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#like that blog and dodie were my life at one point and I’m thankful for the community and the friends and I needed it at the time
lesbalisious · 3 years
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Going through super old tags is giving me such flashbacks to like 2016/2017 (and prior on my dodie blog, only ogs will remember) when I used to constantly post about personal stuff,,, it was fun but also there are so many gross selfies of me on this site now lol
#I had fun on this blog about myself personally#on the dodie blog not so much but that was because I was going through a BAD time and I had so many people following me to watch it happen#lol#oh to be 14 and clinically depressed d#if we’ve been mutuals for a very long time then you may also know me as doddlepoddle lol#I deleted and made this blog and have avoided dodie at all costs since because it hurts my soul too much to think about#like that blog and dodie were my life at one point and I’m thankful for the community and the friends and I needed it at the time#but good gosh that was not a healthy fixation and now even the thought of dodie sends me right back to being#15 heartbroken lonely depressed and in high school lol oops#but I love this blog so much more now bc it’s just shits and giggles and pretty stuff#and now I’ve got fun new mutuals :) than I love :)#I’m looking at u Otto in particular (not that you’ll read these lol) thanks for buying those stuff from my Etsy#you basically paid for my antibiotics that I couldn’t afford lolllllllll#idk man I’m having a day of reflection and looking back and I’m in the best place physically and mentally than I’ve ever been right now#I lost sight of that for a couple of weeks but my brain is never gonna be perfect so that’s always gonna happen#I just have to keep reminding myself <3#also rewatching buffy <3 my beloved and gotta tell you I’m having so much fun#I’m gonna talk to my dissertation supervisor to see if I can talk about it in my dissertation because I think it would link rly well#I’m doing that way horror has helped to create a queer identity#being gay and ‘other’ are synonymous and vampires have always been fruity#and there’s so many times where#gay is in buffy not even just Tara and willow ya kno I just love it
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Thanks for tagging me @insaneinsecureintrovert I haven’t done one of these in literal years so this will be a time 
Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊
1. Name/Nickname: Nicole
2. Gender: Female
3. Star Sign: Pisces
4. Height: 5′7 or 5′8 I’m honestly not sure what my exact height is anymore 
5. Time: 12:21
6. Birthday: 19/03/01
7. Favorite bands/groups: I do not know, I tend to just listen to one album/playlist on repeat for months until I change to the next one, at the moment it’s the Rocketman soundtrack (which has been a regular since it came out) and Olafur Arnald’s music but the Falsettos 2016 revival soundtrack has also been a big one
8. Favorite solo artist: Same as above but I have been a dodie fan for years now and also I really liked Lewis Capaldi’s album so I’m gonna say him as well 
9. Song stuck in my head: ‘Revolting children’ from Matilda and ‘you could drive a person crazy’ from Company have been going around my head for a few days now
10. Last Movie: Stadust
11. Last Show: I’m currently watching Sense8 and Pushing Daisies so one of those two
12. When did I create this blog: April 2015
13. What do I post: Just whatever I’m vibing with when I scroll through my dash honestly
14. Last thing I Googled: "Mads Mikkelsen The Door” because I had just watched HideoTube ep6 (I was watching Mads videos) and they were going through Mads’ filmography at one point and that was one that I haven’t watched but they really liked so I was googling it to see what it was about 
15. Other blogs: I have a Carry On sideblog @carryontrash and I either have a very regular queue going on and keep up with it or just reblog like 15 things at once every 2 weeks, currently it’s the latter mood 
16. Do I get asks: No, I used to get more but I rarely post things about myself and honestly I’m kinda glad that I don’t 
17. Why I chose my URL: I have curly hair and I love books and at 14 that sounded like a good url, now I’m emotionally attached so it’ll never change 
18. Following: 2906 (a large amount are inactive or post things I am not currently interested in but I don’t have the time or effort to go through them all and unfollow those ones so this is just how it is) 
19. Followers: 933
20. Average hours of sleep: Probably around 8, I’m still permanently tired though 
21. Lucky number: 19
22. Instruments: Flute and Piano, I don’t play much anymore but I do still enjoy them
23. What am I wearing: An oversized light pink jumper and jeans
24. Dream job: I have absolutely no idea still and am at an age where that is starting to become an active problem in my life
25. Dream trip: I’d like to go back to Switzerland sometime but other than that maybe just America whenever I can go next to see my family there who I obviously haven’t seen in a while
26. Favorite food: Honestly just a big fan of bread and butter, that’s probably not it but I cannot be bothered to think of another better answer right now
27. Nationality: British and American
28. Favorite song: I simply do not have one, there are too many to choose from for any single answer to be accurate
29. Last book I read: I’m currently re-reading the Shadow and Bone series in preparation of the show and am on Ruin and Rising, as I have only read it once like 4 years ago whereas I’ve read soc 4 or 5 times so thought I should probably re-read so that I actually remember the events of the books when watching
30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: None??? 
Tagging: @dimplesgf @sleep-is-my-lover @overratedgryffindor @st-markseve @drowningfandoms
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a-cai-jpg · 4 years
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I feel like this is to assure myself and no one else.
It has recently come to my attention that real people actually read this blog. 
That sounds a little stupid, given that I religiously advertise it on both Snapchat and Instagram, but there was a part of me that assumed it would fly over the heads of most (see: all) people. And it's inherently contradictory, but I did not think a Real Person would take time out of their lives to read my utterly irrelevant musings.
I am terribly grateful to my friends and then some for deeming me important enough to click into this site. I am thankful for their validation when they don't just do it silently, lurking amidst the sans serif. One quoted my own words back at me in ALL CAPS, another sent me a video zooming in on my disgruntled face on the sidebar, and more mention it casually in passing conversation, jolting me into the reality that yes, this is A Thing.
But as I laid in bed and typed up the post two days ago, I'm suddenly reminded of why I rarely made my writing public.
I sound like an ungrateful little shit, and I'm truly happy whenever someone mentions The Thing (i just don't like the word blog), and I want to share The Thing with the world because it's a little scary thinking about how all your time and effort and words and emotion could be lost somewhere in the void, like an unread letter that's wandered off the post-trail, but.
Writing digs into the most vulnerable flesh of your heart and mind. I recently saw a quote, "We are writers, my love. We don't cry, We bleed on paper." And there are variations of this quote from others: "I don't think all writers are sad. I think it's the other way around: all sad people write;" "I didn't write it down to build a poem. I wrote it down because that is what I do with the things that unravel me. I drag them across a page."
I don't mean for this to take a maudlin turn, but writing is a salve for aches in the soul. I'm by no means a writer, but I like to think I write (s/o to my soulmate, jackson wang, who said, "i'm not a rapper...i just rap). And sometimes, sharing what I've "dragged across the page" is turning my skin inside out.
I'm definitely more comfortable with sharing my vulnerability through words on a sheet of paper (or words on a WordPad document) than through words spoken to another Real Person. 
In my junior year of high school, I sat in a hotel room in Sacramento with words stuck behind my clenched teeth. It was the most peculiar feeling, like if I loosened my jaw, I would vomit the words from my chest and they would tumble off the bedsheets and onto the floor, staining the hotel carpet. But the tension never snapped, and I scrawled them onto a torn sheet of paper instead.
Even now, I express the deepest parts of my emotions through letters. I think a large part of it is because I don't want to see the emotions unfold on someone's face. It's not that I don't want to see them, but I don't think I--this emotionally constipated individual--am capable of responding to them in a way that's not, "Uh. Yeah. Okay. Lol bye." And I feel like that's just not appropriate or sufficient in some circumstances. Better to just avoid the potentially awkward situation.
(yes this is not the most mature way to deal with emotions but spare me the lecture.)
And so, when I am writing, and not saying words at someone's face, I pull out the most intimate intricacies of my heart and twist them into phrases and sentences. And I like to do it without a filter.
But when I was writing these past few days, I was conscious of an audience. I began crafting sentences through the lens of what would this specific person think of this and oh my god what if this person reads this and fuck it ok just kidding we can't just fuck it sos. It was a dangerous balance between editing and re-editing and declaring, "Fuck the world, I write for me, and I'm going to write recklessly and with abandon."
This the main crux of the problem: there is me, the person that you know and talk to and maybe have grown up with, and then there is me, the person who spits words out onto The Thing. And sometimes the two me's mesh perfectly like a pattern overlaid on another to produce an image, and sometimes they don't. 
It's kind of like when you go clubbing with a childhood friend for the first time, and you've only known them as the youth group-going, favorite child of all Asian parents, and then y'all are in the club and damn okay they just took seven shots in a row. 
