#like the closest we get is occasionally someone will do the sibling stuff instead of romantic but just. sigh.
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keep me warm - jhs | m
cause you keep me and nice and you keep me warm. wanna feel you on me, can't wait to get back there again - texas sun, khruangbin
✹ summary- camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.
✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw
✹ pairing- jung hoseok x reader
✹ word count- 3.9k - she’s a short lil quick dip ;)
✹ genre- smut. lol thats it. cant say there is much plot here besties!!! but there is big brother namjoon, brothers best friend hoseok, established relationship!!!
✹ warnings- explicit smut, cockwarming, dirty talk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be smart pls!), sex in a tent, a little exhibitionism???, fingering, finger sucking, creampie, lil bit of cum play but not really, hoseok is a dirty dirty boy and i love that about him tbh
✹ a/n- helloooo. i’ve been sitting on this and finally finished it!! thank you to @kimtaehyunq for the sexy banner and beta reading and general support. i was inspired to write this fic when i went camping but pls be warned that sex in a tent is not as sexy as this fic makes it seem 🤕 ILY BESTIES!!! lemme know your thots!!!
The annual Kim Family camp out is an event you haven’t missed since your seventh birthday when you had chicken pox. It’s an outing that has gained notoriety among your friends, a monumental yearly occasion that takes months of prep in advance. What started as a simple camp out with your parents and your older brother Namjoon has become an event with extended friends and family members and significant others involved. Your parents handed down the event to you and your brother, claiming their older age keeps them from being able to keep up with “the youth” for an entire weekend, instead preferring to join for a big cookout dinner, then head back to the comfort of their tempurpedic mattress and functional plumbing back at home.
Not that you minded.
This year was different. Your cousins, Taehyung and Seokjin, would join with Tae’s girlfriend Maggie. Your childhood best friend Jimin would attend as well, bringing along his lover of the month, a tall and leggy brunette. Namjoon invited his best friend Yoongi, who brought along your mutual friend Jungkook.
And most importantly,
Jung Hoseok would be there. Your boyfriend.
Hoseok is no stranger to the Kim Family camp out. He’s been attending since he was sixteen after meeting Namjoon in high school jazz band and instantly becoming friends. You can vividly remember the older high school boy making sure you never felt left out in a group of gangly teenagers—bringing you along on hikes, and fishing, and general mischief.
It’s where you first fell for him.
Every year after that, you pined for Hoseok from afar at every outing. You’d lie awake at night in your shared tent with Jimin, desperately wishing the body next to you was Hoseok, wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm in the forest's chill.
Your relationship with Hoseok flourished after high school, when he was unknowingly in your chemistry class in college. Hours were spent pouring over textbooks together, cramming for exams and practice labs with a familiar friend.
Then came the coffee dates, the movie nights, the dinners. Hoseok went from an occasional study buddy to someone you talked to hourly.
The day he kissed you is a day you’ll never forget.
Soft lips pressing onto yours over a bubbling beaker of magnesium, his hands cupping your cheeks as he drew you in so close, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.
“Be mine,” he whispered. “Please, be mine.”
And you’ve been his ever since.
“Aish! Don’t burn my marshmallow, ___!” Namjoon scolds you, jerking your long stick away from the fire as he sits next to you. “I hate burned marshmallows.”
Annoyance bubbles up in your throat as you roll your eyes at your brother.
“I wouldn’t have to do this for you if you knew how to roast a marshmallow without starting a wildfire.”
Namjoon, ever the strong-headed big brother, glares at you. “That was an accident and you know it.”
Hoseok chuckles beside you, resting a hand on your leg as you murmur expletives about Namjoon and a certain stick under your breath.
“I’ll eat your burned one, babe,” he says with a smile. “I love your burned mallows.”
Hoseok’s charm is a balm to all your wounds. He easily melts the ice around your heart and soothes your frayed nerves with a simple look.
“Thanks, Hobi,” you reply.
“Please, no talk of my sister’s mallows,” Namjoon winces. “It’s bad enough you’re dating in front of me. In front of my salad.”
Namjoon doesn’t mean it. He knows how deeply you love him, and he trusts Hoseok not to hurt his one and only sibling. But it doesn’t mean he’s not above rubbing it in your face that he was Hoseok’s friend first.
Jungkook laughs from where he’s sitting, roasting a hotdog over the crackling flame on Jimin’s lap (“There weren’t any seats left!”).
“At least he’s not tossing her salad in front of you.”
Yoongi slaps the younger man’s hotdog out of his hand and into the fire, making Jungkook whine and pout petulantly.
“Don’t be gross,” Yoongi scolds and Namjoon nods at his friend in solidarity.
Hoseok smirks and licks his fingers clean of the sticky marshmallow. “Besides, we didn’t bring nearly enough lube for any anal play tonight.”
“Hoseok!” Namjoon screeches and you bashfully bury yourself into your sweater. The rest of the group explodes in laughter while your brother holds his head in his hands, lamenting the day you two met.
Hoseok pulls you into his lap, grinning as he kisses at your ear while maintaining firm eye contact with your brother, eager to make him as uncomfortable as possible.
While you’re relaxing into the warmth of your boyfriend’s body and enjoying the laughter of all your closest friends, Hoseok nips at your ear and whispers gently.
“I love you.”
“I’m so cold.” A shiver wracks through you as you burrow down deeper into your sleeping bag. The night air becomes increasingly frosty and you can easily see your breath in the dim light from the moon. “It wasn’t supposed to be this cold.”
Hoseok scoots his bag closer to yours, rubbing over the meshy material in an attempt to warm you.
“I thought about bringing another blanket before we left…,” he sighs. “But Namjoon told me I was being ‘a boy scout’.”
You bark out a frigid laugh, teeth chattering as you try to snuggle into the warmth of Hoseok’s hand.
Pleadingly, you ask. “Can we share? Maybe if we zip the sleeping bags together we can make one big extra-large sleeping bag?”
Hoseok nods. “Good idea.”
He quickly gets to work as soon as you unzip your sleeping bag and move off of it, allowing him to take it and zip the two bags together. He spreads it back out over the soft padded bed once it’s completed and he slips into his end before beckoning you over.
“Come to me, my little popsicle.”
The fabric swishes and slides as you move into the combined bag, wrapping your cold limbs around the warmth of your boyfriend’s body.
“Holy shit, you really are cold,” he exclaims with a grunt when your ice-cold hands seek the toasty expanse of his toned belly. “Fuck.”
“Sorry.” Your apology is anything but apologetic as the high temperature of Hoseok’s body quickly oozes into you. “You feel so good.”
A moan slips out of your lips, pleased at the warmth that your boyfriend radiates as you seek every spot on his body that radiates heat.
“Hold on,” he whispers.
Quickly, he rids himself of his shirt and tugs at the hem of your own.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” You gasp as the icy air billows under your shirt. “Why would I get naked right now?”
He huffs. “Trust me?”
He kisses the pout on your lips, then pulls away with your shirt in his hands.
“Skin-to-skin contact is the easiest way to warm someone up. Body heat, you know. Textbook boy scout stuff.”
He twists your body around to spoon into him, back pressed against his ultra-warm chest, making you gasp once you feel the radiating heat spreading across you.
“Oh…” you sigh as you sink into his embrace. “You were right.”
Hoseok smirks as he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the nape of your neck—lips pressing gentle, warm kisses to the column below your ear.
“Told you so.”
Your body instinctively presses further into his body, desperate for the warmth that the human-heater seems to emit. His breath hitches as he feels your ass press hard against his lap, cock stirring at the proximity.
Hoseok’s hands run up and down your arms, warming each inch of your skin with his palms. He spreads heat wherever he touches, and your eyes flutter closed as he works his gentle, warming massage into your frozen skin. He is the epitome of sunshine, both in body and demeanor, always able to brighten the coldest chills with one look, one touch.
When he’s satisfied that you’re thoroughly warmed where he’s worked, his hands move from your arms and shoulders around to your belly and up to your chest. You feel like mush under his grazing touch, gasping and biting your lip as he tugs gently at your perky nipple. It’s a live wire to his cock.
“Fuck,” he groans as he feels himself harden. He kisses at your shoulder as he continues to palm at your chest, taking the fullness of your breasts into his whole hand and massaging it gently.
“Hobi…” you warn, feeling the desire between your thighs build. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.”
He chuckles against your skin, breathing hot air over your neck and shoulder, tightening his grip on your nipple for a quick pinch that makes you squeak.
“Who says we can’t finish?”
His voice is low—that deep, sensual tone that sets your tummy aflame with desire. His dick is pressed against your ass, twitching with need as it thickens in his pants.
His hand moves from your chest, rubbing soft, sweet circles on your stomach as he warms the cool flesh around your belly button, before traveling down to where your sleeping pants sit low on your hips.
“We c-can’t,” you meekly attempt to fight back, remain strong, but the warmth of his body and the need growing within you is quickly winning your internal battle of morality. “My cousin is next to us.”
Hoseok smirks as he slips underneath your pants, hand diving in between your thighs to rub at your soft mound. He’s close, so close to slipping inside of you, and you squeeze your eyes tight at the overwhelming urgency you’re feeling for his fingers inside you.
“You think Tae and Maggie are fast asleep right now?” He asks.
As if on cue, you hear soft giggles coming from the next tent over, giggles that sound suspiciously like Taehyung’s girlfriend.
“Tae is really not that funny,” Hoseok says as he nibbles at your ear. “Let me warm you, baby.”
He seeks your consent, desperate to make you feel good but not willing to further his actions.
“Mmm, maybe just a little more.”
His fingers seek purchase further, finally diving into your folds. He gasps into your ear as he feels how wet you’ve become from his ministrations, stroking gently up and down your slick slit and circling over your clit.
“Fuck, look at you,” he nearly whines into your ear. “So wet for me.”
“Please, Hobi,” you whimper. You’re not sure what you’re begging for, what you need, but all you want is for him to not stop, never stop.
“You want me to keep going, don’t you?” He asks, teasingly circling the pad of his finger on your swollen clit.
Unable to use your words, you nod. The light pressure on your clit has your thighs trembling and Hoseok thrills at the palpable desperation you’re feeling.
“Are you going to be quiet for me?” He asks, slowly moving his finger down before breaching into your channel. “Can’t be waking up the entire camp.”
Using your hand, you clamp over your mouth as your boyfriend's finger fucks into your hole, slowly and achingly gentle but with purpose. A shiver runs down his spine as he watches you try to hold yourself back. You’re not normally quiet—he makes it his mission to get you to whine and cry and yell his name as loud as he can when you’re at home. But the thrill of keeping you quiet while he sinks himself into you makes his body hum with want.
“Good girl,” he cooes as he introduces another finger inside you, scissoring you open with his lengthy digits. “Better stay quiet for me or I won’t let you cum.”
He quickly removes his fingers from your channel, making you whine behind your hand, which he silences with a soft tut.
“No complaining. Be good.”
He continues his journey to disrobe you, sliding off your pants and panties. He throws them to the other side of the tent where your luggage lies, no care about you wearing them the rest of the night. He follows suit with his own pants, swiftly pulling the material off his legs and allowing his throbbing cock to spring free. You desperately want to touch it, feel it in your hands and in your mouth, but he keeps you facing away from him, cock fully out of your reach.
“Such a perfect little ass,” he murmurs to himself as he admires your backside before sliding back into the big spoon position. The feeling of his hot, hard length against your bare ass makes you mewl with desire, teasingly rubbing against it.
“Fuck, Hobi,” you gasp as he slips his hands back to the apex of your thighs, scissoring into you again and warming his icy fingers in the heat of your cunt.
“Shhh,” he reminds. “Let me give your mouth something to do, yeah?”
He pulls his dripping fingers from within your walls and brings them to your mouth. You eagerly open wide, obedient and desperate for something to take your mind off the growing neediness your body is throbbing with.
Watching you suck your own wet slick off his fingers makes Hoseok’s cock ache with need. The tip is weeping with pre-cum, as if crying out to bury itself within your walls and never retreat. It twitches as your tongue swirls over his digits, teasing him and reminding him how well you can suck his cock.
“Shit, baby,” he gasps. “I’m going to bust right now if you’re not careful.”
He pulls his fingers from your mouth and uses the spit-slick hand to lift your leg enough for him to line his cock up at your hole.
“You want to warm my cock for me, baby?” He nips at your shoulder as he rubs the bulbous head along your slit. “God, I want to be in this pretty little cunt all night. Can you keep me warm tonight?”
“P-please, baby,” you gasp as the tip prods at your entrance, threatening to breach. He preemptively moves his free hand back to your mouth, covering it gently to help keep your noisy mouth muffled.
“Such a polite girl.” Hoseok’s lips skim over your neck and ear, nibbling at your lobe as he finally, blessedly, spears himself into you.
“Fuuuck,” he whines as he drops his forehead against your soft hair, shuddering as he buries himself to the hilt. “You’re so fucking tight.”
Nothing compares to the feeling of Hoseok sinking himself into you. It’s like the first time, every time. He clings to you desperately, as if he wants to bury his entire self in between your thighs and never retreat. Being connected to your boyfriend like this, not knowing where he ends and you begin, is the most dazzling aspect of sex. Your heart beats in overtime, breath short and heavy, as he holds you like you’re his only worthy possession in life.
He doesn’t move, doesn’t withdraw his cock and plunge back into you like his body is begging him to. He wants nothing more than to roll you onto your stomach and fuck you until you’re screaming his name for the entire national forest to hear, but he doesn’t.
“Mmm, Hobi, please,” you whine against his palm, kitten licking the flesh there to encourage him to move. It almost works, almost spurs him into action, but he remains flush against you and unmoving.
“Just trying to keep you warm, baby,” he teases. “Skin-to-skin contact.”
He can feel your body tense and shake around him, core tightening as you’re desperate to feel the friction you desire. It makes Hoseok nearly growl into your ear, clutching you tighter in his grasp.
“Now you want to fuck me?” He teases into your ear. “I thought you were tired?”
A pathetic whimper is the only response you can muster. You’re desperate for more, aching for his thick cock to thrust in and out of you. His hand slips down your body, caressing each inch of your skin before landing on your clit, circling the nub teasingly.
“I bet you could cum like this,” he breathes as he slowly swirls his finger. “With my cock stuffed inside you.”
He’s right—your body is already reacting to the stimulation and you can feel your body clenching around his unmoving length deep inside you. It’s prodding you in just the right spot that makes you keen, core desperate for some movement. His added touch makes you whine into his palm still covering your mouth.
“That’s right, baby,” he praises as he bites at your earlobe. “Such a needy little pussy, so desperate for me you could cum just from feeling me inside you.”
The pressure rises, stomach tightening as you feel your body near the edge of bliss. You can feel your thighs trembling as Hoseok whispers and nibbles at your ear, fingers working your clit with just the right rhythm to make you see stars.
His finger swirls with delicate speed, playing you like the nimble musician he is.
“Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already about to cum for me.”
Holding back your desperate moans, your eyes nearly roll back in their sockets as you feel your body build closer and closer to the blissful end that it craves. Having him buried deep inside you with none of the delicious friction is driving you crazy, and the speed of his fingers on your clit makes you keen for anything he can give you. You’re so close, so *fucking close* to your climax that your vision blurs.
Suddenly, the telltale sound of another tent zipper opening rips through the relative silence of the campground and Hoseok stills his finger on you.
“Shhh,” he warns, lifting his head to listen carefully.
The sound comes from your left, Jungkook’s tent, and you squeeze your eyes tight and whimper into Hoseok’s palm at the ache in your belly. Jungkook stumbles around the campground before he makes his way out, and Hoseok smirks as the footsteps get quieter.
“That was close, baby,” he says as his finger teases over your throbbing clit. “We don’t want Jungkookie to find his friend like this, don’t we?”
You shake your head, body trembling as his finger provides not-enough stimulation on your tortured clit.
He keeps quiet and continues his feather-light touch, pleased at the unexpected orgasm denial and the way it makes your cunt clench around his cock as if coaxing it to give you what you need most.
“You better not be loud,” he warns. “You don’t want to ruin our fun, right?”
Agonizing moments later, Jungkook’s footsteps return and he zips himself back into his tent and quickly heads back to sleep. He remains stilled inside you, listening intently for any sounds of the others awakening.
After minutes of desperate silence and your needy cunt aching for your boyfriend to move, he rolls you onto your stomach with him on top, cock still buried deep within you.
“You’ve done so well,” he praises as he leans down and licks a fat stripe on the back of your neck, making you shiver. “Take your reward like a good girl.”
Without warning, Hoseok grips at your hips and starts a brutal pace, fucking you fast and hard while staying quiet. It feels so good, better than the feeling of him being still inside you. Nothing can compare to his thickness spearing into you, stretching you wide. The ridges of his cock feel like heaven from the position he has you in, and you can feel the stimulation building upon your ruined, curtailed orgasm from earlier.
He quickly rams a piece of the sleeping bag into your mouth, forcing you to be quiet as he nearly impales you open, burying himself as deep into your womb as he can before retreating and thrusting in for more. You can tell he’s close by the way his movements lose finesse, the way his hands grip your thick hips as if he’s grasping a lifeline.
“Gonna fill you up,” Hoseok whispers harshly, his voice taking on the rough edge that makes your body react. “You want my cum, baby?”
Your mouth is full, but your head nods quickly and you arch your back to let him reach even deeper inside of you, desperate to get yourself and him off simultaneously.
“Shit,” he groans as he feels your body accept him even further at this new angle, your ass high in the air. He grips it, enjoys the way the flesh jiggles in his grip and with each thrust. “Cum on my cock, baby, please.”
Hoseok doesn’t beg, hardly ever, so when he’s desperate for your release, you’re equally desperate to give it to him. As he pounds into you, taking full advantage of your prone body and lifted hips, the dam holding back your climax finally erupts, making your walls quiver and squeeze around his cock and forcing you to bury your face as far as you can into your sleeping bag to muffle your whines.
He wishes he could hear your screams, wants to hear the way you cry his name out as your cunt milks him, begs him for his own end. Another round of thrusts and he feels it all snap, cock pulsing out hot spurts of cum into your eager and waiting channel.
He pulls out of you, loving the way his cum follows him out, dribbling out of your spent pussy weakly. He lifts a finger and scoops it up, pushing it back into your juicy walls and nearly whining as he feels it wet and sopping with his release. You’re pulling the sleeping bag from your mouth, panting hard from your own release and turning around to look at your boyfriend, hips wiggling.
Hoseok smiles fondly at you, removing his finger from your walls and rubbing the smooth skin of your ass.
“Are you warm?” He asks with a smirk, knowing by the sheen of sweat on both of your bodies that you’ve successfully warmed up in the bite of the chilly night.
He flops down beside you and pulls you in close, snuggling into the sleeping bag while kissing your face gently.
Hoseok’s cock is still hard, still aching even after a release and you’re quick to grasp it in your hands, finally getting a grip on it for the first time tonight.
“Better keep you warm all night like I promised, huh?” You smile sleepily as you lift your leg to allow him entrance to your center yet again. “Keep me full all night please, baby?”
He is loath to deny you, and the wet heat of your used pussy feels like heaven. He holds you closer, pulls you in tight as he buries his cock as far as he can go, before kissing you sweetly once more.
He knows he’ll wake up in a few hours, dick throbbing with a need to take you for yet another round, but for now, he revels in the warmth and love and safety he feels when he’s connected to you in nearly every way.
“By the way, I love you too, Hoseok,” you whisper to him after a few moments of silence, recalling to the sweet whispered words around the campfire.
Hoseok smiles as he closes his eyes, body and soul in pure bliss.
And when Namjoon complains in the morning that he could hear the sounds of his little sister getting railed, Hoseok will let him know he ensured you didn’t suffer from hypothermia—that it’s his job as boyfriend to ensure you’re kept safe,
and always kept warm.
