#like my sleep schedule is already fucked and im Awake now so.....
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#so for the last like. as long as i can remember. ive had a shit sleep schedule#mostly like sleep all day and stay up all night kinda shit#but i got sick/burnt out recently and slept for almost two days straight#and somehow it reset my sleep schedule to something normal#like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days#and i havent had to nap#and the not needing to nap is really fucking with me#like im used to waking up. feeding my dog. and then napping until i go to work#i should be napping rn. but im not tired#i dont have to get ready for work for another four hours and ive already been awake for three hours#i went to the coffee shop and to walgreens. im in real clothes instead of pajamas. i did a load of laundry#im laying in bed (its so hot i might be dying) and i just. dont know what to do with my time#im probably gonna do some cleaning and packing because im moving in two months#idk im just feeling some strange type of way because for the last few days ive been. alive#instead of sleeping my life away#its so strange. i got sick. slept for a few days. and now my biggest problem is just fixed? and i can have a life now?#its 70 degrees today and the world is my oyster. what should i do?#i have a list of chores im gonna do. i might walk to the coinstar machine so ill have money#yeah i want to do that cuz im in the negatives in my bank account but i want to get a cool drink before work today#my dad texted me this morning 'noticed your bank account is overdrawn for the second time this week. whats going on kid?'#which is such a sad text to get because i know im broke. thanks dad. lets pls ignore my financial hardships#if you want to make my dad less sad hmu for my venmo /hj#anyways ill probs do that today. get some cash so i can get a frozen lemonade from wawa or something#yknow that post thats like 'seasonal depression seems fake until its 50 degrees in march and it feels like you took a party drug'#i think thats partially whats happening here. its 70 degrees and sunny and my systems dont know what to do with that#i hope youre all having a great day that you dont sleep through. i love you!!
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can u do something where reader has a cat and ethan is meeting it for the first time!!
RAHHH!!! this is so fucking cute omg......
Cuddle Buddie
Ethan Landry x Reader || m.list
Warnings: it's just all fluff
word count: 1.1k
the urge to write this week is so high right now!!!! (tumblr fr fr giving me a hard time while writing this)
did not proof read (im so stressed this wont save again)
You haven't seen your boyfriend in about a week, with his classes and your scheduling time together seemed difficult. So, you both agreed that he would come over Saturday after he was done at work.
It was Tuesday and you were already done with classes, sitting in your shared apartment with Tara, Sam, and Mindy you sat on the couch mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Your eyes landed on a post about someone giving away kittens, the post had said they would give the kitten the shots it needed and would give them away for fairly cheap.
One thing led to another, and you stood outside the ladies' house with Tara. "I can't believe I'm doing this." Tara shared the same excitement as you did, she stood next to you jumping up and down as the lady brought the kitten out.
it was a small gray cat asleep in her arms, and your heart melted the second you saw him. All curled up, what an angle. "He is just a babe" You reached in and held him yourself. "Ethan is going to flip when he sees him" Tara was right next to you softly petting the top of the cat's head.
-
A few days had passed, the kitten was getting used to the apartment and exploring the place. You and Tara both realized that he was in love with biting people's feet.
Ethan was supposed to come over today and meet the kitten. He actually had no idea still that you had gotten him.
He was eventually on his way; it was after his econ class so it was already late. you were getting some dinner ready for the two of you, Tara was out with Chad and Sam was out with Danny. you were excited that it was going to be just the two of you.
You had left the kitten in your room not wanting Ethan to walk in right away and see the little fur ball.
After thirty minutes the front door lock clicked, with the door opening right after. Ethan came walking in with a huge smile on his face. "hey, baby" he was towards you, his hand reaching your waist pulling you in for a sweet quick kiss.
"hey, how was econ?" you smile as you watch him set his keys, and backpack down. He comes back to you standing next to you as you stir the pasta sauce.
"It was pretty good, we got a pop quiz which I was not excited about but I feel like I passed it" you held up the spoon for him to taste it. He gladly took the spoon humming at the flavors.
"Wow, that's-" Right as he was about to speak a loud crash came from your room. Your heart picked up thinking what the kitten had gotten himself into. "What was that?"
"OH, ow you faked touching the pot which caused him to jump. He rushed to you to make sure you were okay, as you held your fake burnt hand, he took it from you to look at it. The sound from the room was long forgotten.
time had passed and you were both down with food, you were finally ready to show Ethan the kitten. "So actually, I have something I wanted to show you" you got up from the couch leaving him alone, running to your room you found the kitten sleeping in his tower.
"I honestly didn't fully expect this, but you know why not" Ethan was listen to your talk, his brain was running miles while trying to figure out what you were going to show him. Just as he had given up you came walking out with some weird lump in your arms.
As you got closer, he realized it was a kitten "Oh my god is that-" he sat up so fast, shifting his body so it was closer to you as you sat down. The kitten was awake, he was just chilling in your arms but once he was Ethan, he started to move so he could smell him.
He slowly but surely got out of your arms and into Ethan's lap, he looked at him for a moment before he started to mess with Ethan's hand as he was trying to pet him. "Yeah, I got him a few days ago, I went with Tara. I saw someone post about them and I just had to check it out."
Ethan was so lost in playing with the kitten he almost didn't hear you. "This is adorable, babe oh god I love him already" You smiled at the interaction between the two. "I just know for sure we are going to be fighting for your attention" Ethan looked at you smiling as the kitten kept biting his hand.
They played for the next thirty minutes, the kitten jumped around as Ethan threw his toys around, and moving to the floor the kitten would hide under the couch and bite Ethan's feet. Staying out of it your heart was so full seeing Ethan play with the kitten. You just knew it was a good idea to get him and you can't wait for the late nights like this to come in the future.
#jack champion#ethan landry#ethan landry imagine#ethan landry x reader#scream vi#jack champion imagine#jack champion x reader#spider avatar#ethan landry smut#ghost face x reader#avatar spider#ethan landry x you#spiderman ethan landry#spiderman
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zb1 giving you partner privileges … !
> pairings: non-idol!zb1 x fem!reader
> warnings: lowercase intended, not proofread
> song recommendation: mori by dawid podsiadlo (its in polish but u gotta listen to it fr)
> note: i started my exams today … two more to go !!
김 jiwoong.
