#like oh fuck off man theyre fucking French
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🔞 part 2 of aot nsfw headcanons (18+ ONLY!)🔞
y’all asked for them so here they are: hc’s for Armin, Eren, Mikasa, and Jean
starting off strong with Armin
i see him as pan with a preference for mascs
his frail physicality gets him pegged as an uwu babyboy sub a lot and he uses it to his advantage
the man is devious lemme tell you
he always has to be in control of the situation. half bc of anxiety and half bc mindgames are his fuckin jam
he lets his partner think theyre the ones in charge until the last minute and the payoff is delicious
following directions without question, giggling and blushing until suddenly his partner’s in a position that makes them think oh shit, did he plan this????
the surprised look on their face gets him every time
he somehow always knows what to do next-- where his partner wants to be touched or what position to switch into
power bottom. hes got those megan knees
jokes aside, at the end of the day armin is a sweetheart
all his observing and analyzing is so that he and his partner can have the best experience possible, but he also knows how to relax and just go with the flow
his only flaw is that he exclusively refers to sex as making love
next up we’ve got Eren
gay gay homosexual gay
he doesnt even realize hes supposed to be attracted to girls until hes like 14 lol
hearing friends talk about crushes and realizing there are other women in the world besides Mikasa and his mom
hes conflicted about it for maybe 2 hours before jacking off to the thought of reiner’s tits and deciding he doesnt care
tries so hard to come across as suave but actually gets really nervous
the first time he has sex he nearly passes out from the pressure
but ofc thats young naïve eren. older jaded eren is kind of a whore :/
is sexy and unfortunately knows it
sends u up? texts to like 6 dudes at a time. armin drives to his house just to throw his phone at him. floch turns up 20 minutes later with an overnight bag.
top/dom but in a bratty way if that makes sense. fucks like hes got something to prove
his fav position is doggy + hand fisted in the hair
can be kind of an ass but its not usually intentional-- hits and calls them an uber right after
very much frat boy with a hidden heart of gold
Mikasa is a bit different
I hc her as a sex-positive asexual-- she doesnt get aroused on her own but enjoys the closeness that intercourse can bring
it was pretty alarming for her growing up. she thought she was broken :/
BUT adult mikasa is very comfortable in her ace identity
shes tough but a girl at heart-- cheesy romance novels are her guilty pleasure
take her to a movie and ‘accidently’ have yalls hands touch in the popcorn bucket. give her a bouquet of red roses at a fancy french restaurant
shell eat that shit up
likes kissing but is grossed out by spit
prefers going along with her partner’s suggestions in the bedroom. mostly because she doesn’t really have preferences of her own
her partner losing their mind to pleasure like oh f-fuck Mika, shit baby and shes just watching them like 0_0
seeing them in such an intimate, vulnerable position makes her insides all warm and fuzzy
she isn’t afraid to say no though-- or knock someone out if her boundaries arent respected
LOVES aftercare. has an entire routine memorized
tl;dr strong woman mikasa can benchpress a truck but melts if you hold her hand
and last but certainly not least, we’ve got my man Jean
bi with a preference for women. is partial to dark hair
its,,, big lol
he’s like 6′3 and that shit is proportional
but he rarely brags bc mama raised a gentleman
long lashes, full bottom lip, broad chest with the smattering of chest hair? bro is kind of beautiful
bc of his blunt personality ppl expect him to be a jerk. which he def can be, but at his core he’s a sweet guy-- he just gets embarrassed easily
jean kirstein is a woman respecter and i will die on this hill
his love language is acts of service. hes always cooking his partner food and making sure they drink water. sends good morning and night texts and gets upset if they dont reply
he isn’t really into bottoming but i wouldn’t consider him a hard top? he’ll try most things at least once
a talker-- sex with jean is pretty much a narrated experience
--fuck you feel so good i want you so bad take me just like that love--
it eventually turns into incoherent babbling
praise really gets him going. his partner whispers in his ear how good he’s making them feel and he’s busting .002 seconds later
fav position is anything that’s face to face. loves holding them down so he can watch their expression change
breeding kink lmao
(that’s all ive got for now. lemme know who else yall want to see~)
#attack on titan#aot#aot headcanons#shingeki no kyojin#snk#snk headcanons#eren jaeger#armin arlert#mikasa ackerman#jean kirschstein#jean kirstein
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PLEASE PLEASE EXPLAIN CASE 3 OF TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS CAUSE I JUST. CANT GET THROUGH IT 😭😭 and i KNOW if i hear you talk about it ill make my way past but its. its literally the ONLY 3rd case ive gotten stuck on? with the other 2 games i was INVESTED in them but. for whatever reason the only highlight was that Dang Cafe and now its just. Going. and Going. i know that old pigeon feeding man is supposed to be Quirky but. i find him So. Boring.
oh god i dont know if i can do that one and make it interesting. recipe is so bad i hate every second of it
4 months prior to the events of the case local idiot loan shark furio tigre drove his moped into some goth chick's car. unfortunately the goth chick was also the daughter of a mob boss and she was majorly injured. mob boss was like youre gonna pay........ 1 MILLION dollars for her surgery. tigre was like bro
tigre started more or less using viola, pretended to be in love with her and take care of her when in reality he was just trying to get her dad to leave him alone.
hes still a loan shark so he did loan shark shit. he gave some homophobic gay french bitch money for his restaurant. there was also this programmer he hit up who made superviruses or some shit, one of which was super potent at data erasing and went for a pretty penny on the black market. homeboy also had a real bad gambling addiction
he went to the shitty french restaurant to meet with tigre about paying off his debt but LITERALLY SECONDS BEFORE TIGRE WAS ABOUT TO GET HIS HANDS ON THE VIRUS AS PAYMENT FOR THE DEBT. THIS BITCH WON THE LOTTERY. he literally won like five times the money he needed. so he had more than enough to pay off tigre. and tigre was like. god fucking damnit i need that virus or the mob is gonna assassinate me
so he just poisoned the bitch right there. the cutest waitress in the building (Maggey) saw shit go down and passed out. what can ya do
but then the french bitch was like alright whats all this then and tigre was like hiii <3 you owe me 500k sooooo you're gonna cover up this murder for me k boo? so they fucking just... moved the body into the kitchen along with maggey's unconscious ass... and then tigre DRESSED HIS ASS UP IN PROGAMMER DUDE'S CLOTHES... GOT HIS GOTH GF TO DRESS UP AS ONE OF THE WAITRESSES... AND RE-ENACTED THE WHOLE SCENE EXCEPT WITH GOTH BITCH SPIKING THE DRINK. LITERALLY JUST TO ESTABLISH A WITNESS AND FRAME MAGGEY. A DUDE WHO HAD WANDERED IN FOR COFFEE AND TITS.
'wouldnt he have realized that it wasn't maggey when he saw her in court' no because he was a horny old man who only looks at women's bodies. that's literally the plot point.
but yknow tigre had to really REALLY cover his tracks to make sure maggey took the fall for the murder he did so........... HOMEBOY DRESSED UP AS PHOENICHOLAS L. WRIGHT ATTORNEY AT LAW AND FAKED HIS IDENTITY AND 'DEFENDED' MAGGEY IN COURT AND BY THAT I MEAN HE DID AN ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT JOB ON PURPOSE TO GET HER A DEATH SENTENCE
gumshoe kicks the door down like 'ill fucking KILL you' and phoenix is like?????? HUH??? WHAT DID I DO???
some other stuff that happens:
maya channels mia just to use her tits
CUTE WAITRESS MAYA MAYA IN THE WAITRESS OUTFIT LITTLE MAYA SO SO CUTE
does anyone even care at all about a maya fey so small
in the anime maya directly references the 'bone apple teeth' meme. she literally says the words bone apple teeth out loud.
maya maya maya
there's a scene where godot submits a white apron as evidence and its got a giant ketchup stain on it and the whole court is like uhhhh dude is that blood? and hes like. what. is what blood. and theyre like. dude can you not see it? and hes like NOT SEE WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
this scene, which is like 5 seconds, contains a MAJOR PLOT REVELATION THAT IS SUPER IMPORTANT LATER, and it is the only reason that this case is unskippable. if you took that little tiny bit out, this case would be worthless filler with nothing to offer.
except maya in the waitress outfit.
long live the lesbians.
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SP 1999 EPISODE 5 LIVEBLOG
And thus begins the final 2 parter of the series!!!!
Uh oh its 1794 and they're at an orphanage in paris
I'm gonna get my heart ripped out by the Dauphin aren't I goddammit
THE KIDS CALLING HIM YOUR MAJESTY LMAOOO
MY POOR BOY STOP SHOUTING AT HIM
I don't care what version of the story it is, I can and will get emotional over the Dauphin
LEAVE THE CHILD ALONE HES A LITERAL CHILD STOP MAKING HIM INSULT HIS PARENTS FFS
Who is the spooky man in the mask
Richard E Grant are you the spooky man in the mask
HE JUST FULL ON PUNCHED A WOMAN IN THE FACE AND STABBED A MAN IM NOT SO SURE THATS RICHARD E GRANT
Transformers wishes it has explosions like this
Awww percy being nice to the painter what a king
Women in pretty dresses yes please <3333
Marguerite in red dress is GORGEOUSSSS
Suzanne is also gorgeous for the record
PERCY AND MARGOT STOP HAVING FIGHTS IN FRONT OF THE PRINCE
SHES LEAVING HIM?????
Please tell me that was all part of a plan
I do not care if you are the Prince of England sir you will not touch my wife
Oh no
Oh I don't think it was planned at all
Margot you know what happened the last 2 times you were alone in france
Ugh ffs Chauvelin leave her aloneeeeee
"Your English is better than mine" says the British actor to the American actress
God they're so bad at small talk
Yeah Marguerite why have you left Percy we'd all like to know
Stop enjoying this so much Chauvvy damn
GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER SHES SLEEPING
Oh wait he was waking her up my bad
What do the French government want with Marguerite thoooo
OH SHIT MAYBE IT IS A PLAN
GODDAMN THEY HAD ME FOOLED
Robespierre has a model village akdndjeksndnd??????
Robespierre rolling his eyes and looking disgusted while Marguerite talks about falling in love with Percy lmaoooooo
She is a person thank you very much don't call her a piece of propaganda
Omgggg do we get to see margot back on stage lets gooo
"You should be in politics" oh robespierre if only you knew
WHY IS ROBESPIERRE LIKE A SULKING CHILDDDD
Chauvvy with a cigarette is kinda hot????
