactly what I tell people when they ask for my pronouns. Istg people are shit at grammar.

alright girl im here to give you a lecture on how someone's dressing doesn't describe their sexuality

OH MY MY GOD THERE WAS A GENDER AND SEXUALITY CLASS IN THE ACADEMY ARE THEY RECRUITING???

One of the boys who had complimented cleared his throat. “So, uh, you don’t like boys?”

“That’s literally what I said,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m gayer than the Consul. Okay fine, that’s not true. No one gayer than the Consul. But I’m still pretty gay.”

Does the boy have hearing problems?

ALSO YES NO ONE'S GAYER THAN THE CONSUL

“Sexual orientation and gender expression are two different things,” she explained now, remember what Uncle Magnus had taught them. “Sexual orientation refers to who I am sexually and romantically attracted to. Gender expression is how I want to express my gender identity. Those two are not connected. Just because a woman wears feminine clothes it doesn’t mean she is straight. Just because a man embraces femininity, it doesn’t make him gay either. Does that make sense?”

“Ohhh,” the girl nodded. “Yes, it does. Thank you!”

“What I wear does not reflect who I like. It reflects who I am and what I like to wear,” Lexi explained. “And regardless of my sexuality, I like pretty things.”

Exactly.

“This doesn’t change anything. I hope you know that,” he told her. “I mean I have to change the pronouns in my shovel talk. But that’s not a big deal.”

Awwww

Also – my good friend Raziel told me that homophobia is a sin.”

“You mean homosexuality is a sin?” an older man asked.

“No, homophobia is a sin,” Lexi repeated. “That’s what Raziel said.”

“But that’s not-”

Someone cleared their throat. When he spoke, it was in the Consul Voice.

“Are you saying know better than Raziel?” the Consul asked.

Listen to Raziel you dumb shit

“Sure. Let me just call the Lesbian Alliance,” Lexi rolled her eyes.

Ugh I wish

OH NO NO NO NOT THE FAKE DATING. JUST CONFESS AND DATE FOR REAL

“Alexandra, I have a fucking undercut and I have pink highlights and I cuff my jeans and I literally walk around with a sword and I can quote Lady Gaga to perfection! Why would you ever think I was straight??”

Lexi your gaydar is broken bestie.

Don't do this omg this is gonna be a mess

Gigi: THIS IS A BAD IDEA. ABORT! ABORT!

Lexi: Relaaaax. It’s going to be fine!

Gigi: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know the fake dating trope never ends well!

Lexi: I’ve told you to include the ‘angst with happy ending’ tag!

LMAO

Also Gigi which fanfiction do you read?

Jace omg...

That's so him though.

“How about my peeps? It sounds very hip.”

“It does not,” Lexi replied. “Please don’t refer to us as your peeps under any circumstance."

IM SCREAMING ASHSKHSIDBSHSHDH

Her father chuckled at that. “Sweetheart, you’re a Herondale. Being problematic is what we do.”

EXACTLY

Daddy opened the notebook again. “I need names.”

Grabs flamethrower names

“Besides, the Lightwoods and Blackthorns have been hogging the gay genes for too long. Now it’s our turn. I say you gay it up.”

“Gay it up?” Lexi laughed.

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Go for the highest possible level of gay.”

DO IT

He blinked for a second and then it hit him. “OH MY GOD YES! DOES EMMA KNOW??”

Lexi laughed. Yeah, he can never find out it was a fake dating situation.

Hopefully he won't have to because it won't be fake :D

“To love is a privilege and to be loved is a blessing.”

THE GROWTH OH MY GOD

This chapter literally means so much to me. I don't even know what to say. I hope I too can one day have the courage to shout it in front of everyone and not be scared. See ya on Tuesday!

It means so much to me that this chapter meant a lot to you. I hope you find all the courage, strength and support you need. You are amazing.

And here. I made you a playlist.

You can find it here on YouTube. I hope you like it :)

#lbaf

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moonmotels · 4 years

Note

38, with Foxxay? Please? 😊

hotel

“Goddamnit,” Cordelia hits the dashboard of her car with a gloved hand, aggravated by the increase of snow in their line of vision. “I can’t see anything, we’ll never make it home at this point.”

Misty turns down the radio to a low hum, crinkling her eyes in displeasure. “Delia, I don’t feel right bein’ out on the roads like this. It’s too dark and snowy.”

Cordelia softens her voice at the sound of Misty’s fearful confession, wanting to make her feel comforted. Safe. Warm. With Misty, she always finds herself softening up around the edges, like she has no singular ounce of capability in making her feel less than loved.

The pair had been on a short road trip across the state in search of a special flora that only grows in the southern most tip of Louisiana. They’d gotten side tracked in the small town all afternoon, stretching their legs after the long car ride in antique stores and flower shops that catered to their every whim. When calling Madison to check on the state of the house, she asked Cordelia what it’s like to be living in a shitty lesbian romcom. It was mostly Cordelia’s fault, but how can you blame her when Misty had asked so sweetly to check out the vintage stores that looked like nobody had been in them since World War 2?

Now, at nearly ten pm, an unexpected snow squall was swirling above their heads like a guillotine, daunting them with danger. Cordelia, taking the lead, pulled off the next exit to a small motel on the side of the road, something that looked straight out of a horror movie. Maybe, she hopes, Misty will defend her against any attackers. Maybe, she also thinks, she’d really enjoy that.

“Is this alright?” she asks quietly, silently hoping there will only be one room with one bed left.

“Yeah, Dee, this is fine. Would rather be in here than out in that crazy storm,” Misty replies. “I could use a warm shower too. Feels icky after touchin’ old people stuff all day.”

“You dragged me in there,” Cordelia teases, but neglects to mention that Misty could pull her anywhere.

At the front desk, a kind old woman with reader glasses greets them warmly. “Trying to stay warm tonight, ladies?”

“You betcha,” Misty answers, too busy examining the vending machine to properly turn and greet the woman.

“Two rooms, or one?” she asks. Cordelia goes to open her mouth and reply ‘two,’ when Misty, still deciding what to eat, answers, “One is fine.”

The woman nods, clicking something on her computer that looks about as ancient as the junk they’d browsed earlier. “And would that be one king bed or two doubles? I don’t judge these days,” she laughs, and Cordelia all but steps outside to let herself get swept away by the strong winds.

Before Misty can answer this one, she replies, “Two doubles are fine.” She spares a glance at Misty’s reflection in the glass of the snack machine, but if that bothers Misty, she keeps her face neutral.

After being handed the key, Cordelia helps Misty carry her snacks that could feed an army down the short hallway. Inside the room, she kicks off her shoes and sighs in content, wanting nothing more than to melt into the mattress and forget she’s stuck here. Alone. With the woman she may possibly be in love with.

Misty drops her food on the bed and retreats towards the bathroom, calling, “I’m takin’ a shower, you wanna call Queenie and tell her she’s in charge tonight? Bet Maddie’s fumin’ we never let her watch over the house.”

Cordelia had all but forgotten their life and friends at home, too caught up in the whiffs of jasmine and sunflowers that passed as Misty breezed by. She blinks herself from a daze and answers, “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

Settling into the uncomfortable mattress, Cordelia tries to pretend she’s fine, especially so when Misty comes back from her shower dressed in less clothes. Specifically no bra and skirt. Just the cropped sweater she’d been in earlier. A dozen explicit scenarios run through Cordelia’s mind, but she keeps herself level headed and pretends to be interested in the game of Candy Crush on her phone.

When Misty crawls under the covers on her bed, Cordelia finds the courage to ask, “Comfy over there?” Misty bites her bottom lip, drags it between teeth for a second before responding, “Bed’s big enough for two. Feels awful lonely over here.”

The air grows thin. Cordelia finds herself standing on wobbly legs and walking over to her bed, where Misty immediately pulls the covers back and pats the space gently. The bed creaks and groans with her added weight, as if welcoming her home in some fucked up way. When their legs brush, Cordelia has to bite back a wail.

