#like perspective and genre and deciding a thing is Not For You are VERY NECESSARY when engaging in fandom

[yongility]

NEO TV # ROCKABYE (taeyong x reader) 2/?.

genre: single dad au, ceo au, fluff, slightly angst, smut.

warnings: adult language, death mentions, idk there's not a lot of warning for this one.

word count: 7k (not proofread!!!)

a/n: if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

When Taeyong was growing up, he always carried with him the memory of the wonderful family he had, a small yet at the same time, great family. He, his mother, and his father didn't need anyone else. They were always the three of them, and it was more than enough. Sure, his family wasn't always conventional, and there were obviously mistakes here and there, but that would never mean that Taeyong wouldn't be grateful for the life and love his parents provided him.

Taeyong was always a starry-eyed boy. Passionate about everything that interested him. As a child, he went through countless phases trying to discover what he wanted for his future... Would he be the same man as his father? Or would he choose another profession? Would he be a stay-at-home dad and dedicate himself to his family?

Like the hyperactive child he was... he never knew for sure, and if there was an exact word to describe Lee Taeyong, it would surely be unpredictable.

Unpredictable because no one had the slightest idea what the boy's next step would be. Unpredictable because Taeyong changed his opinions every half an hour unless he felt one hundred percent sure about what he was doing. That was Lee Taeyong, that's how his family and friends knew him, and that's how he was formed.

Nevertheless, the boy matured at a fast pace. Without necessarily feeling it present, the pressure regarding his father's company position was looming closer and closer, not explicitly, but it wasn't necessary to be so to know what would become of him once he graduated from university. He could always hear what others said about him: 'Oh, Mrs. Lee's son is a true gentleman, surely his parents will be proud of him' ... 'Will he really take over the Lee company? He's nothing more than a spoiled child who always had everything handed to him on a silver platter.'

There were always different opinions and criticisms from different perspectives. Yes, Taeyong knew he wasn't perfect, he was more than aware of it. Taeyong was human, he had made mistakes, stumbled along the way, but he always tried to put one foot forward and rise from every stumble he had encountered.

He wasn't a relationship guy. He was sure of that. Of course, he had had some teenage romances in his high school days. He had been on a few dates during college, and yes, he had had at least one relationship that had lasted at least a year.

Although this last one was more about social pressure than simply enjoying the company of the girl who was his girlfriend at his twenty-three years. He would never blame Joy and would never speak bad about her; in the end, Joy had been someone with whom he had spent part of his growth and accompanied in various moments, which was when they decided to try some kind of relationship between them and for the good of both families according to his mother. The Lee family and the Park family had been partners for a long time, so what better than to bring together both heirs of their heritage to reinforce both businesses? However, that didn't last long. Only a year, Taeyong appreciated Joy and vice versa, but definitely didn't see any future with her. He tried, he really tried. He wanted to do his best, he wanted to do things right, but he couldn't. He simply couldn't.

And with the pressure from his family and Joy's family, nothing could be contracted.

'Taeyong, we are very happy that our daughter and you are making such great progress, we can't wait to see a ring on my daughter's finger.'

'Taeyong, time is passing and you still haven't knelt before her, you know we can't grow old without seeing you at the altar.'

'Taeyong, today Joy and I were at the mall and we saw a spectacular baby clothing store, you're taking too long! How lovely it would be to already have a little one running through the halls of the house!'

Marriage, family, commitment. It was something that Taeyong didn't think about and didn't want to have at his twenty-three years. Sure, someday he would have to settle down and form his legacy, but he wished it would be with someone he truly loved, with someone he could see his future with and grow old together, but could he ever get all that someday?"

_______________________________________________

First Month.

Week one.

For someone with enough money, Taeyong didn't usually keep his apartment constantly in undergoing renovations. Lee Taeyong was a simple man, he preferred the minimalist and the modest. Nothing extravagant, nothing ostentatious. At the end of the day, there were few times he found himself at home, its only use was just for sleeping, if he had the opportunity to do so.

However, as many things had been changing suddenly in the last few days, it was no news that his apartment would be one of the things involved in one of those changes. So his apartment was now filled with piles of boxes here and there and a few cans of paint waiting to be used.

It would be a long process.

"If someone told me that, that when I return from America, I would be assembling a crib for one of my friends' daughters, I definitely wouldn't believe it," Jaehyun said slowly as he read some instructions.

"Hard to believe, but not impossible," commented Doyoung, snatching the paper from his hands and now reading the instructions.

"It's just that I only left for two weeks! And now I'm an uncle! As far as I know, that process takes nine months," exclaimed Jaehyun exasperatedly.

A thump on his head made him stop and he brought his hand to his neck to rub it as he complained slowly and looked at the cause of that attack.

"It was a nine-month process, idiot. It's just that we didn't find out about it until a little over a week ago," Doyoung told him, looking at him disapprovingly.

After that, and quietly giving up on how to build a crib, they left the room where they were and headed to the small baby carrier that was on the couch with a very peaceful Sun Hee inside it, or at least she seemed to be peaceful.

Doyoung and Jaehyun approached her, who either looked at them or made an attempt to do so, with her eyes wide open and babbling sweetly. The heads of both boys tilted as they watched the little one and her actions, almost as if they were examining her and trying to guess what her next move would be.

May the universe take care of the little one with such uncles she has.

"She looks like Taeyong," murmured Jaehyun.

"Well, of course she looks like him, she's his daughter," Doyoung replied obviously.

"She could look like her mom, who knows," the younger shrugged and continued to watch the little one. Who would have thought that one of their friends would be a father?, who would have thought that the very Lee Taeyong, who loved freedom, would become a father? The little one remained calm for a few more moments, until Doyoung and Jaehyun's gaze that was on her may have made her uncomfortable, because without further ado and letting out a whimper, she began to cry; causing both boys to look at each other and panic as they didn't know what to do next.

"Should I pick her up?" Jaehyun asked alarmed. He had never held a baby before. "Sun Hee? Calm down... calm down Sun Hee... don't cry."

"Where's Taeyong?" asked Doyoung, and the baby's crying became even louder. "Taeyong!"

"Sun Hee, please don't cry," murmured Jaehyun as he looked around, then took the remote control and turned on the TV. "Look! Look Sun Hee, the news! That so interesting, isn't it?"

"You idiot, what does she know about the news," snapped an upset Doyoung as he lightly hit his friend's arm.

"How would I know, I've never had a daughter! Where's Taeyong? Taeyong!" they called again for the attention of the father, who was not present, and the little one began to cry more and more. "Sun Hee, don't cry because I'm also going to cry," commented a very sentimental Jaehyun.

To the misfortune of both boys, Taeyong along with Johnny had gone down to the lobby of the building for a couple of things that would be delivered for the apartment renovation.

Who else but the great Lee Taeyong would leave a baby in the care of TWO adult babies? Nobody else but him.

Doyoung quickly grabbed a toy that looked like a rattle and after seeing his friend entering a great state of panic, he began to shake it trying to get the attention of the little one who seemed not to have precisely an off button, and instead of getting distracted and stopping crying with the noise of her toy, she seemed to become more uncomfortable and start crying once again.

Both friends looked at each other again, defeated. A one-week-old baby had more power over them. They would definitely be ready to be parents in about... thirty years.

"You idiots , what have you done to my princess?" Lee Taeyong questioned once inside his apartment, leaving the boxes he was carrying on the floor and approaching his daughter, lifting her in his arms and making her cry cease once she felt the warmth of her father.

"What did we do to her? What did she do to us!" exclaimed Jaehyun, bringing his hands to his face.

"You're so dramatic, Sun Hee is a sunshine," commented Johnny, approaching his friends and stroking the cheeks of the little one in Taeyong's arms. "Aren't you? You're a very pretty sunshine, Sun Hee, I bet when you grow up you'll be so pretty that everyone will be after you," he said in a high-pitched voice while Sun Hee seemed to be very familiar with the voice of her third uncle, who was making a very small attempt at a smile.

"Look at that, it seems like Sunnie already has favoritism towards one of her uncles," Taeyong said, smiling tenderly as he saw his daughter calmer.

"Johnny her favorite uncle? I'm the godfather!" exclaimed Doyoung offended.

"He's the godfather?" Jaehyun and Johnny asked incredulously, pointing at Doyoung.

Oh no.

Taeyong looked innocently at his friends and smiled slightly once an idea lit up his head.

"Whoever manages to assemble her crib will be her godfather. Isn't that right, Sun Hee?" the little one just babbled while her eyes closed, beginning to drift off to sleep.

He didn't need to repeat his sentence before his friends ran out of the room and ran towards the place that would be Sun Hee's room.

Taeyong laughed and left his little daughter in the baby carrier while gently rocking her.

It will be a long day.

_____________________________________________

First month.

Week three.

If there's one thing people know about Lee Taeyong, it's that he's a dedicated and determined man. A workaholic perhaps, and that might be the reason behind the great success and reputation of his company. Taeyong knew what he was doing, and he was the best at it. His investments always remained clean and on a large scale; any businessman would feel honored to work with the great Lee, or even to have a minimal connection with him. He was well-known in the business world, not just because of who his father was, but because of the great work he had done on his own to achieve everything his companies obtained after his father's retirement. A young man in big business, respected by the world.

That was Lee Taeyong.

He was also a man of routine and hated when it was affected. Over the years and as he grew older, Taeyong realized that the best thing for him was to have a schedule ready for each morning so that things would go more smoothly and efficiently. His days were mostly planned, but it was obvious that there would always be some unexpected event to deal with during the day. However, Taeyong always found a way to handle it as organized as possible.

However, with the arrival of Sun Hee in his life, and what it caused to change completely, his routine had to be terribly affected. He had been aware that this would happen, at least in the first weeks – or months – of Sun Hee's life. At least until he could take her to a daycare or until he could find a nanny he could trust completely to leave the most precious thing in his life in her care.

So for now, he had to play two roles, that of being a father and that of being the CEO of one of Korea's most important companies. Although now that he could see his life from two completely different points of view, he could assure that the first role was by far more difficult than the second.

He had heard a lot about being a father, even his mother had given him a book on how to be a father, he thought it would help, but it really didn't help at all. Being a single father was hard, especially being a first-timer; his mind was in chaos. Of course, he loved Sun Hee, she was his life, his ray of sunshine, but sometimes it was too much to handle, sometimes the diapers didn't fit as nicely as a pretty nurse had taught him... Sometimes Sun Hee didn't want to drink the formula that Taeyong offered her when she was supposed to eat – and according to his mother, maybe it was because the girl needed breast milk, how the hell could Taeyong do that? – Sometimes no matter how much effort he made, Sun Hee wouldn't stop crying.

And that's where he was right now. At three in the morning, with visible dark circles under his eyes, his hair disheveled, barefoot while rocking Sun Hee back and forth in his arms, who seemed to find no peace.

"Shh, Sunnie. What's wrong? You should sleep a little, don't you want to let Daddy rest a bit?"

The day for Taeyong had been difficult; there had been some mishaps in the company that couldn't be dealt with from home, so he had to go there with Sun Hee as his company.

The confused looks from his employees had not been of much help to him at that moment.

Nor had it been of much help that Sun Hee had been whiny all day. Taeyong didn't understand what was going on with his little one, it wasn't that she needed a diaper change, it wasn't that she was hungry... she just spent the day throwing little complaints.

And that had been too much for Taeyong. The pressure of business matters and the responsibility he had as a father became too much.

Sun Hee continued to cry in his arms, and Taeyong felt like he would cry at any moment too.

"Sunnie, please. I don't want us to be kicked out of the building for bothering the neighbors," murmured a very frustrated father. "Calm down, baby, can you do that for me? Can you calm down a bit, huh? Can you do that for Daddy?"

Taeyong stroked his daughter's cheek, who seemed to stop crying and just let out a few small sobs that hopefully would stop in a few seconds.

He sighed and relaxed his body, bringing Sun Hee closer to him.

And maybe... just maybe, he spoke too quickly.

Because as soon as he was relaxed, his daughter started crying again, and this time Taeyong couldn't take it anymore and cried too. He sat on his bed with her in his arms, and a few tears fell from his eyes.

Looking at his daughter and seeing the state she was in, he couldn't help but feel his heart ache. Sun Hee looked so fragile, so small. How could he keep her safe? How could he make everything alright? Oh, how he wished he had come into the world with all the knowledge about how to be a good father in his mind.

"I wish I could know what's wrong with you, Sun Hee, but I can't read your little mind," he murmured between sobs. Obviously, his daughter didn't respond, but rather continued with her act.

His lungs would probably hurt right now with all the crying he had done, and that terrified Taeyong, who stood in his place and walked to the bedside table, where he picked up his phone and entered his contacts list. He didn't exactly know what he was doing or why, but his desperation overpowered him, and in a moment his fingers were dialing the only number he could think of, he just hoped he was doing the right thing.

One tone... two tones...

It's three in the morning, Lee Taeyong, who would answer you at this hour?

Three tones... four tones.

"Hello?" a very sleepy voice was heard on the other end of the line, and Taeyong could feel the air returning to his lungs.

"Y/N?, I'm really sorry for calling you at this hour," Lee murmured as he left his daughter in her rocker and held his phone between his shoulder and ear.

(Y/N) recognized that voice after a few seconds and recognized those cries even more, making her sit up briefly in her bed and mentally forcing herself to wake up completely.

"Taeyong? What's wrong? Is it Sun Hee the one I hear?"

Of course, it's Sun Hee, idiot! What other daughter does Lee Taeyong have?

"Yes, it's Sun Hee... and I... don't know what's going on. Sunnie has been complaining all day and hasn't stopped crying for a while. I don't know what to do, I've already changed her diaper, she's already eaten, I even sang her some lullabies, but nothing works," explained Taeyong desperately. "I don't know what to do, I'm tired, my arms hurt from carrying her so much, I've memorized all the nursery rhymes, and Sun Hee doesn't seem happy with anything."

"Oh, Taeyong..."

"You were sleeping, weren't you? Oh God, I'm so sorry, I know it's late, but calling you was the only thing I could think of, I'm really sorry..."

"Taeyong?" (Y/N) called him. "Don't worry, I told you that you could call me if you ever needed it. I have no problem helping you, even if it's three in the morning," the girl could hear the soft laugh of the nurse on the other end of the line, and this created a great contrast between the incessant cries of his daughter and the sweet laughter of (Y/N). "What can I do for you?"

"I know it's late, but I can't think of anything else, can you come? Or if you want, I can put Sun Hee in her car seat and drive over there!" Taeyong explained quickly.

"Calm down, I don't think it's the best idea for you to drive stressed and with Sun Hee crying in the back seat. Send me your address, and I'll be there in a moment."

"Thank you, (Y/N), I wouldn't be calling at this hour if I really didn't need it..."

______________________________________________

The door of Taeyong's large apartment was knocked, and this alerted the boy as he carried his baby close to his chest. Lee headed to the entrance of his house, and when he opened it, he found (Y/N) in a very different contrast than he had become accustomed to seeing her. For obvious reasons, she was not in her work clothes, and now she was wearing a black sweatshirt with cute pants covered in puppy drawings all over. Her hair slightly loose and without a drop of makeup.

Even so, she looked pretty.

Taeyong blinked a couple of times and moved aside to let the girl pass while he continued to rock his daughter.

(Y/N) entered the apartment and approached the father and the little girl.

"Can you lay her down somewhere? I'd like to give her a quick check-up,"

Taeyong nodded without hesitation, walked to the room that had been adapted for Sun Hee, and laid her down in her crib. The crib that Johnny had successfully built, opening the fight between who would truly be Sun Hee's godfather... something they would detail later.

Once the little one was in her crib, (Y/N) lifted her clothes slightly to observe Sun Hee's stomach and see a few more things. The boy simply watched in silence, resigned by his daughter's cries and giving a couple of glances to the girl beside him.

I wish the call I made had been for something else and not for this.

Taeyong and (Y/N) hadn't had contact since that time two weeks ago when the former had left the hospital. Taeyong tried to call her a couple of times, to thank her again for everything she had done for them during the time she had been Sun Hee's nurse, but for some reason, he was always busy enough with his daughter and the company, and he didn't allow himself to do it.

He would have liked to invite her for coffee sometime.

He really would have liked that.

"I'm not exactly a doctor," (Y/N) spoke. "But I've worked with many babies to see these consistent behaviors. It seems to me that Sun Hee is suffering from colic; I think it would be best to take her to the pediatrician first thing in the morning just to be sure."

Taeyong nodded without saying a word, maybe because he was too tired to formulate anything or because maybe his mind was no longer processing anything. (Y/N) smiled tenderly, regardless of the little one's whining; after all, it was something she heard daily in maternal care.

"Can I?" she asked, pointing to Sun Hee. Taeyong nodded again, and (Y/N) took the little one in her arms. "Oh Sun Hee, it's been a while since we last saw each other; you look even prettier than two weeks ago, even though you won't stop crying," she murmured, earning a small laugh from Taeyong.

"Try spending three hours listening to her cry," the visibly tired boy replied.

"I work in maternal care, remember? I hear several babies cry at the same time."

"True," Taeyong sighed, "it's just that it's tiring, you know? Particularly today was a heavy day, and it seems that Sunnie has no intention of letting me sleep tonight."

"We'll try to fix it then," (Y/N) gave him a smile, glanced around the room, and when she found a rocking chair, she went there to sit down.

She placed Sun Hee on her lap face down and began to pat her back gently, then used her fingers to give her a little massage, delicate enough for her. For a moment, the crying didn't stop, but after a few minutes, the father found himself really surprised to notice that his daughter had managed to calm down.

From the doorway of the room, with his arms crossed over his chest... Taeyong smiled.

But what a sight. (Y/N) tried not to be distracted by this and continued to massage while clearing her throat.

"The nursery is very nice," she commented, trying to look anywhere but at the boy's figure.

Taeyong nodded and approached her slightly.

If you don't see him, you won't be distracted... if you're not distracted by him, you won't think anything impure...

"Yes, we set it up the first week Sun Hee was here. The guys and I went through a moment-" Taeyong laughed as he remembered the day- "Do you remember, Doyoung? He was the one who accompanied me on the last day at the hospital," (Y/N) nodded, "Doyoung, Johnny, and Jaehyun helped me, it was chaos, but we managed to set everything up... still, Sun Hee doesn't sleep here yet."

"Really?"

"Mhmm, Sunnie sleeps with me. In a way, it's easier for her to sleep if I'm by her side; I just put some pillows around her, and she sleeps in my bed," he commented, feeling his cheeks blush. In reality, it wasn't so much that Sun Hee had gotten used to him, but rather that Taeyong rested more peacefully knowing that his daughter was by his side, so he would know that, if something happened, he could respond immediately.

"That's very sweet," she commented, "how has everything been? It's been three weeks since I heard anything from you," she continued massaging the little one's back.

"Uh, it's been good, I guess. Sometimes a bit chaotic, but I have my parents' help and Sun Hee's uncles," he replied, "... my friends, they say they're Sunnie's uncles, and I agree with them, they're like my brothers."

"It's nice to know you have someone to lean on; it would be much harder if you were alone," she took the baby in her arms and rocked her as she saw her sleepy face.

Taeyong, surprised by the immense ability of the nurse, watched the scene with tenderness, which looked too domestic. Too much for Taeyong's liking.

"Yes, it's been hard, but they've been a great help. I've been working from here, so I have to take care of the company and Sun Hee at the same time. Sometimes it gets stressful, but I have to keep doing it, at least until Sunnie gets bigger and I can get a nanny... or take her to the company. I don't know which of the two options is worse."

"You'll surely find a good nanny or daycare," (Y/N) encouraged, "you know? We have a daycare at the hospital... well, not exactly in maternal care or in the hospital itself, it's affiliated. Sometimes I cover shifts there; maybe you should consider it."

"Yes, maybe," Taeyong smiled.

Both remained silent for a few seconds, (Y/N) still gently rocking the little one to not wake her from the sleep she had fallen into, and Taeyong discreetly looking at the nurse.

Never in his life did he think he would find himself in such a situation.

But he wasn't complaining; he liked the scene. It was nice to see.

(Y/N) also discreetly contemplated the scene and thought to herself: How is it possible for Lee Taeyong to look so attractive at three in the morning? Even with dark circles under his eyes?

It wasn't news that the man seemed attractive to her, but after three weeks without hearing from him, she thought she wouldn't think of him that way. Of course, Taeyong and Sun Hee were constantly on her mind; she wanted to know about them on many occasions, but she had no way to contact with him, and the hospital, for good reasons, wouldn't give her the Lee family's private information; after all, it's the hospital's policies, and she would respect them.

However, she was grateful that Taeyong had called her, even though it had been at three in the morning on a Tuesday, to deal with Sun Hee's irritated problem.

She just hoped that if they met again, it would be in a different situation...

______________________________________________

An hour and a half later, with a deeply sleeping Sun Hee in Taeyong's bed surrounded by pillows, and the clock showing four forty-five in the morning. Lee Taeyong and Kang (Y/N) were in the living room of the apartment, not saying much.

"I think I should go," the girl commented. "I start my shift in a few hours."

Two hours and fifteen minutes to be exact.

"Oh my God, (T/N), you should have told me you had an early shift; I wouldn't have made you come here if I had known," Taeyong exclaimed alarmed.

"Don't worry, really. I told you that you could call me if you ever needed anything, and I meant it. You and Sun Hee would never be a problem. I'm glad to help," she smiled.

"Thank you very much, it means a lot to me that you did this," the boy commented. For a moment, he thought about taking the girl's hands and giving them a slight squeeze, but he held back his thoughts. "I promise to repay you soon... maybe with a coffee?" the brunette asked, feeling a surge of hope in his chest.

He saw the girl's smile widen, causing him to smile as well, and he lowered his gaze shyly.