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TOH Character’s Greek Godly Parents
Eda & Lilith~
I’m honestly torn between Zeus or Athena, either would make sense. Both women are smart and strategic, maybe in different ways, but they definitely are. Lilith being more obviously so; studious, hard working, and clever. Eda is also very hard working, more stubborn then studious, and she is cunning. All those traits would fit children of Athena. But they’re both incredibly powerful and hot headed, fitting children of Zeus. Plus the way they battled in AOAW with all the lightning around then I’d tell tale Zeus.
Luz~
Another one where I could see two different ones, Hecate or Zeus. With Luz’s desperation to learn magic (and the references in the Azura books) the goddess of sorcery seems like a good choice. There are two major issues with that though: 1.) Hecate’s magic has been notoriously learned by Circe (the one who turned men into pigs) and Medea (the one who tried to poison Theseus), so generally they were considered not the best people. 2.) Camila is already known as Luz’s mother. So then Zeus would also be a pretty decent option. Luz has shown to be a magnet for trouble, she has shown to be a quick learner even if she was behind, and she’s shown she’s incredibly powerful. She’s heroic and brave, she’s has her morals but is incredibly loyal to her friends and family.
Amity, Edric, & Emira~
This one depends on a few things, if you think they all have the same godly parent I would say Nike. They all want to be/are the best, they want to win at everything they do. For Ed & Em it comes more naturally, while Amity has to work way harder for her victories. But I do think there are other, more accurate, godly parents, but that would make them half siblings (Odalia being their biological mother). Ed & Em would easily be children of Hermes, I don’t think I have to say more (TROUBLEMAKERS). Amity was a little harder but I settled on Hades. Since Amity can raise abominations the equivalent might be raising the dead. She’s also broody and sometimes hostile which is trademark Hades.
Boscha~
Ares... it just makes sense. Boscha is competitive, in more than occasionally a violent way.
Viney~
I settled on her being the daughter of Asclepius (god of healing). I didn’t really want her to be the daughter of Apollo because I think she would be in the Hunters of Artemis. Also Apollo is the god of medicine, prophecies, poetry/music, where as Asclepius is focused on healing. And the Hunters of Artemis are the closest thing to beast keeping
Willow~
She’s the daughter of Demeter, no arguing. I could see Demeter befriending her fathers and listening to them saying they wanted a child. So she kinda just made one out of both of their DNA (Hera and Athena did it so idk).
Gus~
I think his mother would be Athena. It makes sense since he is smart enough to be moved up to grades and has a passion for learning. Also since we have met his dad, Perry seems like the type of person Athena would be drawn to, he’s a reporter/journalist so he seeks out knowledge and the truth
Barcus~
I’m going to say Apollo solely because he is the god of prophecy. Barcus is definitely the quiet kid in the Apollo cabin though. He get prophetic dreams, a lot of times about his half siblings and friends, he stopped telling them after something tragic happened to someone he was close to.
Skara~
Another Apollo kid, just for a different reason. Hermes may have created the lyre but it since he stole Apollo’s scared cows in the process. Apollo was hella mad until he heard the music, they traded some stuff and Apollo got the lyre, becoming his musical instrument of choice. Long story short, Skara is musically gifted therefore Apollo would make sense as her godly parent
Jerbo~
At first I was thinking either Demeter or Hades but ended up deciding on Demeter, just because I could see him making a plant golem instead of raising the undead.
#edric and emira#edric blight#emira blight#gus toh#lumity#vinira#willow toh#luz noceda#amity blight#lilith clawthorne#eda clawthorne#skara toh#boscha toh#barcus toh#viney toh#jerbo toh#the owl house
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Soulmate AU part 11!!!
First • Previous • Here • Next
Marinette could still feel the way the blood had been against her hands.
Sticky, warm against Pam’s body, but too cool afterwards. She’d wiped it on her dress without a second thought. The streaks it left on her palms and fingers, the way it was gummy and crusted under her nails. It dried to flaking as they had walked back to the hotel.
And of course, she’d had to deal with Adrien and Chloé, waiting diligently in the lobby for her. Distantly, she’d thought meanly that this was why she’d planned the gardens tour first, so they wouldn’t have a time limit except dinner when they went shopping after. She’d felt a little bad about pushing them off on Damian, but- they were her friends. Partners. The closest two people she had in her life. He’d either learn to deal with them or she’d- well. If he was her soulmate, he shouldn’t have any problem anyway.
The second her door shut behind her she let herself collapse against it, Trixx and Kaalki zooming out to check on her.
“Marinette?” Trixx patted her face, wiping away the small trail of blood that had somehow gotten there.
“I just-“ she choked down another tearful breath. “I’m just too used to Akumas. I can fix everything and bring them all back and it’s never- permanent. And they don’t /mean/ it. These people- they kill, and they don’t care. I forgot that that happens without the magic, too.” She paused for a second, looking down at her streaked skin.
“The blood doesn’t stay around after the Cure.”
They both nestled against her and she let them comfort her for a minute. Then she shooed them off.
“I’m scrubbing this all off.”
She did, as quickly as she could, every trace of red she could find on her body. She cleaned her hair, and then stepped out, feeling moderately better.
“Here,” Kaalki gestured proudly at an outfit sitting on the bed. Marinette inspected it, the pink shirt familiar and the jeans comfortable, with her normal converse and a thin black shawl that made it a bit more elegant than just a usual outfit.
“Thank you,” She said, already pulling it on. God only knew what Chloé and Adrien were up to in her absence. She barely bothered with reapplying her lip gloss and mascara, but Chloé could and would make her displeasure known, so she took the half minute to do so.
The kwamis moved her stuff to a new purse and hopped in, ready with snacks. She left as quickly as she could, closing the door and then turning directly into somebody.
“Watch it, Cheng,” Lila simpered. “You wouldn’t want to give me another bruise.”
“Is that what you told them this morning?” Marinette said coldly. She didn’t have time for this. “I don’t care anymore, Lila. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
She tried to move past her, but Lila’s arm shot out to block her.
“I don’t know what you think you’re planning,” Lila hissed, “But it won’t work.”
“Some of us don’t waste our energy planning to ruin other people,” Marinette sighed. “Listen, I’ve tried being nice, I’ve tried revealing you, I’ve tried leaving you alone. I don’t know what you want or expect from me, Lila, but I’m tired of this game. Leave me alone. You have the class.”
“Not all of them,” Lila smirked. “But we’ll see. And I will get what I want, even if you don’t know what it is yet.”
Marinette just shook her head and turned around. She could take the stairs.
And she rushed down to find Adrien and Chloé bothering Damian as expected.
“If you would stop threatening him or two seconds,” Marinette yelled, running the last bit as Chloé was glaring at Damian. She gave her friends her coldest stare. Chloé returned it, her lips twitching upwards.
“Disgustingly pretty as always,” She said, and Marinette relaxed. She wouldn’t be yelled at for the makeup then.
“So,” She turned back to her soulmate, securing her grip on his arm. At first it had been a challenge of sorts, what with the odd electricity of their bond, but now it just felt- natural, to loop her hand through and rest there. “Damian, what do you suggest we do?” She let him give her friends one last look before turning her towards the door and away from them.
“I intended to take you to lunch, if you would allow me,” he said stiffly, but she was starting to realize that either he was far more awkward and shy than even he realized and this was how it manifested as someone who was expected to interact with people and the media, or it was quite possibly just the way he spoke.
She gave him her best encouraging smile. She was so torn between- liking him right of the bat, and just giving in to the idea that this person was literally made to match her in every way, even if it seemed like some of those ways were quite opposite, and being extremely wary. She wasn’t falling in love instantly the way she thought she might with a soulmate, there was just too much getting in the way of her thoughts about him. For one, the fighting. She’d been fighting akuma for years now, and even with her lessons from her mother and Kagami and occasionally Kagami’s mother- she was no where near his level, even with her concerted effort. Which meant that her soulmate had been doing this much longer, much more consistently, and with even higher training than her. She couldn’t look at him now without thinking that he was, well…
Dangerous.
She realized that Damian was subtly watching her again and did her best to shake her ramblings from her mind. She could keep having a good time with him even while trying to figure out why she felt so on the edge.
“So, what kind of place are we heading to for lunch?” She prodded, and she even caught him blush a little when he realized she knew he was looking.
Cute.
“A small place nearby, one that my brothers have showed me before.” She was starting to figure out that every mention of his brothers was accompanied by a frown bordering on scowling, but looking at his eyes she was pretty sure he was just posturing.
“If you keep frowning like that I’m gonna think you aren’t having a good time with me,” She tried to tease, and she watched his mouth fall open.
“No-“ He immediately refuted. “I just- You-“
“I’m joking,” She stopped him. “You just- you make this face every time you mention your brothers. Why is that?”
“They’re idiots,” He said immediately, going straight back to the scowl. “And I try not to think of them if I don’t have to.”
“I don’t have siblings.” Marinette says, though she’s sure that he knows this. “Unless you count Adrien and Chloé. I try not to.”
He laughs at that, to Marinette’s delight. “Your friends are… interesting.”
“You haven’t even met Luka and Kagami yet,” she says dryly. “If you think Adrien and Chloé are interesting…”
“Do you- intend to introduce me to them?” He says, blinking. She realizes that, even with her misgivings, she’s been thinking about, well, long term things with him. Him visiting Paris. Her visiting Gotham again.
“Yes,” She says firmly. “Though, not anytime soon- they’re still back in Paris, of course.”
He smiles a bit at that, so she guesses she wasn’t the only one who had been thinking of this going on.
“We’re here,” He says, and she expects some restaurant, probably one she’d be underdressed for.
Instead, it’s a small, homey diner nestled between two larger buildings.
“It’s-“ he pauses. “My siblings and I end up all over the city sometimes. It’s a good, central place to meet.” He smirks then, and opens the door for her. “And the food is second only to our butler’s.”
She laughs and heads in, Damian trailing after her.
TAGLIST:
@the-fusionist @rebecarojas07 @lowandco @kotaleartzu @resignedcatservant @alenee13 @mystery-5-5 @ladybug-182 @actual-disaster-human @loysydark @rumbelle18 @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @athena452 @mochegato @ash-amg @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @thestressmademedoit @sassakitty @doriebell @toodaloo-kangaroo @myazael @theatreandcomicfreak @mer-mel @dahjokester @northernbluetongue @abrx2002 @area51qt @jessigurl-design @renscorpio @cici-schnee @multplelifes @redscarlet95 @razzledazzle247 @rosep16 @emotionalsupportginger @kceedraws @tired-butterfly @kuroko26 @catthhay @moonystars14 @shamefullove @shreky-boi @imanerddealwith @chaosace @captainmac6 @purple-people-eaters-productions @crazylittlemunchkin @weird-pale-blonde-person @bigpicklebananatree
#maribat#daminette#daminette soulmates#soulmate au#fanfic#ok so i dont think im going to continue any further on the actual 'date'#word of god is they exchange numbers and he plans to possibly meet up with her wherever her class is going tomorrow#and then he walks her back to the hotel like a gentleman because shes had a long day and its only like. 2
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sorry you know me I like to ask a million questions so here it goes- Tinsel:5,18,20,27,31,39,40 / Nila:13,28/Roman:11,6,7/Benji:4,19/Saoirse: 20,25,27 /Fionn: 6,7,10,33/ Scone:21,23 - sorry can’t remember the other siblings off the top of my head and these are the major ones anyway right haha? and this is a lot of questions anyway soooo
Ooo we're getting into the selkies tonight
Tinsel
5. What was their childhood fear?
Being alone or left behind. It was definitely a threat when they were a kid like "if you aren't on the caravan before we leave at noon, we're leaving you behind". I don't think their parents would have actually left them behind when they were small but it was enough of a threat that they and their siblings listened for the most part. Its not so much a childhood fear as it is a regular adult fear now.
18. If they could live or visit anywhere, where would they go?
Tinsel really likes where they live but they do have dreams about living on a sunny coast with their partners when they all settle down. Idk if there's anywhere specific they want to visit? They just go where the adventure leads them. I think they would like to visit somewhere to meet up with their family, tho.
20. What did they dream of "growing up" to be?
Oh man, Tinsel wanted to be an A List celebrity actor. They wanted to be lead role in blockbusters. It was a big goal for them but they were sure they could do it.
27. Have they achieved any of their childhood dreams? Are they still trying? Have those dreams changed?
They've gotten some of their childhood dreams! They moved to Holly Bay and made tons of friends. They got to act in live theater. They were almost in a movie! They got some notoriety from adventuring and were on TV for it. They got to kiss their childhood crush. They didn't quite make it to the A List after getting blacklisted but they're def still trying.
In regards to how they changed: I don't think they changed too much but they did see how hard it was to achieve them. Plus, they started dreaming about having a family when they were with Bast so that's definitely something they want now.
31. Who are they when they aren't with the party?
When they're not with the party, Tinsel is way less open about themself. They're a master of either talking around a question or lying by omission and they use it when they don't feel comfortable sharing. Pre-adventure, they didn't really even tell their closest friends the entire truth about their backstory (which is honestly buckwild and hard to believe anyway) or their relationship with Bast or really anything about their love/sex life.
I think it's bc they don't think Kira and Zona will judge them.
39. If someone could tell them anything about the future they asked, would they want to know? Would they ask?
I think they have actually, they asked if they were going to get married. I don't think they would want to ask something super serious because they aren't going to listen to a no.
40. What sets them free?
A good support system. Tinsel's very talented and driven but they need the power of friendship to keep them from burning out.
Nila
13. How do they like to spend afternoons free?
Nila likes to paint. She dipped her toe into art forgery for a little bit but decided it was more fun to steal the real thing and do her own work on the side. She has one of those cute little travel watercolors she uses to paint landscapes when she gets some time alone. Absolutely no one knows she has this hobby.
28. If they could change their class(es), would they? To what?
I dont think she'd change her class from rogue but she would def take some wizard skills.
Roman
11. What were their teenage years like?
He was a horrible teenage boy, mostly bc he wanted attention. He started off with red hair but occasionally made it redder when he got teased about it. He activated the Cain instinct in a lot of his siblings but I think Tinsel tried to kicked his ass the most purely due to how close their ages are. He shot them with an arrow by accident once and never lived it down.
His mom taught him archery at around 14-15 and he got very good at it to try and impress her. He left home around 18/19, picked up some odd jobs/repaired archery equipment professionally for a few years until Nila called him up like "hey bro miss you let's do this heist together".
6. Did they grow up with siblings? What were those relationships like?
Yes lmao my boy has 9 siblings. I sort of talked about this in the last question but yeah he liked to stir the pot for attention. Even though they tried to kick his ass, his siblings still love him. Him and Saoirse always got along really well and I'm p sure she stopped him from actually getting murdered as a kid lol. He really doesn't have a bad relationship with any of them, though, besides still owing Scone a bunch of money. Rome's a lot of fun and he's the kind of guy who will give or share anything with you. He is just A Lot.
7. How were their relationships with their parents/guardians growing up?
He def knew he wasn't the favorite child lol. I think once Knox realized why his kid was acting up, he made sure to spend some extra time with him every once and a while. And once he showed promise in archery, his relationship with Fulki got better too. I think he has an okay relationship with his parents right now but he definitely would never live with them again.
Benji
4. Who was their childhood hero?
Their dad! They're very similar people and he looks up to him a lot.
19. How does the high noon sun make them feel?
Sleepy... It's too darn hot. He's 100% not interested in going out at high noon so he's either taking a nap or hanging out somewhere shady with Folsom.
Saoirse
20. What did they dream of "growing up" to be?
I don't know if Saoirse had one specific dream. What she did know is that she didn't want to get married and she didn't want to have kids. I think she went through a bunch of phases on what she wanted to be when she grew up until she landed on being a wizard. When that stuck, she just leaned hard into it.
25. What is their comfort item/habit?
She's definitely one of those "make a hot beverage when I'm stressed" kind of people. She's also a stress baker... Which used to be a "make potions and light stuff on fire" habit but she realized she gets muffins if she bakes instead.
She also has a bunch of stuffed animals in her room, purely because she's an adult wizard and no one can tell her not to have stuffies.
27. Have they achieved any of their childhood dreams? Are they still trying? Have those dreams changed?
Oh, she totally achieved the wizard thing and now she's a real Howl Pendragon figure. She got bored being by herself so she applied to get some apprentices, but due to a clerical error, she wound up with a couple of brothers (Max and Arseny) who were way too young to be apprentices. She's basically raising them as her kids (they call her mama and the Townes all consider them grandkids/nephews lol) but Saoirse insists they're still her apprentices in public.
Fionn
6. Did they grow up with siblings? What were those relationships like?
Fionn was the golden oldest brother! He and Saoirse were basically 3rd/4th parents so the rest of the siblings came to love/respect him. He was really good at keeping the peace. Dude would have made a fantastic diplomat. The siblings especially liked when he told them stories about life before their family left the Muirs or stories about knights/heroes. It was a rough day when he disappeared and the siblings that remember him really miss him.
7. How were their relationships with their parents/guardians growing up?
Very strained. Like, he was def the favorite child, but Fionn really had some childhood trauma from The Fall that they couldn't help him with bc they also had it. He sort of resents that he got put into the auxiliary parent role on top of it. I think ultimately they expected way too much out of him so it was only natural he'd disappear and be feral.
10. When did their childhood end?
I don't think it was a definite ending, more of a gradual thing around his early teens when he realized he had a lot of responsibilities.
Scone
21. How did they become an adventurer?
Scone's best friend Latte (a Yuke who's good with magic) sent her a letter that suggested they'd make a good caravanning team. She was itching to leave the family caravan (she was tired of bailing her siblings out and knew that adventuring was good money) so she agreed!
23. What is their role in the party? Not just their class on a meta level, but among the individuals who make up the party?
Imagine a buff accountant and you have Scone lol.
Like Tinsel, Scone is the tank in combat. However, unlike Tinsel, Scone is weirdly responsible. She makes sure all the supplies are stocked and in order, makes sure everyone takes care of themselves and she keeps track of their earnings. She can be outgoing but she prefers to let her team do the social leg work.
#This is a big one omg but I loved it#Thank u Marlo#Gwen asks#Tinsel T Townes#Nila Townes#Roman Townes#Benji Townes#Saoirse Townes#Fionn Townes
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Back For You (Mob! Seb AU)
The Completed Series.
Mob Boss! Sebastian Stan x Reader.
Run-through: You fell for the charms of a beautiful stranger, but then you fell down the rabbit hole.
Themes: mob boss! Seb, language, SMUT, slight fluff, Daddy kink
A/N: I will forever be a hoe for this shoot!!
“See you tomorrow, y/n. And don’t forget the back door,” your co-worker yelled as she walked out of the door. Her shift ended early today, while you still had an hour left and it was your turn to close down today.
You worked at the local pub. It was a quiet, cozy space and given it was quite a small town – not that many people visited. And those who did, were all just overworked, tired people who just needed a pint of beer or Guinness before going home to their boring lives.
You quickly glanced at the clock and it read 10:05 p.m.
Just one more hour until you could go home.
You weren’t desperate to go home, you lived alone and you liked it. Your parents were separated and lived in different cities, and you had no siblings. And neither did you have a boyfriend.
After you graduated from college recently, all your days were spent dropping CVs basically anywhere; without getting any calls back and in the evening you worked at the pub so you could pay your bills. Your dad was loaded, so he did send you money every month but you didn’t want to be living off his money so you only touched it when you desperately needed to.
You were re-arranging the glasses on the counter top when the bell dinged, signaling that someone had walked in. The clock read 10:45 p.m.
Weird, you thought, usually no one comes by at this time. The only customer who stayed till late was Johnny, the divorced dad of three and he left at 9.30 every night, and usually after him there was no other customer. But today was different.
“Hello? Are you closing?” a voice husky voice asked, as gradual footsteps echoed off the walls of the empty pub.
You turned your head towards the door and noticed the man at the entrance.
An unfamiliar man, you had never seen him before so you assumed he was passing by.
He was tall, well dressed and looked to be very… expensive.
