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benscaligraphyset · 4 years

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Chapter Four

(A/N: I am once again apologizing for the late update. This chapter is a bit long in my defense but it also takes me a while to fine tune things and then I get more ideas and then I want to add more blah blah you guys don’t care but I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Please reblog if you do so I can get more engagement! I love reading your guys’s comments as well <3 I also decided to do something a little different and not use a gif of Ben but instead something that relates to the chapter? Let me know what you guys think!)

Warnings: Drug use

You knew that Luke would be pestering you soon to get up, so, reluctantly, you threw the blanket off your body and left your warm bed to go find your robes for the day. It was a somewhat chilly day so you decided to wear one of your heavier sets of robes, a grey one that Leia had gifted you, and you quickly reached out to the Force and brought your saber to your awaiting hand. You looked in the mirror, planning to give yourself a good once over before going to see Ben, but anxiety pooled in your stomach at the thought of what he would think of your appearance. Would he think the robes were ugly? Would he hate your two messy buns that were very clearly not brushed through? What would he think of the dark circles under your eyes?

You sat in front of the mirror for a good minute before groaning and forcing yourself to turn away. You could fixate all day if you let yourself and you weren’t even sure what you were so worried about. Ben was your best friend and you’ve never worried about how he thought you looked before—not since a long time ago, anyway—so what was the issue now?

You threw open the flap to your hut and were greeted by the bright sun, causing you to instantly squint your eyes as you attempted to see what everyone was doing. Voe and Tai were practicing forms nearby, the former actually giving a rare smile, and Jannik was reading a book in the grass a little bit past them. Everyone else was either in the cafeteria or still mustering the strength to get up and start the day. A whistle in the distance brought your attention to your left and you saw Ben waving at you in the field a few yards away.

You giggled and thought briefly that he looked adorable huddled in his colder weather robes.

“I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up,” Ben said once you made your way over.

You rolled your eyes. “Not all of us woke up to sneak out of someone else’s hut at the crack of dawn.”

“Would you rather I stayed?” He teased and handed you a wrapped biscuit.

You cleared your throat and took the biscuit from him. “Even if I did, you know how Master Luke would’ve reacted.”

“I was kidding,” he said, giving you an odd look. You swallowed nervously and suddenly found the sight of your biscuit very interesting. That familiar anxiety found residence in your chest again.

“Yeah, uh, I know. I was just saying,” you replied lamely and prayed that he would just look away from you. He quickly did, not a fan of social awkwardness himself.

“So, are you ready for me to kick your ass tomorrow?” he asked, thankfully changing the subject.

You snorted. “Big talk for a man who’s lost to me the last two times we sparred.”

“Not this time, honey.”

Your cheeks flamed at the nickname and you could only chuckle nervously as you unwrapped your biscuit.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” you mumbled and he grinned.

“That’s exactly why I do it, honey.”

He was so infuriating sometimes.

“Whatever. If it makes you feel like a big man to patronize me—“

“You’re so dramatic, Y/N.”

“Oh, coming from you, the most dramatic man alive?”

“Me? Dramatic?” he asked incredulously, bringing a hand to his chest in offense. You couldn’t help but note how much he looked like his father.

“Mhm,” you hummed, taking a bite out of your biscuit with a grin.

Ben chuckled softly. “I don’t know where you get your delusions.”

You both made the trek over to the nearby lake that you had made a habit of going to every morning. It was just a nice and peaceful way to start the day as you watched the waterfowl feed their young and splash around.

The local flora kissed your ankles as you drew closer to the lake. The yard wasn’t tended to this far away from the temple so the grass was allowed to grow free and tall. You actually like it better grown out; it being allowed to grow freely with no influence from anyone else, namely the Jedi. Though, maybe you were just projecting.

There was a lone bench on the side of the lake that you and Ben had silently claimed for your own. It was a bit rotted and discolored, but it supported both your weights and that’s all you really needed. The lake was in a dip in the field and the tall edges blocked out any evidence of the temple even being here and it was relaxing to just forget about all of it, if only for an hour.

You giggled in delight as one of the birds waddled over to you, eager for what you had to offer. The tri-colored bird honked impatiently as you riffled through your pockets.

“Alright, alright,” you laughed and finally retrieved the seeds. “Here you go.”

