#like leave the fat kids alone
so i gotta say fam
yesterday i watched that chocolate factory movie and i know understand why people wanted to fuck that silly willy man. dude had been on screen for like 2 secs i could already diagnose him
also i didnt know johny depp had that face, he did a fuckin excellent acting job seriously
sometimes I really question why I came home
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Someone pointed this out in my discord server
And I am going to say it here as well.
But there is a bias in the South Park fandom when it comes to child abuse.
I am going to list the kid characters and how the fandom responds to their abuse:
Stan- "PROTECC THE BEAN FROM THE MONSTERS!!"
Shelly- "NO, LEAVE STAN ALONE, HE MUST BE PROTECTED AND YOU ARE A BITCH AND MUST DIEEEE"
Butters- "PROTECT THE INNOCENT BEAN FROM MONSTERS: OVERRATED EDITION"
Cartman- "how dare you to abuse your mom like that?!?! SHE IS A HOT MILF, YOU CONTROLLING MANIPULATIVE FUCKING FAT PIECE OF SHIT!!"
Kyle- "no, his parents are THE BEST!! CARTMAN HOWEVER IS AN ABUSIVE PILE OF SHIT, EVEN THO THEY ARE ENEMIES AND KYLE IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD, WE SHALL IGNORE THAT, CARTMAN IS A REAL ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT"
Ike- "nah, he is fine.. KICK THE BABY :D"
Tweek- "MUST PROTECC, HE MUST BE WITH THE CRAIG!!!!"
Craig- "he is a dick and it has nothing to do with his parents haha, he a strong man!"
Clyde- "nah he is fine"
Kenny- "he Mysterion, he can handle that, haha he can't die so"
Karen- "poor bean.. KENNY WILL PROTECT HER THO!"
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I’m 6 years old and crying because I want to go home. I’m a quiet kid and it’s hard for me to make friends. There’s a lot of yelling at home. I flinch when kids raise their voices at me. I don’t look my teacher in her eyes.
I’m 8 years old and I’m sitting on my bed reading a book. There are stuffed animals all around me. I see my dad making funny faces at me through the crack in my door. It’s a warm night and I hear crickets chirping outside. I feel safe for a moment.
I’m 9 years old and he comes home drunk. I’m sleeping on the couch because for some reason I can’t handle being alone most nights. I’m hoping he comes over to me but instead he heads to his room. He starts fighting with my mom and then hits her. She’s crying softly. The yelling stops and I fall asleep because what else am I supposed to do?
I’m 12 years old and grandma dies. My dad loses his mom. We don’t see him for weeks. He comes home finally, but he’s drunk. He hits my mom, breaking her eardrum. She tells him to leave and never come back. He doesn’t say goodbye.
I’m 13 years old and my mom gives him my new cell phone number. I have all of this anger and no where to put it down. I tell him I hate him and will never forgive him when he calls. This weighs on me but I don’t want to make amends.
I’m 14 years old and the world has led me back to him. He takes me to get my haircut and tries to make small talk but we just don’t know each other anymore. I ask him to drop me off down the street from my school so no one sees me get off of a motorcycle. I didn’t want anyone to ask questions. I was taught to avoid attention.
I’m 15 years old and shaking. I have scratches on my back and a fat lower lip. I never want to see him again. The hurt in me swells up to my throat and I can’t breathe.
I’m 17 years old and he shows up to my graduation. He’s wearing sunglasses. He tells me he is proud of me and misses me. For a moment I miss him too. I think of the scratches.
I’m 22 years old and tired of fighting it. He texts and calls and finally I work up the courage to talk to him. I tell him I love him still, because how can I not?
I’m 23 years old and we talk on the phone 2-3 times a week. He apologizes a lot and I tell him to stop. I feel like I have forgiven him, my dad. I want to let go and I do. It gets easier and the days get brighter. I make friends. I feel safe.
I’m 24 years old and I find out my dad is sick. I visit him and he doesn’t look like himself anymore.
I’m 25 years old and my dad is dying. My dad is dying. I think to myself, if this happened a few years back it would have hurt less. It would have hurt less.
I’m 25 years old and my dad is gone. My dad is gone and I don’t feel safe. I remember easy days of laughing and loving with my whole heart and feeling that love back. That love was torn away from me with claw marks on it. I don’t feel safe.
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How many sleeping pills is too many? I just took the whole bottle of 3 months worth.
First reason. Dad, you don’t love me. You left me to struggle when I couldn’t afford school, food, rent. All that. I cant. I can’t keep explaining. I have no time left. You know what you did. You cut me out of your life because I was worried about you after you said you were going to propose after 3 months of being with this new woman. You weren’t even divorced from mom yet . You hated her, and acted like it was all her fault. It was both.
Mom. You kicked me out in the middle of covid. I had nowhere to go. I was homeless. I still am. You knew I was switching over meds. You still assaulted me for lighting incense and then kicked me out. You made it known I was fat: you made me feel like less because I’m a girl. You told me and my therapist. You cut me off from therapy when she told you it was wrong to hit me. You are a huge reason
You made me feel like shit. I told you when your bf punched the walls, smoked in the house, asked me to make him food. He told me he would use me as an escape to break up with you. He told me he would use me as a scape goat and not help.
He knew what happened. And yet he didn’t care. But how could I expect him to care? He doesn’t care about his own kids. He told me he buys them off so they leave him alone. He told me he’ll spend all he can on their bills for the phone, wifi, whatever, as long as they leave him alone. He told me he had guns hiding around his apartment.
Patrick. You’re a sheep. You never defended me. You knew I needed you. You knew mom hit me first and you still defended her. You never check on me. But when you neede me I was there for you. I defended you. When your cats died I told you it wasn’t your fault. Even though they died because you and Ashley abandoned them. You guys left the first cat alone for a week with a bowl full of food. Nobody checked on him: then you left your second cat with someone you didn’t even trust. He starved to death. You never check on him. But you blamed everyone else but yourself. It’s your fault. You did to me, what you did to the cat.
The London police. I called you when I was assaulted. You never came. I called you when my boyfriend was assaulted and you still never came. The way you work is backwards.
Mr and mrs Simmons. You guys are a reason hands down. You guys deserve to rot in hell. I hope you die a slow, painful death, as you deserve. Debbie, you knew your partner was hitting your kids and you never protected them. Then as they got older, you guys found ways to manipulate ￼Colin. You stole his dog from him. You continued to assault him. You threatened him and said he will be dead before the cops can come help. And here we are. I called the cops and Colin still protected you, even though Chris, you just punched him in the jaw. You deserve to die. You’re hand down the worst people I have ever met. I love a lot of people, almost everyone”. But no you. You guys are the worst people I have ever met.
CRB, EI, social assistance , all those people involved with that. You guys are to blame too. I reached out to our government asking for help. Because I can’t afford to live. You made it impossible to decisive help. The boy Corin helped me.
Mom sorry Jessica. I’m sorry Colin.I’m sorry cesia, Emily. Mike and danika. I’m sorry I couldn’t sti k afound. I’m sorry uncle Paul. You deserve better. You all do. Can’t keep writing.
I’m going to pass out
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Whatever You Need (Eda and Luz)
A/N: a little vent fic I made a while back cause emetophobia sucks ass lol enjoy
Luz always got quiet at the dinner table. She tried to eat at least a few bites, she really tried, but whenever her throat closed up for even a split second, that’s when she stopped. That's when the fear came creeping back into her mind like a big fat spider crawling into the depths of her brain. She couldn't just pull it out and get rid of it whenever she wanted to. It was there, and it was there to stay.
Luz never dared to eat any more than she needed to. One wrong move and her greatest fear would come true. It was the worst feeling in the world knowing that the thing she was scared of the most could happen so easily. It could happen at any given time without warning, and Luz hated the thought of it. She wanted the crushing fear to go away forever. She wanted it to stop, and most of all, she wanted to eat normally again without that icky feeling in her stomach.
“You feeling okay, kiddo?” Eda pitched in after a long and painful silence had fallen over the dinner table. Luz looked up from her plate, her hands folded in her lap and one of her legs bouncing up and down in her chair.
“Um… yeah, I’m good, I’m just… not that hungry right now…” Luz shrugged nervously. She wanted to leave. She needed to be alone, but she didn’t want everyone in the house to think that she was starving herself. Luz was just scared of what might happen after eating something. Anything.
“Hey, it’s okay, kid. If you wanna head up to your room, I can take care of everything.” Eda offered. Luz wasted no time, quickly getting up from her chair, thanking Eda, and making her way for the stairs up to her room. And sure enough, she was already feeling better.
As Eda watched Luz leave the kitchen, she sighed and turned to Lilith, who was listening in on the short conversation while picking away at her dinner like a bird. She placed her fork down and looked up at Eda.
“I’m worried about her, Edalyn. She’s been avoiding dinner for a couple of weeks now…” Eda shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows in concerned agreement.
“I’m worried too…” Eda got up from her chair, picking up Luz’s untouched empty plate and just staring at it.
“I really think you should talk to her,” Lilith mentioned as she just finished her dinner, getting up and taking her dishes with her. Eda nodded slightly.
“Yeah… I just don’t wanna pry information out of the kid, y’know?... this kind of stuff is risky.” Lilith agreed silently, picking up King’s empty dish and heading for the sink.