"Rest assured that I'll say yes," she replied. "I'll be waiting for your call, even if it takes three weeks again," she joked.

"I won't take that long this time, I promise you."

"We'll see about that... in the meantime, don't forget to take Sun Hee to the pediatrician tomorrow; anything you need, you can call me, Lee Taeyong. I'd like to know how things are going with Sun Hee afterward."

"I'll let you know if anything comes up."

"Goodnight, Lee Taeyong."

"Goodnight, (Y/N)."

And so, at five in the morning, each went to bed with a small smile decorating their faces.

____________________________________________

For (Y/N), life was something she appreciated.

Perhaps that's why she chose to work in the healthcare field.

She grew up in a middle-class family. Nothing extravagant, but with everything necessary to live comfortably. Her family wasn't large either; it was just her, her two siblings, and her parents. A typical family with its ups and downs.

She was never demanding and instead tried to help with whatever she could. She liked making people feel good and enjoyed contributing whenever possible, something that made her parents proud.

She grew up as a normal girl, at least until she reached high school, where her parents' divorce took place. She never knew when it happened or what led them to make that decision, which left a scar on her heart.

Or maybe she always knew but never wanted to acknowledge it.

She must have noticed it when her parents started arguing over every little thing. She must have noticed it when her father was less present at home. Surely, she noticed it when her mother cried all day in her room when her husband spent the entire night away. Perhaps the times when her older sister was irritated and left home to hang out with people of dubious reputation were a sign of how her family was gradually falling apart.

However, she hoped it wouldn't be like that.

Still, despite how much that decision affected her, she continued with her life as best as she could, being a support to her mother and becoming the older sister when her brother failed in that task.

She became an independent woman. She didn't like relying on others for money, which is why she managed to work since she entered high school. It was a part-time job, enough for her to have her own money, and it was the job that allowed her to find her vocation and passion.

Her job wasn't complicated – or at least, it didn't feel that way because it was something she genuinely enjoyed. Every day, after finishing her last high school class, (Y/N) rushed to the Dongjak area, where on a small street, she found the daycare center that allowed her to find her path. At that time, she didn't fully interact with the children, as she lacked the experience needed and was still young for that, but she was the assistant to the caregivers there, and seeing them work excited her every day.

She didn't know if she had developed an emotional attachment there, after the conflicts that had arisen at home due to her parents' arguments.

But she enjoyed being there, she really did.

Then her sister, in an attempt to leave home and go with who she swore was the love of her life, got pregnant at a young age. It was a difficult pregnancy, and (Y/N) took part in taking care of her sister throughout the process. She appreciated everything she had learned at the daycare center, which allowed her to put it into practice once her nephew was born.

Her nephew was the apple of her eye and would always be.

She didn't blame her sister, she really didn't want to, but there were times when it seemed like she was the mother of her nephew herself. There were many occasions when she had to take care of Jisung. Her sister had to leave high school behind and get a job to cover her and her son's needs, especially after the man who swore to always be by her side had cowardly fled two months before giving birth, making the childbirth process even more difficult than it already was.

So, her nephew saw her as a pillar. Someone who took care of him, fed him, changed him, and cared for him. (Y/N) even witnessed his "firsts" before his own mother. His first steps, his first words, she even accompanied him on his first day of preschool, continuing until she had to go to university.

Having found her vocation early on made everything easier. She entered the Academy of Health and Pediatric Nursing in Seoul. Where she always got good grades and became an exemplary student, graduating with all the honors her academy could give her almost three years ago.

It wasn't difficult for her to find a job immediately, thanks to the recommendations some of her teachers had, she was able to find a nice position in the maternity and pediatric care area at Seoul General Hospital, where she couldn't feel more comfortable.

Where she was right now.

" Nurse (Y/N)!" a soft voice called from behind her, causing her to turn around and smile emotionally.

"Hello, little one," she greeted, approaching the bed of one of her patients. "How are you feeling today?"

"Very well, they told Mom that I can go home today, they say the treatment worked," the boy told her with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that! You'll soon be back to see your friends at school," she encouraged him.

"Yes, but I'll miss you a lot, so I made this for you," he said, pointing to the piece of paper in his hands. "It's you and me."

(Y/N) smiled tenderly and looked at the drawing Kaeyoon had made for her.

"It's very nice, Yoonie, thank you very much for your gift, I'll hang it on my fridge," she said as she high-fived the boy. Then she looked at the drawing and looked doubtful. "And who is he? Is he your dad?" she asked, pointing to another figure in the drawing.

"No, that's Doctor Yuta, and he has hearts in his eyes because he's your boyfriend!" he exclaimed happily, causing (Y/N) to widen her eyes and then release a smile.

"But Yoonie~, Doctor Yuta is not my boyfriend," she replied, still laughing.

"Then can I be your boyfriend?” he asked skillfully.

"Oh, honey, I'm afraid you're too young for me," she replied with a smile.

"And when I get bigger?"

"Maybe when you're big," (T/N) continued. "But by then, you'll surely have found another girlfriend that will have your age."

"But you're the prettiest! Besides, I have to beat Doctor Yuta," he muttered.

"What do you have to beat me in?" another voice chimed in, and (Y/N)'s body reacted to it.

"In nothing."

"In being (Y/N)'s boyfriend," Kaeyoon and (T/N) replied in unison.

Yuta opened his mouth and pretended to be surprised. "So it's a competition?"

"Yoonie's just kidding," (T/N) said with a nervous smile. "You know how kids are, doctor."

"Look, doctor! I've made a drawing for you too," Kaeyoon exclaimed, changing the subject drastically, and it was the perfect opportunity for (Y/N) to awkwardly step away from there.

She wrapped the drawing in the paper and put it in the pocket of her pants before starting to check the checklist and see which child she should attend to. She stood at the desk for a few seconds, checking and arranging things until she felt a presence beside her, one that she could easily identify.

"So you have little kids falling for you," Yuta commented with a mocking smile.

(T/N) smiled nervously. "That's how kids are. Two weeks ago, he was in love with Nurse Mina."

"But he was right to fall for you," Dr. Yuta continued, and (T/N) let out a laugh followed by him. "Would you like to go for a coffee in your next break at the hospital cafeteria? I mean, it's not the most elegant thing, but I'd like to spend some more time with you."

(Y/N)'s cheeks turned crimson, and she nodded, smiling. "Oh yes, of course. I would love to."

"Maybe I might win you over Kaeyoon," Yuta said as he walked away from the desk.

_______________________________________________

Second month.

Week one, Thursday.

(Y/N) had been right two weeks ago. Sun Hee was suffering from colic, and according to the pediatrician, it was due to the formula Taeyong had been feeding her.

Taeyong instinctively felt like a bad father; he had been feeding his daughter something her little stomach seemed unable to tolerate. But how could he have known? He had to completely discard those formula cans from his pantry and replace them with the new formula the pediatrician had recommended, and soon, Sun Hee's discomfort was diminishing.

Even now, he could sleep a little more at night.

Along with the massages he had learned the night (Y/N) had helped him and a couple of other routines, Sun Hee's colic decreased.

(Y/N)…

Although Taeyong had assured not to take three weeks again to contact her, it seemed that Taeyong really wanted to leave her waiting. Not to misinterpret, it wasn't that he didn't want to call her and invite her for a coffee, but his life was busy, and his priority was his daughter instead of throwing flirty glances around.

Although he knew that a coffee was the least Taeyong could offer her in gratitude for that time at three in the morning, he simply couldn't muster the courage to pick up his damn phone and dial a few numbers. Besides, he didn't want to misread the signs; who would want to date a dad?

"You should just call her," Johnny advised as he watched his friend from the other side of the couch.

Sun Hee rested on her father's chest as he stared at his phone incessantly.

"I don't know, John," Taeyong replied with a sigh.

"How long has it been? Two weeks? You should have called her the next day."

"I don't want to pressure anything... maybe she's not interested."

"The girl came at three in the morning on a Tuesday, do you really think she wouldn't be even slightly interested?" Johnny asked incredulously.

"It was for Sun Hee, nothing else. She said she wouldn't mind helping with Sun Hee whenever she could," the younger one confessed, stroking his daughter's back.

"You should give yourself more credit, Lee Taeyong. You're a coveted and handsome man; being a dad now doesn't change how attractive you are."

"I was hoping she would be interested, not you," he joked, and Johnny contemplated throwing a pillow at him for a moment, but after seeing his niece on his friend's chest, he stopped.

"You'll never know if she has even a little interest if you don't call her. Plus, for the favor she did you, it's the least you can do."

Taeyong fell silent and sighed.

"I know, I'm aware of that," he replied, closing his eyes momentarily. "I'll keep considering it."

"You're stubborn," Johnny commented, rolling his eyes.

"Alright, alright. Get your ass up and come with me to the supermarket; Sun Hee finished her formula, and she needs more."

"Anything for my niece."

______________________________________________

“What do you think of this?” Johnny asked as he showed Taeyong a jar of baby food.

Taeyong turned around and snorted.

“Sun Hee still can't eat those things; besides, the doctor recommended that once Sunnie started trying food, I should prepare her purees myself. It's more natural,” the father shrugged, glancing at his daughter strapped to his chest in a baby carrier.

“Wow.”

“Wow what?”

“I never in my life imagined you playing the role of a dad,” Johnny commented with a half-smile.

His friend sighed and placed a can of formula in the shopping cart before sighing again.

“I didn't either, but Sun Hee came, and I'll try to be the best father she could have,“ he replied, smiling as he looked at his daughter. “ Everything happened very quickly, but Sunnie is a ray of sunshine.”

“She is!” Johnny agreed, then cleared his throat. “When are you going back to work? At the company, I mean.”

“John, this isn't the place to talk about that,” Taeyong said, pushing the cart.

“Taeyong, you know it has to happen. At some point in your life, you have to return to your usual routine. You can't work from home your whole life. Even the day will come when you have to go out and have fun too!”

“Johnny, stop”

“You know I'm right, Taeyong.”

The younger one sighed again. "I know, John, but now isn't the time for that. Sunnie is only two months old; the day will come when I can take her to the office without her getting irritated so quickly or the day when she's big enough to leave her in daycare."

“Just promise me you won't put your life completely on hold. I know Sunnie is your priority now, and some things change when you become a father, but please, also give yourself some time. If you ever need it, you can ask your mother to take care of her, I could even be Sun Hee's babysitter for a day!”

“I'd rather leave Sunnie with Doyoung and Jaehyun than with you,” Taeyong joked.

“Hey! How could you prefer to leave my niece with those two clowns? They can't even take care of themselves!”

Taeyong chuckled and continued pushing the shopping cart while considering what groceries to bring home.

“Okay, Johnny, I really appreciate it.”

His friend kept talking beside him, but he wasn't really paying attention. Instead, he was focusing on the items on the shelves and what he should take home, gently rocking Sun Hee to prevent her from crying right there.

He stopped somewhere between the cereal aisle and the canned goods, and upon hearing a child's laughter, he turned to his right, finding a very familiar face. The girl was about twenty steps away from him, with a smile on her face as she listened to what a little boy was saying to her.

Taeyong was confused; his brow furrowed as he looked sideways at the scene. Was that girl (Y/N)? If so, who was the boy next to her? His eyes widened; could he be her son? But what about that time at three in the morning? She wouldn't leave her child alone somewhere to go help another family... What if she had a husband and left him with him? Oh no, no, no, no.

“Taeyong?“ a female voice brought him back to reality, and he focused on the girl coming towards him with a confused expression, then smiling as she recognized him.

“ (Y/N), hi” he greeted, once she and the boy holding her hand were in front of him.

“ Of all the places we could run into each other, it has to be the supermarket” she commented, laughing softly.

Taeyong smiled. "Yes, Sunnie ran out of formula, so I had to come for more," he explained, pointing at his daughter.

“ Oh, I see. How's Sun Hee? I haven't heard from you since about two weeks ago,“ she inquired.

“She's been better; she had colics because her stomach couldn't handle the formula she was drinking. Now everything's fine.”

“I'm glad to hear that,“ (Y/N) noticed how Taeyong discreetly observed Jisung and spoke, “ Oh, yes, he's Jisung*. He's my nephew; I brought him to buy his favorite cereal, and he's staying over tonight.”

The guy felt the blood rushing back through his body and smiled warmly as he leaned slightly to look at the little boy.

“Hey, hi champ. I'm Taeyong, and she” he momentarily uncovered his daughter's face “ is Sun Hee.”

“Hi, Mr. I'm Jisung, and I'm this many,“ he held up his right hand, raising five fingers and showing them to Taeyong, who smiled tenderly.

“Oh, that's a lot. You're almost catching up to me.”

“Yeah, he’s almost your age” she laughed off.

In that brief moment, Taeyong and (Y/N) exchanged a few more words. The guy was distracted by her, now seeing her in a different light. He had seen her in her work clothes, then in pajamas when he called her at three in the morning, and now he saw her in a floral dress and a thin sweater covering her, with her hair loose and slightly wavy, and a bit of gloss on her lips.

She looked phenomenal. Actually, she looked phenomenal no matter what.

In nurse's attire, in pajamas, he was sure she would even look spectacular in a sack of potatoes because she just shone in every way.

However, his little and discreet admiration was interrupted when Johnny's voice called him abruptly.

“Hey, Taeyong. Look what I found; this would look cute on my niece” Johnny spoke, lightly tapping his back as he reached his side. Then he realized the situation and smiled sideways, “Oh, I didn't know you had found someone. I'm Johnny Suh, pleased to meet you” the blonde commented, extending his hand to the girl and giving a high-five to the little boy.

“She's (Y/N),” Taeyong said, fearing the worst.

“Oh.”

“ Nice to meet you, Johnny. I'm (Y/N). I was Sun Hee's nurse while she was in the hospital” she spoke kindly.

Johnny smiled playfully and turned to look at his friend, who was looking at him barely shaking his head.

Taeyong could expect anything from his friend, and that was what he feared the most.

“Oh, so you're the nurse Yong wanted to invite for coffee?“ he innocently asked.

“Johnny.”

“Hmm, I don't know” she responded with a little laugh, “Am I?”

“Excuse my friend; he's a very busy and absent-minded man” Johnny explained, receiving a small punch in his ribs from Taeyong, who smiled falsely and continued talking to the girl, “Isn't that right, Taeyong?”

“Yes, sorry for not calling you back after that night; I've just been taking care of Sun Hee and working at the company, so I didn't find the right moment to call you” Taeyong spoke with his head slightly bowed, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, don't worry. I figured you'd be busy. No need to apologize; I completely understand” she assured him with a smile.

“But what a lovely girl! You better invite her for coffee; otherwise, I'll do it myself” Johnny encouraged while still smiling, causing (Y/N) to laugh.

“Johnny...”

“I was just kidding,“ he raised his arms in a sign of innocence, “but I'll leave you two alone; I heard there's a sale on floral detergent. I can't miss it!“ he exclaimed so that, without further ado, he walked away from the aisle and left both guys with both children, alone.

“I'm sorry, really. Sometimes Johnny can be... extra,” Taeyong apologized quickly, shaking his head with a smile, “but what he said is true; I wanted to invite you for coffee, but I couldn't find the right moment to call you. I'm sorry for taking so long.”

She smiled sideways and nodded slightly as she placed her hand on the guy's shoulder.

“It's okay. I waited for your call after you said you wouldn't take three weeks to call me this time,” she said, laughing, “but I figured you'd be busy, so no hard feelings.

“Is it still time for me to invite you?” he asked, his big eyes shining. (Y/N) nodded with her cheeks turning red, “How about Saturday afternoon? I know of a café not far from here, and they sell amazing muffins. I'm sure you'll like the place.”

“You've convinced me with the muffins.”

“Of course” Taeyong laughed. “I'll send you the location by text... this time, I'll do it.”

“I'll wait for your message then,” she said, nodding, then staying silent for a few seconds.

Should they say goodbye now? Should he wave his hand? Or leave a kiss on her cheek? They still didn't have the confidence for that, did they? Would it be weird if he did? How complicated everything is!

“Auntie, I want to go now,” the voice of a little boy took them out of their trance, and they changed their view to the kid.

“Oh, of course, my love. Have you had your cereal?” the girl asked, and Jisung nodded, “Okay, then we’ll go,” she assured him, then turned her gaze back to the boy and the little one on his chest, “it's been nice seeing you; give Sun Hee a kiss from me, have a good night.”

“See you on Saturday.”

“See you on Saturday, Taeyong.”

______________________________________________

The boy approached his car where Johnny was leaning against it, waiting for him. Taeyong gave him a dirty look, and the blond raised his arms as he opened the back door.

“Don't look at me like that! “ he pleaded with a smile “I did you a favor, dude!”

“Just don't say anything and put the stuff in the trunk” Taeyong ordered as he placed Sunnie in her car seat.

Johnny obeyed his friend's orders and began to put everything inside the car. After a few minutes, he returned to Taeyong's side, who had already settled Sun Hee comfortably and asleep in her car seat.

“Come on, help me get rid of this thing, it's stuck,” the brunette said as he tried to open one of the zippers of his baby carrier, struggling with it.

His friend approached him even closer and tried to help in a failed attempt; the zipper was stuck, and it didn't seem to want to open even with all the force in the universe.

“Let me try, don't move,” Johnny requested as he held his friend by the back and put one of his hands on the zipper of the carrier, “why won't it come out?”

“What a beautiful family!“ the exclamation of an older lady was heard, causing both boys to look at her. She was looking at them with a tender smile as she waved at them. Then they looked at each other and at their current position, prompting Taeyong to quickly push him away with his hands, and Johnny cleared his throat as he turned around.

“You get rid of that by yourself”

I’m sorry I took too long for posting this!! 😭

Taglist is open, just lemme know if u want to be added! You can ask me something if you want here!

Taglist: @geminiml95 @zooana @cathamada

#nctzen #nct #nct au #nct imagines #nct x reader #mark #nct 127 #jaehyun #nct scenarios #nct x you #taeyong x y/n #taeyong x you #lee taeyong x reader #taeyong x reader #lee taeyong #taeyong #nct taeyong #single dad #ceo au #nct fanfic #nct fluff #Taeyong au #taeyong fanfic #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst

[the-modern-typewriter]

Do you think writers who only read from certain niches (like only romance novels or only horror) aren't reaching their full potential when it comes to the 'bank of information' they could be developing/that they'd draw from with their own writing? I'm talking about chara interactions, emotion, etc. Like, these writers could advance their craft (and avoid falling into the cringe/stereotype/cliche pit) if they read sh!t OUTSIDE the stuff they enjoy writing/their genre?

I see where you are coming from...but kinda no, actually.

Obviously, pulling from a broad variety of places can help you find unexpected inspiration, blend old stories in new ways, or understand more about how different genres, tropes and characters work. It IS one valid way of tackling writing, and I have previously recommended that people (for example), read classics or bestsellers so they can deconstruct them from a writer perspective and try and engage with why people love a particular story, even if it's not their personal cup of tea. I stand by that.

With that said, while I think it can be a bonus, I also don't think it's necessary. It is more important to understand the genre you are writing in.

You don't need to read horror to write a great romance, for example, unless you're interested in the gothic romance/horror romance kind of genre. However, if you read in your genre you can see how you fit in with other similar stories, know the expected beats, and be genre-savvy so you don't pitch something like idk To All The Boys I've Loved Before or The Hunger Games with no awareness that those things have already been done.

Unless you're genre blending, most people when they pick up a book in a genre (be it romance, fantasy, horror or whatever) want it to deliver on the genre expectations and subtextual promises of that genre. For example, if you write a romance and pitch it as a romance but the characters don't get together by the end, then that's a bad romance genre book. It might be a great book. But it's not a romance specifically and a romance-reading audience will feel a bit or very much betrayed! As another example, if you're looking to do a YA fantasy, then you're probably not looking to write in a really literary style. This is not a dismissal of YA fantasy or YA - I occasionally stop and gasp at particularly lovely passages. But literary and genre styles are often asking for a different feel of book.

Sometimes blending them can work. Other times, it becomes obvious why there isn't a big book with that blend already.

I think it's fine to be very good at your niche. I quite like it personally when I pick up an author and feel like I get a distinctly them book.

I also think it's fine to read very broadly and write stories that draw on all those things.

The main point is that the story is good. There's no magic reading guidance that ultimately decides that. It's where the leap from 'reading and deconstructing books is really helpful to learning craft' to 'there's no one strict formula for writing books and your imagination/writing talent does factor' happens.

(Though side note, I do think there is a happy place for cliches/cringe. One woman's trash is another woman's treasure. 'There was only one bed' is a cliche by now, but I don't see any of us prying the trope from a cold dead hands any time soon.)

#i hope this helps!

[felikatze]

pssst. webcomic recommendations. pretty pleasd

from your url i'm gonna go out on a limb and say you like orv. excellent.

my number one recommendations for you are:

Surviving Romance (on Webtoon): Chaerin is trapped in a romance novel. At first, she loved it, but whenever she attempted to divert the plot... it did not end well for her. If you've seen people talk about it, you know what twist it pulls in episode 1, but if you don't, please go into it blind. Just read episode 1, and decide if it's for you.

We have a majorly female cast (there's like, 3 dudes max, and they're all side characters). Big focus on female relationships and the idealization of romance. Chaerin moves away from desparately clinging to a romance with a man that doesn't satisfy her as she befriends her classmates who she previously only thought of as "extras" to the central romance of her life. Great mystery elements, extremely suspenseful at parts, I would die for Hisui, she is the best, she is the cutest.

Also lots of meta shenanigans and timeloops. And the episode 1 genre twist. insane comic all around. beautiful art too. it's the opposite of orv's text based focus in that surviving romance could only ever work in a primarily visual medium

Next up, The Ember Knight! Also on webtoon!