THE PRIVILEGE IS REAL
im being so fr 😭
when literally anyone tries to take something from him, JUST BORROW FOR A SEC he immediately turns D:
except when its you
you could take (over) this mans whole life (you already did) and he wouldn’t even complain
hes THAT whipped
girl TRUST ☠️
“hey jiwoong, i wondered if i could borrow your charger for a sec, mine just stopped wor-“ rickys sentence got cut short by jiwoongs whine
HOMEBOY SNATCHED THAT CHARGER AWAY FROM HIM
“jiwoong, my sweet !! i thought i could use your laptop. i need to get some work done real quick”
jiwoong immediately gives u the laptop no hesitations
trust me if he could give you his all time life savings along with that laptop HE WOULD
(pls do i kinda need money 💯)
“can i use ur cologne jiwoong pls” “no”
BUT IF ITS YOU
“hey jiwoong!! i thought your cologne smelt really nice and wondered if i could spray a little on myself too!!”
shows u all colognes he has ever bought
EVEN THE EMPTY BOTTLES
“u can choose. the one i used today is this one :D”
later gives u like 2-3 of his STILL FULL colognes that you liked the smell of cause “i dont need that many anyways”
장 hao.
he’s serious about his sleeping
trust me.
he gets so mad when someone disturbs him in his slumber
and he’s also very difficult to wake up 😭
seriously
“hao u really should wake up…”
*snores*
“hao pls we have a schedule in 30 minutes”
*snores*
jiwoong you should just give up atp 🧍🏻♀️
“literally wake up what the fuck”
and let me tell y’all
when someone other than you miraculously manages to wake his ass up
he’ll just straight up yell at them
“SHUT UP” yes throw that pillow hao ‼️
but you
your voice has something that immediately wakes him up in his best mood
rainbows around his head and allat yk yk
every time when it’s you waking him up TRUST ME you’ll never see a morning pout on his face
you could literally beat his ass awake and he’d have nothing against it ☠️
he gets all soft and allat … yeah cute babe hao
his members r fucking confused cause what he so whipped for
can u see the what the fuck expression on jiwoongs face ??
HE JUST SIGHS
HE OFFICIALLY GAVE UP YALL
he’s in love like that
giving you privileges LIKE THAT …
also his morning i love yous … hi I need a bf quick
he’s a 10/10 boyfriend btw 💋
성 hanbin.
the amount of privilege you get as hanbins partner …
he literally pays for your every single thing
u saw that new pretty skirt while window shopping ??
“honey, want me to buy it for you?”
no matter your answer he in fact always does buy it
ur on a date in that cute new caffe ??
“hey, choose what you want. ill pay.”
SO HOT 💔
“hanbin !! this necklace is pretty, isn’t it ??”
“yeah, pretty neat” and the necklace is at your door 2 days later
basically your human wallet
of course its not like u demand from him to pay for you, he just does
and hanbin really enjoys buying you things and making you happy btw ‼️
cute
but when it’s his members 😭
oh hell naw he ain’t having it
“hanbin could you pls pay for me I forgot my wallet”
AND HE JUST GLARES
sighs
and sometimes SOMETIMES he does pay for his members but it’s like
once in a blue moon literally
“hanbin do you maybe want to buy me that new, cool game (whatever games he fucking plays) ??” GYUVIN BABE YOU KNOW THE ANSWER
“no” LMAOO
“oh no !! i ran out of money on apple pay …” you just wanted to buy keys on subway surfers 😕
hanbin IMMEDIATELY charges your apple pay with … a lot of money. you can buy a lot of keys now. are you happy.
GYUVIN SEES IT ALL AND IS OFFENDED ☠️
석 matthew.
i get a feeling that as long as matthew enjoys physical affection, he’s not that big on hair touching ?? like yk
he probably won’t let his members touch his hair very often
i dont know i just feel like he wouldn’t like it
“matthew, u got something on your hair” gunwook tries to pick whatever shit landed on his head
MATTHEW GRASPS HIS HAND HALFWAY 😭
GUNWOOK LITERALLY HISSES IN PAIN MATTHEW CHILL PLS PLs pLS
“i can do it myself” okay mr serious ?? gunwook literally didn’t ask
its not that serious, it was never that serious 💯
BUT WHEN YOURE IN THE PICTURE
you really like touching his hair
it’s so soft and allat
and sometimes you just randomly place ur hand on his head
he tenses up FOR A LITTLE SECOND and then softens up cause he realizes it’s you
SO CUTE 💔
lets you touch it for however long you want
matthew just doesn’t mind
ALSO
when you kiss his hair while ur hand is on his head he gets all shy and covered in blush 😭
kisses u back …
can u imagine what he’d do if instead of you it was one of the boys
HED THROW HANDS I CAN FUXKING TELL
honestly i dont see matthew as an aggressive (?) type of guy but when it comes to his hair ☠️
김 taerae.
we all know taeraes fashion sense is a bit … yeah.
basically it’s kinda bad
but that boy doesn’t let ANYONE literally anyone style him
“taerae i dont think these red pants fit well with that shirt …” hao just tried to give him some advice
and taerae just ignores his words 😭
“no taerae, don’t but these shoes, they won’t go with anything”
“stfu” BYE
but you ………
of course you love your precious bf but
sometimes you just can’t stand how off his outfits look 💔
”hm taerae… i dont think this shirt fits these cargos! maybe you could wear this white one?”
changes in the blink of an eye ‼️
“do i look better, sweetheart ??”
YES YES YOU DO
he’s so cute pls
he’s ready to change his whole outfit if you ask him to
“taerae i don’t think this outfit suits a date night…”
it’s not like you demand him to change, you just simply share your opinion
WHICH HE FUCKING RESPECTS
maybe even a little too much 😭
so whipped
guess who has head over heels for you
definitely not taerae
“taerae, my sweet !! these pants have too many bright colors, don’t you think they won’t suit anything you have ??”
“oh! maybe you’re right. thank you, sweetheart”
NAH BYW
리키 ricky.
he’s so in love that the amount of privileges he gives you is fucking enormous, im fr
but we’ll focus on one
ricky never lets ANYONE go through his phone 🙏🏼
he doesn’t hide anything or sth
he just doesn’t like when people go through his things, especially without his permission
“what the fuck are you doing with my phone, yujin” in a matter of 0.5 seconds rickys phone is not in yujins hands anymore
poor boy just wanted to check the weather 💔
“hey ricky, can i check something in your phone ?? mine just died”
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HANBIN
“no” as simple as that 😭
“oh ricky … i also wanted to check my gmail real quick but its o-“
he doesn’t let you finish and just hands you his phone
HANBIN IS OFFENDED (who wouldn’t 😭 this looks like some kind of prejudice)
oh my god how things change when it comes to you …
basically you have more access to his phone than ricky himself
sometimes it even comes to you literally using his phone all day. literally whole 24 hours 💯
AND HE DOESNT COMPLAIN AT ALL ??
like literally no complaints whatsoever. zero. none. 0. FUXKING NULL.
his members r like what the fuck because like
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THEM
yall sometimes also like to switch phones for a day
the amount of pictures you take on his phone 😭
so whipped that he deletes NONE of them ‼️🙏🏼
김 gyuvin.
yes i do know i use this theme a lot while writing for gyuvin but i just cant help leave me alone pls
okay we all know gyuvin likes gaming
but he’s real serious about that …
if you’re not (y/n) don’t even think of disturbing him while he’s gaming 😭
HED LASH OUT TRUST
“gyuvin do you want som-“ taerae can’t even finish because gyuvin starts fucking throwing hands at him
“im kinda busy yk.” yes. yes we know.