You studied his appearance further and noticed how blue his eyes were, and how his appearance screamed power and dominance.
As soon as he walked in, his cologne lingered in the air. He looked intimidating, and he looked good. Like really, really good.
The kind of good that would make someone wanna get close but run away at the same time.
“No, sir. It’s open. What can I get you?” you asked in your professional voice and he smiled, taking a seat right in front of you at the counter, smiling.
You noticed the crinkles by his tired, yet breathtaking blue eyes and somehow got lost in them temporarily.
He looked like he was in his late thirties, and he looked way more handsome than half the boys in the magazines.
“Oh thank God! I’ve been wandering for a good 30 minutes looking for a beer. It’s been a rough day,” he said, licking his pink lips. You smiled faintly and you grabbed the closest pint glass and immediately started filling it up by lifting the valve of the beer tap.
While you were at it, you noticed that the beautiful stranger hadn’t lifted his eyes off you. You shook it off because you were pretty sure he was probably lost in his thoughts, because he was way out of your league to stare at you.
Once you finished pumping the beer, you placed it in front of him. He picked it up almost immediately and took a long sip, all while maintaining eye contact with you.
You cleared your throat and looked away once he swallowed the sip and went back to pretending to be busy arranging the other glasses on the counter.
“What’s your name?” he asked, placing his elbows on the counter and leaning on it.
You don’t know what it was, but something about him made you nervous. And you barely knew him.
“Y/n.” you simply replied, scared that you would make a fool of yourself by stuttering if you said anything else.
He smiled, genuinely.
“That’s a pretty name. I’m Sebastian by the way,” he smirked and you decided to have a little talk with the gorgeous stranger. After all, you wouldn’t see him ever again.
“Well what brings you to our little town, Sebastian?” you asked and he took another sip of beer. He sighed once he finished swallowing the beverage.
“Ah, work stuff. Just, really boring work stuff, doll. You from around here?” he further asked.
You nodded, placing one last pint glasses where it belonged and moved to stand right in front of him, placing the palms of your hand on either side of your frame.
He was barely two feet away from you and you weren’t complaining. His voice, his smile, his ocean eyes…they all drew you in like a trance.
“Born and raised. My parents lived here all their lives too before they- I, I’m sorry I shouldn’t be piling on you like that, I apologize sir,” you rambled but he placed one of his warm hand on top of yours, causing you to look him in the eyes.
“Hey, it’s okay. We all need someone to confide in, be it strangers. Talk to me, c’mon. I don’t really have people who tell me stuff, most of them just listen,” he spoke, avoiding your eyes often during his speech.
“I know, it’s just weird that- I mean, I don’t usually tell people stuff. My friends, they all left town to settle in big cities and I’m left here, alone,” you spoke and a hand lifted your chin up.
“Hey, it’s okay. You know, you won’t be alone forever,” he said, smiling and his words made you chuckle.
He placed his hands back on the counter too quickly, almost as if he was scared you might misunderstand his touch.
“Yeah, like anytime now my prince charming will come by in his shining golden armor and on white horse and he’ll sweep me off my feet and we’ll ride to his kingdom,” you joked and he smiled, shaking his head.
“Or, maybe he’ll come by in a black car, wearing a dark suit and instead of taking you away to his kingdom on a horseback, he’ll simply ask you if he can drop you home,” Sebastian spoke smoothly, a grin on his face while his eyes had a hint of mischief in them.
You found yourself at a loss of words. Needless to say, you sucked at flirting. And with a man this good looking offering to drive you home, you didn’t know how to respond.
“Well, I’ll tell him I can walk back, there’s no need for him to bother,” you did your best and it made him smile. And something told you he wasn’t giving up just yet.
He kept his eyes on you as you shifted under his gaze. It was a chilly night but he was making you feel warm and tingly, in certain places more than others.
“It’s getting late and dark outside, doll. You shouldn’t walk alone, let me drop you.” His tone gave you the indication that he wasn’t one to negotiate with. He had an authoritative way of talking. His words were laced with superiority.
Everyone warns their kids, at some point, that they shouldn’t talk to strangers. Or take rides from them. Your parents did too, but here you were, breaking all the rules.
He sensed your hesitation and was quick to speak again.
“Don’t be scared doll, I won’t hurt you,” he said, and somehow, your heart convinced your brain and you agreed to let him drive you back home.
Was that a wrong move? You didn’t care, surprisingly.
He finished his drink, and you locked the back door, turned off all the lights, set the alarm and finally locked the front door – Sebastian watching all of your moves the whole time.
Normally, having a guy you barely knew staring at you would make you extremely uncomfortable but this was different, he was not making any weird comments or making you feel unsafe in anyway.
“Okay, I’m done. Again, you don’t have to drop me, I live nearby I-,”
“Oh I know I don’t have to, I want to though. Get in, y/n,” he opened the door to his sleek, shiny black car.
“I hope you won’t kidnap me, Sebastian. I’ll bore you to death so much that you’ll end up dropping me back here,” you joked, your words laced with sass and he threw his head back laughing.
“I would never, doll. Trust me,” he said, again and you stepped inside the expensive car, one which you could never afford anytime soon.
The pure leather interior felt cold under your touch. And the car smelt like Sebastian’s cologne, and something else. A faint, salty, smoky smell. Charcoal? You couldn’t place a finger on it.
Sebastian got in the driver’s seat and smiled at you again.
“I never thanked you, for the beer. I’ll be sure to drop by your pub again,” he said, his voice low and something about it make you shiver.
You didn’t even know this man that well, but he was doing things to you that no one ever did before. He was making you nervous just by talking.
“Sure, just know that late customers are annoying,” you sassed, and he laughed again.
His laugh was… hot.
He started the car with the push of a button and the engine purred.
“Where to, ma’am?” he asked, smirking.
You giggled.
“Drive down the main road, and then take a right once we pass the library, and my apartment building’s right there,” you gave him the directions and he listened with an occasional nod.
“Seat belt, doll,” he said, looking at your with his gorgeous eyes which lowkey made you breathless and once the belt clicked, the car took off.
The pub was at 15 minutes walking distance from your apartment, so the journey back to your apartment was much shorter. But with the sudden appearance of the thick tension in the air, each moment felt like a millennium.
The car ride was comfortably silent, with you stealing quick glances of Sebastian’s face.
“Hey, I never asked. What do you do? I mean, you said you were here for work, right? Where do you work?” you asked, casually.
And you couldn’t help but notice the slight reluctance in his voice as he answered your question.
“I, uh, deal with money. I make deals, with big shots you know CEOs and businessmen and people like that. It, uh, pays well. Which is why I’m always moving, a new city almost every day,” he explained, vaguely and you decided to leave it be because you didn’t want to come off as nosy.
A different city almost every day…
Your heart sank as those words rolled out of his kissable mouth. So he was a wanderer, meaning you definitely wouldn’t see him again.
Right?
In a couple of agonizing minutes, the car came to a halt.
It was time for you to part ways with the stranger. But something inside you stirred and suddenly all you wanted to do was to figure out the mysterious stranger. What was his deal? Why was someone so successful like him in your little town?
“Can I walk you to your apartment, doll?” he asked, politely. His eyes searched yours.
Doll… you mentally repeated the word a couple of times.
No one had ever called you ‘doll’ before. Did he think you were pretty? Did he find you cute in your dark green polo shirt, your black skinny jeans and your ankle boots? Did your way too messy, messy bun draw him in just like his perfect face did to you? Did your ordinary e/c eyes capture his attention like his dreamy blue ones did to you, so much so that he now wanted to walk you to your 2 bedroom apartment?
Men like him, you thought, aren’t usually seen with girls like you.
“Hello? Hey, doll, you okay?” he asked again, smiling.
He was just being nice but then your head went to the gutter.
Would he call you ‘doll’ in bed? Would he be the broody type who were silent in bed, or would he be more vocal? Would he groan or moan out your name, or would he just bite your shoulder to muffle the filthy sounds which would escape his mouth?
Would he be into foreplay? Would he be surprisingly gentle in bed and hold your hand while you’d ride him or would he pull your hair and spit in your mouth as he pounded into you from behind?
Would he…
“Yeah, I’m okay. Uh, I- I should go. There’s no need to walk me back, Sebastian, I’ll be fine. Thank you for the ride, have a good night. Oh and, safe travels to, um, wherever you’re going next. Goodbye,” you bade him goodbye with a smile. A smile which you faked to hide all the unholy thoughts you were having about this man you barely knew.
Normally, you weren’t the type to have one night stands, well you did have your fun while you were in college but now, you were much more careful.
He simply nodded as you stepped out of his expensive looking car, and rushed inside the boring, brown building.
You sighed when you saw the red on white sign still stuck to the elevator. The elevator had not been working for 2 weeks now, and each day, you had to take the many flights of stairs up and down. Ugh, you mentally groaned, there were so many stairs till you got to the fifth floor; your floor.
Reluctantly, you walked up the stairs, dragging your feet as you desperately wanted to feel the comfort of your bed. Perhaps the bed would feel nicer with a certain blue eyed someone in it – ugh! Brain, stop it!
You wanted to get into your home as soon as possible because your body needed food as well. Well, Sebastian is a full course meal, just say- fuck! Enough already, y/n!
He’s not thinking about you, he’s not thinking about you, he’s not thinking about you. He’s long gone okay, he’s probably about to catch a flight to another, lavish, grand city which you’ll never be lucky enough to visit.
Minutes later, you finally made it to your apartment. You threw the keys to the pub on the counter of your small kitchen and made your way to your bedroom, passing through your living room. Your apartment wasn’t that spacious but it was good enough. Of course, if someone like Sebastian were to- shit! There you go, thinking about him again.
“I think I’m going crazy,” you thought out loud as you stood in the middle of your living room, throwing your head back; facing the off white ceiling.
“Clearly, I mean first you forget your phone in my car, then you leave your front door unlocked and now you’re talking to yourself,” came a voice from behind you and you almost dropped on the floor in embarrassment.
Shit! Fuck! Fucking shit!
You turned around sheepishly and there he was, the man himself. Sebastian stood in the door way of your kitchen, facing you with your phone in his large hand.
His other hand was stuffed in his pocket and he had a mischievous smirk on. Oh well…
“Oh, I’m sorry- I, uh, I’m usually very careful but today, I don’t- God! Thank you, for bringing back my phone, Sebastian. And I’m sorry, I know how tiring the stairs can be and t-,”
Your words came to a complete stop as he walked towards you and stopped merely inches away from you.
At this point, within this close proximity, you could detect the faint smell of nicotine, beer and mint in his breath, mixed with the cologne he wore. His scent was enough to get any girl weak in her knees, and you were still standing so, you were kind of proud of that.
His azure eyes bore into yours and he seemed like he was looking for something in the depth of your eyes.
Slowly, cautiously, he extended his hand towards you until his knuckled ever so lightly caressed your cheek. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, thinking that when you’ll open them he’ll be gone. You thought it was all your imagination until you opened your eyes again and saw that he was still there. In your living room, in your apartment, inches away from you. And you had trouble understanding what was going on.
Despite the confusion, you found yourself relishing his touch.
His hand stroked your cheek, then your jaw and finally settled back on your cheek.
“I would say you’re just tired, doll. Or maybe someone is troubling your thoughts. Care to share?” he whispered, holding your face gently, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip gently.
Your thoughts were racing at a thousand miles an hour and your heart was beating insanely fast. You could hear your heartbeats ringing in your ears, yet all you could focus on was the sound of his voice. Weirdly, it calmed you down and made you feel all warm and tingly again.
“Wh-,”
The sound of a ringtone cut you off. And it wasn’t your own.
Sebastian sighed loudly and fished his pocket until he found his phone, he tapped on the screen and placed the device over his ear and had a serious look on his face.
“Qu’est qu’il y a maintenant?” he barked on the phone, anger lacing his words. You noticed how quickly his mood changed.
(What is it now?)
One moment he was being all caring, cocky and gentle with you and now, all of a sudden he’s mad at some poor someone on the phone.
Although, hearing him speak French fluently did do, um, things to you.
You stood in front of him as he kept arguing over the phone. The vein on his neck was now prominent and his eyebrows knitted and he pinched the bridge of his nose. You noticed that he was trying his best to not lose his calm in front of you.
As he spoke the foreign language, you found yourself getting more and more lost in the sound of his voice.
“Mais non, bandes de conards! Je vais tous vous tuer si ça ne se déroule pas comme je le veux!” he spat at the unknown caller again.
(No, sons of bitches! I will kill all of you if this doesn’t go my way!)
You understood nothing, not even a word, but it seemed like he swore once or twice. Either way, hearing his talk was… intriguing.
“Bein ouais, naturellement je le veux! Non, ne m’appelle pas sur ce numéro j- eh bein, je m’enfiche, je suis avec ma meuf. Oui, crétin j’ai une meuf. Maintenant fiche le camp, ne m’appelle plus,” with that, he ended the call and turned to your with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
(Well yeah, obviously I want it! No, don’t call on the number again I- well I don’t care, I’m with my girl. Yes, dickhead I have a girl. Now get lost, don’t call me again)
He gave you one of those looks which made you feel naked under his gaze.
“That was...,” you started but then your voice trailed off because you didn’t know what to say.
Tonight just keeps on getting weirder and weirder.
“That was someone who I work with. He’s being, uh, annoying to say the least,” Sebastian answered and smiled towards you again.
How can someone switch moods so fast?
“Where were we, doll?” he asked, taking a step forward once again. He stood right in front of you and you didn’t know if it was your imagination or was it really his body heat which wrapped itself around you.
Either way, you were glad about it.
“We were, uh, I mean you came to give me my phone and…,” your voice trailed off again as he dragged his finger down your arm, leaving behind a trail of goose bumps on your skin.
His touch was electric, cold fingers sliding across your warm skin; in that moment, you were completely under his spell. And the fact that you barely knew him, added its own magnetism to whatever it is that you were feeling.
Suddenly, you no longer wanted the charming prince anymore. You wanted him. You wanted Sebastian.
Sebastian leaned forward just the slightest bit and placed a light kiss on your cheek. He was being very gentle, so much so that he surprised himself.
Usually, women throw themselves at him, and he’d play hard to get for a while then eventually give in. But with you, it was different.
You didn’t try to touch him within the first few minutes of meeting him. You didn’t suggest that he should bring you home so you could ‘give him a good time’. You were barely even ready to accept his offer when he asked to drive you home.
He liked you.
“Can I kiss you, doll?” he asked, out of the blue, and his eyes never left yours.
His need for your consent surprised you. And you couldn’t talk, scared that your words would make no sense even if you tried.
You nodded in response to his question, and not even a second later, a pair of lips met yours in a needy kiss.
His arm wrapped around your waist while the other one held your head, his fingers tangled in your hair and his lips moved along with yours.
His kiss was steamy. His tongue occasionally stroked yours and his teeth often tugged on your bottom lip, dragging a breathy moan out of you.
Soon, both his hands traveled to your ass and he pressed you further into his built body. At that point, you lost all sense of proper judgment, you didn’t care about anything in that moment; all you knew was that you wanted him. Bad.
“Sebastian…,” you moaned mindlessly as his lips roamed around the skin of your neck, kissing and biting the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.
You could almost physically feel the sparks flying between you and him, firing up the lust in both your heads. And you weren’t complaining.
You let out a loud moan when he finally found your sweet spot, right above your collar bones right at the base of your neck. You felt him smirk against your skin as his pride amplified.
His lips found yours again, and he mercilessly bruised your lips with his own and you could feel your desire pooling in your underwear as your downstairs area throbbed in need for his attention.
“Where’s your bed, baby?” he simply asked and resumed assaulting your lips, while his hands settled under your shirt, right beneath your breasts. His thumb slowly caressed your clothed swells and his touch drove you insane.
Unable to talk, you simply pointed to the other side of the room – a door way which led to your bedroom.
Sebastian began walking the two of you in that direction when you suddenly stopped, halting him along with you.
You weren’t quite sure why you did that and clearly he was confused as well.
You broke the kiss briefly, placed your hands on the back of his neck while one gently held his face and you looked him in the eyes.
You noticed that his eyes were darker. Filled with passion, a fiery desire and a strong craving. His lips were much plumper than they were before, they were even a darker shade of pink – caused by you biting and tugging on them earlier.
His breathing was quicker, and as you were pressed up against his torso, you could feel his racing heartbeat; matching your own.
“Fuck…,” you thought out loud and he smirked again, placing his forehead against yours.
“You know, I’ll leave whenever you ask me to. Do you want me to go, and leave you all frustrated here? You want me to go and leave you to get yourself off using your pretty fingers, all while thinking about me? That, or do you want me to touch you everywhere you want me to and leave you begging for more?” he asked.
His words caused your core to throb even more. Your felt the dampness accumulate down there and the thought of him in your bed didn’t help at all.
His teeth nibbled along your jaw right when you were about to answer him, and your words turned into an involuntary moan.
“Answer me when I talk to you, doll,” he spoke again, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue; forcing all sorts of unholy thoughts in your head about all the ways in which he could use that skilled tongue better.
“I want you,” you simply said and he smirked again.
“Come on then, let me take care of you,” he spoke and resumed kissing you as his hands lightly tickled your skin under your shirt, causing you to giggle into the kiss.
The next thing you knew is being lightly pushed down into the satin sheets of your bed, his body blocking your view of anything else but him.
It was a huge contrast, him in your room. Your walls were highly decorated with a bunch of stuff you bought off Etsy and eBay. It was a very ‘Tumblr’ type of bedroom, with tones of burgundy, grey, white and certain shades of red. And then there he was, Sebastian in his pricey, black suit. The first few buttons of his now crinkly shirt messily open, courtesy of you.
He smiled warmly down at you and tugged on your shirt, searching your eyes again for any negative signs. You thought it was adorable how he would wait for your consent each time.
You took matters into your own hands and peeled your polo shirt off, mentally thanking yourself for randomly deciding to wear a matching set of underwear on that day.
It would be borderline embarrassing if you found yourself in bed with a gorgeous man while you wore your Captain America panties.
While you took your shirt off, he slowly got rid of your pants. And in no time, you were laid down in front of him in your set of mint colored underwear. And the mischief in his eyes let you know that he was liking what he saw.
“So beautiful…,” his voice trailed off as he placed his lips back on yours again.
His hands moved to your boobs and he toyed with your swells while occasionally twisting your clothed, erected nipples.
You moaned into his mouth and he lifted off of you for just a moment. He quickly got rid of his clothes, including his shirt and pants and kissed his way up to your lips again.
Each feathery touch of his mouth drove you further and further into oblivion, and the only thing you could focus on was his hands on your body.
He kissed his way down your body yet again and you were losing count of how many times he made you moan since he first touched you.
You felt him dragging his lips across your skin and down till he reached your belly button. He kissed his way around it until he reached the seam of your pale green underwear.
You supported yourself up using your elbows in order to get a better view of his actions and you noticed the very prominent hard on in his black briefs. You smirked, knowing perfectly well that he wouldn’t be able to tease you for long.
Out of nowhere, he placed a kiss on top of your clothed, dripping core and earned a loud out of you. You figured that he noticed how wet you were.
“Barely touched you and you’re dripping already, huh doll? God, such a good girl,” he whispered along your inner thighs as he slowly took off your underwear. Once he got rid of it, his mouth hovered over your glistening heat.
He placed a kiss on each of your hip bones and stalled, knowing how desperately you wanted him.
“Fuck! Sebastian… please,” you begged for his touch and he had a smug look on his face.
“Please what? Ask nicely, doll,” his husky voice spoke up again, driving to you the edge.
You shivered as he placed innocent kisses along your inner thighs in the meantime.
“Your mouth, I want your mouth, please,” you whined, looking at him with your pleading eyes until he finally gave in.
He wasted no time as he slipped his tongue past your wet folds, teasing your entrance relentlessly. Occasionally, he’d bite and tease the skin around your heat but he’d eventually get back to where you wanted him the most.