After his brother is murdered right before his eyes, Nagyunn swears to avenge him. However, being twins.... who can be sure which one died that day? He takes on his brother's identity as a knight apprentice to gather the forces necessary and bides his time until the opportunity to strike.

Nagyunn is Fucking Amazing if you like kdj because he is. the exact same and not at all. Nagyunn is Very Intense all the time but what they have in common is that. Nagyunn's only skill is lying. He is lying about his name. He is lying about his skills. He is lying about his motivations. What if you had to solve every single problem with a deception check. The insane bluffing he gets up to is both suspenseful and lowkey hilarious.

Biggest complaint would be the amount of characters with similar names. Nagyunn and Nuljin, and in the most recent arc, Lauzun, Laurun, and Laukun. Are You Kidding Me

i've read the entire thing twice and every single update puts me in absolute agony.

Other comics I won't gush about for as long and that are probably more off the ball from orv:

Estio (on Reaperscans):

Starts out VERY cinderella-esque with a boy who can talk to animals and gets bullied about it. So he decides to leave town! Fuck yall! With his gift he finds work as a Fantasy Adventurer, except there's more to reading hearts than it appears, and there's many people who'd do anything to have that ability on their side....

I haven't been the same since the chapter where Estio kills people. go boy go. his sidekicks include a talking cat, a talking monkey, and a talking cactus. the cactus thirsts for blood.

The demon prince goes to the academy (also on reaperscans):

i fucking love this one. dumbass author is put into his own novel as karmic punishment. but being reborn as the demon prince in the world of "the demon king is already dead" puts a damper on a promise of slice of life shenanigans

the first chapter of the comic sucks it's just exposition but after that i love this one dearly. after the initial running for your life arc it does turn to school life stuff but protag boy reinhardt is so insane that i'd love just watching him do homework. i love that boy very much. he will kick people in the nuts. the school aspect is kind of novel in the sense that he's the obligatory bully character.

it's fantastic. love him.

uhhh what else have i got. quick pitch time!

Vindicaris (has its own website, also on tapas): Elemental beings Ces and Sel vow revenge on the company that created them. Extremely edgy (which is fantastic), the most dysfunctional protag duo ever, fun perspective shifts between Ces and Sel as well as people still at the company. Nobody's really in the right and everyone uniquely sucks.

Ending Makers (reaperscans): Two top MMO players get isekai'd into their game. Only problem: their characters are engaged. Now these two bozos need to team up and prevent the demon apocalypse. Fake dating slow burn type of stuff yknow.

Dummy's Dummy (webtoon): a little girl who can see ghosts needs to stop the haunted toys her grandfather left behind by teaming up with an even more haunted doll. described by the author as "kid friendly horror." i havent read the reboot on webtoon, just the original, but it should still be good.

This Isekai Maid is Forming A Union! (webtoon): what it says on the tin. Brigette is sick of constantly reincarnating as a maid in isekai stories, so she's unionizing the Anders household. Neither shitty love interests with a penchant for murder nor leading ladies with superiority complexes are going to stop her. (this comic has a bone to pick with shojo isekai, and i am cheering as it goes for the throat).

i also have WAYY more but i think this is enough for now. my main haunts tend to be webtoon, tapas, reaperscans, and hiveworks. i especially recommend hiveworks if you're looking for original stuff. reaperscans mainly has action shonen shit but it satisfies my cravings for schlock. though there's also some gems buried there. webtoons and tapas should both be well known enough on their own, though i tend to prefer webtoon over tapas these days.

#Feli gets asked

[womenofnoise]

hi. big fan of everything you do on here and elsewhere. ive been thinking about an ask that brought nic endo and her very questionable views to light. she and ATR have been incredibly influential to me for so long now, but as a trans woman it deeply pains me to read things like this coming from artists who should normally be against anything of the sort. im curious about your thoughts on this, maybe you have some advice on how to accept separating art from the artist (which is nothing unusual for experimental music) when such negative things -directly- affect the person listening? thanks and lots of love.

I've let this ask sit in our inbox for the past week or so because I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted to answer it or not. This is such a hot-button topic and at times it can open the floodgates to negative and counterproductive discourse. However, I do think it's still important to discuss, especially in a day and age where there's so much gray area in the media we consume.

From my perspective, it should be up to the individual to decide if they can separate the art from the artist and enjoy the art made from somebody problematic with a clear conscience. Everyone is different, has different triggers, values, etc., so I don't think it's right to have a standardized set of rules for what is and isn't okay. I certainly don't expect everyone to gel with the music I listen to, that's for sure.

Consumers of art and media should first and foremost really take the time to think critically about the piece of work before them, and that includes doing research on what the artist intended that piece of work to be. A lot of noise and industrial is very transgressive and shouldn't be consumed at a surface level - this is especially true for early artists within these genres whose works have continually been misinterpreted to mean wildly different things.

Of course, there are some artists out there who are undeniably huge pieces of shit and that's why their work was never shared on this blog or has been discontinued from being shared on this blog. However, there are other artists who have controversial elements to their work that I still feel the need to share here because it's about the bigger picture of what their work represents. Sometimes it's necessary to make people uncomfortable to get a powerful point across.

To make a long story short, the point is that it's important to analyze and ruminate on the work of others before making a personal judgment on whether or not we can carry on being supportive of it. I think it's also important to listen to others and consider other opinions and perspectives when it comes to the consumption of controversial art and artists. There needs to be a balance, and I hope this message (and this blog at large) encourages followers to find that balance and become secure within it.

~ Admin @aleprouswitch

#asks #anon #opinions #art #media

[l-1-z-a]

Summary of Will Wright’s Masterclass on Game Design and Theory

18 key takeaways from the creator of Sims

Games give us the opportunity to see the world through different perspectives. All of us are set in our own little world view. We think we see the big picture, but we really only see a little slice of it surrounding our lens. Games allow us to experience different world views than the one we are used to through play and story. Play is just exploring, experimenting, trying different things. Genres of games simulate different types of play in the real world but with very low cost of failure.

As a game designer, you are creating a toy, one which the player turns into a game as they interact with it using their imagination. You want to create something unique, but also relatable to the masses. Game design involves not just the computer in front of you, but also the computer that is the player’s brain. You create a storyline for your game, and the player builds on that storyline based on the actions they choose in the game.

You can leave it to the player to decide what is the win-state. When Will designed Sims, he was really creating an open-ended toy, and it’s the player that decides what type of city they want to build, and they’re creating their own rules for scoring.

Game technology amplifies player creativity. It used to be that you had to have great technical and fine art skills to be able to create something and show it to others, but now within games, it’s easy for anyone to create new characters and worlds and share them. For many players games are an outlet for not just entertainment but also creative expression.

Game ideas can be developed through circling a topic from many different views. Will gets his game ideas from deep diving into a subject of study that interests him, looking at an initial game concept from maybe even 20 different angles, building out sketches and models, and slowly zeroing in on the 2 or 3 that works best and developing them in detail.

Build the cheapest simplest prototype and test it. Take an agile approach to figuring out what works and doesn’t work. Don’t invest more money and time than necessary to figure out the questions you need answered in development. Keep it simple and efficient.

You are getting the player to build a mental model in their head. Human behavior is derived from mental models. In building mental models, we take in data, look for patterns, schemas, weave them together to form ways of thinking, and use that to decide how to behave. In a game, you are trying to create a world of possibilities through which the player can interact with based on these mental models.

Enable player communities. There are casual players, browsers, collectors who like to download themed collections of things others have created, webmasters who build collection websites and have others contribute to them too, and the core creators who are feeding these websites. For many players, their involvement in the gaming community is a part of their personal identity.

Allow the player to take control and go into a flow state. Design the game so that the player doesn’t feel like they’re just getting on for a ride, but actually controlling the ride. Challenge them just enough so that it is not too boring or too difficult, but is right at the edge of their ability so that they can enter an enjoyable flow state. Allow the player the freedom to choose the difficulty level, but entice them with rewards to take on greater challenges.

Create nested loops of success and failures and make fail states light and humorous. You can have multiple challenges going at the same time, some taking longer than others. Just as in learning in real life, the more times you fail, the more you learn and the better you get. Iterations are key. To entice the player to keep trying, make sure the failures are understandable so they can learn from it, and light-hearted and enjoyable.

Develop a game language. This is the system of signs and symbols that you use to communicate with the player and influence their behavior in the game. Game nouns are the objects and people that the player can interact with in the game, game verbs are the actions they can take, and game adjectives are the subjective characteristics of the game that influence how the player feels. Common metaphors and archetypes can be useful. Design visual and audio aesthetics to enhance your game language.

Develop the game mechanics. These are the rules of the game. Think of what interactive experience you want to deliver and work backward to figure out the rules. Keep the mechanics somewhat of a black-box though, because then the player may start to see more than there is. Due to randomness, sometimes situations will emerge where it seems it was programmed when it wasn’t. Make sure though that the outcome of the game actually depends on player agency and not just chance. Play games with an analytical mind and start identifying mechanics in other games and collect elements you like for your own game design.

Use feature triage to determine scope and recognize when you’ve reached the local maxima. Feature triage is when the designers work with the engineers to prioritize the list of possible features to build by comparing their relative cost and value. When it seems no matter what you change you’re making things worse, you’ve reached the local maxima of your current design. There may still be a better design, but you’ve essentially reached the best version of your current design.

Play test as early as possible. Run a kleenex test, where two people who’ve never seen the game before test it out together without any instructions, and see if the game is able to convey what it’s meant to. This will reveal where there are differences between how you intended something to be interpreted and how it is actually interpreted. They won’t always say to you directly or exactly what the problem is. For example if the testers give suggestions for improvement, you should reverse engineer where they could’ve had problems that would’ve led to those suggestions. In the next test, use a brand new set of testers, never the same ones, that’s why it’s called the kleenex test.

Use metrics as guides but know they aren’t everything. When someone is reaching for the controller excitedly and saying let me try that, or they don’t seem to want to stop playing, those are obviously good signs. For more systematic measures, you can look at things like failure rates across different player types. Sometimes the demographic you initially target may not be the actual ones that your game becomes most popular with. Focus groups can have misleading results because participants are not game designers. You cannot describe a game concept in a focus group and expect participants to reliably imagine their experience playing it.

Have a great pitch and choose your revenue model wisely. A good pitch focuses on the player experience and inspires you to wonder how the game works and start imagining playing it in your head. There are many ways to monetize, but free to play models usually won’t work for small independent developers. It’s usually only roughly the top-paying 5% of the audience that generates majority of the revenue, so you’ll need heavy mass marketing investments to generate a large enough player base for a free to play model to be sustainable.

Study systems in the natural and social world to adapt them into your game design. Common game dynamics such as growth, allocation, destruction, and evolution all exist in the real world. Study paradigms such as cybernetics, system dynamics, cellular automata, chaos theory, and network theory. Design to encourage emergent behavior. Introducing even simple rules layers within your system can create incredibly complex unpredictable outcomes.

Game design draws from many different fields. It incorporates learnings from not just things like entertainment and storytelling, but also architecture, product design, fine art, mathematics, cognitive psychology. For example Sims started from the concept of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You can actually study anything, make it interesting, approachable and interactive, and it becomes a game.

These are just the ideas I found most insightful. The full course, which is 4 hr 16 min, can be viewed at masterclass.com

#Will Wright #game desing #masterclass #game development #gamedev #medium

[sarcasticsra]

I’ve always been very “death of the author” as far as media interpretation goes. Once you put something out into the world to be interacted with, your “authority” over the text, as it were, is gone. Media belongs to the people who consume it, and your voice is now just one of many.

So you can write something and intend one thing, and maybe I can see your intention, but there’s no guarantee I’m going to be convinced by it. I’m going to interpret it through the lens of my own values and experiences, and maybe we’ll line up, or maybe we won’t, and either way can be just as correct.

If the intention was to showcase selfishness on Rue’s part by the stopping of the marriage, that part specifically just doesn’t sell for me. I could see it better if we didn’t have the revelation that they were kidnapped into their court. I could see it better if the “negative” consequence of it was more than that a court didn’t gain status. I could see it better if they hadn’t spent literally millennia organizing Blooms for others. Hell, I could see it a lot better if it wasn’t made clear that Apollo fucking sucks and Grabalba is 1000% better off now, happy with an actual love match. That context in particular reads, to me, as textual support of Rue’s action there being correct—they did this, and oh, turned out it was a good thing after all.

But on its own, literally nothing will ever make me give a fuck that a court just lost some status? Political arranged marriages for power are in fact terrible, lol. So the concept of one being prevented as a “negative” just falls super flat to me, right away. I just don’t care. It’s like, oh, okay, too bad for you? Sorry your dumb hierarchy didn’t gain influence and power? If we had some indication that Apollo and Grabalba really had been secretly in love, or that the Goblin Court was closer to BINX’s court in structure and the marriage symbolized some kind of changing of the status quo, or that something tangibly tragic had happened like with the Court of Craft because of it being called off, I’d be more inclined to buy it. Any of those would be amazingly juicy unintended consequences that would showcase the action being shortsighted. But… “the other terrible royalty won’t respect us now :(“? Hold on, let me find my tiny violin…

Taken all together, for me, all I see in this action right now is a person who has been putting other people ahead of themself for thousands of years, ignoring their own values, and something in them finally snapping, finally saying, “this is dumb and wrong and I’m stopping it,” and finally deciding to do what they think is right (followed by the consequences seemingly supporting that decision). Is that selfish? I guess? If it is, it’s fully 100% necessary selfishness. It’s a “put on your own oxygen mask on the plane first before assisting others” level of selfishness. So I don’t see it remotely as a negative. Particularly as Hob desperately needs some of that brand of “selfishness” for himself.

And like again, I fully get what it means to Hob personally, and that part definitely makes the revelation juicy as hell, (and so befitting the genre) but I also know his perspective is genuinely super warped. So while I feel for him and his pain, I’m also over here like, “but it doesn’t matter, Hob, because you have inherent worth outside of the honor of a court. You have worth just for being you. You just need to see it.”

(And there’s the part where if he had gotten Rue’s letter, maybe he would have started to see it, because his interpretation of their actions would’ve been directly contradicted, and it might lead him to eventually wonder what other interpretations of his were incorrect.)

Now, as a caveat, we do still have one more episode to go, so I’m willing to be convinced, if there’s more to it, for sure. As it stands now, though? Eh.

And for the record, while I do think Rue displays some selfishness (though, it must be pointed out, still a hell of a lot less than most of the other archfey we’ve met), I just currently don’t buy this as an example of it. It’s been shown far more convincingly, for me, through their relationship with Wuvvy than with Hob, IMO. (Thinking of the Command spell in particular right now but I know there are a couple other moments.) And it’s important to remember, just like Hob’s behavior, it’s also tied up in a whole host of survivorship trauma, a persona as a defense mechanism for the court they are a captive to. Both Rue and Hob have sublimated their true selves as a response to the traumas of their courts, but it manifested as grandiosity on Rue’s part, to keep themself safe through being a facilitator, above it all, “you might not hate me if I’m entertaining you,” and subservience on Hob’s part, to keep himself safe through being a tool, waiting for orders, “you might not hate me if I’m of use to you,” which is both an amazing parallel and delicious contrast. They truly are two sides of the same coin.

God, I just love this season so much. I don’t even normally dig Regency-esque stuff because misunderstandings as a trope 99% of the time only make want to yell JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER but something about the way this one has been done is just, ah. Chef’s kiss. Perfection. Inject the tropes straight into my veins, thank you.

#acofaf spoilers #acofaf #a court of fey and flowers #battlemaster of ceremonies #I JUST LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH #i just want them to be happy #communicate with each other #be in love #find a good therapist #and heal together #dimension 20

[wordsnstuff]

Guide to Character Development

Patreon || Ko-Fi || Masterlist || Work In Progress

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Motivation

Each character, no matter their significance to the story, wants something. Their actions and presentation are in the interest of their end-goal. So, for each character, the most important questions you must be able to answer for every character are 1.) What do they want? 2.) What do they think they need? 3.) What do they actually need?

For minor characters, this information may be less relevant, but their development is more discretionary and very subjective to their role in the story. For all primary and secondary characters, that information should be the foundation on which you build their action and development throughout the story.

Backstory

The truth is, you’re welcome to build a detailed backstory and personal history for each of your characters if that’s your prerogative, but this information should only be included in the final draft if it serves the plot and significantly impacts the character’s evolution in the text. You must be selective when it comes to presenting back story, because it impacts the pace and tone of the story, in addition to slowing any rising action. If you’re going to include prominent backstory, make sure that it adds more to the story than it subtracts from the momentum.

You don’t need to know what they’ve eaten for breakfast for the 7 days prior to the beginning of the story to write the characters well. You need to develop and comprehend their core values, self image, and motivations, and backstory that concerns those three aspects are the most relevant to the story, no matter the genre.

Positive v. Negative Development

You should be able to decide early on in plot development whether your characters are going to experience a positive or negative development throughout the plot. Once you’ve designed the characters and the plot parallel to one another, you can assess how the events and circumstances of the conflict would change or reveal negative or positive traits about the characters. This is more about getting to know your characters as the author and then going down the list of events, interpreting how they would react to them, and then coming to a conclusion by the resolution.

You don’t always have to have a point B for them to arrive at before you start writing. In this respect, it’s easer (and usually more rewarding) to allow the characters to develop organically as you write the first draft, and then either reinforce the outcome if you’re satisfied or make the necessary changes to reverse it in the second draft.

Strengths & Weaknesses

Each significant character will have strengths and weaknesses, and they will often be adjacent to one another. A character’s biggest strength could be their fierce love and commitment to their friends, but could evolve into intense possessiveness. I write about this in more detail in this post.

Relationships

One of the more defining aspects of a character is the presence and nature of relationships in their life. Their relationships with family, friends, authority figures, mentors, and colleagues can reveal a lot about them. The way their mannerisms differ when they’re with their mother versus their father, a friend versus a colleague. The value they place on these relationships and why they value them is also an easy way to reveal priorities, self image, and motivations.

Common Struggles

~ Do I really need to know their favorite color?... To some extent, developing these very minor and insignificant details can help you, as the writer, get to know your character better, which in turn helps you translate the idea of them into the text more effectively. However, time is a factor, not just because of deadlines, but because of self discipline and motivation. If you spend months and months developing characters to this extent, you will likely run out of motivation or passion for this project, and the drafting process is where you want to allocate that energy. By all means, work to your own strengths as a writer. If this helps you and doesn’t inhibit your process, go for it, but be mindful and assess whether or not you’re just procrastinating the action stage of writing.

~ Beside trauma, how can I incite development… All development spawns because of impact. Trauma is an effective way of propelling development, but it’s not the only way. If you want the character to change (positively or negatively) you have to make them feel something strong enough to inspire introspection and action. They have to have a mental shift, and then act accordingly. This could be the introduction of a fantastic opportunity to further their career, the loss of a loved one, the shift in a personal relationship, etc.

~ How do you know when a character deserves a redemption arc?... Nobody is entitled to redemption. It’s earned, and it’s subjective whether that improvement warrants the return or resurgence of opportunity and trust. This is true, no matter who is reading. You as the writer make an executive decision about whether the character’s reformation is accepted by other characters in canon, but outside the text, the reader’s interpretation is outside your control. You can create a redemption arc inside the story and show the evolution of that character, but you can’t force the reader to trust in that character or accept the notion that they’ve completely reformed.

~ How do I develop minor characters without neglecting the main plot?...The thing is, if the minor characters’ development isn’t relevant to the plot or the main character, then you need to assess whether the information needs to be there, and furthermore whether the minor character needs to be tailored more to do so. Minor characters often serve secondary purposes, such as acting as a platform for symbolism and motif, representation, providing diverse perspectives in your world, etc. While you should strive to make every scene with any character serve the main plot, it’s okay if a few scenes are purely to enrich the reader’s experience.

Other Resources...

Resources for Writing Different Character Relationships

Alternative Method of Character Creation

Resources For Creating Characters

How To Fit Character Development Into Your Story

Connecting To Your Own Characters

Interview As Your Characters

Giving Your Protagonists Negative Traits

Writing Good Villains

How To Analyze A Character

Giving Characters Flaws

Keeping Characters Consistent

Flipping Character Traits On Their Head 

Introducing Secondary Characters

Tips on Character Motivations

Keeping Characters Realistic

Tips on Character Consistency

Positive Character Development Without Romanticizing Toxic Behavior

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Masterlist | WIP Blog

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#writing #writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #writing resources #resources for writers #writing reference #writing help #writespo #writing inspiration #writing motivation #inspiration #motivation #character development #character creation

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc

genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff 

word count: 2.2k

WARNINGS: none (pls tell me if there’s anything i missed!)

a/n: THEIR LOVE STORY CONTINUES AND YOU WILL FIND OUT ON MY NEXT POST! i will say this over and over again, THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! 

epilogue | masterlist

The trial of your father was not something you have ever imagined you would experience nor witness in this lifetime. Despite having the option to not go, you still attended. You weren’t present at the court itself though. Instead you waited at the parking lot with Jeongyeon everyday from the first day up to the last day. The judge’s verdict was obvious and irrevocable. Your father’s ancestry, title and reputation didn’t matter in the eyes of justice. At some point, you couldn’t accept it still but eventually you knew that every wrong must be corrected.

You can say that the wounds from this inevitable downfall burned the most than the wounds inflicted by the enemy.  

Wonwoo was at your apartment when you arrived after the long hours of waiting. He just finished showering, drying his hair with a clean towel when he greeted you. After getting discharged from the hospital, he didn’t fail to visit your place and most times, he would stay the night. That’s why it’s natural and comforting to see him lounge around as if he has been living with you from the get go. 