(I'm not speaking from personal experience.)
There is a moment of reckoning when you try to reconcile two facets of a person.
(Or maybe this is a me problem, but bear with me here.)
A few months ago, I took a trip with two of my closest friends to San Diego, to visit the college town where one of them spent four incredibly formative years. It was fun and beautiful and very, very disorienting, because in my egocentric point of view, I had forgotten that we lived these four years separately. Suddenly, he was introducing to me a different life, a different history that I wasn't part of, and I couldn't help but feel like I was sitting in the passenger seat of a stranger's car, listening to a crude imitation of a familiar playlist.
The feeling began somewhere on the 5 freeway, when he navigated the unfamiliar lanes with a practiced ease, and swelled as the sun set and he told stories about Mount Soledad and him and his friends.
And it was weird, because I felt like an intruder, even though I had been invited into his memories, and the unease took shape as silence and stilted words until he asked, "Are you okay? You seem weird." And the feeling was spilling onto the back of my hands as I gripped the skirt of my dress, but I couldn't beat it into words, so I unclenched my fists and fastened my seatbelt and choked out a, "Nah, I'm just tired."
I think I'm still in the process of working through this reckoning. It doesn't happen for all of my friends, and it's not always so discomforting. Sometimes, I scroll through Instagram pages with a sort of curious hunger to fill the years I’ve missed, and other times, I take the new information, file it as: Yeah okay, I could've predicted that. But then, there are the times where I can only search someone's face in silence, lump in my throat as I rewind our histories and try to find where one of them snagged and became out of sync.
The different facets of the self should, all in all, unveil the most authentic self. The more you get to know a person, the more you really know a person. I imagine it like you're building a three-dimensional sculpture, and with each new piece of information, you add another bit of plaster to it. Yet, I sometimes lose sight of what I'm trying to build, and when I see the blueprint again, I realize I've veered wildly off course. It's scary, every time I run into a moment like this, because it's like the person I knew, the friend I've had for a decade, was actually just someone I created in my mind, a person who overlapped at the edges with the Real Person, but ultimately, were not the same. And when the illusion disappears, I'm left with a stranger.
I'm exaggerating, but.
I'm a little scared this is what you will feel as you read this. I'm scared there will be no separation between the writer and the writing, and although writing reveals the deepest, most intimate parts of a person, is it really the authentic self? It's only a slice, a slice I had cut with carefully chosen words.
So I want to assure you, if you are someone like me who thinks they view the world on a wide-angle lens but really, only through a slit, and you are someone like me who reels when the cover is yanked away and you're left staggering through the new vista, that every sentence is a part of me, but who you know and who you talk to and who you message is a larger piece of me. And maybe we will never get to know each other fully, because that kind of privilege is saved for but a few, that doesn't make either of us any less authentic.
I sometimes wonder what character development looks like in the real world. When I was a sophomore in high school, I cringed so hard when my favorite English teacher tried to use my essay as an example in class that he almost immediately pulled it out from underneath the Elmo projector and used someone else's. In freshman year of college, I wanted to join a creative writing club, but after realizing that I wouldn't be able to submit my work for peer-editing anonymously, I banished that notion. Yet, for some reason, in my senior year, I decided I wanted to take a fiction writing course. On the day of my first workshop, my hands shook so much that I had to sit on them to stop trembling.
In the beginning of the class, I, myself, had a very difficult time separating the writing from the writer. I think especially in an intro class, students use facets of their own life to create fiction. I think even advanced writers do the same, because ultimately everything you write is you. And I did my fair share of speculation--why did she write about a sibling rivalry does she have a sister, hey did this guy study abroad in hong kong with you because he wrote about that, and huh i wonder if she grew up in florida this is beautiful.
It's the kind of speculation we do with the Greats. Did Shakespeare write Hamlet for his son, Hamnet? Who was Sonnet 18 written for? Was Shakespeare gay? Because see, in this one bit, he wrote.....
(i was a very bored AP lit student ok)
It's the same kind of speculation my friend did when she finished listening to a new song by Crush and said, "Oh, he must be dating." Or the speculation all the YouTube comments had when Jon Cozart and Dodie Clark released duo songs titled "Tourist: A Love Song from Paris" and "a non love song from nashville." It's the kind of speculation you do when you are given a slice of someone's soul, and suddenly, you want to understand the whole thing.
But that kind of scrutiny is uncomfortable. We're okay with doing it to Shakespeare, because the dude's dead. We're okay with doing it to big name artists because hello, Crush is not going to hear my friend talking about him. We're less okay with doing it in the public realm of YouTube comments because they are read by the content creators who explicitly said, "pls don't speculate." We are even less okay with doing it to our peers, and we are not okay with other people doing it to us. Okay, maybe I should just speak for myself.
My trajectory in that fiction writing class was backward. My first story was about a white male living in New Jersey. My last story was about a Chinese American woman who used to live in the suburbs of Los Angeles.
It wasn't planned.
It's as if my subconsciousness drew up barriers the minute I stepped into that classroom, and wrote a story as far removed from who I am as possible. 
Because really, who is going to think that the gas jockey with a hunger for divine power is me?
(sike.)
But I guess character development is becoming okay with vulnerability and with potential speculation, and as I wrote, I began writing closer and closer to the heart, pulling the words from the east coast to the west.
When the last workshop rolled around, I was calm, sitting at one of those awful, plasticky chairs with tiny, useless desks attached to one arm. I was neither defensive nor uncomfortable, like I thought I would be, just at peace and humbled as I listened to my classmates discuss the craft of my writing.
And I think that's the ultimate lesson: once you write something, or create something, and release out into the wild, it no longer belongs to you. It's an argument I used to make in my art history class, but it's an argument that John Green often makes when his readers ask him about the meaning behind his books.
I don't quite mean it like he does, when he says, "Books belong to their readers." I think that before the writing is consumed by the reader, it is its own entity, existing independently of both writers and readers. And when it is eventually taken up by the reader, the writer shouldn't feel a sense of possessiveness or vulnerability or fear about the content.
And shit, that really fucks up my other thing about trees falling in forests but anyways.
There are a load of other things I have to consider when suddenly, the dumb spools of thoughts in my brain become free content for the Internet. Like, privacy rights? Am I allowed to talk about this one thing my unnamed friend said, but wait, you can definitely tell who it is, oh fuuuuuu-. At what point is it oversharing? Do I get to decide the line between okay and TMI, or does me declaring that I am writing this for myself mean there is no line?
But, in the end, I just want to say thank you.
I’m really used to, as I’m sure many people are, presenting just one facet of my whole self to people. Every individual has a number of different roles, and each role comes with its own set of rules and norms. The sociological part of me says that this discomfort I’m feeling has a lot to do with the breaking down of norms. There is a certain playbook people go by when they lower their barriers, but this circumvents that.
And honestly, maybe I’m just thinking too much into it and all of this is for naught, but it was cathartic writing this all out, even if I had to take two very lengthy breaks to get my thoughts in order.
(just kidding, one of them was to watch Kingdom season 1).
There are so many things I am grateful for, and I fear that in the past week, I have been battling bad vibes and have forgotten how incredibly privileged I am.
So, here is List 16 of The 52 List Project (that my friend made me start legit in 2016 and I'm still on list 17)
List 16: List your Essentials 1. Family & Friends ✔ 2. Affirmation & Love ✔ 3. Achievement ✔ 4. Happiness ✔ 5. Hope & Dreams ✔ 6. Phone ✔ 7. ID/Card holder ✔ 8. Plush blankets ✔ 9. Stuffed animals ✔ (so many!) 10. Inspiration from a boy on skates ✔ (see: hope & legacy) 11. Good music ✔ (i gotchu fam, here's ur r&b fix) 12. Good books ✔ (go check out a book)  13. Good conversations ✔ 14. Thoughts ✔ 15. Creativity ✔ 16. Music ✔ 17. Possibilities ✔
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With Great Power - Chapter 4
Title: With Great Power – Chapter 4
First Chapter | Previous Chapter | AO3
Fic summary: Thomas Sanders is just a regular social media personality. But when he gets bit by a spider during filming one of his YouTube videos, his whole life is about to turn upside down—whether he (or the aspects of his personality) want it to or not. Platonic LAMP/CALM + Character!Thomas. Spider-Man AU.