The bird chirped happily as it pecked at the seeds that you threw to the ground, bringing the attention of the other birds. Suddenly, they were all waddling towards you with hungry eyes

Ben laughed. “They’re gonna swarm you.”

Panicking, you tossed the seeds far to the left and, luckily, they went for the seeds instead of your toes. You sighed in relief and looked back at the original bird, continuing to peck away happily as if nothing had happened.

You both ate your breakfast in silence, enjoying the beautiful lake before you. A fish jumped in the distance, followed by a few more, before the water went calm again. You wondered if they were escaping a predator below the murky depths.

“Do you have any more seeds?” Ben broke the silence.

“Uh, yeah,” you answered, fishing in your pocket for the remaining seeds. Ben took them and went in the direction of the pecking birds, but ignored them for a scrawny bird on the outskirts of the swarm. It kept trying to get some of the seeds but was continuously pecked and squawked at, unable to get any. You figured the feathers out of place all over it’s body was from other birds pecking at it.

Squatting in front of it, he offered his hand full of seeds for the neglected bird and it cautiously approached him. It looked up at Ben’s face and you watch as he gave it a comforting smile, letting the bird know it was okay to trust him.

Your cheeks rose in temperature and you had to look away to stop the butterflies that were beginning to swarm in your belly. He was just so good and it made you want to do things to him that a good Jedi wouldn’t. Besides the obvious images that run through your head whenever Ben stretched up and his shirt slipped up just enough for you to see his sharp hip bones or when his pants were just a little too tight, you also struggled with ideas of you laying together late at night, holding each other in the middle of the night like it was the easiest thing in the world. It was almost overwhelming at times how much you wanted to hug him, how much you wanted to just hold him and be held by him for the rest of your life, and how much, honestly, you wanted to kiss him until he felt no more pain. But, you can’t do that when you’re trying to be a good Jedi, not that you have much of a choice.

You waited until Ben came back over the bench to turn your gaze away from the lake and back at your friend. That’s all he was after all: a friend.

A friend, a friend, a friend....

He smiled at you before throwing an arm around you and sighing. “I wish we could just sit here all day and not go to training.”

You planted a grin on your face and leaned on his shoulder. “Me too.”

You tried to ignore the butterflies that flurried at his words.

“Thank you...for last night, I mean,” you said after a minute, eyes cast down at the bird below you. It was weird to thank your best friend for spending the night with you with you were both over twenty.

“It’s no problem,” Ben replied as casually as he could manage, but you could tell he felt the awkwardness as well.

You were both silent for a minute, each chewing on your respective biscuits, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“I—I’m sorry,” you blurted. “I made things weird, bringing it up. I shouldn’t have—“

“It’s fine, Y/N,” he interrupted and you clamped your mouth shut. You internally smacked yourself as you somehow managed to make things worse.

“It was a one-time thing,” he continued and took another bite. “No big deal.”

Your heart sunk in your chest and you quickly put the walls up in your mind so he couldn’t see inside. You don’t know why the prospect of it never happening again filled you with such sorrow, but it did, and you realized all you wanted was for it to happen every night. Maybe it was just because this was the first night in a while that you were actually able to sleep soundly through the night.

“Yeah,” you said with a clearly forced laugh. “A one time thing.”

Ben gave you a strange look and looked ready to question you until a saving grace in the form of Jannik appeared.

“Hey! What are you guys doing?” Jannik yelled across the lake and began striding towards your place on the bench.

Ben pulled his arm away from around your shoulder and settled for crossing them across his chest, causing you to frown at the loss of warmth. He was clearly irritated by their new visitor, and while you were grateful your awkward conversation had been interrupted, you too shared these sentiments as you enjoyed these mornings with Ben.

“Just feeding the birds,” you answered, plastering a smile on your face when Jannik arrived.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” He asked cheekily, pointing between the two of you. Both of you shifted to put some distance between each other.

“No, Jannik,” you sighed, no longer grateful for your intruder. Now, you just wanted to go back to you and Ben’s relaxing morning, awkward question or no.

“Great!” he interrupted and went to sit between the two of you and you felt Ben’s anger flare before feeling his walls go up and your frown returned with a vengeance.

“I love nature,” Jannik sighed, throwing his arms over the backrest of the bench.

You and Ben sighed in union. The ambiance of this beautiful morning had been shattered and now you were both sitting in strained silence until you found a way out of this.