HE DOESNT EVEN LET ANYONE TOUCH HIM ?? LIKE AT ALL ☠️
oh such a discord mod he is (im joking btw..)
but if it’s you …
oh girl i envy you this kind of boyfie 😕‼️
when you’re near him while he’s gaming he’d literally play with his headset only half on
yk in case you need something from him
so cute and so hot at the same time 🧍🏻♀️
he’d abandon his game for you
AND IM SERIOUS WHEN I SAY ABANDON
GIRL TRUST 💯
and ..
he lets you sit on his lap too ??
oh lawd have mercy 🙏🏼
when u sit on his lap he would literally play with one hand just to rub soothing circles on your back …
pls i need a therapist 💋
박 gunwook.
gunwook really doesn’t like when someone disturbs him while he’s focused on something
i mean its kinda obvious ??
probably no one does lmao 😭
he’s ready to throw hands even if it’s something way more important than the thing he’s focused on
IM SERIOUS ONG ‼️
“gunwook, can you stop what you’re doing for a while?” jiwoong asks with a pretty serious tone
“i can’t” WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING UP FROM HIS BOOK ?
not good … 💔
jiwoong im so sorry you’re probably so done by now
but if it’s you … !!!!!
“gunwook…” you whine, feeling kinda bored and alone today
AND HE IMMEDIATELY SHIFTS HIS WHOLE ASS ATTENTION TO YOU
god, teenager in love ‼️
he doesn’t really want to abandon what he’s doing rn as gyuvin does so he just
divides the attention 💯
…
sits you on his lap
OR SOMETIMES EVEN ON HIS DESK 😭
holds you by ur waist and just simply
plants kisses all over your cheeks
do I need to say his members r kinda disappointed ?? ☠️
hi i need a cute boyfie rn 💔
한 yujin.
okay so
there’s a lot of things yujin would let you do without you noticing it’s a “privilege”
because he wouldn’t complain if others did those things too ??
i mean like … its yujin so
but when YOU do these …
he encourages u so much 😭
ong…
im so serious … ‼️
“yujin can i try your food ?? it looks so good” ricky asked waving his chopsticks at yujins face
“oh… yeah go for it, i guess” WITH THE BLANKEST STARE EVER LMAOO
PLS TRY TO SEE IT WITH UR IMAGINSTION
“yujin! can i see your necklaces? it’s so cute!”
YUJIN IS SO SO XONFUSED
“oh… well… yeah”
now imagine you doing it 😭
“can i try some of your food, yujin ??”
HIS EYES IMMEDIATELY LIGHT UP ‼️
“yes! this here is rice with chicken and sour sauce and these ones there are some fried vegetables! eat as much as you want, cutie!”
okay yujin… 😭 not THAT serious babe
“yujin, my sweet! can i see your necklace?”
SO SO IN LOVE
“of course! i can help you put it on if you want to! you’d look so good in it!”
bae is so cute
gvnvks © 2023
#zb1#zerobaseone#zb1 x reader#zb1 headcanons#zb1 reactions#zb1 misc#boys planet reactions#boys planet headcanons#boys planet x reader#zb1 imagines#kim jiwoong#zhang hao#sung hanbin#kim gyuvin#han yujin#kim taerae#park gunwook#ricky shen#boys planet
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In Her Possession
Chapter 1
She Isn’t Who She Seems ____________________________________________
It was almost 8 am, the time Rhea had scheduled for the both of you to wake up. Rhea had planned the day for the two of you to hang out with her friends. You really didn’t want to go out today, but it’s not like you had a choice.
The alarm went off, letting you and Rhea know that it was time to get up and get ready. You didn’t move, hoping Rhea was still asleep, giving you some time to sleep in. But to your surprise, she was already awake.
She knew you heard the alarm, and she hated when you didn’t wake up on time. You kept your eyes closed hoping she would think you were still peaceful asleep.
That only earned you a harsh slap to the face…
“I know you hear the damn alarm going off, get the fuck up and get ready.” Rhea said in a harsh tone.
You were quick to get out of bed, rushing to the bathroom for a shower. You locked the door behind you, not wanting Rhea to watch you through the glass as you showered like she did last time.
About 20 minutes later
You and Rhea were both dressed and ready to go. As you were heading towards the door, Rhea stopped you in your tracks.
“Ah Ah, not so fast little one. We need to go over the rules again, don’t need you getting punished for breaking them again now do we..?” She said, looking at the bruise on your leg from a few days ago.
You nodded your head, you most definitely didn’t want to get punished again…
“Remember, no wandering off without me with you, you will stay by my side at all times, and not a WORD about what goes on in this house, understood?”
You nodded your head, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn’t.
“I said do you fucking understand” Rhea said harshly
“Yes..”
“Yes what??”
“Yes Mami..” You said softly, you didn’t like calling her mami, but again, its not like you had a choice..
“Good girl, now come on, we’re gonna be late” Rhea said as you followed her out to the car
____________________________________________
Rhea had her hand on your thigh the entire ride, sliding her tatted hand up and down every now and then.
You tried to move her hand, but every time you did, she squeezed your thigh tightly, leaving her nail imprints visible.
A few more minutes had gone by, and you didn’t notice that you guys had already arrived.
You were happily greeted by some of Rhea’s close friends, Liv, Sonya, Raquel, and Iyo.
“Hey you guys” Rhea said, flicking your shoulder as a sign for you to also say hello.
“Hello” You said, you really didn’t want to talk to them, but you didn’t want to seem rude.
You guys walked around the park you were at, admiring all the beautiful trees little ponds you saw along the way. You loved what you saw, and for once, you were happy Rhea forced you to come along with her.
“Hey, Rhea and I are gonna go get some food” Raquel said.