His lips worked wonders on your dripping heat as his hands wrapped themselves around your thighs, locking you in his tight grip, leaving you no other choice but to endure his sweet assault.
The wet sounds his mouth made against your soaking core was downright filthy, and so was the moans coming out of you.
Your hands held his head as he ate you out like his life depended on it.
His tongue lapped up any drop of desire which flowed out of you and his fingers slowly pumped in and out of you as his tongue flicked your sensitive bundle of nerves.
You soon felt the familiar pressure forming and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer, so you bucked your hips against his face and he got the memo. He flicked his tongue over your entrance rapidly and soon, you came undone with a loud moan.
His name, along with a series of cuss words left your lips like a chant as your back arched off the bed for a couple of seconds.
You squirmed under his touch and he watched in awe how your pretty face frowned in pleasure.
You cradled his face in your hands as he kissed his way upwards across your skin again. You noticed the dampness form your heat on his face and how it coated his chin and his lips. The sight of it was filthy enough to make you come again.
As he moved his body on top of yours, his clothed hard on rubbed against your sensitive core and another involuntary moan escaped your mouth.
He moved his mouth over the shell of your ear and left a bunch of kisses there before whispering into your ear.
“Very needy, aren’t you, doll? Want me to make you come again? You wanna come again around my cock, huh? Will you be a good and take my cock like a good girl?” he asked, his hand discretely slipping the straps of your bra down your shoulders as his words put you back under his spell.
“Yes, Sebastian please,” you whined, dragging your nails lazily down his back until you reached his briefs.
You pulled his underwear down and his length sprang free, hitting you in your inner thigh in the process. You smiled and Sebastian caught it.
“I’m gonna make you feel so good, babygirl,” he whispered, aligning his length to your already dripping core.
His leaking tip brushed against your wet folds and you both, simultaneously, let out a soft moan.
Your legs wrapped around his waist and kept him there, he supported himself above you using his elbow as his other hand held his erected length pressed up against your wet folds; teasing you and testing your patience.
You whined in annoyance and he smirked down at you.
“Tell me how much you want me,” he whispered against your lips as he slowly rubbed his tip up and down your soaked core; driving you crazy in the need for his touch and attention, in some very specific areas.
“Fuck, I want you so bad Sebastian. Please, it hurts, daddy make it better I promise I’ll be a good girl,” a series of mindless words left your lips and his eyes searched yours as soon as you called him ‘daddy’.
It intrigued him.
You looked up at him and bit your lip shyly. You had never told anyone, or any of your past lovers about your secret kink, but somehow, you managed to let it all out in front of a stranger you met like an hour ago. That’s the kind of hypnotic effect he had on you.
“Fuck! Don’t worry babygirl, daddy will make the pain go away,” he whispered against your lips before capturing them in a deep kiss and slipping his length inside of you at the same time.
You hissed when he fully penetrated you, the thickness of his length stretched you to your maximum and you were panting as he filled you to the brim.
He gave you a quick moment to get used to his size and when you kissed him back, slipping your tongue in his mouth, he took it as a sign which meant it was okay for him to move.
Your tongue stroked the top of his mouth as his length slipped in and out of your entrance gently, taking his time with you and allowing you to feel all of him. And you did.
You felt the prominent vein along his cock, and his throbbing red tip and it brushed against your walls each time he rocked into your wet heat.
He was being careful, cautious; watching your face intently as your eyes rolled back in pleasure. He didn’t want to hurt you, which is why he was taking it slow. Normally, he didn’t spend this much time and effort around a woman’s body. Usually, he’d fuck and leave in like 20 minutes, but here with you, this felt right. And he wanted to stay for as long as he could.
You liked that he respected you enough to be careful with you. But you wanted more, and he was taking his sweet time so you decided to act upon what you wanted.
While he was distracted with the amount of pleasure that your body brought him, you managed to flip the two of you so you straddled him, with his length still rims deep into your core.
He groaned as you bucked your hips against him, placing your hands on his chest and leaning down to kiss his perfect face.
“Baby, that’s not fair,” he moaned as you moved up and down his cock, your walls pumping him like he desperately wanted them to.
You could only moan in response as you moved up and down his length faster, your clit occasionally rubbing against the hairy base of his abdomen and adding to the pleasurable sensation.
“Fuck! Sebastian I-,” before you could finish your sentence, he flipped you both back over again; him being on top like he initially was.
“What did you just call me? It’s daddy to you, babygirl,” he said, stopping any movement which was bringing you closer to your release and you whined.
“Daddy, please! I’m sorry, just fuck me, please!” you moaned, trying to buck your hips against him, but he stopped your actions by pulling out of you.
You noticed a thin layer of sweat covering his body and the scent of his raw skin turned you on even more.
You whined again, at the loss of contact from his God-crafted body and he clicked his tongue.
“No, bad girls don’t get to come just like that. Apologize and ask politely, babygirl,” he looked you dead in the eyes with his stormy blue ones and you shuddered under his gaze.
Your core throbbed and kept dripping as his didn’t move a muscle above you.
“I’m sorry daddy, please I need you, please it hurts,” you pleaded and he smiled down at you.
“Now that’s a good girl,” he spoke, kissing the sin under your ear, causing your back to lift off the bed and your chest pressed against his.
He slipped his length into you completely without any warning, and you moaned against his cheek. He tapped your thighs, letting you know that he wanted them around his waist because that gave him a better angle.
Once you locked your legs behind him, he pounded into you without any mercy.
“Oh my- fuck! Daddy…” you moaned as he rocked into your core at an insane speed.
“Fuck! You are so tight baby,” he whispered in your ear as he moved his hips rapidly against yours, causing the all too familiar pressure to form in between your hips once again.
“Daddy! I-,” your words were muffled by his mouth being placed in yours. He drank in every moan, every groan and every cuss word which left your mouth.
The kiss was messy, tongues battling one another while your lips made it their mission to bruise each other. Your hands held both his biceps as he filled you up more and more each time.
Your mind stopped functioning at one point and all you could make out was that his body was moving against yours wonderfully. And his cock touched every single nerve which it needed to inside of you.
His toned abs rubbed against your skin and he placed his forehead on top of yours. The simple gesture was so sweet and so intimate that suddenly, you didn’t want to let him go. You wanted him, here, with you every single day. But even your mind which was clouded with lust and desire knew that that was impossible.
He groan as his thrust got more and more relentless, both your bodies rocked together as he set the pace.
You moaned out his name shamelessly, and soon, the pressure was too much to handle.
“Daddy, can I come please?” you asked, your eyes rolling back again because the pleasure was way to intense.
He moaned at what you called him.
“Yeah babygirl, come for me. Come for daddy like the good girl you are. Taking my cock so well, come for me baby,” he whispered against the side of your mouth.
You let yourself go, and noticed that his thrust started losing their rhythm as well.
You rode through the waves of euphoria as it washed over you violently, and you knew he felt the same because despite being fucked into oblivion, you could still hear him whisper your name under his breath as he came, equally as hard as you.
You felt his warm load shooting inside of you and you smiled in satisfaction. His body soon went limp and he fell on top of you, still being slightly careful as to not crush you with his body weight.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulder and you heard him chuckle into your ear.
“Babygirl, you were so good,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
“You too, daddy,” you whispered in his ear and soon, you drifted off to sleep.
You were too tired to open your eyes but you felt as though somebody cleaned you, put you under the covers and wrapped their strong arms around you, nuzzling their face into your neck as you fell into a dreamless sleep.
-NEXT MORNING-
You woke up feeling sore, which was not surprising given last night’s activities. You woke up in a black shirt, with the buttons undone and carefully wrapped in your baby blue blanket.
You sat up in your bed and immediately check the other side of the bed. It was empty, just like you thought it’d be. But you couldn’t ignore the little hope you had that he’d still be right there when you would wake up.
But oh well.
You noticed that his scent still lingered in the air. Could be the bed, the ruffled sheets which were slowly getting colder and colder, or it could be his shirt which covered your bare body. You looked down and noticed the loving marks he left on your skin. Along tour inner thighs, your stomach, around your breasts and although you couldn’t see it, you knew your neck would be covered with love bites as well. You still felt his presence on your skin, and you liked it.
As you rubbed your eyes and started standing up, despite hissing at the soreness in between your legs; you noticed a carefully folded piece of paper placed upon your bedside table.
You picked it up and unfolded it and smiled at the messy handwriting.
-Hey babygirl, I had fun last night and I know you did too. I had to get away for work but believe me, I’ll be back soon.
Stay safe for daddy, and stay away from men who come to the pub late at night – you’re mine and mine only.
Love, S. Stan.
You smiled at his note, your stomach filling up with butterflies as you read that one line over and over again.
‘You’re mine and mine only’
However, your smile instantly faded as you read the signature.
‘S. Stan’
You almost choked on your own spit as realization hit you like a brutal hurricane.
S. Stan… Sebastian Stan…
You had just slept with the most notorious and dangerous mob boss the entire country had ever witnessed. Shit!
And then it all made sense; that smoky smell in his car was probably gunpowder, he was yelling in French because the mob boss was said to be mainly affiliated with French gangs.
Holy fuck, did you just call such a man daddy while he pounded into you in your own bed? And is it wrong that you liked it?
Your hands trembled slightly as you held the note a bit too tight in your hands as you started pacing around in your room due to the stress.
‘I’ll be back soon’
‘You’re mine…’
He was known to be a man of his words. Running away from him would be both futile and dangerous. If he said he would, then he would definitely come back for you.
#mobster seb#sebastian stan imagine#sebastian stan headcanons#sebastian stan#sebastian stan smut#sebastian stan x reader#bucky barnes#bucky barnes headcanon#bucky barnes imagine#sebastian stan au#bucky au#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#sebastian stan x you#sebastian stan x reader smut#sebastian stan x y/n#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#steve x reader x bucky#captain america#evanstan x reader#chris evans x reader#evanstan#evanstan x you#loki x reader#bucky fic#bucky fanfic#marvel smut#marvel x reader
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930.
What may I call you?
>> Mordred is fine.
Where are you right now, exactly?
>> My bedroom.
Over or under 18?
>> I’m over 18.
Have you been watching the Stanley Cup play-offs? (GO BRUINS!)
>> No.
Ever believed your house was/is haunted? If yes, why; what happens?
>> I lived in a studio in 2009 (my only time living alone) that I suspected had something hanging around. I was the first occupant, though (new building), so it couldn’t have been from a former resident, and I have no idea how else it could have accrued a haunting. Unless the site itself was haunted, I guess. I have no idea what kind of land the building was built on.
The building you live inside; how long ago was it built?
>> According to the google search I just did, it was built in 1987, which makes me the same age as the building I live in.
Ever travel internationally?
>> No.
If you could go anywhere RIGHT NOW, where would it be? And why?
>> I don’t want to go anywhere right now.
Do you fancy someone currently? Tell me about them!
>> No.
Ever have a big ol' crush on someone you've never met in person? If so, did you ever tell them you did?
>> I’ve been attracted to people I knew online, yes. And yes, I’ve told most of them.
What makes you feel luxurious?
>> I’m not sure. I don’t know when I last felt that exact way.
Do you enjoy drinking scotch as much as I do?
>> Probably not.
What have you done that makes you proud of yourself?
>> Well, I kept playing FFXIV instead of quitting forever in shame and telling myself I’ll never be any good at it. Believe it or not, that’s a milestone.
What makes you envy someone?
>> Usually I envy people who seem to have had very little instability or suffering in their lives, because their brains work.
For you, is jealousy something that makes you more sad or angry-feeling?
>> If you still mean envy, then it can be either one. I don’t experience jealousy as in relationship jealousy.
Do you get the munchies?
>> I don’t smoke, so...
Every been to Germany? If so, what part?
>> No.
Do you buy newspapers just for the puzzles?
>> No, I have an app for newspaper crosswords.
Describe any tattoos or piercings you may have...?
>> I don’t want to, I feel like I’ve described them a million times.
When's the last time you smacked someone's butt? (Or been smacked :P)
>> That’s not a thing I do or encourage having done to me.
Do you enjoy making art? If so, what's your style like?
>> I don’t make art.
Were you a shy child?
>> I don’t know. I was mostly a distant child, I think.
Ever wanna run away with the circus?
>> No.
What is the closest object to your feet right now?
>> My weighted blanket, which is folded over the second half of the bed because it’s too hot to use.
Reach behind you- do you feel anything? What is it?
>> The wall.
Is English your second language?
>> No.
Have you ever designed and constructed your own clothing?
>> I’ve altered clothing, but not designed and constructed from scratch.
What's the very last digit in your phone number?
>> 3.
Is your house an odd or even number?
>> This building is even-numbered.
Do you have a favorite superhero? Who?
>> I like Iron Man and Doctor Strange. Also, does Promethea count?
What power would you like to receive, if given the option?
>> I don’t know. The power of brain that work good.
Ever punch someone in the nose?
>> No.
...will you write me a haiku?
>> No.
What was the last thing that really delighted you?
>> Probably a scene in FFXIV. For example, I did a lot of moogle sidequests today and moogles are fucking adorable.
Do you wear skin-colored clothes? >:C
>> I don’t have any brown clothing, no.
Ever eat German cuisine? If so, what'd ya have?
>> Yeah, I ate at Bavarian Inn on one of our yearly trips to Frankenmuth (which is a kind of... German-inspired tourist town or something -- we go there every fall for the giant world-famous Christmas store that’s also there). I don’t remember what I ordered, though. German cuisine, while hearty, isn’t dramatic or varied enough for me, though.
Do you have conversations with any animals?
>> Well, yeah.
Do you have a little sibling? If so, are you protective of her/him?
>> No.
Recommend me a good book?
>> I don’t know you and I cannot recommend you a book.
Can you sleep on your back? (I can't, I feel too vulnerable!)
>> I can, but I usually end up on my side eventually.
What's the last special thing you did for someone? (Buy, cook, etc.)
>> I don’t know.
Did you cook something today? If so, what was it?
>> No.
Ever baked ALL day?
>> No.
Can you recognize the smell of death?
>> A dead person? I mean, I could probably figure out what I’m smelling if I suddenly caught a whiff of a corpse. It seems pretty... singular.
Ever known a mortician or a coroner?? (Now you do!)
>> Oh, that’s neat. Mortuary science is so fucking cool. Unfortunately, I don’t actually know you, so I still don’t know any morticians or coroners. :(
What makes you feel good about yourself?
>> That’s a good question. I’m working on that.
Could you ever be some type of counselor for kids/teens?
>> No.
Do you enjoy getting dressed up for no real reason?
>> I imagine that could be fun. I don’t think it’d ever occur to me to do it, though.
What are you afraid of?
>> Stuff.
Ever been to a maximum security prison? You, or just visiting?
>> No.
Do you think mint toothpaste is too minty?
>> I don’t.
How is a raven like a writing desk?
>> Heh.
Are you currently eating or drinking something? If so, what?
>> Aside from the occasional sip of water, no.
Do you own striped socks? What colors are your favorite ones?
>> No.
Black Metal ist Krieg. Agree or Disagree?
>> Eh. I mean, I listen to black metal, but I’m not going to make a big deal out of it.
Are there any numbers that have significance to you?
>> Yes, 9 and 19.
Do you know how to read palms or tarot or anything else like that?
>> I’m passable at reading tarot. For myself, that is.
Do you own any bones or other preserved organic ..things?
>> Unfortunately not. Accepting all bone donations.
What do you think about internet piracy?
>> I support the mateys.
Do you know anything about Nordic runes?
>> I wouldn’t say I know anything about futhark, exactly. The fact that I have Mannaz tattooed on my hand notwithstanding.
How do you feel about children?
>> I don’t have a particular feeling about children. It’s all dependent.
Whatcha looking forward to right now?
>> Nothing.
How do you feel about clowns?
>> I’m indifferent to clowns.
Are any of your friends clown by profession?
>> No.
Do you put grated cheese on popcorn? (Yum!)
>> I don’t eat popcorn.
Do you thing anyone ever actually gets in trouble for having milkcrates?
>> Like, in their home? Who’s going to give a fuck unless a store employee literally saw you take it or something?
Do you tip street performers? (YOU SHOULD.)
>> Not usually. I didn’t ask them to be there, I have no obligation to them. I’ll do it if I feel moved to (and if I happen to have cash, which is the other important variable here).
What are your virtues/morals?
>> I don’t have a ready list.
What do you smoke, if anything?
>> I don’t.
Does being an addict make someone a bad person, in your opinion?
>> No.
Have you ever experienced any type of detox?
>> No.
Ever been institutionalized? ...was it because of just one pepsi?
>> Ha, I haven’t heard that song in a while. Anyway, yeah, I’ve been institutionalised.
Tie up, or be tied up?
>> Well, I’m a switch, so.
Ever shoot a gun that wasn't a handgun? Rifle, shotgun, etc?
>> No.
Is your mother a really cool lady?
>> No.
Ever suddenly find a friend very attractive but had to keep it to yourself?
>> Suddenly? That seems like a weird thing to have happen, lol. I imagine someone finally getting glasses after years of seeing everything kind of blurry and putting them on and going, “holy shit, my friend’s hot as fuck!”
What time is it right now?
>> 7.42p EST.
Last time it's rained?
>> Uh... a couple of nights ago, I think.
Ever been through a deadly natural disaster?
>> No. I mean, I was in NYC when Hurricane Sandy came plowing through, but I wasn’t exactly in any of the parts of the city that got hit-hit.
What do you do when you lose power?
>> I so rarely lose power that I don’t even know. I guess I would just read, if I could. Or go so deep into boredom that suddenly I become manically creative. They say that happens, or something.
Do you have a boot fetish too?
>> No.
Have you ever done home-repair stuff?
>> I mean, not really. I don’t live in a home, lmao. You’re supposed to call Maintenance if something needs fixing in these apartments. (I’m willing to bet that if you try fixing something yourself and you fuck up, you’re gonna be payin for it. Better to let Maintenance deal with it. At least if they fuck it up, the complex can deal with the consequences.)
Reason you last used a knife?
>> I don’t remember.
Ever tattoo or pierce yourself? What, and how did it turn out?
>> Yeah, I’ve pierced various parts of my ears a few times. Most of the time it turned out fine, but eventually all the holes closed up.
Have you ever assisted in a birth?
>> No.
Have you ever had a bad trip?
>> Yes.
Do you ever yell at your TV/computer/video games?
>> Yes.
How long do you take in the shower?
>> Like 10 minutes at most.
If you could ask someone ONE thing & get 100% honesty, what would you ask?
>> ---
What's the best thing you've ever found in a thrift/second hand shop?
>> I don’t know.
What's one skilled craft you like to learn?
>> ---
How do you feel about magicians?
>> Like, illusionists? I’m indifferent to them. I agree it’s clever work, but I don’t really care about it.
What do you smell like right now?
>> I don’t know. Flesh.
Tell me about the last person that made you laugh.
>> ---
Who was the last person to really make you feel special?
>> ---
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Notes on Redeeming Arcann: Part 1
Ok, here are my thoughts on redeeming Arcann. This is just my own current analysis of his character and where I might take him in possible future fics. If someone has a different interpretation I would love to hear it as my own ideas on him continue to shift. If anyone is struggling with his character, I hope this might give you a starting point or jog some new ideas. And if you’re just reading this because you like character analysis (I do too), then I hope you enjoy it and it’s not too incoherent.
This first part will focus more on redeeming Arcann. The second will be my thoughts on his character motivations.
Part 2
Alright, this is going to be very, very long, so strap in.
Ok, so since I don’t have a lot of experience writing, I felt my own grasp of what it takes to redeem a villain was a little too shaky to do Arcann’s redemption justice on my own. He’s admittedly a pretty horrific character at his worst, and the game itself really doesn’t do a very good job of giving him a believable redemption arc. I feel it would be very easy for an inexperienced writer like me to fall into character apologia and try to ignore what he’s done in favor of ‘it’s not his fault’. Fiction is full of men who act like jerks and excuse it with daddy issues, and I’m really trying to carry that awareness into his redemption so I can avoid that pitfall. The atrocities he committed were his choices, but understanding why he became a character who would make those choices does not mean that he wasn’t ultimately at fault for what he did.