Chapter Word Count: 3377
Chapter warnings: mention of death, panic attack, lying, cursing, nausea, dizziness, risky and unsafe behavior (and encouragement of it)
A/N: Hi hello it’s been too long. But the Big Deal Real Life Time Sucking Thing has been turned in and hopefully I will have some more free time on my hands. ^u^ This chapter had some surprises for me as a writer, so I hope you find it enjoyable! Edited by yours truly, so all mistakes are mine.
Tags: @captain-loki-xavier, @human-dictionary @the-peculiar-bi-tch @mining-pup @band-be-boss-blog @asexual-trashbag @samathekittycat @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @theobsessor1 @always3charcoaltea @changeling-ash @logical-princey @crimsonshadow323 @flickering-raven @smokeyrutilequartz @dontbugmeimantisocial @soijusthavetoask @marvelfangeek09 @princelogical @creativenostalgiastuff @vigilantvirgil
Later that night, Thomas lays on his bed in the dark and stares up at the flat ceiling of his bedroom. Dodie’s newest EP floats through the air softly—he’d turned it on with the perhaps hypocritical hope that listening to his friend’s music would help him feel better about avoiding, well… his friends.
Once the news started showing stills of him in his scarf and sweatshirt—most of them mercifully blurry—with the anchors musing about who the stranger may be, Thomas had switched off the TV. He really wished they’d focus more on the kid, or even the guys that tried to take him. Anything but their apparent crusade to identify “Spider-Man”.
Turning off the TV, unfortunately, did very little to assuage the churning in his stomach. The events of the day flashed through his mind in broken fragments. The woman crying out for her kid, the wide and fearful eyes magnified by the glasses on the kid’s nose looking at him through the rear windshield, the snarl of contempt from the driver of the vehicle…
Thomas sighs and scrubs a hand across his eyes. The alarm clock on the nightstand politely informs him that it’s nearly 2 in the morning. He wonders bitterly if there is anything more frustrating than being utterly exhausted and still unable to sleep. His body feels like lead but his mind is still running through the events of the day like a highlight reel.
“This isn’t working,” he mutters aloud to himself. He takes a breath as if it will ease the churning in his stomach. Closing his eyes, he reaches through his mind with the probing thought.
Virge?
A sigh that isn’t exactly Thomas’s own echoes in his head. Yeah, Thomas, comes Virgil’s voice, sounding unsurprised. One sec.
The host opens his eyes again and blinks at the ceiling that he’d been stuck to just earlier this morning. Was that really just this morning? It felt like a lifetime ago. Dodie’s “Monster” gives way to “Arms Unfolding” but it’s little comfort alone in the dark. A moment later, Thomas hears the familiar whoosh and glances over to see Virgil standing beside his bed. His hood is pulled up over his purple hair and his hands are shoved deep into the pockets of his patched hoodie.
It’s hard to see his eyes in the dark under the hood and shaggy bangs, but from the slight duck to his head, Thomas knows he’s avoiding his gaze.
The internet personality sits up and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I’m getting the feeling that you need to talk.”
Virgil lifts a noncommittal shoulder. “Logan already tried.” He nudges sock-clad feet against the Virgil 2.0 sweatshirt in a heap on the floor. Tension is etched carefully into every crevice of Virgil; evident, even in the dark.
Thomas looks at him patiently, shifting over slightly to make room. “Today was a lot.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil snaps. His gaze flickers up to the vacated space on the bed. He sits gingerly on the very edge of it, as if he’s ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.
“So talk to me.”
Another long pause. It’s filled only with the soft, melodic sound of Dodie’s voice and the background whir of the apartment’s AC unit. The glow of the alarm clock’s red numbers does little in the way of light, and the darkness of the room so late at night seems to only amplify the silence between them. It stretches. For a moment, Thomas thinks Virgil isn’t going to say anything.
Then: “We could have actually, really died today.” Virgil’s words ring crystal clear and heavy in the dark. With it comes a tightening in Thomas’s chest. Virgil continues, the double vocalization leaking into his words. Amplifying them. “And don’t come at me with that ‘cognitive distortions’ crap. Not this time, Thomas. You know I’m right.”
Thomas can feel his heartbeat picking up in his chest and he takes in a deep breath through his nose. He holds it for a second, then releases it slowly through his mouth. He sees Virgil close his eyes as Thomas does it again. Virgil nods a silent thanks.
“But we didn’t,” Thomas replies softly as he feels the wave of panic brought on by that initial realization abates a little.
Virgil scoffs. “That’s kind of beside the point. We were in way over our heads.”
“But it turned out okay in the end.”
“Because we got lucky!” Virgil meets Thomas’s gaze for the first time tonight, his dark eyes cutting sharply through the space between them. “In fact, we got lucky a lot today. Lucky that we stuck to the car. Lucky that we caught the kid when he was about to faceplant into pavement going 45 miles per hour. Lucky that we got off the car when we needed to, that the driver didn’t have a gun or something, that nobody got a decent picture of you. The list goes on!”
Thomas is quiet for a moment, looking at Virgil carefully. At the tight clench to his jaw, the harsh glower from under his bangs, the aggression sketched into the edge of his stare. Thomas softens a little. “You’re right,” he says, and Virgil blinks at him, disarmed at the agreement. “We dove headfirst into a fight that wasn’t really ours in the first place.”
Virgil nods slowly. “Yeah…”
“So…Why?” Thomas tilts his head curiously as he asks.
Virgil arches an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”
The host sits up a little more, speaking as his thoughts come to him in a slow progression of understanding. “I mean… you’re my fight or flight, right? You said so yourself.”
Virgil rubs the back of his neck and averts his gaze again, favoring instead to focus on a picture of some of Thomas’s friends he’d had framed on his nightstand. “Right. I… I guess.”
Thomas is watching him closely as the thoughts begin to click into place. “If the fight wasn’t ours in the first place, if we were in way over our head, if the odds were most likely against us… why did you choose fight, Virgil?”
Virgil looks startled for a moment. “I…” the thought is left unfinished.
He huffs a breath and shoves a hand back through his hair. It knocks the hood off his head. Virgil doesn’t seem to notice or has decided he doesn’t care. Thomas doesn’t press him any further. Even in the dark, he can see the flicker of his eyes as he thinks back to that split-second decision.
“Because they were in danger,” Virgil says quietly. Simply. His eyes are abruptly wide. Afraid. “I didn’t think. They were danger, and I just… threw us headfirst into a fight we could have lost.” Thomas feels his chest seize suddenly, alarm surging up his throat as Virgil’s voice takes on a sudden and intense distortion. “You must hate me.”
“Whoa, whoa. No.” His breathing is getting faster. Thomas’s hands fist around the blanket across his lap as if it will ground him. “Virgil, you gotta—” His throat closes up with panic.
“I know! I know. I’m sorry, I—in for four seconds, Thomas.”
Thomas screws his eyes shut and focuses on his breathing. In through the nose for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, out through the mouth for eight. Repeat. Repeat again. Repeat a fourth time. He can hear Virgil breathing slowly with him.
“I don’t hate you,” Thomas says after a few minutes, when he’s felt his heart slowing back down and his throat doesn’t feel as tight. “I’m… actually really proud of you.”
Virgil’s eyes flit back up to Thomas’s. “Yeah?” The distortion is gone, but Virgil sounds smaller somehow.
Thomas smiles faintly. “Yeah. I mean… us running towards danger to help someone else instead of away from it? I’ve always wanted to think that I’d be that kind of person.” He nudges Virgil’s shoulder with his foot. “Now I know I am.”
The corner of Virgil’s mouth quirks for the briefest moment, then it disappears. He looks away. “I’m supposed to protect you, Thomas,” he says. “Running you straight into a fight isn’t exactly keeping you from harm. It’s pretty much exactly the opposite of that.”
“I don’t know about that,” Thomas says gently, thinking back through moments of the fight in the parking lot. His muscles ache slightly from the memory, but something more important sticks out. “I seem to remember a voice sounding an awful lot like yours telling me to duck before I would’ve taken a fist to the face.”
Virgil snorts. “Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck and glances at Thomas. He makes a face. “Honestly that was a little weird, right?”
“Weird?”
“Yeah. I mean… I don’t even know what made me yell that at you. I just had this sudden, intense feeling that you needed to duck. I didn’t know why.” He shakes his head and shrugs. “It was weird. But I’m kinda glad for it. A bloody nose isn’t exactly a becoming look on you.”
“Huh.” Thomas turns Virgil’s words over in his head for a moment. “Do you think it’s related to all the other, um… weird stuff?”
Virgil looks at him. “I don’t know. It might be?” He sighs. “Though ‘all the other weird stuff’ also hasn’t been helping with the whole…” He waves a hand vaguely.