“Do you want anything little one?” Rhea asked you in a calm and relaxing tone. You weren’t used to her talking to you like that at home, but when people were around, she brought out that nicer side of her, not wanting people to know what she was really like towards you.
“No, i’m not hungry” You said, sighing in relief as they walked to the food truck that was a few minutes down the path.
As Sonya talked to Iyo, you talked to Liv, enjoying her company. You were glad Rhea wasn’t around, watching you like a hawk and listening to every little peep that came out of your mouth.
Even though you hadn’t drank anything, you had to go to the bathroom all of a sudden. Luckily, there was one right up ahead.
“Im gonna go to the restroom real quick guys” you said, not even worried about the fact that Rhea would probably come looking for you
Liv, Sonya, and Iyo joined Rhea and Raquel at the food truck, which wasn’t far from the restroom you were in. And of course, Rhea noticed you weren’t in sight, immediately asking the others where you had gone.
“Where the hell did she go?”
“Oh, she just went to the restroom, she shouldn’t be long” Sonya replied.
Rhea was quick to storm into the bathroom, spotting you at the sink washing your hands. You didn’t notice she was there, until she grabbed you by your hair, pinning you to the wall.
“What the fuck did I tell you, you don’t go ANYWHERE without letting me know” She said angrily.
“Im sorry Rhea, I just really had to go..” You said, scared, knowing she wasn’t gonna accept your apology that fast.
“Sorry’s not gonna fucking cut it, were going home.” She said, dragging you out the bathroom.
“Hey, where you guys going?” Liv asked
“Were going home” Rhea said back, wanting to get you home as fast as she could.
You both got in the car and Rhea was quick to grab your chin, forcing you to look at her.
“When we get home, I want you in that room, stripped, and on the bed with your legs spread”
You. Were. Fucked.
____________________________________________
Hope you guys enjoyed this!
Chapter 2 coming soon
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I cant emphasize this enough. IF YOU THINK AT ALL EVER THAT YOU MIGHT MAYBE HAVE SLEEP APNEA, GET TESTED.
I have been dealing with sleep issues for so many years, at least since my early teens. I legitimately thought it was just depression fucking with me. And yeah depression played its part. However as i found out several months ago, it was far from the only reason. I snore, all night and very loudly. Someone told me that if you snore really loudly you might have sleep apnea so i talked to my doctor about it. I wasnt totally convinced so we did a take home pulseox monitor test to see if my readings over night might indicate if it was possible. It was very much possible. I am now convinced so i agree to an overnight sleep study in the hospital. the whole shabang. They put electrodes or whatever all over my body and i slept. I got up, checked out. They said ur doc will be in touch with your results and sent me on my way.
In my personal experience, nothing in the medical world works quickly unless death is on the line and sometimes not even then. So i was more than a little surprised and concerned when i got a call from the sleep doctor's office affiliated with the hospital i was tested at only a few hours later. They scheduled me an appointment to come in and discuss next steps and the appointment was so soon, i knew they squeezed me in because no doctors in my area have availability that quickly. I go to the appointment and im very nervous and this very concerned woman started explaining more about sleep apnea and my results.
The average adult stops breathing 3-5 times a night. I stopped breathing 117 times in 1 HOUR.
Do you know what its like to be told you are basically fighting for your life in your sleep every night? Its TERRIFYING. This poor woman was horrified on my behalf and ordered a cpap machine for me. Unfortunately due to the supply chain issues, cpap machines had months long wait list. So when i was laid off work a month later causing me to loose my health insurance, i wasnt even close to getting a machine. So i get a new job and wait the 3 months to get insurance and start the process of finding doctors that my new insurance will cover. So now 5 months after my sleep study i am sitting in another sleep doctors office. I hand this man the papers detailing my sleep study and watch the blood drain from his face while he reads.
If you have never scared a doctor before I wouldn't recommend it.
This poor man sees that i have been waiting to get a cpap machine for 5 months and puts in the order for one. While he is putting in the order he is trying very hard to be casual while asking me questions that boil down to how the fuck do function normally? How can you drive a car without falling asleep at the wheel? I then have to admit that i have been compensating for extreme exhaustion since i was a teenager so its all very normal for me now. I thank him for his time and go about my day.
This doctor let me know that the wait for a cpap now is about 3 weeks so im already happy, like that is sooo much shorter than it was 5 months ago. He says the home health equipment office will call me when my machine comes in.
I got the call from the home health office that same day. Turns out i horrified that sleep doctor so much that he put a rush on my cpap order so i got bumped to the front of the list. I had my machine 2 days later.
I have had this thing for 3 weeks now and i cant describe how amazing i feel. I am used to waking up at least a dozen times a night, now its only once or twice. Im used to having trouble keeping my eyes open long enough to turn off my alarm clock in the morning and i am used to making myself keep moving so i dont instantly fall back asleep. Now i am awake and alert when my alarm goes off. I dont wake up already exhausted anymore. I learned early in my driving life that i have to listen to audiobooks in the car to keep my mind engaged enough to not start to fall asleep at the wheel. For the first time in years i was able to just listen to music in the car and not start nodding off. I haven't needed to take a nap after work even once.
I have been told that i might not notice changes until after the first month with the machine so i am so excited about what else might change because of this machine. I cried actual tears the other day because of it.
It has already changed my day to day life significantly. The machine is so small for the miracle it has already given me. I cant even hear it when its on. I have a fan on at night and the machine is quieter than my fan.
Getting tested is so so worth it. The benefit to your life could be so significant.
I have other things that i need to take care of for my health but taking care of this one has made it easier to work on the others.
If you think you might have it, get tested.
#personal#healthcare#sleep#cpap#my own personal little miracle#persephone speaks#its so fucking worth it to do the test#sleep apnea
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SLXKFKFFKFKFKFKFK,,,
he’s all over you whenever he can be but i wanna know what he’s like when it’s like 2am and you’re sneaking out of the back of the house n up to his rv,,, he’s awake because ofc he’d have a TERRIBLE sleep/wake schedule. and you’re bashful and in a tank top and teeny tiny sleep shorts trying to figure out how you’re gonna ask your older stepbro to pls fuck you sensless like he did last time.😖 and i feel like he’s gonna KNOW that you’re there for him and not whatever bullshit excuse you give— can’t sleep, want to smoke, whatever— but is he gonna call u out on it or is he gonna tease u a bit. drag it out. play up his naivete n try n get u to say it, specifically— you want him. anyway. sticks my head in the sand like an ostrich. im hiding from my shame
just because he can be a conniving shit sometimes, he wants to hear you say it.
when you go to him and tell him that you wanna smoke, he lies to you, “ah, sorry sis. i’m all out. only have the hard stuff right now.” and when you look at him with your brows furrowed, confused and frustrated, he smirks. “guess you came down here for nothing, huh?”
you don’t give up. “i mean… i’m already here, eddie. maybe we can find something to do.”