So with that in mind I did a quick search, looked through a few guides on redemption, and eventually settled on this one.
In an effort to make this smooth, I have copy/pasted the major points from the article and put them in brackets with my responses following each one.
[Realism is derived from a multitude of factors, but one of the most important is having authentic motives. Villainy is a dark path for a reason – it’s hard to come back from – which is why you need a super-bright ‘why’ torch to help your baddie see the light.
The best way to create a ‘why’ (or a motive) is to understand where it comes from. For example:
Maybe your villain wants a bigger pay off and this is how he thinks he will get it
He could be taking an order from someone more powerful
A more emotional reason might be that the hero appeals to his heart by saving someone the villain cares about
Or perhaps the villain just wants to right a wrong or past mistake]
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Ok, so Arcann has a little of the last 2 of those reasons. Now that he’s gone through the Force Healing dishwasher, he wants to try and make up for all the horrible things he did (Mostly the people he killed for shits and giggles while hunting down the Outlander. War is war, and he might not beat himself up over the people he personally killed on the battlefield. They made the choice to be soldiers/Jedi/Sith, and they knew they might die when they went up against him.)
He was also swayed by the Outlander letting him and Senya go, and how they cared for her while he was figuring things out.
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[Whatever the plot point for justifying your villain’s redemption, you can create added depth to their motive by linking it to an old wound in his past.]
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His mother left, and it’s possible that he still wonders what would have happened if he and his siblings had gone with her (I can’t remember if he touched on this in one of his cut-scenes during KOTFE). But more importantly, no one has ever come back for him except his brother. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t expect Vaylin to care about him enough to help him unless it benefits her, so after Thexan’s death he feels like he’s alone and nobody would miss him if he died. And that’s… really not a good place to be.
He doesn’t feel connected to his people since I doubt he ever saw much of them while growing up, so it’s easier to treat them like dirt if he can’t empathize with them. Also, the closest person to him, and the only one he seems to care about, is Vaylin, and she’s even more messed up than him so they just echo each other’s cruelty and drive each other to new heights of awfulness.
So that’s why it’s so important to him and game changing that his mom shows up after he’s been defeated.
Now the scene in KotFE goes like this: Senya finds Arcann dead (unconscious) and pinned under a bunch of debris. She drags him out and cries because she thinks he’s dead. Then Vaylin shows up, and while Senya is focused on her, Arcann blinks awake. Vaylin starts to attack, and Arcann stops her. Blah blah blah, Senya saves Arcann because he tried to protect her and she “feels the good in him”.
Ok.
(Keep in mind, my computer chugs much worse if I have the background music on, so I always play with it off. So scenes that maaaaay be relying too much on the music to carry the emotional weight, don’t have that crutch to lean on when I see them.)
Putting aside some dumb stuff, like why didn’t Senya sense that he was alive, and why didn’t she “sense the good in him” until after he pushed Vaylin away, here’s a few tweaks I might make:
Senya finds Arcann badly injured and pinned under debris. She realizes that he’s still breathing so she drags him out, sits down, and cradles him in her arms. She fully expects that he’s going to die, and her resolve crumbles. She rocks him gently and sings to him, her voice breaking here and there as the ship comes apart around them. She left her children once, and she refuses to leave Arcann again. She’s going to stay with him until he succumbs to his wounds, or the ship disintegrates.
To her surprise, he begins to wake. He turns his head into her chest, instinctively remembering her voice and the way she’d sing when comforting him and his brother after a painful day of training. He opens his eyes blearily with a mumbled “Mother?”. And now, finally, after years of being apart, she senses the conflict in him. Buried under years of pain and rage, is the tiny flicker of the boy she used to know.
The ship shudders underneath them and she makes her choice.
She hauls him up and throws his remaining arm over her shoulders. He can barely support his own weight and is fading in and out of consciousness as she drags him off the dais. They’re almost to the door when Vaylin appears and cuts them off.
Senya pleads with her, but Vaylin refuses to see reason and moves to kill her. Senya tries to throw Arcann out of the way, but the minute his arm is clear he manages to force push Vaylin away, where she appears to be crushed under falling debris.
Senya can’t save both of them, but she didn’t feel any conflict in Vaylin. So she chooses Arcann and takes him to the shuttle.
After they’re far enough away, Vaylin comes to in a rage, only to find that she’s missed her chance. She too, escapes in a patrol vessel.
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[Epiphany Redemption
Sometimes we don’t realize we have bad habits until someone tells us or we suddenly become aware of them. One of the most famous epiphany redemption examples is Scrooge going through an awakening. With the help of the Christmas ghosts, he’s shown the impact of his actions which causes him to see that he’s been leading a terrible life. The end of the story show him as a changed man, being kind and charitable to others.]
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This sounds like what happened to Arcann.
It could be that with his mind clouded with pain and a likely concussion, he forgets his anger enough to think that, if his mother cared enough to save him and feels there’s still good in him, maybe there is.
It could be worked into the healing ritual, instead of this nebulous “light sapping the dark from him while he lays unconscious” thing. It could be that the ritual lifts all of his emotional baggage up so that he can view his past choices through a clear lens. Kind of A Christmas Carol speed-run, where his actions flash by in his mind and the horror of what he’d become slowly builds and replaces some of the rage. So the healing ritual doesn’t cure him of the darkness, so much as it’s a cold dose of the reality of his actions without the rage and bad justifications covering it up. The pain and rage is still there, and he’ll have to deal with it naturally later (get that boy a THERAPIST), but it no longer gets in the way of his decision making and he’s free to make better choices.
This explains why he was so panicked when he woke up that he didn’t notice his mother was still alive. And her “death” was just one more horrible thing he’s done. That even in healing, he still manages to kill the people close to him.
(It’s also why I always take the choice to tell him that Senya’s still alive right before he flies away, to spare him from that extra self hatred.)
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[It takes time. Just as a hero takes an entire novel to overcome her flaw, it will take some time for a villain to make this monumental change. Don’t let them flip-flop like a beached fish between good and evil – the change needs to build slowly throughout the book.]
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I think this is the main issue that a lot of people seem to have with Arcann’s redemption. The healing ritual was such a hand-wavy “ok he’s better now” cop-out for what would normally be months or years of interesting character development.
I understand of course. This is a game, not a book series. There isn’t time to give Arcann the kind of focus that sort of development needs, and they weren’t allowed to weave his redemption too much into the story because not everyone spares him.
We can lessen the impact of this by ignoring some canon things and writing around others, but it would take a major rewrite of a large chunk of KotET to integrate this point.
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[Foreshadow, foreshadow, foreshadow. Readers don’t like to be cheated. You need to drop breadcrumbs throughout your story to let your reader know subconsciously that the villain is going to change, otherwise they’ll feel cheated. It doesn’t take much – the occasional soft glance from the villain, a nicely spoken sentence, and action that is ‘good’ rather than evil. Tiny clues.]
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There were tiny hints here and there, but not really enough for my taste and they were very easy to miss.
Some examples I can think of are:
He sort of yells at Vaylin at one point and without her saying anything, he immediately backs off, calms his voice down, and tells her that he’s not blaming her. She’s flippant about it, but it made it clear that he cares about her enough to treat her with respect and what little affection he’s capable of at that point.
@swtorpadawan made a good point in this post about how Arcann’s hesitation in destroying the Gravestone might’ve been because he sensed his mother’s presence.
And while I don’t think it was supposed to be hesitation on Arcann’s part, just the game forgetting about the time as we are shown Koth lining up the shot, he technically DID hesitate in killing the Outlander after he stabbed them (assuming you refused Valkorian’s power). There was a decent length of time where he had them, mortally wounded and defenseless, and he hesitated so long that Koth discovered the scene, figured out a plan, and shot out that big thing on the ceiling.
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[Don’t make it easy. It’s hard for the hero to overcome her flaw and likewise, it should be hard for a villain to overcome his. A quick way to make it harder for the villain to redeem himself is to catch him between two of his values. For example, while this character isn’t a villain, it still illustrates the point: Ned Stark in Game of Thrones values loyalty and wisdom – his wisdom tells him if he helps his King it will inevitably lead to his death, and yet, his loyalty forces him to help the King anyways.]
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This one is closely tied to the “it takes time” point, and is also horribly ignored in the story. Once he’s healed he’s practically a different person. Now I don’t know if it’s because they didn’t devote much time to his writing since he’s an optional character, or if they meant to write him like this, but it’s still unfortunate.
He strikes me as determined and ruthless (like his mom). His interaction with Thexan and his commitment to the Outlander seems to imply that he’s loyal once he’s found someone worthy of it. He’s intelligent, but can be arrogant sometimes (of course this will have been knocked down a few pegs since the Outlander kicked his ass).
An easy point of conflict between his values (especially soon after he joins the Alliance), would be between his loyalty to the Outlander and his ruthlessness.
He could be on a mission with the Outlander, and have an enemy defeated but alive. The Outlander might want to spare them, while his ruthlessness demands their death. He knows how people like this work, that sparing them is a good way to get stabbed in the back, and if the Outlander is too softhearted to look out for themselves then he will.
BUT the Outlander is showing him trust by letting him accompany them, both trust that Arcann won’t kill them and that he will follow orders. Their trust is extremely precious to him (especially if he’s already crushing on the Outlander) so he really wants to do as they say.
He’s forced to balance their trust against his need to protect them.
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[Don’t let them go soft. Villains are villains for a reason. Keep them authentic by retaining some of their sharper personality edges. Just because their actions are good doesn’t mean the whole of them will be.]
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I feel like this one is especially important, and also terribly overlooked.
Arcann learned some bad habits while being a villain and even when growing up, some of those should carry over into his healed self.
They might lessen with time and careful retraining, but he will always have sharp edges.
He will probably have a temper (although this must be handled very carefully to avoid making him look childish and abusive).
And if someone he cares about is threatened he may fly into a rage until they can calm him down. This rage may be followed by flashbacks of the battles he’s been through and the way the hatred felt in his gut, leaving him panicked and shaky once it’s over.
He probably has nightmares regularly, and care must be taken in waking him up to avoid a violent response, same thing with sneaking up on him: DON”T.
Honestly, the dude went through so much and did so many horrible things that I don’t see how he wouldn’t have PTSD. He certainly has self-hatred up to his eyeballs.
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One more thing:
Once he’s joined the Alliance, I think we need to be careful when writing him to make sure that his goal of trying to make up for the horrible things he’s done isn’t overlooked. I mean yeah, he’s helping by coming along on missions with the Commander, but that is super small time stuff compared to what he’s done and I don’t think he’d be satisfied with it for long.
He’s an intelligent man with experience commanding armies on the battlefield, and an extremely talented Force-user. At minimum, and when not accompanying the Outlander, he should spend most of his day immersed in Alliance reports giving tactical advice (once they trust him enough, of course) and helping with combat training in the Force Enclave. When they trust him more, he can maybe become the official liaison between the Alliance and Zakuul, using the resources and tech of his home world to help the reconstruction on the planets he bombarded and getting Zakuul what they need as well.
Of course, once the Republic/Empire war starts up again, his position will change and he may take on a more military role, commanding offensives on behalf of whichever side the Alliance has picked.
My point is, wallowing in emotional hurt/comfort and developing romance is really fun and satisfying, but don’t forget his promise to atone for his misdeeds.
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Book Review: House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas
House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas
This review is going to be LITTERED with SPOILERS because idk how to talk about this book without giving away the whole plot.
Consider yourself officially warned.
I’m still debating on my rating, but for now here is my review. Fair warning: it is rant-y and ramble-y and hasn't been edited yet. I'll clean it up when I come back for a rating.
As always, content warnings are listed at the bottom!
Overall Positives:
• SJM has actually included a few gay characters….now they are all very minor side characters (Isiah, Fury, Juniper, and Declan) who are only present for maybe 3% total of the novel, but at least they exist??? So she gets points for actually having gay characters who aren’t killed off. You can say that she’s making an effort.
• The banter between Bryce and Hunt was pretty funny
• That scene with the knock-off My Little Pony dolls was funny
• I think there might've been a reference in the book to First Aid Kit (the sister folk duo) and it made my heart squeal because I love that band SO MUCH!
• Bryce actually has a great relationship with her mom and her stepfather! And they are both alive! And stay alive! I’m actually struggling to recall a book I’ve read where the main character in the book has a). both parents alive and b). a great relationship with them both. So that was really refreshing!
• Hunt in a sunball cap.
• Bryce and Hunt taking photos together. Way too adorable.
• Ride or die friendship. I love books that emphasize the importance of friendship.
• That LIGHT IT UP DANIKA LIGHT IT UP LIGHT IT UP scene....like i felt that...her happiness. so sweet. i teared up at that scene ngl....
• Pretty good depiction of grief. How even after years the pain of losing your friend doesn’t go away. How some people cut themselves off to cope and others don’t. How some take out their anger on the closest target. How some people remember the dead one’s birthday and other don’t. etc. etc.
• It really was a slow burn because they like didn’t even kiss until 75% into the 3,000 page book.
• Rhun is my favorite character in this book. He’s a goth softie king. I also loved the Demon Cat. And Fury. And Declan. And Flynn. And Isaiah. And Hunt. And Lele. And the dog. And Jesiba. And Randall. And….well….that’s about it….
• I have recently been getting more and more into Urban Fantasy so I am excited and glad that this book is UF. I also like how it takes place in a different world with a different history (although for some reason I went into this book under the impression it takes place in New Orleans…)
Overall Negatives:
• If I ever have to see the word “alphahole” again it will still be too soon. I get that she was going for meta and trying to poke fun at how the trope in so many UF books includes an alphamale love interest….but it just doesn’t really work because none of the guys she was calling an alphahole was actually acting like one??? Okay so this is kind of ramble-y but whatever. When I think of an alphamale love interest acting like a…*shudders*…. alphahole I think of the stereotypical shifter romance/erotica novel where the guy likes wants to punch any guy who stands too close or talks to his mate. I think of him making outrageous claims, always posting a guard, never letting her leave the house, etc. all without any cause. Having a literal demon serial killer who (at this point in the book) you believe RIPPED APART AN ENTIRE PACK OF WEREWOLVES and is killing everyone who is close to working on the same case as you and you are a half-fae who NEVER carries a weapon with you, doesn’t have magic, and no one beside your mom, stepdad, and dead bestie know that you can turn into a flashlight at will…..yeah it makes sense that the people who care about you would like you to have a guard. But that’s not “alphahole” behavior. Nor is when you’re starving yourself from guilt him being concerned and wanting you to eat, or wanting you to try to take care of yourself….that’s not “alphahole” behavior, it’s being a good friend/sibling. If someone wanted a guard on her PRIOR to her investigating the murder than yeah….that would be “alphahole” 100%. But that’s not what happened…one of the highlights of the book was Hunt calling out Bryce by telling her that she is actually the “alphahole” here.
• Fucking sunball = baseball. WHYYYYYY I thought it was soccer for so long until Hunt tossed on a “sunball cap”
• I thought that Violet Hall from Pucked was the most infuriating main character I have read in a long time until I met Bryce fucking Quinnland. It is a pet peeve of mine when a character acts like someone (usually lazy or a partier) and then gets pissed because people think they are how they act??? Like, if you act like an asshole then don’t be shocked if people think you are an asshole. Also she was someone who was terribly selfish and stupidly reckless for no reason for 99% of the book. Yeah she’s ride or die for her friends which is supposed to be her best quality but she is just terribly rude to so many people. Like take Lele for example. Bryce treated her horribly until Hunt was sold again, then was friends with Lele for like a week which someone equated to Lele being willing to die for her???
• Part two of that bullet above^: Why was everyone willing to die for Bryce? Maybe I hate Bryce because she reminds me too much of Jane Salone from The Bold Type with her ‘I’m always right’ attitude. But yeah, everyone is willing to die for her. I don’t get why though. Also everyone wants to fuck her. She can’t walk down the street without like five dudes wanting to fuck her. It was so annoying. Also how the hell has she not died by age 25!?!? There is a different between being bitchy with your algebra teacher versus being bitchy with some guy who could smite you before you blink. And all of them are like ‘oooh she’s not afraid of me like everyone else how charming’ and I’m just like NO. That’s like if I intentionally pissed off some mafia dom and instead of making an example out of me for dissing him in front of his mafia bros, he’s like ‘oooh you’re sassy wanna fuck?’ MAKES NO SENSE!!!
•Part three of the above^: okay before someone comes at me and says ‘well would you be saying the same things if she was a guy doing an acting this way’ well probably. I love the KATE DANIELS (Magic Bites) series. And Kate is a no-nonsense, can come across rude, and gives zero fucks what anyone else thinks about her. Kind of like Bryce, but less bitchy and has the power and skills to back up her recklessness. (No one around Bryce learns of her secret lightbright gift or of her sharpshooting skills until the very end so I am maintaining my ‘she’s reckless’ viewpoint based on everyone around her not knowing of her abilities when she does all of this dumbshit). Kate also is a fucking martyr who runs towards danger even when the odds are against her. Just like Bryce. But I love Kate and hate Bryce. So…yeah I think it was just a Bryce issue. It took until about 41% with the whole phone-Sandriel thing for me to stop finding her insufferable….but I still never really liked her after that...I could stand her for the occasional paragraph or two
• Speaking of martyrs…why is everyone one in this book!?!? NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE A MARTYR!!!
• Another reason I hate Bryce (yes I’m back on that Bryce shit) is because after Hunt broke her heart he immediate thought upon learning who he was going to be sold (back to his old owner who is a sadistic fuck) her thought was good, he deserves it and all he did was break her heart and not want to be a slave anymore and kept something he knew would destroy you (which yeah, keeping that secret furthered his cause but still…) and I just????? Have???? No words???? Like girl you have a RIGHT to be PISSED but jfc that doesn’t equate to TORTURE.
• Ugh and then her whole ‘take me instead’ bullshit was so reminiscent of that Jules and Emma whipping scene from Lady Midnight I almost gagged for the level of cheese and martyr-syndrome
• Why is everyone described as “brown,” “golden brown,” or “tan”?! It’s like SJM is trying to not make everyone white but doesn’t want to fully commit…
• And was anyone uncomfortable/cringed at the ‘white angel wings are supreme to any wings with color’ bit....
• I hate books where the werewolves can talk outloud in human form. I cringed.
• Why was the calling people by their last name thing not consistent? I’ve read books before where characters flip between using another character’s first and last name, but there is context behind why they choose one or the other: the professional setting, if the person is happy or upset, who is being addressed, etc. But you’ll get Hunt calling Bryce “Bryce” and “Quinnland” within a sentence of each other? And literally every character did stuff like this. It was weird and not consistent at all.
Negatives About the Plot:
• This book really felt like three books in one: Part One (first 12ish%) being the day leading up to the Pack of Devil’s murder. And I do mean like every boring thing that happened. Part Two (the next 66ish%) being the murder investigation. Part Three (the last 22ish%) being where all the action occurred. The book felt like it couldn’t decide what it wanted to be. The summary promised a murder investigation so I was expecting it to be a KATE DANIELS-esque plot. But nothing of true importance really occurred during that investigation. We got some cool flashbacks with Danika, and some sweet moments between Hunt and Bryce…but that’s it. SJM isn’t Brandon with a Stormlight Archives (The Way of Kings) complicated interwoven plot. I think the book as whole would have been better if it was about 300 pages shorter.
• Nothing in the plot of true importance happened until the last 100 pages or so.
• I mean we literally got every single thing that happened during every single day of their investigation…it was….too much detail.
• When I got to 80% like every other chapter felt like the book should end. It could’ve ended on a cliffhanger. Like right after Hunt was found on that boat. But nope….