Andrew in a silly revolutionary beanie is too cute lmao
Who are they looking for
OH SHIT THE GUY THEYRE LOOKING FOR IS HANGING FROM THE CEILING
Yeah you go you funky actress stick your scene partners head into your chest
Oh god margot had to share a carriage with Chauvvy AND Robespierre?? That must have been the world journey in the worlddd
Oh nevermind the actress is a raging bitch
Aksjejskekrkrk she insulted robespierres playwrighting abilities
"It's an honour, Citizen robespierre-" "no, its an intrusion" lmao what a line
PERCY STOP KISSING YOUR WIFE CHAUVELIN IS RIGHT THERE
PERCY AND MARGOT REUNION AGAIN <3333
Uh oh the shaver cut Robespierre he's gonna dieee
He doesn't believe Percy is the Pimpernel despite the fact that he admitted it to Chauvelin??? Trust issues in full throttle I see
You go percy save that woman I believe in you
ROBESPIERRE BALANCING THE GLASSES ON THE WIG AGAIN LMAOOO
SIR THE DAUPHIN IS A CHILD DO NOT DARE BRING HIM TO TRIAL
The only time I will agree with Robespierre in this series is when he refuses to put a 10 year old on trial and execute him
Honestly Andrew looks so fit in his revolutionary disguise
Oh no where's the woman they were gonna save gone
OH FUCKED SHES BEEN DROWNED AND HER NECKS BEEN BROKEN
Stop bullying margot you bitch she's more of an actor than you'll ever be
We get a lot of sassy robespierre this episode and I'm enjoying it honestly
I hope the guy on stage rips his pants
Not out of spite or anything I just think it would be funny
I swear to god if she sabotages Margot ill cry
Girl what the fuck kind of Epilogue is this
DONT CALL MY WIFE A TRAITOR YOU BASTARD
Shoutout that one random man in the audience for starting to sing i guess????
Look he saved Marguerite from looking completely stupid good on him
Two seconds ago they were insulting her and now they're carrying her through the streets on shoulders??
Aww percy looks so proud of her <33
Another episode done!
Only one episode left this season now, I can't wait to see how this goes!!
#the scarlet pimpernel#sky liveblogs#sky watches sp1999#the scarlet pimpernel 1999#richard e. grant#Martin shaw#elizabeth mcgovern
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1/2 and we are now at 5x11 and he is so fucking happy because Brian said i love you and they are back together. He’s smiling so big its actually hilarious.
And the scene opens with Brian at church ‘what the fuck is going on? WHO FUCKING DIED?! DID THEY KILL MIKE? I mean he was an annoying little shit but that’s a bit much. WHY IS BRIAN IN A COFFIN?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS- oh thank fuck its a dream. A horrible one at that.’ ‘Has Brian not been home to shower, fucking hell, i feel so fucking bad for him. Ted is fully in survival mode huh?’ ‘Blondie is at the hospital! Wheres Brian! I need the happy couple back on the screen. Fucking hell Emy is scared now. Okay so Mike is alive and well, good. Now back to Brian and Justin’ And we are at the scene with Brian and Cynthia now ‘i fucking love these two. Look how he cares for everyone. He has a big fucking heart and it pisses me off that people pretend he doesn’t.’ And WE ARE AT THE FIRST PROPOSAL SCENE!!! *said with huge excitement and then it died down* ‘BRIAN AND JUSTIN AT HIS umm place…i love when they mock each other. Ahhh young LOVE. Country manor? Since when has that been a dream? I love seeing Brian around Justin when he works. I have no clue why but I do.’ Brian asks if he heard what he said to him last night ‘yes, i did Brian! Over the sound of my own tears but i heard it! *he paused it RIGHT BEFORE THE PROPOSAL AND I WANTED TO SCREAM* why the fuck is blondie being dismissive..bro that’s not what i wrote in the script inside my little brain *plays ep and Brian propose* um W- WHAT. *he moves forward while sitting as if he heard wrong and then pauses it when Brian talks about his dream* i hate *waves his cast to the tv and scoffs* but i also hate how everyone keeps doubting his change. Like bro let that man change. But also huh *plays ep* NOT WITHOUT HIM! So wait, hold the fuck up. Brian says he loves him. And they kiss. And he..*scoffs again* proposes. And then Blondie just says thanks and thats it? So THEYRE NOT TOGETHER?’ And we are with Ted and Brian at the club ‘i actually get why he doesn’t wanna reopen the club again. It is kinda weird in a way..i dont know. Oh Ted is not in a good shape. Whats going on with everyone’ We are now at the scene with Mel, Linds and Justin and mel says its good they realized what they had before its too late ‘PLEASE TELL ME THAT THIS MAKES BLONDIE RETHINK SOME STUFF…i still hate the..you know what? Im gonna be quiet and not judge. Just go back to Brian’ and we are at the scene with Jen and Brian ‘JEN AND BRIAN!! MY FAVORITE PEOPLE! FINALLY! (She says the judy line) i fucking love this woman! And look so does Brian! They shouldve had more scenes together, this wouldve been amazing (jen says he wants to sell the loft) WHAT?! Why? So not panic then why the fuck is he selling? What is happening? (Brian tells about the proposal) oh my god. HE TOLD HER? Holy fucking shit. *starts laughing cause jen offers pills* i love her but im sure he has some stronger shit in his drawer. OF COURSE SHES SORRY HES NOT HER SON IN LAW! This is the mother he shouldve had. Remember their first scene? I love them’ The scene with Brian and Ben happens ‘man fuck every single one of those protestors. Go to hell. BEAT HIS ASS BEN! I cannot believe that Brian is the collected and calm one. My boy is growing.’ ‘Ah fuck thats why Ted is acting this way. Poor fucking guy. But thats not your fault, man. Hate to say it Teddy but the dude is right, youre not god..that dude sucks’ Brian says he calls him Zen Ben ‘i call you boring. Once again Brian is better than me. It’s still fuck Mike tho *looks at me* what? i can say it now, he’s alive’ Mel and Linds talk about Canada ‘what the fuck is she on? Does she think that this type of shit won’t happen anywhere else?’ And we are at the second proposal now: ‘where the fuck are they going? I hate this car. (It shows the house and he is suspicious and brian says ‘we do’) WE? since when do we speak French? Fuck is he talking about we? THATS WHY HE SOLD THE LOFT?! Wait he bought this for Justin?’ *he pauses tv and stares at me and then just goes back to watching*
Country manor? Since when has that been a dream? RIGHT!?! What is up with Justin this fucking season? Since when does he want to live in the middle of nowhere and be married with children? SINCE WHEN? (And also Brian told him since Day 1 that was never going to happen)
I love seeing Brian around Justin when he works. I have no clue why but I do. YES (also this inspires me for my fic ;) )
Brian asks if he heard what he said to him last night ‘yes, i did Brian! Over the sound of my own tears but i heard it! THE I LOVE YOU HEARD ROUND THE WORLD
i hate *waves his cast to the tv and scoffs* but i also hate how everyone keeps doubting his change. <- Yes on both counts. Like everyone doubts his change so he reverts to what he’s always been and then everyone says “see, it wasn’t real.” But also WTF is this sudden focus on marriage? I hate it. It makes no sense. Leave Ben and Mikey to be the happy married boring couple and let Brian and Justin stay themselves.
This Brian and Jen scene is one of my all time favorites. The two of them have come so far. And Jen is the mother Brian deserves.
Okay… onto the proposal (worst idea ever, fuck you forever writers)
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023
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'A Perilous Journey' liveblog!!!!
GOOD MORNINGGGG its season two timeee!!!
I decided I'm watching episode 1 now, and episode 2 in a few hours. My shift starts weirdly late in the day so it works out.
As always, spoilers below the cut!!
Before I even get started I love how this episode is called a perilous journey. It's not quite the book title but damn near close 😂
0:10 ITS A RECAP BAYBEEE
1:27 dad!Milligan will never not make me cry
1:29 AND MOM!MISS PERUMAL RIGHT AFTER
2:12 HERE WE GOOOOOO
2:19 BLEASE tell me Kate is training rats
2:23 just kidding its Sticky
2:36 STOP MADGE STOLE THE RAT LMAOOO
2:41 oh. She left a letter. That's not conspicuous at all 😂
2:59 Mystic is so tall now 🥺
3:13 WETHERALL FARM??????
3:17 I SEE A BARN THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Also that was fucking creative Kate but how strong is that boomerang to knock multiple full-grown apples off of the tree
3:24 MILLIGAAAANNNNNN
3:34 MADGE NAME DROP!!! I have a confession to make related to Madge that I think is the funniest fucking thing ever. Remind me to tell y'all at some point
3:46 omfg are we about to watch the kidnapping??? how telling is it that I thought of Gert immediately LMAOOOO
3:55 they look adorable. Matching umbrellas, cute long coats... icons
3:58 THEYRE FAMILY BITCHES
4:06 is that supposed to be a time magazine dupe
4:06 I also think its hilarious that Curtain's original plan was to take credit for solving the emergency by just. mass brainwashing. good plan there bud, very sustainable
4:06 but like isnt he wanted now??? Isnt that a thing? In the books the government was actively looking for him so tf is this
4:14 THE OPENING IS BAAAACK
4:14 "skip opening" how insulting. No
4:42 THE SHORTCUT!!!!!
4:50 who decided to make Constance's screen an arctic clown ship 😂😂
5:12 here's that unhinged interview from the trailer. I didnt think it would come this quickly
5:28 Constance just fucking staring at the TV as if she can intimidate him into stopping LMAO
5:39 WHAT??? So in S1 when he said he'd "share the spotlight" THIS is what he meant?? What a curveball. He's going to regret countering her
5:50 fucking god complex strikes again
6:01 he looks like he's wearing a straight jacket on that back cover. Probably appropriate considering he's uhhhh Like That
6:20 god I hate him. Stop being manipulative challenge (impossible)
6:26 YES ABSOLUTELY sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, all of the shit makes happiness stand out. Without the struggle our lives would be shaded of grey because happiness wouldnt be distinguishable
6:43 why does this sound like homeopathic medicine
7:03 is this like a weird TV hypnosis thing. Is he doing the fake happiness thing on her without her consent
7:09 ohhhh I did NOT like the shift from looking at her to looking at the camera. Creepy
7:15 RHONDA YOU SHOULDVE LET HER DO IT
7:15 Rhonda as usually you look fucking fire
7:26 Dutch baby?? First of all, presentation is 10/10. Second of all it makes me very sad that they're the only two in the house because Mr. B and Number Two are already gone.