Misty, unaffected as always, asks, “Whatcha wanna watch? We have ‘I Love Lucy’ or the channel that plays Bible sermons on loop.”

Cordelia snorts, cracking open her bag of vending machine popcorn. “Call me crazy, but I’m feeling a little wild. Let’s watch Lucy.”

Misty would call Cordelia a lot of things, specifically beautiful, important, and lovely, but not crazy. Definitely not crazy. Feeling a touch wild herself, she slides one of her legs between Cordelia’s and makes herself comfortable with her head on Cordelia’s inviting shoulder. She breathes out a sigh of content, feeling at peace for the first time all night.

She hears her name called softly, causing her to look up at Cordelia’s ever-radiant face. “Misty, do you,” Cordelia clears her throat, looks like she’s going to say something important. Instead, she continues, “did you want to split the honey bun?”

“Oh.” Misty glances down at the glazed pastry in Cordelia’s lap and shakes her head no. “Nah, it’s all yours.”

Cordelia looks pained for a brief second before remembering how well she wears her emotions. She’s back to her usual self in no time, flicking through the channels in search of better entertainment. Two more seconds of sharing a bed with Misty and she may explode, needing the distraction of something to keep her emotions tucked away behind the glass case of her heart.

Misty, unfortunately, seems tired of beating around this bush. She takes the remote from Cordelia and flicks the screen off, leaving them to stare at their reflections in the dark screen. More specifically, Cordelia watches Misty carefully set the remote on the nightstand before leaning over and taking her face between palms. At the life-changing eye contact, Misty whispers, “Tell me if this isn’t alright,” before pressing her lips gently to Cordelia’s.

And no, it’s not alright, because now Cordelia will never want to do anything else. Would much rather spend out the rest of her days doing this; having her mouth on Misty’s, her fingertips dug in the soft flesh of her shoulders, listening to the soft gasps that Misty is making that has her head absolutely spinning. She tells Misty this, whispers that everything feels so right with her, and Misty happily accepts it as fact.

As the snow falls around the four walls of their room and creates a blanket of serenity around them, Cordelia allows herself to fall deeper in love. Just a little. Just for the night.

#foxxay #:)

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banjodanger · 4 years

Text

The Wolverine(2013)-Afterthoughts.

How do you forget about a movie with a giant samurai robot that doubles as cancer treatment? How is this not considered a highlight of the whole series?

Ok, I’ll be honest with you. That is a pretty ridiculous end for a movie that has spent it’s previous two hours being more or less grounded in reality. Yes, this is a comic book movie, but it’s still one that spends close to a third of its running time on a slow-blossoming romance between two of its main characters. Said slow-blossoming romance also takes place while Wolverine is...well, not Wolverine. Almost all of this movie features Logan without one of his defining powers, going in and out of consciousness and hallucinating his OTHER dead romantic interest. Before the big Silver Samurai fight, all the other battles are Logan against regular humans. Sure, the train fight plays with reality and physics but compared to Wolverine jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter this might as well be based on a true story.

This grounded approach means the movie depends more on the script and story than previous X-Men movies. It leads to what is the most introspective X-Men movie we’ve seen from Fox, and while there’s been absolutely no competition for that title, at least up to this point, it’s still nice to see. Watching this movie makes it plainly obvious why Mangold was brought back for Logan. This movie is about as stunning a reversal from Origins without having Jodorowsky direct. Which would be phenomenal, but this world isn’t beautiful enough to have a ten-hour movie involving Wolverine nude and on various psychedelics screaming at religious iconography.

That would be awesome...

Look, Marvel, hire Jodorowsky to direct something. But hurry up, because dude is pushing ninety. Unless psychedelics are somehow the secret to eternal life, which looking at the guy’s work ethic might be the case.

Moving on...

Let’s all gush about Yukio for a second, because she’s just goddamn great. Yukio steals almost every scene she’s in. Her character is reminiscent of the mentor relationship Logan shared with Kitty Pryde and later Jubilee. It’s the type of relationship the very first X-Men movie tried to set up with Rogue and never bothered to follow through on, to the detriment of both characters (but mostly, almost entirely Rogue). Better still, Yukio is set up as the type of character that actually exists before and after the movie. You could easily write an entire movie about the complex dynamics hinted at between Yukio and Mariko. I can think of no better proof of how good a character she is then that Fox clearly had no idea what to do with her.

I’ve talked about Origins a lot, but I have yet to mention the other movie this follows up. Well, I’m not going to do it by name because, frankly, the hurt is still there. But as far as a sequel to that dumpster fire of toxic masculinity and studio incompetence, plus the choking miasma of however much Aqua Velva Brett Ratner must splash on daily...Forgot where I was going with that.

How much of X3′s budget was spent on cheap cologne? I don’t need an exact number, just a general estimate.

Oh yea, The Wolverine as a follow-up to X3. It’s great. Famke Jannsen’s last turn as Jean Grey is fucking great. It’s shocking what an actor can do when you give them actual lines. She’s there as a figment of Logan’ subconscious guilt and makes more of an impression than she ever did as the Phoenix. Honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the screentime was more or less equal.

This movie has a lot going for it. As the first X-Men movie to take place entirely in another country, I was expecting it to step in it culturally. Surprisingly, it doesn’t. They kinda gloss over the war crimes committed by Japan, but at least Wolverine doesn’t get all mopey over a dead nazi in this one. Other than that, this movie is overall pretty respectful. I’m not going to call it entirely accurate, but this is also a movie that hinges on tiny robots destroying how you heal so maybe don’t consult it before a big trip to Japan, but as an action movie it’s fine. No, this movie is two pretty trouble free hours.

*checks runtime* 2:18.

Huh.

Oh, Viper just said being a lesbian makes her a better villain.

...Goddamnit. You guys got so close.

The actual line is “Immune to the poison of Man,” and this is problematic for two reasons, so let’s discuss the more obvious one first. Being something other than white, cis, and straight doesn’t make you evil! This was a gross trope in the eighties, and in 2013 it’s deliberately ignorant. It adds nothing to her or the larger story. Up until this point, she wasn’t the most three-dimensional villain, but that was fine. We didn’t need a detailed backstory, she poisoned people and was against Wolverine. That’s plenty in this movie.

That brings me to the second reason. It’s a cheap way to claim LGBT representation without actually bothering to put in any work. Look, everyone here has watched multiple episodes of Law & Order when they were sick right?

Just, follow me for a second.

There was a character called Serena Sotherlyn, and on her very last episode, as she’s fired, she asks “Is this because I’m a lesbian?” It’s one of her last lines before she leaves the show, and she’s given absolutely no indication before this point in regards to her sexuality. If you look it up, people will point out lines or actions they say are clues to her sexuality but it’s a lot of hindsight. There was never a statement until her very last scene.

Ok, enough talking about Law & Order. Somewhere in there is the point I’m trying to make, and the point is none of this is representation, it’s just lazy pandering. And as far as I can tell, it didn’t pay off for them. I had to watch the movie twice before I even picked up on the line. But it’s like a mislaid tile or a stray hair you missed while shaving; once you see it it’s all you see.

And that’s a shame, because one line shouldn’t detract from a whole movie. I’m not saying it does, but it sticks out so much because of the utter lack of necessity in the line. We don’t gain any insight into the character and the movie doesn’t gain anything from the line. Hell, she’s dead five minutes later, she could be telling us her weekend plans for all it affects the plot. She might as well tell Wolverine she forgot to get pickles from the grocery store, then Yukio breaks her neck as she’s heading to the A&P(still open in 2013), but Yukio would’ve had some super badass line because she’s the best.

Rila Fukushima deserves another shot, Hollywood. Please listen to this amateur tumblr blogger. Maybe you’re lost on your way to some sonic fanfics or something, I don’t know.

Apart from that one line, I don’t have a reason not to recommend this movie. There’s great action, romance, the friends we made along the way. This one deserves to be remembered.

P.S. I’ll discuss that midcredits scene during my premovie thoughts for Days of Future Past. It wasn’t directed by or planned for by Mangold, so I’m going to consider it part of the next one. So there.