He already knows how the trial went because it was everywhere. He catches you with his arms once your bag is dropped on the couch and the tears you have been holding back start to fall. It’s not easy to cry every second, every minute and every hour. It’s not easy to accept that your tears are not enough. Not enough to help your father without damaging everything else further. 

Your face was buried on the crook of your lover’s neck as you finally let it all out. He holds you there for a while before he moves the two of you to the couch and keeps you close by letting you take a seat on his lap.

You love your father so much but it is only right and only just to let this Kingdom punish him for the crimes he committed against the people he swore honesty and protection to. 

The exhaustion made you fall asleep and Wonwoo left you be until he had to wake you because he doesn’t want you to skip your meal. After munching on a few bites, he led you to the bathroom for a warm bath, sitting on the cold tiled floor as he took care of you. And in the late evening, he held you close as you retired from the pain of the day.

Wonwoo is a gift and he makes every single day a little better.

You and Wonwoo decided to tie the knot three years later than what was initially arranged. It just felt right at the time to postpone the wedding and do what should be done. The Prince can tell that your heart and mind was not set on marriage yet because of what was currently happening. He was the one who brought it up, suggesting a postponement if you needed the time to think and of course, to wait. He didn’t mind because he’s one hundred percent sure that he is yours and it wasn’t necessary to immediately hold a wedding to seal the deal.

Three years of waiting wasn’t the timeline you intentionally planned on but if one were to count, that’s how long the two of you endured. The plan to have a grand wedding was scrapped and essentially, you two were back to zero. The venue, decorations, menu and even the custom made wedding dress and tuxedo were either auctioned or donated. It was a unanimous decision among you, him, your mother and his parents. It was for the better and taking things slow in your relationship was much needed anyway. 

On the subject of parents, Wonwoo’s, for a period of time, were uneasy with your relationship. It was not because of you and what your father did. Their Majesties were wise enough to not hold anything against you and who you are. What made them uneasy was the people and their talking. If some were still loyal and supported and rooted for you, some were the exact opposite. The tabloids were cruel as well and you didn’t miss them displayed in every newsstand. They still gossiped about your father and even talked about the most irrelevant nonsense. Like come on, who cares about you wearing an orange jacket on a normal Sunday?

But the major stumbling block for them was your recommendation to abolish the Royal Family of your Kingdom. 

You have pondered about it for quite a while and when you have made your decision, you discussed it with the rest of your relatives. As the times have changed, reigning as the sole power of the kingdom didn’t appeal to your family anymore. Some of your father’s siblings and cousins have discussed this already even before your father himself inherited the throne. It just so happened that the then cabinet members strongly opposed the idea. However this time, things will be different for and with you. 

By right, you are the Queen of the Kingdom and it won’t be for much longer.

It was a long and exhausting process. You had to meet with the Cabinet and the policy making body of the Kingdom. For a whole year, you were lobbying and arguing with a lot of individuals who have their own greedy political agendas. However, for the same whole year, the people were supportive of your decision and goal. That pushed you forward and motivated you to not give up. It paid off because in the end, you stepped down as the last Queen to ever reign in your family and ultimately, the Kingdom. 

Countless aspiring public servants stole the spotlight the following year as the campaign season started. Some still encouraged you to hold a position to which you declined immediately. It was a tight competition because every candidate had the potential. The people were smarter and at the same time stronger. They knew who they wanted and needed to lead the Kingdom. No flowery words could ever sway them. 

Power to the people indeed.

You were present to the formulation and enactment of the new laws that will hopefully make the Kingdom and its citizens flourish without the presence of abuse of power and dishonesty. Once you finally signed the last piece of document as the Queen, the Kingdom is not yours anymore and you have never felt so free. 

During the (unintentional) three year wait, you and Wonwoo made the most out of your time as boyfriend and girlfriend, fiancé and fiancée. Well, the engagement ring wasn’t returned to you so you’re quite unsure about the status of the latter. You didn’t lose it though. Wonwoo admitted on one of your dates that it’s with him and that he’ll eventually give it back. 

Wonwoo stayed and continued working at the Royal Hospital meanwhile you decided to leave your current law firm and establish a new one to serve the public. It was a busy year of transition and you felt bad that you dragged Wonwoo into it. Even though he promised that he didn’t mind, you still can’t help but feel terrible that he’s carrying a whole lot of baggage that isn’t his. 

He will just shush you with a kiss on the lips whenever you bring it up and you hate how he makes it work. 

For most of the time, you were awfully busy, you had to bring work back to your apartment. Wonwoo would always complain with his forehead on your shoulder as you worked away on your desk. He would complain that it’s already late and you should be snuggled to him by then and you would just scratch the back of his neck to placate him. To which, he didn’t like. He didn’t stop until you shut down your laptop and let him pull you to bed. 

Wonwoo diligently went back and forth to his hometown and here. He could go back and work at his Kingdom, but not without you. He made it clear that he has every intention of marrying you, so until then, he’d stay by your side. You love every single bit of time you spent with him and you’re beyond grateful. Although there was one instance you had to take care of him because he got sick, that didn’t make him stop. 

The two of you went to a lot of dates despite the busy and overlapping schedules. Most of your dates consisted of long drives far from the city. You frequent farms, beachsides and small hidden cafes with little to none customers. It was great and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

It’s Wonwoo, after all. 

Eventually, you had to visit his parents and introduce yourself in a whole new and different perspective. It was nerve wracking, but their Majesties never changed. In fact, almost everyone at their Kingdom still treated and served you like royalty to which you vehemently refused. Nonetheless, their Majesties still gave their utmost blessing and support to your relationship and if anything, they hope to see you get married soon. 

Wonwoo requested to meet your father at some point. At first, you were confused as to why but when he told you that he wanted to do things right, you couldn’t say no. 

You had to admit, you were embarrassed. However, you swallowed your pride because it’s pointless to keep concealing yourself from Wonwoo. He has accepted and loved you in every way and every form already, all you have to do is bare yourself to him. 

The meeting and conversation you shared with your father was short-lived because of the time limit. In spite of that, it was good to see him and you’re happy Wonwoo took the initiative to visit him. It has already been two years since he got imprisoned and even though you couldn’t visit him every day, your father never held it against you. He was ecstatic to see Wonwoo and the news of your wedding still on, made him burst into a joyful laughter. 

It still pained you to see him on the other side of the glass. It still pained you to not hug or touch his hand at least. But you keep yourself together and remember the purpose as to why your father had to go through this. 

Your father never failed to tell you his regrets and apologies, but most importantly, he never failed to tell you how proud he is and that he loves you very much so. 

You will never become a queen anymore, but Wonwoo vowed that you will be of his heart. He found it cringey himself, but he told you he had to say it in front of everyone present at your wedding. You just laughed it off because you know he’s not saying it out of spite. 

The wedding happened at his mother’s garden with only close family and friends invited. Your father couldn’t make it even if he wanted to, but it was alright because you promised you’ll send lots of pictures afterwards. Some of your relatives made it, Jeongyeon and Seungkwan were also there. Meanwhile, all of Wonwoo’s relatives made it and of course his best friends Soonyoung, Jihoon and Jun (whom you met along the way) were also present. 

It was a short ceremony that didn’t last more than three hours. It started late in the morning and ended early in the afternoon. The two of you, hand in hand and all smiles, did your best to mingle with every guest and thank them for their time and attendance after finally sealing everything with a long kiss and of course, legal documents.

There was no afterparty held after lunch was served, you and Wonwoo wanting the rest of the day to yourselves. A traditional program sounded lovely, but the two of you wanted to be simple. 

The wedding was three years long in the making and in between, it almost didn’t happen. The beginning was vague because it started off as an arranged union. You didn’t know him, he didn’t know you. The middle was everything you wanted, full of love and security. You were so sure and so ready, just waiting for the dress and everything was set. However before the happy ending, shortcomings and bad deeds needed to be resolved and by doing so, one of you almost had to sacrifice the middle that you were ready to have forever. 

But when Wonwoo buried his face in the space between your jaw and neck and his arms found its way around your waist, you realized that everything that had to happen was worth it. In the middle of the garden where the two of you stood alone, swaying from side to side, you realized and accepted that it was all worth it. 

Your fingers ran through the hairs of your husband’s hair and he hummed at the sensation. You smiled at the vibration and continued holding him. If you were to tell one of the sentiments that you and Wonwoo share when you’re together, it’s that you wish for everything to never end. And now that you’re married, it is not far-fetched. 

“I love you, Wonwoo,” you whispered and you’re not crying anymore. 

Wonwoo pulls away slightly to look at your face and when he sees your smile, he knows that he loves you too.

a/n 2: all my love, the drabble/oneshot series masterlist is up! 🧡

#seventeen #wonwoo #svt #seventeen scenarios #wonwoo scenarios #seventeen scenario #wonwoo scenario #seventeen fanfic #wonwoo fanfic #seventeen imagines #wonwoo imagines #seventeen imagine #wonwoo imagine #seventeen fluff #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #fic: ifliys

[missskzbiased]

Eggy First Date

Summary: You can’t seem to catch a break this week. You’ve run out of eggs, visibly stained your living room carpet with grape juice, and worst of all: your laundry machine has broken down. Such an event has resulted in you awkwardly shuffling your dirty clothes to the nearest laundromat, but hey, at least the boy using the machine next to you is cute!

WC: 2,3 K

Requested: By Stayndays <3 Thank you, Buddy!

Genre: Slice of Life, Fluff, Humor (?)

AUs: College, (Implied) Classmates to Lovers, Crushes, Kinda Friends to Lovers

Pairing: Yang Jeongin X GN! Reader

Rebloggable Masterlist   //   Main Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of food, Language (Crap/Shit)

                                                   ////

   Yep… Turns out it’s impossible to fix one’s life in a few hours.

      You should have known better than letting everything pile up like that, but now it was a little bit too late to be sorry. As your phone insisted on reminding you ─ alarm shouting for anyone to hear ─, your parents should arrive at your apartment in about two hours. It didn’t sound too bad when you put it like this, but when you think in perspective, it’s kinda easy to see why you’re screwed up…

      The first problem: You have no eggs.

     It may not sound that alarming, but you promised your mom to flex your culinary skills and bake her favorite cake as soon as she came to visit you. Funnily enough, when you tried to fix some scrambled eggs on Tuesday ─ a hopeful attempt to eat anything other than cup noodles ─ you had to drop half of them to your recently cleaned floor. In other words, not only you had to clean your floor again but you also had only four eggs to make your lunch and survive the week… Which meant you ran out of eggs by Wednesday.

      Now, you didn’t have to be a genius to know that having no eggs meant no favorite cake for your mom… And as much as having no cake didn’t sound like the end of the world, it was only the beginning. No cake meant questions, and questions meant answers, and answers meant you would have to either tell them the truth or lie to them… Unfortunately, you couldn’t tell them the truth or else you would expose your Thursday’s mistake, but we’ll get to that later.

      That being said, you were left with two options: Lie to them ─ and risk being caught ─ or buy fresh eggs to bake her a cake. It was needless to say that you went with the last one. However, by Wednesday night ─ when, despite having no eggs, you had finals to worry about ─, buying your groceries after your exams, on Friday, sounded like the perfect plan. And it kinda was… At least for the next 24H that followed it, before you managed to screw everything up on Thursday.

      The second problem: Grape juice.

      You were stressed out, alright?! You had only one more day to go with your exams and it may or may not have gotten to your head. So drinking grape juice on the couch ─ since you had no actual food to eat and have been feeding on liquids ─ while watching a 20 minutes episode of Brooklyn 99 was a good way to relax. Perhaps, you should act more like the nonfunctional college student that you were. This way, you would be studying in your room instead of missing the coffee table as you laughed; spilling your juice on the carpet.

      Of course, it couldn’t be a normal carpet that was totally replaceable… No, it had to be the very own carpet your grandma gifted to your father when he moved out… It happened to be the same one her mother gave to her when she moved out as well! Of course, it had to be this one and not the stupid carpet on your bathroom that meant absolutely nothing. It had to be the carpet your father gifted to you while saying that this new journey full of responsibilities ─ also called miserable college life ─ would be blessed by your previous generations or whatever!

     Basically, you just drowned your whole family in cheap juice that tasted like purple! Because of a joke! A joke that wasn’t even that good! It definitely wasn’t worth it.

     Whatever was the necessary skill to remove a stain from a carpet, you didn’t have it. And you didn’t have the time to learn it either. So, as a desperate student, you did the best you could: Blot the liquid with a wet cloth, pour about half of the ocean over the spot, mix the most random stuff you had, soak the carpet overnight, and go off to sleep so you wouldn’t botch your finals.

      The third problem: The Rise of the Machines. 

      When you got home after your exams ─ no eggs, ‘cause your mind was too focused on saving the carpet ─, you were still hopeful that everything was going to be okay. The Internet blessed you with the ultimate knowledge to remove any stains from a sacred carpet and you followed each step as if your life depended on it. Because it did. You did such an amazing job that the spotless area turned into a clean spot on the dirty carpet… And that, dearest friends, was the real problem.

      It was exactly 10:27 PM when you decided to shove your carpet into the washing machine and go downstairs to buy a burger on your friend’s stand. It was about 11:13 PM when you got back to your place, happily fed and unworried about your life. It took you less than a minute to have all of your happiness fading away as you saw that the foam spilled over the floor, bringing you a sad realization: Your washing machine had failed you.

     In other words, you had a damp, dirty carpet to save, a dozen eggs to buy, a cake to bake, and a lie to keep in the next… Twelve hours or something. And you needed to sleep for at least half of that time. But that was okay! Everything was fine… You had six hours to fix your entire life tomorrow, right? Yeah… Except that not really, no. Because obviously ─ how didn’t you see that coming? ─, your phone had decided to not wake you up the next morning.

     The fourth problem: Your parents.

     The two hours ahead of you could mean twenty minutes or even a second… Knowing your parents, they could be standing right in front of your door, ringing your bell and asking themselves why you weren’t home. The answer would be because you were at the laundromat next to your building, which wasn’t the cheapest one but it was the closest thing you had to a miracle right now. Well, it would be, if the washing machine actually gave a shit about your struggles.

      As the water slowly spilled over your carpet ─ instead of being gushed to soak the damn thing ─, you let your shoulders drop and a sigh escape from your lips. You didn’t know if you felt more relieved for finally having things working out or defeated for having to go through all of this. The exhausted eyes you met in your reflection were a good hint, though, and you got closer to the glass door to rest your forehead on the cold surface and take a small break. At least ─ as long as your parents didn’t arrive before the drying cycle ─, they would never know about the truth and everything should be just fine… You wouldn’t need to worry about being kicked out from the family.

      “Crap” You grumbled, mindlessly knocking your head on the door on repeat.

      “Tough day, huh?” The soft voice was familiar, but the warm hand preventing you from hitting the glass again wasn’t. You frowned before turning to check if you weren’t going crazy. To your misfortune, the cute boy smiling sympathetically at you was exactly who you thought it was “That’s bad for you” He pointed out, chuckling as he watched you snapping your head away from his hand.

      “Hey!” You blurted; face burning to the thought of him seeing you like this. Why everything had to go so wrong in your life?! Why did Jeongin have to see you wearing the most sloppy outfit you could ever wear? Your hands flew to your hair to try and fix the nest on top of your head “What’s up?” You huffed playfully; hitting his shoulder lightly in the most unnatural way that you could.

     Way to go, Y/N! Humiliate yourself in front of your crush!

     “Just washing some stuff” He shrugged, pointing to the machine next to yours, “You don’t usually come here, though… Well, at least, I never saw you here before” He mused, arching his brow “Are you following me around now?” He whispered teasingly, cupping his hand around his mouth as he smirked at you.

      “What?! No!” You panicked, widening your eyes and floundering your hands in the air “I’m not, I swear!” You insisted as he stared at you mockingly, “If anything you’re the one following me! I live nearby! Where do you live?! Is it even close?!” You defended yourself vehemently; poking his chest as you visibly lost your mind.

      “I’m joking, jeez!” He chortled, rubbing his torso “Calm down, Y/N… It’s your neighborhood, I know” He reassured you, squeezing your shoulder and chuckling as you relaxed under his touch “I was just trying to make you feel better” He explained; hand sliding to pat your back “What’s up? Did you mess up on your exams?” Jeongin asked; tone wandering around curiosity and worry.

      “No… I did just fine” You sighed; getting him to tilt his head in confusion ─ he’s so cute scrunching his nose like this! ─ while you smiled at him, getting back to your senses.

      It was just Jeongin, for Lord’s sake… He was your classmate! He had seen you look way worse than this before, if you were being honest. Which wasn’t that reassuring now that you think about it… But anyway! He had seen you drooling all over your desk, and snoring, and looking like a zombie! There was nothing to worry about… Even if he kinda is really cute and you kinda have a crush on him.

      “Wanna talk about it?” He offered friendly. Did he really have to be this kind and bubbly while smiling at you? Couldn’t he be a little bit less cute? Or just look like a normal human being while doing his laundry? Like having messy hair… Or messy clothes… Or dark circles under his eyes… Or just not look this fresh and perfect and… “Y/N?” He called unsurely, waving his hand in front of your eyes.

      “Sorry” You rushed to say, ducking your head between your shoulders “I... I mean, there’s a lot going on in my mind now” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t quite the truth. You were just thinking about him, but he didn’t need to know that, “Mom and Dad are going to come and visit me today… I promised to bake her a cake, but I ran out of eggs” Now you were just spilling whatever was on your mind, hm? It probably didn’t even make sense for him.

      “And you thought doing your laundry could get you some?” He joked confusedly, laughing as you pouted at him.

      “No…” You whined, kicking him lightly “I knocked my grape juice on the family’s sacred carpet… So I’m trying to make it look okay or else my dad is going to kill me” You explained further, pinching the bridge of your nose “But they’re coming and I still have to buy those damn eggs, and bake this damn cake, and wash this damn—”

     “Hey, hey” He shushed you, holding both of your shoulders to prompt you to look into his eyes. They held a thousand million stars… But that wasn’t really the point “Everything’s good, okay? Why don’t we go to buy some eggs, then you go and bake your cake?” He suggested calmly, massaging your skin as he smiled reassuringly “I can take care of your laundry… Mine is here anyway” He chuckled, seeing the way your eyes lit up to his plan “I can get it to your house before they get there… They’ll never know” He promised.

      “No way” You chirped; hands jolting to his face and grabbing his cheeks firmly “Jeongin” You said seriously; eyes unwavering as you stared right into his “You’re my hero” You stated matter-of-factly, enticing a wide grin from him “I owe you my life, I mean it” You concluded, quickly letting go of his face.

     What were you doing?!     

     “Ask me on a date and we’re even” He joked.

      “Don’t be silly” You rolled your eyes, pretending not to be affected by his friendly banter.

      “Fair enough… So go out with me on a date and we’re even” He smirked; eyes glinting amusedly as you let your mouth fall agape to his request. You took a while to react properly, and the growing silence seemed to get into Jeongin’s head, “I mean… I’d like to if that’s okay with you…” He shrugged, gulping down nervously “I’ve been wanting to… I was going to ask… I was just waiting for…” He floundered, clearing his throat to make it less obvious.

      “Well, if it makes us even…” You fought back your smile, watching as his anxiety dissolved into relief before he beamed at you “I guess I’d love to go on a date with you...” He laughed wholeheartedly, taking your hands in his “What about next week?” You suggested coyly, enjoying the warmth of his touch.

      “What about now?” He grinned like a fox.

      “Have you listened to what I said before?” You chortled “I have to buy some eggs and –” You began to enumerate on your fingers, but he giggled playfully, interrupting you.

      “You know what’s funny?” He smirked “My dream was to buy some eggs with you as a first date… I don’t think we’ll ever get this chance again” The corner of his lips twitched; dimples showing as he looked fondly at you “Shall we?” He asked in mocking politeness, extending his arm for you to take.

      “I must say you have such a weird taste…” You hummed, studying his extended arm amusedly “But you’re cute, so it’s all forgiven” You shrugged, chuckling as he locked his arm with yours and took the lead to find a grocery store nearby.

#skz fanfics #skz x reader #skz fluff #kpopcatalog #districtninewriters #stray kids fanfics #jeongin x reader #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #jeongin fanfic #jeongin fluff #jeongin imagines #jeongin scenarios

[mintymiknow]

Trust Fall - Ch. 5 | Lee Minho

summary | character profiles | masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Reader

Summary: Chan and Changbin encourage Minho to continue to continue building your trust...or your relationship. And as another task dawns near, your heart yearns to give in; only if your mind would let you.

Genre: Secret agent/spy au, romance, angst, action

Word count: Approx. 6.1k

Warnings for this chapter: None

A/N: Perhaps we’ll have more moments here? Who knows? Maybe you’ll need to read through it first hehe~ Anyway, this is a rather calm chapter that I wrote for the sake of character development and building relationships. Still, I hope you enjoy reading. As usual, don’t hesitate to send an ask if you have any questions or comments!

The unusual tension in his body refused to leave him. Well, “unusual” wasn’t the best term since it was normal for his muscles to tense up especially after missions.

But right now, Minho was antsy - the male couldn’t sit still, nerves in his body buzzing with an unexplainable adrenaline. Maybe he needed to let off some steam. The previous interrogation was a bit vexing on his part, and if Chan didn’t hold him back, he probably would have disfigured the target’s face.

After getting whatever information they needed from the target, Chan handled putting him in the detainment center where he could be captured and locked up. Changbin went to the labs, and Minho, surprisingly, decided to go to his room. He usually spent more time in the main building instead of the living quarters, but this was a rare occasion.

He was filled with tension after that, and he was still filled with it after waking up.

As he relentlessly punched the punching bag that hung on one of the areas of the training center, sweat dripped from his bangs and trailed between his furrowed eyebrows. His punches were stronger than usual, little grunts escaping his lips.

