#like maybe i shouldn't think too hard on it idk

[iceeericeee]

I wonder how many tags i can add on to this

#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30? #idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo #this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed #the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do. #i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg #but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count? #I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or #something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who #thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding #very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting #absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is #basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post. #why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags* #it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows. #where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since #i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li #type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to #be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell #'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one. #this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer #anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can. #which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi #whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23 #except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang #i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue #i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan #to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone. #thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really... #...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though #would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y

[selvepnea]

Been thinking about my body a lot

#Sel talks #Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools #And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for #And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing #I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was” #And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love? #It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you? #Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down #If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever- #Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do- #Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it #Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it #Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body #Although one is vastly more accepted than the other #Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say #Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you. #Which I guess is an important distinction #Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting #But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society? #I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out

[echoesofadream]

maybe I can even learn to be happy for other people

#like why am I suddenly against even the loml jungkook now that hes finally happy in his skin and with his talent and with himself? #when hes finally totally confident? #because hes singing about sex? #like I think im just bitter #im bitter at the world and everyone who's happy and has anything that idont and I think they shouldn't have it either #and I see someone with talent or hard earned skill and I think that should be me too #like literally anyone that has nothing to do with me #like this is not healthy #its not #i want to be happy for other people too #not just the few that I love and find bearable to be happy for in their situation #like I want to be the person who sees someone succeed and feels nothing but happiness for them #could NOT be me but actually maybe it could. how. idk I will try #like actually!! grow up! grow up! grow! #im just this bitter jealous girl #who is jealous of anyone better than me or who has something I dont #im like ohh I try so hard and GET nothing and they have so much #this mindset will never heal me #and i in fact have so much too. im so lucky #and I could focus on myself and only be happy for others and support them #instead of comparing with myself #like im so extremely self centered

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i'm going to reward myself for doing one project on time by doing another project that i've been neglecting

#i have like. a 10 page paper i haven't even made a thesis for. oops #and a 5-10 page paper on a personality disorder which i have yet to choose or start #but i'm feelin obsessive compulsive. maybe. or narcissistic #idk personality disorders are hard to choose bc i don't really trust them as a diagnostic tool #well. kinda #there's so much overlap and confusion in the dsm that i don't think they're understood enough and that #the lines drawn between them are the best way to separate them #it's a whole thing but whatever i'll just pick whichever speaks to me #and oh fuck i have a fucking wrongful convictions final paper that i totally forgor about lmao #damnnnnn i have shit to do #and they're still assigning busywork. by they i mean my art history professor who wants us all dead. she's assigning weekly papers till #the final day. why. they're like. 3 pages minimum and i know she has too many classes to be reading/grading that many #she's still weeks behind. why do you do this to yourself? why do you do this to us? #ugh. i shouldn't have taken italian renaissance this semester but i was made for bad impulsive choices #anyway. i will be sharing my presentation with you all later. it's gorgeous i prommy #she took 10 minutes to load in the assignment dropbox #that's how you know she's good :)

[aeide-thea]

me, full of ongoing scrupulosity abt microplastics and also a vague sense that it would be good for me to take another crack at incorporating running into my life for 'holy shit i desperately need endorphins' reasons, scouring the shorts market for anything natural-fiber but also functionally/aesthetically fit for purpose and coming up almost* entirely blank: what if i bought another one of the merino-tencel tanks whose fabric i'm in love with (or‚ you know‚ sourced similar fabric somewhere that wasn't already a different garment‚ but like‚ that would involve learning things about 'where to get specialty fabric' in addition to the 'how to sew it' part) and turned it into running shorts? surely it couldn't be that hard??

⸻ * in fairness, icebreaker does make some that tbh are probably ideal except for cost but like. do i want to go running in basketball shorts? not really. and the tiny (women's) version only comes in black which is so dreary. i keep hoping they'll come out with some other colors but so far no dice! also an extremely crunchy-granola company makes some weird little gym shorts in a hemp knit which. i'm sorry, i grew up in manhattan and i'm dubious! they might be great but! 🧐