Up Next: Time to reset the X-Men, so Fox can make new, even worse mistakes.

#xmen #xmenmovies #x men movies #the wolverine #thewolverine #fox #movie critique #movie review

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neverlandtimelord · 4 years

Text

Just part of a bigger thing I’m working on.

—————

I was furious, and exhausted. I felt like I was in a bad 90s movie with the rain pounding so hard, I had to yell to be heard. Even the streetlight above me was flickering in a very sinister way.

He looked at me with those sapphire eyes, those eyes that would tear into your soul if you didn’t look away in time. But now, he had a glazed over look, like he had been staring into the sun for too long. Or just high on heroin again.

I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing I needed to push him away, but still hating myself for it.

“So, what? I’m just supposed to be totally fucking fine with finding my best friend BASICALLY DEAD in a fucking alley?! Like I’m just supposed to shrug off the fact that you overdosed this morning? I got lucky and happened to find you and gave you a Narcan shot and brought you back, and you repay me by taking my last $20, disappearing all day, and when you do show back up you’re high as hell on heroin looking for a dry place to sleep?! Fuck you Andy. Sleep in the rain!”

I taste blood, I can’t tell if it’s from my cheek or lip that I bit, maybe both. I’m too angry to cry, too numb to feel pity. And he just stares at me with those eyes that used to be so captivating that now just seem empty and cold.

“Can you at least scream at me from inside? It’s raining, you know?” He says flatly, and almost smirks.

I am fire and rage and fury. I don’t care that we’ve been best friends since we were 11, I don’t care that he was the first person I had sex with, I don’t care that he was always around to talk too when some girl broke my heart, I don’t care that’s he’s my person. Right now, it’s not even him.

I turn away from him and walk the half block to my house, I flip on the porch light, and sit down on the swing. Twenty seconds later he’s sitting next to me, smoking a cigarette and staring blankly at me.

“Why are you here, Andy? Don’t you have other friends to hang out with?” I say it as calmly and flatly as I can, refusing to let him force more emotions out of me.

“I don’t. You’re the last one left.” As he says it, there’s a trace of the old Andy, the real him, in there, and my chest gets tight.

“And I wonder why?” I roll my eyes, and pick up a joint from the table by the swing. He hands me a lighter.

“Ten years is a long time, October.” He’s doing that thing again, the thing where he wants me to feel bad for him, so he brings up how long we’ve been friends.

“Yeah, too long.” I say, trying not to scream. Trying not to remember his basically dead body in that alleyway, and trying to not get that image of him mixed with the image of the chubby faced, sapphire eyed kid I met on my 11th birthday. And here we are on my 21st birthday with the world exploding around us, inside us, and goddamnit this is not how I wanted to spend this day.

I was supposed to go out to decadent lesbian bar downtown, and find someone to buy me drinks and take me home for the night, that’s it. Just simple fun, but then my best friend overdosed in an alleyway and now we’re fighting in a thunderstorm and I’m definitely not getting laid tonight. I take a long drag on the joint and exhale as slowly as I can.

“I’m done Andy.”

“You always say that” he says, almost playful. I want to scream.

“No. I mean it. I’m done. I’ll help you get into rehab, but I’m done....” I want to bubble over.

“You always mean it ‘Tober. But you always come back to me.”

I spring up from the porch swing, almost causing him to fall off.

“You didn’t even thank me! I brought you back from the dead, AGAIN! And you didn’t even thank me!”

“Thank you” he says, looking up at me slowly.

I roll my eyes, knowing he probably didn’t even notice because of the night and the rain.

“You need to leave. Now.”

“October, it’s raining. I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“And that’s your goddamn fault! And I’m not letting you do this to me anymore! I’m fucking serious! Leave, now!”

I’m screaming, I’m louder than the storm. I am pure rage and betrayal and pain.

I grab him by the hoodie and try to pull him up.

He stares at me , not moving.

“Just go. Go!” I refuse to cry, I am breaking in half but I will not cry.

Finally he stands up, and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“October, I’m sorry. I’m a fuck up, okay? You know that. Come on.”

I cross my arms and glare at him. What if he just overdoses in an alley again and I’m not there? I shake my head, he is not my responsibility, I can’t keep ruining my life for him.

“I know you’re going to sleep on the porch anyway, just be fucking gone before I leave for work.” I sigh, resigned and exhausted. I walk to the door and make a point to not look at him. “And Andy, don’t come back. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Don’t. come. back.”

I don’t wait for him to say anything, I slam the door, lock it, and turn off the porch light.

I walk to the couch and collapse, finally letting myself cry. I can’t stop. I want to run outside and drag him inside, and forgive him. But I can’t, cause it’s killing me. But I can’t stop thinking that if I don’t open that door, he will end up dead in that alleyway.

I don’t open the door, and in the morning he’s gone.

#short story #fiction #idk #fuck it #this probably sucks

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barbariccia · 4 years

Text

oh boy, i know what’s coming.

Kaidan: We’ve played it pretty close to the book so far. But we’re a long way from backup. We’ve got some tough calls to make. I’m just saying... try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do to someone. And I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard.

Kaidan: ... Commander.

[takes a deep breath]

so you have the option to ask if he’s talking about liara, in this scene. because liara is the default romance. which i’m [grimaces loudly] still. and i believe i’m correct in that if you’re playing mshep you get the choice to make between liara and ashley instead of kaidan around this time, too.

especially if i’m a what, kaidan.

don’t get me wrong, i like kaidan as a character. i romanced him in my first playthrough and enjoyed the romance, even! it’s your standard bioware ‘first dude, nice dude’ romance. there’s a little ust, they’re a decent battle couple, the eyebrows are almost hypnotic-

but i really don’t like the way that line’s come across. i’m sure many others have glossed over it in their playthroughs, but as a lesbian, i’m sat here with the most fucking unimpressed face. granted, in me1 he didn’t have a same-sex romance, but in retrospect, knowing you can romance him as a maleshep in me3, is just... yeesh. with that retrospective knowledge i am contenting myself with taking a deep breath and accepting that kaidan’s got some internal shit to work out, some self-realisation to come to, and that one day, one day, he might apologise to shep for the callous way he brought that up.

SO LET’S GO SEE LIARA, I GUESS.

Shepard: Maybe we could pick up where we left off. You were telling me about your interest in the Protheans.

Liara: Actually, I think I was talking about my interest in you.

granted, the conversation actually opens with the differences between asari and human lives. liara admits she’s always thought humans were very brash and aggressive, and shepard retorts that they have to be, because they live to 150 if they’re lucky, and that’s not much older than liara is now, all things considered. she thinks of humans as determined, but intimidating, too.

Shepard: You can’t argue with results.

Liara: No, but there are consequences. Unfortunately, the rest of the galaxy seems humanity as a bully. You run over anyone who gets in your way.

... good to know that humans will forever be humans, i suppose. it’s not exactly out of character for this race, and i wish the different characters’ viewpoints on human personalities came to the fore more often, as opposed to asari ethereality and krogan aggressiveness!

anyway- liara says that shepard’s will is truly incredible, and that she looked into the background of shepard to get to understand them better. her flavour text here changes depending on what background you took; in this run, she read over the reports from akuze, and you have the option to call her out on looking into personal information, which i took. liara’s excuse is that she was already embarrassed from your last chat with her, and that she’s too awkward to really know better... which isn’t an excuse. liara has potential for a lot of growth (which admittedly is realised the further into the franchise you go), but as of right now she is thoroughly unlikable for her cowardice. age and inexperience be damned, she ought to be a little more understanding of how interpersonal relationships work at this point.

... which isn’t to say that this isn’t a wonderful character flaw. because people do be like that.

she’s interested in us. shepard has the option to tell her that she’s only feeling that way because of our interaction with the prothean beacon, which is what she’s so far demonstrated interest in, and she says it was that way... at first. not so any longer.