Thomas huffs a suddenly exhausted laugh, not needing any further explanation from his Anxious Side. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I get what you mean. We don’t know what’s happened to me, or… even what I’m able to do. And that’s…”
“Unsettling,” Virgil finishes for him. Thomas nods.
Distantly, the internet personality hears a car roll by on wet pavement down the street outside of his apartment. His eyes drift around the room, lingering on the corner of his room by the closet. The same place he’d managed to get himself stuck to the ceiling. Maybe figuring some way to have better control—to not stick to walls and ceilings unless he wanted to, like when he stuck to the car—and exploring these new… abilities (powers? Thomas doesn’t know what to call them) would help.  
“Maybe tomorrow,” Thomas says carefully, “we can go… experiment a little. In a controlled environment.”
Virgil’s lips quirk up into a smile. “You sound like Logan.”
Thomas laughs and runs a hand down his face. “Yeah. It’s probably his idea. But what do you think?”
Virgil nods once. “I think it’s a good one.”
“Good.” He pauses as Virgil pushes up from his position on the bed. “Good night, Virgil.”
The Anxious Side gives him a small two-fingered salute as he sinks out. “G’night, Thomas.”
Thomas hits the cement floor hard and grimaces at the jarring impact, his shoulder taking the brunt of it. He groans and coughs a little before rolling to his feet. He pushes sweaty bangs out of his eyes and squints up at the window at the very top of the warehouse wall. Dusty, late afternoon sunlight filters through the small window and the piles of shipping containers cast long, dark shadows in the dimly lit building.
Thomas had found the warehouse on the outskirts of Gainesville the morning after his talk with Virgil, and he’d been coming here every day for almost a week. Two days ago, he’d tweeted out that he was feeling under the weather—and texted Joan and Camden about it—and tried to ignore just how much his stomach twisted uncomfortably with the knowledge that he was now lying to his fanbase as much as he was lying to his friends.
He’d been trying not to think about it.
“On a scale from 1 to 10,” Logan’s measured voice cuts into his thoughts, “how would you rate the effect of that impact on your body’s physical capabilities?”
“All right, Baymax,” Roman quips from where he’s leaned against a shipping container. “You could just ask him if he’s hurt, like a normal person.”
Thomas rolls his shoulder a couple of times, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “About the same as every other time I’ve crash-landed this week,” he says lightly. “So a little winded, but nothing that bad.”
Logan quirks an eyebrow from where he stands a few feet away, then jots something down on a clipboard. “Fascinating.”
Virgil sits perched on the top of an unmarked container, chewing on his thumbnail. “We definitely should have broken something that time.”
Patton—who is sitting beside him, his feet kicking back and forth slightly against the container—looks at Thomas worriedly. “You okay, kiddo? That one looked like it hurt.”
Thomas frowns, then rolls his shoulder slowly one more time. Just to be sure. “Yeah, actually.”
“Well,” Logan says, studying the clipboard in his hands. “That just about confirms it. We can include a notable increase in your physical durability on our list of physiological changes your body has undergone as a result of recent catalytic events.”
“Thomas, you’re virtually indestructible.”
“No,” Logan corrects Roman hastily, waving a pen in the Creative Side’s direction. “That would be hyperbole. However, you have certainly demonstrated an unnatural ability to withstand impact that would, under normal circumstances, severely injure any other human.”
Thomas grabs his water bottle from where he’d set it down by Roman’s feet. He nods his understanding, glancing around the warehouse. Truthfully, it was pretty much the perfect place for what he was doing. As far as Thomas could tell, the warehouse was mostly abandoned. Shipping containers were empty, but they provided a number of walls of various heights for Thomas to use for practice. And, perhaps most importantly, there wasn’t a soul around except for himself.
“It’s probably a good thing,” Virgil quips in reference to Logan’s comment, “given how many times you’ve faceplanted into concrete this week.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender at the disapproving look Patton throws at him.
Thomas acknowledges the comment with a brief glance before he surveys the warehouse again. They’d realized his strength level had markedly increased on day 1. Before things had started to change, Thomas couldn’t even do a pull up. Now? Now he could pull himself up onto a ledge with one arm. In fact, he lifted one of the warehouse boxes—weighing several tons, by Logan’s best estimate—like it was a slightly awkward desk.
“Thomas,” Logan interrupts, “what would you say is your fatigue level?”
Stamina was another thing that Logan had been keeping a close eye on. Usually, Thomas could manage a 2 mile run before he’d start to feel the fatigue. But he’d been working out—experimenting? Training? Honestly he didn’t know what to call it—for nearly eight hours each day. And sure, he’d be tired at the end, but there was still a marked difference in Thomas’s stamina level.
“I’m good,” Thomas tells him honestly. “Starting to feel it a bit, but I want to keep going.”
The one thing that continued to be a problem for him, really, was this whole “sticking/not sticking” thing. He was getting better as the days passed—practice makes perfect, as Patton kept telling him—but it wasn’t coming as naturally as the stamina or the strength. He kept falling or slipping. Again and again and again.
Logan hums in thought and writes down something else. “As you wish.”
Thomas’s gaze zeroes in on a stack of shipping containers a few yards away. He bounces on his feet a few times, stretching his neck. He flexes his fingers. His shoulders tense. He breathes in. Out.
He takes off sprinting.
Thomas kicks off the ground as he rushes up to the tower of containers, his hands finding unnatural purchase against their smooth walls. He kicks his feet up against it, grinning a bit to himself as they stick. He huffs a breath.
He climbs quickly as if it’s a ladder—hand, foot, hand, foot—and reaches up for the edge of the top container. He glances down and immediately wishes he hadn’t. At the same time that he realizes just how high up he really is, Thomas feels his feet slip. His hands let go. The ground rushes up to meet him very suddenly.
The wind leaves Thomas’s lungs. He wheezes, coughing in a desperate attempt to get air back. He lays there for a moment, waiting for the world around him to stop spinning. The lighting fixtures set up into the scaffolding of the warehouse ceiling turn briefly into double and triple images. Thomas squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for the high-pitched ringing in his ears to abate.
When he opens his eyes again after a long moment, he sees Roman standing above him. The Creative Side offers a hand, and Thomas accepts it as Roman helps him up to his feet.
“What happened?” Roman asks, walking back with him. “You were almost there.”
Thomas shakes his head without answering. He doesn’t know.
Wordlessly, Thomas turns on his heels once they get back to the starting point and faces the tower of shipping containers again. He breathes. He tenses. His weight shifts forward to the balls of his feet. He takes off running again.
Thomas scales the side of it just like he had before, getting about three quarters of the way up before his hands slip, his feet suddenly letting go. He plummets to the floor again.
“Thomas,” Logan says quietly when the host manages to push back up to his feet and stalk back towards the starting point again.
“He has to do this, Logan,” Roman says with a certain edge to his voice. “It’s not like it’s that hard!”
“Maybe he can’t,” Virgil quips.
“He has to.” Roman’s voice is a little higher than Thomas is used to hearing it. Something about it only spurs him on.
“Roman—” Patton tries, but Thomas doesn’t hear what his Morality is saying as he takes off at a dead run for the stack of shipping containers again.
This time, he feels his fingertips brush the very edge of the top container. Then he slips.
Thomas yelps in surprise, reaching blindly. One hand makes contact with the side of the containers as he slides down, and he feels a sharp pull in his shoulder as the hand sticks, abruptly stopping his fall. He grits his teeth, reaching his other hand up. The first hand lets go before he’s ready, and Thomas falls clumsily the rest of the way.
He lands awkwardly on his feet, the harsh impact bringing him to his knees. It sends a jolt of pain shooting up his body. Thomas falls forward onto his hands and knees, his eyes stinging. He takes a second to catch his breath.
“I think that’s enough for now,” Patton says from a distance, uncharacteristically firm. Thomas can hear a set of footsteps behind him, getting closer.
“Y-Yeah,” comes Roman’s voice, distant. It sounds tight and pained. “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna—” A grunt. “I’m gonna go lay down.”
The footsteps are right behind him now. Thomas hears Logan’s voice speak up from behind him, unusually gentle for the Logical Side. “Breathe, Thomas.”
Perhaps ironically, Thomas doesn’t have the breath to respond. He nods, hating the way his arms feel suddenly like jelly. His exhale is shaky. He bows his head and tries to focus on catching his breath. The concrete is cold and grounding, and Thomas leans so that his forearms and forehead are against the floor. It helps with the lingering dizziness.