#yes it absolutely could #i mean there IS a sewing machine kicking around downstairs somewhere and i think according to Baby Sister it even works #so in theory i could re-teach myself how to use it #and also in theory a tiny pair of drawstring shorts shouldn't be *that* hard‚ i feel like?? #(they say‚ totally naively) #i definitely don't really understand how you deal with curves. like i know sometimes you cut little notches into them but. when. why. #anyway i think actually normal running shorts are woven fabric and the tanks i'm obsessed with are knit so. #WOULD probs have to source different fabric. #this is too many humps to get over so realistically it's not going to happen #and frankly given that i already own nylon shorts it's like. what's the plan for those #like even if i did make tencel/merino ones to replace them… the other ones still exist #i guess if they just sat in a box under my bed forever they at least wouldn't be producing microplastics???? (is that even true really?) #like with most stuff that's environmentally bad it's still better to keep using it than to replace it before time #but like. if it's washing that creates the microplastics and otherwise they're just a relatively inert pile of plastic in my closet… #maybe it IS actually better to like. file them away until society works out Plastic Disposal decades from now?? #idk. also this is all SO sad to me bc brightly-colored gorpcore would otherwise be my EXACT aesthetic #i was a patagonia baggies kid and i would happily be a patagonia baggies adult but. sigh!! #honestly this entire problem is too big for me #i have just enough brain to be making myself crazy abt it but not enough brain to know how to tackle it #and honestly the solution probs isn't really individual anyway #it'll be like. scientists working out microplastics filtration and safe degradation #and textile people developing better textiles going forward #anyway. sometimes you stay up too late and yr brain starts spinning in ways that feel exciting and productive but. aren't.

[autumnhobbit]

.

#would give anything to have smaller arms #no rolls #a sharp jawline like i had for a little bit #g*d my collarbone was visible in my old pics from 2018-2020 and it shouldn't bother me but it does so so.much #i don't know what my problem is #i don't know what i expect #on the one hand i feel like its genuinely not normal to lose some daily activity and immediately gain 40-50 lbs #bc like it didnt happen to me the first time i was jobless for like nine months #but on the other hand i'm like. my mom is fat my grandma has been fat for most of her life #my grandfather's mother was stocky and according to my mom she didn't have 'a single thin aunt' #but it's constant and clothes torment me and a lot of the time i can't stand to look at my face or body #and i even cheat myself out of the rare times i do feel okay about it by comparing how i actually look to how i want to look #or think i /ought/ to look #and honestly i still don't understand how anyone tolerates me and sometimes don't believe zach can genuinely be attracted to me #(even though i know he is.) #fuck. #idk man i know it's body dysmorphic disorder. i know. #mom only thinks its not a real thing bc she has it too. #but it's so hard to maybe accept that i'm not ugly #or even if i am i don't deserve to have that fact torment me my whole life #like i have eyes?? i can see me? i know i look horrid? #and i don't want to forgive myself and tell myself its ok i look like this. #i hate how i look. i hate how i feel. but i just toss it back and forth in circles in my head ad infinitum #and drive myself insane wanting peace with my body and self #and never getting it.

[wings-of-angels]

.

#idk if this counts as a vent tw 😭😭✋ #cos it isnt exactly ??? #but talk of lik3 idk past stuff ig #idk its just its so weird thinking back on when police would come to my house nearly every week 😭😭 #like my brothet hasnt been violent or threatened violence in ages and im rlly proud of him for that yk #like i hate him but i get how hard it can be restraining ur anger and im glad hes gotten better #but damn that was an odd time 😭😭✋ #i was like... so numb during a lot of those times asw #idk cos there was an incident maybe a month ago? and it wasnt even /that/ bad but i was literally up in my room full body shaking #and idk how i dealt with it when i was younger #i was so chill about it #like '🙄😒 the police are here again better hide in my room so they dont ask me questions' kinda vibe #bro howd i go from that to literally shaking and being scared of moving and making my bed creak #like 😭😭 i wasnt even in any danger #(and the recent incident was after like months and months of nothing too bad) #(and i get it ppl regress sometimes and that shouldn't reflect negatively on their progress) #but sishskshks #and god its so tired being hypervigillent godamn #like sittinf upstairs with my phone anxiously listening to see if hed be violent and if id have to call the police #its so draining #rlly dont know how past me did it #props to them fr 🙏🙏🙏 #oop a couple tws i need to add #tw violence mention #idk if i need to add anything else actually pls tell me if i do

[itsvs]

woahhh can yall believe i took a year drop because of this specific entrance exam yet my preparations were fucking shitty now im considering i should change my courses and go for something else but idk if I'll be good enough at that even. is it okay if i just disappear from the face of earth because im THAT unworthy??