“Go easy on the bag, man.” Changbin lightly chuckles as finishes sipping from his bottle.

Minho lands one last punch before huffing out, “I am.”

“What’s up?” Chan says, taking a seat on the bench next to Changbin, “You seem preoccupied.”

Minho hums nonchalantly, adjusting the bandages that wrapped around his fists. “It’s nothing.” he replies, readying himself to punch the bag again.

As he starts training again, Changbin looks at Chan with a knowing look, to which the elder responds with a nod and light chuckle. He stands up, going towards Minho and stopping the bag from moving on the other side. He tilts his head to peer at Minho, flashing a small smile, “Come on Min. We know you too well. What’s wrong?”

Changbin sing-songs, “You’re not usually this high-strung. You’ve always been the most chill between us three.”

Minho’s jaw clenches, and Chan knows better to not push Minho when he’s stressed. So, he returns to the bench and pats Changbin’s back as if telling him to pull back as well. With a warm smile, the eldest agent says, “Why don’t we head for the target range? It’s been a while since we went, don’t you think?”

At that, Minho stops punching the bag and turns to face the two, “Fine.”

“You just want to show off your sharpshooting skills.” Changbin raises an eyebrow playfully, and to this, Minho lets his lips curl into a smirk.

The three agents then walk towards the inner part of the training center and enter a particular sound-proof room. There, they put on the necessary equipment and select a gun each from the weapon rack. They press a button on each of their shooting booths, and soon, they each have moving targets bustling about in the range. As expected, Minho manages to hit most if not all right in the middle, displaying his skills indeed.

Chan and Changbin aren't surprised and whistle at their friend, causing him to sheepishly wave his hand in dismissal...and embarrassment.

Chan laughs, getting ready to reload his pistol, “So, now that you’re more in your zone, wanna talk to us?”

“What’s there to talk about, Chan?” Minho inquires, eyes already locked onto his own targets.

While he fires away, Changbin returns his pistol and leans against the metal table, “Ever since the interrogation, you’ve been on edge. Even more so when we asked you about Dr. Song.”

Minho fires his last shot and hits the target on the head before calmly putting the pistol down. He sighs, removing the headgear that protects hit ears. “It’s just…” he trails off, leaning against the table beside Changbin, “Her behavior is just...odd. I can’t place my finger on it, but she’s just...you know. I’m usually good at reading people, you know that. With her, I can’t.”

The eldest agent adds teasingly, “I thought you both were starting to get along...you aren’t the most subtle with those fond gazes, Min.”

The agent in question feels heat rising to his cheeks as he shoots Chan a glare. “I do not have a fond gaze. Is your eyesight bad already?”

Chan laughs heartily, crossing his arms as he leans against the wall perpendicular to them, “Is she still annoying you? Being rude? Difficult? ‘Cause besides us field agents, she seems pretty nice with Jisung and Seungmin. Jeongin tells me she was fairly civil with him the other time.”

Minho shakes his head, “I understand the ‘difficult’ part since we did bring her against her wishes. We should be thankful she even stayed and stays despite what we make her go through. It’s just…”

“You don’t trust her?” Changbin guesses, looking at the older agent earnestly.

Minho nods his head before shaking it. He then just chooses to run his hand through his hair, messing up the already messy strands, “I want to trust her. To get her to trust us, we need to show her that we trust her. And...I really do want that, but it’s just...a part of me is giving warning signals.”

“Warning signals?” Chan tilts his head, “How so?”

“It’s telling me to be careful and wary.” Minho tries, “You know?”

“Why though? Besides her hostility towards you in particular - I don’t know why though - what else is there?” Changbin asks again.

The second eldest agent sighs, his sharp eyes closing as if he was exhausted. “It’s just a hunch. I just feel like...she’s deliberately hiding things from us - things that could be useful.”

Minho's mind then brings to light what he felt in the jacket’s pocket when he consoled you yesterday.

Chan hums, chewing on his lip to curate his thoughts and words. After a moment, he speaks again, “Well, we do have to see it from her perspective. As you said, she’s here against her will. She’s here and working, but she doesn’t necessarily like it. People like that tend to be more aggressive and hostile. It’s like cornering an animal, per se.”

“Yeah, and I can only imagine the turmoil and stress she’s under after what happened in the seaport and interrogation room.” Changbin points out.

“Maybe you can take this as an opportunity to get her to open up, Min.” Chan suggests with an amused smile, “As her ‘partner’, go check on her and see how she’s doing.”

“I’m not a babysitter.” Minho deadpans with narrowed eyes, “Dr. Song is an adult; I don’t think - ”

“Do you not want her to be more trusting, Minho?” Chan smirks, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes, but - ”

“You have to build trust, Minho.” Chan says warmly, “We’re field agents, so we’re better at gauging who to trust and not. Y/n isn’t, and she’s closing herself off because she’s vulnerable. With people like that, you need to be the one to reach out and build that trust for them.”

“Since when were people this tiring?” Minho sighs in mild irritation, running his hand through his hair once more.

Changbin laughs, patting his back, “You got this. You’re the one and only Lee Minho, right? Agent Lee is the best!”

“Gee, thanks Bin.” Minho fakes a smile, but the younger agent is very much aware of the warmth in his eyes.

With that, Minho returns his gun to the rack and playfully salutes at the other two, “See you for dinner then.”

“See ya.” Chan waves with a chuckle.

Changibn salutes back, and when Minho leaves the room, the younger agent smirks, “You think he’s like that because he’s much too worried for y/n?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised.” Chan returns his gun as well, “She’s too much like her.”

“You’d think Minho would be totally distant and uncaring after what happened, huh.” Changbin muses.

The older agent hums, looking up at the ceiling, “Well, Minho did make a shell of his own because of what happened back then. That’s why he has the whole ‘cold’ facade going on. It’s nice to see him genuinely caring for someone other than us. He’s probably the best person to be there for her when she needs it. He did it before.”

“I’ve never seen Minho this puzzled over something...or someone.” Changbin chuckles in amusement before his smile fades into a small frown, “Well, at least besides...yeah.”

Chan nods, a gentle smile on his lips, “He’s learning. For all his skill and intelligence, Minho hates dealing with emotions the most.”

“True.” Changbin nods, “So...sparring training today?”

“Sounds good.”

You’re alone in one of the lab rooms, sitting by a table and reading a folder of random files you found in the lab archives. This particular room was empty, no equipment and items in sight - just a typical lab table, some stools, empty shelves and windows. Your eyes are much too focused on the files for you to have noticed a figure walking into the room.

“Jisung said you’d be here.”

You look up from your position to see Minho leaning against the lab room’s door frame, head slightly tilted to the side to display his nonchalance. You gently nod your head, “Yeah, if you guys need the lab tests from the stuff we brought back, they’re with Seungmin.”

“That’s fine.” Minho responds, “We already had Hyunjin bring it up to Jung.”

“What else can I help you with then?” you say, mirroring Minho’s tone of disinterest.

The agent walks closer until he’s standing beside you. He leans against the table, arms crossed as he fixes his eyes on the white floors. You study his behavior and mannerism, taking into account the way he chews on his lip and blinks his eyes repeatedly.

Almost as if he was nervous.

Was that even possible? Someone like him...nervous? You have to bite back the urge to giggle and smile, so you look away and awkwardly cough. “If you’re here to interrogate me about...that time...then I have nothing to tell you.” you say softly, fiddling with your fingers on the table.

Minho clears his throat similarly, “I...I came here to ask you if you’re alright. I mean, if you’ve been doing alright. Since...that time.”

You feel your cheeks blush with a warm, pink hue; you aren’t sure if it’s embarrassment over your behavior last time or flusteredness over his concern. Nonetheless, you take a deep breath and reply, “I’m sorry, I must have caused a ruckus. I’m...alright, thank you, Agent Lee.”

Minho’s body visibly relaxes as he turns his body to face you better. He places his elbow and arm on the table to lean sideways, tilting his head as he speaks. “I do have to ask though...it’s part of my job.”

Of course.

He continues, “That man seemed to have known you. And I know you said you didn’t know him - ”

You cut him off, eyes staring at the files in front of you, “I don’t know him. This I can promise you. I don’t even know how he knows me or my name.”

“This I can promise you”? Minho thinks to himself, but he puts it in this back of his mind to ask, “Then...Dr. Baek? Does it ring a bell?”

At this, you involuntarily shudder and take a deep breath. “One of the former scientists involved with the incident back then...that’s it.” you say softly.

“Then why does he know you? How?”

“We worked on things together.”

Minho doesn’t push. He stays quiet, now his turn to observe your behavior; he takes in how you refuse to make eye contact with him, shoulders tense as if guarding yourself from him. He senses the agitation in your nerves, a clear form of lying. Still, he doesn’t push and instead releases a sigh.

“You know...if I’m being completely honest with you, it was surprising to see you be more talkative back when we were in the car on the way to Gimpo.” he says.

You face him, raising an eyebrow, “Is that why you had the audacity to smirk at me?”

At this, Minho’s eyes brighten, “Oh, so you caught that?”

“I’m not blind or stupid.” you deadpan, narrowing your eyes, “Of course I did.”

“Well…” Minho trails off, resting his cheek and chin on the palm of his hand, “it’s just that you aren’t very talkative and open to begin with. I was just...pleasantly surprised to see you talking about more personal things.”

“What I did in Gongjak as a doctor is hardly personal, Agent Lee.” you say with a purely confused expression, “It’s a very professional topic, if you ask me.”

The male agent shrugs, a small smile on his lips, “Then tell me about this Dr. Kang. Dr. Choi kept mentioning him and about how he looked up to you.”

“Dr. Kang is just a doctor, like I said.” you nearly stutter, “Why would you need to know anything about him?”

“Maybe he can actually give us information about certain things? Who knows?” Minho shrugs.

You narrow your eyes again, “I’m not convinced, Agent Lee. I’m sure you have connections who can do that for you.”

“Hmm. Perceptive.” Minho smirks, “I just wanted to see your reaction when his name is mentioned. When Jisung asked, you seemed pretty flustered.”

“I was not.” your eyes widen, “And why would you do that?”

“To get a feel on what you’re like as a person? To get to know you?”

“You don’t get to know someone like that…” you mutter.

Minho shrugs, “Maybe. But you aren’t exactly willing to let us - let me - get to know you, y/n. Maybe teasing you like this will help you warm up. You’re still closing yourself off.”

“I…” you look away, sighing, “...sorry. It’s just not easy for me.”

“But I promised you, right? That you’ll be ok as long as I’m with you.”

“That’s what they always say, Agent Lee. Lying and deception comes easy for agents like you.” you say in a soft voice, “It’s part of your job, right?”

You remembered all the times Chan, Minho and Changbin came up with lies and excuses while on the field operation with them. Sure, they had to do it for the sake of the mission, but whatever they called it - it was still a lie. And you hated the fact that they got what they needed and wanted with lies.

“Agents and organizations like SKZ are built on trust, y/n.” Minho says calmly, his gaze piercing and strong, “Given that we ‘lie’ when needed, the trust we have with each other is stronger.”

“I can’t say that for myself, Agent Lee.” you look at him tiredly, “I had no one to trust back then.”

“Did you not have Seungmin and Jisung?”

“They weren’t there when - ” you stop yourself, looking away from the man.

Minho takes a step closer, bringing a finger to your chin to make you look at him. His voice is low and almost raspy as he whispers, “Weren’t there when what, y/n? What about the past are you so hesitant to share?”

Your lip trembles in the slightest, and if Minho wasn’t this close to you, he would have missed it. “You can’t trust anyone but yourself.” you breathe out in a whisper, “That’s all I have to say about it.”

Minho knows you aren’t going to say anything, so he takes Chan’s advice and approaches you carefully. He drops the matter at once, pulling his fingers away from your chin. Instead, he offers a small smile and stretches his hand out, “Fine, but will it kill you to put a little trust in us? Or at least in me?”

You stare at his hand and swallow hard. After a moment of deliberation, you take his hand; the male gives yours a gentle squeeze, and you end up looking directly into his eyes. At this moment, the mysterious haze that clouds his eyes somehow disappears. A thin sheet of mysteriousness still swirls within, but it’s a tad bit clearer, and you see a small speck of stars.

Minho can see the ice slowly breaking away in your own eyes. It’s far from being gone, but there’s a small crack he knows will eventually spread out if he played his cards right - if he, in Chan’s words, built the trust himself.

Despite being dull and cold at the moment, he knows your eyes have a dazzling warmth and color to them.

Just like -

He doesn’t realize that he’s staring - peering - into your eyes so deeply until you tilt your head and ask, “What?”

Minho snaps out of his daze, blinking twice before letting go of your hand and shaking his head with a small smile, “Nothing.”

You chew on your lip a bit awkwardly, slowly turning your attention back to the files you were reading. Minho clears his throat, gaze back to being fixed on the white floor. There’s a thick tension in the atmosphere, but it isn’t all bad. It’s just awkward.

Awkward but light as if the universe was saying “there’s potential”.

As if you were in highschool as two teenagers innocently but awkwardly skirting around each other before realizing one was right there all along.

Thankfully, you’re saved from the atmosphere when you both hear a light knock on the wall. You both turn to the source, only to see a smiling agent waving at you. “Hey guys, Jisung said you were here.” he says.

Minho offers a small smile, looking at the said agent with a fond gaze; it kind of makes you melt. Kind of. “Hey Jeongin. What’s wrong?” the older agent asks.

Jeongin shakes his head softly, “Nothing drastic. Just here to tell you that Jung has another operation for you. Technically it’s you, me, Chan and Hyunjin on this one, but Jung is asking if Dr. Song would like to come.” the younger male then chuckles, turning to you, “Dr. Song, if you’re interested to hear Jung out, you can come with us to the briefing session.”

You look to Minho who merely gives you a small smile. You then sigh, nodding at Jeongin, “Ok.”

“Cool.” Jeongin smiles, “Be at the briefing room in 15 minutes.”

With that, he waves at you and Minho before turning on his heel to leave. Once he’s gone, Minho turns to look at you, an eyebrow raised, “What a surprise. You’re interested?”

You half-pout-half-glare at the male, huffing out a deep breath, “Don’t get used to it. I just need to know as much as I can to get this job over and done with.”

“Alright.” the agent chuckles, gesturing towards the door, “Let’s go.”

You and Minho enter the meeting together, and Hyunjin and Jeongin are already inside, seated on the chairs. Jeongin waves warmly while Hyunjin flashes a bright smile. “Nice to see you again, y/n.” he bows his head.

You bow as well, offering a small smile, “Hyunjin.”

“Why are you calling Hyunjin by his first name and not me?” Minho grumbles playfully as he pulls a chair out for you, “Hyunjin of all people.”

You take a seat and look up at him, tilting your head, “Because you’re the agent assigned to me, so I felt like addressing you with ‘Agent Lee’ was more appropriate.”

Minho looks at you un-amusedly as he takes a seat next to you. You look at him with a mischievous glint in your eyes, “Calling you ‘Minho’ is still a bit too personal.”

Hyunjin laughs, eyes wrinkling at the sides as he does so, “Well, Agent Lee, looks like you need to work on that.”

“Ah...Hyunjin.” Minho sarcastically smiles at the other agent, and they both erupt into sarcastic yet amusing laughter.

Jeongin watches, smile wide and bright as he mutters under his breath, “Not again…”

As the two continue to bicker with each other, the door opens and Chan and Jung walk in. Hyunjin and Minho stop arguing in an instant, bowing their heads in greeting. Chan smiles and takes a seat next to you while Jung acknowledges everyone with a wave of his hand; he takes a seat at the end of the table.

“Ah, y/n.” Jung smiles lightly, “Good to see you.”

You only nod, unconsciously leaning towards the side where Minho was seated. The male agent rubs your back, the touch gentle but fleeting; there one second, gone in the next. The head then clears his throat and speaks immediately, “This operation requires you to head to Gangnam. There’s an underground district there, but as per our intel gathered, it’s covered up by a luxurious facade.”

“Undercover mission?” Hyunjin asks, and you don’t miss the sparkle in his eyes.

Jung nods his head, “The previous scout team tells us that there’s going to be a gala of sorts tomorrow in this particular ‘underground hotel’. Keep in mind that it’s a luxury hotel on the outside, but a lot of...things happen in the underground aspect of it. Be careful. Now, the gala is supposed to be for some socialites celebrating the hotel’s founding anniversary, but intel tells us that some Cle members will be there. We don’t know yet for what purpose or reason, but it’s your mission to find out everything you can. Maybe get some data and evidence.”

The agents nod in unison, but Jung notices that you’re silent; he even takes note of your body language - the fact that you’re somehow leaning towards Minho, and the fact that Minho rubs your back one more time.

“Dr. Song,” Jung starts, “I wanted you to hear this because you’re free to join them, but you can also stay behind here if you wish. The only reason why I’m permitting you to go with them is because you might recognize some familiar faces - doctors, scientists, esteemed people, etc. - while there. But again, you don’t need to go with them.”

You ponder for a moment, running all sorts of scenarios and pros and cons in your brain. You briefly glance at Minho before turning to Jung, subtly nodding your head, “I’ll go with them.”

You can see Jeongin smiling widely, Hyunjin making little claps, and Chan mouthing “huh? What did you do to her?” to Minho, to which the latter responds with a surprised expression. Jung smiles warmly, nodding his head as he looks to each person in the room, “Very well. Rest assured, y/n, you are in good hands.”

The man then dismisses the meeting and excuses himself for other matters with the authorities. When he’s gone, Chan rests his elbows on the table and chuckles, “Wow, y/n. I didn’t think you’d want to come after the previous time. I’m glad you’re coming though.”

You clear your throat, avoiding their gazes, “As I told Agent Lee, I’m doing this to hasten the progress of finding a solution so I can get it over and done with.”

Hyunjin leans back on his chair and smiles, “Well, doesn’t matter as long as we get the job done! Y/n, you can count on us.”

Jeongin laughs, tilting his head endearingly, “Don’t mind him, he’s just excited to be able to do a mission where he dresses fancily.”

Chan laughs, “Speaking of which...since this is happening in a hotel, Jung had Felix arrange for accommodations. Everything will be ready for us there, including the attire. I’ll double-check to make sure they have something for you too, y/n.”

You nod and a few seconds later, Chan tells everyone to get ready to leave for tomorrow - rest and up train and do whatever to prepare. With that, everyone leaves the room and goes their separate ways.

Sometime within the day - specifically in the afternoon - you return from the lab and enter your room in the living quarters. As soon as you step in, your eyes land on your bed and the black jacket laying on it - Minho’s jacket.

You forgot to return it to the male the other day, having brought it back to your room; you’re surprised he hasn’t asked for it. With a sigh, you take the jacket and resort to return it, thus heading back to the elevators.

You don’t feel like calling Minho on his phone yet, so you end up asking the other agents for his whereabouts. “In times like this before operations, he’s either in his room or in the training facility” Felix says when you bump into him in the main building’s lobby. He then offered to take you there, and when you both arrived, the freckled male smiled and wished you luck as he made his way.

You navigated the training center nervously, making it a point to ignore all the training rooms and training agents. You check the target range where, as Felix says, is Minho’s favorite, but the agent is nowhere to be seen. Instead, you see Changbin. You lightly tap his back, and when he turns around he offers a small smile. “Chan or Minho?” he asks, “Or maybe Jisung?”

“Huh?” you tilt your head.

“Who are you looking for?”

“Oh, Minho.”

Changbin chuckles, “Over there by the gym area.”

You thank the male agent before heading over to the gym-like area. As Changbin said, Minho is there, having just finished one of his workouts. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair, gulping water from his bottle. He turns his head to your direction just as you walk closer, jacket carefully bundled in your arms. The agent tilts his head, and once you’re standing a few steps away from him, you hand him his jacket.

“I forgot to return it the other day.” you say, avoiding his gaze. There was something about the way his sweaty strands of hair clung to his forehead, sweat dripping down the perfect slope of his nose.

Minho offers a small, thankful smile nonetheless, taking the jacket from you, “Thanks.”

He then puts the jacket on a nearby bench and crosses his arms. He speaks with a playful tone despite the neutral expression on his face, “So, now that you’re here, do you want to learn how to defend yourself?”

He sees the panic flash across your eyes and lets out a light chuckle, “I’m just kidding.”

“I’d rather not do anything physical, thank you.” you deadpan.

“What about the shooting range?”

“I said no.”

“Hmmm...martial arts?”

“What about ‘nothing physical’ do you not get?”

“Physical...physical…” Minho pretends to hum innocently, before his eyes twinkle with a not-so-innocent glimmer, lips curling into a teasing smirk, “Physical - ”

You already know what he has to say, and upon realization, your cheeks burn up. You slap his arm, eyes wide as you yell, “Hey! Not that kind of physical!”

Minho laughs the loudest you’ve heard him since you arrived at SKZ, and if you weren’t so embarrassed, you would have thought it sounded lovely. He brings a hand up to the area you slapped, giving you a small smile, “At least I know you can hit pretty hard.”

“What was that for?” you yell, still flustered.

The agent chuckles, “I don’t have to worry about you defending yourself if things go south.” he then shakes his head, “Though we’ll try our best not to get to that point.”

You scoff in disbelief, cheeks still very much pink and hot. You put your hands on your hips, “You! You really are testing me!”

“And you passed.”

“Agent Lee!”

Minho laughs lightly before gesturing forward, “Anyway, you should have dinner and get your rest. Chan wants us to leave tomorrow morning.

“Whatever.” you mumble, shooting one last death-glare which Minho merely laughs off.

With that, you turn on your heel, almost stomping your way out of the training center. Minho watches your retreating figure, a small smile still splayed on his lips. He notices Changbin approaching, and the younger agent grins, “What’s with the stupid grin?”