After a moment, Thomas pushes himself up so that he’s just kneeling on the floor. Logan is standing in front of him now. The clipboard is gone. The internet personality glances around the warehouse and notices that Roman is nowhere to be seen. Patton stands a few steps behind Thomas, his eyes bright and worried. Virgil stands a few feet back. There’s something unreadable about his expression.
“Are you… all right?” Logan asks.
Thomas takes a deep, slow breath. It doesn’t shake as much. “Yeah,” he says unconvincingly. He pushes himself to his feet.
“It’ll come, kiddo,” Patton says as Thomas brushes past him.
Thomas doesn’t answer as he walks out of the warehouse.
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burnouts3s3 · 6 years
Text
Let's Talk About: Carl Foutley and Hoodsey
(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, don’t take anything I say too seriously.
"Let's Talk About" is a series of articles focused on individual character or characters and their development and commentary throughout the work in question. THIS IS NOT A REVIEW OF THE WORK, but rather what the character says about the world around them.  If you wish to read a strict review, please click on the link to read it. My reviews focus more on the purely technical aspects of the work. There are bad characters with good messages. There are good characters with bad messages and so on and so forth. Thank you.
Author’s Note: Okay, this is going to be a weird one. Originally, I wanted to do a review of As Told By Ginger, one of my favorite childhood shows and cartoon I sincerely hope people get to watch. But, thanks to Paramount, the studio that owns Nickelodeon and, by proxy, ATBG, trying to buy the official releases of this show have been a nightmare! While Paramount ‘has’ released DVDs of the show, they are very sparse and leave out way too many episodes. Even attempts to upload episodes to Youtube have been shut down by Paramount. For some reason, Nickelodeon refuses to sell episodes of the show digitally through venues like Amazon or itunes. As such, I’m going to be skipping over my review of this show and focusing on a topic near and dear to my heart.)
Let's Talk About: Carl Foutley and Hoodsey
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As Told By Ginger is probably one of my favorite childhood shows growing up. The characters felt real. The situations were relatable and the humor was on point.
For those who don’t know, As Told By Ginger was a Nickelodeon Cartoon that ran through the 2000’s that depicted the everyday life of Ginger Foutley, a middle school student who tries to get through her day to day  by writing in her journal. It was a simple premise but executed spectacularly thanks to the animation studio of Klasky Csupo (who also did other shows such as Rugrats, the Wild Thornberrys and Rocket Power).
While Ginger would be dealing with her problem (such as a cute boy who’s using her to get a good grade in Chemistry class or helping her friends, Dodie Biship and Macie Lightfoot, with a problem), her younger brother who was in Elementary School, Carl Foutley, and Dodie’s younger brother, Robert Joseph “Hoodsey” Bishop, would be getting into trouble.
In his Doghouse (a memory Carl holds onto in hopes his runaway dog, Monster, will return), he and Hoodsey create ideas to swindle his classmates. Carl and Hoodsey would usually have their own subplot where in Carl hatches a scheme to get money, get revenge or attempt to get his petrified eyeball away from Blake Gripling.
See, producers and executives are a bit wary to catering to a single demographic. In ATBG’s case, catering to girls. (To be fair, even in the original pilot Carl and Hoodsey were there). As such, while Ginger and Dodie were doing “girly” or “feminine” things, Carl and Hoodsey were doing “boy” things and had the share of the gross out humor.
It’d be easy for Carl and Hoodsey just to be the comic relief. Their material is funny and they break up a lot of the dramatic moments with their antics. But as the series progressed, I began to realize that the show runners were doing a lot more with the two than I realized.
For example, I thought there was a strong sense of “children during the face of mortality”.  When Hoodsey and Dodie’s grandmother dies in “Losing Nana Bishop”, Hoodsey has a different reaction from the rest of his family. See, while Dodie, his father and his mother are all grief stricken with the loss of his grandmother,  Hoodsey isn’t. And he feels weird about it, saying “But I don’t feel sad, Carl.”. A child realizing their apathetic towards their own relation’s death is a strangely mature arc to go through. Hoodsey eventually comes around saying he will miss her but in his own way stating “I’ll never look at blue foam or a raisin and not remember how Nana used to laugh at me and pinch my cheek really hard."
This happens earlier in the series. Carl begins a sort of May-December Romance with Maude, an elderly lady he meets at a nursing home. (To be fair, it’s said that these feelings only come from Carl and Maude doesn’t return his feelings but finds him entertaining company). As Carl prepares to propose to her, Maude dies and Carl has to deal with it.
But the biggest impact was during No Hope for Courtney, when Carl realizes Ms. Gordon has retired because Carl pulled a prank too far and traumatized her. Because of that, Carl does everything he can to get her back. Eventually, he wins her over. However, the night before class, Carl wakes up and calls out her name. The next day, it’s revealed that Ms. Gordon died in her sleep. (This was done as a tribute to her voice actress Kathleen Freeman passing away). The final shot is Carl crying over her death.
Religion is also a big part of the show (which is surprising, given that this was a Nickelodeon show meant for children). Carl is an atheist, but it’s only really mentioned in passing when Ginger nearly dies from a burst appendix.
In contrast, Hoodsey is seen more as the more religious of the duo, if not necessarily the more moral. What I mean is that Hoodsey is as willing, if not more so, to get into much trouble as Carl is but Hoodsey does believe in a divine power. We get glimpses of this. When Carl and Hoodsey get Mrs. Gripling’s money so Hoodsey can pretend to be a homeless boy for her (Mrs. Gripling was trying to become the head of a social club and did so by faking to do actual charity work), Hoodsey argues they should give the money back, stating "when the big guy sends me a message, I try to pay attention." In “Losing Nana Bishop”, Hoodsey says that their grandmother is somewhere in “that great big bingo hall in the sky”.
Normally, Christianity vs Atheism debates are reserved for the internet Youtube videos or conservative propaganda pieces. In fact, there’s a scenario you could see how Carl would argue with Hoodsey about religion.Instead, the writers of the show establish this through a clever and subversive way.
Hoodsey believes in Santa Claus while Carl does not. The two get into an argument about how ‘real’ Santa is, with Hoodsey being so devoted to Santa he breaks his friendship with Carl.
Eventually the two bury the hatchet and decide they’re better off laughing at things such as neon signs of reindeer pissing.
"Sure you're cool hanging with a non-believer?" Carl asks Hoodsey.
"To each his own and all that," Hoodsey replies.
What led to Carl’s jadedness towards Santa Claus, Carl replies "Something stupid. I think I used to wish my dad would come home for the Holidays or something like that". This is a reference to the fact that his birth father left his family when he was young.
In the world of sitcoms and cartoons, the showrunners sometimes depict various family units and how they contrast with one another. Carl’s family had a Single mother, Lois Foutley, and Ginger. He was the only male character in the house and the youngest child.
Through the 90’s most shows had nuclear, if dysfunctional, families with a mother and father and multiple children. Even if the sons were often trouble makers, they had father figures to look up to. Bud Bundy had Al, Chris Griffin had Peter, Eric Forman had Red, Bobby Hill had Hank and Bart Simpson had Homer.
Hoodsey, whose parents are still together and haven’t separated, even makes a side comment to Carl "You see how complicated having two parents can be?"
To be fair, as time went on other cartoons and cartoon characters have commented on divorce. Sharon Spitz from Braceface, Pepper Ann Pearson from Pepper Ann, Sammy "Squid" Dullard from Rocket Power, Will Vandom from W.I.T.C.H. and Tino Tonitini from the Weekenders are all products of divorced/separated couples. But whereas their mothers they stay with are considered embarrassing, overprotective, smothering, or strict, the absent father figure is usually idolized and admired, even with their actual presences hidden or built up. For the first times we hear about them, we never actually "see" what Pepper Ann's father and Tino's father looked like until later in the series after they're mentioned.
It's also implied that the absent father figure is the better off or the richer of the two households with a "cool" profession. Pepper Ann's father is a pilot, Squid's father is an executive, Will's father is seen driving a sports car (implying he's wealthy) and Sharon Spitz's father is a rock star. As such, it's seen as an idolization of the absent father figure. "My dad's not here because he's busy being cool somewhere else".
Then, we finally get hints of who Ginger’s father is.
In "Hello Stranger", Ginger gets a congratulations letter for graduating Elementary School (an event, as her friend Darren mentions, that happened ages ago) from her father. Ginger invites her father to attend her poetry reading only for him not to show up. Lois decides to send flowers to Ginger and has them written to be from Ginger's Father (even though he had nothing to do with them). Ginger sees through the guise but thanks her mother anyway.