#i mean... this is clearly not a big deal it's not like i HAVE to study engineering to be successful or stuff #and i keep telling myself that other courses are good too it's not like they're not getting decent jobs too but idk im always so.. #..conflicted about my feelings for my career i just.. dont want to regret anything #like im totally not regretting not studying hard enough for this exam haha and now i cant tell what im gonna do #i just hope whatever happens... i'll be fine. that's all man i cant think straight anymore #I MEAN IM STILL YOUNG I HAVE A LOT AHEAD OF MYSELF WHY AM I SUDDENLY FRETTING ABOUT MY LIFE CHOICES #i wasted my time doing absolutely nothing and that's on me. i wish i did literally anything better than what i did back then #but it doesn't matter anymore. so maybe i shouldn't think about it. whatever i do.. i just want to be good at it. and that's all it matters #man idk what im even saying anymore so guys just ignore me <333

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

......

#i just want that rush back. how it felt when i realized he wasn't gonna hurt me n he held me to his chest n stroked my back #just tryin to calm me down instead of demanding anythin #he called me pretty. maybe it's just cause he was fucking me but still. he hasn't said that in so damn long except when he hurts me #i......guess i can kinda see why i said i loved him. i was so high on all of it. #even though it was stupid as fuck n idk if it's even true but either way i shouldn't have said it. #i wanna point fingers n say he just lovebombed me so hard i wasn't thinkin straight but. i don't think he even did #i can usually spot it when he does cause he's sayin things that are so obviously fake. even if i usually just ignore that cause i like it #this was just. the kinda affection that'd be normal from someone who actually cares for you. which is why it's so treacherous. #cause now it's all i can fucking think about i need more i need him to kiss me like that i need him to look at me like that again #i set the trap myself n strolled right in #i just. i need that rush back. i was so happy for a brief moment there. happier than i've ever been i think #it didn't last long but maybe that's cause i panicked when i said what i said. maybe if i just stop pretendin stop tryin to fight it #sometimes i feel the opposite but rn it's really hard to convince myself it's not enough that he wants me back #he doesn't hurt me when i behave but. i've never been very good at that for very long #n he'll probably get tired of me soon too. he's just lonely n nostalgic about the way things were back home. #......still though. how do i stop wanting it. wanting him. how the fuck do i stop #spdrvent

[osaemu]

GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ CAN I PUT YOU ON HOLD? ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ he picks up the phone in the middle of fucking you. NSFW

contents: fem!reader. cunniligus, lil' bit of dirty talk and more... i'm too tired to type it all out </3

author's note: idk personally i wouldn't take that.. but i guess i would if it was satoru. anywaysss enjoy

satoru's a busy man — balancing his responsibilities as a teacher and as a sorcerer is no easy task, but he finds a way to make it work.

anyone who's known him for longer than a minute can easily tell that satoru's committed to his line of work. as much as he complains about it, the truth is that it's one of his top priorities. maybe even the first one.

and you get a taste of just how devoted satoru is when he picks up the phone in the middle of fucking you. 

"hello?" satoru cooes, eyes focused on your indignant expression as he holds a finger to his lips. "yeah, i'm free to talk. what is it?"

"free to talk?" you mouth at him incredulously. satoru replies with a wink and grins, enjoying the show. you're still pinned underneath him, bedsheets haphazardly strewn across your body, and satoru savors the sight of you all needy and pouty.

"yeah, take your time," satoru says amusedly to whoever's on the other side of the phone after a moment. when you reach up and swat satoru's chest indignantly, he uses his free hand to pin your wrists above your head, a clear warning in his eyes.

after a couple of mhm's and of course's, the conversation still isn't over. your patience is waning — who is satoru to just stop in the middle of fucking you to pick up a phone call and say that he's free to talk?

you try to distract yourself by thinking about the mindblowing sex you were having just minutes ago. the longing, glassy stares; the red scratch marks down satoru's back; and of course you couldn't leave out the words.