“Luz trusts you, Edalyn. I’ve seen it. She knows you’re just looking out for her, and I’m sure the words will just come right out of you.”
Eda leaned her back against the sink. She still held Luz’s plate in her hands with a strong grip that softened when she felt Lilith gently take the plate from her with a reassuring look in her eyes.
“Hey, I’ll take care of these, you can go talk to her, okay? She needs someone she trusts right now more than ever.”
Eda nodded, making her way towards Luz’s room. It felt like the longest walk of her life, but once she made it to the door, she gently knocked, resulting in a soft voice from inside the room.
“Hey, kid, it’s Eda… mind if I come in?...” Luz thought for a moment before replying.
“Sure.” Eda was almost relieved as she opened the door to find Luz laying down on her sleeping bag, fiddling with one of her tangly fidget toys as she looked over at Eda, who sat down comfortably next to Luz.
“You, um... you feeling alright lately, kiddo?... you haven’t been eating much, and… you just overall seem more anxious. I’m worried about you…” Eda wasn’t sure what else to say. She had never been great with these types of conversations, and it was hard for her to outwardly express what she was feeling. Luz held her tangle fidget in her hands as she sighed. How was she going to explain this?
“I just… I don’t know, I’m just… I’m anxious about… you know, um…” Luz felt her voice start to shake. Why was she so shaky? She felt Eda gently grab her arm in support as she took a deep breath.
“I’m… deathly terrified of throwing up. Like really bad, and it’s causing me to… not eat as much. I-I mean, it’s not like I want to starve myself, I would love to be able to eat normally again, I just… my brain goes to the idea of throwing up, and then it’s over.” Luz explained as Eda nodded in understanding. She was relieved that the kid wasn’t starving herself on purpose, but this was also just as concerning.
“So it’s like emetophobia?” Eda asked. Luz’s eyes lit up as she nodded. She was so happy that Eda knew the right term for what she was dealing with.
“Yeah, I’m all too familiar with that term…” Eda looked to the side and chuckled.
“What do you mean? Do you have it too?”
“Well, no, but Lilith struggled with it pretty bad when she was around your age. Poor girl wouldn’t eat anything but crackers and water for a solid month, she had panic attacks almost every day for a while... whew, it was rough… and it sucked cause I couldn’t do much of anything about it…” Eda trailed off, looking back over at Luz, who was looking down at her tangle fidget and moving it around in her hands.
“I’m sorry…” Luz muttered. Eda moved the girl’s hair away from her face and chuckled.
“Hey, don’t be sorry for that, kiddo. You can’t help what you feel, and I know how hard it was on Lilith. I just want you to know I’m here for you, okay? Whatever you need.” Eda smiled as Luz nodded, taking the older woman’s cold and slender hand into her short and warm one.
“Thank you, Eda… really, that means a lot.” There was a bit of silence as Eda continued to hold Luz’s hand, rubbing her thumb across the back. Luz decided that now was the time to vent since it was all out in the open.
“It’s just… I wish I had my normal life back, you know? I wanna be able to eat and live regularly like I used to, and it was all just… taken from me… I hate feeling this way, Eda. I hate it so much…”
Luz’s voice began to shake again as tears started to form. Eda’s heart shattered for the poor girl. She must have felt so horrible, and she wished with everything she had that she could just poof Luz’s problems away. But even with magic, she couldn’t do that.
“I don’t wanna live this way anymore… I’m tired, Eda… I’m so tired.” Luz’s tears started to fall as Eda reached out to comfort her.
“Hey, hey, come here...” Eda encouraged as Luz lazily wrapped her arms around the older woman. She had no energy to cry, the tears just fell as Eda stroked her short hair with her fingers.
“I know it’s hard, kiddo, but you’ve got me, alright? I’m gonna do what I can to help.” Eda continued to comfort Luz. The girl just nodded, closing her eyes as she nuzzled into Eda’s chest.
“I just need to hear your heartbeat,” Luz muttered. The older woman smiled and nodded as she continued to hold Luz, kissing the top of her head.
“Whatever you need.”
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Summary: Would you go back? Would you leave him?
It was quiet, for once. And you were alone.
Sitting in the doorway of the wide barn, you could still feel the slow throbbing of the huge factory beneath through the ground. As if something gigantic was slowly inhaling and exhaling deep below. If you would have focused more, you might have heard the of tapping knocks, crackles, and rhythmic clicks as the plethora of machines did their thing ceaselessly.
The noise of the place has seeped into your very being. You didn’t really think you’d get used to the place so soon
You pulled your black coat closer to yourself while you watched the storm. The rain fed the puddles with fat drops. The drops fell into the water, creating big bubbles on their surface. It will rain for quite some time. At least that's what your parents always said. By now, it seemed like a memory from a different life.
The wind rose and you took a deep breath. The sound of approaching footsteps mixed with the monotonous thumping filtering from the factory and the raindrops on the roof.
"Finally found you." Heisenberg stopped, then sat down next to you without question. "God damn it." This wasn't address to anyone, or more like it was addressed to everyone. A huge sigh escaped him and you two sat like that next to each other for a while.
"How was the family-meeting?" You glanced at the man. Even with his glasses on, you knew he rolled his eyes.
"I told you not to call it that." He pulled out a cigar from the depths of his coat and lit it expertly. "Bunch of freaks gathering so they can worship the mother." He almost spitted the last word.
You watched from the corner of your eyes as he slowly blew out a cloud of smoke, your gaze lingered on his lips for a few moments.
"The Dimitrescu daughters said hi..." Heisenberg grimaced and took a deep breath from the cigar. "They annoyed me until I promised I will relay this to you. So there." He pointed theatrically at himself and then bowed his head a little. "Now, no one can say I don't keep my word. God damn, annoying bugs."
A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and at the same time as a pleasant warmth feeling spread through your chest. So the three of them haven’t forgotten about you, they even think of you time to time. "Thank you, it's very kind of you."
"I know." He grinned slightly. However, his smile didn’t last long when he looked at you. "I still have a hard time believing how long you managed to put up with them." His voice was unusually serious.
"I think they think the same thing about you now."
Heisenberg snorted. "Smartass."
"Thank you." You pushed him softly with your shoulder then you ran your eyes through the landscape behind the pouring rain.
It's been half a year since you got here.
You and Lady Dimitrescu still haven't talked yet, but you thought it was for the best. The Lady could be very convincing, sometimes intimidating and you were afraid you couldn’t have said no if you found yourself facing her again. She could be scary, but the same was true for Lord Heisenberg. You secretly hoped that the difference was that, while Lady Dimitrescu would have been able to hurt you, it would not be true of the man sitting next to you.
As you thought in silence, Heisenberg also found himself sinking in his thoughts. He would never have admitted it, but in a strange way he was able to calm down now. Somehow, everything seemed more peaceful when he was with you, or even just around you. At times like these even his anger subsided. He rolled the pressed cigar slowly between his fingers and tried to lengthen this moment as much as he could. Nevertheless, he was never a patient man.
"You…don't want to go back to them?"
"Hm?" You asked glancing at him.
The man didn't look at you.
"Alcina looked less mad than sad when her kids asked how are you doing. Maybe she would-" he stopped when his gaze met your eyes. He didn't tell the whole truth; he couldn't get himself to do it. How his so called sister stopped him before they returned home.
'You should give them back.' Lady Dimitrescu raised her voice, which almost trembled with emotion.
'Give them back?' He, on the other hand, wouldn't even tried to hide his annoyance. 'What are ya talking about? (Y/N) perfectly fine with me. Besides, if I remember correctly you were the one, who threw them out.'
His sister rolled her eyes. 'Oh, please. Maybe I've made a mistake. But-'
'No,' Heisenberg snarled. 'It was not just a mistake! You have no fucking idea how much you hurt (Y/N), but I'm not going to let you do it again!'
'They are mine!' Her voice became more filled with darkness with every word 'You don't know anything about them!' As always she stepped closer towering over him, trying to intimidate by her size. 'They are mine! You don't know anything about them!'
However, Heisenberg couldn’t care less, and was getting really riled up too.
'Shut your mouth! They chose to leave you; they don't need a giant SELFISH WHORE LIKE YOU! ' He knew he didn't supposed to be this angry. But he heard your muffled crying just one time too many. His fingers tightened around his hammer. There was more than enough metal around him to use, if its needed. He couldn’t really help with easing your pain, but if he could get rid of the source of your pain, maybe, just maybe, it would help.
The woman's eyes burned with anger, and her blades were ready to cut through anything that got in their way. Lady Dimitrescu leaned closer. 'Maybe they chose to leave, but they will choose to come back. They're not yours. They still belong to me and when they realize this, they will come back to me. I was the one who helped them, who took them in. A weak man-thing like you could never make them happy. And if it's needed then I'm going to take them back from you, you miserable wretch!'
'Go ahead and try, you big piece of useless TRASH!' The hammer moved behind him by itself and rose into the air.
'You two, enough of this non-sense!' Mother Miranda had been waiting silently until now. She couldn’t let two of her most important subjects start a pointless fight and get one of them injured. 'Go to your place. Now! '
There was a sharp wind as black branches burst out of the ground separating Lady Dimitrescu and Lord Heisenberg.