When we do finally meet Ginger's Father, Jonas, the truth is finally revealed: he is a mall Santa who can't be bothered to make it to her daughter's poetry reading. It's also implied he's not well off financially. "I'm sort of a Jack of all trades and Master of none" he says in a later episode.
When Carl and Jonas do meet on Christmas Day, Hoodsey inadvertently stages a meeting between them, Carl, meets him with scorn and hatred. He even says "My Mom always warned me about getting in a car with a total stranger." Jonas gives Carl a globe full of peanuts, not knowing that Carl is violently allergic to them.
The show doesn't mince words; Jonas Foutley is a deadbeat dad who doesn't know his own children and his attempts to be there fall flat. (To be fair, the show gave him redeeming values such as giving GInger good advice or having him wrestle rogue attacking turkeys).
Ginger and Carl have very different reactions to their birth father. Ginger attempts to get Jonas back into her life as much as possible while Carl wants nothing to do with him.
Consider how strange that is. Ginger, the older female child, idolizes her father while Carl despises him. Carl instead attempts to help Dr. Dave, a recurring character and co-worker of his mother, help woo Lois. Carl who’s the younger child instead feels more comfortable with his step father while Ginger, who would be older and would have more memories of her father leaving her, is dedicated to making her father a part of her life as much as possible.
It’s interesting to see how he, who is barely entering middle school not only wants to embrace his potential new father, but harbors resentment against his birth father. He even goes so far as to address him as Jonas while calling Dr. Dave Dad. Carl even accuses Jonas of conspiring to ruin Lois and Dave's wedding!
In one of the final episodes of the season, Carl helps Lois find a new house. Lois decides to indulge Carl's gross out side and shows off houses that she thinks Carl would like before settling on a real house. Except, throughout the episode, Carl dismisses each of the houses and commits himself to finding an actual home.
When Lois asks why Carl is acting out of character, Carl responds.
"It's my last duty as Man of the House before Dave steps into the role", he says.
Think about that. Carl, despite admitting he loved the creepy and gross houses Lois showed him, decides to take the responsibility of house hunting seriously because he considers it the last duty "as man of the house" before Dave comes in. He is deliberately choosing to step away from his own selfish desires and deciding to 'act like a man'. Not masculine as in gaining muscles or beating up people or acting as an authority figure, but doing something as simple as helping his mother and changing his attitude and behavior.
Consider the context: Carl favors Dr. Dave, a step-father, despite Dave not being his birth father and him acting squeamish and cowardly, more of a man than his actual parent. Why? Because Dave is there and helps his family while Jonas, Carl's birthfather, has been mainly absent from his childhood.
So naturally, Carl's viewpoint of masculinity and manhood are changed. Rather than being assertive of muscular, it's simply being there and supporting his family when he can.
That's strangely profound in a child.
It feels like Carl’s arc is that of maturity. But through the series, attempts into forcing Carl to mature all fail. Ms. Gordo and George (a strict boy scout who uses military training to straighten out Carl), all fail. Attempts to force Carl to destroy the dog house, his secret lair and his nostalgia into hoping his long lost pet, Monster, will come back fail. Even when a classmate tricks Carl into growing up fails. But instead, Carl chooses by his own accord when he's finally ready to destroy his dog house. He chooses to turn his back against pranking. He chooses to help his mother out with the wedding and move.
(It should also be mentioned that Carl was willing to let his dog house be destroyed when George blackmails Carl that by leaving he would cast the blame on Ginger whose program is failing). Then, on Lois’ wedding day, Monster, the dog Carl has been waiting to come back, returns to him.
In some ways, Carl’s story is a view of masculinity but through the lens of grade school boy. Through this sense of jadedness, we see a boy who’s grown weary of the world but works through it by being as gross and angry as possible. But instead of pursing masculinity as a form of power or revenge fantasy, he views it as an aiding tool and someone who genuinely wants to help (even if that help causes more trouble than aids).
Tress MacNille is a voice acting professional who’s shown her merit through shows such as the Simpsons, Futurama and other works. But it’s with Hoodsey that she embodies a character and gives said character real depth. But it’s Jeannie Elias who absolutely delivers as Carl (she also played Botley in Jumpstart 3rd grade adventures).  It’s not uncommon for female voice performers to voice young boys (this is done for a variety of reasons as animated shows can go on for years and female actresses tend to ‘sound’ younger than male ones), but Elias performance while holding a scratchy voice manages to convey anger, sadness, humor and cunning at all the right times. Kudos to her.
The series ends, showing an Adult Ginger reading her book to a group of her adult friends as well as Darren with their child. Hoodsey and Carl are seen sitting next to each other.
Though, there is one detail I do find funny. In an episode, Carl says "I can see Me and Hoodsey being friends 30 Years from now".
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I guess some friendships do last a lifetime after all.
https://amzn.to/2UHi4lk
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emosnakeboy · 6 years
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Do all the ice cream questions!
oh sweet jesus ok yeah i suppose thats one way to cute boredom thanks 
chocolate: when was your first kiss? June 13th of 2016, huge ass regrets
french vanilla: how old are you? not old enough to make a difference, in the eyes of the government (but that’s just what i let them think)
cotton candy: three places you want to travel to? hmmm Cairo, Egypt; London, England; Las Vegas, Nevada, USA
strawberry: a language you wish you could speak? probably german or finnish so i can go to college in one of those countries for free, either that or french or latin so i can pass my classes
coffee: favorite cosmetics brands? i dont use makeup
mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors? probably indoors, less sunburn more AC and wifi
cookie dough: do you play any instruments? yes several, i play baritone, clarinet, ukulele (badly), and probably some others that i should be working on. lately i’ve been inspired to learn how to play the trombone.
rocky road: favorite songs at the moment? ohhh boy... Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco, The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance, The Last of The Real Ones by Fall Out Boy, If These Sheets Were The States by All Time Low, and Ground Control by All Time Low (i hecking love atl fight me) (there are so many more songs i could say)
butter pecan: favorite songs for life? oh shit those above, plus both Boy Division and The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance
cheesecake: what’s your zodiac sign? capricorn
toasted coconut: the beach or the pool? pool, sorry, i don’t really like sand. i like being able to sit underwater and see through my goggles and i just cant do that at the beach
chocolate chip: what’s your most popular post? lemme check... the one that wasn’t even mine it’s about how the sanders sides reacted in virgil’s room portraying their fears and shit, my friend sent it via a group chat and i loved it so i posted it and now everyone else loves it
bubblegum: books or movies? can’t pick i love both reading and watching movies for different reasons
pistachio: manga or anime? anime, easier to focus on and takes less time to get through
salted caramel: favorite movies? Love, Simon; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, i can’t remember any others atm
birthday cake: favorite books? The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Claire, The Maze Runner series by James Dashner, The Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling (particularly the Prisoner of Azkaban), Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark
moose tracks: favorites for manga? Fairy Tail Zero and Death Note
orange sherbet: favorites for anime? Yuuri! On Ice and Death Note, but Hetalia is fuckin funny and Fairy Tail is amazing
peanut butter: favorite acedemic subject? honestly i really don’t have a favorite not because i hate them all but because i love them all. my last history and english teachers made the classes fun so i’ve really been loving those two, and science and math are just practical and fascinating and i can’t not love them. i’m a nerd, what else do you want from me?
black raspberry: do you have any pets? 4 cats 3 dogs and a shitload of guppy fish, not to mention my plants
mango: when and why did you start your blog? i think in like March or April of 2018 because it was about time, i wanted to follow fandom shit but then i realized people like my art and moodboards so that’s kinda become what i do now (requests still open btw)
mocha: ideal weather conditions? London weather. Not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny. i don’t like sunburn. plus the rain is relaxing, and thunderstorms are awesome.
black cherry: four words that describe you? what the fuck evenjk i know people want positive.. respectable, intelligent, talented, pretty
NOTE: it’s not being vain to say that ^^ i don’t dwell on them more than i have to, and honestly since i usually feel like a piece of rat shit it’s very good that im able to describe myself as anything other than that. 