"fuck, you're taking me so well, sweetheart." "atta girl, you're a natural slut, aren't ya?" "your pussy was made to be fucked by me, wasn't it?"

how did that turn into "yeah, make sure the higher-ups know about this, otherwise they'll give me hell for it. mhm"?

after another bland minute, satoru rolls off of you and sits up with his back against the headboard, sheets falling to expose everything from his waist up. 

you whine in impatience, glaring at him like a sullen child. satoru basically just edged you — one second you're about to get to best orgasm of your life, the next you're forced to watch your boyfriend chat on the phone nonchalantly as if he wasn't just moaning your name like a slut three minutes earlier.

satoru shoots a glare at you and pats his lap, pressing a finger to his lips as a reminder to stay quiet.

well then, he shouldn't have picked up the phone in the middle of fucking you.

you scoot yourself into his lap, purposefully positioning yourself so that your pussy just barely rubs against the head of satoru's still-dripping cock.

it's so worth it when you hear satoru inhale a sharp breath and start to squirm under you, somehow both trying to push himself inside but also trying to inch himself away. it's like he can't decide, but the way his face flushes red speaks volumes.

his voice is breathier than normal as he squeezes his watery eyes shut. "yeah yeah, that's perfect. you mind if i put y'on hold for a sec? alright, thanks."

you glance over at satoru as he retracts the phone from his ear and puts it on mute. not even a second later, he's back on you, manhandling you into a position where he can comfortably eat your pussy, a cheeky smile on his lips.

"you think you're so fucking funny, don't ya?" satoru cooes, looking up at you as he eats you out sloppily. a mixture of his saliva and your essence drips down his chin, and the lewd sounds slipping from his lips are pornworthy. the wail that slips out of your lips when satoru bites down on your thigh hard enough to leave a mark is anything but appropriate, especially when he presses his lips back to your pussy and laughs in the middle of tonguefucking you.

"fuck, you're so lucky my phone's on mute right now," satoru groans, still buried in between your thighs. "god, if my old man could hear you now—"

"your dad's on the other end of the phone?!" you gasp, swatting satoru's head and frantically reaching over him to check if the phone was actually on mute — knowing satoru, it could've just slipped his mind. intentionally.

satoru scowls, muttering a reminder for you to stay still while he eats his dessert before rolling his eyes and grumbling "what does it matter?"

"uh, that's embarrassing!" you whine. when satoru nudges his nose against you again, you reluctantly spread your thighs for him so he can continue his meal. satoru mumbles a thanks, but he doesn't respond beyond that.

"satoru!"

"what??"

"don't you have to finish your call?"

satoru sticks out his bottom lip, fixing his cerulean eyes on you and pouting. "you were just complaining about the call and now you want me to go back??"

"it's your dad, satoru," you groan, pushing his shoulders away from your legs and ignoring his protests. "you don't get any more pussy until you finish that damn call."

"i hate you."

"love you lots, baby."

satoru sighs dramatically and unmutes the call, not bothering to respond to his dad's questions with answers longer than a word or two. after another minute of this, his dad finally hangs up and satoru lets out an elated cheer.

he turns to you with a mischievous smirk. 

"now, where were we?"

#osaemu #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #jjk x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo smut #satoru gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #gojo satoru smut #satoru gojo x reader #jjk x y/n #gojo x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x y/n

[eldrichthingy]

.

#tw vent #I'm so fucking tired honestly. the work is literally killing me lmao. it's just.. the past two months have been horrible for me #maybe it's the lack of therapy. maybe it's just that I have almost no free time. maybe it's that I crave human connection but can't find it #and when I do find it. then I feel like I should've have because communication outside of irl acquaintances or family is so much more tiring #to me for some. weird reason. it's just... I'm used to these people. maybe that's why it's so hard. #I feel so guilty also. for leaving s/mblr. it happened accidentally (with tumblr deleting my acc) ofc but I just didn't want to come back #idk why. I don't feel like I should have a blog at all honestly. maybe I shouldn't have in a find place because what's the point. #what's the point if I don't communicate with people here. and it's just... I'm too tired. too scared I guees. to do that. #idk what I think I just. I just wish I could take a break at work. I'm not sure if it'll help but gods it's so exhausting. #I'm glad that tumblr exists and that I'm here though despite for what I said. it's just a safe place where I can feel slightly more alive #and interact with people. with art. yes even if it's just smallest interactions ever. but the thing is.. I feel so tired right now. and #I've been feeling like this for the long time. and I'm even too tired to be here. idk. maybe it's just not for me. #I wish that next year will treat me at least slightly better. just... everything has been feeling so overwhelming idk #eldrich.rambles #delete later