"No, I don't want to go back." You leaned back on your hands, not even noticing as Heisenberg's shoulders tightening.
You let the smell of tobacco and rain creep into your thoughts. "I was happy there, most of them time."
The man felt his chest grabbed by an icy hand. He took a deep lung full of smoke from his cigarette again.
"Actually I had to, be more cautious there to keep myself safe, but when Lady Dimitrescu took me as her personal maiden. Well." You scratched your head. "Everything was alright for a while." You shuddered, you could still recall the Lady’s touch in your memories and on body vividly to this very day. But it all didn't matter now. "But, you know, after a while I started to think…I was really just a toy that they got bored of, maybe not for the daughters, but for the Lady? Certainly."
You didn’t have the strength to look at Heisenberg. If you had seen some sign of the same thing in his eyes now...If you were just an object, and he maybe started to find you less interesting now…Would he do the same?
"I knew it was going to end like this. It's fine." You lied with a fake smile.
Dense smoke rose from his lips. "So, that's why?" He almost sounded annoyed. "Why are you still here?" So maybe you would go back?
"Get to the point, (Y/N)." He muttered under his breath, but he was still listening seriously.
"I love being here, Heisenberg. This place is amazing, I got used to the sounds and the smell and I can do a lot more than in the castle. I don't want to go back because I can be better here, maybe even happier next to you."
Heisenberg felt his heart skip a beat.
"I can be an asshole."
"Yes, you can." Your smile became more earnest.
You grabbed his coat with one hand, took the cigarette out of his mouth with the other, then pulled him in a kiss. You could smell the bitter, smoky taste of cigarette on his lips. He snorted in surprise but hugged you closer with one arm. After putting your cigar aside, you caressed his face gently. He kissed you the way she behaved, without holding back or acting nice. Couple of minutes later you had pull away, fully out of breath. Panting and deeply blushing you faced him.
"You are an asshole. But you are also mine." You carefully took off his glasses so you could look into his gray eyes. "Would you hurt me, Heisenberg?"
"No." The lord grinned widely, still, deep in his eyes you could see true warmth hiding there. "Only if you want me to, if you're into this kind of stuff." Pulling you into his lap, he kissed you again."
Around you, the noises of the factory and rain were pushed into the background, and you could only focus on the man's smoky lips and his strong arms, embracing you.
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everyday, it feels like im counting.
counting the numbers of my weight
counting the days until vacation
counting my days until i can eventually leave my home and die alone without my family or friends knowing that i went out and... yeah...
when did my life become like this? why did i become the way i did?
Im always up until 5-6am, crying about this, and counting my calories, what i want to eat and when.
the shit i think about is just this:
"do i want a dounut and coffee for today, or should i ask for mcdonalds? should i cook? just eat a salad. what if i had a sandwich with some water? what if i mis count my calories? i know im getting thinner, but i still feel like the same huge kid i was years ago. but wait, no, im the same weight i was when i was 8 years old. I was a big 8 year old though. everyone thinks im ugly and fat. is it why my friends never invite me out? is it because im weird? because i dont eat? or is it because they dont want to be seen with me, the mean fat kid? my mom hasnt hugged me in years.. is it because im too fat or too thin? i dont know. should i have steamed eggs? i should end it all. Do i even want to eat? do i want to be awake? no, i dont, i want to be nothing but bones, but i dont want to see my mom cry again. if i died, maybe she wouldnt have to cry about watching me slowly waste away.... i dont want to recover, but at the same time, i dont want to be in so much pain anymore. Ill eat an apple with choclate peanut butter, then have a monster energy drink, and go back to sleep, and that is 120cal+50cal+10cal which equals 180 calories for the day. Perhaps around 480cal if i decide to share a protein bar with my mom."
im so tired these days...
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School of Fish 6/6
Day 2 (Eras, Bastille)
By: Aethelflaed (Green Team)
“I know. She does that to everyone. Brian. Me. Threatened to beat up a mailbox last week when it didn’t have her package.” From the noise downstairs, Adam’s friends had come back—the nerdy kid, the girl, and the messy one. Adam pushed away from the window, heading out of the room, dog trotting after him. “Look, you don’t have to join us if you don’t want to. It’s up to you. But there’s always a seat for you, anywhere we hang out. Especially Hogback Wood. We’re making the shed big enough for six.”
“Six?” Again the suspicion, the defensiveness. “Are you calling me fat?” But this time, he didn’t really feel worried about it. He wasn’t sure why not.
“Hmmm? No, course not.” Adam glanced back, eyebrows raised. “Why would I do that?”
“But…” Greasy shrugged, confused. “Look, even with me, that’s only five.”
“Yeah. The sixth won’t be here for…probably another year, at least. Just planning ahead.” He sauntered off, down the stairs, leaving Greasy alone with his fish.
He really liked them, the fish, thought they were pretty and cool. Took pride in keeping them healthy.
But they weren’t the same as having friends. And he missed that. A lot.
“Hey, Adam!” He left the room and thundered down the stairs. “Wait up!”
🎤fave line in a fic you wrote? 🎁 have a quote from a WIP?
🎤fave line in a fic you wrote
I reread Shanghai Mantis the other day and was cracking up at the whole dinner scene:
“Cal does not have fun,” Merrin said. “But as a hobby he makes candles. He renders them from the fat of small children.”
Ezra’s eyes went wide.
“She’s joking,” Cal said.
“Sometimes the children don’t have a lot of fat, so he finds more off the streets,” Merrin went on. “You would probably make half a candle. Do you have any friends?”
“You know what, I don’t,” Ezra said, standing to leave, “But Zeb is very large, so--”
“That is no good, the candles would be full of fuzz,” Merrin said.
“I’m sure there’s a market for that somewhere,” Ezra said.
“She’s really joking,” Cal said.
“I know,” Ezra said, sitting back down.
“He knows, Cal,” Merrin said. She sat next to Ezra and smiled easily, breaking her stone-faced deadpan humor. “So what do you do for fun?”
Ezra looked between Cal and Merrin and BD-1, then stood and walked over to Zeb, hiding behind him.
Cal tilted his head toward Ezra while glaring at Merrin-- asking a kid what he does for fun should not lead to him hiding behind his caretaker. Merrin just shrugged. “You scared him off,” she said.
Cal’s jaw dropped. “I scared him off!”
“Yes, that is what I said,” Merrin said. Then she started to set out several candles she had hidden somewhere, up her sleeves or with her magic somehow. Cal covered his face.
🎁 have a quote from a WIP?
I'm already excerpting entire sections so have a snippet of the biting a senator AU:
Ezra flew away, furious, still coughing on smoke. His eyes stung. He didn't get the supply up like he wanted, that Jedi interfered… he should have killed him, except he wasn't an inquisitor anymore, he was not going to do their jobs for them.
He unwrapped his left hand from its brace. So. Saw had told everyone about his pet inquisitor who ran away, and now he had the rebellion after him. Interfering. Trying to capture him. Or kill him.
Should he lie low until the rebellion gave up? Or should he look into this more? He made a fist with his left hand, and the pain drove out that foolishness. Join them. The Jedi had meant capture and kill, even if he said join. No, the Jedi could not be trusted. No one would ever want him to join them. He was alone and always would be.
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Literally nobody humbles you more than your younger siblings, my little brother has said the meanest shit to me but it was always lowkey true and funny??? At powwows he’d be like “you dance like this” and make fun of how I danced, or “you can’t fit my clothes because you’re so chubby. But not me. I’m not chubby, I’m skinny.” And we’d always like argue and laugh making fun of each other. But this one time, he was like, “go like this” and made me make a fist and was like, “geez, your knuckles are big. Why is your middle knuckle so big? You got a fat knuckle.” And he was like, 7-8? Now every time I look at my hands, not only are they more wrinkly since I lost weight but I always remember I have a fat knuckle and it really humbled me. Especially on days I think I’m All That, I remember and miss him. He’s gonna be a high schooler this year but sometimes I miss when we were chasing each other around the house each summer, goofing off, racing each other when we’d go to a powwow, him ‘checking in’ with me at powwows, we travelled a lot with our grandparents, just the four of us. Hotels, the camper, staying over, watching movies and me buying him stuff. I swear, he’s like the funniest little brother I could ask for and I’m grateful we were always so close, not a lot of people get to be close with their little brothers. He’s the only one I’d let make fun of me, the way I dance, he made me laugh a whole lot, him and his dog after my first breakup, I didn’t wanna be home so I stayed with him for a few weeks, I took care of him as a baby, he’d cry when I’d leave for elementary and now he’s like, not in Pendleton anymore and is a grown up city guy, haven’t been to Pendleton since he left but we had a few last Pendleton adventures like when we got my purse stuck on top of the longhouse and had to get it down somehow because it had my keys and phone and everything in there because we were goofing off and swinging it around in the parking lot? This was supposed to be about him making fun of me but I just realized how much I miss my little brother. At my grandpas services I made him cry because Caden was the only one I really wanted to hug? I just remember all the adventures we had each summer, all the Mariners games we went to together, the times we got in trouble together or got hurt, the powwows we’d win at, the Round-Ups, the times I was grateful to be stuck babysitting him, the messes we made, the places we lived, it was like, so sad because it would never be the four of us again? The four of us on all our trips, I wasn’t 16-17 anymore, he wasn’t a little kid anymore, since that day, I knew we had a lot of growing up to do. I just wish I would’ve talked to him more about how I felt, sad, confused, angry, everything was over quick and I felt alone again, wishing we could be somewhere together again, that I’d be giving Caden $5 again at a powwow or buying him a sweater, that Papa would be here to make us laugh again, yell at us, talk to us. Thinking about my little brother living in the city now, having his own adventures, I wish I had him around more to make fun of me, make me laugh, we couldn’t be around for each other during the biggest change of our lives.
this story was inspired by @i-cant-sing i absolutely LOVE how they write the Todoroki family
“Leave? Oh no, you stay here now.” PART I
You had known Shoto Todoroki since middle school. You both seemed to always seemed to understand each other since you both had dysfunctional families.