😂 😂 😂 liara pls

so, i have the same feelings on this as i do with kaidan’s manner of approaching the relationship, in that if you’re not expecting it, it kinda comes out of left field. since leaving the citadel, all i’ve done is side missions up to this point, no main plot stuff, so it can be kind jarring to come back from the galaxy map after shooting the fuck out of a bunch of geth on various different planets only to be slapped in the face with the realisation that two of your crewmates are harbouring secret crushes on you.

meanwhile garrus has had no additional dialogue and is the only member of the cast to stay that way so far. goddamnit.

as an aside, as a female shepard, you have the choice to be like BUT YOU’RE A WOMAN... :O at liara, who calmly reminds you that asari are monogendered, and that it’s not really gay, so take that, censors! oh, but they have maternal instincts and look like women and are coded as women so

i turned her down, and she was highly embarrassed, and like, we’ve all been there liara, it’s fine.

but jesus.

#mol plays mass effect #squad: kaidan #squad: liara

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letstalksymphogear · 5 years

Text

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

#symphogear #recap #anime #comedy #sponsored by taco bell

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myvalzpival · 5 years

Text

“Elfs and Friends” Masterpost

“Elfs and Friends” from the LotR LCG game, as described by me and @1pen1knife:

LEGOLAS: here to fuck you up. doesn’t have many friends, but doesn’t care, he’s an independent woman goddamnit. suddenly turned emo for some reason. but you only act as if the black hair bothered you. you love it. is stuck in a group with two dwarves. the suffering is real.

CELEBORN: everything you know about the movie Legolas. he watches and he knows. sneaky bitch. always negative because he likes being positively surprised. has 6 younger brothers who ruin his life but he loves them. cannot sing or dance. falls from every horse he tries to mount.

OROPHIN: name sounds like a drug. will end your suffering with one well-aimed kick in the head. voice way too low for his appearance. his greasy hair still looks better than yours. can sing beautifully, but only my chemical romance. “it’s not a phase, mom! i’ve been like this for the past 1000 years, ugh why can’t you understand!!!!”. throws himself first into every battle to finally die, always comes back victorious and disappointed.

ERESTOR: can speak any language you can think of except for French. knows a lot of things, but his rhetoric abilities are - 58. knows a lot of swearwords and screams them out during battle just to confuse everybody. can crush a can on his head, but nobody believes him.

HALDIR: a true fren. always there when you need him. seriously, he just suddenly emerges behind you and you are creeped out. thinks he has no friends, but everyone loves him. looks like he might cry any second, but will bash your skull in with no mercy. wishes a good morning to his horse the first thing in the morning.

ZELDA: the one straight friend who’s just trying to fit in. not the strongest, but trying his best. a good friend at any times. doesn’t understand why he can’t pet a balrog when he sees one. always learning and appreciative of advice. constantly muttering “so dumb! why are you so dumb!” to himself when he messes up. great at starting fires.

GALDOR: the concerned mom. has a strong will but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get fucked up every time. does not drink and brings all his drunk friends to their homes on his own back. great storyteller, especially for children. always has at least one useful advice for you. is always right, but you realize that when it’s too late.

GILDOR: has anyone said ‘sexual tension’??? probably Galdor’s bratty younger brother idk. will pin you down just for the lolz. puffy sleeves for l i f e. probably better with a sword than with a bow, he likes to get close and personal if you know what i mean. fabulous dancer. has read one (1) book in his life and it was a comic book.

IMLADRIS: *william osman’s voice* CARETAKEEEEEER! definitely drawn by a different author, but everyone pretends they don’t see it. takes care of frickin’ everyone all the time because McHenamarth keeps starting motherfucking fires. taken for granted by everyone, hardly ever hears a thank you. has an emotional support afghan hound.

GLORFINDEL: goldielocks in an armor. will smite your grandma if he gets the order to do so. pretty much a god, his attack should be anywhere between 7 and 500. young and ‘straight’ yeah right. changes from a puppy to a beast in 0,2 seconds. has his lucky socks that he wore when defeating the balrog.

ELROND: the good twin. not exactly h o t, but could be your dad so you don’t mind. wise and a good dad. also incredibly stupid and the worst dad ever. there’s no in between. likes long walks on the beach. sung in a choir as a child but never had the chance to fine-tune his talent.

ERESTOR: “what the fuck, Karen?” has zero fighting skills, but goes into battle anways because he looks scary and can scream very loud. doesn’t like telling people what to do, but everyone else is a fucking idiot so he has to. loves his wife more than anything, she’s super supportive. also his wife would probably choke a bear with bare hands, as opposed to him. likes soups.

ELROHIR: has kind of a blank look on his face, but that’s just because “I will survive” is playig in his head at all times. always wears armor. overequipped. if you need a knife, he’s your man. ran with scissors as a child. hair gets tangled very easily. sings only in the shower.

TIME FOR THE FRIENDS!

NORTHERN TRACKER: probably called Francis. not gay, but a good ally. rarely talks, but when he does, it’s pure gold. knows a lot of secrets and won’t hesitate to use them against you. has a small daughter with whom he plays dress up all the time. would die for his friends. touched a dragon once. always knows where you’re going.

LÓRIEN GUIDE: hates social interacion, lives in the woods. apparently walks so much his feet disappeared. looks a little ratty, but in a good way. the one person hobbits never hear comming. best friends with Francis, they met in jail. pretty much invisible, but when he arrives to a town and gets washed and fixed, every man and woman falls for him. he doesn’t get the clues tho. freezes upon seeing a beautigul man.

BERAVOR: the lesbian queen we don’t deserve. will crush your skull, either with her hands or her thighs. “pretty good for a girl” is the last thing you’ll ever say. sings like an angel, talks like a miner. can speak with birds. Sauron would let her peg him.

#lord of the rings #lotr lcg #tobes back at it again #legolas #elrond #and a lot of fucking friends

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donkeywrotewhat · 7 years

Text

The Hurting, The Healing, The Loving: Part I- The Hurting

“Boss or Toss kissing someone you’re on tour with.”

“So this last beautiful girl that I am going to introduce has the most beautiful emerald green eyes in all the world, and she has a wonderful mind and she says smart and intelligent things and she’s my favorite, Lauren Jauregui.”

“Do you guys know who Camren is?”

“They call her Mila, I call her Camz.”

“Mine’s Lauren.”

“I love Lern Jergi.”

Bright lights flashed against her green ones and soon she found herself standing in front of thousands of people. She blinked once or twice to see if all of this is happening and suddenly it hit her. She was having of those flashbacks again. Groaning internally and doing everything to not look like she was pissed at someone- which clearly was herself to avoid misunderstanding, she just heaves out a breath out and looks to her right and sees two of her members, Dinah and Normani who were getting all cuddly cuddly. She takes a glance at Ally who looked like a mother looking over her daughter who finally got the dream girl and when Normani met her set of eyes she acted like how people wanted to see, like a proud bestfriend giving a thumbs up, making sure everyone could see just so they could make about things and theories about this one later on.

Giving the final bow, All of them went back to the dressing room, changing into their party clothes and headed off to the club for an after-party event located at the heart of the city. Even before arriving they knew there’s going to be a lot of people which represented mostly by the media hoping to snap something to post it later on their columns. And although this people piss them off, they had to pose and look good because that’s what people wanted to see. So like the management taught them to do, they posed all for the flashing lights before leavinbg them wanting more.

Entering the club they greeted some familiar faces and they also kissed some on the cheek. Immediately Ally found her boyfriend and heads to him. Looking at the couple, the three of them couldn’t help but feel jealous because if Ally had one thing in this world that they would be jealous of, it was her boyfriend’s consistency to prove to Ally that he’ll always be her number 1 fan.

Lauren’s heart was still melting at the sight but a pair of arms wrapped around her waist shifted her attention and she didn’t even need to turn around to see who this person was. The mixture of weed and alcohol with a little bit of his favorite perfume and the signature kiss on the shoulder brought a smile to her face.

“What’s up pretty face?” She turned to look at her friends who nodded in understanding.

“Hey this is our twerk song c'mon.”

“You know I’m right wherever you are babe.”