[apollo-cackling]

also wrt the whole rcm being rlly scammy thing. why tf do other instruments have to make level 6 piano before they can do their arct exam? like okay if it's like just pedagogy it might make a bit of sense I guess but requiring level 6 piano for a performer diploma is like ????

also any justification feels a bit thin when you remember that you're paying them $200 CAD for a level 6 exam huh

#my rambles #piano #if anything they should require pianists to make idk level 5 in another instrument before they let us do arct #I say this as a pianist us pianists can be insufferable about other instruments lol #the hegemony piano has is honestly so annoying #hard mode: don't allow us to do violin as the other instrument #there's too many goddamn violins and too many goddamn pianos lol #extra hard mode: force us to learn viola if we really want to do strings #in my experience the distribution for strings is 'too many fucking violins' 'a healthy amount of cellos' and 'literally no violas' #again I think the 'forcing a person to learn an entire-ass other instrument if they want to do arct - WHICH WE ARE PAYING YOU FOR #- is dumb #'pay us for the privilege of paying us more' #but like. if you really were to do that then you really shouldn't be forcing other instruments to learn piano #piano has hegemony enough #but forcing pianists to learn other instruments，preferably not violin #and maybe forcing violins to learn viola #again too many goddamn pianos and too many goddamn violins #fantasising about a world where we have too many idk bassoons and oboes

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

…

#it really sucks when everything someone hates about you is just a list of your autism traits #my brother moved back in about a month ago and he's been relentless in his attack of my every single personality trait of mine #and I'll be honest #it's hard to live laugh love when someone is constantly needling you about things you worked hard to be okay with about yourself #like literally everything he points out are just my autism traits #and like yeah he doesn't KNOW about my autism because only very few people know #and maybe if he did know he wouldn't be such an asshole about my flat affect or lack of facial expressions #or my rigidity or need for routine or literally just anything about me that is tied to my autism #but idk maybe I'm asking for too much but i think you shouldn't have to explain something about you with some diagnosis #for someone to be okay with it #it just idk set me back and his behavior reminds me of how my dad used to be #and how bullies were too #and it just makes me sad to realize that a lot of the reasons why people haven't liked me throughout my life #have been things i can't help about myself #like i knew rationally that this was the case #but seeing it in practice now that i know what ia happening is just another level of disheartening

[colognedecigarette]

i seem to have fallen into some kind of a rabbit hole and losing me mind at a worrying pace. people call wearing henna a cultural appropriation? when at this point it's been spread to so many different countries, all with their different takes of its usage and meaning?? why and how??? because as far as am aware the indian and arab* sailors and traders back in the day were happy to share what they got on pretty much every port they found themselves in, including henna, because ... that's kinda the point. like, yeah, am sure there are groups to whom henna holds a significant cultural and/or religious meaning, or at the very least have specific patterns that are. and there's bound to be just as many groups to whom henna is just a decorative kinda thing, to be worn for festivities or for fun, for those afternoons you're kinda bored and got too much time on your hands.

at this point you can't even call wearing henna a form of CA just based off one or two regions due to their specific meanings alone; there's like, a whole continent and a half to consider, with even the latest import happening, like, during the single or at most double-digit century. that's fucking old. not as old as like, egypt or even india sure, but still old enough to have fully be ingrained in their own cultures.

*singling out indians and arabs bc they were the two actors most relevant to how my people got introduced to henna in the first place. idk about others, lol.

#idk how to tag this am just way too baffled #like i don't like the question ''wheres the line?'' in topics pertaining to CA bc i've heard it's used mostly by people #who just outright don't see or even admit that CA is an actual issue and its many implications + negative effects #but for this one i really just start wondering: wheres the line? #if even stuff willingly shared -- from way back when even!! -- is considered CA bc the wearer doesn't fit the assumed owner #like it's hella petty but i really did genuinely start thinking like‚ #'' what‚ you're going to call non-indian hindus/buddhist cultural appropriator too? or non-arab muslims?'' #like mates ... i know it may seem hard to believe today ... #and am not saying that conquest and forced assimilation didn't happen back in the day ... #but people really did and do willingly and freely share aspects of their own cultures with others. #for no reason other than to be like ''hey isn't this thing of ours cool? ye want some?'' and the other party going ''hell yea lesgoooo'' #like idk if you don't even have the surface-level knowledge of how things got where and why‚ #then maybe you shouldn't be the arbitrer of what's CA and what isn't. #especially when claiming so inadvertently makes you step on other people's toes. #and by toes i do mean cultures.