7:38 why the fuck did she answer in French 😂😂
7:44 THEYRE SISTERS YOUR HONOR
8:03 HAHHA THIS IS THE LOG-CUTTING THING??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
8:13 that scream sounded like a fucking bird of prey HAHA
8:29 literally describing how it feels to travel with parents over a long period. I swear they are literally a fucking family
8:36 "just as much for him as it is the kids" oh absolutely it is, he's a mess when it comes to Nathaniel
9:01 DOES HE JUST GO TO SYMPOSIUMS AND GET UP AND SPEAK 😂😂😂 what the fuck guy
9:24 "who's mocking me?" "Doesnt matter." They're banter is UNCHALLENGED. also his face is fucking funny HOLD UP
9:24 GRUMPY MAN IS GRUMPY
9:37 calling Nathaniel "some guru with all this influence" REALLY makes him sound like he tries on makeup products and does skincare routines on youtube 😂
9:41 "we seem pretty safe" oh babygirl if that's not the nail in the coffin
10:05 they really nailed the "local man does something weird" vibes in this scene
10:17 dont tell me it already happened. Oh no
10:27 OH SHIT THERE IT IS
10:39 oh my gosh he's such a DADDD.
10:45 "a tiny go bag or gorp". I love him so much
10:54 HE WITTLED IT FOR THE BUCKET STOOOOP
11:03 AND THE DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS
11:10 "it's my job to take care of you also. Additionally." He understands she's been on her own up until this point and acknowledges that she can handle herself, but also that she's a kid who needs help just like anyone else. CRYING.
11:15 she didn't even put it in the bucket, just her pocket 😂😂 she's so reluctant to accept
11:25 MILLIGAN PLEASE GET A BUCKET HAHAHA
11:30 okay that truck is incredible LOL
11:40 .....why would you do that to a grapefruit. What did the grapefruit do to you huh
12:08 HERE'S THE LETTERS ANGST. REYNIE WROTE THEM SO MANY LETTERS
12:16 can I just say Miss Perumal is the queen of pastels
12:43 the reality of long-distance friends. My best friends from high school and college live SO far away and it's like this sometimes
12:50 acknowledging his feelings, giving him comfort, AND indulging him?? If the adoption papers arent signed already they really should be
12:57 HAHA IS SHE PRACTICING TO SEE THEM??? LMAO KID
13:19 stooooppp she's so cute
13:26 LMAO EVERYONE GOT THERE AT THE SAME TIME
13:44 Reynie and Sticky had the sense to bring a suitcase, Kate
13:51 she's not wrong, they are taller 😂
13:58 THAT LOOK BETWEEN CONNIE AND KATE LMAOOOO
14:01 this is a funny moment and all but Reynie desperately looking for affirmation anywhere he can find it makes me so sad for him
14:07 THE HIGH FIVES!!!! Cue everyone wincing
14:15 HAHA HAVE THEY JUST NOT TALKED ABOUT THE WHISPERER SINCE THEN
14:27 ohhhh Milligan looks nice
14:38 STOP THEYRE SO FUNNY
14:45 it looks like a minecraft golem, or the pokemon golett 😂
15:01 oh lord the news broke, that has to be it
15:15 dun dun DUNNNN
15:34 it's so cool that they planned check-ins like that. How smart
16:15 okay both of them switching between languages was fucking sick
16:18 and here it is, the kids have been told no, so they will find their own way
16:41 oh shit, they have a short timeframe then
16:47 I cant tell if this is manipulative or Constance not being able to contain herself. Like I doubt she would do this in front of the others but she's already shown she trusts everyone more than she lets on, soooo
17:09 is this Constance's room??
17:16 HAHA I KNEW IT she DID hug Rhonda to get something out of it
17:31 he sounded so offended 😂😂😂
18:09 she kills me. The line delivery is just on point
18:59 is this from the book? It's a dictionary, right?
19:14 HAHA he just fucking LEAVES
19:22 OH SHIT HELLO????
19:43 RAGE GIRL, RAGE
19:46 HAHAHAHA HER FACE WHEN THE SNACKS POP OUT
19:46 IM CRYING HER EYES BUGGED OUT SO MUCH
20:13 "many sociopaths are unfailingly polite" that describes Nathaniel so fucking well
20:25 casual destruction of property
20:25 HOLD ON LMAOO how much did they have to pull on that thing for it to come out of the door at such a small tug???? Oh no I'm sad
20:33 AYYYY there it is, it's a dictionary
20:52 "last...time I checked" oh buddy hahahahah
21:14 "there is no system" the system is the organized chaos that every person with ADHD understands- it's a mess but a very specific mess
21:19 awwwww. He's trying to reach across 🥺
21:29 VERY SMOOTH REYNIE
22:00 okay the nothingness club sounds like a cult
22:13 awwww there it issss. The dam is breaking
22:30 AND NOW ITS THE SAME WITH THE GIRLS. I love that they're ramping up the similarities between Reynie and Constance
22:45 awwww loneliness. They're so sad
22:59 "not dad. Roommate" okay girl you tell yourself that
23:14 THE BOOK CHAIR. THATS INCREDIBLE
23:23 "You LIKE me." LMAO KATE CALL HER OUT
23:40 needy dad is needy
23:54 hagagaga why does he keep looking at Constance like that
24:35 good job Kate!!!!
24:46 YES THEY GOT THE JOURNAL FUCK YEAH
25:16 TAKE THE SHORTCUT BABY
25:47 "does anyone feel like they've entered a trance" Constance 😂😂😂😂
26:12 "I feel uncleen" HAHAHAH
26:25 THERE IT ISSSS TAKE THE SHORTCUT BAYBEEEE
26:42 MARITIME MONTHLY LMAOOOO
27:15 yeah Kate, everybody knows that. Gosh.
27:44 YES Reynie get the group's consent before doing something stupid
28:02 she's writing a fucking newsletter apparently
28:10 very subtle guys
28:19 okay the fact that Kate is left makes me think Milligan is going to come
28:24 okay, just kidding. Also I love the shoes
28:27 ayyy public transit
28:34 OKAY WHO TF WAS THAT
28:48 wow they didnt get any kind of head start, Rhonda's going to see they're gone immediately
28:58 SHIT SHE SCREAMED FOR HIM
28:58 KATE LEFT HIM A NOOOOOTE 😭😭😭
29:11 MISS PERUMAL NOOOO
29:12 ayyyyyy it's the Shortcut!!!
29:37 oh shit the adults have the tickets??? So what I'm hearing is the kids are sneaking on and the adults are using tickets
30:14 oh shit Sticky 😂 or should I say "oh ship"
30:20 HAHHAHA KATE "ha. stern" CRYING
30:34 PETTY CRIME BAYBYYYYY
30:42 NOOOOO its Boston tea party but without the tea
30:56 oh God why is he like that
31:03 he looks like he's about to star in a 80's dance video
31:07 NOOO HE ACTUALLY STARTED DANCING
31:15 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
31:18 PLEASE STOP HAHAHAHA
31:27 please dear god let SQ walk in on this
31:30 not SQ but someone else
31:46 what the fuck just happened
31:49 ITS GOLF CART TIME BITCHES
32:16 I'm so glad he looks that stupid in his little cart thing. I cant wait to make fun of him
32:32 who are you calling "Associate" bitch
32:46 CULT
32:52 "elated" OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK
32:59 Milligan holding his hat like that is just too fucking endearing.
33:06 so are their tickets just. Null and void now 😂
33:12 did they really just ditch their shit 😂😂😂😂😂 the bags are just there in the open
33:18 parents. PARENTS. Also this kind of is like Reynie although Miss Perumal has never seen him in an active life and death situation like this
33:23 Rhonda is once again the voice of reason
33:27 "they believed us" AWWWWWW
33:45 shit is it already over??? Damn those are some long credits then
Wow, that was really good. The kids met back up, they had an awkward start but fell into that familiarity almost immediately. The parents were very parental. Although in hindsight, Sticky's were pretty much absent. What the fuck's up with that??
And the biggest tragedy is that there was no "roll credits" moment. They didn't namedrop the episode title 🙃 please bring that back in the test of the season I loved that so much
This took a lot longer to do than I thought, so I'm waiting to watch episode 2 until later tonight. I cant wait to talk about it with y'all!!!
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epic rap battles of history gordon ramsay vs julia child begin and that's how you make a perfect risotto right mrs child welcome to the grown-ups table ive got exactly two minutes and you should be grateful causeim in the fucking weeds with all these shows to pitch ikeep my ovens preheated and my pilots green lit im a seasoned skillet your a pam sprayed pan i got michelin stars youre like the michelin man im rolling in dough like beef wellington from hollering and im shitting on you like im whack-flows intolerant oh isnt that a wonderful thing a grumpy little chef who thinks he can bring enough stuff to justify getting rough with the butter loving queen of the bourguignon boeuf i rock hard as concrete on top of these bomb beats been chopping the pommes frites since you sucked on ur moms teats i served AMERICA🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲 dutifully and i slice lard beautifully i reign supreme from shark repellent to charcuterie go on and cross your arms in that b boy stance when it comes to haute cuisine theres one f word FRANCE🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷 heres a nice amuse-bouche take a poor abused youth set a thirty year timer voila huge douche youre a namby pamby candy ass pansy gordon ramsay you couldnt rap your way out of a pastry bag understand me i laugh and create you berate and destroy but fear my dear boy is less scrumptious than joy im glad you got that off your giant flabby chest id call you a donkey but you look more like shrek when the iron man chef busts a rhyme ill open up on you like a fine red wine im a culinary innovator youre no creator regurgitating FRENCH🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷 plates like a glorified translator im fresh youre past your expiration date aight fuck it blue team drop the bouillabaisse yes chef ive seen your little show and it sure aint pretty one part big bird two parts miss piggy you cant test me with your fatty recipes call your book mastering the art of heart disease i mean its rubbish yes chef look at page four hundred eight tell me who the fuck wants to learn to cook calf brains you call these rhymes raw theyre stale and soft now here take this jacket now give it back and fuck off oh please your defeats guaranteed concede ive got this in the bag sous vide michelin indeed youve done well for yourself but as a person you couldnt get a star on yelp i could freeze a steak with those frosted tips whats with that bitter taste in every word from your lips you scream at women but the fits that youre pitchin make you the pissiest bitch in the kitchen ill pat you on the head melt you and stick it to ya anythings good with enough butter booya oh im so glad you spent this time with me now eat a dick bon appetit who won whos next you decide epic rap battles of history
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Hey !! :D
How are you ? I hope you’re feeling okay ! :)
I love your writing, so.. can i request smtg ?
Idk if you write for these characters, if you don’t write for them or don’t like this request you can just ignore it !!