Minho shakes his head, fixing his eyes on the jacket you returned, “I’m not sure if I should be amused or unsettled.” he starts with a soft smile that eventually fades into a frown, “She’s so much like her.”

Just as you are about to reach the living quarters, a sudden random yet entertaining idea popped into your mind. You pull your phone out, going to your contacts list. Once you spot the name, your fingers freeze before even getting to tap the call button.

It shouldn’t be a problem, right?

No one ever explicitly said anything about you going out to eat or take breaks right? And technically Minho did tell you to get dinner before resting…

And you did need a little respite after all the stress...

Not wanting to get swayed any further, you tap the call button. The other line rings for a few seconds until someone picks up, a familiar voice responding, “Y/n? Hello?”

“Hey, Hyunbin.” you breathe out, “Are you on duty now?”

“Kinda. I just finished a few rounds and have a short break for dinner.” Hyunbin answers with a chuckle, “Why?”

You shrug, a small smile on your lips, “I was about to go get some dinner for myself. Do you want to...tag along?”

“Sure. It’s been a while.” the male doctor laughs heartily.

“Great. How about the usual cafe near Gongjak?”

“Sounds good.”

And that was how you ended up exiting the headquarters’ compound. Technically, getting out was alright since there were some SKZ members who didn’t live in the living quarters and opted to go to their own homes. Thankfully, none of the security questioned your leaving. However, a certain freckled male notices your figure exiting the gates.

“Oh? Does Minho…”

And so he runs into the main building in search of a certain Lee Minho.

Meanwhile, you’re seated in a cafe with Hyunbin, eating your respective pasta meals for dinner. The male doctor swallows before laughing lightly, “I just heard from the director that you were given an offer to participate in some organization’s research project. Didn’t say much ‘cause it was apparently classified stuff.”

You sigh, offering an apologetic smile, “Yeah...it sort of is. Sorry I didn’t get to say bye and all. The head of the project kind of wanted me in the facility as soon as possible.”

“Well,” Hyunbin smiles it off, “now that you’re here, what’s it like? You don’t need to tell me if it’s really classified. Just tell me if it’s more stressful than what we do in Gongjak!”

You laugh, sipping from your coffee. “Well, it is stressful…”

You trail off when your mind goes to Chan, Felix, Jisung and Seungmin who have been nothing but friendly to you.

To Changbin, Jeongin and Hyunjin who have been welcoming despite you being difficult.

And to Minho who has been mysterious, yes, but also very patient and silently caring.

You sigh, closing your eyes before continuing to speak, “Stressful but you kind of just have to deal with it for the sake of the job.”

“Ah, yeah. Hyunbin grins, “Knowing you though, you’ve got this handled.”

“Ah, I hope so.” you laugh lightly, “I’m going to Gangnam tomorrow for more research purposes. I don’t think we’ve needed to travel to other cities when doing research in Gongjak.”

“At least you get to sight-see.” the male jokes.

“I mean...that is true.” you laugh, “I just prefer staying in. You know me. I hated the monthly parties the director hosted for us doctors and researchers.”

“Ah...all the throwing up from their drinking.” Hyunbin pinches the bridge of his nose, pretending to look distraught.

You smile and laugh softly, “And having to drag them home from the bar...”

After a few more minutes of talking, Hyunbin walks with you for a little more, but you make sure not to let him tag along the entire way just in case. A few meters away from the cafe, you suddenly freeze in your spot, eyes met with another pair of icy, steely ones - very sharp ones in fact.

Hyunbin was talking about a certain senior citizen patient before he noticed you’ve stopped walking, so he stops as well. “Y/n?” he tilts his head.

You gulp, unable to respond to Hyunbin or even move a muscle when the other figure approaches the two of you. Hyunbin also notices the newcomer and goes “oh, your colleague?”

“Minho…” you trail off quietly, wide eyes on the agent.

The way his icy glare is quickly masked by faux warmth sends chills down your spine as he smiles at Hyunbin. “Hi, yeah, I’m y/n’s colleague.” the male agent then turns to you, “I was wondering where you left off.”

You clear your throat and slowly nod, “Yeah, ok, sorry. Let’s...let’s go.”

Minho sends another sweet smile towards Hyunbin and says a quick “nice meeting you” before placing his hand on your back and ushering you to walk away. Hyunbin still has his eyes on you two.

After you and Minho are a few feet away, the male agent hisses, eyes narrowed sharply, “Who gave you permission to leave HQ?”

“Don’t tell me I’m supposed to be locked in there like a prisoner.” you snarl back with a glare.

“Then you should have at least told me.”

“For goodness sake, Minho. I’m an adult. I don’t need to tell you everything I’m doing, do I?”

Minho grabs your upper arm, tugging it so that he can turn your around to face him. He’s a bit closer than usual.

“Under the circumstance that you’re working with us, yes you do.” his voice starts to raise, “I hate to break it to you, but we can’t have people running in and out of HQ as they please. Plus, we can’t risk you accidentally talking about what we’re doing in there.”

“If you want me to trust you, can’t you trust me on this?” you scoff, “What makes you think I’m going to blab about it?”

You would probably laugh at yourself for saying that. If only Minho knew that you took one of the samples from the lab the other day when you returned from the black market and seaport.

No way he’d trust you if he found out.

Minho laughs, his voice a strand of hair away from shouting, “Stop being so stupid, y/n. You know you’re involved with something top-secret. Don’t go meeting people behind my back. Not even with your little boyfriend.”

You grit your teeth, eyes wide with anger, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Before Minho can respond, Hyunbin is by your side, his eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Hey, I heard shouting. Are you ok?”

You look at Minho’s now-calm expression before smiling at Hyunbin, “Yeah, don’t worry. We were just...joking around.”

Wow. Lying came easy to you now too.

Hyunbin smiles lightly, eyes trailing to where Minho was holding your arm. At that, the agent raises an eyebrow in challenge, and it prompts Hyunbin to back down. “Alright, see you around then, y/n.” the male doctor then wishes you a good evening before turning on his heel and walking away.

Minho then clears his throat, letting go of your arm as he mutters for you to follow him. You do, not wanting to anger the agent any further. As the two of you walk back to his car, a thick silence envelopes you two. Even inside the car, the tension is suffocating.

When he stops at a red light, he finally breaks the silence. “I’m sorry.” he says abruptly, “I didn’t mean to call you stupid. That was out of line.”

You carefully glance at him, noticing how flushed his cheeks were. It softens your heart a bit, and you choose to look out the window. “It’s ok. I probably deserved that.” you admit.

Minho hums before replying, “You didn’t, but I need you to understand why we can’t have you going out and meeting people. It’s not about trust - ‘cause I do trust you. It’s about keeping you safe. You might not get why, but - ”

“Minho, it’s fine.” you turn to face him, and though your expression is bland, your eyes are apologetic, “It’s not your fault.”

Minho stares at you, the red light from the traffic light reflecting against his perfect face and painting him in a dark yet soft light. “I’m also sorry about the boyfriend thing. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

You blush, chewing on the inside of your cheek before replying, “That’s ok, I overreacted.”

“Alright.”

“He really isn’t my boyfriend though.”

“And you’re telling me this because…?”

“Nothing. Drive.” you cough, “The light’s green.”

Minho laughs, his lips curling into a genuine smile with you for the first time ever. You look at him warmly before snapping away, leaning your head on the window and shutting your eyes.

Your heart wants to trust him but your mind doesn’t.

And as a scientist and doctor, the mind always prevails.

#stayhavennet #stray kids #lee know #lee know scenario #lee know imagine #minho #minho scenario #minho imagine #skz #stray kids minho scenario #stray kids minho imagine #stray kids minho #lee minho #lee minho scenario #lee minho imagine #lee know x reader #minho x reader #scenario #imagine #spy au #secret agent au #au #spy #secret agent #series: trust fall #s: trust fall

[pear-pies]

Placebo in Rock & Folk magazine - April 2003

Words by Jerome Soligny, photos by Carole Epinette

Wonky translation under the cut:

These three did it all. Shot with the QOTSAs and posed with Indo. They survived "Velvet Goldmine" and the Top Bab. They come back after the ordeal of the fourth album. Danger interview: “Jerome, what if you came out?” They ask our charming reporter.

"We do not regret anything"

Everything begins again with "Bulletproof Cupid", a punky instrument that pulls everything off. Then "English Summer Rein", mechanico-depressive spinning punctuated by twisted keyboards, and "Sleeping With Ghosts", the lament which advances while blistering during cooking, confirm the tone. Against all expectations, because you never know how will age the groups that the previous album installed at the Top, Placebo took over. And stuffed it in an iron glove. Further on, "The Bitter End" tumbles through yapping guitars which would stick to the hatches the thickest of the sailors. Be careful, Placebo is on the way out of being one. At the end of the record, Brian Molko, Stefan Olsdal and Steve Hewitt do not even run out of steam. The cows. They drop a "Centerfolds" which frolic like a cynical top under a shower of saving doubts. What augur still other perspectives.

The fourth album: a horror for all who have faced it. Often a stupid trap. Returning from the Gothic directly inherited from the glam of pageantry and from these hasty and harmful certainties which congest the face and the veins, Placebo publishes its first real great disc. Oh, not the marvel of wonders, not the album from the third millennium, but something very strong, compact, tenacious in listening, which proves that the future is indeed there, in front, where the light is most blinding. Calfeucée in their Parisian hotel (the Costes, of course), our three lads do not make the blow of the revelation, of the luminous questioning. Simply, they now think with their heads, a good plan most often Likewise, reality no longer frightens them, and it is probably she who is hiding behind this "Sleeping With Ghosts" which relates the sorrows only for the better. melt into hopes At the moment when rock brings us back to life and when we just want to ask them everything, the Placebo have decided to say everything. Not even in a hurry, they settle down on the couch, ready to talk like never before. Despite new batteries embedded in the carcass, the Panasonic barely a Brian Molko: Hey Jerome, you came to talk to us this time when you had not come to the previous album ...

Rock & Folk: Uh yes but I was there for the first two, that says a lot, right?

Brian Molko: Certainly, I also believe that over time, we finally appreciate the true nature of the problem: we were mainly criticized for the sound of the previous album, which I can understand but, paradoxically, it is the one that brought us to the Top.

R&F: Legitimately, we have the right to expect a lot from the people we love: while "Black Market Music" sounded a bit like a sequel, this new record is all about a renaissance.

Brian Molko: Actually, we were finally able to live a little. After having existed in a small bubble for a very long time, we forced ourselves to take an eight-month break. The album-tour rhythm put us on the sidelines: we no longer had normal contact with anything. We were losing ourselves. We have fully lived the old cliché which claims that we spend the first years of our life writing a first record and six months on the second. It turned out to be very true. We had to get back to the situation of the first album, see friends, go shopping, look at the buildings in our city.

R&F: So the freshness would come from there ...

Brian Molko: Yes, and it was essential spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Steve Hewitt: We had to be in tune with reality again.

Brian Molko: In fact, we find ourselves in a bit of the same state of mind as when we released "Without You I'm Nothing", although "Sleeping With Ghosts" is a lot less gloomy. The heroin has since stopped leaking. In fact, I feel like I've pulled myself out of what I consider my second teenage years, between twenty and thirty. I conquered the self-destruction, exorcised some demons, understood what had happened to me. I held on to what I had learned. As a human being, I am now able to continue living, to try to answer the big questions posed by existence.

R&F: Maybe that's why the melodies are needed this time. It took me four records to get a favorite Placebo track.

The whole group in chorus: Which one?

R&F: "Protect Me From What I Want", of course ...

Brian Molko: The most paradoxical is that this song dates from the end of the "Black Market Music" sessions. I was not married at the time, but I was trying to get out of a particularly vicious divorce.just started. Then we wait for the lyrics, which don't arrive, it's rather intriguing. We especially wanted to avoid the big Rican producer side, we needed someone who shakes us up a bit. Jim could do that because he comes from dance and his pedigree is impressive. We have all his records at home, Bjôrk, Massive Attack, Sneaker Pimps and especially DJ Shadow. It is believed that guitar rock can only evolve by incorporating new genres, this is the only way to remain a modern rock band. At home, we practically only listen to hip hop.

R&F: Still, he didn't betray you.

Brian Molko: No because he actually brought out our rock side, which I'm particularly proud of. In fact, because we always wanted to control everything, it was not easy to be forced, to do certain things backwards, to walk on the head. But in truth, that's what we wanted: yes, there was some tension in the studio but we all took advantage of it. The challenge is necessary and it is also valid for the public. We opened up and rediscovered ourselves.

Stefan Olsdal (emerging from his chair): We found ourselves in front of the mirror, at the foot of the wall: someone had to kick our ass.

Brian Molko: Jim was like, "Why are you doing this?" We would answer him: "Because we always do it like that!" He would say: "All the more reason not to do it."

Stefan Olsdal: On the first day, he messed up all the demos, changed the tones, the tempos ...

R&F: Like Brian Eno ...

Steve Hewitt: Yeah, but with a lot more compassion. Eno is a bit (silence) ... We don't really like being told our actions, but at the same time, we are still young, still absorbing. Jim knew how to preserve us while making a modern sound.

R&F: Modern and rock'n'roll at the same time, a characteristic which does not necessarily apply to all the young groups in The which recycle the past gently but are convinced to have found the virus of the AIDS.

Steve Hewitt: Placebo doesn't belong to any current, has nothing to do with fashion.

R&F: You always pose as outsiders.

Brian Molko: It's the only way to survive.

Steve Hewitt: These bands, like The Strokes, play the nostalgia card.

Stefan Olsdal: And what happens next? I would not like to be in their place.

Brian Molko: If you want good New York pop, you better listen to Blondie.

R&F: In 2003, 11 seems that you have abandoned all the androgynous paraphernalia, sexual ambiguity, glam references ...

Brian Molko: I think today everyone knows what there is to know. Our sexual inclinations haven't changed, and we still wear makeup. It is just more expensive and better applied. We are ourselves, in our music and in private. I went through my travelo period (in French in the interview - Editor's note), and I understood that being androgynous was not wearing skirts. It is a way of being on the spiritual plane. It is not an image but a state of mind.

Steve Hewitt: It's like being punk, it's an attitude.

Brian Molko: At the same time, I don't regret any of my eccentricities. I grew up in the spotlight and it all kind of makes me smile.

Stefan Olsdal: People still talk to us about certain outfits or positions, as if it still shocks them.

R&F: Yes, and particularly in France, a particularly homophobic country which bumps heartily on gay artists.

Brian Molko: And you, coincidentally, you still hang out with.

Stefan Olsdal: Jérôme, it's coming out time (laughs) ...

Brian Molko: All that has to change, that all of France becomes gay (laughs)!

R&F: "Protect Me From What I Want" precisely, here is a title heavy with meaning. What was the idea behind this song?

Brian Molko: For me, it's a study of the pathological need people have to copulate, the search for meaning in copulation. As if bachelors or monogamists were aliens. As if we were only one when we were two. The song is about the fact that one relationship has destroyed me but I can't help but look for another ... why do I keep coming back to this?

R&F: Wow, we're bathing in philosophy here!

Brian Molko: Yes and it's the same elsewhere in the record: in "Plasticine", I insist on the fact that you have to be yourself above all while asking myself all these questions. Why do we have to do a lot of forbidden things, bad or harmful?

R&F: It's therapy in public.

Brian Molko: At least I find some balance in it. These are not songs about compassion or self-pity. They came out like this because it was vital for me. I am in this privileged situation where I can express myself and the world hears me. Otherwise, I would be really frustrated and I would have suffered a lot more in the last fifteen years.

R&F: Music saved your life.

Brian Molko: Sure.

Steve Hewitt: Everyone: I think we can say that. Without Placebo, we would not be not even alive.

Brian Molko: Spitting it all out is not necessarily the right solution. There are things with which to live. In fact, I've always been afraid to go see a psychiatrist ...

R&F: Yet, listening to you speak earlier, you could have the feeling that Jim Abiss acted a bit like a shrink with you.

Brian Molko: That's right. You could say that.

R&F: At a time when Bush and Blair want to play World War III, what attitude do you adopt? What do you think of these Englishmen who left for Iraq to constitute a human shield?

Brian Molko: Let's say we stand together. We participated in the March for Peace on February 14th with Damon Albarn and 3D from Massive Attack. We were also surprised that so few groups mobilized, which increased our desire to participate tenfold.

R&F: Do you consider that it is the role of the artist to give voice in such circumstances?

Steve Hewitt: Yes, in the sense that we can help with general motivation.

Brian Molko: I'm very interested in seeing if Blair is going to let Bush bomb Iraq with the British present on the soil of the country. If he ever allows that, the consequences will be dire.

R&F: It will only be one more religious war, in the name of oil and money ...

Brian Molko: It seems absurd that we can still fight for that. And curiously, nobody speaks more, or almost, of Bin Laden. Wouldn't it all come from him, by chance, as a huge consequence of September 11? On the other hand, we have such a feeling that Bush wants to finish the job that daddy started. Its image is so bad that it needs at least one war to restore its image.

Steve Hewitt: And reinvigorate its dying economy.

R&F: The method is lamentable, deceitful. Like those employed by the recording industry which claims to be doing well by selling pop in damaged boxes to ignoramuses.

Brian Molko: The ability of this job to ingest people, bribe them and then spit them out is impressive. This is what happened here at Canal +.R&F: Business is the beast.

Brian Molko: All these pre-made artists are young and naff ...

Steve Hewitt: They'll all end up in a labor camp for ex-pop stars.

R&F: Warhol was talking about fifteen minute glory, we're brutally passed to fifteen seconds.

Brian Molko: We should have called them Karaoke idols from the start.

Steve Hewitt: And it only works because of the TV ...

R&F: Who washes the poor, helpless brains.

Steve Hewitt: You can tell how much people want to think less

R&F: And spend less. For many, music should be free: one in five thirteen-year-olds doesn't know that a disc doesn't have to be a computer-burnt puck. Some are flabbergasted when they see a cover for the first time.

Stefan Olsdal: And those who don't buy records put pressure on those who have them to pass them on at all costs, just long enough to copy them.

R&F: Exactly.

Brian Molko: That's why we blame Robbie Williams so much. Scooping 80 million pounds off EMI and then declaring that pirating music is a fantastic thing just makes him want to stick a chunk in his face.

R&F .: And then piracy is not a matter of environment. It's not a suburban thing. There are rich kids who find it normal to burn 80 CDs during their weekend and sometimes sell them to their friends ...

Brian Molko: What do these people believe? That we are there, the face in the stream with a syringe stuck in the arm singing "La Vie En Rose"? And who will pay for our children's school? Not them, anyway. Our mentality is quite different: we always want to buy records from people we love, from our friends. Personally, we are partly out of the woods, but it will be particularly difficult for new groups to make a living from music in five or ten years.

R&F: Come on, we're not going to leave each other on this, a little humor won't hurt anyone. If you were to be banned from any of these three things, which would you choose: making music, making money or making love?

Steve Hewitt (almost tit for tat): I would stop making money, without hesitation. It's because I love music and sex too much. And then, well, you have to choose.

Brian Molko (completely overwhelmed): Oh damn, that's not true. What a dilemma!

R&F: No Brian, that doesn't count, make an effort (laughs).

Brian Molko: Ah, I don't know. And then if. I would stop making money and get on well with someone super rich.

R&F: Or you would be pimp ...

Brian Molko: Yes, that's it. Good plan.

Stefan Olsdal: Stop making love does not mean to stop loving ...

Brian Molko (preparing his shot): And we can always masturbate (general laughter).

Stefan Olsdal: OK then, I would stop making love.

R&F: Okay, it will be written in black and white for all eternity.

Brian Molko: Will we live long enough to regret it? This is the real question.

*COLLECTED BY JEROME SOLIGNY

[Inset, Trash Palace]

Already present on the first album by Trash Palace which he had adorned with his presence one unhealthy recovery of "I Love You, Me No More "in duet with Asia Argento, Brian Molko is coming to re-stack. This time he cosigns directly "The Metric System " with Dimitri Trash Palace Tikovoi, an electro saw boosted to bleeps fundamentals available in two remix and its clip on an enhanced single recently published at Discograph. The result is particularly (d) amazing and sounds good logical, like of Placebo cyber.Placebo in  Rock & Folk magazine - April 2003

#the cows. #placebo #brian molko #stefan olsdal #steve hewitt #the metric system is so chaotic i love it

[jadelotusflower]

It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.  

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014.  But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen?  Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?  

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak).  And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination.  How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

#star wars #star wars meta #heir to the jedi #nakari kelen #luke skywalker #fridging #it's cold in that fridge #star wars expanded universe #nucanon

[retrievablememories]

the honeymooners | taemin (m)

title: the honeymooners pairing: taemin x reader genre: smut, angst, fluff request: “Taemin and his new bride get into a fight at the hotel they’re staying at in China because she saw her ex and was all touchy(not purposely) and he was jealous that other men looked at her despite she being HIS wife so he reminds her who she married after they get back to their hotel room and he shows her how much he loves her body & soul as they make love and after he apologizes for being so angry,tells her he loves her so much+is blessed to her hubby and can’t wait to have kids with her. ❤️” word count: 4.1k warnings: oral (female receiving), exhibitionism, unprotected sex (don’t try at home 🤪), creampie

For your honeymoon, you and Taemin decided to spend a few weeks in Shanghai. Everything was planned out ahead of time to make sure you’d have the best time possible — from the hotel you were staying in to the things you were going to see around the city.

Things had been going well for the first few days — just as well as you hoped and wished they would, and you honestly couldn’t imagine asking for anything more perfect. Well, that is, up until one particular night at the hotel where you were staying at.