“mm,” he’ll fake contemplates. “i can’t think of anything. can you?”
and when you pause and give him a desperate look that says ‘seriously?’ , wondering why he’s so obviously being such a fucking ass about this, he leans forward from where he’s sitting dramatically and whispers to you, “i wanna hear you say it.”
it takes you a solid minute before a frustrated little whine tears through your throat and you give in. “eddie, i…” your cheeks flush in embarrassment as you trail off. “i want you.”
dread spreads through your body as a shit eating grin spreads through his lips as he counters, “you want me… to what?”
“eddie, c’mon…” you whine, not wanting to say it. it isn’t until your eyes trail down his body to see the tent in his jeans. at the same time as you wanted to punch him for getting so turned on by torturing you, the need for him to be inside you was stronger. you stomp your foot almost childishly as you exclaim, “i want you to fuck me, okay? is that enough? will you stop being a fucking ass and just do it already?”
and he laughs. he laughs. “that’s all i needed to hear, sweetheart.”
#this probably isn’t that good lol i’m sick#but your idea#it’s so so so aksjdkj#i can’t#you have a beautiful brain anon#eddie munson x reader#notsfw#stepbrother!eddie#tw stepcest#dark fic
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its only been 2 weeks but i just dont feel like i can do this.
its really stressful. the workload is always high. having a break isn't really a thing. and with how bad my schedule is (that i could not do anything about) i have to wake up extremely early (5-5:30am) and i come home in the evening (also 5-5:30 but pm). and i just have to dedicate that time to homework and i know there's going to be lots of all-nighters
i have no time to eat. im tired all the time. focusing on work is difficult in general, but my lack of eating and sleep make it worse. and while i know the exercise is good for me, having to walk a mile each way to and from home and all my walking on campus makes me very tired and sore. (im so petty)
i know im being overdramatic because its only been 2 weeks. but it gets worse from here on out. im really stressed and anxious all the time. and ive already broken down a few times. i want to cry right now because im under so much stress, but people are awake so i cant.
its so petty. i want to give up now and i keep contemplating, i thought about going to the rooftop and. well. you know. i want to drop out now but that would upset my family a ton (also its only been 2 weeks!!!). but i dont really like my family's idea that if they went to college and got their degrees, so can i. they all went to college so thats what was encouraged of me to do too after i graduated high school. and this is just community college. if im barely hanging on in community college id be dead by now in a uc or cal state, either one im planning to transfer to once im done at community college...
i knew i wasnt cut out for college. i knew it since before applying. i keep telling myself this is only until december. and when i register for the spring term i can hopefully form a much better schedule so im not stressed out and loaded with work all the time and i can actually take care of myself. so im trying to keep moving forward. but its only now september. i have 13 more weeks. and if these first two weeks were enough to kick my ass then im fucked for the rest of the semester. and probably my entire time at college.
#vent#i do not like that i break under pressure so easily#guess who has zero time to go see the psychiatrist and mention my medication isn't working so it cant help regulate my anxiety rn!!!!!!!!!!#i dont want to give up so easily. i feel like it'd be petty of me to do so especially so soon. and im being teased by family for my#complaints. but i really feel like i cant do this. at all.#maybe i could go seek the mental health services on campus but i dont really want to hear the same things over and over#i have a very strong feeling i know what they'll tell me. they get stressed af students like me going to see them all the time probably#i just. want to cry. this stress is terrible.#this was my plan. besides encouragement i wanted to attend community college then go to a 4-year. i feel like I cant give up yet#because this was my idea. i am now here doing what i had planned and now i want to back out. i dont have any right to back out of this#im doing what i wanted and what family wanted. leaving isn't an option what the hell am I thinking?
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OSRR: 2992
i learned some things today.
i learned about firewalls and SOCs and what routers actually do and a bunch of computer and networking and safety stuff. it's really cool. no wonder joel loves it so much.
i also learned today that several of my coworkers play instruments! one plays the flute, one plays piano, and another plays the trombone. i play the clarinet, so we had a nice discussion today about music! it was really nice.
kristen came by, and i told her that we all played instruments! and she said, "that's so cool! maybe you could make an orchestra."
and i go, "more like a DORK-estra, amirite?" and i laughed so hard at myself i had to take a time-out in the corner.
didn't skip a beat, no space, no break, just instant "we're dorks here. we're literally tutors so we qualify as Dorks." so that's what went through my head. and the sentence came out of my mouth. and i laughed so hard i turned tomato red. it was so fucking funny.
and i must add that i have so much chaos right now among my brain cells that i like, cannot. i have so much con prep to do that i can't think straight. i'm going to print things tomorrow morning so i can cut them out and assemble them. gotta bring in my hole punch. and print a test copy and then slice and dice once printed and i think i'm gonna need to just. use regular paper. i'll just put the hole punch farther in. eh.
anyway, con prep started today. the truck is packed and is going down tomorrow.
also my professor posted our class time this week. it's tomorrow. at 5:30. i have a class - most of the class has a class - at 5:50. like holy shit, man. have you looked at your students' schedules??? you said the first week you were gonna send out a poll about class times that worked for everyone, and then just decided thursday, the day most of us already have a class that starts before 6pm, would be the best day to have a class at 5:30pm??????
god i hate this man.
anyway, i miss joel - he's hotel-side tonight to help with setup and stuff. meanwhile we both get beds to ourselves tonight. so i have the stuffies and the fan and the usual bed and he's got. a moderately uncomfy bed, i believe. i hope he gets some sleep.
poor joel. needs sleep.
so do i. i've been checking in on my sleep with my watch, and i've been a fucking disaster lmao. you're supposed to get between an hour and two hours of deep sleep. i'm getting half an hour, maybe. that's why im so fucking tired. also im awake a long time at night. i woke up like twenty times last night. christ almighty.