Then, can i request Tokyo Revengers boys (Mitsuya, Rindou, Izana and Chifuyu maybe ?) reacting to their s/o being followed and they just protecting them because theyre a lil scared ? Idk if that makes sense !! (Im french btw so english isnt my first language)
Thanks in advance <33
TR BOYS WHEN THEIR S/O IS BEING FOLLOWED
summary: what would they do if their s/o is being followed
characters: mitsuya, rindou, izana, chifuyu
warnings: reader being followed by stranger
note: hello nonnie!! tysm for requesting~ and don’t worry for the characters, i write for every of them if i don’t specify it <33
; you were totally scared, and you could sense that someone was following you since you got out of your school
; at first you tried to ignore it, but then you saw a shadow of a middle aged man behind you
; panic was starting to get into your body and you could barely breath
MITSUYA
; “y/n?”
; your boyfriend’s voice reached softly your ears
; slowly you looked into his eyes, scared
; “babe is everything alright?”
; you could still feel a presence behind a corner, so you lowered your voice
; “tsu, listen, there’s this man who’s following me since i got out of school.. c-could we walk a-away from here?”
; mitsuya immediately hugged you, pulling you closer to him
; “stay here angel, i’ll take care of it”
; then he walked towards the man, who instantly looked away, as if he wasn’t following you
; “you gotta a problem with my s/o, man?” your boyfriend asked calmly
; “hm? n-no? besides, who are you? do they really have a boyfriend?” the man sounded so annoying yet creepy
; “yup, and their boyfriend is right here, ready to beat the shit out of you”
; we can all imagine what happened later
;then mitsuya safely escorted you to his house, just in case that creep wouldn’t follow the both of you and know your address
; probably spent the whole night with you in his arms, just because he could feel that you needed it
IZANA
; “y/n?”
; you heard izana’s beautiful voice approaching you
; you quickly turned your face to meet his eyes
; “why.. are you trembling? did something happen?” you could tell by his tone that he was starting to worry
; you could barely speak, the only thing sure was that that man was still there, and he was coming closer to the two of you
; “excuse me, young boy, do you perhaps know them?” he asked to your boyfriend, who was still trying to understand the situation
; izana never took his eyes off yours, “yes, they are my partner, is there a problem?” he slowly turned to finally face the man
; “tsk” he just said, before trying to casually walk away from the both of you “it seems I’ve mistaken you for another person”
; you couldn’t even look at the man, because you knew that he will be there to follow you for all the following days, as he was doing since two weeks now
; “wait a sec old man” your boyfriend put a hand on the creep, stopping him “i don’t know why.. but my s/o here is quite afraid of you. ‘care to explain’?”
; “boy careful on how you speak to me, you will regret it”
; izana just let out a giggle before landing a kick on the man’s face, making him pass out
; “now then, angel. lets go home! i’ll put outta your school a bunch of my men, just to make sure this dude doesn’t follow you anymore”
; with this said, he placed an arm around your waist and started walking the two of you home
; prob spent all of the next hours with you, playing video games or doing some fun stuff together
RINDOU
; tbh this brat didn’t even see you, since he was walking while scrolling on his phone
; as soon as you saw him, you started walking faster, hearing also the steps behind you accelerate
; “rin! hello babe, what are you doing here?” you suddenly raised your voice in his direction, making him jump on his feet
; “hi sweet cheeks, just got out of school?” he said, placing a quick kiss on your lips
; he immediately noticed that someone was hiding behind a tree not far from you, but still decided to ignore it, maybe it was just a coincidence
; “what are you up to?” you asked with a trembling voice, he raised his eyebrow trying to understand why
; “is.. everything alright y/n?”he whispered
; “no its fucking not. there’s a creep that has been following me since i got out of school.. now that i think about it, i-its not even the first time i see him, he’s always walking around here..”
; your boyfriend immediately embraced you, telling you not to worry
; his scent succeed to calm you down a bit, and when he made sure of this, he quickly took off his glasses
; “can i leave them in your hands for a bit? im afraid they will dirt with blood”
[…]
; then he took you to his home, and spent a whole evening cuddling with you in his arms, eventually letting you style his hair
CHIFUYU
; this boy will stand for you even against 100 and im not joking
; the problem now was that he wasn’t here with you, while some creep was following you
; and he wasn’t even answering to your calls or messages
; you were seriously tempted to call the police, until you heard a familiar voice
; “come here,,, kitty kitty, where are you? I’ve brought you food~”
; you heavily sighed
; “oh my god chifuyu not again” you said to yourself, completely forgetting the old man behind you
; you ran to your boyfriend as soon as you saw him, scolding him because he shouldn’t buy cat food every time he sees one of them
; he cutely pouted at you, faking his sadness “but look at how cute he is!”
; you two ended up staying on the street for all evening, with the cat, being a lovey-dovey couple
; that man probably died of cuteness and understanding that you already had a boyfriend, he never followed you again
; he probably started being afraid of cats ofter this
#🍓—vany tr’s hcs#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers fluff#tokyo revengers headcanons#mitsuya x reader#rindou x reader#chifuyu x reader#izana x reader
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Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?
we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play.
(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)
so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does).
david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).
with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.
in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.
what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.
(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)
as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).
(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)
im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.
i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.
joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.
whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.
so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)
#anon#answered#hockey info#wow this took legit like several hours to write between stints of taking care of the baby#ok to rb lmao
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girl same. when you're awake and ready, may i please have hc's or a scenario for Rook with an absolutely head-empty, thembo s/o? i mean absolutely no thoughts, just wii music on repeat kinda dumbass.
Now im sat down i can get this done I've been thinking about it all day
Rook sees beauty in anything and everything its just how he is
He would 100% admire you from far away at first, loves watching them work out if they do
If they work out outside then he will definitely be taking photos and commenting on your form in little notes
Simple things like the way you hold your arms up or how much you can bend yourself backwards
Even notes if you have one side of your body stronger than the other, he knows everything down to how much stronger side a is than side b
Going off your appearance he will make sure he knows of every little thing that maybe they don't even know about themself
Knows where all their freckles are, any scars you have and how he thinks you got them, birthmarks? He knows about them
This poor man would melt if you could pick him up, carry him bride style and he will NOT stop talking about how strong his s/o is, poor vil has heard enough at this point
At first he doesn't realise just how stupid they actually are
Even if you are smart and do fine academically if needed...... but like common sense? Nahhhh
If him and his s/o are in the same year he probably spends more time admiring the way you write or you napping on the school desk or throwing notes at him than what you're actually writing
You could write the entire fucking bee movie script and he'd just be swooning over how your hair falls over your face or the fact that you bite your lip whenever your pen leaves the paper
But if they are a total moron and could mistake a fruit for a hat hes in all honesty a little concerned
He takes you under his wing and teaches you anything you want to know, he wouldn't want his love falling behind
He would also simp so hard if you asked him to teach you French or even if you already could speak a little
Teaches you compliments in French and constantly reminds you how much he loves you
The first time he hears you say je t'aime (I love you) he probably tears up a little bit even if your pronunciation is awful he loves it
Will also teach you insults if you want for a laugh, loves that he can swear in French with vil around and vil just 👁👄👁
Probably teaches epel a few swear words for a laugh and the three of you just insult people in French so that vil can't tell you to mind your language
As someone whose brain is just wii music I tend to come up with some of the stupidest questions known to man and oh dear god
He doesn't understand that these questions don't need answering and will actually try find an answer to them
If he can't figure it out he will message vil at ungodly hours with questions like 'if a tomato is a fruit is ketchup a smoothie?'
Vil just tells him to sleep and that his s/o is an idiot (cue mira mira is ketchup a smoothie?)
But seriously IS KETCHUP A SMOOTHIE
If people tend to be intimidated by your looks he will be putting a stop to that,if anyone in pomefiore is stood still they will be bothered with a "bonjour have you met my s/o theyre really kind and I think you'd get on well with them?"
There isn't a single member of his dorm that doesn't know of you whether your in their dorm or a different one
Deffo the kind of bf to show you off and vil can't count how many times rook has shown him a photo of you
And oh god if you show any interest in archery or hunting he will actually propose to you
Hunting competitions, it doesn't matter if you kill animals or if you just aim at flimsy little targets he loves having someone who shares his intrests
Will get into anything you like too wether it be a sport,a music genre, a video gsme, TV series literally anything this man is doing it with you
Feel like a went a little off topic but oh well I guess, I need to order my pizza 🍕 🙃
Also if someone could be so kind and send me literally anything but with anon on so I can make sure its working because my phones having a little breakdown and I don't appreciate it. Hopefully people will now realise that I will write almost anything and I would also make edits like I did with sebeks coat and lilias hair
I will make a post at some point with what I will and won't write, maybe doing little writings on this account will improve my writing abilities because I love writing but I just have no belief im myself lmao, and that's on inferiority complex due to childhood trauma
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst rook#rook hunt#twst vil#vil schoenheit#twst epel#epel felmier#rook hunt x reader#rook x reader
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episode 9 baby!!! dear lord that was a lot!!
frankly, i'm still in shock that i full on manifested an opera stage, AND it was a rock opera stage at that! plus i got a jazz stage AND a taemin stage??? if they’re pulling out all my favourites now then what on earth are they gonna do in the finale??? this was a very overwhelming crop of stages, i thought i was going to be prepared, but oh no i was not prepared. i'm just going to get right into it because this one is gonna be long and i have many words. i'll discuss in airing order first, and then put my personal rankings for this round at the end.
btob
costume
changsub, you absolute king. spectacular. stunning. incredible. zoot suit riot playing in my brain on repeat. will i finally get the zoot suit revival of my fucking dreams instead of this current drab ill-fitting suit trend? for those who are wondering why in the fuck changsub is dressed like that and what on earth i’m talking about, the specific cut of suit that he’s wearing is called a zoot suit, which were popular in mexican, black and italian american communities in the 30s and 40s, until they were outlawed by the united states war production board as a fabric rationing method as part of the war effort in 1942. there was a huge amount of mob violence surrrounding the wearing of them (there were actual zoot suit riots) as they were direct counter culture fashion to the predominant drab trends of white americans at the time. i'm actually very impressed they got a proper (modernized) cut of zoot suit instead of just putting him in an oversized one; there are actually specific structural differences. the pegged trouser legs, large should pads, and knee length single breasted jacket are key features, and they were often in much more flashy fabrics than a pinstripe, but they get points for effort. i wish they had put all of them in zoot suits but he’s playing the ‘lead’ actor so i will begrudgingly forgive them.
eunkwang those are the stupidest sleeve garters ive ever seen i love them never take them off. they’re like someone decided to repurpose a suspender in the worst way. excellent. i do love that they’ve got three of them in oxford saddle shoes, another great touch.
love the three piece and the fedora* on peniel. it's also in a relatively close period cut; waistcoasts (vests) were generally cut much higher in the neck pre-war, we only start seeing the neckline slide down in the 60s (i think? i don’t remember when exactly). also love to see a proper sleeve and jacket length, it's good practice to have at least a finger’s width of sleeve cuff visible ahead of the jacket sleeve when hanging at rest. also looks like there’s french cuffs on everyone, which is also great.
