#like my entire family is christians

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[bugscufflebi]

Capitalism creates a society of self interest rather than communal good. It takes us to the place of animals; vicious competition between each other, rather than the acknowledgement that God has provided more than enough plenty for all of us. In capitalism we hold ourselves to the hierarchy of beasts and we build societies that are little more than towers to stupidity. When “Christians” reconcile the message of Christ with the society created by corporate oligarchy they are becoming those who will be spewed from his mouth.

#yes I’m a Christian #it shocks people a lot of times because they really like me and that makes me very sad #I 100% understand it though and trust me as a queer woman in a very strict Christian family i experienced some shit #I definitely disconnected from the faith entirely for a long time #but God is for the gays my guy #God is for everyone #God is for the gays #Christian #religion #religious #theology #capitalism #economics

[scattered-winter]

i want sooooo badly to lash out and pull away from everyone but the god damn people pleaser in me .

#sorry to make two personal posts in as many hours but man . #i dont want to go to the family gathering. i dont want to talk to people. i dont want to celebrate holidays. #i dont want to do ANY of this i want to be left alone. smfhhhhhhhhhhhh. #(all this is in context with irl family btw. friends in phone ilysm this doesnt apply to u <3) #like i get that we're all grieving together or whatever. but i want to stop being civil about it. #everyone in my family is very religious and theyre using god and church to cope with this. as people do. #but im NOT religious im in fact the only one in the entire family who's NOT religious and i am not comforted by any of that. #''we need to be grateful for this trial that jesus has given us'' ok well what if i set something on fire. #i just. want to fight someone. bloody fists blood in my mouth kinda fight. #none of this ''good christian sadness'' shit i want to fucking fight someone. biting and clawing like a wild animal because i feel like one #et cetera. #this is senseless and meaningless don't mind me i just donnnnt wanna go to the family gatherings <//3 #its like. everyone's SO determined to pretend like everything's fine and normal. carrying on with things like every other year. #and i get that theyre trying to deal with this shit but things are NOT normal. they will in fact never again be normal. #idk. i need to punch someone. i need someone to punch me. and then i need to be alone by myself for 300 years. #winter speaks #personal

[charliecuntcicle]

i love you italian characters who struggle with their relationship with catholicism (or lack of relationship)

#italian characters with complicated religious beliefs mean sooo much to me as an italian who isnt catholic #im hellenic but my family was catholic #my mother wasnt as religious as the rest of them so i was raised going to a more laid back community christian church and wasnt baptized #but theres evidence of my very catholic family scattered throughout the house #we have an entire shelf full of bibles because it was tradition for every person in the family to have their own #my mother uses her confirmation name when giving her full name despite not being catholic #she also hangs a rosary from her rearview mirror #my relationship w catholicism is strange #i long for it but i dont believe in it #i want the connection and shared experience of the vast majority of italians but i believe in and love my own gods dearly #i like the idea of the community catholics speak of. but i know i would not be accepted in those communities #for various reasons #i got off track and forgot who this post was supposed to be about #i think maybe i was thinking about helena throwing away her cross?? but then i just started thinking about myself

[gxlden-angels]

I know we all hate bitch ass Calvin and his pre-determination, but I just learned the term Arminian and think we should show homeboys Jacobus Arminius and John Wesley some hate too <3

#If you ever heard of 'backsliding' in church it's because of them #if you id as an apostate it's because of them #If you were ever told you couldn't become unsaved unless you rejected/denied Jesus entirely it's because of them #They're essentially seen as the mid point between Calvinist and other beliefs #Where you're pre-determined to go to Hell unless you become saved by your own free will #but human free will is evil or whatever #Wesley is the one who made it 'perfectionist' apparently #where if you desire/have the urge to sin you're not christian enough #you have to repent and give yourself away so much that you don't even wanna sin anymore #you also don't wanna do anything anymore tho so..... #I'm reading the wiki page for pentecostal rn and 'Baptized with the Holy Spirit' is sending me into flashbacks holy shit #I think my ex pastor said that every single service #these are also the fruit of the spirit/spiritual gifts folks #I've been saying my family is non-denom with baptist. methodist. and pentecostal influences #turns out they're pentecostal with baptist and methodist influences #including influences from things like IBLP. SBC. and IFB #shits fucked y'all #ex christian #religious trauma

[killingjoke]

usamerican ex muslim who thinks catholics are all god fearing vampire hunters because the band my chemical romance told them that but as a good thing

#i did not know my catholic family much growing up #v #this certainly does sound like a situation um um yeeah. wild. #i actually am more interested in learning about christianity being back on the east coast because tbh the pnw is borderline soulless. #and what can i say.... i enjoy learning #im not entirely ignorant of course i know the basics... i live here dont i. #and my mothers somewhat vast religious knowledge. she is very interesting to talk to.

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[inkedmyths]

(drags hand down face) When there's Christian proselytizing blazed on the dash...