You couldn’t help your startled jump when Ben suddenly got to his feet. His face was scrunched up in discomfort and you could see the tips of his ears that were poking out of his scruffy hair were tinged red.

“There’s a book I needed to find,” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “I, uh, have to go.”

“Ben!” you attempted to call after him but he was already scurrying off towards the library.

You glowered at the remaining man. “Real nice, Jannik,” you snapped, standing and snatching up your biscuit trash.

“Hey, what did I do now?”

“I get one hour, one hour, every morning where Ben and I can relax by the lake and it’s just us and he’s open with me and you just cut it short by—“ You checked your watch. ”—twenty minutes.”

“I’m s—“

“And, you know, he’s the only one here who really understands me here. I mean, you and Hellixia try your best but you’ll never—“

“Okay, hurtful.”

“Sorry if that was harsh, I just—“

“No, I’m sorry,” he started and grabbed your arm. You turned your gaze of discontent into him. “I didn’t realize how important these mornings were for you.”

“Well they are,” you snapped, pulling your arm away, and still feeling the anger hot in your belly.

“I’m sorry, let me make it up to you.”

You scoffed. “Oh, yeah? How?”

“We’re gonna go smoke some Savorium herb tonight,” Jannik practically sung.

Your face instantly perked up. “Really?”

“See.” He elbowed you in the rib lightly. “I told you I could make it up to you.”

You stubbornly crossed your arms across your chest. “I didn’t say I wasn’t still mad at you.”

“It was implied,” he replied with a toothy grin. “I’m assuming you’re bringing Ben?”

He pumped his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, that thing about still being mad at you—“

“I’m just asking a simple question.”

“Obviously, I’m bringing Ben,” you replied with a shove. “But, that doesn’t mean anything, we’re just friends...best friends.”

You hated how small and melancholiac your voice sounded at the last addition.

Jannik’s face suddenly turned serious, his signature goofy grin now gone. “You know I’m just trying to look out for you, right?”

His green eyes were sincere and you had to look away from his intense gaze. No matter how hard Luke and your former master had tried, it was still hard for you to accept that people actually cared and that their help was genuine.

“I—I know,” you muttered, kicking a bit at the grass below you.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

That statement hit harder than he probably intended it to. The biggest reason, besides the Jedi rules, you were hesitant to admit your feelings to yourself and Ben was the thought of soul-crushing rejection, and even worse, if he feels the same way, and you both end up damaging each other beyond repair and lose each other forever. You don’t think you could survive losing Ben again. It took you long enough to to put yourself back together the first time.

Besides, you weren’t even sure what these feelings were.

“I’ll be fine,” you said, throwing on a reassuring, tight-lipped smile. “But, thank you, Jannik”

Jannik just shook his head with a scoff, looking to the sky almost in disbelief. “Whatever you say, L/N”

He began to walk back towards the direction of the temple. “We’re meeting in the clearing at ten!”

Ten. One hour after lights out.

Today was mostly private training with Luke, so you didn’t get a chance to see Ben until right before dinner.

Of course, you found him in the library looking for more calligraphy books, his eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to locate a certain book.

“A bunch of us are getting together to smoke some Savorium herb at ten if you want to come.”

“No thanks,” he replied immediately.

“Come on, Ben. It’ll be fun!” you sang.

Ben snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure being around our obnoxious classmates while they’re high out of their minds will be fun.”

“But, we’ll also be high out of our minds. Trust me it’s good stuff.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “How would you know?”

“I’m not a prude, Ben. I’ve tried it a few times over the years.”

Ben huffed and turned back to the bookshelf, continuing to scan the rows.

“Please come,” you pleaded, flashing him your best Loth-cat eyes. He didn’t even have to look to know what you were doing and he threw his head back in a groan.

“Fine, but if my night is ruined I’m blaming you,” he said and pointed a finger at you.

“Fair enough,” you said, raising your hands in surrender with a grin.

He rolled his eyes and turned back to the shelf, finally finding the book he needed and pulling it from the shelf.

He put the book under his arm and gave you a half-hearted glare. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“Oh, sorry, I want my best friend to be carefree for a night.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see if this drug can actually make me ‘carefree’. I’ll believe it when I feel it.”

The temperature had been steadily increasing throughout the day, leading to a warm night that reminded you of Naboo summer nights.