So you can imagine the fear in your heart when he invited (borderline forced) you to meet his family.
That meant meeting the now #1 pro hero, Endeavor.
The man you heard terrible things about. How he trained Shoto to be a cold, unloving, unstoppable force. How he made his wife go crazy. How all of his children despise him in some way for stealing their childhood and innocence…
Truth be told Shoto would be much like his father had he not met you. You taught him that true hero’s need more than physical strength, and that even they deserve to be able to cry. Many times when you and Shoto would meet outside of school he would cling to you while laying his head in your lap while profusely thanking you with tears in his eyes for never hurting him.
After one day Shoto let it slip how amazing you were to his parents they told him to invite you over. Even after he insisted he didn’t see you as a romantic lover they still wanted to see who this ‘magical’ friend was. At least that’s all Shoto told you, but you would later learn there was a lot more to the story.
Since you didn’t wanna be a hero you didn’t apply to UA. No matter how much Shoto tried to encourage you, you always said the same things
“no way! UA is for smart rich kids which I am neither.”
“ UA isn’t really for me. I just wanna go to a normal school.”
You wanted to be someone like Recovery Girl. Since your quirk had the insane power of completely being able to heal someone within seconds. You could even regenerate their clothing!
But no matter how good of a healer you were there was no way to heal the impending stress you felt about meeting the infamous Todoroki’s. You even considered canceling but knowing Shoto, he wouldn’t let you unless you had a good enough reason.
So there you sat in your nicest white dress, that you had bought specifically for this occasion. You were in the middle of applying your jewelry and other finishing touches when you heard familiar screaming.
“Well I want you to but I can’t because my wife is a neighborhood whore!”
“I WAS LONELY! WHEN I NEEDED YOU-”
“Oh here we go again with the lonely bullshit excuse! If your so fucking lonely you could’ve called or better yet TOOK CARE OF OUR FUCKING KID INSTEAD OF PARTING YOUR LEGS LIKE THE RED SEA!”
“DON’T BRING HER INTO THIS YOU FAT FUCKER!”
You had officially heard enough. You didn’t even wanna walk near that battlefield so like usual you opened your window and climbed out, waiting for Shoto to come get you
Within minutes Shoto was pulling up in an all black, sleek car, hopping out before you could even walk towards it.
You did a brisk jog over to you engulfing your face in his hands to check for bruising. He did this everyday just to be sure. You don’t even know how he would react if he ever actually found one.
Next he brought you into a deep hug, burrowing his head into your neck and breathing your perfume and conditioner in deeply.
“Are you ready, Y/N?” He questioned softly
It was almost humorous how everytime someone talked about Shoto to you they talked as if he was a demon or robot, never imagining there was a soft side just for you, only for you.
“Yeah, I guess so.” You let a nervous laugh making him pull back to face you but knowing Shoto you knew he wanted you to keep your arms wrapped tight around his touch-starved frame
“Are you alright? You know I would 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 let him hurt you right?” Shoto was looking directly in your eyes to let you know he was serious
“Of course Sho, I’m not too worried about that. It’s just…you know what never mind we should go before we’re la-”
“𝗡𝗼, tell me now.”
“It’s just that my parents are going at it again and I don’t wanna leave my dad alone in there with her.” You spoke lowly since talking about your abusive mom was always hard to do, it was much easier to listen to Shoto’s problems then address your own.
“He’ll be okay, I’ll make sure of it. Now let’s go.”
He took my hand in his and walked me to the car before opening my door, allowing me to step in and shutting it.
For some reason I couldn’t help but think…
𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮
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I wanna kill myself but I can't cuz I'm too scared to
I'm done with all the fucking shit my dad has put on me, I don't wanna be at a med school then why the fuck does he even bother and beat me up if I talk back for my fucking future. No I don't wanna be a doctor and die not knowing life, I wanna travel and meet people and do things no one has done. He keeps demotivated me and putting me down he says "he couldn't even score good on the normal exams then how is he supposed to do other things". Sure im fucking 18 and have to go to college but can we check how I am? Nope the selfish mother fucker talks about how I'm causing him a headache and how he is worried what I'm gonna do, HE is getting troubled and I am gonna cause him depression.
What about my mental health I haven't been okay since 2018 October, people leaving me, insulting me, I stayed alone for 2 years with no friends to talk to. No one to tell how I feel. I wanna cry but the tears don't come out for some fucking reason. Society telling me I'm fat or I'm short or I'm all the bad things. I wanna end it all but I don't have the guts to do it. I wish someone just kills me right now, I hope I don't wake up tomorrow and I really hope I don't. Why can't I get my own free life and not have him be involved or anyone why can't I just be left alone. Parents have to complain about everything I do how I walk, talk, what kind of friends I have, how I'm lazy and always sleeping and a fuck loads. How am I supposed to stay awake when all my brain can think is let's just end it all. I have a blade ready and kept safe in my room but If I die I'm never gonna see the world, fall in love, meet true people that love me, I'm never gonna have kids and I'm gonna miss out on all of it. But I just have to die right now
How many things am I supposed to deal all at once, how can I become fitter, taller, better person, a better student, how am I supposed to fix my brain when all I've ever had is pain since I was a kid. I got one shot at love, a girl who liked me somehow ignoring all my flaws just physically leaving mentally alone but I messed that up too. People who once supported me don't talk to me anymore. I don't wanna be stuck here.
I keep looking for a shoulder to cry on but no one is there, I keep looking for someone to tell me and give me a way to fix all problems. But again no one is there, no subreddit or therapist sites work. People are born alone and they die alone and so shall I
submitted by /u/Conscious-Run7374
from Mental Health https://ift.tt/2S5iAvT
Their Fate - Chapter Four
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |
Chapter 4 of this story! 😁 A huge thank you to everyone whose enjoyed this story so far ( @janetm74 and @lenna-z); there’s more to come! This fic is gonna be a monster 😫🥲.
@myladykayo this ch is mainly Kayo centric so you’ll like it. There’s a little bit of Scayo too! :D
Chapter Four - Kayo
Alan and Brandon left the dining room at TCRI to find their designated bedrooms. What the Boss had talked about had made Brandon seethe with rage.
“So, are you gonna pick your weapon in the Equipment Room?” Alan asked his partner.
Brandon scoffed. “No,”
“What? But you have to! No weapons means ultimate death!”
“Does it look like I care? I’d rather throw myself into the Grand Canyon than be in this crappy place.”
Alan was speechless. He swallowed and took his place at Brandon’s side, slipping his hand into his. “Please,” he begged, “it’s the only way we’ll stay alive.”
“Look, Alan, I’m sorry. But I’m me. You’re you. You do you and I’ll do me, OK? If you want to grab a training weapon and risk bloody death then go for it. I’m not taking any risks,”
Brandon turned to stride away to his room. Alan quickly caught up and grabbed his shoulder to spin him around. “Brandon! Are you kidding me? Not taking risks?! That’s so unlike you.”
It seemed the Welcoming Feast and first meeting had got to Alan’s senses too.
“Alan!” Brandon snapped. “Just leave me alone. Please! Didn’t you hear me? I’ll do me. Now go!”
And Brandon just left Alan standing in the hallway, his face full of upset, anger and confusion. Why?
The Tracy family wasn’t having much luck finding TCRI. On the island, the weather must’ve understood the tense and worrying feelings lingering around so it decided to bring on a dark sky, heavy rain and a storm.
“John, we need to find more information about TCRI,” Kayo pressed on, “it’s for the boys’ sake.”
“I’m trying my best,” John huffed in exhaustion over the comms. “But this sort of stuff can’t be rushed. No one can make it go faster,”
“Well I can,”
“What? Kayo, stay on Tracy Island. Don’t risk any dangers to yourself or others.”
“This is about Alan and Brandon, Scott. I know what has to be done.”
And with that said, Kayo geared herself up and set off away from the island: “Thunderbird Shadow is go.”
Alan lay on his bed, his face wet with fat tears, and a horrible betrayed feeling in his chest. Did he do something wrong? Would Brandon ever come back to apologise? Would TCRI ever forgive Brandon for this???
That was the only question he had swirling in his mind.
Why was he here? Why did everyone have to choose their weapon? Why couldn’t Scott and his family hurry up?
Little did he know, Kayo was already on her way in Shadow.