minhyuk in his slutty lowneck shirt....thank you. in addition to the zoot suit revival i would also like a revival of those ultra low necklines on mens’ shirts from like 2010-2011. i don’t think those are the same boots from the backdoor stage but those are some beautifully cut boots. i also loved the little details of his crewmember look, especially the chunky watch and the string bracelets; those are super realistic, i know so many crew with them and i had several for many years. and who doesn’t love a visible button fly?
none of any of the other costumes are period in any way shape or form but i’m forgiving it because there’s several layers of meta in this stage, and they explicitly based it on la la land, even though we don’t respect la la land in this house. do i wish they had gone more strictly period with at least the jazz club ‘actors’ a little more? absolutely, but i'm not mad about it.
set
again we’ve got a good delineation of the two different ‘stages,’ there’s the club itself in the smaller stage and the soundstage set in the larger space. you can pretty clearly see all the ‘pieces’ of the set on the soundstage, especially the obvious set painting techniques on false prosc frame and the window facade from that first little scene. also the you can see the castors (wheels) on all the setpieces too, which is another nice little versimilitudinous** (triple word score!) touch, as old hollywood movies were made still using theatre stagecraft techniques.
i love how the visual shorthand for ‘this is a set wink wonk’ is just...leaving a ladder on stage. i see it all the time and it's so funny. it doesn’t always make sense because as soon as there’s actors on set the ladders are the first thing cleared because actors cannot be trusted, but yes there are always ladders, so. also psa ladder safety is no joke, please be careful on ladders.
nice streamline of the mnet deco into the club. i’m consistently surprised at how well the designers have been able to mask it or use it to their advantage, because in the normal kingdom stage lighting it is SO obvious and stylistic that it always sticks out.
i'm going to ignore the fact that they implied changsub and miyeon were drinking wine out of martini glasses.
lighting
no complaints, it does its job. everything is visible and super clear. love that the ‘scene’ changes are made through the lighting, it's a really simple and effective device to change atmosphere. purple/blue/amber are the most flattering colours on human skin and that’s why you see it so commonly in stage lighting. also blue/lavendar is the best way to show nighttime/moonlight.
really nice and subtle projection work, especially with the billboard bit and the blue moon sign in the club. despite being obviously meta/’world breaking’ it’s actually very seamless and fits well into the flow of the stage.
sound
i love love love the big band feel in the intro, combined with the piano lead. very duke ellington, as all things should be.
no complaints. i love big band. i love eunkwang’s voice. i have nothing else to say.
staging
i LOVE this movie within a movie within a performance meta nonsense! it's such a fun concept and it is exactly what i wanted ikon’s first round stage to be! i also love to see btob consistently coming up with concepts that are inventive and fun and allow them to showcase their technical performance skills without the aerobics the younger groups are putting themselves through. it provides a really lovely variety and it just goes to show that you can make impressive, dramatic stages without having to be serious or ‘dark.’
i do wish they had leaned into the band director/lead singer with eunkwang a bit more; this could have been a really excellent place for a tap number a la the nicholas brothers or an homage to cab calloway. i know i know this was meant to be la la land themed but la la land is a cheap and whitewashed version of jazz and look me right in the eyes and tell me this isn’t the greatest tap routine of all time. i know i’ve typed this out somewhere before but la la land is just a conglomeration of old hollywood tropes and so stylistically cheap that this would have such a better visual core if they had actually looked back at the real old hollywood musicals like stormy weather. even singing in the rain and an american in paris have such phenomenal visuals and are really beautiful examples of the scope you can pull off with a limited technical capacity and sticking to these old techniques.
now that i'm thinking about it, oh my GOD i would DIE for a lindy hop routine in kpop PLEASE. i know it would never happen because kpop doesn’t like partner dancing and not a single kpop boy has the chops but oh you think fourth gen has too many acrobatics?
this got off track but i think you see my point.
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ateez
costume
these are really sharply cut suits. and the detail work on the beading??? so beautiful. i'm disappointed that they gave me a rock opera stage without the true ridiculousness of rock opera costuming, because they could have pushed this a lot farther if they really wanted. a tragic lack of gay little outfits, seonghwa’s lace choker is just not enough! two favourite suits: hongjoong’s and yunho’s.
that being said i do actually really like these. this stage is actually very modern opera with a kpop twist and i'm a little surprised by that? i continue to be impressed by the ateez team who are clearly doing their research.
i'm absolutely not going back through their stages to check all the choreography but i wonder if you can track all the ‘wound’ placements to places they’ve been ‘hit.’ i wouldn’t put it past them to have put that thought in but also i’m not expecting that much either.
who is this white grim reaper bdsm executioner chain arm man. where did he come from. i have no idea and i love it.
why is honjoong blindfolded. it was such a fast beat, if youre gonna blindfold someone give it a little longer and some more obvious narrative weight!
seonghwa does that quickchange, runs across that massive stage to the smaller set, and gets into places in like 45 seconds. it's not the hardest quickchange in the world but still, under a minute is fast for any quickchange, especially when there’s travel time involved. i think the fastest, most complex quickchange i ever did was in university which was a 50s cocktail dress into a flannel and culottes with a shoe, hair, and jewelry change in 35 seconds. and that took three dressers. quickchanges are always impressive. the added bonus of this review being later is that i can specifically reference that you can see him book it the fuck off stage in the full cam!
cute moment with the backup dancers dressed in costumes from the previous stages. i'm assuming this is a time travel reference? i'll get more into my thoughts on this in the staging section. regardless, love to see that iconic seonghwa moment again.
set
this is such a restricted space! they really pared down their dancing space with those staircases and ....arms? honestly i have NO clue what these are supposed to be. the only thing i can maybe think of is flying buttresses??? but why?? i mean, i'm 90% sure theyre just there for drama and i agree but i do still have questions.
there’s a lot of moving parts in this set? the buttresses, and the upstage centre staircase. i don’t think the staircase is totally automated because i spotted some dancers securing it in place, but it’s still a moving part. i do really like that we get that expanding upwards energy, because it's really tough to get functional level movement in this kind of a performance, mostly because of its length and because it moves so quickly. so seeing the downward vertical movement and then the upward movement was actually a really nice visual contrast that made use of how tall those fucking ceilings are, and the fact that they had less horizontal space. in sort of similar way to sf9’s jealousy stage, using long, narrow vertical lines really makes it feel like a castle space. the interiors of castles, especially the really old ones, are a lot smaller than you think they would be.
i’ve actually seen that type of small house/tent/thing several times in various types of performances before, but i think this is the first time i’ve seen it used as a time travel device (other than in the say my name mv). aesthetically it's a bit incongruent but i dont really mind because i'm used to watching rock operas that look a lot weirder than this.
lighting
there is so much happening. i have NO clue what the projections are doing. i dont hate it though, so that’s a plus? there’s a clear-ish colour arc even if it does get a bit funky in the middle, which is why the projections dont feel as insanely distracting as some of the other stages we’ve seen.
the climax is a perfect example of how to light a busy stage with primarily red but still maintain clarity on the performers. a little bit of red goes a long way; the spark stage from last week would have looked so much better if they had done what the ateez designers did here.
sound
i know it's only ode to joy, but answer already gets my motor running and then i get so gassed by the guitars and then by the time those vocals come in i'm inconsolable. i don’t know why i wasn’t expecting a rock opera stage but i'm so glad i got that surprise because i genuinely love rock operas so much. it's two of the most dramatic genres in music, what more could you possibly want?
staging
the choreo for answer is so goofy that I'm kinda glad this was mostly terrible mnet boom shots. i love it, but you can't deny that it's goofy. i spotted a couple of moves from their other choreos as well?
choreographing dance fights is just as difficult as choreographing real fights and i think they did a fairly good job here. i think it was a solid mix of dance and conflict that erred on the side of dramatic rather than accurate and i prefer that over trying to be ‘realistic.’ i’ve only ever seen one truly realistic fight scene on stage and that was for a deeply naturalist play (boring and a waste of the medium), but the best fight scene i’ve ever seen was in the prague national ballet’s adaptation of kafka’s the trial where three ballet dancers beat the absolute snot out of the main character with the most beautiful leg extensions. that whole show was probably one of the best pieces of dance i’ve ever seen, holy fuck it was so good.
despite how insane the music and the visuals were going, i actually really liked how sedate this was, on the part of ateez’s performance. there was a really sophisticated and resigned energy from them that is very different from what we’ve previously seen and i think that was a pretty admirable risk to take. reaching the top and then throwing away the crown? especially in a competition where every other stage has involved stealing crowns or royalty and there’s a group competing that got here through that very concept? that shows a real maturity, peace of mind, and foresight that i did not at all expect from a bunch of 22 year olds.
here we come to a very interesting comparison. both ateez and tbz are very heavily leaning on previously established group lore. we all know my thoughts on why it isn’t working for tbz, but here’s why i think it is working for ateez: it's because it doesn’t matter to the audience’s understanding of the stage. i had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on the first time i watched this, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the music and all the weird shit they were doing. i totally believed that they understood what was going on. there’s a loose enough established conflict right at the beginning that draws us in, and really it doesn’t matter who they're fighting because they win in the end. the key here is that they’re so earnest. they believe 100% in every move they make on that stage. there’s no winks to camera, there’s not a drop of irony. they really deeply care about the ridiculousness of it all and that’s what makes it work. i sure as fuck dont know what’s going on, but i can see that they do, and i trust that. this is what i meant when i talked about convincing the audience you belong on stage in my stage presence post. i’ve never once believed that juyeon was anything other than an idol. he’s talented and very beautiful and he may occasionally stand on that stage like he owns it but it's always as juyeon. as an idol. but when hongjoong flaps around in that gigantic fur coat i 100% believe he’s a pirate captain. I believe he’s a punk rebel leader. i believe him a resigned king. there’s always a level of irony you have to fight as a performer because we all start from a place of disbelief. acting is not just lying to the audience, it's lying to yourself too. and if you succeed in convincing yourself? well, you’re already halfway to convincing us.
i checked it out because i wanted to see if they did the blindfold how i expected them to and was genuinely surprised by hongjoong’s fancam. the boy is EMOTING even when he knew the camera wasn’t on him; that’s a real dedication to craft.
ok i'm finished talking about this stage, this is over two pages in my document, there’s so many things i have not covered here but that’s fine, i'm quite sure any further thoughts will end up out there at some point.