At a little past ten, Ben showed up at your hut and quietly knocked outside of it. You instantly peeled back the tarp and noticed he looked a bit taken aback by your appearance.

You had forsaken your typical Jedi robes for a sleeveless shirt and tight black leggings. You suppose it clung to your body a bit more than he’d be used to, but didn’t think it was worthy of the look his was giving you.

“What?” you asked with a awkward giggle. Ben shook his head and brought his head back up to meet his gaze with yours.

“Nothing,” he said, clearing his throat nervously, throwing on a mask of casualness. “I just can’t wait for this night to be over with.”

You rolled your eyes. “If you go into it with that attitude then you are going to have a bad time.”

“Ah, yes, you and the ‘power of positive thinking’.”

“Yes, and it works! You just refuse to try it.”

You didn’t have to look to know that he was rolling his eyes.

“You just sound like my uncle.”

You flinched a little at that. You hated when he compared you to Luke as that’s all people have been doing your whole life, especially here at the Jedi temple.

“Maybe a little. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong,” you ended up mumbling.

As you walked in mostly silence the rest of the way to the clearing, you couldn’t stop thinking about the look Ben had given you. It wasn’t the look itself that was really bothering you as much as it was the fact that you liked it, you liked it a lot and you couldn’t get it out of your head. The warmth in your cheeks had yet to fade and it felt as if the butterflies in your belly were trying to escape through your abdomen.

At last, you reached the clearing in the woods and found Jannik beginning to roll the leaves into some sort of rolling paper on a log bench. There were a few log bunches circled around the campfire in the center and Voe and Helixia were sitting on the one across from Jannik, the latter rambling excitedly about something while Voe looking on in disinterest.

“Y/N, Ben, you made it!” Jannik exclaimed excitedly, getting the attention of Helixia, much to Voe’s relief. She squealed in excitement and rushed over to the two of you. You both tried to hide your cringe at the sound.

“Hey, Helixia,” you greeted with a smile and her smile brightened even more.

“You wouldn’t think that the Master’s nephew and protégé would make good party guests! But, I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover.”

You thought you heard Voe mumble something that sounded like, “We’ll see.”

Ben must’ve heard it too because he tensed next to you and you looked down to see his fists were clenched at his sides.

“Come on,” you said, pulling his arm to go over to Jannik and away from Voe’s comments. Helixia followed behind happily, oblivious to what had just happened. Perhaps she had already took a few hits, or perhaps that really was just Helixia’s nature, to not notice those things. You wondered for a moment if you’d be better off with that trait.

“Just ignore her,” you said.

“It’s just everything she says seems like it’s meant to infuriate me.”

You scoffed. “It’s Voe, it’s what she does.”

A few more people came, surprisingly, including Tai, and soon everyone was sitting on the log benches discussing miscellaneous things amongst different groups.

“Alright,” Jannik announced, standing on of the benches, “who here has smoked before?”

A majority of classmates raised their hands, save for Ben and Tai, no surprises there. You couldn’t see in the lowlight, but you just knew the tips of Ben’s ears were pink.

You reflexively placed a hand on his thigh to try and relax him. There was nothing wrong with this, in fact it’s what you would do to most friends to help them relax, but when Ben leapt at the touch you started overthinking the gesture. You jerked away as if you’d been burnt, awkwardly crossing your arms across your chest and trying to ignore Ben’s eyes boring into your skull.

Why were things so different with Ben? Why was it that a gesture as simple as touching his thigh sent a tingle up your arm from when you’d made contact? Why were you feeling things Jedi were not meant to feel?

“Okay, okay, so we have some newbies. How about I let you guys take the first hit?”

“Jannik,” you warned.

“What?” he asked in innocence.

“Don’t make him do it in front of everyone.”

“Why? It’s practically a right of passage to have everyone watch.”

“It’s not, it sucks and he doesn’t want to that.”

“Why don’t you ask him what he wants to do?” Someone piped up in the crowd, looking overly interested. Everyone wanted to see the Great Ben Solo explode into a fit of coughs and smoke and you weren’t having it.

“You just want to embarrass him—“

“Maybe you should stop being an over protective girlfriend—“

“Excuse me?”

“Enough,” Ben’s voice boomed and everyone instantly got quiet. “I’ll do it, I don’t care.”