“Scott would’ve told them,” thought Alan, “he must’ve. Someone will be on their way shortly. Or possibly now. All I can do is pray and hope.”
BANG BANG BANG!
“Alan? Are you in there?”
“Brandon? Is that you?!”
“Yes, it’s me! Let me in now!”
Alan leapt up in a millisecond and pressed the red button on a panel at the side of the door so it opened up. Brandon dashed in and the door slid shut automatically behind him.
“Right,” Alan breathed out a huge sign of relief at Brandon’s appearance. “What’s up?”
Brandon sat on Alan’s bed, breathing heavily and sweating like mad. “Some guards from TCRI were chasing me as I refused to collect my weapons. Apparently you can choose more than one which is what I’ll do when I get round to it. I ran away but of course they chased after me. The only person I knew I could trust was you,”
“See? This is why you should’ve listened to me. Look what happened when you didn’t!”
“You’re right. I’ll be careful next time. Thank you for being here with me,”
“And thank you for coming to your senses. As long as we’re together, we’ll get through it.”
A magnetic force started pulling them closer to each other as they stared into the other’s eyes. Their lips brushed, they wrapped their arms around each other. And they found themselves in a tight hug, kissing the other’s eager lips with love and passion.
Kayo was on her way to TCRI; wherever the hell it was. The boys had been right. She didn’t have a clue where this place was located. None of them did. All they could do was try.
Scott’s hologram popped up in front of her, “Kayo, what the hell are you doing? You need one of us with you,”
“No, I don’t. Is anyone else as good as me at Covert Operations?”
“Exactly. Leave me to it. Has John cracked their security and found a location?”
“Thankfully I have,” said John as he hovered next to Scott.
“Wow, really? Without me? That’s surprising.”
John gave Kayo a bored look. “Not funny,” he sighed, “anyway, as I was saying. TCRI is in New York City, or NYC as it’s massively known by. Its security is heavy so you’ll need to be extra careful. One false move and the guards are alerted. Got it?”
“Understood. I’ll think of something on the way there. But the question is, where will I park Shadow?”
“Leave that part to us. I’ll take over the controls and put it somewhere out of sight. Maybe activate stealth mode if I must. Before then, you’ll have to transform it into its motorbike form.”
“Will do! Thank you for the info. My mission now: save our family.”
Kayo ended the call and revved Shadow’s engine. The Bird sped off through the clouds of the blue sky, past the sections of darkness on Earth where the sun didn’t reach. The sky reminded her of Scott’s eyes. Those perfect blue eyes – almost dreamy in their own way.
She’d always liked Scott. When she first met him as a little girl, there hadn’t been anything romantic between them. Like most relationships kicked off, it began with a friendship. Just friends. That was all. Then time went on and they became closer to each other, and possibly the romance side of things was starting to make itself obvious.
Kayo huffed and shrugged. She still wasn’t too sure about her thing with Scott. Maybe in the future…
No. she refused to think of that now. TCRI and helping Alan and Brandon were her current priority.
Thanks to Shadow’s speed, she arrived on the outskirts of NYC pretty quickly. Kayo had no idea where exactly TCRI was in New York but it was close. She knew it.
“John, are you there?”
“Yes, I’m here. Are you there yet?”
“I’ve arrived outside New York. I’m going into motorcycle mode. Once I’ve touched down, you take over Shadow’s controls and park her somewhere outside the city. My plan is to find TCRI, break in, get Alan and Brandon out safely, and then get the hell out of here. Sound good?”
“No it sounds crazy,”
“Wow, and I thought Brandon was the crazy one.”
“Usually he is. But I don’t see any other options. Good luck.”
“I’ll speak later.”
Then the line went dead. Kayo pulled a lever and the motorcycle part of Shadow dropped down. She started the engine and jumped off the lowering platform onto the land below. Now she was in a motorbike, there wouldn’t be any suspicions.
She sped through the streets of NYC; yellow taxi cabs zipped all around, along with cars hooting their horns, bright florescent adverts showing off the company’s latest products stuck onto screens on the side of buildings, children and parents hurrying to catch a cab for whatever reason.
It was a lot to take in.
Kayo knew she couldn’t be distracted.
She had to find TCRI.
Well, it wasn’t too hard to find.
Right at the end of the main road running through New York was the tallest building with the letters T-C-R-I going across the top and down the side.
“That was too easy.” She joked.
She pulled Shadow’s cycle into a dark alleyway nearby and hopped out to check the place out.
Stage One of this plan had gone and Stage Two was beginning.
— TBC —
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Je T'aime | Yandere! Joy
Summary: When your childhood bully won't let go of you.
Warning: manipulation, abuse of power, controlling relationship, jealousy, mention of killing
This is was inspired by my favorite song Je T'aime by Hey. When I found out that Joy did a cover of that song, I got the creativity to create this. I wanted to get all of this out of my head, so it may feel a bit rushed in some areas.
You were in the library when you felt someone put their hands over your eyes. “Guess Who?”
“Hmmm.” You joked as you tapped your finger on your chin. “Is it…Namjoon?”
Your eyes were uncovered the second you said that. You laughed at Joy’s angry expression. “I told you not to mention him.”
“Sorry, sorry. What brings you here.”
“What do you mean what brings me here? It’s our night out.” Joy gasps.
“I’m sorry Joy, I don’t think I can do it tonight. Namjoon was supposed to be tutoring me, but I’ve been waiting for like thirty minutes.”
“I’m one of the smartest kids in the school. I’m in the Top 10 you know. Why didn’t you ask me?” Joy pouted.
You laughed at her outburst. “First of all, your parents would sue the school if you weren’t in Top 10, so that doesn’t really mean much.”
Joy's father was the CEO of a famous luxury brand, while her mom is a retired actress who was popular in the late 80's and 90's. Her parents had more money than you and your family could ever dream of. Growing up bouncing around from different relative’s basements made a lot of the kids at school growing up, make fun of you.
In 4th grade, is when she would begin to make your life a living hell. She would steal your lunch money and give you foods that she knew you were allergic to. She would constantly call you fat and make rude comments about you to her friends.
It got worse in 10th grade, when she made an announcement over the PA system that whoever talked, touched, or even looked at you would get beat up. She bought you and her matching rings at cost more than $1000, and would make you wear it all the time. She bought you clothes, gave you money, and even managed to convince her parents to buy your family an apartment with three bedrooms and a balcony.
She basically owned you. You weren’t allowed to go out on the weekends because of her security guards guarding your apartment door. When you did try to leave the apartment, which you never succeeded, you would be taken by the guards to the Park Mansion and have to sit on Joy’s lap as you two watched a movie, as punishment.
You hated the power she had, you always did, she even forced you to go to the same college that she was going to, by threatening to hurt your Aunt Irene.
You reluctantly agreed to her ‘idea’, not wanting to hurt your family members that helped your family so much.
So now you followed Joy around the campus like a little puppy, while everyone else thought that you guys were just close friends who liked being near each other.
“And second of all.” you continued. “We are supposed to be working on a project together.”
Joy furrowed her eyebrows while thinking. A project? With a boy?! She thought she had already told all of your professors to not give you any partners at all. Especially a boy.
“I know what your thinking.” Y/N claimed, seeing the looked on Joy’s face. “But we went to London for a whole month, and this was a month-long project. I can’t do it alone.”
“Fine, then I’ll help you.” Joy suggested.
“But Namjoon has to get this grade too.”
“Why do you worry about other people so much, come on let’s just start this.”
You and Joy spent all night, researching, printing, and decorating your poster board. By the time you guys were finished it was 2 a.m.
“Well, that was quicker than I expected. I guess I’ll have to make a new reservation for tomorrow.” Joy sighed. “Let’s go home.” She said as she intertwined your hands and walke out the library.
As part of the deal, Joy had you move into a luxury 2-bedroom apartment that was about an hour away from campus. Joy demanded insisted that you shouldn’t use public transportation anymore because now, with the help of her money, you were worth a lot. Throughout your high school experience, Joy never let you get a driver’s license, so she has the pleasure of driving you to and from campus, always knowing your whereabouts.
You looked out the car window without having anything to do. As punishment for talking to a boy, Joy had taken your phone claiming that the only person you needed to talk to was always right beside you. “What do you want to eat.” She asked you.
“McDonald’s.” You say robotically. McDonald’s was the only fast food place that Joy allowed you to eat. It was the place she found your family at in 10th grade.
It was on a rainy day that your Aunt Irene had kicked you, your parents, and your little brother out of her basement for being a burden, which you didn’t understand because just a week ago your Aunt had said you all staying there was the best thing to happen for her since her illness was starting to worsen.
So, with no where to go and barely any money, your parents took you all to McDonald’s to split one box of 20 piece chicken nuggets, and 4 small drinks for each member of the family.
As you were told by Joy, her family's trailer had broken down on the way back home from the airport, so Joy offered to walk to the nearest building while her parents berated the driver. The nearest place just so happened to be the McDonald’s you and your family were at.
You instantly recognized Joy when she walked through the door, just like how Joy instantly recognized you. She sat a table across from the booth your family was at, and pulled out her phone. Gosh, were you so amazed. You had never had a phone before. Your parents only had one that they shared, and you didn’t have friends (because of Joy’s rules) to let you use theirs. Joy smiled at you awe-filled eyes and continued talking on the phone.