“You sure those two aren’t lesbians?” He wrapped his arms around her tights and resting his chin on her shoulder.

She simply gave him an eyeroll which wasn’t obvious in his eyes. “They can be whatever they want them to be.” He should know by now she hates labels.

“Alright, no need to sweat. Come and meet the family babe.”

Her co-members had a very neutral reaction when she started seeing him. It started off as catching up with one another up until the rapper started showing his intentions and she, the one who tried to get things off of her mind accepted him and sooner she realized that he wasn’t much of an ass, well most of the time especially when he’s on his good side. When the girls heard it from her personally they didn’t acted too negatively. They just nodded their hands and hoped that she’d be happy and he would be responsible for it.

And she did in all honesty. It was so cute to see this adorable sight of him and being so close to family was one of the things that brought her into agreeing in dating this guy. He made her happy, he made her feel loved and cared and that she deserves these treatments. What did the management thought about it though? They thought to make a big deal out of it spreaidng rumors one after the other and now it blasted through the entire world and she wanted to say something about it. She wanted to say that there’s nothing serious between them right now and that they’re just testing the waters but just like how the management wanted her to act, she said nothing and kept her mouth quiet. And for this, he took the hint that they were in fact an item.

With his hands still around her waist she was introduced to probably half of the people inside the club which she would only probably memorize only 10 and she kept accepting drink after drink offered to her by his friends or his co-workers and family. She didn’t want to embarass him so being the good girlfriend that he wanted all of them to see, she was approachable and understanding.

Two hours later she finds herself getting full of the conversation. At first yeah she was liking how the flow of the conversation went but then onen of his friends made fun of women and it angered her. It angered her knowing that all of the guys agreed while they look at women like some piece of meat and how he invited some hookers in their table. Well, high-class hookers but nevertheless, she saw how much disrespect his friend showed to them and what angered her the most was he never said nothing about it. He just kept on flipping his long ass dreadlocks, laughing and agreeing to everything that comes from these low, imbecile people. She wanted to rant, but she also didn’t want to cause the scene. So like how her date wanted her to act, she excused herself politely and made her way towards the balcony.

Surprisingly, she sees her best friend there with heels on the other hand nd eyes up above. She normally sees the latter inside the club twerking her heart out or jamming to every song played by the DJ or drinking higher than her usual tolerance but she smiled at at the sight, slowly walked towards her. She just stopped right beside and neither of them said a thing. It was silent but it was a comfortable one and she felt thankful for that with their lifestyle, sometimes it’s hard to find solace.

“I like looking up at the stars sometimes. They’re so still it makes me feel that time stopped and if I focused enough, I could hear the busy street noises fading out and everything else. In times like this I feel that I am Normani. No awards under my name, no bullshit nor I am a member of a worldwide girl band, it’s just Normani… Normani Kordei Hamilton, the 20 year old girl from Houston.” She smiled still her eyes were on the sparkling tiny dots in the sky. “It’s worth the pain in the neck.”

Lauren smiled. “I think I like that too Mani.”

“But your eyes aren’t on the stars Laur, you keep looking at the moon.” She says. “It still reminds you of her isn’t it?”

Instead of giving an honest answer, Lauren built up her walls and shrugged. “Sometimes I guess.”

She should’ve known better that her bestfriend could see right through her. Still being the bestfriend that she is, she just shakes her head. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How do you look at her and tell the public otherwise?”

“Uh, it’s because the management told us that I should be the one who should be vocal about it. I had to maintain my image who didn’t take anybody’s bullshit about me while she had to remain the sweetheart that everyone wants her to be.”

“Does it hurt? Whenever you deny her?”

“More of like she’s the one hurting. She told me that my words were too realistic that it was hard to draw the line sometimes.” She answered. “She got used to it as the time passed by, what’s the purpose of indirects anyway.”

Normani nods her head. “I see.”

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows. She knew about the new set up of the management since they needed to spice things up, they thought it would be better if it was Normani and Dinah’s turn to be the one who everyone shipped. She was there when the management proposed the idea and she saw how comfortable the two were the idea, and they even banter about who was going to get jealous first and then laugh it off. It was nice to know that things weren’t awkward between them unlike when the management told her and the other one act to be an item to boost their popularity up.

But now looking at her bestfriend, she knew something was up and she was going to find out by the end of tonight.

“Mani you know-”

“I am just like you Laur.” She was confused by her friend’s statement. “I am a unicorn who fell in love with a dragon…” She trails off and looked at her with tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “And mother will never approve.”

Instantly she pushed forward the dark-skinned beauty inside her arms just how quickly Normani cried her eyes out. She sobbed and Lauren could feel her top getting wetter every second and how Normani poured her heart out tonight. She knows how painful it must be for the other girl to finally recognize her feelings to the person who’s inside probably dancing until she passes out with some guy she’d forget about the next day. Funny how Dinah couldn’t notice that she was breaking a heart of someone without her noticing it.

What she even finds funnier is that she couldn’t help but imagine that this was her years before when she was still here with them, and her crying figure wrapped around her bestfriend just like how she was hugging Normani now. Pathetic, she couldn’t hate Dinah even if she wanted to, she was Dinah years ago too.

“How can she call me babe and ask me to be fine with it? I mean did you see her tweet? When she called me her girl? Fuck, I fucking lost it or how she posted the screenshot and how she is in her normal way I knew I was a goner. I am a goner for her Laur.” She continued to cry.

“Shhh just let it all out.”

“I didn’t planned to be like this, man I never imagined because we always talked about boys and now it’s just- goddamnit now all I could think about is her, no matter how hard I try to fall for some guy, she would always creep my thoughts and managed to stir my feelings up.This was supposed to be just an act and now I find it very hard on what to believe…” She paused for a moment. “So tell me Laur, how do you do it? How do you get over these stupid feelings?”

“You never get over them Mani. You just let time pass you by and hope that tomorrow, it won’t hurt like today.” She said. “You just continue to hope babe and one day it’s gonna happen.”

“Thanks Laur, I really appreciate you being here and I don’t know if I would’ve bottled this entire one up.”

“Is this your first time coming out because-”

“My family knows and my mother expected it to happen sometimes soon. She kinda felt it when I brought Dinah for Christmas and then I went to celebrate New Year with hers.”

“Not even dating yet you celebrated the holidays together? I am offended!”

“Barbara on the other was a little in denial at first but she finally got over it. She even told me that if Dinah and I won’t be together by the end of this year she’ll disown me.”

Lauren chuckled. “Wow, talk about pressure huh?”

Normani laughed along too. “Yeah.”

After the laughter died, Lauren cleared up her throat. “You know what Mani? I actually regretted something this entire time.” Her best friend looked at her while waiting for her answer. “It was when I never told her that I love her, even when I knew I already did.”

“What are you talking about you guys say I love you to each other every time.”

“But she was the one who always initiated it, it was never me… I always said I love you ‘too’ and it probably made her feel that I was just agreeing with her, like I was just saying I love you because she loves me and now thinking about it, I should’ve said I love you to her more.” She fixes her friend’s hair. “So if she doesn’t know, then let her.”

Before Normani could answer, the door opened and it revealed Dinah looking at them with a non-expressive face and when she spotted the two Lauren could see the Polynesian girl wasn’t even trying to hide her frown and it was only then she saw their current position in. Normani probably noticed the position too as the DWTS star immediately created distance between them.

Lauren immediately chuckles mentally as she saw who’s the whipped one before the relationship could even start.

“What’s going on? Am I missing something?” Lauren wanted to laugh, Dinah was really the worst when it comes to hiding something.

“Oh nothing, we were just catching up.”

Dinah raised both of her eyebrows in amusement. “That’s some way of catching up.”

“You know how close Mani and I are DJ, it’s not like you’re not used to us being all so cutesy. She’s my Manibear after all. Ain’t that right BABE?” That earned her a playfully shove from her.

“Yeah I can see that now.” The Latina couldn’t hold it any longer so she lets out a laugh. “What’s so funny Laurenza?”