• Figures. SJM can’t have a main couple unless they both are super special. Did anyone else feel like she just recycled parts of ACOMAF in this book? Hunt: has wings and super special powers. Bryce: absorbs some super-fae juiced up power from a cauldron—er….I mean arch—to get extra powers and become the most super cool and super special fae in all existence because god forbid we have a heroine who isn’t the most physically powerful person ever. I mean, to hell with mental strength. Must be physically magically powerful or you’re no good!
• The only plot points that surprised me were the hunt being at the drug bust (because we got nothing from his povs that he was remotely interested in going back down that revolution road especially after his whole meeting with Briggs…still iffy with this one, because his thoughts in that cell sound like he actually was on board with it until he called it off because the drug is too dangerous but his call to the viper queen said she owed him a favor so…..) and Micah’s weird horn hard-on. Literally nothing else surprised me...
• I really though Reid would play a bigger role considering Bryce used to date him and is fam is responsible for that drug....but nope. The dude is like never even mentioned.
• Ugh...that villain speech. Maybe I'm just like...what's the point? Why not just zap the bitch why do you need to tell her your life story!?!?!
• Also let's be real, Danika's password never would have been allowed to be that simple nor remain unchanged for 2 years. But whatever.
• It’s also pretty cringe that Bryce freed Lele just for her to die…………..
• Why is Jesiba’s shop impenetrable (the building and cameras) until it’s convenient for it not to be…I mean it sounded like nothing could break into her building or the cameras but then… Micah just easily waltzed in there and Declan easily hacked into the security cameras….makes no sense but okayyyyyyy…..
• ....or about how the dog can teleport and undo locks until once again it's convenient for him not to be able to so she can dramatically save the day (look I also have issues with her valuing her pet's life over Lele's in that scene...also isn't the dog supposed to be like terrifying, it could've fought while her and Lele got out. not really sure how the water which delayed him like two seconds helped more than her dog would've....look, i love pets and i don't want him to die but i don't want Lele to die either!)
• Bryce and Hunt literally never have a talk about everything???? Like I get the world almost ended but neither of them had a thought like I know we need to talk about everything that happened on the boat. About if his love for Shahar trumps his love for me. But that can wait… Because those were all fears she had before but now vanished???? I get not wanted to have verbal talk but a thought from Bryce would’ve been nice.
• How can you run, carry a sword, and shoot a gun all at the same time? Still trying to figure out the logistics of that all....
• Why is SJM's adult book the least smutty thing she has written so far!?!?!?!?
• The love saves everyone and everything line is so fucking cheesy I can’t.
My Overall Feelings:
• The book couldn’t choose a plot. Did it want to be a crime book? Did it want to be ACOMAF? Who the fuck knows.
• This would have worked better as a TV series than a book. Especially that scene where Bryce is trying to save the city and everyone is just watching it happen on the jumbo screen at the summit. In book form it was just….weird….and felt disruptive...and someone could've started flying to help out. Plus I like watching shows with characters like Bryce but hate reading books with characters like her if that makes sense...
• Also if the summit is just between the leaders of CC then why did Sadriel have to be there? Why does it happen only every 10 years? Why does it have to take place outside of the city if no other leaders from other places are present?
• Why don’t we get a map of all of the other countries that were mentioned?
• This book was wayyyyyy too long. It would have been much better if it was reduced to 500ish pages instead.
• Also the character’s flip-flopped with their character development way too much. It wasn’t consistent.
• This is definitely one of the better SJM book’s I’ve read, but it won’t be one that I’ll reread. It is too long with too many boring bits in the middle.
• But hey! If you love SJM then you’ll probably love this book…
Content Warnings and Trigger Warnings: restricted eating, self-harm, drug use, alcohol consumption, implied rape, mentions of abusive relationships, suicidal thoughts, depression, emesis, slavery, terrorist attacks, grief, gun violence, death, murder, violence, torture
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#this review is so long it ran out of space on goodreads lol#book review#house of blood and earth spoilers#crescent city spoilers#crescent city#house of blood and earth#booksneedcaffeinetooblog
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(TUA Asks) 9, 16, 20, 24, 28
9. We really only see Allison, Diego, and Vanya pursue actual careers. What careers do you think the other siblings would pursue if they got the chance?
I THINK Luther should be a mechanic or some kind of engineer bc he’s passionate about building things (model planes) and also was essentially an astronaut, he did all kind of analysis and reports on moon stuff so honestly he could probably work for NASA if he set his mind to it!! Luther is more than he muscle he’s very smart, just not very socially intelligent but let’s be real none of the Hargreeves are
Klaus I think should work in like. A more creative career?? Like I said in one au about him working at a yarn store and knitting in his spare time but I mean I could see him as a florist as well or any career that does on the job training bc I feel like Klaus isn’t super built for school (we stan an adhd icon)
Five would be UHHHH probably some very prestigious doctor of mathematics who probably works on the millennium problems and maybe solves one? Probably ends up doing some seriously complicated mathematics for some serious cash, maybe ends up turning his mathematical prowess to coding
Ben I think would’ve also become a doctor but of medicine bc I think that Ben has a lot of guilt about hurting people and, in the end, would want to do something that helps others - wants to actually save people instead of just slaughtering the bad guys?? Probably does doctors without borders and focuses mainly on kids
and I know the question doesn’t include the three kids we see with careers but
I could see Allison transferring from acting into a career in maybe marketing?? I feel like Allison would kick ass and take names in the corporate world like. She grew up with Reginald Hargreeves, none of these old white corporate assholes would intimidate her
Diego I know has boxing outside of being a vigilante, and even though he dropped out of the police academy he could probably work in the private sector if he really wanted to but he doesn’t. I think Diego would be good at teaching a self-defense class or working as like. Maybe a bartender who absolutely destroys anyone who dares slip something into someone else’s drink?
Vanya is passionate about the violin so I’m not sure I can think of a career for her outside of what she’s built for herself tbh with her position on the orchestra (and yeah, she’s not first chair but she doesn’t have to be. There’s only one first chair and the other chairs are equally important), her teaching (and I’m sure that’s very rewarding for her) but let’s be honest Vanya had the most functional life out of all the siblings (and even then her social life was nonexistent, she was emotionally closed off and seemingly had no friends, and i didn’t really see much evidence of hobbies outside of violin which is her career so. career wise though her life was the most in order)
---
16. If instagram or twitter existed in the UA universe, what would all their handles be?
I’mma be real with u chief I don’t have a twitter or an instagram and tumblr/discord functions as my main online social interaction sO i might genuinely have to skip this question
i mean if tumblr ever does crumple under the weight of its own hubris i’ll have to move to another social media site i guess and figure out how it works but i’m pretty set in my ways
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20. If you were in The Umbrella Academy, would superpower would you have? (Bonus: What would your code-name be?)
UHHHH I mean if I got to pick it would probably be shapeshifting bc that’s the trans/nonbinary/genderqueer mood of the day
and as for codename,,, the chameleon? though that might be a bit subtle for a group whose names are things like The Boy and The Horror and The Rumor lmao
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24. What sort of relationship do you think each sibling has with Pogo?
lmao remember when i went off about how Pogo was complicit in the squad’s abuse good times but yeah personally i’m not a big fan of pogo BUT
Luther and Vanya are probably closest with Pogo before everything happened, Luther because he spent all that time in the house and whenever he couldn’t go to Reginald with something then Pogo was always a good second choice. I’m sure Pogo spent a lot of time comforting a young Luther when his father brushed him off and encouraged him by telling him shit like that just being how his father showed affection etc. etc.
Vanya because while everyone else was training, I think Pogo would hang out with her and compliment her playing and generally interact with her more than any of the other siblings combined. He never ignored her, and he seemed to be the most forgiving of the family after she published her book, though admittedly I’m not sure how much Pogo was mentioned in the book
I don’t think Klaus was super close with Pogo? Mainly because I assume Pogo was aware of all the kids training and as such was one of the two (2) adults possessing free will in the house who were capable of opening the crypt door to let him out which. Neither did. But Pogo was kind to them, and occasionally looked the other way with their shenanigans, so Klaus didn’t hate him or anything. He was kind of condescending to adult!Klaus though
I think Allison and Five were both just sort of neutral about Pogo’s presence because neither of them were particularly in need of comfort or kindness or whatever Pogo had to offer to them. But he was around, and he is family, but they just aren’t super close, you know?
I don’t want to think about Grace’s relationship with Pogo because while Pogo was sort of a brother in arms in that he’s under Reginald’s power as well (considering I assume Pogo is financially dependent on Reginald and incapable of leaving) but also like. Pogo knew how to fix Grace the entire time and he didn’t. He allowed Reginald to frame Grace and kept his secrets. He reminded Grace to keep secrets. He’s like? The coworker you think is your friend until he reports something you said in confidence outside of work to the boss and gets you punished
that’s all i got on that
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28. What do you think happened to the other 36 people born on October 1st?
this one I answered right here ;3c
#ask me#verybi-verytired#ask game#tua asks#tua#the umbrella academy#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#allison hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#number five#ben hargreeves#vanya hargreeves#grace hargreeves#pogo hargreeves#tua pogo#pogo tua#mechanic luther in the responsible luther au#yarn shop klaus from the ghost five au#me just sprinkling in things from my aus bc that's what's familiar lmao#i keep like allison could be a kickass real estate agent as well#idk she gives me that vibe
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[regarding beatrice & jacques]
tbh for the longest time i’ve been trying to grasp the dynamic between beatrice and jacques and then just kept drawing a blank like while i’ve never shipped them romantically it’d been really hard for me to capture their dynamic in general despite the fact that i was pretty sure they had to had at least a certain degrees of interaction they’re probably at least friends more than acquaintances and yet i’ve been trying long and hard and the only thing i’d come up with at that time was that post about jacques the only snicket not into goth girls which really isn’t even a description of them.
like, they were always a little, second degrees of separation in my mind. (like, not literally, of course, not in the sense that they don’t directly knew each other, but more like i have their separate dynamics with others clearly pictured but just not with each other).
1) jerome. they were both jerome’s friends, probably closest to him out of their friend group, jerome’s immediate connection to vfd. jacques wrote that letter begging him not to marry esme, hinting at vfd and yet not revealing anything, and beatrice and him (and some others) climbed mount frought together. “she and i were very good friends a way back”.
2) kit & lemony. jacques was brother to kit and lemony, and beatrice and lemony were together for quite a long time, and kit and beatrice were also good friends. and both B&L and B&K are partners in crime (sugar bowl theft and poison darts murder). B&L and J&L also both canonically exchanged letters.
3) olaf. beatrice and olaf grew up together, had known each other at least as early as he was seven, spent their apprenticeships together. she killed his parents and he pushed her over a balcony and he possibly maybe might have set her house on fire. best friends to worst enemies etc etc i have to avoid going into depth here or i’ll forget to stop. jacques’ friendship with olaf didn’t have as much as little details like beatrice’s did, but there were certain hints still. olaf dated jacques’ twin presumably in their teenage years. jacques tried to convince olaf to come back to vfd during tvv, in a way i’m sure neither kit nor lemony put in his situation would’ve done. like it’s partly because of who jacques and what he believed was but it kind of also meant they were friends once before everything went wrong. or, you know, what you’d call a history. so it’s in a way quite likely they were both olaf’s closest friends on the firefighting side, before they stopped being friends.
4) bertrand. B&B were friends to lovers they were partners in crime they were in love they were married they raised children together. they were on the same side in the schism within the schism. they were on an island together and forced to leave together. they loved each other and they worked well together. now, admittedly there’s no canon interaction between bertrand and jacques just like there was none between beatrice and jacques, i have concocted a set of very detailed headcanons in my head, which started out as me considering the possibility that their similar situations (being viewed as the perfect apprentice and the model volunteered by others) make them relate to each other, and then the fact that we didn’t see either of them on screen in the netflix!opera scene which gave me room to develop a backstory for that, and then eventually i ended up writing an elaborate breakup fic for them which is arguably canon compliant. so technically there’s no canon evidence but i have enough headcanons and they’re one of my otps so i’m going to list bertrand here anyway.
despite all their similar connections to various people i’d struggled to find the direct connection between them, trying to picture their dynamics. and after failing for a long time one day i was scrolling through my dash and saw liz’s quigley and carmelita friendship headcanons and then it suddenly struck me that .... there seemed to be some parallel here in a way. like i’ve already been thinking a lot about beatrice carmelita parallels and picturing young!beatrice to have similarities to carmelita, and then i realized that quigley, like jacques, might be the one sibling most deeply believed in vfd and that might potentially cause rift between them and their siblings. and taken into “odd friendship between a girl who loved performing and is the only child and the boy who potentially had different views towards vfd than his siblings and also for due to vfd complications didn’t see his siblings for a long time” and “she’s secretly jealous that he has siblings to argue with, to disagree with, even if she would never admit it out loud”, and suddenly this friendship and how they might interact started taking form in head.
in my head jacques was, one of the few people who weren’t in love with / crushing on beatrice. and sometimes he’d find her too theatrical, but very very occasionally he’d also see her quieter, more vulnerable side hidden underneath the dramatic persona. she’s lemony’s girlfriend, and most of the time he’s somewhat fond of her and she’s like a little sister in a way. when she and olaf teamed up together to cause chaos it gives him a headache, but he considered them friends anyway.
fun fact: when i was writing poisonous fungi can break hearts, i considered making beatrice and jacques penpals, though i didn’t manage to fit this subplot into the story, though i do really like the idea. it probably started sometime after b&b got back from the island. and at first jacques thought beatrice was reaching out because maybe she was feeling guilty about getting together with bertrand after jacques and his break up, though he quickly realized that it wasn’t the case, which made sense because to beatrice they did break up and she wasn’t the type to feel guilty about this. instead, they mostly talked about lemony and remembered lemony together. also, beatrice started writing him because she thought he might be lonely these days - particularly after she realized that both kit and bertrand were avoiding jacques and she knew how they all used to be really close - and could use a friend. beatrice was observant in these kind of things. she also suspected that neither kit or bertrand actually considered how both their distancing might affect jacques because they still got each other as friends (and even planning vfd stuff together) and kind of had each other to fall back on and wasn’t completely lonely (and also he had beatrice and she had ellington). so beatrice wrote letters to jacques talking about this music lemony used to like, talking about violet’s invention, and asking jacques about what he’s doing and how’s jerome. jacques was actually quite grateful for her letters because it was nice to have someone to write to. it’s nice to have a friend who cared and who also wasn’t skillfully avoiding him like his ex or his twin. it made things less lonely.
#asoue#beatrice baudelaire#jacques snicket#vera.txt#its 3am plz excuse any grammar mistakes or whatsoever#brotp: bitter tea and root beer float
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for the first person OC asks: i started to go through and pick individual numbers and then realized i was picking basically all of them so fuck it, all of them for chris & shannon
Oh sweet jesus, okay ima just put this under a readmore b/c this is gonna get long.
1. What is your name?
Shannon: “Shannon Miller”
Chris: “Chris Mitchell”
2. Any nicknames?
Shannon: “Shay, and any petnames my girlfriend has for me.”
Chris: “Kind of hard to make a nickname out of a one syllable name.”
3. Gender stuff?
Shannon: “Cisgender woman.”
Chris: “I’m genderfluid and prefer they/them pronouns.”
4. Sexuality stuff?
Shannon: “My sexuality is girls.”
Chris: “I have more important things to do than date people. I’m ace.”
5. How old are you?
Shannon: “I’m 43, though I probably look older.”
Chris: “32 in 2012, 52 in 2032. I’m older than Shannon by 9 years.”
6. Any distinguishing traits?
Shannon: “My hair is always dyed some vibrant color, and my clothes outside of work are very flashy.”
Chris: “I try to look as basic and androgynous as possible. But I guess my hair is about as fiery as a Weasley. Now if I’m in my hero suit, I guess the fact that I look like some mutated freak is pretty distinguishing.”
7. How did you get your scars?
Shannon: “I’ve got some scars that have long since faded from dumb shit I did as a kid.”
Chris: “My nose is dented from when a kid threw a rock at my face when we were playing baseball with a rock and a stick. Though…. the big scar on my back comes from radiation and fire burns.”
8. Anything you’re ashamed of?
Shannon: “Id… rather not talk about that.”
Chris: “Plenty, starting with anyone who’s died as a result of my actions.”
9. Do you have any pets? Do you want any?
Shannon: “No pets, but both mine and Aliza’s schedules make having any pets difficult. Maybe when we retire.”
Chris: “I have two cats, Wellington and Fae. Wellington is a four year old tabby I found in the wheel well of a car, Fae is about a year old black cat I adopted from the shelter.”
10. How would you describe yourself?
Shannon: “Athletically chubby butch with great hair and an even greater fashion sense.”
Chris: “Androgynous ginger mechanic with no distinguishing features. Looks like if you mixed a jock and nerd together.”
11. How would your friends describe you?
Shannon: “Well to quote one of my friends: ‘That bitch who switched my nameplate and didn’t tell me until I got an email from the SAC about it.’“
Chris: “Hopefully something like ‘Determined and willing to help.’ I don’t want to put words in her mouth though.”
12. How would your enemies describe you?
Shannon: answered here
Chris: “I honestly couldn’t give two shits.”
13. What are the top three songs you can’t stop listening to right now?
Shannon: “Running in the 90′s is always a classic, Smash Mouth by All Star is good meme material, and Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe because I’m a sap for a good love song.”
Chris: “Can’t Stop Me Now by Queen, Sweet Caroline by Niel Diamond, and Dancing Queen by ABBA. I have a thing for the older music.”
14. Do you have an aesthetic and how would you describe it?
Shannon: “The 90′s personified, because I love how bright it all is. Contrasts with the black suits I wear to work everyday.”
Chris: “Practical, durable, and unnoticeable.”
15. How do you normally dress?
Shannon: “At work I wear black tailored suits, usually with some colorful tie. Off duty I wear bright windbreakers, baggy jeans, and anything that really screams lesbian honestly. Oh and you can’t forget the heelies.”
Chris: “Blank t-shirt, cargo pants with plenty of pockets, and converse. When I’m working in the shop it gets covered with a heavy duty set of coveralls.”
16. How do you normally wear your hair?
Shannon: “Pixie cut with the sides shaved close, usually dyed some bright color.”
Chris: “Just touching the base of my neck and swept back. If I’m working in the shop, I have it pulled up into a short ponytail. When doing hero work my hair is shoulder length and unkempt. I’ve tried brushing it out, trust me, never stays.”
17. Who is closest to you?
Shannon: “Aliza, my girlfriend.”
Chris: “Winnie. I trust her with my life.”
18. Who have you lost?
Shannon: “I’d rather not talk about that.”
Chris: “More people than I’d have preferred to lose before I’m 70.”
19. How do you feel about your family?
Shannon: “It’s complicated. They raised me and cared for me and empowered me to pursue my dreams, and I’ll always be grateful for that. But when you’re from a small town in a rural area, they aren’t the most accepting of the whole sexuality thing. They’ve gotten better, but I can tell they’d honestly wish I would settle down with a man. Sucks for them though, I’m perfectly happy where I am. My brother is the one exception who’s accepted me from day one, and I’m grateful to him for that.”
Chris: “They’ve been nothing but supportive of me and my interests. I was worried when I came out that they’d reject me, but instead they warmed up to me changing my name and my fluctuating pronouns. My parents have worried about me of course, I am their oldest kid after all who doesn’t exactly fit the mold of what my hometown might call normal. They also basically adopted Winnie as their fifth kid after meeting her once, they’re a loving kind of people. My siblings are great. We get on each others nerves sometimes and definitely have had our rough spots, but in the end we’re there for each other. Even if my little brother is a little shit. I can only hope they’ll take the truth of my superpowers and being a superhero as well as they have everything else.”
20. How do you feel about your culture?
Shannon: “What culture, I’m from hicksville USA, we got farmland, coal mines, and racism. I guess our music is nice but everything else feels like it doesn’t even really exist.”