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sf9
costume
let’s get it out of the way......crop top. crop top? crop top. crop top.
ok, besides the crop top, i think i might actually like the backup dancer outfits more...? i find mannequin adjacent looks really fascinating and i thought there was a lot more they could have done here in connecting the two thematically. i actually think a change of costume on the boys would have been very interesting, especially because there was a lot of inference and direct reference to changes of colour.
ALL the backup dancers are wearing the same wig and i LOVE that.
special mention zuho’s.....jacket? the right idea but it absolutely should have been one of those extreme french cut bodysuits, you COWARDS. don’t come at me with this ‘male version of venus’ if you don’t have your whole torso out! come on!
set
not sure if this is meant to be a department store, a factory, or a white cube gallery. honestly you could make the case that they’re all the same place anyways. more on this later.
i loved the movator and wish they had used it more! that sequence was so good and they could have done some more interesting repetition sequences to further highlight the ‘sameness’/the breaking of that sameness.
i feel like the set could have been used more as a whole? i would have loved to see some mannequin interactions with those boxes, because all they did was dump colour everywhere.
....why did they feel the need to include the rain bit? i know it's likely because it's in the mv and at the 2018 dream concert taemin does perform move in the rain, but with the standing still and the box walls with the words it just looks like a department store ad. which i...dont think is what they were intending?
lighting
nothing really to say here. it has a similar feel to the mayfly rap stage, which is fine because the lighting for that was good. i could tell what was going on all the time and that’s the most important part. notable standouts are the lips sequence, that's fun use of pop iconography and very effective, and the scanning lasers at the beginning.
the repeating sequence in the edm dance break is actually done pretty simply, it's just what happens when you point a camera that’s livestreaming to a monitor directly at that monitor. it's a very cool effect and it was neat to see it used intentionally, especially with the handheld leds.
actually i also really liked the lightbox tables, those were cool.
sound
the remix was fine for the most part, it was about what i expected it to sound like. i did however greatly dislike that unnecessary edm break in the middle. what was the point of that? it didn’t add anything to the overall sound or arc of the stage because it was SO out of place. there was no connective tissue around it.
oh i was also not a fan of the effect on zuho’s mic. no one else had a discernible vocal effect so it felt a little out of place. also for some reason his cadence and tone right at the end made me think of some of the voices that bo burnam uses for his vocal masque sketches/songs, especially repeat stuff, weirdly? took me right the fuck out of it. i listened to it again after i slept and i’m still getting it, so maybe i’m just going insane so best ignore this part.
staging
loved the mannequin tree, not a clue why it was there.
do actually think this is a successful cover because it does what i was hoping it would, which is take move completely out of the taemin context and put it into an entirely new one. however, i’m really struggling to figure out what exactly that new context is? and what theyre trying to say with it?
obviously they went for a ‘show your own colours/individuality’ vibe, like i said in the set section, where exactly is this supposed to be? from the start i get factory/mechanized environment, which is fine and grand because mannequins and making repetitive motions and products and all that, makes sense. but then there’s stacked shelving type units happening and curtains and that combined with the mannequins give me pretty big department store vibes, which is also fine, because that’s still a comment on commercialization and the mass production of product. but then we get to the movator and the repetitive movements of the dancers say pretty clearly factory, but the lighting and projections are very pop art referential, plus combining that with the white set, just makes me think of an art gallery. so now is this a comment on the commercialization and commidification of contemporary art? are they making a statement about being ‘real’ artists among the others who have lost the critical understanding of why pop art was even a thing in the first place? and then the rain bit at the end literally looks like a department store ad, so are they then making another statement that they still are that packaged product? maybe the episode has more clarity in it but i’m genuinely a bit baffled by what the underlying statement is here.
i suspect it is not as deep as i'm making it, but i did say that i was likely to be hyper critical of this stage AND i am a grad student, so here we are.
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tbz
costume
ok of all the ‘fourth gen’ style costumes we’ve seen, i actually like these ones more than most. i'm not entirely clear on the theme but i'm assuming it's meant to be post apocalyptic, and i'll take that.
backup dancers in black!!! we’re beyond this!!!
this will be a running theme with this stage, but i’m disappointed these don’t have more depth.
set
compared to every other stage, the set here seems especially plain. there’s so little set dec that it's disappointing. i do like the movement of the pieces themselves combined with the blocking; that first slide underneath the arches was slick and i would have liked to have seen more of that.
yea ok the big snake was cool and also a fairly complex build, but the transitions around it were a bit awkward for my tastes. especially the turn around, why did they even show that at all? you have control over what the audience sees, you can totally not show scenic transitions. skz were super smart about hiding theirs in last week’s episode.
also if you have a bigass puppet like that, i wanna see some more movement from it! it doesn’t have to be complex, we literally just saw a kraken balloon arm wave around aimlessly, but at least there was movement! that snake had a long ass body, why didn’t they at least take a pseudo dragon dance movement with it, that would have been such fun to watch with the iridescent scales. there was a lot of opportunity here!
lighting
i don’t hate it but also.... not a lot to say about it on the whole.
there were two really smart ideas here, the first being the front projection section, which i was SO glad to see! i explained in a previous review, but the projections in kingdom are not actually projections per se, because they’re actually massive led screens. there are two common types of projections in performance, rear projection and front projection. rear projection is when the projector is behind the screen, and front projection is ‘normal’ projection. rear projection can produce a crisper image because you have full control of the light values, because the projector is in a separate room from the performance space. but the downsides are that the projector has to be in a separate room from the performance space. so if you’re short on real estate, it's not ideal. front projection is much more common, because the tech is a lot cheaper and easier to access, especially now, and it requires less real estate because you can ceiling mount about the audience (you can move a projector wherever, this is just the most common spot in commercial theatres). but! in order to get an actually crisp image, you have to be really careful with your light bounce. it’s exactly the same principle as how you kinda can't see a projected screen when you have all the lights turned on, but when you turn them off it's a lot clearer. front projection works best in pitch dark, so when you use it in a theatre you gotta be smart about it. i use front projection a lot in my personal art practice as a singular light source, and that’s what tbz did here in that traveling/snake intro sequence. it’s a really fun technique that they used as a good gimmick because it’s not something we’ve seen before, and you get some great shadow effects because the projector is throwing light directionally at the performers (they have it set up close to the floor, it’s probably on a wheeled cart of some kind). however i did not like the snake intro. a bit too cheesy and out of place, especially because the asset quality didn’t match the rest of landscapes that we have been seeing.
the second smart idea, which is partially also a set and blocking thing but whatever, was that final image of the eclipse within the circle architecture with all the members standing in front of it. it was a great shot and a great ending pose, but it felt like a concept photo. like someone had that image as the idea that they then built the stage around, instead of a narrative first and then imagery after.
sound
this remix had SO much promise! those first two minutes were SO GOOD. i love that dirty discordant strings bit, it's gross and right up my alley. but it really fell off in the back half and i'm sad about that.
staging
i'm sorry tbz but.....what did you actually do differently than exo here? with the exception of the continual game of thrones references? nothing here felt transcendentally different from the original monster. and especially coming RIGHT after sf9’s move, which did go beyond its original context. this feels more like an awards show stage cover than a stage at the level of the others we’ve seen just this episode.
again like with the skz stage, there’s no conflict here. no tension. yes they do a great job covering the dance but it just isn’t enough! this is obviously personal preference and i'm sure lots of people liked the fact that it was uncomplicated, but even just a hint of narrative tension could have pushed this into more engaging territory. and if they didn’t want to do that, i would have loved to see them make up for that with extra visual spectacle. this is the no limits round! ikon is putting a full jungle on stage and these are grey cubes!
i think this is a perfect example of what i talked about at the end of my tbz section in my episode four review; this is a good performance, there are good elements at play and good ideas at their genesis, but the core of the issue is that nothing about this is transformative. all of the ideas here are just exaggerations of the original song. fuck, the snake was even IN the mv! and they didn’t even include the best part which is the lip chains! ive said before and i'll say it again; being a good artist has two steps, the first is understanding the material and its context, and the second is elevating the material from that context and synthesizing something new. tbz are really good at the first step, but terrible at the second.
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ranking
btob - the cleanest and the most fun of the round. everything i wanted.
sf9 - fun and a good cover, despite being conceptually baffling.
ateez - very extra dramatic nonsense with an unexpected dose of sincerity. and it’s rock opera, of course i love it.
skz - fun, with some good thematic devices but generally lacking in arc. also australian accents, that’s an automatic ding.
tbz - honestly the first two minutes of the remix and the costume are holding this above 6th. it just wasn’t fully formed.
ikon - aesthetically this is a great set design and although i do love the opening and closing moments, everything else scrapes me the wrong way. super personal preference here, i’m not expecting anyone else to agree with me.
i feel like my rankings were probably pretty easy to guess if you’ve been around reading the reviews for long enough. i do have very specific tastes after all. i know sf9 ranked first in the episode but i have no idea what the other slots are. i’ll find out when i watch the episode in a couple of days, but i think yea a first for sf9 is fair. i do think its mostly because it’s a taemin song and you have to do something horrendous in order to fuck up a taemin song, but there is a lot of thought and work that went into that stage.
ok i'm done now, sorry this was later than usual, but i was busier and there were four stages that i had to review. also technical difficulties because tumblr is a garbage platform and nothing works properly. comments/questions/opinions always welcome, i know i didn't expand on a couple of points that i could have so hopefully y'all have some thoughts too!
* the type of hat that ~society~ has told you is a fedora is actually a trilby. what peniel is wearing is a real fedora, i felt the need to correct this unjust hat malignment.
** meaning ‘the appearance of being true or real.’ you do sometimes hear it used by normal people, but it’s more commonly used as a descriptor in film and theatre. it’s also one of the five rules of neoclassical theatre, which are: versimilitude, purity of form, five act structure, decorum, and purpose. the most prominent playwrights from that era are moliere and racine if youre interested in what those look like in an actual text.
#kingdom#kingdom review#btob#ateez#stray kids#the boyz#sf9#tumblr is so broken it would NOT let me save this as a draft#does my constant hyperlinking make you angry tumblr? too bad im gonna keep doing it#i played in a jazz band in school for seven years#which is another indicator as to why i am like this#one of the first songs i remember learning was zoot suit riot#i have very strong memories of yelling RIOT during performances#i will however forever question the logic of our band teacher making us learn a song written by 'the cherry poppin daddies'#christ on a bicycle this is TEN pages#and it took a full eight hours last night and then i did like two hours of editing after i woke up#maybe i should go back to bed#ah i forgot to tag ikon again lmao#ikon#kpop analysis#text#if there are any spelling errrors do not tell me im tired of reading this#im pretty sure this is my longest review so far i decided to hate myself and did a wordcount#its 5.2K you're welcome you better get a snack for this one#i hope this is an interesting read for people ive lost all objectivity at this point#pls enjoy my semi-comprehensible word vomit!