“Nothing, I just remembered I left him behind his egotistic friends and how he’s probably so pissed at me which means I should go. Great talk babe, we should do this more often. You guys are taking the Norminah shit way too real my heart can’t take it anymore.” She cooed.

Laurent left the two of them and she could hear her other member asking her why was she out here and how she noticed that she was crying and demanded for a reason why. She turned back to take a glimpse of them and she sees Dinah placing a kiss on Normani’s forehead and hugged her and by that she knows that it’ll only be a matter of time before they could admit their feelings for one another.

She really didn’t feel like going back inside the club as she feels that she was draining from the concert and so she gives him a quick message and continued walking on the streets just taking her time as her hotel was a walking distance from the club. She actually felt happy because people was just passing her by not harassing her or even demanding something from her and it’s not that she gets to experience this every single day. Normani was right, it felt nice to sometimes feel normal.

She stops as the pedestrian and waited for the signal so she could cross and get inside the hotel. While waiting, she remembered her member saying how she kept her eyes on the moon and tonight was no difference. Looking up, she saw the moon sharing its light down on her. She smiles and pulls out her phone tweeting-

Eyes on the moon

And she crosses the street, enters her hotel room and let the sleep take over her body.

How does Lauren Michelle Jauregui spend her Saturday Nights?

Well it’s either she’s home with the family, chilling out on their Miami home with boxes of pizza as their cheered on their favorite team on various sports or just screaming their hearts out for a movie marathon. She could also be on a plane towards another state or another country while trying to catch up with some jet lags or being notified on their schedule. She could also be at the recording studio messing around with words or melody or at her room with Leo on her side, a book on her hand and a cup of her favorite tea on her desk. Depends really…

But tonight she was doing neither because this Saturday night she’s killing her red dress and heels with his arms wrapped around her waist as they were bombarded with paparazzi when they were entering the club for he was invited by Pharell, who was celebrating his birthday tonight.

“You alright there?”

She takes a look at him. “Yeah sorry I dozed off for a minute were you saying something?”

“Is there something wrong? You know we could leave if you’re really not up for it.”

Now she feels guilty. “It’s not that, I just zoned out for a minute but I really want to be here with you. Also, I haven’t been out for a while so it’s nice to have some fun tonight.”

“Okay cool. Now let’s go find him I mean if we ever do cause this place is huge.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not really impossible not to find him. I only know a few people that could rock this type of hat.” She chuckles. “We’ll find him eventually but let’s just enjoy the night yeah?”

He smiled and kissed her forehead. “I like that.”

Lauren could also feel that there’s something wrong. You know the feeling that you know there’s something bound to happen but you just couldn’t describe what time of event would that be and although it’s at the end of your tongue and you really wanna say it you just couldn’t and it frustrates the shit out of you? Well that perfect describes Lauren’s feelings right now.

So when she wants to distract herself from thinking things she doesn’t even want to, she usually goes to places like these and enjoy the night out by being high or wasted or neither. She just wanted to have fun and basically that’s what they did tonight. The couple danced the night away while meeting with some friends. She even got to meet Halsey, a good friend of hers and both of them agreed on doing a song very soon.

After all the sweating, Lauren chilled out at the bar, grabbing a drink first and looking at the people. She smiled to herself as she was successful blocking certain things off of her mind. But reality bites like a bitch, especially to someone who has been trying to run away from it when Lauren felt everything slow down as her eyes landed on a certain brown-eyed girl who she hasn’t seen in a while.

“What the fuck?”

Lauren couldn’t describe the situation even better. She just didn’t see Camila Cabello for the first time in probably a long time but she sees Camila dancing with someone else and distance between them was hardly seen. The second thing that matched Lauren’s words was how close those two were and something inside of her stirred when she knew that the younger latina was dancing with another woman.

“Lauren I don’t understand, I thought we were-“

“We never were! We were just two people forced to act as if we were one because the fucking management wanted to spice things up!”

“I know you’re scared because there’s Lucy and-“

“Damn right I’m scared! Fuck why do you have to come in and ruined everything!?”

“It wasn’t my fucking fault when the two of you didn’t grow up some balls to fix things!”

“No fuck you. We’re done and-“

“You don’t mean that! You always say that but you always end up coming back to me!”

“No this time I’m done, whatever this is, is done, I am growing up some balls and fix things with my girlfriend. So fuck off, fuck your feelings and good bye Camila. It’s better if you would’ve left.”

Lauren tries to shake off the memory that hit her like a bitch. Her mind was immediately brought back when the song changed into I Got You and her eyes immediately landed on those two figures who were dancing intimately. She hated the fact that this woman sang the lyrics I can see you hurting, I’ve been through the same thing baby don’t you worry I got you.

Who the fuck she think she is? And why does she smiles at her as she leans onto her more? This is fucking bullshit! And why the hell am I seeing this now? There were a lot of questions that were going through her mind but she never wanted to know the answers. She swallowed her drink in one go while dialing a number and waiting for the other person to pick up the phone.

“What’s up Lauser?”

“Dinah do you know something that I don’t?”

“Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout girl? Mani I swear to God give me my fucking pizza back or I’mma poly beat down your ass.”

“Dinah focus! Do you know something that I don’t?” She said sternly this time.

“How am I suppose to know when you keep talking to me-“

“Do you know that Camila’s seeing someone right now?” The person on the other line went silent and she groaned. “Dinah just answer my fucking question!”

“Yes I know and I don’t know how the hell did you found out but you weren’t supposed to.”

“I wasn’t supposed to? The fuck does that mean?” And then she could hear the two conversing on the other phone and something clicked inside her. “Does Mani know? Does Ally know too?”

“Look Laur-“

“Wow, so much for trying to keep me up with everything.” She immediately hanged up and ordered another shot while the bartender looked at her weirdly. “Well? Are you going to grab my drink or not?”

“Y-y-yeah. I’ll be back.” She sighed, she didn’t mean to snap at the poor guy.

Pharell immediately got up on the stage and people cheered for him and they sang the happy birthday song altogether. He said thanks to all the people who were here tonight and he expressed his gratitude and said the most cliché lines which was- drinks is on me! As the crowd laughed and Lauren would’ve laughed too but she was just beyond pissed. From afar she could see Camila picking up her phone and she saw how the younger one tensed up and began searching throughout the entire bar.

And after what felt like an eternity, a pair of chocolate-brown eyes finally looked at the pair of eyes which had bright emerald in color. It brought back so many memories to both of them. Back then, they liked talking to one another through their eyes and some videos have become proof of it and right now, Camila was telling Lauren to follow her out of the club and being the Lauren who wanted immediate answers, she gave the other one a small nod before seeing her whispering something at the person who danced a while ago with her woman before giving Camila a small nod and turning back her attention towards the music. My woman? Pathetic. Lauren mumbles to herself as she follows the Cuban out on the club towards the underground exit and there was this big guy who nodded at Camila and opened the door of an SUV before leaving them there. This was it-

Tonight will be the night where all of Lauren’s questions will be answered, by hook, or by crook.

She enters the SUV and then she was met by silence. It was so silent that you could hear the air condition making sound and it the physical movements like shifting sitting positions, licking of the lips, the playing of the nails and two bodies breathing so cautiously. Lauren felt Camila was looking at her and hearing the latter one sigh, she knew that the other one would be starting the conversation.

“I’m sorry you had to find it out that way.”

Lauren scoffed, “As if I was ever going to find it out… As if someone will eventually tell me what’s going on because clearly, you were stopping them.”

“I wasn’t and I just told them that there’s no need for you to find it because it’s not like you would care anyways. You have your own life, I’ve got mine.”

“You’ve kept them updated so I couldn’t see why you couldn’t update me as well.” Lauren defends. “You’re right, I don’t give a shit so why hide? You think I would be so damn jealous of your new thing?”

“Why? Aren’t you being jealous right now? ‘Cause if you really weren’t, you wouldn’t call Dinah and if you don’t give a shit, then don’t look at me that way.” Camila says sternly.

“How am I looking at you now then?” She challenges.