Chris: “I’m from an area with a bunch of mountain people. Our culture involves hunting, illegal shine stills, meth labs, and pot farms. Don’t go into the wrong side of the hollar or you might not come out, all that. Though the sense of community there is pretty strong, even if its very much a ‘you grew up here so you’re one of us’ way. I can take parts of it and leave others.”
21. Is there anything either would dislike about you?
Shannon: “Yes to both and its mostly that I’m gay and dating another woman.”
Chris: “I should hope my family doesn’t dislike me. As for my uh, ‘culture’, my gender identity for sure. I’ve had the odd look here and there growing up. And some classmates not quite sure what to make of me.”
22. Any regrets?
Shannon: “Loads, but I try not to let them control me. What happened in the past is in the past.”
Chris: “More than I care to admit and I get more every day.”
23. Any vices?
Shannon: answered here
Chris: “My video games I guess. I dunno’ I don’t think I have that many. Bad habits sure, vices eh, take it or leave it.”
24. Any phobias?
Shannon: answered here
Chris: “My old boss figuring out I know what he did, random facilities conveniently in the middle of nowhere, the government locking my ass up as a test subject, I could go on.”
25. Any triggers?
Shannon: “Explosions, not a big fan of fireworks because of it.”
Chris: “Explosions, gunshots, head trauma, my anxiety can be a trigger sometimes if I’m stressed out enough honestly.”
26. Any hobbies?
Shannon: “Skateboarding, fishing, camping, going to the gym, things that keep me active honestly.”
Chris: “Engineering new tech, video games, I stream on twitch from time to time. I still also enjoy reading comics and building complicated lego sets.”
27. Is there someone or something you would die for?
Shannon: “Aliza, justice, my team, if I have to go down so a criminal can be apprehended, then so be it.”
Chris: “My family, Winnie, saving the people who need saving.”
28. Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
Shannon: “I try to be an optimist, otherwise I’d end up being very bitter on the job.”
Chris: “I’m in the middle, and it entirely depends on the situation.”
29. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Shannon: “Introverted-Extrovert. I enjoy people but I need my alone time.”
Chris: “Introvert. I’m fine with small groups but I don’t like large crowds. Though, I have to put on an extroverted front as Equinox. Equinox is more of a people person.”
30. Are you brains or brawn?
Shannon: “More brawn than brains but I’m not stupid.”
Chris: “Why not both?”
31. Are you passive or aggressive?
Shannon: “More aggressive than passive in a work setting. At home I’m passive.”
Chris: “More aggressive.”
32. What are you best at?
Shannon: “I am very talented at finding good campsites.”
Chris: “Creating new technology. I am an engineer by education.”
33. What are you worst at?
Shannon: already answered
Chris: “I’m pretty shit at shooting a gun larger than a pistol.”
34. What is something you want to be good at but are really bad at?
Shannon: “Skating, just so I can prove to Aliza that I can indeed master any form of wheel based sport.”
Chris: “Managing my anger.”
35. What’s your place in your world or the world you’ve entered?
Shannon: “I’m a special agent at the National Agency of Superpowered Persons, or NASP. I help manage the superhero team that protects Detroit.”
Chris: “I’m a mechanic by trade and one of the world’s first superheroes when the occasion calls for it. Recently picked up the hobby of unwillingly being flung through alternate dimensions trying to find our way home. Hopefully we end up doing what the main character in Quantum Leap couldn’t do and get home.”
36. What’s your place in your peer group?
Shannon: “A fellow agent and occasionally boss. Friend group is different but you said peer group not friend group so eh.”
Chris: “I honestly don’t know. My peer group is limited to my friend Winnie and two bank robbers I’m still trying to get a handle on.”
37. How do you feel about your story?
Shannon: “Well aside from the trauma, I feel okay about it. Could do with superheroes who don’t break the law on a regular basis but you take what you can get. Not that all of them do that.”
Chris: “I just hope I can get some fucking rest soon. All this stress is going to make me go grey before I’m ready for that. Or it could kill me, who knows at this point.”
38. How do you feel about your author?
Shannon: “They suffer from executive dysfunction and more of the story exists in their head than on paper. But thats fine.”
Chris: “I have two and I only vaguely know what one of them has planned for me.”
39. Do you know your ending? How do you feel about that?
Shannon: “Yes and I’m not looking forward to it.”
Chris: “Yes and no. I know what one of them would LIKE to make my ending, but who knows if that will end up being what happens in the prime universe.”
40. Any AU’s you wish you lived instead?
Shannon: “I do quite like the idea of being a bartender with the other three fed characters in the biker AU. That’s got lots of fun antics going on in it.”
Chris: “The everyone lives AU is significantly less painful and more meme-filled.”
#WHERE THE FUCK DID THE READMORE GO#ugh jesus alright you know what whatever#tungle dot hell be broken#Chris Mitchell#shannon miller#heroes campaign#edit: fixed the readmore I THINK
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title: tongue-tied
word count: 2661
prompt: creator’s choice
rating/warnings: G, no warnings
summary:
Ochako looks so beautiful when she's talking about her family. Tsuyu feels like floating away, the weight of the secret she's been keeping rising to the surface and taking her with it.
This is it. I have to say it to her now, Tsuyu thinks.
“Your hair looks nice today,” she tells Ochako.
Well, that didn't sound remotely similar to “I am deeply in love with you,” but it's the closest she's come to saying it so far.
Or, Asui Tsuyu has never had any trouble speaking her mind - except for the one time it really matters.
read on ao3 or below the cut!
Asui Tsuyu has been telling herself “today’s the day” for approximately two months now, but today she actually means it.
She’s gonna do it. She’s gonna confess to Ochako today.
Tsuyu spent all of homeroom picturing how it will go down. During lunch break, she’ll make eye contact with Ochako across the cafeteria. Ochako will be so entranced by their locked gaze that she’ll stumble and drop her tray - but Tsuyu will be there to catch her food, and Ochako. She’ll sweep her up in her arms, tray balanced in one hand, and Ochako will look at her with wide eyes, and she’ll finally say it, in front of the entire cafeteria, in front of Ochako, finally.
Tsuyu will tell Ochako she loves her, and they’ll live happily ever after. She saw it in a movie once.
She watches the seconds til lunch tick down as Present Mic wraps up English class. That’s another idea - maybe Ochako will be impressed if she can tell her how she feels in more than one language.
Tsuyu adds “multilingual confession” to her list of go-to daydreams.
The bell rings and she snatches up her backpack, her eyes already finding the quickest path around the desks to the door - when a warm hand on her shoulder holds her steady.
“Tsuyu! Let’s go to the cafeteria together,” Ochako says brightly.
Tsuyu takes one look at the hopeful expression on Ochako’s face and immediately throws her carefully considered plans out the window.
“Of course,” Tsuyu agrees, already guiding Ochako away from Mineta before he can invite himself.
Tsuyu is jostled by the throngs of students also heading to lunch the moment she steps out of the classroom. Ochako laughs and links their arms together at the elbow, forming a wall that Yuuei’s best couldn’t get through.
“So we don’t get separated,” she whispers in her ear, and Tsuyu unwittingly tightens her grip.
They maneuver around groups of their classmates calling out to each other, making plans to eat together or asking friends to hold their place in line, never releasing their hold on each other. Tsuyu glances up at Ochako occasionally, not wanting to miss her reactions to the chaos. She always meets her gaze, maintaining eye contact until Tsuyu has to blink away.
There’s something in Ochako’s eyes when she looks at Tsuyu - a slight change from when she’s looking at anyone else in the hall. It might be wishful thinking on Tsuyu’s part, though. She has spent a significant portion of her day imagining that Ochako returns her feelings.
Tsuyu sighs as they make it out of the congested hallways only to be faced with a lunch line wrapping around two walls of the cafeteria.
“I should just float us to the front,” Ochacko grumbles.
Tsuyu laughs. “You probably shouldn’t. They might ground us to our dorms, and you’re visiting your parents this weekend, right?”
Ochako’s mood brightens immediately even as they come to a stop at the end of the line, a wait half as long as their lunch break ahead of them, and she delves into her plans for the weekend. Tsuyu listens carefully, her eyes flickering over Ochako’s face as her gestures grow wilder when she becomes more excited. She looks so beautiful when she's talking about her family. Tsuyu feels like floating away, the weight of the secret she's been keeping rising to the surface and taking her with it.
This is it. I have to say it to her now, Tsuyu thinks.
“Your hair looks nice today,” she tells Ochako.
Well, that didn't sound remotely similar to “I am deeply in love with you,” but it's the closest she's come to saying it so far.
Ochako beams in response, looping her arm around Tsuyu’s shoulders. “Thanks, hon!”
“You’re welcome,” Tsuyu sighs in resignation. She wonders if Ochako can feel her shoulders droop.
---
Tsuyu isn’t used to thinking something in her head and having something different come out of her mouth. In her experience, the opposite has been more of a problem.
She had overheard classmates whispering about how difficult it is to decipher what she’s thinking enough times that Tsuyu decided if they want to know so bad, she’ll tell them exactly what’s on her mind.
Lately, it’s been her feelings for Ochako that are on her mind, but for some reason she’s been unable to say them out loud. Tsuyu is willing to admit that she’s had enough encounters with fear while studying at Yuuei to recognize what’s blocking her throat and scrambling her thoughts every time she’s on the verge of confessing. She’s scared - scared to lose everything they have together. If Ochako doesn’t return her feelings, she’ll stop calling her hon, stop inviting Tsuyu into her dorm to study, stop holding her hand when she’s stressed. Tsuyu doesn’t want to go back to a time when Ochako wasn’t her closest friend.
What’s really upsetting her is that there have been plenty of opportunities to tell Ochako.
There was the time after Ochako’s match with Bakugou at the Sports Festival. Tsuyu was sore all over the next day, but her hands had hurt especially from how hard she had been gripping her seat. She had been worried for Ochako during the battle, of course, but she was more proud than anything. Ochako more than held her own against the winner of the competition - she challenged him, and Tsuyu had seen the kind of hero Ochako would be. That Ochako is.
So she confessed. Or, she tried to. Telling someone “you fight good” was basically a declaration of love, right?
There have been countless chances at the end of any clash with villains, when Tsuyu could only focus on keeping her friends safe during the fight but afterwards she always found Ochako (or Ochako found her) and they held onto each other, scared of what could happen if they let go.
Neither of them had been able to say anything after those encounters, so Tsuyu didn’t really count them against herself.
There was the time when it was just the two of them in Ochako’s dorm, Ochako braiding Tsuyu’s hair as she did the reading for Present Mic’s class. Tsuyu turned to point something out and Ochako leaned forward and she had been so close, close enough that Tsuyu could see the flush in her cheeks, her eyelashes fluttering as her eyes flickered over the words in her book, and Tsuyu had been so close to saying it.
What had come out instead was, “You have an eyelash on your cheek.”
Tsuyu helped Ochako make a wish and only wondered if they wished for the same things five or ten times.
Tsuyu knew it was time for a break when she considered asking Mina to find out if Ochako liked anyone in their class. If she did that, the news of her crush would spread all the way to the teacher’s lounge. All Might pulling her aside to give her advice on how to confess was one of her recurring nightmares.
Her parents had to take a trip for work over the weekend, and Tsuyu leapt at the opportunity to go home and clear her mind. Even without taking Ochako’s distracting presence into account (she had recently developed a habit of fixing the bow in Tsuyu’s hair whenever it was lopsided, and it was giving Tsuyu heart palpitations), she had missed her siblings while dorming at Yuuei.
She’s resting in her sister’s room now, tired from the train ride and having to answer her siblings’ questions about All Might. No matter how hard Tsuyu tries, neither of them can be convinced to put up an Eraserhead poster in the house, even though he saved her from the Villain Alliance and they kinda owe him for keeping the only good cook among the three of them alive. Tsuyu has always respected the way he was honest with his students - even more so now that she knows how difficult it is to tell the truth.
Dang it. She’s thinking about Ochako again.
“Aaagghhhhh!” Tsuyu stuffs her face into her sister’s pillow, muffling her groans, and rolls around on her bed. She comes to a stop on her stomach and sighs, turning her head slightly and jolting in surprise when she comes face to face with her sister’s cat doll.
A cat doll that looks remarkably like Ochako.
This is getting out of hand.
Or, the extremely lovesick part of Tsuyu thinks, maybe it’s another one of those perfect opportunities.
Tsuyu checks surreptitiously over her shoulder and under her sister’s bed, making sure there are no nosy kids crawling around where they shouldn’t be. She plops down in front of the cat doll and focuses her gaze on it. The doll maintains eye contact.
Tsuyu takes a deep breath.
“Uraraka Ochako,” she says. “I loooo-”
Her throat closes up and she chokes a little.
“You can do this,” Tsuyu mutters to herself. She steels herself and grips the doll by its slight, fluffy shoulders.
“I looo- love you,” she grits out. That wasn’t so bad. The cat appraises her with plastic eyes. Tsuyu thinks it looks proud.
“Ochako. I love you,” Tsuyu says again, for more practice and because she likes the way it sounds.
“I love you.” She tries it in English.
“I love you, and also will you please go on a date with me?” The cat doesn’t respond. Tsuyu acknowledges that she needs to work on her delivery.
A prickling feeling on the back of her neck makes her whip around in time to see Satsuki standing in the doorway of her room. Tsuyu blinks at her. She blinks back.
“Please don’t speak of this to anyone,” Tsuyu says.
“Don’t worry,” Satsuki reassures her seriously. “I understand.”
And Tsuyu must really be out of it this week, because she makes a desperate sound and asks, “You do?”
“Yes,” she replies. “That’s my favorite doll. I love her too.”
“Oh,” Tsuyu says weakly. “Okay.”
Satsuki looks at her carefully before entering the room and planting herself on the floor across from Tsuyu.
“Why are you sad?” she asks, her eyes wide.
Tsuyu’s head falls into her hands. “I have a crush.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” Satsuki says in a confused tone. “Wait - do you have a crush on my doll?”
“No! It’s a classmate. And I can’t tell if she has a crush on me too,” Tsuyu explains. “But I’m too scared to ask.”
“Oh,” Satsuki nods sagely. “Is it Uraraka-san?”
Tsuyu’s head snaps up. “How did you know?”
“I could tell,” she says. “When she visited that one time. You were acting weird.”
Tsuyu emits a high-pitched, croaking whine. So she hadn’t been hiding it as well as she thought.
“Why do you like her?” Satsuki asks.
Tsuyu considers the question.
How could anyone not like Ochako? She was brave - you had to be, to attend Yuuei, but even among Class A her courage was notable. She loved her family, enough to devote her career to them, and she loved her friends. When Tsuyu was feeling down it was remembering something Ochako said that raised her spirits, if she wasn’t there to do it in person. Her quirk is fitting - Ochako is always lifting others up.
Tsuyu has it so, so bad.
Satsuki watches as Tsuyu tries to restrain the smile that appears whenever she thinks about Ochako.
“Whatever you’re thinking of,” she says. “You should just tell her that.”
Tsuyu looks at her carefully, pride blossoming in her chest. “When did you get so smart?”
“When did you start paying attention?” Satsuki replies. “I’ve always been smart.”
Tsuyu laughs and scoops her up, leaving the cat doll on her bed as she heads for the kitchen. “What do you want for dinner? You can choose - just don’t tell Samidare.”
---
A perfect opportunity presents itself again while Tsuyu and Ochako are on an assignment for their internship. At this point, Tsuyu is convinced that the universe is either on her side or actively working against her.
Ochako is made for this kind of hero work. While Ryuukyuu and Nejire face off against a villain, Tsuyu and Ochako are tasked with helping civilians evacuate. Ochako floats debris away with ease, clearing a path and guiding them to safety, hovering calmly above the masses of panicking citizens to point them in the right direction.
With the rumbling sounds of the battle happening a few streets over continuing in the background, Tsuyu and Ochako finish evacuating and join the police in searching for stragglers. The street is mostly empty, cars and stores abandoned as they make their way carefully through piles of concrete. They climb wordlessly to the top of the tallest mound of rubble and survey the area.
Tsuyu gulps as Ochako pulls her helmet off, her hair swishing in the wind as she wipes beads of sweat from her forehead.
She wouldn’t give up their time together for the world, but to observers it must look like Tsuyu actively enjoys torturing herself.
Ochako is smiling as she rotates slowly at the top of mountain of crumbled stone, Tsuyu’s eyes never leaving her. She regards Tsuyu with a fierce grin and drops down to her level.
“We did it, Tsuyu,” she says, grasping her shoulders. Tsuyu freezes, torn between pulling away and getting closer. “We helped so many people.”
I love you.
“You did really well out there,” Tsuyu says.
The intensity fades from Ochako’s eyes and her grip on Tsuyu’s shoulders loosens. She takes a step back and Tsuyu panics, can feel herself being pulled into Ochako’s center of gravity (always, she’s always drawn to Ochako) but she’s unable to take that last step. She’s always unable to take that last step.
“Thanks, Tsuyu,” Ochako says. “You were really brave, too.”
She turns to leave, and Tsuyu can feel her words being pulled from her throat with every step she takes, but she still can’t bring herself to say it.
I love you. I love you.
“Ochako, wait,” Tsuyu grits out, anger at her silence, at her fear, at herself boiling in the pit of her stomach.
Tsuyu doesn’t do silence. She doesn’t hold back. If she can’t speak, she finds another way to be heard.
“I’m being ridiculous,” Tsuyu says.
Ochako is only able to turn to her, lips parted in confusion, before Tsuyu grabs her face and pulls her in for a kiss.
She makes a tiny, surprised sound and Tsuyu’s heart stutters in fear before she realizes Ochako is kissing her back and she feels like flying.
It’s good, as far as first kisses go - Tsuyu might accidentally be squeezing Ochako’s cheeks too much (but she loves them, so it might accidentally be on purpose), and the floaty feeling in her stomach is either a symptom of the kiss or Ochako’s powers. She’ll figure it out when she opens her eyes. But still - it’s really, really good.
Tsuyu pulls away to press a kiss to Ochako’s nose, her forehead, her cheeks. Ochako laughs breathlessly, and oh, they are in the sky but that’s not the only reason Tsuyu has butterflies in her stomach.
“I love you,” Tsuyu says, gripping her wrists. “Ochako, I love you.”
“I know,” Ochako replies, pressing her forehead against Tsuyu’s. “You’ve told me so many times.”
Tsuyu tilts her head in confusion as they spin slowly over the street.
“When you were there for me after the Sports Festival, and when you hold my hand after a fight, and when you help me study - I know you do those things because you love me,” Ochako says, stroking her thumb under Tsuyu’s eye. “Oh! And, I love you too.”
Tsuyu lets out a startled laugh and Ochako joins in, pulling her closer as they float higher. Tsuyu never wants to come down.
“I love you,” she says, one more time, now that she can say it.
Tsuyu is never gonna stop saying it.
#tsuchako#tsuchakoweek#asui tsuyu#uraraka ochako#bnha#mha#im not here i'm in LA#but i wanted to post this#my writing
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Hold On
Ryan had always loved vacations to the cabin. He’d know that Nicole had gone with Tristan a few times but this was going to be their first time there as a couple. Come to think of it, it would actually be their first vacation together. They were both on winter break. Free from school, free from sports and finally able to spend some undivided time together. Nicole had stayed over the night before and he had loved how easy it was to hang out with her. They stayed up all of last night eating pizza and watching dumb movies until the sun came up. This caused them to sleep in until about three that afternoon.Ryan might have even slept longer than that but Jess called him wanting to know what exit to take. After finally get dressed and packing up the truck, they made one last stop at the grocery store to buy more snacks before embarking on the long trip to the cabin. They sang to all the shitty pop songs Nicole had on her phone and Ryan got to torture her with Old Town Road and other trap country remixes until they pulled into the driveway.