“Ben—“

“I’m not a child,” he snapped at you.

You shrunk away from him. “Alright.”

You knew he’d only snapped at you out of embarrassment, but the hurt still resided in your chest.

You couldn’t wait to be high.

Jannik handed him the rolled leaf and Ben took it hesitantly. If you didn’t already know this was his first time, the way he held it would’ve given it away. He held it delicately as if it might break under this fingers and turned it experimentally in his hand, giving it a good once over.

You watched cautiously as he brought the smoking object to his lips. It did something strange to you, watching the way his lips wrapped around it, and you had to shake your head of the thoughts that began forming.

He breathed in the smoke deeply, before having to pull it out of his mouth as coughs full of smoke started coming out of him. A chorus of laughter rang out around the circle as you patted his back while he wheezed.

Surprisingly, he didn’t seem uncomfortable with everyone laughing at him, and he actually began laughing with them. After the initial shock, you grinned at him and laughed along. You’d forgotten how fast this drug kicked in.

After all taking a few good hits, some only needing one to take effect, you were all very relaxed around the campfire.

“You know,” Ben started, eyes nearly a sliver, “maybe my problem is that I’m not always smoking this.”

He held up the joint for reference and then took another deep drag with a bit of coughing but nothing compared to the first hit.

You giggled. “I agree, but,” you said, taking the joint from him, “I think you’ve had enough.”

Ben attempted to reach for it back but got distracted by something in the air and quickly forgot what he was doing, instead now fascinated by an ember floating by.

You giggled at him and took one last drag before passing it off to the next person.

It’s like the dark cloud that normally loomed over Ben had finally lifted and he could finally just be, at least for the moment.

“It makes everything so much better,” Ben mused and you giggled softly. “Colors are brighter, everything is more beautiful...”

Drifting off, his eyes focused on you now. The look he was giving you would’ve made your knees weak if it weren’t for you already sitting down. It was such an intense gaze and no matter how badly you wanted to look away, you couldn’t.

You were surprised to feel that his walls were completely down for you and you were free to explore his mind. But, you were too scared to, too scared at what you would find and how it would make you feel.

“W-what?” you asked, cursing yourself for sounding so meek.

Reaching up, Ben pushed a strand of hair out of your face and you shivered under his touch. Everything else faded away into static and it was just the two of you, alone in the galaxy.

His eyes briefly flickered down to your lips and you gasped sharply as your chest flushed.

He was looking at you as if you put the stars themselves in the sky and if you could see your face, you knew it would look terrified, terrified that you felt the same way about him.

The moment was shattered by Helixia’s shrill giggling on the other side of the fire and you both ripped your gaze away from each other.

Ben shook his head of his thoughts and suddenly found the fire very fascinating.

“H-hey, give me another hit,” you said shortly after recovering. Bactar handed it to you instantly, most likely seeing the shaken look on your face and knowing you really needed it.

You took a deep drag of the sour tasting herb, wanting nothing more than to not have to think of feelings or Jedi or your future. You just wanted to be numb.

You started to feel the familiar floating sensation of the drug and you heard Bactar say something from what sounded like far away, but when you opened your eyes, you realized he had moved to sit right next to you.

“How you feeling, Ben?” Bactar leaned around you to ask.

It looked like Ben wanted to answer, but the thought got lost before it could make it to his mouth and he instead closed his eyes with a content chuckle.

“I think we’ve converted him,” you giggled.

“Yes, come to the dark side, Ben,” Bactar taunted, “we have cookies.”

You would’ve criticized him for the phrasing if your mouth didn’t instantly water at the plastic case of assorted cookies that he presented.

“Bactar, I think I love you,” you blurted out and leaned forward to grab two—okay, maybe four—cookies.

He guffawed. “Don’t let Ben hear you say that.”

“Hm?” Ben questioned, mouth already full of cookie.

You moaned boisterously into the first bite of cookie. “This is the best cookie ever made!” You exclaimed, fully confident and with a full mouth.

Laughter broke out around you, including Ben’s, and he nearly choked on the cookie that had grabbed and instantly shoved in his mouth.

You’re sure something did happen between the cookies and the next moment when Ben’s head was in your lap, but you couldn’t quite remember it. All you knew is you were stroking the softest hair in the galaxy and Ben was leaning into it.