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i need to tell y’all about my day but in order to tell you about my day today i have to tell you about the week so far so basically i came into work on monday from my weekend off and literally 45 minutes before i got in my hospice resident passed and i came in while our head nurse was getting her ready for the funeral home barely had a second to process that before i had to run across to the memory care facility because i was 30min late for our covid booster shots and they had already switched buildings, i went to the facility got stared down by one of our alzheimer’s residents (i never know what he’s gonna do like hug me grope me dance with me it depends on the day) got my shot and walked back to the assisted living residence, funeral home came i helped pack up my resident (may she rest in peace) and not 30 minutes later my arms getting sore and i’m shaking like a leaf the boosters already fucking me and my other residents up and i still gotta help them through the night.
anyway night finishes up i go home im feeling mad sick can’t eat dinner, head spinning, nauseous, cold as fuck, besties texting me and asking how im handling the death i can barely even respond cause im trying not to die myself, finally pass out then i wake up teeth chattering literally shaking i can’t even get up to use the bathroom im so cold but eventually i pass out again i keep doing this until 1pm now it’s time to get ready for work again. i get there i feel like shit, my residents feels like shit, the med techs feel like shit, one resident throws up at dinner, another one is yelling at us constantly and ringing her pager in her sleep, all around tough day i go home at 11pm i pass out
TODAY im off because i had a root canal today scheduled for 10 am. i am jolted awake by the sound of my sister in law and brother arguing, it is 9am i was in no way going to wake up in time without their dysfunctional relationship. i wait for them to stop, i brush my teeth and go to the dentist, the man has to stop and numb me 5 separate times over the course of the procedure because im burning through the anesthesia too quickly and i keep twitching because i can feel the drilling (he might’ve numbed me more throughout but he specifically had to stop 5 times for the anesthetic to kick in) the whole thing takes 3-3 1/2 hours i get home i call my mom she thanks god im safe and then proceeds to remind me of that time a dentist put me in a straight jacket because ive always had a problem with being highly sensitive to pain i say goodnight and now im eating curry
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THE NIGGAZ WHO ROBBED HEAVEN
A Black Pulp Flash Fiction Joint
1ST NIGGA: Listen forget about Robbing Heaven. Its surrounded by 12 Pearly Gates. Guarded by Cherubims. And they will cut your goddamn head off.
2ND NIGGA: I know somebody who lives there tho.
1ST NIGGA: Umph. So you got somebody on the Inside. Who?
2ND NIGGA: I cant tell you. You might know Him.
1ST NIGGA: So it is a HIM, huh?
2ND NIGGA: Uh —
1ST NIGGA: You might as well admit that much, man. You basically said YEAH already.
2ND NIGGA: True. So You right. Its a Brotha frum Another Mutha. He got me squared away on sum shit.
1ST NIGGA: Like what?
2ND NIGGA: He kno a back way into heaven.
1ST NIGGA: Wont Work. You must come in at the Front Door. First thing in da Morning. Dats Mandatory.
2ND NIGGA: True. It IS Mandatory. Butt thats only if you new — or you never been there before. You gotta go thru Orientation. Butt when you Been To Heaven Before, you dont have to go to Orientation. Dats da Loophole.
1ST NIGGA: So you sayin you BEEN to Heaven already?
2ND NIGGA: Yeah. I was there about 6,000 years ago. Then, I Got kicked out for Letting my Chariot Swing Low when I was Riding it. I Died here on earth from a Lynching by some Hooded Angels in White Robes. And went back to heaven for the Second time. Saw some more Angels walking around in White Robes — which confused the hell outta me. Then, I Got Kicked out again for the second time for Flying around heaven all day and drinking up the last of the milk and honey. Now, Im on my last go round.
1ST NIGGA: Hmmmmmm.
2ND NIGGA: You dont believe me?
1ST NIGGA: Its not dat.
2ND NIGGA: Well, what then?
1ST NIGGA: You think you can really steal the Heavenly Treasures in broad daylight?
2ND NIGGA: Not Think. I know I can. They are only guarded by one Deity.
1ST NIGGA: And who is that?
2ND NIGGA: Guess?!
1ST NIGGA: Jesus?
2ND NIGGA: Nah. God, himself.
1ST NIGGA: Hell, he never SLEEPS tho. So aint no possible way you can steal them Heavenly Treasures, man.
2ND NIGGA: Nah, God Sleeps my Nigga. In fact, he sleeps a lot. He just sleeps with his Eyes open so peeple only think he awake.
1ST NIGGA: How you know all this?
2ND NIGGA: I told you, man. I got a Nigga on da inside. Plus: I been to Heaven enuff to know whats up with God. He be sleep on the Job. He dont be Watching Peeple like dat on Earth for real. And Peep this: His sleep schedule is real simple: whenever you see the Moon dat means he Sleep. And when you see da Sun dat mean he Awake. He mite be up doing his little exercise tho like blowing wind or throwing thunderbolts out of smite n shit. Butt when we and da Goons go at Nite — God gone be dead asleep.
1ST NIGGA: Butt what if I told U dat you cant Sneak into Heaven at Nite because a bunch of Niggaz already done tried dat and got Caught. And was Killed for Trespassing on Gods Property?
2ND NIGGA: I would just tell you they missed something, dats all. But not Me. I been working on this latest plan for over 400 years now.
1ST NIGGA: Still, what if I told you dat even tho God be Sleep at night he still have Jesus, Joseph and Mary watching out for him?
2ND NIGGA: Dont matter. Cuz anyway, Jesus is a Soft Touch. My peeples told me he can be Bribed with a good bottle of Wine. And he a sucka for a Hoe wit a Sob Story.
1ST NIGGA: What about Joseph?
2ND NIGGA: Give dat Foo a Technicolored Dreamcoat with dope shoes to match and he will look da other way too.
1ST NIGGA: Yeah, butt dat still leave Mary. What bout her? Or you got sum shit on her too?
2ND NIGGA: Um hm. She still be fucking The Angel Gabriel when Joseph is out on his Carpentry job fixing shit round Heaven. However, it dont matter to Joseph because he’s hammering and nailing Mary’s Sister, Mary Junior on the regular. They stay Smashing.
1ST NIGGA: Wait. All of this shit is going on in Heaven? Rite under God’s nose?!
2ND NIGGA: Yessir. Most of this shit happens at night. Like I said: God, he be Sleep.
1ST NIGGA: Ight. But what if I told you that God know all that shit is going on and he just lets it happen so peeple Will think they can Sneak into Heaven at Night? But they wind up gitting caught and Sentenced to hell for an Eternity?
2ND NIGGA: What if I told you that dont scare me None cuz I been to hell more times than I been to Heaven and —
1ST NIGGA: Whats da difference?
2ND NIGGA: And, I was just bout to say. I actually prefer Hell over Heaven.
1ST NIGGA: Why is dat?
2ND NIGGA: No curfew.
1ST NIGGA: Why you wind up in Hell in da first place?
2ND NIGGA: Well, the first time I was just Visiting and liked it so much I tried to stay but they made me leave cuz I aint have da right paperwork n whatnot.