You didn’t even realize that you were staring at her until your mom slapped your wrist and told you to stop. When the phone call ended, Joy stood up and walked towards your table. You looked at the ground, afraid that she too would scold you. “Hello L/N’s. I’m Park Sooyoung.” She started. You heard a gasp in front of you and looked at your parents, who were looking at the entrance doors. A tall man wearing a suit, and a woman carrying a Chanel bag. Walked through the door.
Joy looked back and laughed. “Oh, those are my parents.” They came up to your booth, both shoke hands your parents and stood behind Joy. ”We wanted to give your family a place to stay, would you let us.” You mother, being the biggest fan of Joy’s mother growing up instantly nodded, while your father thought about it for a few seconds before evening his Wife’s beautiful smile. A smile he hadn’t seen since their wedding day. He agreed as well.
That night was significant to you because not only did your family get a place to reside, but it was also the first time that Joy was nice to you. Since that day she started treated you better, still not letting you talk to anyone else, but she was nice.
Although Joy would never tell you this, it was that night that she fell in love with you, completely.
After eating. You and Joy got into the bed that you two shared. Yes there were two bedrooms in your apartment, but you couldn’t sleep in a room by yourself.
You had slept in a room with somebody your whole life, it felt uncomfortable. So on the first week of living here, you asked Joy if you could sleep with her, even okay with sleeping on the ground. Joy let you into her bed, and sang you to sleep.
That became your routine every night after that. However tonight was different, you feel asleep the minute you got into bed. Joy snuck out of the bed and turned you alarm off. You didn’t need to go to school tomorrow, you wouldn’t have time anyways. Her makeup crew that were going to come today were rescheduled to come tomorrow. The day she had been waiting for since that night was going to happen.
All of you and her family members were going to be at that restaurant and would watch as she would get down on one knee, just like in the romance movies, and propose to you. Just thinking about tomorrow made her heart flutter. Yes, she was furious about the change of plans today, but she would never take it out on you. Instead, she took it out on that Namjoon guy behind the library. Ugh! Just thinking about him getting close to you was sickening. She had her men take care of his body it for her.
She kissed your cheek and whispers in your ear, “I love you.”
Everything was set in her plan. She loved you, and you…would have no choice but to love her. You were hers after all. Hers to love.
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Sometimes it's really fucking difficult to not believe that the universe is personally biased against me. And I know that's kind of rich coming from the one of us that didn't get driven to suicide. But I just, I know you of all people would understand. I wish I had you to really talk to right now.
I'm gonna ramble because I just need someone to listen. But where to fucking start? Life right now is just spinning plates. On one day this week I found out a critical hospital referral I was relying on had never been made; I was rejected by yet another landlord for a house next year that I'd really been betting on; my supervisor met with and bullied me for a solid two hours and my one social event of the week got cancelled. So, that's about when it all started to get too much.
The doctor I've been seeing has been incompetent from the start and made so much work for me in the 6 months I've been in her care. Despite diagnosing my Potentially Life Threatening connective tissue disease, she never even named it in our appointments, leaving me to discover the true horrors of my body through playing detective with my blood results. Long story short, to be confident that I can go on a treatment for it without bleeding out, I need to see a geneticist. But despite agreeing that I should see one, she's refusing to refer me to one directly. Instead, she's referring me to a pain rehab clinic at a separate hospital and saying they can internally refer me to genetics. The wait on the pain rehab clinic? At least two years. Plus, of course none of this information was forthcoming and required weeks of emailing back and forth. So now I'm angry, anxious and stressed about my health. I want to make a formal complaint but I don't know when I'll find the time.
That wasn't even the worst thing, though. The worst thing was uni reminding me just one last time that it truly doesn't give a shit about its students and why I hate it to its very core. The final piece of work I have left to hand in is a research project that I've been working on all year. However, my supervisor is an utter cunt, and I don't say that lightly. He's incredibly narcissistic and rude for a start. For a presentation I had to do, he forced me to use his own slides without ever looking at mine. He once ended an online meeting because I misspoke when explaining a figure, telling me to call him back when I knew what I was on about because he "never forgets what he sees and doesn't want his brain soiled with incorrect information." Given he never remembers what we've spoken about from one meeting to the next, I call bullshit. Oh and this week? He asked me to explain a figure to him and when he said he didn't understand I asked him if he was looking at my screen share. He said no. I just despair!
To make matters worse, he's never fucking happy with me. He's made me start my work from scratch 3 times now and had a different problem each time. We're rapidly approaching the deadline now, so to get all the work done for the 3rd time I've been working 9am-5pm 6 days a week. Not that he cares. The results don't fit his hypothesis, so I must simply be incompetent. He even once had the audacity to suggest that I "didn't want to do the work" while looking through a 70 page document of my results, because I couldn't explain the findings of a figure I'd made a month ago off the top of my head.
In this weeks meeting, he again gave me an extortionate list of new tasks to do, while berating me at every turn. With a month left submit my thesis and my write up not started, I tried to explain to him that I wouldn't have time to complete the list. He just shrugged and said, "Well I think you should do it." And yes, this man is aware that I have been struggling physically and mentally recently.
I didn't know what else to do to make him listen, so I contacted the course supervisor (who I'd already briefly made aware of my issues with him). She told me to "quit" and "just get on with writing my thesis"... until four hours later after she had spoken to my supervisor and completely changed her mind. She video called me to tell me to do the work and I just broke down. I don't make a habit of ugly sobbing in front of people I've only ever met twice over Microsoft Teams, but this was a particularly bad day.
"Trying to do this work is going to destroy my physical and mental health."
"I can't do this anymore."
"He never listens to me."
"I've been working 6 days a week and it's killing me."
She didn't care. She told me that since my supervisor is an experienced professional, he must know how much he's asking of me and since he insists it's quick and easy stuff, it must be. This man has never done this analysis himself. He doesn't even know how; half the stuff one of his lab workers taught me and the rest I taught myself.
"Chill out" and "calm down" she told me, "do the work and if you have any problems ask John (the lab worker)"
By the time I pressed the leave button, I could barely breathe, let alone talk. I was just choking and sobbing and had snot pouring down my face. I was just so tired. So stressed. So... ignored. I didn't know where I would find the hours in the day, but I started by cancelling the trip to see my parents this weekend. To them I am not a student, and a student with health problems at that. I am simply a machine to use for free research.
I just wanted the stress to give me a break. I just wanted a break. I was genuinely afraid that my heart was going to stop from the stress alone. I didn't know where else to turn. The counseling service put me on a waiting list. My tutor told me to "just keep trying my best". My mentor told me to talk to my course supervisor. My course supervisor told me to work. A was busy revising for an exam the next day and I didn't want to bother him. So, I turned to my unhealthy coping mechanisms instead.
I didn't mean to do it as badly as I did. I just wanted to scratch my skin enough to feel it burn and give me something else to feel instead of the huge mass in my chest. But the scissors were sharper than I thought and when I looked down there were four long cuts that had gone through the skin and fat. I knew immediately I'd fucked up. There was no way those edges were coming together on their own. Honestly, I was just mad I'd given myself something else to do. So, I covered them with gauze and tape and kept on working. Because I needed to work. I needed to get it done. I would deal with going to the hospital later but I couldn't lose these working hours.
Once the blood was dripping from the gauze I finally, begrudgingly, went to the hospital. Honestly? They were surprisingly nice. They were understanding and they listened. I was so worried that they'd think I was some cringy emo kid looking for attention. I honestly felt like a total knob going there, but I didn't have a choice. I never felt judged or like they thought I was wasting their time or that it was all my fault. Of course, I know that it was my fault and I felt like a fool. But I also don't blame myself for becoming so desperate. At one point a doctor came in with a medical student who was visibly shy and embarrassed when examining me. I told her I had a place at medical school, so not to worry as I'd be in her place soon. And again, I was shocked because they didn't once tell me not to go. I thought they were going to say "if you can't cope right now, starting medical school isn't for you!" But they never said anything like that. Instead they were shocked I'd gotten in to such a good uni and seemed incredibly genuine when they wished me well.
Oh, and the wounds? Thankfully I didn't need stitches so I got them pulled together again with steri-strips. And in case you didn't believe me that I didn't intend them to be so bad, I nearly passed out three times after looking at them. So, I truly am a fucking idiot, Josh. Lesson learnt, I suppose. Though I'm still afraid what will happen next time I run out of options.
It's finally the end of the week now, but the universe still hasn't given me a break. My mum called earlier and told me my rabbit will be crossing the rainbow bridge tomorrow as he seems to have had a stroke. I mean, it's a small mercy that he's an old bunny and he's been unwell for a long time, so it's not a shock. But it's still so sad and I'll miss him so much. What really tops it all off is that I was going to see him this weekend until I had to cancel my trip home due to the workload.
Man, I just. Why does shit stuff seem to come so easily to me? It's difficult not to feel personally victimized when shit news after shit news lines up so well. I wish good things came as thick and fast. I hope to fuck my luck changes soon because honestly I'm terrified that it's taking years off my life.
Thanks for listening, Josh,
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I reached out to the kid I bullied in school. It hurt like a bitch.