Ryan grabbed their suitcases as Nicole grabbed the cooler full of goodies. “Alright you little idiots, big bro is here ready to make sure everyone’s behaving!” “Yeah, okay.” Nicole said letting out a laugh before putting the cooler on the floor before running over to plop next to Tristan on the couch. “Do you guys have more stuff in the car?” Cameron asked looking up from his phone to ask Nicole. “Nope, just the two suitcases and the cooler, why?” “I just assumed that Jess and Alex were out there taking stuff out.” “No, they didn’t come with us.” “They didn’t.” Ryan walked over and sat on the arm of the couch, “They didn’t what?” Nicole rolled on her back to look at him, “Alex and Jess didn’t come with us.” “They aren’t here yet?” Ryan asked feeling a tinge of panic before texting Jessica’s phone. Tristan shrugged, “It’s no big deal, Jess is normally always late. I wasn’t expecting her to show up for another hour or two.” Ryan shook his head standing up, “No, she left long before me. She called me when she was on the way up here at three.” Ryan tried to call Jessica’s phone but it went straight to voicemail. As he tried to call Alex’s and paced around the living room, Nicole looked at her phone realizing it was now almost eight.
Cameron gave Tristan a nervous expression, “I think something’s wrong. Maybe we-” “I’m going to go down the road and see if they got stuck in a ditch or something.” Ryan interrupted. Cameron stood up, “Yeah, I’ll go too. Let me grab my shoes.” He said before running over the closet by the front door. Nicole sighed before getting up, “I guess I’ll go and make sure they don’t do anything crazy.” Tristan moved to stand up, “Maybe I should-” “No, it’s alright. You’re pregnant, stay here and stay warm. I’m sure everything’s fine and they’re out taking pictures or having public sex like they like to get suspended for.” Nicole ruffled her hair before walking out of the door behind the boys. With Nicole being last she got into the back seat and leaned forward onto the center console as Ryan backed up. “I know you guys are thinking the worst right now but can we all agree to take a breath?” The guys agreed with a sigh as Cameron rolled down his window to see better. Nicole leaned back with a sigh of her own drumming her hands on the console.
Ryan was driving back down the hill at the slowest rate of speed he could manage through his nerves. About a third of the way down he noticed the guard rail was missing. Tapping on his brakes, he came to a stop and quickly got out of the driver’s seat not bothering to shut the door behind him before running down the embankment(?). “Jessica!” He yelled out the top of his lungs to no response causing him to yell again. “Help!” A voice further a way yelled, but as he continued to shuffle down the dirt and snow, he noticed a body by a tree. Turning to run towards it he nearly slid down the rest of the hill before getting to the mass. “Jess? Jess?” Turning the body over, he saw it was his sister’s face covered in dark red blood in contrast to her light blue lips. “No, no, no, no.” He started to panic looking up the hill he shouted for Nicole to call 911 before starting compressions.
Nicole got out her phone in disbelief as Cameron took off down the embankment towards the voice which she assumed to be Alex. On the phone with the dispatcher, she tried to give them as many land markers as she could before the operator instructed her to turn on the hazard lights for Ryan’s truck. She started to make her way down, slipping a few times but wanting to help. Cam found Alex not much longer and started yelling to Nicole, giving her a quick rundown of what he could tell and she played middle man between him and the 911 operator.
As the paramedics arrived and started to take over compression, Ryan stood up and started patting his pants pockets with shaking hands. Nicole sighed and put her hands on his shoulders, “You left them in the truck, just breathe for a seco-” “I need you to take my truck, tell them what happened and that we’re going to the hospital. Do not speed down this pass, I don’t know if they hit ice, I don’t know, just be careful.” He kissed the side of her head before jogging over and pushing his way into the ambulance. Getting his phone out of his back pocket, he continued to press his dad’s contact information over and over again to call him until the sixth time he finally answered. “Ryan, what did I tell you about calling multiple times while I’m operating. I told you the hot water tank was in the basement and it takes both switch-” “Are you out of surgery?” “Yes, I’m walking back to my office right now, what’s wr-” “It’s Jessica.” His voice broke looking over at the paramedic continuing to do CPR on her limp body before looking back at his feet. “What happened?” “I don’t know, she doesn’t have a pulse, I tried my best.” He got out before continuing to cry.
Ryan gave his dad as much of a rundown as he could between the tears and trying to listen to the two EMTs as they worked on Jessica, yelling at them not to stop and declare anything because the biggest hospital in town was named after her family. That she was a proud surgeon’s daughter.
Derek met the ambulance at the emergency entrance with Meredith on the way, rushing along with the gurney as it came rushing into the hospital. Everyone swarmed Jessica, eventually pushing Derek out of the way seeing as though he couldn’t work on his own family. He and Meredith reached Ryan at about the same time.
After Derek had rushed off with Jessica, Ryan paced back and forth, arms wrapping around himself as he listened from a distance to what everyone was saying. Occasionally he shouted for them to help her, but after a couple times, he was being directed back to one of their empty overflow wait rooms. The eldest sibling looked down at himself after keeping an almost constant eye on the doorway to the waiting room, hoping for someone to burst in with good news, but instead of seeing a smiling face, he stared down at his sister’s blood on his hands and clothes. He lapped the room over and over as he paced until Jackson was coming back in, spare pair of scrubs in hand with one of their patient admission bags so he could change. The bag carrying his wet and bloodied clothes was tossed on the ground next to one of the closest seats in the room before Ryan collapsed against the wall, sliding down it and putting his head in his hands as he choked on silent sobs until he could pull himself a bit more together. That’s where he met back up with his parents, though they all kept going to check on Jessica one at a time. Ryan and Derek were dealing with this all pretty much the same way, with a lot of pacing, sitting just to stand again and a lot of back and forth checking on Jessica and the team of doctors working to restart her heart.
About fifteen minutes later, Cam came rushing in, looking just as panicked and teary-eyed as he did and Ryan finally took a seat, patting the spot next to him and nodding to his dad when his pager started signalling, causing him to rush out of the waiting room to go check on his next emergency patient. Tristan, Nicole, Austin and James all arrived at the hospital about 45 minutes later and Ryan knew he wasn’t staying as calm as he should have, as calm as Nicole probably would have preferred. After about two hours of constant pacing, occasionally sitting next to her with his knee bouncing, Ryan snapped and went in to watch them working on Jessica from the window outside her room.
Another couple hours passed in a blur before the team finally seemed to warm Jessica up enough to get her into the surgical bay. She was far from stable and Ryan didn’t really know what he was able or supposed to do to help as everyone rushed from the hospital room with Jessica into the OR, but Nicole grabbed him and brought him back to the waiting room. Beth eventually arrived and Ryan finally had someone else who seemed to be in about at much distress as he was over it all.
The three, along with Tristan and Cam who seemed to be bouncing back and forth from checking on Alex, all went up to oversee the surgery, fresh cups of coffee in hand, just waiting for a miracle.
#okay i put all the pieces of it together#idk if it flows#i'll check it out tomorrow#been dealing with katie for hours now
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hngh
what’s it like having parents that care about you?
Like, lemme be clear; the only abuse my parents can be accused of is emotional negligence and, in the case of my mom, emotional abuse. I write in tags and stuff all the time about how both of them have the collective emotional intelligence of a 7-year-old with adhd, and I wish to god I was exaggerating. But that’s all, the only physical stuff I dealt with was the occasional spanking on my behind with a hand.
My dad has a reason for being the way he is, since his mom emotionally (and probably physically let’s be real she was a huge bitch) abused his dad and probably him, and he vowed never to let a woman treat him that way, even if it meant treating his wife the way his mother treated his dad.
As for my mom, as far as I can piece it, despite having six siblings she was at least her dad’s favorite, and she idolized her mom something fierce. I can only imagine being married to a man who didn’t love her and who emotionally (and probably physically lets be real he used to not even let her visit her family and made her quit a well-paying job because it wasn’t “a woman’s place”) just so she could have children like she wanted, only for her husband to have some accident that left him infertile and left her only the option to adopt two children who had already experienced trauma and to watch her husband emotionally (and definitely physically, my mom told me of instances where he’d broken their teeth and gave them bruises) abuse them as well as her and to exacerbate that abuse because it was the only way she could feel in control.....could do that to a person.
Luckily for me and unfortunately for my aunt and birthmom, I was a pretty low-key kid to raise compared to them, what with my aunt exhibiting behaviors that could be attributed to borderline personality disorder and my birthmom having stereotypical “daddy issues” and running away at 16 to be with some guy, only to come back home covered in lice. They also had the misfortune of living with my dad when he was still young and hadn’t lost 80% of his lung capacity to pneumonia yet, so he hadn’t mellowed out and had a lot more energy to take out his own trauma on them.
I was fortunate in that 1) they had me my whole life so I didn’t have the chance to have sexual and physical trauma thrust upon be before age 5, 2) despite the fact that I was a grade A brat when I was little, all you had to do was scold me sternly enough to make my emotional ass cry and I’d immediately give in and come to you for comfort, and 3) despite having some.....deeply disturbing thoughts, I enthusiastically honored and feared authority (unless my mom told me to fold the laundry and sweep my room lmao) and drew and read when I wasn’t doing homework, so I wasn’t very much trouble at all compared to them. The worst I ever got was when homework started getting hard for me and my parents couldn’t understand why, so most of our conversations about that ended either with me in screaming arguments with my mom about grades because neither of us knew why I was doing so poorly (hint: it was undiagnosed inattentive ADHD that no one knew I had because I enjoyed quiet hobbies) and me being grounded V E R Y frequently, or else it ended with her bargaining with me to try to motivate me to do better (hint: it never worked because when I tried to force myself to do homework I always ended up crying because I couldn’t make myself do it and I had to rely on in-class work and tests to coast by). Since that was the worst of it and not me, say, sneaking a boy into my room so we could fuck, only for my dad to find out and chase him across the yard with his rifle to scare him away, they didn’t really have a whole lot of trouble with me. That’s not to say my dad wasn’t ridiculous still, I’m p sure he threatened to call the cops on me a couple times when I was like 19 despite the fact I wrote him a note telling him where i was going and what exact time I intended to be home by that day, although I can’t for the life of me remember where I was going. All I know is that my mom talked him out of it by telling him exactly how dumb he sounded and how the police would never take him seriously because he cosigned me onto the car insurance.
Funny how they only ever had my back if it went against each other.
Whatever. Despite all that, and despite how well they looked after me physically (I went to the doctor annually and the dentist semiannually, any dental work I needed done got done, they fed me well enough I’ve been fat my whole life and Mom bought me so many clothes I only ever wore 1/3 of them regularly, and they even indulged me with books and, a little more rarely, art supplies), they were always...kinda ass...at taking care of me mentally and emotionally. Like I said, neither of them could figure out why I was doing so poorly in school after showing so much promise, and while they were really good at the emotional care that little kids need (my dad used to read to me and let me take naps on his belly and rode bikes with me, and they both used to take me on car rides and tell me about the world and their pasts), the older I got the less equipped they were to fulfill my emotional needs. Even when I finally decided I needed to talk to someone about the severe depression I developed after I broke up with a guy who enjoyed exacerbating the guilt I felt for breaking up with him and after the whole AidanReese fiasco, my mom had to go behind my dad’s back to take me to therapy because he doesn’t believe in psychology and thinks that all psychologists think Christians are delusional and sick in the head, and all I ever heard from my mom was that fact and the fact that she was super shitty that she had to pay $20 every week for me to go to therapy just to see no improvement on my “attitude” and grades, despite the fact that she refused to drive any farther than the town she grew up in and despite the fact that that “therapist” was a lawyer with a PsyD who did therapy on the side. Mom’s real good at making you feel bad about things you can’t control.
I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt by saying they’d never had the chance to develop that skill because they hadn’t ever had a “normal” kid before, because though they didn’t understand my passion for music and art and stories, they tried their best to support those parts of me, and I will never forget that no matter how much I hate them now. My dad even funded my brief time as a music performance major because he and I genuinely believed that I loved it enough and was good at it enough to make a life out of it, and he never once tried to convince me to do something else when I told him it was what I wanted. I’ll never forget that either, as much as I have to hate him. Also, my mom sorta understood, although she could never really accept, that I wasn’t exclusively into dudes and that I didn’t want to get married, and she was even the one who actually came to me about me being trans because she read an article in the paper about it and realized a lot of what the lady in the article talked about could be attributed to me, although I couldn’t confirm nor deny it to her because it’s impossible to explain nonbinary as an identity to 70-year-old women. She never spoke a word of it to my dad. That was genuinely the closest she ever got to acknowledging my personhood, and I will never forget that either, as much as I have to hate her.
The only thing I wish they’d been able to give me is the love I needed. I wish I didn’t find the idea of openly sharing myself with my parents as grotesquely absurd and hilariously nonsensical as I do. I wish that my mom could see me as a person with desires and needs, and not as a sentient malfunctional doll. I wish I didn’t have to move away from my parents to finally have boundaries with my mom because she couldn’t ever really respect that I am a person and not her toy. I wish my mom wouldn’t see every behavior and ideal of mine that wasn’t in line with hers as an intentional and direct slight and an indication that I hated her instead of just an expression of myself. I wish my dad wasn’t the type of person to subtly give me the silent treatment the year I chopped all my hair off, just to start speaking to me again when I realized the reason for the silence was because he thought I was indirectly telling the world I was gay and I reassured him that I wasn’t (it was a half-truth, after all, so I wasn’t technically lying). I wish that I didn’t have to actively lie about small details of my life because the simple idea of me not wanting children and not wanting to have sex with another human being isn’t one my mom accepts or my dad would understand, so living with primarily men as a ���girl” would make them see me as the same as my aunt and birthmom, which is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE to me. I wish I didn’t have to drop subtle hints to my dad that I’m still a Christian for fear of him finding out I’m not and removing me from his will.
I just...wish my parents loved me instead of either just doing their duty as a parent or seeing me as a toy, and I wish I loved them enough to not only see them as the gateways to the bee farm I intend to manage when they die and I get their house.
because i really need a hug from a parent figure that I care about and who cares about me right now
#i'm not mad about anything#I'm just really craving parental affection#this is really long#and I wish I could say it's melodramatic because it reads like it is#so if you don't care skip it#and if you're a nosey bitch go right ahead just know there's a lot to read and it's probably repetitive#im so fucking touch starved fuck#I know for a fact I wouldn't have had to struggle to learn how to be a human if I'd had help#I know also that I might have actually grown to be a good person if I'd had that kind of warmth#shit sucks#I can only imagine how bad it is for people who have actual problems lmao
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151
Do you still enjoy eating ice-cream in the winter?
We don’t have winter, but it is nice to eat ice cream during the colder months. It’s hot and humid all year, so we grab the chance to be chilly as much as we can.
Do you swear a lot?
This comes up a lot in surveys and I always give the same answer: of fucking course.
Have you ever been told off for swearing at school/work?
In elementary and high school, yeah. There were looooads of goody-goody people there.
Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile recently?
Nope.
Who was the last person you talked about love/relationships with?
Ehh just my girlfriend.
Did you get any friend requests on Facebook today?
Not today but I’ve been getting more ever since I decided to apply for an org.
The last time you said "leave me alone", did you really mean it?
I always make sure that I do mean it when I ask for it.
Do you have plans for the weekend yet?
I have a makeup class on Saturday afternoon, but other than that not yet. My dad already left for work overseas, so we’re back to lazy weekends in the house.
What were you doing 2 hours ago?
I was watching a Korean show called The Return of Superman.
Are you attracted to the last person that put their arms around you?
No, that was a co-applicant who hugged me unexpectedly and I’m not close with her yet.
Has anyone let you down recently?
Myself.
Have you met anyone new in the past month?
I’ve met tons of new people in that time period, again all thanks to this org I’m currently in the process of applying for. There are 35 resident members and 24 of us applying, so that’s 59 new people I’ve known :)
Who was the last person to really get on your nerves?
Idk maybe someone stupid on the road.
What did they do?
Be a bad driver. My biggest pet peeve when driving is when people swerve to my lane without using a turn signal, and then proceed to drive slowly; but apparently a lot of Filipinos like to do that, so plz kill me.
Would you prefer to be told the truth, even if it wasn't nice to hear?
Yes I hate it when stuff I’m involved in are kept from me.
What was the last thing you had to do, that you didn't enjoy doing?
Go to school on a Monday.
Where was the last place you thought about having sex, other than your bed?
My car.
Who is the 10th contact in your phone?
Gabie.
What colour are his/her eyes?
Dark brown.
Have you ever spilled anything on your computer?
Nope. I’m clumsy, but that’s a grave sin.
How long have you had your current mobile phone?
I’ve had this particular phone for 8 months; but I’ve had a 5S since 2015.
When was the last time someone of the opposite sex asked for your number?
People in general have never been that straightforward with me.
Did you give it to them?
Do you remember the last time you went against someone's advice?
Not really. I’m easily swayed by advice.
Do you regret it?
More recently, no I haven’t.
Do you care about the last person you Facebook messaged?
Of course, she’s my partner.
When was the last time one of your parents bought something for you?
My mom got me McDonald’s twister fries last night.
What was it?
^
Name the last 10 people in your Facebook inbox.
(Most of the recent ones are group chats, so I’ll just list down the last person to send something from each)
1: Gab
2: Dima
3: Macy
4: Rick
5: Sham
6: Angela
7: Kaira
8: Michelle
9: Miggy
10: Agatha
When was the last time you saw 4?
Yesterday. He was part of the writing workshop we had.
How many siblings does 9 have?
I have no idea; I haven’t had a proper conversation with him since the first semester of last year.
Has 2 ever made you cry?
No, that would be mortifying.
Where did you meet 3?
I first met her in grade school. I remember she was a new student in Grade 2 and I reeeeeally really wanted to befriend her. We ended up becoming closer ten years later instead.
What's the age difference between yourself and 6?
Five months.
How old is 2?
I guess he would be 19 this year.
Have you ever slept in the same bed as 5?
No I barely know her. She just happens to be part of my group in one of my classes.
Is 4 attractive?
I’ve only seen him once and didn’t study his face long enough to form an opinion.
Does 3 care about you?
I guess it’s safe to say that. We’re always jokingly mean towards the other, but we really look out for each other.
Have you ever kissed 10?
No thanks.
How long have you known 6?
12 years.
Is 9 younger than you?
No clue when his birthday is and how old he even is.
What if you had a one night stand with 8?
Uuuuhhhh that would be so awkward.
What's the first letter of 7's last name?
B.
Have you ever met 5's parents?
Again, nope. Don’t know her at all.
What colour is 7's hair?
Black.
Is that his/her natural hair colour?
Yes.
What if 3 told you that he/she liked your ex?
I would tell her ‘nice try.’
What kind of men/women does 4 like?
I barely know the majority of people I listed.
1 is coming to your house for dinner, what will you cook for him/her?
I won’t cook for her, we’ll go out LOL.
Has 9 ever cried in front of you?
No and I haven’t talked to Miggy for over a year except for the occasional hi.
Describe your relationship with 2.
I was closest to him in our freshman block last year, but he shifted to business and I rarely talk to him now.
What colour eyes does 1 have?
Dark brown.
When was the last time you saw 10?
Last Friday.
What was he/she wearing?
I don’t remember. I’m sure it was something nice; Agatha really changed over the course of a year and makes an effort with her outfits now. Not that she didn’t before, but it has a little more bang nowadays.
Describe 4's personality.
I DON’T KNOW HIM.
Do you know when 7's birthday is?
Between May 21-29, that’s for sure. I keep forgetting hers.
What's 5's favourite food?
Dunno, don’t really care either.
Do you know 3's middle name?
No, but if you let me pick from a list of names I could probably recall it.
Does 6 have long or short hair?
Well it’s shorter than its usual length, but it’s pretty long for a girl.
Have you ever held hands with 1?
Always.
Does 8 have any piercings or tattoos?
I think she has ear piercings.
If 3 never spoke to you again, how would you feel?
Confused but also sad.
Have you ever felt jealous of 4?
No.
Which of these 10 people would you say you're closest to?
1.
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