1ST NIGGA: and da Second Time?
2ND NIGGA: I snuck back. It was easy.
1ST NIGGA: I be dam. Why was it so Easy?
2ND NIGGA: Cuz the Devil stay busy. He dont even be looking, man.
1ST NIGGA: Busy doing what?
2ND NIGGA: All I know is he be in his Workshop a lot doing shit.
1ST NIGGA: Umph. You see anybody we know?
2ND NIGGA: Yeah, I saw Yo Mama there. She said to tell you, you still aint shit.
1ST NIGGA: She would say some shit like that. But you know what?
2ND NIGGA: What?
1ST NIGGA: I think I wanna work with you on Sneaking into Heaven.
2ND NIGGA: Aww yeah? Why you changing yo Mind?
1ST NIGGA: Cuz your Plan sounds good. And to tell you da Truth, I been wanting to do da shit myself for da longest. Except, I just never had enuff information.
2ND NIGGA: Truth be tole, in the interest of being Transparent, I Googled a lotta this shit.
1ST NIGGA: Is dat right??
2ND NIGGA: Gospel!
1ST NIGGA: I be dam! So Whats da Best Day to do this?
2ND NIGGA: You joking, right? Da SABBATH DAY, man. Cuz dats when God not only Rests, he Sleep the whole, entire day away.
1ST NIGGA: Oh right, right. I never thought about dat shit!
2ND NIGGA: And check this out: last time I was in Hell I stole the Map the Devil be using to go To and Fro Heaven. Its got secret routes n shit.
1ST NIGGA: Didnt God kick da Devil outta Heaven too, tho?
2ND NIGGA: True. But they still Kool. Cuz what muthafuckaz dont realize is dat the Devil is actually God’s only Forgotten Son.
1ST NIGGA: Dont U mean BEGOTTEN son??
2ND NIGGA: Nah. Dats Jesus.
1ST NIGGA: Mannnnnn, how u be finding out all this shit?!
2ND NIGGA: (raises eyebrow)
1ST NIGGA: Right. Google n shit.
2ND NIGGA: The Devil Wife snitched too, tho.
1ST NIGGA: Wait. The Devil married?!
2ND NIGGA: Hell yeah, my Nigga. And got a Legion of Babies everywhere. Altho he aint got mo than Nick Cannon or NBA Young Boy.
1ST NIGGA: Whats his Wife name?
2ND NIGGA: Shea-Devil.
1ST NIGGA: So Why SHE help you?
2ND NIGGA: Cuz she mad at his ass. Tole U. He stay Busy. Too bizzy for her.
1ST NIGGA: Maybe he just grinding hard for em.
2ND NIGGA: Dats da problem. The Devil always Busy. And she tired of dat shit. Told me she ready to leave him and go to Heaven.
1ST NIGGA: Is she Fine?
2ND NIGGA: Megan The Stallion fine, man!!
1ST NIGGA: Damn. What else she tell you?
2ND NIGGA: Told me da Devil REAL name is Luther Furr. Dats his Gubmint name.
1ST NIGGA: I cant believe this shit Im hearing!!
2ND NIGGA: Believe it my Nigga. Believe it. So look I gotta run some errands. But I just wanted to meet up with you to plant this seed in ya ear and see if you wanted in on this shit. Cuz its going down with or without you. But you my Nigga so you know I wanted to hit you up first and foremost.
1ST NIGGA: Damn straight. And you know I appreciate it. So hell yeah I want in, man! You know it aint no Fun if Homie cant git None.
2ND NIGGA: Facts. So you got any more Objections or what ifs? Cuz I know if anybody could punch holes in my shit it would be you.
1ST NIGGA: Hmmmm. Lemme think on that. When you need an answer?
2ND NIGGA: Asap.
1ST NIGGA: For the most part, I think Im ready to do this shit, man. I cant wait to git me a little piece of Heaven. How we gitting there?
2ND NIGGA: Cloud Nine take you straight there.
1ST NIGGA: Im here for it, my Nigga.
2ND NIGGA: Ight. See you on Saturday. And make sho you got on yo Sunday Best.
1ST NIGGA: Bet.
-The End-
****************
(Next up: The Niggaz Who Robbed Hell)
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OKAY!!! uhh ill be sending these in as i think of em :] STARTING OFF:
whats nine and ten's relationship like there?? like we've seen juice interacting with both but as far as im aware, no nine n ten interactions which has me very curious. ID IMAGINE theres. obviously a bit of protectiveness there but asides from that i have NO CLUE what you have in mind for these guys and i am staring abnormally. Whats Their Deal
FINALLY after starting to write this response out like 3 times and getting distracted or busy I can sit down and do this. Tehe. Beware of long incoming rant as I take this opportunity to explain a bunch of other stuff along the way.
I am so sorry. I talk a lot. Here we go.
Ten and nines relationship throughout the au goes through a lot of changes.
They’ve always been very close, since before the moment and well after. They both learnt how to cope with the nature of humanity and immortality, and how to come to terms with purposelessness. That is until Nine found out about the mission NASA was working on. that mission being sending a crew to deep space to go “where no human, robot, or satellite had been before.” It was a big deal to them, they still longed for a meaning in life like this. That was before everyone figured out there wasn’t much out there, and that life should be centred around what we already have. This was when people were RUSHING to create and to drive humanity further and further, in these early stages progress was all that mattered, and Nine wanted to be a part of it.
So Nine and Ten, and their friend Juice, they went through the training program together, and they formed the crew that would eventually go into space to hopefully discover the unknown.
Nine and Ten were always close, they supported each other, they are siblings after all. They both tried to make sense of the new world presented to them.
Now I’m not sure if my sort of, summery, really explained this well. I looked at my old posts and they really don’t have much. But the plan was always for 9 10 and J to be put into a deep sleep for a couple thousand years to get to deep space, the idea was that it would essentially function as a time skip for them so that they wouldn’t go CRAZY trying to get far away from earth. So for a while they all slept and then 10 and J woke up right on schedule. (Not in the year 17776, because that’s around when Nine wakes up) I sort of intended for this au to at least sort of parallel the story beats of the original.
But when Nine didn’t wake up and what was left of NASA basically told Ten “I unno man.” She tried for such a long time to wake them up, there was something fucked up with the system and nothing was working. Nine was out, alive and well, but not awake.