“You’re looking at me as if you give a shit.” That caught Lauren off guard. “You’re looking at me as if it hurts you to see me be with someone else. You’re looking at me as if I am still yours when clearly you told me months ago I was never yours and you were never mine, that we were just used by the management to spice things up and that I was the one to blame because I stepped in your life and things got fucking messed up.”

“Stop going back to the past, it all means nothing to me now.”

“Well then you can get the hell out of my car, we’re done here. I’ve done my part explaining.”

“FINE!”

Camila couldn’t take it anymore so she just made her way outside the car and back at the club when she hear Lauren say- “What does she have anyway? Who the fuck she think she is to dance so intimately with you? Fuck her! She shouldn’t be-“

“No fuck you! She can dance with me whatever way she wants because someone I really care about and I want to actually be happy this time!”

“What the hell are you talking about!? Weren’t you happy!?”

“NO!” She bursts out. “I wasn’t happy because you took it from me!” She walks back to the older Latina. “I used to be so happy in your arms, made me feel like everything is real, that we were real, that what you’re feeling for me was real until you fucking destroyed it all for me when you chose her over me. When you chose HIM over ME.”

“So this is what it’s all about huh?” Lauren paused. “You want revenge on me on what I’ve done to you years ago?”

Camila stared at her with great disbelief. “Are you even for real now? I just told you, I want to be happy this time around and that’s me putting my happiness in my own hands because when I placed my heart in yours you fucking squeezed the life out of it. Not everything about my life is about you Lauren, not anymore because I actually realize that I need to put myself first.”

“You put yourself first way too much because you fucking left the group who was with you through thick and thin for 5 years.”

“You’re impossible to talk.” She shakes her head. “I am not doing this with you and your mindset right now.” She started walking away again.

“Yeah go ahead Camila, fucking run. That’s you alright, you fucking run away when you know you’re about to lose and when you’re too afraid to admit something!” She chases Camila and grabs her by her arm. “You’re running away from me because you know deep down, it’s still me you’re in love with.”

She removes herself from Lauren’s grasp. “Yes, I am running away from you. I am running away from you because I know if I stayed I would let your words get to me and if I stayed I would be the same 15-year old Camila Cabello who, no matter how hard she fucking tries, she always find herself loving the 21-year old Lauren Jauregui just like how she loved her when she was 20, 19, 18 and even for the very first time we met. I am running away because I cam choosing myself, because I am so done to be continuously be broken by you.” She already has tears in her eyes but still she continued with her talk. “I am running away from you because I am done staying in your life like I was okay with everything. You know how I felt for you then, EVERYONE knew how much I love you and yet you kept coming back to her and when she breaks you, I let myself break for you just to see you smile again. I let you be in my arms tonight only to find you back in hers the next morning and I have to act like everything’s okay. Well a little heads up, it’s not and I am never going to be okay with the fact that we didn’t even got the chance to be together because you were too scared to realize the fact that everyday you’re with me, you find yourself falling out of love for her.”

“That is non-sense!” Lauren defends. “I love Lucy, you and I both know that, which is why I chose her over you.”

“Oh yeah? So why did you guys decided to stay friends then? If you were so sure about her, then why would you always push me away every time we would talk about what we are?! You keep running back to her because she was safe. You chose her over me because you know for a fact that she won’t hurt you like I will and you keep on choosing her over because you’re a fucking coward and this is the same reason why you chose him over me because up until now Lauren, you’re the only one running away from the truth that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, and whoever you’re with now, it’s still me- Camilla Cabello that you’re still in love with.”

Lauren can’t even formulate a proper sentence nor a word for the speech that came out from Camila’s mouth. For sure she already knew that this conversation was going to get heated but she never expected for Camila to not hold back anymore and lay all her feelings there out on the field. She looked over her and she saw how she was panting, tears flowing in her eyes and all she could see in those brown orbs were pain and sadness. Lauren backed away her stare and looked on the ground and remained silent.

Camila sniffed and wiped her tears before composing herself. She started walking towards back to the club when she stopped and Lauren waited for her to say something.

“I have a song about us and I hope you can listen to it one day.” She says. “And when you do, I hope it hits you like a fucking train just so you can understand the half of the pain that I was going through.”

So this is the first one or the other half of the chapter. I’ll release the other half tomorrow. Let me know on how you think about this one! This is my first time writing about Camren so please be gentle lol, bye see u tomorrow :)

#camren #lauren jauregui #camila cabello #ththtl #oneshot

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captainmazzic · 7 years

Text

The Ahsoka Novel Review, or, Goddamnit Star Wars, Part CXXVIII

Under a cut because this thing is long as fuuuuuck

...Okay. That was... Interesting.

I’m just going to ignore the first part where the author pretends to make Ahsoka have some sort of compassion-sympathy for Maul while taunting him and throwing his disability in his face at the same time. Was there even any point to having this little exchange? It’s not mentioned later, Maul has no bearing at all on this plot, and nothing Ahsoka does here is relevant even as a learning experience for later. It’s just... there. Token inclusion to draw in the Maul fans, I guess? Or.. alienate them yet again, I don’t even know.

This is how it starts. *laughing*. It gets so much worse. And... has a few moments where it shines, I admit. Anyway. Let’s get this party started.

So pretty much we follow Ahsoka around for a few years while she mopes about not being an Official Jedi™ and develops a major martyr obsession. Coming from Ahsoka’s mouth, it just seems so out of place, incongruent, and it gets old real fast. She regrets leaving the Jedi Order before Order 66 happens, she wishes she hadn’t survived while the rest of the Jedi died, she wonders why she lived when she didn’t “deserve” to because she “deserted” the Jedi, etc. etc. ETC. I am so sick of Heroic Characters™ with survivors’ complexes that don’t even fit their fucking character. We need another one of those like we need another vampire bemoaning immortality as a curse, or a burning stick to the eye. I’d rather take the burning stick. Ugh.

Anyway. When Ahsoka isn’t being that particular brand of OOC, she’s being a mouthpiece for... something. Someone. I’m honestly not sure who. Or why. But she says stuff that makes no sense for someone like Ahsoka to say, and you get the impression that she says it just so that the author can have these things out in the open. That whole making the crystal bleed? We won’t get started on that just yet. But yeah. What. The. Fuck. And she says stuff about Barriss being.. a... bully? Did I fucking read that right? Like I mean she says some things about Barriss that are accurate (it was cruel for her to try and let Ahsoka take the fall for the temple bombing, she didn’t trust people, and she was afraid of the war), but I’m not sure where she was ever a bully? Oh wait I guess that’s just the book being badly written.

And oh my god. Let me just. Excerpt a few… unfortunate word choices:

“The mechanisms put in place during the Clone Wars had been twisted for the Empire's use, and every day the Emperor’s hold grew tighter. She almost admired Palpatine for his ability to pull off a long-term plan – except for his being evil and all."

About the Grand Inquisitor:

“His agents must follow his every order as though the Emperor himself had given it. That sort of power made him feel very strong.”

Also about the Grand Inque:

“As he stalked through the corridor, his agents scattered out of his way. They were all afraid of him, which he liked rather a lot.”

And my personal favourite cringe-worthy writing:

“Dark crystals were made, too, but not in that holy place. They were plundered from their rightful bearers and corrupted by the hands that stole them. Even rock could be changed by the power of the Force, bleeding alterations until their color was the deepest red. The balance was finely staged between the two, light and dark, and it took very little to upset it.”

...What in the flying freebasing FUCK does “bleeding alterations” even fucking MEAN? What balance? Why is it staged? Why, if there is supposed to be a “balance” in the Force inside these bits of mineral, are they supposedly inherently “light”? Why are the Jedi their only “rightful bearers” (I mean, other than the Jedi arbitrarily laying sovereign claim to anything Force-related they set eyes on, whether meant for them or not)?

Oh, well let’s see here. Ahsoka is here to help.

"I've never seen white ones before," Bail mused.

"They used to be red," Ahsoka said. "When the creature had them, they were red. But I heard them before I ever saw him on Raada, and knew that they were meant for me."