neapolitan: things that stress you out? too much clutter when i’m working, assholes interrupting class, my friends hiding things from me, my anxiety and depression constantly telling me to yeet myself off the nearest cliff
raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music? pop-rock, pop-punk, rock, sometimes indie shit.. mostly alternative/pop
chocolate marshmellow: favorite brands of candy? TWIZZLERS and i particuarly love hershey stuff, and starburst but i forget who starburst is by
toffee: a card game that you’re good at? solitaire... but i do like Texas Hold ‘Em
lemon custard: do you eat breakfast? most days yeah
peach: how do you relax? drawing, writing, reading, listen to music, sometimes just lie down and do nothing, hug my friends if i can
praline: a popular book you haven’t read yet? oh god i read a lot.. Wings of Fire series, i’ve heard a lot about it and i really wanna read it
superman: do you like sweaters? absolutely i do, however not during the summer when it’s this hot
cherry: do you drink tea or coffee? both but not very frequently
dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play? ukulele, baritone, guitar, trombone
blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yes several times at stuff that’s ridiculously stupid
ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr would have? do they let me block certain tags and i just haven’t figured out how yet? idk im still pretty new to this site
blueberry lemon: favorite blogs? oh god there’s a lot... im gonna leave it at three for now, and those would be mostly my art idols @elentori-art @the-pastel-peach and @voidsides but there are so many more i wish i could put aiehgsbngu
almond: favorite mean girls quote? i’ve never seen mean girls idk if any of the possible quotes im thinking of are even from mean girls and im not gonna embarrass myself by saying them
butterscotch: what color are your nails right now? unpainted, but last they were black with glitter over the top
cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to? yes a few times
blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone? yeap and 9/10 times it sucks but then there’s the 1 time where everything goes right and it makes every point in your life up until then worth it
cappuccino crunch: do you ever take naps? not really
mint: the most embarrassing thing you’ve done? think i was straight until 2016 and humiliate myself by chasing these guys but never truly feeling like i liked them
brownie batter: do you like sushi? never had it but i don’t think so, im not a big fish person
key lime: where do you want to be right now? probably about 30 minutes away from where i am in my s.o.’s arms on their couch watching soul eater or avatar: the last airbender with them
red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses? yep im blind as fuck
green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream? sea salt caramel, banana peanut butter, pistachio almond, white house/cherry vanilla
ok wow that took a while.. thank u though that cured my boredom and now i have to do stuff so sbfguisng adios y gracias 
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overhxul · 6 years
Text
why i was gone and why i’m coming back
lmao look at me acting as if people care about this blog outside of that one elm street gifset i made
CONTENT WARNING: I WAS NOT IN A GOOD PLACE MENTALLY FOR A WHILE AND IF EXTREMELY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TRIGGER YOU YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO READ THE FIRST PART
right
this is gonna be a long post, and a very hard post to make
WHY WAS I GONE?
a multitude of reasons really, firstly because i was experiencing one of the darker points in my life mentally; i started overthinking about how i could have prevented my bad childhood, and the thought of that led me to an absolute social and emotional standstill for a while. i was NOT in a good place. there were people that were there for me, like my best friend who i love so much. however i was lead to such a stalemate that i couldn’t write songs or novels or anything, which absolutely tore me apart. writing has always been one of my main areas of escapism and to have that taken away when it meant so much to me was, quite frankly, and i’m not being dramatic, absolutely crushing. there was also the stress of having to complete college, and having to see someone who made my life a living hell, my dad. i went down HARD. i took a step back, and i decided to regroup and re-evaluate my life, which leads me nicely to;
WHY IM COMING BACK
ALRIGHT BOYS LETS GET IT
let’s just say that i wasn’t planning on letting this dark void take me in without a good fight. i confided in friends, went out some more and started watching more dodie clark bc she is bae and her videos make me really fkin happy thank you dodie
well, to put it in the most simple way, I BROKE DOWN THE MENTAL BARRIER LIKE THE MF HULK IN A BLAZE OF FKIN GLORY
meet jack 2.0, a person that doesn’t give a single fuck about shit that got him down anymore
i’m cool
i’m good
i’m really, genuinely happy.
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cherryskies13 · 6 years
Text
Tagged by @sirius-blacks-wife 💕
Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people
Honestly whoever wants to do this can do it
last
1. drink - WOter
2. phone call - @percy-james
3. text message - also @percy-james
4. song you listened to - Sick of Losing Soulmates- dodie
5. time you cried - legit today
ever
6. dated someone twice? - yEAh and we’re not gonna talk abt it bc he cheated on me both times and he was a jerk
7. kissed someone and regretted it - y e ah
8. been cheated on - 3 times :)
9. lost someone special - yeP
10. been depressed - is this even a question
11. gotten drunk and thrown up - not both at the same time
fave colours
12. Lilac
13. Really light pink
14. Pastel blue
in the last year have you…
15. made new friends - yes :D I love all my frens
16. fallen out of love - nOpe
17. laughed until you cried - YE A H actually, last time I did was when I first watched Pop Team Epic
18. found out someone was talking about you - y eAh
19. met someone who changed you - definitely
20. found out who your friends are - uhhhhhhh wha t
21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - that’s gonna be a no
general
22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - no Facebook here
23. do you have any pets - YES I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN
24. do you want to change your name - legally
25. what did you do for your last birthday - made myself a birthday cake and cried for like half an hour
26. what time did you wake up today - 9 I think
27. what were you doing at midnight last night - sleeping
28. what is something you can’t wait for - time skip into moving to Germany
30. what are you listening to right now - a live lo-fi station on YouTube
31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - I don’t even know
32. something that getting on your nerves - I haven’t been able to find a job to save my life and it’s stressing me out
33. most visited website - tumblr dot com
34. hair colour - like a dark honey brown of sorts
35. long or short hair - shortish
36. do you have a crush on someone - WHELP SECRET OUT I HAVE THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON @percy-james
37. what do you like about yourself - literally nothing, I hate everything about myself
38. want any piercings? - no idea
39. blood type - some rare one, I don’t remember
40. nicknames - I give nicknames, I don’t really get them
41. relationship status - Snatched af
42. zodiac - Pisces
43. pronouns - he/him
44. fave tv shows - Atm? B99 and SVTFOE
45. tattoos - I want micro tattoos
46. right or left handed - ambidextrous
47. ever had surgery - yEah Bo i
48. piercings - none at all
49. sport - hockey
50. vacation - wanna go see my bf, also really wanna go to Stirling Scotland
51. trainers - like tennis shoes? I have a pair
more general
52. eating - my fav food is tempura. If anyone ever wants to give me money so I can go eat tempura, dm me I’ll give you my PayPal
53. drinking - I’m very badly addicted to coffee
54. i’m about to watch - I gotta catch up on SU
55. waiting for - the sweet release of death™️
56. want - to see my friends happy
57. get married - yes pls
58. career - I wanna be a vet tech
which is better
59. hugs or kisses - HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSH
60. lips or eyes - eyes def
61. shorter or taller - idc how tall you are my dood
62. older or younger - are we talking dating wise bc don’t do anything illegal, if you’re 26 and you’re dating an 18 year old you’re disgusting please leave my blog and rethink your life choices anyways off topic but you get my point
63. nice arms or stomach - waaaaa all stomachs and arms are nice
64. hookup or relationship - relationship
65. troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the most hesitant person
have you ever
66. kissed a stranger - not that I can remember
67. drank hard liquor - yE ah
68. lost glasses - thank god I haven’t
69. turned someone down - yeah
70. sex on first date - asexual my dudes
71. broken someone’s heart - yeah
72. had your heart broken - y e ah
73. been arrested - nOPE BUT I DID GET TO RIDE IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A COP CAR AT 2AM ONCE ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO
74. cried when someone died - I cry everyday but yeah
75. fallen for a friend - Um excuse me, but I am dating my bff
do you believe in
76. yourself - NOPE
77. miracles - I’d like to
78. love at first sight - not really
79. santa claus - YE AH B OI
80. kiss on a first date - Depends
81. angels - I do now
other
82. best friend’s name - WELL A C T U A L L Y I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS THERES NO WAY I CAN LIST THEM ALL ON HERE HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHA im actually so lonely it’s depressing
83. eye colour - dark brown, technically hazel
84. fave movie - Sing Street and Perks of Being a Wallflower
85. fave actor - Either Ezra or Gal, don’t make me choose
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bogmonsters · 6 years
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tagged by @shinkirideku!! thank u so much clair I LOVE YOU
put under a readmore (as usual) so this doesn’t mess up anyone’s dash!!
name/nickname: hero, kiiba, or a slew of other nicknames that are too dumb to be listed
gender: genderfluid!!
star sign: gemini! 
height: 5′2 (i think the last time i did this meme i was 5′1...)