Moving places makes you realize how badly humans need closure. How hard we strive for the chapters of our lives to open & end neatly, one by one. And how much we hate cliffhangers, incomplete pages, or vague endings off the screen.
I tried to seek my closure yesterday. Because I'm moving away from the neighborhood I grew up in. Don't worry, it's nothing I'm going to miss. School sucked for me, as it did for most 'studious' kids.
Fat, nerdy, weird, and a bit on the 'girlish' side, it was like this boy entered the class wearing a cap that said, "Your new favorite target." Of course, the cool kids ganged up & left me broken. I felt all alone like a wet puppy abandoned in the rain.
So like a dog, I learned survival, the ugly way. I bit back, chewed on smaller prey. And before I knew it, became the very thing I hated the most. A bully.
Roy, let's call him that, had the same awkwardness that had made me a target. His only disadvantage was that he didn't want to fight back. This allowed me to slowly strangle him, one taunt at a time.
It started out as lame jokes that you'd expect from any teenager. Calling him "gay," laughing at his curves, making him feel unwanted. This graduated into mild jabs & punches. And then finally, one day, the five of us spent 2 straight hours 'roasting' him, stepping on every last piece of his self-confidence that we could find on the floor.
Turns out, he'd had enough & his father was at my door with an audio recording of what we thought was sublime standup comedy. I felt ashamed but cried victim, pushing the blame back onto him. Tit for tat.
We stopped playing with him after that day. He had become a traitor. I don't know if he found that liberating. And if he did, I can't imagine how fucked up that would be ... feeling happy to finally have no one you can make memories with.
I went abroad and forgot about Roy. Until yesterday when we were packing up and I saw him pass by. Something snapped. Like an ice cube being run down my neck.
As someone who has been through so many changes in the last few years, I felt an urgent need to prove to myself that I'm no longer the person I was years in 2014. I wanted to leave this shithole behind for good.
So I messaged him on Facebook.
I won't ask if you remember me because I know you do. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for how I treated you.
There's no explanation. No my side of the story. No excuse. And they weren't just harmless jokes.
I bullied you badly and caused you a lot of pain. Practically ruined your childhood. And I don't know if you're doing better. I hope you are.
You didn't deserve any of the shit I gave you. I did it because I felt powerless myself and needed something to fill that hollow space in my days.
We moved out yesterday & I wanted you to know that I'm aware of my mistakes and although I can't change the past, I am working to heal, both myself and others. I'm part of some NGOs that help poor kids in Majiwada. I do regular activities to put a smile on their faces.
Again, I know this isn't enough or even related but I hope someday you can forgive me. Even if you can't, I understand. And I really wish that you find love, happiness, and peace wherever you go - yes you do deserve those things. I was wrong.
Please let me know if I can do anything for you.
He responded with that "blue thumbs up" icon. That's all. I didn't push it, either. We didn't have a heart-to-heart conversation to go over everything. I'll probably never see him again or know how he turned out to be. It just is.
So did I get my closure? As I unpack in my new room, I'm not sure if it matters anymore. Because I think human relationships are much messier than we let on. You cannot just file them into chapters.
Sometimes they'll end abruptly.
Sometimes they'll reappear again and again, unexpectedly.
And sometimes you'll find new meanings every time you go back to old pages.
More importantly, you cannot just erase the damage you do to people. You cannot say sorry hoping everything will be forgotten and forgiven. The harsh truth about scars is that they never really heal.
But someday someone will look at those scars you caused on people, and madly fall in love with them. Someone will find that pain beautiful. Someone will turn it into a source of strength and love. And you can take the first step towards making that happen - by just saying one word.
GET TO THE POINT- If you think you hurt someone, you're right 9/10 times because we're hardwired for empathy & kindness so the moment we give in to hate, our mind sends us a small hunch. So just say you're sorry. Not "sorry if I hurt you." Not "sorry but it wasn't my intention." Just. Fucking. Sorry. Own what you did. It means everything.
DON'T FORGET IT- Yes, it's best if you repent asap but even if it's 10 years later, admitting to your fuckups is the right thing to do.
DON'T EXPECT AN OK- Your sorry is about you choosing to become better. For the person in front of you, it represents lots of trauma, heavy baggage, and painful memories that they've probably suppressed or internalized. So they may not forgive you or even respond. Please respect their privacy & feelings this time. And move on.
Trust me, this was one of the hardest things I've done as an adult. That said, I think we all did stupid things when we were kids. I think we were all MADE TO DO stupid things by a select few who understood intuitively how war works. I think most of us were a form of entertainment. Puppets. Dogs in a fighting ring. Dogs trying to fit in, or be liked, or just be left alone.
Just realizing how insanely toxic this entire game was ... is probably the most obvious sign that you're growing up. I know I am. I'm actively working to be truer to the kid I was before they took him away from me. And I know it's not going to be some beautiful transformative journey away from my past like they show in the movies.
It'll be ugly, too painful to bear sometimes. Because I'll meet parts of me that I hate. Parts you'd hate if you knew them. Parts that I'd rather not be remembered for. But you know what?
Sometimes, the first step in conquering your demons is accepting that they exist.
That they make you but don't define you. That you have a choice to be kinder, sweeter, warmer. And the only thing that matters is whether you have the courage to make that choice even when the whole world is giving you a billion reasons not to.
Be that one reason everyone needs to heal.
Hello😊 I saw you were having so writers block. But I wanted to check in and say hello first. Now some asks I guess.
Ok ok ok some food for ya noggin All might right right stay with me with a chubby s/o. Who feels insecure when they are out in public. . Or you can do toshinori x unexpected pregnant reader. Or toshinori with a crush on his new co worker. Or toshinori watching the love of his life walk away because he was to scared to speak upHonestly you don’t haven’t to do anything. Or you can do everything.
Yo, this is preganté hcs and I have no idea how to write pregnancies bc I've never been pregnant and I hate kids so haha. If i make a scientific mistake tell me (i am avoiding the Science so much here) i am picking up from my last post
PREVIOUSLY ON MY ASKS TOSHI HAS A BIG FAT BREEDING KINK
The reason you are pregnant is because protection? Who is she? We die like men.
In other words y'all like it raw and rough
Unexpected to him, really it is. He honestly thought he couldn't even make babies anymore he thought he had passed that a long time ago
But he hasn't so when you showed him the test, you can see his soul leave his body
After he got over the initial shock he was so happy
Man, he'd be rubbing you belly all the time even if there wasnt abump yet or it was small
He loved it, he loved you, and most importantly...
He knew he had this kink for a reason!
With so much hormone imbalance, you wanted him all the time and he lived for it
You had a pregnancy announcement at UA, like a full on assembly of students and teachers alike
Cue the "and the crowd goes wild"
All of the student you had ever taught in the last few years were losing their shit
Let me tell you that the kids in 1-a bought you so much baby stuff man.
The only one not visibly excited was Aizawa
Hes already done with every other kids shit and now there's a new one
He felt that way until you told that he was gonna be the "godfather" figure
Then he got a but more pumped
Midnight got baby fever
Everyone got baby fever
Especially after you gave birth
You'd bring your brand spanking new baby to class sometimes
Not one assignment was done
Did I mention the students dont know the baby is Toshi's
Because they dont know until like their third year
Because you had to run papers to one of the third year teachers and Toshi was looking for your kid
You had her so he went to that room and well the kid jumped out of your arms
All of 1-A "Dad?"
Todoroki to Deku "So you're not his love-child?"
"No, for the last time!"
But that's in the future wink wink
It is time for now.
Anyways, when the baby was born Toshi just as hard as you did
Though the waterworks really started going off when he held them
You were almost sure he was crying more then, than you were while giving birth.
He never thought he'd be a dad, and then there he was holding his baby. Looking at his wife, realizing that he had a family. A man that was alone all of his life. He had a family
Sometimes he wonders what Nana would've said about this
Oh well, that's what Gran Torino is for I guess
That old, terrifying man also did not get the memo for a while.
Deku mentioned the baby to him like once
When I tell you that Torino was p i s s e d that Toshi didnt tell him
"So...... you have a kid now huh?"
"Aaaaaaaaah?" Confused quiet screaming
"That's what I thought." He then hung up abruptly
Toshi is still waiting for his ass-whoopin.
Toshi also failed to inform his best fucking friend, Dave.
Deku told Melissa while they were talking on the phone, originally about quirk-support stuff
She asked about how All Might was doing and then he mentioned the kid
"Why didn't you tell me that Uncle Might had a baby?"
"He had a baby?"
Toshi got a phone call about that too.
Man, these sucked. I apologize, I don't know how to write this haha
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ateez reacts: a risque song playing in innocent s/o's playlist
💌 This is: Requested | The song's are embedded on their names!
Taglist: @yunhobabygurl @atiny-chocolate-chip @minhyukmyluv
With your back pressed against his chest, legs wide open for him - Hongjoong slipped two fingers inside your entrance while the other fondles and massages your left breast. A chorus of "ooh" and "ah" escaped your lips, your hips twitching and bucking up and now his lips attaching to the side of your neck.
"It's frustrating, go ahead and just put it on me
Caramel complexion, with them firm thighs
Like a taxi driver you go fast and you honk them horns"
"And I thought you're an innocent one, little baby" Hongjoong darkly snickers on your ear, adding the third finger inside you. "But here you are, caught listening to such songs" His grin widens as his hold around your left breast hardens and the pace of his fingers go faster.