"You changed their nature?" he asked.

"I restored them," Ahsoka replied. "I freed them. The red crystals were corrupted by the dark side when those who wielded them bent them to their will. They call it making the crystal bleed. That's why the blade is red."

Okay so basically Ahsoka met an Inquisitor (whom she, persistently, ever so kindly calls a “creature”, more on that in a minute), killed him, stole and destroyed his lightsabers, then ripped the crystals out of them and put them in her own shiny new lightsaber hilts she just made. They apparently faded from bright red to colourless. (Which, honestly, to me, in my ever so humble opinion, interprets as “I just killed everything unique and vibrant about these crystals and drained them of all individuality, just like the Jedi do to people when they ‘free’ them :D :D :D”. But I mean. That’s just me.) This crystal bleeding is fucking Jedi folklore superstition. It’s stupid. It’s even stupider than the old “synthetic crystals are unnatural so of COURSE the Sith use them, m’kay” canon.

I’m just. So annoyed. So very annoyed.

So anyway. Ahsoka killed an Inquisitor, the Sixth Brother. She and a little girl sense him as a shadow at first - “The shadow was almost certainly one of the dark side's creatures. Ahsoka had no idea what sort of thing it might be, but whatever it was...” And that’s that. He’s “the creature” for the rest of the time he’s referred to. Seems like she hung around Kenobi way too fucking much, his style of Jedi seems to have rubbed off on her. Sigh.

But then she protests.

"I'm not really a Jedi, you know," she said. "I left the Temple, turned away from the Jedi path."

"If you're not a Jedi, then what are you, Ahsoka Tano?" Bail asked. "Because to be honest, you still sound and act like a Jedi to me."

OF COURSE SHE DOES. SHE IS A GODDAMN JEDI. A ~Grey Jedi~ is still a fucking JEDI OH EM FUCKING GEE. They’re Jedi Lite. Half the calories, most of the judgment, twice the taste, all the guilt! Goddamnit Star Wars. You’re not fooling anyone. Stop trying.

Moving on.

So then we have the Unresolved Sexual Tension between Ahsoka and Kaeden. Which largely means… Unrequited Feels on Kaeden’s part and… nothing else.

"Ahsoka!" Kaeden ran toward her, but stopped short of throwing her good arm around Ahsoka's shoulder. She knew that lightsabers were not to be trifled with. She could almost feel the power pouring out of Ahsoka anyway. It was amazing. "I could kiss you."

Ahsoka stopped in her tracks. The look she shot Kaeden was mildly confused.

"Not now, I mean," Kaeden said. She wanted to laugh for the first time in weeks but thought that might just be the hysteria setting in. "My timing is terrible and you have all those Jedi hang-ups. I just wanted you to know in case we die."

"Oh," said Ahsoka. "Well, thanks."

….. Oh. Well, thanks.

*beats head against wall* WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU, STAR WARS, TO HAVE GIVEN US JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. I mean, I’m all about canonical asexual and/or aromantic Ahsoka, that would have been fucking rad, but they’ve already given us the fiasco that was goddamn LUX BONTERI, so The Powers That Be already canonically ruined that for me. Bi or Pan or Lesbian Ahsoka would have been really awesome too. Just… anything but Clueless Insensitive Straight Ahsoka for canon, please. PLEASE. We have enough of those characters already. Ahsoka doesn’t need to be one of them. Just my opinion though. Of course. *sigh*

...And then we have a brief, very out-of-place flashback from Anakin’s POV, that actually has zERO to do with anYTHINg, but it’s heartbreaking nonetheless because it’s just before Ahsoka is introduced and Anakin is still thinking that Ahsoka is going to be Kenobi’s apprentice.

"Anakin wasn't entirely sure what his place next to Obi-Wan would look like once his friend had a new student. Jedi weren't as married to the concept of two as the Sith were, but most of them acted singly or in pairs. It was one of the reasons Anakin had never put in for a Padawan of his own. He didn't want it to look like he was pushing Obi-Wan aside. Now, Obi-Wan had gone and done it first, and Anakin still wasn't sure how he felt about it."

He didn’t want Kenobi to feel sidelined. I’m. Just. Goddamnit Star Wars don’t give me Obikin feels when we already know Kenobi turns into the most asinine, horrible person in all the Jedi next to, maybe, Yoda.

Anyway. Let’s move on again.

Oh yeah. So there’s Kolvin. He’s a Rodian.

….. Now, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it very often, but one of the things I fixate on in Star Wars is the frequency of Rodian deaths. Almost all of the named (and a bunch of the unnamed) Rodians we meet end up getting killed. A good majority of them on-screen or in-story. Rodians are one of my favourite species in the entirety of Star Wars and it really upsets me that the greater majority of the ones we meet get axed quickly after we’re first introduced to them. And Kolvin’s no exception. We are pretty much introduced to him solely for the sake of watching him die, graphically, a chapter or two later. I’m just… furious beyond being capable of physically showing it. It’s exhausting.

And I think my final criticism of the book is the entire story behind the Empire even being on Raada in the first place. It’s such a fabricated, “Oh I guess we need a reason to fuck up Ahsoka’s life again via the Empire” kind of plot. It makes LITERALLY ZERO LOGICAL SENSE, even if I stretch real hard and invoke believing at least six impossible things before breakfast. There is NO reason why these genetically engineered plants would be useful. The Empire would not go through all this trouble to search for productive agricultural worlds only to use them once (ONCE??) and then give it up as a barren wasteland after first use. That is so unproductive, unprofitable, and inefficient. Why would they do that, and then leave the farmers to try and scrape by after that? Such a waste of resources. We already have PLENTY of examples of what the Empire does with agricultural worlds. Ones that MAKE SENSE. They come in, set up their infrastructure, heavily regulate work schedules, and implement their own ideas about what needs to be grown. And guess what? It’s stuff that they can plant indefinitely, because that keeps the population working under tight, regulated control. It keeps them in a routine that is hard to break. It keeps them busy, it keeps them tired, it keeps them distracted. It maintains a level of familiarity that’s just close enough to normalcy that they will be hesitant to do anything to break it. These are useful things to the Empire. VITAL things.

Instead we get a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon where the Empire sweeps in, destroys everything, cackles maniacally, knocks over your sandcastle, and kicks the puppy on the way out. Why is it so fucking hard for these hired writers to come up with a good villainous reason for the villains to be villainous? Honestly they have material RIGHT THERE. USE IT. For fuck’s sake.

Okay but with all this criticism there were a couple highlights.

There was a Black Sun agent. They didn’t last too terribly long as a part of the story, but they’re referred to only with they/them pronouns for the entire time they’re around, and that. Pleased me. Greatly. And there wasn’t even some concentrated effort to “find out their gender” or idle speculation or some other stupid bullshit. It was very much a non-issue, and that also pleased me. Good job. Gold star.

And despite the fact that Ahsoka had a lot of damning things to say about Barriss, she had this to say as well:

“She had a point about the Republic and the Jedi. There was something wrong with them, and we were too locked into our traditions to see what it was… If we'd listened to her – really listened – we might have been able to stop Palpatine before he took power."

In the text, that statement is surrounded with too many disclaimers and defensive finger-pointing for me to be entirely happy with it, but it’s something, and I’m glad Ahsoka was the one the writers allowed to say it.

I really liked it when we had some glimpses of Ahsoka’s actual questioning nature whenever the story got in her head. It didn’t happen very often at all, most of the time she’s just developing her martyr fixation or bemoaning her existence, but every now and again we get a tiny peek of the Ahsoka that captured my heart towards the end of The Clone Wars, walking away from the Jedi temple and saying that she needed to figure things out on her own, without the Jedi, without Anakin, without the crutches and restrictions that the Order held her down with. If only we’d gotten more of that Ahsoka throughout the book, it could have made the story shine.

#sarc speaks #sarc speaks a LOT #sarc has opinions #the rodian always dies #tl;dr #ahsoka critical #jedi critical #ahsoka novel #star wars meta #kinda #book review

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