hogwarts house: gryffindor! i’m not courageous or valorous or anything remotely gryffindor-ish but it’s what the pottermore quiz said and from what i’ve seen that quiz is Law
favorite animal: if i’m bein completely honest, it changes like every week or so. right now it’s probably sea slugs!! alligators & bush vipers will always be big faves in my heart tho  
hours of sleep: anywhere from 5 to 12, depending on the day! sometimes i don’t sleep enough & sometimes i sleep too much...
dogs or cats: um both
number of blankets: one atm, i know it’s supposed to be fall over here but it’s still hot as fuck and i HATE IT 
dream trip: preferably a universe alternate to ours or just space in general. or china! i’d like to go back to china in a few years after i learn cantonese, i went there a few years ago to get in touch w my culture or whatever and it was really depressing cuz i couldn’t understand anyone  
dream job: entomologist or herpetologist! or an astrobiologist cuz that sounds COOL as FUCK 
time: 10:22! 
favorite bands: the presidents of the united states of america (which apparently disbanded last year... that sucks...), glass animals, queen, and probably marina & the diamonds!! my music taste changes so frequently it’s like clockwork at this point
favorite solo artists: dodie clark & adriana figueroa are the only two i can think of off the top of my head!!
song stuck in my head: why can’t we be friends by war... it’s been stuck in my head for the past month or so........
last movie i watched: the life aquatic with steve zissou, i think! it was pretty okay.. i really do like wes anderson’s movies but this one felt kinda bland 
last show i watched: kirby right back at ya! that’s the one i remember clearly, at least. i was at a friend’s house and we were talking about kirby so naturally we had to watch like half of this show in a single sitting... it may not have aged well since i last watched it but it aged well in my heart   
when did i create this blog: 2-3 years ago?? i don’t even remotely remember 
what do i post/reblog: pokemon, cute animals, ghibli stuff, dragons, fire emblem, xenoblade, and a few other things!! this blog’s a mess & i have the utmost appreciation for anyone who’s followin it 
last thing i googled: flip flappers cuz i hear it’s gay & super good
other blogs: the only two active sideblogs i have are @daily-okami-music (self-explanatory) & @hynobiidae (misc bio blog)!!
do i get asks: it depends! if i’m not being overwhelmed w asks cuz of an ask meme, i barely get asks 
why i chose my url: jyarako is jangmo-o’s japanese name!! jangmo-o is one of my absolute favorite alolan pokemon and i feel like i don’t deserve this url but here we are  
following: 340 
followers: 390 on here, 713 on the daily okami music blog!!
lucky number: 610! it’s axew’s pokedex number!!
favorite instrument: either the violin or piano!! i used to be able to play both but i just. gave up halfway through 8th grade and never went back  
what am i wearing: sloppy shorts + an old tshirt covered in cat hair  
favorite food: udon but specifically the udon i had in japan, which i loudly consumed while a dude got hammered at the table next to me  
nationality: chinese american! 
favorite song: currently it’s adriana figueroa’s cover of k.k. bossa
last book you read: the girl with all the gifts by m.r. carey, which i started yesterday and will finish sometime today (hopefully)! i haven’t read a good book like this one in quite awhile...
top three fictional universes i’d like to join: pokemon (probably sinnoh / unova / alola), xenoblade (i’ve had dreams about aimlessly wandering through the bionis), or probablyyyyy any ghibli movie’s universe cuz they’re all so cozy (even when they’re not supposed to be) 
i’m tagging: my head’s fuzzy right now so if you’re readin this consider yourself tagged!
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loona-lovegood · 7 years
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tagged by @holy-snitch! I totally forgot to do this earlier so it’s a little late, sorry! Thank you for tagging me :)
rules: tag people you want to know better 
nickname: Luna (that’s a screen name btw, don’t think I’ve ever told y’all that) zodiac: Scorpio height: 5′6 last thing i googled: “Wonder Woman showtimes” (It was INCREDIBLE by the way) favourite music artist: Ed Sheeran, Panic! At the Disco, Melanie Martinez, Dodie Clark, The Beatles, Ben Platt, Lin Manuel, Billy Joel, Troye Sivan (Sorry I couldn’t list just one lol) song stuck in my head: “Something’s Missing” from the musical Come From Away (it’s incredible, highly recommend)   last movie i saw: Wonder Woman! Oh my goooosshhh it was soooo goooddd I finally got the female superhero movie I have been WAITING FOR and it. was. great.  what am i wearing right now: yellow t-shirt, blue shorts, and rainbow nails because I spent my weekend at a pride festival (it was da bomb) why did i choose my url: Simple. Luna Lovegood is the love of my life. do i have any other blogs: yeep I have a phan blog, blog of random trash, narnia blog, Dodie blog , aaaand a network blog for my upcoming LGBTQ+ Hatty Potter Network  so ya know, feel free to check out the info about that on my page if you’re interested! All those blogs are linked btw *shameless self promotion* what did your last relationship teach you: Weeeell I’ve never technically been in a romantic relationship which is what I assume you’re talking about. BUT, I will say that I’ve spent a lot of time going head over heels for people and kinda tossing myself to the side for the sake of an obsession or infatuation. So ya know, just remember that you’re the most important person in your life and you should take care of your own well being before throwing yourself into someone else’s life. Just like...take care of yourself first. Strap on your own face mask before helping others like they teach you on airplanes. *cheesy thumbs up* love yoself. You rule.
religious or spiritual:  No fricken idea, man. My dad was raised Hindu but is very atheist. My mom was raised catholic but is kind of just vaguely spiritual and doesn’t really believe in a god. And I’m kinda just of the mindset that God(s) doesn’t entirely make sense to me but a lot of the scientific explanations I’ve heard about creation and so forth don’t entirely make sense either so idk I like to keep an open mind and hear as many different ideas as I can.  favourite colour: Purple maybe? Turquoise? Idk, I don’t understand how people pick one favorite color average hours of sleep: gosh it varies so much. During the school week like 4-5, but during breaks like 7-ish? lucky number: I don’t knowwww favourite characters:  Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Wonder Woman, Rory Gilmore, Remus Lupin, Simon and Baz from Carry On, James from If We Were Villians, Nick Miller from New Girl, Rey from TFA
dream job: Something to do with writing. I would love to be a fiction writer, or maybe a travel journalist or political journalist. I would really like to publish a novel at some point in my life. It would also be really cool to be a screenwriter for a movie or tv show and I’d really like to learn more about the film world. 
I tag: @les-revolutionnaires, @stuckwith-harry, @phan-in-hogwarts, @nikiatnite, @rainynightsandcaturdays,  @potterheadferret, @kathleen-97,  @scovphyperion,  @thewiseoldeagle,  @fairylightsmalfoy, @innocent-luna (no pressure, you don’t have to do it!)
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mandarinenschaeler · 7 years
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I got tagged by @itsnot-thatpunny who’s a super cool person!
Rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better
Relationship status: Still single
Favourite colour: Still green! Idk I kinda never change my faves
Lipstick or chapstick: Still chapstick, but now I know at least the difference
Last song you listened to: “Freckles and Constellations” by Dodie Clark (a huge thank you to Robin at this point because I saw her on their blog and damn, her music is amazing)
Last movie you watched: I watched “me before you” today with my mum because she wanted to see this movie for ages, but it wasn’t really good. I dunno. But I liked the book.
Top 3 characters: Oh god. First is Lance (Voltron) for sure. Second might be Matthew Murdock (Daredevil) and third.. uhh. I don’t know to be honest. 
Top 3 ships: Oh damn. I really love the Klance content. And that’s it right now? I’m just a voltron multishipper at the moment.
Books you are currently reading: Right now none because I just finished my last some minutes ago but I have to read “Secret window secret garden” by Stephen King until friday.
Top five musicals: I just watched three musicals in my life and two of them were horrible and one was tolerable. I’m more of a theatre person tbh. But I like the “Alexander Hamilton” songs and also heard most of the “Dear Evan Hansen” songs yesterday (they are great, again thanks to Robin). I guess I’ll just name the best stage plays I’ve been to now. The best play I’ve been to by far was “tschick” (I googled if that book has an english version and yeah, it has). It was even better than the book. Just awesome. And I also really liked “Homevideo”. After the play ended my class could talk with the actors and yeah. That was also pretty cool. And yes, I know that have been just four musicals/plays but I wasn’t in more good ones. And I tag @anxiety-pidgeon @iambonely and @waffelsareevil (they’re all awesome, sorry if you already done this and you don’t have to! And if you didn’t get tagged but want to do this just go on and see yourself as tagged!)
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