“What do you use on your hair, Ben? It’s so kriffing soft,” you exclaimed, pulling on his hair slightly to have a closer look.

Jannik leaned in, interest peaked. “I’ve been wondering the same thing for months now.”

Ben began laughing—practically giggling—from his spot on your lap. “People have been asking for years and I’ve never told them.”

“But, why?”

“Because—“ He broke off to laugh some more and you lightly jolted your leg to shove into him.

“Because what?” you pressed.

“Because...well, it’s kind of embarrassing...I don’t want anyone to have my secret to great hair.”

Your mouth fell open and you stared down at him. “Ben, that’s ridiculous.”

“I know, that’s why it’s so f-funny!” His shoulders shook uncontrollably with his roaring laughter and he nearly fell off of your lap.

“Alright,” you said with a giggle, “As fun as this has been—“ You broke off as you had to prevent him from tumbling to the ground. “—we’re gonna go to bed.”

“Oh, come on,” Bactar insisted. “Stay a little longer.”

You gave him a look that told him there was no chance and pulled Ben up, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“Um, you guys might not, but Ben and I have a sparring match tomorrow and we need to actually sleep. Besides, someone needs to take him to his hut before he embarrasses himself any further.”

“But, we love this Ben! And he still hasn’t told us his hair secret!” Jannik called after you.

You ignored the rest of your classmates as they joined in with objections and threw up a wave when you began to walk away from the clearing with bringing your shoulder down a whole foot.

Ben attempted a wave as well, but it was more of a dismissing gesture than anything.

“Yeah, I think you took one hit too many,” you quipped. You were still feeling the effects of the herb, though certainly not to the extent that Ben was, but the effects where now coming in waves and at the moment you were feeling pretty okay. You were in no position to be flying a starfighter, but you had enough confidence to get you both back to each other’s respective huts without a problem.

The two of you finally reached the huts as soon as a wave of the herb’s euphoria hit you hard and suddenly you needed to lean on Ben for support instead of the other way around. Luckily, he was able to support you and you felt the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled next to you.

Smiling, you nuzzled closer to him. His chest was always so warm and smelt like him. It felt like home.

He led you over to your hut and set you down on your bed. You nearly thought he’d taken you to a luxury hotel, because this was the best bed you had ever had the pleasure of laying in.

“This is literally the most comfortable bed in the galaxy,” you sighed, spreading yourself around the sheets in relaxation.

You heard Ben snort and then you felt the bed dip next to you and you were surprised to see him getting under the covers, shirt already off.

“W-what are you doing?” you slurred, heart beginning to pick up speed.

Ben ignored you. “You’re right, this is the most comfortable bed in the world.”

“Ben,” you insisted, even inebriated you knew this was not a good idea.

He shrugged and waved you off. “I don’t feel like walking all the way to my hut, so we might as well.”

You debated with yourself. He was obviously only agreeing to this because of his intoxication and what kind of friend would you be to take advantage of that? Then again, you were also intoxicated and the thought of being in Ben’s warm arms filled you with a warmth you couldn’t deny yourself. You decided to just let the pieces fall where they may and let whatever the Force had in store for you to work itself out.

But, you were keeping on your clothes.

You looked back over at him to see he was already gazing at you with a lazy grin on his face.

“What?” you asked with a giggle.

“If you would’ve told fourteen year old me that eight years from then I would be sharing a bed with Y/N, I would’ve said you were crazy.”

You giggled loudly as your cheeks flared. “Same here.”

If you weren’t under the influence, this conversation would’ve caused your heart to sink all the way to your stomach and you’d probably have to leave to tent before your cheeks became fiery warm. But now, with both of you being guided into a state of euphoria with Savorium herb, you couldn’t be happier with the current topic. After all, you had the freedom to say all the things you couldn’t when you were sober, right?

You really knew you shouldn’t, but you herb infused mind had different ideas and you opened your mouth to speak.

“Hey, Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember when your mom took us to Naboo?” you slurred, prying your eyes open with immense effort.

Why were you bringing this up? You should not be bringing this up. But, your mouth didn’t get the message to stop, so you kept going.

Ben stayed silent for a moment, staring at the ceiling.

“Ben?”

He finally seemed to come back to his senses. “Uh, yeah, I remember.”

“And we snuck off to the lake to avoid that boring dinner.”