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i wanna draw some homestucks,, so drop yalls headcanons 🥺
ok im finally gonna answer this . other mods youre 100% free to tack on obviously for I Cannot Fucking Stop You
im gonna try to pack as many solidified physical headcanons in here as i can ? i dont have any for the dancestors yet but like im fuckin. chock full of the humans and the alpha trolls
-mod dave
john is completely greek, and like tan greek. could pass as arab tan greek. for some reason i hc john with like. auburn / chestnut brown hair not straight-up black. idk i vibe with it. hes 5′8 (4′20)
kanaya has jade green bangs. trust me on this. it carried over from my humanstuck headcanon and now troll kanaya just has green bangs. also she has several piercings on each ear (idk how many yet so go nuts) and homegirl ROCKS the hoops
HUMANSTUCK KARKAT FRENCH / LEBANESE VITILIGO POLIOSIS. and hes FIVE FOOT TWO (troll karkat i dont hc with vitiligo cause its supposed to mirror his already existing blood pigment mutation but he still has the poliosis bangs !!)
dave is mostly german and hes albino. and hes 5′9. this is fucking imperative cause this means hes 69 inches tall
i dont draw tavros with a slicked-back mohawk like i should ?? it almost looks like a curly undercut. its a curly undercut. tavros has an undercut now also idc how tall he was with his real legs BITCH he specifically asked for his metal legs to add him up to 5′10. tall tavros rights
hear me out . humanstuck saudi nepeta. blue hijab, scarfs got cat ears on top. i am a genius and i know this. also shes the shortest at a whopping fucking 4′11
UNTAMABLE MASS OF HAIR ARADIA !!! shes fucking ASIAN and shes 5′3!!!!!!!!!! (and im talkin bout troll ardi babey !! shes east alternian!! this is canon!! she has the same genetic disposition as damara WHO IS EAST BEFORAN !! OUR GIRL IS JAPANESE !!!)
im gonna get Yelled At for this one cause ik thats how he was probably supposed to be written but bpleas.......i dont like greasy sollux......let his hair be fluffy..........sollux fluffy hair.............also hes the same height as dave this is not up for debate
CHUBBY ROSE AND JANE CHUBBY ROSE AND JANE CHUBBY ROSE AND JANE also jane has freckles . JANE. HAS. FRECKLES. also rose has dirty blond hair while jane has jet black
any roxy you can think of has a blond-to-pink ombre in their hair. transmasc? transfem? gnc? nonbinary? ftm? mtf? fucking cis? blond-to-pink hombre. this is a universal constant. ALSO ROXY HAS OCULAR ALBINISM. like this is real its literally albinism but like In The Eyes and thats it. they themselves are not albino but their eyes sure are thats why theyre PINK
dirk definitely has the decapitation scar around his neck. i just recently got into this hc and idk why i havent yet. also ik pesterquest IK PESTERQUEST. but . dirk tol. dirk 5′10. and hes got a long nose. goes straight down. its not pointy tho it like rounds out ? idk how to describe it unless i physically Draw Him
terezi is thin and 5′5 and has a round face. humanstuck headcanon is shes chinese / korean and that def carries over into my troll hc gimme east alternian terezi I Beg
idk where in the WORLD i got this hc but humanstuck gamzee is fucking scotch irish for some goddamn reason to me and hes got light brown hair and where his dark facepaint is there are MASSES of freckles. this man is COVERED in them. (and hes probably secretly covered in them troll-ways too bitch damn!)
everybody draws vriskas hair so fucking large and i love that for them but like . idk bitch straight hair down the back is how i go and i like it ? like a fuckin ruler. its just Long
oh feferis got fucking freckles too !!!!!!!!!!!!! but like sparse ones not like. masses like gamzee may or may not have
and eridan is ONE INCH SHORTER THAN SOLLUX THIS PISSES HIM OFF TO NO AVAIL THIS IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU KNOW THIS
i dont have any specific ones for jade or jake or equius, the pesterquest sprites got em fuckin dead on for me. my race hc for the engleys tho is a mix of polynesian (samoan / native hawaiian) and native aussie, both with dark brown hair, and my humanstuck eq is algerian / moroccan if you guys wanted to know B)
#WOO BITCH THIS IS LONG#not a quote#mod dave#long#john egbert#kanaya maryam#karkat vantas#dave strider#tavros nitram#nepeta leijon#aradia megido#sollux captor#rose lalonde#jane crocker#roxy lalonde#dirk strider#terezi pyrope#gamzee makara#vriska serket#feferi peixes#eridan ampora#jade harley#jake english#equius zahhak
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2/3 ‘THEYRE TEACHING HER HOW TO GIVE BLOW JOBS? *starts doing the exercises with his mouth that Em is doing* I AM BEGGING FOR MIKE TO WALK IN NOW!’ ‘Oh Benny is stressed. Wait. Who’s paul?’ ‘BRIAN AND JUSTIN WORKING TOGETHER!! I want more of that! Go make him do another poster or something, that way you can get back together! Justin why are you standing so far away? Sit on his la-EXACTLY STAND CLOSER! ARE THEY GONNA KISS? LOOK AT THEM SMILING! Fucking hell Mike, they were gonna probably kiss and here you go cockblocking again. *pauses on Brian after Justin leaves* oh Brian! My sweet sweet pretty boy. You are so fucking in love and for some reason YOU DONT WANNA SAY IT?! Why is that huh? THAT *flaps his hand at Brian* is a look only a person who is heartbroken and in love can achieve!’ He is once again using Shazam and making his playlist. *flaps his hand at Mikey and Brian getting high* ‘what do I have to do to get something like that with Brian and Justin? Why can’t they lay around and eat and just hang? (mikey mentions paul) ohhh that’s who paul is..was..(i tell him Ben actually did mention paul and who he was)…well in my defense, i don’t usually pay attention when Ben talks’ And Debbie and Carl scene is up: ‘why is he not hugging her? Dude, you just had sex! You gotta cuddle! Provide some safety or something. *his jaw actually dropped* Oh so THAT is how they will piss me off. She did practice! whatever? Whatever?! OH YOU LITTLE SHIT! Who the fuck says that? Even IF SHE GAVE FREE BLOWJOBS TO GO AT THE DINER, YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT TO A PERSON! That’s fucked up bro. That is very very fucked up! Burn his house down debbie! YEAH! GET OUT! AND STAY THE HELL OUT!’ And then he immediately smiled because ‘BRI BRI AND JUSTIN! Plus a bonus? I know damn well it’s because he knows Justin needs money. Who’s Ian? WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?! Oh, Justin for sure is inspired by someone he loves which is why there is a painting of THEM HAVING SEX HANGING ON YOUR WALL!! He’s skipping class? Oh jealousy is a bitch and he is the president of that club. Brian don’t worry, i will personally make sure that he gets run over by a stampede of zebras. Or something’ ‘now why did Lindsay giggle like a school girl with a crush? Usually she’s all “be mature!! Dirty sex talk is weird’ the Ben steroid scene is up ‘so his whole thing is Buddha, working out and cooking.. does he ever do anything fun because this is like asmr for me, im about to fall asleep. Why is he buying vitamins from some random dude? Someone tell him about fruit and veggies’ ‘ohhh i like that coat on Emmett! A nice substitute for the fuck em all coat! OH FUCK YOU CARL. Ohhh that lady also has the coa-oh nevermind i see what they did here’ ‘is that what his friends think is a party? Justin? My boy. You know a party. This ain’t it. They are all so boring, Ben would fit right in. That *waves at Justin* is the look of a person who would rather french kiss a homeless guy than stay at this “party” for another second. YES HE IS AN ARTIST! HA! BRIAN WOULDVE APPRECIATED THAT COMMENT! And he would for sure add to it! But noooo Ethan here is acting like he’s never heard of the word cock.’ ‘OHHHHHH HE MADE AN ACTUAL CARNIVAL! Oh those two are gonna have a stroke seeing this. THAT MAN HAS GOLF BALLS COMING OUT OF HIS ASS *looks at me in shock* is that a real thing? Because if so? XFACTOR! *ethan is back on screen* OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! What did i do to deserve this torture? Oh his friends for sure have a groupchat without him in it. Justin nobody blames you for being tired, this would put an insomniac to sleep! Yes, leave him! Finally a smart decision’ ‘Now why is Carl back on my tv? No you cannot come i- DEBBIE. I SAID NO! HE ASKED LESBIANS FOR A TUTORIAL? Okay maybe there’s some hope for him..BUT DUDE CUDDLE AFTERWARDS!’ ‘Oh fuck you Mel! Fuck you all the way too hell. Not the kind of person you want as the father of YOUR child? And what’s Gus? Chopped liver? FUCK YOU. I am very upset because i like cool chicks in suits but i fear that she is not my cup of tea’
They teach her to give blow jobs... yep. And yes, Carl should cuddle afterwards. And not shame her!
I am so excited for your brother's reaction to Ben's steroid use!
Fandom collection to pay to have Ethan run over by a stampede of zebras. FOR BROTHER ANON!
That coat scene is so amazing. I love that your brother complimented the coat (RIP fuck them all coat) and then they pan to the sex worker wearing it.
Ben would fit right in at Ethan's party. OMG. If only Michael didn't (rightfully) hate Ethan... I would die for a fic where Ben and Ethan meet and hang out. It would cure my insomnia.
His friends for sure have a group chat without him in it. WOW. That is such a specific but clear insult. I'm stealing it.
Not the kind of person you want as the father of YOUR child? And what’s Gus? Chopped liver? FUCK YOU. I am very upset because i like cool chicks in suits but i fear that she is not my cup of tea
I'm just ending on that note because it is everything.
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023
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Nancy Drew 2x7 Thoughts While Watching
SPOILER ALERT!
I’m gonna cut down on how much I actually because I’m starting to find myself not enjoying the show as much. ANYWAY here we go:
Yo what’s up with the intro-
GIRL WHAT MAKES YALL THINK STAYING IN THE MURDER ROOM IS A GOOD IDEA- AND YOURE TAKING THE PHONE WHO TF
DUDE I HATE THE TWO MEAN GIRLS THEYRE SO UGH BITCH JEN IS DEAD. “LeT hEr OuT” SHE’S GONE
Ooh investigator Nancy! Oh, investigator Nancy... organizing files. Yay. Hole punching...
CARSON DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THE AGLACEA OMFG “wait- what?!”
CHRIST ODETTE WTF- George really said be gone thot! Nick is so concerned. AW BESS KNOWS NICKS COFFEE ORDER, BFFS! He knows, HE KNOWS!!