Ten never really knew if they were going to wake up, and after long enough she tried to focus herself on her mission (finding anything interesting in space) and on Juice, hes a bit of a screwball as we know. She never gave up on them though, no matter how hopeless it seemed there was always something in her mind basically pleading for Nine to wake up. but she unintentionally started almost, grieving, the loss of Nine. Years and years passed when Nine was always right there, but never really There. It was weird for her to live out the life Nine so desperately wanted without them around. And for her to experience everything without them, something she had never had to do in her life up to that point. It was hard.
Then Nine wakes up. First it’s relief, because godamned she missed them, so fucking much. But then it’s concerned.
I guess my twist with this au is that being asleep for that long fucked with Nines memory, they can’t really remember Ten, they can FEEL their love and trust for her, but have a lack of memories to link that back to. They also can’t remember the moment, immorality, anything.
You’re right, Ten is protective!! She’s determined to never let anything hurt them like this again, but she’s also confused too, and a bit hurt. She’s not going to portray that to Nine, because she knows that’s not what they need right now. But she just got them back and they don’t even know who she is.
She cares about them so much, and Nine trusts her so so much and doesn’t even know why.
It’s like in the opening chapter of 17776 when Ten talks to them for the first time and she says “i love you” and Nine says it back without any hesitation. They don’t know who she is, or what any of this is or what it means or even who they are, but they know they love Ten.
Their relationship is strained as first because of this, Nine feels like they can’t be who Ten remembers because Nine doesn’t even remember themself. But things ease out, because even without the memories, they’re still Nine, and she can see it in the way they talk and get passionate about things and their inquisitive nature.
Jesus how long have I been typing does this even answer the question I DONT KNOW IM SO SORRY if you read this all I’m actually so impressed. It’s 4:30 am so if there’s typos just ignore them
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#its 6am and im awake!! (not good)#ive kind of shifted my sleep schedule to be the worst it could possibly be#yesterday i slept from 8-9am and then 11am-5pm#and thats kind of where it's settled. whoch is not good#my roommate who is a sleep scientist says thats going to kill me and i believe that because i already feel like im dying#its just so nice to be awake for sunrise tho! and i couldnt wake up this early so my only option is to stay awake to see it#i think ive seen the sunrise more in the past two weeks than ever before in my life#on a note that feels related but probably isnt- im moving in may. in two months#'but austyn i remember you moved this time last year' youre right! im bad at staying in one place!!#im moving back in with my parents because this city is expensive and i need a year to figure my life out#i didnt think i was going to make it to 18 and thats now fucking up my life#how is it fucking up my life? because i made no plans for anything past high school and instead have just been bouncing from thing to thing#trying to make a life when i thought i would be dead. so i moved and moved and moved again and now i have no money no prospects#no drive no plan no ideas no future etc#so thats all catching up to me and im gonna take a year to save up and get on my feet and reconnect with my psychiatrist and restart therapy#my psychiatrist is gonna be mad that i just went a year with no meds but its fine. just remembered i should try to set up an appointment now#okay gonna set up an appointment at 8 when they open. shes a very in demand psychiatrist. and idk if i can go back to her after a year#theyre very nice there so im sure theyll help me figure it out. so im gonna get my mental health bsck on track#eventually fix my sleep schedule maybe. idk its just a year to figure everything out but its difficult to move again#i hate moving. ive said it once ill say it again. moving kills a part of your soul. especially moving back in with your parents#just gonna be venting about this for awhile actually#maybe ill go for a walk at like 7am cuz the weather has been so nice lately i love it#ive been walking part of the way home from work because its so nice#i truly just dont want to sleep. i want to do things but i dont have the energy to do them. yknow. this sucks#anyway. gonna tey to get my life together but so far im doing pretty bad
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i'm wide awake because of jet-lag (went to mexico and got back on sunday, apparently have completely fucked up my sleep schedule) and also just anxiety in general and i thought
oh yeah i'll cap a movie and make some gifs until i get bored
knowing already that the end of the movie was sad but apparently forgot????? got to the end and fucking triggered myself because the kids mum dies and there's a funeral and now im uncontrollably crying
i really should have seen it coming
when we were in mexico a facebook memory of my dad from 6 years ago came up when we were at a restaurant and i mentioned it, my sister heard me and my mum either didnt or ignored me and when they asked me to repeat myself i said nevermind because i remembered 'im on holiday' and my mum was already pissed at my other sister for sharing something about my dad while we were away
and i almost started crying at the dinner table and ended up just zoning the fuck out for the rest of the night
then the next day i ended up in tears in the hotel room because i was so tired and i couldnt keep it in, had to tell my sister about
and now im back from holiday and just obviously pretending everyone's fine
and i'm going to have to keep pretending everythings fine when it isnt
im getting fucking triggered watching movies now like???? what do i even do at this point?
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i can’t shake the feeling that i’m wasting my time because i cram my schedule so full of stuff that i don’t have time to just exist but i hate not doing something because i usually just end up in this stupid fucking apartment that i love and hate because it’s so much nicer than the fucking dorms but i still feel stuck in these four fucking walls and it’s much harder to just go outside for some fresh fucking air and on one hand it keeps me from smoking which i shouldn’t do in the first place because i already got shit lungs but i feel like im fucking suffocating and its dark all the time because my girlfriend goes to sleep early while im up for hours and it feels like i should go to bed but its only 12:30 and im still very much awake and i cant even dissociate like i used to because it makes me panic because there i go wasting my fucking time again in my head again like why cant i just stay here but the longer i stay here the more i hate it and want to fucking kill myself but daydreaming makes me want to die now too and part of me worries that its the music i listen to but at the same time anything more pleseant makes me feel weird so i have no clue what the fuck is going on i feel like im fucking drowning and i dont know what to do
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hmmmm im debating being on at all bc i wanna go back to sleep and also i have an 830 class tomorrow 😔
#like my sleep schedule is already fucked and im Awake now so.....#◟ ⋆ ° . ♦ ／ ooc . you know this girl’s got her free taco .#i hate being nocturnal i am just a little Creature
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#its almost midnight i just watch a 90 minute ateez vlive from like a year ago#and now im just vibing to their songs#and i REALLY should go to sleep bc u know gotta get up for work#but im just vibin and content ig#enjoying things sure does fuck up my sleep schedule 🙃#it would be okay if i didnt work full time#but basically what keeps happening is#im at work all day#then when i finally get home i can rest for a few minutes before i need to give my horse his meds#then i have to eat food#then once i have time to sit down and go on youtube or w/e#its already like 8pm so i spend several hours trying to like Absorb the good vibes#then its midnight and i need to wake up in 7 hours but im Too awake#and in theory somewhere in all this i should like exercise and be a functional human#but like. how.#i do not like adult life
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