#ink thinks #christianity mention #the thing is this one is just. sad to me? #like ive had some in the past that are just outright hateful #this one though... this one is less outright and just strikes me as someone who like. #can't bear the thought of losing out on the relationships they've had their entire life? #fuck man i just. i spent so much of my time at church in my last months of going just. miserable. #that part of my family wanted me to be something i'm not. and they tried so damn hard to push me into that shape #yet i often wonder what would have happened to me if i didn't have my mom's non-religious perspective on the world #would i have cracked under the pressure of needing my family and forced myself to be a perfect cookie cutter mormon? #i sure spent most of my last years w/my dad doing everything i could to keep up appearances while i was there #idk man. i hope that poster takes some time to reflect. bc it really does sound like someone doing this #bc if they don't then the people that have always loved them will love them less. maybe even stop loving them. #and also god i hope they realize how much internalized homophobia and transphobia they have christ almighty #...so funny of me to use christian exclamations while complaining abt christianity. anyways

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

sooooo……. there’s some ConversationTM* going around the theology (and adjacent) girlies tonight and it’s got me very intrigued—are there really more options than just Calvinist/Arminian?? bc I’ve always been raised with this idea that those are The Two Options regarding salvation theology and how exactly it all plays out. but apparently that’s…. not the case??

Iwill add that yes, Molinism is a thing that exists, and I know of exactly one guy who’s a theologian and philosopher and who believes in that lol. it’s not exactly a super common alternative to the others. and then I do believe Catholics have a slightly separate view as well, but I’m mainly just talking about soteriology within Protestant theology here anyway.

*(I won’t say ‘DiscourseTM’ bc that seems more antagonistic than what I’m seeing around here rn; everything seems to be in good faith and just for the sake of pointing out minor discrepancies atm)

#I will add that I’ve largely been raised in Baptist churches but my family is… not really that #we’re definitely a bit more wesleyanish in our theology #and that’s what I’ve always been taught at home from my own parents #but I definitely was also always under the impression (and I think my parents may be as well) that Calvinism/Arminianism is like. a binary. #you are one or the other. and there are levels within each. but there aren’t really any third options. all denominations trace back there. #(tbh this is a huge reason why I desperately wish I had been given better theological training when I was younger #because suddenly I’m an adult and quite set in my views and opinions theology and also have a long-standing Fite Me sort of mentality #towards Bible teachers in general due to some very unethical ones we encountered a Lot throughout my childhood #and a tendency to want to die on the smallest and most arbitrary theological hills imaginable #AND an extremely strong adherence to a set of theological tenets that… I am recently discovering possibly aren’t at all what the people who #taught them to me thought they were… #so like. now in a lot of ways it feels like I’m basically having to unlearn and relearn a bunch of extremely basic stuff about all this #while also dealing with the constant fear of ‘giving up’ and either leaving the faith entirely or embracing a completely foreign brand #that’s not at all what I was raised with and still do hold to be true and accurate and good) #gurt says stuff #theology #religon #christianity #faith #knitting circle

[mielgf]

guys how do i come out to my two christian roommates as an atheist please help

#they’ve invited me to so many of their church events #and talk to me about their church get togethers and Sunday service and what not #and i’m just here like… i have literally stepped in a church for religious reasons one time in my entire life #and it was for a baptism when i was like 8 #otherwise i have never EVER done anything church related and i have zero interest in it #i’ve just been gently declining their invites but i feel like i actually need to tell them i’m an atheist 😭 #the worst part is idek how they’d take it ajxisjxj like ALL of their friends and family are christian too it’s wild #whereas me? all of my friends and family are atheists like we have just lived two very different lives #i know this should not be a big deal at all but again they keep speaking to me as if i am also christian but like… no i am not friends #my one roommates was so sad that i don’t have family in the city to celebrate easter with and invited me to her church lunch and i was like #oh it’s okay… ahaha… don’t worry!! #i appreciate her being so kind and inviting me i really do but it’s just like this is not me!! my family hardly does easter so this is #just a weekend for me!! it’s okay!! i’m totally fine not doing stuff!! #talk time

[castielmacleod]

Me, a Scot: Oh so 4x07 is going to have a character named Samhain, that’s neat, I wonder if they’ll say it the Scottish way or the Irish way

Top-billed CW actors Jensen Ross AckIes and Jared Tristan PadaIecki, saying it: SAM HAYNE

Me, a Scot:

#Spn #4x07 #It’s SAH-vin by the way. At least in Scottish Gaelic #The “mh” makes a V sound (roughly) #In Irish Gaelic it’s SA-win I believe but I’m not as familiar there #Irish comrades feel free to chime in <3 #My posts #Scotlandnatural #It’s not that I’m surprised this farce of a show didn’t research how to correctly pronounce the word but it’s just one more imbecilic thing #To say nothing of Sam’s description of Samhainn as a holiday lmfaooo #Also I’m very aware this is far from the worst adaptational affront the show has done with non-Christian cultures. Like I’m also desi #An entire half of my family is Hindu. I did unfortunately witness Hammer of the Gods #To say nothing of every other butchered culture and traditional beliefs this show fucked over in some deeply upsetting ways #But every end of October I spend on here I ALWAYS remember 4x07 and having to listen to those Texas men #say SAM HAYNE #repeatedly. So here we are lol #To be clear I’m not a pagan or Wiccan or anything I have a passing interest in historical Celtic paganism but that’s about it

[morewyckedthanyou]

so it's 1 am and i am writing job applications (don't worry i will only email them at a normal time when normal people are supposed to do things). 😑

what i'd actually want to do is write fanfiction (a full length continuation to my silly lawrusso au drabbble with young johnny and older daniel in fact) but i physically can't make myself do it because my anxiety about needing to fill out these job applications is so big.