Nancy is like wtf are these girls doing here, how did they find me. She has disappointed big sister energy
The towels omg “it’s a little embarrassing.” Ace is so chill. AMANDA- HES so nervous omg wait. IS NANCY JEALOUS??? There’s no way ace isn’t crushing on Amanda omfg that was so cute he was so nervous awe
Nick and Ryan are hanging!!! Omg no they’re not they are not vibing rn. Ryan actually looking into the fam is lowkey impressive. Nick panicking rn “just trust me a little while longer pls” HIS VPICE THERE WOO
“It’s like downtown abbey” does this imply that ace watches that- ACE BABYSITTING!!! ACE IS BABYSITTING AYE DONT OFFEND MY MAN (lol baby white boy smile) “he watches downtown abbey” sent me
NOT THE NICK/GEORGE ARGUMENT “your eye bags could carry groceries” odette go away ma’am. Your time here is done bye bye
“Gimme a dollar, to engage my services” PSH PLS SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIENDS! Caryan vibez <3 (satire, I ship them as a joke, but they’re co-parenting for sure) (Ryan flipping through his wallet pls) MY MAN CARSON GOING FOR THE FITTYS “btw that’s why my father is so... messed up.” espionage ryan! NO HES SO CONCERNED FOR NANCY OK DADDY RYAN! WAIT THAT CAME OUT WRONG
george is the voice of reason here omg “ghosts can’t be your go to.” YES LOGIC! OH RICH GIRL BESS COME THRU!
Sleuth sisters are my dream crew
Ace is failing at babysitting. “Help me” NICK AND ACE BRO-PARENTING COLLEGE GIRLS OMFG
creepy mini elevator- dumb waiter my bad. My hero girls! Pls the basement is scary. Sleuth sisters! I’m calling them that now. BLOOD
SERIAL KILLER I TOLD YALL I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! A WHITE MAN, NO! (Y’all see what I did there, yk where that’s from) Jk but men are pretty scary sometimes-
GHOST SCAM! Genius dude. lol heyyy Amanda remember that time we saved you??? “A thief not a hacker” I KNKW A HACKER
“You don’t cook pancakes in the oven, who raised you-“ SMOKE ALARM! “ACE pls don’t go, pls” STOP THE BRO-PARENTING FAILURE PLS-
AM I WATCHING THEM FALL IN LOVE RN SPAIN NO S FRICK THATS MY MAN YALL IM CRYING.
THATS GEORGE OMFG WHAT THE FUCK GIRL WHAT oh she’s gonna have to tell them abt odette
George has voodoo powers or something I swear. “You did an exorcism without me?” I LOVE BESS’ GREEN SHIRT ONG ITS SO CUTE. “Odette can you hear us!?”
OH NO NICK IS GONNA GET DR. PHILLED BY COLLEGE GIRLS- worried bf moment awww NICK AND GEORGE ARE SWEET!
“Before you can say jawline” BESS STOP WE DONT LIKE TAMARA OR HIS EXCELLENT JAWLINE! FRENCH ACCENT OK WHAT “no, Bess. That’s odette” sassy Nancy omg. Not the hellhounds- SHES A MURDERER
SMORT NANCY! GPS tracking. A bus station? AW BIG SIS NANCY! aw this poor girl, and Nancy relation y’all me too. pls Nancy sharing her tragic backstory. If we don’t get updates on this girl and Nancy and Jen being friends I’ll be sad.
“you ran back to daddy the first chance you got” NICK OK “some sob story about max the bully” nick pls- RYAN SOB STORY HAS ME SOBBING. No I cannot bond with him he’s a bad guy. BUT HE CARES ABOUT NANCY. NICK AND RYAN DUO IS GOOD!! MORE.
GEORGE CRYING ONG “he wakes up every night screaming. He has nightmares of me dying in his arms” STOP. Bess standing up to odette es my girl bess coming in clutch.
ACE CHECKING ON HIS COMPUTER PATIENT. “The flirting wasn’t a ruse” why did I say ow. Like actually I said ow. I knkw he’s fictional but my brain doesn’t seem to comprehend.
WHAT BESS YOURE MARRIED
SISTER:
“He’s going to his bfs house!” When Ryan ditches nick, she thinks he’s going to ask Carson for help
She almost burned her hand off in the hot air from a bag of popcorn, I can’t with this bish
“Oh is that spider woobs!”
“Y’all gonna die- George already died once like this week too-“
#ace nancy drew#alex saxon#bess marvin#george fan#george fayne#nancy drew#nancy drew cw#ned nickerson#ryan hudson#carson drew
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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t
warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would
id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO
but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)
first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.
the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.
anyway on to lisanardo da vinky
its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.
i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)
oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:
"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"
SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.
this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)
alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway
it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop
we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.
"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"
some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known
so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.
"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."
leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)
so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.
"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."
that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)
and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?
(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)
so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things.
also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.
anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes)
then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.
(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)
in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:
barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?”
skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.”
barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”
skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!
(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)
nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!
so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:
“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”
which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide
and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1
toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.
and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.
i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink
toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!
next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.
this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:
“What about our student loans?”
“Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”
(god if only)
so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.
“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.”
“France?”
“No, he hates France.”
apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.
“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”
and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)
we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.
here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:
King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:
and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:
not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!
the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it
the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one
the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.
moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!”
mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!”
bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”
OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him
el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh
lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad
anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.
“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”
so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:
“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”
this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on
frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.
and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok
interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking
diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON
frida paints her feelings.
this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.
“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”
its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:
rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh
“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…”
“That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”
“B-b-but he’s a communist!”
“Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”
rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.
now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:
"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."
so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.
diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:
this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.
right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc
the end
ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE
#if you read all of this bless you#the imageless gdocs version of this is 8 pages long#hope you...enjoy?!?! these art history fun facts?!?!#dont let me do something like this again but also let me know if i should do something like this again#i was really only motivated to do this because im already passionate about the subject so idk if i could do it otherwise#anyway. this took me all day yesterday because the power kept going out#but im finally done#bye
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top ten worst arthurian takes GO
god how can you limit me to only ten. almost everything everyone says is just so dumb in some way and god the main thing? i wouldnt give a shit i really wouldnt if people didnt constantly act like theyre talking about the REAL legends <3 and then source toafk.
and like. okay! i dont expect people to have read everything. thats fucking impossible. who is going to have read 1000 years worth of literature. but to then either claim superiority cus u like one branch over another or cus you think youre too cool to just.. admit u dont know something? it makes me very angry and i am legally allowed to bully you.
anyways under a cut cus well .... anyways im going to be mean i dont give a shit.
10) this is a catch all one but literally everything to do with lancelot. every single fucking thing. none of you people are normal.
the idea hes some sort of awful parent, the idea hes a “later addition” to the legends (just ... not true?????? the vulgate alone which solidified his existence is ..... 13th century..... thats.... so early in terms of arthuriana......), the general conception he fits into this “bimbo” type archetype (specifically that) in see him being characterized as a slutty and stupid vapid person whos only with guenevere to get closer to arthur, THE IDEA HES EVEN VAGUELY CLOSE TO ARTHUR? thats a huge plot point in a lot of the vulgate lancelot doesnt give a SHIT about arthur, th white, making him into the stereotypical full of himself man, bro its literally all fucking bad. whatever have your own takes on the character but hes . fucking hell just stop talking about lancelot if you cant be normal.
9) th white. i dont care anymore i dont think anyone should be looking at his work anymore it has nothing worthy of any attention. it truly has no value.
8) jesus fuck uhm theres a lot i could say about how the general fandom and books themselves treat women but the treatment of morgause is just abhorrent. she isnt a fucking r*****. lot is literally worse than her in terms of parenting and being a human being yet shes the only one demonized ever. and like. okay! you can write her as an abusive mother and be uncomfortable with how she is written in the text but modern texts making HER the one to initiate the thing w arthur .... usually against his will for some reason. well. fuck you.
also not a huge thing but portraying guenevere as an abuser is rooted in so much misogyny. this is not the place to have a serious discussion about that but just be aware of how u are thinking about characters.
7) everything to do with galahad and mordred LOL not even just galadred but bro they are substanceless characters theyre not that fucking deep.
6) uhhh also everything to do with arthur/guenevere/lancelot <3 the power and age dynamic at play here literally physically makes me sick and also its glorified so heavily i just dont think you people should be allowed to touch these characters. it doesnt even have any hold in text you people just read th white and some other nonsense and were like wow <3 polycules solve all issues <3 and like they do but not this one LOL
5) stop combining elaine of astolat and elaine of corbenic this isnt a complaint this is a fucking PLEA I AM BEGGING you people. aslo please treat elaine of astolat right i love her so so much she means the world to me
4) i think you people are fucking weird around kay. ohhh booohooo the french were meaaan to himmmmmm. okay. stop pointing at the prehistories for reasons kay is actually sooo cool and soooo competent. ohhh hes soooo cool in the welsh texts. thats cool for the welsh texts and doesnt have anything to do with how hes characterized in literally everything else. he doesnt haev to be this competant killing machine to be a really cool character. also hes not. he. hes not thor?
3) here this is a complaint for the original texts but villainizing gawain? cool thats hot. doing that by making him into a sexual abuser? i hate you. i hate you. prose tristan author and the post vulgate author who took it from them im going to litearlly fucking twist your head off your body.
oh here ill tie this back to the general fandom. gawain isnt some fucking “cinnamon roll” being “uwu slandered by the evil dutch texts fans...” gawains a shitty person and thats cool. hes mean and devious and smarmy and uses the image of the perfect knight to get thorugh loopholes. SGATGK isnt the only text in existance. its also not... an “early text” its pretty late. its. its the 14th century thats after lancelot was introduced to the . hes. its late okay.
2) if i have to see one more fucking take that isolde gave tristan the potion knowingly i literally might snap this is a threat. i cant fucking do it where are you people getting this from its jsut so fucking insane and so . wrong ? disgusting ? like i get it no ones read anything tristan and isolde related besides misreading le morte but jesus fucking CHRIST where are you even getting this one why do i have to KEEP seeing it.
1) STOP. making characters cishet. stop it. stop. i fucking see you cishets. STOP thinking the arthurian stories are for you. they arent. shut the fuck up.
anwyays thats all i. this was mean sorry im being mean right now but god <3 you people are fucking insane.
the thing i want to note is hey. its okay to not know things. arthuriana spans a thousand years of texts. if you only like the modern stuff cool good for you i hope you have fun. i do truly hope my friends and i are starting to create a space that people are comfortable admitting you dont know something or to ask questions or just simply not want to know. like thats cool and fine of you! do that!
just stop fucking making weird arthurian takes and making me look at them. thank u.
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