“Mhm,” he agreed, closing his eyes with a smile.

“The waves were so pretty that night...we were so happy...I wish every night could be like that...”

You let your eyes close as your mind went back to that day; you could almost taste...

“Me too,” you heard him say from what sounded like terribly far way.

You were too intoxicated to grasp what he was really saying to you and you felt your consciousness slipping by the second. The last thing you felt was Ben’s beautiful presence glowing next to you and you wanted to call out but the thick blanket of sleep was too all consuming.

Your dreams were about Naboo waters and fumbling hands. A secret kiss that you swore to never talk about and a few more kisses just because the temptation was too much after having had a taste.

(A/N: Please reblog and let me know what you guys thought of the chapter!)

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loyal-royal-panda · 7 years

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A shy kiss Po and Tigress

@lightningwolfomega

Tigress made her way though the palace barracks. Everyone was away, and she and Po had pulled the short straws for watching the Jade Palace while master Shifu and the rest of the five played arbitrators and peace keepers for two feuding family’s over land disputes. And since Po was off trying to meditate at the Dragon Grotto, she was on her lonesome. So she decided to be a bit mischievous and peruse though her friends belonging.

Monkey’s room was spartan and a tad plain. She surmised it had to be his love of hiding his belongings out of sight were he could meditate, secure in their safety from prying eyes. Po was still having trouble finding his almond cookies after he moved their hiding spot for the third time.

Cranes room was filled with walls covered in his beautiful calligraphy. Words and symbols conveying perfect meaning and definition. He had tutored all of them at one point or other. Po was his newest project. His once sloppy but legible writing was now starting to rival Cranes own brush work.

Mantis’s room could be considered a full scale model of the training hall. And even more fit on the table in the center that contained his whole living space. Small scrolls on the basic physiology of all morphological builds of the species that lived across China. With four or five comparably large ones donated by the Pandas. Mantis was ecstatic to finally have scrolls that helped him on a pandas heath needs instead of drawing on, and potentially ruining, perfectly good scrolls just to accommodate one panda.

Vipers room was perfectly clean and filled with everything that had even a remote relation to her. Her dancing ribbons. Pictures of her family. Dry, but well preserved flowers from her mother. And a letter Po sent her asking about when Mei Mei was going to need his support for her performance for the valley. The reply in short said, no. Mei Mei was fine and just needed practice in rehearsal.

Finally she came upon Po’s room. Which could be described as a well organized mess. The wall lined with posters of Kung-fu masters present and past. More then a few of the Furious Five, obviously featuring her. In fact they made up the majority of the posters. And on his desk were his hand carved wooden figures. All of the five, save her, in a battle ready Kung-fu pose. Her figure was in a relaxed tai-chi pose. She suddenly found herself realizing the special treatment she was receiving from Po. He made no secret that she was his favorite in his days before knowing the five more personally.

Then their was the revelation that she was his first experience with Kung-fu, the day he saw her take down the villain Boar. She was his idol from day one. She was his first crush. So of course he would be awkward around her. If you just straight up told your hero upfront that they were the object of your desire it would cause major problems. But Po handled it pretty well, dropping it on her sooner rather then later that he harbored feelings for her that, in his own words, “Id soon grow out of.” She had to wonder how much of it he actually grew out of. He always seemed…enthusiastic to be around her.

Well she had to have feeling about him too. Seeing that he had become something she had desired. The Dragon Warrior. And he was the only other animal her size in the whole valley. She had to guess that her being the same to him was a factor of his infatuation. They were both giants in a place filled with, and built for animals smaller then the two of them. She once believed that she was the largest living thing in the valley. Meeting Po changed that. He was taller, and wider.

Fine by her though. He was as soft as he was big. And Po loved hugs. She never realized how touch deprived she was before she learned to accept that Po was a very physical animal. Once again she had to realize that being as big as he was at a young age must have kept him from being able to play rough. She was lucky. Her adoption into the palace gave her a place to cut loose. Po? He must have lived his whole life being careful with his strength. It showed with his claws. He chewed them down into blunt stubs. Normal panda claws were as deadly as tigers. And non-retractable to boot.