[noxtivagus]

i'll succeed with everything. definitely.

#🌙.vent #last one fr then i think i have enough energy to fix my account. bcs. i don't really care. anymore. gna gaslight myself into being fine 🤍 #smiling felt painful earlier but oh well! this is stupid anyways i shldn't think too much. this is so stupid #i have so much thoughts but yk what i will stop writing n force myself to do wtvr the fuck n yh fuck everything i'll stop overthinking i'll #just be myself. i thrive the most when i just be myself <3.. no wait i was gen doing a bit better but every time i think back n. 🥹 it Hurts #but. why the hell am i letting these stupid things bring me down. i've never really been the type to hide or bring myself down or. yeah #i shouldn't think too much on it all i know eventually i'll always succeed :< that said tho i am rlly v tired i just wna be invisible #for a while. see what'll happen if i just disappear or cut myself off from the world. if anything wld change if i'll be 'gone' in some way #but no that's bad n destructive behavior i Shouldn't but sometimes when i get stressed enough i lack any care to. stop myself maybe. but. #i made promises to myself. a lot of promises to myself in my past n to my future that. i won't do anything i'll regret. holding unto tmrrw. #the future. holding unto that sense of hope has kept me alive. even if i'll always be full of regret and disappointment i want to live to #to love and to succeed and to be free and to. fight the world & find my freedom in reality. thats hard for me n i probably dont deserve it #maybe that's precisely why i'll forge on ahead. to prove that wrong. to be kind to the other part of me that has kept me alive #it sucks bcs while. like i just said i don't think i deserve certain things. at heart i know my main truth wld be that ik i'm deserving #bcs i'm human too :< but both ends r just intense in my head n when times r draining it gets harder to. yeah #idk what i'm writing anymore but no matter how hard it gets i need to succeed. i need to improve i need something better #i'll work hard enough so i could be at peace. have freedom in my own way. 'fly' as i'm meant to and as i've always wished to #that said though ik i'll succeed in terms of several of my passions but when it comes to people.... i always feel like i fail there T_T #every time i'm distant i'm aware of how it affects me negatively but then i try to deny it at times bcs 'i just need myself blah blah' #surely i can't be weak for. wtvr but like. all that is smth that is not up to me. trying that w how i oft feel i don't belong in this world #i can't help but think that there'll always be better ppl than me for others. not that i think low of myself but its hard to feel i 'fit in #? it's a lonely world for me n i still can relate w others n socialize n wtvr n all but it just hurts. this is stupid :c thoughts like #'my friends wld be better off without me' or 'i dont contribute much anyways' & 'not much would change if i'll be gone' hurt me bcs #i do want to believe that i'm loved & cared for too in this world but.. it hurts its one of my weakest points. a hell i can't escape. #but i'm fine with it. it's my fault. my mind's fault. idk i live in my own lil world most of the time n i feel too different from others #so it's always been hard for me to reach out since i don't think it would be particularly wanted from me but i do love helping others #unconditionally n. my family's always been here from the start i can always trust them. fuck my old friends though i have trust issues #i'm working on that n i know all i shld technically fix w myself but it's easier said than done n. genuinely i rlly want to improve. #but i wonder if i'm too harsh n perfectionistic about it. making it counterintuitive. sigh. idk what i'm writing anymore i'm a mess #i'm fine. when i'm stressed n overwhelmed it's just v easy for me to lose sight of myself. i'll be fine i think soon. just need to remember

[luvxiem]

anyways gonna reward myself for making it thru midterms by buying myself a treat and watching luca vods 🥰

#thinking abt either getting a new purse or buying the aurora runaway pack in sky #sol.txt #or a new switch game #idk yet tho #i'm just really sleepy ;;;; #i have to finish this about page and my project detail page first #shouldn't be too complicated... i hope #the landing page is what's fucking me in the ass rn 😭 these trigger animations suck #also why is centering things on the web so hard #also off topic but i finally cut my nails after having them long for like a month #i got gel extensions w my mom a lil while ago #baby blue french tips with a white band on the bottom !! super cute #will def get that design again just maybe not as gel extensions #gonna try and just grow my natural nails out instead and get a gel manicure #i got so fucking irritated w the long nails that i just ended up ripping them off :/ couldn't do shit w them on