#also i have been so busy with all kinds of christmas related bullshit that has only added to my anxiety and i am so tired #i feel like crap #i haven't really had the time for anything i actually enjoy for days and i need to do things i enjoy to feel better #but i can't fucking do those things because i feel too bad when there are these other actually important things to do #which i haven't done bc i have been doing these christmas related things like cleaning & christmas shopping #also fun fact i actually LOATHE christmas #but bc it is everywhere and my family is christian and everyone i know irl celebrates i need to pretend like i care too #and decorate and buy christmas gifts and clean and listen to shitty christmas songs every time i visit any store #all this energy could be used for something else entirely but instead it's used for this and i am at my fucking limit #personal #pls ignore i needed to rant to feel even slightly better

[aldieb]

this website is really laying all its cards on the table with that one popular post that says “christians/atheists” can reblog. like yeah seems similar enough to lump together with a slash in between, good to go. i don’t have beef with the post itself but come on

#text tag #like again i fully agree that i can go in the cultural christian bucket bc i haven’t abandoned some of my family’s practices but this #attitude is the height of offensive and patronizing to atheists who have either been atheist their entire lives or came from a non-christian #religion. not to mention the ppl who have cut themselves off from christianity in every way often due to serious suffering and abuse and get #to hear that there will always be an ontological mark on them that they can never escape

[chaoticwholesome]

.

#not a super venty post but. one of my big regrets after my grandparents passed was that i didnt get to keep her star of david necklace #my family would have thought it suspect if i wanted that but not the crucifix jewelry #christianity has never felt comfortable to me and ive been agnostic for years but like #yeah idk man i'd love to connect with my jewish roots a bit more? sadly my entire living family is christian #and i have no idea when my paternal grandmother or her mother converted to xtianity #just gonna slowly keep doing my reading about judaism but if anyone has recs for Babys First Jewish stories/research im happy to hear it! #(childrens media recs encouraged)

[suttttton]

me 🤝 my mom undiagnosed anxiety disorders

#the older i get the clearer it becomes that me and my mom catastrophize about things very similarly #difference is i found healthy coping mechanisms while my mom found homophobic death cult evangelical christianity #of course this realization makes me feel very bad for my mom because like. i get it. #she tells me that she worries about me and i know she doesn't mean the normal way moms worry about their kids i know she actually means #that she has a creeping suspicion that my life choices are going to send me to hell and she feels powerless to stop it #and her brain will not let her think about anything else so 24/7 its just alarms blaring #and because she's constructed her entire belief system around having anxiety she's like. this fear i feel is a message from god. #and i have no idea how to help her #like???? #she's literally believed these things fro her entire life giving them up feels like the end of the world #and her WHOLE FAMILY is there with her so even if she could realize she'd be happier without these beliefs #she'd immediately have a dozen trusted voices telling her no actually. your anxiety is correct and you're right to afraid all the time #for awhile when i was like. 18-19. the major question i had about my childhood was WHY didn't my mom never take me to therapy #because yeah okay she came from a culture where therapy isn't trusted and god is supposed to fix all your mental illnesses #but she read all the parenting books and universally took experts' advice over what she'd learned from her own parents #(because she knew her parents hadn't done a great job and didn't want to repeat their mistakes) #and she KNEW i was REALLY bad. i was crying all the time having her drive me to the bookstore to get books i thought might help #sending myself into anxious spirals if anyone mentioned death around me #not a fun time in my life or her life #and she DID take me to talk to my pediatrician about it so like??? why did we never see a therapist??? #i was 9 i though there was just nothing that could be done but???????? #but now i realize that what happened to me back then didn't really scan in my mother's head as something wrong with me #because she was the same way #:/

[ricketysticks]

still forever salty that red dead 2 came so close to the depiction of repentance and faith in God but missed the mark just by that much. redemption is literally in the name. ugh

#I'm not going as far to call it a Christian or godly game by any means but I still see all the potential it had to be and how it will foreve #forever be my interpretation of it. how it could've been a story about a man that's murdered and threatened and thieved and lied his entire #life and slowly begins to see the wickedness in himself and the people he calls family. #and being constantly conflicted about this realization over the course of the game and believing that he could never be redeemed. #until he finally comes to Christ right as he draws his last breath. #UGH i'm so emo about it. #even the scripture etched onto his grave. like the writers probably put that there in an entirely cultural christian lens without #considering the depth of that verse but i still hope regardless it happened to be someone on the team that was christian and had a similar #vision for the story. #i think this is why arthur is probably in the top 3 of my favorite fictional characters. #he just is so close to hitting the mark. he very much feels like a man so weighed down by his sin that he cannot consider the concept of #sanctification. #but then he does anyway.