Her eyes fell upon a book on his desk. She opened it. Inside were…admirably well drawn sketches of her, the five, Shifu, Mr Ping, the villains they faced, and himself. All of it well inked with flowing lines and curves and the dates in small symbols next to each doodle.. The style was simplistic, yet also carried weight. The dynamic poses. The addition of plants like reeds and bamboo shoots at their feet. All of it made the contents from cooking and dancing to relaxation and fighting stand out.

She flipped back to the pages of the book. She wanted to see what Po drew before he lived with them. The drawings were slightly more amateurish. But still well done for what must have been his growing skill. But she began to notice a running theme. Some of the painting were colored. Reds and whites and vertical black streaks dominated everyone of them. Like a snowy forest bathed in a sunset or fire.

And she saw it. In everyone of them. A great white smear, like a formless monster, dotted with red eyes. Accompanied by smaller shadows with similar red eyes.

On the days following his defeat of Tai-Lung and his moving into the Jade Palace. When Po began sleeping in the barracks after moving, she often noticed at some nights he would wake up suddenly, get up to sketch, then eat. Not the hungry eating that she saw everyday. The upset eating every time Po felt distressed.

She then heard the wood floor creaking under the weight of a three hundred pound bear.

“You know if you wanted to look you just had to ask.” Po said. His unoffended expression said he was just a bit annoyed with her breaking into his privacy. And more then greatly amused that she could even be doing what she was doing.

She was once again hit by how much older they had become after their last great victory. Her fur on her cheeks were just a bit droopy and longer. It had been a while since Viper took her out for “Girl time.” And the white fur of Po’s chin was starting to sport the beginnings of a longer beard. So he must have neglected or ignored his grooming rituals.

Tigress spoke. “So, Dragon Warrior, how did you know about my…snooping.” Po walked over next to her. “Oh it’s just my super awesome Enlightened superpower of knowing when someone is in my room messing with my stuff.”

Tigress wore a puzzled but equally amused expression. “Also, Zeng saw you and told me after my meditation. That little snitch needs a hobby.” Tigress chuffed a laugh. “You are the grand master of the palace. Should you not be informed of what happens in your Dominion?” Po smiled broadened. “If it means I get to catch snooping tigers then I guess so.”

He looked past her to the open page of his sketchbook. “Oh look at that! You found my little collection of bad dreams!” Now was the time to ask. “How long had you’ve had dreams about him?” Po’s expression grew somber. “Since I was a little cub. I couldn’t understand any of it. My dad never let me sleep alone until I got myself under control. Its kinda hard to be a kid if your dreading going to sleep.” He sighed “I don’t think ill ever be OK with what happened that night.”

She halted. “What about your inner peace?” Po smiled. She had just walked herself into another moment of Po being unexpectedly profound. “Inner peace isn’t a lifetime deal Ti. You have to constantly reevaluate yourself, your state of mind. Becoming enlightened or having an epiphany doesn’t mean all your inner strife is magically solved. It means that you understand why you are the way you are.”

Tigress absorbed her master’s wisdom. Digesting every word. “Your right Po. It is strange to hear you becoming the next Oogway.” Po laughed. “Well at least I’m not becoming Shifu. I don’t think I can act like I’m constantly about to kick someone down the stairs.” She blew a stifled laugh through her nose. “There is only room for one Shifu. And a second might tear a hole in space and time.”

Po smiled and sighed “You know it’s you saying stuff like that that makes it hard to get over my crush for you.”

Tigress considered her thoughts. “Well Po…you becoming wiser and more mature has…showed me how I might find someone like…you…worthy of my attention.” Po was paused. And then he was unpaused. “Are you saying that you consider me, attractive?”

“In small doses.” He smiled a smile that became dangerously coquettish. “What about me do you find attractive?”

“your heart mostly. You know how to speak to people. Even if they wont listen. In body, id say your belly. Its your best feature.”

“No kidding that’s what pandas love best!” He looked her directly in the eyes. “But you still have reservations…on me as a partner.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship Po. But I can…attempt to…sample what its like. But even if it fails. We’ll still be friend?”

“Yeah Ti. We’ll always be friends.”

She moved over towards him, slowly. She had never done this before and was more than a little nervous. And gave him a kiss on his cheek.

The smile plastered on his face spoke volumes “So just to be sure, you’re not just looking to be the one who deflowered the Dragon warrior right?”

“Don’t make it weird.”

#tigress #po x tigress #po #kung fu panda #fan art #kfp fanfic #kfp tipo #lord shen

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