Seonghwa's tongue worked magically around your clit. Hands gripping on the back of his hair, you continued to push the back of his head further into you while squeezing the sides of his face with your thighs. The actions alone drives Seonghwa crazily.
All of a sudden, a song plays within the room. But it wasn't just some song, it was coming from your phone.
"Pull up pull up, stress release
Clean up aisle 4, girl I'll wet you up"
But Seonghwa didn't seemed to mind that a song is being played right now, he kept lapping and pushing his tongue in and out while his hands gripped on your thighs, sure enough that it would leave purple bruises afterwards.
For a change, Yunho wanted to try something new with you, and that is thigh riding. Straddling on his thigh, Yunho guides your hips with his hands placed on top. Feeling your underwear dampen, you looked down to see a wet patch on his pants.
"Do you see that, baby?" Yunho asks in a low voice. "You're getting this wet and on my thigh only" Humming softly, Yunho throws his head back on the couch, motioning your hips to go faster while flexing the muscles of his thigh. Out of nowhere, your phone lit up and suddenly you hear Zico's phone on your audio, singing.
"In no particular order, I take her clothes off one by one
When the lights go off, it gets hotter
We're having a conversation deeper than ever
But we can't get any closer than this
It's only sexy when there's an air of unfamiliarity
I will do you tonight, private special"
"I didn't take you for one to listen to a Dean song" He chuckles darkly, staring up at your flushed face. "Such a sweet face you are" He mumbles lowly before sitting up and placing his lips on yours.
"Hit it from the back, hundred racks on the track let it stack
She wants me to whip it, whip it fast holler back"
Yeosang didn't minded how your phone suddenly lit up and a song started to play from your audio. In fact, the beat of the song even brought the mood higher and Yeosang felt wanting to drill himself deeper inside of you. Chuckling, he bit down on the back of your neck and tightened his grip around your waist, pulling himself out before pushing himself back in deeper. Hitting you from the back faster and in a harsher pace.
"My baby's mouth is so warm" San purred, caressing the back of your head as he watches you take his whole cock inside your mouth. He pulled you further down until your nose and lips were pressed against the side of his cock.
But San's eyebrows furrowed when he could hear music suddenly playing in the room. Turning his head to the direction of the music, it was your phone's screen suddenly lighting up and playing a song out of the blue.
"I'm champagne baby pop it
Yeah habibi habibi, really
You nasty don't swallow my kids"
San lets out a chuckle as he heard the lyrics of the song, turning his head down before running his fingers on your locks.
"You like songs like that, darling?"
When Mingi first heard from you that you were "innocent" as you claim, he didn't bought it. He knew, somewhere or deep down in you, you had dirt on you and only tried to cover it up by saying that you are innocent. It was then put to the test, one day when Mingi, situated between your legs, continued to pound into your tight pussy while his fingers are intertwined with yours.
"Until the sunlight disturbs us
We make so much love
Ay ay until you have enough
Baby, work it work it"
"Innocent huh?" Mingi teases, looking down at your blushing face. As your orgasm came nearer, your body moved on its own. Bucking into his cock as yours and his orgasm sprayed all over his cock, balls and your thighs.
Your moans and cries resonated all over the room, possibly even outside of the room, you could be heard all over while Wooyoung pounded himself into you harshly and fast.
"Such a pretty pink pussy you have, princess" Wooyoung says, playing with your clit to emulate the pleasure more. "Look at you taking my whole fat cock" He says, placing your hand in your abdomen, letting you feel how he moves inside of you. "Feel that, princess? You feel me there?"
Wooyoung continued this pace until he slowed down as he heard music coming from your phone.
"I already turned turned off the lights, so we won't know when night becomes day
I pulled the curtains down too
Even if the next door neighbors knock angrily on the door
It's fine, I'm gonna be moving soon"
"What a playlist you got there" He chuckles softly, resuming his pace as he rams into you. Pushing himself deeper while taking your phone and changing the song.
"Bawling on your body
Bawling on your body
Til we pass out
We make a story"
"Jongho-ah...too much..." you moaned the words out as you rock your hips on top of his face, one hand gripping on your waist while the other hand outstretched to fondle your right breast.
When it became unbearable, you finally came on his face. A loud moan eliciting from your lips, but as the sensations stopped as your body stopped moving. As Jongho helped you out, he looked at you with a satisfied look.
"We're not yet done, baby."
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ᴴᴼᵂ ᵀᴴᴱʸ ᶠᵁᶜᴷ ⁻ ᵇⁿʰᵃ ᵉᵈⁱᵗⁱᵒⁿ - inspired by @hxdruss
warnings: smut blurbs. twitter porn!, different kinks like breeding, daddy kink and exhibitionism and.. that’s all?
author’s note: yuuurp! so this lil hc series is inspired by this lil masterpiece. shout out to russ for letting me take some inspo for this, their version is pretty hot go check it out and as always enjoy!
warnings: just some choking and light, loving face slapping
༺☆༻ you’ve been such a sweet little baby for him all day, buttering him up by cooking his favorite meals, massaging his shoulders while he ate and keeping your shared home neat and tidy for him. What better way to reward you than to drill you into the mattress?
warnings: none! this one’s pretty vanilla.
༺☆༻ Katsuki trudges inside after a long and tiring day, catching you wearing one of his sweatshirts lounging around on the couch. So now, he has to fuck you on said couch since the sight of the oversized sweatshirt on your body’s making his cock twitch in excitement.
warnings: daddy kink, i think body writing but you can’t really see what’s written on her ass & dirty talk.
༺☆༻ Bakugo loves how fat your ass is. So much so he writes “Property of Pro Hero Dynamight” on one of your ass cheeks, plowing you in his favorite position.
༺☆༻ Kiri knows you love it when he cums inside you, hell he even likes the act himself. His hefty, full balls are so ready to give you every drop of his cum. Maybe a mini Kirishima will result.
warnings: dumbification... i think? (When i write y/n babbles... this is what I mean 👀) and hair pulling
༺☆༻ Kiri doesn’t like to punish you by spanking you, or edging you nor does he like to punish you at all. But when you get a little unruly and forget who’s in charge, he lays you flat on your stomach, fucking you stupid from behind and hitting your soft and spongy spot hard and deep. It’s the only way you’ll behave.
warnings: none! just nipple sucking and a lil bit of body worship
༺☆༻ Kirishima loves adorning your curves in kisses and nibbles. He also particularly enjoyed suckling all over your soft mounds, his cock growing from the way your body bucks against his mouth
warnings: rough sex, hair pulling and spanking
༺☆༻ POV: you try and get Denki’s attention while he’s in the middle of a game with the Baku squad so he bends you over his set up as soon as he gets the chance to, leaving his mic on so everyone can hear what a desperate little whore you are.
warnings: just a handjob
༺☆༻ A hot and sticky makeout session in the back of his car has got Denki’s cock rock solid and oozing with pre-cum. So being the lovely s/o you are, you jerk him off.
warnings: just some riding
༺☆༻ Kaminari loves when you get on top so his hands can travel along your body and watch your tits bounce with you, his hands kneading and smacking the squishy flesh of your ass
warnings: toys toys toys!
༺☆༻ Sero has set very specific rules for you. One of them being not to play with yourself when he’s not home. So imagine his surprise when he catches you like a kid with their hands in the cookie jar as you fuck yourself with a bright pink toy. Of course that doesn’t go unpunished.
warnings: another toy video. I cannon Sero being a big fan of toys
༺☆༻ He loves watching you crumble underneath him as he cock dives deep inside you, holding your hitachi wand over your clit on the highest setting as his hips snaps into you.
warnings: cumshot ;)
༺☆༻ “Are you still watching?” Nope. In fact Sero’s watching something else right now and that’s his cum shooting from his cock onto your back and all over your ass.
warnings: rough sex
༺☆༻ As a present, you take a few pictures of yourself in a saucy little lingerie number and send them to Shoto while he’s away. When he got home, he demanded you put that same set on so he can rail you into next week with it still adorning your body
warnings: I think this is considered rough sex but idk..
༺☆༻ dont be fooled by Todoroki’s calm and stoic demeanor when you’re being bratty. As soon as he gets you alone he’s gonna make you regret every word as he chuckles darkly at your whines and whimpers.
warnings: hair pulling and spanking
༺☆༻ Part of the reason Shoto bought this house with the bay windows in the master bedroom is so that his neighbors can watch him break you on his cock, often making you wave to them as he fucks you stupid right before their eyes.
༺☆༻ Izuku loves fucking his chubby little girlfriend, his big scarred hands squeezing and kneading at your rolls and groaning at the sight of your soft body jiggling with each thrust of his hips.
༺☆༻ Midoriya has spent a lot of his time testing little things to make your body quiver in pleasure, studying your likes and dislikes and writing them down in his notebook. He loves applying what he’s learned to make you fall apart on his mouth.
warnings: rough sex, hair pulling and choking
༺☆༻ he can’t help it. he doesn’t like being so rough with you. but the way you whine and cry our for more just drives him crazy and he just can’t control his hips
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