You and Taemin had decided to eat dinner there that night instead of going somewhere else within the city, being a little worn out from all the sightseeing and activities and not wanting to make another long trip back and forth, so you headed to the hotel’s dining room.

Partly, though, you also suspected that Taemin didn’t want to spend anymore time out in the city because he was a little incensed about all the stares you were getting. Wherever you went that day, there were at least one or two men looking your way, perhaps a little more closely than they should’ve been. It hadn’t been an unusual thing to get stares since you arrived in Shanghai—you were a foreigner in a new land—but today, it was more intense.

Taemin had enough sense not to blame it on you or what you were wearing, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still going to be angry with the men who were looking at you. He’d held your hand a little tighter, pulled you around the waist more closely, leaned in more than necessary to hear your words whenever you spoke to him. He wanted people to know you were taken—though it was already obvious and didn’t seem to deter the glances either way.

You’d tried to laugh the lingering looks off, but Taemin didn’t find it as nearly as amusing as you did. Still, you continue to hope that you can steer his mind away from this subject once you get to the dining room and start on your meal.

“Everything is so fancy here,” you say after you’ve taken your seats at a table. “I’m glad we chose this hotel. You don’t get to see this kind of luxury everyday.’

“I’m glad, too.” Taemin scans his eyes across the room, taking in its elegance and beauty in a way that he hadn’t got to do when you’d first arrived in the city. Already, he feels a little more calm after getting away from the prying gazes of so many people out on the streets.

However, something out of the ordinary soon catches his attention. “Isn’t that…?” Taemin pauses and cocks an eyebrow when he sees a familiar face across the room—one he’d rather not recognize. Your ex-boyfriend.

“Who?” you ask, but your question is immediately answered when you also see the man standing across the other side of the room. “Jesus, is that Joseph?”

“He works as a waiter here? Of all hotels in the world?” Taemin says, instantly looking a bit disgruntled. If he’d somehow known that, he honestly never would’ve booked this place, but it’s far too late to do anything about that. Maybe that’s an extreme way to try to avoid your spouse’s ex, but Taemin didn’t want to have anything to do with the man and wasn’t interested in starting now.

You and Taemin were friends long before you began a relationship and got married, and this particular ex was one Taemin was never quite fond of. Back when you and Joseph were still together, he always liked to make a show of having you on his arm and engaging in PDA at every possible opportunity. You, thinking it was a funny and cute way of showing affection, didn’t have much to say about it at first, but it annoyed Taemin to no end. 

It seemed to Taemin that Joseph did everything he could to show you off as a trophy. Not because he genuinely felt anything for you, but because he simply liked being able to say you were his. He even liked the attention and envy that came from other women who’d wished they were his instead, even if it ended up with you being embroiled in drama.

Maybe that was just Taemin being petty back when he didn’t even realize he loved you, but he still swears there were a hundred other reasons besides those to dislike the man. Besides, he felt more justified in his theory when, after breaking up with Joseph, you told Taemin you felt your relationship was just too surface-level, no matter how hard you tried to get closer to him.

“It really is a small world,” you say, though Taemin sees more irony than humor in it. 

As if the luck couldn’t get any better, Joseph ends up being the waiter assigned to your table for the night. Taemin has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at Joseph’s recognition of you two, complete with the overdone gasping and the shocked eyes about to pop out of his head. If there’s one thing he’ll do, he’ll put on a show.

“Wow, Y/N! It’s been a long time, I would’ve never thought I’d see you here of all places! Funny how fate works, huh?” Joseph reaches out to shake your hand, and Taemin’s eyes squint at the sight of his hand in yours.

“Aha, yeah, it’s really ironic, isn’t it?” Your smile is kind enough, but you still feel a bit awkward about the whole situation.

Joseph turns his attention to Taemin, who is sitting with a half-smile, half-grimace on his face. “Congratulations on your marriage, by the way! I’m really glad Y/N found someone who’ll take care of her.”

“Uh, thank you.” It wouldn’t have been you anyway, Taemin thinks to himself, and smirks a little.

“How ironic that her future husband was her best friend all along...you know, I still remember when you used to wear that bowl cut.” Joseph laughs good-naturedly, probably thinking he’s just making a light joke, but Taemin isn’t quite so entertained by it.

“Ah, yes! Remember when you couldn’t grow a beard?” Both men laugh, though Joseph’s chuckle is a little bit more strained at that unwelcome memory. You laugh too, but only to try to keep the mood light and avoid making the situation even weirder than it already is.

“Um well, I’m gonna see what’s available if you guys aren’t done reminiscing on old times just yet...” you say, hastily flipping through the menu for something that looks good. Joseph takes your drink orders and goes off to prepare them, leaving the two of you to silently breathe a sigh of relief at his departure.

Taemin peeks at you from over the top of his menu, shaking his head slightly. He glances to the side as he does so, as if he expects the other man to still be watching your table. “This is going to be a long night.”

“It’ll only be that way if you already believe it is,” you counter. “Everything is fine. Just enjoy the meal, and we’ll be back up to the room soon enough.”

Unfortunately, you don’t yet have the ability to predict the future, so the night ends up being more uncomfortable than you anticipated it would. You maintain a polite manner with Joseph whenever he comes over to serve you two, but he does little things that seem to edge the line of “platonic,” like touching your hand or your shoulder a little too frequently. 

Taemin bites his tongue only because he doesn’t want to start an argument with the man and make you upset on your honeymoon, but he’s also irritated with seeing him touching you almost like you’d never broken up. Like he did when he used to parade you around as if you were a state fair prize.

As always, Joseph is there when Taemin has paid the bill and you’re both ready to leave, and Taemin grits his teeth when he gives you a parting hug as you stand up from the table. In Taemin’s perspective, his eyes linger too long on your form in your evening gown, and his hands take too long to separate from where they’re holding your arms. “Don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever feel like catching up, okay?”

You nod, feeling a little embarrassed because you know Taemin is fuming beside you, but you don’t want to be rude and cause a scene. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Joseph turns to Taemin and shakes his hand. “Nice to see you after so long, buddy. Take good care of her; you’ve gotten really lucky.”

Taemin squeezes his palm a little harder than what’s socially appropriate. If the other man notices this, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Taemin’s smile is fake and obviously doesn’t reach his eyes, but he forces one anyway.

You and Taemin leave the dining area arm-in-arm, though you feel he’s a little stiff beside you. You aren’t even sure what to say, still reeling from the situation yourself, though you do know you feel both guilty and irritated. “Look...I know that didn’t go very well. But please try to relax, Taemin. Honeymoons aren’t for being angry with each other.”

“You’re right. They aren’t. And yet...” Taemin’s tone is dry. “How can he be so bold? Hugging a married woman like that. He’s always been unbearable.”

“He was just...happy to see us! I don’t think he meant it as something deeper than that.”

“He was happy to see you,” Taemin argues. “He just wanted to get on my nerves. Do you really think it was normal for him to be touching you all night like that?”

You shake your head and sigh. “No, but what could I do? Throw a fit in the dining room and get kicked out? See, this is why I said you need to relax. Everything doesn’t need some overblown response.”

Taemin doesn’t heed your words, though; the ball is rolling now and you know it probably won’t stop. “Would you feel happy if it were the other way around?” he continues as you get on the elevator to go back to your floor. “I’m the one who’s married to you, yet I’m feeling like some kind of third wheel to all these men.”

“Okay, I get it. I wouldn’t be happy either, but none of this was my intention, Taemin.”

“I never said it was,” he sighs, and you get the sense that he’s frustrated you aren’t quite getting what he’s trying to convey. He doesn’t volunteer any more words after this, and you aren’t in the mood to try to pry further.

You’re both quiet for the rest of the ride up to your floor, with you having no clue what to say to rectify the mess and Taemin being too busy trying to sort out his own emotions.

When you get to the room, you decide to head for the shower alone—a contrast to the other times when you could barely peel Taemin off you this past week—and get ready for bed. You didn’t expect to be dealing with conflict during your honeymoon, but you guess it’s a first introduction to what married life will be like. You toss your shoes somewhere off to the side, sighing to yourself.

“Wait,” Taemin says as he sees you making a beeline for the bathroom. You glance back to him, though you keep half your body turned the other way, thinking he will try to continue arguing his point about why he’s upset. “I want to show you something.”

You hesitate for a moment, wondering what he could possibly be talking about. “Show me what?

Taemin steps closer, diminishing the space between you, and despite yourself, you're curious to see what he’s up to. You soon find out just what his plans are when he kisses you. You hesitate for a moment when you feel his lips on yours, but you eventually respond to the gesture.

Taemin’s hand goes to one strap of your dress and tugs it so it falls down your shoulder. You part from him for a moment to glance at the fallen strap. “Now you want to do this? After getting all worked up earlier?” you ask, raising your eyebrows at his action.

“I can get angry about it if I want; you’re my wife,” Taemin retorts, tugging you even closer to him by the fallen strap of your dress. You’d almost laugh at his statement in any other situation; you’re a little reminded of his normal childish antics he likes to indulge in, but he looks perfectly serious here.

“And you think I don’t know that?” you reply, looking at him with eyes that are both searching for some kind of resolution and burning with irritation.

“Of course you know it. You’ve known it everyday since I slipped the ring on your finger, since we began our honeymoon, and you’ll continue to know it for as long as we both live.” Taemin speaks in a voice that isn’t quite demanding but still firm enough to make his point crystal clear; like he’s trying to make you understand while still handling you with kindness. “You’re everything to me, and I want to be sure you understand that I love you more than any other man could.”

Though you wish you had some clever response, you don’t quite know how to reply to that, because it’s true. He’s yet to fail in reminding you of all those things, but you also know he feels like he must prove himself right now. So you simply nod and bring your hand to his neck so you can kiss him again, feeling his soft lips under yours.

As the kiss deepens, you use your free hand to slip the other strap off so you can begin sliding your dress off, but Taemin parts from you and stops your movements instead.

“Get on the bed,” he says, “on all fours.”

You do so, wondering what move Taemin will make next. He pushes your dress up a bit so he can pull your underwear off, dragging the fabric off your body slowly. You don’t know where he throws your underwear to, but he climbs up on the bed behind you after he does.

You wait in anticipation to see what he’ll do, feeling his hands ghost over your hips and ass; then there’s the drag of your dress up over your hips and to your lower back, baring you to him.

“This is all mine,” he says quietly, and you feel his breaths on your skin. You tremble at being able to sense his presence behind you but being unsure where exactly he is, and then you gasp at feeling his tongue pushing at your entrance. Taemin holds you still against his probing tongue as you moan and whimper softly, trying to keep your voice to yourself for a reason you’re not entirely sure of. Maybe because you’re still a tiny bit upset and don’t yet want him to know how good he’s making you feel.

Taemin sets out to change that easily, though. He lets go of one of your hips to add his fingers in, sliding them against your soft inner flesh and feeling you get wetter from the action. His tongue slides further down to your clit and caresses the little nub, circling it and curling around it delicately. It makes the back of your neck warm, along with the rest of your body; the heat spreads through you as if you’re catching fire internally. You dig your knees more firmly into the mattress and grip the sheets tightly, trying to keep yourself steady as Taemin works on you.

You eventually have to lower yourself to the bed a little more so you can keep yourself stable. Taemin takes advantage of the slight change in position to push his fingers into you at a different angle, drawing more weakened sounds from you.

You’re disappointed when he pulls his mouth away, though he only does it to speak. “You taste so good and look so pretty like this…all spread open for me.” When returns to eating you out, he does it with greater determination this time, succeeding in pushing you headfirst into your first orgasm of the night.

“Oh God, Taemin…” you gasp as your climax floods through you, overtaking you like an ocean wave or a strong gust of wind. He doesn’t stop there and keeps pushing you up that peak of pleasure until you’re stumbling straight into another orgasm, his fingers manipulating your body and his mouth refusing to let go.

You finally sink to the mattress when he lets you go and gives you a reprieve. And even in your muddled state, you notice how he slips his hand under your stomach, helping you lower yourself to the bed, his palm warm and firm against you.

Taemin strips your dress the rest of the way off as you shake from the aftershocks of your orgasms, and he lifts your hips up some so he can do so, as you’re a bit too boneless to cooperate at the moment. He removes his suit jacket after that and unbuttons his shirt, and that is when you finally get enough strength back to turn over and watch from him your spot on the bed.

“Look at you,” you murmur, “Do you really think I’d ever look for anyone but you?”

Taemin smirks, slipping his shirt to the floor. He unbuttons his slacks, but he doesn’t take them off just yet; instead he pulls your ankles to bring you to the edge of the bed, making you yelp in the process.

“Hmm. Doesn’t it feel good to be recognized by someone who loves you?” he responds, grasping your arms and raising you forward so he can scoop you up. You secure your legs around his waist so you can hold on, and he doesn’t seem to mind that you’re getting his pants wet by doing so. You think he might take you against the wall, but he carries you over to a chair and table within the suite’s sitting room, located beside one of the large windows. He sets you down on the table, though you’re a bit reluctant to separate from him at first.

“Recognized…” you repeat, and then realize his words might’ve had a double meaning. You watch with questioning eyes as he pulls one of the curtains back, revealing the city’s nightscape to you. “Have you lost it?” Your suite is high up enough that no one from the ground level or the buildings below will easily be able to see you, but you still feel a thrill of fear and excitement rush up your spine.

Taemin turns back to you, and his smile is mischievous. “Not at all,” he says, and pushes both his pants and underwear off without a second thought. “If you don’t want to, we can easily put the curtain back in place.” He moves as if he’s going to do just that, but you reach out to stop him.

“Uh, wait, you don’t have to…”

Taemin comes back over to you and holds your face in his hands, and his wedding ring is slightly cool against your cheek. He whispers, “How does it feel to know we’re exposed like this? No one can see us, but we can see everything below...we belong only to each other.” His member pushes against your thigh, smearing precum against your skin. He’s hot and hard against you, his cock poking ever closer against your inner thigh and teasing your lower lips but not entering yet.

“It’s…” You glance at the faint reflection of your figures in the window as he hovers over you, situating his arms so they’re braced on either side of your body. You swallow harshly, trying to find the words to describe it. “It’s...weirdly erotic.”

Taemin takes your chin between his fingertips, guiding you to look at him. “So you like being watched? Did it excite you to have so many people looking at you today? Your ex?” Taemin’s tip pushes more firmly at your entrance and slips in, making you gasp and grip the edge of the table.

You shake your head as sweat beads up on your skin. “I only want you, Taemin.” You lean back on the table to look up at him with your most sincere eyes. He groans at the sight of you looking so pliant and submissive for him.

Taemin grips your hips as he pushes the rest of the way in, and he’s gentler than you’d expect given his earlier anger. Still, his thrusts are slow but deep as he pulls your hips into his, and you tremble and sigh as he glides against your walls so smoothly. It’s like he’s marking himself inside you so you’ll never be able to get rid of him.

Your eyes drift over to the window again, eyeing the many smaller buildings beneath you and observing the shadow-like reflections of your bodies merging together. Maybe he was right, to some degree. You do like the feeling of being seen-but-not-seen like this, completely wrapped up in each other even though your activities aren’t totally private.

Taemin slides his tongue into your mouth and spreads your legs wider as if he can burrow himself within the tight grip of your body forever. You’re willing to find out if he can. Your desire is spurred on by the idea of your husband filling every space inside you and causing you both to blend into one whole being.

His hands touch you all over, flitting across your skin like butterflies. His eyes, though, settle squarely on your face, holding your gaze inside his own. Although you’ve seen his sharp expressions when he performs on stage countless times, now his stare is characterized by a certain tenderness and a soft gleam, which threatens to bleed over into you and color you with its pure affection. 

Seeing this look, you fully understand that there’s no hiding how much he loves you, no matter how mad or jealous he gets...which you already know well, but it’s always nice to have the confirmation.

Taemin comes before you do this time, filling your womb with the warmth of his release, and as lascivious as it is, it also makes you feel strangely comforted. You know he belongs to you, and you him. He gives you a tender kiss as if in apology—for coming first or for being mad, you aren’t sure—and his hand drops between your bodies to rub against your clit. Soon, you are coming too, wetting his softening length and moaning at how your body sucks him and his cum in deeper.

You are amused by his sudden change in mood after he’s satisfied and the agitation has completely left his body. He’s suddenly shy about having the curtain open and pulls it back hastily, reaching his hand backwards clumsily because he doesn’t want to pull out of you just yet. 

“Was that spur of the moment?” You giggle, looking at his pinkened face. You hold his cheeks like he did to you earlier, feeling the round lines of them shift in your palms as he grins.

“I’m sorry for acting like that earlier.” Taemin shifts his face in your hands so he can kiss your thumb.

“Oh, really?” You give him a skeptical look, but he chuckles and shakes his head.

“I’m serious.” He pauses and then says, “I love you so much. I don’t like it when we get upset with each other…the only thing I want to argue about is what color we’ll paint our future nursery, or what baby names we like best. We shouldn’t argue over things that don’t matter in the end.”

“Ah, you’re so sentimental.” But you only say this to take the edge off, not wanting to shed tears right now. Still, you wrap your legs tighter around him, overwhelmed by his declaration and feeling like your heart could burst from the excitement and love you feel at the idea of doing those things with him. “Tae...if only you knew how lucky I feel.”

Taemin grabs you by the backs of your thighs and picks you up again, and you know you’re probably making a mess of the floor with his cum dripping out of you, but you can’t be bothered with it now. His smile is nearly blinding. “Hmm, well, let’s go to the shower and you can start from the beginning…”

#taemin smut #taemin fluff #taemin angst #shinee fic #shinee fluff #shinee angst #shinee smut #taemin fic #taemin scenarios #taemin imagines #superm scenarios #superm imagines #superm fic #superm smut #superm fluff #superm angst #ambw #ambw scenarios #ambw imagines #ambw fic #ambw kpop #ambw smut #ambw fluff #ambw angst

[sendmyresignation]

In Defense of Teenagers:

Ok so. There seems to be a general consensus that Teenagers doesn’t fit on the black parade or that it ruins the trajectory of the album or that the song order of bp needs to be changed to fit the b-sides and drop Teenagers, or it should have just been a single- basically any option other than its inclusion between Sleep and Disenchanted would have been better. now, i’m not here to tell anyone that they’re wrong- i just want to offer an alternative perspective because i truly believe Teenagers is right where it belongs and that its inclusion on that album is, in my opinion, completely necessary to the album’s narrative arc. I want to focus on the way Teenagers builds into the foundation of the Concept Record, the way it bridges the gap between Sleep and Disenchanted so as not to delegitimize Disenchanted’s impact, and the fact that no other available material fits into the struggle the Patient endures at the end of the narrative (sorry this got LONG here’s a read more)

So, before we get into the meat of Teenager’s narrative significance, i wanted to briefly mention the way it makes Black Parade a more cohesive whole in relation to the material it is mimicking. Like Black Parade as an album is structured very differently from Pink Floyd’s The Wall- but it takes a lot of the same beats and recontextualizes them for a new purpose. Both records use war and relationship troubles and school and drugs to create an atmosphere that leads to disillusionment. In The Wall, this is quite literally the protagonist, Pink, building up “bricks in the wall” that isolates him from the rest of society and lead to a downward spiral into cynicism and hate. But Black Parade uses the same tools that The Wall does to say something different- things, specifically the actions you've made or the trauma you've endured, haunts you and makes your life seem insignificant in the face of what happens to you and those regrets are what causes the Patient to fall into a cycle of damnation and cynicism. This is representative of the Patient's descent through the afterlife- each new "layer" of the Patient's exploration is equivalent to a brick in The Wall's metaphor. Additionally, in this new context, this song in particular takes The Wall’s discussions of adolescence and the vice-grip control older generations attempt to force on teens and the disillusionment with the future and retells it from a new perspective- both literally in the fact the song is now more reflective of the 2000s post-9/11 and post-columbine culture, but its also literally from the perspective of the Patient as an adult. Teenagers, as a result, becomes a necessary piece of that puzzle- it is the refraction of Another Brick in the Wall repurposed to mean something new entirely- it’s no longer about kids being forced into complacency by a cruel education system from their own perspective (the children’s choir allows them to speak for themselves) but about the ways in which adults see those kids and why they decide to enact actions similar to those within The Wall. I mean even the imagery used in the song’s music video is purposely almost plagiarizing The Wall- it feeds into a separate analysis of the video and song outside the narrative as well- which i don’t have time right now to get into, its just very interesting that the band is bodily removed from their instruments at the end of the video and the teenagers in the audience have rendered them incapacitated (“they’re looking for a rockstar to kill” anyone?) it's the metaphorical tearing down of the wall from a completely different perspective. Anyway, the work Teenagers does for the narrative is it fits the album into the Concept Record Cinematic Universe- it is a piece that evokes the material it is influenced by to build off of the old to create the new- without it, the connections to The Wall would still be there, sure, but it wouldn’t be as complete- you cannot recontextualize the album without the foundation of Teenagers.

Teenagers is also, at its core, a subtle subversion of genre- using the blueprint of a specific kind of song to center the song within the timeline/narrative. In this case, the same way I Don’t Love You mimics and exaggerates the emotive and plaintive 80s rock ballad, Teenagers twists the classic rock of a bygone era to specifically call back on the stadium rock anthem.  Black Parade, on the whole, does this quite frequently- most of its songs take pre-existing genre cues and subverts them in ways that play off of the expected tapestry of a concept record to create individual sounding songs that seamlessly transition into one another yet remain entirely separate. It maintains their presence as scenes in a larger tapestry- specifically the fabric of the Black Parade being a morality play. This serves two purposes, it allows for this exaggeration of genre to become a motif within the work (see mama, cancer, house of wolves, i don’t love you, wttbp -> they all play with a different, varied song type/structure that is distinct from each other) and it plays off of existing genre-stereotypes in ways that contribute to the songs overall function. I Don’t Love You, for example, undermines the fundamental purposes of sappy power ballads- to express one of the two dualities of love songs: the cheesy unconditional “i will love you forever” types or the plaintive, melancholic end-of-relationship song by instead focusing on the complexity of a not-quite-finished relationship. The ballad then shifts from an expression of love to one of human loss- and the loss is less about the individual speaking, but moreso about what the other character has become - it’s a mourning not for the relationship, but for the person themselves, who they used to be in a way. It shifts from the one-dimensional view of what a ballad can achieve and instead infuses the anger, the resignation, the drama, the transformation- it humanizes a very stock genre full of platitudes and uses our expectations to create something more interesting. Similarly, Teenagers takes a tired genre and utilizes the working mechanisms of its typical song structure to subvert and repurpose those into commentary- its literally a stadium rock song that devolves into a chant. Looking at the loud drumbeat that resonates in your chest, the all together now as a command that lures the listener into singing along, the addition of more chorus vocals at the end like a crowd is shouting along, the screaming and the solo on after another like the song is falling apart a little bit, all of these elements build into a song literally meant to be infectious and replicated by the audience. Herein lies one of the songs many interpretations- humans can be easily influenced by the media they consume, the perspectives they are fed. What happens when the view that we have of adolescence is cloaked in mistrust and violence? This aspect of the song is less about the band reconciling teenagers being moved to committing acts of violence and more in analyzing how an audience can be persuaded into believing the erroneous view of teens as fundamentally destructive- are you not repeating the chorus? do teenagers not “scare the shit out of you”? Obviously the band doesn’t want you to believe this but it does what you to think about why this perspective is so common. It's a cultural subliminal message that is present in songs and tv and books that we simply do not question- it is a chant we cannot help but join in on. Teenagers is a replication of that process, but is clearly just subversive enough (both as a piece of genre and just as a song in general terms) that the listener knows its commentary and not itself propagating that viewpoint. Every song on Black Parade does this kind of “genre-bending” to make a point in some way or another, so it's a significant reason Teenagers fits into the albums cohesion.

But,Teenagers isn’t just important to the album in its sound- it lyrically parallels Disenchanted in a way that effectively moves on from Sleep without losing the album’s emotional momentum. Sleep, conceptually and lyrically, is a very heavy track- its influence from the Dune soundtrack’s Final Dream turn a cinematic, swelling piece of instrumentation into an oppressive blanket of noise that bears down on the listener and the lyrics are referential to the patient believing themselves to be irredeemable and monstrous. It's also inspired directly from Gerard’s vivid and violent night terrors during his stay at the paramour- including a recording of Gerard’s recollection of those dreams, that mentions being choked, seeing loved ones die, burning alive, etc. To transition directly from such a dark, personal subject into a reflective acoustic number about the narrator’s adolescence would be tonally inappropriate and almost laughable- it would stop the progression in its tracks, while also doing a disservice to Disenchanted. Having a break is necessary! And it's even more appropriate for that break to be a song about teenagers considering Disenchanted is so nostalgic. Additionally, Teenagers brings up a really interesting narrative thread about the Patient becoming disenchanted with the youth that then directly transitions into a song about him losing faith in his values and sense of self- they are directly correlated conceptually. Looking deeper, Disenchanted is a punk song. sort of. more specifically, it is the foundation of a punk song that becomes a ballad through narrative framing- it takes punk cliches (running from the cops, the crowds, the imagery of guillotining traitorous rich celebrities) and turns them wistful and sad because the Patient is looking back at something they no longer understand or identify with, it allows the narrative to illustrate how the Patient feels like their life was worthless and didn’t amount to much and they’re just another stupid punk kid who grew up and didn’t achieve anything. and you can’t get to this point from Sleep because it would weaken Disenchanted’s impact, make it seem insignificant and petulant in the face of Sleep’s heavy and grand sorrow. Lyrically, you need Teenagers to bridge the gap between the war metaphors and the visualizations of hell and the all-encompassing nature of cancer in order to redirect the focus to the Patient and limit the scope of the narrative at the end of the album. Teenagers, within the story, then functions as the Patient reflecting on the nature of youth and, in the wake of Mama’s “we all go to hell” rhetoric, comes to the conclusion that teenagers are wholly violent, easily manipulated, and unsympathetic. It's another step in the Patient removing his own agency and viewing his life as predestined at the same time it allows the “plot” to focus back on the more nostalgic and mundane aspects of the patient’s life. Doing so makes Famous Last Words so much more significant because it forces the Patient to reconcile with his past before he can move forward (whether that's living or dying its still applicable). so, Teenagers is very important to the overall “plot” of Black Parade- it is fundamentally necessary for the pieces to fit together.

Another larger aspect of Teenagers' importance is that it introduces the fate versus free will internal debate central to the ending fourth of the record. The song lays the foundation for this thematic idea by being about the fated violence of the youth and how they cannot help but to respond to their world with anger and cruelty. This realization about adolescence by the Patient leads to him perceiving his own youth as destructive and worthless and in following the themes of guilt/regret and damnation it's this violence that began his path to hell or his current state of suffering.  In that vein, Teenagers leads into the idea that your life is predetermined or that there is a destiny that we all have (in the Patient’s case its the absence of a future, or “a lifelong wait for a hospital stay”) and no matter what, you cannot fight that. While Mama gives a blanket statement about how "we all go to hell", Disenchanted centers the Patient's specific destiny by saying his whole life has led up to his illness and, looking further, there is the implication that life before that was retrospectively pointless. So, as previously mentioned, Disenchanted begins, structurally and lyrically, as a punk song- this sort of expression of youthful existence that, in any other song or under another faster instrumentation, would fit on some basement demo from 1986. But it doesn't stay that way, instead it actively subverts the genre it's cliches are lifted from- thinking specifically about “we ran from the cops” and the “roar of the crowd” that is juxtaposed with the change in structure  or theme. Namely, punk songs (speaking generally here) aren’t wistful because there isn't really a sense of legacy in punk music. There's history yes, but most songs are about the immediacy of emotion, not existential questioning. The retrospective nature and the shift into a ballad structure are elements reflective of a change in the main character brought on by the disillusionment present in teenagers from a punk kid to a dying young man looking back on the banality of youth and the hypocrisy, the trauma and the lack of agency. It's so much easier to think that nothing matters and the perspective makes it so much easier to give up.

This build from Teenagers into Disenchanted regarding the Patient's fate allows Famous Last Words to become an even stronger end because it's in direct opposition to that perspective. Famous Last Words is a song that screams fuck fate and fuck the past- the only thing that matters is moving forward. The image of the Patient keeping on whether he’s walking into the afterlife or continuing to stay alive as long as possible becomes something difficult, something he had to fight to achieve - he had to struggle to find a new understanding. That he can't be "afraid to keep living" or "going home" and that these are concrete actions, a use of free will. And that free will is very specifically defiant. Regardless of how you view the Patient's end, he makes the conscious decision to accept the present and move forward. We are not fated to die alone, nor is life worthless. Black Parade proves that the opposite is true, that we must grow to accept the value of life, and it's so much stronger having the Patient actively reject nihilism and apathy. Ultimately, Teenagers introduces the main thread of the final songs and without it, those songs would be narrative incomplete.

So, Teenagers has a valued place on the album sonically and within the narrative whole, that much is clear. But another reason that the album order of Sleep, Teenagers and Disenchanted is important is that none of the other material written for the album comes close to filling its place. In this case, I am going to be specifically talking about the b-sides since the demos are incomplete and we have no idea what the final version would have sounded like (but I would contend they don’t fit either). Beginning with the easiest song to discard from the narrative- My Way Home Is Through You has its moments in the lyrics but it's completely out of place musically- plus the tone is a little too hopeful for this point in the album which does not gel with Disenchanted’s hopelessness. It's also incongruent with the album since Disenchanted is effective as the only “punk” song on a record that plays with and explores genre and having this come before it would ruin the previously mentioned motif of each of the songs being individual and unique in form. Also, it really adds nothing to the fate vs free will theme- meaning its placement would weaken the disenchanted/flw combo ending. Moving forward, Kill All Your Friends seems to fit, considering its cynicism and nostalgia, but the bridge (“you’ll never get me alive, you’ll never take me alive, do what it takes to survive and I'm still here") doesn’t fit the Patient’s slow decent into apathy at all and contradicts Disenchanted’s loss of faith in the idea of living- it's too hopeful and centers survival and resilience in a way that makes it an ineffective substitute for Teenagers as a bridge song. And finally, Heaven Help Us is too religiously centered- it would refocus the fate vs free will discussion in the context of god/angels when that isn’t a theme in the album up to this point (hell is the grounded point of the album- the protagonist has already accepted their fate by Mama- having a reconciliation with a lack of faith or the absence of God seems completely out of left field when its just not an established part of the narrative) Black Parade is actually one of the mcr albums with the least references to god/angels in the heavenly religious sense- more centered around the human struggle against determinism: the usage of damnation is Catholic inspired but divorced from the division of hell vs heaven and is instead about guilt and worthiness and agency. The presence of angels or god or any divinity would simply weaken the narrative by expanding the album's focus outside its own limitations. Also, the Patient isn't ever a martyred figure, if anything he is purposely pathetic. Including any comparison of the Patient to Christ ("give you all the nails you need") or a saint unravels the key feature of the Patient's character: that he is insignificant. His insignificance and his struggles with his past actions make him a character who must find the strength to live through the guilt and pain to prove that everyone is worthy of life. The overarching purpose of Black Parade is emphasizing that no matter what we've done and how dirty we feel, we can move forward and either accept our afterlife or we can find value in being alive. Because of this contradiction, Heaven Help Us destroys the central theme of the entire album if it is included. With all of this in mind, it seems to me that the b-sides are their own nebulous thing- they don’t tonally fit on Black Parade (though I do think they fit together and are interconnected thematically) but any of them would break the flow since they seem angrier and gritter in a way that is noticeably absent and would be at odds with from a lot of Parade’s resignation. They also just do not complete the narrative, they are simple not as good as Teenagers at bringing all the pieces together.

If I still haven’t convinced you, a bonus reason Teenagers is a valuable memeber of the Black Parade tracklist, Ray was the only one who believed in the song- he called it genius (x) so listen to mr chemical romance himself telling you the song is Good and Important :)

anyway now you should, at the very least respect teenagers based on a couple thematic ideas expressed here, if not also understand why it’s imperative to black parade as an album, as well as the narrative itself. <3

#here she is. my teenagers manifesto. months in the making :') #this is the equivalent of getting on my biggest soapbox and screaming for hours please enjoy <33 #my posts #mcr assigned reading #my chemical romance #mcr #black parade

[my-happy-little-bean]

Bean’s Commission Corner ✨

hello pals! inspired by a previous impromptu commission (and also the fact that i’m now an Adult who must fund their own survival out in the wild), i have decided to open up some slots for commissions! 

in general, my commission rate is $7.00 USD / 500 words, with a base fee of $4.00 USD to pay upfront (though this will come with my proof of concept, often in the form of an outline – sort of like a makeshift contract, if you will). if there is any special exceptions (i.e. it’s a longer story, you want me to write a poem, etc.) we can negotiate that in our messages.

more detailed information can be found below! 

some things to have ready as we discuss your commission:

preferred length – more often than not, i’ll stick to your preferred length since it is directly correlated to the cost. however, i do tend to over-write (because i often enjoy the things i write lol), so if i find that i went over what we talked about and cutting things out would make the piece less good, don’t worry! that’s a bean freebie for you heh. this sort of stuff can be further discussed as the process continues! 

prompts/pairings – if you have anything in particular in mind, please tell me! i will include my will’s/will not’s below related to what content i’m comfy writing, but having a general idea of what you’d like goes a long way, and if you need any help brainstorming, i am here for ya!

publicity of post – i obviously won’t post anything i write for you that you wouldn’t want posted, though if you do want me to post the story, that’s perfectly fine! i will @ you and everything!

details details details – anything else that you’d like me to keep in mind as i write! i want you to be involved in the process too :))

i currently take payments through paypal, and i’ll give you all that necessary information as we talk it out! easiest way to contact me is to shoot me a DM here (i don’t get notifications for asks, so directly messaging me is preferred!) 

the fandom that i currently write for is the sanders sides fandom, but if you are interested in another fandom/want an original piece, we can also discuss that!

i’m comfortable writing pretty much any genre (definitely more in my element with hurt/comfort & romance stories, but i’m flexible!) or ship in the fandom. i am most in my element with contained one shots/short-story style writing (though again, we can discuss anything that is outside of those realms!)

i am not comfortable writing any explicit NSFW content (mild is fine, we’ll just have to talk about what you have in mind), incest/underage ships, and what i’ll call extreme angst (i.e. writing explicit details of suicide, self harm, etc.). 

if there is any content that you might think is considered triggering/sensitive topic, please let me know and we can discuss that. also you should note that while i am a queer person of colour, my perspectives of race, sexuality, etc. are inevitably limited, so please keep this in mind when suggesting certain themes/messages. 

and that is all! thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. if you’re not looking to commission me right now, a reblog would be very much appreciated!

if you are looking for examples of my writing, you can click here for a tumblr masterlist of all my works, or here to view my ao3! other examples of writing (for example, my original works) are available upon request. 

have a lovely day! :)

#taking commisions #sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #thomas sanders fic #original work #commission #writing commissions

[yurimother]

Interview: Shilin Huang, Creator of Amongst Us and Carciphona

Shilin Huang ( @okolnir​​ )is a Canadian freelance artist and comic creator, known for her long-running series Carciphona. She has a Bachelor of Music in Performance from the University of Western Ontario. Carciphona is a long-form fantasy story set in a world where demon-magic is forbidden. The series follows a young sorceress named Veloce, and the mythical assassin assigned to kill her, Blackbird.

Shilin’s newest book, Amongst Us, based on the webcomic of the same name, is an alternate universe comic that reimagines Veloce and Blackbird as musicians and girlfriends in the modern world. You can support the physical release for Amongst Us book 1 on Kickstarter today.

The first book of Amongst Us is coming soon. How do you feel about the release?

Eager and relieved!! I had worked for so long to make the web format viable for print format, as well doing all the extra drawings that were necessary--like covers--that I had to keep under wraps, it felt great to know that that part is finally done and I can release my child into the wild. I was very worried too before the launch of the Kickstarter, because though I am the one who made this story, I am not quite a slice-of-life type of person myself, and it was hard for me to see value in this mundane, not-plot-driven kind of story as a printed book. But I was very lucky to have that worry dispelled!

What drew you towards creating comics and artwork? Was it a dream of yours?

I’ve been drawing since before elementary school because I enjoyed it, and somewhere along the way, I wanted to create my own characters, and then I wanted stories for them. It was always just me doing what I felt like doing, more so than something that I aspired towards achieving consciously. If I had to analyze the allure myself, maybe it was because people and the world are so interesting, I’ve always loved thinking about their nature and circumstances, and art/storytelling was the best way for me to explore and share those thoughts.

Could you briefly walk us through your creative process for making a page of Carciphona or an episode of Amongst Us?

Carciphona is a long, plot-driven story, and so the scale of preparation required before the page eclipses the actual drawing of the page itself. [A] small moment has some larger impact in the plot, character development, and accuracy of world-building. So I usually spend about half a year or more writing out an entire volume, read it over many times over the course of the years, before I do the same thing with sketching the entire volume on the computer, rearranging pages and panels and entire scenes for best delivery, before I finally commit to drawing out each page in detail on the computer. 

Where Carciphona is like an elaborate set course where I chop up and measure ingredients and time their cooking with a careful game plan so everything can be served as they should, Amongst Us is more like an omelette that I’m making to taste. There is still planning and writing ahead of time, but each episode is much more self-contained, and I do more of the planning of the episode within the episode itself, adding and taking away details as I see fit before I feel like it reads naturally enough for me to fine line, colour, and paint.

You talk about being a self-taught artist, how did you learn to create artwork? What are some of your favorite educational resources?

While I did come across many tutorials, they were mostly short ones here and there made by my peers, so I don’t have any favourites in my mind that I can share ): . I learned by just looking at the art of my peers at the time and drawing a lot myself, thinking about what I could learn from each time I see something great, and what I could try next time to make the next drawing look better to me. When I had just started drawing digitally, the internet was quite new, drawing tablets expensive and uncommon, with no social media to share art or find resources. Over time, I did try to learn more properly by doing studies and seeking out professional tutorials, but I found that I hated it and decided that I’d rather learn and make mistakes at my own pace and be happy than to commit to effective and efficient learning and make myself dislike drawing.

Amongst Us is, of course, an Alternate Universe comic featuring characters from Carciphona. What inspired you to put your characters into a GL slice of life work?

Back in 2006, when I started drawing Carciphona, I had no plans of this frenemies dynamic for the two main characters, Blackbird and Veloce, and when the thought had occurred to me as I continue to tweak the story, canon GL relationships were still rare and rarely accepted. I was even told on many occasions by readers that they hope the two do not end up with some couples dynamic, or they will no longer be interested in the story. Ultimately, Carciphona was a fantasy story about an entire world, and I wasn’t going to risk the story’s reception over a small detail like whether or not Blackbird and Veloce sleep together, so I just played with the ideas of their relationship on the side, in paintings of many different AUs. Eventually, all that did was make me become so attached to the idea that I decided to say, screw it, I need someplace where they could be together, and I’m drawing an AU for real.

Where do you draw inspiration from for your work? Both Amongst Us and Carciphona.

I love a lot of things, feelings, aesthetics, and I eat up all of that and take it back out in the form of my stories. The inspiration is everywhere, from beautiful imagery I witness in pictures and in real life, to [the] lives of people that I hear about or experience firsthand, to the ethics and structures of professions from mechanics to medicine… In feelings, knowledge, and perspective, there’s an infinite amount of things that makes me think, and that thinking is what creates AU and Carciphona, whether or not that line of inspiration can be clearly drawn back to the root of the thought.

What are some of your biggest challenges or fears creating Amongst Us? Was there any realization or advice that helped you overcome those difficulties?

My biggest fear is always in relatability because it’s a difference between me and the reader that I do not and cannot have a solution for because it involves another person. In such a relatable genre as slice of life/comedy/romance, where the readers have more experience and therefore more varied but stronger expectations of a version of life that is relatable to them, I know that even if somehow I become a master writer, I still would not be able [to] say whether I could story that others would get or would be interested in, especially because I am aware I am an oddball when it comes to how I think, how I live, and what I value. What helped me the most was simply seeing that there were readers who did enjoy the stories for what it was, and reminding myself that I’m telling the stories to find those who might enjoy it, not to avoid those who might not. It’s a different perspective, rather than a solution, so the worry constantly resurfaces, but I hope it becomes easier over time as I am proven wrong more often!

Amongst Us readers have gotten to see Veloce and Blackbird as an established couple, and now we are witnessing flashbacks to how they first met. Where do you hope to take the series in the future?

I intend to tell both of these timelines concurrently, so as the couple timeline ended at episode 20, I intend to end the flashback at around episode 40, and then switch again at episode 60, and so on. While this kills the momentum for each arc, I made AU so that I can have the cake and eat it too--I want both their back story and a happy ending at the same time without having to wait 10-20 years for it, like I do with Carciphona’s plot haha!

What is one dream or aspiration you would like to accomplish? Even if it is unrealistic.

My only dream right now is just to finish both Carciphona and AU before my time’s up! Funny how unrealistic is specified, it made me realize that I rarely consider unrealistic dreams/aspirations as worth thinking about as they are unlikely to happen when there are so many other things I want to do that are actually possible. Most of my unrealistic dreams actually revolve around music, a profession I had left behind with an aching heart. I dream to play a concerto with an orchestra someday, or even learn to conduct, but for now, drawing my dreams out feels enjoyable and fulfilling enough a compromise!

What advice do you have for people wanting to create artwork and comics?

The true challenge these days I feel like is rarely in the work itself; there are so many readily available free resources that anyone who is capable of working hard and thinking critically will sooner or later be able to master skills they acquire to some degree. What is truly challenging is finding, and then accepting, what paths work for you. Someone might find great joy in working in a studio with a group on something big, while someone else might only enjoy drawing what they feel. Both, in this current climate, will be compelled to adhere to the standards of drawing what others want to see in order to gain recognition and financial stability, one will thrive, one will not. 

I think the most important thing to keep in mind is understanding what you want out of drawing/creating, and why. Understanding yourself is often not as straight-forward as it may seem, everyone has different circumstances that subtly motivates them to sometimes misdirect energy and misinterpret what it is they truly want. Some people need to be understood, some people want an excuse to execute, and some people want fame, money, recognition, validation. Whatever it is, and all valid, understanding and accepting your own motivations to create can tremendously help you find the path forward that is suitable for you, not anyone else, even if it might mean following an impractical path that no one else recommends.

Finally, after the release of the first Amongst Us book, what is next for you? Anything special your fans can look forward to?

My game plan through the decades has always been to just keep going. I did choose long-form projects such as the comics that I draw, and the best thing I can do is to just keep it up and reach those exciting points of the story that I’ve always worked towards, no matter how uneventful that may make my work routine sound. However, I do have a little side thing with a(nother) recurring theme that I’ve been doing here and there for fun whenever I had time, people who keep up with my social media art posts may have noticed. If I ever accumulate enough material, maybe there will be some bonus snacks for my readers on the horizon!

Read Carciphona and Amongst Us online now and be sure to support the physical release on Amongst Us book 1 on Kickstarter today. Also, be sure to follow Shilin on Twitter @Okolnir.

#yuri #news #essay #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #queer #gay #shilin #girls love #gl #wlw #essays #interview #art #artist #comics #indie #carciphona #amongst us